#like. its *Couruscant*

[felinae-felidae]

How would restaurants even work in star wars

[kunikame]

happyele let natsume and leo out of the basement challenge

[irrfahrer]

Sith are hot, that's why your pup loves them. Not an assumption, more of a question, what are your thoughts on Emperor Palpatine?

Ziv just rolled her eyes overly dramatic: "Well, I might be a romantic, but I think that relationships wherein someone tries to kill another, should not be relationships that should be kept alive. Like, kriff this, is is too much to ask to have a relationship with someone that loves you and does not want to snap your neck like a twig, because they happened to have a bad day? The force will set me free, yeh, and then you regret everything you had done in the heat of a emotional moment instead of beeing in control of our kriffing emotions like a normal, emotional adjusted person. The bare is so kriffing low its a tripping hazard on the lowest level of Couruscant and yet every Sith in a romatic relationship takes the kriffing breathingmasks and limbo -dances beflow that kriffing bare happily."

The Tynnans head snapped so fast around that her spine creaked quietly and there was for a seocnd, just a second, a low snarl in her voice like from an animal ready for forgt barking and start biting. Her razorsharp teeth looked very long and sharp as she talked: "What am I thinking of the wrinkly wart of the Naboo genome, who had given the order to kill every single one of my family, hunt other survivors and me like vermine, destroyed my culture, turned the home I had loved and grew up in since I had been a six months old balll of fluff into a palast for facists to meet at and drink kriffing wine while they talk about how to murder people, gave the order to torture my best friend and turn him into a inquisitor, and who is doing his very kriffing best to make my work as a healer as hard as possible by starving the outer Rime planets of recources and keep especially non-humanoids and Outer Rime Humanoids as poor as possible in the hopes they will die out or can be turned into cheap workpower in the inner rime for that inner rime humanoids?"

Ziv had pinned her ears back and her fluffy tail was wagging, wagging, wagging restlessly from one side to another: "Well, I am a healer bound by a oath to help and nurture all living things, so yeh I would piss down the emporers throat if he would be set on fire." there was almost something like defeat in her voice, but eventually she sheked it off with a low huff:

"I would eventually. After I stopped laughing. And thats about it. Kriff this Kriffer."

[star-whores-a-new-hoe]

Reader getting jealous of Obi & Satine? Or seeing her be affectionate to Obi while she's there & reader acts bratty when they get home & says "Go be with her then!" & Obi just goes all Dom & shows her who she belongs to & spits in readers mouth & lots of hair pulling 🥵🥴😍😩

MA”AM! THIS ASK....I CAN”T! So......I kinda ended up making this long, like, i went off! Hope you enjoy! (Tw: spit kink, slight rough sexs, jealousy)

It tore you up inside. The way he talked with her, how her hand lingered on his shoulder, the smiles they cast each other. and the glances, full of so many memories. 

Barely a word was spoken between you two on the trip back to Couruscant. You sat there, jaw clenched and jealousy eating at your heart until you finally made it back to your quarters. 

After a lengthy briefing with the other Jedi masters, Obi found his way to your quarters, ready to spend some much needed alone time with you. 

When you didn’t even turn to look at him as he walked in, he knew something was wrong. 

He came up behind you, placing his hand on your shoulder. “Whatever is the matter, my darling?” You shrug his hand off.

“I don’t know, why don’t you ask Satine?” There was no missing the venom in your words. 

The room is silent, you held your breath, waiting for his reaction. Slow footsteps made their way towards you, a large, warm hand turned you to face him and roughly pushed you up against the wall. 

“Don’t tell me you’re jealous, young one?” He teases, his voice low. You turn your head away from him, too embarrassed to look him in the eye but he catches your chin between his thumb and finger, forcing you to stare into his striking blue orbs. 

“Maybe I am.” You taunt, eyebrows raised. He hums in acknowledgment, his eyes flicking down to your lips.

“Well, she’s not the one I have pressed against a wall right now, is she?” He places a small kiss on the side of your throat, making your breath hitch. “Not the one I long to spend every waking moment longing for.” Another kiss. He pulls away to whisper in your ear. “Not the one I’m going to fuck.” 

“Obi..”you whimper. At your plea his lips are on yours, roughly claiming you, his tongue sliding into your mouth. Whines and groans intertwined, filling the air with sinful sounds as you quickly undo his Jedi robes.

He works his way down your neck, leaving bites and hickeys as he goes, marking you as his. his hands slide under your shirt, ghosting over the skin of your stomach before roughly groping at your tits, tracing over your sensitive nipples.

You work your shirt off your body, watching as Obi moves further down, wrapping his mouth around your breast while his hand continues to tease the other. He looked up and you with a positively evil glint in his eye as his tongue flicked over your peaked nipple. You groan at the feeling, wrapping your fingers in his hair.

He moves further down, undoing your pants as fast as possible, you help him as much as you can, kicking the garment away and dropping your undergarments to your ankles. 

“Positively soaking for me aren’t you darling?” You can feel his hot breath against your clit, maker if he just moved a little closer! 

“Please!” You begged. Smirking, Obi Wan moved your thigh to rest over his shoulder, giving him perfect access to your aching cunt.

“How can I resist when you beg so sweetly?” With that, he dives in, his tongue parting your folds and swirling around your entrance. He alternates between sucking harshly on your clit and lightly lapping at it.

 Before long his fingers had joined the mix, pumping inside you and hitting those spots you could never reach on your own. A tight knot of pleasure formed in your core, you head growing fuzzy from all the overwhelming sensations.

“That’s it.” Me murmured against you, the coarse hair of his beard scratching against you in the most delicious of ways! “Let go for me.” 

Waves of pleasure crashed over you, your body convulsing under the weight of them. Obi Wan held you through it all, his skilled tongue never ceasing.

As you caught your breath, Obi stood again. Face to face with him you could see how his beard was soaked with your juices. It made your body feel a million times hotter. 

His hand snakes its way through your hair, tugging harshly. “Open.” He commanded. You did as he said, opening wide for him. He smiled darkly before he spit in your mouth. You swallowed before he could even tell you to.

A softer smile spread across his face. His hands relinquished their hold in your hair and stroked your cheek. Obi Wan placed a sweet, tender kiss to your slightly sweaty forehead and you closed your eyes, letting the calming presence of him surround you. 

[ariadne-inthesky]

Ziv leans forward and takes a deep sniff from the air aroud Ariadne: "Adrenaline from missed nights of sleep, caf so thick a spoon would stand in the cup when those missed nights are tried to be covered up, engines oil, dust from a dusty room you had been in several times in the last three weeks, old flimsi you had been working on to translate, I guess?- oh damn that parfume is pure spice, where did you get that?- and-", the young woman blinked, looked up at ariadne and flicked a ear up: "-in the last two weeks you had been on Couruscant, in one of the upper level gardens and then you went down to the lower levels and drank something that smells a little like engine oil but was probably sold to you as alcohol. I would say eight or seven days ago? Also I like your showergel, its sweet. You should use it more often, not that it will change teh fact that I will be able to tell your exact history for the past three weeks, but it really smells nice- is that suppose to be sweetbossom?" @irrfahrer

".........."

"I always forgot your nose is your eyes, cutie pie..."

"... I suppose that if it was dangerous for my health, I would have been feeling bad quicker, for the engine oil shot, mh ?"

[thelightsabcr]

One moment the morningair of Couruscant was fresh and cool like a crispy apple, the next second the stutterer came down to one of the Temples landingplatforms followed by the stench of very much not working as they should be engines. The ‘Stutterer’ did landed eventually after slowly stuttering its way down for something that felt like hours, although the landing included falling the last ten meters on the platform instead of actally landing. A very big, very stinking cloud of dark smoke rose from the starships engines that wrapped around one of the temples landingplatforms the ship had (fallen) landed on. Carrying a few boxes Ziv waved the smoke away coughing. The smoke had turned her pelt into a dirty duster dyeing it into a dirty grey instead of the pale silverly white. With a huff the AgriCorps Specialist sat down the boxes of samples, then went inside the stutterer again that was by now nolonger smoking but smelled like a grilled steak instead, to get the other boxes with samples she needed to bring to one of the temples AgriCorps laboratorys. It was when she stepped back outside, Boxes under her arms, staggering under the weight that she saw the blurred outlines of someone leaning curiously over a small transpericontainer that inhabitated a semi-sentient plant with a red flowerhead and deep blue leafs. The plant hissed like a angry loth-cat, turning and twisting in the container to get away fromt he face they did not knew:   “If I were you,-”, the Tynnan started, putting a few boxes of samples down and padding her face to dust off the dark colour off her fluffy cheeks:” I would not irritate the plant because when it is irritated it will defend itself and when it defend itself it will spread a kriffing powder on you which will cause a itching which is in low doses very useful to cause bloodflow in freezing limbs and perfect to be used in the Halls of Healing but actually in the dose you would get from the plant will cause you scratching your kriffing skin off your muscles and I am sure you would love to still have your kriffing skin attatched to your muscles, yes? Would be a real krififng pity if your pretty Jedi Robes would be stained with krifding blood.” The young woman leaned her head to the side like a attentive animal: “So, dear stranger of the same kriffing Order of whom I have no kriffing idea of who the Kriff you are? Are you leaving the poor plant now alone and help me bringing this stuff into the labotories when you are already here, or are you going to go your merry way and leave me alone and in peace?” @irrfahrer​

Obi-Wan really had no business putting his nose into other people's things, but when he had spotted these things being unloaded from a rather smokey starship, he could not help himself to wander closer to check it out.

"Oh." He backed away from the plant, not only because of it reacting negatively to him, but also because he heard the voice of someone talking to him. He realised he'd just been busted and he promptly gave the Tynnan woman an apologetic smile. "My apologies." He glanced to the plant. "I think I prefer my skin on my body.." The words was spoken in a low voice, almost as if he spoke to himself and took a mental note to not disturb any strange, unfamiliar plants again.

He walked over to her, giving her yet another smile. "I am Obi-Wan Kenobi and I will most definitely help carrying this for you." It was not as if he had anything better to do at the moment anyway, so he figured why not help a fellow Order member. "What is your name, if I may ask?"

[soccialcreature]

rebels s4 first-time watch liveblogging! (just jedi knight on bcuz i only wanna watch the good eps of this show)

sorry. the hair is bad. maybe dont let a blind man give himself a haircut

kanan and hera r the only too bitches i care about in this house

theyre soooo cuuuute ugh

y go to the fuel depot tho that seems like a recipe for disaster

kanan didnt have to b dramatic about it i think they all cudve gotten away if he had just got in the ship. theyve been in tighter situations before

can kanan b a force ghost tho? just to talk to hera. idc about the others. hera seems rly broken up about this

hera: *crying*.  chopper:  bur bur. bur bur bur bur bur.    hera: *sniffles* youre right

ezra and hera reminiscing about kanan is actually really good and really hits :(

the side plot is stupid. y not just use a bomb-bomb and kill that little grey bitch. a fuckin paint bomb? r u serious?let zeb kill him bitch goddamnit zeb deserves a little murder. as a treat

what the fuck is happening

god fucking damnit dave u fucking furry ive had enough of these fucking wolves

i hate how they talk

EZRA SAID “AHSOKA” <33333

leave hera alone she needs like 5 fucking minutes to grieve her baby-daddie’s death goddamn

FUCK YEAHHHHH WE R GOING BACK TO THE JEDI TEMPLE i love the jedi i miss the clone wars :(

im gonna say it. the loth-cats cudve been cuter

ohmygod dave finally made his dream come true of having his characters ride wolves (bcuz he said he wanted ahsoka to ride a wolf at some point. but these guys riding wolves r fine too i guess. ahsoka makes anything cooler tho... jus sayin)

AHSOKA

this is some force-power-bullshit that i can GET BEHIND. TELEPORTING WOLVES HELL YEAH

WHY CUDNT THEY JUST FUCKING KEEP THE STORMTROOPER OUTFITS THAT THEY STOLE THE FIRST TIME WHY. DO THEY HAVE TO DO THIS SAME BULLSHIT EVERY. GODDAMN. EPISODE

they literally have no asses

who the fuck is this crusty bitch

COURUSCANT lets go there. i miss the clone wars :(

wait wheres rex. is he safe? is he alright?

y does sabine have to b here

good job ezra u got it. u cracked the code. ahsoka is the daughter <3

sorry nothing was happening so i blanked out for a bit but now we are in the world between worlds AND I AM HEARING THE VOICES OF ALL OF MY FRIENDS GOD I LOVE U GUYS OBI WAN AHSOKA ANAKIN I LOVE YALL

this scene is very cool tho

ugh stop can i skip the sabine scenes? i wanna hang out w ezra in the world between worlds

AHSOKA AHSOKA AHSOKA AHSOKA AHSOKA AHSOKA AHSOKA

SO FUCKING COOOOOOOL

she shud do the thing again where she falls onto her back and kicks the enemy away i think thatd b rly fun

hellooooo hottie

ahsoka  <3

does she know shes the baddest bitch in the galaxy? i feel like she doesnt know. i feel like sabine thinks SHES the baddest bitch in the galaxy but rly its ahsoka

is it like ahsokas job is to dramatically go “anakin...” 

when did she name the fucking bird

ok god complex ezra

ahsokas been through so much shit in her lifetime. she can literally understand any trauma just name it

cud we not have done one more take to have my guy palps say ahsokas name correctly? i mean its not a huge deal but like. was he payed by the second???

“i will. i promise” ahsoka ur so fucking cute

wh

whered it go

how can the entire temple just skrrt away

REX

KALLUS

AHHH MY FRIENDS

WOLFFE AND GREGGOR

HONDO

okay what the fuck is happening y did everyone just show up

ahsoka said “ima take a nap hmu after the finale”

i hate this fuckin grey dude

hondo ily

sorry i stopped paying attention but wolffe just had a line so im back now

OHMYGOSH

BOYFRIENDS

KALLUZEB IN THE SAME FRAME OHMYGOODNESS

oh my fuck this next episode is HOW MANY MINUTES LONG?????

hera in this ep b like ‘am i gregnant?’

kallus ur the coolest bitch in this whole show (minus ahsoka)

go hera <3

yo what the fuck

this episode is 47 goddamn minutes so that we have time for this pig catapulting bullshit?

the whole second half of this show is just the writers making excuses to have thrawn do absolutely nothing while still pretending like he’s a threat

why r there 2 separate animal dues ex machinas in this finale?

yoooo ezra i actually rly like u bro :(((

hey where the fuck is darth vade y did he just dip out of the show. i feel like he cud help the empire out in this situation

very weird that thrawn supports sabines patreon or whatever the fuck

heyyyy palpatine what the fuck

they were rly broken up about kanans death for like. an episode. but theyre chill now theyre over it

y is palpatine into ezra?

can kallus and zeb smooch? just once? please? wud that b so hard?

how is this pig not dead

oh lmao he is dead hahahahahahah

im still confused about how greggor didnt die in clone wars. i thought he died? was i tripping?

palpatine is trying so hard not to saw “dewit” right now

what does destroying the temple accomplish?

HOW R THEY STORMTROOPERS MISSING THESE SHOTS WHAT THE FUCK HE IS A STATIC TARGET

oh so NOW ull kill the little grey bitch

GOD FUCK THE PIG IS ALIVE????? ARGH U AINT CUTE BITCH. JUST DIE

y cant he get out of there tho

bro a bitch is crying

yooo

theyre dating

hera’s makeup

the way i broke down when i saw ahsoka

tears

[longitud-de-onda]

if you could pick a star wars planet to visit, where would you go? When would you go? If you had a chance to meet and/or see a star wars character in passing (no formal dinners or anything, max 5 mins of small talk) who would you pick?

i used to say naboo as my answer but i think i’d want to go to coruscant now.

i love worldbuilding and everything, but i’ve found that i’m actually not too impressed with the settings in star wars. its the stories and characters that i love. setting is usually my favorite part of a sci fi or fantasy story and with star wars, it’s not that the stories are more interesting, it’s that the worlds are just less exciting. i don’t really want to live in the star wars universe.

but i think couruscant would be really fun to visit, particularly with the senate and the jedi and id want to go before the prequel trilogy is set. i’d want to see everything when the jedi were in their prime. and id be really fun to explore.

and a character to meet in passing? i adore obi wan. he’s always been my favorite, but thanks to mark renton, i know it’s not really about his character. it’s about ewan. and if i met him in passing i’d spend the rest of my life sad that i had never gotten to spend more time with him.

so i’d like to meet poe at a gay bar as we have a moment of wlw/mlm solidarity and play a very brief moment of being wingperson for each other, or just have a nice little chat.

[roxannepolice]

Your character analysis for IX makes so much sense that I’m nervous and feel like I’m indulging reylo too much. I’m losing confidence in their relationship ending unambiguously. It seems like her arc is going to be very separate from his.

Ok, so… I’m actually surprised? What I wrote boils down to Star Wars are gonna go big or go home and we came to a point where it can be interpreted as they gonna go small, chaste and proper?

Sis/bro in waiting, don’t worry they gonna go BIG! All of my disagreements with usually accepted reylo predictions boil down to how they gonna get triple wedding with Finnrose and Poe tearfully giving BB-8 as a bashful bride to BB-9e instead of faking their deaths, living in an exile or waiting for prison sentence to finish! Because those endings? They aren’t likely to happen, just as Kylo Ben isn’t getting an individual redemption and Rey isn’t a static character.

The fact that the fandom or actually entire audience is so freaking keen on making Rey a static beacon of light is what probably baffles me most. Because tbph, if Rey is the character we’re repeatedly told in a way forbidding any questions that she is, then she is a pretty boring character, not because of being “overpowered” but because of having no serious moral struggles (we’ve seen her faced with temptations - but not dilemmas). Audience is sexists as hell is questioning her skills and what is also sexist is lack of proper female villains in the main SW movies but I think what people don’t want to put their finger on is that Star Wars have never given us characters who simply are good, always, regardless of their backgrounds and circumstances - on the contrary, they’re very keen to show how nurture affects the grown up character, I would actually say it’s one of the features that makes this fairy tale stand out, the characters seeming just good or just evil being fairly well up in their years. Rey stayed good in a harsh life of a scavenger on Jakku? Wheeeelp, Anakin also stayed good in a harsh life of a slave on Tattooine - it’s transition to the comfortably poisoning life of a jedi knight on Couruscant that lead him to become Darth Vader. Obi-Wan was a paragon of jedi training gone right, Padmé had a loving nurturing family, same for Luke and Leia regardless of whether they were farmers on a desert or royals on Alderaan, Han’s lack of family shows - as do the strong primal social groups of corellian underground he lived in, Finn formed relationships as positive as one can have in a totalitarian military organisation and Kylo Ben needed to be groomed for two freaking decades before his messed up but loving background gave in.

So no, I’m not buying Rey being an infallible maiden of light that also happens to be a master psychologist Padmé and Obi-Wan weren’t (you know while I totally agree there’s much symbolism to her being a scavenger, can we all agree human psyche is a teensy bit more complicated than starships?). Nope. I actually have this pet theory - while it seems pretty clear that Kylo Ben’s story is what Darth Anakin’s would have been if we were watching OT knowing PT, could it also be that in Rey we’re getting a surprise dessert of near-repetition of Anakin’s fall without anticipating the fall? I really think she could turn out to be a character tailored to make the audience feel the same near-blind hope that Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan had for Anakin and OTrio had for Ben. A near-blind hope that instead of helping fulfill that hope made them destructively pose for someone they weren’t.

light side my ass

But that’s exactly why this effed up yin yang will come together. I think that while everyone keeps pointing out yin yang symbolism in reylo, fewer reflect on its actual implications - black dot, white dot and the fact that yin and yang change places the moment you spin the disk. Which brings me to another point I’m in disagreement with majority of reylo meta writers: I really don’t think you’ll turn-you’ll be the one to turn implies they’ve seen the same vision of mutual hae. Their body language is too anguished/defensive for that. Basically, a you misinterpreted-no, you misinterpreted situation is too obvious for neither of them to think of it - if they have seen a mutual hae. And since databank confirmed they have both seen some future and Rey speaks of a solid and clear vision which dismisses the possibility of them seeing an abstract act of turning as one youtuber tried to interpret, we’re left with either deconstruction trope (f*ck prophecy, to quote Jaime) or them having seen the other one acting in a way implying allegiance to the side they currently don’t belong to. And since TLJ made their political stance pretty clear…

The thing is, the last act of TLJ saw both Rey and Ben having their sand castles destroyed - for Rey it was admittance of denial (denial, not hope, I don’t care how much material will insist on calling it hope) she’s lived in for some 15 years that did nontheless keep the darkness in her controlled, for Ben it was Luke’s sacrifice blowing another huge hole (next to the one Han’s sacrifice created) in the sand castle of lies Snoke built around him to keep the light away. And neither of those idiots acknowledges the implications. Also, may I strip away the surface of but he’s in charge of a dark side organisation and she’s the hero of a light side organisation! and rephrase it into he’s responsible for loads of people he holds no grudge against and she’s a highly pressurised member of a minor but desperate paramilitary organisation.

The bottom line is, if my predictions/analyses can make one pessimistic, consider that I try to take as little for granted about those movies as I can, assuming practically only some happy ending, consitency of general messages (is bendemption obligatory? no. but if we held Anakin to the same standards, then he didn’t get redeemed either. and considering that Lucas actually stated somewhere that the idea is that he got redeemed through his children then I say his children f*cked up allowing Anakin’s shadow to be used against his grandson - thus, it depends on Ben getting a hae to complete Anakin’s redemption and actually make the central message of the saga real I will finish what you started indeed) and psychoanalitical symbolism (like really, whenever you doubt hae as hell reylo just read Jung; I also recommend Mozart’s Magic Flute which is swarming with conscious/unconscious, light/dark, male/female symbols and guess what there’s actually an adaptation that, albeit tounge-in-cheek employs Star Wars esthetic). And I still arrive at the same basic conclusions as the writers with more optimistic, sure and static premises. So if I say we’re gonna get an angsty af life-and-death reylo duel where she actually kills him with his silent consent then I also mean gurl gonna channel all her love/light and pain/dark combined into healing him and then while the dark princeling tries to come up with a spontaneous thanksgiving paslm, the scavenger princess gonna grab his shirt and suck those plump lips till they both run out of breath. And porgs will be throwing flowers at them.

[writerproblem193]

I like your star wars au a lot! You might not want to answer this, its fine if you prefer to leave it ambiguous but did you personally picture Laura and Carmilla being succesful against Lilita on Couruscant or did you imagine them meeting a tragic fate like Anakin and Padme (abeit in a different fashion since they overcame Laura's Dark Side together) and still dying later on? ( DID THEY HAVE SMOL TWINS!?)

I can’t even tell you how excited I am to get a SWAU question omg I could talk about this series forever.

1000000% defeat Lilita and get justice for everything she did to them and the galaxy — and instate an Actual Not Sith Lord in the senate. Everyone lives happily ever after especially Laura and Carmilla!

I realized about halfway through writing that first fic (once I’d stopped mentally dying over my combined Carmilla/Star Wars emotions) and realized….. shit. I wasn’t going to bury my gays. So I had to really think of how the mixed up dynamics would change the events, and I’m so glad they believably changed it for the better.

I haven’t thought about twins! I think the poor kids need some recovery time first. Never say never though!

[allcheatscodes]

star wars episode 1 battle for naboo n64

http://allcheatscodes.com/star-wars-episode-1-battle-for-naboo-n64/

star wars episode 1 battle for naboo n64

Star Wars: Episode 1 – Battle For Naboo cheats & more for Nintendo64 (N64)

Cheats

Unlockables

Hints

Easter Eggs

Glitches

Guides

Get the updated and latest Star Wars: Episode 1 – Battle For Naboo cheats, unlockables, codes, hints, Easter eggs, glitches, tricks, tips, hacks, downloads, guides, hints, FAQs, walkthroughs, and more for Nintendo64 (N64). AllCheatsCodes.com has all the codes you need to win every game you play!

Use the links above or scroll down to see all the Nintendo64 cheats we have available for Star Wars: Episode 1 – Battle For Naboo.

Genre: Action, Adventure Developer: Unknown Publisher: Lucas Arts ESRB Rating: Teen

Hints

Homing Torpedoes

Homing torpedoes can be found in the “Borvo The Hutt” level. Go northwest of the first battle to find a village among the trees and the upgrade.

Get Platinum On 1st Space Battle Easily

As you go into the mission, slowly approach the com satalite. Shoot it as much as possible. When you get close, do a 180 and fly away at full thrust for 3 seconds. Then do another 180 and fly back to it. The shield will be down, and you can blow it up. You will have great accuracy and kills because of the shots on the shield which count as 1 kill each.

Platinum Medals

The requirements to earn a platinum medal in each level is as follows:Level TimeKillsAccuracy Saves Bonus Lives1 1:38 49 84% 7 1 32 4:01 34 64% 65 0 33 2:43 21 59& 7 0 34 5:24 43 58% 2 1 3 5 3:38 38 56% 15 0 36 4:50 49 84% 4 0 37 6:03 77 89% 4 1 38 5:18 54 83% 0 0 3 9 6:12 49 62% 6 0 3 10 4:35 26 63% 0 0 3 11 3:39 42 74% 4 1 3 12 4:44 77 75% 19 1 3 13 4:06 55 56% 11 0 3 14 3:41 96 67% 5 0 3 15 3:51 41 78% 3 0 3 Bonus 1 5:27 68 50% 5 0 3 Bonus 2 0:23 1 68% 30 1 3 Bonus 3 7:15 40 25% 13 0 3

AAT and Swamp Speeder

Successfully complete the game with all platinum medals to unlock the AAT and the Swamp Speeder. The Swamp Speeder is a fast Republican ship and looks like a flash speeder in boat version. It moves very fast and it can shoot two lasers simultaneously at an extremely fast rate. Its secondary weapon is a heavy laser, just like the Gian Speeder. The AAT is the Trade Federation battle droid tank. The AAT is fairly slow and shoots two lasers simultaneously at a medium-slow rate. Its secondary weapon are projectile bombs.

Hanger Diversion

On the level after The Queen’s Gambit, protect the commandoes and get ahaed of them. Now, if you’re very impatient and don’t like to wait for the transport, hold down the brake and the laser button. Press the heavy laser button while holding down the other two. Eventually, the hanger door will explode without the commandoes setting the charges.HINT: This code works easier if you have the advanced laser and rapid fire laser power-up. It’s also a good idea to clear out the battle droids and the destroier droid before you try to tackle the door.

Advanced Missiles

Advanced missiles can be found in the beginning of “The Smugglers Alliance” level. Help the civilians, even though the captain tells you not to and a speeder will come out of a homestead. Protect it and it will lead you to a farm with the upgrade.

Advanced Blasters

Advanced blasters can be found in the “Liberation Of Camp 4” level. At the last shield generator, face towards the down-slope and there will be another up slope leading towards the upgrade.

Rapid fire lasers

Rapid fire lasers can be found near the end of the “Sancuatary” level. There is a small valley to the right of the main valley. Inside is a volcano and a strange “fairy” object. The upgrade is behind it.

Cluster seeker missiles

Cluster seeker missiles can be found in the second secret level, “Couruscant Encounter”. Turn right immediately after starting to find a brown striped building. Enter the hole in front of it and turn left immediately before the path turns to the right. You will see it to your left.

Sith Infiltrator

You can play as the Sith Infiltrator once you access the third secret level, “Dark Side”. You can use the Sith Infiltrator in levels where you can use the Naboo Starfighter.

Trade Federation Secrets bonus level

Successfully complete the game with all bronze medals to unlock the Trade Federation Secrets bonus level. In this level you have to protect a base from an attack.

Couruscant Encounter bonus level

Successfully complete the game with all silver medals to unlock the Couruscant Encounter bonus level.

Dark Side bonus level

Successfully complete the game with all gold medals to unlock the Dark Side bonus level.

Cheats

Destroyer

Enter DESTRUCT as a password.

Sith Infiltrator

Type in “SIENAR&!” as a passcode. You will hear a little chime if you have done it correctly.

All Levels

Enter “TOOWEAK?” and if you did it right you will here a little chime.

Homing Missles

Enter CANTMISS as a passcode, and you will hear a chime. All vehicles with missles will become homing

Advanced Blasters

Put in the passcode “adegan” in the passcode’s menu.

Car

Enter “EOCOAROS” as a passcode. If you entered the code correctly, you will hear a chime. The Gian Speeder will be replaced by a 1969 Buick convertible.

AAT

Enter “&&A!AT” as a passcode. If you entered the code correctly, you will hear a chime. Alternately, get platinum medals for all missions. The AAT is the Trade Federation battle droid tank. The AAT is fairly slow and shoots two lasers simultaneously a medium-slow rate. Its secondary weapon are projectile bombs.

All Ships

Enter “WAKAWAH!” as a passcode. If you entered the code correctly, you will hear a chime. Note: This does not give you the bonus craft. This code has the same effect as you would get if you completed level 15 (Battle For Naboo).

Bonus Level 3

Enter “BADTEMPR” as a passcode. If you entered the code correctly, you will hear a chime.

Bonus Level 1

Enter “BYENABOO” as a passcode. If you entered the code correctly, you will hear a chime.

Double Secondary Weapons

Enter “LCK&LOAD” as a passcode. If you entered the code correctly, you will hear a chime.

Crazy camera

Enter “DRJEKYLL” as a passcode. If you entered the code correctly, you will hear a chime.

Concert hall

Enter “WAKEUP” as a passcode. If you entered the code correctly, you will hear a chime.

All regular levels and one bonus level

Enter “LEC&FIVE” as a passcode. If you entered the code correctly, you will hear a chime. All regular levels and the Trade Federation Secrets bonus level will be unlocked.

Wild Water Mode

Go to the options menu pick passcodes then put in DRJEKYLL. One good level to use this on is Andreava River. It feels and looks like you’re driving in the middle of a storm.

Developer Commentary

Enter “TALKTOME” as a passcode. If you entered the code correctly, you will hear a chime. Developer commentary, lasting about three minutes, can be heard in each level.

Infinite Lives

Enter “PATHETIC” as a passcode. If you entered the code correctly, you will hear a chime. Note: If you die, it will still count against getting a medal.

All Upgrades

Enter “OVERLOAD” as a passcode. If you entered the code correctly, you will hear a chime.

One-Hit Kills

Enter “EWERDEAD” as a passcode. If you entered the code correctly, you will hear a chime.

Expert Mode

Enter “NASTYMDE” as a passcode. If you entered the code correctly, you will hear a chime.

Pink Ship

Enter “RUAGIRL?” as a passcode. If you entered the code correctly, you will hear a chime.

Unlock Art Gallery in Showroom

Enter “KOOLSTUF” as a passcode. If you entered the code correctly, you will hear a chime. Note: The music is not unlocked with this code.

View Development Team

Enter “LOVEHUTT” as a passcode. If you entered the code correctly, you will hear a chime.

Advanced Shields

Enter “DROIDEKA” as a passcode. If you entered the code correctly, you will hear a chime. Alternately, advanced shields can be found in level 1, behind an arch that is behind an AAT.

Advanced Bombs

Advanced bombs can be found in the “Glacial Grave” level, on the opposite branch of the river that leads to the gunboat hanger.

Unlockables

Currently we have no unlockables for Star Wars: Episode 1 – Battle For Naboo yet. If you have any unlockables please feel free to submit. We will include them in the next post update and help the fellow gamers. Remeber to mention game name while submiting new codes.

Easter eggs

Currently we have no easter eggs for Star Wars: Episode 1 – Battle For Naboo yet. If you have any unlockables please feel free to submit. We will include them in the next post update and help the fellow gamers. Remeber to mention game name while submiting new codes.

Glitches

Currently we have no glitches for Star Wars: Episode 1 – Battle For Naboo yet. If you have any unlockables please feel free to submit. We will include them in the next post update and help the fellow gamers. Remeber to mention game name while submiting new codes.

Guides

Currently no guide available.

[irrfahrer]

Spontanous Starter For @sheev-palpatine-emperor !

From the transperisteel walls of the roofgarden Ziv could see the remains of the Jedi-Temple during her workday, even through the thick layers of smog that lay like a coat over Couruscants skyline every morning. She was overqualified for the work in th politicans garden- at least she would be overqualified for the work if she would give the Politican she was working for her actual references from the AgriCorps. But since the Tynnan had a properly working survival-instinct, those references were now  gone forever like every other information stored in the Facilities archives as she had made sure when she had went to the abonded Agricorps facilities on Marfa. When she had been a thirteen year old girl send to the AgriCorps, she had cried and screamed the whole flight to Marfa, but that time not so long ago she had almost looked forward to see the old beehive- like- buildings that were the hothouses of Marfa,as if she was seeing the Holopicture of a old, long gone friend that she had dearly missed. So after the references she had now, she was just rightly qualified for this kind of work as it was shown in the perfectly blooming garden around her that was so vibrant in the pale light, the colourful leafs and bright flower petals everywhere around the Tynnan seemed to broil in the deep morning-grey. A whiff of noises swept through the comfortable moist air that was full of the scents of flowers and petrichor like full of a heavy parfume. Zivs ears turned automatically in that direction- the politican had a visitor and they had probably sat down in the by high grown plants like by walls surrounded garden-terrace. The Tynnan had keen ears, yet the terrace was too far away even for her so she could not hear what the politican and their visitor- or visitors?- were talking about. Yet the Tynnan was a gardner, a Botanist, a former - the word sounded wrong in her head like a lie- Agricorps-Member and she knew how to listen to talks even when she was far away. And listening, specially to politicans smalltalks, was right now in this situation she was in a very good way to stay alive. Crouching over a flowerbed of black roses Ziv had carefully cut back the withered leafs of the Tynnan carefully inch by inch moved to the side until she was by the foot of a red tree that towered high over her head with a crown of blue leafs that looked like the water of a calm ocean in the grey morninglight. Yet while the trees crown reached far, its roots reached in the earth even farer and digging her claws into the red wood towards the softer wood beneath the bark, she reached out. Not with her paws, not with her arms, but she reached out towards the wood, towards the fibres, towards the canals in the wood that transported water and along the roots that filtered the water out of the earth but also up the tree into the blue canopy of leafs. Zivs mind spread through the lenght of the tree from the farest corner of its roots to the tiniest leaf and just for a second there was a feeling of disassociation and confusing when her mind had to adjust to the strange new way of sensing, but the Tynnan was a former AgriCorps member and she adjusted properly fast.

Plants could hear, in a way, kind of, technically. Vibration was something Flora reacted to and certaine vibrations made plants grow (the humming of a song Ziv had learned as a child just low enough to make the flowers in the Temple gardens lean towards her slightly after a hour of her meditating) while others made them wither (The sound of a approaching storm that made leafs curl in itself and flowers close their heads for protectionf rom rain hours away) , although for most species the way plants reacted to this vibration happned too slow to be noticed. Still, plants reacted to vibrations and for someone who had learned to decode this vibrations into words in the first few months she had been as a AgriCorps-Adept working in Marfas Hothouses, it was easy to eavesdrop from a safe distance with the allhearing range of treeroots digging through every inch of the ground of the garden. The trees red branches slightly moved in a breeze that was caused by the airfilters placed on the gardens glassroofs to keep the citys smog away and for a second there were instead of words only the creaking of wood loud like thunder in the Tynnans ears- she grimaced, grunted, and then moved through the cells even farer to the ends of the branches and the blue leafs pulsing of life, hot- broiling!- from the neverresting metabolism of the tree. And there she heard it over the creaking of the wood, quiet, barely noticeable, something she felt more like a pulse stitching up the the roots of her teeth than she heard it, but if she focused just a little more, she could turn this pulse into words and-

-the young woman pulled back so suddenly as if she had been slapped, through the leafs, through the canals full of water, through the layers of wood, through the roots until their ends and her head shot up as she swirled around to turn to the person that had definitive not standing there when she had reached out to dab into the trees roots. She had not noticed him before, but now he was there unmistakeable with a blurred swirl of colours that only barely made a form and a aura of scent that was unmistakeable humanoid which she should have smelled earlier like the carnivore she still was despite thausand of years of evolution of her species. Zivs words came out more hectic and startled than she wanted it to and the young girl flicked nervously, almost panicky: “...You have nothing else to do than bothering the kriffing horticulturist on work, Sir?”

[roxannepolice]

What’s in a name? Kylo Ren as a sentient simulacrum

If my cultural sociologist’s heart soared when Ren turned out to be a heroine of postmodern time, Kylo Ben had my brain from the moment his parentage was revealed. Because this – this here, ladies and gentlemen, is a specimen of its own kind – a sentient simulacrum on a quest to destroy its meaning. And doing a terribly good job, judging by what the viewers think. Because he represents another tempting demon of postmodernity – a belief that everything is a matter of agreement and thus, of will and all one has to do is have a will strong enough to subjugate all of reality to its knees. This is nietzschean ubermensch in all his glory of overestimating the power of will and consciousness, things we have become obsessed with believing in. Kylo Ren isn’t a complicated answer to a question what would Anakin’s and Padme’s grandson and Han’s and Leia’s son grow up to be?, he’s a very ready made, willed, chosen answer to a question what would Darth Vader’s grandson be?

Objectively speaking, there’s every stake against Kylo Ben. He killed his father in a story about familial love. He’s in charge of evil empire in a story about fighting evil. He’s hinted at a romance in a story where romances ended in tragedy. But such is a nature of simulation: it laughs in the face of objectivity. It knows every objective symptom and has already found a way to cause it without referring to the core. Hypoerbolically speaking, everything objective can be faked and as such lies within simulation’s power. Simulation is something different from pretending. Pretending can be objectively revealed for what it is. You pretend that you had a good sleep by putting ice cubes and concealer under your eyes, your problems with focus will still be apparent. You simulate a good sleep by drinking enough coffee to seem – and FEEL – awake. And yes, Kylo Ben is totally the type of person who drinks coffee as black as his soul because sleep is for the weak. A simulacrum won’t recognise itself for what it is because it believes itself to be its only meaning. All that matters are the appearances. And it won’t drop the act when it’s not observed, because it’s always acting for itself. If anything, it’s  precisesly other eyes that will see the bs. We’re all amazing actors in our own heads. The problem is to be ones for a different audience.

Take the moment he drops his mask during the bridge scene. You’re right to read it as consciously symbolic gesture. But the act isn’t for Han, at least, not only, it’s for him. He doesn’t need the mask to do what he’s about to do. It’s him, Kylo Ren who has already destroyed Han Solo’s weak and foolish son, about to commit another conscious, willful action. He won’t feel remorse.

He does very much feel remorse. There is no one close enough to him in that moment for him to fake it. This is a rebellion, albeit overdue and still passive, of the self against ego’s will, of meaning against simulacrum.The best metaphor of a difference between a meaning and a simulacrum in Star Wars is basically Ben Solo and Kylo Ren. So, should we feel safe that in a story destroying the simulacra bendemption is sure?

I’m not going to sugar coat it for you – it’s not.

In fact, if you’ve ever heard an antibendemption argument that made terrifyingly much sense, there’s a good chance someone who made it has a degree of knowledge about postmodern thought. Because Kylo Ben has been as much of a ready made redemption material as FO has been ready made villains. He’s literally the grandson of the redemption of this saga. And isn’t the hero worship of Skywalkers the best sign that they’re one of the husks that need to burn for the meaning to reemerge? Truthfully, a strong redemption needs an unredeemed counterpart, a Judas in The Second Testament, to really hit home. Yes, the Skywalkers are what created the basic messages of the saga, now let them go away and continue their essence detached from the husks, preferably leaving a strong warning in the last generation. Anakin’s redemption was the original one, now let it be carried by the likes of Galen, Bodhi and, according to some idiots, Finn, not his own bloodline.

There’s just one problem. Anakin’s not redeemed.

Let that sink in.

  Anakin’s redemption did not take place

I don’t want to generalize, but I make a solid guess that most people on tumblr who identify with protagonists of the sequels are in their 20s to 30s., so Anakin’s redemption was a cultural given in our lives. Yeah, he’s done some bad things but in the end he loved Luke and died for him, and anyway, he’s shown as a force ghost in the end (anyone still remembering the old Anakin on Endor?), so he’s fine. What a heartwarming story of redemptive power of love! One that we’ve been rewatching whenever world seemed completely wrong, perhaps the story that helped us forgive people who’ve hurt us, one that has given us so much hope...

did not happen.

Arite, let’s have a look at what exactly was Darth Vader forgiven for, back in 1985:

walking into a room full of already dead people

choking one good guy

apparently he killed some jedi including Luke’s dad who knows how long time ago (I mean, to a 5 year old me Luke could have been anywhere from 15 to 35 years old)

being locked up with Leia and some syringed ball? they called it a mind probe later?

passively watching destruction of Alderaan which was aaaaaawesome one moment the planet was there and then pew pew it was gone

uuh... swinging his lightsaber at disappearing Obi-Wan?

piloting one of the TIEs during a military situation

choking some imperial officers, who cares

organising the worst “meet the in-laws” dinner in history

ordering Han to be frozen in carbonite

cutting off Luke’s arm, he gets a new one some 15 minutes later

he’s actually Luke’s dad?!?????

he does nothing in RotJ. nothing. oh, ok, he says “sister” in a creepy manner, it’s your daughter you’re talking about, you creep

So yeah. This is what he had to be narratively forgiven when he saved Luke and got his ass killed in the process. Additionally, the man who appears as a force ghost is around the same age as Obi-Wan, so 60? maybe even 70? Clearly, if he became Luke’s dad around the time he became Darth Vader, he couldn’t have been serving the empire for more than one third of his life and kicked ass with the good guys for the remaining two thirds. I’m so glad he found the absolution he clearly deserved.

And then prequels happened. And we got Anakin killing a whole village of sand people (off screen), slaughtering some 20 children (off screen), expressing desire to make the Empire his own and choking his pregnant wife because he had a bad dream. And this is only his record on the day he turns to the dark side. He’s in his twenties at a time, which means that he has spent half of his life as Darth Vader. 

Uhmmmm... no one said anything about killing children back in the 80s, right? But still, we can go with this. Because Anakin’s fall was tailored for his redemption – induced by possessive love for his wife, undone by selfless love for his son, manipulated just enough to be forgiven, terrible just enough for the payment to be his life. And anyway, there’s the whole prophecy thing. Thus originals and prequels form a complete story of Anakin’s fall and redemption. Apparently.

Because then sequels happen! Yahoo! And there was Vader 2.0, wow he can actually freeze blaster bolts in the air, impressive, anyway, can’t wait for the next generation of Skywalkers to appear. UUh, but there’s something wrong. Village isn’t slaughtered off screen, we watch the fire and hear the screams... Oh and then there’s the mind probe scene and mind probe is apparently a painful psychological violation, giving people connotations with rape... Vader 2.0 is this trilogy’s Skywalker?!!!!! Oh, and the destruction of Hosian system is nothing cool, there are terrified people on Couruscant... whaaaaaaaaa, he killed Han Solo, WHYYYYY?!!!!!!!! Oh anyway, maybe he’s adopted, Rey is the one worthy of being saint Anakin’s grandchild.

I think you get the drift. Violence is presented much more realistically in the sequels than either originals or prequels and consequently viewers are willing to see Kylo Ben as more evil than Darth Anakin – even though, appealing to the reason, Anakin has been serving the Empire for two decades which for Kylo to equal he would have to have joined FO when he was 10. But that’s it – we must not underestimate the power of visual representation. Describing something, insinuating it off screen simply doesn’t have the same impact as playing it out before our eyes. Still, after TFA it’s still simple to just say Kylo Ben IS more irredeemable than Darth Anakin.

But then Rouge One happens and Darth Vader shows himself as a goddamn killing machine he has always been, cutting and choking rebels like they’re butter. More, he chokes Krennic into subjugation, which has a completely different vibe to it than his anger/force insult it’s his dad you’re talking about! induced chokes in originals – this here is deliberate abuse of power.  And of course, there are all the remaining extended materials showing Vader as an actually evil character – not one we’re told is evil, only actually doing evil things.

So ask yourselves this – if Anakin’s story unfolded itself chronologically and with sequels’ uncensored depiction of war, if we have actually seen the Tuskans burn and scream in agony, if clone wars weren’t softened by villains being droids, watched all the padawans die at Anakin’s hand, then were granted 20 years of abuse of power, watched Leia get “mind raped” by man we knew to be her father, seen terror of Alderaanians, had prequels’ Obi-Wan for our childhood’s hero, force choking wasn’t framed as a pythonic comic relief, knew Vader cut off his son’s arm knowing the pain it gives and discovered that he’s still as power hungry as twenty years earlier – would Anakin’s redemption feel earned at the end? Would it feel real? Would it have that cathartic hopeful power which became franchise’s legacy? Because what, he didn’t let his kid get fried in front of him? He, who burned the world because he dreamt of his wife’s death? Or because he died early enough to not overtake the Empire?

Anakin’s redemption did not take place. Franchise’s message has been a lie all along – or a hypocrisy because why would Anakin and his mighty Skywalker blood grandson get redeemed but Dooku or Maul not? Clearly, Vader has done more evil than these two combined and Kylo Ren is now Palpatine 3.0 showing he was after power all along. Anakin’s force ghost? An illusion for children.

But it’s ok. Lies can give lasting fruits. Growing up is accepting they’re lies and going on with your life.

[irrfahrer]

Ziv is a 10, but she left a whole bantha on my robe (im almost sure otters dont shed but its funny shhhh)

Send “They’re ’s a 10, but..” and fill in the rest to call out my Muse !

Criz' comment, although Ziv wa pretty sure he did not knew exactly what that meant, made the Tynnan grin and she patted a small paw against her cheek, fluffing it up even more. She winked at the younger, wriggling her whiskers in his direction sweetly: "Bah, pup, be kriffing thankful that your robe got such a amazing kriffing upgrade! Tynnan fur is one of the denses pelts in the galaxy, in fact it actually cushions strike to my person and can isolate me from temperatures down to 50° celsius, so yeh. Tynnan rock, Suck it hairless Humanoids."

"Like, I think my beautifully soft, beautifull velvetly and beautifully thick pelt is a betterment of every piece of cloth I leave some kriffing hairs on, believe me! I had people just snuggling in my pelt and falling asleep for hours like kriffing baby-cubs all happy and content!" , she stopped, blinking, her ears wriggling up and down for a second while she was thinking. Then she added with a casual shrug of her shoulders:

"-which is not actually helping in my task as beeing seen as a serious person and not some random plushie, but anyway, what did you expect when I am dragged first on a kriffing iceplanet where I properly fluff up and then dragged back to couruscant with mild weather? I can´t control my kriffing hairgrowth, that shit happens on its kriffing own."

[irrfahrer]

[ FEED ] + reverse (Poe cooking)

DOMESTIC INTIMACY PROMPTS - add “+ REVERSE” to reverse the roles !

At this hour of the much too early morning the Temple was quiet and the grey darkness that was lightened by Couruscants never resting streetlights were hanging in the almost empty corridors and halls like silver dust. In Zivs eyesight the corridors and halls wre nothing but blurred shapes of grey and silver, but that did not meant much for her as not only knew she those halls since she had been a toddler, but she also needed to only follow one track of one scent that lead her securely like a trail through the halls. The last timethe Tynnan had been in the Templeat Couruscant had been before twelve months when the Specialist had been send off to check on one of the planets she was watching over during their process of Terraforming, yet the Jedi Temple had not changed in the last thausand years and it had also not changed in the twelve months in which Ziv had been at the edge of the Galaxy, planting different trees to test which species was hightening the oxygen Level the most in one of the enrichment domes she had build on those planets that were now nothing but dead pieces of earth but maybe in a few decads would turn into green forests again.

The corridor with the sleepingchambers dozed in the early morning- the Tynnan had never given much worth on belongigns and since the onnly time she was visiting the Temple was to use the Laboratorys in the Temple, she usually stayed in friends chambers instead of having her own that would be empty for most of the time. Accordingly the chamber was locked when Ziv walked closer, yet with a nimble paw Ziv put in the code to open the door, making it shift open with a quiet robotic hiss so she could lean her snout inside the room, grinning: “Hello Kriffer! Its been now twelve months nce the last time we have seen eachother in person and I know you are probably kriffing asleep, but since I know the code to your sleeping-chamber, I thought I can just celebrate sniffing your kriffing amazing cologne by beeing the wonderful kriffing asshole I always love to be and wake you up-” The second the door had opned enough for her to see inside not only there was suddenly other scents mixing in the well know trail of smells that Ziv had learned by heart was Poe Dameron, but instead of the thick darkness that was on the coddiros, she was greeted with waves of warm lamplight washing over her gently. Ziv stopped, suddenly her silverwhite ears jolted up as if she was a alerted animal. Mixed into Poes scent that hung so thickly in his chambers that she swore she would be able to grasp if if she would reach for it, the smells of something cooking lay in the air- spicey, hot and definitive better than the artifical meat she had had to eat the last twelve months in the enrichment dome on the small piece of dust that she was still in the process of terraforming. The Tynnan felt her stomach cramp painfully and suddenly growl like an hungry animal, making her buckle over a little. Suddenly she was very hungry- Ziv had never had put much worth into the taste and quality of food as she as a carnivore was not ablet to even taste most of the foods provided to humanoids and  for as long as it was filling her, she liked it, yet now she almost had an appetite.

"...did you- did you actually stayed up to wait and kriffing cook for me?", Ziv looked up,standing in the door with one paw at the doorframe as if she was not sure how to think about the situation and needed the hold to anchor herself and be able to pull back out of the situation if needed. The Tynnans ears turned after every single sound as if she was a leery animal not sure about the situation: “Kriff, did you slipped from diurnal primate to nocturnal primate when I had been away? When the Kriff did that miracle of biology happned? I was only twelve months gone, how the Kriff did you managed to smack over your own kriffing primate-biology? Like thank you for that,I am taking that sacrefice of your circadian rhytmn with joy and kriffing pleasure, and I also love to be here and see you again, well as much as as I can see you,you handsome whirl of kriffing blurred colours, but what the Kriff is going on? Are you alright or did some kriffery happned while I was not here?”

[ @poewingsdameron ]

[roxannepolice]

Dark side of the simulacra

Simulacra and precession of simulacra are one of the concepts explaining postmodernity, one created by Jean Baudrillard. I’m about to elaborate on what he understands by these terms, but for the less engaged among you, here’s the shortest definition ever:

Death Star is a simulacrum and StarKiller Base is a preceeding simulacrum. Or so they are in the eyes of general audience.

Ok, now for more elaboration. Simulacrum is basically a symbol which lost the connection with its meaning, destroying the meaning itself in the process. It’s in contrast to representation (which equates a meaning with a symbol), as simulation negates the symbol as value. Simulation encapsulates the meaning and the symbol and devours them both, transforming them into the simulacrum. A good comparison provided by Baudrillard is that of what simulation is commonly understood as and what are the result of its abuse. When you simulate a sickness (which is more than just pretending to be sick, to simulate you’ll force yourself to vomit, artificially heighten you temperature, etc.) you make people question if there even is anything like a sickness – because  if all the signs can be faked, then how can it be diagnosed? 

Baudrillard opens his dissertation by recalling a story about a country of cartographers – their great ambition was to create a map of their country which would be as accurate as possible. And so they would make it more and more accurate until finally they created a 1 to 1 map, basically a huge coloured blanket which covered their entire country. And if that sounds like apparent creative process behind The Force Awakens – then yeah, it should. I’ll say more, it’s the next generation of that cartographer country taking a satellite photo of that 1 to 1 map and covering that map with their satellite map.

Because Baudrillard presents four stages of relationship between a meaning a simulacrum:

a meaning, an idea (say, and idea of destruction, aggression)

an idea receives a tangible body (nuclear weapons. I mean the real ones.)

tangible reality receives abstract symbols, which don’t lose touch with the meaning – that’s the level of representation (Death Star. it’s overblown, it’s fictional but it represents a fear of a weapon capable of destroying entire planet, a fear very real during the cold war)

abstract symbols give birth to new abstract symbols, which may make an impression of being more real than the actual idea (StarKiller. Death Star only BIGGERRRRRRR, so more EVIL than the Death Star) – and this is also the point at which that symbol of a symbol may destroy its own meaning, become the exact opposite of itself (obviously both Death Star and SKB are negative symbols of aggression and how many people here on the hellsite met with very real aggression over a very not real StarKiller?)

Now, to the average viewer, that’s how TFA came to be. Take A New Hope and repeat it. Maybe make everything more – make Rey more abandoned than Luke, BB-8 cuter than R2-D2, StarKiller bigger than Death Star, Hux more skinny than Tarkin, First Order more nazi than Empire, Resistance more heroic than Rebels and Kylo Ren more evil than Darth Vader, underlined by giving him an even more evil looking lightsaber. Oh, and give Luke a more Jesus like hair than Obi-Wan had.

To fake. To dream. Perchance to watch The Last Jedi and throw a tantrum because what the hell is this?

Yes, TLJ destroyed every illusion that the sequels will be simply an originals’ simulacrum. Resident Vader didn’t get redeemed when he killed the resident Palpatine, Luke didn’t happily jump back into action like Obi-Wan, a heroic Rouge One like disobedience got people pointlessly killed,  apparent neutral good Lando was a actually a selfish junk and celibate-to-be orphan looking for her parents actually knew all along her parents were dead garbage and, wait, wants a D? An evil D at that? PREPOSTEROUS, that’s against everything Star Wars is.

Well, thank the force we got such reactions. Because it shows the symbol needs to be reattached to its meaning before it gets devoured by simulation, which is exactly what I believe the sequels are here to do. Now, as I confess I didn’t recognize in 2015 but the fine people on this site have shown me, there were obvious clues this was not going to go the way we think already in TFA, but, well, they require a moment’s thought. On the most obvious symbolic level – the StarKiller didn’t simply get blown up like Death Star only once the shell fell off, a sun was reborn. Anyway, enjoy.

Devil wears Boss or how to make nazis even more nazi

Trigger warning: I go unpleasant places in this paragraph relating to WW II and nazism, up to the point of actually quoting nazi agenda, but if you want to reattach a meaning with a simulacrum sometimes you have to go to unpleasant places. That being said, if it is upsetting to you, please stop here.

Arite, how many people here have been called literal nazi supporters for rooting for Kylo Ben’s redemption?

How many for rejoicing over Darth Anakin’s redemption?

Yeah. First Order is even more nazi than the Empire. Their weapon is more destructive, Hux is more Hitler, cinematography is more Riefenstahl, oh, and look, the protagonists are a woman and a POC, in case there was any question of power imbalance represented. Well, clearly, First Order are literal neo nazis, right?

Hold your horses. LITERAL definition of neonazism from online Collins dictionary: a modern extreme right-wing political movement and ideology based on a resurgence of support for Nazi ideological principles. Ok... So, Nazism? Nazi Party, byname of National Socialist German Workers’ Party, German Nationalsozialistische Deutsche Arbeiterpartei (NSDAP), political party of the mass movement known as National Socialism. Under the leadership of Adolf Hitler, the party came to power in Germany in 1933 and governed by totalitarian methods until 1945. I can’t see anything literal here to be applied to the GFFA, especially if Star Wars happen a long time ago. Mean question, but how many woken tumblrers knew there’s “socialist” in NSDAP?

I could rest my case here. But of course, what we do mean by “literal” Nazism is racism, anti-Semitism, homophobia, cult of a leader, cult of power, belief in god given superiority... And to be fair, oversticking to historical circumstances may be just as harmful as overabstracting the subject, as I’m about to point out. But there’s still nothing “literal” in a sequel to kids’ movie.

That’s simulation at its finest. Symbols, appearances of imperialist ideologies have become completely detached from how they actually functioned historically – and themselves became a reason to send racist anons over a space opera. Now, I have a misfortune of living in a country where far right is doing well right now and if you think those guys are listening to Wagner, you’re badly mistaken. Of course, they won’t call themselves neonazis, because Nazism is a thing exclusive to Germans and European Union is heir apparent to Third Reich. And abortion is a nazi practice. And Hitler was a vegetarian, so vegetarians are evil. That’s what they actually say you know. But hatred towards people of other ethnicities and religions? Yes, very much there. Including suggestions of “final solutions”, albeit mostly in online discussions. Oh, and guess what, they can watch Star Wars and understand that they are supposed to be FO. Conclusion? Hollywood-jewish agenda. Believe me, showing the FO members die in agony won’t make actual neonazis rethink their ways. They’re romantic heroes on a quest against a globalist empire, strike them down and they’ll become more powerful.

The First Order aren’t literal neonazis. They are neo-frequent-villains-in-video-games-nazis. I would actually argue that the parallel to Nazism in Star Wars only became clear when we saw how Palpatine came to power – in thunderous applause of democratic rules, just like Hitler and it should above all warn us of the pitfalls awaiting a system as good as democracy. Making Rae Sloane, a co-creator of the first order a bisexual WOC was a conscious step at detaching FO from what the nazi party historically was. The original imperials are closer to a more abstract totalitarian system and imperial ideology, thus being more of a critique of generally understood western world in the 70s, finding its peak in Vietnam War. Interestingly, one of the movies which inspired Lucas while making ANH was Pontecorvo’s The Battle of Algiers, where “the Empire” would be... France. Somehow I don’t see Renperor being compared to de Gaulle.

Ah, but that’s not so simple. If we want to dig deeper, beyond the level of tangible history and into the world of ideas, then FO is indeed symbolic of Nazism understood as aggression, thoughtless hatred, war, will to destroy all opposition, army as a totalitarian subsystem, suspension of human rights, antiparliamentarism. That’s nothing good and historical circumstances have nothing to do with it. And Disney-LF brings this point home. Depiction of violence in the sequels is much more realistic than in the originals. 

Mind probe, in the originals shown as an evil looking syringe and Vader with Leia behind closed doors (no screams, next time we see her she’s fine), in the sequels is shown as a psychological violation of the worst kind

Death Star shot Alderaan we knew nothing about into smithereens and it was soooo coool and all we saw was Leia’s horror and Obi-Wan’s impression in the force – StarKiller was a slow scene with evil red rays and horror of people on Couruscant, planet we knew well, as they were about to be burned to death 

Vader was force choking anonymous imperials to death like nothing short of a comic relief, Kylo choking Hux not to death is unpleasant to watch even if you remember it was Armitage who rooted for using the SKB

Originals’ stormtroopers were faceless cannon fodder, sequels’ have Finn’s face and history of brainwashing. 

So, in this sense, FO are indeed metaphorical (because still not literal) neonazis in a very realistic war circumastances of blood, suffering and subjugation. And I have no doubt that as a collective there’s nothing good in store for them in this trilogy.

But.

Allow me to quote the “best” expert on Nazism there’s ever been (yes, I’m using Hitler’s quote in tumblr post, I can’t believe it, Star Wars what are you making me do, don’t worry, I’m reaching the end of the political dissertation):

It is part of a great leader’s genius to make even widely separated adversaries appear as if they belonged to but one category, because among weakly and undecided characters the recognition of various enemies all too easily marks the beginning of doubt of one’s own rightness.

Talk about expertise in mass psychology. Take a breath, we’re about to return to the GFFA, but so many people use the nazi argument I feel they need contact with LITERAL nazis.

Consciousness of this technique of manipulating the masses is basically why I believe we’re about to get extremist Resistance and differentiated FO. Because right now we have no doubt of the former’s rightness and no recognition of variety in the latter (except for maybe stormtroopers). Additionally, we have coded them as good and bad guys before TFA’s opening crawl even appeared, courtesy of precession of simulacra, promos and how the good guys and the bad guys looked like in the originals. Sustaining this belief is a LITERAL totalitarian technique. And I believe Disney-LF is already making ground for a massive change, both with big game changers like Galen Erso and Finn, but also on a more everyday level in Solo, with actually surprisingly human imperial official coming up with Han’s surname.

FO are the bad guys because they use offensive violence and have no respect for human rights, not use offensive violence because they are the bad guys. And violence used by the Resistance doesn’t become good because good guys use it – they are the good guys because, so far, they’ve only used it defensively and avoided collateral damage. And when the agenda stops being rebuild the republic and becomes burn the first order down – we have reasons to believe it can change. Dehumanisation of the enemy is the first step to lose your own humanity. No extremists attack not believing it was the only way to achieve a noble higher goal.

To cut the long story short, villainy needs to be reattached to offensive violence and not Hugo Boss uniforms. And at this point, I’m afraid it can only be done by making it equally terrifying when dressed in cool leather jackets.