#like. idk. ik i keep saying it but being really really really depressed for a year was. really fucked up.

[cringelordofchaos]

Disability + Queer headcanons for some South Park characters i like

(warning: u might not agree w everything i have to say !!! :shocked emoji:)

(also sorry if im inconsistent w some characters pronouns ill probably refer to a character with their canon pronouns in the show and then when i remember trans hcs of said characterr suddenly ill refer to the w different pronouns)

Craig Tucker

- gay (no fucking shit sherlock)

- level 1 autistic, low empathy, difficulties communicating and understanding emotions, yada yada u get the gist

- some form of anxiety? idk probs not to a disordered amount but its there.

Kenny McCormick

- Chronic pain (everywhere)

- Epilepsy

- dude LITERALLY got a seizure from simply playing a video game (in thepokemon episode) this dudes physical health is so bad prolly cuz his constant deaths still leave an impact on him even after he gets revived?

- autism !? (idk im not 100% sure just yet)

- selectively mute

- probably some form of (complex?) PTSD from the constant traumatizing deaths he endures though again like im not sure

- but yyeah ok i just remembered thispost is about disability AND queer hcs so uhm kenny. I like the genderqueer hcs but he could also just be really gnc and i love that for him too. either way likes women a lot and i cant exactly imagine him liking a dude? like idk maybe but nah i dont see it

Tweek Tweak

- im sorry but i personally dont view him as having adhd cuz his parents tell others hes hyperactive bc of it but really its because they keep drugging the fucking eight year old so idk. like idk he could possibly have it but i cant decipher cuz we dont know what tweek would be like if he wasnt drugged and a coffee addict at such a young age. and causes of symptoms matter

- but yeah he def has GAD and panic disorder bc of the drugged coffee

- oh also gay

eric cartman

- NPD (i know hes a really stereotypical and harmful portrayal of it and there should be better representation of it but theres no way he doesnt have it im sorry)

- sexuality and gender are whatever benefits him at the moment

(ok but if ur actually wondering abt my hc hes probably gay)(in extreme denial obviously though)

Butters Stotch

- has some form of disorder related to trauma and if he doesnt hell get one when he grows up because like dudes been through SOME FUCKING SHIT. (and he canonically falls asleep to and wakes up to the sounds of his own screams so like. uhm)

- seems like hes straight? like could be bi though idk. he DID have a crush on princess kenny though? take it as you will lmao

- SHIT i forgot about marjorine. yeah just like w kenny either genderqueer or gnc, love both hcs

- may i suggest aroace butters though

- or no sexuality butters (he doesnt have a sexuality :broke heart:)(dont aks me how that works it jst does)

Stan Marsh

- Major depressive disorder

- literal alcoholic at age 10 thats bound to mess him up for life one way or another

- canonically diagnosed with asperger's syndrome but it was his obvious depression being misdiagnosed

- bi but like only gay for specific chars. but yeah confused abt sexuality

- gender questioning too and its pretty canon as shown in 'the cissy'. though then again stans really empathetic so u could say stans confused feelings of gender identity were just being influenced by cartman and wendy recently telling the school theyre trans. idk WHICH way stans trans though and neither do they

- emo

kyle broflovski

- im gonna hes say asexual cuz of human kite's character chart thingy and also bc why not

- have got zero clue as to what his sexuality is like. im a style shipper (big surprise ik) so u might think i think he likes dudes but idk. ive never seen anyone hc him as aroace before but i think it could fit him. he does seem like he could just be cishet too. or maybe bi? ive also seen gay hcs of him. idk man i think multiple fit depending on how u interpret his character?

-

Tolkien Black

- his roleplay character chart thingy said ther character was gender neutral so im going w that hc

- likes girls (canon as shown in cartman finds love)

Bradly/Bradley (the one from the conversion therapy episode)

- gay (SHOCKER)(BIGASS SURPRISE)(

Timmy

- canon wheelchair user (whats the term again i forgor) and also intellectually disabled (but also there was one point where it was revealed he was actually a genius i think?? so maybe hes not intellectually disabled but rather he lacks the capacity to express or communicate his inner world? idk)

- timmy

thas all i got for now im too lazy to continue but yeah pls dont kill me for these

EDIT 11/JUNE/2024: forgot to say this but also kenny has more physical disabilities than listed and also Cartman is dyslexic in my hc

[miloway]

Life update: I have been REALLY GOING THROUGH IT GODDAMN 😭

1. Saw Taemin in concert, that was dope

2. Bsf got a promise ring from her bf which now means my stereotypical first lesbian situationship with best friend is finally over 🥳 the tension that was once there for YEARS is now gone and I feel light but...

3. So it started 2 weeks ago, I had been interacting with my twt oomfs and realised 3 of them have a similar name, so ofc for funsies I made a list with just the 3 of them and put notifications on for all 3 just cuz I liked interacting with them, no biggie! Right?

Well... then they started flirting with eachother under each other's posts and replies which I could see all of and I also joined in, cuz flirting is fun. Then the flirting started getting serious and shit... And I'm like damn, I'm starting to feel a bit left out 😢 THEN in the middle of the taemin concert on Tuesday during a short break I saw the notification...

One of them claimed the other 2 as their wife and husband and I'm like oooh so i can't tell if they're joking or if they're legit in a relationship... Hahaaaa let me leave a joking comment asking them not to forget me (which they answer to saying they won't)

Then in the following days their notifs started harassing me... The flirting, so much flirting, and that point I realised oh shit I really like all 3 even if it's just platonic and not romantic, I just wanna be a part of their polycule 😭

Then they start to post screenshots from a group chat and a discord server with just the 3 of them, so at this point I'm feeling alienated and I don't even have the guts to flirt with any of them anymore. And I kinda lose my shit on my priv account (I am very dramatic) I even post something about being depressed on my main and one of them responds comforting me 😭😭😭 and I'm like goddamn you don't even know this play is about you 💔

The flirting continues and slowly I start seeing more "I love you"s in the notifs and I'm like, Oh. They're actually in a relationship aren't they, well shit. Now I feel like I'm butting in where I don't belong but I still like all of them and still want to interact with them so I keep their notifications on.

Then I stupidly make the mistake of mentioning on main that I have a priv and one of them replies asking to become moots on each other's privs... Well ofc I accept, but not before deleting every single twt I made about them, then another one makes a priv and I'm like sure fuck it, I'll add them to my priv too, so now I can't vent on my priv without outright saying what I'm talking about (I have to be vague and shit) so I'm venting here instead :D

Now I'm getting to the point where idk how much more of this I can take, I'll be waiting until the end of this week to decide if I turn off their notifs or not 😭

This keeps reminding me of situations that I've ended up in with my bsf like... Sighhh I wanna vent about it but I don't wanna air out her business so now I feel a bit stuck (I should write some songs) anyways there are many similarities to situations I've been in the past 🥲

I always end up stuck as an outsider trying to get in to another's relationship, or atleast it's feels like it, it never happens but I just crave to be apart of it but ik thats impossible for me. I just can't help but think I'll never be good enough for that and I'm never worth being someone's priority, so I stick to the sidelines, just watching as my heart cracks every time I witness a scene. Why can't I be a part of that, why can't I love right, why do I know that if it actually happens, I'll hurt the other with the only way that I'm able to love.

Fuck.

[haleigh-sloth]

Okay, cool! I wanted to make it was okay before I sent you any questions regarding the new chapter.

After this week's chapter, how are you feeling with the new circumstances? Do you think the new crying character is Tenko?

At the very end, we see Endeavor in front of the glass window with presumably Touya inside. It's good to see that Endeavor is keeping his promise of watching Touya.

I feel like Touya is at a safe point in the story, I can't imagine him dying. I am sure Touya is here to stay.

Regarding pretty much all the other villains, I'm 0% worried about them. Honestly. Even with the shell shock of what's going on with Tenko right now, I'm still just not worried. At all.

Tenko---I 100% HOPE it's him. I am also fairly convinced it's him. The only reason I cannot fully commit is just because of my trust issues right now, that's it.

But honestly, IF Hori was going to bring him back, this would be the best way to do it imo.

I think the fact that Deku was feeling depressed about the outcome with Tenko means that he'll do something to rectify that. Tenko wandering the streets right now? Alone? History repeating itself? It's almost too perfect of a set up for Deku to find him (instead of someone demented like AFO) and help him. That would not only be a solid showing of how Deku intends to stop history from repeating itself, but also fix the fact that he's unhappy with how things turned out before (I will wait to say my complaints about his characterization being dead in the water until the very end, though I am not super convinced Hori can redeem himself on THAT front). It would put the main character on par with the other two kids who saved their villains without killing them.

For reasons related to Tenko--I think this thread gives the best rationale as to why it would be/could be/should be Tenko. I do think the elephant in the room was "what the fuck is he gonna do about his physical body that's fucked all kinds of up from the inside out". We all sat with the potential for rewind to come into play. Right now, it's really looking like Kurogiri had some role in saving parts of Tomura's physical body at the last second and the other half of decay (which was very intentionally revealed right before he was punched to dust) putting him back together. And honestly, ik people are arguing that "the nose and eye shape are different!" and honestly who fucking cares. IF this character is in fact Tenko, it DOES make sense that he'd look different. The four bloody fingers, the covering of his mouth, the tears, the black shaggy hair, (the skinny bony ankles lmao), it just feels a little too on the nose to not be Tenko? I am convinced, but just with caution.

Then there's the whole "turn a minus into a 0" with Mirio, looking back at the chapter title "the story of how we all became heroes part minus 1". It's just...yeah idk. It all feels a little too perfect to just throw away.

Then there's the lack of closure and follow up on Spinner from the war, and we don't know if Deku delivered the eerie message (implying that Tomura still views Tomura as separate from who he is at his core because Tomura wanted to destroy until the very end). There's Kurogiri's last (possibly last? not sold on his death either but less invested in his return) words about how his friends are waiting for him, that also received no follow up. I don't believe Hori put those things in there to just move on and pretend they never happened. Tomura also said the villains need a hero of their own, which yes, but they also needed heroes who weren't gonna destroy things they cared about. And he needs to be around to see that none of them really want or need total destruction. It's just very unfinished.

Over all, I (and many others) have felt so weird about the last few chapters. They have felt so disconnected from the rest of the manga and from everything Horikoshi has written in the past and even in this manga. I'm kind of just settled on the very very likely and real possibility that Hori is doing this on purpose so he can get one last good GASP out of all of us and laugh maniacally about it from his stupid little manga studio. Fuck that guy. Respectfully.

That being said, if things don't go this way, I'm prepared. But I'll continue to hope for the best.

[dashielldeveron]

1000000% agree with you about your takes on the mha ending, it sits so wrong with me that toga, touya and tenko don’t get to be redeemed but don’t get to even survive??? Like they victims of abuse stemming bc of hero society and they don’t even get to live in the ‘new’ ‘’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’changed’’’’’’’’’’’’’’ world LMAO that’s fucked. ESPECIALLY WHEN NO 1 ABUSER ENDEAVOUR GETS TO NOT ONLY LIVE BUT HAVE THE REDEMPTION ARC??? and to a lesser extent overhaul too??? Like ik he isn’t redeemed in anyway but he gets to live?? The message is soooo depressing when the two most prominent abuse figures get to live but the victims aren’t even worthy of a second chance. This is why we have fanworks ig.

( also this is completely unrelated but who do you think had the best pro hero redesign.for me I think kaminari looks very. nice. and bkgs bomb tassel hair tie things r cute. Also idk why hori felt the need to do a aizawa shinsou hair transplant 😭😭😭😭 like

shinsou: where is mr aizawa???

mic: who do u think gave you the hair….)

listen,.,..,i can excuse murder (touya), but i draw the line at child abuse (endeavor) lol. i hadn't even been thinking about overhaul!!! yeah, why does he get to live when, out of the the villains besides AFO, he's the one with the worst intentions?? why give us a found family if they're gonna be torn apart forever?? sigh. how would you have approached the endeavour and overhaul stuff??

at this point, i kind of hope we all stay in collective denial and keep our fandom standard of, like, baku/todo/deku as the top three heroes, complete with OFA. it's not that i'm mad deku lost OFA; that could make sense narratively, but it's that he gets iron man-ed up that pisses me off. it's like a retraction that being quirkless is fine, since deku needs that power to hang out with his friends. sigh. sigh. sigh.

well! i'm finally glad yaoyorozu got fabric to cover her boobs. she deserves it. i liked the flashes of jirou, eri, and sero that we got. and this is me projecting, but a lot of them having long hair down while they fight seems impractical. i know hair growth/cutting is a primary way to show time has passed, but i especially think mina could have trouble with her longer hair--looks cool but might get in the way of her acid.

and i will say that i much prefer aizawa's and shinsou's old hairstyles. and lololol kirishima looks like he's drawn in a completely different manga with how detailed and buff he looks; good for him. i need to yank bakugou's explosion tassel things i need to bite them grrr grr bite bite bite definitely not the design i was expecting but definitely interesting!!!! and that closeup panel we got of shouto.... 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀 what a h*nds*me man. despite the weird storytelling choices lately, the art remains very, very beautiful. hori is very good at drawing interesting designs and beautiful people, and there must be an odd pressure to draw really well when your whole cast is hot. so, at least the art hasn't fallen off.

i hope we can all keep making fun art even though the series has been strange at the end!!! thanks for your thoughts; i need to hear everyone's take on this bizarre turn of events

[sharksarewaterdogs]

Rottmnt Heroes & Villains Split Siblings Au (pt 2)

Red & Blue time!

Splinter dropped two babies on his escape, so he has only Raph & Leo. He is Super Depressed bc he thinks he's to blame for the deaths of two of his boys (he blames Draxum too, but puts a lot on himself)

He is... not a great parent, but it's a complex situation. He's been betrayed by two partners, has the Battle Nexus trauma, has been mutated, had kids he had no choice in gaining thrust on him, and blames himself for the death of two of them. That's not even to mention the hardships of his life before tangling with yokai. He is going through it.

Unfortunately, so are the boys. Yay generational trauma.

Raph is even more parentified. His anxiety levels have never dropped below like, 90%. Usually they're at a steady 110.

Being the Strong One who takes care of others becomes a core part of his identity. He wants to be a hero bc he feels a strong need to look out for others. He struggles with a hyper-inflated need to prioritize this and neglect of his own interests and well-being.

Leo struggles with low self-esteem and attachment issues stemming from Splinter's neglect that he hides under bravado and seeming ego. He's a bit more clingy to Raph bc Raph is the only one who he really interacted with for the first, like, eleven to twelve years of his life.

Raph's hero name is obvi the Red Angel of Preventing Harm. Idk the others' hero/villain names yet lol

Their first "mission" out was to get food, bc they ran out & Splinter was in a particularly bad period of depression. These boys have a 2012-esque familiarity with eating algae & worms when things got really tight 😬 but Raph finally decided on making a run himself.

Leo was *not* supposed to come along. He snuck behind.

They saw a girl getting attacked while they're out & they're REALLY not supposed to interact with humans but they HAD to help her so they mustered all their ninja enthusiasm and helped fight off her attackers

(Help, bc she might've been small but very handy with a bat.)

They disappeared before April got a chance to say anything, but she didn't forget them. She set up a camera system in the area in which they appeared and wrote about the new mysterious ninja vigilantes of New York on her blog/for her junior high paper.

When they next dared come out, they met again with April, and she excitedly saw them as heroes she wanted to interview, and was Persistent in getting them to talk, which led to her finding out they were mutants.

To their shock, she was totally cool with this. Still nice to them (if a little scarily energetic. She's the first person they've met outside of each other or Splinter, they have mad social anxiety, but social anxiety quivers in the face of Young April Determined to Make Friends). She becomes their best friend/cool cousin figure. (Ik ppl say big sis but I get cool older cousin vibes, idk you can see it how you like.)

April seeded the idea of them as heroes, tho that was before she knew how young they were. They still determine to be heroes, but Raph sets a firm boundary that Leo has to be 14 first. In the meantime, they slowly slip away more to the outside world as April introduces them to new experiences.

Leo's 14th birthday comes up, and they make their Real Debut.

They suck lol. They have no official training, beyond play acting out Lou Jitsu movies and what lessons they learned with April from YouTube that generally devolved into just goofing off together despite Raph trying to keep them on track. They thus lack the fighting skills of PB&J duo, but not the spirit. And somehow, with that spirit, they actually manage to *not* suck through force of will (& luck).

PB&J make their debut as villains around the same time, and Red & Blue foil their plans, starting their Hero v Villain rivalry.

More later it's long again lol.

[broodsys]

negative, vent, just need to say it but don't want advice or anything

I am soooo freaked out by being unemployed like fucking hell what am I doing? or going to do?

I'm not trying enough, istg getting a job nowadays is a job in and of itself but I need to keep pushing myself and applying and making all the weird accounts I'll never use again just to get rejected or ignored but never give into the depression that elicits and-

fuck. I'm just tired and panicky and avoidant but ik I can't maintain this avoidance and ik the longer I let it go the worse the gap will look but it already looks bad and I'm without job experience and-

really thinking about applying for disability even tho that's a mess too but. idk what else to do :/ staying with my family rn but the money is Not going to last

genuinely can't do in person work, either. I'm to immunocompromised. even if I somehow magically avoid covid I'll still get everyone's colds and stomach bugs and whatever else. not too mention I'm too plainly physically disabled to manage any kind of commute/in person work/commute again. like I'd burn out so fast

just. ugh. I really want to work - I want to have that external schedule, I want to make money, I want to build stability rather than this awful uncertainty. but here we are.

[liquidstar]

Ok so, I have only ever watched one episode of Adventure Time, and it was on a hotel room TV, in terrible hindi dub, and I barely remember it on account of being 10(?) but it horrified me.

I remember the MCs trying to get Ice King a girlfriend or something, but he keeps being a gross asshole so they take him to a lake and point at some swans to try and explain love to him. They point to two swans kissing like ':D' and he's like 'ewww' and then the male swan suCKS IN AND EATS THE FEMALE and IK's like ':)))' while the boys stare in horror.

IDR how the episode ended or how much I watched, but I remember thinking 'wow american cartoons are hardcore. I'm sticking to pirated pokemon from now on.'

And you are telling me that show had lesbians in it leter????

oh my god im so sorry but imagining you watching that swan scene as a 10 year old is so fucking funny, i can understand why you stuck with pirated pokemon LOL

adventure time is absolutely very fucked up in a lot of different ways. the early seasons leaned into that type of absurd shit you just described a lot more especially. while the later ones actually started getting more existential and building on the worlds lore.

there wasnt exactly a focused plot, per say. i mean, there was, but it wasnt something methodical and planned out, it was played by ear. and i think it really worked. the way they did it turned out a really cool magic system (based on the idea that reality is just collective perception, and magic users are aware of this and can manipulate perception ergo reality. but the more cosmic knowledge you have the more insane or depressed you become etc especially if youre mortal), and also cool world building (it takes place in a post apocalypse after a nuclear war, now far into the future the face of the earth has completely changed but the horrors unleashed still impact it today), and also a lot of really amazing themes (the world is always changing and nothing is ever permanent, but no matter how things change things also stay the same, in a different way. especially where bonds and love are concerned. everything stays.)

and YEAH there are lesbians (i mean i always hc marcy as bi but still). and they also come from the shows improvisational nature. theres a lot of genuinely really amazing relationships and plotpoints born out of that to me. like, as the show starts to get a lot more thematically dense later on it can seem like a weird shift. some ppl say it got pretentious over time bc its not as goofy (its still pretty goofy lol), but i think it worked... like... perfectly.

because its a coming of age story where the main character actually ages, it actually feels so right that the world around him begins to seem different too. it makes sense that when he was 12 we were doing stupid goofy adventures, when he was 15 we were watching him deal with a lot of really fucked up trauma, and when he was 17 we watched him learn to grow as a person who thinks beyond simple terms of good and evil.

i know im tottaaallly rambling at this point but theres really an insane amount to talk about with adventure time. the timeline alone is ridiculous. but mostly i think my passion comes down to the fact that i was also growing up with the story, always around the same age as the mc going through similar stuff... even now, the story is focusing on a depressed 20-something trying to find whimsy in her life again. and technically the last episode timeline-wise is about accepting death lol

so like idk how exactly id recommend it to a new viewer, its really possible that a lot of ppl wont be able to really tolerate the early seasons as adults (i mean, i think theyre charming, but i have nostalgia goggles lol). that being said i think that its a series totally worth a shot for everyone... eventually. if it sounds interesting you just gotta accept the goofiness at first and trust that youre in for something wild in a totally different way later on. and totally unique and cool and special in a way nothing else has really been able to capture for me since.

TL;DR: no yeah the show was incredibly fucked up and that swan did eat that other swan. but it does have themes and also lesbians.

[cheeseandbretboy]

since turns out informed consent is practiced in australia i dont really need a gd diagnosis and i hoped if i got one my mother would believe me but its been so long and ive distanced myself from her because i thought she wouldn't even speak to me, she said she will probably still stay in contact but wont accept me and will use the wrong name and pronouns forever and i dont think i can stay around her a lot if thats the case the point of therapy was that she would understand me but if its not gonna go anywhere whats the point?? ik what i want ive been thinking about this my entire life and sigh she expects me to be 100% fine after YEARS of being ignored, she knew i was having a hard time and that i was cutting myself and starving and wanting to kms but its only now when my sister brings it up she thinks its best to do it, and like, wow! it is actually too late. i got myself through all that alone and now that im stable she wants to 'explore other options'. i tried explaining conversion therapy does not work but she doesn't care. idk what to do chat! sister said to wait it out and she will probably get better but i doubt it. i dont know if i can mentally take it if she cant just respect me, i get not being supportive but just using the right prns cant be that difficult, at least TRYING?! she said i was selfish and overreacting when i said it would be difficult for me to stay in touch regularly if that was the case ughggh and i thought she was a woke liberal but even she wont use other prns or terms to refer to me (ok that i get, maybe she will when im older) but she blatantly said it's a phase for me, that being queer is a phase nowadays and i just couldnt really believe she said that. i told her why the fuck would i want to be trans for a trend if i will literally not be able to come to the country where all my family is and where im from because i'll either be killed or arrested, and she said 'exactly, you said it doesnt matter what others think so why would you medically transition' and ok she doesn't understand thats ok, i tried explaining i have dysphoria but she cut me off saying im too negative and she cant talk to me about this. 'i dont gaf about your identity, i dont want to talk about this. just shut up and keep it to urself' i am so confuse guys bc she asked that we become closer and i tell her my issues.. i do not think she actually cares for me as a sister she never did, she bullied me endlessly and blamed it on her depression (which hey fair, but thats an explanation not an excuse and i have yet to recieve an apology) mother did nothing about that just let it happen like the abuse from my dad and i was happy to give her another chance i really looked up to her but she doesnt give a fuck about me she only likes me when its easy when im not selfish and egotistical (by the way guys she called me a hypochondriac isnt that crazy??) and like sigh i kind of hoped she would support but she does not.. 'you see mother is from a different generation, but im gen z i understand you' yea and u say queerness is a trend what the fleck... i get its difficult for ur sibling to be trans its really fucking annoying and heartbreaking but oh my god! and somehow she got it in her head that i tried convincinb mother to medically transition.. I HAVENT SPOKEN TO HER ABT TRANS STUFF FOR 3 YEARS THE FLIP I HAVE NOT.. i was going to wait it out with her and see if she adjusts bc shes my sister yk! but after 'why cant you just not transition' that just shows she is not willing to hear me out and see it from my perspective.. tbh this is just cis ppl, its difficult to understand smth that u dont have, that u take for granted. sighghgghgh sm happened but im back to distancing i was just confused but everything is still bad why did i let myself get sort of hopeful she said awful things that ill never forget its her greatest fear

[youremyheaven]

I really loved your post about moon dominant men and women. maybe bc I had a toxic friend like that, i liked that you kinda said a lot of bad stuff about them/criticized their behavior 😭 i LOVED that with my whole RAGE. idk if you can resonate too with all that I'll say, but i remember my friend always wanted to be on a different side than me. she legit accused other people of doing really bad things to her and, or told me "That guy is really abusive" for no apparent reason and pretended as if, since she felt that, then it must be true (also she talked shit about women and PROUDLY believed that if she felt that way about them, it's because they are hiding something/being sus). I used to think she had a good intuition, but she let that thing be blurred by her projections so much that in the end, she wasn't reliable AT ALL and mostly she was just picking up on things about herself and "blaming" others. Reminds me of the meme that says something like "Me saying there are bad vibes in the room but I'm the bad vibes in the room" lol. Also if you showed her proof that, for example, her favorite actor was an abuser or something she always replied "I'm not gonna believe that, there isn't enough proof" she used to believe the dumbest and craziest stuff like birds have cameras, her phone camera is hacked and someone is seeing her?? but if you showed her something REAL and TRUE she didn't believe it at all and she always said something like "hmm im not sure" I remember one day she was telling me that Aquarius was a water sign (it's stupid ik) I showed her screenshots and pics of a book saying Aquarius is an air sign and she said "I don't care, I don't think that's true" she was such a toxic bitch who never apologized for shit because she was incapable of recognizing her shitty behavior. she always talked about her parents as if they were the worst for the smallest dumbest shit like, her dad didn't think buying x was a good idea. One day I was suicidal and she told me that it was too much for her and that she needed to "take time for herself" Selena Gomez who?? and then claimed that I ruined her perception of me bc of that and she couldn't take it anymore. like?? if your friend being depressed victimized and ruined it all for YOU maybe you weren't a good friend to begin with. And it's not like I was draining her every day with my problems bc I'm the type to keep everything to myself and not ask anyone for help. She was the only friend who felt that way about the situation (it affected her so much that it was one of her reasons for deleting me from every social media 2 years later, out of nowhere, and making me feel like im the one who hurt her legit blaming it all on me feeling depressed once) she was also 3x moodier than me, 3x more mentally troubled and she attended parties/meetings with this face 😒 almost EVERY TIME, but if you were sad/angry or disappointed and you showed it, she always made herself the victim or said something like "Yeah that time you cried I wanted to kill you" like babe??? you are always in a bad mood but when someone else was, you dared to take it personally and act like you always do and know better. im really sorry if this was long, but your post helped me process this more than i already did 😭😭😭😭😭

omg bestieee im glad my post could help you😭😩😭 and im so so so sorry that you went through all that

as someone who endured a lot of abuse at the hands of multiple Moon dominant people, i really couldnt hold back on those posts even though I usually dont talk that much shit on any of my astro posts,,

what you said about the hating parents bit took me back to all the times my toxic ex bestie would fight with her parents over the dumbest stuff (her mom didn't let her buy something from the grocery store, im not kidding she had a whole meltdown bc of this) and what u said about them not giving a shit about your feelings/mental health LMFAO sounds exactly right,, i was sharing some deeply sad stuff and they said "okay i dont want to hear any more" like literally they said that,, i understand how some things can be triggering to hear but ??? there has to be a better way to deal with that situation instead of telling the person who is having a breakdown that u "can't hear it". she never apologised or saw anything wrong with her behaviour either. all the empathy i never received has pissed me off so much man, i feel u,, i feel so wronged for having put up with that stuff and for thinking that this is just how it is.

anybody reading this, please cut those fcking people out. they dont care, they never will and you will lose your time and energy on things you're better off without. cut them out. zero explanation. you dont owe them one.

[alienpupy]

About your top surgery:

Firstly, though, hoi! I'd like to say that I am happy for you, but I don't really feel happiness. Just nothing. But I am proud of you that you got the top surgery and seem very happy about it.

And going through your posts about it, I realize that I want top surgery, too. But I'm also genuinely afraid of the post-surgery time. And this makes me wonder, were you nervous or anxious before the surgery? (Also, apologies for the rambles and for not feeling the happiness for you)

no worries im happy to talk abt it :] i was anxious in the weeks and days coming up to the surgery, yea, but it was more anxiety abt stuff around the surgery than the procedure itself (like, ik several people who got top surgery at the same clinic and everything n they're super reputable so i wasnt worried about the medical aspect, just the preparations + i had to move appartments 10 days before the surgery + had to pack up AGAIN bc im actually staying with my parents for a month or two bc you absolutely need ppl to assist you with stuff during early recovery)

the closest thing to anxiety abt the actual surgery i had was one time a few weeks before it i was like "wait. what if i don't actually want this what if this is a mistake" and then to test it i put a bra and tshirt on and realized yeah no absolutely not thats just pointless self-doubt and i still hate these

it was rlly surreal tho if im being honest? idk if its even fully hit me that this was real and actually happened. I've wanted top surgery since i was like 13 but obv for most of that it felt like it was really distant in the future, and yet now that im flat it just feels. normal? like im still super early recovery so i havent actually seen my chest w/o the bandages yet but still just looking in the mirror with the bandages flat on my chest it just looks natural to me. its been less than a week and im already forgetting what it was like to have tits lmao (altho to be fair i've been binding for years so its not like they were ever a huge part of my life, just a major inconvenience)

and post-surgery really isnt that bad. i've complained about the weird nerve stuff, yea, but that does clear up eventually (altho ik it usually take years for the nerves to fully 100% heal, they're the slowest thing to regenerate). I've had basically zero pain, but i was still prescribed pain meds to take if i need them and given a lot of advice for healing as best as possible. the most important thing is definitely to have someone (or multiple people) be able to take time off to help you with everything (like, from food to drains to making sure you're comfortable and checking on you, you're not supposed to move your arms a lot or lift anything heavy for the first 6-ish weeks).

Post-op depression can be a thing for a lot of people too, but it hasnt hit me (at least not yet) and it can be avoided/mitigated by making sure you're not alone. having friends over, or calling people, making sure you still have games or movies or art to keep u occupied helps a ton.

also i dont think i've said it here before but i got top surgery at GRC montreal, and gender-affirming surgeries are covered by the government here in canada. I sent my paperwork/referral stuff there in may of last year, and it took them a couple months for each stage of processing but they gave me my surgery date (june 7th) a couple of months before, so (not counting the time to get a gender dysphoria diagnosis + letters from doctors and therapists and junk) i only had to wait about a year.

[darkwicks]

KIRI YAPPING ABOUT DMC AVAILABLE NOW ON NETFLICK (mostly spoiler free except for. well. the ending)

okay so idk where in the lore the series takes place in BUT whatever it is idc because I had SO MUCH FUN..... I enjoyed White Rabbit as an antagonist and that backstory almost had me bawling. Lady's too. I was in shambles. I would've cried if I wasn't in public rn. this show makes me depressed I'm gonna have to listen to Phoebe Bridgers' entire discography and enter the sad girl universe until this post-series hype dies down

This series wasn't playing around with explicit content lol the blood and gore went crazy. also the swearing was really funny to me because it sounds like a kid being excited they're allowed to swear😭😭😭 f bombs every other sentence very very amusing to me. but good!!! they SHOULD let Lady cuss at anyone she wants!!!!

I also liked the social/moral commentary of the whole thing, it's complex and it's infuriating and I love that in a story because for once I'd like to imagine these things were just tropes instead of, y'know, (gestures vaguely) le monde entier

what else. um. Dante was as insufferable as I needed him to be, got a lot of chuckles out of me. It was endearing. kinda like how I dunk on Johnny Cage a lot. Like I'll clown on him to the end of time but I am still fond of that dweeblord. That's #oomf. #Oomf may be stupid but hes still #oomf

I wasn't sure how I felt about this Lady at first but after watching the whole thing, I like her! they did a great job with the emotional Damage..... I am not immune to anything that has to do with family so yk. the waterworks were ready to spill. If there's one thing Imma do it's cry like a baby over lines!!!!!!!

I also LOVED the soundtrack. Ik my spotify playlists hate to see me coming bc as soon as I see a song title and the artist it's by in the captions, I'm adding it to my playlist. I do not care

I'm not even gonna get started on Vergil I'm afraid I don't have anything coherent to say. But just know I didn't know what to do what myself. I was jawdropping I was flailing and talking to the voices (my "chat" if you will) and I was struggling to keep it together bc I'M IN FRONT OF PEOPLE but um yeah the moment he first appeared I felt my heart sink because I knew it was him. like I just knew from seeing him

and when I actually saw him at the end I was overwhelmed with so much emotion I can't decide whether to be upset or angry but either way, in the wise words of sza:

Still love, and it's still love, and it's still love It's still love, still love (still love), still love It's still love, but it's still love, nothin' but love for you (nothin' but)

nothing that man does can make me hate him i'm afraid. like i'm mad at him. I'll nag him in every language I know because what the hell are you DOING!!!!!!!! but I'm also upset because like. it's so subjective. there aren't 'heroes' because one person's hero is another one's villain and that is so clear. I'm infuriated and I'm frustrated but I still love him and I think that's what makes this sooooo much more intense and belatedly i'm realising i said that i wasn't gonna talk about vergil but here i am rambling about him

I'm on a kick rn and I've never been good with words nor am I well-versed enough in the lore to criticise it or anything but. I had fun! It was a blast! I finished the whole thing in one sitting! yeah! the whole eight episodes. in one sitting! I took a ritalin and locked tf in and I don't regret it but maybe I should bc now idk what I'm gonna do with myself after this

Yeah idk man even if he was there for like 1 minute in all of the 8 episodes I was still glad to see him. time stopped fr. like that's my man. he's very emotional and doing stupid things rn but it's ok we all make mistakes. I can't fix him. He can't fix me either. but I'm not going to make him worse. I Will get through this together with him just WATCH ME

also seeing him kill so effortlessly should not have been so Blissful to watch but let's not talk about this

I'm the captain of the struggle bus rn and I expect Vergil to make up for the emotional distress he has caused me. in fact I expect EVERYONE in this show to make it up to me. we need to get rid of that raggedy oh-so-good Christian vice president ASAP because he's scaring the hoes (me)

I don't remember where I was going with this but all in all i had a lot of fun. Unfortunately you cannot get a rating out of me because if I enjoyed it then it's good. If I didn't enjoy it then it's not for me. I still prefer gameverse but this was a fun ride and it was nice seeing how different things could be, i thought it was creative and thrilling. Idk how else to say I had a lot of fun. But I had a lot of fun. Would do it again with an actual silent background so I can Fully Immerse myself

Anyway yeah it was good!!!! And I'm gonna be thinking about Vergil for the rest of the night. What did they put in that man for him to be so magnetic to me. I don't know. But I'm in love with him and I'm gonna stop here so I don't embarrass myself any further. Gg chat

I hope you'll enjoy it as much as I did if you plan on watching it too 💓

[lonelyloverz]

i’m not kidding when i say i have no reason to be depressed

i have two parents, my mom is a stahm ( i love her sm and she loves me too) and my dad has been able to provide for my siblings and i

although we used to move every 3/4 years we’ve always lived in somewhat suburban areas and as great of an education you can get at a public school

i’ve never known hunger, i’ve never been abused, never have been explicitly bullied, somehow (luckily) escaped racism, idk i’ve just never went thru anything worth calling trauma as a kid. the most traumatic experience during my first 18 years might be the pandemic and whatever quarantine was

and yet i’ve been feeling this sadness for years now. i’ve gradually felt it grow from my middle school years (which i lowkey think it was puberty until quarantine rammed it up to 100) during quarantine i was so sick of my family and myself i tried to strangle myself in the bathroom with a hair tie (🤣please laugh) obv didn’t work. getting out of quarantine, junior year i had no friends, i moved across the country then and i am a super quiet person and didn’t bother reaching out to others

forgot to preface this but i should prob explain my whole issue with friendships

so i had a ton of friends in middle school, i miraculously attended the same middle school from 6th to 8th grade and i got to know a lot of people as little kids do. me being the little shit i was went thru a i hate pink and anything girly phase (ik people use the term pick me/not like other girls but i feel like tiktok has completely simplified the phenomenon to girls putting girls down to attract guys when it was so much more complex than that) and tried so hard to hang out with these guys that played video games. they clearly didn’t like me and yet i hung out with them until fresh/sopho year in hs. like dude told me “you’re always just kinda there” and ik he was such a sweet guy and meant that in the nicest way but i couldn’t take the hint bcuz i liked playing games with them ☹️ it keeps me awake every damn night. but yeah that line just summarizes my whole personality. unless i’ve known you for years or you know me as this chronically online anime obsessed bl loving freak, im just kinda there. and it’s fine i’ve accepted it. but i’ve accepted it for so long that my English has just deteriorated atp, like im just throwing up words when i speak now (bro the tears in my eye rn) so now i have to keep quiet

i hate the look people give me when i talk and the way they have to cut me off because my ramblings don’t make sense. it hurts ik and it’s my own fault. it’s my own fault and im too embarrassed to do anything other than to die

i’m not lonely i just hate being awkward

i just wanna die

yeah i said it

it’s not like anyone other than my two baby siblings will miss me

i don’t really do much at home. i mainly do chores that only pertain to myself and my other younger sibling does the heavy work. somehow i get dismissed from doing chores simply for being a girl and “having more hw” so i get called princess since i never help. which rightfully so i guess. but yeah i have no presence in the outside world or in my home. ik my brother hates me. i wish he would lash out at me like i used to lash out at him when we were younger.

i can’t anymore

i can’t

i can’t

icant

this feeling is probably never going away

goodbye

[midnighteloquence]

lets rant about a person im starting to not like and lost of reasons why i dont

right uhh i need labels to get started

friend a: (hey pookie) FAV PERSONNNN!! ^^ i love them so much theyre so so cool and amazing and ahh best friend love ya

friend b: my first friend in this school!! i love her so much shes so so swag even if i dont tell her often how much she means to me shes sooo amazing

friend c: subject of this rant, we used to be rlly close but recently i stopped liking them as much

idk if theres anyone else im mentioning so thats gonna be it

okay so to start off (what i started off with anyways when i first ranted about this in the shower) is the fact that recently theyve been sending me tiktoks about really sexual things saying that its me and them. i know it is technically my fault for not being super clear on my boundaries and not saying whether somethings bothering me or not, but i just get so uncomfortable when you keep talking about about how you cum to me. i know that i make alot of sexual jokes with friend b, and for a while i didnt get why i was so uncomfortable with C making jokes about me, until i realised that its because with B i like them but with C i dont like them as much making me more uncomfortable towards them.

another reason is the fact that they lie, like all the time. even when it isn’t necessary. theyve said themselves that theyre a pathological liar, and that they have bpd, adhd, and depression and anxiety. which is why i never talk about any of my problems involving them. but literally i dont fucking get how they think im gonna believe them then 1st, none of them add up and 2nd, you lie to me when you know i know the truth?? like at some point i heard you talking shit about A, and when i bring it up you lie to me?? its just ugh. youve lied to my face so much i always ALWAYS think youre lying. you could be blatantly telling the truth but ill still think youre lying.

another mini thing is that you expect me to know so much about your past and your mental illness but you dont clarify anything about them?? like youve said “i cant do that and you know it.” but i seriously dont?? you havent told me anything about your bpd or how it effects you but you assume i know everything about it?? i cant just guess things im sorry

a really main thing is the fact that they keep insulting me (and many many MANYYYY others) on tons of things, more specifically about our insecurities. at some point, they kept on insulting my friend’s boyfriend’s face to the point they had to FUCKING COVER IT. AND THEY STILL CONTINUED?? and when mentioned that theyre a dick they say “oh i just dont know how to act nice”. LITERALLY. IF YOU HAVE NOTHING NICE TO SAY THEN STAY SILENT. actually you dont know how many new insecurities i have formed because of you. and ik i can speak for everyone you keep insulting “as a joke”.

another thing!! they are super contradictory and hypocritical. at some point they said something along the lines of “i know that you cant show affection very easily but still i think a little bit would be nice”. you admit yourself that you know i cant show affection that easy but then you still ask for it?? im fine with affection every now and again but you want me to always show affection. i cant be that fulfilling person for you and you know that but you still ask for it. plus; you have a partner yourself (oh also they keep telling different stories that dont add up like “i got to cuddle with my boyfriend” then say “hes gonna come over so i can see him irl for the first time!!”).

another note on the “fulfilling” part, i find myself almost always having to either convince you that i actually care for you or having to convince yourself not to kill yourself. its fucking exhausting. i have to repeat myself over and over and over and over and over again that i like you but you still say “yeah but bfr you dont”. i shouldnt have to do this constantly im tired of it. you are mentally ill, these are things you talk about to a fucking THERAPIST, not a 13 year old girl whos struggling herself.

TALKING ABOUT THE HYPOCRISY. right so they continuously say about how im not putting much effort into our friendship. but them themselves arent putting any effort into me. you talk about how if im distant you think i hate you, but when have you ever expressed actual interest in the things im saying? friendship goes both ways, not only do I have to make effort in getting closer to you, YOU have to make effort in getting closer to me.

literally you talk about how im never really interested in your interests, but i actually engage, i ask questions, i remember things. but you? all you do is answer with an uninterested “cool”. i know that youre struggling tho which is once again why i dont bring it up. literally you say im your favourite person, but when someone even dares tells you to talk to me you say “what is there to talk about? [my interest]?”

about your mental health, it is the primary reason why i dont bring anything up. because i know that youre suffering and i know that you’d say that thats the reason youre like that. but its so frustrating to have to continue to be your friend just because i know that if i leaved you’d do something drastic. im so exhausted and mentally drained because of this friendship.

you know yourself that i am struggling, you were at some point worried i was gonna kill myself. but you still continue to have to have me convince you that i dont want you to kys. “you’ll live” say that again to me istg.

alot of things ive already talked about on this account and my incognito account @imnooneyouknow so if you wanna know more check that out in the link below!! like and subscribe for more epic content!!

(bye)

[haveumetbi]

Hello!

I've been using tumblr for a long time, but only recently I've felt confident enough in my english to actually try to join communities and make friends. 

A little introduction... That is actually kinda really long and I’m not gonna subject y’all to it unless you want to, so here’s the tldr:

I’m an acearo, bi, cis girl (🇺🇸 she/her — 🇧🇷 ela/a).

White latina from Brazil.

I’m disabled and neurodivergent

I love sitcoms, comedy is my fav genre of fiction

and cats

and The Sims

and Turma da Mônica

and hairstyling, braids, make up

and Jane Austen

and Taylor Swift

If you like any of it, follow me!! I’ll definetely follow back. If your curious, read bellow.

I’m a 23 year old college student who is majoring in History. I’m kind of a huge nerd, I love subjects like History (duh), Literature, Politics, Philosophy, Psychology, Religion, but also Comedy (i find fascinating to analyze it, even if that kinda defeats the purpose, sue me). I kinda only watch sitcoms, actually, maybe because of how obsessed I am with the genre (more on that later). 

Being Brazilian I may reblog/talk about Brazillian issues/stuff and most definetely will reblog things about Turma da Mônica (brazil’s most beloved comic book series that shaped the childhood’s of at least 3 generations now since the 60s/70s), my longest autistic special interest. Oh, yeah, I’m also neurodivergent, AuDHD and also have persistent depressive disorder (dysthymia gang rise up! or dont, ik its hard and tiresome) and fibromyalgia.

Another special interest I’m unhinged about is The Sims, I use Tumblr mostly bc of it, so I’ll definitely reblog stuff about it, maybe if everythings works out I will even create a side simblr, who knows. I love historic/fantasy gameplay, would be cool to share with people.

Idk if its a SI or just regular cat owner thing, but I’m definitely obsessed with these little guys. Speaking of cat lover, I love Taylor Swift. Like, I’m very casual about most music I consume, but she is the exception, I just... feel SO MUCH with her songs. Idk, idk... She also makes me feel things on a sapphic way, though I’m no g*ylor or hetl*r (rlly dont care about who she dates, just here for the art). But not in a wow I wanna bang this celebrity I have a crush on, cuz I dont wanna bang no one, cuz I’m acearo. Just, dont swing that way (or any way, really /hj cuz i'm actually gray-bi-romantic but its very rare, so i'm usually not swinging at all lmao).

I really like to read, but it has been tough to keep the habit with depression and disabled adult life knocking at my door and kicking my ass... currently I’m finishing reading all Jane Austen’s work (i love her sense of humor and analyses of human psychology) in portuguese, but I plan to eventually read the original stuff in english. I just really love stories and storytelling as an art form, maybe that’s why I love to write. I’m obsessed with fanfictions, actually, been writing since I was 11, never anything in english, but who knows, actually creating and participating in tumblr may be the first step. I mostly write about tv shows I’m obsessed about (though I did write some Turma da Mônica Jovem fanfiction...... thank god I deleted, it was terrible, tho in my defense I was still a preteen) and I mostly watch sitcoms so.... About that...

My favorite sitcom ever is probably How I Met Your Mother (it was literally what i needed when i was going through a really rough patch) and BoJack Horseman (yes, cartoon sitcoms totally count, shut up). I’d say my first sitcom love was The Simpsons, my biodad had a lot of dvds and tapes from the golden seasons and the fondest memories of my childhood were us watching together and laughing like two idiots. My first fandom was iCarly (i was a preteen okay), but I wasnt a big fan of the revival/reboot (yes I was team seddie, no it has nothing to do with it, I gave it a shot, but just didnt vibe with it). I also love The Office, That 70′s Show, Never Have I Ever, Community, Our Flag Means Death, The Sex Lifes of College Girls, One Day at a Time and The Good Place.

I’m pretty sure the only other shows that I got obsessed with that weren’t sitcoms were Once Upon a Time and Lucifer, two shows that were quite humorous with its wacky premises (fairytales in real life???? the devil taking a vacation in LA??? i mean, c’mon!!). I’m loving the Percy Jackson disney adaptation, it was my favorite YA book series and it always bummed me that the movie adaptation was so terrible, I'm glad we finally have a great adaptation and can't wait for more seasons to come!!!

I’m very talkative (you dont say?? 😮 /s) and a total extroverted that really loves to make friends, but my communication difficulties really do shine on long distance conversation... be phone calls, video calls, emails, text messages etc... So, although I’d love if you shoot me a message, bc I love to make friends, I also am not the best texter, so dont expect someone who always immediately answers you right back cuz they are online — please dont take it personal, it has nothing to do with who is messaging me and everything to do with my disability mkay? And yes, I am trying to work this shit out in therapy, but you know... growth aint linear. When shit hits the fan, the first thing that I lose is the ability to answer text messages 😭 idk i just stare at them, they stare at me, i combust and die, the end. 

Dont know how to end this text, so, I’ll just show a pic of my cat, cuz shes everything. Bye!! 

[panickedove]

I hate having such harsh and nasty comments abt myself and my body but I hate more than anything not feeling attractive and it can’t just be me feeling fat. Like it has to be something else and I just can’t pin point what it is. I also just really wanna get my shit back together. I’m exhausted and I feel like I’ve been keeping myself from falling apart for the last six months and now I’m trying to be my best self but secretly I just want to be okay. Like I always push myself to extraordinary or exemplary but reality is, I’m not. I just want to exist. Building routine has also been impossible lately and idk why. I just want to be okay and I want to be happy with myself and I want to read more and I want to workout more. I do I do I do. I’ve been thinking about that indoor team that Jess invited me too but I’m just so scared of being shit and I’m also scarred of realizing how low my stamina is. Ik I can build it up but I’m already trying to just build everything else in myself up. Can somebody just please tell me that what I’m doing is enough? Can someone please just tell me they are proud of me? Can someone please just tell me that I’m doing great? Because I’m not feeling ok and i keep saying that I just want to be held and idk when that feeling will go away but fuck I just want to be held and nurtured. I miss Ashley a lot because she knew how to love me, I mean we were friends for almost a decade I would expect nothing less but they way she cared for me just seemed so intuitive. I just miss being taken care of, I miss her little acts of service because they meant the world to me. And now I feel terrible because my main reason for missing a friend should not be the things they did for me. I’m also thinking about the time my cousin cleaned my room when I was going through one of my worst depression episodes. I’ve never felt more loved and cared for. I LOVE CARING FOR PEOPLE ABD I LOVE TALING CARE OF PEOPLE but I would just like a little break.