#like. i cant say it COULDNT be a coincidence. because it could. BUT

[0809sysblings]

sometimes i think about the fact that "Mikoto" could be split into "mi"+"koto" and how "mi" is a way to say three (which IS the reading you'd use when counting things using the universal/generic counter, つ) and "koto" is a way to say "thing", but specifically things that are not physical/concrete in nature and are more like concepts.

three things

Trikoto theory confirmed

[yellowbluemoonshine]

Toga’s Love/Quirk Theory;

‘I love Tomura-kun and Touya-kun too, but their quirks won’t come out like Jin-kun’s or Ochako-chan’s. I also tried it before this battle...and they wouldn’t come out! Even though I love him... Even though I can become someone I ‘love’... Even though Jin-kun could make them come out... ‘

Translations made in here by @pikahlua​.

Recently in chapter 382, we see Toga’s unable to become people she loves (Tomura and Dabi), despite the fact that she became Ochaco and Jin and used their quirks and i would argue that problem is not that she didnt love them enough. (This scene also remind me of the time La Brava gets depressed when her love quirk isnt powerfull enough and she questions her love, kinda parallels.)

But i dont think thats the case. Not after Shigaraki became the first person who believed in her, gave a place she belong to her and everything he did for her and not after Dabi and Toga recently connected through Jin’s death and we even get a official art of him imitating Dabi, more details in here.

I believe in you, Toga, that your love for them is geniue too.

So what’s the problem?

I think its no coincidence that the people whom she couldnt use their quirks happenned to be Shigaraki and Dabi. Suicidal brats who is full of hatred and have personal agenda in league the most, unlike Toga who wants to live, even if its her own way and she is living for love.

Toga cant fully become them because she cant understand them. She doesnt understand whats going on their head. She cant relate to their hatred and she doesnt understand their thoughts.

Compared to this;

Uraraka is Toga’s foil. She is someone who is just like Toga. This is exactly why Toga ran away to talk with her. Because they are similar. Their feelings, the way they tried to shut their feelings down because Toga did the same in the past, the good girls who repress their needs and they both want to become their crushes. This is why Toga thought if its Ochaco, then she can understand her and they could talk about love.

In Jin’s case, he is Toga’s bestie and someone she cares as big brother. They have many similarities, they both live for the connections. They both felt lonely. They both were abandonded by society and they wanted to live easier life. They saw league as home and they wanted to do their best to help people they care about.

Basically, Toga can understand their inner thoughts and relate to their inner feelings. I dont blame Toga for this really. Shigaraki and Dabi are too complicated to understand, especially if you dont know their story and inner thoughts. And they dont even talk about their past to connect with league so it makes sense why Toga cant use their quirks.

Well, you could say Toga cant become them because she doesnt want to become them? But i kinda disagree with that. There is a theory made in here by me and several people already mentioned that Toga is imitating Shigaraki and she seems to wanting to be more like him. I would even argue that when she says ‘Even though I love him... Even though I can become someone I ‘love’’, she is talking about Shigaraki.

‘I loved people’s happy faces. That’s why, for that girl, I won’t turn a blind eye to her tears.‘

Toga is a character who geniuely want to connect with people she care about but key point of love is understanding the person you love. I guess it happens to be good time to talk about love. And last panel with Uraraka and Toga is parallel with Deku’s last panel with Shigaraki, that they wont turn a blind eye to crying face, even though they are villains, they want to save them. So good luck, Toga and Ochaco.

[juni-ravenhall]

erissa introduction rewrite

this is written with the intent that players wouldnt have been told by sse that erissa is a dark rider, so we dont immediately know who she is. also it wouldnt take place at the current time in the story, this is mostly written to fit into an imaginary entire rewrite of the story. also, this is just some ideas off the top of my head, there are plenty other ways to rewrite it!

we're in jarlaheim and a cat runs past with a ball of yarn in its mouth, and this girl who's chasing it stops and asks us for help, almost crying, her yarn is gone. mc is like oh i will help you dont worry!! we race the cat on horseback (silly race with cat jumping on fences and stuff as we chase it), and get her the yarn back, but its kinda ruined now, and she sobs, telling us she's trying to finish a crochet project as a gift for her best friend, and she shouldnt have tried to play with the cat, shes angry at herself for letting the yarn get ruined, it was the last ball she had in that colour. mc is empathetic and goes like "wait! maybe i know some people that can custom dye yarn" and it leads u on a classic sso quest, talking to idk, farah, daxton, mrs holdsworth, collecting plants for dyeing, until we've made her new yarn.

as we do that, we're going around with erissa tagging along riding double on our horse - she comments "i wish i had my own horse, too! maybe i will crochet one!" and mc is like haha yeah thatd be cute :) and everyone else we meet for the quest just sees her as a sweet kid too and cheer her on for her project, farah talks about how great it is to create stuff and how happy she is to see kids doing handicrafts.

this questline finishes with erissa happy for our help, and we get a crocheted doll saddlebag pet from her as thanks, "ive made several of these, theyre my own special design, you can have one!". she also says, "this yarn we made together will be even better than what i had before, because its infused with your energy!" mc is like: um yeah sure! power of friendship :) (the item description for the crocheted saddlebag pet says something like "aww! this little yarn friend wants to come with you everywhere you go!")

later after other random quests (time matters! it shouldnt be immediately after! we have lots of other stuff to do around jorvik) we've met up with linda at her room in jarlaheim, first we talk some soul rider stuff, then we're going out to have a snack at a café, as we pass by jarlaheim's fountain, we see it has yarn art on it ("yarnbombing", aka yarn graffiti) and maybe some other objects have too, and linda is like "yeah, that stuff as been showing up lately, i admire the creativity and the skill it takes, but im not sure about doing it as graffiti. it looks nice though?"

we get to the café and as we sit down, we overhear someone at another table talking about that the yarnbombing problem is getting out of hand. their postbox was covered in crochet this morning and they couldnt get it open! "and i was looking forward to reading the latest gossip in the jorvik gazette, too!" linda and mc mostly think its funny and not a big problem. "maybe this artist will become jorvik's own famous street artist soon, and then that postbox could sell for 10k shillings!"

we might talk about some other soul rider related thing quietly at the café, but then we walk linda back to her place. as we arrive, though…. we notice that linda's front door has been yarnbombed and cant be opened without removing the yarn art. "um… maybe it is getting a little bit out of hand", linda says. there are moons and some other symbols in the crochet design, alongside crocheted eyeballs. "thats a bit weird, huh? its gotta be coincidence, but its funny there's moons on this… or could one of our druid friends be doing this? those eyeballs remind me of the scene in that episode of--" … so linda and mc take down the yarn, linda says she'll bring it inside and use it as a throw blanket if her cat doesn't get to it first, and we say bye for now.

after this, theres a few quests i havent planned out in detail, but basically, every soul rider get a crochet object thru different quests. alex' beanie gets torn during some other quest, and mc is like "hey i know a kid who can make you a new one!" - we go back and see erissa again. (maybe mc is thinking to ask her if shes doing the yarn bombing, but decides against it, since shes a sweet kid and seems so nice.) alex starts wearing erissa's beanie. erissa also tells us, "remember how i said i wanted to crochet a horse? well, i started working on it! i cant wait to show you when its done!" idk what objects lisa and anne get, yet, but for lisa it should be relatively easy to come up w something. anne is given something but maybe doesnt actually use it/keep it because it doesnt fit her style.

while doing various quests, we have those DC drone thingies spying on us and have to break them or get away from them. "how do they keep finding us?"

sometime later, we're with the soul riders investigating some GED or DC stuff in epona, it might be related to CHILL (tie in the rest of the soul riders to that plot!). we have races and stuff like, "race all the soul riders to x location" for fun during the quests. we eventually go to that toxic dump pond near crescent moon, and then into the village. as we ride over to talk to npcs, we hear "…it was one thing in the towns, but now there's a bunch of that graffiti stuff out in the mirror marshes, and its not good for the environment, the poor animals and plants can get caught in it!"

"whos doing graffiti in a swamp?" lisa asks, making a face. "hey, graffiti is the people's art, maybe it's the swamp monsters' art, too" alex says. pamela moonriver starts talking to us (shes met all of us before). "oh, im glad to see you all, there's a problem. look, my beehives were covered in yarn while i was making dinner! who did this?! i mean its nice handicraft work, but my poor bees cant live like that. maybe it would help keep them warm in the winter though?" "oh, we heard someone talking about graffiti. did they mean the yarnbombing?" we ask. "yes, its really becoming a problem, its showing up everywhere. would you mind helping me free my bees?" we help take the yarn off the beehives, pamela offers us some tea in the kitchen and we update her on some of our investigations (since shes part of CHILL) - maybe she gives us some new info to consider about what to do next about GED stuff etc.

as we leave, we hear an angry old man complaining loudly nearby. hayden is trying to rip apart a piece of crochet, failing, and just dumps it angrily in the trash instead. "you irresponsible youngsters with your stupid hobbies!!!" hes pointing a finger at us. "dont you care how this affects the eco system!!! no, you only care about your stupid 'fun'!!! pah!!! nonsense!!!" "uh… you've got the wrong person, we didnt do anything!" "well, that beanie (alex') looks exactly like all those stupid things showing up in the marshes, so i dont believe you!" (there might be more dialogue here but idc.) the soul riders already had some reason to check out the swamp, related to GED/CHILL plans/etc. its gotten dark outside but we head there anyway (or maybe have a reason to try to spot some suspicious GED activity in the dark etc). as we get there, we see big yarn "spiderwebs" on the trees in different colours, with crochet plushie flies with sad eyes - wrapped up in yarn, stuck in the web... crochet eyeballs covering rocks, a bunch of mildly creepy yarnbombing art.

i dont have super clear thoughts on what happens now exactly (i came up with all of this pretty quickly after all) but basically as they ride through the swamp, maybe nearing that one pandoria portal?, erissa finally shows up. mc and the others are first like, "oh wow, what are you doing here, kid? its you making all this!? i cant believe you did all this yarn graffiti by yourself!" erissa is like "hehe… i didnt! i had help from my… friends!!!" the little crochet dolls come out from around her and are moving on their own. everyone is shocked, "whats going on?! they're alive!" mc is holding the doll erissa gave us in our hand, as we watch it start moving, dropping it in surprise. "shes using some kind of magic… but im not getting a good feeling about this… could it be--?!" erissa goes, "my friends are so helpful, you see, they let me hear what they hear, see what they see… its important to have a network, isnt it?" (the shot has her by the yarn spiderwebs and with her dolls) "im so glad you treasured my handmade gifts! sabine always rejects my presents, she's so ungrateful." "sabine?!" alex pulls off her beanie and stares at it. "hang on… could it be, if shes with DC…??" "thats how they knew where we were! thats why those drones kept showing up!" erissa interrupts and goes, "hey mc! you know what? i promised to show you, and i finally finished it… my biggest project yet… my own horse!!!" dramatic shot of her getting on her crochet horse, etc. maybe there should be strings of yarn kind of sticking out from the horse and around erissa almost like tentacles or arms, it would feel more threatening than just a yarn horse. im too tired to think of more dialogue rn but there could be strings of multicoloured yarn starting to climb up the legs of the soul riders' horses, everyone goes, "run!!!" and then theres a challenging mini-boss race through the swamp. avoiding getting caught by erissa and her yarn creatures, the yarn spiderweb obstacles, and maybe we have an option to actually use magic, so mc and alex are trying to zap erissa's creatures as we ride.

i dont have energy rn to come up with more - the point of this rewrite was to show how you could build up meeting erissa and seeing yarn stuff in the game over time and over several quests, the way that most stories would to create intrigue and foreshadowing. lots of details could be changed, and maybe other dark riders show up after erissa brings forth her horse, maybe theres something with the pandoria portal in the marshes, etc.

[montypng]

meant to send you a message last night but my brain was scrambled and i was too busy crying so i had to wait until now. i just wanted to say thank you so much for the beautiful art you made for deep end :') your enj & r design is so perfect and i love your style! there literally are no words to express how excited i was to see it (not to mention how many times i have scrolled back to look at it again in the last twelve hours. it's not an insignificant amount). i just genuinely love every detail you included, the moments you chose.... everything about it. from the bottom of my heart, thank you for the time & energy & care you have given deep end and that you put into your beautiful art :''')

thank you so much for your words, im so so glad you liked my art!!! if it has given you even a fraction of the joy i felt reading each deep end upload, then im happy :] your tags were incredibly kind as well, i took a screenshot so i could reread them...its incredible to think my work could have elicited such a reaction but hey, i have teared up reading deep end so i guess its a favour repaid >_> lengthy reply under the cut bc it became abominably long haha

i dont want to go on too much of a rant here (i will anyways it seems) but i think one of the things that struck me the most about deep end is how obvious the love that you put into writing it is. i know you've mentioned before how much you rewrote it over and over again, and i have to say in the best way possible that i could feel that reading it. every single chapter is written with such direction and clarity of purpose, it was truly a gift to be able to read something crafted with such meticulous attention to detail. i never felt that any line, hint of characterization, or plot detail was ever put there out of coincidence. cosette being a law student, too. the entirety of cosette's character and your emphasis on her agency as a person with a life that does not revolve around her brother. and somehow you kept touching on these weird little details that personally hit me hard? somehow?? grantaire reading hamlet (my favourite shakespeare !) and his opinion abt horatio (of course he likes horatio), the plot irrelevant but wholly appreciated discussion of the ending of the thing, thnks fr th mmrs and dammit janet in quick succession during karaoke, orpheus/eurydice in chapter 17 and the franklin expedition tidbit in 14, the whole art museum part....

some of my favourite lines:

“An animal in a trap will chew off its own leg to escape. You have no idea how much of my own blood I had to swallow to get out of there.” "The meeting had gone forty minutes longer than usual because for every word Enjolras said, Grantaire had to pick the bones clean, had to suck the marrow out." and shortly thereafter, "piano-wire tension", and "Less of a weapon and more of an instrument, for once. Press the key, see how he sings." "He wants to be comforted without being known. He wants to be loved without being understood. He wants to cry on a stranger’s shoulder and never see them again, never have to know their pity." <this one had my eyes wet while i was in a lecture i won't lie

and of course, the opening lines to top all opening lines:

"Enjolras’ father is buried on a Wednesday. The placement of the funeral in the middle of the week feels purposeful. Make this loss your centerfold, his mother seems to say. Build your life around it."

also — the quotes you chose to include in your summaries of each chapter were perfect every time. kudos for that!!!

all that to say: yeah, it was probably inevitable that i would be driven to draw something for deep end (i took screenshots of certain parts to draw later while reading this fic!! i almost never do that but i couldnt help myself!!!). one of those pieces of fiction that drives you to create (and push me out of art block, apparently). thank you again for sharing your work, deep end is truly something special and i cant wait to read the epilogue❤️❤️

(and if you've read all the way to the end of this monster of a reply: yes, you thought right...! i did draw a little mouse on the cover of grantaire's book, hes reading the tale of despereaux :] reading your grantaire is what finally pushed me to make a character playlist for him....and r smoking in the last drawing even if it isnt a scene in deep end is a reference to your other fic love is in the air, i just gotta figure out a window to break out. you know, for the connoisseurs. ;])

[toastyliltoasts]

Purely A Coincidence

Part 1

< Previous | Next >

Pairing; Prince!Wilbur x GN!reader

Words; 0.9k (Incredibly short)

About; After being sent away by your mother, abruptly might I add, to a whole new kingdom; a new life, as a physician's apprentice, you run into a complete asshole.

Warning(s); Swearing, One mention of the word bruise, Reader has magic (not the cringey type, no offense, the BBC Merlin type :>), Spoiler alert; Wilbur's the asshole, not proof read :D

A/N; I really dont know what Im doing but I just got this idea to write sort of fic based off of BBC Merlin because Im over here stuffing my face full of ice cream after its ending.. So here you go..

"Come on. That's enough, my friend" you forced a polite smile to the brunette standing infront of you, who was partly confused.

You had been on a supply errand for your uncle Phil, best known as the court physician among L'manberg and the outskirts of the kingdom when you saw a group of people picking on who seemed to be a commoner and, with that information, you could peice together that these 'know-it-all's were, most likely, royals. Especially the one who seemed to be the found leader of this group; an unfathomably tall, lanky-limbed brunnete who was now staring you down. And if looks could kill, you've died the moment you stepped into this kingdom.

"Im sorry, do I know you ?" he asked, eyes squinted yet a lone brow raised.. You chuckled, albeit nervously, with a shake of your head..

"Er- sorry" you offered him your name and a friendly handshake, but the way he delivered his question slightly ticked you off.

"And you're meaning to say that I dont know you ?" he asked with a condescending tone seeping through his words, crossing his arms over his chest and fully turning his figure towards you, your hand just raised there awkwardly until you retract it towards you with a sharp nod to yourself..

"Yeah" you answered, partly confirming your suspicion about him being completely pretentious.

"And yet you called me 'friend' ?" he asked with a sarcastic smile. You mirrored his expression with squinted eyes. Oh, he was definitely full of himself.

"Apologies, that was my mistake" you grinned passive aggressively, you fingertips twitching..

"Very much so" he stood with his hand on the hilt of his sheathed sword, simply resting there and not yet sending any warnings, despite being in civil clothing and not requiring a sword to complete the attire.

"Of course, I've never had a friend who could possibly be such an ass" you spit, still maintaining the 'try me, asshole' expression with a forced smile. Your fingers couldnt help but be clenched into fists, willing yourself not to stir up any trouble infront of the whole of L'manberg atleast for the sake of your uncle. Your mother just sent you here and you cant exactly go back to her after not even a week, not when she was worried about your safety there. Deep breaths, and get out.

"Nor I, one who could be so stupid" he retorted, stopping you in your tracks with just his words.

"Kindly tell me," he paused to mockingly say your name, dragging out the last syllable.

"- do you know how to beg for forgiveness ?" he smirked, amused at your boldness, yet possibly pissed off.

"No" you turned on your heel slowly, replying with the same passive aggression, sending him a levelling look. The air was thick, neither of you willing to apologize or back down.

"Would you like me to lend you a hand with that" he asked sarcastically, to which you chuckled.

"Oh I genuinely wouldnt go further down this path if I were you" you breathily replied, still catching your breath. You force your legs to take yourself away from there, just for him to stop you as the brunnete laughed. He let go of the grip on the hilt of the sword and extended it outwards, challenging..

"Or what ? You going to try something ?" he smirked, mocking you with his outstreched hands. Walk away, walk away now or you're in more trouble than just a few bruises when you get back to physician quarters.

"Come on, what is it that you said you were going to do to me ? Go on, take a shot" he taunted, his curls standing atop his nose in a more patronizing way, as you could feel all eyes on you.

"Come on now," pause.

"Come on," another pause.

"Come ooon" in a blur, you swung at his jaw with precision you didnt know you had before you found yourself, arms pinned to your back and his voice right beside your ear despite the height difference. The crowed jeered as you felt yourself spiraling down your train of thoughts. The only outcome ? You definitely getting sent back to Willowdale by your uncle.

"My felicitations, to the jail for that" you couldnt even tell if he was boasting, just that he was too goddamn loud, as if he was announcing it.

"And what-" you struggled against his grip as it only tightened..

"-do you think you are, king ?" you pushed back against his makeshift restraints. For a pretty lanky looking guy, his grip could almost hold back a herd of elephants, if need be.

"Well, not exactly. Guess we havent met, have we ? I'm Wilbur, Prince Wilbur to put it shortly" he spat through gritted teeth before kicking the back of your knee, resulting in you falling to the ground, still baffled. It certainly would've been nice to know that he was not just a royal and that he was the prince of L'manberg. Well, in short, fuck.

[pastanest]

if you’re wondering why I’m having to repost this, or why you were perhaps previously following me but no longer are, please refer to this post. I was able to retrieve this thanks to @rosieathena - thanks so much!! ♡

Spencer Reid x she/her!reader

part one can be found here

Gone - Part Two

Spencer blinked rapidly, his brain feeling life kicked back into it for the first time in two years as he storms into Hotch’s office, barging in without knocking on the door and slamming the piece of paper on his desk. Aaron’s eyes widen as he reads it.

“Where did you-“

Spencer cuts him off. “It was on my desk this morning. You know what day it is, this isnt a coincidence.”

He nods. “We can open the case back up, I’ll inform the team.” Aaron stands to his feet, but Spencer shakes his head.

“No, we cant. Last time we got involved, the unsub went dormant and has only come back 2 years on, when he knows we arent working on the case, when he thinks I’ve given up. He’s taunting me.”

Aaron‘s eyebrows furrow with concern. “What are you suggesting we do?”

Spencer begins to explain. “We have to act like nothing has happened. Im going to keep this note in an evidence bag inside my jacket, but when I walk out of this room we are going to act like we are talking about something completely different. We dont know how much this guy can see, we dont know how he operates, but by sending this letter he’s revealed one thing about himself.”

“And what is that?” Hotch questions.

“He wants to torture me. The first letter was sent to (Y/N)-“ His throat dries up just saying your name, he clears his throat with a cough and continues. “-because he knew that would get my attention, the rest of the letters were then sent to me because he knew I was gripping onto his every word. He wants me to be the only one thinking about this case, he wants to torment me while thinking Im getting no help from any of you. Our best shot at getting more information is to continue to act like nothing has changed, then he might send further clues.” Spencer explains.

Hotch nods. “I understand. This case is completely under your control, I’ll leave it up to you whether you decide to tell the rest of the team about this.”

“Thank you, I’ll tell them as discretely as I can.” Spencer turns to leave, but Aaron has more to say.

“As much as this unsub wants you to feel like this is hopeless, it isnt, Reid. This is a really good sign.”

And for the first time in two years, Spencer cracks a smile. “I know.”

Over the course of the next week, Spencer found ways to inform the team of what was going on. He managed to bring you up in conversation in a way that only one person would recognise. Spencer visited Penelope and he called her adorable, a word that (Y/N) used to describe her every time she saw her. Tears entered Garcia’s eyes and Spencer nodded at her, so she nodded back.

“Adorable, but quiet.” He clarified, and he could see the momentary confusion in her eyes before she made the connection.

“Only quiet when I have to be!” She chirped back, and Spencer knew she’d understood. Something new had happened with you, but she had to keep quiet about it.

“Does the rest of the team know how adorable you are?” He asked, already knowing the answer to his coded question.

“No..?” She said, unsure.

He nodded and smiled. “You should tell them.”

There was no way of telling what the unsub was capable of, whether he was listening or watching, but everyone had to be cautious of what they said. He could tell when the team began finding out through Garcia, because they all gave him knowing, excited smiles.

Sure enough, Spencer’s theory was correct. When he returned from the next case a week later, another note from the unsub was waiting for him on his desk.

“I’ll make sure Juliet knows you’ve given up. She’ll be with me forever.”

That told him you were still alive, he couldnt believe the unsub had willingly given such information out of sheer desperation for Spencer to pay attention to him and give him a reaction. He wanted Spencer to react so that he could go dormant again and torture him further, so Spencer had to act like he wasnt at all excited. He went to Hotch’s office again and showed him the note.

“She’s alive!”

Aaron hugged him and the two man laughed together. The situation was funny in the sense that they were successfully tricking the unsub into giving them more information, but the laugh wasnt one of humour, it was one of relief. Obviously, everyone had hoped that you were alive, but knowing for certain that you were was the best news Spencer could have possibly gotten.

He went to visit Garcia in her office again straight after.

“Guess what else you are Penelope.” Spencer said, accidentally startling her.

“What?” She asked eagerly, knowing he was going to give her another coded message that gave an update on you.

“Adorable...and alive.”

Penelope gasped, standing from her seat and running over to Spencer, who hugged her and hid his beaming smile in her shoulder.

“Thank you.” She replied, acting as though him calling her alive was a compliment, in case anyone was listening.

“I’ll make sure everyone knows.” She whispered to him, too quiet for anything else to pick up what she’d said.

When Spencer came out of the bathroom that day, Derek approached him and pulled him into a headlock that anyone else would have viewed as him messing around with him, but there was so much more meaning behind it. It made Spencer laugh, much like the interaction would have done 2 years ago. It was this hidden sense of things starting to go back to normal, hope restored.

The unsub makes a truly fatal mistake in his next delivery. This time it isnt a letter, but a gift, a small box. Spencer opens it and finds a tape inside. A tape gives a clue to the unsub’s age. Penelope manages to find a tape player for him and he takes it into one of the interrogation rooms. There is no image, it‘s only audio.

“Juuuuuliet, tell him what you want him to know.” The unsub was so desperate for attention that he made no attempt to mask his voice at all.

“You’ve given up.” Spencer chokes upon hearing your voice for the first time in two years. “Im staying here forever. I cant believe you would leave me here.” Your voice was hoarse and you were sniffling, he knows you had been crying.

That was all that was on the tape, so, where is this fatal mistake, I hear you ask? Well, Doctor Spencer Reid is very smart, but the thing is, so are you. At a few intervals in that message, you coughed, and when you did, you whispered things that would be unintelligible to anyone who didnt remember absolutely everything about your voice. And the only person in your life with the memory capacity to recall every single minute detail about your voice, happened to be the one the tape was delivered to.

Notes. That was the first thing you whispered, he knew you were referring to the post-it notes, telling him the man you’d written about seeing was the one who had taken you.

‘15m’ was the next thing you whispered. You likely wouldnt have been able to tell how many miles or metres you had travelled, and the only other value for ‘M’ that was useful in this scenario was minutes. 15 minutes away from your home, you’d counted the minutes it took for you to get to where you are now, and for two years you have held onto that.

Wear, that was the last thing you whispered in a cough, and that was the most difficult one for Spencer to figure out. It took a whole 7 seconds. Were you wearing something in particular? It cant be that. Could you have meant where? But that gives no clue. Ware! As in warehouse! That has to be it!

With no time and nothing to lose, Spencer bolts back to Hotch to fill him in on everything he’s figured out. The team meets at the round table to officially re-open the case, and Penelope starts searching for warehouses in a 15 minute distance from your home. Spencer is beyond frustrated at how quickly Penelope finds where you are, he cant believe that all this time you were held captive by someone foolish enough to only keep you 15 minutes away. But maybe that makes the unsub the opposite of a fool, because even a detail as small as the actual distance between you and Spencer is meant to torture him, knowing that you were so close by all this time is another wound to him. The team pile into separate vehicles, all heading to the same warehouse, and on the way there Spencer begins to overthink. What if you really do think he’s given up? What if you’ve given up on him? What if you dont love him anymo-

Derek nudges Spencer. “Hey, kid, I can see you doubting yourself in your own head just by the look on your face, stop it. She’s gonna have missed you just as much as you’ve missed her.”

The suddenly insecure Spencer looks to his friend for answers. “You really think so?”

Derek smiles. “I know so, she’s always been crazy about you, man.”

This reassures him, and he settles back into his seat with a deep breath, watching the streets blur by as he makes his way to you.

Thanks to the speed they were allowed to drive, the team makes it to the warehouse in under 15 minutes, and they position themselves at different entrances to the building. Derek kicks down the main door and Spencer runs in, gun aimed and ready to fire, but he falters. Because directly in front of him, little more than a few steps away, tied to a chair, is you. Spencer stumbles over to you and collapses to his knees in front of you, pulling you into his arms as you both sob into each other.

“Spencer, Spencer oh my god you’re here, I’ve missed you so much!” You cry, and he’s quick to untie you so that he can hold you again.

“I never stopped looking (Y/N), not even for a second!” Spencer tells you, pulling away enough for you to see his face so that you know he isnt lying, but you can tell he’s not.

“I know, I know! I never stopped believing you’d come and get me.” You reassure him, smiling for the first time in two years, and despite being muddy, bloody, bruised and beaten, Spencer is absolutely certain that you have never looked more beautiful.

An ambulance is called to the scene and you’re assisted onto a stretcher, while Rossi and Derek bring a handcuffed man out of the warehouse. Spencer sees red as he strides over to the middle aged, seedy, stubbly man that held you captive.

“Ah, Spencer Reid, I was wondering when we’d finally meet. How’s my Juliet?”

Spencer is not going to let that smug tone continue to live.

“She is not yours. I’d rather you called her Juliet than her real name, because if you breathed so much as half a syllable of that I would tear you limb from limb.” Spencer seethes.

The monster leans closer. “I ruined her.”

Spencer laughs darkly. “Do you really think that the woman Im in love with would let herself be ruined by some middle-aged, poor-excuse-for-both-a-Romeo-impersonator-and-a-killer, pervert? You underestimated her, and you underestimated me. We won.”

The kidnapper rolls his eyes, but Spencer can tell he’s taken aback. “I wont get much time for this, and once Im out, you’ll rue the day you insulted me!”

“Tell that to the pictures of little girls and boys we found under your bed upstairs! Along with letters about tax evasion, fraud accusations, the list goes on.” JJ calls as she makes her way out of the warehouse with a stack of papers in her hands.

Spencer takes a step closer to the man, towering over him and speaking in a low voice with wrath unmatched. “I dont know what your name is, and frankly, I dont care. You are going to prison for a long time, I will make sure of that. And once you’re in prison, I will find out which one, and I will personally deliver the message to every single one of your inmates that you are a pathetic pedophile low life who thought he could challenge me.”

Spencer turns away from him and starts walking towards the ambulance, but the idiot speaks up again and stops him dead in his tracks.

“She’ll be mine again, Agent Reid, and that’s a promise!”

Spencer is back in front of him in an instant. “I’ll also make sure to inform your inmates that Im the one who broke your nose.”

The scum frowns in confusion. “What?”

And just like that, Spencer’s swift right hook pummels the man’s nose.

“It’s Doctor Reid.” He tells him, voice low.

“For the record, we’ll say that happened when we arrested him.” Rossi says, and Derek nods.

Finally, Spencer runs back to you, sitting at your side in the ambulance as you lie on the stretcher. You smile at the sight of him.

“Hey love.” You greet him

“Hi sweetheart, sorry Im late, I had to break someone’s nose.” Spencer replies, his voice far softer than it had been a few seconds ago.

You chuckle and take ahold of his hand. “Of course you did.”

Spencer’s hands wrap around yours and bring it to his lips so that he can kiss each of your knuckles, so softly you barely feel it, but you do. Placing your hand against his clothed chest, you raise an eyebrow.

“Did you start wearing necklaces while I’ve been gone?”

Spencer’s eyes widen as he realises what you’re referring to. “N-No!”

Your curious expression intensifies as you reach around his neck to tug the chain out from under his shirt. “Then what’s-oh my goodness, Spencer...what’s this?”

In your hand is the engagement ring that Spencer planned to give you, and has been wearing every single day since you were taken.

“I-I was planning to ask before, but then everything got in the way and I was going to ask once I came back from that case, and then you were gone so I kept it because I didnt know what else to do with it and it felt like part of you was with me even though you’d never even seen it let alone worn it but I dont think this is the right moment to ask so maybe if we just-“

“Yes.” You cut him off.

Spencer feels all words escape him, and all he can manage in response is a stuttered, “Wh-Wha?”

You giggle. “Yes, I’ll marry you, Spence.”

Attempting to lean up on your arms to reach him, you hiss and fall back down in pain, but Spencer catches you before you hit the stretcher and lowers himself to capture your lips with his.

You passed out from exhaustion a few moments later, and Spencer sat beside you holding your hand as you slept. She wants to marry me, the words repeat themselves in his head like a mantra, and he finds himself utterly dumbfounded. How he managed to woo a heart as beautiful as yours, he doesnt know. He beamed all the way to the hospital but naturally, the moment you woke up, Spencer was sure he’d misheard you.

“Are you positive you said you would marry me?”

“Yes, Spence.”

“Do you actually want to marry me?”

“Yes, Spence.”

“Are you completely and utterly 100% sure about that?”

“Spence.”

“Yes?”

“Yes.”

[j3st3r-13]

jimmy and michael parallels

so i was watching the reuniting the family mission and the conversation between jimmy and m is fucking insane because they completely parallels one another. 

these ate some quotes 

“im a fat shit that you ruined!” this is said by jimmy however it works in michaels perspective too, you could argue that his family “ruined“ the old Michael. they also both clearly have low self-esteem issues.

 “your just a lame and angry psycho sometimes,” jimmy says to Michael but jimmy could be considered an angry psycho. when gaming jimmy trolls and torments others on the game to such extreme lengths that someone actually kidnaps and tries to kill him over it. and it’s pretty well known that jimmy is lame and I think tracey calls him lame multiple times. im pretty sure that her main insult to him which is far too much of a coincidence.

“I get so mad and I can’t control things.” jimmy talking about himself but this quote alone sums up Mikey’s character perfectly. although jimmy talking about the helplessness he feels in his own life probably due to his unique upbringing and his clear low self-esteem, it is far too much of a coincidence that this quote can also be about Michael and how his anger and his inability to keep in control is what sets the game into motion. he pulls down madrazos house in a blind rage which means the vangelico job and Trevor coming back. and back in Yankton he couldnt control Trevor and brad, which leads to the actual game. this quote is followed by “shit just falls on top of me.” jimmy talking about how he’s struggling to navigate his parent’s rough marriage and finding his place in the world but in therapy, michael complains that it’s all getting on top of him and he’s lost on what to do.

“I wanna say I love you and hug it out but all that wimpy shit is just...... lame” the ellipsis is where jimmy goes on about his gay friends which ill will mention in a minute but anyway. Jim has probanly picked up struggling to open up from his parents, im willing to bet money on Amanda and michael haven’t said I love you and mean it since north Yankton, which is proven to hurt kids. Michael himself also struggles to tell his family how much they mean to him when i play I thought that Amanda thinks that Michael doesnt love them, he does but just cant express it all that well. also michaels family never like hug or anything, with franklin m gives him fistbumps which he doesnt with his family the most that they’re touching one another is the occasional bump into one another. 

“I would say gay but that’s not cool anymore.” jimmy talking about his gay friends rn but if you watch the actual cutscene look at Michaels face he looks angry and a little scared. looks like denial to me. as someone who was part of the LGBTQ community i can see the gay denial ive experienced it myself. and rockstars aren’t complete idiots they knew what we would think about M and T. they hint at it themselves and the fact that jimmy talks to him about being gay?? too much of a coincidence for me. it also speaks volumes about how repressed and in the closet Mikey is, he gets angry/ scared when his family talks about being gay. I wanna shake mike until it clicks that he’s fucking gay. 

“im so upset that we can’t even see each other,” jimmy says this to mike but we know for a fact that Michael is heartbroken when Amanda and the kids move out. paralleling each other again!!

“your just a drunk lame dad.” “you know what, that’s the nicest thing anyone ever said to me.” how often is jimmy insulted in the game, not only in missions but you overhear it all the time. so swap whos speaking to who and it still makes sense. jimmy is prolly so staved from regongition from his father, look how much jimmy copies him and his ideals/ thoughts. to me? seems like he’s trying to mirror him so mike starts treating him like a son (this one kinda got away from me tbh)

then jimmy ruins the mood and asks for a car. amazing. 

I love this game so much because all of it has much-hidden meaning and it’s so fun to analyze. im not saying I like jim, in fact, i hate him cause he is so annoying but,. It shows how much effect michael's behaviour and words affect the rest of the family. im so glad that they went to family therapy. sorry that this is so long but i just had to give my thoughts on this, we analyze amanda and michaels relationship but never anything with the kids. idk really but yeah

[oflgtfol]

so for context me and this guy went to the same college for undergrad together. we were in the astronomy club together. we didnt start talking until the last like two years of my time there? because my first two years were spent with me being a reclusive freak who couldnt make friends or speak to anyone, and then online meetings because of covid. it was just casual like oh hi we are in the same club together to then like him being one of the people i gravitated towards for small talk because i didnt know anyone wlse in the club but he was really outgoing and became a board member so it was still like. We’re friendly and will chat but we arent friends yknow!

he wound up graduating before me by like a year but he met up with us for an astro club trip during the fall semester of my senior year. he had mentioned he worked at [redacted place] and so i was like 👉👈 how do u get a job there. and he gave me his boss’s email and then lo and behold when i graduated i emailed him and got the job as well

Now additional context this guy is like, 30? i think somewhere around there. and so by now he’s worked here for years enough to where he actually has a full time job elsewhere and only comes in here once a week

and so yknow once i got hired i didnt work a shift with him till like months after i started so then it was like oh im working X shift i’ll finally get to catch up with him lol!! but nowadays im working much more consistent and nearly full time hours here so i overlap with him at least once a month and so i’d say after actually working with him like we’re real friends now not just friendly hi there clubmates lulz

so then last weekend, the day before i overlapped a shift wirh him, i was alone in the building and panicking cuz i needed something so i was in the company slack like Hi everyone. Do you know where this important object is. and this guy was the first one to respond and was the only one whose response was actually helpful. so then when i worked with him rhe following day he asked how that went and i was filling him in and he was like, wait how do i not have your number? cuz u could just text me instead of feeling embarrassed for going into the whole company slack asking for help. so yknow like we’re friends AND coworkers now so its like whatevers yeah lol lets swap numbers who cares

but im so used to like, when swapping numbers w coworkers, to pretty much only talk about work stuff until we get more comfy talking outside work, and then occassionally move into brief casual conversations. so imagine my surprise when he just comes right out the bat swinging w the casual conversations. and its like yeah ok like we have years long history prior to working together as coworkers but its also like, i feel like we only actually became legit friends after working together??? so like idk there is still the coworkerly aspect to it that i cant shake

And so i start my joking along bc yeah whayever im not gonna make it weird but then like. i am an atrocious texter. i can and will take days to respond if not entire weeks. but yknow i have to work with this guy so i dont wanna leave him hanging and make things weird so after like 2-3 days i make sure to respond but then still leave things sparse, mostly because i was busy as fuck this week

so today he texts me while im on my break. the daily break schedules are posted publicly basically for anyone in our department to see regardless of if theyre actively working at the momsnt. so he texts me maybe 5 mins into my break and im like oh man is this a coincidence or not. and his text was like “why dont you stay late today so we can work a full shift together. no reason. just to hang out haha” LIKE HUH?? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???? and thats what prompted me to make that hmmmm post earlier today. like its not weird enough for my hackles to rise but its also like. Im baffled? im gobsmacked?

so im like man he can see im on my break i have no excuse to not text to finally i respond again and im like lol sorry i cant im so tired ive been working a lot this week (A. ive been looking forward to finishing malevolent s4 tonight all week long and i cannot do that if im working a surprise 14 hour shift. B. i am genuinely so tired and i really just need a nice night in. it was indeed a long week and C. it is a casual hint that like hi im not like purposefully ignoring you i just suck at texting because im so incredibly busy all the time)

AND HIS RESPONSE IS “AWW YEAH YOU WORK A LOT 🥺” LIKE. HUH ?!?! HUH ⁉️⁉️ Im even MORE baffled, even MORE gobsmacked than i was before. why are you a 30 year old man using 🥺 ????? and he says “no worries, our shifts still overlap so i’ll see you tonight” LIKE YEAH I KNOW ALREADY. I ACTUALLY LOOK AT THE SCHEDULE (he also has famously announced he never looks at the schedule because he always works the same singular shift every week - why is he looking at the schedule suddenly ????) HUH? HUH??? HUH?

like i really feel like im overthinking this and he’s just being friendly and potentially we have different ideas of what exactly our friendship entails and so i do not want to be like hey hi yeah we were classmates and all and you were one of the few friendly faces to me back when i was struggling to make any friends at all, and i do not want to insult those years by implying that like we arent actually friends enough to joke around and tex outside work related stuff, but also like. I am someone who requires either a decade of talking to someone daily, or like a trauma filled blood pact, to become actual friends with. so like yeah i would in fact call our friendliness in college something akin to friends but theres a difference between friends and Friends(TM) yknow? so im just left feeling absolutely fucking baffled by all this. Im baffled. bewildered even

[ithisatanytime]

Charli XCX & Troye Sivan - 1999 [Official Video]

 im gonna try to give a couple more examples to clear up and hopefully summarize my point on mass shootings but well see how it goes

 first scenario, imagine the united states racial demographics were more like 99 percent jewish and one percent white, so basically an inversion of the racial demographics prior to unchecked immigration from mexico and ignoring blacks for simplicities sake. this may come as a shock to you, but i dont really feel personal predjudice against your average jew, and in fact i get along better and identify with them a little easier because im nuerotic and intellectual and a film buff etc. however if in that scenario i was the only white man in a school comprised entirely of jews and i either didnt realize i was jewish or didnt understand the extant of the difference between our two peoples, i might be tempted to do a mass shooting! why dont i have any friends? why am i so different? why are these guys such massive fucking perverts i mean i get horny too but im not gonna straight up grab some chicks ass on the back of the bus and make her cry just because shes there and i might get away with it! and likewise my jewish peers might wonder why im so prone to violent confrontation, why i care so little about money or academic accolades etc. now if i were say a chinese foriegn nationals son named ping attending this school, many of those same challenges would be remain but the source of the discomfort would be obvious to all and wed work a little harder to bridge the gap, when the difference between two peoples SEEMS either nonexistant or subtle but is in fact a wide gulf, and the reason isnt clear, you start running into serious issues. in that scenario im the same man i am now, and over all, im proud of the choices ive made, not all but on the whole im glad for the man i ended up being, but in that scenario i would be convinced that there was something DEEPLY DEEPLY wrong with me, after all its not allll the other students who are wrong and IM right, but then what? what human could just decide that happiness was never for them, comfort was never for them, and the literal torture they are subjected to by their peers are their own fault and they deserve it? no one will do this, no one does this. in this scenario suicide is the OBVIOUS answer, but if you have your heart set on dying you have nothing really to lose, so why not take out your tormenters who are alien to you to the degree that you cant even see them as human and they feel much the same way about you.

 the other scenario hopefully will be brief and parts of it arent gonna make a lot of sense, but if you get it you will much better understand the underlying point.

 pretend its the vietnam war still, white europeans are killing south east asians, and sure there were some vietnamese and blacks fighting on the americans side and some whites on the other, but almost every war is fought along ethnic lines and this is not a coincidence but the true purpose of war, it is the survival of the fittest competition when applied to highly social animals like us. imagine in this scenario the united states somehow transported american teenagers into vietnamese schools, but outwardly they looked vietnamese and had artificial vietnamese memories implanted to better fit it (LOOK I TOLD YOU IT WAS A SLOPPY METAPHOR JUST BEAR WITH ME) suppose one of these american sleeper cells just couldnt fit in with their peers, even though outwardly they were vietnamese inwardly they werent and they felt no kinship with these south east asian people beyond the most base layer of politeness. in his isolation, and inability to understand anyone around him, he snaps and shoots up his vietnamese school... mission accomplished?

 i know thats confusing as hell, but what im getting at is these jew mass shooters arent doing anything that warriors havent done to neighboring tribes since the beginning of time, the difference is we had the genius idea of jumbling all these peoples up within the same border, under the same roof, almost like sharing a bed with a complete stranger. the conflict that arises is not just inevitable but benificial for the survival of the species, it IS the competition and it wont be put off for you or oprah winfrey or anyone, these are our instincts. people like klebold and harris, the tranny shooter recently, uncle ted the unabomber, even if they arent consciously aware that they are living basically alone amongst a potentially hostile foreign tribe, they know it on an intuitive level because it is instinct, and would do war from within our own borders against us.

[glaivegirl]

that's her hand, my bunny ears

id never have been able to break free and begin seeing myself as a girl and as wanting that, wanting to be such a feminine beast

id never have been able to explore being trans without her

maybe not never, but she's why i got there sooner, she's why i could see myself in those early days, she's who had my back

she saw me being a woman, or whatever i am, as good and happy and beautiful. she was who made me really see it as something that could be good instead of something awful and a nuclear-level wrong.

she's why transness and me being a transfem, she's why i could see it without only focusing on the shame and the humiliation that comes with knowing how people react to trans people, and how people react to some lumpy, awkward fat dude saying he wants to be a girl

but she was there, and she loved me and how i wore dresses and makeup and how i still held some womanly way about me when i was in jeans and a hardhat or a green apron, trying to act like a normal masculine guy even at starbucks

she was all that let me stop being afraid juuuust enough to see myself, and i know i dont owe all my life to her

but i when i think if she wasnt there and i think of struggling with that any more than i already was, any longer than i already was; it sounds fucking horrific

and it sounds horrific because it was, and being in the closet is torture and agony and suffering; but being too scared or ashamed or guilty to see yourself? to see only a closet when you look at yourself?

fuck that was hell. even if everything just gets worse and even if id have had some cushy $40k/yr salarycock job rn, if i wouldnt be able to see myself, to really see her, that sounds like a hell i just couldnt handle. And i know, i handled it and it was worse than anything. And it broke me worse and worse every year

I cant imagine the hell i was in going on longer than it did, i cant imagine how much it would suck to live like that, the whole thing just getting worse

maybe its not like that for everyone, but i was breaking, all of me was just breaking, and i cant imagine my life if she wasnt there to help me slow down the breaking, i cant imagine how much life wouldve sucked so much worse if she wasnt there with me, noticing the things i was noticing, noticing other things i didnt see, trying to see the things i saw and she didnt and loving it, feeling the joy of it, excited to see whatever it was pop out suddenly like a rodent blending into some dirt and wood and then you see a cute animal out of nowhere, it was kinda like that

she really helped me see myself, i owe her my life for that, and her love was true and she knew me, all of me, and she was always ready to accept it and love it and grow with it

she was why it eventually felt okay to be trans and to be myself and live instead of something else that isnt quite death

she ended that hell early, she said it was okay for me to be girly

she made me believe it was okay for me to be womanly and a girl and it was a miracle that she pulled that off

she was an angel

she remains a miracle

ill always miss you more than i can fucking stand

ill never stop

ill never stop missing you, kat

i owe my freedom to you, i owe you my life

funny, ha-ha, stupid irony or coincidence always sucks so bad when it wraps around you

but its true

you saved my life, kat

you made me feel safe

[143zi]

letter i made for him

Sincerely, i will tell you everything.

Questioned myself a lot these days whether is this feeling love or things like that? because i dont really understand what love actually is. Scared about everything yet still taking the risk since i got nothing to lose. They said, if you love them you gotta tell them. And i agree! since we’re all only live once so with all the bravery left we gotta do everything we want in order to living a no regret life.

Might sounds so silly BUT I REALLY CANT get rid you off of my head no matter how hard i tried (and i actually dont try). The very first moment i saw you from the photos you had in your profile i was feeling you, like.. i was thinking “oh, i got that good vibes from him” and turned out we’re a match. Come to think about it, this is so funny.

Disclaimer : before going any further, i think i should tell you that im a blunt person so im gonna say anything i wanted to. Especially, to the people i adore the most! I always want to tell them how precious they’re for me.

And you’re just too good to be true. The man of my dream, my granted wish. Your existence mean a lot for me, and thanks to you, my dreams come true. Im actually a real hopeless-romantic (AND SO HELPLESS) yet still dreaming of the day where i can meet the love of my life, the one that got me brave to take all the risk whatever it takes. I mean, as long as it’s with you, there’s nothing to lose. It’s been a very long time since i got this much butterflies. The thrill was all fun and i couldnt be more thankful. Sometimes, i could find ways to love me by loving the other first. And i think… it is what it is.

This is so interesting because your every text could add my lifespan. I love it when we were talking about musics and sharing each others meme. I still remember the first time i matched with u was one of my lowest point and thanks to you i got giggled after crying for days. Im being honest when i told u i was the happiest when i got ur text (real). You could ask that one friend of mine whom i always told about u, how i was always keyboard smashing everytime i got a notification from u (THIS IS SO SILLY OF ME).

I considerate to confess all of these in order to set myself free. I love hard and getting move on as soon as possible, and by confessing, sure it will helps me a lot. Anyways, maybe i shouldnt call it as love? Because perhaps i was just actually getting attached (a lil bit too much). And i do not expecting anything from this. Anyway, unrequited loves are always the mesmerized one for me, at least. Im glad if you’re still wanna be friends with me after i send u this, but only if u feel uncomfy its ok to make a distance and… goodbye! see u when i see u!

Im hoping every good things to happen for you, in the future. Such as, you’re gonna be graduated in 2023, have a decent job you’d like to do, and get healed from anything that broke you in the past. I hope the tattoo in your hand would last long so you dont need to recreate it way too frequently. Jill, your babygirl! I hope she wont get any sick, eating much, and always cheering you up by your side. Please pay attention to yourself and eat well soo you wont get sick anymore.

Nothing happened in this world just to be a mere coincidence, hence everything happens for a reason. Even if the two of us never passing by each other in rl and only meeting here, virtually but i guarantee all i was just saying and feeling was true. And so do us.

Lastttttt, im so glad to meet you bayuu and wishing you more good days ahead, xoxo!

p.s : do not tell anyone about this im so shy (the last thing i would like to ask) and do not make fun of this (i know that u wont but still i couldnt help my paranoia) (╥﹏╥) i know what i was just saying up there kindaaa cringe but just let it be (IM SORRY) ^•ﻌ•^ฅ♡

[keepthesethoughtsinsideyou]

2/25/2023

So this is probably an awful idea. But when you were getting married and then having your honeymoon, i wrote letters to you. that i didnt send to you. i think i only had 3 or 4 days worth of them. But I have no clue when i will ever speak to you again. And like, speak speak. Not some short text. I'm very torn on everything. my heart, is shattered. truly. But you know. At least I have to think you know. Maybe you have like, been able to trick yourself into thinking i never cared. or idk. i just dont know Courtney. I am sorry that i felt this was planned. you did admit it was, after comparing me to Chad first of course. But planned in that, yo. i cant take this. its fair and justified. Maybe the Chad comparison was fair too. idfk. It also makes me hate myself more than I ever thought I could. i have been crying so much today that i have no concept of time. I am glad that at least you have had a wonderful Saturday. Out of town with a friend. Seeing a hopefully enjoyable movie. I was left to morn my dead Dad and now the most important relationship ive ever had. idk if youll ever read or see any of these. And christ i dont want to come off bitter or angry. or anything. I know that i hurt you already. fuck. i hurt you so much that you were like, peace dude. im just, shocked? i dont get how we are video chatting and opening gifts and i bought a hotel for us. To meet up in a crazy thing where I had no plan as to HOW things were gonna work. But my love and need to see you bypassed any real worries. It's crazy how this relationship brought that out of me. I think looking back at things, I was still a bit of a stick in the mud comparably. But you definitely brought something out of me that was crazy and off the cuff. I liked it. I wish i could save things. I wish this was like that early time when you broke things off and then like 2 days later came back and said you couldnt be without me. I'm not religious but I am hoping there are some sort of synchronicities or coincidences that send you back to me. I didnt expect you to not break up with me just because it was my dead father''s birthday. That would be manipulative. You broke up with me just the other day and I cant even tell you WHY. I remember alot of you telling me how YOU had negatively effected my life. And i deserved better and whatever. But i just wanted you. I told my mom that I have never loved someone like i loved you, and I never will again. I didnt know I was capable of love like this. I wont ever find it again. This message sucks cause its all over the place and im not making much sense or keeping a consistent tone. the barbed comments I would make. Back handed shit. god, they are all i can fucking think about. I cant imagine how differently things wouldve been if you hadnt immediately started having sex with new people. my brain just cant Courtney. How can you love me, want a future with me, want children, a home. But then as soon as you are single, its not me. Its not me at all. It's someone else. It really fucked with my head. And honestly, i just think I am a square. I have never hooked up with anyone in my life. I have only had sex with people I had relationships with. And the concept of sex outside of that is not only unappealing to me, but kind of grosses me out. Thats for me. I get people are into their own things and I dont judge. But being faced by someone who can say all this lovey dovey bs to me, and go fuck another man. And theres no connection? its just sex? whats the big deal? well, thats where my brain goes insane. I've never felt good enough or worthy of you. And for you to immediately shack up with someone NOT me while saying different things to me, it really fed into that insecurity. But thats me right? its MY insecurity. So who would you be to respect or acknowledge that. You are a young single woman who can finally go out and experiment and find yourself. Neither me or anyone else should stand in your way of that. But god dammit did it break my heart. And your ability to seemingly never think of me and my feelings just solidified mentally that i was not good enough. i was not worthy. and maybe worst of all, I was not your first choice. i lashed out with my words. my tone. things i said. how i said that. ugh. i wish...i wish i couldve just been your supportive friend. YASSS QUEEN! GO EAT SOME PUSSY! there are moments when i can be cool. But the uncool version of me surfaced his ugly head far more often as more of your experimentation took off. It just blows because, this only got bad once this started. Prior to that, i feel like things were wonderful. But i am probably sugarcoating things post mortem. i regret ever telling you i had bipolar disorder. i regret ever telling you about my anxiety disorder. Because in breaking up with me, they were both brought up. Negative is negative though. Just sucks feeling like you arent good enough from the get go and then being made to feel like you are broken and needing fixing. I dont know alot of people who would be okay with the love of their life fucking other people. Especially when that same person has told you they want you over anyone. But then when you try to plan a future together, those conversations go nowhere. So idk. Too much too soon I guess. I know that no matter what negative things i may think of the situation, I know I am at fault. I couldnt handle the pressure of being with a poly person. And I especially couldnt handle it when it seemed like the plans to experiment and have sex with other people superseded our plans that we talked about of a future together. But as i said, I know i am wrong. I am the villain. I think of some of the things i said to you in the days following you telling me Andi was coming there to get a hotel so you 2 could fuck. And christ. my tone. the meanness. i know i can change. i know it. maybe you'll change too? But maybe some of your negative qualities will change in your period of experimenting. who knows? all i know is each hour that passes and I cant talk to you breaks my soul. as much as I am sure you would prefer me checking my insurance to see if i could get therapy and medicated, i am afraid i am looking into seeing if it will cover me committing myself. Because I am genuinely unsure how i can go on. All i can think about is taking a bunch of Ativan and walking out into the woods and falling asleep and never waking up. Which in my present state I can realize is not good. The issue is, between the hotel i JUST bought us Thursday, and the hotel I bought us for your visit here in April, that's over $900 i charged that's non refundable. If I commit myself, I will lose my job. Outside of hotel money, i am just in debt in general too. So i feel so fucking stuck. None of this matters though. I just want you back. I don't care about money. I don't care about who else you have sex with. i just want my angel back. i can and will change. And I am TERRIFIED because per you,  you are a serial monogamous relationship person. I want to change so you will love me again. I want to change so you can feel comfortable with your heart with me. But what if it takes to long? And you're already on to the next one? idfk. But my soul is crushed and i feel like giving up. I'm back to where I was before we met. The difference is now i have the pain and grief of losing my cosmic lover. My partner the universe brought into my life. How does one cope with such a loss? How does one live knowing they lost a love that was unlike anything they've ever experienced. I don't know. i do not want to live a life without you in it. 

[regularbeans]

someone who's good at the Law help me understand this.

so im watching some true crime stuff and ive seen crime shows etc so theres this concept that you can take a "plea deal" where you give up some information, or confess to certain things so you get a lesser sentence, right.

how is that in any way a.... thing to do....? x)

like... lets say i didnt do something but i was framed or by some fucked coincidence im being charged with something and i cant prove my innocence. but if i dont confess then ill get the death penalty. so then you can have me confess to the crime so i only get a life sentence... but then you dont have the actual perpetrator? x)

like why give someone a deal so they could lie... in order to get a lesser punishment. like that just sounds so counterproductive. like are prosecutors okay with not having the actual criminal, or not punish someone for the exact crime they commited?

also couldnt prosecutors just... lie...?

like theres this lady who murdered a little girl and she's being convicted of second degree murder because she took a plea deal. but... she confessed to the murder x") ?????????????????

see? like this is why im like. the person being convicted could easily lie. and it just sounds like prosecutors are just saying "Just, here, we give you a lesser sentence, just confess to something you didnt do/didnt do the way we think you did so we can close this case and go home" which is. Super awful.

??? i dont get plea deals. why... do you want the partial truth. or a potential lie. ion geddit.

[frankaben]

limelight mafia

we cut people when they dont expect us to, because its the only shock we can inflict. martinelli lights another cigarette as he looks into the floating lemon pulp of his whiseky sour. "another one", he told the bartender. "long day?" "not really." martinelli looked for an ashtray. "i can't really see their faces anymore, you know" "what do you mean", asked the bartender. "the dead ones.." "why don't you just stop, can't you tell this is ruining you?" martinelli looked away as his cigarette fell on the floor. it looked like it was snowing. a small layer of ash had coated the sticky bar-floor. it still burned and he thought about picking it up and smoking it again. "it's okay, we can deal with it"

all he could see was the bloodshed he had caused. martinelli ran to get his coat and left. a smile lost miles ago had enterd his mind. the streets were cold, it really had been snowing this whole time. but who's to say martinelli was the one that caused it. a small crust of ice had formed on the puddles, not yet enough to smooth out the surface. martinelli happened to catch a glimpse of his reflection and he couldn't help but think of the myth of narcissus. a cab held its way for him and he got in.

"where to?" martinelli paniced and got out again. he thought of crying but it was the middle of the night and he was out on the streets. he was drunk. and he didn't know what to do. his wife had thrown him out of his house earlier because of the fight. martinelli knew he didnt love her but she wanted him to, so he tried. he didn't know what to believe anymore. it really was only a matter of time..

the stars and the moon were cold. it was december and his eyes couldnt really help him anymore. all the faces had become a blur to martinelli. a grey one, like static, only softer. he coulnt help but cry now, as he couln't process any of his thoughts.  

fire and water cancel

streams of two truths

martinelli didn't have a choice, he had to go home. if he slept on the streets he would freeze to detah, he thought. streetlights had turned lime, it was like he was the star of the play. all of the lights on me! all this reminded martinelli of the times he had poisoned his surroundings. by pure coincidence, one would think.

martinelli cant write a book, he cant even write stories. so why should he try. he hung up his coat again and smoked another cigarette.

//

the drugs we take turn us into that drug.

[thekingofwinterblog]

It’s all for his sake - Endeavor and the Sunk Cost Fallacy

My hero academia 301 is a pretty interesting chapter, but for me, the most notable piece of it was how Endeavour reacted to the realization that Touya couldnt surpass All Might.

upon realizing that his son might not be able to do it because of inborn physical limitations, he immediatly stopped his training, which frankly was the responsible and adult thing to do. 

This stint of real parenthood did not last long however.

After taking the matter to a doctor, he is flat out told that not only cant Touya achive what endeavor wants, but it is a direct result of his incredibly selfish and irresponsible attempt to play god, by trying to breed the “perfect” hero into being.

It is how you react when you lose however, that shows who you really are, and endeavor illustrates that very, very well.

Upon being told in no uncertain terms that his attempts at Breeding an heir failed magnificently, producing a child that was not capable of resisting his own immense power, but also admonished by his doctor for even attempting it, and adviced not to try again, Endeavor instead doubled down, while focusing on the child he screwed over from the start with his attempt at genetic manipulation.

It was all for him you see. Endeavor doesnt use those words, but that is how he spins it here. it was all for Touya, all for his sake. if i stop now, then Touya was all for nothing, a mistake, im doing this for my son.

if im doing this for my son, then im not responsible for any of this.

his wife however, calls him out on it, as she understands Touya much, much more than endeavor does. or rather, she sees him fully as a human being, instead of as a thing, a weapon, a failed attempt at an heir.

Unlike Endeavor, Rei is able to see the way this all is affecting her son. She is able to see, and understand that Touya has fully accepted what Endeavor wanted him to be. a stronger, and better version of himself. however, unlike Endeavor, she only cares about him as a person.

Endeavour by comparison isnt completely uncaring about Touya. like most abusive parents, he does possess love for his offspring, but it is forever tainted by the fact that however much he might care, or not care about Touya, any familial love he has for his son is tainted by the fact that to Endeavor, he is a failed experiment, a failed heir, not his child. 

He is the golden child that Endeavor was building up as his true and only heir, who he breed, trained, and molded to for that single purpose, and now that he’s reached a point where he cant continue that legacy.

so, its time to abandon him, and start over new, despite literarily having just learned how stupid this plan was, and that it can, in fact, go completely wrong, with a quirk that will fuck over the person he brings into the world.

Of course, Endeavor doesnt use those words to frame it. there is no way to pretend to be a hero, if you phrase it like that after all. Intead, this is the words he uses.

this is a very important series of panels for a great number of reasons, some that can be debated, argued, and we will probably never know the full truth to the questions because this is a series published in 2020′s shonen jump, and there are things that probably wasnt gonna fly with Hori’s editors, if it was the case.

but lets start with what can not be debated. Endeavor’s words here.

“If we want him to give it up, then we have no choice... Touya... Cant surpass him.”

These are very telling words, and however you believe The third and fourth children of the Todoroki family was concieved, there is not denying the meaning of what he’s saying here.

The only way that my son will stop being an idiot and fall into line, is if we have another baby. that is the only Right way to move forward. it is morally right, because if we dont do this, then he’s going to destroy himself.

there are two ways to interpret this scene.

The charitable way is to read it as the fact that he used Rei’s oldest son’s mental state as a justification of guilting his wife to have a third child, to give this attempt at a superpowered breeding project another shot, despite the fact that they now know that this can lead to a child who is essentially born crippled from his own powers, and despite the fact that Rei obviously understands the effect of them continuing this insanity will have on their oldest son.

the uncharitable way to look at it, is that he used this as justification for flat out raping her, and forcing a third, and then later a fourth child on her.

I personally believe the last one, given a number of factors shown in this chapter(the way this page is framed, the fact Rei obviously didnt want a third child, given she predicted exactly how touya would react, the way her eyes would latet turn when she looks at who is presumably touya which really brings to mind how she would later react to her youngest son’s face after her mental breakdown, etc.), but i’ll frankly admitt that withouth a direct quote from Hori, its impossible to know for sure one way or another. 

either way however, this is a very good example of Endeavor both being influenced by, and using Sunk Cost Fallacy to justify bringing another potentially crippled child into the world for his own, selfish goals.

sunk cost Fallacy, is a mental reaction to when you invest more time and resources into a project, that you becomes so emotionally invested into said project that you will continue to invest into it, even if it reaches a point that it becomes clear that the resources you put into it, far, far outweighs the potential gains you can achieve.

because if you give up after having invested years, and years of effort to breed, raise, and train a kid, and then all that effort was absolutely wasted. hence he choose to keep going, despite having learned what a terrible idea this is.

He doesnt care about the fact that his next child might be even more crippled than his firstborn, he doesnt care about his son’s actual wellbeing. he cares about the fact that if he doesnt continue this insanity, then not only will he not achieve his dreams, but everything he did to get to this point was for absolutely nothing.

and endeavor cannot accept that. and so long as he can justify breeding more children into the world, and there being any chance they might inherit both quirks perfectly, he doesnt care about anything else.

and the moment he realised that this kid wasnt gonna cut it either, he did it again. it is not a coincidence, that the age gap between Endeavor’s second, third, and fourth children were all 3-4 years apart. because thats the age where you can usually tell when a quirk will manifest or not, as established earlier in the series.

While she isnt brought up directly by Endeavor as a justification, it is very telling that Endeavor decided on having a third child, only after his second child was old enough that he could tell that that there was no chance she could take the place as his heir instead.

So, he had his third child, and as time passed and it became obvious that he wasn’t gonna be able to fulfill Endeavor’s goals either, he dumped him, and instead breed a fourth child into existence.

and finally, he struck gold. he did it. he produced Shoto.

everything was finally worth it, and now, everything would be absolutely fine. the cost fallacy had reached its end, and it was now all full sails ahead.

except of course it wasnt.

His oldest son, now in middle school, had been raised from birth to believe he would surpass his father, only to be thrown away, and getting to see his father try to replace him, not once, but twice.

frankly, this scene is probably my favorite in the chapter, because it goes to show Endeavor’s mindset. Natsuo made a point that their father completely ignored his older children. and he did... from Natsuo’s perspective. however, having a more thourough picture of things, we can clearly see that this wasnt the case with Touya.

Endeavor genuinly cared for Touya, enough that once he got that child he tried to breed into existence 4 times, he genuinly wanted him to just abandon trying to be a hero. he genuinly thinks of himself as a good dad here, wanting his son to abandon the mission he set out for him before he was born. of course, with context, this heartwarming scene is incredibly sad and insidious, because we understand why Endeavor got so attached to his oldest child. because he WAS the golden child. he was the child Endeavor genuinly cared about, and invested in, and trained personally with great warmth and enthusiasm.

And not only did he abandon him as a failed project the moment he realized he wasnt gonna live up to his ridiculous standards, but he literarily created 2 more kids to try and replace him, just as his oldest son was old enough to understand what exactly his dad was doing. over the course of this chapter, we get to see Touya’s start as a 5-8 year old, his deteriorating mental state over the years, until he finally seemed to reach the breaking point with Shoto’s birth sometime in his middle school years 12-15. 

Endeavor is in this scene, just not capable of understanding why Touya so desperately wants to become a hero, when obviously he isnt physically able to do so. he isnt able to understand that he is 100% to blame for the fact that his son is having a full emotional breakdown after literaly being replaced by his siblings. 

In other words, Endeavor genuinly think’s he’s a good person. a person who has made a few mistakes along the way sure, but a person who was always justified in the end, and now that he’s having to face the fact that as dabi would later say “The past never dies” and has to face the aftermath of his inane attempt to play god for the pettiest of reasons, things simply arent going to work out.

He isnt going to have a happy family, who can now put the awful early years behind them, he put way too much effort, caused too much suffering and sacrificed too many years of his life for this not to work out as he wants.

after all, if he walks away from this project now, and lets Shoto have a normal childhood, and decide for himself, with no pressure from him, wheter or not to become a hero, then the sunk cost fallacy will have reached a negative end. it will all have been for nothing.

and we know he did eventually double down on this mentality, literarily beating into Shoto that he WAS going to become a hero, and there was not but’s or no’s about it.

there was no way that Endeavor was EVER going to let things be for nothing. His treatment of his older children could not be for nothing. His treatment of his wife could not be for nothing. His treatment of Shoto, and the way he beat him black and blue to train him, could not be for nothing.

Because if it all was for nothing, if everything he feels guilty about was for absolutely nothing, then he was in fact, a bad, bad person, who had no justification for anything he ever did.

[zatyrlucy]

Stolas really loves blitzo??

With all these theories people were creating about Stolas Im starting to get suspicious too.

I know Stolas is not a terrible person, I mean, in comparison with other demons, he seems harmless and I like that he doesnt mistreat imps in general or treat them like slaves, on the contrary, he seems to like them...to the point of not having a problem sleeping with them.

BUT, there could be something fishy about his relationship with Blitzo. Isnt it suspicious that, of all imps, he fell in love with the only one interested in killing people?

My theory is that Stolas is much more aware of his situation than he seems. And he is only using Blitzo for not only security but also revenge.

Stolas was (or still is?) in a terrible marriage with Stella who doesn’t seem to be a good mother either. She doesn’t even appear in little octavia’s room in the second episode. So I theorize Stella only cares about being rich and enjoying the pleasures of the high life with his friends or family.

Stolas, as the Goetia demon he is, was probably thinking of a way to get him and Octavia out of this problem but couldnt do anything since he was worried about the possible consequences ...when, out of nowhere, an Imp appears in his life and wants to sleep with him. We dont know if Stolas had sex with other imps before, maybe he did, so he didnt mind one more. Unfortunately, because of Blitzo being reckless, Stella finds out about him cheating.

Stolas was worried, until he discovers the book is missing. The Imp probably took it, but why??? there is a chance of Stolas even wanting to transform Blitzo into a statue because of his audacity, but when he discovers the imp just wants to be an assassin, everything fits perfectly. Stella discovered he cheated, thats bad, but now that he has his little guardian, Stolas can do anything he wants.

Blitzo doesnt know that he is the ticket to Stolas libertinage. Blitzo doesnt know what he is getting into because Stolas is not telling him anything and is pretending that everything is just a coincidence.

Being a bodyguard in LooLooLand? that was to protect him from Stella's assassins. Inviting him to the Moon festival? was to protect him too from another mysterious assassin. And it wouldnt surprise me if he invents a new excuse to invite Blitzo and his team to another party or celebration in the new episodes. Maybe Stolas doesnt want to spend time with Blitzo like we thought, he is just using him as a living shield! He is not that dumb, he totally notices when Stella is up to something.

And at the end of both LooLooLand and the Moon Festival episodes, Stolas doesnt even ask or cares for Blitzo's and his team's wellbeing. Millie for example, is the one who has suffered the most in both situations and we dont see Stolas asking for her or even asking for Blitzo. He just invites IMP to wherever he goes and waits for everything to be solved by them.

What if he is flirtatious in public and full of lust with Blitzo just to play the part? He is a prince demon, it shouldnt be hard for him to feel lustful just because.

That would also explain why he doesnt run away with Blitzo (and Octavia). He is powerful, he is rich, so why he cant just run away or kick Stella out? Maybe he cares more about his house and title than being happy with "the love of his life"?

What I wonder is, what is Stolas planning? how long he can keep lying? Why he doesnt just tell Blitzo everything? Why he doesnt fight fire with fire and hires Blitzo to kill Stella? If she can get angelic weapons I dont see why Stolas cant either.

To end this post I just wanna say that Viv said in the last stream, that there is a plot twist that, at that time of the stream, no one had figure out. "An emotional route the characters are going to take that no one has discovered yet". And what a hell of an emotional plot twist would be if Stolas ends up not feeling anything for Blitzo.