#like. at least with the ipad I can still watch youtube videos without too much inconvenience if I just google the video

[robotsprinkles]

how did samsung release a tablet years after the ipad 2 and 4 that would be inferior in every way save the part where ipad 2s and 4s can't run youtube or twitter or [insert most websites] anymore because those sites all require browser versions which require ios versions those ipads are too old to run

(back when those sites still worked on my ipad 4 there was literally no reason to ever use those samsung tablets because the tablets took 13x the time to do anything and everything and actively worked to be more inconvenient by registering your finger being within 2cm of the screen as a touch) (I should note I'm talking about samsung tablets from at least seven years ago)

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #179

Do you eat or drink as soon as you wake up, or do you wait a while? I get water immediately, and then 30 minutes after I take my thyroid medication, I eat breakfast and may get a drink that isn't water.

Tell me about some of your interests. I love animals and learning about/interacting with them, being artistic (writing, drawing, photography, etc.), exploring nature (at least I will again once my legs are 100%), watching YouTube, various social accounts, listening to music, playing video/computer games...

What's your favourite kind of Oreo? Double stuffed ones. I actually checked what there were, and I can basically guarantee my favorite would probably be mega stuffed, but I don't thiiink I've tried those. My favorite Oreo product are the Oreo Cakesters though, I used to be FUCKING OBSESSED with them and would still snatch them up real quick if I wanted something Oreo-based.

Do you play any games on your phone? If so, tell me about one. I only play Pokemon GO, it's all I have space for. I already have to clean out my phone before trying to update the game.

Do you have more male or female coworkers? I'm unemployed.

What's the longest stretch of time you've spent completely alone? Over a month, maybe closer to two, when my mom went up to New York in her mom's twilight weeks.

Do you use Instagram? If so, what's your current profile pic? Yes. My personal one is my favorite pic of me when I had red hair.

What are your thoughts on kids being given iPads to keep them entertained? I think it's fine to a degree. I do support limiting screen time; I would never want a kid to grow up as reliant on technology as I am; I do think it's important that we humans know how to stay in the current moment with what's in front of us, and computers and the like definitely do not do that.

[TW: SUICIDE] Have you ever thought about giving up on life completely? Well, considering I tried to kill myself,

Have you seen the entire Harry Potter series? I've never seen a single full movie, and I have exactly zero intent on watching a single one because I will not in ANY sort of way support the work of a hateful, haughty as actual fuck terf, her work can rot in history for all I care.

Do you still have both of your parents? Yes technically, but my dad plays an astronomically smaller part in my life than Mom. I barely see him. I love him regardless of that, though, but I know he's not a grade-A parent.

Do you play video games? I do, but nowhere near as much as I used to, and I've found that I tend to have more fun with them when playing with others, when I used to prefer single-player stuff. Ironically, the only game I regularly play nowadays is WoW, and in THAT game, I very much prefer doing things by myself, despite it being an MMO.

Do you have the same color eyes as your mother? No, hers are brown and mine are grayish blue.

Have you ever been put to sleep for surgery? Yeah, twice.

Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? Not one that was even remotely realistic; we hadn't had full-on sex but my period was missing so I was freaking out over how foreplay stuff might make me an extremely small statistic of getting pregnant without proper sex. Safe to say, I wasn't pregnant haha.

When was the last time you went bowling? Ha, I haven't been bowling since Girt and I tried dating the first time, in like... 2017, I think that was. I'm kinda thinking maybe we should do it again, this time on our second anniversary; I think that'd be cute and fun.

Do you personally know anyone who is transgender? I know a handful of trans people.

When was the last time you spent over $100 in one transaction? What did you buy? Months ago when I got my tattoo finished.

Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? Would you judge a grown adult for doing so? No, I sleep with a real cat. I wouldn't judge someone for that at all, I did it too before I got Roman. I like hugging stuff in my sleep, nowadays I very often fall asleep kinda like hugging myself.

Would you describe yourself as fashion-conscious, or do you just wear whatever feels comfortable? I definitely wear whatever the hell I want. I'm more so conscious of how others see my body, so I never do anything more revealing than a tank top. I don't have that sort of confidence.

What are the main two colours in the room you’re currently in? Did you pick these colours out yourself? It's really just beige-ish with white doors and window outlines. We didn't pick any of the colors in this house.

Do you have piercings anywhere except your ears? How many and where? Yeah, I have a vertical labret in my bottom lip. I want way more, it's just that they're far from my priority right now.

What’s your opinion on leggings as pants? I don't give a shit, I've definitely done it. All the leggings I've seen really aren't revealing if they're appropriately sized????

Who was the last person you were in love with for more than a year? Girt, still in love with him.

Do you have a secret life? I wouldn't call it a secret "life," that makes it seem like a bigger, more important part of my general existence than it is, but I very much keep the fact I enjoy feral animal forum RPs an extremely strict secret because I feel so awkward and judged about it. Barely anyone in my real life knows; just my mom, my boyfriend, and maybe Nicole. Possibly Dad, but I'm very doubtful he remembers that. It's insane, I feel like I anticipate WAY more "omg that's weird you're weird" judgment than it would actually get, but seriously, I can't even talk in person about it to anyone, like even my own mother barely knows the details. I'll cry and feel like puking and I also get VERY snappy and like, innately defensive. My embarrassment response is so goddamn strong that it majorly affects my life, not just in this topic, even.

Have you ever seen the last person you kissed without a shirt? Yeah, that's socially acceptable for a dude anyway.

Do your parents know EVERYTHING about you? Oh definitely not.

Favorite thing to eat with peanut butter? Chocolate!

If you had to get a piercing right now, what would it be? Right nostril redone. It'd be like... the third time lmao.

The last time you held a baby: Not since my three-year-old niece was an infant.

Does your mom eat meat? Yes.

What would be your reaction if one of your parents said they were having another kid? My mom's entire reproductive system is out lol, not to mention she's way past menopause. I'd be very shocked if Dad said that; it's extremely unlikely his wife hasn't gone through menopause too, sooo I'd like to know who the hell the mom was.

What fish scares you the most? Probably stonefish, they're hard to see and extremely venomous.

How do you feel about snails? I think they're VERY cute, but I don't really wanna touch them; slimy is a texture I absolutely despise, and to this day I have a fear response to slugs because of being slimy and way less cute than snails lmao.

If you were told by a professional that you were unable to become pregnant, how would that affect you? Is there something important to you about conceiving a biological child rather than adoption? And finally, if you even want to have children, would you choose adoption or surrogacy or would you go on childless? I would honestly be very relieved lol, protection wouldn't be a big deal then but more importantly, I never have to really decide if I want to have a baby; so, I can't make the wrong choice/have no chance of fucking a kid up. I personally am very disinterested in adoption, I'd need the kid to be mine and/or my partner's to bond to it properly, I think.

Are you physically affectionate with your friends? With hugs, yes, absolutely. I don't go beyond hugging my friends though, maybe a kiss on the forehead if they're crying or something.

Do you kill spiders when you see them? No.

What’s your favorite makeup brand/brands? I know almost nothing of any, save for Jeffree Star's seeing as I like him as a person and respect his work being purely vegan/cruelty-free. He as a person has evolved more than probably any other celebrity I've seen. I've never actually used a product of his though, that is NOT money I have lmao.

What fictional creature would you like as a pet? A faerie dragon from World of Warcraft. They're the cutest goddamn things I've ever seen in fantasy, and I was ECSTATIC when they finally became tameable pets for the hunter class, esp because I regularly play the class, and of course I keep mine in my pet party always lol.

Have any local businesses closed that you’re sad about? Yeah, Highway Diner.

How do you feel about TikTok? No opinion, I've never even opened the site once.

Any current trends you dislike? Crocs. They're hideous and always will be hideous.

If you had three daughters, what would you name them? Miquella (me-kell-uh) Lynn is the one I'd really like IF Girt and I ever do have a kid, then Alessandra (not sure of middle name), then I guess probably Cheyenne, just in respect to his heritage. Or Justine, another feminine name I adore. Three kids is absolutely not happening, though; I doubt even one will, it's smarter for both of us.

Would you ever adopt a child? The one and only case I can imagine myself doing this is if I got in the very unlikely situation of marrying a person who already has a child and the other parent isn't involved. But me dating someone already with a kid is very unlikely, it's absolutely not my preference.

Do you like your name's meaning? lol no, it's literally just "of Britain," and a bitch ain't ever set foot in Britain.

Do you and your mom look like sisters? Not really; that's the case with her first child though, Katie, like to the point it's kinda scary lol. You look at pictures or literally see them together, and you KNOW immediately that they're mother and daughter; hell, you probably WOULD guess sisters if Mom was younger, the age gap is clear by now.

Are you the same height as your mom? Apparently she's like, half an inch taller than me.

Do you know anyone named Travis? I knew a Travis, but I haven't known anything about him since high school.

[TW: DOMESTIC ABUSE] Did your parents abuse you? No. My dad used to scare me as a kid, but he was never literally abusive. I think.

What is something you've learned to never take for granted? My mom being alive and an incredible parent that keeps me safe and cared for.

Tell me about something significant that happened to you in the past week. This isn't REALLY "significant," but after two fuckin years I've finally set foot in my boyfriend's room, lmao. It's always been messy and he's just never wanted me to see it, so in an incredible act of love for me he tidied it up apparently lol. I thought his room was actually pretty cozy.

What subjects do you like to read about? Meerkats and their behaviors. Rammstein history/their stories together.

What is the name of the last book you bought? Darkstalker by Tui T. Sutherland, I believe. I got all the mainline WoF books that are currently out last Christmas, but Darkstalker is like a side-story of a major character. Best book in the series so far, to me.

If you could change one thing about your home, and money was no issue, what would it be? Wood floors, probably. Our carpet is like this dirty pink color and it's honestly hideous; Mom especially hates it.

Are there any (obviously fictional) villains you can't help but love? Stiiiiill Darkiplier, please his story makes me cry. Very much like the whole else of the WoW fanbase too, I love Arthas Menethil/the Lich King, but if you know anything about the franchise, you saw that answer coming lol, it's common knowledge. Alessa Gillespie from Silent Hill can also be considered a villain, and she is Everything

Can you name a villain who you could kind of side with? ^ Alessa haha

What color eyes does your significant other (or crush) have? (If applicable.) Brown.

Does anything around your home need repairing? Yes, specifically one of the beams holding the front porch up; it's very weathered and almost looks termite-eaten, but thank god that's apparently not the cause. I can't remember what is.

[english-project12]

Technology has become an integral part of modern life, and its impact on childhood development has been debated for many years. As a child who grew up in a pre-digital age, I have observed the drastic changes technology has brought to children's lives. Children today are more dependent on screens and less reliant on face-to-face interactions, which may harm their social skills and emotional development. It was uncommon for kids to access a mobile device or tablet in my childhood. Instead, we played outside, read books, and interacted with each other in person. Technology was not a significant aspect of our lives, and we did not rely on it for entertainment or socialization. However, as I grew older, technology gradually became more prevalent in children's lives, and today's kids are growing up with screens constantly in their faces.

My parents got me an iPod touch for my birthday when I was in first grade. At the time that wasn't extremely uncommon, lots of kids my age had an iPod but that was the extent of personal devices, at least the community I grew up in. I was thrilled about my iPod, I downloaded tons of music and mobile games onto it like Plants vs Zombies. I have a lot of nostalgia and memories when it comes to that iPod, which I actually do still have kept for sentimental reasons. When I was growing up kids had iPods but they did not have iPads and nowadays I constantly see children with screens in their face always watching some sort of video. And a lot of the times their parents allow it to keep them busy and not complaining. It's an easy fix to solve a kids problems but it comes at the cost of obsession and addiction with children not being able to go out without some device. When it comes to social media, most kids in my grade didn't get it until around 7th to 8th grade, and even then, it was limited. Although we did have Youtube although out elementary school, but it wasn't on our phones or iPads it was on a home desktop computer typically. And that wasn't really considered social media at that time. So how do we as a culture and society fix this issue with not only children but also ourselves? I can't deny that I also am on my phone and screens a good amount of the day, let's acknowledge the fact that I'm complaining about people using screens too much while writing on a screen. I think people might attach themselves to something like an iPod the same way they might with their first bicycle or car. It might not have been the nicest thing in the world but it meant something to you because it represented the next chapter or step in your life. And I think a lot people would agree that that makes it culturally valued as well because at the time it was super cool and you got a lot of enjoyment out of it.

Social media and its effect on children specifically is an issue in and of itself, and it's becoming an epidemic. Teens can get caught up in the number of likes, comments, and followers they have, making them feel good or bad about themselves. But it mostly makes them feel bad about themsleves. This can lead to cyberbullying or feeling like they don't fit in with their friends. It's also tough to tear kids away from their screens once they get into social media and video games. This can make it hard for them to focus on schoolwork and other activities requiring concentration, hurting their grades. The downside of technology is that it can also make kids less interested in hanging out with their friends and experiencing the real world. They may miss out on some cool experiences because they're too busy staring at screens. It personally bothers me a lot because some of my best memories as a kid was golfing with my friends, hiking, going swimming in the creek or lake, and I just see youth doing those things as much anymore. If I do see them, they are almost always on their phone recording it. One of the biggest things I've noticed this issue at is concerts. I used to go to concerts and just listen and experience the music nowadays, we just record the whole thing on our phones. I can't claim I dont do that occasionally, but its sad to see, and I try to avoid doing that.. Also, they may miss out on valuable opportunities to learn how to communicate and build relationships with their peers, which could lead to social awkwardness and difficulty forming close friendships. According to The Impact Of Screen Media On Children: A Eurovision For Parliament "Over the last twenty years social interaction (eye-to-eye contact) has gone down while eye-to-screen-contact has gone up. Just before the year 2000 life became literally virtual: people would spend more time in front of a screen than spending time interacting with other human beings." (Source) While technology has undoubtedly brought many benefits to our lives, it is essential to recognize its potential negative impacts on children's development. Parents and educators must work together to balance technology and real-world experiences, ensuring children develop social skills and emotional intelligence alongside their technological abilities. We must refrain from allowing the convenience of screens to come at the cost of human interaction and emotional development.

We need to continue to familiarize ourselves about the potential risks and benefits screens can possibly have on children. Screens, such as TVs, tablets, smartphones, and computers, have become an integral part of children's lives in today's society.  According to the American Academy of Pediatrics (source) "Children aged 2 to 5 years should have no more than one hour of screen time per day". In comparison, children aged six years and above should have consistent limits on the amount of time spent using media. However, these guidelines often need to be followed, and there is growing concerned about the effects screens may have on children's development. This blog series aims to explore the impact of screens on children's growth from a balanced and evidence-based perspective and provide practical strategies and recommendations for promoting healthy development in children. Some Potential Benefits and Risks of Screen Time for Children's Development are that screen time can positively and negatively affect children's development. On the positive side, screens can provide educational opportunities, such as access to online resources, interactive learning games, and virtual field trips. Screens can also facilitate social connections and communication with friends and family far away.

However, excessive screen time can harm children's physical, cognitive, and socio-emotional development. For instance, excessive screen time has been linked to obesity, and according to a study "A majority (90%) of the studies included in a systematic review of research on screen time in children and teenagers found adverse associations between screen time and sleep health – primarily because of later bedtimes and less time spent sleeping" (Source). As well as eye strain, and posture problems. Additionally, excessive screen time can interfere with children's cognitive development by reducing their attention span, inhibiting their ability to focus, and reducing their ability to learn from real-life experiences. Furthermore, excessive screen time can lead to socio-emotional problems such as decreased empathy, reduced social skills, and increased aggression.

Spending too much time in front of screens can have poor effects on their overall well-being. For example, it can put them at risk for health problems like obesity. Plus, staring at screens for too long can cause eye strain, headaches, and pain in the neck and shoulders. Spending more than a couple of hours a day on screens can also mess with our sleep patterns, which can be detrimental to our physical health. Regarding cognitive development, too much screen time can make it harder for kids to focus and learn from real-life experiencesAdditionally, excessive screen time has been linked to poorer academic performance, including lower grades and test scores and according to a study "The key finding from the systematic review was that in most of the papers reviewed, as time spent watching television increased, academic performance suffered." (Source) Socio-Emotional Development: Excessive screen time can lead to socio-emotional problems such as decreased empathy, reduced social skills, and increased aggression. Children who spend more time on screens are more likely to experience social isolation, which can adversely affect their mental health.

Before we start to point fingers at each other let's first realize we all have a part in this issue. Beginning to recognize the problem and take responsibility for our actions is a good first step in bettering ourselves. Addiction to screens can lead to a lack of productivity, poor sleep, eye strain, and even depression. Acknowledging the issue and its consequences is the first step in overcoming it. We can begin to self-improve ourselves and leave a good example for the next generation by taking concrete steps to limit our screen time. One way to do this is to set a time limit for using screens. For example, we could limit our screen time to a certain number of hours per day or set specific times during the day when we can use screens. We could also use apps that track our screen time and provide notifications when we exceed our limit.

Spending too much time in front of screens can affect your well-being. That's why it's important to acknowledge the problem and take steps to fix it. One suggestion on how to do this can be by replacing some of our screen time with activities that are good for your brain and health, like exercising, reading, or spending time outdoors. That way, you improve your mental state and get healthier, killing two birds with one stone. Another way we can fix our screen addiction by working on personal growth and bettering ourselves. This means setting goals for ourselves, like jogging every day and lowering your 5k time. When people start to set goals that they can accomplish, it gives them a sense of purpose. And having a sense of purpose can distract yourself from spending meaningless time on your phone. Also, learning new things can also open up new opportunities. And taking care of yourself whether through maybe playing sports like golf or taking up a diary for example can be really helpfulfor our mental and emotional health. Therefore cutting your screen time down. So to recap, if you genuinely want to improve yourself and take some self-responsibility, you must consciously limit your screen time and focus on self-improvement. So hopefully, the evidence above will persuade you to do so.

WORKS CITED

Adelantado-Renau M, Moliner-Urdiales D, Cavero-Redondo I, Beltran-Valls MR, Martínez-Vizcaíno V, Álvarez-Bueno C. Association Between Screen Media Use and Academic Performance Among Children and Adolescents: A Systematic Review and Meta-analysis . JAMA Pediatr. 2019;173(11):1058–1067. doi:10.1001/jamapediatrics.2019.3176

Horowitz‐Kraus, Tzipi, and John S. Hutton. "Brain connectivity in children is increased by the time they spend reading books and decreased by the length of exposure to screen‐based media." Acta paediatrica 107.4 (2018): 685-693.

Media and Children, Aap.org, https://www.aap.org/en/patient-care/media-and-children/. 

Sigman, Aric. "The impact of screen media on children: a Eurovision for parliament." Improving the quality of childhood in Europe 3 (2012): 88-121.

[nctinfo]

[TRANS] Doyoung’s interview with Grazia September 2019 issue!

Q: I heard you participated in the recording for the Idol Sports Athletic Championships <ISAC> yesterday? A: Yes. I also competed in archery. 

Q: Actually, you are considered a member who doesn't like moving. It must have been a big decision. A: At the very least, I participated in a sport that requires the least movement. hahaha.

Q: Can we look forward to an outstanding performance? A: In last year's New Year special of <ISAC> we won the silver medal in archery. This time, I practiced a lot whenever I had time so I think it's good to look forward to it.

Q: So you actually practiced A: All the idols who participated in a competition practiced. I especially practiced a lot this time so I was personally also kinda looking forward to it. The archery teacher too thought it was a shame we just won the silver medal last time, so he also put in more effort into teaching us. 

Q: Since January this year, starting in Seoul, you've been around the world from North America to South America, Asia, and even Europe to hold concerts. Since you had been touring for over 6 months, you must have learned a lot? A: I personally did, but I also think our team has grown quite a bit. We've been really busy for almost half a year. Especially in the case of the U.S. tour, we performed every other day so it was physically demanding. However, I think this difficult process made us able to grow. And thanks for the fans' support, I was able to overcome the difficult times mentally and physically. I felt the importance of the fans once again during this tour. I really thought of them as a big support to help me endure. I really realized they are a huge comfort for me to help me withstand.

Q: Please share any special memorable moments that happened during the tour with us A: The show in Atlanta was especially memorable. It was where pop artists, who we know just by hearing their names, have held concerts before and all their pictures are hanging in a large hallway. Among them, only artists who sell-out will be given the 'sold out'-sign. Thankfully, our show got sold-out so we got the sign on our picture too and because of that I felt very strange.

Q: The distances you traveled during the tour were huge. You must have spent a lot of time on the plane. What do you usually do (during the flight)? A: I like to watch dramas, so I downloaded a lot of dramas and movies. However during the tour, since we didn't have much rest, I spent most of it sleeping. 

Q: Then, what do you always have to carry with you on board/ A: an iPad to watch dramas and AirPods. There's not much more than that (laughs).

Q: What do you, recently, like to watch? A: A while ago I had a lot of fun watching <Search: WWW>. Also, although it might sound like I'm doing a promo, but my hyung (actor Gongmyung) is starring in a drama nowadays. I wouldn't have mentioned it if it wasn't a fun drama but his drama <Melo Is My Nature> is pretty fun.

Q: We can't miss talking about your appearance on <King of Masked Singer>. You made quite a hot topic after receiving more than 70 votes in three consecutive rounds and going to the finals. A: I was preparing (for my performance) while we were on tour and although it was busy and hectic, it was a special experience. I was really happy during the whole process as I originally always loved singing. Actually, since my trainee days, <King of Masked Singer> has been a program I wanted to compete on. My desire to receive good results were, as expected, big. However, as the recording day was nearing, I thought it was more important to have fun with myself. So I sang songs that I like and do well at. 

Q: Usually, when you appear on King of Masked Singer you have to keep it a secret until you reveal yourself. How was it? Did you keep it a secret from the NCT members? A: Anyhow, because I had to prepare, they saw me go out for practice at dawn so then I honestly told them. Although there were some members who didn't ask me until the very end. They saw me for the first time during the broadcast hahaha.

Q: How did the members react after seeing the broadcast? A: Actually, the members were more interested in the sexy dance I showed as a personal talent than the song I performed. It created quite the buzz so I was teased a lot (laughs).

Q: After seeing (your) past interview, I can really tell you love your voice A: Since I was young, I hoped my voice would be a bit more unique. Since I felt it wasn't really special, I wanted to have my own vocal color. So I tried to follow people whom you can recognize after just listening to one bar and who has special tones. But as time went by, I realized it's nice to have a voice like mine, one that people don't really dislike and is nice to listen to. I really like my own voice now (laughs).

Q: Doyoung's singing skills is something anyone will acknowledge. When I look at your NCT Music YouTube Channel, you especially cover song of female singers, is there a particular reason? A: There's not really a specific reason. But I think it's the beauty to paint the cover with your own color that will set you apart from the original artists. When I cover a song by female singers, I can lower the vocal range or color it with my own voice and I'm free to choose what I want to do. I think that's probably why I often pick (female artists songs). And it's also simply because they are my favourite artists. (laughs).

Q: When I watch your cover videos I can tell you use a lot of different concepts and put a lot of thought into them. A: I'm the type to prepare many different things when I do something myself. For example, I think about where to use a mic or not, and if so, what kind of mic and also if I should shoot a video separately or not after recording (the cover). The song is important but I'm one to actively comment on what would go well with the video. 

Q: Not long ago, you brother Gongmyung said that traveling with his younger brother was something that was on his bucket list. Did you know of this plan? A: I knew because we always talked about going on a trip together, but it isn't easy for us to find a when we're both free. I really want to go someday. I think it would be fun to show you our trip through a reality show..

Q: Where would you like to go if you were to travel together? A: Actually, the place doesn't matter. My brother and I don't really enjoy drinking much but we would still drink a bit (laughs). So I think it would be fun to travel around to find the local sake of each region.

Q: I heard your personal slogan is 'Let's live like myself'. So how is it to live as Doyoung? A: I'm the type to believe that I can do well and lives thinking positively. For example, I think to myself, ‘I am doing well right now' and  'I am cool' when I'm shooting a pictorial. I try to believe in myself.

Q: Then, what did you tell yourself during the shoot earlier? A: Hahaha. Actually, I was kinda embarrassed but the staff's support is really amazing... (laughs).

Q: What is something special to Doyoung only? A: Although the same might go for other singers, but I really love to sing. I realized it's my love for singing and the fans' support that helps me overcome the hard times when I'm tired.

Q: It might seem like a big question, but what is Doyoung's life goal? A: Since I was young I had chosen artists who are the artists of my life. Because I've been listening to Park Hyoshin, Adam Levine, Oasis and Taeyeon sunbaenim since I was young, I will be able to say a lot of credit will go to them when I become a good vocalist in the future. Although I might add more (artists) in the future, but I think it's my life goal and iron rule to sing like them.

Q: What kind of artists do you dream of to be? A: It's my dream to do music which people who listen to will love rather than just doing music only I like. I hope to experience many more places, with many more songs and have a great time together with lots of people.

Q: The dream of someone who wanted to be a singer since he was young has already come true. What's is your next dream? A: Maybe not to the extent of directing, but I want to challenge producing a performance/concert. Although I'm still lacking and am not at that level yet, I hope to be become someone who can share and express their opinions during the preparations for my own performance someday.

Translation: Esmee @ FY! NCT (NCTINFO) | Source: Grazia Scans — Do not repost or take out without our permission!

[lockdownuk]

Lockdown Diary Part 1

A personal account during the lockdown in the UK due to the Covid-19 outbreak.

23/03/2020 8:30pm Boris Johnson, UK Prime Minister, gives a live address to the nation to, effectively, put the country on lockdown to stem the spread of the deadly coronavirus strain, Covid-19.

Many of us have been self-isolating for days but this latest development within the UK in reaction to the pandemic feels very serious and very scary. I decided to keep a simple diary and where better but online.

Day 1: Last night Boris called it, today we’re doing it. I had started working from home (wfh) yesterday as had most people at my work (RCI)..last week I had been preparing laptops as fast as poss for everyone. Even just today, the idea of going into work seems alien and dangerous. Now lockdown (ld) means that it would soon be illegal to do so unless utterly necessary.

Online, FaceBook (fb) especially, is awash with reaction…a lot of calling out people who are out and about in greater numbers than 2, which is against ld rules.

Day 2: Just trying to let work occupy my thoughts and time which is easy enough ‘cos everyone I support (IT engineer) is new to wfh and is having teething problems with all the new laptops. Meanwhile, I keep abreast of comings and goings online…actually socially interacting more than I might otherwise, weirdly

Day 3: Highlight of the day is an online quiz organised by a chap called Jay Flynn on fb…a bunch of us took it as individuals while chatting on Messenger while Jay streamed quiz over fb live and YouTube. It was a good crack and I had two cans of Coors Light which got me pissed!

Day 4: Work is still mad - so many people with IT issues wfh…it’s challenging trying resolve all these probelms remotely but I am rising to it. I actually enjoy it. It satisfies my want for problem-solving.

The ld is in full swing but it’s very early days. The news is dominated, obviously, by Covid-19 and the ever changing stats of infections and deaths. Today, for example, the USA took over, from China, as the country with the most infections. I know there will be an end to all this and I am determined to be there, going out, getting pissed down the pub, gigging, shaking hands with my mates, hugging anyone and everyone who’ll let me - it’ll be a proper party. But I am filled with a dread that it’s going to be a fucking long time coming.

This evening was spent virtually with Foggy, Ham and Andy P…doing a quiz - a rehearsal for Foggy in the hope of doing one to a wider audience next week. It was good fun and great to have a few beers chatting with everyone, Later I video called Fog and we drank ‘til gone midnight, putting the world to rights. I was well pissed.

Day 5: First non-work day of the ld. Housework, daily walk, out for supplies (drop a script order off…queuing outside boots for 15 minues!, bread, baccy and booze). This evening, I’m listening to the next album in NME list of 1985 albums I’m working through - Grace Jones Slave to the Rhythm…fucking pain in the arse ‘cos it’s not on Spotify so I am searching for each song, in order, on YouTube. Plus eating and drinking, of course. Quick video chat with karen and Grace, Dan in the background. I wanted a tin of kidney beans for chilli but Karen hasn’t got one ffs. Burger it is. They are all playing scrabble - I’d love to join in…

Day 6: A quiet day…housework, cooking, daily walk. Highlight was a half hour chinwag with dad who, as I would expect, despite his 84 years, is coping and doing just fine. Most other people with a dad that age would have, on top of their own concerns, something more to worry about during this crisis….for me, it feels like I’ve got someone to turn to, should I need to.

Day 7: Work is starting to feel more routine but it’s a long way off being in the office, which is never routine anyway. That may seem surprising since I do IT support but it’s a varied role, especially at the modern dinosaur of an organisation that is RCI. I try to be as disciplined as possible but I miss not dressing for work, not driving to work, not needing to actually prepare lunch (until lunchtime). I don’t actually need to shower every morning. I don’t think I have to ordinarily but do because I’m mixing with others in the office. I certainly don;t need to now. I only mix with me, so showering becomes a chore but I’m doing it every other morning in the name of the aforementioned discipline. I am worried how long RCI can keep going before laying staff off. I dread being out of work full stop, let alone during this ld, or even thereafter. I think the economies of the world will need time to recover so finding work will be tough à la 2008. I think, if lay-offs were to occur, I’d be in real danger. Last in first out and all that. But, I’ll cross that bridge if and when I come to it.

Day 8: At work there was a large online meeting whereby the MD told us that RCI are going to furlough some staff. The UK, and Ireland staff will be consulted this coming Thursday and Friday (it’s Tuesday today). I shall be reading up on what the furlough arrangements are in the UK due to Covid-19. I know the government have set aside some money, I need to know what I might get paid and how to claim it. In the past, when I’ve been out of work, I’ve been entitled to jack shit other than JSA, This time around, should I be laid off as I expect, I might not have to eat into my savings, fingers crossed. Meanwhile, I have decided to knock up another blog with a photo of myself each day of the ld (from now on) - it’s a sister to this diary.

Day 9: Actually typing this on day 10. Yesterday was a strange day as I contemplate being furloughed (hope for the best, expect the worst)…I’d be paid 80% of my wage according to what the government have said to assist in the Covid-19 crisis…so, were that to be true, I’d be OK money-wise, although still earning way less than I want to prepared for retirement (I am currently still waiting for feedback on a pay increase request I put in at work last year!) I’m more worried about how I would fill my day if I wasn’t working. So, that being said, I flopped and moped about all yesterday evening after my daily walk and, without achieving much at all, didn’t find time to write this entry on the right day…so maybe I can fill my days without much effort!

Day 10: I was furloughed today, starting 5pm tomorrow (Friday 3rd April) and it’s fucked me off. I know it’s not personal but, actually, do I? They’re cutting back the Kettering Desktop team by one, redacted It seems obvious to do this by the ‘last in, first out’ maxim but what about money? others are on more than me (redacted). What about offering it voluntarily - others might go for 80% pay for fuck all - others have family at home to occupy the day  (redacted) . A little bit of me thinks it might be preferable furlough me  (redacted) …others seems to be a favourite and that annoys me. It annoys me because I think I shoot myself in the foot too often. I’m too vocal about some of the (redacted) decisions and practices at work, plus other reasons that I know but can’t be bothered to type. But, my point, is I don’t play the politically correct, corporate game and therefore forget to look out for my own best interests. FUCK.

So, as of tomorrrow evening, I’ve no work to do. The challenge will be to find a way to occupy my day. I’ve already registered to volunteer for the NHS during the ld…let’s see what becomes of that. And I’ve signed up for web development course. I’m going to get fucking pissed this w/e, starting early tomorrow evening.

Day 11: It’s day 12 as I am writing this entry…that might tell any reader, and remind me, that I did as I promised and got pretty drunk. I spent the day geting my work affairs in order i.e. clearing down support tickets assigned to me. I did a good job, nothing left to handover to the remaining team (Jim, Cristina and Mark) and onky one ticket put into the assigned pool. Some nice converstaions were had with associates, many of whom are, too, being furloughed. Nice words were said and Jim and Mark both were supportive in conversations and messages - they both know I don’t wnat this and, I think, they are both relieved it’s not happening to them. 5 pm arrives and I shutdown my work laptop for the last time for at least 12 weeks. After my daily walk, I video chat with Karen, crack open a beer, make Chinese chicken curry (fucking loads, fucking tasty), finish watching The National Theatre stream of One Man, Two Guvnors (really good, see twoinchreview) and the caught up with, and talked bollocks with Andy, Marc and Ham - we tried getting Rog in on it, no dice. I then watched The Heat (I fucking love that film), ate some more, smoked several single-skinners, drank, in total, three cans, seven bottles. I went to bed shortly after 4am. I felt resigned to my furlough and pleasantly wasted.

Day 12: A subdued day…didn’t wake until gone 1:30pm. Jaded but not really suffering. Mooched about, social media, listening to music, watching telly, farting about on the iPad. My daily walk, over the last fews days, has taken a twist…I am trying to run parts of it. Mainly short distances, 80-100m (I estimate) three, maybe four times. It’s fucking knackering me out. I used to run everywhere when I was a teen. Attempting to run now just makes me feel fucking old. Well, I am, so that’s about right.

Day 13: Another day like yesterday except I got up at 10:30 and didn’t feel jaded. The subdued feeling comes from the realsiation that the ld isn’t being treated as seriously as it should be across the board. The news and even posts by locals on FB (Oundle chatter group) suggest groups still meeting up. The weather this w/e has been a factor - 17°c today. I think a total ld will be enforced soon and that would fuck me off. My daily walk is pretty essential for me nowadays not least for the ‘good for your soul’ benefits that dad has always mentioned. Even today’s walk saw a car parked at the gates to the field on the way to Ashton and people on a blanket soaking up the sun, dogs off their leads and people (looked like a family) playing footy on South Road field. Individually they are not presenting any danger, what with the fact they are either living together or far away from others. But they are flaunting the rules and the more that happens the less likely they’ll carry on getting away with it, which will mean total ld for all! I finished the 50 1985 albums today. It mostly confirms to me that I only listened to two albums released that year (Kate Bush, The Waterboys) any other vinyl I spun would have already been in my collection pre-85.

The sausage casserole I made for tea was fucking lush - 4 birdeye chillies. I saw and spoke with Dan and Grace this morning, they were just coming back from a walk. I am pleased to fuck they are together and sorted out the issues they had earlier this year.

Day 14: My first day proper of furlough. Finished my two inch review of the NME 50 albums. Long chat with Rita, quick one with dad. Messaged Sam about Romiley’s present - she’s 10 on the 9th April (Thursday) - ordered some Lego thing from Amazon. Turned the car engine over (reminded myself the driver-side wing mirror is fucked) and moved it to another spot in the Co-op car park - bumped into Matt T. He’s struggling - no work coming in and he can’t claim any of the money on offer ‘cos he’s not being totally honest about his circumstances - made me realise I’m not that bad off…..but I feel depressed about it all, especially with the news that Boris has gone into intensive care.

Day 15: I began a diploma (?) course on web design with Shaw Academy (it was free). They have actual classes (which are recorded) which you schedule yourself. The first one was, I have to say, really interesting - I look forward to continuing. On my walk today, I saw a car parked at the gate to the field at the bottom of Riverside Close; it was branded with Cunninghams Estate Agent with a 01536 number. I am pretty sure I saw the driver walking her dog (unleashed) on the field. I took a photo and rang the number. Yes, I ratted the culprit out…fucking annoys me that I had to. Better than reporting to the police, all round. Hopefully her work will put a stop to her doing it and, the more people that adhere to the rules without the police getting wind of infractions, the more likely we’ll be able to continue to exercise away from home.

Day16: More online learning including checking out other sites (pluralsight) for more learning opportunities. Coded my first web page, basic but mine, in HTML and CSS. A few beers & smokes and watching White Boy Rick in the evening, interspersed with the usual social media / messaging shit, incuding this entry, of course!

Day 17: Typing this on Day 18. After a few beers last night while chatting with Fog (twice - the first chat ended with him ‘having’ to go to bed. Later, I noticed he was commenting on FB, so I video called him…round two of chatting!). I got quite fucking pissed. Bed around 4am.

Day18: Up at 1pm. Long walk today, 7 km. Anything over 40 minutes, I’ve realised, results in a hypo.

Day19: Well, having gone to bed at gone 5am I got up at nearly 1pm feeling far better than I should have. Breakfast followed by a walk, spoke with Karen (mowing her front lawn) and Dan. He and Grace have split up which is sad news but he seems OK. Went shopping (milk and sweets) and ended up with a shit load of booze, the post of which on FB was quite amusing. Homemade burgers for tea (they’re in the fridge as I type) - gonna try and make Five Guys…

Day20: The Five Guys burger attempt didn’t go as well as I wanted. I think less than 5% fat mince just doesn’t bind that well. However, I managed to get something resembling a burger into the bun and, with cheese, hot sauce and jalapeños, it was tasty enough. More of the same when I finish typing this entry. Strange Easter Day today, as I knew it would be. The best thing I saw today was a video Tom posted on FB of him and Molly doing a mashup of Starsailor and George Michael - Tom on guitar singing the former, Molly singing the latter. It was fucking fantatstic.

Day 21: Easter Monday. Surreal…it’s feeling very surreal now, this lockdown.

Two things that bother me right now:

i) The political point scoring on FB. I get it, I really do…people like to bring up ‘obvious’ failings in the party’s mistakes. For example, Marc posting comparisons between UK and Germany’s figures of cases and deaths due to Covid-19. I doesn’t make impressive reading for the government and it should be held accountable. But not fucking now!

ii) Will they introduce rotational furloughing at RCI? It’s only been a week, 11 to go. And, it bothers me that I was furloughed rather than Mark. Pathetic of me, I know! But, should it last the 12 week stretch, I want to go back to work and let someone else have the chance to have fuck all to do all day! That being said, I’m still learning web design through Shaw Academy. Even today, bank holiday, I revised Lesson 2.

Day22: Nice catchup with Dad today - he and Rita seem to be more than OK with lockdown. I actually cannot wait until we can meet up at The Farmers again!

Day 23: While I had a Corvee engineer come to the house today to do a gas safety check (I waited upstairs while he was here, self-isolation and all that), and had the fourth online web design lesson, had a trip to Boots to pick up insulin, got milk from Tesco’s, saw American Rachel and had a chat (while we both queued to get into Tesco’s) and had a very nice walk along a different route from the norm, in the pleasant sunshine and watched Contagion on Netflix - all today - I AM STILL BORED AS FUCK!

Day 24: I had plans for today - revise the last two lessons of Shaw Academy’s web design course, investigate a ethical hacking course, do some washing, clean upstairs (or at least the bathroom) plus all the usual stuff. Then, as a reward, have some beers. Well, guess what. I am not having beers this evening. I managed the laundry. Plus I manged to subtitle my YouTube perfect snabby video (something I have been meaning to do for a while, but, come on!) It took me fucking ages. But it is funny! So, a fucking far from fruitful day. Plus the government announced at least 3 more weeks of lockdown. There’ll be loads more, I reckon. Tomorrow…I promise I’ll be better tomorrow…

Day 25: I did do better! Firstly the Corveee man fucked the boiler which I only noticed late yesterday but still managed to get sorted today. I did some excellent revision and learning of HTML (tags) and CSS. I cleaned the bathroom and hall. And I discovered TikTok (fucking excellent dancing and funny vids) plus discovered a new FaceBook word game (Sam sent me an invite) called WordBlitz and I am pretty good. Having beers now (nearly 11pm).

Day 26: Today I found myself calling 111. I had a pain in my side last night, I thought it might be constipation! That not being the case (!), today I went to 111.nhs.uk and, following their questions, it recommended I seek out a GP straightaway. Once I let the website know that is not possible, it directed me to visit walk in centres. I spoke with Karen thereafter - for advice about whether it’s a good idea to enter such an establishment - I really don’t want to increase me chances of catching the Covid-19 virus. Karen recommended ringing 111 since the website does not take into account my diabetes (so bloody sensible a suggestion!)

After ringing and answering many questions, the lady said she’d get an OOHS GP to call. The doctor called soon after and it seems most likely I have a grumbling appendix (chronic appendicitis) and to ring again (well, 999) if the pain becomes unbearable.

I now have a bag at the ready for hospital which I really hope I don’t have to use. Today, I  have, therefore, done fuck all - not even a walk - but I am having a beer now (midnight) and shall attempt to sleep as well as possible and hope this pain subsides naturally…

It occurs to me that I turn to Karen when things become flumoxing - my excuse, this time, is she works at the surgery but that was mere convenience.

Day 27: My ‘appendicitis pain was the same when I woke up (10:20) but no worse. I managed to change bed clothes and clean my bedroom but didn’t risk a walk (in case something drastic happens when I’m in a fucking field).

People’s responses and questions online have been heartening (Rachel Harris, Susie Grange, Bethan, Jo, Tracey Weber, Debbie De Prisco and, not least Dan). As the day progresses, I feel better but not right. I spoke with Dad about it and, as I told him, I shall ring Oundle GP tomorrow. Meanwhile, I did Sam Clew’s FB Live quiz, which was good, and am now having a beer or two.

Day 28: The pain in my side has definitley diminished. I called the Oundle surgery today to talk about what treatment I should have for ‘grumbling appendicitis’. The reseptionist organised a call back from a GP - Dr. Cash. Basically, he said he didn’t believe the condition existed, that acute appendicitis doesn’t happen after the age of 35, and ‘his gut felling’ is it will all just clear up.

I shall seek a more sensible diagnosis after lockdown and hope it doesn’t flare up again before then.

Day 29: I sent an email to the team at work today (Jim, Mark, Cristina and Sueanne). I hadn’t heard from them and I wanted to check in and, also, make a point that I will be posing the ‘rotational furlough’ question to HR at some point. It was as I wrote the email that I realised it’s only been two weeks and two days of furlough, and that includes Easter! Seems so much fucking longer. Anyway, everyone replied and it was good to hear from them….Mark came off his bike and broke ribs and collarbone! Lesson 5 of the Web Design course with Shaw Academy. It’s becoming apparent that, if you don’t pay for the course ‘toolkit’ it’s all rather patchy! The instructor dives into lines of code (HTML, CSS and Java) with no explanation….I feel like I did on the ifrst lesson of further maths ate Stamford School! I shall soldier on and beef up the missing parts with W3Schools (a great website and learning aid for coding). Two quick points. I am no longer running any part of my daily walk; hurts too much. I am addicted to Wordblitz and TikTok. Day30: I am writing this on day 31, I just forgot yesterday! It was a non eventful day. I did watch Midnight Run (again!) and had a couple of midweek beers though.

[reder]

My relationship with the internet

I have been thinking about my relationship with the internet recently.

It’s weird that I have built a strong dependency toward the internet through out the years without noticing it. Or, I noticed it but it is too weird to stay distant from it, given that everyone is there and using it everyday, right?

I have to admit that internet is addictive, and it’s addictive in many ways. For example, I have a bad habit of reading a random Wikipedia entry and dig into related entries. It’s reading for pleasure with the sense of learning something new. The thing is, if I don’t try to memorize the details or at least write a note about it, I won’t be able to recall anything.

The whole internet though, is a media that contains too much interesting content. While a single person won’t be able to read all the available books in their life, the internet content is way beyond that. If I am not careful, I may save more than 20 interesting articles that I want to “read later” in a day. This habit has leaked into Youtube videos. I have thousands of articles to read and videos to watch, they all seem to be interesting to me, at least for the past me. “Interesting” is now an insufficient criteria to determine if something is worth digest.

This may be fine when I was young and didn’t feel the stress of time. But as I am closer to my 40s, I started to realize that I don’t have infinite time and I care about too many things. There are too many interesting things in the world but I cannot care about them all. There must be a priority built for myself, otherwise I am dragging around by others' priorities.

Another source of the internet stickness is from the social networks. I shouldn’t care about the social pressure because I quitted Facebook back in 2019. There shouldn’t be a pressure for me to keep checking Twitter timeline because most of my acquaintances are not on Twitter. But why is it still a problem?

The reason is that the social pressure isn’t from my acquaintances. It comes from those numbers on the social networks. We human likes to compare and subconsciously I can’t stop comparing to others. The term “peer pressure” describes it, and the social networks make it worse. One may compare the number of Likes received with other people they follow; one may feel depressed if a new post didn’t receive any Like; one may try hard to earn Likes.

I have to remind myself that quality is more important than quantity. Because quantity is far easier to measure, it’s easier to set up a goal using quantity as the measurement. For example, number of books read in a year; number of notes written in a month; words written in a day; number of posts/pictures/videos posted; number of likes or comments obtained. I won’t say those measurement is meaningless, but each one has its own pitfalls. Relying on a single measurement gives the wrong target to chase after, and that may misdirect me. What I want is an improved internet experience with better quality.

I started to build a new set tenets for myself, that will be the north star for me to deal with my relationship with the internet with the quality in mind. The tenets include:

Slow is fast.

Less is more.

Far is near.

Previously, I always try to hunt for interesting people to follow and make my timeline as rich as I can. Now, I only follow a few people when using a new platform and keep a short list of “must read” in the existing platforms. I try to have a short list of ongoing subjects that I want to explore and be more mindful on what I read. I try to keep distances to “news” or “modern stuff” and leave room for me to reflect. I remove any social media app if I started to scroll through the timeline aimlessly on my phone and use them on my iPad or laptop.

What will the result be? I don’t have a solid answer yet as I started it half month ago but it seems to be promising.

Related readings that inspired this post:

Your attention didn’t collapse. It was stolen

Why You Should Stop Reading News

A Guide For Reading Less And Thinking Better

Read Less. Learn More.

‘I want to savour every word’: the joy of reading slowly

[is-hiveswap-act-2-out-yet]

March 8, 2018

Hiveswap: Act 2 is not out yet.

Hey what’s up guys I hate tumblr apps and I hate the ipad I have to remember and retype all of this so I ugh it won’t be as raw as the first draft but

Anyway

I am depressed and very sad...and I am depressed. I wasn’t gonna even make the original post bc I’m so sad and didn’t have the energy to do it i was just gonna go to sleep but idk I feel kind of a personal obligation so here I am...remembering and retyping the post I just made but tumblr just pooped out of existence.

I um I got a car like I signed for it and everything and it’s all good i can pay for it but the problem is the insurance. Because since I’m under 21 (woman) the insurance is like super expensive it’s like $300 a month at the cheapest and that’s like a DEAL.

I can’t like get on my dads insurance bc my dad and I...like really bad stuff like we don’t talk and honestly I’d rather Uber the rest of my life than give him one more thing to hold over me when trying to manipulate me and emotionally abuse me

Um but so anyway it’s stressing me out because like ugh its so unfair its just so unnecessary it’s so stupid you know? The life ive had to live because of my dad. Its not even the price. That made me cry. Its that I’ve been living this way for so long now that it feels never ending. It feels like...my goals are /just/ out of reach.

It sucks to see your friends all have opportunity like from their parents. And help from their parents, to at least get started. And...I don’t have that. I’ve never had that. My parents just kind of did their job till I was like 13 and then I had to learn everything myself. And I obviously havent learned a whole lot. Just how to sing and how to be a kind of cool person. But maybe not even that. Idk I’ve never been close to my parents. Theyve never made an effort to like be a part of my life and know who I am. And I don’t know them either. Like I see them every day, my mom drives me places if I ask, but I don’t know them.

And I don’t know how orphans that leave an orphanage at 18 do it. Because without the help from parents, without that little push, it’s so hard to exist in this world.

Like I can almost grab them but I’m stuck in that never ending stretch. And no matter what I do no matter how much closer I move the finish line, I still am stuck, alone, reaching for it and struggling to grab it.

I also um I got an offer for a full time job. But honestly I’m not too confident in my ability to be a sales person 24/7 but I don’t really have a choice. I’m scared I’ll start and theyll realize how terrible I am and how they made a mistake and theyll fire me and my uselessness will be: confirmed. And its like really giving me anxiety. But...again. Don’t have a choice.

And its also killing me bc my current job. I’ve been there for 3 years. I’ve built so many important friendships and learned so much there. That place is forever in my heart, I love it so much. Its honestly my comfort, from my actual life. Which is weird, right? Work is where you find comfort? But yeah. Work is currently my comfort. I feel at home when I walk in the doors.

And it hurts me to think about having to leave. Or to even think about having to tell my coworkers and managers that I got an offer for a full time job that I have to take. I don’t want to end that chapter of my life. Not yet. Not for some boring sales position at what seems like a terrible company.

I tried to tell them today and I couldn’t do it it was so hard I was thinking about it all day and I felt guilt for not telling them and that makes me really sad.

But you know I need this because I don’t have health insurance and I need health insurance. I need it.

I don’t know.

I was always scared to get a full time job too because to me...a full time job...is like...the end. Or not the end but more like...the beginning of...acceptance? Like just the beginning of accepting that you have to work away your life to live and you have to work under capitalism and succeed in capitalism and just...taking a seat and following all those rules to live a secure life. Giving your life up. Giving up your dreams, even.

It feels like I’m running out of time.

And you know I don’t want to be stuck in a cycle under the capitalist thumb until I die I want to do things I want to perform I want to sing I want to see things!!! I haven’t had the privilege of others to you know go out and do things I wanted to do because my family is so broken and I just want that. I don’t want to be smooshed down into a case and hung up on some CEOs huge wall of other people smooshed into cases.

I just...it feels like I’m running out of time. And its stressing me out. And making me sad.

And you know of course I have mental health issues like I don’t even know if I can be a functional person at all 24/7 so I don’t know how working full time is gonna be.

I’m just scared of failing in every area. Scared of not being good enough. Scared of running out of time. Scared of being defeated and having to just comply with the world.

And of course the no internet affecting my ability to do any of the things I enjoy, leaving me an empty shell of YouTube videos and video games out of obligation.

Also the fact that I cant afford an apartment even with s full time job, meaning I have to stay here in my dads house, miserable, for that much longer.

And just....there’s a whole lot. There’s a whole lot. I’m thinking about a bunch of stuff and I’m sad and it’s hard for me right now. So if I miss a day or two or a few...I’m sorry. Uh. Just know that it’s not bc I’m lazy it’s because I just really am not “feelin up to it right now”.

Sorry to dump my 2nd edition life story on yall but idk sometimes you just gotta share your feelings with a bunch of random strangers on the internet so they understand why you arent having the best time keeping up with your daily blog.

Edit: just watched the Nintendo direct and WOW SUPER SMASH BROS FOR THE SWITCH YEAAHHHHHHH

Also congrats, Toby. On your dream of getting undertale on the switch. And also making it onto a Nintendo direct woe.

There are 11 days until “Spring 2018”.

[mediocrethoughts]

Recalling the Past and Reading Someone’s Memories

Journal for November 12, 2020 (7:55 PM) to November 13, 2020 (5:02 PM)

I woke up at around 7:55 PM because of my alarm yesterday, November 12, 2020. I wanted to sleep some more because I felt really tired, but I needed to attend my class. When I looked in the mirror, I looked so dead with dark circles around my eyes. I was too tired to even wash my face so I just took a long sleeved shirt from the wardrobe and put it over the white shirt I was wearing yesterday before I slept. When I got accepted into the Google Meeting and when we proceeded with the class without Sir Hans asking us to open our cameras, I heaved a sigh of relief. At least I’d spare myself the embarrassment of looking so bad compared to when I was made up when we presented our reports last time.

Anyways, we continued to discuss about the Magna Carta and related it to the movie Dead Poets Society still. Along the way, it kind of still surprised me how some students weren’t able to watch it completely yet. It’s a good movie! The trick is to really try to enjoy yourself while watching the movie and just not think of it as something that you’re required to watch. That way, if you really enjoyed the movie (without the heavy feeling that you’re only watching it out of responsibility), you’d be able to easily recall scenes that you can relate to anything. Of course, going back and opening the file to properly recall the scenes you’re trying to recall helps as well.

We ended class early again! We finished Article V this time. There was actually a point in the discussion where we talked about inappropriate or immoral acts of teachers and stuff, and I wanted to input a gossip I heard from a schoolmate during my time in UP, but it seems that a lot of the other students had lots to share, so I didn’t volunteer to share (also because I’m not even sure now if it’s true or not).

I’ll just write it here! Actually, I had this professor for a law subject of mine during my first year days. He had broad forehead, which he also admits to having, but his body was lean, like you can clearly see that he has a flat tummy and probably some muscles hiding underneath the sophisticated clothes he wears. He was actually a lawyer as well as a professor there in UP before. Lots of us had crushes on him actually! He has two kids,but he seems to be separated from his wife, and what comes out from his mouth really seemed intelligent and pretty much, he was a really cool teacher.There was even one point when I thought he might’ve had his eyes on me because of an interaction once:

My friends and I were on the way out of the AS buildings when he was also on the way to the parking lot (we had to pass by the parking lot before we’re able to get out of the AS premises). As usual, I was ahead of my friends because I usually had my own world. He sort of asked us in general (if I remember correctly) where we were from. My friends answered first, and then I said I was from Yati. I think he said something along the lines of, “Oh wow! I’m from Yati as well. If you need a ride on the way home just let me know.” It was most likely a joke of course, but it got stuck in my head and my innocent (and presumptuous) mind thought of it too much.

 Anyways, when I turned second year, I heard a gossip about him dating a senior of ours in the BA Psychology course. I never really knew if there was any truth to gossip, but since there’s gossip like this, there should be a little basis, right? 

That story aside, after my class, I was so intent on doing something productive. I told myself, “Okay, I’ll be finishing one of my school requirements today.” However, I ended up telling myself again, “Fine! I’ll just do my school stuff after I finish this video of mine for YouTube. It only requires like 5% work left anyways.” Well, I failed because I got attached to my game again. I swear I hate myself and my addiction to games.

Around 11:30 PM, I started to get hungry. Because I was intermittent fasting, my proper feast time was supposed to be around 12:00 AM, however, since there was only a few minutes left, I decided I’d eat. Me, Nivan, and Amber went to the kitchen to look for food, and also wait for his order. Amber has been sleeping at dawn lately. I don’t know why but her yaya lets her sleep at around 5 PM in the afternoon so she wakes up at around 7 or 8 PM which means that she wouldn’t be sleepy around 10 or 11 PM which was supposed to be her sleeping time last week. I made a note to myself that I should tell the yaya to not her sleep in the afternoon tomorrow to make sure that she’ll sleep again in accordance to the Philippines’ timezone.

When the food arrived, we ate and then went back in again after. We’ve been giving Amber her YouTube videos lately (something we’re really guilty of doing), so she’s just stuck in bed with me, nursing and watching her YouTube. I started to get really sleepy, so... I fell asleep around 1:30 AM and left Amber awake watching her YouTube with Nivan. I kind of remember telling Nivan in a half asleep state to get her YouTube away from her at 2 AM even if she cries so that she’ll sleep. 

I woke up at around almost 6 AM in the morning and saw that my baby was sleeping on the bed where her head was near my back. I was facing the other way, so if I didn’t wake up and move around, I probably would’ve pressed on her head. Sigh, I don’t get why Nivan still doesn’t move Amber when she’s asleep. 

Anyways, I woke up wanting to work on my school stuff again, but then I saw that my Filmora app was still open. My video was still waiting for me to finish it, and so I decided I’d do it. I was recording my voice overs when when Nivan tapped my shoulders and told me that I promised him that I’d help with a video that he needed for his work. Agh! He also asked if I wanted anything to eat, which I said yes to since I have only eaten once during my eating window. So while he was away making food (or mandating ate Amy on what food to make, I’m not sure), I was editing the video he needed for his work.

By the time I finished working on his video, it was also time for an event in my game. Sigh. I got stuck playing the game again. The food that Nivan went out for earlier only arrived at around almost 9 AM (my eating window was supposed to end before 8 AM). I made a mental note to adjust my eating window again. A few minutes later, the choco chip cookies he ordered the other day arrived, so I thought I’d try some and just readjust my sleeping schedule again.

After eating, well... I sort of proceeded with finishing my video. I finally got to like 1% worth of work left, and then Amber woke up. I was also playing my game while editing the video (mostly playing the game, really), so when she woke up, I brought the iPad to the bed and played there while also talking to Amber. I was having a really bad migraine that time and I can’t seem to find my pain-killers. I was searching for it and playing (mostly playing, again) for an hour or so, until I finally found it right in front of my face... but hiding. It was underneath the laptop I was sitting in front of! When I finally took the painkiller, the pain subsided. 

I swear, I hate my migraines. Whenever it’s not there, I take every moment for granted. Whenever it’s present and pounding the right side of my eyes though, I definitely can’t wait for it to be over.

Well, around 1 PM, Amber blurted out that she misses her wowo and uncle (my dad and my brother), so I decided to video call with them. It’s been a long time since we went home to my place, and we really miss them. I’ll make sure to go there with Amber next week.

It was supposed to be my sleeping time already around 2 PM, however, since I slept at 2 until almost 6 AM, I wasn’t feeling sleepy. I also didn’t have anything to do in the game, and so I decided to download the book ‘The Diary of a Young Girl’ by Anne Frank. It’s actually a book that we’re required to read for our Prof Ed 2 class, but boy when I opened it, I got really interested! Reading this book might be something I’d really enjoy, after all. It wasn’t the lengthy type every ‘chapter’, instead it was really like how diaries are supposed to be.

While reading her diary, it made me want to write on this again. So while reading her entry for July 10, 1942, I decided to spring out of bed and start writing this journal before I lose my will to get out of bed and write anything. 

So far, I am not yet on the brutal or sad parts of her diary and it made me realize that this historical girl was just a normal girl before everything that happened to her happened. On her first entries, she sounds like a presumptuous teenager to me. (I can say this because I never called anybody an ‘admirer’ of mine if they were just staring at me all day, especially when I was still 13 years old. They had to tell me straight to the face that they admire me before I brand them as my admirer in my head... although I was already assuming that they were indeed admirers, I knew that I was too shy to admit it, even in my own writing. So having read that she boldly thinks they were her admirers, and also putting her really honest thoughts like disliking someone, and even describing their flaws as a person in her own diary, she was a really honest-to-oneself person. I envy her.)

I’ll continue reading the book now! I don’t think I’m gonna sleep anytime soon since I still have class at 6:00 PM so I’ll just wait for it and finish it then sleep.

I’ll write here tomorrow again!

Yours, Angel

[cyraphim]

Hi anon!! I’m also an artist that has ADHD (combined type) and it really does tend to hold me back and keep me from experimenting. In my case it’s mostly from being overwhelmed or not feeling satisfied where I’m going with the drawing immediately and end up giving up too early. I don’t know if this will help you as much as it does for me, but I hope at least someone out there will find this useful! 

One thing that helps me is to put myself in a “school” environment. Because let’s be real, self-teaching is an absolute nightmare, at least for me. And isolated tutorials can only help so much, sure you can learn how to draw water from a post you found on twitter, but can you apply it to a full piece where the angle, shape, etc. may be put you in a position that said tutorial didn’t equip you for? Will it fit the rest of the style your’re going for? That’s why taking “classes” on learning how these things work inside out is really crucial just as a general art tip. As well as just practicing in general.

What I mean by “school” is that you may not need to be in an actual official class or online classes. There’s plenty of video tutorials that you can use as your “classes”. I also recommend not just watching them, but actively taking notes and going along with the lessons provided. Get your sketchbook (or just drawing tool of choice in general, such as your IPad) and start noting things down and drawing along. You can even try taking some time after watching a lesson to practice it yourself like you’re doing homework. Of course this still takes quite a bit of self-motivation since you won’t be given a grade or deadline, but maybe getting yourself into this habit ahead of time will help you be more mentally prepared for when you get into art school!

Some youtube channels I recommend to start out: Proko, Kienan Lafferty, BoroCG and Sycra. And there’s many, many more. Proko is more likely to put you into that “school” environment and actually has fuller versions of his lessons on his site that you can pay for where you’re even given actual homework to do. I don’t know if he still has critiques open for his older stuff, but I know he would personally critique things if you wanted to submit them, but it’s entirely optional and it doesn’t go towards any actual grade. Even if you don’t have the money, the free versions on the channel still provide enough of the lessons to make them worth watching.

Kienan Lafferty is general art tips (especially digital) and has a ton of fun tips about character design! BoroCG has an OVER-PAIN series which is a critique series I highly recommend! Watching critique videos in general is nice because even if it’s not your own art being critiqued, you can learn plenty from other peoples mistakes! Also everyone’s art in the videos is submitted with consent, so even if BoroCG may seem harsh or playing a character too much, just feel at ease that the people that submitted their own 100% know what they’re getting into!

I actually haven’t seen too much from Sycra, but I’ve heard they’re good, which leads me into saying that there’s TONS of art tutorials and artists out there. Just be mindful, don’t trust people who critique people’s art without the original person’s consent and make sure the person doesn’t have a black and white “DO THIS NOT THAT “ attitude (yes I’m referencing a very specific youtuber) and stay away from that crowd in general. Look for people with a more “professional” ATTITUDE (specifying attitude and not art, big difference). 

Whether someone is in the “industry” or not doesn’t make their ability to teach or give good tips better, there’s been plenty of “professionals” who are downright terrible at it. But watching videos from a random popular artist that tell you it’s a cardinal sin to use neon colors and that you should never use neon colors will do you more harm than good and that’s what I’ve learned from experience. 

Also as a side note not super relevant to the tip I just gave: Learn as much about your tools (Procreate) as you can. explore your program and look up all the juicy secrets and features it has to offer. Learning your program and what capabilities it has can lead you down a really fun rabbit hole of features you may want to experiment with after all, and can even improve you art process in either you QOL or overall art quality! 

What're ways to get better at drawing for someone with ADHD?? Anyone know?? Bc half the time my art is terrible and I legitimately cannot learn how to make it better, refs don't so as much help as I'd like and tutorials do absolutely nothing. I feel like I just don't have the ability to learn new things and I'm in my senior year so if I don't get better I can't get into school for art or anything like that and I'll just be nothing/poor for the rest of my life. I use a procreate/ipad also

I will have to point back to a previous post of ours to answer this one. Though, if people have experience in drawing while suffering from ADHD, please  - head to the comments of this post and share. 

Right now it sounds like your condition weigh a lot on your ability to explore this hobby, so for starters i would recommend you seek help, councelling or advice with anyone in a similar situation. We do not have the answers on this blog, but hopefully someone in the comments may be able to help you. 

More on this here: 

https://theredlinestation.tumblr.com/post/184274054408/hello-i-have-really-bad-general-anxiety-disorder

- Mod Wackart

[steamishot]

Habits

I’ve been making some lifestyle changes lately. Most, if not all my life, I’ve done things in a rush. I tend to value speed (maybe because I find the task more challenging and more fun if I race against time lol) when I complete tasks, and I realize I’ve been quite unaware that I do this. Little everyday things, like getting ready in the morning, taking a shower, peeing, washing my hair, combing my hair, applying lotion, blow drying my hair- I realize I rush through it and just hope I show up presentable. I wasn’t that aware until Matt pointed it out a few times, and I realize it when I’m on a trip with a few other girls and how quickly I’m able to get ready and how little effort I put in. I’ve been taking small but promising changes towards self-care. I’m slowing down during the shower and enjoying my time there more instead of viewing it as task that I just wanna get over with (kinda like how I view washing dishes or doing laundry). In a sense, I’m learning to embrace my feminine side and be okay with the time and effort I spend on myself. I only get one face and body in this lifetime after all.

I’m also translating this onto my hobbies/work out goals. In the past, I’ve focused on results, and wanted results quick. I would work extra hard in the beginning and then burn myself out and then stop altogether. I’ve been listening to a podcast called GeniusBrain. The hosts are Asian American youtube entertainers, and I think they provide a lot of good life advice and insight, while presenting it in a way that is authentic and funny. In one episode, as they talked about fitness, they mentioned that it is very common for people who are new to working out to want to see results quickly. And they described the same thing I went through multiple times. Their advice for someone who was completely sedentary and wanted to become more active was – JUST START WALKING EVERYDAY. Easy enough goal right? I only realized that more important to having big goals was the ability to be disciplined and form habits. My work out endeavors in the past didn’t really work for me, in hindsight, because the routine was too complex for me to absorb. I would follow youtube videos with weight training and cardio, but without the videos, I was at a loss. Maybe around Fall 2019, I started doing a mile run after work. I remember taking like 13 minutes to run a mile, but being so out of breath and lightheaded after I completed it.

In December, I made a goal to do 10k steps at least 5x/week. This is easy to accomplish during a workday, but I don’t track it as much during the weekend. I’ve consistently been taking my two breaks each work day to walk, and my body has significant improvements. Most days (excluding the days when I’m super exhausted from lack of sleep and/or traveling) I run 2+ miles on a treadmill at home. If I have a hours of free time over the weekend, I’ll do 5 miles. This is mindless, as I don’t have to think too much about following a youtube video, but instead I get to run while watching a show, which makes exercising much more bearable and fun. Now when I get home and don’t work out, my body feels weird and craves a workout. I’m happy to have formed a habit!!! I didn’t even run this much when I “trained” for a half marathon a few years ago. I eventually want to incorporate this ten minute muscle toning work out into my routine, but I’ll wait until my running habit has really developed. But my lesson is, doing less consistently is actually more in the long run.

This is the same with drawing. It helps when I am drawing things for other people, as it holds me accountable. At the same time, it is much more fulfilling to draw for a purpose – to bring joy to others. I know that I try harder when I’m drawing for other people than for myself. It’s only been a few weeks so far, but I’ve been drawing more consistently than I ever have since like high school. I think as an adult, hobbies can easily be seen as a waste of time if you’re not it for some monetary or health value, at least IMO. But I think illustration is a valuable skill in the design world, and it’s something I can add to my portfolio. In any case, I think doing something/building on any skill is better than not doing anything at all.

Notable events-

My bro and wife just bought a pretty expensive house in Gardena. They will probably move into it the end of the month. It is by far the nicest/biggest house in our family and they were able to do it with their parents’ help (mostly her parents). There was a joke that Trevor Noah did, about what college degree is the most useful- and the answer is rich/successful parents. I am happy for them. At the same time, I feel like there was no struggle on their part, but kinda leeching off parents. Her parents are still fairly young, so I don’t mind too much, but I get sad seeing that my parents are getting old, and they sacrifice so much just for their child to have a less stressful life. I am happy to know that my parents give what they can “for the next generation”, but they also have firm boundaries.

My grandma has 7 kids, and some send her money every month. Lately, my grandma has been giving me more money than before. She always wants to pay when we eat out, and gives me money every time I go on trips. I used to be uncomfortable accepting it, and always declined it. But now, I understand that it makes her happy that I accept her support. So now I just take it and say thank you. In my perspective, I think she thinks her time left is limited, so she’d rather “invest” in me because it’s more worthwhile.

Also, my SIL told my mom she’s pregnant.

I am leaving to NYC tomorrow! The more I go, the less ideas I have of what to do when planning out our itinerary, but I am just excited to be able to cuddle and give each other tight hugs and be there physically with each other. We had one of our worst fights over the weekend, and it spanned like 4 days, just because our free time doesn’t overlap enough to finish arguing lol. It is funny but it also is a really sucky feeling, because we both end up going to sleep upset and can’t talk about it until after work the next day. I am trying to make light of it now, but I felt pretty depressed going through it. Deep breathing helped. 

I want to document this so I can remember in the future - what happened was during/after night shifts, he just never “bounced back”. I stayed getting not as much attention (which may be the normal amount of communication in some LDRs, but it was a drastic change for me, perhaps because he used to spoil me before). We barely texted, barely got to talk in depth, and he was learning to be more efficient with his time and have more self-care (sleeping early, unwinding more, drinking less coffee) that he came off cold and distant to me. I accepted it as the norm during night shift, but was expecting that he return to “normal” afterwards. Anyway, because I was already in an insecure state of mind due to the perceived difference in behavior, I took it really personally when I was trying to plan out moving in together and he couldn’t give me an estimated timeline. I started feeling like he had some reservations about me that was preventing us from moving forward. His explanation was that - he doesn’t know what program he will be going to (will find out if he gets in on Match day), and doesn’t want to plan ahead because he doesn’t want to get his hopes up. I didn’t understand this, because to me I was just talking hypothetically. However, I didn’t really consider how emotionally heavy Match day could be to him. He did work very hard for a decade to get where he is at, and his future is still not guaranteed. So, even though I feel like my life is “on hold”, I can be patient and wait another month to find out. 

Got a pap smear done yesterday. 

Work updates: there was a period of time when things were quite slow for me. I noted in a blog post about how guilty I was feeling, and how odd I felt around my supervisor. I tended to hide in my room and not interact with my supervisor. Thankfully, work is picking up as we are preparing for the incoming and terminating housestaff. I’ve been making a bigger effort to build relationships with people, and interact more with my supervisor.

Edit: these days feel pretty sucky to me. I think I’ve been extra lonely because my best hometown girlfriend has a boyfriend now, and we barely hang out anymore. Although in the grand scheme of things, I am very fortunate. I told my coworkers I was going to NYC this weekend, and one of them responded, “you’re so lucky!”. These days have been more challenging, with more questions of “is it worth it to put up with this relationship” as I’m feeling pretty neglected and unhappy. But I know it’s the combination of things - feeling stagnant with my life, not as challenged at work (although work is sometimes quite enjoyable), not having my close friend around a lot, etc. 

Sometimes I look at how my bro and his wife just lounge and relax and go out on dates. And I think about how that different that is from my life with Matt. Everything between us is fast paced, we are always on the go, and tired. Today, I received notice that I got a speeding ticket in NOLA. I also received a fine from the car rental company. Driving there was stressful and tiring already. I was also a bit salty that I drove the entire trip, and no one offered to help out. This is my first ever speeding ticket and I’d hate to have to pay it fully. This news made me feel shittier. I tried to think of positive things, like that I randomly received a tax refund from 2016, and the check would cover my tickets almost exactly. And another positive thing was that I forgot my iPad on the plane and was able to get it back. Lastly, if these are the things I am sad about, then I have it pretty good. 

Second edit: I realize I feel better when I talk to friends/acquaintances/work friends about things. It helps put my situation into perspective. I was feeling like a victim regarding my parking ticket, but $140 isn’t bad compared to the $300-500 speeding tickets in LA. My work mom just laughed at me saying, you? speeding ticket? HAHAHA congratulations. It reminds me that I do take my life too seriously sometimes. My friends on the trip are also “donating” to this cause, so it also takes the load off and I appreciate it a lot. 

[miachi-chan]

Hanbin Scenario: Supportive Girlfriend

This was inspired by all the streaming I’ve been doing for their Bling Bling and B-Day MVs! This was long overdue but my laptop deleted everything and I only recently got the motivation to rewrite everything and get over that trauma. ANYWAYS, Enjoy! And sorry for any mistakes!!

It hadn’t been long since iKON finally dropped their 2 new MVs for their long-awaited comeback, and introduced and talked about them on their livestream on vlive. You watched the screen on your computer as it notified you that their comeback vlive had just ended, and you exited out of the screen. 

You were so happy for your boyfriend, Hanbin, and his teammates for finally returning to the Korean setting and being able to show everyone what they had been working so hard on. You were also very pleased to finally hear the songs that Hanbin had been seriously composing in his studio while you patiently waited for him to give you a little attention when he could spare a some time.

You remembered the days when you would beg him for a little sneak peak of the new songs that he was working on. But every time he would tell you that it wouldn’t be fair to their other fans if he let you have a little listen, since you were a fan yourself. At times he would say it was a surprise because he felt confident that they were really good songs and way better than the ones from their previous album.

There were times though when he was very close to allowing you to listen to a little spoiler when you would do your best aegyo or even make a deal with him, like giving him a full massage or several other things that you suggested in exchange to persuade him. Or maybe tempted was a better word.

But in the end, he never gave in to your temptations and stuck to his strict rule, evidently struggling to pull himself away and refuse. It was too bad for him because he was missing out on all the good things that you offered. Well, not as bad as you had it because you were dying to know how they sounded like for what felt like 15384 years.

But alas, the day had finally come! And you were so ecstatic at the moment that you immediately went into your secret fan accounts that Hanbin didn’t know of and read up on all the updates about iKON, and activities that iKONICs were doing as a fandom. 

You read one post that said that they will be doing a mass streaming event for both of their MVs to raise their views, and you were quick to switching tabs and opening up Youtube to join in on the fun.

After you set up multiple windows on your computer screen and played the music videos on each one, you searched around your room like a huntress for other devices that you could stream on as well.

You grabbed your iPad sitting on your bedside table, your laptop from your drawer, your old phone tucked away at the back of your cabinet, and finally your phone that was laying on your bed, then set them all up on your desk and streamed on them as well.

While the videos played, you took the chance to run to the kitchen (literally) to quickly grab anything and everything that could count as your dinner and midnight snacks because you were going to be up all night making your boyfriend and his brothers proud.

Swiftly making the gears in your head function, you thought about what else you needed to be comfortable. Pulling your blanket off of your bed, you wrapped it around you and settled in your chair.

You scoped your bedroom for anything else, and your eyes caught sight of your konbat sitting on top of your shelf, and you paused and thought to yourself, ‘well, why not?’ So you grabbed it and sang along to Bling bling that was currently playing on your phone.

But then, your phone suddenly started ringing, stopping the music in its tracks. The caller ID read Hanbin♥, and you fumbled to immediately take the call.

Hanbin was about to say hello but you unintentionally cut him off due to your excitement. “Hanbin-ah!” You gleefully called out to him into the phone.

He chuckled from the other end and said, “Hey, did you hear our songs already?”

“Of course! I’m listening to them right now. They’re so good! Really! You’re such a genius. I could listen to them all day.” Your words came out rushed and filled with enthusiasm that you could scream right now.

He laughed out loud then continued, “Did you watch our vlive?”

“Of course! I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. Do you know how long I’ve waited for your comeback?”

Hanbin was saying something in response but you lost focus when you noticed all the videos were ending all at once, and you tried to quickly restart them because time was of the essence!

You interrupted Hanbin and said, “Sorry, Hanbin-ah! I have to go. I’m really busy right now so I’ll talk to you soon!” Then you hung up and put your hands to work without delay.

Time flew by so fast that you didn’t realize that it had already turned midnight. You were concentrating so hard on keeping the videos going on all of your devices to increase the views as much as you can. 

Because you were so immersed in singing and dancing along to Bling Bling in your seat with your konbat in one hand, you didn’t notice that your front door to your apartment opened and that Hanbin was here, until his voice suddenly interrupted through your room.

“What are you doing right now?”

Every muscle in your body froze, your hand holding your konbat suspended in the air and your body hunched forward as you stared into the computer screen with wide eyes.

You slowly turned your head around and saw Hanbin standing in the doorway of your bedroom, one hand still gripping the doorknob and his mouth slightly ajar. You hesitantly looked him in his eyes guiltily as your hand slowly lowered, and found the evident shock in his features from the sight of his own girlfriend avidly fangirling over him and his group members.

You couldn’t even imagine how shocking you looked to him right now. You were wrapped in your fluffy blanket, wearing your penguin pajamas with your hair pulled up messily at the top of your head and your konbat in one hand, with all your devices surrounding you, streaming Bling Bling and B-Day. Not to mention a combination of food, drinks and trash were messily scattered on your desk.

You timidly smiled at him and nervously and quietly said, “Hanbin, you’re here?”

He stood there without any sort of movement, staring at you with wide eyes for a solid 10 seconds while you felt the color in your face drain with every second, before he spoke again, “Y/n, what are you doing?”

You quickly stood up from your seat, letting your blanket fall into the floor and quickly explained, “I was just streaming your music videos repeatedly to increase the views. All of this,” you motioned to your devices, “I’m streaming on them too to make it times 2! And just now—” you lifted your konbat and glanced at it then quietly continued,“—I was just excited because they finally came out and it’s super good and it’s just so exciting. I just couldn’t help myself from dancing and singing along to it…” You trailed off as you hesitantly took a peak at your boyfriend.

His expression didn’t change but slowly, he asked you, “Over the phone when you said you were busy, was it because you were doing this?” He gestured to your mess behind you.

Immediately, you jutted out your bottom lip into a small pout as shut your eyes tightly and clasped your hands together. “I’m sorry, Hanbin-ah! I’m sorry for hanging up on you, but I had to help out to raise the views of your MVs. It’s to repay you guys for all your hard work! This was the least that we could do for you...”

You nervously stared at him and nervously bit your lip as you waited for any kind of response to replace this blank stare looking into your guilty soul.

Suddenly, Hanbin burst out laughing, leaving you frozen in your spot in shock. He couldn’t stop laughing and he was already kneeling on the ground with his hand clenching his stomach.

“Hanbin…” You called out to him worriedly, hesitantly reaching out to him but finding yourself unable to. Had your boyfriend finally gone crazy? Did you finally trigger the switch?

He waved his hand in the air as if saying that it was nothing, and his laughter finally died down. He stood back up while wiping the tears that had formed in his eyes.

“Are you okay?” You asked him carefully, fidgeting in place.

He nodded, a helpless smile left on his lips and eyes full of affection as he raked his fingers through his hair in defeat.

“You are really…” He started but finished with a sigh. He closed the distance between you in a flash then pulled you into him abruptly for a hug, leaving you frozen in surprise.

His arm that was circled over your shoulders moved down to wrap around your waist and pull you tighter against his chest. He buried his face into the crook of your neck and inhaled slowly.

Your body finally relaxed in his familiar embrace and scent, and your arms went around him to hug him back.

He sighed in content then murmured into your neck, sending tingles down your spine, “I love you.”

You couldn’t help but smile. Tears stung your eyes from the fullness you felt in your heart just from that one line and gesture. People didn’t just fall in love once, because right now you were sure you fell in love with Hanbin all over again just from that one line and gesture.

He pulled away just a little bit to look into your eyes, his arms never leaving you. “What did I do to ever deserve you?” He looked at you in wonder and with so much affection that it hurt your heart. In a good way.

“Funny you ask that,” You responded as you leaned your forehead against his. “I was wondering the same thing about you.”

You both giggled then continued to stare into each other’s eyes.

He broke the comfortable silence playfully, “I know you have a fully packed schedule right now, but can you possibly make time for me right now?” You giggled at that then he added more solemnly, “I’ve missed you so much, and I’ll be busy again after this.” The smile on his face faded and you felt his fingers squeeze your waist ever so lightly.

You cupped his cheek then replied, “Of course.” Then you smiled up at him. “Always.” You wrapped your arms around him again and pulled him closer.

[mamaneedsabigidea]

Things that Help #1

There are a lot of words on this blog about the emotional, psychological and metaphysical experience of being a mother and a creative at the same time. But I just realized I haven’t really shared much of the down-and-dirty details of how the hell you make this work.

The good news is that it’s only taken me 3.25 years to pull together a few pieces of concrete practical advice that might help you. I hope. (An obligatory disclaimer: This is what works for my family and my family is not your family and I am not you and this might be stupid advice you’ve already heard and really what do these dumb little life hacks matter in the face of the fact that, in the scheme of all things, we are all just insignificant flashes of light in a vast swath of interstellar darkness...ahem.) Money

I hope this does not come off as the most obvious and obnoxious thing to say. But I’m not being flippant, I swear. One of the advantages of being a working parent is you have more money than you would if you didn’t work. A friend once told me, “Don’t be afraid to throw money at the problem.” And she’s absolutely right. Childcare is expensive. Prepared food is expensive. But they are way less expensive than the long-term costs of leaving the workforce. Your time has value, too. And, since having Seraphina, I realize that time is really the one thing there’s never enough of. So yeah, if you can buy yourself a few more moments in the day, do it.

Help

You cannot do this alone. If you try, you will hate your life and you will fail. If I have one regret about the first year of Seraphina’s life, it’s that I rarely accepted the help people offered me.

Whenever someone offered to watch the baby or do something for me, this little voice would start jabbering in my head, whispering things like “They don’t really mean it, they’re just being nice, you don’t want to burden them, what if she poops, what if she poops on them while they are holding her, what if she simultaneously poops and pukes all over them and they hate you and your child and will never talk to you again.” If you have a voice like that, tell it to shut up. People like babies. They want to help. They love feeling useful.

Don’t be like me. Accept the help people offer you. Ask for help when you need it. People love you.

(And if the baby pukes and poops on them at the same time, you will all laugh about it someday and when your kid is an adult, your friend will be all like ‘haha, you puked and pooped on me once when you are a baby.’ It’s going to be great. Seraphina once peed all over my friend’s upholstered chaise lounge and we are still friends. I think. (Hi, Ellen, I love you.))

Of course, you’re going to need more significant help than friends holding your kid or bringing you dinners. You are going to need HELP. Like help that you pay for. (Unless you have a local family member who is dying to care for your child full-time, in which case I envy you with the fire of a thousand burning suns.)

The good news is that you have lots of options. You can hire a nanny. You can find a great daycare. I ended up doing both.

Seraphina goes to daycare for most of the day, but a loving, wonderful, magical woman named Maggie picks her up at 4:15 and stays with her until I get home from work. They play, they do art, they read books in Polish -- and I don’t have to stress about racing a clock while my kid is sitting all alone, the last one on the playground.

It’s really the most awesome setup. But I never would have thought of it myself. One day when I was pregnant, I was bitching to a co-worker about how neither a nanny or a daycare felt totally right. She said “Why don’t you do both?” I looked at her and actually said out loud, “WAIT ARE YOU ALLOWED TO DO THAT?” Turns out, you are. You’re allowed to do whatever the hell you need to do to make it work.

In the last three years, to make it work, I have had to:

Bring a co-worker to babysit my 11-month-old while I was in a pitch

Leave my husband to solo parent for almost two weeks

Sit my kid in the pitch room with an iPad for most of a Saturday

Post a cry for help on FB for last-minute help

Fly my sister in from Arizona to babysit for three hours

But it has always, always worked out. And, as I drove S to school this morning, she was singing and happy and seems to be not terribly broken. (Though when I went to kiss her goodbye, she did sneeze directly into my mouth because children are disgusting.) This YouTube Video

Yes, it’s cheesy. Yes, the outfits capture pretty much every crime of the ‘80s. Yes the boy in the last scene looks entirely too old to be sitting on his grandmother’s lap. But, when I had to travel for work, I would watch it with Seraphina before I left. And she would watch it almost every day while I was gone. And yes, to tell the truth, sometimes I would watch it in my hotel room while I was gone and cry and cry, but I’m maudlin like that. Now that she’s three, she needs to watch it less, because, yep, she’s realized that mommy comes back. And probably she’s also realized that when mommy is gone daddy lets her watch all the Bubble Guppies she can handle and that’s pretty awesome too.

Clothing Subscription Boxes

I really, truly would be naked without Stitch Fix. I was never a big fan of shopping, but now that I’m a mom, an uninterrupted hour to stand alone in a dressing room is an unimaginable luxury. If you’re a stylish person who enjoys shopping, that’s what the Internet is for. But if, like me, you don’t love it, why not outsource the job to someone who is better at it than you? When you sign up, you tell them what size and shape and colors you are, you tell them what you like and don’t like, you tell them how much money you’re willing to spend. And then, like magic, a box of five things shows up on your doorstep. Try it on at home after the kid is already asleep, package up everything you don’t want, and drop it in the mailroom on your way into work the next day. It has made my life so much easier. And sometimes, when I am feeling very very fancy, I will get a shipment from Trunk Club. Which is just like Stitch Fix, except all of the clothes come from Nordstrom, which means they are very nice but expensive, so I only do it a few times a year and feel very fancy when I do.

Bringing Your Kid to Work Sometimes

There are times you might have to, because your nanny is sick or because daycare is closed for a teacher workday. But you should also bring the kid by sometimes just because it’s fun to show off the little creature you made. And they will LOVE coming to your office. They will love being treated like a tiny little superstar and they will love it when your co-workers talk to them in that weird voice we all reserve for cute kids. They will love touching all the crap on your desk and playing with the random toy you got from some production company and they will marvel at all the snacks you are surrounded by and they will get jacked up on sugar and have the time of their life. And I think it really does help them to know where you are when you are not with them.

To Be Continued...

This post is a novella at least, so I’m going to stop before it becomes the War and Peace of personal blogging. But I don’t want to wait until S is 6 before I share anything useful, so from now on, I’ll pop up a thing that helps whenever I think of it. And, if you have things that help, please tell me. Please. I’ll take all the help I can get.

[kytalyst]

First Year Med Tips

What’s a more pleasing way to start again than posting something quite relevant to the community right? (hahaha) 

Anyway, are you an incoming first year med student? or do you have any plans to enter med school soon? well, you might have stumbled on the right post (lol, not really, but humor me please? hahaha)

To start off, I wanted to post something like this because I know how much of a stress it is to start into something without any idea on what’s totally going on. And because I was once in your shoes, struggling to have any some sort of information on what med school really is and just plain tips or advice from someone. 

Disclaimer: I may have passed my first year but it doesn’t mean that I’m in the top 10 of my batch. I’m just your regular struggling med student and in no way a genius (like some of my classmates) but I could offer you some advice or tips to cope up with med school here in the Philippines as an incoming first year student and to show you a glimpse on what to really expect. 

First Year Subjects:

Basic Biomedical Sciences

Gross Anatomy

Bring your reference book for your dissection just so you wouldn’t get lost along the way. I highly recommend Netter’s as an amazing reference. Also, if you can, invest in a 100 pcs glove box for your group, as well as masks it would be less a hassle to buy one every session (trust me, saves you more time to work ahead at the laboratory). Label your materials (it will be used for the whole year, label them so that they would not get lost and for you not to buy another one when you lost your scalpel or etc.)

Histology

Read in advance your laboratory exercise, it will be helpful for you. It would also guide you on what slides you’ll take. Research ahead on what the slides look like so you’ll have an idea on what to label and draw ahead. Don’t forget to bring your coloring materials. Color pencils, highlighters, fine liners help a lot in making sure your drawings look good.

Basic Neurosciences

Be familiar with everything, during laboratory, make sure that you know where the gyrus and sulcus are. Don’t forget to take a photo of everything and label on them. 

Phyisology

If you’re a visual and audio learner like me, it would be helpful for you to search up some videos in the internet after a lecture. NinjaNerd is a very helpful reference for your physio topics. (istg!! I owe 50% of my learnings from him)

Embryology

If you go to the same school as me, read on the chapter summary. It will help you have a general idea about it. Reading the whole chapter helps you familiarize but the summary is enough. 

Basic Radiology

Review the powerpoint slides by your lecturers! Take some time to actually read and review them not just during your exams, this will help you a lot since they are mostly diagrams and scans. 

Family and Community Medicine 1

- Go to class. Don’t take this for granted. The subject is really nice to keep you grounded on what are really the main issues in the community that are related to health. It will help you appreciate the work of a family and community physician. You will be mostly doing paper works in this so team up with classmates who are actually hardworking and that helps you in work load. 

Patient-Doctor Relations 1

- This is actually super fun. You get to have your first hospital exposure but only at the out-patient department. You will be taught on how to take a patient’s history. And if you are a socially awkward person like me (whose premed is biology and have no background on this) try to observe your classmates (especially the nurses) and if possible ask help if you have any difficulty. It will only be difficult at the first try but once you get the hang of it then you’ll be able to ace it. It’s not always that you get to take a patient’s history tho, it would only be 2-4 times this year, but hey it’s still good practice right? Try to follow the format given by your professor and do not just rely on your classmate’s history taking, make it your own so you’ll know how to make one. 

1. Don’t be absent. Attendance in college may not be a huge deal for some universities but in med school? it is HUGE. (at least in my school) Attendance is checked every activity and every lecture (trust me, I was the class beadle). The reason why I tell you this is that, it will help a lot on your image to your professors. It shows that you are serious enough to attend your classes. (Even if you think you’ve covered this topic in your undergrad, still attend your classes, you’ll never know what things will your lecturer emphasize and possibly where he/she get questions for your exams)

2. Take notes. Lectures in Med school usually span for 1.5-3 hours depending on what the topic is all about. To keep yourself awake, one tip would be to take down notes, (may it be in pen or paper / electronically with your ipad or laptop!) trust me, it will help you during finals or exams to know what were the things emphasized by your lecturer.

3. Participate and Perform in Laboratories. Most of the subjects under BBS have laboratories (except for embryology). Try to make sure that you know every exercise and that you would not waste your laboratory period. This is because this will help you during your OSCEs or your Objective Structured Clinical Examinations. 

4. Make your Small Group Discussions interactive. Use visual aids, like powerpoints, flashcards, quiz bowls, etc. Some facilitators may not be the fun type but most of the facilitators would appreciate on you simplifying the topic for your groupmates (BUT please make sure not to skip on important details). 

5. Plot your school activities and exams. Med School is very fast paced, you tend to have long quizzes every monday and sometimes it gets really draining.That’s why I highly suggest to take note and plot in your calendar when will your bimonthlies start, this would give you an idea on how many days there is left before you start reviewing for it. 

6. Always take a photo and label! I’ve said this once, and I will say it again. Don’t be a lazy ass (like me, who only do this when I feel like it TT)  This is applicable to your laboratories, especially in histology and anatomy. When you have your lab exercise, always make sure that you get the slide that your teacher emphasized, have a photo of every slide and label it on that night. trust me. this will help you in your practical exams. And don’t forget to ask for help especially to your professors and classmates. 

7. Find an outlet. It would get really suffocating at times when you are bombed with all these school works. And so I suggest to find an outlet, go to the gym, watch a youtube video or two every once in a while. So that you wouldn’t feel too choked by all these academic stress. 

8. Keep all your notes by Bimonthly. Trust me on this, buy a big envelope and place all your notes and transes once the bimonthlies are over. This would really help you for finals so that you wouln’t be looking for all your scattered notes and print them again. Save the environment. 

9. You don’t need to buy all your books. If you know someone from the upperclassmen, ask for a pdf copy of your books. The books really cost around 3-5,000 pesos each and it would be a pain in your wallet or parent’s wallet. (Or if you can afford it then it’s also alright with me tho hehe) But for me, you don’t really need to buy all of them, if you don’t want to. Befriend an upper classmen or two then ask for a pdf.

10. You are not alone. (oooh scary jk but you get me right?) You are still at an adjusting phase. First year brings a shock to most people on how med school really works. And I guess a good advice that I could tell you is that you are not alone. Your classmates and friends are also going through this. Everyone is struggling in med school (I still am) and that’s ok. You’ll find your groove soon enough (hopefully me too). Don’t be in a rush and don’t pressure yourself too much, just take things one day at a time. One task at a time. There will be days that you feel so bad that you don’t want to do anything and that’s ok, find someone to talk to, vent out what your feeling, contact your mentor, go to the gym, bake a cake, then move on. Make your bad day into good.

I’m not sure if these are enough but if you do have any questions feel free to dm me. And don’t forget that you are still a work in progress. Things will get really rough and that is because you are growing to become a skilled and good physician. If you’re not struggling then maybe you’re not really learning? (lol what? hahahaha idk) but really, just trust the process. You can do it! I believe in you! 

[remynuma]

Apple's TV strategy: a closer look at an emerging theory

Apple is only a few months away from releasing the first of its scripted original programming, the final step in an endeavor that is costing the company at least $1 billion per year and will add more scripted programming to a crowded landscape.

Even so, observers are divided about Apple's strategy and distribution method. The most popular theory is that Apple's programming will be available as a subscription service, at some unspecified price, and possibly bundled with other Apple subscriptions. This is by far the most discussed by analysts, the entertainment and technology press, and commentators. Others have argued that Apple will offer a free service to boost Apple TV hardware sales. Both of these theories suggest Apple can either increase its service revenue or offer free content to strengthen its hardware ecosystem.

Recently, a different theory has emerged, arguing that it's possible for Apple to increase its service revenue, while also offering its original programming for free. By offering free programming, Apple will encourage the users of its 1.4 billion active devices to use its TV platform by default, then purchase more subscriptions with Apple. If that works, Apple will increase its overall television service revenue without competing in a brutal SVOD landscape, and increase Apple TV hardware sales at the same time. Those are two large and unique sources of growth.

This theory has not yet reached a critical mass. The best source I could read was a CNBC article which provides an outline of the idea with quotes from anonymous Apple sources. The Information publishes rumors that suggest either a paid or free service. Media analyst Rich Greenfield (follow him on Twitter) has written a blog post, but it's only available to corporate clients. In my view, it's the strategy that's most likely to succeed, so I've written my own basic analysis.

This report explains why the most established theories don't add up, how a better model would work, and what that means for Apple and the industry.

This report is also available on LinkedIn.

The established theories, and why they don't sound right

1. Apple's originals will be available for a subscription fee (the service revenue theory)

Tim Cook is clearly interested in building service revenue, and given the success of Netflix and Amazon Prime, the idea that Apple would join the market with a similar television subscription service seems to makes sense. The theory goes that Apple's originals will be available as part of an SVOD service, where customers pay a recurring fee. The service will either be available on its own or bundled with other Apple media services like Apple Music, maybe iCloud storage and/or its rumored news and games services. Apple creates a media-focused competitor to Prime, directly increasing its service revenue.

The problem is that Apple is joining the market late. Netflix has 137 million subscribers and feels confident enough that it can charge more without a significant number of them leaving. Prime is at 100 million globally, with a rumored 26 million US subscribers watching video. Hulu's at 23 million and only operates in the US, but there's a Hulu in several crucial markets (e.g. the UK's Now TV, which promotes itself as an on-demand service, and Australia's Stan), and niche competitors as well. Apple was late to music streaming and is doing well, but Spotify only owned a small market in 2015. The streaming video market is already much larger.

Even if that weren't an issue, Apple's investment looks different to the dominant SVOD services. First, at the rumored $1 billion per year, Apple is investing much less in original productions than its competitors. Netflix spends $13 billion, Amazon spends $5 billion, and Hulu spends more than $2.5 billion. There are rumors that Apple's investment is higher than $1 billion, and given the deals they're signing with everyone from Justin Lin to A24, it probably is. But consider the projects that Apple has confirmed so far:

Apple will have far fewer titles to offer than its competitors. The company is announcing ~1-3 projects per month, so we can assume a similar release schedule. That puts Apple's schedule in the same league as Prime and Hulu for original series, but nowhere near Netflix. It also won't have any of the original productions that are already available on all three services. In Netflix's case, that's 700+  series and 200+ movies, while Prime and Hulu have 100+ original titles to offer in total.

At launch, the originals issue is more complicated. Apple won't want to release any of its original series simultaneously, because doing so would waste months of free publicity and promotion for each series. With only one original title to offer (Amazing Stories started shooting in December and the Witherspoon/Aniston project joined a few weeks later, so it will probably be one of those), it's hard to imagine subscribers choosing to take up a $10ish subscription, or a much more expensive Apple bundle.

Netflix, Prime, and Hulu all started with one original series, but they boosted the extensive libraries of acquired content that each service has offered since its inception. If Apple had a large library to debut with its service, then the lack of originals would matter less, but Apple hasn't acquired a studio or made a deal to distribute any movies or television series that have already premiered elsewhere. There's nothing to indicate that they're on the verge of taking those steps.

I can't see a pathway where Apple only offers its original programming in a paid service and/or bundle. It's possible that Apple will offer additional benefits to subscribers of an 'Apple Prime,' like 4K streaming or the ability to watch every episode at once, but that's a messy product strategy.

2. Apple's originals will be free (the unit sales theory)

Apple wants to own the living room, and Apple TV sales are crucial in achieving that goal. Recent data suggests that Apple is doing well with 4K TV owners, but in the overall market, Apple lags behind products from Roku, Chromecast, and Amazon. In order to increase its share, Apple can either launch new products (which they're apparently doing) and/or invest in advertising. One great way to advertise is with exclusive programming.

The idea is that Apple would release its originals for free through the Apple TV app, which is already available on iPhone, iPad and the Apple TV. Viewers can watch the show on their personal iOS devices, but if they want to see them on a big screen, they'll need the Apple TV hardware. As each original is released, Apple gets another opportunity to tell a large, global viewing audience that the Apple TV is the only place to enjoy its buzzy new shows, and an increase in hardware sales should follow.

A free service would eliminate budget and content acquisition issues. Just about everyone with an iOS device has an Apple ID, so getting new users into the TV app on iOS won't require a large content library. As for purchasing an Apple TV, the more originals, the better the chance that the strategy works, but Apple will be releasing shows frequently enough that consumers could reasonably feel like the investment is worthwhile.

This plan is logical, but incomplete. First, $1 billion+ is a lot of money to spend to advertise one device in Apple's ecosystem. Apple spent $1.8 billion total on advertising in 2015, and while that number will have grown, the iPhone is likely draining most of that budget. Second, while AirPlay is not a substitution for the Apple TV, if Apple's goals with television were only to increase hardware sales, it would be counterintuitive to launch AirPlay on a range of other devices, which Apple did three weeks ago. Finally, Cook says Apple is thinking about television as a service, which is incompatible with this approach.

A better strategy: increase overall service revenue with free original programming

The conventional wisdom is that Apple must charge a subscription fee for its original programming in order to increase its service revenue. But as the video streaming market grows, Apple has an opportunity to take a cut from users' subscriptions to many third-party video services. That's a better strategy than joining the SVOD market because it's more closely aligned with Apple's long-term goals.

Apple already earns subscription revenue from TV services

Apple currently offers the ability to purchase subscriptions to TV services via in-app purchases on the App Store. The list of services includes Hulu, Prime Video, HBO, Showtime, Starz, ESPN+, CBS All Access, AMC Premiere, and Fox Nation, along with cable bundles like Fubo, the ad-free version of YouTube, and a raft of niche TV products. Netflix stopped offering in-app subscriptions this month, but Apple is still collecting revenue from existing users there, too. For each service, Apple says it takes 30% of the subscription price in the first year, and 15% thereafter, but for the major services, it's more likely that Apple is simply taking 15% from the beginning.

It's impossible to say how much revenue Apple is making from video subscriptions, except that it's a driver of their $10.88 billion in service revenue last quarter. But for the sake of argument, let's do some very rough back-of-the-envelope math. If you use current subscriber numbers for six large standalone services on the App Store, assume that about 25% of those subscribers are doing so through Apple, then take a 15% cut from the average subscription price, you end up with a lot of money:

Again, this is a rough analysis. I'm generously assuming, for example, that Netflix sells all three plans in equal proportions, and that 25% of users across all six services have subscribed through Apple. Those assumptions are almost certainly wrong. I'm including the numbers here merely to give you a sense of how quickly that 15% cut adds up. In this scenario, Apple's earning approximately $0.5 billion in annual revenue, in the U.S. market, excluding heavy-hitters like YouTube and ESPN. The global figure, including all services, will easily add up to over $1 billion.

Even with that wide range of services and an enormous user base, Apple remains just one of many companies offering users subscriptions. Here's the range of purchase methods for the same six services:

Every time a user purchases a subscription through one of the non-Apple platforms shown above, Apple is missing out on service revenue. At a hypothetical $1 billion+ in annual revenue for 25% of all users, Apple stands to earn billions more depending on its market penetration. To be clear, no matter what Apple does to increase its subscription revenue, it will struggle to reach users in the Google or Amazon ecosystems. But that still leaves a lot of people who either don't subscribe to these services now or purchased them through a provider like Hulu or DirecTV Now.

The SVOD market is about to grow dramatically

Apple's television service revenue opportunity is about to get significantly larger. Disney and Warner will launch fully-fledged global SVOD products by the end of the year. NBCUniversal is still married to cable, but it will offer a direct-to-consumer option in the US and Europe by the end of next year. AMC Premiere requires cable, but its parent company has experience with niche SVOD services. And both Viacom and Discovery are considering launching their own offerings. Put it all together with the existing range of services, and you get a crowded US entertainment landscape:

If Disney, Warner, and NBC are all serious about competing with Netflix, and assuming they agree to a 15% cut from Apple, then Apple's global television service revenue will skyrocket. It's likely already at over $1 billion per year, so the potential earnings from existing SVOD subscribers are worth fighting for.

Remember that there are also 93.8 million homes in the U.S. and 69.2 million homes in Europe with a traditional cable television subscription. When the cable bundle crumbles, those subscribers will still want a way to watch movies and television. They'll add more services to fill the void.

In short, Apple's revenue opportunity is enormous.

Apple is building a TV supermarket

Apple can take further advantage of the impending TV landscape by making it as easy as possible for its users to sign up for more subscriptions. That's exactly what it's doing with the Apple TV app.

The Apple TV app already offers a compelling all-in-one experience. The app allows users to find and track movies, TV series, and sports across all of the major SVOD, cable, and free video apps available on iOS and Apple TV, except Netflix. Apple provides curated recommendations to help users discover new shows across those services. In the clearest indication yet of Apple's originals strategy, it is also the home of Carpool Karaoke, an unscripted series which moved from Apple Music after its first season.

The TV app is widely available. It's preinstalled on every iPhone, iPad and Apple TV running iOS 10 and up in ten countries. Apple doesn't say how many users have the app installed, but they serve 1.4 billion active devices, 900 million of which are iPhones. Even when making conservative guesses about the number of active iPads and Apple TVs, iOS adoption rates, and the number of users in those territories (let's call it 30%), you end up with a ballpark of 300 million devices. Apple has a strong start in television streaming.

Apple also has stronger relationships with its partners than similar products. Its most direct competitor is Amazon Channels, which offers subscriptions and playback directly in its Prime Video apps. Apple's advantage is that it integrates recommendations from Hulu, cable services, and a wide range of free apps, including the major free networks in key markets, but that advantage will dissipate as Amazon continues to pursue its strategy. Meanwhile, Google also offers in-app purchases through its app store, but is yet to offer an integrated TV experience. It's stuck in cable land with YouTube TV, which performs well with users looking for a cheaper live TV package, but is hovering around 1 million subscribers.

The future of the Apple TV app

For Apple's TV aggregator to work in the long run, it needs to persuade new partners that integrating with the TV app will grow their businesses. In particular, Apple needs to show Disney, Warner, and NBCU that it's providing value in exchange for a 15% cut from every subscription. Apple's best case is that it promotes programming from a wide variety of sources, then offers a simple way to subscribe to them. Most Apple TV app users already have credit card information stored with Apple, so signing up for a new subscription takes less than 30 seconds. Convincing the studios is a big challenge, and I wouldn't be surprised to see at least one of the major services circumvent Apple's business model. But Apple has a compelling product to offer its partners, all of which are looking for ways to reach a large subscriber base quickly.

In the current iteration of the app, adding a subscription for a video service is somewhat indirect. Users select an episode, leave the TV app, download the third-party app, sign up for an account, confirm a subscription with Apple, then use the third-party app's menu to select the episode again. In total, it's a nine step process.

Apple can reduce that complexity by:

eliminating the need to purchase a subscription within the third-party app

integrating video playback into the TV app.

Ideally, users should only need to find an episode, select the service, confirm the price, then start watching. That's a much quicker process to follow:

Reducing the friction between selecting an episode and watching it will encourage more users to subscribe to more services.

In addition to integrated subscriptions and playback, Apple has a range of options to improve the TV app experience:

Overall ease of use: The TV app's ability to tracks programming across many sources also makes it more complex. Users will often find that a series is available on several services, each with a different price point. Some shows are only available with cable, some can only be purchased through iTunes. Apple's deal with Amazon is also confusing: many shows appear to be available on Prime Video, but only with an add-on that can't be purchased with Apple. All of these concessions make a platform like Netflix the simpler and cheaper option for many, and that's a huge threat to Apple's strategy. Apple needs to fix this to thrive.

Mac support: the TV app doesn't work on macOS, a platform that millions of SVOD subscribers use to watch videos. With no native apps for Mac from any of the services, solving this problem will take years. Apple can either aggressively pursue native app development once it launches Marzipan or give up and go to the web.

Personalized recommendations: a job for John Giannandrea. A recommendation algorithm would help Apple target new shows to users just like Netflix does. Apple has already implemented a similar feature with its weekly Apple Music mixes, so it's likely developing a similar feature for TV.

Bundled subscriptions: Apple is participating in the downfall of the cable bundle, but consumers still want ways to pay less for a wide range of programming. Apple could work with TV services to offer discounted bundles. That proposal is particularly likely to appeal to companies like AMC and Starz, which don't have the same content volume and marketing budgets as the major studios.

Cross-service autoplay: if Apple can convince third-party services to allow playback within the TV app, then it would also have the ability to automatically play content from different services at the conclusion of a movie/show. That would help TV services attract and retain users who are unfamiliar with their content.

Free programming: the major services all provide free trials to new customers, but Apple could also offer selected episodes from third-party services for free. Combined with cross-service autoplay, this feature would be a powerful aid for services looking to attract new users.

Some of the proposed new features above, like tighter integration of subscriptions and free programming, should be reasonably easy to pull off, and recent reporting suggests that Apple is already working with the major services on that move.

Integrated playback and/or cross-service autoplay are much bigger asks. There is some precedent: cable viewers and users of streaming platforms like Hulu and Amazon Channels can view programming from HBO, Showtime, and/or Starz directly within those platforms' apps and alongside other content. For example, a Prime user with Showtime can watch Homeland within the Prime app, then see a recommendation for Amazon's Jack Ryan. But persuading the studios to do the same, especially when they are all investing billions of dollars into streaming technology and content recommendation algorithms, is going to be a much more difficult task.

Apple will benefit from implementing any one of the features suggested above, and its best argument in persuading partners to accept the changes is also the TV app's biggest weakness: Netflix will not be part of it. Netflix's lack of participation has been a big problem for user adoption so far, and will be a big drag on revenue in the future. But Apple can tell Netflix's competitors that by including their service in the TV app, Apple will give users a better selection of programming than Netflix ever can, encouraging users to subscribe to Netflix less frequently or abandon it.

To be clear, I don't think Apple has an objection to Netflix's success. In the revenue analysis above, Apple already takes hundreds of millions of dollars from Netflix subscribers who signed up before it stopped offering in-app purchases. Re-integrating with Apple's subscriptions platform would improve that figure. Nonetheless, without Netflix's participation, Apple will find it easier to persuade competitors to get on board.

Original programming is the supermarket's loss-leader

With integrated subscriptions and the new features discussed above, Apple is building an impressive TV supermarket. The next step is to get more users to walk through the front door. That's where original programming comes in.

You've already read a lot about Apple's talent deals and acquisitions (most recently, a television deal with Jason Katims and a new Sofia Coppola movie starring Bill Murray and Rashida Jones), but it's worth summarizing Apple's steps so far to see where it's headed:

Experienced executives: Apple hired Jamie Erlicht and Zack Van Amburg, two seasoned development execs previously responsible for Breaking Bad and The Crown, instead of handing new responsibilities to its current team.

A-list talent: Apple has acquired projects from Steven Spielberg, Reece Witherspoon, Damien Chazelle, Oprah Winfrey, and Kevin Durant, some of whom are making their television debuts. It's also bringing stars like Jennifer Aniston and Steve Carell back to television for the first time in over a decade.

Global development: Apple hired Morgan Wandell last year to oversee its international efforts, and that's culminated in deals to develop programming from India, Japan/Korea, France, and Ireland.

Broad and family-friendly programming: Apple wants "high-quality shows with stars and broad appeal, but it doesn’t want gratuitous sex, profanity or violence." In other words, expensive NBC. That might sound like an insult to some, but NBC was the highest-rated network in America last year.

Those moves all point to programming that will attract a wide and global audience. By offering originals that can be watched by anybody, Apple gets the best possible opportunity to persuade users to start with the TV app ahead of any other service. This isn't because of some cultural aversion to adult themes (Apple Music offers a ton of uncensored content to paid subscribers) but it doesn't make sense to focus on the same type of programming that airs on HBO when you're pushing shows to 300 million devices. Apple's partnerships with HBO and other third-party services ensure it has edgier content for viewers who want it.

The distribution method is already clear. As mentioned above, Apple releases new episodes of Carpool Karaoke every Friday on the Apple TV app. Apple sends push notifications to TV app users to alert them about new episodes, which are available within the app itself. The show is free to watch, as long as you have an Apple ID. Episodes are ad-free and available in up to 4K resolution. Apple might change some of those variables when it launches its scripted programming, but Carpool is a solid demonstration of the basics.

Original programming is the final piece of the puzzle in Apple's overall strategy:

With four big incentives to use the service and a goal to make the TV app the default viewing experience for users in its ecosystem, Apple will hope for two outcomes: more service profit, and more Apple TV unit sales.

Outcome #1: Apple increases service profit

Apple can expect to increase its service profit, primarily because it will continue to take a substantial cut from subscriptions. It won't deal with the same challenges as SVOD providers, who have higher costs and more competition.

1. Increase service revenue

Apple's quest for service revenue leads many to believe that Apple's originals won't be free, but the two concepts aren't mutually exclusive. By taking a 15% cut from every subscription (even a lower cut would suffice), and encouraging users to take up more services when new companies enter the market, Apple can expect to see its overall service revenue rise.

There's too many variables to make an informed estimate of Apple's potential earnings, but consider Apple's position on a per user basis:

In this hypothetical, where User A takes just one major service consistently and samples two lower-priced services throughout the year, Apple makes more revenue than those two. That's a great outcome for a company that isn't directly competing in the SVOD landscape.

2. Avoid SVOD challenges

Service X may take the highest amount of revenue in the scenario above, but it also has the highest costs. In fact, any major service competing for paid viewers will need to spend invest more than Apple to survive. In the existing landscape, Netflix, Prime, and Hulu are spending a combined $20.5 billion per year on content, and that's before you consider Disney, Warner, and NBCU. Apple's services profit will increase not just because it's taking a cut from TV companies, but because it's not spending as much as they will.

Even if all of the services can afford to invest in programming, they're going to compete in what will start out as an enormous field. Apple is wisely choosing not to become yet another competitor in that landscape:

As a subscription competitor, Apple would spend more and make less, all because it went after the same growth that Netflix has already achieved. As a subscription platform, it takes unique advantage of its strong ecosystem, and sets itself up to survive even when other streaming services fail.

Finally, by staying out of the SVOD business, Apple won't be subject to the same revenue fluctuations that TV companies will. As more services launch, many users will switch between services to keep their budgets consistent. Returning to the revenue diagram above, when User A drops Service Y in favour of Service Z, it's a major problem for Service Y, which needs revenue to stay in business. Since Apple takes revenue from Service Y and Service Z, it takes a minor hit in Month 3, but it collects either way.

Outcome #2: Apple strengthens Apple TV unit sales

Apple's TV app is likely to remain available exclusively on the Apple TV. It still makes a lot of strategic sense to offer high-budget and highly-anticipated entertainment on your own platforms, and Apple can expect to see a rise in Apple TV hardware sales by making that programming exclusive. It would also be impossible for Apple to offer features like integrated subscriptions and episode tracking on any other platform.

To a lesser extent, originals will boost the entire Apple hardware ecosystem. iOS users may not subscribe to other platforms or buy an Apple TV, but they're still getting a sizable collection of free exclusive programming. That gives them another reason to stick with Apple, and Android users a small incentive to switch. Again, Apple's challenge is to find a way to bring the TV app to the Mac, but iPhone, iPad, and Apple TV sales will all be aided by this approach.

Conclusion

How do you get rich in a gold rush? You sell pickaxes. Netflix, the film studios, and all their niche competitors can try and strike it big, but if Apple is able to carry out the ambitious strategy that's detailed in this report, it has the potential not only to fulfill its service revenue mandate, but establish itself as a powerful gatekeeper in the TV market. That's the best possible outcome for Cupertino.

If you would like to talk further about this piece or my career, please get in touch on LinkedIn or Twitter. You can also find previous reports on LinkedIn or remynuma.com.

[meisanart]

Where is our time gone?

Today we are going to talk about where the time goes, it’s actually normal because our time is usually spent on social activities or Watching TV, maybe watching YouTube videos or other things.

Or we go to consume other things like other people’s books, for example we read books or we consume various things, watching TV, watching YouTube, watching video clips, watching people’s status feed

Even this post. This is how we consume other people’s media that are input from other people. Therefore we don’t have time to produce our own input, it makes us feel that when we’re run out of time.

What to do next? When we Lost with all these things, have we ever counted how much Screen time we spent and how much time we spend on mobile screens, iPad screens, TV screens, and all of those.

How many time you do do your own things in the real world

We spent time like this without our knowledge and made us feel that “Why is time left so little?”

It doesn’t seem to have time to do anything that is personal to you. This problem is not just you. Other people are facing same problems.

Everyone wants to know the lives of others, want to know what other people are like, want to know what society is like, how are they? Go to read the news, read comments in Pantip or read Facebook Until we lose a lot of time,

One day may take at least 3-4 hours for us to look at the screen to check the status feed of others or see the timeline. Keep going, waste a lot of time there, instead of having to do your stuff, do we take the time to produce our own work? And then post it to other people for other people to consume?

We should turn from the side that we are consumers to be a producer because if we are a producer People will spend their time on our work. It alternates. On the other hand, if you are a consumer, you spend time with other people’s media, so you don’t get tangible things in life.

And the words that we hear a lot. “Kill time”(Thai word) “What are you going to do? kill time” Why do you kill it? Time is important in our lives. In our lives, time is very important. People say that killing time. Why? We can do what is useful.

We can do what this world is still lacking, such as people who give things back to society, people who give knowledge, entertainment, etc.

Well, at least we are humans too, we may have many things that we are able to make something contribution to this world a lot, why don’t we do?

Our work is also our job, which should be the focus first, not the input of other people or the things that other people do, but actually it’s alternating. You must have a balance between input and output. If you input only and do not output at all, it is like you eat and you do not digest and defecate meaning that if you eat and consume other things, sometimes you have to output in your own media. It will give you a balance in your life.

And sometimes if we waste a lot of time looking at other people’s lives, aside from being jealous of other people life,For example, some people take pictures, eat lobster, buy luxury things like these on the internet, which actually asks if it is something Toxic for us?, For me, it’s not that much toxic, but it’s something that people We usually show one side,

One side is happy on social media. But when we’re sad, no one tells others that I am so bad now I totally suck. I am bored of life, no, everyone shows good side on social media.

Therefore, it makes you compare to them why that person’s life is good?

That life is perfect, That life with children, having a family, look really happy. Then It’s not a point to compare with them, because actually you are good in your own way, and you should be happy in the way that we are, whether we face any bad experience. Those things are shaped into us and bad experiences are assets.

Suppose you have a story that you are going to share with others like this. Sometimes, if your life to be successful with honors or distinction in the study, then having a lucrative job as a successful business owner. Everything is a straight line!Not interesting at all.

Well, it doesn’t make people related or whether people feel understanding you. Because other people will feel related to the person who fell and can rise up because that’s what humans are.

Please asked yourself whether today you have considered the matter of spending your time or not, one day, do you exercise? do you only work or not? or do you pay attention to study any knowledge and self-development or not?

or only pay attention to other people’s stories, social stories, stories that have nothing to do with one’s own developments ok if you watching the timeline for entertaining, it’s okay, sometimes you may get knowledge from that, it’s OK, but it has to be limited.

Because if you spend about 4-5 hours on social media like this or in the screen time. Sometimes you can count how much time is wasted. If you waste 4-5 hours on the mobile screen, sometimes you lose the connection to the world around you.And it makes you lose your perspective on living because actually our world is not here, our world is not on the screen, the screen will allow you to make a living But our world is outside Outside, you have to connect with others, be more aware of everyday life, because of that, because that will make you grow as a human.

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It is almost time (Planner setup)

Disclaimer: P. Lynne Designs is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.

Today, I want to talk about time.  I know, boring subject, but there is a purpose for this topic.  I am not going to talk about time too much on this post, except for when it comes to setting up your planner.

How much time do we really have?

Photo by P.Lynne Designs (c) 2019

We all know what time is and how valuable it is in a day.  I feel that if I have a lot of time on my hands, I am not being productive when I watch a video or playing a game on my tablet. I like to be productive, as I am sure many of you do.  I am not saying don’t play games or watch videos.  Find a set time in the day/night to do that sort of thing.  This is part of your scheduling.  I do not write it down in my planner, but I make a conscious effort to note that in my head. 

Experts say that went you go to bed each night, turn off the screens.  What does that mean?  It simply means turn off your computer, turn off your phones and tablets, and do not play the television all night.  If you cannot do that, at least put them in the next room.  If you put them in the next room, you now have to physically get up to answer any texts or comments on your posts on Facebook, for example.  I know if I have to do that, I do not want to get up, so, I save it for the next morning.

For instance, I turn off my phone.  Not because the experts say that I have to, but I have a phone that constantly needs charging.  It is a Samsung Note 4 and on its last lap around the mobile bin. I will get into my issues with my phone at a later time and hopefully, I can change my phone soon. Next, there is my desktop computer.  I keep it on all the time, except when Windows 10 updates without my knowledge, and it automatically turns off the computer.  I have the computer downstairs because where I really want my computer, which is in the next room, my nephew and his girlfriend are living there until they can find an apartment.  My laptop is powered down for the moment and in my backpack for when I want to work in my room or decide to go to a coffee shop or the library to work. Those are examples of turning off the screens.

I have a flaw that I am working on.

One problem that I still have is my Ipad.  I carry it to bed with me.  I look at my messages, play games, read articles, and watch YouTube videos.  This is a bad example of turning off the screens.  When I don’t do these things that I mentioned, I find myself walking over to my Ipad, unlocking it, and just let the light from the screen put me to sleep.  It is my 5 minute night light, which I am trying to correct right now.

My tips for scheduling:

In addition to powering down your screens, which is more of a “how to get a restful night of sleep” than “How to schedule” tip.  I have these other tips:

Get a good planner. 

I have I ready mentioned in Part 1 of Planning for Beginners 2020 Edition, steps for buying that first planner if you do not already have one.  I have watched plenty of YouTube videos prior to writing that post, to make sure that I was pointing the reader in the right direction.  This is sort of part 2, and I apologize for not writing a proper post for this second part.  What I have learned from my experiences and watching those videos is get a planner that is right for you and how you plan. 

Photo by Pixabay

No two people can have the exact type of planning and planners.  I have mentioned that I have 4 different planners.  One is for my business, for my personal life, for my budget, and I am trying out bullet journaling, after a failed attempt of it for 2019.  The planners are all from Erin Condren, but I am open to trying new ones.  This is the brand I have chosen for me.  There is also the Happy Planner, Moleskine, The Simplified planner, Mead has a planner, Emily Ley, and Carpe Diem, to name a few thousand.  It seems that everyone has a planner to sell.

Have a “Think Tank” session. 

Choose a day to think about what you want to do and accomplish for 2020.  You do not have to take the whole day, but take a good chuck out of your say to set up your system and your schedule.  Place standing dates and dates (such as doctor’s appointment) that were scheduled in 2019 and place them in your planner. 

So, decorate or not decorate it according to your tastes.  Make a schedule that you are comfortable with.  I have 4 planners, and I am fine with that concept.  I know others who have 8 or 5.  There are some people who stick with one paper planner and have a digital planner. Do what makes you happy. 

Take ideas from people and make them your own.  You do not have to make an exact copy of their setup.  Before you begin, ask yourself, how can I make this work for me?  Use a scratch piece of paper, and write out a budget on what you are willing to spend and what you can spend.  Next, draw or write out your sections, such as Home, Business, Budget, and personal.

If you can, have a separate budget book. 

Yes, that is what the Erin Condren Monthly deluxe planner is for with me.  This is not a new concept.  I adopted this technique from Shay McMillian, AKA Shay Budgets.  What I like about this planner is that there are notebook pages inside of each monthly section, where you can write down your notes, your income, your expenses, your sinking funds (I am still learning about those), and your financial goals.  You do not have to go all out like me.  I am testing this system for the first time.  What was not working for me was using Excel for a budget, and placing it in my main planner.

Business/Work Planner

Also if you can, have a separate business planner (or work planner if you still have a corporate job).  When I planned out My Ambiance Life and decided to talk about business ventures, I did not realize that I had a whole audience of readers who were both entrepreneurs and corporate workers, or corporate workers ONLY.  So this tip is for you too.  Many times, for example, we often find ourselves not only placing appointments in our personal planners dental appointments for our children, but that “all-inclusive” staff meeting from XYZ company, or meeting with a client, who wants to do 14 fittings of a wedding dress that she is not sure of in the first place into that planner.  Why not have a separate planner?  Even better if you can leave on at the office and carry the other one around. 

Photo by Pixabay

Not feeling the need to have to carry one around.  Does pocket-size mean anything or using your phone as a digital planner?  That is why I carry my Ipad.  I put all my dates in there

5. Putting it all together.

Find a way to coordinate your system.  Make a conscious effort to look at it every day.  Decorate if you want to.  I know of some people who go wild with the decorating and some who take on a minimalist approach to it.  I am in the middle.  If I feel like it, I will decorate it.  I do not make a habit of it.  I like stickers, which goes back to my days of making scrapbooks. 

I would love to hear your thoughts on the subject of setting up a planner.  Place them in the comments section.

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