#like; am i your emotional support friend? no problem ily!! am i your comfort friend? happy to be ily!! am i your therapist friend? no. ily.

[dano-or-not]

I cannot tell you how happy and relieved it makes me that there is not a collective or definite decision that Mob will grow up to be a therapist or something. As someone who has been referred to as the therapist friend when I was around Mob's age and is considering getting a degree in psychology in the future to be a therapist it is imperative in my eyes that Mob does not become a therapist

[alycosworld]

guess who🤡 heyhey 💕 here. I’m pretty sure by this 2nd request u can tell that I’m a very emotional person🧍🏻‍♀️ and that I’m a person that seeks alot of comfort from fictional characters because i dont have a life and good friends.

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putting a divider here so u dont have to read everything and can look out for keywords!

purple—> person

pink—>genre

green—>subject

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I’m not sure if u r comfy writing kazuha so if yr not I’m sorry u can ignore this! i just want a fluff comfort for reader who got like REALLY scolded for getting bad grades for exams because u have no idea how angsty I’m feeling rn:( my parents just literally like scolded me like there was no tmr istg- so i just need really fluff comfort. so a kazuha x NB(non bibary)!reader

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Anyways again tysm u have no idea how grateful i am if you accept my request!!!<3 get lots of rest and drink water. only do this if you want to!

byebye<3

-💕

Kazuha's Wise and Whimsical Words

Kaedehara Kazuha X Reader

A/N: aaaa 💕anon ily!! being emotional is completely fine and I would be honoured to become of your good friends!! I will be a part of your life, private message me if you're ever feeling down! I just want my readers happy because they make me happy aaaaaa 🥺

with that being said, i love this request! My parents were so hard on me when it came to exams, but as soon as I broke away from their expectations, I started to appreciate my grades more. I'll leave the real comforting words for Kazuha to say but NO ONE SHOULD EVER be disappointed in yourself if you tried your best. Thank you for your support and the request, I hope the story makes you feel better. Enjoy!

ps: I took into account the fact that not everyone has a mother and a father and not everyone has two parents at all, so only one parent is mentioned here and they are left gender neutral so it's easier to picture yourself in the story.

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"(Y/N). This is not at all what I expected. What happened to you?" Your parent asked sternly.

"Well, I--"

"I don't want to hear any excuses. Your predicted grades were much higher than this!" They said, raising their voice.

"I'm sorry, I--"

"Sorry is not going to improve your results! Do you really think that now is a good time to be slacking off? You have one more exam period before university. I don't care if you pass those exams, I want you to excel. And if you don't, you are not attending Sumeru Academia, whether they accept you or not. I am not paying for you to study overseas, only for you to get mediocre grades." They said, making you even more anxious than before the exam.

"But I got above the average!"

"By two percent! And the average was low." Your parent said, narrowing their eyes slightly and upsetting you with their belittling gaze.

"Realistically--"

"Realistically? Realistically?! If you want to study realistically, you should find someone else to pay for your education. When you want to study successfully, you can come back." They slammed the stack of sheets that displayed your results on the table with a loud bang before folding their arms as you grabbed a jacket and stormed out of the house, tears running down your face.

You walked for a while in the night, before eventually finding yourself in an area you were less familiar with. After recognising it to be somewhere near your boyfriend's current residence off Beidou's ship, you made a beeline for his place, knocking on the door and hoping, praying he would be alone inside.

The door soon opened and Kazuha stood there, initially with a smile on his face but it soon dropped when he saw your expression.

"(Y/N)? What happened?" He asked.

"C-can I come inside?" You sniffled.

"Of course, Love. Come in." He said, ushering you into his quaint little place. You stood by the door that closed behind you before Kazuha pushed the coat you had lazily draped over your shoulder onto the floor and enveloped you in his arms.

You broke down in his embrace. You had done better than most of your fellow students, and frankly, you were kind of proud of your result. But it was foolish of you to think that your parent would accept anything but perfection. They said it was all for you, but you were doubting it. Did you even want to go to Sumeru Academia? You had had your heart set on it since you were a child, but maybe that was only because your folks always envisioned you going there.

"Why are you crying, my love?" Kazuha asked, sitting you down near the fire to warm you up and standing up to get you a blanket and a hot cup of tea.

"I'm not good enough." You mumbled. If it was anyone else, they wouldn't have heard you. But your boyfriend could listen to the wind "talk" - he was very attuned to quiet and subtle noises.

"Nonsense." He smiled, bringing you the blanket as you listened to the water boil in the background.

"You're more than good enough. Everyone who knows you adores you - no one more than me, of course." Kazuha chuckled, eventually setting down two cups of tea and sitting in front of you on the floor.

"Public opinion won't improve my grades." You said, now more stoic than upset. You had almost become numb and desensitised to degrading comments that after you cried a little and calmed down, you'd be straight-faced and almost emotionless. It didn't feel good, but it was certainly better than feeling bad.

"So this is about school." Kazuha nodded, gesturing for you to continue explaining why had happened.

"They keep talking about my grades. They said I shouldn't be slacking and that I'm not going to get to Sumeru Academia and that they want me to do better...maybe I'm interpreting it wrong. Maybe they're trying to encourage me?" You wondered aloud, thinking that somehow you were the problem. As soon as you said "they", Kazuha knew who you are referring to and sighed.

"Encouragement and doubt are two very different things. Unrealistic expectations, detrimental practices, emotionally, mentally or physically taxing improvement - none of that is going to help you. In fact, it'll make you feel worse. When you really think about what you have to do to achieve perfection, you'll only realise how unattainable it is. You'll fall into a perpetual spiral of intellectual destruction." Kazuha said.

"Then how the hell am I gonna get the best results?" You asked worriedly.

"You won't. No one will ever get the best results because more people and more previously unforeseen factors will come into play. What you can achieve is your best results. Your grades are a product of you, not the other way around. They are no measure of your worth, they cannot define you, and they do not have to be a part of you. If you don't ace one subject, you don't have to hang on to that or turn it into some strange part of you. You can't cling to it, it's impossible to cling to a piece of the past forever. That's not to say you don't learn from it, but it doesn't need to become some villainous trait - in the end, it is only a grade." Kazuha shield at you. His words warmed your heart more than the fire or tea, and they even seemed to dry your tears and allow you to mirror his expression.

"And at the very least, you can hold your head high knowing that you had the strength to participate in an exam when not everyone does. You went in, sat through it, attempted the questions and walked out. Not everyone has the courage to stay; some don't even have the courage to start. That goes for any endeavour you face." Kazuha said, before inching closer to you.

"Feeling any better?" He asked. You nodded instantly. Of course, Kazuha's wise and whimsical words had bettered your mood, it was Kazuha for Archon's sake.

"Good. Maybe we could go for an evening stroll? I'll treat you to dinner if you haven't eaten." He offered.

"Can...can we just stay like this for a little longer? I think being alone with you is nicer." You smiled.

"Of course, Angel. Anything you want."

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this was less physical fluff than I intended, but I think I do comfort with direct words and dialogue best, so I hope this is okay. honestly, everything kasha said is what I would've wished to hear when I was in this situation. I'll probably post a rant about my own exam experiences because this request got all my past feelings to resurface.

thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed!

[weedplantar]

i’m sorry, i know this isn’t your usual content, but you seem like you would know and I’m sort of lost. what do you do when you’re in an on and off relationship with someone? how do you know when it’s time to call it quits for good? we broke up again today 😔

Hi anon, first of all, I am so sorry you're going through that. Breakups can really suck, I'm sending my love and support your way, eat some yummy food, drink some water, watch comfort movies, and allow yourself to process your emotions and heal. Everything will be okay eventually even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

To answer your question, it's kind of hard for me to tell you what to do exactly because I don't know the specifics of your situation, but I can tell you generally and my experiences.

If you're always breaking up with someone and getting back together, then it's clear that something has to change. You can't be in an on and off situation forever, it isn't fair to anyone involved. The hard part is identifying what exactly needs to change. Sometimes people will break up and then get back together because they love and miss each other, but it's not going to work if nothing had changed. You need to identify the root of the problem and see if it's something that can be fixed. Do you have communication issues? Is there something causing tension? Is there a jealousy/control issue? Are you just fundamentally different people to the point of incompatibility? If you're able to find the reason that things aren't working and work on fixing it together, it should resolve the issue and strengthen your relationship. But unfortunately, sometimes it really is best to just let go. If things continue to not work, the issue is unfixable, or one of you isn't trying, it may be best to separate for good.

I was in an on and off again relationship with the same person for about a year and half. We would break up, spend time apart, and then get back together again, things would be okay for a while, and then the cycle would repeat because even though I knew what was wrong, nothing was changing. They were ignoring my boundaries, not listening when I said the cycle was repeating and then mistreating me in the same way that they had been. Eventually I realized that they weren't going to change and broke things off a final time. It was really difficult to accept that chapter of my life as over, and I needed time to mourn that, but eventually I was able to heal and recognize that it had been unhealthy all along.

Another tip I have is to avoid contact. You can be friends with your ex eventually, but it's difficult when everything is fresh. No stalking social medias or "I miss you texts", you need time on your own to sort out your feelings.

I'm wishing you the best of luck, anon. Feel free to send another ask or DM me if you need anything else. Be safe ily <33

[apatheticanvas91305]

I should probably do a new year post huh...

Okay well I'm bad at words 95% of the time so I hope all my love for you guys comes across anyways

2020 one has been one shit show after another and yet I feel good! 2019 took me by the neck and strangled me almost as much as 2020, but I didn't really have the people I have now to keep me going.

I'm really only still here because of @mmxvink and I never really tell her that (so when/if you see this dude, I'm gonna hide - bc no thank you emotions)

Anywaysssss, tumblr may be a hell site but it's also my comfort zone and I'm gonna tag the people whos's blog makes me smile and laugh (and sometimes cry because some of you guys are far too good at writing angst) and who's interaction (whether we interact a lot or just pass eachother by) makes me believe that it's not so bad after all.

@mischiefandi honestly you're amazing and you're absolutely right that your blog is like a lil safe space for everyone. You and this lot: @duskholland @t-lostinworlds @starrynightdeancas @on-a-bender @bend-me-shape-me are farrrrrrr too good at writing and have no right making me feel the emotions I do when I read your fics.

@totally-not-gadreel I cannot believe that so many people became one person yesterday and now I only have to take one of you. I love your blog, I love gadreel and I love that we're both working on such an amazing project to be a part of

@usercass you have such good taste in reblogs and ik I can always got to this blog when I'm in a need of a good selection of awesome content!

@snowfea bro your blog inspired me to start watching the Witcher and I can never go back thank you for your service

@darling-angel-mine @aniridescentdreamer @too-asexual-to-care @toomanyfandoms008 @deliciouslydeafeningstarlight you guys are just the ones near the top but to everyone of the people I regularly see reblogging from here ily and ik its probably just cuz I reblog allllll the time so my reblogs just clog up your page, but it's nice too see you passing by anywho and I hope you have a good year <3

Also here are some gold standard blogs that don't really know who I am but I highly recommend and hope they have a brilliant year: @kingjackless @rambleoncas @tearsofgrace @chaoticdean @armellin @hail-misha @fandomstuff67

and finally @aka-its-called-whiskey our blogs don't really interact outside dms but you're an amazing friend who keeps me going and I genuinely love you to bits!

HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYS

if I missed you it's a my brain problem, just remember that ina few hours or days I'll remember someone and smack myself for not tagging you and I doooo love you, I promise

go support the @superiornatural-rewrite for the new year, it's full of amazing people and content, you won't be sorry!!

[heoneyology]

are you taking requests??? if you are and only if it’s not a problem!!! can i request the fluff #2 (“is there a reason you’re blushing like that?”) with seonghwa? ily thank you in advance 💝💝

aHHH YUKI I AM SORRY THIS TOOK A WHILE??? also I am so sorry it’s so long oh my god…

—fluff; prompt 2; “Is there a reason you’re blushing like that?”

Laughter surrounds you, picking up until it has almost deafeningly spread among your friend group as something is said. Infectiously, it spreads through each one of you, finally overtaking you. You stumble, almost spilling out of the restaurant under the added weight of another after your friend group as the laughter overtakes you.

Immediately, Yunho turns around and is grabbing that extra baggage by the name of Park Seonghwa—your childhood best friend—that you’re carrying, shifting the weight of his drunken self you’re helping support so you can recollect yourself.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Yunho asks, and you nod, laughter subsiding.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just wasn’t expecting that to be so funny and I tripped.”

Yunho chuckles, but a worried expression flashes in his eyes as he glances between you and the slumped over Seonghwa, who is barely holding himself up on his own two feet, even with your help.

“Are you sure you can get him home by yourself?” Yunho asks, before sighing and shaking his head. “Why did he even drink so much?”

“He said something about having a hard time lately!” Hongjoong offers up from somewhere over Yunho’s shoulder, the drunken lilt in his own tone making you question how reliable of a source he was.

You rolled your eyes, mostly at Yunho’s concern, though you couldn’t help but consider Hongjoong’s words a little more. “Don’t worry so much, I’ll be fine. I’ve been his best friend for more than ten years. Getting him home in this state is a non issue.”

Yunho frowns at you, but nods slowly. Pursing your lips slightly, you pull your phone out of your pocket and fiddle with the screen a bit, before holding it up to him—displayed on the screen is a map.

“Look. Already called an uber. Don’t worry so much. You think I want to willingly drag this deadweight home?” You’d already done that enough in your high school days, when drinking behind your parents’ backs at your secret midnight hideout was something the two of you considered cool.

“Smart girl,” Yunho notes.

“Duh.”

After some drunken struggling and some more antics from Hongjoong, San, and Wooyoung—and attempted corralling from Jongho, the youngest who couldn’t drink, and the rest of the group, who had had the least to drink that night—you part ways with the group for the night, sharing “goodbyes” and “get home safes.” Of course, it takes a few more minutes after that, considering the second the first goodbye is uttered, San turns into an emotional drunk who thinks everyone is parting ways forever—which ends up being a contagious emotion that spreads to Wooyoung, and suddenly has the two turned into blubbering idiots.

Thankfully, Hongjoong ends up wandering off in a drunken stupor, commenting about the pretty street lights being fireflies—and forcing the rest of the group to follow, dragging the two crying drunks forcefully along with them.

Once quiet befalls the area, you let out a sigh. You’re suddenly grateful Seonghwa is a tired drunk. He’d always been easy to care for. Though getting him home, especially in the past during your teenage rebellion years, had always been an issue considering tired drunk often translated to passed out upright.

Shifting his weight on your shoulder causes him to grumble under his breath, and you glance at him curiously. As you wait for the uber to arrive, you can’t help but think back to Hongjoong’s words—“He said something about having a hard time lately!” A hard time with what? What could be bothering him so much lately, that he had to turn to taking a night to drink as much as he did? He wasn’t a lightweight, but he was usually very mindful of his alcohol intake. He hadn’t been tonight, though.

“Why didn’t you just come to me first, if something was wrong?” You wonder aloud, mostly under your breath.

As the thought voiced aloud, turns over in your head once more, you study his strong features. Due to his drowsiness, they’re softened significantly. Seonghwa’s eyes are half-lidded, lashes fluttering against his sharp cheekbones as his lids twitch every now and again—lost somewhere between a state of consciousness and unconsciousness. His breath comes deeply, inhaling and exhaling, and you can’t help but notice the pout of his full lips, bottom lip jutting out.

Shaking your head and ridding yourself the image of his lips, you glance away.

Maybe nothing was wrong, and Seonghwa just wanted to let loose, a little. There was no reason to worry! After all, the words of a drunk, mulleted man spewing nonsense about street lamps being fireflies didn’t exactly fall under the category of a trustworthy source.

As the uber finally arrives, you have to shift Seonghwa’s weight again on your shoulder to open the car door, practically shoving him inside the vehicle. He let out slurred grumbles as you do so, and when you’re situated, you verify the address of your apartment with the driver before settling yourself back against the seat. As the car rolls forward, Seonghwa’s head rolls and lands on your shoulder. Accustomed to this sort of proximity with him, you don’t even glance his way.

However, the words that leave Seonghwa’s mouth next—barely a whisper against your ear, and you’re almost certain you’ve imagined them—do cause you to glance at him in surprise: “I really am having a lot of trouble lately…” He mumbles. For someone so out of it, the words aren’t as unintelligible as you’d expect.

“What?” You whisper, peering at him curiously. When nothing is immediately said, you give your shoulder a small shrug, watching as his head bobs. For the moments that pass, nothing but deep breathing comes from Seonghwa, and you frown, glancing away and out the window.

You start in surprise when you feel Seonghwa’s head roll back and forth on your shoulder, an imperativeness to the action that has you pulling your gaze away from the window, just as he whines, “It really is so hard, liking you, Y/N. I’m having so much trouble lately.” His words have the lilt of alcohol, slurred, but coherent enough for you to raise your brows at his declaration in surprise.

In your chest, you feel your heart stutter in surprise. “What?”

Though his voice has risen, you still aren’t quite sure you’ve heard his words—not just correctly, but at all. You glance at the driver, noting through the rearview mirror that their lips are twitching in amusement at the sudden drunken confession taking place in the backseat of their car.

Seonghwa, however, is in his own world, and doesn’t hear your shocked question. There’s a drunken determination as he continues, somewhere between his half-asleep, half-conscious state—possibly unaware that you’re even listening to him. “Yunho was being too nice to you tonight! I didn’t like it!”

You bite your lip. Yunho? Being too nice? That was his standard personality. Was Seonghwa playing some sort of joke? People were supposedly more honest when they were drunk, right…? That’s what you had heard, anyway.

“I like you,” as he says it, Seonghwa turns his face into your shoulder, and you stiffen, surprise deepening further. “So much. Too much. For too long. It’s not fair, you don’t notice…”

But you have noticed, you think to yourself. Or rather, you’d noticed Seonghwa—maybe not his feelings, but you’d noticed your own feelings, for him. You couldn’t really remember when, exactly, they’d come about and when the realization had dawned on you. You’d always been so comfortable around him, and he’d been your friend for so long that things were always so comfortable in his presence. But somewhere along the way, there were specific smiles, specific actions, and specific words that would cause your heart to lurch in your chest and butterflies to form in your stomach.

You’re almost grateful when the car finally rolls to a stop, practically suffocating with Seonghwa’s words that hang heavy in the air and your own emotions in a turmoil. Thanking the driver, you pull Seonghwa out of the car with all of your strength, coaxing him as needed until he’s slumped against you for support again and you’re on the way up the stairs to your apartment. It takes a great effort, a lot of patience, and a lot of time for you to finally make it up the stairs and into the comfort of your home.

You deposit Seonghwa on the couch, as you have done so many times before. You manage to pull his jacket off, find a blanket and extra pillow, and making sure he’s rolled and propped onto his side, with a wastepaper basket within reach just in case he decides to get sick. You can’t remember the last time Seonghwa had been so drunk he’d gotten sick, though. Once you’re certain he’ll be fine on his own for a few, you head off to take a shower and wash out the smell of charcoal, barbecue, and alcohol from your hair and off your body.

In comfy pajamas, you head back to the living room and take up the arm chair, where you watch Seonghwa dutifully, in case he does get sick. At some point, you doze off.

When you wake up the next morning, it’s the insistent opening and closing of your kitchen cabinets—a noise that startles you awake. You blink, trying to push past the drowsiness, glancing around in slight alarm as you take in your surroundings, not remembering falling asleep.

“Tea, tea, tea—what the heck, where did the tea get moved to?” Seonghwa is mumbling to himself from the kitchen grumbling with every cupboard he opens and closes, his search for what he’s looking for coming up empty-handed each time. By the time he reaches the last few cupboards, he’s groaning, a hand coming to his forehead and a complaint about a pounding headache falling from his mouth.

“Tea boxes are in the drawer next to the stove now—” You call softly as a yawn falls from your lips. With the yawn, the last of your exhaustion leaves you, and realization starts to settle over you.

The dinner last night. Seonghwa’s drunk confession. Seonghwa sleeping on your couch—which wasn’t new, but meant something different, this time.

Seonghwa, having finally found some tea, turns around finally. “Finally,” the desperate relief in his voice is audible. “Thank you, I’d been looking for so—wait, Y/N, why are you blushing?”

“What?” You squeak out, hands darting up to your face. Sure enough, you can feel the blood that has pooled to your cheeks as you cup your face in your hands. “I-I’m not.”

Seonghwa is quick to discard the box of tea bags, moving from the kitchen to the living room. He stops in front of your arm chair, leaning down close and immediately pressing a palm against your forehead. “Is there a reason you’re blushing like that? Or are you sick? Maybe hungover, too?”

“No!” You drop your hands from your face, shoving his hand away quickly.

“Then why—” Seonghwa’s question falls from his lips, as he studies you. There’s curiosity in his eyes at first, and he studies you—the way you’re stiff under his gaze, the blush that taints your cheeks, the hard set of your jaw and the wild look in your eyes.

He’s known you for years. He knows how to read you like an open book. The two of you had practically grown up together.

It doesn’t take long for the curiosity in Seonghwa’s eyes to dim to realization, then darken to a sort of deep-rooted panic. “Oh my god,” he breaths out, suddenly jumping back from you.

“Why are you blushing like that?!” You throw the question back at him, watching as a pink tint flushes over his face.

He throws his hands over his face instead of answering. “Oh my god, I thought that was a dream!”

[plague-of-nice]

**RED EYES** PLATONIC F/O THINGS FOR SCOUT AND FREEMAN!! Numbers 12, 17, aND 3!!

[Ask Game] FREN ILY! I’m so incredibly happy you asked about 2 good lads ;v; I’ve been wanting to talk about Gordon and Jeremy for so long!!

3.How do they support you when you’re down? With advice, emotional support, both, or are they a bit awkward and neither?

Jeremy: Both Scout and I are aware that we’re not the best with emotions, but bless him, he really does try to show his support! While he’s willing to sit down and listen when it really counts, Jeremy believes in going off and doing something fun to get my mind off of stress and problems! He usually takes me to the nearest playground where he would practice with his baseball swings just to chill, and he’s more than happy to fill in the silence with his stories from childhood and the like.

Gordon: Well, with him being a rational person, Gordon more often than not offer practical advice whenever he could think of one. He’s also a very good listener. When he sits down and lends anyone an ear, the only sounds one can hear is literally his steady breathing. Gordon doesn’t really do much physical comforting outside of gently rubbing my back, but at the same time, I know he’s always willing to accept and reciprocate warm and comforting hugs when they really count.

12. Are they the kind who borrows your stuff and forget to give it back?

Jeremy: Depends on the actual item, I honestly feel like I’m the one who borrows more stuff from him because Jeremy doesn’t exactly do it... explicitly. He usually borrows my sketchpads without telling me so he could look at them in peace, while I go and borrow his sketchpads to browse through them fairly often, always with permission. Sometimes with my old and full sketchbooks though, Jeremy ends up keeping them for himself. I don’t really mind unless he uses them to tease my old art-

Gordon: Oh you bet I jumped at the chance to borrow Gordon’s science books whenever I could! I mean- I could only borrow a few that were actually suitable for my reading level, and being the forgetful person that I am, I usually end up keeping the books in my shelves for a long time. Gordon does borrow some stuff from me too, he likes to borrow the Crime Scene/Pathology books that I have and read them in his free time, but on a more frequent basis, he tends to borrow simple stuff like a few spritz of alcohol and the cloth I use for cleaning my own glasses.

17. How do they act when someone insults you?

Jeremy: He’s surprisingly the type to push me away from hurtful people, all the while mumbling about how those people suck. I don’t really tell him, but I deeply appreciate how much he tries to distract me from getting affected by other people’s words. Jeremy knows that I hate causing a scene in public so, in all honestly, he restrains himself when other people are there to see.

Gordon: Gordon is quiet at first, it really depends on how I initially respond. If it was an incidental insult from a friend or otherwise someone close to my, he would try and gauge my reaction and sometimes speak in my place. (i.e. “I really think that joke crossed the line.”) But in the case that it was a rude stranger, Gordon does tend to reprimand whoever did it before insisting that we both leave the scene. He means well, but he has to watch his temper at times.

[personagf-moved]

alphabet & soft questions ✨

I was tagged by my bb’s @prksjmiin (alphabet ask) and @joonieblossoms (soft ask) and i didn’t want to make two separate posts so im gonna apologize in advance bc i decided to stick both posts together :’) dkdkkdkd yall aint gotta read everything but if u do ily and im sorry i write novels on novels dlfksdkf

i’ll tag @koyasdad, @1ovegf, @joonlit, @sleepyyyoongs, @constellationstars and @capgi 💘

honestly feel free to do either one or both or none if u want dkkdkdkd i just wanted to tag u guys bc ily

Alphabet ask:

a // age: 21

b // birthplace: new jersey!

c // current time: 1:17 am

d // drink you had last: coffee

e // easiest person to talk to: my brother when he isnt being an absolute fool

f // favorite songs: 

aint it fun - paramore

trivia love 

honey - kehlani

abbey - mitski

moonlight - ariana grande

g // grossest memory: i was in the city one time and a bird shit on my forehead. i think about it at least twice a week 

h // horror yes or horror no:  H O R R O R   Y E S   B A B E E E Y Y Y Y Y Y Y im the absolute worst person i’ll dead ass watch a scary movie/video or read horror stories by myself just bc. 

i // in love: with my whole ass soulmate namjoon. i luv u string bean man

j // jealous of people: im not even gonna try to lie i am a very jealous person and i am so sorry about it but i really cant help it lmfao. blame my scorpio venus i guess

k // kids of your own someday: when i say i have been thinking about this everyday.........! i wanna have it all i want the kids the white picket fence the dream house everything. i cant wait to be a mommy one day and love n support my bb’s :’)

l // love at first sight or should i walk by again: we a whole ass fool on main and believe in love at first sight!!!! i really do believe soulmates are a true thing and if a love is destined to be across an infinite span of lifetimes and universes then it will always find its way back. when you know, you know, and i genuinely believe that. 

m // middle name: padilla

n // number of siblings: 1 older brother, 1 half brother (older), and 1 half sister (older)

o // one wish: to find true love

p // person you last called: my manager bc i had a work question lol

q // question you’re always asked: “why are you like this” (usually friends @ me when i wild out...which is like everyday), “are you mad?”, “how old are you REALLY?”, “how’s your brother?” (bc he ghosts all family n i have to speak on his behalf like always fsdfjksdf)

r // random fact about you: i once used a horrible bootleg copy of the force awakens to make a star wars crack video dubbing the part in shrek when he first meets donkey over the scene when rey first met bb-8 and it went viral and has like 200,000 notes and even had articles written about it. also i had a weird fascination with jar jar binks and danny devito when i was in high school and i had a habit of making either one of them my icon on school accounts so i could make people laugh when they emailed me or saw me in a word document skfkkkfkf

s // song you last sang: “abbey” by mitski :’(

t // time you woke up: exactly 10 this morning and it was weird bc i picked up my phone and it had JUST turned 10 when i looked i was so shook lol 

u // underwear colour: she be black 

v // vacation destination: paris bc im a basic bitch :’) also japan/all asian countries. i wanna connect with my roots more :/

w // worst habit: yeeting the fuck outta people’s lives when i think they’re getting too close/when i get overwhelmed. im sorry im a flighty bitch @ anyone i’ve ever ghosted :( i love anyone who’s ever tried to talk to me and its never ur fault, i just get the urge to escape sometimes and i’m trying to fix it 

x // x-rays: omg @ tori dead ass me too tho, i had x-rays when i broke my arm when i was around 6 :o

y // your favorite food: my mom’s spaghetti! and sushi. also i love any and all filipino food but specifically i like nilaga and kare-kare oooo baby

z // zodiac sign: we’re a proud libra sun 

Soft ask:

What’s the smell of your shampoo?

we got them fruity scents up in here we keep that shit smellin like a goddamn strawberry field take a fuckin whiff babes

What’s your aesthetic?

the moon and stars, soft pink and purple sunsets with a burning red on the horizon, sunrises as well, paintings and generally all art revolving around flowers and the celestial, pretty pastel pink and yellow, the sound and smell of rain falling against the window while being curled up in bed uwu 

What’s your favorite time of the day and why?

lately it’s been night time. i generally get more creative and feel more at home during the night. i miss being a morning person tho. 

What do you most like about the beach?

not a lot fklsjdjfkslkdflksdlkf i usually only go to get a tan and walk the boardwalk with my friends, but if i had it my way i would never step foot in the ocean for the rest of my life sdjdjdjdjsj we dont trust her!!!!!!!!!

What do you worry about constantly?

when i’m gonna figure out what i wanna do with my life lol. i took a year off to think about it but all i ended up doing was working myself to exhaustion and getting comfy in a work only mindset and now i’m only even more confused about what i want to pursue. i’m just glad im going to chicago next week because i feel like a change of setting for even just a week could give me a much needed reset on my mindset going into the next year. i worry about the future but the problem is i worry about the present too lol. oh well, we’ll figure it out!

What is a song you’ve cried to before?

oh boy...

trivia love

moonchild

first love

she used to be mine - waitress soundtrack

20 something - sza

26 - paramore

the letter - kehlani

landslide - fleetwood mac

when you see my friends - mayday parade

and many........many many more...... skskskks music is my main emotional outlet so naturally im gonna cry over anything that reflects my heart

What are some relaxing tips for your followers?

as The World’s Number One Most Stressed Out Human Being™️ i am definitely in no way fit to give advice on how to relax LMFAO 

but i guess something that always works for me is putting on music i KNOW will make me sing a long or make me happy to distract me from the nerves i’m feeling. also putting on my favorite comfort movies to make me feel better (they’re big fish, scott pilgrim vs the world, and spirited away btw lol)

 What are some things that make you tear up?

the ending of coco, seeing my mom cry, or anyone i love cry tbh, when children are neglected/abused, thinking about the world i’ll have to bring my future children into and how i’m going to be able to teach them to stay strong and bright in the face of it, lyrics that hit too close to home, absolutely anything tbh i cry easy

What is your favorite from each sense?

sight - the view of my cherry blossom tree against a pink sunset in the spring of my childhood home, a person’s eyes and how they light up when they smile, especially when they crinkle as they laugh

smell - the earth after rain, a forest in autumn

taste - my mom’s cooking, good coffee on an early morning

sound - beautiful melodies and harmonies to accompany them, a baby cooing, birds chirping at sunrise

touch - my pillow when its nice and cool, a cat’s tummy, a baby’s cheeks, fingers running through my hair

What is an alternative reality you’d like to live in?

one where im married to namjoon n we have a lot of smart musical prodigy babies who have his dopey smile and i live comfortably in our big ass home in korea where i raise our babies n get that good pipe down every night like i should

jk i wanna live in a reality where magic is real and i can cast spells and live my best life as the true witch that i am

What are some troubles you face on a daily basis?

for starters im ugly as shit so theres one

if we mean practically then i have really bad knees and i recently busted them again so its been really hard getting up and down stairs lately and bending over 

but idk theres not really much. emotionally i just tend to get withdrawn and timid in public so it can be hard for me to speak up when i go out

What is one scene from a book that makes you really sad?

unfortunately i haven’t read as many books lately as i did when i was younger...so a lot of my memories are from books that i read like as a kid lol......THAT BEING SAID i think rue and finnick’s death in the hunger games was truly heartbreaking to read, the spine of my copies of both books have cracks on those pages bc i had to read it several times just to really believe it. also i thought it was written so heart wrenchingly well that i had to go back.  also in looking for alaska when pudge, a man who loved to know people’s last words, realized that he would never know alaska’s last words. im also really thankful for that book bc it introduced me to wh auden’s poetry and to this day he’s still one of my favorite poets of all time.  

Say something to your followers:

thank you thank you thank you thank you THANK YOU for following me and for some reason deciding to stay after how many times i act up on the daily. all jokes aside i really appreciate every single one of you no matter the number and i sincerely hope that you always have love and joy in your heart and that 2019 treats you well. i HONESTLY mean it when i say that i am always here if you guys want to talk or send me things or roast me or talk shit seriously i wanna hear it all and talk about it all i think all of you are so interesting and so beautiful and i’d love to get to know more about you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS! yeet!

[mojput-mypath]

THE PATH IS PAVED WITH BROWN-BRICK BLOCKS

No one ever told me the path of awakening is going to be so crappy!

You do a course to release stress and get super sick either before during or after the program - it’s called ‘cleansing’.

You sing mantras and start cry like a baby - but be aware that these are tears of gratitude, of course, even though you feel your insides twisting.

You do a yoga course, all sorts of garbage starts coming out, you get an elephant’s head size headache.

Your chosen cleansing format usually includes a great amount of pooping. The healthiest detox food is tasteless and gives you cramps. Don’t get me started on the emotional turmoil side-effects.

I guess the higher you fly the deeper you get to dig in. Luckily, as we know reincarnation to be a fact, we are not only letting go of traumas, impressions and attachments from this life, but from many, many more, prior to this one. Quite some work!

I guess the spiritual path, at least for me, has been all about going from extremes towards equanimity. It’s been a bumpy ride.

Every time I discover how crap I am, I realise how little I can do to correct it. It’s all about the letting go. But you cannot actually let go, because that means you are doing something akka ‘letting go’. So let go, without making an effort to let go! How, man?

OBSERVING MY WAY TO HELL

Another one is the observing thing. Observe. Yeah right. When I’m in an emotional drama, I am so far from my centre, from my Self, my being, and I want to scream and kick in order to get further and further away, so I can wallow in my unhappiness and unloved-ness. But noooo. You have to observe. And what to observe? Exactly what you DO NOT want to observe. Yet, when you finally get to the observing, you need to check yourself for pretend-observation. “I’m observing, but the drama is still there!” Well, that would not be IT. If you actually manage to observe what is going on and manage to drag all of your laser attention to the body part where it’s all a-cookin’, then it really does INSTANTLY go away. If you manage to get to that point. And then? Then repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

Like for example, when I talk about my love problems, the non-existent love – problems, I get to hear: you should wear some dresses and make-up! People actually did say that. Something that still really pushes my buttons. I am queer and gender-weird, and feel that binary gender and/or sex is a social construct very far from reality of life. When I feel lady-like, I get to be as lady-like as I FEEL to be. When I feel boyish, I dress boyish. When I feel childish, I wear childish, when I feel grown-up, I wear grown-up. Why on earth would I wear more feminine clothes in order to get someone’s attention? I would rather someone sees me at my worst, my nightmare-ish, dramatic, wild self and says: Wow! That is genuine, that is so insane and that is who I want to spend more time with, bring it on!

https://www.instagram.com/itspeteski

ANALYSIS-PARALYSIS

I have several tendencies. One is to over-analyse EVERYTHING. Another one is to always do my best to see from more than one angle. Especially the one that is opposite from mine. Every time my buttons get pushed, I do two things. First, I judge the person or people. I convince myself I have a ‘realistic’ judgement, and that the fact is that they are wrong in some way. Then I go on to analyse why my buttons got pushed, meaning why I got upset. What is it in me that attracted that person and situation in my reality? What did I want to see/learn about myself through the other?

First, judgement only means I am not enlightened. I would wish to comply to what my teacher tells me and what I myself very often experience: that every person is a multitude of impressions, emotions, situations, reactions etc. Whatever it is that I experience with another person is my unique experience, and there may be many people in their life who do not have the same view nor experience I do, with them. Phew, long sentence. Ergo, the person as I experience them, has showed themselves to me in a way that I attracted. That person is not only a bundle of behaviours that are visible to me. The person is much more than that! Aaaaaaand, also, we are all born innocent, and we are ALL God’s children (yes, even the evil ones), all bearing the same substance at our deepest core – love and light. Aaaaaaaaw.

Second, how is it possible that I only wish for joy in my life, but my subconscious is attracting people and situations that do not bring me pure joy and bliss?! Well, because the subconscious is crap! The subconscious creates the game, the dance, the play of life, of being born in this life, on this planet. To rediscover what we already know and is buried deep inside us. If we were aware and enlightened – where would all the fun be in? 7 billion enlightened souls on Earth? I guess we would have a massive ‘leaving the body’ episode and that would be the end of sentient life. There would not be any need for anything, because everyone would be detached and untouched by happenings, karma, people – and then what? No wars, no sharing, no caring, no illness, no happiness, no-thing! It would be too boring to incarnate!

EVERYDAY IN EVERY WAY I LEARN SOMETHING NEW

Today and every day I realise amazing lessons. Today I realised that life can beat us up and that life can really gently care for us – through the same person! All the knowledge that Mr. G shared with us can really be seen. He says: “One never knows when a friend turns into an enemy & vice-versa.” It is really true. I experienced it, that is how I know.

I also realised our perceptions can be so very limited. On the example of parents. We were kids and something happened in regard to our parents. Later in life, depending on who you feel more close to, your mother, your father or yourself, that is the perception you take to have been reality in that past situation. Also, sometimes we don’t understand people and we don’t see them as they are. It can go on for some time. For some, it can be a lifetime. Somewhere, sometime, it is possible for your attitude or perception to change and you say: I was wrong in judging that person this whole time! You understand the truth at some point. At the time you understood another truth, your perception was limited, and then one day it was less limited. But if you saw things in the same way from the beginning, you would miss the moment of the change of perception! Such a precious moment. When your perception changes and you see more clearly all of a sudden – such beautiful times… Full of awareness, forgiveness and relief.

You know, I had such a hard time lately. And the moment came where it stopped being hard. And now it is so beautiful and so lovely, and so blissful and calm, that I don’t regret the crappy time at all. Opposites complement each other – such a simple statement (another pearl of wisdom from Sri Sri). They indeed do so.

I also learned: Awareness of myself, my untouched nature. Feminine strength and masculine attitude. My success and growth is in a way also the success and growth of my parents. There is no need to hide my love and kindness.

ASHRAM BABY LEARNING TO FLY

I realised I lived in a lovely balloon and resisted the lessons I was supposed to learn. I heard today again that the only way to learn new things and to move out of difficult times, emotions and situations is to go directly through them. To live through them.

It can be so lovely to live in the ashram, to care only about your inner world, and ignore or set aside the whole world out there. And that is what I really needed. I know people have lived through worse, but I really feel that I needed to go to rehab for all the things I have lived through, from my parent’s divorce, war and moving between cities, living with different parents at different times and then going through drugs and all forms or awareness killers. I really, really needed the time to reconcile with all the things that happened in my life and move away from my destructive nature. I really needed the time to commit to my spiritual path and set my roots there.

Now, that I am out there, in the world, I realise how supportive my ashram life was. Yet, I always felt I need to get out of the safety and move on in a different direction. And now I see what all are the things I was protected from.

One of them is responsibility. Whatever you cannot learn in the ashram will wait for you outside. Before it was my mom who took full care of me, then it was additionally the ashram, and now I see I have to stop being such a baby and really take bigger responsibility for my life and work. Whether that means I will work in a bakery or be a company director – is irrelevant. I need to make my own decisions and take the punch for whatever the consequences come through. Without thinking a divine power or my mommy will forever protect me for ever having a tough experience.

I was so much in my comfort zone in the ashram, and that helped me become the strong person that I am today. The safe environment helped me get the best out of me and see that I have everything I need.

Here I am now, spreading my wings, bumping into real walls and figuring out how to live with people who do not have the same spiritual beliefs and attitudes like me. Learning how to live, when to let go, when not to. What to stand by, what to leave be. What all this says about who I am, and what I stand for.

_______________________________________________________________________

PUT JE POPLOČAN SMEĐIM CIGLAMA

Nitko mi nikad nije rekao da će put buđenja biti tako usran!

Odeš na tečaj oslobađanja od stresa i grozno se razboliš prije, tijekom ili nakon programa – i to ti se se zove ‘čišćenje’.

Pjevaš mantre i počneš plakati poput djeteta – ali budi svjestan da su to suze zahvalnosti, naravno, iako ti se unutrašnjost izokrenula iznutra na van.

Odeš na tečaj joge, i sva sranja počnu izlaziti, prvo te glava zaboli, osjećaš kao da je slonovske veličine sa svom tom boli.

Izabrao si oblik čišćenja koji najčešće uključuje veliku količinu kakanja. Najzdravija prehrana za detoksifikaciju je bezukusna i od nje imaš grčeve u crijevima. A tek nuspojave u obliku emocionalnih uragana.

Pretpostavljam da što više letiš, to dublje moraš prokopati. Sva sreća što znamo da postoji reinkarnacija, pa također i znamo da ne otpuštamo samo traume, utiske i vezanosti iz ovog života, već iz mnogih prijašnjih. Ima tu posla!

Pretpostavljam također da je moj duhovni put označen vraćanjem u sklad, nakon perioda ekstrema. Samo takav je taj put!

Svaki put kada shvatim koliko sam loša, shvaćam kako ima toliko malo toga što mogu napraviti kako bih to ispravila. Sve je u otpuštanju. Ne možeš zapravo otpustiti, jer to isto znači da radiš nešto, znači da ne otpuštaš. Dakle, otpusti, bez napora da otpustiš! Kako, čovječe?

PROMATRAM SVOJ PUT DO PAKLA

Još jedan način je promatranje. Promatraj. Aha. Pogotovo kad sam u emocionalnoj drami, toliko sam daleko od svog centra, od Sebe, svog bića, jedino što želim je vrištati i opirati se kako bi otišla još i dalje od sebe, kako bih se mogla utopiti u vlastitoj nesreći i nevoljenosti. Ali neeee. Moraš promatrati. A što to treba promatrati? Upravo ono što NE ŽELIŠ promatrati. Kad napokon počneš promatrati, moraš samog sebe provjeravati da nije da se samo pretvaraš da promatraš. “Promatram, ali i dalje je drama!” Onda to ne bi bilo TO. Ako uspiješ uistinu promatrati što se događa, i uspiješ potegnuti svoju lasersku pažnju na dio tijela gdje se sve skupa zakuhalo, onda uistinu odmah nestane. Ako se uspiješ dovući do te točke. I onda? Onda ponavljanje, ponavljanje, ponavljanje.

Na primjer, kada pričam o svojim ljubavnim problemima, ili nepostojećim ljubavnim štogod, ljudi mi kažu nesto poput: trebala bi nositi haljinice i šminkati se! Zbilja su mi to rekli. To je nešto što mi zbilja stišće gumbe (botune, dugmad). Ja sam queer, imam neuobičajene definicije roda, i osjećam da je rodna i spolna binarnost daleko od stvarnosti. Kada se osjećam kao dama, obučem se onako kako se u tom trenu OSJEĆAM. Kad se osjećam dečkasto, oblačim se dečkasto. Kad se osjećam kao dijete, obučem se kao dijete, a kada se osjećam kao odrasla osoba, obučem se kao odrasla osoba. Zašto bi, pobogu, nosila ženstveniju odjeću kako bih zadobila nečiju pažnju? Radije bih da me netko vidi u najgorem izdanju, kada sam manifestacija noćne more, drame i divlje sebe – i da kaže: Wow! Ova osoba je autentična, ovo je toliko suludo i to je netko s kim želim provoditi vrijeme – o da!

ANALIZA-PARALIZA

Imam nekoliko tendencija. Jedna od njih je da previse analiziram SVE. A druga je da se uvijek trudim sagledati stvari iz više od jednog kuta. Pogotovo iz kuteva koji su suprotni mom kutu. Svaki put kad me stisne nešto, napravim dvije stvari. Prvo, osudim osobu ili osobe. Uvjerim se da je moja prosudba ‘realistična’ i da je činjenica da drugi nisu u pravu. Onda idem u analizu svojih bolnih točaka, i pitam se zašto me nečije ponašanje uznemirilo. Što je to u meni da sam privukla osobu i situaciju u svoju stvarnost? Što sam htjela uvidjeti/naučiti o sebi kroz iskustvo s drugom osobom? Kao prvo, prosudba s moje strane samo znači da nisam prosvjetljena. Voljela bih da mogu upotrijebiti ono čemu me učitelj podučava i što i sama često iskusim: da je svaka osoba sastavljena od višeslojnih utisaka, osjećaja, reakcija itd. Štogod je moje iskustvo s tom osobom, to iskustvo je samo moje. Moguće je da postoje ljudi u njihovom životu, koji bi mogli istu identičnu situaciju potpuno drugačije doživjeti i protumačiti, nego što sam je ja doživjela. Dakle, osoba koju ja doživljavam ispred sebe se meni pokazala na način koji sam je ja privukla i kako sam je protumačila. Također, ta osoba nije samo nakupina ponašanja koja su samo meni vidljiva. Ta osoba je mnogo mnogo više od toga! Isto tako, svi smo rođeni nevini, i svi smo mi Božja djeca (da čak i oni zločesti), svi smo satkani od iste supstance u našem najdubljem središtu – od ljubavi i svjetlosti. Aaaaah.

Kao drugo, kako je moguće da ja sebi želim samo radost u životu, ali moja podsvijest privlači ljude i situacije koji mi ne donose čisto blaženstvo i sreću? Dakle, podsvijest je zeznuta stvar! Podsvijest kreira igrice, ples, igru života, ovog rođenja u ovaj život, na ovoj planeti. Kako bi ponovno otkrili sve ono što već znamo, ali je zakopano duboko untar nas samih. Kada bi svi bili svjesni i prosvjetljeni – gdje bi tu bila zabava? 7 bilijuna prosvjetljenih duša na planeti? Pretpostavljam da bi se dogodilo jedno mega ‘napuštanje tijela’ i to bi bio kraj života na zemlji. Ne bi više bilo potrebe ni za čim, zato što bi svi bili nevezani i netaknuti događanjima, karmom, ljudima – i što onda? Nema ratova, nema dijeljenja, nema brige jednih za druge, nema bolesti, nema sreće, nema ničeg! Bilo bi se dosadno inkarnirati!

SVAKI DAN NA RAZNE NAČINE UČIM NOVE STVARI

Danas i svaki dan shvaćam nevjerojatne lekcije. Danas sam shvatila još jednom kako nas život može baš tući, i kako nas može brižno njegovati – kroz istu osobu! Svo znanje koje Gdin. G dijeli s nama se baš može doživjeti. Kaže ovako: “Nikada ne znamo kada se prijatelj može pretvoriti u neprijatelja i obrnuto”. To je stvarno istina. Iskusila sam to, zato znam. Shvatila sam isto kako nam percepcija može biti jako ograničena. Na primjeru roditelja. Kad smo bili djeca, svašta smo doživjeli s njima. Kasnije  u životu, ovisno o tome s kim se osjećaš bliskije u datom trenutku, s majkom ili s ocem, ili sa sobom, preuzmeš percepciju te situacije  koja više ide u prilog toj osobi s kojom si bliskiji. Isto tako, nekada ne razumijemo ljude i ne vidimo ih onakvima kakvi jesu. To može biti tako neko određeno vrijeme. Za neke, možda i cijeli život. Nekad, negdje, moguće je, da ti se stav prema toj osobi ili razumijevanje te osobe toliko promijeni da kažeš: Bila sam u krivu što sam te osuđivala cijelo ovo vrijeme! U nekom trenu shvatiš što je bila istina. U jednom periodu razumiješ da je istina drugačija, da ti je viđenje bilo ograničeno, a u drugom trenu je manje ograničeno. Da si od samog početka već imao finalno viđenje, propustio bi trenutak promjene viđenja, a to je toliko dragocjen trenutak! Kad dođe do toga da ti se percepcija promijeni, i odjednom vidiš sve puno jasnije nego prije – je predivno razdoblje… Puno svjesnosti, oprosta i olakšanja.

Znaš, u zadnje vrijeme mi je baš bilo naporno. Trenutak kada su stvari toliko teške je prošao. Sada je toliko lijepo, toliko divno, puno blaženstva i mira, da uopće ne žalim što je bilo turbulentno. Suprotnosti se nadopunjuju – tako jednostavna izjava (još jedna verzija zrnca mudrosti od Sri Sri-ja). Uistinu je to tako.

Još sam naučila:

Svjesnost sebe, svoje vlastite netaknute prirode. Ženstvena snaga, muški stav. Moj uspjeh i rast je na neki način uspjeh i rast mojih roditelja. Nema potrebe da skrivam svoju ljubav i dobrotu.

AŠRAMSKA BEBICA UČI LETJETI

Shvatila sam da sam živjela u prelijepom balončiću i opirala sam se lekcijama koje sam trebala naučiti. Opet sam danas čula da je jedini način da naučiš nove stvari i kreneš dalje iz teških razdoblja, osjećaja i situacija, je da prođeš ravno KROZ sve to. Proživiš ih do kraja.

Može biti prelijepo živjeti u ašramu, brinuti se za svoj unutarnji svijet, i ignorirati ili staviti sa strane cijeli vanjski svijet. I to je ono što mi je zbilja bilo potrebno. Znam da su ljudi proživjeli i gore, ali osjećam da mi je zbilja bila potrebna rehabilitacija od svih stvari koje sam proživjela – od rastave braka roditelja, rata i seljakanja između gradova, do života malo s jednim, pa malo s drugim roditeljem i na kraju proživljavanje drogiranja i ostalih puteva kojima se svjesnost uguši. Stvarno mi je vrijeme bilo potrebno da se pomirim sa svim stvarima koje su mi se izdogađale u životu, da se udaljim od svoje vlastite destruktivne prirode. Trebalo mi je to vrijeme da se posvetim svom duhovnom putu i tu dobro pustim korijenje.

Sada, kada sam vani u svijetu, shvaćam koliko je život u ašramu bio podržavajuć. Također, uvijek sam osjećala potrebu da se maknem iz te sigurne okoline i krenem u jednom drugom  smjeru. Sada tek vidim koje su to stvari od kojih sam bila zaštićena.

Jedna od tih stvari je odgovornost. Štogod nisi savladao u ašramu, dočekat će te tamo vani.

Ranije je majka bila ta koja se sasvim brinula za mene, zatim ašram, a sada vidim da moram prestati biti bebica i uistinu preuzeti veću odgovornost za svoj život i posao. Bilo da to znači da ću raditi u pekari ili biti direktorica – je nevažno. Moram donositi svoje vlastite odluke i primiti udarac za posljedice svojih postupaka. Bez da uvijek mislim da bez obzira što napravim, mamica ili ašramić će me pokriti i neće dopustiti da imam teško iskustvo.

Toliko sam bila umotana u svoju zonu komfora u ašramu, i to mi je pomoglo da postanem snažnija osoba danas. Ta sigurna okolina mi je pomogla da se osjećam sigurno, i da iz tog prostora izvučem ono najbolje od sebe i da osjetim da imam sve što mi treba.

Sada sam tu gdje jesam, širim svoja krila, zabijam se u stvarne zidove i pokušavam otkriti kako živjeti s ljudima koji nemaju ista duhovna uvjerenja i stavove kao i ja. Učim kako živjeti, kada otpustiti, kada ne. Iza čega stajati, a čemu dati da ode. Što ovo sve govori o tome tko ja uistinu jesam, i što predstavljam.

[embracingthemoon-blog-blog]

Day 7 - Your best friend

So, this post is going to be 75 years long because I have SIX best friends. Yes that is correct... there are 6 of them and they are each a important part of my life.

Hillary/ Hill/ Hilly

We have been best friends since the day you were born. I never knew that I needed a sister until growing up with you. We did everything together and I am so appreciative that our parents forced us to be friends because I admire you so much. We are complete opposites of each other - you are the artisty one and I'm the sporty, girly one. We constantly talk about how we would not have been friends if we had met in high school and I completely agree but I am so grateful to have you in my life. Our souls are connected, we have such similar hearts and values, we care about others and that is how we work. You are the person that I know I can always call when I am having a really rough time in my life and you will support me through and through. We have been connected for 24 years and counting. I made a promise to you on the day that your mom died that I would never leave you and I plan to stick to that promise for the rest of my life. You will be the godmother to my first child and you truly are a beautiful soul inside and out. Thank you for always telling me how it is, being protective over me and loving me unconditionally as I do you. You deserve everything in this world because you have proved to me time and time again that hardships do not have to define you but rather can inspire you to work harder and make the best out of any situation. I love you so much and can’t not thank you enough for being such a constant in my life through everything.

Kathryn 

My other half, you are truly the most beautiful human being inside and out I've ever met. You are so kind, caring, sweet, nice, stunning, funny, chill, and easy going. You care about your friends so much and you make me feel so loved always. I am constantly telling you how perfect you are and I know you get embarrassed by it but I am telling the truth. You are so easy to talk to and every time we hang out, I always have a blast with you whether it is just watching a movie, scrolling through Instagram or going to Ireland together. You are came into my life when I did not expect to need you and have never left my side since. We have been best friends for 10 years now which is crazy but the moment that it all connected with me was during junior year, I was having a sleepover at your house and we were talking about Ravel and I started telling you things I had never told anyone and the amount of trust I put in you with that information just proved to me how great of a best friend you are. You have always supported me, you give me the best advice, and you are always down for whatever adventure I come up with. Your family has adopted me as one of their own and you emulate the love, kindness, and humor that is the Gallo family. I appreciate you in every way possible and thank you for being my other Scorpio. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH KAT AND THANKS FOR DOING LIFE WITH ME.

Shianne 

I do not think I fully understood what having a best friend was like until I met you. Our bond was slow to develop for sure but you truly are my twin flame. I feel the most connected with you - emotionally, spiritually, mentally, everything. I can tell you anything and everything that has ever come to my mind and I know that you would never judge me. We have such deep, emotional, and thought provoking conversations and I truly cherish every moment spent together. We compliment each other so well and we bring out the best in one another while pushing each other out of our comfort zones. You truly are my rock and the person that although we may not speak every single day, you are so important to me. You are an amazing listener and even when you have no idea what to say or how to help me - you always let me get everything off my chest and allow me to find a solution at the end of every problem. I love you so much and thank you for being my spontaneous travel buddy, podcast co-star, and emotional support system in every aspect of my life. You the real MVP homie. 

Ally

You are my person, my favorite, you are the most like me personality wise and I just relate to you on an emotional level. Thank you for being my best friend since 2012 but really accepting our friendship in 2013. You are a huge motivator in my life, you the best hype woman I never even knew I needed. You constantly are pushing me to be a better person and I truly would designate you one of my soulmates in life. I never understood having someone love me so much while holding me accountable to keep pursing my passions and dreams. I love you with my literal entire heart and I can honestly say I do not know what I would do without you. I had no idea when we became friends where this friendship would go but distance has only proven to make us stronger. You are such a stable in my life that I think I would be lost or devastated without you. You are one of the funniest humans I have ever met and you just exude confidence and I admire you so much for your work ethic and passion for what you do. Thank you for always believing in me and being proud of my accomplishments. I have never had a best friend who was so supportive and as dedicated to me as I am you and my other best friends. ily always! 

Victoria

I have never connected to someone to instantly as I did you. The day that we actually spoke to each other in Katie’s room was the day that I knew you were going to be in my life together. We instantly became best friends and our friendship just came so effortlessly and I just knew that you were meant to be in my life for a long time. I have never been so mentally and emotionally on the same wavelength with anyone else before. Anything I am feeling or dealing with, 9/10 times you are also going through that same exact feeling and it so nice to be able to talk so deeply and emotionally with someone else who just gets it. You understand me better than most people and I truly can not explain how much I appreciate you. You are such an amazing best friend and you are a boss ass bitch. I had no idea that when we became friends I would need you for the rest of my life. You are such a fire of passion and self awareness and you constantly are motivating me to be a better person whether you know that or not. You are destined for greatness and just know I will always be standing by your side even when you become president of the US one day! I love you so much and I just want you to know that I am grateful for every Red’s trip and you being the Mac to my Miller (RIP). 

Clara

My child, my best friend, my little. You are truly a light in my life. You are such a perfect human in my eyes and you were the final puzzle piece I needed when it came to my best friends. You are such a strong, dedicated, motivated, excited, loving human and you exemplify what being an amazing friend is like. We have been through it all together - heartbreaks, emotional breakdowns, success stories and I would not want to go through that without you. You give the best advice and I always know that I can count on you to keep it real with me and get deep with me. Our relationship is so unique because of that fact that we have a mentor type relationship, but I think the beauty in our friendship is that we equally go back and forth on the mentoring. I truly believe you have taught me equally as I have taught you within these last five years. I am so happy that I am able do life with you and having you in my life only brings me pure happiness. I literally love you so much and I am just glad that you are equally aware that you are stuck with me for the rest of our lives. Thank you for loving me so deeply and always having my back even in the weirdest scenarios!