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Worried by signs of aging but not in a "freakish capitalist beauty standard 85 step skincare routine obsession with youth" way, more of a "any marker of the passage of time reminds me that sadly I am not an immortal vampire so I need to rush around constantly and learn to prioritize because I will unfortunately not have 1000+ years to explore every single hobby and academic subject on planet earth (even though in a fair world i WOULD be able to do so)" way
#''but how could you keep going? how could you be immortal knowing everyone you love - everyone around you will perish#as the years go on whilst only YOU remain?? ToT'' because who cares. did you know I could master like 25 instruments? next question#^(not suprising coming from the person who regularly makes characters within the archetype of ''who needs other people when I#have my academic studies/craft/whatever they're focused on'' lol) <(and GENUINELY so!!!! NOT the obnoxious trope of ''i THINK that I#don't need other people and only care about my studies but then I meet a spunky group of adventurers/a love interest/etc and suddenly#am transformed into a romance loving extrovert and recognize i was wrong all along and probably just repressed or something because obviou#sly all human brains are the same and nobody can ever be born with any variance or deviation that genuinely reudces their social#capacity its always just that we're kinda sad :( but im in love now and am ''fixed'' as a person yipee hooray! i have learned#the moral lesson that i actually dont have to be so fixated on my work (god forbid i spend most of my time doing stuff i ENJOY) and#can 'let loose' a little and start spending the weekends with my lovely new group of frieinds'' .. NOT that trope lol.. my nerds are#NEVER ''''cured'''' of their hermit nerdness. I shall stand by that!!.. anyway lol)#I think I started wishing I was immortal at like.. 8 years old?? NOT some sort of boring technoimmortalilty where i'm in a computer body#or something - that's way too rife with issues I think. Good old classic mostly invincible never aging body vampire style immortality#I think because I enjoy the tactile nature of things and the process of learning. I like the pages on a book as I read. the clay in my hand#whilst I sculpt. Not just '*robot voice* yipeee. I have downloaded the Piano.Info file successfully to my brainscape and now am an expert#immediately. i shall use my 15 robot arms to clonk on my DigiKeyboard3000 now. huz-zah.''#Unless they build android bodies that are literally in all ways 100% indistinguishable from a human form and have full senses and where you#still have to learn skills from scratch and there are no technology companies involved whatsoever and capitalism doesn't exist anymore
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thoughts on dave and aradia (<>)?
day 356
BIG fan tbh. in this house we love and respect timerails
truly yall read this log and tell me theyre not cute
#day 356#year 4#dave strider#aradia megido#aradave#homestuck#she really saw this kid and was like OH YOU HAVE ISSUES WITH YOUR MORTALITY?? :D#boy do i have some relevant life experience and wisdom to impart on THAT ISSUE SPECIFICALLY#and then she just. very gently and kindly makes the subject more approachable for ghostdave#the pesterlog i linked is literally my FAVORITE aradia moment. to me it is THE character defining moment for god tier aradia#yes she is being kind of ominous and trickstery at first#but it VERY quickly becomes clear shes got genuine concern for this kid she's had very little to do with up until this point#she really wants to connect with him over their shared time aspect stuff#and she really DOES care about how he feels about everything. she wants to help and she wants to put him at ease#because she KNOWS from experience that being dead and having to cope with what that means for you is like VERY UPSETTING AND TRAUMATIC#shes not just like. 'hee hee i think death is great and awesome because im edgy'#shes like 'no dude being dead is scary if you dont have anybody to explain this shit to you. so im going to explain it-'#'-and hopefully by the end of this conversation you will have some new things to feel relief and maybe even joy and excitement about'#'not just in spite of the death thing but BECAUSE of it'#i know shes spooky and has weirdgirl swag and we all love that about her but like#at her core she is a very KIND person. she may occasionally struggle to connect to people through the Death Special Interest Haze#but she WANTS to and when she DOES she is like. a genuinely very warm and comforting presence for her friends#ANYWAY. if andrew hussie or i guess james roach now want to give me an honorary doctorate for my 12+ years of intensive aradia studies#i will be here waiting patiently#timerails
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Seungmin saying they changed song by so it would be easier for people to watch and listen and then me seeing people going "Yes! It's good it's on tiktok and shorts now" and I'm like. Oh. You're all so fucking stupid <3
#half the videos were 10 minutes long#and i say this as an ADHD HAVER MYSELF#if you cant watch something that inst filled with bright colours yelling and childish humour#or a fucking tiktok length#like. well I have nothing to say to you actually highly doubtful you'd even read this far tbh 👍#like we'll never get anything more earnest and serious from skz again if things keep going this way#like the fact these no attention span people keep being catered too is so........... No#same with the songs- I complained about the songs all being fucking 2 minutes 20 seconds#like we all know its b/c of ig reels tiktok and yt shorts we all know this but Fuck who cares lets just go along i guess#i don't think people should watch stuff they are not interested in. i really don't.#but the amount of comments i read on those videos that were just so Nothing#no thought at all#idk like maybe try to listen to what hes saying and formulate anything outside of 'Omg best vocal best visual how many international fans?!#yk what i mean?#you bothered to watch it how about using your brain a little#also makes his whole Im Trying To Get A Moment in all the codes lowkey like.... yeah you pretty much do have to do that huh#like. they cant have down days or quiet days. Just be on all the time and be acting and funny all the time b/c thats all anyone wants-#so cool#there's no room for earnestness. no room for being a little thoughtful and serious. nuh uh#hopefully he does go back to explaining his thoughts after the tour but tbh I dont have a lot of hope for that :)
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adding onto my last rant from a while ago a little bit, it is fascinating how many people in this fandom completely miss the point of tsumugis character and misconstrue what hes actually about which, ironically, is just what eichi did. and its done in such a similar fashion too, such as making assumptions about his motives, his family relationship, and missing the point in why he chooses to look the way he does. and, time and time again, eichi has been proven to be WRONG about tsumugi. he misunderstood him deeply, and now its eichi whos stuck mourning the past while tsumugi has long since moved on, not the other way around, as tsumugi is on the path of getting his happy ending. and i dont get why people keep trying to take this positivity from him
(s. element epilogue 2)
#sorry for harping on this stuff alot it just genuinely sucks seeing a character you love be so widely misunderstood#especially when if you really think about it#tsumugi is about as blunt and honest as they come#you dont always need to read deeper into a character. you dont always need to psychoanalyze every part of them#you dont need to reason everything#sometimes people just Are Some Kind Of Way#and eichi failed to understand that and made the wrong assumption about tsumugi#and i feel like this fandom keeps doing the same thing#because he can do and say unconventional things#and when he makes jokes he sounds super alarming or like an utter freak#its frustrating when people continuously doubt tsumugis words when he speaks so earnestly about his life#hes honest to a fault. he has no reason to lie#you can argue that “ohhh tsumugi just doesnt realize how fucked up he is!” and like Yea sure theres an element of that#but ive always read the point of his character to be him overcoming these hardships#because he cares so fucking deeply about every single person around him#and he never assumes malice. because he is such a genuinely kind hearted guy#and what makes tsumugi so interesting is that he can kind of SUCK at getting that across#because no matter what people never understand his actions or intents because of how weirdly he acts#and neither does this fandom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#natsume and tsumugi are built on being opposites. if natsume is a known liar surely we can put two and two together?#theres alot more that can be said on this topic and ive been meaning to for a while but honestly i just dont have the energy or brainpower#also i dont want this to read like im yucking anyones yum. its just frustrating as someone who is very mentally ill about these characters#he has clearly endured traumas too like im not ignoring that. its super obvious. but his character is about love and growth#you can go through literal HELL and be on the brink of SUICIDE and still end up a happy loving and forgiving person#and i think thats what his character is about#nat rambles#nats enst posting
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I'm kinda tired of dungeon meshi fans blatantly misinterpreting Kabru's goals, motivations, and character so they can ship him with Laios...like obviously it's awesome if you enjoy Laikabu but can you nooot twist Kabru's intentions for involving himself with the guy who constantly triggers his monster trauma and pisses him off so bad he gets brain damage so that he turns into "the guy who wants to suck Laios's dick" as his entire character? I've even seen people cut off Kabru's words to make it seem like he is admiring Laios because it would disrupt that narrative
#how can you think marcille hates laios and kabru wants to fuck him that's not.......canon.....#every time I see stuff of them it’s people being like 'oh kabru loves it so much when laios reminds him of his traumatic past'#be it his eyes/monsters/or the succubus thing 'he just HAS to fuck laios'#kui was noooooot intending for kabru to be lusting after that man!!!#i love laios but come ON why dont you actually care about KABRU tooooo#for l4bru to actually work one of them would have to suppress a big part of themselves and its ALWAYS on kabru it’s so insufferable#it's just like how some people misconstrued fem!toshiro blushing about laios to be her crushing on him when it was obv the same discomfort#but it made the microaggressions even worse because of the gender difference AS WELL as the culture difference#SIGH#i prommis ryoko kui did not create kabru so he can think about sucking laioss humungous donger all day fhsdkfhskjh#L4ikabu is the worst case I’ve seen of people twisting things for their ship because it’s literally just not true…#blatant misreading of the text goes crazy!!!!#like sure they're foils but what about the actual dynamic...w8 don't think about that actually cuz yoikes lol#obviously not threatening anyone who ships them please just stop saying it's canon oh my g#pwease actually read what kabru says he lays it out really clearly and has a super interesting backstory that drives his actions 🥲#i dont expect anyone to read this because im not using a tag but if u do then...🫢���#i dont understand y ppl like it so much when laios ignores kabru so hard KABRU DESERVES BETTER#I’ve never felt like this about any ship before wow it just makes me 🫷
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the difference between what people like on twitter vs what people like on tumblr from me is kinda mind blowing
#like this latest pic is the biggest discrepancy#people on twitter love it when i talk about the game or try to make a smart subtle commentary about it#but on tumblr people really dont seem to care or understand tf2 the game or rocket jumping or things like that- which is fine#thats why i have both#i just feel like I get more people who openly come and talk to me about that sort of thing here on tumblr#vs barely getting anything nearly as curious or engaged on twitter#yet the notes do be wilding for gaming stuff compared to here#i couldn't really tell you what does better on tumblr compared to twitter tho#but ye just interesting#i wonder what it is about twitter thats got more gaming people#its probably an age thing#this isn't me complaining btw i just see it a lot and i find it fascinating#by in large i'd assume the tumblr fanbase care more for the characters themselves and not the state of the game or how it feels to play it#Its nice to see two different sides ot a fanbase
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help me i've gotten so deep into the steddie rabbit hole i haven't gotten this stuck on something since destiel
this really isn't good for my health
THESE ARE THE FICS THAT I SUBSCRIBED TO / LIKED READING (I'VE BASICALLY READ 1/5 WORTH OF STEDDIE FICS COMPARED TO DESTIEL FICS - I GOT INTO DESTIEL 4 YRS AGO, I ONLY STARTED READING STEDDIE FICS SOME TIME LAST MONTH WTF)
tbf, i have taken breaks from destiel to read other fandoms/fics so, ig the timing works out? if you think about it?
#steddie#destiel#fics#ao3#also if anyone comes across this post i can rec you some of my absolute favs#these stats for my fics don't even include the ones i finished but didn't enjoy all that much#or the ones i abandoned halfway through even though it was like 100k words#i really dont care if i've spent hours reading it#i literally just leave if i get slightly annoyed by the writing#i'm not kidding#it's a problem#but also not really?#i'm just complaining for the sake of it#also i never got into stranger things fics for some reason even though i watched all of the show#idk why#i think it's bc i watched the show w/ my dad? so i felt weird to read fics about it?#like i considered it a family show for some reason#and for some reason reading fics for that was off limits??#idk#i also i'm getting scared that i won't ever be interested in my other fandoms again bc of how much i am invested in steddie stuff#this was exactly like destiel though#i just gotta get it out of my system#i have no idea why i'm so scared of losing interest in my other fandoms#also if anyone is wondering where these stats are coming from i made a spreadsheet of all the works i like#it's basically a replica of my subscriptions list because when i started ao3 i acted like the subscribe button functioned like bookmarks an#now i cant go back#so instead of transferring everything i just took the time to make a spreadsheet and basically code the functions myself#which arguably took more time to do than if i transferred everything#i would share the list but i'm sort of embarrassed of the stuff that's on there#if anyone is curious i have 676 fics stored on it
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do you wanna hear my shark headcanons
#do you ever really like a character that the show is just not about#i know this is me talking out of my ass because i literally spent the whole show watching him but like#theres a lot of stuff about him that could have been explored that was just kinda dropped after being brought up once#(all the characters are like this lmao but i dont care about them i only care about the shark)#like#he didnt grow up in japan. he lost his family violently. he wasnt scouted for sun vulcan - he volnteered.#you can tell his dad was kind from the way he assumes other fathers to act. his nightmares are about his little brother.#HE'S COOL AND INTERESTING I SWEAR PLEASE DONT LEAVE
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So why are you so angry at ofmd fans spending money on a billboard but not a word about all the companies next to that billboard doing the same instead of donating that money? Sounds really like youre just hating illogically on a fandom while ignoring the systematic problem of capitalism.
You still eat at Starbucks and McDonalds don't you?
#anon#it takes like one good scroll to see all these posts about boycotting companies that support Israel#so that already tells me you dont look into this stuff yourself if this was the first thought you wanted to have#anyways yall gonna make a billboard for all the Black shows that were also canceled at the same time ofmd was canceled#or do yall only care about fighting for representation when it comes to white gays' specific interests and dont include black lgbt groups?
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recent things and such~
#photo diary#image 1 - kind of interesting lacy looking clouds. Image 2 - pinky purple sunset stuff#image 3 - These REALLY cool flowers I saw in a field ? growing wild so like.. weeds I guess. but I like the color of them and how the#petals are small and layered. Image 4 & 5 - More recent hair growth progress. I still think it will never get much longer because#it's been basically the same lenght for multiple years now BUT I do feel like maybe it's getting like... just the tiniest bit longer?? Just#not as obvious of progress as the first few years. Like now if I take it out of the braids and actually hold it so it goes straight down th#very tips of the hair on one side goes down to the tip of my pointer finger. and on the other side goes a little past my thumb. and I#remember maybe last year or two years ago it was only to my knuckles or like midway down my thumb. so.. perhaps it's not reached a#maximum genetic possible length just YET as I'd thought it had maybe lol.. perhaps I could slowly gain a cenitmeter or two#here and there gjbjh.. Unfortunately incredibly doubtful it will ever be down to my knees though as I had wished. oh well.#image 6 - writing again... as always... Slowly chipping away... And looking for ways to make it go faster lol. The original premise was 8#main characters with 6 quests for each. Then it was 5 with 6 quests. Now it's 4 with 4 quests each. And even that I'm like hmm... what#about having only 3... so it could be done faster... lol.. I think mostly just because I have no gaurantee of investment. So it's like#I could spend years and years doing 500.000+ words of writing and then have about 3 people total actually play the game and nobody cares#and nothing ever comes of it. You know? So I have to balance that somehow. And rather that put out the 100% complete version#be putting out like 'here's ENOUGH of it for you to see what the concept is and what it's like. and IF theres any investment then I#can put in the effort to finish the few bits that I left in more of a preview form'' type of thing. And then it's like.. well if I'm#limiting the initial scope anyway - how much is enough to cut away? and how much would be TOO much? etc. etc. I'm pretty sure I#already have it down to a balanced minimum but some days when I'm very stressed over my ability to actually finish anything I'm like..#ehhhh..maybe I could make another main character into a side character.. as a treat lol..#image 7 - cabbage noodle beef stir fry sort of thing. As usual I kind of cook the beef too long because I'm afraid of getting sick if it's#underdone despite preferring medium rare steak lol.. Funnily because usually making something at home has the advantage of you#being able to do it Exactly The Way You Like It whereas me cooking meat is often like.. ah yes.. the worse way that I dont even like. love#to make a tough chewy anxiously overcooked protein puck for myself. :3 Images 8 - 10 -- various plants from the deck. though#some of these pictures are old and they're no longer alive lol.. Most of my plants actually do live through the winter because I#painstakingly move them inside and outside and inside and outside depending on the temperatures. But sometimes.. one cannot#help but be lost. Especially the temperature change sometimes can make them more prone to mold and stuff. and humidity is#hard to control indoors. There's always one or two that deteriorate despite my best efforts. But that's better than every single one of the#dying because they alll freeze when it gets to 20F one night and I left them outside or something lol#ANYWAY.. hrm.. still working on friend quiz thing... and sculptures.. and videos maybe?? costumes... rghhhghhrrr.. (< to do list angst)
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Aus that are so divorced from the source material as to be entirely unrecognizable if the names were changed. Fic of Theseus
#not fallout#kal talks#not a diss btw i think its kind of fascinating#i dont usually care for aus so i dont really read them. if im reading a fic about certain characters i want them to feel like they belong#in their world#and some aus just abandon literally anything canon and go off and do their own stuff to the point that you COULD easily#change the names and have produced your own original fiction#anyway again i think its really interesting personally just bc i dont get the draw#some people's creative energy is boundless
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had an odd dream that i was reading a comic book. sketched a couple of the pages i could remember.
#i might adapt this into an actual story because i am SO SO SO mad that it isn't a thing i can go back to reading#oc#im definitely keeping the concept of save-bot i fucking love save-bot he's just doing his best. i love a robot who wants to help people#im not equipped to be writing about underground rebellions with any sense of real tact though#besides its in a superhero universe/story so you know it would just be so sucks lol#sketch#god the colors were so interesting. the teal parts were all very precisely crosshatched and the fire was this gorgeous brush pen looking#colored inks that just seemed like they were MOVING#and i mean some of that was because i was dreaming but god even in my halfhearted copy you can see some of the movement#it was a bad scene but a really really REALLY fun dream. i love when a book can *get* to me so i was really enjoying it#put it aside so i could take a break and woke up. instant fury at the universe for not having it be a real book instead#ill reblog with details if anyone's curious. i can explain this scene but i dont feel like it#the green people are in a secret basement though. hiding from the government. blue jacket guy is a speedster robot named save-bot who does#rescue stuff with every fire department so fire suppression technology is not very good because save-bot "can just save you''#however they're badly over their legal occupancy and the secret basement has One (1) exit so everyone is like really fucked here.#includinig save-bot who is going to do his job until he dies because he is an ai without any sense of self preservation and he cares#which i didn't even CATCH until i woke up and started tryin to frantically note everything down#and then i was like wait. the glitter on that last page before i realized i needed a glass of water to keep reading... what WAS that...#(it was tears suspended in midair because save-bot goes so fast and also knows he's so fucked LOL)#seriously i'm so mad someone else didn't make this.
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I'm gonna just post Twitter updates for the time being... I'm still a little burnt out on posting updates but I don't want to completely get out of the habit and Twitter updates are usually the easiest to post
#instagram updates are usually a bit more interesting/people tend to interact with them more#but theyre honestly such a pain bc u cant download stuff directly#plus honestly a lot of their ig posts lately have been various brand deals which i honestly dont care about#and it may sound silly but it gets a bit depressing for me to have to keep posting it#not saying theres anything wrong with it#its just one of those aspects of the fandom im not as interested in#and when that's like.. the main thing im interacting with via updates it does not feel fun#i want to try and catch up with chinalines variety shows theyve been doing recently#so i might livepost some reactions/funny things while im watching bc i think that will be more fun#i definitely haven't lost interest in svt im super pumped to see them in concert agin even if jun wont be there :')#i just think i need to take a step back and reevaluate how im interacting with the fandom so its a bit more fun#and feels like less of a chore#thank you for being patient with me!#melia.txt
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actively disliking jane crocker is a huge red flag BTW
#you dont have to like her but ACTIVELY hating her?? fucking. dude#such an interesting multifaceted character but yknow. shes a Woman#we cant possibly care about a Woman!#i cant even comment on ppl being way more unforgiving towards female characters misdeeds because. the bad stuff she did was LITERALLY UNDER#MIND CONTROL???????#like you could not get LESS culpable in an action CMON#homestuck#jane crocker#alastop
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my laptops like super fucking dead and its gonna be a couple days before i can get a new one so uh. have a ghost roxas au doodle from procreate instead. returning to my roots i suppose. do not ask me to explain the story context for this or whats going on because i will not explain ok. you can figure it out yourself <-( theres absolutely not enough information for you to figure it out for yourself )
#doodles#kingdom hearts#sora#roxas#ghost roxas au#my goal is to make a story as hard to understand as kh lore itself#aka not that complicated but people love being dramatic about it#eheh#anyways man on one hand i would love to tell this story as just a comic. bc i think im better at storytelling visually#but also i. really like writing shitty prose#idk ive written an absurd amount for this au#idk if youre at all even interested in this au lemme know if youd prefer a comic or a fic#if i do a fic id probably do art to go with it#sigh idk sticking to one feels really limiting to me#bc i dont think i can like. convey the emotions id like to do with just a comic#but i also naturally feel a bit more inclined to do a visual format since im more comfortable than that#with that* sorry im tired#idk maybe i could do a comic w some optional stuff to read as a supplement#i wish there was an easier way to mix the formats#anyways idk if anyone even cares about this au its mostly a self indulgent little project for me#but if you do care lmk#ok i have to get up early so im gonna. go to sleep. <- lying
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Really into the episode of Ouran where this girl confesses her love to Mori but he doesn’t feel the same because he’s into Honey and the girl’s reaction is just like YIPPEE I LOVE YAOI THATS SO COOL FOR YOU YAY 🥰
#the klock keeps ticking#ouran high school host club#i watched ouran when i was 13 and repressed ah the classic experience yes yes#and i always said id rewatch but never did. until now cuz im going through something#im like halfway through and yeah id say theres quite a lot that ages like milk lol#like mostly just the way haruhi is treated is just. bad lol#a good thing is i like how haruhi personally feels about their own gender where they really honestly dont fucking care#which was a big relief cuz similar cases will have the ‘secret girl’ character either be really defensive#or you know. be like a naoto where its actually just the most uncomfortable thing ever#but the problem is the way that tamaki and occasionally the twins are like really obsessed with the girl thing#and constantly want haruhi to take on a feminine role cuz that wouldnt threaten their sexuality as much#tamaki in general is written so fucking weird lol and i do remember being based back then and hating him#and i never liked him with haruhi like im sorry hes just the worst option#hes capable of being funny when hes not being weird but I think he still ends up feeling horribly written#like when hes having his DRAMATIC LOVE INTEREST moments they just feel so horribly out of place#and theyre often times just badly aged tropes also the way haruhi is written in relation to the other members is weird#like i can see why theyd like the other characters but ive not really seen any reasons for them to like tamaki#but then the show will just randomly be like ‘oh yes haruhi thinks tamaki is a lovely person’ and its like. ooookay?#its ass lol and im probably preaching to the choir but like. haruhi is way better with a woman right?#i just know some desperate ass bastards have made some haruhi/renge content and i get it#other than that stuff i dont like i will say i enjoy what exists outside of the weird haruhi stuff#i like the characters and the concept is very funny and the episodes where everyone is normal are charming#and you know i gotta appreciate it for the impact it had on lame ass gay people even if the queer content is messy#ouran was just like. what we had for a long time. or at least was the most popular anime that featured queerness in some positive capacity#but also like. as it goes with this stuff once youve gotten to see better representation#you look back and youre like wow. im so fucking glad we can do better than this dogshit 😩
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