#like you can't get this many words for three dollars anymore it's got so many words it's great | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

eldritchsurveys · 6 months ago

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1202.

flower crown: when did you last sing to yourself? >> I don't remember.

fairy lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know? >> I’m not sure I’d take that crystal ball up on that offer. I don’t trust anything that claims to know “the truth about anything”.

daisies: what is the greatest accomplishment of your life? >> Not killing myself, I imagine.

1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise? >> Memories don't just pop into my mind like that, they generally have to be triggered by something. If I try to spontaneously generate a happy memory I just get TV static in my mind. matte: if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? >> Probably not, unless it were to figure out how to avoid dying suddenly in a year.

black nail polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things? >> I do not have a bucket list. pantone: describe a person close to your life in detail. .

moodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood? >> I don't feel that way, no.

stars: when did you last cry in front of another person? >> I'm inclined to say February of last year. I am very diligent about not doing this anymore.

plants: pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them. .

converse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them? >> I doubt it, I'm not anywhere near that comfortable with vulnerability in front of others.

lace: when was your last 3am conversation with someone, and who were they to you? >> The only person I'm having conversations at 03:00 with is Can Calah, who is everything to me.

handwriting: if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one person, what would you say and to whom? .

cactus: what is your opinion on brown eyes? >> I don't have an opinion on brown eyes specifically.

sunrise: pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally. >> "Addition: As the days go by, we face the increasing inevitability that we are alone in a godless, uninhabited, hostile, and meaningless universe. Still, you've got to laugh, haven't you?" Hol the computer at the beginning of an episode of Red Dwarf. Honestly, it means exactly what it says to me. Red Dwarf is one of my comfort shows and it feels to me like this ethos is embedded in the fabric of its existence, and is part of why I feel so soothed by it.

oil paints: what would you title the autobiography of your life so far? >> I wouldn't write an autobiography.

overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars? >> I can't fathom that amount of money.

combat boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way? >> I am not a very forgiving person; I don't find the concept of forgiveness to be personally useful. I do tend to hold grudges, because it feels like a way to protect me from further harm -- this is flawed thinking, I know, but that's the way it is for now.

winged eyeliner: write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self. >> I would rather not.

pastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel? >> I wouldn't describe myself as either.

tattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain. >> I don't have any feelings about them. They're cool, next question.

piercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not? >> I don't, because I don't feel a need or desire to. It's fun to play with and I like the way it looks on me, but it's a lot of effort for no real purpose.

bands: talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way. >> The way bands/songs/lyrics affect my life is esoteric and visceral and doesn't make for good storytelling. messy bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them. . cry baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel. >> I have been to way too many concerts for this kind of question. grunge: who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say? .

space: do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organised/not organised? >> I have a desk but I don't use it as a desk. It just has my other computer on it (I sit on my bed to use it) and a couple of lamps and some miscellany. white bed sheets: what is your night time routine? >> Brush my teeth, change into sleep clothes, put on lotion if I remember, sometimes I grab an ice pack to put on my chest for a half hour for nervous system regulation, do my Flight Rising dailies, take my birth control when my alarm goes off, go to bed. old books: what’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know? .

beaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why? .

eyes: pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do? >> I don't even know five people well enough to go on a trip with them.

11:11: name three wishes and why you wish for them. .

painting: what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up. . lightning: what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high? >> I... have no idea? Got into stupid fights? IDK. thunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars? .

storms: you on only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why? . love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realise you’re in love. >> I don't know, really. I assume not. Like, I am in a permanent state of being in love with Bruni and Can Calah, but that doesn't feel like something that I "fell into" or whatever. It just feels natural. clouds: if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair? >> In a totally unpredictable plot twist, I happen to wear both really really short hair and black nail polish.

coffee: what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone? >> When I go to coffee shops, I generally order some form of latte (either coffee or tea). Often something herbal or kinda weird-tasting, nothing overly sweet.

marble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now? >> My existence?

#surveys #survey #random survey

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strawberry-nugget · 3 years ago

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𝙈𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙈𝙪𝙨𝙞𝙘 | E.Kirishima x Reader

Pairing: Kirishima/ reader, Bakugo/ reader (mentioned)

Summary: You shouldn't want him and he shouldn't want you, it's sinful and forbidden. But he can't help coming back to you, and you can't do anything but take him in every single time. Until today that is.

Word Count: 3.6k

Warnings: Aged up characters (twenties), NSFW 18+, plot with some p//rn but it's not very detailed, unprotected sex (please use condoms everyone), cheating, casual penetrative sex, jealousy, the seggz is pretty vanilla though

↪A/N: tennis player Kirishima, tennis player Kirishima, idk how I came up with it but I can't get it out of my head, written for @doinmybesthere 's 3k event collab and based on The Hills by the Weeknd, don't be shy to tell me if you liked it, I almost wrote 4k in a day which is unusual for me

5.30pm [Missed Call: Red]

5.31pm [Missed Calls(2): Red]

The bubbling notifications are spamming your phone, each call, succeeding the other in persistence and length, making your phone crawl onto your coffee table in restless buzzing. To your salvation the device is on silent; you're just unable to bear the overwhelming sound of your ringtone echo through the empty walls of your apartment, to let it bounce between concrete like a slimy ball, only for it to hit you on the face with tremendous force.

It's one of those days that you can't answer Kirishima. Too perplexed in the wields of your mind, blaming yourself for this horrendous situation, delivering raw swears at him for simply existing.

You don't know how it came to this nor when was the exact moment things switched. Was it at the party that you met him? Or the thousandth time you took him in and let him ruin relationship after relationship. Either way it was horrible for not only you, but also him, and all the people that have been caught up in the sidelines of this rotten affair.

You shouldn't want this anymore and truly, you don't. You're tired of being the second choice, of hiding behind your little finger, crying yourself to sleep at night, only to put on a sultry face for every time he comes. Once, twice a month.

[New Messages: Red]

Babe, you there?

Read 5.38pm

[New Messages: Red]

Babe I got practice at 8.

I know you're reading those.

Read 5.39pm

[Red is typing…]

[New Messages: Red]

I'm outside btw

A fresh, tremendously sharp wave of anxiety rushes through you at the little notification -it can't be like this again, not today. The thudder in your chest is unbearable, heart too weak to stomach the weight of your decision, fingers too reluctant to type out your response.

He's probably smirking while staring at his phone, not a single care in his head. It's loathing to your mind as you confirm your speculation, shooting a glance out of your window, landing your eyes on his car.

He shouldn't be here.

His thousands dollar car doesn't belong in your urban street, not in your side of the town. And it's so dangerous that he's doing this to see you. You've played the worst scenarios in your head a thousand times, millions of headlines on sites and the news about this; Eijirou Kirishima, on his way to claiming a fifth Grand Slam, caught in affair with university student.

Atrocious, degrading, exposing. A hit to his career that would bother the media for a couple of weeks and paint your name in mud along the way.

Why can't he just be content with the model that he's with? You're nothing like her, not as pretty and you don't have her body, you don't have her face, but he still says he finds you better, says he knows you better, but he just can't be with you.

[You]

Can't do it today

Sorry

You're good to yourself, only when you deny him and only when you feel the satisfaction of being the one to do so. It's pointless to sulk over saying no. He can go fuck other girls, play with their hearts and leave you to your otherwise peaceful life. Even if it is just for today.

You don't have the chance to let a smile creep to your face when your doorbell rings. The jiggling sound bursts into your eardrums once and twice, three dreaded times and they're enough to make your stomach churn, your neck tight and your skin ache.

You contemplate on opening the door for him, subconsciously letting yourself feel like a vulnerable prey, who, after running away to save yourself, is choosing to walk into the wolf's den, so willingly that you can feel yourself drifting away with each step you're taking towards the door.

"Babe,"

The swing of your door handle, the crack of your wrist, the creaking of your door as it opens to reveal him; they're all embarrassing. You can't tell if they fall short on his ears, too caught up in the way he looks -all swollen muscles and tall legs. You're running out of courage to say no and he knows this.

He's not as innocent as this cheeky smile frames him out to be, he's not the sweetheart everyone wants him to be either.

He's Eijirou, who's selfishly standing on your door, who's barging his way in your apartment, who's grabbing your cheeks and slamming your face in his, biting your lips until he draws blood, just to punish you for standing up against him.

Your door is slammed behind him, one bend of his knee and it's falling into its rightful place. To shield the sins of your affair, to bring you comfort and privacy as he attacks parts of your neck, your chest. Places that only squeeze perfectly under his touch.

"Babe," He calls again, in between soft kisses. "What's gotten into you?"

You frown and try to look away, past his cocoa colored orbs, past the swelling that's taking over his lips -and yours- with a numbing, tingling sensation.

"Eijirou—"

"I don't have much time in between training, I got a game the day after tomorrow."

It's always like this, you know. He doesn't have to tell you twice or try to excuse his own self for what he does or how he acts. You're pushed between schedules, or slammed into his timetable like a truck when he feels like indulging with you again, hidden between the lines of his free time.

You're sure at this point that it's the thrill he's after. The sinful taste of your lips on his, how he feels in control while chasing after you, when you can't keep up with him.

His lips don't taste like sour cherry anymore, but you let them wiggle against yours with triumph, you let him want to catch his breath as he pulls back and you put the minimum effort in returning the passion you receive.

You pull back, ignoring the words he's whispering against your face, only to take in his features once again.

Soft black hair pulled into a low ponytail, spiky bangs that fly all over his face and his tips drowned in a fiery, foxy red. The only reminder for who he was before his tennis career blew up. For who he was before he turned into this cocky womanizer whom you're desperately after with a longing heart.

"I'm just not in the mood today."

"Well let's get you in the mood then huh?"

He smiles, nose scrunching and chapped lips hiding behind his gums as his hand moves to your thigh, tagging your shorts with furry. As if he's desperate to have you, right here and now. As if bending you over the couch will help put out a fire in him. That's how he always convinces you to keep this going.

He's making you feel like not having you this way is insufferable.

You're buried in the crook of his neck while being pushed onto the couch, nibbling a soft spot that you've found, rubbing his skin on the top of your tongue. You know how to do this without leaving a mark, you can hold back from wanting to take all you can get from him.

But today it's different. It's going to be the last time.

It's not like any other time you've told yourself that you are going to end this. Today you're going to leave a mark, you're going to bite your way into his skin and drink from his poison -the intimate attention he's only ever willing to give- and you'll get drunk in it.

"Fuck," He grunts against your lips. "Fuck, don't stop that feels good."

You don't stop, eager to listen to him, to breathe into his neck before you wrap your lips a little lower and closer to his collarbone. You should be asking if this will cause him problems, but gone is the guilt that veils your coinsense otherwise. You suckle on a spot and then another, stealing his groaning moans one by one as they fall from his lips, plushing them softly in a spongy part of your brain, where they can rest forever, until you've forgotten them.

"Get your shirt off Eijirou," You plea, ogling eyes watering from the pressure that's applied in the apex of your thighs and he's quick to follow your command, lips curling upwards in a sweetheart smirk.

You're going to miss the way the apples of his cheeks cover his eyes when he smiles like this. But there's no going back for you and him.

With legs that feel like burning rubber you hug around his horse, watching the way his muscles flex and fold with his snappy movements. His shirt, tousled and wrinkly, tossed in an unknown corner of your living room, only for him to guess where it is after he's gotten his fix of you.

Thick fingers probe at your sides, pulling your shirt downwards in a silent plea, take off your shirt, give him the satisfaction that he wants, indulge into this as much as he wants you to.

But today, you're not in the mood for this. So instead of pulling your shirt off, you unbuckle your pants, pulling them down at the most dreadful speed, making him bite his lip impatiently.

You won't miss this, the way he's expecting so many things of you.

And if he notices something's wrong, he doesn't say a word, presumably content with getting what he wants; the rear view of the gap between your legs, where he can bury himself and get lost for the next thirty minutes.

"Fuck baby," he moans. "Why do you smell so good?"

You grunt, averting your gaze from his as he pushes your bangs away from your face with the back of his hand. You want to miss his puppy eyes. Ghosting him won't be easier for you if you don't.

But damn if he couldn't read you this well, things would be easier.

"Not in the mood to talk?" You look even further away to avoid the question, "babe, you can tell me if you're not well, you'll feel better if you let it out"

You don't need someone to tell you how to feel. You've decided when the two of you are going to be through. It's set and done, even if he feels at the top of the world right now, you won't inflate his ego anymore.

"M fine Eijirou, put it in," You bite his lip, putting huge effort in making him forget about what he thinks it's bothering you. "Want you to put it in m'kay?"

Sultry, fake voice, he's heard it all before and he doesn't have the right to call you out for it. Whatever he does next, you're his for the moment and for the last time.

Repeating is your rightful way of convincing yourself of not giving up on your decision. If only he could have broken up before deciding to wet himself in you, if only you hadn't taken him so eagerly, if only you hadn't become just like him. Welcoming him despite availability status, afraid to lose him, saying that a little sex wouldn't hurt. If you could do this on repeat, then you could get rid of him quite as easily.

You're not better than him and he's taken your vulnerability to him for granted. He's loved the attention you've paid him from time to time, whenever he's given you so much as a mere call.

You should pretend to moan, to hurt his ego, but as he's delving into you, slowly, mellowy, his kisses feel like burning sunshine, August breeze against your skin, kissing your shoulders lightly. It hurts that this salvation is coming from his mouth, as it moves rhythmically against every inch of you.

"Fuck, fuck, ah, you feel so good, you know that?"

You don't answer, nor do you wrap your lips around him. You don't move them against his when he goes to kiss you, but you coo into his warm embrace once his hands come to cradle you in a tight embrace.

"I love you," He slips up and you contemplate on whether you have to start hating him from this very moment. "I just wanna be with you, I—" He grunts. “—this is why you don't believe him, but nonetheless you hold a moan in as well. "Fuck, I'll break up just for you.”

Now that's a new one. A new addition to the long list of red flags you have with his name on top. You can't fall for it. You absolutely can't. If you do, he'll treat you just like this, he'll fuck behind your back and kiss you goodnight before going off to sleep with someone else. Like he's slept with you, once, twice, thrice.

And you're going to hate being the one who's fooled, despite deserving it more than anyone else. And another girl, or guy, is going to be his subject of desire.

You shouldn't want him to be yours, but you're lewding your 'I love yous' out of your mouth like they're nothing, poisoning your heart until there's nothing left but dust and sucked up blood, all devoured by the greed he's made you feel.

"You love me too?"

"I do," You cry, rocked between him and the couch, neck hurting by the way he's digging his teeth in yours.

"I'll fucking leave everything for you babe,"

He shouldn't. He won't. You tell yourself he's only saying this because he wants to come, to make you feel dirty with his actions and fish out words that make him ecstatic or send him over the edge from your mouth.

Rhythms are peaking, his hips burning from his movements, foreheads are dripping in sweat, lips taste salty against each other. The perfect picture, the most tingling sensation, and you're too fucked to go back, or keep yourself content with him. It feels the same as the last time, a numbing knot in your stomach, commanding you to rip your heart out and throw it away, spooning mewls out of your mouth.

If you could, you'd mute him, not wanting to listen to how beautiful he sounds as he's coming down from his high. If you could, you'd look away, and wouldn't try to burn the image of his body as he's falling apart in your mind.

"That was—" The sigh that leaves his chest through his mouth is liberating, you can tell—"amazing. I still love you, so much babe."

His hand soothing the pain of his thrusts, does nothing to make you feel better. You want to shove it away, but you don't, unhappy with the way you're turning out to be.

"It's time for you to go, Eijirou, isn't it?" You remind him. A hand pushing him off of you and quickly smoothing your T-shirt over your legs to deprive him of the view that'd make him wear a smug of triumph.

"So quick to get me to go. Did you find someone else again sweetheart?"

You don't reply as you're putting on your underwear and pants, shoving his shirt into him with a heavy hand.

"You did, didn't you?"

"None of your business, go off to your practice, your girl, don't patronize me anymore."

He gruffs, beautiful features scowling in that stormy gaze that reeks of his authority, "Here I am pouring my heart on you and you found someone else"

"Eijirou, it's seven thirty, if I were you, I wouldn't be late for practice. You got a game the day after tomorrow."

No more dealing with his pouting, you're going to bawl your eyes out if you have to do it. The sooner he's out of your house, the sooner you'll get this over with; the tight lamp in your throat, the image of him smiling at you like this, him admitting feelings that he shouldn't have.

Hurting him isn't the role that suits you. Because you can't do it. You can't hurt that warm sunshine he has on his face. He has to be the one to hurt you like he's been the one to drive you away. It's too late for him to change or reverse your roles.

You don't want to fight and he knows it.

He knows you, so well, well enough to use you as he wishes to, letting you believe you're using him too. You're going to make him watch you slip away, and he won't do anything about this.

So he's eager to leave as you're pushing him out of the door, he doesn't cup your cheek with his hand, and doesn't kiss your forehead tenderly like he always does.

"You should come to this party Mina is throwing, let me meet your new guy."

Like hell you'd ever do this, he knows, but teasing won't hurt a bit. Eijirou can deal with you dating other men, he's claimed you well before, he'll do it again if he has to, especially now that he's decided to have you.

"Yeah yeah, and if I do, don't ever call me again, 'kay?"

You're too good to not do as he says, or not to fall back to him, and he's too good to not come back to you. To him, you're a match made in heaven, to you, you're a lost cause, burning in the fiery pits of hell as atonement for your sins.

He doesn't know that you'll fall apart before dressing up, how you'll tell yourself you're not doing this for him, but as a statement against him.

You're no better than him, in fact, you're worse.

…

The only problem is, that when Eijirou pulls up at Mina's party after practice, you're already there. Drink in your hand, flared jeans hugging your legs, layered tank tops that cover the bruising truth of this evening, laughing at whatever your friends are saying.

When he puts out his phone, calloused fingers furiously typing a text addressed to you, you're too far gone into another glass, dancing a little dance before grabbing everyone's cups to go for a refill, greeting them in that silent way of yours, drunken smile.

And then you'll pass him by and blink at him, you'll mutter a small greeting and he'll grab you by the hand and whisper in your ear just how hard he'll take you driving the night. You'll swoon, moan, forget about the drinks and follow him anywhere he leads you.

That's how everybody knows about the two of you.

This time, though, you don't cast a single eye on him. In fact, you're tainting him, walking past him while ignoring him, leaving him awestruck and hurt, like his confessions earlier in the day meant nothing to you.

It's a hit to his heart, how your jaw drops as you bump into Bakugo over the kitchen counter, eyes too wide at the sight of him. How your finger dances playfully on his chest and as you smile at him when he whispers something in your ear.

It's infuriating how you drop the cups near the sink and follow Bakugo outside, or how the blond waves at him with a pressed smile against his lips, signaling that he'll be busy for a while.

His insides churn, tummy aching in a feeling of guilt, one unlike anything he's felt before. Losing you doesn't taste in the way he thought he would, it's worse; sour and poisoning. It makes him flee the party, furious and bitter.

When he's back, his body is heavy, feet dragging him across his apartment, mind blank as he follows his basic routine before bed time, fixated on how easy it seemed for you to just ignore him and flee with one of his friends as soon as he came over to the party he invited you to, wondering how you could be so ruthless with him all of a sudden.

Sweet talking Kirishima with a smile of gold, the sweetheart of the professional Tennis scene and you're over him in the split of a second, pushing him away from you without an explanation or heart wrenching speech. Not giving him the satisfaction of some closure, just forcing the cold tempo of your sudden departure in the depths of his heart.

He pays no mind to the girl that sleeps beside him, back turned to him like she's oceans apart, despite the unspoken bound that's keeping them together. He'll leave her, make up for all the damage that he's done, in any way that he can manage to.

It all comes down to the fact that no one can love you like he does, no one can want you like he does. Someone can do it better, but you have to want him.

5.30am [Missed Call: Red]

5.31am [Missed Calls(2): Red]

[New Message: Red]

Fuck, with Bakugo out of everyone?

Delivered: 5.31am

[New Message: Red]

Did you have sex with him?

Babe answer me.

Delivered: 5.32am

[New Message: Red]

I'm breaking up with her tomorrow morning.

And I'll come over.

Babe.

Babe please.

Delivered: 5.33am

[New Message: Red]

I'll take you on a date and we can talk about us okay babe?

Let me know when you wake up.

I love you.

So much.

Delivered: 5.38am

Read: 10.23pm

[You]

(Attached Image)

Sorry 'Red' even if you sound like a total douche, cheeks forgot her phone at my place.

I bet on her answering your late night drama when she takes her phone back.

[Red is typing...]

Super thanks to @celestidarling for proofreading this and giving me the biggest pump of confidence to post

↪Up Next: Dragon King Bakugo

#eijirou kirishima #kirishima x reader #eijirou x reader #eijirou kirishima x reader #kirishima x you #bnha #kirishima x y/n #bakugou x reader #Kirishima #mha fanfiction #mha #bnha fanfiction #kirishima fanfic #tw: cheating #kirishima smut #bnha smut #mha smut

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trash-monkey · 2 years ago

Text

The Endless Sea

Chapter 3

It's barely sunrise when my eyes open and knowing I'm not going to get anymore sleep, I quietly slip out of the room before stepping out into the stairwell only to find Darken looking at the star filled sky.

"Hey, can't sleep either?" He nods after glancing at me when I stood next to him.

"So....what was your life like?" I awkwardly asked not knowing what to say to break the silence and since we're stuck together for who knows how long we might as well get to know each other, it's going to happen either way.

"I...never knew my parents and I was raised in a brothel, there isn't much else to said." He sighs.

"That actually says a lot about you." He rises an eyebrow while looking at me from the corner of his eye

"Well, you're not as pushy and you don't think your above everyone else as many other Alphas do." I quickly continue on causing him to chuckle and shake his head.

"Let's get back inside." He said once the sun started peeking over the horizon.

"I want to enjoy this view for a little while longer." I responded which he said ok to before going back into the apartment.

"Come on, sweetheart." After a while Hanma appears in the door with a yawn before dragging me back into the apartment to see everyone is now wake and eating.

"Here." Takemitchy hands me a blueberry pop tart with a soda.

"Ok, we're going to have to assume there's are other floating buildings out there just like ours and that we'll need something around ours to protect it so we don't crash during harsh weather." I explained what I mean about defense yesterday after everyone got done eating.

"How are we going to get the material to even do that?" Hanma curiously asked causing me to rise a eyebrow at him with a like are you serious expression.

"Have you never watch movie in a day of your life?" My words leaking with sarcasm.

"Oh, I get it now. We can use the electrical cords to attach our building to others so it doesn't floating away and we can get what ever we need from it without any worries." Mitsuya specks up from his seat on the left side of Takemitchy

"Exactly." I pointed at him when he said the idea I had been thinking.

"So we're just waiting for a building to show up? That can take days which we don't have." Draken argues.

"But what choice do we really have?" Takemitchy questions causing Darken to sigh in defeat before him and Hanma takes the electrical cords to the front door while the rest of us put the things away in their proper place.

"Hope is the only thing we got left." I mumbled to myself as I lay my head on the table and stare out the window before letting out a yawn as my vision turns black.

"(Y/l/n)-kun!" Suddenly I'm being shaken awake.

"What?" I mumbled as I raise my head from the table with stiffness in my neck and open my eyes to see a excited Takemitchy pulling me up to stand.

"On come! A building was floating pass and other three got the electrical cords attached!"

'so it worked, good.'

I limp down after Takemitchy and noticed it's late evening before finding Mitsuya standing alone on the small concrete edge that's in front of the main door while two cords stretch out and connect the building to ours but have enough space in between so they don't crash into each other.

"Where's?" I was about to ask where Darken and Hanma are but Mitsuya quickly answered before I could finish.

"They had to swim over to attach the cords and to find something to put things in to send it over here to us without it getting wet." He settled the worry I started having at not finding them, I nod at the solid plan before looking for a sign to see what kind of building it is and seeing a Family Dollar on the side with a few letters missing.

"It's a Family Dollar! We'll be able to have everything we need if it has wash away yet!" Excitement filled my veins as I watch a wet Hanma put a bag on a clothes hanger and push it down the cord to us, I limp up to the first apartment and open the door.

'We can use this as a storage until we get time to look through everything and put it up in our apartment.'

"You can go over and help them! Me and Takemitchy got everything after here!" I said after laying the bag down before Mitsuya throws another to me.

"You sure." He asked with slightly hesitation at leaving us alone, we both nod which he gives back before diving into the water and swim over to the building. We continue putting the things into the storage apartment until dark over come us and the three had to come back since we don't have the light to work through the night, Takemitchy give the three towels and PJs which he ran to get once we saw them coming back over.

"None of you are hurt, are you?" I asked after giving them some time to get their selves back together.

"We aren't, sweetheart." Hanma confirms as he rings his shirt out, easing the worry in my heart as my omega is starting to see them as packmates.

'In the end we only have each other in this disaster.'

"Just put your wet clothes in the bathroom to dry, I'm going to go through what we got so far since I slept most of the day away and it'll be awhile until I'll get anymore sleep." I travel up to the apartment with them to get a lamp.

"You be careful, if anything happens you know where to find us." Darken caught me on the way out standing in the door frame of their room only in sweats, I nod with a promise before checking on Takemitchy.

"You'll be alright by yourself?" He nods, I told him go to the others if he gets scared and if he trys to get to me in the dark he'll only hurt himself before going, I set the lamp down and started organizing. The first bag I open I pull out clothes which I put into piles of who I think can wear them, Hanma is size or two bigger then Darken while Mitsuya is two sizes bigger then Takemitchy but I'm the same size as Takemitchy since I'm only a inch taller then him. Next I found cans of food, corn, different types of beans and soups, meats and other canned food before finding two bags of ABO medical care like suppressants, condoms, hell even pregnancy tests which reminds me of everyone Heat and Rut cycle.

'With everything happening I forget about my cycle and I'm not to excited to use the suppressants. Everyone knows that using suppressants too often can destroy cycles so they aren't used lightly.'

I make a mental note to make rooms for our cycles when we'll need them before continue on.

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we-dragons · 3 years ago

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I'm from a different dimension actually Chapter 6 Damian x reader

Professor X sat in his wheelchair glancing around the room he hums his eyes pouring over all that there was finally landing on Robin. He gives me a look gesturing over at him.

"He informed me about The Crows sir, apparently they have gone under the radar, they've killed three people and the system didn't go off. At first, I thought we still had time, I treated a wound he had it he had come in contact with one and fought it. You know like how Wolverine did, I treated the cut and it's gone, but I was sure they were still in the dream state. But he got injured saving those left how survived probably not far from here, but the fact we didn't even receive the ring can only mean...they've returned under complete control again."

Concern fills the face of professor X, he turns to Robin, who shifts uncomfortably by the entrance of my kitchen. "Who are you then?"

"Robin."

The professor nods not even turning from his spot, he looks over Robin as if completing an inspection.

"How much does this Robin Know Dreki, about you, and The Crows?"

"I told him about the Jal-sein, the old race before the collective mind sharing, and he knows about my box of scales." Professor sighs.

"How did you meet him."

"When he broke through my window last week, infected."

"You gave him some scales to purge poison."

"Yes sir."

"Very good," He moves back to his original spot in the middle of the room. "You have been permitted to stop them at all costs if you must. Your uncle will be here soon to help you kill whatever has brought them back, in the meantime try not to use the stones. We don't want to attract more trouble than what has already been done."

"You're allowing me to put my powers to use?"

"As long as you don't wear it out, vibranium is not easy to turn into clothing."

"What a minute!" Robin's voice carried out through the room. "Just what's going on?"

"Robin," Professor X starts. "your world is being invaded by the Crow so that you become one of the many planets they have drained of life. And to do it they need a vessel that can contain the leader of the Jal-sein, Hok'mor." Professor X looks at him, his use

"And?" Robin says his face remaining unreadable

"I was the vessel, I escaped, destroyed the flagship and the army they had." I shiver moving out from my room to the box still lying on the kitchen table. "They were after the life of my home, so then I became a weapon for my planet." I pull out a bag of coins from the box.

"And what do you intend to do now (Y/N), destroy them yourself." Robin stands in the entryway, professor X stands behind him.

"Yes," I turn to him a chakram and the bag of coins in hand. "so unless you know how to obliterate a bird in 15 seconds or less you need to forget this ever happened and never come back."

"So, why tell me any of this, why tell me about anything why expose yourself?"

"So you can tell your family and friends and hopefully, just maybe you can survive. Because knowing them keeps them out of your head, but too much knowing allows them to enter." I pick up Nightmare, he crawls up to my shoulder and I head out of the kitchen, Robin makes room for me but just barely. I open my closet and pull out the last thing I have, two letters one written in my mother's signature ink and the other in my own handwriting, I hold them out to the professor.

"You know there is nowhere left for me to run professor if I end out getting caught...I just want him to have this. In my letter, papers are containing the custody terms for my brother to Uncle. I just need you to grab them to complete the transfer." Professor X slowly takes the letters where they rematerialize on his side.

"Good-bye Dreki, I will see that these get to your Brother."

Professor fades out of the com, and it clicks turning off, I pick it off the floor and slip it into the pocket of my sweatpants. I pulled out the chakram ready to leave a mark on my hand, I only needed a little bit of blood to completely transform when Robin coughs gaining my attention. He leans against the wall to the left of me now glaring at my form, Nightmare growls at the boy from the corner of my eye I see his fangs getting slightly bigger.

"Are you making it a habit to ignore me while I'm here?"

"No, But I do need you to leave, you can't stay here anymore." I begin to push him out the door in the kitchen, he slaps my hands away confusion leaving his face replacing it's with anger. He open's his mouth and I put a magic orange circle on his head.

"You Robin son of batman, found this information interrogating one of the monsters. It spoke in a language that was foreign but somehow understood all of it. You have made no such connection to the girl Y/N M/N, you did not see a man from another dimension, you came back to thank her for her help you had some tea and you were just leaving." I flick my hand and the circle vanishes, his head lowers for a moment as the information in his head readjusts. He moves to the balcony edge turning to face me the scowl returned to his face.

"Thank you for the tea." he pulls out a grappling hook and leaves without another word. I sigh moving to the same device I used to contact the professor. Picking it up I hold it to my mouth.

"Find me the closest thing to a sorcerer supreme, name and whereabouts contact them when you get there."

I toss it back onto the floor and it roars to life to give me a purple image of the earth and orange magic circles to tracking and moving. I move to my couch and fall asleep waiting for this day to take me.

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I wake the next day with the globe still searching for my request I sigh and get ready for work. I thank god that it's just the coffee shop below me, I work on the weekends mostly unless they need an extra member of staff then it's just me and the older lady and her husband. They both owned the building and the shop they helped me get the apartment set up and showed me how to work the coffee machines. I don't really drink coffee though after seeing what a raving maniac my dad became without it, also it was just so bitter no matter how much sugar I put into it. I partially blame my heightened scenes that came with my abilities, so I got free white hot chocolates and any extra flavors I wanted as long as I did my job and chatted with them for a while.

I asked them personally to stay away while I was sick, so they wouldn't be affected. When I get down the stairs Martha, the elderly lady beams thankful that I'm feeling better.

"I so glad you are doing well dear, I know the acidity in our rain makes you sick so Glenn and I got you this umbrella." She hands me a purple umbrella that still has a tag on it, it reads for sun and rain.

"You didn't have to do this Martha, I told you I'm not good with gifts, you already let me stay here on the government's program and gave me a job here, you and Glenn have already done so much." She pushes the umbrella farther into my chest.

"No you do so much for us, you work without complaint, you've also taken care of us and our granddaughter when she came over. When you were sick we were so worried about you so you going to take it or I can give you more gifts."

"Thank you very much."I smile brightly. She pats my shoulder and gestures to the counter to start the machines.

Once all the machines are started, the desserts are placed and the base coffees are made I open shop. Customers come in and some lounge around in the chairs or couches drinking coffees and either studying or chatting with their friends. Molly usually comes on Sunday as one of our regulars, so I would see her then. A few of our regulars are happy to see I'm back at work one of the other tenants gave me a green bean casserole and a hug. It's 5 O'clock and I make a cappuccino as I finish I hear the door open and the bell ring on the counter.

The black-haired blue-eyed male I had gotten to know as detective Richard Grayson, came in every other day at 5, he normally talks often while I tried to take his order. So I memorized what he usually gets so he doesn't block the register so I can still make the register.

"Hey Y/N I'll take the usual."

"I thought so," I hand him his drink " one cappuccino."

He takes his coffee and moves to the bar we have set up if you wanted to watch the process and it's only then I see the other people behind him, one pissed-off looking male with a cigarette in his mouth, Tim Drake, and Damian Wayne. I look back to Richard he smiles at me leaning onto the bar.

"They came with me this time, It's family bonding time."

"You mean you dragged us out of the house to grab a coffee from this place cause you have a schedule."

"It's bonding Jason! Bonding!"

The two began arguing in the shop, I return my attention to the other two boys. Tim as at the counter puts a ten-dollar bill on the counter, while Damian does the same.

"Give me a regular coffee, black, large cup."

"Tea, no sugar, regular size."

Their voices crowed each other but since this happens frequently it was easy enough to at least get their orders down.

"Sure here's your change." I look back to the two arguing and I see Jason didn't put out his cigarette. He taps it and the ash of his drug falls to the floor.

Sighing I move out of the workspace gabbing a tong and a wastebasket, I take out the cigarette and throw it in the bin now gaining the full attention of Jason. I give him a stern look he seemed to freeze, bitting back any words he might have prepared to say before.

"Sir, I am not sure if I made we've previously made It but there is a strict no smoking policy. As you see we have many elderly, and young children in our establishment." I smile but I know my face is full of malice. "But please enjoy your stay at our cozy corner of our fine and fair city." I move back behind the counter start on some of my orders, I look at Jason again the smile still on my face.

"Would you like anything?" He gives me an odd look.

"White hot chocolate, Large," he nods his head over at Richard. "Put it on his tab."

"We don't have a tabs sir, he works for the police."

"So?"

"He gets Free coffee." He gawks at me as if I told him the sky was black, and I see Richard trying to contain his laughter.

"You give that guy free coffee?"

"It's a store policy." I pass out the coffee and the tea and I see from the corner of my eye he pulls out a flask. I grab the tongs again and clap them together, Jason looks at me then grumbles putting the flask back in his jacket, and instead pulls out a five and hands it to me. I take it from him gingerly and head straight to work on his order. I hand him both his spare change and his drink, and the complimentary cookie bag that came with it. He gives me another look.

"They come with a drink." I leave and continued my chores around the shop.

"You are doing much better (m/n)." I whip my head around and look at Damian who's behind me on the other side of the counter. His companions seemed to be in deep conversation amongst themselves.

"Yes, I'm doing just fine, it happens occasionally but nothing like a good cup of tea and a few nights rest couldn't fix." I go back to cleaning the counter.

"You were sick for much longer than that."

"Yeah...it happens." I change the topic to "Did you think of anything for the project?"

"Why not make a model, there is not really much to do with it anyway." I gasp dramatically.

"Not much to do with an astrolabe! You clearly didn't read the whole paper!" By now I have caught the attention of his group. Damian frowns.

"No, your paper was written very well, I just don't think we need to dwell too much on this project seeing as how we really are not presenting." I had heard that bit from Molly.

"I suppose your right." I put away the cleaning supplies and turn back to him. "I'll get started on a model right away!"

"You will do no such thing." His voice is stern. "I will come back later and work on it with you," He moves his chair back and heads out the door.

His companions follow quickly after him and they say their goodbyes.

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As promised, he came a few hours later right as my shift ended and another person came for the second half of the day. I moved the glowing tracker to my room so it wouldn't gather any extra attention.

"I have supplies, what is all of that?" my brows furrow staring at the bulging plastic bag in his hand while I turn the keys in my locks. opening the door.

"I wasn't sure if you were prepared." He moves to the door, my arm shoots in his way stopping him.

"I wouldn't go in quite yet."

"What?"

I put a finger to my lips and crouch slowly to the floor, I shake the key in my hand then slid them across the floor. A ball of black attacks the object just as it crosses the doorway. Nightmare attacks the keys rolling around and bitting.

"Ah yes, observe the feral kitten in his natural habitat." I walk inside the door beckoning Damian to follow. "I would beware he is an ankle bitter. You can set up in the living room I'll just drop this guy off in my room."

"Does he attack all the time?"

"He's been like that since I picked him up, I don't blame him he was born in a rough neighborhood." I set Nightmare on the bed next to the floating version of earth. "Watch it make sure it finishes." then head to the living room. Damian has all his stuff set out on the table. There was veneer, paper, paint, some nails, an Exacto knife, a hammer, and a bag of pipe cleaners.

"This looks like stuff to make a birdhouse," I try and pick up some of the wood that was on the table." you realize cardboard, scissors, and a sharpie would have been enough."

"And here I thought you like polished and neat projects."

"yeah, but even with cheap materials you can still create a masterpiece."

"You don't do anything nice for yourself self do you?"

"Dude the most expensive thing I own is a cat who attacks me." I sigh, I sketch out a design for the astrolabe. "Well, why don't you start on the Mater, I'll get to work on the plate for our side of America."

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"3 hours of hard work and I got to say it's not bad." I hold the fished product, It's attached to a string of green yarn. "The calculations are down to point." I put it down, I clean up the mess that's on the floor of the living room.

"About the last time we saw each other, I'm sorry."

"It's fine, you probably knew about me from the news already, the big myste#wayne#scifi#damian#bruce#bats#fanfiction#xreader#characterxreader#jason todd#tim drake#character x reader#mxf#fxm#batboys#batboys x reader#Damianxreader#X reader#DC#Marvel#MarvelxReader#DCxreader#batfam#mutants#Damian Wayne x reader ry of the missing journals. So many interviews." I dump the trash in the kitchen, saying that last part mostly to my self.

"You forgive too easily."

"I'm not as forgiving as you think, honestly you view me too highly it that's what you believe. Would you like something before you leave?"

"No, but I have something for you before I go." I open the door to my room and let Nightmare out.

"Oh?" He's already at the door and pulls a shiny gold card from his pocket, he hands it to me.

"Father thought it would be good to meet you."

"Because I'm the daughter of a famous dead professor, is he going to ask about the journals too?"

"No, this is to apologize for my previous behavior."

"Oh," I take the card looking at it uneasily. "I don't think I can go to this, I don't do well at parties."

"Not a very good excuse." He smirks.

"I'll think about it." I push him out the door and give him the Astrolabe, closing the door slowly. " I'll see you at school."

I look at the card again, It's like the parties mom went to I knew them well. While some were nice, others were nice only in their face. I laugh slightly to myself, Molly already called me earlier telling me I was her plus one to the same thing. This was already suspicious enough as it is. I look at Nightmare who cocks his head at me.

"You think I should go, don't you?" the furball nods

"Fine. I was going to be forced into this anyway."

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6knotty6thotty6 · 4 years ago

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So a couple of months ago, I saw a YouTube video that was an audio recording of season 5, episode 6 of Bojack Horseman, “Free Churro.” In the episode, the main character, Bojack Horseman, spends 20 minutes giving a eulogy at his mother’s funeral. There’s one big problem though, his mother was an abusive bitch. His eulogy is him trying to contemplate what she meant by her drying words, “I see you,” and whether or not she loved him. As someone who has a dead parent who was abusive, this is probably my favorite episode of any show ever for how much it helped me understand my feelings. The comments section is filled with people sharing their pain with their abusive families, but one comment stood out to me above all the others by how raw and relatable it was. This comment was by a YouTuber named Moonstruck. At the bottom of this post is a link to her channel. Please support her. After reading this, she deserves a million subscribers. Also please watch Bojack Horseman. (I corrected some of the grammatical errors to make it easier to read)

Disclaimer: Child abuse, bullying, trauma, and mental health:

Moonstruck:

This is a great monologue, but one part of it, in particular, really caught my attention was the 'grand gesture' bit.

When I was a kid, I read this book called "Chicken Soup for the Soul." There's a shitload of them. I don't remember which particular one it was. I hated the whole series because it's just someone profiting off a bunch of other people's stories rather than trying to write their own, in my opinion.

Anyway.

This one story that I remember, the ONLY one I remembered, was sent in by a little girl. She wrote about how her father never told her that he loved her. He never once, in her whole life, said the words "I love you." I don't remember her mom being mentioned, maybe she was dead; it doesn't matter. The point is her dad was basically an emotionless asshole. Well, one day, this girl gets sick. Really sick. Possibly on her deathbed sick. She wrote that one day she woke up to find a necklace sitting on her nightstand that had a pendant that looked like her dog. She said she held it to her heart and cried because that necklace said all the things her father never had.

I thought, "What a load of bullshit."

A cheap trinket doesn't make up for years and years of emotional neglect. Anyone can buy a thing and toss it your way. Hell, he didn't even hand it to her himself, just left it there for her to find if/when she woke up, then left her alone again to possibly die.

A lot of people say that actions speak louder than words, in cases like political protests and shit. While that's true, scenarios that this that girl are different. Gifts can never replace the words, "I love you."

When I was a kid, my father never told me he loved me. My mother didn't either, but she's a whole other kettle of fish. I would say 'my biological mother or father,' but I never got adopted ones, so who gives a shit. Anyway. My father was rarely around, and when he was, he just spent the entire time fighting with my mother and leaving again. He would do and say anything that could get him to spend less time in the house with her. With us. I can't blame him. If I could've left during those times, I would have. I tried more than once. I even earned the nickname 'runaway' from a family friend because of it.

I was told that I was worthless as early as I could understand words. I don't know what it is about me that set my mother off, but she HATED me. I was always told how expensive I was to keep alive and how I wasn't worth it. If I dared ask for anything, she would remind me how much she spent just to keep me from starving to death and that it was too much already. On the rare occasion I was given something, it was so she could use it as a threat. She was like, "Sure, you can have that toy horse since we got your sister a real one, but you better behave or we'll give it to her and let her break it." Or "Oh, fine, we can keep this dog as a FAMILY pet (NOT YOURS), but if you do something we don't like, we'll take it away and kill it."

Oh, yeah. I have a sister. She’s cut from the same cloth as our mother. I don't consider any of them family anymore. She was two years older than me. She was the "we should have stopped while we were ahead" kid. Anything she wanted, she got.

"Mom, can I have an award-winning horse and expensive dressage lessons?"

"Sure!"

"Mom, can I have a car?"

"No problem!"

"Mom, can you pay for my ballet lessons?"

"Absolutely!"

She was the golden child. The one that could do no wrong and wasn't a mistake. Even after she totaled her car, got arrested for an underage DUI, and got pregnant three times in high school, she was still the good one. I never even asked to go to school dances, parties, or go out with the one friend I had. My sister liked to see me in pain. She'd tell our mom that I did things just to get me in trouble. Whether it involved blaming me for things she did or fabricating stuff, she'd say whatever it took to get my mother to beat me while she watched and laughed. Oh, yeah, our mom was BIG on physical punishment. I've been whipped with everything from a riding crop, a wooden paddle, spoons, and especially belts. Anything that was close at hand when my mother got irritated, I've been hit with it.

At one point, my sister had three tall, beautiful show-worthy horses. I was allowed to keep a sickly old pony for all of a week before she was taken away, then I'd get called ungrateful for asking why we had to get rid of HER instead of one of the horses. Even though my mother said it cost too much to keep them all. With horses being obviously too rich for my blood, I asked for something cheaper, and for once, I got it. I was given a baby goat that one of our neighbors' goats had abandoned for being too weak, and they didn't have time to raise. I loved that goat. I bottle raised him, and named him Ben. He was my best friend for a while. When he grew up, he got so big that I was able to stand on his back to grab tree branches and pull them down so he could eat the leaves. I walked him on a leash like a dog every day. I loved him so much. My mother had me enter him in a show, and we won ninth place! I was thrilled to have something to show against my sister's collection of dressage show ribbons. I finally had proof that I could do something right! Sure, the prize money was taken away from me, but I still had Ben.

But Ben didn't come home with me after the show. It turns out he was sold to a slaughterhouse because that show was for meat goats. I didn't know until he was already gone. Of course, my mother punished me for being upset and even forced me to write a thank-you card to the people who bought his meat.

My mother was always like that. Anything I loved was used as a threat. I eventually accepted that loving anything was a waste of time. I learned to detach myself from my feelings, and I got really good at it. I can completely turn off my emotional reaction to anything. One time I had to put down one of the egg-laying hens at work that got too sick to save, and I felt nothing while bringing down the ax. When I lost out on a job that could have changed my life, I told myself how stupid it was to hope for anything good. Any positive emotion I felt got me punished, so I learned to feel nothing at all. To this day, I still have trouble feeling things, even when I want to. I'm taking pills now, and they help, sometimes.

I've had several suicide attempts. I keep a box of razor blades in my desk just to have them close. I got a tattoo of a heart with rainbows on my wrist. Partially for LGBT solidarity, but mostly to remind myself that there is still beauty in the world. I still struggle with wonder if I actually believe it or not.

I've tried so hard to be a good kid. I never partied, never drank, never smoked even when the chances were there, and I would have greatly loved anything to make the pain stop or even just dull it a little bit. I was in the gifted and talented program at school and was able to graduate at fifteen. For a while, I was sent to a children's home where I was passed around to many people I didn't know, including a clown who I may or may not have actually been related to, until I eventually wound up out here where I am now. It's all pretty hazy, and the details get scrambled.

It's been 10 years since I've had contact with my mother and sister. I can't even keep in touch with the one friend I had, even after I lived with her. She's tried to reach out to me, but I just… can't. I try, but I can't. Sometimes, I can almost pretend that my past wasn't real. It's just a hazy fog that isn't really there. I want to believe that if I don't allow something, or someone, who was part of that past, someone tangible and real, into my life again, then the fog will go away. This is why I can't do it. I know I'm a terrible friend. Ariel, if you're reading this, I'm sorry. You're better off without me in your life anyway.

I typed all of this out because sometimes, about fifty dollars or so shows up in my PayPal from my father's email address. I don't know if it's from him or from her using his email, but it doesn't matter either way. The point is I know my mother is the one sending the money.

I know my mother likes to think she's a good person. She went to church every Sunday, and probably still does. She organized a lot of church events and participated in every church function. I had to be an altar server for several years until I aged out of it and was in the choir. She kept going to that church even after the priest got drunk, called me many horrible names in front of everyone, and was revealed to be a pedophile that raped a little boy at gunpoint. She probably still goes to that same church and organizes things. She likes being in charge. She likes having people look at her and say, "That there is a good person."

But are you, though, Mom? Are you really a good person? Were you a good person when you hit me? When you lied to me? When you laughed with my sister about how much I got hurt for things I didn't do? Were you a good person every time you told me you'd kill my cat or leave my dog at the pound? Were you a good person when you sold Ben to be eaten, knowing that I loved him? Were you a good person when you made me read "A child called It" and told me that you'd start doing the things in that book to me if I didn't behave? Were you a good person every time you told my father I was a liar whenever I tried to tell him what you were doing to me? Were you a good person when you told me I wasn't worth the cost of being alive? Were you?

Fuck you, Mom! Keep your fucking money! A necklace on the nightstand isn't enough. A trinket can't heal years and years and years of abuse and hurt. You can't hide these scars under dollar bills. I hope you die alone. I know I probably will, but I don't even care anymore. I lost the ability to care thanks to you. You can't make up for the things you did and the things you didn't say now. Too little, too late!

#child abuse #abuse #domestic abuse #family #survivor #YouTube #bojack horseman #forgive #mom #mother #friend #friends #story #personal #chicken soup for the soul #free churro #monolouge #father #dad

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nethandrake · 4 years ago

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let’s fall from the stars.

stevetony. mcu. rated t. post-avengers (2012). 3.9k words.

also on ao3.

buy me a ko-fi.

*****

From the moment they met, Friday nights have always been reserved for Steve. It doesn't matter if Tony has business overseas or a mountain of paperwork awaiting him in his office. He'll always make time for Steve. And somehow, Steve always has time for Tony.

But tonight might be the first time he'll get a 'no', get a, Sorry, I can't do this anymore.

And that's fine. Totally fine. It's a long time coming, after all.

Wear a suit. I’ll meet you down in the lobby at seven, Tony texts before tossing his phone behind him, uncaring of where it lands.

It’s midnight when they first meet.

Tony doesn’t notice him at first. Not at all. He’s too busy staring down the bottom of his glass, too busy wallowing in his loneliness and misery to notice the world swirling around him.

But then he hears a quiet baritone next to him and then suddenly, he’s seized with the need to hear, see, know.

A stranger – tall, blond, and beautiful – sits next to him, dressed in a button-down and khakis with the softest smile he's ever laid his eyes upon.

Tony's breath hitches.

“Hi,” Tall, Blond, and Beautiful says, their bright blue eyes twinkling under the dingy lights.

Time doesn’t stop. Tony wishes it did, wishes he could bottle this man up in his mind because he's just so goddamn ethereal.

“Hey,” he replies and just like that, he knows things wouldn’t be the same.

*****

Steve’s standing in the lobby downstairs, dressed in a navy two-piece. It's an outfit Tony’s seen him in one too many times. And yet every time he lays his eyes on Steve, it feels like the first time.

Steve pauses, his fingers curled around his tie, his lips parting as his blue, blue eyes rove.

“Tony,” he says, sounding a little shy. “Hi.”

Tony swallows his nerves and stills his hands from wringing them. “Hey. You look nice.”

“So do you.” Steve pauses, his eyes drifting down to the ground. “I like your shoes.”

“Thanks. I got them last week from Pep.”

“Oh. That’s nice.”

“Yup. It was.”

An awkward silence fills the air. Tony has never felt so out of his depth in forever.

Because this is Steve Rogers he’s talking to. Steve Rogers, one of the very few people he can be himself with. Steve Rogers, who’s one of his best friends. Steve Rogers, who he’s in love with.

Steve Rogers who’s Captain America.

I didn’t think you’d show up, he wants to say. I thought you hate me. Why are you here? Why are you here if you hate me?

“We should get going,” Tony says instead, his mouth tasting like ash. “Don’t wanna be late.”

He spins on his heel, heading for the door and not bothering to wait for Steve to catch up.

If Tony knows Steve, if he knows Captain America, he will follow.

Captain America always does.

*****

Tony learns Tall, Blond, and Beautiful has a name – Steve Rogers.

Steve Rogers is a ball to be around with. He talks and laughs and listens and spins intricate tales about the life he once had and the life he has now. Even when Tony laughs a little too loudly or makes a joke that falls flat, Steve just grins and looks at him like he isn’t Tony Stark, billionaire, genius, monster.

It’s nice. He’s nice. Everything is just so fucking nice.

Tony Stark never gets nice things.

So when they come to a stop in front of the tower, Tony braces himself for the other shoe to drop. It always does.

“It was nice talking to you,” Steve begins, rubbing the back of his neck. “I had a great time.”

“Same here,” Tony replies and then squares his shoulders. “Maybe we should do it again. Sometime soon. If you like.”

The smile he receives is as bright as a thousand suns. This is how Tony loses the war called love.

*****

Tonight's dinner is at a place Pepper has been gushing about for weeks – a fancy Italian place in the heart of Upper East Side.

It’s grand and bold, with gold adorning the walls and mulberry silk for tablecloth. Their fellow patrons are decked in their finest and eating lobsters and scallops and drinking forty-year-old wine while Beethoven quietly plays in the background.

Tony should feel at home here, surrounded by the riches he grew up with. But watching Steve squirm in his seat, watching Steve stare down his cutlery like it’s going to stab him in the eye, makes him feel so goddamn uncomfortable.

It’s times like these that Tony wishes he wasn’t born into this life, a life that neither Steve nor Captain America would never, ever see himself in.

Tony should’ve known better than to dream.

He sets the wine glass he’s been swirling around for minutes. “Wanna get out of here?”

At that, all the tension Steve has been radiating dissipates. He exhales, slumping further in his chair. “God. Fuck. Yes, please.”

A quiet snort tumbles out of Tony’s lips before he can stop himself.

Steve cocks an eyebrow wryly. For a moment, Tony forgets everything that’s happened this past week.

“What?”

“Oh nothing,” Tony replies. “Just… Just didn’t expect you to swear, is all.”

Something crosses Steve’s face but it’s gone before Tony could dwell on what it is. But even with a glimpse, he has his suspicions. He hates himself for making it surface.

They take their leave with their jackets in hand, not before Tony leaving a hundred dollar tip. Next to him, Steve breaks into a smile that looks surprisingly fond.

“What?”

“Oh nothing,” he says, shrugging his blazer on. “Just thought that’s nice of you. To do that.”

“I do that all the time.”

“I know.”

There’s something behind his eyes that shakes Tony’s insides. But he turns away and makes a move to his car because he can't, he really can't—

A hand on his shoulder stops him short.

“We should walk,” Steve murmurs, his eyes drifting up to the night sky. “It’s a nice night out.”

“Where are we even going?”

Steve gives his shoulder a light squeeze. “Wherever the night takes us.”

Tony scoffs as he watches Steve walk off.

“That’s so corny,” he says, striding to catch up.

“I know.”

They’re quiet as they navigate the streets and the crowds. New York City has always been a place Tony has both loved and despised, full of shadows and ghosts. But he won’t deny that it’s a place where he can just be. Be swallowed up by the honking and the shouting, the cold, by the nameless bodies and neon lights. Swept up in the moment like he’s the nobody he always wishes to be.

Not for the first time, he lets himself pretend, lets himself be the man he could be for Steve, lets himself pretend that he deserves the warmth radiating from his side, the brush of fingers against his own.

“Tony,” Steve starts in that tone that Tony both loves and hates, the one that makes him weak in the knees and his chest stir because fuck. “We need to talk.”

“About what?”

He hears Steve sigh. “You know what.”

Tony knows. Oh, he definitely does. But he’s not ready. Not yet. Not now. Not ever.

“Later,” he says, pulling away. “I need food in me. Can’t think on an empty stomach, you know?”

Steve frowns but doesn’t pursue it, shoving his hands in his pockets as the hundredth crowd spits them out.

Tony never thought the May air could feel this frigid.

*****

One outing turns to two to three and then Tony could barely keep count because all the days somehow bleed together when he’s with Steve Rogers.

They go to many places – diners at the break of dawn, art galleries on quiet weekdays, parks on noisy weekends. Tony’s favorite outings, however, are when they roam the streets aimlessly on nights.

Sometimes, they’d head to a bar and drink until they’re pink in the face. Other times, they’d go to a diner or a hole-in-a-wall. Both times, they’d talk about everything and nothing before Steve would fight him for the bill and offer to join him on his walk to nowhere.

Steve who’s a comic book artist from Brooklyn. Steve who loves Tolkien’s shitty books and hates the cold. Steve who’s kind and witty and beautiful and everything Tony doesn’t deserve.

And since Tony doesn’t deserve, he doesn’t ask.

*****

read the rest on ao3.

#stevetony #stony #steve rogers #tony stark #superhusbands #*fic #stevetonytober

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sailingintothenight · 5 years ago

Text

“WANNABE.” T.H. Imagine.

And what if after years of chasing each other like a cat and mouse, you and Tom started to wonder if you wanna be something else in each other's life?

A/N: I am posting a one shot after weeks of writer's block. I hope you like it. It's 9:30 pm in Peru and it's still April 28, so it's still my birthday! Give it a try. Pleaseeeeee! And yes, I borrowed a scene from Mean Girls (Because I loveeee that movie)

“Hello God, it's me again, (y/n). What's up? I know we haven't talked much lately, but, hey, listen, I have a favor to ask you- I have behaved well, I haven’t gotten drunk at any crazy party of any Hollywood star and I haven't accepted drugs, ever: I'm afraid my grandmother will appear in my room as a ghost and pull my blankets in the middle of the night, plus, I haven't make out with any Stone-cold Hollywood hottie, and trust me, I've had more than one chance. Anyway, about the favor–”

"Yes, but (y/n)'s grandfather invited us to his birthday party..."

Tom's voice startles you and cuts off your internal dialogue, turning you back to the reality.

It’s 6 am. The sun shines in the clear sky, and you are on a flight back to England in a luxury privet jet that is about to arrive at the airport, while Haz, Harry, Tom and you are sitting in comfortable velvety seats, with the view of morning sky on your left side.

The exciting memory of your last recording still seemed to run through your veins, too exciting to let you sleep. Because that was the end, the goodbye after incredible months. All your efforts from the past months were hidden behind that last performance that looked like a fantasy, except for the kiss, ugh, you had to erase it from your mind. But now, you're going back home, ready to take a break away from the set-up bridge and blue and green backgrounds, away from the makeup artists who gave your face the final touches of the magic of Hollywood, far from the suit of a superhero who had just won her last battle and who got the cute boy, Peter Parker.

But not far away from Tom Holland.

Because evil takes a human form in Tom Holland, your lifelong neighbor.

How do you even begin to explain Tom Ho– Stop, people say that if you pronounce his name 3 times a curse falls on you.

But fans say Tom Holland is flawless, you heard his curly hair is insured for 10,000 dollars, his favorite movie is “Spider-man Homecoming”, duh, and very soon, “far from home”. One time he met Robert Downey Jr. in his own village and he started hyperventilating, and once he threw a fan's phone on the floor and she said it was awesome.

"Please don't tell me you're going to his birthday party." You complain, because you can't help it.

"Would that bother you that much, darling?" Tom smiles, tilting his head back so that his tender smile fits perfectly with his tender face. “Then of course I will go. Also, your grandfather still has the hope his granddaughter would get a man like me.”

"Ew. Why would my dear grandfather want me to be with someone who enjoys keeping a frog in his mouth?" You ask, earning yourself an Oscar for best actress with the innocence you exude and the seriousness you manage to put on your face, even when Tom's eyes narrow from the attack you just launched, while, enjoying the show, his friend and his younger brother laughs, shaking heads with a familiar expression on their faces because of the familiar discussion between you and him that happens, every two or three days. "Seriously, Tom, give the poor Henry a break."

"Henry?" Tom asks with real confusion, his accent thick, while the other male voices ask it in a collective whisper too.

"I named your frog Henry, hope it doesn't bother you." And you laugh, victorious to feel how Tom exhales the air through his nose.

“Seriously, (y/n), when will you confess that you are in love with me? You don't have to be so shy, darling.” Tom laughs too, using his finger to tap your nose, because he knows perfectly well that you don't like that, just as you don't like being called darling anymore. “Ray is a wise man, you should listen to your grandfather."

"Yes, if you like skinny ones."

"I'm not skinny. I have the perfect body.” Tom defends himself.

"For now, but in a couple of years you will named your big belly as your dad does after drinking with mine." You laugh like a little girl because you love Dom, because he's warm and funny, because he loves his wife and children, and because of how funny he is when he and your dad have had too much alcohol, like the time they started a cartwheel contest in the middle of the street. "Who's there? It's Dom Junior.”

"Shut up! My dad is still sexy!” A heavy silence falls over the small place as everyone looks at Tom with furrowed brows and true confusion, but that's when he realizes the choice of words he used to refer to his dad. "That's not what I meant!"

You raise your hands in a sign of peace, your gaze avoiding his as you stop yourself from laughing and mocking him.

"That's so wrong, Tom." Harry says, with a certain bittersweet taste on the tip of his tongue. "Now because of you I won't be able to see dad's belly the same way."

Harry and Haz chuckle at Dom's expense.

But when the jet landed smoothly on the headlight-lit runway in the early hours of the morning, the heavy hours from the past months feels now as if they weighed the same as a feather, pain and exhausting sleepless nights disappeared in the blink of an eye, and now, there is no oceans that could make you feel far away, because in the end, you always came back home.

"Besides..." You say to finish that conversation, your backpack on your shoulder before making the victory path towards the stairs to get off the plane. "I would like a boyfriend who can grow a mustache, not like the failed attempt on your face. Thank you very much."

"Hey!" Tom frowns as you pass him by, and his voice rises even higher than it already is. "My doctor says it's just a hormone problem."

"Damn, bro..." Harry laughs as he puts an arm around Tom's shoulder, giving him a brotherly hug before walking out to the car waiting outside. “(Y/n) will be hard to catch, you know? But try it, maybe you will make it in this century."

Harry laughs, and then, walks out of the plane.

"What does that mean?" Tom asks Harrison, who is still waiting by his side.

"I think he meant that you are in love with (y/n), but you haven't noticed it yet."

Harrison chuckles, but after patting Tom on the back, he rushes to place a hand on his best friend's shoulder to stop him.

“Hey, mate… you, uh…” Tom's eyes soften, almost to the point where his brown eyes resembled the gaze of a little 5-year-old boy, sad, and lost. “You haven't told anyone why we came back, right?”

“Of course not.” Harrison says, and his gaze smiles just like his lips. “Don’t worry about anything, okay? We are home, you are home. You can take the time you need to rest.”

Tom nods, unsure, but tries to be strong as they both get off the plane.

The gray autumn clouds hang with invisible strings in the sky as Tom Holland, actor, handsome, wealthy, and the loneliest person in the world, releases a deep breath that is lost among the sounds of the world, because his world is no longer sparkling or velvety thanks to the cameras or a red carpet, and while his new movie is a box office hit that never in his best dreams he would have imagined, something wasn't right for him.

That’s why he is back home.

The car ride is silent as some sleep, except you and Tom, because your eyes seem to recognize the streets you grew up in, because your hearts recognize your home. But for Tom, he recalls tilting his body to the left and a camera captured his best actor pose a week ago, but since then, his body has felt null, as if floating in the air and no longer responding to his orders. He was crystal clear, but a few people seemed to see clearly through him. Tom tries to convince himself that the tickling in his hands is his body's response to tiredness and not his anxiety, because he suffers it too, but he feels that something is eating his soul.

"Are you okay, Tom?"

Among a sea of people, Tom Holland has always pretended to be an interesting person, but now, he takes a deep breath and looks at you, nervous, lost in the middle of that huge world, but you, looking back at him gives him peace, because he doesn’t feel alone anymore.

What did you think? That someone is interested in knowing if you are really okay? Of course they care, right?

“Of course, darling.” Tom smiles, as if in a snap of fingers, everything is fine.

But there, he catches a movement of yours.

You tilt your head to the side, like his beloved Tessa when she is curious about something, but he doesn't say it out loud because you would take it the wrong way, but the movement in slow motion worthy of a Hollywood scene and the serenity of your gaze makes Tom hold his breath, that breath that previously didn't fit his chest with so many problems that he carried inside.

But suddenly he can breathe again, finally.

“Okay.”

The minutes pass until the car stops on a street that you two recognize perfectly. When everyone is out, the car leaves, but because your favorite boys are about to leave, too, you hug everyone as the promise to celebrate Harrison's birthday next week hangs in the air. You love them so much, because they are beautiful people who helped you to save yourself from the storms of doubts and fears, each of them in their own charming way, and for that, you were grateful.

"My friend Danielle is coming so I would like you to meet her, Haz." You chuckle adorably before leaving, noting that Harrison's smile is as real as his desire to meet her.

"I'm looking forward to it, darling."

"Wait, why he can call you darling?" Tom says, and for a second, you see a sparkle in the brightness of his eyes, but as the door of his house opens and his beloved Tessa runs to receive him, the confusion disperses like the morning haze.

"There she is the only darling you will ever get, Thomas."

And the moment you turn around, because the door of your house opens too, you lose sight of Tom's honest smile and the question that he hides behind his sweet eyes. Was he in love with you all this time without realizing it? And what if he wanna be your boyfriend?

Oh, right. The favor that you were going to ask God for? To get you a boyfriend, a cute one, a hot one... maybe like Tom. Weird, isn't it?

Tag list: @galaxies-of-the-heart

#tom holland imagine #tom holland fanfic #tom holland fluff #tom holland spiderman #tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #tom holland x y/n

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iammarylastar · 4 years ago

Text

9. FAREWELL

"So, you're leaving without saying goodbye?"

She said, her voice like a ghost.

Shit.

Cal leaned his hand on the door frame, his forehead followed and he closed his eyes. He could feel Jess trembling behind his back, he could foresee her face soaked in tears, her sobs stuck in her chest.

Shit.

Leaving her was the hardest thing he had ever done, he doubted he could gather the strength to walk out the door, but now she was awake, crying, he knew it would be impossible.

Yet, he had to.

"Chris?" She begged.

He had planned everything, every little detail, like he already had, to break Oyster out.

He got all his stuff ready: a car fueled up, the maps with all the secondary roads highlighted, 4 different options to cross the Canadian border. His backpack, enough military rations to survive for 2 weeks, in case he'd have to ditch the car and cover the distance by foot. A compass. An extra pair of trekking shoes, just in case. Water. Lighter. Headlamp. Emergency kit. US dollars. Canadian dollars.

No phone.

No pics, not even one of Jessica. He wouldn't risk to get caught and have her involved. Beside it would be too painful to look at her beautiful face. Dealing with her memory would be hard enough.

But he had no choice. More than 3 years he hadn't see his brother. 3 fucking long years he hadn't heard his voice. Teddy, his little brother, the reason he had kept living after their mom died, the one he had fought for. And kept fighting for.

He'd all planned in his head, playing every scenario again and again at night, all those sleepless nights, Jess cuddled against his chest. Looking blankly at the ceiling, on the hunt for what could happen, what could turn wrong, and come what may: keep walking.

Until he reaches Lac-Sainte-Marie, Quebec, 260 miles from here. Until he meets his brother again.

"Chris!" She yelped, like she was drowning.

For a millisecond, he thought he could just give up: forget his little ass of a brother, forget his oath to his mother, forget his responsibilities, drop on his knees and beg Jess to marry him, give her 3 kids, get a pet and live happily ever after. Why not? He deserved a little of happiness, didn't he?

"What is happening?" she whispered, her voice torn by sobs, like stabs in his back.

What the fuck was happening, good question. He was happening. That fucking deceiving Cal was freaking out and ruining everything again. Like it was meant to be.

Like he was meant to screw up every chance of happiness.

"I have to see him. Jess, he got back in touch with me. Those postcards. There must be a reason." He said under his breath, not daring to glance at her.

"Chris, you're still in probation! A single step out of the State and you're in parole violation! You're going to get caught and thrown into jail again!" She knew this argument wouldn't work with him, but she was a lawyer, well almost, she had to plead for her case.

"I know..." Chris whispered. The next words would be excruciating to pronounce.

"That's why I won't come back..."

"Noooo!" She totally broke down.

As he listened to her heart shattering into pieces, taking his own heart down, he couldn't help thinking about time.

It took her days to tame his fears, weeks to heal him for his trauma, months to forge deep, trustful ties between their hearts.

Ties they both thought were unbreakable.

And as it took a heartbeat to fall in love with her, he'd been quick to break her heart.

Now he was running out of time. With her. For Oyster. Fuck.

"At least wait for your probation period to be over! You'll be a free man and you could go wherever you want!" She begged.

Like he didn't know. Like he hadn't spent the last days counting how many days it would take to be reunited. Like he hadn't thought of it from top to bottom. Like he hadn't been obsessed and torn about that fucking choice he had to make.

"Three more years! Jess, I can't leave him alone for 3 more fucking years! He needs me!" He let his anger flow out of his chest.

"What about me????" She thundered, gripping her nightie where her heart ached, then pointing a furious index finger out.

"He's not a kid anymore! He made his choice! You don't owe him anything anymore! When are you going to start thinking about yourself? About us?"

Touché.

Cal wavered at her words. The more she spoke, the more his determination weakened. He had no choice but cling to his same old song.

"I'm his legal guardian, I promised mom I'd take care of him. I can't break my oath. Not again..."

It would have been easier if Chris was the selfish type. But he didn't choose Marine corps and law enforcement by mistake. He was a man of principle, loyal, honest, trustful. A man with Semper Fidelis inked in his flesh forever.

"Chris!!" Jess was burning with rage and desperation. She was fed up with his sempiternal lame excuses.

She would have slapped his face full force if she could have moved, again and again until he got it, but violence never fixed anything, she was dead certain of this.

Chris’ childhood to adulthood, his former job in the Marine corps, his time in jail, his whole damn life had been nothing but violence, he deserved better from her.

She breathed in and out slowly to calm her nerves down and regain control of her thoughts.

Give him what he needs, that's the only way...

"You're strong Chris. You're a good man! Why can't you see it?"

Cal shook his head, tears threatening again behind his lids.

"I failed. I failed to keep my mom alive. I failed to protect my brother. To serve my country... To make you happy. I don't deserve you..."

"When are you going to stop punishing yourself for things, you're not responsible for? Jesus, your mom died, who's to blame? Not you! You struggled to provide for your brother though you were barely an adult, Chris, you did your best! Oyster made some bad choices, his choices, he fucked up but it was not your fault!"

Gone his sweetheart of a girlfriend, he was facing a new, fierce, unstoppable soldier ready for anything for her love.

Anything. Maybe, even ready to throw everything away for him.

Cal slowly extended his hand to a trembling Jess. This gesture was a dangerous step back, he had promised himself not to touch her, not to smell her nor to get too close. No way he could leave this place without her if their hands were linked.

Jess nearly jumped forward to take it, intertwined her fingers so tightly with his, their knuckles turned white. She closed her other hand over their clasped ones, then pulled them against her cheek, nuzzling against the slightest piece of his skin she could.

The contact of her skin against his made him jolt. His plea slipped through his lips before his brain realized their impact.

"Come with me. I hate to put that on you but... Jess, come with me. I don't want to lose you..."

His words were like slaps in her face. Her jaw dropped down and the look she threw at him slapped him back.

Shit.

She thought she had won. She thought he had heard her words. She thought he would stay. Why would he have offered his hand otherwise?

"Wh..? But... Cal, what are you doing?"

"Come with me Jessica. Let's start a new life in Canada. I love you. I love you!"

His turn to wrap his hand around hers and pull her closer, so his gaze pierced hers, his taut body hovering over her. This could fix everything.

Say yes! Say yes! Say yes!!

Jessica froze in shock, her pupils widened. She would have left all she had behind to follow him. The solution was easy: just go with him!

Just go with him, and become an outlaw. Say goodbye to your family, your career, your dreams, your life. On the run forever with the man she loved. With no future but hiding and lying.

"And you saved your first 'I love you' for the day you leave me..." Jess whispered under her breath, defeated. He killed her hope the second before, and kept doing an excellent job to trample on her heart.

Her whole body slumped down; Cal had to tighten his grip on her hands to get her upright.

Her pale complexion and her trembling voice made her look like a ghost.

"No. I can't. You can't... do that. You can't drag me into a runaway and make me a fugitive. I... I'm... My family is here, my career is here, my life is here... with you!

If you really love me, STAY!"

Chris wobbled, his knees weak under him. She was right, he knew it. He was wrong, doing all wrong, as he always had done. Jessica saw her chance in his hesitation, and played her last card. Faithfulness, Chris' obsession.

"That's not what you promised me. Chris, you promised me..." she burst into tears again, clinging onto him like he was a lifeline. Their love was like the Titanic, they thought it beautiful and in submersible, but it was irremediably sinking in the middle of nowhere and will end up broken shipwreck.

Hold on Rose, you have a chance.

Sorry Jack, you're screwed.

Shit.

He promised her, that day he talked his heart out, in the wee hours of a beautiful day, lying in bed, slowly brushing her delicate face with his fingertips. That day he told her about his plans for the future, their future. Openly daydreaming of his will to marry her, build her a house, have kids with her, three he said, if she agreed. Plus, a dog. One day, he promised, when she would graduate and he would have a better job.

He solemnly promised her to make her happy, happy ever after.

"You deserve to be happy, Chris. We've been so happy together. For fuck sake, why couldn't we just be happy?"

Because happiness is not meant for me.

"Jess, I miss him so much... I have no choice."

"There's always a choice... Let me help!" She begged a last time, squeezing his hands even tightly.

Chris closed his eyes, his sigh shaky through his tight throat. Just do it. Say it.

Now.

"No. Not this time... Let me go, Jess, please..." Chris grudgingly untied their fingers but Jess kept gripping at him, his wrists, his arms, his hoodie. He patiently unhooked each of her attempt, gently but firmly holding her wrists together.

It was so hard, Jesus, to see her face, desperate and drowned in tears, to hear a plea, to hurt her so deeply. But it had to be done. Like ripping off a band-aid. Just do it.

"No, no, no, no, Chris, please, nooo!" She begged, she would have given anything, everything to have him think, find another way, change his fucking mind. To have him stay. Choose her.

All her expectations vanished when Cal took her hands in his large palms, bent to kiss them but just leant his forehead on them, shaken by both their sobs and cries. He knew he couldn't leave if his lips touched her skin again. She knew it too.

Slowly, too slowly, he extended his arms until her fists laid on her chest, her fingers writhing in pain, and stepped back. Unable to look a last time in her eyes, Cal turned his heels and grabbed the doorknob.

"What if I'm pregnant?"

He froze, like punched in his guts.

"What?" His world collapsed. He had all the scenarios figured out, even the worst, but not this one.

He had made love to her earlier that night, knowing it'd be the last time. He made it last long, savoring each second with her, kissing each piece of her body, learning each of her curves by heart with his fingertips. He made it sensual, passionate, beautiful. He had given her all, all of him.

He had laid on his back for hours, his love cuddled on his side, her arms around his chest, like to keep him from running away. Like she felt it.

He had stayed like this forever, staring at the ceiling, listening to her deep breathing, feeling her, smelling her, until he was drunk from her.

"I said, what if I'm pregnant." She stated again, interrupting his thoughts.

"Are you?" He blankly asked.

She might be. From tonight.

She could be. They've been careless for a couple of weeks, their desire so strong they skipped to put a condom on. They both silently agreed, since they had a talk about it: they wanted to spend their lives together and grow a family, one day or another...

Jess had tried the pill, but it hadn't fit her. She tried 3 different brands but every time something went wrong. Cal hated seeing her with cramps or moody and IUD was a big no no due to her young age, so he decided to take the responsibility of the birth control, and simply pulled out at the right time.

Which was, according to Jess, like a firework without the final. Several times, half of the time in fact, she trapped Cal between her legs so he came inside of her. She found it so sexy and powerful.

Sexy but likely give rise to a baby.

Their baby. His.

"You won't stay for me. Would you stay for your child?"

Bitch. She knew how push his button, where it hurt the most. Given what he was doing to her, it was fair.

His guts twisted painfully and nausea invaded his throat at the thought. His deepest nightmare resurfaced: a kid with no father to take care of them, ruffle their hair, tickle them until they're breathless from laughing, play football with them, hug them tight when they're scared or sad. A kid with no dad to love them. A kid like he'd been, grown up before his childhood even had started.

A missing father. That was what he would become if he left now. The worst of the worst. A man he promised himself to never be. Fucking never hurt someone like he'd been hurt.

He unsuccessfully was trying to clear his mind from sadness and anger to redo his math and remember when was her last period. Calculate the odds of a pregnancy. Rate his chance to stay.

Zero.

He sucked. He wasn’t worth anything.

Maybe living was the best he could do to save this child from himself. He was no better father than his own, unable to make a good decision.

Chris dropped his head, his hands tightened in fists, his eyes closed in a frown. He stopped breathing for a long time, until he made his decision.

"I'm sorry." He muttered, grabbing the doorknob.

That was it. She couldn't go, he couldn't stay. I guess that's just the way the story goes.

Such a waste.

Chris pushed the door open, wiped his tears with his sleeve and walked out, without a last glance at her.

#jai courtney #semper fi #fanfiction

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brokemultidotexe · 6 years ago

Text

Wicked Games [M]

Pairing: Jimin x Reader

Summary: You’re at a bar to drown your sorrows but a mystery guy ends up giving you the time of your life. The thrill is what you’ve been craving to suppress the pain and the guy has every intention of giving it to you. [AU]

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: Sexual Themes/Dirty Talk/Voyeurism

Genre: Smut

You were sitting at the bar sipping your jack and coke and doodling on a napkin trying to escape everything that was wrong with your life. Sure, you were still in high school and you knew later in life when you looked back on this it would seem so small. But for now, it was huge. It was the anniversary of your father’s death and you had just found out your boyfriend of three years was cheating on you. All of that happening in the same day caused you to skip school and use your fake ID to get into some bar downtown. You took two gulps and sat your glass back down and asked for another. The bartender obliged but he still looked at you suspiciously but your choice of wearing a low-cut top seemed to be working in your favor. You raised the glass in his direction and took a drink.

"Man, three drinks and it's not even ten o'clock." A voice beside you caused you to turn and look. A man that had dark hair that looked like he’d ran his hands through it one too many times had a teasing smile on his face.

"Yeah well, it's been a shitty day." You turned back to the bar and continued to draw on the napkin you had pulled from behind the bar.

"Well, we all have shitty days." You snorted if he only knew just how shitty your day had been and the day wasn’t even half over. "You draw?" you looked over and was surprised to see him sitting in the seat next to you. You hadn’t even heard him move.

You cleared her throat, "Umm, yeah. I doodle here and there."

You watched as the guy shook his head, "That's not a doodle. You're drawing a detailed picture of the bar." You shrugged. You had picked up drawing after your best friend had taken a liking to it a few years ago. Jungkook still had way more talent than you did but it turned into something you shared and something you both turned to when going through something.

"It's just a hobby." you waved off his comment.

"Well, it shouldn't be. You're extremely talented."

You just stared at him for a moment, "You're going to base my talent off of a napkin in a bar?" you laughed.

"I just call it like I see it." He shrugged.

“Well, my best friend has a lot more talent than I do.”

The guy held out his hand, "I'm Jimin."

You reached for his hand and shook it, "Y/N."

"Well Y/N, since your day is so shitty how about I buy you a real drink?" Jimin motioned for the bartender. "You like coffee?" You nodded. Jimin smiled and turned to the bartender; "Two Black Russians" The bartender nodded and went to mix the drinks. "If you want to forget about your day then this drink will do its job. Just make sure you don't go overboard. My friend Namjoon ended up in another town and no pants the last time he needed to forget a day. That time he ended up forgetting two."

You laughed you first genuine laugh of the day, "Well if this drink is as strong as you say then you will be my knight in shining armor."

"I live to serve," he smirked and did an imaginary hat tip. You rolled your eyes, "So what's your major at Bangtan University?" You knitted your brows in confusion and he pointed to your shirt. You looked down and laughed realizing you had forgotten you had worn a tank top with the school printed across your chest.

"I’m not really sure. Me and my best friend have both discussed possibly going into art together but I may try and turn it into graphic design or something.” You shrugged. You truly didn't know what you were going to do yet.

"I just graduated with an English degree. My parents wouldn’t accept dancing as a true major so I was forced to choose something else." Jimin winked at you and you felt your cheeks warm.

“I wish I could major in dance, I think my life would be made if I could do that.” You sighed knowing that it was only wishful thinking as your parents had made it quite clear that any arts degree was worthless and ever since your dad died your mother had become stricter over your education.

The smile fell from your face and Jimin halted and looked at you worried and confused when tears welled up in your eyes. "Shit Y/N. Whatever I said to upset you I'm so sorry." You shook your head and wiped at your eyes.

"No, it's okay. Like I said it's just a shitty day." You took a shaky breath and you felt Jimin's hand on your shoulder. You could see the concern in his eyes. "It's the anniversary of my dad's death."

"I'm so sorry Y/N." His hand went to yours and gave it an encouraging squeeze. Even though you had just met the guy you could feel his sincerity.

"You know the worst part of it? I found out today that my boyfriend of three years has been screwing his ex for two of them." You didn't have tears anymore you were just angry all over again.

"Well fuck him. He ruined his chance to be with a beautiful woman who is obviously too good for him." He smiled and tucked a stray piece of hair behind your ear. Your eyes locked and you were both startled when the bartender sat the two glasses in front of you. "Thanks, Yoongi, just put all of her stuff on my tab."

You were looking everywhere but where Jimin was. You barely knew this guy and yet here you were opening up to him. You hadn't even been this open with Jungkook today after he heard about what happened. You needed to process everything, and you always processed everything better with a drink in your hand. You loved Jungkook for trying but you needed to do this on your own. You saw Jimin slide the drink over to you and raised his glass. "We drink to those who love us, we drink to those who don't. We drink to those who fuck us, and fuck those who don't!" You busted out laughing at his toast but raised your glass before taking a drink.

"Holy shit!" You started coughing. The drink burned all the way down your throat and you swore you could feel it burning until it hit your stomach. You looked over at Jimin who had a smirk on his face before taking another drink of his own. His face scrunching up as it burned.

"I told you, this will make you forget your shitty day." He had recovered more quickly than you did.

"Fuck, how did you even know about this drink? This is up there with the concoction Taehyung came up with last year." Another one of your friends had decided to take it upon himself to try and find the perfect mix of alcohol that would get you drunk in just one glass.

"Kim Taehyung?" You nodded, "Kid hangs out with my brother."

You raised an eyebrow but before you could even inquire he nodded at your drink for the two of you to take another sip.

You had finished your drink much to your dismay. Jimin had you laughing so much your stomach hurt. He'd gotten on a kick of calling you Jagi after his third drink.

"Hey! he farted on me while I was giving him a blow job and I still stayed with him!" Jimin was practically falling off his stool and could barely catch his breath at your confession. You watched as Jimin wiped the tears from his eyes.

"Oh yeah, he definitely doesn't deserve you. You're too beautiful to be farted on." You both ended up laughing until you were crying again. Once you were able to compose yourselves you held out your hand.

"Give me a dollar; I want to put a song on the jukebox." Jimin obliged pulling his wallet from his pocket and giving you a dollar. You got up and tried your best to walk in a straight line. It was clear that you were completely wasted. You managed to get there without falling on your face. You flipped through the songs but couldn't find one you liked.

"Pick one yet? It's been five minutes." Jimin had wrapped his arms around you and was whispering in your ear. You let a moan slip out and he placed a kiss on your neck.

"I can't pick if you distract me." You mumbled completely caught up in the fact that his lips were on your body. You’d been staring at those lips for the last two hours. Thinking about how they would feel on your lips and body. He pulled away but you could still feel the burning from where his lips had touched. He pulled your arm and turned you around until you were pinned against the jukebox. "Jagi all you've done is distract me tonight. I called off dinner with my brother so I could stay here with you." His hands were on your hips and his thumbs dipped down to run over your hip bones. "So I could touch you." His lips brushed against yours, "In hopes that I could taste you." His hand wrapped around and grabbed your ass. "So I could take you to another place." He rubbed the bulge in his jeans against your hips. You finally gave in and grabbed his head and brought it down to yours. You ran your fingers through his hair and kissed him hard before pulling back to catch your breath.

"Not here." You didn't want to fuck against a jukebox no matter how hot that sounded. Jimin flicked his eyes over to the bathroom and you nodded. He grabbed your hand and dragged you into the woman’s bathroom and locked the door behind you. You pulled him into another kiss and Jimin hands ran down your back until he cupped your ass and raised you up sitting you on the sink in the bathroom. You moaned feeling him suck on your neck. Your whole body tingled when he touched you. Suddenly his lips were crushed on yours and his tongue slipped in your mouth when you gasped. You melted into the kiss and started pulling at his shirt trying to pull it up. He leaned back and let you pull it off while he worked on yours and threw it to the side before crashing his lips back down to yours. You hooked your leg around him and pulled him closer so you could feel his erection beneath his jeans. You pushed your hips into his body and ground against him. The hand that was running up your thigh squeezed hard and he pulled back staring into your eyes. The look of lust would make any woman fall apart. You felt her panties dampen.

You rubbed your hand against the bulge in his jeans "Damn Jagi you're going to be the death of me." His voice was deep and gravely and he ran his hand up your thigh and up grabbed your ass. "These need to go." You pulled him in for another kiss as he lifted you off the sink and helped you push them down and step out of them. Once you were free of them his hand slid over your stomach and down to the wetness in between your legs.

"Someone's ready." He sucked on your neck again and you ran your nails down his back roughly. That seemed to push him even farther as he lifted you up and had you against the wall. "If you keep doing that I won't be able to hold back."

You nibbled on his earlobe, "I don't want you to."

Jimin growled and he undid his belt and kicked his pants off. You felt your panties being pulled to the side and you moaned when you felt him slide inside you. The rough fabric from his boxers was pressed against your clit causing pleasurable friction. You ground your hips into him and whimpered.

"Shit, you feel so good." You didn't get a chance to say anything because he started fucking you hard against the wall. You could barely catch your breath and you couldn't control your moans as they grew louder. He covered your mouth with his as he continued to plow into you. He wasn't sweet and careful, he was rough and controlling and that was exactly what you needed.

You were back at school the next day your head was throbbing but you were hoping the two aspirin you took earlier would take care of your headache before you had to go to class. Your head was down on the table in the courtyard when your way too excited best friend sat down beside you.

"So, my brother is back in town."

You lifted your head. Ah, the mysterious brother that Jungkook only saw every other month because he had been in college and served in the military. You’d never actually met him despite how long you and Jungkook had been friends but it never really bothered you. From what Jungkook said he was a lady’s man anyways and would probably try to get with you so he didn’t want the two of you to meet despite how much he loved his brother. "That's awesome Kookie. But can you talk a little lower, I'm about to die."

"Well too bad. We have English next and apparently, there's a substitute teacher, so it should be a breeze." Jungkook pulled on your arm until you relented and stood up walking towards your next class together.

"Earth to Y/N!" You jolted and looked at Jungkook with a scowl. You had been reliving yesterday and had no intention coming back to the present. "Come on." Jungkook dragged you into the class and you took your normal seat with Jungkook seated behind you. You had your head on your desk while Jungkook was chatting away with Tae giving you the semi-peace and quiet you were looking for.

"Alright, guys settled down." You lifted your head up. Damn you were even hearing his voice now; you really needed to shake off the previous day. "I'm your substitute, Mr. Park." The substitute turned around and your eyes locked.

"That's my brother," Jungkook whispered in your ear leaning over his desk sounding like the news shocked him as well.

The two of you continued to stare at each other before Jimin cleared his throat and tried his best to keep his voice normal and kept talking over what was planned for the period. You could feel the blood pounding in your ears. Holy fuck! You’d fucked Park Jimin. You’d fucked Jungkook’s brother. The worst part is you wanted to do it again.

AN: I hope you guys enjoyed this and it wasn’t too awful. If there are errors forgive me this was written at like 1am. This is my first Jimin fic and I have to say I’m a fan of writing Jimin.

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theuniversebeyondtherain · 7 years ago

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Flower crown, fairy lights, daisies, 1975, pantone, moodboard, stars, plants, converse, lace, sunrise, overalls, combat boots, winged eyeliner, pastel, tattoos, piercings, messy bun, cry baby, grunge, old books, beaches, 11:11, painting, thunder, storms, love, clouds, coffee, marble (sorry I just can't restrain myself ahahaha)

flower crown: when did you last sing to yourself?

This morning while I was packing my things? I seriously can’t restrain myself, even when my voice was completely broken I sang a bit :3

fairy lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know?

Too many things... Maybe I’d want to know it make it through my studies or if I can achieve my dreams to become a writer and to open my own bookshop ? Or maybe i’ll just ask it if my beloved cat if happy where he is now, or if I could have done something more to help before he died...

daisies: what is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

Hum..... Being alive I guess? Though I ca’t really say I’m in good health but at least I’m here, happy and alive with my friends and my family?

1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise?

Two days ago, I went shopping with my mom. It had been a very long time since I went with her. It made me very happy to do that with her. (since I live in a different city I usually go with my friends, @le-rire-des-etoiles I’ll always remember when you shut the curtain closed while saing “HIDE” xD It was so true !!!

pantone: describe a person close to your life in detail.

Wow I’ve got like 4 ppl that came up to my mind rn... Which one should I chose :3 I’ll start with the first one that appeared to me. She has long brown hairs (she’ll never do anything to them I tried to convince her to die them in green for a night with a perfectly nice hair coloring which didn’t last more that one shampoo but I’m still trying xD). She has some rectangular glasses because she doesn’t see very well with her brown eyes. She’s kinda small (smaller than me and I consider myself as a Hobbit xD), but as we say, everything small is cute! She’s very energic, she works in a school with some small children. She’s passionate about everything she does, which goes from friends, to work, parties and family. She’s a veeeery bad loser when we play (she can throw the cards at your face when we play Uno xD very funny actually) and we don’t always agree but it’s always nice because we can talk about almost everything without going into a big fight. But still, when she has an opinion, it’s almost impossible to make her changer her mind or even accept you have a different opinion, but it’s almost always on un-important subjects so it’s not a big deal. She’s very friendly and a very good cook too, even if shes kinda desperate that I can’t really make decisions, and I really love her.

moodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood?

Yep, it was hard sometimes, but when I consider my friends childhoods, I definitly have a happy one.

stars: when did you last cry in front of another person?

Last night? We were watching a singing contest at the TV and we tarted crying like babies in front of one man... Still, amazing moment.

plants: pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them.

@snarky-goldfish, @le-rire-des-etoiles and another friend who’s not on tumblr (Xao) because I can’t do that without all of them. They’re the best bunch of friends I’ve ever had and stargazing without all three of them wouldn’t be as fun as it would be with the three of them. @snarky-goldfish would go for the sarcastic or the sexual inuendues, @le-rire-des-etoiles would roll her eyes but go for it with a bunch of fun facts about it, and Xao and I would just listen and laugh while thinking about very sexual things that don’t belong there because we have a dirty mind xD

converse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them?

I had once, and we became friends xD But that’s not a thing I normally do, I guess it just depend of the feeling I have with this person?

lace: when was your last 3am conversation with someone, and who were they to you?

It was like two weeks ago I think ? I was sick AF and so was my best friends so we start chitchatting instead of sleeping because we’re fucked up like that xD

sunrise:pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally.

“Life isn’t about finding yourself, it’s about creating yourself.” Troye Sivan.

overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars?

Go in vacation and fuck this world I guess? XD

combat boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way?

I am, I don’t know how to keep a grudge against someone for a long time. But I learned to be less forgiving or at least, even if I can forgive I never forget. But being always angry about someone is exhausting and I have better things to do.

winged eyeliner: write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self.

Hum.... Let’s pass this one darling because I’ve already wrote a novel with the answers and I still have like the half to go xD But I can do that in another post :P

pastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel?

OMG definitely punk xD I love pastels too, but I’m more like punk and colors everywhere (even if they don’t belong together).

tattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain.

I love tatoos, I’d love to get one but I’m afraid of needles xD And I’m not against piercings even if I won’t have it, It’s leaves marks and I have already enough of them.

piercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not?

Not a lot of but I do wear make up. I like to cover my scars, I’m quite insecure about them.

messy bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them.

But in times of crisis, the wise build bridges, while the foolish build barriers.

cry baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel.

OMG that’s gonna be a long one... Let’s begin : Sting (in which he reformed The Police, it was fucking amazing), Tokio Hotel, twice (I loved them and it was some very good concerts), Katy PErry (She was very nice actually), Silbermond (in some ancients roman ruins, I loved it), Tiger Lilies (freak show, scary but amazing), Queen, the Musical (not FReddy Mercury but still great), Within Temptation, twice too (first one was beautiful, the second much less because they wanted us to be seated like WTF), Tarja Turunen (I’m still crying because it was beautiful, and the drummer was amazing), Nightwish, three times (I WANNA GO AGAIN !!!!), Nickelback (I was in the first raw thanks to a friend, it was amazing!!!). Imagine Dragons (Loved it even if I drank a bit too much vodka), Robin des Bois (Loved it and cried a bit), The Script (Still there, once of the most beautiful ones), and I’m going to see Fall Out Boy next week :D

grunge: who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say?

I really don’t know...

old books: what’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know?

I saw a porno for the first time when I was 10 and it actually really trauamtized me.

beaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why?

Purple/pink because I already tried all the natural colors and I like the purple best :P

11:11:name three wishes and why you wish for them.

Well, it’s said that if we talk about our whishes they don’t come true... So i’ll better stay quiet ;)

painting:what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up.

Hum..... Two years ago, a friend of mine tried to put make up on me so I would look like the black swann in the Black Swan movie... I ended up as the Joker and it was faaaaar more fun !

thunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars?

Kill or abuse someone.

storms: you on only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why?

Never give up on your dreams from Two Steps From Hell because it’s freaking inspiring and also it doesn’t have lyrics so I won’t grow tired of the voice or anything... But for the one person I’ll end up with the rest of my life... I can’t choose. Normally I would have said my cat but since he’s not here anymore.... I really don’t know ^^

love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realise you’re in love.

Yes I have. It’s like having a bunch of butterflies in the stomach... I didn’t really understood what was happening to me and the next thing I knew was that I was always smiling and feeling happy. I blushed a lot too but it’s kinda normal for me xD I don’t reallly know what it felt when I realised it, I was just really happy and I wanted to share my happiness too. It wa like seeing the sun everyday even if it was raining. It was the first time I was in love so yeah... it sounds a bit childish ^^

clouds: if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair?

Fuck yeah I’m a girl and I’ve gone with realy short hair in which I put some hair gel for years ! Even if I’m strating to let them grow now (the last one was too short, they were like 5mms long at the back... too short), I’ll always like short hair :D

coffee: what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone?

Well given that I don’t like coffee, I’ll say they’re iced green tea... But It’s trust @snarky-goldfish and @le-rire-des-etoiles to order me something because they know me by heart and they’ll go for something I wouldn’t have even try (and mostly liked) without them.

marble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now?

Writing. I’m fed up with my studies and I really need a way to clear my mind and not t explode. So writing it is ! Because I’ll always like it more than sports xD

So here you go Sweetheart @roxas-j-frost ! There was a hell lot of questions but I’ve managed to answer them all !! Yeepee !!! I really had fun with that and I hope you’ll like my answers !!!

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bitchfromthecrypt · 4 years ago

Text

This Book Belongs To: Melody

Synopsis:

Sometimes, life doesn't go quite the way you’d expect.

Death however, never goes the way you’d expect.

Melody Adler; daughter, mother, widow.

She was a woman of many words, and even more talents, a kind soul who strives for the very best at every turn.

She longed to one day move her mother and daughter out of her rundown apartment, far away the hustle and bustle of the city.

Unfortunately, none of that matters because she's dead.

Melody woke up in the middle of an empty field, left with nothing but her new diary, her memories, a whole lot of questions and no one to ask them to.

At first she couldn’t tell if she was in hell or heaven.

Then she met Her.

And it all went down hill from there.

———————————————————————

Criticsm is always welcome and greatly appreciated!!!! I’m a new writer and I’m making up 99% of this as I go lol

Hope you enjoy!!!

Double chapter cause the first ones incredibly short

Entry Two

I'm going to go for a walk.

I can't sit here twiddling my thumbs for all eternity.

I'm not sure I could stand it.

Although it's not like exercising would do me any good.

Not much affects me nowadays.

Not physically.

I miss it, the groundedness of a body.

I can still see myself, I can see my hands, my thick black hair, my dark skin.

And yet, nothing is quite solid.

I'm weightless.

Thinking back, when I first arrived here, I panicked, as any sane person would.

All I could think about was how difficult it was to take a deep breath.

It hasn't changed.

I can't feel air in my lungs anymore.

When I touch something, I go through it.

Everything intertwines, it’s almost like locking hands with someone.

No, it's more like running your hands through water.

It's near impossible to describe, all I can truthfully say is how unsettling it is to never feel the ground underneath you.

I should leave soon.

“Last night" lasted a very long while.

I may have time to wait for light, but I do not have the patience.

I will not lie here and wait for nothing.

Idle hands and all that.

Entry Three

I wasn't trying to get lost, obviously.

I don't enjoy not knowing where I am.

Then again, that's more of a constant these days.

I didn't want to return.

I couldn't. Not yet.

It's too much.

Waking up everyday to the same empty sky and knowing for a fact that there's no one.

No one and nothing other than you and your memories that seem like they took place so long ago.

I just wanted to breathe.

Besides, it's not like I wouldn't wake up right back where I started.

It's happened the last twenty times.

I just wanted to see something different.

Unfortunately, there was only the forest.

I couldn't tell you how long I walked, only that if I was alive I would've passed out miles before I'd stopped.

I was pleased to see that the trees seem to get bigger the deeper you go, anything different is a breath of fresh air.

I was however, unsettled to see the path follows you, no matter where you step.

If I took my eyes off it, even for a second, even just to blink, it would be miles ahead of wherever I had planned to walk.

Little things like that remind me of where I am now.Of what I am now.

It truly takes what little charm this place could ever have and rips it to shreds.

It got dark.

I thought I'd stay longer, no point in being afraid of the dark when nothing is there to kill you.

Not that anything could to begin with.

I walked until I couldn't tell if it was still night or if it was day, as the trees were so dense, so packed together, their branches deeply intertwined, almost tangled.

I couldn't see my own hand in front of my face.

They arched over me.

To keep me trapped. Or to shield me.

I don't think I’m meant to know which.

I walked further still.

I lied down right where I stood and slept on the ground.

I was reminded of my own bed.

I got the frame on sale for 7 dollars, a great deal, but at the time it was a big purchase.

The mattress, I got from my mother's oldest church friend henrietta.

Her son went away to college and his mattress had been used for so long she didn't think it would sell well.

Plus she'd do anything to help out poor little Loretta and her starving daughter.

That's one thing I don't miss.

We were a tight knit community, which meant everyone knew everyone's business, and they damn sure had something to say about it.

Every single time we went to church or school, someone had to bring it up.

My mother worked her behind off cleaning their houses and cleaning up after their kids, just to make sure we had everything we needed, only to be told to her face and behind her back that it would never be enough.

Pity and prayers don't pay bills.

And in most cases I wouldn't call what they felt for us pity.

Anyway, the bed was horrid.

Sleeping on the ground felt only slightly worse. And it smelled a lot better.

Perhaps the tangent made me restless but I could not sleep.

Something felt wrong.

Not bad necessarily, just off. I felt like I was being watched.

And I knew it was silly of me, I hadn't seen so much as a tick in this entire forest.

Still, I felt eyes on me.

After a while I couldn't take it anymore.

I spoke.

Nothing much, I only asked if anyone was there.

I knew in my head it was ridiculous, I wasn’t that much of a fool.

I just felt this need. A need be around another human, another animal even.

I just couldn’t help but think that maybe, somewhere out in this forest there was some little creature sitting all alone in this dark, watching me sleep.

Maybe it just needed to be around someone too.

Most likely not, but common sense isn't a strong suit of mine right now.

I haven't had much need to practice.

Of course nothing responded.

But I wasn’t ready to give up on my fantasy yet.

I stood and called out to it again.

Silence.

The air fell still as I waited for something, anything.

I didn’t breathe for fear that I’d miss it.

And still, complete silence.

I sighed to myself and lied back down, form in my previous belief that there was, indeed no on there.

That I was alone.

That all I could do was sit down, shut up, and go to sleep.

The unchanging realm would be waiting for me in the “morning”, and it was pointless to think differently.

I fell into a depressing silence, I closed my eyes, and I let myself drift into unconsciousness.

Hoping that maybe this time, I at least wouldn’t wake up to face the same blank sky again.

Then the sound.

A snap.

It was so faint I almost missed it.

But I heard it, I know I did.

A twig snapped.

It was so close, I could've reached it in five paces.

I had never yearned for a flashlight so desperately, I would've killed for a bit of moonlight in that moment.

I guessed where the sound had come from, and darted after it.

I was never even sure if it was really there, I almost gave up, until I heard it.

The footsteps.

Quick, quiet little footsteps.

I was elated, something, some person, some animal, some creature was there.

I could've cried, I would've cried!

Until I tripped.

I hadn't payed attention to where I was running, and I tripped.

Over my own feet.

I hit my head.

I know that because I woke up in the very same field I do every day.

It was devastating being so close only to suddenly wake up and be faced with the fact that I will most likely never see whatever was there again.

I couldn’t have been dreaming.

I don't know what I’ll do if I imagined it all, I don't think I could take it.

My solace though! My delight! My proof!

I have a scar on my knee.

It's small, nearly imperceptible, but it's there, it's a scar!

For a moment, long enough for me to injure myself, I went somewhere.

Somewhere I could get hurt.

Somewhere other than here.

I need to go again.

I'm going on another walk. Right now.

I’ll run into whatever was watching me eventually, I just have to keep walking.

#mine #me #black writer #book #lesbian #gay #black lesbian #black fiction #black writers #blackauthors #support black writers #black characters #vampires #goddesses #slow burn #new writer #wlw writing #wlwoc #wlw

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seylennotes · 8 years ago

Conversation

The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch with Jeffrey Zaslow

I have read this book many times in 2010, his words has left permanant values in my mind. So I reread the book again yesterday (years later) and I still love it. He is gone, but his inspiration will be always here.

You could say I love collecting words or saying that speak to me. So I compiles below my favorite saying from the book.

-"Here was a woman, having a child by accident that she surely would come to love. As for me, through the accident of cancer I'd be leaving three children to grow up without my love."

-"We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand."

-"My mother was a tough, old-school English teacher.. my dad was a World War II medic and he ran a small business which sold uto insurance."

-"In fact, growing up, i thought there were two typles of families:

1) those whoneed a dictionary to get through dinner.

2) Those who don't.

-"He'd also warn me that even if I was in a position of strength, whether at work or in relationships, I had to play fair. 'Just because you're in the driver's seat,doesn't mean you have to run people over."

-"Anybody out there who is a parent, if your kids want to paint their bedrooms, as a favor to me, let them do it. It'sll be OK."

-"Have something to bring to the table, because that will make you more welcome."

-"You've got to get the fundamentals down, because otherwise the fancy stuff is not going to work."

-"When you're screwing up and nobody says anything to you anymore, that means they've given up on you."

-"You give them something they can't do, they work hard until they find they can do it, and you just keep repeating the process."

-"What we really want them to learn is far more important: teamwork, perseverance, sportmanship, the value of hardwork, an ability to deal with adversity."

-"I don't believe in the no-win scenario."

-"The brick walls are there for a reason. They're not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something."

-"The park is open until 8 p.m."

-"Randy it's such a shame that people perceive you as being so arrogant, because it's going to limit what you're going to be able to accomplish in life."

-"People are more important than things"

-"I also want my niece and nephew to tell my kids a few things. First they can say simply that 'Your dad asked us to spend this time with you, just like he spent time with us.' I also hope they'll also explain to my kids how hard I fought to say alive. I signed up for the hardest treatments that could be thrown at me because I want to be around as long as possible to be there for my kids."

-"You can wlasy change your plan, but only if you have one."

-"HI, this is Randy, I waited until i was 39 to get married, so my wife and I are going away for a month. I hope you don't have a problem with that, but my boss does. Apparently, I have to be reachable. I then gave the names of Jai's parents and the city where they live. 'If you all directory assistance, you can get their number. And then, if you can convince my new in-law that your emergency merits interrupting their only daughter's honeymoon, they have our number."

-"Time is all you have. And you may find one day that you have less than you think."

-"Educators best serve students by helping them be more self-reflective."

-"If students in a particular group were standing close together, I knew they had bonded, and that the virtual world they created would be something worth seeing."

-"If I have to die, I am comforted by having Alice as a professional legacy."

-"I understand the arguments about how he billions of dollars spent to put men on the moon could have been used to fight poverty and hunger on earth. But, look, I'm a scientist who sees inspiration as the ultimate tool for doing good."

-"Life is too short. Somehow, with the passage of time, and the deadlines that life imposes, surrendering became the right thing to do."

-"Complaining does not work as a strategy. We all have finite time and energy. Any time we spend whining is unlikely to help us achieve our goals. And it won't make us happier."

-"What if we did A, instead of B?"

-"Almost everybody has a good side. Just keep waiting. It will come out."

-"Just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do."

-"It's not how hard you hit. It's how hard you get hit.. and keep moving forward."

-"First penguin are losers who were difinitely going somewhere."

-"We don't want to create somethingthat people will want to destroy."

-"Go out and do for others what somebody did for you."

-"If I do something, what's the most terrible thing that could happen? Would I be eaten by a wolves?"

-"Halfhearted or insincere apologies are often worse than not apologizing at all because recipints find them insulting."

-"There is more than one way to measure profits and losses. On every level, institutions can and should have a heart."

-"If you're going to be a salesman, you might as well be selling something worthwhile, like education."

-"With all the deference my young, arrogant self could muster, I said 'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply it was about money. It's just that they only awarded fifteen of these fellowship nationwide, so I thought it is an honor that would be relevant, and I apologize if that was presumptuos of me."

-"Everyone has to contribute to the common good. TO not do so can be described in one word: selfish."

-"Whenn we are connected to others, we become better people."

-"Sometimes all you have to do is ask."

-"She is too young. But I want her to grow up knowing that I was the first man ever to fall in love with her."

-"I love all three of my kids completely and differently. And I want them to know that I will love them for as long as they live. I will."

-"Kids, don't try to figure out what I wanted you to become. I want you to become what you want to become."

-"I've also reminded her that she's going to make mistakes and to just accept that. If I were able to live, we'd be making those mistakes together."

-"It's about how to lead your life. If you lead your life the right way, the karma will take care of itself. The dream will come to you."

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