#like you can disagree with them but remember to have some empathy i know i wasn't perfect when i was their age

[riggerbison]

can you share more of your theories about why some home school characters were sent there?

so i don't tend to like to share theories because i know i will come off insane and that's why i share them with liz because he already knows this about me

so lets start with maki...and i know you're like but she wasn't sent there, she chose to go. did she tho? what we know about home school is that the unwanted children are sent there by their abusive/neglectful parents. which means that run had to be there by their father. i know you're like "he could have been a scholarship kid" and while sure maybe he was, their house just looked a little big from what we could see of it so i am going with that they were in fact rich before maki was given to the orphanage (which is a whole other board, i got going on but mostly that's just questions). i'm more than 100% sure that master amin knows exactly who maki is and i would even bet two nickels that he set it up for her to come to home school when it was her turn. we know amin told run to kill someone, could have very well been his own father. as it was clear that run had already been at home school at the point that his dad died...since like why else would he warn maki against it. you know warn her in the same way amin warned the children not to go into the forest because it's dangerous.....and yet they did anyway, just as she came to home school anyway as well.

my boy nai...now i'm crossing my fingers that the reason he was sent there is that his father has that toxic masculinity problem and thinks that nai just isn't "man" enough to handle their family name. as it's something mentions about their family needing to be handle pressure and well...nai doesn't handle that well. if anything he questions himself a lot and is always kind of surprised when people have faith in him. which, could be because for years his father has lowered his self-esteem. now my one fear is that nai also shows some stalker-like traits. i know we all want to clap our hands about how nai sticks up for white but....like that's also something stalkers can do as well. he's almost white-knighting himself into her heart and it's kind of weird that he showed up in the hall with her and jean. could be "right place, right time" but still worrisome. the other thing is copycatting behavior of tibet. again these things could be linked to his low self-esteem but again like everyone else he might need some therapy.

jingjai....my pot who calls the kettle black. i literally had to laugh when she admitted that she was fake because yeah girl, so why are you so mad at phleng? they both are two people who manipulate others and jingjai tends to do hers through sexual seduction. which, makes me a little afraid as to what got her sent to home school since she has a clear problem with seeing she has more to offer than just her body. also there is the whole fact that she mentions her dad living alone...yet her mom was the one who was there at the "exam". like either she is lying or her mom's use of "relief" of jingjai being accepted has something to do with the situation between her parents.

mek & mork...they need a get-along t-shirt...and so do their parents. if they could have sat further away from each other on that couch during the exam and been in the same frame, i'm sure they would have. they're likely going through a divorce, already have gone through one, or really in the desperate need of one. as a child of two divorces it can be very traumatic especially if their parents are not only pitting the twins against each other but using the kids against the other parent. which is what i wonder the whole your dad and your mom was about. maybe each parent has a favorite. them fighting could be exactly what got them sent to home school but i'm gathering we'll get to find out next ep as it did seem like they were slugging it out in the previews.

fuiji...now i know her dad is a woman-hater but i definitely think there's more to her story. as she is so quick to call everyone out, tell on them, and she has such a cancel culture mentality. her wording to phleng was specifically worrisome. and maybe it was that she just kept calling her dad out on his bullshit (as she should) but there's also the possibility that she ran into some other kind of trouble at school where she called someone else out. to be honest, if anyone is gonna stab the group in the back, i would put my money on her.

my happy but not so happy biw...no one smiles that much and isn't hiding so much pain. there's definitely something up with the way she's meant to appear so innocent with the bows and the pigtails and it's terrible concerning paired with her dad's words of wanting to hide her from the bad stuff in the world. pairing that with a shot of her in the trailer of what looks like her flashback, i feel like her backstory will most certainly need a tw.

jean..so i remember when liz and i were watching the first two eps and they were like "what even is the other guy's name?" and that says a lot about jean. he kind of keeps himself hidden behind hugo (hilarious when you compare heights) and really until the whole offer of paying the money he hadn't made a whole lot of waves. it's why if i had to put my money on someone being sent by a homophobic parent it's probably jean. and it very much ties into what his dad said about how home school "could change his son". that's homophobic slang for make him straight. and he also pulls a very vegas theerapanyakul move of having the lighter for hugo's cigarettes.

now as for hugo....he's my engima. i really couldn't gather to guess what got him sent to home school unless his dad was down right serious about wanting him to be a better person. which if that's the case then maybe it wasn't trauma at home that made him that way? it's obvious he has little dog syndrome and has to make himself appear bigger than he is. he could have very well been bullied when he was younger. not a reason to be a dick...but alas it happens.

oh and tibet...something fishy going on there too. because even if he is a scholarship kid...his mom would have had to sign all the same paper work to, right?

as i said these are just theories and we're only four episodes in. i am definitely curious to see how it all unfolds. and how well they'll stick together as a group. and also what's run deal is....(another board..yes i have many).

anyways if you read all this you deserve my love 💛

[autistichalsin]

So I don't usually post all that many Astarion thoughts here, but I have noticed that some people feel that a certain set of lines spawn Astarion and ascended Astarion have in the new evil endings would have been better suited for the other. Namely, after the Dark Urge stabs either of them, Spawn Astarion cries, "I should have killed you when I had the chance!" while Ascended Astarion breaks down into inelegant blubbering, "no! No, this can't be. I can't- you can't- no!"

And I can definitely understand where it might feel like these would be better responses for the other- but I happen to completely disagree.

So, Astarion, first and foremost, is a fear-driven person after what he's been through. Everything- manipulating others, seeking power, lacking empathy- comes from his belief that power is all that matters, the only way to avoid being hurt, and only his quest to become the powerful one at last matters.

Through his friendship or romance (in this case, obviously, romance) with the player, though, he starts to find this being challenged. He sees genuine kindness for the first time. No expectations that he lay down his body to get advantages. No using him. His dignity and boundaries respected for the first time that he can remember. This is set against the backdrop of Cazador and the other spawn. If he kills them and takes Cazador's power, he can become powerful enough to never fear again. But if he doesn't, he can be something more than the game Cazador pulled him into when he made him a spawn.

Your confrontation with Cazador is the moment you either entrench Astarion in this belief, or free him from it. If you let him ascend, he becomes all-powerful- at the cost of believing forever that the world is nothing more than an extended power trip, a system where by necessity there are lower people and higher people and only the strong can be free. And he has finally become the strongest of the strong.

So imagine his surprise when you, who he thought was under his thumb, grab more power than him and kill him just like that. No chance to fight back or use his vampire lord powers. He went through all that, sacrificed the core of who he was- and it still wasn't enough. His one concession to his dog-eat-dog philosophy, his love for you, was the thing that let him die. No wonder, then, that all he can do is babble out something between disbelief, a plea, and a last attempt to assert power over you. He was as powerful as he ever could have hoped to be, and he still lost, cast aside by you as soon as he was no longer useful.

Meanwhile, there's spawn Astarion, weaker in every measure- but free of his belief that power is all that matters. He's fought hard and discarded Cazador entirely- including all the power he offered. He committed himself to becoming better. To experiencing a life where things like happiness and love have just as much of a place as sheer power. And he was enjoying it, too, especially with you at his side.

And then you show him that that was all a lie, that he may very well have made the wrong choice by abandoning all that; for all he knows, you may even have talked him out of the ritual specifically so he would be easier to kill later.

So it's not disbelief and begging. Spawn Astarion actually loved and trusted you and foresook his social-Darwinist beliefs for you; what he feels is raw betrayal. And betrayal gives way to anger rapidly. So instead, he's the one cursing you with his last breath. Lamenting that he let you live at all, let alone falling in love with you.

Ascended Astarion became more powerful but more arrogant, so his reaction is that of someone who can't wrap his head around how this could have happened. Spawn Astarion foresook power for the sake of a real relationship with you, so his reaction is utter fury and betrayal.

[kesia-stupid-arts]

please share your woodrow / wx headcanons im so curious. I also widely disagree with most of what the fandom has to say about them

Ahh, sorry for taking so long to respond to this! WX-78's buildday was tomorrow, maybe this is the best time to respond to this! LOL

I've thought about this, and I've realized this is not exactly a headcannon... just an analysis and theory of their canon, but everyone can have a different interpretation anyways.

You see, I usually see how people write WX as someone who still has the memories of their time as a human, but if you analyze it well, they don't.

If you take a good look at their dialogues, you will notice that they are ignorant about some things that humans commonly should know about, for example, WX does not know what a cat is, they don't know about christmas traditions, and a lot of other dialogues that make it seem like they know nothing about human's world.

But the best evidence is in their animated short, when Winona re-connects the Empathy Module, their memories as "Woodrow" flow back (they immediatly remove it because they don't like it). In my opinion, the Empathy Module isn't exactly a component that gives WX-78 emotions or empathy, but it's a module where Woodrow's memories were stored, and by removing it, they lose all their memories as a human.

However, WX-78 might not forget EVERYTHING, there's some dialogues that they imply they still remember a few things:

Probably there were a few memories so deeply stuck into WX's mind that it survived the removal of the Empathy Module.

Btw, a little theory I'd like to share: In my opinion, WX-78 and Wagstaff knew about the Moon even BEFORE entering the Constant. The way WX speaks about the Moon makes it seem that's was always a goal they've been pursuing for a long time, which makes me think that Wagstaff found out about Alter's power at the time Woodrow or WX were working with him, and by consequence, WX also knew about it. This might also be a memory stuck with WX that survived the disconnection of the Empathy Module: Their goal to get the Moon's power.

But anyway, that's just my interpretation and theories about their character, no one is wrong for having their own theories or hcs!

[coveredinmetaldust]

The discourse around the OceanGate situation is making me really fucking mad. You are getting a lot of posts like this one where people are decrying how inhumane it is for people to meme on the situation instead of grieving for the kind of people would work you to death if it meant a 0.002% stock price increase.

Yup, these fucking losers are equating willfully creating a death trap and killing 5 other people instantly to a car accident.

I don’t even entirely disagree that yes, it is tragic. I’d rather they didn’t die from an implosion caused by their metal death-tube crumpling in on itself because the arrogant shithead CEO decided that all these safety standards other subs adhere to were getting in the way of innovation. Obviously it would have been preferable to find them drifting on the ocean surface a day later shaken but ultimately unharmed.

No, I’m mad about how blatantly lopsidedly this flavor of moral outrage is always applied. You never see these people on Reddit, Twitter, etc crawl out of the woodwork to denounce the people saying “well he was no angel” when a person of color is gunned down by the police. You never see these same multi-paragraph posts decrying how immoral it is to say “play stupid games win stupid prizes” when this shit happens to the poor, disenfranchised, etc.

You don’t see it, because the people currently on their high horse are the same people who would call you a fucking idiot if you were on this submarine.

If the entree fee was $250 and five working class people were killed I can guarantee you'd see these same people joking about Darwin awards instead of saying stuff like this.

But no no, suddenly now is the time to stop victim blaming and start grandstanding while clutching at pearls. Now is the time to get indignant and accuse people not of feeling empathy and being inhumane sociopaths. There are now were entire call-out topics on Reddit where they organized and briggaded anyone who dares to say anything bad about these poor billionaires. Where the FUCK was this outrage during, I dunno, pick any one of the numerous fucking examples of brutality and/or exploitation occurring within the last three years. Oh right, these dopey fucks were too busy wagging their fingers at the victims and telling them to take Personal Responsibility™. Too bad, if only they were born rich—then maybe these paragons of virtue on social media would go to bat for them.

But you know what the worst part of this discourse is? I can’t quite put it into words, but it’s so blatantly fucking obvious to me that all of this is insincere—this is actual virtue signaling. You can just tell by the tone, the regurgitated talking points, the slimy smug indignation. This is false empathy over people they couldn’t care less about and won’t even remember in a week, because the point isn’t to being a compassionate person.

No, this to grandstand and get that dopimine rush by calling people out. This is being done to score points for some political ideology and Own The Libs/Commies/Socialists/[insert any slightly left of center ideology]. This is so the Panglossian shitheels of social media can maintain the status quo and feel superior by stamping out any act of defiance or rebellion.

None of these of these people seemed to care about how disrespectful this kind of disaster tourism is for the victims of the Titanic. (Victims, who, were mostly lower class since the wealthy were the ones who were allowed to escape.) They don’t care that these rich assholes were profiteering off a tragedy and making a spectacle out of visiting a mass grave. No, they save that smug, condescending, and cynical response for the people who call out these rich assholes.

It makes me want to throw my computer into the ocean.

Now, if you are one of these people I’m screaming into the void about, and you genuinely do not understand why people are memeing the situation so hard, you need to take a step back and recognize that this is, objectively, an absurd and cartoonish situation. This could have easily been a plot for an episode of The Simpsons. This whole goddamn situation reads like something thrown together by a room of writers who were trying to out “yes and” one another until one stopped everyone and said: “Woah woah, hold on. The CEO’s wife is a descendant of the Titanic victims? Isn’t that just a little much?” And then everyone else ignored this person and just kept fucking going.

In short: it was the perfect storm of absurdity, coincidence, hubris, tragedy, and stupidity.

But that's just a surface level explanation which ignores the context of the last hundred or so years. Ask yourself: "why are so many people so unsympathetic towards these particular victims?" Well, there are a multitude of reasons that contributed to how we got to this point and this guy does a much better job of explaining it than I ever could:

[thyme-in-a-bubble]

It’s beneficial for others, but usually ends up hurting you

A/N: this was an old blurb originally posted back in the summer of 2022. kinda forgot I never reuploaded it... I remember writing this in a frenzy after being in a fight an ex friend. or well, idk if you would call it a fight when it was just them shamelessly and blindly not comprehending why their words and opinions hurt me........ ANYWAYS! good thing that person isn't a part of my life anymore. that relationship really was a great reminder of the important lesson that not everyone deserves your kindness or to be your friend.

warnings: Spencer Reid x reader, hurt/comfort, hyper empathy, meltdown, the aftermath of dealing with some stupid people

∼ gentle reminder that feedback, but especially reblogs are the way you support writers on here ∽

masterlist | join my taglist

“Hey,” you heard, causing you to peek open your eyes and see Spencer hovering over you. 

Letting out a small hum in response, you attempted to offer him a small smile. Kneeling down next to your vertical position on the couch, he gently rested his chin on your arm.

“How long have you been laying here?”

“I don’t know,” you whispered, staring firmly at the corner of the ceiling. 

You felt one of his fingers hook around your cold ones, “did something happen?”

“No,” you automatically replied, then tried again, “or well, maybe? I don’t know… I’m fine, really, it was nothing.”

“I think your body disagrees with you there… you’re shaking.”

“Yeah, I know, and my pulse is all funky and my circulation is weird,” lifting up your left hand to check, “see, it looks like I have blue nail polish on. I’m okay, my head is fine, my body’s just not on the same page about how I should react, that’s all, I’m just waiting it out.”

“Are you sure that your body is the one that’s not reacting logically?”

“Yeah.”

“What happened?”

“It was nothing, just had a conversation with someone who has polar opposite views on some things, and they sometimes hurt me… not intentionally, of course, and I don’t try to make them change their mind, we’re all different and that’s beautiful, but I just tried to make them understand that what they said hurt me and they just couldn’t see it. And I think because I understand them, and where they were coming from, I don’t feel like I can be mad at them. They’re my friend, just because they have opinions that hurt me doesn’t mean I can make them out to be the bad guy.”

“So, you make yourself the bad guy just to what, potentially save a friendship? Avoid conflict?”

Squeezing your eyes shut, you sighed, “urgh, hyper empathy sucks. I wish I could just be mad and that’s it, but no, I have to understand, empathise, and then I feel bad for them and feel like I can’t just be angry with them. It complicates everything,” zoning out for a moment, you revealed, “you know, a lot of bad things have happened to me in my life, a lot of bad people have hurt me, but my first instinct is never to be angry, it takes me years to just be plain mad at them. I have to fight tooth and nail to discard the compassion and simply be angry.”

“Being hyper empathetic is like a superpower. It’s beneficial for others, but usually ends up hurting you yourself instead,” he grabbed a hold of your hand, trying his best to transfer you some of his warmth, “and you just take it because that’s what you’re used to.”

Peeking over at him, you took a deep breath and let his words sink in.

© 2022 thyme-in-a-bubble 

[ayyy-imma-ninja]

I don’t care if it’s fucking called punishment for a reason and moon, I’m starting to hate you a lot for this overreaction and consistent denial of things. Do you wanna know something interesting within certain countries in Europe, it’s illegal to own one of any social creature because without interaction, social creatures will get depressed and will try to fucking kill themselves or will have a much shorter lives

Fairies seem to have a very similar cognitive abilities as humans, and I’m gonna tell you know some humans when forced into isolation. Try to fucking kill them selves, or go further in sane. What you’re not doing as a punishment it is torture. That makes you and every other fairy that’s pro, keeping him locked up forever without any social interaction horrible fairies!

So I don’t know what the fuck you’re going on about, but if you took a second actually listen to us and compare what we are saying to the outcome of what happened to fairies that have gone through and are going through his “punishment” I feel like you’d actually have a bit of empathy which you seem to be lacking right now. Jesus Christ. If you ever find my home, stay out of it because I don’t want you taking away any nightmares, or helping me sleep, I don’t want your brother anywhere near me if he’s just like you were thinking torture is an acceptable “punishment”

It’s not. Torture will never be an acceptable form of punishment, I’m sorry for being hard and very fucking aggressive with this, but it seems being aggressive is the only way that will get through your skull that maybe, isolating someone like this is horrid!

(by the way, humans have isolation cells for criminals that can’t be around other criminals, they still get social interaction though because we understand that without it everything it’s way worse.)

I'm going to break character and address this myself. With how aggressive this ask is, it wouldn't be appropriate for me to answer as one of the boys.

Yes. You are right. What Eclipse is going through is considered the very definition of torture, as punishment for the crime he's been accused of committing. In our world it is seen as cruel and unusual punishment, even inhuman to some. Everyone has different views and morals on that. Some hold to them, and some are willing to change their perspectives.

It's already been established that the laws of the Realm are different to the ones of our world. And in both, there are laws that not everyone likes but have to follow.

Sun has his views, that have yet to be seen. Moon has his views, which you all have seen. They both have these perspectives based off of what they know and have seen. Yet one thing that hasn't been revealed yet is their relationship with their former brother. What had led them to these views in the first place. No one except me and a handful of others know their past. The whole picture has not been revealed yet. There is a reason for that. There is a reason why they feel the way they do regarding this, and that will be explored soon.

You can agree or disagree with these views if you wish, you all have that right. Those are your morals.

But also, I feel the need to remind everyone-

this is a story.

I am glad it's gotten a lot of people invested, but please remember this is just me telling a story with characters I love with an AU I have made. Characters that all have different views about certain things that will likely clash with one another.

And I will clarify: my personal views on this subject are not reflected through the fairies, especially Moon. These differing and even questionable views are purely for intended for storytelling.

[investmentassistant]

How to learn to defend your opinion

Expressing and defending one's opinion is a vital skill in both personal and professional life. Whether you're engaging in a debate, negotiating with colleagues, or simply sharing your perspective in a conversation, the ability to articulate your viewpoint confidently and respectfully can greatly impact your relationships and influence. Here are some key strategies to help you master the art of asserting your opinion effectively:

Know your subject

Before expressing your opinion on any topic, ensure that you have a solid understanding of it. Research and gather relevant information to support your viewpoint. The more knowledgeable you are about the subject, the more credible and persuasive your argument will be.

Clarify your intentions

Be clear about why you're expressing your opinion. Are you seeking to persuade others, engage in a constructive discussion, or simply share your perspective? Understanding your intentions will help you tailor your approach accordingly and communicate more effectively.

Practice active listening

Effective communication is a two-way street. Listen attentively to others' viewpoints without interrupting or dismissing them. Acknowledge their perspectives and demonstrate empathy and understanding, even if you disagree. This not only fosters respectful dialogue but also encourages others to reciprocate the same level of respect.

Use assertive language

Choose your words carefully to convey your opinion assertively yet respectfully. Avoid language that is aggressive, passive, or confrontational. Instead, opt for phrases such as «I believe», «In my opinion», or «From my perspective» which assert your viewpoint without invalidating others'.

Provide evidence and examples

Support your opinion with evidence, facts, and real-life examples whenever possible. This adds credibility to your argument and helps others better understand your perspective. Be prepared to back up your assertions with concrete data or experiences.

Be open to feedback

Be open-minded and willing to consider alternative viewpoints. Constructive feedback can provide valuable insights and opportunities for growth. Even if you ultimately maintain your opinion, engaging with differing perspectives can enrich your understanding of the topic and strengthen your argument.

Stay calm and confident

Maintain composure and confidence when expressing your opinion, especially in challenging or contentious situations. Avoid becoming defensive or hostile, even if faced with opposition. A calm and confident demeanor not only enhances your credibility but also encourages others to engage with you constructively.

Choose the right time and place

Consider the context and environment before asserting your opinion. Choose appropriate moments and settings where your viewpoint is more likely to be heard and respected. Avoid discussing sensitive topics in heated or inappropriate situations where emotions may cloud judgment.

Practice assertiveness

Like any skill, assertiveness improves with practice. Take every opportunity to express your opinion respectfully and confidently, whether in casual conversations, meetings, or debates. The more you practice, the more natural and effortless it will become.

Be respectful

Above all, treat others with respect and dignity, regardless of differences in opinion. Avoid personal attacks or derogatory remarks, and focus on the substance of the discussion. Remember that everyone is entitled to their own opinions, and fostering a culture of mutual respect is essential for productive communication.

In conclusion, learning to assert your opinion effectively is a valuable skill that requires practice, patience, and empathy. By honing your communication abilities, remaining open to diverse perspectives, and advocating for your viewpoint with confidence and respect, you can become a more influential and persuasive communicator in all aspects of your life.

[rickie-the-storyteller]

“Notice Me, Reader!” Tag Game

Thank you very much for the tag, @mysticstarlightduck!

Rules: Share 3 (or more!) small details from your WIP that you feel have gone/will go unnoticed. (You can choose whether or not to share why the detail is significant!)

Here's some for the Steph adventures:

I’ve actually been meaning to write a detailed post about this, but Stephanie and Bret mirror each other in a lot of ways. They’re both pretty traumatised and flawed, they both crave attention and connection to a certain degree, hating the feeling of loneliness, and they both have a capacity for being quite selfish, impulsive and hedonistic (as well as being major fans of instant gratification). This is partially why their affair storyline is so significant and impactful the more you think about it (and to think, it almost wasn’t going to happen…). An example of their connection that often goes unnoticed is that their dialogue has a bit of a parallel… in the beginning of book one, Bret says something along the lines of “Grades don’t actually mean anything in the real world when you think about it.” This was back when he hated school, before his whole self growth arc and wanting to change his life for the better. And towards the end, Stephanie basically says that same exact thing, almost word for word (despite disagreeing with Bret at the start of the story). It was in the context of her and Ben contemplating leaving the country together right before sitting her final exams. There are other small examples of parallels between their two arcs and thought processes in the story, too… many of which actually existed before I even wrote their affair storyline. Perhaps it was always meant to be lol.

I tried to write my characters in a way where you can kind of tell which parent they take after more. This is one of the reasons why I have the parents and family members be such a prominent part of the story - big part of who you are stems from your environment, and this includes the people you are surrounded by. It also adds a bit of mystery to our main protagonist… Stephanie doesn’t know her parents, so we don’t know why she is the way she is (like, we even know why Bret is the way he is, despite the fact that his parents are no longer around. He remembers his parents and we get a strong sense of what they were like, and this is something we don't get with Steph). A big example of this is Elise and Adam. Elise takes after both Maggie and Paul (maybe Paul a little more than Maggie) - she shares her mother’s drive and determination (comes in handy when you’re a lawyer), and her father’s empathy and intuition (comes in handy when you’re a therapist). Adam takes after Maggie, as well as his grandmother to an extent, in terms of his natural creativity (he has a heart of gold, but he is also very stubborn and prefers to do things his way. Whenever he gets pushback, he fights harder in the opposite direction. Very much like his mother… not that Maggie would ever admit that. Good thing both of them grew out of it somewhat after becoming parents! And by that, I mean she was much worse when she was Adam’s age lol). There are other examples of this in the story, but this one’s my favourite.

I got a fair amount of inspiration from the shows I mentioned in my intro post lol (plus Gossip Girl, which wasn’t included in the post. That's where I got the secret blogger idea from. Speaking of... I was meant to reveal that to you guys ages ago. Sorry about the delay lol. Saving that for a proper future post alongside the Bretanie analysis). Especially Bojack Horseman. I don’t know if I want to elaborate on this point… I think it’s more effective if you check out the shows for yourself, and see what I mean that way. But to give a vague little example of what I mean… Stephanie is sort of in and out of the crew’s lives, and whenever she’s not around, the others tend to thrive and live relatively peaceful, normal lives. In many ways, she’s the root of a lot of their drama. She does a lot of crazy things that cause damage to a lot of people, and she wrecks a lot of her relationships beyond repair. And throughout the course of the trilogy, the main crew members often find themselves wondering whether they should stay loyal to their friend, set some boundaries with her, or cut ties and separate themselves from her completely. Kind of like in a certain show (Bojack). They all take different approaches to this, each saying a lot about them as characters (Elise, for example, decides to cut Stephanie off. May seem out of character at first, but then you remember that this is after ages and ages of being patient and understanding with Steph… as well as everyone else who has hurt her immensely in her life. That makes her choice to end her friendship with Stephanie a little more understandable… she reached her last straw in book two), but they’re all better off once they reevaluate their relationships with one another.

I didn't mean to write so much... but what can you do.

Hopefully this was interesting! This tag game is such a good idea. Inspires you to look deeper into the stories and pay attention to small but significant details.

Tagging these folks next: @gummybugg, @winterandwords, @jessicagailwrites, @dyrewrites, @harleyacoincidence, @exquisitecrow, @leisoree, @wmlittlemore-is-writing, @mjparkerwriting and @janec23.

[dojae-huh]

How can I start to explain my thoughts on Youth? First, Beginning was a perfect start and Dallas Love Filled was the best choice to close the album. The way the songs are placed is exceptional. I agree with the other anon, although Time Machine is a good song, I expect the two of them to have a more “explosive” duet in terms of singing, but sometimes less is more and having Mark in it could have been a decisive factor. For the ballads, Rewind takes the crowd in my opinion, Warmth is probably the least memorable song in the album but still it blends with the other songs and permits DY shine with his technique. The last three songs are so good individually but together, one after another in order works the best. From Little Wave is the best song in the album and knowing the context of its creation makes it ten times better.

All the songs are so Doyoung that you can feel how much he was involved in the process. (As expected for our management Kim). To help with that idea, he gave us the documentary which I really appreciate. Almost all the content he gave us was just him singing and being happy because of it.

I said it in the past that I believe that NCT songs sometimes vocally limit DY and not because of their structure, it’s more about how the producers prefer his tone and that leads DY to believe that singing in a soft or really high tone suits him more which it’s not the case at all. With this album it’s obvious how more comfortable DY is in his range and the progression and effort he puts in his voice. I always listen the album from the first song to the last one and years had passed without me being able to do that.

With Jaehyun it’s really different. As someone who loves R&B and listens to lots of artists in the genre, I was sure it will be my favorite but to my surprise it wasn’t. I should’ve known what kind of route he would take considering the type of artist he recommends/collabs. So that was my mistake. My problem with the album is that it has really good songs like Roses (the most interesting in my opinion and the best) and Can’t get you, but there are songs like Smoke or Easy which doesn’t work for me really well. I can find myself humming to Easy or Completely but I never really played them beside the first day. With Smoke and Flaming Hot Lemon it’s complicated, I hate smoke chorus but it’s catchy. Flaming hot lemon and Roses are totally North America R&B songs but Roses have some interesting vocal parts and Flaming Hot Lemon it’s just plain (it doesn’t take away the fact I listened to it more often that Can’t get you). I can’t say it better than you, it’s a mixtape not an album, it doesn’t feel cohesive. I would’ve preferred to heard more complexity in Jaehyun’s voice but the selection of songs doesn’t have the room to it.

I’ve been feeling for a long time that Jaehyun is stuck and comfortable (in a bad way) in the place he is now with his voice, and again I don’t think it’s just his fault. Maybe I need to make peace with the reality that he really doesn’t want to expand his vocal abilities.

In terms of the promotion I can’t say too much because I didn’t see almost any of the content beside the ones where he was singing.

Doyoung chose songs that were related to the season and the topic, perhaps a vocally stronger duet with Taeyeon didn't fit. It's a popular song with kfans though.

I think even the way Do sings on his solo album is still affected by the constraints of being an idol. He asked his manager and A&R staff whether they preferred a lower or higher key for a song. And all told him that higher sounds better (he disagreed). And he still applied a stylistic colour to his voice, I think?

I see many Jae's fans liking FHL, perhaps the reason lays in the way it is primitive (unassuming, undemanding of real empathy/attention) with stupid but easy to remember lyrics (and understandable for beginner level English speakers as well). I really wonder how much the overstimulation with information online tires the mind and makes people avoid complexity. Take ILLIT's debut song "Magnetic". It's basically a jingle for a game machine. And yet, it really became a hit. Payola or not. (407k streams on Spotify alone)

Sadly, few care about an album being a cohesive entity. Everyone just releases a bunch of songs, believing people will just buy or listen to selected songs separately.

I often hear fans discussing the notion that Jaehyun is comfortable with his range and isn't interested in developing. However, music producers praised him for his knowledge of musical terms and techniques during recordings. Maybe he does take vocal lessons but polishes what he has now withouth extending his range? For sure Jae became much more confident in singing the past few years. And he sings live better than before as well.

[wejustvibing]

The anti-Nico anons on have me on tears 😭 Not to extend this conversation but I have to disagree on one part, yes while Nico benefitted from white privilege, as every white driver does against Lewis, I don't really remember he or his older fans being so aggressively and overtly racist towards Lewis. Lewis has always dealt with racial microaggressions but I think most of his older fans will agree that things have escalated in the last couple of years on account of the growing incel fanbase and larry shipper-esque white women. Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to defend Nico by any means but his new era hybrid fans (as one anon aptly puts it) who join the sport obsessed with MV and find their way to Nico/Brocedes are definitely the worse than his older fans. They rewrite the history between them, rewrite Lewis' personality to subject Lewis to constant racial harrassment and now a big Brocedes blog invents outrageous lies to fuel the agenda against Lewis. The only thing I have never begrudged Nico for was that he didn't take direct advantage of the antiblack sentiment against Lewis unlike Alonso, MV etc (the bar is in hell I know) but his newer fans are making sure that even that tiny amount of goodwill towards him evaporates. The way they despise Lewis to such a scary extent while obsessing over Brocedes is such strange behaviour. Lewis is only palatable to them as an extension of some mid white man, they hate him otherwise. We don't talk enough about white/nonblack women and their power in fuelling antiblack agenda in every fandom. Lewis' whole personality is reinvented by them so they can sell a delusional shipping agenda or prop their white racist fav.

let me preface this by saying i have a really limited fandom/standom experience. i've protected my peace like no other ever since i became a fan and would have continued to do the same had AD21 not happened. anyway, the point is, most of my opinions on fans/stans are based on recent observations and discourses i've seen. so, i'm not sure how much weight these older fans you're talking about hold to what anons have been discussing. if they agree with what you're saying then good for them i guess but i don't think i've seen them talking about it which could be a me problem.

but. nico. he has definitely perpetuated ugly narratives against lewis during and after his tenure, leading to microaggressions and overt racism. the covert racism has been apparent too and i don't know if it can be ignored given how to this day his word (based on his speculations especially after his retirement since he's not been in lewis' vicinity in literally years?) is held higher than those who have worked closely with lewis AFTER him. just because what? he's won a title as opposed to lewis' 2? i fail to recount this goodwill that you talk about here. maybe he didn't take direct advantage but he perpetuated that shit and benefited all the same.

and oh boy you're bang on about the fans' need to associate every little thing lewis says or does with a white man to make him palatable and tbh it needs to be studied and called out every single day. hybrid fans are the worst but yeah, this is not just a brocedes issue. just because we don't make a big deal out of it doesn't mean we don't seen it.

because how are they spending all their time excessively fetishislzing and hyper-sexualizing him but the moment they need to use their brain (because they're clearly incapable of treating him as just another human), he's on the highest of pedestals, proscribed of making even the smallest of "wrong" move white men get an easy pass for. he needs to be punished and has karma coming for him god forbid he displays a single emotion his white counterparts are forgiven & even lauded for.

he's their "favorite" till it's time to show him the same empathy these mid white men get for worse things. they love him as long as they get to "consume" and do not have to "accept". the fetishization of his struggles, adversities and grace in the garb of solidarity and brownie points (i guess?) is so dehumanizing.

"i love it when his back is against the wall" ummm no? "look he's still pining for xyz because he has repressed feelings" ummm how about fuck no?

but i digress.

[lovingoverwatchguys]

@wildissylupus

Was stalking your blog a little, and thought I’d go off about some speculation. A lot of this is just ‘what if’ stuff, but it’s still fun, and I thought it’d catch your interest.

After that article implied that Cassidy knows who Soldier 76 is, I've been thinking a lot about Cassidy and Jack's future relationship. We don't have much on their past dynamic, but that's not the part I'm invested in. I know some people seem to think Jack doesn't like Cassidy now, but I actually strongly disagree. That's partially because I mostly ignore the elimination lines, because I think those are meant to be the character at their meanest (for example, Tracer saying “was beauty killed the beast” after killing Winston). But if you look at other voicelines, Jack is willing to show empathy about Cassidy's Blackwatch guilt (in his own dumb way), and I always thought the "I thought I was...until I met you" line from OW1 was a joke. Meaning he actually JOKED with the guy. One thing I do agree with people on is that I think Cassidy is mad at Jack for his whole 'didn't tell us he's alive' thing. My ideal point for them to reach can be summed up as Cassidy thinking: "Well, he can be a dick sometimes, but that's just how he is, and it's not worth harboring grudges forever, especially since I’ve known him for so long". Not exactly full forgiveness, but acceptance. Because based on his own past, I think he'd be able to tell that Jack IS genuinely trying to help people, even if it's in a weird and self-destructive way. Unlike another Commander he had, lol.

He also might be able to understand the feeling of hating yourself so much that you don't think anyone really cared if you died or not. Because I think he felt that way at one point, too. But I think the most important part is that Cassidy might be the first one who can get to Jack about Reyes. I get the feeling that Jack thinks other people don't care about Reyes anymore, and that's part of why he feels so responsible to be on this crusade at all. I think he has the self-centered assumption that he's the only one that really "understands" Gabriel, probably because Gabriel was one of the only two people who understood Jack. And with the way the world seemed to focus so much attention on Jack’s death as a “hero” rather than Gabriel dying, I can understand why he’d be inclined to think no one else wants to remember Gabriel. If Jack does realize that he's not the only one who's feeling this intense grief over what Gabriel has become, maybe he and Cassidy can bond in a 'shared trauma' way, and Jack can realize that he isn't the only one that still cares. Cassidy seems to remember The Old Reyes at least somewhat fondly, and maybe he and Jack can bond over that, and how they both think Gabriel was better than this at one point.

I don’t know, maybe I just want Jack to have more positive bonds with people. Still, I think it’d be a really good growth moment for both of them: give Cassidy some closure about Overwatch’s past and not have to completely lose both Commanders, and help Jack be a little less self-centered and more trusting of some people’s intentions. And I think if anyone other than Ana could understand Jack’s point of view, it would be Cassidy. 

This ended up way longer than I expected it to be, lol. Still, I’d like to hear your thoughts. 

[pixelpoppers]

Convenience Features and Lazy Asceticism

It's common for people to complain about a game getting convenience/difficulty/accessibility/approachability features they personally won't use and which thus won't directly affect their own experience. My mental model has been that this happens for several reasons. In no particular order:

Status quo bias. If you already like something, change is scary.

Status signaling. If more people can do something, that thing is less impressive.

Gatekeeping. The more people enter a given fandom/community, the more the community changes to be like the mainstream, and the more the property will change to target mainstream tastes. (I haven't written about this subject directly yet, though I've brushed up against it. My feelings are complicated and mixed: it frustrates me when something niche that I like reinvents itself to chase mass appeal, but there are also properties that I only fell in love with after they did that. Something to dig into another time.)

Opportunity costs. If a developer spends time on these features, that will consume resources that could have gone elsewhere.

The "intended experience". I disagree with this one pretty strongly, but my attempt to frame it generously would be something like: Giving the player more ways to tweak the experience makes it more likely they will change it to a version significantly worse than what they could have had. (Sometimes this comes with half-hearted concessions for accessibility.)

For the first four of these, I can at least understand where people are coming from. I generally think they are not sufficient reasons to keep these kinds of features out of games (at least games that aren't super-small and super-niche) but I can at least see the possible outcomes these people say they want to prevent. There's something real going on there.

But for that last one, "intended experience," I've always been a bit confused. I've usually chalked it up to a lack of empathy, with people not realizing these features are for someone else and just because you wouldn't use or benefit from them doesn't mean nobody would. Lately, though, I've been thinking - what if the problem is actually that people don't want these features because they would use them?

Take this write-up about Steam's then-upcoming (now released) note-taking feature:

[T]here's one thing I'm quite upset about, and that's the new Notes app. I love a good notebook game, you know? Fiddling out puzzles in Tunic, remembering patterns in The Witness... Notebook games are great. But I fear this new Notes app will kill that kind of note-taking dead. And that makes me sad. . . .

[A]s much as I like physical notebook games, I know full well that I'll opt for the easy, in-game version as soon as it's available. Because ultimately, I'm a lazy creature at heart, and balancing a notebook on my knee while playing games on Steam Deck isn't nearly as easy as having one open on my desk.

I assume there's some exaggeration for comedic (and engagement-seeking) effect here, but I feel like I've seen this sort of sentiment expressed far too many times for it to not be at least somewhat a Real Thing. I've discussed something similar with what I called "checklist features" - things like quest logs and map icons that are very helpful for some players but ruin the feeling of exploration and freedom for others even if they are optional. But this takes things further. It's less about breaking an illusion and more about people sabotaging their own experiences.

For convenience, and based on the above write-up justifying this view by identifying as "lazy," I'm going to call this position "lazy asceticism" and the people who hold it "lazy ascetics." Lazy ascetics seem to honestly claim that they prefer a specific kind of higher-friction experience (taking physical notes, playing on a brutally-hard difficulty, etc.) but also that if a lower-friction experience (taking digital notes, playing on an easier difficulty, etc.) is a feasible option, they will choose that experience instead, even though they know they will enjoy it less.

This... blows my mind a bit? I mean, I understand things like akrasia and procrastination and so on, where (to oversimplify) you do something you'll enjoy more now even though you know you'll regret it later. But this doesn't seem to be like that? This is someone engaged in a recreational activity, the purpose of which is enjoyment, choosing to do something they'll enjoy less even in the moment because it is, in some sense, easier.

Like, imagine that a game patches in a literal "win button". Pressing this button unlocks the "beat the game" achievement and rolls credits before depositing you back on the main menu. To me, it's patently obvious that (novelty value aside) this wouldn't be any fun. I'd play the game without using it and wouldn't be haunted by a nagging feeling that I could simply stop and hit the button at any time. I'm here to experience the game in a particular way; why would I be tempted by a way that isn't appealing?

I suspect that even lazy ascetics would handle this absurdly-exaggerated-extreme the same way. But to me, it sure seems like optional convenience features and easy modes are essentially just more-targeted friction-removers that tap into the same thing. If I know I'd enjoy a game less with all the Assist Mode features turned on, I'm not tempted to use them. I don't see why lazy ascetics are.

I assume this is another one of those cases where the same stimuli are experienced differently by different people based on subtle and illegible differences in our brains, because this view seems to be pretty common and it makes zero sense to me. And because I don't understand these people's internal experiences and am speculating based on plausible-sounding but unflattering possible explanations, all my ideas come out pretty self-serving.

Like, maybe lazy ascetics don't actually want those higher-friction experiences on their own merits. Maybe they just want to be able to think of and describe themselves as the sort of person who does because they think it's cool to be someone who writes in physical notebooks or beats games on Extreme difficulty, and they're lying to themselves. People like me who play on Easy when we want to and Hard when we want to are just more capable of being honest with ourselves about what we actually want, and lazy ascetics will have a better time if they just admit who they really are and do what they truly enjoy.

Or maybe lazy ascetics are just incredibly suggestible to the point where they are incapable of choosing their own experiences based on their own preferences. Maybe they're the sort of person who needs to uninstall every social media app or they'll spend all day endlessly scrolling even though they don't want to just because the option is there. People like me who can be aware of convenience features without using them have better self-determination and are more resistant to manipulation, and lazy ascetics would be well-served by training up their willpower a bit. (I've seen people tout the value of playing games on high difficulty to train perseverance and other important skills, and occasionally even done that myself. Maybe lazy ascetics should toughen up by playing games with those features and not using them to train the skill of choosing their own experiences rather than taking whatever path has been greased-up for them, so they can do what they enjoy and what's good for them and not just what some corporation has made easy because it's profitable.)

I'm immediately suspicious of these theories, of course. I don't want to fall into the same trap I did when I first wrote about punishment in games. But I'm still left feeling that I don't understand what's actually happening here and would love to hear an explanation from a lazy ascetic (maybe they can give me a better name for them, too).

[keyboardsmashdmhtmdcmdcdm]

Rant about Morgana

This is not hate on Morgana or Katie just to be clear. Great character and actress. Rant incoming, Everywhere I look I see posts saying Morgana was right and should have killed Arthur, Merlin, Gwen and everyone else however she seemed to stop fighting for magic once she knew she had it. In the early days Morgana is seen as the only sane one when it comes to magic in a way. That's why nobody believes that she could knowingly abuse magic/innocent people/the cultural groups that accept magic. Morgana in the beginning says things like "Maybe you don't choose magic maybe it chooses you." and "The more brutal you are the more enemies you create." Lastly "I don't feel so alone here." However these line as great as they are aren't proof that she was innocent and only wanted peace throughout the show. Morgana is a person in this story in the sense that she has hope, ambition, fears and emotions and though there is definitely some misogyny in the writing I don't think blaming Merlin for her actions fixes that. Morgana is an adult who knew what she was doing when she commit murder and tortured people including Gwen though I am sure if she got the chance she may blame Merlin because she knew it would hurt him and he would not forget it. Merlin did try to help her when he sent her to the druids however people seem to forget that he was asked to kill her or to not let her know about her magic as well as that helping her was extremely dangerous. She was very close with Uther more than once having lunch or dinner with him as well as him asking after her health and worrying about her safety (though he was still a horrible father) there was no way for Merlin to safely teach her anything about magic while he was alive. Though I disagree with what Gaius did I can see why he choose not to take the risk when he was the person who snuck Morgouse out if I remember correctly, he was a known sorcerer before the purge and her physician if she seemed to be learning magic in the walls of Camelot he would be one of the first suspects unless Morgana betrayed Merlin or Morgouse. Morgana also proves later in the show that she is very willing to betray people that she feels deserve it even for petty reasons like with Gwen so this is a possibility. Characters like Gaius and Gwen may have already seen her do this to someone who got more a punishment than they deserve as well because she is shown to be very quick to assume the worst and call for action even in season one. Now to mention the poisoning. Just to clarify I do believe this was horrible and that Morgana should not forgive Merlin, however this was not as peaceful of a takeover as people try to justify it as. NO ONE could defend themselves from the army. I cannot understand how people don't see how horrifying the situation is for everyone from the knights to the farmers. There is an entire invading army of people who support magic inflating a land that hate magic while everyone is incapable of defending themselves. How many people would wake up to crops burned that they could not protect people that still got killed because this is a invasion among all the other horrors they could wake up to. Morganas second invasion makes this fact more horrifying when she does not kill the knight and replace them with her own and tries to fore there loyalty by killing innocent civilians and burning there crop in her orders knowing children will starve. Morgana was Uther's daughter through and through she saw magic as only a weapon or tool she used magic to give herself power over people without it and her status as a high priestess over people with it. She was a smart person early on and was capable of empathy so when she defended magic users there must have been something genuine there even if you don't like her but she most likely still saw magic as weapon that Uther was incapable of using therefor taking some power away from him and when she had it that is what it became a weapon she could use better than anybody else possibly even in her eyes a weapon.

[cowboyera]

12/9/2024

Another journal post... so buckle in for a long read if you would like to or you can just ignore this.

most of the time when I make these posts, I am at a significant point of indecision or confusion. this is when other modes of self expression or reflection don't really work. Right now, I think it is because I don't know what I want to want, romanticaly or sexually.

if you follow me or just scroll back down my blog a bit, you'll see some posts about messy lesbianism. I have had a wide variety of romantic and sexual experiences in the past year. My recent hookup was so profoundly mediochre and uninspiring that it left me wondering what is the point of all of this? If I get what I want from dating and what I want ends up not being that great... what is the point?

I reflected on this a lot already and spoke to friends about it in the more immediate aftermath. I settled on this; if I don't date anyone in 2025, ill be ok with that. genuinely. I have so many other more fulfilling things happening in my life right now, so many hobbies and friends and goals and a fun new job! all of these things have been much more fulfilling to me than dating recently.

I have taken periods of deliberate abstinence from dating more than once in the past, sometimes for very long times. These were usually motivated by myself not feeling ready or in a good place to date at the time. For example, I didn't date at one point while I was living at home with my parents. More recently, it was because I felt I had left many of my hobbies to the side and wanted to pick them up again and get in a good rhythm with good habits before entering a relationship with others. While these were not externally imposed, they have always felt somewhat like a punishment. I want to date, I yearn for intimacy, romance connection, but I will not allow myself to until I can solve this problem.

this most recent feeling differs from the previous. Rather than self-imposing a restriction on myself against my lustful desires, I simply don't really have those desires. I still have dating apps on my phone, but I don't open them very often, I don't think about it.

I was driving home with a friend recently. She is deliberately single and has been for a long time and apparently has no interest in changing that. After she expressed this, I wasn't sure how to respond when she said, "sometimes I do think it would be nice not to be single though." For whatever reason, I just had zero empathy for this statement. in hindsight, I think I even felt a kind of disgust for it, for whatever reason, I really can't place it. I let the statement sit for a minute before declaring that I absolutely did not feel the same way and thought being single was the funniest thing in the world. We turned to the girl in the back seat in a 4 month committed relationship and she seemed to disagree.

I was not lying about how I felt in the car with my friend. When I am with my friends I am rock solid and genuinely immune from any kind of loneliness.

still, after brazenly declaring to them the whole evening how I was going "girl-sober," deciding that romantic and sexual pursuits were not worth my time, I ended up making out with a girl that same night. I was drunk, but not so drunk that I can avoid admitting I made the conscious decision to dance with her, grind with her, and make out with her. I probably would not have swiped right if I had seen her on a dating app, but in the moment the vibes were right and the way she touched my body felt good. When they turned on the lights and people began to filter out, I said thank you and gave her a goodbye kiss and went to look for my friends. I don't feel any kind of attachment to her, I didn't get her name and I don't entirely remember what she looked like, but part of me wonders if I should still feel guilty for splitting off from my friends to make out with a girl after making a big deal of saying how i didn't have any desire to do that anymore. For whatever reason, I don't feel guilty either way.

hen I am with my friends I am rock solid and genuinely immune from any kind of loneliness. I love my friends so much.

But when I'm alone at night...

sometimes I randomly get a pang of distantly remembered feeling about my on-and-off-again situationship from 2 years ago. Even when I try very hard, I can't really still remember how she made me feel. I didn't really write about it because of how embarrassed I was the whole time. perhaps unsurprisingly, we also didn't take any photos or videos or anything together, so every day I remember what she looked and sounded like a little less. Despite all of this, there is a certain twang, undercurrent, throb, etc, that I feel sometimes at random, often unexpectedly, or other times if I am reminded of her. It's crazy to think that the only woman I've ever really loved is one of the only women I don't have a picture of.

And I get other twangs, undercurrents, and throbs. For all my big talk, I can still feel a bit lonely. I wonder if it will get worse when I haven't made out with a girl in the last 14 days. There are still probably some external factors limiting me... for one, if I have some desire, it is still quite a small amount. I can't clearly picture what I want in order to want it deeply. Just a vague desire for a hand on my shoulder or another warm body in the bed, and for it to be a familiar body instead of a strange one. Perhaps more external, I am moving in about a month probably (hopefully) to a new city and my life will be in transition mode for probably the next two months. Plus, it's always awkward to date around the holidays. all of it might be easier if my desire from romance was truly truly a 0% instead of a nagging... 2% maybe.

[workscounselingcenter]

Are You Truly Listening?

Today’s blog was inspired by my fearless clients, ages 7 to 17, who have shared their personal experiences of how it feels not to be heard, specifically by their parents. I want to encourage parents to continue developing listening skills when their children advocate for themselves.

It is easy to forget that your child has a voice when your primary role since birth has been to speak for them when they couldn’t. Self-advocacy is an essential life skill that empowers children to express their needs, desires, and boundaries. By becoming better listeners, you support their growth and strengthen your bond with them. I want to share some tips that I received directly from my clients to help parents support their children as they navigate through their self-advocacy journey.

Create a Safe Space for Open Dialogue

Set Aside Dedicated Time: Ensure there are moments in your day when your child knows they have your full attention, such as dinner, before bedtime, or on a weekend walk.

Remove Distractions: Put away phones, turn off the TV, and focus solely on your child. This physical act of removing distractions signals that their voice is your priority.

Encourage Open Communication: Let your child know they can come to you with any concerns or thoughts without fear of judgment or immediate reaction.

Practice Active Listening

Make Eye Contact: This simple act shows that you are engaged and interested in what your child is saying.

Use Reflective Responses: Repeat what your child said to show you understand. For example, “So, you’re saying you feel overwhelmed with your homework?”

Avoid Interrupting: Let your child finish their thoughts before you respond. Interruptions can discourage them from expressing themselves fully.

Validate Their Feelings

Acknowledge Their Emotions: Whether or not you agree with what your child is saying, it’s important to validate their feelings. For example, “I can see that this is important to you” or “It sounds like you’re feeling frustrated.”

Avoid Dismissing Their Concerns: Phrases like “You’ll get over it” or “It’s not a big deal” can make your child feel unheard. Instead, show empathy by saying, “I understand this is tough for you.”

Encourage Problem-Solving

Ask Open-Ended Questions: Guide your child to think critically about their situation by asking questions like, “What do you think would help?” or “How would you like to handle this?”

Support Their Decisions: Even if you would handle things differently, supporting your child’s decisions is as important as letting them take the lead. This empowers them to trust their judgment.

Be a Resource, Not a Director: Offer advice or suggestions only when asked, and try to frame your input as additional options rather than directives.

Model Good Listening Habits

Demonstrate Active Listening in Your Interactions: Show your child how to listen by being a good listener in everyday interactions, not just with them but with others.

Admit When You’re Wrong: If you do not listen or respond poorly, apologize and correct it. This shows your child that everyone, including parents, can improve their listening skills.

Show Respect for Their Opinions: Even if you disagree, respect their right to have and express their opinion. This teaches them that their voice matters.

Reflect and Adjust

Seek Feedback: Ask your child about your listening skills. Are there times when they feel unheard? What can you do better?

Adapt Your Approach: Children’s needs evolve as they grow. Be willing to adjust your listening strategies as they develop new ways of expressing themselves.

Incorporating these tips will foster independence, confidence, and mutual respect. By practicing active listening, validating their feelings, and encouraging problem-solving, you help your child develop the tools to navigate the world with self-assurance. Remember, the goal isn’t to solve all their problems but to empower them to find their voice and trust in it. Through your support, your child can grow into a strong, self-advocating individual who knows they’re always heard at home.

Please get in touch. We will be happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

[nknovakwrites]

My favorite Tav: Hope Hyden

Hope Hyden is an Asmodeus Tiefling and College of Lore Bard.

Hope is not a native of Baldur's Gate, she was just in the wrong place at the wrong time (or the right place at the right time depending on how you look at it.)

Hope came from a city far, far from Baldur's Gate. A city she had been running from for a little over a decade and a half at this point.

Hope came from a family of high status. Her dad was a commoner but her mom was a noble with power, money, and influence.

She was close to both her parents but spent most of her time with her mom. Her mom, Azaria Hyden, had a lot of love, compassion, and empathy for the people of her city, especially those who were less fortunate than her, and used everything she had to try and help people. Azaria taught Hope that she didn't need money and power to change the city or the lives of the people who lived there. She would tell her daughter things like, “be the good that finds people, smile and shine and spread happiness, the good will follow."

Hope was 14 when her mom died.

When Azaria died, the whole city felt it, but no one felt it as hard as Hope. It wasn’t quick. Azaria fell ill and it continually got worse. Azaria could see her daughter wasn’t doing okay and she knew once she was gone Hope was going to be so much worse. One of the last things she said to Hope was, “don't let this change you. Feel the pain but do not let it make you hate. Have hope that, even though others may disagree, you still believe the world can be a beautiful place.”

Hope's dad was of course saddened and mourned the loss of his wife but his mind was also preoccupied with another fear. He was worried that the loss of his wife would mean the loss of his high status in the city and all the perks that came with it. He decided the best way to keep his place in society was to marry Hope off to someone of high status. For example, a noble's son. Hope, however, didn't want to get married, she wanted to be a poet and a bard (something her mom had always encouraged as she was growing up.) Still, just to please her father, she decided to meet the noble's son and spend some time with him. He was insufferable. He had his own ideas for Hope's life, should she become his wife, and didn't care how Hope felt about it. That was that. Hope made it clear she did not want to marry him. Despite this, he proposed when she turned 17 (with plans to get married a year later.) Hope turned down the proposal, only to find out her father accepted it on her behalf later that day.

Hope ran away on the day of her wedding, her 18th birthday, with someone who she was in love with at the time (it didn't last.) Hope spent the next decade and a half traveling from place to place, jumping from toxic relationship to toxic relationship. Until she arrived at Baldur's Gate.

Going back a bit to the early days of her solo traveling, Hope had become this mean and bitter and hateful person. She was so saddened by her mom's death and her dad caring more about his status than his daughter (so much so she had to abandon her home) that she let it change her for the worse, despite her mom's wishes. After the person she had left home with left her, she was alone with nothing but her violin and journal. She realized that this angry kid was not who she wanted to be anymore. She started to write everything she could remember that her mom used to tell her alongside the songs she wrote. She wrote them and lives by them to this day. If someone needs help, she assists those who ask and does random acts of kindness some are gratefully accepted and some are met with suspicion, either way, she’s not doing it to be thanked but to make someone’s day a little brighter. 

"I know this world is good, Hope, because you are in this world and you are good."