#like yes okay the show was birthed on the fact that it is about Sam+Dean vs the universe and I will die on that hill

[phail]

original screenshot of post below so you can see the tags clearly

🖕

[curioussubjects]

I feel bad discussing spn now that’s over but I’ve been wondering. Do you think dean actually meant it when he said “why does that something always seem to be you” (15.03)? Usually people blurt out what’s on their mind all of a sudden even if they didn’t mean to say it out loud. But it comes out because the person either thinks about it or actually believes it. Do you think at one point Dean truly blamed Cas for Mary? I mean, putting 15.09 aside of course.

Why do you feel bad discussing SPN now the show’s over, anon?? Don’t feel bad!

The short answer to your question, in my view, is that Dean was lashing out because of how his unaddressed trauma over Cas dying (cf. 7x01, purgatory, 12x23) gets entangled with him processing his grief over Mary and Jack. Everything is further exacerbated by Chuck’s villain reveal, and the events that lead to Rowena’s “death.”  The longer answer to this question starts with acknowledging that feelings and trauma are complicated things that aren't always rational. And that's the crux of the matter for Dean in that moment he lashes out at Cas: he's not behaving rationally. We know Dean is angry, and historically doesn't handle anger well at all, but we also know, even without 15x09, that what Dean is really feeling is fear. In that moment, Dean is angry, and he's scared. If you watch the scene closely, too, you'll notice that Dean is still present enough to regret saying "why does that something always seem to be you" to Cas. He tenses up, he looks down and only looks up again in stubbornness defiance when Cas says he can't even look at him. Then Cas leaves, which has always been an issue for Dean. However warranted Cas's decision to leave was, it still hits Dean as rejection, too. All this is to say that the break up scene is extremely fraught, and Dean is the type of person who needs time to process events and emotions, and time to process is something he hasn't had since Mary disappeared.

So you ask: ok, cool, but what does all of that have to do with Cas dying, Liv? And here's where I say they have everything to do with Cas dying. I've talked about this before in tags and in other posts that I can't think of right now, but there are common occurrences in the events that have led to the more traumatic Cas deaths. If we think of Cas dying in 07x01, the context for that is as follows: Cas needs to solve a problem, he wants to ask Dean for help, but the desire to not burden him with it is greater, so Cas ends up handling the problem solo, which leads to disaster and also him dying. Or, well, apparently dying. But as far as Dean was concerned, Cas was dead, and he did struggle with it a lot during season 7. Now, fast-forward to s12 and the context of how Cas ends up dead then: Cas needs to solve a problem, part of him does want to cooperate with Sam and Dean to solve it, but he ultimately decides his desire to bring Dean a win, and to shield him and Sam from actions they'd suffer from are greater. Predictably, Cas ends up handling the problem solo, which leads to complications, and him being killed by Lucifer. Cas's death in 12x23 is significantly more traumatic to Dean than the one in 07x01 as season 13 starts with a grief arc that is devoted to Dean's suffering over Cas -- to the point that suffering overshadows even his grief over Mary. Granted, these are somewhat reductive summaries of the events of seasons 7 and 12, but the fact remains that those two deaths were remarkably similar as well as traumatic. 

If you look at trauma theory in regards to literary analysis, you'll notice that a key element is repetition. The story of trauma is a story of echoes, which is partly why triggers are what they are for people who have PTSD. In particular, a situation doesn't need to be an exact replica in order to evoke a traumatic memory. A situation need only be similar enough to the traumatic event to cause a trauma response. Therefore, if we keep in mind that the events leading to 15x03 aren’t exact mirrors of 07x01 or 12x23, but too reminiscent for comfort, then Dean’s behavior toward Cas starts making a bit more sense -- not excused, but understandable. A quick summary of these similarities goes as follows: Cas notices there’s is something off with Jack because of his soul; he decides to investigate on his own to avoid worrying the Winchesters and also because of his own fear of losing his family. He only comes forward with what is happening after something potentially disastrous has happened (Mary’s death). Later, Cas deviates from the agreed plan to close the wound leading to hell, which leads to another disastrous consequence (Rowena’s death). What does this look like? Cas makes a decision to act on his own, and doesn’t tell Dean (or Sam) about it, something goes wrong, someone dies. Notably, here, moreover, is that Cas obviously doesn’t die, but he has paralleled Mary before (when he was dead in s13) and there’s an argument to be made that he would eventually parallel Rowena (with heaven), but that’s from a metanarrative perspective rather than Dean’s, and I digress.

Oh, It’s worth noting, too, that the way in which the arc starting with 14x18 and culminating in 15x03 presents a similar, but not quite, chain of events as those of previous seasons signals the intentionality of the trauma narrative. 

But anyway, as we were: the resonance between the traumatic and triggering events, with the latter being traumatic in their own way, make Dean response in a way that is unfair for the situation at hand, but betray a deeper truth about Dean’s state of mind. Backtracking a little from 15x03, the first instance of Dean lashing out at Cas happens in 14x18 with the (heartbreaking) line: “Then you're dead to me.” At face value, those words are a condemnation of Cas and indicate a complete breakdown of the relationship, hinging on Jack having hurt/killed Mary. There is, however, another angle there, pain simmering beneath the surface, which makes more sense in its direction to Cas: the last time Jack, Mary, and Cas were involved in a tableaux like this, Cas died and Mary was gone. In what is an inversion of events, Mary is dead and Cas is...there, but as an echo of Jack’s birth, to say Cas is dead is a statement of fact: he did die, then. And as he was a parallel to Mary in the aftermath of Jack’s birth (and the rehashing of the John, Dean, Sam drama through Dean, Sam, and Jack), so is he a parallel to Mary here, except in circumstance. Both Mary and Cas had been after Jack. Mary happened to find him first, but Cas could’ve easily been the one to find him. Easily been the one who died. See the issue? This is obviously not to say that Dean’s grief and rage weren’t about Mary herself, but that the situations are entangled and murky. 

Further entanglement and murkiness happen when Cas is forced to change the plan to seal the hell wound in 15x03. We all know, including Dean, that there was nothing Cas could’ve done instead of what he did. But besides the change of plans, there’s an undercurrent of anxiety of the wound closing before Cas makes it out. He does, of course, but that’s the what if, always. And to illustrate the possibility, Rowena sacrifices herself to close the wound. It’s not coincidence that the similarities here are tenuous considering the stress burden from everything that has happened since 14x18 has continued to grow with no respite.

The stage is set then for the confrontation that leads to Cas walking out of the bunker. Dean is clearly on edge, and Cas is in a particularly vulnerable and hopeless headspace:

CASTIEL: Sorry about Rowena. DEAN: You're sorry? Why didn't you just stick to the damn plan? CASTIEL: Belphegor was lying. DEAN: Belphegor's a demon. CASTIEL: He was using us. He wanted to eat every last soul to take over Hell, Earth, and every... DEAN: Yeah, and we would've figured it out... after. With Rowena. CASTIEL: The plan changed, Dean. Something went wrong. You know this. Something always goes wrong. DEAN: Yeah, why does that something always seem to be you?

The reason I went of this long journey to come back to this is so as to make clear that what Dean is talking about here isn’t about Rowena at all, and it’s not about Mary either. We know Dean didn’t really blame Cas for Mary, and that he didn’t blame him for Rowena, either. But do those bolded parts sound familiar?

CASTIEL: Listen. Raphael will kill us all. He'll turn the world into a graveyard. I had no choice.

DEAN: No, you had a choice. You just made the wrong one.

CASTIEL: You don't understand. It's complicated.

DEAN: No, actually, it's not, and you know that. Why else would you keep this whole thing a secret, huh, unless you knew that it was wrong? When crap like this comes around, we deal with it... Like we always have. What we don't do is we don't go out and make another deal with the Devil!

CASTIEL: It sounds so simple when you say it like that. Where were you when I needed to hear it?

DEAN: I was there. Where were you?

DEAN: You should've come to us for help, Cas.

How about:

DEAN: Cas, you can't – With everything that's going on, you can't just go dark like that. We didn't know what happened to you. We were worried. That's not okay. CASTIEL: Well, I didn't mean to add to your distress. I – Dean, I just keep failing. Again and again. When you were taken, I searched for months and I couldn't find you. And then Kelly escaped on my watch, and I couldn't find her. And I just wanted I needed to come back here with a win for you. For myself.

[...]

DEAN : We will find a better way. CASTIEL: You mean, we? DEAN : Yes, dumbass. We. You, me, and Sam, we're just better together. So now that you're back, let's go, Team Free Will. Let's get it done. CASTIEL: I'd like that. DEAN: Great.

“Then, you’re dead to me.” “...why does that something always seem to be you”

Because it’s Cas, and Cas being dead and gone. The tragedy of the divorce arc is that Cas ends up gone, too. However, this time, it’s Dean’s fault for not stopping him. Here, Dean’s fear of Cas dying leads to the anger that ultimately pushes him away. So, yeah, Dean meant what he said, but not in the way Cas took it. Not in the way it appeared as. 

The other tragedy of Supernatural ending as it did is that Dean never got to heal from that trauma, he never got to confront Cas for it, either. Make no mistake, the empty deal is another spiral of Dean’s unaddressed trauma over Cas dying. The beats are the same, and the result is Cas, gone, and Dean, shattered. Sadly, we never got our final resolution, the climatic reunion that would mirror Dean’s prayer in purgatory and Cas’s confession in the dungeon. It’s a story left unfinished. 

[mittensmorgul]

it’s a bummer to see you can’t enjoy the ending. I hope someday you can come around it it. It wasn’t perfect but it didn’t nuke its integrity. i think the heart of the show really shines through and it’s a shame that it’s not being appreciated bc there’s so much shipping drama 😣

Hi there!

I... first of, I really need people to understand this... the travesty of the finale for me has almost nothing to do with “shipping drama.”

Yes, I see the wild conspiracy theories flying around, and I’m honestly concerned for some of those folks and hope they can find a way to make peace with this in whatever way they can, because we aren’t likely to ever get a better answer than that this is legitimately the ending that Dabb thought was best, despite years of us seeing the best of his writing choices and guiding Sam, Dean, and Cas to grow past the roles that Chuck would’ve forced them to fulfill, and that at the end it fell flat because he couldn’t actually come up with a better ending than “this was always their destiny, free will is a lie, and these characters had nothing outside of the revenge quest they’d been raised for since birth and manipulated into over and over for the entertainment of a vengeful god.”

I can see how “surface level” viewers would feel that this one basic narrative point was satisfying, that Sam and Dean had grown beyond their own hopeless cycle of self-sacrifice that had driven the narrative for so many years. The fact that they both acknowledged that they should allow their stories to end in that way was satisfying... but only in the shallowest and most detached read of the narrative. Like, is this really the ONLY thing these two characters learned in the last 15 years? If so, that is BEYOND depressing af.

And even THAT message lost all narrative weight when the two of them were once again reunited in death, as if nothing else had ever mattered in their lives. As if neither of them had ever outgrown the codependency that had driven so many of those previous self-sacrifices and refusals to let go of each other even in death.

So yeah, in the absolute most basic sense, I suppose I can see how casual viewers or people who aren’t actually invested in these characters could find that at least narratively coming back to a starting point.

But narratives don’t actually work that way, and that’s not the point of watching fifteen years of story develop in between.

This story wasn’t JUST about Sam and Dean needing to accept that death might be okay actually.

This story was also about free will, fighting for humanity as a whole but also their OWN humanity and self-identities. In Dean’s case, the absolutely transformative growth from feeling like nothing but a hammer, a killer, a tool to be used. And then less than an episode and a half later, after finally accepting that truth into his heart and using it to defeat the original creator and reclaim the story of his own life for himself... he gets pied in the face after flippantly talking about his destiny and having no choice, and then three scenes later he literally dies impaled on a great big nail... like a hammer...

So I would kindly ask folks who feel satisfied by that shallowest possible takeaway of this episode, and maybe invite folks to look just under that surface. Try to understand why loads of us will NEVER feel satisfied with this ending, and why it truly does feel like the most hopeless version of the story. Like even in defeating Chuck, they could never be allowed to own their own stories and what happened to them after that point was just a twisted version of the “destiny” that drove Chuck’s entire plotline for them anyway.

Please understand where we’re seeing this as horrifically painful irony rather than some beautiful circular narrative about letting go.

For a lot of us, the shipping stuff would’ve been the cherry on top of the sundae. We would’ve been happy with a scoop of plain vanilla, though. We would’ve been happy for anything that honored the journey to freedom, and the choice at any sort of a different life of their own making than literally falling back on a nail fighting off one of John’s unresolved hunts and a vampire who had literally never been named in canon before, yet who Dean instantly recognized somehow... 

but sure, for those of us who felt that “the heart of the show” was all the stuff that the finale actually erased-- that “family don’t end in blood,” and that this was actually not a show about just two brothers but the love of their found family and coming to terms with the choices they actually HAD made for themselves versus the narrative that Chuck kept centering them in DESPITE what they would choose for themselves, the finale basically told us no, everything you ever found of value in this story actually meant nothing. It told us that Chuck’s story for them was their only truth in the end, and their only freedom was to be found in death.

Please, I am begging people, stop trying to gaslight us that this was some beautiful ending. Maybe think for a second that “your read” of the narrative that allows you to find peace with the ending is not what we saw and loved about this story for the 326 episodes leading up to this finale.

And please try to understand that we were not wrong to see the entire narrative through this lens. Because we were literally validated IN CANON, and told that we understood the depth of the story and the characters just fine, actually. There’s literally ONE episode of the entire series that burns it all down in a bewildering pile of wtf. And that’s #327. That throws that entire read out the window to well actually us all back into Chuck’s literal ending... This was literally the ending Chuck wanted to force them to enact for him, and it’s what ended up happening even after they defeated him-- the ultimate Big Bad of the entire series should’ve been defeated, but instead he pulled off one final victory over the entire story.

Becky: No. You can't-- Chuck: I did. Becky: Y- This is just an ending. Chuck: Yeah. I don't know how I'm gonna get there, but I know where I'm goin'. Becky: B-But it's so... dark. Chuck: But great, right? I can see it now -- "Supernatural: The End". And the cover is just a gravestone that says "Winchester". The fans are gonna love it. Well? Becky: It's awful! Horrible. It's hopeless. You can't do this to the fans. What you did to Dean? What you did to Sam? Chuck: There, see? It's making you feel something. That's good, right?

and

Dean: Well, what now? You're not gonna dust us. Chuck: Oh, yeah? Why not? Dean: Because you're holding out. For your big finish. Yeah, we know about your galaxy-brained idea, how you think this story is gonna go. Sam got a little look into your draft folder. Chuck: Sam's visions -- they weren't drafts. They were memories. My memories. Other Sams and other Deans in other worlds. But guess what. Just like you, they didn't think they'd do it, either. But they did. And you will, too. Dean: No. Not this Sam. And not this Dean. So you go back to Earth 2 and play with your other toys. Because we will never give you the ending that you want. Chuck: We'll see.

And even in DEFEAT Chuck thought he understood these characters, thought that having rendered him powerless they would finally take their revenge and kill him, but they didn’t, because he never actually understood these characters at all. And the story he tried to force them into from day one was never about THEM, it was about HIM. 

And then Dean gets like two whole days of freedom and choice and is apparently incapable of making any of the choices that don’t throw him immediately back into Chuck’s favorite story. Like none of that resolution in the previous episode meant anything at all. He even SAYS it in the finale:

Dean: Yeah, no. I think about 'em, too. You know what? That pain's not gonna go away. Right? But if we don't keep living, then all that sacrifice is gonna be for nothing.

And then two scenes later the show gives us the Nelson Muntz HA HA and Dean is no longer living, and Sam is left to carry on as a shell of himself and wander off into Blurry Wife Land to devote any even remotely content moment of the rest of his years to raising a  Replacement Dean to fill the void, and is never able to pick up the pen to write anything better of his own life than Chuck would’ve dealt him in the first place.

So I’m glad that top-layer takeaway is sustaining and enough for you. It wasn’t, and will never be enough for the rest of us.

What was actually real in all of this? We were.

Until we weren’t.

And that’s honestly a shit message to be pushing on people in the wake of it all. So please stop.

I should actually thank you for the kind intent with which your message is phrased, but that doesn’t make it feel less hilariously awful. Though I chose this one to reply to as the least insulting of all the messages currently in my inbox on this subject. So thanks for that, at least.

[wormstacheangel]

What are the best episodes with Castiel to watch?

Hello! Sorry, this took me a while to answer but here you go! If I miss some it’s cause I don’t remember anything or I was just Bleh about it.

Castiel Epiosdes

4x01 ICONIC 

4x16 ICONIC

4x20 Jimmy is important to Cas and I love him. 

4x22 ICONIC Greenroom. Cas picks a side aka Dean.

5x03 Cas and Dean being friends! Gay panic is real my friends. 

5x04 THE END. “It's the end, baby. “

5x13 “Sam is my friend.” 

5x14 Cupid (He made a cameo video it was cute) and Cas eating raw meat off the floor.

5x16 “You son of a bitch! I believed in-” OWW

5x17 Drunk Cas.

5x18 At this point he’s just done with everything. So he just carves, YES CARVES, an angel banishing sigil into his own chest. He does not hesitate.

Season 6 is good for Cas because the whole time he’s apart of a civil war and is just a terrible liar.

6x06 I am trying not to make this list about Destiel but the scene where Cas pours Dean’s drink. 

6x10 Pizza Man.

6x19 Baby in a trenchcoat aka leader of the heaven rebellion but sure Dean. He’s just cute. 

6x20 ICONIC 

6x21& 22 Both show that Cas is slowly realizing that he is not in control. 

7x01 The whole episode is wild but Cas just going to heaven and saying I’m Daddy now really takes the cake. (not the actual words he used.)

7x02 Cas’s death #3?

7x17 MISHA -- OH um, I mean CAS to the rescue lol

7x21 His cute little laugh! Honey!Cas has my heart and soul. Bonus Destiel: “ When Castiel first laid a hand on you in Hell, he was lost!” RIP Hester Queen

7x23 “Cursed or not.” Also his little smile when he asks for the plan ahh!

aka all episodes in s7 with Cas in it is worth watching.

Okay, I’ll try to control myself now but watch all of s8 cause its beautiful.

8x02 We see Dean’s POV to the purgatory portal scene. Also, hear Cas’s reason for leaving Dean.

8x07 We see Cas’s POV of the purgatory pov scene. Also, learn how Cas escapes purgatory. 

8x08 “I’m gonna be a hunter.” He’s so CUTE!

8x10 Cas needs a hug. Please.

8x17 ICONIC. “what broke the connection?” AHH

8x21 Badass Castiel

8x22 & 23 Castiel wants to do good. He wants to help but he just puts his trust in the wrong people. It hurts me so much. Look he’s just a small child and he is dealing with a lot right now. 

Season 9 Cas looks good. Like fanservice time father of two!

9x01 First look at human Cas!

9x03 I can’t watch this ending again. It’ll make me spiral. But it’s a good human Cas and destiel episode. Also, fuck April. She gross. 

9x06 ICONIC BLESSED jilted lover. 

9x09 He looks good.

9x10 “I prefer the word trusting. Less dumb. Less ass.” They are both dumbasses.

9x11 Sam & Cas chaotic vibes

9x14 Cas storyline with the angels starts or at least makes it more clear idk

9x18 Gabriel! Also, “Damn it, Dean!” and Cas accepts his role as a leader. The angels are dumb. 

9x22 Sam & Cas dream team lol Also, Cas picks Dean over heaven again.

9x23  “--and for what again? Oh, that's right -- to save Dean Winchester. That was your goal, right? I mean, you draped yourself in the flag of heaven, but ultimately, it was all about saving one human, right? Well, guess what. He's dead, too.”

10x01 Cas draped across the bed like a victorian lady waiting for her husband to come back from the war

10x03 You know that scene where he’s lying on the floor bloody and dying and the Crowley saves him. And then Cas glows and heals with grace and he’s glaring up at Crowley? You know that scene. Yeah. Bonus: I’m gay and bloody Hannah is also hot. Small tip: Ignore the creepy/gross Hannah and Cas set up the writers are trying to do. They are siblings. 

10x09 Claire! That’s his daughter!

10x10 Claire and Cas make me cry.

10x14 Deleted scene of “Maybe he’s your boyfriend.” 

10x17 Sam & Cas! They are best friends, you guys!

10x18 Charlie and Cas meet! AND THEY ARE ALL HAPPY AND I CRY

10x20 Claire! Cas get’s her a birthday present, grumpy cat stuffy, and she keeps it! And I cry. And she saves him. And she cares about him. 

okay 10x21 cause of Charlie and Cas but also fuck this episode. Charlie deserved better. 

10x22 ICONIC gosh damn it. I-

10x23 Just for backstory for Cas in s11. Our poor boy can't catch a break. 

I worked on this for two hours now Nonny and I don’t even care. I miss Cas.

Season 11 hurts my damn soul because of Cas. I won’t include Casifer, though it was A LOT of fun to watch him.

11x01 “Dean, did it work?” I wanna hold this poor sad madly in love man. 

11x02 I can’t handle the torture. He looks so sad.

11x03 Bless you director, Jensen Ross Ackles.

11x04 Okay, not a lot of Cas but I love this episode. 

11x06 They don’t talk about his trauma but they show us a little when he tries to leave the bunker. And I cried. Once again. Let. Me. Hold. Him. 

11x10 Ambriel glad you are dead cause you were SO rude. Also, Amara girly, queen, I love you but apologize. Stop being mean to Castiel.

11x22 Cas get’s to talk and that’s nice

11x23 “I can go with you.” Sir, you just came back from being possessed by THEE satan and now you are ready to die by your future husband's side. You need therapy. 

Okay, I stopped watching live after season 11 because of the way they treated Cas so these next seasons I binged watched ( a couple of times) but wasn’t apart of the fandom so it feels like I didn’t fully grasp them. But here we go!

12x01 Cas meets his mother-in-law. Also the little, “Dean!” when he hugs him. 

12x02 Cas and Mick :)

12x03 Agent Beyonce and Zee lol Cas and Crowley and should have had a sitcom 

12x08 Cas gets a text (angel radio) that he’s gonna be a Dad and it looks like when Alice had a vision of the Volturi in Breaking Dawn Part 2 lol

12x09 Let me hug Cas! He’s sad over his family being gone. Also, Mary, I love you but I don’t forgive anybody for being mean to Cas. All the Winchesters are on thin fucking ice with me. 

12x10 ICONIC destiel. Cas in a female vessel. 

12x12 ICONIC “I love you. I love all of you.” 

12x19 Worried husband Dean. Excited soon-to-be father Cas.

12x23 Cas dies (again) from child birth.

Watch the first few episodes of season 13 for the famous widower arc cause wtf they gave us THAT. Also, I don’t care for the other world storyline so I pushed that out of my head. 

13x04 Cas annoying a cosmic entity. Fun fact! I dislike the trenchcoat cause it looked so stiff and the color was off idk didn’t look great but Cas looked beautiful when he looks up at the sun! Ah!

13x05 IT’S NOT TOO LATE TO START ALL OVER AGAIN

13x06 ICONIC BROKEBACKNATURAL Also, Jack and Cas meet and I cried damn it. “I missed you.” That’s his son!

13x07 Cas doesn’t put anybody or anything above his baby boy

13x12 Cas has the dumbest husband but at least Cas stabs lucifer. Bet Misha felt good

13x14 Badass Cas. He’s a top. lol 

13x16 ICONIC Cas looks...great. Like, watch it. I would do anything for cartoon!cas

13x19Just cause Cas faced someone who tortured him and it’s made to seem like he should get over it and it pisses me off. But Naomi is so cool so idk I like her but would fight her

13x22 Otherworld Cas is there and Cas just kills himself. He needs therapy. 

13x23 Cas’s face when Dean says yes. Also, family hunting trip yay

14x01 Dadstiel! Also, Cas looks good. 

14x03 Dadstiel.

14x07 Dadstiel. “Losing a son feels different.” And I cry. 

14x08 “because I love you Jack. And Sam and Dean--they love you.” THEY DO LOVE HIM AHHHH! Also, Empty deal is made as an excuse for the writers to do something with Cas later. 

I just realized season 14 is just Cas trying desperately to keep his family together. He’s trying to take care of them and he has the right words to say to everyone but not much happens besides him wanting to be a family man. 

14x14 gay on gay violence lol Also another family hunting trip! 

14x15 Fav episode! I just love Sam & Cas’s dumb chaotic energy in this ahaha! They are best friends damn it!

14x18 Cas is trying desperately to keep his family together and he feels responsible for Mary

14x19 Cas should have been allowed to kick Sam and Dean’s dumb flat asses for locking his baby boy in a box. 

14x20 AHHH

Divorce arc! All of s15 is great! Except you know...19&20 but we ignore that in this house. 

15x03 ICONIC but I will never watch it again

15x06 dude, they really be broken up. Cas kicks ass by himself and he’s fishing and he’s so cute. 

15x09 ICONIC Let him talk, Castiel!

15x11 Cas is THEE best Dad and let’s Jack eat hearts

15x13 Just for the family.

15x15 :(

15x17 Cas working to keep his baby boy

15x18 :( I mean at least he’s out but :(

Okay, this took me all day and I had fun! Nobody is gonna read it but who cares cause I just spent my day thinking of Cas when I had a pretty shit day so thanks, Nonnie! 

[theonethatwatchesalotofshows]

Ranking every teen drama I've watched

I have gotten really into teen dramas lately, because it's quarantine I can't go out and have fun, but I can still watch other people my age going out and having fun and doing things I don't get to do. Anyway I haven't seen all teen dramas, I was never interested in supernatural ones, so you won't find Vampire Diaries and similar shows on this list.

From worst to best:

The Secret Life of the American Teenager

I will never understand how this show ran for five seasons. It will forever remain a mystery to me. This show is so bad it's good. The writing resembles a wattpad story, Amy's pregnancy is inconsistent (like how was she five months pregnant for like five or six episodes, aren't the episodes supposed to be set a week apart?), the acting is bad (that is not to say that Molly Ringwald or Shailene Woodley are bad actresses, obviously they're not, I'm talking about Amy's sister that has the same facial expression no matter what her mood is supposed to be), some of the views this show expresses are very old-fashioned and damaging (the madonna-whore binary, the fact that they can't even utter the word abortion) and every single male character on this show is a creep and a cheater. I can't believe I watched like thirteen episodes of this. I will never get that time back.

Weirdest moment: "I'm a whore!" "Well, you're my whore." (Was this supposed to be romantic??)

Best moment: none

Glee

This is going to be unpopular and don't get me wrong, I like Glee, but I feel like the writers put much more thought into the musical numbers than the storylines. Again, Quinn's pregnancy is inconsistent (but I'm starting to think TV shows are always inconsistent about pregnancies), the characters don't look like they're in high school at all, the cheerleaders wear their uniforms 24/7 for no reason (Quinn even wore it to her sonogram, like seriously?) the whole celibacy club thing is weird and Mr Schue is a terrible teacher. However, the visuals and the musical numbers are great, Sue Sylvester is iconic (albeit also a terrible teacher) and some of the scenes are really emotional (Kurt singing I Wanna Hold Your Hand made my sister cry) so overall, it's pretty good.

Weirdest moment: Finn praying to grilled cheese (what??)

Best moment: Quinn giving birth to Bohemian Rhapsody, Kurt singing I Wanna Hold Your Hand

Dawson's Creek

I LOVE their 90s' outfits and Joey and Pacey are really otp material, but I just can't stand Dawson! He got mad that Joey didn't tell him about his mother's affair, as if it was her place to get involved. She was 15! It's understandible she didn't want to get tangled into that mess. He also slut-shamed Jen in a really gross way. He literally stopped talking to her for a day when he found out she isn't a virgin. Why are both Joey and Jen into this guy?? This would've been a much better show if it was called Joey's Creek or Pacey's Creek.

Weirdest moment: the way Dawson's mom confessed her affair to her husband. I don't think any irl human would use this choice of words. Also that scene where Dawson's father was teaching him how to kiss while Joey was watching. Cringe.

Best moment: any time Joey and Pacey are bickering. My shipper heart!

Pretty Little Liars

I loved the book version of this, but the TV version seems way too dramatic. First of all, they romanticized Aria and Ezra's relationship (ewww) and made the whole thing seem much more overdramatic. I don't know how to explain it, I mean the books are also dramatic but the TV show somehow took it to a whole new level. None of the girls look like they're in high school, but I love the way they dress and do their makeup. It's almost as though the writers put more thought into their outfits than storylines. I still loved watching it until Netflix took it off, though.

Weirdest moment: Spencer somehow trying to block A's number from her laptop in the middle of a park and then being confused that it didn't work. Weren't you supposed to be the smart one, Spencer?

Best moment: Haleb in the shower, hiding from Hanna's mom.

Skins

This is a classic. Effy is iconic (I somehow heard about her even before watching Skins) and the musical number at the end of season 1 was out of nowhere but still somehow fit perfectly into the story. I also give this show point for being one of the few TV shows where teen characters are actually played by real life teens. They look their age, talk their age (no "I reject reality" or other cringy lines like that) and aren't unrealistically perfect like characters from American teen dramas tend to be. They look like people you might actually meet in high school. However the show loses points for all the continuity errors (are 8 episodes supposed to be the whole school year??) and the number of unneccessary death/tragic accidents. It seemed kind of over-the-top and unneccessarily dark and brutal at times.

Weirdest moment: Chris's graphic death

Best moment: Wild World

Euphoria

The Gen Z American version of Skins, but with better visuals. Much better. I loved the aesthetic, the colors, the lighting and glitter. Zendaya's a great actress and I give this show points for casting an actual trans actress in the role of Jules. However I find it weird that all guys on this show are complete irredeemable assholes (except of Jules's dad and Ethan that is). Are we supposed to just root for the girls and not the guys? Also I find it hard to believe that any of these characters are actually 16/17. They have sex all the time (yeah teenagers have sex sometimes but on this show they treated Kat as some kind of a chaste nun for being a virgin at 16) and have seemingly no rules and no curfew. It would've been much more believable if they were in college.

Weirdest moment: Nate breaking into Tyler's house, beating him up and then taking a shower. The audacity this guy has!

Best moment: "You did this to me!" and Rue having an anxiety attack on the stage in theater class

Gossip Girl

I know this is also an unpopular opinion, because many claim Gossip Girl is the best teen drama ever, but for me it just got way too soapy as the seasons went on. The first two seasons were believable, even though they didn't really look like they were in high school, but after that it was just more and more weird plot points. I will give this show points for the fashion (I mean Blair's headbands and school uniform inspired a fashion line), the acting ("I killed someone"- iconic) and the choice of background music (Nate and Serena kissing to Paparazzi, Thanksgiving with Watcha Say). Despite the wild twists and turns of events, I just had to keep watching because this show had me hooked.

Weirdest moment: Bart Bass somehow flying off the building for no reason (seriously, what he did there had no logical explanation and defied laws of physics), Dan being Gossip Girl, Bart faking his death and returning more evil than before, Serena becoming Gossip Girl, the affidavit, everyone randomly stopping going to college... there are so many but Bart takes the cake I guess

Best moment: the Thanksgiving flashbacks from season 1, Dan placing a plastic crown on Blair's head

Freaks and Geeks

This is one of the few shows where high school is depicted realistically. It's not all glitter and parties and not everyone has sex and does drugs. Okay, I admit, the bullying was over the top and it was weird how no adults cared but other than that, it was pretty spot-on. It was emotional without being too dramatic and far-fetched and also had funny moments. Yes some of the characters may have been stereotypes but at least the show seemed self-aware of that. It's truly a shame we only got 18 episodes of this show, while The Secret Life of the American Teenager somehow got five seasons??? I don't get it.

Weirdest moment: when Cindy suddenly got super mean once she started dating Sam

Best moment: Daniel showing up at Kim's doorstep, Sam breaking down in tears in the end of 'Garage Door'

Gilmore Girls

I'm not sure this one counts as a teen drama, maybe it's more of a dramedy but I'm still including it here. It's funny, the dialogue is witty and full of obscure pop-culture references and the relationships between generations complex. Same as with Freaks and Geeks, the portrayal of high school is pretty realistic. Characters are shown studying and taking tests and not just partying all the time. However the show loses points for getting weirdly soapy in the 7th season. The dialogue wasn't as good and the camera angles were soap opera like and the storylines weren't very good either. You could really tell the show changed show-runners. The earlier seasons are the best. It's hard to explain but something about them feels cozy like a warm blanket and a cup of hot chocolate on a rainy day.

Weirdest moment: Lorelai marrying Chris and then making the whole "you're the man I want to want" speech, Lorelai defending and loving Dean for no reason

Best moment: Rory's graduation speech, Rory yelling at Chris and calling him out for not having been there for her, Then She Appeared, "Yes Emily, you may go first"... there are so many!

[deans-baby-momma]

Truth or Dare-Part 8/20

Summary: The Winchester sibling trio has been through so much in the last decade. From the night of their parents’ 30th wedding anniversary party where Sam and Dean eased Y/N from her innocence to Sam becoming a happily married lawyer with a kickass nurse of wife to the three of them now living in the same town they grew up in under the same roof where each of them came of age.  Y/N is a working mother of three,  her days spent helping the townsfolk make proper and suitable financial decisions while bustling about escorting her two oldest to school and her youngest, Mary Ellen, to daycare; Dean’s garage is the premiere body shop for classic restorations and  car maintenance; people from other state’s bring their vehicles to them to be repaired. Business at Winchester Wheels  is booming; Sam is the legal council for Winchester Wheels and has been since he moved back home almost 5 years ago. He has his work cut out for him dealing with the people Dean pisses off and threatens to sue the garage on at least a monthly basis.

After one lust-filled night, the siblings become more than family.  They become lovers. The three of them, together and separately.

One big loving family.

So when Y/N’s boss calls for her to take a much needed vacation, the six of them hit the road. What will happen? Will it bring them closer together or break them apart?

W/C: 1556

Warnings: talk of body changes, SMUT, fluff, Sammy being “saucy”

I would be lying to say the idea of being Dean's one and only, to know that he was bound to me, isn't enticing and exhilarating.

Although, even now we are already practically a married couple. We basically live together; he hardly ever goes to his apartment and never sleeps there. He is in my bed, snuggled up to me each and every night. We raise our children together, making sure all their needs are met. We have sex. Sure sometimes Sam is involved but there are times when Dean and I get some one-on-one time. And let me tell you, as passionate as it is with both of my brothers, when it is just Dean and I, it's more sensual, more intimate.

So, yea I let jealousy get its claws in me tonight and that monster made me believe that I wasn't enough for Dean. I'm such an idiot.

"I'm sorry," I say quietly, looking down at my lap. "I got jealous."

I look up at my lover through my lashes and see the smirk on his face. Cocky bastard!

"Don't be so smug asshole," I tell him but the sides of my lips lift. "It hurt. I thought you were tired of me or that I wasn't enough."  

"You will always be enough for me and I will never, ever tire of you," he tells me as he slides off the bed to the floor and walks on his knees to me. "Lisa was exactly what you called her, a whore. Hell, her pussy has probably been fucked by so many dicks, it'd feel like a hot dog in a hallway."

I couldn't help but laugh at his analogy. Dean Winchester sure had a way with words sometimes.

"You're probably right. What about mine?" I ask, feeling those desires creeping back up my body. "I'm sure I'm not as tight as I used to be. I have pushed three humans out of it."

Dean smiles up at me and lifts his hand,  pushing my hair behind my ear.

"Baby girl,  your pussy feels exquisite. Squeezes my dick just right. They, uh, they shrink back after you give birth. Not right away, but eventually."

"What?" I laugh. "How the hell do you know that?"

Dean blushes and clears his throat. "I might have done some research when you were pregnant with Isabella. I wanted to know what I should expect."

"So I'm still tight?"

"Well not as tight as before you gave birth, but baby you fit my cock like a glove. Sammy too. Hey, we talk!" he defends at my raised eyebrow. "We don't always just talk shop at work. I know about what happened when you tried…."

"Okay. Okay," I cut him off, feeling embarrassed about the time Sam and I 69'ed the first time. I actually tried to deep-throat Sam and actually ended up puking on him instead. The man's dick was lengthy!

"Y/N?" Dean says as he looks into my eyes. "Can I please make love to you now?"

I nod and breathe out, "Yes. Please."

Dean puts his hand on the back of my neck and pulls me down, capturing my mouth. He immediately requests access that I grant it by parting my lips for his tongue to snake through. 

I can already feel my clit tingling as I squirm on the chair, trying to find some friction. Putting his hands on my hips he stills my fidgeting; his tongue battling against mine. 

He pulls me from the chair and I land on his thighs as he sits back on his heels. 

“Can’t wait to get inside you,” he whispers against my lips. 

“Can’t wait to cum on your dick,” I reply. 

Dean pulls my legs to wrap around his waist and somehow manages to stand up from the floor with my body wrapped around his. I squeak and curl my arms around his neck as I deepen the kiss. 

He lays me gently back on the bed, never breaking the connection as he lays right beside me, his hand running up and down my body, squeezing periodically. 

We slowly work at undressing one another and when we are both bare, he takes no time in taking his spot between my thighs. 

“I love everything about you Y/N,” he tells me, looking into my eyes. “I love your voice, your laugh, the way you walk, the way you talk. I love watching the way you take care of my children, the way you take care of me and Sammy. I couldn’t imagine anyone else I’d want to do any of that with. 

“You have had my heart since I was 16 years old and realized how I felt about my little sister. It might be wrong but it felt so right. Now,” he continues after bending down and pecking a kiss on my lips. “I’m going to enjoy fucking you into this mattress because I really love doing that.”

“Go for it,” I respond and promptly turn my head to the side, burying my face in the pillow and screaming as Dean slams into me. He is fully sheathed and throbbing inside my pussy and it feels so good. So good!

“Move! Move! Dammit Dean, MOVE!”

Dean obeys and begins a hard and fast pace, pumping into me over and over. His grunts are just as loud as my moans and whines.

“Fuck! Baby girl, this pussy will be the death of me. Goddamn, it’s so tight; squeezing my dick so good. Oh, you’re close aren’t you? You gonna cum on my dick? Yea you are. Come on. Cum all over my cock. Let me feel you. Let go.”

A sharp thrust causes the tip of his dick to hit that one good spot inside and I see stars! I cum so hard that I think I forget how to breathe, how to do anything, as my climax rushes through my body and releases around him.

“Fuck, Y/N. You squirted all over me,” Dean says in awe. Once I get my bearings back, I become aware of just how wet it is down there. The squelching sound as he keeps thrusting into me is heard throughout the room, along with the slapping of wet skin. 

Dean’s pace begins to falter and I know he is close to his own orgasm. “Fill me up Dean. Put all that cum in my pussy. I want to feel it leaking out of me for days. Come on, cum inside me, all over me, wherever you want. Mark me as yours!”

Dean growls. He growls like a bear right before he wraps his arms around my back, causing me to arch. His hips are going at a maniacal speed as he grunts and pants in my ear. 

“Oh shit!” he exclaims, as he pushes in as far as he can, his whole dick inside my cavern as he throbs and spurts and spews; his cum splashing against my walls and filling me to the brim. 

We lay on the bed, still joined for what seems like hours. Dean’s dick softens inside of me but he doesn’t move. His body on top of mine keeps me grounded and I lay there and think about what happened tonight. 

Dean and I had our first official date as a couple, he took me to a nice buffet and then at the bar he tried to impress me by breaking the record on a mechanical bull. I got jealous and went off on some bitch who was trying to flirt with him, to us coming back and him professing his undying, unyielding love for me and telling me he wished I could be his wife! 

I get pulled from my reminiscing as Dean pulls out of me with a squelch. I immediately feel his cum running out of me and down my ass to the sheets. Dean looks down and smiles. 

“I love seeing you pour my cum,” he says then hops up and goes to the bathroom, returning with a damp washcloth. He cleans me up and then wipes himself off before throwing the rag back into the bathroom.

We climb into bed together and he pulls me close; my head on his chest and his arm wrapped around me. Our hands join on his abdomen and we just lay there, cuddled together. 

“I’ll try not to get jealous again,” I whisper and kiss his skin.

“I like it when you’re jealous,” he says. I raise my head and look at him, confused. “Shows that you do care, you do love me. And it leads to some ah-mazing sex!”

We laugh and I return to laying on his chest. “I have to agree there.”

When we do finally doze off, we are closer than ever before.

There is a knock on the door between the two rooms way too early for my liking, but I can tell by the impatient rapping it is RJ, ready and raring to go. 

Dean and I get dressed before opening the door and rejoining our family. Sam gives us both knowing grins, which I later find out is because he heard us fucking and actually jacked off to the sounds.

Thankfully the kids all slept through it all. That would be a terrible way to start a vacation! 

A/N: Lil fun fact for you. The analogy Dean uses for Lisa is something my brother-in-law said once and it kinda just stuck with me. He was an idiot. R.I.P. 

@lostinaseaoffictionalbliss @spnbaby-67 @tftumblin @sea040561 @delightfullykrispypeach @larajadeschmidt13 @atc74 @vicariouslythruspn @squirrelnotsam @death-unbecomes-you @sandlee44 @blacktithe7 @hoboal87 @mogaruke​ @deanwanddamons​ @onethirstyunicorn​ @supraveng​ @deandreamernp​ @akshi8278​

[massivelycreepypineapple]

The Princess And The Soldier

Request: Hi! Can I have angst and tragedy request. Dean x Daughter reader. Dean has two daughters but treat Reader like a soldier while the youngest treat like a princess Dean and reader don't have good relationship.The reader don't mind at all, as she wanted to please her father. Until, the reader and her sibling got kidnapped by demon and Dean will choose who to save. The reader begged Dean to save her little sister instead of her and she let out her feelings towards Dean and said goodbye to them

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Daughter!Reader

A/N: I was in this crazy writing zone and decided to post one more today. 

I hope you like this, Anon! 

Feedback is welcome as always!

Warning: Angst! A lot of it!

Word Count: 3046

❅ ❅ ❅

If there was one thing you wanted in this whole world, it was to make your dad proud. Nothing else mattered to you as much as that. Even if it meant losing yourself in the process you’d happily do it. Things were great between you and your dad in the beginning. You had wonderful memories of him and your mum taking you to the park and goofing around with you, you’d go camping together and enjoy family time whenever Dean was home from a hunt. Movie nights when uncle Sammy came over were a ball. The house was filled with music and laughter and you felt as if nothing in the world could compare to that or take it away.

That was until your sister was born.

You were only 4 when your mum died giving birth to your sister, Mary. She was attacked by a demon when she was 8 months pregnant and went into early labor. Dean managed to kill the bastard, but he could not save his wife. He watched her die in his arms and with her Dean’s spark died too. A terrible change came over him and no longer was there music or laughter at home. To make matters worse, his attitude towards you began to change and by the time you turned 13, he had completely withdrawn from you, treating you as nothing more than someone to train and feed. He had one job for you - Protect Mary no matter what. Two years later, It had become a mantra that he would repeat after every training session and it eventually replaced all the ‘I love you, sweetheart’.

The only person who seemed to bring even a small bit of happiness was Mary. She was a ball of energy and happiness that somehow managed to bring a bit of light into your home. She reminded you both of your mother and you felt as if a part of her was living through your sister. On the other hand you were more like Dean, something you took great pride in in spite of everything.

Despite the prejudice in your father, you loved Mary dearly. She was your best friend and someone who always managed to make you laugh with her quirks. You were grateful that at least she got to see the loving side of Dean. And that’s exactly what you saw when you walked past Mary’s room one night to get to yours.

“Sleep tight, baby girl” Said Dean softly to her.

“Daddy, what if there are monsters in my closet?” Asked Mary with wide eyes.

“You have nothing to worry about. No one can get you as long as I’m here.” He said kissing her forehead.

“But what if they sneak in?”

“Well, if they do they’ll have to go through me first and guess what?” He said grinning.

“What?”

“They’re too scared of me to come after my baby.” He whispered as if it was a secret.

“Really?” She asked looking at him in awe.

“I promise.” He smiled, tucking the blanket around her.

“Is Y/N safe too? What if the monsters get her? Will you be there too?” She asked innocently.

“You don’t worry about your sister, baby. She knows how to take care of herself. She doesn’t need me.”  You saw his body stiffen at the mention of you. “Now no more questions, you need to sleep.” He said tickling her, smiling widely at her giggles.

His reply broke your heart. You quickly made your way back to your room before either of them noticed your presence. You climbed into bed, trying not to cry. You told yourself that it was his way of having confidence in your hunting skills. He was doing what was needed to make sure you were safe. You fell asleep trying to take what little comfort you could from that.

____________

A year later, on your 16th birthday you were woken up by a jumpy 12 yr old on your bed.

“Wake up, Y/N! It’s your birthday!” She screamed into your ear, making your bury your head under the pillow.

“Go away, it’s not even 7!” You grumbled.

“Come on! Daddy’s making pancakes!” She ignored you and kept shaking you.

“Oh my god! I’m up!” You glared at her, making her giggle. She knew you weren’t a morning person and she found your antics hilarious.

You slowly made your way to the kitchen pouring yourself a cup of coffee and taking a seat at the table. You wished Dean good morning, used to the fact that he’d barely said it back to you like he would to Mary.

He piled up pancakes on all your plates, taking a seat opposite Mary and began to eat. Just as you were about to dig in, Mary spoke up, “Dad, you didn’t wish Y/N!”

Dean looked at you confused and then at her. “Wish her for what?”

“Her birthday! It’s her sweet 16! All my friends at school say it’s a big deal”

“Oh” His eyes widened in realisation. “Happy birthday, Y/N” He smiled at you. For a second you thought he was genuinely excited about your birthday and your heart skipped a beat.

“Are we going to do anything special today?” Asked Mary more excited about your special day than anyone else.

“Well, you and I will be starting your training, Mary.” Said Dean getting up to get more coffee.

“But-“

“It’s okay.” You interrupted. “You need to start training. It’s more important” You smiled at Mary, getting up and placing your plate in the sink. “I’ll umm go for a jog.” You said and left without making any eye contact.

It was so stupid of you to expect anything. Dean had stopped celebrating your birthday like he used to ever since your mum died. Mary got a lot of his attention and it was how it should be. She was a kid and he wanted her to grow up more normal. Which is why he sent her to school while he let you drop out at 15 to train better. Even though she knew about the things that went bump in the night, Dean always made it a point to protect her from it more than he protected you. The fact that he was finally training her today was a big deal. So you didn’t complain.

After an hour of jogging, you came back home to find Dean’s duffle bag near the door. He walked down the stairs and spotted you.

“Dad, where are you going?” You asked.

“Sam found a hunt. Looks like a demon. I’ll be gone for a few days. Take care of Mary okay?” He said busy making sure he had everything.

“Do you need an extra hand?” You asked hoping he would finally let you go on a hunt to prove your worth to him.

“Absolutely not! If you come, Mary comes. And I can’t risk her getting hurt. So you better watch out for your sister, Y/N. I mean it.” He said finally looking at you.

Dean can be very intimidating when he wants to be. And no matter how many times you end up on the receiving end of that gaze, it always made you feel like you’re screwing up no matter what.

“Yes, sir. I’ll watch out for her.” You said.

“Good.” He patted your back, walking towards the door. He stood and turned to you, “You take care too okay?” He said and left without waiting for a reply.

You heart hammered in your chest. You could never get used to the affection Dean showed you. It was few and far in between and when he did, you ate it up like a starved animal. It wasn’t often he directed concern towards you, but you figured the concern was masked under all that anger. So when he showed it, your day was made.

With a bright smile on your face you made your way to your room to take a shower. You passed by Mary’s door and saw her sitting grumpily on her bed.

“Hey, what’s up?” You asked.

“He was supposed to train me! He just left!”

You sighed at her. She didn’t understand the lengths their dad and uncle went to protect her.

“You know dad was really looking forward to it. But some stupid demon decided to wreck havoc. I promise you he’s going to come back and spend all his time with you.” You explained smiling at her.

“Why do you always take his side?”

“What?”

“You know what I’m talking about, Y/N. I ain’t stupid, you know. I pick up on things.”

“I know you ain’t stupid, Mare.” You said confused.

“I see the way he treats you. I’ve been paying attention to that since I was 7. He barely even acknowledges you and yet here you are always taking his side. Why?”

“He does acknowledge me!”

“No he doesn’t! We both know it!”

“Shut up, Mary! He cares! It’s his way of making sure I’m strong enough to protect you!”

“Yeah, that’s all you’ve done all my life! Dad protects me, you protect me! Who the hell is going to protect you?!”

You were stunned into silence. You never looked at it that way. Sure you noticed every time Mary got more from him than you did. But you were too busy trying to do better to make him proud, that you didn’t realise that the only one protecting you was you.

“The reason why I begged him to train me was so I can be the one to protect you back!” She was yelling at you now. “And now he left! It’s not fair!” She had tears streaming down her face. She rushed out of the room, making her way to the main door.

“Mary! Where are you going?!” You ran after her. “You can’t leave when Dad’s not here! You know that!”

She ran out the door with you at her heels. You finally caught up to her, your training giving you the leverage. You pulled her back by her shoulders. “Stop! Just calm down okay?”

Before anything more could be said you blacked out, the last thing you saw was Mary falling unconscious too.

__________________

You slowly woke up, realising that you were tied to a chair in the middle of a warehouse.

“MARY!” You yelled struggling to get out.

“Quit yelling! I’m right behind you!” She snapped.

“Are you okay? Are you hurt?” You asked, panicking.

“I’m fine. Just my head hurts. You?”

“Yeah pretty much the same.”

The door opened and a man walks in with deep black eyes, “So you brats finally woke up from your beauty sleep. Good!” He grinned.

“Let us go you son of a bitch!” You scream earning a whack across your face.

“Y/N!” Mary yells.

“I’m fine. He hits like a sissy” You grin at him, blood dripping down your lips.

“I see you got your father’s mouth.” He smirks. “This is going to be interesting.”

“Oh just wait till he comes, he’s going to send your dumbass back to hell!”

“I’m counting on his arrival, darling. He and his brother have been causing too much trouble for us. I figured I could make them suffer before I kill them. Kidnapping Dean Winchester’s daughters is going to get me such glory.”

“Look you got me, just let my sister go. Please!” You begged. Afraid for Mary’s life. You had one job and you failed miserably. It was all your fault.

“Oh no, sweetheart. There’s no point in holding onto just you. I need the daughter who Dean loves the most!” He laughed.

You tried not to let it get to you.

“Then let her go!” Mary yelled.

“Shut up, Mary! Don’t say a word!” You snap at her.

“Oh look at that, Dean’s little princess trying to save her failure of a sister. What’s daddy going to say about that, Y/N? You failed to protect her. You had one job.” He whispered the last part in your ear, making you tear up.

“Please” you begged, voice cracking.

Suddenly the door to the warehouse burst open and Dean barged in with his gun raised at the Demon.

“Let them go, you son of a bitch!” He yelled.

The demon quickly pulled out two gun pointing each one to yours and Mary’s head. “Well well, the third Winchester is here to join the party!”

Dean was livid. You had a pretty good idea at what, but a part of you knew he was going to give you hell once you got out of this.

“I won’t say it again, asshole! Let. My. Daughters. Go.” He gritted out.

“I will let them go, Winchester. But you’re gonna have to play a game before that.” The demon smirked.

“Over my dead body.” Dean replied calmly.

“Well, the game does require a dead body. But not yours. You get to choose which one of your daughters get to live. You can take her home.”

“How bout I take them both home after I put a bullet in your head!” He yelled.

“You take another step or do anything stupid, I’ll put a bullet in both their heads.” The demon grinned.

There was silence. You could see your dad panicking and holding back his tears. He didn’t have back up clearly and you didn’t know what happened to Sam.

“D-Dad. Pick Mary.” You said softly looking at the ground. You could hear her sniffle beside you.

“Y/N, no! Please! This is my fault! It should be me!” Mary begged.

“Quiet Mary, this doesn’t concern you.” You told her. “Dad, listen to me. You and I both know if push comes to shove, you’re going to save Mary.”

“Y/N, that’s not-“ Dean started frantically.

“It’s okay, dad.” You smiled teary eyes at him. “All I’ve ever wanted was to make you proud. I-I know mom’s death changed us a lot. I know how much you miss her. I miss her too. I’m sorry I wasn’t a good daughter. I’m sorry I wan’t enough for you to love. I get it, dad. You feel responsible for mom’s death, and Mary looks so much like her. You think protecting her will make up for what you think you failed to do. But dad it wasn’t your fault. It was the demon’s. And you ended up killing that bastard and Mary has always been safe. I know you were tough on me so I could do better and protect her when you couldn’t.” You were crying by now and so were Mary and Dean. You closed your eyes to take a breath before continuing. “I’m so sorry I failed, sir. I couldn’t protect her, I wasn’t fast enough to stop her.”

“N/N, no! It’s not your fault, it’s mine!” Mary said.

“Shh” You said smiling at her. “Maybe I didn’t deserve to be protected like Mary. I know I’m not as perfect as her. Hell she even got grandma’s name.” You chuckled addressing your dad. “It’s not like I have anything that reminded you of mom. I wish I did though, I mean she was so beautiful inside and out. It would be an honour for sure.” You chuckled lightly at that. “But that’s okay, because I noticed I am more like you, dad. And I am so proud of that. So proud to be your daughter. I was going to grow up to be just like you.”

“Y/N, baby. I’m so sorry.” Dean was a sobbing mess.

You had never seen your dad like this before and it broke your heart. You never meant to hurt him. You just wanted to make him proud.

“I’m so so sorry I didn’t treat you right, baby girl. I love you so damn much. You’re right. You were always so smart.” He smiled at you. “Mary is so much like mom and I got consumed by my guilt. And you do remind me of myself, Y/N and that scared me so much. It was like looking in a mirror. When mom was killed, looking at you meant dealing with myself and my demons and I couldn’t. So I pushed you away. I’m so fucking sorry!”

“I just wanted you to love me.” You whispered.

“I do love you, Y/N! So much. More than my own life!”

You finally heard what you’d been dying to all these years. “I love you too, daddy”

You hadn’t called him that in years and when you did your heart swelled up with so much love. You should be angry at him for treating you like a soldier. But right now, knowing the road ended for you, it didn’t matter. All that mattered was that he loved you just as much as he loved Mary.

“Oh my heart!” The demon, who was silently listening, suddenly made his presence felt. “I could cry, but fortunately, I’m a demon.” He grinned. “Choose Winchester. Who will it be? Your little princess or your little soldier?”

“Daddy, please. Don’t let him hurt, Y/N!” Mary begged.

You looked at Mary and smiled sadly, “Mary, you probably won’t understand this now, and you’re going to be so pissed at me and dad once this is all over. But I promise you that this is my choice. I love you so much and I wish I could watch you grow into this amazing person. But that’s not possible. And dad needs you more than he needs me.”

“No! He doesn’t! He won’t admit it, but he needs you too! I need you!” She screamed.

“Please don’t do this” Dean begged the Demon.

You looked at Dean, “Protect Mary no matter what, right?”

The last time your dad looked so broken was when his wife died, but you knew it would hurt less for him if you were the one to go. You watched him close his eyes and look down in shame. You know he had made his decision and this is where the road ended for you.

You cried harder looking into Dean’s eyes, “I love you, daddy and I forgive you.”

That was the last thing you said before a bullet went through your skull.

❅ ❅ ❅

TAGS BELOW

@hobby27 @akshi8278 @svmwinchesterr

[casmick-consequences]

okay um sjdghs yeah thank you for not being mean or thinking I was mean cause I really wasn't! I do really like your blog (we are mutuals and I *think* you know me by name) but zjdgsh jack still isn't Cas coded for me, tbh. He might LOOK like Cas but sjdgsh his literally story was based on his powers othering him (sam), killing his mother (sam) and eventually being manipulated into doing something bad by accident and no bad intentions (sam). he is also infused with very obvious daddy issues (the sam kind more than the Cas kind) and if you thjnk about it I prommy there's not a lot of similarities between his and cas's personalities (except for that they're both wonderful and I love them but that's beside the topic) like Cas plotlines usually go like: huge sacrifices for love, hugely misguided attempts to make everything right, loss of powers leaving him abandoned. while sam (and jack) plot lines are the opposite because it's the ABUNDANCE of power that leaves them abandoned (by Dean, cough, cough) and while cas's powers are seen as desirable throughout the show (when they ARE seen, of course :/) sams were evil and Jack's were evil and they were supposed to be thought of as evil (by us, the narrative and dean) for using them ! So...yeah? also sjdgshs I hear you on the Dean not being a John girl just because he wanted his affirmation so bad and would do anything he said for it — but the jack Dean situation is not exactly the same because the moments that they use to show us that jack loves Dean aren't ones where dean has any expectations from him to be/do good per se???? it's things like fishing and being a dork on a case and they "make jack the happiest he's been" so...? (Plus I DO believe that jack really wanted Dean's approval and Dean to think of him as good, and family but it just...isn't in the same way as John. Dean WAS a dick to jack and it might johncode him but Jack's behavior doesn't s1-dean code him 🥺) so im gonna stick with jack being a samcoded deangirl who looks a lot like Cas actually ajdgshs (also yeah Dean is both a samgirl and a casgirl, he has the range, although you saying he HAS to be a samgirl cause they're blood is kinda weird because I really do think he loves and stans sam as family (in a COMPLETELY non incestuous way oh god) and not just because he has to cause of the script (like some bloggers these days think...which just. what show did you even watch bestie) but yeah. also, if we had to choose, I'd definitely choose sam as a casgirl. Because he appreciates him and looks up to him and cas's opinions really matter to him and he believes in him and wamts him to come home and thinks of him as best friend and family :)

Listen bestie. I get your points, I'm willing to say that Sam's a Casgirl bc he loves his bestie and always tries his best to give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe even more than Dean's done.

HOWEVER. Let's go back to the part where you don't think Jack is Cascoded because their plotlines don't match. (Also; Sam didn't kill his mom. Azazel killed her 6 months after his birth. As for the manipulation thing; that happened to all three of them at some point.)

Let's look at your namings of Cas's plotlines:

huge sacrifices for love

Jack literally gave his life/was ready to give his life to save the Winchesters&Castiel on multiple occasions. He kneeled down before Dean's gun because he felt he deserved it, he wanted to kill himself in 13x23 to save Sam and the others, and his entire arc in season 15 was about sacrificing himself to kill God and Amara. So that Sam and Dean could finally be free.

hugely misguided attempts to make everything right

point I mean; this speaks for itself. Things go wrong and Jack always tries to fix it, even if it doesn't turn out well. A GREAT example is everything that went down with him and Dumah; him trying to make Heaven a better place (making angels, killing non-believers, etc) because he believed it'd make Sam and Dean happy, and it would redeem him from killing Mary. In fact, his soulless arc was pretty close to Cas's Godstiel arc. I could even pull up a few parallels for you.

loss of powers leaving him abandoned

He lost his powers in season 14. And yes, he wasn't left on the streets like Cas was. HOWEVER, he felt just as lost and abandoned as he did. Not physically but definitely emotionally. He had no one to connect with and felt useless and hopeless. He stole someone's grace afterwards, though, just like a certain angel we all know and love.

I get what you mean and Sam and Jack do have similar story arcs. But Jack has similar story arcs with all three of them, and he shares all their characteristics because he's their son. All three boys are his dads, but he only has one father and that's Cas. I just think he happens to share more of Cas's personality because he has the same squints, the same awkwardness around humans, the same confusion about specific trivia and the same love for the Winchesters.

Let's just agree to disagree at this point sjkfjsdklf we could go on and on about this.

I enjoy this, though <3 this is fun. I love getting to talk to you ppl about this stuff :D

[lifblogs]

SPNDBCC | Castiel Has Rainbow Wings | @foundfamily4eva

READ ON AO3

Castiel was an angel again. He supposed to his family he’d never really stopped being one. Dean had even told him it was more about who Castiel was rather than what he was. And he had the mind of an angel, all the information and the ways of thinking. He’d just had a soul instead of Grace. Now, his Grace was back, and he was… different. So different in fact that he found he couldn’t stay in the bunker.

So he’d left. Left Sam. Left Dean. Cas just couldn’t do it, couldn’t be with them when he had such awful grief tearing him apart.

He’d been hesitant to do it after he got his Grace back, hesitant to look at his wings. He knew what the wings of his brothers and sisters looked like. They were damaged, feathers fallen, some barely just clinging on.

Castiel knew his would be like that too.

So he found an abandoned barn, and he summoned his wings.

The pain sent him to his knees, and he screamed through gritted teeth. Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes, blurring his vision.

Oh, it hurt! He could feel the monstrosities they had become, could feel the feathers that had been ripped out with the Fall. They hadn’t burned like those of his brethren, but they were still… gone. His wings were far too light, and felt horrible and wrong on his body. These weren’t his wings. They weren’t.

But they were.

So Cas was glad to be alone, glad to grieve this.

His wings had been beautiful once. So beautiful. The memories of them stung, so he left them alone. After a time, he was able to dismiss his wings from the physical realm, and then he got in the car and drove. He didn’t know where he was going or why until he was outside the bunker.

It was drizzling, and the sun had dipped below the horizon. Castiel sat in his Continental, staring at the entrance to the bunker. Grief lay heavy in his chest, and it was ripping him up inside, working its way outward. He nearly shook from it. His body tensed, and his hands balled into fists. He wanted to do something with those fists, but he didn’t know what.

No, I can’t.

Castiel forced himself to take deep breaths, and relaxed his hands.

Then, he got out of the car to go into the bunker.

He sought out Dean. He didn’t know why, but he did it on a whim, on what humans might call instinct. Dean was in his room, watching something on his laptop, headphones on. He jumped upon seeing Castiel, tapped the space bar, closed his laptop, and slipped his headphones off.

“Hey, Cas!” he greeted him enthusiastically, as he set the device on the floor. He went over to him, and wrapped an arm around him. Castiel gave him a full-body hug in return. Dean pulled away, and searched his face. Castiel wanted to hide himself, but he didn’t. He let Dean see all his pain. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

Castiel hesitated, not sure this was the right thing to do. But no, he’d already gone all in when he’d been searching out Dean. He sighed, and went over to Dean’s bed. He folded his hands together, putting them between his knees. He looked up at Dean, and that grief reached to claw into his heart. He bled.

“My wings…” Castiel got out in a hurried rush of words. “They’re not the same.”

Dean hissed in a breath, sucking on his bottom lip. He turned, as if surveying his surroundings for a bit, and then closed his door. He sat down beside Cas.

“It’s okay,” Dean told him. “I know. I saw the other angels’ wings. I’m sorry.”

“Mine used to be so beautiful,” Castiel said, still on the verge of tears.

“I wish I could’ve seen them. Can you…” Dean paused, as if unsure if he was stepping over a boundary or not. “Can you show me?”

Castiel smiled.

“Of course, Dean.”

He tapped on Dean’s head, and then he was in his friend’s mind. He found a space where he could force in his own thoughts and have them be stored in Dean’s memory, and then he exhaled, and part of his consciousness poured into Dean.

~~~

Dean gasped at the image that flooded his brain. His breath was stolen from him in a beautiful, powerful grip. What he saw was more transcendent than anything humanity had to offer.

There was Castiel, in the barn, the night they’d met. He was glowing, and Dean knew the shadows of his wings had shown through into this realm, but now… now he saw them as an angel would. God, they were… There weren’t words. Beautiful didn’t even come close to what he was being shown.

Castiel’s wings spread out behind him, majestic and full. His feathers flared, as if to say that, yes, he was an angel, and that he wouldn’t be cowed by Dean.

The feathers themselves…

They were rainbow. They glowed with the grace of Heaven, Dean’s human mind only able to comprehend them as the rainbow of an oil spill. The colors shifted and changed, holding Dean captive with their beauty. There were the colors of the leaves in autumn, the colors of flowers in bloom in spring, the pure white and blue of a winter snowfall, the full, robustness of summer. They were the sun. They were silver and gold, and the stars in the night sky, and birth and death, and the vastness of the universe condensed into one, perfect being. They were Castiel.

Dean cried.

He cried at seeing those wings in his head, at re-experiencing meeting him and realizing… realizing that this angel was so god damn beautiful it was incomprehensible.

Castiel finished implanting the image in his mind, and he removed his hand from his head. Dean just stared, open-mouthed.

“Cas… you’re beautiful.”

“Thank you, Dean. However, I am not anymore.”

“You are. You just need me to keep reminding you of that. Cas… th-thank you for that. Seriously, man, just… Wow. Can they heal? Can the feathers grow back?”

“With time,” Castiel answered.

“Well…” Dean started, slapping a hand to Castiel’s thigh, the gesture casual yet meaningful at the same time, “till then, you’re still beautiful to me.”

Castiel smiled, and Dean imagined those wings spread out behind him, rainbow like all the light in the world.

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

Vol. LXII

It was a love story from the very beginning.

The One That Matters To Me

(11x01/11x02/11x03)

Hello my friends! I can't believe we arrived to s11 with these Chronicles!

This season is one of most analyzed on the fandom, so I will try to share with you everything I found in my rewatching, but I warn you, most of the things had been discussed on the fandom and are canon facts.

Is a very blatant season to analyze, even the writers were more TEXTUAL when they wanted us to see the SUBTEXT, so, it was easy to see in this season what was it talking about.

Welcome to season 11! Here we go!

"I'm not here to bring you peace."

From the very first moment Amara appears in front of Dean, the dialogue talks us about how Dean will fight back their forced bond...

DARKNESS: I like it here. With you. I haven't felt this peaceful in a long, long time.

DEAN: Well, let's get something straight -- I'm not here to bring you peace. I know what you are.

This happens in the first episode in season 11 and Dean is showing her the limit. I'm not here to bring you peace. It means, I'm not here to be your friend. We are enemies.

He's marking the boundary between them. And this will be his fight for the rest of the season.

Worried about each other

I want to talk first about a little foreshadow with a Castiel mirror we had in episode 11x01: Mike. Mike was dressed in blue and he had just lost his wife while giving birth his little baby. And Mike will die too. So we had Kelly mirror/the dead mother, Castiel mirror (Mike, foreshadow of his dead) and Jack/baby Amara.

But let's talk about the Destiel phone call.

DEAN: Where the hell are you, Cas?

(The scene flips between Sam and Dean at the hospital, and Castiel in the woods.)

CASTIEL: I'm...I'm okay.

DEAN: You don't sound okay.

CASTIEL: Dean, I am fine. Besides, what I have, you can't help me.

DEAN: What do you mean, what you have?

CASTIEL: Just please tell Sam -- Rowena escaped with the Book of the Damned and the codex.

DEAN: Okay, forget Rowena. Where are you?

CASTIEL: Now, you tell me -- the Mark . . .

DEAN: Oh, really? You're worried about me after everything that I’ve --

CASTIEL: Dean, is it gone?

DEAN: Yes. I'm good. I mean, I'm not great.

(Gif set credit @adorkabledean )

CASTIEL: Makes two of us. (Dean puts Cas on speakerphone) This is good news.

Okay this is very sweet, first of all, Cas doesn't want Dean been worried about him, so he changes the conversation, but Dean teuesnto make him come back to talk about how is Cas. But Castiel switches again, asking about the mark. Is hilarious because they want to know about each other safety but not to tell about their own, because they put each other first.

And Castiel face of relief is too much for our heart. Like... Thatvwas the only thing that matters to him, and vice versa (💙💚).

And then, Dean thinks Cas should be mad at him after he kicked his ass in the bunker but, as always, Cas forgives him.

But not just that, the last quote Cas says makes Dean worry more.

CASTIEL: (pauses at a sound in the woods behind him) Sam, Dean . . . Goodbye. It may be some time before we see one another again.

DEAN: Wait, Cas. Cas!

If Dean wanted to get away from that hospital, now he wants it more.

First Kiss

Episode 1 ends with Amara saying this...

(gif set credit @justjensenanddean )

"We're bound, Dean. We'll always be bound. You helped me. I helped you. No matter where I am, who I am . . . We will always help each other."

But episode 11x02 starts with Jenna saying this interesting quote...

"Had my first kiss at that blue house over there."

We all recalled the kiss between Dean and Amara and how that, after a few episodes, was taken as a curse, (I will explain this in the following metas) But is good to point this quote, with Jenna being the righteous girl mirror of the righteous man saying her FIRST KISS happened IN A BLUE HOUSE.

What this means? It means... Dean had his first kiss with Castiel. (blue=Cas) It means Dean is already taken. Dean has already a chosen profound bond with Castiel. So even if Amara is saying 'we're bond' or even if she kisses him, Dean has already his first kiss with Cas, their profound, strong, unique bond with his angel. The man he loves.

(Gif set credit @hallowedbecastiel )

This is the episode in which Billie appears for the first time, making a presentation of what the Empty will be, and I forgot to mention in the episode 1 Mike says he will go to hide into a dark place and wait. Mike, as Castiel mirror, is foreshadowing Cas in the Empty, the place where nothing comes back.

This episode shows us too how angel's torture Castiel, mocking him about his bond with Dean, and threatening him to cut his virility, just because they are against Castiel's relationship and feelings for Dean. Much of them find it dirty, against their Sacred Oath.

Paying my debts

Episode 11x03 (directed by Jensen Ackles) showed us a very protective and touchy Dean Winchester 😏

The spell Rowena threw on Cas powered up his guilts and weakness, so it terrified Castiel at the point to leave him weak and depressed, facing his fears and dark side.

When Dean finds him tryin to hurt a woman, Cas, out of his mind, fights against him, and Dean just functioned as a receptor of his punches.

Dean tries to reason with him but it was in vain, till Rowena releases him.

(Gif set credit @yourfavoritedirector )

The scene in which Dean comforts his friend is very touchy and warm. He grabs delicately Castiel's head and tries to search for his eyes. So sweet and I can't stop watching it... Of course Jensen /Dean touches Cas/Misha marvelous thigh after this, but that's just fanservice... Or Cockles, whatever 😏🤣🤣

Is very sad too after all of this, watch Dean rejecting Castiel's attempts to heal him. Because he needs to pay a doubt. Because it hurts him so much he punched Castiel after everything he did for him and after hearing his loyal and full of love speech. So he prefers to carry with the physical of being hit by his powerful friend as a purge of his guilts.

To Conclude

From the begining season 11 settles Amara had came to prove Dean's profound bond with Castiel. She's darkness, and curse, and Castiel is light and chosen love.

Castiel starts to drown into his own darkness (depression and fears).

Hope your liked this first meta, see you in the next one.

Tagging @metafest @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weirddorkylittlediana @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @foxyroxe-art @authorsararayne @anonymoustitans @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @wildligia @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-is--endgame @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @tenshilover20 @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica @isthisdestiel @dizzypinwheel @jawnlockwinchester @horsez2 @qanelyytha

@imjustkipping @destielle @agusvedder @spnsmile @shippsblog

If you want to be added to this list, just let me know.

Buenos Aires May 19th 2020 5:58 PM

[dlwritings]

Firecracker Soul | Dean Winchester

Chapter 18 - Holly Berkley

pairing - mob!Dean x teacher!ofc

word count - 4,083

warnings - vomit

additional notes at the end

(previous)

Alice woke up and rubbed her eyes. She turned her head to look at the clock and saw that it was almost 6:00, so she rolled from her back to her side, only to have her stomach turn uncomfortably. She covered her mouth with her hand and rushed off to the bathroom. She barely got to the toilet before she spilled the contents of her stomach. She retched so hard that tears came to her eyes, and when she finally caught her breath, she slumped against the counter. There was a soft knock at the door, and Dean poked his head in. "Hey," he said, his eyebrows furrowed. "Are you okay?" She started to nod, but felt another wave of nausea come, so she leaned back over the toilet.

Dean crouched beside her and held her hair while rubbing her back. Alice took a deep breath and grabbed some toilet paper to wipe her mouth, then flushed the toilet. "Yeah," she said. "I guess I must've eaten something weird yesterday. Or maybe I'm coming down with something. I don't know." Dean put the back of his hand against her forehead.

"You don't feel warm," he said.

She sighed. "I feel like crap."

"I'm sorry, sweetheart," he said. "What can I do for you?"

"Nothing," she said with a dismissive shake of her head. "I'll just take it easy today. I gotta text Christine and tell her I can't make it this morning."

"Okay," Dean said, pushing some hair away from her forehead. "I have a meeting with Crowley and my people, but I can just push it to-"

"No, no, it's fine," she said. "Go. I can take care of myself."

"You shouldn't have to be alone when you're sick," he said.

"Seriously," she laughed, "I'm really okay. If I need something, I'll text you. Or Christine or, like, literally anyone. It's not like I haven't been sick before."

Dean sighed. "Alright. Whatever you say, sweetheart."

Alice fell back asleep after that and stayed asleep even after Dean left for the day at 10:30. When Alice woke up again, she found a note on the bedside table. I'll be gone most of the day. It's okay if you're not up for dinner tonight. Just rest up and I'll give you endless cuddles when I get home

She smiled at the note and put it down, then picked up her phone to check her notifications. She had gotten a response from Christine, a message from her group chat with her dads, and a notification from one of her apps.

Hey. Eve needs to know if 🌊 has hit. Please update!

Just like that, Alice felt sick again, but for a whole new reason. Her period was supposed to have hit -she checked the app- on Wednesday. She had taken the right pills, she was sure of it. The whole point of her birth control -in the beginning- had been to regulate her menstruation cycle. She had done it for enough years that she had the whole routine down pact.

Oh god.

"Okay," she mumbled, pushing herself out of bed, "be a grown-up. Handle this like a grown-up. What would a grown-up do right now?" She paused. "Go to the store and get a test. Get three tests. You're probably fine. You're on birth control, for God's sake. That's literally the whole point. Control births."

She changed into some clothes and headed off to the pharmacy, shaking the whole way there. She tried to play music that would calm her down, but she couldn't concentrate on anything except the fact that she was going to the pharmacy to determine whether or not she had a life inside her belly.

Yeah. Totally nothing to freak out about.

Alice was looking all around her as she headed into the store. She felt like she was on a secret mission or something. The last thing she wanted was for someone she knew to see her buying a pregnancy test. Scratch that. Three pregnancy tests.

She got them rung up as quickly as she could, asked the cashier to double bag it, and headed back to her apartment. She didn't want to get the results at Dean's place just in case he walked in for whatever reason while she was waiting.

She had to give herself another pep talk in the bathroom. "Okay," she said, unboxing each package. "Just pee. You pee all the time. This time you're just peeing on some sticks. Totally normal. Totally chill. You're just aiming your pee a little bit differently than you usually do."

She sat on the toilet and held each pregnancy tests in her hands. She got enough pee on the sticks and set them on the bathroom counter. Each stick took three minutes, so she set a timer on her phone and left the bathroom. A watched pee stick never turns negative.

When her phone beeped, her whole body froze up. She managed to shut off the timer and take a deep breath, then walked into the bathroom. She closed her eyes, took another deep breath in through her nose and out through her mouth, and then opened her eyes.

She covered her mouth with her hand as tears welled up.

One test showed a set of double lines, another the word yes, and the last a simple plus sign.

"No," Alice muttered to herself. "No, no. That's not-" She cut herself off with a shake of her head. "Not possible."

That, of course, was the denial talking. One test could read a mistake, but three? Three were, well, she knew there was no use fighting the truth.

There was nothing remaining in her stomach, so she dry heaved into the toilet. Nerves rather than morning sickness, she was sure.

With shaking hands, Alice reached for her phone and called the first person she could think of. The line only rang a few times before she got sent to voicemail. "Hey, you've reached Christine, you know what to do-"

She didn't want to leave a message, so she just hung up. Only a few seconds later, her phone buzzed with a text from Christine: Sorry girl. Things are crazy over here today. Call you later?

Alice responded with a thumbs up, realizing that Christine must've picked up a shift at work since she couldn't make breakfast. If things were hectic there, of course she couldn't take a minute to receive this world-altering news. She turned her phone in her hands a few times, still trying to figure out what to do. She needed to talk to someone right then, and that someone couldn't be Dean. Or her dads.

Then, it hit her like a truck who she wanted to talk to.

Without even really thinking about it, Alice left her apartment and headed down to her Jeep. She drove through town for about ten minutes, stopped at a flower shop to pick up some yellow carnations, and a few minutes later, pulled up to the cemetery. She knew where the grave was like the back of her hand. She used to visit the site almost every week in high school, and even though she hadn't been there since she came back from college, she wasn't sure she'd ever forget exactly where it was: just under the largest oak tree.

She parked her car and walked over to the headstone.

Holly Berkley

1975-1998

Alice sat down and laid the flowers beside the headstone.

"Hi, Mom," she whispered. She crossed her legs and started picking at the grass. "I'm sorry I haven't come by in a while. When I got back from New York, I wasn't exactly in the right headspace, you know? And then I met Dean and-" She hesitated, shaking her head. "I guess I should fill you in, yeah?"

Alice wasn't sure why she felt so inclined to talk to her mom. It was like she said to Dean so long ago. She never felt like she was missing out on anything by not having a mom because she never met her in the first place. What she hadn't told him was that, for years, she had been making up for the lack of a mother by speaking to her this way. It wasn't much, but for her whole life, it was all she had. And she took it.

She talked to her mom for nearly a half hour and told her all about Greg and Lexi and Jess and Sam and Hannah and Castiel and Brent and filled her in on how Christine was doing and, finally, told her all about Dean. "I don't know what to do," she said, putting her hands on her stomach. "I don't know who to tell because I don't know how anyone's going to react. I-" Her voice cracked a bit as she hung her head. "I wish you were here. I wish you could tell me what it was like when you were pregnant with me and, and just tell me that everything's gonna be okay. Because I don't know if everything's gonna be okay, Mom."

Some tears escaped her eyes, and she pulled her cardigan sleeves over her hands. She heard some leaves crunching, so she wiped her tears and looked up, surprised to see Jess walking over to her. "I thought that was you," Jess said with a soft smile. Her smile dropped when she noticed Alice's tear stains. "I'm sorry," she said. "I can leave you-"

"No, no, it's fine," Alice said quickly. "I, actually, I don't know if I really want to be alone." Jess nodded in understanding and sat opposite Alice. She looked at the headstone and the flowers, deciding to wait and let Alice speak first.

"She died giving birth," Alice explained, picking at the grass again. "I guess it's weird that I come out here and talk to her because I never actually knew her."

"It's not weird," Jess said. She paused, then said, "I was just visiting my big brother. He died when he was seven. I was five. I don't even know what I'm supposed to say to him anymore, but I still talk to him sometimes." Alice nodded and pulled her legs up to her chest. When they were both quiet again, Alice let out a heavy sigh.

"I'm pregnant," she whispered. Jess looked up at her, trying to mask her shocked expression.

"Have you told Dean?" she asked. Alice shook her head no.

"I don't know how to," she told her. "It's not like we wanted a baby. We haven't even been together for two months. I feel like such an idiot."

"This stuff happens," Jess said. "And Dean's a good guy. He won't be upset."

"He'd have every right to be upset," she said. "I was the one who said he didn't have to wear a condom." She blurted the words out, but she didn't have it in her to be embarrassed. "I was so stupid. I thought the birth control would be enough, but I shouldn't have been so naive."

"It's just as much on him, Alice," Jess said. "He could've argued, but he didn't. This is not all on you."

"Jess," she said, hanging her head, "I'm so scared." Jess reached out and squeezed Alice's hand so she'd look up.

"Do you want to keep it?" she asked. Alice bit her upper lip and looked down at her stomach, putting her free hand on it.

"Yeah," she whispered. "I do." She looked up at Jess with wide eyes. "You can't tell him. Or Sam. Or Hannah or Cas or, or Lexi or anyone."

"I won't, I won't," Jess assured her. "It's okay. I won't."

Alice scoffed. "How long can I put this off?" Jess smiled softly.

"You obviously won't be able to hide it once you start to show," she said. "Depending on how far along you are, it could still be a while."

"I should probably go to the doctor, right?" she said.

"Yeah," Jess said. "I called my OB-GYN as soon as I got positive on my test." Alice chewed on her thumbnail, and Jess said her name softly so she'd look at her. "You know you have options, right?"

"Yeah," she whispered.

"You don't have to do this," she said. "If you're not ready or you just don't want to-"

"I know," she said. She scoffed a bit and shook her head. "I never, ever thought I'd have an accidental pregnancy," she said, "but if I did, I was sure I would get an abortion. I'm all pro-choice, but now-" She hadn't even realized her hand was still on her stomach, but Jess did. "-I don't want to. Like, that's a little bit of me in there that's going to grow into a person, and I want to see who that person becomes." She looked up at Jess with an embarrassed smile. "I sound crazy, don't I?"

"Not even a little bit," Jess said. "I get what you're saying."

"But, god," Alice continued, "I'm not ready to be a mother."

"Would you consider adoption?" she asked.

"Maybe," she said. "But I would still want to be part of the kid's life. Like, I wouldn't take away the fact that the adopted parents are its mom and dad, but I'd like to be there too from time to time."

Jess nodded. "I can be with you through all of this, if that makes you feel better." She chuckled. "Or I can walk away and pretend I don't know anything."

"No," Alice said. "I need help. I can't do this by myself. And Christine-" She sighed and shook her head. "I think I'd rather just wait until I've told Dean and everything makes sense before I tell her."

"If you're feeling hesitant," she said, "you can wait until the second trimester to tell family and friends. That's what a lot of people do, just because the first trimester is-" She cut herself off, but Alice knew what she was going to say.

"I know," she said. "Highest chance of miscarriage." Jess reached out and squeezed her hand again.

"It's gonna be okay, Alice," she said. "Whatever happens, it's gonna be okay."

Alice bit her upper lip and let out a sigh through her nose. "Do you think he's going to leave me?" she asked. Jess pressed her lips into a tight line, and Alice expected the worst, but Jess shook her head no.

"I don't think so," she said. "He's a good man, and he'll know that this is equally as much on him as it is on you. He'll be as involved or not involved as you want him to be."

"Okay," Alice said with another sigh.

They stayed in the middle of the cemetery while Alice called her doctor. She scheduled an appointment for the following Wednesday after school. Until then, Alice decided she would just have to put on a brave face and pretend like everything was okay. Hopefully her morning sickness wouldn't be too bad and she would be able to hide it all from Dean. "He's not the brightest bulb in the drawer," Jess teased. "He'll never notice."

-

Dean was not looking forward to his meeting with Crowley. He had gone through all possible options, and continuously came up empty. As much as he hated to admit it, Crowley was right. Their best option was to send in Jack.

With everyone -Dean's team and Crowley's- gathered in the bunker, Dean stood up. He was too tense to stay seated. He knew this would not go over well. Jack had already agreed to the idea, and it didn't matter what everyone else said, but they still all needed to know.

"Okay," Dean said, pacing around the table, "as you all -or most of you- know, Jack is Lucifer's son." A few people (mostly Crowley's people) looked in Jack's direction in shock, but everyone stayed silent. "We've been searching for a way to get Lucifer for a long time now, and none of our plans have worked. If I'm being honest, we're getting desperate. So-" He hesitated and let out a sigh. "-we have decided to send Jack in as a rat." Most everyone was silent, but a few others looked frustrated.

"You think that'll work?" one of Crowley's men asked. "You think Lucifer is that much of an idiot that he'd let him in?"

"Everyone has an achille's heel," Dean said. "Believe it or not, family is Lucifer's. If Jack says the right stuff when he meets up with him, I think he'll be desperate enough to believe him."

"How're you going to convince him to meet up?" Amara asked.

"Jack has contacted Lucifer personally," Dean said. "They're meeting up at his bar. Charlie is hoping to hack into the security system so we can see it all go down, because Jack can't wear a wire. It'll be one of the first things Lucifer checks for."

"And if Lucifer doesn't bite?" she continued.

"Or if he calls your bluff?" Bela added.

"If he doesn't bite," Dean said, "we're back to square one, but we'll handle it. If he calls our bluff-" He looked at Jack whose expression remained impassive. "-we'll handle that too."

When the meeting ended, Dean just wanted to go home. He didn't like leaving Alice alone when she was sick, and he knew she probably wanted cuddles.

Okay, maybe he wanted cuddles, but no way in hell would he admit that out loud.

He was stressed, and having Alice's arms around him, her fingers running through his hair, was like the world's best drug to him.

When he got home, he found Alice in the bedroom, practically in the exact same position he had left her, sound asleep. He tried to be quiet as he moved around the room, opening drawers so he could change out of his business clothes. He slid on some sweatpants and a t-shirt and crawled into bed beside Alice. He was able to reach the remote, so he flicked the TV on and kept it at a nearly silent volume, turning on the captions so he didn't wake Alice. She must've sensed his body beside her, because she rolled over and wrapped her arm around his stomach, tangling one of her legs with his. He thought for a moment that she had woken up, but the still steadiness of her breathing proved otherwise.

He picked out an episode of Scooby-Doo that was on Amazon Prime, knowing it was something he could watch without reacting too dramatically to it. He also knew Alice would make fun of him if she caught him watching it, but he didn't mind. Hell, she was the one who semi-regularly watched Disney movies.

Alice stirred about an hour later, and Dean looked down at her. "Mornin', sweetheart," he teased, kissing the top of her head. "How're you feeling?"

"Mm, better," she hummed. "What time is it?"

"Little after seven," he said. "Did you sleep all day?"

"Ha ha," she said back, snuggling closer to him. "No. I think I fell asleep around four or something. When did you get home?"

"About three episodes of Scooby-Doo ago."

Alice looked at the TV for the first time and laughed. "I haven't watched this in ages," she said. "I can't believe you watch this."

"Don't hate," Dean said.

"I'm not," she said. "I'm just saying." Her stomach grumbled then, and Dean chuckled.

"Hungry?" he asked.

"Apparently," she said. "Can we get pizza?"

"Sure," Dean said. "I'll order some right now." Dean grabbed his laptop and went to his favorite local pizza joint's website, ordering the pair of them a large pizza and some breadsticks. When he closed the laptop and put it back on the table, he looked at Alice with a soft smile. Her eyebrows furrowed, and she reached out and stroked his cheek.

"What's wrong?" she asked him.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Well," she said, "you told me I have a tell, and I realized you do too."

"Do I?" he said, somewhat amused.

"Mhm," she said. "When you smile -really smile- you get these little crinkles in the corner of your eyes. But when you're faking it-" She cut herself off and rubbed the corner of his eye with her thumb. "-they don't show. I don't see them now." Dean licked his lips and sighed.

"Just a stressful meeting," he said. "We're taking a risky move, and it's probably going to put one of my guys in danger."

"Who?" she asked.

"Jack?" Dean said, stating it as a question to see if she remembered the name.

"What's your plan?" she asked. Dean hesitated, not sure if he wanted to tell her the details of the job. When he looked down at her eyes again -soft, innocent, curious- he sighed.

"Jack's Lucifer's son," Dean said, "but they have no relationship at all. Jack lived with his mom until he was 16 and Lucifer killed her."

"Oh my god," Alice whispered. "That's horrible."

"Yeah," he said with a nod. "Lucifer was hoping by getting rid of Kelly -his mom- Jack would join his side. Instead, it completely backfired. He wanted revenge, and-" Dean scoffed. "-I'm in the business of helping people get revenge. Jack managed to track me down, and he asked if working for me would get him what he wanted."

"And what did he want?" Alice asked.

"To kill Lucifer," Dean said. She nodded, so Dean continued. "I told him it would take time, but that, yes, I could help him get some form of revenge. I didn't promise death, because I couldn't promise death. I didn't want to sign the kid up for something I couldn't guarantee. Still, he wanted in, so I let him. He didn't want Lucifer knowing he was working for me, so I promised him anonymity and safe residence at the bunker. The anonymity is important, because now, Jack's gonna go undercover in Lucifer's family. It never would've worked if Lucifer knew he worked for me. He'd ask too many questions that Jack wouldn't be able to lie his way through. So, we helped him come up with an entire fake life, and in a week, he's gonna meet with Lucifer and get on the inside."

"But you're worried," Alice deducted.

"I mean," Dean sighed, "yeah. Jack's a good kid, and if anything happened to him-" He shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. "He's like another little brother. I'd never be able to forgive myself. I just hope Lucifer takes the bait and that Jack can keep up his cover."

"You don't think he can?" she asked.

"I think this is a big job to ask a 23-year-old to do," Dean said, "and once he's in, there's only so much I'll be able to do to protect him."

Alice was quiet, the hum of Scooby-Doo still playing in the background. "I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better," she finally said, looking up at him through her eyelashes.

Dean chuckled. "Don't worry about me."

"I always worry about you," she said. "And now I'm gonna worry about Jack. You're gonna kill me with all my worrying."

"Why're you worried about Jack?" he asked.

"Because he was nice to me," she said simply. "Not a lot of people were nice to me when I met them that day, and I don't want to lose one of them."

Alice lifted her chin so she could place a kiss to Dean's lips. "You're too sweet for your own good, you know that?" he said.

"I know," she said with a smile.

When the pizza arrived, they stayed in bed and ate the entire box between the two of them. Alice hadn't realized how hungry she was until she took the first bite of pizza. She was just glad she could keep it all down. Maybe the baby was hungry too. Did babies get hungry this early?

Early. She didn't even know how far along she was. Her first appointment was on Friday of the following week, and that was when she'd find out all that she needed to know.

Dean noticed the zoned out look in her eyes. She was looking at the TV but not really watching the Mystery Gang's shenanigans. "Hey," he said, nudging her shoulder. She shook her head and looked at him. "You good?"

"Yeah," she whispered, smiling up at him. "Perfect."

----- ----- ----- -----

A/N - they never explicitly say how “old” Jack is in the show (I think at one point Dean says he’s born in 2000 but obvi he made that shit up) so I just picked 23

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[mona-stay]

First Christmas - Lucifer

Plot - Lucifer has his first Christmas with the help of y/n

Pairing - Lucifer x reader

Warnings - none, just Christmas fluff

Lucifer walked around the bunker bored. He'd already annoyed Sam and Dean to the point he was lucky they hadn't shot him yet. Cas, well it was no fun to wind Castile up. He now looking for his next source of entertainment y/n. He didn't dislike her like he did the others. When he'd be with her, living at the bunker didn't seem as daunting.

He'd looked in her room, the garage, war room, even looked in the demon dungeon. His last stop the kitchen. He smirked the smell of gingerbread was promising. "y/n" he said in a singsong tone, turning the corner.

His smile faded she wasn't in there, however his other brother Gabriel was. "if you're looking for y/n you missed her she's just gone out." he said picking up a cookie from the cooling rack.

"I don't think she's happy you eating her cookies," lucifer said back. Before Gabriel could eat it, lucifer snapped his fingers making the cookie vanish and appearing back in the rack.

Gabe pulled his tongue at lucifer "your no fun, Lucy. Y/n wouldn't have noticed she's been baking all morning. She's out in the woods if you want her" he said before grabbing another cookie and running out with it.

After waiting ten minutes to see if she'd come back, lucifer decided to go find her. On his way to the door, he saw the Winchesters packing their duffels with weapons for a case. "we're going out can you two try not to destroy the place while we're gone" Dean said.

Lucifer rolled his eyes as Gabriel laughed "no promises" he joked walking to his room.

The last thing he heard before the door shut was Sam asking Dean if leaving the two wayward angel's alone was a good idea.

He started walking through the wooded area around the back of the bunker. He knows y/n liked to walk around here when things got too much inside. In fact, she'd gotten the devil to do it a few times when he and the Winchesters were almost about to kill one another.

He was almost at a clearing in the woods when heard a strange noise. Being curious he walked towards the tapping sound. Soon he found y/n, he couldn't help but frown watching her attack the tree with an axe.

You had decided for once you and everyone at the bunker were doing Christmas properly this year. After spending the morning baking different types of treats. but they would be for later if Gabriel hasn't eaten them all.

You had also gotten some decorations too now you needed a tree to decorate. After finding the perfect tree, you got an axe from the weapons cabinet and headed into the woods.

This was something you had done as a child. Your father would take you to the mountains and let you pick a tree and chop it down. Go home drink hot chocolate while decorating the tree and making gingerbread houses.

You had been to busy focused on the tree you hadn't heard Lucifer. "what are you doing?" he said behind you. The sudden voice made you jump and you hunter instincts kicked in. You lifted the ace to head hight while spinning on the spot. Lucifer's reflexes were faster, he caught the axe handle centimetres before it hit his head.

Panting a little from the shock, you looked at him confused "what are you doing here? I could have killed you." you snapped at him, pulling the axe from his grip.

He started to laugh, "do you really think you can kill me with that toy. Why are you using the tree as target practice?" he said looking confused.

You looked at him in surprise, "you've never seen anybody chop a tree Christmas tree before" you say, taking another swing at the tree.

He didn't answer so you looked over your shoulder at him. He stood silent, you could tell something was odd. That's when it hit you he probably didn't know what Christmas was.

"you don't know what Christmas is, do you?" you asked trying not to sound pitiful. Lucifer rolled his eyes "if your talking about the bible story let me correct you" he said taking a step forward, no doubt to give you a lecture on how bad his father is.

"Nope I'm not talking about that, yes Christmas is the birth of Jesus, I mean the spirit of Christmas. Ya know the trees, lights, food, gifts, kindness" you start to say. As you say kindness, Lucifer gave you his sassy look as to say you're talking to the devil.

You smiled "well I guess it's never too late to learn, come here," you say beckoning him towards you.

As he got closer you handed him the axe. If anyone else had seen you they would have thought you crazy giving the devil a weapon, however, you knew him better and trusted him not to try and kill you with it.

You stood behind him putting his body in the right position, guiding his arms down to swing at the tree. When you felt he had the hang of it you let go and took a few steps back. You watched him hack at the tree for a few minutes if you didn't have a crush on him you'd probably be scared by how effortlessly he swung the axe.

His human vessel started running out of stamina and his pace started to slow. He stopped and looked at you, "you know I could have this thing down with a snap of my fingers!" he said lifting his hand, readying his fingers to click.

"noooo," you say running a few steps to stop him. "I'm doing this the real way, the same way my dad taught me how" you day taking the axe.

Lucifer watched as you started chopping at the tree. He hadn't heard you talk about your family much only they had died a few years ago in a werewolf attack. He noticed how her swings got harder and more clumsy in their landing. He knew she was upset but trying not to show it. "so are you going to tell me the reason for cutting down a 'Christmas tree' as you called it?" he asked both to distract y/n and to actually find out what a Christmas tree was.

After explaining the tree was going back the bunker to be decorated. "as kids we're told Santa leaves gifts under the tree for anyone who has been good" you say watching as Lucifer had taken over the axe when you had gotten tired. You heard the sound of the tree cracking "okay that enough" tell him, pulling him out the way.

A few seconds and the tree quickly fell. You jumped and laughed at the echo of the bang it made hitting the ground. Walking over to start making a plan to get it back the bunker, you fell over an exposed tree root. Lucifer saved you by wrapping his arms around you. Instead of hitting the floor you hit his hard chest.

You didn't move, only looked up at him feeling your cheeks get hot with embarrassment. He continued to hold you stirring in your eyes.

You wanted to kiss him but you also didn't want to make a move without knowing if he'd kiss you back

Lucifer sensed the hold had be awkward. Part of him didn't want to but let go and quickly changed the subject "so how are you getting this thing back to the bunker" he asked. You didn't really have a plan when you came out here, all you brought was an axe and a wood trolley, which wasn't going to be big enough to fit a whole tree on.

In the end, you agreed to let Lucifer use his powers when it came to getting the tree back to the bunker. He magiced you both and tree to the war room. A loud bang sounded as the tree hit the floor. "Hey easy with my tree" you scolded him with a jokey tone.

After spending a few minutes choosing where it was going to go, you asked Lucifer to put it in its stand while you when to get some decorations.

Lucifer stood looking at still unsure of what they were actually doing but felt good helping her get it back. Lately, y/n hadn't smiled much but really her and the Winchesters were giving blow after blow waiting for a win to come their way.

You came in with two cups of hot chocolate, topped with cream and chocolate sauce. You could feel Lucifer watching as you unpacked the lights ready to go on first. You started laughing "I really can't believe this is your first Christmas," you say handing him one end of the white lights. "Take this end and start wrapping them around the tree" you instruct him.

He went to start in the middle you had to tell him from the top. You started putting lights and a spruce garland around the staircase bannister. Looking over to see how Lucifer was doing you couldn't help but laugh. He had managed to get himself tangled in the lights.

You go over as he's trying to say he's okay and doesn't need help. You didn't listen helping him out if the entanglement of lights he'd made. "I know your narasticic but you really don't need Christmas lights to shine" you joked.

You hadn't noticed him turn to face you until you looked up coming practically nose to nose.

"only for you" he whispered to himself but being so close you still heard.

This was all new for you, the feelings for the devil. You hadn't known him before, you had only heard the stories from Sam and Dean about everything they had dealt with. But meeting him you hadn't seen the evil side to him, in fact, you were 99% certain only you had seen Lucifer the way he was now carefree and with his devil persona hidden.

You didn't know what to say and shyness took over making you duck out from under his arm and free him from the lights. Lucifer didn't look bothered, he just smiled and said thanks before you both put the lights on the tree.

You got your drink knowing it would be cool enough to have now when you heard Lucifer say "I'll plug this in now!"

You jumped up almost spilling your hot chocolate pulling it off him "no the lights don't go on till the tree is finished and the rest of the decorating is done" you explain.

He frowned but did as you said. You were right this was his first Christmas and it was all new to him.

He walked to the table deciding he'd just copy everything you did now. So just like you, he picked up his drink, sipping away. As an angel he didn't have tease buds, meaning he didn't taste the chocolate or cream but drank it anyway hoping you wouldn't notice.

He found it strange how he'd go out of his way for her in small ways. Whether it was pretending to enjoy a meal or staying up all night watching TV when she couldn't sleep. Gabriel had teased him before about it saying he had a feeling for her but Lucifer argued back saying that was a human emotion so he couldn't possibly. After today after holding her, enjoying a human activity with her made him doubt everything the thought about feelings and emotions.

"Hey these baubles ain't gonna hang themselves, come on!" you shouted making him snap out whatever thought he was having. You started taking out the silver and blue baubles. Lucifer watched you hang the first two, he picked one up looking at it. It shined in the light and had a small bit of string.

"Just pick a branch and hang it," you say encouraging him to do it. Everyone he went to hang one he'd first if it was okay here at whatever branch he held the bauble by. It didn't take to long to get the tree finished. It would have taken less time if Lucifer hadn't been messing around.

"Hey y/n, do you think these earrings suit me?" he asked. When you turned around he had two silver giltter baubles hanging from his ears. Another Lucifer distraction came when he got a string of tinsel and wrapped it around you, as he did he used it to pull you closer. "I wanted to make you look festive," he said in a teasing tone with a flirty smile.

Soon all your work was complete and the bunker kinda looked like a grotto. Even fireplace had six stockings pinned into the wooden frame, each with everyone's initials on.

Lucifer still didn't understand the point of wasting 2 hours doing that to a tree but it made you happy. And even if he didn't understand the meaning he actually enjoyed it, "So what's next on your Christmas to-do list?" he asked.

You looked up smirking "gingerbread houses with Christmas movies" you answered. You both went into the kitchen collecting the biscuits you had baked this morning. Back in the war room, you set the ingredients I to separate bowls as Lucifer set up the TV and DVD.

When you were ready you started the movie marathon with your favourite Christmas film. The pair of you started your houses, it took you a few minutes to explain to Lucifer how to use the icing to glue the gingerbread together.

The movie you had seen a thousand times so you spent most of it concentrating on your house. You were laughing at him, his face screwed with concentration as he piped the icing. "who'd of thought I'd be spending Christmas eve making gingerbread houses with the devil" you said before stopping yourself.

He turned looking disappointed "isn't this what you want to we can do something else or I can leave you to it," he said half-heartedly.

You shook your head, "no" you said a little to fast. "I wanted to do this all December, I'm glad your here too. I just didn't think this would be your thing" you say hoping to cover your enthusiasm of wanting him here.

"well it's better than listening to Cas go on about something stupid and I got to play with an axe so it's not all bad," he said. You smiled at him picking back up your piping bag.

"however it does need an injection of fun!" Lucifer said.

As you looked up questioning how a fist full of icing sugar hit you in the face. You stood up with your mouth open in shock. Lucifer took one look at the white patch on your face and bust out laughing at his handy work." oh you think that's funny" you say squinting pink icing at him. He tried to block your attack with one hand while grabbing a fist full of sweets to throw at you. Soon enough a food fight broke out.

In a matter of ten minutes, the room looked like a sugared bombsite. You and Lucifer laid on the floor laughing and panting out of breath. "Sam and Dean are going to kill us," you say sitting up seeing the damage around, thinking how could you ever get it all clean before the boys where back. You heard a click behind you, turning to see Lucifer with his hands up smiling at you. As you looked back around all the mess had gone the sweets were back in the bowls and both houses completed.

"I so need that power then it comes to doing the dishes" you joked before saying thanks. It wasn't often Lucifer used his powers, especially as they weren't fully restored yet.

Lucifer watched as you got up and left the room. He hadn't felt so happy before, he started thinking maybe he should tell y/n how he feels or whatever it was he was feeling about her. His thoughts stopped as you came back in with two heavy looking bin bags.

"is the next tradition burying a body?" he joked as he helped you pull them into the room.

"Nope," you say popping the p sound. "this is everyone's Christmas presents," you say with a big smile pound you'd kept them all hidden.

You started filling up the stockings with small gifts leaving the others under the tree.

Lucifer was stunned to see a couple for him "you got me a gift" he said sound puzzled. He hadn't had a gift before unless you counted the mark or being tossed out of hell. So naturally, he hadn't thought about them before. He certainly hadn't expected anyone on earth to get him one.

Of course, I did, Christmas is about giving to your loved ones and you come into that category so yeah I got you something like I did for everyone else " you say smiling up at him.

The words loved ones hit Lucifer like a brick. Did that mean she had feelings for him too? or was she just being kind? like she always is. The questions ran through his mind like a wave. He hadn't noticed that he hadn't spoken or moved in a few minutes.

You stood up, seeing him deep in thought. "you okay?" you ask gently touching his arm. Lucifer jumped a little making you giggle, had you just scared the devil? Lucifer nodded smiling down at you.

As you looked up you noticed a piece of mistletoe hanging above him. Taking it as the perfect opportunity for you to try and kiss him. Standing on your tiptoes you lightly pressed your lips to his.

Lucifer froze. He didn't know what to say. "what was that for?" he asked when your heels landed back on the floor.

You kinda felt embarrassed, he didn't look like he enjoyed it. "mistletoe" you say pointing up at the plant. "if two people are under it they kiss" you say before trying to walk away fast.

Lucifer smiled saying "oh, and here was me thinking you wanted to kiss me," said. You stopped and looked at him. You couldn't tell if he looked sad or not, without meaning to say it aloud "I did" you whispered.

You felt your arm being pulled, the unexpected force pulled you back into him. "good because so have I for a while now" he said before kissing you. This kiss wasn't weird like the peck you gave him, it was passionate and heated and everything you had both wanted.

When you stopped you didn't know what to say, the bell of the clock behind rang meaning it was midnight. "merry Christmas" you said making you both laugh.

"Merry Christmas y/n," he said back before kissing you again. "I guess I'm gonna have to keep this mistletoe with me at all times if I get kisses like that" he joked.

You shook your head laughing, "you don't need mistletoe just to kiss me" you say back. With that, he smirked picking you up and carrying you to the couch. The pair of you laid there kissing and cuddling watching Christmas movies until you both fell asleep.

Hours later, Sam, Dean and cas came back. To their surprise the bunker was fully decorated "looks like y/n had fun" Sam said looking at the lights and tree.

"Sam! Look presents" Dean said running over to see what ones were for him. Before Sam had to pull him away reminding him of how he can't open them till you were there.

"I don't know I'm surprised with more the gifts or decorations," cas said still looking around the rooms.

"how about the two turtledoves on the couch," Gabriel said appearing out of nowhere. Cas looked at him confused but looked to where Gabe was pointing.

On the couch was Lucifer and y/n cuddled up asleep with a blanket wrapped around them. "well it's about time" Dean said. Sam looked at him "what I'm sick of her giving him the puppy dog eyes" Dean added.

"let's leave them be," Gabriel said ushering them out the room. He turned at took one last look, hoping finally his brother will be happy and y/n will be the one to show how to be.

[ltleflrt]

Ltleflrt’s Writing Year in Review

Once again I felt like I could do more this year, so this is the theme for the decade.  But I got SO MUCH DONE too!  And more than I did last year, so I’m happy to see an improvement :D

Total 2019 Word Count: 215,491 Total 2019 Kudos: 7,581 Total 2019 Hits: 63,620

My 2019 Fics:

Dreaming in Digital: 173,818 words (44,142 from 2019)

When Dean finds a deactivated sex bot, he knows it’s his lucky day.

Set in a Cyberpunk world where global warming and climate change has driven most of the human population into domed cities, Sam and Dean hunt rogue tech and science experiments gone wrong in the shadows, protecting the lives of those the government doesn't care about anymore. On a trip to the dump to scavenge for valuables Dean finds Castiel, an Angel Industries sex bot, which is worth his weight in credits. But when he turns the sex bot on, he learns that Castiel is sentient.

Artificial Intelligence is illegal, and for good reason, but Cas doesn't put off dangerous vibes. That doesn't stop Sam from researching his creators while Dean's off making friends with the android. If there's someone out there creating a robot army unconstrained by the 3 rules of robotics, Sam's going to make sure the operation is shut down for good.

Castiel just wants to exist. He wants to read and work in the Winchester's greenhouse and have movie nights with Dean. But he also wants to understand. Himself. His unexpected reaction to Dean. What it it means to feel.

I started this fic in February 2018, and finished it in April 2019.  As of this post, it is the longest thing I’ve ever written.  And definitely the hardest thing I’ve ever written.  You know that saying about blood, sweat, and tears?  So true. (the blood was from a cat scratch when Kitty Cas tried to jump in my lap while I was writing and I got clawed, but it counts!)  I am proud of the results, even if I got tired of it and cut out a bunch of stuff I wanted to do.  2020 goal is some timestamps!

Where The Heart Lives: 12,876 words

Home is where the heart is, but it's nice to have a cozy little love nest too.

A collection of related short ficlets without a plot. Just small glimpses of Dean and Castiel being happy and in love.

This was a 30 day art challenge called Cottagetober, that I turned into writing prompts and added a 31st day since it was an October thing and I wanted a ficlet for every day.  Writing these fluffy snippets every day made me very happy, and I think I might do something similar in 2020 if I can find a list that sparks joy.

Reunited: 2,681 words

Castiel has changed a lot in the 10 years since he was a shy bookworm in High School. But it seems like few of his previous schoolmates have grown up much, if the revival of the rumor mill as soon as he walked in is any indication.

Dean Winchester certainly grew up, though. And he seems far more interested in Castiel than the rumors.

Written as a prompt from  @melilovesmakeup-blog, this little fic spawned much joy, and inspired a prequel from @bendingsignpost, which is honestly so dang flattering.  I love this little universe, and I’m heckin’ glad I randomly decided to take prompts.

Cloud Nine: 2,254 words

“Hey, angel.” Dean’s voice is warm with love and pride, and it makes Castiel squirm in his bindings. “You think you can take more?”

I love finding new ways to write non-traditional a/b/o!  One day I was driving around, and thought you know what I need?  Dom!Omega!Dean and sub!Alpha!Cas.  Not a lot of it out there yet, so had to write it myself.  And I really want to revisit this and write a prequel.  I Have Ideas!

The Git (you) Up: 1,323 words

Dean's been crushing on his new neighbor across the street from afar. When he gets an invitation to a neighborhood BBQ, he's finally going to meet the hottie. Now if only he can get the courage to talk to him.

I saw a ridiculously cute video on the internet and I was inspired!

Burning For You: 1,998 words 

Due to their busy schedules, Sam and Eileen hire a wedding planner. As Best Man, Dean steps in to help as much as he can. The fact that Castiel is gorgeous and immune to the dangers of Dean's touch is a bonus.

Another prompt!  I do prompts like never, but I’m so glad I did and got this one.  I had an immediate, and visceral need to write this fic as soon as I saw the ask, so thank you very much @alessariel!  This prompt was for both of us! :D

To Build A Bower: 633 words

Dean decorates his home to attract a mate.

Look.  Look.  I just really fuckin’ love bower birds okay?  Okay.  Thanks for the prompt @zarauthforsaken!

Special Delivery:  2,012 words

Castiel accidentally gets a package meant for his sexy neighbor.

Another prompt! From @queenandthree <3 

Fun story about this fic, the premise was originally going to be used in Satin and Sawdust, but got discarded.  I’m thrilled I found a reason to use it in a short story!

Work Life Balance: 2,227 words

As leader of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse, one of Dean's duties is to balance Order with Entropy, and enforce the will of the Fates. When Castiel's nature as the demigod of War urges him to destroy more than he should, he seeks out Dean's council.

A prompt from @kazshero!  I have had Four Horsemen headcanons for years, and could never come up with a story for it until I got this prompt.  Super grateful for it!  Death!Dean is my jam :D

The Menagerie: 1,452 words

Baby the Pegasus is giving birth to her first foal. Dean and Castiel are there to help her through it.

A prompt fill for @nickelkeep!  An excuse to turn Baby into a pegasus!  FLUFF! <3

A Trip To The Beach: 734 words

Camp Counselors Dean and Cas take the kids on a field trip to the beach.

Yes, this was definitely based on a conversation I had with @jupiterjames.  When I got the prompt from my bestie, I *had* to make it about us lol

Quoth the... Wait that's not a Raven: 930 words

Dean, Castiel, and Sam are paranormal investigators. Tonight's haunted spot is a Pet Store.

A prompt from @purgatory-jar!  And to be honest, I may revisit this idea with something longer someday.  Writing TFW as paranormal investigators is too much fun to pass up :D

Hunter's Caress: 142,229 words (WIP)

Castiel Jameson won't rest until the outlaw who murdered his brother faces justice, and Dean Winchester is the only man alive who can help him track the villain down. Some say Winchester is a cold-blooded killer himself; others say he'd been wronged his whole life. All Castiel knows is that the desire glinting in Dean's green eyes is even more dangerous than he is. Castiel fights to keep his mind on business, but during the long nights on the trail with the dangerously handsome hunter he finds himself dreaming of yielding to Dean's illicit kisses and losing himself in lawless passion.

Dean Winchester is about to hang when Castiel saves his neck with his crazy plan. But dying might be better than spending day and night playing nursemaid to such an infuriating city slicker. He appreciates the stubborn detective's desire for justice, but he'd appreciate Cas a lot more if he'd stop being a lawman long enough to just be a man. He certainly has all the right equipment. Dean aches to run his fingers through Castiel's dark hair, yearns to know how Castiel's golden skin will feel against him. And before the coming of the next dawn, Dean vows to teach him the pleasures and sweet rewards of a Hunter's Caress.

I’ve had this idea since the first year I started writing Destiel fic, and it’s been sitting in my WIP folder since 2014.  I don’t want to be done writing Destiel, but I’ve been struggling with my writing for about 2 years now, and I’m afraid it will only get worse when the show ends and the fandom starts to slow down without new content.  I figure if I don’t do this story now, it’ll never get done.  And that’s unacceptable, because this has been on my mind for far too long to let it never see the light of day.  Of all of my stories, this one is the most For Myself thing I’ve ever written.  And based on the way it’s going, it’s probably going to overtake Dreaming in Digital as my longest fic by the time it’s done lol

[maxineswritingcenter]

Beauty and the Beast AU! - Demon!Dean Winchester x fem!reader part 4

Read part 3 here!

This is my second time posting this because Tumblr hates me.

Summary: You are seen as the oddball around town, you're into books and other nerdy things that the small town you were raised in just don't get. You dream of going on the road and having adventures, but it's unlikely you can because you don't have a lot of money. Your father runs a house renovating business and goes to a job in the spooky abandoned house in the woods. You see where I'm going from here.

----

Later that night, I started reading. Looking into any book I could get my hands on that mentioned anything about a sacrifice of the heart. After Dean showed them the video, Sam and Castiel also searched. I was getting more and more frustrated.

"This is so stupid!" I shouted and slammed another book shut. I held my head in my hands, fresh tears filling my eyes.

"Did you find something?" Sam asked, looking up from his laptop.

"Barely. All that I found was one thing. But it's so damn vague that it's making my head hurt trying to understand it." My breathing got quicker, "All it says is that a sacrifice of the heart is made in dire need and is permanent. Nothing on how to perform it or how to undo it." I shook my head, getting more and more frustrated and confused. It hurt to breathe and it felt like my head was going to explode.

Dean, who had been standing in the corner and watched them all, moved to place a hand on my shoulder and squeezed lightly.

"It's okay... We'll figure it out." He said. I took deep breaths, reaching up and holding onto his hand.

"I'm just trying to get over the fact that angels have been living in town." I sighed.

Sam looked at the us, then refocused, "Well that and we have to figure out why they wanted your mom in the first place. They wanted her to have a baby but what does that mean?"

Castiel looked at us from across the room, several scrolls under his arm, "She was chosen to bear the savior."

"The second coming? Really?" Crowley asked, clearly more interested now, "That would cause chaos. It would kick start the rapture when he came of age."

"Hold on." I said, rubbing my temples, "Are you telling me that my mother was chosen to give birth to Jesus?"

"Precisely." Castiel nodded, "Once he was born, it would only be a matter of time before the apocalypse would begin once more."

Dean crossed his arms over his chest, "But since her mom isn't here it won't happen, right?"

Castiel looked at me solomly, "I'm afraid not. Like your vessels, it's passed down through generations. You said Michael was always trying to get you alone?" I nodded slowly, not prepared to hear what she had already feared.

"It's me? I'm... I'm supposed....?" I whispered. Castiel only nodded.

"Well, didn't realize we were in the presence of the new Virgin Mary." Crowley held up a glass to me, "Cheers, love."

"There is no way in hell that's happening." Dean said, "I'll kill every damn angel in that town before I let Michael lay a finger on her."

"We won't let it happen, Dean." Sam said, "We can't let it happen."

Dean was fuming mad, his eyes flickered black but only for a moment.

I stood up, "Guys, let's just calm down for right now. Castiel was talking about antiangel engravings on your ribs, I'll get them too. But just for tonight... Let's just relax. And have a beer because I really need something." I let out a small chuckle.

Sam smiled, "That's a great idea. I'll get dinner started."

"I will do more research." Castiel walked to the hallway, scrolls to be read.

"And I'll get in touch with a few associates. They could dig something up." Crowley made his way out of the room.

-

I was in my room, picking out something nice to where for dinner. It was supposed to be a relaxing night and I wanted to look my best with what was given. My only bra and undies had been washed so I put those one and opted for a large Metallica t-shirt, I tied it on the side so it appeared more form fitting. After rummaging through the closets of this place I had actually found a black bell shaped skirt that probably had not been worn since the 1950s, but it wasn't eaten by moths so there was that. It actually fit pretty well. My sneakers, who had been through it all, still decided to hold together. I took a deep breath and fixed my hair the best I could. Makeup just wasn't an option. But I had decent eyelashes and I seem to have been getting away with only wearing a tinted chapstick that was loose in my bag. I looked at my outfit, wringing my hands together. Why was I so nervous about looking good? Was it Dean? Just the thought of his name made my heart flutter. Who would have thought... That brute was kind of.... Growing on me. Like a fungus. But a handsome fungus. A dangerous fungus. I should stop calling him a fungus.

I took a deep breath and walked out the door. The guys were in the kitchen, clearly talking around the island. But the conversation halted as I entered. Sam patted Dean's shoulder lightly to get his attention. And when he looked at me I felt my cheeks go hot. Dean's eyes widened and his jaw clenched. He moved towards me, stopping a few inches in front of me. He lifted his hand, then lowered it.

"You look uh..." He stuttered.

"Yes?" I asked patiently.

"Uh...." Dean looked back at Sam who was giving him the thumbs up.

"Uh dinner's ready." He said. I heard Sam sigh loudly.

-

Dinner was great, Sam made spaghetti and it was pretty good. Not as good as Dean's cooking though. Dean had found an old radio in a back room and decided to turn it on. The old thing still worked.

He turned up the volume and grinned, "There we go!" He clapped his hands together. Dean was into classic rock and metal bands, so when AC/DC came on he seemed pretty excited.

"She was a fast machine. She kept her motor clean. She was the best damn woman I had ever seen." He sang along with the song, pointing at me. He could actually sing, he had a deep smooth voice. I laughed, getting into the rhythm of the song. He grabbed my hand and brought me to the middle of the room. He twirled me around and brought me close. One hand held mine while the other was on my waist. I grinned, following his lead. At the chorus he wrapped his arms around my waist and lifted me up, swaying along with the beat. I giggled and held on to his shoulders.

"And we were making it and you! Shook me all night long!" He brought me back down, twisting and swaying and dipping me back until the song came to an end. I was out of breath but I was laughing. I looked up at him and watched him grin. He was having fun and he was happy. I wondered if that's what he was like before the mark.

"I think I need some air." I panted, going to the table and grabbing my glass of water.

"I'll go with ya." Dean said. I nodded and followed him up the stairs. I turned back, seeing Sam, Castiel and Crowley look away after they were very obviously staring.

We went out on the porch. As soon as the cool air hit me I shivered. I should have grabbed a jacket.

"Here." Dean said, shrugging off his green army jacket and helping me out it on. It was warm and comfy. It didn't have that sulfer smell but something different. Like pine and soft leather. We stood there for a moment, just looking out into the sky. There was a full moon, it's light made the snow sparkle.

"I haven't had that much fun in a while. Almost forgot..." He said after a long time. I looked up at him and smiled. He looked into my eyes, slowly moving closer. My breath hitched in my throat as he slide his hand against my cheek. It was warm and rough from callouses, but that didn't bother me. Then he blinked and pulled his hand away, shaking his head. The loss made my shoulders slump.

"It's crazy," he chuckled, "Thinking you could want anything to do with someone like me."

"I wouldn't say that..." I whispered. He looked down at me, almost shocked.

"Really? You would want to stay here?" He asked. I bit my lip and thought about it. If I would stay, it would still be as a prisoner really. I wouldn't be able to leave.

"Could anyone be happy if they weren't free?" I said, looking away.

"My dad used to take me to those daddy-daughter dances. I used to step on his toes a lot." I changed the subject.

"You must miss him." He said, he sounded so sad and disappointed.

"Yeah... A lot." I said.

"Would you want to see him?" He asked making me perk up.

-

Dean brought me to his room. It was messy but it was still his. In his nightstand there was a hand held mirror. The frame and handle were made of a dark polished wood. There were intricate vines and flowers carved into the surface. The mirror reflected my and Dean's image.

"Just say who you want to see and if they're by a reflective surface, you can see them." He said, handing it to me.

"I want to see my father." I said to the mirror. Amazingly the mirrors imaged clouded and wobbled. But soon it cleared, it looked like the glass window from the bar in town. There was a large group of people led by Michael. He had my father handcuffed, he had a black eye and his lip was bleeding.

"Give me your blessing, old man. I would prefer to have it before I take your daughter anyway."

My dad spit at Michael's feet. Michael glared and slapped him across the face, knocking him over. I gasped and touched the image.

"What are they doing to him?!" I shouted, anger rushing through me. Dean was silent, only for a moment.

"You have to go." He said.

I looked back at him, turning fully to face him, "What?"

"You got to go now. You don't have a lot of time." He pulled my car keys from his pocket and held them out to me. I took the keys and tried to give him the mirror back.

"Take it." He said, "Maybe look in on us every once in a while." He smirked but it didn't reach his eyes. I nodded, leaning up and pressing a kiss to his cheek.

"Thank you." I said and ran down the hall and up the stairs. I left the abandoned house, got into my car and sped down the road back to town.

Dean watched her leave, a thickness settling into his chest again. He growled and let out a roar, his eyes flickering black. He angerly knocked everything off the side table on the ground. The lamp shattered on impact with the concrete floor. A dark rage came over him as he left the room and down the hall. He went to the axe in the glass case on the wall. He punched the glass with his whole fist, the glass shattered beneath his knuckles. He yanked the axe free from it's holster and marched down the hall.

Sam ran to see the trouble, "What-" he stopped, backing away from Dean with his arms up. Dean shoved passed him with his shoulder, going back into his room and smashing everything insight.

-------------------------------------------------

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[charliesshitposts]

Supernatural Omens (part two)

The nice and inaccurate prophecies of someone.somewhere about something that never happened. A fan fiction.

Warnings: None. :) Feel free to read this in front of your family and pets.

Word Count: Idk but it will probably take you 20-30 minutes to read. Maybe less. This chapter is much shorter than the first one,I think.

_______________________________________________________________________

  Jack, once on the other side of the portal, felt sick to his stomach. He collapsed onto the floor behind Crowley’s chair. His groans weren’t heard from the boys. They were to busy complimenting Crowley on how nice his apartment was.Crowley didn't see him either as he was too busy proudly thanking them. But Aziraphale did notice.

  Once the boy collapsed the angel rushed to his aid.He laid Jack on his back and ever so slightly leveled him up. He laid his free hand over Jack’s stomach and said “Don’t worry. I’ll fix you right up. You wont feel a thing.” Within seconds Jack was sat upright feeling much better. He looked at Aziraphale in surprise.

  “I do feel better.”he stated.”Thank you. I guess angels everywhere have the same gift.”

  Aziraphale smiled widely.”You’re welcome.I guess we do. Jack, is it?”

  Jack nodded.”Yes sir.”

  Dean,Sam,Cas and Crowley gathered around them. Sam looked down at Jack worriedly. “What happened?”

  “My stomach was hurting.”He explained while the angel helped him to his feet.”But Aziraphale made it go away.” 

  “Thank you for helping him.” Dean said.”Now too business. What's our next move?”

  “Well-”Began Aziraphale.”We don’t really have a next move. But until we think of something I think it’s best if we split up. I’ll take Sam and Jack here back to my book shop. Dean,you and Castiel stay with Crowley. That is assuming he wants company.”

  “No I do I do.”Replied Crowley.”It’ll be fun. Dean here looks like he could use a drink. What will it be,Dean? Wine? Whisky?”

  “Neither.” Dean replied.

  “Well we’ll find something that peaks your interest. And Castiel. What will you be having?”

  “Nothing.”Said Cas.”I don’t eat either.”  

  “Alrighty well I’m sure we’ll be fine.Go on now Aziraphale. Keep in touch.”

  “We will.”answered the angel. “I’m just going to need your house phone to call a Taxi.”

  “By all means darling,go ahead.” After the Taxi arrived Sam,Jack and Aziraphale left for the book shop.Later Jack would tell Dean how beautiful he thought The United Kingdom was. The people he met were incredibly nice too.He liked the buildings and parks in particular. Especially the parks with duck ponds.

  Crowley grabbed two more chairs and brought them to his desk. He asked Dean what his alcoholic drink of preference was. When Dean replied with ‘beer’, Crowley thought of it as a rather bland drink, thus thinking that Dean was a rather bland person.But remembering what Aziraphale had taught him about what to do when he had company, he swallowed his comments.

  Cas had gotten into the habit of opening Deans beers for him. It started out as something nice he occasionally did but later on became a habit. Cas didn’t mind. Neither did Dean.  The seraph popped the bottle cap off and handed it over to his favorite human. Dean took a swig and smiled.

  The three strangers sat in silence for a long time. Crowley looked from Dean to Cas. He racked his brain trying to think of something to talk about. But he suddenly remembered he needed to take care of something. He rose from his chair and excused himself for a moment. “I need to check on my house plants.” He didn’t wait for them to answer. As he walked towards his house plants he grabbed a spray bottle off a table by the doorway.

Once alone, Cas let out a huge sigh.”Things seem fine so far.”

  “See.”Dean smiled.”Look, i’m going to be honest with you. When I first met Crowley I thought the same thing you did. Heck, I still do. But Aziraphale trusts him. That should be enough for us to trust him too.”

  “It’s partly that but..theres something else thing too.”Dean leaned in to persuade Cas to continue talking.”He scares me.” The Seraph admitted.”He’s probably the first creature we meet who's ever scared me. I can’t look him in the eyes without shaking. Without feeling weak or naked,even.I don’t know what it is.”

Dean was about to open his mouth to speak but was interrupted by the sound of rumbling leaves. From the corridor they could hear Crowley threaten his house plants. The realization that the plants were terrified of the demon made Cas’ skin crawl. They watched as Crowley strode back to where they were.”You gentleman are more than welcome to turn on the television. The remote is right there on the desk. I just need to do something. Then I’ll be with you.” Crowley walked with his whole body. Meaning that when his feet moved,his hips move too. So did his arms. Even his head leaned back a little to give the walk style. Castiel raised his eyebrows, somewhat impressed. Dean clicked away at the remote.

“The only thing on right now is the news.”

“Leave it on.” Castiel Said.”Maybe they’ll say something interesting.”

“Alright. If you consider how to make a 3 layered chocolate fudge cake interesting.”

“As a matter of fact I do. I’ve been thinking of getting into baking.”

Dean smiled thoughtfully. “You could make me pies.”

Castiel smiled.”I could make you pies.”

Crowley came to meet them. He held an empty pot in his hand.”Sorry about that boys. If I don’t yell at them they’ll never learn. What are we watching?”

“The news.” Dean said.”It’s in a baking segment.”

“Ah I see.” The phone suddenly ringing made the three jump.”I’ll get it boys. You keep watching the baking show.” Crowley picked up the receiver.”Talk to me baby.” After a few minutes agreeing and disagreeing he hung up and turned to Dean and Castiel.”Time for a road trip fellas. Have any of you ever been to an ex convent?”

—————————————————————————————————————

“Your brother,the boy and Aziraphale will be there too. They’re taking a taxi to meet with us.”

“Good.” Dean nodded.”You’re car is really nice. What kind is it?”

“A 1926 Bentley. This car is my pride and joy. Well it shares my pride and joy with my flat.”

Dean looked at Crowley with admiration.”I know the feeling. Our bunker may not mean a lot to me but my car does.”

“What do you drive?”

“A 1967 Chevy Impala.”

“The Impala is an excellent car model. It goes fast but you can’t feel it.”

“I can feel it.” Cas chimed in. He sat in the backseat holding for his dear life. Crowley was going 100 miles in downtown London. Cas was surprised they hadn’t hit anyone. Dean looked sympatheticly at the Seraph. Crowley picked up the conversation again.

“Music?”

“Sure. What do you have in here to listen to?”

“Guns n’ Roses. AC/DC. Bon Jovi.”

“Guns n’ Roses it is.” They continued their chat with Welcome to the Jungle playing lowly on the radio.

___________________________________________________________________

Aziraphale anxiously checked his watch. It was very unlike Crowley to be late or to arrive somewhere before he did. At the rate he drived Crowley was always early. Sam swayed back and forth on his feet next to the angel. He was worried about Dean and Castiel. And at Sams feet sat Jack. Aziraphale had given him permission to take a book to read along the way. He planned on giving it to him as a gift later on. Jack had picked Sherlock Holmes. He sat oblivious,submerged into the pages of the book.

“It’s very unlike him to be late.” Aziraphale said.

“Don’t worry. They’ll be here.” Sam assured. As if on cue the black Bentley came into view. Sam and Aziraphale sighed in relief.

The car stopped at the curb where they were waiting. Crowley came out and was greeted by an upset Aziraphale. His arms were crossed against his chest.

“Can you explain why you’re late?!” The angel asked.

Crowley wrapped an arm around Aziraphale.”Aw come on now don’t be so sour. I’m here aren’t I? The traffic in central London is hectic.”

“Yeah.” Dean said.”We needed to slow down because Cas was getting vertigo.”

“I didn’t know Cas could get vertigo.”

“Neither did I. So why are we here?”

Aziraphale cleared his throat.”Right. I’m sure Crowley told you that this place used to be a convent/hospital.The son of the antichrist was switched with another baby here. The family he was placed in wasn’t the one we were taking care of all these years. We hope that someone here kept the hospital birth records. If we can access them we can look for the records for the exact day and year he was born in. We find that,we find the parents and we find the boy.”

“That’s brilliant.” Castiel said.

“Thank you.” Smiled Aziraphale.”Shall we?”

The six of them walked through th courtyard and into the building. Most of the hallways were empty,which made things much easier for them. Castiel kept both his hands on Jacks shoulders to steer him while he read. He worried that if he didn’t do so Jack could hit a wall. Or walk into a different hallway and get caught. Sam looked at Aziraphale.

“Do you think this is going to work?” Sam asked.

Crowley answered for the angel.”I know it’s going to work.”

“Okay...but I mean you have a backup plan in case this doesn’t work?”

“Nope. Because i know this is going to work.”

“You can’t be so cocky Crowley. What if it doesn’t.”

“It will.”

“But What if it doesn’t?”

Crowley growled. Through clenched teeth he said.”It will.”

“But-“

“Sammy.” Dean warned.

Sam looked at his brother.”All im saying is-“ Sam was cut off when Crowley grabbed him from his collar and pulled him in. They’re faces were inches apart.Crowley hissed.

“Listen to me boy. I can be easy going if you don’t test me. If I were you i’d find my place and stay put. You really don’t want to see me when I’m mad.”

“You don’t scare me.” Sam smirked.

Crowley glared. Aziraphale walked over to break up the fight but was caught off guard when Crowley’s head turned into a snakes head. He hissed terribly loud in Sams face. All the color in the younger Winchester’s face drained,leaving him pale white. Dean,Jack and Castiel all had the same reaction. They stepped back a few feet. Aziraphale didn’t flinch.

“Now was that really necessary?”Aziraphale scolded.

“Yes it was.” Crowley said,now back to normal.”And that goes for each of you. Know your place.”

  Aziraphale rolled his eyes. He turned his attention to the four who accompanied them.”I hope he didn't; startle you too much.”

  Dean smiled.”Nah we’re okay. Sam and I have both seen the devils actual face. By this point nothing scares us.”

  “Yeah.”Sam said. He was now standing next to his brother.

  A woman dressed nicely walked up the hallway towards them. As she drew closer she asked if they needed help with anything. Crowley turned and said “Yes actually we do.”

  “We’ll i’ll be happy to..oh dear! It’s Master Crowley.”she turned to leave but a snap of Crowley’s fingers made her freeze. She involuntarily turns around. The boys, the seraph and the nephilim watch Crowley and Aziraphale interrogate her.

  “Would you mind answering a few questions, love?”

  “Yes.”replied the woman, who was under a trance.

  “Very well.”The Demon began.”Were you or were you not a nun here a few years ago?”

  “Yes. My name was Sister Loquacious.”

  “Ah yes I remember. Were you here during the night of the switch between the a  baby and the antichrists son?” 

  “Yes. I was.”

  “Excellent.” said Aziraphale.”Did you by any chance save the birth records before the convent was shut down?”

  “Sadly no.” Said Mrs. Loquacious.”All of those files were lost in the fire. Oddly the fire started the same night we were all let go. As if someone said they no longer needed the convent and everything inside of it.”

  “DAMMIT!” shouted Crowley. “DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!” 

  “Thank you very much ma’am.”Aziraphale said. He snapped his fingers, pulling her out of the trance. By the time she assimilated what had happened, the six were already gone.

________________________________________________________________

  The car ride home wasn’t pleasant. Crowley wouldn’t stop complaining about his bad luck. The boys were actually impressed with Aziraphale. Crowley would cuss and shout but Aziraphale would always respond to him calmly. Thanks to him the car ride was tolerable.It was also thanks to him that the car now had enough room for everyone. Sam,Dean and Was road in the middle. Jack rode in the extension back seat behind them. Aziraphale had whipped it up with a simple eye blink.

  The angel and the demon were so distracted by their conversation that they didn't notice the bike rider coming towards them. 

  “I need a good long bath followed by a nap to help me get over all this disappointment. Is there any chance you can house Castiel and Dean tonight?”

  “I was going to offer anyway. There’s plenty of space where I live to accommodate them.”

  “Good.” Crowley sighed loudly.”I still don’t see a silver lining in our situation.”

  “How about we play music to help with the stress. Sound good boys.”

  “I wouldn’t mind listening to the rest of that Guns n’ Roses album.” Dean said.”Let’s just try not to play it so loudly. Sam and Jack are asleep.”

  “Okay. Just press that button right there Aziraphale.” Crowley pointed to the button he was talking about. In that second he took his eyes off the road.

  “CROWLEY WATCH OUT!” Castiel screamed. But it was too late. The front of the Bentley struck the bike rider. She was thrown a few feet away into the grass. Aziraphale and Castiel ran out to aid her. She groaned as Aziraphale lifted up her wrist.It was broken.

  “Ah ah.”Aziraphale warned.”Try not to move sweetheart. You’ll only make it worse. I’ll fix that up right away.” The second she could move her wrist she gasped in surprise.

  “How did you do that?” She asked.

  “No time for that. Let us help you to your feet.”

  Castiel held her steady by the elbow.”Does anything else hurt,miss?”

  “No. My head hurts a little but i’ll be okay.”

  “Let us give you a ride home.”  Aziraphale offered.

  “That would be great, thank you.”

  From inside the Bentley Crowley protested.”Nope.No no way.”

  “Don’t listen to him. He’s just having a bad day.Get inside now. Watch your head” She helped her into the car.She took a seat next to Jack.

  “Aziraphale.” said Castiel.”Her bike. It wont fit in the car.”

  “It will fit in the bike rack.”

  “What bike rack?” The bicycle disappeared from in front of Crowley. It was now safe placed on the back of the Bentley in a bike rack that hadn’t been there before. Both the angel and the seraph got back into the car. When they asked the girl where too she gave directions to her house in a village not that far away. They road in silence. It was at this moment that the girl placed the book on the floor by her feet. She didn’t realize it then, but there was another book right next to hers.

  The car pulled around the side of her house, stopping at her gate. When she stepped out of the car her bike was already against the fence of her house. She thanked the strange men for the lift, reached in and grabbed what she thought was her book, and closed the door. The car drove off without a glance.

  ________________________________________________________________   Crowley was kind enough to leave them in front of Aziraphale’s book shop. This place doubled as the angels home. Not that Aziraphale slept or anything. In the back room where his personal belongings were,the angel had set up mattresses on the floor. He felt absolutely ashamed of it.

“I do apologize for this last minute set up. I don’t own a bed frame. And if I were to whip 3 up there will be no space for us to walk.”

“No it’s okay.” Castiel smiled.”What you’ve done is really nice.”

“Yeah.” Dean said.”I like it. They look comfy. It kinda looks like a sleep over.”

Sam would have agreed but he was already asleep in his mattress. The warm blankets wrapped around him. Jack was sitting upright on his mattress having a panic attack. Aziraphale looked at him worriedly.”Everything okay,son?”

“No.” Said Jack as he stood up and walked towards the angel.”No everything isn’t fine. This book isn’t my book. My book was Sherlock Holmes. Not this. I lost it Aziraphale. I lost your book. I’m so so so sorry! I’ll pay for it. I’ll find a way to get money and pay for it. I’m really sorry-“

“Hey hey whoa.” The angel put his hands firmly on Jacks shoulder.”You don’t owe me anything. I was going to give you that book as a present. This book that you have was probably unintentionally switched. It belongs to the young woman we gave a ride to tonight. You didn’t meet her because you were sleeping. Here.” He took the book out of Jacks hands.”I’ll mail this back to her in the morning. By now she probably knows the book she has isn’t hers. She seemed kind enough,perhaps she’ll return it to my mailing address.If not then I will let you have any other book in my shop free of charge. It’s quite alright son. Don’t worry about it a second more. Now go to sleep. You’ve had a long day.”

Jack thanked the angel plenty. He hugged him before turning and getting under the blankets. Next to him Dean and Sam slept soundly. Aziraphale turned to Castiel and whispered.”Care for some hot cocoa?”

“I don’t..I..” Castiel gave in.” I would love some.”

“Let’s go talk in another room so the boys can sleep properly. They need there rest for tomorrow.”

Castiel followed Aziraphale out into the main bookshop entrance. It suddenly dawned on the angel that he didn’t see what book Sherlock Holmes had been switched with. He lifted the book to eye level and read the front cover. There was a catch in his breath. Lowly he whispered.”On dear god.” When the Seraph asked what was wrong, Aziraphale said nothing. Instead,he showed Castiel the front cover of the book. “The nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter.”

“Our answer is in here.” Aziraphale breathed out. A smile creeping on his face.

** authors note**

There might be typos. I’ll fix that tomorrow (: enjoy! And stay tuned for part 3.

[zmediaoutlet]

my good buddy brat asked for a few questions from an ask game, using my fic timelapse, and I am nothing if not obedient so off we go:

1. How another character would fit into this universe

Let’s see, because it’s you asking, how about... Deacon, between chapters three and four? :)  Would John be enough of a fool to send this Dean to stay with his good ol’ buddy for a few weeks while he took care of a demonic problem? Let’s say yes, of course, because Deacon’s a good guy and he wouldn’t take advantage, and where else could John send his good little halman knowing he’d be safe? 

And, of course, Dean is safe; Deacon wouldn’t do anything he didn’t ask for. But of course, this Dean is freshly stripped of Sam, and all those halman motherly instincts are raw and confused and hurting, and other feelings too, feelings that Dean’s never looked at because they--don’t make sense. So that person rocks up to Deacon’s doorstep, raw around the eyes, and it’s a lot less of the manful rock-jawed pretend okay, because this Dean’s so much more open in his soreness. Goes into 100% nesting mode and still fixes Deacon’s truck, still builds a deck, but also cleans Deacon’s whole house and makes himself a steaming apple pie with the last of the fall apples and one night in a heap of pre-heat hormones bursts into tears during the baseball game, and Deacon finds him out on the porch heartsore and frail, and when Dean falls into his chest Deacon’s not precisely surprised. (A few years later, Dean’s thinking about whether he really wants to renew his birth control--thinking about what that would even be like--when Sam shows up, clothes still smelling like smoke.)

9. What a non-PoV character is thinking in a certain scene

In chapter six/the +1, Dean’s feeling very, very soft indeed. Heat’s a gooey time for a number of reasons. He also sees--maybe more clearly than Sam does--the wistfulness Sam has when they’re knotted together and Sam’s touching the low curve of Dean’s belly, and knowing that nothing’s going to come of this. Dean’s come to terms with the fact that he’s never having children, came to terms with it a long, long time ago, and though it’s distantly sad it’s just a fact of his life. They got together well after he decided that, though, and he knows that Sam still, sometimes, has these crazy thoughts. Like somehow they could be done, like they could end up with a normal life. It’s not something Sam even really wants, anymore, but the fantasy still drifts past--and it’s worse during heat week, because Dean’s hormones don’t just affect him. Still, Dean doesn’t mind, if Sam’s sometimes dreaming of other lives. He knows Sam’s right here, with him, no matter what. When they’re tied, it’s irrefutable.

5. What will things be like for the characters 10 years after the main events

Ten years after chapter 5 would be... season 15, 2020, right friggin’ now! I can’t even think about that.

Let’s say we’re 10 years after the epilogue then, which while it’s sort of timeless is set in the bunker years, call it... a safe s11. So, ten years from then would be... May 2, 2026, and let’s say that Sam and Dean are still alive and the world’s settled down after whatever crazy things happened, but it also means that Dean would be 47 and it would be Sam’s 43rd birthday, and they’re still in the bunker, and Dean makes a big stupid Greek salad because it’s what Sam specifically asked for, but he makes a cake, too, because it’s a birthday, and no matter that Sam’s doing that stupid “no white sugar” diet, you get friggin’ cake on your friggin’ birthday.

He compromises, at least; it’s a chocolate cake with zucchini ground up in it. He still thinks vegetables in desserts are basically sacrilege, but he figures he has an easier chance of getting Sam to actually eat some if it’s moderately healthy. Plus the zucchini make the cake super moist, so, hell. It’s a win, either way. 

He gets Sam a new hunting knife with a silver-inlay handle as a present, and a bottle of bourbon too (”This is mostly for you, though, right?” Sam says, and Dean grins and says, “No idea what you mean, Sammy.”), and they watch a boring documentary about... something Dean doesn’t even remember, because birthday or not he’s not pretending to pay attention to that, and he sticks his feet in Sam’s lap and reads his book and gets a slow, excellent foot massage while Sam’s focused on the television. When it’s over, it’s getting toward evening, and before they have dinner Dean slides over onto Sam’s recliner, and maybe his knees aren’t going to be happy with him but he settles in on Sam’s lap, anyway, and when he kisses Sam there’s still the taste of chocolate, and he knows that later it’ll be their bedroom, and maybe ordering a pizza, and maybe they’ll look for a hunt again in the morning, or they won’t. They’re not retired, but life’s a little slower, now. It’s a lot to look forward to.

(ask some questions about an expanded universe)