#like yes of course the urge to jab a fucking pencil into my veins is not a healthy reaction to any mild criticism from an authority figure!
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#void screaming#PLEASE fuckign ignore this i just need to vent into the void.#i know its fucking stupid to base ur self worth on academic work and i need to grow the fuck up#but right now i judt want!! to fucking!! die!!!!!!#both my tutors are really angry with me and like i dont even have a defence like they are fully rightfully so its v much on me#but also#this immediately made me have a panic attack and now i have to stay up all night writing an essay in a desparate attempt to pacify one of th#em and then spend an hour explaining my arguments to the other one on no sleep lmao#want 2 fucking!! leave this earth!!!#and i KNOW im being crazy and irrational#i get it!!!!!#but i cant. fucking. stop it#like yes of course the urge to jab a fucking pencil into my veins is not a healthy reaction to any mild criticism from an authority figure!#im well aware!#doesnt stop me wanting to fucking do it tho does it#anyway. im a self pitying bag of shit.#update i relapsed bc im a piece of shit!! goodbye 6 months clean!!! fucks sake!
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