#like yes inflation is awful SO HOW ABOUT WE TAX THE RICH???

[tang3r1n]

my best friend of five years just said she’d choose trump over kamala because our economy was better under Trump’s presidency

[maxhoemo]

prompt: royalty/arranged marriage

ship: maxian

(wtf did i just write?)

Sometime in the Future....

Ian sighed, scrolling through the internet on his holo-screen. Earth’s own Overlord Jr. was set to be married in only a few days. Something he had absolutely no choice in. He felt he was far too young to be married, especially to someone he hardly knew. She was M’xx, Princess of the planet Diomia. She was known across the galaxy for her beauty, and her oafish clumsiness. That girl walked like she was trying to start an earthquake! But Ian had only seen her a handful of times at diplomatic events. The wedding was completely cynical. 

“Mom!” He remembered arguing. “I don’t wanna marry that loud-mouthed cunt! She get’s totally shit-faced at every event! She’s a complete disaster!”

“Ian, you’ll thank me when you’re the richest and most powerful man in the Universe!” 

Of course, she was right. Ian, known by many as the Google heir, was pretty much destined to marry the Disney heiress herself. And when they did, the couple would effectively own every single company and corporation in the known universe. But come on, weren’t they rich and powerful enough? 

“Miss Google?” Ian asked his super-computer.

“Yes, master?” it answered in a robotic tone, it’s screen (the size of an entire wall of Ian’s room) lighting up as it did. 

“Is Princess M’xx hot?”

“Princess M’xx was voted 7th Sexiest Organism Alive in 4998 and 1st in 5000 and 5002.”

Ian grumbled. He could only imagine some stupid teenage boy, getting his rocks off to the Princess. If only they knew... 

“Image search,” he commanded. Instantly, the screen showed a layout of results. A regular green skinned, purple eye’d space babe. Those short locks of hair perfectly framed her soft face. Even Ian had to admit it. Those big, pouty lips, that thicc round ass. “Okay, okay. She’s hot, I admit it. So what?” At least he’d have exclusive rights to that ass. 

.....

Historic First Ever Earth-Diomia Wedding Could Improve Planetary Relations

While the Galaxy is captivated with Princess M’xx’s dress, or the Overlord-to-Be’s shoes, leaders across Solar Systems are looking forward to the Royal Wedding for other reasons. With Diomia and Earth, historically being at odds with one another, leaders hope that the love between M’xx* and Mr. Carter will bring the two planetary superpowers together. Earth was forced to apologize to Diomia for the Meme Embargo in 4923, resulting in the gifting of the Walt Disney Company and it’s assets to the planet in an attempt to mend their economy. Left in shambled after unfair, inflated Meme Taxes. Princess M’xx has long been known for her dedication to preserving and spreading memes, stating; “It’s hard to imagine a world without memes, but so many across the Galaxy go without. Like clean water and Marvel DVD’s, Memes, at least spicy ones, are a basic right.”   An enquiry conducted by the #DramaAlertJournal found that Earthlings were overwhelmingly supportive of the Princess. Diomian’s however, are mostly skeptical of the marriage. Many raising concern that Mr. Carter possesses an inadequate penis. Either way, the merging of the two planets will effect us all in the months to come.

More Articles: Ian and M’xx’s Million Dollar Wedding Cake, Why the Princess Named “My Name Jeff” Her Favourite Historical Meme, What to Expect From Ian As Overlord

Cameras flashed, reporters and members of the public crowded the couple as they exited the Church. Ian smiled his biggest, brightest fake smile, the alien Princess on his arm. The wedding had been excruciating. Unbearably awkward. But this was going to be even more awkward.

Waving to the crowd, the couple crawled inside the hover-limo. He was about to spend more than an hour, alone with someone he’d never spoken two words to. And of course, that someone now being his wife. 

As the car pulled away, off to the reception, Ian chose to stare silently down at his feet. How much did his parents blow on these shoes? 

“Uhh....” Oh God. M’xx was trying to start a conversation. Ian cringed. “Sorry if that kiss was awkward... I’ve never kissed anyone before....”

Ian forced a laugh, looking over at his bride. “Don’t worry. I don’t think there was any way to have made that kiss any less weird.”

She laughed in return. “Yeah. I didn’t even want this wedding to happen, if I’m honest.”

“What? You think I did?”

“Well... My parents said you did. They kept guilting me with how excited you were.”

“Those lying bastards...” Ian muttered, though his tone remained playful. M’xx giggled. She really did look great today... Her bright purple eyes sparkled as she laughed, and her flower adorned brunette locks clung to each side of her face. But that was just the problem. It was about the only thing he knew about her. M’xx was the Princess of Diomia, she liked memes and every time Ian saw her at an event he pictured himself bending her over a table. But he couldn’t tell anyone what she was like day to day. What the alien liked to eat, or watch, or even a favourite colour. 

“Worst part. They’re going to print close-ups of that awful kiss everywhere!”

“Yeah....”

Over the course of the reception, the couple did get to know each-other. Or rather, speak to each-other and learn superficial facts. Though, Ian had to admit, as the night went on he was becoming more and more comfortable around his bride. Of course, the two were also becoming drunker and drunker. By the time the limo made it’s way back, Ian was all set for a goodnights sleep. That is, before a stern reminder from his parents. “I don’t care if you think it’s embarrassing! It is extremely important you go back to that hotel room and consummate your marriage!”

...

“This hotel room is fucking crazy! It’s enormous!”

“Aren’t you used to being rich yet?” Ian yawned, kicking off his dress shoes. 

“My species doesn’t spend money on luxuries like this.” The Princess explained. The honeymoon suite was not only needlessly large, but fuzzy and pink. Coupled with her green skin, it looked absolutely eye-bleeding. At least to Ian. “Unzip me!” the alien commanded. Ian did, her wedding dress falling to the floor. She flopped down on the sofa, unstrapping her shoes and massaging her swollen feet. Ian was leaning on the arm of the sofa, struggling to shed his many layers.

“Hellooooo Drama Alert Nation!”

“Turn that shit off!” The blare of the TV was already giving him a massive headache. M’xx didn’t listen, just turning the volume down a little instead.

“It’s about us,” she said.

Ian raised an eyebrow, glancing at his own picture on screen. He plopped down beside the bride, admittedly curious. 

“But was the marriage a set-up?” asked the Gnomarian host. “For more on that, we go to Xana and Leafy in our New York studio. Guys?”

The scene cut to two anchors in another studio with the same obnoxious hashtag and popcorn branding decorating the walls. A three eyed blonde woman and a typical Grey with emo hair stared into the camera. “Thank you, Keem. Leafy and I attended the wedding, and let me tell you that couple did not seem like they even knew each-other, let alone were in love. ”

“What would that blonde cunt know about love anyways?” Ian scoffed. “She’s the most hateful bitch on the planet!”

“I didn’t even know they were there....”

“I hate this whole news network. It’s just a bunch of gossip.”

“I kinda like Leafy.... “

“Ugh! Why!?”

“He tells it like it is.”

“He’s just an insecure jackass...”

“....Couldn’t agree more, Leafy. If Ian lost all his money and broke both his legs, I would be genuinely happy. Now, talking about the kiss...” 

Like an instant reflex, M’xx switched the TV off as soon as he saw a glimpse of the kiss photo. “No fuckin’ way!” Tossing the remote away, she lifted one leg onto the sofa so she could lean against her knee. “This is so much more stressful than I thought it would be....”

Ian turned to her. The way she was sitting drew his gaze to her crotch. The sheer-white panties left nothing to the imagination. Though, not quite what Ian had been expecting.

“Why are you staring at my penis?”

“I just.... Didn’t expect you to have one....” He looked back to her face, a perplexed look crossing her features.

“Why?”

“Well, I.... I just....”

“Everyone on my planet has a penis....”

Ian blinked. Couldn’t anyone have given him a little information before the wedding? How was he supposed to know that? Even Drama Alert didn’t know. “Then why are you a Princess?” Why would a species like that use gender’d terms? 

“Princess is just a rough translation. It’s easier than saying, ruler with one penis.”

“What the fuck are you talking about? No offence, but your species if fucking stupid.”

“Fuck up. Your species is way fucking worse than mine....” 

“Are you even a she? Or a he? Or what do I call you?”

M’xx shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. Those words don’t exist in my language.”

“Well... Do you feel like a guy or a girl?”

“What a stupid question. I feel like a Diomian with one penis. I’m a Princess, but that doesn’t make me an Earth-girl.”

“Wait.... Does that mean other Diomian’s have more than one...?”

M’xx’s eyes widened a little. “You mean... You don’t have more than one!?”

“No!”

“I’ve only ever seen porn with a one-penised one and a four-penised one. I wasn’t expecting this to be a same-penis number marriage.....”

“Me either....”

“What were you expecting?”

“Well. I guess I just assumed you had a pussy. Course, you’re not even from Earth I don’t know why I’d assume that. But if you all have dicks, how do you have kids?”

“What do you mean? The couple spits in a tube and sends it to the lab, where they grow the baby.... What the fuck is a pussy!? I thought this was an Earth creature! Like a Pokemon. ”

Ian sighed. “Miss Google....” The hotels computer lit up. “Image search Earth Woman.... Uhh, painting...” He didn’t want to freak M’xx out with some pornographic image. The computer pulled up an Ancient stature of some Goddess, her name lost to time. The Princess tilted her head, staring at the image in utter confusion.

“There’s nothing there!” Ian just shrugged in response. Ian was not going to go all into human anatomy right now. “Disney-Assist!” M’xx’s watch lit up. He held it up, showing off it’s projected holographic planet. “Image search, Diomian penis!” Ian’s eyes practically bulged out of his head at the series of images suddenly flashed before his eyes. It was horrible! Like a nightmare! Green, lumpy penises. On top of each-other, growing out of one another.... It was downright disgusting... Was he going to have to look at something like....

“T-take off your panties... Show me your dick....”

M’xx giggled. “If you insist!” He turned his watch off, standing before Ian and wiggling his hips. Sliding down the lacy panties, his penis spring out as he did. Ian felt relieved. It was an ordinary, human looking penis. Well, apart from being mint green. Still, nothing Lovecraftian. “What do you think?”

“It’s very nice...”

“That didn’t sound very enthusiastic.”

“Sorry. I’m tired....”

“But it’s our wedding night. Aren’t we going to at least fuck?”

“Ugh, no. Just.... Put that away and go to sleep.”

“What the hell? You can’t order me around. I’m a Princess, remember?”

“Yeah, and now you’re my wife.”

“So?”

“Don’t you remember your vows, dear? Love, honour and obey?” He asked with a cheeky grin.

M’xx scowled. “Fuck up. I don’t take orders from you, or anybody else!”

“Oh, really?”

“Really!”

The Princess was awfully cute when she was worked up. Ian thought to himself for a moment, concluding maybe he wasn’t as tired as he thought. “So... You don’t take orders, huh M’xx?”

“No.”

“You’re not gonna be a good little bitch, and do what I tell you?”

“Don’t call me a bitch...”

“Give me your panties.” For someone who didn’t like taking orders, M’xx sure obeyed that one fast. “You wanna get fucked?” M’xx nodded. “Then get in bed.” Again, without hesitation, M’xx did as Ian told him. Ian threw off his boxers, climbing on top of his bride. He ran his hands along her smooth, nipple-less chest (different, but not bad, Ian decided.) M’xx shuddered at the touch. “Do you like that?” M’xx bit back a moan, nodding. Purple pupils dilated. Ian took the Princess’s delicate wrists in one hand, tying them to the bar of the bedpost with her panties. “How many of those giant alien dicks have you sucked?”

“None,” M’xx answered honestly. “I only know from porn...”

“That’s okay, that’s okay....” Ian ran his fingers through M’xx’s soft hair. “You’re gonna use all that porn you watched, you slutty little Princess, and suck my Earth-Cock. You wanna be just like those porn star’s, huh?” M’xx nodded. “That’s a good girl,” Ian praised. M’xx would usually find it disrespectful to be referred to with an Earth word like ‘girl’. But being disrespected was turning him on.... Ian shifted, so he was on M’xx’s left, kneeling on the bed. “You better be good, bitch.” M’xx grinned, taking Ian’s dick in his mouth, trying to do just what she remembered. She was relieved honestly. An Earth dick was probably much easier to take in her mouth than the one’s she had seen online. Just as she was getting the hang of it, Ian pushed her off by the forehead.

“Was I doing it wrong...?”

“No, Princess. You’re a natural,” he breathed. “I just... Ever since I first saw you, all I could think about was burying my dick in your juicy fucking alien ass!”

M’xx stared up at him, his mouth forming an o shape. “Really?”

“Yeah... Fuck, it just looks so fucking good in your slutty little outfits...” 

M’xx yelped as Ian entered him. Ian’s dick slid in easily, thanks to the slick alien spit. But M’xx had never been stretched like this before. “Ian...”

“Shh, shh.... Just hang on, I promise...” Ian got a little deeper with each thrust. Hitting M’xx magic spot sooner than he anticipated, judging by the change in expression. Diomian anatomy, he guessed. He felt M’xx relax around him. 

“Fuck... Ian.... That’s.... I never felt anything that good....”

Ian smirked. “That’s why.... You should trust me, Princess. I know what’s best for you better than you do...”

“Mmm....”

He could feel himself getting close. He would have happily cum deep inside M’xx’s ass, but had a better idea. He pulled out, the Princess letting out a whimper at the loss. He gave his dick a few last tugs, cumming all over M’xx’s chest and face.

“W-what.... What is that?” The Princess looked confused, but still blissed out. Of course, they reproduced with spit in a laboratory. They had no reason to ejaculate.

“It’s cum... Try it...” He commanded, untying her.

M’xx, eyes still locked with Ian’s, obeyed. Swiping some from her face with a finger, she tasted it. 

“You like it, bitch?”

“It’s weird....”

“Well, you better get used to it. You’re gonna do what I tell you, aren’t you Princess? And you’re gonna be covered in that a lot more than you aren’t.”

“Oh, really?”

“Fuck yeah.”

“Think again...” Before Ian could even think of a response, the Princess had grabbed his wrists, flipping the two over so he was now in the vulnerable position. She must have been hiding that strength.... “Alright Ian, you pathetic one-penis earth gir-BOY!”

“Come on, M’xx...”

“That’s Princess M’xx, cunt!” She slid upwards, sitting on Ian’s chest. “What the fuck are these?”

“Those are my nipples! And you’re fucking hurting them!”

“Good, they’re fucking weird! Anyways... You’re gonna suck your Princess’s dick!”

“Oh, that’s what you want? Desperate to get off, are we?”

“Shut up! Get on the ground! On your knees. Kneel before your Princess!” She demanded, rolling off. Ian could use the oppurtunity to get back the upper hand, but decided to play along. He kneeled down on the fuzzy pink carpet, M’xx sliding off the bed and looming over him. “Go on,” Just like before, M’xx found himself overwhelmed with the feeling. Who could ever anticipate such a weakening, overload of pleasure. Ian grabbed her ass from behind, and M’xx didn’t complain. Course, it was weird to suck someone off without the ‘big finish’ so to speak. Still, at least M’xx could still orgasm from his dick.

“Mmm.... Ian that was so good....”

“You give a mean one yourself.”

“Is this what love feels like?”

“Umm... Let’s see how we feel about that in the morning....”