#like yes i mightve came off as rude but i was trying to be stern with the fact that i DIDNT want to participate..

[notjaydair]

just ranting again but..

today at noon my mom she came up to me and she started telling me that "she has a favor for me" but then she corrected herself and said "no, i have something you're gonna do" and i was like okay 🫨

and she TOLD ME that she was thinking of starting a podcast. cool! nice mom but then she goes on to say that she wants me to join her in it and i just stayed silent and kept listening to her speak and she was like "are you ignoring me?" and i was like "no???"

and she was like "you know one day, you're gonna realize that your mom is right about alot of things." and i was like "????!! okayyy but you didnt even make a point"

and so she asked me if i wanted to do the podcast with her and well naturally i didnt. really wanna. I'm not that much of a talker and while we do have meaningful conversations i just dont really feel comfortable like posting that stuff online

especially if its just for the sake of like. doing a podcast?? she went on to say stuff like "your friends can listen to it!" (my friends dont listen to podcasts/only listen to one specific podcast) or "other teenagers your age who are struggling can learn something from listening to it"

which (1) bold of you to think teenagers would listen to any small podcast we start and (2) I justtt dont think I care? I'm not passionate about that and I don't like giving advice to people i dont know or care about (and i got that trait from HER)

And then she went onto say that "oh no its okay we'll be talking about other stuff too" and i was just saying over and over again "i dont really know, im not really comfortable with the idea of that" and she was like "what do you mean you're not comfortable? I'm not asking you I'm telling you. you know you might regret it when one day you didn't do this one thing with your mom, it won't be forever"

then after like a few minutes of silence she was just like "okay, so you dont wanna do this. cause if you did then you'd just say yes." and i was like "yeah? I've been. saying that???" and she was like "then dont talk to me about it" or whatever

and I dont KNOW i feel guilty now and I guess I could do it for fun with her & i wouldve accepted it if she started with that instead of "im telling you not asking you" but the way she seemed to be forcing me and guilt tripping me really threw me off and I dont know what to do what the FLIP TACK