#like yes bitch I would love to climb on things in situations when I shouldn't

[cloudwastewater]

Random fucked up thing I just remembered: I was talking with the doctor about an ADHD form she gave me which consisted of criteria like "climbs on things in situations when they shouldn't" and "Is often loud, rude or offensive" with a large focus on hyperactivity (and very much written through a negative lens). Having done a good bit of research and understanding the difference between the way ADHD typically presents in females vs males I made a comment about how the form was quite clearly and stereotypically designed for almost exclusively 4-year-old boys. AND THIS WOMAN REPLIES "You'll just have to get used to that dear. Most things in this world are designed for men."

[burrowbaddie]

Circles

Joe Burrow x Female Reader

Series Summary: Childhood friends to lovers to nothing. You and Joe had history, you were each others first and then you were nothing. Years later, you guys rekindle the flame but with more obstacles in the way this time.

Chapter 3 Summary: You and Joe continue to fall apart and together.

Word Count: 6k

Warnings: Afab!reader, smut, swearing. Oral (female & male receiving), vaginal fingering, penetrative sex, vaginal sex, unprotected sex, cheating! (You are the side girl, sorry.), small fight scene, jealous Joe,

Series Masterlist

Joe couldn't take his eyes off you, watching you swim in circles around him. You gave him a splash, swimming toward him and wrapping your legs around him. It's been a whole week of just you and Joe. You felt like you were in heaven. You guys did a dive tour, went hiking, and had a wonderful dinner every night. The night always ended with you folded under Joe, crying and shaking while he fucked into you over and over again, but you didn't complain. You loved every min of it.

"Dinner on the beach tonight?"

"Mmm, sounds romantic. Are you proposing?"

"I would marry you in a heartbeat."

"If you were single." Your voice drips with disappointment. Joe kisses your neck and swims you back to the Villa. You climb up the stairs, and he follows you in. You take turns to dry each other off, not saying a word. You know you've killed the mood, but you can't help it. How long are you supposed to be the other woman? After quick showers, you lounge around watching Netflix while Joe answers emails and returns calls. It isn't until dinner that you speak to him.

"I'm sorry. You have every right to be pissed at me. I want to end things with Nicole."

"So, what's stopping you." You cross your arms over your chest, waiting for him to continue.

"I don't know. I really don't know. Nicole'smother died, and I didn't think it would be the right time."

"You choose now to start caring about her feelings. Ha."

"Cheeks, come on. I-"

"You're fucking me. Newsflash, just because you love me doesn't make it okay for you to cheat on her. So this sudden "I don't want to hurt her" play you're putting on is bullshit!"

The waiter puts your food on the table and awkwardly smiles, walking away. Joe rubs his face. He knows what it sounds like. Excuses. But he really doesn't know how to end things with Nicole without things getting messy. Joe reaches out to take your hand, but you snatch it away.

"Baby-"

"I've been caught up with all of it. But I'm tired now, Joey. I'm 25 years old. How long must I keep chasing you and waiting for you to choose me? I want marriage. I want children. I want to be with someone to love me in the light, not in the dark."

"I do love you. I want everything you want. When have I not chosen you?"

"Never. Joe, you have never chosen me. Are you fucking her?"

"Where is this coming from?"

"Joe, are you fucking her? Yes or no. It's a simple question. After you spend all day fucking me, do you return to your girlfriend and fuck her?" Your eyes do not leave Joe's eyes with each burning question. With no response from Joe, you get up and leave the table. He doesn't chase after you nor calls for you. You pack your things and buy a ticket home. Joe walks on the beach for what seems like hours; when he finally returns to the Villa, your luggage sits by the front door.

"We still have a few more days. Don't leave."

"You're fucking her and me. It sounds crazy for me even to say it! I shouldn't be the one hurting because I'm the bad person in this situation. I'm the side bitch."

"Don't talk about yourself like that. You're not. Nothing about you is terrible. It's me. I'm the one in the relationship."

"I wish we could stay here and not have to return to real life, but we can't. You have your life, and I have mine. Maybe we're not meant to be together. It's that simple."

"Cheeks. Please. We have to try and-"

"It's done. I'm tired. Someone is threatening me at this point. Is it all worth it?"

"You're right. You deserve better than me. This person could be unstable, so it's better to let you go than put you in any more danger."

Once again, Joe finds his heart breaking because of you. He didn't think his heart could possibly break anymore. You can't bring yourself to look up at those sad blue eyes, so you walk away first. Joe leaves a day after you, and when he gets home, Nicole books a trip to the Bahamas. As the days pass, you bury yourself in work by picking up shifts at the city hospital.

"You look like you haven't slept in days. You look like shit." Mya says, leaning against the wall.

"I pulled a double at city. I'm going to nap in the on-call room; if needed, page me." You hurry to the room and lie on the bed. Sleep doesn't come, so you scroll Instagram. Nicole added you a few weeks ago, so when her post with Joe pops up, your heart sinks further into your gut. They look so happy and in love. A call from Quinn stops you from gawking at the photo longer.

"I will be in your area tomorrow. Nico had some work in Italy, so I was like, I'm going to spend some time with my best friend in nasty Natti!"

"I'm working doubles all week. I don't know how well I'm going-"

"Joe told Fran, and he told me. I'm coming to cheer you up. No excuses."

"The first breakup sucks, but the second one. Quinn, I'm drowning. I don't understand how I can love someone so much it hurts. I feel like I'm dying. I'm so fucking stuck here. Why am I the only one stuck?"

"I know, baby. I know."

"Can you come in a few weeks? I got back from vacation, so I won't be able to change shifts."

"Of course!"

You hang up and place your phone on the stand. Curling into a ball, you let the tears flow down your face. You can't lay here and cry all day because you're paged to the ED.

"Are you okay? It looks like you've been crying?" Dr. Brian asks, pulling you aside.

"I'm fine. Just tired. Thank you, Brian." You pull away and head to the emergency department. After a long shift, you make your way to city hospital. And after another shift at the children's hospital, you finally go home. You pull Peaches into your lap and stare at the blank tv screen. As promised, Quinn comes to your house to cheer you up. But you can barely get out of bed. Because to keep your mind off of Joe, you've been pulling shift after shift. The bags under your eyes are horrendous. You barely eat, and when you do, it's a random fruit and water. Quinn pulls the blanket off your head and opens the curtains.

"We are not going there. Up! I booked us a spa treatment, and we're going out tonight. It's Friday, and you will not sit here kicking yourself again."

Your throat is sore from crying all night, so you don't respond. Quinn drags you to the shower and forces you in. At the spa, you try to distract yourself with thoughts of relaxing. But it's hard. Joe is consuming your every thought.

"Spill. Let it all out." Quinn pulls her towel down, letting her breast free. You do the same and pout.

"Am I not good enough?"

"For Joe? No. You are better than what he deserves."

"Quinn, Why can't we work out? Why won't he choose me?"

"Men are dumb. You have to walk them right in front of their prize. But at this point, maybe you guys aren't right for each other. Every time you cry over him, I am ready to end my friendship with him. I'm not joking. Watching you wither away when he left the first time crushed me. I don't want to see you like that again. So I will stay with you as long as it takes." She hugs you and kisses your forehead. The rest of the day, you guys catch up. You tell her about the stalker, and she worries for you, but since ending things with Joe, you haven't heard a thing from them.

"You look so good." Quinn grabs your boobs, and you slap her hand away. This would be your first time out in a while. DJ invited you to join him at this club, so you accepted. After picking up Mya, you guys make your way to the club. DJ invites you to the VIP section, and you take a seat catching up with him. He tells you off-season is going pretty well. All the guys can't wait for the season to start.

"I thought you were dodging me for real." He shouts over the music. You sip your drink.

"No. Busy working."

"Right, you're a doctor and shit. That's cool as hell. I admire that about you. A hard-working woman."

"You smile and turn to him, engaging more in the conversation. By the night's end, you've gotten to know DJ more. So, over the next few weeks, you guys hang out and constantly text. When he asks you to the team's pre-season brunch, you're nervous about going, but he assures you Joe won't be there because of a conflict. But Joe finished his interview early and arrived at the brunch with Nicole. You turn around, ready to leave but DJ spots you.

"I thought his interview would be longer. I'm sorry, sweetheart."

"It's fine. We have to co-exist. This is god's way of testing me."

DJ gives you a big smile and takes your hand to introduce you to some guys and their girlfriends.

"Omg! Joey! I told you I'm a matchmaker." Nicole squeals, hugging you. You flinch away but quickly recover and hug her back.

"We're just friends, Nicki; relax." DJ corrects her before you can. Joe won't even look at you. His eyes are dead and only trained on DJ. Nicole takes your hands and wants you to meet her group. She introduces you to the girls as if you were a new toy.

"You grew up with Joe? That's cute." Amber pops her gum, staring you up and down. You simply nod your head and look over at the cocktail table. A drink is definitely going to help you in this situation. Your luck only worsens when you are forced to sit with Joe and Nicole at a table. With every kiss and I love you they share your facade cracks. Nicole leaves to use the restroom, and DJ is pulled away by another player, leaving you with Joe.

"Are you sleeping with him?" Joe mumbles across the table. You don't make eye contact with him. You don't even want to acknowledge him. Joe starts tapping his finger on the table.

"Cheeks, are you-"

"That's inappropriate and none of your business."

"How isn't that my business? You're still my best friend." Joe says softly, sitting up in his chair.

"Best friend? You haven't called me all summer."

"You said it was over. You break up with me, and I'm the bad guy now? You left me again."

Don't look at him. Don't cry. You have to remind yourself of these two things.

"Why was I supposed to do? Stand there while you love another. I'm sick, Joe. I don't want half of you; I want all of you." You whisper, trying to keep the conversation low-key. Joe rubs his face out of frustration.

"I said I would end things."

"When? When we're 40?" You grab your purse, ready to make your exit when Joe grabs your wrist.

"Not with DJ. Please. That's all I'm asking. Not with him."

"I'm not your property." You snatch away, leaving Joe sitting at the table with a sour look on his face. DJ catches you as you rush out.

"I'm sorry. Are you okay? Hey, look at me. Joe doesn't deserve you. If he cheats on Nicole, what makes you think he won't do the same to you?"

You wipe your eyes and shake your head. Right now, hearing those words breaks you down further. You're surprised to hear Joe calling your name. He yanks DJ off of you and stands in front of you protectively.

"Fuck off, DJ."

"Or what, pretty boy? Huh. You honestly think I'm afraid of you."

"Stop. what is going on?" You grab Joe's arm pulling him out of DJ's face.

"I'm not going to tell you again." Joe spits with venom laced in his voice. You've never seen him this upset before. You know you have to step in before things escalate, so you stand between them.

"Joe, go back inside. I can handle myself."

"You heard her, chump," DJ adds. Joe moves you out of the way with one hand.

"I'm real fucking sick of you. You think playing mind games with me is the way to go. Play with me if you want." Joe's voice is stern and sharp.

"Go on, pretty boy, do something. You mad because your bitch-"

DJ doesn't get another word out because Joe swings on him. You scream as they start fighting. Tee, Sam, and Ja'Marr are on sight to break things up before it gets out of control. Ja'Marr scoops you up because when you tried to separate them, you got knocked down and skidded your knee. Thankfully, the fight happened away from prying eyes. Ja'Marr sets you down and goes to get a first-aid kit. He returns, trying to dress your wound.

"She's a doctor, idiot. Let her do it." Sam says, laughing. You thank Ja'Marr and begin cleaning the wound. Nicole runs over to find out what happened because although no one else was around for the fight, word of mouth travels fast.

"Joe and DJ are just being assholes. They went to cool off." Ja'Marr speaks up. Nicole marches off to look for Joe. You stand up, and Ja'Marr lifts you again because you are limping.

"Marr, put me down. I'm okay. I want to go to the bathroom to clean up."

He puts you down and watches you walk away. Before you reach the bathroom, Joe pulls you away. You try to snatch away from him, but his grip is tight.

"And that's the guy that you're fucking? He calls you out of your name and-"

"Because you have so much respect for me, Joseph."

"He called you a bitch!"

"I can handle myself!"

Joe starts pacing, running his hand through his hair. His frustration is written all over his face. He finally stops and stands in front of you. Joe's apologetic eyes make you shy away. He reaches out to take your hands.

"I'm sorry for being an asshole. You're right; you can handle yourself and date anyone you want…just not DJ or anyone on my team. The thought of you with any of them sends me into this state. I feel angry at the thought-"

"Now, you know how I feel—seeing you with Nicole. Every day I wake up turning on the tv and seeing her face, knowing I'm sleeping with you. The guilt is eating me alive. I have worked back-to-back shifts just to keep myself from drowning again-"

"I won't let you drown. Ever. I'll save you every single time, Cheeks. I want to be with you. I promise this time." Joe kisses your forehead and then your lips. You excuse yourself and leave the party. DJ calls after you, but you ignore him.

"Hey, come on. I didn't mean to say that."

"You were way out of line. Lose my number."

"Wow. It's like that? Over pretty boy? You really think he will make you wifey? And what if I slip up and tell Nicole." Dj crosses his arms, wearing a big smile. You look around nervously, ensuring no one is in earshot to hear his threat.

"I don't care what you do. If you think I'm going to let a man intimidate me, you chose the wrong one. Try me." You storm off, leaving him dumbfounded. When you arrive home, you sit on the couch for hours staring at the blank tv. You know that letting yourself sulk will only drive you to more misery.

Joe sits down on the bed, rubbing his face. Nicole stands in her walk-in closet, getting undressed. She tells him she got voted in as the president of the field's club, which is basically a glorified booster club for the woman dating or married to football players. They organize funding for local schools, businesses, and afterschool programs. Joe stands up and walks over to the closet. He leans against the door frame watching Nicole take off her jewelry.

"I want to break up," Joe whispers to himself. Nicole turns around.

"Did you say something? And what did you and DJ fight about? I thought you were good friends."

"Nicole, I want to break up. You can keep the apartment and-"

"What? Where is this coming from?"

"Nothing. It's not you; it's-"

"Do not say that bullshit statement! Why are you trying to break up with me? After all these years, you suddenly feel different."

"Nicki, I know you feel it too. It's not the same. It hasn't been the same between us in a long time. I think it would be better to see other people." Joe makes his statement but refuses to meet her crying eyes.

"The cars and apartment-"

"Give me the fucking reason!"

Joe takes a deep breath and moves quickly to hold her. Nicole cries into his chest as he rubs her back.

"I cheated."

"How many times? How many women? Where?"

"There was only one-"

"Once? Joe, we can fix this. You cheated one time; no big deal. We can-"

"No, I cheated multiple times with the same woman."

Nicole freezes as her mind quickly puts together the pieces, and she pulls away.

"Cheeks? You're cheating on me with her. All those fucking nights you said you were with Marr or at your parent's house!"

Joe nods his head. Nicole grabs a heel off the shelf, throwing it at him. She hits his chest and shoves him away. Joe gently grabs her wrists, trying to calm her down.

"She smiled in my fucking face! Was I a joke to you? Where is she now? I'll kill her!"

"Nicki, calm down. She has nothing to do with this. It was me. I stepped out on you. I know nothing in this world could fix this situation, but I did love you. The blame is all on me."

Nicole settles down and wipes her face.

"I knew you were cheating, but why didn't I think your ex-girlfriend and best friend could be the one? It's fine. We will fix this."

"Nicole, I want to break up. There is no fixing this."

"No."

"No?" Joe raises an eyebrow, confused by her words.

"If you think I'm going to let you walk away unscathed, you are fucking dead wrong. You will attend the field club luncheon with me as I accept my position. You will smile and act accordingly. I won't let you break things off and throw me away like I meant nothing. You will never get a happy ending with her as long as I'm alive."

"Nicki, come on. You sound insane right now. What is the point of us-"

"Leave me for her and see what happens. You think I spent years building connections for nothing. Leave me for her, and I will ruin her career faster than you can blink. She will never work in a hospital setting again. I will make sure that not even a run-down clinic will hire her." Nicole crosses her arms, staring Joe into his eyes. Joe shakes his head.

"Nicki, this is crazy. She didn't do anything. If you want to ruin a career, ruin-ruin mine."

"You would actually throw the career you've worked so hard for her? Ha. The funny thing is I believe you. I know you would do it, which is why I will ruin hers. It's much sweeter that way. Do I make myself clear?"

Joe closes his mouth and slowly nods as she rubs his chest.

"Yeah. I get it."

"Good. Pick out your outfit for the luncheon tomorrow. I'm thinking we should match. Cute, right?" She said, holding up her pink pencil skirt. The whole situation completely throws off Joe. After Nicole falls asleep, he sneaks off to call you.

"I'm sorry. Are you at work?" He whispers, leaning against the kitchen counter.

"Yeah. I'm working at city hospital tonight. It's pretty slow tonight. Saying that will probably jinks us now."

"I love you. You know that, right?"

You tell your coworker you need to head to the break room. With each step, your heartbeat grows in synch with the twisting in your tummy. For some reason, this feeling of dread is coming over you. Once you reach the room, you take a deep breath.

"I know. I love you too. What's wrong?"

"I'm going to put you first. I know we keep falling out and making up. I want you. I want every inch of you, but I can't have you. I know that now."

"Joe, what are you saying?"

"I'll stay away from you. I'll let you go. You have the right to be with someone that will make you happy."

Your back is against the door as you stare at a poster across the room. Your eyes become blurred with tears.

"Cheeks. Please don't cry. I'm not sure I can handle hearing you cry. I will break." Joe whispers, trying to hold back his tears. You wipe your eyes and sniffle.

"I'm being paged. Goodbye, Joseph."

"Goodbye, Cheeks."

Neither of you hangs up. Joe, listen to your breath as you listen to his. He sighs and closes his eyes.

"Joe? I have to-I have to go."

"Can I come over after your shift?" He asks. You pause, letting the question roll around in your head. Just seconds ago, you two were on the verge of ending everything.

"Yes." You end the call and get back to your shift. The butterflies in your stomach continue to flip and swirl as the clock ticks down on your shift. You rush home to find Joe sitting on your steps. You stare at each other, wondering what the other is thinking.

"Are you coming in?"

"I don't know. I mean-"

"What's going on? First, you called me to end things, then you asked to come over, and now you don't know? I'm confused!"

"I want to be with you, but I can't. And I want to tell you everything, but I can't." Joe closes his eyes with a sigh.

"What can you do? Because from where I'm standing, this thing we have going on is done. Our friendship is ruined. We ruined it." You whisper the last part to yourself. Joe retakes a seat on your steps, and you follow him. Once again, you two let the silence sit between you. You lean your head on his shoulder, and he kisses your head. Joe wants to tell you about Nicole's threats, but he knows you would try to help him out of the situation. He refuses to let you ruin your career because of him; if someone has to suffer, it should be him. Alone.

"Friends?" He asks, bopping your nose with his index finger. You nod your head as he stands up, pulling you.

"Friends…only."

Joe hugs you for a while. Neither of you can let go. Finally, you break up the hug.

"I'll always save you a home ticket." He smiles, making you laugh. You watch him drive off and make your way inside. Inside, you found another envelope with photos of you and Joe from the Maldives trip. Setting them on the counter, you take a breath. Things are finally over with Joe, so hopefully, the stalker leaves you alone.

As weeks pass, you let Joe drift far from your focus. It isn't until your father needs you at one of his youth football games that you meet Joe again. He's there as a guest speaker on behalf of your dad. You stand to the side, watching him give the kids a grand speech. Nicole stands near his mother, watching with a wide grin. Robin sits next to you in the bleachers, with your mother on the other side of you. They talk across you about cooking and school stuff. You try to zone out watching the game until Robin talks about Joe and Nicole.

"I'm worried about Joe. I'm sure he and Nicole are fighting so much these days, but I don't want to be overbearing. You know the boy is so private about his relationships. Can you ask him?" Robin takes your hand and looks into your eyes. Like son like mother. You can never turn down a Burrow who gives you that puppy-eyed look. You give a simple nod. During half-time, Nicole leaves, and you take this time to go to the locker room and wait for Joe. He comes out, and you grab his hand.

"Your mother is worried about you. I know we ended things, but we did agree on a normal friendship. Talk."

Joe sighs and leans on the wall.

"Football stuff. Nothing, Cheeks need to worry about."

"You knew he was lying but decided not to push it. Joe walks away and says nothing to you for the remainder of the game. It's not like he didn't want to talk to you. He's afraid Nicole might take it the wrong way and come through full swing on her threats. Joe hasn't told you, but he hired someone to watch your house. He has convinced himself that the person sending those photos must be Nicole. Joe tries to go on without you. He tries to regain a regular pattern. Hell, he even tries to fall in love with Nicole again, but he can't. She threatened you. There is no way he can love her again. His focus now is getting his ring and moving forward. But he sees you at every family event that your parents throw. He thinks of you before every game. Joe jerks off to you several times a week. He can't focus the way he should focus because his heart is in shambles. It feels like college all over again. Joe let you go thinking it was for the best, but it might have been the worst mistake of his life.

"I'm so fucking in love with her, Fran." Joe stares into his empty glass.

"Nicole? Come on; I don't want to hear about your love life during my birthday! It's bad enough I have to share it with my sister! I called you out to spend the day with me!"

"Cheeks. I let her go twice. Two times I made the same mistake two fucking times. The second time I keep trying to convince myself that I'm protecting her, but I'm not. I'm taking the easy way out. I love this woman with every fiber in me. Not being able to wake up next to her makes me sick."

"Keep going," Fran says, leaning on the counter as his phone dials Quinn. Quinn answers the facetime call annoyed her brother is interrupting her birthday outing with you. He tells her to hush.

"Cheeks is my heart. Not football, not Nicole, not anything. For so fucking long, I've made her feel like she had to be second to everything in my life. But the truth is…She's my number one. I'm in love with her. I want her to be my wife. I want her as the mother of my children. I want to grow old together and knit silly little mittens. I want that life with her. Fran, I fucking love her." Joe finally looks over at the phone. You stand next to Quinn, speechless. Taking the phone from her, you give her a half smile.

"I love you too, Joey."

"I'm sorry for being an idiot. Nicole threatened you, and I thought I could fix it by staying away, but I can't. I can't stay away from you anymore. I'm physically sick."

"Thank god! I could not take the sad love songs from her anymore! We are in the same hotel! Please come get your girl!" Quinn shouts, hanging up. Of course, your best friends set it up this way. They hoped you guys would make up so their birthday dinner wouldn't be awkward. So, the twins booked into the same hotel waiting for things to play out. It only took Joe two mins to show up at the door. Fran and Quinn left to celebrate together while you and Joe did your own celebrating.

"Wait, what do you mean Nicole threatened me? Is she the stalker?"

"I'm not entirely sure, but if I had to guess, I would say it's her. She threatened to get you fired from the hospital. Nicole knows a lot of people. I didn't want that to happen, so I stayed with her. I'm not actually with her by choice."

"Woah. This is insane."

"I won't let her do anything. The season is over now. The title she wanted as the president of the club is done. There should be nothing for her to want from me. It's you and me. It's always been us."

You sit on his lap, looking into his sincere blue eyes. You want to believe everything he says, but your heart worries that this is too good to be true. Joe cups your face in his large hands.

"What's going on in that head of yours?"

"Nothing. I mean. I don't know; I get lost in my own head. I-"

"I'll come find you,"

"Huh?"

"Whenever you get lost in your head, I will always come find you."

And with those words, you kiss him passionately. Joe smiles into the kiss because he is finally allowing himself to feel true happiness again. It had been several long months with Nicole, who had become this leech draining him of any joy. But now, here with you, Joe feels in complete bliss. You yelp, feeling his cock awaken.

"He missed you too." Joe bites down on your bottom lip, making you squeeze your thighs together. Joe snakes his hands down towards your thighs, pushing them apart. He wastes no time taking your panties off and throwing you over his shoulder toward the bedroom, slapping your ass with every step. You giggle once tossed on the bed. Sitting up, you take your dress off and throw it across the room, watching Joe undress. It doesn't take long for Joe to have you folded in half under him, panting, sweaty, and crying out in pleasure.

"Fucking missed this, mama." Joe grunts. You yelp as Joe suddenly stands up with you still in a mating press. Your weak legs dangle over his muscular arms as he fucks you in the air.

"Too much! Joey, 'ss too much." You mumble, throwing your head back. Joe was far too deep and only drove you further into your fucked out state. You were practically drooling. The loud squelching sound your cunt continued to make only made Joe lose his mind as he chased his orgasm. Your back hits the bed once again, and you watch Joe stare down at you as he cums into you again. You smile up and wipe his sweaty hair from his forehead. You bask in the feeling of having Joe's cum sliding out of you. You roll over to kiss his cheek.

"Is that your phone or mine?" Joe asks, hearing the iPhone ringtone. You would get up and look for the phone, but your legs are jello. Joe gets up, looking for the phone. You find the strength to sit up, watching him answer his phone.

"Mom, yeah. I'm good. It's Fran's birthday, so we're in Florida. Yeah, I'll be back on Monday. She what? Uhh okay. Bye." Joe hangs up, putting the phone on the nightstand.

"Let's order in and cuddle. I'm exhausted." You reach out for him, but Joe doesn't take your hand. You sit up on your knees, waiting for him to speak.

"Nicole's pregnant."

"What?" You shake your head in disbelief. You jump off the bed, grabbing your dress.

"Wait-"

"There's no wait! We're done. You can't come back from this! She's having your fucking child! You'll have to marry her and-"

"Cheeks, listen to me. I will find a way to work through this."

"She is not going to get rid of it. You and I both know that. She wants you, Joe. And she won't stop until you are only hers!"

"I'm going to fly home and figure this out. Don't give up. Please." He begs. You sigh and nod your head. You're unsure how things will work, but you trust Joe and let him go home. The following week Joe's texts were scarce, only texting you short answers. Then you get a follow request on IG from CheeksBurrow. You approve and follow up by sending a request back. It was Joe's finsta. You giggle at all the photos he has taken of you off guard. The man was clearly whipped. You watch as Joe proceeds to like all your photos and leave comments on a few. A few mins later, he calls you.

"Y'ou're so obsessed with me."

"Is that a bad thing?" He asks, leaning on the locker.

"Having the hottest QB pining over me…hmm, idk, I might be the luckiest girl in the world."

"I'm the luckiest guy in the world, actually."

"Where are you?" You ask him, staring out your window.

"The gym. Have to start training for next season. That loss to KC is killing me."

"You played-"

"I played like shit."

"I was going to say that." You giggle. You always told him he played well even when he had a shitty game, so Joe knows that was a lie. You smile, watching cars drive by.

"Is she really, umm, pregnant?"

"Yes. She wants to keep it. I told her I'm open to co-parenting, but Nicole is really pushing things. Now that my family knows it will be hard to end things as we wanted."

"I understand, so we are back at square one. I'm still the other girl, and Nicole is your girlfriend."

Joe is quiet again, and so are you. Do you finally give up and let go of your lost love, or do you remain in the backseat again? Your body freezes as you see the same car pass by again, but this time they stop and take a photo. You run outside shouting, but they pull away and hurry around the corner.

"Did you get the plate number?" Joe asks, grabbing his bag and rushing out of the locker room.

"I didn't; it happened so fast. I wasn't thinking. Someone is actually watching me. They took photos of us in the Maldives last year; who knows what else they have? They broke into my house. Joe, what if there are cameras? Oh god. They could have footage of us."

"Calm down, baby. I'm on the way."

"No. Joe, that's what they want us to do. You can't come here, not ever. I'll call you later."

"Baby-" The line cuts off, and Joe angrily hits his car window. Fans are taking photos of him, so he calms and waves, but Joe thinks it could be any of these people. There have been so many incidents where fans become too obsessed. So, he mentally starts taking notes of the fans he sees the most, and he starts paying to their words. When he gets home, he finds Nicole on the couch eating potato chips.

"I know. I hate chips but pregnancy craving, you know!" She gets up and walks over to him. She stands on her tippy toes to try and kiss him, but Joe turns away.

"Are you having someone watch Cheeks and me?"

Nicole's smile falters. She crosses her arms.

"Are you?" Joe asks again. Nicole starts laughing and walks away, leaving Joe standing there with more questions than answers.

A/N: Here we are, chapter 3! I hope this chapter was okay! Sorry, this took a little longer life is pretty busy! What do you guys think about Nicole? Who do you think the stalker is? Would you stay with a guy who has a baby on the way? Find out next time on Dragon Ball Z! :)

Tags: Tags: @joselyn001 @savii999 @lostaurorax @simpgirl-lat @edenhess @blinkloverx3 @dboanalooaa @nm112495 @mhm-ok-sure @katiehud @blu3jeanbaby @mrosales16 @wineauntharry @Cosmolover96 @loviingjihyo @hrlzy @spideybrina @dessxoxsworld

[reynie-muldoons]

'The Dance of the Celestial Orb' liveblog!

for real this time lmfao

book and show spoilers below

I'm ✨nervous✨ please let our children be okay

0:10 this Sticky arc hurts me so kuch

1:35 this music is BUMPIN

2:22 I just wanna know how she got under there without the dude seeing her

2:47 "all systems go" for the Improvement.... yikes 😬😬😬

2:55 she didn't wait even 5 seconds after they left, the door was still closing when she popped up 😂 can you imagine if one of them doubled back right at that moment

3:18 they look like the dudes from that veggietales movie, I think it was Esther- the island of perpetual tickling?? Anyone??? 😂😂😂

4:00 Kate vented.......

4:51 "not a rat" yeah no shit

5:07 if not for the suspense, I would be jamming out lmaooo

6:10 Mr. Benedict is looking at the shoreline, is he about to watch Kate dive in???? Because I mean that's where she's gotta be going

6:20 "memory challenges"? Is Rhonda talking about Milligan's amnesia, or has short term memory been affected as well??

6:29 .....thank you for answering so efficiently 😂

6:42 "I buy it. I completely.... buy it." RHONDA THAT'S NOT HELPFUL AHSKSHDJKD

6:56 can you imagine seeing your friend go down in a sub then hours later seeing the sub float up in fucking PIECES

7:06 KATE! KATE! KATE! KATE!

7:06 please let it be reunion time

7:25 oh hello that's a drop

7:38 *to the tune of Bezos I* come on Katie u can do it pave the way put ur back into it

7:51 she craves that mineral

8:06 Sticky, my child

8:20 oh my gosh they went out and LOOKED FOR HER I care them 😭😭😭

8:23 SHE KNEW HIS DREAM SHE KNEW HIS DREAM TELEPATH TELEPATH TELEPATH

8:34 STICKY STOPPPP

8:40 "jumping to conclusions is a failure of character" wow that really is something Curtain would say

8:52 angry Reynie. He is in rare form

8:54 "and you helped put her there!" OOOOOOOH I SCREAMED

9:03 "I shouldn't have yelled" okay but you kinda should have Sticky needs a wake up call

9:06 "dont apologize. I like this side of you." IS THIS THE START OF REYNIE AND CONSTANCE HAVING THE BEST SIBLING RELATIONSHIP

9:22 "if you really cared about me, you'd want me to be happy instead of standing there telling me who I am" oh Sticky my dude I am NOT digging the manipulation

9:36 Reynie pulling out the BFF card!!! Also Reynie digging in his feet because he knows he's right!!!! That's great setup for his arc as a strategist later

9:48 "I'm telling you, Kate's fine." Narrator: Kate was not, in fact, fine.

10:03 "they'll notice." Sticky has made one (1) good point.

10:11 oh dear god are they fingerprinting this bitch

10:19 all this equipment, has no one walked up to the cliff and looked down???

10:23 HAHAHAHA WAIT THEY ACTUALLY HAVEN'T

10:27 "we've been out here all night" that means Kate has been clinging to a cliff by her fingers and toes ALL NIGHT????

11:04 babe I know it's been a long night but maybe wait a second for them to actually leave before you climb back up

11:15 BUCKET NO

11:22 she has to go get it. There's no way someone wouldn't find that shit, it's in plain view

11:37 "WAS"???? WHY ARE WE SAYING WAS????? NO PAST TENSE HERE MILLIGAN'S FINE

11:43 "I only wish we could've known him better" NOOOPE NONONO WE'RE NOT DOING THIS

11:47 Rhonda back at it as the voice of reason!!!!!

11:59 "I have never met a more competent swimmer" throwback to "the baaAAAYYYY"

12:10 MR. BENEDICT'S FACE HAHAHAHA HOLD ON LET ME TAKE A PICTURE IM DYING

12:11 NUMBER TWO, NOT HELPING

12:14 RHONDA'S FACE HAHENDJDKDN

12:33 "we will go rescue him" because of COURSE he would

12:36 Rhonda is his best wingwoman omfg she's so consistent

12:54 MISS PERUMAL??????

12:56 MISS PERUMAL!!!!!!

13:00 SHE KNOWS HE'S RIGHT GAKSHDBDHEKSNND

13:09 "how hard can it be? It's an island!" PFFFFT

13:16 oh SQ baby boy please get out of there

13:25 "I certainly have my own suspicions" he said, looking at SQ why are you looking at SQ like that

13:31 SQ GET OUT OF THERE PLEASE IS2G

13:36 here we fuckin go

13:43 the captions have the f in forest capitalized like it's this special place

13:43 new hc that the Forest is a magical place like pixie hollow

13:57 TWO THINGS: 1. YES stand up for yourself baby!!!! 2. Shepard Quaid? Interesting! I don't think we ever got SQ's full name in the books, I hope TLS made that decision!

14:08 your "father hat"??? Oh my gosh shut the fuck up right there don't even continue

14:16 oh yeah real fuckin cute put on your "steward of this institution hat" and call that a good reason to be a shit person

14:43 "No." GOOD FOR HIMMMM GOOD JOB SQ

15:03 Kate's struggling right by the shore where a certain someone would be returning after a very hard swim, it would be a great time for a meeting wouldn't you think

15:09 KATE THE GREAT

15:11 "THE TRAPESE GODDESS" I WILL REFER TO HER AS NOTHING ELSE

15:26 sorry but that green screen of her falling was kinda funny

15:28 soooooo is someone, a very certain someone, gonna catch her...??????

15:36 YEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

15:43 IS THIS IT????@?@?!?

15:46 awww poor baby girl you can tell how tired she is

15:46 just putting this out there- they look so good in frame together

15:46 the actor who plays Milligan is fucking huge in stature so I wasn't sure how that would go but it looks so good

16:00 THE WAY HE'S LOOKING AT HER WITH HIS HAND ON HER SHOULDER I CANT DO THISSSSS

16:20 "keep going." 😭😭😭😭😭

16:23 "you dont understand." Ohhhh I think he does

16:25 "I think I do." What did I tell you, he's got your back babygirl

16:45 I'm so glad she's talking this out, and with Milligan of all people

17:01 it makes so much sense for Kate to feel alone in that situation, and when Kate feels anything less than positive she goes and does something, whatever that something is.

17:05 "So.. I...." "fell off a cliff and nearly died." Thanks for putting things into perspective Milligan

17:05 Milligan is such a good dad stop

17:19 "most of the way" is an understatement LMFAO

17:29 I'm so glad we know the intimate details of Milligan's illustrious swimming abilities 😂 out of all the new things wfrom the show that one wasnt on my radar

17:52 leave it to Milligan to come up with an escape plan off of an island with no water vessel with four kids in tow

18:08 THEYRE SO CUTE 😭😭😭😭

18:08 lowkey I'm super surprised they didnt take this opportunity to have Milligan's arduous swim force his memories out and have the father daughter bonding time they deserve. I hope they give that moment ample time to flesh out.

18:13 BUCKET!!!

18:13 wait that shot is so artsy hold up lmfao

18:13 this looks like someone's photography final hahahaha

18:26 THE TENDER MUSIC STOPPPP 😭😭😭

18:41 Sticky is still on that jumping to conclusions bs he got from Curtain

18:44 WETHERALL'S WIDGET 😭

19:31 "Kate... she's in danger..." NO SHIT SHERLOCK

19:36 "and it's all because of me." Not just because of you but love to see you taking responsibility

19:52 once again I am asking WHY ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT THIS IN THE OPEN

20:26 "Kate. She has changed." "Not really. She's always been who she is." "Her clothes. She changed clothes." PFFFT HAHHAHA they really took a moment of self-reflection and made it so much better

20:55 AYYYYY KATE'S DEPENDENCY ARC CONTINUESSSSS

21:35 yikes yikes yikes

22:16 I love that Mr. Benedict got closure in telling Miss Perumal that her words stuck with him

22:40 the way she just knows Reynie took the position of leader 😭😭

22:54 SHE WROTE HIM A LETTERRR

23:02 "Would it be possible to get this to him?" Ma'am what part of undercover spy don't you get

23:54 it's still really weird that we are now in a position where Reynie is the one who is not trusted and Sticky is the one in Curtain's favor

24:13 and here we see Curtain's thinly veiled anger issues shining through

24:21 "the little things matter. Every minor detail, it all matters!" CALLBACK TO MR. BENEDICT TELLING THE CHILDREN THAT THEY ALL MATTER

24:55 "I can tell with complete accuracy when a person is lying." first of all, no. second of all, I cannot wait for him to talk to Constance.

26:33 why is Mr. Benedict graphically explaining the children's potential trauma so funny to me

26:40 "you're catastrophizing." "Yes. I am. Quite severely. Thank you." WHY IS THIS FUNNY

26:58 MADGE!!!!

27:16 she's so prettyyyyy

27:33 GOOD JOB MADGE!!!!!

27:36 wait did she just take the LETTER??? she's delivering the LETTER?????

28:05 WHAT DOES "OKAY FINE" MEAN??? REYNIE??????

28:22 it's sad because it's true 🥺

28:24 "I miss my teacher from the orphanage" the best lies are the ones rooted in truth 🥺🥺🥺

28:48 roll credits

29:16 Reynie honey Orion's Belt isn't on the ceiling

29:29 the way he was so confident that he had it right 😑 Curtain Stop Being a Pretentious Fuck challenge

29:52 our babygirl is so smartttt

29:55 did Milligan plant his prints 😳 oh no OH NO

29:57 MARTINA???? WHATSUEJHDKD

29:57 is this the replacement for when they pin cheating on her????

30:03 THE KEY CARD!!!!

30:11 MADGEEEE

30:21 "one attacked me as a small child" honey you are a small child

30:24 "it did not win," she said, smiling menacingly

30:40 "so we dance again" WHY DID THE MUSIC REV UP WHEN SHE SAID THAT HAHAHAHA

31:01 ✨woodworking is a passion✨

31:58 "was it functional?" "Well I guess that depends on how you define functionality" RHONDA'S FACE IN THE BACKGROUND HAHAHAHA

32:10 OH HEY MARTINA

32:17 wait 🥺

32:22 that has to be SQ :)

32:28 hi sweet boy

32:34 please tell me they did that shot of the sandwich because Madge is about to take it

32:39 LMFAOOOOO

32:44 hi good girl!!! Enjoy your snackies

32:50 oh god oh no the LETTER

33:25 oh wow we're doing this NOW??

33:52 and here we see another example of Curtain's thinly veiled anger issues bubbling to the surface

34:10 hey what if you uhhh weren't such an asshole

34:33 that man's voice is buttery

34:52 REYNIE'S TRYING TO TELL SQ????

35:02 and they're talking about this right in front of the office door, WHY??

35:24 AND THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT THIS RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE OFFICE DOOR, WHY????

35:55 he's letting him go 🥺🥺🥺🥺

36:14 why does that look like a body bag

36:17 oh my gosh it definitely is a body bag, hey Martina

36:25 yep, that's about what I expected

36:36 "whoever did this to me, they're gonna pay" oh girl do I have some bad news for you

37:12 ahhhh, so Martina is the burnt out gifted kid who keeps going out of spite and sheer force of will

37:12 everything makes much more sense now

37:30 ohhhhh my gosh feelings time

37:44 "I think it's awesome." "Yeah. I know you do." THE SHIPPERS ARE THRIVING

37:54 THEY REALLY WANT TO MAKE THIS AS PAINFUL AS POSSIBLE HUH

38:10 "it's the least I can do" that's an understatement 😬

38:14 AAWWWWW SHKSHSLSBDK

38:20 "I don't know what I'd do without you, Wetherall" STOPPPPP

38:30 HEY BUD UH MAYBE CLOSE YOUR DOOR???

38:38 he's been writing letters to her every night and now he finally gets one back 😭😭

39:34 so Miss Perumal wrote this letter with the intention of it being sent to him, right- why did she write it like that?? 😂

39:34 they've gone to such lengths to communicate in code but the letter kind of undermines that- it was written in such a way that an onlooker would know Reynie was a spy but wouldn't know what he was doing or why. No wonder SQ was pissed

39:41 KATE!!

40:10 BREAKING NEWS: local bastard man treats everyone like shit

40:15 ohhhhh SQ bud please be careful

40:30 "always have time for my son," he said in a clipped voice that implied that he does not have time for his son

40:35 ohhh he's getting RIGHT INTO IT HUH

40:41 you mean to tell me he's never asked about Mr. Curtain's work?? Ever???? Somehow that doesn't seem right to me

40:57 hey uh what if you didn't talk down to SQ at every opportunity

41:02 "would you care to reconsider that answer, son?" "No." DIG THOSE HEELS IN SQ!!!!

41:22 I'm really not digging that Curtain is using the guise of openly expressing his feelings to communicate his anger and his unasked question. Not cool bitch head

41:33 the fact that he didn't answer SQ's spoken question kind of also answers his unspoken question

41:45 "I knew there was something off about that girl. But espionage?" "How do you so convincingly fake a tetherball obsession?" I love that this entire conversation could be about Martina or Kate interchangeably

42:34 WELL THAT'S NOT GOOD

42:36 IF IT WAS THAT EASY TO FIND WITH BINOCULARS HOW HAD THEY NOT BEEN SPOTTED UP UNTIL THIS POINT?!!?#? HOW????

43:05 Kate advocating for Martina with the Society 🥺🥺 the interaction I didn't know I needed

43:58 "I definitely don't like to leave anything unfinished." "That's true, I've seen you eat." PFFFFT

44:05 YESS YOU GO STICKY USE YOUR ACCESS FOR PRIME INTEL

44:19 "well, you can't succeed without me, so..." baby girl you have no idea how right you are

44:28 please let that be Milligan PLEASE LET THAT BE MILLIGAN

44:32 YEAAAAAHHHHH

44:35 I simply adore him

44:45 "would you mind helping me down, please? I'm stuck." Your honor I would die for this man

44:54 oh shit, Martina's tryna sleuth it out herself.. this can't end well

45:04 is she about to find Kate's marbles or something?? Callback to the book?

45:26 the absolute MURDER in her eyes

45:31 FUCKIN YIKES

45:41 "the clothes of someone who had given up" ASEJDGEIDNDLFK

45:47 well that's not good

46:00 WELL THAT'S NOT GOOD

46:04 PLEASE let them be on their way already, please

46:14 THEY MADE A BLIMP????

46:17 Goodyear is QUAKING

46:35 why the fuck is Number Two in red, that's upsetting on principle

THEYRE JUST ENDING IT THERE???? goddamnit!!!!

How surreal is it that next week is the finale?? Idk if I'm ready for that????

[rpmemesbyarat]

RP meme from Scream Queens Ep 1 "Pilot" & Ep 2 "Hell Week"(Note: Offensive content, use at own discretion)

Something really bad happened.

Did you just get your period all over yourself?

This isn't my blood.

Who told you you could have a baby here tonight?

I'm sure I can walk if I can just get some Gatorade.

I don't care if you can walk.

How are we supposed to get you to the front door without everyone seeing you all gross and postpartum?

No one wants to see that at a party.

This is super embarrassing.

I didn't even know I was pregnant.

You guys, they're playing "Waterfalls."

Is that a baby? Amazing.

I am not missing "Waterfalls" for this. "Waterfalls" is my jam.

Give the baby some mojito to quiet it down.

How do you know she's dead?

These are my minions. I don't know their names. I don't want to know their names.

I have a colonic at 10

Life is a class system.

Oh, still a lot of puke to scrub.

Yeah, you have an amazing skill at telling people what they need to hear.

I'm sorry. Did I ask you to pull down my panties and blow a compliment up my butt?

I hate sororities, and I hate you.

First of all, I'm not a lesbian.

You see, out in the real world, people just don't talk that way to other people. It's not normal.

Well, that sure sounds suspicious.

No one forced that goat to get as drunk as it got.

Historically, short people are sneaky backstabbers, like Napoleon or Paul Shaffer.

I could actually handle that you're built like a Thai ladyboy, but what I can't stand is that you think you're my heir apparent.

Don't you want me to spray-tan you?

I would honestly rather not have you around.

The police still can't figure out who filled that tank with hydrochloric acid.

It's good enough for me, and the D.A., who, last I heard, considers the case closed.

What is that skirt?

Your organization might want to find a lawyer.

I'm a pretty smart cookie.

I would not get personal with me, sweetheart.

I don't fight fair.

I am sentimental.

Look, girls are vicious, okay?

I don't have any of my own memories.

Just like we planned. Three-second silent hug, and then you leave.

Ooh, somebody call CSI, because there was a murder scene in that bathroom.

Someone puked in the sink and I'm pretty sure I saw an actual ringworm climbing up the wall. I'm not afraid of anything, but that bathroom scared the crap out of me.

This is gonna be a year of infinite possibilities.

Hold this. It's too heavy.

You didn't knock!

Look at them. They're the dregs of society.

Each one of these gashes is worse than the next.

She smells like hot dog water, and probably sprained her neck giving blumpkins down at the local bowling alley.

Look, I'm not saying that all heterosexual sex is rape. I'm saying all heterosexual sex is gross, and that deep down, every woman knows this.

All that girl's after is a whole lot of bikini burger.

Hey, girl, can I just ask you, what's up with your outfit?

God knows what they're talking about, basic bitches.

What fresh hell is this?

I need you to stay popular, 'cause if you want to stay at the top of the list of the pieces of ass I'm getting, there's criteria. And the criteria is you got to be popular.

Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there, because I'm getting really pissed off.

Stop fake crying.

Anyone you dated would be popular. I mean, they would be popular because they're dating you.

My ego, it's super strong, ok, but it's not strong enough that I can just go around dating garbage people.

Like, yes, I could find a random girl who wasn't popular, and, yes, if I started dating her she would then become popular.

But you said you loved me.

I do sort of love you.

I would love you a lot more if other people loved you, too.

Okay, I need you to leave because you're bumming me out

We're just trying to have a nice day hitting golf balls at hippies.

Pretty girls, like you and me.

That's why I'm gonna burn your face off.

Ugh! You burned the milk!

Next time, I get you fired, or worse.

Actually, I just want a regular coffee. Those white girl pumpkin spice lattes annoy me.

I like to think of myself, uh, as an investigative reporter.

I had to get a restraining order.

I tend to get a bit passionate about things.

Look, you intentionally led me on.

You kept acting like you liked me just so you could humiliate me.

Enter, ye who dare.

I love a creepy collage.

It's about kicking the living crap out of someone when they disrespect you.

I was just in your room, where I noticed you have a sizeable shrine with evil burning candles, photos of me with my face scratched out and pairs of my stolen panties.

How about I just drown you in it?

Well, of course she's dead! You just burned her face off!

You don't die from getting your face burned off.

There's a dead woman in your kitchen.

I'm going to the authorities.

That's not how I saw it. And my witnesses agree.

You're an awful person.

Who wants cocktails?

How did my life turn into this?

Have you seen the way girls dress on this campus?

I'm sitting in the same office I used to throw bricks into.

You're awful in bed. Are you aware?

I'm gonna take a pair of your panties.

I'm gonna barf on your face unless you get out of here.

Try to figure out who gave you such disgusting mommy issues.

You loaded a dead body into a freezer.

What are you proposing?

I want to help you with your exposé, secretly feed you info.

You need eyes on the inside.

I don't know what to do with the body.

Are you saying dead bodies don't turn you on?

You are so lame, you know that?

God, I love all that death stuff.

Show me the body.

Show me the dead body.

This blood oath will ensure solidarity among us. We are all related now.

I just Googled "blood oath" and this is what came up.

What does this oath even mean?

I just need you all to not say anything about what happened, and I figured a blood oath was cheaper than buying you all presents.

Wait, what about STDs?

Idiot, you don't get STDs from blood oaths.

You get STDs from dirty toilet seats and drinking the water in Mexico.

Um, "STD" stands for "sexually transmitted disease," which means that it's transmitted sexually.

When were you in Mexico?

You know what, forget the blood oath.

I can't stay silent!

I'm calling my mom, and I'm going home.

Okay, Pissy Spacek, you and I have a few differences we need to iron out.

I want you to be one of my minions.

It's the gateway to the top of the heap.

You put on a good front, but you're miserable.

Don't you think any of that has anything to do with the fact that you've created an atmosphere based solely on negativity and raw ambition?

Can we talk for real for a second, please?

I mean, you're so confident without being mean. What antidepressants are you on?

Don't you see that all that's happened isn't a crisis? It's an opportunity.

Yeah, no, I tried. See, I really tried. But all of this flowery, peace-on-Earth crap, it makes me want to puke.

You haven't even seen half of what I'm capable of!

Totally spit in your coffee, bitch.

I don't mean to be a contrarian, but I'm enjoying this.

Is that killer noises or am I hallucinating?

I'm gonna ask one more time, will you speak up?

What can you tell us about the murder?

There's an exodus right now.

The risks are real, but we need to close ranks.

I don't feel comfortable with a man protecting me. It's representative of the patriarchal, post-colonial culture that encourages violence against women.

We buy a pig and feed it the body. Pigs will eat anything.

Don't go skating on those poop lagoons, because if you fall in, you'll drown in the poop and come springtime, there'll be nothing left of your body.

Here's what you should do. Pulverize her teeth, burn off her fingerprints, and disfigure her face. Once her body is unrecognizable, we can create an incision on her inner thigh and drain out all of her bodily fluids. That'll give us more time to deconstruct the body.

Truly grinding down a body takes a lot of work. You need a really good food processor, and you run the risk of fouling the plumbing, which is why you should only do it if you know how to clear out meat and bones from a drain pipe.

I'm willing to help in any way possible.

You're obviously a psychopath and those ideas are insane!

Why are you trying to terrify us?

Can I call you Mom?

I feel so loved and protected by all of you.

Actually, it's a new pop culture trend where young women desperately in need of role models call other girls they look up to Mom.

I thought you'd be cool with it.

I mean, I did just give you several ways to dispose of a body.

Okay, fine. Just stop talking.

You are so friggin' creepy!

Someone just mowed off a deaf girl's head in our backyard.

I mean, as you can see, I'm not licensed to carry a sidearm.

Wait, so you don't have a gun?

I have pepper spray. And I have a walkie talkie that I can use to call the police, who do have guns.

What good are you?

Get the hell out of there. Run away, real fast.

Now, I would give you my number, but my cell phone is off right now.

If you want the place clean, maybe you shouldn't have burned the maid's face off.

Don't you wonder what's in there?

People have been whispering about that house for years, that it's haunted, that something really bad happened. I mean, there's no way there isn't some real-life story behind it, right?

I'm gonna have to break in.

I mean, I don't think anyone's gonna get killed in the 30 minutes we make out, right?

Can you stop talking?

You're kind of ruining whatever was good about it.

Please try to understand the situation I'm in.

I don't give a rat's ass about your job.

You know, I find good parenting incredibly attractive.

You're a snoopy little bugger.

Whose bloody clothes are those?

Supposedly, it was a super fun party.

We're all gonna pay for this.

I think it's all crap. Just a myth.

What happened to the baby?

Sometimes I picture myself like Derek Jeter, you know?

I'm gonna choke you out.

There's a serial killer on the loose.

Please don't say you want to choke me.

I'd love having sex with your corpse.

I'm sorry. This isn't working for me.

Well, I sort of am your boyfriend, and I'm protecting you by having sex with you.

No! I don't need a man to protect me.

How could I have wasted this much time?

Is my self-esteem really that low?

I'm sorry. I think we need to take a break.

I need you to leave right now!

You know, it would really help me feel better if I could just crawl into bed with you for a few minutes.

Are you gonna touch my wiener, or you gonna leave my wiener alone?

I'll leave your wiener alone.

Where are your hands?

He has a huge boner!

Why don't you go in there and ogle his big old boner?

Okay, uh, first of all, I'm not gonna go ogle his big old boner, because I'm not gay.

Look, I'm sorry everybody wants to have sex with me. Okay? I can't help that.

I'm hot. Everybody wants to get with this. Women, men, animals in the zoo, plants, probably.

You're gonna have to go right now, 'cause I am breaking up with you.

Excuse me, I broke up with you!

I regretted what I said, and I just wanted to come here and tell you that I am so sorry.

Well, I accept your apology. And now I'm breaking up with you.

Do you know why I'm breaking up with you?

You can't deal with how hot I am.

Sorry, I just broke up with you.

Can you please put some clothes on?

Um, they said, uh, I shouldn't be alone, you know, in case I fall asleep and die.

Can I just get you a robe or something though?

So you're saying I'm the killer?

Okay, this isn't about me thinking you're boyfriend material.

God, I was so gonna go to third base with you tonight, too.

What if we stapled their earlobes?

Private like the parts on a man you like putting in your mouth?

I want to publicly come out as gay on my own.

I mean, you guys have to accept everybody, right?

I actually think that's illegal.

I will come after you, do you understand that? I will destroy you.

I trust you'll consider my offer.

Name one bad thing that ever happened at a Best Buy parking lot.

You're just, like, super attractive.

Um, well, I was trying to be inconspicuous.

It's better than losing your life.

I have a thing for playlists.

Someone's got a poo belly.

Sweet Yeezus, I don't even know where to begin with you.

Bitch, I'm about to smack you so hard, your tampon's gonna pop out.

I heard screaming.

So you think the serial killer is still up there?

Upstairs to get the killer before he gets away!

You just said that you think the killer is up there, and that's where you want to go?

This is freakin' terrifying!

The killer is in the house! You hear me?

I need my damn inhaler.

What, am I supposed to be scared?

Don't even come out. We plan on getting drunk, and I don't want your bad attitude ruining it.

We're headed down to White Stallion to pick up some sluts, baby!

Yes, okay, I burned her slightly, but stop saying that I killed her.

That was a tragic accident.

I am a kind and devoted and loving friend to all.

I'm not some crazed psychopath.

Maybe you're the killer.

I will not be put on trial.

The truth is we don't know who the killer is, and, yes, I suppose it could be someone in this room.

You want to go first?

I banged, like, 50 chicks.

What took you so long?

[archival-account-2]

forbidden berry (iii). | tsukishima kei [short fic]

❛ 𑁍 pairing: tsukishima kei x reader

❛ 𑁍 scenario: in medieval japan; in a hostel that’s situated in a functional, popular village in old japan

❛ 𑁍 warning: nsfw ahead, read with caution; nsfw ahead, read with bravery; nsfw ahead, read with extra care to your emotions

fuka snickered while she was looking up at a heavily flustered, hyper-blushing kei tsukishima. while they chose a strategic hideout spot, fuka ultimately remained staying down behind the tall boulder. meanwhile, she didn't gave kei a forewarning of what they were both traveling for.

and now he knew.

he saw it with his own two eyes.

he saw a mortal goddess... bathing under the soft, dainty waterfalls. she was sitting on a big, flat rock. her body was tucked together in a comfortable position as she gently bathed herself. her womanly and petite body was simply glorious - the curve of her hips to her waist; the seductive angle of trunk - showing a part of derriere, a part of creamy thighs, a part of her enticing chest that was hidden away by her functioning arm. she was drenched, the falling water from falls wetting the temple of her being.

for a while, kei stared at her. he's unable to rip his gaze away from her. even if he wanted to, he simply couldn't. she magentized his attention away from all else.

she's an enchantress, who was unaware that someone was spectating on her in secret behind the boulder. a lowly mortal with his mere satchel and sword.

fuka, as quietly as she can, slowly slipped away. she took one step down. then another... then one more time... she kept doing this until she was out of mind, out of sight.

"fuka, i think we should... we should leave..."

by the time kei looked down, his tour guide had disappeared and he was at his own disposal.

'that brat!,' kei thought angrily as he realized he was left all alone. 'she dragged me here then what? abandon me without a forewarning? how childish!'

kei attempted to climb down the boulder. he succeeded, of course. with his nimble feet and hands & tall feet, he got himself back on the ground with no time.

"k-kei?"

if he didn't know how to hold himself up, he could have fallen flat on the ground with his dignity sprawling down with him. but luckily, he didn't. but his poor, poor, poor brave and valorous heart...

panic, surprise, fear, and second-hand embarrassment clutched it without fail and he swore he nearly felt a heart attack.

that sweet voice that resembled an angel... that honey-like sound that rang like the tinkling bells of heaven... kei thought he would never get to hear that voice ever again.

"kei? wh-what are you doing h-here?"

kei mustered all the strength and mettle that was left in him and turned back.

and he swore, once again, on his life and his afterlife, that he was facing a literal creature from another world.

though she was the very same woman he was eyeing under the waterfalls, he couldn't believe that she was just so different up-close as if she just traveled through a portal from a different universe.

obviously, she was already done bathing and looked like she's ready to go from the way she was carrying her basket of bathing essentials and soiled clothes. she was dressed in a very thin material that must be either made of cotton or silk. or maybe even both. after all, her body wasn't properly dried, so the moisture from her bath made the material stick to her body like second skin.

it didn't help kei at all regarding on how to where to place his eyes.

her hair messily and sexily tousled over one of her shoulder; her pebbled, rosy aerolas were poking against the thinnest robe kei had ever seen; her robe was a bit tight for her so her figure was well accentuated; the center core of her womanhood was teasingly flashed by and it was only merely covered the wide, dangling string that held the robe together in the front.

oh, the temptation to take it off of her to feed the pent-up lust he's starting to build...

'no, kei! you shouldn't think something dishonorable!,' he chided to himself mentally. 'you are better than that!'

"(y/n)," kei coolly said, looking at her dead-straight into her (e/c) orbs that were astonished. "i was wandering by myself. any problems with that?"

he had to fib or else he would blow the cover fuka forced upon him when she left. that little bitch had played him like a damn fiddle and he's hoping the sound it's resonating isn't bad.

(y/n) shook her head, droplets of water spraying on the ground.

"um... no, but it's just that... er..." out of sheer embarrassment, (y/n) attempted to cover herself up better. she wasn't expecting some or any sort of company, so she thought she could be indecent. she guessed wrong because fate made her guess wrong.

how playful...

"i thought it's gonna be just me," (y/n) murmured to herself, turning away.

"well, i'm here now, i guess," kei said, shrugging his shoulders. he remembered the cake he was carrying. he added, "which is a good opportunity, i suppose." he grabbed his satchel and ruffled the contents, attempting to find the box he stuffed in there earlier. (y/n), in turn, because she didn't find kei to be threat unlike the carnal men of his own kind, walked up to him, her indecency not minded at all all of the sudden. she stood in front of him as she peered at whatever thing kei was trying to retrieve.

"are you looking for something?" (y/n) asked.

"here." at the nick of time, kei finally found the lavender-scented, purple box he hid away and handed it to the innocent-looking harlot. "i bought it for you."

was it just (y/n) or did he sound almost ashamed/shy when he said that?

it didn't matter at all. (y/n) gratefully accepted the box and with kei's nod, she opened the box.

and she delighted to see cake.

"kei-kun." the way she addressed him made kei suddenly bloom a thick, shade of blush all across his face, much to his manly dismay. "it looks lovely~"

(y/n) looked like she's ready to eat it and kei found it really adorable (in his own secrecy) that he actually blurted out, "you can eat it now."

"with my hands?" (y/n) asked, surprised. "that wouldn't be proper, would it?"

"it's just the two of us," kei stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the whole world. "nobody would see you."

feeling reassured, (y/n) gently picked up a slice of the cake and placed it in her mouth. she chewed it with gratification and release. she loved the way how the icing warmly melts on her tongue and go through her throat. the chewiness of the cake was to die for. it was nice to eat something soft, warm, and sweet for a while after eating consuming meals that were not even edible for healthy ingestion.

the way her mouth moved, the way her lips puckered as she ate... oh, boy... kei didn't know what the hell he's going to do now: to stare at her even more or finally make the damn move he's been saving for all these months he's been pining on (y/n).

'screw it,' kei thought firmly. 'no one is around and damn those people to hell if they even saw us here.'

"(y/n)."

"hm- mhmmph!"

his lips came crashing on her like, claiming her warm ruby reds with his own. the sensation of her mouth warmed his very being like hot geyser exploding from the depths of the earth. the feeling of just placing his lips on hers was exhilirating.

'kei...,' (y/n) thought lovingly.

for once in his life, he's feeling of what it's like to be carnal towards the woman he had been desiring for all this time ever since their first meeting. the lust that was pented up inside of him was starting to explode like a sequence of dangerous fireworks.

kei groaned and directed their position to the boulder where he was formerly hiding. he entrapped the (h/c) beauty there - against the rock and his lean, slender but formed body that was firing up with all the hotness in hell right now.

he kept kissing her, slipping in his tongue. (y/n), surprised, gasped and obviously, kei took the advantage, and dominated her mouth with his own, showing who's the boss, who's the dominant between the two of them.

for some odd reason... (y/n) didn't fight back. yes, she hated whenever she's treated like a ragdoll. but, holy fuck, if it's the man she hellbent on having all to herself ever since the demon named 'cupid' came, she didn't mind it at all. in fact... she wanted all the more he could give her at this very damn moment.

(y/n) moaned into the hot, sloppy kiss, treading her hands into kei's soft blonde locks and, good lord, she felt she's in cloud nine when she heard kei's manly groan.

"kei..." (y/n) said between the thick kiss of immense lust. "kei, kei... kei..."

she whispered his name like it's a prayer. but he'll make sure she'll scream out his name like she's worshipping him.

"shut up," kei growled, pulling away from the kiss. "i'm the one dominating. not you, little lily."

[l000ey]

missing that → m.d

paring; im jaebum x moon daesoul (ft. got7, ahn hyejin, arabella lee and mentions of byun baekhyun and jackson wang)

summary; daesoul meets her first love again by accident

warnings; mentions of alcohol

note; yeah, uhm, second

part maybe?

2019

She had not been in the disco for an hour and already regretted having followed the fucking crazy of Hwasa, having promised to accompany her last week and of course coming without reinforcements.

For half an hour of the fifty minutes she had lost her best friend in the crowd and she certainly didn't feel like getting into the sea of ​​people to go looking for her, so she stuck to the bar enjoying alcohol and loneliness .

Although the latter was left over.

Entertaining with her phone a notification appeared on her screen distracting her from the series that she was watching on netflix.

@stormyy.lee mentioned you in its history

She raised an eyebrow, muttered a "What the fuck are you doing, Storm?" and pressed the notification, the screen showed the private conversation she had with the only female member of Bangtan and within this the story she posted. A video of her at the bar drinking her first drink about ten seconds ago was shown in the girl's "best friends" stories.

She frowned before looking at the place from where she could have recorded it but there was no one there so she started typing.

me

where are you?

stormyy.lee is writing

She let out a somewhat annoying sigh, looked around again looking for Hwasa or Storm or at least someone known but nothing, there was no one. The VIP disco was full of people unknown to her, so she deduced that those on the track were not idols. She ran a hand over her forehead, the cold metal of her rings cooling the skin.

It would have been better to go to Jigoku, there were all the idols. Surely Moonbyul and Wheein would have gone if they had gone to Jigoku. She released another sigh and returned her gaze to the phone.

stormy.lee

at the top, in the largest reserved.

i have hwasa

is a little drunk

me

stupid bitch

and you?

stormyy.lee

if i'm drunk?

nah, it's too soon

besides today i have to take care of mark

“Mark?” Her brow frowned as her fingers moved quickly across the screen. Her eyes widened as much as they could, which wasn't much thanks to the heavy false eyelashes that Hwasa had put on her.

Today was Mark's birthday and all GOT7 was here –well, except Jackson– but that was not important, the important thing was that he was here and she had to go where he was to pick up her drunk sister. Immediately her brain began to look for escape from this deadly trap.

She had concluded that she had three options.

The first –Leave her here and let Storm take care of her, she's also her friend.

The second –Climb there, congratulate Mark, catch her and go home to shout her tomorrow when she was with the hangover.

And the last but not least, the third –Climb there, act like a mature adult, greet everyone and have a good time with those who used to call friends.

The most sensible and logical was the third, the second was also acceptable but being Venus who we are talking about and given the situation, she chose the first.

She dropped a handful of bills at the bar, ignoring the bartender shouting at her for the change and tried to get out of there. She remembered the route that Hwasa had taken her when they entered and almost growled in exasperation when she realized that she had to go through the sea of ​​people yes or yes. She groaned in frustration when she found no other way out and sighed before closing her eyes ready to die drowned in the sweaty bodies of the people but a hand curling in her wrist prevented her.

Slowly she opened her eyes meeting a smiling Bambam “Easyyy, noona!”.

"What the hell, Bam?" She pushed him to get rid of his grip but it shouldn't have worked since the boy's hand didn't let go. She looked at his eyes covered by sunglasses, why is he wearing sunglasses in a disco? Leave it, it's Bambam “What are you doing here?".

"Storm sent me for you, noona." He smiled at her, pointing to the area where the booth was "Thank you that she didn't send Jaebum."

The air stuck in her throat for a few seconds "J-Jaebum?".

"Another one who hasn't got over it" The young man murmured rolling his eyes under his sunglasses. He began to pull her toward the stairs that led to the VIP reserved area.

He pulled her easily since Daesoul was assumed in her thoughts about how surreal the situation felt. Of all the nights she went to the disco, did Jaebum have to attend the same disco as her?.

Without realizing it, they had already reached the exclusive room and had an alcoholic Yugyeom hugging her neck. She patted her shoulder when he lazily separated from her and smiled at Mark congratulating him on his birthday.

“Vee!” Hwasa muttered away from Storm to go to her group mate, gave her a smile that let her know that she was in a worse state than Yugyeom's.

"I found her ten minutes ago, she was vomiting in the bathroom" The other blonde informed her while she sat next to her best friend. Daesoul ignored how she rested her head on his shoulder and tangled her arms around his while Mark kissed her hair.

Venus had always seen that friendship as something else but they denied it so she shrugged before looking at her best friend.

“I've been looking for you most of the night, where were you?” The girl looked at her seriously for a moment before starting to laugh hysterically, Soul sighed letting go. She dropped herself to Youngjae's side, grabbed a drink and extended it to the thai "Put me something strong."

She had felt his gaze on her since BamBam had brought her and that was bothering her, she wanted to go and shout at him to stop looking at her because she was feeling vulnerable and didn't like it. Today was not a good day for this to happen, fuck she didn't even want to be here.

Bambam let out a whistle and smiled pouring into her glass a bottle of some alcohol that she hadn't stopped to look at. Her gaze was centered between Hwasa dancing with Yugyeom and her glass, she didn’t dared to look the other way since she knew that if she did she would see him and did not know if she was ready for that.

She had felt his gaze on her since BamBam had brought her and that was bothering her, she wanted to go and shout at him to stop looking at her because she was feeling vulnerable and didn't like it. Today was not a good day for this to happen, fuck she didn't even want to be here.

She had argued with Baekhyun on the phone and after finishing the call she had realized that she felt nothing for him. She no longer felt that feeling of adventure and emotion, of euphoria as Storm would tell, she no longer felt anything with him and could no longer deal with the situation. She had fun talking to him and enjoyed their time together but as friends like years ago. The confusion of feelings that had brought them to bed –well, the sofa, the stairs, the kitchen, the floor of her room, the floor of the living room, the floor of the kitchen and the shower too– no longer seemed to be there.

And Dae lamented about it because she knew that she should talk to him and tell him that they should end this but with that conversation there was only one possible end, which would break his heart. It wasn't something she wanted, but she knew it was the right thing because she couldn't keep him for fear that their friendship would end, which she knew would end even if he said otherwise because that was what happened with Jaebum.

They said they would both remain friends in case things ended between them and they now look at each other sitting in a corner of the room without looking into each other's eyes after losing communication two –almost three– years after their relationship ended. .

She didn't want that to happen with Baekhyun.

Her gaze shifted to Mark and Arabella, both still in the position they had previously taken but now looking at each other and muttering things between them. Both had smiles on their faces and their eyes seemed to be full of love. She rolled her eyes.

Why didn't they accept that they loved each other and started dating?.

Still she smiled to see them because it was a beautiful sight to see two people so comfortable with each other. She missed that, being like that with someone in public. Unintentionally her gaze moved to Jaebum, surprising that he was also looking at his hyung and his "best friend", shook his head and made eye contact.

Her eyes moved to his hand looking for something and in doing so she felt her heart start beating against her chest. The black ink forming a small "D" on the back of his hand was still there.

She looked back at his eyes when he moved his fingers, knowing what she was doing, then he smiled at her.