#like y’all are in your 40s and you want to bully this teenager so bad before murdering him

[rainbow-femme]

I gotta be honest I do think it would be very funny if after the Binghamton game Lola tried to call Neil to taunt him but it didn’t go through because he never charges his phone so it’s dead and just going straight to voicemail

Like the plan would still work, they didn’t need Neil to know ahead of time, they could still get him away unnoticed with a whole riot happening

But I do think it would have taken a bit of the wind out of their sails. Just a bunch of grown adults huddled around a ringing phone in this car trying to call a teenager to bully him but he won’t pick up. And they’re like ‘no it’s fine it’s whatever’ but clearly they’re a little upset about it

[master-sass-blast]

Henlo, it's me, your local trash monster here to say I love Hannah and I can't wait to hear more about her?? That being said, GIMME ALL THE SAD GOODS ABOUT HER. But also add in something happy about her in the end! ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ ((Also sending hugs! I know things have been stressful the last few days so just know I'm rooting for you !!))

Holy fuck I think this is the first time someone’s ever told me to cut loose and just SAY ALL THE THINGS AND I’M SO EXCITED!!!! :D

(Answers under the cut because I just went with the entire list. I have no self control.

And thank you for the hugs and encouragement!)

1. What is one word to shut them up: Okay, for some context, Hannah is a lawyer. She has a thick skin (unlike me, heyoooo). It takes a lot to shut her up; she’s an HBIC and she owns it.

But if someone starts talking about her scars (she’s struggled/struggles with self-harm), she shuts down. It’s a part of her she’s still self-conscious about, and if someone mentions it she’ll literally stop mid-sentence and mentally exit the conversation.

2. What is the thing they feel the most guilty about: Again, she’s got a pretty thick skin, so she doesn’t hold onto too much. Life happens, you make mistakes, and it’s better to learn from them rather than beat yourself over the head for something you can’t change anyway.

If there’s something she’s going to feel guilty about, though, it’s fights or incidents she’s had with family members/close friends where she’s hurt them with something she’s said or done. She holds herself in high accountability to ensure that she doesn’t step all over people, and when she does she fails not only them but her expectations for herself, so yeah. Guilt.

3. What is the worst pain they’ve ever experienced: Physical pain? Probably different injuries from her career in martial arts. She’s a tough cookie, but some of that stuff just hurts.

Emotional pain? Anytime she fails her expectations for herself. She has very high standards for herself, and when she can’t reach them she becomes very depressed (more so than usual).

4. Describe their worst nightmare: Actual dream? Anything where she’s drowning or running out of air. She almost drowned a couple times as a child/preteen, and the trauma still emerges in her adult life from time to time.

Real life “this is a nightmare” scenario? Any point where her depression gets so bad that she stops being functional. Things just start piling up and get overwhelming very quickly.

5. List 3 fears; one “surface level” fear, one “repressed” fear, and one “deep dark” fear: 1.) Drowning, which runs pretty deep but it’s an obvious one that she’s done a lot of therapy work for, and she doesn’t mind talking about it with other people. 2.) Wasps. She accidentally got locked into a shed with an active wasp nest in it as a child. She made it out alright, but the sheer terror of the situation made her repress the memory. She’s heard the story from friends and family, and “gets” why she’s scared of the fuckers, but can’t actually recall the incident itself. 3.) The dark. A side effect of depression is paranoia, and when she’s alone, in the dark, she can’t shake the feeling that there’s some sort of creature watching/following her. When her depression gets really bad, she has to sleep with a light on to keep from flipping out.

6. What is something that never fails to make them feel sick: She’s not naturally squeamish, but the sounds of belching (ala college frat boys, y’all know what I mean) make her stomach churn.

7. What feature (physical or otherwise) do they hate most about themselves: Her scars. She’s very ashamed of them, and goes out of her way to wear long sleeved shirts so she can hide them.

8. Do they have anything that triggers them: Feeling like she’s failed her own expectations/expectations others have of her, accidentally inhaling water, the ‘buzzing’ sound bees/wasps make.

9. What is their greatest physical weakness: Her height. She might be a kickass lawyer and an even kick-assier martial artist, but she barely clears five feet.

10. What is their greatest mental weakness: Her struggles with self-hatred. She’s her own worst enemy a lot of the time.

11. Do they have any vices: Not really. Not as far as serious vices go. She’s pretty grounded.

12. Have they ever done something illegal? What was it: Nope. She knew she wanted to be a lawyer from day one and made sure her record was spotless.

13. Which of the 7 Deadly Sins best describes them: Pride? I think that one comes closest? Again, since she really doesn’t have a vice or a thorn in her side, it’s hard to pick something for her.

I think Pride comes closest because she spirals when she fails to live up to her own expectations, which I think often comes with a bit of ego (at least in my experience with that sort of thing). She’s also got a lot to be proud of (lawyer, martial artist, financially independent), but she’s not a walking ego either?

Idk. This is a weird question, lol.

14. Are they prone to outbursts (of violence, extreme emotion… exc… ): Not really. Don’t get me wrong, she can get there, but it takes a lot. She’s very collected (and usually swings the opposite way; she’s more likely to cold shoulder you if she’s mad).

She does threaten to shove her Prada stiletto sideways up Hank Pym’s ass, though. So there’s that.

15. Who do they hate the most: Guys who use her height against her by cornering her into spots while they try to ask her out/talk to her about something. It’s the fastest way to wind up on her shit list.

16. Is there anyone who makes them feel inferior: Herself. She’s her own worst enemy.

17. What sound always gives them a headache: Her coworker Tracey’s text/notification sound. Which is always going off because Tracey’s always talking to someone.

18. Is there a certain flavor that disgusts them: Not really. She’s half Japanese, half ethnic Jew, and a practicing Jew to boot, so she grew up on a pretty broad flavor palette.

She’s tried a bacon cheeseburger once on a dare, though, and she hated it.

19. Do they consider themselves ugly: Not really (outside of her scars). She’s pretty confident in her appearance.

20. Do they consider themselves unloveable: Again, not really. She’s spent a lot of time in therapy, which helps, but she’s always had her feet pretty well on the ground.

21. What is something that causes them great anxiety: The prospect of losing. She’s very competitive.

22. Do they have any mental illnesses: Depression.

23. Have they ever been assaulted/abused/raped: She’s run into the usual guys that like to try and use her size against her, but they usually wind up worse for wear than she does.

24. Do they fear the possibility of being assaulted/abused/raped: Yes. She’s five feet tall and doesn’t clear 110 lbs. She’s very aware that she’s got “TARGET” written across her back.

25. Have they ever been betrayed by someone they thought they could trust: Fortunately, no. Most of her close relationships come from communities she knows well (school, work, the temple she attends in LA), so she hasn’t had to deal with too much betrayal.

26. Have they ever been seriously injured: Yes. Even outside of her struggles with self-harm, she’s a martial artist. She’s broken a few bones over the years from that.

27. How many times have they been in the hospital: Five. Three for some pretty drastic self harm incidents, and two from sparring injuries.

28. Is there a certain type of person that disgusts them: Obviously, she has frustrations with asshole guys, racists/anti-Semites, but she cannot stand people who work in organizations that prey on the disenfranchised (ala military recruiters going to schools in impoverished areas to fill their quota because they know how to trick the kids into trying out and all that). It gets her blood boiling fast.

29. Does what they cannot see scare them: Yes. Again, this shows perfectly with her fear of the dark.

30. Have they ever been bullied: Yupp. For her heritage, her beliefs, her mental health struggles, her size... High school sucks.

31. Do they have self-confidence or self-image issues: Yes and no. Again, she’s pretty confident about most things in life, but she does have certain weak points (her scars, living up to her own expectations, her height).

32. Do they have a bad relationship with their parents: Actually, no! She has a good relationship with both her parents and her extended family!

33. Have they ever been in a relationship that didn’t work out so well: Not in the drastic sense of things. She’s been through a few break ups, sure, but nothing that was abusive or crazy.

34. Have they ever self harmed: Yes. It’s something she still struggles with as an adult.

35. If they could change one thing about themselves, what would it be: Her scars. She’d make them disappear.

36. Are they in control of their emotions, or are their emotions in control of them: She’s pretty well in control of her emotions.

37. Have they ever had their freedom taken away: Not really, no.

38. Have they ever been imprisoned: Nope.

39. Have they ever been accused of something they didn’t do: Not in any serious sense. Her reputation for toeing the line was too well known for her to be accused of something she didn’t do.

40. Do they often blame themselves for other people’s problems: She did as a teenager, but dutiful therapy and self-care has helped her outgrow that habit.

41. Do they get sick often: Nope! She’s pretty healthy.

42. Are they comfortable with where they are in life: She’s content, but not complacent.

43. Do they wish that they could change their pasts: Yes. Again, she doesn’t like her history with self-harm. If she could erase that, she would.

44. What’s one thing they wish they could do more often, but can’t: Travel. Her job’s pretty demanding as far as hours go.

45. What is the emotion they most commonly experience: Melancholy. No matter what she’s doing, it’s sort of always hanging around her, like a tiny cloud.

46. Have they ever contemplated suicide: Yes. Unfortunately, it’s a side effect of the depression.

47. Have they ever gone so far as to attempt suicide: A couple of times, when she was teenager.

48. Is there anyone that they would willingly kill: Outside of self-defense/the defense of others? No.

49. If [name] was put into ______ situation, they’d rather die than live to see it through: Being forced to reject her identities as a Jew/person of Japanese heritage. Her families have made it through so much (internment camps, persecution, the Holocaust), and she’d rather die than erase her own identity.

50. Create your own: Alright, I���m gonna put the happy one here so we end on a high note!

She’s a firm believer in the need for “mah” (the Japanese word for “emptiness), or a moment to pause and do nothing. It’s easy to see that reflected in how she practices meditation, follows Shabbat, or takes time each day to simply be.

However, she also believes that the principle of “mah” is what makes her and Luis work so well as a couple. She is the silence to his constant chatter and helps him keep his feet on the ground. Likewise, he keeps her from living inside her head and helps her connect to the world.

They’re just such opposites attract. Ugh, I love them so much!

[docholligay]

My Personal Eurovision Rankings 2017--Part two

Okay, so part two: The Bottom 5 and my full ranking list! 

My Bottom 5

39. United Kingdom: Never Give Up On You

The UK hasn’t won since everyone was allowed to sing in English, and honestly that makes complete sense, since they CONSTANTLY send this bland shit that screams ‘you have to send us to the final and we don’t really want to host. Also, we have enough tourism.’ This song is more of the same, an ultimately forgettable warbled piece of trash about love or some shit, and honestly it infuriates me because Y’ALL SPEAK ENGLISH. DAILY. OFFICIALLY. GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER. 

40. Finland: Blackbird

You know, I said I only hated one song for non-song reasons, but I think that might not be true. I saw this song early on in the National Finals runs, and I went, “OH NO ARE WE GOING TO HAVE A BALLAD YEAR?????” So I hated this song early on. It’s pretty bland, and like most ballads, she sings it technically well but never manages to make me give literally any fucks, and I think if I hadn’t heard it so early on it might be in the middle-low of the pack. Still don’t like it though. Blackbird, please don’t sing, I agree.

41. Russia: Flame is Burning

Pretty sure everyone assumes this is the one I’ll hate for non-song reasons, but honestly you don’t even have to. Russia’s...Russianess aside, they generally put out a very fun and watchable pop song with lots of cool effects. It’s a brilliant PR campaign! I have enjoyed a lot of the shit Russia’s put forth! Watch last year’s You Are The only One. Not even taking into account Lazarev’s personal charm, which was a huge boon to Russia, the staging is clever, the song is fun as FUCK, and it’s generally great. This year? Apparently no one in Russia who can sing has ever not illegally crossed into Crimea, despite there being 143 million or so people in fucking Russia, because the garbage they put forth this year is absolute sludge, and I really want to love that there’s a performer with a visible disability on the Eurovision stage BUT I CAN’T BECAUSE a) I KNOW RUSSIA IS TRYING TO GO FOR SYMPATHY and b) HER SONG SUCKS REALLY BAD. I’M SO ENRAGED. GIVE THIS GIRL SOME STAGING OUTSIDE OF “LOOK AT HOW PROGRESSIVE WE ARE UKRAINE IS BULLYING A GIRL IN A WHEELCHAIR HOW NAUGHTY???? FEEL BAD FOR US. DID YOU NOTICE SHE IS IN A WHEELCHAIR?????” I know you can put out better shit, you literally hemorrhage money at this competition, fucking seriously. 

42. France: Requiem

France is the country version of “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” I actually enjoyed last year’s song, in a departure from the very fabric of reality. (My wife likes this song, we’re getting a divorce immediately.) It’s actually almost the UK argument: You ALWAYS sing in French, how is it not better? HOW??? I wish I were more surprised about how little I ever desire to hear this song again, but I’m not. 

43. Australia: Don’t Come Easy

WE ARE NOW TO THE COUNTRY I AM UNFAIR TO FOR NON-SONG REASONS. I hate that Australia participates in Eurovision when a) it isn’t even Euro-adjacent and b) the contest has gotten significantly more serious since they showed up because they misunderstand completely, go home Australia. I don’t care if they pay for rights and everyone watches it, it was cute when they got to come for the anniversary, but go home now. I don’t care. (In b4 “you’re just mad America can’t go” listen friend, we are a country the size of Europe, conveniently divided into 50 fiefdoms--if I wanted us involved in anything of this nature, it would be our own Proxy Civil War Becasue We All Hate Each Other Anyhow, with me representing my dirt-poor state with the Montana version of Irelande Douze Pointe). I was fucking horrified when they almost won last year because the judges love fucking boring ass ballads. 

THAT BEING SAID THIS SONG ALSO SUCKS ON ITS OWN MERITS. This song shows the inherent trouble with selecting your song before selecting your singer--this kid has a great voice, but he is SEVENTEEN. There’s literally no reason I can take a seventeen year old singing “I used to move too fast to erase my past” seriously. Your love “don’t come easy, and it don’t come cheap”? You’ve “been burned too many times to love easily”? DID YOUR CRUSH STEAL YOUR LUNCH MONEY??? I literally laugh hearing a high schooler sing something so totally fucking inappropriate. 

If you’re bound and determined to sacrifice your babies at Eurovision, as some countries seem to be, there are less weird ways to do it. Bulgaria’s song about how your love is the MOST. UNTOUCHABLE. EVER. is VERY appropriate for a teenager. Ireland’s song about giving everything to relationship and wanting it to succeed so so bad is VERY appropriate. IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE THIS WAY. 

I’m reasonably sure Australia will qualify, but I’m hoping we’re out of the danger of last year. 

OKAY THE TOTAL RANKING LIST

1 Romania Ilinca feat. Alex Florea Yodel It! 2 Estonia Koit Toome & Laura Verona 3 Portugal Salvador Sobral Amar pelos dois 4 Belarus NAVI Historyja majho žyccia 5 Montenegro Slavko Kalezić Space 6 Georgia Tamara Gachechiladze Keep the Faith 7 San Marino Valentina Monetta & Jimmy Wilson Spirit of the Night 8 Moldova SunStroke Project Hey, Mamma! 9 Switzerland Timebelle Apollo 10 Israel Imri Ziv I Feel Alive 11 Hungary Joci Pápai Origo 12 FYR Macedonia Jana Burčeska Dance Alone 13 Sweden Robin Bengtsson I Can't Go On 14 Italy Francesco Gabbani Occidentali's Karma 15 Armenia Artsvik Fly With Me 16 Slovenia Omar Naber On My Way 17 Ireland Brendan Murray Dying to Try 18 Germany Levina Perfect Life 19 Croatia Jacques Houdek My Friend 20 Serbia Tijana Bogićević In Too Deep 21 Azerbaijan Dihaj Skeletons 22 Denmark Anja Nissen Where I Am 23 Lithuania Fusedmarc Rain of Revolution 24 Cyprus Hovig Gravity 25 Austria Nathan Trent Running on Air 26 Ukraine O.Torvald Time 27 Greece Demy This Is Love 28 Malta Claudia Faniello Breathlessly 29 Bulgaria Kristian Kostov Beautiful Mess 30 Norway JOWST feat. Aleksander Walmann Grab the Moment 31 Latvia Triana Park Line 32 Netherlands O'G3NE Lights and Shadows 33 Spain Manel Navarro Do It for Your Lover 34 Iceland Svala Paper 35 Belgium Blanche City Lights 36 Czech Republic Martina Bárta My Turn 37 Albania Lindita World 38 Poland Kasia Moś Flashlight 39 United Kingdom Lucie Jones Never Give Up on You 40 Finland Norma John Blackbird 41 Russia Yulia Samoilova Flame Is Burning 42 France Alma Requiem 43 Australia Isaiah Firebrace Don't Come Easy