#like wtf?? i couldn’t stop crying afterwards lmao

[you-will-be-found]

saw the brokeback mountain play and i will never emotionally recover from it. both mike and lucas were AMAZING in it and just the sweetest at the stage door afterwards 🩵

and mike signed my #youwillbefound sign that was included in the deh production!!

AND HE SIGNED IT WITH CONNOR😭😭

[beautifuldarkmind]

Idk if this’ll seem creepy but I found a post on your account that mentioned the NHS.

Does that mean you live in the UK? If so, how did you get diagnosed with BPD? (…asking for a friend)

(Sorry if this is too personal)

Not creepy at all! I'll give you the back story because it wasn't a simple diagnosis -

Yes I live in the UK and basically I've had many signs of BPD leading up to adulthood- of course you can't get diagnosed until you're over 18 as they say anything below can be contributed to 'the teenage phase'... I literally would get so angry and blow up and I had the lowest self esteem, felt really unworthy etc... my mum took me to the doctors because she couldn't deal with my anger- but my parents would always invalidate my emotions... so it got worse. I'd get angry they would say 'women don't get angry', I'd have anxiety they would tell me 'nothing is wrong' etc. Doctors blamed it on me being a 'rowdy rebellious teen' but I realise now that I felt like no one was listening to me and I would react. They sent me to therapists, I had CBT for anxiety and depression, it didn't really help because something was still wrong - this continued until I was 18...

When I turned 20, I knew something definitely wasn't right... all my friends were moving through life, going to uni, had a sense of self … I didn't have that. I felt like I was still a child? like everyone around me was moving and growing and I was stuck in this childlike state trying to find out who I was and what I was doing. I hated myself- infact resented myself and I'd self sabotage and ruin every opportunity and friendship/relationship I had. I was also impulsive I'd do things to make myself feel better such as break things or go on non stop rants, buy things I didn't really need.

I went back to my GP last year ... explained this and they said... you guess it, DEPRESSION. I told them I had gone to hospital 3 or 4 times due to impulsively harming myself, I couldn't even function and I ruined all my relationships and life. I impulsively quit jobs, I ended friendships, I pushed people that cared for me away and then felt heartbroken afterwards and couldn't understand why I kept doing that.

The last time I went to the hospital they said I needed 'trauma therapy' ...I had an extremely volatile argument with my dad and I tried to hurt myself again and was extremely suicidal and knew I wasn't safe at home. They referred me to a service called 'The listening place' I had fortnightly calls with them, but it was mainly due to me feeling suicidal it didn't really combat anything.... I finished it and went back to my GP who then said psychiatrists wouldn't see me unless I was having severe mental health symptoms such as hallucinations or I was delusional and non functional. I begged them but they said...no! I was literally thinking... I'm desperate here, all they can do is prescribe me drugs and not even tell me wtf is wrong with me. They eventually said I'd be put on some waiting list for another type of therapy, I'd had enough.

It got to the point in 2020, where I'd got so unwell I literally couldn't function... I'd cry every day and I'd self destruct over anything... everything triggered me, you name it... I'd see people I knew graduating - I'd feel worthless, I'd be like what have I even done with my life? my birthday came up in October - a month later the police nearly had to break down my door because I'd not opened it and the helpline I called had marked me as a suicide risk. I went to hospital, the lady told me to meditate and go for a walk :))))))) like that's going to solve anything.

I was so confused why everything hurt so much... why I couldn't function, why I ruined everything so I went through my insurance and went privately. I'm going to be honest, the NHS failed me because I was begging them - I'd gone to hospital many times injured and obviously unwell- they had even said I was a risk to myself but wouldn't admit me to the psych ward because they had no beds. I don't know anyone who managed to get a diagnosis through the NHS because they fob everyone off and say its depression. Therapists wont diagnose, GP's are useless and will throw meds at you and they are very reluctant to prescribe anything.

When I got my diagnosis, I was both relieved but also in shock. They had told me it was 'EUPD' or emotionally unstable personality disorder.. I'd never heard of it referred to in that term, only BPD which I knew faintly of. If you have insurance go privately, some can get plans where you pay over a few months etc. But yeah, on the NHS it seems the only way they will diagnose you is if you're over 18 and are basically an inpatient or something because they refused to diagnose me, even when they told me I needed 'DBT' or 'Trauma therapy' they wouldn't give it a name they just said it was childhood trauma lmao. It may be different in other parts of the country but all the other people I know with BPD either had to do it privately or were inpatients and got diagnosed in the psychiatric hospital. Although you may have a really good doctor who may specialise in it and can help? but yeah I had the hardest time trying to find out what was wrong with me, the NHS don't like to diagnose it and once you have got diagnosed with it.... expect to be treated VERY differently by the NHS and doctors :) therapists now refuse to see me due to my diagnosis and I get told my episodes are because I'm 'emotionally unstable'... by MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS.

Good luck and all the best, it's not an easy journey.

[onlygotafewdollas]

29 and 41 😎

29. What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?

Ok lowkey I still feel bad about this and I might sound like a bad person but here goes:

One time in elementary school we had this winter concert or whatever for the choir and we had been practicing for WEEKS for this but at the actual performance one kid messed up real bad and well...things just did not go well for him. He ended up crying from what I remember.

Well little ol me decides I feel bad enough for the kid that I end up writing him a little note and slipping it into his desk so he’ll find it the next day. It had something along the lines of “hey, it’s ok, you did your best and that’s what matters” or something like that, and then I signed my name. That’s when things went wrong.

Afterwards this kid seems to have gotten over it, has more friends now, blah blah blah. I’m happy my note worked. But then. The next year in our first year of middle school, maybe like....halfway through the year? I don’t remember but ANYWAYS he corners me at my locker at some point and professes his undying love for me, mentioning about how my note really helped him and how he hoped I liked him too and I was like WHOA HOLD UP WTF MADE U THINK I LIKED U and he brought up the note and I was like no ok to be honest I just did that because you seemed really upset about it and I felt bad for you ugh no I don’t like you gross (bc hey boys still have cooties at this point in my life ok.) AND THEN. HE RUNS OFF SOBBING. JUST STRAIGHT UP BAWLING. And I’m standing there like ??? But then I just go on with my day.

At the end of the day, one of his friends corners me at my locker (wtf was with kids cornering other kids at the lockers jeez) and he gets all mad at me, screaming “what the heck did you do to [name redacted] he got so upset about it that his mom had to pick him up halfway through the school day!!!” DID YOU CATCH THAT. HIS MOM. PICKED HIM UP FROM SCHOOL EARLY. BC I REJECTED HIM AND HE COULDN’T TAKE IT. And then he started like saying stuff about how I was an awful person when all I did was reject this kid bc I really was just tryna be nice bc I felt bad for the kid. One of the girls I knew from class sees us and is like hey wow fuck off no she’s such a sweet kid she wouldn’t be that shitty and then that’s how I escaped. Needless to say, I didn’t ever talk to that kid ever again even though we went on to go to the same high school.

TL;DR I made a kid cry so hard his mom had to take him home from school early.

So anyways yea that’s probably the worst thing I’ve ever done lol sorry that was so long

41. Top 10 favorite songs

I really don’t know how I’m gonna do this so I’m just gonna go through my Bops Only playlist on Spotify lol. This is in no particular order:

1. It’s Raining - Vincent Blue (pls stop sleeping on this guy wow if you listen to one song off of this list, make it this one)

2. Come to Me - Seventeen

3. Nandemonaiya - RADWIMPS (and basically every song off of the soundtrack for Your Name)

4. Honey - Kehlani

5. Godspeed - Frank Ocean

6. Change Up - Seventeen (this song is such a bop I have to play it at least twice every time it pops up when I’m on shuffle before I’m satisfied and move on to the next song)

7. Another Year - Animals As Leaders

8. Sunday Candy - Donnie Trumpet & The Social Experiment

9. Prism - SHINee

10. Literally every other song that’s on my Bops Only playlist lmao I can’t possibly pick favs let’s be real (Bring It by HOSHI WOOZI COMBO YEET)

Ok. I’m done.

[protecticarus]

PROMPT: Todd somehow sees Dirk talk to Riggens for the first time (in 1x03). I mean like it's unnerving as hell to see cheerful, kind-hearted Dirk look so terrified and hurt (he's about to cry lmao this scene breaks my heart and im crying) especially when Todd hasn't really seen this side of him ever. So like he's just like wtf?? dirk?? my ball of sunshine?? who is this man and do you want me to kill him for you??? bc i will

yes! I love this prompt because I am a dirk!angst fan (what’s wrong with me) & this is our first look into the blackwing side of dirk’s story & therefore it’s easy to put todd into that situation as well. plus I love me some protective todd.

(I’m not sure if you wanted todd to interfere with the actual scene or to talk to dirk afterwards but this is what I ended up writing)

-

“It’s all real, isn’t it? You really are what you say you are. Some kind of… Holistic detective?” Todd asks, already knowing the answer.

“I’m trying.” Dirk replies sincerely. “Is this enough proof? Will you help me?” He asks.

Todd can see the desperation in Dirk’s eyes, how much he really, genuinely wants Todd’s help. Todd doesn’t say anything right away, he still feels unsure about this mess he’s somehow been dragged into, but he also knows he will eventually accept it. There’s no way out for him, not anymore. Besides, something about Dirk just makes it feel like this is supposed to happen. Todd never used to believe in stuff like that. None of that ‘everything happens for a reason’ crap. Yet somehow meeting Dirk seems like something he was meant to experience. Somehow Dirk is supposed to be a part of his life. It doesn’t mean Todd is thrilled about the danger and illegal aspects it has brought him, but he knows he can’t walk away from it. From him.

“Fine.” He finally replies.

Dirk’s face lights up like a child’s on Christmas. He gives Todd a huge smile and pats him on the shoulder. Then he turns around and basically hops down the stairs. Todd is left standing in the hallway. There’s many things on his mind, most of them questions.

He turns around to go back to his apartment, but his feet stop moving before the thought really registers in his mind. After everything that’s happened, after the revelation of Dirk being… Whatever he is and Todd actually committing to this bizarre case they seem to be on, he doesn’t feel like going about things the normal way. He doesn’t feel like going into his apartment and sitting on the couch, chatting with his sister. It all feels… Different.

As quickly as he’d stopped mid-step, he turns back around to go after Dirk. He’s not sure why. He shakes his head, mocking himself for choosing to go after the man who broke into his apartment and claims that they’re friends instead of going back to the safety of his apartment. Then again, his apartment wasn’t exactly safe at the moment. A man had been killed there. It had been broken into. Twice. 

Todd reaches the stairwell that leads to the ground floor and he sees Dirk at the end of it, but something stops him. An ominous voice Todd doesn’t recognize.

“Hello, Project Icarus.” The voice says.

Todd has about half a second to wonder what the hell that means, until Dirk reacts.

“No..” Dirk whispers. “Leave me alone.” He says, but it comes out as more of a plea than an order.

A feeling of anxiety sets in Todd’s stomach. He’d come across all kinds of crazy people in the last few days, but none of them had made Dirk pale the way this man did.

“Svlad, we have to talk.” The man continues.

“That’s not my name anymore.” Dirk says defiantly.

Dirk isn’t his real name? Todd suddenly considers the things he knows about Dirk aside from his eccentric personality and comes up with nothing. He doesn’t really know anything about Dirk, or Svlad, or whatever his name was.

“Dirk then.” The man complies.

“I said leave me alone!” Dirk says with more power in his voice now.

Suddenly a man charges at Dirk and tackles him, both of them collapsing against the bottom stairs. Todd instinctively takes a rushed step forward, going through any self-defense techniques he’s seen on tv in his head, ready to pull the man off Dirk, but stops as the other man yells.

“Friedkin! Friedkin, goddamn it, get off him!” The first man orders.

Todd stays still, but on guard. These people were obviously not friends of Dirk’s and if the situation escalated, he would need help.

“He was escaping!” The younger man explains, still holding Dirk down.

“You release him now, soldier, that’s an order!” The older man yells.

Soldier? Who the hell are these people?

The man, the soldier, gets off Dirk and sits next to him on the stairs. Dirk scrambles to get up and basically wraps himself around the pole at the end of the staircase, grunting and panting franticly. He was obviously shaken, understandably so.

“Is this what you do now!? You just attack people!” Dirk screams once he’s recovered.

“Sorry, sir, I got confused.” The soldier says and gets up from the stairs and walks back to where Todd assumes his commanding officer is standing, out of view. Todd rolls his eyes.

“He seems like a winner!” Dirk comments sarcastically.

“Dirk, listen to me.” The older man says.

“Why? You have new lies to tell me?” Dirk comments.

Todd furrows his brow. What is Dirk’s history with this guy? In the short time he’s known Dirk, Todd’s never seen him so shaken or as defensive as he is around this guy. He lied to Dirk? About what?

“We need you to come back in for a debriefing.” The man says.

Debriefing? On what? Was Dirk… An agent of some sort? He couldn’t have been telling the truth about the CIA… He admitted it was a lie?

“Oh yes, why not, it’s only been sixteen years!” Dirk exclaims in frustration.

Sixteen years? Dirk must’ve been a teenager sixteen years ago? What kind of agency would employ a teenager? 

“Blackwing is under review. That’s why we bailed you out when the police brought you in. It’s the least you can do.” The man explains.

More and more questions form in Todd’s mind. What the hell is Blackwing? They bailed Dirk out?

“The least I could do?” Dirk repeats in disbelief. Dirk obviously didn’t think he owed these people anything. Todd started to feel like this situation was truly threatening.

“This is in your best interest.” The man says.

In Dirk’s best interest? Was Dirk in danger? Well, of course he was, Todd had experienced more danger in the short time he’d known Dirk than in his previous 30 something years of life, but was there more danger than he originally thought? Was someone specifically targeting Dirk?

To Todd’s surprise, his first thought was worry towards Dirk’s safety, not his own.

“You promised them something you couldn’t deliver. You promised me something and you couldn’t deliver.” Dirk says.

Todd frowns. This man had obviously hurt Dirk. Just a few minutes ago Todd couldn’t have imagined hearing the fear and bitterness in Dirk’s voice that was clearly present now. This made Todd worry.

“Dirk, I am not the enemy here.” The man says and takes a step closer to Dirk, now coming into Todd’s view too. Dirk quickly stands up and backs himself against the wall, like a scared animal. Todd suddenly feels the need to stand between Dirk and the man who scares him so.

“And you’re not a detective.” The man continues and Todd can see tears forming in Dirk’s eyes. “You’re going to get yourself hurt or killed if you-”

“I am on a case!” Dirk interrupts in a teary voice. “I have friends! And we found clues! We’re gonna solve a mystery! A real one! And some people think I’m a pretty good detective!” Dirk yells, the last words coming out shaky. He sounds like a child trying to defend himself to adults.

Dirk’s teary, shaky voice breaks Todd’s heart. Dirk takes so much pride in his title as a holistic detective and just earlier he told Todd how he was trying to live up to that title, and now this man was demeaning the thing Dirk put so much effort in? So much so that the man’s words made Dirk nearly cry? Now, Todd hadn’t exactly been on board this holistic detective train until a few minutes ago, but seeing the normally cheery, optimistic Dirk so sad and broken by just the sight of this man? It makes Todd’s blood boil.

Dirk kept panting and fighting tears as the man opened up his mouth again to speak, but suddenly Todd decided he’d had enough. He marched down the stairs, drawing the strange men and Dirk’s attention to him.

“Todd…” Dirk almost whispers, obviously surprised to see him.

“Who is this?” The man asks.

Dirk opens his mouth to speak but Todd beats him to it.

“I’m his friend. And I’d appreciate it if you left him the hell alone, now.” Todd says, coming to stand between Dirk and the man, trying his best to appear as intimidating as he could despite being the shortest of the four men.

Dirk looks at Todd, his eyes shining with unshed tears, his expression somewhere between shocked and grateful.

“This doesn’t concern you.” The man says.

“Like hell it doesn’t. I don’t appreciate people making my friends cry. Actually, I have a tendency to punch the daylights out of people who do that.” Todd replies.

“Todd.” Dirk says, his voice a clear warning, but Todd doesn’t break the intimidating staring contest with the older man.

“Do you want me to take him down, sir?” The younger man asks.

“No!” The older man and Dirk exclaim at the same time, the man’s voice giving out an order, Dirk’s tone more pleading.

“Dirk…” The man tries again.

“I suggest you get the hell out of here unless you want me to call the cops.” Todd says with no intention of actually doing so, since he is currently, possibly a murder suspect. “And I never wanna see your face here again. Or anywhere near Dirk for that matter.” Todd continues. 

The man seems unsure for a moment before nodding slowly. He walks towards the doors and then stops and turns back.

“I’m only trying to protect you, Dirk.” He says.

Dirk shakes his head behind Todd. “I don’t care. I don’t need you.” He says.

The man sighs and gestures for the younger man to follow him. Once both of them are out of the building, Todd turns towards Dirk.

“Are you okay?” Todd asks, adrenaline still burning in his body.

Dirk swallows. “Yes. Well, no. But yes. I’ll be fine.” Dirk mumbles. “Thank you, Todd.” He whispers.

Todd gives him a reassuring smile. “Sure.”

Dirk gives him a small smile, still a bit shaken from the interaction.

“Who the hell were those guys anyway?” Todd asks.

Dirk looks down at his feet. “It’s… A long story. And I’m afraid it’s not a happy one.” Dirk replies.

“Hey,” Todd says and places a comforting hand on Dirk’s shoulder, which gets Dirk to look up at him again. “It’s okay.” He promises. Dirk smiles a little more brightly this time.

Then Dirk sits back down on the bottom steps and sighs. Todd follows suit, sitting right next to Dirk and immediately placing his hand back on his shoulder. Dirk looks to Todd, as if to ask for permission. Todd gives him an encouraging nod.

Dirk takes a deep breath.

“They’re a part of a CIA operation called ‘Blackwing’…”

-

if you have any fic ideas, please send me prompts! I’d love to write them. my inbox is open! xx

[httpsung]

Seeing Day6 Live | #Day6inDet

!!Warning!! Long post ahead

Excuse me for being mushy and lame..

Honestly being able to watch Day6 perform live is a magical experience. Seeing Day6 in person.. it’s crazy the amount of emotions I felt the moment these five men walked onto that stage, it was insane. I really wish that all MyDays who really love and appreciate Day6 will be able to experience them live even if it’s just once. I’m wishing everyone the best of luck because it’s nothing like seeing your favorite people right in front of you...

October 27, 2017 was literally the best day of my life this year. It was surreal and I find my self at times throughout the day thinking “Did it really happen?” I’m going to discuss what I could recall from last night. I might post more stuff about the fanmeet later on but this it’s what’s refresh on my mind right now.

So the moment 8pm hit, the time the show was suppose to start the crowd started chanting “Day6!” over and over but the show still didn’t start and so the crowd went through all of the guys names starting with “Brian” Literally the entire venue minus me was like “Brian, Brian” but I’m like it’s YOUNG K, soon they went from Brian to Young K and it seemed to be a chanting war of both his names back and forth lol followed by everyone else’ s names.

Anyways the intro video started and Dowoon was the first person to walk out on stage and take a seat at his drums and BOY that’s when my heart started to race and I was like OH FUCK this is happening, he’s gorgeous he’s really there. Then followed Wonpil, Young K ( I think Wonpil came out before Young K I could be wrong forgive me I was trying not to loose my shit ) Jae, and last but definitely not least Sungjin. LET ME FUCKING TELL YOU when Sungjin walked out MY KNESS GOT WEAK I LITERALLY TURNED AND HELD ON TO THE BACK OF MY SEAT BECAUSE I WAS NOT READY. I was in Section 2, row L Literally right in front of where he stands on stage so he’s all I can see ( So I’m like 12 rows away from the stage? Something like that.. ) BUT ISTG Sungjin’s eyes sparkled like I’m not super close to him but I can see his eyes shining from where I’m sitting AND I shit you not I almost died.

So they performed I Wait first, I thought I was ready, I’ve watched the livestreams of the other shows before Detroit so I knew the setlist and what to get prepared for BUT YOU CANNOT PREPARE YOURSELF FOR DAY6 AT ALL. They started playing and it was so hype from start to finish, then they went on to Hunt and I’m sure most of you know the rest of the songs played before they actually sat down but even before that they kind said a few words??

Anyways the fanmeet portion began. The host came out and the translator the boys got seats and introduced themselves and I’m sorry I was one of those people who let out a louder than usual scream when Sungjin spoke like I cheered pretty loud for the other boys BUT come on... my bias introduced himself I didn’t even expect that sound to leave my throat.

So after introductions they answered some questions y’know when they pick a question a fan has asked them.. I was in awe with how adorable they were, how genuinely nice they seem and just wow I really appreciate them.

After that came a game of Bingo and I was like OH this is new because I think we’re the only stop that got the Bingo game. If I remember correctly LA & NYC had the preference game and Austin had the Wiii Boxing.

They played Bingo and if they got bingo they could draw five raffle tickets and whichever fan had that matching ticket would get a prize. They all drew one and matched with a fan, my heart was about to explode because I wanted to be picked but I also didn’t want them to see me I’m weird LMAO. I WAS LITERALLY ONE NUMBER OFF WHEN DOWOON WAS CALLING OUT HIS BOYYY. Anyways it was funny because Young K drew a ticket and no one had it so he looked sad then he had to draw again and looked happy when he finally got someone lol.

OH btw Sungjin danced to Gashina due to the number he chose for Bingo ( I forgot to mention they had to do a task that was hidden behind the number they chose ) Jae created an impromptu song AND LORD JESUS BLESS HIS VOICE, Young K’s task had everyone involved and everyone of them had to strike a pose from the option that came up which happened to be MICHAEL JACKSON so they had to do an MJ posed and Young K failed lol. Dowoon had to do a mystery box and touch something without seeing it and guess what it was THAT POOR BABY HAD TO TOUCH AN ALLIGATOR/CROCODILE IT WAS ONE OF THOSE AND I WAS LIKE OH SHIT (idk if it was truly real tho) when he realized what it was he jumped, he was cute.

Wonpil’s task was to eat a lemon and try to whistle afterward, he was cute.. I barely heard the whistle but we were all like YEAH HE WHISTLED GIVE HIM THE POINT.

This might be out of order but I remember Jae saying some really nice and encouraging stuff and talking about how he got the Kpopstar audition and that he was a political science major in college WOW.

I remember someone was like “Preach Jae” and he was so hype like ‘I’M GONNA PREACH” lmao I love him.

After the games were over they told us how we will enjoy music for the rest of the time.

SUNGJIN’S “BAND IS MUSIC” I ALMOST SHED A TEAR

They left the stage and showed the video of them in Detroit, SUNGJIN’S CUT and wow it was nice ;-;

AFTER that they came back on stage and performed You Were Beautiful and I wanted to cry on the floor but didn’t.

At the end when they did freely, I was already in the aisle and Jae did his signature jump off the stage and walk into the center thing and that’s when I got closer too and BOY what a performer... DAY6 ARE A BUNCH OF AMAZING PERFORMERS.

It all ended after that unless you had p2 hi-touch and I did... and that’s when my anxiety kicked in a little I was so nervous, I knew it was going to be a quick process because when is hi-touch ever lengthy? but I was AKJSKSKDLFLFG;GK my best friend was like you wanna go before me and I was like GIRL NO LMAO I’M ABOUT TO RUN AWAY. Our row was up  to walk on stage and here it goes, where my life was about to end.

Dowoon was first, very friendly! At first it was hard to take him in,  it was hard to take all of them in at the moment and their little actions. He was sort of leaning on the table and he really didn’t high-five but kinda grabbed my hand a little and was like “Hello, thank you!” I said thank you in return my voice was really small and high-pitched BECAUSEI WAS NOT READY FOR THIS. Next was Wonpil.... WONPIL INTIMIDATED ME SO MUCH GUYS OH MY GOD, HIS GAZE WAS STRONG AND I COULDN’T REALLY MAKE OUT HIS EXPRESSION BUT HE WAS ALSO REALLY HANDSOME, HIS FACE IS CHISELD BY THE GODS WTF Wonpil increased my nerves but his voice was so nice when he said “Hi and thank you” Next was Young K and istg I remember nothing but his smile, he was all teeth it was THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SMILE.

THEN HERE WE GO PARK SUNGJIN... MFING SUNGJIN... GRABBED MY HAND IT WAS KINDA AGRESSIVELY SOFT LIKE IS THAT EVEN A THING BUT THAT’S THE BEST WAY I CAN DESCRIBE IT. Sungjin seemed really thrilled like so bubbly, He said “Thank you for coming” and I said it back though I wanted to say I love you, I wanted to say that to all of them but I choked.

ISTG I’M NOT EVEN TRYING TO BE BIASED but his grip on my hand lingered and I was crying in my head. I was so stunned about everything that Jae ALMOST became a blur I say almost because I was like still trying to process Sungjin and our hand separating that when Jae ALSO grabbed my hand and leaned into my view and JESUS CHRIST HE’S SO PRETTY He was like “Ayeee, thanks for coming” I did say thank you but oh my god I was not ready for Sungjin or Jae... HI TOUCH WAS A SHORT SPECIAL EXPERIENCE BUT WITH JAE AND SUNGJIN INTERACTING WITH THEM STOOD OUT THE MOST WITH ME

Afterward we exited the venue I was still stunned like did that all happen??? I kept saying stuff like that all the way to my airbnb with my best friend and then when we made it to the front door everything I had been feeling throughout the whole show and hi-touch came out of me at once and I started crying akskdlf

I never expected to fall so hard for Day6, they’re amazing, they make amazing music... there’s not a single song I dislike. I love how hard working they are and I love how hard they’ve worked this year giving their fans their all. I’ve been a solid fan for 6 1/2 months  and honestly stanning them is one of the best decisions I’ve made in my life, they’re literally like home, the MyDay fandom is one of the best with such kind people and I’m grateful to be able to experience loving Day6 with them.

I HAVE A LOT OF FEELS SO I’M GOING TO STOP BEING LAME AND END THIS NOW IF YOU READ THIS ALL WOW YOU THE MVP

Anyways I do have videos hardly no picture because I’m a video kind of gal so I will be posting a few soon, once I go through them all lol and stuff.

[rafespeaks]

ANYWAY RANDOM HEADCANONS B/C NO ONE ELSE IS ONLINE TONIGHT

< > - means my gf @turbomun typed it

Hau

Imagine bby Hau when his dad first left. Imagine how confused & devastated he must've been. Imagine him sending letter after letter with his mom's help but only getting a few back. Imagine one day the return letters just... stop. Imagine Hau and his mom continuing to write letters until they start coming back as 'return to sender'. Imagine Hau not fully understanding why and continuing to write letters anyway, but just not sending them. Imagine him finally old enough to understand, but he keeps on writing them anyway, just because it's a little therapeutic and it's become a habit by now anyway. < Eventually he just stops sending them and keeps them in a box. He decides to give them to his dad if he ever sees him again. >

I've been thinking about how Hau may have met Nalani over the past few days, and what the circumstances might've been for Hala yelling in front of him, and just general bby Hau stuff. And I came up with some loose headcanons concerning that stuff. Hau used to go out and play with the Pichu around Iki Town all the time, and there was one that always seemed to love hanging around him no matter what, and it just... followed him home one day. Hala never liked Hau going to play with the Pichu because not every wild Pokemon is so friendly. He always lectured Hau about the dangers, especially of overaggressive Pokemon like you see charging at you in the grass and from bushes and shaking trees. Hau never really got it though - he was too young and all the Pokemon he'd met so far were friendly! This led to him getting too close to Hala's Tauros when it was worked up one day. It could've killed him and Hala was so scared for him and angry at his disobedience that he ended up shouting. This resulted in Hau being afraid of pissing off not only Hala but ANY kahuna. This is also why he says he couldn't ride a Tauros once Tauros is registered in your Ride Pager, though he's confident enough by the end of the game to learn to ride from Hala (as seen in the credits picture). (Typed on Feb. 11)

Some Hau headcanons no one asked for: He is gender fluid, tho he usually defaults to he/him. His assigned gender is male, though he would sometimes feel like he was a girl even from a very young age. He'd also get annoyed when people assumed he was just playing and pretending to be a girl. So when he first heard the terminology, he was ecstatic and was like "YES I'm THAT!!!" It was a similar story for him being gay. His first ever crush was on Ilima when he was six. Ofc, Ilima is a little old for him, so he eventually grew out of the crush and is simply Ilima's friend instead. Typically, Hau stays the same gender all day, but he has been known to switch. Especially after he's listened to a song he likes that has self-referencing pronouns. Bonus Hau/Gladion headcanon - if Gladion really DOES teach himself guitar, he'll change the pronouns in any love songs for Hau's current gender. Hau loves him to death for this... (Typed on Feb. 13)

Random headcanon: Typically, when Hau gets tired, he gets more active rather than less so. He turns all giddy and bouncy and it's really hard to get him to sit still unless he's in a bad mood or was sitting still already. So when he was younger and he started bouncing off the walls more than usual, that was his family's signal for 'okay, bedtime'. (Typed on Feb. 1)

Gladion

< ok but would Gladion play the acoustic guitar like a True Edgelord™ > OMG HAU WOULD M E L T < HAU STUMBLES UPON GLADION PLAYING GUITAR AND STOPS TO LISTEN > HE WOULD BE SO FLOORED LIKE "HOLY SHIT I'M SO IN OVER MY HEAD..................." < EVEN IF GLADION WAS A COMPLETE AMATEUR AND COULD ONLY PLAY WONDERWALL > (Typed on Jan. 29)

Red

Valentines Day shenanigans -  Red would probably put a lot of thought into every aspect of anything he got Green, INCLUDING the card. < He would make his own with construction paper and 2/3 a bottle of glitter Glitter is all over the apartment for the next 6 months >  RED U CHEESY BOI................  IMAGINE HIS POKEMON HELPING HIM. GLITTER ALL OVER THEIR CLAWS/PAWS/HANDS. ESPECIALLY HIS SHINY RAI < AND MEWTWO > Lol, Mewtwo would probably use his psychic powers and not even pick up the bottle. ... but then Raichu would smear him with glitter on purpose. GLITTER FIGHT!!!!! By the time it's over Red is just like "... this was a mistake..." < Green comes back like what the FUCK > (Typed on Feb. 12) + extra from another time  IMAGINE RED MAKING A SPECIAL CARD FOR GREEN EVERY YEAR................... BONUS: GREEN DOESN'T EVEN REALIZE HE'S THE ONLY ONE RED MAKES A HAND-MADE CARD FOR & THAT ALL THE OTHER KIDS GET THE STORE-BOUGHT STUFF.

< When Red was a baby, he hated feeling like he was alone at any time. He easily fell asleep in just about anyone's arms, but wouldn't sleep in his crib unless he was given a stuffed toy or a soft blanket to cuddle with. Because of this, his parents always referred to him as a "snuggle-bug" > (Typed on Feb. 21)

(Not technically Red but...) -  Btw!!! Plot bunny I forgot to tell you about!!! Imagine Mewtwo helping Raichu out with her newfound Psychic powers. B/c it's tough, he knows. Imagine her accidentally broadcasting her emotions tho it's always way more subtle than Mewtwo b/c she's not nearly as strong as him. Imagine she's so used to life as a Pikachu, she often forgets she even has psychic powers now. Sometimes she rolls onto her tail in the middle of the night and it starts floating and when she wakes up she's so startled she drops herself. IMAGINE PSYCHIC CHOCO CHU PROBLEMS < Mewtwo teaches ChocoChu about controlling her hovering and one day Red comes home to her nyooming around the house > Red just like "Holy heck you can do that now???" < Also Mew decides that ChocoChu is A Friend > ChocoChu is a Friend to Everyone (Typed on Feb. 27)

Lyra

I was looking for Japanese terms of endearment and... "Another common one is to use a suffix based upon some sort of adorable trait, like -rin or -pon, that as far as I can tell is based upon some part of their personality and/or physical appearance--for example, if a child was a particularly chubby baby, -pon might have stuck (used after a vowel sound, like 'Aki-pon', for example)"  LYRA-PON......... < LYRA-PON!! > Also apparently the Japanese don't really use terms of endearment...?? Just... nicknames. But still, that was a good find.

Silver

... Sudden Silver headcanon. He yells a lot ofc but he can't really take too much yelling himself. Especially if it's directed at him from someone he cares about. < ...what if when Silver gets yelled at by someone he cares about, even if they apologize later, he tends to crave some kind of physical affection from them so that he knows they still care about him Not that he'd show it but he wants to be loved > < If u fight with Silver, the best thing to do afterwards is give him a hug > Yep... He'll probably stiffen up, and then cry into ur shoulder for a little while, but it'll have him feeling better a lot faster.

Tbh I can't really see Silver conforming to labels. He was born a boy, that's what he's used to. Call him whatever you want, he doesn't fuckin' care, but he won't go out of his way to correct you. He's just like "whatever". < He alternately describes his gender as "whatever" "who knows" and "yes" > LMAO YES < "What is your gender?" "yes" > X P I just felt like Silver's so confident in who he is as a person, he wouldn't actively ask anyone to change the pronouns they use for him.  < "Are you a boy or a girl?" "I'm a Pokemon trainer" "yeah but what is your gender" "who knows" "but what's in your pants" "my PokeBalls" > (Typed on Feb. 13)

< Random and unexpectedly cute headcanon/idea thing?? Not something we'd ever RP but just something that popped into my head: Giovanni has to teach Silver how to shave >  AHAHAHAHA Y E S Silver still hates cutting ANY of his hair but he hates having facial hair even MORE < Especially because pubescent facial hair is so UGLY AND GROSS LOOKING, finally one day he can't take it anymore and goes "Dad can I borrow your razor" And Giovanni is like "?? you're gonna shave?? well I have an extra razor but not so fast, I'm teaching you how to use it first" > Silver's just "UGH FINE JUST PLZ MAKE IT QUICK - THIS STUFF IS PISSING ME OFF" < You have just saved yourself many scratches down the line, believe me" So Giovanni is teaching him and at one point just comments, "you're lucky you have a safety razor. I had to learn using a straight razor which looks like you're trying to commit suicide every morning" > And Silver's just like "Yeah whatever, as long as I get this shit off, I don't really care what does it." < Father and son bond over complaining about goddamn fucking facial hair and Silver must have inherited his dislike from Gio because Gio is the most clean shaven guy EVER, he shaves every day no matter what "Shaving is what separates us from the cavemen son" > L M A O NO WAIT IMAGINE SILVER TEACHING ETHAN HOW TO SHAVE NOT LONG AFTER THAT < oh my GOD Ethan would grow a Baby's First Mustache and not even notice until Silver and Lyra go "what the fuck is on your face" > H A A A A A < Silver "Ethan I'm gonna show you how to shave. My dad says that this is what separates us from the cavemen." "...but what if I want to be a caveman" > "THEN YOU CAN SAY GOODBYE TO ANY POSSIBILITY OF KISSING ME" < "JUST KIDDING LETS LEARN TO SHAVE" > (Typed on Feb. 26)

... Imagine Silver getting into book repair... Like he finds a really battered book at a thrift store or in a library or smth and he just can't leave it there. So he takes it home and works on it until it looks goddamn beautiful. And if it's a library book he takes it back (even if he was told he could keep it) and the librarian is??? Just??? "How the hell did you do that wtf" < THATS APPROPRIATE I KNOW WAY TOO MUCH ABOUT BOOK REPAIR > and I literally made a book 4 u :P (Typed on Mar. 7)

Giovanni

< Giovanni has a habit of saying "close the light" instead of "turn off the light." This has to do with the expression for turning off the light in the Italian language. >  ... Silver would SO tease him about it... All the time... < "hey dad did you remember to close the TV" "hey dad have you closed your computer yet" "hey dad you left the light open" "HEY DA > (Typed on Feb. 21)

My mom just showed me a picture of a bumper sticker on facebook that said "Proud parent of a great kid that is sometimes an asshole and that's ok". I immediately thought of Giovanni & Silver. < I want them to have one of those knitted cruets that says "God Bless This Asshole Family" > (Typed on Feb. 8)

< ok random thought but I've always had the headcanon that Giovanni drinks -- only in moderation, sometimes he'll have a glass of wine at night or sometimes a shot of something stronger if he's feeling anxious. but he usually doesn't drink in front of Silver and one day Silver walks in the kitchen and sees Giovanni pouring a drink and is immediately horrified "DAD ARE YOU AN ALCOHOLIC DO YOU NEED AN INTERVENTION" >

Lusamine

... What do u think of Lusamine having Lillie take flute lessons < She probably had a strict regimen of Approved Extracirricular Activities for her kids > Yup. Lots of classy instrument lessons probably. No art tho - too messy and you can't really measure art by 'perfection'. Reading fiction was highly discouraged. Lusamine would throw out books she didn't approve of. 'Play time' was allowed with her in-game team of Pokemon, though it was more like sitting quietly while they pet the Pokés. They probs know a decent amount about sciencey shit tho they weren't supposed to go near the labs. Perfect handwriting was stressed and Lillie can and does write in picturesque cursive (it is EXTREMELY rare for her to write in print). You could ask her to do greeting cards. Toys in general were more or less frowned upon, but she allowed them to have some as long as they put them EXACTLY where they go when they're done playing. If not, the toy is thrown away. Gladion has had more toys thrown away than Lillie. No videogames. Ever. No TV either. ... Damn I feel bad just writing this... < I mean, all that would apply only AFTER Mohn fucked off to PokePelago, and we don't know how old they were when that happened. > Y E P It would probably be at least... oh, say... five years? So Lillie would've been about six and Gladion eight. Yeah, I think that fits. Lillie can remember a time her mother was kind, before their father disappeared, so it couldn't have been TOO long ago. But it would've had to have been long enough for Lusamine to gather all the resources she would've needed to execute her plan.

Guzma

I gotta ask tho - what do you think Guzma and Hala's relationship was like when he was young? Because the text after you battle him seems to say they pretty much acted as master/apprentice for a while. ... I kinda wonder if Guzma respected him more as a father figure than his own dad... < ok but Hala has that temper right?? WHAT IF ONE DAY GUZMA DID SOMETHING STUPID AND HALA STARTED YELLING AT HIM AND GUZMA JUST CRINGES AND BACKS AWAY AND SUDDENLY HALA MAKES THE CONNECTION BETWEEN THAT BEHAVIOR AND THE FACT THAT GUZMA ALWAYS SEEMS TO HAVE CUTS AND BRUISES AND WONT SAY WHERE THEY CAME FROM >  OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO < AND HE IMMEDIATELY CALMS DOWN AND COMFORTS GUZMA AND ASSURES HIM THAT HE WOULD NEVER HIT HIM > I LOVE Y E S

< - Guzma and Luna commiserating bc Lillie left and Luna's upset and Guzma is like "ya I feel you there, my boyfriend left me and took up with some broad. I thought we had something special y'know?" > YYYYYEEEEESSSSSS < - Guzma and Kukui were dating after Guzma adopted his loud, brash, thuggish personality, so Guzma was never shy during their relationship...until Kukui broke up with him. Now he's a complete wreck in romantic situations. > S H I T......... POOR BOI......... < - Guzma legit thought that he and Kukui would be together for life, he never anticipated that they'd break up - and Kukui is the hardest person for Guzma to forgive after Team Skull disbands And yeah, it's gotta hurt to see your old flame get MARRIED > Just imagine how shitty Guzma would've felt directly after his first battle with Luna... Not only is Kukui COMPLETELY unfazed by seeing him again, but the man sends a KID who JUST MOVED HERE to beat down HIS EX BOYFRIEND......... < Like JESUS FUCK HE CAN'T EVEN BOTHER TO BATTLE ME HE THINKS THAT LITTLE OF ME?? I think Kukui is just kinda...disappointed that Guzma went down this path? Like he knew he could've been better > HE DOESN'T EVEN RESPECT MY STRENGTH ENOUGH TO FIGHT ME AS A FELLOW ADULT - HE HAS A KID DO IT AND SHE S T I L L BEAT MY ASS < KUKUI WAS PROBABLY TRYING TO SAVE GUZMA SOME HURT GIVEN THE FACT THAT HE COULD WIPE THE FUCKING FLOOR WITH GUZMA > Yeah... Guzma would be too hurt by everything that's happened between them to care that he's 'disappointed'

IMAGINE KUKUI AND SYCAMORE TALKING ABOUT RESEARCH OR SOME SHIT THO AND MAYBE SYCAMORE COMES TO ALOLA FOR SOME REASON AND HE AND GUZMA MEET AND GUZMA'S JUST LIKE "HOLY SHIT AND HERE I THOUGHT KUKUI WAS THE ONLY HOT YOUNG PROFESSOR AROUND" < GUZMA HAS A TYPE Kukui: Guzma, I'd like you to meet a friend of mine, Professor Sycamore! *close up of Guzma staring while "At Last, My Love" plays in the background* >

Y'know, I was thinking about how Guzma and Plumeria would've met the other day. I 100% bet you it would've been after Guz ran away. He's passing through Ula'ula Island with his Pokemon, trying to find a place to crash for the night. He comes to that trailer park area and ends up bumping into Plumeria. Literally. "Hey, watch it, asshole!" "You watch it, bitch - I'm walkin' here!" "The fuck you just call me?!" "You heard me!" "You wanna go?!" "Bring it on, miss priss!" Long story short, they get into a fist fight. Plumes throws the first punch because Guz has been taught not to hit girls by his mom but he's not opposed to self defense. And by the end they're just... completely winded and beat all to hell... And they just... "... You fight good." "Thanks. You too." "Hey. You wanna swing by my house and grab a soda or something?" "... Got any Tapu Cocoa?" And then next thing you know it's just... "Yo, Grams! This is my new friend, Guzma!"  < Guzma: "hey Plumeria wanna DISMANTLE THE OPPRESSIVE ESTABLISHMENT BY RAPPING AGRESSIVELY AT BUS SIGNS" Plumeria: "sure lemme just grab some popcorn" >

< In game: Faba is a challenger to the championship In RP: Faba is in FUCKING JAIL WHERE HE BELONGS Also Guzma will probably have to do community service at the very least > Yeah I agree... Wouldn't be surprised if he'd be under house arrest, too, which would explain his return to his childhood home. (Imagine him hiding the ankle bracelet from his mother.........) < Actually, I think there's a thing where you're allowed out in the community if you have someone supervising you at all times? Imagine Hala stepping up to be the Guzma Supervisor > I LOVE................... < He probably wouldn't be sentenced as harshly if he could prove that he was manipulated by Lusamine, but still...vandalism and petty theft and all that > Ye. Not to mention, y'know, takING OVER A WHOLE FUCKING TOWN... (How could he have even done that anyway?? Was it already partially deserted and the rumors are just vastly exaggerated, or...???) < I'm gonna take a wild guess here and say: Aether did it They did it to convince Guzma that allying with them could benefit both parties, plus it would give Team Skull a stronghold Which would be good for Aether when they needed Team Skull to do dirty work > Ye, they probably just straight-up bought the whole damn place. < And then sent their own members disguised as Skull grunts to drive everyone out and kick up the rumors. Which would make people avoid the town. > L M A O Hold on wait wait. I just got the greatest mental image. Imagine Guzma leading them RIDING HIS FUCKING GOLISOPOD LIKE A GODDAMN STEED THAT'D MAKE A FUCKING IMPRESSION!! X D < FICKJNG >

Currently RPing this -  Btw... I thought of something of my own... Guzma kinda got off easy with that trip to Ultra Space, right? Well, what if he DIDN'T...? I was thinking about how he was just hangin' out there and how he'd been briefly possessed by the Nihilego... And what if he really wasn't okay mentally - what if he was dissociating? And it becomes, like, a huge problem for him, and that's a big reason that he gave up on Team Skull and went home. B/c if the grunts are mainly teenage kids with nowhere else even remotely healthier to go, why the hell would Guzma give up on them unless he had to? Think about it. His Pokemon = Therapy Bugs... < GOOD!! THERAPY BUGS!!! > ONE OF THE ONLY WAYS HE CAN FEEL BETTER IS BY MAINTAINING CONTACT WITH ONE OF HIS BUG BUDDIES, ESPECIALLY GOLISOPOD......... < Wouldn't he have like...a minor version of what Lusamine has, almost?? His system wouldn't be swamped with neurotoxins but they still would have effected him. And I was reading about someone with dissociation issues and like...sometimes you can't remember what you're supposed to do?? Even if it's something super simple. The person I read about was like...she went to the bank, was gonna write two checks, but then after the first one she literally could not remember what she was supposed to do with the second one. > Yeah, I think he would've. Ofc, that would mean that the doctors that sent him home Fucked Up™ And huh... I'll have to keep that in mind... >:3 < Tru, but the doctors had never encountered something like that before. As someone who's been hospitalized, if you have no symptoms, they won't do extensive tests. And even if he had symptoms he would have been just like I Wanna Get The Fuck Out Of Here™ > Ye, tru. Guz was goin' home and AIN'T NO ONE GONNA STOP 'IM. Straight back to the mansion, plop down with his buggies and some room-temp Tapu Cocoa (b/c who can be assed to warm it up when you just came back from an alternate dimension where you've been dissociating & are now dead tired???), and then straight to sleep b/c fuck the world it can W A I T. < And Guzma doesn't strike me as the type to seek help if he has psychological warning signs. > N O P E... It would take a friend AND his bugs pestering him about it non-stop to get him to go see someone. Tho most of his buggies are nonverbal and he doesn't have a communicator anyway, so it's mostly flat looks and annoyed clicking sounds. < Lmao Luna translating tho "Golisopod thinks you're being a stubborn asshole" > "weLL FUCK YOU TOO, MAN!" >:CCC Imagine after Guzma challenges Luna and says he'll be waiting at the beach, he gets there and... just... "... The fuck was I doing...??" (Also "You tell my mom those 'rumors' are true, I'll kiCK YOUR ASS, KID") < Luna shows up "okay what do you want" ".....I don't....... remember.........." >  That's the first tip-off to anyone other than Plumeria & his parents that something's W R O N G < And at first she thinks he's joking cause "how do you not REMEMBER, you clearly had a good idea of what you wanted five minutes ago" > He just gets super annoyed and stressed out of nowhere "I don't fucKING K N O W, OKAY?!?! I JUST DON'T REMEMBER!!!" < And she just kinda jumps back like "ok Arceus fuck then I'm leaving" > And he just... doesn't know what to do b/c this has been happening a lot and it's NOT STOPPING.........

[cheerstocrazy]

Wahh

I’ve been feeling so sad lately bc I’m about to start my period, and last week I was nostalgic as hell for past memories. I’ve only been listening to Don’t Take the Money (unplugged version), Good Guy, and 89 (Bon Iver). It sucks to feel this way. Anyway, I think last week’s nostalgia was triggered by watching The Beauty Inside with Mary and Matthew. The date was just so sweet and intimate, and ugh I just wanted something like that in real life. So I thought back to my date right before I left to NYC, and how nice it was to be with someone so down-to-earth and upfront about his intentions. Someone who understood what I was going through and could recite my feelings back to me. I felt so seen (in the best way). I can’t believe he told me, “Why’d you agree to meet me before leaving? You’re at your most vulnerable right now? So anything is fair game, right?” I was still trying to process all my emotions that week so for him to realize I was at my most vulnerable made me feel transparent and like someone actually understood my current emotions. I was so taken aback that he was able to read me. Now that I’m home and don’t have much going on -- I think back to that night. It was a perfect date/night/finale before leaving. He was just such a good guy, I wish we could’ve stayed friends afterward, but I don’t blame him for not maintaining contact. I mean no one can really put their life on hold and wait for something that’s not even a guarantee. I just felt like the rest of the world ceased to exist that night and time stopped momentarily just for us. We didn’t skip a beat and he was just so curious and he spoke 3 languages (!!!!!!!) and was legitimately woke (!!!!) I remember us sitting at the taco place all by ourselves in the corner with our kind of strange seating arrangement. Eating messily and just chatting about random things like 2 people who had known each other a while. I think me leaving made us more uninhibited and allowed for us to really enjoy the 1 night we had. I wish it didn’t have to end, I really enjoyed how kind he was and sociable. Just an all around really great human. Any girl would be lucky to have him as a friend, let alone a boyfriend. I’m sure all his invitations and effusiveness were said out of hopefulness that this would continue when I got back. I wish what he said was true. He was so well-spoken and deliberate, which I really appreciate in a human, and it’s so rare to find that in a 20 something year old - especially a software engineer!! Ugh, I’m going to cry. Anyway, that was one of my favorite nights of this year, I’ll never forget it. It was the best date I’ve ever been on, and it came at a very strange time in my life. After the Snap guy and the Dr., I just realized that good guys who understand and vibe with me will be incredibly hard to come by.  My favorite moments of 2017: 1. Date with the Israeli guy before leaving to NY 2. (Best/Worst) Nice at Hair in the Dog where I threw up my intestines - the entire day. From eating Japanese food, walking through Brooklyn, finding that wicked cool bar with awesome views. Eating that bomb burger at the South American inspired place with arepas. Waiting in the Sbux to kill time and for a respite. Walking around Brooklyn lost trying to find a club. Going back to the weird bar in LES and being pestered by the Asians. Getting free drinks, ducking to escape them. Eventually running in the rain to Hair of the Dog. Stumbling upon Andrew (hot guy) who just took us into the group and bought us drinks. Dancing with Orr’s friend then him, the hand job (lol). Being piss drunk, then not knowing what happened the rest of the night.  3. Salt Flat weekend with the Brazilians. Will be one of my favorite weekends of life. They were the sweetest and funniest guys ever, I cannot believe I found them. I remember seeing them at the bus station in Potosi and thinking omg, one of them is kinna fat and if he lost some weight, he’d be skinnier. I saw they were eating hot dogs and a bag of chips. Just laughed to realize they were my roommates.  4. The jam sessions and dinner in Cusco.  5. Coachella weekend: Bon Iver, Justice, Porteon, Jai Wolf. Having Julian take care of my the entire set and just swaying with me and keeping me afloat. That was absolute euphoria and a nightmare for me.  *Bon Iver ft Francis - Friends (MY FAVORITE CONCERT MOMENT EVER!) 6. The bar by PP’s apt with the fucking disgusting couple making out for 3 hours. Camaraderie is everyone in the bar clapping, snapchatting, heckling that couple.  7. San Pedro de Atacama - absolutely everything in that desert took my breath away 8. FWB Dr. those 2 weeks were pretty fun to have someone on speed dial to hang out with 9. The marathon 15 hour workday with Kathy and Daniel when we were delirious and literally just putting binders together for 5 hours.  10. Going out with the Chileans to Ex-Fabrica, the taking photos snafu lmao 11. Hanging out with Tiare on my last night in Chile. That was so fun to get day drunk and just eat and walk around.  12. WATCHING THE KILLERS FROM THE ROOFTOP IN AUSTIN!!!!! ZOMG WTF!!! 13. Gorillaz set!!! at ACL 14. I think I ran a 7+ miler this year.... 15. The Huaraz hike, sinking into the mud, standing around each night to joke around with people.  16. The entire day at Machu Picchu which WAS TOTALLY SURREAL AND MEETING THAT GROUP OF PERUVIANS!! AND THE SHORT LIL MAN WHO LOVED ME.  17. Barranco!!!! I love that neighborhood so much!!  18. Going off-roading in Sedona with the random Canadian couple we met.  19. My cute as hell South African roommate!! Eek I loved him so much 20. Hiking Montana de Siete Colores 21. Staying with the cutest Peruvian family in Ica. MY HEART, I LOVED THEM. 

Best songs of the year: 1. Francis and the Lights - May I Have This Dance?  2. Rhys - Swallow Your Pride 3. Frank Ocean - Good Guy/White Ferrari 4. Bleachers - Don’t Take the Money 5. Banks - Crowded Places  6. Mura Masa - What’s It Gonna B? 7. Haim - You Never Knew 8. Lorde - Supercut/The Louvre 9. Odesza - Corners of the Earth 10. Jai Wolf - Starlight 11. Kehlani - Do U Dirty Saddest Moments of the Year: 1. August 2nd - getting the call from Eastridge to notify me that I’d been let go 2. March - Seeing Sal, getting anxious that entire weekend, having no appetite, just the lack of control I had over my body. Dealing with his texting. Getting my car towed. 3. My mother not talking to me for 8 months. That took a toll 4. Dealing with insurance for months on end to resolve nothing.  5. In Banos, Ecuador to have my parents sabotage me for the first time and tell me to come home. 6. Cusco, when my mother wouldn’t take a photo of my vaccinations to which I sobbed on the floor. 7. The endless professional shitting -- all the you’re going to get hired/promoted blah blah. Nope 8. June 13th - when Bryan told me he was leaving the company. My heart sunk.  Honorable Mentions:  1. Colombian straggler 2. Date with the tall ass weirdo who made me not date for 6 months afterwards lol 3. HEAVING AND PUFFING AND DYING AT LAGUNA 69 OMG KILL ME  This was such a hard year for me mentally, physically, emotionally. I’m looking back and even though I did have lots of good moments (due to my South America trip), it was mostly a year that tested me. I just felt like I got walked all over and was taken advantage of. I felt so small most of the year at work and like my value wasn’t realized. It was a lot of feeling hopeful only to get crushed immediately, which I guess is what life is. It was so taxing for me to be at work and just not progress professionally and getting lead on. I didn’t deserve that at all. My best couple of months came from me being laid off, so I guess there’s that silver lining? Boys wise, this year didnt’ work out too well, lots of ghosts coming back into my life and another unsuccessful year of dating. My mother and I didn’t speak to each other for most of the year, which was ridiculous. There was a really big life event this year, and I definitely needed her to be there for me, and she wasn’t. That’s a year we’ll never get back, and I can’t really talk about it without crying. She’s talking to me again, but you don’t get to shut me out of your life for 8 months with no valid reason to talk to me again like nothing happened. This isn’t how it works. I don’t think our relationship will be able to come back after that, especially post election. It was just a really hard time for me, and it would’ve been nice to have a maternal figure for venting. I guess that’s when your friends come in. I remember being in the jacuzzi talking to Tam, and she told me about what my mom said and how she felt while I was away and like her heart sunk. And I was like what about me??? I don’t even know why she’s upset. I just teared up, I couldn’t take it anymore. Especially after my trip, and coming back to reality. I just wanted to disappear for most of this year because I felt so insiginificant, and that’s why I ran off to South America. I wanted anonymity but under my call, not someone else making me feel invisible. All I wanted this year was to be seen and heard, and that rarely happened. This was such a hard year for me, I still can’t get over how difficult it’s been. At least I sleep a lot not and am not stressed out. I need to move.  2018 goal: MOVE OUT OF CALIFORNIA!!! 

[ramentravel]

20170430

Wulai is LIT how come I aint ever been here before!!!

We started the day off by going to bitan!

Couldn’t find my old socks so I wore my new ones.

THESE ARE SO CUTE I LOVE.

I actually went to bitan four years ago with jobo and steven and damn did we have an adventure. I’ll honestly never forget that day lmao

mrt was empty on the way over so i snapped a pic!

This time my parents and I took it easy by just walking around and crossing the bridge!

It was bright and sunny in the morning so I was actually pretty hot. This time I put on sunscreen and used my umbrella at almost all times though lol

Since it was hot we stopped by 7 eleven and got some ice cream! Since I got one of the ice creams I always used to get, this time I decided to get the other.

It was so good omg, better than I remembered tbh. No wonder I used to get it so often

After that I was like “where are we going dad” and he was like “wulai” and I’m like “the fuck is that? I’ve never heard of this place, must be boring” but anyways we got on the grueling bus ride in which we stood for like 40 minutes on a swervy mountain road with rickety handholds and it was just. A mess. We got there in the end but I was in extreme mental and physical pain by the end of it lmao

BUT it was worth it cause wulai is totally gorgeous!

By the time we got to the marketplace it was already lunchtime but we popped into the aboriginal museum to check out the stuff there first!

It was very cool and had free admission! it was super informative and I’m glad we went. The facial tattoos that the Atayal people use is also really pretty!

After the museum we got lunch at some random restaurant that I didn’t take a pic of. BUT the food was actually surprisingly really good!

We got bamboo rice, purple rice, some fish thing, and two vegetable dishes. I thought it’d be too much for 3 people but turns out it was perfect since we finished it all and didn’t feel uncomfortably full! it was a little expensive but I can appreciate that they didn’t rip us off with bad tourist trap food. Like japan did lmao I SEE U JAPAN AND I CAN READ (SOME) JAPANESE OK

Anyways more scenery of wulai.

After lunch we were like… ok are we done or do we hike 50 minutes up to the mountains (keep in mind I am Weak and my mom’s knees aren’t doing so well)??? In the end we took a taxi up which was AMAZING and totally worth it. Saved my life. Saved all of our lives

At the top (I think?) we decided to take a cable car to the hotel at the top of wulai! It used to be a hotel called yunxian and it was constructed when mom and dad were just babies. It was a luxury hotel for $$$rich$$$ people and had amusement parks and gardens attached. I knew none of this so damn was I IN FOR THE TIME OF MY LIFE

So here’s pics from the cable car

Once at the top it was just… *100 emoji* weather was SO nice and it was just beautiful all around. Amazing foliage and wildlife and it was just… gorgeous. We spent some time just sitting there by the cable car and taking in the nice weather and everything. We’ve really been blessed on this trip with good weather; it’s going to get hot again tomorrow and then with the month of may comes humidity, mosquitos, and summer, BUT we won’t be here so we dodged it right in time!

But anyways. Back to wulai

this plant is so cute!!!!!!!!

Afterwards we began the stairs up to the hotel. There were a few cute landmarks along the way!

The small Buddhist temple seemed well-visited! I’m glad it’s not neglected.

We even saw little statues on the cliffside! This pic was taken on a steep rock; idk how anyone got them up there!

After a few hundred steps (probably over 200 but idk for sure tbh) we made it!!

Saw a dragonfly by the bathroom. It was huuuge

We spent some time with our feet in the water but actually it was FREEZING COLD though I got used to it after a while. My feet turned bright pink lmao

Honestly I can’t remember all of the sections of the hotel/resort so I’ll just picdump nau

Lovers’ swing except im single :(

This was a very unstable looking bridge that we crossed anyways. The handrails had rusted and broken off and the concrete foundation was crumbling a little bit, but to my surprise my parents just walked on it like it wasn’t a big deal. It was pretty high up and did not look safe… but whatever. It was very fun! And it led to a beautiful train-track kind of forest… thing. Very Ghibli

#aesthetix (i’m actually looking at a very large ant on the post)

The amusement park part was probably my favorite! The resort is (probably) not used anymore and all of the equipment is old and unattended so it has a post-apocalyptic feeling to it. Y’all know I’m all bout that. BUT the best part is, IT’S ACTUALLY STILL IN USE like you can pop in some money and go on these rides for real!!! I didn’t do that tho I just took some pics

There are some old stages in use too! Accompanied by fish and black swans. Only time I’ve seen black swans was when we were visiting that chiang kai shek garden with black army swans I think. Nts maybe I can find that blog post in helloformosa? Edit: FOUND IT!

I had a BLAST at the archery “field” which apparently I didn’t take a pic of (took plenty of videos though!) dad and I both tried and we were pretty consistently good! It made me wanna do archery again L it’s so fun and the weight that I got was so light I was like “damn I can do this” lol

Three games of archery or paintball was 180! so we went for two rounds of archery and one round of paintball

On second thought maybe paintball isn’t the best word to describe this but whatever. This was fun too! More of dad’s thing I think lol

last few pics of wulai!

After that we went back down the cable car and took a taxi all the way back to xindian (where bitan is and where we started our day)!

Taxi driver was super funny; she is an aboriginal herself and talked a lot about her job and family and customs… she talked NON-STOP. I fell asleep for most of it but she said that her family still goes hunting (but not often) and she used to accompany her father to hunting sessions! And she and her family still speak the aboriginal language. They also eat the traditional foods, like the bamboo rice we had but she said that traditionally it’s just white rice, not the sticky rice we ate with meat and other condiments! It was very interesting and she had a very cute and easy-to-understand accent :)

Once we got to xindian we took the jieyun back to Taipei so we could go explore Taibei dixijie!

Aka

Otaku hell

Or heaven depending on how u wanna look at it

All these brief pics of figurine storefronts don’t even capture the true scale of all the figurines. There are SO MANY of these shops. I didn’t go into any as 1. I don’t collect figurines, 2. I am done getting my friends gifts (FINALLY), 3. I’m with my parents and if they go in and see these titty nee-chans with their plastic panties out for the world to see then they will smite and disown me so no thanks

It was fun though and we did buy a few things! Mostly hygiene stuff (got some brush thing for cleaning and some nail stuff) and some more earrings… they’re so nice here I can’t help myself lol

ALSO GUESS WHAT I SAW!!!!!

Is this familiar? EDIT: turns out today i went to bitan and taipei dixiajie. and when i went with steven and jobo, i went to bitan and taipei dixiajie in one day too lol

We didn’t go in. again

This time we decided to eat a little bit before heading to a night market so we went to some random 鍋類 place which was actually surprisingly delicious. And it was only 119 kuai so like 4 dollars? I didn’t even finish my rice and it also came with unlimited milk tea or lemon black tea. It was so good fml

After semi-filling our tummies we started to make our way to the night market!

On our way we saw this beautiful temple… honestly it was stunning; seems like it’s not popular though L it has stone-carved walls like longshanshi does!

And then we made it to our destination: ningxia yeshi!

these shrimp were HUUUGE

the line for this rice-stuffed squid was so long!

it’s literally in front of an elementary school wtf

Today I was feeling much better and had an appetite so I got lots of food! Takoyaki, huasheng quan bingqilin, and jidangao!

Everything was so good fml I love it :’( why did I have to get my appetite back on the NIGHT I leave Taiwan???

It also occurred to me I haven’t gotten bubble tea on this entire trip cause of my stupid indigestion problem and I thought it was too hot to get a milk drink so I always got that grapefruit drink instead. FML I REGRET IT I HOPE THERE WILL BE ONE MORE CHANCE SOMEHOW

EDIT: actually i got bubble tea at sharetea once in jinshan!

We stopped by the mitsukoshi and shops by zhongshan jieyun zhan and I got some skincare from too cool for school! Which is apparently an American brand wtf

We also got bread for breakfast tomorrow!

And I also stopped by banila co to get some clean it zero, too UGUU SO MUCH MONEY SPENT IN SO LITTLE TIME

After that we came back to our bnb and this is the last night we’re spending in Taiwan! Ok now that I think about it more, it just gets more and more depressing lol

I love this place so much :’( I didn’t cry like I thought I might when we landed but I sincerely love it here. Tbh at first I felt extremely out of place but I’ve gotten more comfortable since (maybe after I got my hair cut? Lol) and now I feel sad to leave. But I know japan will be super fun and I’m looking forward to eating all the good food and seeing the CUTE SHIT there!!!! THE TRUE MOTHERLAND OF GUDETAMA AND

SAUCE.K!

DON’T WORRY I DIDN’T FORGET ABOUT HIM!

I will update tomorrow hopefully! Fingers crossed japan goes well!!!!!!

GOOD NIGHT!

[nanjingmakyu-blog]

Today is 28th January..

..which means I officially left the UK 5 months ago today. So yeah, my plan of writing everyday hasn’t exactly gone to plan.. in my defence, when we first arrived it was a fucking bitch trying to get VPN sorted on my Macbook so I didn’t end up using it for like a month. And then when it was sorted, I was like maybe it’s too late now..

But fuck that I wanna write so I will write!! But first, a runthrough, month by month, of what has happened so far:

August/September:

Me and Ella arrived 29th August and me being me decided after travelling for 26+ hours to get trashed in Talking with Heli, James, Nick and Lawrence and then ended up not even staying in my own room on my first night here lmao. And finding out all the drama that happened between Em, James and Abbie, I should have realised that these events were probably going to foreshadow the general vibe of the year hahahaha. DRAMA.

Arriving at Shanghai after a 12 hour flight from Heathrow and it then taking 9 hours to get from Shanghai to Nanjing. And being 累死了 and everything being hot and stressful. And having a random man on the street get us a taxi cos we had no idea what we were doing lol. And NONE of the taxi drivers at 南京南站 taking us cos we had too much luggage like FUCK YOU 操你妈. BITCH. My fucking 50kg+ of luggage has now essentially doubled and I’m wondering how much I can pay to hire someone for the day to carry it all for me on the way home lol.

Broke up with Adam. Long time coming. Didn’t go well. Proceeded to remove him from every social media and block his number. Overreacted slightly.. but whatever. Just hope he can find someone new and TREAT THEM BETTER. Lovely lovely man but so clueless maximum.. thanks for teaching me all the Singlish though babe hahahah. Wish him all the best.

Met Adrian and Cassie. Proceeded to have my first experience of fucking in the same room as someone else. So pleased to have shared this experience with Ella <3

Started class and quickly realised that starting class at 8am is HARD, UNPLEASANT and IRRITATING. Class fucking sucks and it’s boring, Kouyu is bearable because our 70-year-old teacher essentially just talked and 对不对’d the entire time. And also grilled Knarik at every possible opportunity about Armenia and it’s people and it’s GENOCIDE. Fucking Chinese have zero tact whatsoever lmao. Zonghe can fuck off and die, the content is dull and although 陈老师 is cute and pretty and looks like SinB from GFriend, she’s a shit teacher. Tingli is the absolute fucking worst because it’s SO FUCKING BORING. The only thing I can remember is legit “孙儿”, and 安然 is mouthy little bitch with an attitude problem like fuck off don’t fucking patronise me you’re like 24. Cunt. The only positive thing to note is that we essentially did zero work and attended like 50% of class and still got wonderful grades because we all cheated on our exams. Sorry bout it :)

Aron was here for like 3 weeks and then left to go back to Korea which was the fucking best thing ever because I got my big ass room all to maself yeeeeeee. And he was nice don’t get me wrong!! But boring as fuck lol and never left the room and I swear for like the whole time I never stayed in the room for like the entire weekend.. cos we were going out Friday and Saturday night every weekend and I just always ended up staying with Em or Ella (and Sophie, sorry forgot you existed you judgemental bore <3).. but then I remember when we went to Shanghai in October I was expecting him to be home when I was back cos it had been like a month after he left and he said he was only going for a month.. but then weeks and weeks went on and he never returned!!!! And well let’s hope it stays that way because I’m very accustomed to living alone now :) this is my room, my pictures are on the walls, my Twice poster is on the wall, get out :) don’t come back Aron :) ever :) 

It was HOTTTTTT. Everyday was so so so hot. On one of the first days here, I remember we went to ICBC to sort our bank accounts, and I was wearing my white Vans top. And I was still fake tanning. And I sweated.. and my top fucking turned ORANGE. So I had to walk in like 35 degrees heat with my backpack on my front to cover up the fact that I was essentially melting. I stopped tanning soon afterwards.

Dyed my hair for the first time ever!! First was like ugly brown/red then just got darker and darker until was black and now I decided black suits me best so will continue to dye black. black black black black.

Got iPhone 7 because I am 小公主 spoiled little bitch maximum. :)

October

We went to Shanghaiiiiiiiiii for the first time!! It was soooo fun. Girls weekend Girls DAY PARTY~~~!! The airbnb we stayed at was beautiful but expensive. And then we went out on the Friday night and Em got fucking slapped in the face by some Chinese guy like wtf. Screaming “Angela.. ANGELA!!!” as it happened lmao. And then trying to defuse the situation and the guys started trying it on with me lmao bye. Other highlights include me and Heli being so drunk that we cried in the street cos no one would have sex with us :(

Halloween was fun.... was it? I can’t really remember. I looked good though lol, and I started wearing circle lens again.. now wear everyday and feel v ugly without lol, the struggle.

Heartache with Adrian and decided around this time that I don’t like men and don’t want a boyfriend for a long while now..

November

November was a weird month.. probably the lowest month I’ve had here and probably will have here. Hopefully. Started to really miss home and just felt frustration of class, mundane life and being tired all the time. Lowest point crying to Em in my room cos my power was off. Glad to be out of the dip though now.

November was like actually really boring, like I can’t remember much of what happened. A lot of drinking. A lot of 1912 several times a week lol. I’d kill for 煎饼 right nowwww~~

December

Exams started and everyone panicked but we ended up cheating anyway and getting great results lmao, so it’s led me to believe that I’ll put in even less effort next semester.

Fucking off the class meal after exams had finished and being questioned why we (Me, Ella, Em, Junyoung) didn’t attend and having to skirt around the obvious answer of “you’re all a bunch of cunts”.

We went to Shanghai again, this time Me, Ella, Nick, Em and James. Getting James to come was like pulling teeth as per usual but then when he did he seemed to have a good time. 

Christmas in China wasn’t too enjoyable because I had the FUCKING FLU. Seriously it was like the worst I’ve felt in years, never will complain about others being sick again lol. Went for the worst Christmas dinner of my entire life at the Australian restaurant and then the bitch wanted us to pay 220块 for the dinner each. Needless to say wasn’t having it and argued it down to 180 lol, and then went to bed and slept and couldn’t go to Maxim’s party :(

ME AND EM WENT TO KOREA. It was like a dream come true wtf. My 6 year long dream of being a KPOP star was realised and it was perfect and wonderful and COLD but still amazing and I wish I was there right now.. I spent so much fucking money though but whatever, the shopping and the food was all sooooo gooooood. And Junyoung was a great tour guide too. Went to all the sights and met Heejeong, Nahyun and Jaechui on one day. I miss them all so much but especially you, Park Junyoung :( But I will go back definitely, and take everyone else with us next time.

January

Coming back from Korea was a NIGHTMARE. Went outside the airport in 西安 for a cig and then not being allowed back in for 2 1/2 hours. Had to wait in a fucking bus terminal, freezing cold, no phone charge. Flight then delayed even further. Came back to Nanjing with the feel of death v apparent :) and also suffocating on the air because of 5 days in clean, beautiful Seoul~~

Stayed in Nanjing for about a week until me and Ella decided that we couldn’t cope with the cold and the boredom so we booked a holiday to Sanya in 5* hotel and flights for £350!!! Then we we arrived we got fucking upgraded to a suite and it was beautiful. We spent the week just chilling out and the weather was so perfect. So sad to come home but so happy to be reunited with Em, Nick and Heli again :3

And that’s the T!!!