#like with the 80s ones the canadian one would be like oh this canadian actor is in this show that's cool or we interviewed this chill guy

[craneboys]

Frasier-related US TV Guide Covers 🇺🇲

1987-2023

Via the TVGM Cover Archive

[thehitchhikerguide]

Season 2, Episode 4: And If We Dream

This episode is not that great, but I did like it better on second viewing than the first time I watched it. I wasn't sure what to expect after the opening credits.

Cornfields? Oh no is this a Field of Dreams rip off?

Wait a minute, where do I know that name from? Oh right he was that actor from that Christian show 7th Heaven who got into some troubles. I had to actually look up what he did because I had thought it had something to do with child pornography. Turns out he actually exposed himself to a couple of really young girls under the age of 14. Oof I wish I didn't know this.

We open with the main character actually driving the Hitchhiker and dropping him off. I guess all that time in the city and he needed to spend some time in Kansas. Or at least the Canadian version of Kansas.

Here we find out our "hero" is Todd Field a high school teacher that is about to meet temptation and if he gives in to it, the lesson he'll learn is one he never dreamed possible. Dreamed, heh heh.

Temptation? I'm hoping this is not going to hit too close to home.

Why is the Hitchhiker walking in a graveyard? Is this where he wanted to be dropped off? At least it's understandable how the Hitchhiker would know about Todd, since he did spend some time with him in the car. However how he knows the dream stuff...well that can't be explained.

Oh God I really hope this isn't a picture of his victim he's holding up.

Turns out this guy is a photography teacher in a rural high school. But he wants to do so much more. A mysterious wind blows into the classroom...

And knocks some photos on the floor so one photo is revealed.

Intriguing. He talks about it in class and finds out that the photo belongs to a sexy student named Roseanne. She bothers him for a ride home.

Get a good look Costanza?

I see where this is going...young teacher, the object of school girl fantasy. Also of note, is the incredibly skinny 80's tie he is wearing here. Haha, you can see why that style died.

He goes home and then is an asshole by talking over his wife as she is trying to have a professional call. He is reading some rejection letter loudly, while she tries to have a phone call with her actual job. That's helpful!

He looks through Roseanne's photos and realized she is a stalker.

Now it's time for the saddest school fair I've ever seen.

Roseanne takes a photo of some horse asses.

Then whatever this madness is, which looks like some band playing in a cornfield. Todd the teacher sees Roseanne and talks to her, probably because there are only 10 people at this thing.

A Magician shoots at a balloon which becomes a bird somehow.

Well at least the food looks good. Seriously though, who is going to eat all those rotisserie chickens?

And what is with this bright yellow cotton candy? Is it corn flavored? Is this something they have in Kansas?

One thing leads to another and they end up becoming intimate in a barn somewhere. I'm very thankful this woman doesn't look underage even if she is playing a character who is.

Yeah, this was pretty predictable. He tells her she tastes of peaches when he kisses her. I bet he says that to all the girls. Hmm maybe that was peach flavored cotton candy?

She seems pretty taken with this teacher, as she dances around her porch in the middle of the night.

Her mother comes out and tells her that when ever she gets worked up like this, there is always trouble. Now, we did learn earlier that she had to suddenly move and change schools, but we do not know of the details.

Full moon, eh? The witchy imagery is getting pretty strong.

Woah, I wasn't kidding. Here she talks to his picture while some mysterious object is next to her.

Great now it's Nightmare on Elm Street. Whatever she did, it causes him to have a dream of her where he gives her his ring. You think well it's only a dream, but then...

She teleported the ring through the dream. Kind of makes that shooting balloon Magician look like a hack.

He is totally freaked out because he doesn't know how she was able to take his ring in his dream.

Sorry but why is there a revolving door going into this classroom? It doesn't look like they are coming from the outside.

Well anyways, his warning doesn't work because the next night she summons powers of a Christmas decoration to work her magic again.

Seriously, I had one of these growing up. I never knew it had the power to affect other people's dreams.

They dream they are on a carousel this time.

Ha ha ha! I think that is that skinny tie from the other day! Funny it made it into her sexual fantasies.

Back at school he is pleading with her that it was a mistake they were together and to stop making him dream about her. She listens to him this time.

Just kidding, she is even more intense. In fact it looks like there are three of her now. For his next dream, she pulls him into the room from that photo he liked so much. But when he tries to leave, he is unable to.

She can be heard saying "You can't go back now. You are mine forever." Creepy stuff.

He sort of fades a bit like a ghost.

And then it just ends. The teacher is not coming back so they are having a substitute come in. I guess he is never seen again?

The Hitchhiker can be heard in voiceover that Todd yielded to temptation with the wrong girl, whose dreams were stronger than he was.

I thought they were going to show the photo again with him randomly in it. But I guess she didn't trap him in the photo but in the dream...so what happens to him when she is not dreaming? So many questions.

Well with that abrupt ending, I have no idea how to end this blog entry, so I will leave you with this guy.

The supernatural elements were sort of interesting, although I can see it being an easy one to fall asleep to. Here's hoping the next episode is a bit more crazy.

[the-ghost-rat]

NO BUT LITREALY lumity is legitmently such an utter mess the more i think abt it that it lowky reminds me of catradora in a way(but not as bad) i would far rather they have willow and luz be end game, im not even a willow fan but its less insulting then luz instantly dating a girl who bullied her friend for years

Yeah i remember the song doing that n its still so weird to me how some ppl keep defending it-i highly doubt ppl would try to defend it if g1 did something like that

Oh yeah she was definitely implied to be Aboriginal, Aboriginal or Māori due to the tattoos on her dad, granted she would be biracial Indigenous & white due to her mom(her mom is a water nymph so greek) its weird to me how ppl keep insisting she was just a white girl in g1 cus of dumb reasons like her being blonde, having green eyes & “light skin”(shes just blue😭) when its obv she’s not , some ppl argue shes still implied Indigenous in g3 which while yes true Indigenous latines & Aboriginal/Māori folk arent the same and acting as if any representation of an Indigenous person is representive of all Indigenous cultures is weird af 😐 (also yeah your spot on about Brazilians-as a Brazilian myself its so frustrating how there is little to no representation for us likely due to us not speaking spanish, i was actually excited at first for lagoona being latina now cus the creature from the black lagoon is specifically located in the amazon which is in Brazil but turns out she wasnt)

My friend did note that both the mummy & the frankenstein monster in the classic universal films were played by the same actor which i think is a cute detail about clankie but i just overall cant say im a fan of it or at least how its tackled (the fans make the pairing even less enjoyable their so damn insufferable)

Yeah i agree about nefera shes such a nothing character now, it feels like they wanted to do helga & olga but didnt get why that one worked so well, the whole point of clawdeens siblings vs cleos sister was to show the differences between a healthy relationship between siblings vs a toxic one i mean hell clawdeen even had a big sister like cleo

Honestly g3 cleos voice is so damn funny to me cus its litrealy just amanitas voice😂

G3 toralei is so weird cus they obv wanted her to be punk w her first doll but were too scared to actually go there so instead they went more 80s glam and rave which just dont rlly work for toralei, i mean her band is litrealy called hissfits a pun on missfits a punk band yet like you said she just sings pop-rock songs, g1 toralei was definitely punk the only character & doll in g3 id say are actually punk is venus & welcome comittee frankie which is weird cus g3 frankie is supposed to be “DIY punk” yet they only ever dress in prepy fashion , g1s punk characters were based on a more toned down verison of punk yeah but they were still punk regardless

Tbh im canadian too n i dont rlly mind ghoulia being canadian not being mentioned much-mainly cus idk what they couls do to mention it 🤷🏽‍♂️ i also dont think a voice actor needs to perfectly match the characters appearance unless the character is disabled or has an accent cus we wont see them but also cus i care way more abt how they eruased her being autistic coded & had her speak, yes she “technically” spoke in g1 but not only are not all languages verbal ones(such as ASL) but also to the audience she was mute , alot of nonverbal autistic ppl noted that they communicate in a similar way she does besides she displayed other autistic traits like hating change , needing a schudule, having a special interest , struggling to express herself etc, only to now have all of that gone in g3 not to mention even her implied physical disability is removed in g3, she doesnt have a hunch n moves just like everyone else does most we get is “oh she needs a skateboard to move around better” which is such a dumb way to represent a mobility aid - i do fully understand foxford & bunny tho , i do think they should have done a better job at estiblishing them ceing icelandic n welsh at least give them an accent, but for bunny her having an actor w down syndrome is extremely important, down syndrome does effect someones speech pattern its important to make sure her voice actor has the same speech pattern as a neurotypical/able bodied person cant do that, granted i also am just in general burnt out on wereanimals in MH 😅 thats all we get now n its so damn lazy n boring, i would far rather if they picked an entirely different welsh folklore monster for bunny n made foxford something like idk a kitsune(just as an example) just anything but a wereanimal

Monster high G3 rant

Watching the TV series and I’m kind of disappointed.

This will be my second watch of season 1, I’m rewatching after the current season 2 episodes.

the show feels very flat in my opinion. They’ve given the characters a lot of cool traits, but they’re used for like one episode and then never brought up, or they only use one specific trait 24/7. Like Frankie in this generation, they have the ability to electrocute, extend their body parts, and they get visions from the people they’re made out of. Specifically they get visions from this one recurring doctor/ scientist. The idea is cool, but the vision literally is there to give exposition about something conveniently. Like when they are trying to solve the puzzle of clawdeens mom, Frankie’s vision just conveniently tells them what to do and how to do it.

In that same episode, we see manny taur. A Minotaur character. And right away we are just told that he’s good at puzzle solving, and so is draculaura! They’re rivals! But this is the first time I’ve ever seen or heard about draculaura being into puzzles, let alone her one sided rivalry with manny. And as the episode ends, she’s like “well you can be the rightful puzzle master” but it feels so flat. There has been no build up to this moment.

Another example is lagoona. In her designated episode, she is rooting for torelai to win the fear-leading captain over draculaura (another thing that has no build up as to why it’s important to her) lagoona explains that torelai is holding a secret over her head, and if it gets out she will lose her status as the fiercest monster in school. But this is the first time we have heard this!! In previous episodes there’s no mention of her being scary or fierce. Or even her super fast swimming skills. It’s just brought up and glosses over with a “be who you are, it’s okay to like what you want! We all have secrets 🥹” but there’s no real character development.

My last example will be the way draculaura is presented in this series. From what she tells us, she has high standards to live up to as a vampire. She needs to look good for her day so she studies endlessly and is striving for perfection. But she also has a love for witchcraft, which is banned in monster high due to its connections to humans. This can be a cute premise, but they NEVER show draculaura compared to any other vampire to show how she’s supposed to act. They never give us episodes where she blows off her friend’s shenanigans because it makes her look bad, and they never really show her dad being so overbearing. They don’t show us WHY humans are hated. And even though witchcraft is banned, whenever anyone finds out about it they’re just cool with it? No push back or anything. The only character to challenge draculaura was torelai.

This all may be very nitpicky, but MH is a character driven franchise. Character relationships with each other and their surroundings are very important to me. I want to feel the so called pressure these characters are being put under. It doesn’t have to be ultra serious 24/7, but issues get resolved within one episode and then rehashed a few episodes later with no further development. Especially with characters like Cleo and lagoona. They have been benched as side characters in this show, and side characters get much worse treatment.

‘The general episode progression is like this - introduce an issue, introduce a high stakes situation that involves the school, have all or one of the main 3 engage in a sequence of fights against this issue(or rapid solving of said issue through convince) - issue is resolved and lesson is told to viewers-characters reset for the next episode.

I know this is a children’s show, but that doesn’t mean it needs to have bad writing, not all kids are high off cocomelon. Kids deserve good writing in their media!

My next rant will be about clawdeen and her story this generation

[uglygirlstatus]

What is degrassi and should i watch it (because the screen caps you posted were hilarious)

Hehehehe thank you for asking, though you may regret it. Degrassi is an iconic long-running Canadian High School Drama that essentially invented the genre. Its roots stretch back to 1979 with The Kids of Degrassi Street, which was a season of standalone episodical dilemmas. From there it evolved into Degrassi Junior High and Degrassi High, featuring a more set cast of characters through the 80s and 90s. Admittedly I have not watched these earlier iterations of Degrassi, it’s something I hope to remedy eventually but just haven’t been willing to put in the time yet.

A decade or so after Degrassi High (and it’s spinoff movie) finished, the creators had an idea to create another spinoff based around the now-middle school aged daughter of one of the previous teen characters (who was teen pregnant of course). In 2001, Degrassi: The Next Generation first aired (the working title was the jokey Star Trek reference but then it just stuck) and my life 20 years in the future was preemptively altered. There are 384 episodes across 14 seasons. I’ve watched them all through in chronological order twice. After season 14, the show switched to Netflix for 4 seasons Degrassi: Next Class, however the characters and plot lines were just a direct continuation of TNG Season 14, so I effectively consider them seasons 15-18. A lot of people hate Next Class but they’re wrong. I’ve watched Next Class four times because I actually watched it multiple times before even starting TNG.

What can I say about Degrassi. Degrassi is amazing. They have covered every topic you could imagine, some with grace and respect and power, and some with less of that. I think a lot of what makes Degrassi special is the fact that they only hire actors for the teens who are between the ages of 12-19. They’re very clear that they’re striving for a level of realism that adult actors wouldn’t be able to bring to a teen character. Because actors are younger you definitely get performances that are sometimes questionably acted and extremely funny as a result, but there are also a ton of really amazing actors on the show that really bring their all to playing these teens who are going thru shit, which hits harder in turn because you’re like ‘oh you’re litrally a baby :(‘. Right now, between Jenette McCurdy’s book and The Rehearsal there’s (rightfully) a lot of talk about the ethics of child acting and whether the ends justify the means and I’m not going to use Degrassi as an argument for either side, but if it’s something you can handle watching, the cast and characters are really something special.

Anyway Degrassi is the peak teen drama and it’s a blast to watch and an even bigger blast to discuss with people. On my second watch-through I watched it with my sister who had never seen it, and we spent each week after watching just discussing every character arc and who we do and don’t like and (her) predictions for what was to come. It’s just good TV like it’s dramatic and funny and heart-breaking and uplifting and powerful and stupid and FUN. It’s zany and ridiculous but it’s also grounded in real emotions and real circumstances. I recommend it to everyone I know and they say “fuck you ali I’m not watching 400 episodes of a teen drama” and they’re wrong for it.

If you are actually considering watching it obviously the correct way is to start at the beginning and watch in order but also technically you can sort of jump in at different points since the cast changes as the show progresses. There are plot lines and characters from earlier seasons which are mentioned again in later seasons but there are also plot lines and characters that are completely forgotten so. In my opinion the best chunks of the show are Seasons 2-5 (for the heart) and Seasons 9-12 (for the drama) but honestly every season has at least some really good storylines and character moments so I would recommend watching everything!!! If you’re in Canada (and maybe other countries?) all the eps are available FREE on YouTube in HD as official posts from the Degrassi team. If you’re in the States, HBO recently ruined your free YouTube access and you have to watch it there now

Alternatively there is a really good YouTube video about Degrassi that I love that you can watch to see if your interest is piqued although there are some spoilers obviously. But not even spoilers for everything like it doesn’t even touch upon my favourite Degrassi plot line where the kids of Degrassi illegally purchase a human kidney

tldr: WATCH DEGRASSI

[channeleven]

Let’s Talk About Coconut Fred

I wouldn't say its been a while since I did a review, but there is a considerable gap between this and my last. A lot is happening in my life, I'm set to finish my last term in grad school this Sunday, I'm waiting for an update on a part time job and I'm gonna celebrate by binging some movies on Tubi and YouTube, and since I'm facing some writers block on my last assignment, I figured I'd vent about something.

Remember Coconut Fred: Fruit Salad Island? Me neither. It was that year I moved into a new house, at that point I was just watching Cartoon Network and never really had a reason to watch KidsWB. First I ever heard of it was by chance when I was googling KidsWB's program list, long before this show became a whipping boy of some degree.

I'll get into a contributing factor to me making this review later, but for now, back then I saw at least two episodes in full, Bad Apple, and something about a tropical resort. I had some experience with the show, and I still feel like there's little to show for it. But let's get right into it.

What is?

The mid-2000s saw a small rise in shows with overly optimistic main characters in summery or tropical settings, ballpark to around 2004 when the SpongeBob movie was released, or perhaps when the show was at its peak, before it killed everyone's brains. It's not definite, but imagine if other creators assumed the show was gonna end after the movie, and they wanted to create the next big thing to fill the hole set to be left, a lot of faces would go red over the hindsight.

The show is credited to two creators, Don Oriolo and Sammy Oriti, with development credited to Ray DeLaurentis. Oriti has a very thin filmography, to say the least. He is tied to two obscure films, and this is the only cartoon he ever worked on. Oriolo has a more interesting past, having worked on Campfire Stories, a cheap horror anthology which is notable for being where Charlie Day met Rob McElhenney, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

However, Oriolo does have some experience with animation, primairly working on The Twisted Tales of Felix the Cat and other stuff relating to the property. Oriti and Oriolo do have a big connection, where Oriti was given a special thanks on Felix the Cat Saves Christmas. Oriolo was also behind I Am a Gummy Bear, the music video and the movie. So, quite an oddball pair and one has dirtier hands than the other.

They conjured up a concept and pitched it to someone in the business, in this case, Ray DeLaurentis, and what has he done? Well aside from some work on the 80s revival of Alfred Hitchcock Presents and Providence, he created and wrote the Bubsy pilot, was a common writer on the later seasons of Fairly Odd Parents, wrote at least one episode for Bunsen is a Beast, also wrote for Shaggy and Scooby Doo Get a Clue, whatever was wrong with it, oh yeah, and he wrote Bah Humduck!, the worst Christmas Carol adaptation of all time.

On the upside he has also worked on Xaolin Showdown and Ozzy and Drix, among other stuff that may be considered decent. It seems beforehand he had worked at Warner Bros. Animation hence how this landed in KidsWB's crosshairs.

What makes this show interesting is that it features both American and Canadian voice actors. Our lead is played by Rob Paulsen, keep that in mind, and I believe one character was played by Danny Cooksey. For the rest, we have Michael Donovan, who has gone between American and Canadian productions, Brian Drummond, the first voice of Knuckles the Echidna, Tracey Moore, one point Princess Peach as well as The Geek from Sam and Max: Freelance Police, Kelly Sheridan, who played Diana in Martin Mystery, Britt McKillip, who played Hannah in the Scary Godmother movies, and lastly Eric Bauza, who just two years prior played Stimpy in Ren and Stimpy: Adult Party Cartoon, and would later lent his voice to Slab in Cans Without Labels, the final nail in the coffin for John Kricaflusi. He's also in far too much stuff to mention. He was once based in Canada, only appearing on Adult Party Cartoon because one of the studios behind the animation was based in that country, and the rest is somehow history.

What About?

This is a comedy involving an overly optimistic and naive coconut attempting to spice up life on a tropical island full of living fruits, and of course one guy will have none of it. It seems every episode operates in a bubble, nothing occurring being of any consequence in another.

The first episode I saw, I forgot the title of, and... it wasn't anything to write home about. It helped introduce me to most key characters, for however basic they are. Not even something made for kids in mind, but are you telling me three dimensions is too mature for children? I'm just saying.

However, it was when I saw another episode that things went south, and I became better acquainted to Fred's brand of annoyance, either that or I saw how weak the writing of the show could be. Latter first, they incorporated a running gag where a bully calls Fred a mean name, but it turns out there is an existing character with that name and Fred assumes that's who he's referring to. The former, it's how Fred goes about carrying out the jokes, naivety can only get you so far, and the only way its constant use can work is if the character happens to be aware of it and is just using it to get a rise out of people. I'm just saying, regardless of it being a TV show sometimes you go through something so many times you attempt to rationalize it so you can justify the time you wasted.

But cards on the table, that was the last episode I saw in full, I gave up on a third one and years later, someone did a review of the show.

That's really all I can say about the show, it's annoying and there's no nuance to it, the plots are too weak to hold over flat personalities, likely dumbed down for a lack of true thought, owed to pedigrees of mediocre productions, or in two instances, having little connection to the medium at all. However, that isn't to say a cartoon is automatically going to suck if someone involved has no experience, but that really only applies to writers.

For instance, there's an episode of CatDog, Sneezie Dog, whose writer only had credits to live-action productions, and that episode was decent. There's a Hey Arnold! episode, Magic Show, written by a novelist who had no other experience with cartoons. It can be done, but it depends on what you're bringing to the table.

This is basically the opposite of Mike, Lu and Og, as in compared to another show set on an island that is considered mediocre at best, this is worse than that. Mike, Lu and Og at the very least had more experienced animators and artists, or maybe I'm trying to say something nice about it before the influx of negative reviews bury it, and because I did a review of it that's now lost to time.

But to give a proper summary, this show is like a beehive on a tree well out of walking range. It isn't doing anything, and interacting with it is always gonna be consequential.

But that's not why we're here

There's a bigger reason why I decided to make this, and why it's classified as a "Let's Talk About" rather than a review. There has been an ongoing stigma against this show, which to this day I still don't understand. This is apparently a rip-off of SpongeBob SquarePants.

Now, look, I'm probably the last person who would ever consider something a rip-off. Hell, I unironically watch Irate Gamer and consider AVGN to be overrated and overprotected, why else do people suddenly not have the time to watch a documentary detailing a decline in quality? My point is, I've stopped taking the rip-off label seriously long ago, so when something is accused of being one, I'm always going to see it with some level of skepticism.

Which is good, because considering this show a rip-off is a stretch so big that it'd be easier to call MrEnter a rip-off of Spax3. It's enough to vindicate the sheer volume of stupid that hit Johnny Test, and many asses are still stinging from that era, at least people are becoming kinder to earlier seasons of it though.

Now, I didn't take it seriously at first, I just thought this was general idiocy on the Reception Wiki's part, which is where I first heard of it, but no, people are dead set on framing it as a rip-off.

But let's look into the accusations, or the bigger ones. They went out of their way to claim characters are rip-offs of others.

Coconut Fred is considered a rip-off of SpongeBob, the character I mean. Coconut Fred is not a frycook, let alone employed in a consistent job. He does not have any hobbies that consist of catching things with nets. He does not have a pet that is the equivalent of a cat. He does not have proper buck teeth. He does not have blue irises. He is not square nor is he a sponge. Also, you're basically implying SpongeBob is insufferably annoying if you think Fred is a copy of him.

Slip and Slide are considered rip-offs of Patrick on the grounds of both being idiots. They're two characters, they have a clear Southern drawl, and few strokes of genius. Otherwise by their logic, every dumb character is a rip-off of Patrick.

Mr. Greenrind, you would think would be considered a rip-off of Squidward, but no, people call him a Mr. Krabs rip-off. I've seen only one episode with Mr. Greenrind, he's not greedy, he doesn't own a restaurant, and basically you've never seen a grumpy man in your life.

This last one is absolutely hilarious, Bingo Cherry, a sentient cherry who can speak proper English and works as an assistant to the lead grump... is apparently a rip-off of a house pet. When I first heard the claim of this being a rip-off, seeing the reasons, I thought it was just an elaborate joke poking fun at the Johnny Test hate crowd, but no, this is considered serious enough.

Next, the setting, Coconut Fred takes place on an island, above water. SpongeBob takes place in a city, under water. Coconut Fred and other characters are fruits, SpongeBob characters are fish or some variation of existing sea creatures.

I'll give the Johnny Test crowd some credit, it's quite a coincidence that the smartest characters in that show happen to be red-heads with glasses, maybe that's why Slip and Slide were considered rip-offs based on that technicality?

But fine, I'll play your game, I'll go one ahead and say this isn't a rip-off of SpongeBob, this is more like a rip-off of Camp Lazlo, but let me explain.

Lazlo and Fred are insufferably annoying naive optimists, Chip and Skip and Slip and Slide are dumb as dirt twins, Mr. Greenrind and Lumpus are grumpy leaders of their base of operations and are at odds with the insufferably annoying naive optimists, and both have impish sidekicks who often side with the insufferably annoying naive optimists.

It's honestly hilarious how people are quick to suddenly make comparisons where they don't usually fit, but are just as quick to ignore more blatant similarities for other characters. For instance, Bessie Higgenbottom and Penny Leftowitz give off some clear SpongeBob and Patrick vibes, and I saw at least one person immediately deny it. Either people are blind or they want to protect those quirky girls Twitter users like to wax over.

Sorry about that tangent, I wanted to get that off my chest for a long while.

Now, you may be thinking that I'm ignoring an elephant in the room, that MrEnter probably got these claims going. But let me say this, he didn't originate many of the attitudes animation fans had at the time, he just helped them to spread. People have already hated Breadwinners and the new SpongeBob episodes long before Enter gave their thoughts, now yes, I hold him up for not helping quell those claims sooner, but there is one person who is consistently credited to getting the rip-off claims going, and what Enter probably referred to in his review.

Not a reviewer, not someone on the internet, but an industry professional.

Rob Paulsen.

At one point, Rob Paulsen claimed that the show was a rip-off of SpongeBob SquarePants, for some reason. Best case, he is unaware of how little braincells the animation community has, I mean why else does AniMat have a following? But look, if you think about either show, it is easy to see where either contrasts.

You compare this show to one where there're more differences than similarities if you think hard enough (which is apparently a sin in the animation community these days), and again, more obvious examples fly right over your head.

It has gotten to a point where people claim this is a rip-off based on Rob Paulsen's word alone. And with that, I'd just like to place myself on the hill I'm ready to die on. Rob Paulsen's an idiot. Either he didn't look deeper into where the claims come from, or he just wants to look cool for animation fans. Either he's stupid, or does not have any grasp on grander implications. He was the same guy who agreed to have any part in Doug Walker's career... I can't think of anything else.

Or maybe most SpongeBob fans aren't very bright. I mean, they can't even detect sarcasm, and they have idiots like MoBros and LambHoot assing it up without remorse. A lot of shit has happened with the SpongeBob fandom over the past few years, and Rob Paulsen gave them more ammunition with the most baseless idea yet.

I'm harping on this because it's dangerous to hold something against the show based on one man's word alone. It's one guy's word, we don't know his philosophy or reason for saying these things, and if it's a joke it would be spread so much that people would forget the meaning it originally had. I mean, for instance, Brian Posehn only dunked on Nickelback because they were overplayed on the radio, and you can fill in the blanks.

Final Thoughts

On any other day, this would just be an incredibly obnoxious show that is rightly ragged on, for better or worse. However, when people decide to base their views of it on what another said, it ruins the prospect, because half the time the grander context is sorely missed. I don't care what Rob Paulsen says, his word is meaningless because it was done for validation rather than seeing what he has done.

This is just a case of favoritism and ignorance. If this was considered a Camp Lazlo rip-off then that would be fine as that and this have too many similarities to ignore. To whoever got those crazy allegations going, I hope their career is as troubled as Cam Clarke's.

[phantomnostalgist]

I'm loving your posts, I hope the nightmares wear off! I've got a question about Cameron Mackintosh, did he have the negative reputation with phans back then as he's got now?

Thanks, Anon! I’ve been feeling better as the day has drifted into evening.

As for Cam Mack, I don’t think he had a particularly negative reputation amongst phans in my day, as he was more kind of a background figure. I don’t remember any particular fandom criticism being levelled against him, except when it came to the way both the show and particularly fans were utterly disregarded around the Phantom 10th anniversary (which I will rant about at length at some point!). But that was more about the corporate attitude than Cam Mack himself, and combined with criticism of ALW and the RUG. 

I do remember having already formed a somewhat negative opinion of Cameron Mackintosh Ltd as a company myself, though. I once wrote something, presumably in the fanzine, saying that compared to Livent, Cam Mack treated the actors like cattle - and got a miffed letter from Mr Mackintosh himself, personally signed, taking objection to this. Hahahaha. I wish I could find it. My mum sometimes reminds me of it, as she was extremely proud of me speaking truth to power on behalf on the working actor, though given she liked Margaret Thatcher in the early 80s I think this reflects strangely on my mother’s attitudes as well. 

But, uh, what was I saying? Oh yeah. Livent (the Canadian production company) did treat both actors and fans exceptionally well, though it turned out Garth Drabinsky (who ran Livent) was cooking the books, which he went to prison for. But sheesh, at least he put a lot of money to good use. Toronto Phantoms got a limo home every night, and the cast had a psychiatrist available to help with stress. 

Over the years since my remark about Cam Mack and cattle, I’ve heard a number of stories from former cast members of the early days of Phantom and Les Mis about him being a complete asshole, so I entirely stand by my comments and screw him. (Uh, I’ve dealt with my earlier fit of depression with a couple of shots of vodka...) I shouldn’t type any of them up as they weren’t told to me in anticipation of one day being retold on the internet, but I think some cast members of Les Mis around 1988 would remember an incident of major jerkfaced cockwomblry from Mr Mack.

And I’m calling him Mr because I have no respect for titles and enoblement. Bah humbug to that shit. Oh dear I’m very uncensored tonight.

And if any Cam Mack fans appear to ask me not to tag his name when I’m bashing him, lol, block me.

[houseofglass]

Some thoughts on The Stand, 2021 version on Amazon Prime. There’s spoilers, but dammit the book was released ages ago so buckle up.

I haven’t finished the series yet, I have two episodes left. But this was burning my fingertips so I had to type it out.

I read The Stand by Stephen King back in the late ‘80′s. It was released in 1978 and re-released somewhere around 1990 as an ‘uncut’ edition. The editor had decided to trim the book so it could sell better. My mom looked at the uncut version and said, “If the editor cut 150,000 words, there’s probably a reason.” I agreed with her - Stephen King’s best work was his novellas, not his long novels.

A television series was released in 1994. I thought it was earlier because the character Randall Flagg has a mullet, but nope, IMDB tells me that the above date is correct.

I remember most of the details of the book and series, although the series helped me to see the final battle properly. King didn’t describe it in a way I could understand at all and was confused until the show came out. I felt similar when reading The Handmaid’s Tale. I had no idea what the costume looked like and those hats were nothing like what I imaged from Atwood’s work. I try to keep these examples in mind while writing my own novel.

So when this new iteration of The Stand appeared on my radar, I made a point of watching it. But, alas, there are some problems.

1. Nadine must remain a virgin until she can meet up with Randall. Really? It’s 2021. A person’s virtue is not determined by the use of equipment between their legs. How does remaining a virgin make someone virtuous? Why is she allowed to participate in any other sexual act but not penetration? And why does this only apply to women? Is a man’s virtue intact if he doesn’t insert his penis into someone? No! Why? This also tangles the issue of nonbinary people. What if a woman has a penis but hasn’t used it? Is she virtuous? If a man with a vagina hasn’t used the equipment, is he virtuous? Does this stem from the ancient, outdated idea that people with penises masturbate because they ‘can’t help it’ and people with vaginas don’t because they ‘can help it’?

This might have been okay in 1978, but that was 43 years ago. I need to pause here and clutch my aging heart because I can remember 1978. Whew! Okay. 

This virtue bit is core to the show because Nadine must carry Randall’s child. But I feel like this could’ve been tweaked to better represent the times. Especially since the book takes place in the future, not present.

2. Las Vegas features rampant sex. This, in and of itself, doesn’t bother me. I’ve watched Netflix and HBO. I’ve seen sex, both integral to the plot and gratuitous. What bothered me was twofold:

A) The sex featured was public (in a nightclub, but still public) and people wore what could be described as BDSM gear. Lots of belts, black leather, fishnet stockings, lingerie, that kind of thing. This bothered me because they’re portraying ‘nightclub sex’ as something that ‘sinners’ do.

These people are in Las Vegas, on Randall’s side, therefore are the antagonists to the plot. Randall represents the Devil, where Mother Abigail in Boulder represents God. So people who enjoy public sex in a safe environment are sinners? In 2021? Similar question, so people who enjoy BDSM are sinners? In 2021?

B) The implication that if this kind of sex is allowed in Las Vegas, it wouldn’t be in Boulder. There, people have ‘vanilla’ sex, right? Not much is featured, but what is (or what I noticed) was hetero sex. I don’t recall seeing any poly couples in Boulder, or same-sex couples there. Why not? If they are there, why aren’t they more obvious? I tend to notice and am thrilled whenever I see nonbinary people in relationships or two men holding hands, but I didn’t notice it in Boulder.

3. There's a whole lotta white people. Other skin tones were sprinkled in, but not in the quantity I’ve become accustomed to. Since the diversity rider appeared for Canadian shows, I’ve noticed a much wider range of actors and it’s been delightful. I love seeing a First Nations person played by a First Nations actor. I love that I’m shown wonderful hairstyles for kinky hair. I love the intermingling of skin tones in relationships. This has become so normal to me that when there’s too many white people I notice, and not in a good way.

Here’s a sticky point to consider too: if I can’t see the difference in tones because the overall filming filter makes everyone look similar, this is a bad thing.

The main cast of characters is fairly diverse, but the background extras are not. Are they trying to convey the idea that mostly white people survived this plague? That would be insane. If I strain my brain I can recall some extras being on the lighter side of dark tones, but why should I have to strain to remember that? And if my mind is remembering the sea of whiteness, why? Because I’ve set my brain to glance at the background to ensure there’s a nicely diverse crowd, that’s why.

4. The religious aspect is troublesome. Yes, I’m aware that the book was written with religion in mind. The whole story is good vs evil shown by God vs Devil using humanity. I get that. But the Christianity irked me. I’m not religious, but I do know there are more religions out there besides Christianity. None are represented, that I could see. Instead, these characters dream of Randall or Abigail and go to where they feel the greatest pull. Good people go to Abigail, bad people to Randall. And yes, this was fairly well represented by having selfish people go to Randall and those who want a community go to Abigail.

But this is also a problem. No matter how good or bad you are (or think you are), you can change. You can decide to be different. This show pigeonholes people in a way that rankled me, with the one exception of a main character, Harold. He didn’t dream of either person, and was neither good nor bad. He just hadn’t found ‘his people’. I could identify with this facet of his personality because I know my behaviour is weird for some and not normal enough for others. It’s been difficult, trying to fit in to workplaces and friend groups, and is a measure of my neurodiversity and mental illness.

So here’s Harold, trying to be good, but has had a lifetime of not fitting in and not being included. He’s tried and failed. His behaviour is shown as someone who ‘just doesn’t get it’, and people around him tolerate him more than enjoy his company. He tries to be bad, mostly because he’s angry at the world, but he’s also good at heart. When the plague hits, he travels with Nadine to Boulder and joins the body removal crew. He even makes a friend. This tentative, tenuous friendship is torpedoed when Nadine kills the guy.

Harold is neutral, but he discovered the world can be decent. Rather than resolve this and show that there’s a place for everyone, Harold is killed. This bothered me a lot because there are people out there who just need a friend, they need someone who understands them and wants to be around them. Everyone wants that, and some people are gifted with the natural ability to make friends, but some really aren’t. For them, they spend most of their time knowing they’re disliked but not knowing how to fix the problem, or if it can be fixed. Killing this character off felt like a cop-out.

Back to religion. Imagine that you’ve been dreaming of a kind woman named Abigail, so you go to her only to discover that your religion isn’t represented in the imagery, symbolism, or icons. Instead, it’s another religion, equally good, but not yours.

Oh my, also, Las Vegas has no religious imagery that I can recall off the top of my head. There’s no indication of religion other than people nailed to crosses as you enter the city. Does this mean that if you’re religious you’re good and if you’re not you’re bad? In 2021?

This entire debate could have been avoided by not using religion as a base. Yes, it’s faithful to the book to include this aspect, but like I’ve mentioned, it’s 2021 now. Rather than good vs bad = God vs Devil, why not have: people who want to try to live peacefully vs people who want to take over and rule the world? This would be effective when done well.

To conclude, overall the show is not bad. It resembles the book and previous television mini-series quite well. The storyline is a bit current, what with a plague and all, but a lot of it feels so dated that I cringed away from my screen while watching.

If you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading my rant.

[rawiswhore]

Triple H, Val Venis x Fem Reader- “Mr. Steal Yo’ Girl”

The WWF's Attitude era of the late 1990's and early 2000's is even more successful and has higher ratings than it did during the 1980's Hulk Hogan era.

After years of dropping out of pop culture and nearly going out of business, the company's ratings are increasing more and more as the 1990's come to a close and eventually becoming the highest rated show on television, enough to eventually beat "WCW Nitro" in the ratings and win the Monday night wars as they're known as.

And it seems like the WWF's Attitude era has their own equivalents to 80's WWF stars.

Sable was the Attitude era's Miss Elizabeth. The Hardy Boyz are like an updated Rockers. Stone Cold Steve Austin is the Hulk Hogan of this era, despite not really having a character or gimmick like he does. The Rock is like a current day Rowdy Roddy Piper.

And Val Venis? He's easily the Ravishing Rick Rude of the Attitude era.

He's drawn several comparisons to the Ravishing Rick Rude, that's the wrestler he gets the most comparisons to.

Who is Val Venis?

A Canadian pro wrestler during the late 1990's who will always be remembered for playing a porn star on "Monday Night Raw".

But there's more to him than just playing a porn star, and there's other certain reasons why he gets comparisons to the Ravishing Rick Rude.

During a "Monday Night Raw" episode in 1998, Val Venis was standing underneath the titantron, cutting a promo at Triple H who was standing in the ring.

You previously were Triple H's bae and arm candy, but on a "Monday Night Raw" episode, Val wanted to show Triple H as well as the audience a new film he was staring in.

The titantron proceeded to show Val sitting shirtless in a bed in a hotel room, where a thin white blanket was covering him up to his stomach.  

"My latest flick is titled 'Cum On Eileen'" Val said, his voice smooth, gravelly and raspy.

This got a chuckle out of the audience who obviously got the reference.

Pretty soon, your head peaked out from under the blanket, like a turtle poking its head out of its shell.

You were in between Val's legs, implied that you were giving him a blowjob.

This got a massive pop from the audience, men getting out of their seats and roaring in delight, some of them even making those silly "wolf whistles" at you.

It would've been even better if your face was covered in white lotion, looking like and implied you just got bukakked, really meaning "CUM on Eileen".

Jerry Lawler sitting at the commentary table was excited to see you, shrieking in delight in that shrill, high pitched voice of his.

You and Val were a match made in heaven.

On "Monday Night Raw", you played a slutty, oversexed nymphomaniac who seduced most of the male roster, specifically Triple H and Shawn Michaels at first.

Your wrestling nicknames are "the nymphomaniac" and "the nympho".

When Val Venis was becoming a popular star in the WWF, people as well as yourself stated Val is the male equivalent to you.

"And you can see who plays Eileen" Val added, looking at the camera and grinning.

There's a reason why the titantron didn't show a titlecard that read "Come On Eileen: A Film By Val Venis", try to guess why...

When your head poked out from the blankets, you looked at the camera and licked your top lip, not just to look sexy, but to imply that you were giving him oral sex and swallowing his jizz.

Again, this got another massive pop from the men in the audience who were loving this, Jerry was shrieking his throat out off camera.

The camera cut to a furious Triple H, his face scrunching up in anger over Val stealing his woman.

You then snuggled up next to Val on the titantron, where your hand was caressing up and down his chest.

"You call yourself the Big Valbowski" you stated, your voice sounding sexy and seductive "Do you have Polish ancestry? Last names that end with 'ski' are Polish names"

Which is actually a true statement. Nastassja (pronounced "Nah-STAH-see-uh") and Klaus Kinski are Polish actors and Roman Polanski is a Polish film director.

"Why, yes I am" Val bragged, smiling "And I've got a huge, juicy Polish sausage. Why do you think it's called 'POLEland'?"

When he stated he has a huge sausage, his eyes and his head looked down at his crotch, where one of his hands squeezed his genitals over the blanket.

Get it? Poland sounds like POLEland? And "pole" can also be a slang for a penis.

What Val confessed got a pop from both the men and the women in the audience, the women shrieking their heads off whereas the men were cheering and roaring in delight and also laughing.

You giggled and smiled hearing Val say that.

"And they say Triple H has a big nose" you said, your face looking at Val's face and your index finger brushing up and down the bridge of his nose "Not like that's a bad thing or anything"

"Well, y'know what they say" Val stated "The bigger the nose, the bigger the...well, you can try to guess"

Val looked at the camera and grinned, and what he just said got yet another pop from the audience, both male and female.

You then leaned into Val's face and moved your index finger out of the way, where your lips wrapped around Val's nose and proceeded to suck and kiss his nose.

This got a really loud, massive pop from the audience, especially the men, shouting and roaring "yyyyyyyyeaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!".

Your mouth was kissing his nose like it was his lips, basically making out with his nose, although, you weren't gonna stick your tongue up his nostrils.

Val stating "the bigger the nose, the bigger the..." sounds like something Triple H would say in his early DX days (i.e.  "I got the rocket if you want the ride!").

Speaking of that...

"I used to stay stuff like that not too long ago!" Triple H exclaimed, shouting this at Val.

This got some laughter from the audience, remembering some of the classic innuendo he used to exclaim in the ring.

"I've got something bigger than Val ever could!" Triple H boasted, one of his hands forming a chopping motion at one of his cum gutters and thrusting his crotch out, basically doing his signature crotch chop.

This got a massive pop from the audience again, from both the men and women, getting out of their seats.

"There's a reason she was always with me!" Triple H exclaimed, still pointing at Val "And not everyone else!"

"I don't think so!" Val stated. "Remember when she kissed so many wrestlers in the ring in one minute?"

Some of the audience remembers that, which got a reaction from them, shouting "ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!", as if to say, "oh no he di'int!".

"And when she let all those men lick the alcohol off of her body!" Val added.

The audience remembers that.

Triple H was furious and not having it.

He wanted a match with Val, and that match would be who gets you, either Triple H or Val.

"Oh, and by the way Val" Triple H added. "You say 'you can see who plays Eileen'. Could YOU be the one playing Eileen and not her?"

The men in the audience shouted "ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!", as if to say "you got burned!".

Eventually, after the wrestling match was over, Triple H won and he got to keep you.

You prefer Triple H anyway, but only if he looks a certain way.

Though, Val is pretty damn hot.

[youcanhavemybuckanyday]

Answer all of them. 1-170. have fun.

HELL YES LETS GOOOOOOOO

1: How tall or short do you wish you were? 

5′2″. Exactly how tall I am now. I like being short.

2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not)

I’ve always wanted a ferret. They can weed out people for me. If a person says “Ew, it’s a rat” then they ain’t worth my time.

 3: Do you have a favorite clothing style? 

Whatever’s on sale. Preferably baggy and comfortable

4: What was your favorite video game growing up? 

Always has been and always will be the Nancy Drew computer games. I’m obsessed. There are 32 games (we don’t talk about number 33), and I’ve played each one dozens of times.

5: What three things/people do you think of most each day: 

My laptop, my dog, my tumblr account

6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say? 

Warning: Prone to spontaneous breakdowns, both physically and mentally.

7: What is your opinion on [insert person/thing here]? 

Honest opinion on @Elizard-Hamilton, the person who sent this ask: They’re super sweet and kind, and probably the first reciprocal tumblr friendship I’ve ever had.

8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic] 

Don’t know what that is, too drunk to figure it out right now.

9: Are you ticklish? 

God yes. But I retaliate. If you tickle me, you will die.

10: Are you allergic to anything? 

No, that’s the one medical thing that I don’t have.

11: What’s your sexuality? 

Hetero-Demi Sexual. So I like men, but I’m only sexually attracted to them if we’ve been close for a long time.

12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa? 

Cocoa, always. Specifically, Tim Hortons Hot Chocolate. Medium, 2 creams.

13: Are you a cat or dog person? 

Dog. Always.

14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson? 

I answered this one already, definitely merperson.

15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber? 

Nope.

16: How tall are you? 

See above.

17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to? 

I’d just add an L to my name. New name, pronounced the same.

18: How much do you weigh? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] 

Right now, 126 lbs. But I should be 110. I just got off a medication that made me gain 40 pounds practically overnight. I went from 100 pounds to 140 pounds. I’m slowing losing the weight.

19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits? 

Not in the traditional sense, but I do believe there are things about the departed we don’t yet understand. Kind of like way back when they though lightning was a supernatural event, until they found a scientific explanation for it. I think there’s stuff we just haven’t discovered yet.

20: Do you like space or the ocean more? 

Ocean.

21: Are you religious? 

Nope, athiest.

22: Pet peeves? 

Idk, I can’t think of any right now.

23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]? 

Wtf I don’t know? Who cares? I’d rather be whatever koalas are. They sleep 22 hours a day.

24: Favorite constellation? 

The only one I can think of right now is big dipper. That makes it my favourite and also my least favourite constellation.

25: Favorite star? 

See question 24, but North Star.

26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls? 

I don’t know what that is? Do you mean like Barbie? I litterally watching Barbie Nutcracker right now, lol.

27: Any phobias or fears? 

Spiders.

28: Do you think global warming is real? 

Duh.

29: Do you believe in reincarnation? 

No.

30: Favorite movie? 

Does Hamilton count? If yes, that. If not, Knives Out. I’m a sucker for a good murder mystery.

31: Do you get scared easily? 

Yes.

32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime? 

Oh god. Idk. You’re going to make me do math on vacation. Lets see. 3 Dogs, 2 Cats, ungodly numbers of fish, 2 rats, 5 hermit crabs, 3 hamsters, probably others I can’t remember.

33: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.] 

@elizard-hamilton 10/10. 5 stars. Thumbs up. Gold Star.

34: What is a color that calms you? 

Royal Purple. I used to have a bedroom where everything was royal purple. The walls, the furniture, the bedding, the accessories. Everything. It was a great time in my life, so the colour makes me think of good times.

35: Where would you like to travel and/or live? 

I’d love to go to Belgium. My grandmother was born there, and we still have family over there that I’ve never met.

36: Where were you born? 

London Ontario

37: What is your eye color? 

Hazel

38: Introvert or extrovert? 

Introvert

39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs? 

Not at all

40: Hugs or kisses? 

None of the above. I have Asperger's, I don’t like to be touched.

41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now? 

I’d love to see my BFF from high school again. Haven’t talked to her since we graduated. Rachel, if you’re out there, I miss you.

42: Who is someone you love deeply? 

My parents.

43: Any piercings you want? 

None.

44: Do you like tattoos and piercings? 

Nope. I don’t have anything against them, they’re just not for me. If you have them, I won’t think any less of you. There’s nothing wrong with them.

45: Do you smoke or have you eiver done so? 

Nope. I’ve already got really shitty lungs (I have Cystic Fibrosis), I’d rather not make them worse than they already are.

46: Talk about your crush, if you have one! 

Oh gosh, he’s cute, funny, talented, a great singer, a great writer, he wrote a hit broadway musical... oh, he doesn’t count? Then no, no one right now.

47: What is a sound you really hate? 

Styrofoam rubbing against more styrofoam.

48: A sound you really love? 

The notification sound tumblr makes when I get something in my inbox

49: Can you do a backflip? 

HA no.

50: Can you do the splits? 

HA HA no.

51: Favorite actor and/or actress? 

Do I even need to answer this? I’m going to anyway. It’s..... drumroll........ Danny Devito! Lol, no, it’s Lin Manuel-Miranda

52: Favorite movie? 

This is the same as question 30.

53: How are you feeling right now? 

Drunk. Next question.

54: What color would you like your hair to be right now? 

Purple. I used to have purple hair. Then I got older and got a real job and I’m not allowed to die my hair anymore.

55: When did you feel happiest? 

At 16, with my purple hair and purple bedroom and my bff in like grade 11

56: Something that calms you down? 

Hamilton

57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] 

Asperger’s, Depression, situational anxiety.

58: What does your URL mean? 

Every time is Hamiltime. Because it’s always time for Hamilton.

59: What three words describe you the most? 

Bizarre, confrontational, idk. Is there a word that means unwilling to put up with anyone’s bullshit? Because if so, then that.

60: Do you believe in evolution? 

Yes. Evolution is a fact, it’s been proven. So this question should not say do you believe in evolution, it should say do you accept evolution.

61: What makes you unfollow a blog? 

If they start posting stuff i disagree with, or if they totally veer into a new fandom I’m not interested in. I’ve lost so many good blogs to kpop.

62: What makes you follow a blog? 

Idk, I like their stuff?

63: Favorite kind of person: 

Kind people.

64: Favorite animal(s): 

Pug.

65: Name three of your favorite blogs. 

I’m not going to start naming friends, cause I’ve got way more than three and I know I’m going to forget someone, so here’s 3 random blogs I enjoy: gmoringgnight, tinywhim, torsnavi

66: Favorite emoticon: 

I’m on my laptop, i don’t have emoticons right now, but probably the one where he’s crying laughing

67: Favorite meme: 

All of them. I love all the memes.

68: What is your MBTI personality type? 

I’m too drunk to remember right now, ask me tomorrow.

69: What is your star sign? 

Pisces

70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog? 

He cannot. He’s an idiot. But he can give you a high five, if that counts for something.

71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most? 

Leggings, T-Shirt, Hoodie. Whatever’s clean.

72: Post a selfie or two? 

No

73: Do you have platform shoes? 

No

74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself? 

I can solve a rubik’s cube

75: Can you do a front flip? 

LOL NO

76: Do you like birds? 

To look at, not to own or touch

77: Do you like to swim? 

Very much. In the water, it’s the one place my back doesn’t hurt.

78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you? 

Swimming. I don’t skate. I know, oh wow, a Canadian who can’t skate. Sue me.

79: Something you wish didn’t exist: 

Trump.

80: Some thing you wish did exist: 

Alex Clairmont-Diaz

81: Piercings you have? 

My ears are pierced.

82: Something you really enjoy doing: 

Reading

83: Favorite person to talk to: 

My mom

84: What was your first impression of Tumblr? 

Amazing, finally a place I can be as weird as I want and it’s totally anonymous.

85: How many followers do you have? 

I have no idea.

86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes? 

HA no

87: Do your socks always match? 

Yes

88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely? 

When I was 14, they did a surgery where they put metal rods in my spine to keep it from growing crooked. My spine doesn’t bend at all. So I’ve never tried to touch my toes, but I’m going to go with no, I can’t.

89: What are your birthstones? 

I think Aquamarine? I don’t remember.

90: If you were an animal, which one would you be? 

Koala. They sleep 22 hours a day.

91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be? 

I can’t think of any flowers right now beyond rose and tulip, and neither represent me. Is there a flower that’s really ugly? If so, that.

92: A store you hate? 

Gap. I despise that store with every escence of my being.

93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day? 

None. It tastes like manure.

94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds? 

Ooh, fly. No more wheelchair.

95: Do you like to wear camo? 

I don’t think i particularly like or dislike it. I just don’t wear it.

96: Winter or summer? 

SUMMER ALL THE TIME

97: How long can you hold your breath for? 

Not long at all. See explanation above, r.e. Cystic Fibrosis

98: Least favorite person? 

Trump

99: Someone you look up to: 

My mom

100: A store you love? 

Hot Topic. Yes, I’m basic like that. 

101: Favorite type of shoes 

Flats, cause I don’t have to attempt to bend over to put them on.

102: Where do you live? 

Hamilton, Ontario, Canada. Yes, I’m serious.

103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why? 

Nope.

104: What is your favorite mineral or gem? 

Wtf? Are people supposed to have a favourite mineral or gem?

105: Do you drink milk? 

No

106: Do you like bugs? 

No

107: Do you like spiders? 

NO

108: Something you get paranoid about? 

If I remembered to turn off my computer before I go to bed.

109: Can you draw: 

Nope

110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked? 

On a daily basis, people ask me why I use my scooter or my wheelchair. Every day. Not so much during the pandemic, but yeah.

111: A question you hate being asked? 

“When are you going to get a boyfriend?” “When are you going to settle down?” 

112: Ever been bitten by a spider? 

NOPE

113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach? 

Who doesn’t?

114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days? 

Cloudy, cause then I can stay indoors guilt-free

115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now: 

My dog. But he’s with my sister.

116: Favorite cloud type: 

???? Is this something I’m supposed to have an opinion on?????

117: What color do you wish the sky was? 

???? IDGAF ??????

118: Do you have freckles? 

No

119: Favorite thing about a person: 

Their laugh

120: Fruits or vegetables? 

Fruit

121: Something you want to do right now: 

Get another drink, but that’s probs not a great idea

122: Is the ocean or sky prettier? 

Ocean

123: Sweet or sour foods? 

Sweet

124: Bright or dim lights? 

Dim

125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature? 

No

126: Something you hate about Tumblr: 

I can’t reblog ads. Some of those ads are really, REALLY funny.

127: Something you love about Tumblr: 

Completely anonymous. I could be anyone. For all you know, I’m actually Mike Pence. (I promise I’m not)

128: What do you think about the least? 

Idk? There’s probably lots of stuff I’ve never thought about at all

129: What would you want written on your tombstone? 

Nothing, but I want there to be a little machine on top that looks like a parking meter, and when you put money in it you get wifi for an hour.

130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now? 

Trump, most of the politicians in the states. I want to go to New York, and I can’t because y’all can’t get your shit together and kick this virus.

131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself? 

My face. Not going to elaborate.

132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures?

Yes, but only because I get yelled at if I don’t.

133: Computer or TV? 

Computer.

134: Do you like roller coasters? 

I used to. Then the back surgery and now I can’t anymore.

135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness? 

Motion sickness no, seasickness yes.

136: Are your ears lobed or attached? 

Lobed.

137: Do you believe in karma? 

I believe that what you do will eventually come back to bite you in the ass, but I don’t believe in some cosmic force that balances the scales.

138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are? 

0. Not going to elaborate.

139: What nicknames do you have/have had? 

None. My name has always been Adele. The few people who tried to give me nicknames got shot down real quick.

140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends? 

When I was little, yeah

141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink? 

Yes ma’am. For over a decade.

142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others? 

Both at different times.

143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help? 

Giving. I never know what to say when receiving.

144: What makes you angry 

A lot of things these days. Can’t think of anything specific. My sister, usually.

145: How many languages do you speak fluently? 

Two. I speak French and English.

146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries? 

Boys.

147: Are you androgynous? 

Nope.

148: Favorite physical thing about yourself: 

My face. Not going to elaborate.

149: Favorite thing about your personality: 

My “take no shit” attitude.

150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person. 

Lin Manuel Miranda, Renee Elise Goldsberry, anyone from West Wing

151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose? 

Revolutionary America

152: Do you like BuzzFeed? 

I’ve been known to partake.

153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? [If you have one.] 

Nope. I’m forever alone.

154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons? 

No. I have Asperger’s. No touching.

155: Do you like to play with others’ hair? 

No.

156: What embarrasses you? 

When I need to ask for help for really simple things because of my wheelchair or other disabilities. I hate it.

157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious: 

The future, for reasons way too complex to write in a tumblr post.

158: Biggest lie you have ever told: 

I convinced half my second grade class I was related to Elton John once. That was fun. They believed it for like 3 months.

159: How many people are you following? 

Hundreds.

160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)? 

I don’t even know how I would find that out.

161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)? 

Right now, I have 12, but that’s because I’ve queued up the next 4 days HamiltonHungerGames. Usually, I have none. I don’t understand how people have drafts. When I feel like writing something on tumblr, I start a post, I end the post, I post it. I never use drafts

162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)? 

??? Again, I have no idea how to find that information.

163: Last time you cried and why: 

I honestly don’t remember.

164: Do you have long or short hair? 

Usually long, but right now short. My mom decided to give me a covid haircut, and she does not understand the meaning of “Just a trim”.

165: Longest your hair has ever been: 

Down to my butt. 

166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religon? 

Dislike. I’m not going to talk about it here, but if you’re really curious you can dm me.

167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created? 

Yes, because if we know where the universe and world came from, we can figure out where it’s headed. See the book Origins by Dan Brown.

168: Do you like to wear makeup? 

Not at all.

169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds? 

I can barely stand on my feet for more than 30 seconds.

170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully? 

Tried to.

Ok, this took me an hour and 45 minutes. I’m tired, I’m drunk, I’m going to regret this in the morning, I’m going to bed. Night y’all.

[sealers100]

PART 2: A (brief) review of every Donald Sutherland movie (so far)

Wowee welcome back. Yes I’m still on this shit and I intend to finish it because this is probably the most fun I’ve had in quarantine apart from working night shift at a waffle house. (I wish I was kidding) I will admit this one might not be as long as the last post but I promised to deliver so here we go for part two.

Dr. Terror’s House of Horrors

I had way too much fun with this movie! The story was unique and entertaining with a creepy twist without being so scary I can’t sleep at night. It’s got not only Donald, but also Sir Christopher Lee AND Peter Cushing! Like you can’t get any more badass than that. The acting is pretty great and the music goes hard (there’s a whole segment about a musician and I’m nerding out). Donald is maybe 29 or 30 years old and its one of his earliest (his 4th) film credit and oh goodness his segment is just too much. This is definitely a must see for any Hammer Film fanatics or Sutherland fans, You’ll love it!

The Dirty Dozen

Talk about a throwback to my childhood. Again an old army movie I remember watching with my parents (however watching it again I probably shouldn’t have). The movie itself its great if your into things like Tora Tora Tora! and Kelly’s Heroes. Not a whole lot of Donald in it but what we do get it so worth it. For a “serious and professional” actor, he plays silly and weird soooooo well. I will admit this one isn't nearly as lighthearted as Donald’s scenes might make it seem. It’s an actual war movie with heavy emotions and lots of violence and is quite sad at the end (no spoilers don’t worry). It might not be one to make you cry but you can’t help feeling bad for his character. Personally I loved it but its a classic in my household so I’m a bit biased. 

Start The Revolution Without Me

I quite literally choked on my coffee watching this one. Gene Wilder and Donald made a surprisingly hilarious pair and it worked so well!!! I already can’t get enough of Gene so of course this one is probably one of my all time favorite movies across the board. Basically its a switched at birth situation and takes place during the french revolution. I won’t give away too much but if you liked anything by Mel Brooks you’ll love this one. I really can’t say much without spoiling the funny bits but if you’re having a bad day, do what I did and curl up in your onesie with a bag of popcorn and let the laughter ensue.

Act of the Heart

(tw: self harm/suicide mention) Let me start out by telling you how hard it was fro me to find this damn movie and how ecstatic I was when I finally got to sit down and watch it. For anyone who doesn’t know me, my background is in vocal performance and I did a lot of work with the episcopal church in college as a soloist for churches, weddings, events and stuff so getting to see Donald as a CONCERT DIRECTOR just made my little heart explode. I was constantly geeking out at the musical parts and even got a bit of concert anxiety for the main character, Martha Hayes. She falls in love with him but of course he’s a priest (again) but this time he actually leaves the ministry for her. The movie itself is good (and the music gets my seal of approval as well) but there’s a quite a bit of triggering stuff so this one might be a bit difficult to watch for some. I will say some of these movies are quite hard to find and I had to scour the interwebs for them so if anyone wants a watch for anything on either of these lists, don’t be afraid to message me.

Little Murders

Okay so this one will be quite short because Donald is in it for a whole 10 minutes but he should have gotten a fucking oscar for it because I have never been so amazed and shocked by one of his roles as I was with this one. The movie is great if you’re into Elliot Gould (and his hair omg). But jesus Donald stole the ENTIRE MOVIE for that one brief scene. You can find clips of it on youtube just go watch it. Hell I’ll probably post it on my blog later. It’s honestly the best thing ever, and I want it played at my wedding. 

Steelyard Blues

What is it with directors and casting Jane Fonda as a prostitute? I’ll never know but Donald probably had a hand in that decision because he’s the executive producer. The movie is not great by any means but its definitely not boring. Again something about him being silly and dumb he just does so well and its so jarring in this one how silly he can get. I quite enjoyed it actually and its a real change of pace for him because while I like his character, I don’t have a whole lot of sympathy for him like I did for character’s like Casanova. I mean really he doesn’t hold back in portraying Jesse Veldini as an absolute fucking moron but I think we’re supposed to laugh at his misfortunes because they genuinely are funny (I think I just like watching him suffer) And it’s really entertaining. Again, I think Donald could have easily had a career as comedic actor but it’s nice to see how easily he can switch moods.

S*P*Y*S*

Another Donald and Elliot movie and this one is pretty hilarious too. (I’m loving these funny feel good movies) The two of them are CIA spies who aren’t stupid but definitely got the short stick in their agreement with the Russians. The plot makes sense but the way it’s gone about doesn’t really click. The Dynamic between him and Elliot is always fantastic and fun to watch so it makes up for the lack of sense this movie makes. Sorry this one couldn’t be longer but there would be much to say without writing a synopsis and I’m too tired to do that for any of these.

Day of the Locust

WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT! I mean jesus christ this movie was a horror show. The film itself is fine, its a great movie, but oH mY GoD!!!! Let me start by saying I didn’t watch the final scene with him in this movie because its fucking brutal and I just knew it wasn’t gonna be the kind of thing I’d needed to see. (Or anyone) Yeah I’d issue a few trigger warnings for this movie. OKAY so Donald’s character is named Homer Simpson (I’m not kidding) and my god I thought I had low self esteem, he’s literally the saddest most miserable and lonely character I think I’ve ever seen him play and he gets used by Faye Greener (Karen Black) who can go sit on a cactus for all I care, I hate that she’s the main character and the way she treats Donald is HORRIBLE AND I HATE IT. God this movie messed me up for a straight week afterward and I’m still not over it. He cries a lot in this one and just stooooooop please I can’t take it I know his character isn't accurate to the book its based on but it just makes me feel bad for him seeing Donald’s character slowly being destroyed by the toxic people around him icanttakeitanymoremovingon.

The Eagle Has Landed

I don’t know the first thing about the animosity between the Irish and the English all I know is that they don’t get along sometimes and Donald’s character this time is I think a NAzi SymPathizer?? I could be wrong but he does help them try to kidnap Winston Churchill (weird). There’s a strangely deep romance between him an a 19 year old girl (uh?) but it doesn’t really come to fruition. Overall it’s a hell of a spy movie and with fantastic performances from Robert Duvall (no I wasn’t able to recognize him) and Michael Caine. It’s a fun movie and Donald’s accent is of course, awful (just the way I like it) and steals the show yet again. 

The Disappearance 

Interesting fact, Celandine (the main character’s wife) is actually played by Donald’s real life wife, Francine Racette. So it makes for quite an interesting dynamic between the two characters that feels very realistic. This is a hitman movie that takes place in I think Montreal (hard to imagine a lot of Canadian hitmen) And has a surreal feeling about it through the whole movie. Again this was a difficult one to find at first and there is actually two version. One being 80 minutes and the other being 100min. I’m not sure why it was split like this but I’ve seen both versions and they aren’t missing anything they’re just structured differently. It does feel a bit weird watching love scenes knowing that she is is actual wife but it does feel very realistic. Overall the movie is pretty good if you want to see lots of him and his wife. Don’t worry I’m sure their relationship is a lot better than what’s portrayed in the film! 

National Lampoon’s Animal House

If you don’t know the story of Donald and this film, here it is. He was originally offered 2% of the films earnings to be in it. Thinking it would be a flop, he refused and asked for his usual flat rate of 45,000. The film was a his and his 2% could have easily been upward of 1.2 million, and this was back in 1978. He later quoted this as one of his biggest regrets of his career. Overall his scenes are quite short but oh so funny. (This list is either very serious or very funny) I like to imagine he put a lot of himself into this role. I definitely had some professors like him in college.

Threshold

Come to think of it, I watched this one so long ago I think I forgot to put it on the last list I did. I was really surprised by how genuine this movie felt. Like everyone really put a lot into this movie but it didn’t get nearly the recognition it deserved. Its a medical drama so that probably why, but it’s got an adorably young Jeff Goldblum and I can’t help but love him and Donald in every scene they’re in together. They play off each other pretty well most of the time and I didn’t really see anything wrong with this film other than it might have been on the lower end of filming budgets but it wasn’t a bad movie. It deserved better.

Ordeal by Innocence

I wish I could say the same for this movie. On it’s own its an alright film. On it’s own the soundtrack is fine too. But when the put the two together It was jarring as hell. The acting and story were okay and could have been fine alone but the soundtrack really broke any chance this film had of being taken seriously. I would have loved to seen it just on it’s own. Donald’s character is for once a genuine kind of ass that I really don’t like but it’s Agatha Christie, all her characters are assholes. This film really had potential but it shot itself point blank in the foot with the music.

A Time to Kill

Jumping forward to the 90′s, this movie is a classic based on a John Grisham novel and wow did I get invested! Donald isn’t in the film a whole lot but he does feel like an integral part of the plot and I really enjoyed him and Matthew Mcconaughey on screen together. Along with Samuel L. Jackson and Sandra Bullock. This movie is just fantastic and I normally don't like court dramas. Now what’s also interesting that not only is Donald in this one but so is Keifer. Sadly these two don’t share any scenes together and I don’t think they really got to work on set together except maybe once. Also Keifer’s character is a horrible racist. If anyone gets in your face about confederate flags being “heritage, not hate” show them this movie, Kiefer will take care of that one..

Space Cowboys

And last but not least, possibly my favorite one on this list. Everyone in this movie has the best film dynamic!! It’s funny, it’s endearing, and even kinda sad at times. The whole film feels genuine between all the lead characters, especially with them al being easily over the age of 65. As for Donald, He’s a smooth talking, dirty old man who hits on anything that moves but I’m sorry it just cracks me up. I don’t think this one should be taken too seriously but I just can’t help but fall in love with this movie. Cowboys, Space, Clint Eastwood and Tommy Lee Jones mean-mugging while Donald laughs and chases after women just makes my day. 

Okay this one might have been a good bit longer than the last one so the reviews had to be a bit shorter this time. I would do some research for a lot fo the more serious film on these two lists just because I don’t have the time to issue trigger warnings for every film. I may put out a part three, at least I’m going to try to but I’m working 12 hour days lately so I don’t have as much time to watch stuff as I used to but I’m sure some of your guys do. If you’re having trouble finding a film don’t be afraid to let me know and I’ll do my best to hook you up with some *quality* content. I know I’m having a hell of a hard time finding his older credits and the movie Blood Relatives (at least a version in english) Let me know what you guys think, if you agree or disagree with my opinions. Have fun watching!

[allthefilmsiveseenforfree]

Dark Phoenix

We owe a lot to the X-Men. Lest we forget the halcyon days of Y2K, superhero movies weren’t always a guaranteed blockbuster hit or taking up real estate at the multiplex for 80% of weeks in a given year. But some terrible CGI, brooding Canadian sideburns, and a terrible line about a toad and its relationship to lightning later and Marvel comics properties are suddenly in the conversation as a sure bet at the box office. And now it’s 2019 and the X-Men have had some...let’s say ups and downs. With Dark Phoenix, we’re allegedly saying goodbye to this crop of actors playing these superheroes. So was this a bittersweet farewell or a “don’t let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya” type situation? Well...

Somewhere in the middle, like when you see your uncle who used to give you piggyback rides and pull quarters from behind your ear when you were a kid but now you only see him at Thanksgiving and you only ever talk to him about 1) the weather 2) whether you’re still at the same job (you are) or 3) how good Aunt Judy’s pie was this year and he gets up to leave and you’re like “Oh you’re leaving? Well it was good to see you, drive safe!” and you share an awkward side-hug. 

Do you need a synopsis? It’s an X-Men movie. Mutants are getting up to mutant-y shit. Charles Xavier (James McAvoy) is all like “we can help the humans and they’ll like us if we save them from space disasters!” and Erik Lehnsherr is all like “mutants are better than humans and we should conquer them but since I’ve tried that a couple times and got caught I’m just gonna build a little island mutant utopia” and honestly both of them are kind of side characters in their own franchise which is a bummer because I think we can all agree that the Charles/Erik dichotomy is the beating heart of why people connect with this mythology. The main plot is about Jean Grey (Sophie Turner) getting dosed with a bunch of space energy that she can’t really control and shit happens and people get hurt and she’s like I like hurting people but also she doesn’t. Jessica Chastain is wasted as a woman with very ghost-like features who’s trying to convince Jean to use her powers for EEEVILLLL. You probably heard that this movie was terrible. It’s not. But it’s not good either. It just...is. Frankly, I feel very zen about the whole thing.

Many thoughts:

During the first opening narration, Sleepy Gay leaned over and said, “I already hate this.” And uh, that mood was about right for the narration throughout. Unless you’re doing a true film noir, you have to have a DAMN good reason besides laziness to have voiceover do this much heavy lifting.

#onlyninetieskidsremember the 1992 space shuttle because we don’t care about funding NASA anymore!

I know the production of this film was fraught, and there were some massive reshoots, which obviously means a quick and messy editing session. But that slapdash feel permeates the movie into even the most mundane scenes - an early example is Hank (Nicholas Hoult) turning into Beast at the end of a conversation to reply, “Yeah.” Was...was that necessary? Is that how he ends all his conversations? 

And the emotional beats feel really weird. Like when Jean gets back on the ship from space, the vibe feels completely wrong for the scene we just witnessed.

I will say, it’s a thing of beauty to see just how 10000% done Jennifer Lawrence is while she languishes in this movie with nothing to do but die (listen they spoiled that shit in the trailers, don’t @ me). Her snappy line, “The women are the only ones who do anything around here, maybe you should change the name to the X-Women” is delivered with such exasperated can-you-believe-we’re-still-doing-this spice, it’s just *chef kiss* gorgeous. 

In spite of all the crying she does in this film, Sophie Turner’s eye makeup is FLAWLESS. I want to know what eyeliner she uses. 

I’m feeling very uncomfortable with the fact that when I was a kid, I agreed with Charles on his whole “it’s our duty to protect the humans and show them we’re good” manifesto but now........idk, maybe it’s because Nazis are like, a big thing again, but I’m kinda with Magneto here? Maybe it’s the existential nightmare that’s swallowing us all but uh I just can’t really hang with respectability politics any more? This is like that moment in The Little Mermaid when Ariel says, “I’m 16 years old! I’m not a child anymore!” and you know where you’re at in life by whether you say, “Yeah, tell him Ariel!” or “Back those fins the fuck up and go to your room, young lady!”

Scott (Tye Sheridan) is just the most boring character and he has NO chemistry with Jean whatsoever. 

Question - if you have sex in the X-Men house, does Charles know? I’ll bet he does. What a perv.

In spite of his terrible conversation enders, I will say Nicholas Hoult is looking damn fine these days. DAMN fine. However - I’m a fan of his work overall, I really am, but he must have been having an off week when he filmed his angry grief confrontation with James McAvoy (a frankly incredible actor who elevates every single thing he’s in so...let that sink in). Going from quiet to loUD VERY QUICKLY over and over again is not the same as portraying grief, my dude.

I don’t understand why you would get an actress as magnetic and arresting as Jessica Chastain and then make her act like the love child of a ghost-robot one night stand. Her only sparks of something interesting are when she’s doing the big energy transfer with Sophie Turner, because frankly, that read as very homoerotic to me so like...into it.

Wait but did they hurt that dog. There’s no resolution about the dog and that is VERY upsetting.

How are we this far in the franchise and no one has told anyone involved in production “So uh. The floating thing the mutants do when they enter or exit a room in a big scene. Are you guys like...married to that? Have you thought about maybe not having floating be such a big part of the final emotional confrontation between Jean and everyone she’s ever loved trying to destroy her?” Because if there’s one thing I know of that creates and amplifies dramatic tension, it’s floating.

Is Michael Fassbender the most handsome man alive in these movies? It’s possible. At one point he’s in a collar and that really felt like someone involved in that script punch up was giving the fans anything at that point to keep them engaged, but I’m not complaining about it. 

How many fights have these X-Men been in? Isn’t the first day of X-Men school devoted to “Don’t make significant eye contact during a fight!”

Did I Cry? I probably should have, but the most I got was a slight tearing up. 

Overall, this is a mess. It’s kind of a fun mess if you already like the characters, and there’s certainly some eye candy for those interested in all genders. If you like the other films, give this one a gander just for completionist reasons and try to remember the good old days when X-Men actually meant something.

If you liked this review, please consider reblogging or subscribing to my Patreon! For as low as $1, you can access bonus content and movie reviews, or even request that I review any movie of your choice.

[riotatthemovies]

The Elf (2017)

I love Christmas themed horror films and well... THIS FUCKING SUCKED! 

And you know me I LOVE shitty movies. The more home made and flawed the better someone. But fuck this movie. 

Made during the height of the Elf on a Shelf meme craze. Made by producer director Justin Price. He is one of the b studio goons that make a handful of crap zero budget movies a year just so they can plaster them all over the internet and wal mart with a cool cover to make you think you are buying something real.  You the kind that make a shit bad cgi sci fi with a has been action actor and then the next week make a Christmas movie.Unlike  the do it  yourself super indi backyard horror guys that actually give a damn about a idea no matter how shitty it is. Instead this guy makes a shitty Christmas movie with a bad cgi killer in it and actors even more plastic then the killer plastic doll.

The plot  is a couple inherit a toy shop that carried a curse (but who cares as most of the movie takes place at their oddly large house) and invite family over for Christmas.  Well the guy who gained the house has no family and he may be going crazy too. However his girlfriend who just comes off as an extreme bitch is inviting her family. Everyone hates the boyfriend cause he seems to be losing his mind. But they all seem like assholes anyway so who cares. Luckily after a very long time of people just mumbling to each other like as if every actor was paid in drugs to make this movie eventually a tiny killer elf comes and kills them all.. nuff said.

There is one good scene where carolers get massacred by the elf using either magic at warp speed. Its soooo stupid but so much more fun than the rest of the bumbling paced movie that it feels like someone else made it.

Fuck this movie. Everyone in this movie is terrible. They look like real actors all probably have agents and try to make a living off being extras. But each one of them does not give a fuck. The sound is off so many lines mumble away as the next person is so loud.. usually the annoying girlfriend is the loudest. Man is she annoying. There is a twist at the end involving her that you will noooot give a fuck about cause you don’t give a fuck about her to begin with. She has some paining looking lip injections and those plastic surgery eye brows that look like she is always surprised, yet her eyes are half baked it is like she is surprised but unimpressed at the exact same fucking time. She is constantly complaining about her boyfriend who is starting to lose it but you just don’t care and wish the elf would get her first. Granted the mumbling boyfriend whos way of acting that he is in a cloud of confusion is to move slowly and mumble so much I am sure he is just drunk and not actually acting. Seriously people in this movie just fucking move! I don’t mean they have to run away from the killer elf, that would help to, but just stop standing around and wobbling there low voice grumbling about life like a bunch of junkie valley girls at the mall.  The loser and going nuts boyfriend is given shit by his girlfriend and family he should just tell them to fuck off. He wouldn’t know if his girlfriend was shocked of not by his words cause her eyes brows always look like that anyways so who cares.

Seriously people over 30 talking like mallrats makes me insane. Maaaybe if this was funny and they were supposed to be like that it would make sense.. but its not. 

Now lets talk about the elf. The elf does some weird shit for no reason.... and taaakesss forrrrever to actually do anything. When the elf puts himself in a christmas box just to cut out of it and giggle for no reason is super confusing and feels a hell of a lot like padding oh and warning that specific scene is more suspenseful then most of the movie.. yeah its that bad. But you do kind of route for the elf to just kill the annoying people which is saying something. Even if classic little killer issue occurs where the elves gives someone a small stab to the leg makes that makes them forget how to walk so he can slash the hell out of them until they either die or just miraculously remember how to walk again and run away incase they are needed to pad out another scene. (does my writing sound angry?... I don’t know)

 The Elf is also flashed between cgi walking Elf to a toy elf attacking people. The toy looks scarier then the cgi and in fact looks like the toymaker and the computer graphic designer never communicated cause they definitely made two very different looking Elves.

Oh and there are rules for this killer elf but the drozing sleep inducing dialog from actors that do not want to be there makes me forget what they are completely.

Look how unimpressed they are.

This was over a year ago and its not free to stream (you have better things to do even for fucking free... I do this shit so you don’t have to) ... and this just in... FUCK NO.... They made a sequel. ELVES just came out this year. The trailer makes it look like it may not try to take itself seriously since it knows it is that bad. Also seems to have monsters and people turning into evil elves with the most nauseating computer effect face morphing you have ever seen. Ah Fuck  it I will probably watch it to cause I obviously hate myself at this time of year. 

Wooo sorry for being so fucking negative guys. But this movie made my normal headaches worse. 

I always say this... If your movie is stupid just own it and make it fun. You can play it straight but believing you're stupid idea is serious is not the same thing.

I love Christmas horror movies, Jack Frost, Silent Night Deadly Night 1 to a million, Black X mas (love that remake oh yeah) Elves (the Canadian one from the 80s.) even the recent Christmas Horror story anthology flick. But some of the really recent ones just simply jumping a band wagon with hip instagram model era actors in them or worse smarmy kids. Seriously The Elf from 2017 makes me wanna say bah humbug all over your face!

A sugar plum thumb down in the dirt.

[jisforjudi]

Finty Williams: Me and my mum, Judi Dench

As Finty Williams stars in a role her mother, Judi Dench, played to acclaim, she tells Andrew Billen about the joy and pain of being in a famous family

Andrew Billen

September 28 2018, 12:01am, The Times

During a play’s rehearsal period, the most likely moment a journalist will interview its star is over lunch. This is often unsatisfactory. The reporter finds the actor’s mind still half in the rehearsal room; the actor, between answers, barely gets through a sandwich. So I am pleased that Finty Williams, who is in a revival of Hugh Whitemore’s subtly anguished 1983 play Pack of Lies, agrees instead to see me at the end of a day’s rehearsals at the Menier Chocolate Factory in south London.

Now we are talking in its bar, however, she seems to me exhausted: vulnerable and unsure. It is a perception, admittedly, enhanced by her pale skin and slight frame. Still, it cannot be good when an actress answers a question about what she is doing next with “probably run a cat home on a Greek island” or describes herself as a participant in a race in which her mother is hundreds of places in front of her.

Judi Dench is a subject hard to avoid when interviewing Williams, and impossible to do so today. This is the first London production of Pack of Lies since it opened at the Lyric Theatre, London, in 1983 when Dench was cast in the very part that Williams, her daughter, plays now. When I ask if this a coincidence, Williams’s riposte is: “You’d have to ask somebody else that.” I could, but what could the theatre say other than that she is the best actress for the role? No doubt she is, but in a wicked world where publicity angles sell tickets, the reply might not tell the whole story.

The play is based on a true espionage case from the early Sixties. The Jacksons, a suburban London couple, are approached by Special Branch for permission to spy from their bedroom window on their friends, the Krogers, across the road. The Canadian bookseller, Peter, and his vivacious wife, Helen, are, in fact, Soviet spies. Williams plays Barbara Jackson, whose fate is to discover that she has been lied to by Helen and must betray her best friend back. In a coda, we learn that she dies soon after the Krogers’ unmasking. This is not true of the real “Barbara”, Ruth Search, but the play ends with a death knell.

An intense day of rehearsal, I suggest to Williams, sensing her mood. “Really intense because it’s a play about spies, obviously, but it’s also a play about friendship,” she says. Friendship, I shall discover, is a delicate subject for her.

Williams, who was 46 this week, remembers finding the play intense in performance when she first saw, or rather heard it, many times, from the Lyric’s dressing room. She was 12 and her father, Michael Williams, was in it too, as Barbara’s husband. Her godmother, Barbara Leigh-Hunt, played Helen. “I remember being very upset by the end,” she says. “Really shocked.”

Dench and her husband acted on stage several times together, and enjoyed it. However, when Dench became M in the James Bond franchise in 1995 and when, four years later, she won an Oscar for Shakespeare in Love, equivalence in their two careers was destroyed. Michael Williams was hugely proud of Dench, their daughter says, but Hollywood can be “quite a ruthless place if you’re the plus-one”. She says: “I think he found that very difficult.”

The question that she will have heard before (oh, imagine the number of times) is how difficult it is for her, as an actress, to be the daughter of Britain’s greatest actress. Her sensible reply is that if she had entered the profession wanting to be either as good or famous as Dench, she would have set herself up for a fall. She did not. The problem is other people. “A lot of people want to go, ‘She’s not as good as her mother,’ which is true, but I can also name you another 80 people who probably aren’t as good.”

Does it piss her off? “It pisses me off being pre-judged. That pisses me off, pisses me off hugely. Just because I don’t think it’s fair. I don’t know whether, if your father is a brain surgeon, people go, ‘He’s not as good a brain surgeon as his father.’ I don’t know whether that happens, but because of who Ma is, a lot of people have an opinion, which they form before they get to know me or before they see what I can do.”

A terrible thought occurs to me. Theatre critics go on for so long in this country that there must be at least one who will review this new Pack of Lies having seen the original. (Sure enough, I later find The Guardian’s Michael Billington reviewed it in 1983 and singled out for praise Dench’s “totally unpatronising portrayal” of Barbara. As she tended to, she later won an Olivier for it.)

“Oh, don’t worry,” Williams says. “I’ve had that thought about a month ago. I’d put about £100 on the fact that it’s going to be mentioned at least once. There’s no escaping that. There is no escaping the fact that people are going to go, ‘Well, she’s not as good as her mum was,’ but do you know what? I’d really like people to come and see it with an open mind.

“If it was Grand National day, she [Dench] is up and leaping Becher’s Brook and I’m in the novice race at the beginning, and you think about all the hundreds of actors between me and her. She is jaw-dropping, but I also happen to think that Helen McCrory is jaw-droppingly brilliant. I happen to think Ruth Wilson is jaw-droppingly brilliant. Zoë Wanamaker. I don’t aspire to be any of those people. I’m me, and I’ve got the cards that I’ve been dealt.”

Her hand is undoubtedly a tricky one, not because she is not close to her mother, but more likely because she is, very. In her twenties she lived with her parents in London, notoriously burning down their house one night having fallen asleep next to a lighted candle. “Just a shit thing that happened,” she says, unhappily. In her thirties she lived with Dench, who was by then widowed, in Surrey, and although she has long since moved out, she talks to me of the “production” that Christmas Day always is for the family in her mother’s home.

She had not intended to follow her parents’ vocation. As a girl she aspired to be a dancer, but did not grow into the kind of willow that was prized. Instead she successfully auditioned for a children’s TV show and, while continuing with her A levels, went into a play with McCrory. At the Central School of Speech and Drama she tellingly studied musical theatre, a genre that her mother was not known for. Her final college show was A Little Night Music. A year later, wouldn’t you know it, Dench won an Olivier for the musical at the National.

That was in 1996. The next year Williams, then 25, became a single parent (the father’s name has never been made public). Neither Dench nor her husband discovered she was pregnant until a few weeks before Finty gave birth. Dench’s director at the National Theatre, Richard Eyre, later said that Dench was “massively wounded” by not being told — although it is likely that it was Michael Williams, a traditional Catholic, whom Finty had feared telling more. In the end, naturally, Williams Sr came round. “Who couldn’t be pleased with Sammy in your midst,” she says. He is now 21 and travelling. “He’s an excellent chap.”

Since Pack of Lies is about secrets, I wonder what her take on that period of secrecy is. “Oh, man! No, it is not helpful. It was something that happened to me when I was really young,” she says, adding that she should be allowed to move on from her mistakes. “Bringing it up brings back those old feelings. ‘Oh yes, I remember how that feels: it makes you feel pretty shit.’ ”

After her father died of lung cancer in 2001, Williams hit some terrible times, but pulled herself out from under them four years later when she entered a clinic for her alcoholism. She has not drunk since. “It was a whole mixture of things . . .” she begins and peters out. Her head sinks almost until it hits the table. “I suppose a lot of it was I didn’t feel pretty enough, or talented enough, or funny enough, or interesting enough. I always felt the most interesting things about me were things that weren’t about me.”

But possibly to do with her parents? “Yes. And not many — and I really do stress not many — but there are a few people I have met in my life who have reinforced that feeling. Maybe they were friends with me for reasons other than being friends with me.” This was all a long time ago, she says. She is now “incredibly happy”, “very well” and “very, very content”.

“It doesn’t mean I still don’t sometimes feel how I used to feel, but now, what do I do now? I watch reality television and I drink tea and I eat a Terry’s Chocolate Orange and I get on with it.”

She has done rather more than that. She has worked consistently as an actress, in films such as The Secret Rapture and Gosford Park, on television in Cranford and Born and Bred, and most frequently on stage, including with her mother in The Vote at the Donmar Warehouse in 2015. Performing at the Globe in Nell Leyshon’s Bedlam in 2010, she met the actor Joseph Timms and they have been together ever since. With Timms, she says. she “won the lottery”.

“Genuinely, I am so content. Funnily enough, about two months ago somebody sent me a thing on Facebook and it said, ‘Wanted, person 40 years plus, to go out to a Greek island to look after 55 cats for seven months. Accommodation supplied. You will be paid per month. Please apply.’ And do you know what? There was a part of me that thought, ‘Yeah, I could do that.’

“We’re all puppies at the end of the day. We’re all puppies who do a job and go, ‘Please like us! Please like us!’ I needed that at one point in my life. Actually, I’ve got to a stage where I could go and look after 55 cats on a Greek island and I would be just as happy.”

I really hope she doesn’t because while she may not be the marvellous Dame Judi, plenty regard her as the marvellous Finty Williams. This is not flattery. After we part, on good terms I think, I contact three directors who have worked with her.

The first to reply is Michael Attenborough, who as Richard’s son knows something about families that cast shadows. Directing her in JB Priestley’s Dangerous Corner four years ago, he discovered, he says, a “Rolls-Royce”. He speaks of her “effortless sensuality”, her “sense of humour” and her “energy within”. “If I was putting a company together I would have Finty in it any day.”

Roy Marsden, best known as Adam Dalgliesh in the ITV PD James adaptations, directed her in Noël Coward’s Volcano in the West End in 2012. He extols a “delicate, beautiful talent” with whom it was “a delight” to rehearse. “Her facility as an actor is enormous, but her own self-doubt, I know, frightens her. Yet as soon as she walks on to the stage from the wings it all disappears and you go, ‘Wow!’ ”

Finally, the actress Eve Best, who directed her as Lady Macduff in Macbeth at the Globe in 2013, comes back to me. “Finty,” she says, “has that rare mix of heart-shattering vulnerability and a sort of flinty toughness that says, ‘Don’t f*** with me.’ Utterly brave, utterly generous, ready to put her heart on the line.”

Attenborough says one other thing. In rehearsal Williams, he says, “gives everything”. He is not at all surprised that I should find her somewhat spent by 4.30 in the afternoon. “She gives her all.” She has given me her all too. Next time we meet, let’s settle for a lunchtime sandwich. Pack of Lies is at the Menier Chocolate Factory, London SE1, to November 17

picture credits

1) Finty Williams and her mother, Judi Dench (DAVE M. BENETT/GETTY IMAGES)

2) CHRIS MCANDREW FOR THE TIMES

3) Jasper Britton, Chris Larkin, Macy Nyman and Williams in Pack of Lies

4) Williams in 2000 with Michael, her father, and DenchMICHAEL CRABTREE/PA

[pixelgrotto]

The deductive point ‘n click escapades of a forgotten southern belle  Adventure games of the point ‘n click variety are a genre that tend to feature female protagonists more often than others. Why this is the case, I’m not entirely sure - it might have something to do with the stereotype that women are more patient, more willing to read and perhaps better at solving puzzles than men. Or, perhaps legendary adventure game designer Roberta Williams’ influence still holds strong, at least on a subconscious level in the minds of designers, over the genre that she helped nourish in the 80s and 90s, and the heroines of today’s games are merely following in the footsteps of fine women that preceded them, like Rosella of Daventry in King’s Quest IV.  Whatever the reason, despite there being quite a few point ‘n clickers popping up these days with engaging female protagonists (Kathy Rain is one that I played early this year and enjoyed), there’s a 1920s southern belle who probably deserved a long-lasting series but only got two games which are somewhat overlooked these days. Her name is Laura Bow, and she served as the protagonist of two Sierra titles that were released in 1989 and 1992 - The Colonel’s Bequest and The Dagger of Amon Ra. 

Laura seems to have been specifically patterned after famous silent film actress Clara Bow, but at her heart she’s more like a slightly older version of Nancy Drew, and her two games embody Nancy’s fine tradition of mystery solving. The Colonel’s Bequest takes place on a private island in the bayous of New Orleans as Laura accompanies a friend and fellow Tulane University student for a weekend getaway at the manor of her uncle, Colonel Dijon. The old man is bequeathing his fortune to relatives and has invited a motley assortment of characters right out of an Agatha Christie paperback - the drunk aunt, the conceited Hollywood starlet, the perverted doctor who seems to have a thing for betting on the ponies - and a la Clue, bodies start piling up as the relatives presumably begin offing themselves in order to get Dijon’s fortune first. 

I mentioned Roberta Williams previously, and The Colonel’s Bequest was actually designed by her as one of those rare side projects that didn’t feature the words “King’s” and “Quest” in the title. (Hm, I suppose it’s called The Colonel’s Bequest, so scratch that.) It’s always hard to tell how much Roberta was involved in non-King’s Quest projects - The Dagger of Amon Ra, for instance, was directed by Bruce Balfour despite featuring her name on the box - but I’d wager that she intended The Colonel’s Bequest to be a spiritual remake of her very first adventure game (and indeed, the first graphical adventure game ever), Mystery House. Mystery House featured a similar murder plot, and The Colonel’s Bequest takes this concept and evolves it, offering a unique structure where there aren’t really any puzzles to solve but instead “scenes” to witness. The entire game is structured like a play - there’s even a cast curtain call in the beginning - and Laura is encouraged to spend as much time as possible talking with the potential murder suspects and finding unique ways to eavesdrop on them. 

The game’s manual makes a huge deal about this emphasis on observing the story and slowly figuring out the links between characters in an effort to deduce the killer, and we can look at Johnny L. Wilson’s 1990 review of the game in Computer Gaming World as an example of how this approach was seen as admirable, fresh and also a bit risky at the time. Don’t let the fact that there aren’t many puzzles fool you into thinking that The Colonel’s Bequest is easy, though - it’s just as tough as Sierra’s other adventures with just as many nonsensical ways to die, and the unique structure where certain events and conversations are “timed” (indicated on screen by a clock) means that sometimes you’ll be wandering around aimlessly searching for the next thing to do, or possibly miss out on vital bits of info because you weren’t at the right place at the right time. It’s a little like The Last Express, only less refined. 

Luckily, the game’s great atmosphere makes up for any shortcomings that its boldly unorthodox but occasionally clunky design creates. This is one of the best 16 color titles that Sierra produced with their SC10 engine, and the soundtrack is packed with jazzy songs influenced by the Roaring Twenties with just enough sense to know when to be quiet as well. As you navigate Laura across the silent grounds of the mansion in the dead of night, wondering where the killer might be, it’s very possible to get shaken by the sound of lightning bursting in the background, and I can certainly imagine young players in 1989 jumping out of their skin when they encountered such moments.

Laura’s next outing, The Dagger of Amon Ra, trades the dark island setting for the Egyptology craze of the 20s, and loses a little bit in the process but makes up for it with 256 colors, rotoscoped animations (which are darn smooth but cause character sprites to be a bit muddy, unfortunately) and an even catchier selection of jazz tunes, including an amusing vocal track called “The Archaeologist Song.” Oh, and the CD version is a “talkie” game, with performances that range from kinda terrible (Sierra was still having their employees voice these games at the time instead of hiring actors) to excellent (Laura’s got a cute southern accent and the narrator’s voice is heavenly).  

The plot revolves around the titular Dagger of Amon Ra, an Egyptian artifact that’s been stolen from a New York City museum. Laura, now a fresh grad from Tulane and in the middle of her first journalism assignment at an NYC paper, has to navigate the mean streets of Manhattan, infiltrate a speakeasy and chat with a mildly racist caricature of a Chinese laundromat owner before getting into the museum, where she once again encounters a wide cast of characters, from the stuck up British twat who removed the dagger from Egypt to the nutty countess, who is possibly engaged in some mild robbery efforts around the museum when nobody’s looking. People start dying pretty soon (and their death scenes are grand - check out this poor SOB who got decapitated and stuck with a Perodactyl beak) and while the beginning section of the game outside of the museum is more like a traditional point ‘n click affair, once you’re locked inside the building after the first murder, everything becomes reminiscent of The Colonel’s Bequest. You’ve got to meander about, hope you bumble upon the right conversations and try your best to piece together clues before the murderer suddenly starts chasing you during the game’s second-to-last chapter. 

The Dagger of Amon Ra kind of stumbles in its execution of this form of gameplay more than its predecessor, because all the chapters of museum exploration feel terribly disjointed even more than walking around Colonel Dijon’s mansion did. Also, the character motivations are unclear, which is a problem in a mystery game - especially one where the entire final chapter actually involves Laura being quizzed by the coroner in an annoying game of 20 Questions as to the identity and motives of the killer! If you slip up once during this finale, you’ll get the bad ending, which involves the killer finding Laura’s apartment and GUNNING HER IN HER SLEEP, jinkies. And even if you succeed and get the good ending, which sees Laura writing her first award-winning expose on the theft and hooking up with putzy love interest Steve Dorian, it’s still quite impossible to discern the killer’s motives and why he went about his nefarious deeds, because The Dagger of Amon Ra just...doesn’t explain things. I’m not the only one who had trouble figuring it out - The Adventure Gamer blog wrote up a fantastic series of posts about this game and came to the same confused reaction as I did. 

Both Laura Bow adventures come from an older time where it was common to take notes as you went through a game, so perhaps my puzzlement at The Dagger of Amon Ra’s ending is due to my lack of pencil and paper by my side as I played. I did use walkthroughs for both games, though, and if you do end up checking them out (they’re available on GOG), I’d recommend doing the same. You probably still won’t be able to figure out why whatshisname stole that dagger, but despite their flaws, the Laura Bow games really are worth experiencing. Laura’s a likeable lead (just look at this adorable expression on her face as she stumbles upon the museum’s French skank engaged in hanky panky with the janitor) and she does a fine job of showing off the spirit of the 20s, an underrepresented period in the pantheon of electronic gaming. 

Laura never got a third game, and as far as mystery franchises go, Sierra soon passed the torch to the Gabriel Knight series, which apparently takes place in the same universe, since Gabriel visits Tulane in Sins of the Fathers and hears word of a lecture being given by “Laura Bow Dorian” - a hint that Laura married Steve Dorian and lived happily ever after! I’m glad that Ms. Bow got a nice ending even if we couldn’t see it in game form, and I’m sure that if she were a real person, she would be pleased to see spiritual successors of sorts like the aforementioned Kathy Rain following in her footsteps today. 

This is perhaps a good place to mention The Crimson Diamond, an upcoming indie game in the works by Canadian illustrator Julia Minamata. I recently played through the demo and am eagerly awaiting the full release - it’s almost like a direct sequel of The Colonel’s Bequest with an alternate universe version of Laura. Rest assured, Ms. Bow - even if your adventures aren’t as remembered these days as they should be, the example you set of the enterprising female gumshoe is alive, well and in good hands!

All box art and screenshots from Mobygames. 

[accessoriespolh]

Inpector gadget. artoon

#INPECTOR GADGET. ARTOON MOVIE#

#INPECTOR GADGET. ARTOON SERIES#

#INPECTOR GADGET. ARTOON TV#

Inspector Gadget’s Brain also took part in the sequel, which was a good thing.

#INPECTOR GADGET. ARTOON SERIES#

Adams, of course, voiced Gadget in the original series and its various spinoffs, which were somewhat of a parody of his role as the main character in Get Smart, which was itself a parody of spy movies. In a end-credits cameo, Don Adams provides the voice of Brain as he talks to Penny via a collar walkie talkie. In other canine moments, during a dream sequence Brown flings a Chihuahua across a street (and then catches it safely), and a car theft is accomplished in front of a vet clinic. (Possibly Skip in My Dog Skip helped with this, too.) He contributes to the film by comforting various characters when they need it and stealing a minion’s underwear during the final fight sequence. On the other hand, there is Brain, Penny’s Beagle, who is the reason I fell in love with the breed. Penny is more like Gadget’s mother than his pre-teen niece, which is a little odd,

#INPECTOR GADGET. ARTOON MOVIE#

Rupert Everett’s Claw was nothing like the cartoon version, instead being an unhinged creeper, and Gadget himself harassed Brenda throughout the movie as well. (Dabney Coleman’s line about a cross between Columbo and a Nintendo is about the best quote.)

#INPECTOR GADGET. ARTOON TV#

There are a disconcerting amount of random spoof attempts ranging from Mission: Impossible to Godzilla and the 1960’s Batman TV series, some of which work better than others. While I loved it as a kid (had the complete McDonald’s Happy Meal set of tie-in toys), even then I knew it was terrible, and a recent rewatch really confirmed this opinion.Īfter security guard John Brown is killed during a robbery, he is rebuilt and resurrected as a cyborg, sworn into the Riverton Police Department as a PR stunt, and stumbles his way through finding the guy who killed him, a rich businessman named Sanford Scolex (AKA Dr. If you don’t remember it (or blocked it out of your memory), Inspector Gadget is a 1999 Disney comedy that moves at a frantic pace (80 minutes, 12 of which are credits), starring Matthew Broderick (WarGames, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, 1998 Godzilla ) as the clueless eponymous cyborg police officer, Michelle Trachtenberg as his niece Penny, Joely Fisher as would-be love interest Brenda Bradford and comedian DL Hughley as the voice of his car, the Gadgetmobile. While fans of the 1980’s syndicated cartoon series may disagree, it seems kind of obvious. Inspector Gadget’s Brain is without question the best part of the movies. Inspector Gadget’s Brain was the best part of the movies, easily. There's only so much we can do with our lives.By Wesley Coburn 2 years ago Follow Tweet And to anyone who was listening, don't watch it, it ain't worth it. Sigh, I think I might as well stick a DVD of the old and far better Gadget on. Well, how about the ugly and unappealing animation that looks rushed and dull? Or the fact it's the usual Canadian toon that has 2 segments nowadays in one episode which means everything is rushed? Is that fine for ya? Hold on a minute, no one's here. Okay, what if I told you that Dr Claw isn't menacing in the slightest and has an actor who overacts so much you'll pine for the days of Frank Welker? Oh and even better, what if I said he has a new sidekick who is irritating? Still not enough. What if I told you that Inspector Gadget has been turned into an annoying and bumbling fool who falls other every time just to get a cheap laugh from the audience? Will that turn ya off? No. I'll have to think of cunning ways to tell you why you shouldn't watch it. But no, I'm not here to praise the original like some happy type of guy who just had his first taste of coffee, I'm here to say that this so-called "updated" version ain't worth your time. We all know what the original series was like, it had good animation, funny jokes and memorable characters. Boom! Did you hear that sound? Something tells me another childhood favourite has bitten the dust and has been replaced by a lifeless CG version.

[ridleykemp]

Bass YouTube is Best YouTube

So, what have I been up to while this place was collecting cobwebs? Mostly house things, a lot of medical stuff, no small amount of avoiding doing stuff I’m supposed to do, and, when there was time, I watched a lot of YouTube, which is something I’ve never done before.

I’ve been missing out.

I’ve been complaining for years about the lack of a la carte television and I’ve known the whole time that you can find pretty much anything you want on YouTube, but I never it together. Nicole, on the other hand, has been on this forever and I suspect she thinks it’s cute that I’m just now coming around. Not for the first time, if I’m being honest.

Anyway, I wanted to share some of the channels that I’ve found to be the most fun.

Music and, most importantly, bass: Adam Neely: Adam’s channel was my gateway to music YouTube. He’s a pretty theory heavy dude, but I find him informative and funny and he’s a heck of a communicator. He’s one of the proponents of bass guitar as the greatest instrument and that’s a bit I can’t help but respect. As much as I enjoyed the chugga chugga choo choo episode, I’d start with The Worst Jazz Solo of All Time.

Davie504: With almost 10m subscribers, Davie504 isn’t terribly obscure, but if you’re not familiar with him, this is your wake-up call. He’s an incredibly silly Italian bassist who is aces at creating a character, staying in character, and making terrific videos. You’d think the joke would wear thin, but it hasn’t yet for me. Oh, and kind of surprisingly, he can really play, too. I’d start with Can I Play the Top Basslines of All Times?

Samuraiguitarist: Easily my favorite Canadian country guitarist. Sammy G is at his best when talking about gear and technique, which is a nice break from some of the more theory-heavy channels I watch. He’s near the top of the list of “YouTube personalities I think I’d enjoy in real life.” Start with Testing Gimmicky Guitar Gadgets.

12Tone: Speaking of theory-heavy, this is one of the best channels out there for making music theory interesting and fun. His deal is making doodles that go along with what he’s talking about and there are all kinds of neat Easter eggs in them. He gets a little salty sometimes too, which is a lot of fun. If you’re into that sort of thing, go check out: Why Ben Shapiro Is Wrong About Rap.

Espen Kraft: Espen Kraft IS the 80s. He’ll tell you as much, too. He’s a musician/producer/gearhead after my own heart and he lives for making 80s style music with 80s gear. It’s great fun if you remember the 80s, which is something I most definitely do. While if it were me, I’d go straight to him talking about my beloved DW-8000, maybe start with 10 Iconic Synth Sounds.

Bad Gear: This channel is by far the most formulaic, but it’s a great formula: He reviews the most hated audio gear of the past. It ticks all the boxes: A discussion of why the gear is reviled, a demo of it, a couple of song featuring it, pros, cons, and, as always, a conclusion. The Bad Gear- Akai Tom Cat - The Better Rhythm Wolf??? episode is one of my favorites.

My favorite thing about music YouTube is watching these folks interact and reference each other. I watch a lot of music YouTube. Other good ones;

Simon The Magpie: Gear hacker who has more imagination than is good for him. Look Mum No Computer: You do NOT want to see the Furby organ… ixi music: Local artist’s deep dive into Nine Inch Nails. Very, very deep dive into it. The 8-Bit Guy: Texas guy who works with old home keyboards and computers. Sonicstate: Good channel. Needs more PWM. Jorb: Another gear guy. Kindred spirit. Syntaur: Local synth parts/sales place. Carlos is a great guy. Alamo Music Audio Lab: Local music store’s channel.

Educational and Related Channels:

Insider: There’s a lot to love here. What I’m binging right now are the “How Real Is It?” videos, where experts go over how well movies and TV shows portray their specialist subject. I started with the Master Pickpocket Breaks Down 12 Pocketing Tricks In Movies and found myself just watching everything that came after.

The LockPickingLawyer: This channel is, if you hadn’t guessed, more about the lock picking than the lawyering. Mostly, he demonstrates how shockingly easy it is for him to pick most popular, well-reviewed locks. There are some bad locks out there, folks. This one’s my favorite: Locksmith Says My Videos Are BS… Loses $75 (Maybe).

Vox: OK, so, I have a distant relationship to Vox media but no money changes hands so that’s all the disclosure I’m up for. Anyway, it’s Vox. They overproduce the crap out of their videos, but there’s some good stuff in there. Start with How a recording-studio mishap shaped ‘80s music. P.S. Prince totally stole from Phil Collins, much more so than the other way around.

Other Fun, Mostly Wholesome Stuff:

The Fish Whisperer: A guy with a fish tank on his farm befriends the animals. That’s about it. But, honestly, what more do you need? Here’s Turtles Love Pizza.

Capybara Donguri: Capybaras are perfect. You cannot have too many of them in your life. There are no bad capybara vidoes. Wait…there is one. Don’t watch that one. Watch Capybaras Are Natural Actors; They Have Such Expressive Faces and Body Language instead.

Timotainment: Do you like surrealism? Sure you do. You’ve seen memes based on this ‘un. Stonks. Pile. Angery. All classics.

Screen Rant: Just go there for the Pitch Meetings. Ryan has it down to an art and they are both a lot of fun and very insightful criticism. I’ve had friends tell me how bad certain movies were, sent them the Pitch Meeting for the film, and their response is “Yes, exactly! That’s what I was trying to say!” This is how I avoided, say, Alien Covenant for example.

There are more, of course, but that’s enough for now I figure. I hope someone finds something they like on there. Or, at least, doesn’t completely lose what little respect they had for me.

-RK