#like why should Kiryu try and help him its not like he needs or deserves it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

itsybitsylemonsqueezy · 4 years ago

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*sigh* I love him... oh, hey there tumblr! It’s been awhile, sorry about that. Been drinking a big ol’ glass of Loving Kiryu juice tho so it’s time for some Kiryu Opinions with Lemon. Sit’ya down and gather close.

I’ve recently been informed that writing Kiryu is hard. This came as a surprise to me because Kiryu is very intuitive for me to wield. Like, there’s a certain amount of pressure with writing any protag, especially one who so defines a series and a universe, even now. But I just... don’t struggle with him. All of his decisions are intuitively relatable for me.

But hearing that Kiryu was deceptively complicated made me stop and thinking about what about him appeals to me, what I find easy to move with him. I don’t know about any of you, but when I struggle to write a character, it’s because I struggle to understand their motivations. (Note that I said understand, which doesn’t necessarily mean agree with.) If I can’t explain to myself why a character is Like That, how the hell am I going to explain it to anyone else? How will I move them believably if I don’t know why they’re moving?

So this got me thinking about... why Kiryu is Like That.

One of the important things for me, whenever I have Kiryu in a scene, is that Kiryu is always in the Present. This is not true for many, many characters. Many people are reliving the past or hoping for the future. But in any given scene, even if Kiryu should be thinking about other things, what he responds to is the present, the here and now. That is first and foremost what motivates him. Whatever is happening right in front of him takes precedence. Both past events and future consequences mean very little to him compared to that.

This is drastically different, as I said, from characters like Majima, who is nearly always living in the past. A strange thing for me to say about a character as self-aware as him, but being self-aware and being in the Present are two different things. But I’m not here to talk about him today.

This is not to say that Kiryu is ignorant or foolhardy or callous. Kiryu does not deny the past its meaning or charge in blindly without an awareness of the consequences. He knows consequences will come, he simply accepts them faster than you might expect. And Kiryu is deeply affected by the past and does spend a great deal of time thinking about the past. But that’s not how his decisions get made. Many people are so afraid of or so hurt by the past, that all of their present decisions are predetermined by what has happened to them before. And that makes sense, we all learn from experience and react to it. It’s just a matter of which pieces of information any one of us is choosing to evaluate per decision. And rather than looking to past pain and past failures, or past successes, Kiryu gives deference to the most recent information. Part of the reason for this is that the only pattern Kiryu sees in the past is his failures. If everything he did before failed, why the hell would he do that again? And part of the reason is because the past is dead to Kiryu.

I said before some people live in the past. They play it out every day, trying to redeem themselves, hoping for a different ending. If they just do it right this time, things will be different, things will be better. Other people believe in do-overs. Kiryu doesn’t. Kiryu internalized when he was young that there are no do-overs. Sometimes you get one shot and you live with the consequences. That’s what Kiryu believes. When he entered the yakuza, that was the ethos instilled in him. If you make a call, you stand by it and you live with it, good, bad, or break even. Kiryu believes that, even to this day. And in his defense, many of the decisions he’s had to make were like that. Any time he made a bad call, the consequences were permanent. Any mistake he made, he could lose a friend, he could lose a war. And when he made that decision, he had to be ready for those consequences. That’s what he learned. So for him there are no do-overs. The past is dead. It’s not an active, dynamic thing that he could change, even if he wanted to. He can’t bring Nishiki back to life, he can’t save Tachibana, he can’t un-orphan Haruka. Those decisions are made and gone.

He’s not a fool and he won’t torture himself thinking about what he could have done differently. He accepts that these are the consequences. Sometimes you’re wrong and sometimes there’s nothing you can do about it. In some ways, this helps Kiryu let go. It means he’s never trying to save someone who’s already dead. It means he doesn’t dwell in regret. This gives him the ability to move forward. If he couldn’t do this, he never would have gotten up from the end of Kiwami 1. But Nishiki’s dead and there’s nothing he can do about it. So he doesn’t try. That’s the downside. Kiryu never goes back. He never tries to make it better, even for himself. Because he doesn’t think there is a way. It’s too painful to even consider that. Who is there to forgive him? Who is there to let him try again? The dead don’t talk. Kiryu accepts that he cannot change the past. Instead he flees from it.

This is an opposite defensive maneuver from trying to relive the past, he’s trying to outrun it. If he never has to make those decisions again, then he can never fuck up like that again. It’s why he refuses to be chairman, it’s why he hates being in Kamurocho. It’s all a constant reminder of his mistakes and how much they cost. And Kiryu’s defensive strategy is sometimes overactive, deciding that he can’t fix situations that haven’t yet burnt to the ground. He always assumes people won’t forgive him, that they don’t want him to try. He always assumes his failure is enough to ruin all the relationships he has. Why would you forgive someone who ruined your life? Kiryu doesn’t know why you would and doesn’t think you should. He’s paranoid about failing the people he loves and he believes that if he has failed you, you rightfully don’t love him anymore and wouldn’t want to see him. He sees his mistakes too big to know how small they are to you. So he runs from good relationships because he thinks he’s already failed them, he thinks he’s already made too many mistakes and he doesn’t deserve that relationship anymore. Maybe he never did.

And the more faith people put in him the worse this is. People treat Kiryu like he’s a god, a savior. And every time it makes Kiryu’s heart sore. He’s not afraid of his own power; he’s actually fairly confident in his abilities and has a good grasp of their reach. But seeing how much people trust him... it makes every mistake cost more. Kiryu worries because he knows he is human. No matter what anyone else thinks, he’s still just a guy. He sees himself as just a guy, maybe better trained or more gifted than some, but just a normal, mortal, flawed human being like anyone else. He knows he makes mistakes. He knows he will make mistakes again. And what if he makes a mistake that affects you? What if he’s wrong and it fucks you over? And how betrayed your trust is, how your faith in him falters... then you’ll finally see he was never worthy of it to begin with. Then you’ll feel deceived because he couldn’t live up to your expectations.

Kiryu doesn’t want to hurt you like that, hurt anyone like that. He takes the expectations on him very seriously. He knows you’re only asking because you do need help. He knows you’re very sincere. And he badly wants to do right by you. But if he... if he fucks up, that doesn’t hurt him, it hurts you. And sometimes he can’t bear that. He can’t bear failing people, being responsible for their disappointment and hurt and ruined situation.

It’s not that Kiryu wants to be reassured that he’s doing okay. People who want reassurance want to do the job they have. Kiryu hates this job. He hates being in the position to save or damn people. He hates the potential of getting it wrong and it mattering so much. And he would rather not help than risk it sometimes. His heart aches every time he’s asked again because that means... there’s no one else. It means he’s still the best you’ve got. And you deserve better, you deserve more than what he is. He’s just some guy and he’s not sure he can be what you need. He doesn’t trust himself to do it right. He wants you to have someone who WILL be there every time, who CAN weather it all. He doesn’t think he can.

He will still help, because there’s no one else, because he does understand that if he doesn’t worse things will happen. And he’ll become responsible by not having stepped in. But this is why he’s inconsistent, he doesn’t think he can do more, he doesn’t trust himself. And he gets scared of how much people believe in him.

He really doesn’t think that people could still love him, knowing he’s just some guy. He’s scared that if he isn’t perfect, like he’s supposed to be, like everyone wants him to be... everyone will feel betrayed. So he runs away to Okinawa to do something entirely different. But even then he’s scared of fucking up. He’s taken on all these young lives who depend on him and he’s waiting, he’s just waiting, to have someone tell him he’s a bad father, that he’s failed them, that he’s fucking up. And when that happens, he runs away again, so he won’t hurt them anymore. And because he doesn’t deserve to have relationships that bring him comfort and joy, he doesn’t deserve to feel useful and good, because he isn’t. He’s always been a failure.

Kiryu carries the pressure on him EXCEEDINGLY well. He almost never breaks down. But he has those break downs. He has anxiety. He worries about fucking up. His confidence curves towards stables, but when he hits a rocky point... he’s unmoored. He’s left without any reassurance that he does know what he’s doing, that he is doing okay, that he hasn’t failed every relationship he’s ever had. People still love him and forgive him and want to be with him. Want to help him try again.

I might even go so far to say that Kiryu has Imposter Syndrome. He has ex-gifted kid syndrome. Brought up with high expectations and high standards, more talented than his peers, launched into the stratosphere when he was still young, all of his personality moorings ripped away... He’s constantly just trying to be a good person, the best he knows how. And he takes it very, very hard when he falls short of what he was told all his life he could be. He doesn’t believe he ever achieved it.

I love Kiryu. I hope this helped show why.

#Kiryu Kazuma #Please hug him #Please tell him he's okay #He never gets a chance to tell anyone how he's suffering #And it breaks my heart looking at him some times #Yakuza

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subasekabang · 6 years ago

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Ties We Bind (& Break), Chapter 5

Author: composeregg Rating: T Word Count: 15435, Chapter total: 4170 Pairings/Characters: Joshua/Neku, Shiki/Eri, Joshua & Neku & Shiki & Beat & Rhyme & Eri in a queerplatonic poly-pile relationship. Hanekoma, Kariya. Warnings: Includes depression heavily, and mentions of suicide. Summary: One year after the Long Game, a tall boy named Yuuto Kimura, who has messy black hair, glasses, and bright green eyes, stumbles into Neku’s life, and he can’t help but let him get close, letting him join the circle of friends.

One year after the Long Game, Joshua aches to hang out with Neku again, but the restrictions he’s gained for his transgressions are very clear: Yoshiya Kiryu, Composer of Shibuya, is not to interact with Neku Sakuraba.

(But every rule has a loophole.)

Author’s Note: Each chapter is also being added to ao3! Here! (Small delay per chapter).

Featuring autistic/neurodivergent characters, the “Joshua is Neku’s Dead Best Friend” theory, and lots of headcanons abound.

“Where is he?”

Yuuto looks over at Neku from his place sprawled on Neku’s bedroom floor. The declaration makes him raise an eyebrow, and Beat, Shiki, and Rhyme sigh.

Neku is sitting on his bed, flopped over Beat’s lap with a sketchbook in front of him. Rhyme is leaning against its base, and Shiki has staked a claim on the desk chair. Yuuto himself has his back against the wall, laying on his side so he can look at the others. With Neku talking, he sets down his phone.

“Where is who?” he asks.

A sigh escapes him as Neku looks back. “My second week Partner.” Oh. “His name is Joshua, and I haven’t seen him since the last day of my Game.”

“You don’t talk about him much, Neku,” says Shiki, eyebrows scrunched as she looks up from her current sewing project.

“Yeah,” he mutters. “It’s complicated, guys.”

More than you know.

“He did somthin’ to ya, we know that, but you’ve never said what,” Beat chimes in, and oh, they’re prompting Neku. Trying to get the full story out of him.

Neku wavers, fingers tapping at the paper in front of him as indecision flickers across his face. He needs to tell them. Neku can’t keep this bottled up forever, nor can he wait for Josh to emerge.

All it takes is one Imprint. He doesn’t even notice the subtle sway wriggling its way into his head, urging him on, strengthening his impulse to spill the secret.

Tell them. What’s the worst that could happen? They deserve to know, and if Joshua protests, well, you were never told not to tell them.

“Joshua is the Composer, and he shot me. Twice.” The words spill past his lips, tumbling off his tongue, before he slaps a hand over his mouth, eyes widening.

Rhyme gives Yuuto a Look, making sure no one else notices. He shrugs back, sending a thought over to them: He needs to get it out, he’s bottled all this up. There’s nothing against the rules… Explicitly.

“What the fuck?” Shiki is staring at Neku, and Beat is too.

“It’s complicated–”

“Okay but what the actual fuck? He shot you!?” She stands, huffing and pacing the room, running fingers through her hair. “You still want him to show up after he did that to you?”

“Shiki please–”

“I’m wit’ her man, why would you want that?” Beat says, fist clenched.

It should concern Yuuto more, honestly. Rhyme is still glaring at him. Yet, all he can do is frown, and tap a finger to his chin. “I’m sure Neku has his reasons, why don’t we let him speak them?”

Neku shoots him a grateful look as the others quiet down, and Shiki flops back into the chair, keeping her mouth shut but her eyes on Neku, ready to judge if the explanation is satisfactory.

“Joshua is… Complicated.” Neku sighs, sitting up and leaning against the wall, instead of lying on Beat’s lap. It’s no doubt easy to pull away, pull into himself.

“I think he’s a lot like me. Or, before and during the Game he was similar to how I was when you all first met me. Only worse. Depression and loneliness gave him a misanthropic view of the world, and I could feel it.” He runs a hand through his hair. Gelled spikes don’t agree with the treatment, so he switches to twisting the end of one between his fingers.

“I related to him, we had the same sort of humor and outlook, except seeing his helped me re-evaluate my own. It hurt, when I thought he shot me, even though he was an annoying git. It hurt even more, when I thought he got himself Erased to save me, and I thought he hadn’t killed me for that last week.”

Yuuto keeps his expression neutral, a blank sheet of paper. The sacrifice might’ve been over-the-top, it might’ve been what kept Neku from shooting him. Neku knew what it was like to lose him, and he didn’t want to cause himself that pain. Again.

“I dunno…” Neku continues, “I don’t forgive him, but he was my Partner, and you all know what that’s like. He chose me as a Proxy, playing some fucked-up game with the Conductor. At the end…”

“You don’t talk about what happened in that final room,” Rhyme says, moving away from the bed so they can look up at Neku.

“The Conductor got Erased, and he challenged me to a duel. Whoever won got to choose what to do with Shibuya, he wanted to Erase the UG. Even with that motive, even knowing everything he did, I couldn’t pull the trigger. And he shot me. Again.”

A slight tremor runs through Neku’s body. His Music is a cacophony of noise, but Joshua keeps the Noise at bay, even when he looks like Yuuto. There are no tears, but grief wells within Neku.

“If he won, why is Shibuya still standing? Why did any of us get brought back?” Shiki asks.

“Erasing the UG wouldn’t destroy Shibuya,” says Yuuto. “Just the UnderGround, and a shiny new one would grow back. Erasing the UG, however, would Erase the Composer. If the Composer is Erased with no one there to take his spot, no Conductor or person who beat them, then the UG collapses.”

Neku freezes, the guitar strings of his Music snapping as he whips his head toward Yuuto. For a second, he thinks Neku’s caught on, he’s been caught, but… “Oh my god. Did he want to die?”

“I can’t answer that. You did say he seemed depressed, though.” Yuuto doesn’t look up, grabbing a safety pin off his clothes to pick at his nails with.

Of course Neku hadn’t caught him. He shouldn’t even want that. And yet, the idea of Neku piecing together the puzzle fills him with a soft fuzz, warm because it’d mean Neku knew him well enough to see through his disguise.

Maybe if he had all his memories…

But that’s an impossibility.

“Still… I trust him, he and I were Partners. We had a bond.” Neku waves a hand in the air. “The least he could do is meet up with me, because I want an explanation, he owes me one. But no! It’s been two years, and he’s nowhere to be found!”

Silence falls, until: “Maybe he can’t?” Rhyme asks.

Neku’s head snaps to look at them, eyebrows furrowed. “What?”

“Maybe… What if there’s rules you don’t know about, and he’s not allowed to see you?” they explain.

Joshua would hug them, if he could, but alas, it would be weird if he did that now, as Yuuto. He’ll send them a thank-you text tonight.

“If there’s a rule against visiting me but not one against shooting me then the rules are messed up. And if there is one, then he’s a hypocrite.”

Yuuto snorts, rolling his eyes. “Fair enough.”

“He still deserves to get punched in the fucking face,” Shiki says. “If I see him, I’ll chuck something at him for you.”

Neku laughs, and oh, no matter how much he gets to hear that nowadays, it still sends a buzz of energy through his stomach. Like being zapped by a lightning bolt psych.

“Well, if you get the chance, go right ahead, but make sure to tell him to stop being a coward, too.”

White light cascades from the rooftop of 104, obscured by the sun. He sits, legs dangling over the edge.

Rhyme climbs the stairs, and pops the door open.

Joshua doesn’t move. His edges are blurred, ink smeared and blended, and they can’t tell where he ends and Shibuya begins. Not RG, maybe not even UG, a frequency buzzing in the back of their head that sends static stabs through their skull.

They shove it to the side, and plop down by him. “So, sitting on the roof, huh? Wistfully staring out at the city?”

He snorts. “You know how it is: doubting life, and death, choices, being the emo seventeen-year-old you never got to be in life. Having a vague existential and moral crisis.”

“Is this… About what Neku said yesterday?”

“He’s right,” Joshua says, light surrounding him starting to dim. The harsh glow fades, and Rhyme can feel him slide down the vibes, into the RG. “I am a hypocrite. He deserves better.”

They headbutt him, leaning against his side. For all that Josh proclaims to be cold and dead, the warmth emanating from him is full of life. Maybe it’s fake, meant to comfort, or habit so he doesn’t alarm any of the group with clammy skin claimed by the grave, but they think it helps his mental state, too.

“He doesn’t want better though, he wants you. Tell me your side of the story.”

He sighs and flops onto his back, staring up at the sky. “He was meant to be my replacement. I wanted to be gone. I’d messed up bad, and he was so much like me, in so much pain, that I thought the Game could make him better, and he could free me from my misery.”

Looking down, the distance to the ground is far, the people below flowing like rivers, intermingling and dispersing. Individuals are lost to the crowd. “There’s more, isn’t there? You fixated on Neku for this, instead of anyone else.”

“Neku deserves to be the first to learn about that reason. Sorry, but it wouldn’t be fair.”

They nod, and swing their feet.

“You shouldn’t be so close to the edge, you know,” he says, and they laugh.

Pulling their legs up, they flop around so their head dangles instead, hair blowing in the wind. “If I fall, you will most certainly catch me.”

A rustle is the only sign they get that he moves, until he sits right on their feet. “And now you won’t fall at all. Beat would skin me if he knew I let you do this.”

“Nah, Neku and I wouldn’t let him.”

“So,” says Shiki, “you like him, don’t you?”

It would be useless to flail his limbs, sputter and deny her words, so instead, Yuuto sighs and nods. “What gave me away?”

She laughs, rolling her eyes. “You’re pining, it’s obvious to anyone with eyes. You sprawl yourself over him whenever he gives you permission, like a cat seeking affection. You’re always staring at him when he isn’t looking!”

A cat seeking affection, he snorts. “I’m just a big, cuddly snow leopard. I’m touchy-feely with all of you, how is it different with him?”

“Even on your bad days, you lean against him. You don’t let anyone else touch you, but he’s always allowed,” she says.

“I guess,” he shrugs, tapping his pencil against the paper in front of him.

Since becoming friends with everyone, his apartment had become lived in. Trinkets and gifts from the past year fill the space. Shiki has given him some plushies, and pillows with pretty designs rest on the couch where she sits. Eri’s gifts are clothes picked from the rack, if it’s not a joint-gift from her and Shiki in the form of clothes they’ve made.

Beat has taken to cooking, and Yuuto keeps his kitchen stocked. In return, he gets good food and a skateboard resting in the entryway closet. Rhyme gives stim toys, from the reversible-sequin snap bracelet to the rainbow tangle.

As for Neku… Art hangs on the once-barren walls. A landscape of Shibuya in watercolor hangs behind the couch, and a portrait of the entire gang is framed and placed near the entrance.

Papers and pencils are scattered everywhere. Neku keeps a case of art supplies here. Everyone has small projects that have taken up residency, and Shiki is working on one of them now. Stitching a snow leopard into existence.

“The thing you’re working on, it’s for Neku, isn’t it?” Shiki asks, breaking the silence.

He nods. “I’m composing. I’ve got most of it down, in fact it’s pretty much finished, but I’m worried… Will he like it?”

She looks over at him, a quick glance before her eyes dart away again. “What? Are you gonna serenade him or something?”

“Yes, actually, I am,” he says, tossing the paper to the side and himself to the floor. It’s pointless to sit on the chair when it impedes his creative flow. “But it’s so impossible to know if he’ll appreciate it. If he’ll understand my reasoning. I don’t even know if I want him to know yet!” he moans, rolling onto his side.

“Then play for me,” she says, like it’s the most simple conclusion in the world. “I can tell you if he’ll like it, at least.”

Yuuto perks up. “You’d be cool with that?” When she nods, he jumps, dashing to his room to retrieve the violin.

She doesn’t see it appear from thin air in his hands, doesn’t see his form flicker ever so slightly. He comes back looking like Yuuto as always.

“Serenade me, music boy.” She stabs the animal in her hand with the needle again, something to fiddle with so she can enjoy the music more, no doubt.

A laugh. He sets up the stand for his music, and positions the violin. “Now, ideally, this is somewhere like, WildKat, and I’m wearing one of your super fancy suits, but we can discuss that later.”

Yuuto raises the bow, and lets the magic happen.

Fast-paced, running through Shibuya streets with the beat, weaving through crowds and ducking into back alleys. It starts soft, then crescendos. He closes his eyes, letting the high notes weave together with the low.

The pulse matches time with the heartbeat of the city, spray paint graffiti hits the wall. The echo of a drum plays through his tune, noticed by its absence. A solo player is not a quartet, is not a band, and he does not have techno parts to add for a violin solo, but he lets the music do the talking.

Imagination weaves through the notes, calling forth the memory of other instruments, adding the illusion of more than there is.

Yuuto steps in time, sways, pacing a fluid circle to match his song. Not his song. Neku’s song, Neku’s Music. Music warped and persuaded into playing on a single violin, playing over the strings to describe him.

Magic is kept to a minimum, he doesn’t call forth the actual sounds, or implant them as more than elusive notes, but it’s impossible to give off the feel he wants without it. Impossible to transcribe the flashes of orange and piercing blue, the splash of color he brings everywhere, the conflicting notes and discord of life.

Joshua does his best, but there’s only so much he can do without dropping his disguise.

The final note draws out as the song comes to a close. The real one plays on elsewhere in the city, but he cannot play his violin all day.

Opening his eyes, he looks to Shiki, finding her staring on with awestruck wide eyes, and a jaw dropped far enough to catch flies. The snow leopard in her lap left abandoned.

He bows with a flourish, before setting his instrument down.

“So, think he’ll like it?” Yuuto asks with a grin that wavers like the final note.

“If he doesn’t fall head-over-heels for you after hearing that, you’re shit outta luck my dude.”

She stays unnoticed, trailing behind Yuuto after the weekly meetup. Shiki doesn’t want to suspect a friend, but he’s suspicious, plain and simple.

Yuuto doesn’t make it to every meeting, which she can understand, but it’s a regular occurrence every few weeks. He’s had lunch with a Reaper, chatting like old friends. He knows too much about the Game, more than any of the Players should know, more than Neku ever learned.

WildKat is the destination, and she hangs back to watch through the windows as Yuuto enters. Standing in the shadow of a nearby building, staying out of sight, she expects to find some shady business going down.

Shiki doesn’t expect him to have a fucking magical girl transformation.

Bathed in a glow of light, his features blur, glaring against the window. As it fades, black hair grows and turns white, his body shrinks, and the glasses he wears are removed. His skin goes pale, and–

She’s seen him before.

She doesn’t need to see the violet eyes or the smirk to know that frame. He’s talking to Mr. Hanekoma, facing away, but the picture rings clear in her brain.

Neku has filled pages upon pages of his sketchbook with that person. She’s seen him in the ink staining paper while he vents far too often.

The bell chimes above her head, and she’s faced with Yuuto again. The last vestiges of creamy light fading from view, dismissed as aftereffects of being in the sun if she didn’t know any better.

“Hey, Shiki, what are you doing here–”

The steel in her eyes leaves no room for him to finish that sentence as she marches over to him, her voice a snake’s hiss. “You have ten seconds to explain to me what the fuck I just saw, starting now.”

He slides off the stool, taking a step back from her pointed finger. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He laughs, rubbing his neck.

“Try again. You changed. I saw that. I saw who. Six seconds.”

Yuuto scrambles, holding his hands in the air as he retreats, back to the window. “Okay, okay. It’s. Shit, it’s complicated. Give me a moment.”

She holds up five fingers. In the silence, she ticks it down to four.

“I can’t, okay? I can’t. There’s… A lot. Where do I start?”

“Start with why the fuck you’re hiding your identity from all of us!” He’s down to three fingers now, and as Mr. Hanekoma slips out of the room, she takes note of the steaming cup of coffee on the counter.

“Well,” two fingers. “I wasn’t hiding it from all of you. Rhyme figured it out in a month.” He takes another step back. “I just… I can’t tell Neku who I am, okay?”

“So you’re a liar, then?” One.

“No! Well, yes. It’s complicated, give me some time to–”

Gravel escapes her throat as she huffs, grabbing the cup and throwing it.

The scalding coffee never reaches its target, suspended in midair, lid popped off as some splashes over the edge.

Yuuto’s eyes glow violet.

The glow washes over the rest of his body, and vanishes when he blinks.

Joshua stands in front of her. Coffee hangs between them. His hand is still outstretched.

“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t walk over there and punch you. Or take a picture and tell Neku.” Her voice is flat, buried deep in the anger boiling in her stomach.

“You can’t tell Neku. If he knows, Yuuto will have to leave without a goodbye,” Joshua says, waving his hand so the coffee settles on the table. “I’d hate to do that to him, but you’d give me no choice.”

“You coward,” she spits, acid burning her tongue. “You’d do that to him? What, can’t face the truth? Can’t face his judgement of you?”

It burns. Fire burns in her, eating away at her stomach as the fumes leave her mouth. She’s biting back the flame, for now.

“It’s beyond my control! Give me a chance to explain, please!” His voice cracks, wavers like a pane of glass balanced on its edge.

“Explain what? How you’re lying to us? How you’re trying to manipulate me, so I don’t tattle? How do you explain shooting someone in the face? How do you fucking explain what you’ve done to Neku? What you’re doing,” she flings her arms wide, “to him!”

Reality splinters.

Time tips on its axis. Cracks run through her body, she vibrates a pitch just out of reach, on a different frequency. Static leaks into the air, humid and heavy. She’s frozen, an ancient crumbling statue ready to collapse, unable to hold back the torrent of power coursing through her.

It wants to escape. She gives it a channel.

Mr. Mew launches himself from her purse at Joshua, who scrambles back, collapsing on a chair as he tries to get away from the stuffed cat. Curses fly from his mouth as the echo of light flies from his fingertips, trying to bat the cat away.

All it takes is one hit and Mr. Mew stills, dropping to the floor like his strings were cut. Shiki stares.

She’d done that. She had made Mr. Mew move in the RG. She’d used a Psych.

Joshua is staring at her, she’s staring at the plushie. Her anger stewing in her stomach is stirred by confusion, cooling for a second to digest this.

Joshua stands, inching closer, but not too close. “You’ve still got your power, but don’t worry. You’re firmly RG right now, WildKat is on a thinner part of the boundary between the planes, and nobody in this group of friends has been left untouched by the UG.” Hesitance is scrawled on his face, and his hands bounce, fingers tapping at his leg.

While it helps her to know she hasn’t flipped to the UG, this draws her attention back to him, and she pierces him with an icy glare. “Don’t test your luck by trying to change the subject. Tell me what you’re trying to accomplish. Or I’ll try doing that again.”

“I want to be friends, is that too much to imagine?” he asks.

“After everything you’ve done? Yes! You’re playing at some kind of game here, and I don’t trust it. I don’t trust you.” She steps forward and picks up Mr. Mew, so he doesn’t go flying off again. She’s ready for some retort, some proof, or a laugh.

She doesn’t expect him to go blank. To shut down. He closes his eyes, and they stay closed for a few seconds. Arms go slack, mouth drops into neutrality.

When he opens his eyes, she takes a step back, because they’re dead.

Yuuto is known for his energy, his laugh, the glint of mischief in his eyes. He doesn’t sit still, he can’t. It only happens when he hits a slump.

Joshua very much resembles that rare Yuuto, cold and tired. Dull violet eyes meet hers for one second, before he glances away. HIs voice has slipped into a monotone as he says, “If that is what you believe, then there is no point in me saying anything right now. If you choose to listen to one thing I have said, let it be the fact that if you tell him, he will lose a friend.”

She must blink, because one second he’s there, and the next he’s gone.

Shiki: ^Rhyme listen trust me.^

^I need you to kick Yuuto from the group.^

^He’s trash we don’t need him around but you’re the one with admin powers in the game chat.^

Rhyme: ^Oh did you find out too?^

Shiki: ^Wait what?^

^You actually know?^

Rhyme: ^Of course. If he told you I do, then yeah, I do.^

Shiki: ^And you’re just???? Letting him stick around? You haven’t said anything!?^

Rhyme: ^I’ve always been able to tell.^

^I still have residual instincts from when I was a Noise.^

^I sensed something off about Neku’s second week Partner when I was Noise, and I remembered that. It felt the same around the Composer. And Yuuto. I put it together and he told me what was up.^

^He can’t mention the whys directly, so he dances around the subject until you figure it out. Hints and clues because I don’t think he’s allowed to say it or anything.^

Shiki: ^He’s been lying to us for a year now! And you heard from Neku what he did!^

Rhyme: ^I’ve gotten to watch him as both Yuuto and Joshua for a year now, though.^

^He’s the same person, always. A different face, a different name, but he’s got the same personality. Just, as Josh, he’s more open and honest.^

^I trust him. He’s helped me work through some of the residual Noise stuff, and he wishes he could tell Neku, tell everyone.^

Shiki: ^Then why DOESN’T he? Why not tell us all? He could’ve told me and Beat way earlier!^

Rhyme: ^The more people who know, the more likely someone will slip up and reveal it to Neku.^

^And besides, he plans on telling everyone after he tells Neku. Once he’s allowed, he will. I’ve seen how it’s eating at him, he wants to, but he can’t right now.^

^So no, I won’t remove him from the group. I don’t think he has many people he can befriend, and we’re some of the few he does. I’m not going to take that away from him. Besides, we’d have to explain it to the others, somehow, and I don’t want to reveal the truth and force him away.^

#TWEWY #The World Ends With You #World Ends With You #Subarashiki Kono Sekai #TWEWY Bang 2018 #submission

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itsybitsylemonsqueezy · 4 years ago

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Hey, it’s me again! ^_^ I hope I don’t bother you too much with my requests, but your posts are so cool I just can’t help it. Upon completing Yakuza 4 I’ve had a lot of thoughts and feels about Daigo and how his character was handled across the series. To be honest, at first I didn’t like him much, because he seemed pretty bland (and his screen time leaves much to be desired), but soon enough he’s really grown on me. What is your opinion on him if you don’t mind me asking?

I definitely do not mind requests! Meta is my bread and butter c: I’ve just been busy for a few days, sorry ^^; And... my opinions on Daigo are not going to be as mindblowing or exciting as my opinions on Kiryu, I’ll be real ^^; And there’s a big advantage in Kiryu being the protag, All of the content is about him ^^; I do love Daigo, I think he’s a super interesting character, but his tragedy is just what you pointed out, he’s underutilized. And he isn’t set up very well to have the position he holds.

But, so saying, let’s get into my essay on Daigo ^^;

So, we meet Daigo properly in game 2. There’s little side stories with baby Daigo in Zero which helps build Daigo’s and Kiryu’s relationship and set up for what would later happen, but we don’t really know him until game 2. And game 2 is a LOT about Daigo and his arc and what he’s meant to be! There’s a tumblr text post meme somewhere with a pic of Daigo depressed in his little puffy white coat that says “And I’ll probably become the next chairman of the Tojo Clan. Things like that just happens to guys like me.” and that is totally accurate! Like, it’s a funny thing to complain about, but that’s obviously the struggle Daigo’s having, understanding from a young age that it was obviously his destiny to succeed Sohei, the only problem is uh... well... Kiryu.

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Dojima Sohei never became chairman of the Tojo Clan. And that’s really wild thinking back to Zero and how powerful he was, he was all but a shoo in for chairman. But then, uh... Kiryu. Kiryu happened. Kiryu, and Majima I should say, are the reason Sera becomes chairman, not Sohei. Forever upsetting the wheels of fate. Given where we see Sohei next, I can’t imagine that he ever really recovered from that upset ^^; And I’m SURE it made him bitter towards Kiryu the rest of his life. And considering, again, where we see him next, I think the canon supports this ^^;

So what becomes of Daigo’s destiny then? His father had victory snatched away, destiny denied, and everything he had slowly crumbles over time, leaving his son with less and less to inherit, but still with the ideology that he should take this over. That’s an awkward position to be in.

And then Sera dies. Ooh, golly, I wonder who the next chairman’s gonna- it’s Kiryu. Of course it’s fucking Kiryu, how could it not be? It OBVIOUSLY should be Kiryu. He’s the strongest, the bravest, and who inspires the most loyalty. It doesn’t matter that Kiryu’s never been in leadership before, he TURNS people. Kiryu could get anyone on his side through sheer force of personality, which is hilarious to say about a guy with maybe 3 facial expressions. But tell me I’m wrong. I cannot count the number of part-time antagonists who turned on a dime because Kiryu beat their ass. And anyone who can do that can rule the world. Kiryu was absolutely the best pick for chairman and I will fight the world on this.

(Abbreviated for length, this is a LONG post)

But... then Kiryu makes the stupidest decision of his entire fucking life and renounces the chairmanship. And he has his reasons, feeling unworthy, traumatized from the events of Kiwami 1, unsure if he even wants to stay in the yakuza or if there’s maybe something else he wants to do with his life... he’s going through a lot of intense self-reflection and self-doubt and, I hate to harp on it, but fucking trauma. His brother blew himself up in front of him in a bid for redemption after all but telling Kiryu that all of his mistakes are Kiryu’s fault. Yeah, no, I’m sure Kiryu’s doing FINE with that. So, like, I can see why Kiryu said no, but it was still... fucking nuts. And it irrevocably changed the trajectory of everyone in this universe. Which Kiwami 2 goes out of its way to explore. Kiryu’s leaving? Majima fucking retires, Terada’s suspect, there aren’t any old, loyal hands left to lead the families, and we see how vulnerable the Tojo clan is on every side because Kiryu just up and fucked off.

(I have A LOT of feelings about Kiryu being chairman and someday I will have the strength to write the AU we all deserve where Kiryu stays as chairman)

So... the wheel of fate turns and oh yeah remember Daigo? Dojima Sohei’s son Daigo? The kid who’s been raised his whole life to take over the clan only to be denied at every turn? How’s he doing? Not great! It turns out, not great! Kiryu, his father figure, killed his ACTUAL father, but didn’t really, took the blame for some other weird guy, leaving Daigo with one badass mother and very little direction in life. Daigo’s been brought up thinking he’ll take over a great kingdom but all that’s left now is a broken wreck about to be demolished and picked apart by scavengers. Great, yeah, just what any kid wants to inherit. And he wasn’t trained to fix this, it’s kinda shitty to saddle him with destiny and then not train him for the thing that actually has to be done and then do it anyway. It’s real shitty actually. And not many people help Daigo.

Daigo couldn’t have taken the chairmanship directly from Sera, he was still just a teenager then. But it probably would have been nice if Kiryu checked in with him even fucking once since getting out of jail. But no, we never explain on screen to Daigo what happened as far as I can remember. Which, I feel, is a pretty fucking big oversight. How the fuck is Daigo supposed to trust you Kiryu? Or we’re supposed to believe he just figured it out off screen and holds no grudges? Like, I’m sure knowing Kiryu didn’t kill Sohei helps, but he couldn’t fucking tell you that himself? He couldn’t trust you with that information or that conversation? Fuck this. Very understandably, Daigo has his own crisis of faith about the yakuza, very much in parallel to Kiryu’s. Why the fuck SHOULD he go to bat for a crumbling organization that has only proven itself to be a dog chasing its own tail, willing to devour itself at the slightest provocation? It took his father, both his fathers, and he didn’t really get either of them back. Why the fuck should he try to fix that?

And to its credit, Kiwami 2 does a decent job of articulating Daigo’s motivations there. I could have done with even more, but I think they do him credit in showing him as disenfranchised and lost. And I think it’s refreshing to see someone have to confront the consequences of what’s happened since Kiryu left. Because the games don’t do a good job of showing that this is Kiryu’s direct fault. They never like to make Kiryu’s decisions have consequence, which is poor use of a protag. Rightly or wrongly, their decisions ALWAYS have consequence, or they’re not the protag. You can’t have it both ways. If this person is going to matter then, guess what, their consequences matter. Kiryu turned away. Rightly or wrongly, he did that. Daigo will never get that opportunity. Child of destiny. Not only was he bred and raised for this, he doesn’t know how to do anything else either. He doesn’t have other options the way Kiryu does. And we’re in a terrible vacuum of power. Terada’s namely in charge, but no one’s loyal to him. Even if he wasn’t deliberately fostering this, the Tojo Clan can’t survive without faith in their leader. Daigo, by fact of being his fathers’ son, can bind what’s left. And he has to because Kiryu won’t. Which is... really shitty. So either Daigo does this, or we all hang. And we never quite articulate that this is on Kiryu’s say so. Kiryu could still take over now and fix it he just... won’t.

And on top of this already comfortably stressful situation... we set Daigo up to come into a stable situation of power, where his transition would be smooth. We didn’t give him the tools to know how to salvage. He’s not practiced negotiating with hostile entities or even just people who will resent him because he’s young. And he’s lost a lot of faith, without even charisma and willpower on his side, this is a massively uphill battle. If he doesn’t believe, who else will believe him? Daigo knows this. And we watch that struggle go on, all while Kiryu just cheerleads. He hasn’t decided yet if he’s gonna stay in the yakuza either and he’s lowkey depressed after Kiwami 1. Lowkey he’s just suffering depression and can’t do as much as he normally would. Not an excuse, but I think an important way to read how tired and reluctant he is. Some therapy would really fucking help.

Anyway, we manage to get through Kiwami 2 and install Daigo as chairman, at which point Kiryu fucks off for good. Now, he kinda/sorta leaves some supports for Daigo, in Majima specifically, but also in Kashiwagi and I wanna believe in Daigo’s mom too. She was so cool and then we just... never talked about her again ^^; Laaaame *sigh* So, I guess, Kiryu did try to fulfill his remaining responsibilities as Daigo’s living father, but mostly it was just an excuse for him to leave and not feel guilty. Mostly it was him foisting off his duties onto someone else. He didn’t stay to teach Daigo everything he knew about the people Daigo would have to control. He didn’t teach Daigo and Majima how to talk to each other, a thing which REPEATEDLY comes back to bite us in the ass. He’s not there for Daigo to ask advice and help. Kiryu is full of confidence for Daigo, he’s not TRYING to make him fail, but Kiryu’s so caught up in his own need to leave, he neglects to people who need him.

And Daigo, to his everlasting credit, does his best to get by without Kiryu’s help. As much as possible, he never calls to ask Kiryu for help. And he does grow into a quite competent chairman! He does successfully rehabilitate the Tojo Clan, he makes them profitable again, he insists on respect and people don’t run amok under him. He does it, he salvages a dying organization. And he may not even really believe in it, but he has such a sense of responsibility, he does it anyway. He knows there’s no one else. He knows if he goes to Kiryu and says I don’t want this, Kiryu won’t help him. Kiryu didn’t mean for it to happen this way, he didn’t mean to be selfish and put others in a bad position. But he wasn’t there to listen. And I think Kiryu eventually comes to rue that.

The very unfortunate thing about Kiryu is... he is a dragon. Even though he is kind and generous and not greedy in a conventional sense, he is greedy. As much as Kiryu is a powerhouse because come hell or high water, he does what he thinks is right... this also makes him extremely selfish. He can be blind to other people’s needs and refused to be tied down. Again, for the best of reasons, because he’s trying to raise a family, because this environment is triggering for him, but he just hauls off and does things instead of talking to anyone which... makes him impossible to have a working relationship with. He has to learn to talk and to listen and that he can’t make all of the decisions by himself. The great irony being, Kiryu never wants to, but he doesn’t know how to ask for help. He’s so used to have everything put on him, he doesn’t realize it doesn’t have to be that way... but anyway, I’m getting caught up ^^; The point is, he thinks because he ditched the Tojo Clan they no longer care about him. Which is... naive at best. Of course people still care about you dumbass. Which makes Kiryu a massive vulnerability to the Tojo. In 3 and 4, Daigo makes stupid calls trying to protect Kiryu and trying to protect his interests. And because Kiryu hasn’t left open an avenue for them to talk, Daigo has to make these decisions on his own with bad information and he does his fucking best. But... he doesn’t know how to make the best of what he has, not like Kiryu would, and he fucks up sometimes.

I really, really love game 4 for that reason. Daigo’s fuck up is SO understandable, SO reasonable. It sounded like a good idea, it sounded like peace and harmony. And he was left without a leg to stand on before he knew it. In many ways, it wasn’t his fault. Kiryu himself says as much. And I may never forgive the end of 4 for letting Kiryu REALIZE he defaulted on his responsibilities but then, instead of changing his behavior in any way, he fucks off back to Okinawa. God... *siiiigh* ANYWAY.

And this struggle, this lack of communication, but unstated loyalty, comes full circle in game 5. When Daigo is literally drowning, literally knows he’s going to fail this time and there’s nothing he can do, and even when he’s with Kiryu, he can’t bring himself to ask for help. He knows Kiryu won’t or can’t. Instead he asks for absolution. He tries to tell his dad he’s just been doing his best and... he’s sorry for the terrible things that are about to happen. How gutting that Daigo can only see himself as a failure because... he’s not Kiryu. No one’s Kiryu. Even Kiryu refuses to be Kiryu. But Daigo knows if he was just Kiryu, things would be better. He’s not a legend. He’s not a god. He’s not all-powerful or crazy or impossible. He’s just a guy, doing his best because he had to. Because there was no one else. And some days Daigo does great, but a lot of days, he doesn’t measure up. And that eats at Daigo like mold. Kiryu would NEVER look at Daigo this way. Heck, most people at that point would never compare them. It’s in Daigo’s head, but it still hurts. He’s still, even now, looking up to Kiryu and he’ll just... never quite get there.

This is the only good thing I will ever say about game 6, and it was still 2 or 3 games too late, but Kiryu finally acknowledging Daigo as his son was good. Kiryu saying he was proud and saying he was grateful was good. Again, several games late, but... it still mattered. It still mattered that, in the end, Kiryu recognized his legacy in Daigo. That he understood so much of what Daigo did and does and is and was is for him. That mattered.

Daigo is a great chairman who takes care of his clan. But he was robbed of his relationship with his father. The games never work on the relationships that exist, strong relationships, for reasons I will never understand. Games 3, 4, and 5 would have been SO much more interesting if we had just like Kiryu talk to his fucking friends. Two would have been SO much easier if Kiryu had just been fucking chairman like he was fucking supposed to be and the transition of power to Daigo came later and smoother, with Kiryu helping to make it. Daigo tries his hardest every day and he’s an incredible negotiator and savior after all the shit he’s had to pull the Tojo Clan through, kicking and screaming and fighting to tear itself apart every damn day. The generation above him is all legends, Majima and Saejima and Kiryu. Daigo isn’t one of them. But he’s better because he was here and because he tries and because he succeeds. We need Daigo. We deserve him.

#Dojima Daigo #Yakuza #I don't even know spoilers for... all of the games #Games 2 and 4 especially?#The beginning of 5 #and the end of 6 #I mean... a little #you wouldn't know what happens in 6 if you read this #floweysky

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