#like whenever people discuss their relationship they seem to go for the big guns of ‘HES THE KEEPER OF THE STORY’ and i agree but

[hanzajesthanza]

i agree 110% that dandelion is the storyteller, memory-recorder, history-writer, balladeer, etc. that he is the keeper of geralt’s legend, the representative of the immortalizing quality of a narrative. of course. this is especially true in lady of the lake and in nimue’s time when half a century of poetry has become an academic text.

but to be honest. i care more about dandelion in the fact that. that he’s kind of just geralt’s best friend and they like hanging out

[unboundbnha]

Characters I love and whether or not they’d love me: a sliding scale

From Shinsou, to Kuroo, to Kakashi, to Jason Todd

At the top of the list we have Shinsou Hitoshi. I feel like he and I would bond over loving cats and being sleepy. He’d be mildly frustrated with my lack of motivation, but I feel like he’d be good for me and my neuroses wouldn’t be bad for him. Idk I just feel like we’d work pretty well together 💜 seems pretty calm and methodical. Probably just my headcanon, but I get the vibe he’d be much more interested in sitting down and working out issues with someone he cares about vs his (what I imagine is) his knee-jerk response, ie emotionally withdrawing and shutting down. Communication’s a big thing for me so I think we’d work shit out before it ever got bad, which is awesome.

Next we have Kuroo Tetsuro. He’s pretty goofy and fairly easy-going, and I feel like we’d bond over academic stuff. I get the vibe we’d both encourage each others’ passions well. However, the active thing comes in play here again because I am simply not 🤣 I’m also kind of a slovenly mess just because I don’t have the energy to human a lot of the time, and I feel like Shinsou and I would work better with that. Kuroo gives me “I only need one cup of coffee a day to function” energy and I love that for him but I’d kill him for it 😆 also I feel like he’d be genuinely earnest if there were ever rough patches in the relationship. He’d want to actively work through it. Everything about him screams ‘active’ to me JDHDGGS. A go-getter. I am NOT a go-getter, I am a go-sleeper, but he’d probably be good for me and I work really hard to not hurt the people I care about with my issues, so I’d probably at least not be bad for him. I’m an all-around pretty good emotional support and a good person to go to when you need to chill, so we’d work pretty well together that way.

Next: my BOY, my MAN Kakashi Hatake. Listen. I love him. So so much. But he is like. The KING of discipline. I have the drive of an overcooked spaghetti noodle: there’s NO stiffness to my spine. (To be fair, I’m constantly running on like 8% battery power.) I feel like we’d be good for each others’ mental health though. My guy needs some healthy coping techniques and I need someone who’s marginally less of a disaster than I am. Kakashi gives me ‘runner’ vibes if a conversation’s getting too deeply into his trauma, which isn’t GREAT, but it isn’t explosive anger — something I wouldn’t take at all. We’d def bond over dogs and I’m really good at reading people/picking up on what’s going on in their heads, so I’d probably be a soothing, comforting presence for someone so tormented. I’d also be a STAUNCH supporter of him having a life outside of ninja-ing! I’m a great cheerleader and raging attack dog whenever anyone hurts the people I care about, and Kakashi deserves someone sticking up for him. All of this is great, bbbbbbut my boy’s like a functioning alcoholic (without the alcohol): he’s outwardly okay, but there’s something VERY not-good going on inside (it’s probably gotten better in his later years though!). I’m just an alcoholic ODUIHFSIOUDFK there’s something very wrong and it SHOWS. Maybe we’d both go to ninja therapy. Get some talk-no-jutsu. Probably not, but we both need it. Anyway, we wouldn’t be the worst match, but it’d have the potential for messiness. I’m big on communicating, he gives me runner vibes. He’s been self-motivated and pushed his whole life, I’ve got all the motivation of a melted snowman. We’re both tired and don’t want to put the effort into something if it isn’t working, but I feel like if we cared enough we could make it work. I’d certainly try.

Finally, my bestest babiest boy Jason Todd. Between us? It’d probably be half a nightmare. 😅 he does NOT give me the vibes of someone who wants to discuss his trauma. I don’t like guns. It’s very sexy of him to use them against criminals, but I still don’t like guns. Canonically has rage issues so if we got into a fight and he got explosive I’d end up terrified, and idk if I could come back from that. My boy’s bitter, sarcastic, and caustic, and he has every right to be. His lack of care for his mental health would be detrimental to mine, though, because I hate to see the people I love hurting not being able to help. However, my boy’s got a big heart and he looks out for the little guy. He cares about issues that are near and dear to my heart, and I think he and I would be able to understand each other fairly well. I actually feel like, when things would be good between us, they’d be REALLY smooth. Mans is a feminist of the highest degree. He rails against the systemic injustices that our most vulnerable face. Jason has a TON of good, but he’s also extremely nuanced and very traumatized, and he doesn’t react well to emotional issues. He’d never intentionally scare or hurt me, but he has magic PTSD and a long history of guardians teaching him the EXACT wrong way to deal with emotions, so it’d happen and it’d probably destroy something in him. Make him even more bitter and withdrawn than before. And that would be bad. I could easily see that leading to him self-isolating even more and just...spiraling. I just don’t know if I’d have the emotional capacity to support him how he deserves :\\\\ another not-great thing is that Jason Todd doesn’t put on a persona for the Red Hood. The Red Hood is just Jason with a helmet. He can’t separate those two aspects of his life, so I don’t see any reality where I wouldn’t know his secret identity. However, there’s no way I’d go into vigilantism, which leaves me with really only him to rely on for help (and his family, but even more removed from him because I’d just be the s/o). But if I was familiar with the Red Hood and it leaked that I was seeing him (which could easily happen, since, again, the Red Hood is just Jason with a mask) that’d immediately make me his, and through him the Batfam’s, greatest weakness. For one, since I would have no real support network, I’d be easy pickings of anyone who has a bone to pick with any of the Bats (but esp Jason because of...well, you know. Me dating him and him being him). But mostly...it’d be because their secret identities could be easily made with me. “They’re dating the Red Hood? Well unless they have two boyfriends, that beefy guy with them is probably the Red Hood.” The one good thing here is if he was still legally dead no one could tie Jason Todd to Bruce Wayne and his flock, but it’d be a huge problem anyway. I’d be the biggest crack in their anonymity, because I’d have none. Jason deserves love and gentleness and support and I’m good at all those things. He wouldn’t give me shit about being a disaster because he’s also mentally ill and acknowledges mental illness as a Thing, even if he’s shit at taking his own advice. He’s a good dude with a good heart and a ton of passion, and I love him for who he is I headcanon him to be 😆 but not communicating about his issues or working with someone to get better would be really hard on me. Pushing him about it could lead to explosive defensiveness, which would be hard on us both. Biggest problem would be the secret identity. I’d be the Red Hood’s kryptonite, and he’d never forgive himself for taking a normal life away from me. HDHSHDGDH it’s MESSYYYYY

[andvys]

stubborn love part 8

warnings: angst, violence

pairing: Ellie Williams x reader 

You woke up to the feeling of soft lips against your neck, a hand gripping your waist, sighing at the feeling you turned around, facing Ellie. 

“good morning.” she whispered, smiling at you. 

“morning babe.” you blushed, thinking back to last night, when you realized you were both naked under the blanket.

Ellie chuckled at how flustered you'd gotten, “you are so cute y/n.” she smiled, pulling you into a hug.

“so are you.” you told her, grinning when she started protesting. 

You pressed a kiss on her neck and laid your head on her chest, enjoying the quiet morning with her.

“so who are you patrolling with today?” Ellie asked, slightly worried that you'd have to go on Patrol with Alicia again. 

“group patrol with Joel.” you replied.

“you finally agreed huh?” she chuckled.

Joel always asked you to join him on the group patrols he was doing, he usually took a few people into the small towns near Jackson, keeping eye out for infected or hunters but he would also let the people check out the old stores there and let them take a few things back.

Group patrols weren't really your thing and you didn't feel comfortable enough, going on patrol with people you barely knew but you finally agreed, you couldn't say no to the poor man any longer, plus you trusted him, so at least he was there.

“yeah I couldn't resist his puppy eyes.” you said making Ellie laugh.

“puppy eyes? this man is anything but a puppy.” she chuckled.

“no.. I'm sure he's a puppy, look at him, he looks warm and fluffy.” 

Ellie laughed even more at your words. 

“You wouldn't say that if you knew him before coming to Jackson.” she said, gripping your waist tighter.

“hmm okay whatever you say.” you sighed. “who are you patrolling with?”

“Jesse. it’s just a short route, I’ll be home before you.” 

You chuckled, “oh so you can start cooking dinner.” you teased knowing how much she hated cooking.

“y/n, I don’t want you to die because of my horrible cooking, I can make you a sandwich though.” she laughed, running her fingers through your hair.

“I'll accept the sandwich.” you smiled, kissing her neck, she squeezed your butt in response, earning a slight groan from you.

You looked up at her, noticing the smirk on her face. 

“we still have some time.” she suggested, leaning down to kiss your lips. 

“hmm, let's make the best out of it then.” you winked at her.

She grinned at you before grabbing your face to kiss you.

-

“hi.” you greeted Joel, who was by the gates with his horse.

“mornin’ kid, how’re you doin’?” he asked, smiling at you.

“i’m good, you?” you smiled at him.

“me too, i’m happy you finally agreed to come with us.”

“yeah it was about time.” you chuckled.

“you can bring back a gift for your girlfriend.” he winked at you before getting on his horse when the rest of the group arrived.

You blushed, you and Ellie never really talked about what you were. It was obvious that you were dating, you just never discussed labels.

“yeah.” you laughed before getting on your horse as well.

-

You were riding side by side with Joel, the other three men who were with you, were riding behind you. 

The air was fresh and you enjoyed the smell of fall, the slightly cold weather gave you a comforting feeling. Fall has always been your favorite season. You loved it when the leaves started turning orange and yellow and you could just wear Ellie’s big hoodies and flannels without having to take them off because it was getting too warm, like in the summer. 

“Ellie never shuts up about you, you know?” Joel said, snapping you out of your thoughts.

You looked over at him in surprise, you didn't know that she was talking to Joel about you. 

“don't look so surprised kid.” he chuckled at your facial expression. “she always asked for advice.” 

Furrowing your brows, you asked yourself when she told him about having a crush on you.

“I- since uh when?” you stammered, blushing slightly.

“well she talked about you right from the start.” he said, smiling at you “and you were the only friend of her’s, that she was telling me about.” he pointed out. 

You smiled at that thought, you knew there was a time where she didn't talk much about anything to anyone, so you were surprised to find out that she was talking about you. 

“she loves you y/n, don't ever doubt that. no matter what might've happened between the two of you before that.” he told you, giving you a reassuring smile.

You smiled back at him, appreciating the way he was talking to you. Ellie was basically his daughter, so this conversation could've gone way differently, he could've been stern about it but he was nice and supporting. 

-

Once you'd gotten to the small town, everyone went into opposite directions. This place was relatively safe since groups would come back here all the time to clear off any infected so you didn't have to worry about running into a small herd or anything. 

You've never been here but you knew that Ellie came here with Joel occasionally. She probably got you that flannel from one of the old stores here. You were surprised to see that the houses and stores here weren't as run down like they were in other places.

You walked into a store that seemed to look like an old gaming store or something of that sort, you looked around and saw that most of the shelves were still full. If this was a gun store, you would've never found the shelves being full. 

You looked through the games and found one that Ellie and Jesse have been talking about a few days ago, you put it in your backpack, along with a few comics. 

You kept going through all the other stores, putting some stuff in your backpack that you could find useful later for whenever you had to go out on patrol. 

You heard footsteps behind you when you were about to walk into an old music store, turning around you saw Joel heading your way, some blood splattered on his clothes. You furrowed your brows and looked at him in concern.

“what happened?” you asked, eying the blood.

“a couple of infected made it into one of the old buildings, no big deal.” he told you. “you found anything kid?” he asked.

“I haven't found any infected. no.” you answered, causing him to chuckle.

“I meant, you found anything for yourself?” he smiled.

“oh!” you laughed “yeah, some things for Ellie and uh some knifes?” you chuckled. 

“and here I thought you'd go and find yourself some pretty things.” he chuckled, shaking his head. 

“..well, I get Ellie a bracelet.” you shrugged, feeling a little flustered. 

You've never been in a relationship before so it was new to you to show affection for your girlfriend in front of others.

“that’s nice kid, you should get yourself something too.” he said, squeezing your shoulder before he walked past you. 

“yeah..” 

-

Ellie just got back home from patrol with Jesse and parted ways with him to go home. Right when she was about to get the keys out of her backpack she noticed that her door was open. 

Furrowing her brows, she looked around in confusion, she could've sworn that she closed it when she left this morning and she knew you weren't back yet and even if you would've never left the door open.

Pushing it open slowly, she wasn't expecting someone to stand there. Especially not her.

“what the hell are you doing here?!” she grumbled, throwing the door open, she walked inside. 

Alicia turned around and chuckled, holding Ellie’s journal in her right hand while her left hand held a polaroid picture of you.

“I love her so much, no wait, I am in love with her. she is the most beautiful girl that I’ve ever seen in my life, she’s like the sunshine after the rain, anytime I'm with her, I forget about every worry that I have. I wish I could just tell her how much I love her.” Alicia read from Ellie’s diary. “blah blah blah.” 

“You really are pathetic Ellie. You loved her so much and yet you were with other’s all the time, that doesn't seem like love to me.” she said, glaring at Ellie. “you don't deserve her.” 

Anger poured through Ellie at her sight of her and her words. “and you deserve her?” she scoffed.

“yeah, I’d be much better for her. I could actually treat her right.” she shrugged, smirking at Ellie. 

“yeah right, you fucking crazy bitch could treat her right?” Ellie laughed, causing Alicia to clench her jaw at her words.

“you are so fucking stupid, you don't even get that she never liked you do you? As I have told you before, you were a distraction and now you won’t even get the hint that she wants nothing to do with you.” Ellie said, shaking her head.

“shut up.” Alicia mumbled, gripping the journal tightly in her hand.

“she loves me and if you think that she would leave me for you then you're even dumber than I thought.” Ellie told her as she was feeling the anger building up in her. 

“she doesn’t have to leave you if you're gonna be dead.” Alicia said through gritted teeth, throwing the journal on the table next to her, she pulled a knife out of her pocket.

Ellie looked at her in disbelief, was she really gonna kill her and think that you would date her after killing Ellie?

-

“You and Ellie should come over for dinner this weekend.” Joel said, smiling at you. 

“that would be nice!” you smiled up at him “I could attempt to bake something.” you suggested, scrunching up your face, when you thought about the first time you tried baking and almost burned down the kitchen.

Joel chuckled and patted your shoulder “don't worry about it, I remember the story about the cake.” 

“don’t reming me, that’s kinda embarrassing.” you laughed. “but hey, I can still try, you’re never supposed to give up right?” 

“that’s right, kid.” he smiled at you “alright, well you and Ellie have a nice night yeah?” he said, pulling you into a hug. 

“you too Joel.” you smiled, hugging him back before you pulled away and went over to Ellie’s house.

As you came closer, you heard the sound of glass smashing, startled you ran towards the door, noticing that it was wide open. 

You ran inside, finding Alicia choking Ellie on the floor, both were covered in blood, the room was a mess, broken glass was laying on the floor, along with a broken table. 

Alicia was about pick up a piece of broken glass, presumably to try and kill Ellie but you ran over to her and send a hard kick to her face, knocking her off. Ellie gasped out for air weakly, you pulled her up into a sitting position, noticing all the blood that was running down her cheek from a cut, she looked like she was beginning to fall unconscious.

You turned around quickly when Ellie looked behind you, barely keeping her eyes open, to see Alicia getting up with an angry expression on her face. “y/n..” she mumbled.

Rage filled you at the thought that she tried to kill Ellie, you got up and pulled your backpack off throwing it to the side. 

Alicia looked at you, “you have to understand y/n-

“shut up!” you yelled at her, as you pulled your gun out of your holster and pointed it at her, causing her to gasp at your action, clearly not expecting it. 

She looked like a mad woman, with her long hair in front of her face, blood dripping down from her nose, she looked way worse than Ellie but it didn't matter, she almost killed her.

“you don’t get to come here and touch what’s mine.” you grunted at her, as you put your finger on the trigger.

She clenched her jaw at your words and put her hands into fists “you never gonna love me will you?” 

“you expect me to love you? especially after this?” you scoffed at her, shaking your head.

She let out a grunt before she emerged towards you, startling you. You pulled the trigger, the shot went off but she managed to push your hand away at the last second, dodging the bullet that went straight into the wall. 

She smashed the gun out of your hand and grabbed your shoulders, throwing you against the wall. 

Right when she was about to punch you in the face, you dodged her fist and threw a punch at her instead making her stumble back in pain, you grabbed the glass that was standing on the kitchen counter and smashed it against her face, breaking it in the process. She let out a yelp and touched her face, grunting at the pain. You could feel the broken glass, piercing your skin open but you didn’t care at the moment. 

You started running towards your gun but she recovered already and grabbed your hair, pulling you back, before you could react, she threw a punch at your face and let you fall to the ground. 

“..fuck.” you muttered, crawling away as you saw her walking towards you, you quickly turned around and started to get up but she grabbed you from behind and threw you against the dresser, you tried to catch yourself but it was too late, your head smashed against it, you didn't even register the pain at first but then you felt warm blood running down your face, you could hear a loud ringing in your ears and you began feeling lightheaded, you fell to the side as your vision began to blur. 

You could hear footsteps coming closer to you, you tried to keep your eyes open and to move but you were unable to do anything. 

“this is all your fault y/n.” 

her voice sounded so close and yet so far away as you started to black out. 

the last thing that you heard was a gunshot before you fell unconscious. 

[fnf-amateur-writing]

Hello! Can I request a scenario where l Updike with an s/o who got kidnapped and now he has to go save them- if u feel uncomfortable with that you can just do general relationship headcanons for him!

Hey there, Anon. I'm cool with your prompt, no worries!

TW: Kidnapping and violence.

Updike finding out S/O was kidnapped

Everything was rather dull at work. Sure, dealing with anomalies can be cool, but it wears on Updike after a while. Everyday was starting to become nothing more than paperwork, keeping tabs on the freely roaming safer anomalies, and trying and failing to kill Whitmore. Fortunately, his lunch break finally started after a long and boring morning.

Once he readjusted his tie and tucked away his trusty gun in his pocket, he went on a near daily walk to a local cafe. To be honest, it wasn't all that boring, since he now got to be with you during his lunch breaks. About a month ago, you two found out that you took your breaks at the same time. The cafe was also conveniently in between your workplaces, allowing you to walk an equal distance.

Without any incidents or that pestering metal head, Updike made his last turn, with the cafe now being just two buildings down. Strangely, the police were also two buildings down, talking to an employee that Updike recognised in front of the prematurely closed cafe. Avoiding involvement, Updike quickly turned around, waiting until he out of sight of them before checking his phone. You were always there first, so you probably texted him a heads up, but his phone showed no new messages.

It was pretty annoying, but no big deal. He'll just go somewhere else, and maybe you'll be there too if he's lucky.

~~~

The phone next to him rings, whilst Updike sat alone in his office, showing the front desk receptionist's name. That was rather unusual; that number almost never calls him directly, so it was probably important enough to be an exception. "Updike speaking," he spoke in his monotone voice, which was in a tone that easily showed how he says that a dozen times a day.

"Mr. Updike, the police are requesting your presence outside."

Okay, now that was very unusual. Not that the police are here, they show up all the time whenever a case involves an anomaly. But for them to make him go outside, when they usually go up to see him or a collegue, was odd. And he had a clean record too, so it's not like they were going to arrest him.

"I'll be right there," he said. He felt somewhat stressed from the sudden request, so he went a faster pace to the lift--to which he almost pressed the wrong button. He and a cop quickly made eye contact the moment the lift opened, and he followed the man as he beckoned him outside.

"Now, I know you're busy, so I'll get right to the point," the officer says, pulling a phone from his pocket. "Do you recognise this phone and the owner of it?" Updike wish he could say no, but he couldn't; it was clearly your phone, except it now has a large crack on the screen. "Yes, it belongs to my partner. Their name is (Y/N) (L/N)." As clear as he made those sentences, his throat was sore from the dread.

"Sir, are you aware that they've been kidnapped."

... No.

~~~

Looking back at it, he wasn't sure how he kept calm the whole time as the police explained what had happened. Some man had taken you right in front of the cafe. It happened so quickly, that the witnesses didn't seem to notice anything wrong until it was too late. They contacted him when told by employees that he always sat at the same table as you.

As he rushed home, he didn't quite know what he felt. It was a mixture of sadness, anger, stress, and whatever the hell else that couldn't be named that made his hair grey. But he wasn't going home just to wait in misery until the police did something; he was going to look for some clues, as recommended by the authorities. He wasn't aware of any troubles you may have wih your family and friends, but he was informed that most kidnappings are done by people the victim knows, so he had to snoop around your stuff to see if he could find anything to report.

However, he almost slammed himself into his own front door when something else caught his attention: a plain white envelope taped to the door. There was no markings or writing on the outside, Updike noted as he took it for inspection, but he could tell it had a letter in it. Surely, it couldn't be a coincidence this showed up the same day you were taken.

As he went inside, closing the door behind him, he didn't take another step away from the door before tearing the letter open. Within the envelope was a typed letter, which had a clear message despite never mentioning you or Updike by name. Also made clear was that this was nobody you knew, nor was it an anomaly trying to spite him, but rather a particularly greedy criminal who took notice of who you were with.

The letter demanded an absurd amount of cash to be hand delivered, an amount that clearly overestimated even his own wealth. And if he brought anyone with him or brought a weapon, then you would be shot on the spot. Finally, he had until midnight to do so, too, adding onto the stress.

The stress started to become a bit much as his hair grew darker. He had no way of knowing whether the bastard was bluffing, but it wasn't worth trying to find out. But still, there didn't seem to be a good way out anyways. It felt like he was about to snap, feeling some sparks from his head and... a spark of an idea.

He went up a flight of stairs to a closet within the hallway. There wasn't anything remarkable about it's contents, but he took interest on one side, where some suitcases of his were stored. Only one of these was useful right now: a sleek metal suitcase he can't remember even using, but he remembered it being there. After grabbing the case, he ran back downstairs while neglecting to close the closet door.

Now, he wasn't going to place any money in it. No, nothing would be in it. But he had an idea, because maybe the guy didn't quite know who they decided to mess with.

~~~

Updike parked his car on the side of the road, getting out in the abandoned yet familiar area. It was a small part of the outskirts of the city that eventually lost it's population and was left to rot, which amazed him that it hasn't been torn down yet. The only people who regularly come here are the homeless and obnoxious teenagers with cameras who pretend that one of the buildings are haunted for internet clout. However, he does remember coming here too a long time ago to hunt down Whitmore a couple times.

The meeting place was a short walk away, having used to be a local library. The evening sky was getting darker by the minute, and the sun was near set behind Updike as he looked into the old library. As dark as it was, a light was barely visible from the entrance, partially blocked by empty bookshelves. With the case in hand, he walked through the shattered glass double doors and in between two of the shelves.

"I'm here."

The light across the library shifted and footsteps approached. The man looked as dodgy as he expected, except with a bit of a 1950's greaser look to him, and the gun the man held never pointed to anything but Updike. He placed the lantern onto the shelve and approached, saying "hand it over." Definitely not a negotiating type.

Time passed too slow, yet also too fast. Though he normally used his head, Updike had to channel what was within him elsewhere or else the man would shoot him seeing the thunder from his head. Hard, sure, but dong it for you was a pretty good motivator.

In three, two...

As soon as both hands were on the case's handle, Updike managed to give a hard zap through his hand. The case's material made it guaranteed it would shock him, and shock him very badly. He shouted at the sensation comparable to that of a taser, unable to pull the trigger before collapsing. Updike wasn't sure if he was conscious, but it didn't matter since he was already slamming the case into his face. Giving a man a free nose bleed such as this one was usually seen as too barbaric for Updike's taste, but damn it was satisfying.

He took the man's gun and briefly searched his pockets for anything else he might use as a weapon. He pocketed the lighter for the box of cigarettes he carried, since he might wake up and pull a fast one by burning the place down. And then there was a key, and not a usual key one would think of. In fact, Updike knew from the shape that it was meant to unlock a pair of handcuffs. It may be best if he took that as well.

"(Y/N)!" he called out, "are you there?" He made his way to the back, peeking into some rooms as he passed. He heard some sounds coming from nearby, causing him to peek through the old bathroom door. There you were, gagged with a cloth and both hands cuffed to a pipe beneath a sink. You were trying to say something, so he quickly worked the cloth off your mouth and let it fall under your chin. Upon closer inspection he now saw how disheveled you looked and that one of your eyes was black and swollen.

"G-GABRIEL!" you finally managed to scream before coughing from finally having your mouth to breathe through. "I thought you- I thought..." He hushed you before using the key he found on your cuffs, allowing you give him a much needed embrace. "Shhh, it's okay," he said as you cried, "I've dealt with him."

"Now," he picks you off the ground and carries you away from the dreaded building, "let's go. I have an interesting story for the cops."

Now for a surprise bonus ;)

Aftermath headcanons:

Unsurprisingly, you both took off work for a while.

Regardless of how well you can handle trauma, Updike WILL take you to a therapist. He's already got one booked, so you don't have a choice really.

For the first time in the relationship, Updike has been the one to initiate cuddles. He's also just as paranoid as you are, and has become somewhat clingy as a result.

When it was nearing the day you two would return to work, you discussed plans on preventing another incident. Though it may seem a bit far, you agreed on wearing a small tracking device clipped to your clothes until the fear wore off.

The forced therapy sessions did come with benefits for the future. When you eventually had to testify against your kidnapper in court, you felt more confident in your words and managed to tell them everything without a breakdown.

The man didn't stand a chance and earned himself several years in prison.

Finally, once you felt everything was behind you, you walked together to the cafe again. It was a nice cafe and it would be a shame if they stopped visiting.

Some of the regulars and employees recognised you two, and welcomed you back. And as you two sat in your usual spots with drinks on the house, you could finally say it was a pretty nice day with nothing to worry about.

[storiesforallfandoms]

like i’m gonna lose you ~ machine gun kelly

part one

word count: 2276

request?: kind of?

description: after a painful reconnection, he decides to prove to her that he will do anything to get her back

pairing: machine gun kelly x female!reader

warnings: swearing

based (partially) on this song

masterlist

As he promised, the news of Colson and Megan’s “breakup” came a few days after our discussion. The news broke first on an few online tabloids, then Colson took to his social media to “confirm the rumors”.

“We’re just not right for one another,” he wrote in his post. “I still love Megan as a friend, and we’re going to stay in each other’s life. We both want our privacy during this time.”

Strangely enough, the conversation we had plus the actual confirmation that the fake relationship was over gave me a better sense of closure than our actual breakup had. I knew why Colson had ended things, and I knew that what he had with Megan wasn’t real and that it was over for good now. It was better than thinking he had suddenly stopped loving me after all those years.

Even with that closure, though, I stayed true to my word. Colson unblocked me and re-followed me on all his social media, and let me know he had unblocked my number from his phone by sending me a text. But I wouldn’t budge on trying to get back together with him. With the closure I had, I was starting to feel like I could move on from our breakup and be somewhat happy again.

It was hard to completely move on, though, when Colson was still trying to reach out to me constantly. He respected my boundaries and would stop whenever I asked him to, but it also didn’t take too long before he would message me again. Part of me wanted to block him back - it would’ve been beyond satisfying to reverse the roles on him and leave him blocked and heartbroken without explanation. But I was also enjoying getting to talk to him again, even if I knew it would lead to more heartbreak eventually.

The day I arrived home from work to find him sat on my doorstep, I felt something snap inside of me. The built up anger and sadness from the past year was finally bubbling over, and I had the exact person who had caused it all sat on my doorstep.

I got out of my car and slammed the door so hard I was shocked the windows didn’t shatter. “Colson, you can’t just fucking show up on my doorstep unannounced. This is borderline stalking now.”

“I want to talk like adults but you just keep brushing me off,” he retorted. “What else am I supposed to do?”

“Respect my fucking boundaries maybe? Realize that if I’m telling you that I don’t want to talk to you or see you that I actually fucking mean it?”

He stood from the doorstep and shoved his hands in his pocket. “I know that you mean it.”

I glared at him as I tried to shove past him to get through my door. He moved to stand in my way again, which just made me feel even more angry.

“If you know that I mean it,” I hissed, “then leave me the fuck alone Colson. You’ve hurt me enough, I don’t want to see you anymore.”

“I know I hurt you,” he said. “And I know that there’s nothing I can do to fix that, but please, let me try at least.”

“You did try, and I turned you down, remember? Now fuck off.”

I managed to push him out of my way in order to get into the house. He stood on my doorstep watching me for some time, and I knew that meant he wasn’t going away. No matter how hard I wanted to let him go, I knew my heart wasn’t going to let me. I sighed heavily and turned to face him.

“This is your last chance,” I told him. “You can come in and we can talk like adults, but just know that whatever decision I make after this is my final decision. No more of this harassing me and showing up on my doorstep. If I tell you to leave and you show up again I will call the cops on you, and I have a feeling that’s the last thing your manager wants.”

Colson nodded and followed me into my house.

I watched as he looked around, taking in the familiar place that he once called a second home. Very little had changed since we broke up, except for the fact that I got rid of all the pictures I had of the two of us. I was sure he had noticed that.

“Your place was always so much cozier than mine,” he commented.

“It’s cause it’s smaller,” I told him. “Your place is good for all the people you have over, but when it’s just you and Casie it’s far too big.”

“It is,” he agreed. “I would prefer to live in a place like this.”

“You could’ve,” I found myself muttering. Unfortunately, I said it a little too loud and Colson caught the comment. His face changed then, a sad wave washing over him.

“I should’ve,” he said. “God, I’m a fucking idiot.”

“We’ve been over that.”

He followed me to the kitchen and sat down at my table. Despite it only being early evening, I decided this moment called for a glass of wine. I poured myself one, and decided to mix Colson a drink with the liquor I knew he liked most.

“Saying I didn’t mean to hurt you is the stupidest thing ever,” he said after taking a giant gulp from the glass. “Of course I was going to hurt you. I broke up with you out of nowhere and then just ghosted you for a year. I guess...I thought that would be easier. I didn’t want you to think I didn’t love you enough to fight for you over my career.”

“I’m glad you realize how shitty and stupid that idea you had was. I wish you would’ve told me from the start what the plan was. I wouldn’t have been as hurt if you had.”

“I know...I know.”

I took a sip of my wine and immediately wished it was something stronger, something that would get me fucked up within minutes of drinking it.

I was mentally kicking myself for letting him back in again. That time at the coffee shop hurt enough and that was an accidental encounter we had. But to actually bring him into my home when I was finally starting to move on? I must really like to be hurt, because it seemed as though I was constantly trying to hurt myself lately.

“What would you have said if I had told you?” he asked. “Truthfully.”

I took a moment to think the situation over, to try and decide how I would’ve reacted if he had told me from the beginning instead of just breaking my heart.

“I still would’ve been hurt,” I admitted. “Not by you but by your manager. He knew about us, and even though we never went public with the relationship, my friends and family know. It wouldn’t exactly have been as easy to explain the whole publicity stunt relationship thing to any of them. I’d probably try to come up with a better solution, and if that didn’t work then...I’d just have to accept it.”

“Would you have stayed with me?”

I was shocked by his question. “Of course I would’ve. Everything between you and Megan was fake, there were no real feelings. Sure, seeing the pictures and everything would’ve hurt, but at the end of the day it would be me you were holding and kissing and actually loving. I probably could’ve been friends with Megan instead of hating her guts.”

Colson looked down at his glass, which was now almost empty. “I thought you would’ve broken up with me if I told you the truth.”

“You don’t know me that well, obviously,” I said. “Colson, there were ways around this. You didn’t have to break my heart.”

I could see that his eyes were starting to become more wet with tears. He was trying to hide them, but once his eyes starting welling up, his nose and his cheeks became flush and I could see his Adam’s apple bobbing as he tried to swallow his tears.

“I fucking hate him, man,” he finally said, his voice cracking slightly. “He’s supposed to help me with my career, not put my career first over my own life and my happiness. And I hate myself too for thinking the best way to deal with this was to break up with you completely.”

I sat back in my chair, unsure of what to do. I wanted to comfort him, of course, but I didn’t want him to think that crying was going to get him off the hook. I was glad he was feeling my pain, but fuck did I ever hate to see Colson cry.

“I hated you, too,” I admitted. “I slandered your name to anyone who would listen. Eventually my friends got sick of hearing the name Colson Baker come out of my mouth, but they all knew how hurt I was.”

“Do you still hate me?”

I shook my head. “No. I never truly hated you. I just wanted to hate you, because hating you was easier than still being in love with you and watching you fall in love with someone else.”

He started to reach for my hands, but pulled away just as quickly. He sat back in his own chair, putting as much space between the two of us as possible. “There could never be anyone else. You’re my one and only, (Y/N), you always have been.”

I let the silence wash over the two of us. I wanted to let his words hang over us, to try and digest them and decide how I felt in that moment.

“I had a dream while you were on tour,” I said after a moment. “Well, a nightmare really. We had fallen asleep watching TV on the couch, and when I woke up I couldn’t find you. You weren’t in the house, you weren’t answering your phone, none of your friends or Casie knew where you were. I began to panic. I went driving and drove the entirety of Cleveland looking for you, but I couldn’t find you. Around the end of the dream, I was screaming your name and I could hear you calling back to me, but the more I ran to find you the further away you got. I eventually woke up drenched in sweat and crying because I thought it was real.”

“That was the night you called me,” he said. “I remember I was having a bad night mentally and all I wanted was to have you on the tour bus with me, in my arms. Then you called, and I thought it was like...a sign or something. Something good.”

I couldn’t help but smile at this. “I never told you because I thought it was a stupid nightmare, and I didn’t wanna be one of those girlfriends that calls in need of constant reassurance about their relationship.”

“I would’ve reassured you no matter how many times you called me.”

I looked down at my own glass, nearly empty as well.

“Can we ever go back from this?” Colson asked. “Can we try to start over after what happened?”

“How do you start over after spending five years with someone?” I asked. “We were basically married, how do you just go back to square one after that?”

“Well...you try and gain that trust back, then you try and get things back to how they were before,” he explained. “I don’t expect it to happen overnight, but I can’t be without you anymore (Y/N). It’s driving me crazy, you drive me crazy.”

I felt tears stinging my eyes, and I realized in that moment that Colson was now freely crying in front of me. God, we were both just messes. I wished none of this had ever happened.

“You really hurt me,” I said, my voice just barley a whisper.

“I know,” he said. “I know I did. I don’t expect you to ever forget that. I don’t deserve to be forgiven, I know that.”

“I’ll never forget it,” I confirmed. “But knowing the reasoning makes it easier to forgive.”

When he reached for my hand this time, I met him halfway.

“It won’t be easy,” I told him. “You know that, right? I’m not going to come running into your arms again after a few nights. You have to work for this, Colson.”

“I know,” he repeated. “I’ll do anything, (Y/N).”

Despite my better judgement, I sat forward and looked into his eyes. God, I loved those beautiful blue eyes more than anything in this world.

“You can start by kissing me.”

He nearly jumped over the table at this. He took my face in his hands and pressed my lips against his. I had missed this feeling so much; the pure passion that came with every kiss. I put a hand behind his neck to keep him close. I never wanted to let go ever again.

He pulled away first and rested his forehead against mine. “I’m so sorry, (Y/N).”

“I don’t want to hear those words out of your mouth ever again,” I told him. “We’re forgetting this, remember?”

He smiled. “Okay, then how about these words: I love you.”

I couldn’t help but smile back. The magic words I had longed to hear for so long, they sounded so right coming from his lips. “I love you, too.”

[justagirlsearchingforamuse]

Hot Take: Racist characters redemption arc’s should be done with a lot of thought put into it and characters who are victims of the racism shouldn’t have to interact or be forced to make amends with those who were racist to them. Yes I am talking about Gavin Reed. He is shown to be in game an asshole who hates androids greatly, pulling a gun repeatedly on Connor and wanting to hurt or shoot Connor every chance he got. Their relationship no matter how much you kiss Gavin’s ass and play obedient little android he still hates you and though he refers to Connor as “he” he is still racist to him and goes out of his way to humiliate him. Make him his slave and try to push his power around him, he tries to repeatedly hurt Hank by bringing up his alcohol addiction and things in his life. He doesn’t give a shit about no one but himself and his little friends who entertain his racism. I have no problem with his character besides he adds to the world and if anything shows me not all android haters/racists are going to immediately change upon androids being seen as peaceful. His character plays a great antagonistic role and it suits him best, now I’m fine if you want him to be redeemed but just don’t have it where he still remains in positions of power over Connor and RK900, where he calls them “tin can” where he is an asshole to RK900 trying to fucking be racist to him. Racist characters should always want to redeem themselves rather than have a reason to be redeemed. Hank for example seems to have wanted the world to show him a hopeful world, a world that could be different and brighter and Connor if I’m being honest plays a big role in whether his racism towards androids change. But if you play a violent route where Connor remains a machine, he is seemingly trying to grow out of his ways but Connor only reassures and confirms his racism towards androids. Now, one problem I see when you guys redeem Gavin Reed and believe he’s not too far gone is that you guys fail to acknowledge how androids he was racist to would feel, how he made them feel, how most of the time he never considers apologizing. His redemption is always taken into account and those he hurt is never if Connor is taken into account, he makes up with Gavin or something because of said sad backstory. Whenever a discussion is made about Gavin’s racism it’s always about making him look better rather than him taking some accountability for his actions and his racist ass ways. Hank repeatedly even if you are not friendly with him acknowledges how his racist ways were wrong and how humans are seemingly the ones in the wrong, he’s open to change and he’s been looking for something to change. Connor helps with his change but is never the direct cause of his change, I believe in the machine’ Connor route that Hank despite how much he hated Connor was beginning to believe that androids weren’t as bad as he thought. He only reinforced the ideas in his head and thus he quits being a cop and falls deeply into depression. Hank has always been open to change his racist ideals whilst Gavin’s hatred towards androids remains until the bitter end, no matter if you are peaceful or whether you are violent. Gavin is shown to never be open to changing himself or even acknowledges how he treats Connor, he acts like an asshole towards the bitter bitter end and I wish more people would see that. Not to mention, the humans are always taken into account but what about the racist humans who have murdered androids, have hurt androids, abused them, raped them, etc? You get mad at North for wanting her oppressors to reap what they sow but we see the humans kill millions of androids without much of a thought, hell I believe North was taken advantage of when she turned deviant and the humans are shown to not care until public opinion changes about them. Gavin is apart of that group and nothing convinces me that he would change. If you really need to redeem Gavin consider those he hurt and keep him away from them or show the fucking impact of his racist ways and shitty behavior. Stop excusing or romanticizing his shitty behavior so he can screw Connor or RK900 or whoever the fuck, his behavior is shitty and needs to be seen as such. Hank’s behavior is shitty and how he treats Connor in the beginning is shitty but he grew from that behavior when Connor constantly defies him or makes him acknowledge his shitty behavior and racist treatment towards him and androids. Stop making racist characters who don’t have redemption arcs or die to have redemption arcs (*cough* merle from twd) especially when most of the time you never consider how their racism and their hatred towards these androids may hurt them. Also, it’s not that there aren’t enough interesting characters, you just want to ship a white guy with another white guy, just say that. Markus, North, Josh, and so many other characters are ignored in favor of Hank, Connor, Gavin, and mostly white characters. In a way the fans ignore poc to cater and fawn over some white characters especially ones who are supposed racist and say they want a blank slate or that no one else is interesting. How is Gavin interesting? Is it the shitty behavior? The fact he so badly wants to put a bullet in Connor’s head? Or is it the fact that he was willing to kill Connor if you failed the QTE’s in their fight? All I am saying is please care about how he made Connor and even RK900 feel about his shitty behavior and treatment along with his racist ways that the fandom fixes with “love”.

[mindofharry]

Motion sickness G.D

chapter 2.

in which julie realises she’s only with gray because of their kids.

chapter 1 is linked here !! angst, cheating, swearing! feedback is welcome <3

tw: TW: some of the stuff mentioned in this series might trigger some people. please don’t read if you get triggered easily!

the first time grayson slept with olivia, he felt immense guilt. This feeling that just stayed in his stomach for weeks. He felt sick everytime he looked at julie - even hearing her breathe next to him at night made him feel sick. Grayson had never felt so bad about himself in ages. He was throwing himself a pity party, and that alone nearly cost him his marriage. Grayson just wasn’t there. but with olivia he felt okay again, he felt alive, he felt young and loved. olivia was like his drug, he couldn’t get enough and he wouldn’t ever stop.

during those times, when grayson was out and about acting like he didn’t have two young boys at his home, julie feel in the comfort of ethan, graysons twin brother. ethan was just always there, always ready to bed the father the boys had lost.

“ethans not their dad, julie!” grayson yelled his face red, julie wiped a tear falling down her brown skin “he’s more of a father than you’ll ever be” she yelled right back, walking out of sitting room.

that had broke grayson. Every bit of guilt he felt vanished, almost instantly. He said he was off for a walk - but he went to fuck his business partner instead.

from then on he focussed on olivia, and his relationship with her. He forgot about parties, for example alexander second birthday. which really had julie wondering, where his priorities lied. Grayson always said the highlight of his day, his picking up sebastian from school and letting him pick out some junk food on a friday. they would head home and all as a family cuddle on the couch and watch a movie together. Gray hasn’t done that in a while, it’s just been julie, sometimes ethan. and most times, julie can’t stomach it. She feels physically sick, thinking of the times they used to have. How grayson is now doing all of that, with his his new girl. with her.

julie had known for a long time, he was with someone else - grayson was her bestfriend, before anything else. they went to high school together, after school activities, wrecked havoc in the town they both grew up in. Julie knew immediately when grayson started seeing someone else. He didn’t kiss her goodnight, didn’t pull her legs onto his lap, he didn’t offer to watch one of their comfort movies. She could smell the girls perfume, and see the hickies forming on his neck. Julie denied everything, call her naive, but in order to move on and be the best mother possible for her boys, she just had to deny, deny, deny.

“you’re getting a divorce”

julie sighed, tears still rolling down her face. “yeah. i guess” she mumbled looking down at her hands. ethan sighed bringing his hand up to her face. “you can all stay here, with me. it’s too big for one person anyways” he smiled kissing her forehead, in a friendly way. “i need to talk to him first, see where his heads at. i think we’re on the same page, at least i hope” julie grumbled the last part. If he was cheating, which she was complete sure he was, this would be an easy divorce. no mess. of course the kids will want to be around him, but she didn’t mind discussing that with grayson either.

“i just have a feeling it’s not going to go the way i see it in my head” julie sighed taking a sip from the wine - it was much needed, she decided. ethans eyes brown furrow in confusion “what do you mean?” he asked his hand resting on her knee. “i know he’s cheating on me, i know it. But i have feeling he’s going to fight me on this for a long time.” she confessed a finger going around the edge of the wine glass. “he’s selfish like that. i mean i tried to do couples councilling, could always throw that back at him” julie giggled to herself, remembering it. “fuck, that was bad wasn’t it?” ethan said giggling too.

julie nodded shaking her head, remembering probably one of the worst day of her life.

“i don’t even know why we’re here. our marriage is perfectly fine” grayson groaned to the therapist. julie just rolled her eyes settling into couch. “well you’re wife doesn’t seem to think so, so let’s have a chat” the therapist said sighing a little. Julie couldn’t help but feel bad for their therapist, mrs brown. She had better things to me doing - no matter how many times she encouraged julie to come, and told her this is what she does, she likes to help. julie still couldn’t bring herself to say the words “i need help. i am stuck. i need to leave” it was like something stopped her, like whenever she reached out for help, it was like someone had a gun against her head. marriage councilling was the best she was going to get - and mrs brown was glad she came along, for at least one session.

“i’m going to ask you a series of questions, and please answer them as honestly as you can. this is a safe place, whatever is said in here, stays in here” mrs brown said putting a leg over the other. julie picked at her skinny jeans, nervously. she missed her kids, she thought. does grayson miss them too? he hasn’t seen them in 3 days she thought. too busy apparently.

“julie, what are you thinking about right now?”

the question caught her off guard. she didn’t want to admit what she was thinking about - she could feel the guilt creep up on her, for the 100th time today. “i’m thinking about my kids” she halflied, smiling to herself. her two tanned, curly headed beautiful boys came to mind when she spoke. god, she just wanted a cuddle off of them both right now - it’s better than a whole bottle of wine and a raging headache, she thought.

mrs brown nodded “there’s more, go on” she pushed nodding her head and giving julie a reassuring smile.

“i was wondering if grayson missed them to. as much as i do. even though it’s only been an hour” she mumbled scared to look up at meet his eyes. grayson sighed wiping a hand down his face “of course i miss them. they’re my kids” he said his hands resting on his knees.

“you haven’t see them in three days”

“i’ve been busy” grayson grumbled, making you laugh out loud, mrs brown looked back to you raising an eyebrow. “going to parties and forgetting your son because you were hungover, is not busy. it’s utterly pathetic, grayson” you say crossing your arms over your chest.

grayson closed his eyes, not saying anything in response. your therapist threw a few other questions about, before calling it a day. “come back same time, thursday, i’ll have an exercise prepared for you then” she said smiling shaking both of your hands.

“god, you embarrass me something, julie. marriage councilling? fuck off” he nearly yelled in the parking lot, speed walking off of his car. grayson angrily pulled open his car door, and then slamming it shut. all julie did, was give him the middle finger and then sob in her car for half an hour.

“that was a mess and half” julie mumbled coming back to reality. ethan nodded in agreement “i’d never seen him so angry. probably because he knew you guys needed it. his pride got in the way.” ethan said not even feeling bad for his brother. He had lost respect for grayson way back, but he lost interest in whatever shit he was pulling, the first time julie broke down in front of him. julie was his sister, not by blood, but that didn’t matter to him. julie was his sister, and he’d do anything to keep her safe and away from bad.

he just didn’t think the bad would be his brother.

“mama”

there talk was interrupted by a soft voice, usually it was alexander wanting to stay and cuddle with his mama, but no, sebastian was here. and julie could tell he really needed a kiss and a cuddle.

“don’t cry mama, i’m here for you” sebastian said wiping his mother’s left over tears, and kissing both of her cheeks. that just made julie want to cry even more. “mama loves you so much, seb” she paused “wanna watch some, movies with uncle e and i?”she finished with a grin and sebastian nodded climbing onto his mother’s lap.

ethan couldn’t help but smile kissing sebastians head. Ethan turned on the movie his hand still on julie’s knee. she looked over at him, her head resting on sebastians.

“thank you, e” she whispered placing a hand on his. ethan shook his head smiling softly.

“anything for you, jules”

[one-shot-plus-size]

You save

My imagination can run wild sometimes, especially on days when I'm bored with work

- What's he doing here? - Frank snarled.

- He needs your help - Karen breathed. 

- Since when does the big Daredevil need anyone's help? - Castle snorted under his breath. 

He walked around the kitchen island and poured himself a cup of coffee. 

- I still don't understand why you're here - he sipped from his mug - Why did you bring him here, Karen?

Matt leaned his hip against the cabinet, he could feel Frank's steady heartbeat and Karen's slightly quickened pulse. 

- It's about my sister - he listened to the Punisher reaction. 

The aura immediately changed in the room, the air became heavy and tense. 

- What about her? - he sensed a slight change in Frank's voice. 

His voice seemed to hesitate, a hint of tension creeping into it. But Castle quickly returned to his cold, steel voice.

- What about Olivia? - He stared at them. 

- She's missing. I haven't heard from her in four days. I've searched the entire city - Matt shook his head.

- Maybe she went on vacation - Frank put his cup down. 

- Today she was supposed to have her last exam at university, she wouldn't miss it. 

- How could you lose your own sister? - he snarled at him.

- You know how she is, she's impossible to keep track of. She has her own life, she is stubborn and unpredictable. But this time I know that this is not just another prank, I know that something happened. 

- What makes you think that? - He rested his hands on the counter in front of him. 

- Her apartment was trashed, and you know how meticulous she is. Frank, I know you two broke up, I know you don't keep in touch, but she's my little sister. I'm worried about her. I can't find her myself. Can you help me?

Castle stared at the cup in front of him, still in love with her. He had always thought that after Maria, he would never be able to love anyone. But it was different with her, he gave his heart to her. But he had to fail, as he always did. He had to push her away, destroyed their relationship. 

At the same time.

- Come on, baby - the young man knelt down in front of her - you must know something. 

- I don't know shit, I'm just an ordinary student - she spat blood in his face. 

- You bitch - he straightened up and slapped her. 

She spat blood on the floor, smiled and shook her head. 

- I have no clue who the Punisher and Daredevil are, I have no clue what you're asking me. I'm a final year law student, I had an exam on dick days. Last fucking year - she growled as if to herself. 

- I don't give a shit about your studies, I just want those two dicks. They are the only ones I care about, no one else. 

She shook her head, her whole body aching. She had been sitting in that fucking chair for what felt like hours. She was hungry and thirsty, but she swore to herself that she would never tell anyone about the two most important men in her life. She would never give up her brother for anything in her life, much less the love of her life. They could kill her right here in this chair, but she wouldn't let up. 

- Did she say something? - an older man entered the room. 

- No - the younger man turned to him - she doesn't know who they are. 

- Do you believe her? - the grey-haired man crossed his arms over his chest. 

- No - the brunet shook his head - she knows, she's just stubborn. 

- So you have to change your tactics - the elder reached for the gun hanging under his jacket - go out, I'll take care of her. 

- Sure, boss - the young man nodded and left the room, closing the door behind him. 

- I act differently than these young people - he smiled - do you really not know anything about them?

- No fucking way - she growled.

- Great.

He put the gun to her knee and just fired without warning. Olivia wailed in pain and tightened the ropes she was tied with. 

- You still don't know anything?

- No - she stared into his eyes. 

- Good - he nodded. 

He put the barrel on her other knee and shot again. She gritted her teeth and writhing in pain, blood dripping on the floor. If she counted right, if the blood kept flowing out of her body at this rate, she'd be out of her misery within the hour. 

- Shoot me at once, I won't tell you shit - she stared at him.

- So you know something - he leaned into her ear - if I don't break your body I will break your mind. No more than 24 hours and you'll be talking all you know. 

He kissed her ear and straightened up. 

- Jackson - he shouted.

The man walked inside, approached his boss. 

- She is to survive - he gave him the gun and left. 

They left her alone right after they bandaged her up. Eventually, time began to blur, her mind balancing between consciousness and overload. She was barely making contact, trying to hold on as long as possible. She rested her chin against her chest and let herself drift off for a moment. She was roused from her numbness by shots, muffled but she heard them. She tried to raise her head, tried to jerk herself up. But her body refused to obey, she wanted to get out of here. She wanted to return to her normal life, to be able to lie down in bed and finally rest. She shuddered when someone lifted her head, she wanted to open her eyes. She wanted the words of the person in front of her to reach her, she felt someone cut her bonds. And then her body floated in the air, she wanted to fight. To resist but she couldn't, she didn't have the strength for it. She leaned her head against the rough material and only after a moment realized who was carrying her. The scent of this person had accompanied her for over a year, she woke up with him whenever he was home. She nuzzled her nose into his neck and breathed as much as her broken ribs would allow. 

- Frank, I knew you'd find me. - she whispered. 

A moment later she lost consciousness. Frank felt her body go limp, felt her steady breathing on his neck. 

- Come on kid stay with me - he muttered. 

- Is she all right? - Red ran up to him.

- She lost consciousness, she's in bad shape.

- Let's take her to me - the younger one followed him. 

- No - Punisher shook his head - she is coming back to me, to my house. 

- But...

- Don't discuss - he growled - you have shit to say since you let her out of your sight. 

Two days later

She groaned when she first opened her eyes, she closed them very quickly. She felt numb and her mind was dimmed. When she tried to move, pain shot through her body.

- Hey, easy - someone held her body - don't move. 

- Where am I? - she whispered. 

- At home - the voice whispered.

She turned her head towards the voice, opened her eyes and squinted. Only after a while did she realize who was sitting by her bed.

- Frank - she stared into his dark eyes. 

- You'll be dull for a while, it's because of the painkillers. 

- What happened? - She was breathing shallowly.

- It is not important, you are safe here - he leaned towards her. 

He smoothed her hair with his hand and kissed her forehead.

- You are safe, I will take care of it - he whispered.

She touched his cheek when he brought his face closer to hers, she stared into his dark eyes. 

- You look like shit - he smiled. 

Olivia snorted under her breath and shook her head. 

- See, the roles are reversed - she smiled slightly.

- I never wanted this for you - he didn't break eye contact - I never wanted you to get hurt. 

- I am fine - she stroked his cheek with her thumb - I am a tough bitch. 

- I'm sorry - his eyes turned glassy. 

- Hey - she moved her thumb across his lower lip - nothing is your fault, nothing at all. 

- I love you kid.

- I always loved that nickname -  she snorted under her breath - I love you too, Castle. 

He moved closer to her and kissed her lightly on the lips. 

- Come home, this place isn't the same without you - he whispered against her lips. 

- As if I have no choice - she smiled - I will stay here with you. 

He pressed his lips to hers more firmly, deepening the kiss. 

- She barely woke up and you're already sucking her face off - a third voice said.

They pulled away from each other, Olivia blushed furiously and Frank rolled his eyes. 

- Red little brother, turn around and leave. 

[daily-dose-of-imagines]

(っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ Matchup ♥

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Naruto, One Piece, and Free Match-Up Request

May I request another match-up but for Free, One Piece, and Naruto this time? :) Here’s all my info once more!

Name: Corethra (or Corey for short)

Age: 25

Gender: Female

Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual

Occupation: Hand Packer at an ice cream factory. I work 12 hours (5:30pm to 6am) on a rotating schedule.

Birthplace: Memphis, TN, USA. I was raised in the neighborhood called Frayser which is the most impoverished area in Memphis and has a high crime rate as expected.

Zodiac Sign: Pisces (born March 2) My full birth chart can be found here

Enneagram: 5w6

Chinese Zodiac: Year Of The Pig

MBTI Type: INFJ

Alignment: Lawful Neutral

Hogwarts House: Slytherin

Love Language: Acts Of Service

Race/Ethnicity: African-American

Height: 4'11 (Call me short and I’ll kick your butt!)

Body Type/Shape: Average but well developed figure at best. I weigh about 158 lbs and am pretty insecure about my body. I also have really bad scars on my left arm from being bitten by a dog.

Hair Color/Style: Black and naturally curly but I keep it flat-ironed so it’s straight. It’s long and goes down to just below my shoulder blades. There are times when I will have braids put in of various lengths.

Glasses or No?: Yes I wear glasses

Eye Color: Brown

Dress Style: I usually dress up in a casual way, just throwing on whatever looks good at the time but I will sometimes put in the effort when the time calls for it or when I’m in a good mood. I have an affinity for the punk, emo, and goth styles and I rarely wear feminine clothes but I will wear something risky every once in a while.

Hobbies/Interests: Video games, reading, writing, anime, internet surfing, listening to music, politics (sometimes), watching movies/TV shows, basically being an overall nerd. I’m usually either on my laptop or one of my many video game consoles if I’m not on my phone or reading one of my books.

Dislikes: Ignorance, stupidity, restriction, manipulation/gas-lighting, bullying, humanity, not being understood, corruption/injustice, close-mindedness

Personality: At first glance, I seem quiet and keep to myself, only speaking when I need to or when I’m spoken to. I’m an anti-social introvert to the fullest and don’t care much for small talk or going out. I prefer to have deeper conversations. When I get comfortable enough in whatever environment I’m in, I start to open up bit by bit. I’m a tomboy and pretty rough-minded as well as stubborn. I’m very sassy, have a smart, sarcastic, and witty mouth if not humorous and outrageous at times, can be borderline rude and mean, and I’m more sensitive than I care to be. I can literally cry at someone’s suffering especially if it’s someone I’m close to or even a total stranger. I’m very empathetic and my heart is bigger than what most people would expect. Most people describe me as quiet, intelligent, creative, dorky, a smartass, and really sweet. I love a good laugh and have an open sense of humor to boot.

Many of my friends say that I’m very sweet and kind which I usually am if I’m in a good mood as well as affectionate as hell. Hugs and pet names galore with me! However only my friends and family see that side of me. My language is often unfiltered, harsh, foul, and blunt which shocks people because they think I’m a pure angel. I say what I want when I want and no one tells me otherwise. If they do, they can expect a mouthful from me. I’m an escapist and very imaginative, can be a bit scatterbrained at times, and I’m methodical and detailed to the point of perfectionism. I’m usually a walking contradiction in terms of personality in so many ways to the point where the real me is almost impossible to decipher. To make matters more complicated, I’m not very good at expressing myself verbally and prefer to let my actions do the talking. I also express myself better through written form.

I have many pet peeves and I get annoyed easily in general. I’m also slowly embracing misanthropy and nihilism but I can be pretty idealistic so it balances out. I’m practically zero tolerance when it comes to bullshit. I hate confrontation and conflict but I’m starting to work on it so I can be less passive-aggressive and more assertive. I also wish to stand up for myself more often than I should so people won’t think that I’m weak and an easy target. I’m pretty cynical which is to be expected and usually expect the worst from people. When someone angers me, I will either just withdraw altogether and completely cut them off (slam the door basically) or get in their face and go off before doing the former. I’m the “hold my anger in and release it all at once” type but I hope to change that one day and stop letting things fester before they get out of hand. I can be quite petty and even cold as well and if someone wrongs me, they will have to make the first move to mend fences. I refuse to apologize if I’m not in the wrong and I will not accept gaslighting/guilt tripping. I also refuse to change for others and will admit to having quite a lot of pride but that’s mostly due to me not wanting to be hurt and manipulated, mistreated, or used.

I have issues with trust and a wild imagination to boot. I usually trust my instincts and can see right through bullshit. I don’t like taking risks and I have to know all the details when I do something so I don’t mess up and look like an idiot. I am indeed a perfectionist and introverted to a fault which often prevents me from trying new things and going outside my comfort zone. I haven’t been in a relationship yet and am still a virgin due to my issues with trust and not wanting to be hurt or humiliated as well as being quite picky/perfectionistic with the people I allow in my life. I have high standards for both people and myself although I’m pretty laid-back and my dislike of conflict allows me to also take a lot of shit from people too before I eventually say “fuck it” and slam the door or go off on them. I don’t think very highly of myself and can sometimes fall into a period of self-hatred and self-pity.

Many people praise me for my intelligence which is fitting since I’m an intellectual. My ideals and beliefs are rather odd to say the least (I’m a classical liberal/independent and despise most ideologies/ideas. This includes religion, feminism, social justice, traditionalism, statism, big government, nationalism, socialism/communism, etc.) and I feel misunderstood because of it (mostly because of the black community ostracizing me). I am indeed a rebel, open-minded, and a free thinker. No one tells me how to think or feel or else they face my wrath. I highly value power over myself and I think it’s the most important thing that a person needs in order to survive. I am definitely an outcast at heart and I often distance myself from others and don’t like talking about my feelings or beliefs because I think most people lack the ability/capacity to understand me. Before I give my opinion on something, I like to do as much research as possible as well as look at things from all perspectives before coming to my own conclusion. I don’t mind discussing things but I prefer logic over emotion when doing so which makes it damn near impossible these days for me to have an real conversation without insults and threats being thrown (usually towards me). Chances are I’m gonna find something wrong with damn near anything someone believes in or says and I’m not afraid to call it out when I see it. Once I do open up and express how I feel, the gates of passion will open up and never close. I also have high morals and values and stick to my guns no matter what which can make me pretty stubborn at times.

I’m currently battling depression and often experience many symptoms of it including suicidal thoughts and depression spells. I also suffer from iron-deficiency anemia as well as irregular, prolonged periods. These things are pretty annoying for me to deal with whenever they flare up. 

Overall, I’m pretty crazy and a handful to deal with. Good luck matching me up with someone :P

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Hello @sacredwarrior88 and thank you so much for requesting with us! I am so sorry that this came out so late, but I do hope you enjoy this!

>Admin 𝕋

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

𝐼 𝓈𝒽𝒾𝓅 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽…

Ace! I feel that you and ace would be such a great couple! He is open minded and kind to others whereas you are the same way! You are passionate like he is, caring like he is, loyal to the bone like he is! He would see you and see your personality and just instantly fall in love you and your personality! Like, I can’t even imagine how much he will want you on his crew, so they he can keep on you and protect you at all times-- though he will soon figure out that you don’t need help, you can take care yourself--which he will find extremely attractive, no doubt about that! 

He will love that fact that you are independent, because he really values individualism and independency, he sees it as a great traits to have. But he will also love the fact that you are sensitive, and can sometimes get into your own  head. He understands that, knows it all too well, so he will try with all his might to try and make sure that you are happy and always smiling! But he will love how fierce you can be to other people, never bowing down to their expectations! 

All in all, I feel like Ace would be a great man for you in the one piece universe! He would be attentive to you, would love your attitude and personality, and would absolutely adore how loyal and strong you are! make sure to love him thoroughly!

Ah, Sai! He is much like Ace, just a little less emotional, which is fine! I feel like you and Sai would make a couple for a couple reasons! He would love how mature you are, and how logical you can be, and-- like ace-- he loves the fact that you are extremely loyal to your friends! That is a true factor in the way he will see you, and it is for the better! He will se how strong you are, emotionally and will be envious and at the same time fascinated! I Feel like Sai will look at you with wide eyes, his breath caught in his throat, his heart beating wildly in his ribcage because he will love you that much! All the things you are interested he will want to hear with enthusiasm, everything you love he will want to learn and hear from you, to get to know you better!

Another thing is that if you were to go to him with your insecurities and how you are battling depression, he will try to understand, and once he does he will try to everything and anything to make sure you feel better! You need a massage? He’s on it! You need cuddles? oh yeah he will give you some! You need chocolate or sweets or anything of the like? He’ll run to the store, and be back 5 minutes tops! 

All in all, I feel like the cool, mature Sai, with a heart of pure gold will be such a good match for you! He will make sure that you uncomfortable with him, he will never want to make you unhappy, and he will definitely do anything i his power to make sure that you will keep on loving him as much as you can!

Rei! Now, with Rei, I wanted to go a more cute route. I feel that Rei would be equal parts and scared and in love with you! He sees how strong you are against people that oppose, he sees how strong you are for your friends, and how you have such a different personality to everybody else around him, and he will immediately fall in with you. Like instantly! To him, you’d be like a beautiful butterfly blooming right in front of him, and he will want to have you all tot himself! Of course, he won’t force you, but he will definitely watch you at a distance longingly!

He is very much an introvert and your calm but strong aura would definitely help with his anxiety! I just see him melting next you, into your lap or shoulder whenever you are around him because he is so comfortable around you. He doesn’t do this with just anybody so it would be a real honor! And when it it comes to your insecurities, he would want to make sure that you know he loves you the way are, and if you were to want to change something about yourself, then he will support you all the way, as long as you are happy! He will just love that you are such a freethinker and so openminded about things, so unlike him!

All in all, I feel like Rei would love you and (somewhat) idolize because you have all these traits that he would love to have. This perfectionist will understand how it feels to be such a perfectionist and will want to help you with that too! He will love to the moon and back(stroke)!

[twigon0metry]

On Vaccine Mandates

 Just happened to see a facebook post by someone I follow about being against vaccine mandates. It seems these days that people are extremely divided online about covid--of course, when it comes to most moral issues that affect people, you find that everywhere. But I think the reason why people are so vehement about covid-19 in particular is because it literally determines whether a human lives or dies, and one person’s choice can cause a domino effect one way or the other. 

 In this muddle of angry ideas and heated debates, it’s important to remember that both sides are composed of people--real humans, with real struggles, and their own loved ones. In this article, I want to make it clear that I am discussing a concept, not the people involved in it. 

 If, say, covid vaccines were to be mandated, that would mean that people who are not vaccinated would be unable to travel, especially not by plane or boat. It’s possible they would miss out on a lot of other gatherings as well, such as family get togethers, extracurricular activities, business trips, and shopping. Their job choices would also be limited, because due to the nature of some of these jobs (anything in the healthcare industry), vaccination would be required. If it was not mandated, they would be free to choose whichever option they wished--get vaccinated or choose not to. Mask wearing is in a similar category.

 In order to understand the dilemma and morality of this mandate, we first have to explore the question: Why were masks mandated despite so many people being uncomfortable with wearing them?

 Scientists and doctors generally have years and years’ worth of training under their belts. According to them, masks are proven to be the best way to stop disease transmission of respiratory infections, which travel in miniscule droplets of liquid from the mouth and nose of a person. Countries who follow mask wearing guidelines were quickly observed to have a lower infection rate. 

 Despite this, many people have just refused to wear them, due to suspicion, their own discomfort, or a strange delusion of freedom. And as such, cases climbed rapidly.

 Parents are much more likely to give a child freedom when the child is good and acts in interest of others (especially in that of the parents). Perhaps they may choose a toy when they go out, or stay up extra late, or watch TV for a bit longer. But what happens when a child rebels? Those freedoms are quickly taken away, because the child will misuse them and eventually cause harm to themselves and others. 

 As offensive of a comparison that is, it’s quite similar to mask wearing and vaccines. Of course, the difference is, these are adults, not children. But as one can see, the progression of it is the same both ways. Masks became mandated because people have not used their freedom in the right way, and they will cause harm to each other if it keeps happening. And now, in places where it is mandated, people without masks cannot enter most places or do jobs unless they have a specific exception. 

 Now, with vaccines, we see the same thing happening once again. The government and doctors, which again are extremely educated, are offering a solution to this virus, in hopes that people will decide to protect others and themselves. They are offering their people freedom and free will, to choose one way or another. And the vaccines themselves already have substantial scientific proof for their effectiveness. 

 Here’s the thing that most people don’t understand. All of us have free will, but we live within a structured world that has thousands of cause and effect situations happening every minute. And you, as a person, can operate within it using your free will. You can choose which path you take and what you do. However, you cannot avoid the consequences of what happens after your choices. You cannot have free will without responsibility. If I were to drink and party late into the night, I would wake up the next morning with a hangover, regardless of what I chose. I cannot avoid the hangover in the name of my free will. It happens anyways. If I choose to ingest gasoline, I will die, and I cannot avoid that. 

 If you are unvaccinated, you will get sick, just as you would catch polio, measles, rubella, tetanus, etc.. You may choose to not be vaccinated, but you have to also accept the fact that you are far more likely to become ill than someone who is. You also have to accept that you will be spreading illness to others besides yourself. 

 Free will and freedom of speech is important to americans and canadians. But that freedom is not more important than human lives. You can throw water at your friend and they might get mad--big deal. But if you pick up a gun and shoot a man, you will go to jail, because endangering another human is a consequence on another level--and the government will protect its people from that consequence whenever possible. 

 Yes, you have the choice to take or not take the vaccine. But that free will doesn’t come without natural consequences. Unvaccinated people make up many of the beds in hospitals right now, and unfortunately spread disease much faster than those who are vaccinated--it’s how diseases work. This means that the government has to restrict where those people go in order to keep others safe--especially those who cannot get the vaccine and/or are immune compromised. 

 I’ve seen the words “freedom”, “bodily autonomy”, “human rights” and “segregation” thrown around a lot these days. Don’t be fooled by that phrasing--free will exists only within the realm of safety. Free will no longer matters when thousands of other human lives are at stake, because one person’s choice can easily kill or permanently injure another. No one is taking away anyone’s bodily autonomy, or bullying anyone into getting vaccinated, as you still have the choice to get vaxxed or not--no one is standing with a knife at people’s throats and a needle at their shoulders. It is not your entitled right as a human to take actions that hurt others. It is not segregation or discrimination--merely, the natural result of refusing to stop the spread of disease. These comparisons, unfortunately, completely miss the point of the whole vaccine issue: There is an extremely dangerous disease at large in the world that is harming men, women, and children, breaking apart relationships, permanently maiming people, and threatening those we care about. Our responsibility is to stop it however we can, especially as Christians--because that’s what Jesus would do. 

 Jesus did not worry about His freedom and bodily autonomy when He carried that cross up the hill, when He was beaten nearly to death by strangers, and mocked for living the life that He did. Jesus says in the book of John: “In this world, you will have trouble--but take heart, for I have overcome the world!” (NIV).

 As His followers, we are called to do what is best for others, not ourselves. And really, in the context of what He has done for us--a little poke in the arm is nothing. 

[carrigerpigeon]

On THE ENFORCER ENIGMA

Okay, y’all.

We need to talk about The Enforcer Enigma because I have many, many problems with it.

I’ve been sitting on my feelings for this book for a month or so, after I got my ARC of it and I read it. It’s been hard to decide what I was going to say, how I was going to approach this. Like I’ve said before, my relationship with Gail exists in a liminal space between fan and friend, and is even more complicated than that.

I’ve decided, as both a fan AND friend, that I can’t ignore the problems in this book.

Which is where this post comes from.

When I first I heard it was dealing with the Selkie mob I was excited, because I loved how ridiculous they were in the short story and I think the concept is gloriously ludicrous. But this book overall felt very contrived, very basic, and very tone deaf in a racist way. The gay boys felt objectified and cookie cutter, and the racist treatment of Judd made me very, very upset.

I’m going to get to my issues with the treatment of Judd, as best as I can as a white person with a lot to learn, but I want to start with something I am able to speak better on, and that’s the gay characters in this book.

So let’s get into it. Spoilers, obviously, and lots of talk about systematic racism and homophobia, antiblackness, stereotypes, etc.

(Also, Gail, since you follow me on this blog and I know you’ll probably see this—READ THE WHOLE THING. Think about it. And then if you’d like to talk about it, you know how to contact me.)

This is going behind a cut, not because of the content but because it’s almost 6 pages long.

The Gay Boys

Okay. Look.

I love a catty, fabulous gay boy as much as the next queer. They have a space and a place in our community. But not EVERY gay man is like this IRL. Meanwhile, in SAS, it feels like every gay male character (or close to) in this series is a waspy, catty, faaaabulous gay. Isaac, Marvin, Max, Trick, even to some extent Alec and Bryan…they’re just all the exhausting waspy, catty, fabulous gay boy that we see exhibited heavily on Drag Race and other mainstream platforms.

And like. I get it. Colin is repressed and gay and wants to be a fabulous twink. That’s fine. But it just felt like he was slipping into the stereotype all the other gay male characters inhabit in these books, and that’s really, really exhausting.

Also, I am from the East Coast, where according to my West Coast friends we apparently grow gay boys differently. I can’t say with any accuracy how much of this is true. BUT MOST OF THESE GAY BOYS ARE FROM THE EAST COAST. They lived in Boston before moving to California. So why are they like this?

It feeds into this larger trend I’ve seen in Gail’s word with fabulous, savage gay boys—from Akeldama and all his drones, to Biffy, and even Lyall. Seen over the spread, it’s harder to sweep it away as just a “modern storyline” thing or a “California storyline” thing. It’s a trend, one which I find very uncomfortable as a queer person.

There is a place and space for Queer people to take back the tropes and stereotypes that have been used against us and write them our own way. But what I’ve seen as a longtime reader isn’t that. What I seem is lazy stereotyping and an overarching stereotype and characterization that feed into the larger the ways I feel gay men are objectified by female authors (no matter how queer the author is).

Many more people have covered this topic better than I, but it explains why I’ve felt so uneasy about this series from the get go. The sex and the relationships in these books don’t feel real—it feels objectifying. There’s lots of talk about big and strong sexy, muscle-y men but very little else. And while there is something to say about having a partner who thinks you’re sexy—that’s important, and I want everyone to have that…. this isn’t that.

These are muscle-y, strong, sassy gay men for cis white women to coo over on Facebook and feel good about. But to me, a real life nonbinary queer person, I feel uneasy and frankly uncomfortable with the objectification of them.

And since we’re talking about queer representation, after having a decent wlw spread in the Parasolverse there are two WLW (specifically lesbians) in SAS (Trickle and Pepper) and they (a) barely get any screen time and (b) feel stereotypical to me. And they are side characters, so I get it, but seriously?

And also while we’re on queer representation, there’s Mana, aka Manifest Destiny. Mana is the drag queen and arguable trans woman* who started off alright BUT was named after the colonization and violent taking of Native and Indigenous people’s lands and wrapped up in patriotism. Gail has said she made a mistake, that she meant her name to be Mana From Heaven, and that this would be addressed in the upcoming book (aka The Enforcer Engima).

It was not.

There is talk, from what I understand, this issue will be addresses in the upcoming short story about Mana and Lovejoy. But there are several throwaway lines about Mana in this book, her work in LA and her becoming a drag queen superstar (I guess akin to RuPaul?). So why wasn’t her name change discussed or even mentioned there?

[*Sidebar: Mana has been quoted as saying, “I suppose I should be transgender, under modern parlance. But I like drag queen. It suits me. I like the fabric roughness of drag, and the royalty of queen. It's a nice change to have the luxury of choosing one's own semantics, if not one's own situation." But whenever she appears, it seems she’s always in face/wearing false eyelashes/wearing women’s clothing.

I’m not going to police Mana’s trans experience because gender is a spectrum, and I as someone under the trans umbrella know that. But it feels…weird and off to me.]

Regardless of my sidebar, the name she was supposed to have, Manna from Heaven is…also sort of problematic? If I understand the reference correctly, it refers to the Biblical story of the food that God miraculously provided to the Israelites as they wandered in the wilderness. It means as a phrase the coming of unexpected benefit or assistance, especially when that benefit/assistance comes at the time when it is needed most. Which is what Mana is for the pack—she lets them live in her apartment in Book 1, she swoops in to save the day in Book 2. But it feels…very white and more than a little gross to name a character with Chinese and Japanese ancestry after something from the Bible.

And then there’s Judd.

Oh, Judd.

I really wanted to like Judd. The premise of his character was interesting, a Black, Pre-Saturation werewolf shifter, and I liked his cameos in the other books. But then we got a book about him, and it all fell apart.

Judd is a gay Black character, pre-Saturation, meaning he’s old as hell (from the Parasolverse time). He is objectified like the other gay boys, and there’s a lot of talk about how hard and strong his muscles and how sexy he is. He’s depicted on the cover this way.

And that’s…fine I guess, but gay Black men frequently have their bodies objectified as Black and muscley and strong. He’s also a pack Enforcer, so he’s depicted as not very smart and very violent. All of those are racist stereotypes that Black men deal with constantly, and they are racist stereotypes and tropes that are constantly hurled at Black men by the system and by society.

Additionly, Judd, the only Black member of the pack, is the only werewolf in the series to carry a gun.

A Black man. Is the only member. To carry a gun.

Yeah.

It gets worse.

There is mention of Judd’s backstory—very heavy inferences to Phineas/Soap (whose problematic naming convention and descriptors have been talked about especially by jhenne-bean ) being his mentor until he gets kicked out of Sidheag’s pack—but it falls very flat. I understand not wanting to write too much history of a Black character as a white writer, especially after tenuously connecting that history to the traditionally published series you’re Not Connected SAS To Not At All….

But.

Judd is over 150 years old.

He lived through some of America and Canada's worst racial discrimination, discrimination which would have affected him and his habitus and the way he moves through the world. He’s a gay Black man, and his gayness and his Blackness does not appear to affect how he interacts with the world at all. The police are called at the beginning and he’s OKAY ABOUT IT? AS A BLACK MAN? He basically says, “Thank God, the cops are here.”

You had a BLACK MALE CHARACTER SAY THAT when we’ve had a nationwide conversation since 2013, a conversation that has been reignited in the past three months?

Like????

And I was willing—perhaps whitely and naively—to give Gail the benefit of the doubt with Soap/Phineas. E&E was written in 2011, before Black Lives Matter was founded, before we began to have this nationwide reckoning with how Black and brown folks are treated systematically and especially by police violence. These conversations were definitely being had in 2011, but they were seen as fringe discussions and not necessarily part of the mainstream narrative as it is today.

However. It’s not 2011. It’s 2020.

It’s been 7 years since BLM was founded, and there have been countless discussions happening about racism and systematic issues in publishing and with white writers writing Black characters since that point.

Soap/Phineas has been mentioned or has cameo’d in The Custard Protocol and in Meat Cute. There’s been no conversation about his name or the way he has been described  And both he and Judd fall into the Caring-POC-Partner trope which has been discussed very heavily in romance circles and in ways I am not necessarily equipped to discuss in this post. But I will link to this post for everyone to read: https://medium.com/@ashiamonetb/queer-love-interests-of-color-and-the-white-gaze-8928b7b5e6ad

It’s 2020. These conversations have been being had, quite fervently, for many years, so there’s absolutely no excuse with how Judd is approached or treated in this book.

And here’s the CRUX of all this.

This book isn’t even really about Judd.

It’s about Colin.

Even though Judd is on the cover of the book, in all of his objectified Black body goodness, the plot of the story is about Colin. It’s very much entrenched in Colin’s issues with his family and his identity. Judd is there to take care of Colin and ~guide~ him and ~teach~ him things. To protect him. To be sexy to him.

See the medium article above. See the conversation about objectification above.

So if this book is SO MUCH ABOUT COLIN, why is Judd on the cover?

Why is Judd naked and glistening and Black on the cover of the story about the trials and tribulations of a white twink?

…Do I really have to say it? Maybe I do. It’s racist.

It might not be intended that way, but it is.

And look. There were parts of this book that I found enjoyable. I am still a fan of Gail’s wit and the way she writes. I’m a sucker for the found family trope, which all of these books have, and I really like Trick and Marvin. I’ve been where Colin is. I’ve fucked around with my gender presentation and been scared to out and fabulous or be perceived a certain way because I present a certain way.

But I’m really frustrated and frankly ANGRY with the racist stereotypes and gay stereotypes present in this book. It doesn’t feel like this was sensitivity read at all, by anyone. The book feels like a culmination of racist and homophobic trends that make me feel that Gail hasn’t been paying attention or listening to the cultural reckoning happening nationwide or in publishing.

And yes, there is a lot of “don’t idolize authors” talk, but here’s the thing.

Gail isn’t some anonymous author to me, someone I can just cancel and be done with.

Gail is a mentor to me. We’ve hung out at multiple cons, shot the shit about publishing, and talked about queer shit together with. We aren’t close, but she’s a friend (liminal space, etc). She gets a Christmas card from me every year, she asks after my partner when we chat. We’ve been in each other’s orbits for TEN YEARS.

I have this entire sideblog dedicated to her books, for fucks sake.

So when I read shit like this, it makes me upset. This book is a pile of microaggressions that stacked into a macroagression. It’s insensitive, definitely hurtful, and feels exceptionally tone deaf (AT BEST) to have written and released this book.

She has people in her inner circle who could have caught this if we’d been allowed to read it before hand, if we’d been a part of the beta process. But we weren’t. And it shows.

Gail, this is a message directly for you: You talk a lot about supporting people. You reblog lots of #ownvoices work and have been plugging a lot of #ownvoices fiction. I know (or at least hope) you’re a good person.

SO WHAT HAPPENED?

Why is this book such a disaster?

Have you been listening at all?

And I get it, we all have things to learn and things to unlearn. As white ally, and as a member of the queer community, as someone in your inner circle and as a friend (liminal space!), I get it.

I’m also saying this isn’t ok.

This book that you’ve written is not okay. Not even a little bit.

Here’s the thing: you can fix it (or you can try). It’s gonna be hard and require difficult conversations and actions, but you can.

If you want to know more, if you want to talk: you know how to contact me. I’ll give you my number. We can email, Skype, Zoom, text, call, whatever. I know I’m not the only member of the Pigeons that feels this way. You have people here to help.

As for everyone else:

As might be apparent I have…a lot of feelings right now. I’ve loved these books for so long, made a friend (liminal space!) with the author through social media. Genevieve Lefoux, and Sidheag, and Aggie, and lots of other characters mean a lot to me. Gail’s books have helped me through hard times and hard places, and she’s influenced a lot of whom I am as a writer.

But right now having this blog, dedicated to all these books with this massive subthread of racism and stereotypes, feels…not great.

And I don’t know if I can continue to support Gail and continue to be a fan (and a friend) if she keeps up with this.

[ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes]

Alfie takes a liking to one of his "bakers" sister. He starts to visit their house alot to talk to the brother. But really he is there cause he likes to watch her make the tea for them. He keeps trying to start a conversation with her but can only get short answers from her as she is a quiet kind of person. The brother can't figure out why Alfie is so interested to talk to him all the time. Ollie has figured it out though. I'd love if could get them to kiss.😘

//Sorry this took so long! 

             When Leora opened the door, Alfie immediately knew he was fucked. Instantly, he was met with a pair of deep brown eyes that held a bittersweet look to them. Alfie was usually the first to initiate conversation, gave him a bit of an edge. But he couldn’t seem to find the words.

            “Can I help you?”

            The least Ira could’ve done was warn him. Warn him that he lived with someone beautiful. A sister, or a wife, or a cousin, whatever she was, he could’ve warned Alfie.

            “Ira in?” It seemed to be all Alfie could muster in the presence of such a dark-eyed beauty.

            “He is, you must be his boss.” She suddenly averted her eyes. Realizing Alfie Solomons was at her door.

            “Yeah.”

            “Well, come in.” Leora let him inside. “He’s probably upstairs. I’ll be right back; you can wait in the kitchen if you’d like.”

            Alfie cleared his throat and instinctually tapped a finger against the Mezuzah by the door. He’d need God to see him through this trial. He made his way down the narrow hall to the tiny kitchen. It was a typical flat in Camden. Rundown, small, damp sometimes. But the family seemed to be getting along just enough. That was the perks of working for Alfie, you could actually survive. Other jobs in London just put you more in debt.

            He was there on business. Normally, he wouldn’t go to an employee’s house unless they were in huge trouble and avoiding him. But on the case of Ira, he needed the young man for a special task.

            Ira came downstairs quickly so he wouldn’t make his boss wait long. Only twenty-three, he was looking to move on up in the world. Sometimes that meant having to do some dirty work for unholy men. If his parents were alive, they would be so displeased.

            “Sir,” Ira greeted Alfie.

            “Ira, mate, good to see you.”

            “I’m glad you can trust me for this.”

            Alfie rolled his eyes. “No need to be a kiss-ass, Ira. Just sit so we can discuss business.” His gruff tone lightened a little when Leora entered the kitchen. She made herself like a fly on the wall, just making tea.

            “Lee, can you go upstairs?” Ira urged.

            “S’alright. Family’s family. No secrets ‘tween family.” Alfie assured him. “You can go ‘bout your life, love.”

            She looked a little hesitant, glancing at her younger brother. Ira gave her a nod, not going to go against Alfie. So, she went back to putting on the kettle.

            But, Alfie wasn’t going to say much in front of Leora. He wanted her to think it wasn’t a big deal that he was there. He didn’t want her worrying and causing a fuss. “I’ll pay ya well, half upfront. Do it well and your pay will go up too.”

            Ira nodded. He’d already been notified of his job offer. A ploy to run some of Sabini’s bookies off the tracks at Epsom later that month. It was a dangerous job, but Ira felt he had no other choice. “That sounds good, sir.”

            “Easy operation. Nothing to worry about.” Alfie tried not to keep glancing over at Leora.    She moved like a timid little mouse around the kitchen. Hardly making a noise. When the kettle whistled, she poured two cups and placed them on the table.

            “Thanks, love.”

            She didn’t say anything in response, just smiled slightly, and left the kitchen.

            “So, that’s your sister or something?” Alfie asked.

            “Yeah. It’s just been the two of us since our parents died. She took care of me for so long so I guess I’m trying to return the favor.” Ira admitted.

            He nodded. “Good, that’s good. Right thing to do.” He agreed, gaining a bit more respect for the young man he didn’t know very well. “You have a gun?”

            “No, sir.”

            “Right, I’ll get you one and bring you it tomorrow. Drop by around dinner time tomorrow.”

            “Oh, you could just give it to me at work tomorrow.” Ira pointed out.

            “No, ain’t got time to do it tomorrow.” Alfie stood up. “Bring it here later.” Of course, he had time to give a gun to him at work. But he needed an excuse to return to see Leora.

 ~~~~~~~~

            He did, and he continued to think of excuses, a credit to his wits. But it seemed like the only person who noticed, was Leora. Ira was just glad Alfie was trusting him so didn’t take offense to Alfie dropping by for seemingly no good reason.

            But much to Alfie’s surprise, Leora, didn’t seem to mind. Every time he came around, she made her and Ira tea then left. She never said much. Even when Alfie began to include her in conversation. She gave very brief answers but didn’t seem to be offended. She often gave him a small smile whenever he addressed her. Especially if he called her ‘love’.

                Around Alfie’s fifth visit, Ira had yet to return home from the butcher. Alfie wasn’t sure if Leora practiced yichud law, meaning they couldn’t be alone together because they were unrelated and of the opposite sex.

            But Leora let him in. “Leave the door unlocked.” She requested in her usually quiet tone.

            “Sure.” Alfie knew the various loopholes to yichud law, including an unlocked door. “Ira’ll be back soon I'm assuming?”

            “He should be. Can I make you something while you wait?”

            “Sure, love, tea’s fine.” Alfie followed her into the kitchen. “How’s everything going with you?”

            “Very nice, thank you.” She answered in her usual, polite but brief manner.

            He sat down and gave her an amused look. “You don’t say much, do you?”

            She laughed softly. “I’m sorry.”

            “No need to apologize. Some people are just like that. Some people tell me that I can’t shut me mouth sometimes.” He grinned. "Call me a nuisance." 

            “Well, some people are just like that.” She echoed him and set down a teacup in front of him.

            “There anything you like to talk about?” He wondered, trying to get past her shy barrier.

            She sheepishly shrugged. “I don’t know, nothing too interesting.”

            “Bollocks, you know that’s not true. Everyone’s got interests. Books? Going to the pictures?”

            She giggled and shrugged again. “I enjoy going to the museum.” She finally disclosed. “I’m not much of an artist but I can appreciate it.”

            It seemed to suit Leora. He could picture her roaming the large halls of a museum, a small figure amongst the large canvases.

            “Erm…can I take you to the National Gallery?” The question sprung from Alfie, and it even surprised him.

            Leora’s eyes widened. She had noticed Alfie taking a liking to her. And she felt the same way. But she wasn’t sure it would ever amount to anything. She thought she would be too shy to say anything and he never seemed like the man who enjoyed being in a relationship. “I-I don’t know.”

            “Sorry, it was forward of me to ask.” Alfie hid his wince from her.

            “I suppose…I suppose we could. Maybe on a rainy day, when you’re not busy.”

            “So, you would?”

            “I think that would be nice.” It was probably the most daring thing Leora had ever done in her life. But it strangely felt right.

            The front door opened and Ira came in. “Sorry, Mr. Solomons, I know I’m late.”

            “S’alright, mate, everything’s alright.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~

            One rainy Sunday, Alfie pardoned himself from work without any reason. Ollie asked but was kindly told to mind his own fucking business. He drove to pick Leora up so they wouldn’t have to walk in the rain to the National Gallery.

            Alfie held the umbrella above them both as they walked into the gallery. Leora didn’t say much but she seemed very pleased to be going to the museum.        

            “We can go wherever you want first,” Alfie said as he shook the umbrella out once they were inside.

            “Oh, okay.” Leora smiled shyly. “Well, I suppose I could show you one of my favorite pieces.”

            “Lead the way.”

                       The large canvas appeared to only be a painting of a port. An ancient port, upon further inspection. But Leora let him stand in silence, viewing the piece before she offered any explanation.

            Alfie wasn’t completely baffled by art. He could understand high culture and liked to think he was learned. But sometimes he wasn’t sure what he was looking for if no one pointed it out to him.

            “So, what am I looking at?” He peered at the little information plaque.

            The Embarkation of the Queen of Sheba

            Claude Lorrain

            “This shows the Queen of Sheba leaving to visit King Solomon,” Leora answered. “From the Book of Kings.”

            “Oh, right. That’s right.” He could vaguely remember the story.

            “There she is, waiting for the ship.” She pointed out the small figure among the large landscape.

            Alfie tilted forward a bit. “Oh yeah, can see her now. Sorta gets lost, don’t she? Lot going on.”

            “That’s why I like the piece so much. I see something new every time I see it.”

            “What’s your favorite part of it?” Alfie wondered, almost too overwhelmed with all the detail to pick out anything.

            “Up there.” Leora had an immediate answer. “Above the queen, the statues on the building. They seem to be seeing her off.”

            “Huh, yeah.” Alfie found what she was talking about on the right side of the painting. “They’re looking with the people up there.”

            “It’s a nice little detail.”

            Alfie glanced over at her. Seeing her looking at the painting was like seeing someone watching the sunset. There was a fond familiarity, but also adoration of its beauty. “So, I hope I haven’t been intruding on your house.”

            “It’s okay. I know you’ve been talking to Ira often.”

            “Initially, yeah, but I dunno.” Alfie rubbed the back of his neck. “Call it foolish but I just wanted to see you.” He admitted. It felt like a sacred place for her, a place where he couldn’t lie to her.

            “Was there any reason?” Leora didn’t even pretend to be surprised.

            “Call it a sense. You just seemed,” He waved a hand about to try and find the words. “A good contrast to me. That’s what people look for, ain’t it?”

            “I suppose.” She smiled.

            “Opposites attract.”

            “They seem to. I was worried about you at first.” It was the first impression she ever divulged to him. The first opinion. “I’d heard about you.”

            “I’m sure.” He couldn’t deny the stories people told about him. Whether they were true or not, it didn’t matter.

            “But I saw for myself who you are.”

            Alfie was surprised that she saw something different in him. Maybe she was mistaken? “I ain’t good.”

            Leora nodded. “Most people aren’t. But most people don’t admit that they aren’t.”

            “So that changes your view of me?” He asked doubtfully.

            “Do you not see any good in you?” She inquired.

            He pondered the question for a moment, looking at her like she was a painting that held so many different little details. “I see some good when I see you.”

            “That’s all that matters to me.” She stepped closer to him and lightly touched his chest. “So you can kiss me now if you’d like.”

            God, Alfie couldn’t resist. He tilted his head to press his lips to hers, completely losing all sense of the art gallery around them. They didn’t need to communicate with many words. And that felt fine to them.

[rockthingsbymeg]

Hey everyone! I thought I’d make this “masterlist” to let you guys know what works do I have on my drafts, aside from the requests <3

Stupid experiments [work in progress]

One-shot; Alternative universe (AU); Female reader/Y/N; Smut and fluff.

Slash is a powerful witch who likes to fuck around and create mysterious potions that he has no idea what will do to him. One day, an idea strikes him, and he creates a potion that turns him into a girl. Y/N spends the day with her boyfriend, and he does all the things he wanted to do and have done to him if he was a girl.

Only one [concept]

One-Shot; Female reader/Y/N; Smut.

During his entire life, Slash had only shown his submissive side to one person, Y/N. Life goes on, things change, and Slash never expects to find her again or to ever explore that side of him that brought him so much pleasure. However, life seems to have a little surprise in store for him.

Discoveries [concept]

One-shot; Slash x Female reader/Y/N x Fem!OC; Smut.

Slash and Y/N hadn’t been dating for that long, but he thought he knew her pretty well. Turns out, his girlfriend has more secrets he has yet to discover, and one of them certainly entices him.

Memories [concept]

One-shot; Female and male reader/Y/N; Smut and fluff.

Y/N and Slash find out the tape they recorded on the day he proposed.

Turning the tables [concept]

Multi-chapter; Female reader/Y/N; Smut, fluff.

During his relationship with Y/N, Slash had loved each second that she was the most dominant one, sex-wise. He starts to imagine more and more what it would be like to explore further into that, and Y/N is all in for the idea.

Boundaries [concept]

Multi-chapter; Female reader/Y/N; Smut.

Y/N is like Izzy and Axl’s younger sister, and they are overlyprotective of her. When she comes to L.A. and starts sleeping with their lead guitarist, they have to do everything to hide it. Of course, Izzy and Axl will find out, but they hope it’s later rather than sooner...

I do(?) [concept]

Multi-chapter; Female reader/Y/N; Fluff and smut.

Y/N and Slash wake up in a Vegas hotel room with a bouquet, a veil, and a gift to the newly-weds, courtesy of Guns N’ Roses. How the hell did that happen?

With those who matter [work in progress]

One-shot; Female reader/Y/N; Light angst, fluff and smut.

Duff’s birthday is up to a pretty good start, however, as the day goes on, no one seems to remember it’s his birthday. Just when he was about to finally accept his friends and family had actually forgotten, Y/N shows him exactly how much everyone cares.

Break up (part II) [completed]

Part of a multi-chaptered fic; Female reader/Y/N; Angst and fluff.

After Y/N’s fiancé leaves her once she gets pregnant, Y/N realizes Axl is the right person for her. She just hopes it’s not too late.

A birthday to remember [work in progress]

One-shot; Female reader/Y/N; Fluff and smut.

It’s Axl’s birthday, and they both planned him a big day with all the people he loves. Despite the celebrations already being a bit excessive, it was still something relatively normal for Axl Rose himself. Except he gives it a twist in his own, kinky way...

Letters [completed]

One-shot; Female reader/Y/N; Fluff.

Whenever he’s away on tour, Izzy writes to Y/N but he never sends them and instead keeps them all in a box. Y/N is cleaning the house while Izzy is at practice and finds out the box.

Prima donna [concept]

One-shot; Female reader/Y/N; Smut.

Y/N is the uptight daughter of one of Guns N’ Roses executives and pretends to hate Izzy because of his behaviour. However, turns out she just wants to be fucked by him. He can arrange that...

Sex bucket list [work in progress]

Multi-chapter; Smut and fluff; Whole band x Fem!Reader/Y/N ;

The band is discussing, for some reason, how good sex is, but Y/N can’t agree to a word they say. After some talking, Y/N makes a list of things she’d like to try during sex but never did, and the guys decide to go through it and show her just how good sex can be.

Eating contest [work in progress]

One-shot; Smut; Slash and Duff x Fem!Reader/Y/N.

Slash and Duff are drunk and arguing over who is the best at eating girls out. They turn to Y/N to settle this, but Y/N can’t give her opinion, since they never ate her out. They’re glad to show off their talents...

Playing dress up [work in progress]

One-shot; Smut; Slash x Duff (Sluff).

Duff finds out something quite interesting in Slash’s room. After one too many joints and endless bottles, Duff makes a dare.

[rhysdigsgraves]

ɪɴᴛʀᴏᴅᴜᴄɪɴɢ .... ♥ the boy ♥ !

who is also known as » the stress baker, the avid room redecorator, the nail biter, the darkroom shutin, or the one needs to stop leaving so many dirty fucking cups of half drank tea by his bed 

𝓫𝓪𝓼𝓲𝓬𝓼 !

NAME: Rhyland Delorm NICKNAMES: Rhy ( common ), baby love ( thx mom ), dumbass ( tinder :/ )  AGE:  Twenty-One GENDER: Cis!male SEXUALITY: Pansexual  YEAR & MAJOR: Third year, Film and Media 

𝓺𝓾𝓲𝓬𝓴 𝓯𝓪𝓬𝓽𝓼 !

QUIRKS: nail biting, walks on his tiptoes too often, can’t finish a book, always sits straight up like his back isn’t allowed to touch the back of a couch or something, always pacing   HOBBIES: photography, thinks he can eventually learn bass, baking, really obsessed with paint by numbers and puzzles FAVORITE PLACE: cinemas  ACADEMIC TYPE: gets the energy to do all his school work done right away, then does half of it and procrastinates the rest until the day before assuming it isn’t a photo assignment that he enjoys  LIKES: tea (he makes time for afternoon tea every day), collecting vinyls, shopping online, coffee cake, shoes, class discussions and critiques, gundman model kits, photoshoots with friends, making out DISLIKES: hot weather, opening up, people raising their voice, brightly colored clothes, sugary coffee, honey, grade reports, math, going to bars/clubs    VICES: beer, weed, dabbles with psychedelics but not much in the school year, sex  SCARS & BIRTHMARKS: there’s a scar on his left knee that is white/pinkish with an indent from where a school friend accidentally shot him with spray pellets from a bb gun when he was seven. he has a large birthmark next to his belly button and another just above his hip bone LANGUAGES SPOKEN: English and a good amount of French, but not as fluently. 

𝓫𝓲𝓸𝓰𝓻𝓪𝓹𝓱𝔂 !

HIS MOTHERS SING-SONG VOICE, ELABORATE DINNER PARTIES, AND A CONSTANT CHANGING FLUX OF MAIDS AND NANNIES are all hallmarks of Rhy’s upbringing. His mother and father had a happy relationship. They were very much in love, and titans of social gatherings; a true power couple. Below the surface of this, however, they had a different understanding. His father probably was never meant to be monogamous with anyone, despite how much he loved his wife. He had no interest in forming romantic relationships with other women. They agreed that this was fine, his father was allowed to have other women. This was something Rhy was never informed of but witnessed the effects of growing up. Whenever his mother decided her husband was getting too close to one of the maids or nannies, they were fired and a new one sent in. The house staff was constantly changing because of this. Rhyland also witnessed dozens of women come through is life, specifically when his mother was off to France to be with her family or on vacations. They’d shower him with gifts and candy to make him feel safe while they got to play house with his father for a couple days. 

None of this inherently served to ruin his childhood. He was his mothers child, or her only baby, and the light of her life. Rhyland spent most of his free time tucked away in the corner silently playing and watching her conduct her life. He’d follow her around all day. His favorite were days when his mother would take to baking for a ladies event or just for fun, and he could help her out. This is where his love for baking comes from. Watching his mom mathematically prepare recipes with an efficient hand still never fails to elate him. His father is much more strange to him -- he’s never been close to him. His old man talks to him like it’s business; making sure he’s on the honor roll, that he appears the way he wants, or that he’s going to be wealthy and independent. He makes it very clear when Rhyland is doing something he doesn’t find satisfactory. The two have had their moments; from the sex talk, his first beer with him at sixteen, to restoring an old car without much communication but the feeling of mutual respect. 

IN SOMEWAYS, IT’S EASY TO HIDE WHO YOU ARE IN A BIG HOUSE.

Rhyland grew to be very independent very quickly; still interested in what his mother was doing, but more capable of busying himself after school. His bedroom was on the complete opposite side of the house from his parents, who were home less and less as he grew up, and that served him well. He could be whoever he wanted for most of the time. For example, he was never caught smoking in his room -- though perhaps his mother, a much more liberal woman, chose not to smell it on her son when he’d come down for dinner or to watch tv with her. His father had more and more “business trips” to take part in and cared very little for his sons life, only stopping him occasionally to make sure he was doing the right thing. Rhyland began to catch on to his fathers lifestyle by accident. Some nights he’d tiptoe downstairs for water just to stop in the hallway and hear his mothers strained voice asking him to come home, or find his mother sleeping on the couch watching old French movies more often than ever. It was clear something was strained. He put together the pieces himself; a rather smart boy. It sort of broke his heart, if only for his mother. Though nothing ever happened about it, and it wasn’t something anyone was allowed to talk about, so the intrigue faded. 

It’s more than likely he developed his lack of ability to form romantic relationships from his parents. He can make friends, as he gets this depth of warmness from his mothers love, but he can’t make it past that. If he is going to be involved with someone it is purely sexual. He has an inability to open up to people (aside from one or two very close friends), and it makes it hard fro him to form certain bonds. When it comes to being a friend he can be great though. He has an emphatic heart. His love language is giving what he can, small surprises, treats, hugs if that’s what they want. Sometimes it’s just giving his friends a safe space. 

Though opposite of that he is simply a man who cannot take his own advice. He keeps much of himself locked up. It of course comes out in different ways, from an inability to clean his room for a couple of weeks, to constant hookups, not wanting to be around people for days, getting high just to sleep at night... the list goes on. 》𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕠𝕗 𝕔𝕙𝕒𝕣𝕒𝕔𝕥𝕖𝕣, what i’d like to get across is that there is a deep inner angst within Rhyland, but for now it is relatively unexplored. It could pop up in a number of ways but I’d prefer to explore it within the game rather than trying to type it all out and make it seem like I’m typecasting the fucker timmy played in lady bird or something, because that’d really boring. he’s introverted but he’s not necessarily that doesn’t like to hang around parties; in fact, when it comes to having a “good time”, Rhyland can push it too far, but that makes more sense to explain in game than out. I’m very bad at bios. :) 

[ckret2]

Serizawa: let them fight Serizawa: now... let them fuck Phff and to think this is mark’s idea (just to tell you I love how you wrote mark... lots of people hate him me I love him cause he trying to be a dad and just be there for his kid..he trying to fix his relationship)

Mark refuses to take responsibility for this idea. It's all on Serizawa now.

I'm not a big fan of Mark personally, but it's got nothing to do with how he's trying to be a dad. More to do with the fact that he's shown as inserting himself into discussions between people who are experts in their fields—people who, in many scenes, are largely POC and women—and then proceeds to talk over them (or shout over them), presenting himself like he knows everything and they know nothing despite the fact that he hasn't worked in their field for five years. And then this outsider white dude who should not know as much as the people he's talking over is almost invariably shown as right.

Plus the plot makes both him and the people around him go out of character just to give him more opportunities to be right while everyone else is wrong—i.e., Mark "let's kill them all" Russell advising against pointing guns at Godzilla while Serizawa "let's be Godzilla's pet" Ishiro apparently had no issues pointing weapons at Godzilla until Mark spoke up. Sure they made up a justification in-scene for Mark to take that stance; but they could have given a similar justification to Serizawa, Godzilla's #1 Fan instead. There's no reason not to give it to Serizawa except that they wanted to give Mark an opportunity to look smarter than everyone in the room who have actually been working with Godzilla the last five years.

And on top of that, the "alpha wolf" theory that the writers made Mark the spokesman of throughout the movie is based on a single flawed study that was debunked almost as soon as it was published, and the theory has had a broadly harmful effect both in zoology and on human sociology ever since—but the writers made Mark right about this bogus alpha theory, too.

So that's why I'm not a fan of him.

But his whole "angry protective dad driven by love for his child and guilt over not being there for her" shtick? I'm cool with that. It's a solid character base.

And generally as a writer I feel like, it's okay to not like a canon character, but it's disrespectful/disingenuous to write the character like you don't like them. You've gotta get in their head and treat them with dignity anyway. You've gotta write the people who like them like they actually like them. You can't turn them into a parody of themself just to vent your own distaste for them.

Plus, rather than treating a character (or plot, or trope) that I don't like even worse than it actually is, I tend to prefer rewriting them in a way I do like. And most of my gripes with Mark don't have to do with his characterization ("angry white man who talks over other people and acts like he's an unquestionable authority on a topic he's actually completely wrong about," okay, that's a realistic flawed character that DEFINITELY exists in the real world) but rather with the fact that the writers seemed unconscious of the fact that those ARE flaws and instead rewarded him with being treated as the authority he thinks he is and with being right about almost everything. All you've really gotta do to fix the issues with Mark is treat those flaws like flaws. Which means don't let him be right about everything, occasionally have people around him correct him on his strongly-held but wrong beliefs, have his pigheadedness sometimes come back to bite him, and maybe have him occasionally have a bit of character growth as he slowly learns to listen to other people rather than simply talk over them.

So that's what I went with. And if one of Mark's fans likes how I wrote him even though I'm not a big fan of him personally, that probably means I hit the characterization balance I was aiming for!

Anyway, whenever I need to go "UGH Mark is wrong about EVERYTHING and he NEVER listens to anyone else," I can write Xochitl. That's half of what I made her for, lmao.

[iffeelscouldkill]

say what we wanna do, make it all come true (chapter 2)

A/N: In my original notes for this fic I had written that Chapter 3 might be rolled into Chapter 2 depending on length because I thought that Chapter 2 was going to be super short. *laughs wildly in 7.1k-long chapter* But this is my favourite chapter of the fic, so it's nice that we get to spend extra time with it!

No particular content warnings for this; everything’s pretty chill. Enjoy! <3

Link to Chapter One | Read on AO3

“That, dear listeners, was ‘Landers Never Stand Down’, the hit single – or should that be anthem? – by beloved indie band Rumor, from their debut album, ‘Ghost Squid’. If you’re just joining us, I’m Piper Tanaka, and this is Radio Indie, Folk and Techno. With us in the studio are Rumor frontwoman Sana Tripathi-”

“Hello again.”

“-and bassist Arkady Patel. We’ve just been hearing the stunning true story of how the band added a new member to its line-up, drummer Violet Liu, after she was discovered trying to obtain confidential files in order to blow the whistle on her employer, the notorious IGR Corp, and its development of an unethical surveillance device.”

“Isn’t that, really, the only logical way to join a band?” Kestrel quipped.

“It sure worked out well for the Rumor crew!” said Piper. “On a more musical note, though – and yes, that pun was intended – that was a great track we just heard. I’m curious about the name you picked for your debut album; is there a story there?”

Sana glanced at Arkady, amused. “Call it an in joke,” she said. “We were originally going to go with ‘In the Deep’, since there’s kind of a loose space theme to the first album, and then… after rehearsal one day, we were just riffing on what kind of creatures might live out in the depths of outer space-” They had also been pretty drunk at the time, but she didn’t need to mention that live on air. “-and Arkady suggested that maybe there’d be giant squid, like in the depths of the ocean.”

“Space squid!” Piper enthused. “Now there’s a concept I can get behind.”

“Right, but Violet, who is our resident science expert – she has a Masters in Molecular Biology–”

“Fancy. Love a woman of science.”

“-pointed out that a squid could never propel itself in a vacuum. Unless it was, you know, a ghost squid.”

“How much had you guys been drinking?” Kestrel asked shrewdly. Arkady coughed.

“It was a dumb joke, but we thought it would make a pretty unique name for a first album,” she finished.

“You were right there!” said Piper brightly. “Then, of course, there’s your upcoming second album, which we’ve heard will be titled ‘More Than a Rumor’.”

“That’s right,” Sana confirmed. “We’ve been working on some really cool material for this one, and we’re excited to bring it to you all.”

“We’ve been hearing some interesting talk about what exactly that material might be,” said Piper. “The discussion boards online are buzzing about one track, ‘The Saga of the House of Zravshen’, which is said to be a thirteen-minute-long “epic space opera ballad” written by Brian Jeeter.”

Arkady made a derisive noise. “It’ll be a thirteen-minute-long something, all right.”

“Arkady, maybe you could tell us about ‘Nanoswarm’,” said Kestrel slyly. “I’ve heard that you and Violet Liu collaborated closely on that track.”

“I – we didn’t – what I mean is, uh, it really wasn’t a formal – collaboration–”

Arkady’s transformation from self-assured to completely flustered was delightful to behold, even though Sana felt like she should maybe step in and save her best friend from herself.

“It was more of a, uh, sort of a side project – we just worked on it and it sounded pretty cool, so it, uh – went onto the album.”

“What I think is really great about ‘More Than a Rumor’,” Sana intervened smoothly, and Arkady let out a breath, sitting back in her chair, “is that there are various tracks where different band members get a chance to shine. Building on ‘Ghost Squid’, which was the introduction to the band as a whole, we really delve into different members’ specialisms in our second album, which has made the material really varied as a result. But at the same time, we’ve worked hard to give it a cohesive flow…”

---

Not everything about adding a new member to the band had been as seamless as that first set. They’d improvised together well over the course of a performance, sure, but there was a different quality to rehearsals now that there were five of them instead of four; they were still figuring out how to navigate each other, adapting routines and in-jokes to accommodate a new person.

A lot of their original material sounded different now with the addition of a keytar and a new drummer; Liu was more technically capable than Jeeter had been, and she also wasn’t content with just falling into a role that had been laid down for her. She had ideas, things she wanted to change, and they weren’t bad ideas, but they still bugged Arkady anyway. She was just attached to a lot of their old songs, that was all.

And okay, maybe she’d pushed back on a few suggestions during rehearsals in a way that had Sana raising an amused eyebrow at her and Krejjh pretending to duck and cover. To her credit, Liu didn’t just roll over and give up on her ideas at the first sign of resistance, sticking to her guns in a way that Arkady respected even if it was also annoying. Things never deteriorated too far, mainly because Sana was quick to play peacemaker, but there always seemed to be some kind of friction between the two of them. It was like an itch under Arkady’s skin whenever she was around Liu, quick to flare up.

Then there was the time that Liu had made an offhanded comment that, “Everyone here went to an underground concert or two in college, right?” in the context of discussing the kinds of set-ups that they’d performed with in the past. Arkady had said nothing, but could feel her teeth grinding as she played an overly loud riff on her bass. It was an innocuous enough comment on its own, but the easy presumptions behind it – the idea that everyone had had access to the same educational opportunities that Liu had had – were what pissed Arkady off.

But contradicting her would have meant talking about something that was personal to Arkady, something that cut way too close to the bone, and she didn’t want to do that. Liu hadn’t earned that from her. Instead, Jeeter made a joke about having been way too immersed in books to find time for concerts, and Sana tactfully steered the conversation out of dangerous waters.

After the rehearsal, she’d pulled Arkady aside. “If you want me to talk to her about—”

Arkady shook her head. “It’s not a big deal. Really,” she added at Sana’s unconvinced look. “It was a stupid assumption, but I can let it go. I’d rather just… let it go.”

They were in a band together, but that didn’t mean they had to be best friends. Arkady could maintain a civil working relationship. It didn’t matter what she’d… thought when she first met Liu, or what Liu might have been about to say to her in the bar. All of that was in the past, so there was no point dwelling on it. All Arkady needed to do was work with Liu within the context of the band; she could do that.

Until one afternoon when Arkady arrived early for rehearsal without really meaning to, and found that the only other person in the warehouse was Liu, who was setting up her drumkit. Before Arkady could turn around and pretend she’d never been there, Liu looked up and spotted her.

“Oh… hey. I was just planning to run through a few drum lines before the rehearsal… try some stuff out,” she said.

“Right,” Arkady said, casting about for an excuse that would get her out of the warehouse until the others arrived. “Uh, I’m gonna go get some coffee from the-”

“Arkady, listen, can we, uh… Can we clear the air between us?” Liu asked, the last few words coming out all in a rush.

Arkady froze. “Clear… what air?” she asked, hoping to god that Liu would say something innocuous about why she thought the drum line on Fear for the Storm needed work.

No such luck. “Look, I get that you’re not… thrilled with having me in the band,” Liu said, quietly, though her voice still carried in the echoey space. “I’ve been in a lot of workplace environments where I’m not welcome, so I… know how to spot the signs. And maybe I’m being hypersensitive, or looking for things to worry about, but something still feels off between us, so whatever it is, can we just talk about it and deal with it? Please?”

Arkady’s chest clenched at Liu’s mention of not being welcome in ‘workplace environments’. Damn it, she didn’t want to make Liu feel the same way she’d felt in whatever white dudebro-filled tech companies she’d worked for. But she also didn’t want to go into the reasons why she wasn’t always a ray of sunshine when they interacted. There was no way that that conversation was going to make anything better.

“I don’t have a problem with you being in the band. Really,” she said instead. “If it comes off that way, it’s just because… Sana and I worked on a lot of those early songs together, and I’m… attached to how they sound. That’s all.”

“So… this is really just a musical disagreement?” said Liu, sounding unconvinced. “Because it feels like there’s… something else. I know you’re not the biggest fan of my former employer – and I mean, me neither – but I figure if it bothered you that much, you wouldn’t have come to help me when Seiders was threatening me-”

“I wasn’t going to just let you die,” Arkady said, nettled. “And no, I’m not in the habit of judging people for where they work. I’ve worked my fair share of jobs for shitty employers just to get by.” She shrugged. Then, almost without meaning to, she added, “Of course, I didn’t have the choice that you probably had…”

Liu frowned, but more like she was confused than like she was annoyed by Arkady’s comment. “What do you mean?”

Arkady sighed. “Not everyone went to college, Liu,” she said. “I’m a high school dropout. So no, I didn’t go to any underground concerts. Or any kind of gigs in college.”

Liu’s eyes widened as her comment from earlier came back to her. “Oh my god,” she groaned, putting her hand to her head. “I am so sorry, Arkady – I should know better than to make assumptions like that. I was just – I’d been talking to Brian about his studies and how he met Krejjh doing fieldwork, and I guess I assumed you guys had all met in college-”

Arkady barked out a laugh, too startled to even really be annoyed. “What, you thought that I could’ve been studying alongside Jeeter? You know he went to Brightwell, right? That elite college that’s supposed to be harder than Harvard to get into?”

Liu shrugged like the idea was actually plausible and not something that sounded like part of a bizarre alternate reality. “Yeah, I don’t see why not.” Then, quickly, as if she was afraid that this might have offended Arkady even more, she added, “But like I said – I really shouldn’t have assumed, and I’m sorry – I know better than that. I was only able to go to the college I did because I won a scholarship.”

Keen to move away from the topic of Arkady possibly having gone to Brightwell – because really, what – Arkady said, “You went to uh, that all-girls college, right? Harmony?” She vaguely remembered overhearing a conversation between Liu and Jeeter where Liu had talked about there being a Latin motto. “It sounded… interesting.”

Liu pulled a face. “Yeah, that’s one word for it.” She went on almost shyly, like she was confessing to a deeply-held secret, “I would have liked to study something more artistic – music, maybe – or at least do more extra-curriculars, but… I got that scholarship, and I was under a lot of pressure from my parents to do something ‘worthwhile’. Plus, I really wanted to show the kids who said I only got that scholarship because I was ‘a minority’.” There was an anger and a bitterness and a tiredness underlying those last two words that Arkady knew far too well.

“They what,” she spat out. God, was she glad she’d never been to college. Then again, she’d worked at places where she’d come up against the exact same attitude.

“Yeah,” Liu said wearily, fiddling with the drumsticks she was holding. “It wasn’t all bad, though. Being away at college was the first time I was really able to be myself – play the drums, be out. I got this haircut in my freshman year that was just – wild, it was awful.” She laughed, though Arkady barely heard her, her heartbeat suddenly pounding in her ears at the word ‘out’. God, Patel, get a grip. “My parents never liked the drums, they thought they were too – un-feminine,” she pulled a face again. “I play the flute, too, but I’m bad at it.”

“We should add that into the line-up,” said Arkady, to distract herself from thinking about Violet’s – Liu’s – flushed cheeks and her smile as she talked about her old haircut. “Sana can write a flute part.”

“Oh god, no,” Liu said, laughing again. “I don’t even have my flute any more, I sold it in grad school.”

“So… if you went to grad school… you can’t have hated it that much, right?” Arkady asked. “Uh – the biology, not the – flute playing.”

“Oh, no, I love biology,” Liu enthused. “It’s the study of living things – what’s not to love? Grad school itself, though, was…” She pulled a face. “I came close to quitting, a few times.”

“What happened?” Arkady asked. They were pretty far off their original subject by now, and Arkady was willing to admit to herself (and only herself) that maybe she was enjoying the conversation. It was all in the name of building better inter-band relationships, of course. Sana would be thrilled that they were bonding like this.

Liu sighed. “Let’s just say there were a few people on my course who were determined to let me know I didn’t belong. We had a lab work module where we were supposed to carry out an experiment as a group, and… I got put in charge of our group of six. My teammates would do things like pretend not to understand my instructions, or move things I needed to shelves I couldn’t reach… make comments they knew I could overhear… Growing up with an anxiety disorder, everyone’s always telling you not to worry – you learn to doubt your own thoughts. And my advisor just dismissed my concerns as ‘over-sensitivity’, so…” Arkady’s eyes narrowed further with every word that Liu spoke. “It was too late for me to transfer to another module. In the end I wound up carrying the whole project basically by myself.”

Liu gave Arkady a weak smile. “So, y’know, you didn’t miss out on much. I interned for a pharmaceutical company for a couple of years after college, did some work as a research assistant. When I got the job offer from IGR Corp, I felt like I’d finally made it – and look how that turned out.”

“Hey, it’s not your fault that IGR Corp turned out to be a special brand of greedy, soul-sucking and unethical,” said Arkady bluntly – even though she’d previously thought that maybe Liu could have had less awful taste in employers. “That’s on them. Look… I know a thing or two about soul-sucking workplaces myself.”

Arkady hadn’t intended this to turn into Personal Story Hour, but at the same time she felt like she should at least offer something after Liu had opened up about her time in college. She hadn’t needed to justify herself; she could just have apologised and left it at that. Instead, she’d shared something that Arkady suspected she didn’t talk about to a lot of people.

“The last job I worked before Sana and I started Rumor was for Telemachus Enterprises,” Arkady said, and Liu’s eyes widened in recognition.

“The global consulting firm? That’s very… well…”

“Capitalist? Soullessly corporate?” Arkady finished for her.

“I was going to say stable,” Liu said diplomatically.

“Sure, as long as you also like ladder-climbing, backstabbing and toxic work environments,” said Arkady. “I was an assistant, doing all the crap work like photocopying, fetching coffee, making calls, scheduling appointments and dealing with angry clients. It was the kind of job you get to get a ‘foothold’ in the world of business, and all of the other assistants were recent college grads who were way younger than me. I hated it.”

Liu nodded, listening intently, not offering any kind of commentary or judgement.

“Playing the bass was kind of the only thing that kept me sane, so… I used to go down to these shitty clubs at night and play, sometimes straight from work because the overtime was ridiculous. I’d join up with a couple of other musicians and do jam sessions, or sometimes play solo stuff. I’d sing, sometimes, too,” she added, a little self-consciously, even though she sang backing vocals on most of Rumor’s songs, and everyone in the band had heard her sing.

“I moved around a lot, never performed at the same place two nights in a row, so that no-one got to know me too well. I used to use different stage names – my favourite was Duchess Calpurnia Higginsworth-Cobb.”

Liu burst out laughing. “You didn’t really tell people that was your name?”

“Drunk people will believe anything,” Arkady told her. “I’m still known as ‘Duchess’ in a few places. It was a precaution, in case anything got back to my work, but in the end… the person who recognised me was someone I hadn’t seen in over a decade. Sana.”

Liu’s eyes widened. “You guys go back that far?”

“Kind of,” Arkady said. “It’s a long story–” delving into the tale of The Landing and her and Sana’s shared history definitely felt like it would be going a step too far – “but uh, I used to do work at a tattoo parlour that Sana came to a few times. I didn’t think she’d really noticed me at the time, but she remembered me well enough that when I played at a club near her workplace, she recognised me. She managed to catch a few more of my performances, figure out where I’d be, and one night she showed up with her guitar, and… we played together.”

Arkady smiled a little, remembering that night, the spark she’d felt as soon as they started to play. The drummer had been awful, some white asshole named Ricky who thought he was God’s gift to music – and wasn’t – but they’d sounded like magic anyway.

“Somehow she managed to figure out where I worked, showed up one day, invited me to get lunch, and after she found out how much I hated it there, she told me I should quit so that we could start a band,” Arkady said.

“And you did?” Liu asked, sounding half impressed, half scandalised.

“I really hated that job,” Arkady said. “Besides, the Capt- Sana can be really persuasive. We joke about her motivational speeches, but she’s…” Arkady hated to admit this, because it sounded so goddamn cheesy, but there wasn’t another word to describe it. “…inspirational.”

Liu smiled. “Yeah, I can tell. She seems like that kind of person.”

“We wrote a lot of our early songs together during that time,” Arkady said. “‘Landers Never Stand Down’, ‘Fear for the Storm’… they kind of – ugh, this is going to sound so corny, but they were about our hope for something better. So… that’s why I’m weird about changing them.”

Liu’s expression softened. “I completely get it. Look, I know that all of this has been pretty sudden – me joining the band, us trying to put together an album – and I’d understand if you wanted me to… back off a little. I was throwing out ideas for things that I thought would sound good with our new line-up, but I should have appreciated that these aren’t just songs to you and Sana.”

“No, it’s – you’re – okay,” Arkady said awkwardly. “You’re fine. They’re… they’re uh, really…” God, Arkady, just spit it out. People pay each other compliments all the time – it doesn’t have to mean anything. (Even if you might want it to mean something). “They’re really good. Ideas, I mean. And the others seem to like them! So… don’t stop on my account.”

Arkady’s urge to just leave the building after finally stumbling through that awkward admission was pretty strong, but she managed to resist. Which turned out to be worth it to see the small, pleased smile unfolding on Liu’s face. It was a different kind of smile to the one that she wore when the Captain paid her a compliment, though Arkady couldn’t have said exactly how. It just felt… personal to her.

“Well, in that case,” said Liu. “I had this idea I really wanted to try out on ‘Landers’, and… I’d love to get your thoughts? On how it sounds?”

Which was how, when Sana showed up for the start of the rehearsal fifteen minutes later, Arkady and Violet came to be mid-debate about the merits of speeding up the tempo of the drum line in the first half of the second verse, Arkady singing Sana’s part of the vocals to illustrate her point.

“Am I late?” Sana joked, throwing Arkady an amused glance. “Sorry, I didn’t realise practice was starting early.”

“The cool kids show up to practice a half hour early to go over new drum lines,” Arkady deadpanned, and Liu laughed. Sana smiled as she brought out her guitar.

“What you were playing just then sounded really good – can you go over it again?”

The conversation with Liu didn’t magically fix everything between them, but the tension eased up significantly after that, and it became easier for Arkady and Liu to come to a compromise whenever they disagreed. The album started to come together much more quickly, and when Red Gregor stopped by (which he did a lot more than he strictly needed to as the head of their record label, and Arkady suspected he was mostly there to see Sana), he was full of praise for the new arrangements.

It also somehow became a habit for Arkady to start showing up early to rehearsal. She told herself it was because the line in the coffee shop was easier to deal with at that time, and it was true that at some point she’d bought enough coffee for both her and Violet to have Violet’s regular order memorised; but it also had something to do with the fact that more often than not, Violet would arrive while she was setting up, or vice versa, and they’d run through the parts that had been bugging them, each lending the other an honest and unjudgemental ear. Sometimes they’d play around with something new, or improvise, trying on new techniques and styles for size.

Arkady honestly hadn’t had this much fun experimenting with music since those first early, heady days with Sana, when they started to lay down exactly what kind of performers they wanted to be. It was different with Violet – they had a different relationship, a different vibe – but there was still something about their sessions that felt similar, like they were breaking new ground.

One day, Arkady had been messing around with a bass line that she couldn’t get out of her head – she’d been thinking of adding it to ‘The Carmen Gambit’, one of the band’s originals that Jeeter had helped write, but it didn’t really fit. She liked how it sounded on its own, though. Liu had been listening, head tilted to one side, which Arkady didn’t really think anything of until quietly, underneath the bass line, Violet started to add a drum part.

Arkady was startled, mostly by how well the two fit together; after a slight fumble, she carried on playing, improvising and adding a couple of variations to the bass line when she ran out of material. Liu smoothly changed up the rhythm of the drum line to match just a second later, and Arkady realised that they had something that almost sounded like… a real piece of music. Something organic, something that flowed and moved and changed with-

Crap. Arkady came to a stop at the end of a section as she realised she didn’t have any idea what to play next. “Uh…” She threw an apologetic glance in Violet’s direction. “I haven’t really figured out what comes after that.”

Violet nodded, not seeming put out by this. “What about…” She hummed the end section of the melody that Arkady had been playing, and then another phrase that almost mirrored it. “Actually, that part could come before the-”

“Right, right-” Arkady understood Violet’s meaning, and quickly picked up the tune on her bass.

The song (well, technically it was an instrumental) they were writing didn’t have a name for the first few days. Arkady and Violet would pick up where they left off each time they came to rehearsal, and would throw around ideas for additions and changes, discussing the overall sound and vibe, but it didn’t feel like there was a need to put a name to it.

Then in the middle of one of these discussions, Violet started scribbling something in a notebook, and Arkady realised she was writing down their song. She peered curiously at the letters and notes, and Violet grimaced self-consciously.

“I’m not sure if I’ve got all of the bass chords right,” she admitted, tilting the notebook so Arkady could see it better. “Feel free to correct any bits that are wrong, I was mostly trying to get the drum part down for my own benefit. My memory’s not as good as yours is.”

Arkady hesitated. She was tempted to lie and say the notation was fine; Violet would accept it, and it probably wouldn’t come up again. There was a time when she would have done it without a second’s thought. But Violet already knew that Arkady had dropped out of high school; knew bits and pieces of her background, if not the whole story; and Arkady had to admit that she’d been enjoying being herself more around Violet. She didn’t want to backtrack on that.

“I never really learned to read sheet music,” she admitted. “I can recognise a few chords, but… I mostly learned how to play from YouTube videos, so it always seemed easier to just watch someone else play the chords, and learn which ones went with which songs, and… for performances I always had to memorise stuff anyway, so, um.” Arkady was rambling, and Violet was staring at her, which was possibly not good. “There didn’t seem much point in having it written down.”

“So… you never had a bass teacher?” Violet said slowly. “All of your playing, your singing – it’s all self-taught?”

“Uh,” Arkady cringed. “Yes?”

“Wow,” Violet said, and Arkady suddenly realised that she was dumbfounded because she was impressed, not because she’d just realised she was playing with an amateur. “That’s… really impressive.”

Arkady fidgeted, uncomfortable with the pure admiration in Violet’s gaze. “It’s not really – I mean sure, I put in a lot of hours, but so does every musician,” she hedged. “It wasn’t anything special, I just – couldn’t afford to pay for classes.”

She braced herself for an awkward silence to follow, but instead Violet nodded. “No, you’re right, everyone has to put in the work if they want to improve,” she agreed. “But I imagine that it would be harder to motivate yourself when it’s just you and the instrument.”

Arkady shrugged her shoulder slightly. “It wasn’t so bad. It helped that I enjoyed it, I guess.” After the disaster that was her high school education, it had been a relief to find something she’d felt like she was good at – and wasn’t being assessed on.

Violet smiled, and mercifully changed the topic by looking down at the notation she’d scribbled and saying lightly, “Well, now that it’s been written down, it feels like we should give it a name.”

Arkady thought about it. “Anything that’s shorter than whatever the hell it is Jeeter and Krejjh are working on,” she said, because Jeeter had been waxing lyrical about the ‘epic space opera ballad’ that he’d been composing with his fiancé. Apparently it was about a race of fictional aliens, and some of the lyrics were in a made-up alien language that Jeeter had invented. Arkady had no idea why Jeeter had such a dedicated following among their fans for the weird shit that he came up with, but there you were.

Violet grinned, tapping her pen against the space above the lines and notations. “So, one word, then. It’s got a pretty futuristic sound… What about ‘Cyberpunk’?”

Arkady couldn’t help grimacing a little bit. “Yeah, too clichéd,” Violet agreed. “Maybe something themed around space… ‘Supernova’?”

They tossed around a few other ideas, but none of them quite seemed to fit the mood of the song. Violet frowned down at the music she’d written, and Arkady was about to suggest they come back to it later when she said, “This might sound like a weird association for a piece of music, but I was reading a paper the other day on nanotechnology, you know, technology used at the atomic and molecular level?”

“Sounds kind of dry for bedtime reading, but I’m with you,” Arkady said.

Violet laughed, blushing a little. “Yeah, a friend from my Masters sent it to me; I still like to keep up with new developments in the field, and there are fascinating implications for biology. But I’m thinking, what if none of the space names fit because they’re too big, too grand? What if instead we went really small, like… ‘Nanobot’?”

“Nanobot…” Arkady turned the name over in her mind, thinking about the quick, intricate rhythms of the song they were creating together. It was a surprisingly good fit, but something about it felt off. Something about the ‘bot’ part was too… lonely. “What about ‘Nanoswarm’?”

Violet’s eyes widened slightly and a smile spread across her face. “Nanoswarm,” she said, and wrote the song title in blocky capitals above their music. “I like it.”

Both Red Gregor and Campbell came to rehearsal that night, which Arkady took as a sign that they were there to discuss something Important. Their album, ‘Ghost Squid’, was selling more copies than any of them had expected, and had actually got them some interview requests from indie music blogs and magazines. This seemed to be partly down to Red Gregor, who apparently had enough of a reputation as a business investor that his decision to start up a record label had attracted a lot of interest, and consequently a lot of interest in the first band he’d signed to it. But they’d also had some great reviews, including from Radio, Indie, Folk and Techno (also known as RIFT), the go-to station for all things indie music, who had covered it on their ‘Rave Review Hour’.

There’d also been a noticeably bigger audience at most of their gigs. They’d had a modest but dedicated following before Violet had joined the band, and were regulars at a couple of underground venues where they pulled decent crowds, plus one bar where Arkady had managed not to piss off the owner (the other four were… long stories); a bunch of people also streamed their music from various parts of the world. But since Ghost Squid came out, they’d started playing at (and filling) much bigger venues across a much wider area. It was fun, but also a little surreal.

“What’s the good word, Campbell?” Krejjh asked, leaning on their keyboard. “Are you here to tell us how much the people love us?”

Campbell’s lips twitched in amusement. “They love you a whole lot,” he said. “More every day.”

Krejjh fist-pumped, and Arkady asked, “So, what are you guys here for? Is this about ‘Ghost Squid 2: Electric Boogaloo’?”

They’d had a discussion with Red Gregor about beginning work on a second album; this one would take longer, since they’d had plenty of existing songs to draw on for ‘Ghost Squid’, and hadn’t needed to put together any new material. But, as Gregor had pointed out, it was better to start thinking about that sooner rather than later, and they’d been working on a few new songs anyway. So far, the second album was still nameless, but they’d taken to calling it by a range of joke nicknames.

Red Gregor grinned. “Sort of, in the sense that it’ll be good promo,” he said. Spreading his hands out to either side like a showman introducing his next act, he said grandly, “I’ve landed you a gig at the CUI Stadium.”

Jeeter’s mouth dropped open, Krejjh flailed and exclaimed, “Holy moley!”, and Violet repeated, “Stadium?!” in an almost horrified tone. Even Sana seemed surprised by the news.

“You actually got it?” she asked Red Gregor, who nodded.

Arkady’s eyes narrowed. “Okay, what’s the catch?” she asked. “They don’t let just anyone play the CUI Stadium.”

“No catch,” Campbell promised them. “Red has some contacts who tipped him off that the CUI is looking for some new, lesser-known talent to put on its billing. Once upon a time, the CUI had a reputation for scouting the best undiscovered bands and giving them a bigger stage – literally – and they feel they’ve been losing their touch.”

Put like that, it did make a kind of sense. “Cool, so who are we supporting?” Jeeter asked. “Oooh, maybe it’s Hremreh.”

Hremreh was a weird electronic band that Jeeter and Krejjh were completely obsessed with. Arkady rolled her eyes. “I hope the CUI has more taste than that.”

“Excuse you, Hremreh is an underrated gem of a band,” Krejjh retorted.

“The Destroyer?” Violet suggested jokingly. “They’re local.”

Arkady knew from having spent time with Violet that The Destroyer was one of her favourite bands from college, whose gigs she’d religiously attended during her freshman year. Everyone else looked interested but bemused, and Violet hurriedly added, “Uh, that was a bit of a niche joke. I used to go to their gigs a lot in college.”

“All great guesses,” Red Gregor said, “but you’re all missing one important piece of information. You’ll be the headline act.”

“What?” said Arkady.

“Heck yeah!” Krejjh exclaimed, and high-fived Jeeter.

“So, someone will be supporting us?” Violet said a little faintly.

“Red, exactly how many strings did you pull?” Sana asked, sounding halfway between amused and disapproving. Red Gregor held up his hands.

“I just talked to my contacts, I promise,” he said. “It gave me a chance to put your name forward, but that was all I needed to do. You guys have a great sound; they’re excited to have you on.”

Everything dissolved into a flurry of noise and celebration. Jeeter played a celebratory tune on his keytar that Arkady was fairly sure was from some video game, Krejjh whooped and slid their hands up the keys of their keyboard, and Campbell picked up Sana and spun her around, both of them and Red Gregor laughing. Violet caught Arkady’s eye, grinned, and did a little roll on one of her cymbals. Arkady huffed and rolled her eyes, but she couldn’t fight the smile that was trying to emerge.

“So, when is the gig?” Sana asked, flushed and catching her breath, after Campbell had put her down.

“A month from today,” Red told them. Sana straightened up.

“Wow, okay, we need to get rehearsing! Everyone—”

They quickly got into position, picking up instruments and drumsticks and plugging in amplifiers. Sana beamed around at the assembled band members.

“I just want to say how proud I am of all of you for what we’ve accomplished so far, and everything that lies ahead of us. I-”

“Not to head you off at the pass,” Arkady interrupted, sensing a long Sana Monologue was coming, “but didn’t you say we needed to get rehearsing? Maybe save the speech for after?”

Most people would have taken offence at being interrupted, but Sana, being Sana, smiled at Arkady. “Thank you for the reminder, Arkady. I am proud of you all, but I’ll tell you exactly how proud once we’re done.”

Rehearsal went well, everyone energetic and buoyed up from the good news. As they were packing down afterwards, under the noise of Sana, Krejjh, Jeeter, Campbell and Gregor eagerly discussing where they could go out for drinks to celebrate, Violet said to Arkady,

“I forgot to tell you earlier, but I heard back from the journalist. Emily Craddock.”

Arkady fumbled the wire that she was looping around itself. “Yeah? What did she say?”

“She said that she thinks we have enough for a story. Even with the missing data,” Violet said.

She looked happy, but something in Arkady’s chest still clenched. It had been nearly four weeks since the fateful gig at IGR Corp, and so far, everything had been quiet. The band had been on high alert at all of their performances at first, not spending any more time than was necessary setting up or lingering on the stage, but there’d been no attempts at sabotage, no suspicious ‘fans’ trying to approach them after a set. (There had been a few real fans whom Arkady had cross-examined a bit too aggressively when they tried to get close to the band, but people seemed to actually find it funny and no-one got offended).

They figured that IGR Corp must not know about the files that Violet had managed to copy across; Seiders had been unconscious, after all, and it was possible that they hadn’t realised that Violet had made off with anything, or had downplayed the severity of the incident to the higher-ups. Arkady had, in spite of her misgivings, broken the encryption on the files for Violet, but she’d been secretly hoping that the data wouldn’t turn out to be useful, or that there wouldn’t be enough of it to do anything with.

She’d hoped that even after Violet told her that she’d found a tech journalist who was interested in taking a look at the files and potentially investigate the story. Of course Arkady was a fan of doing whatever they could to stick it to the corporates; she just wished there was a way to do it that wouldn’t involve Violet painting a huge target on her back.

“That’s… good,” Arkady managed, and even she could hear how unconvincing it sounded. Violet looked at her questioningly. “It’s just…” She tried to find a way to word things that wasn’t, ‘I’m afraid that you won’t be safe’. “Once the information is out there, IGR Corp is going to know who leaked it. What happens if they come after you?”

“By that point, they should have bigger things to worry about, if the evidence that Emily Craddock has found is as damning as she says it is,” Violet pointed out. “She’s been looking into that engineer that Seiders mentioned, Alvy Connors. It’s not really clear whether something… happened to him, or whether he just made a run for it, but he definitely disappeared. And it wasn’t that long after he started work on Project ADVANCE.”

As they talked, the other band members had been clearing equipment away and loading it into the van, until Violet and Arkady were the only ones left in the warehouse.

“I know there’s risk involved,” Violet said. “But I can’t just forget everything I’ve learned. And this is bigger than me – I have to do it for Alvy, too, and his family and friends, and everyone else who could be affected by Project ADVANCE. What IGR Corp is doing-”

“I know, I know,” Arkady said. “Don’t get me wrong, I think they deserve to have the cover blown right off their shitty, awful surveillance plan.”

“I’m going to talk to the Captain before I do anything,” Violet assured her. “I know this could affect the band, too. I just wanted to tell you first.”

Why? Arkady wanted to ask, but that would have taken the conversation down a road that Arkady was not prepared to go down. Either Violet would say something like, ‘Because we’re friends’, or ‘Because you’re my bandmate’, and Arkady would feel like a moron for having hoped for anything different. Or she wouldn’t, and that would be worse, because Arkady had no idea how to respond to Violet saying… Well, it didn’t matter, because it would never happen, anyway.

“Sana will tell you to go for it,” she said. “If it’s what you think is right, she’ll be behind you all the way.”

“And… you?” Violet asked quietly.

“I…”

Why was it so hard for Arkady to just say that she approved? Violet was a grown woman who could make her own decisions; she didn’t need Arkady second-guessing her. Violet didn’t even need Arkady to agree with what she was doing – she could just go and do it anyway. But the fact that she’d asked Arkady meant that she cared what Arkady thought… and that made Arkady want to be honest with her.

And honesty was terrifying.

The moment stretched out; Arkady composed and drafted half a dozen different versions of what she wanted to say in her head. ‘I just need you to be careful’ – ugh, that sounded like something Sana would say. Also, of course Violet was going to be careful; that didn’t mean there was no risk involved. ‘I trust you to make the right choice’ – vague, and it also made Arkady feel weird. ‘If they hurt you, they’ll wish they’d never been born’ – alarming, and probably too honest.

Arkady took a breath in, gathering her nerve – and then both of them jumped as the van horn beeped loudly from outside.

“Paging bandmates Liu and Patel!” Krejjh shouted. “Bandmates Liu and Patel to the Rumormobile, please!”

Violet laughed a little, as Arkady huffed, inwardly cursing her own goddamn indecision. She’d spent so long trying to figure out what to say that she’d lost the chance to say anything.

“I guess we shouldn’t keep them waiting,” Violet said, slanting a small smile in Arkady’s direction.

“I trust you,” Arkady found herself saying, almost without meaning to. Violet looked puzzled, and Arkady scrambled to clarify. “Uh, that is – if you think this is the right thing to do. Then, you should… do it. Just…”

She still couldn’t say it, but Violet’s smile widened, her eyes softening like she knew what Arkady was trying (and failing) to tell her. “I’ll be careful,” she promised.