#like what possessed me at 3am to decide to do something worth 40% of my grade on something the school as a whole hated

[souperdupes]

So, as part of my language course, I had to give a speech in front of a bunch of teachers at my homophobic college, and me, being the rebel that I am, decided to do it on 'why aroace people deserve better representation'. The day arrived where I had to give it and I was so nervous because there were so many teachers and I was definitely not prepared. I said it and when I was done they were all silent. No questions, no claps, no nothing. Until the deputy head just said "see, they get it"

And that's how I found out that the deputy of a majorly homophobic college was, in fact, an aroace.

[wordtotherose]

100 Ways To Say I Love You - Halfway Point Masterpost

Here’s your easy to use masterpost for all 50 fanfics so far in the series. More under the cut!

1. Pull Over, Let Me Drive For A While

Magnus and Alec are driving in the car. Fluffiness ensues. - By Essiee

2. It Reminded Me Of You

Alec's eyes are a gorgeous shade of blue and it's something Magnus loves. - By Essiee

3. No, No, It’s My Treat

Alec takes Magnus on a coffee date. - By Guardian_Rose

4. Come Here. Let Me Fix It

Alec's bow is broken in a hunt and Magnus is there to help. - By Essiee

5. I’ll Walk You Home

Alec doesn't like the thought of leaving his boyfriend to walk home on his own. - By Guardian_Rose

6. Have A Good Day At Work

Alec leaves a note for Magnus - By Guardian_Rose

7. I Dreamt Of You Last Night

Alec dreams of Magnus and they are sappy romantics. - By Guardian_Rose

8. Take My Seat

Alec goes to visit Magnus's loft after training. - By Guardian_Rose

9. I Saved A Piece For You

Isabelle makes a cake and Alec decides it is time for Magnus to be introduced to his sister's cooking. -  By Guardian_Rose

10. I’m Sorry For Your Loss

Magnus wakes up to find Alec and his mother arguing in the loft's living room. He gets protective. -  By Guardian_Rose

11. You Can Have Half

Alec gets drunk and misses Magnus so he just lets himself into the Warlock's loft. -  By Guardian_Rose

12. Take My Jacket, It’s Cold Outside

Magnus and Alec fight after a disastrous dinner date. -  By Guardian_Rose

13. Sorry I’m Late

Magnus gets caught up in his thoughts while doing his makeup and ends up late for his date with Alec. -  By Essiee

14. Can I Have This Dance

Magnus and Alec go dancing and share a quiet moment together. -  By Essiee

15. I Made Your Favourite

Magnus picks Alec and Isabelle from the Institute to portal them to the loft for a movie night with the rest of the shadowhunters/downworlders. Fluff ensues.

Mentions of a previous fic but all you need to know is that they had a fight and have made up. -  By Guardian_Rose

16. It’s Okay, I Couldn’t Sleep Anyway

Magnus is lost in his thoughts instead of sleeping when he gets a phone call from Alec. -  By Essiee

17. Watch Your Step

It's far too early for Alec to be awake and Magnus knows it. -  By Guardian_Rose

18. Here, Drink This. You’ll Feel Better

Alec is injured in a battle and Magnus gets quite protective before feeling guilty over not keeping his boyfriend completely safe from harm.

Happy ending with pancakes! -  By Guardian_Rose

19. Can I Hold Your Hand

Alec waits while Magnus and Catarina argue in the living room. At 3am.

It's not the way Alec was hoping his day would start if he was being honest.  -  By Guardian_Rose

20. You Can Borrow Mine

Magnus gets a little (I swear, only a little) jealous when someone starts flirting with Alec at one of his parties.

Also including cute drunk Simon and secretly sappy Raphael. -  By Guardian_Rose

21. You Might Like This

Alec gives Magnus a present. -  By Guardian_Rose

22. It’s Not Heavy, I’m Stronger Than I Look

Alec doesn't know what to get Magnus and Isabelle has to persuade him to believe in his choices. After all, for Magnus anything from Alec is special. -  By Guardian_Rose

23. I’ll Wait

Alec goes over to Magnus's loft for a movie date only to find a young werewolf generally being a nuisance.  -  By Guardian_Rose

24. Just Because

Alec needs Jace to cover for his absence whilst he goes with Magnus to adopt another cat. -  By Guardian_Rose

25. Look Both Ways

“Uh, hello.” Alec mumbled, wincing at the hoarseness of his voice; he hadn’t spoken for quite a while as there had been no need. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Hello, who is this?”

Whoever was on the other side giggled, Alec raised an eyebrow as he heard shuffling before someone answered.

“Hi Alec!”

“Max? Whose phone are you using?” Alec asked, concerned but not overly worried as if something was wrong then Max wouldn't be giggling. -  By Guardian_Rose

26. I’m Sorry. I Didn’t Mean To

Alec was clearly exhausted and Magnus was worried that he hadn't been sleeping enough and he was also worried about why.

“Yeah, that sounds good.” Alec murmured but didn't make any move to untangle himself from the warlock.

“Do you need to tell anyone where you’re going?” Magnus leaned back, putting a small amount of distance between him and his boyfriend in order to meet his eyes. -  By Guardian_Rose

27. Try Some

He was surprised when he saw Magnus looking at Alec with something akin to awe and unadulterated affection. He flushed hotly but made himself maintain eye contact, raising his eyebrow questioningly.

“So?” He queried when Magnus didn't say anything. -  By Guardian_Rose

28. Drive Safely 

Magnus liked Jace, he truly did. He was a Herondale through and through, reminding him of his old friend Will Herondale on more than one occasion but in a way he had the same undying loyalty and resolve that the other Lightwood siblings possessed in abundance. Okay, so sometimes he grated on Magnus’s nerves more than the others and yes, Magnus was known to be what could be considered rude to the Nephilim but deep down he felt the same affection and mutual respect that he held for the other Shadowhunter’s of the group. -  By Guardian_Rose

29. Well, What Do You Want To Do

He heard more than saw Magnus move to kneel in front of him, felt his gaze, heard his breathing and the rustle of his clothes. The warlock put a hand over Alec’s to stop him fidgeting. He could see the matching bracelet on the tan wrist and felt the tears push even harder to fall. Then they were and Alec didn't know what to do.

“Alec.” -  By Guardian_Rose

30. One More Chapter

4 times Magnus has to interrupt Alec reading and one time he doesn’t.

Magnus learnt fairly early on in the relationship that Alec liked reading. He discovered this when the younger man would ransack his shelves and curl up on one end of the couch giving Magnus plenty of time to work; both of them simply enjoying each other’s company and presence. -  By Guardian_Rose

31. Don’t Worry About Me

Magnus and Alec are getting drinks when Alec is hit on by a random stranger. -  By Guardian_Rose

32. It Looks Good On You

Magnus had never seen Alec drunk before but it was worth waiting for. He's even more adorable when tipsy and talking about odd socks. -  By Guardian_Rose

33. Close Your Eyes And Hold Out Your Hands

For this prompt:

I love stories about Magnus being able to use a Seraph blade because his father is a fallen angel. This way Alec finds out about Magnus's father and Magnus is afraid he will judge him for it. Maybe Jace sees it, too. There are barely any fics in which Jace is actually nice to Magnus :P -  By Guardian_Rose

34. That’s Okay, I Bought Two

Direct continuation from 31 of this series but can be read seperately.

From the prompt:

Confused hungover Alec in the morning be looking at his hand like... "Mags... Mags, wake up, did you propose when I was so drunk I don't even remember?" And they decide that it will be a promise ring because hell, they actually both seem way too enthusiastic about the idea but they really probably shouldn't be so serious after less than a year or so. -  By Guardian_Rose

35. After You

Magnus kept going for a few steps without noticing before having to backtrack; he moved to stand in front of Alec and the shadowhunter wrapped his arms around the other man’s waist, dropping his head onto his shoulder. Raphael, however, stopped immediately and grabbed Simon’s hand, a soft expression on his face that Alec hadn't expected. Magnus hummed curiously at the picture before them.

“What else happened? You’re hiding something, Si.” -  By Guardian_Rose

36. We’ll Figure It Out

Magnus and Alec have an argument the night before Alec leaves for Idris.

---- “Hi.” Alec’s voice came through at last, he sounded as sleep-deprived as Magnus felt. It made him feel a little better but then even worse when he realised how relieved he was that his boyfriend couldn't sleep either.

“You haven’t been sleeping.” Was not what he should have said. Magnus was not off to a good start. -  By Guardian_Rose

37. Can I Kiss You?

Magnus is worried beyond belief when Alec hangs up without an explanation and Alec has to apologise as best he can when he realises. -  By Guardian_Rose

38. I Like Your Laugh

“Alexander, you’ve been washing that mug for almost five minutes. What’s wrong?” Magnus asked quietly, wrapping his arms around Alec’s middle from behind and resting his chin on Alec’s shoulder.

“Do you think they like me?”

“Who, darling?”

“Ragnor and Catarina." -  By Guardian_Rose

39. Don’t Cry

It took all of his conscious energy and will to keep his eyes open, to not let himself drift off into sleep because if he did, the chances of him waking up were beyond slim. Magnus would be there soon. He would. Jace would be able to track him using their bond now that Alec had been thrown back onto land. -  By Guardian_Rose

40. I Made This For You

“I made this for you.”

Magnus stepped away from Alec’s desk and lay down lengthways on the Head of the Institute’s couch, working on keeping his proud smirk from slipping into one of those soft, affectionate smiles that Alec would point out and tease him about, not that Magnus nor Alec minded. -  By Guardian_Rose

41. Go Back To Sleep

“Does it hurt that much?” Magnus asked, not waiting for an answer before sparking up his healing magic and sending wave after wave of warmth and care to soothe Alec’s headache.

“I wanted to pause the show so you didn’t miss any.” Alec said instead of answering. -  By Guardian_Rose

42. Is This Okay?

“You know, most of the time I love that you have an uncanny knowledge of what I’m thinking. But right now isn’t one of them, darling. If you can hold on, I can make one with one hand.”

“Ah right, if Jace or Izzy laughs at you then I will glare over your shoulder.”

“Teamwork at its finest. Aren’t we a power couple, Alexander.”

(Magnus' POV of 39. Don't Cry, as requested by RandomPerson) -  By Guardian_Rose

43. I Picked These For You

“They’re beautiful, Alexander. Though now I’m worried I’ve missed a special occasion.” Magnus lifted his gaze to meet Alec’s, who was relieved to see the bright smile that lit up his boyfriend’s face; the one that always had a hint of surprise from receiving a gift. It was one of Alec’s favourites.

“There isn’t an occasion, I just thought that they were beautiful, like you." -  By Guardian_Rose

44. I’ll Drive You To The Hospital

“There’s been another surge.”

Alec looked up from his desk as Magnus practically fell back against the now closed office door.

“I’m fine, Alexander. It wasn’t here.” Magnus smiled reassuringly at him and Alec let out a sigh of relief as the warlock linked their fingers together. “It was at the hospital." -  By Guardian_Rose

45. What Do You Want To Watch

Something's preying on Magnus' mind and Alec hasn't a clue what it is, not that that's going to stop him from trying to keep them both afloat. -  By Guardian_Rose

46. You Can Go First

There was ichor and blood dripping onto his kitchen floor. Their kitchen floor. Right now, very clearly belonging to both of them as Alec dropped his bow onto the kitchen table. A splitting headache was starting up behind his eyes and he really wished that tonight had been movie night and not patrol night. Sadly, his luck was faltering as of late. -  By Guardian_Rose

47. Did You Get My Letter?

It had been eight days since Magnus had received a letter, through means that Alec was not entirely sure about, and left that evening through a portal with only a promise to be back before their anniversary weekend. A month away. Alec wasn’t entirely sure he was coping with it. Izzy was very sure he wasn’t and Jace had blinked at him for a silent minute when he’d finally admitted that he was taking this whole thing a little harder than he’d realised. -  By Guardian_Rose

48. I’ll Do It For You

Magnus knows that he should stay where he is, that the work he's doing is extremely important and that it could change not just his friends' lives but also his own in monumental ways. But surely he could take a break to check in on whatever was happening at the Institute? For a few minutes?  -  By Guardian_Rose

49. Call Me When You Get Home

Magnus was already awake but had yet to show any signs of trying to leave, he was tracing over the runes on Alec’s back. His fingers warm and sure, but not asking for anything more. He didn’t seem to know that Alec was also awake. When would he next get to see Magnus? Next get to hear his laugh, kiss him until he couldn’t stop smiling like he had the night before, next get a full night’s rest beside him? -  By Guardian_Rose

50. I Think You’re Beautiful

“What’s up is that I’ve called all three of you Lightwoods numerous times, I’ve searched the whole Institute, I checked my apartment and it took calling Raphael to ask if he knew if Simon was with you to finally find out that you left on patrol hours ago! And now, it’s you picking up my boyfriend’s phone not him, so excuse me for wanting to know what’s going on.”

There was a moment of silence wherein Magnus listened to nothing but his own harsh breathing. Jace had moved far enough away so that the club couldn’t even be heard. Magnus dug his fingers into the edge of the desk to stop from doing something stupid like hanging up before he knew where they were when a sudden low whistle made him jump slightly.

“That was impressive, Magnus, didn’t think you had that in you.”

“Then you don’t know me very well.” He snapped. “Where are you? Is Alec okay?”

***

It's Magnus and Alec's anniversary at last, the long awaited day of Magnus' return. But it isn't the happy reunion either of them had longed for. -  By Guardian_Rose

[w0nderlandkids]

it’s 3am and i’m crying in bed because i just saw an instagram post of a girl i never liked hugging my ex. they’re from the same hometown and we’re friends long before he and i got together and she ended up going to my college and from the moment i met her i did not like her. i liked her even less when i started dating my ex and found out they were friends.

now here’s the kicker: we all know he broke up with me because he had “lost feelings” for me a few weeks prior. but looking back, there are so many signs that point to him cheating. he told me “you have to believe there’s no one else, you believe that, right?” and i simply responded with “i want to, but i can’t.” so him insisting there was no one else and my inability to believe it? BOOM, red flag. my best friend made an (albeit kinda harsh) comment about how he (my then bf) was gonna sleep with someone else. when i mentioned this comment to him, he FLIPPED the fuck out. and i mean he was double, triple, quadruple texting me telling me to get out of there and call him so he could yell at me (mind you i had been drinking so i wasn’t in a normal state). any normal boyfriend would be like “don’t listen to him, i’d never do that” but nooooo he was yelling at me and when he did call me we were on the phone for 40 minutes while he was yelling at me for having shitty friends. so, over the top aggressive reaction to what should’ve been a stupid comment? RED FLAG. the defensiveness towards said comment and then berrading me and yelling at me? RED FLAG RED FLAG. for a while even before that comment was made he had stopped texting me as often. stopped using pet names with me. stopped asking me how i was doing. he got silent every time i brought up anything about our relationship. lack of communication? R E D F L A G. he never asked me to go to parties with him, he’d just drunkenly text me and snapchat me at 1 in the morning. lack of including me to his social events? UH HELLO BRIGHT RED FLAG WAVING.

but i wasn’t prepared for those red flags so i didn’t see it. as a person who has been in unfortunately many toxic relationships and a sexual assault survivor, im on the lookout for more abusive red flags. i’m on the lookout for red flags that have to deal with possessiveness and coercion and being taken advantage of. i wasn’t on the lookout for red flags that the guy i was so madly in love with could be cheating.

i never asked him. i asked him why he stayed with me when he didn’t feel the same. i asked him why he led me on. because i didn’t think it was true, i didn’t want to think it was true.

but now, all i want to ask him is why. why wasn’t i enough? why did he feel like he had to either kiss or sleep with another girl? why did he lie to me? why did he say he loved me if he stopped meaning it? WHY WASNT I ENOUGH? was it easy? the fact that we didn’t go to the same school? the fact that we spent the entire summer apart because we were 320 miles apart? did that make it easy? because i was so far away i wouldn’t be able to find out? i just want to know. i want clarification. i want peace of mind. yeah it’ll fucking klll me if i find out it’s true. and it’ll hurt and i’ll always wonder why the fuck i wasn’t enough after i was told i was everything and i was the kind of girl you could see yourself settling down with. but at least i’ll know.

and i have half a mind of asking him. but i made a promise to myself that i wouldn’t put any energy in reaching out to him anymore in 2018. that i’d let him come to me if he ever decides to. and that’s just how it’s gonna be. if he wants to reach out to me he can and i’ll talk to him and ask him why he did this to me. and if he even feels bad about it.

i didn’t write this for the notes frankly i don’t care if anyone reads this. i wrote it because now it’s 3:21 and i can barely see my screen through my tears. i wrote this because i saw the picture and suddenly my wall that i spend the past 3 and a half months building came crashing down and all my emotions flooded out. i wrote this because if i didn’t put the words in my head out into written words i would drive myself insane. i wrote it because i’m hoping one day i can realize that this is temporary. he was temporary and i was temporary to him. i am more than enough but he was too immature and stupid to realize. and i hope one day he realizes what and who he lost and i hope that one day i can look him in the eye with the most genuine smile and happiness and say “you had your chance, but you decided i wasn’t enough, and i hope she was worth it”

in the end i still wish him true love and happiness and his fairy tale ending. with whoever it is. and i hope that whoever it is is more than enough for him and he doesn’t feel like he needs to find something more somewhere else.

do i miss him? every day of my life. do i love him. i meant it when i told him i’d never stop. but he made his choice and i’m making mine. yes it hurts me like nothing else. but it’s been 3 and a half months. we don’t talk. i don’t exist to him anymore. our past is just another story i’ll tell my kids when they ask me about my growing up. he’s just another lesson learned.

maybe one day our paths will cross. if they do, i pray that that version of me has the strength to make the right choice- whatever it may be.

TLDR; i’ve grown and i still have a lot of growing left to do in regards to dealing with this relationship and it’s aftermath. he clearly hasn’t grown. and while shit hurts, they’re just growing pains. and this too shall pass.