#like what does he think will happen when he cuts off all my medical support

[chadepitanga]

The way abusive people will suck the light right out of you

[thelonelyempath]

M!Crush x F!Reader: Stressed Out

THEME: Fluff, teensy bit of Angst

WARNING(s): Fainting, Medical Scare

"Hey, beautiful." your boyfriend greeted you as you walked into the bedroom. "Oh, baby, you don't look too good. You okay?"

He noted how little energy you had when you set your stuff down. Your hair was flat. Your eyes were sunken in. You'd been extremely stressed about a lot of things and the stress was making you physically ill.

"Yeah I'm fine."

"Babe," C/N walked over to you and wrapped his arms around you. "don't lie to me. I'm not trying to sound like an asshole, but you're looking rough. Are you sure everything's okay?"

"Yeah I'm just stressed." you said nonchalantly.

"Aw I'm sorry. Do you want to talk about it?"

You really didn't. You didn't have the energy to talk about anything right now. You simply shook your head before resting it on your boyfriend's chest.

"Alright..." he put a kiss on your forehead. "but remember I'll be here to listen when you're ready to talk about it."

"Mhm."

C/N holding you felt great, but you were starting to feel a little woozy. It felt like the room was spinning. Your feet were starting to feel like they couldn't support your legs. Then everything went black.

Crush's POV

"Shit!" I yelled as I felt her go limp in my arms. "Baby? Baby, can you hear me?"

She was unresponsive. In a panic I scooped her up in my arms and carried her to the bedroom. I set her down on the bed. I put a pillow under her feet to keep them elevated.

"Come on, Y/N..." I softly pleaded, feeling a tear well up in my eye. "Wake up...please..."

I knew she had been stressed about work, but I didn't think she was stressed enough to pass out on me. I took her hand in mine and gently squeezed it. For good measure, I checked her wrist for a pulse. Luckily I was able to find it. A few minutes later, I saw her eyes flicker open. Thank god for that.

Your POV

You were confused. You didn't know what in the world just happened. C/N was holding your hand, a relieved smile plastered across his face.

"Hey, baby." he softly said. "You just fainted."

He handed you his water bottle, prompting you to drink from it. You did so, your mind slowly coming to with your body.

"You gave me quite the scare, my love." he gently caressed your cheek with his other hand. "When I felt you go limp, I honestly thought the worst. I thought you were gone. You have no idea how happy I am that you're okay."

He raised your hand up to his lips and sweetly kissed the back of it. He helped you to sit up. You felt kind of guilty about scaring him. The poor man thought he had lost you.

"I'm sorry." you weakly apologized. "I didn't mean-"

"No." he cut you off. "None of that. Don't you dare be sorry. Sweetheart, this is not your fault. Work clearly has you stressed out of your skull. Let's just relax tonight. We can watch a movie and cuddle on the couch. Maybe while we're cuddling you can tell me all about what's got you so stressed out. Does that sound good?"

You nodded. God, he was so sweet to you.

"Okay." he paused to kiss you. "Let me take care of you tonight. I love you."

"I love you too."

[ghostlyerlkonig]

Why "gently anti nostalgia"? It is telling you it's bad, you say that too.

Because it isn't condemning the act of reminiscing and enjoying things you once did. There's nothing wrong with that. The Pink Opaque is more a metaphor for transition itself and what happens to it when you put it off forever. It begins to feel silly, like something of youth, unobtainable in the way that it once was. It felt that way for me at 17, 18, 19, and 20.

The way I referred to it in line with how Jane has talked about Buffy specifically; about a show being a refuge from the world and yourself, is not the same as being anti nostalgia. Nostalgia IS something used by white supremacists and should be looked at warily in the cases of "this old art is so much more beautiful than disgusting modern blobs" or "back in my day" rhetoric, or the use of mythology and old world religions by a TON of supremacy groups across the globe, Nazis are the big one (see Wagner's Ride of the Valkyries) but every continent has one.

Here it's more about returning to something that was comfortable once because of what it did for you and finding it is does not help anymore.

It's like you have a cut on your upper arm. You bandage the cut but it gets worse and worse and worse. You keep bandaging the cut. But eventually, it turns black under all those bandages and you know when you unravel those bandages, your arm will fall off. So you don't. Maybe you peek, you see the black gangrene-ruined skin, a yellowed bone that you should never see with your eyes, and you wrap it up again. Your arm is already lost. You lost it. Accepting that will give you other options. But it's lost. Leaving the bandages on risks the rest of you too. But that w9uld mean facing what you've done to yourself.

Watching shows that helped me feel less alone as a queer person that I loved and still love and still do rewatch, was nothing compared to how I feel now, medically transitioning, or how I felt finally making meaningful friendships with queer people who understand and support me as I understand and support them. I bonded over some of this media with them, but the media is not my friend. It cannot love me.

The Pink Opaque did not love Owen. It did not support him in a way that got him to the place he ultimately needs to go (transition) the same way supernatural or lotr didn't get me to transition, I did. I made that choice. Maddy is who gets Owen to think. They connect via who they are meant to be, yes that is through the show, but the show only goes so far. It's Maddy's physical hand drawing that tattoo on Owen. Other trans people were who made me push myself. I am eternally grateful to them for it too.

[double-0h-no]

Full Disclosure

This is my prompt fill for "kept secret" from the whump table, and 777 from the word count table, my personal nemesis this week.

Boy this was a bother. I don't know how the rest does it, landing on an exact word count, especially one below 1k. If brevity truly is the soul of wit, there's bad news for me. Huge thanks to @l219tj for supporting me so much, I don't think this would have gotten anywhere if you hadn't let me rant at you for lines on end. I hope you enjoy some domestic angst and finally some 00Q from my side.

CW this time around for vague discussions of medical issues, just to be on the safe side.

on ao3

A letter Q couldn't wait to open until he really was alone with no chance of James coming in starts a conversation Q would have wanted to avoid altogether.

"And you didn't think it prudent to tell me?"

Q didn't dare to meet James' eyes, so instead his gaze rested on the opened letter on their dining table.

"Do you know what I'd been telling myself these last weeks?", James went on. "I was so convinced you were either cheating on me, or selling off some blueprints, or following a lead on your own because M had told you to drop it, and a hundred more things, and at the same time I knew you wouldn't.

"Because I bloody know you, and you've never... You wouldn't do that to me."

And now he had, and there was no taking it back. Q knew he should have handled it better, knew that it was the one thing not to do with James. Keeping secrets. He swallowed harshly, but set his jaw.

"Did you really think you'd get away with it? Not telling me?"

And that rubbed Q the wrong way. "Get away with - James, I wasn't trying to - Of course I would have told you! If there was something to tell. But according to this letter," he grabbed it and held it up, "there isn't."

"Q, this is a gene test. I happen to know that this is one of the last resorts any doctor takes. They will take three MRIs before they do that. So for how long has this been going on?"

"Going - You make it sound like did have an affair!"

"Well, you do have an ex in Medical," James said dryly, and Q slammed the letter back down on the table.

"Are you serious right now?! I've been to - I don't even know any more how many appointments, and how many different specialists, and you seriously wanna call names now?!"

"And how am I supposed to know that?!" James matched his volume. "How am I supposed to know to how many specialists you've been?! I don't even know why you had a need to see them!"

"Well, good thing those tests came back negative, then, because it really can't be all that serious!"

James threw his hands in the air and started pacing. "Yes, just spiffing, because what I'm so concerned about right now is what the doctors say, or that you haven't told me!"

"What is your problem, then?!" A sudden movement followed by a loud clonk made Q realize that this time, he had shouted - and spooked Velma, who'd dashed to the safety of the cat tree. He took a deep breath to steady his nerves. Truth be told, he was beyond relieved that the test had come back negative, and all he wanted to do was cry with relief and ride out the endorphins, but now he was here, stuck in a fight with James because - well, because he'd fucked up.

"I'm sorry, James, I..." He took another deep breath. "When this first started, you were on a mission, and by the time you'd returned, Medical had jumped the first scare on me, and I... I both didn't want it to be true, and I didn't want you to worry for nothing. And it looks like it truly is nothing." When James didn't answer for several seconds, Q looked back up at him, but couldn't read the expression at all.

"I don't care about that right now, I -" James interrupted himself again and stared at him in utter disbelief. "How hard is it for you to believe that I might be worried about you?"

"Worried? James, those results are negative, there's no-"

"Is it gone?", James cut him off. "Whatever made you go to Medical in the first place. All those tests came back negative and we know that all that means is that Medical hasn't found a cause, not that you are alright. Because unless you are, yes, I am bloody worried."

Of course he wasn't. The test result had felt like a victory, as if this declared him healthy and all evil would fall away. But James was right. This only meant he still didn't know the cause.

"I'm sorry," he said. "Both for not telling you, and for snapping."

To his surprise, James snorted. "How often have I tried to hide an injury from you? I'm rather sure it was Bates who told you about the knee surgery. I'm still angry about this, but darling, it's... not the number one priority here. So. Do you want to tell me what's been going on?"

Q sighed, pushed his glasses up to rub his eyes and gestured vaguely at the sofa. "Alright. Let's sit down, I'll fetch some tea, and I'll tell you the whole story from the start."

[happilyfeatherafter]

Happilyfeatherafter’s ficrec Fridays

Back back back again, and I don't know guys, I think we should all just totally stab Caesar! Welcome back to a new fortnight of fics that I’ve read and loved recently.

If you want to find more you can see my previous rec lists here!

15 March 2024

Are You Writing From the Heart? by  @luckshiptoshore is now complete!! Congrats Luck! Full disclosure, Luck is one of my very best friends, but that just means I know not only how much of a talented fic writer she is, but also how much of her heart and soul she poured into writing this love letter to queer storytelling, season 4 Destiel as a romcom, meta text (and subtext), and finding out who you really are when society and your upbringing is fighting against you. Castiel is a ghostwriter for L.S. Shore's Supernatural novels about Neal and his brother. Caught in a storytelling rut, Cas finds himself adding the fallen angel character of Bel...what could possible go wrong? Meanwhile at his local writing coffee shop spot, he meets the handsome stranger Dean who is an up and coming standup comedian and Supernatural fanboy. They because firm friends, but that's definitely it because Cas is straight....right?! Following these two dummies as they FAIL TO USE THEIR WORDS is a total joy, as Luck's humorous and emotional writing paired with her eye for detail is so very on point, and I'm so excited more people will finally get to read this story in full.

Baker Six by komodobits because !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cannot tell you how goddamn excited I was to get this email notification and finally be back in 91w world, and to witness these early stages of Dean and Cas' relationship through Dean's eyes at last. This barely needs a rec because it's THEE 91w Dean, but komodobits hasn't missed a beat in getting back inside their heads and I was once again swept away by this iconic love story against the odds. Head the trigger warnings as always, this is truly on the front lines as a medic in a war zone. Baker Six was written for the very good cause of the fandom Palestine fundraiser, in support of the Palestine Children’s Relief Fund. Please donate if you can!

Truth & despair by @shallowseeker was a recent discovery and such a fascinating read! It's set in a post-15x18 verse, but importantly it features a fun Sam narrative perspective that delights in his lens by...being a bit of an unsympathetic oblivious dummy (affectionate). I really appreciate a crunchy Sam characterisation and oooboy does this pay off. Dean is steeped in his grief for Cas, and Sam is oh so concerned. He reaches out to Mia Vallens to understand his own grieving, and that leads to him making a discovery...Dean's memories of Cas' death aren't what he claims happened. With the unwelcome reappearance of Chuck (he lost...didn't he?) and LITERAL sinkholes appearing in the fabric of the universe, can they figure out what's happening to save Cas and save the world? This wip plays with physics, theology and narrative fuckery in such intriguing ways. I can't wait to see how it wraps up in the next two chapters.

The Leap by @friendofcarlotta started reading this one when Tina reshared it on Leap Day...because of course. I'd actually read it before but it more than lived up to the reread. 'Castiel Krushnic is a police officer in Soviet-occupied East Berlin. He is also gay, in a city where that’s a dangerous thing to be. One night, he meets Dean Winchester, a mechanic from the American sector. Their mutual attraction is instant, and a convenient hookup quickly turns into a passionate love affair that defies all rules and expectations.' Meticulously researched, emotional, heartrending and thought provoking. I highly recommend taking the leap on this fic!

See you in two weeks and OMG it's @deancaspinefest time!!!! I'm so excited *clears calendar*

Tag list under the cut - let me know if you'd like to be added to be notified of future recs!

@dean-you-assbutt-cas-loves-you

[phosphostar]

Could you make hc for the mouthwashing crew (minus Jdiddy) if they had actually been saved and made it back to earth after the crash? Like what life would be like for them? PLS PLS I JUST WANT A HAPPY ENDING FOR THM😭

LMFAO OF COURSE I CAN!!!!!!

return velocity

what if the crew (anya, daisuke, curly, swansea) made it back after the events of mouthwashing..?

cw: uhhh none really? except for what’s under the cut! tell me if i missed anything <3

𝐝𝐚𝐢𝐬𝐮𝐤𝐞

oh my sweet summer boy.

he made it out with uhm

let’s just say a whole bunch of scars

his mom, was obviously worried. horrified. her baby.. hurt?? because of her? her heart is broken

but daisuke’s like “nono it’s okay!! i got a cool scar to show off to the ladies!!”

she just facepalms

i also hc daisuke never really learned how to drive. was too worried about partying. so swansea had to drive him and anya to their respective houses (i’ll get to why curly wasn’t there in a moment)

his parents meet anya and swansea

they are so happy they met swansea. this man taught our son? he’s gonna do great.

until daisuke goes back to yapping about video games. yeah so great.

they heavily thank anya though, for helping with saving daisuke after climbing into the vent. without her, he would’ve certainly died

basically daisuke finds his purpose (keeping cool in situations and dedicating his life to his friends)

𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐚

my poor baby anya

so we all know she struggled getting into medical school prior to the events in mouthwashing

in my mind daisuke’s parents helped pay for her medical school due to her basically saving his life

she goes to medical school, gets her necessary digress, and works in healthcare!!

ABORTS THE BABY.

SHE DOES NOT KEEP THE BABY.

becomes curly and swansea’s primary healthcare worker because she knew them best

really into gardening! helps take her mind off the ptsd of everything that happened

got a restraining order against j-diddy

gets a kitty named towellet. she loves the thing.

𝐬𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐚

oh my swansea. no one loves you the way i do.

obviously is so happy to see his wife

and his kids!! can’t forget about them

they’d be worried sick, obviously hearing about the news of the tulpar

he reassures them that he’s safe (obviously), and he’ll be able to retire!!

his wife is obviously excited

i hc his wife is already retired and his kids already have kids

peepaw swansea for the win <33

i also hc he adopted an old bulldog.

they watch soap operas together all day and snore on the couch super loudly

𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐥𝐲

…

surprisingly didn’t die??

also he wasn’t in swansea’s car because uhm.. he was airlifted to the hospital

his recovery is difficult, obviously

he has moments he’s not sure he’ll make it out alive, and wonders if he should even still be breathing

obviously loves when swansea, daisuke, and anya visit. he literally loves it

he was given a multitude of surgeries, including skin graphs from donors, so some parts have darker hair than others, he thinks it’s cool.

daisuke was also a good match for blood i hc!! anya, daisuke, and swansea now regularly donate blood and plasma <3

i hc curly got an emotion support/guide dog names ratchet

sweetest baby around and curly adores him

he has prosthetics for his limbs, and used to completely cover them, a mask on his face and his hood up to complete the look

now he’s more confident in himself, and will happily go without a mask and basketball shorts!!

he has a voice box, but is still getting used to it!

daisuke bleached all his hair and cut it off for curly to make him a wig

he dosent wear it much, but he keeps it in a safe space

he wears a much more comfortable hair system

daisuke made his out of love, not practicality

𝐩𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞

company goes belly up.

curly and everyone sues him. even j-diddy.

they all win

what more can i say

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥

they all still love hanging out, the 4 of them

goes to anya’s graduation

daisuke constantly draws for all of them

swansea fosters kittens

anya loves to bake treats for all of them

curly loves to spin his shoulder around to cause his prosthetic to spin in a complete circle

…

i’m so sorry

𝐣𝐢𝐦𝐦𝐲

well.

woah.

he had a hefty trial.

obviously found guilty

got beat up in prison

was released on good behavior 🖕

i don’t think anya ever truly forgave him, or anyone for that matter.

which like good?

but he does visit curly sometimes at his hospital room

and sends the whole crew birthday/holliday cards

(only sends them to anya after his restraining order is done)

got a pitbull named mikey. loves his baby

he’s trying to turn his life around

he’s definitely still not sane

has been admitted to a mental institution involuntarily a few times

is on heavy medication to regulate his mood

got a sleeve tattoo of stars representing the crew (with their permission). i think he has a full sleeve

(thank you @/curly-my-beloved for that idea!!)

definitely got some of daisuke’s doodles tatted on him

a few important dates

he’s trying to be better

still an ass tho

i still don’t like him

[changingplumbob]

Foster Household: Chapter 8, Part 6

Carson continues his appointment after which he and Kayleigh meet up with friends for dinner.

Low level content warning: discussions of anxiety disorder

Carson: I guess... the asthma has been harder than I thought

Dr H: How so

Carson: Well it seemed to just come out of nowhere. I’ve got this inhaler for asthma attacks but I don’t think I’ve had one yet. I still keep it on me, just in case. I get worried about what could set it off

Dr H: And how do you cope with that worry

Carson: Not well I guess. But I can look after myself. I have a whole cleaning routine for my room to keep it dust free

Dr H: Tell me about that

Carson begins to explain the process he does to clean his room, when he wakes up and after dinner, just to be safe.

Dr H: Can I ask, what would happen if you didn’t do this

Carson: Well there’d be dust and it would make me have an asthma attack which would probably hurt a lot if it didn’t kill me

Dr H: Okay. Now when you’re outside of your room, how do you feel about the asthma triggers then

Carson: Home isn’t too bad, mum makes sure it’s vacuumed for me. And most of the places at school are okay, at least first thing. Mrs Tinker, my teacher, told me that cleaners come every night at 6. They wipe everything down and vacuum. But by the end of the school day I get worried about the dead skin in the air though. Like how much will actually end up in my lungs

The conversation continues with Dr Hanks asking more about Carson’s routines and his worries. Kayleigh sits through as best she can, trying only to say things when she’s asked, or if Carson looks to her for support. She’s a bit shocked to learn how much he actually does to try avoid asthma attacks, not all of them logical choices. All her kids have tended to be academically gifted so when she hears Carson is doing things that would have no actual impact on an asthma attack she does wonder where the behaviour has come from.

Dr H: Thanks for sharing all of that Carson. I know it’s not easy to talk to a stranger about inner thoughts

Carson: It’s tough. I just… I guess I don’t want to be worried about asthma attacks all the time

Dr H: Based on today it does appear that you have developed an anxiety disorder. In particular I believe you may have OCD. Do you know what that is?

Carson: It’s like when you need everything to be neat?

Dr H: For some. Those with OCD, obsessive compulsive disorder, often find themselves developing obsessions or compulsions which they use to manage their anxiety. While it may work in the short term, it’s not healthy in the long term

Carson: So I’m broken

Kayleigh: He didn’t say that honey

Dr H: I don’t think you’re broken. I think you just need some extra help, we all need extra help from time to time

Carson: Can you get rid of it

Dr H: Psychological conditions are complex. They’re not like a tumour which can be cut out. What we need to do instead is work on strategies which will help you cope with the anxiety in a safer way that does not interfere with your life as much, so that you can enjoy life. We have a few options to help. One, which I would highly recommend, is going to therapy

Dr H: Talking through the anxieties can often help minimise the danger they present, and lesson the compulsions. However if your mood is already off balance I would suggest also starting on some medication to get you in a better headspace before starting therapy. How does that sound

Carson: Yeah, I mean… if it’ll help

Dr H: Now these medications can have side effects, and will take time to build up. Your medical insurance should help with the cost of them though

Kayleigh: Cost doesn’t matter, whatever he needs

Dr H: *smiles* I shall refer you to a therapist then, and send a script to the pharmacy for you to collect. We should meet up again after you’ve done that for a while to see how it’s affecting you. Does that sound okay Carson?

Carson: Do I… do I need to tell people

Dr H: Entirely up to you, perhaps it’s one of the first things you could discuss with the therapist. Do you have any other questions for me

Carson: Mum?

Kayleigh: How long until he can see a therapist

Dr H: It will take some time to match Carson with someone who specialises in OCD, more and more sims are needing our services lately, but you should hear from someone with an appointment in the next few months

Carson: Why do I feel like I need a nap

Kayleigh: You’ve had a big day, exams and then Dr Hanks. Are you sure you still want to do dinner

Carson: Yeah but… I probably wont tell them much until I’ve seen the therapist

Kayleigh: We will need to tell your dad, but apart from him it’s your health. You choose who you do or don’t want to know

Carson: So Charlie and Keira and…. Reece don’t have to know

Kayleigh: Not if you don’t want them to honey

Carson: Thanks mum, seriously

For dinner Carson and Kayleigh head to the Sulani Restaurant built by EA ID: VeronicaDumm. Onyx is here with their mum Eliza, Bob has opted to stay home and watch Fergus since Harvey won’t be there. Darwin and William are also invited to celebrate surviving the exams.

Kayleigh: Can we have a table for six please

Server: Mrs Foster? Of course! If you follow me we have a lovely table up here with the best view of the ocean… and the kitchen

Darwin: So bro how’d it go

Carson: Well they concluded I’m alive

Onyx: always nice to know

Carson: The dude we saw was pretty nice

Kayleigh: He was. Very good listener

Eliza: That’s good, our kids deserve proper care

Darwin: Did he like totally shrink your head

Carson: Does my head look smaller than normal

Darwin: It’s not a great light

Carson: *laughs* It was actually not stereotypical

Jimin: What can I get you to eat

Kayleigh: Oh I would love some Kalua pork, is that on the menu?

Jimin: It certainly is Mrs Foster

Eliza: I know we’re in Sulani but I don’t know about pork

Jimin: The chef does a fantastic Island Vegetable Feast if that would be more to your taste

Eliza: Yes thank you

Carson: And we’ll all have nectar

Kayleigh: We will not. Eliza and I can drink but the rest of you 14 year olds get rootbeer floats

There’s general grumbling from the kids but can’t be bending nectar rules when at the table nearby is top prosecutor Aaron dining with cop Amabel. They’re just tying up the case against Liam, Aaron would not be stepping out on his wife I promise.

Darwin: Go back to what you were saying Carson

Carson: Oh yeah so I was totally expecting some long as couch and an old white man telling me to close my eyes and imagine my childhood

Kayleigh: *laughs* luckily we didn’t get that

Eliza: No couch or no old white guy

Carson: Both. He was maybe 30’s and black. He did have three couches, but they were all short, I wouldn’t be able to stretch out on one

Onyx: But what if you really needed a nap

William: Nap before you go Onyx

Onyx: Don’t confuse me with your logic

William: Did it help

Carson: Yes, it did. He thinks it would be good to go see a therapist for a bit

Darwin: Makes sense. Oh yes! Food! Finally!

The various drinks and dishes arrive and everyone seated has a moment as they get excited about the food.

Eliza: Maybe I shouldn’t eat it all. I’m sure Bob would like to taste some

William: Thanks for getting us all dinner Mrs Foster

Kayleigh: You’re very welcome William

Eliza: Have you heard how your exams went yet

Carson: I did well

Darwin: Me too which is weird because I didn’t study

William: No, you just copied everyone else’s work

Darwin: Po-tay-toe po-tah-toe

Onyx: I did good mother so a horse-

Eliza: Yes but Onyx you did just get detention

Darwin: Don’t blame them Mrs Pancakes, Mr A was being Mr Arse that day

Carson: He gave me detention to

Onyx: See mother I told you

Eliza: *sighs*

Darwin: I better get home or my mums will wonder if I got killed

Everyone thanks Kayleigh and begins to head home.

William: I told you you’d be fine in the appointment

Carson: Yeah, it definitely helped. And who knows, therapy could be good

William: Well if you can’t talk to them you can always talk to me

Carson: Thanks Will. Hey is this an okay light for a selfie

William: You look great

Carson: Knew it

Kayleigh: Harv, we’re home! Are you-

Harvey: I’m here, I’m here

Kayleigh: Oh you do not look good. Did you rest properly today

Harvey: Of course I did. But then my muscles got stiff so I thought I should have a swim

Kayleigh: *sighs* That’s not going to get you better

Harvey: No but you’re going to get me better *kisses cheek*

Kayleigh: Did you get my text? I didn’t want to call in case you were napping

Harvey: I did, OCD huh

Kayleigh: Yep. But he doesn’t want to tell anyone about it just now so no blabbing

Harvey: I won’t, I won’t. Thanks for taking him,  wish I could of but-

Kayleigh: But you’re sick and need to rest

Harvey: Yeah. I think I’m getting better though, it’s just rough

Kayleigh: I know we can hardly call 11 an early night but let’s go sleep huh

Harvey: Yeah sleep sounds great sugar

This concludes the Foster chapter. Keira and Marta are here for now but next rotation will have their own home. Harvey and Kayleigh sleep and dream of retirement while Carson dreams of a clean room.

Previous ... Next (Nishidake)

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

Poor Nanami. Hes got all problems rn (one kid uncondcious, two kids really really insisting they did the grand theft auto, one going throufh the most insane emotional journey possible)

I keep thinking about how in the same conversation Yuuta both asked Nanami to neglect him more (insanely concerning) and then also said hed kill himself in front of him (also insanely concerning) after like 5 hours ago going youre *not* my dad. Parenthood is tough.

Nanami, going onto r/Parenting for help with this shit:

I (27M) am the father of three. My eldest (16M) was recently introduced to my two younger children (15F & 14M) under less than ideal circumstances. They all seem to be getting along well—my eldest son and daughter already appear to be friends. My youngest son had to be hospitalized, and the eldest has developed a very protective bond with him. This is one of the issues—I’m harboring some concerns that he may kill the people who hurt my youngest in his defense.

I have a series of other problems that have arisen in the last twelve hour span:

First, my daughter recently stole a car to transport her brother to medical attention after discovering his injuries. My youngest now insists that he was the one who stole it, despite being blind and bleeding out at the time of the theft. How do I convince him that it was okay that the car was stolen and to stop distressing himself with trying to take the blame?

Second, my eldest went through a medical issue recently that destabilized his emotional control, likely contributing to his strong bond with my youngest and the homicidal thoughts. I'm attempting to get him to rest; however, this makes him feel like he's failing to protect my youngest. How do I convince him to rest and take care of his own needs?

Third, the same eldest told me that I’m not his father, asked me to neglect him more, and told me that he’d kill himself in front of me if I tried to discuss puberty with him. Our relationship is very new, and I believe he was being hyperbolic in many of his statements, but I want to communicate to him that he can safely come to me with any issues he may face. How can I best do this?

Fourth, I have recently uncovered reason to believe that my daughter is harboring an active fear that we may one day cut her off from her younger brother permanently. We are currently parenting them through a non-sexual, platonic polycule, and I decided that I was obligated to share this information with the others so that we may address it as a family. Now, however, she has been avoiding me, and I fear she may trust me less. How do I address both the breach in trust and the likely fears of abandonment? I only want her to be happy.

Fifth, my eldest appears to have a relationship of indeterminate nature with his four closest friends. They were all found sleeping in the same bed together, are rarely apart, and he spends most of his time with his best friend/possible romantic partner (15F), though they have gotten in several physical confrontations in the twelve hours I have known them. It is unclear whether their relationship is platonic, romantic, or queerplatonic in nature, though his best friend does appear to be making romantic overtures to my daughter. I obviously support whatever their nature may take (both due to my pre-existing personal opinions and the obviously unique nature of the relationship I have with my coparenting polycule), but I do believe that the answers may affect what topics should be covered in any discussion we may have on puberty and sexual wellbeing. Obviously, this talk is not happening any time soon, due to the aforementioned threat to kill himself in front of me if I attempted to discuss such topics, but I’d like to be prepared should the need arise. Does anyone have any recommendations on how to casually communicate that I support him in whatever form of relationship he finds himself in? Should I cover all of the bases when I give him the talk just in case?

I consider myself somewhat of a veteran parent (I have been raising children for more than a decade now), but these last twelve hours have surprised me with how taxing they've been. Has anyone encountered anything like this? Any advice will be appreciated.

Edit: My youngest had to be hospitalized because his extended family, who is not allowed any contact with him, kidnapped him and injured him to the point of hospitalization. This is not what I'm seeking advice on. We are more than capable of formulating our plans for revenge without the aid of strangers on the internet.

Second Edit: Please stop asking how I'm able to be the father of three teenagers at the age of 27. All of my children were adopted. No one needs to call the police.

Third Edit: My eldest had not yet met his younger siblings because he was only recently adopted under rather dire circumstances. The ex-boyfriend of a member of our coparenting group recently attempted to murder him (for reasons unrelated to the group), and then in the aftermath a different group attempted to force him into indentured servitude. We were looking to allow him time to adjust to his new circumstances before introducing him to his siblings.

Fourth Edit: Yes, I adopted my first two children when I was sixteen. This was not so much allowed as no one could stop us. I fail to see the relevance in this to the problem at hand; however, due to the influx of questions I have decided to provide the information anyway.

Fifth Edit: Yes, I was the poster who sought advice all those years ago regarding the young children that my upperclassman had somehow acquired. No, I still do not know where he got them from. It no longer matters, because we ended up keeping them and are raising them ourselves. Please direct all further comments to the actual questions asked.

[artoriarts]

Ok I don’t want to go make art and I don’t want to go find something good to scrounge up and post so I will instead spout assorted madcom headcanons. these are far from the last you will see from me.

- sanmos 4 lyfe (big sloppy heart emoji) they are both like playfully flirty in diff ways with other people but also so so monogamous at the same time they love eachother sooo much have the healthiest relationship known to man. ignore all the killings.

- 2bhank with the same energy as medic tf2 x heavy tf2. but like also 2b is catboy herder for hank. he holds the laser pointer in the relationship. hank isn’t like full creature I’m still the kind of girlie to place him solidly as kind of the stoic and dysfunctional sociopath but he’s got some of those beasty tendencies in him. the two have such strong attachment to each other but they both have such difficulty expressing it. hank doesn’t know how human well and 2b simply isn’t a soft person even when he wants to be. but they work with what they have. deimos and sanford are so invested in their relationship they chitchat about it constantly. in the most supportive way they want it to go well they just talk about the two being cute and try to help when they hit rocky points. the power couple is so stable they can take on other couple’s drama.

- I don’t know what the ship name is for tricky and hank but there’s like a tiny bit of that too. tricky is hank’s crazy ex but they were never in an actual relationship clown has just been desperate for the dick day one and has not let up for a single second. especially after the halo fiasco literally everyone hates them but they stay silly

- whitehank exists because of something along the lines of hank’s genome getting copied to aahw database when he went in the magnifier and using that agency got the bright idea that if they can’t beat hank. they can make their own. I don’t know actually how she should fit into everything but I like the idea it feels appropriately silly for madcom. the only thing I’m really decided on is that she eventually switches sides and 2b, carrying the entire trans community of nevada on his old man spine, hooks her up on titty skittles and him and hank informally adopt her because cold sad clone babygirl needs parents. she’s like all of hank’s feral swagger if you made it sopping wet and also like garage band punk. I can’t decide if she’s musclegirl as I’ve drawn her before or make her skinny legend I need to lock down the vibes. One important design thing that i know is coming however is that since she’s a copy of mag hank specifically, while hank gets demagnified in my little post canon design shit, she does not, so she is de facto tallest out of the. what do you even call the gang. just the gang? agency for hank wimbleton? the motley crew. the dnd party. nevada’s most wanted. that one actually works we’ll go with that

- funny thing I’ve considered for sheriff is that after whatever happens in project nexus dude just. pisses off somewhere. half hooks up with jeb to make a neutral party for people who just want to fuckin live. while jeb’s on the offensive side of that trying to actively stop the madness sherrif is the defensive side just making settlements for normal people to live they lives. something along those lines. it’s quaint. him and whitehank get together maybe. little guy woos the giant cryptid lady with his southern charm.

- the auditor is workplace sexual harassment personified. simultaneously in the fanfic suave way and the restraining order kind. they talk like stephan weyte. they think they’re soo cool and when someone doesn’t think they are when they want them to they run away and cry.

- I wish I could come up with something for jeb to like round out the primary cast but like honestly he’s the one I spin around in my head the least. I like his motive of make shit normal but maybe he’s just like too clear cut. he’s already got a full character there’s nothing for me to add.

thank you for coming to my ted talk

[spectraspecs-writes]

Manaan - Chapter 129

Link to the masterpost. Chapter 128. Chapter 130.

@averruncusho @ceruleanrainblues @chubbsmomma @darthvendar-blog @80strashbag thank you for reading, you get a tag. @skelelexiunderlord thank you for support, you get a tag.

——–

Roland Wann takes a moment before he looks up from his desk, I stand there for a moment before he looks up. “Ah, you’re back,” he say, “I was glad to hear your trial went well.” No thanks to you, buddy. “Have you managed to retrieve the data from our droid in the Sith base?”

“Yes,” I say, pulling the module from my pack, “here it is.”

“Excellent!” He takes the module and looks it over. “It does not appear to have been tampered with, so the Sith did not manage to copy its contents yet. And now for your information…” He looks around, then gestures and brings us into the Enclave. “We are not supposed to speak of this, but since you are a Jedi, and we have exhausted all the other options, I think I can entrust you with this. 

“As you know, the Republic is fighting for its very existence against the evil of the Sith Empire. As you also undoubtedly know, we are doing very poorly. We need much in the way of supplies and material to stem the tide of battle and bring us victory.” I’m not sure I like where this is going. “Manaan is the sole source of kolto, the most powerful medical substance in the galaxy. Frankly, we need as much of it as we can get.”

“What has the Republic done?” Carth asks.

“The Selkath conservatives with their neutrality treaties seek to treat the Sith and the Republic equally. This includes kolto exports. But a few more far-sighted Selkath see that if the Sith are ever allowed to win, the galaxy will be plunged into darkness and there would be nothing to stop them from taking Manaan anyway. So we made a deal…”

“You violated the treaty?!?” explodes out of my mouth.

“Shh!” Wann urges, “Not so loud! Yes, it is a technical violation of the treaty, but it is sanctioned by elements of the Selkath government. We need only keep it hidden from the Sith.”

“This is incredibly dangerous,” I say, “If the Sith found out or the rest of the government got wind of this…”

“I know,” Wann says with a heavy sigh, “but to the senators, it seemed to outweigh the risks. We recently began construction of a secret underground facility to harvest kolto directly at its source. We also hope to one day be able to synthesize it effectively. Current techniques are insufficient for the task, so we must mine it for now. The amount we take would hardly be noticed, since most is lost naturally before it reaches the surface anyway. We were nearing completion of the base when the digging teams reported some sort of obstruction... an ancient building or artifact. Possibly your 'Star Map.'” Sounds like it to me. “Transmissions from the base were cut off abruptly after that, and we haven't heard from the station since.”

That’s odd - construction crews, especially underwater, would have to keep near-constant contact with the surface for safety. “What happened down there?”

He sighs a heavy sigh. “We don’t know. We just don’t know.”

“And you haven’t investigated?” Carth asks.

“As you may have noticed, we are hiring a lot of mercenaries around here. Ostensibly they're to be shipped off-world to aid in our fight against the Sith, but they are really for another purpose. When we lost contact with the station in the Hrakert Rift, we sent our contingent of Republic soldiers down to investigate. None returned.” Yikes. “We have tried hiring mercenaries and sending them down as well” - well, that answers that question - “but none of those expeditions have returned either. The reason we really sent that droid underwater - and the reason we needed its data back so badly - was to find out what had happened to the Hrakert Rift station. But now that we have the data back, our operation is in no danger of exposure to the Sith. And now I must live up to my end of the bargain.”

Well, gee, so I have to go into a place that no one has returned from to get this thing? That’s… actually par for the course, I don’t know why I’m pissed. “How will we get down there?”

“I took the liberty of having a submarine prepared for your departure. Merely use this card” - which he hands me - “to get past the door behind our kolto packing room and enter the sub therein. It has been programmed to take you down to the station, and also to take you back up should you need something. I would send soldiers to assist you, but we have lost many of ours, and nearly exhausted the mercenary population of this planet. The soldiers we have are barely enough to keep this base secure! The Sith have also noted our interest and begun to bribe mercenaries away from us, as you noticed. Please, find out what happened to the facility. There may be some survivors left down there, perhaps even the head scientist - Kono Nolan.” He reaches out to shake my hand. I politely take it. “Good luck in your efforts.”

The three of us walk to the submersible bay and climb in. With the push of a button, the sub closes and begins to descend. My nerves all but vanish as the water rises up above us. This is the perfect chance to observe the ecosystem here, up close. Selkath culture views this ocean as the birthplace of all life on the planet. They’re still semi-aquatic themselves - everything about the species is clearly designed to be as aerodynamic as possible through the water, rather than on dry land. And a planet that’s entirely oceanic is rare - the adaptations in the aquatic animals and plants are sure to be unique. And to add the kolto on top of that - kolto is unique to Manaan. Its potential effects on the evolution of life on this planet hasn’t been thoroughly studied, certainly not in the field. Despite the voice in my head that constantly reminds me that none of my experiences as a scout, none of what I know, is real, all I feel right now is the sense that this is what I was meant to do, where I was meant to be.

But tragically, and too soon, the voyage is over, and we emerge inside the underwater facility. The hatch pops open. While the design clearly matches the base we just left, none of the activity or idle noise is present. The only sound is the occasional drip of water. It’s dark, a little spooky. I really don’t like that drip, it makes me think the walls aren’t watertight. The other side of the submersible bay has a wrecked craft over there. What down here is strong enough to destroy a submersible and can breathe the oxygen atmosphere? A firaxan shark could do it, at least in a group. Even just one could do a lot of damage. But the damage I see came from the top, from within the facility, not from the water. Whatever it is that did this damage came from inside the base. It’s probably the same thing that stopped anyone from contacting the surface. The air is salty, but there’s still the unmistakable smell of fresh death. And it’s not a fishy smell. These aren’t dead Selkath.

There’s only so much I can learn standing here and honestly I’m just scaring myself. I start towards the closest door. It opens to a hallway, and at the end of that hall is a chamber with a Twi’lek in it. Someone alive! The closer we get, I can hear him muttering to himself, crazed. He’s pacing back and forth in the round chamber. Just before the chamber, he hears us, and draws his blaster. Then, “You’re not Selkath!” He lowers it and rushes towards us, grabbing my shoulders. “How-- how did you get in? Did they send another submersible? Quick, we have to get out of here, we have to get away!”

“Whoa, calm down!” I push his arms away. “Get away from what?”

“No! No!” he shakes his head, “We have no time, we have to leave now! I managed to close the door after they killed everyone else, but I don't know how long it will hold.”

“Who’s ‘they’? What happened?”

“The Selkath, they went crazy!” he says, “They started killing anything that moved. Someone must have triggered the defense systems too, 'cause all the droids activated as well.” No wonder this place looks so demolished. “I was one of the mercs the Republic sent down here to find out what happened. We came down and secured the first couple rooms…” He starts to lose his breath. Like he wants to cry but doesn’t have enough water. “...there were bodies everywhere… And the Selkath came out… screaming and croaking their fishy little war-cries.”

“The Selkath?” Carth repeats in disbelief.

The Twi’lek mercenary nods. “They swarmed out and over us,” he says, “There was no way we could stop them. So we ran... But hardly any of us made it. I locked the door behind us, bu... but the others had already left in the submersible!” And left you? That’s cold. “The sharks... the firaxa out there and... worse... I heard an explosion shortly after the submersible left. They didn't make it. Just food for the sharks and the Selkath... like us.”

“Come with us,” Juhani says, “We will take you back to the surface in our submersible.” Right, get this guy somewhere safe.

He relaxes a bit. “Back to the surface, yes,” he says, “Yes… No!” He stops. “There's something out there... it got the other submersible already.”

“Then how are we supposed to get you out of here?” Carth asks.

The Twi’lek shakes her head forcefully. His lekku shake. “We can't leave until you do something. Blow up the entire station maybe.” No. “That might distract whatever it is long enough for us to escape to the surface. But all the machinery and stuff is in the southern half, and that's been flooded! There might still be environmental suits around but... but... the Selkath might have laid their eggs in them!”

“That’s not how fish eggs work,” I find myself saying before I’m even aware of it, “They lack a hard shell so eggs laid on dry land would suffer immediate desiccation.”

“What are you talking about?!” he shouts.

“Forget it,” I say, “I have to get into the station.” I move to step around him.

“No!” He steps back in front of me. “I locked the door so that the Selkath won't get in. If you open it, we're all done for!”

“I’m sorry,” I say, “I have to.”

“If you go in there, you're dead! You're all dead!” We don’t budge. Neither does he. Finally he grumbles, “Fine! If you want to die, then go! You won't hear me mourning for you! I'll stay here and be safe until some sort of REAL rescue comes! But if you're going to go in there, do it quickly! I'll shut the door behind you... but don't expect me to open it again!”

True to his word, he shoves us through the door into the base and locks the door behind us. I’m not particularly worried about a locked door. Anything he can lock, I can figure out how to unlock, and worst case scenario I’ll just destroy the door. There’s only one way to go, forward, to a single door at the end of a long hallway.

Through the door at the end of the hall, there’s a security panel. “Let me see if I can get anything off that,” I say, “hang on.” The card from Roland Wann gives me access and I download a map onto my datapad.

‘That mercenary said there was still staff in the south part of the base,” Juhani says, “Are you able to locate them?”

“Let me see…” A quick security scan for life signs should be easy enough, even at reduced power. That’s… that’s a lot more life signs than I expected. Based on these readings, the base is teeming with life. But that can’t be the case because this place is quiet. I wonder - can I filter these results to only endotherms? Let’s see… there we go.

Holy shit.

Including us, there are seven endotherms, seven non-Selkath in the entire base. Several sensors are offline, but that mercenary said that part of the base was flooded. So where I see offline sensors, that’s probably ocean, and if anyone’s there, they’re Selkath. And the Selkath went insane. “Not including us, there are two non-Selkath on this side of the base,” I say, “One of them is that mercenary, the other is staff.” That’s all I can get - there’s too many damaged systems. “There’s two more on the other side of the base, but there’s an ocean between us and them.”

“That’s where all the machinery is,” Carth says.

“I’m not blowing up the base,” I say.

“I know, but that can’t be the only option,” he says, “Something happened here and maybe the machinery had something to do with it.”

‘We’re not going to find out here, at any rate,” I say, ‘There’s too much damage to find any archived sensor information. Whatever happened, the main computer doesn’t have any record of it.”

“Let’s keep moving, then.”

“One last thing,” I say, “The merc said the defense system was activated. I want to switch them off before we run into anything.” Sentry droids, quite a few of them. I send a remote deactivation command, and they all tick offline. “Okay, we’re good to go.” Sign off. To the next door.

The other door opens to an even longer hallway, lined on one side floor to ceiling with windows. Light filters in from the windows, tinted green by the water. It’s not bright, but it supplements the already-dim station lighting. The view through them is unobstructed - good, I can get a sense of the damage, our surroundings.

And everything makes sense.

We’re in the reef… The kolto must… This habitat is so… The sharks probably… But the Republic…

“You’re mumbling,” Carth says suddenly. Was I saying all that out loud? “What do you see?”

“You don’t see that?” I say. No, I guess not. I run my finger along the glass, tracing the reef and its ridges. “This is prime marine habitat, look at all the firaxan sharks. This reef and its caves and crannies have probably been formed by centuries of erosion and sharks looking for creches to lay their eggs. This isn’t just a home, it’s a nursery. And the kolto is part of that. It’s healing for us, but as a part of their ecosystem, it must have a growth impact here in the ocean as well. Everything here has been shaped by millenia of this delicate balance. The rocks and minerals erode, releasing the kolto into the water, which helps the sharks grow, and they create more crevices, more erosion. And that’s not even considering the other species that call this reef home.”

Carth and Juhani look, but they don’t see it. Can’t see it, not quite. Aren’t used to thinking that way. “I am sure Selkath scientists already understood this,” Juhani says slowly, not quite understanding, ‘Sure they know where the kolto…”

“It’s not about the kolto, it’s about the eggs!” I say, “The construction impacts the nursery sites, you can see the change. The sharks reacted to the construction in defense of their home, their eggs. The vibrations through the water may have affected their communication, too, so not only were they being attacked, the world suddenly got so… loud.” I understand that. The confusion, the mixed signals, the uncertainty. The fear. The lashing out.

“That explains the sharks,” Carth says, “but what about the Selkath?”

I suck my teeth. “I’m not sure yet. They couldn’t have known this would happen when they authorized the Republic to build here - the ocean means too much to them to risk its destruction. But their response… I don’t know. There’s still a few pieces I’m missing. And I’m not going to get them in here.” I take a deep breath. “I’ll have to go out to the ocean floor.”

[all-pacas]

hows the fic going…

THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT, i went down a rabbit hole (what’s up australian/nz tumblr friends) about if australia was a top sheet or no top sheet country and then i deleted the entire scene anyway because it was useless. i keep having the same fucking conversation happening and i’ve decided to lean into it and pretend it’s intentional. i’m at 9k and the idea that i am supposed to have a happy ending is making me sweat nervously; i think the deleted bits are probably another 2 or 3 thousand words. i read an actual medical journal article and i don’t know why. i’m also writing in a slightly different style than normal, let’s call it mauve? prose?, which just adds another layer. when i finally finish this thing ya’ll better pat my ass so hard me and this fanfic are fighting to the absolute death. i don’t even really ship cameron/chase guys.

here is a scene i cut out of the story entirely, in part because it sent me down another rabbit hole: park does mention she knows chase was once married to a coworker early in s8, but how much do the new kids know about cameron and how much of it was taub gossiping:

-

Adams comes into the conference room all frustrated, which means she’d swung by the ICU before work again. “I wish you’d try and visit Chase after work and not before,” Park says; she finds Adams’s post-visit huffiness supremely irritating.

House isn’t in, and although Park had seen Taub’s car in the lot when she’d come in, he isn’t around either.

“You haven’t gone to see him at all,” Park says, sitting as far diagonal from Adams as possible.

“He’s made it pretty clear he doesn’t want visitors.” Park makes a face, despite wanting to be neutral and cool about it: truth be told, this bothers her just as much as it does Adams; Chase is her friend. “It isn’t like our presence is speeding the healing process.” Even though it feels like it should, somehow: Park is a scientist and she knows better. Even still. Truth be told, it makes her feel better that he doesn’t want to see Adams either, and anyway, Adams is probably only going because she feels guilty, and because she’s very pretty and Chase is very pretty and, well, Park knows how these things happen.

She flips resolutely through a textbook she’d grabbed off the shelves. House kept it there specifically to taunt Chase, because it had been written by Chase’s dad — the dust flap did confirm Dr. Rowan Chase was based out of Melbourne — and if Park really tries it almost feels that by reading it they’re connecting.

“He had one yesterday,” Adams confides in an eager half-whisper, leaning towards Park, distance forgotten.

“One of his girlfriends?” Park frowns: except for the odd nurse he hooks up with at work, Chase usually keeps his floozies far away from the hospital.

“I don’t know,” Adams admits. “When he kicked me out, he said she was taking care of him.” She leans back, considers Park closely, although for what Park has no idea. “I think she was his ex wife.”

Park ponders this revelation. “Huh.” Chase had briefly been married to one of the doctors here, she knows: it was sort of common hospital gossip, usually brought up whenever a newer nurse was starting to make eyes at him. The warning went to the effect of he’s only looking for sex: he got married once, it lasted all of a month, look out. Her name was Cameron, Park knows, because House occasionally — but not as often as she would have assumed — likes to insult Chase’s intelligence by bringing her into things. When Park imagines her, she assumes tall and blonde and huge boobs, which is unfair: not that doctors can’t be stacked, but it is statistically unlikely Cameron was formerly a stripper.

[senditcolton]

Work Song

a/n: i was not surprised that this song was the first one grabbed. hozier really just fucked around and invented romance. i don’t think i was as successful but i hope i did this song justice. word count: 1.6k warnings: hurt/comfort, injury mention, fears & anxieties. gender neutral reader.

If the lord don’t forgive me, I’d still have my baby and my babe would have me.

It was a rare occurrence whenever you weren’t at the Bell Centre during a Canadiens game. Usually, it took heaven and hell fighting against you to prevent you from sitting in the stands, cheering on your boyfriend Josh as he played his heart out on that smooth sheet of ice.

Or, maybe all it took was an overbearing boss to prevent you from attending.

That was the case tonight and you heave a sigh as you push through the apartment door, immediately collapsing onto the couch. You grab the remote to turn on the game, not bothering to even take off your shoes. The third period was still going on as you settle into the cushions, your body relaxing as you watch Montreal battle Tampa.

You knew the standings were dismal and that a win so late in the season would likely have no real sway over the inevitable outcome. But you still wanted the Canadiens to triumph; if nothing else, at least for Josh.

Your heartrate increases when Tampa closes the gap late in the third, making it a one goal game and the pounding in your chest does not cease when Tampa pulls their goalie in an attempt to tie it. You watch with baited breath and your heart leaps when Drouin flips the puck out of the zone, directly to Josh speeding towards the empty net.

However, your heart drops as quickly as it jumped when you see Josh gets pulled down onto the ice, colliding with the empty net and knocking it off its moorings.

You faintly register the cascade of boos fall from the fans within the arena but they are inconsequential as you watch in fear as Josh writhes on the ice in obvious pain, your anxiety spiking when he doesn’t get up on his own.

The broadcast shows the replay, discussing the possibility of a penalty and your eyes are glued onto Josh, needing to know what happened, needing to know how bad it was. Your questions are answered when a new angle is shown and it doesn’t take a medical expert to notice how his foot made impact with the post, the force of his body compressing his ankle.

When the feed cuts back to Josh still laying on the ice, the medical staff next to him and a few of his teammates skating over to help him up, your anxiety doesn’t relent. Your previous suspicions are further confirmed when Josh is finally helped off the ice and down the tunnel, using two people for support, barely placing any weight on that right foot.

There is no thinking as you grab your car keys, flying out of the apartment and racing over to Bell Centre. It was ridiculous for you to be doing this. There was only 30 seconds left remaining in the game and you knew Josh would find his way home without your help.

But you had to be there for him. Something in your bones screamed that you needed to be next to him as soon as possible.

By some miracle, you manage to get there before everyone leaves and even manage to talk to the staff who lead you to the after-game waiting area. You greet the few families and significant others but don’t pay them much mind. They do not fault you though, all of them understanding why you were there, giving you a wide berth as you settle on the couch, leg bouncing as you stare towards the elevators, waiting for Josh to appear.

The rest of the families trickle out and you sit, worried and impatient until finally the elevator dings and you leap up when you see Josh step out of the elevator on crutches, his right ankle in a temporary cast, Joel walking next to him with Josh’s bag slung over his shoulder.

There is no hesitation as you run the short distance towards him. You barely have time to register the surprise on his face at your appearance before you are pulling him into a kiss, your relief and love pouring from your lips, simply happy to see him somewhat mobile. You can feel Josh relax into you and your heart flutters at the feeling of the tension being released from his body.

“Wow, if that’s the kind of greeting I get when I’m injured, I might try and get hurt more often.”

Eddy’s voice breaks in and you pull away from Josh to shoot Joel a soft grin, always thankful for his humor. Joel returns your smile but you can see the genuine concern in his eyes.

You turn you attention back to Josh, his own blue eyes still taking you in, still registering that you were here in front of him.

“Come on, let’s go home,” you say, tilting your head towards the exit.  

The three of you wander out to the garage and Eddy helps place Josh’s bag in your trunk, the two of you forming a plan to pick up Josh’s car at some point tomorrow, before he waves goodbye and you hop into the driver’s seat of your car and start the route home.

The car ride back is silent and it remains that way as you and Josh enter the apartment, moving in tandem as you both prepare for bed, you occasionally extending a hand to help him. You let him settle into bed, preparing the pillows and grabbing a cold compress as he takes off the temporary boot and elevates his injured ankle.

You finish up the rest of your nighttime routine before crawling into bed with Josh, curling up next to his side, your head and hand coming to rest on his chest, your fingers starting to absentmindedly draw patterns on to his skin. The silence lingers for a moment before Josh finally speaks.

“I’m out for the rest of the season,” he whispers and you can feel the weight of the words as he says them. You glance up towards his face and see his eyes distant and far away from you.  

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I knew it as soon as it happened.”

“I’m sorry baby.”

You aren’t sure what else to say, so you stay silent and let Josh think, content to listen to his heartbeat and feel the steady rise and fall of his chest.

“I don’t know how much longer I can do this,” he confesses, his eyes still turned away from you. Your only response is a hum, a gentle encouragement for him to continue, a sign that you were willing to listen, one he accepts with a sigh before speaking again.

“I’m almost 30. And this is another injury on my list. I can just feel it creeping closer; the end of my career. I don’t know how much longer I have.”

There is no stopping the pang in your heart at his words, so tinged with defeat and you have to fight back the tears that threaten to fill your eyes. Josh loved the game of hockey so much and it broke your heart to even think about that happiness being taken away from him.

You lift yourself up, propping yourself up on one elbow as you reach up to Josh’s face. Your hand gently lands on his jaw, turning his face towards yours forcing his eyes to connect to yours.

“I love you,” you say, the first words that passed through your mind falling from your lips. You watch as Josh’s eyebrows furrow and you continue in an attempt to explain your declaration.

“I know that might sound stupid or it might not be what you need to hear right now but I want you to know that I love you. I love your passion and I love seeing your joy whenever you lace up the skates. I want you to be happy which means that I want you to fight because hockey makes you happy. Don’t let anyone or anything stop you from chasing your dreams before you’re ready to give them up.”

You watch as those beautiful blue eyes soften, Josh’s lip turning up in a smile in response to your passion. He stays silent, inexplicably knowing that you had more to say and you let the intensity in your voice dissipate as you speak your next words.

“But I also want you to know that whenever it ends, whether it’s your decision or because of something that neither of us can control, I will be here. And I will still love you just as much as I do now.”

At the conclusion of your confession, you look back at Josh and find him staring at you with such tenderness that it makes your heart ache. One of his hands raise to brush against your jawline and you don’t stop yourself from leaning into the warmth of his palm against your skin.

“Do you want to know the first thing I thought about when I went down? The first thought that cut through the pain?” he asks, his thumb tracing the edge of your cheekbone. You give a slight nod in affirmative, eyes glued to him, intent to hear what he had to say.

“I wanted was you there with me. That was the only thing I wanted when I was laying on that ice. But soon I remembered that you weren’t in the stadium. And that thought pushed me to get up. That need to be by your side helped me push through the pain because I knew I had to get back to you. Even if this was the end, if this injury was finally what beat me, I had come home to you.”

Josh pulls you closer to him and you do not fight against him as he brings your face towards his until your foreheads are pressed together, lips barely brushing.

“I love you too,” he murmurs. “More than you will ever know. And I will always find my way back to you.”

[keef-a-corn]

Dat’s right, People, it’s time for ‘Keef watches TFP and you just get the notes!’

This is for season 1, episode 24: One Shall Rise Part 1

Please reblog or comment on this with your thoughts! I really want to know what your opinion of the episode was!

I write down the timestamps, but I watch Transformers Prime on Stan (an Australian streaming service) so they may be slightly off.

ALSO! I try my best to note points for every character, but tend to get a little caught up by Bee (although I think I do a pretty good job with the notes regardless) so do be warned.

These notes may not be the best as One Shall Rise is a 3 (kinda 4) parter and more than 2 part episodes stress me out.

~~~~Transition~~~~

~recap~

01:01 honestly a good start to an episode of this nature. Like despite having just fought Megatron and being held down, if something so shocking and questionable (as in a very powerful being, from your religion,’s blood is erupting from a planet that had nothing to do with yours, linking your planet and theirs) were to happen, I sincerely doubt anyone would be able to stay in the moment and not get lost in your own thought.

01:07 - Megatron learnt nothing from Optimus? Stab first, then say one-liner. You will find this is true across many media, because as soon as the one-liner is delivered, the opponent is now fully aware of the intention of the one delivering the line. They have enough time to prepare to defend/protect themselves. If they one-liner is delivered after, the opponent will be processing what happened to them. One-liners accompany surprise attacks.

01:12 - See?. Shouldn’t have said the one-liner.

01:16 - Bulkhead’s doing a great job

01:33 - I understand why they chose for Arcee to help Ratchet, but I’m still allowed to question it. Like yeah, Bee’s staying back to accompany Raf (and so he doesn’t try to kill Megatron himself), but it would’ve probably have been quicker and easier if it was Bee who helped Optimus back through, rather than Arcee. Although, I still understand the decision.

01:38 - despite getting punch, Bulkhead’s still holding up very well.

01:42 - what’s actually going on with that position?

01:44 - Megatron pursuing Bulkhead by foot is such a stupid move.

01:53 - Let’s pretend that the ground bridge didn’t close, Megatron can’t cut through it and Bulkhead had already disappeared. What was the plan? He just strike the air and freak ‘em out a bit?

01:57 - gotta appreciate the continuity of Megatron’s face still have the tire marks.

02:13 - I was expecting him to start jumping up and down

~intro~

02:59 - the bridge was already open and then closed.

03:00 - Were they just chilling in the space that makes up the ground bridge tunnel, waiting for it to open again, for so long that Bulkhead and Arcee managed to swap?

03:02 - Ratchet and Bulkhead are so short compared to Optimus that he has to really bend his legs to receive their support.

03:08 - Oh you’ve gotta be kidding me. I’ll be more considerate though, because Ratchet was essentially saying that it was too much, as opposed to just one beam of dark energon.

03:12 - I’m gonna actually bite someone. I hate this so much.

03:15 - The way Bulkhead pushed him down and the way Optimus sat *mwah*

03:20 - pure bean

03:23 - I get that she’s being protective and all because Raf got hurt, but must she be so cruel to the injured pure bean? He wasn’t involved with Raf getting hurt, he did the responsible thing and sent him to the medic, wasn’t involved with any of the decisions in the profession he’s not familiar with + he’s not Raf’s guardian. Now, I’m not one to throw Bumblebee under the bus… but if June were to get angry at anyone, she should get angry at Bee. Bee’s Raf’s guardian and Raf was in his care when it happened.

03:25 - I’m gonna kill her.

03:33 - h-what

03:41 - Why does no one talk about this shot?

03:54 - ~Dark~ energon.

04:00 - I don’t think that’s even remotely close to the boogeyman..

04:01 - There’s something so innocent about the bots not understanding human references.

04:03 - how does that lineup with anything that the humans know about Unicron?

04:26 - NO! What did he say??

04:28 - he’s so cute I can’t-

04:34 - Oh.. oh dear.. Oh Ratchet noooo

04:37 - From everything, doubt they’d even care, or believe you.

04:40 - that too.

04:43 - the way he said June- (J o o n)

04:45 - but he didn’t fail anything! She’s just the ass that directed her anger at the wrong bot.

05:06 - it’s weird hearing her say that considering the statement is so relevant for American students now, so much so that it’s pitiful.

05:33 - NOT JUNE SAYING THAT CHILDREN DON’T HAVE THE FREEDOM OF CHOICE ON EARTH.

05:42 - Not a huge Miko fan… but I get it.

05:45 - I don’t recommend doing what Miko did, but I will say that keep that sort of stuff in mind when you need to discuss a decision with someone like a teacher. They aren’t your parent, they cannot make you do something you don’t want to if you believe you’d benefit more by not doing it. They may have a certain level of power over you, but they get a power check anytime you stand your ground on a decision.

06:01 - this is a parallel to.. the first episode? Where Jack was the one insisting that they leave.

06:08 - on the other end of the stick is that as you get older your relationship to someone should become less of a factor into a personal decision/opinion. Just because their your parent, doesn’t mean they always know what’s best for you.

06:14 - Good on June for not pushing it. She accepted that answer.

06:19 - AAAAA NOOOO

06:26 - Bro chose her pride over convenience.

06:32 - THEY DIDN’T SAY GOODBYE

06:42 - Noooooooooooo

06:43 - not the door wings ;0;

06:44 - it makes it sadder that he was standing alone as he watched the only human that could understand him leave.

06:55 - slight error as Arcee went from behind Bee, to standing at his side, but that will be ignored to laugh at the heights differences.

07:13 - oh man, that reporter, I wonder who voiced him.

07:25 - everyone static for so long is glorious

08:07 - she’s pretty good at dodging the lightening

08:13 - then crashes.

08:52 - this scene takes a long time, but it works well to emphasise that they were in a lot of danger.

09:05 - And enjoyable detail is that Bee opens his doors for a second before transforming.

09:24 - situations like these are reasons why it makes sense that Bee is yellow. It’s a vibrant colour, so it’s an emergency colour.

09:44 - Let’s be honest here, Bee should’ve brought someone with him. Bulkhead, maybe?

10:04 - the only other human to have sat in Bee’s driver’s seat is Jack.

10:09 - running a stop sign, damn.

10:33 - bleeeeh

10:46 - if everyone else wasn’t doing anything why was Bee alone?? No one thought that maybe a rescue mission shouldn’t be just one rescuer??

10:56 - Optimus looking to Ratchet, then smiling (more?) is such a cute detail

10:59 - Bee’s heavy landing after transforming.

11:25 - imagine trying to say that and not sound like someone a bit too into astrology

11:52 - just to be clear, Agent Fowler’s correct.

11:55 - hehe

12:02 - following Ratchet saying ‘by the AllSpark’ Bee reacts by looking at him then giving him a surprised look

12:14 - Don’t understand the point of the focus on Arcee walking in.

12:27 - the way Optimus’s optics shook once he realised.

12:32 - Honestly, I agree with Megatron- it really hurts to listen to.

12:52 - the music tho-

12:57 - This is how I wake up every morning.

13:14 - The writers better have a document explaining how volcanoes produced lava if the Earth didn’t have Magma.

13:19 - husbands theorising

13:28 - Melatonin, blankets and make the room a bit cooler.

13:44 - ooh~ Expedition.

14:35 - hoooo

14:40 - The Elmer Fudd approach I see.

14:50 - AHHH THE WAY HIS FACE MOVES, THE EXPRESSIONS, THE E V E R Y T H I N G

15:03 - Arcee enthusiastically joining the brainstorm session. + don’t look at me with those big ol’ eyes.

15:08 - he announces ‘I awaken’

15:10 - Miko’s expressive story telling. H O- Bulkhead’s expressions.

15:14 - Solemn as it is, I cannot get past the fact that the two shortest of the autobots haven’t thought to move.

15:19 - the double blink to look up hurts considering this is a very effective method to prevent tears.

15:33 - who’s gonna tell him?

15:57 - where did Soundwave come from??

16:20 - Bro really trying to impress his dad.

16:25 - change ‘Unicron’ to God or Jesus and you have the why the priest blesses the Eucharist during mass (delivery included).

17:00 - Fatherless behaviour. I swear every villian recites that speech when they finally meet their more evil father.

17:08 - GOTTEM

17:19 - Your time of the month maybe.

17:25 - NOT THE FORCE OF DESTRUCTION CALLING MEGATRON A WORM.

17:45 - Megatron really trying to force a friendship.

17:54 - and here we have the liar.

18:04 - The liar has been called out.

18:13 - Unicron really went back to bed.

18:26 - Optimus scouting gives off big ‘undercover boss’ energy.

18:56 - I laughed so hard at this that my shoulder hurts

19:09 - oh… no one told him shoulder pads are out of style..

19:19 - Get in line. (I have taken it upon myself to draw up what I imagine the ‘Who wants to destroy Optimus Prime’ sign up sheet would look like:

(WHO WANTS TO DESTROY OP:

1. MEGATRON

2. StArsreAm

3. SKYQUAKE (Quake dies ;^;)

3 4. Ratchet❤️ Joking! K.O.❤️

4 5. Ratchet (the real one) (I miss understood) AYO-

4 5 6. Optimus Prime (Bumblebee saw. I cannot do that to him.)

4 5 6 7. MECH

5 6 7 8. Primus :)

6 7 8 9. St3V3

7 8 9 10. Unicron)

19:43 - didn’t realise until now, but this parallels Sick Mind. An Autobot speaking to an enemy in the enemy’s domain- Curiosity is what compels the enemy to listen.

19:49 - doubling parallel, speaking to increase the safety of others.

20:03 - a species?? Prime needs to be introduced to a dog or something. HAH- introduce him to a Bumblebee.

20:15 - Antisocial people:

20:23 - Dude has magician powers.

20:34 - well it took 13 Primes to put him in a coma. Can’t fault Optimus for being weak.

20:38 - They never learn. Phrase AFTER destruction.

20:43 - Translation: not yet, Dame Fragger.

21:20 - top ten lamest Villian one liners.

-To be Continued-

———————

That was One Shall Rise part 1

THAT WAS ONLY ONE FRAGGIN EPISODE?!

It took me weeks to finish!

For all that it is- it's a very good episode.

Still frustrated about last episode and am very much annoyed by June's behaviour. I love Bee with all my heart, but he was the one in charge of Raf at the time-

[walkingstackofbooks]

DS9 4x18 Hard Time thoughts (I’m re-watching, so beware spoilers for future episodes!) [11 July ‘23]

"Do you wish to add anything to the official record?" His scared shake of his head. Already my heart and we're not long in.

Kira's hard face. She's so gentle with him :3

"I used to dream about this. Being on in runabout, coming through the wormhole, seeing the station again." The time loss thing is so jilting, I love how they've managed to make it weird for us, echoing just a little bit of O'Brien's feelings.

Kira's obviously so uncomfortable with the dream versus reality situation, and Miles' experiences.

He's walking so stiffly, you can tell he still feels as though he's aged 20 years in his body...

"Julian. Is it really you?" "It's me." This meeting is so short but still my heart 💔Julian can't take his eyes off Miles.

"I can't imagine what it would have been like. Twenty years in that cell." At least Julian's talking like it was real, unlike Kira's 'it wasn't real' vibe.

"I was alone." Cut to flashback of not being alone. I'm looking forward to seeing this with the knowledge of what has happened in the prison.

*Miles' hesitancy over ordering something from the replicator? "Computer? A piece of chee'lesh fruit, please." What different ways are there of saying "oh my heart" because I think I'll be needing some....

"Miles? Oh, Miles." Keiko is so fantastic, and oh, their reunion is so understated but so good.

I'm so jealous of the recycling capabilities of replicators.

"I've been alone for so long." He didn't even need to mention of he'd been alone or not, he's really keeping up the pretence, making sure his barriers are high. Or maybe trying to make himself believe it.

"How do you do that? Laugh?" It's so weird. Ee'char is so nice and then you remember he was completely created just to break Miles. I keep thinking "it was a good thing Ee'char was thing was there for Miles" and then having to fight to go "no, actually, Ee'char wasn't real."

"Do I need one seventeen, or two?" "I am not sure." It's sweet that Worf is trying, despite his dislike of games.

There's something so heart-hitting about Jake reteaching Miles the engineering stuff. It's lovely that Jake has learnt enough from Miles for it to go the other way.

"I don't want to be embarrassed in front of the repair crews." But it says a lot that he's not in front of Jake, despite Jake being less of an expert.

"You may be a little rusty, but you're still the Chief." "Oh, well if I'm still the Chief, I say we go through it again." That's the old Miles shining through there!

I'm sorry HOW does Julian walk down a ladder?! Facing forward like their stairs?! Seriously, go watch this clip!

"I just want to forget about what happened on Argratha and get on with my life." -just like that, hey? I'm sorry Miles, it doesn't work like that.

"Tell me about Keiko again." Is that subtle Argrathi torture or Ee'char niceness?

Ee'char calls him Miles - does anyone on the station call him Miles usually at this point? (To check when spreadsheet updates!)

I feel like losing control and hurting Quark isn't going to help with the guilt he's feeling about losing control and killing Ee'char. Miles, you can tell your spiralling, I know you're scared but please get help!

"Please, Captain. I'm asking you as a personal favour to me, give me one more chance." "I wish I could. But right now, in the judgement of this station's Chief Medical Officer, you're unfit for duty." Oof, throwing Bashir under the bus. (I definitely headcanon Julian's prepared to take on all of Miles' anger so he can still get support from the others.)

"You should listen to him, Miles. He cares about you just like I did. Don't make the same mistake with him you did with me." OUCH. HallucEe'char! That's basically implying Miles might kill Julian!

"Don't you get it. You're not my friend. Not anymore. The O'Brien that was your friend died in that cell." "He's not dead. He just needs a little help, that's all." Oh Julian, still trying and trying and trying.

"He wants to help you." "Like you did?" "That's right. We're both your friends." "Yeah. And look what happened to you." I don't think hallucEe'char is the best at getting through to Miles. Which makes sense since he kind of is Miles? But yeah it's so clear here Miles feels like he has to distance himself because he's worried about what he might do to Julian, he knows what he's capable of if he loses control.

"I didn't mean to. I'm sorry." He's just scared of himself - and I'm guessing also what the counsellor or anyone else might find out about him or think of him, he was desperate to keep this horrible side of himself to himself. That's why he can't seek help, and he's just trying to brute force his brain into working.

"Chief?" Oh, Julian is so tense, you can see it in his entire body.

The thing is, Ee'char is making it easy for O'Brien to stay angry at him, he's not offering the explanation that would make things better *because* the simulation wants Miles to kill him.

"But when it came down to it, when I had the chance to show that no matter what anyone did to me, I was still an evolved human being, I failed." Those are some damn high expectations there Miles! No matter what anyone did to you?! It was a set-up, and you can't expect to come out of twenty years of torture unchanged!

WHY DID MILES NOT GET A HUG

"It's a treatment, not a cure." I'm glad they had Julian say this. It did feel a bit like "he's some medicine take it and you'll be fine" at the beginning of this scene.

Miles' smile at Molly's excited "Daddy's home! Daddy's home!"

Idk, but the fact he suddenly seems so much better between the cargo bay scene and the corridor makes me think he must have spent at least a night or two in the infirmary with Julian, which would also make sense why him coming home would be such a big thing for Molly.

Man, this episode does not pull it's punches. And that's why it's such an incredible episode. 💔💔💔

[sapphicdib]

r u willing to give us some info abt the streamer au? You’ve mentioned it before but I’m just curious abt it tbh :D

oh I AM MORE THAN WILLING. PREPARE URSELF

so: what happens when you put the physical manifestation of ADHD into an apartment with 3 different flavors of autism, give her a successful twitch career, and blast all of them with Beam Of Insufferably Horny?

the streamer au LMFAO (putting this under a cut bc it got. INSANELY long omfg)

normally i dont rlly like human aus (they’re just not my thing) but this stupid au wormed it’s way into my heart and now i cherish it lmfao. there’s no real set plot, there’s just Situations these lil guys get into. some are soft and adorable (ie. pebbles’ first kiss with sig) or hilarious (sig’s ridiculous amount of flirting with his own chat) or just fuckin stupid (their halloween stream where they do a whole production where chat has to figure out who “killed” sig and it’s just chaos). tbh ive found myself accidentally focusing on the ragequit aspect of the au despite the entire polycule being a thing (lilypad, sunstone, traffic light, ragequit, and hurricane all happen)

i think the Main Things that sum up the au are:

Sig punched Pebbles’ transphobic (now ex) boyfriend in the face and spent a night in jail bc of it LMFAO

Pebbles and Suns meet after Sig drags Pebbles to a party at the college he attends (and Sig attended for a single semester before the whole streamer thing took off). Suns went to catholic school and is incredibly repressed and hesitant with Pebbles and Sig ends up having to instigate a lot of shit to prevent them from just fuckin. never going past hand holding.

Speaking of, Pebbs is an art major and drew all of Sig’s custom emotes. He also loves drawing everyone in the apartment, though usually keeps those drawings hidden from everyone in his sketchbooks

Wind and Sig being childhood best friends who are each others ride or die, they were each others first like, everything. The funniest one being where Wind is having a crisis bc he thinks he might be gay and Sig is just like “hm well I’m kinda a guy maybe kiss me and see if you like it?” And well. Wind has been kissing this fool for 7 years now and does not plan on stopping.

Moon is usually a moderator but does make appearances occasionally and chat loves her. Suns will not go on camera without a face mask. Pebbles was originally camerashy but ends up being in pretty much every stream after a while.

Sig refuses to tell chat his gender and thinks it’s funny watching everyone guess. If you ask/ask for pronouns he just replies with “whatever’s funniest” or “whatever makes this gay”, or if someone’s being rude about it, “whatever pisses you off most”

Sig is like. Insanely good at FPS games and holds multiple top rankings in competitive esports. Yui (Unparalleled Innocence) is one of her main rivals. It’s cute tho. They’re like. rivals who kiss.

Pebbles is Moon’s adopted brother, and has some pretty bad weakness in his hands/legs bc he had cancer as a child. They all support him a lot (Pebbles is rlly stubborn about “being okay”) and Sig does a lot of charity streams for things like forgiving medical debt and cancer research. Sig and Moon bought a huge thing of stickers to help decorate Pebbles’ crutches so he’d like them more.

Pebbles’ name is Pebbles because Moon came up with it as a nickname when they were kids, and when Pebbles came out he chose that as his name. Moon cried about it. Also I just like the whole “transmasc w a silly name” thing bc I feel like it fits him.

Sig helps Pebbles dye his hair (emo mf) but requires that if he helps she gets to put streaks of color in his bangs. It’s usually pink but sometimes she chooses a different color. Sig has the underside of his hair dyed purple. Pebbles’ natural hair color is a pretty light brown.

They all have their cats ofc!! Messenger, Hunter, Arti, and Ruffles!! They were all either strays they found or adopted from a shelter.

That’s all I can think of rn! I wanna draw their designs eventually (and I have but I don’t rlly like them anymore bc OUGHHH I haven’t drawn people in for-goddamn-ever) but yeah!! Damn this got long LMFAO

[buckleyirondad]

I think the Buckley siblings are definitely upper class and they never really had to worry about money. Not because of the down payment on the house, because of everything. We know Buck had college money and he spent them on his bike and going around the world to find yourself is not really something people who struggle with money do. Also I think both SEAL training and FIRE academy aren’t free and that’s not really something you can pay with bartending tips. Buck entire lifestyle is very rich kid coded: moving out of a house you don’t pay to an apartment you rent for sentimental reasons, planning hot balloon dates, suing the LAFD (lawyers are very expensive) and his whole vibe.

Sorry, this answer is long! 9-1-1 isn't particularly known for its accuracy regarding the earnings of first responders. We forgive that because it's fictional.

Update: According to their website, All LAFD programs are free aside from the $73 signup fee and also states, 'The Department does not charge for any of our recruitment and mentoring services.'

The Buckley siblings are not trustfund babies. I’m not saying their parents aren't well-off, I don’t doubt that, but it doesn't mean they shared their wealth with their adult children (until helping Madney with the deposit.) I’m saying ‘adult’ because I believe while they were growing up, the parents funded everything parents are expected to: clothes, food, etc.

Let’s work with what we know. In Buck Begins, Maddie says ‘I'm gonna go nights so I can work during the day, pay for it myself. That way, I won't need to ask Mom and Dad for anything ever again.” I’m guessing that despite their parents doing their bare minimum of what is expected, they weren’t too kind about it, highlighted by how Maddie says this line. She knows she’ll either not get the financial support from her parents, in becoming a nurse, or they’ll complain about it if they do.  So, she goes it alone, deciding to almost work twenty-four days so she doesn’t have to ask them for money!

In 4x04, while arguing with his parents, he says this, “She married Doug, and you cut her off.” Maddie was married to Doug for eleven years, that’s eleven years no contact with her parents, after they cut her off. Cut off contact, and likely cut any kind of financial support. They wanted nothing to do with her, as Buck repeatedly points out in this scene.

What about Boston? I’ve seen that so many times on twitter. How did Maddie afford to live in Boston for six months and get expensive medical treatment? Doug’s life insurance. She received $400, 000. She says in 5x13, “I used most of my savings when I left,” which matches the belief that she used this money to fund her care in Boston.

Now, you’re right about Buck’s college tuition money. “Maybe you use your tuition money to make some cool modifications on your bike.” We don’t know for sure if this was entirely funded by his parents or if he had student loans. Since I am British, all I know about college is from movies, apparently some parents will keep college funds aside from their children as standard. So perhaps, yes, he did have a tuition fee paid by his parents, which maybe is why he rebelled.  Remember this is young, angry and restless Buck, he was likely to burn through that money like it meant nothing, because being reckless or getting hurt, was his way of gaining his parents attention.

But more importantly, is what happened next. When Buck leaves Hershey, Maddie gives him her Jeep and some of her own money. “Look, I can give you a little bit of money to get started, and then you can go anywhere you want.” It is Maddie who funds Buck’s ticket out of that house, giving up her two means of escape. Savings she had, from working her arse off in Boston and as a nurse! Now, Buck’s dynamic with his sister, is so different to his parents. He likely kept that money very safe and was incredibly frugal because Maddie gave it to him. So, it was more special.

Quite explicitly, we see that Buck never settles down when he’s on the road. He goes, from one place, to the next, to the next. Picking up many jobs. Likely couch surfing, sleeping in the jeep, or cheap motels, Buck didn’t have hefty bills to pay! He could save up, on the road.  All those years of traveling around, and saving would fund NAVY Seals and Firefighter training. What also helped, is he lived in a Frat House, not making him financially liable for all the bills, which were split evenly across all the guys. Then he lived in Abby’s apartment, where once again, he wasn’t paying any bills. With a fireman’s salary, while living in a frat house, and sharing the bills, he likely found it easier to save. Making it easier to fund a hot air balloon ride, a nice studio apartment, and then a lawyer!

They do call Buck's place a "frat house," but I'm not sure how true that was, but if it was an actual frat house and he didn't make any payments, that's more savings. But I don't think he wanted to stay in the frat house.

Buck also couch-surfed in LA! He lived with Chimney and then Maddie, for a considerable amount of time before ever moving into his apartment. Time he likely spent saving.

Anyway, that’s what we know. I still can’t ever believe the Buckley parents ever set up trustfunds. Neither Maddie nor Buck saw a dime after they left or were cut off. Not until more recently now that the Buckley Parents are attempting to make an effort. Still, Buck and Maddie grew up self-efficient, relying on each other, not their parents.

On an unrelated note, I would be interested to see a storyline of when one of their parents passes away though. If they do get left with money, I wonder if it would strike up the argument that money doesn't fix all the problems and neglect they experienced during their childhood and beyond.