#like we were reading through hunchback of notre dame in theater

[a-crawling-chaos]

latin and spanish writing look virtually the same to me so sometimes i'll just unthinkingly translate latin

its so great

[dweemeister]

Movie Odyssey Retrospective

The Phantom of the Opera (1925)

By the time French journalist-turned-novelist Gaston Leroux published Le Fantôme de l'Opéra as a serial in 1909, he was best known for his detective fiction, deeply influenced by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and Edgar Allan Poe. The Phantom of the Opera plays out like a Poe work – teeming with the macabre, painted with one character’s fanatic, violent lust. In serial form and, later, as a novel, Leroux’s work won praise across the West. One of the book’s many fans was Universal Pictures president Carl Laemmle who, on a 1922 trip to Paris, met with Leroux. While on the trip, he read Phantom (a copy gifted to him by Leroux) in a single night, and bought the film rights with a certain actor already in mind.

Laemmle’s first and only choice for the role of the Phantom was about to play Quasimodo in Universal’s 1923 adaptation of Victor Hugo’s The Hunchback of Notre Dame. That actor, Lon Chaney, had subsisted on bit roles and background parts since entering into a contract with Universal in 1912. Chaney, who was about to sign a contract with Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer (MGM), became an instant sensation the moment The Hunchback of Notre Dame hit theaters. Audiences and critics in the early 1920s were simultaneously horrified at the sight of his Quasimodo yet, crucially, felt a profound empathy towards the character.

In his prior films, as well as Hunchback, Chaney separated himself from his fellow bit actors with a skill that almost no other actor in Hollywood possessed: he was also a makeup artist. At this time, actors applied their own makeup – often simple cosmetics or unconvincing facial hair. None of the major Hollywood studios had makeup departments in the early 1920s, and it would not be until the 1940s that each studio had such a department. Chaney, the son of two deaf and mute adults, was also a master of physical acting, and could expertly use his hands and arms to empower a scene. Though already bound for MGM, Chaney could not possibly pass up the role of Erik, the Phantom. Despite frequent clashes with director Rupert Julian (1923’s Merry-Go-Round and 1930’s The Cat Creeps; despite being Universal’s most acclaimed director at this time, Julian was either sacked or walked away mid-production), Chaney’s performance alone earned him his place in cinematic history and, for this film, an iconic work of horror cinema and silent film.

As the film begins, we find ourselves at the Palais Garnier, home of the Paris Opera. The Opera’s management has resigned, turning over the Palais Garnier to new ownership. As the ink dries on the contract and as the previous owners depart, they warn about a Phantom of the Opera, who likes sitting in one of the box seats. Soon after, prima donna Carlotta (Virginia Pearson) receives a threatening letter from the Phantom. She must step aside and allow a chorus girl, Christine Daaé (Mary Philbin), sing the lead role in Charles Gounod’s Faust. If she refuses to comply, the Phantom promises something horrific. Aware of the letter, Christine the next day confers with her loved one, the Vicomte Raoul de Chagny (Norman Kerry), that she has been receiving musical guidance from a “Spirit of Music”, whom she has heard through the walls of her dressing room. Raoul laughs this off, but a series of murderous incidents at that evening’s production of Faust is no laughing matter. Christine eventually meets the shadowy musical genius of the Phantom, whose name is Erik (Chaney). In his subterranean lair, he professes his love to her – a love that will never die.

Rupert Julian’s The Phantom of the Opera also stars Arthur Edmund Carewe as the Inspector Ledoux (for fans of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s musical version, this is the Madame Giry character); Gibson Gowland as Simon Buquet; and John St. Polis as Raoul’s brother, the Comte Philippe de Chagny.

Before extoling this film, one has to single out Mary Philbin and Norman Kerry as the glaring underperformers in this adaptation. Philbin would become a much better actress than she displays here, if The Man Who Laughs (1928) is any indication. Yet, Philbin’s Christine is a blank slate, devoid of much personality and interest. It also does not help that Norman Kerry plays Raoul in a similar fashion. Raoul, in any adaptation of Phantom, tends to be a boring role. But goodness me, for a B-actor who was acclaimed for his tall, dark, and handsome looks and screen persona, he is a charisma vacuum here. During Kerry’s more intimate scenes with Philbin, you may notice that Kerry has a case of “roving hands” when he gets close with Philbin. Philbin, who could not visibly react to these moments on-camera, surreptitiously took Kerry’s hands and held them there to stop the touching.

Philbin is much better when sharing the screen opposite Chaney. Chaney and Philbin both could not stand director Rupert Julian – whom both actors, as well almost all of the crew, regarded as an imposing fraud who knew little about making art and more about how to cut costs (Laemmle appointed Julian for this film in part due to Julian’s reputation for delivering work under budget). There are unconfirmed accounts that after Julian’s departure or removal from Phantom, Chaney himself directed the remainder of the shoot aside from the final climactic chase scene (which was the uncredited Edward Sedgwick’s responsibility). In any case, Philbin’s terror when around Chaney was real. The sets of the Phantom’s lair reportedly spooked her – the subterranean waterways, his inner sanctum. Philbin also received no preparation before the filming of what is now one of the signature moments of the silent film era and all of horror cinema. Her reaction to Lon Chaney’s self-applied makeup – meant to appear half-skin, half-skeletal – was the first time that she saw Chaney’s Phantom in all his gruesomeness. Philbin, freed of the innocent, pedestrian dialogue of the film’s opening act, gifts to the camera one hell of a reaction, fully fitting within the bounds of silent film horror.

There are conflicting records on how Chaney achieved the Phantom’s final appearance. The descriptions forthcoming are the elements that freely-available scholarship generally accepts as true. It appears that Chaney utilized a skull cap to raise his forehead’s height, as well as marking deep pencil lines onto that cap to accentuate wrinkles and his brow. He also raised his cheekbones by stuffing cotton into his cheeks, as well as placing a set of stylized, decaying dentures. Inner-nasal wiring altered the angle of his nose, and white highlights across his face contributed to his skeletal look for the cameras. Cinematographer Charles Van Enger (1920's The Last of the Mohicans, uncredited on 1925's The Big Parade) – who, other than Chaney, was one of the most familiar onset with Chaney’s makeup – claimed that the nasal wiring sometimes led to significant bleeding. Taking inspiration from Chaney’s approach to keeping the makeup artistry hidden from Philbin and others, Universal kept the Phantom’s true appearance a secret from the public and press. The studio advised movie theaters to keep smelling salts ready, in case of audience members fainting during the unmasking scene. According to popular reporting at the time, audience members did scream and faint upon the reveal; a nine-year-old Gregory Peck’s first movie memory was being so terrified of Lon Chaney’s Phantom, that he asked to sleep with his grandmother that evening after he came home.

Lon Chaney’s tremendous performance allows The Phantom of the Opera to soar. Arguably, it is his career pinnacle. Masked or unmasked, Chaney’s Phantom dominates the frame at any moment he is onscreen aside from the film’s final chase sequence. Whether glowering over Christine, majestically gesturing in silhouette, strutting down the Opera House steps during the Bal Masqué, or tucked into the corner of the frame, Chaney’s physical presence draws the audience’s eyes to whatever he is doing. The differences in posture from before and after the unmasking scene are striking – from an elegant specter to a broken, hunched figure (appearing to draw some inspiration from his experience playing Quasimodo two years earlier) seething with pent-up carnality, rage, and sorrow. Chaney’s Phantom garners the audience’s sympathy when he gives Christine the grand tour of his chambers. Look at his posture and hands when he mentions, “That is where I sleep,” and, “If I am the Phantom, it is because man’s hatred has made me so.”  That Chaney can ease through these transitions and transformations – as well as a third transformation, as the Red Death during the Bal Masqué – so naturally, without a misstep, is a testament to his acting ability.

Underneath the tortured and twisted visage of a man who has committed horrific acts is a vulnerable and misguided human being. His dreams, dashed and discarded by all others, have turned to despicable means. The role of the Phantom plays brilliantly to Chaney’s genius: to have audiences sympathize with even the most despicable or despondent characters he played. Chaney accomplishes this despite this film characterizing the Phantom with less sympathy than Leroux’s original novel and the popular Andrew Lloyd Webber musical.

This is already on top of Charles Van Enger’s camerawork; the sharp editing from a team including Edward Curtiss (1932’s Scarface) Maurice Pivar (1923’s The Hunchback of Notre Dame), Gilmore Walker (1927’s Uncle Tom’s Cabin), and Lois Weber.

Weber, who in 1916 was Universal’s highest-paid director, underwent numerous financial difficulties over that decade. One of Hollywood’s first true auteurs and largely ignored in the history of film until recently, Weber formed her own production company with Universal’s assistance in 1917, off the success of Shoes (1916). Through World War I, Weber’s movies were popular until around the turn of the decade, when her “didactic” filmmaking (a result of her devout Christian upbringing) went out of style. Most visibly among Weber’s financial failures of the early 1920s, The Blot (1921) – a movie that scholars and Weber himself considered her best – flopped in theaters. After two hiatuses from filmmaking in the early 1920s, Weber was brought in to conduct the final bits of editing on The Phantom of the Opera before returning to directing under Universal.

Though none of the film’s production designers were yet to hit their peak, The Phantom of the Opera benefitted from having a soon-to-be all-star art department including James Basevi (1944’s The Song of Bernadette), Cedric Gibbons (almost any and all MGM movies from 1925 onward), and Robert Florey (1932’s Murders in the Rue Morgue). Inspired by designs sketched by French art director Ben Carré, the production design trio spared no expense to bring Carré’s illustrations to life and used the entirety of Universal’s Soundstage 28 to construct all necessary interior sets. The set’s five tiers of seating and vast foyer needed to support several hundred extras. So unlike the customary wooden supports commonplace during the silent era for gargantuan sets, The Phantom of the Opera’s set for the Palais Garnier became the first film set ever to use steel supports planted into concrete. Basevi, Gibbons, and Florey’s work is glorious, with no special effects to supplement the visuals. The seventeen-minute Bal Masqué scene – which was shot in gorgeous two-strip Technicolor (the earliest form of Technicolor, which emphasized greens and reds) – is the most striking of all, unfurling its gaudy magnificence to heights rarely seen in cinema.

Universal’s Soundstage 28 was an integral part of the VIP tour at Universal Studios Hollywood for decades. Though the orchestra seats and the stage of the film’s Palais Garnier had long gone, the backside box seats of the auditorium remained. Stage 28 featured in numerous films after The Phantom of the Opera, including Dracula (1931), the Lon Chaney biopic Man of a Thousand Faces (1957), Psycho (1960), Charade (1963), Jurassic Park (1993), How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000), and The Muppets (2011). The soundstage was also supposedly haunted, with individuals claiming to see a caped figure (Lon Chaney as the Phantom?) running around the catwalks, lights flickering on and off, and doors opening and closing on their own. In 2014, after standing for almost ninety years, Universal decided to demolish Stage 28 so as to expand its theme park. However, the historic set escaped the wrecking ball, as Universal decided to disassemble the set, place it into storage, and perhaps someday reassemble it. It is a fate far kinder than almost all other production design relics from the silent era.

Unlike what was coming out of Weimar Germany in the 1920s in the form of German Expressionism, American horror films had no template to follow when The Phantom of the Opera arrived in theaters. There would be no codification of American horror cinema’s tropes and sense of timing until the next decade. But without 1925’s The Phantom of the Opera, Universal would never become the house of horror it did in the 1930s through the early ‘50s (including the Dracula, Frankenstein, Mummy, Invisible Man, Wolf Man, and Creature from the Black Lagoon series). So, unbound by any unwritten guidelines, 1925’s The Phantom of the Opera – a horror film, but arguably also a melodrama with elements of horror – consumes the viewer with its chilling atmosphere and, from Lon Chaney, one of the best cinematic performances ever, without any qualification. For silent film novices, this is one of the best films to begin with (outside the comedies of Charlie Chaplin, Buster Keaton, and Harold Lloyd). Regardless of one’s familiarity with silent film, The Phantom of the Opera is a cinematic milestone.

My rating: 9.5/10

^ Based on my personal imdb rating. My interpretation of that ratings system can be found in the “Ratings system” page on my blog. Half-points are always rounded down.

For more of my reviews tagged “My Movie Odyssey”, check out the tag of the same name on my blog.

This is the twenty-third Movie Odyssey Retrospective. Movie Odyssey Retrospectives are reviews on films I had seen in their entirety before this blog’s creation or films I failed to give a full-length write-up to following the blog’s creation. Previous Retrospectives include Dracula (1931 English-language version), Oliver! (1968), and Peter Pan (1953).

[anne-bsd-bibliophile]

The Hunchback of Notre Dame has been one of my favorite movies since I was a child. I still have the Quasimodo doll I carried around everywhere with me. Even though it is one of the darkest Disney movies, I've always loved the music, the story, and of course the main character Quasimodo.

As an adult I have had the opportunity to watch the live stage production of The Hunchback of Notre Dame. When adapting the script for the stage the plot was change to be more like the original novel by Victor Hugo. The silly songs the gargoyle characters sang were taken out, Frollo was made into a much more complex and interesting villain, and the ending is not as idealistic. When leaving the theater I heard plenty of comments that the play version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame isn't anywhere near as child friendly as the animated movie is.

I realized while watching the play that this story is like bookends for the most traumatic years of my life. When I first watched the animated movie I had no idea that there would be so many parallels between my relationship with my own father and the relationship Quasimodo has with Frollo. When I watched the stage play as an adult it was after my lifelong battle against my father was over, because my father had recently passed away due to health issues, and the play put a lot of what I had been through into a new perspective for me. The Hunchback of Notre Dame has always been a story I related to and revisited frequently, but it wasn't until I watched the live musical that I understood for the first time how horrible growing up with a narcissistic father truly is. And it made sense why no one believes that I've lived through what I have.

I'm not sure if what I've written here will make sense to anyone who is unfamiliar with The Hunchback of Notre Dame. If you haven't watched the Disney movie, seen the musical version, or read Notre Dame de Paris by Victor Hugo, the novel the movie and play are based on, then I would recommend reading or watching any of them. I've done my best to put my experience into words honestly and clearly, so I hope that it will make sense even if you are unfamiliar with the story of The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

I hope that by explaining how I relate to specific lines and songs from The Hunchback of Notre Dame musical that I can more easily explain what I've lived through. It's difficult to put into words what having a narcissistic parent is like and the trauma I live with because of it. The few times I've tried to explain it the other person thought I was exaggerating or making it up. When I was in counseling my therapist didn't realize the situation was as bad as I said it was until we had a few sessions with my father in the room. After that I was diagnosed with PTSD, severe depression, and severe anxiety. And the fact that I'm autistic makes everything that much more difficult for me to deal with and process, and it also made my father treat me that much worse. I'm not exaggerating when I say that my father treated me in a way that is very similar to how Frollo treated Quasimodo. I hope that by comparing my life with the play The Hunchback of Notre Dame I will be able to convey what I want to in a way that is more understandable to people who haven't lived it. And I don't have anyone who would listen to me talk about this in my personal life, so I hope it is okay for me to write out my thoughts here.

I also want to preface this by saying that I do not in any way think individuals with narcissistic personality disorder are monsters. Everyone is capable of being cruel and we all make mistakes. But in my experience people use personality disorders as a way to excuse abusive behavior. Abuse is still abuse, no matter who does it. People in the past have liked to tell me that I am also responsible the poor relationship between me and my father, and many of my family and friends have accused me of causing it. It took me years to figure out that as a child I didn't do anything to cause my father to be emotionally abusive to me. Yes, I'm not perfect and I could have responded better in a lot of ways, but I was also a child figuring out how to protect myself and understand why my dad was treating me the way he did. As a teenager when I was fighting back and trying to distance myself from him I was told constantly that I had to "love him through it" as if it was my responsibility as the child to accept and love my father even though he was emotionally abusing me constantly. So while I'm not in any way saying that individuals with narcissistic personality disorder are terrible people, I also want to convey what I experienced as honestly as I can. I am only talking about my experience with my own father, nothing more.

The Bells of Notre Dame (at 5:44)

Frollo: Oh Lord, you have sent me a test. This child is my cross to bear. ... See this loathsome creature from whom lesser men would flee, I will keep and care for him and teach him at my knee to think like me.

Sam Vaknin, a professor of psychology who has done a lot of work on narcissistic personality disorder, described narcissism as a religion in which the narcissistic individual is both the god and the sole worshiper. In my mom's words, my narcissistic father always had to be the smartest person in the room. He didn't think that anyone else was smart enough, talented enough, or good enough on their own and that everyone needed him to guide them down the right path. And because I grew up in a religious family that belonged to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day saints (or the LDS church), I was taught my entire life that my father is the patriarch of the family, that he received revelation from God for the good of the family, and that I needed to honor and obey my father because that's what God wanted me to do. In a literal sense, I grew up believing that if I disobeyed my father I was sinning and that idea was heavily reinforced at home and at church, where my father held a variety of leadership positions throughout his life.

Frollo's line, "See this loathsome creature from whom lesser men would flee, I will keep and care for him and teach him at my knee to think like me," gives me chills every time I hear it. This is exactly how my father thought of me. He told me constantly how weird I was and that I had to listen to and obey everything he said or else no one would love me. He viewed me being autistic as being a mentally deformed monster and it was his job as my father to fix me and make me normal. Normal meaning to think and act exactly how he wanted me to. And because my father thought of himself as being on the same level as God he also believed it was okay to punish me when I disobeyed.

Out There (at 0:47)

Frollo: You are deformed and you are ugly. And these are crimes for which the world shows little pity. You do not comprehend. Out there they'll revile you as a monster. Out there they will hate and scorn and jeer. ... be faithful to me, grateful to me. Do as I say. Obey, and stay in here.

I've always been hyperaware of rules and I do everything I can to follow them. I was also aware from a young age that my father's love was conditional, so I tried desperately to do what he asked. What child doesn't want their father to love them? Of course I wanted to be a good daughter. Of course I thought my father loved me and wanted what was best for me. In that sense I was very much like Quasimodo. I didn't know any different so I wasn't aware that what my father asked me to do was very controlling and selfish on his part. I didn't know that he was essentially brainwashing me to think my father was on a pedestal while I was a monster who needed his guidance in order to find salvation. I was told constantly that if I talked about my interests I wouldn't have any friends, if I told my sisters to follow the rules that I was being tyrannical and mean, if I didn't have milk on my cereal then I wasn't normal and everyone would think I was weird, if I didn't do everything my father said then I was an ungrateful child.

Even though my father is dead, I still have his voice essentially programmed into my subconscious. He is still there telling me how unlovable I am, that I'm incapable of loving others, I'm selfish, ungrateful, annoying, weird, etc. My first instinct is to blame myself for anything that goes wrong because that's what my father would do. And he had convinced everyone in the family, at church, and in the community that I was all those things. He was a religious leader and he acted the part of the perfect father for everyone else. None of them knew how emotionally abusive he was at home. And if my sisters would agree with him then he would reward them generously, so they went along with everything he said. My sisters' friends all thought I was mentally unstable, angry, and hateful. But in reality the people who knew me but didn't know my father thought I was kind, intelligent, patient, loving, and that I was too hard on myself. My mom and counselors have reassured me that I'm the opposite of what my father said I was.

I didn't realize until I was an adult that the reason people viewed me as weird and selfish wasn't because of who I was or what I did, but because my father convinced everyone that was what I was. My father was the one who saw me as a monster. Just like how in The Hunchback of Notre Dame the character Frollo raises Quasimodo to believe that he is deformed, ugly, and that he needs Frollo to teach him and protect him. I believed for most of my life that my father was right, I was weird and unlovable, and that I had to be better in order to deserve love and kindness. The difference between my life and Quasimodo's is that my father didn't want to hide me away. My father wanted me to do and say things that made him look good. He wanted to be able to brag to others about all the good things I did in public while telling me I still wasn't doing good enough in private. I had to act the part of his perfect daughter everywhere I went. I wasn't allowed to be myself because I wasn't good enough in his eyes.

My relationship with my father changed drastically when we were in public. When other people could see us my father would compliment me, smile, joke, buy me things, brag about me, etc. But at home he wouldn't listen to a word I said, blamed me for everything, never said a kind word about me that wasn't a backhanded compliment, punished me severely for the most insignificant things, etc. Here are just a few examples:

I told my father the same thing about my day five times while he was "listening" to me and playing a video game at the same time but he didn't notice, which proved he wasn't listening at all.

My sister came home late from hanging out with her friends and my father got mad at me, saying that if I was a better older sister she wouldn't have rebelled and disobeyed him.

My sister and I got into a little fight over whose turn it was to do their hair in the bathroom we shared and my sister threw the blow-dryer at my head. I had to do my hair in my room from then on, and my father made me use my first paycheck from my first job to buy my sister a new blow-dryer, shampoo, conditioner, and anything else she said I had "ruined" by using (even though I had never used any of them).

I was banned from talking whenever my sisters were in the room. At family dinner I tried to ask my mom to pass something down the table to me and immediately my father and sisters got after me for talking. Later in counseling my father insisted he had to ban me from speaking because he had to "protect my sisters from being bored." Everything I had to say was viewed as boring and worthless, so he saw nothing wrong with silencing me completely.

When I got my drivers license it became my job to drive my sister to school. My sister was always late to everything, which made me late for class every day. I was an honors student, had a near perfect GPA, and I was proud of how well I did in school. But after my sister started making me late people thought I was slacking off and didn't view me the same way. When I threated to leave my sister if she wasn't ready on time one day my father yelled at me, told me I was a horrible example, accused me of being mentally unstable, and said he would take my keys away and make me ride the bus if I ever left without my sister. So until my sister was old enough to dive (two years later) I was late to school every day.

I hate drinking milk, and I didn't put milk on my cereal. My father thought that was unforgivable and forced me to sit at the table and eat a bowl of cereal with milk until every drop was gone because "it's not normal, and people would tease me" if I ate my cereal without milk. I have never eaten breakfast cereal again, and the thought of it makes me sick to my stomach. I found out later that I'm lactose intolerant and that is why I didn't like milk.

I didn't make my father feel like I was grateful enough for him "allowing my mom to take me to lunch," so he threatened to never let me see my mom again. He admitted constantly that he was jealous that my mom and I were close and he did everything he could to keep my mom from spending time with me. He thought it was incredibly magnanimous of him to allow my mom to take me to lunch once a week. And when he would go on vacations with my mom, and they were on vacation roughly four months out of the year, he would be very angry when my mom and I would talk on the phone. My father thought my mom needed to pay attention to only him because they were married.

One year on my birthday, I went through a type of coming of age ceremony in the LDS church called an Endowment. It involves a lot of specific actions and procedures that you aren't allowed to talk about outside of an LDS temple, so everything was new to me. I get very nervous doing new things in front of people, one of my autistic traits, so I wanted to only have my mom with me when I did my Endowment. My bishop and therapist, who is also LDS, were very supportive. My father, however, was upset that I didn't want to have everyone in the family and people from church there. The week before my we had a counseling session with my therapist where he encouraged my father to be supportive and make the day what I wanted it to be since it was a big milestone in my life and it was my birthday. Instead, my father complained to the entire family that I was excluding him and told everyone how hurt he was by my selfishness. I have an hour long recording of one phone call where my father is berating my mother, saying that if she had forced me to do everything his way that the family wouldn't have been torn apart by me going through a religious ceremony. It has been five years since then and my extended family still has never talked to me since, not even at my father's funeral. This is also one of the big reasons why I am no longer a member of the LDS church.

Listing these things out makes me scared that people will think I'm too sensitive and that I'm overreacting. Nothing in this list seems bad enough on its own to cause the kind of trauma response I experience while thinking about them. But whenever I was with my father these kinds of things would happen constantly. The only break I got was when my father was out of the house. I had a wonderful childhood until I was about eight years old, and I wondered for years about what I did wrong to make my father treat me so much worse after that. But I realized that I didn't change, the situation did. When I was really little my father was so busy making a name for himself at work, at church, and in the community that he was rarely ever home. That is why there were no problems and I wasn't a "bad daughter" until I was eight and my father started to spend more time at home. From then on I lived with constant emotional abuse from my father, and that is why I have PTSD now.

When learning more about narcissistic abuse I came across a video by Sam Vaknin that where he explains: "The narcissist wants you dead. He wants you dead because he is already dead. ... The narcissist wants you to join him there, and to do that he needs to kill you. I'm sorry to break the news to you. He needs to break your spirit. He needs to destroy what some of you call the 'soul.'" What makes me who I am, or my 'true self' if you want to call it that, was something my father viewed to be wrong and threatening. Everything that made me who I am and not who my father thought I should be, and he wanted me to be another version of himself, my father did everything he could to destroy. That's why I have been diagnosed with PTSD; I spent most of my life fighting a war against my father and everyone he brought to his side. I was fighting to preserve myself. I was fighting to be an individual and to be recognized for who I really am and not all the lies my father spread about me. I grew up thinking that emotional abuse was normal. Emotional extortion and manipulation were constantly part of my life.

Heaven's Light (at 0:43)

Quasimodo: I knew I'd never know that warm and loving glow, though I might wish with all my might. No face as hideous as my face was ever meant for heaven's light.

This song always makes me cry. I was envious of Quasimodo the first time I heard this song live. By the time I was an adult I didn't hope that anyone could love me anymore. I still feel like I'm too weird for anyone to love me. Who would want someone who is autistic, has PTSD, is depressed, and has severe social anxiety? If I wasn't the monster my father thought I was then he'd turned me into a different kind of monster. I wish I could be as hopeful as Quasimodo and be able to hope that someone I admired could love me back in some way. I remind myself all the time that I'm not really that hopeless, that there are a few people who care about me. But it takes a lot for me to believe that someone thinks I'm a good person or would want to listen to and spend time with me.

Hellfire (0:50)

Frollo: Beata Maria, you know I am a righteous man. Of my virtue, I am justly proud ... Beata Maria, you know I'm so much purer than the common, vulgar, weak, licentious crowd ...

Hellfire (2:00)

Frollo: It's not my fault. I'm not to blame. ... It's not my fault if in God's plan, he made the devil so much strong than the man. ... Now gypsy, it's your turn. Choose me or your pyre. Be mine or you will burn ...

Frollo makes it very clear that he thinks he is better than everyone else because of how righteous he is and his position as the Archdeacon. He considers his word to be the word of God, and if people do not listen to him then they are wicked and deserve to be punished. In Frollo's mind he can do nothing wrong, every action of his is justified, and because he thinks of himself as a spiritual giant if he can't resist temptation then that means no one can. This song is very dark, especially for a Disney movie or musical. If you didn't think Frollo was evil before you definitely would at this point in the story.

In the LDS church they teach that before we were born we lived in with God, and in God's plan he needed someone to be a savior to the world and atone for everyone's sins. Satan wanted to force everyone to do what is right so there would be no sin, but Jesus Christ volunteered to atone for everyone's sins so we could repent and be saved. Satan's plan would have taken away our agency to choose for ourselves and learn from our mistakes, which is seen as evil in the LDS church. Taking away someone's right to choose for themselves would be what the devils wants, not what God wants.

Now this is where it becomes obvious how hypocritical my father could be. He prided himself on his church callings, being a priesthood holder, and loving his religion. But at the same time he insisted that he, as the patriarch of the family, knew what was best and we all had to do everything he said and accept what he said without question. Essentially, he was so controlling he wanted to take away any choices we had to make, from major life decisions to something as simple as whether or not I wanted to have cereal with or without milk. When I told my mom that I thought my father's controlling tendencies were following Satan's plan she confided in me that she had thought the same thing for years, but she didn't want to say anything and make us children think poorly of our father.

My father would also never admit to being wrong. He could be caught red handed and still insist that he didn't do it. One of his favorite phrases was, "It wasn't my intention to do that." He thought that if he claimed to have good intentions that he wasn't responsible for the results if they were bad. Even when he did something as obviously abusive as banning me from talking, to his dying day he never once thought that was wrong. And in counseling when it was brought up that his actions had caused me to be scare to talk about myself and open up to other my father acted like it was better if I was scared to talk. If the result was what he wanted he saw nothing wrong with it, and if I went against him by talking about my interests with anyone then I deserved to be punished. And the punishments were always severe. Just for talking when my father thought I should have been silent he tried to take away my phone, my car, keep me from going to extra curricular activities, and when I was an adult and he couldn't hold those things over my head anymore he would threaten to never let me see my mom. Luckily my mom was better at establishing and enforcing healthy boundaries, because she stood up for me and wouldn't let my father keep her from doing what she needed to as my mother.

Made of Stone (at 2:55)

Quasimodo: And now I'm on my own, never again to wonder what's 'out there.' Let me remain unknown and my one human eye will evermore be dry until the day I die, as if I were made of stone!

This song is a new addition to the musical, so people who are only familiar with the animated movie will not be familiar with it. If I had heard this song as a child I would have been too innocent and inexperienced to relate to Quasimodo. After being pushed so far and living through hell long enough you lose hope. Feelings and hopes don't serve any purpose anymore other than to remind you of what you cannot have. When you are in the depths of despair and there is nothing you can do to climb out of the emotional pit you find yourself in, what other options are there than to become numb and unresponsive as if you were made of stone? As an adult sitting in the theater listening to this song for the first time, I related so much to how Quasimodo feels that it took everything I had to keep from bursting into tears. When I got home I cried for hours because I finally realized that the character I've loved for as long as I can remember is more like me than I ever wanted to admit.

There is a method that victims of narcissistic abuse use to protect themselves called "the grey rock method." Essentially, if you don't react then the narcissist doesn't have anything to react to either. By showing no emotional, avoiding eye contact (which is natural for me because of my autism), and giving short answers or no answer at all you don't give the other person any fuel for their fire. It is like you are made of stone. And eventually, after grey rocking for long enough, you do stop to feel emotion in those situations. For about the last five years that my father was alive, I had gotten to the point where either I felt absolutely nothing at all when he was around and acted like a statue whenever he was in the room, or I would be so angry and emotionally volatile that I didn't even recognize myself. Most people who know me are shocked that I can even get angry, and when I do get a little mad my coworkers think it's a little comical because it is so unlike me. But the last argument I had with my father it got so heated that I started to literally look for a giant rock to bash his head in with. I scared myself so badly at that point that I turned off my emotions completely, walked away, and never spoke to my father again.

You can't change a narcissist. There is no cure for narcissistic personality disorder. And while I know that my father was sick and had no control over how his brain worked, similar to how I can't cure autism in myself, interacting with my father in a healthy was was too difficult for me to achieve. While in counseling, it became clear that my role as a child made it practically impossible for me to set healthy boundaries with my father. He never listened to me or considered anything that came from me to be valid or important. He blamed me for everything, no matter how little sense it made to do so. He wouldn't even pretend for the counselor anymore that he wanted what was best for me. I realized he didn't care about me the moment he insisted that banning me from speaking for years was the right thing to do because he felt he had to protect my sister from me saying something that might be boring to them.

In counseling I mourned the relationship I thought I had with my father. I realized he had never been capable of loving me from the beginning. The reason I have a hard time loving myself and knowing who I really am is because my father taught me that I was some kind of monster. So six months ago when my father died I didn't have anything left to mourn. When he died my biggest worry was that I would be too happy at his funeral. For me the lifelong war I had exhausted myself fighting was over. It was a war no one could win and everyone involved was a casualty of. All I could hope to achieve was to not let my father destroy who I am. I don't think I succeeded completely, but now that he is dead I have been able to start recovering from the abuse he put me and my family through. Life has been so much better without him.

Like I mentioned before, I still have my father's voice in my head telling me horrible things about myself over and over. Now that my father is gone there is no one here to tell me it is wrong for me to be myself, which is much more freeing than I anticipated it would be. I'm learning more about parenting my inner child. I'm studying Taoism and learning about how to live in a calmer way and how to discover and accept my true self. I'm no longer part of the religion I grew up in that I've realized encouraged the narcissistic abuse (I realize that wasn't the LDS Church's intention, but that doesn't change the fact that the religious culture gave my father justification for abusing his family).

Finale (From 12:48-13:42)

But here is a riddle to guess if you can sing the bells of Notre Dame: What makes a monster and what makes a man?

This is a riddle I'm still trying to solve in my own life. By the end of the musical it should be obvious that the seemingly righteous Frollo was the true monster all along and that Quasimodo who looked deformed on the outside was far more compassionate and admirable than Frollo ever was. I wish my life was as easy to understand as that. But people are more complex than even stories and classic literature like Notre Dame de Paris by Victor Hugo makes them out to be. I can't simply classify my father as a villain and myself as the hero. I don't want to be stuck in a victim mentality anyway because it wouldn't help me.

Luckily for me, my story didn't end the way the musical version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame did. Instead of being killed like Frollo in the play, thrown by Quasimodo from the top of Notre Dame, my father died from health issues. In the play, Quasimodo watched Esmerelda die and hides with her body. Years later his skeleton is found embracing Esmeralda's skeleton. In my story me and my mom survived and we have the chance to start over and be who we want to be for the rest of our lives.

I would never say that my father was a complete monster, but he definitely felt like the villain in my life. Him suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder does not excuse him abusing others. Narcissism is difficult to understand. I spent most of my life wondering why my father thought the way he did and felt like he was doing everything right when what he was doing was abusive. The more I learned about narcissism the more I realized my mind won't be able to go to the same place my father's did. I will never truly understand him. But I need to understand enough that I can know what is and isn't my own fault. I have a playlist of videos on YouTube with experts on narcissism and narcissistic abuse explaining narcissism and what it is like for victims of narcissistic abuse. I put the playlist together because I don't think people will believe me when I tell them what I am dealing with and what I've lived through. I wanted to have sources from professionals and experts that are easy to understand and access. I wanted to share the link to the playlist in case it is interesting to anyone or if it can be helpful.

My mom made all the difference for my situation. Without her I would have lost myself from the start. She accepted me, my father, and my siblings for who we are and did her best to support and protect every member of the family. My mom is my best friend and the one person I know will always care and do what is best for me. And through the toughest years of my life I was fortunate enough to have a friend here on Tumblr who has helped me more than I can say. Then when my father was dying and I was dealing with emotions, supporting my mom as she was taking care of a dying husband, and coping with everything another online friend reached out and has been here to check on me and help me through it all. At various points in my life I have been able to find the support and kindness I needed to get through. I feel very lucky to have had those people in my life.

I have the rest of my life to figure out "what makes a monster and what makes a man?" The Hunchback of Notre Dame presented that riddle to me as a child in a movie theater and I was still trying to figure out the answers as an adult sitting in a theater watching the musical version of the movie I grew up with. Honestly, I don't think there is one perfect answer to "what makes a monster and what makes a man?" People are too complex for there to be a simple answer, and we are constantly changing. I'm sure I will constantly be learning and finding new perspectives throughout my life that will change what I think the riddle's answer is. I do know for sure that never want to make anyone go through what I experienced because of my father. I don't want to make anyone else feel that they are unloved, unwanted, and monstrous. What I want is to be aware of who I am as a person, how I influence the world around me, and be as compassionate, kind, understanding, and accepting as I can be.

[saint-starflicker]

Thank you for tagging!

last song: I want to say 3 because I think only the 1 is non-indicative. "Not Your Summer" by the Academics only because the algorithm recommended it but I generally liked it; Mack Lorén and Corps Météor's cover of "The Winner Takes It All" which I like better than the original version of the song; and "Heaven's Light" from the OBC cast recording of The Hunchback of Notre Dame (I'm open to discussing the flaws and controversies and history of this work, but whatever Michael Arden is doing with his breathing 48 seconds in has made those syllables my Blorbo.)

last show: Does this count?

Being a documentary, it's nonfiction though. I tried to get into Lucifer and Love, Victor. I think the last one I really stayed on with was the first season of Bridgerton but now there's a second season that I haven't seen so I technically have not stayed on with it.

currently reading: Persuasion by Jane Austen. Last year I set off on an unsuccessful mission to read 'em all! Except for Sanditon and the juvenilia. Sense and Sensibility was all right, I did not ship those ships but contrary to the reputation of these works it was actually not really about romance or shipping. I love, love, love Northanger Abby. I wanted to like Austen's secret abolitionist manifesto Mansfield Park but I hated hated hated it because there are 19 paragraphs about whether Fanny is going to wear a pendant to the ball on a ribbon or on a chain...when people say that Austen or Regency Romance is not their thing, it is probably because they think it's all like Mansfield Park. And then when I reach the end of the ballroom accessories discourse chapter and breathe a sigh of relief and move on to the next chapter the fashion accessories discourse continues aaaaaaarghh. For one of her shorter works, Persuasion is dense and slow but I don't hate it. I'm about halfway through, it's supposed to be humane and philosophical and contemplative and has a mature sort of brilliance but I haven't found it yet. I wasn't planning to actually read Emma or Pride and Prejudice because I already watched so many movie adaptations and modernizations that I think I know the story without reading the books. But I might anyway, only to be sure.

current obsession: The theater gods have shown me mercy and eased my obsession with Bare: A Pop Oper...wait no I'm still obsessed. The gods are capricious and cruel. And the muses enable them—Melpomene! Calliope! Sappho! I thought we were pals.

If you are reading this and did not tag me, and you have the time and energy and think this will be fun...then tag you're it.

[allthefilmsiveseenforfree]

Dear Evan Hansen

You may have seen some ~online discourse~ about the film Dear Evan Hansen, an adaptation of the 2016 Broadway musical, and you might have wondered what all the hubbub is about. I mean, it’s a feel good story about a senior in high school, Evan Hansen (Ben Platt), who has some pretty severe anxiety and depression. While trying to fulfill an assignment from his therapist to write a letter to himself, his letter gets picked up by another student, Connor (Colton Ryan) - and later that day, Connor kills himself. Connor’s grieving parents and sister Zoe (Amy Adams, Danny Pino, and Kaitlyn Dever) are desperate to learn more from the boy they think was Connor’s best friend - after all, Connor’s suicide note was a letter addressed to “Dear Evan Hansen.” And, as you can imagine, Evan tells them about the unfortunate mistake and sits with them in their grief as they struggle to pick up the pieces of their lives. 

Just kidding! He lies to them, repeatedly, elaborately, expansively for months, constructing an entire false friendship with Connor that never happened, and ingratiating himself into the wealthy nuclear family he never had, in large part because he wants to get into Zoe’s pants! THIS IS THE PROTAGONIST OF THE STORY. Oh, and it’s a musical so there is a lot of singing and crying and singing WHILE crying and sometimes crying and not singing at all. But the #inspiration, you guys. 

Things I liked:

Pretty much everything but the story and Ben Platt’s performance. The supporting cast is stacked, and all of them do a great job at elevating material scraped directly out of a diaper worn by someone who just chewed their way through a copy of the DSM-5. 

A couple of the songs are damn catchy - “Waving Through a Window” and “You Will Be Found” are standouts for a reason - and here’s the thing, Platt sings them well. But as you’ll discover, there’s a lot more to a movie musical than just singing your part. 

Stephen Chbosky, the man behind every deep thought I and a lot of people in my generation had in 2006 after he wrote The Perks of Being a Wallflower, is a pretty good director. I particularly enjoyed the fanvid-type cuts in “Waving Through a Window” in conjunction with the lyrics, and his use of interstitial shots to flashbacks (and sometimes flashforwards!) is a neat little bit of shorthand that I thought was used sparingly enough to be effective. 

Amy Fucking Adams. She’s holding on so hard, so desperately to the idea of who her son could have been, rather than the reality of who he was, and she is full of such deep pain that is masked by an almost endless supply of patience with Evan and relentless positivity. All this made me want was Enchanted 2 even worse than I already did. 

Super into everything Zoe wears - the costuming department did a great job, and now all I want to do is live in mom jeans and baggy sweaters.

Did I Cry? I teared up a couple of times because I’m not a completely heartless bastard and when Amy Adams offered Evan Connor’s college money, my heart broke for the lie Evan had thrust upon her, and Julianne Moore’s song got me good, because she’s just a single mom to Evan who is doing her goddamn best. 

Things I hated more than the time I dropped a frozen gallon container of fruit cocktail on my pinkie toe in my parents’ garage and it turned black and I thought it was gonna fall off:

Ben Platt is 28 years old. He originated the role of Evan Hansen on Broadway, so in many respects it makes sense that he plays the role in the movie, except for the one kinda sorta important thing where he looks like a wizened old crone standing amongst a sea of children doing his best twitching, cringing Hunchback of Notre Dame impression. If you want someone to convincingly play 20 years their junior, hire Paul Rudd. Otherwise, please don’t ask me to believe that this supposed 18-year-old has crow’s feet. 

And that twitching nervous energy is a huge part of the black hole at the center of this film - he’s playing to the cheap seats and walking through the halls of his high school like a wet chihuahua. It’s an excruciating acting choice to watch - he doesn’t just have anxiety, he is on the verge of a nervous breakdown seemingly every second of every day. Like honestly, where is only-mentioned-never-seen Dr. Sherman, because this young man’s meds are NOT WORKING DR. SHERMAN. 

There’s such a lack of self-awareness on behalf of the writing, directing, and performance by Platt. There’s one song, “Sincerely, Me,” that offers the only glimpse of commentary about what Evan is doing, by pointing out the malicious ridiculousness of him writing a series of fake emails as proof of his and Connor’s friendship. 

Also what high schoolers email this much?? I know this was written in probably 2014 or so, but has a bitch never heard of a text? Even a DM? This whole plot is constructed around the premise that high schoolers are just constantly, constantly emailing each other. 

Everything - and I mean EV-ER-Y-THING - about Evan’s relationship with Zoe is so creepy and disturbing that with a soundtrack change, this could easily be a horror movie. He attempts to get her to like him by describing to her all the things her brother noticed about her - oh wait, I’m sorry, all the things HE noticed about her while he was skulking in the shadows following her around for years, watching every move she made, and it ends with him singing repeatedly “I LOVE YOU” because following a girl around and never having a conversation with her or knowing her at all is love, right? This was clearly written by the same people who chose “Every Breath You Take” as their wedding song because Sting is hot and they never actually listened to the damn words. 

And it gets about 10 billion times worse when Zoe goes to Evan’s house alone, takes him up to his room, and sings “I don’t need reasons to want you” and that was the moment I was that person I hate in a movie theater and I pulled out my phone to Google who wrote the music and lyrics to the musical (we were in the back row of the theater no one was behind me THIS WAS AN OUTRAGE EMERGENCY) and of motherfucking course it was written by Benj Pasek and Justin Paul, 2 men who heard about meeting an actual human woman from a friend one time but otherwise are unfamiliar with the concept. 

Lastly, enormous serial killer vibes from Evan sending unlabeled flash drives anonymously through the mail with no note in an attempt to right his wrongs. That’s not catharsis, that’s how the next installment in the Saw franchise starts, with Evan in a Billy the clown doll mask showing up on the screen and asking if you want to play a fucking game. 

Also, I know it’s not possible for the narrative to justify this in a way that could be satisfying based on Evan’s actions, but what is with this thing where single working-class mom Julianne Moore is turning down rich people’s money for Evan to go to college? Like, obviously we can’t have that happen in the movie but in real life, fuck your pride! Take those rich people’s money!

I also know how movies work but nothing annoys me more than a giant group of high schoolers all getting beeps and boops to indicate text notifications all at the same time because I don’t know a single person under the age of 55 who keeps their ringer on. That shit is on vibrate AT MOST, and I feel like that’s a millennial thing. 

The emotional climax of the film is obviously Evan’s WAY TOO LATE confession, but the idea that it’s prompted by Connor’s family suddenly getting a lot of internet hate is, frankly, laughable. If Sandy Hook taught me one thing, it is that no tragedy is immune from trolls who live only to cause other people devastating emotional pain on the internet. That shit starts day 1. Apparently no one involved in this production has ever been on Twitter?

Also it feels like there should have been a dog somewhere in this movie and there was no dog, so points off for that too. 

Perhaps Dear Evan Hansen isn’t nearly as deep as it aspires to be. Perhaps it’s a morality play, a simplistic message of “Don’t lie, kids, lying is bad!” Major studio movies wrap themselves up with a nice bow at the end so everyone can feel good about themselves and leave with a happy ending, but the moronic cruelty on display here makes that feat feel impossible. We’re left with Evan in an orchard, reading Connor’s favorite books and staring into the big blue sky with all the self-actualization he’s earned now as a lil treat. And if Evan Hansen looked like an actual 18-year-old, it would be a lot easier to extend more empathy to him and his not-fully-developed prefrontal cortex, but it’s a little harder with this fully-grown, weathered man who was old enough to remember seeing Liar Liar in theaters. 

Dear Evan Hansen, 

Get some actual help and a haircut and maybe you can grow up enough to have an actual healthy interaction with any other living person, ever.

Sincerely, 

Me

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[corellianhounds]

Top 5 Favorite Star Wars Villains

(In Order of How I Experienced Them and Why I Like Them As Characters)

I felt like making lists tonight with just some personal opinions. Long post below the cut.

Darth Vader: He was COOL he was INTIMIDATING he had the VOICE he had a CAPE he had GRAVITAS and THEME MUSIC. Really though, Vader is one of the most iconic villains, and a lot of it has to do with both how he looks and sounds, as well as how mysterious and intimidating he is. Vader is one of those villains who you knew was evil, but wasn’t so despicable you couldn’t focus on the story (like for example, Frollo from Hunchback of Notre Dame, that kind of thing). A lot of the allure comes from not being able to read him; you rely a lot on actions and the voice and James Earl Jones DELIVERED 🙌

Jabba the Hutt: I watched the og trilogy as a very young kid so tbh those three movies blend together for me if I haven’t seen them recently. That being said, everything with Jabba’s palace is what I think of first when I think “Star Wars.” That setting and those scenes were the most memorable for me. The practical effects, the overall design, the real sense of danger in this setting, the voice, and Princess Leia strangling him to death were all contributing factors.

Darth Maul: I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve seen all the prequels including repeats— there’s honestly not a lot I remember. However, of the prequel trilogy, he was the most memorable for me based on character design alone. He’s the bad guy, it’s obvious he’s the bad guy, he looks cool and scary, I remember the lightsaber fight being impressive and it does have one of the best musical scores across all the movies. Also the second he ignited the other half of his saber, child me was like :0 he can’t do that! That’s cheating! Oh, well, he IS the bad guy I guess... John Mulaney voice: “I didn’t know he could do That...”

Director Krennic: My friend paid for a movie ticket for me to go see Rogue One because she loved it so much and I’m so happy she did. I wasn’t all that impressed with The Force Awakens the previous year (I think?) and I didn’t know anything about Rogue One so I was hesitant/ambivalent, but 1. I love seeing movies in the theater and 2. I do like Star Wars, so I went for it. Rogue One is my favorite Star Wars movie and it’s phenomenal. Krennic is the type of villain you know. He’s a bureaucrat, he’s arrogant, he’s calculating, he’s very real and the extent to which you see how his influence is directly responsible for so much death and destruction brought the villainy down to a tangible level. He had layers and he was again one of those villains you hated as a person but loved as a character, and it’s satisfying to see him get what he deserves in the end. Honorable mention to Darth Vader again because this was the first time Vader scared me. I had literal chills and I was already upset over the rest of the characters dying and the second that red lightsaber ignited I was terrified. The hallway scene at the end was brutal and horrifying and you saw Vader cut through rebels with effortless ease. Everything about his presence and how he was framed showed you how powerful Vader is, and I think it’s the most concise snapshot of his character in any of the movies.

Moff Gideon: One of the things I love most about The Mandalorian is that it brings Star Wars down to a small scale and grounds the world of this universe and the regular people, which means that when there are threats we’ve seen before in other media (Imperial walkers, TIE fighters, etc.), they actually felt like threats because we’re on a smaller scale. Episode 7 was a prime example of this: the biggest ship we see is a TIE fighter coming in and of course the bad guy in all black and a cape with a very nonplussed expression and a menacing voice. It’s the gravitas again. There is a very real sense of danger in the last two episodes of season 1, we know what all of the stakes are, and everything keeps getting worse and worse and you really aren’t sure how they’re going to get out of this. On top of that, Gideon makes it personal; one of the strongest choices for him as a character is calling out the heroes by name and digging directly into the most tragic elements of their pasts. Not only is he a physical threat, he is an emotional threat. He’s going to make them suffer before he crushes them completely because he tells them he knows them, he sees them, and he’s telling the truth. For characters for whom secrecy is their literal survival, it’s a violation that scares us and makes us sick to our stomach. Gideon is psychological as much as physical, he’s a character that existed exclusively off-screen before he’s introduced, and he commands our attention the moment he shows up.

[babyklovesmovies]

I’ve been curating this for a while but I figured I’d finally share it, here’s my Widojest musical theater playlist that gives me all the feels and I play on repeat until Critical Role comes back into my life.

1. “You Were Always a Better Dancer Than Me, Astrid” -Autumn Orange

Just a good one to start things off featuring a moment where we first got that glimpse into our smelly wizard boys feelings for a blue tiefling. 

2. “The Color of Your Eyes” -Daddy Long Legs

If you haven’t heard of the musical Daddy Long Legs, DEFINITELY check it out. I have a lot of songs from the musical on here because I get SUCH Caleb and Jester vibes from the two main characters. In this song I imagine Jester is writing in her journal to the Traveler and telling him all about the “blue eyed” wizard she just met.  

3. “The Man I’ll Never Be” -Daddy Long Legs

“If I tell you the truth at least, would I lose your esteemed affection. Would you hate me and curse my name? I'd only have myself to blame” Caleb has always been terrified of Jester finding out about the full extent of his past and the murder of his parents/man he used to be mostly because he would risk never having her see him the same way again.

4. “Charity” -Daddy Long Legs

With this song I constantly am reminded of the “I’m the transmutation wizard but you’re the one who changes people...” moment. I mean you can just hear it in the lyrics “How easier it is to give than to let yourself receive. For what you have given me came out of the blue. What you have done for me I never could do. Charity. Just who is helping who?”

5. “I’m A Beast (Reprise)” -Daddy Long Legs

If Jester ever does find out, I imagine our self deprecating wizard boy would say something along these lines.

6. “The Secret of Happiness” -Daddy Long Legs 

Just imagine this song paired with the Widogast’s Unicorn Hamster Amber moment and it will give you all the feels. “I've discovered, The secret of happiness is, All the stars that shine....That her happiness is more precious than mine...”

7. “Popular” -Wicked

Added for obvious Laura Bailey C2E2 2018 reasons ; ) Jester is giving our stinky wizard boy a makeover.

8. “Waving Through A Window” -Dear Evan Hanson 

Caleb closes himself off from the world and from other people because he’s so afraid of hurting them like he did his parent’s but ultimately he’s hurting himself. “Step out, step out of the sun. If you keep getting burned. Step out, step out of the sun. Because you've learned, because you've learned...”

9. “If I Could Tell Her” -Dear Evan Hanson

Caleb was one of the first members of the group to really see through Jester’s happy go lucky front and notice the feelings Jester keeps hidden deep down. Think especially the “I think it is an act. She is an amazing woman but talent is different then happiness” moment when Jester is dancing by herself. “And he wondered how you learned to dance. Like all the rest of the world isn't there But he kept it all inside his head. What he saw he left unsaid If I could tell her.”

10. “Suddenly Seymour” -Little Shop of Horrors 

Caleb has always been there for her waiting in the wings and I just also think of Jester with the “daddy left early, mama was poor” line. (Though on the contrary, The Ruby of the Sea is doing VERY well ;)

11. “I Know It’s Today” -Shrek the Musical

This is mostly a Jester song, Jester spent years shut up in her room like a blue Rapunzel. That can do a lot to a person.

12. “In My Own Little Corner” -Cinderella the Musical

Also another Jester song, while being shut up in her room, Jester’s imagination can still roam free. Who knew that her imagination would create a god? ;)

13. “Pulled” -Addams Family

Imagine Caleb singing this one, at the start of the campaign he was much more closed off but Jester’s perkiness can really rub off on a person and bring out the jokester underneath. Caleb is making more jokes and smiling more when Jester’s around. Though losing those defenses can be scary, especially when you have so much to protect with a past like Caleb’s.

14. “Who I’d Be” -Shrek the Musical

When I hear this song I immediately think of the moment when the others ask Caleb what he would have done after the Academy if he hadn’t met Trent and he wistfully mentioned how maybe he would have been a teacher with a lot of books and things to teach. But he doesn’t think he deserves such happiness. 

15. “I Think I Got You Beat” -Shrek the Musical

Think of early Jester and Caleb when they would argue about dirtiness or the differences in how they view money. Also keep in mind the hard pasts they both have had to overcome to get to where they are now and how they aren’t as different as they would think.

16. “Heaven’s Light” -Hunchback of Notre Dame

My poor boy Caleb is “uselessly in love” with Jester but he never believes that he deserves Jester’s light. “I knew I'd never know, That warm and loving glow Though I might wish with all my might, No face as hideous as my face, Was ever meant for Heaven's light..”

17. “Unworthy of Your Love” -Assassins 

Kind of in the same vein of the previous song, Caleb doesn’t believe he deserves someone as perfect and wonderful as Jester. Also, Jester as Squeaky Fromme pining after a cult leader like the Traveler seems pretty fitting ; )

18. “Evermore” -Beauty and the Beast 

“I'll never shake away the pain, I close my eyes but she's still there, I let her steal into my melancholy heart, It's more than I can bear”. Jester just has that effect on people. You can’t hide your heart forever Caleb.

19. “Being Alive” -Company

As Caleb starts opening up to the group more, he grows more confident and starts thinking maybe he does want people in his life. Maybe he does deserve love. Also, think of Yasha as the rest of the company urging him along like the classic “Do you love her?” scene. 

20. “That’s How You Know” -Enchanted 

Yasha and Nott being the unlikely matchmakers nudging Caleb along to open up more about his feelings always makes me smile, against Caleb’s classic pessimism. 

21. “Lost in the Woods” -Frozen 2 

Think Caleb and the group searching for Jester all that time after she was kidnapped. Maybe insert Frumpkin instead of Sven. ; )

22. “What Do You Know About Love?” -Frozen the Musical

Jester was cooped up for so long she has no idea what love is supposed to be besides what she reads about in her smut books. With this song, just think about the moment when Caleb and Jester were discussing Jester’s feelings for Fjord and what being in love is about.

23. “Inside Out” -Gentleman’s Guide to Love And Murder

Think the “Frumpkin is stored in my heart...then you must have a really big heart!” moment. Jester sees the good person within Caleb and his enormous heart. “An oyster shell itself is unassuming, But look inside, you'll find a pearl The man who otherwise is unpresuming, May share the same blood as an Earl.”

24. “Shall We Dance?” -King And I

The waltz scene. That’s all I gotta say.

25. “I Could Have Danced All Night” -My Fair Lady

Caleb could have danced forever with Jester. I was hoping they would have a reprise at the party but no such luck.

26. “I See The Light” -Tangled

Again, the Widogast Amber Lights moment gave me MAJOR floating lights in Tangled vibes and I was HERE FOR IT. 

Anyhoo, thank y’all for going on this musical journey with me. Word on the street is Critical Role might be coming back soon (but I hope they take the time they need to be as safe as possible). Until then I will continue to eat these small Widojest crumbs and play this song on repeat.

All credit for the cover art I referenced in the playlist goes completely to https://hla-rosa.tumblr.com/, please check them out!

[shadow-light19]

The Wolf of Lilac Lake: Dr. Redwood and Mr. Hyde Act 1

Summary: Dr. David Redwood is a well-known doctor in the town of Sleepy Peak. He lives with his adopted son, Max, and does his best to protect abused children he comes across in his profession. One day, he becomes so disgusted with corruption in the town that allows child abusers to go free that he decides to take matters into his own hands. Hyde is the worst mistake he’s ever made.

Notes: This chapter is a play. I am just pre-facing that now since the characters are a bit OOC. They are ACTING. You'll notice there are location and time notices. When you read playbooks, they generally include that before the actors' lines. Its useful for understanding the setting. For Max's bedroom, later on, I designed it similarly to Dipper and Mabel's room in Gravity Falls. Also, I want to thank everyone who has enjoyed reading this story so far. It really warms my heart whenever I see a like, comment, or reblog.

Previous Chapter: https://shadow-light19.tumblr.com/post/174189019287/the-wolf-of-lilac-lake-overcoming-demons

Next Chapter: https://shadow-light19.tumblr.com/post/175463827052/the-wolf-of-lilac-lake-dr-redwood-and-mr-hyde

Songs used in this act:

Once Upon a December from Anastasia

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KVIdK1VWmLA

God Help the Outcasts from Hunchback of Notre Dame (Esmeralda’s part only)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0pLCDnbBEk0

Good Company from Oliver and Company

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gk0dUuc5z64

David peeked out between the curtains of the camp theater stage. There was a large audience of townspeople and camper’s parents sitting on the wooden benches and eating from the little concession stand that Nerris and Ered were operating. David felt ducked back behind the curtain and started to hyperventilate.

“WHERE IS MY STAR?!” Preston screamed from backstage.

He came running up to David.

“There you are! Are you READY to start the performance? The curtain will rise in FIVE minutes.”

David gripped his shirt in nervousness. He was wearing a simple plaid shirt and a lab coat.

“I-I don’t know, Preston. Are you s-sure I’m good enough to be the lead actor? I’ve never done theater before.”

Preston scoffed, “You may never have been in a role but you have always been good at teaching it. Besides, this version of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde is written tailored to your personality anyways. It’s the others I’m worried about.”

Preston turned to glare at Max, Nikki, and Neil. The trio were all chatting together. David placed a hand on his Preston’s head.

“Don’t you worry about them, Preston. Nikki and Neil are really excited about this. I know Max gave you a hard time about it earlier but I’ve taken measures to make sure he does his best.”

Preston gave David a flat look.

“You mean you bribed him.”

David floundered his arms.

“I didn’t bribe him! I just offered an incentive to perform well and he excepted.”

Preston laughed.

“Don’t worry, David. Bribery is commonplace in SHOW BUSINESS! If you’ll excuse me, I must ANNOUNCE our play to our audience.”

Preston walked over to the curtain and stopped for a moment.

“Thank you, David, for arranging for the town and our families to come to the play. I don’t think I’ve ever had an audience as large as this.”

Preston walked through the curtains. David smiled at the space where Preston was before getting into place. He could hear Preston through the curtains.

“Ladies and Gentlemen. My name is Preston Goodplay and welcome tonight to the Camp Campbell Theater.”

David closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“Tonight! I have a very special play for you all. My team will be performing a variation of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I call it, Dr. Redwood and Mr. Hyde! I wrote and directed this play and I am absolutely ecstatic to share it with you all tonight.”

David looked to the side as Max, Nikki, and Neil approached the side stage. Neil waved nervously, Nikki mouthed ‘You’ll be great!’ and Max smirked a gave him a thumbs up.

“And now, for the moment you’ve all been waiting for. I present, Dr. Redwood and Mr. Hyde!”

I can do this.

Act 1

*Evening in the Clinic

“Have a good evening, Mr. Everton!”

David smiled at his last patient for the day. He locked everything up before walking over to his house next door.

*Evening in the house

Once inside, he made his way down to his laboratory in the basement.

*Inside the laboratory

David liked to experiment at night in an attempt to find remedies for sicknesses that occurred in the little town of Sleep Peak. David was one of the few doctors that lived here and he always took the job very seriously.

“I have a couple hours until Max gets back from his piano lessons. Let’s see if I can get this salve for blood clotting correct.”

He worked on the salve for a couple hours and then brought it up to a mouse in a cage. He had found it that morning, bleeding out after getting attacked by some predator and tried to patch it up. However, the little thing kept pulling its stitches and the wound wasn’t clotting like it should’ve. He rubbed a small amount onto the wound using a q-tip and watched to see if it worked. The wound stopped bleeding in seconds.

“Perfect!” David cheered.

He put the salve away and stored the write-up in a binder.

“Dad! I’m home!”

David grinned and made his way upstairs.

*Inside the house

He saw his son Max setting his bookbag on the kitchen table.

“How was school?”

Max smiled and pulled out a couple notebooks.

“It was fun! Mrs. Gwen taught us all a new song and Nikki and Neil got to be in my group for a science project.”

David ruffled his son's hair.

“Well, I’m making stew tonight. Is there anything you want to go with it?”

Max hummed in thought.

“Biscuits! With butter!”

David chuckled.

“And then I’ll make banana bread for dessert. Get started on your homework for now, okay?”

Max nodded and they both got to work. The prep work for dinner and dessert wasn’t hard. As the stew sat bubbling on the stove, David pulled out the local newspaper.

Sander’s Cleared on All Charges

By Amelia Reeves

Marshall Sanders was cleared today of all charges against an accusation of child abuse. The Prosecutor, one of his family members accused the Defendant of abusing his son for his ability to perform magic and tried to gain custody. Sanders had this to say, “I never would’ve believed that my sister-in-law would have tried to take my son from me. I love Harrison very much and I hope that I have proven that to her now that she has seen the evidence. I have requested a restraining order though as I fear she may try again to take my son from me.”

The Prosecutor believed that Marshall was scared of his son for his talent in magic tricks but Marshall claims otherwise.

“I never imagined he would’ve been capable of magic but if you watch him perform, that’s the only thing it could be described as. He loves it and no one can dissuade him from his dream of performing for others.”

Marshall requested his son not be interviewed.

David frowned.

I remember that case. It was about a child at Max’s school. She had photos of bruises and everything.

“Hey, Max? How’s Harrison doing?”

Max looked up from his paper.

“He’s doing well. He was really quiet but he said he was relieved that the whole thing is finally over.”

I don’t know what to believe. I remember when I adopted Max, his own parents only received a couple years prison sentence for being abusers. It took Max being beaten almost to death for them to finally get arrested and that’s because a neighbor called the ambulance.

“Hey, Dad?” David snapped out from his thoughts and looked at his son.

“What’s up, Max?”

Max fidgeted in his chair.

“Can Nikki and Neil spend the night again this weekend?”

David frowned. It seemed the two kids were coming over more and more often.

“I’m fine with it but aren’t their parents concerned that their kids are spending the night at a friend’s house almost every weekend?”

Max bit his lip.

“If I tell you something will you promise not to tell them?”

David looked at his son in concern.

“I promise. What’s wrong?”

Max sighed.

“Nikki’s mom has been having her boyfriend come to their house every weekend and Nikki doesn’t like him. He always glares at her and makes comments about how everything would be better without her around. Her mom doesn’t care because he makes a lot of money. He’s a construction worker.”

David glared at the table.

“Tell Nikki she’s allowed to come over and spend the night whenever she wants. We have the spare bedroom and if she wants to leave anything here she can. Is Neil in a similar situation?”

Max shook his head.

“Neil’s dad and mom are divorced. They fight over him to prove who is better than the other. It makes him feel sad sometimes since he knows they are just using him to prove a point. You don’t do that though, so he likes being here.”

David turned back the stew, his good mood gone.

“Tell Neil that he’s allowed whenever as well. He can sleep in your room and I could buy a twin mattress and put it in there if you don’t mind?”

Max’s eyes lit up.

“Then we’ll be like brothers!”

David ruffled his son’s hair.

I am sick and tired of hearing about abused kids in Sleepy Peak. If no one else will help them, then I guess I will because someone fucking has to.

*Afternoon outside the house

Max, Nikki, and Neil were walking home together from school.

“You have the best dad, Max. He’s so nice to everyone!” Nikki twirled with her arms out.

Neil and Max chuckled.

“He’s gonna put a bed in my room for you Neil so that you have a place to stay whenever you want to as well.” Neil hugged his backpack in excitement.

“It’ll be great to have someone who cares so much about us. Honorary family right?”

Max and Nikki smiled.

“Honorary family forever!”

The trio walked into the house.

“Dad is at the clinic so we can go ahead and set up your room if you want, Nikki.”

Nikki squealed and ran to the doorway.

“Woah…”

The other two caught up. The spare bedroom was painted a light teal with a dark blue border. There was a simple twin bed with a brown bedframe in the corner next to a wooden dresser, desk, and bedside table. The closet was empty but had hangers on it. The bed also had a stuffed wolf on it.

“I love it!” She jumped on the bed.

“If Dad already set up your room then maybe-“

Max and Neil turned and ran to Max’s room. Nikki followed quickly after.

His room was rearranged slightly so that the two beds were on opposite sides of each other. There were two desks sitting together by the door and in between the window was the dresser. There was also a chest in front of both beds. On Max’s Bed sat a teddy bear and on Neil’s bed, there was a stuffed owl.

The kids all grabbed their stuffed animals and sat in the kitchen to work.

*Afternoon in the Clinic

David was especially attentive today. He dealt with his normal patients but whenever he worked with a child, he watched carefully for any signs of abuse or neglect. One of the children, Cassandra, seemed nervous and a little twitchy when he gave her a checkup. He saw some light yellowing on her arms and made a note of healing bruises and jumpiness. The parents looked relieved though as they went on their way. He sighed and locked up before heading home.

*Inside the house

He saw the line of shoes by the door and smiled knowing that Nikki and Neil were over.

“Hey, kids! How was school?” They all turned and rushed him.

David stepped back from the force of three kids hugging him.

“If was great! Thank you so much for the room!” Nikki jumped up and down in excitement.

Neil shyly shuffled his feet and held his hands behind him.

“And for my room as well.”

David smiled and guided them all back into the kitchen.

“I’m glad you all like it. Do you want spaghetti for dinner?”

He received a chorus of ‘yes’ and got to work.

“Hey, David?”

Nikki walked up to him.

“Yes?”

She looked at the wolf on the table.

“Since you gave me a room here, would you mind if I called you dad?”

David kneeled down and put his hand on her head.

“I would be honored.”

She smiled.

“I’m glad! I’ve always wanted a dad but I’ve never liked any of my mom’s boyfriends.”

David looked concerned.

“Do you remember your dad at all?”

Nikki shook her head, smiling sadly.

“I only have a vague memory of him. It was snowing the day he left me with my mom. I never knew why he left me but I know that he wanted me.”

She grabbed her stuffed wolf in her hands and held it close.

“Swishing pines,

Flutters of wings,

Things I almost remember,

And a song someone sings,

Once upon a December.”

Nikki twirled with her wolf, then hugs in again, swaying from side to side.

“Someone holds me safe and warm,

Traversing through a silver storm,

Smiles, tears, and comforts dance across my memory.”

She grabs David’s hands and pulls him into a dance. He lets her stand on his feet as he waltzes through the kitchen.

“Someone holds me safe and warm,

Traversing through a silver storm,

Smile, tears, and comforts dance across my memory.

Far away,

Long ago,

Glowing dim as an ember,

Things my heart used to know,

Things it used to remember,”

She steps off as David twirls her. He let’s go and kneels down again. Nikki hugs him. Max and Neil get up and hug them as well.

“And a song someone sings,

Once upon a December.”

David hugs her.

“I’m so sorry.”

Nikki chuckles softly.

“Don’t be! You’re the dad I always wanted.”

David smiles.

“I’m glad I can be that person for you.”

Neil tugs at David’s sleeve.

“C-Can I call you dad too?”

David pulled the kids closer.

“Of course! I would love to be part of your guys’ family.”

*Night in the house

David opened the door to Max and Neil’s bedroom. His sons were asleep in their beds but David could see they fell asleep talking to each other.

He quietly closed the door and moved on to Nikki’s room. She was asleep, clutching the wolf to her and mumbling about the forest. He closed the door and crept silently into his lab.

*Inside the laboratory

He cleared the table in front of him from all the chemicals that were there and pulled out a notebook. He started writing down an idea for his next creation.

Maybe I can make something that helps get rid of acne faster? Or maybe something that helps with healing burns without leaving the scars.

David wrote down several steps before he heard banging on his door.

That’s strange. Who would be here at this hour?

*In the living room, partially depicting the house and partially depicting the outside

He walked up to the first floor and opened the door.

“Hello?”

“Oh, thank goodness! Please, I need your help!” It was a frantic woman.

David noticed that she was covered in blood.

“Oh my gosh! What happened!”

The woman started crying.

“Please save my daughter! Please help her!”

David grabbed a first aid kit that he left beside the front door for emergencies, locked the door behind him, and followed the woman to her daughter.

*Inside the Midler residence

David could smell the strong stench of alcohol as he entered the house. He gasped when he saw her daughter. She was bleeding very badly in a pile of glass shards.

“What happened?” David started assessing her wounds.

“M-My h-husband drank too much and hit her with the bottle. I picked out the glass but I didn’t know what else to do.”

David picked her up and moved her out of the glass pile.

“I need a bowl filled with warm water and a towel.”

The woman ran to get the requested items and David pulled out a bottle of rubbing alcohol, some gloves, and some cotton balls. He also grabbed a pair of tweezers.

The woman returned and he picked out the pieces of glass that she missed and then cleaned the wounds with water and the rubbing alcohol. Once he was done, he wrapped her in bandages and picked the girl up.

“Ma’am, I need you to come with me. If this is a case of child abuse I need to report it and get you two to a safe area.”

She shook her head.

“I can’t! My husband is the principle of the school. He won’t get arrested and any charges I bring against him will probably be dropped since he knows a lot of the cops here.”

David bit his lip in anger.

“Then at least let me get you out of here.”

She started to disagree, then thought better of it.

*Inside the Clinic

He brought her to a room that had a couple beds in it and got them both blankets.

“Thank you so much, sir, for your kindness.”

David shook his head.

“This is the least I can do. I will file a report for this and hopefully, something will be done.”

She smiled sadly at him.

“I thank you for trying. I doubt anything will come of it though.”

David bade her goodnight and made the call.

“I want to report a case of child neglect. I have a little girl here who was hit with a vodka bottle that I had to tend to.”

“It’s Alison Midler.”

“What do you mean it’s probably unfounded?”

David slammed the phone on the port.

“I can’t believe they hung up on me.”

He walked outside of the clinic, knowing the woman had probably heard the conversation. It hurt to know that Alison and her mother would have to go back to their home. David ran a hand through his hair. He walked out of the clinic.

*The town with the church in the background

He walked through the neighborhood and stopped when he realized he was in front of a church. The church was always open so anyone could come in when they wanted. While David wasn’t religious, the sight of the church seemed to stir a sense of desperation deep inside. He walked up the steps and entered.

*Night in the church

The church was very simple with a small lobby, sacristy, and a large main area filled with rows of pews.

“I don’t know if you can hear me,

Or if You’re even there.”

He walked alongside the pews, brushing his hand along the armrest of each one he passed.

“I don’t know if You would listen,

To an atheist’s prayer,

I know I’ve done all that I can,

I know that deep inside.

Yet, still, I see Your face and wonder,

If you could turn the tide?”

David kneeled in front of the altar.

“God help the children,

Hungry and hurt.

Show them the mercy,

From words that are curt.”

Tears rolled down his face as he gazed at the cross of Jesus.

“God help the abused,

They look to You still.

God help the children,

Or nobody will.”

David stood and looked at the stained glass windows. The moonlight filtered softly through them.

I have done my best,

I’ve wiped their tears.

But I know of many,

Still living in fear.

Please help the children,

Neglected and hurt.”

He turned to a picture of Jesus holding a lamb and surrounded by sheep.

“Don’t You say that we’re,

The children of God.

God help the children,

Children of God.”

He turned away and walked out of the church.

*Inside the house

David walked into his house, He wanted to check on the kids and drink a cup of coffee before heading back to the clinic to check on Alison. As he started the coffee pot, he heard footsteps behind him.

“Dad?”

It was Max. David turned and got down on one knee so that he was level with his son.

“Did I wake you?” David asked.

Max shook his head. He clutched the bear he was holding close.

“Did someone need your help?”

David nodded.

“I actually am going to head back to the clinic in a moment to check on them. Are you alright here? You have Nikki and Neil now so you won’t be alone.”

Max nodded.

“I’ll be fine.”

David guided his son back to bed.

“You’re a lot like a hero you know?”

David looked at Max in surprise.

“You help people who are hurting. You make everything better. That’s what heroes do.”

David smiled at his son. He kissed him softly on the forehead and tucked him back in the bed.

“Don’t heroes have an alter-ego or disguise? Someone you wouldn’t recognize?”

Max chuckled, already falling asleep.

“You can always-“

Max yawned.

“-always make one.”

David closed the door quietly behind him, now that Max was asleep. He drank his cup of coffee and went back to the clinic.

*Inside the clinic

Alison was still unconscious but was held in her mother's arm.  David checked her vitals. It didn’t seem like she was getting better. He checked the bandages. They were stained red. He quickly unwrapped them and noticed they were still bleeding sluggishly. He applied a small amount of his salve to clot the bleeding and went to phone the nearest hospital.

“Hello? I need an ambulance. I am Dr. Redwood and a patient I have here needs more medical attention then I am capable of providing in my clinic.”

He hung up and woke the mother. David tended to Alison until the ambulance arrived. He moved aside as the EMTs carried placed her on a stretcher and carried her out. As David watched as the ambulance took off, mother and daughter inside, he prayed with all his heart, that she would survive.

*House in the afternoon

David closed up his clinic for the day. He had heard no news from Alison or the mother. He felt useless. He shook his head in an attempt to shake the negative thoughts away and went to find his kids. They were sitting in the living room chatting about the music club.

“…and I think I’m pretty good at it now,” Max stated.

Nikki and Neil laughed.

“Can we play it together?” Nikki was already pulling out her saxophone.

Neil quickly pulled out a violin. Max sat down at the piano. Neil and Max started singing.

“You and me together will be,

Forever you’ll see.

We too can be good company,

You and me.”

Neil and Nikki danced around the living room. They were all smiling.

“Yes, together we too,

Together that’s you.

Forever with me,

We’ll always be good company.

You and me, that’s together we’ll be.”

They all turned as David clapped.

“That was beautiful kids! How long have you been practicing that?”

Max looked embarrassed as he tucked his arms under themselves and looked away.

“A-A couple days.”

Nikki laughed.

“Our music teacher likes to encourage Max and Neil to sing. I think they sound really good too!”

David chuckled.

“S-Shut up, Nikki!”

Max pulled his hood up and hid his face in the hood’s collar. Neil coughed and played with his violin’s strings. David felt a strong surge of pride and affection at their banter. They were acting like siblings.

I don’t know what I would do if anything happened to any of you.

He made to ask them about their club when his phone started ringing

“Excuse me.”

He walked over and answered.

“Hello?”

“Yes, this Dr. David Redwood.”

“R-Really?”

“Yes, thank you for letting me know.”

David hung it up. He slumped over the counter and held his head with his hands.

Another child’s life taken by abusers. Why can’t this end!

David looked at his children, playing and laughing together in the living room. He remembered the day he rescued Max from his abusive parents. It had taken so much to help Max become the happy child he was today. He remembered Max’s words about Nikki and Neil’s home lives. How they were going through their own situations of abuse.

“Hey, kids. I’m gonna be downstairs. We’ll go out to the Pizza Bros. tonight for dinner alright?”

Once he received a chorus of cheers, he descended into the basement.

*Inside the laboratory

His table still had his notebook open but he quickly turned to the next page.

I can heal the pain but I can’t prevent it. I don’t have the countenance nor the power to.

He thought back to his conversation with Max last night.

Maybe I can make it? An alter-ego, a persona, someone who can deal justice to those who escape persecution by the law.

David poured over his notebook and calculations for hours, stopping once to take treat his children to dinner and help with homework. Once they were in bed, he went back into the basement and worked all night. When the sun rose the next morning, David created the serum.

[gibelwho]

Marathon #2: Horror

With the successful wrap of the Western Marathon, it is time to turn our attention to the Horror Marathon - and boy, am I nervous about it! I am not a huge Horror fan and tend to avoid these films whenever possible - but that time is over as I dive into Filmspotting’s next marathon, focusing on the Horror genre. I started off this journey through the safest possible route - reading “The Horror Film: An Introduction” by Rick Worland - an academic text of the genre’s history that also traces the societal context that was reflected in and also shaped by the genre. In this introduction, I will touch on the basics of the genre, summarize the history, explore my own experiences with Horror films, and lay out the list of films we will be watching. Here I go - holding my breath in suspense, closing my eyes in terror, and tiptoeing towards the Horror!

To start at the beginning - what defines a Horror film? At the basic core, a Horror film is intended to provoke an emotional response from the viewer - to shock, disgust, scare, and (in the truest essence of the word) to horrify. This is accomplished through the mise-en-scene of the film - the settings, iconography, and also the themes. A vital component of this package is the villain of the piece - the Monster! Whether a grotesque figure featuring heavy makeup or a regular human maniac, the monster is a violation of regular society and true nature; they must be fearsome and repellent, attacking the normal life of the heroes and seeking to destroy their victims (and oftentimes the domesticity surrounding those protagonists). Early in Horror history, pulling from Gothic trappings, the settings were often sites where monsters would credibly dwell - a decaying haunted house where ghosts still reside, a scientist’s lab where experiments go wrong, or creepy cemeteries where the dead rise to pursue the living. Later on, the settings expanded into “normal society” locations - a small-time hotel, the suburban house, or other teenage hangout spots. The iconography that goes along with these settings are hallmarks of nightmares - the overwhelming shadows, an offscreen terror that is creeping closer, the victims intense scream or look of dread. The early era of Horror featured monsters that were external threats to society and the institutions (church, police, state) were all helpful to the protagonists, who were characters worthy of saving. Once the turbulent 1960s gripped the United States and Hollywood as a business and artistic center began to change, the Horror genre transformed as well - the monster could now come from society itself, plots referenced the decay and breakup of the American family, and an overall questioning of normality and tradition was commonplace. Finally, the genre began to direct its films toward a teenage audience, especially attempting to entice potential youthful ticketgoers with stories centered around sex and violence. In contemporary times, the latest development in the genre revolves around how special effects can escalate the production of gore and the enhancement of the grotesque to even higher levels of mayhem. 

Horror films have their roots in Gothic literature and were first popularized in Germany in the 1920s, when the German Expressionism style gained momentum. Films such as The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1920) and Nosferatu (1922) established much of the iconography and early themes for the genre. Many of the film directors and artists left Germany, lured by the opportunity to influence Hollywood and it’s take on the genre. Universal in particular specialized in Horror films - an early cycle during the 1920s with films like The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1923) and The Phantom of the Opera (1925), both featuring the first Horror star Lon Chaney. Universal’s second Horror cycle took place in the 1930s, utilizing the talents of Bela Lugosi and Boris Karloff; classic films like Dracula (1931) with Lugosi and Frankenstein (1931) and The Mummy (1932) with Karloff were significant milestones cementing the legitimacy of the genre in popular culture. The genre was less prominent during the WWII years and was overshadowed by Science Fiction during the 1950s (although Roger Corman and Vincent Price both got their start during this time making low-budget teen exploitation Horror films), but made a sharp comeback in the 1960s and into the chaotic Vietnam War era in America. 

Many scholars point to the Alfred Hitchcock film Psycho (1960) as the titular movie in the Horror genre’s shifting viewpoints about the larger society. As noted above, pre-1960s Horror films ended with the destruction of the monster, which brings a sense of closure to the unnatural element it had inflicted upon the characters and society. Once Psycho had established that the villain could be a madman that emerges from society itself and, combined with the turbulent Vietnam and Cold War eras, the institutions once worth preserving were now suspect and even working against the protagonists of Horror films. These themes became even more exaggerated in the 1970s and the rise of the slasher/stalker films (which will be the focus of this Horror Marathon). Filmmakers that grew up as fans of the previous generation of Horror films (and the fan magazines that sprung up in popular culture as well) began making their own versions of the genre in the 1980s and 90s; Steven Spielberg, Brian De Palma, John Carpenter, George Romero, Francis Ford Coppola, Terry Gilliam, and M. Night Shyamalan working with major studios all took their turn at directing Horror films, partnering with makeup artists and special effects masters to heighten the terror. Independent studios also took on the low-budget Horror flick, aimed at the teenage audience, with films like Evil Dead (1981), Scream (1996), and I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997). As the Horror genre entered into the new millennium, the films took on a postmodernist trend - showing awareness of the genre’s history, tropes, and plot conventions - and sometimes even commenting on it for additional screams or for comedic laughs. While the genre has evolved, its core tenant of scaring the bejeezus out of the audience has never strayed from its mission.

Personally, I actively avoid Horror films, whether screening in the theater or watching at home. I have seen exactly zero of these films included in the Marathon and would never have actually pursued them without taking on this challenge. I spent some time reflecting on why I have an aversion to the genre and it comes down to not wanting to actively subject myself to the feeling of fear, which is literally the base intent of Horror. Images of gore (which I usually glimpse through the slits of my fingers covering my eyes) aren’t as terrible for me as the atmospheric suspense; the former I can tell myself is not real and just movie magic - but the monster stalking the woman in the dark or the slow creaking of a door opening or the anticipation of an attack in a rain-soaked alley - these all could be real events!

Over my life, I have watched a few Horror films that have stayed with me. My most vivid memory is watching The Ring (2002) in high school. I went with a group of friends and drove a few of them home. To get back to my house, there was a backroads way that went through wetlands with limited streetlights - so after an extremely suspenseful and scary movie, I drove home through a dark and winding road that was just PERFECT for something creepy to attack me. Thank goodness I made it home ok! Another Horror film that I watched during high school had the opposite of the intended effect - I went to a party where The Exorcist (1973) was screened; chatting with friends, half paying attention to the film, and not truly connecting to the material meant that when the famous head spinning scene happened - laughter rang out amongst all my friends. An entirely different atmosphere surrounded my screening of The Shining (1980) - I was living alone, watching it late at night, and had to pause the movie halfway through and call my Mom to distract me from the growing dread in the pit of my stomach. And my final notable Horror viewing experience was when I began this blog; I watched Nosferatu (1922), one of the original Horror movies filmed in the German Expressionism style. This film was less terrifying and more atmospheric - and I certainly appreciated the filmmaking techniques employed to create the vampires creepy style and tone, despite being so early in film’s history.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading “The Horror Film: An Introduction” because I could enter into the genre through a historical and societal lense, taking an academic approach to an otherwise scary venture. Out of the vast canon of films that have been produced in the genre, this Marathon is only taking a small slice from the 1970s and 80s - primarily looking at the slasher/stalker cycle. It also includes two sequels, so I will be including two additional films as homework to screen before those official entries, although they will not count towards the awards at the conclusion of the Marathon. Here are the films I will be cringing, flinching, and screaming at during Gibelwho Production’s Horror Marathon:

1[a]. Night of the Living Dead (1968), George Romero

1. Dawn of the Dead (1978), George Romero

2. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974), Tobe Hooper

3. Suspiria (1977), Dario Argento

4. Halloween (1978), John Carpenter

5. Re-Animator (1985), Stuart Gordon

6[a]. The Evil Dead (1981), Sam Raimi

6. Evil Dead 2 (1987), Sam Raimi

Watch your back and happy haunting!

[synetic-theater]

Synetic Sit-Down with Irina Kavsadze

Irina Kavsadze is performing the role of Esmeralda in Synetic Theater’s upcoming production of ‘The Hunchback of Notre Dame.’

Q: Tell me a little bit about yourself, and your background with Synetic Theater. A: I am originally from the Republic of Georgia, moved to the States when I was 9 years old, and performed my first show with Synetic Theater when I was 11! My favorite roles with the company are Juliet in Romeo & Juliet and Maria in Twelfth Night. Although we haven’t opened The Hunchback of Notre Dame yet, I have a feeling Esmeralda will also make the list of my favorites! Q: What made you want to work with Synetic Theater? A: My father, Irakli Kavsadze, started with this company when I was 9 years old. When I saw him on stage with the company, I fell in love. I knew this was something I had to do. I started going through training with the company and did my first show as Joqolas and Agazas’ daughter in the 2004 Host and Guest. Q: Tell me about your character in The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Esmeralda. A: Esmeralda to me is the biggest symbol of freedom. Her freedom is expressed through her dance, it is how she loses herself and gets away from the world. She cares very deeply for people around her, but at the same time is incredibly strong when it comes to defending herself. She is someone who has had to raise herself and has lived all alone her entire life. She doesn’t let people in very easily. She believes in justice above all. Q: How did you prepare for this role? A: I began by reading the books months before rehearsals started, and tried to dig out little details about Esmeralda that are incredibly important to her character. The way she moves when talking to others, or the way she pushes out her bottom lip when thinking. I also started researching music that fit Esmeralda, listening to Flamenco and ”Gypsy” music that helped me find her movement and fire. Q: What are you enjoying most about working on The Hunchback of Notre Dame? A: I love being able to play such a strong and caring woman. It is truly an honor to be able to bring Esmeralda to life. Paata and Irina always give us freedom to explore and play with different variations of our characters’ motivations and it’s really helping me fit the pieces of this incredible woman together. Q: What do you hope audiences will take away from seeing the show? A: I hope that the audience sees just how corruption destroys everything around us, and shows them just how important understanding and acceptance of others is. Q: Other than Esmeralda, which character would you have liked to be? A: I really love Gringoire’s character, a lost poet who finds himself in an unbelievable situation. And the actor playing this character is phenomenal! Q: What is the one piece of advice you wish you were given as a young thespian? Or what is the one piece of advice you would like to give an aspiring artist? A: I grew up in a household full of actors and always got the best advice. Keep your head down. Be humble. Work 110% and always, always, always work on yourself. By this I mean that the journey to being your best and finding your character does not stop when rehearsal is over. It needs to follow you wherever you go; brushing your teeth, driving to work, or working out at. the gym. It is important to know that only you can make yourself the best you, you can possibly be.

Tickets: http://synetictheater.org/event_pages/the-hunchback-of-notre-dame/

[lalka-laski]

If you were given three things to make you happy, what would these be? A brain rid of anxiety & insecurity A better paying/less stressful job A killer body How would you rank the following in importance: family, career, love life? Well, I’d group family and love life in the same category because when you find your soulmate, he/she becomes part of your family (regardless of marital status). Nothing comes before family. And all of that is entirely more important than career. Jobs are expendable, transferable. Our loved ones are not.  Which would you prefer: having a baby without a partner or a partner without a baby? For a long time I kind of envisioned myself in the former situation. But now that I have the love of my life, I wouldn’t trade him for anything. I do hope we have kids someday but I try not to stress about making it a priority. Spending my life with him is what matters.  What was your experience about being “mansplained,” and what did you do about it? I call out men each & every time they do that. I don’t have the tolerance.  Who was your favorite cartoon character when you were a kid? Princess Aurora! And she still is. I’m wearing a Sleeping Beauty bangle as we speak. 

Do you think God is real, and why? I have a fluid idea of what/who I believe God to be.  Do you believe in giving people second chances, and why? Absolutely. I would have never improved & evolved if it weren’t for the people in my life who gave me second (and third and fourth) chances. That’s how we grow. How would you describe your first crush? I was in kindergarten. His name was Jake. We ended up hooking up senior year of high school.  Better late than never, huh? Do you ever keep a journal? For my entire life. I have a whole box of over 30 journals ranging from age 9 to the present.  Do you think people fall in love because the right person has arrived, or because the time is right (regardless of whom the person is that they fall in love with)? Timing *is* a factor but ultimately love is about the individual person.  How do you feel about the #MeToo movement? I fully support it. What else do you expect me to say? What do you look for in a relationship? I never realized how important the element of FUN is for me until I dated Glenn. We’re very playful; constantly joking and making each other laugh. Several people have remarked to us that we always look like we’re having a good time in each other’s company. And we are! I think I had an unhealthy expectation of relationships in the past. I thought passion was only achieved through intense conversations, tearful arguments, violent sex. But Glenn & I have a magnetizing connection and mind-blowing passion, all while being each other’s best friends. Our relationship is rooted in JOY. And it’s the most beautiful thing. Other non-negotiable qualities are support and empathy (particularly when it comes to understanding my anxiety) and of course, loyalty. What is your idea of a perfect date? I love a traditional wining & dining. I’m not a fan of activity-based dates if you’re just meeting the person. Something about it feels awkward to me. I’d rather just sit in a relaxed environment, enjoy some good food & drink and chat away. What legacy do you want people to remember about you after you’re gone? I’d like to be remembered as a bright spot in people’s lives.

Have you ever asked a guy out on a date? No way. Not because I subscribe to gender roles or anything. But simply because I’m not a move maker. What was the most important lesson you’ve learned from your past relationship? Where to even begin? -You shouldn’t ever have to beg for attention or affection from your partner -Love should be celebrated & shared, not hidden like a dirty secret -Crying during/immediately after sex is not healthy -A man’s refusal to stop when you explicitly ask him to is the definition of ASSAULT

What book influenced you the most? I could never pick just one What’s a deal-breaker for you in a relationship? Well I’d like to say abuse or assault is a deal-breaker, but my response from a few questions ago proves that’s not the case. Although, I’ve learned my lesson since then. Also any kind of infidelity is unacceptable. Are you a morning or a night person? I’ve become more of a night person lately  How important is trust in a relationship? It’s the backbone of any healthy relationship How do you feel about infidelity? There is no room for it in a healthy relationship Do you believe that the day will arrive when humans will be replaced by machines in almost all aspects of life? Not entirely. I think machines will replace lots of menial (or even extraordinary) tasks but I don’t think humans will just cease to exist. What do you think is humankind’s greatest invention? I’m not trying to be snarky but the first thing that came to mind was pizza. Delivery pizza, to be specific. Do you ever think about how dope it is that you can get the greatest food in existence delivered to your door with just a few clicks of your phone? PRICELESS.  Do you think that humans are doing more harm than good to the planet? Oh 100% What is your take on telepathy? I think some people have stronger intuitive senses than others but I don’t believe in straight-up telepathy  What is your favorite workout routine? I don’t do shit, my dude Would you rather be called vain or insecure? I’ve been called both. And to be honest, I *AM* both. Although I’m only vain in the context of myself.  What important lesson did a close relative teach you? Be generous with your “I love you”s. You can never say it too much. 

What part of your body do you find attractive? My collarbones are my favorite feature Which would you choose to be: law-abiding citizen or rule breaker, and why? I’m a law-abiding citizen. I function best when strict rules are in place.  What is your ideal vacation? My dream trip is Poland or Iceland. But I’d take a vacation almost anywhere at this point. What superpowers did you wish you had when you were a kid? Teleportation or time-travel. Tbh, I still do. Are you a mountain or a beach person? Beach! What mythical animal do you resonate with, and why? A mermaid maybe because I love to swim? Funny Which member of your family do you feel closest to, and why? My sisters & my cousin Rachel. My sisters are kinda self-explanatory and my cousin Rachel & I are close in age and have very similar interests so we’ve always gotten along.  Who do you consider your best friend in your workplace? I like all my coworkers for the most part but my best friends no longer work here.  What three adjectives would describe you? Sensitive, imaginative, flighty.  If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you choose? I’m pretty content with where I live now, in all honesty. What are you passionate about in life? Spreading love & joy What quality in a person do you fall in love with? Humor, wit, compassion, sensitivity  Have you had your heart broken before? Sure have. Do not recommend it!  What is your take on astrology? I find it fascinating but I take it all with a grain of salt. And I certainly don’t let it dictate my life. I just have fun with it.  What is your life’s soundtrack? Ideally it’d be something dreamy & whimsical! Slightly Disney-esque.  When was the last time you spoke with a classmate from high school? I’m texting with my high school best friend right now Are you left- or right-handed, and would you want to switch? Right handed. What subject were you good at in high school? English Do you find it difficult to admit that you are wrong, and why? I always take the blame & have no problem admitting I’m wrong. Even when I know I’m not...  Do you get excited or scared when meeting new people? Both but probably more nervous than excited What is your secret hobby that others would consider weird? I love reading inmate’s profiles on writeaprisoner.com and then researching their crimes How do you cope with stressful situations? HA HA HA, not well... Is there anything that you would like to change about yourself? Quite a lot. I’d like to be calmer and more disciplined. What musical instrument do you know how to play? None, although I’d love to learn something Which would you prefer in a romantic partner: a dreamer or an achiever? An achiever. What is your favorite part of a house, and why? My bedroom. It’s calm & cozy and decorated perfectly to my liking. Who is the fictional character who closely resembles you in terms of attitude? Elle Woods, on my best days. When you were a kid, what did you say you wanted to be when you grew up? An author. And that’s still true! What was the title of the first movie you watched in a movie theater? I think it was The Hunchback of Notre Dame but I’d have to confirm with my mom When was the last time you slept outdoors? A little cat nap on the beach not too long ago What is something that you are proud of about yourself? I’m proud of myself for making it through this ten hour shift today. Gotta take all the little victories I can get! What song do you often sing in the shower? I don’t sing in the shower much anymore since Glenn’s moved in. He’s a legitimate singer and I don’t want him to hear my voice What do you feel is the right age for people to get married? There isn’t one. Simply whenever you both feel ready & willing.  What would be your super villain name and your powers? SuperSensitive Girl, and I’d get my way by crying.  What three non-electric or non-automatic items would you take on a deserted island? Provided I already have food & drinking water, I’d bring a journal and pen (I’m counting that as one), my baby blanket and my book collection (also counting that as “one” item).  If “hello” were to be replaced by another word as a greeting, what word would that be? Hey? What is the weirdest thing that your family does together? I don’t know, we’re pretty weird...  What was the most embarrassing thing that you’ve done for a friend? I cannot disclose that here :X What would be the title of the movie showing your life from birth up to present? Work in Progress? I know, I know, that’s cheesy. But I’m too fried to think of something more creative. This survey has been LOOOONG! What fashion piece would you invent for women? Pants with functional pockets is a CONCEPT What is the single most important thing people should do for the planet? Um, recycle I guess? Truly, I don’t know. How do you define evil, and do you believe that a person can be evil? Of course I believe people can be evil. Anyone who intentionally inflicts harm on another person/animal/infrastructure is evil.  What do you think are the two things that prevent people from realizing their dreams? MONEY and access. As much as I’d like to say it’s our own limiting beliefs & bullshit that prevents us from achieving our goals, it’s really access to resources that makes or breaks you.  Would you lay down your life for someone? A few people 

What word or term do you wish to know the meaning of? I can just Google the definition of any word I choose. The internet is a magical place! What makes you nostalgic? Girl, what DOESN’T make me nostalgic?  Do you believe that each of us has a soul mate? I do, but I don’t necessarily think that person is always a romantic partner. And I do believe in multiple soulmates.  How would you live your remaining days if you found out you had only a week to live? Oh God, I can’t think about this! Do you listen to other people’s advice, or do you prefer figuring things out yourself? I’d prefer if I could hand off all my problems to someone else & have them solve them. I don’t like being responsible for myself! Imagine that you are tasked to re-design society - what changes would you make? I absolutely would not want to be assigned that task. (Lol- copping the previous survey’s answer because SAME).  What’s the perfect day for you? Sleeping in, hitting up the beach for some reading & swimming, then maybe a nice dinner & drinks somewhere fun? Would you wait for the sun to rise or for it to set, and why? Both are beautiful and majestic! If you were born in another era, when would that period in history be and why? There’s so many concerts from the 80s and early 90s I would’ve killed to see!  Have you made someone cry? Never intentionally but nonetheless, yes.  What is the most astonishing act that a person can do for you? For me it’s all about the small but significant gestures. What I love about Glenn is that he takes note of things about me that I don’t even notice myself, and then acts accordingly. For example, apparently I always complain I’m freezing when I get out of the shower (I never realized this) so he always turns the AC off while I’m in there so that I’m a comfortable temperature when I get out. Stuff like that means the world to me. What is more important: being true to yourself regardless of who gets hurt or considering the consequences of your actions on other people’s lives?We should all consider the impact of our actions on other people. It’s selfless and irresponsible not to.  If you die tonight, would you pass away fulfilled or unsatisfied with life? Can we not....?

[newyorktheater]

Remarkable changes are underway to make Broadway more accessible – hastened by technology, hindered by public attitudes as I explain in an article in HowlRound based on the Broadway Accessibility Summit and a similar panel at BroadwayCon:

For example: By June 1, 2018, every show on Broadway will have on-demand closed captioning in real time for every performance, in one of two ways—through a dedicated device called iCaption, or with an application called GalaPro that you can install in your own smart phone.

“We’re heading in the right direction,” a hard-of-hearing person in the audience told me. But…there’s still some ways to go.

This week: Oral history of Angels in America, ugly drama in New York high school, a new Evan Hansen, a new Jez Butterworth on Broadway, a new artistic director for BAM.

Week in New York Theater Reviews

Bebe Neuwirth in Sail Away

Hey Look Me Over

To celebrate its 25th anniversary, the Encores! concert series at City Center is doing something in “Hey Look Me Over” that it’s never done before – and, judging from the results, probably shouldn’t do again. Now, it’s impossible to dismiss a show with such a starry talented cast, including Bebe Neuwirth singing and dancing to Noel Coward’s Sail Away…But…

The Jester and the Dragon

what looked like a children’s show told with finger puppets, worn by an oddly distracted performer who seemed to have carpal tunnel syndrome…was a carefully constructed play, that existed on two levels. It offered a glimpse into the life of an aging, arthritic artist [and told] a funny and charming [folktale]

In the Body of the World

Perhaps you’d think it chutzpah that in “In The Body of the World,” the latest solo show by Eve Ensler, best known for “The Vagina Monologues,” she merges her story of her fight against uterine cancer with world crises such as mass rape in the Congo and the deadly oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. Maybe you’d be squeamish at her graphic storytelling of her illness, treatment and recovery, during which she literally bares her physical scars, and exposes her emotional ones, which are more disturbing. You could well disapprove of her self-defeating and dubious speculation about what might have caused her cancer – from tofu to Tab to bad reviews.

You could grapple with all these reactions to Eve Ensler and her show – I certainly did at one time or another during its 90 minutes – and still find “In The Body of the World” (as I did) eye-opening, entertaining, and one of the most satisfying works of theater so far this year.

A Small Oak Tree Runs Red

A hundred years ago in Valdosta, Georgia, at least a dozen African Americans were lynched within a few days of one another. One of them, Mary Turner, was 20 years old and eight months pregnant. “I was surprised I’d never heard the story before,” says LeKethia Dalcoe, an actor, author, and activist who used some of those stomach-churning murders as the basis for her first play, A Small Oak Tree Runs Red….

I was very apprehensive about agreeing to direct,” admits Harry Lennix, making his New York stage directorial debut. “But I was compelled by the story — the horror of it.”

Week in New York Theater News

Coming to Broadway in October: “The Ferryman” by Jez Butterworth (Jerusalem, The River), which was a hit in London. Set in rural Northern Ireland in 1981, it has 30-plus member cast (not yet hired for Broadway)

The Brooklyn Academy of Music  has hired its first ever “artistic director”- David Binder, 9x Broadway producer (Tony winner for Hedwig and the Angry Inch) Starting in 2019, he’ll be in charge of “live performances cinema programs, education & humanities initiatives, visual art events, digital projects” etc

Basil Twist returns to HEREArts for the  20th anniversary of his puppet extravaganza, ”Symphonie Fantastique,” complete w/ backstage tours after every perfomance. March 29-July 15, 2018

The World Only Spins Forward: The Ascent of Angels in America An oral history of Angels in America

Interview with authors

Excerpt:  How Angels in America put Roy Cohn into the definitive story of AIDS

Tony Kushner: When I was at Tisch, I was just coming out. Michael Mayer took me to my first gay bar — not the Saint, Uncle Charlie’s on Greenwich — so you’d walk around the corner and there’d be these lines of men. I probably passed Roy Cohn on several occasions.

Oskar Eustis (co-director in Los Angeles, 1992; artistic director, Public Theater): While we were working on the play, the AIDS Quilt had its first public display at the Moscone Center. We came across a panel:

Photo: Tony Kushner

Eustis: Tony looked at it and said, “If I can write something half as dialectical as that, it’ll be a great character.”

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/02/08/theater/hunchback-of-notre-dame-ithaca-high-school.html

Awful twist on #sexualmisconduct: Performers at @sleepnomorenyc say #audience members have groped them since the show began in 2011 https://t.co/KgUdbh0ntG pic.twitter.com/WTbn1rsmsb

— New York Theater (@NewYorkTheater) February 7, 2018

  #TimesUp for theater too, writes @TCG‘s @teresaeyring in @AmericanTheatre. What theaters can do: “train multiple individuals within the organization to receive and handle reports of misconduct” What individuals can do: File claim. Go to the press. https://t.co/rZ3R5fdUmI

— New York Theater (@NewYorkTheater) February 9, 2018

Ugly drama 1 @IthacaHS_NY plans production of Hunchback of Notre Dame. White student cast as Esmeralda 2. Classmates complain 3. School board kills production 4. Alt-right/neo-Nazi pubs report; students trolled/attacked on social media.@SopanDeb reports: https://t.co/zB11Y0XIKp

— New York Theater (@NewYorkTheater) February 8, 2018

.@taytrensch has gone from Barnaby in @HelloDollyBway to now title role in @DearEvanHansen. Next, he’d really like to do Sally Bowles in Cabaret. “I don’t know how likely that is, considering she gets pregnant.”https://t.co/QO8C3KFhYN pic.twitter.com/bEYX8AoGcO

— New York Theater (@NewYorkTheater) February 7, 2018

Those excited about the rumor that Al Pacino may be returning to Bway as Tennessee Williams in God Looked Away, may want to read @CharlesMcNulty on the play from last March. (“exploitative drivel”)https://t.co/xewtHcyYD5 pic.twitter.com/Av6BoUTYBN

— New York Theater (@NewYorkTheater) February 9, 2018

RIP

    Jan Maxwell (Phyllis Rogers Stone) and Gentlemen of the Ensemble in Follies

Pictures at an Execution

The great stage actress Jan Maxwell has died at age 61. 13-time Broadway veteran, most recently in 2011 Follies revival. Five-time Tony nominee. Fixture Off-Broadway

Reg E. Cathey as Creon crying out in anguish in “Antigone in Ferguson,” presented for free by Theater of War Productions in a basketball court in Brownsville, Brooklyn. “I am a foolish man…I am crushed, I have been crushed by fate,”

RIP Reg E Cathey, 59, The Wire, House of Cards. I just saw him do a great turn as King Creon in Antigone in Ferguson

Broadway for Everyone: Coming Soon? Week in New York Theater Remarkable changes are underway to make Broadway more accessible – hastened by technology, hindered by public attitudes…

[trendingnewsb]

5 Superhero Movies That Are Only Worth It For One Scene

Bad superhero films are a treasure. Not only does one make you disappointed with Hollywood for creating a bad movie, but it also makes you doubly frustrated because they’re messing up something that you know is good in comic book form. However, we shouldn’t write off a bad superhero movie immediately. Upon closer examination, these terrible films can contain little glimpses of promise — little glimpses that make you say “This might be a secret masterpiece.” Or at least, “This doesn’t suck every poop.”

5

Batman & Robin — The Criminal Property Locker

In the annals of bad superhero films, Batman & Robin stands alone. It isn’t a “Well, maybe it’s not THAT bad” film like Superman Returns or Spider-Man 3. It isn’t a “I’ll forget the plot of this before I even leave the theater” film like X-Men: The Last Stand or Daredevil. It isn’t a “That’s a damn shame” film like Superman IV: The Quest For Peace or Robocop 2. And it isn’t a “If there is a God, they wouldn’t let this happen” film like Catwoman or Spawn. Instead, it’s a film that somehow gets both more amazingly terrible and more inexplicably enjoyable with time. I hate it and I love it in equal measure, and years after I’m dead, researchers will discover my skeleton clinging to a VHS copy of it, like Quasimodo and Esmeralda at the end of Hunchback Of Notre Dame.

But the movie does have one extremely cool split second. Now, there is a well-known Easter egg in Batman & Robin: When Bane and Poison Ivy are breaking Mr. Freeze out of Arkham Asylum, you get a glimpse of the “Criminal Property Locker.” And in the locker are the costumes of the Riddler and Two-Face from Batman Forever. That’s kind of neat — though since Two-Face died by falling into a spiky underwater pit, it does imply that some poor Arkham intern had to dry-clean and sew his fucking suit back together.

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But the rest of the stuff in the room implies that when the Tim Burton/Joel Schumacher Batman wasn’t eviscerating clowns or neon terrorists, he was still pretty busy. Beside the Riddler’s suit is a doll, so at some point, was Val Kilmer punching the shit out of B-list villain Toyman? Or is that the work of the Dollmaker, a guy who made dolls out of his victims’ skin? Is that dude still in Arkham? It’s unlikely, considering that Michael Keaton’s Batman was one part hero and nine parts sadist, and probably attached a bomb to Dollmaker and peed on him a little bit before even learning his name. But still, the scene adds history to a series that seemed to be mostly about Batman sitting around in his office, waiting for crime to happen.

And then, on the right side, we see a pair of boxing gloves. So good luck, guy who was using those. I’m sure your career as Two-Punch Man was really hitting its peak just before Michael Keaton ripped your intestines out through your eye holes.

But the most interesting part is the big mechanical suit that we see, and on first glance, you’d probably assume that it’s Mr. Freeze’s suit, since that’s what Poison Ivy broke into the locker to get. But Mr. Freeze’s suit looks nothing like that. So either Mr. Freeze has been fighting Batman and Robin for so long that he’s had to upgrade his technology in order to keep his chilly ass un-kicked, or it belongs to another mech-suited villain. The pyromaniac Firefly, maybe? That would be so awesome, and now I’m so pissed that I never got to see Val Kilmer stare expressionless around a bug man with a flamethrower. What were you even good for if you couldn’t give us that, the ’90s?

4

Judge Dredd — The Angel Gang

Judge Dredd came out in 1995, when we were still trying to figure out whether superhero movies were going to be a thing. Sure, Superman and Batman had been pretty successful, but was there hope for anyone else? The answer to that was “Not yet,” as proven by the lackluster Judge Dredd, which featured Sylvester Stallone. I know that we’re all currently pretty high on Stallone after Creed, but between Rocky IV and Rocky Balboa, he was having a rough time being in any movie that someone could honestly call good. At his best, he was in films like Demolition Man — or as my dad would call it, Daniel, we need to talk.

Judge Dredd has sweet set design, but other than that, it’s a lot of Stallone and Armand Assante shouting at side characters who are too useless to be given their own shouting dialogue. The only time it really perks up is when Stallone and his little buddy Rob Schneider get captured in the wastelands by the Angel Gang. The Angel Gang are cannibals, and their role in the movie almost feels like Judge Dredd DLC. But during the gang’s brief vacation in your eyeballs, Judge Dredd ceases to be a humdrum exploration into the beauty of shoulder pads, and starts feeling special.

There are plenty of movies wherein superheroes fight random gangs. There are just as many superhero movies where the hero is forced to fight a guy who could’ve been a hero, but instead went evil. But there are very few superhero films in which the hero has to tangle with the cast of The Hills Have Eyes. The Angel Gang is a bunch of wild cards. They don’t want to build a city-sinking torpedo or open up a portal to release an ancient evil whatever; they just want to snack on you a little bit. They won’t say any clever lines or reveal any master plans. At most, they’ll maybe give you a recipe for you, medium-rare.

Sadly, their stay is brief, because Stallone soon escapes and jams an electrical wire into the head of most monosyllabic among them. Of course, the mutant does get to say, “You killed my Pa,” so it’s not a total waste.

3

Blade: Trinity — The Human Farm

Throughout the Blade series, characters are constantly mentioning the fact that the vampire universe is bigger than you know. Sure, you think we live in a world of humans and puppy dogs and hit singles from Evanescence, but underneath it all, there’s a society of vampires. And when that society decides to rule the world, Blade will … take them out pretty easily, actually. For a race that’s apparently thiiiiis close to dominating the world, they sure seem to be divided into easily spin-kicked pockets.

Blade: Trinity is the worst Blade film. The best thing about Blade and Blade 2 is that they feel inventive and fresh. You’re getting things from them that you wouldn’t get from a Spider-Man or X-Men film — namely, Wesley Snipes cursing and reducing screeching henchmen to ashes. It’s why they’re two of my favorite superhero films. On the other hand, Blade: Trinity features boring-ass Dracula and his something or another quest to vaguely rule the world. After years of tackling rave mutants and goth Nosferatus, Blade’s final fight is with a bad Witcher cosplayer.

Luckily, we do get one scene that feels like it came out of the earlier films. Blade finds a human farm, where a bunch of comatose people are vacuum-sealed into big Ziploc bags and used as a constant source of vampire food. It’s super creepy, and when Blade gets told that they’re all brain-dead, he shuts the whole thing down with barely a second thought or a quietly growled “motherfucker.”

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It also gives the movie (and the series) a sense of grand scale that it had been lacking. Oh, THIS is what the vampires were hyping up when they were jabbering on about their big vampire plans. Well, I apologize for not paying more attention, emo ghouls. My bad. My bad.

2

X-Men: Apocalypse — Wolverine’s Introduction

Before Logan, we only got tastes of Wolverine’s full potential as a fighter. One taste was in X2, when he has to defend Xavier’s School for Kool Kidz and Cyclops from William Stryker’s men. But the best pre-Logan scene of Wolverine grinding his way through bad guys in order to level up for the final boss was in X-Men: Apocalypse. Wolverine appears for only a few minutes in this movie, and he looks like an absolute monster.

Imagine you’re a security guard for some mutant research project. You don’t really worry about those mutants escaping, because why would you? They’re usually sedated and subdued, and if they did start waking up, there’s a whole room full of guys with heavy firearms who would blow them away. Then one day, you’re eatin’ a microwavable chicken pot pie and thinking about your novel when you hear “Weapon X is loose.” You know, the most dangerous experiment in a whole building full of dangerous experiments. Will the gun they’ve given you work against someone with adamantium claws and, if the rumors you heard are true, healing powers? Maybe.

That’s the feeling you get during the scene in which Wolverine escapes: pure, pee-your-pants, “Oh my god, I was not properly trained for this” terror. Sure, Logan has a lot of scenes where he cuts his way through dudes, but that movie frames it as action, while this turns Wolverine into a slasher villain. It doesn’t hurt that the scene ends with a splash of blood coming from offscreen, which is slasher movie code for “Daaaammmnnn.”

The rest of the movie is pretty subpar. The X-Men’s most powerful villain, Apocalypse, is handled so poorly that you just wish Magneto could be the main bad guy for the fourth time. But I guess it’s to be expected that the best part of an X-Men film would include Hugh Jackman. Oh, Hugh. Was it something I said? Please come back.

1

Batman v. Superman — The Warehouse Fight

Batman v. Superman didn’t give us a lot of what I would call “iconic” Batman moments. At one point, he does ask Superman, “Do you bleed?” and that’s pretty cool. But then Superman flies off because he has more important things to do than to lightly argue with some billionaire manchild, leaving Batman just standing there. So what does Batman do? He says, “You will,” and TOTALLY WINS THAT CONVERSATION. You sure got him, dude helplessly standing in the wreckage of his super car. I’m sure the shower argument that you had by yourself later was full of similar zingers. “DO YOU BLEED? WELL, I BET YOU DO. AND THEN I’D FUCKING PUNCH HIM LIKE THIS, AND SUPERMAN WOULD BE ALL LIKE, ‘NO, PLEASE, STOP, BATMAN. I BET YOUR PENIS DOESN’T EVEN SLIGHTLY CURVE TO THE LEFT.’ AND I’D BE ALL LIKE BAM. POW. SHUT UP.”

On a more positive note, Batman v. Superman does have one awesome scene: the warehouse fight. Now, before I get into why this part is so great, I do have to say that a lot of it has to do with the critically acclaimed Batman: Arkham games, which make every other Batman fight scene in every other medium look like a slap fight among friends. In the Arkham games, you can sneak up behind a dude, choke him out, zip up to a gargoyle, fly over and drop-kick a man’s torso off his body, zip back up to another gargoyle, tie a guy up to said gargoyle, throw a smoke pellet, hit a thug with an electric shock gun, choke out another dude, and then run up to the last dude as he fills you with bullets and hope that your body armor holds up for long enough so that Batman can someday wear the man’s skull as a shoe.

That’s the kind of thing that we got in the Batman v. Superman warehouse scene, during which Batman goes back and forth, rearranging an entire gang’s internal organs using everything in his disposal. Here are a few highlights:

– A guy comes into the room brandishing a grenade, so Batman kicks a guy he already has hanging from the ceiling into the grenade man.

– Batman Rock Bottoms a dude into the floor — a technique most assuredly taught to him by Ra’s al Ghul when Batman trained with all of those ninjas. “You must learn to conquer your fear, Bruce,” I remember Ra’s saying in Batman Begins. “CONQUER IT WITH THE PEOPLE’S ELBOW.”

– Batman uses his grappling hook gun thing to sling a box into a guy, and the guy gets hit so hard that he flies into a wall and the back of his goddamn head apparently comes off.

There are a lot of people who have a problem with Batman committing murder, but since my favorite superhero film is Batman Returns, I don’t think it’s that big of a deal. At the very least, it gave us a chance to experience an Arkham City level on the big screen, narrated entirely by Ben Affleck’s grunts.

Daniel has a Twitter. Go to it. Enjoy yourself. Kick your boots off and stay for a while.

Live long enough to see yourself become the villain with your own Batman Utility Belt!

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Woman, George H.W. Bush Groped Her When She Was a Child

The alleged incident happened in 2003, while she was photographed standing next to the former president. "My initial reaction was absolute horror. I was really, really confused," she told TIME, speaking publicly for the first time about the encounter

NOV 13, 2017 9:50 AM EST

Roslyn Corrigan was sixteen years old when she got a chance to meet George H.W. Bush, excited to be introduced to a former president having grown up dreaming of going into politics.

But Corrigan was crushed by her encounter: Bush, then 79 years old, groped her buttocks at a November 2003 event in The Woodlands, Texas, office of the Central Intelligence Agency where Corrigan’s father gathered with fellow intelligence officers and family members to meet Bush, Corrigan said. Corrigan is the sixth woman since Oct. 24 to accuse Bush publicly of grabbing her buttocks without consent.

“My initial reaction was absolute horror. I was really, really confused,” Corrigan told TIME, speaking publicly for the first time about the encounter. “The first thing I did was look at my mom and, while he was still standing there, I didn’t say anything. What does a teenager say to the ex-president of the United States? Like, ‘Hey dude, you shouldn’t have touched me like that?’”

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Corrigan said the incident happened while she was being photographed standing next to Bush. Five other women have made similar claims against Bush in recent weeks. Seven people, including family members and friends, confirmed to TIME that they had been told about alleged groping by Bush of Corrigan prior to the other recent allegations.

“George Bush simply does not have it in his heart to knowingly cause anyone harm or distress, and he again apologizes to anyone he may have offended during a photo op,” Bush spokesperson Jim McGrath said in a statement to TIME. Previously, McGrath said Bush “has patted women’s rears in what he intended to be a good-natured manner,” additionally attributing the act to his diminished height after being confined to a wheelchair since 2012. Bush was standing upright in 2003 when he met Corrigan.

Corrigan said that to this day, some of the responses she gets to her story are dismissive but she said she feels emboldened to speak out after seeing other women come forward, and hopes more will do so after hearing her account.

“I don’t know, maybe it never really hit people that I was a child at the time and that goes beyond a guy being inappropriate in the workplace to a peer or somebody in his age range,” she said. “I was a child.”

Corrigan, who had heard Bush give a speech at a conference held at the George Bush Presidential Library at Texas A&M University earlier in November 2003, asked her father, Steve A. Young, if she could leave early from her classes at The Woodlands High School and join him at the planned visit by Bush. After Bush addressed the CIA gathering, which included agency personnel and their family members, Corrigan had the opportunity to take a photograph with Bush, alongside her mother, Sari Young.

Ryan Trapani, a spokesperson for the CIA, declined multiple requests for comment regarding Young’s employment and Corrigan’s allegation against Bush.

“As soon as the picture was being snapped on the one-two-three he dropped his hands from my waist down to my buttocks and gave it a nice, ripe squeeze, which would account for the fact that in the photograph my mouth is hanging wide open,” Corrigan said. “I was like, ‘Oh my goodness, what just happened?'”

Roslyn Corrigan in 2017Courtesy of the Corrigan Family

Her mother, Sari, said Corrigan told her about the encounter as soon as Bush stepped away.

“When he left, my daughter Rozi said, ‘He grabbed me on the rear end.’ And I said, ‘What, what?'” Sari said. “And she said, ‘Yes, he grabbed me when they were taking the picture. He grabbed me on my butt.’ And I was like, ‘Oh my god, are you kidding me?’

“I was really, really upset — she was very upset, she was really, really mad,” she added. Sari said she would have tried to take action “had it been just some Joe Blow or something. I’d probably chase him down and yell at him.”

“But, you know, it’s the president. What are you supposed to do?” she said in a Oct. 28 interview. “And you’ve got your husband’s job that could be in jeopardy. I mean, you just didn’t then. You should—you should have always spoken up, always—but we didn’t.”

Within the next few days, Corrigan told her childhood friend Chelsea Wellman about the alleged groping as well, Wellman told TIME on Oct. 27.

Christopher Yarbrough, who was married to Corrigan from 2010 until their divorce the following year, said on Oct. 27 he learned about the incident about a month after they started dating in 2005. One day, the two were going through scrapbooks at Sari’s house, he said, when they flipped to a page revealing the photo with Bush. He said that Corrigan then told him about the encounter with the former president.

Tristan Voskuhl, who went to Sam Houston State University with Corrigan, said Corrigan first told her about the incident in 2006 when they were 19 years old. Bob Unseld, a family friend, said Sari first told him of the incident in 2013. “She didn’t say it just once. She told me this several times that he had done this to Rozi. It made her very mad.” Paul Weins, Unseld’s husband, also said he heard Sari’s account of the incident in 2013.

Bush, who from January 1976 to January 1977 served as the CIA’s director of Central Intelligence—the former title of the agency’s highest-ranking position—is one of a number of prominent figures to be accused of sexual assault since news of alleged past assaults committed by Harvey Weinstein broke early last month.

Actress Heather Lind was the first to openly accuse Bush of groping her while they posed for a photo during a promotional tour for her AMC series Turn: Washington’s Spies in 2013.

“He didn’t shake my hand. He touched me from behind from his wheelchair with his wife Barbara Bush by his side,” Lind wrote in a now-deleted Instagram post on Oct. 24.

On Oct. 25, New York-based actress Jordana Grolnick told Deadspin Bush groped her in August 2016 at a Maine theater where she was performing. She said that Bush came backstage with Barbara during the intermission of the play, The Hunchback of Notre Dame, and gathered with the cast for a photo.

On Oct. 26, best-selling author Christina Baker Kline wrote in Slate that Bush groped her during an April 2014 photo op at a Barbara Bush Foundation for Family Literacy fundraiser in Houston.

Amanda Staples, a former Maine Senate candidate said in a private Instagram post on Oct. 26 that Bush groped her in 2006, the Portland Press Heraldreported.

Liz Allen, a retired Erie Times-Newsjournalist, said in an Oct. 26 Facebookpost that Bush touched her from behind at a local business association event while taking a photograph with the former president in Erie, Pa. in 2004.

Bush’s spokesperson, McGrath, declined a separate request from TIME to comment on Staples and Allen’s allegations, which they said occurred when the former president was standing up.

Corrigan said that Bush’s response to Lind and Grolnick’s allegations, which cited his use of a wheelchair, bothers her because the “excuse for his senile, old man antics… is not true.”

She said that recently, she was listening to an episode of a podcast hosted by Ben Shapiro called “Is Everything Sexual Assault Now?” Allegations against Bush were discussed on the show.

“When I heard that was the reason, like, ‘Oh, he’s just an old man and he doesn’t know any better and he’s just being harmless and playful and it’s just where his arm falls… I just burst into uncontrollable sobbing,” Corrigan said. “I just couldn’t sit with that. I can’t. I cannot sit with that. I can’t sleep anymore, because that’s not true, and it’s not an excuse.”

On Nov. 1, former first lady Laura Bush, wife of George W. Bush, told CNN that the alleged incidents against her father-in-law were “very innocent.”

“I’m just sad that we’ve come to this,” Laura Bush told the network. “That was something that was very, very innocent that he’s been accused of. But I know he would feel terrible.”

Corrigan said she doesn’t see it that way.

“It completely floored me. I was actually there to be taken seriously, and I wasn’t,” she said. “I thought, he’s a career politician, almost 80 years old or something like that, if anybody’s going to take me a little bit seriously or at least try to pretend he’s interested in what I have to say, it would be this guy. And he didn’t. All he did was grab my butt.”

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5 Superhero Movies That Are Only Worth It For One Scene

Bad superhero films are a treasure. Not only does one make you disappointed with Hollywood for creating a bad movie, but it also makes you doubly frustrated because they’re messing up something that you know is good in comic book form. However, we shouldn’t write off a bad superhero movie immediately. Upon closer examination, these terrible films can contain little glimpses of promise — little glimpses that make you say “This might be a secret masterpiece.” Or at least, “This doesn’t suck every poop.”

5

Batman & Robin — The Criminal Property Locker

In the annals of bad superhero films, Batman & Robin stands alone. It isn’t a “Well, maybe it’s not THAT bad” film like Superman Returns or Spider-Man 3. It isn’t a “I’ll forget the plot of this before I even leave the theater” film like X-Men: The Last Stand or Daredevil. It isn’t a “That’s a damn shame” film like Superman IV: The Quest For Peace or Robocop 2. And it isn’t a “If there is a God, they wouldn’t let this happen” film like Catwoman or Spawn. Instead, it’s a film that somehow gets both more amazingly terrible and more inexplicably enjoyable with time. I hate it and I love it in equal measure, and years after I’m dead, researchers will discover my skeleton clinging to a VHS copy of it, like Quasimodo and Esmeralda at the end of Hunchback Of Notre Dame.

But the movie does have one extremely cool split second. Now, there is a well-known Easter egg in Batman & Robin: When Bane and Poison Ivy are breaking Mr. Freeze out of Arkham Asylum, you get a glimpse of the “Criminal Property Locker.” And in the locker are the costumes of the Riddler and Two-Face from Batman Forever. That’s kind of neat — though since Two-Face died by falling into a spiky underwater pit, it does imply that some poor Arkham intern had to dry-clean and sew his fucking suit back together.

Warner Bros.

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But the rest of the stuff in the room implies that when the Tim Burton/Joel Schumacher Batman wasn’t eviscerating clowns or neon terrorists, he was still pretty busy. Beside the Riddler’s suit is a doll, so at some point, was Val Kilmer punching the shit out of B-list villain Toyman? Or is that the work of the Dollmaker, a guy who made dolls out of his victims’ skin? Is that dude still in Arkham? It’s unlikely, considering that Michael Keaton’s Batman was one part hero and nine parts sadist, and probably attached a bomb to Dollmaker and peed on him a little bit before even learning his name. But still, the scene adds history to a series that seemed to be mostly about Batman sitting around in his office, waiting for crime to happen.

And then, on the right side, we see a pair of boxing gloves. So good luck, guy who was using those. I’m sure your career as Two-Punch Man was really hitting its peak just before Michael Keaton ripped your intestines out through your eye holes.

But the most interesting part is the big mechanical suit that we see, and on first glance, you’d probably assume that it’s Mr. Freeze’s suit, since that’s what Poison Ivy broke into the locker to get. But Mr. Freeze’s suit looks nothing like that. So either Mr. Freeze has been fighting Batman and Robin for so long that he’s had to upgrade his technology in order to keep his chilly ass un-kicked, or it belongs to another mech-suited villain. The pyromaniac Firefly, maybe? That would be so awesome, and now I’m so pissed that I never got to see Val Kilmer stare expressionless around a bug man with a flamethrower. What were you even good for if you couldn’t give us that, the ’90s?

4

Judge Dredd — The Angel Gang

Judge Dredd came out in 1995, when we were still trying to figure out whether superhero movies were going to be a thing. Sure, Superman and Batman had been pretty successful, but was there hope for anyone else? The answer to that was “Not yet,” as proven by the lackluster Judge Dredd, which featured Sylvester Stallone. I know that we’re all currently pretty high on Stallone after Creed, but between Rocky IV and Rocky Balboa, he was having a rough time being in any movie that someone could honestly call good. At his best, he was in films like Demolition Man — or as my dad would call it, Daniel, we need to talk.

Judge Dredd has sweet set design, but other than that, it’s a lot of Stallone and Armand Assante shouting at side characters who are too useless to be given their own shouting dialogue. The only time it really perks up is when Stallone and his little buddy Rob Schneider get captured in the wastelands by the Angel Gang. The Angel Gang are cannibals, and their role in the movie almost feels like Judge Dredd DLC. But during the gang’s brief vacation in your eyeballs, Judge Dredd ceases to be a humdrum exploration into the beauty of shoulder pads, and starts feeling special.

There are plenty of movies wherein superheroes fight random gangs. There are just as many superhero movies where the hero is forced to fight a guy who could’ve been a hero, but instead went evil. But there are very few superhero films in which the hero has to tangle with the cast of The Hills Have Eyes. The Angel Gang is a bunch of wild cards. They don’t want to build a city-sinking torpedo or open up a portal to release an ancient evil whatever; they just want to snack on you a little bit. They won’t say any clever lines or reveal any master plans. At most, they’ll maybe give you a recipe for you, medium-rare.

Sadly, their stay is brief, because Stallone soon escapes and jams an electrical wire into the head of most monosyllabic among them. Of course, the mutant does get to say, “You killed my Pa,” so it’s not a total waste.

3

Blade: Trinity — The Human Farm

Throughout the Blade series, characters are constantly mentioning the fact that the vampire universe is bigger than you know. Sure, you think we live in a world of humans and puppy dogs and hit singles from Evanescence, but underneath it all, there’s a society of vampires. And when that society decides to rule the world, Blade will … take them out pretty easily, actually. For a race that’s apparently thiiiiis close to dominating the world, they sure seem to be divided into easily spin-kicked pockets.

Blade: Trinity is the worst Blade film. The best thing about Blade and Blade 2 is that they feel inventive and fresh. You’re getting things from them that you wouldn’t get from a Spider-Man or X-Men film — namely, Wesley Snipes cursing and reducing screeching henchmen to ashes. It’s why they’re two of my favorite superhero films. On the other hand, Blade: Trinity features boring-ass Dracula and his something or another quest to vaguely rule the world. After years of tackling rave mutants and goth Nosferatus, Blade’s final fight is with a bad Witcher cosplayer.

Luckily, we do get one scene that feels like it came out of the earlier films. Blade finds a human farm, where a bunch of comatose people are vacuum-sealed into big Ziploc bags and used as a constant source of vampire food. It’s super creepy, and when Blade gets told that they’re all brain-dead, he shuts the whole thing down with barely a second thought or a quietly growled “motherfucker.”

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It also gives the movie (and the series) a sense of grand scale that it had been lacking. Oh, THIS is what the vampires were hyping up when they were jabbering on about their big vampire plans. Well, I apologize for not paying more attention, emo ghouls. My bad. My bad.

2

X-Men: Apocalypse — Wolverine’s Introduction

Before Logan, we only got tastes of Wolverine’s full potential as a fighter. One taste was in X2, when he has to defend Xavier’s School for Kool Kidz and Cyclops from William Stryker’s men. But the best pre-Logan scene of Wolverine grinding his way through bad guys in order to level up for the final boss was in X-Men: Apocalypse. Wolverine appears for only a few minutes in this movie, and he looks like an absolute monster.

Imagine you’re a security guard for some mutant research project. You don’t really worry about those mutants escaping, because why would you? They’re usually sedated and subdued, and if they did start waking up, there’s a whole room full of guys with heavy firearms who would blow them away. Then one day, you’re eatin’ a microwavable chicken pot pie and thinking about your novel when you hear “Weapon X is loose.” You know, the most dangerous experiment in a whole building full of dangerous experiments. Will the gun they’ve given you work against someone with adamantium claws and, if the rumors you heard are true, healing powers? Maybe.

That’s the feeling you get during the scene in which Wolverine escapes: pure, pee-your-pants, “Oh my god, I was not properly trained for this” terror. Sure, Logan has a lot of scenes where he cuts his way through dudes, but that movie frames it as action, while this turns Wolverine into a slasher villain. It doesn’t hurt that the scene ends with a splash of blood coming from offscreen, which is slasher movie code for “Daaaammmnnn.”

The rest of the movie is pretty subpar. The X-Men’s most powerful villain, Apocalypse, is handled so poorly that you just wish Magneto could be the main bad guy for the fourth time. But I guess it’s to be expected that the best part of an X-Men film would include Hugh Jackman. Oh, Hugh. Was it something I said? Please come back.

1

Batman v. Superman — The Warehouse Fight

Batman v. Superman didn’t give us a lot of what I would call “iconic” Batman moments. At one point, he does ask Superman, “Do you bleed?” and that’s pretty cool. But then Superman flies off because he has more important things to do than to lightly argue with some billionaire manchild, leaving Batman just standing there. So what does Batman do? He says, “You will,” and TOTALLY WINS THAT CONVERSATION. You sure got him, dude helplessly standing in the wreckage of his super car. I’m sure the shower argument that you had by yourself later was full of similar zingers. “DO YOU BLEED? WELL, I BET YOU DO. AND THEN I’D FUCKING PUNCH HIM LIKE THIS, AND SUPERMAN WOULD BE ALL LIKE, ‘NO, PLEASE, STOP, BATMAN. I BET YOUR PENIS DOESN’T EVEN SLIGHTLY CURVE TO THE LEFT.’ AND I’D BE ALL LIKE BAM. POW. SHUT UP.”

On a more positive note, Batman v. Superman does have one awesome scene: the warehouse fight. Now, before I get into why this part is so great, I do have to say that a lot of it has to do with the critically acclaimed Batman: Arkham games, which make every other Batman fight scene in every other medium look like a slap fight among friends. In the Arkham games, you can sneak up behind a dude, choke him out, zip up to a gargoyle, fly over and drop-kick a man’s torso off his body, zip back up to another gargoyle, tie a guy up to said gargoyle, throw a smoke pellet, hit a thug with an electric shock gun, choke out another dude, and then run up to the last dude as he fills you with bullets and hope that your body armor holds up for long enough so that Batman can someday wear the man’s skull as a shoe.

That’s the kind of thing that we got in the Batman v. Superman warehouse scene, during which Batman goes back and forth, rearranging an entire gang’s internal organs using everything in his disposal. Here are a few highlights:

– A guy comes into the room brandishing a grenade, so Batman kicks a guy he already has hanging from the ceiling into the grenade man.

– Batman Rock Bottoms a dude into the floor — a technique most assuredly taught to him by Ra’s al Ghul when Batman trained with all of those ninjas. “You must learn to conquer your fear, Bruce,” I remember Ra’s saying in Batman Begins. “CONQUER IT WITH THE PEOPLE’S ELBOW.”

– Batman uses his grappling hook gun thing to sling a box into a guy, and the guy gets hit so hard that he flies into a wall and the back of his goddamn head apparently comes off.

There are a lot of people who have a problem with Batman committing murder, but since my favorite superhero film is Batman Returns, I don’t think it’s that big of a deal. At the very least, it gave us a chance to experience an Arkham City level on the big screen, narrated entirely by Ben Affleck’s grunts.

Daniel has a Twitter. Go to it. Enjoy yourself. Kick your boots off and stay for a while.

Live long enough to see yourself become the villain with your own Batman Utility Belt!

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