#like we did for cat of red dwarf fame

[hedonicghost]

what if we redesigned star trek species what then

[flufflepuffle296]

Heathers au: Beautiful Songfic

This is more centred around Veronica/Marinette so not really any mentions of Heather/Heather/Heather. Sorry if someone’s done this before I apologise I just got into Heathers like two days ago. Also I changed some lyrics and took others out to make it more “realistic”. Sorry I suck at endings, it’s 5:30am rn and this is my first fic so be nice please! (I’m on mobile so I can’t add the keep reading tag so sorry if you don’t like this) xxx

I brushed down my dress: I couldn’t give them anything to criticise me over. Everything had to be perfect. I had to be perfect. Chloé sat next to me, my beautiful fiancée, slipping on her kitten heels. She may be 3 months pregnant but no Bourgeois woman would be seen wearing flats. I was in a red floor length a line dress — I grew out of my childish pink years ago, before it even went out of fashion! My hair was twisted into two plaits that were knotted together into a stylish bun at the back. Chloé meanwhile had stuck to her white and gold aesthetic, currently in a slim fitting white dress, showing off her small baby bump, decorated with gold jewellery. I rummaged through my drawers, trying to find a lipstick, when a thin book toppled out. I picked it up, and laughed fondly when I saw what it was.

My old Collège and Lycée diary.

I flipped through it, landing on the page that stuck most clearly in my mind. It was the day my class reminded me of my current reality at that time, shocking me out of a bubble that had surrounded me during the summer holidays that year.

September 1st, 1989.

Dear Diary: I believe I'm a good person. You know, I think that there's good in everyone, but—here we are! First day of senior year!

And uh... I look around at these kids that I've known all my life and I ask myself—what happened?

I bit my lip. What happened? I knew darn well what happened. Lila Rossi. She came in, flaunting her friendships and connections, a new disability every other week to cry about, another rumour about me coming out every 3 days.

Alya ended our friendship, Adrien continued to cry about Lila’s feelings. Lila just kept doing what she did best. The class gave up on changing my mind and instead decided that calling me names would be better. Because logic?!

“Freak!” “Slut!” “Burnout!” “Bug-eyes!” “Poser!” “Lard-ass!” Were the insults they liked to yell daily. Yeah, they weren’t the most creative...

We were so tiny, happy and shiny. Playing tag and getting chased. Singing and clapping, laughing and napping. Baking cookies, eating paste.

Nino and Kim used to come over to the bakery when we were kids, where we’d gorge ourselves on sweets, before celebrating our sugar rushes by chasing each other in the park and then crashing on my sofa, cuddled in blankets and laying on top of each other.

Then we got bigger, that was the trigger. Like the Huns invading Rome. Welcome to my school, this ain't no high school: This is the Thunderdome. Hold your breath and count the days, we're graduating soon. College will be paradise, if I'm not dead by June!

But I know, I know, life can be beautiful. I pray, I pray for a better way. If we changed back then, we could change again. We can be beautiful...Just not today.

I scoffed at my optimism back then. Them changing? They never did, I don’t know why I bothered trying at that point. I should’ve moved on but hey! We all make mistakes. It’s just that sometimes you make 11 friendships worth of mistakes.

“Freak!” “Slut!” “Cripple!” “Homo!” “Homo!” “Homo!”

I cringed as I read their old “insults”. They would write homophobic messages across my locker, getting Alix to spray paint a few slurs across my work after I came out as bisexual.

Things will get better soon as my letter comes from Harvard, Duke, or Brown. Wake from this coma, take my diploma. Then I can blow this town. Dream of ivy-covered walls, no smoky French cafés. Fight the urge to strike a match and set this dump ablaze!

I had purposefully sent out applications to universities far away from these people, from Paris. All three schools accepted me, something I can’t say about my classmates, most of whom were rejected for essays on false information (sourced by Lila) and a quick scan over the Ladyblog meant not a single newspaper would even consider my ex-best friend. Gabriel Agreste, as I later found out through my internship in America, had to bribe several schools with double tuition to get even one to accept Adrien, after he got exposed as sexual harasser and disgraced hero “Chat Noir”. I turned back to my diary, having to peel off rock hard gum from the page that someone had smeared in “revenge”.

Le Chiên Kim. Third year as linebacker and eighth year of smacking lunch trays and being a huge dick.

“What did you say to me, skank?” He would yell, his fist raised in the hallway.

“Aah, nothing!” I then cowered. I may be Ladybug, but he was 150lbs of pure rage. No one can compete with that!

But I know, I know... Life can be beautiful. I pray, I pray, For a better way. We can be beautiful...

“Marinette! Wide load! Honnnnnk!”

He was the smartest guy on the football team. Which is kind of like being the tallest dwarf.

“Hey! Pick that up! Right now!”

“I’m sorry, are you actually talking to me?” He used to snarl, his hands covered in sauce from knocking my tray.

I stood my ground, I had been practising for this moment. “Yes, I am. I wanna know what gives you the right to pick on me. You're a high school has-been waiting to happen. A future gas station attendant.”

Kim then smirked, crouching down to eye level and pressing a finger to my forehead. “You have a zit right there...” he pointed out, causing the cafeteria to laugh at my expense.

I used to ask myself “Why... Why do they hate me?”

And hear Adrien whisper “Why don't I fight back?”

Watch as Max Googled “Why do I act like such a creep?”

Listen in on Lila stamping her feet in the bathroom asking “Why won't he date me?” Clearly frustrated.

Kim panicking as he wondered “Why did I hit him?”

And Chloé sob down the phone “Why do I cry myself to sleep?”

I would stay up late, screaming, begging. At my lowest points I would cry out “Somebody hug me! Somebody fix me! Somebody save me! Send me a sign, God! Give me some hope, here! Something to live for!”

I remember when I first met my real friends. The famed trio had gone into the bathroom and I followed after them, clearly my throat.

“Who are you?”

“Uh... Marinette Dupain Cheng. I crave a boon”

“What boon?” Chloé asked, filing her nails.

“Um. Let me sit at your table, at lunch. If our class think that you guys tolerate me, then they'll leave me alone...”

Chloé threw her nail file out and began circling around me, running her hands through my hair, commenting that “For a greasy little nobody, you do have good bone structure!” Before coming to a conclusion.

“And ya know, ya know, ya know? This could be beautiful. Mascara, maybe some lip gloss, and we're on our way. Get this girl some blush; and Kagami, I need your brush. Let's make her beautiful.” Sabrina and Kagami, chimed in, echoing her words.

“Let's make her beautiful...”

“Let’s make her beautiful...”

“Make her beautiful...Okay?” Chloé ordered, dragging me out with Kagami and Sabrina, driving me to her hotel. They sat me down, taking my hair out of its bunches and brushing it out. Kagami painted my nails a deep navy with surprising precision, manning my cuticles. Sabrina twirled my hair into a high bun, leaving a few pieces at the front to frame my face. Chloé came back from her wardrobe, throwing a blue blazer and grey skirt at me. I changed into my outfit for them, to which they clapped their hands in glee. They dragged me back to school, taking in everyone’s reactions to the new and improved me. This became my new daily outfit for the rest of the year — the class couldn’t find anything bad about it, and even if they did Chloé would threaten them with her father’s power.

I was happy with my squad. Kagami taught us Japanese and Chloé taught us American English that she’d picked up from her mother. I taught them self defence, under the guise of learning it from my mum, unknowingly training them for the day I would rip Chat Noir’s miraculous from him, before slamming it into Kagami’s palm. I needed help that day, so thrust them bee and the fox miraculous at Chloé and Sabrina respectively. They became permanent heroes, Kagami under the name “Noirette”, Chloé under the new guise of “Buttercup” and Sabrina “Renard Rouge”. Akuma attacks have never lasted more than 15 minutes since we got rid of that alley cat, and we’ve been closing in on Hawkmoth recently.

I shook my head, snapping the crude book shut, throwing the diary in the bin. Today was going to be the day I made peace with all that happened, our 10 year school reunion. Doesn’t mean I’m gonna make up with anyone, just that I will finally leave everything behind. I found my lipstick and smeared on the crimson lip, smacking my lips together. I grabbed my clutch and helped Chloé stand up, though she wobbled a little in her heels. I slid her miraculous into her updo, blowing a kiss at her as to not ruin her makeup.

We met up with Kagami and Sabrina in the hallway, Kagami in a wine red suit with gold jewellery, and Sabrina was in emerald green to compliment her red hair. We stepped into the limo awaiting us outside and set off, arriving at the school 10 minutes later. We walked up the steps, hitching up our dresses and arrived in the courtyard. It had been lit up with fairy lights, with stands of food and drinks scattered around the court. Our old classmates were huddled in small groups, whilst Mlle. Mendeleiev’s was in a large group, enjoying each other’s company after 10 years apart.

No one noticed us, until Rose pointed at me and whispered “Who’s that with Chloé?” The group turned to stare at us, trying to place my face. Adrien looked up from talking to Lila, who seemed to be flaunting a rather tacky Gabriel engagement ring, and whispered,

“Marinette?!”

The class began gossiping amongst themselves, “Marinette? Marinette? Marinette?!”

I ignored them, their childish ways were behind me, and walked up to Aurore and Mireille, fawning over their relationship. They turned Kagami, asking her about her life and squealing over her Olympic medal for fencing. I grinned as I watched my old class, happy that they had moved on from each other — well apart from Alya and Adrien, who were still hooked on Lila. I was finally, content! I thought back on my diary, one particular paragraph standing out to me at this time.

And you know, you know, you know, life can be beautiful. You hope, you dream, you pray, and you get your way! Ask me how it feels, lookin' like hell on wheels...My God, it's beautiful! I feel so beautiful... And when you're beautiful...It's a beautiful frickin' day!

Chloé boasted my achievements, my business, my awards, and the entire of Mendeleiev’s class started chanting “Marinette! Marinette! Marinette!”, much to my embarrassment. I boasted her’s in return, Sabrina revealed how far she’d come as a lawyer, Kagami swung her prized sword from side to side as she listened to us all catching up, laughing at the memories.

It really was a beautiful day.

[aros001]

Read through light novel vol. 7. Random thoughts.

I swear Goblin Slayer looks like he's blushing through his armor on that cover. I don't blame him, given it's Cow Girl, but that's what it looks like.

I always get a laugh out of Goblin Slayer's completely unwillingness or inability to remember any type of monster outside of goblins. I think he only knows what vampires and dragon are because they're the most popular monster adventurers want to beat and thus the ones he'd hear about the most. He repeatedly can't remember what an ogre is despite dropping an ocean on one, nor the dark elf or troll, and I think last volume he needed a long minute to remember what giant rats are. No surprise he can't remember what the Loch Ness Monster's name was in this book, or what an elephant is. Mokele Mubenbe. It's hard for me to even pronounce that.

Lizard Priest was in the process of bringing each of the nuns upstairs into the chapel from the basement storehouse. “Stay strong, now. When dawn breaks, we can take you somewhere less upsetting.” “Thank you... Truly...” “Think nothing of it. We may revere different deities, but monkeys came from lizards, in the end. That makes us cousins.” “Heh-heh... You lizardmen...say the strangest...things...”

I don't say this often enough but Lizard Priest is just kind of the best, you know? He's like a big, scaly, green teddy bear. He's a very comforting presence and such an easy person for everyone, including those of different faiths like Priestess and the elves, to be friends with.

At first I was disappointed Priestess didn't get a cure poison miracle, given how often goblins come at the party using poisoned weapons, but her Purify miracle has certainly proved its usefulness, both for cleaning water and air as well as helping psychologically by cleaning up the victims of the goblins. Doesn't restore their stolen virginity but at least leaves less marks and filth for them to be constantly reminded what the goblins did to them. Plus, Goblin Slayer is no stranger to using smoke or poison gas, so Purify is probably good to have on hand to keep such methods from harming the party themselves.

In the middle of this flood of stories, Goblin Slayer said, “So this is your home.” “That’s right.” “That’s good.” “Well—” High Elf Archer’s eyes narrowed like a smiling cat’s. “It’s where my heart is.” Goblin Slayer nodded. Cow Girl blinked at him for a moment. Then he said, “And there are goblins near it.” The note of anger in his voice was unmistakable.

I love all the members of the party, so naturally I'm enjoying all the bonding moments between Goblin Slayer and High Elf Archer in this book, as well as the parallels he keeps drawing between them, especially in regards to their sisters. Their interactions are fun because their personalities contrast so much but in a different way than his and Priestess' or her and Dwarf Shaman's.

Then she went on, “Actually, even a lot of elvish adventurers act like that, especially if they’ve just left the forest.” It’s not that they have no sense of danger, just a poor grasp of scale.

That last bit is a good way of describing a lot of this series. There are people ignorant of how truly dangerous the goblins can be but outside of porcelain ranks it's usually not deliberately so. They just live in a world of other insanely large threats that don't like being ignored, with the elves in particular having members of their species whom lived through the old battles of the gods. Goblins are basically pests and goblin slaying pest control. They're a problem but barely a blip on the radar when you're comparing them to freaking Sauron, whom it feels like you just recently finally got rid of.

There is something absolutely hilarious to me that this man in dirty leather and steel armor, coated in faded red stains, who refuses to ever take his helmet off, barely talks, frequently walks in a manner that's described as violent, and who's sole obsession it is to wipe out every last goblin in existence, is known as The Kindest Man on the Frontier. But I still love it because it makes sense. Most villages on the frontier can't get help with their goblin problems because there's not a lot of fame or money in killing goblins and bigger threats are given more the priority, so they're just left on their own. But then Goblin Slayer comes in, doing the job without any thought to reward or praise. He's saved god knows how many kidnapped women prevented the destruction of countless villages. From the outside, yeah, it looks like just simple kindness. Get to know him a little better and you see that it's obsession. And when you get as close as Priestess and Cow Girl, you agree that it's kindness.

It's so cool that the elf adventurer the party saved on their first quest together made a reappearance, even if it's a small one. Like with Wizard's little brother wanting to avenge her, it's good to show that the people brutalized by the goblins aren't just props to show how serious the situation is. They're real (albeit fictional) people, who had their own lives and people who loved them, so having them still matter later in the story and them trying to get at least some closure is good writing.

I was talking with someone before in my vol. 6 post that something I really like about Goblin Slayer's character is his immaturity. Not that he's whiny and bratty like a kid but rather his trauma stunted him in a few ways. He likely had nothing to do with his village being attacked by goblins but to this day he blames himself for what happened to his sister, from him hiding and doing nothing to save her to in this volume believing she would have long moved on from their village if she didn't have to take care of him. Taking on all that blame and guilt, it's such a childish way of thinking and his trauma (and Burgler's training) meant he never was able to grow out of it. I can just see that little boy under the floorboards, thinking everything that's happening around him is some divine punishment from the gods for something bad he did, like not listening to his sister or getting mad at Cow Girl or literally anything else a kid would normally do.

This world has freaking elevators?! What?! When they first mentioned it I thought it was going to be something involving water or magic or gears, but no! Control panels, keypad, entering a code. It even goes bong when it arrives at its destination. I mean, they say it's not clear whether it operates magically or mechanically but this still feels like a big jump in this world's technology level, considering the most high tech thing I remember prior was ice cream making, and that was a chemical process. I just love the image of Goblin Slayer's party patiently waiting in the elevator as it's going up and soft muzak is playing.

By the time he noticed the change, it was too late. The goblin shaman’s blood had been turned to pure water.

WHOA! Priestess! What the f**k?! Was this her version of strangling the goblin champion with a bundle of hair?! That was awesome!

Also not good for her, given her beliefs. It's a good little conflict for her character and sets up some worry about what'll happen if she does something like this again. The Earth Mother spoke directly to her to warn this was a one-time deal. Would Priestess lose the ability to use Miracles or would the goddess outright smite her for such gross abuse of the powers she gave her? There's also the added conflict that Goblin Slayer praised her for what she did. He's not as important as the Earth Mother but he's still someone Priestess respects and is attached to more than anyone else, so she's going to be conflicted if his life is on the line again.

I've never played DOOM. Still love the reference with Hero.

...Is that why there was an elevator? Is this world some odd combination of DnD, Lord of the Rings, and DOOM?

Even though they showed his image, with everyone else all dressed up for the wedding I'm enjoying imagining Goblin Slayer in his normal armor, just with the addition of a bow tie.

Damn that bouquet tease. Who caught it?! Priestess?! Cow Girl?! Sword Maiden leaping in through the window?!

Original Reddit post: https://www.reddit.com/r/GoblinSlayer/comments/fzwykz/read_through_light_novel_vol_7_random_thoughts/

[talesofealdancynedom]

Seiph Blugimm, in fairy robes; The mage of the Stone Gate forest is not as famous as his twin brother, but is relevant enough to illustrate

Tale 19: Meriam Craweleoth: Mage Queen of The Grand West (chapter 8.1 - At The Time 8/10) part 4. Stories of Old

Maps

none

           Sinonia Doesn’t have cities; it has a constant, and evenly dispersed, rural landscape; And heavy traffic trade routs. The roads are wide, muddy, sided by lush ferns and bamboo, or tree groves. If your lucky, one can pass a farm, with fields strategically placed upon the strata of hills. There are many hills, of many heights in Sinonia; with many bridges. Like soft old mountains that never ended. The good thing about these features, is that it’s hard to get lost. There is always one person within distance, to gesticulate for directions; And they are used to it. The bad thing is that it feels like a perpetual hike, with no change in scenery. Meriam and her men had been away from home for weeks, and had only just accepted the fact they had traveled across the world, and their only hope was a magic forest, where they might find Sirulius’s identical twin brother. Of whom was the court mage, from what they gathered. Having searched the mountains for days, they stopped at what seemed to be an elaborate building, painted red and adorned with beads, and canvas sliding doors depicting nature. The ground around it was surrounded by perfectly circular cobbled of stone, and coloured glass. Tiered and hungry, Meriam decided such a gratuitous establishment might have a good host. The door slid open without her needing to ring the brass bells, with the provided mallet.

           The odd house was crowded with gold and red charms for luck. There was depictions of fey and livestock on everything; from statues, basins, table wear, and tapestries; to the canvas walls. The owner was a short very old lady, dressed in embroidered vibrant satins. She was the only one in the house, and given the number of luxurious objects in and around the property, possibly rich. From what Meriam could tell, the entire place was completely normal; not a drop of enchantment. Though it had a certain ambiance to it, that would make some people suspicious. Like it was too comfortable, and thus hiding something. The old lady instinctively brought powdered green tea, and said they could stay the night because her eight cats liked them. Meriam was allergic to cats, but her men seemed to like them. Meriam and her party were given congii, and warm water to bathe; they had never known such gratitude in theirs lives.

“Thank you graciously for your hospitality; Are you sure you do not want compensation? I am a mage and can easily alchemize you anything you wish, enchant your house with protections-” Meriam said

“No thank you.” The old lady smiled, filling her bowl. “I’ve had enough of mages and magic, Anglian girl. That’s why I live here in Sinonia. There aren’t many fey outside the gate. And the fey that are here, are mischievous or obvious. Best to leave them alone; guard your livers while you sleep, there be foxes in these woods. And stay away from the water, there be dragons behind the falls. Sleep every night like it is your last, and be weary of things that seem too good.”

“That sounds incredible! The fey I mean, not the fact you’re not fond of magic.” Meriam said.

“Yes dear. I prefer cats.”

“I can see that... That said, we are looking for a magic gate, so we may get home. I was told, by a mage at the coast, his brother guards the Stone Gate; you wouldn’t happen to know how to get there from here?”

“Oh, our witch Seiph Blugimm! He’s a good boy. Keeps the fey away, and brings me these adorable strays. Has two children who live down river, with his wife. She grows and makes the best tea, and visits often with Seiph’s artwork for my walls.” The old lady said frailly. “You can find him ten minutes down road, if you veer off the path to your right, when you see a goblin made of moonstone. Can’t miss it.” She smiled. Everyone gave thanks, and had a good sleep on soft floor mats, surrounded by purring fur. They had a good mourning meal, and the lady sent them off with a smile. She was genuinely happy to have had visitors.

“By the way dear; Your men may go dark in the shadow veil on your way home. Magic forest,s and gates to the kingdoms of fey, aren’t the place for common men.” She warned Meriam. Meriam was so eager to go home, she had forgotten that non-mages get scared by the colourless, windless, warmthless, quiet shadow veil.

            Being refreshed by the first good sleep they had in weeks, did not prepare Meriam or her men from the incredibly creepy goblin statue. It was larger than a normal goblin, and had a crinkled face and was showing its tusk like teeth, holding a shard of crystal. It was one of the most terrifying bad omens Meriam had ever seen.

“You don’t think it’s a warning, do you, your highness? From this Seiph mage, my queen?”

“No. It is the rough work from dwarves, by the look of it.” Meriam said, inspecting the statue. Then she headed off the path, and deeper into the forest. There was an unsettling identical statue, every ten meters, leading to a flattened mountain face that was painted red, and covered in non-human hand prints. Infront of it was a different statue: it was tall beautiful man made of smooth grey rock. Behind the statue, was a perfectly carved tunnel into the mountain. It was big enough to accommodate a single file line of people. Above it, freshly painted, was the title Forest of Lost Children in Anglian runes. Meriam shrugged, and entered, then summoned luck fire to lead the way.

           As they advanced though the tunnel, it widened; until they reached a waterfall that filled the passage. Yet, there was no cracks in the ceiling, nor the floor; that water was coming from, and going, nowhere. Meriam stared at it for a few minutes, and then reached into the center, and pulled it aside like a curtain, gesturing for her men to pass. The further in the cave they went, the more eerie and dark it became. Until they noticed glowing mushrooms, and giant flowers, which radiated neon colours. They began to hear roars, caws, groans and howls coming from the thick forest they entered. It was night, even though it was dawn. Meriam stopped at a fork in the round cobbled trail, that was now underfoot. There was a waist high flat rock, with brail like dots on it. Down one path, there was glowing water, flowing from the mountain, with a dwarf carved bridge. The other way lead into the woods up and the mountain. The third path lead into a thick thorn laden part of the forest.

“I don’t know where to go, and I fear letting Nihten look ahead. I fear charming, or talking to these fey. The trees are gossiping ill wills.” Meriam said, looking around cautiously. This began to unsettle her party. Suddenly, small lights began to glow; leading them down the inner forest path. Meriam grabbed the knight who was about to follow them.

“I don’t think those fairies are the kind that are fond of humans.” She warned.

“Lies.” A small boy’s voice came from the bridge. Everyone looked down the water path, to see a small boy in a cone hat, and mucking gear on a small raft. He was using a pole to go through the water. He appeared to be a swamp wildling. Faries that resemble boys, but hate coddling and wield elemental powers to match their habitat. Meriam and her knights had seen ice ones in Grand Snow, and Storm Wildlings in Isfisceard. They usually hung in clubs causing mischief, but this one was alone. And it knew how to speak to humans; Which meant it must have met one.

“Hello!” Meriam said, dashing toward the bridge. Her men, now spooked, quickly ran after Meriam, fearing she was the only thing between them and death.

“My name is Meriam Craweleoth, I am a mage of Anglia, and me and my friends are looking for Seiph and the Stone Gate. Can you help us?” Meriam chimed.

“Play with me. The river is made by a dragon who breaths liquid fire to light the forest. The mermaids are at the bottom, and they might eat your friends. You can follow me though! You can call me Boomer. I don’t remember my fame name. been too long.” Boomer said enthusiastically.

           Boomer played tag with them, leading the party of six to a stone platform that came out of the glowing swamp. There was also no fey in the swamp, so Meriam guessed Boomer had made it as a moat around the buildings, and he only let friends pass. Meriam and her knights climbed the large stairs out of the water, and up to the top. It looked like a royal palace, made entirely of stone smaller houses, around a town square. In the center of the square, was a well that resembled an inviting fire pit. The place looked abandoned, yet lived in. There was a stable full of odd horses, goats and pigs, and a man in slate and peins grey silk fairy robes, smoking on a porch. He looked like Sirulius, down to his blue eyes, but his hair remained black, and he wore formal Sinonian makeup in a duo chrome teal. He looked surprised to see them.

“Look Seiph! New friends! And one is a mage!” Boomer exclaimed, running over to hug his knee. Seiph put out his pipe, and got up from his kneeling desk to greet his guests. He summoned short pillowed stools around the fire pit, and bowed.

“Io’s enchantments, and children, keep most folk far from here. I made this village with the stone children, for my family; all of which trust and love magic. Yet, they dare not enter the Forest of Lost Children. What makes you so brave you bare it?”

“We need to pass into the shadow veil, with the Stone Gate. We live in the capital of Anglia, on the other side of the Raven Gate. We have traveled across the world, and are desperate to go home to our own families.” Meriam pleaded.

“Your guards wear fine clothes; they are paid well. I can only assume you are The Mage Queen. Are your men aware they would have to pass the terror of the shadow veil, to get home? As if this cursed daycare isn’t terrorizing enough?” Seiph said sternly.

“My Queen, you did not say the shadow veil would hurt us…” one of the knights said.

“It won’t. It will just be unsettling to the point of causing you to go dark from sensory confussion. I know how to treat your fever and bleeding, from the magic flow that results from your …discomfort as common folk. I can quickly prepare a potion of Rosa Sanguine, when we immerge. Though, if you’re lucky, your eyes and hair may be a more radiant hue.” Meriam said. “Do you not trust me? I would not put in danger, or make you do anything I didn’t think you could do.” She finished. Her guards were so tiered, and wanted to go home so badly, but now they were torn by terror. Seiph transmuted a pot, and made them some tea. It was the same good matcha their previous host said was from his wife. They all took a seat. The glow of the fire and tree children, was like lanterns in the dark of the forest; which echoed the whispers, and calls of fey.

“Let us share some tales and tea, while your common folk decide thier fates. Do you trust your queen and the power of the love for your families, and in your hearts? Or will you sacrum to fear of the ‘darker’ side of magic. Even if you choose to battle your greatest emotions, in the ether of all enchantment, I must add it is difficult to get to Stone Queen’s Gate.” Seiph said. They took their cups of tea in silence, and Seiph gave Boomer some warm milk and a lap to sleep on. Boomer was the only wilding in this forest, and he was also one of the few fey who were kind here. If it isn’t a stone child, Seiph warned, it is not worth trusting in the magic forest of the Stone Gate. This is the magic forest the beast king’s send the fey children that don’t play nice with the kingdoms of men.

           Meriam started by informing Seiph that his brother Sirlius, had fallen in love with Asada of the Monkey Gate; to fulfill her destiny and dreams. It proved Seiph was capable of smiling. Then the knights went on about the Emperor denying their request for peace, after saving the town from Sirulius’s storm; which they needed to appease the Sultan of Indonia. All of these things where done in order to gain safe global passage, and encircle Francia into surrender, or alliance. Just saying it, reminded them of the wars going on at boarders around the world. Battles that claimed their brothers, uncles and fathers, and of which they were lucky enough to never attend.

“I can put in a good word about an alliance. Though neutrality is the best result; Sinonia is aligned with Francia and Indonia, and is attempting to take the Eastlands of Vieticia. A quarter our land is desert, another quarter is alpine. We need lush landa as much as our allies. Not to mention, our Emperor is a greedy evil bastard; Our ore alone could buy Sinonia anything it wishes from merchants; Yet he hoards it. You should see the imperial palace. But still, the emperor may align with you if I want it. You see, He wants a court mage so bad, but dare not fetch me from this forest, or threaten my family. He fears me, yet desires me. He tries to butters me, while eating from my spoon. I could care less for his cause, but his favor amuses me. I don’t want more soldiers dying for a pointless battle; It’s frankly stupid. On behalf of Sinonia, I accept the peace of the West and North kingdoms. If traveling across the plains of fire, and into this forest, then through the shadow veil, does not convince this kingdom of your value, I do not know what will.” Seiph explained. The crackling warmth fire that burned before them, was a deep unnatural orange, that comforted deep into the bones. Meriam thought she should have warned Seiph, Sirulius, and Asada, of wizards; but realized they were untouchable due to their curses. No matter the comfort of the magic flames, she felt sad. She felt guilt for not warning her guards and friends of danger, in order to preserve their ignorant bliss. Being a Seer of magic, had taught her the value of not knowing. As her heart sank, Meriam heard all five of her beloved knights agree to her terms. They, as common folk, trusted that magic would not hurt them; and they would endure the shadow veil to hug the ones they loved.

NEXT--->

<---PREVIOUS

[voyager-into-the-unknown]

This is my December 27th contribution for the Pikelavar Winter Event. You can find this fic and several others that I have written on AO3.

“All I Want for Midwinter is Meklavar” by PlanceGardener21

❄️ ❄️ Chapter 2–Snow ❄️ ❄️

Pike trudged miserably through snow drifts, his face half-hidden by his long red scarf. He looked behind him and saw that Meklavar was having trouble keeping up with his longer strides. The snow was piling higher by the minute, and he feared that if they stayed out in the snowstorm any longer they would both freeze to death.

“W-we’re n-nearly there,” she told him. Her teeth were chattering. In the distance, Pike saw the little abandoned cabin high on a hill at the edge of the woods that Block had told them about. It was small and dark, but the roof was still intact, and the walls would provide relief from the cold wind that cut through his lightweight clothing like daggers of ice.

“Firewood,” said Pike as they neared the front door. They gathered as many logs as they could carry from the woodpile near the entrance and brought them inside, then barred the door against the howling wind. Pike looked around after he set down his armful of logs. There was a fireplace, numerous cooking pans and utensils, a table and chairs, a small washtub, a couple of chamber pots, and a small bed covered with a faded quilt. “Cozy,” he said with a grin.

“It won’t be until we get that fire started. Come on.” Meklavar already had her logs stacked neatly in the fireplace, and had set her traveling pack down near the hearth.

“I think there’s enough there for a pretty good blaze,” Pike said as he moved his own logs over to the remains of a small stack of firewood near the wall. “We can use these later, when the fire dies down.” He set is own pack down and started rummaging in it. Mek had her flint and tinder out and busied herself with starting the fire while Pike found them something to eat in his pack.

“We have dried beef, cheese, bread, and some nuts and berries left. But we are low on water.”

“Melt some snow for later, then,” she said.

Pike gathered a few of the pots and jugs that looked clean enough, then teleported back outside to fill them with fresh snow, then set them on the hearth to melt. Mek had her helmet off and was removing her armor. Even her black under suit was soaked from the melting snow, and she was violently shivering.

“You’d better get out of those wet clothes,” Pike advised.

“I’m trying. Could you turn the other way, please?” Mek gone through her pack and had laid out clean socks and rather delicate feminine-looking undergarments along with her heavy woolen sleeping tunic.

Pike felt his cheeks grow warmer, but not from the fireplace. “I won’t peek,” he said as he turned his back to her. “I’m changing out of my wet clothes too.” He found his warmest sleeping shirt and pants at the bottom of his pack, then began to strip off his wet clothes.

“Are you finished changing?” she asked.

Pike bristled. “N-no, not yet,” he said. At the moment he was completely naked and trying to scramble into clean underwear. “Just a moment, please.” He hurriedly slipped on his warm sleeping pants, and had to wriggle about to get his tail through the proper opening. He could hear her running a comb through her short hair on the opposite side of the room. He knew that Mek hated having matted helmet hair. “I’m done,” he announced right after he had pulled his shirt over his head. She padded over towards the fireplace to arrange her wet clothing on the floor in front of the hearth to dry, and then Pike did the same.

“Did you see anything we can use as a clothesline?” She asked.

“No, but let’s have a look around.” They began to search the cabin. A few minutes later Pike found a long tightly woven cord that they could tie across the room. He set about hanging up a makeshift clothesline in front of the fireplace, then hanging up their outer garments upon it. Meklavar had snatched away her discarded socks and underwear, and his as well, much to his embarrassment.

“These need to be washed,” she explained. She began heating some of the melted snow and searching her pack for a laundry bar. When she had found it, she made use of the washtub and began scrubbing away at their dirty underclothes.

“I could do that myself,” he said, embarrassed that she was washing his underpants.

“I don’t mind. I need some cool water for rinsing though.”

Pike fetched that for her. “Is there anything else I can do to help?”

“See what provisions I have left in my pack. We should inventory our food supplies.” She was rinsing and wringing out their things, then arranging them on their makeshift clothesline. She washed and rinsed their outer garments last, then hung them up once more.

“Time for supper,” he announced. Pike had found some more provisions in her pack, and together they determined that they could last a few days if they didn’t overeat. Mek searched the cabin’s assortment of odds and ends and soon found a tea kettle and two chipped mugs. Since she had the foresight to bring along a large packet of herbs and tea leaves, she set about brewing them each a cup of hot minty tea. They sat at the little table near the hearth and nibbled upon bread and cheese, salted nuts, and jerky. The berries made an excellent dessert, and the tea warmed their insides as the heat from the fireplace warmed them from the outside. It was cozy indeed. It felt...domestic, as if they were a young couple getting used to their first shared dwelling place. Pike smiled dreamily at the thought of having her as his life partner. He wondered if she ever thought about settling down someday.

“I’m so glad Block told us about this place,” she said, her elfin features illuminated by the crackling firelight.

“Yeah. I didn’t think we were going to last much longer in that storm. We might have frozen to death.” He sipped his drink. “This tea is so good, Mek.”

“Thanks.” She had brought a parchment scroll to the table along with the tea, and now she finally unrolled it, then set the plates and mugs at the four corners of the scroll to make it lie flat. It was a map of the rugged terrain they must traverse to reach Block’s village, where they would soon be heading with the intention of attending the midwinter festival. Block had invited them, along with the mystical archer Valayun, Jiro the Paladin, and Thunder the half-elf to stay at his home during the days of the famed and much-anticipated event. All quests in the land of Aurita were put aside during midwinter, for there would be gift giving, spectacles, and holiday feasting during the days of the celebration. The two adventurers studied the map for a time, trying to figure out the most practical route through the frozen terrain. When they had determined their best course through the woods and mountains, Pike yawned.

“Sleepy?” Mek asked, her beautiful golden brown eyes reflecting the light of the fire.

“I can curl up by the hearth so you can have the bed.” Pike may have been a thief and a rogue, but he was a gentleman as far as ladies were concerned.

“Are you sure? I don’t mind sharing.” Meklavar’s cheeks were pink, and not just from windburn. Pike’s eyes widened and his face grew warm. His heart was racing, and his tail stiffened.

“Uh...” he wasn’t sure what to say next. What was she implying by this? He didn’t want to make any assumptions.

“I mean, shared body heat is the best way to keep warm. I’m simply being practical about this.” She averted her gaze. Her soft tawny hair was in damp curls that framed her pink-cheeked elfin face. Pike had never seen her look more adorable. He thought about how nice it would be to snuggle up against her soft little body under the warm quilt. He was so enthralled by the notion that he nearly started purring.

“Okay!” He practically lept across the room and began peeling back the layers of quilts and blankets and fluffing the pillows while Meklavar was clearing the table and putting away her map. When she approached the bed, Pike was already under the covers. He was stretched out to his full length, laying on his right side and leaning on one elbow, grinning triumphantly, like a cat that had caught a particularly juicy mouse. He winked at her.

Meklavar stood staring at him wide-eyed, rooted to the spot. He was wondering if she was afraid of him or suddenly regretting her decision to invite him to share the bed with her.

“Come on, Mek. It’s freezing. I promise I’ll behave.”

She slowly approached the bed, climbed under the covers with him, and then shivered a little, and Pike began to wonder if it wasn’t just from the cold. He lay on his side facing her. “Is it okay if we cuddle?” He asked softly.

“It’s okay,” she said in a quivering, breathy voice.

He nuzzled her chest and wrapped his long arms around her, sighing with contentment. She stroked his furry head as he lay upon her soft bosom and, much to his embarrassment, he began to purr. She giggled.

“Sorry...I can’t help it when I—“

She continued stroking his soft fur. “I think it’s cute,” she confessed, sleepily. “And so are you, Pike.”

Pike felt his heart racing again. Was she flirting with him? He suddenly felt warm all over. Her words gave him the courage to say what he had been thinking about out loud. “I think you’re cute, too...for a dwarf.”

“For a dwarf? What’s that supposed to mean?” She sounded a little offended.

“Not enough fur,” he teased.

“Ugh. I’m not going to give up my personal grooming habits just for you.”

Pike chuckled. “You wax your legs.”

“That’s really none of your business.”

“They’re so smooth,” he said, as he rubbed her right leg under the covers.

“Pike,” she began, angrily.

“Okay, don’t get upset, Mek. I’ll behave. I promised. Remember?” He lifted his head from her chest to look at her for a moment, and he saw how much she was blushing. He gazed wistfully at her, wondering if that meant she felt the same as he did. She rolled away from him to lay on her side, turning her face away from him, and rearranged her sleeping tunic which had ridden up during Pike’s explorations.

“I’m sorry, Mek. I didn’t mean to offend you.”

“It’s all right. Go to sleep now, Pike.”

“I think you have nice legs.”

“Pike—“

He sighed. “I’ll be quiet. You still want to cuddle, right? I mean, we have to stay warm.”

“You can put your arms around me if you want to, as long as your hands don’t start wandering. I have an axe, you know.” She said in a low voice.

Pike’s tail bristled. “I’ll behave.” His voice cracked, betraying his fear. It was best to take her threats seriously. After all, he didn’t want to lose an appendage. As he lay on his side, he carefully slipped an arm around her waist, to spoon with her. “Is this okay?”

She sighed. “It is. Now go to sleep.” He pressed the length of his body against hers, enveloping her in his warmth. Her breathing slowed as she drifted off to the sound of Pike purring in her ear.

@pikelavarforest @defendersofaurita @anchoredtether

[clevercatchphrase]

You Monster Chpt. 32

You know what? I don’t really feel like cross posting my chapters to tumblr very much anymore since it’s such a hassle. The whole reason I did was to get more exposure, but I can’t really do that now with tumblr’s hatred of posts with links in them. I guess I will continue to post for the rest of this fic (since I only got, like, 5 chapters left), but I won’t link the chapters anymore since I would like for them to show up in the search, and from here on out any stories I write will be exclusively on AO3. Sorry to anyone who preferred reading my stories over here for what ever reason, but I just don’t want to deal with tumblr’s bs anymore :/

“Excellent work today, team! You were all beautiful, darlings!” Mettaton says, rolling into his trailer. “I’m going to take a quick one hour power nap to recharge! Everyone take a break yourselves! You’ve earned it! Please do not disturb me while I’m in sleep mode darlings!”

Once behind closed doors, the robot wastes no time getting ready to recharge. He opens a port and pulls out a USB on a long chord, attaches it to an adaptor and plugs into an outlet. Once situated, he retracts his arms and wheel and settles in his docking station.

As a robot, he had sleep mode, but didn’t exactly dream. Shutting down more or less was a lapse in consciousness--an instantaneous jump between being awake from one moment to the next without that pesky drowsiness or grogginess that organic beings had to suffer with. A highly preferable option in his opinion. Why waste time living out your dreams unconscious, when you could dream while being awake and make them come true while you were at it?

‘System updating. Please do not unplug your device or force shut down.’ Computer code says in the ones and zeroes on the inner side of his monitor screens. ‘Installing 1 out of 3105 updates…’

“Oh, for the love of…” Mettaton whispers. By the time the new updates finished installing his hour power nap would be over. Well, maybe sleep mode wouldn’t be as instantaneous as he thought…

There was a knock at the door. Normally Mettaton would have turned the intruder away for blatantly bothering him when he had made his demands clear not to, but since he was feeling generous (and since he knew he wouldn’t be getting any good rest for at least forty more minutes) he decides to let it pass just this once.

“Yes darling?” the robot says answering the door.

The monster that stands before him is stork like, yellow with legs as thin as twigs and skinny feathery arms. On its back was a huge postal bag overflowing with letters. “Special delivery for Mettaton!” the monster says, hefting the huge mail sack over its shoulders as it tries to keep its knees from buckling under the weight.

The robot’s speakers squeal with delight. “Fan mail? For me? Hand it over!”

Snatching the bag of mail away from the carrier and slaming the door in their face, Mettaton wheels back into his docking station, pulls out the first letter, tears it open and begins to read.

“Dear Mettaton; I love your shows!” it begins. “I am a HUGE fan of the boss monster kid who keeps showing up on your newest programs.” Ha ha, well of cour- what. “Please tell me you plan to keep them around! Your shows haven’t been this interesting since the controversial robot zombie survival show of yours!”

They like his shows... For the human? But… But he was supposed to be the main attraction! Well! No matter! That was just one letter! Tossing it aside, Mettaton reaches back in the bag and grabs another;

“Dear Mettaton, I love your new boss monster cohost!”

COHOST?! Why the insult! Mettaton, the number one star of the Underground would never share the spotlight with some… some underling! Dropping the letter on the floor, he pulls out another, and another after that, but all the fan mail says the same dreadful thing; ”The boss monster kid is adorable!” “Can you give this letter to them to let them know how much I love them?” “It’s nice to see you mix it up and bring in some fresh talent. The old programs were beginning to get stale.”

Oh, of all the insolent! Mettaton was always top billing! He wasn’t going to let some child take away HIS adoring fans! The brilliant red giant wasn’t about to be upstaged by some little white dwarf! By some… some human!

“No… no! This will not stand!” Mettaton mutters angrily to himself. Worked into a tizzy, he paces his room, rolling over all the discarded letters and leaving tracks in the rug. “I have to do something about this. I have to!” Rolling over to the phone, Mettaton picks up the receiver and hits the speed dial. “Hello, yes! There has been a change of plans! I need you to do an overhaul for the final showdown. I’ve made a last minute executive decision, and we’re going to end this finale a bit differently than anticipated. It’s time to break out the big guns…”

The massive hotel dawns on the horizon long before the royal scientist and boss monster child reach it.

“What’s that?” the human asks Alphys when the multistory sky scraper comes into view.

“OH, that? That’s the MTT-resort.” Alphys explains. “I-it use to be an apartment complex years back before Mettaton’s rise to fame, and…. W-well, anyway, there’s a couple elevators in there th-that should t-take us straight up to New Home.”

New Home. Just saying the two words sends a sharp pang in Alphys’ chest. Only now was the actual gravity of her situation starting to sink in, acutely reminding her what she’s doing to this child who relied on her, trusted her now. They’re both only one elevator ride away from the end, and yet here she is, passively letting it happen, not even attempting to dissuade her new friend from their inevitable fate.

But… but she’s doing no more than what she’s promised, hasn’t she? She agreed to help them get to New Home and nothing more, right? And delivering them straight to Asgore was what they wanted, yes? S-so, by that logic, trying to stall them, to keep them from the king would be hindering them, which was the opposite of helping, correct?

But… but does knowing they would be hurt and allowing it to happen considered helpful? If… if she continued to just let them go, fully aware of the consequences…

Alphys shakes her head in frustration. Slowing them down would hurt them and possibly ruin their trust in her… but letting them go would also hurt them in a way far worse. She didn’t want either but felt she had come too far to turn back now… but she would also never forgive herself if she didn’t at least try to deter them before their inescapable end. Now if only she could think of something clever enough to buy them some extra time.

The child gasps in awe when they breach the rise and they can truly take in the resort’s immense size. The building is built directly into the volcano’s wall; a stark contrast of a smooth perfectly geometric shape against the rough uneven mountainside, like someone had shoved a toy model into a mound of dirt. The hill they had climbed had only made it look closer than it was, but now at the top of the arc, the pathway winds back down before stopping off at a large flight of stairs.

The rest of the way is clear. With no more road blocks in sight, the kid can’t help but quicken their step. Alphys hastily speeds up her pace to keep up, keeping an eye out for any distraction to help chew up time and delay the worst. There’s a pair of monsters loitering outside the building. One is tall and green with a distinct reptilian form about her, while the other is short and round and purple with prominent cat features. They chat idly to one another, giggling in unison over some inside joke only they know, when the cat monster glances your way, does a double take, then frantically waves at the traveling pair.

“Bratty! Bratty look! They’re like, totally here! I told you they would come this way!” The cat monster says.

“Like, you’re totally right, Catty,” Bratty giggles, before casually joining Catty in waving the pair to come closer. “Heeey Alphys! Like, long time no see!”

“Oh my,” Alphys hesitates, her social awkwardness telling her to fight or flee. She blinks her panic aside and considers. This could be just the diversion she was looking for.

“Oh, do you know those guys?” the human asks.

“Y-yeah. B-Bratty and C-Catty. Th-they use to be my old neighbors.” Alphys states, trotting closer to them, and waving at the child to follow. “Uh, H-hey girls! H-how have you been?”

“Oh, same old, same old,” Catty giggles. “The economy still, like, totally sucks, and the Hotland populous vastly out numbers the amount of available jobs, so finding employment is, like, near impossible.”

“Pursuing higher education is now more of a risk than a necessity,” Bratty adds. “With no guarantee of job placement after graduation, you’re more likely to wind up in more debt than you would have just trying to apply without a degree.”

Alphys gives a little gasp. “Does that mean you two dropped out? Oh I’m so sorry to hear that guys.”

The caiman and cat monsters exchange a look and bust out laughing.

“L-O-L, Alphys!” Catty snorts. “You are, like, so hilarious!”

“W-what?”

“Yeah, girl,” Bratty explains. “You can’t, like, drop out of something you never joined.”

“Bratty and I skipped the whole school thing and just, like, started our own business!”

“R-really? That’s… great?” Alphys congratulates them with a bit of uncertainty.

“Yeah, it’s, like, greater than great,” Bratty says.

“It’s literally the BEST!” Catty adds.

“We’re like, actually doing pretty well for ourselves and we can actually afford rent for the MTT hotel!”

“Like, thank god for the free market economy or making a living here would be impossible unless you know someone already on the corporate ladder.”

“You don’t say!” Alphys smiles, genuinely happy for them. Crossing her arms, she settles back while the human reluctantly joins her at her side, doing their best to hide their impatience at the sudden detour. “What’s your secret?”

“Oh my god, Alphys!” Catty chuckles. “We can’t just, like, give away our business model!”

“Yeah, girl. We gotta, like, keep that trade secret close to the vest.” Bratty adds.

“Oh, I understand,” Alphys says. Bratty and Catty trade looks, their grins growing wider and threatening to burst.

“We just take all the junk we find in Waterfall and sell it!” Catty exclaims.

“We make a one hundred percent profit on everything we sell,” Bratty chuckles. “Mostly because we didn’t have to pay a single cent to get this stuff in the first place.”

“Yeah! And since, like, all the food and stuff is totally wicked expensive inside the resort, people constantly come to us for snacks instead!”

“It’s, like, the perfect set up.”

“It’s LITERAL junk food!”

Beside her, the child clears their throat and inconspicuously tries to signal for her to move on with a pleading smile. Not wanting to get on their bad side, Alphys caves at once. They’re both so close to their end goal, she can’t refuse them now.

“Well! I’m proud of you two!” Alphys says, politely trying to leave the conversation. “It looks like you’re both doing pretty well for yourselves. See you around!”

“Woah, woah, woah, Alphys! You can’t leave just yet!” Bratty says, sticking out an arm to cut off your retreat.

“Yeah, like, where are our manners!” Catty says. “We were, like, totally camping out here waiting for you to show up!”

“Y-you were?” Alphys asks nervously. “Why?”

“Because we haven’t heard from you in forever, girl! And suddenly you’re all over TV with Mettaton and this adorable little one.” Batty coos, bending down to pinch the human’s cheek. Reluctantly, they let her, not wanting to be rude.

“So, Alphys, are you gonna introduce your new friend to us?” Catty says.

“Oh, uh, um.” The royal scientist turns to them. “Bratty, Catty, th-this is-”

“I’m Chara,” The human cuts with practiced politeness to speed things along. They offer a hand to shake.

“Heeey there, you little cutie!” Bratty says, ignoring the hand completely and kneeling down on their level to ruffle their hair. “You were so great on TV! You’re like, the Underground’s newest superstar!”

“Oh! Oh! Tell us! What’s it like working with Mettaton? What’s he smell like? Is it true his glove hands are as soft as angora?” Catty asks, her eyes lighting up like stars.

Alphys can see them debate letting these girls know their true feelings on Mettaton, and how they thought he was a time waster and an annoyance above anything else, but even they couldn’t find it in their heart to crush the vision of their idol in their heads.

“He certainly is…. A hindrance,” the child says at last.

“Oh, yeah, totally.” Catty agrees. “His game shows are known to be, like, wicked tough with all the physical challenges.”

“So tell us all the details, girl!” Bratty demands, straightening back up to look at Alphys.

“Yeah! What’s it like working with Mettaton? Does he give you any discounts on his merch, since you, like, created him?” Catty asks, crowding closer.

“Do you think you can get us an Autograph from him?”

“Do you think you can get him to sign my face?”

“Do you think you can get us tickets to his next show?”

“I-it’s really not that glamorous,” Alphys shrugs, trying to put some space between her and the inquisitive monsters. Mettaton and I hardly hang out, s-since I’m always so busy working for the king. Soul research a-and what not.” She does her best not to look at the human, but thankfully they don’t seem to notice.

“Oooooh!” Bratty and Catty sing in unison.

“No wonder we haven’t seen you around!”

“Spending all your time with Asgore, I see!”

“How’ve you been working with the king?”

“Have you two gotten any closer?”

“W-w-what? N-n-no, it’s nothing like that!” Alphys says defensively. “H-h-he’s my boss!”

“Um, am I missing something here?” The human asks.

“Alphys here has the BIGGEST crush on King Asgore!” Catty says. “She used to tell us how she was going to date him when we were younger!”

“But, like, who can blame her?” Bratty says. “The king’s a total hottie.”

“A big, fuzzy, bara hottie!” Cattie adds.

“Alphys always wanted to work close to the king, so she like, totally made Mettaton to impress him-“

“And it totally worked. Now she gets to see lord fuzzy buns whenever she wants!”

“GAH! Will you guys stop?!” Alphys shouts, her scales turning a lovely shade of Embarrassment Pink. “A-a-after working with Asgore closely for the past few years, I was able to learn more about him and re-evaluate my feelings towards him!” she exclaims. “A-Asgore is a great guy, but he’s also my boss, and since I started working for him I realized my feelings towards him were only based on infatuation. I’ve since learned that he’s a great friend and coworker but not someone I’d want to be in a romantic relationship with. Besides, he’s not my type.”

“Is that so?” Bratty asks, teasing. “Well then what IS your type now, Alphys?”

“Th-that’s none of your concern!” Alphys says blushing.

“Wait, are you no longer into muscular guys?” Catty asks.

“Like, get real, Catty. Everyone knows that’s old news. Alphys is, like, totally into buff fish chicks now.”

“W-w-what? Who told you that?!” Alphys demands, her face growing from pink to bright red.

“From RG 02. He was here yesterday.”

“Impossible! That guard never reveals his secrets!”

“Aww, please don’t be mad, Alphys,” Bratty says apologetically. “You know we’re just messing with you. But if you got a crush on someone, you gotta tell them before life slips you by.”

“Yeah! That’s why I tell Bratty I love her every day!” Catty cheers.

“Aw, I love you too, girlfriend,” Bratty blushes.

“Th-that may be easy for you to do, but it would be pretty pointless for me,” Alphys murmurs. “Undyne’s great and all, but I know for a fact I’m not the kind of person she’s looking for either. Undyne probably wants someone who can keep up with her. You know, someone who can run twenty miles in two minutes or bench press ten times her own weight like she can.”

“But don’t you two, like, always have movie nights together?” Bratty asks.

“Y-yeah but that’s different! We have a common interest in anime, but not much else.”

Out of the corner of her eye, Alphys can see the human studying her strangely. They’re no longer hopping from foot to foot, anxiously waiting for her to wrap it up so they can keep going forward. Instead they’re looking at her quizzically, as if trying to decipher a riddle. They graciously don’t say anything, but now it’s Alphys’ who feels the desperate need to move on away from these two.

“W-well, we should really be on our way,” Alphys says, trying to side step the caiman and cat monsters. “It was n-nice catching up with you! You two take care!”

“Same to you, Alphys!” Catty says, waving farewell.

“And if you need any snacks you know where to find us!”

Alphys gently pushes the child along until they’re close enough that the hotel’s automatic doors let them both in. The royal scientist blinks several times as her eyes adjust to the blinding fluorescents that reflected off of nearly every surface in the foyer. The interior of the MTT hotel is bright with brilliant golds and dazzling amber fixtures and gilded trim, and everything her eyes laid on sparkled. Ugh, this place always gave her a headache.

Gentle xylophone and acoustic music floats on the air. The lobby is filled with lively chatter and in the center of the room is a giant fountain with a statue of Mettaton, gracefully spewing an arc of water. Perhaps the spray is a little too strong, or maybe the centerpiece is off balanced, but either way the arc of water is making a giant puddle on the floor. A dozen yellow wet floor signs mark the perimeter of the puddle, warning civilians of the slipping hazard. The smell of hot cooked food wafts from a café near the back.

“Oh man, look at the line for the elevator,” Alphys says in fake regret, pointing to the right at queue that snaked halfway around the hall. “Ah, figures. It’s rush hour right now. Everyone is leaving work from New Home and heading to the other regions and vice versa. We could be here a while.”

“So what do we do?” The child asks her.

“W-well, nothing to do but get in line and wait our turn.” The royal scientist shrugs. “It would be rude to cut to the front, wouldn’t it?”

The human reluctantly nods and joins her at the end of the line. They sigh in mild annoyance at this new hurdle, while Alphys secretly sighs in relief. This was perfect. The line could take hours to go down, and maybe by the time they reached the front it would be too late to visit the king, granting her at least one more day to figure out how to keep them from getting to New Home all together.

Maybe she could convince them to come back to her lab with her? No, this was a hotel, they’d probably just want to stay here. Perhaps she could get Mettaton to intervene again somehow? Unlikely. That robot was far too self-obsessed to help anyone unless it directly benefited him in the process. What if she went ahead of them and talked to Asgore first? Possibly… But what if things went wrong, and he decided to come out and look for them?

Minutes tick by and the line slowly inches its way forward, but they don’t move very far when Alphys hears a stomach rumble.

“W-was that you?” the yellow lizard asks, casting a glance back at her companion.

The human blushes. “Y-yeah, guess it’s close to dinner time, and those smells from the restaurant certainly aren’t helping.”

“Do… do you want to go get something to eat? It’ll b-be a while before we get to New Home.” Alphys asks, jerking her thumb towards the little burger shop. The human opens their mouth to argue, but the royal scientist interrupts, already knowing what they were going to say. “D-don’t worry about losing your place in line. I’ll st-stay here and hold it for you.”

The child hesitates for a moment, before flashing her a grateful smile, and darting off towards the burger emporium. Once out they’re out of her sight, Alphys lets out a quiet moan.

Oh, what was she to do?

You take up Alphys’ advice and head into the tiny restaurant. Inside there are a couple of plastic booths with a few patrons. The air smells like grease and salt, and behind the register is an orange… cat… hamster… bear monster. His smile is wide but his eyes look dead. You approach the counter cautiously.

“Welcome to the MTT-brand burger emporium, home of the glamburger. We’ve proudly sold over a hundred thousand burgers across the Underground! What can I do for you, o’ customer?”

You blink hard at the little speech. Although there is clearly pitch and timbre in his tone, the words sound rehearsed and lifeless, as if it was a recording that had been replayed on a loop too many times to count. His vacant stare and stressed expression concerns you more than your quest for food.

“Are… are you okay?” you ask him gently.

“I’m sorry, (ha ha) it’s against company policy for me to talk to customers who haven’t bought anything.” The cashier tells you.

Your eyes scan the menu items. Everything is exorbitantly priced. Scooping out your money from your pocket, you count your change. Two fifty pieces and two ten pieces. Just enough for one burger off the menu.

“I’ll take one glamburger please.”

You place all the money you have on the counter. The cashier swipes it away and hands you a small cardboard box festooned with purple plastic rhinestones. You take the box and hold it close to your chest, and look at the cashier again.

“Thanksy! Eight gold pieces is your change! Here you are! ” He says with false, but practiced enthusiasm. “Have a FABU-FUL day!”

“You can keep it,” you tell him. There wasn’t much, if anything, that you could get in the ruins for only eight gold. You push the change back over to the cashier. He looks at it wide eyes, and then to you.

“This is for me?” he says dreamily. “A… a tip?”

“Yeah. I don’t think I’ll need it anymore.”

The employee gently cradles the coins in his paws; still staring at it, disbelieving it was real. Suddenly his whole being begins to shake.

“Hey, are you alright?” you ask.

“No one’s ever given me a tip before… This is… this is the nicest thing anybody’s done for me all year!” He says. Looking up, you see his eyes are glossy with tears and his nose is running.

You look around the room. There’s no one else in line, so you dare to strike up a conversation.

“Seriously, are you okay?” you ask him again. This time the cashier blinks at you, and a spark of panic and confusion ignites behind his eyes when he realizes you’re still there.

“What? Why do you keep trying to talk to me?” he says in a harsh whisper behind clenched teeth, desperate to maintain his smile. His whole body begins to simultaneously shiver and sweat. “Why are you being so nice? I’ll get in trouble if I get chummy with the customers! I’ll probably get in trouble just for accepting this tip! Mettaton will fire me! Is that your aim? Is that your goal? Is that what you want?!”

“I’m sorry. You just… look a little stressed out.”

“A little?” The cashier repeats sardonically. “Little buddy, this place is anxiety incarnate, and all those unlucky enough to get a job here are destined to spend the rest of their natural born lives attending to a grease trap and having patrons yelling in their face, demanding I make changes to our business practices that are out of my control, and blaming ME as the problem and not the corporate tycoons! So I think it’s fair to say, I am more than just a little stressed out here!”

“I’m sorry,” you apologize again because you’re not sure what else to do. “I just… I wish I could do something to help.”

“There is something you can do, little buddy,” the cat monster says. “Run. Run away before they get you too. You don’t want to end up like me. Just look at me; I’m getting on in years. Nineteen good ones behind me. Wasted! I don’t know how much time I got left, but I just know the heads up top are already hunting for a replacement for me when I inevitably bite the dust.”

“I’m sorry, uh,” On the right pocket of his shirt, a name tag sticker reading ‘Hello! My name is:’ proudly adorns his right breast. The original name seems to have been crossed out with sharpie, and has been replaced with the title “Burgerpants” in thick black letters instead.

“Sorry… Burgerpants?” you say. “That’s a… unique name.”

“Don’t patronize me, kid,” Burgerpants says hollowly. He slumps over, depressed. “You and I both know that no loving parent would ever name their child something so degrading. Burgerpants is just a cruel nickname I’ve been blessed with.”

“Wow, that’s mean. How’d you get a nickname like that?”

“Well,” Burgerpants chuckles, straightening up. His whiplashing mood swings are starting to make your head spin. He smiles, pulling out a cigarette and lighter, and takes a long drag. “That’s actually a pretty good story with a good lesson at the end, but it’s kind of long. You don’t want to hear it.”

You turn around and spy Alphys through the café windows, still waiting in the line for the elevator. “I’ve got time to kill,” you tell Burgerpants.

“In that case little buddy, I’ve got a bit of life advise for you…”

You chat with Burgerpants on a myriad of topics, from never dating attractive people, to his aspirations on being a method actor, even to Mettaton’s business practices.

“It’s strange,” you tell Burgerpants. “I’ve had a couple of run-ins with Mettaton now, and he never struck me as the kind of guy to run a fast food restaurant.”

“Yeah, well, I’ve been a minimum wage slave to him for months, and let me tell you, that robot will try his hand at anything to spread his image as far as he can. But! The good news is, little buddy, we just need to get one more human soul then I’ll be free from this actual cage of brimstone and hellfire. The only way to go is up! Literally!”

You chat a bit more, relieved to see the tension and stress slowly melt away from Burgerpants’ face, and only when you see an actual, genuine smile on his mouth do you consider your work done and decide to take your leave.

“Bye, Burgerpants! Take care!” you wave heading out the door.

“Take care, little buddy,” Burgerpants grins after you, taking another drag. “Come back anytime.”

Once you’re a good deal away from the little burger shop, you open the box to find a sandwich with a neon purple bun and vibrant purple patty. The whole thing sparkles like a geode from waterfall. Well. It certainly is pretty, you’ll say that. You dare to take a test bite, and force yourself to resist the urge to gag.

You have no idea what hamburgers are made of, but you are certain they’re not made out of plastic and paste. The patty is cold and bitter, with a thick consistency of congealed glue. You spit, spewing glitter, though half of it stays firmly coated on your tongue.

Sneering in disgust, you toss the burger in the trash, magically not hungry anymore, and return to Alphys' side. As far as you can tell, the line has moved a whole three inches since you left it.

“Oh! Y-you’re back!” Alphys perks up nervously upon your return.

“Did the line stop moving?” You ask in concern. “It hardly looks like you’ve moved at all.”

“W-w-well, that’s because I’ve got some terrible news,” Alphys says, her forehead running with sweat. “While y-you were gone an employee came by to say that the elevators have t-temporarily gone down for some unknown reason a-and they say it could take hours to fix.”

“Can you fix it?” You ask hopefully. “We’ve fixed the other elevators in Hotland.”

“I w-wish,” Alphys shakes her head. “B-but these elevators run on a different operating system out of my jurisdiction. I c-can’t interfere.”

“Well, there has to be another way, right?” You plead in desperation. You are so close to getting home, you can’t give up now, you flat out refuse to give up now. “A dumbwaiter? An emergency stair case? I’ll even climb a ladder if there is one!”

“I… I d-don’t…”

You gently take Alphys’ claws in your hands and look into her eyes. “Alphys, please tell me there’s another way. I’m so close to the king. I can’t turn back now.”

Alphys winces, but sighs in defeat.

“There is… one other elevator,” she admits. “I-it’s in the core and off limits to everyone except royal personnel, b-but I can get you to it…”

Hugging her tight, you whisper in her ear. “You’re a life saver, Alphys.”

Alphys flinches, but steps out of line and guides you to a non-descript door against one of the back walls. Thick red letters read “AUTHORISED MONSTERS ONLY” on smoky glass.

Alphys pulls out an identification card and swipes it through a reader on the side of the door. There’s a single beep! and a red light turns green. The handle clicks as it unlocks, Alphys opens the door, and you’re greeted with a vacant corridor and a strange, chilling breeze. Warm light from the hotel lobby spills in from behind, mixing with the cold blue light that waits for you up ahead.

“W-well. Nothing left but for us to tackle the Core now, huh?” Alphys says with a smile, though her voice sounds unenthusiastic.

You march forward, unafraid. Alphys dutifully follows you.

The hallway leads up to a single elevator that seems to be waiting for you, its door already open and beckoning you inside. The second you and the royal scientist board the lift the doors close behind you, trapping you in darkness. There’s a quick feeling of vertigo as the elevator starts to move on its own, and you feel yourself moving horizontally instead of vertically. The trip is so smooth, you can’t tell how fast you’re going, or even what direction after a while, but before the blackness that surrounds you begins to feel oppressive, the elevator comes to an air-cushioned stop and the doors part. The air around you smells so thick with ozone, that you can taste it on your tongue, and it crackles across your skin, making your arms tingle and hair stand on edge. The room smells sharp, like electricity.

All your senses are on high alert; all your nerves feel tense with energy. You shudder.

“You okay?” Alphys asks.

“Sorry. This room. It makes me feel… full of energy, but also on edge. Like something bad is about to happen.”

“Ah, th-that could be the effect of stray residual magic,” Alphys explains. “We’re right above the epicenter of the Core. Almost all of the m-magical energy the Underground uses is being processed right now beneath our feet. Th-this way. The last elevator to the capital is just through here…”

You follow Alphys through two imposing metal doors into a vacant room with a platform suspended over a pit in the middle. It’s uncomfortably dark in here, even more so than the elevator, and when you peer over the edge, you can’t see the bottom. You make your way forward, and only place one foot on the platform when you hear the doors slam behind you.

“W-what?” Alphys jumps, spinning around. “Why did that happen?”

There’s a loud ka-thunk, ka-thunk, ka-thunk! as six spot lights illuminate the platform, with one every familiar looking rectangle sitting in the middle.

“Well, well, well, darlings. I see you’ve finally made it to the Core.”

“M-M-Mettaton?!” Alphys stammers. “What’s the meaning of this!?”

“Yeah! I thought you said our previous encounter would be the last!” you add, that extra adrenaline in your veins making you itching to move.

“It was supposed to be, darling,” Mettaton explains. “But then the reviews come in and you know what they said?”

“They still didn’t do well?”

“On the contrary! They’re through the roof! They’re higher than they’ve ever been in my entire career!”

“But… but that’s a good thing?” Alphys points out. “If your shows are doing so well, why are you still trying to get in our way?”

“Yeah! You should be thanking us for improving your ratings! What’s your problem?” You shout.

“You’re right, darling. You are the one to thank. But!” Mettaton stretches up on his wheel, and extends one arm upward, his pointer finger high. With no words, he lets his arm fall forward in a half arc, until he’s pointing it right at you. “You’re also the problem.”

“That doesn’t make any sense! I participated in all your dumb shows! Against my will, even! Why are you blaming me?”

“It’s true! My shows are more popular than ever because of you! And when I asked my focus groups what their favorite parts were, the reports came back that YOU’RE popularity has far surpassed mine. (And that’s why you are to blame! No one’s popularity will out shine my own. I will be second rate to no one, and that is why I must now eliminate you!”

“D-d-don’t worry, we’ve beat him thrice before, can beat him one more time!” Alphys said, squaring up.

“Ah! Ah! Darling!” Mettaton says and snaps his fingers. “I’ve realized why all my other attempts at stopping you failed, and it’s because you had Alphys here to help you escape! But not anymore!” Without warning, lasers of blue magic shoot up from the floor around Alphys, trapping her in an inescapable cage. “Two against one isn’t’ fair! Besides, you’re not the one trying to out shine me!”

“Alphys!” you shout, and jump towards her cell.

“N-no! Don’t! I-if you touch the lasers, you’ll get zapped!” Alphys warns. “I’m fine! D-don’t worry about me! I won’t get hurt if I just stay still. B-but you’re gonna have to beat him on your own!”

“Well, darling! Looks like it’s time for your last curtain call! Prepare to be cancelled!” Mettaton raises his arms. His hands retract into his sleeves, and get replaced by circular saws that whine at a shrill, threatening pitch.

Without hesitation, the robot lunges forward towards you, and you barely have the reflexes to jump back in time. The spinning blades hit the ground with a shower of sparks as they slice two deep gouges into the floor. Oh god, this wasn’t some campy hoax for a tv show anymore, he really was trying to kill you this time!

“Mettaton! What are you doing?!” Alphys screams also recognizing the spike in the danger.

“There’s only room for one of us on the top of the chart, darling! Ta-ta!”

“A-Alphys! What do I do?” You desperately beg her, evading Mettaton for dear life.

“Uh! Uuuh!” Alphys panics, chewing her claws down to the beds. She suddenly straightens as if struck with an idea.“H-hey! Get behind him!” Alphys commands as you narrowly avoid another razor blade to the head. “There’s a switch on his back side! Get to it and flip it!”

Whirling blade in one hand, flame thrower for the other, you can’t afford to stay in once place for long. The flamethrower’s range forces you to keep moving while the circle saw doesn’t allow you to get close. Mettaton keeps their front to you at all times, giving you no opening to sneak around to his back side.

Taking a risk, you dash towards Alphys’ laser prison, the whirling blades hot on your heels. At the last moment, you feint to the left and run behind it, while Mettaton’s arm hits the cage at full force.

Detecting movement, the lasers react instantaneously, sending a paralyzing zap up the robot’s body, making him short circuit. You waste no time getting behind him where you find the alleged switch and forcefully slam it down.

For a moment, Mettaton freezes, then his screens go dark and his limbs flop to the ground as if they were made of limp pasta.

“Man, thank god that’s over,” you pant. “Now let’s see if we can get you out of that cage.”

“N-no! Don’t turn your back on him!” Alphys warns. “This isn’t over yet!”

“What do you mean? I turned him off, didn’t I?”

“Um, technically, no you didn’t.” Alphys says.

“Oh, foolish child,” A ghostly voice echoes in the still husk of the robot. “Do you think I could be defeated so easily?”

Terror creeping up your spine, you slowly turn back around and watch in petrified horror as Mettaton’s body rises up and begins to shake. His rivets rattle, steam hisses as it escapes between his plates, his screens flash white and red, and suddenly he’s transforming, his metal plates bending and folding back into itself like origami. His screens flip over as his top half widens and his wheel contracts only to be replaced with legs. His casing straightens, and on his black screen you see lines of white code scrolling past and you get the sinking feeling that the switch you just flipped is now executing a code you wish you hadn’t . The top of his chassis opens and from it sprouts a head. His arms brace himself on the floor, and then, with jerky movements, he stands up.

“That was just a warm up,” The newly transformed automaton says, tossing his head back and fixing you with a cold, robotic eye. “Now that you’ve flipped my switch, the real showdown will begin!”

“Alphys, what’s going on? I thought you said that switch turned him off!” the human hisses in her ear.

“I-In my defense, I never claimed it would do that!” Alphys says. “B-but this form of his is still a prototype! It’s a lot weaker than his other one, so you might have a chance at beating him!”

All around them, the air begins to thrum with a deep pulsing beat as if the bass had been amplified to the max, hijacking their heart and setting the tempo of their pulse. Spotlights flash in time with the beat, yellow, blue and green.

A fog machine sets the ambiance, carpeting the stage with a dramatic layer of mist. Over the sound of the music, Alphys hears an excited murmur of many voices, and as more spot lights come to life, it’s then she notices the grandstands bordering the arena, packed to the brim with spectators.

Cameramen sit on all corners of the stage to get every angle of the action, and the human cranes their head up and spot a giant flat screen broadcasting every one of their movements, a hundred times bigger than life for the audience to see.

“This is it, darling!” Mettaton says, running one hand through his newly formed synthetic hair and striking a dramatic pose. “The ultimate show to once and for all decide who deserves the title of the Underground’s top superstar!”

“I- I don’t want to fight for the title! You can just have it!” The human declares, though their voice shaky and uncertain.

“Fight? Heaven forbid!” Mettaton says. “That’s no way to settle an argument! We’re going to duke this out my way! With a charity dance off!”

“Charity… dance off?”

“Yes! A charity is for the promotion of underprivileged robots! Right now we are being broadcasted live across the Underground! Thousands are tuning in and are making pledges to the dancer they think is better! The first one to reach the goal of one hundred thousand gold in donations will be declared the victor! And the other shall be shunned from the lime light indefinitely! There’s only one rule in this competition!”

“What?” The human dares to ask.

“Dance… or DIE!”

“Y-you can do it!” Alphys urges. “I believe in you! Plus, you don’t really h-have any other choice!”

“I-I can’t!” The human argues. “I don’t know how to dance!”

“Th-that doesn’t matter! Mettaton’s not as energy efficient in this form! If you can just hold out long enough, his batteries will wear down enough for you to escape!”

“But what do I do?”

“A-anything! Copy him, do a twirl, strike a pose! J-just fake it long enough until he shuts down!”

The human looks unsure, but they nod, trusting her, then step up to the plate.

“Excellent, darling!” Mettaton says when he sees them ready to face him. As if on cue, the music begins to pick up in a snappish beat, reverberating in their bones. “Let the dance off begin!”

Confetti cannons explode to emphasize his point. Spotlights dance and the crowds roar.

Mettaton approaches the human, marching to the beat of the music. Behind him a screen lowers from the ceiling, and illuminates a bar graph with two columns. Under one is Mettaton’s face and under the other, the human’s in a cartoonishly drawn caricature. A line marking the 100k goal lights up near the top. He stops a ways off, tosses back his hair and blows a kiss to the camera.

The crowds roar and Mettaton’s bar stretches up just a bit.

The human’s head turns towards one of the giant TV screens zoomed in on Mettaton’s face, before the camera switches to them and they find they’re looking at their own clueless expression enhanced for the viewers.

Straightening up, the human does their best to copy the pose, but they lack the grace and confidence Mettaton has, and the attempt looks clumsy. Weak claps of encouragement are drawn from the stands. Their donation bar raises only one line of pixels out of pity donations.

Smirking in satisfaction, Mettaton does a sophisticated two step, bringing his arms into the mix. The human is desperately trying to keep up, when out of nowhere, the robot does a swinging high kick and nails them in the back, sending the kid flying across the stage where they land in a crumpled heap. His donation bar jumps to the 2k goal.

“Ow! I though you said f-fighting was beneath you!” the kid protests.

“Fighting? This isn’t fighting darling! It is the art of the dance, sweetheart! Keep pace or perish!”

Mettaton lunges at them, pointy boot aimed for their center. Abandoning all attempts at dancing, the kid springs forward like a frog to dodge out of the way. They turn their momentum into a summersault and skid into a freestyle stop.

The crowd goes wild at the maneuver, and their donation bar jumps to a thousand gold.

“Hey! They liked that!” Alphys shouts from the side lines. “K-keep doing more moves like that!”

The human nods once, short and sharp, and pushes themselves to their feet.

Sneering, Mettaton twirls toward them like a ballerina, and tries to strike them with a coordinated hand and foot.

The human responds with a chasse, casually sliding out of the way as the robot spins past.

The crowd gasps at such beautiful timing, and such expert evasion. Both donation bars rise, but they’re now neck and neck.

The human finishes their move by adding insult to injury by bowing as Mettaton misses.

The robot eyes the scoreboard with contempt, before forcing a murderous smile at their dance partner.

“Oh, finally figured out how this works? Very well, darling! Let’s see you dance past this!”

The robot busts out into flamenco, chasing the kid around the stage and trying to stomp on them like a bug. The human responds with an evasive tango, snapping their fingers for good measure when they strike a pose.

The crowd screams at the show, and the human’s donation bar pulls into the lead. Mettaton’s jaw dropped in disbelief. No… No! The little show stopper couldn’t best him! He had to be number one!

If Mettaton was holding back before, he certainly pulled out all the stops now, but the human was quick and light on their feet, and the longer they dance, the better the kid gets at predicting his moves and patterns, making it harder for him to hit them. And once they can comfortably evade him with ease, they start to break out every dance move they know. They did the bunny hop crossed with the Macarena and a square dance all at once. The audience howls and claps with laughter. Mettaton fumes when he sees them clutching their bellies and wiping away tears. Phone lines can be heard ringing off the hook as callers flood the lines with their incoming donations and pledges, and bets on the winner, twenty to one with the little scene stealer in favor.

Pushing on, Mettaton pushes all his circuits to the limit, dishing out as much fancy foot work as he can to every camera all at once, but the tiny show stopper just cartwheels around him, well out of his reach. Well then! If he couldn’t trip them up with his dance moves, then he could trip them up with words!

“Darling, allow me to let you in on a little secret!” He shouts over the booming music. “You remember all our encounters up until now? They were all STAGED! A collaboration between Dr. Alphys and I!”

The little show stealer shoots him a sarcastic look that says they think he’s lying through their teeth. And why should they believe him? As far as they’re aware, Alphys had been helping them this entire time.

“Why you may ask?” Mettaton filled in for them when he sees their unmoved glare. “Good question! Alphys was honest for the most part- I admit wanted to steal your face to pull in the views, but do you know why she went along with it? Because she wanted to STUDY you!”

“Mettaton! Please d-don’t!” Alphys shouts from her prison, and the little show stopper stumbles, picking up on her unease.

Together Mettaton and the human dance with increasing fervor, and despite being opposing forces, there is nothing but grace in their impromptu choreography as each side dodges and strikes all while sticking to the rhythm, yet the more Mettaton speaks, the more uncertain the human’s steps become.

They were listening to him, doubtful he was telling the truth, but unsure if he was lying either.

“Alphys used you like another one of her test subjects! Another one of her lab rats! Why? Because you’re-!”

A fire bell rings signaling the 50k mile stone had been reached, but it’s not Mettaton who has reached it first; it’s the little white dwarf who’s passed the mile marker, practically making steam whistle out his perfectly welded ears.

No longer in the mood for games, Mettaton took a swing to their front, and the kid bent themselves backward is if being assaulted by a limbo stick before prancing away out of range.

Doubling down on his efforts, Mettaton threw all his focus into his dance moves, but the little show stopper always seemed to stay two steps ahead of him. When he did the salsa, they did the samba, when he waltzed, they did the swing, when he tap-danced, they quickstepped, when he hustled, they shuffled, and the crowd couldn’t get enough of it.

Sometimes the human would get cocky, striking a taunting pose after each of his failed hit, but viewers who couldn’t stand impertinence tasted sweet justice the few times Mettaton did manage to land a blow. But nevertheless the human didn’t falter. For every knockback they took, they’d stand taller and dance harder, and the crowds went nuts at their passion.

The robot craned his neck toward the score board and his vision went red. Not once had the kid tried to throw their own punches at him, and the few times he had managed to land a hit, his pledges increased, but they were getting down to the wire now. With both of them less than five thousand gold away from their goal.

Mettaton felt his internal battery beep. An alert flashed across the back of his eyes in computer code. “Battery capacity at 50%. Please dock to recharge, or switch into power saving mode.”

“No! Not yet!” he though frantically, and selected the second option without giving it much thought. He had to win, dammit!

“Power saving mode initiated. Rerouting power from superior lateral appendages… Detaching extremities.”

Wait- detaching what???

“Wait! No, I changed my mind!” But the command was given too late. With a sharp pop and a puff of smoke, the robot’s arms fell from their sockets.

“Ah! M-my arms!”

The crowd gasps. Alphys covers her mouth in shock and even the human looks alarmed, worried and wondering if they accidentally hurt you without noticing.

Desperate to save face, Mettaton scoffs to play it off. “W-well! Uh… who needs arms to dance anyway? With legs like these, I’m still going to win!”

And to prove his point, Mettaton launches into an armless kazatsky. In his head, the alerts continued to buzz, warning him of his battery was critically low and that his system was in danger of overheating, but he pushed on, ignoring the cautions and landing in the splits to finish. Beside him the human also started to show signs of fatigue. Knowing they both couldn’t keep this up much longer, they straighten up to make their last stand.

“Mettaton!” the kid huffs, sweat running down their nose. “Ready for my final move?”

It’s a rhetorical question and he knows it, but before he even has a chance to insert something witty, the little show stopper twists their torso and throws themself into a spin. They twirl and they twirl, pulling in their arms tight, and then squatting down low before stretching out on their side with a wink and finger gun.

“Ha! Break dancing?” Mettaton scoffs. “That’s for street performers! Anyone can do it! Watch!”

Kicking off one foot, Mettaton spun and spun into a pirouette, picking up speed. Using his internal gears he pushed himself to keep spinning. His motor revved until it whined and on the outside he was nothing but a blur.

“Warning! Battery at 12%!” His internal computer voice cautions. “Initiation power saving mode phase two;”

“Phase two??”

“Rerouting power from inferior lateral appendages-”

“Wait, don’t!”

“-Detaching extremities.”

And with little warning to onlookers, Mettaton’s legs come flying off. The one he was balanced on spills out from beneath him while the other one gets launched towards the stage lights, leaving Mettaton to fall hard on his back, completely incapacitated, and forced to stare up at the heels of his opponent’s glorious finishing move. The metal projectile explodes into the lights like a missile, sending down a shower of sparks. The little scene stealer strikes one last triumphant pose against the background of fireworks and the audience completely loses it.

The show stopper’s donation bar hits the goal then just keeps going, steadily climbing to the 110, 120, and even 130k mark before slowing down as bouquets of flowers and rose petals rain down from the audience.

Despite not having lungs to breathe, Mettaton takes a breather, allowing the crowd to cheer themselves out while his internal fan cools down his processers.

“Well, darling,” he says on his microphone once the audience had quieted. “It looks like you’ve proven your worth. You really are deserving of the title of the Underground’s number one star. I guess my time has come then.”

“No, don’t say that,” the little white dwarf says. “Just ‘cause you lost doesn’t mean you have to give up being an entertainer, much less die.”

Mettaton eyes the human with a look of bemusement and gentle affection. This little human. This curiously, amazing little show stopper, breathless and battered still urging him to stick to his dream?

“My, darling you really are something else.” Mettaton sighs. “I have no plans to quit the life of Show Bizz, but… if I am being honest with myself… today you made me see just how amazing and surprisingly fun having a co-star could be. I’ve never had this much excitement or attention from my adoring fans in months! From here on out I might even consider expanding my casting call to include more monsters than just me to play all the parts. Thank you, darling, for bringing me down a peg and knocking some sense into me. And thank you all my beautiful, fabulous, glorious watchers! You’ve been an amazing audience!”

Through some remote control in his Wi-Fi, Mettaton cuts the power. The lights go out and the lasers from Alphys’ cage click off.

“Mettaton!” Alphys yells, rushing over to her invention’s side. “Mettaton! Speak to me!”

“Alphys, darling,” Mettaton says. “Sorry for being so mean to you all day. You and your little protégé here really didn’t deserve it.”

“Mettaton, shh. Please, save your battery.”

“Your little friend here… they really are something, aren’t they Alphys?”

“They sure are, Mettaton.”

“It’s such a shame,” the robot sighs. “That you’ll be going soon. After your display here today? I could never have dreamed of a better dance partner. I wish I could have gotten to know you better instead of just using you on each of my sets. What a wasted opportunity… but you know what they say, a white dwarf is destined to go super nova.”

“Oh, Mettaton,” Alphys sighs sadly. “That’s not a saying.”

“Shh, darling. You’re ruining the moment.”

“Alphys is he going to be okay?” the human asks.

“I’ll be fine darling, though you may want to get me to a docking station as promptly as you can. My battery has been crying at me the whole shoe to recharge, and I think it’s time I started listening to it. I might go into emergency shut down mode at any minute, and if I do, my RAM might get wiped. If that happens, I won’t remember anything that’s happened today, which won’t be ideal... I could go back to trying to destroy you.”

“GAH! That’s not good!” Alphys interjects. “There’s a lot of code on your prototype body I haven’t had the chance to back up yet! I-if you shut down now I could lose months of work!”

Alphys looks the human hesitantly. Her face isn’t expectant or pleading, but the human knows what question is on her mind.

“Do you need help carrying him back to the lab?” They ask for her.

“OhmygodifyouwouldbesokindIwouldloveyouforever!” She says without taking a breath or a pause, clasping her hands together and bowing her head. “I know we are literally feet away from the last elevator to the capital, but this is really really important to me, and I would be in your debt forever.”

“Alphys,” the human interrupts her by placing a hand on her shoulder, and says eight words that would have sounded utterly ridiculous out of context, had anyone walked in at that exact moment.

“You get the torso,” the kid smiles warmly. “I’ll get his limbs.”

[a-d-n-d-journal]

Game Session #13

Characters:

Mirri in the wind, tabaxi "cleric" (of Tempus); rapier, lute, robes

Rysiel "Riceboy", half-elf druid (Circle of the Moon); acid burns, simple clothing (vest w/bare chest) and leather armor, scimitar

Zastu, dragonborn rogue (Thief); white scales almost completely covered in a hooded cape and mask, leather armor, short bow and shortsword + dagger

Introducing...

Kix, ?race? rogue (Arcane Trickster); nice clothes, leather armor, rapier, shortbow

Saying goodbye to...

Teir, tiefling warlock;

Noteable NPCs...

Sydiri Haunlar, human (Chondathan) fighter; brunette, chain shirt, dagger, shortbow, wooden club

Darathra Shendrel, human; Lord protector of Triboar

Narth Tezrin and Alaestra Ulgar, humans; Own and run the Lion's Share trading store

Darz Helgar, human; Groundskeeper for the two large caravan camps in Triboar; squirrelly

Urgala Meltimer, human; ex-adventurer and owner of the Northshield House (inn); her late wife died during an adventure

Ghelryn Foehammer, dwarf; master armorsmith, claim to fame is fashioning armor for the kind and queen

Urlam Stockpool, human; owner of the Triboar Travellers, a caravan escort company; dresses very well and sports a bright red eye patch with the Zhentarim winged serpent

Valken Naspeer, half-elf; Urlam's friend and body guard; dresses almost as suave as Urlam, his posture suggests that he's very dangerous.

Nemyth, tiefling; owner and proprieter of the Triboar Arms tavern

I'm a little late writing this, but notes from Rysiel's player really helped! :D

The adventurers wake up at the Northshield house, in a small two-bed room they decided to share, despite having more than enough gold to get separate rooms. Sydiri paid for her own room. Teir's brain has been spinning all night regarding the issue with upsetting some members of the Lord's Alliance. He decides to buy a horse from one of the stables and travel back to Waterdeep--alone--in order to petition the nobles there for forgiveness on their behalf. (Reminder: Rysiel attacked dwarves loyal to queen Dagnabbet of Mithril hall, at Zephyros' tower without provocation) He tells the others his plan, but doesn't invite them along.

Without her employer, Zastu has a momentary crisis about what to do. Luckily, Rysiel suggests they pay back those snooty guys at the Everwyvern Inn for being so rude. (Sydiri stays behind at the inn to hang out with Urgala, the innkeeper) They decide to break into the wine cellar, but first they head over to the Lion's Share to get servant costumes. Once there, Narth tells them that they don't sell such things. The Everwyvern Inn is an upscale establishment that provides its workers with uniforms. Besides, the Lion's Share isn't that kind of store... But whyever would they want to dress like servants anyway? The three of them visit the Triboar Arms to find something for breakfast, and to talk to Nemyth (the tiefling owner) about the Everwyvern House. The party is mostly upfront about their goal-robbing his 'competitor'. Nemyth balks at the idea, but maintains his suave composure. The Everwyvern Inn has very different clientelle, plus they have rooms, while he does not. "I can't be seen with their wine! I would go out of business. What did you think I would say?" He subtly guides them out back for a more frank conversation. He doesn't like the people who own the place, but if anyone asked him about a robbery there... He would have to pretend like he knew nothing. And no, he's not going to help! Here's what I know, he says... Half the people there are actors, paid to make the place look busy and exclusive. Second, the owner, Draven is a mage, so be careful of any magic, though you probably could tell that just by looking at all the glowing lights and floating plants. Third, he hires thugs to keep the riffraff out (the party had a run-in with them as they were considered riffraff themselves). The party presses him for information, such as how to get into the cellar, but Nemyth frowns at them. He knows nothing. It's uncertain if he's telling the truth or not. They give him a big tip of 100 coppers (1 gold/10 silver) for their meal, and head off to the Triboar Traveller caravan escort service to ask the same questions.

They approach the man wearing a red eyepatch with the Zhentarim serpant emblazoned in black, Urlam. They seem surprised when the immaculately-dressed human (and his suave half-elf bodyguard, Valken) recognizes them. Rysiel asks Valken if he's up for some mischief but doesn't offer context. Valken says he's on the clock, so Rysiel asks "Later?" Valken asks if he's hitting on him, and Rysiel asks in Valken wants him to be. Then they become more upfront about what they're after: "Hey, we want to rob the Everwyvern Inn's wine cellar. Do you want any?" Urlam purses his lips and shares a glance with Valken. He gives them a shit-eating grin. "Their wine is quite good, but I can't be seen with contraband bottles. Wouldn't want to have Darathra on my back." They try to get some information out of them, but all they find out is that the two of them like to eat there occasionally, and are on good terms with the owner, Draven. (I check Urlam's alignment, and roll a d100 to determine whether or not he tips off Draven, with 51-100 being a yes... I roll a 91)

The three adventurers stake out the inn from the trees, for about 40 minutes. They're waiting for a servant to come out of the inn, but grow impatient. They joke that they turn to crime as soon as Teir leaves. Riceboy turns into a cat to go in through a window at the back of the inn and unlock the door for the other two. Rysiel easily finds his way downstairs, but he also finds burly guards in waiting for them in the cellar. They're talking openly about Draven being tipped off, and the dubiousness of the warning. He reports back and they decide to try to steal from the other fancy restaurant instead. Despite the fact that this restaurant wasn't the one that was so rude to them, now they just want some pretentious wine, and to cause some mischief. They move to the trees on the perimeter of the Pleasing Platter, and Rysiel changes into a cat again to scope out the place. it's very busy in the kitchen, as lunch is approaching, but Rysiel is stealthy enough to sneak in. He finds someone (Kix) drinking behind a makeshift wall of barrels, who is happy to see him and offers cat-Rysiel some wine. Rysiel lets out a confused maow and then darts off to report back to his companions.

Rysiel and Mirri start performing out front of the restaurant to distract the workers, so Zastu can sneak in through the kitchen. (Keep in mind that this is a fancy restaurant in the country, not a bar in downtown Waterdeep) Zastu goes around back to the open kitchen door, and tries to convince the cooks to go see the performers, but they're suspicious and uninterested. "Why would we care that our bosses hired musicians out front? That happens all the time, and besides, it's almost lunch." She then tells them she has to go to the cellar and talk to someone who went down there. Somehow she's convincing enough that they go with that. "New Girl" takes Zastu downstairs, but there's no one in sight. The girl notices that the barrels are stacked oddly, and the two of them discover that there's a youngish-looking person in nice clothes wasted and drinking wine. New Girl leaves to get her supervisor. Zastu immediately tries stuffing bottles into this rando's bag, but quickly discovers that the weight and clinking of the bottles is inhibiting. She only has a moment, so she empties the bag again and just grabs one bottle. She also grabs the rando's arm and hauls him out of the cellar. They run into New Girl and Supervisor on the stairs, and somehow Zastu bluffs her way past them.

They collect Mirri and Rysiel--who are playing out front for no audience--and they go to the nearby abandoned house, which has obviously been grafitti'd and carved up by the local teens. New person/Kix is already pretty drunk, so the other three split the sole bottle of nice wine that Zastu stole. I guess they chat or something?

Their short rest is interrupted by a boulder crashing loudly into the building in front of them--the splinters and shrapnel flying everywhere while people start screaming. More boulders fly overhead and more crashes are heard. The field before them dips down to another level, hiding the approaching enemies. Only two heads on two broad sets of shoulders are visible at first, then several large flightless birds with axe-shaped beaks appear from behind the ridge with orcs riding them! They enter the town quickly and start harassing and chasing down townsfolk. They don't seem to be trying to kill anyone, but they aren't pulling their strikes as they ride past either. Lagging behind the axebeak birds are two groups of six goblinoid-shaped creatures, with skin like molten lava, all glowing and sinister. Everything they touch catches on fire, and they like to touch a lot of things! Seconds later, three larger orcs march up wearing heavy platmail, and behind those three another orc on an axebeak, but this one has a single ominously glowing eye...

Roll for initiative! Some of the townsfolk get ready for battle... I hand out character sheets for Darathra the Lord Protector, Ghelryn the orc/giantslayer, Darz the ex-rogue, Narth the wannabe adventurer, and Urgala the retired adventurer. ((Riceboy takes Darathra, Zastu takes Darz, Mirri takes Urgala, and Kix takes Ghelryn; I take control of Narth and Sydiri)) Mirri casts Vicious Mockery at the enemies as they advance. One of the Orogs (large orcs in platemail) is hit with psychic damage and has disadvantage on its next attack. Narth dashes from his store to see what's going on, and to see if he can help. The magmin (goblin-looking things) have fun lighting trees and fences on fire. Darz follows Narth to see what's going on. Urgala leaves her inn and takes out her shortbow. She sticks two arrows in the closest magmin, killing it. Kix takes out his shortbow as well, and sticks another magmin with an arrow, then uses their bonus action to hide around the corner. Sydiri shoots her own shortbow, sticking an orc with an arrow. One of the orogs jumps the fence of the abandoned house's yard, and attacks Zastu. Fortuntely, it misses with both swipes of its axe. Darathra sees Narth and Darz, as well as the advancing enemies. She dashes toward them, but isn't fast enough to engage just yet. The orcs on axebeaks advance. -one goes towards Urgala and Sydiri at the inn -one leeps the fence to attack Zastu, but misses -others continue to harass the townsfolk -three see the dwarf, Ghelryn, and attack their mortal enemy, injuring him greatly The two fire giants move forward, stepping over the fence, seemingly approaching Zastu. Zastu, intimidated, backs up to where Mirri and Rysiel stand. Rysiel casts the Tidal Wave spell, and manages to knock an Orog and one of the Fire Giants to the ground. The second giant is hit, but stays standing. Oddly, that giant only checks on their partner before continuing past the adventurers. The one-eyed orc is Norgra! He sees his sworn foe: Sydiri, and rides toward her on his axebeak, casting Spiritual Weapon as he approaches. The spectral spear attacks Sydiri, but misses. The dwarf Ghelryn manages to escape the three orcs by falling back into his house and barring the door. He dashes through to the other side to get away. --end of round one--