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#like violently hate it if it werent for reason to fight i would simply not have the album
webginz · 6 months
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even though i HATE AND DESPISE that teen titans comic with jason (you know the one) i guessss i understand where he (the writer) is coming from? i feel like if a more competent writer wrote something with the same premise but went about it a different way, i would consider it a really important note in jasons story.
jason was violent at 17/18 yo. this is not out of character for him at all! the idea of him tracking down tim and attacking him would make a lot of sense (he did it briefly in hush and i think it was fine there) the (main) PROBLEM i have with it is the MOTIVES!!! im sure jason does have a problem with being ""replaced"" and im sure he also thinks tim isnt ""strong enough"" to be robin (more on this later..) BUT!! thats not jasons biggest issue with tim. its that tim is going to die and he doesnt want any more dead children. its that simple!
if jason attacked tim and was like "see how easy it is to defeat you? you could end up dead. i dont want any more kids dying wearing the same costume i was wearing when *I* died." this would be in character and make sense!!! i dont think jason is unable to do bad things or make mistakes and if he attacked tim for any reason its obviously evil. but that wouldve been in character and made sense.
and this is unrelated kinda but to go back to the "tim isnt strong enough" thing, god i hate how that was shown. tim being like "no i AM strong enough to be robin! ill keep getting up no matter what! ill keep going!!" is so fucking stupid. not only is it implying jason was just simply not a good robin and shouldve just gotten up and kept fighting!! (he was tortured, locked in a warehouse, and blown up. what was he meant to do? what would tim had done with multiple broken bones and a punctured lung?) but it also is tells the reader that tim is special and different and jason is just a jealous hater for no reason (lots of tims writing is like this...). it misses the whole point. the writers just take any opportunity to hate on jason and tell the reader tim is special and wont die because jason was stupid, and tim isnt. (even though if it were realistic at all, and didnt have biased writers, tim would be just as vulnerable as jason)
tldr: the teen titans issue with jason couldve been really good is the writers werent insanely baised against jason and actually understood his motives.
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ms-paint-hypmic · 3 years
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Hi! I absolutely love your content!! Can't wait for kill doc 5😁 Also I was wondering if you had the FP vs MTC tracks... If yes could you please share the link? Thank you so much!
oh god i haven't checked my ask box in ages!! So many asks stacked up in there 😭 anyways, i'm sure this has been sitting here for a while, so would yall still like me to drop them tracks? I listen to reason to fight like everyday, it's a good gym song imo 😳
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i-may-be-stupit · 4 years
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Idk the horney got me, so here we are HAHAHAHA 18+ and kinda a bit of crack at times, ENJOY!!!!! Oh! And this is reletively gender neutral, babes!!
Your name is (Y/N) (L/N). And you've always been known as a good kid. That is until your father was murdered by a hero. He did a lot of dirty work, sure, but he did it for his family to survive. And when a hero took him down, everyone cheered. They never though about his family. Nor his place in the world. They saw him as dirt. The same way you started seeing heros.
To you, heros didn't care about the villians and didn't care whether they died or lived. They were savage beasts who needed to be taken down. You became a villian. You would assassinate hero after hero with the simple tittle of "Marrow." And that's when you met the League.
They had the same ideals as you and could help make your dream a reality.
You joined the League, but you were still you. You were a seemingly innocent flower that blossomed in any form of villainous mayhem.
Your quirk was known as simply bone manipulation. You could manipulate your bones however you pleased and you could even shoot them out like needles. But, you were at higher risk for osteoporosis.
Its been 6 months since then and you've made yourself at home with the LOV. Twice and Toga were your closest friends now, but Shigaraki just hits different.
You'd go out and have fun with your two close friends, and to be honest, you're pretty sure that you three had pulled every prank possible on Dabi. Kurogiri was like a dad to you now. He gave lots of great advice and made sure that you kept up with your online college classes in between villian duties.
But shigaraki was a whole other story.
I mean, he was usually crule and hateful towards everyone, but the League was his soft spot. He treats members like family. He cherishes them. Even if he doesn't say it. He almost always have been putting them first.
And it made you kind of...attracted to him.
Yeah, he was dryer than the Saharan Desert, and had a diet of strictly microwavable ramen and redbull, but he was actually a good guy. You caught yourself staring at him a few times per day and your crush on him was appearant to you as well as all the other members.
So here you were, staring in awe at Tomura as he and Dabi played against eachother in Mortal Kombat. (They'd fight at least once a day, so Kurogiri made up the idea of fighting in Mortal combat instead whenever they got fed up with eachother) You blushed, seeing Shigaraki so serious. Ugh, there's just something about him...
Toga walked into the room and sat down in the loveseat next to you. She smirked before loudly announcing, "Gee, (Y/N)! It looks like your boyfriend, Tomura, is winning!" You started choking her.
No, deadass.
You fucking wrapped your hands around her neck and violently shook her head back and forth like Bart and Homer Simpson. Toga just laughed and moaned, causing you to feel too violated to keep choking her. You let go and as you did, Shigaraki stood up and started making fun of Dabi for being a "Bitch ass loser."
You blushed deeply, eyes lidded while gazing at the crusty boy. All you could see was Shigaraki, hearts around him as he did his breathtaking victory dance in slow motion. His gorgeous, dehydrated body swayed and jiggled happily as he jumped a few times, white specs gently fluttered from his head. His dandruff glistening in the florescent lights, as you sighed, absolutely smitten. Dabi rolled his eyes at his boss before looking at you. He then smirked. This cant be good.
Dabi chuckled. "Oh okay, Shiggy, you beat me fair and square." Shigaraki looked at him suspiciously. "It's okay though." He smirked, "Because I'm sure that (Y/N) can give me a little pick-me-up!"
The white haired boy glarred at Dabi then at you. Dabi slyly slipped over to you and Toga. He grabbed you be your wrist and pulled you up to stand. You were too flustered out of your mind to even do anything. He wrapped both of his hands around your waist. "Isn't that right, baby?"
You laughed awkwardly, "Dabi, not to be rude or anything, but you seem like a heavy man and I don't know if I could manage carrying all of your body weight if I were to pick you up, I mean my bones are kinda brittle as they are and-"
He brought his face to yours and kissed your neck softly. "We're gonna have some fun tonight, right?" You fucking hit him with a suplex, a small crack being heard from your hip. God damn it, your fucking brittle ass bones! Everyone burst out in laughter (aside from Kurogiri who was facepalming). Dabi sat on the floor rubbing his head in pain. "Fuck, (Y/N)! It was a joke!"
You folded your arms and frowned. "Well don't joke around with me like that!" Heat rose to your cheeks, "Especially in front of T-Tomura..." You looked at your boss to see him still too busy laughing at Dabi getting backflipped. You smiled shyly, holding your cheeks and wiggling like the love sick shit you are. He's so dreamy~ oh my, is he coughing up blood from laughing too hard?
You looked in disgust for a moment before sighing loudly. Ugh, it's so sexy when he coughs up blood! Shigaraki looked at his hand before licking the blood back into his mouth like a fucking heathen-
Sorry.
Your fucking heathen.
Later that night, everyone was out and about, leaving you and Shigaraki alone. He was drinking a glass of rum and coke as you doodled in a little notebook. You looked up to see him staring at you already. You both quickly looked away. It's been rough lately, dealing with your crush on him.
And Tomura was catching on.
Well, kinda.
He thinks he's really ugly and unworthy of love, so he thinks you just stare at him because you're still taken back at how hideous (he believes) he is. He's been wearing Father on his face more often and been getting more easily upset at you. But, he was also confused because he was starting to like your fragile self.
He's scared that he'll break you with one tap of the finger. That's just how fragile you seem. Shigaraki smiled softly, staring deeply into his glass.
(Y/N) seems so fragile, but they're a god damn hurricane.
Shigaraki swirled his cup around, deep in thought. How can they fight so well when they seem so brittle? It's strange. It's unexpected... It's interesting. Your boss' cheeks turned a tint of pink. (Y/N) can pull off a suplex on Dabi. Their back bent so far... I wonder what (Y/N) looks like arching it for me... He looked over at your figure. You were awkwardly dangling your feet off the couch, seeming to be lost in thought. Tomura sighed and took another whisk of his drink. They're way too cute for me...
There's been a lot of awkward times with you two alone. And you could both feel the tension. Shigaraki left to his room with a small sigh. He hates basically everything. But you? He might just love you.
You two hung out a lot actually. You'd play videogames together and have small movie nights for the two of you. You vividly remembered cuddling up beside him one winter night. It was snowing and you two chatted while sitting on the floor making Smores in the fireplace.
But it got harder and harder to be around eachother when you both started liking eachother. It got...awkward. And the night that Tomura asked you if you wanted to watch a horror movie with you and got a concerned face from you was the night his heart broke. You just didn't want to accidentally grab him at a jumpscare and have him laugh at you for being a pussy. But he thought that you just didnt trust him.
You sighed, thinking about that shitty night, and walked to Shigaraki's room. You had to tell him about your feelings. You knocked softly and was allowed to enter. Shigaraki was sitting in bed, wide awake, just sitting there, staring at the wall in front of him in thought.
You sat awkwardly on his bed in a tense silence for a good minute as the man just stared awkwardly at you through the hand on his face. Shigaraki sighed when he noticed you werent going to say anything, and he set Father down on his nightstand.
"(Y/N), I feel uncomfortable with you staring at me all the time." Heat rushed to your cheeks and you stared harder at the  ground. "I get that I'm ugly, but you should know how rude it is to stare-"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" You glarred at him, anger boiling up. "The fuck did you just call yourself?!"
He glarred right back at you. "I said I was ugly, did I stutter?"
Yeah. Youre choosing to ignore that attitude. "Tomura, you're not ugly."
He rolled his eyes. "There is literally no other reason for you to be staring at me that much, mutt."
You folded your arms with a frown. "I think you're handsome."
He laughed.
He laughed hard as hell.
For a good 3 minutes straight.
"Oh thats a good one, (Y/N)! You know, I'm actually enjoying you-"
"I'm serious!" You poked his chest hard while getting closer to his face, your eyebrows furrowed in annoyance. "I think you have pretty eyes!" You poked him again, "You have a pretty face!" You poked him one last time, "And you're an amazing leader!" Shigaraki went silent with a blush and so did you. You twittled your fingers together, looking away timidly. "I-uh... I think I l-like you, actually."
Tomura chuckled breathlessly with concern for your mental health, eyes darting around uncomfortably. "Are you being...serious...?"
"Mm-hm..."
"Oh....okay." He awkwardly looked away from you with a small blush. Hes never had anyone like him romantically. Actually, not a lot of people even like him generally. And it made it extra weird with you being so damn cute and funny to him. 
You layed down on his bed, anxiety rushing through you. It was weird to tell your boss that you liked him. I mean, its probably gonna be awkward between you two forever! Tomura layed down next to you. His hands overlapping eachother on his chest. You looked over to him with a small awkward smile. "So-uh... do you like me back...?"
Tomura frowned. "Are you fucking dumb??" You winced and he just rolled his eyes. "It would be impossible to not fall in love with you." A small chuckle left your lips as he softly started playing in your (h/t) hair.
You frowned. "Did I say you could touch my hair?"
He rolled his eyes before lifting you up to straddle him. Heat rushed to your cheeks. And you pushed his chest away as your (e/c) eyes darted away. "T-Tomura, what are y-you doing?" You were speechless and flustered. And it wasn't helping that his hands were laying on your waist (pinkies up of course).
Tomura chuckled with a mischevious look in his eyes. He slowly moved his hands up and down your sides. "Let me play with your hair...and as a reward..." He kissed you softly on your lips. "I'll make you feel things you've never felt before...." He licked your ear and you thanked the Lord for that because it just made his mouth a lil less crusty. "Deal?" His breath tickled your ears and your breathing turned into aroused, airy breaths.
"Deal..." Shigaraki smirked before kissing you roughly, his hand engulfed in your (h/t) hair, leaving his middle finger up of course. As his tongue darted around your mouth, he pulled your hair harder, causing a wince of pain from you. His lips left yours quickly.
"Am I being too rough?"
You smiled softly at him. He cares! "Oh, just a little."
Shigaraki grinned before pulling your hair even harder. "You'll get used to that." Your eyes widened in fear and pain as he threw you onto the bed roughly. He kissed you harder, and forced your thighs open with both of his hands, pinkies up.
He laughed with arousal, pressing his clothed member against you. You sighed as he grinded against your bottoms while tongue kissing you. His hands left your thighs and brought themselves to your body. He sucked, kissed, and bit all over your neck and his indexes and thumbs twirled and pulled at your nipples under your shirt.
"Ah-!" You moaned loudly as the man sucked at your soft spot. "T-Tomura!" A small gasp left your lips and his connected to your skin. Mumbled moans came from you, your hand over your mouth. Tomura glarred the second he heard a moan muffled. "H-Hey!" He had grabbed your hand from over your mouth and tightly gripped it with four fingers, pressing it against the headboard.
He grinned widely out of nowhere, "You really thought you could get away with hiding those beautiful sounds from me?" He sat up, unbuckling his jeans. His eyes went cold as he took off his pants and boxer briefs. "I'm gonna have to get some type of...hm, whats the word?" He looked away in though before smiling and snapping his fingers, "Compensation! Yeah...and I know just what I want from you." Shigaraki push you off of the bed roughly. You fell to the floor and rubbed your arm. He sat on the king-sized in front of you with his cock in his hand. "Suck."
You frowned at him. Did he really have to push you off like that? You got on your knees between his thighs and took a good look at it.
Fuck, he's hung...
You covered your mouth with a huge blush. Where the hell did that come from?! He was a good nine inches and quite thick. You frowned at him and pointed at his cock. "The fuck am I supposed to do with this?" He frowned.
Shigaraki didnt say another word. He just grabbed you by the hair and placed it against your lips. You frowned before licking the tip softly, making him laugh breathlessly. "Fuck..." You sucked on his tip and his hand tightened around your hair, pulling a bit. He looked down at you, smirking while absolutely flustered. "Ugh, your little mouth was made for my fat cock, wasn't it, (Y/N)?" He chuckled and pressed your head forward, forcing a bit more of him inside of you. Shigaraki panted as you bobbed your head back and forth on him. "Youre such a fucking slut..." His cheeks was tinted pink as he stared down at you. Tomura started bobbing your head back and forth on him. He laughed as you gagged on him. "What? Is it too big?" Your face went even hotter. How can he be so fucking conceited yet self conscious?! The white hair boy held your face and was practically thrusting into your mouth at this point. He threw his head back and groaned as cum filled your mouth. "Fuck, (Y/N), you're good at that." He watched you like prey as you thumbed the white substance dripping down your chin. You licked your thumb and he chuckled. "How does it taste?"
You smirked at him minscheviously while getting back on the bed. You took off your bottoms and short then spread your legs. "It tastes good enough to deserve a tip, right?" Shigaraki licked his lips as he crawled in between your thighs.
He rubbed you, playing with your slit. "Did sucking me off really get you this turned on?" You flushed and covered your eyes with your forearm. Tomura smirked mischievously as he licked at you. You moaned quietly, his tongue swirling around and his finger going in and out of your hole.
He stuck his ringerfinger in and you squeaked in pleasure. "Mmm... Tomura, I-just like that..." He sucked and licked, getting more sloppy as his fingers pumped in and out of you. He pumoed faster and faster and your small groans turned into loud moaning as you orgasmed. "Fuck Tomura! Ah-!" You came in his mouth, immediately apologizing. Shigaraki just licked his now soaked fingers and you just stared at him, blushing hard as hell. You smiled softly. "H-How do I taste?"
His red eyes prowled your body as he got on top of you. Your cheeks got hotter when he strattled you. You sighed as he rubbed his manhood against you. Small, flustered moans escaped your lips at his teasing. "You taste like you were missing something." His warm breath tickled your ear, "But I'll fix that right up for you."
Tomura slowly entered you. He groaned out your name in ecstasy. You were a bit uncomfortable at first at his thickness. "W-wait, dont move yet..." You breathed in and out slowly, feeling yourself adjust to him. A groan left your lips, "O-okay..."
Tomura grinded against you, kissing your neck as your hands fiddled with his hair. He started off slow, savoring the feeling of you. He sighed into your collarbone. "God, (Y/N), you're so tight..." He cursed underneath his breath, fucking you a bit faster.
Tears pricked at your eyes. This was almost too much for you. Youve always fantasized about being with Shigaraki and now that it was happening, it felt almost too good to be true. He grinded into you deeper, filling you up fully as his hand held both of tour wrists above your head. The bed rocked as he started thrusting into you faster and deeper. "T-Tomura, you feel so good inside of me!" He groaned louder and you couldn't help but become flustered at all of his noises.
He fucked you even faster and harder. "Fuck, youre mine now, okay?" You nodded and moaned louder at him. "Oh fuck!" His white hair bounced as he pulled out and flipped you over. You were on your forearms and knees, begging for him to keep fucking you good as he thrusted in and out, his hand pulling at your hair as the other gave the occasional spank on your ass. Tomura's thrusts became sloppy as you reached your peak. You both moaned loudly, his cum pouring from inside of you. Shigaraki pulled out and immediately collapsed next to you.
You panted as his arms wrapped themselves around you. You smiled at him. "That was good, right?" He chuckled and kissed your lips.
"The best."
You two spooned as Kurogiri had an extra glass of wine, in utter disgust at when he was forced to hear.
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zuffer-weird-girl · 5 years
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hey sorry to be a bother but, do you think you can write a scenario with kai's s/o going to pick up kaito and haru from school? since they're mafia kids I'm sure they aren't treated the best, even by parents. how do you think a hormonal and pregnant angel would deal with the rudeness of others towards her son and haru who's practically her mom. tbh I feel like haru would slip up and call her mom one of these days XD
I woke up in the mood of beating someone up so yeah sure :v
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Luckily Chisaki allowed you to get out of the house without a body guard for once this time.
Him and the eight precepts had some... business to take care of, so neither hin or even Kurono could get to that school and pick your deviant and Haru.
You didn't mind it though, so you simply put on some shoes, with certain difficulty due to your baby belly but whatever, and got out of the house.
You were starting to notice the judgmental or even pitiful stares already from other parents as you walked on that place... and you honestly weren't in a good mood.
Your first pregnancy were full of deadly kicks from your baby boi; but this one? You were a storm of emotions.
Seriously, just yesterday you cried in your husband shoulder because you saw Chrono killing a bug.
"They had a family Kai!" You whined while he let out a irritated sigh and patted your head.
"They didn't. Those things arent like us. Im sure of it." He answered coldly and winced a bit when you let out another sob and almost crushed his chest.
Yeah... you werent exactly the most instable person on your first few months... at least it was getting a bit controlled when the time passes and after the medication, based on plants dont worry, that Chisaki had created.
Thank heavens for giving your husband to you because dear lord not even you were atturing yourself anymore.
"Mommy!" "Mrs Chisaki!"
Both kids voices broke you out of your thoughts as you smiled down at them.
"Hey you two!" You cooed, patting Kaito's head while he went for a hug while greeting Haru with a sweet smile "Ready to go?"
"Yep. This place stinks." Kaito answered numbly while taking your hand while Haru walked real close to your side.
You were just getting out of the gate before your ears catched something that left your blood boiling in absolutely anger and hate.
"Those two are the yakusa thugs?"
"Yeah, better keep a eye on those little shits. The boy is even the child of the leader himself."
"Overhaul? Tsk. Rascal hhas the features. I figure it, while the little bitch is from his commurate or something."
"Is incredible how the school allows those things to frequent!"
Your eye twitched violently as you clenched your jaw. Your son made a confused noise when you suddenly stopped and looked up at you with stoic eyes yet qorry evidently on his voice.
"You're okay mommy?"
"Is something wrong Mrs Chisaki?" Haru tugged at your shirt with a frow, before you shook your head a bit to pur on a smile.
You lushed the kida in your front and made them get up on a bench tk talk with them eye to eye.
"Kiddos. No matter what happens, do not ever imitate my actions. Got it?" You kissed your son's forehead and patted Haru's hair, careful with the arrows, and told them to wait in there a bit since those people weren't much away.
"Mom?" Kaito mumbled a bit aprehensive for being left all of the sudden.
You walked, still a forced smile on your face, before poking one of the woman's shoulder delicately.
"Excuse me?" You said gently, making the woman turn her head a bit.
Perfect.
You punched her hard on the face, making her fell on the ground merciless.
"WHAT THE-?!"
"One nore word spilling from ANY of you that I am giving you all a reason to fear THE YAKUSA." You said with emphasis while the other two woman helped their friend to get up.
"What the hell is wrong with you?!" She shouted while the other comforted her friend's tears.
"Me?" You muttered coldly, your eyes piercing at each one of them "I am one who is wrong? I don't remember EVER speaking bad about your sons or their friends..." you lowered your tone of voice.
Many years marriage with chisaki kai teached you the tricks for making someone scared to death.
"Next time, think about who exactly you're talking about. Seriously, how many years do you have to be speaking like that about two childs? This is just stupid." You turned your back, sending them one side glare "If I hear about any of you speaking about ANYTHING about my son or his friend... Im going to break your bones in half and then tell my husband to finish ths service." The womans quivered in fear while getting up "Are. We. Clear?"
Two of them nodded, but the woman you had pinched tried to attack you before you turned your front to her with a finger arched up, shaking him from side to side.
"Ah ah ah~" you said almost sadisticly "You wouldn't want to hurt a lregnant woman and got into the justice would you? And besides, speaking bad about toddlers isn't exactly... sociable accepted."
The woman stared at you for a few seconds before getting pushed by their friends away from you.
"Take that!" You flinched a bit at the two voices coming from your leg to notice Kairo smirking devilish qhile Haru poked her tongue out at them.
Oh boi...
Bonus:
"You got into a fight?!" Your husband almost shouted while he jumped from his coach and cupped his face while with his other hand subsconciously went to your stomach.
"Not exactly a fig-"
"Mommy punched a miss's face becaus eshe was speaking bad about me and Haru!" Kaito exclaimed woth shinning (E/c) eyes "It was so cool!"
"That huh?" Chisaki mumbled, morw relieved then before while pinching your cheek painfully "Dont ever force yourself like that woman, you're pregnant for God's sake." He growled as he pinched and pushed even more your cheeks.
"Come ooooonnn!!!" You whined, immediatly rubbing your sore cheeks when he let go with a scoff.
Your husband tsked while crossing his arms.
"Kaito go take a shower, you're filth." Kaito went to protest before Chisaki just gave him a look, making the kid grumble before he obbeyed anyway.
The moment the kid left, Kai took a black handkerchief from his pocket before yanking your wrist with his gloved hand and rubbing in your palm.
"I swear to fucking god you could get hurt." He muttered in anger while you let out a sigh.
"Thanks for worrying about me Kai. I love you too." You said in mockness, but also not lying.
The man only scoffed and continued on his cleaning, bit he couldn't hide it from you the way the point of his cheek were a bit pink.
Adorable.
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ghostsray · 4 years
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kin assigned fenton pt. 2
(i hope those of you who read my fenton-phantom au fic wanted more because it’s gonna be a multichapter fic now :) this is supposed to be based on @darks-ink‘s phic phight prompt, but while i was writing it i forgot what the original prompt was, so i forgot that they werent supposed to gain each other’s memories...oops. i hope that’s fine)
(ao3)
summary: phantom makes some friends :)
.
After day 10 of being stuck inside someone else's body, Phantom finally got used to waking up in the human world.
He opened his eyes to be greeted by the now-familiar star-shaped stickers stuck on the roof. He was starting to hate those plastic stars. While he at first appreciated how neatly Danny had placed them in the shapes of constellations, now they only served to remind him that he was still living Danny's life while the real guy's ghost was in who-knows-where.
Phantom sat up in bed and squinted as the rays of sunlight hit his eyes through the window. He had learned in science class that the sun was a star, and Phantom hated it as much as he hated the fake stars on the ceiling. He missed the blissful darkness of the Ghost Zone. Everything was so dang bright in the human world.
Phantom threw back his (really Danny's) covers and got up. After a week and a half of living as a human, he had settled into a morning routine. Get out of bed, ignoring the terrible pull of gravity on your stolen human body. Go to the bathroom, pointedly refusing to look at the mirror to see Danny's face. Do your business without feeling too weird about your nut not being yours, wash your hands and brush your teeth, go back to Danny's room and change clothes. Stop and gaze at the photograph sitting on Danny's desk which you never moved since you found it, showing Danny and his friends, and wonder where Danny's ghost was.
It's been a week and a half since Danny disappeared after their fight with the toilet ghost. The toilet ghost had unsurprisingly reformed in his haunt in the Casper High restroom, which Phantom knew after one startling bathroom break, but he seemed content just to chill without causing trouble. Danny never reappeared. Phantom honestly felt annoyed at Danny for leaving him to handle his life on his own, which felt very awkward when he knew next to nothing about it.
Or maybe not. Phantom hissed and pressed a hand against his temples as an image assaulted his brain. The smell of the wilderness, a dog's fur under his hands, firewood burning while he and the other Fentons sat with their Aunt Alicia around the firelight, the stars shining above them. Phantom pinched his arm and twisted it, and the image disappeared.
He knew a thing or two about human anatomy, and he knew that he currently had Danny's brain--including his memories. The longer he spent in this body, the more memories he gained access to. How much longer until he remembered all of Danny's life? And if he gained Danny's earthly memories, will he lose his own memories of the Ghost Zone? Will he even be able to tell himself apart from Danny?
Phantom tried not to think about it too much.
He went downstairs to the kitchen. Danny's parents (Maddie and Jack, he had learned were their names) were, as usual, tinkering with some anti-ghost weaponry at the table. Phantom focused on anything but those weapons and tried not to feel too threatened by them. They didn't even work on him, not while he was in their son's body.
There had been a few small ghosts that came through the portal since it had opened, but they never lasted long before either Fenton captured them. Phantom didn't know what they did to the ghosts, and he was too scared to peek into the lab to find out. All he knew was that he sometimes imagined hearing echoing screams rise from the basement. He was just glad none of the ghosts had been someone he knew so far.
Jazz didn't seem bothered by the weapons. She was eating her breakfast while simultaneously reading a book about psychology. At first, Phantom had assumed she studied psychology because she still thought he was crazy for believing himself to be an ex-ghost, but he quickly realized that she simply liked learning about the subject.
He sat down, ignoring the tremors that came from being too close to the ghost hunters, and didn't speak as he ate his breakfast--eggs and bacon, which wasn't as sweet as cereal, but not bad. Apparently, Maddie and/or Jack often accidentally got some ectoplasm from their research onto the food they cooked, which gave it the tangy aftertaste of ecto-plasm. That only made Phantom feel more nostalgic for his old afterlife.
Jazz looked up from her book to check the clock in the kitchen, scraped off the remainder of her meal, and stood up. "Ready for school, Danny?" she said.
Phantom tensed his jaw. "Yeah," he said and stood up with Danny's backpack. He tried not to show any discomfort at being called Danny. After all, he had given up trying to convince the Fentons of his true identity after that first day.
Just like the previous ten days, Jazz drove him to school. He watched the scenery that passed by through the window. He used to find it captivating, how different the landscape was from the Zone and how many humans and animals were alive in this world. Now, he just wished once more that he could return home already.
The now-familiar building of Casper High appeared in front of them, and they exited the car after Jazz parked. Phantom let his stolen body go on autopilot as it moved toward class. Honestly, he used to think the Ghost Zone was boring, but the human world was even more mundane. He just went to the same classrooms every day to learn something about the same old subjects.
As he passed by a hallway, he caught a glimpse of a black-clad girl with a black ponytail. He felt his body tense up as he met Sam's violently violet eyes for a brief second. Then they turned away from each other and moved on.
It was awkward, being anywhere near Danny's old friends. Sam and Tucker were the only other humans who really knew about Phantom, and it didn't make things any easier between them. Imagine your best friend was dead and some stranger took his place, which nobody knew about but you...
They didn't talk much.
"Okay, that's it," some girl said next to him. "What is going on between you and your friends?"
Phantom blinked and turned around to look at her. She had blonde hair with a flower pin holding it away from her face, and she was crossing her arms and looking directly at him. It took him a few slow moments before he asked, "Are you talking to me?"
The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Yes, I'm talking to you, Fenton. You, Manson, and Foley used to be inseparable. Now, it almost seems like you guys are avoiding each other. So what's up?"
Phantom winced and fidgeted with the hem of his shirt. How could he possibly describe that the reason they weren't friends anymore was because he was someone else? After failing to come up with a decent explanation, he decided to use the good ol' method popular among ghosts and growled, "None of your business."
The girl blinked, then smirked. "Wow, Danny. You're a lot tougher than I remember."
Phantom clenched his jaw and turned away. Even with him gaining Danny's memories, it was getting harder each day to pretend to be him. He really wished Danny would come back already, if only to give him some pointers on how to live his life.
He barely made it past a row of lockers before a fist suddenly slammed against a locker right in front of him. Phantom jumped back and looked up into the angry blue eyes of one Dash Baxter. He slumped. "Oh. You again."
Dash gritted his teeth and growled, "I've been holding it together for a week, but I really need to take out my anger on someone."
"What is it this time?" Phantom said noncommittally. "A failed test?"
"It's the fucking locker," Dash said, his breath burning in Phantom's face.
"A...locker?"
Dash grabbed Phantom by his shirt and raised him, his blue eyes glaring holes into him. "The fucking locker! Ever since a row of 'em was mysteriously dented, I had to get a new one near the band room. Which, sure, no biggie, right? But god, every Wednesday there's band practice, and those geeks have to come near me with their stupid spittle and annoying loud instruments. And guess what day it is today?"
"Wednesday?" Phantom guessed.
"Fucking Wednesday!" Dash slammed Phantom against the wall of lockers, which made his head vibrate with pain. At least Phantom knew why Sidney hated bullies so much. They really, really sucked.
Dash was about to give Phantom another painful attack, but just then the bell rang, and everyone filed to class. Dash gave Phantom one more shove before letting go and sneering. "Saved by the bell, but not for long. Get ready for a beating later."
Phantom had a sarcastic comment in mind, but he knew from experience that angering someone stronger than you was never a good idea. So he just glared at Dash's back while Dash stalked away. As he did, Phantom thought he saw what looked like a wisp of smoke following after the jock...but when he blinked, it disappeared.
.
Phantom scratched his head as he glared at the math worksheet on the desk in front of him. Of all the subjects, geometry was the worst. He never thought that it was important for him to know (maybe because shapes continually shifted in the Ghost Zone), so he never bothered learning it. Apparently, Danny's memories didn't do him much good, either.
Tucker sat next to him. When Danny was still around, that seating arrangement was probably awesome--two best friends sitting right next to each other. Now, it was just awkward. He and Tucker did their best to pretend that the other didn't exist...which was why he was surprised when Tucker leaned in and whispered, "Want some help?"
Phantom looked up at him in surprise. He was watching him from behind those thick glasses of his. The human fidgeted and added, "Don't get me wrong, I still think your whole...situation is weird. But no one deserves to be tortured by school material."
Phantom pursed his lips and looked back to his paper. Of the two of Danny's friends, Tucker had always been the more open. Sam, on the other hand...maybe she already wore black daily before Phantom entered the picture, but he couldn't look at her and not think that it looked like funeral attire, worn for the death of her real friend.
"Sam hates me," Phantom whispered.
"She doesn't hate you," Tucker responded. "She just misses Danny. So do I."
Phantom gazed at the printed numbers sadly. "I don't know where he is. The last I saw or heard from him was on the same day you guys last did."
He didn't need to look at Tucker to know that his words disappointed him. There was a tense silence between them for a moment, then Tucker broke it by saying, "You need to find the cosine."
"Huh?"
Tucker tapped his paper and said, "The first question. You need to find the cosine of the triangle to know the missing angle."
"Oh," Phantom said, feeling stupid.
Tucker spent the rest of the period whispering methods to help him solve their geometry problems when the teacher wasn't listening. Phantom kept sneaking glances at the boy. Tucker's eyes were glued to the schoolwork, refusing to look at Phantom, probably to make it easier to pretend that he wasn't inside his best friend's body. Phantom didn't mind. It was more than enough for him that Tucker even considered talking to him.
Class ended, and Phantom and Tucker gathered their things and stood. Phantom waited for Tucker to leave, but he stayed around while everyone else filed out the classroom. Phantom fidgeted.
"Thank you," he said, figuring that was what the human was waiting for him to say. "For, you know. Helping me out."
Tucker pushed his glasses up and scratched his neck. "I figured it wasn't fair for me to judge you for...being you." As in, not being Danny. "From what I gathered, you didn't ask to be in your situation, either."
"Ancients, no," Phantom confirmed. "I hate being alive."
Tucker raised an eyebrow. "I thought ghosts generally want to be alive again."
"Why'd you think that?"
Tucker shrugged. "It's what's always shown in horror movies."
Phantom didn't know what sorts of ghost myths were broadcasted in human-made movies. He almost opened his mouth to argue, but he hesitated.
Did he hate being alive? He hated being thrust here from the Ghost Zone against his will, and he hated having to live someone else's life. But not everything in the human world sucked. It was definitely more peaceful than the Zone.
"I think I just hate being alive as someone I'm not," Phantom said.
Tucker softened. Phantom wished he didn't. Ghosts rarely showed sympathy to each other, and the way Tucker looked at him was closer to pity. Phantom averted his eyes and busied himself with Danny's school supplies.
"Well," Tucker said, "I can't imagine what you're going through, but it sounds like a lot. I know you're not Danny...but that doesn't mean we can't be friends."
Phantom looked up in surprise and found Tucker smiling at him timidly. He hadn't thought about how lonely he had gotten since getting stuck inside Danny's body. He missed his friends from the Ghost Zone, and Tucker missed Danny. Maybe befriending each other could fill a hole in both their hearts.
Then he saw the doorway behind Tucker and faltered. There stood a girl with a black ponytail wearing black clothes, like funeral attire, and staring between the two with a look bordering on betrayal.
Tucker followed his gaze and froze at the sight of her. "Sam!" he called out, but Sam had turned away and was walking rapidly down the hallway. He glanced back at Phantom, but Phantom had shifted his focus back to Danny's schoolthings. Tucker hesitated for one second before dashing out the classroom after Sam.
Phantom tried not to feel hurt. He knew Sam felt guilty for inadvertently causing the whole switch between him and Danny. He just wished she didn't act like it was his fault. He looked around the classroom and found himself alone...aside from one other student.
As soon as Phantom caught him staring, the redheaded boy quickly looked away and pretended to pack away his things. All he succeeded in doing was drop his pencil, and he cursed and dropped on his knees to pick it up from where it had rolled away on the floor.
Phantom recognized the boy. He was the only other human besides Tucker and Sam who knew about him because he was there during Danny's ghost fight. Wesley, he'd heard the teacher call him. This was not the first time Phantom found Wesley watching him, yet the human never approached him or said anything. It was unnerving.
Phantom walked toward Wesley just in time for the boy to stand up and come face to face with Phantom. Wesley squeaked and jumped back, dropping his pencil again.
"I'm not going to hurt anyone," Phantom said.
Wesley leaned awkwardly against the desk behind him, trying and failing to look casual. "Why? Were you planning to?" he replied.
"No, so you don't have to be scared of me."
"I'm not scared," Wesley said, his voice a little too high. Phantom was unimpressed.
"I'm a ghost."
"You mean Danny is a ghost."
Phantom bit his lip. Right, he wasn't a ghost anymore. One would think he would get used to that idea after spending a week as a human.
He looked at the floor, where the dropped pencil sat. He bent down, picked it up, and offered it to Wesley. Wesley stiffened before warily accepting it from him. Yeah, he was definitely still scared of him.
Phantom held back a sigh and left the classroom, not looking back at Wesley. He wished he had one of his ghost friends to talk to. He turned his head to the side and inwardly groaned when he saw a familiar stocky figure approach...Dash.
Luckily for him, he was not the closest nerd in Dash's path. An unfortunate, scrawny boy with glasses backed away as Dash came near. Dash grabbed him by the arm before he could run, and Phantom winced in expectation of the beating Dash was about to deliver to the poor human.
The beating never came.
"Mikey!" Dash greeted in a--was that a friendly tone? "What are you so scared for? I just wanted to thank you for your help on our chemistry homework."
Phantom could tell from Mikey's befuddled expression that he wasn't the only one who found Dash's behavior odd. "Um...you're welcome?"
Dash grinned and patted Mikey's head. "Anyone ever tell you you're a great guy?"
Mikey was growing outright terrified of Dash's out-of-character action. "Did you hit your head? Aren't you going to stuff me inside a locker? Look, here's an empty locker right here!"
There was a violent twitch in the jock's face at the mention of locker-stuffing, but it quickly reverted to a grin as he said, "Of course not! I've realized my mistake. No more bullying from me."
Mikey still seemed wary, but he started to relax. "Really?"
Dash laughed heartily and slapped Mikey's back, causing the small nerd to stumble. "Oh, just go already. Wouldn't want to miss your next class, would you?"
Mikey sent one last confused look at Dash before fast-walking down the hallway. Everyone who was standing around and heard Dash's conversation was also staring in confusion, but Dash gave them all a bright smile before continuing on his way with an oddly cheery step. As he passed by Phantom, Phantom managed to catch a glimpse of his eyes.
His irises were gray.
Phantom thought that there was something familiar about the way he spoke, and the eyes only confirmed it.
He wondered if desiree had been reading his thoughts...because it looked like his wish just got granted.
.
Down a hallway, a student was taking out his anger on a vending machine. "Come on," he grumbled, kicking it. "I just want one soda!"
A shadow descended upon him, and he turned around frightfully to be faced with the infamous star quarterback. "D-Dash!" he greeted with wide eyes. Like everyone else in school, he knew Dash's short temper and his tendency to take it out with violence.
But Dash didn't seem angry in that moment. In fact, he was smiling, the expression strange on his usually sour face. "Hey, there, pal. Let me get that for you," he said and walked forward to the vending machine.
To anyone else watching, Dash used some subtle trick to get the machine to spew out a can. But to Phantom, who stood a distance away watching him inconspicuously, it was apparent that "Dash"'s trick was of a ghostly nature.
'Dash' held up the soda can and offered it to the student generously. "Here ya go! One free egg cream."
The teen raised an eyebrow at him. "Uh, you okay, Dash? You're acting...weird."
"I'm acting nice," 'Dash' said, still wearing his warm smile. "No longer do you have to fear me as a bully, because I've put that life way behind."
"Wow, really?" he replied and accepted the soft drink tentatively.
"Of course!" 'Dash' spread out his arms eagerly and said to all the students milling around, "In fact, why bother with one drink? Free egg creams for everyone!"
He stuck his hand into the vending machine again and caused several cans to flow out. The move was so obviously ghost-powered, it amazed Phantom how inattentive humans were. All of them were too busy grabbing a soda cheerfully.
"I have no idea what an egg cream is, but thanks, Dash!" one jock said.
"No problem-o," 'Dash' replied with a grin and a wink, then lifted a can to his mouth for a sip.
Phantom decided that enough was enough. He had watched this ghost parade around in Dash's body for several periods, never approaching him because he had no idea what to say--Should he tell him about his situation? Would he even believe him? It didn't matter. If he didn't make a move now, the school day would be over, and the ghost might still stay inside the bully's body.
He made his way through the crowd gathered around the vending machine and walked up to the person wearing Dash's face. Once he got close enough, he whispered, "They don't have drinks like these in the Ghost Zone, do they?"
'Dash' choked on his soda. He hacked and thumped on his chest to expel the soft drink from his lungs. "Stupid human body," Phantom heard him mutter. Then he looked down at Phantom with a scowl that almost made him look like the regular Dash again. "Who are you?"
Phantom eyed the humans around them. They weren't paying any attention to them, but still... "Maybe we should talk somewhere more private," he said in a low voice.
The ghost in Dash's body grabbed him by the arm, then pulled both of them through a wall. Phantom stumbled as he let go. "Really? Using ghost powers in plain sight?"
The ghost waved Dash's hand carelessly. "Please. Even if anyone did see us, most humans don't even believe in ghosts."
"So it is you," Phantom said, "Sidney."
Sidney, because that indeed was him, narrowed Dash's eyes at him. "How do you know me? You can't be a ghost because I don't sense anyone overshadowing you."
"I am a ghost...or, I used to be." Phantom ran a hand through his hair. "Ugh, this is weird to explain, and I don't even know if you'll believe me, but...it's me. Phantom."
"Phantom? What makes you think I believe you?" He was watching him intently, no doubt wondering how a human could know not only his name but also his missing friend's name.
"Remember when you found out I was going to vandalize someone's lair and went after my ass for that because apparently that's bullying, but when you found out it was Aragon, you changed your mind and joined in with me? You specifically wrote "Aragon is a Mickey Mouse" in grafitti before we had to run away when his guards found us."
The gray eyes widened, and Sidney breathed, "Holy Ancients--Phantom?"
The next thing Phantom knew, he was being crushed in Dash's burly arms. Sidney had never been a physically strong ghost, but he sure as hell was possessing a physically strong human body.
"I can't believe it! Where have you been these past few days? No one's heard from you--I thought for sure you were toast!"
Phantom struggled in his bone-crushing embrace. "Human body," he wheezed. "Have to breathe."
Sidney sheepishly let go, and Phantom was able to take in gulps of air.
"But I don't get it," Sidney said, frowning. "How come I didn't sense you in there?"
Phantom bit his lip. "That's the part that's hard to explain. Somehow, I don't have any of my ectoplasm anymore, but I'm, well...stuck? I'm stuck inside this human body because, I guess...his soul sort of...left the same time my soul went in?"
Sidney tilted Dash's head and frowned. "What are you saying?"
Phantom sighed. "I'm saying I'm alive because I accidentally stole a human's body."
"That's..." Sidney threw Dash's arms out with wide eyes and exclaimed, "That's amazing!"
Phantom frowned. "No, it's not! I can't leave!"
"But, Phantom, you're alive! Do you have any idea what I would do to get a chance at being alive again?"
"But I'm living someone else's life!" He bunched the fabric of his shirt in a sweaty fist and said, "It's wrong. And confusing."
Sidney's enthusiasm died down a bit, and he said, "Right. The human world must be strange for someone who doesn't remember his human life."
Phantom raised an eyebrow. "I'm a Zone-born ghost. I didn't have a human life."
"Right," Sidney said again, his eyes darting to the side. Phantom frowned. He was pretty sure that he formed in the Ghost Zone, but the way Sidney acted was almost as if he was hiding something.
Before he could ask anything, Sidney said, "I don't get it, though. How did this happen?"
Phantom decided to file away Sidney's odd behavior to think about at a later time. For now, he answered, "I think it had to do with the portal opening in the exact spot I was in."
"Wait, portal? What portal?"
He could tell from Sidney's (or rather Dash's) surprised expression that this was his first time hearing about the portal, and that confused Phantom. "How did you get here?" Phantom asked.
"Haunted relic," Sidney responded, puffing out Dash's chest. "I left behind a mirror in my lifetime that is apparently still around in this school. I just needed someone to touch it so I can overshadow them." His eyes sparkled, and he added eagerly, "But you're saying someone created a portal? Does that mean I can visit this world in person?"
"No!" Phantom exclaimed. Sidney stared at him. He quickly gulped and said, "I mean...it's being guarded by ghost hunters."
"Ghost hunters?" Sidney laughed. "Come on, those are always fake."
"These ones aren't," Phantom murmured. He absentmindedly rubbed his chest, where the Fenton couple had tried shooting him--only for all of them to discover that their weaponry didn't work on him while he was in Danny's body.
"Then I'll just pass through at night," Sidney replied. "Even ghost hunter humans have to sleep, right?"
That made sense, but Phantom still felt uneasy. Admittedly, it was a little hard to feel calm when the organ inside his chest (his heart) was beating more aggressively than usual. "I don't know. I still think it's a bad idea."
Sidney's gray eyes narrowed at him. "Why don't you want me to come?" He jabbed an accusing finger at Phantom and said, "You decided to make this place your haunt, didn't you?"
"What?" Phantom's eyes widened. "No! You know I don't care about owning a territory. And this school's already haunted, anyway."
"Then why don't you want me coming through?"
"I don't know!" Phantom cried, his heart threatening to burst through. Didn't he know? His head ached as he felt another one of Danny's memories flash before him, which really didn't feel like the right time for this. But he saw what humans thought of ghosts. Danny wasn't the only human afraid of specters. If one suddenly appeared...the humans would freak out. And this was such a calm world.
Sidney's eyes scrutinized him while he clutched his head and winced. Finally, Dash's body relaxed. "Okay," Sidney said. "I won't cross through, but only because you're my friend."
Phantom gave him a grateful smile, which wasn't as pleasant as it could have been without the emotional turmoil. "Thank you."
Sidney seemed disgruntled about his decision, but he straightened Dash's letterman jacket and smirked. "For now, I might as well enjoy my time in the human world while I'm in this Clyde's body."
Phantom had been looking at Sidney, but he shifted his attention to Dash--the body he was overshadowing. His skin had grown pale since that morning. The breaths coming through his nose were slower, or maybe Sidney forgot how to breathe again.
"You can't stay inside him for long," Phantom reminded. "Prolonged overshadowing isn't healthy."
"So?"
That question caught Phantom off guard. "So...if you stay in him for too long, he might die."
Dash's face was pulled into an expression of scorn. "He's a bully. Everyone in school is scared of him. Maybe he deserves to die."
Ba-dump, ba-dump, continued Phantom's heart. He gave a nervous chuckle and ignored the sweat forming on his neck. "You don't mean that, do you?"
But as he studied Sidney/Dash, he realized Sidney did mean it. Why should a ghost care about death? Sidney was already dead, so killing someone wasn't a big deal. And it did put a permanent end to Dash's bullying in this school.
But Phantom had seen grief in humans. He knew how big a deal death really was, at least to their kind.
Phantom gulped. "Get out of his body. You can't let him die."
"Since when do you care what happens to human bullies?"
"Since--" Phantom figured there was only one way to get Sidney to stop. He hated pulling this card with him, but...he pointed at Sidney accusingly and said, "Since hurting him makes you a bully!"
Sidney recoiled. For a second, Phantom thought he would leave then and there, but he recovered with a scowl and said, "This is a special circumstance. It's just like vandalizing Aragon's lair. Some bullies deserve to taste their own medicine."
Phantom threw his arms up. "Then give him a wedgie! No need for anyone to die!"
Sidney was unnervingly quiet for a moment. Then he tilted Dash's head and said, "Being alive has changed you, hasn't it?"
Phantom had no response. He didn't know what to say to that. He didn't have to, because just then someone said, "Dash! There you are!"
He turned his head and saw a group of students in matching letterman jackets approach. One of them patted Sidney/Dash and said, "What are you doing with loser Fenturd?"
"Now, now," Sidney said and wagged Dash's finger. "Fenturd is no loser."
"It's Fenton," Phantom corrected.
Sidney's gray eyes were unreadable as they gazed at Phantom. Then they turned to the group of popular kids, and he grinned widely before saying, "Never mind that! What did you want to tell me? We should go have some fun!"
Sidney did not stop overshadowing Dash. He followed the gang as they went to do whatever Dash's friends normally did for fun besides bully.
As soon as they left, Phantom released a breath he didn't realize he was holding. He slid against the wall behind him until he was crouching on the floor. Ba-dump. Ba-dump. He looked at his stolen hands and saw that they were shaking.
He felt scared...of Sidney. Since when did he feel scared of his friends?
The same time he started caring about what happened to human bullies.
Since he became a human.
.
Phantom guessed there had been a lot of renovating in Casper High since Sidney was alive, but one place stayed the same: Sidney's locker. He followed the path he recognized from Sidney's lair in the Ghost Zone and found the metal cabinet sitting in the same spot as it did in the school's ghostly counterpart.
Since Danny's body was infuriatingly short, Phantom had to stand on tip toes to peek into the top locker through the slits on its door. It was hard to make out anything inside when it was shrouded in darkness, but he managed to see the glint of something reflective. Sidney's mirror. His ghostly relic.
Phantom had considered seeking the toilet ghost's help in stopping Sidney; if the ghost considered the school his haunt, then surely he would consider Sidney an intruder, right? But when he went to the haunted bathroom, he found Sidney--still in Dash's body--chatting him up. Apparently, being both ghosts who died from bullying meant they had a lot of stories to share.
With that solution out of the picture, there was only one option left: getting Sidney's mirror. As his doorway to the human world, he would do anything to keep it intact. Phantom might be able to convince him to leave Dash peacefully if he had it in his hands...if only he could figure out how to do that.
Oh, how much easier this job could have been if he kept his ghost powers in this stupid body. He would just phase his hand through the door and be done. But Phantom did not have his intangibility, and he did not have the key to Dash's locker, which meant he could only gaze at the mirror sadly and plan Dash's obituary in his head. 'Here lies Dash Baxter: died because he failed to follow the school's anti-bullying PSA.'
"What are you doing?" a voice spoke, causing Phantom to jump. He whipped around and saw a familiar redhead. "You again," Phantom said.
Wesley looked at the locker. He was doing a good job of pretending not to be uneased by Phantom. "That's Dash's new locker, right?" the human said.
"Yeah," Phantom confirmed. "Uh, I definitely wasn't doing anything weird, though."
"Did the not-weird thing have anything to do with getting Dash un-possessed?" At seeing Phantom staring, Wesley rolled his eyes and said, "Come on, everyone could tell that Dash has been acting super weird."
"Well...yes. He's overshadowed." Phantom nodded at the locker and explained, "There's an object in there that's connecting the ghost to the human plane. If I could get it, I could stop him from overshadowing Dash, but..." He shrugged. "I don't know how to get it."
Wesley studied the locker. "Could you move out of the way?" he said. Phantom complied. He watched as Wesley pulled out something small from his pocket...a hairclip? A pin?
Phantom couldn't quite see what Wesley was doing over his back, but he was pretty sure he jabbed the pin into the lock and jiggled it around carefully. After a while, the lock fell away, and Wesley stepped back to allow the door to swing forward.
Phantom raised an eyebrow at Wesley. Wesley smiled sheepishly and said, "I get locked out of my house a lot. Single dad isn't always home, and I forget my keys..."
Phantom didn't question him. He looked inside the locker. Behind the messy stacks of books was Sidney's mirror, smooth and shiny in spite of how many decades it had sat in there.
Phantom reached forward and pulled it off the locker wall. Just like in every other mirror, he saw Danny's face stare back at him. Not even a ghostly mirror changed that. Reflection Danny's shoulders slumped.
"So, we break the mirror?" Wesley said.
"What?" Phantom looked up at him. "No! At least, not unless it's as a last resort. I just need to scare Sid--the ghost until he leaves."
"But...it would be easier if you broke it now, right?"
"Well, yes," Phantom admitted. As Sidney's link to the human world, it seemed likely that he would disappear as soon as the link was severed. But he had a feeling breaking something so important would also sever the friendship between him and Sidney--or at least, more harshly than how it would be from him forcing Sidney to quit a human. "But this ghost is my friend. I'm sure I can talk to him."
"So...you're friends with a ghost who possesses people," Wesley said. There it was, the tension in the human's body that signified his wariness of Phantom.
"That--that doesn't mean I'm a fan of possession or anything," Phantom quickly said. "I'm not possessing Danny because I want to."
"I know," Wesley said with a sigh.
Phantom observed Wesley curiously, but the boy's expression was guarded. "Are you Danny's friend?" he asked.
Wesley...blushed? and looked away. "No. We just share a few classes. He probably doesn't even know me."
"Then why are you helping me?"
He shrugged. "My classmate is possessed, of course I would help."
"But everyone hates Dash."
"Then why are you helping him if the ghost is your friend?" Wesley countered.
Phantom turned his eyes away. They landed on the mirror in his hands, and he moved them farther to avoid looking at Danny's face. "None of your business," he uttered.
An awkward silence descended on them, finally broken by Wesley as he said, "If you wanna catch Dash, he's in the basketball team with me. We're practicing in the gym after school."
After school...would Dash still be alive by then? He supposed so. After all, Danny had overshadowed Phantom for almost an entire school day, and he was still (sadly) alive.
"One more question," Wesley said. "What's your name? Your real name, not Danny."
"I go by Phantom--or, uh, I went by Phantom."
Wesley snorted. "Seriously? You're a ghost and your name is Phantom?"
Phantom glared at him and crossed his arms. "I admit, I'm not the most creative with names."
"No shit," Wesley retorted. He was smiling. He...wasn't scared of Phantom?
Wesley cleared his throat and said, "Well, I go by Wes."
"Keen-o," Phantom said, then immediately wanted to ecto-blast himself because Wes was looking at him weird. Fuck Sidney and his infectious 50s slang.
"Yeah, real keen-o," Wes said, and Phantom could tell he was holding back laughter. The bell rang. "Well...I better go. I'll see you in basketball practice, I guess."
Phantom nodded. Wes closed the locker and re-locked it. He hesitated before asking, "Won't the ghost know the mirror's gone?"
Ah. He didn't think about that. "I'll figure something out," Phantom said. Wes nodded and left.
Phantom looked down at the mirror. Again, he saw Danny's face.
Would wes have been as kind to him if he was a ghost? he wondered. Or was he only nice to him because he was Danny? Wes knew he wasn't Danny, but still...
Phantom shook his head. Worry about Danny's relationships later. For now, he had to deal with Sidney's mirror. After a thought, he placed it inside Danny's backpack and carried it with him to class.
If he remembered correctly, his next class was with Tucker. He entered the classroom and found the dark-skinned boy sitting at his desk. Just like in geometry class, he and Tucker sat next to each other--a seating arrangement that was blessed for Danny, cursed for Phantom...but maybe not this time.
Tucker perked up when he saw him approach. "Phantom!" he whispered. "Look, I'm really sorry about ditching you this morning. I meant what I said about becoming friends."
Phantom tried to remain neutral as he sat down, but he couldn't help the twinge of bitterness in his chest. "I thought Sam didn't want you to hang with me."
Tucker winced. "I'm sorry about Sam, but I swear, she doesn't hate you. It's just...it hurts, seeing you in Danny's body and knowing you aren't him."
"Thanks," Phantom muttered.
"No, I mean--there's nothing bad about you, it's just--you know, it's kinda hard wrapping my head around all this, even if it's already been almost two weeks--"
"Tucker, shut up," Phantom said. Tucker shut up. Phantom turned to him and asked, "Do you have a ghost weapon with you?"
"Huh?"
"Danny's parents are ghost hunters, and you're his friends, so do you have a ghost weapon with you?"
Tucker looked guilty. "We don't have anything against ghosts. Heck, Sam normally loves ghosts--before, you know..."
"Just answer the question."
"...I have a lipstick laser. So does Sam."
Tucker was watching him like he expected Phantom to snap. Phantom didn't care. Heck, the weapons won't even work on him so long as he was in Danny's body. Instead of feeling angry, he felt relieved; he pulled out the mirror from his backpack and thrust it to Tucker.
Tucker looked down at the object. "What--"
"That mirror's haunted."
Tucker pushed the mirror away from him as if Phantom just said it was on fire. Phantom barely managed to catch it before it could shatter on the floor. He glared at Tucker and hissed, "What was that for?"
"Why are you giving me a haunted mirror?!"
Phantom shoved it toward Tucker again and said, "I need you to guard it for me until school finishes. If I keep it with me, the ghost will know."
Tucker stared at him in befuddlement. Admittedly, his request was pretty sudden from Tucker's point of view. But there was no time to explain--Sidney/Dash just entered the room.
Phantom quickly hid the mirror under Tucker's textbook. A part of him hoped it wouldn't crack under the textbook's weight (school textbooks were ridiculously heavy) but he doubted a ghost-powered object would be so easy to shatter. As soon as the mirror was out of sight, he sat at his desk, looking casual.
Tucker followed his gaze to Sidney, and understanding clicked. "I knew Dash was possessed," he whispered.
"Overshadowed," Phantom corrected. "But yes."
As Sidney made his way to Dash's desk, his eyes lingered on Phantom. He didn't give any attention to Tucker. That was good.
Phantom's foot tapped below his desk as the teacher droned on about some history subject. He glanced at the clock. There were only a few periods left until school ended and the basketball team's practice session began. All he had to do was wait.
.
Phantom decided that smell was his least favorite of the human senses. Sure, there were nice smells, like flowers, and freshly-cooked meals. But there is also the horrible reek of sweaty gym locker rooms.
Phantom had to hold his nose to stop himself from gagging. Why did humans need to have such strong olfactory senses?
"Remind me why we're here again?" Tucker said next to him. He must have been used to the smell because he was breathing fine. In one of his hands was Sidney's mirror, and in the other was a Fenton™-brand lipstick.
"Dash has after school practice," Phantom answered. His voice sounded funny with him holding his nose, but he wasn't enthusiastic to let go. He turned to Tucker and added, "You didn't have to come. I can handle the ghost myself."
"Dude, like it or not, you're still in my best friend's body. I don't want to be the one to explain to Danny that you wrecked his body by challenging a ghost on your own."
Phantom ignored the wave of sadness he felt at the mention of Danny. Tucker would only need to explain things if Danny ever returned. Also if Phantom allowed his body to get wrecked. He sighed but did not argue with Tucker.
"There you are," Wes said, approaching Phantom. He was wearing Casper High's red-and-white basketball uniform. Tucker raised an eyebrow at him.
"Tucker, Wes," Phantom introduced. "He knows about me and Danny."
"Aren't you that guy from our gym class?" Tucker said.
"And math class," Wes mumbled.
One of the basketball players in the locker room heard them and came over. "Hey Fenton, Foley, what are you two doing here?" He smirked and added, "You didn't come here for a gay make-out, did you?"
Tucker gagged and said, "God, no, Danny's my best friend. I wouldn't do that to his body."
The basketball player laughed. Wes's expression was...unreadable.
Phantom decided to step forward toward the basketball player. He recognized him as one of the jocks that always hung out with Dash, which must have made him Dash's friend. "Do you--" he began, then remembered this guy was a bully and seemed like he was about to make fun of his funny voice, so he let go of his nose (ignoring the assault on his senses) and said, "Do you know where Dash is?"
"Right here," Dash's voice came from behind, and Phantom turned around to see Sidney/Dash.
Sidney's eyes rove to the mirror in Tucker's hand. His expression darkened.
There was a clap that alerted everyone to the adult human that just entered the room. She was a woman, and Phantom was pretty sure this locker room was for boys, but no one seemed to care. She must have been the coach.
"All right, pansies, enough time getting ready," the coach barked. "Time for practice."
"Yes, Coach Tetslaff," a few boys replied. Most of them followed her command and left the room, but Sidney-as-Dash stayed behind. He went up to her and said, "Actually, coach? I feel kind of sick. Do you think I could sit this one out?" To accentuate his point, he faked a cough.
Tetslaff looked like she was about to argue, but she saw him and paused. The prolonged overshadowing was starting to show its effect on Dash's body. He was pale, sweaty, and had rugged breathing. After a moment's hesitation, Tetslaff grumbled, "Fine. But just this once." She caught Wes standing by the doorway and barked, "What are you waiting for, Weston? You don't look sick to me."
Wes gave Phantom one more glance before he and Tetslaff left the room. That left only Phantom, Tucker, and Sidney-as-Dash inside.
He could tell Sidney was angry at him for taking his relic, but the ghost kept himself calm and raised Dash's hand carefully. "Give me the mirror," he said.
"First, let go of Dash," Phantom ordered. He tried his best to display confidence. Never mind that he didn't have a ghost weapon like Tucker, nor did he know any fight moves that did not include ghost powers he didn't have.
Sidney must have known how powerless he was, but he didn't make a move. He narrowed his eyes and asked, "Why are you sticking up for someone who bullied you?"
"Actually, he has a point," Tucker said. "Why are we helping Dash?"
Phantom glared at Tucker. Sidney chose that moment to lunge forward, but before he could even go two steps, Tucker uncapped his lipstick and pointed it menacingly at him. "Don't try it, demon," he said.
"He's a ghost," Phantom whispered.
"Shush. I know."
Sidney froze at the sight of Tucker's ecto-weapon. It didn't look very intimidating, but it must have given off some ghostly energy to convince Sidney to stay in place. He glowered at Phantom. "What are you going to do?"
Phantom pressed his lips. "Tucker, give me the mirror," he said. Tucker complied. Phantom held the mirror above his head and warned, "I'll smash it."
"You wouldnt," Sidney growled.
"Wanna find out?" He swung the mirror toward the ground, but before he could let go, Sidney quickly cried, "Stop!"
Phantom held the mirror in place, but it was shaking--actually, his entire arms were shaking. "I don't want to do this," he said in a quavering voice. "I don't know why I'm doing this."
He could feel both other pairs of eyes in the room pierce into him. Sidney's gray eyes scrutinized him. After what felt like an eternity, the ghost calmly said, "Okay."
"Okay?" Tucker repeated, surprised.
Sidney stepped back and held up Dash's arms in surrender. "Okay, I'll leave."
"That's it? I kind of expected a ghost fight," Tucker said almost disappointedly, turning to Phantom. "I didn't even get to use my laser."
Sidney scoffed. "A fight would involve violence, which is bullying. I don't do that."
"Wow," Tucker said. "You seem like a pretty nice ghost, actually."
Phantom and Sidney held each other's gaze, and Phantom could tell they both felt a bit of betrayal at the other's action. "He is," Phantom said. "He just needs to let the human go."
Tucker's jolted and tightened his grip around his lipstick when a cloud of smoke escaped from Dash. The smoke was sucked into the mirror in Phantom's hands. As soon as it left, Dash's now-blue eyes rolled into his skull, and his body crumpled against a row of lockers.
Phantom looked down at the mirror and saw its surface glow green before it settled back into a regular mirror, reflecting Danny's face back at him.
A loud snore pulled his attention to Dash, who was lying on the floor in what looked like an uncomfortable position, mouth open and drooling. He snored again.
Tucker snickered. "At least he's alive."
Phantom turned away from Dash and moved toward the locker room's exit. Tucker followed him. "So that's it?" Tucker asked.
Phantom paid little attention to the basketball team practicing in the gym before he emerged into the hallways again. "That's it," he confirmed. "Dash is alive, and Sidney's back where he belongs."
"I still don't get why you helped Dash," Tucker said. "I would've thought ghosts don't care about life and death."
Phantom slowed in his tracks until he stopped. He hung his head. That's the thing isn't it? he thought. I'm not a ghost anymore.
"Just go home, Tucker," he murmured.
Tucker lingered by his side for a second longer, but he must have been able to sense that Phantom needed some time alone, because he evetually left. His footsteps echoed across the empty hallways as he made his way to the school's exit.
That left Phantom alone with Sidney's mirror. He let his lungs expand--a feeling he was starting to get used to and was strangely calming. Then he walked toward Danny's locker.
There was no way he was placing the mirror back in Dash's locker, of course. It wasn't that he didn't trust Sidney to keep his word, but who knew what Dash might do to the relic in a moment of anger (of which he had plenty). So instead, he opened Danny's locker and hung the mirror inside.
Rather than close the door and leave, he kept it open and gazed at the mirror's surface. With his shadow blocking the locker's interior, and humans' poor ability to see in the dark, he could almost imagine himself staring back instead of Danny.
"I'm sorry, Sidney," he said to the mirror. "I don't know what came over me. I just couldn't let you hurt someone."
The mirror stayed quiet. Phantom sighed and leaned against the locker door he was holding. "Being a human is so confusing. I want to be back at the Ghost Zone, with you and the others. I never asked to be here."
There was another moment of silence, and then the mirror glowed. He watched as a fog appeared on its surface and swirled before solidifying into Sidney's face--small and geeky, way different from the one he overshadowed.
"You really can't leave?" Sidney asked.
Phantom didn't admit how much joy he felt at seeing a familiar face. "If I can leave, I would have done so ten days ago."
Sidney looked remorseful. "Right. I didn't think about how tough it would be for someone to return to the human world without any memories of it."
There he went again. His wording implied that Phantom had been alive before. Phantom frowned. "Why do you keep talking like I'm a death-formed ghost?"
Sidney hesitated. He seemed to pick his next words carefully. "You say you're a Zone-born ghost, but do you even have parents?"
"They moved on."
"Who has a core child unless they plan on sticking around?"
Phantom was starting to get irritated. "I don't know, maybe they finished their business sooner than expected."
"But no one knows your parents, if they really are ghosts. And you know how fast news spread in the Ghost Zone. Any ghost deciding to have a core child would definitely have counted as news."
"So, what? You think I died and forgot about it?"
"It's not unheard of. Ghosts who had especially violent deaths often forget their lives at first." Sidney shrugged and admitted, "Maybe I'm wrong and you really are Zone-born. But I find it a little convenient that you managed to learn human processes quickly enough to keep yourself alive for ten days."
Phantom didn't know how to respond to that. True, sometimes he did things in the human world that felt familiar in a way, but he always assumed it was due to him gaining Danny's memories. "If all that you said is true, why wait to tell me now?"
"You know why," Sidney said, his expression troubled. "Ghosts with violent deaths..."
"...are always violent themselves," Phantom completed. Sidney bit his lip and nodded. Phantom glared at the chemistry book in the locker and said, "But you don't think I could turn out like that, do you?"
"Of course not. That's why I'm telling you now. Because--"
"Because I'm a human now," Phantom murmured.
"...I was going to say it's because I got to know you better."
Phantom's eyes didn't meet the mirror. After a moment, Sidney sighed. "Sorry, I didn't mean to burden you with more identity crises than you already have. If you ever want to talk, at least I'm here to listen."
Phantom glanced up. "You mean we're still friends?"
Sidney looked almost offended as he said, "Of course we're still friends! What do you take me for?"
Phantom smiled, but his expression turned into uncertainty as he pointed out, "But I touched your relic and drove you out of a human."
Sidney grumbled, "To be frank, I still don't forgive you for that. But at least I understand why you did it."
"Why's that?"
"Because you're a human now."
Before Phantom could know how to react to that, he heard footsteps echo his way. He turned away from the locker to see Wes jogging toward him. When he looked back at the mirror, Sidney's face was gone, dissolved back into mist before it disappeared.
"You did it!" Wes was saying as he approached grinning. "Dash woke up after practice. He doesn't remember anything from the time he was possessed. Everyone is assuming he had a really rough fever that made him delusional." He caught Phantom's somber expression, and his smile fell. "Is everything okay?"
Phantom closed the locker door quietly. "I'm fine," he said, though he didn't feel it. "The ghost is back in the Ghost Zone."
"The Ghost Zone?" Wes echoed. Phantom turned his head to look at him, and any amusement Wes felt at the silly name vanished. He shifted his foot. "Sorry. I guess it must have been tough, facing off your friend."
Phantom's hand was still on the locker door. The metal was cool against his fleshy skin. "It's okay. We talked it out," he said.
Wes fidgeted with his hands. "Well," he began shyly, "if you want any human friends, I'm always free."
The tips of Wes's ears had gone pink. Phantom narrowed his eyes. He was beginning to recognize this human's strange behavior around Phantom. It was the same way Ember sometimes got around Skulker, not that he ever understood her infatuation.
He tilted his head and asked, "You have a crush on Danny, don't you?"
Wes choked. His face turned as red as the accents of his basketball uniform as he stammered, "W-what? A crush? No! That--that's ridiculous!"
Phantom didn't bother focusing on how flustered Wes was. Instead, he said sadly, "You know I'm not him, right?"
Wes calmed down, and he looked down at his feet sorrowfully. "I know."
Phantom turned his face away. Not for the first time, he wished he knew where Danny was. The silence between him and Wes grew heavy.
Phantom cleared his throat. "Well, if you do find Danny attractive, at least I know the body I'm in is hot."
Wes snorted, then dissolved into laughter. Phantom smiled. The mood lifted just a little bit.
Once his laughter died down, Wes rubbed his neck and said, "Want to walk home together? Or...I guess to Danny's home, in your case."
Phantom's smile fell. "You don't have to be close to me just because you like Danny."
"Dude, I've had more conversations with you in one day than I had with Danny in my life," Wes said, then immediately blushed and added, "Not that that means I'm crushing on you or anything...but we're friends, aren't we?"
Phantom felt a flutter of warmth at that, but it was small compared to his overall negative feelings left over from his confrontation with Sidney. "We are," he told Wes, "and thank you...but if you don't mind, I'd like to be alone for now."
Wes lingered in the edge of his vision before he finally said, "All right. I'll see you tomorrow, then." He turned and reluctantly walked away.
Phantom was left alone in an empty school. He leaned against a row of lockers and closed his eyes. Today should have been a good day. He met friends, both new and old. So why did he feel less than happy?
.
"Danny! Where have you been?" Jazz said as soon as he stepped foot indoors. She was crossing her arms and glaring at him.
Phantom ignored her in favor of looking around the otherwise unoccupied living room. "Where are Mom and Dad?" he asked.
"Out for groceries," Jazz answered impatiently. "What about you? If you wanted to stay after school, you could have called me!"
"Oh," Phantom said, feeling guilty for having forgotten about Danny's sister. She was the nicest Fenton to him, even if she didn't believe the truth about his identity. He reached a hand into his pocket and found it empty. "Actually, I think I forgot my phone at home."
Jazz pinched the bridge of her nose and muttered something incomprehensible. "Just--don't make me worry next time, okay? I had to learn from Sam that you were busy with something."
"Sam?" Phantom said, surprised. The two of them still hadn't spoken since the day Danny left. Maybe Tucker told her to tell Jazz.
Jazz shrugged and moved toward her room upstairs. "There's leftovers in the kitchen. You can heat them yourselves."
"Sure," Phantom said, fairly certain he had learned how to use a microwave correctly. Once Jazz left, he made his way to the kitchen. But he didn't have an appetite at the moment.
Sure, he was hungry. But his mind dwelled too much on Sidney and what he had told him, so he doubted he had the energy in him to make himself a meal. Instead, he went to the door in the back that led downstairs--to the Fentons' underground laboratory.
Phantom opened the door and stood at the edge of the stairs. It seemed to lead into nothing but darkness, but he could smell the whiff of sterilized ectoplasm and metal.
He hadn't been down in the lab since he first woke up there in Danny's body. Most of the time, the Fenton couple was there, and they intimidated him too much. But now they were outside.
Phantom gulped and descended the stairs.
The portal was right where he remembered it. He didn't have a chance to get a good look at it last time, having been too busy freaking out over his situation, but he vaguely recalled a glowing green hole in the wall. The hole was now covered by yellow-and-black blast doors, but he was certain it was the same portal.
There were several tables across the lab with various half-assembled and fully-assembled weapons on them. Phantom tried not to freeze up when he passed by them. At least he didn't find any dissected ghost remains.
He walked up to the portal and stopped. On the other side of those doors was his home...his old friends, Sidney included...and maybe even the real Danny. He could step through and be back home, but he knew he wouldn't be able to survive. Ghosts could be a vicious bunch if they needed to be, and he didn't have any ghost powers to defend himself.
He could only hope Danny was faring okay.
Phantom turned to head upstairs, but he paused in his tracks and winced as yet another memory assaulted him. But...something felt different about this one.
He felt someone's hand holding his. It was large, covering his completely--or maybe his hands were small. There was the sharp smell of antiseptic and the steady beating of a heart monitor.
The person lying in the bed in front of him was horrible to look at. His skin was covered with green blisters that almost seemed to glow. He gripped the hand holding his own and hid behind the standing person's body, trying to form a barrier between himself and the hospital bed.
The human holding his hand--a woman, he remembered--said something muddled through his memory and urged him forward to the person in the bed. He didn't want to get close. The bed towered above his small form, but the woman carried him and set him down on the bed next to the prone, blistered body.
The prostrate person--he was hesitant to call him a human--was breathing ruggedly. The green bumps on his skin seemed to glow with every breath he took. His eyes were closed, but as he watched with terror, they opened to reveal completely red, glowing eyes.
The last thing he remembered was crying and attempting to flee--then the memory ended, and Phantom was thrust back into the Fentons' lab.
Phantom gasped and fell onto the ground. Sweat poured out his body, and he shivered. Those red eyes were still lingering in his vision when he heard hurried footsteps descend the stairs.
"Danny? What are you doing down there?" Jazz's voice came.
Her red hair and concerned teal eyes appeared in his sight as she tried to help him up. Phantom weakly slapped her hands away and said, "I'm fine."
"You don't look fine," Jazz argued.
True, he wasn't fine. But he didn't want to talk about it, least of all with Jazz, and he knew she would prod. He grumbled again, "I'm fine. I don't need your help."
He tried to stand up and immediately fell back down. Jazz raised her eyebrows at him. He sighed and accepted her help.
He leaned against her, shaking all the way, as she carried them up the stairs and back into the kitchen. She kept her mouth shut. Phantom was grateful for that.
She set him down on the nearest chair. He leaned his fists against his lap and breathed.
"Do you--"
"I don't want to talk," Phantom answered before she could finish.
Jazz reluctantly left him alone. He had to admit, Danny's sister wasn't a bad human.
Phantom finally got his breathing down, though his heart still thumped against his chest. What was that? None of Danny's memories he experienced had ever left him so shaken.
He thought back to what Sidney told him. He had been alive before, but he had forgotten all about his life. Now...
Phantom closed his eyes and gulped.
He had experienced a memory, but it wasn't Danny's.
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vmprwtch · 6 years
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             alec and pain *!
                      trigger warning: abuse
          alec has a lust and a love for pain. there’s a complicated relationship between pain and pleasure in his mind. he only likes being hurt by anyone he is engaged in sex with or anyone he has accepted into his circle of trust which is notoriously small. he also has a proclivity for abusive relationships, only semi-consciously. he does not necessarily prefer them in a way that romanticizes abuse. he is simply accustomed to abusive dynamics and has misguided concepts of what is abuse due to being a victim of abuse in a variety of ways. disclaimer: I am writing this as someone who has experience in the following issues and is speaking from that experience. I do not mean to represent anyone else’s similar experiences as we all go through things differently. I do not intend to romanticize any of the following material. it is merely fact about alec’s genuinely dangerous ways of thinking. 
alec believes everyone will hurt him eventually
              alec does not believe the best in people. he does not think there is any reason why people should be their best; he’s very agnostic and does not believe in any universal code of morality. however, he is simply conditioned to expect the worst of people. he is very much in agreement with hobbes that at their core humans are evil beings, animalistic and cruel. pain is to be expected at every turn. to kill is the only way to ensure one will never be hurt and so pain is a necessary part of life. its a nonissue.
alec sees himself as an object first and a person second
              since his transformation, alec has been a weapon first and foremost. his personality and his intellect are not the reason he was saved. he was not saved because it was the right thing to do. he was saved to be a weapon, a tool. he has always been a piece, an object. he does not question it. thats all he is. he is no longer a living breathing person. he died and was reborn as a dagger, something to be used for violence and wielded at the whims of the volturi masters. he believes he owes them and that he can only be safe or valued if he is their weapon. he has no other choice.
alec has grown accustomed to pain and sees it as a demonstration of passion and intense emotion, even positive emotions
              he was often harassed and beaten as a human and his life ended in utter torment. since then he has been feeling the burn of fire in his throat for 1200 years. his sns makes everything incredibly uncomfortable and he is simply used to living a life filled with carnage and bloodshed. pain is normal and it is in everything. if anything, he has noticed in the volturi and the world around him that when people care deeply they act out in violence and with intensity. when caius would get upset and wage wars or when aro would order an assassination for a scorned invitation to join the volturi, he was told they were simply very passionate and they cared too much. the world was a dangerous intense place and sometimes that passion manifested in violence. violence makes more sense than love; it is all he knows.
alec has an internal belief that regardless of his confidence or security, all people will see him as a monster and violence is a physical confirmation of this
              alec does not hate himself. however, he believes everyone else does. everyone has except for the volturi masters and even they frequently see him as a tool rather than a person. ever since his abuse at the hands of the villagers and his subsequent transformation into a literal monster, he has been a creature of darkness and abuse rejected by society. no one has been any different. by being hurt or assaulted, he is simply reassured. his anxiety and trauma convince him of their hate; the violence is a reassuring confirmation of that paranoia.
violence shocks him out of some symptoms of his mental disorders and his oversensitive sns 
              the shock of a slap or the distraction of a fight is reassuring because not only will it sharpen his sadness into rage but it also justifies the constant fight or flight reaction induced by his anxiety and that causes his sns. he essentially feels almost healthy when he is angry or involved in a physical fight because not only is the paralyzing sadness transformed but he also feels physically in tune. his adrenaline and panic is appropriate and comfortable for once.
his first sexual experiences (excluding those with women) were incredibly violent and unsafe due to the attitudes towards homosexual behavior at the time
              this is quite self explanatory. alec’s very early years/centuries were especially hard because not only were his thoughts heavily influenced by trauma and poor conditioning but the outside world rarely disagreed with him. they too saw him as a monster, a deviant and other such horrific derogatory things.
alec enjoys risk and the possibility of being seriously injured 
              the risk and danger once again make him feel healthier and fulfilled by justifying his fight or flight instinct, his physical discomfort, and his endless panic. its a satisfying link of mind and body. and with his penchant for self harm related behavior and self destruction, the possibility of being hurt is thrilling.
alec enjoys feeling overwhelmed and impassioned during sex in a battle of wills and bodies
              once more this relates to his need to get out of his own head and be overwhelmed by physicality. but it also plays to his generic kink for intensity, strength, passion, competition, etc. 
alec’s durability in supernatural verses has gifted him with a reckless abandon to indulge in the above instincts
              alec has no reason to really fear the outcome of any of the above dangerous behavior and often uses this as an excuse to engage in it. in his human verses this does not apply but it also does not stop him. he is always quite a reckless person when it comes to controlling urges related to his mental illness.
alec’s self imposed apathy leads him to crave intense waves of emotion
              alec’s apathy is part personality trait and part self imposed asceticism. he tries to contain and suppress his tumultuous emotions, choosing to repress his trauma and any chance of dealing with the, rather than turn it outwards or deal with it in a healthy manner. because he spends months at a time without emoting or laughing or truly feeling much more than mild emotion at most, he often finds himself in a very precarious situation when he is close to anxiety/panic attacks and his meltdowns. during these periods, he craves intense release of his emotions and energy to simply break free of his apathy and simply scream into the abyss that he cant be composed any longer.
alec finds the dominance of pain arousing
              this is quite straightforward. alec has a pain kink without any of the above trauma and conditioning. he always finds it arousing and unhealthily thinks it is a display of passion and strength.
abuse feels familiar to alec and he understands how to navigate abusive relationships better than healthy ones
              after the life he has led, abusive behavior and violence/cruelty feel familiar to alec. he can read and understand it infinitely better than love or selflessness. he has never truly been exposed to those in a pure and true form since his human life ended. it feels foreign and insincere and otherworldly to him. abusive relationships feel accessible and appropriate for him, something he not only prefers but also deserves.
alec often goes through bouts of depression where he believes he deserves the hurt
              a major component of alec’s depression is self image issues. he truly does believe he is a monster and an object and a pin cushion a majority of the times. in his eyes, he deserves that pain. he wants to hurt because his depression inspires self hatred in a very specific and unusual way where alec doesnt necessarily feel bad about being the way he is but believes and acknowledges that he is a terrible person deserving of violence and pain.
he is incredibly loyal but only is familiar with a manipulative sort of authority and therefore believes he owes his submission to those he is loyal to
              alec only knows the authority and power of the volturi which is often if not always very manipulative, abusive, and violent in nature. when he accepts people into his miniscule circle of trust, he has decided he will never not love them, that they are a fixed point of his world. and any figure of authority or love that he has chosen to obey will automatically reach a pedastal which allows them to treat him in a similarly abusive way. he only knows submission as a form of love and loyalty. it is natural for him and clearcut which his anxiety craves.
he would rather take all the pain in the world than see those he loves suffer an ounce of discomfort
              when alec actually loves someone he would gladly burn at the stake again than see them hurt. he will be a lightning rod for his loved ones. if those loved ones are the ones who decide to hurt him, he is also perfectly comfortable accepting it as a way for them to release anger or tension or for any other reason honestly.
alec excuses abuse and sometimes even believes he deserves it
               essentially, all the earlier points are evidence and explanation of this. the life alec has led has been fucked up and abusive and unhealthy. but its all he knows. its normal, commonplace. and he survived. thats a large component,. if he has already survived it, why should he care. he will be hurt anyway so as long as he isnt dying the pain is inescapable and inevitable. as stated, he often believes he deserves that pain as well. its his life and its natural. if he werent in pain he would be in heaven and he doesnt believe in heaven.
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