#like verge of tears all the time
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There should be more commentary in the poly world that sometimes you can do all the work to unravel mononormativity and you can work on your insecurities and you can learn to deal with jealousy and you can do the /work/ and sometimes at the end of it, you just aren't poly and that's okay too.
#coming from your local monogamish pal#I'm really going through it today tbh#brendan and i are giving up on reconciliation because he's poly and I'm not#and there's no compromise there.#I'm really sad#like verge of tears all the time#but i don't really know how to talk to anyone about it.#my version on enm is sexually open and fwb#not relationships#maybe that makes me wrong but whatever
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something very lgbt is gonna transpire in that scene I know it 👁️
#the heart killers#firstkhao#kantbison#gmmtv#thai bl#LIKE WE ALL KNOW THAT SMILE#also cannot get over how baby bison looks like please?????#hes just a little guy who commits crimes leave him alone#on the verge of tears fr#im so fcking weak in my knees for them and i havent even seen them move djhgfd#also the way they look absolutely nothing like firstkhao in this like see how actors ACT????#insanity#jesus its me again#im not strong enough#this time i mean it
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"We need to find more performance, I think we've underdelivered in the last three events."
#gah i put that caption there bcs its so sad that hes basically had to say the same thing this whole season#and yet theres really no sign of it getting better#i was happy to see him in the points today and had hope#but then there was so many brake issues#and the car fucking up his back#i dont know how to feel#i hate that he has to put himself under duress like this#but at the same time cant help but admire his constant and consistent resilience#the teams loyalty to him and his loyalty back despite the car failing him#theres something so mentally damaging about seeing him look like hes on the verge of tears after such a terrible day#and then hearing all the cheering in the back. really represents the energy of this race well#fernando alonso#f1#formula 1#2024 brazilian gp#2024 brazil gp#we do a little bit of f1
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It’s actually kind of amazing that Luo Binghe’s fandom personality is The Crybaby, because just off the top of my head, I can really only remember three places where Luo Binghe cries in the entire book: at Maigu Ridge, when he thinks he’s hurt Shen Qingqiu irreparably (again) during their first time in the Bing-ge vs. Bing-mei extra, and in the flashback of Luo Binghe being “accepted” as Shen Qingqiu’s disciple, where the narration clearly states that was the last time Luo Binghe allowed himself to cry ever again. I think Shen Qingqiu may have cried more times in the novel than him, actually 😭
#svsss#i think the extras go a long way in this#but most of the time lbh is just described as ‘looking hurt’ or ‘being on the verge of tears’#which immediately clears up when he gets what he wants cause he’s only doing it to tease sqq 😭#perception of LBH the Perpetual Crybaby™️#but for serious crying? he really doesn’t do that#lbh has always been one to keep his real pain to himself#sqq has to put in the work to counter those hurts before they become heart demons (again)#also has anyone read the deep dream extra lately?#cute as shit i love this couple!#anyways thinking of this because usually in fics#i can see a shift in the writing of characters at the time when a popular fanon took root#like there being a clear demarcation in mdzs fic when best bro/uncle!jc became popular#but for svsss fics: crybaby!lbh is there from the earliest fics I’ve read#what made us all just passively accept that?#are we all like sqq and just like (seemingly) pathetic men?
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Agatha had tears in her eyes when she told Rio it’s over. I swear every time she says something that hurts her Agatha’s heart breaks a little, but she just doesn’t know how to stop.
#Rio laughed and Agatha was on the verge of tears#honestly I’m gonna do an in depth essay of her character and he and Rio’s relationship#after I’m caught up in school lol#but I’m an Agatha defender for life so I am in fact going to psychoanalize her#because her actions are based on her trauma#I’ll defend her with my life#also gonna talk about how Agatha had tears in her eyes when she told Rio she didn’t want to see her again#she hesitated before she said it too like she knew she shouldn’t and that it would hurt her#but she said it because she relies on Rio to fight back#to make her open up and be vulnerable#Rio always called out her bullshit but this time#even if Rio knew it#she didnt call it out#she had to know cause she still called her ‘my love’ at the end#but she made Agatha sit in the pain she caused her#she made Agatha make the choice that time#and at the end she chose Rio. by herself#without her#agatha all along#agatha harkness#rio vidal#agathario#vidarkness#agatha harkness x rio vidal#katherine hahn#aubrey plaza#aaa episode 8#agatha x rio#rio x agatha
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girls when they remember that wilfred owen was killed in action A WEEK before the armistice was signed
#look. it's a dead gay world war poet it goes with the theme of this blog.#wilfred owen#oscar rambles#i was rereading wild with all regrets which is the alternate version of a terre#he wrote it a little less than a year before he died and dedicated it to sassoon.#and i can't stop obsessing over the fact that the final lines#the ones about the soldier dying and his friend grieving him#almost feel like a premonition. he is going to die and his friend is going to grieve him. i feel insane#been on the verge of tears about this all day#also person who sent me an ask two days ago if you see this i have NOT forgotten about it#i just unfortunately have a long rant so i'm waiting for the time to type it all out rip#oh just cause someone mentioned in the tags this is ok to reblog#we are all sad about the gay ww1 poet sometimes it's okat#also omg i had completely forgotten that wo was also in a magnus statement
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i think i'm just fundamentally evil and broken ?
#went on a walk#it's so sad outside#i listened to the latest mitski album twice and i was on the verge of tears the entire time#i guess i thought time did heal old wounds but maybe ignoring and avoiding the wounds is not the same as healing them#im having thoughts and feelings that im so ashamed of#i dont feel like theres anyone i can tell this to im just afraid it'll change how they perceive me forever#im not even sure how to explain things to myself#am i normal am i wrong#all i want is to curl up into my bed and have someone take care of me#but i can't do that i need to grow up and there are things to do and i can't have everything i want always#i'll try and work on this assignement for thirty or forty five minutes or something and then ill allow myself to curl up into a ball and cr#or maybe i'll knit and watch something and get myself busy bc thats what i do#i just avoid the uncomfortable parts of myself thinking theyll go away or something#it's the greed#it's the greed.
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What I’ve learned from having braces (again) is that my teeth hurting apparently puts me in the most evil horrible disgusting miserable mood possible no matter what so if you see me being evil & despicable & irritable over nothing it is 100% because my teeth hurt
#got easily the most painful adjustment since having them (honestly including getting them on) yesterday I think it’s bc my teeth are already#incredibly sensitive all the time now from having the braces & then they added more brackets so there was more pressure & Jesus fucking c#hate 2 be getting high in the middle of the day like an asshole but I’ve been on the verge of tears all day & weed is the only thing that#helps kms. just had to slice my gummies into little tiny pieces I can swallow whole bc I can’t even chew them AT ALL I’m so miserableeeee#truly dental work has always been my number 1 fucking enemy since childhood any other kind of pain I’m like whatever about but my mouth.#which is unfortunate because my mouth situation is busted as FUCK. as previously mentioned. it’s over for me
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applied to a bunch of jobs! 😅🙏
#took me three days bc i really wanted my dad's input on my resume and he took a while to get back to me#but i reallyyyy wanted to have applications in my monday morning and now i do :)#also feeling much better aboutbthe whole thing now that i have stuff to be excited about#still really really sad abt leaving the kids at my current job tho#but i drove by some of the places i applied today and researched them and im really optimistic about some of them#i even heard back from one already which i was not expecting at all#she literally emailed me like half an hour after getting my application and started asking me questions#like a pre interview#so thats nice#we went back and forth a couple of times#its not my top top choice but that place isnt officially hiring and might take forever to back back to me#this place is a smaller home daycare type place and urgently hiring but the pay is super good and a home daycare environment might be nice#and the pay is pretty decent esp compared to what im making now#the top top place is a fancy pants private school that going to be way more thorough abt references and background check#so they'll take longer to get back to me#but i found out after applying that my friend's mom works there 🤯#so she's gonna ask her to put in a good word for me :)#but they're not officially hiring according to their website it just says they encourage people to inquire so i did#so p unlikely i would get that one but you never know#anyway!!!!#finally excited abt things and not just filled with dread and sadness abt leaving the current place and kids#still makes me sad but im not on the verge of tears thinking abt it anymore lol#this has been a shitpost
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My Current Pcs
Monay the False Saintess
✦| Angelic Cow-girl ✦| Current Li: Sydney (Fallen) > Avery ✦| Playstyle: Defiant ✦| Mission: Perfection (feats collecting + max skills)
Summary of File:
Very first 'normal' save + current longest running save, focused on playing through as much content as possible and achieving as many feats as possible. Accidentally got Angel tf after hyperfocusing on making money for an entire month by spamming the spa (wanted to make sure she could take on Robin's debt and still have extra money on the side to not get punished by Bailey). Very school + reputation focused (all reputation is positive), visits mickey and landry as much as possible to lower fame + buy pepper spray. Worst world corruption out of all the saves (stole ivory necklace + rite of defilement).
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Mammon the False Prophet
✦| Demonic Cow-boy ✦| Current Li: Sydney (Faithful) > Robin ✦| Playstyle: Defiant ✦| Mission: Become the Ultimate Lewd Priest (infamous reputation + Max lewd skills)
Summary of File:
2nd save + 2nd longest running save. Focused on doing all the things that Monay's save couldnt do. Playstyle is a little more risky with trying to get money using the lewder job options and trying to raise his lewd fame. Currently the save is almost exactly the same as Monay's save except they're less restricted by the way they can actually fuck around. Mostly made just to see the difference between rite of promise faithful!sydney vs rite of defilement fallen!sydney. Also supposed to be the save focused on romancing Whitney but ended up liking Robin and Kylar more.
Lowest world corruption out of all current Pcs (never stole the ivory necklace + rite of promise).
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Nene the Entropic
✦| Demonic Harpy ✦| Current LI: Great Hawk > Eden ✦| Playstyle: Submissive lewd ✦| Mission: Fuck around and Find out
Summary of file:
3rd save file, initially started to rack up Harper's love by repeatedly getting sent to the asylum, now turned into pregnancy save.
Currently the most chaotic save out of all of them. Restricting myself by not fighting the lewd encounters + not focusing on school and instead fuck around the outskirts/forest.
Explicitly made to dismiss/reject all the school/town lis.
World Corruption is currently unknown since I made her explicitly to stay the fuck away from the temple.
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??? the ???
✦| Fallen Fox-girl (intended) ✦| Current Li: Sydney (fallen) > ??? ✦| Playstyle: Defiant Crossdresser ✦| Mission: Get all virginities taken by Sydney (failed)
Summary of File
Created on a whim because I wanted a crossdresser PC. Has the most amount of Feat boosters out of all my starting PCs (mf used all 259 coins I had). Also created just to fuck around with Rite of Promise and trying to corrupt Syd. Current goal is to try and achieve fallen forgiven status + getting the other transformation feats I hadnt gotten yet (namely fox + cat + wolf).
Dont really have a name for her or for what kinda direction I wanna take her save file...
#degrees of lewdity#dol pc#monay the false saintess#mammon the false prophet#nene the entropic#??? the ???#if you notice the backgrounds they're all in their preferred safehouses ehe#Monay and Mammon are both very temple focused so they stay at the temple most of the time#they dont need to pay for bailey but it also keeps the wraith from haunting them#Nene is staying at Eden's cabin because that's the coziest out of what she's got#and she doesnt need to pay bailey while staying with eden :3#??? is still stuck with bailey though cause I havent progressed her save file that much#though since she's gonna be romancing sydney that means she's gonna be temple focused too in the future#if you also noticed... ??? has the same grey eyes Monay has...#ouuu foreshadowing for future lore..#ouuuuu#I wanna eventually do an id card thing for them in the future#I think that'd be really fun#I mean technically all four of them already are wearing their school uniforms so yall alrd know what they look like...#also hehe monay and mammon on the verge of tears <33#I love my sad little babies <33#they're crying cause they just got out of a brawl :))#they like to fight <33#fun fact: Monay has the vengeful sadist trait
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on that subject, obsessed with today when i was like "hey guys, can you two stop playing the jumping game for now because it's giving caden a headache" and my 6 yr old cousin is like "you mean 'me'. it's giving 'me' a headache, because your caden". it's like yeah man ur right. my bad . and then they stopped jumping. it was awesome
#the thing is like. the jumping hurt my headright away#but i let them do it for a while before they told them to stop. and then they did#and i think thats part of it too. for somw things you have to wait and let kids have whay they want for a while before swooping in and#asking for them to stop#so they dont feel super controlled#and like. as an autistic person I HAVE TO DO THAT ANYWAY USUALLY#there's so many adult people out there who i have to put up witj their noises because i KNOW if i ask for them to stop theyll get mad#or even on a lesser extent. like as an autistic person w my sorta issues. you have to a let a lot of things go that are genuenly painful#and stressful. bc if u ask people to do things too much they often get upset. even if theyre overall nice#same with kids#but with kids you get to ask them to stop way more and you get to ask earlier than you would with most adults#like. ill be trying to put up with somethinf and struggling and get to the ppont where im visibly shaking and stuttering and on the verge#of tears#and the mere request of 'could you turn the tv ofd#still gets whole ass adults telling me im entitled and bossy#meanwhile child will hear 'thats making me feel bad' and theyll hear that and theyll think about it#and often times theyll stop#and even when they dont they dont insult you!#and people still say little kids are annoying????#when i tell a little kid 'could you turn the sound off on the video game or take it to another room the sounds its making are upsetting me#they LISTEN.#adults have a strong tendency to#use the ironicallt imature logic of ' i like this thing. so it dosent matter if it is upsetting you. i like it so i want to have it. even#though we are in a shared space together. i wont change what im doing because i want to do the thing i like. and thats more important than#not upsetting you. because doing the thing i like makes ME feel good.'#like. litterallt this mindset is easily more promient in adults than small children 100% . on god#and its just about the most childish thing ever.#its understandable. but its immature#and with something this simple its silly people cant let that go. its not complex at all. its stop making noise it is hurting me. easy
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i can't believe it.. . . i actually officially just handed in my thesis... .
#ofc everything that could go wrong went wrong#i've been on the verge of tears for like two hours straight now lol i've just been that stressed :'^)#i had to call the student service office like literally 5 mins before the due time because nothing was fucking working#luckily they allowed me to just send all my documents over email for them to upload manually but still#im not really happy with the results and i even forgot to include some of my own fucking work in it like Holy Fuck HOW#AND i didn't finish all the schematics i needed 😭😭😭 and the ones i DID finish are really really bare bones.. .. .#there are also a TON of stupid little writing mistakes everywhere and the formatting could have been So Much Better#BUT !! ! ! IT IS DONE!! ! IT IS DELIVERED!! !!!!! !!#now i just have to see if it pass muster and then defend it in front of the examiners and supervisors aND THEN DONE FINITO#anyways i'm gonna go eat something and then lay down a bit ✌#does fish make noise??
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not my therapist saying that i only NOW™ started to do my grief 💀 like, girl... it has been over 3 months
#and like i know these things are not linear but just now??????#now????????#girls i'm straight up not having a good time 😃#i feel like i'm on the verge of tears at all times#i feel so incredibly anxious and lost and alone#i hate this... but we preserve isn't that right#no feeling is final no feeling is final no feeling is final!!!#personal
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🌷
#feels like there’s a big huge ticking clock#and i am just. anxiously watching it count down#i was telling my roommate last night that#i’m doing all this insane festive party planning now#bc i’m 100% confident i’m gonna totally crash#in a couple weeks’ time#just completely writing off the end of the year frankly#good news is that might be#SO creatively helpful djdhjf#i was sitting here just now and like#thinking of prose for the first time in a hot minute#on the verge of tears? sure. but well!#lemonade out of lemons etc etc etc#first anniversary is a good occasion#to write about a first anniversary 🧘♀️#burying myself in gameplay until then tho djdhsjkf#they keep getting the Propose For A Fame Boost option ……….#should we … ? is that cringe … ? ooc … ?
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how to stop caring for someone who doesn’t care if you live or die no borax no glue
#not me on the verge of tears bc i found out something sad about him 🧍🏼♀️#it hurts me bc: 1. if things were like they used to i would know about it first hand and wouldn’t find out from a third person#2. i would be there for him. but he’s all alone bc he’s pushing everyone away#3. i found out it happened around the time he messaged me again after this long#i care about him still he was my best friend#i can’t help it i genuinely can’t#clownery tag
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i might be autistic tbh bc whenever someone comes at me with a nasty attitude instead of getting offended or angry i am just Shocked. like speechless. flabbergasted. not even in a “how could you be mean to me, i am just a wittel forest creture i cannot change this 🥺” way but in a “how in the actual fuck am i meant to respond to that’ type of way
#yes i just had a negative encounter with someone#she was so passive aggressive and nasty lmao you would have thought i spit on her mother#basically i refused to go behind the counter when an old man tried to make me search for her. the bakery associate. when she was on break#like she wasn’t back there anyway#so she was already mad and then she thought i was stupid or something looking for an order#and i said no. you’re right nothing is late. but this one doesn’t have a label please print it#and then she threw it back at me and told me that yes i COULD go back there bc i was over 18 and an associate at the store#that wasn’t the issue you miserable bitch. also fuck you#i didn’t have time to put on a hairnet and look for your ass and you KNOW that#like i pissed off the old man and then he pissed her off and then she threw all that negativity back at me like a softball#i was already stressed out and that had me on the verge of tears over how nasty she was over NOTHING#how tf is it so hard to just complain to someone else if someone/something annoyed you goddamn#anyway. i’m not going over there again for the rest of the day and if a manager asks i’ll happily tell them why
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