#like unless there’s an actual reason and something legit happens (god please no lol) i am just TIRED and should go to bed

[ilostyou]

guys if i start feeling weird today can someone remind me i’m just spiraling bc i didn’t get enough sleep not bc there’s something to actually spiral about 😐

[sir-silly]

The Last War fan review

So, our beloved show has ended. And while I wish things would have gone differently, I did cry with relief when Clarke looked over and saw everyone already waiting for her.

Anyway, I wanted to share some of my thoughts on the finale.

1) Going right into the title sequence kind of shocked me. It wasn’t that big of a deal, but I was just immediately like “oh.” It was a bitch-slap in the face that they left a gap in the credits for Bob Morley. Why you gotta do us like that?

2) Murphy screaming “come on” while they used the defibrillator on Emori was heartbreaking. And his little whispered encouragements were so freaking cute.

3) Clarke rampage? Yes, please! I love me a badass woman. However, unlimited ammo is a sin in writing. The moment Octavia picked up the sword was a big “oh yes.”

4) Did Cadogan not care about his son like at all? Lmao. Why is he so hung up on Callie and not his other kid (who I can’t even remember the name of). I don’t care if they explain in the prequel, that’s still a shitty parent choosing favorites. Along with his wife, like, was she not his greatest love? It was Callie? Kinda fucked up.

5) Why the fuck could Jordan figure out it was a test and not a war in 5 seconds when the Disciples were studying that shit for decades? I know he’s Monty’s son, but he’s not a genius or anything.

6) Thoughts on the test: I think Cadogan would have failed and the human race would be destroyed. Why bother asking questions if you already know all the answers?

7) Why wasn’t Gaia in the finale like at all?? Like, what the fuck. She was hunting??? For what?? That really annoyed me because I’ve grown to really like her and there was no point in her not being involved in the last episode. They seriously couldn’t have thrown her in there? Like, come on! Even Niylah was there! (not saying that I don’t like her, it’s just that Gaia has felt far more important to the story than her).

8) I do think that Jasper and Hope are cute together, and I know they spent the majority of their lives either alone or only with their parents, but GOD I can’t stand how awkward they are. Also, I know ya’ll have feelings for each other and shit, but is now really the time to be making out?? Why do people think that’s okay in literally the worst situations? I know it’s a show, but come on.

9) And how the fuck did Jordan throw and catch that sword? He’s a child who’s never fought a day in his life. Unless they suddenly want to tell me that Harper and Monty were secret ninjas and taught him all their tricks, I don’t believe that.

10) I’m being pissy and bringing up things from the past, but I don’t care. Why the fuck couldn’t Harper and Monty gone into cryo? I know they were happy and shit, but I’M NOT. How the fuck did it take so long for him to get into the files for Sanctum? His ass has done that shit a thousand times before in about two minutes and suddenly it takes him 80 years? Bullshit.

11) I’m still being pissy, but how the fuck does Jordan know what a magician is? “For my first trick, I will make an army appear.” Bruh, no. Monty wouldn’t have known what a magician was either. If they weren’t being taught what a Navy Seal was, there’s no way they knew what magicians were. Calling bullshit on that one as well.

12) I was pretty surprised that the Disciples didn’t start firing on Wonkru immediately. Like, this is the war they’ve been gearing up for forever and they don’t attack as soon as possible? Also, where the fuck did Wonkru get their war paint? Do they just constantly have it on their person? Or did their asses literally spend time making their paint before going to Bardo?

13) I fucking love Miller and Jackson. They’re freaking adorable. Murphy’s flat “I am glad you are safe” was so fucking funny. Also, saving Emori in one scene just to kill her in the next is bullshit. They should have just killed her the first time and done the same thing anyway. Murphy screaming at Jackson to do something and sobbing was heartbreaking. Fantastic acting on Richard Harmon’s part.

14)  Octavia putting on Lincoln’s same warpaint again was once again, so sad. I miss that man. He was too good for his own good. And while I do think that her and Levitt are very cute together, I’ll always prefer her with Lincoln. But I think that he would be really happy that she has found someone new to love.

15) Apparently whatever Echo “did” to Levitt was so forgettable that I don’t even know what she’s talking about. Bad writing. I shouldn’t forget that in just a few weeks, I should remember as soon as I see the two of them in the same room.

16) Lexa. Just all of it. There were some suspicions that she would show up for the last episode, but I didn’t really believe them because I didn’t understand how she would be integrated. I’m glad that they did bring her back, but I’m also not. It was amazing to see her back by Clarke in all of her armor and glory, but knowing it wasn’t actually Lexa was just a punch in the face. It wasn’t her mind, so it’s almost like they didn’t bring her back anyway. I honestly would have preferred if they used someone else for her Judge, because that just really didn’t do it for me. Their hug was sweet, but it didn’t even count as her returning. I personally think that her Judge should have been Bellamy or Madi instead, as they both certainly could fill the role of “the subject’s greatest teacher or the source of their greatest failure...it can be their greatest love.” This is just my preference. Believe me, I know how much Lexa meant to Clarke, but as a fan, bringing our favorite Heda back in that way wasn’t the best way to do it. As a writer, it makes sense, but it doesn’t as a fan. The writers can’t just think of what is the best storytelling, they have to think of what those watching will think.

17) I’m confused about the mindspace? Why did Clarke wake up in her solitary room with her memories painted all over the walls, but Emori woke up in the castle with a view of the desert? Why wouldn’t it have been her and Murphy’s cave? Is there a reason it was the bedroom and not the cave?

18) I know this isn’t canon in any sense, but could you imagine if Murphy and Emori fought over John’s body and she won, and then suddenly woke up with a penis? How fucking funny would that be? Just had to throw that out there.

19) Can I just again reiterate how fucking cute Miller and Jackson are?

20) I’m curious about the location of the test. Why did Cadogan’s take place on a pier, while Raven’s happened on the Ark? If it was their favorite place, wouldn’t Raven’s have been actually out in space? Like during a spacewalk? I’m confused about that.

21) I knew that Raven was somehow going to be involved in the test just because of the trailers we got for the final episode. My two guesses for who the judge would be were Finn and Abby. Though I am happy that we got to see Abby again, I would be curious to see if the scene would have played out any differently if it had been Finn.

22) Where was the full line that was given in the trailer? Because that was amazing. “We’re selfish, and we’re violent, and we have destroyed too much, but we survived.” I loved that line far more than what we got instead, which was simply, “Have we made mistakes? Yes. Clarke, me, all of us, but we were just trying to survive.” I definitely would have chosen the former over the latter. Poor choice on the editors’ parts.

23) How the fuck did Octavia and Echo go out to the field and get Levitt with Echo only being shot once? With all the bullets, the three of them should have been torn apart, I don’t care how much Indra could cover Octavia. Calling bullshit on that as well.

24) Bringing this up kind of late because I’m giving my reviews as I’m rewatching the episode, but what they had Eliza do was really fucked up. Her and Bob suffered a miscarriage during the filming of season seven, so the scene of her holding Madi and crying “my baby” is like 10 times more heartbreaking. If they made her film that after having a miscarriage mere days, weeks or few months before, that’s really, really messed up.

25) They really played-up Sheidheda’s bringing back of “jus drein jus daun” in the trailer. In reality, it was far less intense. I would have preferred what I had been expecting, which was him coming to help convince Wonkru that they would be able to win. However, I am super glad that he is dead and Indra finally got to kill him. I love how that bigass gun just turns people into mist lol.

26) The beginning of Octavia’s speech was literally like “what the FUCK guys” and it was hilarious. And I swear to god if I hear her say “we are Wonkru” or “you are Wonkru” another time, I’m gonna scream. I know it was legit the last episode but I’m sick of it by now lol. When Indra was like “I hope you know what you’re doing,” Octavia’s face was just like “omg me too” and it was really funny.

27) Bellamy. His situation was a whole problem itself. He deserved a hell of a lot better and wHY DID HE CUT HIS HAIR I LIKED IT THE LONG WAY. Anyway, you can bet your ass I’ll be writing a different ending where he didn’t die because FUCK THAT. When I do, I’ll be sure to share it.

28) I’m fucking confused about Murphy and Emori both transcending. Because, what the fuck. Emori died. The dead don’t transcend. Her mind wasn’t even in her body, it was in Murphy’s. So how the fuck did she end up alive and in her own body again. I’m glad she’s alive, but I just don’t understand. It would have made way more sense to have either not had her die in the first place, or to have Murphy, Miller, and Jackson keep pumping her heart so she technically “lived” anyway like Echo.

29) If Madi had decided not to transcend, would she still have been paralyzed? I mean, I would assume not because Levitt and Hope’s gunshots were healed, as was Emori, but I’m curious. Also, wouldn’t Raven’s leg have been fixed? Because if they only fix recent wounds and not old ones, that’s stupid.

30) On the point of Madi deciding not to transcend, why did she? Why didn’t so many other people choose not to? Like, not one Eligius prisoner or person from Sanctum chose to live? No one else from Wonkru? Why didn’t anyone else other than the main cast and guest stars not transcend? I totally understand the Disciples transcending, but seriously, nobody else wanted to live? That’s really weird. Madi and her friends really couldn’t have chosen to live on Earth with Clarke and the others? I just think it’s really unrealistic that not one single person outside of the group chose not to transcend.

31) I was really surprised that Murphy and Emori chose not to transcend, because as the Judge said, they would eventually die and not join them in the infinite. It shocked me due to their fear of dying and wanting to be immortal, but I’m really proud of them.

32) I’m disappointed that those who don’t transcend can’t have children. There were suspicions that Emori might have been pregnant (which were never confirmed), but the idea of her and Murphy having a kid together was adorable. They’d have their teeny tiny families with those two, Hope and Jordan, and Octavia and Levitt.

33) This isn’t as much me pointing out a problem as me wondering, what was Clarke going to say to the Judge when she turned around? What else did she have to say or ask? Was it about Madi? Or maybe Lexa? Or just transcending in general?

34) It’s pretty shitty that some of our questions went unanswered due to the fact that there will be a prequel. On the other hand, I live for lore, so I’m just glad that they eventually will be answered. But still, that doesn’t excuse shitty writing.

35) I want to see a stupid edit of Picasso taking the test where the Judge is Madi.

I think we all know that season seven was really not what we wanted it to be. We’ve been really disappointed by the writers and unfortunately, this is what we got out of it. I believe they really could have done a better job, but I am at least glad that everyone ended up together.

The writing was lacking. Too many questions were left unanswered, I don’t care if you’re making a sequel or not. Plot holes. It really could have been a good season if it was done better.

My ranking of the seasons is as follows: 3, 2, 4, 1, 6, 5, 7. Seasons 4 and 1 are kind of interchangeable for me in spots three and four, as are 6 and 5 in the two spots behind them, whatever the order may be.

But I still love the show. I love the characters, their development, and many things about it. It has been quite the journey and I am glad to have been a fan of the show.

May we meet again.

[yutaya]

Iron Fist Rewatch 1x02: Shadow Hawk Takes Flight

These doctors seem very nonchalant about how close this dude just got to murdering Danny with a fork. No reassurance or apology - just pour drugs down his throat so they can hose him down. What a picture of The System.

Negative stereotype that has roots in truth - there ARE places like this and worse, but it's true that we very rarely see the good kind of facility represented in TV too. Sucks for them to always be portrayed as the bad guy, and probably harmful too if people really could benefit from them but are wary.

"Let's say [he IS Danny]. That would mean he somehow, miraculously, [1] survived a plane crash, [2] in the Himalayas, and that [3] for some unknown reason he waited fifteen years to come back, with [4] no shoes and a tendency toward violence." - Ward, reciting all the reasons he's been repeating to himself ever since the parking lot not to start thinking this might be Danny, frog and freezer stories or no.

"We're doing the right thing. We could have just had him arrested." Why DIDN'T you have him arrested, Ward? Oh right, HAROLD. ugh.

AU where Danny gets arrested instead. Unfortunately I THINK none of the other Defenders timelines work out so this would be a good time for them to meet him early, though... 🤔

Again with this bird. I completely forgot about this symbol theme.

Danny: "I was meditating." Doctor: "Oh!" Danny: "Yeah, I was trying to focus my chi so I could get out of here." Doctor: "Oh..."

Doctor's like: Oh, wow, this is an interesting level of specificity for a made up story...

I forgot how much I like this doctor. He's legit trying to help. I forget what happened to him...

Colleen is putting so much effort into insulting her students LOL. Also: Darryl's shoes are too big. Bc Colleen runs a struggling dojo in an underprivileged part of city as a safe haven for these kids and to help "teach them how to perform in the real world"

Parts of this conversation that will weigh on Colleen: "You saw me being attacked; you KNOW there's something weird going on." "One of the richest families in New York have a problem with you." "No, I don't have anyone else I can ask for help: you're the only one."

Ward: Ok, good, I'm hearing reasons why this guy can't be telling the truth and therefore cannot be Danny. That's good. I still feel kind of off though... but that's probably just the thing where Harold put cameras in the hospital. Yeah.

Poor Kyle.

Ward: "We can lobotomize him!" Me: "asdfghjkl WARD."

This shot of Harold's "smile" when he tells Ward  "You ARE one of my guys! One of my most trusted guys!" is SO CREEPY

You can see Colleen FREEZE when Ward introduces himself. Harold and Ward shooting themselves in the foot with this: they're lending credence to Danny's story from the phone convo.

Ward, one of the richest people in the city: "Lie to the authorities about that homeless dude being violent for my own personal benefit. Here's a blatant bribe."

Harold yelling at the spy footage like he's throwing popcorn at a movie.

POOR KYLE.

This is deeply uncomfortable for me on a personal level.

Joy: Hmmmmm. What possible reason... could "Danny's" doctor have... for asking that very specific question.... unless.........?

Ok but "tiny Danny wanted to be an acrobat and was always jumping around on things" makes it SO MUCH EASIER for canon-divergent AUs where Danny isn't in the plane crash to still include ninja warrior Danny I-

Harold, a known dead man, looming ominously in the shadows of Danny's mental hospital room: "Here's a message about how you have to come find me and help me. It's not very subtle so you'll probably get it." Danny: "Oh shit, maybe I am crazy...?"

Danny: "I was a warrior. Only in the middle of a fight did I fully come alive. The harder someone hit me, the more everything came into focus." Harold: "Hm. Note taken." Me: *crying emoji*

Show: "oooh, ominous, Harold's under the Hand's thumb. Maybe there's more to him, maybe he's sympathetic...?" Fans: "lol, nice try. We all clocked that creep-o the moment we saw him."

I've talked about Colleen's first impressions of the Meachums in general and Ward in specific before but. Dude. Dude.

Danny, thinking that his very last tentative hope (Colleen) has fallen through, receives a communication from Joy. ;____;

Had. Had Joy already opened the bag of m&ms. It was sealed when she pulled it out of her desk drawer so wh- OH. The hospital opened Danny's mail, including the candy bag, to inspect it before giving it to him. Hahaha *sob*

If Colleen hadn't come to see Danny here, their paths might have diverged. As far as he's concerned, Colleen has made it clear that she's not going to help him and that they're just two strangers in a big city. Turning the corner and seeing her come to visit him boosts that flame of hope that Joy's package rekindled even further. He thought he had no one, and now the amount of people he has is growing.

Ok but, in an AU where Colleen doesn't go see Danny / Danny doesn't know Colleen came to see him, that isn't necessarily the end of their relationship. On Colleen's side, she's still suspicious of this entire Meachum mess - it RADIATES corruption and Colleen is very much entrenched in the downworld of NYC, where the rich powerful elite hurt the most. Plus, Danny doesn't give up on people easily and honestly, he kind of sucks at taking a hint - if he went off to some Rand business with the in with Joy, he would still end up in all the Harold mess, and probably at some point be on the run (maybe with another person - oooh, would love to see that AU - Joy or Ward or both in tow with Danny on the streets, fleeing trouble, Danny saying "I know a place") and showing up at Colleen's door, like "I know you don't want any part of this, and I don't mean to bring trouble to your door, but there's nowhere else to go," and Colleen being like "get in, quick," with her windows already half shuttered and supplies on the table because she was already investigating herself - (it could turn into a whole thing, with Colleen having connections that she thinks she can trust to help them against the big bad Harold/Meachum conspiracy, but then it's the Hand, and-!)

Danny: "The Meachum family might think I'm a threat to them." Colleen: "And why would they think that?" Danny: "Because I'm Danny Rand and I own more than half the company." Me: "And also because you stalked Joy, broke into her house and their offices, terrified and almost killed Ward???"

But anyway this is only gonna fuel Colleen's narrative that this is all greedy corporate machinations and bloody rich people politics. (Literally bloody. Literally murder people in a "problem solving" way kind of bloody.)

GODDDD Colleen is so hot in this scene when she walks into Joy's office with her pushed up sleeves on her chinese bomber jacket and her shirt tucked into her rolled up pants and - her hands in her pockets and that black bracelet and the belt - !

This argument between Joy and Ward is so emotionally charged - Ward's now in a desperate position because Joy has no way of knowing that she has just become an obstacle to something that he can't allow to happen - because Harold can not allow it to happen, and he's pulling Ward's strings, and then - ! "What are you so afraid of, Ward?" It's Harold, he's afraid of Harold. "You should be more like Dad." Ugh. ugh! Shot through the heart! "Grow some balls." I'm crying. They've both learned such terrible things from their father.

GDI DANNY the doctor BELIEVED you and then you had to go start talking about alternate planes of existence and the Iron Fist UGH he thinks you're just trying to cope with the trauma I - UGH.

This doctor is honestly trying to help but he's confirming all of Danny's fears from what Simon told him about how this place operates.

Ward regularly has to come up with ways to convince an entire board to do weird things that Harold asks - like purchase some random warehouses in Brooklyn - without even knowing why

Ward: "'Danny' is a threat to us, to our family, to our business, and the smartest solution - the one YOU taught me - is to get rid of the problem as expediently as possible!" Harold: "No, protect him." Ward: "WHY?! I am asking you why. Explain it to me! Because from where I'm standing, protecting him is dangerous, and getting rid of him is safe!" Harold: "Because I said so, that's why. Now heel." Honestly, of COURSE Ward takes this into his own hands.

Ah, yes, our first glimpse at Ward's drug addiction.

What is their plan????? Just beat him to death!? Can't make it quick - why?? Are they trying to make it look like a simple altercation between inmates???

"Ward Meachum sends his regards." God, that's so heartbreaking. The idea that not only does Ward believe Danny is an imposter and a threat, enough to try to kill him and then to send him to a mental institution - but that once he's there, out of harm's way, if he IS a mentally unstable imposter - OR once proof is starting to trickle to the Meachums (in colorful chocolate form) that he actually IS their old friend Danny - that Big Brother Ward would go out of his way to strike a deal with some "low life mental hospital thugs" to beat Danny to death?? This moment, to Danny, must feel like a bigger betrayal to Danny by Ward than anything else so far.

Danny, on all fours, looks up at the full moon outside the window, at the hawk silhouette streaking across it, and smiles. Hawk as Danny's spirit guide AU cont., but ALSO: WEREWOLF AU WEREWOLF AU WEREWOLF AU

Danny. Danny. Please run. Busting a huge hole in the wall made a very loud noise, please stop just standing there and giving people time to catch up.

[ogkunty]

Furcadia Toxicity

The complete log file is provided, everything here is unedited, this all transpired publicly and should be available for everyone to have access to at all times. Thank you. (19:14:03) Tacada: watching the riot police going (19:14:21) Kixy: Protesting doesn't do anything. (19:14:23) Kunty: Nah, tell people to spend time with their fucking families they keep trying to ride dicks/cunts out of (19:14:23) Tacada: theyre taking the hong kong approach the protestors. using cones n water to stop tear gas nades (19:14:32) Kunty: they riot if quarantined. (19:14:33) Ditty: god (19:14:37) Ditty: turned out as expected (19:14:45) Ditty: Kixy: People will make a bigger stink out of not being called the correct pronoun than anything important. (19:14:48) Ditty: so peoples pronouns are important (19:14:52) Ditty: not sure why you have to bring that into this lmao (19:14:58) Puffin: ^^^^^^ (19:15:01) Ditty: Maya: Just offer free heroin and meth, you'll see enough people. (19:15:02) Ditty: so thats gross (19:15:07) Ditty: not sure why you have to bring that into this either (19:15:08) Kunty: IDC about pronouns, why is that even a thing? (19:15:09) Kixy: The point was that people get more angry over stupid shit than anything serious? (19:15:15) Ditty: pronouns are not stupid shit (19:15:19) Kunty: They are (19:15:21) Kixy: Yes they are. (19:15:27) Puffin: Riots are the language of the unheard, fam (19:15:29) Kixy: Compared to SO SO many things. (19:15:34) Ditty: why do we have to compare (19:15:39) Ditty: peoples identities are extremely important (19:15:41) Ditty: you cant rank it among other things (19:15:54) Ditty: did you know humans have the capacity to care about multiple things at once or are furcadians not able to do that (19:15:55) Tacada: sorry ditty i started all of this O.O (19:15:57) Kunty: I agree with Kixy, pronouns are NOT important in comparison to riots, killings, and corona. (19:16:03) Ditty: why are we comparing them (19:16:06) Ditty: answer the question

SEE THE REST WITH THIS LINK TO THE HTML LOG FILE

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The Devil’s Den Discord Meanwhile... Yes, you may Join.

/6:33 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: IMAGINE SEXUALLY HARASSING PEOPLE AND BEING TRANSPHOBIC AS FUCK ON FUCADIA [6:34 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: LITERALLY JUST FOR ATTENTION [6:34 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: WHO FAILED YOU [6:35 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: JK ITS YOUR OWN FUCKIN FAULT [6:35 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: "THE DEVIL'S DEN" THIS IS SOME SERIOUSLY TEEENY EDGELORD SHIT [6:35 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: ESPECIALLY WITH YOUR GROSS RAPE FANTASY THESAURUS-FUCKING DESCRIPTION [6:36 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: UNAPOLOGETIC SEXUAL HARASSERS SHOULD BE SHOT [6:39 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: jesus your discord server is dead as fuck [6:39 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: small wonder you have no friends [6:39 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: you are human garbage(edited) [6:43 PM] Hellcat: I'm here to fuck ass [6:44 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: its completely dead its no use [6:44 PM] Hellcat: Plague queens are my fetish tho [6:45 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: im here to fuck ass and fuck bubblegum [6:45 PM] Hellcat: Who failed you lmfao [6:45 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: yeah i had to rethink that cuz that'd mean it's someone else's fault [6:46 PM] Hellcat: It smells like poop and semen [6:47 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: as expected [6:55 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: [REDACTED] just thought yall should know your friend is a gross transphobe who repeatedly talked about my partner's genitals after being asked not to [6:55 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: and also claimed corona was a good thing because the world needs a "plague" [6:55 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: attention seeking teen edgelord bullshit [6:56 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: could only respond with "k" when it was brought up [7:08 PM] Ill: ? [7:09 PM] Ill: Logs please @Xzfgiiimtsath#6669(edited) [7:11 PM] Ill: It is without saying that unless evidence is provided, everything else is simply hearsay. I’m sorry to say that, without visible proof of this outrageous claim, you’re kind of just making empty accusations and slanderous character bashing. ): [REDACTED]  [7:12 PM] Ill: Oh, I guess they just wanted to troll. ): I’m sorry, hopefully this can be cleaned up. [7:28 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: OH HI [7:28 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: JUST ASK HER SHE WONT DENY IT [7:28 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: she was pretty proud of it on furc [7:28 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: i can post logs but judging from your response to that you'd just say i'd edited them lol [7:29 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: is it really hard to believe that she'd say something like that? seems pretty in-character for her [7:31 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: i mean you guys jerk it to beast porn tho i dont have high hopes for any moral outrage here [7:31 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: but if there were any trans people in the server id def want them to know [7:33 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: she was shit-talking people who care about their pronouns [7:33 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: my partner, who is trans, tries to explain to them what's wrong with that [7:35 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: then Kunty's response is to repeatedly talk about not wanting to hear about their genitals(?) which has nothign to do with pronouns and wasnt part of the conversation [7:35 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: when asked to stop talking about their genitals she continues unabated just to piss them off(edited) [7:36 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: you can choose to believe im just making this up for no reason if you want, but that would be really fucking brickheaded of you [7:37 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: care more about your shitty transphobic friend repeatedly who was bringing up my partners genitals randomly and without their consent(edited) [7:37 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: @ill [7:40 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: again, 0 hopes for you response, youre a fantasy animal r*pe enthusiast who says things like, "It is without saying that unless evidence is provided," [7:40 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: holy fuck get your head out of your ass [7:41 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: but ill STILL warn you of your transphobic friend since judging on your art youre lgbtq+ [7:43 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: are you just gonna wait til i leave again to respond? figures [7:44 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: you didnt even ask them about it, just "NO EVIDENCE SO ITS FAKE" [7:44 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: you'd really go that far to defend this person when you have no idea what happened? [7:44 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: god you fucking suck [7:44 PM] Ill: Okay but [7:44 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: but nothing [7:44 PM] Ill: You are actively here [7:44 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: wow youre a fuckin genius or something eh [7:44 PM] Ill: Why are you being aggressive? [7:45 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: because im pissed [7:45 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: obviously [7:45 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: stupid question [7:45 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: why are you deflecting [7:45 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: and defending your transphobic friend for no god damn reason [7:46 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz [7:46 PM] Ill: Okay, I understand that you are in an emotional state right now, but I would really need you to calm down first before coming off on a rage to people that have no idea what you are upset over. [7:46 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: ? [7:46 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: read my post dumbass [7:46 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: then you'd know [7:46 PM] Ill: No [7:46 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: LOL [7:47 PM] Ill: Here is why [7:47 PM] Ill: The stupidest things we say are said out of Anger. [7:47 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: are you legit like 14 [7:47 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: im wasting my time [7:47 PM] Ill: I will advise you a little more directly that you take time to calm down before you come venting. [7:48 PM] Ill: No, I am asking you to be an adult [7:48 PM] Ill: And not a raging tween with a hormone spike [7:48 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: said the literal child who thinks having emotions means "not being an adult" [7:48 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: lmfao [7:48 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: not being pissed about transphobia is a character flaw [7:48 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: work on it bitch [7:48 PM] Ill: I emphasize with your anger, I am not saying it is wrong to have them [7:48 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: emphasize with my anger [7:49 PM] Ill: I am saying that you are abusing everyone else for things we have no knowledge or control over [7:49 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: what the fuck are you talking about [7:49 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: im warning you about your transphobic friend and youre being a piece of shit about it [7:50 PM] Ill: You are acting like a child, I’ve been there and done that - it does not end well. Please take time to self care for yourself first so you can be an adult that can have a calm conversation [7:50 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: and you also fantasize about r*ping animals so again: 0 hope for you to have any concept of why things are wrong [7:50 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: total fucking human garbage [7:50 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: [8:05 PM] Ill: I am going to go step away before I address this further, I am losing some patience very quickly. I am kindly asking you to do the same so that you may take time to care for yourself during this clearly highly emotional state you are in. Maybe sip some cool water, dab your cheeks with ice, and/or take a moment with a loved one that makes you feel safe. I do not know what else to recommend here, I do not assume ignorance right away when meeting people, and I would like to think that other people can also step back to rationalize themselves down from tensions like these. I call this being an adult, growing up enough to get beyond yelling and throwing every accusation at someone simply because you’re angry. Accepting that it could be possible there is a grave misunderstanding, or maybe even misinterpretation of intent/meaning. As a person that never gets these opportunities to rationalize issues away from pure misunderstood hatred, I have never seen the actual outcome. In the adult world here, if we are angry with someone that offended us, we can’t just go into their family bbq and be screaming like lunatics about how their goat fuckers based solely on our interpretations, either. That would lead to calling the police... it doesn’t get you anywhere ... not in the adult world. You need to stop and care for yourself before you come guns blazing. You don’t DO this in the adult world and then call the adults staring at you like a tantruming toddler “children” because they won’t feed your anger. I’m sorry, for whatever it is you feel WE did to you specifically. You came here, though and whatever your assumptions are, I understand that there is no arguing with you or reasoning with you beyond you are the victim of some unproven atrocity. 

- Xzfgiiimtsath#6669 - Hellcat#0186

(19:15:15) Ditty: pronouns are not stupid shit (19:15:19) Kunty: They are (19:15:21) Kixy: Yes they are.

[astormyknight]

How I came out, Multiple Experiences.

The first person I came out to is dead. 

They have been for a long time. We lost her in Year 12 of High School or maybe it was when we were year 11. I just remember I was around 16. It was pretty traumatic for a lot of us. I can’t remember exactly when it happened, like what time of year except it was sometime during either the end of the year or middle of the year (even that is hazy), it was ten years ago or so now.

We weren’t super close, like we didn't hang out on weekends or after school or anything (my parents being super strict religious types who didn’t let me go into town unless it was to the library right up until I was in my last year/sort of learning how to drive).  

But right around when I was becoming aware of my sexuality, or rather why I wasn’t ‘normal’ (second year of senior high, like...2008-9 or something), we’d been writing letters to each other and talking heaps at lunch and in whatever class we shared (I think it was social studies or classics). She felt bad for me because I was such a fucking nerd, and super socially awkward and a little bit chubby/super KY(空気読めない ) - I had friends, but at the time I was becoming more and more uncomfortable hanging out because they were super religious, made me feel like shit sometimes (except the other Hannah who was and still is cool) because my family were new to the church and I was (still am) a little...weird??? I was slowly becoming closer with the kids I took the bus part of the way home with/was in rowing with and their friends, but she kind of noticed how sheltered I was and was kind about showing me it was ok to open up, ask questions and try new things I guess. 

 ANYWAY my Mum had a bad opinion of her, but she was one of the most amazing people who went out of her way to make me see myself as a person and not a monster/demon from hell destined to return, and I couldn’t help her do the same, our situations were so different, I dunno, life is a bitch and it weighs down the best people. She made some bad choices as teenagers do, but her family wasn't really there for her either.  ((My Mum scoffed at her and in earshot one day when she came to pick me up about a month or two before the incident  and said to me that she wasn’t the sort of friend I wanted, and that she was destined to go nowhere (and in my first real act of defiance I stood up for her, called her hypocritical, and continued to write letters.))    

I dunno why but this time of year I always have really shitty dreams about that time, about the last time I kind of awkwardly brushed off her hug goodbye (like I always did, I hated and still do hate, physical affection) and how I wish I’d reciprocated even just a little. Not being able to go to her memorial because my Mum still didn’t like her/her own parents were dicks/I wasn’t in her super close circle of friends. I know I couldn’t have done more than I did, even with some of the content in the letters, I didn’t know what she was going through exactly, I didn’t really GET how bad things were for her. I thought she was going to be able to tough shit out and make her break eventually, but yeah. Life is rough, teenagers go through shit, and yeah. I’ve been dreaming lately, and it sucks ass. I always have this guilt about my grief because I wasn’t in her inner circle, but to me she was the only person really I trusted at that time with one of my “darkest” secrets.  

The second person I came out to was one of the kids I rode the bus home with who is a total no bullshit person. To this day, I am slightly scared of her, but in the best way. She told it like it was. Super awesome and still is, I’m gutted I missed the opportunity to catch up over winter last year when I was in England. I’d borrowed a French CD from her as I was trying to break my weeb phase and try music from other places, and she was worried about the racy cover, the torso of a naked woman (Indochine’s Paradize). MY DUMB ASS TEXTED BACK AND WAS LIKE...DUDE, I’M A LESBIAN...or some stupid shit like that (what a way to come out, over some pervy CD cover....gods I was/am dumb). I don’t think she really knew how to handle it, like it was SUPER out of left field, and like yeah. I don’t really remember what happened after that, she never treated me any different, she asked a lot of really sensible questions, and was patient with me. I think this was in our final year of high school, but it could have been towards the end of year our second year. 

I told her best friend at the time shortly after that, and she was kinda weird about it, lol, but like in her own way...Like in a lot of ways I think she’d guessed (I think a lot of my peers had guessed before me, in typical useless lesbian fashion) because I would always say stuff like “If my friend was gay, that’d be ok, so long as they didn’t try anything on me...” “Love the sinner, hate the sin....” ect. ect. This was right around the time when Gay Marriage was in the news for one reason or another, roughly around three years or so before it became legal in New Zealand. So that was a ride. I still don’t know how the whole thing didn't get blown up by her and she didn’t tell the rest of our peers (if she did, they kept it quite and were really respectful, waited for me to tell them). I was terrified of my family or the teachers finding out too...for a little bit anyway, and then towards the end of Year 13 I think I came out to everyone (except my family) and just was like fuck it, if people have a problem with it, I’ll just punch them/shout at them and then go cry in the toilets or something - but I didn’t need to because for whatever reason most of my year group were really cool about it! 

There were a few people in between then though.

For some reason I was in a car with a fellow self proclaimed nerd some time late at night driving somewhere in town (to or from a movie, or potentially ball lessons or something?Maybe even something to do with a one year memorial to above mentioned friend, I REALLY can’t remember.)  This person was also one of the people I felt the least judged around, like I’d say a lot of dumb shit or nerd out about something and they’d either laugh, give me a look that was like... you weirdo....but never treated me any different. I think at this point I was like... .I don’t remember how it came up, but I was like...please don’t crash, but I think I like girls. And I think I also said how I’d told above two friends, but wasnt out to family because that would not be a fun time ect. I don’t remember much after the fact, but for me this was significant because baby gay me was sweet on her (don’t freak out if you’re reading this dude please, like I at this point I was still struggling with the whole admiration vs romantic interest thing. I thought you were super straight, didn’t want to take/ruin any friendship we had for granted, wasn’t like really interested in dating anyone even though in highs school that wasnt and option anyway ect...I thought/think you are cute, have a good sense of humor, great taste in books and are very kind and intelligent, qualities that I really respect and value in all my friends). She’s a cool kid, probably the one who had the closest interests to me out of that whole group in terms of reading taste and interest in Japanese stuff. I AM SO SORRY. SO. SO SORRY I TOLD YOU WHILE YOU WERE DRIVING. My sense of self preservation at that/this time is obviously no-existent.  Also cheers for not telling my Mum...she thought you were neat and I think she talked to you a bit about unrelated stuff (probably for you Halloween party??? occasionally at cycling, you were legit the only friend I’ve had that like, she approved of) at some point. 

One of the more popular/well respected/super out of my social status girls and I were taking extra scholarship exams for biology and classics. She was super popular, super snobby, REALLY EMOTIONAL, weirdly open about the grossest stuff and also really beautiful. I was SUPER intimidated by her, and she like flat out asked me why I wasn’t interested in any of the guys I hung out with outside of school/never talked about any crushes on celebrities... again...Dude, I like girls I think... (I ALSO HAD A HUGE CRUSH ON MY MARRIED CLASSICAL HISTORY TEACHER. FUCK. MY. LIFE. Never told anybody at school though.) She was SHOOK. To her credit, she recovered quickly asked a bunch of questions and promised not to tell my parents. I think she told some of her other popular friends, who to their credit, didn’t treat me any different and didn’t out me to teachers or my parents. As mentioned,  my peer group was surprisingly blase about stuff like that (probably owing to one of their own coming out of the closet at some point either at the same time/a while before me). I wasn’t exactly bullied for that, but I was picked on for other things (like my nerdiness, my weight, my quirky habbits, my loathing of all things feminine that I had to wear including my uniform, my lack of fashion sense, my scatterbrained-ness). 

Another one of the more fiery kids was super cool about it too. She was always a bit much for me, and also the last person I expected to be one of the first people to get married/partnered up and have a house/kid on the way. She was probably the one who grilled me the most on everything. Because until this point I was one of the SUPER religious kids, with SUPER traditional parents.

Once I hit Uni, I went full baby gay. Came out to my room-mates right away. No problems there. Came out to friends I made right away. Came out to pretty much everyone I met and was bloody obnoxious about it. How I didn’t accidently out myself to family until like...third year Uni I HAVE NO IDEA. 

At this point I was “seeing” someone from online, who halfway through third semester of my first year was cheating with a dude from Auzzie. I got so upset I actually went propper drinking after one of our college functions and broke down. I came out to my parents then, at the end of year, right before final exams, I wrote a drunk email - got my very patient older flatmate to check it (she was an insomniac, and still awake at 3am watching shitty tv and studying). She made me wait until at least 7am and a cat nap/a shit ton of water and sobering up and a final read through before I clicked send. 

My Mum must have read it at like, 8am, because I got an email right around 10am and it went down like a ton of bricks. Bible verses and pleas to get help and they drove up and saw me to lecture me the next week, we had a fight of sorts, in public, but not like a super big one, just one where Dad didn’t talk for me the whole summer after that (I went home against my better judgment to work and not pay rent...I relied on them for money during Uni, and have mixed feelings about that, I am grateful they still gave me the opportunities they did, but somewhat bitter because they don’t LISTEN to anything I say that challenges what they believe when I had/have to consider and listen to what they believe) and then not until like...the middle of the next year? Yeah, it was a wild ride. 

We still are very tense with each other and fight about a lot of stuff, they get progressively more racist/homophobic every year but then they have lulls where we don`t talk about stuff of that vein and it’s almost like we’re a family again? My brother is mostly cool, he’s not super on board with gender diversity, but he’s been doing some reading recently and at least uses my preferred pronouns and name most of the time...

Only some of the extended family know, basically one family of cousins on my Dads side (plus their parents), and only one of the girls on my Mums plus her parents who are awesome (they offered to have me come stay with them and help out if my family booted me). I haven’t said anything to the grandparents. I actually outed myself accidentally to my cousin on my Dads side in third year, at a friends place (I thought I outed her, accidentally, then remembered....shit, she’s out to everyone, I’m only out to friends...) - she was in a dorm together and asked how I knew my friend. “Oh, we both go to the same LGBTQAI+ support group...” I say. “Fuck....” I say. “Dammit, I owe Sarah (older cousin) $50″ she texts me after she breezes out the door to some party. 

The one almost family member I nearly told died before I could come clean. Shortly after I came out to my parents, a family friend of ours, who my parents knew through cycling, got really aggressive cancer. She was gone by mid-way through my second year in July. I’ve been dreaming about her too recently, I always dream about the two of them this time of year. I think Nic knew, she would always talk about stuff with me that made me feel super supported and loved. I miss her, and regret this the most.

- So yeah. TLDR; I HAVE BEEN HAVING SAD DREAMS. I am avoiding sleeping even though I need to be up early to prove to my bank that I AM NOT DOING MONEY FRAUD BECAUSE I AM A FOREIGNER I DAMN WELL LIVE AND WORK HERE AND HAVE A STUDENT LOAN!

[the-council-of-new-york-vampires]

Can you please submit Adam's past!!! As well as some headcanons on him ;(

Out of Character:

Adam’s past is in the works… You see, I started some day in December and didn’t do so much work on it since. 😅 Technically, it’s finished, but it’s especially hard to edit, because it’s the longest one I’ve yet written, and I really do want it to be perfect. But don’t worry, I’ll def publish it. ☺️

Lemme start with my headcanons:

My biggest one: Adam is a psychopath. So, sometime ago, I asked people on their opinion on that topic and legit no one replied… Thanks for that, guys. 🙃😂 Anyway, I have been drowning myself in research for several weeks now, and I know that there’s a lot of misinformation about psychopathy online. Like, psychopaths have very little to do with Hollywood movies, and it’s not a mental illness but a neurological disorder. I differentiate between sociopaths and psychopaths as well, as in: Psychopaths are born, sociopaths are made, and they behave and think differently. I have been analyzing Adam’s behavior and scenes carefully and, as far as I’m concerned, he meets all the signs for psychopathy. I know it’s kind of a critical topic to discuss, but I’d love to analyze Adam’s behavior and thoughts and compare it to psychopathy, in a separate post. (I am not looking to insult or offend anyone with this, I just love giving interesting characters more depth and exploring their minds and ways of thinking, especially when it comes to villains.)

Fitting the above one, Adam was a con artist at some point. I always thought of this job he would be so good at, but never knew the name until I came across it during my psychopathy research. Con artist! That job is made for him. I headcanon, some day after being a politician as a human, he came to America and started working as, I don’t know the name, but those people who came to people’s houses and sold them bullshit. He didn’t do that for a long time, though, because I don’t think it makes good money and it has a low social standing. However, that’s how he slipped into the con artist job or how he calls it “working in the finance sector”. He did that for, I don’t know, ten years or more, before he decided he had made enough money with it. He wanted to get into poilitics again to satisfy his desire for power, and quit being a con artist, because it would have been too risky to do both at the same time. (I doubt he was ever caught, but conning people is obviously illegal.)

It was slightly hinted at by Adrian that, sometimes, Adam kills women after sleeping with them. I think when he was around Priya’s age, he did that very often. Just sought them out and killed them afterwards, because he liked the feeling of power and control it gave him. In the present, it is more likely that he has contacts for things like that, contacts he does not kill, because it would be a huge scandal, obviously. Still, he sees all people as objects, humans more so than vampires, and attractive young women primary as sex objects to use and discard, and he thinks it’s pathetic that they adore him and seek him out the way they do, that they ‘let’ him kill them. But of course, he pretends to be this super elegant gentleman. I do think he was taught to treat women with special respect, but, if you consider his actual personality, it’s highly unlikely that he keeps that mask on in the bedroom. He displays it in public, because most women love gentlemen, but, unless his lover needs to be manipulated by him or he wants something from her, he is totally different, degrading even, in the bedroom.

I think Adam is very vain to the point that he needs longer in the bathroom than some ladies. I think he has a personal barber, stylist, you name it, and they come over every morning. He loves his appearance and - sorry - I can definitely see him making out with a mirror. At least, whenever he walks by, he does admire the guy he sees. But how could you not? How could women not? At least, that’s what Adam thinks. And lemme judge: he’s damn right. Adam’s About 183 cm tall (I just know), he’s muscular, he has a nice haircut, a fancy beard, great taste in fashion… And those, lemme guess, thick 7 inches. 😌😏 Hehe.

Pretty sure that Adam has a wild, irresponsible streak in him that he must live out somehow. I mean, he dated Priya and as if she would ever date anyone boring. Adam loves partying, irresponsible sexual acts, the adrenaline when seeking thrills. Despite what people think, I can definitely see him as a reckless driver, especially when alone. This guy has no fears. He is similar to Kamilah in some ways, but that’s one where they differ: I think he can let go better than she can, he just needs the right circumstances, right people, right situations. He is a lot more likely to play Roulette and bet on black just for the hell of it. With Priya, he did many irresponsible things, thinking “I don’t care. I love it.” Icona Pop knows. 😉

As a mortal, Adam had a family and children. Considering the historical context, this is more than likely. People often say they can’t imagine him as a father, and in a way I agree: I think he was a very neglectful and absent father who had a lot more kids than he wanted (considering the fact that he wanted none 😂). Furthermore, he was a very disloyal husband, married more than once, got women pregnant who he wasn’t married to, banished them or forced them into an abortion (people knew there were ways to miscarry)… I’m guessing the probability for him to cheat in a relationship to be as high as 80%. I see no reason for him not to cheat, because he has no moral compass and he believes he can have anyone, deserving of as many lovers as he wants. However, if she would cheat, he would either be incredibly angry or totally careless. Anyway, if there is one person seeing a crying toddler and thinking “Damn, I’m glad my kids are dead”, it’s Adam.

Back to his roots: Adam grew up Catholic. This is not me saying religion makes people bad (I’m religious myself), but me saying he grew up at a time and in a country that was certainly Catholic. However, I highly doubt he ever believed in any religion, simply was raised into a strictly religious environment. In that way, he broke rules very early such as no lying or no touching yourself, and this is how he learned to be sneaky about it. This theory explains his name as well, as Adam was the first human created by God, and he was likely named after him, not as the first human in the world, but the first baby born to his parents, a noble couple. I’m very sure he grew up in a big family. However, he is only focused only on himself since… all the time.

Obviously, regarding sex, Adam has done almost everything there is to do. I think he is much more animalistic and pleasure-focused than people think, and he loves to break taboos the same way he breaks rules as he considers himself above them. Imagine anything nasty and I bet he has done it. Either with someone kinky like Priya or he just persuaded a ‘normal’ person into letting him try whatever ‘sick’ fantasy he had. Also, he loves group sex with, like, four women who cater to his needs. I tried to widen this headcanon a bit by bringing guys into it as well. While I think Adam is definitely heterosexual, I wouldn’t be surprised if anything happened between him and a man. I headcanon something like: He was at an orgy, drunk or whatever, centuries ago, doing his thing, and a guy just approached and gave him oral. Lol. And he let him do it, because why the hell not? Meanwhile, I find kissing a bit too intimate, but I can imagine he has done it, too, out of manipulation or because a guy just kissed him. With Priya, I headcanon he seduced young women, killed them… and they had fun with them, like… blood play and stuff…

I think Adam’s basic directive is “I don’t care”, regarding the other members of The Council as well. Of course, there are things he cares about deeply, like killing the Clanless or getting votes, but all of that serves no one but himself, the only person on Earth he actually cares about. You could give him any person’s name and ask if they shall live or die and he wouldn’t care at all what happens to them (unless that person’s existence is useful or bothering for him). Yeah, he has no conscience and he gives zero shits. His emotions are super limited. Like, when Gaius presented them his morbid plan, Adam was careless to the point that he had to observe the others’ reactions to be able to form and voice an opinion. He is calm by default and rarely gets angry (the anger he showed in several scenes was fake in order to appear believable).

Regarding lovers, Adam has a type. He likes young women (22-28), naive and ‘stupid’, women he can easily control, and he sees himself deserving of having all the pretty ones, like trophies or possessions. When someone doesn’t have the right age or look, he considers them not good enough for him and would find it pathetic if they asked him out. He doesn’t like independent women, he likes women he can make dependent on him. He always needs to be the superior one, financially as well as intellectually. All this explains why he never had and never ever will have a thing for Kamilah. She is everything he can’t control, can’t subject, and that’s why he respects her and can openly express a platonic liking for her. But deep inside, women like that threaten him and he wants to destroy them, because they are too smart to fall for him. And women (people) he can’t benefit from, who refuse to obey him, who he can’t manipulate, have no use to him. Regarding one night stands, which he had a lot more than gilfriends, he only targets very attractive women. He likes dark types, like himself, rather than blondes, and women who are particularly feminine. Long hair, long nails, dresses, high heels… I think that attracts him. And he loves asses. And Latinas. Sorry.

I think Adam has more than two faces. To the public, he is that super friendly, charming guy who wants the best for anyone. To The Council, he is that friendly guy who has drastic measures, but still puts a lot of importance on their team-spirit. Part of the mask is off, but he still presents himself as friendly and interested in the well-being of the public. Like, he greets the members happily and calls them his “friends”, but everyone does know they shouldn’t turn on him. (The Baron even said so.) When dating Priya, he showed a different face again. More of that easy-going guy, a great sport, overly protective of his ‘loved’ ones. He always alternates between “Hello, I am super friendly and chill, you can talk about anything with me” and “I am super dangerous and you better not fuck with me”. Then, in reality, he is a cold-hearted snake who cares about no one but himself. Now imagine him around his Clan. I think his mask slips off even further than it does when he’s with The Council, in a way that they might even fear him, because they know what he’s capable of. Or they admire him because he leaves the mask on, like the nerd in the train to the Ball does, who obviously has a crush on him? It is so different to assess Adam, because he is a great actor and he can legit be anyone. He can be the kind philantrophist you support, the sexy celebrity you admire, the relaxed guy who is your best friend, the intelligent Clan leader, the most caring boyfriend you have had, the most abusive boyfriend you have had… or the man who is actually planning to murder you.

[jq37]

I'll be the one that bites the bullet. Fantasy High episode 11--thoughts?

**spoilers for cool kids, cold case**

Hoo boy. 

That could be my entire write up honestly because, geez ya'll. 

Let's break it down. 

Sidenote, I just got mildly into Overwatch so every time I say that and I say it a fair amount, I hear Lucio in my head. 

Anyway, like I said in an earlier post, I'm now pretty sure that the bloodrush fight didn't go the way Brennan expected. Like either he didn't expect them to win or that they would win but not kill Daybreak because there was so much exposition and change and repositioning in this episode. It was a lot like the first session with all the setup. It's like he needed to get them on a new trajectory so he took an episode to time jump and change the status quo before--BAM. But we're getting to that.

In another show or even another episode of this show, the opening convo with Ragh might have been the wildest part of the ep. There’s just so much to unpack there.

Fig making him kowtow to Gorgug and everyone being like dude, stop making it weird. 

Before she did that, Emily paused and you could just see every other person looking like “What insane thing is gonna come out of her mouth now?”

Kristen getting the scoop on his super gay dreams. 

Adaine trying to get him to got to therapy (and also to realize that he's gay). 

The group whole ass making him cry for possibly the first time?

Fabian trying to shut everything down.

“You’re cumming from your eyes.”

 Kristen, please stop. I’m begging you. 

As I suspected, the group reached the point of yeah, we NEED to call Riz's mom this ep. Like, they *had* to call her. You can only realistically take shenanigans so far before it becomes straight unrealistic to not just call a responsible adult. 

And, speaking of, yay! We got to see a little of everyone’s parents just like I wanted/predicted. 

We actually got a lot of stuff from my wishlist. There’s so much time jumping and stuff in this episode I don’t even know where to start. 

This is probably the wrong place to start but I remember wondering what their Christmas equivalent was because they can’t have Christmas because of the Christ thing so when they were like Solstice I was like, oh duh. It’s literally right there. How could I miss it.

OK I guess 

Christmas Solstice party at Gorgug’s house! I knew his house would end up being the hang house.  

Sklonda handled the situation pretty close to how I thought she would. I really think Brennan was forced into a, “This adult is too responsible to not wipe out my next ten plot points over the course of a week,” corner and that’s why he had to pivot. More on that later.

Fabian just refusing to eat any of the fast food she got them.

I totally forgot Adaine has diplomatic immunity. Which actually means she’s the ideal Bad Kid to do anything shady they need done, even though that’s not really her style.

Unlike, other people

We’re getting there

I’m glad Brennan drew the line at Kristen’s parents actively being in a cult. He was like, OK no. They’re willfully ignorant but they’re not PART OF THE CULT.

I also think it’s interesting that they didn’t actually kick her out? Like they sorta kinda did but not really because it seems like she’s couch surfing of her own volition a little and staying home sometimes too? I wonder how her brothers are doing.

Both of Fig’s dads just work at her school now. I wonder is they commiserate about her w/ Goldenhoard.

I can’t believe Brennan is letting her just ruin the life of this random, full-adult dwarf doctor. Like, imagine if any adult in her life found out about that.

Brennan says bud a lot. Almost as much as he says rad.

Gorgug choosing playing the drums as his proficiency, but not well. Just, like, a simple drum beat. Bro. Why.

Adaine’s makeover!

I knew we were gonna get to see that. Or at least I really hoped we would.

And it was in boutique setting similar to what I imagined. A little surprised that she went straight for the jeans and t-shirt thing but dope. I want fan-art. 

Also, if I hadn’t already been convinced, that scene would have convinced me that Fabian got everyone the gifts (before it was confirmed later).

“You’d look nice as a sailor.” Is that like a pirate thing, bro?

Real talk, does Fabian for-real, for-real have a crush on Adaine low key?He’s complimented her looks more than once, which he hasn’t done with the other girls. They’re at a similar social class which might be a factor. And he clearly has a thing for blond elves.

WE’LL GET TO IT. 

I am Concerned about Adaine’s jean jacket, regardless of how dope it is.

Someone needs to talk to Fig about the rat thing. Possibly also Emily. 

42069 LANE (or whatever it was). I hate that I love Brennan for that.

“The worst thing about you is that you’re rich.”

But aww, Fabian. I’m glad it ended up being him (and shoutout to the anon who pointed that out to me). This is exactly the character growth I wanted from him.

When Gorthalax said that tryouts had already happened, I was legit upset for Fabian for a sec. Also, how did I know Gorgug was gonna somehow end up on the bloodrush team?

Guys I feel like there’s still a million more things to talk about.

Adaine finding out about Riz’s dad. God I hope there’s a heart to heart soon but she won’t just drop that info unless she has a really good reason.

GILEAR. I can’t believe that was him on a NAT 20. God, he has zero game. Also, imagine Fig and Riz as siblings. Lord.

The return of Tracker. I was concerned that she was in college but she’s like a Sophomore so Kristen is good to go as soon as she stops being a total disaster so actually that’s probably a moot point. 

Sidenote, kinda surprised that she’s a cleric. I thought she was off religion totally but I guess she just switched. But I feel like it’s hard to be totally non-religious in a world where gods 100% for sure exist?

Adaine going, “Mrs. Gukgak. Actually Captain Gukgak,” to her racist-ass dad gave me life. 

OK so re: the whole conversation about perditional contradoxy and treaties and war and such. How much of that was in the plan and how much of that was last minute retooling by Brennan? Because, I’m going to be honest. If it wasn’t for that comment by Siobhan, I would never have guessed that we were off the rails. But, with that in mind, this feels like the work of a GM who needs to keep the game going because things ended up moving too quickly.

It does answer the question of where the story is going now that the Harvestmen seem to be taken care of. I was a little surprised when Brennan was like, “Yeah Riz’s mom gets them all arrested,” because I’d assumed that the bad guy was going to be just the higher guy on the totem pole. 

OK, I’m sure I’m missing some things because this was a JAM PACKED ep so, if I missed something you wanted my thoughts on, please tell me and I’ll be super happy to write more words but let’s get into that scene. 

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OK OK OK

Before we start, I’m so pumped about all of this development but I hate how often I’m going to have to type the word Eolwyn because my fingers refuse to accept that that’s how that’s spelled.

ANYWAY

Dude, the pacing, switching between Adaine and home and the rest of the gang at the party. Like, I knew what the reveal had to be as soon as she walked in but I was still like, “Oh my God. Oh my GOD.”

Sidenote: It was very convenient for Brennan that Adaine never actually read those books because it was an easy and non-cheating way to dole out exposition now, later in the game.

What were the mechanics of Adaine not being invited to that party? Did Eolwyn specifically get her not invited? Did she actually get invited but couldn’t go because of the dinner at home? Did all her friends still decide to go, knowing she wasn’t invited? Was she OK with that? How exactly did that go down?

EOLWYN

BUSTING into that party

Magicking up a bunch of LOVE SLAVE PUPPETS

SNORTING magic coke

Playing Spin the Bottle DEATH ROULETTE 

MAKING OUT WITH FABIAN

CUT TO: I’M GOING TO KILL MY SISTER

DAMN BRENNAN, I did NOT Expect you to go THAT hard.

AND THEN IT KEPT GOING

Assuming they all live, I can’t WAIT for the, “YOU KISSED MY SISTER????” conversation. 

Which means they’ve either never met Eolwyn or only in passing and not enough to remember her. 

Shoutout to Riz for being the only person to give Adaine a heads up. 

Her eyes glow blue when she does certain types of magic so I’m just picturing her walking into that room, eyes blazing blue, ready to F up her sister (even BEFORE she finds out what’s going on).

I don’t remember if she called Eolwyn a c**t in this ep or the promo for next but I was like, “Oh damn.” Like you got her to escalate her cursing that much that quickly? Damn.

Also, I love that when she’s really upset, Adaine skips the magic and just starts hitting people. 

OK, so remember in the first ep when Eolwyn tried to have Adaine steal that book? The book that I’m pretty sure is the one they mentioned as having wards on it to keep monster stuff from happening at school? So, here’s what I want to know. Has Eolwyn always been a part of this? Because, clearly, it looks like she is right now. But it’s possible the original intent was that she wanted to get Adaine to do it as a prank, not knowing it was important and then, Brennan checked his notes while salvaging the plot and decided to work it in.  

Also, unlikely, but imagine if Eolwyn somehow induced Adaine’s panic attack during her entrance exam to Hudol specifically so she would fail, have to go to Augefort, and steal the book for her. Wouldn’t that be wild?

Idek what else to say about that last ten minutes or so that isn’t just incoherent, Ally-esque screeching.

I have to say, battle eps are never my faves but I’m looking forward to this one more than any other one so far. 

Man, I can’t believe I thought Eolwyn asking for that textbook might turn into a sister bonding moment. Lol @ past me.

Anyway, kick her ass Adaine!

[ppgxrrblove]

Goodbye Tittie NSFW Bloggers

I'm still laughing irl..I'm in tears, I'm laughing cause of the damn funny memes and posts y'all be making x"D I can't take this serious anymore. I just searched up goodbye Tumblr and all I saw was people leaving so freaking quick like damn, lol, some people complaining about Tumblr bots acting dumb on reporting they're posts on being "sensative" or "sexual" when it legit wasn't to be honest they were all funny shit or just art that was cute, and good. But the one thing that got me in tears was the entire Yuri on Ice posts was all taken down by Tumblr bots..😂😂!! Yoo that shit had me in tears LMFAO..freaking poor gay anime. Like dang I thought Tumblr loved LGBT people!! Than I saw bubbline being flagged as well 😂! Ahh I can't..I'm laughing too hard. None of it was breaking the rules!! Funny thing! You guys can ACTUALLY get your posts back, you just have to click the review button and tell Tumblr you reported the wrong post. And it will get back up, it's what happen to me allot of times on some posts that wasn't even anything. So it isn't a big deal rather an old thing that BEEN happens to people but y'all make it seem like it's something new, and it's the end of times. Can y'all calm the heck down?? It's the bots fault, even people who were aware of these bots STATED on a post that y'all should've seen since it got a crap load of attention, that the bots will be flagging posts that AREN'T breaking the rules at all, it's not y'all fault it's what the post has it's in the coding, someone on here was talking about this. Apparently the posts that people make have these specific coding right? Well the bots go for the codings that are actually the correct ones that ARE breaking the Tumblr rules. But! Since there is SO much of fucking posts on here, it's mixed. So from my point of view if a Tumblr bot flags your post, it's not your fault it's the bot that's confused because of the coding. So it's the bots fault on this. Which isn't a great thing, feel bad cause people who aren't doing anything at all are just getting they're posts being taken down

Which I don't like because it's gonna be annoying to review it IF your blog constantly keeps getting flagged by those bots. Meaning if your posts are flagged every second,minute and or day. That can get fucking annoying which I can understand UNLESS you reblogged legit porn or nsfw that must be the reason why it's taking it down BUT like I stated before it's the bots issue. So if you get flagged only once or a few not exaggerating much than your okay. You either make them notice, which is helping the bots know that this isn't a bad post! It's a good one! Just make it review and it I'm 100% sure your posts will come back since its harmless. That IS if you guys do want to help these bots out by telling them 'hey! this post isnt breaking such, and such please review it!' I don't think you gotta type it down so yeah lol.

But yeah..everyone really needs to calm down and just basically think correctly about what they're doing instead of acting out of drama and etc. Relax people. If Tumblr shuts down than like SOME people have been doing, having there other social medias with their Tumblr posts on there or just telling people to follow them on there encase of anything. Which I know for a fact people still do, so if you have to result to that method than do so.

Which I shall NOT be doing. For one thing, Tumblr isn't that important to me, the the one thing that made it important to me was EVERYONE that I've met, seen their art, loved the funny memes, and finally enjoyed they're shitty, awesome, fun to be around with posts and company. So if y'all leave it was nice meeting you all, have a wonderful lifestyle wherever you go, take it easy, stay safe, healthy, and god bless you all. I may or may not save some posts?? Who knows.

Finale note; those who've known about Tumblr being trash, but still staying even though it can get annoying, thanks for putting up with it for this long but that's if you leave now of course. I'm still gonna go.

[mudskip-muses]

εїз (All your muses)

Send “εїз” to hear a Headcanon the Mun hasn’t been able to organically implement into the blog yet (X)

k this is under a cut cause shit i got a lot of muses lmao

Hawkeye: lucky has been trained as a hearing assist dog, i know its on his character page but like. i havnt really gotten to use it much and the good boy deserve to be acknowledged for all he does for clint lol

Boone: boone is so fucking touched starved like yes we all know this its practically canon but like. the first time this man receives a hug from anyone he breaks because lets be real he hasnt hugged anyone since his wife

Deacon: god the trauma around his lying and the fact that he forgets what hes lied about. he genuinely cannot remember what he does and does not like anymore or even events that have actually happened or ones hes made up, everything is too tangled up in his head, legit someone get this man a journal or something he needs help

Mondo: he eventually takes up little creative hobbies like knitting and stuff!! he makes little sweaters for whenever he gets a dog (which better be a service dog i stg im literally begging someone to get this man some help) and his friends get little things too but only taka knows he makes them himself instead of buying them like he says <3

Gundham: the languages this man can speak!! asl is good for training animals, and is obviously necessary for ones that are deaf, but he knows a little bit of so many languages for the same reasons!! he rescues so many animals that he feels need him so its only natural that not all of them are able to understand him because they were trained under something different. he knows a bit of french and spanish (mostly only because those are the most common where i live and its easier for my brain) and can give basic commands and such in them!! hes so big brained!!! he deserves to be acknowledged for this!! and his big heart!!!! he does so fucking much for his animals and i love him for it

Kaz: the reason why he never locks his doors is because his parents would get pissed they couldnt go in his room and such and would accuse him of hiding things from them. if his bedroom door was locked, it got kicked down no questions asked. hes had things stolen from his shop and his room because he just. cant lock his doors, theres a mental block there he just cant do it. someone needs to tell him hes allowed to have privacy i stg no one is going to break his door down or anything unless he Dying on the other side

Fuyuhiko: remember when i made a post once that kaz gave him a little bright pink water pistol as a joke and he still has it? yeah i really want him to scare the shit outta someone with it before squirting them with water like. i want him to have fun!! he deserves fun!!!!!

Asahi: he has. so much weird shit in his room like hes into weird and creepy dead things hes not all pure and cute and soft sunshine. he can tell you every stage of every poison ever as it kills someone. he can tell you how to hide a body. he as skulls in his room. actual fucking animals skulls and one that even looks human ????? no one knows where he gets them from but his room is the home of nightmares. also birds. so many fucking birds

Charlotte: her prosthetic!! shes missing part of her leg from like the mid thigh, and its a really high end thing one of her dads built but its not perfect and i really wanna write her dealing with it breaking down or phantom pains and such!!

Oliver: he may look hecking tiny but holy shit can he eat. no one knows where it all goes but he may even be able to give akane a run for her money, just maybe not as fast as she can mow through food

Garrus: he eventually learns to paint!! please let him have hobbies outside of the war and calibrating oh my god. tali and/or shepard gives him one of those paint by numbers meant for little kids and he loves it!! he loves it so much!!!!! he has trouble holding a paint brush but still!!!!!

Teddy: he can dance!! swing dancing is his favorite please someone take him dancing hed have so much fun!!

Mordecai: oh the ptsd this man fucking has. hes lost so much, almost died a couple times, was an alcoholic, recovered, is probably more scars then person, literally jumped from 'friends' to 'married with a kid' with brick like. hes been through so goddamn much its gotta leave some scars that no amount of shooting shit and new fancy guns can help

[raymookie]

My life in Japan...so far.

“Are you Chinese?” I was asked this question by a preschooler last month. She then began reciting her mother’s license plate number as another kid played in my hair. Later that day, I went for a run, and as I passed by the park I noticed a baseball team having practice. Everyone started screaming, “Raymon-sensei! Hellooo!”. Celeb status or nahh?? This has been my life so far in a nutshell.

Recently, it dawned on me that this is the first time I am living alone. It is also my first full time job and it’s incredible. Granted it’s only been a few months, I don’t mind it at all. The adults in my life never highlighted the joys of growing old. Independence, freedom, a salary… So now that I’m rich, I go shopping every weekend at chic boutiques in Tokyo. The more expensive things are, the more I desire them actually. Here is a list of things I’ve bought so far with my rich ass:

Richie Rich’s shopping list

New drawers, laundry detergent, rubber gloves, various cleaning products, dishware, bed + sheets and blanket, orthopedic pillow, towels, thermals, broom, heater, student loan payments, credit card payments...

Not what you expected is it. Granted you have to handle business as an adult, the joys of being free far exceed the tediousness of dealing with responsibilities. Earning a decent living wage has also been nice.  

at the wine festival a couple of weeks ago. I didn’t understand what was going on but it looked cool.

shake shake potato killing the game. He had been talking about the school festival all year because he was so excited to perform.

My first month of school

I don’t even know where to begin, honestly. The kids here have made this experience what it is. They’re the reason for all of this after all. They call me Raymon-sensei, a title I don’t feel like I deserve but I’ve accepted it. Teachers used to be like gods in Japan but there has been a decline in the level of respect given to them (likewise in the U.S. in my opinion). However, they are still highly respected here compared to the U.S. We could learn a thing or two from Japan in this regard.

They begin class with a greeting. One kid gets up and walks to the front of class then says:

1. Tachimashou - Stand up

2. Kiwotsuke - Fix your posture

3. Korekara eigo no jugyou wo hijimemasu - Let’s start English class

4. Onegaishimasu - Please do me this favor

The first time it happened I was like “What the the hell...?” because the kid shouted it, haha. And the rest of the class stood at full attention. Imagine a 7 year old yelling “Stand!...Fix your posture!...” and the rest of the class actually snapping at attention, taking him seriously and following directions.  It was so militaristic I thought they all might drop down and do 20 push-ups. It was very impressive to see a group of first graders doing this and with such confidence and authority. Yes, the kids are adorable...all of them. Even the bad ones. Because compared to some of the kids I’ve worked with in the U.S., they’d still be considered good.

A lot of people in Japan know some English but they are so afraid of making mistakes they refuse to speak. This a big problem at the Jr. High I’m working at. I’ve been brainstorming solutions to how to fix this. The more I learn Japanese, they more open up to me and get more comfortable speaking English with me. That has worked the best so far but I can’t imagine they’d maintain that confidence level with strangers. There are several kids who love speaking to me who are probably ENFPs just like me. I am thankful to them because sometimes it can be frustrating trying to teach English to kids who don’t see the use in it and who are too shy to speak. The days I work at the elementary schools school (Tuesdays and Thursdays) are actually enjoyable though. The elementary school kids are very responsive and try to communicate with me in and outside of the classroom. They teach me words in Japanese and I teach them words in English. Also, I just began bringing my ukulele to class too and we’ve been jammin and learning English at the same time. It’s hella kawaii (cute).

School festival shenanigans. Can you tell what’s going on?

Recently I started cleaning the school with the students and I’ve grown a lot closer with them since. It’s not required that I clean with them but the other teachers do and every student has to. I read on someone’s blog that once they began cleaning with the students their relationship with them instantly improved. It’s actually worked! Along with learning Japanese, this has helped me tremendously. They’re on very strict schedules so this (and lunch time) is the only time I really get to interact with them outside of class. I find that I actually clean my apartment more now which is cool.

Every Monday I play ukulele and sing with a student named Karen. She has down-syndrome but she is still very functional and participates in most activities at the Jr. High. We are practicing the ABCs right now! A couple of weeks ago we quizzed her on the alphabet. I would sing out different letters and she had to point to which one I was saying. It was too much for my soul yall… Keep at it Karen!

the women of Kawakami Jr. High. 

class jump rope contest at the school festival.

student presentations at the school festival.

My ride or die, Shiho-sensei

I have a mom in every country I’ve lived in and Japan is no exception. I promise you I don’t plan it, it just happens. There is my actual mom, Sabrina, my best friend’s mom, Michelle, Alejandra in Argentina, Martinha in Brazil, and now Shiho in Japan. I just vibe with moms, I don’t know why. Maybe it’s my cheeks. And then once they find out I like to eat they can’t resist their motherly urges to care for me. None of them can replace my mom though obviously but I love them love them yes I do! Shiho is my mom in Japan. She is a badass and we both like to break the rules a little so we have that in common :P I say this because she broke Japanese tradition and married a foreigner, haha. She was twenty-one and studying abroad in Australia when she met her husband to be. He is a finance professor at a university and for more than twenty years she was working at the Japanese consulate in Australia. She’s lived in Brisbane, Australia for 30 years so she has a slight Australian accent. It’s also kind of Japanese. Either way, it’s very cute. She’s also a little fashionista like my actual mom. Yesterday she basically told me how she would always swag out in Australia but she can’t stunt on these hoes in our town because everyone dresses so casually here. I mean...that’s what she wanted to say but she’s so polite, lol. She’s been in Kawakami for the past seven years taking care of her mom and she misses her family. Her husband is visiting right now so it’s nice to see her happy. He’s leaving tomorrow and I just convinced our boss to let her leave early. She was going to stay after work to help some students with their speeches! I was like noooo Shiho-sensei, not today. Go home to yo man. This was very small in comparison to all the things she does for me - takes me shopping, lots of translation, gives me a ride to work, etc. but I’m finding more and more ways I’m able to help out. We got each others backs. Love you Shiho-sensei!

Black in Japan

I want to make it clear that I am living in a village of about 3900 people, it is one of the richest villages in Japan, and I am as happy go lucky as they come. Take into consideration the different factors that may be at play i.e. gender, location; and don’t make generalizations about every black person’s experience in Japan. There is an opinion section in the Japan Times titled Black Eye which I have found very helpful in understanding my experience as an African-American in Japan.

I absolutely love it here. Japanese people are so respectable & kind. There are many critiques to be made about Japanese culture but I don’t wish to highlight them right now. The good certainly outweighs the bad though. My only wish is that I had spoke Japanese before coming to Japan. I think it would be impossible to live here without speaking the language unless you have a translator. There aren’t many fluent English speakers in Japan, let alone in the countryside, so it can be quite difficult to make friends. But from my experience, if they see that you are trying they will meet you halfway! There have been so many people I’ve met who I thought were indifferent or simply uninterested in me until I said something to them in Japanese. Their faces lit up when they realized I was trying. Our conversations are like a potluck - they bring their bit of English and I bring my bit of Japanese and WHAM. Friendship. I’m cheesy, I know, but that’s really how it’s been.

Most people here are absolutely fascinated by black people. I don’t usually mind the attention but sometimes I just want to blend in. Most all of my interactions with Japanese people are positive but there have been a couple of times where I felt uncomfortable. Once was with a group of high school girls who pretended to get scared when they saw me, but their was a ringleader and I could tell the other girls were just following her. She was rotten though. But there have been a few times when I turned a corner and actually scared people though so maybe her shock was legit. The second time was with a student's mom at the grocery store who kept saying “interesting” and “funny” in Japanese. Usually those comments wouldn’t bother me but the way she said it and how she was staring at me, like I was some rare pokemon. But thinking back on the few times I’ve seen them at the grocery store, she might have been flirting. Her daugher also gives me the eyes all the time! Have you ever had to avoid a Jr. High school girl? Talk about awkward...No, no, no cougar and cub. Not today or ever…

“Are you Chinese?” “Do you have a perm?” “Do you have any treasure?” “Why do you want to be a teacher?” “Raymon-sensei you are handsome like me”

These are some questions and comments I’ve received from the kids here, lol. Many laughs to be had every day.  

My interactions with the elementary kids are by far the best. The most notable experience was when I visited the preschool & kindergarten with Shiho-sensei. In each class we visited, the kids froze. They had no idea who or what I was, what I was doing there, or what they should do. We walked past a preschool class that had just begun eating lunch. I said, “Helloooo” in a big voice like I do at every school I visit. “Haroo...”, they began in unison, their heads turning slowly until they froze in shock. Their spoons hung mid air and their eyes widened. It was like a scene from a movie, I swear! I laughed so hard. One girl got up and ran to her teacher in the back of the class. Moments like these I have to fight the urge to start screaming and acting like a monster like I’d do with my nephews but I don’t want to traumatize these kids.

I am the first American many of them have ever met, and certainly the first black person. It only takes one brave kid to give me a high five to put the rest of them at ease, or If they see me interacting with their teacher they realize I’m OK. After that, they want to hold my hand, touch my hair, ask a million questions, gesture for me to pick them up, haha. Just fascinated kids! The best part about Japan is that most people have this childlike curiosity about foreigners. Well, some foreigners. I can only speak on behalf of black people. I know some Asians from different countries have very different experiences.. I think Japanese people may have some expectations of me because of my nationality but not because of myrace. They ask me about cheeseburgers & baseball. “American” stuff. I know in bigger cities like Tokyo and Yokohama it is different because there are more black people there from around the world. Because of their various interactions with black people living there, they may have developed certain stereotypes. Last weekend I was in Tokyo this group of Japanese guys came up to me asking if I had any weed. They didn’t go up to the group of Japanese people who were close by which makes me wonder what stereotypes exist in metropolitan areas. Something like this would never happen in a small town in Japan, I am certain. My first reaction was obviously, “What the hell? Because I’m black?” I had to check myself though because I was sitting on a curb outside of a club in a section of Tokyo known for it’s nightlife. I don’t know what goes on there. Maybe the Jamaicans are giving us a bad rep :P haha, jk. RASTA MAAAAHHNN.

Shibuya, Tokyo.

Once while in the gym I noticed a group of guys enter. There are only a handful of us in my village who workout regularly so any newcomers stick out. I’m a local, ayyyyeeeee. At this point, I just expect everyone to gawk at me. The only people who pay me no mind are older Japanese people oddly enough. They mind their own business, clearly, haha. The newcomers stared as I expected. They were not dressed to work out so I assumed that one of them maybe saw me and told his friends to come along and take a look at the gaijin (foreigner). They watched me warm down and stretch for 15 minutes. I finished my workout and I left. One of them left right after me so I slowed down giving him the chance to address me if he had the courage. It took him until we reached the bottom of the stairs to finally try and flag me down. He said something in Japanese I didn’t understand. He tried using gestures to ask me for a photo. I already knew what he wanted before he asked, haha. His friends soon came downstairs. Apparently they were trailing close behind.

I have decided that I don’t mind if people want to take a photo as long as they want to be in the photo with me. If they just want a photo of me I’m not having it...I’m not a monkey in a zoo. This has only happened a couple of times, like below in the next picture. People usually want to take a photo with me and they always tell me how cool I am, haha. I am not bragging or making this up, just trying to describe my experience as accurately as possible. “You are very cool!” “You are nice guy!” I’ve heard these two phrases so many times. I take meeting new people very seriously because I am often the first African-American they are meeting. I mean I’m still myself - a clown - but I’m always conscious that I am probably the first black person they’re meeting ever. I don’t want to damage what could be a newfound interest in another culture. After we took the picture, they were grinning like kids in a candy shop. They were pointing at my muscles and wanting to shake my hand. “Dekaaaaa!” (big, or big as hell depending on how they say it) haha. I hear this and “Ooookii” (also meaning big) very often. They were so happy I couldn’t help but smile.

this woman thought she was slick. I caught her recording us so I started taking pictures of her. She got all awkward afterwards, haha. 

In Japan, people acknowledge my humanity before considering the color of my skin. This is most apparent at the grocery store in my town (our social hub). There are a lot of migrant workers here from all over Asia working on the farms. They stare in awe every time they see me and I’ve been here for a few months now. The Japanese people here hardly pay me any mind unless we are interacting with each other. (Reminder, take into consideration the different factors that might be in play. This is specifically in regards to my village and the people here). It is so refreshing and it absolutely astounds me that most people have lived their entire lives being acknowledged this way: as a human first; as an equal. I am constantly reminded of the “uniqueness” of the African-American experience. I feel like I’m being restored which seems strange to say, but I would have to devote an entire different blog post to elaborate on this.

I would venture to say that Japanese people are not racist towards African-Americans, they are simply unaware of who we are. I have been reading a lot of articles from other African-Americans in Japan to better understand my experience. Most of us are saying the same thing more or less from what I’ve read. We don’t feel discriminated against by Japanese people & almost any interaction which could be perceived as hostile or negative could be explained by their ignorance of who we are. I’ve noticed that it is only in the bigger cities where they have had more interaction with foreigners that people may be stereotyped. Japan is no exception when it comes to American media consumption but it consumes far less than the rest of the world. Japan is it’s own country. However, the aspects of American culture that Japan consumes is shaped by black culture in the United States which is why I think it is important that Japanese people learn a thing or two about black culture. Music, dance, and fashion predominately are all areas heavily influenced by black culture. We just had our first school festival at Kawakami Jr. High and the kids were dressed in hoodies, baggie pants, nikes, and doing the nae-nae. A lot of Japanese people don’t see the need in learning about different cultures since they have everything they need in Japan and often don’t plan to leave, but Japanese culture is still influenced by outside entities and knowing more about the world around them can only help.

This is only my opinion based on the few months that I have been in Japan. My favorite part about being here oddly enough is that most people don’t know anything about black Americans. It is a lot better than being stereotyped, believe me. This statement is based off of the questions they ask and don’t ask & the comments they make and don’t make. Very few people have asked me if I play basketball. Instead, I’ve been asked what sports I like. No one has asked me if I like rap or hip-hop. Instead, I’ve been asked what music I like. No one has ever followed me in a store, questioned me when I lost a train ticket or receipt, or talked down to me (from my knowledge). They actually have really high expectations for me. I have grown so much in the few months I’ve been here and I am extremely appreciative of the people in my town who have supported me during this time. They’ve went above and beyond to make sure I’m comfortable here. I lowkey feel like the stars have aligned for me on this leg of my journey. I have never felt this comfortable, creative, and inspired by the world around me. With that being said, this has also been the most difficult cultural transition I have ever experienced. So many miscommunications, bouts of loneliness, and difficulties with language acquisition. These last few months have had many extremes but because of my past experiences I am confident that it will only get better. Patience is a virtue.

Over and out,

Raymookie Banzo

Helen is a real one. She took me to get pancakes, to a wine festival, and then to Tokyo. Byyyyeeeeeeee

The vice-principal at my Jr. High. He is my dad in Kawakami. No but forreal he’s the realest. He helps me with so much stuff although he’s the busiest person at our school. I really look up to this guy. Thank you for everything Kitazawa-sensei! And the two awkard munchkins on the side. The awkward Jr. High phase is x2 in Japan, lol. 

Yamanashi Prefecture. 

Go karts in Tokyo! Next time it’s going down.

BLACK PEOPLE MAKING RIBS IN JAPAN! Yall...I was so happy. 

Helen thought she was a photographer, lol. This was fresh thooo. 

[cupcakeshakesnake]

Watching The Trial for the first time

SPOILERS!!

Okay I’ve never done this before, but I don’t think you’d be happy if you had to scroll through a post full of spoilers to get to the bottom of your Dashboard, so I’ll put the reactions below the cut.

(I watched it on YouTube btw.)

(I also put screenshots of, like, almost every single scene, so, extra beware I guess.)

-I have been freaking out for literally a week for this.

-Starting with a scene from the promo...

Ah, the ultimate punishment. Loneliness.

-Aquamarine: “My Diamonds I have captured Rose Quartz”  BD: “Finally, for so long I’ve been waiting for my revenge on that little sh--”  YD: “Lol ok just chuck her in a vault”

NEW GEM!!

-SHE’S A ZIRCON!!

-I love her voice!!

-Where’s her gem though... is it the thing on her neck?

*insert tfw meme here*

-Annnd scene from promo again

Sooo I’m assuming it’s a triangle because of the current Diamond Insignia...

-That means it would’ve been a diamond if Pink Diamond was still around.

what a smug lil green sh-t

-Are Zircons all lawyers? Is Zircon the Gem equivalent of lawyers?

-Man, Blue Zircon must be having a crappy day, having to defend an intergalactic criminal that the entirety of Homeworld’s (probably) been hating for the past few millennia.

WHAT HAPPENED TO YELLOW PEARL’S VOICE

-It sounds like it got an octave higher with twice the voice crack

-”aLL RISE FOR THE LIRLMADTDASDFGASY YelLOW DiAmOND”

-Is Yellow Pearl going through puberty

-BLUE PEARL TALKED

-(Did she talk before? I forgot.)

-She’s so quiet

THE GIANT SPACE LADIES ARE TELEPORTING

oOOHHHHHHHHHH

-THE PART THAT DROVE TUMBLR CRAZY

-SERIOUSLY GUYS MY DASH’S BEEN FLOODING WITH BELLOW FUCKIN DIAMOND BECAUSE OF THAT PROMO

-Little question: Why do their attire keep changing?  In Message received, YD had the long coat thing around her waist and her chest pattern looked like the above, then in That Will Be All, she was missing the coat thing and her chest part was split four ways.  Blue Diamond sometimes wears a hood and sometimes doesn’t.  Do they just shapeshift that often, or are those actual clothes that modify their appearance without shapeshifting? Is Yellow Diamond’s coat thing actually her coat thing?

-If that’s the case that would be a whole lotta fabric.

What’s YD’s hand shape

That moment when a Homeworld Gem sees Steven and thinks “wtf rose quartz”

Blue Diamond didn’t move her lips while talking here??

-Also, I was on the side of hoping that YD’s head thing was her hair, but it looks so much like a helmet by now that I may have to change my opinion.

-Ohhh there’s the quote from the promo

-I’m not sure if it was an animation error, or if BD was talking out of the other side of her mouth (invisible to us), or if Diamonds (or just Gems in general) can talk without moving their lips.

-So I’m guessing the Homeworld trial is meant for very serious cases, and the Diamonds are the judges? No jury or audience? Just the lawyer, the accused and the judge(s)?

their fucking chairs can teleport

OMFG BLUE PEARL DOODLING IS THE BEST THING EVER

-Unless that’s the Homeworld way of recording things

-The lines are so angular, it reminds me of when my tablet pen glitches out and draws a pentagon where I meant to draw a circle

She could have gone on with every single adjective in the dictionary  for hours and I would’ve watched that

Yellow Diamond don’t got time for yo shit

-Yellow Pearl looks so done

So the “Rose Quartz committed a crime” bit was said by Green Zircon. I thought it was Blue Zircon when I heard it in the promo.

-Tbh I think gems of the same kind sound similar except for the Diamonds, and anyway I’m pretty sure it’s the same voice actor

FUCKIN AGAIN, SHE SAID ‘WHY’ BUT DIDN’T MOVE HER LIPS

-AT LEAST FINISH YOUR GODDAMN SENTENCE BEFORE YOU START GOING ALL VENTRILOQUIST ON ME

-”Exhibit A”  Why do you use the human alphabet you smug rocky shits, if y’all are all so proud of yourselves at least make your own goddamn language

-LARS?!?!?!

pfft

-”WHO ARE THOSE HUGE - GIANT - LADIES?!”

-”Humans are loud, absolutely hideous creatures that serve no purpose whatsoever.”  It may be so but we can make a necklace out of you

At every trial, the accused just kind of... sits... in a triangular ditch on the floor?

-Poor Steven, he’s a kid, maybe teen by human age but he’s still mostly a kid, why does he have to go through this

-STOP THAT VENTRILOQUIST SHIT, GREEN ZIRCON

*dramatic sound effect* *rolls eye*

EYEBALL RUBY IS THE WITNESS

-THAT WAS BACK IN SEASON THREE

-HOLY FUCK

-Eyeball Ruby... ‘eye’ witness... heh.

-THE SMALL RED RAGE CHILD IS HERE

-Like, I’m sure this trial is super serious for everyone in there, but I just can’t help laughing at how overly dramatic they are

-And here I thought I’d be crying

Eyeball: “s o o n...” *disappears into the corner*

-”Ugh, she’s good.”

the smug secretary

Are you seriously telling me that doodling with polygons is a legit way of recording things in Homeworld

-”Well, I’m convinced. Time to execute!”  “Not yet.”  Inside YD’s head: hello darkness my old friend, i haven’t got time for this shit, just let this be over...

-Shiiiit I feel so sorry for Blue Zircon

-Yellow Diamond gives exactly 0 fucks

Are their projected oval things hard light w/ weight as well?

Even Steven looks done

“Your mind tricks won’t work on me, Jedi!”

zoOOOOOP

-Someone make a YTP where the pod thing rockets into the air and throws Steven off into the abyss of nothingnes

I’m very very worried for Steven’s safety.

-The Diamonds hate him, Homeworld hates him, he could fall of that platform, one of the Diamonds could literally squish him... the possibilities are endless and he is pretty much doomed

-let him get away please

-And again, I swear Yellow Pearl’s voice got even more nasally than before

-Steven! Your name is Steven! YOU’RE NOT ROSE QUARTZ! YOU’RE STEVEN! *cries in the corner*

“holy shit this is real??”

-Yellow Diamond finally gave a fuck

But I think Blue Diamond’s fucks-given count went down a little

Smug green shit.

-Also Gems either have truly outrageous hair or a strange sense of passion

OH SHIT

-okay, this is a tight spot because LITERALLY NO ONE IN OR OUTSIDE THE SHOW KNOW HOW PINK DIAMOND WAS SHATTERED EXCEPT THE ORIGINAL CRYSTAL GEMS, A FEW HOMEWORLD WITNESSES AND THE CREWNIVERSE (probably)

-I DON’T KNOW and yes thank you BD I was curious about that too, although not quite as angry

-BUT STEVEN DOESN’T KNOW

-HE CAN’T ANSWER??

-I HAVE THE VIDEO ON PAUSE RIGHT NOW BECAUSE SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT

-GOD STEVEN NO

-THIS IS GOING DOWNHILL

Freaking Blue Zircon

And Yellow Pearl

-BUT SERIOUSLY I’D RATHER YOU TRIED TO EXPLAIN YOUR SON-MOM THING THAN THIS

-GOD NO PLEASE

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

-I SHOULDN’T HAVE STARTED WATCHING THIS IN THE LIBRARY. I WANT TO LAUGH REALLY HARD BUT I CAN’T. AND I CAN’T STOP WATCHING.

-”IT WAS A SWORD!”

HOLY FUCK CHILL

-FIRST TIME WE HEARD HER RAISE HER VOICE

-DID BD WITNESS IT

-DID SHE TRY TO CONFIRM STEVEN’S IDENTITY WITH THAT QUESTION

-WHAT THE FUCK

I love how YD’s just sitting there like “yep, this again.”

o shit Blue Diamond has onion powers

-THE ONION FAMILY IS RELATED TO HOMEWORLD!!1!

best face 10/10

See?! You can draw with curves!!

Okay?

-Maybe her powers are related to emotion??

-Or this just happens with Diamonds???

“You... shattered.. her... with a sword...”

-oh god

-OKAY I CALLED IT, I WAS GONNA CRY AFTER ALL

-(ON THE INSIDE)

-Recess time!! Yay!

-”Don’t tumble my rocks!”

-oooOHHHH we’re getting on to something here

-HER PALANQUIN TELEPORTS. WHAT NEXT, HER HOODIE?

fuckin’ Ace Attorney shit goin’ down

Something went wrong with the frame here; Blue Zircon seems to have teleported as well as the screen lurching and the whole ventriloquist stuff again.

-Okay, maybe the episodes were produced in a hurry, or maybe it’s just that the guy who uploaded this on Youtube had some minor glitches in the process.

-”The question no one’s been asking is, ‘how?’”  “I’ve been asking that question.”

It’s like they’re having a dramatic argument at dinner

-But didn’t Rose Quartz like run off, start the rebellion and THEN shatter PD?

-Dunno Blue Zircon, I mean you’ve got some logic there, PD is probably too big for one Rose Quartz anyway, if you don’t mind fan theories do suggest that it was a fusion of all the main Crystal Gems.

-BLUE ZIRCON’S ON A ROLL

-I mean, the aforementioned giant fusion might’ve swept through all her soldiers, but if that was the case there’d be no eyewitnesses left??

-THANK YOU FOR BRINGING THAT UP, WTF HAPPENED TO PINK’S PEARL

S I L E N T  G A S P

-”They saw the whole thing!”  YES I GET THAT YELLOW DIAMOND BUT WERE THEY JUST SPECTATING AND WHERE ARE THEY NOW

-Yellow Diamond’s reactions are interesting. She either knows something they don’t or really hates this trial with all her being.

-Eyeball Ruby said she witnessed it??

le gasp intensifies

-mmmMMM THAT FISHY FISHY SMELL MMM

-”Wouldn’t her Pearl have cried out in alarm? *opera mode activate* wAAAAATCH OOOOUUUUT MYEIEIEIYYYYYYY DIAAAAMOOOONNNNDDDDUH”

-Maybe Rose Quartz (or the fan theory fusion) shapeshifted?

-(Can fusions shapeshift??)

-what

-THE CONSPIRACY INTENSIFIES

-oHHHH?!?

-DAAAYYUMMMMMMNNNN

-*DEDUCTION INTENSIFIES*

ZIRCON YOUR ARGUMENT IS PERFECTLY REASONABLE BUT I DON’T THINK ACCUSING YOUR LEADERS IN A DICTATORSHIP WORLD LIKE THAT WILL GET YOU OUT OF THIS IN ONE PIECE

-Blue Diamond: *GASP*

-Well at least things are interesting for her

HOLY FUCK YELLOW DIAMOND, FUCKING CHILL

-DUUUUUDE

HOLY FRICKIN FLIP FLAPS

-SHE CAN SHOOT GEM DESTABILIZING RAYS OUT OF HER HAND??

-ah yes the ‘angry villain kills their subordinates’ cliche

-BUT WHAT THE FUCK

-I DON’T THINK YELLOW DIAMOND JUST HATES THIS TRIAL ANYMORE

-i ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed

-EVERYBODY’S GOTTEN ON THE YD-SUSPICION BANDWAGON, HEY WAIT FOR ME

-ARE THE DIAMONDS GONNA FIGHT

SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT

I WISH I HAD MORE CREATIVE VOCABULARY FOR REAKING OUT OTHER THAN REPEATEDLY SAYING ‘SHIT’ AND ‘FUCK’

-Alas, my active vocabulary lags a lot when my brain overloads.

-”Those giant crazy chicks aren’t gonna be distracted forever!”

“dafuq”

DO I SPY WITH MY LITTLE EYE A WHITE DIAMOND THINGY THING

THEY HAVE A GIANT STATUE OF WHITE DIAMOND ON HOMEWORLD

-Does that mean she’s gone, or is she even above Yellow and Blue? Or is she like a gem deity?

-And the trial was in the little smoking balloon thing...

FFS YD PLS CHILL

And another promo scene +anime face lighting

-holy fuck what happened to Blue I hope she’s okay

-wELL I’M SCREWED, AND ALso outta time so I’ll watch the rest of the episodes tomorrow

-bye bye I’m totally okay (not)

[punkscowardschampions]

Bea & Bronson

Bea: Hey Bronson: You don't have to Bea: I do, though Bea: it's important, your feelings are important, I acted otherwise, so you have to know that's not how it is, how I see things Bronson: Yours are too Bronson: I know you weren't seeing things clear last night Bronson: Call it forgotten Bea: Fuck that Bea: I know there's no forgetting Bea: and I know I've broken your trust and there's no getting it back Bea: but please, let me rebuild something Bea: I only did it because you're important to me Bronson: important in what way though Bronson: we aren't gonna be that Bea: No Bea: not like that, I don't want that Bea: I don't even want what I did, not really, I know that's just words when I did it but I swear to fucking God Bea: you're my best friend, my only friend, frankly Bea: it's a distancing thing...you know Bea: make you like him, put you in that box, that way I can see it as a good thing when I lose you Bea: but you don't deserve to be tarred with that brush, so I am, I'm really sorry Bronson: I've been around C & R long enough to see some fucked up boxes Bronson: and not walk off Bronson: I'm not doing that to you Bea: It probably won't be you Bea: that'd be me too Bea: I can't sustain shit Bea: I did the same to them, you know Bea: but they don't care so I didn't have to feel bad about it, got to be selfish Bronson: and they never bragged about it in my earshot...whoa Bronson: blessing or curse Bronson: I mean, if I was gonna, you'd get first dibs, but let's not make it weirder like Bea: Guess they give enough of a shit about you to not put that weird on you Bea: little did they know...ha Bronson: I mean they have made some offers over the years Bronson: But we were a lot younger Bronson: And the flashbacks only occur sometimes lol Bea: Didn't mean to add to the PTSD Bronson: You're off the christmas card list but you can still come for drinks Bronson: Nobody needs the newsletter and cringey family photo really Bea: Bron Bea: stop making it a joke if it ain't Bronson: I don't know how else to deal Bronson: You're not a club random Bea: You could tell me what you wanna tell them Bea: might help Bronson: I don't see it, you didn't have those motives Bea: Wanna violate my trust somehow Bea: hack me Bronson: Sure Bronson: Scope out that inbox Bea: go for it, serious Bea: #exposed Bronson: Am I gonna go further down the PTSD rabbit hole by catching sight of your nudes? Bronson: You can delete but they won't go Bea: I mean Bea: perhaps best to swerve my texts then Bea: uni emails Bea: ooh the scandal Bronson: Fix your grades while I'm there Bronson: 100 or nothing Bea: 🎯 Bea: Too good, you Bronson: Then, you'll owe me solidly, there's my angle Bronson: 👀 Bronson: Express your gratitude in a manner we won't have to run from and everything's normal again Bea: Anything you want Bea: WANT being the keyword there Bea: no funny business ever again Bronson: Swear on what you hold dearest Bronson: I can make those grades go down easy peasy Bea: Hmm, myself? Bronson: Those are my terms Bronson: 'Cause I can't stutter a no out don't mean a yes 😂 remember that going forward Bea: DON'T Bronson: too soon Bea: always too soon to be assaulting people Bronson: I'll stop smacking you with these punchlines in a minute like Bronson: Living with those two scallys too long Bronson: Not too soon to think about moving out Bea: You'd miss the mess you bless Bea: having your stuff knicked, constant undesirable and unknown visitors, all the noise and drama Bronson: I'll miss you if you do one after this botched reconciliation Bronson: You're my fave hot mess they ever brought back, Judes Bea: Don't make me cry Bea: this mascara is 22quid a pop Bronson: We'd be close to even Bronson: I'm worth at least that Bea: How rude of me to suggest otherwise Bea: but the foundation, the blush Bea: adding up Bronson: 💸 Bronson: Gotta get Ronaldo to teach you everything she knows about 🖐 discounts Bea: I think John Lewis would see her coming from a mile off, babe Bronson: There's a reason I have no fucking idea what one looks like inside Bea: like you're inside a upper middle class home but the bitch is also selling avon Bronson: 😂 Bronson: Take me there girl Bronson: I wanna see this Bea: Get you a pot of tea and a slice of something nice if you behave Bronson: I can be bought Bea: No judgment Bea: can't we all Bronson: Bring me coffee and all will be forgiven like Bronson: I've got the headache to end all 'em Bea: 😱 you? never! Bea: surprised you're not caning the red bulls already you animal Bronson: I would be if there was any left Bronson: hot commodity in this household Bea: 🤢 you are garbage people Bronson: You missed a trick not calling us monsters 😂 Bronson: It's early but you're a 🤓 Bea: I'm not gonna stoop to such levels Bea: any time of the day Bronson: Not gonna say your forgiveness depends on it Bea: Good Bea: not gonna change who I am, babe Bronson: Can't either Bea: Noted Bronson: But I'm not trying to change you, note that Bea: I know Bronson: Your man might Bronson: But I'm not going that deep into your inbox Bea: At least I don't have to tell him Bea: unless I drunkenly did Bea: bitch you better not have Bronson: I remember taking your phone at some point Bronson: If you're drunk enough to let me that's trouble Bea: 😬 Bea: Oh great Bronson: Get me his phone and it'll be like nothing ever happened Bea: idk if my skills of persuasion are gonna match his rage rn Bea: or pay for the first class postage Bronson: Quick trip to Ireland to buy my forgiveness and do some petty thievery could be a plan Bea: how is this for your forgiveness Bea: its entirely for me Bea: too pure Bronson: I need a- uh- Bronson: Guinness and Lucky Charms Bea: 😏 as cultured as I expected Bronson: Whoa there, I've seen that Leprechaun film with Rachel from Friends in it Bronson: Putting the cult in culture lol Bronson: 😂 Bea: Oh God Bea: 🤓 for all things trash Bronson: Blame the trash queen herself Bronson: A slut for shite horror Bea: I'll take great delight in telling her her Mum is just the same Bronson: Start saving for a headstone now I will Bea: she's gotta face facts some day Bronson: She'd sooner spite her face violently Bronson: We all know it Bea: 🤞 Bea: whaddya think I'm aiming for Bronson: Not to get Charlie about it but peas in a pod you two Bea: how dare you Bronson: face them faces, Judy baby Bea: Dick Bea: Now either way, I prove your point Bea: 😒 Bronson: You might be a smarty pants but I'm a smart arse like Bea: think of some witty retorts for Fraze then and go at it Bea: 'cos I can't face that yet Bronson: Time to build another fort and hide you in it Bea: gonna have to take up permanent residence at this fucking rate Bea: kick Tommy out of my old box room, that's not my graduate plan Bronson: Shack up with you like you're my actual missus Bronson: bedsits are very affordable Bronson: leave Fraze in the dust and forget the awkward convo looming Bea: Ha Bea: not exactly the plan either Bea: as much as I LOVE what you lads have done with the place 😽 Bronson: I'm not as house trained as poshos need theirs to be but not the pup they treat me like Bronson: We'd manage on our own, hun Bronson: love conquers all Bea: 💘 Bea: You're ridiculous Bronson: You need me Bronson: Too sensible by half Bea: 😏 Not gonna deny or accuse you of mixed messages BUT Bronson: Victim blaming isn't the way back into anyone's good books, love 😂 Bea: 🤷 Bea: don't want you to get the wrong idea Bronson: My ideas are fixed Bronson: No changing this mind Bea: that impenetrable firewall, I get it Bronson: Yeah Bea: Don't even be impressed by my nerd talk then, bitch Bronson: You can better Bronson: And we're trying to swerve pillow talk Bea: Look, I can't help being the best k Bronson: Back at you Bronson: Hard life being irresistible and unattainable like but I'm styling it out as effortless Bea: Ahh Bea: the one goal I can never reach Bronson: You're up there for me Bronson: If we stick together you've done it Bea: Safe to say I proved that I can't Bea: whore that I am Bronson: You're my whore Bronson: Stick around Bea: Who could say no? Bea: Such a charmer Bea: can't go in my inbox nevermind home anyway Bronson: Say the word and I'll clear it or pack a bag Bronson: Whichever Bea: Cheers, Bron Bea: what's the morning after without some drama to sort Bea: be at a loose end without it Bronson: Rather wipe your texts than clear up after the motley two Bronson: Disgusting Bea: Eurgh Bea: Don't even wanna think about them Bronson: How strong are the flashbacks? Bronson: I don't wanna think about that Bea: Why did you ask then 😂 Bronson: I'm a caring son of a bitch Bronson: And nosy Bea: Fair and fair Bea: wasn't that bad but not needing to repeat, is the answer Bea: but keep that on the DL Bea: not having them think I'M more repulsive than they are Bronson: I would but I feel like R's got that tattooed on her cause its such a legit review Bronson: Revolving door for her lack of repeat custom Bea: Well Bea: 'cept one Bronson: Let's not start Bronson: Enough of a headache without going there Bea: 2nd that Bronson: Onward to John Lewis Bronson: How much scandal can follow us around there realistically Bronson: We're well safe Bea: unlikely they're gonna want us to stock 'em up on overpriced knitwear Bronson: Trying to sell that on for anything but a loss would be an even worse headache Bronson: It's a no from me Bea: aw but you'd look adorable Bea: and sexless, more importantly Bronson: Would I though? Bronson: Or would I look quality in a bit of salmon pink Bronson: Trying to make me a target for the older crowd so I wouldn't turn you down next time, is it? Bea: 🤢🖕 Bea: nice bit of argyle Bea: golf chinos Bronson: 🏌 Bronson: a look Bea: if you wanna be some daddy's caddy Bronson: And risk taking Charlie's gig Bea: you know i know he knows he's past his prime Bronson: Yeah but I'm not trying to take his place in my mine Bea: Your loss booboo Bronson: Theirs Bronson: My daddy issues don't go that hard Bea: Worst luck Bronson: Like in the rankings I'm the worst horse to bet on if you want that action, dads Bronson: Pay my bills and get nothing back if that's your deal otherwise its a strike out Bea: save all this time I'm wasting on uni, eh Bronson: I haven't got a leg to stand on agreeing cause I'm still showing up myself Bronson: Half the time Bea: 👏 Bea: get you Bronson: someone's gotta show up to tell the rest to turn the computers off and on again Bronson: be a hero Bea: ⭐ for you Bronson: High five Bronson: We're killing it Bea: gotta slay in at least one area Bea: even if the rest is going to shit Bronson: I can't tell you not to feel bad about last night but I am Bea: I'm glad we're alright Bronson: You gotta get right by talking to freckles though Bronson: Rip off the plaster Bea: Yeah Bea: John Lewis first though, eh Bea: cheer myself with expensive crap when it all goes tits Bronson: Return it when the guilt kicks in Bronson: Easy fix for that fuck up Bea: If only everything had that 30-day return policy Bronson: We have to try on the most ridiculous shit they have Bronson: Guaranteed cheer up Bronson: Nothing's better than taking the piss outta me so I'm told Bea: 😂 sounds good Bea: though i can turn a look with anything Bronson: There she is Bronson: I'll meet you there but you have to walk in with me so I don't get trailed round the shop like the scum I come from Bea: wear your nicest hoodie please Bronson: Never dressing like a dosser when I'm meeting my lady Bea: so 😍 babe Bronson: Deffo

[geek-gem]

The thing about Michael

Major spoilers for Sister Location and I’m gonna tag this in case mates

I’m gonna be talking about the theories and other things concerning the character of Michael Afton who was revealed to be the character we play as in Sister Location.

I do like the idea of him being Springtrap and the brother from FNAF4 yet I do understand the reasons behind why people don’t think that. I’m mainly thinking about one person who I follow but doesn’t go with the ideas that Michael is not Springtrap or the brother.

Such as he does not have the same hair color or skin yet it could change over time maybe. But also just it’s mainly about the Springtrap thing. Such as why would he still be bleeding unless their was still blood in there. Yet including just….other things like how Springtrap acts.

I’ve been wanting to talk about this. With the idea or theory Michael may be Springtrap changes of who Springtrap is. It’s ether William Afton the actual purple guy or whatever but the child murder becoming Springtrap now it could be Michael his son.

Seriously the idea of the FNAF story being also about a young man who wants to help his family however he can and it results in his death. After all legit throwing up Ennard into the sewers and Circus Baby I think brings him back to life. My mindset is that okay had to put a instead of s in front of young man. But my mindset is that Michael finally snapped and thought, “You know what my dad is the reason all of this shit happened. You know what I’m gonna do what no one else decided to do, I’M GONNA KILL HIM but first I’m gonna free some children from their animatronic graves”

Which results in his violently destroying the animatronics what seems to be the original pizzeria from the first game. Also I think mostly Sister Location takes place after the first game. But when the ghosts mistake him for his father he’s not in a right mindset such as even if he knew a spring suit was dangerous he hid in it anyway. Yet his body also the rain also messed it up.

With the idea of him being Springtrap he’s maybe just confused and just enraged yet also maybe freaking out a bit of where he is now. Yet okay yeah that sounds kind of stupid.

Honestly the theory that Michael is Springtrap is something I like despite its quite flawed and I even mentioned it in my fake movie meme of Sister Location excuse me small burp.

Mainly also the idea I keep thinking just that the next FNAF game is gonna be about damn my bro made a weird whistling sound. But I’m seriously expecting the next FNAF game to be about Michael as Springtrap and his siblings and all the other murdered kids just trying to find William and finally killing him mainly Michael trying to kill him.

With also over the top stuff like Springtrap and William fighting to the death and William uses an ax to defend himself and it’s in a Afton Robotics building. I watch some one on DeviantArt who’s a PlayStation and FNAF fan and he believes the Michael is Springtrap theory and has made some cool art like a prediction for the next game

Also I keep thinking Michael is all like monologuing and shit talking about, “DON’T YOU EVER DO THAT TO YOUR FAMILY AGAIN TREAT EACH OTHER RIGHT OR YOUR FAMILY WILL BECOME LIKE MY MINE MY DAD’S A CHILD MURDERER, ALMOST OR ALL MY SIBLINGS ARE DEAD, I’M A GOD DAMN ANIMATRONIC NOW DO YOU WANNA BE THIS DO YOU”

In a way his message to anyone who is kind of like his family or even the Loud family or even the Crystal Gems he would be harsh with you that you should never end up like his family did. Jesus not even Charlie and her dad Henry or all of their family in FNAF The Silver Eyes didn’t have it this bad if we theorise it like this lol.

You know no offense I kind of wished Scott planned things a bit carefully. Such as stuff like, “Bite Of 87” and some of the story being in the 80’s yet it’s fun Scott has got me thinking the 80’s are full of that, the case with FNAF 4, the 30 years oh god almost left 39 but the huge time gap between the other games and FNAF 3 where people theorise it’s in 2017 or further and my god that bothers me. I keep thinking rather in 2017 almost put 21 and the year 2023 bothers me now lol couldn’t we have it in the 2010’s. Also I wanna say this is also a problem I have with the Killzone series with Shadow Fall where it’s 30 years years after the original trilogy lol.

In fact no wonder okay I smile a lot but no wonder I seem to make some random version of my own thing of the timeline my own version where stuff first happened in the 2000’s and stuffs happening later in the 2010’s.

We kind of got off topic of Michael lol I was listening to Linkin Park’s, “From The Inside” a lyrics video and it got me thinking I wanna make this now including yesterday I asked that person I mentioned in the first few parts of more reasons why she thinks Michael isn’t Springtrap.

Well hey we all have our ideas and I need to think more man lol more um. Honestly I hope I’ve been spelling Michael right well yeah my phone says it’s right. Many the wiki says some times people spell his name like e behind a lol not d.

I should just almost put lost but I gonna just act normal oh stomach lol oh again meh fine…..I’ll just post this some what sorry lol mates I have not stall more even more. Also sorry please don’t get angry at me just this is awkward I wanted to make this….yeah damn smile a lot during typing.

But I don’t know who Michael is at times mates I’ll try to chill out

edit I’m awkward as fuck dude even right now man and I need to stop that tried doing a 2nd edit messed up title but yeah I wanted to talk about this and just need to chill the fuck out mate

[artiya-il-muriel-chamuel-blog]

Caught.

😭

What.

I didn’t even know i was on your radar.

I genuinely thought that post in November was the last time you checked on my shit.

But this?

PRICELESS.

Ahhhhhhhhhaaaaahhahahahhaaaa.😭

At least spell the fucking word right.

And blocking me?

I haven’t checked your shit since April when i found out the post was about her and not me. (Though i should’ve stopped checking a long time ago. But you see how many things i post about you? LOL AS IF I’d stop my obsessive tendancies) but i was doing good , going on almost 2 months. But then i check my activities and ... 😭 bruh. how do you accidentally follow me and THEN block me. And why hasn’t tumblr taken out your name from my activities. I did myself the favor and deleted the notification bc i may write about you but i don’t want to know your kinky ass likes anymore or the asks you send girls for their snapchats and kiks and shit like the amount of times i wanted to screenshot and send it to her, but I’m not bc i want NO parts NOOOO parts . Im staying in my lane bc that is nottttt my business. Maybe y’all have an open relationship . Oh and btw one of your roommates was telling people you brought home a blond and fucked her 🤷🏽‍♀️ and then months later your girl came banging on the door yelling to talk with you. So i was like *sips tea * did you cheat David? I don’t think you did. Others were like a blond? His girl isn’t a blond and you HEARD THEM FUCKING? Nah he’s a cheater etc etc. But i was like nahhh he loves that girl he’d never cheat. The most you would do is like probably message some virtual girl when you’re bored and want attention but from experience i would hope you’d be smart enough to delete it. Evidence gone you know? But Physically cheat? Nah idc how much people say you’ve changed. You’re gonna marry that girl. And i don’t think you’d be dumb enough to do that even in your angriest lonliest days. I hope not David, BE NICE TO HER. Don’t be like dan entertaining other girls while you’re with her that’s so unfair ESPECIALLY because she’s older than you and has a job you should be thankful for her and cherishing her and if you’re like stfu right now you don’t know what you’re talking about. Then good. Bc i don’t know I’m just telling you what I’m hearing so be smarter with your actions and if you are being dumb at least be smart enough to never let her find out. Slip ups happen, you’re human, just learn and do better. But you see ? Isn’t it amazing I’m off campus bc people would come up to me like did you know blah blah and I’m like 😐 stop talking to me about him. Nah lowkey i was dead sipping my tea bc i don’t even like tea but the tea they would spill would be too good 😭. It’s the chismosa in me 🤷🏽‍♀️. But yeah copacetic is in your bio why spell it wrong as your new name? 😐 change it bc i know it now 🤷🏽‍♀️ but i can’t see what on your page just your bio but it’d be nice if you changed your name bc i KNOW how crazy i could be and I’d make a whole new shit just to see if you posted anything new on my super low stalker days which is why i deleted the notification so do a girl a solid and change your name please so i don’t go down that rabbit hole. I’m here talking like i know you’ll read this but 😏 you know I’m crazy, fuck you’re crazy too! I KNOW you are. Your life man. I don’t knowww and i don’t care because I personally talk about the past you not the current you. Memories of you that haunt me and that’s it. But come ON you can check my shit but not be my friend ?😭 you’re bugging. Say hi whenever unless your pride is like 🤢🤮 never will i ever let her have her way again.

But I’m already winning. 😭. You’re in a relationship and still message girls to get nudes. Why not ask your GIRL FOR NUDES instead of looking at other girls. But you know what I’m being hypocritical af rn. There’s nothing wrong in looking at nudes but like ASKING people for their social media platform to get them? WHILE in a relationship? Come on David 😕 do better. 😭 be better.

But i know not what your relationship is maybe y’all have an open relationship idkkkk not my place.

I know you’ll read this so I’m going to write a lot . You might stop reading now like. That bitch I’m not reading shit. But. Come on. You’ve gotten this far, anywho, yeooooo 😁 i hope everything is going good with you. Hope you got that job on deck. And you’re NOT 6’5” you’re tripping with that you’re barely 6’3” with your back straight. Sorry I’m just really trying to find the humor in all of this bc i was this 👌 close of calling and leaving a voicemail but I’m pretty sure I’m blocked on your cell also. I could be wrong but nah i texted you multiple times in hopes of having some cordial ending but you calmly were like scurt scurt. 🙄 annoying but understandable. But this? Ahhhh. I’m gonna be on a good high for like, probably until i go to Rome then I’ll get a good happy high there (like emotion wise not drug wise) but DAVID 😂 whenever you’re done being mad and weird, or “nonchalant” hit my line up so i can kick your ass on words with friends.

Oh man. 😂 i think that’s all i have to say. I just wanted to be like bringgggg that assssss hereee boyyyy for one last time.

Also, and i can’t believe I’m saying this. Because it’s like, ASHLEY, nooooo some things you don’t say.

But 🤷🏽‍♀️ sue me.

Actually don’t sue me bc i have no money ☹️.

But, change. 👏🏽your.👏🏽 email.👏🏽 on this. 👏🏽. Change it to the gmail, not the Lasalle one. Boy i told you that one time you called i checked your emails 🙄. And 👀 was Maddison the blond you might’ve fucked 🤔 you signed her in plenty of times at random times at night. But i would be like nahnahnah they’re just smoking buddies. But 😭 you know the chismosa in me is like *the picture of the guy with the strings piecing shit together like a conspiracy.* (see below for gif of it) but no. I believe you are an honorable man but 👀 you know i had to ask. ANYWHO big diversion. Yes, email. Change that shit. Why? Bc of a beautiful thing called YOU CAN SIGN IN TO TUMBLR USING YOUR EMAIL. So, you know crazy meeee back in like April totally invaded your privacy and read all your drafts 😅. Ugh. My heart. It swelled up soooo much. Why couldn’t you post that shit when we were together/ trying to work shit out so that i could read it and be like HE CARES HE ACTUALLY HAS A FUCKING HEART. But it’s okay that you didn’t they weren’t for me to read those were your personal thoughts that you specifically chose to not share with me but that’s dead why i thought the post was about me in April and then when i found out it wasn’t i was like WOW. But that’s cuz I’m stupid and should’ve never seen those in the first place i got SUPER in my bag about that. Listened to the playlist you shared with me on Apple Music about sad days. Smh. It was WILD. Anywho, Also this is how i know about you messaging girls on tumblr smh. And yes i have screenshots But that’s besides the point. The point is. Change your email to the gmail one. I’m not going to go through your shit anymore i haven’t since April bc i had a breakthrough with my therapist and found out that’s like jail time worthy behavior so i had to REIGN it the fuck in. But. Look at me telling the truth! Why? “Have you no shame Ashley? Like that’s psycho to an extreme even for you.” Is it really though? Like are you HONESTLY surprised ?

But yeah change that shit bc for all i know I’ll be at some low place again and will be like I WONDER and will go down the rabbit hole again and i do NOT have time for that shit.

Okay so , in conclusion. I’m trying to be good here, 1. I don’t know you, and I’m the last person to be judging you for things you may or may not be doing. 2. I’m not making fun of your relationship. I genuinely believe you’re going to marry her and have her kids i mourned about it in therapy fall semester but once i accepted it i was like okok it’s all good. 3. I may write about you not being there for me while i was raped a lot, this does not mean i think you’re a trash person or hate you for it. It was a shitty thing for you to do but you had your own life you had to deal with. I forgave you. It’s just something i can’t forget and randomly stabs me in the heart when I’m at my lows. I do not think you’re a trash person. You may be different from the boy i knew but that’s expected. Years of experiences changed you but i still believe you’re true and rad to your core. You love hard and you go hard for the people you care about. I believe you’re a good human. 4. Sorry for invading your privacy the times i did. I told you to change your email password 😭 but i know going to IT is a pain in the ass for it which is why i never changed mine but i knew you weren’t psycho like me so you wouldn’t be checking it anyways. 5. Change your email on tumblr to the gmail. That way i can never find your new tumblr or if you decide to change this name over and over. 6. Just change your email and change this name. You’ll be gone for good since you blocked me( I’m assuming that’s what this is since i can see your bio but not your posts or likes which is what google tells me means I’m blocked) 7. Heaven. Too slow. Drink. 8. Lol sorry i needed to make a joke but ayeee my favorite number so this has to be important. David, you know my spiel. You know how to contact me though i know you have no reason to but this is for future you in case in an not ideal world some shit goes down and you really just need someone to talk to and i know I’d be the last person you’d reach out to but, exactly, if it ever comes to that (God forbid, knock on wood)((not as a joke, legit, bc i genuinely want you to live a happy life)) but if it ever comes to that, my back is never turned to you. I’ll always be a message/phone call away. 9. This is the last post I’ll write specifically TO you. Any other post after this if it mentions you is bc, i do use this as an outlet and i used to reshape my words in hopes that you’ll see them but i don’t anymore (besides this one which is specifically targeted to you) the ones i write are to get them out of my system so i don’t suffocate. This is my outlet. So while you’re changing everything so i can’t find you on my bad days. This is for me. My eyes only (and the random people on the internet) but it’s not directed to you. And

10. I love you, you big butt. Through and through. Always have, always will. I don’t want you back. I understand why you don’t want anything to do with me. The past is the past. So, live fruitfully. Again, SORRY for invading your privacy. Please don’t press charges. I genuinely have no money for that type of thing.

Be nice. 😭 forgive meeeeeeeee.

Okay, have fun in all you do. You’re in the real world now kid ! On to the next adventureeeeee. ADVENTUREEEE.

Oh and this is the pic i was talking about when i said the picture guy piecing together shit vv