#like this all sucks but at least it helps me do something im passionate about: making lists

[dykecadence]

ive spent a good portion of the last 24 hours making a spreadsheet of all the manga titles and authors i want to have on hand if the mangadex lawsuit obliterates the fan translation landscape. im at 426 entries so far and im not even halfway through my bookmarks

[introvertedeviant]

Yall life is so CRAZYY, I’m going back to school this summer lmaooo

[arsonlookers]

Yandere Childe! [2] [suggestive]

Yandere Childe! who loves to be bound by something by you a kink of his. he just loves the idea that you are straining him, wrapping rope or something to stop him from attacking[pounding] you. [sexually]

"ms~ you really look sexy in your outfit right now~ are you seducing me~ I mean if you could just take this off me right now ~mmm~ I can help satisfy you to your heart's content baby~"

You glared at him "Stop it patient 01" as You took your clipboard from your table and started to scan the things you needed to do in this session.

"hmmm~ I mean ms. sexy~ don't call me that hmm~ you know my name call me by my name hmm~ with that sexy mouth of yours sexy~" he keeps seducing you with those dead and obsessed eyes of his as he stares at you sitting 5 feet away from him you are just this close to him if only he can just rip this bounds and have you in his arms.

"y/n~ " he calls with a raspy teasing sound his voice wants to catch your attention.

His teasing keeps continuing trough out the whole session, and You are just barely holding everything in as he keeps sexualizing you and even says out loud his intrusive thoughts and sexual dreams for you.

Can you blame him? You are just too sexy to bend and he imagines how you sound like when being stuffed you know~ so shamelessly even moaning in the middle of the session just to keep his wild imaginations of you in his mind not with the bored talk about this about who.

and when you calls him out for it he would just reply with "Hmmm~ that pitch is so perfect y/n~ but how would It sound like when being breathy and ahhh~ just non-stop incoherent calling of my name? AUUHhh~ just imagining it makes me want to just take you here right now~" A cold and passionate stare is all he can give towards your direction it is so full of passion and so full~ of obsession residing inside that ocean blue eyes of his.

"I wanna fuck you up sooooo~ BAddddd~ " He said with his alluring deep raspy voice but still does sound cheerful.

Not only that as if trying to lure you in the ocean like a siren wanting its claim on you. His ocean-deep blue eyes are so enchanting and so pulling as if like a dark abyss no light no hint of kindness to it but so addictive, so~ passionate to just look at ... like a forbidden fruit wanted to be eaten by you and only YOU.

As you stare deeper all you can think is how TEMPTING his offer is...his fantasies do sound sooo tempting.. but as strong as your resolve you did not fall for it and just tried to distract yourself from other matters in your clipboard

whines from being ignored* "nnngggggg~ stop ignoring meee~ y/n cant you see how hard I am right nowww~ stop ignoringgg my needddsss~ pleasee~" he sounds so submissive and desperate to be fucked by you just the idea of it makes him want to do more

"How about can you just kiss me at least~? or better yett~ suck off my dick~" He mischievously offers a tempting deal

"i won't touch you~ I promised I mean Im already bound just ahhh~ take the restrains of my dick pleasee~"

His whines just keep going non-stop on the whole session but not one bit of you listen to his tempting ideas of making you his or making you want HIM~

"Thats all" in your professional voice

"you will be backed to your room escorted by the guards " You turn your whole body around trying to look at him any further

he whines more "y/n pleasee~ sexyy~ dont leave mee~ I want to hear more of you~ I want to just use that mouth of yours... Mark it As MINE~" obviously too drunk by your voice and how he just wants to USe your lovely mouth and throat to his pleasure until you have no voice anymore

He keeps imagining a 69 position with you would be SOoooo~ awesome ~ I mean remember how he loves your Thigh? Oh please he will lovingly suffocate himself against them~

and the thought of you sucking him off SOo hard is just making him wanna cum so badly right now.

If not that~ then being tied up by you and just nonstop teasing him is also ok~ he loves everything you can do to him even if it means putting injection in him and just fucking is All ready makes him want to do it NOW

he is desperate

after all he knows that there are pest who are into you except him and these pests are always lurking in the darkness to just take you for themselves and own your whole being to them.

And just the idea of it is making him so MAD so pissed off that he just wants to kills everybody in this building except you just to make sure that YOU are HIS and HIS ALONE

no other man or woman can take you away, not your attention, not your eyes, and absolutely not your LOve~

And he will make sure of it even if he is against the very head of this Asylum [dr.zhongli] who is now planning to dispose of him.

ars: mind my tagging I don't really know how to choose for it just randomly choose what I see fit ©2024arsonlookers

[surfinminho]

1:26 am

warnings: oral (hyuniin receiving), switch!hyunjin, face fucking, cum eating

>not proof read

1:26 is what your phone read as you checked it again. You had known he was going to be a little late today, he was helping the staff with something. That doesn't mean you can't miss your boyfriend.

You were gonna call him until your screen lit up.

Hyunjin: hi baby, I'm almost home okay? Sorry for keeping you waiting.

You liked the message before getting up to take a shower, surely it'll kill time.

---

You came out to see hyunjin sitting on the bed, aimlessly scrolling on his phone with both airpods in clearly immersed in whatever he's watching.

As you look at him, you notice more of hyunjins outfit. 'Had he worn that to leave the house this morning?' 'I swear he wore a hoodie" you thought before going over to him.

"Hi" you say as you take out one of his airpods.

"Hey pretty" he smiles before pecking your nose

"didn't you wear a hoodie today?" Questioning as you sit on his lap.

"I did, my hair messed it up. Had to throw it out... Is there something wrong with what I have on right now?" wondering where this whole this is going.

"No, you just look really good in it"

"Really? It's just a regular tank top" he quirks an eyebrow

"Really." You smile

"Hm." smirking before his kisses you.

Kisses with hyunjin were always soft, more or so passionate. Today he's kissing you with an urgency you had never seen before. Is this even a kiss? Its pure teeth and tongue colliding together. Spit dribbling down on the sides of your chin before he pulls back and latches onto your neck.

"s-shit jinnie slow down"

he hums as he continues down your neck to your collarbone. Peppering kisses until he reaches your breasts. He looks up at you before biting you.

"ow what the fuck jinnie"

"I want you to suck me off, can you do that?" he asks. Leaving bite marks and bruises for you to see tomorrow.

"I can do that" sliding down his legs, onto the floor.

You stare back up at him before he gives you a nod of approval. Sitting up a bit, you start to unbuckle his belt along with sliding down his pants just enough to get his cock out.

Taking him into your hands, you rub his tip smearing pre-cum all over before sliding your hand down. Slowly pumping him before taking him into your mouth. Giving him light sucks on his tip or kitten licking him.

Hyunjin was big to say the least. his girth and length makes it hard for you to take him fully, opting for sucking him half way while jerking off what you can't fit.

You start off slow. Taking what you can, bobbing your head ever so slightly. Gathering spit in your mouth to make the movements less dry.

"s-shit baby" he , before grabbing your neck.

You start to move faster, moving your hand and head in sync. Before you take your lips off him with a pop.

"I want you to fuck my throat." You say

"oh- but." He breathed trying to deny you while he's twitching in your hand.

"you're so easy to please hyunjin. c'mon fuck my mouth, please?" You plead while tentatively stroking him.

"ah- okay" he says before guiding his cock in between your lips.

Sighing when he feels his tip hit the back of your throat, before cautiously bucking into your mouth.

"feels g-good, shit." moaning as he trusts harder into you.

"Im about to cum f-fuck." He whines before shooting his load down your throat.

"Hm that was quick" you say as you climb back into bed.

"Don't mention it."

[peachie-bumblebee]

Hey so this might be weird but would you be able to do some Vanessa nsfw Headcanons? If not, I would also like more glamrock chica content

hi love! so at this time i can’t seem to get much inspiration for Vanessa!! it’s not a weird request at all, and I’m currently doing a rewatch of the OG SB content with my partner, so I will put it right there for when I feel more confident in my writing abilities for that character. for now, enjoy some chica content <3

NSFW HEADCANONS WITH GLAMROCK CHICA- EXTENDED

NSFW MINORS DNI

she’s actually so baby girl

CW: GENERAL KINK DISCUSSION, LIGHT DISCUSSION OF IMPACT PLAY

i’m actually so obsessed with her you have no idea. no no idea.

as before mentioned, she’s a toy FREAK

she gets her toys either through discreet delivery (she has a deal with a worker where if they get it to her no questions asked, she’ll let them hide in her room for good chunks of their shift) or adult customers (aspiring groupies) have caught onto the fact that if they give her ones, she’ll take them

she eSPECIALLY loves when they give her something more custom to her design and aesthetic.

her type is anyone she can find cute. seriously. if she can make them blush once, she’s starting to think about the soonest she can get them into a closet

don’t get me wrong, she’s not the type to initiate first- she’s very careful about it. but if the vibe is there and they’re both receptive, then yeah. she wants them on her dick and sucking her clit!!

chica is a FREAK and i’m tired of y’all saying she isn’t. she’s also mostly a top..

i want you to look at her stretch her arms in that gif. really look at it.

she’s got a little heart design on her pussy front hshsshghjss

and her clit is pink

LOVES fingering. she loves fingering her partners, getting fingered, both at the same time-

she likes to have her partners touch themselves for her to watch across the room. literally put on a show for her!!

thinks its cute when they get shy but always shows them how not to be ;)

makes those sharp giggle-gasps during sex hhh

she LOVES quickies. she’ll show up backstage ready for a show and have been in you 5 minutes prior

i’m sorry but she and Roxy have fucked at least once. it’s just to blow off steam and it doesn’t affect their friendship much, but they’re definitely close

once got caught by a security worker sneaking 3 people in 😭😭😭

as mentioned in Animalistic- she’s very willing to help her friends out for anything having to do with their sex lives

if they need her maze, or a toy, or someone to watch and degrade? she’s down !!

she’s pretty passionate about the guitar so her fingers are literally programmed to help her be quick with them. she will use this to your advantage

CHICA ONE NIGHT IM ACTUALLY BEGGING

she LOVES it when someone gets on their knees to eat her out. loves that shit, she leans back and gets comfy

she’s so so cute during aftercare omg. she’s a cuddler.

she would 100% get her partner some cute lil collar or something with her logo that they could wear

her strap giving style is definitely a lot of hip movement and full, quick thrusts

she just gives good dick. she just does.

she’s so good at handjobs stfu. stfu she is. she’s the type to kinda giggle through the whole thing cuz she thinks her partners reactions are adorable

BAD BITCH WANNA FUCKKK 😩😩😩😩

i’m sorry i feel like i might be the only one but LORD she has me giggling and 🤭🤭🤭🤭

i can see her being into giving impact play, but not too hard at all. it’s more of things that lightly to mediumly sting and slap then anything too extreme in that area

if she’s bottoming she’s still a bit of a power bottom

i don’t see her getting all melty and submissive like that

AINT NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT THO ‼️‼️‼️

her pussy probably tastes like strawberries

i hoped you enjoyed! be sure to comment, reblog w tags and comments, and requests!! it really makes my day <3 love you all!

[werewolf-femboy-maid]

venting rq because I am sussy baka (GRAPHIC DESIGN ADVICE PRESENT)

I dont even know where to start I will just say I am uselesss and a lazy mooch just like my father. no im not doing well rn it's really up to me not to abuse substances and or myself rn. ooouffff... I hate it when things are my fault and I also hate it when things happen that weren't my fault but I have accidentally conditioned myself to always blame myself whether its really my fault or not.

GRAPHIC DESIGN ADVICE:

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE NEVER EVER EVER WORK FOR FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yes even your bf, even your family member. maybe a discount if its a bf and they already spend money on you especially if you helped make the name...

ok yeah so the story goes like this: I date my bf and we come up with a name, I get passionate about the idea and want it to be perfect so I spend MONTHS trying to clean my room while completely jobless.

I didnt get jobs yet because I wanted to have time to make the logo and not be stressed by lack of time. but my room wasnt getting clean. I tried and tried every day and all I got done was not dying and eating something because I take fuckig forever.

so yeah not even touched the logo because I had to first, make the room workable, I cannot work in the mess for more than a few minutes without putting myself in danger because the clothes are all over the floor, im trying too hard to explain everything about myself to avoid guilt again lmfaooooooooooo

but yeah second, I get to the logo, and then I get a job. that was the order, it was 1. clean my room 2. make my logo 3. get a job

so that way after room is clean, making logo not stressful especially with no job time constraints. and then getting a job was supposed to come after my logo was done and printed.

womp womp here comes the reality train. my student loans now have to be paid off. I made the first payment last month. imma mooch off my dad for this month but im gonna get an online part time job.

so for the logo, that means THEY GET SHIT. THEY GET SHIT. IM NOT EVEN GETTING PAID FOR IT BECAUSE oohhh he already spent money on me THAT'S A GIVEN, I AM PROVIDING ANOTHER SERVEICE I HAVE TO AT LEAST GET SOMETHING.

im mostly mad at myself for being unemployed all these months. for that one. fucking. logo. they're acting mad that my logo isnt done but this is what you fucjing get for free service. but I cant even blame them because I said it would be free.

I need to be muzzled and tied up somewhere im going insane

all im really saying is. the free time does not make that much of a difference, especially with mental illness. the fear of burnout was really bad and prevented me from working. I didnt want to overwork myself again with a job and a logo and trying to clean my room at the same time. but that's life sometimes and it really fucking sucks sometimes. I bet people from Gaza are reading this like "wtf is this bitch on??? she's living the life and she's complaining??? oh my gosh"

I dont even r3ememebr what else I needed to mention.

I'll just pretend im dead all day while I make their stupid FUCKING logo. that I should've nEEEVER signed up for. but I cant let it go because I helped with the name and it feels like an insult for some ai generated logo to take my place. yeah they were just openly talking about ai last night after asking me about the logo. yeah I'll show you "fucking useless"

I will fucking show you all

[thefirstknife]

It's starting to feel like there's an implicit understanding in the community that complaining about the game is one of the main ways to engage with it, and maybe is something newer players pick up as part of the 'haha even diehard destiny players hate destiny' narrative. =\

Im happy to see the playerbase growing, but dang, I wish there'd be a bit less of 'if you love this thing you'll be passionate about criticizing it' among some of the big personalities

Yeah. Destiny always had that whole joke like "The one thing Destiny players hate the most is Destiny." I never understood it. When I mildly disliked Destiny, I stopped playing. Genuinely cannnot fathom playing a game religiously while hating it. Mindboggling. I'm also somewhat salty that a lot of people "criticising the story" and latching onto this whole vibe have never actually been fans of the story or have never really paid attention to it.

Like, it feels somewhat strange to me that suddenly every single content creator, including those that were openly NEVER into the lore and even content creators who literally only play pvp and those that openly play with voicelines and subtitles off, are suddenly great experts on how this story apparently sucks. And of course followed by a million of their fans who have until yesterday only ever cared about meta weapons for Trials, but have overnight become lore masters who understand that the story was "bad."

I know people who ARE into lore and who had issues. I also know that there's a lot of new players who were probably utterly confused, though that's to be expected when you tune into the 9th year of the franchise. I'm totally fine with that and respect people who have a different view of the campaign and how it felt to them. And of course if any new players are super confused and have no idea where to start learning more... I sympathise. Greatly. And I'm happy to help! Obviously a lot of what people are discussing right now is really complicated and draws from super specific lore that might not be easy for a new player to understand right away. It will take some time and that's okay!

But when I see the amount of people blasting the story, I'm left thinking... Really? There were so many lore enjoyers out there all this time? You're telling me that twitter user xxTrialsHunterMain69420xx understands the problems with the narrative and can talk with authority on obscure lore references and how Bungie fucked them up? This is absolutely news to me, as most players have been dissing the story for years and if they weren't dissing, they just weren't engaging with it at all.

Obviously every player has a right to say how they felt playing and how they vibed with the campaign and if they didn't vibe with it, that's fine. They didn't vibe with a lot of campaigns that I would die for, like for example Shadowkeep. But there's a distinct feeling like a lot of these people are just latching onto the hate train for no real justifiable reason of their own. Like, it's popular to shit on the campaign now and people will do it to fit in, even if they personally have never ever had any stakes in what Destiny's story is about.

They've been given not only permission, but encouragement to blast the campaign over something they barely understand and something that a lot of people reacted to out of their basic impulses. And I get it because my basic impulse was negative too. I feel like maybe a huge personality who influences the entire community shouldn't post the first thought that comes to their mind uncritically to social media. Or at least that they should feel like they can change their mind and correct that later. I feel like a lot of them would never do that now because it would mean alienating their audience. "Oh yeah I told you all that this sucks, but actually no it doesn't, just listen." Yeah, not going to happen. Not to mention that outrage brings clicks.

And of course, now the whole discourse has been completely ruined by the outrage so it's incredibly hard to find and filter who actually has decent feedback and who is just riding the hate train. Frustrating and draining.

[frostbite-the-bat]

stop that.

yknow how you can start with idk.. a mascot or vtubing? hit up an artist. support them. pay them. does your friend draw? maybe they'd be willing to help!

or maybe get involved!! start drawing yourself! in this day and age i know people are often very busy but if you have time to look at this ai shit and want a hobby like, as they for example say, fandom or vtubing - you probably have time to draw and design a thing.

its not about affordability, though yes, many adopts are overpriced but artists DESERVE PAYMENT FOR THEIR WORK!!! there are issues with adopts and scams and all this, and i agree that people hyping designs up because they're by someone famous is a bit... meh... and many artists will underprice because of this in the end.. but really. ai. is that your solution. stealing more art?

none of this is embracing creativity. you are stealing artwork. embracing creativity is being brave and drawing something yourself. even if it "sucks" at first - you created something! who else was going to draw it the same way you have? ai sure wont. it's just data making images based on prompts.

nobody can draw like you can!! embrace it!!! that's what is wonderful about art!!! i know people can be rude and exclude newbie artists, and people seek out these sleek "professional" art styles and you will get overlooked in certain areas of the internet if you DO not look like that. but like... why follow that??? just!! do your own thing!!!

i am all for supporting anyone starting art!! it is a difficult journey and i am still going through it!! but if you want to do an artsy thing WITHOUT putting any effort into the art itself... why fucking bother? why care? is art just assets to you??? how swallowed by everything corporate are you???

it's fucking disgusting that these people are SELLING these. art they didn't make themselves. i do give them props for "cleaning them up", at least there is minimal effort put in. but to me it is no excuse. you can draw then, right? make your own adopts!!! hell back then i had worse art and people bought my designs regardless because (it was cheap) and i put it where people sought adoptables in the community!! these people even turned their comments off. you don't even need to speak to them to get an adopt. you just buy it on the side and can download the image (which, is often cropped)

like my hand drawn adopts sold better and faster than most my base adopts - which i think says something??? not to say all base stuff is bad! it is not a bad thing. but going out of a comfort zone and drawing my own thing ended up working for me. here's the art below. it wasnt perfect but it was genuine. y'know?

you can make base adopts!! there were people even sought after and well known back then who made designs on bases and they sold WELL!! it allowed people to buy designs someone made and it was quicker with the help of a base. like as long as those are okay to use by the creator you can use them. theres nothing wrong. its like a coloring book. you still put in some effort and your own spin.

with this ai fixing you just fix the text being weird and the paw being off and are good. you did nothing.

sorry for popping off but it's pissing me off. i do believe that ai could be used for useful things - but art theft like this branded as CREATIVITY AND FREEDOM is. so sick to me. that's what ART is. that's what ANY CRAFT IS. that's not what telling words to a bot that shits out pictures based on other, real artists, art.

im so mad. ai art where fandoms come to life. no, artists who work their asses off making art for things they love out of passion is where fandoms come to life. interacting with fellow fans is where fandoms come to life. not this shit. i feel so bad for the new generation of young deviantart users. it wasnt perfect even back when when i began using it early 2015 - god it was horrible, but at least we didn't have art theft like this painted as CREATIVITY AND ART COMING TO LIFE! no the fuck you dont. but man things sure have changed since 2018, damn.

[we-were-made-of-stars-once]

QUICK LIFE UPDATE:

So yesterday was a really terrible day for me. I had just gotten fired from my job and I've been moping around all day. I was already in a tight financial situation for the past few weeks (taking out multiple loans and losing more money due to commuting issues) and now I don't know how I'll be able to afford my rent, food, etc. Till I find a new job. I felt really hopeless since finding a new job is already a hurdle in and of itself and I've got bills to pay pretty damn soon.

But I've realized this could be a perfect opportunity to pursue something that only seemed like a pipe dream. Let me explain. . . At my previous jobs, my coworkers and even a few customers would always say how they liked my digital art (because I'd mention that I dabbled in drawing whenever they wanted to get to know me more and my hobbies. Y'know ✨socializing✨) and how I could probably get into making money from my art. . .of course I always doubt myself too harshly even when the compliments and praises come from my family and friends. . . But now, I think I might have a shot at honing in on my skills. Now that I have the time and I still have my art tablet and a brand new computer (that I still have to figure out how to pay off 👀. . . .)

But anyways. . . Earlier I was super depressed and stressed out the whole day. Until I randomly remembered to check my mail and got my package from a Patreon subscription that I'm subscribed to and I'm a huge fan of! The sticker above is a gift from one of my favorite extremely underrated creators. @hasaniwalker . His story of Doris Doodle and Dawn Doodle is super inspiring to me (even tho it's about silly haha cartoon characters 😅) the emotional journey and the protagonists story really resonates with me. . . and for a moment, I kinda correlated Doris' experience of losing her career with my own. The hopelessness, the despair, the fear of what's next. . .

Doris' struggles in some weird way were like my struggles. . . (Or maybe I'm just projecting and over analyzing too much pfffttttt 😅) But I digress. . . As I stared at this silly little sticker, I started contemplating the efforts and dedication he must have put into this passion project. The trials and errors of trying to bring this project up off the ground. The creator of this underrated comic is one of my many artist role models. A real life glimpse of what I could become someday. An artistic storyteller. A visionary hoping to make something meaningful to my audience. A Creator.

So this is my official notice to y'all if anybody is actually caring to read all of this lol I will try my hand at doing ART COMMISSIONS. I've still got a lot of research to do first though, like how to price stuff and all the other technical details. But I've got a lot of support from my loved ones and artist friends to help me on this journey of pursuing my dream job as a artist (even though I might not be good enough right now and it sounds naive and a bit too optimistic. . . I can at least try, right. . .?)

TLDR: LIFE SUCKS AND IM GONNA DO ART COMMISSIONS SOON TO MAKE IT POSSIBLY SUCK LESS???

@dawnanddorisqna @hasanistories @hasaniwalker

Honorable mention to my irl art mentor friend @en1gmat1c for being cool beans 😎

[firelord-frowny]

dumb

i finallyyyyyyyyyyyyyy went to the national aquarium yesterday omg and had a grand old tiiiiiime and took a ton of pics and videos and i thoroughly enjoyed myself and will elaborate on the enjoyment in the near future!

but first i need to whine about an annoyingly unhappy thing that was hanging in the back of my mind for a lot of the time.

i went with both of my parents, which was fine, bc thats who i wanted to go with.

but i really would have fucking preferred to do it sometime around the FIRST time i asked to go, which was when I was ohhhh, i dunno, A CHILD??? When I was 10, 11, 12, and still aspiring to have a career in zoology. And there was never ever ever a reason why we couldn't go, other than that my parents ~didn't feel like finding parking.~ i can't even tell you all the shit my family has never done together SOLELY because ~it's hard to find parking.~ everyfuckingbody else on earth can find parking! everyfuckingbody else on earth can deal with a lil inconvenience if it means getting to do something fun/memorable or giving someone they love something special. but not my lame ass family!

so, here i am now, a whole 29 years old, FINALLY having a nice day at the damn aquarium with my parents.

and i'm looking around at all these tiny children having the time of their lives with their parents and i couldn't help but feel jealous. :/ I wanted to be a 10 year old running around and demanding that my parents pick me up so I can get a better view of what's swimming near the top of a tall tank. I wanted to nyoom through the gift shop and try out all the different toys and flip through the children's books, blah blah.

anyway, we get to the part of the aquarium that has the touch pools where you get to just fuckin pet stingrays and shit! and i was so excited bc there are so many sea creatures ive always wanted to touch! i touched a horsehoe crab and a jellyfish! IVE ALWAYS WANTED TO PET A JELLYFISH!!! And I was thrilled about it!

but neither of my parents would pet anything!

which i mean, obviously that's their right, and they dont have to touch anything they dont wanna touch, but it just made me feel super isolated and outcast and reemphasized just how utterly alone i've always felt within my own family. literally NOBODY that im related to delights in any of the same things I delight in, and it fucking sucks.

which i mean, duh, that's what ~friendships~ and ~peer groups~ are for, but i feel like most people have at least a LITTLE BIT in common with their families. songs they can listen to together and equally enjoy. places they're equally excited to go to. activities everyone looks forward to with genuine eagerness.

i have none of that and i really really really wish that wasn't the case.

also? a lottttttt of the staff who stand by the exhibits and share ~fun facts~ about various animals/plants/etc were high school volunteers. that's so fucking neat!

and in the back of my mind i was so hyperaware that if i had known about such a volunteer opportunity when i was in high school, there is 0 chance that my parents would have been willing to drive me up to baltimore a few days a week. even if it meant having something fantastic to add to my college applications. even if it meant getting valuable exposure in a career field i was interested in at the time.

i mean, ok, baltimore is about 45-60 minutes from here, which IS a bit of a drive, i know.

but where the fuck else around here would there have been an opportunity to immerse myself in something that was so perfectly aligned with my deepest passions and desires? where, within a 10 or 15 minute drive of my home, would i have been able to stand next to a death adder's terrarium and tell guests all about their extremely potent neurotoxic venom or that even though they're morphologically very similar to vipers, they're actually elapids like cobras and mambas?

nowhere! nowhere!

maybe i could have volunteered down at the rinky dink lil nature center near my house and told 2 people per day that the snake in the tank that's clearly labeled as a corn snake in bigass letters is a corn snake.

just, my enrichment and my exposure to the thing i loved most in the world wouldn't have been worth a few hours of my parents time on weekends and that makes me really kinda fucking sad because now im an entire real life grown adult with 0 of the connections or confidence or skills that i'd need to start living a life that actually incorporates my favorite things on a regular and sustainable basis, and now it's MYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY PROBLEM to try to fill in all the gaps that my parents were content to leave wide open just because they didnt fucking feel like nurturing the person i truly was.

honest to god, i cant look at a place like the national aquarium or the national zoo or any place like that, and feel like i deserve to even volunteer there. i dont feel like i deserve to even sweep the fucking floor. i'm watching the custodial staff mopping down the floor in the dolphin viewing area and all i can think about is how much i don't deserve to even do that. (which, obviously, isn't to say that being a custodian isn't an Important Job that requires its own skillset, but it's not a skillset that you need 4 years of overpriced education to excel at).

bc my dumb brain can't stop thinking: if my own damn parents didn't think i was important enough to expose me to things i was interested in even, WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY would literaally anybody else think i'm worthy of anything at all?? if i'm not important enough to be driven to an amazing volunteer opportunity as a kid, why would that same place think i'm important enough to let me volunteer there even if i did have a ride???? when there are soooooooooo many other kids who ARE important enough for their parents to go out of their way to help them reach their goals?

___________________

AND YOU KNOW WHAT????

my parents did spend significantly more money than most parents spend on their kids for my violin stuff. my violin is Pretty Dang Expensive. they paid out the ass for me to go to tanglewood one summer. they drove me once a week to my violin lessons, which took up a couple hours of their time. i'm appreciative.

but i'm ALSO keenly aware that i literally didn't ask for any of it.

the only thing i DID ask for was to just play the violin in general. but i specifically remember being an orchestra major in middle school and asking my parents if i could take private lessons outside of school, and they unceremoniously told me that no, you greedy little child, we're not paying for more private lessons when you're already in the free music program at school.

but the second i got into high school and my orchestra director told my parents to put me in private lessons, nevermind the fact that i already had free lessons with a very decent teacher at school, my parents signed me up on the spot.

when my violin teacher told my parents to send me to tanglewood, they did. when my violin teacher told my parents to buy me a new, professional quality violin, they did.

they did all of those things because someone who Wasn't Me said it was important.

shit, i remember being like 15 and wanting to get a lil part time job working at petsmart, and they told me i couldn't do it, because they didn't feel like dropping me off or picking me up from the petsmart 10 fucking minutes away from our house.

lmao can you imaginnnneeeee all the confidence and self-actualization i could have developed if even one single thing i asked to do was facilitated and nurtured by my parents?????

and now i have to struggle to learn this shit on my own because it's Not Their Problem if their adult child is struggling??

i hate me.

[mekatrio]

gonna play a little itty bitty tiny bit before i wont be able to play for the next um 3-5 days, but before i do my thoughts on the cast so far (am 12 hours in and about to leave heliord to go to dahngrest)

yuri: okkkk so hes kinda tsundere... OKKKK 🤭... well not rly but a little bit. so his character conflict is his pride.. and his aimlessness... he kinda reminds me of zidane tbh! if zidane was less of a goof.. yuri's lack of sincerity is very inchresting.. well not sincerety but more like.. hes not very emotional, like at all. hes a Cool Guy all the way. his conflict w flynn is very interesting too.. i had more thoughts abt him but im currently hungry so i cant recall them.. woops!

estelle: yuri and rita made me feel dumb as hell for not knowing that she was a princess who doesnt need blastia like heyyyy.. i didnt know that.. anyways i love her and i love that shes a book nerd thats very cute 😁 tho ill admit her character is kinda very stereotypical shut-in princess yknow hmm... so ill be seeing what else comes from her character. and im interested in what reason she'll have to continue staying with us.. and she Better stay with us cuz gawddd i need a healer at all times! cuz i SUCK at this combat 😭

repede: i know ur a dog but i hope you'll stop making dog food.... i #Believe that you can make a salisbury steak. i believe in you

karol: MY FRIEND his introduction was kinda random but hes been nothinggg but the most helpful member so far.. except in battle where im still trying to figure out a good strategy for him (he keeps randomly doing nothing agh). but yeah hes my gps buddy... so knowledgable about the world 😁 hes so cute and sweet and his unemployment story is so sadddd.. and #Relatable... i hope he finds employment again soon!

rita: her and estelle are so CUTEEEE together 🥺 i wish they were closer in age just cuz itd be more fitting but ehh 15 and 18 is alright ig. i love how mages are researchers in this world and they can do some computer thingy on blastias... also sidetracking for a sec but im loving how this game is introducing all the blastia shits and the locations of the world, wayyyy better paced than how abyss just threw me in.. grateful for that! back to rita.. i like her too! i like all my party members tbh. shes opening up to estelle more now too which is AWWWWW so very sweet 😭 oh i remembered a thought i had abt yuri. how basically yuri and estelle AND rita will all just throw themselves into danger for the sake of something.. yuri and estelle to protect others, and rita to protect others too but also for the blastia. theyre all crazily selfless 🧐 which made them scolding each other at the inn so ijbol and interesting cuz theyre all so hypocritical lol... telling one another to look after themselves when they arent doing the same 😭 also i like that rita has this very caring and holistic approach to her passion with blastia, abt how it intertwines with people bla bla bla.. very cool!

flynn: INSUFFERABLE GOODY TWO SHOES ohhhh my god this is somebody who irritates me not only fictionally, but also irl if this was an actual persons personality... i really cant stand a person who sticks by the rules 😭 but its very intriguing to me that hes aware that nothing has changed since hes became a captain, and that hes like.. kinda? hoping that yuri, who is not bounded by all this knightly shit, will do something more.. at least thats the vibe im getting. very interested in where thatll go.. also maybe this is an insane reach but he kinda really looks like ioder.. what if that means something 🧐 tho ofc this could also just be how tales of artstyle is w their huge ol googly eyes, and anyone w the same hair and eye color will look alike.. but who knows 🤔

[symphorine]

man. some days i look at my life and i feel lived and some days i look at my life and i feel so, so deeply lonely. and it keeps coming back its been there forever and theres times where it's like im standing in the dark holding the torn ends of the bonds i had with people but im alone, theres no one else. and even when i do feel them, when the bonds are whole and the people are in sight theres always a distance. nobody ever manages to actually reach through.

and like ive solved the suicidal part - ive decided that if im gonna just discard my life then i might as well actually keep it and make it something useful, try and put some good in the world. but i havent solved the loneliness and it keeps coming back and crushing me a little more and suddenly i just dont care about anything or anyone and i could change my name and move on the other side of the world and disappear from peoples lives and, worse than it not mattering to them - and its always oh, theyd be sad but not that sad, yknow, im not essential - it wouldnt matter to /me/

and then im like ok well clearly there's smth im not satisfied with in my life. what is it? what do i want? and it might help if i had an answer but i never fucking do. i dont have drive or passion or inner fire or whatever. hanging on to life to try and hopefully make a positive impact on people is as far as ive gotten. theres nothing else. like ok i COULD do that, follow the loneliness impulse and leave everything behind, and then what? i wouldnt be changed id just be even more lonely. the loneliness sucks rn but at least its somewhat tempered.

idk its like. i feel alone and theres a sort of perpetual fomo and jealousy to see other people reach each other but never me, and then feeling like i should try first, make the overture, but i dont deserve to if im not able to reach either, and itll just be more of the same, trying to fill the hole in my chest that runs so deep i feel it in everything. and then i do reach out and i feel loved but it doesnt stick. and i know its not normal its not how people feel but thats been that way forever. and honestly. what if i did manage to process feelings and emotions like a normal person but it didnt help, because people would still not reach me?

and even when i get far enough that i can think of trying new and different things i have so little energy all the time. what am i supposed to do with that.

idk i feel small and sad and im gonna go to bed.

[no-ctrl]

I miss being your everything. I miss tending to you. I miss cuddling with you. I miss doing absolutely nothing with you. I miss our pillow talk. I miss hearing you talk about things with passion to me even when I didn’t understand but it mattered bc it made you happy. I miss kissing you. I miss you adoring me. I miss pampering you with love. I really just miss you so much and ig sucks but that is not you anymore. I miss watching you sleep. Who would of thought something taht used to get me so mad is something I miss. In 2 weeks it will complete 6 months no contact. 6 months = half a year. Half a year. How are you okay with this? Im literally tortured at least once a month just thinking of you and missing you. You stay in my head rent free. I wonder if you ever stop to think of me. I still do not understand how it was so easy to just leave me like that. I know I will never have the answers I want and I’ll just have to settle with the answers I create in my head. We both know my brain is a danger place if you didn’t give me reassurance. So imagine me now, imagine the reasons I conclude as to why you left me. I got too fat and ugly tht me being crazy was not something you wanted to deal with. Genuinely I still feel tht way. I feel betrayed. Why was it so easy Israel? Like i can’t help but feel like being getting fat and having terrible acne made you not want me. If that was not the case then what was it? I literally gave you everything and more just to have the opportunity to have you by my side and you left me. You left me so many times. You left me hanging back in 2019 when you were upset with me for going to the club for Fridas birthday. You left me in March2020 when you first left for rehab literally 1 week before covid lock down. Then you left again in July 2020 when you left to go back to rehab. You left me again in January 2021 when you decided to waltz in my life for 1 week just to leave the following month. When you decided to come back you relapse so bad you wound up in the hospital in April 2021 just to leave me the following week after traumatizing me so terribly. After that we were on and off with contact through the phone. You ended up coming back home in September 2022 after that. That’s over a year israel. In all of 2022 I was not dating or talking to ANYONE. I was loyal when we did not even have a title and when you came I jumped head first. How could I not? You have been taken away from me in so many occasions why would I deny my love for you? But in the time you came you made me so miserable. You treated me poorly. You made me feel so unlovable like if I did something to deserve that treatment. Like if I did something wrong. I didn’t understand and I still don’t. You chose to break contact with me in January 2023. Now it’s July 2023 and I’m still sad. How could I have gone through all tht for nothing? I tried but ni valió la pena. Im so sad. Why did you do that? Why did you leave me? Why don’t you miss me like I miss you? Why don’t you look for me? Why don’t you care anymore? What did I do to deserve this? You don’t understand how much it kills me how much I just wish I could share my news with you. I wish we could have grown together as individuals and partners. You did not want that bc if you did I would have made it happen. I’m at a crossroads of how could you? And why don’t you? I just am so jaded at the fact that you could have walked away so effortlessly without looking back. I supported you. I was there for you. I tried my best. When I say these things it’s not throw anything in your face but more so how I was willing to do these things in the name of being by your side. Why was that not the case for me? I was 19 when you were deep in your drug addiction but I didn’t run away Israel. I stayed and you left me. How could you leave me after everything? I feel like I’m being wrongfully punished. I feel like a child being scolded. I just wish it wasn’t this way. I wish I could tell you these things. How could I break the no contact when you left me? You chose to stop talking to me.

[mithliya]

Thank youuu 🥺(yes responding immediately bc im still on tumblr rn heheh) that helps a lot ajsks 😭 Im considering nursing, being a paramedic (probably not for long though LMAO), or maybe even social work but i dont know much about it... or maybe working at a shelter. I just don't want to make the wrong decision, but it's nice to hear even med students can manage and gives me a bit more hope <3 ...

Im not really getting the 'traditional' high school experience of lots of fun and freedom (i dont know if many people do maybe thats just from what ive seen on tv...) or even having friends so its part of why im so scared, like when am i gonna fit all that in i feel like im missing out on something crucial..

Again ty that did help 💜💜💜

so basically something in healthcare! that’s really great. you can totally make it happen if it’s sth ur passionate about. social work is quite different from the other two tho afaik.

honestly my high school experience was far from fun & freedom. that was closer to my university experience. honestly school sucked & being a teenager sucked, i think u should look forward to ur next chapter bc at least in my experience it was much nicer & most ppl i’ve met also rly liked that time far more than high school

[rougrotti]

i feel so weird rn and have been lately and idk why. i just feel off and idk what i should do about it? i mean maybe its bc my life is very different than it was just a few months ago but.... idk

[words-for-holland]

Distractions

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: Tom and Y/N decide to work in the same room together. The problem...both of them get easily distracted and a whole lotta fluff comes with it.

A/N: Whoa its been awhile but here we are again! Thank you for 1,000+ followers it means the world! Surprises to come 😉

“Hello beautiful.” Tom greets Y/N with a cheeky smile on his face. He quickly pecks her soft cheek as he places his laptop across from his lovely girlfriend, who was currently focused on her work.

She takes a second to look up, returning his smile with a soft one. “Hey, good looking. What’s up?”

“Nothing really. Is it okay if I work here with you? I just want to be close to my girl.”Tom pouts.

Y/N’s heart could burst at the sight and reason he gave. An inaudible “aw” prolonging through her mind...until she quickly realized that there could be some complications with this as a slight frown starts to replace her dimpled smile. “Wait...are you sure?”, she asks. “Dont you have press interviews that require absolute silence? I doubt any of you will want to hear the constant typing in the background.”

“Yeah, your typing is horrendous with those lead heavy fingertips of yours.” Tom teases.

“Well these lead heavy fingertips aren’t leaving anytime soon, so youre probably better off working elsewhere.” She suggests, pointing off to the distance. Tom groans at the idea, using his one hand to put her finger down. He engulfs hers with his, lacing her fingers and holding on tightly.

“Noooo. Dont wanna be anywhere else. Please darling? ” He pouts once more.

She giggles at his plea, rolling her eyes. “Course you can, bubz.” Tom excitedly scoots his chair in as he rubs his hands together to prep for the work to come.

And work they did...for at least 10 minutes. Tom was getting antsy as he read through his next script. Occasionally his eyes would roll to the left, and observe Y/N as she continued to read through an article on her screen. Not that Tom didnt find his own work fun but he always found watching Y/N do her thing just a bit more interesting.

He hadn’t realized himself, but his body start to shift and lean more towards her. His arm extending to wrap her in, as it glided up and down in a steady motion. His thumb doodling hearts on her shoulder. Tom could tell it had an effect on Y/N, discreetly smirking to himself as he heard her audible shakey sigh.

He wanted to see what else could make her sigh like that, so instead of his thumb he used pointer and middle finger, running them up and down her shoulder. Tom could see the smile creeping on Y/N’s face and her little head shake. She knew what he was up to and yet, Y/N still wanted him to think that he was not gonna get her that easily. But God was it hard. Every touch felt like tiny fireworks against her skin, goosebumps forming all over her body with every touch. She to stay strong. No distractions.

Tom eyes perked up, at the action. He must go further, he thinks. Tom starts to trace his nose from her shoulder to her neck, leaving kisses at her jawline. “C’mon darling. Think its time for a break.”, he whispers in her ear.

She turns her head towards him as she smiles, leaving a quick kiss on Tom’s lips. “Its only been ten minutes.” She laughs. “Five if you want to count the distractions.”

He backs up, pretending to look appalled. “How dare you. I’ve been a good lad focusing on my script for the whole ten minutes.”

A playful glare formed on Y/N’s soft face which ultimately ended her up with a fit of giggles. She couldnt take him seriously, but then again she never did with anything. Tom has always said if they were kidnapped by a pair of robbers, her first reaction would be to laugh. As the laughter died down, Y/N paid her attention back to the screen which had been inactive during the playful banter and continued to type out those set of documents that she had been meaning to get to.

Tom on the other hand was still reading through his script, taking mental notes on how he was going to approach his character. This time he was completely engrossed in his work. His eyes moving left to right with every line he took in. Until...he felt something ticking his lower calves. Tom knew it was Y/N’s foot, by the way it brushed just as he had done with his hand on her shoulder. The movements never stopped, her legs now curling around his own. Y/N was trying to getting back at him, but one thing she always forgot was that Tom always wins.

Naturally he had to the same, and what once became a playful game of footsie, now ended up with Tom shifting Y/N to sit on his lap. Her legs now wrapped around his waist and his hands holding onto her hips. Both of them connecting their soft lips, feeling every spark and essence of love. He looked up at Y/N with admiration, thinking how lucky he is to have her in his life. Yeah Covid sucked for the most part and limited their ability to even do anything exciting outside, but it gave them the opportunity to be with each other far more than they could have on a normal day. On a normal day, Tom would be jumping around country to country while Y/N would be home miles and miles away from him. Course, nothings changed with jumping from country to country, but Tom gets to bring Y/N with him now and thats all that mattered to them.

But work never stopped them from keeping busy. Just as their kisses were getting more heated, and their hands tangling each others hair both their alarms went off. The couple stopped their antics as they leaned their heads back, groaning in synchronization.

“Ughh. Thats my cue. I have to prep for an interview.” He mumbles as he nuzzles into Y/N’s neck.

“I know. I have to get ready for another business meeting. Whoo.” she speaks in a sarcastic manner, dropping her head.

“What time?” He asked pressing a kiss to the shell of her ear.

“Mm...3. Why?”

Tom plays with the strands of her soft hair. “Was wondering if you’ll stay with me through mine and Ill stay with you through yours.”

“As much fun as that would be. I dont think were allowed to —“

“Im not saying we have to be on camera for each others meeting. But if one of us will be off camera itll be all right.” He plans, still looking at his girl with pleading eyes. Y/N’s mouth twitches to the left, her eyes furrowed with suspicion.

“You’re doing it again.” Tom states, a small chuckle escaping his lips.

“Doing what?”

“You’re making that face again.”

Her expression quickly changes to confusion, not entirely sure of what Tom was noticing that she didnt about her own face. “What face?”, she asks.

“The one where you twitch your lips and make your eyes look angry. You only do it when youre indecisive about something. Its bloody adorable.”

Y/N snorts at his comment, and tries to get off to give him time to prepare, only to be stopped by his hands pushing her back down on his lap.

“I was serious about wanting to stay with my girl the whole day while doing work. Please?” He pleads again, this time bringing out the puppy face. “I’ll be good and do the dishes tonight.”

To be fair, Y/N knew she was always gonna say yes to Tom. Its pretty hard to deny her dorky boyfriend when hes asking so sweetly and just wants to spend the day together. More so, if the roles were switched, she would have done the same thing. “Go get changed movie star, before youre late for your interview.” She murmurs to him, kissing his cheek before she scrambles of his lap to sit across from him.

Tom whoops with victory as he runs out the room quickly changing into his shirt, fixing his hair, and adding glasses for that sophisticated touch. Sure he wanted to look his best for the Cherry Press, but he made sure his outfit was something Y/N would very much adore as well.

“How do I look?” Tom asked coming out of their shared bedroom.

Y/N looks up from her computer, and smiles widely. “Handsome as always.” She couldnt take her eyes off of him, admiring every detail of the clothing and how it perfectly complimented Tom’s feature. She eyed him from top to bottom, until she noticed something. “Uhh..honey....you’re not wearing any pants.” She asked a bit confused. Her eyes engrossed in the muscles of his thighs and the fit of his Calvin Klein boxers.

Tom smirks at her. “Its uncomfortable wearing pants. Besides no one will see...except you.” He teases, gently lifting her head up so that her eyes meets his. “Eyes up here love.”

“Youre something else.” She laughs, feeling the heat rise in her cheeks. “Well...least we know who wears the pants in the relationship.”

Tom laughs loudly at her comment. He hooks the waistband of Y/N’s sweatpants and snaps them back to further prove her point. “That was a good one. Ill give you that.” Tom and Y/N high five each other, and then it was press time.

Y/N kept quiet and tried her best to minimize the typing unless it was really needed. Seeing Tom talk about his work and dedication was something that she had always admired about him. He loved his job and everyone can see that. Occasionally they’d steal glances from each other, smiling and holding each others hand under table so that no one could see. But it was just one of those moments that Tom and Y/N couldnt help themselves too. Two hours passed and Tom was free.

“You did so well.” Y/N praised Tom and awarded him with a quick kiss. “I love it when you talk about your passion.”

“Thanks. I love that you were there with me to sit through it all.” He smiles. “I believe its your turn now. It’s almost 3.”

Y/N frowns, knowing shed have to dread through hers. Instead of getting to talk about her passions, itd all be about business, business, business. “Ugh. Do I have to?”she groans.

“Come on now. Dont be like that, you’re gonna be fine. Ill be here with you the whole time.” Tom reassures her with kisses all over her face.

“No distractions?” She asks.

“No distractions.”