#like they're trading cards. literally just this one guy specifically.

[spaciebabie]

most of my followers in my cult have golden skull necklaces and have been around so long its no longer a cult its just one big polycule

[jawbone-xylophone]

please please please talk about yugioh shipping and thematic parallels I wanna know

[vibrates intensely]

Welcome to my ADHD sufferdome. There are no exits. I watched Yugioh like seven years ago, and I'm going into museum work because I am so mentally ill about Ancient Sumer in specific that I needed access to essays, textbooks, and journals on the subject.

This is mostly going to be copied from a Discord rant I did. Credit to @mostlydeadlanguages for their translation of Gilgameš's lament for Enkidu, I needed to explain to my friends quickly why this work is amazing and their translation delivered. Go read all of their stuff now, it's well worth it.

So. I had the stunning realization that Seto Kaiba and Yami Yugi are in a fucking Gilgameš and Enkidu situation.

Gilgamesh was called a god and a man; Enkidu was an animal and a man. It is the story of their becoming human together.

—Herbert Mason, The Epic of Gilgamesh

This is extremely literal. Gilgameš is two-thirds god (everyone is at least one third god), and Enkidu was made from the clay of the field to be raised by beasts.

Enkidu was made specifically to humble Gilgameš and make him a better king. Conversely, the journey to Gilgameš and befriending him serves to civilize Enkidu.

They're both still characterized by their backgrounds and approach any given problem from those perspectives, but by knowing eachother they make eachother better people, and understand what it is to be human.

So.

Let's look briefly at Yami Yugi specifically, because Seto is petty and Yugi isn't enough for him, and Seto Motherfucking Kaiba.

Yami, as this iteration of himself, starts existence utterly feral.

He's everything Victorian guilt has nightmares about, the trope of the Pharaoh's Curse given life, divine justice through the lens of Hammurabi's Code. Shadow and emotion and sadistic satisfaction, pulled along by the primal drive to protect his heart and uphold the laws of the shadow realm.

He doesn't introduce himself, he just starts breaking people and sending them to the asylum.

Then there's Kaiba.

He's also driven around by his metaphorical dick to some extent, highly emotional despite his professed attachment to logic, but he is for all intents and purposes a little tyrant god-king, ruler of a tech development company with enough spare time to pay assassins to collect trading cards for him.

The first few times they clash it's an utter nightmare, because they're the worst versions of themselves and Yami didn't even really have a metaphorical Shamhat to explain anything. He and Yugi don't talk for a while.

Yami uses Mind Crush on this asshole boy genius and probably doesn't expect him to come back, because nobody else has. Mind Crush shatters a soul and forces them to piece themself back together, tormented by illusions of whatever they're susceptible to. The first guy we see it used on was convinced he was swimming in money.

It's one of those "technically not an execution because they could totally get out of it" sentences that traps people in their own vices and nightmares.

And Seto Motherfucking Kaiba manages to wake up from this magically induced soul-searching coma.

But what makes it interesting is that he's still an asshole.

Theoretically, Mind Crush is supposed to force you to confront yourself. And Kaiba did that. And he's still an asshole. There are many reasons I love him.

So what did he fix?

Well, it's nobody else's business, is it? We just have to interpret that by watching the show.

So let's bring it back to the Epic of Gilgameš for a second.

The first time Enkidu meets Gilgameš, he's trying to use the king's right to claim any newlywed bride's wedding night. The bride and her actual groom are very unhappy with this idea, but Gilgameš is a king, two-thirds god, and won't take no for an answer.

So Enkidu tells him off and clocks him in the jaw.

Epic Shonen Anime levels of brawling occur, like a meteor struck the earth, for several days and several nights. Finally, they're both equally beaten and bloody on their backs in the street.

And they trade names. And Gilgameš welcomes Enkidu back to his own home to rest, because no one has matched him this way before.

Let's take a look at Yami and Kaiba.

The first time they really meet, it's about Yugi's Grandpa having a super rare trading card. Grandpa is emotionally attached to this card and not willing to sell it. Not for money, not for life or limb.

Kaiba wants that card like he wants air to breathe, though. He has more money than god and won't take no for an answer. So.

When bribery fails, when his nice mode fails, it's cutthroat business time. Defeat and destroy. He rules a technologically superior gaming company, after all.

Kaiba beats Grandpa at a card game beefed up with enough holograms to give the man a heart attack, and then destroys the card. If he can't have it, no one can.

This pisses Yugi off, which wakes up the Pharaoh, and Yami proceeds to play the game, hand Kaiba his own ass, and Mind Crush him.

Something about these two situations seems very similar to me, and the way they then evolve from this to rivals is fascinating.

Kaiba refuses to believe that Yami is some sort of magical ghost, but he can believe that Yami might be better than him at this one thing, and this is intolerable. I'd almost be tempted to compare his determination to some approximation of bushido, he just has to beat Yami. Granted, this is tempered with other priorities- his brother, spitting on his dad's grave, etc- but it's respect. And Yami respects him back.

Technically I'd be willing to call Yugi the Shamhat to Yami's Enkidu, the one that teaches him the value of friendship and using your words like a person instead of a vengeful ghost. No, their only female best friend does not count At All. She honestly seems kind of incidental to any of their internal character development, and in particular Yami and Yugi's connection to eachother.

Yugi's the one who convinces Yami to stop Mind Crushing people.

All of this culminates in the end of the show, where Yami remembers who he is and moves on to the afterlife after a final duel. But it's not against Kaiba. It can't be. He duels Yugi, the other half of his heart and the only one who could truly defeat him.

In some ways, he dies because he learned how to be mortal again. Because Yugi taught him, all over again, how to be mortal.

(The same way that Shamhat, perhaps, could be seen as responsible for teaching Enkidu the same thing. She brought him into the world of men, just like Yugi solving the puzzle and bringing Yami into the light. Is it any wonder things ended the way they did?)

And Kaiba can't take it.

Yami was his. He had to defeat Yami. He couldn't give a rat's ass if Yugi was the one to defeat Yami, thereby taking the title of the King of Games, that's not the point. It's not about beating the strongest person anymore, no matter what he tells himself, it's about dueling Yami, perhaps the first person he ever saw as an equal.

So he tries, in his own way, to deny death and bring him back.

This is @mostlydeadlanguages 's translation of the Lament for Enkidu.

Listen, young men. Listen to me.

Listen, elders of great Uruk. Listen to me.

I weep for my friend Enkidu;

like a grief-stricken woman, I howl in despair.

The shaft at my side, the bedrock of my strength,

the sword at my belt, the shield before me,

the clothing for my festivals, the sash on my pleasure:

A fiendish force sprang up to snatch him from me.

“My friend, stubborn as a mule, nimble as a donkey, swift as a panther —

oh Enkidu, my friend, stubborn as a mule, nimble as a donkey, swift as a panther —

We were the ones who joined together to scale mountains, who captured and killed the Sacred Bull, who vanquished Humbaba, king of the Cedar Forest.

“So what kind of sleep steals you away now? Darkness cloaks you; you cannot hear me.”

Yet still [Enkidu] did not lift his head.

He felt for his pulse: utterly still.

He veiled his friend’s face like a bride; like an eagle, he circled over him.

Like a lioness robbed of her cubs, he circled back and forth, back and forth.

He tore at his curly hair until it piled up around him; he stripped off his finery and cast it away as anathema.

They said to Gilgamesh,

“Why do your cheeks look sunken, your face gaunt?

Why is your heart broken, your appearance wrecked?

Why does your gut churn in despair?

Why does your face seem so world-weary?

Why do you look scorched by sleet and sun, prowling the wilderness, dressed like a predator?”

Gilgamesh said to them,

“Why wouldn’t my cheeks look sunken, my face gaunt?

Why wouldn’t my heart be broken, my appearance wrecked?

Why wouldn’t my gut churn in despair?

Why wouldn’t my face seem world-weary?

Why wouldn’t I look scorched by sleet and sun, prowling the wilderness, dressed like a predator?

“My friend, stubborn as a mule, nimble as a donkey, swift as a panther —

Enkidu, my friend, stubborn as a mule, nimble as a donkey, swift as a panther —

We were the ones who joined together to scale mountains, who captured and killed the Sacred Bull, who vanquished Humbaba, king of the Cedar Forest, who killed lions in the mountain passes.

“My friend, whom I love fiercely,

who accompanied me through every trial —

Enkidu, my friend, whom I love fiercely,

who accompanied me through every trial –

The fate of all humans has vanquished him.

“For six days and seven nights, I wept over him.

I could not give him up to be buried.

Only after a maggot dropped out of his nose did I […]

“I prowl the wilderness because I’ve become afraid of death.

What happened to my friend was too heavy to endure,

and so I prowl the roads, world-weary.

What happened to Enkidu, my friend, was too heavy to endure,

and so I prowl the paths, world-weary.

“How could I keep quiet? How could I, of all people, fall silent?

My friend, the one I love, has turned to clay.

Enkidu, my friend, the one I love, has turned to clay.

Am I not like him? Will I not lie in rest, never to stir again, forever and ever?”

The worst part of it is, Yami is dead and there is no body. Yami is dead and his body is alive. Yugi's there, walking and talking and laughing, and Yami will never be behind those eyes again. There isn't even a funeral.

Kaiba has never had to mourn before. He killed his own asshole father. Anytime someone kidnapped his brother or stole his brother's soul, he could just get the kid back. With extreme effort, but it was possible. He has money, resources, his youth, and his intelligence. They've gotten him everything he wants before. He should be able to bring Yami back.

But he can't.

His friend, whom he loves, has turned to clay. Just a carving in a tomb, just a line in a fulfilled prophecy, his story over. And that's the end of it.

Perhaps worse still, Yami was never made for Kaiba- he was always one half of Yugi. In some ways the second they met he was already leaving, and the second he was "born" he was already dying. Kaiba, no matter how you want to read it, fell in some kind of platonic or romantic or otherwise love with a dead man, the same way Gilgameš fell in love with the tool made to keep him to heel. And that man needed to die. That tool, eventually, needed to be used to teach him his final lesson, and the man who ruled the world suddenly had nothing at all. The sun still shone, the birds still sang, but his friend had turned to clay.

[transcript: The corpse sinks to the floor... the vessel becomes sand, becomes dust... even the brightest gold, even the sharpest sword... is wrapped in the sheath of time... woe to the pharaoh, for his body lacks even his name... time is the battlefield of souls... I cry the song of battle, the song of a friend... to the place far away where our souls meet... guide me...]

In Yugioh, the protagonists have lived before. Kaiba and Yami-and-Yugi were High Priest Seth and the Pharaoh Atem respectively, and Seth also had to bury his friend. They were significantly more emotionally available to eachother, from what I can tell, so it didn't have to be couched in the safe distance of "I just want to duel you for the rest of my life". The above is what he wrote to commemorate Atem's death, and it is implied that even in Seth's current incarnation as Kaiba, staunch disbeliever in magic and souls and merrily frolicking through meadows, his determination to duel Yami even in the throes of his own madness was some part of his soul yearning to connect with Atem in this new life. Even if that connection was based on elaborate traps and death threats, but hey. We all start somewhere. Enkidu and Gilgameš had a vicious street brawl.

What Enkidu didn't know, though, was that Gilgameš was waiting for him. Some part of the king knew, and was waiting, and was dreaming of a change to his life so extreme that it would fall on his land like a meteor. He had to visit his mother and ask for dream interpretation, because really, what do you conclude from a front row seat to the idea that an axe will fall into your hand, that fits your grasp like a lover and all the world will envy?

Honestly, this is why connections doomed by the narrative are so much fun. Yes, you're going to learn a hard lesson and the force of your grief will eternally alter the brain chemistry of an ADHD nerd six thousand years hence. But it's worth it anyway, because your best friend might be clay, but he'll be clay six thousand years hence and some ADHD nerd will fervently shanghai a group call to tell the story over, and over, and over again.

Don't forget to visit that translator's Tumblr page, their stuff is really cool.

[feanor-the-dragon]

Story time!

Related to some recent asks...

I have a habit of wandering into situations and places that are kind of... other. I have a habit of being just dumb enough to be the correct amount of polite. I literally don’t offer my name unless someone else tells me theirs first, because that's just how I am, really. Otherwise, I’ll just end up calling you “man,” or “dude” or “buddy” or something like that. I have been lucky enough to never run into any Neighbors that ask for my name. They never seem to expect me to show up. They also never seem to particularly mind. Being friendly pays, my dudes.

One of my favorite places I’ve wandered into was a tabletop gaming store that had been closed down pretty much since I’d moved to the area for college. One day, I drove by and saw that it was open, and was like, fuck yea, gonna go buy some magic cards and maybe some dice. And in I go. The people inside just kind of, looked at me... I said hello, asked them how they’re doing. They all responded with variations of “Fine, and you?” before returning to whatever they’d been doing. Immediately, obviously, something is off. I’m not sure what it is. I figure it’s just because I’ve never been here before.

One of them is sitting and making dice at a set of molds, so, naturally, having never seen anyone make custom dice before, I asked if I can watch him, and he said sure and gestured to an empty chair beside him. I sat and watched him work, asking questions about his process. At this point, things felt more than a little off, but I always feel like that when I walk into a new place. Besides that, I actually felt very... comfortable, which is unusual for me around new people in a place I don’t know. I certainly didn’t feel like I was in any danger. We made pleasant small talk about DnD for a but. At the time, I didn’t think much of the fact that I’ve never heard of the modules he was mentioning. It’s a big hobby after all. I couldn't find anything about any of them when I searched google later though, and I forgot what they were called shortly after that.

“You look like a dragon guy,” he says eventually. And I’m like, heck yea I am. He offers to make me a custom die.

“Oh? Cool! How much?”

“A gift, freely given.”

At that point, my situation hits me like a truck. My face locks into the same pleasant smile, but inside, I’m like, “oh fuck, oh shit, oh jeez, this isn’t Kansas anymore. That’s what seems off. This place has been closed forever but it looks lived in and maintained even though it was closed and half-gutted yesterday. This is it. This is how i get my dumb ass stolen by the Neighbors.”

That thought died pretty quickly though, cause I still didn’t feel unsafe, and my ADHD ass has never failed to be anxious in a dangerous situation. I was blessed and cursed with that... I have a pretty reliable gut instinct. As in, always spot-on (often downright clairvoyant when it comes to random urges to bring random things with me that I actually end up needing later)... when I fucking listen to it. I’m almost always anxious around new people and in new situations, so I tend try to ignore my anxiety as much as possible unless it’s a particularly pointed danger signal. I wasn’t anxious at all though, and I certainly wasn’t getting any danger vibes, so... I just, answered with something like “That’d be real neat. I’d like that.” You know, pointedly avoiding saying “thank you.”

The guy at the counter gave like, one bark of laughter and said, “I like this guy. He’s real polite. Make him a nice one, man.”

And the one making the dice replied, “I’m going to.” and then he asked me not to watch him work on this one.

I nodded and walked over to the counter, tried to look at the Magic the Gathering cards, and realized I couldn’t quite read them. Being a geek, I had a deck or two in my bag, which I brought in because it was a tabletop shop. I pulled one out, pulled out my Dragon Broodmother card, and asked the guy behind the counter if he had any of them for trade. I said “for trade” specifically, because I doubted they accepted visa debit.

He laughed again. He had a friendly laugh. I got the feeling he didn’t laugh in a friendly way very often. not with humans, at least? Anyway, he says, "let me see what I’ve got," turns around, rummages through a box for a moment, and turns around again with one in his hand.

“What do you have to trade for it?”

Now, I have always been excellent at bargaining when trading magic cards, partially because I have a habit of pulling good cards from booster packs and partially because I have little to no interest in several types of cards, and so, I end up in possession of particularly rare or sought-after ones that I don’t want, and I learned by accident that looking confused at someone’s desperation for a card I don’t want can be interpreted as not feeling like they’re offering enough. I got really good at using that.

I did not want to try that here. I knew better than that. I knew enough about Them to know that whatever I was trading needed to be something that was valuable to me. My dirty secret: if I have a card in a deck, then it is my fucking baby, my child. I treat the cards I play like they’re damn pokemon or something. Sacrificing tokens is fine, but letting one of my creature cards die always hurts a little, cause I’m attached to that card. I figured I’d have to trade a card that I actually use.

I pull out my gryphon deck. My gryphon deck should suck, because gryphons don’t really balance well, but I love the thing to pieces anyway because (a) gryphons are fucking awesome and (b) when it runs just right and the mana flows like I need it to that thing will wreck people’s shit (it’s all about supporting them with soldiers, my dudes). I pull out one of my two boreal gryphons. Are they very good cards? No. they need snow mana to use well and I have none of that. But, I fucking love the artwork, and I’d only ever come across the two that I had.

“I have a boreal gryphon. He’s loyal if you know how to run em, and he looks amazing.”

Another laugh.

“That’s a deal.”

Cards change hands. We talk deck-building, I learn a few things from the guy, and he actually learns a few things from me (trying really hard to build good decks around cards that pretty much just look cool will teach you some things, my dudes).

Finally the dicemaking guy walks over and sets the die in front of me. It’s literally just this:

It looks exactly like this. You can buy one that looks just like it anywhere on the internet. And I. Fucking. Love it.

“Freely given,” he says.

I smile, hand him my blue-quartz-looking d20 life counter, and say, “Freely given.”

I am nothing if not slightly paranoid. The guy at the counter laughs again.

I decide it is very much time to leave, pack up my shit, and gtfo.

Later, I tried to show a friend the shop, and it was closed and half-gutted again.

I still have the die. It’s name is Fafnir. It almost always rolls between 16 and 20 for me. I have never rolled a 1 with it except for a couple of instances where, for hilarity, I was hoping to. Friends have claimed it’s loaded. They are always welcome to try it. It will almost always roll between 1 and 6 for them.

I also still have the Dragon Broodmother card. It always seems to come to my hand when I’m ready to use it. And people seem to forget it’s on the field, even though it’s spewing a dragon token with flying at the beginning of every single player’s turn. Even though with Impact Tremors, they're taking damage every time that happens. They kill my other broodmother the first chance they get.

And that’s the story of how I ended up with a +3 Enchanted D20 and a +1 MTG card of Ridiculous Timeliness and Subtlety.