#like they’re always each other’s no. 1 and it’s absolutely unconditional. like even when they’re fighting they’ll take care of each other

[pinkslipxox]

could you do a fic like a compilation when Billie have spoke about her kids (the twins) in an interview

hola mi amor! I did a compilation of Billie talking about her twins from newborns to two year olds, hope you like it 😘🥰

——————————————————————————

Newborns:

The bright studio lights shone on Billie Eilish, her usual edgy style softened by a gentle, almost ethereal glow. She sat poised and composed, yet a nervous energy thrummed beneath the surface, a quiet anticipation in the way she clasped her hands. The interviewer, a seasoned professional, leaned forward, his voice a smooth baritone.

"Billie," he began, "you've always been very private about your personal life. But recently, you've become a mother. Can you share a little bit about that experience?"

Billie paused, a soft smile gracing her lips. The usual enigmatic aura that surrounded her seemed to dissipate, replaced by a radiant warmth. "It's… overwhelming," she confessed, her voice soft and tinged with emotion. "In the best possible way."

She spoke about Ava and Mia, her twin daughters, her words filled with a quiet reverence. "They're… amazing. Tiny little humans, full of so much life and energy. Ava's a little more serious, always observing. Mia’s a bit more mischievous, always smiling." A genuine laugh, light and airy, escaped her lips.

The interviewer nodded, encouraging her to continue.

Billie continued, her eyes glistening slightly. "It's changed everything," she said, her voice catching slightly. "My perspective, my priorities… everything. It's hard to explain. It's just… unconditional love. Pure, unadulterated love."

She paused, taking a deep breath, her usual composure momentarily faltering. "And Y/N…" she began, her voice softening even further. "My wife… she's incredible. She's the strongest person I know. She's been amazing through all of this." Her voice cracked, and she quickly wiped away a stray tear. "She's my rock, my everything. I don’t know what I would do without her."

***

Six Months Old:

"Billie," the interviewer began, poised and ready, "you've become a mother of twins! How's that changed your world?”

Billie smiled, a genuine, heart-warming smile that reached her eyes. "It's… chaotic," she admitted, her voice soft and warm. "Pure, beautiful chaos. But the best kind of chaos." She paused, her fingers gently tracing a small, barely-there ring on her left hand.

"They're six months old now, Ava and Mia," she continued, her voice filled with a quiet pride. "And they’re already so different. Ava's a little more serious, very observant. She’ll just stare at you intensely, like she's figuring out your whole life story. Mia, on the other hand… well, Mia's a little comedian."

A soft laugh escaped her lips, a sound both light and happy. "The other day," she recounted, her eyes twinkling, "we were trying to give them a bath. It’s always a bit of a production, right? Lots of screaming and splashing. Well, Mia, in the midst of all the chaos, managed to grab a rubber ducky and completely submerge it in the soapy water, then proceed to drink the soapy water from the duck’s little mouth. It was absolutely disgusting, but also… hilarious."

Billie chuckled again, her shoulders shaking with laughter. The studio audience mirrored her amusement, their laughter a ripple of shared joy.

"Y/N and I just looked at each other," Billie recounted, "and started laughing. It was utter mayhem, but it was also pure, unadulterated joy. It’s moments like that, the messy, crazy moments, that I treasure the most. It's the stuff that makes the everyday incredible."

She paused, her expression softening. "They’re my whole world. Y/N and I, we’re learning as we go, but the love… it’s something I never knew existed, you know? It’s overwhelming, but in the best possible way. I never thought I could feel this much love for anyone or anything."

***

1 Year Olds:

Billie sat comfortably, radiating a quiet contentment that was far removed from her sometimes enigmatic public persona. The interviewer, a seasoned professional, smiled warmly.

"Billie," he began, "Happy belated birthday to your twin daughters! Ava and Mia just turned one."

Billie's face lit up. "Thank you!" she replied, her voice soft and full of warmth. "It was such a special day." She paused, a wistful smile playing on her lips. "It’s hard to believe they’re already a year old. It feels like just yesterday we were bringing them home from the hospital."

She launched into a description of Ava and Mia’s first birthday party, her voice brimming with affection. "We kept it pretty small," she explained. "Just close family and friends. Y/N and I planned everything together – it was a real team effort." A soft blush colored her cheeks as she mentioned her wife.

"We had a little 'twins' theme," she continued, her eyes sparkling. "We made sure there were plenty of toys, soft blankets and lots of delicious, baby-friendly food. Ava and Mia mostly just stared at everything with wide eyes. Ava seemed fascinated by the balloons. Mia mostly wanted to try and eat everything, even the flowers!" She chuckled, a warm, melodic sound that filled the studio.

"The cake," she said, her voice softening, "was the best part. A double-decker, each layer decorated differently. We had a little photoshoot, but they were more interested in grabbing the frosting!"

Billie's voice took on a sweeter tone as she recounted a particular moment. "Y/N captured this amazing picture of Ava reaching out and grabbing Mia's hand. It was so pure and sweet, it made me cry." Her usual guarded demeanor was gone; in its place, a tender and profoundly loving mother glowed through. "It was a really special moment. It perfectly captured the essence of what having twins is like – this beautiful, messy, and chaotic love."

The interviewer nodded, his gaze gentle and understanding.

Billie concluded with a soft sigh, a faraway look in her eyes. "It was the most perfect day. Being able to celebrate our beautiful girls with the people we love, all under one roof… it doesn't get much better than that."

***

18 Months Old:

The gently slow radiating off Billie was palpable. Gone was the usual edgy attire; she was dressed in something soft and comfortable, her hair pulled back in a simple style. She looked relaxed, content, and utterly radiant. The interviewer smiled warmly.

"Billie," he began, "your twin daughters, Ava and Mia, are about to turn two. Can you believe it?"

Billie's eyes widened slightly, a mixture of disbelief and wonder in their depths. "I can't," she breathed, her voice hushed with emotion. "It feels like just yesterday they were tiny newborns. Now they're running around, exploring the world, getting into everything!" A gentle laugh escaped her lips, a sound full of love and wonder.

She described Ava and Mia's personalities, her voice soft and tender. "Ava is still our little observer. She's so thoughtful, always watching, taking everything in. Mia… well, Mia is still our little comedian. She's always cracking us up, getting into mischief. She just loves making faces and being silly!"

The interviewer nodded, prompting her to continue.

Billie's gaze softened as she talked about her wife, Y/N. "Y/N is incredible," she said, her voice filled with reverence and love. "As a partner, she's my rock. She’s my best friend, my confidante, my everything. And as a mother? She’s simply extraordinary. She’s so patient, so loving, so incredibly strong. Seeing her with Ava and Mia fills my heart with so much joy. She’s an amazing mother. I’m so lucky to have her."

Billie’s usual guarded demeanor seemed to completely melt away. She spoke with such genuine warmth and affection, a tenderness that radiated through the studio. Her eyes shone with a soft glow, conveying a depth of emotion rarely glimpsed in her public appearances.

"These past eighteen months have been the most challenging, yet most rewarding of my life," she confessed. "There are moments of utter exhaustion, moments of frustration, moments where I feel completely overwhelmed. But there are so many moments of pure, unadulterated joy that make it all worthwhile. Every tiny milestone, every giggle, every cuddle… it's all worth it. They’re perfect, both of them."

***

2 Years Old:

The interviewer smiled softly. “Billie," he started, "your twin daughters, Ava and Mia, just turned two. What’s that like?"

Billie smiled, a genuine, heartwarming smile that crinkled the corners of her eyes. "It's…intense," she admitted, her voice soft and warm. "The terrible twos are definitely living up to their name! It's a rollercoaster of emotions – pure joy, utter chaos, and everything in between. But seeing them reach these milestones is so incredible, it makes all the challenges worth it."

She recounted a recent moment with a proud chuckle. "Just yesterday, Ava finally figured out how to stack her blocks. She was so proud of herself, and watching her tiny face light up with accomplishment melted my heart. And Mia? Oh, Mia finally mastered walking backwards. She thinks it's the funniest thing ever." She shook her head, a mixture of amusement and love in her eyes.

The interviewer nodded, encouraging her to continue.

Billie's gaze softened as she turned to talk about her wife, Y/N. "Y/N is my hero," she said, her voice filled with deep admiration. "She's so amazing with them. She’s the calm amidst the storm. Seriously, I don’t know what I’d do without her. We’re a team, a real partnership. Y/N is not just an incredible mother, but also my best friend and my greatest source of support. Watching her navigate motherhood with such grace and patience is truly inspiring. She's just incredible."

She paused, reflecting for a moment. "Motherhood is the most challenging and rewarding experience of my life. It's exhausting, messy, and frequently overwhelming. But there's this unbelievable joy, this unbreakable bond, that makes it all worthwhile. Ava and Mia are teaching me so much about love, patience, and resilience. It's beautiful, really."

A gentle tear escaped her eye, and she quickly brushed it away with a self-deprecating smile. "I’m a mess, aren't I?" she whispered. But there was no embarrassment, only a profound and beautiful vulnerability, a testament to the overwhelming love she felt for her family. The interview became less of a professional engagement and more a tender sharing of her life's most profound joys, a heart-warming glimpse into the life of a devoted mother and wife, blissfully in love with her family.

[padfootastic]

Can you be awesome and give me some well thought out prongsfoot headcanons? (If you have the time), I want to write a story with then and I need more on their dynamic, than just the basics.

(Friendship and Romantic! 😁)

omg hi yes!! i’ve never gotten an ask like this, i don’t think, and my hcs usually develop during stories so let’s see if i can do it :p

x

- soulmates in every universe, if not romantic then definitely platonic. they’ll find their way to each other, always.

- james has a crooked nose that sirius loves kissing. he’s very possessive about it, actually

- j might be generally a bit thick bc of the whole spoiled-only-child thing but he’s particularly attuned to sirius’ moods and emotions. i can imagine him writing long ass letters to his parents in the first few years whenever something tripped him up (which was, ykno, everything considering how sheltered he was) to so for help and sirius featured a lot in this (mum, how do i help with nightmares? mum, he doesn’t like treacle tart what do i doooooo, mum he wasn’t allowed to fly as a kid this is a travesty, mum he’s sad a lot and chai doesn’t always help, mum i don’t know how to make him smile etc etc)

- this one’s controversial, i think, but i love thinking of sirius as modelling james’ behaviour. we know he grew up being fed violent hatred + a superiority complex the size of Everest yeah? fully believe his process of unlearning started with james (the first time he used the word mudblood, our boy probably clutched his pearls, scandalised, ‘what are you doing u can’t say that!!’ so sirius started turning to j as a barometer for how to act, sometimes, bc he realised he couldn’t trust his family (and by extension, his own) behaviour. this isn’t instant, mind, but a gradual, time & labor intensive process and even after he grew out of it, i think sirius had this subconscious tendency to look for james’ approval.

- i hate the whole ‘james matured for a girl’ arc so my take on it is that his ‘growth’ came from a combination of ailing, elderly parents + rising war tensions + most importantly, sirius. end of 5th year he got a first hand view into the treatment his best mate received by his family and that horror made him want to be the best he could for sirius. i’ve always seen james as a protector and a caregiver, someone who takes people under his wing & looks after them, and i don’t think it was ever more obvious than around sirius. post 5th year, he gained a focus that he lacked before and would spend a lot of time just picking up on skills that could help him be better. duelling, defence, first aid, knitting, cooking etc etc. anything to feel useful.

- the shift from friendship to romantic would be tricky & probably require outside intervention or a lot of time, i think. they were already so close as friends that it just never occurs to them to take it any further ykno? their hearts & souls are intertwined, they’re super physically affectionate, and they’re already each other’s no. 1. so someone either has to bring it to their attention, they take yeaaaaars to realise ‘huh. this isn’t how i feel towards others’ or they live a wonderfully fulfilling qpp life together.

- i’ve talked about this before but physical!!! affection!!! and not just in terms of like, kisses or hugs but touch. they’re always in contact in some way. it’s comforting, safe. arms around waists, shoulders, hips/chin resting on the other, leg slung across, hand on a back or leg. you get it right? it’s subconscious, it’s natural, and they don’t even realise they’re doing it unless someone points it out

- sunshine and sunshine protector!!!! james was loud and brash and took all the space in a room. he was also sensitive bc he’s not told no often so when it has to be done, u need to do it in a certain way so he doesn’t internalise it as a personal failing and shut down. sirius is the best one to do it bc he can stand up to james w/o being intimidated + realise that the carrot works better than the stick w him. there’s a very real risk of his light fading out. at the same time, this makes sirius very protective of him. it’s why i wrote shovel talk. even in a universe where lily & sirius were friends, i think he’ll have a Talk with her to confirm her intentions. sirius is not willing to take chances with his james.

- pet names! james called sirius darling and my love and honey and sweetheart because he’s an old soul in a young body. sirius called james love (and sometime babe/baby). their go to for each other was ‘si’ and ‘jamie’ respectively, which was a term of affection on its own bc only they used it, no one else.

- james has *always* been attracted to sirius; he just didn’t realise it bc he thought this was how everyone felt towards sirius. ‘oh yeah he’s so ethereally beautiful, it’s just like, a fact of life and everyone knows it’ and thinks the random boners are normal until one day he realised that, no, that’s not actually the norm & he’s just a simp who thinks everything sirius does is perfect (think chin in hand, heart eyes, sighing)

x

ok i’m gonna cut myself off here bc this is already criminally long but i think it’s pretty clear i can go on for days lol. i tried to include both but i’m not great w romantic so i hope that came thru 🙈🙈

pls tag me in ur story when u write it (even if the hcs don’t help lol u can still use them in a process of elimination to find ur niche)!! i’d love, love , love to read it + always here if u wanna brainstorm 💜

[clambuoyance]

do you have any favorite hyper-specific tropes you enjoy? like a certain line of dialogue or character type or something

OKAY LETS SEE

1) Since it’s on the mind bc of toh—i’m an absolute sucker for found siblings. Of course, i enjoy the found family trope in general and most variations (middleaged character adopting a random ass kid, etc etc) , but when its focus is on siblings? I eat that shit upppp. I mean relationships like luz and hunter, any of the dc families tbh, the rgb siblings (nya lloyd kai), or my ocs keiko and rolin—they scratch a special part of my brain.

Maybe its because i’m eldest sibling myself, and my brother is only two years younger making us pretty close in age, but i just really like sibling relationships and they hit more than parent/child ones for me😭🙏 We don’t always get along, but i’d say we have a pretty strong relationship now

Something about going through the same motions, esp if ur both still trying to find ur place in the world, and knowing you have someone to rely on is just so special to me. Even with blood siblings, it doesn’t really feel like unconditional love at first. Like, you have to choose to be someone who will care and be there for them. Urgh idk it just feels different even though with parents it’s also a choice to care about someone. Like with a parent or guardian, it’s like you want to expect them to have all the answers, but with someone closer to ur age who chooses to treat you like family, it’s like—well we both don’t know what we’re doing but we have each other to lean on.

And the “found” part isn’t necessary but just a nice treat bc i feel like it highlights that Active choosing to care for someone like family. waaah. Like Kai in s1 of ninjago having a whole arc that leads to him leaving behind his own desires to save tiny lloyd, and then literally promising to always look after lloyd after , or luz promising to keep hunter safe bc he’s family now, and then my story with my ocs rolin n keiko is all about them becoming siblings to each other😭 it just makes me feel sooo emotional

also sibling banter 💥💥💥 i feel like u can say more uncalled for shit w siblings

So yeah if you look at my list of faves don’t be surprised if u see a lot of characters who have a significant sibling relationship in their story 🙏

2) Now i dont know if this counts as a trope, but as for fave character type theres usually this One scene that makes me go Oh i love them. and that scene or line tends to go like this: Character up to this point has shown a fun, perhaps confident or carefree personality, but as soon as they’re alone, it’s revealed to the audience they’re capable of feeling so much more. Idk i guess im thinking kon at the campfire, or wukong in lmk specifically always being chill then being serious when he’s alone

3) Also in category of things that make me love a character: slapstick comedy to highlight dorkiness. or honestly just any type of comedy that undercuts a character’s supposed Cool/Importance Factor. 💀 like the amount of slapstick a character goes through has to be proportional to how unaware the character is of their own dorkiness. Im thinking Kai bumping his head while threatening garmadon or bragging about his skills only to get slammed by a tree (or a rock. or a wall. the list goes on.). Or Kon saying he’s fine cuz he can fly only to wham his head when the ship turns and then subsequently get flung around while the ship flies, or slamming his face straight into the ground cuz he’s an idiot.

Or like, Karkat’s whole thing. he’s a walking clown circus. sollux going “do NOT run that computer virus” and karkat ignoring him only for the computer to explode in his face. idk that shit makes me laugh

4) When characters start talking about how they don’t wanna be left behind—it depends on the writing but that usually Hits for me 😭

um i could probably think of more but thats all i got for now

[danielxricciardo]

for the song prompt list #38 with max please 🥺

Summary: One sided love with Max Verstappen

Warnings: angst, swearing

Word count: 2.7k

38. “You wouldn’t know love if it crushed your fucking chest.”

One-sided love is like waiting for something that is never going to happen. It is like looking into those eyes that will never look back into yours. It is like having someone in your heart but not in your arms. It is suffocating. It starts eating you from inside.

It starts from the moment you meet them. The eye contact that chills your spine, the butterflies somersaulting in your stomach, just the mere thought of them sends goosebumps all over your skin. Your eyes wander and you can't concentrate whenever they're around; despite feeling a little embarrassed for approaching them, you do so anyway and exchange numbers in the hope that at least a friendship will develop. I mean, they're cool, you're cool, you should hang out or something. Or whatever.

It becomes harder to remain nonchalant. Your moderate interest in this person turns into the non-stop checking of your phone to see if they've contacted you... absolute elation when they do, and utter, utter despair when they don't. But you keep telling yourself that it's cool, you don't even know them that well, and they probably don't even want to know you (otherwise they would be making an effort by now, right?).

They text you something vague and impersonal every once in a while, and this is enough to send your heart soaring into the sky. You respond straight away, and they don't. And as this continues, your self-esteem begins to drop, and you question everything.

Why aren't they contacting me? I expect they're just busy. Or is it me? Are three texts in a row too much? I don't wanna seem stalkerish... but I don't want to look like I don't care about them. Am I too fat? Would they prefer me if I lost weight, or had a car, or my own place? Probably. Why am I thinking about them? They'd never think about me like this.

It hurts, from the pit of your stomach to the backs of your eyes. You can't concentrate on anything. You forego activities with friends and family, to keep yourself available for this person just in case they want to meet up with you. You feel sick every day, your appetite drops, your enthusiasm for everything decreases, and you are left with the most bitter, raging emptiness you've ever felt in your whole life. And it's all your fault.

Despite the pain it causes you, you carry on quietly pursuing this person. You silently scream to yourself 'THEY'RE OUT OF MY LEAGUE! THEY WILL NEVER EVER WANT TO BE WITH ME! DON'T THINK ABOUT THEM!' but it's so overwhelming to hear yourself saying it that you try and ignore the voice of reason inside your head. Because right now, your heart is taking control, and there's nothing you can do about it.

You wish they were a part of you, that they could give you a chance, to let you be the best partner that you could possibly be. You wish you could hold them, and talk to them, and kiss them, and sleep beside them, and protect them... but you can't.

The reason you put yourself through all this pain, is a simple fact that you love this person so, so much. And even though the rational side of you is telling you to give up, a small, pathetic part of you says 'They might care about you one day...'

It hurts. Hurts real bad.

True Love doesn’t hurt. Expectations, possessiveness, insecurity, jealousy, and emotions do.

Memories don't hurt. Love doesn't hurt. It is the attachment that hurts. It is the expectation that hurts. It is the imagined future that is now broken that hurts.

Unrequited love hurts the most. You will love someone no matter what they have done to you and that someone may not love you back no matter what you do. That hurts. Those expectations hurt.

To love is always selfless and that feeling is always unconditional. Love is always unconditional. It may sting seeing him with someone else, but you will be happy for him for their happiness is more important to you when you truly love them.

When we lose someone that we love so truly and they walk out of your life for some reason, it hurts. This doesn't mean memories will haunt us. It is the collapsed future that hurts us. Living in the past with the ones we love brings us tears, not because that is lost, but because there was something that could have been forever, but it isn't now. That hurts. That stings and we tend to associate it with good memories. Sometimes we love people more than the memories they gave us. We fall for the person, not just for the memories. We love, we live life to create beautiful memories for us and the loved ones around us.

Expectations hurt in proportion to the emotional investment. Whenever we are too much attached to someone or something, we grow attachment and that attachment leads to expectations. These expectations when fulfilled are an awesome experience. But when we are too much emotionally invested and when those dreams aren't coming true, it stings and hurts and kills from within.

Getting over it is by forgiving and moving on with life accepting that you will never get over that true love. Forgiveness is your trait. It solely depends on you and not on the other person. You want to forgive them because you want peace of mind and don't want to hold grudges against anyone in your life.

Feelings and emotions are real. If you truly love a person, you will love them forever, even though they can't see you that way. That's why love is always unconditional. You love that person because you want to, not because you have that hope that someday he will love you back. If you just hope for being loved back, that's not love, to begin with, it is just some business deal. You love him because your feelings for him are real, deep, and true.

You met Max a long time ago. You were both in Formula 3 in 2014 and got along really well. You started to see each other outside of racing and after a while, you could call yourself friends. But you had feelings for him. Even before you get to know each other properly. You tried so hard to show him that you were interested in him, but nothing. Either he was oblivious or he was not interested in you. Either way, you were hurt, and that was seen in the way you competed. You lost your ambition, there were some days when you cried before the race because you didn't feel able to compete, and Max had no idea you were feeling that way because you wouldn't let him see you when you were at your lowest point.

You gave up racing and Max ended up competing in Formula 1. You weren't jealous of him, you knew you never had a chance to get there, but he deserved it, and all the hard work he put in helped him. You were with him, you encouraged him every time, on the phone, if you could not travel, or in person when he asked you to be with him.

'I need my best friend, Y/N, please. Can you come to the race on the weekend?'

And no matter how much it hurt you to hear that he considered you just his best friend, you wouldn't let your tears fall on your cheeks and tell him you'd be there for the weekend. Every time. It doesn't matter that you had something else planned, you never refused him.

"Oh my God, thank you so much for coming!" you heard Max. You look up and see your best friend coming towards you, ready to hug you. You instantly smiled. No matter how you would feel when you see him you can't help but smile.

"Of course I came. I wouldn't be anywhere else," you say and you are taken by surprise by the sincerity with which you uttered those words.

He takes you to meet some people and you were happy because he seemed well, he seemed delighted with his place there.

"Do you miss it?" you heard Daniel asking you, but you had no idea what he was talking about. "The racing," he continued as if he had read your thoughts and knew you had no idea what he was talking about.

"Oh," you shrug nonchalantly. "I mean, yeah, sometimes, but it's fine."

"Is it?"

"What do you mean?"

"Clearly your mind is somewhere else. I thought it was because you were here and that brought back some racing memories, but it's different, isn't it?"

"Okay, Daniel, I appreciate the free therapy session, but I'm fine, seriously. I'm just happy to be here to encourage Max."

"Talking about me? Man, I'm feeling like a superstar," your best friend says coming between you. "I don't know about you guys but I want to get drunk."

"Are you even allowed to get drunk? It's Wednesday, don't you have press conferences tomorrow?"

"I'm in!" Daniel says and you roll your eyes. Of course he is.

Getting drunk with two boys you swear have ADHD was not a good idea.

Technically speaking, you weren't drunk, you drank a bottle of beer all night so you could take care of the two boys. Drunk Daniel was ok. He was not very agitated, he was even calmer than usual. He was sitting on the couch, laughing louder than usual, but it wasn't a cause of concern for you. Max on the other hand was a different story. Being drunk, he seemed very attracted to the balcony and that stressed you a lot. You tried to explain to him that it is dangerous on the balcony and that it is much more fun inside. You hardly convinced him.

"You're not funny at all, Y/N!"

"I'd rather know you're alive, Max."

Daniel went to bed at about 11:30 PM, but Max showed no signs of being tired. No matter how much you told him about tomorrow's busy schedule, he didn't seem to care.

You were lying on the couch, staring at the TV, and Max was on the floor, quietly for once. You wanted to ask him if he was feeling well, but he spoke before you could say something.

"Do you believe in love?"

Those five words knocked the air out of your lungs. Love? What made him ask you about love?

"Yes, I do," you answer and hope that he'll be satisfied with what you said.

"What is love anyway?"

"That depends, Max. Love is different for everybody."

"Well," he said and turns to look at you. "What is love for you?"

You sighed. What was love for you? Max. But you can't say that.

"Love is a broad term, Max. It can have different meanings for different people and can vary according to the context. At times love is synonymous with respect. At others, it is all about caring and sharing. At still others, it is a trail of concern, affection, and connection."

You didn't know you started to cry until Max kindly wiped off the tears on your face. Who would have thought that talking about love in front of the person you loved the most in this world would have made you cry? You whisper a 'thank you' to Max and get up to take a napkin from the kitchen.

"We're best friends, right?" you hear him coming towards you and he sits down on the kitchen chair.

"Sure," you answer, wiping away your tears.

"What you described. About love... I think I feel that for someone."

You heard something break and you were sure it was your heart. What you felt in that moment was what? Jealousy? This is human behavior. We, people, have the tendency to imagine ourselves with the person on whom we develop our crush. And this is totally normal, everyone does that.

Initially, it's all roses and unicorns. We start to imagine how our life would be with the other person, how we would treat them, what gifts we would give them, how we will take their pain away and how we will happily live after.

But life doesn’t work how we want it to work, does it? Then comes the second phase where we start to realize the differences between you and your crush, but still we hold on to it because in our minds that person is just too perfect to be wrong.

And then comes the thirds phase where we see our crush getting into a relationship with someone else. We even think that our crush doesn’t deserve that person, my crush deserves me! I’m better than that person. But that’s how it works, things fall apart. They break. That’s life. And at that moment, it broke your heart and you knew you want to know nothing about that other person. But you were hurt. He was drunk, yes, but you still had a crush on him, even if your feelings for him couldn't be reciprocal.

"That's... That's great, Max," you bit your lip to stop your tears from falling. "Let's go to bed."

"I think I always loved this girl but I never told her. Maybe I should," he giggles and you feel your blood boiling in your veins.

“You wouldn’t know love if it crushed your fucking chest,” you yell at him and you were sure Daniel was now wide awake. Max was watching you with wide eyes. "Stop talking about things you have no idea about," you shoot a glance at the clock. 12:25 AM. Looks like a lovely time to go for a walk in a foreign country you've never been to before. You collect your phone and wallet and march to the door.

"Where are you going?"

"I need fresh air. Go to bed."

"I'm coming with you, Y/N!"

You opened the door and left, not letting Max come after you. You started to run and in front of the hotel, you stopped. Where to now? You have no idea where you are or what is near the hotel, and you desperately needed to put some distance between you and Max.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? Running like that? Are you crazy?" you hear a pissed Max behind you. You tried to wipe the tears in a desperate attempt to look like you haven't been bawling your eyes out. "What happened inside?"

"Nothing, Max."

"Let's talk about it. Please."

"Talk about it? Fine. Let's do it! What should I start with? The fact that I've had a crush on you for three years or should I give you some love advice for the girl you like?"

"Say that one more time," Max said, walking towards you.

"Say what one more time?"

"You liked me for the past three years?" he was now in front of you, feeling his hot breaths on your face, and you could smell the alcohol.

"That is not relevant."

"Why not? I should know if someone has feelings for me, no? At least that's what I deserve, I think."

"Stop being so fucking cocky, Verstappen. This is not a joke," you puffed. "Forget I said a damn thing," you started to walk back into the hotel.

"Well, if I have to forget what you said that means I'm not allowed to tell you that I've liked you too for the past three years, right?"

You stoped. He said what? You were dreaming. Maybe you were the one that drank a lot. You were drunk, that's the reason why you just heard Max confessing his feelings for you. Or maybe you were both drunk.

"Max, let's go to bed. You've had a lot to drink, maybe we'll talk in the morning if you remember anything."

He came to you and hugged you from behind.

"I know what I said. Sure, I've had a few beers to drink, but I know that what I'm telling you now it's the truth."

[trampohlena]

Okay, so after last night’s episode I would just like to say that Supercorp IS Endgame. I’d also like to point out the various reasons as to why Kara and Lena are not only soulmates but true twin flames.

For those reading this post who have never heard of the term twin flame: “A twin flame is your own soul, shared across what appears to be two physical beings. It’s one soul, split into two bodies.” -Google’s definition.

For those who are spiritually inclined and have a proclivity for indulging esoteric philosophies; Lena and Kara are ABSOLUTELY twin FUCKING flames 🔥🔥🔥!!

Here are the reasons why:

1. Their drastically different childhoods that resulted in remarkably similar trauma.

Both Kara and Lena have experienced great loss throughout their life. Both mourned the death of their parents, and life as they knew it, at a very early age. Both were shipped off to a foreign land, forced to leave behind everything they knew, in hopes for a brighter/safer future.

Albeit, Lena got the shorter end of the stick in regards to unconditional love, but both were given a second chance and a new start...and yet, they still never fit in, or felt like they truly belonged.

Although they individually have dealt with said trauma in different ways (Lena by pushing away those who try to get too close, and Kara by holding on tightly to those she holds dear) both of their actions are motivated by the same subconscious fear that they HAVE never and WILL never TRULY belong. All while yearning for a sense of “home”.

2. They are opposite reflections of each other; true “mirror souls”, if you will.

Physically, aesthetically, economically, and emotionally—they are complete “mirrors” of one another.

Kara is strong, physically powerful, cut from marble, all hard edges and sharp lines—except for her face. Lena is clearly not as physically powerful, she is soft, all curves, and exudes the grace of the Devine feminine energy—except for her face, which is hard edges and sharp jaw lines. You see what I’m saying?

Aesthetically and economically go hand in hand of course. Lena’s exorbitant wealth is evident in her high-end designer appearance; whereas Kara’s aesthetic is more humble and grounded, and prioritizes comfort over “fashion”. (Let’s admit it. Some of Kara’s fashion choices have been questionable. She clearly rocks the chinos and button-downs better than anything else in that eclectic closet of hers she refuses to come out of 😏)

Emotionally...oh honey. Do I need to say more? I won’t say much but I will say this: Kara is the sun and Lena is the moon. They compliment each other in a way that ensures the world keeps turning.

3. Their individual strengths are the other’s individual weakness and vice versa.

Goes along with the aforementioned “opposite reflection” point above but I’ll expand a bit further in regards to their specific personality traits.

Lena is predominately analytically driven, whereas Kara is emotionally driven. Lena is good in crowds, Kara is not (overwhelmed). Lena is introverted, Kara is extroverted. Lena is detail oriented and has the memory of an elephant, Kara is clumsy and as forgetful as a Pisces (but hey, she has a lot on her plate and barely any free time to balance it). Lena eats like a rabbit-bird-hybrid and Kara eats like a garbage disposal. Kara loves giving and receiving hugs and other forms of physical affection whereas Lena does not (UNLESS it’s from Kara, of course). Etc. Etc. you get the picture.

4. Now this one is the DEAD GIVEAWAY. Undeniable, irrefutable PROOF that Lena and Kara are twin flames.

They are LITERALLY completing what is know as the Twin Flame Journey or the Twin Flame Union.

The stages of Twin Flame Union are roughly as follows:

1. Yearning for “the one”. I think every human being that believes in love experiences this whether it’s throughout their entire life, or only their adult life until they meet this person but yeah. You get it. Kara has always wanted that “Wapow!” moment.

2. Glimpsing/meeting “the one”. Whether it’s only for a short moment, an extended meeting, or perhaps merely locking eyes with them as you pass each other by...you feel immediately connected. There is an instant soul recognition when meeting them, so much so that you could have sworn you’ve met them before or that it’s as if you’ve known each other your whole lives.

Remember when Kara met Lena? And she was gaga-eyed over Lena? Or when Lena felt so comfortable around a new acquaintance that she granted an almost stranger unbridled access to her office? Or how about when Red Daughter flew to America (the country she was taught to hate), with no recollection/memories of Kara’s relationship with Lena (again, the woman she was taught to hate), all because she felt PULLED to do so. And then when she did meet Lena she looked at her and practically drooled over her as if Lena was a double XL cheeseburger with extra special sauce from Big Belly Burger? Like, biiiitch 👀

3. Falling in love. Need I say more? Fine, again, I will. You CANNOT tell me that there is no way in hell that these two morons are anything BUT in love with each other. That’s a lot of double negatives and I appplogize so let me reiterate for clarification: THEY ARE IN LOVE AND YOU CAN’T CHANGE MY MIND!

And at this point is it so freaking BEYOND platonic love, the show cannot explain it away or sweep it under the “just close friends” rug. No. Kara used her Fifth Dimensional Wish (she literally could have wished her entire planet didn’t explode) and she said “make Lena not mad at me, I’m sad 😔” 👀. Mmmkay. Not to mention Lena picking Supergirl over Jack, her former lover. Or the plethora of other times Lena chose Kara/Supergirl over everyone else she knew. Mmkay.

4. The fairytale relationship/friendship. Lena has finally found someone she can depend on, be vulnerable with, support her without judgement, trust with her life etc. and Kara has finally found a true best friend, not her sister, not Kenny who she didn’t realize was her best friend till after he passed? And now he’s not dead?? But her one true best friend that she felt she didn’t need to be neither Supergirl, nor Kara Danvers, but rather Kara Zor-El around (despite Lena not knowing that little tidbit of information).

They were each other’s best friend. Each other’s person. They were happy.

5. Outer Turmoil and Inner Purging—Supergirl and Lena fight. Lena still does not know that Kara is indeed Supergirl and does not pick up on the brewing tension between herself and Kara.

Kara of course is riddled with guilt and her relationship with Lena becomes strained. This outer turmoil creates inner purging by bringing out negative traits in each other. I.E. Lena hiding kryptonite and also Kara asking James to spy on her. Shit gets messy but they still try to make it work.

6. The Runner and the Chaser/Separation Stage—Tensions mount between the two and Lena FINALLY learns about Kara’s secret. And she has a choice to make. So what does she do? She runs. Not physically but emotionally. She completely withdraws from not only Kara and their friends but also withdraws from herself.

She literally experiences cognitive dissonance and becomes someone she is not. Someone other people made her believe she was on the inside, even though Kara knows that it isn’t. And so, Kara chases her.

Lena becomes the runner and Kara becomes the chaser as they navigate this separation stage.

Continuously running and continuously chasing.

7. The Surrender and dissolution stage—they’re fucking done. They’re tired. They’re exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally after all the bullshit they put each other through as well as all the bullshit Lex and the Phantom Zone put them through.

They come to an impasse in regards to Lex and realize the only way to defeat him is to work together, as a team. (El Mayarah anyone?)

They surrender to their emotions and to each other as their egos dissolve and their souls expand after having learned invaluable life lessons. The major one being: THEY CANNOT LIVE HAPPILY WITHOUT EACH OTHER!

8. The last stage that we have yet to see but we fucking better or else I’m gonna January 6 the CW studio building—“Oneness”.

This time, I’m not gonna say more.

So, in conclusion: Supercorp is Endgame because Lena Luthor and Kara Zor-El Danvers are the literal definition of a twin flame, soulmate connection. They are the same soul, manifested in two physical forms, for the sole purpose of expanding their soul’s consciousness.

They deserve to be happy, they deserve to be together. Not only does their union parallel some of the greatest love stories throughout history, i.e. Romeo and Juliet, Darcy and Bennet, Superman and Lois (duh) it would also break the curse of generational karma and illustrate to anybody who watches the show that the only person who defines who you are is YOU. Not a name, not a legacy, not society’s expectations, YOU. And most importantly of ALL...it would showcase that love truly does conquer all.

I rest my case.

TPTB, make Supercorp Endgame or kick rocks ✌️😘

Sincerely,

An empassioned fan with way too much time on her hands.

[silkylious]

Fucking Imbecile (Bakugo Katsuki x Fem!Reader)

Pairing: Bakugo Katsuki x Fem reader Warnings: Just a whole lotta fluff, light angst and comfort Prompt: #1 “Great. Now you’ve gone and fallen in love with her/him, you fucking imbecile”

A/N: Thank you @call-me-prodigy​ for the request! I hope you like this! 

A constant.

That’s what you’ve always been in his life. No matter the time, place or circumstances, you’ve always been there for him. He’d dubbed you a pebble on the side of the road for his feet to kick around, but much like his other childhood friend, it didn’t seem to perturb you in the slightest. Always wandering around with that dumb, carefree grin. Unlike Izuku though, you didn’t share his desire of becoming a hero. Violence just wasn’t for you, and even if there were a lot of rescue-centric heroes out there, fighting was still a huge part of the job. Besides, it wasn’t like you could be one even if you wanted to. You were quirkless after all. Your lack of interest in heroics didn’t mean you didn’t want to help people, however. Ever the true pacifist, you sought to make everyone’s day better, regardless of how big or small the effect may be, if your smile could brighten someone’s day even by a little bit then that was enough to satiate you. Which explains why throughout his childhood, despite him being a gigantic dickhead, you were a source of unconditional support and optimism in his life. A constant ray of blinding sunshine, livening his day up whether he asked for it or not.

The events that had just transpired left his brain reeling, struggling to catch up to reality. You looked like you were asking for help. Now that he wasn’t in the grips of the sludge villain, he was left to his own devices to overthink. Fucking Deku, I didn’t need help with that expired nickelodeon slime! He repeated over and over again, though it honestly felt like he was trying to reassure himself at this point. Katsuki was confident in his abilities (that’s a fucking understatement), but he couldn’t shake the feeling of actually being in the clutches of danger, no matter how many times he’d envisioned a scenario like this. People bumped into him from each direction, he didn’t feel them, eyes trained on his open palm. The pinnacle of his power couldn’t save him, yeah sure he stalled for a bit, but if All Might hadn’t showed up, both him and that shitty nerd would’ve been toast. That undeniable fact absolutely shook him. Before he could mentally crumble apart, a hand found his shoulder, stabilizing him in reality. So warm, so recognizable, it felt like home.

He turned around and was met with soft eyes, but they held no pity, no sympathy; they didn’t call him a weakling. They poured with understanding, pride and hope, as if telepathically telling him to learn from this experience, not take it to heart. You silently tugged at his sleeve, walking him towards his residence and he didn’t say no, he didn’t say anything at all. Just quietly watched your back as you lead the way, hand still lugging him along. Not once did you look back, and he decided that he wouldn’t either. He’d learn from this, and not look back; no reason to brood over what could’ve gone wrong.

When you went your separate ways (him to U.A. and you to a public high-school), he found it hard to adjust to your absence. Quirkless or not, he valued your presence in his life. He wouldn’t admit it to save his life, but he missed your encouraging smile, missed your comforting touch. He’d grown attached to you, you’d never once made him feel small, weak or pitiful, and you still managed to console him when he needed it most. Luckily for him, you lived next door.

He lost. To fucking Deku. That was certainly a first. What rubbed salt into his open wound were his other classmates, Katsuki was not accustomed to having actual competition. He was so used being first by a landslide, that his mind could barely compute not only his loss against Deku, but the sheer skill and strength some of his peers showed off. Like that Half-n-Half bastard. Fuck. Then that stupid nerd had to babble some bullshit about a borrowed quirk, was he mocking him? Did Deku seriously think he was dumb enough to believe shit like that?! He was standing in front of his home, refusing to go in, not when he still had fucking tears in his eyes.

“Katsuki?” Of fucking course, you had to show up now of all times. You seemed to have a habit of catching him at his lowest and it was pissing him off. He dried his eyes with his sleeve, he knew it was futile and his eyes were bloodshot anyway, but he refused to cry in front of you. At lest that was the plan.

“F-Fuck off!” His stammer severely dulled the insult. You ignored it, as per usual.

“What happened?” You persisted, approaching him until there was only a couple inches between you. His shaky breaths came out short, unrhythmic. You slowly lowered his forearm from his face, only to be greeted by his vermilion gems encased in angry red lines, clear indications that he was crying. Katsuki watched, waited for you to show any kind of that self-righteous pity, the kind he saw in Midoriya’s eyes, the kind that he full-heartedly loathed. But it never came, all he could see is patience and quiet succor, waiting for him to say his piece. “What happened, Katsuki?” You repeated. The addition of his given name softened him up way too much for his own comfort.

Fuck it. He blew off at the mouth, releasing all his frustrations and insecurities in one breath. Katsuki was screaming, shouting and yelling to his heart’s content. And you listened, not once did you intervene his venting session. When his voice became scratchy, his eyes watering again and not a coherent word came out of his mouth, that’s when you decided to step in. His unintelligible ramblings were cut off as you engulfed him in a tight hug.

“Listen to me, Katsuki. And I want you to listen good,” The words were whispered right into his ear, as if you were trying to push them directly through his subconscious. He stood there, stiff as a board as he took in your response, your arms holding him securely. “You’re strong and smart and hardworking, I know that better than anyone else. But you’re not flawless; nobody is, and that’s not a bad thing, its not a weakness. Tell me, don’t you want to be the strongest hero of them all? The best? The number one?” He, in a very uncharacteristic and meek fashion, gave you a single nod. “Then knowing your flaws and working on them is essential to that, don’t ya think? Losses, right now, aren’t weaknesses, Katsu. They’re steppingstones. You’re still learning, you still have so much room for improvement, and you can only improve by working on your flaws, yeah?”

Your voice was so gentle, so comforting, hands rubbing at his tense shoulders and back. He couldn’t help but wrap his muscled arms around you too, nodding his head as he planted it closer to the crook of your neck. Katsuki kept you in that position for god knows how long, breathing in your scent while letting your words sink in. He briefly contemplated the possibility of you having a quirk. A quirk that let’s you say the right things at the right time because goddamn you knew just how to lift his spirits.

“Thanks, nerd.” It was so faint that had it not been uttered into your neck, you probably wouldn’t have heard it. He tightened his hold on you for a split second before he completely let go and walked to his front door, entering and shutting the door behind him without sparing you a second glance. He stepped in feeling much more relieved, elated even, but he didn’t understand the rapid beating of his heart, nor did he want to dwell on it. It’s probably from all the yelling anyway.

On the other side, you stood with a serene smile, humming lightly with jubilation.

“You’re welcome, Katsuki.”

He’d seek you out whenever he wanted to rant about that fucking nerd or the Half-n-Half bastard, and you listened to his every word, giving your own comments whenever you felt they were needed. Somehow, despite going to different schools, the separation seemed to draw you closer together. You’d frequent his room, study with him, play video games with him, and sometimes you’d just lay there, silently cherishing each other’s company. Then he had to leave for the U.A. training camp.

“Take care, Katsu,”

“Yeah, yeah,” Crimson eyes fell on your form, he adjusted the duffel bag strap on his shoulder. Shifting his weight from one leg to the other, Katsuki contemplated his next move, awkwardly staring at your face while his mind went into overdrive. For fuck’s sake. You watched him curiously as he huffed aggressively, stomping over to you. He roughly pulled you into an embrace, if you could even call it that; it felt like he was trying to suffocate you.

“Stay safe, dumbass.” He grumbled, ending the affectionate gesture as soon as it had started.

It was supposed to be a get away resort to enhance the students’ quirks, but they got way more than they’d bargained for. You stayed up all night, gaze trained on the news channel as more and more updates filed in. They took him. They kidnapped him. Staring with tears in your eyes at the sight before you, blue flames licking at what was supposed to be a secret location. Your heart was palpitating wildly in your chest.

“Izuku!” The whole class turned around at the sound of an unfamiliar voice. You quickly shuffled past them, almost throwing yourself at Midoriya’s frame on the hospital bed. You cried into his chest, agony bleeding from your eyes as you pleaded, begged for him.

“Bring him back, please. Bring back our Kacchan, Izuku!” If his hands weren’t in casts, he would’ve clutched you impossibly closer. He was the only one who knew of your feelings for his childhood friend and seeing you like this added more fuel to the fire of determination in his eyes.

A week had passed, Katsuki was rescued and he hadn’t said a word to you since his arrival. You figured he needed time to think but god did you miss him, all you could think about is being in his arms, his presence, hearing his voice, anything that could assure you he was still here, alive and safe.

Late into the night, you couldn’t catch a wink of sleep, too preoccupied with the aftermath of everything that had happened one week ago. There was a knock at your door. Your parents were well asleep, so you were left to see who would be here at this ungodly hour. Looking through the small peephole, your eyes caught sight of spiky ash blonde hair. The door was swung open, Katsuki didn’t have time to react before you flung yourself at him and he nearly lost his balance from the impact. He’d never seen you this shaken up (you were always so calm and collected) and it fucking hurt so you like this, because of him, because he wasn’t strong enough, because his weak ass couldn’t save himself-

“I missed you so much, K-Katsuki,” You were sniffling and hiccupping all over his shirt, but he couldn’t care less about that. His attention was drawn to you, the state you were in, he didn’t even return your hug, all he could think about was how pathetic and weak he was. Immediately, you picked up on his lack of reaction, how his head was bowed in shame, how his hands limply hung at his sides. You’d seen him in this exact position countless times before and you knew what you had to do. Sat on your couch, the silence was deafening, vastly different to the air of tranquility you usually shared. Katsuki decided to speak first.

“It was my fault–”

“Katsu–”  

“Let me finish.” You bit the inside of your cheek to stop yourself from interjecting his speech. But god, it was so hard to keep quiet when he was berating himself like this. He poured his heart out to you, each word so damning, so broken. Every syllable that fell from his lips cut through you; you couldn’t bear to see him like this. You could only imagine the sheer anguish lurking inside him, his idol retired to save him, even just the thought made your chest hurt. Tears painted his face, yours too. By the time he’d gone mute, you had him in your grip, rocking him gently as you tried to recollect your thoughts.

“Katsuki,” You started, voice faint and barely a whisper. “I don’t know exactly what happened there, but… if there is anyone to blame for this, it’s the villains,” His head was buried in your chest, tears still cascading down his face and into the material of your shirt. “And honestly, I don’t think anything you could have done would have changed the outcome at all. You don’t give yourself enough credit, Katsu. If anyone else was in your place, I doubt it would’ve changed anything for the better. Honestly, I feel like this was probably the best case scenario, it’s still shitty but at least you’re alive and safe. All Might’s alive, your classmates are all safe. All the damage was the villains’ fault, not yours. Please don’t beat yourself up over this, it was out of your control…” Your voice trembled as another barrage of water conquered your eyes. Your hands ran through his soft follicles, trying to soothe the hurricane that was stampeding through both of you.

That strange sensation in his gut began to arise again as you shed tears of empathy for him, the beating in his heart accelerating considerably. You remained that way, in each other’s embrace, until you both fell into slumber and your parents woke you up the next day. As Bakugo said his goodbye to you and watched you close the door with a stupidly cute bedhead, he realized something. Something that explained the annoying flutter of his heart whenever you called him that stupid nickname, the overwhelming desire to be near you at all times and why he only ever let you break through his defense, bringing down his fortified walls brick by brick.

Katsuki facepalmed.

“Great. Now you’ve gone and fallen in love with her, you fucking imbecile.”

After his move to the U.A. dorms, your rendezvous had become a lot less frequent. He found himself thinking about you way more than he’d like to admit, unbeknownst to him you were thinking about him just as much, if not more. You’d send him a text daily asking how he was, fussing over his well-being and making sure he’s okay. And the times you did meet up, things would be… off with him. With the revelations about his own feelings recognized (finally), Katsuki found himself noticing small things about you, ticks and habits most people wouldn’t bat an eye at, but he did. He found himself struggling not to blush whenever you shared a goodbye hug, or when you would lean over to look at his notebook during your study sessions, coming dangerously close to his face. You’d picked up on his change of attitude too but didn’t comment on it. It sent butterflies soaring in your chest, head high above the clouds every time that adorable pink would grace his devilishly handsome face, yet you couldn’t risk it. What you had with Katsuki was precious to you but also to him, you didn’t want to ruin one of the only true friendships he had for the sake of your own feelings.

Katsuki finally grew the balls to tell you (after an onslaught of teasing from the Baku-squad when they caught wind of his crush). He was over at your place for the weekend, you spent the whole day playing video games (ahem getting your ass kicked), watching crappy horror movies and just enjoying each other’s company. He loosened up the more time went on, reminding himself to savor every waking moment with you by his side, never again would he take you for granted.

You were on your third horror film, competing to see who would get scared first. The plot in this one wasn’t all that horrible if you were being honest, it had completely captivated you, so much so that you couldn’t see the smirk on Katsuki’s face or how his hand had sneaked around the back of the couch to reside behind your shoulders, waiting for the right moment to strike. The scene was building up to a climax, Katsuki side eyed you as you leaned forward, too engulfed in the movie to be aware of your surroundings. And then–

“AHHH!”

An all too embarrassing shriek left your throat, you’d never live that one down. Katsuki was laughing his ass off as your brain tried to register what had just happened. And when it finally clicked, you were ready to beat his ass into oblivion. Jumping into his lap without thinking about it, you began throwing punches at his chest (that honestly felt like getting tickled to him), which substantially increased his laughter until there were tears in his eyes. “You asshole! why would you do that?!” Your indignant cry only served to make him laugh harder until he sounded like a seal doing a mating call. His atypical glee was contagious and you found yourself chuckling along, hands no longer jabbing at his pecs, rather resting peacefully over them, feeling his chortles in overwhelming detail.

When the dust had settled and your chuckles died down, both of you became infinitely conscious of the position you were in. Both of your faces suddenly aflame with realization. When you went to break the close proximity between you, he surprised both of you by securing his hands on your hips, keeping you in place. The fiery red adorning his cheeks was a comical contrast to the determined scowl on his face. His knuckles were turning white as he dug his digits into your sides, steeling himself.

“(n-name), I like you… a lot,” Katsuki wished he could stare at anything but your face, yet he forced himself to watch your reaction. “I-I wanna be more than friends–”

Not another letter passed through his lips before you molded them with your own, sealing that as your response. His hands relaxed a bit, moving up to your waist and kneading the soft skin there. When you pulled a part, you’ll never forget the sight of the small grin of genuine elation on his face, not taking a second to reciprocate it.

[justalittlebluetiefling]

That is an interesting thought. Where does Fjord's devotion for the Wildmother and his love for Jester lie? Do you think he would really forsake the entire world if it meant she was safe? If so where does that take his character arc, it would be a bit of backwards development for him.

Disclaimer 1: This touches on some aspects of how protective Fjord tends to be and I would like whoever reads this to know that my feelings on that character trait are nuanced and I am not going to go super in depth, because I’d like to post this at some point. I’m very aware that some people aren’t fond of that part of him and I respect that, but I like that part of him and I’ve seen a lot of the arguments for why people don’t like it and I don’t agree. So, please don’t come at me about how Jester “could punch Fjord through a wall” or whatever. I know that. Fjord knows that. He respects that. He trusts Jester and her opinions and her decisions. But his protectiveness is a major character trait that he directs at everyone and a major factor in my opinion on this, so I had to bring it up.

Disclaimer 2: I’m not really great at faith-based meta, so this is mostly focused on how Jester makes Fjord feel.

Disclaimer 3: The likelihood I think this has of happening is like.. 0.5%. The circumstances would have to be exactly right and there are multiple things that would have to go wrong for Fjord to get to a point where he was sacrificing the world for Jester. I also strongly believe there is a road that could lead Jester to this point as well, but again, a lot of things would have to go wrong.

All right! With that out of the way! Let’s get on to what might be my most controversial post. (Actually, please keep those disclaimers in mind throughout this answer.) I’ve been trying to figure out how to describe my mindset on this. Because... it’s hard. But it comes down to a few things.

Fjord’s devotion to the Wildmother and his love for Jester aren’t mutually exclusive.

It’s already been confirmed that he would have been willing to fight a god’s servant to protect her.

There are very few things that Fjord has ever let himself want in life.

And right now if there was a point where he had to choose, I think he’d choose Jester.

And here’s why.

I mean, there are a ton of reasons why. But most of all, Jester’s the first person to show him what unconditional love and support look like and it’s not something he ever thought he would have. She’s backed him up every step of the way, even when he thinks he doesn’t deserve it. And he’s been devoted to returning that. I don’t even mean this from a “romantic” love standpoint, although that’s what it’s developing into. And nothing against the Wildmother or his developing faith, but he’s still figuring out how that works. I do believe he’s devoted to being her paladin and he believes in what it means to serve her. I also believe he’s just as devoted as Jester is to stopping what’s coming. However. I don’t believe he’s devoted enough to stopping it that he would be willing to give up everything i.e. her.

I’m gonna bring back the kiln talk, because it goes back that far. And the way it relates to Jester goes back that far. Farther, actually, but these are the only real receipts I decided to pull up.

He tells her that he lost his powers and that they eventually came back.

Jester: How did you feel when they were gone? Fjord: *without hesitation* Terrified. Jester: Did you want them back? Fjord: *without hesitation* Yes. Jester: Would you do anything to get them back? Fjord: *long pause* Fjord: No.

I mean, it’s a one-on-one conversation, but he still doesn’t break focus. He’s staring at Jester the entire time. And this is where I jump into excessive speculation, but it’s always been my headcanon that Fjord here is thinking about how he wouldn’t give up Jester for his powers. I can never get the idea out of my head when I’m watching this scene, because he’s so intense about the way he’s looking at her in this moment.

So... Jester gave him the strength to move on from that and seek out the Wildmother, right? And the Wildmother accepted him. And she’s already protected him from Uk’otoa’s influence. So he has plenty of reason to already feel devoted to the Wildmother. But like I said above, his faith is developing. He feels like he’s fumbling his way through it, even though he’s a shining paragon of the tenets of his oath. 

And now, I’m going to veer off and talk about Fjord and protectiveness and how he seems extra intense about it toward Jester specifically sometimes. 

A lot of that, in my head, comes back to the Iron Shepherds. Fjord is still holding onto the blame for that. He’s never let it go. Fjord was always fairly protective, but after that, he doubled down. I don’t think very many people realize how deeply that affected him and how a lot of the way he chases Jester out into danger can be traced back to that.

I mean, really, there were three big steps in how devoted he is to Jester and her safety.

The Iron Shepherds

His promise to Marion

The second Uk’otoa temple

I don’t need to say much about his promise to Marion, but I will touch on the pirate arc pretty quick. He was spiraling here. He was trying to figure everything out and how far he would go. It didn’t take long for him to figure out that he wasn’t willing to go the distance for Uk’otoa. And I do think a lot of that was resolved in his head prior to the second temple, but his conversation with Jester there was a big one. And also, don't turn evil, okay? But if you do, I'll still be your friend. I mean, it's okay. You know, some people are evil. It's okay. Just don't turn evil to me. That whole thing was just a reminder that Jester has always been there and that he can count on her constant presence in his life.

So, after that minor spiral he had during the pirate arc, he doubled down again with the protectiveness. He came out of that determined to be for Jester what she is for him. Fjorester really does give me cute Briarwoods vibes sometimes. It’s because they’re so ride or die for each other and I think that there is definitely the possibility of them breaking the world for each other.

That brings me back to a point I mentioned above. Fjord has let himself want very few things in life. He’s lost so many things. His life has not been great. But he wants Jester almost in spite of himself and, more than that, he wants Jester to be happy. The past few episodes, though, where he’s been feeling like she’s being threatened? He’s giving off this... vibe of... almost desperation to keep her safe. He probably should have kept the necklace, but he gave it to Jester, because she’s more important. And he felt as though Lucien was targeting her specifically. And then in 118? He watched her lose five years of her life in the blink of an eye. Forgive me for the hyperbole, but Jester’s mortality was literally paraded in front of him and he saw that there is a very real chance that he might lose her in this. It was enough to get him to stop holding back and tell her how he feels, which he intended to keep under wraps until after he wrapped up his own problems.

So... this is a really long-winded way of saying that I could absolutely see him picking Jester over the rest of the world. Do I think she could talk him out of it in a very emotional scene? Yes. Do I think the Wildmother would be able to stop him? I mean, maybe. She’s a god. But I think he would break his oath for Jester. Because he’d do anything for her. But if Jester wasn’t there to talk him out of it??? 

Would this be backwards development? Absolutely. It would be a very selfish action. But love can be a pretty selfish, sometimes.  

Remember how he said that he has a problem when they were talking about stopping the city? He knows they have to stop it and he’s committed to that cause.  But, everyone has their breaking point. Right now? Fjord’s breaking point appears to be Jester. And he knows it. He has to decide how much he’d be willing to give up and I think that the things he would do to not give up Jester scare him. I don’t really think he knows what his life would be like without her at this point and I don’t think he wants to entertain the possibility. Ever.

Totally Briarwoods vibes.

If you’re thinking I’m totally wrong right now, I would like to refer you to the top where I laid out some disclaimers prior to this answer. Thanks for your time! And thanks for asking me this! 

[myread4change]

Book#91 Completed: Loving what is – Byron Katie

We are disturbed not by what happens to us, but by our thoughts about what happens. – Epictetus

Loving what is provides a different way to look at life and encourages readers to ask four questions (which Katie calls The Work or Inquiry) and free themselves from unnecessary traps created by thoughts.

The work has striking similarities with Zen Kaon and Socratic dialogue, yet it doesn’t stem from any tradition eastern or western. It is originated in the mind of an ordinary woman who had no intention of originating anything.

Asking below Four Questions towards any situation/things/person can free us from the stories we keep repeating to ourselves and enable us to see it for what it is.

Four Question –

1. Is it true?

2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?

3. How do you react when you think that thought?

4. Who would you be without the thought?

The book enlists real-life workshop experiences and as you read each conversation or rather questioning process, you will know how to do the work and what to expect from it.

Few Key Points –

• Wanting things/people the way they should be, is arguing with reality. These thoughts are ways of wanting reality to be different from it is.

• Katie claims to find only three kinds of business in the universe: mine, yours, and God’s. Much of our stress comes from mentally living out of our own business.

• Becoming aware of your Stories –Stories are the untested, uninvestigated theories that tell us what all these things mean. We don’t even realize that they’re just theories.

• Putting the mind on paper – For thousands of years, we have been taught not to judge, but let’s face it, we still do it all the time. This may not seem easy to put it on paper, despite us judging people all the time.

• Katie doesn’t suggest dropping any thoughts and explains that Inquiry is not about getting rid of thoughts; it’s about realizing what’s true for you, through awareness and unconditional self-love.

Few Quotes –

1. When you think that someone or something other than yourself needs to change, you’re mentally out of your business.

2. Without the “should” and “shouldn’t,” we can see reality as it is, and this leaves us free to act efficiently, clearly, and sanely.

3. Peace doesn’t require two people; it requires only one. It has to be you. The problem begins and ends there.

4. People are just like seeds waiting to sprout. We can’t be pushed ahead of our own understanding.

5. Reality is always kinder than the stories we tell about it.

[doyelikehaggis]

do you have a favourite crack ship that you secretly think could be just a good ship

Oh anon, I adore you. Thank you for asking me this, I love to talk (well, type) and especially when it's about my favourite ships. Now, I checked, and by definition, a crackship is one involving characters that have never interacted/they have next to no chemistry/very unlikely to ever become canon. I feel like for certain fandoms, we may have to ignore the never likely become canon due to the abundance of homophobic authors/networks. So, I'm going to be delightfully predictable and give you my favourite crack ships from each of my main fandoms that I can name at the moment.

Harry Potter (Marauders Era): I can give you two, because why not? And those two would be Regulus Black x Pandora Lovegood and Petunia Evans x Alice Longbottom. Regulus/Pandora probably never met each other, we know practically nothing about either of them, and they certainly were never likely to become canon. But I just loving giving them a tragic tale, you know? And, it could have helped give a little more insight into Pandora's death, not to mention the horcrux plotline. Petunia x Alice honestly came out of absolutely nowhere, but I just kept thinking about a way to show Petunia that not all witches and wizards and bad, and she meets Alice because of Lily, and the idea of Neville and Dudley growing up together? Neville and Harry as cousins? It just intrigues me.

I also feel the need to add a slightly less Crackship one on: James/Peter. Because I am still convinced that Peter was in love with James, and it could absolutely have been one-sided, but I think there's something much more interesting there if James liked him back, but his feelings for him just weren't as strong as the ones he had for Lily. It would add to Peter's betrayal by quite a bit.

Harry Potter (Golden Trio Era): So many to choose from, but one of my favourites is Fred/Cedric. No clue if it's a popular ship or not, but it certainly feels like a crackship since they 1) had about two scenes together in the books and none in the movies which results in 2) barely any chemistry together, aside from Fred "hating" Cedric. But I just love a good childhood-friends to enemies to lovers plot, and they could achieve because they grew up in the same place! In the same year! And I would like to add on Pansy/Parvati for the same reasons as above.

MCU: I don't have too many ships for the mcu in general, and the ones that I do like tend to be quite popular. But a good crack ship that won me over is Darcy/Monica. They have interacted in the show, and they do have chemistry, but the chances of them being canon are so incredibly slim, so even though they're not a Total crackship (like my other personal favourite, Thor/Darcy), I think they get to be here.

NMCU: I still class the Netflix Marvel show as part of the MCU (because they are, canonically) BUT a lot of people tend to separate them so I feel like I get to do the same for this. In which I am incredibly curious about a Foggy/Billy pairing. Billy is a terrible person, but that man has so much charm, and even Foggy could be wrapped up in it. I'm feeling a similar situation to Billy/Dinah, to be honest, and I'm Curious.

Life With Derek: Trevor got one episode and I for some reason decided he and Derek should've been allowed a love story. Again, not a total crackship because they do interact, and there's some chemistry, but it's definitely not popular and definitely would never have happened in the show. But I think they should have because it could have been really interesting even if they didn't last!

Girl Meets World: Riley/Zay, which I know! They obviously interact and have chemistry, but there's barely any characters in that show who don't have at least one scene together. And with these two, they probably interact the least and don't really have the same on-screen closeness that a lot of the others do. But with that said, I really think there's something there between them. Their personalities are similar in their kindness and unconditional loyalty, but Zay's just a little more of a realist than Riley is, which is something both of them need from the other (a sort of grounding neutral). See, this is where I question if I just like their friendship or if I actually do ship them, but I think I do.

DCTV: A real crackship this time with Brainy/Constantine. They would loathe each other. At first. They'd bicker. A lot. But I can also imagine a really good dynamic building from that. A close second is Joe West/Martin Stein.

Roswell, New Mexico: Not at all impossible but imagine for me if you will, Max and Kyle. I'm sure many of you have imagined that already, which delights me. They're honestly about the closest to a crackship that I ship in this show, so it's what we're going with.

Lucifer: I will always stand by Lucifer/Ella, I have to.

The Vampire Diaries: Rebekah/Tatia because can you imagine the angst?

Legacies: I still say that Sebastian/Josie could've had a more compelling storyline than what we got, because Sebastian was entering right as Josie was about to go off the rails on dark magic, and with an unhinged, bloodthirsty, old-fashioned vampire around? I wanted it so bad!

Teen Wolf: *chanting* Allison/Malia, Allison/Malia, Allison/Malia.

I think that may be all of them, I'm probably wrong. But they are the crackships I usually think of first, so here they are! If there's a specific fandom that I left off the list, feel free to send another ask! This was really fun.

[buckleysjareau]

masterpost of all of my fics

!hey hey, here’s mostly everything i’ve ever written for 9-1-1 and Criminal Minds. Reblog if you like any of them, and always come back to check and see if it’s updated. It’ll always be pinned. :) Everything under the read more line!

AO3: 9-1-1

Buck Goes To Pride (buddie, getting together)

Thinking back to that cold winter afternoon when Buck broke down in her arms after the shit show that was his coming out, she never thought she'd be helping her brother get ready for Pride. He shut that part of himself away for a long time. But eleven years later, she's handing her brother a box with a pride flag in it, and he's grinning from ear to ear.

Buck goes to his first pride featuring his journey of coming out, lots of hugging, and Hen being the best.

...or you could have mine? (buddie, pre-relatioship)

There's too much going on between his agitation, people talking over each other, the way his uniform feels more scratchy than it ever has, and the bright lights. He can't sit still and he knows he's starting to annoy everyone but he can't help it no matter how much he wishes he could with his medication.

ADHD Buck

agree to disagree (buddie, getting together, friendship)

Whoever thought a night of heavy drinking between Buck, Eddie and Chimney was a good idea, were out of their minds. When sober, they were idiots but shot after shot of tequila plus the couple of beers they each had before meeting up multiplied the absolute stupidity of the three men.

Buck, Eddie, and Chimney get wasted and Athena wins a bet.

i put a spell on you (buddie, getting together)

Eddie Diaz absolutely loved Halloween. Ever since he was an excitable eight year old boy he’d been known to go all out for the holiday. Twenty-four years and a son had not changed that.

4k+ words of Eddie being happy, scaring his friends, and loving Halloween.

baby you know i just wanna leave tonight (buddie, pre-relationship)

If there was one thing that people knew about Evan Buckley, it was that he didn’t want people to know him.

People find out more about Buck then he ever wanted them to know when the Buckley’s come to town.

i woke up from a never ending dream (buddie, getting together)

Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock.

Sensing the urgency, Eddie jogs the rest of the way. He doesn’t know what he’s really expecting, his mind not entirely focused, but for the second time that night, Buck surprises him.

“Buck?!”

Where Buck is going through it and Eddie has anxiety but they help each other through it. Featuring pet names and lovesick Eddie.

you feel like the sun on my face (buddie, established relationship)

Buck has a way of doing things and saying things that even in Eddie’s worst moods, he still can’t fight his smile.

Eddie's view on Buck's Wikipedia spirals and the beginning of the brilliant idea it inspires.

Part 1 of 3 in the ‘cause of i’m not too far and you’re my favorite place series

you feel like the perfect escape now (buddie, established relationship)

"In the symbolic language of jewels, a sapphire in a wedding ring means marital happiness."

Eddie planning his proposal with the help of Hen and Karen. Featuring good ol' Buck and Chimney banter, soft and in love boyfriends, and tooth rotting fluff.

Part 2 of 3 in the ‘cause i’m not too far and you’re my favorite place series

everything is blue (may + buck friendship, buddie, getting together)

When Evan Buckley is ten, he discovers nail polish.

In which Buck paints his nails, Eddie is flustered, and May is a matchmaker.

it weighs on me (buddie, established relationship)

The bad weather is gone, except it’s not.

In which Buck has a bad day and Eddie holds him through it.

101.9 (buddie, getting together)

Evan Buckley did not get sick.

Based on a tumblr prompt where Buck’s fever won’t fuck off so Eddie makes him take a cold bath.

when i’m walking in my sleep (buddie, getting together)

He finds that maybe he’s a little in over his head when Buck greets him with a loopy smile. He’s just a tiny bit in love with Evan Buckley, and having dealt with post-surgery Buck before, Eddie is sure his heart might burst with every zany grin and stage-whispered expression of appreciation.

Eddie takes care of a loopy Buck after he gets his screws removed, and truths come out.

you’re in my heart  (buddie, established relationship)

"I will not be broken... I will not be... fine, fine, you win! Stop with the face."

Eddie sings Buck to sleep after he finds out Eddie can sing.

we’ll be fine, you and i (buddie, established relationship)

He couldn’t believe his luck. He never imagined he’d be able to have this and now, he’s here. He has everything he could ask for and more in his boyfriend’s arms. Stability, happiness, love.

dizzy hurricane (buddie, pre-relationship)

“I’m a medic,” Buck mocks. “You’re a medic, but you can’t take care of yourself, apparently!”

Eddie refuses to admit he’s sick and finds his medic expertise is unreliable when it comes to himself.

tongue forgot the words and feet forgot the earth, it’s true (buddie, established relationship)

Eddie feels like he’s drowning in insurance payments, tuition raises, overbearing parents and anxiety. Things had definitely been worse on him when he didn’t have a whole new support system on his side but things just kept piling on, one after another, it was impossible for him not to feel suffocated. Every muscle in his body was sore from being completely tensed all of the time, the lack of sleep was getting to him, he’s in a foul mood to everyone that loves him. He just wants a break, needs a break.

Eddie finally gets a second to breathe.

you are my glitter and my gloom, i am so numb without you (buddie, getting together)

But right now, with Eddie by his side, he doesn’t worry. For the first time in almost a year, he doesn’t have to worry.

Buck has a flashback, or six, after the landslide. Eddie is there to bring him back, like always.

double vision wrapped in last night’s party clothes (buck centric, pre-relationship buddie)

"I have always been honest with you." When Eddie's voice cracks, Buck's composure almost cracks with it. "Why can't you just be honest with me?"

When Buck is let in on a long kept family secret, he doesn't know what to do. He almost ruins things with the one person that keeps him from feeling like he's floating away with no way to land, but it ultimately turns out okay with help of a little communication.

safe, better keep that thought to yourself (madney)

But days after, he still can’t stop hearing it in his head, over and over.

I love you, Howie. I love you, Howie. I love you, Howie. I love you, Howie.

with friends like ours anywhere is home (buck & tk, background buddie)

[@evanbuckley: you have two new follow requests.] @marjanmarwani would like to follow you. @tkstrand would like to follow you.

@tkstrand liked your photo. @tkstrand liked your photo. @tkstrand liked your video.

@tkstrand So, I see you have a boyfriend, too. I’m sorry for assuming haha

Wait, what?

Buck and TK’s long distance friendship featuring love advice, horrible nicknames and background Buddie.

wish i could keep you in amber, safe from the outside (buddie)

Neither of them say anything as Eddie takes shelter in Buck’s arms, face tucked in the crook of his neck, sheltered from all the bad that’s happened. A safe place.

He can only hope that he’s Buck’s safe place, too.

In which Eddie and Buck are struggling after the shooting and they finally have a much needed talk.

AO3: Criminal Minds

you light my fire (jemily, AU)

Emily's face stays complacent as JJ reaches out her hand to shake, only dropping the smug act and smiling genuinely when she reaches for JJ's hand. "Welcome to the team, Pennsylvania Petite."

Jemily Firefighter AU

Tumblr: 9-1-1

“i saw this and i thought of you immediately.” (buddie)

keep you warm (henren)

wheels up, buck (9-1-1, criminal minds crossover)

stand, you’re gonna run again (buck centric, buck & bobby)

bows and ribbons and glitter (buck & chimney, madney) 

“i believe that would be murder” (buddie, pre-relationship)

mac-and-cheesy (buddie, established relationship)

his saving grace (buddie, pre-relationship, buck centric)

what i love about the south (pre-relationship buddie)

unconditional, unadulterated (buddie, getting together)

home isn’t a place, it’s a feeling (buck & athena)

he’s special, they’re special (madney, meet-cute)

Tumblr: Criminal Minds

rough nights end in hot chocolate (garvez)

[cadykeus-clay]

Would you mind sharing your thoughts about vex and Beau being cross campaign foils?

so!!!! first things first: apologies for taking weeks to answer this, finals + having adhd sometimes makes my brain turn to mush and forget every ask ive ever recieved. second of all, i’m assuming you sent me this bc of what i said in my vm vs. m9 how they view the world meta. and i’ll be real with you. i have exactly 0 memory of what was going through my head when i wrote that line, so i am simply going to type out a bunch of thoughts that i have on the similarities and differences between beau and vex and i hope that lives up to what you were expecting jsdflksjdksld

I'll detail some specifics in a moment, but overall, I think beau and vex share a very similar kind of trauma of exclusion in their formative years, that's caused them to have a lot of similar traits that manifest in different ways - for vex, she maintains control through her material posessions and beau finds an emotional control in her asshole-ness. I've broken this down into 5 points on which I think comparing the two really emphasizes that claim:

1. daddy issues: both beau and vex have awful no good terrible very bad dads. both syldor and thoreau can suck my ass. they both raised their kids with little love and impossible-to-meet expectations, alientating them and leaving them with lifelong feelings of inferiority and unbelonging. If beau and vex were to meet, i think they would have a very friendly toast to shitty dads, and then have a good drunk vent about it an hour later.

but, at the same time, the actual minutae of their trauma and the ways it manifests are nearly polar opposites. syldor wanted nothing to do with vex, or else wanted her to somehow become a full elf. her issue was that she would never be able to belong, despite her desire to, and as she grew up it lead to her being overly protective and even possessive of the people she found who DID accept her as she was. 

With beau, rather than exclusion, her father created an environment of toxic inclusion. He created a role for beau to belong in, disregarding her distate for actually fulfilling it. And, as such, she ended up making herself into someone who could have no expectations and pushed away anyone who tried to set them up for her. In the end, they both came to love themselves by abandoning the woman their father wanted them to be but for vex it was the laying down of an impossible dream and for beau it was the picking up of a mantle she had feared to wear.

2. brothers: now, on the topic of family, I also think its really interesting how their interactions with their brothers play out. We've got vex and vax, tied at the hip til the very end and then some; and then we've got beau and TJ - decades apart and with beau barely acknolwedging TJ's existence. But, even that distance between beau and TJ didn't stop her caring for him when they actually met. She gave him lucky Jade, and she entertained the idea of kidnapping him to get him away from her stinko dad. 

And I'd espeically like to talk about what she said outside the hag's hut - "I think Luc and TJ could be best friends", in comparison to the way Vex reacted when Vax told her was going to Zephrah with Keyleth for the year break. There's an aspect to the way they interact with their brothers that lets them slip back into those bad habits they formed growing up (NOT that i'm claiming vex and vax were like toxic for each other. but even good relationships can have unhealthy moments). 

With Beau, when she offers to give her happiness so TJ can grow up safe, she's trying to take on the role she's ""supposed"" to fill - the big sister, the protector - because she failed to fill the one her father set out. And with Vex, when she grows jealous of Vax, it's because she's afraid that his leaving with keyleth is a sign that she no longer belongs in his inner circle, and she falls back on that childish, desperate desire to do anything to be accepted unconditionally. 

3. romance: spoilers for 5 or so most recent m9 eps (115-120)  if you haven't watched them ahead!!!! at this point, both vex and beau have an endgame romance - percy and yasha respectively. Obviously as the m9's campaign is still playing out, that could change, but like. yasha wrote her a love letter and they're officially going on a date so i'm counting that as at least endgame-track rather than just random flirting. What's interesting to me is that they both seem to flip between the SAME roles between their (in-game) general perception and their actual pursual of romance. 

Vex gets characterized as a pretty big flirt, right? She's got the winks, the casual "darling". She's flashed grog her boobs on multiple instances with little prompting. Beau, similarly, has easily the most game out of anyone in the m9. She's slept with two guest characters and at least one more npc in the events of the game. Caleb made her a fuck mirror in her room in the mansion. And yet, in both of their actual romantic endeavors, they became the shy, uncertain type. 

Vex only confessed her feelings when Percy was laying dead before her, and not an hour of game play before percy kissed her in the woods, she had a talk with vax about how she was pretty sure he didn't like her that way and she didn't want to pursue it. Beau, similarly, spent a very long time convinced that yasha wasn't looking for love after zuala, especially not in anyone like her, asked everyone in the party if they thought yasha ACTUALLY liked her, just to be safe, and then still terrified to ask her out after recieving a literal love letter. I'd argue this shift comes from that same sense of unbelonging - they're very good at pretending they fit a role but doubt their actual right to take it when the opportunity is presented. This time, the role is the lover rather than the daughter.

4. authority: Both vex and beau grew up shunned by the upper crust of society, and grew to mistrust those kinds of people. And yet, both of their arcs result in them assuming such a position. Vex, thrown out of high society gets her place as a baronness, and Beau, running from leadership of her father's business ends up a top member of the Cobalt Soul. There's not a lot here, but I find it interesting how both of their stories involve them shedding their baggage regarding authority and power and assuming it in a way that they feel comfortable in - invitation by someone she trusts for vex, and a promise of freedom of will and control for beau.

5. their deadliest sins: this is the point at which their similarities culminate and transform to a fundamental difference. despite everything they share - shitty childhoods, the small piece of family that's still good, flirtiness masking shy love, and a mistrust of those in power - vex and beau are such different characters because of their biggest vices. Vex, both in game and out, is "the greedy one". She's stingy with money, she haggles for everything, she mourns the loss of physical objects. Beau is "the mean one". She cares little for people's feelings if they're not in her immediate circle, she focuses on her tough guy image, she laughs at things she knows she shouldn't. 

And, over the course of the campaign, as they find unconditional acceptance, they grow away from these traits (I won't say they grow out of them) because they heal from the things causing these vices to begin with. I've always been vocal about vex's greed being a manifestation of her class insecurity, and beau's asshole-ness stemming from her fear of being forced back into another position of complacency. And I stand by that now - all the similarities in their backstories are what tally up to these different women.

Despite her careful tally of party funds and her reflexive bargaining, vex is not cruel. she is not angry on her own behalf. She saves two boys from the market in the city of brass at great personal cost, she relinquishes an entire dragon's hoard to the devastated city of Westruun, she took the time to save a baby bear from a cage when she could have just cut and run after escaping her own. She's the first one most people go to when they need a shoulder to cry on, and she's devastated when they don't (thinkin about when Scanlan left). She carved "forgiveness" into the bow she stole from a man after killing him by proclaiming how much she loved someone, because she knew anger had no place in her heart.

And Beau, Beau is a bitch and she's harsh, but she doesn't hoard or protect like vex did. she spends her money without much of a second thought. She pitches in to help her friends buy a ton of glowsticks, and she loves to indulge in material desires like drink and good food and the nicer inn room. She's a member of an organization that's about making knowledge public rather than guarding it. And, though this may be controversial, I think her position with bowlgate of "its not our problem what cali wants to do with it", her long-standing mistrust of their alliance with the bright queen and  and more recently with the tomb takers of "i want to go in and talk, rather than assuming they're antagonistic, even if it puts us at a disadvantage" are both examples of this non-possessiveness too - she has no need or desire to get involved in controlling what other people are doing.

so, i guess the general conclusion here is: vex struggles to let go of things, of money, of people. beau struggles to let herself be known in case she gets wrongly interpreted again. they both fight feelings of inadequacy, they both fight the feelings of not belonging, of 'doing it wrong', they fight the perception of them as shitty people because of the shells they hide in despite their absolute hearts of gold.  but at the end of the day, vex's story is one of having to lay down what could never be hers so she can carry what is, and beau's story is one of allowing herself to be known so a place can be made for her.

[orangepanic]

I saw this “100 OTP questions” by @the-moon-dust-writings and figured I'd procrastinate:

1. Who loves flower crowns more?

Neither of them really, but Asami might make Iroh wear one just to laugh at him.

2. Who is the one who likes to cuddle?

Iroh. Asami likes it, too, but he usually initiates.

3. Who has awful taste in music?

Honestly, both of them. Asami likes terrible dance music and Iroh likes obscure combinations of horns and bells and stuff from different cultures.

4. Who is the meme lover?

Asami thinks they’re funny. Iroh doesn’t quite understand.

5. How did their second date go?

Iroh tried to take Asami somewhere very fancy, but the wait was too long. They ended up making out in a shadowy doorway down the street and missing their reservation entirely. Iroh was mortified, but Asami dragged him around the corner to a low-key noodle shop that has since become their favorite restaurant.

6. How many children do they want/have?

Asami thinks about three. Iroh, as many as Asami will agree to.

7. Who hides the weapons?

Iroh hides weapons for Asami around the house so she’ll always have something on hand. In a drawer in the kitchen, on her nightstand, etc. He knows she can take care of herself… and he stashes weapons for her anyway. Asami rolls her eyes but secretly thinks it’s sweet.

8. Who is the better dancer?

Asami. She likes dancing, and learned formal dancing in school. Iroh can’t dance at all, having skipped out on all his lessons as a child after bribing his instructor. He thought dancing is boring, but likes dancing with Asami and lets her lead.

9. Do/Did they have a theme wedding?

No. They quite deliberately have a very normal wedding, including cutting out a lot of the more stuffy Fire Nation customs because Iroh doesn’t want Asami to feel out of place not having any family present.

10. What do their parents think of them dating?

Hiroshi Sato is livid, and actually tried to have Iroh assassinated from prison. His little girl, marry a firebender? A prince of the firebenders? Iroh’s parents are more accepting. Izumi initially thinks Asami is too young and gives Iroh a hard time about how quickly he got serious, but quickly comes around when it’s clear Asami is very mature for her age. Within a year Iroh’s parents are both hounding him on when he’ll make it official.

11. Are they a super sappy couple?

They are that couple everybody hates.

12. How did they get together?

They meet during the Equalist revolution, but don’t get together until long after. Iroh has a crush on Asami almost immediately, but spends forever sitting on it thinking it wasn’t the right time and trying to be friends until one day he just kind of slips up and kisses her. She kisses him back. It turns out Asami liked him, too, but she isn’t great at reading people and had no idea he was interested.

13. Who asked the other to get married?

Iroh just kind of blurts it out one day.

14. Who stays up too late and makes stupid jokes?

Asami is the night owl. Iroh makes the bad jokes.

15. Who is the nerd?

Oh my god, both of them. Asami is more of the classic nerd. Iroh is more of a dork.

16. Who knows the most obscure facts?

Iroh.

17. Who makes the other a flower crown?

Two questions about flower crowns out of 100?? Changing this to who is more dominant in bed. Asami.

18. Who likes to read?

Iroh. They both do, but he’s much more into it.

19. Who bothers the other person while the other person reads?

Asami. She has the shorter attention span.

20. Who tutors the other?

They both would in different subjects. Asami is better at math, physics, etc. Iroh is better at philosophy and languages.

21. Do they have similar taste in movies?

No. Asami likes gory slasher films and lots of action. Iroh scoffs and thinks they’re dumb. Asami, in turn, thinks his period dramas can be kind of boring, and refuses to count documentaries as movies. But there’s a healthy overlap in things like Vikings and Game of Thrones.

22. How do their personalities complement each other?

Asami helps Iroh lighten up a bit, drawing him out of his shell, and gives him an anchor and a sense of home. She’s more social than he is, and a lot of her friends eventually become his. But she’s also quiet enough and serious enough that she doesn’t tire him out and can feed his need for downtime. Iroh, in turn, loves seldom but deeply, and gives Asami the kind of fierce, unconditional love and stability she needs. He’s also genuinely interested in her projects, is smart enough to follow most of it, and is one of the only people who can occasionally beat her in Pai Sho. They have a lot of fun together just being nerds.

23. How do they tell everyone that they are going to be having a kid/adopting a child soon?

They don’t have to tell anybody. It’s all over Iroh’s face like a big neon sign.

24. Who has better fashion sense?

Asami, but not by much. She’s more up to date with trends, while Iroh’s style is clean and classic.

25. Who will punch someone out if they are rude to their partner?

Hoo boy, both of them. Do not go there.

26. What songs do they sing together in the vehicle?

Neither of them sing in the satomobile. Iroh has a decent voice, but he’s a bit private about it. Asami mostly hums.

27. What other couple would your otp get along with?

Iroh quickly becomes BFFs with Bolin. Asami and Opal aren’t quite as close, but they like each other’s company and have fun as a foursome. They also get along quite well with Pema and Tenzin.

28. Who likes to prank the other?

Iroh tries more often. Asami’s pranks are more successful.

29. Who is the one who loves to take pictures?

Iroh, though generally Korra is the picture taker in the group.

30. How would they react if they found out they were soul mates?

Iroh raises an eyebrow. “Hmm.” Asami only shrugs. They both already knew that.

31. Where would they live?

They like Republic City and decide to stay downtown, first in an apartment and eventually a larger townhouse.

32. What type of dragon would they own, if they could have one?

Whichever one Iroh made friends with. Asami is a bit wary of animals and would need him to convince her it was safe.

33. If they were both vampires, what type of vampires would they be?

The kind that live in a beautiful house with perfect collections that took hundreds of years to make. Iroh has first editions of everything in a giant library, arranged in a complex system only he understands. He’s working on his 14th language. Asami has invented artificial blood and doesn’t miss sunburns. Occasionally she’ll throw one of those big fancy vampire balls just so they can both get dressed up. They’re pretty happy.

34. What would they dress up as, for Halloween?

They once went as Lady Tienhai and the last king of Mo Ce because picking something obscure and historical was the only way to get Iroh into a costume.

35. Can they name each other’s favourite food?

Kind of. They are both really into food, so picking a favorite is hard. But if the question is can they order for one another, absolutely.

36. Do they have pet names for one another?

Asami sometimes calls Iroh “General Hotstuff” when she’s teasing. Iroh sometimes calls Asami “sex pretzel” when he’s 1000% sure they are alone.

37. How do they cheer each other up?

Asami is more of a gift giver. She’ll show up with Iroh’s favorite take-out or make him something in her workshop—anything to make him feel special and valued. Iroh is all about quality time, and will swing by Asami’s office to haul her out on surprise dates. He also gives great hugs.

38. Do they show a lot of PDA?

No. Iroh is very uncomfortable with PDA, especially when he’s in uniform. Asami follows his lead.

39. How old were they when they got together?

Asami was 19-20, Iroh 24-25.

40. Who is the one that would bring the puppy home?

Iroh, 100%. He’s such a sucker.

41. Can they do yoga couple’s poses?

Yes, though Asami is the only one who really tries.

42. What is their song?

They don’t really have one.

43. What does their room look like?

Asami moved in with Iroh, so it’s very basic. White walls, perfectly made bed, a neatly organized desk in the far corner by the window. He’s a total minimalist, having spent most of his adult life on a ship. Asami added a very fluffy comforter in *gasp* a color and lots of pillows.

44. Who would be the one to kill zombies while the other keeps them grounded?

They’d take turns, and at some point Asami would turn it into a contest.

45. Who makes the other breakfast in bed?

Iroh. Asami is a terrible cook.

46. Who loves kids more?

Iroh.

47. Do either of them have a crazy ex?

Not crazy, but Iroh and his ex are not on good terms. He doesn’t like to talk about it.

48. What are their favourite colours?

Asami, purple. Iroh, black. He gets annoyed when people get him so much red stuff.

49. Who likes to cook?

Iroh. He fired Asami from the kitchen, something they are both grateful for.

50. Who is the forgetful one?

Asami.

51. Does either of them know how to fight?

Have you met these people?

52. What do they do for Valentines Day?

Iroh would probably plan something elaborate for them to go out. Asami would plan something sexy for when they got home.

53. Who swears more?

Asami, at least out loud. Iroh mostly swears under his breath.

54. Who has the better comebacks?

Asami. It’s not even close.

55. Who would start a fight with another parent at a bake sale?

Probably Asami, unless it was about the kids. If anyone comes for Iroh’s kids, they’d better hide.

56. Who reads buzzfeed?

Asami.

57. Who is the hopeless romantic?

Iroh, hands down.

58. Do either of them know how to do a handstand?

Asami can manage it.

59. Who can rap better?

Asami, though Iroh is the only one who actually listens to rap.

60. Do either of them want to go sky diving?

Asami would love to. Iroh laughs. “Been there.”

61. What do they usually text about?

Some version of “I miss you” or random pictures of stuff. They generally only text when Iroh is away as they’re both busy during the day.

62. Who is the dramatic one?

Asami has a shorter fuse. Iroh is more ridiculous when he loses his shit.

63. Is either one confrontational?

Not really.

64. What is their favourite cuddle position?

Asami will lay on top of Iroh on the couch like a sandwich. It’s the only position she seems to be able to nap in.

65. Who are their favourite musical artist(s)?”

See above about terrible taste in music.

66. What are their parenting styles?

Iroh covers a lot of the basics. He sets a schedule, makes lunches, tells bedtime stories, is more likely to help with the homework. Asami is the one who gets them around and does most of the interacting with teachers, other parents, etc. They share things fairly equally.

67. Who would be the more laid back one?

Iroh.

68. Who listens to more vulgar music?

Asami.

69. Do either of them have secrets even the other doesn’t know?

Yes. Asami can be secretive about some of her projects, both out of an abundance of caution but also because she likes a big reveal. Iroh keeps some past relationship stuff close, and will occasionally read a steamy romance novel for “tips.”

70. Who is their go to couple for a double date?

Bolin and Opal

71. Do they tip the waiter/waitress on their date?

Iroh tips very well.

72. How do they work out a fight?

Asami yells. Iroh yells back. One of them storms off. The other one waits about half an hour then goes to find them, usually with an offering of food. There are hugs. Somebody cries. Then they finally talk it out before falling asleep together.

73. Who brings home an illegal pet?

Asami. She is less likely to have a pet, but if she does, it’s going to be a weird one.

74. What side of the bed do each of them sleep on?

Iroh is on the side by the window because he likes to get up with the sun.

75. What is their favorite photo of them two together?

There’s a photo Korra took at the beach where Iroh has Asami thrown over his shoulder right before dunking her in the water. This is the picture he takes with him when he’s deployed.

76. Who takes longer in the bathroom?

Asami.

77. Who has more songs on their ipod?

Iroh. If you can call them songs.

78. What movie did they first see together?

Iroh took her to Last Days of the Sun Warriors. She fell asleep. He said the book was better.

79. What do they like to see each other in?

Asami thinks Iroh’s butt looks great in jeans. Iroh got Asami a red silk robe from the Fire Nation and likes to see it fall off.

80. Who makes jokes during inappropriate times?

Iroh.

81. At what age do they discuss the possibility of children?

Mid-20s, though they don’t have them until a little later.

82. What do they love about each other the most?

Iroh likes that Asami is tough and smart and a problem-solver. Asami likes that Iroh is kind and brave and has a strong moral compass.

83. Who is the one that sees the big picture, while the other focus’s on the small details?

They are both big picture people, which is sometimes a problem. Of the two, Asami is probably better at details, but she’s also forgetful.

84. What would they write on their partner’s social media’s for their anniversary?

Asami would probably put up a picture of them and say something brief but sweet. Iroh doesn’t really understand social media and would just paste a heart-eyes emoji.

85. Who is bad at math?

Iroh. He’s not bad, per se, but Asami is very, very good.

86. Who googles everything?

Asami.

87. Who does stuff on impulse?

Both of them in different ways. Asami is generally more flexible. Iroh usually has a plan but makes big decisions completely off the cuff.

88. How do they comfort each other when they are helpless to do anything about the situation?

Lots of physical touch. Iroh will kind of just wrap himself around her in one giant, whole body hug. Asami will spend some time cursing out whomever is causing the issue, then let him lay his head in her lap and give Iroh a good head scratch or massage.

89. What is an inside joke they have?

There was one time they had sex in Asami’s office at Future Industries, so occasionally she’ll drop things like, “feel like coming by the office?” with a suggestive eyebrow waggle. Iroh is, predictably, very embarrassed. Also interested.

90. Who makes the other smile with almost no effort at all?

Asami: *exists* Iroh: *smiles*

91. What is their favourite holiday?

New Years is a big deal in the Fire Nation. Iroh loves his family and likes going home, and Asami has grown to love it almost as much.

92. Who is the one that is calm and collected while the other is angry and destructive?

They take turns. Both of them can have quite a temper when pushed too hard.

93. What is their favourite board game to play?

They’re both big Pai Sho fans, but can get into any kind of strategy game. Nobody really likes to play them though, they're too good.

94. Who accidentally sets something on fire?

Asami. Iroh hasn’t had a fire accident since he was four.

95. Who has the car ready while the other is robbing the store?

Asami. She’d rob the store, too, but no way is she letting Iroh drive.

96. What artist/group did they go to for their first concert?

Iroh booked a private box at the Republic City Opera, thinking that was an impressive thing he should do on a date. It turns out neither of them like opera, and by the end they were both making fun of it.

97. Who sleep talks?

Asami. Iroh thinks it’s funny.

98. Who is the more social one?

Asami, by a long shot.

99. What are their karaoke songs?

Neither of them would really sing karaoke, but Iroh cannot hold his liquor like at all so if he ever got really plastered Asami might be able to drag him up there. By which point he’d be too far gone to have an opinion on the song and would sing just about anything.

100. Who would get up on stage and make a fool of themselves just to make the other laugh?

Asami.

[lilunebriumplays]

oh geez don't be sorry, I'm excited to see you got into wayhaven finally! do you have a favorite romance?

Aaah anon, thank you so much! I'll still try and start using a queue though, I'm usually not overly active on here and now I feel like I'm all of a sudden flooding people's dashes, eeeeep (sorry guys!).

I thought long and hard on an answer to who my favourite romance is, but to be completely honest with you, I've reached the conclusion that I genuinely love all of them. Every route is so different and unique and brings it own appeal, I just love itttt. Every romance is different and every romance is completely valid and everything just makes sense within them.

(Eeep, so I turned out going on a bit of a ramble about every separate romance and what I love about them, so placed it under the cut to spare people’s dashboards!)

I love A because of the tensionnnnnnn and yearning, it's just so so so good 👌 But what really solidifies it for me is that, yes, neither A or the Detective are honest with their feelings, but it is never presented in a toxic manner.

There are still PLENTY of soft moments throughout, moments where they smile at each other, grow close to each other, and clearly appreciate each other's company.

Sure, those same moments get cut off by refusing to take the next step or even acknowledging they want to, but what I love so much about @seraphinitegames writing is that it's all done respectfully so. Neither A or the Detective are ever punished or made to feel worthless (sure they feel frustrated or sad, but there’s a distinct difference there). It’s always made clear that the reason A doesn’t go full-on into the romance is not because they don’t trust the Detective or that they’re not sure they like them - it’s because A doesn’t trust themselves and genuinely want what they think will make the Detective happiest. It’s a tragic romance, but never punishing.

Playing a genuine, friendly, deduction-based Detective for A's route, by far my favourite aspect is how they seem to just be effortlessly drawn to each other and are portrayed as so comfortable (the library-scene when you choose supernatural study is A+++ ♥), right up until one of them becomes aware of exactly that and takes a step back. Plus, the times where giving a patient response to A’s defensive comments and watching their armour slowly crumble as a result is just... *chef’s kiss* perfection. They are dorks and I love themmmm

Then there's N. My favourite part there is how N is just unquestioningly there for the Detective - dependable, reliable, supportive. Out of all the RO’s, I think N is the one who really shines through when it comes to taking an interest in the Detective’s view on matters. The other ones do as well, don’t get me wrong! But I think N is most vocal about it - they constantly check up on the Detective and ask them their opinion on situations, and make a point of conveying how much value they place in their company and just genuinely as a person in general. The fact that N was the one who wanted to explain everything to the Detective from the start as well really shows a genuine care and how much they appreciate and respect them. They are so refreshingly respectful of the Detective - letting them dictate the pace and constantly making sure they are ok with what is happening.  They value the Detective as a person.  

I play a stubborn, stoic, and independent Detective for their route, and honestly, N is just the best thing that could have happened to them, in a way that they provide them seemingly unconditional stability and support. Seeing the Detective slowly come out of their shell is such a rewarding narrative experience, and it’s a hallmark for N’s radiant influence.

M... oh man. So my detective for M’s route is bright and bubbly, focused on helping people and making horrible puns. At the same time, they get incredibly flustered at even the slightest hint of M’s interest in them. I have a feeling the route can play out quite differently when going for the Bold options, but my Detective basically spurned any and all advances from M right up until the hospital scene where they finally kissed. And it was just... so incredibly rewarding. 

I love how M’s route starts off with pure physical energy but gradually evolves into something that just exudes comfort and trust. It’s shown in such low-key details like M actually thinking about adapting their smoking habit before meeting the Detective again in book 2, or how M is gradually sitting closer to the Detective without giving it much thought, or the rooftop scene (T_T) where it’s inexplicably shown how much of a calming effect the Detective has on M. 

Throughout the entire romance, the focus can definitely lay on the flirting and the heat between M and the detective, but I personally get the most joy out of seeing how much M gets out of their shell because of the Detective - without question, and without seemingly any effort or conscious thought about it, the Detective is shown to slowly have become M’s anchor. Their way of connecting and engaging with the world. 

F. Oh my gosh. I don’t even know where to start. I played F’s route last, and I am so so so grateful I did, because there’s so many details you can pick up on if you play the other routes first. So many moments that are shared with other routes - the bedroom scene before the thrall attack in book 1 for example - where, if you pay attention to the details, you notice how the roles have been reversed in F’s romance route. The fact that the RO is usually the one to step towards the action with the Detective following them, yet with F it’s the other way around and F follows the Detective instead, is just such such such a small yet nice detail that perfectly portrays how sincerely F has fallen for the Detective. I love ittttttt. ;_;

They are sincere, genuine, upfront, inexplicably in love with the Detective and offer absolutely no excuse for it - in fact, they wear their love on their sleeve. No hiding, no second-guessing, no hesitation, just pure, unadulterated honest love. 

But what really, truly draws me towards F, is their joy. The light that they bring into the Detective’s life. The care and consideration. The laughs with them, the sly smiles, the upfront importance they place on their company, but above all, their optimism. Their sheer ability to pull the Detective up from any and all low and put a love for life back into them. The pure ability to enjoy and savour every moment has made the Detective’s life so much more radiant throughout the entire romance, it’s just...... I’m.......

F makes the Detective’s everyday infinitely more beautiful and enthralling just by effortlessly making them slow down and open their eyes to how rich and full and exciting and magical their life can be. 

Oh my gosh. I just love all four of them. Picking a favourite is genuinely impossible since their romances just cannot be compared to one another. Each one is so unique and beautiful and offers different joys. Sera really, truly, genuinely delivered such fantastic work on fleshing out her characters and stories, I am almost speechless.

(....I type, after having written essentially an essay, oops.)

[lany-d-flow]

Thoughts: Barret as a Father Figure

I wanted to give my perspective on this topic, as it's one of many stigma-heavy thoughts about the actions of FF7 characters. I'll try to provide examples based on anecdotal experience and the circumstances surrounding Barret and Marlene's lives.

So, is Barret overall a bad father?

So, short answer: No, I don't think so.

Long answer:

Okay, anyway, anyone who has seen or played Final Fantasy 7 is probably aware of two characters: Barret Wallace and Marlene Wallace.

We first see their dynamic early in both Final Fantasy 7 and Final Fantasy 7 Remake. We also see a bit of this written in further works of the Compilation of Final Fantasy 7 such as "On the Way To a Smile: Episode Barret and Episode Tifa".

On the surface, we see Barret's unconditional love for his daughter. So many quotes from the game reflect this:

"She's tougher than me"

"That's right, little angel, I am!"

"She's cute as a button, with the heart of an angel..."

...And many more quotes I could cite. As one more example, during the ending of Final Fantasy 7 Remake, we see a moment of Marlene taking care of reunion flowers while under Elmyra's care. After looking at them, Marlene and Barret call out to each other, foreshadowing a reunion in one of the next installments of Final Fantasy 7 Remake.

All right, so we see that these two love and think the world of each other. However, some view Barret as a poor father figure to Marlene for trusting her into someone else's care multiple times throughout the story, including but not limited to:

Having Tifa care for Marlene while AVALANCHE goes after mako reactors in Midgar; having Elmyra care for Marlene while Barret joins the crew to go after Sephiroth; and after defeating Sephiroth and Meteor, trusting Cloud and Tifa to act as parental figures to Marlene while Barret heads back to Corel to atone for his past and find a new purpose besides being a man with a weapon as his right arm.

All right, so based on these moments, one could argue that Barret is not being a good father due to how often he leaves Marlene in the care of someone else, and instead of truly settling down as her caretaker, pursues purpose(s) he thinks are more important.

However, I do not fully agree with this view, nor do I fully agree with other views that Barret's incapable of being a good father. Do I think he could be a better Father to Marlene? Perhaps, yes. Many of the roles that our heroes in Final Fantasy 7 have are not done perfectly. There are examples I could discuss now, but I'll save that for later. For now, I argue the reason Barret leaves Marlene in the hands of others is that...

Life’s answers for the greater good aren’t always as simple as they seem. To do what’s best for someone you look after--in this case, Barret’s daughter--there may come a time when someone else can fill in as a guardian if the person does not have enough emotional availability to care for an individual.

Allow me to demonstrate explain, first by starting with how long Barret has been her father figure in the first place: around 4 years. Barret adopted her to take his Dyne’s place as Marlene’s father figure. Dyne, his best friend, was lost when Shinra took their usual cover-up approach when a mako reactor incident occurred in Barret and Dyne’s hometown, Corel. Instead of owning up to their mistake, Shinra decided to destroy everything remaining in Corel, including its inhabitants. Barret tried to save Dyne, but his right arm that was holding Dyne was shot by a Shinra trooper, causing him to lose control of his forearm and leading to Dyne facing an unfortunate fall into the Corel prison. Among the inhabitants in Corel, Marlene was an infant when Barret took her in as an adopted daughter. Infact, here’s her character bio in a Final Fantasy Ultimania:

Barret’s four-year-old adopted daughter. She views Barret as her real father, having no memories of her birth father, Dyne (Barret’s old friend). Marlene is remarkably composed for a young child and even occasionally runs 7th heaven by herself. - Final Fantasy Ultimania Archive Volume 2 (Pg. 063).

So based on the context the story gives us, we can conclude Barret spent 4 years looking after Marlene while residing in Midgar. He was probably in the middle of taking on odd jobs during this time, of course, and could not see her 24/7. However, such action is necessary if he is to make a living for himself, and more importantly Marlene. Ultimately that part is up to interpretation. What’s not open to interpretation is when Tifa became a part of AVALANCHE, she was the one looking after Marlene during Barret’s missions with his crewmates (Wedge, Biggs, Jessie). While we know Barret was not always around to watch Marlene, we can conclude that he knew who to entrust his daughter’s safety towards, as someone like Tifa has many motherly qualities, and above many things, wants people to live, especially people she cherishes (And of course she eventually becomes Marlene’s mother figure along with Cloud acting as the father figure when Barret heads to Corel). Eventually, when the team decides to go after Aerith at Shinra HQ, Barret entrusts Marlene to someone else once again. This time. it’s Aerith’s step-mother Elmyra, who will continue to watch over Marlene until the end of our heroes’ journey. Perhaps we’ll get a moment of reunion near the end of Final Fantasy 7 Remake when the team returns to the people they are fighting for, but for the next month Marlene is without her father.

All right, we know the endgame of Final Fantasy 7. The team survives the Lifestream-Holy-Meteor clash and they are alive, but now they must find a purpose in their new lives. While Barret stays with Cloud, Tifa, and Marlene at edge for some number of months, helping to build a new Seventh Heaven bar and home for Cloud and Tifa, he eventually decides to embark to Corel and leave Marlene under the care of Cloud and Tifa.

Wow, what a way to not look after your child that you dote on so much, right? For being her adopted father, Barret sure does leave Marlene in the hands of someone else pretty often. For some people, this can lead to the conclusion that Barret is not a good father figure to Marlene and needs to learn how to settle down and act as a real parent for her. While it can be said that Barret’s not an amazing father, I believe what he’s doing does have a realistic approach. He has no job, he doesn’t feel fully available to watch his daughter, and in the midst of this there are two people who are more than willing--and happy--to look after the person he cares about so much. If Marlene can receive a better quality-of-life from someone close for the time being, isn’t it best to give her that better life for now?

Well, I want to get a bit anecdotal about this. I come from a family of 7 children so I got 6 siblings: 2 older half-sisters, 1 younger full-blooded sister, 1 younger half-brother, and 2 younger half-sisters (5 sisters, 1 brother). Well over a decade ago when there was 4 of us, my biological father and mother divorced, and the aftermath was extremely detrimental to everyone. My mother was in a heavy state of depression and lost a lot of money; there was very little food to come by; us children were pretty much doing as we pleased with little consequence at the time; and my birth father was hardly there to support anyone but my younger sister and me. 

So what action did my mother take for my older sisters? She sent them to another state for a year where our grandparents resided, as they were in a financially and mentally stable situation that could benefit my sisters for the time-being. 

I could be here all day talking about the outcomes in minute detail, but to make sure that doesn’t happen, I’ll give the general aftermath: Eventually my mother recovered, found someone who became a doting step-father for all of us, and has unconditionally supported all of us in what we do with our lives.

The point here is that life throws us in complicated situations, and parents sometimes hit said situations that involve their child(ren). Many parents will absolutely dote over their children. Barret absolutely dotes over Marlene and is extremely concerned for her safety. But like Barret, there arise decisions in one’s life that involve changing guardianship for children. Some people have to work overseas and cannot take their children with them, so for a little while they can entrust that duty to someone else they are close to. If I’m going to draw parallels from other games, then the Persona series is a good example. I’ll be more specific: Persona 4. The protagonist is sent to Inaba where his uncle, Ryotaro Dojima, resides with his daughter. This happens because the protagonist’s parents’ jobs require that they be sent overseas. But his parents do not have to worry about their son’s livelihood because he’s sent to be supervised under someone that they trust, and someone they’re related to.

Conclusion

Nobody is perfect, and life is complicated. Sometimes there are roles in our life that we want to accomplish, but when it involves someone you care about, especially your own child, you want to make sure they have the best life possible. Maybe Barret would love to spend his time with Marlene as much as possible, but before he can really do that, he needs to get his own life together first. When that happens, then he can return to the person he loves more than anyone else in Gaia. Let’s always remember: Children are brought into this world, and it’s a cruel world, just like the real world. We want them to be as prepared as possible for the challenges life throws at them, so while they’re still young, look for the greatest good they can get, like Barret does.

[minimitchell]

benmitchellweek day 4 - “i haven’t looked at these pictures in years.”  (ao3 link)

.

Ben has never really thought about what he considered his ‘home’. A long time ago, home meant the hot sun of South Africa, warm hugs and his mother’s perfume. Then, it meant being shifted from one house to the other, bruises on his skin and his dad’s disapprovement. Not so long ago, it meant bouncing from household to household, dragging his daughter and her mother with him like a couple of nomads.

Now though, home means a person. Means big hands, a warm smile and unconditional love.

It means a two-story house across the square from his dad’s, ready to be moved into by him and Callum. They finalized the purchase last week, now proud owners of No.1 Albert Square, and since then they’ve cleaned and painted and bickered with each other. All that’s left for them to do now is to pack up their stuff in their current home and carry it across the square to their future one.

It’s what Ben’s doing right now, trying to fit their life into the few cardboard boxes they bought, while Callum is across the street assembling furniture with Stuart and Jay. He’s currently rifling through their closet, divvying the things into piles labeled ‘keep’ and ‘toss’. He’s already found long-forgotten belongings from years of stuffing things into this closet - old magazines, little trinkets and just downright garbage.

It’s when he pulls out the dark green box from the back corner of the closet though, that he falls backwards onto the carpet, staring at the lid for a moment. He hasn’t looked at the contents of the box in years, but he knows every little thing that’s stored in there. He knows Callum has a similar box to this one, filled with letters and an old beret, but while Callum was willing to share these things with Ben, Ben hasn’t been able to lift the lid and let Callum look at them yet.

Because looking at these things still hurts. It still feels like someone is inside his rib cage squeezing his heart whenever he even thinks about one of the items in there. He wishes he could talk about it more, talk about him more, but Ben still feels like he’s only allowed to talk about Paul a couple of days a year. And it’s even harder to talk to Callum about it, because there’s always the guilt coming with it that he doesn’t deserve to move on and be so happy with someone else, while Paul never got that chance.

Ben is so focused on staring at the green box that he doesn’t even notice Callum joining him in the room until he sinks down onto the ground beside him, carefully running his hand over Ben’s back. 

“You okay?”

Ben wants to sound out a yes, wants to assure him that he’s fine, but no words are coming past his lips. Callum knows what this box is about, but because he’s the best possible partner for Ben, he’s never pushed him on it, knowing that he needs more time to talk about this; to get over this huge chasm created by Paul’s loss.

“I haven’t looked at these pictures in years. Or anything else in there.”

“You don’t have to.”

Ben blows out a long breath, shaking his hands like there’s some sort of imaginary weight on them he has to lift, before he carefully goes to lift the lid of the box, revealing the contents inside. Callum tries not to crane his neck in curiosity but to wait it out until Ben is ready.

The first thing Ben pulls out of the box is a weathered, crumpled receipt from the bottom of the box, smoothing it between two of his fingers. He regards it for a moment, a small smile forming on his face.

“I planned this date for us at Ian’s when we actually got together for real. It was just some burger and chips really but we got all dressed up. It was - he was - beautiful.”

Ben looks like he’s somewhere far away, stuck in the memory, and all Callum can do is rub his hand soothingly over the wide planes of his back.

“Sounds lovely.”

There’s a card in there Ben takes into his hands next, running his thumb over the logo of the tattoo studio not far from here. 

It’s not there anymore, the black ink long gone and replaced by red, marred skin, but the ghost of it lingers. Whether it’s covered by one of his bulky rings or left bare, the memory of it is always there.

“Do you regret it sometimes? Getting rid of it?”

Callum’s voice is low and careful when he poses the question, looking at Ben attentively to gather his reaction. They’ve never openly talked about the tattoo since Ben drunkenly brought it up all that time ago at the housewarming party and that one time Callum had absentmindedly started playing with Ben’s ring, which had caused Ben to get out of bed rather quickly.

“I was in a bad place when I did it. It was the first anniversary I was all alone and… I couldn’t take it anymore. I reckon, I would’ve done it sooner than later.”

Ben doesn’t elaborate any further and thankfully, Callum doesn’t ask either, just letting him get back to his memories.

He pulls out a photo next and tilts it towards Callum to show it off. It shows Ben with Paul, Pam and Les in front of Cokers’, all dressed up and smiling into the camera.

“That was one of the last photos we took. We planned to manage Cokers‘ together - imagine that, I would’ve been your boss - and live in the flat with each other. I always have to think about it; that I ruined our last days together. Because I wasn’t comfortable yet, cause I let my dad get to me.”

“I bet he didn’t feel that way. He knew it takes time to accept yourself. He was willing to work it out with you, to wait for you.”

Ben isn’t sure if they’re still talking about him and Paul or Callum and him right now but he does see the similarities. It warms his heart a little that he was able to be someone to Callum like Paul had been to him. Someone to trust and look for guidance to. It makes him feel like a slightly better person than he probably, definitely, is.

“I still feel so guilty. About moving on, about being so happy with you, about the future I want with you. I think I always will.”

It’s hard to admit that to Callum, because the last thing Ben wants is for Callum to feel bad about this or like Ben is blaming him even just one tiny bit. But for really the first time in his entire life he has someone next to him he can be completely honest with and Callum deserves to be let in by Ben, even with the things Ben’s reluctant to share with anyone other than himself.

“He’d want you to be happy though. And I bet he’d be proud of you, of who you‘ve become. And he’d want you to have your happy ever after.”

Ben doesn’t know if he completely agrees with what Callum is saying. 

He often wonders what Paul would think about everything. What would he say about Ben being a real, full-blown dad to Lexi and absolutely loving it? Would he like Callum despite the fact that he gets to live the life with Ben they had imagined? What would he say about Ben turning the car lot and the Arches around and making good profit with them? Does he think the ring, already safely stored away from Callum in one of the boxes, is a good idea?

“Will you be that?”

It’s the first time Ben fully faces him, letting the photo fall back into the box in the process. He can feel the tears fighting their way up into his eyes but he swallows them down for now, because this is supposed to be a joyous day; the first day in their own home. He just needs the physical confirmation that Callum is in this with him again and that he won’t leave - at least, not if he can help it.

“If you let me.”

Callum pulls Ben into him, letting him fall into his chest and bury his head underneath his chin. Callum presses his lips to Ben’s forehead and Ben feels so, so much conveyed in that one simple action. That he’ll always love him, will always protect him, will always be there for him. A sentiment, Ben is all too ready to reciprocate.

Because he really wants Callum to be his happy ever after as well.

[linkspooky]

Armin and Eren’s Neverland

Armin confesses to the sleeping Annie that he thought he knew Eren better than anyone, but he doesn’t understand him anymore. Eren shares a similiar sentiment with Armin before the timeskip, that there’s something inside of Armin, a dream that drives him, that Eren does not understand because he’s forgotten a long time ago. 

It’s ironic that the two of them claim to be unable to understand each other despite in my opinion, being far more like each other than Eren or Armin is to Mikasa. Ironic and what I will spend most of this meta discussing in tandem with Armin’s actions in 124 and 125.

1. “It Should Have Been Me” 

Armin and Eren are both driven by ideas, and not people. That’s what makes Mikasa the odd one out of the trio, despite the fact that they’ve been together their entire lives it’s really only Mikasa who is driven by her connections to other people. Armin is always looking at the big picture of the world, and Eren is always looking at his own internal motivations and struggles and because of that the two of them easily lose sight of the people around them. It’s just the ideas they follow are different, Armin intellectualizes, Eren goes with his heart. 

The strongest case I can make for the fact they are the most similiar to each other is this clear parallel between Trost, and the return to Shinagashina. Armin and Eren have been close friends since childhood, they’ve grown up together in the most literal sense possibile as the three of them have survived as a unit since being orphaned and then joining the army together. Eren obviously thinks that Armin is an important friend, he just chose to die for him without hesitation, but Armin’s response is this. 

He should be the one to die. It’s unthinkable Eren should sacrifice himself for a person like him, because Eren is obviously so better. This formative trauma in Trost is what we see Armin dealing with for the rest of the manga. Armin feels so absolutely weak and inferior in comparison to everyone around him that what he absolutely cannot stand is the idea that he might make a decision which would cost other people to die, or even his important friends to die while he himself might live. For Armin the better choice will always be to sacrifice himself so other people can live. 

Eren and Armin both assume that they are the weakest member of the group. That they are the ones who always hold everyone else back. No matter what they accomplish, no matter how hard they train, Eren and Armin both fundamentally believe themselves to be weak people. They are always fighting against that weakness they see within themselves. The reason Armin and Eren can’t let anybody close, or really anybody understand them is because they don’t want others to see how weak they are. 

They believe no one would ever accept them if they ever exposed their weak selves. For them there’s no such thing as unconditional love, it’s something they have to earn by proving themselves again and again. Because of this while Armin and Eren have intensive drive and motivation, they have to live continually running away from their own weakness. 

Armin and Eren take everything on their shoulders to prove that they’re strong, but on the reverse side they can’t handle it at all when things go wrong because that weakness is not something they can process. They live believing themselves to be constantly inferior to the people around them. Armin is literally so bad at talking about his feelings that he cannot talk to either Eren or Mikasa about his doubts, and instead rambles to a girl in a crystal because she’s the only one who would listen to him without judging him. 

Which is why the reverse parallel in RTS is so important, because the same way that Armin cannot accept Eren’s sacrifie for him, Eren absolutely could not accept Armin’s. Eren believes the exact same things, that all he can do is depend on Armin, that he’s the weakest one of the group, that he’s the burden. 

Armin and Eren cannot understand each other because their inferiority rubs against one another in the worst way possible. They’ve been friends but always at a comfortable distance. Neither of them wants the confrontation that comes with true understanding and friendship, because that would also mean confronting themselves. 

The most extreme result of this behavior, of always assuming it’s better if they’re the ones to suffer, if they’re the ones to die is Eren and Armin always choosing to sacrifice themselves. While Armin is so frustrated at Eren for choosing to go off on his own and bear the burden of the control titan all alone and make the decision for what happens to the world, Armin is the exact same. There’s more important parallel. 

Chapter 112, besides all the lies and Eren’s clear efforts to distance himself what is Armin’s breaking point in this conversation? It’s when Eren chooses to lash out Mikasa because he hates Mikasa’s greatest strength. Mikasa defines herself by her relationship to others, she forms strong connections and attachments to other people which is why she’s so genuine and loving of a friend to both of them. The flip side of that, the weakness, is that Mikasa has trouble deciding things on her own or understanding her own thoughts. However what rankles Eren is that attachment. Eren believes himself to be completely worthless so he can’t understand why someone like her would always rely on him. It gives him the love he so desperately wants, and yet Eren can’t be secure in himself and because of that can’t understand that love. 

Eren chooses to lash out at Mikasa instead. He doesn’t want to face his own feelings right now, so he takes it out on Mikasa. That’s the absolute breaking point for Armin, choosing to hurt Mikasa rather than face his own feelings. 

Yet we see Armin do the exact same thing this chapter. Armin’s explosion had nothing to do with Mikasa, and entirely to do with himself. Yes, Mikasa does need to learn to think for herself but we’re also shown in the same scene she’s the only person whose close to having her priorities in order and realizing the central problem with all of this that needs to be confronted is Eren. 

Armin yells and screams all of his personal insecurities out on her, and then makes her apologize for it. When Armin’s in a crisis he’ll do the exact same thing. It’s not that he was annoyed at Mikasa for always clinging onto him or asking him for help, it was entirely about his own insecurity. He has no idea why people are looking to him as the leader right now. He doesn’t want to be, he doesn’t believe he’s good enough, so when Mikasa tries relying on him even a little bit because she genuinely believes in him as a person Armin is unable to receive those feelings and just pushes her away. 

Eren and Armin are lost boys stuck in neverland together. What both of them are afraid of most of all is growing up and having to live with the losses of life, and that makes sense as they’re both child soldiers who have lost pretty much everything and are clinging to what little remains. 

2. Armin and Erwin

So, down to their ugly and slimy insides Armin and Eren are similiar because of how insecure they are. While there obviously is a tremendous pressure on Armin right now, I actually don’t think his breakdown is reasonable. Rather, Armin’s being unreasonable because he wants to run away. 

The difference between Armin and Eren is that Armin internalizes and Eren externalizes. Eren will throw himself in conflict, whereas Armin tries to keep his internal conflict all within himself because he’s so absolutely terrified of hurting other people. Which is exactly the problem. What Armin has been afraid of since the ambush, is that when he makes a decision people on the other end of that decision inevitably get hurt. Instead of trying to accept that, what Armin has done is continually act helpless like there are no decisions for him to make. He avoids any decision making, but that in itself is a decision. You can hurt people just as much by doing nothing, and trying to avoid hurting people as you can by intentionally hurting them. 

Which is also what Bertolt and Armin share in common as the colossal titan wielders, they’re both extremely kind boys but because of that despite having literally the strongest titan at their disposal they always, always, always, hesitate. 

We’re already seeing the fallout of Armin’s indecision. It’s not just that Connie decided to kidnap Falco, a child was about to die in front of Armin’s eyes because he didn’t do a good enough job of standing up to his friend to stop him. Despite Armin being the moral one, and the righteous one, he lets bad things happen because he himself cannot bring himself to decide, ironically because he’s so afraid of the wrong choice. 

Armin’s able to make logical arguments but he can’t reach people’s feelings because he is so out of touch with his own feelings. It’s a complete failure on Armin’s part to reach Connie, because Armin’s argument is so abstract. 

Armin’s constantly caring about the consequences of all of his actions at the same time, and because of that it makes him absolutely paralyzed to make any kind of important decision. Armin’s not being kind in that case, he’s being a coward. Armin can run into battle and try to sacrifice his own life just fine, but he can’t do what Hange said was an inevitable part of growing up. 

There’s no theoretical point where you get strong enough that you never have to lose anyone again. There’s no good decision that makes absolutely everyone happy. However, Armin and Eren live their lives like there is. Moving forward means accepting those feelings, whereas running away is the opposite of that. During that scene the only person that could let Armin go was Mikasa, almost like she’s the most sensible of the three when it comes to her relationships with other people. 

Armin saying that Erwin should have lived is running away. He’s relieving himself of the responsibility of making a choice. It’s easier for Armin to tell himself that there’s nothing he could do, that Erwin would do it better, rather than to try to be better. It’s the same pattern of avoidance that Armin has repeated his entire life. Armin’s so insecure about himself and unable to come to grips with his own feelings that he’s rendered himself helpess. These insecurities are like hairline cracks in his bones that could cause his whole skeleton to shatter, making him far more fragile then he appears. 

Hange argues that growing up, or growing into a soldier is being able to accept those feelings of loss and move forward. If you were to ask me what the difference between Armin and Erwin was, it has almost nothing to do with who is smarter.

Erwin’s strongest moment as a character to me wasn’t the charge, but rather this very human moment. When Erwin, much like Armin who has spent the past few years chasing a dream realizes that he has to compromise with reality and let go of that dream. It’s a moment of acceptance. 

Erwin is caught in a situation where there are no good choices, only bad ones. The differene between Armin and Erwin, is where Armin has continually tried to escape making a choice, Erwin chooses. Even though it’s a bad choice, he chooses. And even Erwin wasn’t that strong enough to make the choice but you know what he did. Rather than avoid a confrontation and try to hide how weak he felt he admitted all of his selfish feelings to Levi, and Levi helped him make that choice. His ability to connect with Levi, and the unfettered emotions the two of them shared allowed the two of them to become each other’s strength. Whereas as of this moment not only is Armin pushing Mikasa away to run off on his own (because that’s the only thing Armin is comfortable doing anymore) but his greatest weakness is Eren.

It doesn’t feel like Levi is choosing for Eren but rather it’s a choice they make together. For Armin that weakness he desperately wants to run away from is never going away, even Erwin still had that same weakness. The choice is if he’s going to keep being avoidant, if he’s going to repress those feelings and stop himself from feeling them or if he’s going to try to live with them like Erwin did. 

3. Armin and Annie

Which is why finally the foiling between Armin and Annie that has been built up since the female Titan Arc is so interesting. The first thing Annie does to Armin as the female titan is spare his life. Armin who thinks his own life is worthless. Armin who thinks he’s nothing more than a burden to others is spared by the same girl who kills her other comrades indiscriminately. 

We see in 125 the full extent of that parallel as Armin and Annie are now almost complete opposites in their drive and motivation. Armin is unable to live and is trying to throw his life away rather than face the future or make any kind of choice. Whereas, Annie’s strongest and most powerful driving factor has always been to live.

Annie and Armin have both done terrible things to people, people have died as a result of their actions. However, there’s a difference in their reactions, Annie is trying to take the path of living with what she’s done. 

The reason she can is because she has a secure connection that Armin lacks right now. As messed up as her relationship with her father is, there’s also geniune love there. This gives Annie at least some sense of worth, as closed off as she is to everyone around her she’s open to that connection with her father. She’s able to define herself as someone who wants to live to see him again. 

Armin has nothing. He has vague and very distant dreams of the future, he has no idea what he wants anymore. He has no idea what is right and wrong, and rather than thinking about it he just abstracts himself further and further.

We literally see this in the paneling, Armin is being torn in half by the sheer number of decisions he has to make but is not making. While Annie’s trying to live for some kind of future at least, Armin’s desperately avoiding the future and distracting himself going after Connie which is the least helpful thing he could be doing. 

If Armin si completely out of balance right now then Annie is in balance. Her failure during the female titan arc has allowed her to realize that both things are important, that she has her own loved ones, but also there are complete strangers who have loved ones just as important to them as her father is to her. The key is to make a balance between this tension, rather than let yourself be pulled apart by it with worry like Armin is. He can’t lose Eren, but he also can’t lose the world, even when he’s forced to choose between the two. 

Which is why a confrontation between the two is inevitable. Annie’s motivations are primarily selfish, she wants to see her father again. However, the world won’t let her see her father because the outside world is going to be destroyed if she does nothing and pretends like the current conflict is none of her business. 

Whereas Armin is to worried about the consequences his actions will have on the world to admit what his own personal feelings are. He’s too selfless but that ends up hurting people worse with his indecision. The world is going to end while he’s still arguing with himself and avoiding Eren. What Armin needs is what Annie has that strong sense of self, and what Annie needs is what Armin has that ability to think outside of her own perspective and let herself connect to other people. Annie wants to fight for her connections and try to do the right thing the same way Armin does because she clearly felt too much guilt as the female titan which led to her loss, and Armin wants to fight for himself and figure out what it is he wants with the same confidence that Annie alredy has. 

Both of them child soldiers who through confonting one another will probably help the other grow up the same way Levi helped Erwin finally be able to decide. Growing up means accepting that you might one day lose those connections, but opening yourself up to those connections and even letting them see you at your absolute worst, fighting with them, grappling with them, helps determine grow into the person you need to be.