#like they can’t drop a new road map just because people got mad

[nezumasa]

Working corporate is like…I see complaints in other corporate industries (Ex. Gamedev for major companies on the paperwork/planning side) and it’s like…you really cannot speed up on the drop of a hat. At most, it’s the next road map (if there is one) that’s gonna reflect changes on speed and content.

Like I have so many meetings and back-and-forths and my coworker has been working on the same major [redacted] for months. It’s really fucking hard to get people together/on the same page/emails when everyone is swamped and also doing their own shit too.

[scullydubois]

Only the Light: Ch. 9

9/? | AU where Melissa moves in with Scully after Scully’s abduction | angst, msr slow-burn, occasional fluff | currently: s2, ep 12, Aubrey | T (for now?) | 4.3k | previous chapters | read on ao3 | tagging: @today-in-fic

Back in DC, Missy helps Scully get to the bottom of what's plaguing her. As Scully's journey gets a bit clearer, Missy drops a bombshell about her own life.

---------------------------

Scully’s stomach clenches as the plane touches down on the runway, jostling she and the rest of the passengers around like pawns in its game. Only forty-eight hours ago, she and Mulder had lifted off toward another mystery, another puzzle daring them to solve it. Now she is back, knowing scarcely more than she did then, with a mystery of her own to solve. She is forever chasing ghosts, and trying not to become one. 

As the winged giant rolls into its gate, Scully glances out the window. Thick clouds blanket the sky, an unending greyness rolling out over the city as far as the eye can see. So much for there’s no place like home. She’s been realizing lately that home is a feeling, not a location. Sometimes she feels like she needs a map to navigate her own apartment, or like everyone in DC knows some language she never learned. Well, almost everyone. There are a couple people who speak the same language as her.

And she’s about to see one of them now. The crowd of passengers--mostly suits who had sleepless nights-- stand up in their rows, ready to file out into the bureaucratic machine. The man on the outside of Scully’s row opens the overhead compartment and pulls down his bag and the carry-ons of Scully and the woman next to her. Scully thanks him demurely. She can’t remember the last time someone other than Mulder did that for her.

As they fall into line and shuffle off the plane, Scully wonders what her life will look like next time she boards a plane. With any luck, this will all be a fluke and she’ll be heading back to Aubrey tomorrow. Then again, even if it isn’t a fluke, she’ll still probably join Mulder back in Aubrey. She knows herself.

What would she say to him, then? Having to admit she lied about her reason for leaving, coming back with the type of news that turns worlds upside down...it doesn’t seem fair to him. It hasn’t been fair to her either, but that’s out of her hands.

She had knocked on Mulder’s door before the sun was even up. She hadn’t expected him to be awake, and so was particularly surprised when he came to the door with a towel around his waist. Evidently, he hadn’t expected her either (though who else is coming to his motel door at 6am?) because the longer she stood there in front of his barely dressed body, the more his color drained away. 

Needing a lie lame enough to be true, Scully told him that Melissa had sprained her ankle and would need some help getting around for a couple days.That she asked Scully to come home rather than go stay with their mother, because who better to be nursed by than a doctor? Mulder had nodded, told Scully to go, assured her he could handle BJ and the case. Scully is sure that Mulder knows what she told him is a lie. But he didn’t object, and that’s the permission she needed to feel settled with him and herself. 

She follows everyone off the plane, through the tunnel, and into the terminal. Moments like this remind her of her obsolescence in the universe, and she is somehow comforted by that. She is no chosen one, no messiah nor martyr, no mother of a holy child. She would like to stay that way.

She surveys the crowd waiting to pick up their beloved passengers. All of her fellow fliers, mere faces in her vicinity for an hour or two, are someone to somebody else. She is, too. They are all emerging from obscurity into a realm where they are known, for better or for worse. 

At the edge of the crowd, Scully catches her sister’s unmistakable smile and glowing red locks. She saw her sister only two mornings before, but Missy reacts as if they’ve been separated a lifetime. She engulfs Scully in a hug that just about sends the butterflies in her stomach into hibernation. 

“How are you feeling?” Missy asks, pulling away to scan her sister’s face for the honest answer she won’t give. 

Aware of this, Scully turns the corners of her mouth up. “I’m okay, really. My migraine went away at about four in the morning.”

“So you barely slept,” Missy interjects. 

Scully frowns. “Well, I laid in bed from roughly eight to six. There was sleeping involved at some point, I think.”

“How about on the plane? Did you sleep there?”

“No, you know I can never sleep with strangers around.”

“Oh, right. Did they teach you that at the Academy or something?”

“The things I saw at the Academy taught me that.”

“Oh.” Missy regrets bringing it up. As they head toward the luggage area, she holds out her hand, lets her sister place the handle of her carry-on in it. A silent apology, an acknowledged acceptance.

“So what did you end up telling Mulder?”

Scully is endeared that she has successfully chipped away at her sister’s tendency to call him by his first name.

“Oh god, you’re gonna think it’s so stupid.”

Missy laughs. “What did you say?”

Scully’s voice is rife with amusement. “I told him that you sprained your ankle and needed a doctor around to take care of you.”

Melissa bursts into laughter. “Good girl.” Scully would kick a man in the groin if he ever said that to her, but coming from her sister, it’s high praise.

----------------

They ignore the elephant in the room until they make it to Missy’s car. The plastic of a CVS bag rustles at Scully’s feet as she settles into the passenger seat. 

“Three pregnancy tests,” Melissa explains. “I stopped on the way.”

“You didn’t have to--”

“But I did.” That had been their father’s comeback whenever someone tried to, as he called it, ‘pity the helper.’ They both smile just a bit, their memory of him alive and well. 

“Can I pay you back?”

“No!” Missy insists. “I’m living with you rent free.”

Scully decides this is a good enough reason to let it go. She crosses her legs, watches her sister pull out of the space. She lets a question float around her head until they make it out of the labyrinth of airport side roads.

“Do you think I would be a good mother?”

Missy flicks her gaze toward her sister. Dana is peculiar in her way. Instead of fishing for sympathy like most people when they ask questions of this nature, she expects punishment. She’s practically asking to have a nail hammered into her cross. 

“You’d be a wonderful mother, Dana,” Missy soothes. “You’ve never had a bad intention in your life.”

“Haven’t I?...I killed a snake with Bill and Charlie once.”

“And you cried afterward. I remember seeing the tear stains on your face when you got home. Not to mention that you were what, five or six?”

“Well, what about Daniel? Surely my judgement was wrong there.”

Melissa sighs. “Okay, I’ll rephrase it. Any bad intention you’ve ever had was paid for with regret, and that’s not true about most people.” She frowns. “It’s always the purest souls who are the hardest on themselves.”

Scully stares through the windshield. She will expend no brainpower on her sister’s implication. She doesn’t believe it to be true. 

After a moment--“Do you remember those Raggedy Ann dolls we had, Betsy and Betty?”

Melissa smiles, nods. “Of course. Betsy was yours, and Betty was mine. We had those little wooden bassinets for them.”

“Right.”

Missy lets the memories flow back to her. “We used to sing lullabies and rock them to sleep. Actually, I’d sing, you’d pray with them. Mom and dad thought it was the sweetest thing ever, and I would get so mad at you. I thought you were sucking up to them.”

Scully laughs. This is the first time she’s heard of her sister’s woes. “Missy, I was three. There was no conspiring going on.”

“Say what you will, but your stocking was always a little bit fuller than mine.” She smirks at her sister, who blushes and looks at her lap. 

Dana has the unfortunate distinction, at least in Melissa’s mind, of being the favorite daughter. Bill Jr. always was and will be the favorite child. He molded to all their parent’s expectations of him, never deviating from the upstanding family man they imagined when holding him for the first time. Dana had done well up until she decided on the Academy. As Missy reminded her countless times, it wasn’t that they hated her going into the FBI. It just wasn’t in their vision for her, that’s all. 

Missy doesn’t fret about her place, even finds it somewhat funny. She isn’t the least favorite child per say (thanks Charlie!) but she is the least favorite child her mother is still in contact with, and that’s a title that takes some maneuvering. 

Scully laces her fingers together, rests them in her lap. “Do you remember telling me that I wasn’t a good mommy one night when we were putting Betsy and Betty to sleep?”

Melissa looks to her sister so quickly she practically forgets she needs to be watching the road. “No, of course not.”

Scully can’t meet her gaze. “Well, I know it’s a silly thing, and we were just children, but it’s stayed stuck in my brain for all these years.”

“Dana, you had probably just finished a ‘now I lay me down to sleep’ prayer, and I felt like I needed to knock you down a notch.” She pats her sister’s shoulder. “There was no truth in it, and I’m sorry it’s bugged you for so long.”

Scully shifts in her seat. The CVS bag crackles as her heels bear down on it. “I’m afraid it’s turned into a self-fulfilling prophecy at this point.”

Melissa won’t give weight to her sister’s worries, but won’t discount them either. “The good news about a self-fulfilling prophecy is that you can always change your thinking...You don’t believe in psychics, so don’t try to be one.”

Scully looks at the dashboard, then her sister. “I would hug you right now if we weren’t doing 75,” she coos.  

Something has clicked in her head, some comfort she has long been depriving herself of. Sometimes words fill in the cracks left by those that preceded them. The right words go even further, it turns out. The right words give you permission to heal. 

-----------------

A dreadful anticipation plagues her as she and Missy walk up to the apartment. She wants to get it over with, even if it goes badly (and she knows it very well might). She craves the relief of surviving such an ordeal. Scully imagines that this is what the French must have felt on their walk to the guillotine. Except instead of the relief of surviving, they got the release of death. Scully is not ready for this yet.

Missy unlocks the door, ushers her sister in. Dana is not used to coming home and finding things in different places than before, Missy can tell from the inquisitive look on her face. She is surveying her territory, updating her memory bank. Looking for the exit signs, maybe.

Melissa closes and locks the door. Letting her sister set the pace, she leaves the CVS bag on the side table. Dana has already taken the carry-on and suitcase to her room.

Her room, Scully finds, is a shrine to sameness, everything looking exactly as she left it two days before. Untouched and completely under her control...these are the reassurances she requires now. She lifts the suitcase onto her bed but leaves it zipped. Its fate is no clearer than hers at the moment. Then she places the carry-on on her dresser, makes a mental note to let Mulder know she made it home safely, and returns to her sister in the living room.

“Have you eaten?’ Missy asks, edging toward the kitchen.

“I won’t be able to until we get this over with,” Scully replies, making her priorities clear.

“Okay.” Missy won’t fight her on this one. She retrieves the bag off the side table, perches at her sister’s side. “Are you ready now?”

Scully screws up her face. “No, but yes. I just need to know at this point.”

Missy takes her sister’s hand with a specific kind of gentleness, like a fairy godmother about to cast a spell upon her princess. Scully is willing to be led. She follows her sister into the bathroom and sits on the closed toilet while Missy pulls the pregnancy tests from the bag. Scully tries not to think about any moment beyond the current one as her sister opens each test, lines them up along the counter. 

“Do you want me in here or outside?” Missy’s tone matches the sympathy that Scully needs.

“Outside, please,” Scully says sheepishly, wishing she could have some guts for once. If no one else witnesses this moment, then maybe it’s not happening. Flawed reasoning that even Mulder wouldn’t agree with, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

“Okay. I’ll be right on the other side of the door.”

Scully nods her thanks as Missy slips out of the bathroom and shuts the door quietly. Left alone, she feels the crushing gravity that has been trailing her all along. She’s almost certain that her heartbeat would be visible through her skin if she looked. 

She stands, picks up the first test, opens the toilet. Her hands shake so violently that she thinks she might drop the stick in the toilet, which would be a pretty terrible way to return her sister’s kindness. She pulls it away and takes a deep breath to steady herself, holding her arms out in front of her like a sleepwalker. All the things she’s seen, and she’s never been as scared as this moment. Never felt the life she knows and has grown to love so acutely threatened. Never balked at the future in such a fervent way.

It occurs to her that she might seriously need her sister to come in and help her. The thought of that is just pathetic enough to kick her into action. Her hands are barely any more steady than before, but her resolve is ironclad. 

On the other side of the door, Melissa listens as a long period of silence is broken. She’s sitting down, her head resting against the wood, a hand laid against the door like it’s the chest of a lover. 

Silence again, ruptured by Scully’s quiet murmur. “Will you hold on to the test, please? And read the result when it’s ready?” She didn’t know she would need this, but she does. 

“Of course.” 

Scully cracks open the door, passes the stick to her sister. “I wiped it off.” 

Missy suppresses a laugh. “I wouldn’t care if you didn’t, but thank you.”

Scully closes the door quickly, not wanting to hold eye contact with her sister, not wanting to accidentally see the result herself. “Two minutes, right?” Her voice is on the verge of breaking.

“Yes, Dana. Two minutes.”

“Should I wait to do the next one?”

Missy eyes the test, waiting for it to make up its mind. “You can go ahead. It’ll take two minutes too.”

“Okay.” Scully’s voice is barely audible.

“Or you can wait,” Missy offers. “I just suspect that you’d want to check the accuracy as soon as possible.”

“Uh-huh.” She grabs the second test, wearily sits back down. 

Missy’s voice reverberates through the door. “I’ve done this before you know. For myself and for a friend.”

“Really?” Scully’s brain had tricked herself into thinking she was all alone.

“Mm-hm,” Missy confirms. “Mine were never positive, but hers were. I went to Planned Parenthood with her.”

“Oh.” There are things, Scully realizes, that she has neglected to think about. Or maybe she’s putting that off until she knows for sure. It wasn’t a conscious decision, more of an act of self-preservation. Her gut feeling is that she wouldn’t, but she never envisioned herself in a situation like this. If there’s any situation where it’s justified, it’s this, right? Not that she has a problem with it; women should be able to choose for themselves. She just always thought she knew what her choice would be. 

Melissa lifts her eyes from her watch, looks at the door as if she can see her sister through it. “It’s ready.”

“It’s been two minutes?” Scully’s voice rises.

“Uh-huh. Do you want me to come in or…?”

Scully scrambles up, lays the second test on a fresh piece of toilet paper. “I’ll come to you.”

She opens the door, kneels to be eye level with her sister. Prayer position is in close proximity. She bites her lip, her dilated pupils begging her sister to either curse her or free her.

A thin smile appears on Missy’s face as she flips the test so that Scully can read it. “Negative.”

One line. One very defined red line set against the white space. Has anyone, Scully wonders, ever gotten a tattoo of that?

“I--” Tears burst out of her instead of words. She lands in her sister’s arms, utterly unsure of what she’s feeling. Relief, yes. Happiness? Not quite. Sadness? Something like that. 

Missy smooths her sister’s hair down, holds her in the tightest hug she’s probably had in decades. “How do you feel?”

Scully is tempted to ask how her sister does that, always there with the tough questions. Instead, she gulps air until she’s calmed down enough to talk. 

“I don’t know,” she laments, tears streaked down her reddened face. “I thought I would be glad but...I just feel numb. Like I went down the wrong fork in the road and missed something important, but I don’t even know what it is since it didn’t happen.” She sniffles. It sounds like a heart breaking. “I just know it’s supposed to be there.”

“I thought you didn’t want--”

“Not under these circumstances, no. But then...when else is it gonna happen?” Her voice is a sheet of glass. “Because it doesn’t look like any time soon.”

Missy hugs her once again, rocking her back and forth. She overflows with warmth, sympathy, and love. “Honey, you have plenty of time to make your life what you want it to be.”

Scully sobs into her sister’s neck. She feels like an emotional hemophiliac, constantly hemorrhaging pain. Every time she thinks she’s bottomed out, there’s farther to fall. “I’m sorry I’m such a mess,” she says, wiping her face. “I didn’t know I would be.”

Missy pulls her in a third time. “Don’t ever apologize to me for anything, even the things you’re actually wrong about.”

Scully laughs half-heartedly. “Oh!” She realizes then. “We still have two more tests, don’t we?”

Missy nods, smiles empathetically. “The second one should be ready by now.”

Scully is about to get up, but Missy lays a hand on her back, beats her to it. “I’ll grab it.” She strides into the bathroom, picks the stick up off the counter, and takes a look. Again, she flips it so her sister can see. “Negative.”

Scully presses her lips together, a stopgap to any further emotional reaction. “We should do the third one then, just to be sure?”

Missy detects a lift in her sister’s voice, a space she’s made for hope. “Whatever you’d like, Dana.” It seems that her sister will always end up disappointed through no fault of her own, no matter what she wishes for. This chills Missy to the bone.

---------------

The sisters share dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets for lunch because this is the kind of food Melissa buys when left to her own devices. Missy dunks hers in honey mustard, Scully takes hers plain. Remnants of anxiety hang in the air; Scully’s plight remains unresolved, and they are well aware of that. Whatever path they are walking, this is just the beginning. 

The phone interrupts their silent reverie, and Scully hops up to disguise the fact that its ringing made her jump. “It’s probably Mulder,” she tells her sister. “I meant to call him when we got home.” Missy nods, continues with her nuggets. 

Scully grabs the phone off the wall. “Hello?”

“Hey, is Mel there?” It’s a sweet, flowery voice, very different from the one Scully expected. She furrows her brow. Could Mel refer to her sister? She’s never heard anyone call Melissa that. “Who is this?” Missy looks up, watches her sister curiously. It’s not Mulder, evidently. 

The woman on the other line clears her throat. “It’s Trinity. Am I speaking to Dana?”

“Yes, this is Dana,” Scully says slowly, unnerved by the caller knowing her name. “Are you calling for Melissa?” Scully offers, hoping she might get out of this scot-free. 

Hearing this, Missy wipes her hands on a napkin, gets up, and rushes toward Scully, holding her hand out for the phone.

Scully ignores her, keeps the phone to her own ear as the caller speaks to her. “I am, but I was actually wondering about you. Mel told me your worries. How are you doing, Dana?”

Scully is now particularly spooked. Who is this woman, and why does she know all of her business? Missy pokes Scully in the bicep, then gestures for the phone. Scully hasn’t seen her sister this greedily desperate since she snuck out the window when she was seventeen and needed Scully to unlock the front door so she could get back in before their parents woke up.

“Um, Trinity is it, Missy--Mel wants to talk to you.”

“Oh, okay! It was nice to finally meet you!” the cheery voice practically sings. Scully just nods and makes her usual ‘Mulder you’re crazy face’ as she hands the phone off to her sister.

“Hi, Trin.” Missy speaks in a rush. “I can’t really talk right now, but Dana is home and all the tests were negative so she’s doing okay. I’ll call you tonight, alright?”

Scully can hear the voice on the other line, but she can’t make it out. Her sister says “I love you, bye” into the phone, then hangs up.

Scully raises an eyebrow, feeling it her duty as the little sister to pry. “Who was that…?” 

Missy puts the phone back on the wall, circles around to her plate, sits down. She answers calmly, casually. “That’s Trinity. She lives in Portland, we used to waitress together.”

Scully slides back into the seat across from her sister. “How come you’ve never mentioned her? She seems to know a lot about me.”

“Well, you’re the reason I moved to DC and all.”

“I didn’t know you were still in contact with anyone from the West Coast.” Scully picks a stray crumb off one of her nuggets, thankful that her sister is in the line of questioning for a change. 

“I bounced around the area for three years, of course I have friends from there.” She grabs her own empty paper plate, points to her sister’s. “Are you done?”

Scully pushes the plate--with two uneaten chicken nuggets--toward Missy. “With the food, yes. Not with the questions.”

Melissa takes both of the plates to the trash, then rinses her hands in the sink. “Yes. Does that answer your question?”

“Depends. What do you think my question is?”

Missy dries her hands on the dish towel, swivels to face her sister. “Is Trinity my girlfriend? Because yes, she is.”

Scully’s mouth drops open the slightest bit. She had known Missy was bi, but she had never met any of her girlfriends, not even in passing. Missy tended to keep them to herself, fearing that the Scully family might encroach on the holy ground she created. “Really?” she asks excitedly. 

“Uh-huh.” Missy sits back down at the table. “For nine months now.”

“Are you serious? That’s incredible, Missy! Why didn’t you tell me?”

Missy just raises her eyebrow. Scully feels like she’s looking in a mirror. “What? You know it doesn’t bother me.”

“Sure, but mom, and Bill…”

“I don’t think that mom would be upset by it,” Scully answers level-headedly. “Surprised maybe, but not mad.”

Missy balls up a napkin, tosses it back and forth between her own hands. “I don’t know that she would be, I just...don’t trust that she wouldn’t. And besides, nothing mom says or does will change how I feel about Trinity. So it’s not really a pressing issue. No need to cause a scene.”

“I can’t believe you moved here without mentioning her. I wouldn’t have let you leave her, you know.”

Missy laughs. “Oh, I do. That’s why I didn’t say a word.” Scully’s laugh is her first genuine one all day.

“She seems very nice,” Scully says, flicking a crumb off the table.

“Oh no, she’s a total bitch,” Missy replies. There’s a moment of silence while Scully figures out that was a joke, then they both laugh.

“Just kidding. I love her very much.” Missy’s smile could melt ice. “I’m glad you got to talk to her. Now my two favorite ladies have technically met!”

“I’m afraid to ask whether I’m in first or second place.”

Missy reaches out across the table. “I moved across the country for you, honey.” Then, with a smirk--”But I could move back any day now, so watch out!”

Scully smiles, nods. She can’t imagine what these past few weeks would have been like without her sister near. She hopes Missy never goes away again, as unrealistic a thought as it is. If there are angels on Earth, her sister is one. But Mulder too has emerged as a force in her life; no one destabilized her life quite like him, but he would be her rock if she let him, she knows this. She owes him a call. She knows that too.

[comicgeekscomicgeek]

Their Hero Academia: Once Upon a Time

Presenting the next installment of my on-going, nextgen, MHA fic! Earlier chapters can be found here

Once upon a time, in a far off land, there lived a boy named Isamu.   He was tall and he was kind and he was known for being extraordinarily fleet of foot.  It was said that he had a kind word for everyone, though he was possessed of a nervous disposition, given to jumping at the slightest surprise.  But in spite of that, he was quick to speak up for those in need and quick to rush to the aid of others.

In other times, he might have been a knight, a protector of the realm, so great was his desire for to help others.  But that was an impossible thing, because he was a commoner.  He had no noble lineage and parents were ordinary people.  It had been said in times past that the common folk could earn knighthood by special deed, but in his small town, it seemed as though that would never happen.  Isamu fully expected to live out a normal, happy life, free from the troubles and adventures that had once plagued the land.

But fate often has a way of proving such beliefs wrong, as Isamu would find out one summer day.

***

His parents had sent him to the neighboring larger city to sell some of their wares and it had been a good day.  Isamu was ready to return home and his pack was lighter by far but his coin purse heavier.  Just as he finished tying together the bundle of his pack, an ugly voice split the air.

“Give us your purse and we won’t hurt you. Much.”

His eyes instantly went to the source of the voice.  Two big men, both of rough and dangerous, had cornered a girl about his age and had her blocked against a wall.  She wore a hooded cloak, despite the summer heat, but from what he could see, she was pale and very slight.  There would be very little that she could do to defend herself.

He looked around.  No one was paying them any attention.  It was just one more facet of life in a bigger city, he guessed. People said it happened all the time.  People said things like “somebody ought to do something about it.”  But right now, there weren’t even any members of the city watch around.

He should have just kept walking.  It was none of his business.  This was just the way of the world sometimes.  No one would have blamed him.  Both of the men had muscles he could only dream about and both were armed, carrying knives that looked like they had not been cleaned in some time.  He was just a gangly young man and no one would have ever expected that he act.

And yet, his body moved on its own.

Before he knew what he was doing, he was running forward, swinging his pack through the air in big circles.   He let out a sound that was half battle cry and half terrified scream before releasing it.  The pack sailed through the air and hit the nearest of the two with a heavy impact, knocking him senseless.  The sound of shattering pottery told him that he would be having a very difficult discussion with his parents when he returned home, assuming he survived the next several minutes.

“What the hell?” the one who was still standing asked, turning to face him.   He swung his knife wildly, slicing through the air.  “That was a mistake, boy!  You’re going to pay for that!”  He took a menacing step forward, the girl seemingly forgotten for a moment.

It was starting to look even less likely that he was going to survive the next few minutes.  Which was, in truth, a relief, because it meant he would not have to explain anything else.  He could only hope that the girl would run while the man took his anger out on him.

But just as suddenly, the man paused, stopping dead in his tracks.  Fear flashed over his face and the knife fell to the ground, his fingers suddenly gone boneless from terror.  “I… we weren’t meaning no harm, see?” the man babbled.  “I’ll just… be going now…”

Isamu did not know what caused the man to turn tail and run, but he was grateful for whatever it was.  The girl, who had not fled as he had hoped, stepped over the unconscious form of her other attacker and smiled at him.  Up close, he could see that she was very beautiful and had kind eyes.  Her smile made him feel as though all was right with the world.

“Thank you,” she said, and her voice was soft, barely above a whisper, like someone unaccustomed to speaking loudly.  “You were very brave.  But there was no need to endanger yourself.  I would have been all right.  And even if I was not, my friends would have taken care of them.”

Her friends?

A grunt behind him made him turn.  Behind him was a young man about his age, with a shock of green hair, dressed in well-worn, but clearly high class clothes, a scabbard on his back and a sword in his hands.  Next to him was the most terrifying girl he had ever seen, short, but with thick muscles and red eyes that seemed to glow.  She had to be from the barbarian outlands, for she was dressed in furs and skins, her arms and stomach exposed to the elements.  An axe that looked far too heavy to hold was in her hands and her face was twisted up in rage.

The boy relaxed when he saw that things seemed to be all right.  “Thank you,” he said to Isamu, replacing his sword in its scabbard.  “We could have handled them, but I’m glad we didn’t have to.”

The scary girl on the other hand, pushed past him and approached the girl, putting her hands on her upper arms with a tenderness that surprised him.  “Are you all right, Izumi?” she asked.

“I am fine,” the other girl said.  “You worry too much, Katsumi.”

“I worry exactly the right amount,” the scary girl—Katsumi—said.  “It’s not safe for you here.  We need to…”

A stiff breeze chose that moment to pick up, and it flung the pale girl’s hood back, fully revealing her pale face and soft features.  Hair that was white, but became red, cascaded from her head.

Isamu sucked in a breath in surprise.  Even being from a small village, he recognized the princess of the realm.

***

“You’re the… you’re… you’re…” Isamu stammered, arms flailing through the air wildly.  Some powerful instinct dropped him to his knees and he averted his eyes.  Of all the people in all the land, he never would have expected in a thousand years to see the princess!  What was she doing here?  Why wasn’t she at the castle?  And why was she in the company of a barbarian?

“Please,” Princess Izumi said, “rise.  There is no need for ceremony here.”  She carefully pulled her hood back up, hiding her hair once again.

“And you’re going to blow our cover, you fool!” the barbarian woman snarled, clenching a fist.

It was the green haired boy who helped him back to his feet, offering him a hand up.  Isamu took it gladly.  “Sorry about that,” he said.  “Katsumi can be a little scary, but she is right.  We can’t afford to draw any attention to ourselves.  There’s people chasing us who would do anything to catch us.”

“Tell the whole flaming world, why don’t you, Toshi?” the barbarian girl, Katsumi, snapped.

“I should at least like to compensate you for your troubles,” Princess Izumi said, reaching into the pouch on her belt.  “We do not have much, but you risked much for us and…”

Isamu shook his head. The click of coins sounded like silver or maybe gold, money that would have more than paid for what he lost in merchandise throwing his pack. “I don’t need a reward.  It was the right thing to do, even if it cost me.”

“Great,” Katsumi said, pacing impatiently.  “He’s fine.  You’re fine.  We’re all fine. Can we go now?  We need to get to Naruhata by nightfall.”

“As soon as we figure out where it is,” Toshi said.

The barbarian girl gave him a menacing look, though Toshi did not flinch from it.  In fact, he seemed far too used to it.  “Which would be a lot easier if you hadn’t the lost the maps.”

“I apologized for that already!  And I didn’t lose them!  They set them on fire!”

“Naruhata?” Isamu asked.  He didn’t want to think about who they were.  “I’m from there.  I can take you.”

In the back of his mind, he wondered if whoever they were, they would follow.  Was he bringing danger home?

But this was the princess.  The boy seemed important too.  He didn’t know about the barbarian; she was too scary to focus on for long anyway.  He would swear that her eyes seemed to glow when she got mad(der), and that he could see little puffs of smoke on her breath.

The barbarian girl looked at him with her wild eyes.  “Well, guess who just got himself elected guide.”

Princess Izumi laid a hand on the barbarian’s shoulder.  “There is no need for that, Katsumi.  You’re frightening him.”

Katsumi seethed for a moment, but calmed under the princess’s touch.  “Hmph.”

The princess turned to him.  “I am afraid we must ask for your help again. It may be dangerous.  But the safety of the kingdom, the safety of our parents, the safety of everything depends on our mission.”

That was scary news indeed.  But what could Isamu do?  His father had always said that if you were able to help someone, you should.  Small acts of kindness had the power to move mountains.

“I’ll take you,” he said.

***

The light of day was beginning to fade as they walked the road from the city to Naruhata.  It wasn’t far, only a couple of hours walk, but there were some parts that were tricky if you didn’t know the way, where the road ended.  Without a map, Toshi, Katsumi, and Princess Izumi probably wouldn’t have found it.

What a strange trio they made!  Despite being no older than him and all of them being shorter than he was, they all seemed to carry themselves with so much more confidence than he had ever had.  The barbarian girl Katsumi in particular seemed to walk through the world as though it had personally offended her and was moments away from feeling her wrath.  And yet, whenever Princess Izumi was involved, she seemed to soften for just a moment.   Already, he had seen her listen to the princess many times.

The green haired boy, Toshi, carried himself like a knight, taking the lead, and scanning ahead for trouble.  The sword on his back had to be heavy, but he carried it was though it was nothing, and though he seemed concerned about something (probably whatever they were running from), he also seemed to clearly believe that whatever happened, it would work out.  He seemed neither quite as high class as the princess, nor as rough as Katsumi.  His clothes were well-worn, but high-class, a contradiction if ever there was one.  It was rare to find a noble who understood the plight of the common folk, and yet Isamu was certain that he did.

Even the princess was surprising.  She was easily one of the most beautiful girls Isamu had ever seen.  Her reputation as the fairest in all the land was well earned.  But so to was her reputation for kindness.  She spoke to him as those he were an equal, even though he had to fight every instinct to avert his eyes rather than look upon her.  And yet there was something about her, a steel hidden within her silk, that told him she truly could have protected herself if it had come to it.  But what was she doing here?  The palace was many leagues away, in the center of the land.  Surely King Shoto and Queen Momo would not have allowed their daughter to travel so far, especially in such strange company.

“You must have questions,” Princess Izumi asked, walking beside him.  Toshi and Katsumi were in front, though Katsumi continued to look back to check on her and to glare at him.

“I, ah, yes,” Isamu said.  “None of you seem like the kind of people you would find around here.  And I didn’t think people did quests anymore…”

“Would that it were so,” the princess said, with a slight bow of her head.   “But there is always darkness in the land.  And right now, there is far more of it than there has been in many years.”

Isamu felt a cold chill go up his spine at her words.

“You know that my parents are the king and queen,” she said.  “Toshi’s father is my father’s most trusted friend and knight and his mother a mage of the court.  And Katsumi is the daughter of the chieftain of the barbarians who roam the kingdom’s outlands, through a mutual arrangement between their chieftain and my father.”

So he was indeed traveling with very important people, a commoner among nobles.  Of course, the tales said that the king’s most trusted knight had once been a commoner himself, raised to his current station by the sponsorship of a golden champion and by his own heroic deeds, but no one knew if those tales were true.

“Many years ago,” the princess continued, “our parents banded together with several others and drove back the greatest threat our land had ever seen.  A dark wizard had left behind a disciple called Shigarki.  It took all of them and many more besides to defeat him.  It brought about a new age of peace.

“But Shigarki left behind many tools and weapons of his war on peace.  We had thought them all destroyed, but someone has found what was left, foul monsters called the Nomu, and used them to wage war on peace all over again.  Already, the outlands have fallen, and many more lands besides.

“Before they took our kingdom, Toshi’s and my parents were able to spirit us out of the castle, with maps and the names of towns where it was said we might find weapons and allies to stop the threat.  We already found Toshi’s sword and Katsumi’s axe, but on our way, we were attacked, and lost the next maps we were to use.”

“That… that’s bad,” he said, feeling dumb that he had no better words.

“It is,” she agreed.  “But I have faith that we will succeed.”  She grew quiet.  “We must.”

Before them, Katsumi suddenly stopped and held up a hand.  Around them, it had grown darker.  Ahead of them, the path wound through dark woods, much more frightening now, somehow, than they had been when he had first walked this way. She sniffed the air deeply, then reached for her axe.   “Damnation,” she growled.  “They’ve found us.  Get ready for a fight.”

Toshi drew his sword.   “Isamu, we’ll hold them off as best we can.  But if it starts looking dangerous, I want you to take Izumi and run.”

He gulped.  “I… I can do that.”

“I will not flee,” Izumi said, producing a pair of small daggers from her belt.  She handed one to him, which he took with shaking hands.  He had never wielded a weapon before.

He heard it before he saw it.  The sound of something heavy coming from the woods, steps that made the ground shake.  And they were upon them, monstrous, twisted creatures, with dead skin, beaks, and their skulls open, exposing the brains within.

One of them let out a monstrous roar that he would remember for all of his days.

***

Without any fanfare, the creatures attacked.  Toshi met them first, swinging his sword in a wide arc, leaving a great gash in the skin of the nearest monster.  There was no blood and it did little to stop the creature, so he struck again and again, his sword flashing like lightning.

“DIE!” Katsumi yelled, adding her axe to Toshi’s sword strikes.  With a single blow, she beheaded the monster.  Oily black fluid went flying from the stump and the head landed several feet away, but the body continued to move and fight.

There were four of the monsters all together and the one Toshi and Katsumi were fighting was by far the biggest.  Two smaller ones broke past them to attack Isamu and the princess, while the last circled around to try and get at Katsumi and Toshi from behind.

It let out a growl and struck out.  In a panic, Isamu stabbed forth with his borrowed dagger.  It left a scratch along the creature’s skin, which then immediately burst into flames along the scratch.   Had he done that?   It must have been the power of the dagger.

Princess Izumi dodged out of the way of the other’s strike, stabbing her own dagger into its hand.  From the point where she had stabbed it, ice spread out, freezing the creature’s hand solid, so that when she wrenched her dagger free, it shattered.  It let out a monstrous howl, but struck again, forcing her to take steps back.

His own foe seemed no worse for wear for the flames that appeared every time he struck it with his dagger.   All he could do, it seemed, was hold it at bay.  Thankfully, he was fleet of foot and able to dodge its blows, but he knew he could not do it forever.  Unless something changed, he would likely tire long before the monster did.

“Oooh!”  Princess Izumi let out a cry as the creature struck out with its remaining hand, tearing through her cloak and knocking her to the ground.

“Princess!” he shouted, throwing himself in front of her.  He struck out, stabbing the creature in the eye.  As he pulled the dagger back, the creature’s head burst into flames.  It let out a great roar and when he looked upon its burning face, he saw not bone and muscle under its skin, but clockworks!

“How?” he asked.  “It’s… not alive?”

Princess Izumi got her feet, standing beside him.  “Yes and also no, I think.   The clockworks augment something that was never natural to begin with.   Foul magics indeed.”

The other one had regained its senses, even as it burned.  It struck out again and this time both of them stabbed it at once.  Their daggers struck home, and flames and ice both spread along its body.   The intense heat and cold must have proved too much for it or its clockworks, because it jerked to a stop, twitching as it collapsed.

“Are you all right?” the princess asked.  Worry marred her delicate features.

“I, ah, I, I guess?” he said.  “I never really did anything like that before.  Ever.”

“Battle is never easy,” she told him.  “Even less so your first time.  But you did well.  I am just sorry I did not have time to tell you about my daggers, and even more sorry to have dragged you into this.”

“I volunteered to help,” he said.  “And it’s definitely not your fault those things are after you all…”

Speaking of…

It looked like Toshi and Katsumi had finally subdued the one she had beheaded, chopping enough of its body to keep it from moving.  The other one was bigger and slower, but it wasn’t going down from any of their strikes.  Instead, it struck out again, knocking Toshi away and sending his sword clattering from his hands.  Its follow-up blow hit Katsumi hard and it pinned her to the ground.  She tried to reach out and grab her axe, but it was just too far away.

“Katsumi!” the princess screamed.  Isamu had to restrain her to keep her from rushing forward and attacking that monster.  “Let me go!  She needs help!”

“That thing will kill you!” Isamu said.  They had been lucky with the others.  That one had beaten Toshi and Katsumi…

“Don’t worry, Izumi,” the barbarian girl said, laughing in spite of the danger she was in.  “I got this.”

And then she began to change.

***

He couldn’t see it clearly, because the monster’s bulk was in the way, but Katsumi’s skin began to ripple and her features began to stretch and distort, as crimson scales spread across her body.  Hands and feet became claws, tearing through her furred boots.  She was growing too, becoming larger and larger, the force her of growth enough to throw the monster off her.  Leathery wings sprouted from her back and her face began to elongate.

In mere moments, there was no more Katsumi, barbarian girl.

There was, instead, a crimson dragon, big enough that a man might ride it, dwarfing the monster.  But the eyes of the dragon still seemed very human and very intelligent.  The monster roared a challenge and the dragon roared one right back.   Neither seemed cowed by the other.

But the dragon kept roaring and unleashed a powerful blast of flame.  It engulfed the monster, setting it on fire.  The heat was so intense it took the beast’s flesh off, exposing the iron and other clockworks underneath.  The dragon kept the attack up, even as the clockwork monstrosity struggled to step forward, until the heat melted it into a messy puddle.

By now, Toshi had recovered.  “Katsumi!” he shouted.  “I think it’s dead!”

One of the dragon’s eyes looked upon him, then back the mess that had once been the monster.  It stopped its fiery assault and Isamu would swear it was smirking.  Then, just as suddenly as it had happened before, the dragon began to change.

“You may wish to avert your eyes,” the princess told him.

It took him a moment’s thought to realize what she meant, but as he saw scales become skin, he hastily found somewhere else to look.

“In your pack, Toshi?” Princess Izumi asked.

“Ah, yes,” Toshi replied.  “Over there… somewhere.  I can’t look right now.”

“Allow me, then,” Princess Izumi said, walking past Isamu.

There were the sounds of hushed conversations for a moment, before the princess spoke again.  “You may turn around, gentlemen.  Thank you for your patience.”

When Isamu turned around, Katsumi seemed dressed the same as she had been, though her boots were new.   He must not have been able to keep the curiosity off of his face.

“Did you think you were missing seeing me naked?” Katsumi asked, sneering.  She laughed.  “You wish.  Most people just don’t like seeing me turn back.   I’m told it isn’t pretty.  Murder on my boots though.”  She retrieved her axe and gave it a few experimental swings, which seemed to satisfy her.

His mind reeled.  How had she done that?  It was rumored that one of the last dragons served the barbarian chieftain, but how would she have inherited such power?  He had already thought her to be dangerous, but now she seemed so much more so.

“Those monsters…” Isamu began.  

“The Nomu I spoke of,” the princess said.  “And where those travel, I fear there may be more.”

More?  But if they were already this close, then could they have made it…

Isamu ran.

***

Isamu did not know how long he ran for.  At a walk, they had still been two hours out from his village.  At a run, for someone was fleet of foot as he was, it took considerably less time.  His thoughts drifted to his traveling companions, to brave Toshi, frightening Katsumi, and Princess Izumi, who had surprised him with how well she had fought and taken care of herself.  He had not meant to leave them behind like that and he hoped that they had been able to follow.

But when he came upon his village of Narahuta, his heart sank and at last his knees gave out, dropping him to the ground.  The village was aflame, many of the structures already collapsed or charred nearly beyond recognition.   The baker’s shop.  The town hall.  The church.  The… the houses…

There were three of those monstrous Nomu tearing through what few structures remained, one long-limbed and more animal-like, prowling about on all fours, one large and muscular, like one of the creatures he and his companions had fought already, and one pale and winged, with flames dancing all along its body.  He quickly ducked out of sight, behind one of the buildings still standing, one of the storehouses, and hoped that they could not see him, or worse, smell him.

It was only then, with the sounds of flames and monsters and his own breath ringing through his ears that he realized what he was not hearing.   People.   There were no sounds of people, none at all.   No cries or screams or pain or fear, not one trying to mount some kind of defense, nothing.

The people of his village were farmers and merchants and craftsmen.  There were few, if any, weapons in the village.  They would have been helpless when these monsters attacked…

But he had seen no bodies either.   No corpses sliced to ribbons, no charred skeletons, nothing.  Whatever had happened, it was as though no one had ever lived her at all.

He ran again, this time towards his home, not caring if the monsters saw him or not.  When he arrived, his hopes were quickly dashed.   Where once there had been his home, there was only ash and scorched earth.   Of his parents, there was no sign.

But there, in the middle what remained of the floor of what had once been his home, was what was clearly a trapdoor.   Strange.  He didn’t remember seeing that before.   But hadn’t there always been a rug there?   Had his parents been hiding something?  He wouldn’t have thought it possible.  He thought of his dad as one of the most honest people in the whole world.

Carefully, he crept forward and opened the trapdoor, the wood not even singed and the metal cool.  He could tell now that was closer that a protective sigil, a closed fist with a knuckleduster, had been drawn on it.  That must have been expensive.   Wandering wizards were few and far between and quite costly.  What could his parents have possibly had that was worth protecting like that?

Inside, he found a pair of gauntlets, shining and metallic, while looking remarkably flexible.  There was something about them that instantly told him they were magical.  It just raised more and more questions.   His eyes fell on a roll of parchment, perfectly preserved, and nestled between them.  Carefully, he grabbed the parchment and unrolled it.

 Son,

 If you’re seeing this, then something bad’s happened.  I’d hoped to never have to show you these.  I’d hoped that, at least, I’d have been able to give you these myself.  But sometimes, what we hope for isn’t what happens.

 What I never told you was, once upon a time, I was known as the Crawler of the Woods.  I was never a knight or a squire or a rogue or anything like that, but I did a little bit of good and I helped people. It was thanks to these gauntlets that I was able to do it.  They’ll give you the power to fight whatever evil is out there again.  They won’t be as good as some of the magical stuff they give people up at the castle or in other reaches of the kingdom, but they did some good once.  And they can again.

 No matter what happens, know that I love you and I know you’ll make me proud.

 Dad

There was no time for tears now.  It was too much to think about.   He would probably have a good cry later, when there weren’t monsters about.  Carefully, once again, he reached out and grabbed the gauntlets.  They slipped onto his hands easily, not even needing any adjustment.  The fingers were surprisingly flexible and he could swear he could see a faint blue-white glow between the joints.

“Look out, you idiot!”  A harsh voice—he realized quickly it was Katsumi’s—split the air and he looked over his shoulder just in time to see one of the Nomu coming for him.

***

Isamu rolled just in time to see the Nomu swing its massive arm and hit the ground with a ferocious impact.  It was the big one he’d seen earlier.  Reflexively, he brought up a hand to try and shield his face should its attention turn on him again.  From the palm of the gauntlet, a beam of blue-white light shot out and struck the Nomu, burning a hole right through its skin.  He could see the gears underneath and saw that some had melted and ground to a stop.

It was not nearly enough to stop it.

But it was enough to get its attention.  The Nomu pivoted and raised its arms to strike again, letting out that terrible roar that he could feel in his bones.  Isamu saw his life flash before his eyes.

No!  He couldn’t die here!  He had to find out what had happened to his parents and the people of his village!  He had to find out why his father and now he had these gauntlets.  He had to live!

“C’mon,” he hissed.   “Do it again…”   He pointed both his hands and wished with all his might that they would fire again.   Once more, blue-white beams of light lanced out and pieced the Nomu’s body, knocking it back for a moment.   He realized that he’d maybe bought himself moments at best.

 SCHLICK!

There was a sickening sound, as an axe blade split the Nomu clean in half.  As the pieces fell to either side, he saw Katsumi standing behind it.  She had a feral grin on her face and, in his opinion, it took a far too long moment for the battle lust to leave her eyes.

“I guess I should thank you for distracting it,” she said.  “Where’d you get the new toys?”

“I...  I found them,” he said.  “They were buried under my house.”

“Your house?” she snapped.  And then she looked around, as though seeing the damage for the first time.  Her expression softened by several degrees and he remembered that something had happened to the barbarian outlands.  Were her parents…?   “I’m sorry.”

She shouldered her axe and offered him a hand up.  He took it and she hauled him to his feet roughly.  “Word of advice?” she said.  She didn’t wait for him to respond.  “Any fight you don’t end up dead from is a good one.”   She gave him a slap on the back that nearly knocked him over.

“C’mon,” she added.  “Toshi and Izumi were going after the other ones.”

“And you came to save me?” he asked.

“Figured there’d be a fight,” she said.  “Don’t let it go to your head.”

The sounds of battle filled the air.  Sword against flesh, the war cries of the Nomu…

Katsumi took off towards the sounds of the fight without even looking back.

***

They arrived just in time to see Toshi’s sword fell one of the Nomu, the one that had been like a giant dog.  There were burn marks and signs of freezing, where Princess Izumi’s daggers must have struck home.   Toshi held his sword tightly, eyes darting around for signs of any further danger.  Relaxing only slightly when he was Katsumi and Isamu arrive.

“You’re all right!” he called out.  “Thank goodness!  When you took off… and then when we saw the village…”   His voice trailed off, uncertainly.

“We feared the worst,” Princess Izumi finished.  She held a dagger in each hand, looking ready to use them again if the need arose.  Where had a princess learned to fight like that?

“Sorry about that,” Isamu said, feeling guilty for having left them behind.  Fear had overtaken his heart and now that shamed him.

“I can’t blame you,” Toshi said.  “I’d probably have done the same.”

“Is your family..?” the princess began.  “We haven’t seen anyone other than you.”

He shook his head sadly.  “Gone.  My home was burned to the ground.  And there were no people, anywhere.”   He held up his hands, showing off the gauntlets.  “But I did find these.”

“They’ve got some punch,” Katsumi replied.  “Probably enchanted.”

Princess Izumi and Toshi exchanged glances.  “Do you think…?” the princess asked.

“I do,” Toshi agreed with a nod.  “Isamu… I think those were what we were meant to find.  The maps said we might find a weapon and an ally here.”

Had it meant his father?  Was he known to heroes of the realm?  “I think you’re right,” he said.  “And you’re right… you did find an ally.”

He looked around.   “There’s nothing for me here now. “

“Place is just like everywhere else,” Katsumi said, bitterly.  “When those damn things came to the outlands, there wasn’t anything left.”

“Father believed the people were not killed, but taken,” the princess said, kindly, and he realized those words were both for him and for Katsumi.   “He thought there a very good chance they are still alive.”

“If not,” Katsumi growled, “then I’m not just going to kill whoever’s behind this.  I’m going to kill them double dead!”

Isamu took a slight step further away from the scary barbarian girl.   “I hope you’re right,” he said.  “But whatever happens, I need to see this through to the end.  That is, if you’ll have me.”

“Of course,” Toshi said.  “It’s said these weapons we find can only be used by the worthy.  Those gauntlets must have chosen you.  And I can tell already, you’ve got the heart of a hero.”

“I knew it from the moment you were able to unleash the power of my Dagger of Flame,” the princess said.   “The road before us is hard, but it will be better traveled in the company of friends.”

Isamu nodded, the future stretching out before him uncertainly.  He knew not what it held, just that it would hold challenges aplenty.  But something worried him in the back of his mind…

“Wait,” he said, “there was another Nomu, with wings.  Where did it…?”

As one, the four of them looked up.  In the sky, heading towards the far distant mountains, was the last Nomu.  Even assuming Katsumi could turn into a dragon again, there was no way they could catch it.

“It would be safe to say it’s returning to its foul master,” the princess said.  “Whoever they may be… they will know what transpired here today.”

That was not an encouraging thought.  But from the way his new companions had spoken earlier, it seemed there was little encouraging these days.

“Let them,” Katsumi said.  “Let them know we’re coming for them all.”

There was great evil out there.  But perhaps, in finding his father’s gauntlets, there was some measure of hope as well.

As for whether or not hope could turn back darkness…  That was a story for another day.

[let-it-raines]

Rising from the Ashes (18/21)

 When her husband died, Emma wasn’t sure that she could ever move on. He left her with a broken heart and a baby who was only three-months old. It’s enough to take most people down, to make them not want to keep going, but Emma Swan isn’t most people. She’s stronger than she has any right to be. And after years of heartache, she’s found ways to move on…one of those being in Neal’s best friend, Killian Jones. 

As she’s always known, however, things are more complicated than they ever seem to be.

Rating: Mature

A/N: shout out to @wellhellotragic for reading through these next few chapters to make sure they make sense and for being an all around good human being. So many stories come from her encouragement, so she deserves all the praise 🎉

Anybody ready to start finding out secrets? It’ll take a few chapters to get all of them, but you’ll get them!

Found on AO3: Beginning | Current

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Tag list: @ultraluckycatnd @jamif @artistic-writer @cs-forlife @qualitycoffeethings @resident-of-storybrooke @captainsjedi @captswanis4vr @teamhook @ekr032-blog-blog @mayquita @bmbbcs4evr@wellhellotragic @kmomof4 @jennjenn615 @onceuponaprincessworld @shady-swan-jones @snow-into-ash @andiirivera @mariakov81 @shireness-says @kristi555 @facesiousbutton82 @superchocovian @jonirobinson64 @thejollyroger-writer @tiganasummertree  @blowmiakisscolin @snowbellewells

-/-

“You’re right,” he sighs, his lashes landing against his cheeks when he closes his eyes and tilts his head toward the ceiling, trying to muster all of his courage to talk to Emma. He desperately needs it. “I’ve got some things to talk to you about.”

He hasn’t even truly said anything yet, but telling Emma that he needs to talk to her, letting her know that he’s been holding things back, it lifts a slight weight off of his shoulders, as if that helps. He’s heavy, his limbs weighed down by lead, and he’s so damn tired that sometimes he thinks his body might stop working completely, all of his vital organs shutting down until he’s just done.

It’s been one of the longest days of his life. The only ones that he remembers that are longer were days at sea when the sun never seemed to rise, everything shrouded in a heavy darkness that made the air feel denser and the breeze cooler, chilling him to his bones even under his thick jacket. Those are days he doesn’t want to remember, but they’re the ones etched at the front of his brain, mixed in with memories of a vibrant blonde with a laugh that sounds of music and a smile that would have brought light to those lightless days.

One outshines the other, always, but right now he’s not sure of anything except for the fact that he’s about to break down his family, and it’s the absolute last thing he wants to do. He’d rather hoard all of this away, keep it to himself and to David, but he set that ball in motion weeks ago, and it’s been a whirlwind ever since, everything tumbling and falling down much faster than he ever could have imagined. A part of him wishes that he could go back, that he could take it all back and have never started any of this, but at the end of the day, this is for the best.

Even if it’ll be for the worst first.

Bloody asshole. He’s a bloody asshole.

There’s no way he could have ever kept any of this to himself when Emma deserves so much more than to be lied to.

Again.

Rubbing his hand against his forehead, trying to work away the stress and the lack of sleep, he takes the last few steps to the living room and sits down on the loveseat across from Emma, still trying to muster the courage to look at her and look at the hurt in her eyes that he knows is his fault right now and that he’s only going to make worse.

He would give everything he has, every part of his being, to never have to hurt her or their children again.

He can’t believe he missed Henry’s soccer game today. That seems like such a small thing, but he made a promise that he broke.

“Where have you been?” she questions, curling herself into a small ball and pulling the blanket up over her shoulders, her bun bouncing on the top of her head. She looks like she’s settling down to watch a movie with Henry, not like she’s about to have this conversation that’s going to change their lives. “Were you – ”

“God no,” he finishes for her, not even letting her entertain the idea of him being unfaithful to her. He knows that’s where her head must have been all day even though she likely doesn’t truly think that. She must have been somewhere between him being an asshole, cheating on her, and being dead in a ditch on the side of the road. He’s not sure which thought he prefers. “I would never. I’m – I’m sorry about today. I’m sorry that I didn’t get a chance to call you and that I made you worry. I’m sorry that I missed Henry’s game. I know he must be so mad at me, and I will try to make it better with him, okay? I would never do anything to intentionally harm either of you.”

She nods her head, shuffling a bit more underneath the blanket, but her lips stay in a firm line. “But where were you?”

“I was with David.” Her brows furrow, and he takes a breath, centering himself and trying to keep all of his organs intact as he bites the bullet. Or, at least, tries to. “Emma, sweetheart, I’m going to tell you something that sounds absolutely insane, and I need you to listen to me, okay? I know that you’re mad at me, as you should be, but there’s good reason for it.”

“What are you talking about? And what do you mean you were with David? He was working today. That’s what Mary Margaret said. Oh God, are they having issues? Is that what this was?”

“No, no,” he promises, his heart breaking a little at her thinking that her brother was having issues in his marriage. “They’re fine. David really was working, and I was with him.”

“Why?”

“I’m trying to get there, love. I am. It’s simply hard, and I don’t know how to tell you.”

“Just tell me, okay? We’re not supposed to lie to each other, yeah? We’re a team. That’s what we say. We’re on the same team.”

His eyes slam shut to hold back tears, her words already too much for him when he has been lying to her after saying he wouldn’t, after working so damn hard for their relationship to get back to this point. She’s been hurt so badly in the past, and nearly every day that he’s been with her he has tried to make sure that he wouldn’t hurt her the same way. He’s not perfect. He’s screwed up many times, but she deserves so much more than the circumstances of her past.

Than the circumstances of her present too.

“I’ve been lying to you,” he whispers, too cowardly to open his eyes to see her face. “I didn’t want to, but I couldn’t say anything until I knew for sure. I’ve – Emma, I’ve been losing my mind since February thinking that I’m crazy and delusional and that my mind has run wild on one too many theories.”

“Killian, what the hell are you talking about?”

“Neal is a fucking liar,” he blurts out, the words tumbling off his tongue without hesitation as one weight is lifted off of his shoulder while another is pressed down, crushing him further into the ground. With everything he says he feels momentarily lighter before feeling heavier once more. “His past, Emma, the missing years, they’re all lies.”

He opens his eyes and watches her process his words, watches the lines on her forehead appear, watches the gaping mouth, watches her eyes twitch as she looks around the room at anything but him. And if he could see under her blanket, he’d know that she’s tapping her fingers against her leg on the couch cushions.

“What do you mean? They’re not lies. He was captured. He disappeared. I know this. You know this. It’s been drilled into our heads over and over again through every news channel and every briefing we got before he came back. He was captured and tortured and has been through hell, and it took eight years for someone to find him and bring him home.”

“It’s not…Emma, I know that’s what we’ve thought. Why wouldn’t we? It has been our truth and our driving force to what has kept us sane, but it’s not true. I – ” he hesitates, reaching up to run his hand through his hair, fingers harshly tugging at the strands as his stomach twists inside of him, nausea beginning to take over like it’s been threatening to since David called him while he was in the middle of the supermarket this morning and asked him if he could meet him at the precinct as soon as possible because a federal agent wanted to talk to him. It was the last thing he expected when he went to David weeks again. He doesn’t know exactly what he expected. All he knows is that it wasn’t really this, and nothing was supposed to happen this quickly.

Really, all he wanted was for David to tell him that he was crazy and that nothing was wrong with Neal.

He left the cart of groceries in the middle of the frozen food aisle.

“Do you remember when you took Ada to her nine-month check-up? How I took Henry to therapy that day and gave Neal a ride as well?” She nods in response, and he continues. “When I was in the lobby after dropping Henry off, I saw Neal get into a random car despite the fact that he was supposed to be in therapy. At first, I thought maybe it was nothing. He’s a grown man. He can make his own choices, and maybe he didn’t want to go to therapy anymore but simply hadn’t found a way to tell us. But then I got a little paranoid, and I just had this feeling in my gut that something wasn’t right, that all of these little things about Neal since he came home weren’t adding up.”

“He got into a car? That’s not…that’s weird, but I don’t understand why that’s a big deal.”

“There was a possibility that it wasn’t, love. It could have been nothing, but it wasn’t. Neal has hidden a lot from us, and I had been letting go of all of the little inconsistencies up until that point. But then I started to piece them together, started to do a map of things like when I’m at work, and after that man came up to us at the zoo in DC and thought he knew Neal, I broke down and had to tell someone all of my thoughts and how I was going crazy.”

Emma’s lips part, and he knows that he’s losing her. She thinks that he’s insane, that he’s lost it, and she deserves to think that right now. She does. He thought the same thing. He simply hopes that by the time he finishes explaining, carefully working his way through this so that she can best understand, have her hear it from him instead of some federal agent like she’s going to have to in the next few days when she’s also pulled in for questioning.

Tears continue to sting behind his eyes as he thinks of all Emma is about to go through and all their son is about to go through as well and for the rest of his life. All he wants is to take the woman he loves and the children he has with her to a quiet house on the coast, the ocean in their view, and hold them to keep them away from the situation they’ve found themselves in.

“Who did you tell?”

“David.”

“Why didn’t you…what did you tell him?”

“I asked him if he could help me or if I really needed to get my shit together and stop hyper-fixating on something that was nothing. But he agreed. He thought something about Neal was suspicious too, that he knew a little too much of what had happened in the past eight years, that he was acting strangely, and agreed to try to look into it for me as a favor.”

“What the fuck?” Emma groans, tossing her blanket to the side and standing up from the couch, pulling her leggings up and tugging her t-shirt down. “Killian, seriously. What the fuck are you on about saying Neal is suspicious and that he wasn’t really captured the entire time? Of course he was. And yes, I know that he does shady things and that he can be a shitty person, but that doesn’t mean any of it is suspicious. I mean, seriously. He’s just a douche sometimes. Did you know that he tried to get Henry off of calling you his daddy because he doesn’t like that I’m with you and not him all of the sudden? I mean, what kind of jackass move is that when he’s been so good about things?”

His stomach twists again, the nausea settling itself down, and he feels anger flicker across his skin, goosebumps rising across each centimeter of flesh. He didn’t even think that it was possible for him to feel more.

“He did what now?”

Emma groans and presses the heels of her hands into her eyes, rubbing them a bit as she paces back and forth in front of the fireplace.

“Today has been awful, babe. Just awful. Henry couldn’t find his shin guards, and we were running late to his game. And while we’re looking, Ada decides to melt down. Like screaming and crying and yelling so loudly that my ears wanted to burst. So obviously this upset Henry and I said something…I don’t even remember, but I said something about texting you and asking if you were on your way home to help. And he just yells at me that you’re not his daddy, that you’re his step dad which I think broke my heart until a million little pieces which only got worse when you didn’t show up to his game and when you didn’t answer my calls. I – ”

Emma stops her rant to straighten her shoulders, her chest visibly moving with her breath as she wipes at the tears under her cheeks. He has no idea what’s happening, no idea what kind of mess he’s wandered into on top of the one he’s created. All he knows is that he has to brave this storm until it’s over.

“- I haven’t felt that alone in months,” she finally continues, pacing again, and he knows exactly when she last felt that alone. “Our kid needed you today. I swear there is nothing he loves more than having you cheer for him at those games. But you weren’t there, and you didn’t bother to let me know where you were. That hurts, Killian. You can’t lie to me because I have to be able to trust you. I have to be able to trust that one day you’re not going to turn on me and decide that I am not enough or decide that our kids are not enough. I need to be able to…I can’t have you treat me like Neal did, like he still does sometimes. You’re my best friend who I rely on for everything, and I don’t know how to reconcile whatever it is you’re trying to tell me with my real life when I’m still reeling from the emotional whiplash of my day. It’s two in the fucking morning.”

He can’t help himself when he stands, stepping around the coffee table so that he can pull Emma into his arms despite the fact that she’s got her arms crossed over her chest and isn’t returning his embrace. She’s pissed at him. It’s understandable. She should be. He should have been here today. He should have called. He should have done something to let her know that he was okay and that he wouldn’t be home so that maybe she wouldn’t have felt so alone. There’s so much to unpack with what she’s saying, complications that he never saw arising when he prepared himself for this conversation. They’re tired and emotional, and they still have so much more to talk about. He still hasn’t been able to tell Emma the real, whole truth.

He's barely touched the surface, and he’s terrified.

“You, Emma Swan,” he starts, rubbing his hands up and down her back in soothing circles as she hiccups into his shoulder, “will always be enough. Not just for me but for everyone and hopefully, if you believe it, for yourself. I will never want to leave you or our children. I cannot express enough how the three of you are my world. I screwed up today, screwed up these last few months, but I promise I had the right intentions behind it. I simply need you to listen, and if you want to kick me out of the house afterwards, you can. But I promise every word out of my mouth is the truth. Use your superpower. Use your trust in me.”

She nods and wraps her arms around his waist, squeezing tightly enough that he can feel his breath escape him.

“So tell me.”

And he does.

They both make their way into the kitchen and start a cup of coffee, the two of them knowing that it’s going to be a long night without much sleep, if they get any sleep at all. Whether she believes him or not they still have things to talk about, and it’s all happening whether they like it or not.

He hates it.

So over a cup of coffee he tells Emma all about how David started poking around and using his resources as a detective to figure out all of the inconsistencies that Neal has shown since he got back. Emma still looks distraught, confused even, and he wonders just how much all of her muddled feelings for Neal are causing her to be resistant and in denial. He understands. The same thing happened to him.

The same thing is still kind of happening to him.

David couldn’t find out much, especially since it wasn’t a case he was assigned to and most of the things Killian had mentioned were circumstantial that honestly couldn’t be looked into, but he did manage to track down traces of a Neal Gold in London between two thousand and twelve and last year. It wasn’t much, just a few trails on Facebook, but there were photographs online of a Neal Gold being pictured at the Three Kings Pub after a United game, just like Kyle Thomasson had said. Kyle ended up being the key in it all, oddly enough, and Killian still can’t decide if running into him at the zoo in DC was a blessing or a curse. To him, it seems like something akin to fate, and he’s not quite sure if he believes in that.

Kyle was in university three years ago and active on Instagram, seemingly documenting everything with his mates. He had several pictures of all of them in the pub wearing Manchester United jerseys, and in one picture timestamped March tenth, two thousand and sixteen, Neal was in the background sitting at a bar counter staring almost directly at the camera.

Decidedly not a prisoner of war in Iraq.

David said he’d nearly fallen out of his chair at work, the wheels rolling underneath him, and he’d had to catch himself on his desk as he stared at the picture for nearly an hour before shaking his head and realizing that Killian was right, that something wasn’t adding up.

That Neal wasn’t adding up.

David hadn’t really been sure what to do with that information, had mulled over it for a few days when fate seemed to knock on his door in the form of FBI Agent Graham Humbert. Apparently, every prisoner of war, especially those who were captured for an extended period time and then released, are monitored when they come home. There have been incidents in the past of men and women who come home seemingly normal and then end up in terroristic plots. It’s all very secretive and hush hush, but it happens for select veterans.

Neal has been one of those.

The FBI and the CIA have been keeping tabs on him since the day he came back.

Fucking insane. It’s all insane.

“They’ve been watching us?” Emma asks quietly, wiping away some of the sleep in her eyes as she comes back to herself a bit, some color returning to her cheeks. Good. he feels a little less nauseous too.

“Aye. Mostly Neal, but also us.”

“That’s all very big brother-ish. Is that even legal?”

He shrugs. “Apparently so.”

“I still don’t…I don’t understand. Are you saying that Neal is a terrorist? That he was turned against the country?”

“No, no, love,” he assures her, tapping his fingers against the table, even if that’s only true in the most technical sense. “But he isn’t – Neal isn’t – he isn’t…Neal has been living in London with his father for most of the past decade.”

“Neal’s dad is dead.”

“He’s not,” Killian sighs. He was shocked by the information too. Emma must be even more so since he knows that being orphans is something Emma and Neal once bonded over. It’s something the two of them have bonded over themselves. “Neal’s father is Robert Gold. That’s Neal’s real name. It’s Gold, but he changed it to Cassidy about twenty years ago.”

“None of this is making any sense.”

“I know,” he promises as he reaches across the table and places his hand over hers, wishing he could work away the worry lines on her forehead. “It will, though. I promise. You just have to trust me.”

“I do.”

Thank the heavens.

So he tells her that Neal’s mother is actually dead and really had been from Boston. That part is true, but his father is a businessman in London who owns an engineering firm. The thing is that within the engineering firm is what is suspected to be an illegal weapons manufacturer. Interpol and Scotland Yard have been surveying it for years, but they’ve never been able to find any proof that the weapons were stemming from the business. It’s all been well covered to the point that they nearly gave up, but then several shipments of illegal weapons started popping up in America in October of last year.

And Neal Gold isn’t quite as good at covering his tracks as his father is.

“I don’t understand,” Emma murmurs under her breath, picking her legs up and settling them in her chair.

“He’s been illegally selling weapons to criminals, Swan, and he’s been caught. Almost.”

“No, no. It’s…” She takes a sip of her coffee and lingers with it on her lips before placing it on the table and rubbing her fingers between her brows to work out the lines. “I understand that bat shit crazy thing. I still feel like I’m having a fever dream and you’re going to kiss me and I’ll wake up in bed and none of this will be real, but I don’t understand…I’m missing the connection between him being deployed, somehow escaping captivity from terrorists, and then going to work for his apparently alive father who is some kind of criminal mastermind. And then coming back here to us. Like, that doesn’t make any sense, and I’m not entirely sure that I don’t need to have you admitted to a mental institution.”

“I’m not crazy, sweetheart.”

“Her eyes roll. What you’re saying is.”

“I know,” he sighs, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath before looking at Emma. He’s only had a few hours to truly process this even when he’s had suspicions for weeks, and he’s still in disbelief. Mostly he’s angry, angry enough to want to punch the bastard hard enough to knock all of his teeth out and break his nose, but that has nothing to do with how he’s been aiding in violence across the world for money and everything to do with the fact that Killian knows that Neal left Emma and could have come back home.

But he didn’t.

He didn’t come home for years, and he could have.

He abandoned his wife and his son, and Killian has never felt more hatred coursing through his blood than he has at that thought.

“Emma, my love, we don’t know all of the details yet. Agent Humbert and his associates, they won’t tell us everything because we’re civilians. We don’t have that kind of clearance, but they’re involving us because they think we might be able to give them information on what Neal has been doing since he came home or that maybe we can tell them more on why he came home.”

“He came home because he was rescued. That’s what happened. He couldn’t have been living in London all of those years. He couldn’t have because if he has been, that would mean…oh God, that would mean…h-he left me,” she sobs, hand going over her mouth as he entire body shakes, large tear droplets falling down her cheeks in a steady stream that he thinks may stain her skin forever. “He left us.”

-/-

-/-

He watches her walk down the stairs, his eyes scanning up from the black stilettos and dark tights to the gray and white plaid skirt with a fitted black turtle neck tucked in, the sweater fitting all of her curves. It’s not at all what he was expecting her to wear tonight, especially since he saw this sinful red dress hanging in their closet last night. If he’s honest, he was looking forward to that knowing the way that it hugs Emma’s curves, but he’s not idiotic enough to not appreciate the way his girlfriend looks right now. They spend most of their time together in joggers and t-shirts, usually with a mysterious stain from something Henry did despite the fact that he’s six years old and should only be staining his own clothes.

“Hot damn, woman,” he whistles, stepping forward to grab her hand so that he can help her down the rest of the staircase. She smiles in return, a little blush coating the apples of her cheeks. “I do believe I’m the luckiest man in all of Maine.”

“I’d think so,” Emma laughs, finally stepping down on the wooden floor and releasing his hand. “I mean, there’s no way you could do better than me, Jones.”

“And yet you say I’m cocky.”

“You are.” She looks up at him and raises her brows, the corners of her red-painted lips curving up even more. “But you don’t get to have that term all to yourself. You have to share.”

“I’ve never been very good at that.”

“That’s a lie.”

“Is it?”

“Definitely.” She reaches forward and places her hand on his chest, her fingers tapping against his shirt. “So I had this red dress – ”

“I saw.”

“Did you now?”

He raises a brow and hums in response, placing his hands on her hips and tugging her a little closer. “I did, and though I told myself not to be stupid enough to ask, I figured since you brought it up – ”

“ – that you could ask why I’m not wearing it for our date?”

“Yep.”

“Well, it’s a funny story,” she starts, her hands snaking up his chest until they land on his shoulders, fingers curling into the cotton of his dress shirt. “You see, I woke up with this awfully large bruise right in the center of my chest because it seems that someone got a little overenthusiastic last night. Some would say possessive, but that’s not true because he wouldn’t be dumb enough to try to mark me.”

He has to hold in his laugh as the tips of his ears heat, most likely going red, and he waggles his brows. “I did say I wasn’t very good at sharing.”

“Asshole. You – ”

“Momma,” Henry interrupts, somehow stepping between them despite their proximity to each other, “I don’t feel good.”

“What’s wrong, kid?” Emma soothes, stepping back and reaching down to move Henry’s hair off of his forehead. He’s weird about people touching his hair, but he always lets Emma do it.

“My tummy hurts.”

Her eyes glance toward him for a moment, brows furrowed together, and he watches Emma flip her hand around and press the back of her it to Henry’s forehead. “You’re burning up. How long have you felt bad?”

He shrugs his shoulders. “I don’t know.”

“Okay, okay,” Emma sighs. “Let’s get your temperature taken and then get some medicine in you. Babe – ”

“You want to stay home with him?”

“Yeah. I just…don’t call David and Mary Margaret to cancel just yet, but he’s really warm. I don’t want him to get Leo sick or for them to have to deal with a sick kid. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” he promises, stepping to the side so that he can move into the kitchen with them following him. He opens the cabinet where they keep the medicine and pulls out the thermometer and a bottle of ibuprofen before stopping to think. “Lad, do you want the medicine that you drink or that you chew?”

“What flavor is it?”

“Both are bubblegum.”

“The kind I drink.”

He nods his head and puts back the chewable to grab the liquid while handing Emma the thermometer so she can take Henry’s temperature. Both times it comes back just over one hundred degrees. It’s not the worst temperature in the world, but it is a temperature above normal. Besides, Emma has already made up her mind that they’re staying home tonight, so while she toes out of her heels and gets Henry medicated and changed into his pajamas, he calls David and Mary Margaret and tells them the change of plans, insisting to Mary Margaret that it’s fine, that they’ll have date night another day when Henry isn’t feeling under the weather.

After he’s finished all of that, he grabs two water bottles out of the fridge and moves to the living room, settling down next to Henry on the couch as Emma puts on the movie Robots. It’s a bit older, but Henry is absolutely obsessed with it. Killian believes that they’ve watched it at least five times in two weeks, and a part of him wonders when that phase is going to be outgrown.

“Why does he say making the baby robot is the fun part?” Henry innocently ponders, looking up at him with those big brown eyes that he swears could melt the ice caps. “It didn’t look very fun.”

He nearly chokes on his own lung, the adult joke in the movie going over Henry’s head even if he still asked about the joke. It’s times like these where being a dad is both mortifying and hysterical.

“People like different things, lad, and they happened to like making their baby robot. It was fun for them, so that’s what matters.”

“That’s weird.”

“One day you won’t think so.”

Emma reaches over and slaps his shoulder, but he doesn’t care as he laughs to himself and keeps watching the movie, answering all of Henry’s questions along the way. The finish Robots and start the Lion King, which Killian has seen infinitely more times than any other movie they own, but even after Henry has fallen asleep with his head resting on Emma’s chest, they keep watching in silence until he hears a small sniffle beside him.

Twisting his head, he looks at Emma to see her wiping at her eyes, and he’s just about to tease her for crying at a movie she can (and has) recite when he realizes that her tears are not simply tears from watching the movie, the sobbing far too intense.

“Hey, hey,” he whispers, his heart constricting a bit as he watches Emma’s eyes fill with tears, “come here, love.” She nods her head before gently getting up from the couch so as not to disturb Henry and slowly settles down on his lap, crossing her legs over each other and resting her head on his shoulder as her arms become a heavy presence on his waist. He’s not exactly sure what’s happening right now, so he simply wraps the arm that’s not around Henry around Emma and rubs up and down her back. “What’s wrong, Swan? Tell me what’s wrong.”

“I get nervous when Henry gets sick. I don’t – I can’t explain it. I mean, this obviously isn’t the first time he’s been sick or the worst of it, and it’s certainly not the worst you’ve seen but I – ”

“ – you get nervous,” he finishes for her when she stops talking, pressing a kiss into her hair. “Sweetheart, I understand. I don’t like when he’s sick either, but he’s going to be just fine. It’s simply a little cold.”

“I know, I know,” she sniffles, her voice barely audible with her mouth pressed into his shoulder. He can feel the vibrations of her voice more than he can hear her, and it’s likely a good thing with Henry right next to them snoozing away. “It doesn’t make any sense, but I’m so scared of something happening. He is my baby, and for a long time, he was all I had. It was me and Henry against the world, and I would do absolutely anything to protect him from the world. I don’t know – I…it’s the anniversary of Neal being deployed soon. I don’t have a death date for him, so I’ve always gone with when he was deployed, and that’s tomorrow.”

“I didn’t even realize.”

“That’s because I never told you that was the day I remembered it.”

“Why not? You know that I understand, that I miss him too.”

“Yeah, but…he was my husband, and I loved him. I know that he wasn’t perfect, but I did love him. He made me happy a lot of the time. He gave me – I have Henry because of him. It’s been six years, and sometimes it feels like I just lost him yesterday.”

He gulps back his sigh, gulps back a lot of his words. Talking about Neal can either be the easiest thing in the world or the most difficult. Some days he and Emma share lighthearted stories, but other days she grieves him like she’s doing right now. She grieves his death, grieves him missing Henry’s life, grieves him missing her life.  Emma is hands down the strongest person he knows. He’s been through shit in his life, seen friends and family die, has had his heart broken, but he’s never been left with a newborn and told that his spouse died. He’s never…he lost a friend. He didn’t lose someone who was supposed to be his lifelong confidant.

But he can imagine. If he ever lost Emma, he doesn’t think he’d be able to move on. He wouldn’t want to. He’d never love again if he lost her. He’s young. He has a long life ahead of him, but if he lost Emma, he would never recover from that. He’d do it for Henry, be there to raise him and to be there for him, but the loss of Emma would destroy him.

No part of him is as strong as Emma is, so when he sees her break down like this, it breaks him. He wants to be strong for her, though. She makes him stronger, and he can find the words to help her through tonight and every other night where she’s scared and possibly even a little lonely missing Neal.

“Time doesn’t heal all wounds,” he promises, holding her a little closer as he remembers his mother’s death. “It certainly helps, but it doesn’t heal them. It doesn’t matter that it’s been six years. It doesn’t matter that Henry is older. It doesn’t matter that we’re together. You’re hurting Emma, and you should never feel ashamed by that.”

“I do, though,” she sobs, the tears getting loud enough that he encourages her to wrap her arms around his neck so that he can stand from the couch, lifting her in his arms to carry her out of the room. He’ll come back and get Henry later. She usually doesn’t let him do this outside of in a passionate embrace, but sometimes in moments like this she allows herself some weakness that is truly strength.

“You’re fine,” he promises as he sits them down on the bed upstairs, letting Emma cry into his shoulder. He already knows that she’s going to be embarrassed later, that she won’t want to talk about it again, but she shouldn’t feel that way. She usually doesn’t, but it’s always this way when she’s missing Neal. “You’re fine, my love. You can miss him all you want. I want you to miss him. He loved you so much, Emma. Probably more than anything in the world, and he didn’t leave you because he wanted to. He was doing a very honorable thing, and he would be so proud of the woman and the mom that you are. Oh, he would be so proud of you.”

She nods her head, her entire body shaking as she curls herself further into him. She’s still got on her outfit she was going to wear on their date tonight, but the difference between three hours ago and now might as well be the difference between the moon and the sun. Of all the twists and turns that tonight has taken, this is the last one he expected.

“I love you,” he continues, pressing the words against her forehead and nudging her back so that he can make an attempt to wipe away the tears, the black mascara likely making it too difficult as she blinks up at him, “and I will always, always be by your side.”

Her bottom lip quivers a little bit as she wipes at her own tears and the snot that’s beginning to run. “I love you too. God, I’m such a mess. I just spiraled out of control there, didn’t I?”

And there’s that Emma deflection, even if this isn’t the worst one he’s ever heard.

“No, it was totally understandable. You had a bad night. Your son is sick, and you had to cancel a date with the most handsome man in the world. I think I’d cry too.”

She snickers, her lips almost forming a smile, before she reaches down and pulls the cover up over her shoulder and his lap. “You’re such a ridiculous flirt.”

“I simply wanted to see you smile. It seems like you needed it.”

“I did. I don’t – will you sit with me for a little while longer? I think I’m going to have a few more breakdowns before I’m finished.”

“Of course. Though I do think that I already used up all of my good words of advice.”

“They were very good words.”

“I know. I should be a motivational speaker.”

Emma leans a little closer to him and presses a kiss onto the underside of his jaw. “I love you. Thank you for falling in love with the crazy lady who has far too many issues. I’m sorry that I – ”

“Emma, I never want you to be sorry for any part of your past,” he tells her as he brushes her hair behind her ear, feeling her soft skin underneath his fingertips. “You should never apologize for having loved someone who made you happy.”

-/-

-/-

“How could he have l-left me? How could he h-h-have left H-henry? I…I – ” Her words stop when her cries become too much, and even as tears sting behind his own eyes and he watches as Emma’s world burns down in front of his eyes, watches as every truth she’s ever known turns out to be a lie, he cannot sit here and not hold her. He cannot let her think that his love for her has ever been a lie because it never has been and never will be.

“Emma,” he whispers, pushing back his chair and ignoring the harsh scrape of it against the wood while he squats down in front of her, placing his left hand on her shaking arm and rubbing up and down while his right hand rests on her knee in an attempt to coax her into looking at him. “Emma, darling, why don’t we go sit down somewhere more comfortable, okay? Let’s go upstairs to our room, yeah?”

She nods her head up and down while he listens to the heartbreaking sounds of her sobs. He feels sick to his stomach, especially since all of this is so far from over, but right now his only concern is to make sure that Emma is as okay as she can possibly be. He stands from the ground with aching knees and holds his hand out to her to take. She does, her entire body still shaking, and to see this woman who embodies strength be but a shell of herself as they slowly walk up the stairs, the wood creaking underneath their steps, is by far the worst thing he’s ever seen.

This is one of Emma’s worst nightmares coming to life.

Emma gets into bed first, not bothering to pull to covers down to get under them, and without even bothering to take his shoes off, he tentatively crawls into bed after her, aligning the front of his body with the back of hers and wrapping his left arm over the curve of her waist and his right under the pillow that’s supporting her head. He has no idea if Emma wants his comfort, and he fully experts her to reject him until she gently takes his hand and holds onto it, pulling it up to rest between her breasts so that he can feel the erratic beating of her heart that does not match up with the coolness of her skin.

They sit in silence for so long that he loses track of time, loses track of what he’s supposed to be saying and what he’s supposed to be doing. The only sounds he can focus on are the occasional sniffle from Emma, the ceiling fan rotating above him, and the sound of his own heart thumping so loudly that practically all of his thoughts have been forcefully removed from his mind. He can’t think. He can’t breathe. He can’t…all he can do is hold Emma and try to prepare himself for the fact that this is so far from over that it’s barely even begun.

Of all of the awful things that he knows that Neal has done now, he wonders just how that man could have ever let this woman and Henry go. They are just…they’re wonderful, and they bring him so much joy. He thought they brought Neal joy long ago, and he thought that they did now. Neal loves Henry. There’s somehow no doubt in his mind about that.

Neal loves his son.

So why did he do any of this?

Why, once he was released from captivity and able to live in freedom because his father sells weapons to Al-Qaeda and brokered a deal with terrorists, did Neal decide to work for his father? The father who he most likely hated enough to cut ties from and change his name decades ago. Why would helping a man aid in creating violence and destruction in the world be something that Neal wanted when Neal had been serving and protecting his country for good for a decade?

Why would he want that when the scars on his back are real?

Why wouldn’t he want to come home to his family?

Would he really have stayed in England for money and for the ability to start again with a new life where he wasn’t attached to two people?

And if so, why come back?

Killian still has so many questions swirling around in his mind, each one garnering another, and he wants answers to every single one of them. He wants answers, and he very much doubts he’ll ever get them.

Mostly, though, he wants answers for Emma. She’s lived her entire life never knowing why her birth parents adopted her. She lived for nearly eight years wondering what exactly happened to Neal. She can’t get answers to one, but she can to the other.

Hopefully.

Neal doesn’t have to own up to anything that there’s no proof of, but since it’s happening, he might as well. He’s not an evil man. Killian is convinced that he’s not, that there is good in his heart, and if it’ll help Emma move on and help Henry move on when he’s older and realizes everything that he’s about to go through.

“Why is all of this happening to us?” she whispers what seems like hours later, her voice so quiet that he almost believes that he’s fallen asleep and dreamed of her speaking. But then she twists a bit in the bed, presses herself further into his body and tucks her bare feet between his calves so that they’re nearly completely intertwined. It comforts him that she feels safe in his arms when she knows that he’s broken promises to her too.

Not all promises can be kept, but no one realizes that until the broken pieces are laid out in front of them with few, if any, ways to put them back together.

“I don’t know,” he whispers back, pressing his lips into the skin at her shoulder and burying his nose there so that he’s enveloped by her.

“I just don’t understand.” Her voice is cold, almost no emotion behind it, and he thinks that scares him more than the hysterical sobs earlier. Emma is not emotionless, even when she tries to be. “I’m no one. I’m a mom and a high school guidance counselor in Maine. I’m not someone who gets wrapped up in international arm trafficking or whose ex-husband is apparently a criminal who faked his fucking death to get away from me.”

“You are not no one,” he reassures her, speaking the words just below the shell of her ear. “You have never been no one, and I need you to understand that none of this is on you, okay?”

“It’s not on you either.”

“Love – ”

“It’s not,” she insists, her voice a little louder this time. “Killian, how long have you been killing yourself hiding this from me? Why wouldn’t you tell me?”

“Emma, you barely believed me tonight, and you don’t even know everything yet. What would it have been like if I’d come to you when I knew nothing and all I had were the wild theories in my mind? I have hurt you so much when you’ve trusted me to be the one to hold your heart, and I could not unnecessarily hurt you again. Sins can be forgiven when someone loves you, but that only goes so far.”

Emma twists around on the mattress, quietly turning herself until her nose brushes his, the tip of it cool again his skin, and until her hand rests on his cheek and his on her hip, their bodies still intertwined.

“There is nothing to be forgiven.”

He closes his eyes and clenches his teeth together, swallowing all of the words of protest that he wants to say. “You are too good for me.”

“I see the best in you,” she whispers though her voice sounds as sure as ever as her palm runs across his skin so that he opens his eyes. “I love you with my entire heart, even if I feel utterly broken right now. What do you always tell me? If it can be broken, it still works, right? And you cannot…you were simply trying to protect our family. That’s what you’re always doing to the point of you hurting yourself, and I don’t want that. I want you to trust me, to come to me, and we’ll work through things together. We don’t need to do it separately.”

The sincerity in her eyes doesn’t surprise him, but the lack of water does. They’re still red rimmed, puffy, and she looks much older than her years, but amidst all of that is a vibrant green that could bring light into the darkness and guide any sailor lost in the depths of the ocean home.

They did for him.

“I love you, my darling,” he sighs, pressing a bit closer so that his lips brush against hers. “Do you think you can go to sleep?”

“No.”

“I still have…there’s still more to talk about, love. I have things I haven’t told you yet. David and Detective Humbert want us to meet them at the station tomorrow. They want to bring you up to speed so that we can help them.”

“I know.” She nods her head up and down against the pillow before her lips press into his in the slowest, most languid kiss he’s felt in the entirety of his life. No part of it is hurried or passionate or desperate. It is a simple press of lips against lips, soft skin mixing with an untrimmed beard, and before it ends, he feels salt against his lips that he is not sure if it stemmed from Emma’s eyes or his own. “I can’t turn my mind off right now, but I don’t think I can handle anymore tonight. I simply want you to hold me for a little while.”

They can deal with everything in the morning light where the depths of darkness cannot reach them as easily as it can now.

[alovelylight]

(P/O) love is a wild thing

AO3

When Oliver sees Percy again, he is standing in front of the Woods’ cottage, legs plastered together in the most awkward stance Oliver has ever seen. From the side view, his fiery curls have grown longer and darker, but his freckles are mapped in the exact same places Oliver remembers.

“Percy?” he asks, careful not to stutter. Percy gives a slight jump at his voice.

“Oliver!” he says, turning towards him with a nervous smile. “I thought I would drop by to say hello—so, hello.”

Olivia tries hard not to stare at him. It’s unfair, really, how feelings can come rushing back at the slightest peek of him. George has warned him that Percy would return home from Oxford for two weeks, and since then he has been bracing himself against the inevitable.

“Well, hello,” says Oliver. It’s a deliberate choice not to pull him into a hug right away (which is what he would’ve done if he knows how to treat Percy as any other friend). “Do you want to come in?” It seems rude not to ask, especially when Percy took it in himself to come over.

“I don’t want to intrude...”

“Perce, we’ve known each other since we were four.”

Once they’re situated in the kitchen, there is more ease between them. Percy rambles on about his classes while Oliver prepares the tea, plain Earl Grey and peppermint, just the way it’s always been.

University has brought Percy even more out of his shell; he is surrounded by people—worldly and clever people—who loves to debate laws and regulations and abstract schools of thought as much as he does. Oliver is saddened by the thought that he no longer needs him, but sitting close to him and listening to him talk (even if he doesn’t always pay attention; Percy’s lips are always a lovely distraction) brings back fond memories.

“What about you?”

Oliver blinks. “Me?”

“Yeah,” he blushes, obviously embarrassed now. “What have you been up to?”

“Working at my dad’s auto repair shop. Keeps me busy. Other than that, I’ve been reading and, uh, writing a little.” He doesn’t mention the obvious: he has suffered from a broken leg right before he was supposed to embark on a rugby scholarship to Loughborough. Though he was forced to stay at home while his mates went off to various corners of Britain, he’s been gaining most of his mobility back over the past five months. Enough to get him off the crutches.

“Good for you.” Oliver searches for any hints of sarcasm in Percy’s tone, but he is beaming at Oliver as if he’s truly proud. As if his reckless injury never happened. “What have you been writing?”

“Nothing much to show, really,” he shrugs. “Do you remember all those murder mystery novels we used to trade?”

“How could I forget?” Percy smiles, revealing a few deep dimples that distract Oliver. “Is that what you’re writing—murder mystery stories?”

“With more queer representation, of course,” he says with a wry smile. “But I don’t know if they’re any good, and at this early stage I’m too shy to show anyone anything.”

“Oliver Wood, shy?” Percy raises his eyebrows. “What has the world come to?”

“I’m a man of surprise.”

“Evidently.” He takes a sip of his tea. “You can show me what you’ve written. If you want, I mean. I know I’ve got the reputation of a razor-tonged critic—”

“I distinctly remember you telling six-year-old Ron that his drawings look as if Satan possessed his body, got drunk off vodka-spiked slushies, and vomited all over the paper.”

“I’m always nice to you.” Percy taps Oliver’s feet with his own. “Besides, I was only ten. I’m a changed man now; I even stopped signing my name off in text messages.”

“I noticed,” Oliver laughs. “I wish you wouldn’t stop doing that. It was endearing.”

“Endearing?”

“Yeah, you know, cute.” He thanks the dark complexion he inherited from his dear mum for hiding his blush.

Percy’s eyes widen from behind his glasses. They’re still brilliantly, beautifully blue and Oliver hates him for it. “Listen, I hate to end this conversation, but I promised Mum I would be home for dinner. Can I see you tomorrow?”

“I can come by after work,” Oliver offers, trying not to sound too eager. “I haven’t been to your house since the twins’ birthday bash. I think everyone from that party got implicitly banned from entering again.”

Percy’s laugh leaves him feeling warm and tingly.

#

Percy’s room looks more or less the same. This is the domain of a boy with worlds at his disposal, tucked into neatly aligned novels and books of poems. A model of the solar system takes center stage on his desk. There is a cardboard cutout of Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy in the corner—a gag gift that Charlie knowingly got him on his fifteenth birthday—but everything else is nothing less than scholarly. Except, maybe, an IKEA candle burning on his bedside table.

Percy pats the spot beside him on the bed, and Oliver plops down next to him.

“Are you still dating Flint?” he asks Oliver, tilting his head in inquiry.

The question is unexpected enough to make Oliver feel hopeful. “Haven’t seen him since he went to Sheffield. We weren’t even dating, really, more like fooling around. He got bored while I was recovering. Good riddance, really. What about you? Are you seeing anyone?”

Please say no. “Not since Penelope. We’re mates now; we’ve been encouraging each other to participate in social events at Oxford and we live in different colleges so things don’t get too awkward.”

“That’s good to hear,” Oliver slowly nods, relieved by the news. These two weeks wouldn’t change a thing between him and Percy, but he feels better knowing that the object of his pining is unattached. “So. Anything planned to do while you’re crashing back home?”

“Spending time with family, mostly.” He winces. “God, I forgot what it’s like to live under the same roof as the twins. No peace or privacy. But I quite missed it, strangely enough. It’s also nice to catch up with Ron and Ginny, though Ron acts like I’m the dreaded third parent. But Ginny’s been sending me emails ever since I left; I think she thinks no-one at home has time to listen.”

“That’s lovely of her to write,” says Oliver. “I’ve been trying to keep in touch with you too, but after a while...”

“You don’t have to explain yourself.”

“No, wait.” Without thinking of the implications, his hand closes over Percy’s, which was lying on the space-patterned duvet between them. “Seeing as how we left things off, I thought it would be...well, I thought we needed some space.”

“I think about you every day, Oliver.”

“Y-You do?”

“Of course I do,” Percy says, colder this time. He pulls his hand free from under Oliver’s. He misses the warmth immediately. “When you keep ignoring my texts, I suspected that you wanted to forget about me, that you didn’t care about how I was doing. I don’t expect you to drop everything else to pay attention to me, of course not, seeing as you’re in recovery—but it still bloody stings.”

“Oh, fuck, Percy,” Oliver groans, “I’m so, so sorry. I thought—I thought I was doing you a favor. I mean, you’re brilliant. You’re brilliant and wonderful and you are going to take the world by storm. You don’t need a boy from home holding you back, you know?”

“That,” Percy narrows his eyes, “is the stupidest pile of shite I’ve ever heard.”

The profane remark is a hurtful surprise; Percy only swears while watching EastEnders or when he’s really upset. “I’ve been selfish, but not because I don’t love you enough,” says Oliver, gently. “It’s because I love you too much for my own sanity.”

It’s an overly dramatic declaration that belongs in a soap opera about infidelities among the rich, but he wouldn’t take it back if he could.

Percy gapes at him as if he’s gone mad. “Did it ever occur to you that I may love you too, you absolute idiot?”

Oliver couldn’t believe his own ears. “I’ve asked you out three times while we were at school. You’ve had plenty of time to prove that.”

“The first time, you were so intoxicated you forgot the word ‘date’—”

“Drunken me is still honest and true!”

“The second time was over text. With typos!”

Oliver squeezes his eyes shut. “That text took me about ten minutes to compose, and my fingers shook from the nerves. But the message was very clear.”

“Well, I thought you were teasing. Or drunk-texting. Or meant to send it to Flint or some other bloke.”

“But the third time,” Oliver insists, “couldn’t have been clearer. Face-to-face and sober and flowers in my hand and on your bloody doorstep while it was raining. And my hair was gelled. God, Percy, my hair was gelled.”

“I was at the brink of moving across the country.” He averts his eyes. “It wasn’t the right time. I can’t treat our relationship like a summer dalliance.”

“It never seems to be the right time, does it?” Oliver sighs, touching Percy’s hand again.

“I’m sorry, Ol.” Unexpectedly, he takes Oliver’s hand up to his lips to press a kiss against his fingers. “I’m really sorry.”

#

The kettle begins to boil in earnest just as the knocks on the front door become more and more insistent. Cursing under his breath—he had expected a free night in to work on his novel, it was raining after all—Oliver walks up to the door.

He is met with the sight of Percy Weasley, drenched in rain and armed with yellow flowers.

“These are for you, you’re welcome.” Percy hands the flowers to Oliver. Despite wilting from the rain, they're still very beautiful, which causes an unfair riot in his heart. “Jonquils. I think they signify love and desire? The florist could be spouting bollocks for all I know; she listened to me talk about you and chose these, so I hope you like them. Or don’t hate them, at the very least.”

“You know I love them. They’re from you, after all.” He looks at Percy in the eye and gives him a smile—tentative, slow. “And I know nothing about floral meanings, so you’re safe. Is this why you came? To give me a bouquet?”

“I noticed there’s a new natural history museum on Godric’s Road, but they still couldn't get a bloody planetarium.”

“Yeah, I know about that. I live in this town.”

“It still looks enticing. I thought we could go on our first date there, then get lunch at The Three Broomsticks and buy each other gifts from the bookshop like we used to.”

“Perce...I don't understand." He puts a hand on Percy's shoulder. "What changed?"

“Two weeks may not be much, but we’ve known each other our whole lives." Percy raises his chin in defiance. "Something as inconsequential as physical distance couldn’t stand against the both of us.”

Percy pushes their foreheads together until there is not so much as a breath between them. Hell, Oliver couldn’t even breathe. His heart gallops in his chest and his world narrows until there is nothing else outside the boy in front of him. “Are you going to take me to a planetarium next?” he asks with a chuckle. 

“If you’re ever so lucky.”

[loquaciousquark]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E26 (July 17, 2018)

Tonight’s guests: Matt Mercer, Ashly Burch, and Taliesin Jaffe. Heck, I’m nervous for all three of them.

Announcements: Critical Role will be at the San Diego Comic Con on 7/21 in 6BCF at 6:30pm. The panel will be aired next Tuesday during the TM time slot. They’ll also be at NYCC in October!

CR Stats! Episode 26 had 14 natural 20s, the most of the new campaign. This was in no small part due to Ashly borrowing Tal’s dice because she doesn’t own her own dice bag. There’s so much dice karma happening in that sentence I don’t even know how to handle it. It ties with episodes 55, 61, and 100. Keg has the most natural 20s of any single-episode guesting with 4. Molly got the M9′s 100th kill. He leads the party with 21 kills in all. “Hot murder streak.”

We’ve seen seven of Molly’s cards so far: the silver dragon, anvil, serpent, eye, moon, shadow, and the chariot. Tal says the serpent may be the same as the dragon, but he’ll check.

This was Ashly’s first time guesting on the show proper--previously she’d only been on oneshots. Biggest difference? “There were less people dying on the oneshots!”

Matt and Brian both take a moment to applaud Ashly’s characterization and sticking to the true roleplaying of her character over any min-maxing of the dice she might have done otherwise. Tal says the math would have come out either way as it was. It’s the first time she’s ever done something like that in a D&D game.

Matt always prefers roleplaying over what’s strategically optimal, especially since the moments where you falter and fail often lead to the true “hero” arc for your character. “It was very wild and unique to watch the cocksure exterior crumble.”

Everyone’s been kind to Ashly directly since The Incident. It’s only whispers she’d heard indirectly.

Tal already hadn’t slept the night before; he didn’t that night either, just curled up and thought until dawn. He realized in panic that he’d never come up with a backup character as Matt had asked months ago; he has rolled a new one since then, but he spent most of the weekend coping with making a new character in three days after spending six months on Molly. Bless.

Brian woke Ashley up during the live show when he heard Taliesin say “my Blood Maledict’s going to kill me” so that they could watch the rest together. He realized that Matt was hesitating a lot more than usual as things went on, that Matt seemed to be hinting more and more strongly that the impending encounter was about to go very badly for the M9.

Matt designed the Iron Shepherds to be a very dangerous, powerful group when they are all together (as they were that night). He’d planned for several options: the M9 following and never catching up, waiting to gather intel until Shady Creek, catching up but only observing from a distance, and for the actual battle itself. He tried to give them clues about how dangerous they would actually be: that there were more than five enemies, that Ashly’s character knew how dangerous they were, that they were prepared and tough-looking. However, he never wants to be too heavy-handed in guiding the players’ hands. His intent with the battle was to show some surprises and that the M9 didn’t know what they were dealing with, and had hoped that the M9 would take the hint and back out sooner than they did.

Brian could tell that Matt was very visibly affected as the fight went on, which Matt points out was in part due to how late it was. He allowed the battle to occur because he didn’t plan for it to be a long one (the Iron Shepherds were going to speed away...until the M9 dropped the tree across the road). Then he had no idea what was going to happen during the battle. He adds that DMs sometimes end up with encounters harder than they’d plan, and it was nervewracking because as much as he cares for these characters, he also has a responsibility to be true to the strength of the enemies and the realities of the dice. There were a lot of ways the fight could have still gone, but didn’t (parlay, discussion, more ambushing, better dice rolls).

If Keg hadn’t stepped up and used her relationship specifically with Lorenzo to halt the battle, it would have gotten way, way worse for the M9, including the kidnapping of more of the M9 to be sold.

Lorenzo has a specific vanity and enjoyment of power over other people, and Keg’s intervention played straight into that. It’s the only reason that encounter didn’t go more poorly.

Some of the Iron Shepherds’ background information was known by Keg; some was deliberate misleading on the part of the Shepherds to keep Keg in the dark.

Keg wasn’t happy about Caleb’s charming, but Keg knew there was no way she could take on the Shepherds on her own. She has a facade of being cocksure and proud but is truly a coward, and knew that taking them on alone would kill her. The charming was a “necessary evil.”

Taliesin knew the risks of the Maledict but planned to give Lorenzo disadvantage, hopefully dodge the next two attacks, and escape as soon as Lorenzo engaged with Beau. Then the dice came up with the rest of his HP and that was that.

Matt did in fact roll the Golden Snitch for the bad guys this game. Brian: “Let’s not give him the most powerful die in the game next time.” Tal: “Oh, it’s going to go mysteriously missing any day now.”

Lorenzo was not visibly afraid at any point during this fight. Matt declines to elaborate further.

GIF of the Week! u/rndmanswrs4rndmqstns from Reddit, for a gif of the battle map from last episode superimposed with a tragic news ticker footage of the slaughter.

Molly’s final words were an easy choice. “He’s not complicated in that direction, and his feelings on violence and death are easy.” Tal says it didn’t fully hit him until hours later. Still, Molly never really felt ownership of his own self; it all still felt borrowed. He knew death would come eventually and probably earlier rather than later. “As ways to go existed, I think that was a very Molly way to go.”

Matt thinks these reminders of mortality are important...depending on the type of story you’re trying to tell. Their game needs the stakes of having the risk of death, although that’s not what would be fun for every game and should not always be on the table. However, they know each other so well that he feels it’s an important reminder that there are consequences for their actions and that it suits the world they live in. Tal points out that the same thing is true for so many types of fiction: “they’re only fine because they’re not real.” Sometimes these stories happen in a vacuum and the hero is immortal...and sometimes, as in their game, they’re not. Matt thinks it’s important to be able to grieve and feel catharsis for even a fictional character (and cites a particular death from C1 as an example for himself). Matt: “In a weird, macabre way, I’m excited to see where the story goes from here.” Brian: “Me, too.” Tal: “Me, too. I mean, at first I was panicking, but now I have a pretty good idea.”

Ashly initially panicked when Matt revealed the Iron Shepherds’ abilities (since she thought she’d misremembered what Matt had said), but then felt even more justified in her RP. Everything felt worse because so many people were gone, including Laura and Travis. “I felt like the babysitter who dropped the baby.” She felt the whole time during the fight that they shouldn’t be engaging the way they were.

Molly’s final thoughts were “easy and simple and base...the immense, reasonable, and wonderfully sustaining emotion of ‘well, fuck you, too,’ which is the righteous and more reasonable cousin to ‘fuck you.’“ No fear, no panic.

The Iron Shepherds existed as part of the worldbuilding in the northern region and were intended to be a later issue, but Matt wove them into the story soon since Laura & Travis had to leave. He wasn’t intending for them to become such an immediate, intense antagonistic force, but DMs have to adapt to the situations and this one felt natural.

Cut to Dani Cam, who had a very hard Thursday night ( :( ). She asks Ashly how Keg, someone very self-preservational, decided to sacrifice herself for the M9. Ashly remembered that in their discussions, Matt characterized Lorenzo as someone who liked to make examples of people, and thought that if she prostrated herself in front of him, he might maim her but not kill her, which turned out to be accurate--so it was still fairly self-preservational on her part. They’ll find out more next week. Ashly will be with us the next two sessions and will be joining the crew at GenCon! Heck yes!!

As much as Tal likes Matt’s Lingering Soul class, he would never consider it as an option for Mollymauk. “There’s no version of Molly coming back as a ghost that doesn’t end with him desperately wanting it to be over.” Matt designed it more narratively to be a person whose sheer force of will keeps them from accepting the moment of death due to unfinished business or the pure determination to live...which they both feel is the exact opposite of Molly.

Matt liked how Taliesin showed that all personalities can play the Blood Hunter, not just the edgy grimdark type.

Fanart of the Week! @jesttothenines, with this pain. Ow.

If Molly hadn’t run to Lorenzo, Beau would have likely been his example instead. Molly was an easier target, though, because he was closer and more hurt. If Beau had been unconscious instead (and not dead) when Keg made her plea, Lorenzo might have asked what she was willing to trade to get Beau back.

This is the second of Tal’s characters Matt’s killed. The first one was a mad monk who liked to set things on fire who was eaten by ghouls.

Dani: “Why can’t this campaign be happy? And fairies?!” Matt: “We had the fairies last campaign in the Feywild! They murdered the pixies! They sided with the werewolves!”

After last campaign, Tal and Dani hugged while Dani cried pretty hard. Then Tal went home and cried himself. He left the table during the episode because he was on the verge of having a panic attack and couldn’t handle watching everyone else panic as well.

Ashly thought she was going to have a limb lopped off at minimum when Lorenzo had her kneel. She didn’t expect to be let go unscathed. 

Molly would have considered his death “worth it” if he knew it meant Beau was spared. In a way, it helps that he now has an “eternal one-up” on her. Matt: “That’s very Molly of him.”

The persuasion success from Keg was a chief reason Lorenzo spared them, but it was also because the rest of the M9 were insignificant gnats to him. Keg’s reaction was the only one he cared about, so as soon as she gave in he’d gotten what he wanted. Then he just wanted to set the example and spread the word.

Ashly hadn’t meant to let them know she’d been part of the slavers until Shady Creek, but actually likes how it came out.

Matt really doesn’t think it was an overall bad plan. It was just a few strategic missteps, some very bad dice rolls, and an enemy that outmatched them.

Dani recalls to us all that Molly had told us it would be a cursed trip.

Molly’s parting advice to the M9: Tal declines to think about it much in depth. “Life’s short, eat a bagel. Join the circus. Lighten up. Life’s short; do something to a bagel.”

The illusion that cloaks the cages under the tarp means that even if the missing three of the M9 are in there, they wouldn’t have seen Molly’s death.

Molly is no different in Taliesin’s head than he was last week, which is why he's having a slightly easier time with this than everyone else. “He’s no different for me, I just don’t get to trot him out on Thursday.” He was based off of several friends, some who have passed away, and several experiences he had as a teenager and places and people he knew that profoundly affected him. He mentions a song off the soundtrack for Wristcutters: A Love Story, since that movie had a lot of “good carnie family vibes” about weird people taking care of each other. There was an archetype in film that was very much Molly which Tal hasn’t seen in a long time, and he explains: there’s a way of living a life where you don’t give a fuck about what people think but you do give a fuck about people. He never needed to be fixed and he never needed permission for anything. He’s not Iron Man where you’re waiting to see him become a good person, and he was never a creature of profound change like Captain America, where you watch to see the good they make on the world; his unfinished business was in each interaction he had with the people in the world and making them deal with him, but making sure that dealing with him was always a positive and kind experience. Matt gets very emotional at the description. Me too, friend.

His favorite part of playing him was being a teenager version of himself; the art and cosplay were spectacular. And the terrible accent, of course.

Brian takes a moment to thank Taliesin for making memorable characters and memorable choices that have a bigger impact than what only they can see. He looked at all the tributes for Molly this week because he wanted to get a feel for how the community was feeling so that they could hone the questions for the show. The character meant a lot to a lot of different types of people, and it’s a testament to Tal’s heart that people connected so much with this character.

Brian, Matt, and Tal are all crying at this point. Ashly starts reactive-crying. Dani’s crying on the Dani Cam. This is AWFUL.

After Dark: QQ Edition

We open laughing (relieving change) since everyone’s hurled obscenities at Brian just before the show went live. Matt enjoys being on the other side of that for once.

Beau is the member of the M9 who’s best earned the right to wear Molly’s coat. “She’s the one who needs to lighten up. Caleb’s never going to lighten up and that’s okay. Jester doesn’t need it. Fjord doesn’t need it. That’s not Nott’s problem.”

Keg is super interested in Nott’s never-ending flask. “I’m abandoning this super dramatic narrative. I’m going for the flask.”

A TPK was possible if the M9 kept throwing themselves at the Iron Shepherds, but Matt knew they were smarter than that and would either flee or give themselves up as Keg did. “It relied on the players’ actions at that point; that’s why I was so nervous. I was like, this is the scenario I built and now we have to see it through.”

Tal honestly doesn’t remember what Liam said to him when he left the table right after him. It was mostly a “well, that happened,” and Liam just refilled his drink before going back to the table.

Tal went home after the show, cried in bed, and then the sun came up and he realized he had no idea for a new character. He spent so much time working on Molly that he never got around to making anything else. He came up with his next idea in about thirteen-fourteen hours, and he’s very happy with it. Matt points out he was explicitly clear about how they needed to come up with backup characters when the campaign started. “These low levels are dangerous!”

Everyone addresses the new studio in terms most respectful and patient, asking it to be benevolent now that it’s had its blood sacrifice. 

Keg’s going to grow a vengeance beard.

Brian talks about Ashley’s reaction on the couch; she leaned forward on her knees, looked over at Brian, and said, “I’m gonna kill that motherfucker.” Brian said, “Yeah, you probably will.” They now have a formidable villain for the early campaign.

Tal can’t even answer the question about how Yasha will react when she finds out. “Oh, no. Oh, no.”

Matt and Brian have a retrospective moment of panic about how good it is Yasha wasn’t there that night, since she’s a rage-based barbarian. Matt, wide-eyed: “There would have been no parlay. Oh, no. Next question.”

Keg’s favorite moments were the secret-sharing with Nott and the conversation with Beau. Matt loved their meeting: “When an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. It was beautiful.”

Brian’s first desire after the show was to rage-tweet Matt Colville. He, apparently, refrained.

 Matt thinks the threat of death should be present and played out when it happens, but he never likes playing DM-vs.-player.

Tal smiled when Molly was being killed because that was both Molly’s reaction, and because Tal himself is a nervous smiler.

Matt doesn’t consider this revenge for Tal killing him off so soon in the Vampire oneshot; Tal reminds us that he knew Matt knew about the very specific subclass he’d given Matt and they both knew what would happen when he went outside.

Tal and Matt reminisce about early PC deaths. “What was that, 2012?” Ashly: “Aw, you guys have killed each other so much!”

They’re asked about the best lie they’ve ever told. Tal convinced someone a nonsense Pirate Queen existed; Matt doesn’t really lie, but when he senses gullibility he doubles down until reality’s rearranged.

Tal started wearing black when Jim Henson died...except that he forbade black at his funeral. The camera zooms in on Tal’s iridescent loafers & his peacock paisley shirt: “This is Molly’s funeral shirt.”

Ashly will definitely be back on Thursday; Tal will be back as soon as the narrative allows it. He’s prepared for Thursday if it works out.

And that’s where it wraps up tonight. Be good to each other; it’s almost Thursday.

[burntuakrisp]

Kemono Friends Nexon Transcript Notes (Main Story)

Part 1

Towa is a guy

 Sure he and Mirai will get married (Serval ships them)

 Silver fox is sneaking 

 Towa has had the amulet for as long as his family has existed (descendants of ancient humans that go the amulet from the Vok, stolen)

 Silver fox has an interest in the amulet 

 Mirai is part way a furry

 Mirai glasses allows for scanning and study

 Serval is getting visions of her losing memory of her future 

Silver fox mission is to watch over Towa

 Mirai is still new to being a guide

 Serval loves to eat food and is easily sensitive 

 Cerulean type: Akagau

 Serval reads

 Caracal is stubborn 

 Serval got soy sauce on Caracal’s clothes and got cake on a book

 The amulet allows all Friends to be loyal to the one who possesses it

 Caracal likesto tease Serval

 Cerval keeps saying “I must go”

 Silver fox still follows 

 Serval once made a silly dance one time

 Chase after Cerval

Chapter 2

 Serval steps into a Cerulean 

 The age of Arai-san 

 Raccoon once ended her words with Noda, request to capture the Cerulean that looks like a Friend 

 Caracal mentioned hell 

 Town squares are where Friends can rest and safe from ceruleans

 Crested ibis song is like the sound of the underworld 

 Towa knows that the voice is a song

 The people at this park literally have no info on Ceruleans

 Caracal calls Towa a scary kid (I’m postive Towa is a grown man)

 Even Ceruleans hate Crested Ibis’s singing (it sounds like Unicron emerging)

 A Random cerulean is happy to have finally have been noticed 

 Professor’s previous name was Professor Konoha-Chan

 Assistant was once called Mimi-Chan

 The sages took time to introduce the ceruleans that we’re chasing them

 Professor is brutally honest 

 The sages are literally staring at Towa’s chest as they examine the charm

 Fennec thinks Raccoon is cute 

 Assistant is able to pretend to be an eagle to scare away foes

 Assistant hissing 

 Towa can’t abandon troubled animals 

 Towa cries too easily

 The Professor and assistant want the charm

 The Professor suggests that she and her assistant steal Towa

 Copaiba tree sap makes you feel like you’re being reborn 

 Shoutking Z

 Crested ibis singing can heal

 Assistant and Professor are the type of twins that watch you in your sleep 

 Airabian Oynx is too long so rabi rabi 

 Towa is a tall guy

 Thompson’s gazelle is called lulu

 Ceruleans can disguise themselves as a lake of water by huddling together 

 Ceruleans also can function like a pillow 

 The amulet gives Friends powers

 “Tie you up like an adult”

 Raccoon also says nanoda

 Serval says that raccoon was a gag character 

 Raccoon loves to clean things

 Raccoon also means araiguma 

 Fennec is good at digging holes 

 Serval knows how to pluck at the heart strings 

 Ever since she met Towa

 Crested ibis also is called Toki

 Ceruleans broke the barricade to cause the drought 

 Serval’s secret twitching-ears-and-swinging-tail technique 

 A big cerulean keeps drinking the water where the oasis gets its water from 

 Toki thinks Caracal expression is cute

 Mirai gets distracted by animals too easily 

 Lulu is sensitive 

 A cerulean that can store a lot of water 

 Serval’s naming sense is terrible 

 No data on ceruleans

 Silver fox is referring to someone

 Serval gets in trouble a lot 

 Serval is very misfortunate

 There is a disease known as “Gaogao Disease” that causes Friends to not speak properly and only let out animal cries

 Mirai is extremely defensive towards Friends 

 Raccoon forgot an oar

 Hippo was once called Kaba-sama 

 Cerval loves Japari buns

 Black Rhino thinks she’s a knight for white rhino who she thinks is a princess

 Black Rhino reads the Bible 

 Cerval makes a sloppy face when wanting to eat Japari bun

 The disease is abdominal 

 Cerval can understand what able to understand what someone is saying when infected with the disease 

 A rainbow liquid drips from those infected 

 Undine is a water center in the water front area

 Silver examines the liquid 

 Amatatsu Waterfall

 Black Rhino said the d word

 Serenity Jungle

 Raccoon just swam and Fennec road on her back

 Black Rhino totally has feelings for White Rhino

 A cerulean caused the disease 

 “Everything in the name of the Queen”

 Cerval seems to be second hand to the Queen 

 Silver fox makes a vaccine for the disease 

 Silver fox tries to disguise herself with glasses 

 The vaccine is called “Gaonaras Q”

 Silver fox got shot flying but left the vaccine 

 Black Rhino writes poetry to white rhino

 The group drags Silver to the snow area, she is currently knocked out

 Silver fox has the scent of the amulet 

 Ceruleans can hide in the snow 

 Silver fox got amnesia from the hit

 Ezo red fox had a map to give

 Hot spring visit

 There is a hot spring that can cure amnesia 

 Some hot springs have different effects 

 The hot springs effects are caused by a giant sleeping cerulean 

 Hot springs could heal you

 Ceruleans can steal “sparkles” from people or Friends to copy their forms/appearance 

 White Rhino got drunk from the hot spring 

 Drunk white Rhino thinks the Japari bus is black Rhino

 And she thinks a rock is fake Serval 

 Serval can’t think of come backs

 Actually everyone except serval, Mirai, and Towa get drunk, even raccoon and Fennec arrive

 Mumble madness hot spring 

 Serval wants to be Friends with fake serval

 Ceruleans took the sparkle of words with the disease 

 Sparkle is something that’s felt through wordless things (friendship,hopes,memories, etc...)

 The way to get the sparkle back is by defeating the cerulean that took it in the first place

 Serval named Cerval

 Super secret hot spring 

 Caracal throws a snowball and starts a snowball fight 

 Silver makes an igloo 

 Serval, Silver, and Towa fall into a fountain instead of a hot spring 

 Vision from the very beginning of the story (remember)

 Silver fox was protecting Towa, under the orders of Oinari-sama, holder of the special power

 Oinari is a guardian entity that looks over a protects Japari Park

 Cerval feels uneasy after hearing about Oinari

 Oinari lives in Park Central (where there are amusement parks, hotels, shops)

 Park Central is currently under blockage

 The spark of enjoyment has been stolen making people not have fun when they come to park central 

 The park is currently closed due to the Cerulean outbreak 

 Maybe Oinari gave Towa the amulet 

 Cerval is trying to wake up the giant cerulean 

 The ground in the snow area is getting  hotter due to Cerval who is under mind control 

 Raccoon is good at distracting ceruleans

 Turns out she and Fennec were not just the comic relief characters after all

 Cerval is trying to break free but she’s under the Queen’s power

 The rise is temp caused an avalanche 

 Cerval almost said friends 

 Oinari wants Towa to learn more of the park

 Fennec sees Cerval as an enemy 

 Silver fox will just stand in the shadows 

 Towa has a party?

 Houtoku region sky race invitational 

 Catch up with Cerval before Raccoon does 

 Sea of clouds area

 Passenger pigeon is mail delivery 

 Hotoku region is occupied by birds

 Called bird land

 The Sky Race

 Each region and area has its own set of events and celebrations 

 The Sky race involves a group of 3 and goes through various checkpoints until they reach the finish line 

 Even non bird friends can take part in the race

 The Professor and assistant made a flying bicycle to participate in the Sky race

 The winner gets a prize 

 Arai is Serval’s rival (apparently)

 “Hyper-special-great-delicious” sensei

 Arai loves cool sounding words 

 Dodos are pigeons 

 The group is divided into 2 groups 

 Toki, Lulu, and Caracal

 Serval, White Rhino, and Silver Fox

 Servals team is called the Towa’s

 Cerulean “Cheerful motions”

 Nothing in love and peace about them

 Sky race is set up by pigeons (plus Dodo)

 Dodo loves to say “love and peace”

 Team Caracal is the other team of the group 

 groups are called Sky Impulse and Sky Divers are rivals

 Towa has become famous in Japari Park or at least well known

 Silver fox was able to remodel the bus to fly

 The Sky race is narrated by Superb Lyrebird 

 The race passes through the entire region 

 Towa uses the bus while Caracal uses the bike

 The race is going to be broadcasted 

 The race also involves the team going through the race while carrying a certain Friend (Lion/ stellar sea lion/Moa) around 

 The Professor and assistant are here as well (just because) on a team

 Towa has to carry Lion

 Sky impulse has to carry stellar sea lion

 Sky divers have to carry moa

 Caracal has to carry Scarlet Ibis

 Stellar doesn’t like being referred to aaa fat

 Scarlet Ibis is going to be a loud mouth

 Right as the race starts, Ceruleans attack

 Silver Fox’s “Huge Rubber ZZ” on the remodel Japari bus

 The Huge Rubber ZZ is like a catapult that will also give you acceleration

 Silver fox is uptight 

 Scarlet Ibis is smug that she feels high and mighty riding in a basket 

 Silver fox is willing to cheat in order for Towa to win

 A Cerulean that is combined with a Friend (Cerval)

 Some Ceruleans can fly

 Towas team started late due to fighting ceruleans

 Something happened to the team Sky impulse, it’s leader was left behind 

 Northern Goshawk is acting like the race is stupid and lame

 Her sparkle was taken

 White Rhino literally drags her to come with the team Towa

 White Rhino can have a temper when she loses paicent 

 Professor diary

 The Professor’s team dropped out due to the Cerulean 

 Forest Owlet and Kyutie were with the Professor and Assistant 

 Kyutie has a habit of not being noticed 

 Kyutie is a Kyuushuu owl who likes to create different characters for herself 

 The Cerulean is after Scarlet Ibis voice because it was charmed by her song

 Scarlet Ibis speaks in 3rd point of view 

 Caracals team is in trouble 

 Cerval wants wings so she stole

 Birdien > Poultrien

 Sky Diver is in the lead

 Free Patrolling Squad dropped their baggage 

 The bird land is next to the snow land 

 Team Towa and Caracal are chasing a giant cerulean 

 Cerval is riding the Giant Cerulean 

 Arai and Fennec, Towa team, and Caracal team have entered a cerulean lair (danger zone)

 Arai was on the bike and flew it by herself 

 Yama gets embarrassed easily (porcupine)

 Arai lands the sky bike and it rides like a normal bike(it’s a rickshaw)

 Sensei was a Cheetah(part of Raccoon team) to get the race victory and Cerval

 But suddenly cheetah slowed down 

 Cerval is in the race

 Bush warber loves haikus 

 Green pheasant team drops out after being scared by ceruleans

 Arai San has no time limits 

 Cerval took golden goshawks seriousness 

 Cerval took something from Serval, resulting in her copying her form

 Eagerness was stolen

 Sky divers are dealing with ceruleans

 Cerulean took goshawk self confidence 

 Minimum twose 

 Puffin thought she was clever

 Only team Caracal and Towa are left

 Cerval is in the lead

 Ceruleans will kill goshawks teammates who are surrounded 

 It’s okay to fail as long as you get back up and try again 

 Don’t be scared of yourself 

 Goshawk has a plan

 Use the rubber to launch goshawk to her teammates 

 Lion pulls the rubber to launch 

 Both team Sky divers and Sky impulse work together to save the day

 Eagle loves justice and is able to use wing tucking 

 The ceruleans collide with each other 

 Cerval is the only Cerulean left

 The race is almost complete 

 Team Towa, Sky divers, Sky impulse, and Caracal are the only ones left

 Cerval is getting strength from the Ceruleans

 No other cerulean has ever done that before 

 Lulu refers to Rabi

 Mention the Cerulean Queen 

 Cerval disappears 

 Serval still wants to be her Friend 

 Photo finish 

 Sky Divers were third place

 Towa was 2nd place

 Sky Impulse won

 Towa helped a small fox in the past

 Kon...kon

 Serval for some reason begins to cry after hearing Towa’s past. It brings her a feeling of nostalgia 

 A sparkle could return if they are motivated enough 

 Cerval is heading towards the Gokoku region 

 Margay is planning an event

 Serval once went to the Kemono Hospital due to being injured 

 The Kemono Hospital is in Park Central 

 In park Central is Kemono Castle

 Fennec leaves with a passed out Arai San

 What was it that Cerval stole?

 Who is the Cerulean Queen?

 Why did Towa’s story move Serval so much?

 Margay is working on something but then she gets discovered by a cerulean 

 Margay seems to be a writer of some kind

 Margay goes to the Japari Cafe

 A bridge collapsed 

 Back then, we didn’t quite know. The big thing that was starting to engulf the whole Japari Park.

 Serval doesn’t know why she cried after hearing Towa’s story 

 It seems like what happened was from a memory from her past

 Everyone recovered from their muscle cramps from the race

 Gokokou region is made of seas and mountains 

 There are rumors going on about the ocean nearby 

 A rumor that there is a ghost ship that is able to move by itself 

 A rumor about a spot where pirates have buried treasure 

 Serval thinks it’s romantic for some reason 

 A rumor about the mysterious giant ghossi monster 

 Ghossi is a cryptid ghost carp

 Ghossi will let you ride on its back

 Serval believes in ghossi

 Caracal believes Ghossi is a cerulean 

 They meet Ikkaku san the narwhal 

 Cetacean animal girl

 Mirai is crying tears of joy over meeting narwhal and possibly meeting dolphins 

 Mirai goes on and on about telling Towa about whales and dolphins 

 Narwhal looks more then a Knight then black Rhino did, as her tusk is her spear

 There is an Art Festival 

 Margay loves art stuff

 Margay is feeling down for some reason 

 The team decides to go and cheer her up

 Raccoon dog is doing caligraphy

 Her brush is made by her fur

 Raccoon dog had a crumpled piece of paper with Towas name on it.

 She ran away in embarrassment 

 Raccoon dog might have a crush on Towa (Reaelry likelike)

 Margays script for her movie was taken by a Cerulean and now she can’t remember how it goes and she needs to start filming soon

 Margays sparkle of creativity was stolen 

 The group decides to recover the script 

 Margay drew a picture of the Cerulean in question 

 Snow sheep rearranged white rhinos hair style 

 Crossroad hairstyles 

 Oxpeckers tend to the skin of animals that are unable to do so. Like Hippo and Rhino

 The Cerulean went to Hammer Mountain

 Snow Sheep gives the best hair styles

 Fennec imitates Arai voice

 Silver Fox is here also

 Arai is still down for recovering on her muscle cramps so Fennec is alone for today 

 Toki called Arai a noise maker 

 Fennec wants to travel with the group today

 Fennec travels with Arai because it’s fun. And she likes messing with the group and Towa

 That time when Serval went to the Kemono Hospital was because she had a broken foot. It was there before she became a friend 

 The person that treated her was as nice as Towa

 “It’ll be alright, you’ll be better soon because you’re strong.”

 Fennec also once went to the Kemono Hospital and she remembers Serval before becoming an animal girl

 “I wonder what would’ve happened if “the miracle” didn’t happen...

 Muskox is great at knitting and is making a giant scarf for the Art Festival 

 The Cerulean went to Gomanto River

 Mediterranean monk seal and stellar sea cow are practicing a song to sing for the Festival 

 There is a stage above the river

 Mediterranean seals were what inspired sirens from Greek myths 

 Mirai is so happy to get to see all these new Friends 

 Mirai mentions “Professor Kako wish has come true”

 Kako is a Japari Park staff member that research into extinct animals 

 Mirai looks up to her as her senior 

 Silver fox is quiet about something 

 Fennec talks about in the past when Park Central was attack by Ceruleans and everyone had to flee the hospital. Serval was there as well

 Serval can’t remember any of the past

 Both Serval and Fennec heard “the voice”

 Silver fox asks if Serval can remember. Remember being saved by a human and being touched by Towa’s past. The familiar scent of the amulet 

 “A certain experience”

 The Amulet begins to glow

 Serval is starting to remember 

 Toki flees after hearing a song

 Serval remembers what happened. Back at the Kemono Hospital Serval heard a voice. It was the night before the Cerulean attack

 That voice was from Oinari sama 

 She said “a great calamity will take place here, very soon. Those who will fight, should steel their hearts. Those who are weak should get ready to run away.”

 After hearing her voice, everyone was healed of their injuries and filled with the feeling of wanting to help others 

 Everyone broke out of the hospital but then Serval was passed out.

 When Serval woke up, she was in the Savannah area.

 The miracle was the experience Kemo Harmony.

 Toki sings in front of a friend but she is unresponsive. It was a northern fur seal (able to continue activities while only using half of brain)

 Toki says “tough crowd”

 They find the black Cerulean holding Margay’s script 

 The Ceruleans form a brigades 

 The ceruleans are distracted by seal juggling a cerulean 

 The black ceruleans are different from the ones from before 

 Black Ceruleans multiply

 Narwhal is surrounded

 The ceruleans take narwhals spear

 The Ceruleans grew horns (horncell)

 Narwhal lost her fighting spirit 

 Ceruleans are working together 

 Narwhal got her spear back

 A new species of ceruleans

 The script was torn to peices

 Margay feels absolutely miserable 

 The Cerulean took her spark of inspiration 

 They decide to gather as much of the peices as possible and read what they have. They can ad lib

 They head to the film set

 The story is about the pirates seeking treasure of a ghost ship. The protagonist is the daughter of the great pirate and up until the they reached the treasure, they are in conflict with other pirates and navy.

 Mirai was able to borrow a boat (pleasure cruiser) to use for filming 

 Serval is the protagonist 

 Fennec doesn’t want to make Arai jealous of being in a movie without her

 Caracal is the enemy pirate 

 Lulu, Silver Fox is good

 Caracal, Toki, white Rhino are enemy pirate

 Margay calls Toki singing a horror movie 

 Mirai is in charge of the camera

 Narwhal is ocean adviser 

 Towa is stagehand

 Dolphins are co stars

 Start filming 

 Serval says the d word

 The real ghost ship arrives 

 The crew head forward to investigate 

 Ceruleans have highjacked the ghost ship

 Cerval is there

 The ceruleans are playing pirates 

 They are reenacting the script remains 

 Margay asks that the Cerval helps in filming the rest of the movie 

 Margay is inspired again 

 Serval is overwhelmed by the cerulean forces sent by former Friend Cerval

 The dolphins take out the ceruleans

 The films keeps on rolling 

 Cerval calls Serval a Friend for the first time 

 The horn ceruleans attack

 Cerval heard the Queens voice

 The black ceruleans follow the queens order

 Cerval doesn’t want to fight her Friend Serval

 Something emerges from underground 

 A giant cerulean that is thought to be Gosshi emerges

 Cerval is eaten by giant cerulean 

 Towa gives Serval power to rescue Cerval

 Cerval is spat out and sent to the Riukiu Region the true sea area

 Margay might not have made a successful movie but she got her creativity back

 Fennec is back 

 Kemo Harmony is when Animal Girls hearts resonates it creates a giant phenomenon that can only be described as a miracle 

 Before the park was raided by ceruleans Oinari called out to all the animals in the hospital. Every animal did everything they could to all escape as everyone was healed 

 Serval stood ahead a of everyone’s hopes and dreams of saving them. Even in her previous dire state

 Serval was “special”

 Cerval stole Serval’s special power

 Her “specialness” was taken as well as the memories of it

 Her memories of the attack were also stolen and only the memories of the pre day opening of the park can be remembered 

 Oinari is in park central using the miracle to contain the Cerulean boss (cerulean Queen)

 Cerval will use the Harmony she stole to help the queen win the fight

 Or at least that is what is first assumed

 They need to reclaim the Harmony 

 The group heads to the Riukiu region, with Fennec going to get Raccoon 

 two mysterious Friends (lefty and righty) are awaiting Towa to arrive to the region 

An Okinawa Rail is with them

We shall prevail 

The group arrives at the region

The dolphins are there 

Narwhal is there as well

The Riukiu is filled with sea and tropics

Rio the ironmote cat is a guide for Towa

A certain two want to meet Towa 

The group arrive the middle of the island 

They finally meet lefty and righty

Shisa lefty (Riukiu guardian animal)

Shisa righty (younger twin sister)

Shisa San is a legendary beast. Open mouth is fortune, closed is to prevent misfortune 

Silver fox goes into the shadow again since she knows too much but does not want to explain anything 

The beast give them pineapple Japari buns

The shisa are in charge of protecting the Riukiu region 

Oinari told them the situation 

Cerval fell into the region but is currently guarded by black ceruleans

There are some already investigating the cerulean guard and they will hear from them tomorrow so the team should rest for now 

Mirai and Towa go star gazing at night 

The night breeze feels good 

When Mirai was younger she met a woman that taught her about all different kinds of animals. It inspired her to persue a job with animals. Kako taught her everything.

Kako is a huge inspiration to everyone 

Kako lost her parents when she was younger 

Mirai was hoping to meet Kako when she became a guide. But then all the commotion happened 

The romantic moment is cut off by the sleepy Friends being chased by Ceruleans.

Righty keeps mentioning fortune 

Ryukyu boar has the reports of the investigation 

Mirai is overly fascinated by boar but boar is scared of animals she doesn’t recognize 

The Queen wants to bring back Cell Harmony

Cell Harmony is like Kemo Harmony but for Ceruleans

Cerval has stimulated ceruleans with the power she stole from Serval

Black Ceruleans are evolved ceruleans

It could create the Ultimate Cell Harmony 

This would result in all ceruleans evolving at once and they being able to steal as much sparkle as they desire. They would be unstoppable.

The only way to stop the plan is to get the specialness back to Serval.

Operation “infiltrate Cerval Island”

They board the Japari Bus boat to the island where Cerval is

The black ceruleans on under strict command and preventing others from getting on the island 

The dolphins and Narwhal are back and they brought Blue Whale

The dolphins look up to blue whale as a mother

Blue dolphin has a huge presence, being the world’s biggest animal 

Blue whale is everyone’s mom

They will take the bus under the sea to get the island 

The Japari bus goes into lockdown mode so it can travel underwater 

Arai and Fennec are stalking the group to get to Cerval

They snuck a seat under the bus

The bus is now a submarine 

Serval hopes Cerval is okay 

They arrive at an underwater cave

The bus floats back up

Arai and Fennec have been discovered 

Black Ceruleans are guarding the cave

The group splits up with Ikkaku to find Cerval

Lefty and Righty were going to be a decoy for Towa

Towa has the ability to connect with animals 

Shisas suggest that if Towa can’t stop Cerval, he might as well leave the park

Cerval will definitely head to park central 

The ceruleans attacked when the cerulean Queen appeared. It was at the time the staff and Oinari United to create a barrier. Lefty and righty tried to fight back but the Queen was too strong. The only way to defeat them is through Kemo Harmony. But without Serval’s specialness, then it will be useless against Cell Harmony. It’s only a matter of time till the Queen obtains ultimate Cell Harmony and then it’s all over.

Lefty doesn’t want a Towa to get hurt so she says that he shouldn’t get involved.

Silver fox asks why Lefty and righty can use their powers to get Servals specialness back.

They can’t do that because Cervals specialness that gives her an ego that makes her stronger then any other cerulean.

If they were to retrieve the specialness, Cerval would disappear completely.

Serval doesn’t want to lose Cerval.

If they don’t do it, the world will be drowned in darkness. Everything will be nothing. Fennec doesn’t want to lose her time with Raccoon.

If they do it, Oinari can be saved from her crisis 

Arai wants to punch both Cerval and the Queen with her Arai San punch

Mirai and Towa return to Narwhal

Shisas have successfully distracted the ceruleans while everyone looks for Cerval

Fennec is absolutely determined to save the park no matter what, she truly loves everyone in the park.

Serval is struggling to be happy and stay positive, but is failing slowly 

Okinawa rail makes herself known, thinking the phrase “don’t worry, be happy” was calling her name 

Habu keeps biting Servals tail

Rail will guide the team

Habu is now biting Arai tail

Cerval is almost complete 

But she has a doubt

All ceruleans must serve the Queen no matter what 

Fennec wonders if Arai tail tastes good

Rail and habu plan to distract the black ceruleans

They are also taking Arai because habu keeps chewing on her tail

Arai gets dragged away 

Cerval must go

They have to make Cerval disappear

Toki thinks Serval should have the final say, after everything she’s done for everyone.

Serval however has strong doubt in herself and doesn’t trust the team anymore 

But Toki silences everyone by threatening to sing

The bond between Serval and Towa has been the biggest strength the park needs to be unstoppable 

Cerval left a note saying “she must go”

Can’t rely on tuning fork anymore 

They need to get to park central, there the Queen is and where Cerval must be going

But the group is the surrounded by black ceruleans

The black ceruleans keep coming, the Queen has made records of their movements and studied them to counter any attacks 

The group keeps fighting ceruleans but they are slowly getting tired 

Blue whale, rail, Fennec, habu, and Arai are here to save the day

Lefty and right are here as well 

Blue whale catapulted them

Serval was unable to get her specialness back but the Shisa gave Serval the shisa infused amulet that should allow her to get her specialness back from Cerval with.

Serval is struggling as her thoughts are resembling a time off

The Professor and Assistant arrive

Things are going to be a bit harder and the Friends fear that Towa might be harmed due to the increasing number of ceruleans

The Salt Amulet was added to inventory 

Cerval must go but she doesn’t want to go. She wants Friends 

The group arrived at Park Central 

Everyone is happy that Towa is with them

Park Central has shopping districts, hotels, entertainment centers 

Serval and Lulu are overwhelming with excitement of being in park central 

Before you know it, everyone is excited and looking at all the cool things in park central (fitness center, karaoke bar, and more)

Crested ibis begins to sing at the Karaoke bar but the sparkle of the bar is gone

A sparkle of a place is something that no one has heard of before and they are unsure if they are able to get it back

This once happy place is now being filled with utter sadness 

The fortress of the ceruleans

Mirai has been trying to get in contact with the control center but she comes back all quiet 

Something has happened to Kako-san 

Towa comforts Mirai with a loving hug

Mirai is scared but she wants to stay positive no matter what 

During the cerulean attack at the Kemono Hospital, most of the staff were able to get out okay. But Kako was found unconscious and was transferred to the hospital outside of the park, but she is still unable to regain consciousness 

Kako San was attacked by Ceruleans

She might never open her eyes again 

They group finds Cerval who must go but doesn’t want to go

Cerval is heading emono Castle, an amusement park that uses Japari Park as its theme. The Perfect place for the Queen to reside

 Cerval is moving slow and so the group tries to catch up to her

Cerval enters the castle 

But a strange wall of light (barrier) is preventing the rest of the team from entering the castle

The group tries to break down the door but nothing they do works

The Professor and assistant arrive 

The Professor knows a way to break down the barrier 

The barrier was formed from different ceruleans scattered throughout the park. If they can defeat the ceruleans from each region, then the barrier will fall.

The group has to split up and defeat their respective ceruleans

Serval is left with Towa and Mirai 

At the waterside restaurant White Rhino reunites with black Rhino and

At the ruins Lulu meets with Rabi Rabi and they take down the cerulean 

At the park central observation deck, Toki, Professor and Assistant are there, northern goshawk, bald eagle, peregrine falcon, passenger pigeon, scarlet Ibis, martial eagle, lupela father, golden eagle to take down the cerulean 

Golden eagle says the sh word

Both crested ibis and scarlet Ibis sing to their hearts content to defeat the cerulean 

The Professor and assistant need to know more about the garden to prevent the ceruleans from coming back

At the forest park area, Fennec and Raccoon are ready to fight the cerulean 

Fennec says that Silver Fox believes in the miracle of Towa and Serval

Cerval’s fate won’t change

Arai says that Fennec loves the park and Towa and being worried without taking action won’t solve anything 

Fennec always knew Arai was cute

The cerulean is on the obstacle course 

Margay, Brown bear, Koala, Cheetah, Rock Dove are present

Drive the cerulean out of the obstacle course with Arai chasing it

Namichi, Yama-San, tube nose bat, fraternal myotis are here to help

Arai makes the ultimate sacrifice to tackle the fleeing cerulean 

But fennec helps her up

The team together defeats the cerulean 

Arai wants to play on the obstacle course 

Ceruleans have taken over the broadcast station and they need to win it back

At the shopping center Caracal, leopard, black leopard, sheep, Lion, and green pheasant have gathered 

Caracal starts to servely miss Serval

Bary lion arrives to comfort Caracal

The group defeats the giant cerulean 

The group gets distracted by the shopping center 

Black Leopard thinks Caracal is cute

Caracal starts thinking recklessly 

At the sea side narwhal, dolka, nalka, maika and blue whale are looking for the cerulean 

But then they meet some friends who are concerned for Towa (they are Komodo dragon and Tsuchinoko)

They are part of team “I’ll bite you”

Komodo might have a crush on Towa (her laugh proves it)

Moy moy sea cow and Mediterranean seal are here to help the team defeat the cerulean 

Ceruleans are trying to jam into the submarine to sink it

Komodo has dreams of her and Towa running along a white beach in the sun as they whisper their love for each other 

Side note look up info on Komodo Dragon in the future 

After defeating the ceruleans from outside the submarine they need to get rid of the ones inside the submarine 

They make it into the submarine 

Komodo is really into Towa

Blue whale is still best mom

Back with Lulu, she and Rabi Rabi, Okinawa Rail, Okinawan Habu meet Sen and Arma (refer to season 2)

Dromedary, wild Bactrian camel arrive at one of the ruin buildings

As they walk through the building they run into Moose. With the Kemo Courageous Spears Chivalric Order (impala, saiga antelope, Yezo Silka deer, blackbuck)

Blackbuck is extremely goth and poetic 

Together the group defeats the giant cerulean 

Takin is the chivalry groups informer

Lulu leaves to head back to the park central 

Back at the water restaurant white Rhino, Black Rhino, Hippo, gorgopus hippo, capybara, Baikal seal gather to defeat the cerulean 

They then meet PIP (PPP) and Tama

The cerulean is up high so they use their strength to throw white rhino to take out the cerulean 

The cerulean is defeated

The area is a mess so they decide to clean it up

Cleaning live concert

White Rhino runs back to park central 

Silver Fox is at the warehouse 

She finds Ezo Red Fox, Reindeer, Walrus, Mountain hare, arctic hare, European hare.

They find Ceruleans are hiding in the snow thanks to Grey Wolf and Japanese Wolf

Silver Fox uses her “Nose Better ZZ” goggles to see the ceruleans

The snow sculptures have collapsed 

Silver fox runs back to the team

I’ll carry out my duty until the very end. All right then, please take care

Serval and Towa are sitting in front of the castle, waiting for the others to take down the barrier 

Serval asks Towa what she should do.

It’s either get Servals specialness and save the park

But have Cerval vanish and disappear 

Or have Cerval live

And have the whole world wrapped in darkness 

B

Towa comforts Serval but just then the barrier to Kemono Castle falls and the team run in.

Inside Kemono Castle Cerval is face to face with Oinari sama herself

Oinari feels pity for Cerval, who wants to feel like a Friend to the residents of Japari Park but she is nothing but a puppet to the Queen.

Cerval tries to think like the Queen but she can’t 

At last the group comes face to face with Cerval herself and Oinari Sama

Cerval tries to attack but s barrier by the Queen prevents her

Towa and everyone has to protect Oinari from the upcoming Cerulean attack

The Queen has become too powerful that Oinari can’t defeat

Cerval escapes the barrier and heads to the Queen 

The voice of the Queen is heard

“The one you all call Cerval will be no more.”

“Once the “Special” is delivered to me she will become a mere Cerulean.”

“However, that’s only natural.”

“All Sparkles will eventually disappear. No matter how much you yearn they will never return to their former state.”

“However, we Ceruleans are preserved and restored forever.”

“Cerulean that have mastered evolution by way of Ultimate Cell Harmony can restore even lost Sparkles”

The Queen is trying to decieve the team

Oinari assays that there is still time to save Cerval from her fate

Oinari can’t stop her but the team can

Towa and the team head into the castle 

Along the way Mirai says how the voice of the Queen sounds close to Kako

She also looks like Kako by appearance 

Kako always wanted to see her dead parents one more time 

The Queen stole a sparkle of Kako san and that has no doubt caused her to remain unconscious 

The Queen is a thing that is the embodiment of the Cerulean menace 

......True despair is that which comes to those who appeared bearing hope......

From behind the door, there is an over surge of power

They at last come face to face with the Cerulean Queen herself

Cerval is still okay 

Cerulean Queen... ... You were born from Kako-san’s Sparkle, weren't you?

The Queen keeps repeating her voice from earlier 

The teams voice is unable to reach the Queen 

I'm confident that the Cellien Queen is the same way... ... The Celliens gather information in order to further their evolution, reconstruct themselves to increase their efficiency, then they just replay the memories... …

The Cerulean Queen strikes 

The Queen demands that Cerval give her the special sparkle

Let Cerval go!

Serval is unable to run to Cerval due to the Queens intimidation power 

But then Toki begins to sing and Serval could move again 

Lulu throws White Rhino into battle 

Silver Fox uses a cerulean destruction bomb

The rest of the team made it on time 

But there is not even a scratch on the Queen 

Eliminate all obstacles 

She's been touched directly by the Queen... ... because of that, she's become completely enslaved to the Queen. Half of the "special Sparkle" has likely already entered the Queen

Serval tried to reach out to Cerval as a Friend 

The Queen’s hold on Cerval begins to fade

Serval uses the special salt on her amulet to help set Cerval free

But Cerval has already accepted her fate of disappearing completely 

Cerval says goodbye 

Serval begins to cry as her Friend disappears

But then Margay appears on the monitor screen

She has something to cheer Serval up

It was a video of Cervals voice

Serval can still hear Cerval’s voice

Cerval is Servals Friend!

Serval eats the salt but too much causes her to pass out.

But Cerval wakes up calling out Serval’s name

Cervals body begins to sparkle till she changes shape

And finally becomes a Friend.

Cerval did the impossible and made a sparkle out of her love for her Friend Serval

Cerval is no longer under the Queens control

the small trace of Sparkle left inside of Cerval-san...it reacted to Serval-san's feelings and created a miracle... ...?

have already collected most of the “special Sparkle”. The procedure has only been changed to include the disposal of the mutant. The Queen wants to kill Cerval

Cerval thinks Serval died

Cerval is now part of the team

The Queen stole the Central Parks sparkle 

The central parks sparkle is what is preventing Cell Harmony 

The team is filled with determination to defeat the Queen and save the park

Serval in a tired state apologies to Towa about getting him involved to begin with. Thank you for being here.

The Queen is coming

Be careful vs Eliminate 

After the fight of a lifetime, the Queen is down

But then the Queen begins to evolve in front of them

Evolution... ... resonate... ...all of... ... the Cerulean... …

Reverberation... ... Cell Harmony. Carried... ... to the tuning fork, and spread to all of Japari Park.

The Queen launches Cell Harmony into Japari Park

But then it is suddenly launched back

all the Friends from the whole adventure are having fun, happy, and living the best life possible.

This creates a sparkle so powerful that it is overpowering the Queen. She cannot use Cell Harmony.

In a fit of pure hatred and rage the Queen transforms from her Kako appearance to an abomination of bloodlust that wants nothing more than all the Friends death

And finally the battle of a life time

The Queen is weakened and refuses to give up.

 “Evolution. Preservation of information. Regeneration. ---- The sparkle lost back then......... I want to see you again. I can see you again. Revival. Even if it's proven false, even then…”

The Queen finally pops and is revealed to be an actually small cerulean and it runs away in fear.

Oinari is okay and confirms that the battle is finally over. The Queen is defeated and peace is being restored 

Towa san, I offer you my thanks. I sensed that one in possession of a "Kemono Amulet" had appeared, and I thus tasked Silver Fox with keeping that person safe. Would you care to show me that amulet to me? I would like to know which beast led you to this place.

Towa hands over the amulet to Oinari 

Oinari encrust the amulet with her crest, giving it more power to protect Towa even more 

Serval thanks Towa for everything 

Silver fox cries at the feeling of being separated from Oinari but she denies it.

Towa, Serval, and all the Friends they made along the way go and play in park central.

Mirai diary 

And so, the Cerulean Queen was defeated, and the crisis which had come to Japari Park has passed.

Additionally, with Park Central freed from the Cerulean, the reconstruction towards reinstating it as the entrance to Japari Park once more can begin!

There's still a long, bumpy road ahead before Japari Park can officially reopen, but this a big step forward! Ah, right, and before I forget, there's one last piece of good news... …

I've received word from the hospital that Kako-san has woken up from her coma. She's been recovering quickly, and she should be reinstated as park staff soon!

... ... It's all thanks to Towa-san and all the others.

Ever since that day, more and more of the animals have been calling Towa things like "Park Director" or "Director- san".

Everyone must surely be hoping that Towa san will become the new Park Director of Japari Park.

In order for Japari Park to reopen properly, a new Park Director is necessary. I also feel like Towa san would be an appropriate pick for the job, myself!

Mirai is in the staff room. Finishing her diary entry. Towa walks in and talk about the preparation to the park.

Do you like animals?

Even if the Queen was defeated, the cerulean threat this lingers.

Mirai and Towa are now officially dating and holding hands as they head to the girls. They celebrate their victory with Mirai and Towa dancing the night away.

Let's eat some Japari Buns together! They're freshly made.

... ... ... ... Hey... Towa.

Ever since you and I met each other for the first time, we've gone through so much, and we've made lots of new memories together.

I got to make friends with Guide-san... I got to meet a lot of new friends... and I made one more very important friend!

We had a huge adventure that took us all the way, north to south! We ended up going a really long way, right?

But... there's a lot of Friends in Japari Park that we still haven't met yet!

Towa , let's always explore together from now on! It's a promise, okay!? Now, let’s go!

[quickeningheart]

Nine

     Alley muttered to herself and punched the button on the elevator, waiting for the lift to carry her up to another floor. This was the fifth ride she’d taken so far in search of the elusive Main Office, and her nerves were about shot. And it was totallyStoker’s fault. He’d had her so turned around that she’d taken off without remembering to grab the GPS out of Priscilla’s glove-box, thus leaving her to find her way to the Chicago Institute of Art and Design without so much as a road map to guide her.

    After two hours of battling downtown mid-afternoon traffic, getting turned around twice (once going the wrong way up a one-way street), stopping at three different convenience stores to ask for directions, she’d finally made it to the main campus located three miles outside of the actual city. Only to be faced with another conundrum: the campus really was huge. The four buildings on the campus were huge. And only one of them contained the offices where she was supposed to fill out the final papers to turn in for the start of her school year.

    On a whim, she’d picked the biggest building that was located the furthest from the gated entrance, which had thankfully been the right choice (according to the random student she’d asked in passing). But now that she was in the place she was supposed to be, she found herself confused and lost all over again. The large floor layout maps hanging on the walls by the elevators and escalators were proving less than useful. Big red dots with the words “You are here” graced every one, but the maps themselves were all wrong, and didn’t seem to match the actual floor plans at all. So no matter where Alley supposedly was, she couldn’t help feeling like she was supposed to be somewhere else altogether!

    The elevator dinged, the door slid open, and she stomped out of the lift and turned right … only to run headlong into a wall of books and poster tubes, hard enough to knock herself flat on her ass. There was a startled yelp from behind the book-wall as it promptly came tumbling down, scattering tomes and tubes all around her. And the tall, skinny man who’d been holding them blinked owlishly at her from the wire-framed glasses that had been knocked askew on his nose.

    “I am so sorry!” Alley cried, scrambling to her knees to help pick up the scattered books. Her entire body was flaming with mortification. “I wasn’t looking and I knocked into you and I am just so sorry,” she babbled.

    “No worries,” the man grunted, getting to his feet. “I wasn’t exactly looking where I was going, either. What with the books blocking my view and all.” He offered a crooked grin, soft gray eyes smiling down at her through an unkempt mop of sandy brown curls. “You okay?” He offered a hand to help her up, which she gratefully accepted. “No broken bones or anything?”

    “Nah, I’m fine. How about you?” she replied. “I hit you pretty hard.”

    “Oh, don’t worry about him. He’s used to being knocked on his ass by girls.”

     The man heaved a long-suffering sigh, rolling his eyes as a woman dressed all in purple and black joined them. She smirked at him and kicked a poster tube out of her way with a well-worn engineer boot. “This your new method for picking up women? Play the injured puppy and get them cooing and drooling all over you in sympathy?” she teased.

    “Don’t you have some kittens to eat or something?’

    “I upgraded my diet to pig hearts this week. More protein.”

    Alley watched the two of them banter, fascinated. They were as different as two people could be. If she had to put a title, he was classic preppy nerd while the girl was clearly the punk-goth type. In normal society, these two would hardly take time to look at each other, much less interact like … well, a lot like her and Charley did, actually.

    “Are you two related by chance?” she blurted, and felt herself blushing all over again when the pair stopped talking and turned to face her. Goth Chic had gray eyes, too, she noted, heavily made up with dark shadow and liner. And she suspected that under the cherry-red hair dye, the girl’s natural hair color was also brown.

    “You’re good,” Goth Chic commented. “Most people don’t figure it out on the first try. You must have an annoying brother, too.”

    “I’m an only child, actually. But my cousin and I get along pretty much the same way,” Alley explained. “So, you’re siblings?”

    “Yeah, we’re twins. Can’t you tell?” Goth Chic’s voice was so bland, Alley couldn’t tell if she was joking or not.

    Preppy rolled his eyes and smacked his sister across the head. “What the birth defect means to say is her name is Constance Archer. And I’m Christopher.”

    “Call me Chex,” the girl put in. “If you call me Constance or Connie, I'll be forced to kill you. You can call him the Mutant Hobbit.” Another smack over the head from said Hobbit. “Okay, fine, call him Chris.”

    Alley laughed. “Alley Davidson,” she said. “Freshly relocated from Florida. And you’re from?”

    “Oh, we’re born-and-bred Illinoisans,” Christopher replied with a grin. “Chi-town residents for the past ten years. A little town called Penbrooke before that.”

    “They call it a town, but it’s more like a speck of dirt on a map. You know, the kind you try and scratch off with your fingernail.” Chex demonstrated by scratching the air with a black-painted nail. "Oh, speaking of maps, I probably should tell you, the maps on the walls? They’ve been switched around.”

    Alley’s brow furrowed. “Switched?”

    “Yeah.” Chris nodded at the map behind them. “That one says Atrium floor, but the Atrium is actually in another building. This is the Hospic floor. Who knows where that map ended up.”

    Alley’s jaw dropped. “No wonder I can't figure out where I am!” she huffed. “What morons went and switched the maps?”

    “Just some prank from the senior students,” Chex said with a shrug. “The frat houses tend to pull crazy shit like this to confuse the hell out of the newbies. Congrats. You can consider yourself officially initiated. Welcome to college. Just like high school, but with a lot more drinking.”

     ~*~*~*~*~

   After picking up the rest of the books, the twins guided Alley to the correct office located on the first floor in the back of the building. They seemed to know their way around the place pretty well, and when Christopher told her why, she was astonished. “Your father is the dean?” she repeated.

    “Yeah, but don’t hold it against us,” Chex deadpanned. “We can’t help who we were born to.”

    “So you know this place pretty well, huh?”

    “We’ve been running around these buildings since we were kids. I always wanted to attend school here,” Chris told her. “My sister is here because her other option was Military boot camp, but the food is better here.”

    “Ah.” Alley grinned. “That would be those pig hearts you mentioned?”

    “And let us not forget the kittens,” Chex added. “So, what’re you majoring in?”

    “Well, because my parents absolutely insisted on me picking something I can make a real career out of, my major is graphic design. But since I’m not sure if that’s what I actually want to do, I’m minoring in creative writing and music composition, and looking into a few possible art courses for next semester.”

    “Sweet. Another writer type. I dig it.” Chex offered a high-five, but hastily reconsidered when she nearly dropped her armload of books. “What’s your preference? Novels? Poetry? Essays?”

    “Well, I don’t really know,” Alley admitted. “I’ve mostly kept journals and stuff, and I’ve written some song lyrics here and there, a few poems. But since I’ve never actually let anyone read any of it, I don’t know if they’re any good or not.”

    “You write music?” Chris asked.

    “Sort of. I didn’t take a lot of music classes in high school, but I do know my basics. I took piano lessons for eight years. I’m in the beginning course for music composition. I think it’d be fun to try writing my own songs.”

    “Do you sing, too?” he asked hopefully.

    “What’s with the twenty questions?” Chex nudged her brother. “Trying to recruit her for your little band?”

    Alley raised her eyebrows. “You’re in a band?”

    She must’ve sounded skeptical, because he drew himself up, looking a little wounded. “It’s nothing spectacular, just a garage band I put together back in high school, but we get decent gigs on weekends and stuff,” he replied. “It’s a lot of fun. Hang out, play good music. Get paid for it, even. Since we graduated, though, some of the members have left. The drummer headed to Oxford and our female lead singer is attending Juilliard. We’ve still got our bass and guitar players, and I sing and play the keyboard.”

    “That’s cool,” Alley said.

    “We’ll probably hold auditions for another keyboard player and singer once classes start. See if we can get some interest. It’d be great to keep the band going, if we can.”

    Chex cupped a hand to her mouth and added in a stage-whisper, “That’s a hint for you to show up and sing.”

    Chris mimicked the move. “She’s just mad ‘cause we won’t let her join. She can’t hold a note to save her life.”

    “Butthead.”

    “Birth defect.”

    “Awww, you guys love each other so much,” Alley teased. “Almost makes me wish I had a brother, too.”

    “Don’t. You’re better off,” Chex said blandly.

    Alley laughed. “So what’re you majoring in, Chex? You like writing, too?”

    “Connie has wanted to be a professional writer since she was old enough to pick up a pencil,” Chris said with a roll of his eyes. “Don’t get her started on the subject or you’ll never get her to shut up again.”

    “Don’t mind him.” Chex pulled a face at her brother. “ His ultimate goal in life is to be our dad’s personal Mini-Me. He fully plans to take over the position of dean when Pops retires.”

    “That’s not set in stone,” Chris muttered, blushing a little. “But it’s sort of a position that’s been passed down in the family since the school was founded. As the oldest son—”

    “As the only son,” she cut in with a snort.

    Chris shot her a brief glare before turning his attention back to Alley. “Our family founded this school,” he explained. "We don’t own it, per se, but it’s always been the Archer sons who have taken the position of dean.”

    “It’s got something to do with the founding father’s will or some sort of legal shit like that,” Chex put in, waving a dismissive hand. “Even though there’s a board of directors and all sorts of officials these days, they can’t kick an Archer son out of the position, unless he willingly steps down.”

    “So, when Dad retires, I’ll be taking over as the dean,” Chris finished.

    “Wow. That’s kind of nice, knowing you’ve got a career path all planned out for you.” Alley pursed her lips, considering. “Unless … you don’t want to be the dean? Then I guess it’d be kind of a pain in the ass.”

    “No, I’m willing to step into the position, but it’ll be after Dad retires, and since he’s only in his forties, that won’t be happening for awhile.”

    “So, what do you plan to do with yourself in the meantime?”

    “I’m majoring in musical composition, the advanced classes. I’d like a career in music. Maybe become a pianist, or even a teacher. It’d be kind of fun to teach classes here, actually.”

    Chex snorted. “In case you haven’t figured it out yet, my brother really loves this school.”

    “Oh, like you’re one to talk.”

    Alley grinned as she listened to the twins’ bickering, which only ended when they finally reached their destination. “The offices are right through here," Chris announced, pushing open a set of swinging doors to reveal a posh waiting room.

    “The dean’s office technically closes at five,” Chex said, “but being his kids gives us certain advantages.” She flashed a cheeky smile at the secretary and sauntered down the short hallway as if she owned the place, stopping before a closed door. “Hey, Pops, you in?” she called.

    “C'mon in,” came a deep voice from the other side. Chex pushed the door ope and stepped into a large, richly furnished office with Chris and Alley bringing up the rear. “Got those books and posters you wanted,” she grunted, dumping her armload onto the mahogany desk. The dark-haired man on the other side glanced up from his ledger, gray eyes crinkling with a smile.

    “Thanks, kids.” His eyes fell on Alley. “I’m sorry, young lady, the office is closed now.”

    “Um,” Alley began, but Chris hastily stepped in. “She’s with us,” he explained. “She got lost trying to get here because someone went and switched all the floor maps on the walls.”

    “Again?” Mr. Archer rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Didn’t we just go through that last year?”

    “Better up the security, Pops.” Chex took her brother's armload of books and unceremoniously dumped them into an empty armchair. “Tricky bastards, those seniors.”

    “Language, Constance,” the dean sighed.

    “Sorry, Sir.” She didn't sound sorry at all.

    “Alley has some more papers she needed to sign. Think she could do that real quick? After all the trouble she had getting here and all…” Chris prodded.

    “Sure, sure. Have Mary pull the file. Alley, was it? You can sit at the table out there and finish what you need. I just ask that you be done by six thirty. That’s when Mary has to leave.”

    “Oh, that’ll be plenty of time. Thank you, Sir,” Alley replied gratefully, placing the poster tubes she was holding on the chair beside the books. She stood awkwardly, wondering if she should bow or curtsy or something, and settled for a polite nod as she turned to follow Chex back to the waiting area.

     ~*~*~*~*~

    Half an hour later, Alley was on the final paper, filling in her new address. She jotted Charley’s house phone down as a temporary number until she could buy a cell phone. She considered who to put as the emergency contact. Her parents were on the other side of the States, so they were out. Charley was the only person she knew in this city, aside from the mice, but she could hardly use their names. She wasn’t sure if they even used phones. Probably best to leave it blank for the moment. She could always fill it later.

    She glanced at the twins, who had for whatever reason decided to stick around; Chris had made himself comfortable in an armchair, absorbed in a well-worn copy of what looked like a science fiction novel.

    Chex lounged on a loveseat with her long black-and-purple-striped legs resting against the back of the couch and her bright red hair brushing the ground. She didn’t seem to care that her short, black-lace tutu skirt had ridden up her waist and now rested in a frothy pile on her stomach. Or that her upside-down face was slowly turning the same shade as her hair as her booted feet danced in the air, keeping time to whatever song was playing on her iPod. She completely ignored the disapproving glances both Mary and her brother kept tossing at her; if anything, they only seemed to encourage her as she drummed the air with her purple-gloved hands, body squirming as she danced on her back. Alley found herself grinning, wondering if she could convince Chex to come shopping with her for a new phone that week. She had a feeling that, despite their very different appearances, the two of them would get along swimmingly.

   A disturbance from the front of the waiting area caught her attention, and she looked toward the front desk, where three men had entered the doors and were casually strolling toward them, ignoring Mary’s frantic attempts to stop them.

    “Aw, shit,” Chex swore softly. “The Purple People Eater’s back.” She quickly flipped herself around and patted down her skirt, snatched a photography magazine off a nearby rack and hastily flipped it open. She didn’t seem to notice it was upside-down. “Keep your head down,” she hissed to Alley. “Don’t look at ‘em, don’t draw attention to yourself, and whatever you do, hold your breath. ”

    “Hold my—bwoaaarph,” Alley gagged as a most awful stench suddenly hit her like a brick to the face. She choked, one hand coming up to pinch her nose shut as she ducked her head, staring through tearing eyes at the forms in front of her. The three men passed them, and she dared to glance up for a better look, then did a triple-take. Purple People Eater was right! He was the largest man she’d ever seen. And he was dressed in the most glaringly purple pinstriped suit her eyeballs had ever had the misfortune to encounter. His greasy black hair was slicked back in some semblance of a coif and he carried a cane in one white-gloved hand. All he needed was a Tommy Gun and he’d be the epitome of the classic 1940s mob boss.

    He noticed her staring, gave her a cold smile that sent a chill shivering up her spine, and sauntered down the short hallway to Mr. Archer’s office. The two henchmen following him, looking more like typical thugs on a street corner than anything, didn’t even glance her way. She watched them go, wondering why in the world she felt like she’d seen him before.

    As soon as the office door opened and shut, Alley released her breath and gasped for air for a moment. “Holy hell,” she hissed. “Did somebody drop that guy into the Bog of Eternal Stench?”

    Chex burst out laughing and reached over to slug her brother in the arm. “See? I told you I wasn’t the only person in the world who watches Labyrinth!”

    “Well, we all must have some flaws,” Chris sniffed, shutting his book.

   “Says the guy reading The Man Who Fell to Earth for the umpteenth time.”

    “It’s a classic book!”

    “And Labyrinth is a classic movie!"

    “Guys!” Alley snapped her fingers to get their attention. “Focus. Who was that?”

    “Trouble,” Chris grumbled. “He’s been coming around lately. Dad says he’s been trying to convince him to sell him the school or something. He wants the land around it.”

    “Yeah, he seems to have it in his head that Pops owns the place and has the legal authority to sell out, or can convince the board members to sell out, or something. I dunno, the guy’s a nutball.” Chex circled her temple with a finger.

    “Well … hasn’t anyone called the cops on him or something?”

    “Won’t do any good.” Chris ran his fingers through his tousled curls, mussing them even further. “His thugs are there for show, but he hasn’t actually gotten violent or anything so they can’t toss his fat ass out. Dad wouldn’t, anyway. He prefers to keep the peace and try and talk things out.”

    “Yeah, he’s stupid like that,” Chex muttered, earning a glare from her twin.

    “Besides, we think he sort of owns the police. He lines their pockets and all.” Chris rubbed his fingers together.

    “He’s got some weird-ass cheese name,” Chex added. “Like, it really fits him, though.” She glanced at her brother. “What was it? Muenster? Pepperjack?”

    “Limburger,” Alley said quietly, as it abruptly hit her where she’d seen him before. In Throttle’s memories. “That’s Lawrence Limburger.”

    “Yeah! That’s it!” Chex laughed. “Smelly cheese for a really smelly guy!”

    “How often does he stop by?” Alley asked.

    “I dunno. He started coming around about two months ago. Once or twice a week, I guess. No big deal, really.”

    “No, listen, this is a big deal.” Alley shook her head. “That guy, he’s dangerous. He’s—” She stopped, struggling to think up a way to explain how dangerous. She doubted the truth would get her anywhere but locked up in a nuthouse. “He’s mafia,” she finally blurted. “He’s a boss in the mafia, and he’s buying up property all over the state to strip-mine it. He seems focused primarily on Chicago, though. My cousin, Charley? She’s been harassed by Limburger for years, trying to buy out her garage, or take it by force. She’s managed to resist, but only ‘cause she’s got some good friends helping her out. If it wasn’t for them, she’d be out of business by now. Possibly worse. He has gotten violent with her in the past. If something isn’t done to stop him, he’ll start using force to get what he wants here, too. Trust me on this, okay? I believe my cousin.”

    The twins stared at her, wide-eyed. Even Mary had stopped what she was doing to listen.

    “But, when he first showed up, Pops called the cops on him, and they didn’t do anything,” Chex finally said. “I mean, they said they couldn’t do anything.”

    “Never mind that he was legally trespassing, showing up after-hours without an appointment and even making veiled threats,” Chris added. “That’s why we figured he’s got the police in his pocket. They could’ve done something otherwise.”

    Alley chewed on her lower lip. “I gotta get back,” she decided. “I’ve been gone too long, anyhow. Charley needs her truck back, and I want to talk to the guys about this. Her friends, I mean. They can probably help, and the cops never even need to know.” She gathered the paperwork and slid it back into the folder, taking it to Mary.

    “You two should get yourselves home,” the secretary told the twins. “Don’t worry, I’ll stay and make sure Mr. Archer gets out safely. I’ll call security in to escort him if I have to.” She took the file from Alley and nodded. “Welcome to the Institute, Miss Davidson. I hope you’ll enjoy yourself here.”

    Alley flashed her a weak smile. “Well, can’t say it won’t be interesting, at least.”

Next

[vio1315]

Copy and pasting what I sent to my friend this morning about a dream I had

(Took me 50 minutes to write apparently ha)

” I had a dream with you, oh myy goodness. It was so stupid detailed So I got a call from the job who fired me and they were willing to rehire me, and you decided to ?? Come with me ?? or something (I don't remember what you wanted to do) But you could drive so we were going separate, and I was right behind you all the wway sown [road near my home]. We had a lot of times where we could have separated or passed, but chose not to and had a good time. [It was summer?? There were palm trees??] (Your car could jump like in Mario Kart despite being a real car, and you kept doing it and I got upset cuz I didn't want you to get pulled over) We stopped at a mall and watched a movie in the theater. I don't remember tons about that, but we used a vending machine afterwards, and there was something important about it. So we continue down [That road], but it's entirely wooded and not at all developed, except for this one building. (Irl it's a little past Taco Bell) And we stop there. I check my phone and see that it's 3PM and I was supposed to be there at 8am. You feel bad but I'm like 'nah, I'll tell them I thought they told me to come in tomorrow?' Even though they didn't even text/call. (At one point I say 'I'll say I thought they meant Renaissance, not medival' to express this

so I ask you if you want to go to the gas station because it has a Taco Bell in it (this was vivid. I had my arm propped up on the pole to the overhang, and was resting my forehead in the crook of it while thinking) And you felt bad for me and were just 'No...' You mentioned that the gas station didn't used to be there like even a month ago, let alone a Subway, it was all woods. And I was like 'weird, I ate at this Subway a bit ago' (and I actually did earlier in the dream, but that's all I remember) (Yeah the dream only called it a Taco Bell once, but it was Subway the rest of the time. Not just in name onl either) And you went to your job interview inside. At this point in time, idk who interviewed you, but it was an?? Animal? But pokemon ish Def legendary vibes (And it cut away to Doug an Scott Walker and us eating at a Subwaay and it was the best thing we'd ever experienced? And it was the Taco Bell gas station, but Subway now and in the middle of a beautiful town. My mom mentioned that there was no Subway there, but she was in our living room, and I don't know if it was even a phonecall or not)

Anyways, so they tell you they wanna hire you like right then and there, and so you start training. There's one other girl with you in the gas station in the Subway segment. It has a few desks and chairs, and the legendary has a teachers pointer while a video plays on an old TV which is mounted above where the Subway and gas station connect. (The Subway has Nothing, no signs/decoration/food, and the gas station does have shelves but they are all empty. Nobody is at eiither but you three. But it's so glossed over I didn't nnotice in dream. Though "I" was still outside.) And you're shown an overhead map of the gas station with surounding woods on  the TV, and its pointed to, and explained that long ago there was a ?? fire or something which destroyed the front of the store (I forget this part exactly) but then not long after a nuke was dropped on it, so the whole building was wiped out, and the surrounding forest took over again before they rebuilt. (The map kept up to date with all this ye) 

WHile this was being explained, irl me/narrator me vaguely wondered at the importance of this kind of training, ultimately deciding it was useful to know the place you work fors history, in case a customer has questions.So you have the job and the legendary just ?? Adopts you. I don't remember how it was decided, or if you had a choice, but you were happy about it. Outside I was stressing about commission stuff and how to balance it with the new-old job, assuming I kept it after such a day 1 blunder. 

Your new mom starts showing you around the house which has replaced the Subway, but also hasn't. Because at one point we're like 'when did this gas station get stain glass windows?' and the two slowly morphed, or grew from each other. It is still refered to as a Subway after this, and /sometimes/ the inside is still the empty Subway. But you follow your new mom outside and around the now cathedral-y building and up some new stairs which lead to a deck and back inside. I'm reflecting on how I even ate at this Subway when it didn't exist a month ago. (I think this happened during training but I forget. They let you and the girl (and I was there for this bit) decide on a logo for the Subway, since they are renting it and so can decide their own details)

And so we're all discussing it, but legendary-mom is like 'no you're right, we have to go in a new direction' and I predicted th one she'd pick, because I swore I saw it at the Subway I ate at back when it wasn't supposed to exist, and I was right, she picked that logo. Dream me is very suspicous. 

 Anyways so you go up the stairs and are shown around. You meet the dad and two other ??? people??? who will be your siblings. Everyone's really cool. You come tell me goodbye, and I'm happy for you, and we discuss life plans and our next meetup a bit. I seem to realize that lying is a sin, so I can't tell my employer I got the day wrong, and I decide to pray about what to do, thinking I'll be fired again. So I leave conflicted. 

You go back with your new family and take pictures of the outside of the place at your new brothers request. You notice the lights turn on inside as it gets darker, and this spooks you for some reason. It's all stain glass though so it looks cool. You see your sibs walking in the hall, casting shadows. The mom says something that you hear. Eventually you decide it's too dark to keep taking pictures and go inside. 

When you do there's a giant glowy portal which looks like a Halloweentown effect kind of. Red is the dominant color though. A giant creature comes out which looks mildly like the X legendary [Xerneas], but real, plain horns and more realistic legs. (But it's blue and glowy and impressive feeling. The horns especially /feel/ glowy. As the lighting gets more intense, they especially look red) Honestly the visuals get crazy weird and reminds me of Thumper a bit.

I think this startles you and you think you're being chased or ?? Anyways you get spooked and skedaddle. I forget how, but you realize there were 3 possible ways to get to that scene, and somehow you're able to play another, where instead of going throgh the front to an interview, you go to the back door where you get adopted faster and so get to bond more with your siblings before this. I forget the bonding scenes but they were really good and you ended up liking them a lot by the time you were done. 

So you're back at the scene where this creature jumps out at you, but this time you notice something off, and see your adoptive mom hanging out, who by now looks veery like this new creature. And you're a little confused, but then you see the creature coming again, but this time it has subtitles, and you realize you're lookin at a TV screen, and you keep trying to look at your new family who is by you, trying to convince you it's Really Real despite how they don't know how to turn off the subtitles. (This all has a playful mood now, like a 7 year old failing at a prank) 

You realize your dad looks a lot like the creature but smaller, and so figure out it's just been them basically. It then cuts to you going to sleep at this new house, and despite its size, you're laying on the ground by the bedroom door (there is a bed right next to you. This whole room, bed included is pink. It has some bows on it) Your new brother is laying by you, and in between you is a tiny doll cradle. In the cradle is an egg the size of your head, pink, and with an actual face. This is your mom. Dream decided this is just who she is now.

You guys discuss stuff but I forget what. You deecide you like being adopted though and are happy. You leave the room, and it plays the scene with the giant creature even though you're not over there, but you notice puppet strings now, and soon it's a photorealistic muppet show (none of my dreams have a realistic aethstetic, they usually appear at least a little bit drawn, so this is especially weird looking. All the muppets are giant) You watch, kind of acting in on it by now, like you get what this is. You figured it out. 

It cuts to a sun mascot who laughs at a groaning audience, as this audience also figured it out. He laughs a really dumb kids show laugh and is like 'don't be mad at us! Now you can rewatch and look for clues!' [I swear to you it’s the Raisin Bran mascot]

Then it cuts to me, Doug and Scott Walker outside of the town-Subway we were in earlier. We're walking around the back. We were discussing how amazing that Subway was, and how it was the best food we'd had in our lives, but now we see the whole town was a computer 3D model (shown by seeing it unrendered on a computer. [a really oldschool computer too] Forget if it appeared that way irl or not while we were walking around it) 

Scott is kindaa laughing but goes 'DANG IT! That was all from my mind! That's why it was so good!' And we all have a good laugh. And that's about where the dream ends

There was the stuff that came before which is majorly blurry. Basically I was following my dad around at a party, and I'd see some woman who was gonna try to stab someone, and I would jump in to stop them way before they could do any harm, and my dad never noticed, though I sometimes needed help 

A lot of times I was a cat at these times, and thinking back to these human memories, in order to help me know how to take down evil cats for my clan (very warrior cats)

Oh yeah, the dream ended with my sitting by a car repair, studying the logo (which I thought sucked) and stressing about going back to the job

[kgstyr]

So if y’all for some reason want to hear about my Hurricane Florence story, then you’ve come to the right place. I raveled with my mother and eldest sister on our evacuation journey, while my sister and her husband and kid stayed home.

I’ll put it under a read more if you don’t want to read all of it, but just know it was a wild ride. And plz do me a forgive bc my memory is kinda shitty and selective so im prob missing great moments.

We left on the September 13th a little after 10 in the morning, but before we had even left, the outer bands of Florence were bearing down on us and we had already lost power.

We rode through the town of Swansboro, were the water was already high enough to lap the bottom of the tiny bridge into the town (even tho its low to begin with) even tho it wasn’t going to make landfall til the next morning.

/Now for all of you who don’t know about hurricanes, they usually only last 24-36 hours. It lasted for over 4 days. When hurricanes linger like that, it only makes it worse, even though Florence was only a category 1, it felt more powerful./

We kept driving, past Jacksonville, but until we got past there, I can’t tell you how many times the radio went off for Tornado Warnings (at least 4) up and down the coast of NC within an hour or so. I’ve been through a number of Hurricanes and Tropical Storms, but hearing all those warnings were a bit unnerving. Flood warnings started popping up as well, and as hard as it started raining I believed it happened that fast.

We drove up there pretty much without incident (we are direction illiterate, so almost without incident) up to the city of Pinehurst/Southern Pines, and stayed up in a hotel there for about 3 days. The first day was p good, we chilled up there- the drivers were aggressive as FUCK like run you off the road- it was real pretty with tall Carolina Pines and worldstar golf courses, just like country club on steroids.

The bed was kinda uncomfy and the window leaked a lil bit, but otherwise the first night was a good rest after a long day of driving.

But the next morning (or two, days get away from me), we went to the lobby to rent the room for another night, only for them to tell us that they had booked our room that day, so we had to leave. We were mad as hell, but we couldn't fight it given as we were in unknown territory, so we packed up our stuff and got ready to leave- only to tell us that they had gotten mixed up and that we could stay another night.

Needless to say, we were not happy about having to unpack, then repack, then unpack again.

When they said Florence was slow moving, y’all don’t understand how slow. usually, when hurricanes hit land, they may slow down for a bit, but they speed up and are usually carried out by the jet streams or approaching fronts within a day. It moved slower than 6 mph: ppl can walk faster than that.

The second day, it started raining where we were, and at first it was sporadic outer bands, but soon it become constant with fluctuating torrential downpours. By the end of the second day, the rains and wind had picked up enough to knock out the power to out hotel for an hour or so.

And the same thing happened with the hotel the next morning: they said they had booked our room, but then apologized and said that we can stay. This time at least we didn’t pack up before that.

Now, we went up to the Sandhills to get away from the flooding on the coast, but it came to us. The rain was pouring, and not letting up, and we went under a flash flood emergency nearly continuously from the second day onward, and evacuations across the county were in effect. After the third or fourth day, we decided to leave the area bc all of the water that was rising and evacuations.

After we had left the hotel area, we passed the town of Aberdeen, and we ended up pulling over at a gas station to look at the map (remember: direction illiterate family here) and that’s when I told my mother the famous line

“We should go back to Aberdeen, Mama.” Saying that we knew our way back home

But she decided not to, saying that we couldn’t go back because of the weather. We tried to travel south a lil bit to skirt around an area that was flooded, but we ended up getting pushed down way father south than we anticipated due to impassable areas and flooding, and we ended up on the outskirts of Rockingham. After riding around for hours, trying to find a way out, we ended up at a shelter for the night at the local high school because conditions had deteriorated to an unsafe level, and we were directed by some very nice highway patrolmen to where the shelter is.

None of us had even stayed in a shelter before, so it was a new experience for all of us. The people running the place were nice, but damn some of the ppl were annoying.

I now hate cots, and my Mama and sister hate them too. I really couldn’t sleep on it b/c of the steel rods in my back (scoliosis) and Mama has bad arthritis, so it wasn’t a pleasant night.

It got worse when Rockingham and the county started experiencing massive flash flooding in the middle of the night, and we were up half the night listening to the weather and keeping an eye out just in case we need to evacuate from the shelter. It became a lil more nerve-wracking when evacuees from other counties (like Horry, SC) were transported to our shelter. It was semi- peaceful at the shelter til like 10 other people were brought in.

I had said this several times by this point, but while we were trying to rest on horrid cots, I told Mama: “We’ve should’ve gone back to Aberdeen.”

Long night short, we were semi- kicked out in the morning, and we packed up our stuff and loaded up the car again, having made a soft plan the night before to head to the next town of Hamlet.

We were so tired and fed up and ready to go the hell home that when the car didn’t start, we all started hardcore panicking, and me and my mama, at least, are not panicky people. At first, we thought the car had gotten flooded from all the rain, but after a quick look around we concluded that that was not it, unless someone had just poured a bucket of water on our engine.

After several minutes of pulling each other’s hair out, we found out that the car just needed some oil. Either the long ride up the Sandhills had burned it all and we had rolled it in on fumes last night, or my sister didn’t exactly tell the truth when she said the car was fully oiled up.

Probably both, but that’s not the point (she is a special gurl no hate plz she tries her best).

After that, we stopped at the nearest Burger King in Hamlet and we tried to plot a course home, this time, trying to shoot straight up towards Asheboro and then going around Raleigh and coming home, because by this point other ppl from my hometown that had evacuated to Raleigh had come home from that route.

We left about 11:30-ish. We got as close to Asheboro as the city of Candor (google map it im bad at distance) and then got stuck on this loop for hours between Rockingham and Asheboro.

Literally at least 6 hours. A good chunk of that was trying to get to a town called Candor. We never found it nor made it.

At this point we were all at our wits end, screaming and yelling at each other (out of love ofc) because we are all so bad at directions that we can’t follow a straight line-

We stopped for dinner at somewhere, I can’t remember where, I think at Rockingham again, and then-

“We should go back to Aberdeen.” I say, and Mama laughs and asks why in hell we should go back. I told her that we had stayed in that area for multiple days and that I knew where the hotels in that area (Aberdeen, Pinehurst, Southern Pines, etc.) were-

It was nearly 6, and we were tired and exhausted and running low on money, so Mama agreed, because she didn’t want to spend another night in a shelter.

And, like I said, we couldn’t turn onto a straight line, so we got lost trying to find a hotel, but by a stroke of a lucky piece of my memory, I remembered where a Holiday Inn Express was in the city of Southern Pines, and we managed to find out way there in a darker-than-expected city. 

It was about 8:30 at night, and we were ready to just fucking perish when me and my sister went into the lobby, and asked the front manager if a room was available.

She said no, because a large part of the city had lost power itself and everybody in the town had crowded into the hotels. I felt my stomach drop just a tiny amount because we had been through direction illiterate hell to get there, just to not have a room for the night.

We asked her if there was any other hotel with a vacancy, and she checked and told us the nearest vacancy was in Durham, well over a hundred miles away. My sister, ever the conversationalist, ended up asking her if there was any way we could just crash in the lobby tonight. She said sure. So, we went out to tell Mama that we could stay in the lobby, and we got what we needed for the night to rest in the lobby.

We fully expected to be in the lobby all night, but then the desk lad left for a bit and told us that even though she wasn’t a housekeeper, she could clean a recently vacated room for us that night. We even got it for cheaper since we couldn’t afford the full price.

Lemme tell you, that was the quickest I’ve ever fallen asleep on a bed, and it was a gucci pillowtop bed too like 4 feet into the air, much better than the first hotel. Breakfast was a bit sparse, but that was understandable since power was limited throughout the city. We thanked her repeatedly for what she did; she had no obligation to actually get us a room, but she pulled a rabbit out of her Miracle Hat and gave us a good 8 hour night of deep sleep.

“See?” I said. “We should’ve gone back to Aberdeen.” My new favorite meme. Even though it was the next town over, it still counts as Aberdeen, right?

Over breakfast and leading up to our checkout time, we plotted our way home, and we headed out and started driving home at noon. And since we can’t follow our own directions, it was a tense few 10 miles or so before we got out onto open highway.

It took us a while, because our car is an older car and can’t get up the Sandhills that well, but we started seeing flatter land, and it was a blessed sight.

Mama saw a sign for the city of Benson, and she turned off the exit to go towards that city because she knew her way home from there.

Except like 300 feet from where she turned, the right front tire blew out. WE were nearly halfway home, and our fucking tire blows out. At the very least, I am thankful that it blew out 300 feet onto the exit and not 300 feet back, because if it had blown out on the Interstate we would’ve more than likely have crashed and killed bc no modern safety features on this old piece of beautiful junk.

We managed to roll it into a gas station on the left on the rim, the tire pushed inward and leaving the metal exposed, and that’s when we all had a coming to Jesus moment because back in Rockingham? Filling up the oil was a simple fix. Tire blowing out? We couldn’t do that on our own.

My sister went into the gas station to ask the clerk to call a nearby mechanic, while me and mama refilled our snacks then sat outside on a patio while we waited. Not 15 minutes later, an old, hunchbacked man came into an old, black truck that looked like it needed some repairs itself to check our tires.

Thank goodness that it was only hat one tire than had blowed out, having somehow been slashed all the way around. My sister, the socialite, told him about our harrowing journey up til that point, and I’m sure he could see the complimentary American Red Cross blankets strewn across the backseat along with everything else.

He only charged $40 for a used tire, a bad lugnut, and labor, which was amazingly cheap. He would only take $40, and he did a pretty damn good job because the ride was much smoother after that, and he even pointed out that the tires were misaligned. We got back on the highway, and started driving again.

The hills had started to flatten out when we got into Wayne county, and the trip was winding and calming down from all of our experiences earlier, but then we started to see signs of actual damage from Florence, not just rain and flooded roads.

It started out as just some snapped tree limbs, then smaller trees, then shingles and metal ripped off roofs and large trees snapped in half- and the smell- if you’ve ever smelt like, water mold or water that wasn’t were it was supposed to be (out of its basin), it was rancid and ripe, and not even rolling up the windows could keep it out of the air. I’ll never forget the smells.

The road was brown along lower areas, signs of recent standing water, and it was really visible as we went by Goldsboro. We didn’t go into the city because we had heard about the flooding, but we could literally smell the destruction.

It continued all the way thru Kinston, the smell of water mold and downed trees and damaged structures- we had to stop in New Bern to get some groceries because there were no more stores open after that stop to our city, and we went into a Food Lion in New Bern. There wasn’t much in there, but we got a few Pepsis and things, along with a tiny styrofoam cooler.

There prices were a little high, so we didn’t buy as much as we had planned on- plus their store was getting rather bare.

Someone stole a bottle of alcohol while we were in there, and that made us get the heck out of dodge super fast. Around that time, we had been passed by a fleet of 21 police cars/ SUVS heading towards New Bern and past it, lights on but no sirens.

We saw a few scattered in New Bern, Havelock, Newport- to stop the rioting and looting from earlier from happening again. When the news says people are looting these cities, they really are. New Bern had a lot of side roads closed, the road was a bit raggedy, and you could see what the constant winds did to the siding and roofs of structures.

Also I think one of those cops caught a guy we saw deliberately run a red light. Justice does work, people.

New Bern was bad, Havelock was worse. Nearly all of their side roads were closed, and over half of their street lights were off, which was not good for driving at like 10 at night. We saw cops lining a side street, and we just assumed that they were doing criminal shenanigans down there.

Plus I forgot to mention, frogs were everywhere. It was too dark to see them, but you could hear them for several counties in standing water. They were having frog orgies, I guess.

We knew the Newport River in Newport had flooded, so when the smell of river flooding was ripe, we knew where we were at. A lot more trees were down, and the road was dirty and brown with tree branches brushed to the middle lane or the side of the road, from what we could see in the dark.

My city  looked like someone took a fucking AOE chainsaw and went down the street and cut all the trees but with bad aim. The closer to the waterfront, the more it was obvious that there was damage, as quite a number of houses had gaping homes in their roofs.

The sister that stayed told us that the day after the storm, it looked like a bomb went off in the city, and even though they had gotten the worse of it off the roads and stuff by the time we got back, I believe that. The structures along the waterfront were flooded with the storm surge, and the cites across the Sound bore the brunt of it.

The power came back on for us just a few hours before we arrived home after 5 days of being gone, so it seems like we have perfect timing for that. Before the power started coming back on, it was like the county was a third world country Africa-style (still kinda is!) with the roads flooded making them cutoff from the outside world.

When people say they need donations, they need them. I’ve never had to go into a church to get a hot meal, but now I have. I’ve never slept in a shelter to get away from a natural disaster, but now I have. I’ve never gone to a store to scrounge around for food to restock our nearly empty shelves with, but now I have.

We didn’t get it nearly as bad as Wilmington, or Fayetteville, or Lumberton, but in the grand scheme, all the cities were affected in some way. 

Speaking of Lumberton, at the first hotel we met a very nice and polite black woman from the city of Lumberton, who said she lost everything in Matthew and was praying she didn’t lose everything this time. If she lost it all in Matthew, hen she probably lost everything including the kitchen sink this time as well. I hope there’s something left for her.

Also my Laptop broke (stupid Microsoft updates) at the first hotel on teh first night.

My apartment building sustained some damage (I wouldn’t call it major, but definitely some repairs are needed). It’s 2-story, and I’ve spent an hour today picking up some shingles and paint chips that had flown off the roof and onto the front side. Nobody else was gonna do it, and I didn’t want little kids to step on one with a nail in it and hurt themselves, and plus I wanted to help.

The wood for the balcony for the second definitely needs to be replaced, actually most of the balconies will need to be replaced, and the porch and lawn lights needs fixing bc many of them are bent or gone. A couple of apartments need extensive repairs in the back, and the trees that have snapped needs to be picked up- and the potholes need to be filled as well, but we’ve all been complaining for over 10 years to get them fixed and they haven’t been solved, and now there’s more- part of the sidewalk/driveway is gone somewhere.

The park across from us needs to have the trees picked up off of it, and it needs to be inspected so it’s safe for the kiddos. It could’ve been a lot worse if Florence hadn’t weakened, if it had stalled any longer.

IDK why u read all of this but for that I give u smooches. I guess this is just why I won’t be evacuating again unless its a Cat 5 barreling down on my ass because this was just 2 stressful 4 my frag ile ass. I guess if you wanna know more u can dm me but hey im just tryna survive in a third world city in America like the best boi i can be.

Just wanna shoutout the hotel desk girl who got us a room, the old tire man who spared out thin wallets and speedy service and that lady from Lumberton who I hope at least is somewhere warm and safe because GOTDAMN was our shelter cold as hell, like I felt like it was a solid 40 degrees in there. Plus all the little peeps along the way who helped us out in minor ways.

Also did I mention ppl driving in the Sandhills are rude and aggressive as hell? Yes? Well, I’m saying this again. They are the kind of ppl to road rage ur ass.

Just keep the smaller cities in the wide circle of Florence’s thot circle of destruction.

Yeet dabs

               ~Jek

[richiefuckfacetozier]

Chapter 5: Heroes

Story: It’s Not My Fault

Note: @slashpalooza made this fanart as a Valentine’s gift to me. Love you Alex!

Title - Heroes by David Bowie

That’s right friends a Loser’s car trip with Reddie. 

It can also be found on Archive of our own

For other chapters - | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 |

“Eddie, my precious snicker bar! Let’s get going.” Richie implored. Richie’s new bit of the week was to call Eddie different candies. Eddie thought it was kind of funny and just proved Richie only ever thought about sugary sweets.

Eddie had spent the last 20 minutes packing what felt to Richie and Stanley like all his belongs. He was really worried about forgetting something important.

“I am just making sure I packed everything and did not miss anything,” Eddie said looking at his list for the billionth time.

“Eddie, you were very thorough in your packing,” Stanley said reassuringly. “You got everything on the list I made for all of you.”

“What list?” Richie asked lazily.

“Damn you, Tozier,” Stanley grumbled.

“We have to get on the road. WE ARE BURNING DAYLIGHT!” Richie shouted dramatically.

Eddie looked outside and could see Bill’s big blue van, affectionately called Mama, parked in his driveway. Beverly and Ben had gotten out of the car, so she could smoke. Stanley and Richie were supposed to be bringing Eddie’s stuff down so they could get on the road, but this was proving a challenge. “Shit!” Eddie went into overdrive grabbing the rest of his supplies.

“Richie’s right, Eddie,” Stanley said glancing at his watch. “Driving in the dark will not be fun.”

Richie and Eddie looked at Stanley horrified. Then Richie’s face broke out into a huge smile, “We all heard it. Stan the man Uris said I was right. Let it be known. Let it be written! Hell, tattoo it on my arm.”

“Shut the fuck up, Richie,” Stanley said. “But seriously, we have to get on the road. I scheduled out the trip down to the minute and you are holding us back 22 minutes now.”

“Yes, ok fine! Let’s go.” Eddie grabbed his backpack and toiletry bag, while Stanley picked up his suitcase. Richie grabbed Eddie’s dad’s skiing gear. Eddie wanted to rent his own at the skiing range, but his mom insisted he take them since they were collecting dust at this point. It was hard for Eddie to think about his father. Sometimes, he wondered how his life would have gone if his dad had not died. Maybe his mom would be less protective and they would be happier. Then he would feel guilty for feeling this way when his mom had tried to do the best she could with a terrible situation.

“I like your dad’s skis. They are so cool.” Richie said admiring the black skis with hand painted stars on them. Eddie smiled at him as they made their way downstairs. Fortunately, his mom was out today. They had been arguing every day about him going on this trip. She got fed up with a final plea last night. Eddie did not back down once, even if his mind wanted to give in. He knew Richie would be really disappointed if he did that to them.

Eddie held the door open for Richie and Stanley. “We are only going to be gone a weekend, Eddie!” Ben said shaking his head. “We still need to fit Mike’s stuff.”

“You’re our resident architect, Benny boy. So start architecturatoring and fit all the stuff in Bill’s car!” Richie put the skis under the tarp on the roof.

Stanley fixed him with an exasperated look, “Architecturatoring is not a word, you idiot.”

“How does Richie get better grades than all of us?” Ben teased.

“My theory is he has a photographic memory,” Eddie grumbled. “I call shotgun!”

“Challenge!” Richie yelled. The two of them flew at the passenger door handle. Bill’s head shot up to watch them shoving each other. He was sitting in the driver's seat looking at the map but raised it slowly to hide behind. Eddie wiggled his way in front of Richie and wrenched the door open, trying to climb in.

“G-g-guys...chill. Don’t hurt, Mama. She’s a sensitive car.” Bill said nervously at their squabble. Richie caught Eddie’s legs to pull him out before he could sit down. 

Eddie yelled trying to free his legs, “I get car sick!” Eddie complained while kicking at Richie. He had managed to turn Eddie around, but Eddie was holding onto the door frame for dear life.

“You lie, dear lollipop! You just get so nervous when others drive you that you make yourself sick.” Richie was grinning smugly because he knew Eddie would not be able to hold on for very much longer.

“Same difference!” Eddie could feel his hands start to slip. “Fuck.”

“This is not how I pictured getting between your legs for the first time,” Richie laughed crudely. Every single loser groaned at the horrible innuendo.

Eddie aimed a well-placed kick to Richie’s chest for revenge. The lanky boy stumbled back rubbing at the new pain. Eddie slammed the door and locked it, then rolled down the window to stick his tongue out. “HA! Suck it, Richie!”

“Buy me dinner first,” Richie choked out as Eddie flipped him off. “You kicked me! The jelly bean of my eye kicked me.” Richie was in total shock.

Stanley glared at them, “You deserved it.” He checked his watch again. “Get in the fucking car everyone. We need to get Mike. I’ll sit behind Bill since I am navigating.”

Bill and Eddie looked at each other anxiously from inside the car. Ben, Beverly, and Richie stood staring at Stanley in surprise.

“Stan...is that such a good idea?” Beverly said hesitantly.

He looked at her incredulously, “Why wouldn’t it be? It’s my family’s place, I know how to get there.”

Ben piped up, “Sure, it's just that...when you are under pressure...you kind of…” Stanley’s gaze darkened and Ben lost his courage to continue.

“That is to say,” Beverly tried to explain sensitively, “When you have to be in charge of directions you...it’s just…”

Richie interrupted because this was taking too long, “What Benverly are so eloquently trying to say is YOU have a terrible sense of direction, will get us lost, then freak the fuck out in a typical Stan the Man way. Eddie should navigate.”

“Don’t bring me into this,” Eddie said warningly from his seat.

Bill leaned over Eddie to speak out the passenger window. “Eddie can just do it, Stan. He’s a really good n-n-navigator.”

Stanley gapped at all of them trying to hide his hurt, “I will not freak out! And I can read a stupid map, Bill!” Stanley went to Eddie’s window and grabbed the map from Bill’s hand.

“I’m n-n-not s-s-sayin yuh-yuh-you can’t…” Bill always stuttered worse when people were upset at him.

“I will be perfectly fine to navigate, stuttering Bill. Let’s GO!” Stanley stormed to the other side of the car. Eddie saw Bill flinch at the harsh use of his usually endearingly spoken nickname. Bill leaned back in his seat looking straight ahead.

“So excited to spend the weekend with my besties!!” Richie cheered sarcastically. “We are so good at communication.”

“Beep beep, Richie,” Beverly said quietly. “I’m going to sit in the middle because I get a bit car sick on long rides if I can’t look forward.”

“I call next to Bev!” Riche yelled. They put the back seat down so Ben could climb into the way back. Eddie tried to glance at Stanley for reassurance that he was not too mad, but his face was hidden behind the map. Beverly gingerly sat down in the middle seat beside Stanley, as Richie squished next to her slamming the door.

Eddie saw Beverly slowly place her hand on Stanley’s arm. He tensed, then folded up the map taking a deep breath, “I’m sorry, Bill.”

“All good,” Bill shrugged and the subject was dropped for now. “Play some muh-music Eddie.” He started the car and drove out of the driveway.

Eddie went into his CD holder, “What do we want to listen too?”

“AC/DC!” Richie shouted.

“Joan Jett!” Beverly countered.

“Journey!” Ben said.

“I’d listen to some Journey.” Stanley agreed.

“Alright, Journey before Mike gets here and judges us.” Eddie popped in the CD.

“I’m judging us.” Richie pointed out.

“We’ve got 4 and a half hours in this car together. I will only be judging us.” Stanley said smiling as the rest of them laughed.

They got to Mike’s place and Ben worked to fit everything in the car. It was jam-packed with their bags, coolers for drinks, and snacks galore. They said goodbye to Derry and were off on their adventure.

  HOUR 1:

“I want to listen to Michael Jackson.” Mike pretested. Currently, the car was filled with AC/DC music.

“No Mike, we always listen to Michael,” Beverly said. “How about Tears for fears?”

“THRILLER!!!” Mike sang.

“That’s such a spooky song,” Ben said.

“It's close to midnight and something evil's lurkin' in the dark,” Mike kept singing. Eddie turned in his seat so he could look back at Mike. He was giving Ben crazy eyes, which made everyone laugh.

Ben giggled nervously, “We should be listening to Christmas music, it is December.”

“That’s not fair to Stan.” Beverly pointed out patting his hand.

“It doesn’t matter much to me-”

Mike put his hands on Stanley’s shoulders, startling the poor guy. “Under the moonlight you see a sight that almost stops your heart.”

“You just about stopped my heart,” Stanley put his hand on his chest.

“Gay,” Richie said.

Eddie smacked Richie’s leg and watched as Mike removed his hands from Stanley’s shoulders then unbuckled his seatbelt. Eddie shook his head about to say something when Mike sang louder, “You try to scream but terror takes the sound before you make it,” Mike crawled half over the backseat between Stanley and Beverly.

“Mike!” Stanley yelled, “Put your seatbelt back on!”

“Sit down Mike!” Bill said harshly glaring at the rearview window. Eddie watched Ben struggle to pull Mike back but the taller and stronger boy would not budge.

Mike’s voice was drowning out the AC/DC music at this point, “You start to freeze as horror looks you right between the eyes, YOU’RE PARALYZED!” Everyone was shouting at Mike to sit down, except Richie who had joined in singing.

“JUST PUT THE SONG ON EDDIE!” Stanley shouted looking at him with terrified eyes. Stanley, Ben, and Beverly managed to yank Mike back into his seat. Stanley hurriedly buckled Mike as the guy just laughed at his friend.

Eddie went into his CD case, took out his Michael Jackson Disc and popped it in the player blasting Thriller.

“Don’t do that,” Stanley said berating Mike.

“Aw, Stan! You care so much for me. Now shush! The king of R&B is singing.” Mike and Richie sang thriller doing the dance moves in their seats.

They kept listening to Michael Jackson but when Billie Jean came on, Richie was getting bored. “Why is every love song so fucking straight,” Richie complained.

Beverly laughed, “Rich, I keep telling you to give David Bowie a chance.”

“No, I refuse.”

“You have no reason to not like him. You just don’t because he’s different from other rockers.” Eddie huffed out.

“I am not that shallow, Eds.”

“Don’t—“

Beverly interrupted, “Richie you are a self-proclaimed bisexual man, you should try to listen to him!”

“Just because Bowie is bi doesn’t mean I’ll like his music,” Richie argued.

“I always thought Richie was Eddie sexual,” Mike said aloud.

“MIKE!” Eddie yelled horrified as he buried his red face in his hands. Everyone laughed and Eddie heard a hive-five behind his seat.

“Anywayyyy,” Beverly continued, “He’s so provocative and incredible. Please, let’s listen to one song.”

Richie considered it for a moment then conceded, “Fine. Put him on.”

“WHAT!” Eddie spun in the passenger seat. The seat belt prevented him from turning fully. “Ow,” He gasped rubbing at where the belt jabbed into his neck. He went to unbuckle his seatbelt so he could look at Richie properly.

Stanley reached forward and put his hand firmly over Eddie’s hand. Eddie glared at him viciously. “What the hell, Stan?”

Stanley did not back down or remove his hand, “You aren’t pulling a Mike. Only one of us can give heart attacks over seat belt behavior. Keep it on!” They kept staring daggers at each other until Stanley slowly removed his hand, ready to prevent Eddie from unbuckling if he had too.

Richie leaned over Beverly to make eye contact with Eddie and give a shit-eating grin, “Here’s my beautiful face for you to yell at, you tasty gummy bear.”

Eddie’s gaze sharpened on him, “I spent HOURS trying to convince you to listen to Bowie but you kept stubbornly refusing. Beverly barely even tried.”

“Beverly’s my best friend, you're my boyfriend. Not listening to you is my job. Keeps your ego in check.” Beverly laughed behind him. She pushed his head down so she could make innocent eyes at Eddie.

“Un-fucking-believable.” Eddie turned back to face front. Richie poked his side and he jumped reflexively.

“Put it on, marshmallow.” Richie cooed. “Give me some of that sweet Bowie sound.”

Eddie blushed as the rest of the car laughed at them. He grabbed his CD case and put in his David Bowie mix. He scrolled to the best song he could think of and let it play.

The smooth rock sound began with a clever rhythm. Everyone stayed silent to listen. Eddie lip-synced along to the words.

“I, I will be king 

And you, you will be queen

Though nothing, will drive them away

We can beat them, just for one day

We can be heroes, just for one day...”

Eddie heard, “I love this songggg.” From Ben in the back but someone shushed him so Richie could really focus.

“...We can be heroes

Just for one day

We can be heroes…”

When the song ended Richie immediately said, “THAT IS LITERALLY OUR LOSER CLUB THEME SONG. PLAY IT AGAIN.”

Bill laughed, “You s-s-said Africa by Toto was our them-m-me song last week.”

“I spoke too soon! I have now been blessed with Bowie’s Heroes. EDDIE PLAY IT AGAIN!” Richie grabbed his sides to poke him repeatedly.

“Do...Not...Richie...don’t!” Eddie was trying to hold back laughs as he was tickled. “I’m pressing play! Chill dipshit.”

  HOUR 2:

“Beverly, did you pack cigarettes?” Richie asked worriedly.

“Yes, I...wait...Richie, I left them on my dresser.” Beverly moaned.

“Fuckkkkkkkk.”

“This will be good for you two,” Ben said encouragingly. “You both have talked about quitting.”

“Not cold turkey!” Richie whined. Eddie was watching the road carefully and saw as Bill drove past where they were supposed to merge.

“Hey, Stan…” Eddie said anxiously. He turned his head to look at Stanley. His curly head was buried in the map, hands shaking a little, and legs fidgeting. Eddie and Beverly made eye contact both thinking the same thing.

“What,” Stanley said barely controlled.

“I think we were supposed to get on the other highway just now.” He said with caution.

“We’re lost.” Richie guessed.

“We are not!” Stanley brought down the map to glare at Richie.

“Let go of your pride and give Eddie the map,” Richie said with a casual tone. He truly lacked any tact.

“I am not being prideful!” Stanley defended. "And we are not lost!"

“Get off here, Billy,” Eddie interjected. “We need to turn around.”

“How do you even know that?! I have the map.” Stanley huffed.

“Memorized it,” He really did not want to fight with Stanley but he was not going to let them get lost.

“You’re all against me!” Stanley roared.

“No we aren’t Stan,” Mike’s calm voice came from the back. “I trust you with my life and you are amazing at many things. Directions just aren’t your strong suit.”

Eddie expected another explosion but it was completely silent. Then he felt the map being shoved into his hands. He looked back at Stanley as the boy crossed his arms and stared out the window frowning.

“Let’s play a car game!” Beverly said to break the tension.

“What game?” Bill asked a forced cheeriness.

“Padiddle!” Richie yelled excitedly. “It’s the best game!”

“Padiddle only works if we can see taillights are out. The sun is still out, so you can’t really tell.” Stanley pointed out. There was only a little bite to his voice, maybe he did not want to stay mad.

“And I am not striping in front of everyone for padiddle,” Eddie added over his shoulder.

“Only for me,” Richie laughed.

“Shut up, Richie!”

“I’ve got one.” Ben jumped in. “I used to play it with my mom. You look into other cars and make up stories about what might be going on. Someone starts it then it goes to a new person to continue the story. Does that make sense?”

“Start us off Ben,” Beverly insisted.

Ben cleared his throat, “Alright, see the car on the right a little ahead of us? There are three teenage girls inside.” Eddie turned to see a red jeep with the three girls. “Tiffany, Tamera, and Tina decided to run away from home because everything was becoming too overwhelming...”

Mike spoke up, “So they packed up everything they could and took to the road not looking back. However, Tina had a secret...”

“That secret was um…” Stanley hesitated, “That she wanted to marry Tamera and Tiffany’s older brother Terri. He was planning to meet them in Vegas in a week so they could get hitched...”

Beverly continued, “Tamera and Tiffany would later be enraged that their friend would lie to them and make a plot to get even...”

“They would lure Terri and Tina into a false sense of security,” Richie said in a spooky voice. “By saying the wedding was a great idea but really they were going to kill them both for their treachery...”

Eddie piped up, “The murder would be slow and painful. However, Terri and Tina found out about the murder plot and decided to plan their own murder!”

“The wedding was a mess of murder and chaos and only one of them survived. The end.” Bill finished.

“Bill,” Ben said, “What the fuck, who survived?”

“Yeah!” Richie hit Bill’s shoulder, “You can’t leave it there.”

“You’ll never know.” Bill grinned.

Stanley laughed to himself, “I’m more concerned that we turned it into a murder spree. Do we need therapy?”

“Definitely,” They all said in unison.

  HOUR 3:

“Are we there yet?”

“No.”

“What about now?”

“Do you see us at the cabin yet?”

“When will we be there?”

“Richie, shut up.” Stanley and Richie had been going on like this for a couple minutes now. Richie’s constant stream of thoughts unyielding. “Eddie, make him stop.”

“If I knew how I would,” Eddie said lazily.

“Pull over Bill! I have to take a piss.” Richie said.

“Can you hold it another hour?” Stanley said frustratedly.

“No can do Stan the Man. When Mother Nature calls, you don’t ignore it. Just pull over—”

“Actually, can we go to a gas station so I can go?” Beverly asked.

“Sure,” Bill put the indicator on to get off the highway. Ben, Beverly, and Richie got out much to Stanley’s complaining.

“Get me skittles while you're in there!” Mike yelled to them. Richie gave a thumbs up.

“I feel like one of us should follow them,” Stanley said anxiously.

Eddie turned his head to look at him reluctantly. “By ‘someone’ do you mean me?”

Mike waved his hand dismissively, “Ben’s there, he’ll make sure they behave.”

“Ben has the backbone of a chocolate eclair,” Stanley said deadpan.

It took a moment for the joke to sink in but slowly Bill, Mike, and Eddie started laughing. They were cracking up so hard their sides hurt. Eddie was wiping away tears as he said, “You should have a fucking standup act, Stan.”

“B-but his only audience would b-b-be us.” Bill said turning in the driver's seat to smirk at Stanley.

“It’s the only audience he needs,” Mike put his hand on Stanley’s shoulder good-naturedly.

“Bunch of softies,” Stanley mumbled smiling.

Bill’s eyes shifted to Eddie’s window. He squinted with his mouth slightly agape. “Why are they running?” Eddie whipped his head to look out the window. He saw Richie yelling something; with Ben a little before him running faster than Eddie had ever seen him run; and Beverly taking up the rear.

“Richie is shouting something,” Eddie rolled down the window. His heart beating a little faster.

“START. THE. FUCKING. CAR.” Richie screamed. They were almost to the van.

Eddie looked to Bill, whose eyes were wide in confusion but he started the car saying, “Shit shit shit shit.” Over and over.

Ben got to the van first his momentum banging into the car then wrenching the back door open. He climbed into the middle seat saying, “COME ON BEV!” Out the open door.

Richie opened the front passenger seat door. Eddie was so confused he did not have time to process as Richie plopped onto his lap, slamming the door after him. Eddie made an “Ugh” sound at the surprising weight on his knees.

He tried to speak, “Richie! What the…”

Richie interrupted him, “Bill, put it in reverse, fucking be ready to go,” He leaned his back into Eddie’s chest putting his upper half to one side, so as not to squish Eddie. He could feel Richie’s heart beating a mile a minute.

“Babe, what happened?” Eddie asked trying to stay calm. He pushed back the curls sticking to Richie’s forehead, staring at him with concern. Richie leaned into the touch with his eyes closed taking deep breaths.

Suddenly, the weight of the car shifted as Beverly got in, “DRIVE BILL!” She screamed sliding the van door closed.

It was then that another voice could be heard through Eddie’s window. An angry vicious voice, “You shithead kids! I am calling the police!”

Bill was already putting the car in reverse then floored it out of the gas station and back on the highway. Eddie wrapped his arms around Richie’s waist tightly. Richie had his right hand gripping the grab handle above the door frame and his left on top of Eddie’s arms holding on for dear life.

Bill accelerated the car, they hit a pothole and everyone screamed as the car got a bit of air. Richie’s body lifted off Eddie’s for a moment then smashed back down on his lap as the car landed roughly. Eddie’s eyes prickled with tears at the impact on his crotch and he tried to muffle a scream as he instinctively tightened his grip around Richie.

“Rich,” Eddie said through gritted teeth, “Motherfuckingshitballs shift over a bit. That fucking hurt my dick.”

Richie chuckled, “Now’s not the time for dirty talk Eds.” He shifted to relieve him. Eddie pressed his face into Richie’s back, to hide his pained face and let the familiar cologne calm him down from a potential panic attack. Acting as a seat belt for Richie was proving terrifying.

“Someone explain what happened immediately,” Stanley said in a tone reminiscent of an angry parent.

“Not telling you, dad.” Richie responded immediately.

“Beverly and Richie are...are...IDIOTS.” Ben said in exasperation sounding on the verge of breaking down. “Sorry Bev, I don’t mean it but what you did was so dangerous and frankly careless.”

“I know I am so sorry,” Beverly choked out. Eddie could hear the coming of Beverly crying, so he tapped Richie to tell the story.

Richie got the hint, “Well as you all know...Beverly and I have an addiction to cancer sticks.”

“Already don’t like where this is heading,” Mike said from the way back.

“So just like when we used to swipe cigarettes as kids, we did operation ‘Flirt and grab’,” Richie explained.

Eddie shifted so his mouth was free. “Beverly, I hope Richie didn’t pressure you to um…”

“Whore myself?” She let out a small laugh even though it sounded watery from tears. “Don’t worry Eddie, I was not doing the flirting. I was not the man’s type.”

Eddie groaned, “Don't tell me…”

“That’s right!” Richie said passionately, “I took one for the team and turned on the Trashmouth charm. My flirting was going great and...”

“I somehow doubt that.” Stanley interrupted.

“Yeah Richie, you can barely flirt with Eddie.” Mike laughed, “You are a garbage can of Mom jokes, innuendos, and saying Eddie is cute.”

“That’s cause he’s the cutest!” Richie turned to kiss Eddie on the mouth. He did not reciprocate, peeved that Richie was even trying to flirt with someone else. “Don’t be mad at me, Laffy Taffy, it did not go in our favor.”

Eddie made a disgruntled noise, so Richie turned back forward trying to get comfortable against Eddie’s chest. Richie let both his arms settle on top of Eddie’s arms, which were still clutching around his waist for safety. Eddie put his chin on Richie’s left shoulder, their heads leaning into each other. “As I was saying, I flirted then Beverly snatched cigarettes while the foolish man was distracted. However, we did not count on him propositioning me, so I tried to shut down the mission too soon and the guy looked at his camera screen to see Beverly stealing. So I did the only sensible thing, hit a display of snacks to distract, grabbed Benny Boy’s hand and screamed ‘HAUL ASS BITCHES’.”

Eddie placed a hand over Richie’s mouth, “Inside voice.”

Richie pulled his hand away, “Oh! And nicked candy,” Richie reached into his pocket and threw a pack of skittles toward Mike’s direction.

“Thanks!” Mike said cheerily.

Richie opened his own pack of starbursts. He took out a red one and tried to feed it to Eddie. He grimaced, “Did you wash your hands after going to the bathroom?”

Richie rolled his eyes, “Yes, gumdrop.” Eddie let him plop the candy into his mouth, savoring the cherry goodness.

“Bill?” Beverly said nervously, “You’ve been quiet.”

Eddie shifted his head to look at Bill. His friend’s eyes were slits, brows furrowed and hands gripping the steering wheel so hard his knuckles were white. He was breathing harshly through his nose trying to stay calm. “I’m really disappointed in you guys.”

Eddie raised his eyebrows looking over his shoulder to see Stanley’s surprised eyes and Ben’s hurt face. He could not see Beverly with Richie’s body preventing any more movement but assumed she was none too happy. No one commented on the fact that Bill did not even stutter.

“We are sorry, Bill.” Beverly said in a small voice.

“I’m not, we got the cigarettes,” Richie shrugged. Eddie rolled his eyes toward Bill’s enraged expression.

“Suh-suh-sorry about this, Eddie.” Bill seethed before taking his right hand off the wheel and aiming for Richie’s crotch. Bill hit home and Richie yelled in pain. His body convulsed on top of Eddie as he put his hands over his hurt manhood. Richie automatically tried leaning forward but Eddie’s arms were a vice.

“Fucking hell, Big Bill.” Richie put his hands on both sides of his legs taking deep shuddering breaths of rage. Eddie rubbed his hands in slow circles above Richie’s stomach making shushing noises. This seemed to help a little. Eddie definitely did not feel sorry for Richie, he was always getting himself into these situations.

“Ok. We are even.” Bill said cracking a smile. The rest of the car exploded into laughter. It was about 20 more minutes before Bill asked if they should pull over so Richie could sit in the back again.

“No, I like sitting in Eddie’s lap. He never lets me.” Richie nuzzled his face into Eddie’s neck brushing his lips over his skin. Eddie’s mind began to swim at the distracting lips.

“That’s because you weigh too much,” But Eddie realized this was a weak excuse. He actually really liked Richie being on his lap. Ever since he was a kid, people wanted Eddie to sit on their lap because he was “small and cute”. It was different having someone important to him sitting so close. It actually felt very adult. Richie started pressing his hot mouth against his throat making Eddie’s pulse quicken. Richie ran his teeth lightly over the sensitive skin by Eddie’s ear then trailed wet kisses across his jaw. Eddie wondered briefly if Richie knew what he was doing to him. Then the lips smirked into Eddie’s neck and it was all too clear...Richie was aware of exactly what he was doing. 

“Still think I weigh too much for ya?” Richie laughed into his ear. Then he shifted on his lap getting even closer to Eddie’s body making him gasp.

“Pull over,” Stanley mumbled. “Eddie and Richie are making me nauseous.”

Eddie felt mortified that he let Richie be so bold in front of their friends. His face was on fire.

“Just as I was about to give him a lap dance,” Richie laughed.

“Beep Beep Richie,” Eddie hissed.

 “Also, does the car feel unbalanced?” Bill wondered aloud.

“Probably the extra Richie weight in the front,” Mike shouted.

“Everyone stop roasting me about my weight. Fucking rude.”

  HOUR 4:

“Yep, the tire has definitely lost a lot of air pressure,” Ben said with a sigh, his breath showing in the air. They all stood around the wheel shivering from the cold. Richie was hugging Eddie and rubbing his arms to keep him warm.

“P-probably the p-p-pothole we hit,” Bill kicked the tire. “Mama deserves better than us.”

“You gotta use a straw to blow air back into the tire,” Richie suggested.

They all ignored him, “You got a spare?” Mike asked heading toward the trunk.

“Under all our shit,” Bill said miserably.

“Let’s work together to get it then,” Richie followed Mike. Eddie looked at him in surprise. He must feel guilty for being the reason this happened. Together they took out all their stuff that was blocking the latch where the spare tire lived.

“Oh good, it’s the same as the other tires. So we don’t have to get a replacement.” Ben said as him and Mike heaved out the tire. Bill picked up the Jack and lug wrench.

“Bev, can you…” Bill began.

“On it!” Beverly went into the glove compartment grabbing the driver’s manual.

Beverly, Ben, Bill, and Mike went to the front to start replacing the tire. Stanley and Eddie went to work on putting everyone’s stuff back in the trunk. Richie stood around smoking a cigarette giving terrible directions such as:

“You have to put your head under the car to get a proper angle, Benny boy.”

“It’s lefty hefty, righty titties.”

“Those directions are in Chinese.”

“You have to remove everything then quickly throw the tire underneath and pray to God it latches.”

Most of these joke made Beverly and Ben laugh but the rest ignored him. When Stanley and Eddie finished putting everything back in the trunk, Stanley said, “Since I don’t know anything about cars...I’m going to sit in the car before my ass freezes.”

“Rich,” Eddie said getting the attention of the crazy boy. “Leave them alone and let’s wait in the car.”

“Coming my Reese's Pieces,” Richie cooed. He turned to Beverly, “The old lady needs me.” She put her hand up to her mouth stifling a giggle.

“Jesus fucking Christ.” Eddie glared. “Just get in the car, you idiot.” Eddie got into the front while Richie hopped in the back.

Stanley was already sitting in the car reading his copy of The Shining, his legs under a blanket he got from his bag. Richie scooted in the middle seat, grabbed half the blanket and snuggled next to Stanley, who promptly rolled his eyes but went back to reading.

“Stan the Man is so warm,” Richie said putting his head on Stanley’s shoulder. “Hope this doesn’t make you jealous, Eds. You are still number 1 cuddle bug.”

Eddie laughed, “I don’t get jealous when it comes to you.”

“Liar,” Stanley mumbled.

Eddie’s eyebrows raised, “Excuse me? What does that mean Stanny?”

He cleared his throat still not looking up, “Do you think Richie likes Bill better than me?” Stanley had raised his voice in a clear attempt to mimic Eddie’s voice. Eddie’s eyes went to Richie who was grinning from ear to ear.

“Oh come on,” Eddie said seriously, “I was like 10 when I felt that way.”

Stanley glanced up at him, “Stan, I think Richie has a crush Beverly. They always smoke and hang out. Richie knows I hate smoking, so they don’t invite me.”

Eddie crossed his arms, “14! I bet you can’t find a recent example.”

The trunk opened with a gust of cold wind, as Mike and Ben tossed the supplies and old tire in the back. Bill opened the driver’s side door and Beverly opened the back door to bring the seat down for the guys to pile in.

“Hey Bill, what did Eddie say to you a couple months ago about Richie being neglectful?” Stanley asked mischievously.

Bill looked at Eddie with a cheeky grin, “That Richie is neglectful b-because ‘he never hangs out with m-m-me anymore. I thought we were d-dating. He hangs out with everyone more than me. Don’t people d-dating see each other all the t-t-time? I miss him’.”

“That was at the beginning of our relationship!” Eddie said in horror. Richie had doubled over with laughter laying sideways on Stanley who had the biggest smirk on his face.

“But Eddie, you see each other every single day.” Beverly chimed in.

“I-I well...I mean…” Eddie did not know what he meant. This conversation was starting to be really embarrassing.

“I got one!” Mike said jumping into the way back with Ben following behind him. Beverly got in letting Richie stay in the middle seat. Bill started the car and they were back on course.

“Shut it Mike!” Eddie seethed glaring at his friend.

“No…” Richie said between laughs. “Please go on Mikey!”

“Last week, Eddie found out that a girl in homeroom likes Richie. So he made sure she knew you two were seeing each other by kissing in front of her locker the next day.”

“Traitor!” Eddie screeched.

“You said you were kissing me in public because I looked hot that day!” Richie said in mock hurt.

“Eddie thinks he plays it cool. It’s all an act.” Bill chuckled.

“I looked up to you once!” Eddie punched Bill’s shoulder. 

“Eddie, it’s funny come on…” Stanley said through tears in his eyes.

Eddie pointed at Stanley, “JUDAS!” Everyone’s laughter got stronger.

“That’s it, I’m going to make this weekend unbearable for all of you. You think Richie and I were gross earlier? Just wait.” Eddie turned forward and opened the map harshly to make sure they were on the right track. “Beware my revenge bitches.”

“Do I get a say in this?” Richie asked poking Eddie's side. Everyone had quieted down a little at Eddie’s threat but were still cracking up.

Eddie frowned, “No, you’ll take my PDA and like it.”

“Fine by me, my jawbreaker.”

“Gross, I hate you.”

“Whatever you say, sweet tart.”

[ariespageofbreath]

Monster Summer Mash: A Midsummer Night’s Dream

hahahaha i am so late wow-

also two entries in one day what is this madness-

On another note, I really love Gaster and I should write more of him, because he’s wonderful. Headcanons galore for this one.

@sinen0mine huehuehuehue 

(It’s still technically the Road Trip Trio, right? *Shrugs*)

Your parents may not approve of you going on your little cross-country trip, but in your opinion, this was the best choice you could have made. The sense of freedom you gain from driving along the wide open stretches of country road, elbow resting on the rolled-down window sill of your old RV and wind in your face and radio turned up loud, is more more than you could have ever asked for. Things were so stifling back home, but here, you could do and go wherever you wanted, experience new things, and no one could tell you not to.

Your trip had started three weeks back. You were tired of being stuck inside for such a gorgeous summer, so you had called in your unused vacation days, packed up your bags, and broke out your parents’ untouched RV. You were gone within a night, and so far, you hadn’t regretted a moment of it.

About the only thing you missed were the people, especially when you were on a road like this without much to distract you. You’d kept in contact with any friends via social media, but beyond messaging a few of your closer friends, you tried to stay away from such apps. The last thing you wanted were your parents breathing down your neck, disappointed in you for dropping everything to “live like a hooligan.”

You were plenty civilized still, thank you very much. It could be worse. You could have decided not to take the RV and just walk out with only the clothes on your back and live in alleys for the duration of your trip.

You’re pulled from your thoughts by the honk of a car in front of you. It’s a cute little white van with several children in it, from what you can tell. They’re honking at the cars in front of them, who have slowed down for some reason. You stick your head out the window, curious about what’s causing such a ruckus.

Oh. It’s a person, standing on the edge of the road, thumb out in the universal sign of hitchhiking. From what you can tell, they’re wearing a giant straw sun hat and a dark coat, which you don’t understand, given the fact that it’s so hot out.

For a moment, it looks like the car might let them on, but then they simply start driving again. Their thumb falters minutely, but remains stubbornly in the air. The next several cars drive past as well, leaving you feeling sorry for the poor fellow loitering on the side of the road. However, as you pull forward, you think you understand why the others rolled past them.

    It's a monster. A skeleton monster by the looks of it, with a baggy turtleneck that's some shade of light purple. There's a pair of cracks in their face, one running from the back of their head down to their sagging right eye socket, the other trailing down from their left eye to the corner of their bashful smile. Floating amidst the darkness of their eyes are two small dots of white light, soft and fuzzy and warm. It puts you instantly at ease.

    (Where is the other one? You find yourself thinking, but then you wonder why you thought it. You've never met this stranger before, and you've certainly never met a skeleton monster.)

    They're giving you a look of mixed wariness and hope, like they want you to pick them up but they don't think you will. It breaks your heart and makes you mad all at once. From what you can see, all the poor guy’s got is a tiny bag slouching by his feet and the clothes on his back, but no one else could be bothered to help him out. No one was willing to give him the time of day, and for what? The fact that he's a monster. Sickening.

    Nevermind the fact that he could be a serial killer; just because monsters in general were pretty nice didn't mean this one was too- not the time!

    With a soft smile, you rolled down the window and leaned out. They were much taller up close, their chin coming up to the window sill. Hmm. Would you be able to fit them in the RV…? Nevermind, worry about that later. “Howdy, stranger. Looks like you could use a lift.” You jerk your thumb at your vehicle, throwing in an enticing wink. “I’ve got a real nice rig here. Full plumbing and everything.”

They-you feel like it might be a “he”-looks very surprised you’re willing to give him a ride. His eyes seem to flicker, and you get a picture of fur and green, and then it’s gone as he speaks. “Are you sure, my friend? Even though I am…” He falters, soft, low voice trailing away as he gives his holed hands an ashamed look.

You don’t know why those holes don’t surprise you. You don’t know what possesses you to lean out the window and grab the hands of a complete stranger, holding them tightly as you stare him dead in the eyes. “You have no need to be ashamed. There is nothing wrong with you. So what if you’re a monster? You could be a puddle of slime and I’d still let you on my RV if you wanted.” You crack a smile, admiring his startled look and the hint of purple you see climbing along his cheeks. “If it bothered me, I wouldn’t have offered, sweetheart.”

Where is all of this coming from? You have no clue. But it seems to work. He gives you that shy smile again and murmurs, “Well, if you insist, then… I suppose I shall take you up on your gracious offer. Thank you, my friend.” His hands squeeze yours, and somehow you don’t mind the touch.

As a matter of fact, when he pulls away to grab his bags, you miss the feeling of cradling his long fingers in yours, or the indent of the holes pressing against your palms. You try to ignore it, hurrying around to the door so you can open it for him. You try to take his bag for him, but he seems to anticipate this, as he holds it above your head-far, far above your head, because holy crap, you were right, he’s very tall. He’s maybe a head shorter than the ceiling, but it’s possible he’s taller.

Either way, he gives you a fond, amused smile, eye sockets crinkling at the edge, and you’re struck both by the familiarity of the expression and how comfortable he already seems around you. “I appreciate your desire to be a good host, my friend, but I assure you that these bones are not so brittle that such a small bag would be a burden.”

Your flush despite yourself, and can’t resist giving him a playful pout. With an exaggerated huff, you step sideways, waving him in. He chuckles (something in you resonates) and sets his things down, glancing around. His shoulders slump just barely, as though the sight of your RV has relaxed him. He catches you staring at him and smiles, holding his hand out and introducing himself. You don’t quite catch it, but you take his hand and return the favor anyways. You think you see a brief flash of something else in his expression, but it’s gone quickly.

You show him around the RV, though he seems to have the interior mapped out pretty quickly already. You don’t question it. He seems surprised and a little flustered when you offer him the bed below yours in your room, and you quickly apologize with your own mortification. You’re entirely too comfortable with this stranger, and while it should disturb you, it’s strangely… comforting? You feel like you’ve already known him for a long time, and it just feels natural to be close to him.

While you don’t say as much, you think he notices it when you assure him it would be no big deal; you’re pretty lonely in here by yourself and having someone close by would be nice. He echoes the sentiment, shyly admitting that he has a bit of a fear of being on his own. Of course, this makes you want to know why he was out there alone on the street- how long he’d been there by himself, and you feel an inexplicable surge of protectiveness.

You make a likely-impossible promise that if you can help it, he’ll never be alone again.

Picking him up was the best choice you could have made.

Your companion (you still felt like there was someone missing here, an empty space where someone should be) was a doctor apparently, though he wouldn’t tell you much about what he used to do. He sat in the passenger’s seat to chat with you and occasionally act as your navigator, as he was very good with directions.  The two of you would often playfully bicker over the radio, fighting over which station to listen to. You liked much of the same music, but there were some songs you would never understand the appeal of.

    He talked to you about everything and anything. You spent hours simply chatting back and forth, sometimes telling stories or sometimes philosophizing; sometimes you'd set up debates or road trip games to pass the time, and sometimes he'd get to talking about something science-y, and you'd stumble through the conversation with him. He was always kind enough to explain what he talked about in terms you understood should you find yourself lost, and you walked away from the conversations much wiser.

    In return, you told him about the surface. He'd been a little late coming up, he'd explained hesitantly, and so many things about the surface still confused him. He was particularly interested in the scientific leaps mankind had made and loved to compare it with tech from the Underground, but he also found humans in general to be fascinating.

    You spoiled him a little with science. You went to expos and conventions and fairs and museums, anywhere dedicated to learning. He always got so excited, grabbing your hand and smiling wide at you, sockets twinkling. You'd let him drag you around, standing back as he spoke to fellow scientists and smiling affectionately at his enthusiasm.

    He seemed to particularly like the space museums and observatories, and would spend hours studying star maps and peering out the telescopes. (You may or may not have decided after that to purchase several of said star maps and a telescope, both of which you were thanked for profusely.)

    Your RV was a mess most days, but it was a kind of mess you didn't want to clean. His scientific papers went on almost every available surface save for the couch, which was were the two of you generally ended up sleeping-you had developed a habit of talking well into the night with him. You'd bought him several outfits, as he didn't have much more than what he had been wearing when you met him, and so several turtlenecks and coats ended up draped over furniture randomly. Your shelves were filled with peculiar concoctions of tea-he made his own, which had… interesting outcomes, to say the least-and little sweets you both enjoyed, along with a mix of your favorite books and his binders for research.

    All in all, your RV had become far more comfortable and homely than it had been. You smiled every time you stepped over one of his papers or he complained about you drinking all the tea, and overall, you were simply much more content than you had been in a long time. It felt like the happy days would never end.

    And of course, that's just when they did.

    You'd pulled into a nice little diner along the beach for breakfast, neither of you wanting to cook. You were in the middle of working your way through a delicious breakfast when he spoke up. “My dear, are you alright? You've been very quiet all morning.”

    With a half-hearted smile, you reluctantly met his worried gaze. “It's probably nothing, I know, but I just… I have this awful feeling… like something bad is going to happen soon. Like… like I'm going to…” You swallowed thickly, trying to keep your voice steady. “I feel like I'm going to lose you.”

    His hand gently gripped yours. You didn't like the sad way he smiled at you. “My dear, you don't have to worry about that. I'm not going anywhere. As long as you want me here, I'll be with you.”

    This was wrong. He wasn't supposed to be saying that to you. Who was? There was someone else. Someone with golden eyes and a confident smirk and determination in their voice.

    “You're part of my family now,” he continues, but that's wrong too, his face is wrong, where is the green in his eyelights and the pale turtleneck and the slight accent? “I won't be so easily shaken.”

    Your head is spinning. You're missing someone. Two someone's, two people who are important to you, so important, important just like he is. Who is it? Who's missing? “What's going on?” You whisper, giving him a shaky look. His fingers tighten around yours reassuringly, and the touch helps calm you slightly. “I'm confused. There's- we're not- we're missing-”

    “Easy, sweetheart,” he murmurs, getting up from his chair and circling around to kneel in front of you. He's still giving you that sad smile. You hate it. “They're not missing. They've been here the whole time. Everything will be alright, my dear, I swear to you.”

    “You're leaving, aren't you?” You realize, gripping his hand tighter. “You're going away.”

    “No, sweetheart, you're leaving. My time with you is up.” He reaches out, gently rubbing your cheek, and you realize you're crying. He smiles, more sincere, and leans forward, resting his forehead on yours. His hands frame your face gently, and he whispers, “I had a wonderful time getting to know you, darling. Goodbye.”

    His name comes to mind, forming on your tongue as easily as breathing, but you don't have a chance to respond. In the next moment, you're starting up into Aster and G’s concerned faces.

    G speaks up first, looking relieved. “Hey, sweetheart, about time you woke up. Looked like you were having a nightmare.” He brushes your cheek, and the gesture is so familiar you almost start crying harder. He frowns, rubbing your head. “What happened?”

    “I don't… I don't know,” you mumble, reaching up to grasp Aster's hand when he reaches for you. You bring it to your other cheek, turning your head into it. “I think… I was in the RV, and I met a man… a monster? Who was like you two but not, and he traveled with me, and…” You don't remember much else. Why are you crying? Why does it hurt? You can't even remember his name. You think his eyes might have been purple. “I don't know. I think something happened to him, and that's why I'm crying.”

    “I'm sorry you had to deal with that, my dear,” Aster soothes, frowning sadly. You think for a moment that's what the monster from your dream looked like. Sadness seems to suit him, even if it shouldn’t. “Would you like some tea to help calm your nerves?”

    The thought if tea makes you feel sick, so you shake your head. Instead, you ask shyly, “ Could we just sit on the couch and, I dunno, watch movies and cuddle or something?”

    They both chuckle, looking a little more relaxed. G smirks, leaning over to bump your forehead affectionately. “Sure thing, Cricket. Movies and cuddles it is.”

    He goes to get it set up while Aster pulls you off your bed carefully. Instead of setting you down, however, he simply carries you over to the couch and settles you on his lap. You curl up against him eagerly, throwing your legs into G's lap as he sits next to you and starts the movie.

    Between cuddling and talking with them and watching movies, your bad feelings gradually slip away. However, as you curl up for bed that night, you can't help but try and recall your dream-trying to remember his name and why he was so important.

    You fall asleep thinking about stars and feeling lonely.

[ferryboatpeak]

good things by good people: the best fic i read in 2017

The community aspect of writing fic is easily my favorite part of fandom. I was so lucky this year to get to know so many talented writers who brainstormed with me and encouraged me and allowed me to beta for them and left me nice comments and tolerated me screaming into their inboxes. So I’m going to close out the year by gushing about all of them and my favorite things they wrote in 2017.

queerlyalex: I learned multishipping at @queerlyalex’s feet, and I continue to admire their versatility, enthusiasm, and prolific production. Also I am eternally grateful to them for reblogging me early on; it’s only thanks to Alex that I have any pals around here. Alex absolutely slayed me with a few well-crafted sentences this year (e.g., ”Louis stares at Niall like he’s a map without a legend.”) and I also adored their hiatus nouis and creepy robot nouis and… okay, I just realized Alex is my favorite nouis writer.

Mildly_Maddy: @mildlymaddy writes with such heart and tenderness, and I particularly admire the physicality of her writing. Cold noses, headaches, fingernail scratches… she always makes me feel the characters’ physical sensations. Maddy’s also the most genius editor in all the wide world; every single thing I’ve written this year has benefited from her keen eye and unerring ability to not only diagnose the problem but to come up with the solution. Finally, Maddy makes brevity her bitch. Nobody writes tagfic like she does, and her hamille drabble might be my favorite thing I’ve read this year, 100 words densely packed with so many things I love (a clever joke on current canon, positive treatment of female side characters, harry in a collar). In 2017 I also particularly loved her hedgehog fairy louis, lilo bad wardrobe phone sex (a brilliant concept well-executed), and of course her nouis post-louelle breakup porn.

dramaturgicallycorrect: I am in awe of @wickershire​’s skills at worldbuilding. She writes an amazing diversity of settings and eras, and every single one of them feels completely realized. She also has this way of centering her characterizations on lesser-emphasized canon details, which is a brilliant trick that makes her characters feel simultaneously familiar and fresh. Her wolvesfest fic leaned into Niall’s fearlessness, Harry’s need to feel useful, and Louis’s protectiveness. Her Wimbledon fic took Harry’s treatment by the media and somehow used it to make this clumsy deer-legged menace into a believable professional athlete, alchemy of the highest order. (The sentence that laid me flat: "He stretches his long limbs as far as they can go and just like that, everything that’s Liam’s belongs to him.") Her narry road trip fic turned Harry’s aggressive image curation into obsessive travel experience planning (ohhhhh goddddddd, “’You’re an act of god,’ Niall tells him, but he means Harry’s a natural fucking disaster.”) AND AS IF THIS WASN’T ENOUGH, Kate also wrote the alex/peter fic the world needed.

saysthemagpie: You’re all aware that @saysthemagpie​ is the total package: brilliant plotting, achingly beautiful character development, gorgeous imagery, hilarious crack, and smoking hot sex scenes. I love Jes’s writing so much that it’s hard to narrow down my 2017 favorites, except that her dunkirk sex pest crackfic is unquestionably at the top of the list. 50 shades fionrry was also an instant classic, and I think the very first appearance of the barry characterization we didn’t know we needed but now can never live without. I also loved every scrap we got of small town divorce fic and sexswap narry and dog park lilo/fionrry and hazoff mpreg, and she finished always be your boy with some grade-A Harry Styles suffering. Also, these particular sentences: “He feels light and sort of airy, like someone’s flung open all the windows inside of him, sunlight spilling in.” and  “When his gaze drops to Mitch’s mouth, Mitch feels the tug of it in his chest, a pull like the tide: moon-drawn, inexorable.” and  “when he can’t stop himself testing his thumb against the bright keen edge of his loss”

countthestars: @moondoggiestyle is a plotting genius who somehow manages to make the tropiest of tropes suspenseful. She can turn any scrap of canon into angst, usually in a way that’s also hilarious, and I really admire the way she interacts with prompts and cultivates readership. Here’s how much I have reread her fic: I was beta’ing something of hers and recognized a turn of phrase repeated from something else she wrote like two years ago, and I almost didn’t say anything because I was super embarrassed to admit that I am like the foremost scholar of her work. I am forever grateful that she’s put up with me chattering away in her inbox all year long about hitch and werewolves and the midwest, and allowed me to deluge her with my thoughts on the excellent when the wolves come out under the guise of beta’ing it. Other 2017 favorites: hitch, and more hitch, harry vs. shapeshifting demon (SO MANY LAUGHS IN SO FEW WORDS), pop punk nouis (my number one dream in life is 50K of this), the small town little league au, and oh my god this sentence: “His touch is soft, almost tentative, like Niall’s something breakable. Like Niall’s not something he’s already broken.” ALSO she has written the very best part of dark werewolf hitch and if I have to construct a 40k ark to bear her 1K forth to the world in 2018 I will happily do so.

fliptomybside: uni fionrry is maybe my favorite verse going right now. It’s soft and hot and tentative and happy and I love every new installment. I also love @polaroidgirlfriend‘s queer kendall and how effectively she’s characterized through the many ways she tries to physically erase herself.(”She spreads her arms and her legs out so they’re not touching. It’s easier to feel weightless, this way. Takes away her awareness of her own limbs and the way she takes up space.”)

sunsetmog: I am in awe of how @magicalrocketships makes every single sentence, every single word, contribute to character development (this 26-line story is a perfect example.) In 2017, she upended the famous/not-famous trope with Harry Styles Cooks.... I love, love, love that Louis’s reaction to Harry appearing on his doorstep is to be mad at him for materializing instead of remaining a safely abstract celebrity crush. She also blessed us all with You’re a Naughty Rabbit, Louis; a long-awaited installment of I Had Rather; and the gryles Mallorca fic we all desperately needed.

rilla: The greatest zarry author of all time posted little writing this year but every bit of it was exceptional. Her hogwarts zarry has all the beauty and wonder the source material is missing, her similes make me want to cry (”He’s lit around the edges like someone’s taken a cigarette lighter to a sheet of paper”), and even this plot outline was exquisite. (@flomps, we don’t talk enough? I’m so grateful you hung on in this fandom long enough for me to know you even a little, though.)

yeahloads: Attempting to praise @harryshippudge by praising her fic is a misleading exercise because it completely misses a major area of her genius, namely her brilliance at generating plots and prompting others to do the same. I have written thousands upon thousands of words because Liz asked the right question or came up with the right twist on a trope, and I hope that someday she will bring her abandoned wolvesfest concept to life either as gryles or as original fiction, because it’s an absolutely brilliant idea. The single snippet she posted is maybe my favorite thing she wrote this year. (Although I am also delighted she got on board the hitch train, and her hazoff abo mpreg verse is weird and wonderful communication porn.)

1000-directions: I love @1000-directions’s quick wit, grace under fire, and willingness to go as niche as it gets (ESPECIALLY breaking the seal on loufro, a ship that I have high hopes for in 2018). Her pig dog POV was one of the most clever, original things I read this year -- the voice sounds just like a dog wagging its tail. I also deeply appreciate her Camille blogging and the associated fic.

[xtremedespair3d]

New Year 2021: The Virus That Ruined Everything

WARNING: THIS POST IS EXTREMELY LONG, YOU CAN EITHER SKIM TO SOME IMPORTANT PARTS IF YOU'D LIKE.

The 2020 decade is finally here and... Quite a lot of stuff has happened for the absoltue worse, and I didn’t ask any of this.

Life continuously gets worse every time with bad stuff happening, mainly online drama and problems with my personal life, other things like celebrity deaths and among other things, but this year, no thanks to a certain virus and worse, my personal problems, this has definitely become the worst worst year yet!

(As for the thumbnail, I was gonna look for generic images of “2021″ but I realized I had saved this image since 2020 began, but looking at it now, I don’t think it has hold up because 2020 has become a far worse year of its own. Hopefully for a 2020 2 picture for 2021 in case if life continues to get worse and worse)

This is definitely the longest Tumblr post I’ve ever written, so be prepared!

First off, let me apologize for last year’s New Year post where I said it would be my last post and I would be retire from Tumblr, but after a few months, I got bored and I decided to come back because I can’t live without blogging, so I’ll continue doing what I like doing, even if nobody reads or cares about my posts most of the time.

I should also tell you in advance that I’m dropping the scoring system in my top best of the year lists, not only they were usually rigged, biased* and repetitive, it was pretty confusing too. What I was basically trying to do with these scores is just matching different systems, like for example:

10/10 Rank: S++ 100%

The first one is a standard one, the second is common in some games but it’s more loosely based on Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain where the top rank is S++, and the third part is of course based on Rotten Tomatoes, which thank god I’m not even checking that site anymore and I have the word muted on Twitter so I won’t be disappointed with how terrible the movies I want to see the most perform (And why should I really care about that to begin with?). In the end, numbers don’t matter, it’s all about how much I enjoy this media and how much do I love it or hate it to be top or bottom, that’s all what matters.

*Although my lists will always be biased regardless. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Now, let’s kick off this post with some of the cursed shit that happened throughout this year, there were Australia wildfires, we almost had World War 3, police brutality, and now the worst thing of all, COVID-19. I’m not even gonna bother going into details on these other events other than COVID because it’s a very important issue that happened throughout life, even for my standards which I wouldn’t give an absolute shit about everything else that happens. A lot of major events got delayed, movies and games that I was looking forward the most got delayed, etc. Everything about COVID was a mess, but as usual, everything that happens in my life is far worse than every event. There’s a plethora of issues that happened throughout this year with plenty of things that really affected me, so I really hope you’ll understand (If not, it’s fine, nobody cares about these posts anyway).

When I was writing this draft, I put some titles to better indicate myself and to not forget about the important topics I want to talk about, and at some point I was debating myself whether or not I should leave these titles, but as I was writing without the titles when I got to certain topics, I realized how disorganized this post was looking, so I’m definitely putting these titles back as part of the actual post. I’ll probably do this in every New Year post too. Anyway, let’s start!

Quarantine and mental health: Let’s talk about the current situation we live in, quarantine. A lot of people miss being outside and being social, although to be honest, I’m not really missing out on anything, my family and I rarely go outside and we love staying indoors all the time anyways, except for going to the cinema, and the lockdown wasn’t really that strict in my town.

The best part of the quarantine was at one point my mom decided that I wouldn’t do online classes for my fine arts school since it’s not very convenient to learn stuff at home, and while I partially agree, the main reason why I didn’t want to continue studying is probably because I lost care about it, I’m always so distracted on my phone, I’m always so slow with sculpture and painting, not being able to go to school is the best thing the quarantine could happen... Except... There’s still some priority with my older sister, and when September came, it was time for the homeworks once again, my worst nightmare...

Doing my older sister’s homeworks really bring the worst of me, every time my mom always tells me there’s homework to do, I always say “ugh...” in varying tones and sometimes I get in trouble for it where my mom constantly gets triggered and tells me we must do it for my older sister’s sake, blah blah blah, and always, I shit you not, I ALWAYS fight with my mom when we do homeworks. I try to tell her the do’s and don’ts of how to use the internet and stuff, she sometimes takes too long researching for stuff, she constantly talks while figuring out and changes words when I’m supposed to be writing the things she’s supposed to tell me, I hate doing maps, etc. Just working with her is the absolute worst. I wish I could calm down in every situation, but I just can’t, I always get triggered and I insult my mom in said things.

Sometimes my mom tells me that my angry behavior comes from my lack of sleep, I always insist her that my bad sleep has nothing to do with my angry behavior, it’s the way I am. (Lately my sleep schedule is a bit messy but, like I said, I’m always angry because that’s how I am)

If you’ve been following me for a while and looked at how I tweet and interact with other Discord servers, you probably would have guessed that my behavior hasn’t gotten any better, and indeed it hasn’t. Of course I did promise I would change this year by trying to not attack people’s opinions and not being so mad at my mom, but being me as usual, I’m never going to change at all.

I don’t know what’s worse, attacking people’s opinions, or always figting with my mom in what to do with doing my older sister’s homeworks.

Before you tell me stuff like “Why can’t you tell your older sister to do her homeworks herself?” Because she doesn’t care and there’s one particular reason which I’m probably not gonna discuss in detail publicly (Unless you ask me to).

I've recently been hearing stuff about the COVID vaccine coming to Mexico, while that sounds great news, but at the same time, I can't help but have a feeling that I don't have the highest hopes for this and I don't think things would be fine, like, what if someone might be allergic to whatever the vaccine is made of? Not to mention that the vaccine is delivered in syringes, instead of going like the ending of Spider-Man PS4, I have a better idea: Why not try to make planes and spray out the vaccine everywhere so everyone outside can breath it, like it was some sort of pesticide but it has the opposite effect? It's kind of a messed up idea when I brought the pesticide thing, but that's the best thing I could think of.

Novel progress: This is something I was desperately trying to achieve, but the road has become a complete let down. I don’t want to disclose anything about my project, but I actually succeeded in publishing at least the first two chapters of my novel, the prologue and chapter 1, but I’ve been getting some rather harsh criticism in my website that I’m not really fond of, some of them are suggestions I’m not really sure I want to do, and even some that are just destructive, not only on my chapters but even on my blog posts when I’m trying to talk about some changes and other things, even my older sister’s harsh criticism doesn’t help me at all. All the negative comments combined with my eternal procrastination and having NO IDEA what the story even is and trying to figure that out and the monthly gap, I couldn’t help but give up on the project, I haven’t flat out cancelled the project out of my mind, but in terms of making it exist, I put it on hold. Yeah, I was really hurt and I have no idea what to do.

I don’t know about you but I’m just very sensitive about the kind of feedback I got with my project, it’s just something I never asked for and it really hurts me so much, it completely discourages me to keep going

I’ll talk about the future of my project in my resolutions, but the one last thing to say about this is that once my project exists and if I’m become successful, I really hope for once in my life my projects or I won’t get the same treatment as the next topic below.

The Last of Us 2 and YandereDev: This is seriously the most trigger inducing topic I’ve ever had to witness in my life, it’s beyond disgusting.

Literally every time over the last 3 years, everything that I’m interested in always ends up getting some form of backlash for no absolute reason. Fate/Apocrypha in 2017, Venom, Ready Player One and FLCL2&3 in 2018, Captain Marvel in 2019, now it’s TLOU2 in 2020.

First of all, I’m not a huge TLOU person, although I would have watched Let’s Play videos of people playing the first game, and from what I’ve seen, it was beloved by many, and then there’s the iconic “That’s the cutest fucking thing I have seen in my entire life” meme which I didn’t even know it was originated from TLOU to begin with.

The first game is a favorite, so the sequel should be an instant hype, but early this year, I started to see some hate around TLOU2, and it has been going for months, even some of my friends and artists I care about are joining the hate bandwagon for no reason...

LIKE, WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY???!!! THIS IS DISGUSTING!!!!! EVERYONE, LITERALLY EVERYONE ARE ABSOLUTE DISGUSTING MONSTERS!!!!!!

Literally, some of my friends and even some artists I care about talk shit about TLOU2 and they continue to do so! And then there’s other people I do care about like YouTubers who do care about TLOU2 and that’s enough to make me happy and I would LOVE to watch their videos but I’m too spoiled and self-conscious about watching TLOU2 videos and like it, so I have no idea whose should should I be on!

And then there’s The Game Awards which a lot of the nominees and even the winners were saturated with TLOU2, I can’t even bother getting into details for this but I definitely expected people to be so mad at TLOU2 winning almost every single award.

Now with how much shit TLOU2 has gotten, the future of the TLOU series which can even affect the upcoming HBO series is not gonna be so bright and everyone have turned against Naughty Dog completely.

You know what the saddest part is? Looking at the hate for TLOU2 makes me think on how will my project can get treated with whatever bullshit I may put with certain characters and other stuff, and that shit is beyond depressing, I absolutely WISH my beloved project I may or may never bring to life can get the same treatment as TLOU2, EVER! NOT EVEN FROM THE PEOPLE I CARE ABOUT! JUST DON’T!

Please let this shitty year end so no one can ever talk about TLOU2 EVER AGAIN!

Lastly I have to talk about YandereDev, although I wouldn’t like to get into details because I’m probably gonna get crucified that I’m still supporting them. I also don’t have much to comment on them but it really sucks seeing people I have highly regarded going down in infamy. Especially with YandereDev, I still watch KubzScout’s videos about Yandere Simulator and I like seeing how the game is progressing, and sure, YandereDev can be a shitty person but I can’t help but feel for him and his something is something I wish I wouldn’t be when defending my project, like I don’t want to be the next TLOU2 and the next YandereDev. And then I’ve seen some of the most unfunniest memes I’ve seen in my entire life.

Hololive disasters: This isn’t something that necessarily affected me pretty badly, but it’s worth pointing out, kinda like “I’ve seen some shit” situation.

As of late, Virtual YouTubers have become finally become a norm into our modern pop culture and global society as a whole, we’ve all become VTuber simps. Whether it’s Hololive, Nijisanji, Pikamee, Projekt Melody, Artemis of the Blue, everyone’s simping VTubers now.

Out of all the aforementioned groups and independent VTubers, the most popular group is of course Hololive. Hololive as of late has gained a huge following thanks to fan subtitled clips and even the Azur Lane collaboration early this year. Then Hololive English has launched and it became a success, and the biggest Japanese milestone is the 5th generation! But as soon as the 5th gen debuted, things don’t get any sweet with Mano Aloe where she leaked her Live2D before her debut stream and forgot to delete her leak and other things. For something like this seems too outrageous, but with that she completely decided to retire even after she debuted, which was really sad, but what makes it especially furious for me is that Guchico, Aloe’s designer, got his art completely wasted and I doubt he would make another VTuber design for Hololive after this.

Then there’s the infamous Kiryu Coco and Akai Haato Taiwan thing, which I don’t really understand what the hell happened with that, and I don’t want to be too offensive, but that’s kind of retarded on the Chinese part.

There were a plethora of other disasterous events with Hololive but I think those two of Mano Aloe and Coco/Haato Taiwan are the most important worth talking about, this wasn’t quite a good year for Hololive to say the least.

Artists: Another thing I didn’t like throughout this year was the artists, and this isn’t so much about dramas like last year, but I’ve started to hate a number of artists for various reasons, even Custom Maid people.

I’m not gonna call out people’s names, so I’m simply going to tell the actions which really turns me off. On the illustrators side, I got really tired of seeing artists complain about shit that I like and other things, and my absolute least favorite, artists completely being hard on themselves and being hardcore perfectionists. That is one of the worst things I hate seeing to artists, there’s just something about their ranting about their perfectionism and everything else that really turn me off so badly, as for the times they do their “I can’t draw, I hate my drawings” and whatever, it really pisses me off so much, why artists aren’t just happy with what they’re doing?! And to top it all off, they completely neglect their fans’ encouragement and they continue with the same shit over and over! Like, I don’t understand! I just want to see them happy and deliver the best works they can, but if that’s what they really feel all the time, why are they even drawing in the first place? Might as well they should retire for good and then I’m immediately gonna regret saying this afterwards!

Then there's also some of the artists I follow (At least the ones who speak English) who talk shit about some anime, games or movies that I like, and some what I've seen even join in the TLOU2 hate train for no reason like I previously mentioned, which gives me a huge sour taste in my mouth. Sometimes I even went so far arguing with at least two from what I recently remember when one tweeted where he sounded like he was talking ill of Rui Komatsuzaki's art with the Danganronpa x Akudama Drive crossover art, and another one who for some reason doesn't even care about the Azur Lane game, and the biggest irony is that this is an artist that drew Taihou quite a lot, and that thought process is downright stupid! Like, what's even the point of drawing fan arts of the characters from a game which made you successful but made you start to lose care for it to begin with?! You're so stupid!

In short: I hate perfectionists and I hate when artists talk shit on the things I like. Even if I hate the way they are, I just can't let go of them because I still support them for their art, I wish I would simply care for artists for their art and not so much for them (Except for their health and stuff, although I still feel selfish about it), but I've grown too caring for some of them (At least the ones who speak English) that I would occasionally read their tweets about certain things like games, anime, movies, etc, and some of them leave me a sour taste in my mouth.

Then there’s the Custom Maid people, although there’s not much to say but what pisses me off the most in some cases is that they abruptly started to retire and disappear without a trace and there’s not much I can do about that.

Throwing some Koikatsu artists in there as well, I don’t really follow many Koikatsu artists but the one I truly believe was the absolute worst is “renka.” (For some reason he deleted his Twitter, he might have ranted about something about his struggles but glad I didn’t even witness that to even care about him at this point, although his Pixiv is still open) From the very beginning early this year, the dude did some rants about his struggles and other things I can’t even bother to remember, but over the next few months I’ve grown to like the guy, we even followed each other and communicated for a while (That is until for some reason he decided to unfollow me so we’re no longer mutuals), but as of late, his content and his mental state have completely deteriorated, he stopped doing these “Good morning” posts I always interacted with, he abandoned his one OC, and the worst part of renka is that he’s become so hungry for attention and numbers, I mean, his posts always get over 1 thousand likes and he thinks it’s not enough. And the one thing that broke my heart the most about talking to this guy, I made these collab screenshots (Or just some よその子 (Yosonoko, someone else's OC) screenshots I did for fun) and renka never even bothered interacting with them. No likes, no retweets, no replies, NOTHING! The dude for no reason completely neglects my screenshots I did for fun, these screenshots I made are probably the screenshots I'm the least proud of ever making, the dude was so ungrateful, fuck the guy. Then there's also the time where renka out of the blue blocked a Custom Maid person I interacted with, which gives me more reason to not care about the guy.

I seriously wish I can at least counter some artists' opinions very often and to not get discouraged, basically virtually slapping in their faces like I always want, but I really wish people wouldn't take me as if I'm threatening them with a strong tone (Though sometimes I do it on purpose) to the point I would get instantly blocked, even when I try to make a rather innocent disagreement. This is all for directly interacting with these artists, in my private server, I ALWAYS talk shit to them behind their backs, their art and the artists themselves.

And yeah, even if I were to start drawing regularly and I face the same struggles the artists have which makes me an absolute hipocrite, but the thing is I’m still so inexperienced with digital art and the artists I care about are hella experienced, it’s completely ironic and it’s just frustrating to watch!

Private Discord server and downfall: Probably the most heartbreaking thing that happened to me and I have ever done this year. In 2018, for a while I’ve constantly been making test servers just to copy and paste some things and I always ended up deleting them afterwards, but one day I somehow have finally decided to make a server that’ll stay forever, and indeed has been which has become my personal journal where I can freely and privately talk about some things where I wouldn’t publicly do so in Twitter mainly for my controversial tone and opinions.

In 2020, a few months ago, I started bringing some people into my server, although one time I did bring someone to take a quick look at it and got out afterwards, but this time the people I brought were friends I recently made and the ones I care about now, which they happen to be Custom Maid creators and an artist (The following links contain NSFW content, click at your own risk), such as Ten Speed (Who was the only person active mainly because he’s the only second English speaking person, he’s a Filipino), hinosuna (Main account, he’s been using this more nowadays since June 30th, he seemingly retired from doing Custom Maid content), ryuuunnji, Shimotsuki Nagomi and Maidin (Who at the time he was about to delete his Twitter account for some drama, I asked him to make a Discord to better communicate rather than using Pixiv, then the Twitter account was remade into what you see in the link, no communication, screenshot posting only).

On December 4th, however, things started to take a dive. ryuuunnji had left the server, I asked him on the Twitter DM about it and he has indeed left the server because he wasn’t very active on it, which makes me sad. With that being said, it came into my mind that I would start trying to kick out the other inactive members of my server, so I tagged Nagomi and Hinosuna about it but to no response, but then I DM’d Maidin on his personal and communicational account, I was asleep for a few hours, I woke up and I found out he has cut ties with me. He softblocked me on Twitter, he blocked me on Discord, he deleted the MEGA link that contained all his screenshots (which I didn’t get a chance to download some of them, and I really hope he didn’t delete the collab screenshots he made with my characters), all of that without prior warning... Notihng. This put me in a really awful position.

Maidin and I had a pretty good history, I always liked, retweeted and interacted to his tweets, I brought him into my server because of some struggle he was having and we did interact a little bit in the server for a while,

This happened similarly to another Custom Maid creator known as gg_colombia, I made a TierMaker of ranking Custom Maid creators I follow and some I don’t but still know, even throwing a bit of Koikatsu people, where I put a friend of Colombia in the “Die” tier because that person I put in that tier blocked me a day after my birthday after telling them that my birthday happened the day after in Mexico and I got blocked for no reason, and apparently Colombia got really angry and blocked me, I communicated with other creators who followed me to vent my problem, and somehow Colombia and I eventually settled. But with Maidin... It seems like he really doesn’t want to talk to me anymore, I’m pretty sure I broke his heart. To this day I’m still trying really hard to contact him in different ways but he completely neglects me, and that really sucks how much I think about how I have instantly turned him against me, it’s just sad.

And then I got blocked by Maidin for good on the 28th after tweeting him begging to follow me again which makes things even worse now, at least I’m still not blocked on Pixiv, but I’m not having any high hopes for that, I’ve had enough.

I should never take Japanese people for granted, and I should never invite anyone into my private server ever again.

This one action that completely messed me up so bad, one of the moments that truly make me question my sanity, my being and my overall existence. I was pretty depressed for that entire weekend, it got me thinking for a while I really want to leave behind my current social media accounts and start from scratch with a new identity and stuff, but I got tired of doing that and when I got blocked some people, I didn’t care anymore, but now it’s coming back.

In late November, I made a Twitter thread ranting about my history of deleting accounts and even wanting to do the same thing over and over again as well as the cons for doing so. Now that I think about it, I don’t think it should even matter about the names I will use, it depends on the kind of person I actually am, and even though I try to change and try to be different, someone’s gotta be bound to recognize me for some things I might post or something. I’m also paranoid that people won’t support me at all, not as Hajime Komaeda, not as my pen name, but me in real life as a whole, no matter the names I go by.

I always think about doing aggressive call-outs to some people like it’s no big deal, but then when it comes to the execution, I get in very big trouble for it and I always feel bad, but now, I got what I deserved. 3 long years having the same problem with people’s opinions combined with telling a friend they were being kicked to my Discord server which left him heartbroken, not to mention always ALWAYS being aggressive towards my mom every time we do my older sister’s homeworks, I’m a really messed up person who doesn’t deserve to exist in this world. I don’t want to be a burden nor lose friends any longer.

Even if I've grown really close to Ten, there were times that we did argue and dear god, I really hope I won't get too salty about what we talk about, I don't want to break friendships any longer, especially towards someone who's now my #1 friend, fuck everyone else I talked with before.

Now, let’s move on to the more somewhat positive side of things throughout this year.

The positives

Pixelbuster and Phan-Site: Probably the best thing to come out of this year is Pixelbuster getting cancelled. Although I haven’t gotten a chance to witness this mess live as it was happening, I was asleep for a couple of hours, I woke up and started checking Twitter on my phone and I saw a tweet from MysticDistance talking about Pixelbuster and a couple of retweets and I was like “Holy shit, Pixelbuster is getting owned!” and his Discord server was gone, and with that said, I blocked Pixelbuster in Discord as well.

If you don’t remember, Pixelbuster was under controversy from some people at gaming news site Final Weapon where Pixel took advantage of their name to get free games with codes from developers. So yeah, that was quite a shitty move, but in all honesty, to this day I still feel like I don’t give a shit about that, when the controversy happened, I just capitalized in ranting about why Pixelbuster was so unlikeable, I made a post about it as well for more details as to why I hated him.

I was asleep for a few hours and I didn’t get a chance to see his downfall happen at the very moment, when I woke up, his Discord server was already gone and I wanted to see the shitstorm that happened in there, but it’s all gone.

PIxel even tried going back into social media to apologize to some people I assume he got blocked by under the name SpookyLava/Sp00kyLava with a picture of Sucy from Little Witch Academia as his profile picture. Of course this did not go well as people immediately started calling him out, and just like that, he completely disappeared without a trace for good. I don’t think I’ve seen any activity or a word from Pixel as far as I know, so he’s completely gone and I really hope I wouldn’t see him ever again.

A little while ago I came across his Nitomatta Twitter account being open for some reason, I can’t verify for sure this is Pixel himself since there’s only this one tweet that simply says some laughter and then Soul Kiwami’s tweet of the TwitLonger about Final Weapon’s experience working with Pixel that for some reason is actually pinned (Wait, how is it possible to pin someone else’s tweets? Don’t you simply pin your own tweets? How the hell does this work?), it’s even stranger when this account has been open and the one tweet where posted around the time the controversy happened.

As much as I hated Pixelbuster so much and I hated reading his tweets constantly complaining about the current media and franchises that I had muted Pixel for a while before the controversy happened, sometimes I can’t help but wonder what is actually Pixelbuster up to now, like for example, does he play Genshin Impact? There were other things that came into my mind, but the Genshin Impact thing is the one thing I have in mind the most.

The only thing I ever liked about Pixel were his shitposts, sometimes he was funny and I retweeted his memes. He also even got retweeted by some Japanese artists, including the creator of Pop Team Epic, bkub Okawa, where he retweeted a clip posted by Pixelbuster, I can’t remember what video was it exactly, maybe it might have been a Resident Evil 3 mod video or something.

To Pixelbuster, if you’re still here and you’re possibly reading this: GET FUCKED!

Next is Phan-Site and this one was quite a surprise. For a while I grew uninterested with Phan-Site’s Twitter, so I muted him. His Discord server also didn’t do any favors for me, so sometimes I did my usual complaining about people’s opinions and just being angry, after some time being inactive and just for my feeling of uninterest, I left the server.

Although not everything about Phan-Site’s Discord was necessarily bad, as I met Emanuel Gracia, a Persona fanfiction writer who I actually looked up to the guy for his writing skills and motivation, I never necessarily read his fanfictions (Sometimes I did take a peak at his Persona Next Gen fanfic, or as it’s now called Persona Grand Legacy, for reference in how to write novels), but sometimes I did give him some info about my top secret project as a symbol of trust as writers and I’m even in his Discord server as a mod.

(Gracia, if you’re reading this, I’m so sorry)

Although our friendship is not going to last long after two years and by the time this post is published, it’s most likely going to happen because I grew completely dissatisfied with the guy and his Twitter for my same problem of hating to see his opinions and talks shit about other things I like so I muted him as well, and probably the worst of him is his fixation with One Piece, he’s so fixated to it that he treats it like god and he uses it to shit on My Hero Academia and possibly other modern Shounen (Though he utterly criticizes MHA the most) which really pisses me off. Not to mention I’m pretty toxic in his server with the same stuff I vent over and over and some other problems, so it really doesn’t help.

Anyways, back to Phan-Site, the controversy happened when MysticDistance posted a tweet of a screen video capture of his voice message from Phan-Site which I’m probably not gonna link the tweet because it’s quite scary to listen to, but what I can say is that Phan-Site definitely wasn’t in a good mood, as he was threatening Mystic to answer his phone in a very angry voice.

After that tweet was posted, Phan-Site disappeared just like that. The last thing I remember is someone taking up the mantle of the Phan-Site Facebook page, but some people were telling this person to better delete the account so the brand wouldn’t continue any longer because of what happened, and that’s it, haven’t heard anything about Phan-Site or the person behind him ever since.

After Pixelbuster and Phan-Site disappeared, it made me realize that I wouldn’t like to ever follow or even associate with these kinds of bigshots ever again, neither RedMakuzawa nor UltimaShadowX, or any other of these accounts in general, not even Karoshi of all people who I’m still somewhat attached for some reason, because they’re often very bland, they often tweet opinions in a very harsh and gatekeeping tone, etc. I just really hate these kinds of people, I don’t wanna see them nor I wanna be friends with them if they’re gonna talk shit about the stuff I love.

The Boys: This is something I never expected to do, but it was something I wanted to do for a long time when season 1 came out. One day, I heard my mom and my older sister having a conversation where instead of watching shitty YouTube videos, she should at least watch some series, and that got me thinking about it and somehow I randomly went to Amazon, subscribe for Prime, check Amazon Prime Video and I immediately saw The Boys on the homepage and I started watching it, and boy, I’m so hooked on it and I seriously wish I could have seen the series sooner!

And the most unexpected part is that this is my first time watching an exclusive series in a streaming platform, completely legally! I would normally go to some random pirated websites like swatchseries or whatever where I would pretty much watch everything, but not with The Boys, I actually paid for Amazon Prime Video, well, it was my first time being subscribed to Prime so my first subscription was for free. The best part of watching The Boys using Amazon Prime Video is that I can actually turn on the subtitles and even change the language dubs, so sometimes I watched a little bit of the series with Japanese dub, though I prefer watching the series in the original English language with English subtitles on, but it’s fun watching the series in Japanese dub. (Unrelated but at some point I rewatched Venom in Amazon Prime Video and I was sad that it doesn’t have Japanese dub in there)

I actually started watching The Boys a few days before season 2 even began, so I managed to watch the first season just in time and then I definitely watched season 2 weekly (Except for the finale, I did have to go to swatchseries for the finale because I wouldn’t use Amazon Prime for the rest of October).

Things get more hype when the news of No More Heroes 3 being delayed were being released, Suda51 also stated that he happened to hire the comic artist of The Boys, and I went all-out fanboying my ass off, it’s the best thing that has ever happened to my life by a mere coincidence of watching The Boys!

To end things off, I’ve been very frustrated with Agents of SHIELD and The Blacklist. The final season of Agents of SHIELD started off interestingly, but then until the second half of the final season was an absoltue let down, it was meh, I’m so glad Agents of SHIELD is over, the era of Marvel TV shows that made references to the MCU but weren’t even allowed to have crossovers anymore is over, and now with the Disney+ shows, we’re finally getting the TRUE MCU connected and crossover shows we deserve!

Then there’s The Blacklist, and oh boy, don’t even get me started on that series because lately it has gone consistently shit, and things get worse when in November, they literally premiered the first two episodes and then the series will continue in January 22nd which is too far and too long of a break for a season that came out this November! Not to mention that they literally recast Dom after the original actor passed away a few months ago, but only to kill him off in the second episode of the premiere, this was an absolute waste of a recast! After the original actor passed away, I always thought they would leave Dom in a coma and write him off of the show, but no, they decided to recast a new actor to continue the character and his story one last time, and then they did this shit, write the character again only for two episodes and the rest is history!

Elizabeth couldn’t have put a better way to describe my feelings on the show lately with this scene!

I don’t really know for sure what’s my future of watching The Blacklist is going to be, this episode was so bad that I ranted how bad it is to the point where I said “I’m done watching this show,” I mean, I really want to stop watching this show, I want to drop it, I want to stop caring about it, but once the season returns, I’m gonna feel so bad about missing out what’s going on in the story when I may come across tweets from the official Twitter account of the show. And then there’s this Japanese article where Nijisanji Vtuber, Shizuka Rin or ShizuRin, actually appeared and she watches The Blacklist! But even that doesn’t do me any favors to continue watching this shit any longer!

So yeah, fuck Agents of SHIELD! Fuck The Blacklist! The Boys is my new favorite TV show and I will never get tired of it! I love The Boys, I love these kinds of adult rated superhero stuff with gore, strong language, sex scenes and such, it makes me think of Kick-Ass!

Other major events: There are also some major events I forgot to address in last year’s New Year post, like the US Elections, the death of Adobe Flash and even the next gen consoles.

Then there’s the US Elections, although I don’t have much to say and I normally don’t care about politics in general, let alone foreign politics, but I’m glad we won’t have Trump again, although I’m not sure if I might have heard great things about John Biden but at least I wanted someone other than Trump. Now for Mexico, I’ll have to wait 4 more years to get a new president and remove AMLO, although Mexican presidents are always useless.

Next is the death of Adobe Flash Player, today is finally the day for to say our prayers to Flash, let’s press F to pay respects. There were also some news that Flash playback will stop being supported on January 12th 2021, which makes it even sadder because there’s still some things that still use Flash, like some really ancient Newgrounds stuff and even Chaturbate (Yeah, this is a little weird, I normally don’t use the site often but I had once for Projekt Melody), I even recently watched an old Madness fan cartoon that is now deleted on Newgrounds onto the Wayback Machine and Firefox asked me to use Flash, so I did that. And this current version of Firefox, version 84, is the last one to support the Adobe Flash Player.

Hopefully there will be some good alternatives to play some old SWF Flash content, like Ruffle which is an open source Flash emulator that is actually sponsored by Newgrounds of all people, and I recently found a tweet from Tom Fulp that Newgrounds will soon be using Ruffle. The demo page of the website even allows you to play the original Alien Hominid game before the remaster comes out, it’s not perfect but at least it’s something. As of the writing of this post on December 23rd, I didn’t know I can actually download the Ruffle extension, I always thought it was something that’ll take a long time to perfect and only has a demo page to test it out, but they actually have some download links for the standalone program and even browser extentions, although it’s probably still not the first major release or anything, it might be something (I tried but for some reason Firefox wouldn’t let me download the extension).

Oh, and speaking of deaths, let’s press F to pay respects to Chadwick Boseman, Keiji Fujiwara and HorribleSubs. To Chadwick Boseman, especially, this was quite a shock he’s had colon cancer for the last 4 years, he fought quite a long battle like a true warrior, Wakanda Forever! And Keiji Fujiwara amd Kobe too, god damn, we lost a lot of great ones this year!

As for the console next gen, the Playstation 5 and the Xbox Series X/S, although we’ll stick to PS5 because I’ve always been a Playstation person, don’t judge me. This is something I’m not quite fond of it happening now because my biggest problem is that my family bought the PS4 last year and it felt like it was way too late. Sometimes I do feel tempted on wanting to get a PS5 so bad now, but there’s still gonna be some games coming to the PS4 (inb4 people are gonna be playing those PS4 games into the PS5) and there’s still like a shitton of games that I haven’t played in years and who knows if my older sister and I are gonna have time to play them all. it’s still gonna have some time left because there will be games coming to the PS5 entirely for good in like 3 or 4 years. Looks like I’ll have to wait for another 6 years to own the PS5, and then the next year, the PS6 would be released.

Really the only thing that could have sold me on the PS5 is if it was colored black and most importantly, if it was actually fully backwards compatible with every Playstation game, that could have been an absolute win so I could have replayed some PS2 games I still own, but sadly it’s not.

Home improvements: We’ve also had some home improvements, like adding a gate around my bedroom’s hallway where the staircase goes so my dogs won’t annoy me at my door, but the biggest improvement we’ve made is finally upgrading our internet modem and we finally got proper home Wi-Fi... For better and for worse.

I didn’t know I wanted this to happen but it was about time to upgrade our internet, but the results have been mixed. On one hand, I guess the internet is mostly the same, it’s not faster or anything but at least we finally got proper Wi-Fi on our house, but at the same time, the Wi-Fi can be absolute garbage especially when it barely reaches my bedroom which I’m in the second floor and that doesn’t make sense considering we live in a small house and even if I’m on top, the router should be closer to me! When I’m really frustrated with the Wi-Fi’s poor signal, I continue to use the Windows 10 mobile hotspot thing which I’ve been using for years. Not to mention that my internet on my laptop goes on and off randomly and that really annoys me, I swear when we had our old router, this didn’t happen before.

Despite these problems, at least it’s better than having no internet in FOREVER when the lights go out like it happened with our old router. Sometimes the Wi-Fi signal works, but sometimes it doesn’t, it drives me insane. That is until I finally decided I would start using the Wi-Fi for my laptop since as of the writing of this post in the 29th, the Wi-Fi has been working rather nicely, the speed of my Wi-Fi on my laptop so far is kinda the same as my ethernet, so hopefully it’ll be fine. Until the Wi-Fi goes slow, I’m switching back to the ethernet.

As of the publishing of this post, I haven’t gotten any problem with using the Wi-Fi and that makes me jump into the conclusion that my issue with having my internet randomly turn on and off really comes from my ethernet cable. Sometimes I did run into some slow uploading problems but most of the Wi-Fi is fine.

That’s all I have to discuss about my life this year, it was an absolute disaster and even I do think I wish I was dead, I didn’t want to exist in this planet any longer yet I continue to fight and suffer through a lot of things. What do I even want to accomplish by arguing people by forcing my opinions against theirs and stuff? Power and attention, but it never turns out like I want. People tell me over and over not to care about what people say, but I continue ignoring and doing the same fight with no success over and over, my problem is indeed that I’m too caring. Yes, I’m too caring about everything, and ignorance is almost never my solution. There’s seriously nothing I can do about it.

Anyway, here’s a silly meme about my 2020 to enlighten this up.

Best and worst of the year and anticipated releases

Let’s finally move on to my favorite part of making these New Year posts, the good old top best lists and most anticipated releases of whatever media I love! This year is going to be a little different, as I’m making these top best lists of each category, I’ll be talking about the most anticipated releases of the same categories I talk about simultaneously! And looking at the upcoming releases, 2021 is looking to be the most lit year ever!

Better keep in mind that not all releases could be for 2021, they may be bound to be delayed to 2022 or beyond.

Top 15 best anime of the year

I already have my top 4 contenders figured out for quite a while (Which you’ll find out), but as usual, figuring out the rest is quite difficult. At first I thought I had this list to top 10 maximum but now I got some perfect candidates to make this a top 15 list instead, a little shorter than last year’s with 20, but it’s worth it.

15.- Watanuki-san Chi To: It’s probably gonna be a permanent pattern where the Watanuki-san Chi series (if it’ll get more seasons, that is) will always be the first, or the bottom depending on how you read these top lists, since it’s a dorama and not an “anime,” but it’s still a good series regardless. And no it’s not honorable mention worthy because I really like the Watanuki-san Chi series.

Also, there are many people who make subtitled highlight clips of various VTubers, why aren’t they making fansubs of Watanuki-san Chi To or no streaming platform has picked up the series yet? smh.

14.- Eizouken

13.- Hentatsu (TV): I’m usually biased to Tatsuki’s works now that should have been amongst the top 3, and not to say this series is rather disappointing (I would never call any of Tatsuki’s works disappointing, bad or worst), but given that this is a short series, let alone EXTREMELY short with 1 minute and 30 seconds long (The size of openings and endings), I feel like it wasn’t enough.

There’s also this one episode in the TV series that is kind of the same as the one from the web series with some changes, like Tatsuki kinda threw this episode in there to fill the gap anyways.

(Web series - TV series comparison)

I kinda wish this was instead a full fledged TV series for Keifuku-san since Tatsuki tweeted this and even Crunchyroll thought it would be a Keifuku-san series, but he jebaited us all, but I do admit that I admire the troll marketing, that was quite an unexpected move.

Now it seems like we’re gonna have to wait until 2022 so we see a new Tatsuki release, I hope it is the Keifuku-san series that was supposedly teased, but if it’s gonna be another remake of Tatsuki’s old works like Kemurikusa or a brand new series, I’m down for whatever it may be.

(Also, let me painfully remind you that Tatsuki will never make Kemurikusa 12.2, so whatever happened at 12.1 will remain as a cliffhanger)

12.- Uzaki-chan wa Asobitai

11.- Girls’ Frontline Healing Chapter season 2

10.- Osomatsu-san season 3

8.- Magia Record: I don’t know about Magia Record as a game with its story, and in my opinion this one is probably not as messed up or even “revolutionary” as the main series back in the day, but it’s still an interesting series. regardless. I also reward Magia Record for having the Best Anime Soundtrack of the Year! Just listen to this masterpiece!

8.- Higurashi No Naku Koro Ni Gou

7.- Kaguya-sama season 2

6.- D4DJ First Mix: Sanzigen absolutely dominated this year with a ton of releases I never knew I needed, but with all these releases, we’ll have to pick TWO of the very best for this list BanG Dream season 3 and D4DJ, but first, we’ll start off with D4DJ First Mix!

I have made pretty much all the Sanzigen shows of the year but Bandori season 3 as A-tier anime (While the aforementioned Bandori S3 is S-tier), this was going to be another A-tier anime for the sake of being a new franchise, but after watching 5 episodes of the series, it already changed my mind that this is S-tier, I’m liking the concept and the characters very much!

5.- BanG Dream! season 3: Bandori season 3 is in my opinion is the series’ best season, mainly because I’ve been waiting for the plotline of Rokka being a member of RAS since I researched in the Wiki and stuff and saw these images of RAS that has Rokka in it, and this season overall made me like RAS a lot more, I would go so far to say that their chemistry and development are more interesting than their songs, not that I don’t like them or anything but I haven’t gotten the time to listen to them in Spotify.

But with my new-found love for RAS came at a cost and it was not very good: Their wasted potential in Garupa Pico Ohmori, you’ll find out why in my list of Worst Anime of the Year above.

4.- Fruits Basket season 2

3.- Ishuzoku Reviewers

I had trouble deciding on whether or not Ishuzoku Reviewers or Fruits Basket season 2 would be third place.

On one hand, Ishuzoku Reviewers is the most risk-taking and controversial ecchi series I’ve seen with very good hentai-worthy sex scenes and the series really speaks out to me the most since I’ve grown to have a very NSFW image, particularly with my few Custom Order Maid 3D2 content as well as my daily retweet spam of everything NSFW. With Fruits Basket, the story and character development continues to fascinate me and I can’t wait to see the final season next year.

But on the other hand, and mainly with Ishuzoku Reviewers, there are the cons like the show being biased with disgusting fetishes and even elfcist (That’s kind of a weird word I came up with. To put it better: elf discrimination), with Fruits Basket, I really don’t have much problems with the series overall except for the Student Council characters, they’re the absolute worst (Except Machi, she’s a good girl), and then there’s episode 9 of the season with Kyo talking to Akito and that was absolutely painful to watch (The main reason why is because the episode was too dark for me idk).

2.- ID:INVADED:To this day I still can’t get over how amazing the series is, from its animation from a struggling studio, to its story which actually got me a bit into theory crafting, my theories didn’t get paid off nor they were answered in the series which leads to plot holes, but I was very fascinated for the series.

1.- Akudama Drive: This is my grand savior of 2020, this is the one Tookyo Games project I was excited the most since the studio was founded and announced three other projects! Yes, call me biased due to my old love for Danganronpa, but I love this show! So much so that I would occasionally tell an old friend of mine to watch the series, I haven’t asked him too much about it nowadays, but I doubt he would still watch the series because he’s quite busy.

Honorable mentions

Sakura Wars: The Animation and Argonavis from BanG Dream: Counting double because they’re both Sanzigen shows. And they probably would have been in my main list, probably make one entry focused on all Sanzigen shows, but I had to pick Bandori season 3 and D4DJ separately if only Sanzigen didn’t abuse the hand drawn background characters way too much in Sakura Wars: The Animation, and the atrocious episode 13 of Argonavis.

Heya Camp

Nekopara

Brand New Animal

Attack on Titan The Final Season: I’m not convinced this has got to be Best Anime of 2020 material based on 4 episodes alone, I’m still going to wait until the series ends so I can officially declare this as Best Anime of 2021.

Aggretsuko season 3

Munou na Nana

Arknights Holy Knight Light: This came out in the 1st anniversary livestreams for global Arknights, which was around Christmas Eve. But despite the timing of the release, this is actually more like a New Year mini anime special, so it’s definitely worth rewatching a billion times every New Year!

Fate Grand Carnival: LAST MINUTE POST-PUBLISH EDITING BUT YOOOOOOOOOOOO, A BRAND NEW CARNIVAL PHANTASM WITH FGO SKIN?! SIGN ME UP!

OH WAIT, THERE WILL BE A SERIES TOO IN SUMMER?! LET’S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

(Source)

AFTER A YEAR WITH A DISAPPOINTING FATE SPECIAL IN 2019 WITH NOTHING BUT PURE FGO BABYLONIA, NOT ONLY THEY DELIVERED A TOTALLY NEW FATE SPECIAL ANIMATION, BUT ALSO A BRAND NEW CARNIVAL PHANTASM SERIES!!! BEST OF ALL, IT’S LERCHE THAT’S DOING THIS SERIES AGAIN! THE KING RETURNS!!!

OF COURSE THIS OVA ITSELF IS S TIER AND I’LL INCLUDE IT IN THE WINTER 2021 TIER!

Dishonorable mentions

Donkyuu Hentai HxEROS - Worst: This is my #1 dishonorable mention because, first of all, I should point out that pretty much the entire series is rather okay, in fact, it’s got some pretty good fanservice scenes (despite the jarring censors), I did like the series a bit and shouldn’t be considered the “worst” of the year, but there’s one character in particular who pretty much kills my interest in the series:

I stressed enough how much I hate Kirara to death! I’m not even gonna go bother going into details as to why do I hate Kirara, you can either read my previous anime review posts to see why do I absolutely hate her. She was truly painful to watch.

I have quite a list of waifus but I never necessarily hated a waifu ever, sure, there are those I don’t like or care but they’re not hate or worst worthy, but Kirara has become the first waifu I would officially call her as the worst waifu EVER. End of story.

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Danmachi season 3 and Castlevania season 3: Both have delivered some storylines I wasn’t particularly fond with (In the case of Castlevania S3, this is my unpopular opinion given that it was otherwise well-received), but that doesn’t mean they’re flat out disappointing like the following list.

Top 6 disappointing and worst anime of the year

6.- Welcome to the Japari Park season 2 - Disappointing: For a while I was kinda sad and wondering when will there be new episodes so the series can continue where episode 24 left off with Ceval being launched into Riukiu region, that is until on April 26th, I randomly found out the series was continuing, I was really excited to see the series continue! I was quite happy with the series returning and all, but what’s the catch with this second season (?) being so disappointing? Well, for the sole reason that this season is one cour shorter than the first season, lots of plot holes and rushed pacing that makes this final season unsatisfying (Given that this is a short series after all),

The problem is I didn’t know this was going to be the final season of the series, although I should have seen it coming from the very beginning but halfway through, it was time for the endgame.

So, after Welcome to the Japari Park ended, what about the future of Kemono Friends in the anime side of things? Should we expect a third Kemono Friends season this 2021? Although there hasn’t been signs of a third Kemono Friends season coming and it’s still debatable whether or not it should be a continuation of the first two seasons or make it an adaptation of the game with the same name, which it’s extremely baffling that the game called “Kemono Friends 3″ exists in the first place (Maybe it is the third Kemono Friends game in the series? I don’t know).

5.- BanG Dream! Garupa Pico Ohmori - Disappointing: I never watched the Garupa Pico series, so when Ohmori was announced, or rather, announced that RAISE A SUILEN and Morfonica were announced to appear in the series, I had to binge through the first season, and it was... Okay? I mean, it seems like a good series but I wasn’t really impressed.

I never knew there was a second season happening, that is until I randomly checked AIR’s Twitter and they posted a tweet of Garupa Pico Ohmori having a new visual that features RAS and Morfonica, which that means RAS and Morfonica are confirmed to appear in the series. I was of course excited to see RAS in this comedy spin-off, along with a band I haven’t seen in the main anime series yet, but one of the upcoming movies is going to feature Morfonica. Now, after seeing that AIR tweet, I don’t want to get into detail, but I saw a reply of some rando saying “The good Bandori series is here!” and I went into an argument with the guy, and the dude annoyingly repeats the word “Forced drama” to the main Bandori series. I was quite pissed throughout all that morning, but thankfully I didn’t become spoiled and my opinion on the main Bandori anime series hasn’t changed.

Anyways, moving on to actually talk about the series, it started quite strangely with an alien artifact of a guitar and all of a sudden the town where the girls usually go to CiRCLE has turned into a city with CiRCLE being nowhere to be found, the next few episodes were nothing really special, but then we finally got into episode 7 where it finally introduces RAS and Morfonica, I was so excited seeing my girls RAS appearing in the chibi spin-off series, episode 10 came out and it had Rei, which was nice and all, but then as more episodes went on and on, there was another episode that featured CHU2 and Pareo which is episode 22, the finale came which the RAS girls showed up again, and... I just realized... THEY ABSOLUTELY WASTED RAS AND THEY NEVER GOT A DEDICATED EPISODE! Even Morfonica of all bands actually got a dedicated episode for fuck’s sake! (Episode 19)

This is an absolute embarrassment, I grew to love RAS so much since Bandori season 3, I didn’t know the second season of Garupa Pico was coming which was announced for some time and they happened to reveal RAS and Morfonica, which leads me to believe they were never meant to have as much screentime like I hoped they would be, but they absolutely did RAS so dirty, I hate this!

I may be fixated the new characters, so what about the rest of the series with the original characters? Well, there’s not much to say other than for this season, I couldn’t care less for the OG cast as much as the new bands like I wanted to, and sometimes I did laugh into some episodes, but I wasn’t really impressed with the series AT ALL, like about 80% I didn’t find the humor at all.

So yeah, this was quite a disappointing season with not only being not very funny and interesting, but also wasting new characters, especially the one band I grew to love in Bandori S3. And to the guy I argued about the main Bandori anime series where he constantly said “forced drama” and he called the Garupa Pico series as “the good Bandori series,” I’m sorry but this ain’t it, chief.

One thing I do gotta compliment the series for is how nice the animation is, but also introducing Morfonica into the anime media before the main series did and after the Second Live film, I really hope Sanzigen could make a fourth season so it’ll properly introduce Morfonica into the series and that’s where I would start caring about them.

Speaking of Sanzigen, for some reason I always neglected this series in particular when talking about how many other shows Sanzigen released this year, at least the CG ones. And yes, believe it or not, the Garupa Pico series is actually made by Sanzigen, or at least co-produced by Sanzigen since there’s other studios attached, so this is more of a miscellaneous release compared to the rest of Sanzigen’s library that came out this year, the CG shows.

4.- Toji no Miko Tomoshibi - Worst: The Toji no Miko franchise continues to fail to impress me, and this OVA doesn’t really do any favors, the second part of the OVA completely bleed out my interest for its horrible writing and animation.

3.- Guraburu - Worst: Throughout the year, Cygames has released a couple of trash adaptations this year, but first let’s talk about Guraburu.

At first I thought this is the most offensively bad Cygames anime I watched, but it’s a little extreme, the better word I would describe this series is “bland” because everything about it is bland. The tone and direction seems awkward but the animation is almost Queen Bee-tier bad.

This is one media I truly think it should have stayed as it is and didn’t need to be brought to life in anime.

2.- Princess Connect Re:Dive - Worst: At first I thought Guraburu is the more offensively bad Cygames anime I watched this year but bland is kind of a different level of bad, but this one gave me a sour taste in my mouth. The series is pretty much a Konosuba wannabe, from the tone and goofy minor character designs, it just really turns me off, it just feels like this is not for me.

To make matters worse, it’s getting a second season this 2021, well, let’s see if this will make me feel better or worse with this adaptation.

One person who randomly found me on Twitter told me that this anime is more of a prologue for the non-Priconne players and doesn’t spoil some of the major arcs, I’m not sure if I can verify that since I haven’t really played Priconne but I’ll take it as a solid opinion to attack me for talking shit about the Priconne anime.

I’ve kind of come to realize that Cygames and their IPs don’t really resonate well with me at all, I’m probably not the biggest Cygames person or maybe I’ve grown to have a very complicated relationship with Cygames as a whole which makes me think I don’t even like how they’ve grown into. Probably the anime I’m okay with is Manaria Friends, in retrospect before I rewatch it, I think it was an alright series, but what I will never forget about the anime is how the series was originally gonna come out in 2016 but was delayed for 3 long years and I think that fact alone is more interesting than the series itself.

And for one last time, don’t even get me started on the Shadowverse anime, the way it is, is automatically trash because it’s not like the Shadowverse game I’ve seen my older sister play occasionally, and they even made a game based on this and I’m even shocked the series lasted this long. Glad I didn’t even watch it and thank god it’s about to end soon.

Interestingly, the English version of Priconne is coming out in 2021, with Crunchyroll Games handling the localization. While it’s interesting the game is finally getting localized after 3 years the game came out in Japan, but Crunchyroll Games doesn’t have quite a good history with their games, especially since the whole Danmachi game censorship false advertising controversy from 2018, so I don’t think I might have high hopes of playing the game if they might have any potential features removed, not to mention having THREE years of content behind from the JP version, this is worse than waiting 2 years for FGO content from JP to EN. Besides, I don’t even have space to play the game on my phone because it’s saturated with FGO, Azur Lane, Arknights and 5 thousand screenshots (Which I stored in my laptop because I didn’t have enough space. Though the only way to fixed the low space was just uninstalling and reinstalling Azur Lane which I did but I wish I didn’t drag all my 5k screenshots and I was trying so hard to put them back but it would take forever, so might as well save my 5k screenshots in my laptop and start from scratch).

1.- Isekai Quartet 2 - Disappointing: If Bandori Garupa Pico Ohmori’s waste of new characters wasn’t bad enough, Isekai Quartet season 2 does it a lot worse and this one in particular completely broke my heart the most, this is indeed the most disappointing anime of the year.

Just the #1 thing to explain why Isekai Quartet 2 let me down: WASTING THE SHIELD HERO CHARACTERS HARD!

Both Garupa Pico Ohmori and Isekai Quartet 2 just wasted the new characters so bad I have trouble on deciding which one’s worse, or if I would make a tie, but I had to go with Isekai Quartet 2 because the more I think about it, the more painful it gets, even more so than Garupa Pico Ohmori.

Garupa Pico Ohmori broke my heart the most because I’ve grown to really like RAS with Bandori season 3 the season prior to Garupa Pico Ohmori, Isekai Quartet 2 broke my heart the most because I binged Shield Hero In December of last year and I really liked it months prior to Isekai Quartet 2, BUT THE WORST PART IS that they COMPLETELY overhyped the Shield Hero characters and they turned out to be minor characters! I can’t believe I’ve grown to really like characters only for their potential in sequel appearances to be absolutely wasted in just a span of months! Not to mention both of the shows are absolutely unfunny and couldn’t care less for the OG cast more than the new characters which I wanted to like so bad if only they didn’t fuck up with their poor screentime.

With Isekai Quartet 3 coming this 2021, even though I will continue watching the series regardless, I don’t have high hopes for the series anymore, if they’ll continue adding new characters from properties I don’t know of or care to even bother binging their anime of origin, they’ll always end up overhyping them only for them to become minor character status.

Most anticipated anime of 2021

There’s like a lot of anime coming out next year and I kind of lost track of what’s coming out so I had to research and refresh my memory, there’s also other announced anime that are yet to resurface into the light of day (And no, don’t expect Girls’ Work, we all know that’s never gonna happen 100%).

In my previous HajiKo Anime Fall 2020 post, I mentioned my anticipated Winter 2021 releases, you can check that out as well, but what I’m going to talk about here is a general most anticipated anime of the year coming out.

Azur Lane Bisoku Zenshin: I talked about this in my previous post which I suggest you to check it out for more in-depth details as to why is this my most anticipated show of the season, but in this case, let me simply put because I love Azur Lane and I want more Azur Lane anime in my life, even if people would hate them or not (Preferably don’t hate on them).

Dr. Stone: Stone Wars: I was seriously amazed by the series and I wish I had watched it sooner or even completely binged the series when I did the first time with the first 3 episodes at some point, although having binged the first season early this month was a pretty good time to do so as the perfect prep for season 2.

Shield Hero season 2: Isekai Quartet 2 may have disappointed me with how hard it wasted the Shield Hero characters by overhyping and making them minor characters, but by surprise, we’re getting the second season which really deserves it!

Evangelion 3.0+1.0: Hopefully no last minute delays this time, and it’s actually about to be screened in Japanese theaters soon, but what matters to me the most is whether we’ll see it just in time for the Mexican release of the film. I’m pretty sure every Mexican is gonna be thriving so hard seeing this film given my some of my previous anime film experiences in the cinema.

There’s no way Mexico wouldn’t have Evangelion 4.0, it’s one of the most celebrated franchises in the world, probably not in the same vein as Dragon Ball which is overly popular in Mexico, and Evangelion 4.0 probably won’t have that high of a marketing or having a lot of cinemas available to my theaters, even with just one or two cinemas available, they’ll end up being filled to completely and a lot of people will scream their asses of in what’s going to happen.

Fate/Grand Carnival (Series): The best and most insane Type-Moon comedy series returns! But this time it’s all FGO-centered now!

Given that the old Carnival Phantasm was all Fate with Melty-Blood, not everyone may like the direction of this series given that FGO is a huge success. BUT WHO CARES?! I LOVE FGO AND I LOVE CARNIVAL PHANTASM, THIS IS A DREAM COME TRUE!!!

And why is the second season coming out in my older sister’s birthday, August 25th, of all things?!

Kimetsu no Yaiba Infinity Train film: Just hoping for the film being released in Mexico. And I really hope ufotable can continue making seasons or films of the series given that the manga has now ended this year.

I just really hope they don’t make the Kimetsu no Yaiba franchise as another vaporware like Girls’ Work and the Katsugeki Touken Ranbu movie, although it’s unlikely they’ll do so given that Kimetsu no Yaiba has become a huge blockbuster series as of late, from topping One Piece’s manga sales to the Infinity Train film being the #1 highest grossing film in Japan OF ALL TIME, it’s crazy a Shonen series got to this scale! Fate (specifically the Stay Night series) and Kimetsu no Yaiba are ufotable’s cash cows, so it’s unlikely they would drop them and make them vaporware like their other projects.

Tokyo Babylon: This and Winter 2021′s Project Scard are actually two of GoHands’ TV series I’m excited, although I’m more hyped for Tokyo Bablyon than Project Scard because I would occasionally forget Project Scard’s name, at least the full name, that is until now which I haven’t been forgetting about it.

There’s something I have to address first because this was supposed to come out on April but it got delayed because of costume designs being referenced without permission for some reason, I find this reason incredibly weird and I don’t really understand what the hell is that supposed to mean.

As far as the trailers go, the animation is looking akin to the K series, not exactly the same but somewhere...? Which I think that’s what people are gonna like unlike Project Scard which is in the vein of Hand Shakers and W’z, but I don’t really mind, though.

The fact that this is an adaptation, an anime adaptation of a manga by CLAMP to top it all off, is quite surprising. I haven’t really watched any of GoHands’ adaptations and I’m not sure if I would have the time to do so, but I’m more biased towards the original stuff, and come to think of it, this is actually going to be the first adaptation by GoHands I’m ever going to watch.

B: The Beginning Succession: It’s been 2 long years (at least at the time of writing and publishing of this post) since I watched the first season and I really liked it, back when it was released in 2018, they even announced season 2 was happening and I completely forgot about it for so long!

World’s End Harem: I may or may not have heard good things about the series, probably the tone of the negative reception of the series is more like people are meme-ing this series in a terrified way for its concept or something, all of it in a very funny way, so I’m definitely checking this out. What could go wrong? And I really hope it has better waifus than HxEROS.

Fruits Basket The Final: Now we’ve finally come to the point where this anime is definitely going to adapt the manga finale for good where the original 2001 series couldn’t because the manga hadn’t ended at the time.

As I was researching in the Fruits Basket Wiki, there’s a three chapter arc focused on Shigure, Ayame and Hatori which takes place around the same time as the manga’s finale. This was actually published around the same time the first season of the remake had started airing, I don’t know anything about this and I haven’t read it yet, so I can’t assume if this is worth reading and even worth adapting, although I do wish this is actually adapted in the final season.

Uzaki-chan season 2

Zombieland Saga Revenge: I may have a complicated relationship with Cygames nowadays with their premiere IPs, but the most decent IP they made is this one, and as a birthday present in 2018, I was impressed. Not actually quite what I was expected from looking at the first promo poster, but it was quite an entertaining idol series.

I’m of course excited for the second season and what I’d really love to see the most is paying off the teaser from the final episode, that teaser is too good to be wasted in this season.

SSSS.DYNAZENON: I’d still watch this because it’s a follow-up of sorts to GRIDMAN, but my main gripe would be the character designs, some of them look cool but I’m not very impressed, none of them scream absolute material like Rikka and Akane because boy, there’s really a shitton of fan art and cosplays of them.

The Way of the Househusband/Gokushufudou: I’ve seen a lot of people talking about the manga, they get hyped about it a lot, it’s got a live-action series and now it’s finally getting an anime, so might as well check it out.

Godzilla Singular Point: About time a Godzilla anime that’s not made by Polygon Pictures, and to make things better, this is actually made by Bones AND Orange, talk about a dream team!

Speaking of Polygon Pictures...

Pacific Rim: The Black: This is what Polygon Pictures are currently making, which is coming to 2021 and I might check it out as well, even though I’m pretty lukewarm with Polygon as a studio and the Godzilla films were an absolute mess, what the hell were those? After the widely hated sequel of the original film (Though I actually liked it) and with this upcoming anime, I hope the future of the Pacific Rim franchise can be in good hands, even if it’s from a studio I may have a mixed relationship with.

There’s just something about Polygon that doesn’t sit well with me. Sure, the CG animation can be absolutely gorgeous and even I can admit that they’re way better than Sanzigen and Orange where they don’t even do hand drawn background characters, but something still feels off with me, like the tone or whatever. I’m probably just blindly hating on Polygon years after watching the Godzilla films and I should at least check out HUMAN LOST to get a better impression on Polygon overall.

Kaguya-sama season 3 and OVA: I was very impressed with the second season, so might as well follow the Kaguya-sama series now.

Dragon Maid S: Hopefully what I’m about to say isn’t of bad taste. The Kyoto Animation arson was one of the worst events of 2019, while the majority of the staff members are safe, there are those who did not, including the director of the first season of Dragon Maid.

One year later after millions of dollars in donations, KyoAni seems to be doing fine as of late, with their latest release being Violet Evergarden The Movie which was released this September.

Although I haven’t seen any footage of Violet Evergarden The Movie for me to judge how KyoAni’s animation style after the arson would still hold up. And that’s where the second season of Dragon Maid comes in.

Even though KyoAni isn’t my most favorite anime studio, I do hope they have recovered well and got a handful of new and good staff members so they’ll keep their magic going.

Okay, I’d better stop right there before it can get any worse. NEXT!

Shenmue anime: Shenmue 3 finally came out a few years ago but literally nobody, at least from what I know, have even talked about it, whether it was worth the wait or not, just nothing.

Given that people hate video game adaptations, this in no way shape or form could regain interest in Shenmue, or maybe it will by making people play the games in order to forget about the anime, however it may end up being.

Speaking of video game anime adaptations...

The World Ends With You anime: I never played TWEWY in my life and a lot of people really love the game, and 2021 is looking to be the best year for TWEWY fans with not only this new anime, but also a long-awaited brand new game! (Not sure if I would call it a “sequel” of sorts but it’s 100% a brand new game).

Since this is a game adaptation and usually people hate video game adaptations, I never played TWEWY before and this is my one way to experience the story, and the animation is looking nice too. So here’s hoping for me as a non-TWEWY player that I wouldn’t be gatekept by hardcore TWEWY fans with how terrible the anime is and whatever, I don’t care!

Now, like I mentioned earlier, there should be anime that have been relatively recently announced or has been announced for over a year, and they should resurface into the light of day this time. Starting with...

New Touken Ranbu Hanamaru anime: For a while I always thought the Touken Ranbu franchise is dormant at this point, mainly with no new anime, especially the Katsugeki Touken Ranbu movie being another one of ufotable’s vaporware works or they probably ditched it for good in favor of Kimetsu no Yaiba and who knows if we’ll ever see anything from it.

Not that I think the Touken Ranbu series is dead, there’s still figures and other merchandise and most importantly, the game is still alive, although I don’t hear much about it but it’s definitely still alive thanks to fujo power, but I think the anime is probably what keeps me intact about the franchise’s relevancy. (And this is coming from a guy who’s hardcore into stuff for male demographic with lots of female characters and has a strong thirst for them. Hey, I gotta change teh pace every once in a while, okay? I do care about male characters sometimes, even my own)

One day, in January 2020, I randomly came across a post from Crunchyroll that a new Touken Ranbu Hanamaru project is coming! Finally, about time for some more Hanamaru! Now I should point out that YES the post explicitly says “project” which it could be an anime, a game or whatever, and I said that this could possibly be an anime, but I still want to hope it is a new anime because that’s the #1 thing I want the most.

Now that I think about it, since this was vaguely said as a project which means it can be a different media... Is there by any chance like some sort of manga or whatever media has actually been released throughout this entire 2020 and I may have never heard of it? I really hope there isn’t any other media that I might have overlooked, and if I do find out it exists, I’m going to be utterly disappointed.

Magia Record second cour: Given that this is a Madoka Magica series, I expected Magia Record to be an all two-cour series... But unfortunately it’s not, and to make it worse, the second cour wasn’t even made until the first cour finale aired and they announced it’s in production. Like... Really? Even some ufotable shows and even the second cour of Re:Zero season 2 wouldn’t announce something like that!

Inferno Cop season 2: I honestly kinda wish this shouldn’t made because it’s been so long since they announced it and no new information has come out of it so far, but my main reason why I don’t want this to be made is because the seiyuu of Inferno Cop himself passed away, and hearing Inferno Cop with a different seiyuu may not feel the same.

Megalobox season 2: I’m still wondering if this is even needed given how the first season ended and how much TMS has been working on Fruits Basket and even Dr. Stone.

Made in Abyss season 2: With the film recently being released, it is now confirmed that season 2 (?) is a go. I can see this being potentially released in 2022, but I’m still going to mention it anyways.

Anenarumono OVA: It’s been forever since this was announced, like very early into 2020 in fact and when we get to 2021, it’s going to be a full year since this was announced and so far nothing has come of it.

This is most likely going to be an adaptation of the SFW manga series since there is an R-18 doujin series as well, if this would be a hentai OVA from the R-18 doujin series, I probably wouldn’t have seen big anime news sites like Natalie Comics, AIR or even Anime News Network reporting on it and Pochi herself would have tweeted or retweeted the trailers of the hentai OVA or something.

The animation in the Okaa-san Desu Ka (Isekai MILF) series was absolutely garbage, so I really hope the animation in this one is good.

And finally, I decided to put this one to last because it’s something that it recently just got announced, it may or may not come in 2021 but I’m very excited might as well be my #1 anticipated anime of 2021:

Chainsaw Man: A while ago, I read the first chapter of Chainsaw Man a while ago, and I thought it was cool and stuff but I wasn’t sure if I would read it for my entire life, as of late I’ve been seeing quite a lot of fan art

The announcement of the anime as well as the manga ending as Part 1 were actually all leaked a few days prior to the release of the final chapter of the manga, which was December 13th, later I started hearing stuff about how the editor is straight up telling people and news pages to not do any reports about it until the official formal announcement, which that definitely confirmed it was a thing, it was pretty much an open secret.

The funniest thing is, as I was reading the manga a while ago, I thought to myself “I kind of see Chainsaw Man getting adapted by MAPPA with the looks of Dorohedoro,” I never watched Dorohedoro but from what I’ve seen with how the series look with the CG and its aesthetic, it’s perfect for Chainsaw Man, and now... The dream of MAPPA adapting the Chainsaw Man anime became true, so it’s either a dumb fantasy that came true or I actually predicted MAPPA doing the Chainsaw Man anime, you can interpret however you’d like. But with that being said about MAPPA doing the Chainsaw Man anime, it may or may not look like Dorohedoro, I don’t think I would mind if the Chainsaw Man anime wouldn’t look like Dorohedoro.

Now my biggest concern with the series is that it might get heavily censored because it is a pretty grotesque series and sometimes sexual, but for the most part it’s absolutely gorey, and that’s the kind of series I like. In my Fall 2020 anime review post, in my review of Akudama Drive, I criticized how Japanese media can be inconsistent in how much can they get away with gore in some cases, and in others they’ll just paste black blurs. If the censorship can be extremely bad in the Chainsaw Man anime, it would probably be the one thing that would disappoint me so bad, and I don’t want them to tone down the gore either because it would be equally lame, if not, lamer. When I read the manga, every time I see the blood, I always think of the red blood given that it’s usually colored in black, but when I see colored promos and stuff, I see the blood in various different colors other than red, I’m not sure why it is, but if that’s what the series in full color is, especially for the anime, I think it would be perfect for the anime to be censorship-free but it’s still unlikely, who knows, we’ll see what happens.

Around the time of the announcement of the anime, I made a rant about how MAPPA can be a hit or miss for me in terms of their animation, and now that I think about it, their portofolio even, but the animation is a bigger issue for me. I also thought I would see MAPPA as a somewhat alternative to Madhouse, which is funny given that it was founded by a former Madhouse producer, but at the same time that’s not enough for me to care about MAPPA as I do with Madhouse, or old Madhouse, I’m probably not a fan of current Madhouse, and this goes back to their animation styles. Even if I’m lukewarm with MAPPA, their Chainsaw Man anime is something I’m genuinely excited for, it was something that randomly came into my mind and somehow it became true.

I might have a really high expectation that the Chainsaw Man anime should look like Dorohedoro, I really should try to lower my expectations and try to not care for how would the anime end up looking. Something with the likes of Kakegurui would be nice, maybe Jujuutsu Kaisen too (Even though I don’t really watch the series but it seems like it’s quite popular right now), I just really don’t want something like Granblue Fantasy season 2 because that show absolutely made me sick.

Anyway, I really love Chainsaw Man now, I wish I had read the manga sooner, especially when it came out, but now having read the manga now was a good time to do so given that the manga ended (at least in Part 1) and the anime being announced. (Although I probably forgot what the story is at this point (Except some “key moments”), so the anime can help me refresh my mind)

Top 4 best video games of the year

This is my least favorite list to make in these New Year posts because I never play a single new release because for years I never had a PS4 and even now I still don’t have money to buy games or to buy a Switch and games if I want to, so whenever I make these lists, I always tend to watch Let’s Plays from YouTubers I like the most (GTFO Jacksepticeye), I rarely watch all cutscenes only videos nowadays, and doing so makes me feel like this is cheating because doing these lists is more about experience by one self. Sure, some people would say you would still try to like a game just by watching, but in my honest opinion, it’s just not the same. But now this list is going to be different!

So for this list, I’m only gonna choose the games I actually happen to play for once, I usually make these lists by including a bunch of games I haven’t even played at all, so it’s finally time to make an unbiased list of video games of the year, not including ports and/or re-releases of old games or an obscure game suddenly getting attention, even if this list is awfully short but it’s the bare minimum I could make.

I’m not sure what to make of this list, I haven’t played some of the games in this list but I’m just gonna put them for how impressive they are even by just watching anyways:

4.- Helltaker: This game became quite a sleeper hit amongst the internet, spawning countless fanart and Helltaker dance parodies. The game might be very short, but the future of the characters doesn’t end there, as the creator would occasionally make comics and sometimes small art with the characters.

3.- The Henry Stickmin Collection: Believe it or not, I grew up with Newgrounds during my childhood, but I’ve never really played a Henry Stickmin game EVER in my entire life.

2.- Arknights: Over the last year, 2019, I’ve been seeing quite a lot of fan art of the game, there’s a lot of really good character designs, I really like them all. The game at the time was only released in China, however, at the end of 2019, I was hearing that Arknights was being localized into Japanese and English simultaneously, a “global” release, if you call it. It’s localized none other than Yostar of Azur Lane fame. Anyways, enough with that talk, let’s talk about the game.

I did get to start playing the game on day 1 launch, I was quite intrigued the story, the characters, etc. Although I was at a point where I wouldn’t play the game as much and only do logins, but after a few months, as I was progressing through the game and when the Grani event came out, I actually quit playing the game because... It was very hard! There’s a lot of strategies I have to do because there can be really hard enemies, not to mention I was quite underpowered with operators not well leveled enough.

I stopped playing Arknights for a while, that is until late April to early May where my older sister has started playing Arknights, that’s where I immediately decided to play Arknights again, and now it has become my third game I religiously play, the first being FGO and second being Azur Lane. Over the course of the entire year, I’ve been leveling up some operators and as of now I have 10 operators I have E2′d, so I made some significant progress, although I’m still rough in having fully built operators because grinding for the materials is a huge pain in the ass, but sometimes it can be rewarding.

My luck with the gacha is hit or miss, sometimes I get the characters I wanted, sometimes I don’t for the absolute worse. Now with the first anniversary coming, my most wanted operator is W, she and Ch’en are my most wanted operators, but after trying to get Ch’en so many times with definitely NO LUCK AT ALL, but my greatest disappointment was W yesterday, I never got W at all and only got a Phantom and TWO Weedys for six stars and I was so furious! I’ve been wanting her for so long, and the saddest part is that she’s limited and I won’t be able to get her ever again! After all my efforts in saving a lot of orundum, materials and even making this meme, everything has gone into an absolute waste and I really bummed out!

On a lighter note, W was originally going to be a Girls’ Frontline character but she was scrapped, which makes her a lot more interesting. (Someone even made this). I gotta say, releasing chapter 7 and W now instead of actually waiting until the day the game launched which is in January 16th, they certainly ended the year with a bang! (And with a bummer of not getting W, but still...)

UPDATE - JANUARY 2ND 2021: SHE’S FINALLY HOME!!!!!!! OFF TO A GREAT START INTO 2021!!!!

End of update.

In fact, Arknights was created by former Girls’ Frontline developers, quite surprising. I wouldn’t say Arknights is a competitor nor a spiritual successor to Girls’ Frontline, both have completely different concepts, also, I wouldn’t expect for them to ever make collab events for each other in either game. Then there’s the character W which I mentioned previously, she actually happens to be spawned from a scrapped Girls’ Frontline character for the AR Team, I like how people joke about W being the AR Team’s long lost sister. As of late I’m feeling really obsessed about W, and for a while, the fact that she was a scrapped T-Doll makes her a lot more interesting.

Given that Arknights was released last year in 2019 and we got the global versions early this year, having 1 year away from content isn’t necessarily bad and I’m better off playing the English version right now, but as of late, Yostar appears to be rushing some content released from CN into global, which that’s a plus for me, they’re slowly catching up to CN, just like how EN Azur Lane started with slow content but recently they’ve been releasing content ALMOST simultaneously (Not that I particularly care for EN since I’ve been playing JP a month after launch back in 2017 anyway), but the biggest problem is as I started following some Arknights dedicated accounts where they report stuff from CN and even took a bit of some livestreams, recently CN’s going crazy with amazing content that it may take a few months or a year for global to catch up, so I really hope Yostar does their best to try to release content for Arknights semi-simultaneously between CN and global a la Azur Lane.

I mainly play the EN version of the game and tend to follow the official EN channels (Though I follow JP’s too), but I found some problems with the PR behind EN. My biggest problem is that EN make some absolutely painful to watch livestreams with no seiyuu like JP does and having total nobodies as hosts (Except Intern-kun which he is kinda known and was a meme but I don’t think he’s quite a meme anymore), sometimes there were two other hosts with big animal heads, and some other plethora of issues addressed by Tectone in this video, in short, some of the exclusive YouTube content the EN Arknights channel comes up with like the livestreams can be absolutely garbage.

By the way, Arknights gave us a pretty good content creator who was quite a meme, he was actually sponsored and got his infamous ad which I didn’t even know this was a thing and still find it hard to believe since I use uBlock Origin to block ads. Even though he probably wasn’t the best go-to content creator for Arknights news and stuff, nobody agreed on what he says and he was occasionally criticized, he was especially fun to watch his suffering in every roll. At some point around the beginning of the second half of the year, he started to do livestreams and uploaded highlight clips of said streams of games like Fall Guys and Among Us, which I thought it was a nice change of pace considering there wasn’t much Arknights content at the time, but at that point, Genshin Impact was around the corner and he started making a lot of videos for it which now he’s pretty much become the Genshin Impact guy, and then he finally released that video completely declaring he absolutely retired from Arknights for good which I linked earlier in the PR issues, so after that, I stopped caring about Tectone completely. It’s a real shame because I actually wanted to see him pull for W this first anniversary, but there are some things that pissed me off about him, he never even cared about the story, or rather the game as a whole to begin with, talk about being ungrateful to the game that made you successful and get a cult following to begin with, but the dude was harassed, so I’d better cut him some slack.

Speaking of sponsors, I actually wished Yostar continued to sponsor Arknights but on better YouTubers like Whang, ThatGamerFromMars, the Vanoss crew, and all the other ones who get sponsored to death by Raid Shadow Legends (Raid Shitty Legends, am I right?), and the last channel they sponsored was fucking WatchMojo of all things. I mean, seriously?

Although not everything about the EN PR is bad, most of the Twitter and YouTube stuff is pretty much stuf about the game like upcoming new operators and events, and English subtitled trailers which for the most part is nothing really worth noting but this is pretty much my go-to for the news and trailers. They also have a Fankit website which I can download wallpapers and stickers, and yes, I do use the wallpapers, sometimes I do use some stickers but I like keeping them. They even team up with DJs and they actually release some pretty good music with cool CG animated music videos. Said artists happen to be from Steve Aoki’s record label Dim Mak, and even Steve Aoki himself did some music for the game and actually appeared in the Arknights 1st anniversary livestream from the EN channel to make comments about his latest track and saying he loves anime which I didn’t know Steve was a weeb. (Here’s the full livestream if you wanna watch it).

Anyways, enough PR talk, this is a pretty fun game! I probably never had prior experience in playing tower defense games, though the closest would be the PS3 demo of Plants vs Zombies, so I can say this is my #1 tower defense game and I’d absolutely recommend to everyone.

1.- Genshin Impact: My main contender for my #1 GOTY was No More Heroes 3, but since it got delayed to 2021, there was nothing else that’s #1 worthy for me, but enter Genshin Impact, a AAA gacha game at its finest, this became quite a big surprise of the year!

At first I wasn’t hugely interested in it, but then I was constantly seeing fan arts and people talking about the game in my timeline and I was feeling left out, so I tried playing the game a bit on my phone but I barely had any space left, so I had to uninstall Girls’ Frontline from my phone (sorry), so I had barely some space left, but the game ran extremely slow for my phone, as expected, it’s a very intensive game. Later I tried installing the game on my laptop, but because of my problem with my ethernet in my laptop constantly turning on and off, it took HOURS upon HOURS instalilng the game, that is until I got fatal errors at the last minute which completely made the installer download from 0%... TWICE! And I was done with it.

Then I was chatting with my older sister and she mentioned that the game is on Playstation, so she downloaded it, and upon seeing her play the game, it looks gorgeous, especially on her flat screen TV! It’s better having to play the game in better graphics and in a bigger screen, so I made a separate PSN account for myself and played it and I’m very hooked.

Probably the biggest things I’ve been seeing when the game came out were Paimon emergency food memes, I’ve been seeing a lot of memes and fan art related to these and they range from hilarious to downright disturbing (As people would meme Paimon as an “emergency onahole” as well). Nowadays I continue to see fan arts of Genshin Impact, particularly those of Mona, occasionally Barbara, Lisa, etc, but Mona is the most frequent.

But the problem is I'm so far behind of adventure rank and everything else from everyone else, even Ten and my older sister, I don't have a lot of characters and I don't have enough Primogens and the gacha system can really suck pretty bad with it being mostly saturated with weapons over characters. Not even FGO and Action Taimanin would they give me craft essences and weapons would be this bad, although in the case of FGO, I do get more CEs than Servants and stuff, but the way Genshin Impact presents me with low star weapons and literally no characters, it's just a hideous sight to look at.

The other problem is that since we only have one PS4 and our home consoles have always been shared, my older sister and I switch turns, but when it comes to single player games, we've always been using my older sister's PSN account, but with Genshin Impact, this is definitely our first time playing games on different accounts for the both of us for once. But the thing is, my older sister ALWAYS plays Genshin Impact, I admire her dedication but that barely gives me some time to play the game myself along with other factors why I don't do so, such as sleeping for hours, busy with other games and stuff, etc.

Playing Genshin Impact, given that it's an open world game, definitely reminds me of the good old days when I used to play Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain, I destroyed that game with pretty much beating everything, but with Genshin Impact, I'm feeling like I'm out of practice with patience and playing games for hours due to my addiction of social media and other gacha games.

Then there’s also some performance issues specifically on the PS4, sometimes there can be quite the lag on location rendering (Like when I spawn in Mondstadt and textures take seconds to render sometimes), frame drops when I did co-op in the Unreconciled Stars event, etc. I don’t know about PC or PS5, but I’m pretty sure the game would run somewhat better on PC especially.

I rarely encounter bugs in a game, but Genshin Impact is the one game that I can definitely find more noticeable bugs and other flaws more than any other game I’ve ever played in my life.

Aside from performance issues and despite not playing the game as religiously like I want to, it’s still a very solid game. Gacha has been a genre that I’ve religiously been playing for 3 years and this really speaks to me, as I used to play a lot of video games for hours in the past and just a few months after playing DMC5 on our PS4, I’ve come back to the console and spend some hours playing on it again.

If I had a PS5 for myself but with a better TV in my bedroom right now, I would have absolutely made a lot of progress on my own and boy, my older sister must be way too far ahead with our adventure ranks, the campaign and even getting better characters than I do... ;-;

Honorable mentions

And here we are, the lamest part of doing these top game lists, whether main or honorable mentions, it’s always acknowledging games for their existence and sometimes simply from watching Let’s Plays which kind of defeat the purpose of making these lists based on actual experience, but who cares? Let’s talk about the games that I may not have played but peaked my interest in the least.

DOOM Eternal: Around the time of DOOM Eternal’s release, I somehow finally got into Doom by playing the classic games (Except Doom 3, I wouldn’t mind playing it, though), so I think I totally consider myself a big fan of Doom now (Even I played some WADs was breifly interested in wanting to make one), but what about Doom Eternal? Even if I had watched videos of Doom 2016, I of course liked the game for how it looks, but with Doom Eternal, it is absolutely better.

Based on what I remember seeing from Doom 2016 and with Doom Eternal, they’re like the modern equivalents of Doom 1 and 2, particularly with the final bosses being the Spider Mastermind in Doom 2016 and the Icon of Sin in Eternal.

When I first saw Doom Eternal being announced in Bethesda’s E3 2018 conference, as far as I can remember, I thought it would be like a random new game that has nothing to do with Doom 2016 or something, but as time went on and I kind of forgot about what I thought but now thinking back, looking at the trailers and even the actual game, my expectations have exceeded. Looking back at Doom 2016, it now pales in comparison towards Doom Eternal, from its UI to some of its more faithful monster designs from the classic Doom games!

Although even if Doom Eternal is great, there were some problems about Mick Gordon not being able to do the sound mixing for the soundtrack and all that drama, that could have ruined the game for being GOTY or something. (I’m exaggerating but it was quite a serious problem back then).

Speaking of Doom Eternal being GOTY, I’m seeing quite a lot of people saying that this is their GOTY, which is funny because I originally had Doom Eternal as my #1 GOTY in the main list which I later changed it to Genshin Impact in my TRUE best games of the year list with games I actually played, I still think this is GOTY, but without actual experience, it’s not worth counting it on the main list.

Resident Evil 3 Remake: Surprisingly RE3 Remake was rather divisive, probably the biggest reason I can think of as to why the game is divisive is because it’s rather short. Sure, the game is short but calling it a disappointment is an absolute understatement, as long as the game continues to have beautiful graphics from RE2 Remake, the gameplay is satisfying and has quite some spooks, it’s still good enough for me.

Call me crazy to judge the game this way considering I’ve only ever played the demo in my PS4.

Devil May Cry 5: Special Edition: I was quite surprised they actually went ahead in making a Special Edition of DMC5, I mean, I thought they wouldn’t based on what they said about “no more developments” for DMC5, but with the PS5, that all changed. And of course, it cannot be a Special Edition without playable Vergil who not only has a really awesome gameplay, but he has the absolute BEST theme that actually surpassed Devil Trigger. Man, Vergil always gets the best themes.

The only caviat with DMC5: Special Edition is that it’s only made for the next-gen consoles. or it has rather become the current-gen consoles as of now, that is all because Capcom wants to take advantage of the PS5 and Xbox Series’ technologies with the ray tracing and turbo mode, but not all hope is lost as they actually made Vergil available for previous gen consoles as DLC, so that’s an absolute win!

A few days after he was released as the DLC, I got a chance to play as Vergil and I pretty much speedran through the Devil Hunter difficulty in 6 and a half hours, and I think I’m almost not out of practice on playing Vergil since DMC3SE. By almost I mean that most of the time I was familiar with the controls and the movesets, but at the same time they tweaked a little bit of some of those familiar controls from what I remember and added some cool new combos. Oh, by all that I meant that he’s absolutely fun to play.

I kinda wish they did make Trish and Lady playable as well, just like in DMC4SE, but they kinda turned out to be useless throughout the story, so this could have been the only chance for Capcom to redeem themselves with the characters, but I guess not.

Among Us: The game came out in 2018, but out of the blue, it has now become a massively popular game. I had always thought Henry Stickmin was part of why Among Us is popular, but not really, it was a streamer with a lot of followers to make it happen.

To be honest, I kind of wish Henry Stickmin was as popular as Among Us, the only thing from Henry Stickmin that was apparently a big meme (Which I wasn’t even aware of and never seen such memes in my Twitter timeline) is the distraction dance.

Persona 4 Golden PC: For a while I’ve been seeing news about leaks and stuff like that, I was skeptical about it, but it has finally become real.

For a while I did want to buy the game, but I didn’t want to spend quite the amount of money and I was kind of skeptical of how demanding the game might be, but out of the blue, my good old Japanese friend gamer Hinosuna came to the rescue and gifted me the game (He also had gifted me Mortal Kombat 9 after it was removed from Steam a few months earlier, and with Persona 4 Golden, this is probably the last game he’ll ever gift me).

Upon opening the game, the first problem I immediately encountered is the cutscenes running extremely atrocious, they were running extremely stuttery, it was so bad I had to find an all cutscenes video with Japanese language (Since I had the game set in Japanese audio), but then when it was time for the gameplay, the game isn’t insanely demanding like I thought it would be for my laptop, it’s an absolute win! From what I heard about this problem with the cutscenes, it’s probably a problem that’s only affected on laptops, so I believe people must have the cutscenes running like normal in their insanely powerful desktop computers, lucky you.

A few months later, they eventually fixed the cutscenes... Supposedly. The cutscenes for me run a little better, but they still work just as badly. Instead of having the cutscenes extremely stuttery, like I previously had, instead I may have a bit of lag but the visuals can get very glitchy, like scratched DVDs.

By the way, this happens to be the most successful PC port on Steam, given how successful it is, I completely forgot that the Catherine PC port exists and looking back at it, I can’t help but laugh at how the PC port of Catherine wouldn’t get to this level of success P4G has, especially because it’s a fan favorite enhanced version of a Persona game and because you probably wouldn’t find a copy of the game for PS Vita if you still have a PS Vita lying around which makes this port ten times more accessible, this is how successful it turned out to be, in my opinion. I could be wrong and there can be other reasons why it’s successful, but this is my main theory.

Now, since I’m traumatized from my PS2 dying in 2014 when I was doing Shadow Yukiko or Kanji in New Game+ after doing the bad ending, this is my chance to redeem myself, I want to get the true ending this time, especially with a new port of the better version of Persona 4 Golden! ...Or so I thought I wanted to be.

When I was playing P4G, I was trying to get 100% on my first playthrough and it puts me quite a lot of compromise, there’s just something about playing the game windowed while looking through guides at the same time that not only makes it distracting, it completely slows me down, not to mention I’ve actually been burned out from playing the game overall...

As of now I’m on June 29th and already doing Shadow Rise’s world, I think it’s decent progress but that’s how far I am by early December this year after not playing the game for... MONTHS. At this point I also try not to care about following guides and just do whatever is best for me and I can try to do better when I do New Game+.

I want to go back and finish the game once and for all, but I’m very busy with other games and other things, I’ve been held back very much on them and even when I try to play the game, sometimes on midnight, I immediately lose my patience. I don’t know what to do...

Hopefully next year, I’ll try to go back and try to finish the game once and for all, I don’t want to make Hinosuna’s gift a waste, I’m really proud of him gifting me the game.

Final Fantasy VII Remake: I can’t remember when was the first trailer shown in E3, 2015? We’ve come a long way and FFVII remake is finally here. Apparently I heard this is a two-part game, so I hope we won’t wait for a really long time for the second time, probably not the same amount of time as we waited for the first part, but worse, perhaps even longer.

Animal Crossing: New Horizons

Action Taimanin (English and PC): I played Action Taimanin back when it was released on mobile in Japanese in 2019, but since I was done with the campaign and there was nothing else to do, I decided to stop playing it and uninstalled it from my phone to make space, but to my surprise, I randomly happened to find out that an English version AND PC port of the game was released on Steam in October 6th, I kinda wish it did came out on my birthday so it could have been more enjoyable, but whatever.

Having known that Action Taimanin was gonna be released on PC with English translation, that’s where I thought “It’s time to return to Action Taimanin!” unlike the one time I said I would because Rinko Akiyama was released as a playable character in the mobile game, but now I have her AND Mizuki Shiranui, which I got them both at their launch dates, I also got Emily Simmons as well but not right on time for her launch but it was still worth the wait.

Speaking of Asagi, one other surprising thing I found out about Asagi when I started playing the PC port is that they actually patched out Asagi’s voice by recasting her with a different actress, apparently it happened since late June for rather unknown reasons. For those who don’t know, Asagi was originally voiced by Ami Koshimizu and now she’s voiced by Sayumi Watabe (Who’s claim to fame is Els from Beastars and Manaka from Aggretsuko season 3).

Square Enix Avengers: I wanted to like this game because I always had thought this would be part of the Spider-Man PS4 universe, a Marvel Gaming Universe of sorts, even if it isn’t, I was still interested and I didn’t tolerate how people would trash the game. The game now came out, mixed reviews and a plethora of far worse problems, like how very little the game made and low playerbase on Steam and what not. None of that stuff is my problem, I would really love to play the game now.

Dishonorable mention (?):

This is hardly a dishonorable mention in an ill matter, but something that completely shocks me, so might as well be in a disappointing sense.

Cyberpunk 2077: I was never interested in The Witcher series, but I admire them as a video game adaptation of a novel which aspires me in wanting to write novels for them to get adapted primarily into games, however, Cyberpunk 2077 was the CD Projekt Red title I was genuinely interested.

The game came out and I saw a tweet from Nibel that it’s got quite some good reviews, but over the next few days... Things started to get very sour...

The game launched at a very buggy state, it even got removed on console digital stores, the game is unplayable on consoles and money loss... Everything just feels disheartening, and it’s not fair...

This is the one game from CD Projekt Red that I wanted to start caring about as well as the studio, but after the PR mess and constant delays leading up to a messy release (at least on consoles from what I mainly hear), and everything else that’s been happening, now it seems like people are turning against CD Projket Red which they were once highly regarded, I just hope Cyberpunk 2077 can recover so it’ll eventually turn into the next timeless masterpiece like it was supposed to be after The Witcher 3.

Although not all hope can be lost as I still see some people playing Cyberpunk 2077 fine, at least on PC maybe, and that’s enough to make me confident that not everything is all bad.

Most anticipated video games of 2021

Now we’re finally on my favorite category, and first and foremost, my most MOST anticipated game of the year is of course...

No More Heroes 3: With NMH3 finally being delayed to 2021, that was my last final nail in the coffin to care about 2020 as a whole, BUT, not ALL hope is lost! As on October 28th 2020, Suda51 actually released THE FIRST TWO GAMES into Nintendo Switch! This is an absolute win-win, I can finally play ALL No More Heroes games in the most recent console possible... Except I still don’t have a Switch and I seriously need it so bad now. 😭 (And now I’m hearing news that the first two games might actually come out on PC, which I don’t think I’ll need a Switch anymore, at least for this, I still need it so bad to play NMH3 on launch) I’m so glad Travis Strikes Again sold so well to make NMH3 happening, hell, it it didn’t, the post-credits scene could have been a total waste and I would have been forever heartbroken!

For a long time I was skeptical for the soundtrack, I always thought it wouldn’t sound anywhere near as good as the first two games without Masafumi Takada, but in reality, Takada never actually composed the soundtrack for NMH2 to begin with, in fact, he had already left Grasshopper around NMH2′s release. But regardless, I still thought the NMH3 soundtrack wouldn’t sound as good as the first two games (Sorry TSA, I haven’t paid attention to your OST), but then I listened to WILD TOKYO, the first album by RED ORCA, a band formed by composer Nobuaki Kaneko, and I was very impressed, so I guess it changed my mind. Actually, the album contains three tracks that have been heard on the trailers, like “ORCA FORCE,” “beast test,” and “Octopus.” That’s not to say that the album is the ENTIRE soundtrack for NMH3, only these three are what are currently known based on the trailers, so who knows if the rest of the album is actually the NMH3 OST or there’s gonna be entirely original tracks for different things.

However, there’s one thing that I’m scared the most is the probability of recasting Quinton Flynn from Henry (in case he might appear in NMH3 since Travis Strikes Again) due to some allegations towards him, I really hope everything that I’m hearing is just made up bullshit that people want to cancel others they hate for no absolute reason. Although I’m hearing all of this from word-of-mouth and nobody sources, if there’s something that’ll immediately convince these allegations are true, is by seeing legit sources like Anime News Network, OR EVEN other actors speaking about it (Though they would most likely easily jump into the conclusion and easily agree to the allegations without any solid solid proof (Yes, I’ve seen a screenshot but I don’t want to believe it)). If Henry does appear in NMH3 but he gets recast before launch or worse, AFTER launch, I’m going to be very sad and it’ll probably be one of the things that NMH3 may disappoint me.

And lastly, I̵ ̵S̵W̵E̴A̸R̴ ̶T̵O̸ ̸G̶O̸D̵ ̷I̷ ̴R̴E̷A̷L̷L̶Y̶ ̴H̵O̷P̷E̴ ̴T̴H̴I̵S̸ ̵W̴O̷N̶’̶T̴ ̶B̸E̶ ̴T̶R̴E̷A̵T̵E̸D̷ ̴I̸N̷ ̷T̴H̶E̵ ̶S̴A̶M̷E̶ ̷W̵A̸Y̵ ̷A̷S̸ ̵T̷L̷O̴U̴2̸ ̸O̸R̵ ̴T̷H̴E̸ ̷O̶T̷H̴E̸R̷ ̴T̵H̸I̵N̶G̸S̴ ̴F̸R̵O̸M̸ ̷T̶H̵E̸ ̵L̸A̵S̵T̴ ̴3̶ ̸Y̴E̵A̷R̸S̶ ̷W̴H̷I̸C̵H̶ ̴I̷ ̸M̴E̴N̵T̸I̵O̷N̷E̴D̴ ̴A̴G̷E̴S̶ ̸A̷G̶O̵!̷!̶!̶!̷!̴!̶

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¡̶̗͎̭̲̯̑̀̑̋̃͂̆̕͝¡̶͇̹̗̙̖̀̇͂̈́̚̚͝¡̶̜̀́̐͆̉͂̊͜͠͝M̵̢̰̭̪͎̥̩̂͗͋ͅĂ̶̻͗̕ͅĻ̴͉̗̼̤̈́͑D̶͓͎̋Į̶̨̛͔̝̫̳̝̭̮̈̈́̈́͊͑̂Ṱ̵͗͑̋̒͑Ȏ̷̲͌̄S̸͚͙̲̀͋͘͠ͅ!̸̨̖̠̮̩͍͒͝ͅ!̴̧̼̬̩̖͎̉̾̓!̵̨̛̝͓͎̙̺͉̃̔̒̏̑͒͒͜ ̷̛̘͙͈̰̦͎̪̖̍͊͋̈̾Į̸̠̝͙͖̙̗̏̓̓̏̋̂̚'̶̹̩̆M̴̭̠͈͈̐́̌ ̸̺̰̮̔͛́̂̊̂̄̑͘Ģ̵̘͈̳͎͇̰̮͇͗̑͂̉͘̚͠Ở̴̝͖̟͖̾͌͌̐̒̏͘N̶͙̽̇̾͐̐̆̐͗͘͜N̸̙͊͌̀̇͜͜A̶̢̜͉̣̘͖̹̎̃̈́̀́̂͆ͅ ̶̭͖̹̰͔͓̅C̶̛̹̜̉̂͒̀͋͑̔͠Ȕ̴͕̟͇̯̭̭̓͜T̷̡͖̱͇̳̗̺̓͂ ̶̗͕̩̘̀̈̍̆͋́̒̒Y̸̹̣̬̿ͅO̶̢̢͈̣͗̀̽͜͠͝Ų̷̗̺̩̤̹̙̤͎̍͐̚͠R̵̝̱̘̥͙̠͈͐̀͆̄͌̉̐͜ ̷̙̹͆̓̓̑D̵̟̺͇͕͌Į̶̨̡̬̫̞͍͋͑Ć̶̢͕͖̮͘͜͝K̵̰͍͑͑͗͆͑̂̏̚̕S̶̭̭̼̤͔̳͊̀̈́͋ͅ ̷̝͖͇̹̪̲̜͕̀͆̔͑͜Ơ̵̧͔̖̣͌̓͛̃̊̆̕͜F̷̛̫̙̣͖͊͛̾͗͌̈́̃̎F̶̡̤̭̟͔̬͖̼̙̎̈́̿͗̌͋!̵̢̛̪͇̣̦̥̿̌̊͆̔̒!̷̡̤̪͓̒̋̽̿!̸͓̻̱́̽̋̓̌̕ ̵̡̼͓̪̟̓͊́̚͝Ḯ̵̬̫̪̰̯͍̂̉͝ ̶̨̺̟̘̱̤͙̻̆̋͆͒̀̀S̶̪̪͖̩̮̗̬̰̉͒̓͗̚W̸̢̭͔̪̱̺̅̌E̴̯̥̿͛̅̔̋̎̿̕A̸̖̠̝̙͖͗̋̔R̷̼̔̌̀̿̈́̍̽͠ ̸̤̾̄̀̒̀̍̃͝T̴̫͙̦̗̦̤͌̔̈̈́͜ͅƠ̶̗̜̝̽̂̑̑̓͆ ̷͔͉̗̞̭̣̣̔̎̒̌͠͝G̸̢͙̅͐͆̐O̷̹̭̼͙̔̏̈́̔͜͝D̷̤͍̦͝ ̴̨̦͈̟͙̱̘͎̅̿̉̅̂̋̈́̄I̷̬͖̐̒͌̾F̴̜͉̻͈̟͍̈́͑̃ ̷̹͈̦͇͈͗̎Ÿ̶̛̬͇̫̼̝̤̑̎̂̐̕͘͠Ơ̸̢̙̹͉͉͉͙̠̦̂̍͂̄U̷̠̬̥̪̥̞͆̍̒̿̆̾̕͝ͅ ̵̤̀̄̆̍̐͂D̷͕̞̎́̍͘O̶̧̢̨̗̠͓̓̍͌̓͘͜ͅ ̴̢͖̟̗̭̦̱̦͊̏̉͆̊̓̐͜͝T̸̙̳̙̟̪̟̪̈́̽̌͒̅̅͂͘̚ͅH̵̘̤͎͎͊̅I̶̡̧͎̗͓͔͖͐̓̀̑́Ş̶͓̻͓̼͙̘̜̱̾͒̿̊̕ ̸̡͍͔̤̹͒̽̈̽͑̈́T̷̨̢̨͓͈̝͚͇̘̔̑̊̐̂O̴̖̎͆̏̇̐͐̄͘͠ ̶͔̗͉̩͕̒͗̄̒͛̈̎̚M̴͉̠̾̔Ę̵̤̼̲̘̤̜̈́̃͂,̴̬̦̳̲͖̖̲͒̾̏̔̌̉̽͐̚ ̵̡̨̜̤̯̬̌̾͆̿̓̉͝͠͝I̴̺̝̐̽̃̒̀͝'̴͎̂͐̿M̷̡̳̜͚͍̼̬͋ ̴̢̢̫͇̈́̐̓̀̅͝G̷͍̞̔͗͗͑̀́̏͐̾ͅO̶̠̐́́̓̂̊̈́N̶͓͓͔̗̪͍̈̂͑͝N̵̢̛̛̳͎̞̒̔͑Ą̵̒̆ ̴̛̳̝̍̌̈́̌B̴͎̖̤͎̜̟̳͇͋Ḻ̷̒̅̔́́O̷̖͑͆͑̈̈́̆Ĉ̴̨͖̪̪͇̣͎͚̘̀Ķ̷̼̺̝̠̮̥͓̈͐̅͆̎̀̚̕̚ ̸̡̘͇̣̹͇͌͊͛͠Ý̶͕̥̦̜̗͉̉̐̿̆̄̃ͅÖ̸̧̳͈̞̳̤̤̌͐͒̍͘ͅU̴̜̔͛͂͗͐͜R̸̨̫͈̥͍̰̀ ̷̨̩̘͓̇̽͘À̴͙̈̀̈̃ͅS̴̠͈̙̎̽̒̓͂̐͛S̶̡̼͉̟̝͚͖̔́̍̀̄̓̕E̷̳͍̞̊͂͝S̸̛̥̠̻̤͆̐̌̋̉̿͘͝ ̶̣̩̖̘̦̂̆̇̔̀̅̕O̴̦̬̦̟͆̂͂͋̈͂́F̷̡̛̠̝̹͖͉̱̗͌̿̀̎͆͘F̸̹̖͓̖̎̉ ̴̤̹̗̯̊̔̏̀͆͒́̅͝Ǒ̷͖͙̻̭͎͕̌͗͒́̍̚F̶̜̳̭̺̱̖͔̒͋ ̷̢̹̩̝̗̙̎͂̽̐͝M̵̫͓̮̪͕̹̳͗̽̔̈͊̓̎͘͝Y̵̡͙̟̝̓̊ ̴̻̪̗̙̭̊̓͌̈́̀̒͠L̷̢̠̩̳̦̺͚̦̚Ȉ̸̝̲͗͊̃F̴̺̘͂͑͂E̴͓̓͋̑̔̏̎̌̏ ̶̫͚͎̜͔͂͂́Ą̴̨̦͈͌̆͒ͅN̷̺͕̻͙̄̽̋̄D̸̳͎͖̰̎̑́̔́ ̶̦͉̘̖͍̹̏̆͛̍̑̎N̷̞̟͋͂̓̈͊͘͝Ę̶̤̟̠͉͇̓́́̄͝͠V̸̤͋͑͠͝Ě̵̛̬͕͒͆̒̽͑Ŕ̸͕̼͈̠̰̦̼͚̍̐͜ ̵̢̰͙̯͇̝͖̑̆͑̇͘͘͝ͅS̷̡̲̣̖͚͊̌͐̇̚E̵̟̒̇̈͂͂Ĕ̴͓̬̪͖̙͚͚̓̇͒͋̅͋̿ ̷̢̳͚̼͂̆͠Y̵͇͔̎̊͌̀Ơ̵̢̫̟̠͖̣͒̇͋͛ͅǕ̶̡̧͈͚̜̻͍̝ ̵̼̬̤̥͚̟̎͌͜A̷̧̪̰̻͓̗̿́G̸̜̠͓̙̜̬͇̭̒̐͠A̸̹̩̾͗͆̆̒I̷̹̬̗͖̐̽̈́̓̎̓͐͗͘ͅͅŅ̸̧͈̹̭̝͇̝͕͗̏̓͐̽͛͊͐̕,̴̡͓̼̜̖̮̮́͗͒̍̀̇̚ ̷̳̰́̉Ỳ̵̦͓̞̻̩̐͜ͅỚ̷̺̰̻̝̰̤̣͓̾̂͗̽̍Ů̸̢̡͈̟̪̬̜̝̼̈́̃̂̓̄́̚͝'̷̟̳̓͂́̅͐R̷̹͖̆͊̕É̶̛̯͈͆̓͒̄̂̈́͌ ̸̠͍͍͙̪̀̏̅ͅǦ̶̝̯̦͕͙̈́͛͛͝ͅÖ̷͉̗͎́̔̏̓̒ͅṊ̸̡̝̾̂̅̆Ǹ̸̢̗͖̲̋̂̿̽͝A̴̖̮̰͎̪͂̂̈ ̷̨͖̖̹̦̈́̉P̵̞̩͔̱͔̲̦̟̤͂̄̈́́̓À̷̺̽̄͌͋̃͝Y̵̳͓͐́͐͆͘ ̴̼͈̻̲̟͎̩̿̍͗͌́̃̄̇͛Y̵̱̲͐̒̌̕Ơ̶͎̫̦̠̈́̄̒Ử̷̜̙̪͉̪̖̓̒̚ ̵͙̗̫̉̒̓̐͒̂̓̕F̴̱̠͎͝U̷̦̬̘̓̽͐ͅC̵͍̿̈́̂͌͐̅́͋̚Ķ̵̨͂̈͐̔̆̒̔̅́Ǐ̸̧̱̻̪̪͖̈́̾̃̀͘N̴̟̭͉̲̰͉̍̽̊͒̕Ğ̸͓̰̖̎̂ ̴̧͎̥̜̹͒̃̑̌̈́̒̅̊C̷̨͈̪̫̥̲̜̱̿̐͋U̶̲̮͈̪͆͋͐̊́̍͌͐͘N̴̬͈̝͓̆̄̔̍͝T̸̙̖̼͎̻̬̀̌̃͐̔̅͋͗ͅS̴̨̰̋̆͒̆͝,̵̞̭̜̭̹͕̱̃̚͝ ̵̗̬̆̚͠ͅY̵̗͕͌̾͂̂͂̒Ò̶̥̙́̄͝U̸̗͗̂̐̀͐͜͠ͅ'̴̹̱̤̇̃̓̀̏̽̀̽R̵̡̫̙̙̯̗̒̉̾̔̎͗͋̈̇ͅE̷̖̒̒̒͑̔̇ ̴̯͑͜Ǵ̵̨̝̟̙̰͓́̓ͅO̸̡̘̤̗̭͔̬͖͒̎̓͗̊̇͐͘͘Ṉ̸̱̆̔͑̈́͘Ǹ̴̡̩̼̃̀̍̕ͅÄ̴͕̠̂ ̸̧͓̭̟͔̹̖̥̔̂͐̃͆P̶̮͎̫̳͚̃Ą̷̨̪̖̟͋ͅY̵̧̘̟͇̮̥̏͛̓͜ ̴̢̨̜̞̹̭̼́͑̽̀͜͝F̵̛̞̤̺̈́̆̇̋̋̔O̴̜̜͇̽́Ŗ̴̯̟͈̱̳̲͆͑̂͐̈̍͂͝ ̵̞̻̇̌̋͑T̷̝̯̭̖͖̼̏͐̄͆͗̀͠H̶̨̧̛̗̤̮͕͕̙̉́̊̾́̚͜͠E̸̗̪͉̩̤͖͆̅̐̄̎̂̃̾̚͜ ̵̧̪̱̦̪̞̫͔͕̀̋R̸̗̭͓̖͔̻̟̮̈́̀̅̋̀̇̒͜͝Ȩ̸̟͇̮͇͂̿S̵͕̯͕͌̓͂̀͊͒̀̊̍Ţ̶͇̭̖̰̊͛̓̅͒̈́͝ ̷̟̜͍̦͇͍͒͑O̶͎͋̊́̈͌̚͝F̵̨̧̖̯̗̞̯͎̭̌͊̅̾̂̂͌̕̕ ̶̤̹̖̱̦̐̆̓́̉̐̑̕ͅỶ̵̨̮̠̬͚̤̱͎̄̒̚Ơ̶̢̬̦͙͚̝̒̏̈́̚Ŭ̶͕̗̣̎͘͝Ŗ̴̨̱̪̹͉̰͆ ̸̪͓̱̒̀̊͑͑Ļ̵͖͖̉I̵̡̨̭̺̼̺̟͌̏̾̽͌V̴̢̢̛͚̫͌͗͑͜͜ͅẺ̸̮͖̹͇̰̀̐̊S̸̨̲̜̖͍͚̙͉̥͊̀!̶̮̱̻͑!̶̩̦̫̓͑̇̿͛ͅ!̵̹̲̯̦̗̹̗̹̃̈́͛̐͝!̵̼̿͑̃̉̕͜!̷͍̮̝͖̙̫̫̺́̅̐̔!̶̭̻̫̭̗̗̼̏̈̆͒͝!̷̗͚̣͇̑̓̒̂͑̔́̈̄

Ä̶͇̪̘̹̦̰̥̪̞̺́͆̉͂̀̆̈̈̈́̌̽͊̏͠Ą̶̨̧̪̻̗̯̘̭̺́̅͒͊͌̈́̑̈́̓̑̿͆̕͝ͅÄ̵̢͇͍̉́̿̔͋͌͛̾̿̂̚͝͝Ą̸̢̯̬̹͖͉̻͇̘̱̙̖́̓ͅĄ̶̛̯̝̰̜͍̬͇̹̈̀̋͑̅̉̚͝Â̷̢̡͈͍̞̮͖̥͌̊̈́͐͝Ã̶̛̦̠͕A̶̖͎̗̜̳̘̪͈͙̍̍̒̀̑͜ͅA̷͚̰͕̻̯̪̔͆͆͗A̶̘̝̞͖̹̙͖͚̥͎̫͈̓͗͐̒́̈́͌̊̓̇̽̒͌͋͝A̸̭͕͋͋̎̀͂͛̈́̕͠À̵̼̓̑͋̅̍̿̀͗͗͊̂̓̚͝Ạ̶̧̨̧̤͖̠͍̜̱͐̆̽̿̆̇́͗͝͝͠Ä̷̱̼̝͇̱͐̈̐̈́̏͆̽͌͂̏̈́̀̐̅A̵̛̛̱̥͐̂̈́̃̐̀́̏͝Ä̷̼͕͉̭͖̣̼̺̺̩͍̯̭́̽̒̎̑̓͘ͅͅA̵̳̰͋̌̀̍́̈͑̿̋̃ͅĄ̷͈͎̮̬̠̻̀͐Ạ̵̢̢̣̻̻̯̰̦͉̮͓̯̔̏́̍͒̋̀͆̓͒̆͝͝͝A̶̝̝̻͉̼̫̹̱͇̓̑́̌̌̐̍̄͝A̴̛͕̫̰̹͈͙͖̪͒͂͆̈́͋̚Ą̸̖̻̹̹̣̹͓̩̩̲̓͆́͋̇͋̃̽͝͝A̸̻͔̲̥̠͐̏̈̅͆̀̍̒̀͌̕Ä̸̮͖̱͐̅̀Ǡ̶̧̡̛͍͉̠͇̗̉̇̔̽̇͛̔̂̉̌̚A̷̛͈͈̫̲͙̾̈́͂ͅA̸̢̢̝͉̼̫̔̆̑͑̔̊̓̎̚͝͝ͅA̵̢̧̛̗̮̮̭̫̹͔̹̮̫͌͂͌̔̔̄͒̌͑̌͘͜͝͝A̷̠̋A̸̡̜̭̫̤̝̩͎̦͑̃͋̏͠ͅA̸̡̨̯̮͕̭̠̺͈̜͖̗͂͒̐̈͆Â̵̟͔̘͂̃̏͌̓͒͋͊̀̇͐̚̕̚A̶̡̲͉̗̲̬̜͈̻̟͚͈̠͉̩̋̌̈́̐͂̍̓͐̉̆̇̃̕͝͝Â̴̳̻͍̯̗͉̣̞̥̙͋͌͂͊͗̏̃̈́͘Á̶̢̧̧̠̞͕̞͎̼̪̻̠̩̫̄́̋̅͆̀̊̇͘͘Ä̸̢̡̬̬̜̻́͊̈́̇̌̂́̋́̅̍͜Ã̴͍̫̲̤͈̐̄͒͋͗̋͑̓̾̓͒̃͘A̴̢̛̗͕͔̝͖͛̅̀̍̔̑Ā̷̧̛̩̘̘̹̭͈͇̣̗͉͙̣̈A̵̮̣͙͊̑͐̈́͠Ą̵̛̠̖͍̥̜̟͇͎͎̅͆͐̄͋̊̌̔̋̾̒̚͝ͅA̶̦̖̗̫̜̼̦̯͎̲̔̀̎̂̅̔̍͑͑̂͗̈́̕͘͝ͅA̴̢̢̧̞͕̺͍̣̳̹̮̜̥̅̑̈͠Ḁ̶̛̟̘̉̈́͑̐̔̂̑͝Ḁ̶̥͕͓̩̩͈̘͒͛͑͝͠Ả̸̧̞͉͈̊̀̈́͐͊̐̉̀͒Å̵̳͕͕̼̦̜̱A̵̧͉̖̦̼̺͉̙̗͈͓̹̠̦̅͜A̴̩̓̂̌ͅǍ̶̛̗̬͕̼̩͙͎͐̓́̔̊̾̓̽̾́̚Ǻ̴͖̤̯̈̈́̉͗̊̾̍͘̕͝͠͝Ą̷̩̬͇̹̮̺̇Ȃ̴̳͙͋̓͌̌̆͐̂̄̚͠͝Ǟ̸̻̹̲̜͎́͐̃̓̕͠͝͝Ą̸̬͚̪̳͕͙͓͖͚̹̘͑̀̈̅͛̿͋̃́̋͘͠A̵̹̮͖̣̻̘̗̟̋̐̋̓̉̇̍̈̓́̔̅̉̊͜Ȃ̵̧͙̽͊̌̔̂͝A̶̮̒̔̂A̷̧̛͎̞̗̽̏̀̔͌̎̂̀A̶̤̻͎͌̊̍̒̀̓̅͛̿͂̊̀͘̚͠A̷̳̝̝̓̿͘Ǎ̶̛̖̜͕̖̤̲̣̠̥͚̆͑̏̓͂̌̈́͋̑͗̚͠͠À̶̢̢̙̩̟̖͔̳̎̈́̈̒ͅẠ̶̘̹̦͉̬̰̝̘̫̈̋̽͌͒̑͊̌̍̾͑͝A̷̡̢̧̙̰̮̠̠̫͈̯͗͊̀͗͒͋̄̑́̍͆͒͠Ä̷̧͕̖͖͕̗̲̲͓̞̟̣̲̙̐̽̊͝͠ͅA̶̛̰̝̙̣̤̙̝̗͋̆̓͊̀͘͠͝ͅA̶̢̢̯̰̜͈̭̯̰̯̫̎̔̋̀̌̇̓̽̽Ȁ̶̧̨̨̺̜̤̈̉̎̒̀͠A̵̪̩̼̮̻̜͕͍̓͒̓̉̈́̍̈̂͘͜Ą̴͖͙̜̦̄̏͗ͅA̵̡̙̱̳̭̪̙̰̐̄͋̈́̄̉̋͆̐̽̋̿͜A̷͉͋͑͋̂́̋̆̈́̿͛̂̚Ḁ̴̛̃̏ (Headphone warning)

Ahem, my apologies. :3c

Also, I ABSOLUTELY REFUSE TO SEE SPOILERS, I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR THE GAME FOR A LONG TIME AND I DON’T WANT TO SEE ANYTHING UNTIL I ACTUALLY PLAY THE GAME MYSELF IF WE EVER END UP BUYING A SWITCH AND THE GAME! I’m definitely gonna try boycotting the internet, boycott Twitter, boycott YouTube, mute every news site and journalist, etc.

By the way, on the morning of the 29th, when I made myself breakfast, I happened to talk to my mom that I want to buy NMH3 so bad and we agreed that starting on January, we’re gonna start saving for a Switch and the game, didn’t expect to tell her about it sooner but I actually did it! We seriously need to buy a Switch ASAP, and I cannot afford to wait for a long time to buy a Switch AND the game even if it’ll come out in other consoles, I want to play the game right on launch, I’ve been waiting for this game for a seriously long time!

I had considered making this list with NMH3 as my only most anticipated game, but there are some other releases I should look out for (Which of course I’ll probably never play because of money):

Resident Evil Village: The remake period is over (Though it ended in a conflicted way with RE3) and we’re finally back on track with completely new games, especially the sequel to RE7.

Not only there’s a new Resident Evil game but there’s going to be a new CGI series following Leon and Claire on Netflix as well. So we’re getting new game that continues Ethan’s story and whatever the hell is happening to Chris, while we’re also getting a new series that continues Leon and Claire’s story.

Shin Megami Tensei V: It’s been years since we haven’t heard anything about SMTV until this July where we finally got a brand new trailer and teased to be coming this year. My older sister would seriously love to play this, but we don’t have a Switch yet...

MADNESS: Project Nexus (Madness Project Nexus 2): I really hope for sure they’ll release Project Nexus 2 this 2021, the game’s been in development for a very long time and it’s constantly getting delayed, so I don’t think I might have high hopes to see the game being released at this point, but even so, I’m still going to count it as my anticipated release of 2021 (Hopefully).

I played the demo of the game, however, and I had a blast, although it’s certainly a little confusing, but my bigger problem was the framerate I’ve been getting, which the game is a little intensive and I expected the game would perform well on low end computers, but at least I manged to play it.

I’m not very happy with how they changed the title, it went from “Madness Project Nexus 2″ to “MADNESS: Project Nexus,” the new name is absolutely confusing and someone might get mixed up with the original Flash game, or so I thought it would be as the original Flash game was eventually renamed to “Madness: Project Nexus (Classic),” which part of it makes me think it’s a remake of its own but at the same time there’s still new additions, like new enemies and new story campaign that kinda justifies that the new Project Nexus game is still a sequel.

On the topic of Newgrounds games...

Alien Hominid Invasion: With the Castle Crashers remaster, the next Behemoth remaster is the classic Alien Hominid. Depending on how much the game will cost on Steam, I will for sure buy and play it immediately. I think Newgrounds games are best played on PC.

Before you experience the Alien Hominid remaster, you should check out the original version available in Ruffle’s demo page, which Ruffle is a new open source replacement for Adobe Flash. (Be warned that the game’s one-hit death might frustrate you, it sure does to me and I really hope that’s not a thing in the remaster, if not, then I guess that’s Alien Hominid’s intended nature, although it’s probably what every side-scrolling shooter is)

Reverse Collapse: Code Name Bakery: Girls’ Frontline may not be my top gacha games I religiously play like I wanted, and then there’s a plethora of Girls’ Frontline games coming out sooner, some of them are spin-offs and then there’s Girls’ Frontline 2: Exilium, which I’m not interested in the least, to be honest, but there is one game that is now being re-released and localized for global audiences, and even getting retconned to be more connected towards Girls’ Frontline, this is a game that came out years before Girls’ Frontline and for a long time it was widely believed this game was a sequel to Girls’ Frontline, taking place over 30 YEARS after GFL and now it is indeed confirmed! I’m talking about Code Name Bakery, or originally called as Codename: Bakery Girl.

Even if I’m not a huge avid player of Girls’ Frontline like I wanted to since I’ve always been a gun aficionado and I almost don’t know much about what’s going on in the story (But there’s my Philipino friend, Ten, to tell me), I certainly wouldn’t mind to play Code Name Bakery.

Back 4 Blood: Everyone’s pretty much referring this game as Left 4 Dead 3 because it was created by the creators of the first L4D (While L4D2 was all developed and published by Valve in-house). I kid you not, when I saw the reveal trailer in this The Game Awards, I was definitely like “I’m getting some Left 4 Dead vibes” maybe because of the characters and the special zombies, and then the title “Back 4 Blood” was shown and I was like “Is this like a spiritual successor or something?” but now everyone’s calling it Left 4 Dead 3, so I’ll have to stick with it.

And to be honest, I’m not really sure if I’m really interested on this one. Even if this is a new Left 4 Dead game from the creators of the original game, now known as Turtle Rock Studios, there’s just something about the game’s identity that doesn’t sit right with me. And then looking at the pre-alpha gameplay, it just looks like any other generic first person zombie survival game with the modern graphics and stuff, the characters and the zombies don’t look anything brightful and special like the first two L4D games, I wouldn’t call the aesthetic bland, but everything about it just doesn’t do anything to me, at least it’s not a brand new L4D by name or even by Valve, which this is published by Warner Bros Games instead and I’m not really sure about them as publishers or their products.

As much as I’d like to get interested in this game from the creators of the first game and people call it Left 4 Dead 3, I’m better off with the first two games. Oh, even Left 4 Dead 2 even got updated a few months ago. Despite my skepticism, I will continue watching Let’s Players’ videos and see if it’ll change my mind.

Fate/Extra Record: This is probably gonna be a 2022 release, but I’ll be damned if it would actually come out later this 2021, so I’m still gonna mention it here anyways.

Tookyo Games releases: This one’s a little tricky because we all know Tookyo Games has a plethora of projects coming out, but what we don’t know for sure is when some of these will come out, maybe the closest one could be Tribe Nine, but I’m more curious about the other projects and hopefully they’ll come out this year.

And finally...

Tsukihime remake: HOLY SHIT! I can’t believe it’s finally happening after all these years!

Um... I always thought that whenever we see stuff about the Tsukihime remake, I would immediately play the original game. BUT I NEVER EXPECTED THEY WOULD ACTUALLY ANNOUNCE IT FOR THIS SUMMER!

Once I'm done with some things, I'm definitely gonna go play the original!

Top 6 best movies of the Year

At first I listed all the following films in a nearly chronological order from what I remember when have seen these films throughout the entire year, but I decided that maybe I should make this list as a ranked list, even if some of the films don’t necessarily impressed me so much in the least, if it weren’t for COVID-19, Venom: Let There Be Carnage would have been my #1, and Morbius would have been my #2. Anyways, let’s go:

6.- The New Mutants: I wasn’t able to watch New Mutants in the cinema the day it was released like I wanted, but some time later I was able to watch the film and it was pretty interesting, I liked it.

5.- Birds of Prey: Never knew I needed a full R rated DCEU movie (Though it’s not the first one. The first one is the R rated cut of Batman v Superman but I don’t know how it’s different from the theatrical cut), there’s still some ties but I feel like this kinda feels more like a standalone film, but it was quite fun. This kind of serves as a good road to The Suicide Squad.

4.- My Hero Academia: Heroes Rising: I mentioned this a couple of times because this is probably the only thing I can say about the film, but this is actually the last film I saw before the pandemic broke out.

Though one thing I have to say about the My Hero Academia movies is that I wish the manga can actually make references to the films so it would acknowledge they exist because sometimes I can’t thoroughly figure out the timeline or flat out call them non-canon (Which they aren’t), and the villains are immediately forgettable. Although given what’s currently happening in the manga (and it’s completely nuts), I doubt the manga would ever reference the films.

3.- Parasite: This was a 2019 release (I think), but after the Oscars this year, it was ran in my theaters so I had to watch it before I watched Sonic the Hedgehog next. After seeing the film, I find it pretty interesting, not to mention the ending shocked me, but in all honesty, I wasn’t like completely amazed as I was with Joker, even my family thinks that they prefer Joker over Parasite, that’s not to say it didn’t deserve to win Best Picture in the Oscars, but Parasite as a film doesn’t mean anything special to me.

2.- Wonder Woman 1984: I wasn’t looking forward to see the film in my birthday because I didn’t want anything other than Venom 2 since it got delayed because of COVID, but later it got delayed to Christmas and I was glad.

December came, the film comes out a week earlier in Mexico than in US and HBO Max, I saw the film and it was actually better than I expected, I think I like it better than the first film. Now that I think about it, maybe I wished Wonder Woman 1984 wasn’t delayed because my birthday was so disappointing and boring without anything special to see. Although even if I liked WW1984 so much, I don’t think it probably would have been the best birthday film I would have seen if it didn’t get delayed, but it was still worth it.

There’s one particular thing about the film I liked very much, but since the film recently came out, it’s too soon for me to put spoilers, but I’ll redact them in ROT13, you may or may not want to decode this, it’s your choice:

[V ybir jung gurl qvq gb gur Jbaqre Jbzna punenpgre, gurl jrag shyy pynffvp Jbaqre Jbzna jvgu gur vaivfvoyr wrg naq sylvat, juvpu vf fbzrguvat V unira'g frra irel bsgra va ure zbqrea vapneangvbaf nf bs yngr.]

But then there’s the moment when I start getting the feeling of wanting to pee so bad, and the worst part is it started around halfway or the quarter of the film. Then in the film’s climax, my bladder was dying so bad that... Believe it or not, I had to empty my soda cup and actually pee on it! I DIDN’T HAVE ANY OTHER CHOICE, OKAY?! Geez, I really should limit myself how much soda should I drink, but I even took a pee in my home before leaving! What an awful way to end my older sister and I’s cinema experience of the year, having our bladders nearly exploding.

When the credits started rolling, I was slowly standing up, I was putting my belt on and somehow I happened to see a mid-credits scene I never knew it would have, although it’s nothing hugely worldbuilding significant, but [Vg'f whfg n fznyy sha fprar jvgu Ylaqn Pnegre nf Nfgrevn.]

At this point the DCEU is definitely going to have post-credits scenes, maybe I should check the news beforehand whether the upcoming movies have post-credits scenes or not, I always thought the DCEU wouldn’t have post-credits scenes, but since Suicide Squad, Justice League and even recently Aquaman, it should be time that I should sit all the way to the credits, maybe just any other movie in general too.

1.- Sonic the Hedgehog: I had some fun watching this film and I think I actually liked it better than Detective Pikachu in terms of pacing. Can you imagine watching this film with the awful old Sonic design from the very first trailer? I don’t think I would have liked this film with the old Sonic design the same way as I do now. I’m glad that a sequel is even happening now.

Honorable mention

Promare: This was a 2019 release and I’ve been waiting for so long for it to come out in my theaters, Konnichiwa Festival disappointed me with the 2020 line-up and all of it was history for early in the year before the pandemic.

When the pandemic has broke out, I randomly happened to watch Promare in my house, torrented from the Blu-Ray rip, and BOY, I WAS SO AMAZED WITH THE FILM, SERIOUSLY! I think it was for the best seeing Promare at home in case the cinema might have had full of Mexican weebs screaming their asses off.

Around September, my dream of Promare coming out to my cinema has finally come true! The day my family and I went to see The New Mutants, we have planned to see Promare right after we finished watching The New Mutants, although we didn’t get to see TNM because there were some technical issues with the screenings in the cinema for some reason.

So we waited over 3 hours to see Promare, my older sister and I got into the cinema to see the film, and the experience... Was rather lukewarm.

In one hand, my older sister and I were the ONLY ones seeing Promare late that night, but on the other hand, the way the film was screened was an absolute mess. I don’t know what to blame, the aspect ratio or the subtitles because the subtitles were almost non-existent, it was as if we were seeing a raw anime film in Japan. It was so bad that my older sister did NOT understand what even happened in the story. Given that I had seen the film, I tried my best to try to explain her what was Gray planning with the Burnish but my brain pooped out and couldn’t continue. Later I told her to look for spoilery summaries or something and she says she may have somewhat gotten the context of the film, but it doesn’t feel right to me. I’m not sure if she has looked up on spoiler summaries now.

Things get worse when I realized seeing The New Mutants and Promare in the same day could have been the second time I could have seen two films in the cinema in the same day since February with Parasite and Sonic The Hedgehog.

Another weird thing I haven’t thought a lot is that this wasn’t actually distributed by Konnichiwa Festival like most other films, this was actually distributed by none other than Cinépolis themselves with the +QUE CINE thing, and that makes me lead to believe that either the screenings from the cinema or Cinepolis themselves butchered really badly the subtitles.

The cinema experience may have been an absolute disappointment, but it was no doubt a very good experience seeing the film upclose in the cinema with the gorgeous animations and visuals, and my older sister and I being literally the only ones who have seen the film, it makes a new record of seeing a film with my family all alone since 2017 with Kong: Skull Island with me, my mom and a random dude.

Most anticipated movies of 2021

This next list is going to be different, as I’m going to count a couple of movies per entry, more like categories for different kinds of franchises that I’m most excited to see, so here goes.

Venom: Let There Be Carnage, Spider-Man 3 and Morbius: Since 2018, this is the second best time to be a Spider-Man fan! (However, we won’t see Spider-Verse 2 until 2022) My #1 most anticipated film of 2020 was of course Venom: Let There be Carnage, I seriously wanted to see it so bad but because of COVID, the film got delayed until like June or July. I was seriously pissed as the film was gonna be released on October 2nd which that could have been my one chance to see a Venom film IN MY BIRTHDAY, ONE FUCKING CHANCE, and Sony wasted it! Given that it was October, it could have been a good time to have the film released but seems like the COVID situation wasn't getting any better.

There's also Morbius which I'm genuinely curious as to how they're actually building up the Sony Venomverse with the MCU since the end of the trailer features Michael Keaton's Adriam Toomes from Spider-Man: Homecoming. Yeah, so far this sounds really complicated, but I'm sure it'll all be clear once we see the film.

And lastly there's Spider-Man 3 (Working title) which is probably the hypest out of the three films on this list. For a while, the news I've seen were about the posiblity of Kraven the Hunter being the film's villain, and there wasn't anything else after that, there wasn't much special things for the film and I always saw it as a follow up to Far From Home which I would still see. Then there were news of Doctor Strange being the next MCU hero to be featured in a Spider-Man film since Iron Man in Homecoming and Nick Fury in Far From Home (who turned out to be Talos the Skrull from Captain Marvel throughout most of the movie), this was certainly interesting, but as time went on... Things started to get wild. There were reports of Jamie Foxx returning to Spider-Man 3 as Electro, possibly the very same version from The Amazing Spider-Man 2 or just an MCU version of Electro, who knows but the fact that they're casting Jamie Foxx since TASM2 was quite interesting, but wait, that's not the craziest part, later I started to see news of Alfred Molina cast as the Doctor Octopus AGAIN, and for the final blow... Rumors of Tobey Maguire and Andrew Garfield possibly returning into Spider-Man 3 and a leaked video from an official Latin American Sony channel that said "Who's your favorite Spider-Man? You might see all Spider-Men at once, anything is possible" or something like that...

OKAY, WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?! THEY'RE DOING LIVE-ACTION SPIDER-VERSE?! HOLY SHIT, DON'T DO ME LIKE THIS! I'M NOT PREPARED!

The rumors about Tobey Maguire and Andrew Garfield returning for Spider-Man 3 as their Spider-Men might be a hoax and it's all rumors, sure, but it might not even be a hoax at all! For more solid proof that this could potentially be a live-action Spider-Verse film, in the Disney investors meeting, they confirmed that Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (Which happens to be directed by Sam Raimi of all people, and it's coming in 2022) CONFIRMED that actually ties to Wandavision and... "THE NEXT SPIDER-MAN FILM." So there you go! That pretty much confirms it now that they might actually be doing live-action Spider-Verse now! This is actually going to be the BEST live-action Spider-Man film ever!

With all these Spider-Man 3 live-action Spider-Verse news, I completely forgot about the news that Kraven was gonna be in the film, I really hope they might still include him in some way in the film as Tom Holland Spider-Man's villain, and it isn't explicitly confirmed that Jamie Foxx's Electro and Alfred Molina's Doc Ock are either the same versions as their original versions or completely new MCU versions of the characters, who knows.

This is lowkey confirmed with the Disney investors meeting that the Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness ties to the next Spider-Man film, but what if all the live-action Spider-Verse stuff may not end up being true? In case if it's not true and it'll be just like Far From Home where it can continue Spider-Man's story from where the post-credits left off, I would still see Spider-Man 3 anyway, I'm always down for whatever MCU or Spider-Man film may end up be.

I know I wanted to see Venom: Let There be Carnage so bad, especially for my 21st birthday which I didn't get anything to watch and my birthday end up being a disappointment, but the problem is, we still haven't seen a proper trailer or anything, even for a film that was supposed to come out in October before it was delayed because of COVID! So far they only released a teaser trailer of the title and the new release window, and I really hope early this year, we can expect some trailers anytime soon, although the first Spider-Man film coming out this 2021 is Morbius.

So yeah, since 2018, 2021 is going to be the second best year to be a Spider-Man fan!

Black Widow, Eternals and Shang-Chi: First let’s talk about Black Widow because I’m the most scared of how the film is gonna be received given that when the concept art was shown at Comic Con and then the first trailer was released, people absolutely hate Taskmaster’s design, I mean, sure, he may not look comic accurate but aspects of it still kinda look like the comics and HE LOOKS BADASS! WHAT’S WRONG WITH EVERYONE?! THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH TASKMASTER’S DESIGN! Another thing is that I’m feeling that Black Widow may become Captain Marvel 2.0 where people hate the film for no reason, for a while there was some hate around the film because of some shit with Brie Larson and whatever, but most of the hate I’ve seen all goes towards the film quality, I don’t really see anything wrong with the film when I saw it, it’s rather decent, but with that said, I couldn’t stop thinking for the entire movie that there’s nothing wrong with this, etc.

I don't think even my older sister would wanna see Black Widow either as she never even cared about the character in Avengers: Endgame and she liked a tweet where someone said "Marvel making everything military sucks so much" which NO, IT FUCKING DOESN'T! I LOVE MILITARY AESTHETICS AND SHIT, YOU JUST HAVE SHIT TASTE, MY GUY!

The next films coming out are The Eternals and Shiang-Chi, although there's not much to talk about them since we haven't seen any trailers or anything so far, but I'm definitely gonna watch them.

I'm of course gonna be watching every single MCU-related thing, whether it's the movies or the Disney+ shows, I will follow everything! And no, I don't do this out of obligation (Someone in the RPG Site Discord server told me that and I'm forever pissed about it), it's called doing things religiously!

And speaking of the Disney+ shows...

BONUS: Wandavision, The Falcon & Winter Soldier, Loki, What If?: This is kind of a miscellaneous list as these are actually series in a movies list, that’s weird but deal with it. Say what you want about Disney+, and there’s quite a lot of MCU Disney+ shows coming I’m losing track which ones are coming out in 2021, but I think these four are what are coming this year.

Probably the series I’m most excited to see is Falcon & Winter Soldier, I have no idea what is even going on with Wandavision and Loki, as for Wandavision, since that one’s coming out in two weeks, I have to watch it as a lead up to Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness in 2022, as for Loki, I don’t realy understand it in the least so far. What If, there’s not much to talk about, it’s literally just “What If” with alternate versions of the films’ events, although I do admire the animation, it’s not Spider-Verse tier but it looks very nice.

I got a mail from PayPal offering me 250 pesos to subscribe to Disney+, I don’t think there may be an expiration date somewhere in the mail so I really hope the offer would still last, but until Wandavision comes out, I’m definitely willing to pay for Disney+.

Several Warner Bros. releases: Around early December, it was announced that all of the upcoming Warner Bros films of 2021 will be released on theaters AND HBO Max at the same time! That’s insane! It sounds really interesting, although I’m not sure if I would watch all the films in HBO Max, I would still love to go to the movie theater, depending on how much HBO Max costs and when is it coming out in Mexico. Also, that’s not to say that I would like to see them ALL, no no, I will only see the films that I’m interested the most:

Mortal Kombat: I actually loved the original Mortal Kombat films when I was a kid, although I’ve actually seen the second one and I still have the DVD which I bought when MK9 was released, although even that scene with CGI dragon Liu Kang cringed the shit out of me when I was a kid. For a while I heard this would be coming out in January 15th 2021 but it’s now coming to April, which is for the best because I haven’t seen any trailers or anything from it so far.

Tom & Jerry: I’m not sure if i would like to watch this, I’m feeling that maybe I would like to do so, so far this is kind of a bizarre concept but what I greatly admire is how Tom and Jerry are animated, it makes me think of Space Jam.

Godzilla vs. Kong: I started following the Monsterverse since Kong: Skull Island and before I’ve seen Godzilla: King of the Monsters in the cinema, I saw the first film, I like this series so far, and I can’t wait to see this one.

Space Jam: A New Legacy: I’m surprised how secretive the news and the marketing has been, every time I’ve seen this trending on Twitter, I never see these big movie news sites like The Hollywood Reporter, Deadline, not even IGN were reporting about a legit Space Jam 2 teaser trailer at some point, or the film in general as of late, for that matter.

The Suicide Squad: Just my usual tradition of watching whatever DC films, whether they’re DCEU or not, and this appears to be DCEU, or at least having the same actors playing certain characters. If there’s one thing I would complain about this, is the title, just “The Suicide Squad” when the first Suicide Squad film which is titled “Suicide Squad” is really stupid.

Dune: I just need something to watch on cinemas in my birthday, this year was a disappointment since Venom: Let There Be Carnage was delayed, if it weren’t for COVID-19, I would have gotten a great birthday film that might have even surpassed Joker.

The Matrix 4: This one I’m genuinely curious to see and know what the hell is even going to happen in the film considering how the original trilogy ended. And for a while before COVID broke out, it was originally gonna be released with John Wick Chapter 4 at the same time, it would have been insane to have double Keanu Reeves films being released simultaneously and I have to choose one over the other, but I’m glad both films got delayed and they’re not being released simultaneously anymore.

Justice League Snyder Cut: This one’s kinda miscellaneous since this entire list is basically the recently announced films that are coming to the cinema and HBO Max at the same time, and I actually kept forgetting about this one and this one’s treated more as a series. We’ve come a long way since the Release the Snyder Cut campaign happened for years, and by a miracle, it’s finally happening. This film, or rather series, feels more like a remake of the Justice League film with some of the archived footage from the Snyder Cut before Zack Snyder left the project from his daughter’s passing, but apparently new scenes are being filmed. I really hope this saves the DCEU because as of late I can’t tell if the films are actually connected anymore (With the exceptions of Joker, The Batman, etc).

Mission Impossible 7: Since Fallout, I think I’m going to start following the Mission Impossible series from now on. Note that there’s Mission Impossible 8 coming out in 2022 as well.

That's all I have to discuss about my best and worst of 2020 and my most anticipated 2021 releases, boy, I seriously wrote a lot for everything and that's probably what took the most of my time to write this post (Aside from my laziness), but I really hope you liked my best and worst of 2020 and my most anticipated releases of 2021. And moving on...

Now it’s time for the one category that it’s always all talk and never deliver, I may contradict what the following headline will be, but it's pretty much what's going to be true...

No more resolutions

Yeah, I can't even bother writing these same tiring resolutions I'm not gonna even fulfill over and over. It's an endless cycle.

Drawing every day.

Behaving better.

Working out.

Writing my novel.

Give me a break. Is there seriously a point in telling you all these resolutions that I supposedly want to do but I never end up doing anything anyways? And if I were to actually do these resolutions, I wouldn’t tell you about it. (I read a study with a headline “If you want to be successful, don’t tell others about it” or something like that, which I’m still telling you about these resolutions I want to do and end up failing anyways)

Let me break things down in parts about my expected future:

Behavior:

In terms of doing homeworks with my mom: Yesterday on the 30th, she just told me there's already homework but it's for January 11th and we'll do it on the 4th, it's not even 2021 and we're already off to a great start, although it's something that my mom has to read from, so I hope it'll be fine for now, but for future homeworks, I don't have the highest hopes for it because I'm easily trigger happy in these homeworks, there's seriously a lot wrong between all of us in how we do these homeworks, we make our lives miserable if it weren't for my older sister's stupid forced pension that she has to study no matter what, and then like my mom's pension, my pension or whatever there is that we get money, either they don't give us enough money or my mom always end up spending most of the money in groceries that would last for a week and other things, this is bullshit!

In terms of people's opinions: I seriously wish I could not give a shit about what literally everyone says about certain things, not even my family, but that shit is just everywhere and I really can't help but make at least one comment that something's not bad or whatever, I said this countless times but I'm very trigger happy.

In terms of artists: I'm going to continue be a douchebag and criticize their art and themselves behind their backs in my private Discord server, whether in public channels or privately if shit gets insanely serious.

Working out:

I'd seriously love to start working out immediately right now, but given how extremely cold as shit my country is, it just motivates me a lot less to start working out! Besides, my mom hasn't even bought the mat like we talked about for ages, she always forgets about it and I'm always waiting for her to deliver, but even if I would like to start working out, I would still have to eat fats instead of actually going in a diet, can't go back to the gym because of COVID, and most of all, I'm so fucking lazy. I always tend to do one workout for one day and that's it, I never do it daily. This and what I'm going to talk about above are something I can't develop a daily routine of!

My drawing skills and my future of my project:

I now have a Wacom Intuos that is bundled with 3 programs, but I only installed Clip Studio Paint because that's what I care the most, the other programs are trials and they're worthless as shit, I did make at least two pictures to mess around but as of late I've barely been touching it because I'm still having a hard time figuring out what to do with the brushes and stuff and I'm so obsessed in having the brushes default, default brushes with default settings, etc. I'm just not too comfortable tweaking the brushes to my preference and changing the sizes is gonna be extremely hard depending on what canvas size for my pictures would be and having to tweak the brush sizes for the canvas is so inconsistent!

As for the future of my project, I really want to continue bringing my project to life, and now that I have a Wacom Intuos, if I really put myself to try to sketch every day and everything in order to improve my art style, hopefully drastically, I can actually try to make my project in a much better format, especially comics, I would love to return to draw comics because, I said this numerous times, I used to draw comics mindlessly when I was a kid, but two years later, I somehow got a slump and just like that, I stopped drawing comics for good, but now if I try to figure out my story right, I may actually bring my project as comics, literature can suck my dick! And because I'm an artist, it's best to make art for my project all by myself since literally nobody I asked wants to work with me!

I seriously had no idea how to write, never even bothered to read books and everything else to even care about the basics and essential of writing, I always thought it would have been an easier way to bring my story to life and make adaptations of them as soon as possible. I seriously had no idea what kind of story should my project be, I was extremely unconfident about it and... I don't want to say this but I seriously hated what I was doing with my novel, my writing was obviously shit and it gave me nothing but headaches, I gave up. Although it's not like I completely cancelled the project and lost interest in it, it will always live on... inside my head with constant brainstorming and headcanons.

I had a plan to deliver my project and make it successful immediately overnight and try to make the series go big ASAP in 10 YEARS, but now after giving up writing the novel, I completely wasted 1 year, so now I have 9 years to do this shit. The reason why I want to rush now is because I want my franchise to exist, I want to work with my favorite actors and other creators before some of them retire or pass away, and I SERIOUSLY cannot let this opportunity and dream go to waste!

Even though I have Clip Studio Paint now and I would love to make comics, my copy of Clip Studio Paint that was bundled in my Wacom Intuos is Pro, the features are very limited, so there's not much I can do about that. My other options in trying to bring my story to life are either making visual novels or RPG Maker games, those sound like very valid choices, but there are still some limits. If I were to make VNs, I would have to learn how to use Renpy, my art has to be good and I have to hire some people to do some extra things like I don't know, backgrounds and even the background music and sound effects which I can't even afford to do all that. Then there's RPG Maker, I bought RPG Maker MV when it was at a crazy good discount in the Steam Summer Sale but I opened it for a few minutes and I have no idea what to do, I try to watch numerous tutorials on how to use it but I still don't understand, another thing that I don't like about RPG Maker is that some programming is still needed somewhere, I have no fucking clue about programming, and RPG Maker always advertises itself as a somewhat easy engine, talk about false advertising. Besides, RPG Maker games aren’t as relevant where they become overnight hits and turn into franchises as they used to be anymore, so it really doesn’t do me any favors. So I guess my only choice is try to continue creative writing in some form, I have a better way in how to do things without the old fashion boring ass way, I would have to indicate what character says what and everything has to be in present tense, kinda like the visual novel elements in some games, and I won't give a shit about what anyone says about my writing format, there's no other way.

Even though I haven't really abandoned the project out of my life and will always continue brainstorming headcanons and different stuff, I hate to say this, but I think my project has grown to have an identity crisis. Everything I brainstorm are pretty much copying from literally everything I see, like movie scenes or even the entire movies, especially the MCU movies with wanting to make my own version of Avengers: Endgame mixed with Crisis on Infinite Earths.

Another weird thing about my brain is that, for years, I've always had a mood on wanting to make a Kingdom Hearts-like series with my project and some other franchises, and believe it or not, my crossover candidates were Persona and Danganronpa. No, this wasn't intended to be for fanfiction purposes, I wanted to legitimately make them into a reality! One day I eventually dropped the Persona and Danganronpa crossover idea with my project and opted towards literally making Americanized discount rip-off characters to be copyright-free and to fit in my story (Although eventually they have evolved into their own characters). Everything seemed well enough but my brain is coming back to this fantasy of making a Kingdom Hearts series but with Arknights. There's a lot to discuss about that but I don't want to get into further details.

So yeah, pretty much my originality only resides within the characters and their designs, everything else like the stories and some elements, rather of calling them "inspiration," it's more like heavily borrowing or straight-up copying, so I have no idea what to do with my series at this point. Not to mention that I constantly brainstorm all these things which they're all for stuff that comes LONG after the first installment of my project which I'll never release, and it makes me not wanting to go back into that. Another criticism my older sister gave me about my project is that I tend to create a lot of characters only to show off their designs and never give them any purpose, and I guess it shows.

I said this before but I’ll say it again:

What I love about my project is that I always use my imagination, everything just feels satisfying when I can think of every scenario possible and even make drawings because pictures are worth a thousand words. Whate I hate about my project is the act of doing it, showing it off, explain to some people if you're prepared, something like that.

Maybe my project shouldn't exist. In fact, it already exists, how I want the video game and other adaptations, everything exists, inside my head. They have and will always be in my head, and there's a lot more stories and characters to come. I have seen everything and they're exactly like I always wanted, I'm completely satisfied. There's no need for my project to really exist, only for me to become poor, a total nobody, and even if it were a best seller, it might get adapted in the wrong hands, but in the end, it doesn't matter because I always know I won't even succeed, it won't be an instant crazy hit and it will never be as time passes.

(That two paragraphs above is pretty much my copypasta to talk about my project)

Another thing I'm questioning in my life right now is...

My future as a Custom Maid Twitter account:

Lately I don't really make a lot of Custom Maid screenshots on my own, sometimes I do but they're mostly collabs, and I would occasionally tell people to make collab pictures with our OCs together, sometimes it does happen but the frequency of these collab screenshots happening have decreased drastically, not to mention that there are some that weren't interested, which kinda sucks

To be honest, I really haven't been motivated on making Custom Maid screenshots at all. The game runs so slow given that I have a lot of the game's content and mods which most of them I barely use, and I have no idea what screenshots to make, even if I were to look at prompts, not to mention I created some characters which I barely ever used and I almost never get immediate attention when I post my screenshots. I seriously want to retire from doing Custom Maid because of what I just said with my motivation and stuff, and then there's the whole drama with maidin which I mentioned a long scroll up ago which really affected me so much. I even had prepared some legacy files compiling my presets and my screenshots.

Even if I say numerous times that I want to retire or I'm done, I'm still considering that maybe I shouldn't quit, but even if I'm not retired, I still have no plans or even interest to make screenshots again, so I'll have to talk to some of my JP mutuals and Ten about it. After what I did to maidin, I feel like I'm no longer want to be part of the Custom Maid community and I don't want to be a burden on it. Hinosuna who was the one person I followed the most hasn't made screenshots at all as of late for 6 months and I doubt he will ever return, let alone talking to the guy ever again, and there's another person who blocked me for no reason after telling him about my birthday a day later which I did tell him I was from Mexico, talk about being xenophobic.

So there you go, my not-so category talking about my resolutions, I seriously didn't want to talk about this since I'm not even gonna do shit about the things that I want anyway, but I did it. Still, keep in mind that I'm probably not gonna be able to do any of these because of my sheer laziness and gaming addiction. Please let me know what to do with all this and hopefully it can change my mind.

Conclusion

Phew! This was an insanely long ride! I never expected I would write so much shit, and if you managed to read literally everything, congratulations, you're a madman. This is definitely the longest post I've ever written in my life!

Pretty much everything I've written here have been made with a lot of thought and effort, most of the stuff I wrote on this post for a while was my Best and Worst of the Year and Anticipated Releases category, although most of the time I was kinda lazy and only wrote little by little with everything else, and hours prior to the publishing of this post, I kinda rushed on the very end of the post, but I think I did a pretty good job into everything I made. And no, I won't even bother making a TL;DR about it.

Although to make things short, everything was an absolute mess, but my personal problems are always the worst of my life which makes every year automatically bad for my health, but on the bright side, 2021 is looking to be the very best year with the best releases ever, so I'm really looking forward to all of that!

I did mention my private server, I wouldn't like to disclose anything about it, but as of late, it has become more like a home to me, I don't check Twitter as much like I used to and this server is why I rarely go to any other Discord servers ever. Always being on my Discord server and keeping an eye on it be like:

(I know I said I wouldn't like to invite anyone into my private server ever again, and I also choose to not make my server public, but if there's a mutual that I REMOTELY like, I can DM you the invite link, if you're someone I find meh or I don't like, you can fuck off)

As for my resolutions, and most importantly on what to do with my drawing skills and project, I guess we'll have to see if I can deliver or not.

Anyways, this was a really tough year but thanks for continuing to support me throughout this entire year, for better and for worse. Hopefully things will get better this 2021 and we can be free again.

Happy New Year!

My Carrd - I did some improvements as well!

Every image featured in this post in high resolution - Because if you’re reading this post from the link I send instead of the Tumblr homepage (which I don’t think anyone even uses Tumblr anymore), my theme makes the images look incredibly small and as much as I like this theme, this is something I definitely hate. (I’ve been redoing this album numerous times by fixing something and adding at least one new image)

[the-warmest-hands]

sgw48 - vacation

vacation continues!

saturday: cold as hell biked to central park then up the wsh over triboro came home to sit out the rain sunday: biked to the globe. then drove to emily’s house to start work on projects

monday: drove to emily’s house to do more project work. too windy to bike tuesday: drove to emily’s house to do more project work. dad said it was too windy to bike (it was not)

wednesday: finally nice outside so i biked to emily’s house. got lost on the way there. biked back at night strava dropped my ride whatever bitch i don’t need you. i never used strava in new york and i ain’t about to start giving a fuck now emily and i killed the day because we are tired so we just sprayed the basement slats and went out to eat *copious* amounts of turkish food and then sat for hours at omonia aka the mark twain hangout spot when emily was in middle school

thursday: biked to queens botanical it was *a*w*e*s*o*m*e* many compost initiatives/sustainability notes *bioswale* then biked along booth memorial because idk might as well. and i was like maybe i should just go look at kissena velodrome even though it said it was closed online. BUT THEN IT WASN’T CLOSED (i mean, no events are happening, but it was open) AND IT WAS *da bomb* omg yay i was smiling so big under my mask yayyayayayayayayayay

seriously though kissena velodrome... why the fuck are you an outdoor velodrome. this is new york. snow and ice happen here. why the hell would anyone build an outdoor velodrome in a temperate region. it was lumpy af literally like riding on a crappy road. how. does anyone race on this. idk.

anyway so awesome and i talked to some old guy who was there (idk why people suddenly appeared after i started biking a few laps i guess i must’ve gotten there right before the busy time cuz when i got there there was only two other people and neither of them were riding) and he said have you ever done underhill it’s awesome and told me about a route that allegedly would take me all the way to throgs neck bridge i was mad hyped from riding on track so i was like yo imma do that RIGHT NOW!!!!! but then of course immediately i got lost / did not understand where to go so i did not do it. rode around a bit in circles and being like “wait where???” and then it was time to go pick up my phone at the mall (ugh) then i was tired and went home. picked up a veg samosa at kabab king and a naan cuz i was feeling hungry. but then when i got home and ate it i realized i’m an idiot for getting plain naan with nothing. doesn’t matter i ate it anyway.

friday: today i was like ok i am going to try harder to find this secret cool route but i’m going to do it in reverse like go from throgs neck to kissena velodrome it was cool to bike around whitestone and see the parks that are under the bridges / along the water but after i got to underhill (and was gonna go left off utopia to check out this trail-lookin thing?) i was like oh shit gotta get moving to botanical cuz google maps said 1h20m to get there and it was 8:59 so i went right off utopia instead :( and didn’t even get to stop by velodrome; just gunned it down 164 and jewel and got a little lost near the cemeteries but got there only a few mins late.

botanical was nice and empty cuz i got there early

after botanical i was very hungry so i biked to konditori and bought some shit and ate it at prospect park leaning on my bike. then on my way home i did a prospect park loop just cuz. i can’t not do it when i’m already there. but i was very tired and cranky. then went home. did washington to greene to classon to kent. forgot i hate kent cuz people. pretty much anyplace that has other people biking, is a place i don’t want to be.

home then drove to jamaica to meet emily to check out fabrics. found nothing. drove home

saturday: biked to untermyer and back to meet misha eat pizza sunday: drove to emily’s then we biked a short bit on belt pkwy ate more pizza

[hpdracoxreader]

The Danger of Hiding Fic

Part II - Part I Here

Draco Malfoy X Muggle Reader

Words: 3843

Warnings: None

A/N: Hey guys. So a lot of you liked part one of this mini series, so I made a part two. Hopefully you’ll enjoy this one too. Let me know what you think.

The first thing she noticed when she woke up was that this was not her home. Y/N blinked, slowly and groggily, waking softly. She looked ahead and saw a wall facing her. It wasn’t covered in the photos and drawings like the one in her home.

But, she supposed, it was no longer there. With Draco having to burn it to cover their tracks, the walls of Y/N and Draco’s bedroom would no longer exist. She sighed heavily, pressing her face into her pillow. She couldn’t cry, not now. Not in front of -

Y/N sat bolt upright. She scanned the small square room that Hermione had shown her and Castor last night. It was small, with a double bed and concrete walls. Hermione told Y/N that it was mainly used as a room for Order members when they stayed. Apparently, this was only one of many hideouts created over the years.

Y/N felt her heart stop when she could’t see her son anywhere. She swung her legs over the bed and pulled her shoes on hastily. Y/N looked to the door to see it slightly ajar. She raced towards it.

Throwing open the door, Y/N looks down the hall to the left, the right and back again. It had been so late and dark when she and Castor had been take to the room. Castor was asleep in her arms and all she could think was that she wanted Castor to be in a bed, safe and sound.

Taking a chance, Y/N ran off to her left. Her feet pounded the floor as she ran. Not long after she began her race, she came to an open area. It was filled with tables and couches. There were people around many huddled together some alone with books, some at table with maps and parchment with labels and roads.

Y/N looked around and saw two redheads crouched to the ground. When one moved a certain way, Y/N saw bright blond locks and knew. She marched over, worried and mad look on her features.

Castor saw her and smiled. He pushed past the crouched men and ran to his mother, arms held up happily.

Y/N reached down for him and held him close to her chest as she hugged him. Castor wrapped his arms around Y/N’s neck, his legs grabbing hold like she was the tree near their home that Castor liked to climb.

“Mama! You’re awake!” He giggled in her ear. Y/N relaxed at his voice, but soon found her anger again. She pulled back a little to look her son in his blue (just like his father) eyes. Castor saw her scowl and stopped smiling imminently.

“Just what do you think you were doing, Castor Wallace?” Castor was only ever in trouble when his mother used his full name. “I woke up and you were gone. Young man, I don’t know this place and neither do you. You have to stay close to me, understand?”

Castor nodded, saddened at his mothers scolding. “Yes, Mama.”

Y/N brushed some of his hair out of his eyes. She kissed his forehead. “I’m not mad, I was just worried, sweetie. I couldn’t find you and I got scared.”

“Like when Daddy can’t come see us? Or doesn’t owl us?”

Y/N smiled sadly at the mention of Draco. She had tears in her eyes when she spoke around the lump in her throat. “Yes, baby. Just like that.” Castor pat her cheek. “And remember, Daddy want’s you to be strong, and stay close to Mama, okay sweetie?”

Castor nodded and rested his head on his mothers shoulder, also upset at the lack of contact with Draco. Y/N rocked Castor slightly, kissed his head. She looked over to see the redheads watching her.

They were far taller then when they had been crouched on the ground. The walked over to Y/N, and she turned her body a little so Castor was somewhat off the the side, away from these strange men.

“So you must be this little guy’s mother, hm?” One nodded to Castor. Seeing them closer, Y/N saw they were twins, identical twins. “Haven’t seen either of you around before.”

“Have you dropped in for a visit?” The other asked. Y/N took a step back, uncomfortable with these strangers.

The twin that spoke first hit the other. “Oh, we haven’t properly introduced ourselves. I’m Fred.”

“I’m George. Nice to meet you Miss.” The both stuck out their hands. Y/N looked at them with raised eyebrows. They shrugged and shook each others hands.

Castor picked his head off his mothers shoulder and looked at the twins. “Mama! They were showing me magic tricks! Look!”

One of them, George, pulled out his wand. He made small fireworks flight, while Fred made ribbons come out of his. Y/N was entranced with the wands. Fred saw and brought his closer for her to look at.

“Like the design, hm?” He asked. Y/N kept looking at it. It was so different from the one Draco owned, thinner and longer. It’s wood was lighter.

“It’s so different,” She whispered. She had only ever seen Draco’s up close. Until last night, Draco was the only wizard she had ever known.

George butted in, showing his wand off too. “What do you think about mine? Pretty nice, wee Madam?”

Castor laughed. “They’re different to my Daddy’s.” Castor made a flicking motion with his empty hand. Fred laughed.

“Where is your Daddy, Castor?”

The child’s laughed died right away. He shrugged and went back to hide in Y/N hair. “Sorry, it’s just…he’s not able to be here with us. We’re just missing him.”

“Oh, terribly sorry…ah, you know,” Fred scratched his head and looked at George. “We never got your name?”

Y/N looked at them. “Right, I’m-“

“Y/N.” All three spun to see Ginny desending some stairs. She had a slight smile on her face. She rolled her eyes when she saw the twins. “Fred, George, leave her alone. She’s taken.”

Ginny reached them, holding her arms out for Castor. Y/N was reluctant to let him go, but she handed off her son. Castor had only ever been around her and Draco, so she was happy that he wasn’t scared of people he wasn’t related to.

“Y/N, I see you’ve met my brothers, Fred and George.” Ginny smiled at Castor. “I hope they haven’t been too bothersome.”

“Not in the slightest.” George smirked at his sister. “Back to being taken, however. With whom do you share a relationship, Y/N? And do I have any chance?”

Ginny stopped smiling. Before she could tell them to rack off, Y/N spoke. “Well, considering we have a child together, I don’t think you have much hope.”

“There’s always hope.” Fred winked. “Unless he’s, I don’t know, a Death Eater, right, Georgie?”

“Right, Freddie.”

Ginny slapped their arms and glowered at them. “Both of you shut your mouths, or I’ll tell Mum.”

Fred laughed. “What? I was joking. I wasn’t being…” Seeing the look on Y/N’s face made Fred stop. He looked at Ginny, then to Castor.

“You can’t be serious?” They all turned to see another redheaded boy standing watching them. He had dark circles under his eyes and his hair was a mess.

Ginny looked to him, pity in her eyes. “Ron, wait, please-“

“We’re housing a Death Eaters wife and child? Ginny, what the hell?” He spat pointing at Castor and Y/N. People all around the room looked at the commotion. They looked at the two new people among their ranks, fear and worry in their eyes.

Before Ginny could say anything to defend Y/N or Castor, Y/N plucked Castor from her arms and raced back to their room. Ginny called after her, but she didn’t stop.

She pushed past people and finally made it to their room. Once inside, Y/N placed Castor on the bed and walked to the door. She sat on the floor with her back to it, trying to block it if anyone came in.

She wasn’t meant for this world. She wasn’t meant to fall in love with a wizard who was forced onto the wrong side of a war. She wasn’t meant to fall pregnant at seventeen years old and have a baby.

But there she was, hiding God know’s where because she just wanted to breath the country air.

“Mama?” Y/N opened her eyes and saw Castor watching her. He looked afraid. “Did I do something wrong?”

Y/N took a deep breath. “No, sweetie. It wasn’t you.”

“Okay,” He looked at his hands, then to her again. “What’s a Death Eater?”

Y/N’s breath hitched. She and Draco never wanted Castor to know what he had to do, what he had done to ensure their safety from those who wished Castor dead. They never wanted Castor to know what went on when ‘Daddy had to go away.’

Y/N nodded. She opened her arms and made a motion for Castor to come to her. He slid off the bed and crawled over to her. He rested in her arms, on her lap and listened to her hear beat.

“There are some people here who…aren’t going to like us or Daddy, Castor.”

He played with Y/N’s hair. “Why, Mama? Did we do something wrong?”

Y/N shook her head, brought her unknowing son closer to her body. She wanted to wrap around him and protect him from everyone and everything that was going to be said about them. But she knew she couldn’t.

“Things are…complicated in life, sweetie. People try to do their best, and sometimes, choices are made that are, um, only good for some people.” She took a deep breath. “Some people, like you, and Daddy and I…well, we don’t have a lot of choices. We just have to do the best with what we can, okay?”

“But that’s not fair, Mama,” Castor looked up, looked at his mother with furrowed pale eyebrows. “Daddy and you and me are nice. Why won’t people be nice to us?”

Y/N brushed some of his hair back. She kissed his forehead. “Sometimes, we can’t be nice to everyone, and those people who we aren’t nice to won’t be nice back.” She looked into his eyes and smiled. “What you need to remember is, no matter what anyone here or anywhere says about me or Daddy, you know we’re nice, right?”

“Yeah, you and Daddy are always nice.” Castor still frowned.

“As long as you know that Daddy is nice to you and Mama, that is all you need to remember. Can you do that for me, sweetie? Can you do it for Daddy?”

Castor nodded. He didn’t fully understand, but he knew from his mother’s tone that she was done talking about it. He couldn’t get it, though. His Daddy was always nice to his Mama and they were always nice to him. Why wouldn’t people like them if they were nice?

Y/N unpacked some of Castor’s games she had stowed in her bag and let him play while she read. They stayed there for a few hours until someone knocked on the door.

Y/N looked at Castor, who was too wrapped up in his games to notice. She stood and made her way to the door. She opened it slightly to see Hermione, and the redheaded man form earlier, the one who spat about her being a Death Eaters wife.

“Hermione…” She opened it a little more. “What’s going on?”

Before she could open her mouth, the man spoke, glaring at Y/N as he did so. “The Order wants a word with you. You need to come with us.” Y/N glanced back at Castor. He had stopped playing and looked at his mother. “Bring him.”

“What are you going to do to my son?” Y/N snapped her head back to glare at the redhead.

“Nothing.” Hermione interjected. “We just need to show both of you to the council. They want proof that you’re…”

“Right,” Y/N sucked in a breath and turned to Castor. She walked over and bent down. “We’re going for a little walk, okay sweetie?”

Castor nodded slowly. He pointed to the man in their door way. “With him?” Y/N nodded. Castor whispered, but it was more like shouting in a lower voice. “But Mama, he was mean before. He looks scary.”

Y/N looked over her shoulder. “I know. But he’s a friend of Hermione’s, so he must actually be really nice, right?”

Castor sat on that information for a moment. He nodded and stood. “Can I walk with Hermione, Mama?”

Y/N picked Castor of the ground and put him on her hip. “Better if you stay with me, sweetie. Remember what Daddy said?”

“Do what Mama says, when Mama say it.” He recited. He nodded and stayed put.

Hermione lead them, with the glaring man behind them. “Hermione?”

“Yes, Castor?” She didn’t look back. They took a left, then a right and another two lefts. It was like a maze.

“What’s your friends name? The mean looking one?”

Y/N pinched Castor’s side. He yelped. “That’s not nice. Say sorry, now Castor.”

Castor looked behind them at the redhead. “Sorry.” He was pinched again. Y/N was not having her child raised without manners. “I’m sorry I said you looked mean.”

“It’s okay,” He mumbled, not looking at the young boy.

Hermione spoke. “His name is Ron. He’s Ginny’s older brother.”

Y/N raised her eyebrows. “How many brothers does Ginny have?”

Ron answered quickly. “There are seven of us all together. Ginny is the only girl. She’s the youngest.”

“Big family.”

Ron glared again. “You could say that.”

They made their way to a door a the end of the hall. Hermione raised her wand and spoke an enchantment of many words. It opened and she stepped inside. Ron made a noise for Y/N to go forward.

Once inside, Ron left her, walking to sit beside Hermione, who was near the head of the long table at the other end of the room.

Y/N saw many people, she recognised Ginny, Hermione, Fred, George and now, Ron. There was a man with black hair who’s ears stuck out from his head, an older couple, both with red hair (Y/N came to the logical conclusion that they must be Ginny’s parents), a man with scars on his face next to a woman with purple hair. At the head of the table was a man in spectacles.

He motioned for Y/N to sit at the chair at the other end of the table. She did so, placing Castor on her lap.

He whisper shouted again. “Mama, they all look mean.” He curled up onto her lap a little more. Y/N held her eye contact with the man with green withs and black hair as she rubbed Castors back.

“So, you’ve been enjoying you’re stay?” The man with the scars asked.

The woman beside him nudged him. “Not now, Remus.”

Y/N looked around the room. Ginny smiled tightly at her, while Hermione seemed to be staring off. Fred and George kept looking at Castor. Everyone was tense.

“Ah, hi, hello,” The man with the glasses spoke, grasping Y/N’s attention. “I’m Harry. Harry Potter. And you both are?”

Y/N shifted in her seat. “I would have thought you all knew, given from how you’re looking at me, like I’m a time bomb about to go off.”

Harry looked around, the dark circles around his eyes prominent. “Sorry about that it’s just…well a bit shocking to see you and uh…”

“Castor,” Ginny supplied. Harry nodded to her.

“Right, Castor.” Harry looked around at the others in the room. They looked to him, expecting him to know what to say and what to do. “Look, Y/N, this is a very awkward situation for us all. We know Draco as a…” Harry stopped and dropped his gaze to Castor, who seemed to shrink further into his mother. “Well, you know. It’s a little hard for us to wrap our minds around the fact that he has a relationship and a child with a Muggle. Can you tell us anything about why he did so?”

Y/N looked uncomfortable. She shifted Castor on her lap so the side of his face was pressed against her chest. She brought up her right hand to cover his ear. She spoke in low tones.

“We met when we were about sixteen, it was rocky at first, but we formed a friendship and then a relationship.” She sighed at the memory that felt like a life time ago. It kind of was. They were young, no war going on, no responsibilities, no need to worry over another life that they had created. "When I was seventeen I found out I was pregnant with Castor. It wasn’t planned, and I knew about blood purity and Draco’s family. I thought he would leave me, but he didn’t.

“I don’t know why he chose to stay with me. I just know that he loves Castor and he loves me.”

Harry sighed and leaned back. “So, what you’re saying is, he doesn’t care about your blood status? Or his son being a half-blood?”

“No, sometimes, I think he’s glad that I’m a Muggle.” Hermione raised her eyebrow at that. “He doesn’t have to worry about pretences with us. He’s not bound to act like a pure-blood, he’s just Draco with us.”

Everyone was silent for a moment. It was Fred that broke the silence. “Do you think that Mal - that Draco, would be willing to help us? Get us information about what’s happening on the inside?”

Y/N looked down at Castor. He looked up with his fathers eyes. With a sound resolve, Y/N looked up, facing the Order. “Draco wants the war to be over. He wants Voldemort gone so that Castor will be safe to live a normal life. He’d do anything for us.”

George opened his mouth to speak, but Castor cut him off, tugging Y/N’s shirt a little to get her attention. “Mama, I have to pee.”

The woman with the purple hair stood up. “I’ll take him.” Y/N held him closer for a second. The woman saw, and smiled. “My son is about the same age, a little older. I know the struggles of children who want to pee. I’m Tonks.”

“Oh right, you don’t know everyone here, sorry,” Harry pointed around the room. “You obviously know, Ginny, Hermione, Ron and the twins.” Harry moved from one side of the table to the other placing names with people. “This is Neville, Remus, Tonks’ husband, and Mr and Mrs Weasley.”

Y/N nodded and looked to Tonks who was standing next to Y/N with her arms open. She looked down at Castor and made her nose change into a ducks bill. He laughed and smiled at his mother.

Y/N kissed Castor’s head softly and handed him off. She watched as they walked out the door and closed it behind them.

She looked at her hands and suddenly felt very empty. Castor was never far from her and if he was out of her sight, he was within Draco’s. Now, Y/N felt very childish, as though she were at home being scolded by parents. She couldn’t help it. The situation suddenly overcame her, and she couldn’t stop crying and shaking. Everyone in the room seemed to lose their heads at the sight of this woman who shook with sobs.

Everyone except Molly Weasley.

“Right, all you boys, out with you,” She stood and shooed them away They left quickly, while Arthur looked as though he wanted to stay an try to help. Molly shoved him out. She closed the door behind her and turned to Y/N.

“Oh, poor dear,” She walked over and pulled Y/N to her feet, bringing her into a hug. “It’s alright. Everything will be okay.” It was times like this that Y/N really missed her mother. Draco had erased her parents memories of her to protect her and their child. Y/N gingerly wrapped her arms around the shorted, more stout woman.

Molly pulled back and held Y/N’s face in her hands, smiling at her. “This is a very big change, I know, but you’re dong very well. I supposed this has been held in since you were told about the war?”

Thinking back on it, she was right. Although throughout the four years that she and Castor lived in peace, and she seemed happy and calm during the day, most nights were filled with muffling her cries into her pillow. She just wanted to be with Draco and have their family together without worrying about every time Draco’s letters where late, or if they had bad news.

Now that she and Castor were away from their little bubble of existing peace, it seemed to crash around her just how deep in she was.

“Sorry, I was trying to hold it in,” She wiped her face. Molly offered her a handkerchief. Y/N gladly accepted. “Thank you. I was trying to make sure Castor was alright. He’d be really scared if he saw me like this.”

“It’s tough being a Mum, I know,” Molly turned and lifted her arm to signal for Hermione and Ginny to come over. Ginny came straight away, while Hermione made her way slowly. “But we have each other to lean on. And look towards the bright things. I want to make more sweaters for my family with fresh wool so it’s soft to wear. Ginny?”

Ginny smiled. “When the war is over, I was to be a professional quidditch player.”

“You’ve got the skills, my dear,” Molly looked to Hermione. “Hermione, dear?”

Hermione looked up, cheeks pink. “I want to petition for right for House Elves everywhere. For better treatment and living conditions for them.”

“That’s lovely, Hermione.” They all looked to Y/N. “What are you looking forward to, Y/N?”

Y/N looked down at her finger. Molly followed and gasped. “Before we left, Draco said he wanted us to be a real family.” Y/N looked up, more tears in her eyes and a slight smile on her lips. “I’m looking forward to the day where that can happen.”

Molly put a warm hand to her cheek. “So it will. Until that day, we work and help ourselves and others. We’re here for each other, and we’re here for you, Y/N.”

For the first time in a long time, Y/N felt like she was part of something bigger then herself. It felt good.

She was going to see Draco again.