#like the worlds most apathetic reptile

[empressofmankind]

Friend: "...isn't the Arabaste arc supposed to be about saving a country from a not so natural disaster?"

Me, plotting my fanfic's story beats: "What? No, it's about Crocodile's clown-induced midlife crisis, what are you talking about."

[kachowden]

weird q but are pets still a thing in android world? i could imagine reader getting a dog and being very excited abt it and jessie trying to understand exactly why reader is so obsessed with that weird little four-legged creature, and why they seem to like it more than him…👀

Yes pets exist! Darling actually has a hairless cat in this universe. Just in case someone who was reading was allergic. I also felt like a cat suited the darlings personality? Like they’re pretty apathetic and borderline cold to most people but practically beg for their cats attention who totally ignores them.

Jessie doesn’t like the cat very much, For obvious reasons, but he knows you’d be devastated if anything happened to it so he relents.

Jessie is a reptile guy btw. That’s not important to the plot but it’s cute. He thinks they can understand more than they let on. He has a fake tank with a fake turtle in his office.

It’s name is B7.

[vulpeskorsak]

Day 23 of Whumptober 2024: Exhibit

No. 23: FORCED CHOICE Public Display | Broken Pedestal | “I’m doing this for you.”

AO3 got banned in my country and VPNs have not been working well on my PC lately, so I am not going to post these there for now. But hopefully I can do that at some point.

This is taking place in my own DnD/fantasy world.

Elias is a young magistrate cursed to turn into a blue half-reptile half-man doing his best to hide and temporarily reverse it.

--------------

Exhibit

"Behold! The Horrifying Lizardman! Look at his fangs! Look at his claws! Look at these scars! You might be wondering how such a scary beast ended up with such horrific injuries? Well, I'll tell you... He got them while fighting a wild owlbear! I saw it with my own eyes!"

The circus master calls out, attracting more and more people to where Elias is chained to the outside of his cage unable to go beyond the "safety line" painted on the ground.

His clothes have been stripped off him, leaving him completely naked and unimaginably ashamed, even if his sexual organs are all hidden inside his body. The hair-like feathers on his head have been made a complete mess, as far from his usual tidy brushed-back style as one could imagine. Some of his scales have been pained over to make them appear scarred. And the chains he wears have been enchanted to prevent him from speaking or expressing his real feelings by his own choice, forcing him to experience almost constant blinding rage which makes him try to pull on the chains with all his might to escape and tear out someone's throat.

They made him look like a completely mindless wild beast.

At least on the outside. Inside, he is mostly aware of what is really going on. He wants nothing more than to put something on and take off into the woods around the travelling show.

"It's true! I swear on my father's mustache, and it was, and you will not believe this, even more impressive than mine!"

The circus master lets out a full-belly laugh, lowering his chin and lips to further emphasize his long and bushy facial hair. A couple of kids in the crowd giggle. Most people are much more interested in the weird human-like reptile that roars, belows and hisses at them, than the man himself though. They gawk and point and gossip about how scary the monster is.

"Yes! Yes! Where was I… Ah! Of course! The battle raged on for what must have been an hour by the time I found them! The owlbear was barely standing but refusing to give this beast any ground. Luckily, I was able to intervein just in time to save both of these ferocious but fascinating creatures! You can find that very owlbear at tonight's show! Starting in less than an hour! Do not forget to come see it! You have never seen acrobats like ours! And our freaks come in all shapes and sizes! You will not believe the variety!"

Elias manages to calm down a little. Enough to relax in his chains for a little bit and stop pulling on them. His neck, wrists and ankles hurt like crazy from the metal digging into them. He needs a break.

Only a few seconds of the circus master's story later, something sharp strikes his temple. His scales protect him but it still hurts quite a bit. He looks up to see a younger kid pick up a rock from the ground and throw it at him. As it strikes him in the face, the rage ignites anew. Elias lunges in his chains, letting out a bellowing roar as he struggles against them. He wants to tear the little shit's face off but it is too far away. He wants to tear the circus master's spine out but he is just out of reach.

Most of the crowd recoils at his outburst, taking a step back but the little shit begins laughing and clapping, telling his father that he made the lizard be scary again. The father looks annoyed and mostly apathetic, clearly having had something to drink already.

"It's too loud," he man mumbles to himself.

"Ah! The monster is horrifying, I know. But do not be afraid, our chains can hold a dragon!"

Elias wants to cry as the circus master painfully pokes him in the forehead with his elaborate cane but is unable to. He watches his kidnapper finish his fake story about him fighting an owlbear. He would never do something like that. That thing is way too scary.

The man finally leaves him alone, beckoning the crowd to join him at the next exhibit – The Amazing Lionwoman. Jess.

Elias' induced rage slowly subsides again and he sits down on the cold dusty ground again, praying they don't come back at least today.

[onslaughtsixdotcom]

Scaling Up Dragon Heist

Around April or May of 2019, I started to run Waterdeep: Dragon Heist, one of the official WotC 5e hardcovers. I’m still not done with it, although that is largely the fault of COVID and my own extensions to the campaign. 

I think Dragon Heist is one of the better 5e modules by WotC. I think it’s got a strong playground for the characters, and Waterdeep has 30+ years of publication history to draw on. The release of the module also heralded in a HUGE amount of third party extension content, including the famous Alexandrian Remix. I hadn’t heard of this before I started running my campaign and having ideas about how to do it, so it didn’t influence me--although I’m sure we came to a lot of similar conclusions and ideas, based on common perceptions of what the actual flaws are of the module.

Still, despite those flaws, I think they help the module rather than hinder it. It gives the DM a shitload of room to improvise and draw in the margins, rather than some other 5e adventures which feel like they can’t be fucked with in the least.

Here’s the kicker: I started my adventure at level 4. We had a pre-existing party that I had run through the classic N1: Against the Cult of the Reptile God. (Fun fact: A map that I drew is the 3rd Google Images result for that. Woah.)

The party spent a few real-world weeks traveling across about 7 days of overland travel where I ran some drop in one shots; including Mike Krahulik’s Dusk (a Twilight parody) and a really fun 2 hour diversion where the players saw an ancient blue dragon take off the roof of a church during a wedding. Then they arrived in my city: Dawnharbour.

I don’t run the Forgotten Realms. I find it not to my taste. Most of the names suck. The lore is invariably boring or weird, and not the fun kind of weird. I was going to run Dragon Heist, and I was going to put it in my own city. I gave the players some justification previously for why they would want to go there: The cleric’s sister had been kidnapped by the Cult of the Reptile God and turned into a Yuanti; a snake person. The bard had stolen a golden statue of the Reptile God and wanted to melt it down and plate his violin with it. I told the cleric that they would need a high level magic user and someone in Dawnharbour could probably help them; ditto the bard needing a highly skilled magical blacksmith. The third player didn’t really care where they went since he was on the run from his home country. So, off to Dawnharbour. They reached level 4 when they got to the city.

I won’t bore you with the rest of the details of my city or everything I changed for the campaign. Instead, I’ll talk up some hard and fast ways to make the adventure work for a higher level party. Most of them revolve around the encounters. I’m assuming the party will start around level 4 or 5.

Chapter 1

The book opens with the players in the Yawning Portal, a famous tavern with a big ass well to a megadungeon underneath. (More on this later.) They’re hanging out doing whatever when a troll and some stirges pop out of the well. The book says that the players get attacked by the stirges while the owner of the bar, a typical Forgotten Realms 15th level Fighter running a fucking bar for a living deals with the troll.

A troll is CR 5. They can handle a troll. If they can’t, you have a bigger problem.

Next up the book leads them to a Zhentarim warehouse. When they get there it’s abandoned and there are (ugh) 3 Kenku. Kenku are like tengu if they sucked. They’re bird people who can only speak in mimickry, like parrots. They can only repeat words they’ve heard before. This is stupid as fuck (especially when a player wants to be one) but more importantly, they are incredibly weak. I think the kenku are just hanging out or they got captured by the Zhentarim who left them there after they bail or something like that. Whatever.

I put the Zhentarim there instead. I put like 20 Zhentarim. I used the Spy statblock; they don’t have a lot of CR and at level 4 or 5, the players are real slice and dicey about killing them. They can basically carve through two of these dudes in a turn. It was *really* fun to just have the players mow down these mooks. They used the 2nd floor to their advantage, casting Grease on the stairs and creating a bottleneck and then picking them off with ranged attacks and spells. I think I might have given the Zhents 1hp and treated them as minions (see 4e). 

I think I had the police show up after they were all dead; someone heard the commotion and called the cops. I think I also put an NPC there; I shuffled around a bunch of the NPCs the module uses. (They got their quest to save Volo from Bigby in the Yawning Portal; instead of finding Volo here, I think they found my equivalent of Renaer Neverremember.) There was a day’s break between this and them going into the sewers in the next part.

The sewer introduces the Xanathar’s minions. I believe a Duergar is actually there and I took this as a sign--I made most of Xanathar’s mooks Duergar, and then decided--this dude is a Beholder and he has a Mindflayer for a lieutenant. The Xanathar’s forces should ALL be classic D&D dungeon monsters, like rust monsters and umber hulks and ropers. This gives you a wide variety of weird shit you can throw at your players at different CR levels, and the idea of a gangster Beholder who thinks hiring a bunch of umber hulks to go shake down a local deli is fucking hilarious. But, it doesn’t make them any less dangerous. Throw some umber hulks or something in this lair. Go nuts--the weirder, the better. Xanathar’s crew should have no qualm about hanging out with a gibbering mouther or a carrion crawler.

Chapter 2

Chapter 2 is the least developed chapter in the book. It also revolved around a bunch of Forgotten Realms faction nonsense that I wanted nothing to do with. I used this time instead to formally introduce the Xanathar, the Cassalanters and Jarlaxle. After they foiled his plans to rig a goldfish competition (think a dog show but for fish), the Xanathar became convinced the players worked for the Zhentarim and invited them to have a sit down about their intentions; if they worked for the Zhents he wanted to formally declare war. The players hated the Zhents--they killed an NPC they liked back during N1, partially to set this all up. Xanny was cool with that.

The Cassalanters were a way to introduce a new player. They call up the Blackstaff to say, hey we have a magic item, can you send a guy here to deliver it? (Magic item possession is illegal on the streets in my setting, but if someone important hires you to transport it, then you can do it. This makes being a courier a very lucrative job; lots of people are just carrying around other people’s stuff for a living.) They almost immediately knock out the new player sent to pick up the item, and replace him with their dofflegagher. The idea was that the dofflegagher player would then infiltrate the Blackstaff’s organization.

Blackstaff is no dumbass and hired a random dude off the street--my new player. Then, Blackstaff hired the rest of the party to go rescue him--mostly as a ruse to snuff out the Cassalanters and get evidence that they were shitty.

When they encountered the Cassalanters, I used a Cambion; one of their servants turned into him. This guy slowly became a recurring lieutenant; he was basically the Goldar for the Cassalanter’s Lord Zedd and Rita Repulsa. At the time, I hadn’t read any lore for Cambions; I’m not particularly concerned with monster lore the way the guys who make the game write it. I literally thumbed through my deck of monsters, saw this winged devil horn dude, and said, “Right on, he looks like he’ll work.” A Cambion is CR5, more than suitable for the encounters the party will have with him over the next few levels. The Fiendish Charm ability is fun and can really fuck with the players; I ruled, of course, that anyone under its affect would obviously be free if the Cambion was killed. Even after it was killed, he just kept on coming back, because he’s from Hell and killing him on this plane doesn’t really do anything.

As the players continue to face the Cassalanters, a go-to seems to be spined devils. This is fine but not very powerful for a level 4, 5, 6 party. Therefore I suggest supplanting it with barbed devils. They’re CR5. Adding one or two of those to an encounter with spined devils can make this a real fun encounter that isn’t too horribly overwhelming, especially if at least one of your martial characters has a magic weapon (which they fucking should; they’re level 5!)

IMO you can also introduce Jarlaxle in this chapter; a fun way is through his Zardoz Zord persona. It could simply be that Jarlaxle knows Volo (or any other NPC the players know) and wants to invite them to a free meal to get to know them. In my game, Jarlaxle operates openly as himself (I found it would just complicate things if he was someone else) and invited the players to his yacht shortly after they met the Xanathar, to formally tell them all about the Vault of Dragons, the Stone, and how everyone they have met in the city is after it.

Chapter 3

I am not the biggest fan of this part of the module. I think nimblewrights and similar creatures are really dumb and don’t fit my D&D world. A lot of the stuff in this chapter is investigation stuff, and you can play that out however you like. It doesn’t drastically need scaling up, though you may have to account for something like Zone of Truth that they might not normally have access to. It also helps if you do the opposite of the book, and make the police a bunch of shitheads who don’t care about the city--this way the players are actually motivated to help. I’ve seen a LOT of posts that open with “the fireball happened and my players shrugged and said they would let the police handle it.” Horrible! The police should either be incompetent, apathetic, or (best case) both. They don’t care who did this and if they did, they wouldn’t be able to catch them. Now it’s completely on the players.

IMO it also helps if you do the leg work to make the NPC someone they actually care about. In the book it’s an NPC they’ve never met but they have a mutual acquaintance through--it would be nice if they get invited to a dinner with this NPC or something similar prior to this. Or, change it to be any NPC they like who you don’t mind killing. Hell, they’re level 5 or 6 at this point--if they got a cleric, they can even cast Revivify and wake the dude up. They could even cast Speak With Dead and immediately find out who blew him up or what he was doing here!

Moving on, there’s the Gralland Villa. I retooled the name to actually sound like a good name; sue me. 

The book has a bunch of Zhents hanging out here. A simple way to make this dramatic and hard is to pull the trigger and make the players fight their way in. The stone is right here at the villa and they need to steal it. Sounds simple enough.

Things got complicated for my party when a recurring NPC appeared. She was an ex girlfriend of the bard in our party; they were both Tieflings. She now worked for the Zhentarim and was basically their second in command. And she was here to steal the stone, come Hell or high water. The bard, still in love with her, was perfectly content to let her steal it and even cover her getaway. The rest of the players, not so much, but when the chaos was ensuing and she was literally running past them with the stone in hand, made the decision that it was smarter to try and help her escape and then figure out how to get the stone from her later, than try and get it from her now.

This led literally directly to chapter 4.

Chapter 4

By now it’s obvious: I used all 4 bad guys.

I ran through the chapter and picked the coolest maps and best encounter ideas, including the rooftop chase, the theater, the sewer and the courthouse. I weaved them together carefully, and all the changes I had made to the groups paid off when they entered the theater, chased by barbed devils and our Cambion friend, only to have an Umber Hulk with the Xanathar’s logo painted on his face crash through the stage, flanked by two Duergar. Add in some Drow gunslingers and it was a fucking party.

(the large hexagon is where somebody cast Darkness; the big scuffed circle is a grody spot on my grid tiles. I still need new ones...)

The courthouse had a great scene where the Cassalanter dofflegagher impersonated the chief of police, interrogating the players for the code word to activate the stone (I added one; who cares?) until the real chief of police showed up! The players had to do an entire encounter with this guy while handcuffed; thank god for verbal only spells, right? 

From here the stone ended up with the players, and then it ended up with Jarlaxle who they are working for. Jarlaxle attuned to it and told them the Vault of Dragons is inside Undermountain; 3, 5 levels deep? Who knows? And it requires 3 keys: The Crown of Asmodeus, the Ring of Winter, and the Robe of the Archmagi.

I gave these 3 magic items to the Cassalanters, the Xanathar and Manshoon. This is a pretty common hack and it means the lairs in the book actually get used. I made up one of the magic items (Crown of Asmodeus) and stole another from a module I don’t intend to run as written (the Ring of Winter is, I believe, in either Tomb of Annihilation or Storm King’s Thunder). They’re fun!

So the rest of the campaign has been the players bouncing between going deep into Undermountain, the megadungeon underneath the Yawning Portal, and going to the 3 different villain factions to steal their shit. 

The villain lairs are NOT statted for level 5 players AT ALL. The players have no hope of actually killing ANY of the villains at level 5; to fight the Xanathar is a pure TPK at level 5. But at level 8, like where my players are now? One of them died and then got Revivified; the others all survived or made their saves when they were hit by death or disintegration. (In the spirit of the Xanathar, I rolled every eye beam randomly, rerolling if I had used that ray in the last round.) That’s about the best you can hope for with a Beholder IMO! 

The rest of the lairs you can mostly run as-is. Any very low CR mooks, basically anything lower than 1 or 2 CR, I would probably replace with a higher CR variant. We’ve already discussed what you can replace them with above, and if you’ve made it this far into the module, you should have a pretty good sense of what your players can handle.

[wxldchxld]

🍎  :    how stable is my muse’s mental health?  have they been diagnosed with any mental illnesses and  /  or conditions?  do they have any undiagnosed mental illnesses and  /  or conditions?  do they or should they attend therapy? 

🍇  :    how would my muse describe their childhood?  how much has it impacted the person they are now,  or will become as an adult?  around what age did they or will they start to mature,  and why?  do they wish to go back to their days as a child,  or have they embraced adulthood?  

🍌  :    is my muse inclined to help others,  or will they only do it when it benefits them,  if at all?  what makes them this way?  has it ever gotten them into trouble,  or inconvenienced them?   

🍓  :    how is my muse typically seen by others?  does it ring true to who they really are?  does their reputation matter to them? 

🥝  :    does my muse have any  ‘  unusual  ’  habits,  interests,  and  /  or talents?  do they hide it,  or are they proud of it?  

🍋  :    what kind of diet does my muse have?  do they eat regularly,  or the standard 2-3 meals a day?  do they have to be reminded to eat,  or are they likely to remind others?  do they cook,  or have others cook for them?  do they eat healthily,  or not so much? 

🍎  :    how stable is my muse’s mental health?  have they been diagnosed with any mental illnesses and  /  or conditions?  do they have any undiagnosed mental illnesses and  /  or conditions?  do they or should they attend therapy?

Harper is pretty neurotypical. She does have some childhood trauma relating to her father leaving and her relationship with her mother. Her mom was an active service member and this led to a lot of instability in her childhood.

See Harper's mom and her grandmother weren't on great speaking terms. Her mother never told her father about the pregnancy, and that caused a rift between them before Harper was even born. Her mother also struggled with alcoholism when Harper was younger and while Harper was never abused, her mom did make some very poor decisions and her grandmother wasn't always sympathetic, usually blaming her mom for her bad choices with money, and then getting even angrier when her mom wouldn't accept help even as they were on the verge of financial collapse. This lead to her grandmother calling DHR and some very messy fights that Harper heard.

Harper didn't walk away from her experiences with poverty and family drama unscathed. Her mom did eventually go to rehab, and her grandmother did eventually try to make amends with her before she passed.

This isn't even touching on Harper's attempt to reunite with her father and his rejection of her or her mother's rejection when she came out to her as a lesbian.

So Harper definitely needs therapy, but I don't have enough knowledge to put the name of a specific diagnosis on her other than childhood trauma.

🍇  :    how would my muse describe their childhood?  how much has it impacted the person they are now,  or will become as an adult?  around what age did they or will they start to mature,  and why?  do they wish to go back to their days as a child,  or have they embraced adulthood?

I think she would describe it as pretty average. Not necessarily pleasant all the time, but she figures everyone walks away from their childhood with some kind of problem. She is ok with talking about it, but she isn't really ok with reflecting on it for what it is. Normally when she talks about it she's very detached and purposefully cold.

I think the question about maturity is---not great? Like I could say Harper had to grow up fast and learn to do things on her own because of all the alone time she had---but that's not maturing. Even as an adult, Harper doesn't have a lot of emotional intelligence.

Beck had a lot of alone time as a kid and she has her own issues with trauma, but I do feel like her years in the wild, having her freedom and her happiness, gave her a lot of time to reflect and to grow up emotionally and to kind of decide how she at least wants to try to act.

This is in pure contrast to Harper. Harper's alone time as a kid didn't do anything but cause her more pain. Harper may not love how her mother acts, but it is one of her only models of behavior. She gained the veneer of maturity that comes with learning to suppress your feelings and get your shit done, but she had very little emotional intelligence. This is why she often resorts to yelling and mean comments when she's angry or hurt. And the fact that she essentially learned to never cry and to combat her vulnerability with anger and it helped her get where she is now in life did not help that.

All that being said no. Harper would not like to go back to being a child. She might want to go back to being a teen. At the time she had Beck, her first love, and she also had actual friends that appreciated her and liked her for who she was. That's not something she really gets anymore. Idk if it'd be enough to make her want to go back tho.

🍌  :    is my muse inclined to help others,  or will they only do it when it benefits them,  if at all?  what makes them this way?  has it ever gotten them into trouble,  or inconvenienced them?

Harper is inclined to help when and if it gets her her way and given that the payoff is good enough. She's pretty self centered and apathetic to the general plight of humanity. In Marvel verses she lives in New York at the time of Loki and the most she'll ever say about the invasion was it was an irritating distraction that caused an inconvenient amount of damage to the roads.

She WILL help the people she cares about with no boundaries though. If someone she loves has a problem or a need she will attack it tirelessly and ruthlessly. If they're in danger there is no line she won't cross to protect them. But there are very, very, VERY few people Harper would do this for. And not to sound cliché but currently all of those people are ---- well it's actually just Beck lmao.

The reason she's like this could go back to her childhood and her experience losing her grandmother but I'm honestly not sure it's that deep? Harper is kind of selfish. She dislikes most people and distances herself from them in order to not feel guilty for her selfishness. It's not a great look, but that's the current state she's in for any verse you'll meet her in. Sure this does change in stories where she has time to grow, but never enough to make her a humanitarian.

Also no this doesn't really get her into trouble. She's pretty safe on top of the world.

🍓  :    how is my muse typically seen by others?  does it ring true to who they really are?  does their reputation matter to them?

Most people see Harper as a shrewd business woman and or a downright bitch. I won't lie and say they're totally wrong, but there is a genuine person in there and her flaws are usually exaggerations of the things that are good about her mixed in with her trauma. So yes, they technically see who she really is, but they lack the context to understand her fully. And she both allows and encourages this misunderstanding because it's advantageous to her. It helps her maintain control in the business world but also in the magical one. She employs and is followed by a lot of incredibly dangerous supernatural beings. Literal thousands of vampires, witches, and werewolves do as she bids and submit to her lead in large part because they respect her power. So she kind of has to let people think she's a bitch, but honestly she kind of likes it too. She has taken the label with pride.

🥝  :    does my muse have any  ‘  unusual  ’  habits,  interests,  and  /  or talents?  do they hide it,  or are they proud of it?

She's a necromancer so... Like that's pretty weird right? Specifically her research is focused on creating the perfect vampire in hopes of one day turning herself into a vampire without losing any of her magical abilities or having to be vulnerable to "silly" things like sunlight and garlic.

She also really really likes snakes and reptiles in general.

🍋  :    what kind of diet does my muse have?  do they eat regularly,  or the standard 2-3 meals a day?  do they have to be reminded to eat,  or are they likely to remind others?  do they cook,  or have others cook for them?  do they eat healthily,  or not so much?

I think Harper genuinely tries to eat healthy. She doesn't have any like sensory issues with food and while she isn't immune to worrying about weight, also doesn't obsess over it. I mean she doesn't have to because she spends so much time and energy on working she probably couldn't gain a pound if she ate a literal weight. Magic can be very draining, and she very often gets so focused she doesn't eat for hours. Then she feels sick and doesn't want to eat anything and she sure as fuck isn't about to cook.

This was one of the great ways that she and Beck fit together. Beck loved to cook and would drop by the office or the lab with snacks (so long as she didn't have to get near anything dead or nasty) and she always made enough dinner for two even when Harper said she wouldn't be home in time. And Beck eats pretty healthy (usually) so it worked well.

She does have a cook who makes meals for her. She usually takes them for lunch and if she remembers to will take a break and eat. Harper certainly doesn't cook. She thinks it is tedious and all too often has burned something because she was trying to multitask and forgot and nearly set the penthouse on fire.

Her favorite is when she gets the chance to eat with someone else that she likes. She absolutely adores French food and has a go-to place for meet ups.

[writersblockandapotoftea]

do you think you could give some tips on worldbuilding? your worldbuilding is really thorough, and i'd love to get some worldbuilding done, but i dont have any idea where to start. just a quick runthrough of how you do it would be great. Thanks!

Alright, thank you so much for the ask! This… Is Hard to Make Concise, because I don’t follow a set pattern apart from starting Big and going to Small. Fill the big parts of your world before your small parts. I’ll try to make it clearer with the next few paragraphs, but the tl:dr, always start with the big picture, go into niches later. I’ll go into ecology and culture and hopefully, it won’t be too much of a mess.

Ecology: The Natural Systems of the World

Ecology is FUN. There’s so much in the natural world you can draw inspiration from. Before starting this, I’m gonna preface this by saying I am not the best at biology and usually pull it out of my butt.

Whenever I’m worldbuilding, I always start with the biological world and the start of any world is geography and I try to answer these questions:

Geography:

What are the defining features of the landscape?

Where are the mountains?

What does the coast look like? (Maps are sweet for this part.)

What’s the water table like? Are there glaciers?

What biome is in that location? (Eg. Temperate Forest, Taiga, Rainforest, Tundra. Fun fact: the largest biome in the world is the sea floor.) This’ll help you define plant life, and plant life helps determine what animal species there are. Plants are important, y’all.

Biology:

What do the plants look like?

What are your specialists? Your hypercarnivores and giant herbivores shape the world around them a lot. These are your theropods, hyenadonts, elephants, whales and sharks?

.What are your generalists? Think hell pigs, beardogs and well, modern bears. Generalists have a better chance of surviving catastrophes. The mammals, reptiles and birds that survived the end Cretaceous Extinction were small and unspecialized.

Good things for ecology learning: PBS EONS, DND MAPS, BLUE PLANET I and II

Culture: The humanoid systems of the world.

To get this out of the way first: Culture is a system of collective fictions that a group believes in. Money, religion, art, they have no value beyond what humans, elves and dwarves ascribe to them. So, keeping this definition in mind, let’s do some more worldbuilding.

When I worldbuild, I don’t answer questions like I do for ecology, instead, I try to fill out the big five that almost every society, big or small, has.

Knife: This is a weapon, a tool for everything from hunting, to cooking. What does their knife look like? Is it chipped stone or animal bone? Is it bronze or steel?

Bread: Bread really is just grains and water mushed together and cooked. Is it made from big grains or fine flours? Is it sourdough or unleavened? How is it cooked? (Make a bread recipe for your world.

Art: What does their visual art look like? Is it painted, statues? Is it as simple as a handprint on a wall? What sort of music do they listen to? What do their instruments look like? Religion, stories and art often go hand in hand.

Records: Where there’s records, there’s usually an economy, a set of rules. So who sets these rules? Is it an oral tradition or are there physical imprints of it? Cultures without writing usually have an oral tradition. (This is where history is kept, so brief bit: What events/people/cool bit of shiny metal do they see as important?)

Bones: Do they have doctors? Do they bring the infirmed with them? Are the dead buried with any ceremony? How are children treated? The elderly?

Economics:

Despite how the highs and lows of capitalism may make you feel, economics are important. I have these questions I like to have answered with economics:

Are they a barter system or no?

If yes:

What is the equivalency? If someone gives you a chicken, do you fix their shoes?

If no:

What does the currency look like?

What are your cultures' imports and exports, if they have any? (People can be included in this, BTW.)

(Read the Ascent of Money by Niel Furgeson)

Now to tackle the biggest part of a lot of cultures; religion. Religion is… Complicated to say the least. I recommend reading the Reason for God to help with this. When worldbuilding religion, start big and go small. Remember, religions are highly connected to the world around them, for example, the cyclic mythology of Ancient Egypt.

Are they poly or monotheistic?

What values do they ascribe to the gods? Are they caring parents? Apathetic watchers? Vengeful warriors? Horny fuckers with no regard for the wellbeing of the people they’re supposed to be caring for?

Interesting thing I noticed while reading: Goddesses are more likely to where the heart of the values people believe are to be ascribed, which I thought was neat. E.g, in Greek Mythology, Zeus, Poseidon, Hades and the male gods all have these big, undefinable, inhuman realms, like the sky, and the sea and the underworld. In stark contrast, with the exception of Aphrodite, the goddesses have smaller, more human roles. Marriage, the harvest, wisdom, the hunt, the hearth.

Of course, that’s only a thing I’ve noticed in the very few mythologies I’ve got any semblance of knowledge on. This could be completely untrue and I could be talking out of my ass, which happens sometimes.

If they’re polythestic, which gods hold what roles? Which is the god that everyone worships as the most important? (Zeus, Aphrodite, Ra, etc) aka, who’s the boss?

Are there cults?

Resources for religion and culture:

Sapiens

Guns, Germs and Steel

Collapse

Finally, every society should have:

A food source: Agriculture or hunter gatherer? Do they store food for winter?

A water source: Are there wells? Do they irrigate crops?

A way to deal with waste, including, but not limited to: food waste, fecal matter, material waste.

A way to defend itself against disease, invasion or internal disarray.

Tl:dr Read and watch a lot of nonfiction. Start big and go to smaller stuff later. Everything society is built on is a fiction.

[sidhewrites]

Odd numbers for wip ask smelli

WIP Asks || Hell yeah || What up Mr. Man chose The Blythes

1: Summarize your WIP in 10 words or less.

Two eldergods pretending to be human with some gay pals.

3: Does your WIP have a title? If so, explain its significance. If not, what are you calling it for now?

Like not officially. I call it The Blythes because that’s the last name of the two main characters lol. Titles are really hard to do, I always struggle with them.

5: Search for the word "knife" in your WIP. If you find it, paste the line and explain the context.

Her palette knifes needed to be cleaned, and her brushes needed to be scrubbed. It reeked of acrylic and turpentine. It reeked of home.

There’s no real context here -- most of the work is just disconnected bits and pieces, and this was just a warm up describing settings.

7: What are you most proud of?

World building! I’m really good at it and, I’d like to think it’s one of the best parts of my work. Although I also really like family moments. I feel really proud of the interactions between family members I write.

9: How would you describe your writing style?

Uhhhhh. I like it. Sometimes poetic, sometimes a bit fairy tale but I’d like to think it’s enjoyable and emotional and vivid?? Yeah. Tell me what my writing style is because i don’t know.

11: Which character do you have the most in common with?

Bee is still a self insert lollll.

13: Your characters are stranded on a deserted island. What happens?

Characters in this case probably refer to Bee and Tanith. And Bee is concerned about getting back, trying to make plans and see if they can do it without giving up their corporeal forms, but Tanith is busy being thrilled about the wildlife, even if (especially if) it’s just some lizards and crabs and fish. She loves reptiles and fish and especially insects. And then once Bee finally gets Tanith’s head in the game, Tan can make a bridge as long as they need it to be, and get them home.

15: Do you know your characters' MBTI personalities?

I do not. Please help me with these please.

17: Does your WIP have any themes or motifs?

Gay! Social anxiety! The power of friendship! Creepy things and cute things!! The power of friendship trumping eldergods and forces apathetic to the wellbeing of humankind!

19: Post a picture or gif that describes your WIP.

From Alexgold_Art’s Instagram

[mspaleoart]

Effigia – Late Triassic (208-201 Ma)

It’s time for our second Triassic animal, a little bipedal reptile from the famous Ghost Ranch Quarry. Its name is Effigia, which means ‘Ghost,’ and there’s a little more to it than you might think.

We don’t know very much about Effigia itself. It was a member of the small, scurrying sort of reptiles. It lived during the last days of Pangea in what is today New Mexico. New Mexico was a land of extremes, sandwiched between the rich coasts and the brutal deserts of the ancient supercontinent. It was afflicted by arid dry seasons and unpredictable wet seasons. Effigia was a nimble opportunist of an herbivore, probably able to eat a variety of hardy plants and weeds. It lived a lot like a dinosaur, and sure looked like one.

This isn’t a dinosaur, by the way.

Effigia is a poposaur, which were archosaurs closely-related to crocodilians. Despite that, Effigia is ridiculously similar to a theropod dinosaur. It has two legs and a gracile shape, with a long neck and a long tail. What’s the difference? There are a few minute skeletal differences, but a big one is that Effigia has an extra finger—theropods had three fingers at the most. Poposaurs took on all sorts of different shapes, and a lot of them ended up looking like dinosaurs. Some were bipeds, sure, but others were four-legged tanks. Some of them were even aquatic. They were a really diverse group, but only stuck around during the Triassic, probably perishing during the extinction event at the end of the period. Why, though, other than the obvious answer of “Mass extinction?” It’s possible that dinosaurs just did what they did, but better.

Dinosaurs weren’t around for most of the Triassic period. Despite being the first period in the Age of Dinosaurs, the stars of the show didn’t show up until around the end of the Triassic. It would be more accurate to call the Triassic the Age of the Suchians. If we’re talking about broad diversity of body shapes and niches, suchians (that is, crocodilians and everything more closely-related to them than to dinosaurs) were the most diverse during the Triassic. 

The Triassic began right after the Permian extinction, the most devastating extinction event in the history of the earth. That meant a lot of free real estate in the global food web, and the suchians were more than happy to help themselves. Their diversity was almost comparable to that of the dinosaurs in the Jurassic.They came in all sorts of shapes and filled just about every role you can think of. This diversity was cut short at the end of the Triassic, and reduced to only a few groups. Dinosaurs showed up in the meantime, and, for one reason or another, were more adjusted to the environment. Especially once everything started dying.

As with most other extinction events, we don’t know exactly what happened 200 million years ago, but we can see its effects. All of the suchians bit it, except for crocodylomorphs (crocodiles and near-crocodiles). That’s the poposaurs, phytosaurs, rauisuchians, aetosaurs, prestosuchids, and plenty more. Big amphibians, which still hung on after the Permian extinction, disappeared. All but the smallest synapsids went extinct, with the survivors eventually becoming mammals. We lost the conodonts, a group of jawless marine vertebrates that looked kind of like eels. There are, of course, a few theories as to how this whole situation went down. We know for a fact that Pangea was breaking up during this time, and that probably caused a whole lot of catastrophic events. To me, the most likely answer is a combination of two of the leading theories:

Climate change: As the continents broke up and more of the land found itself next to rivers and seas, the deserts covering Pangea shrank and animals adapted to live there were unable to do so anymore. This wasn’t all bad, though, since it led to the explosion in diversity in the Jurassic period. Every mass extinction has a silver lining, except maybe the Permian. That one just kind of fucked the entire planet up for 50 million years.

Lots and lots of volcanic activity: The continents moving away from each other at the same time probably made the earth kind of upset.  That much volcanism would have destroyed local ecosystems. It also means pumping a lot of harmful gasses into the air and exacerbating climate change around the world. All it takes is one big eruption to knock the climate off-kilter. For example, when Mount Tambora erupted in 1815, the next year was so cold that farmers in the eastern U.S. woke up to frosty crops in July. Imagine that, but happening a whole bunch.

There is a third theory about an asteroid impact, but there’s no definitive evidence of an impact from around that time. This theory gets thrown out a lot with mass extinctions, but is pretty much baseless if we don’t have a crater. It’s why the K-Pg impact wasn’t taken very seriously for a long time, until we found the crater and learned it was at least one of the major factors in that whole situation.

Despite only living for a little while at the beginning of the Mesozoic, Effigia and its cousins aren’t just failed experiments, or versions of dinosaurs that weren’t good enough. Extinction is unpredictable and apathetic. It kills haphazardly, without reason. If things hadn’t gone the way they did, would suchians have ruled the Mesozoic? We know that dinosaurs were excellent at adapting and could make the most of very little. If that was never a necessity, would they have fallen to the wayside as crocodile cousins took over? Would we talk about dinosaurs the way we talk about poposaurs, an anecdote in the story of life, forgotten in favor of the animals that made it? Would suchians have eventually produced something like birds?

Personally, I don’t think so. Birds rely on so many adaptations that only theropod dinosaurs have. Maybe a branch of suchians would have developed a similar body plan and produced something like a bird, but who knows? Feathers are only found in the animals closer to dinosaurs, would we even know about feathers? That’s assuming we or anything as intelligent as us even shows up. The more you think about it, the more questions there are.

Although, they’re mostly unimportant, considering what happened is what happened. It’s fun to speculate about what things might be like if they were a little different, and Effigia represents, to me at least, a window into one of history’s biggest What-Could-Have-Beens.

[burialhq]

STATUS :   mythic. CAMOUFLAGE :  shapeshifting  ( limited ; explained below ) . INHERITANCE :   created. ABILITIES :   while some may be guardians or outright evil spirits, which affect their abilities as such, the nix are always most powerful near a body of water and depend on it as a source of life. typically freshwater ecosystems are preferred, but in times of crisis, saltwater can work - just not as effectively. the connection between the nix and water allows them to swim at increased speeds, breathe underwater for hours at a time, and sense other living and nonliving things within a five-mile radius in short bursts. they don’t have the natural ability to manipulate water in any large capacity - especially when outside of or far from it - but they can influence how water pushes and pulls in any direction. in some stories, a group of nix could create large whirlpools and other water traps for their own amusement.

shapeshifting is a lesser used ability of the nix, often reserved as a means of defense. what each nix shifts into can vary depending on background, concentration, and natural ability, but it’s often some sort of animal that has an affinity for water  ( e.g., fish, swans, snakes, and other small amphibians and reptiles ) . this requires a lot of concentration on behalf of the nix, but as a result, any animal they take the form of is the most captivating of its kind and can push others into a state of hypnosis if near the shapeshifted nix for too long. the art of shifting into larger creatures, such as horses, was lost over a century ago and is not a typical creature of choice amongst the few remaining nix today. on a smaller note, nix immunities and weaknesses transfer into their shapeshifted form.

what has often been considered the nix’s most dangerous gift is their ability to influence, which immediately twists into manipulation depending on the nix’s intent. nix have an exceptional mastery over song and music, melodies acting as a medium for which they channel their powers of enchantment. to be most successful, the nix must always balance the trinity of enchantment magic: emotion, intention, and attunement. emotion acts as the source, intention gives the direction, and attunement secures the connection. for example, a nix who feels deep betrayal  ( emotion )  and wants to exact revenge  ( intention )  on a former lover  ( attunement )  would be much more successful than one who is apathetic, has no desire, and lives a lonelier life; a rare occurrence for their kind.

while beautiful to the ear, their melodies are usually sad tales of mistrust, deceit, and even death. in some cases, the nix have been known to play melodies that invigorate, uplift, or even heal anyone or anything close by. the power behind their magic amplifies when closer to or submerged in natural water; their songs easily binding one’s mind in a lethargic, sometimes fatal state. depending on the nature of the nix and the intensity of the connection, once enchanted and the nix is within arm’s reach, stories tell that they’ve drained a body of its life energy  ( soul )  and completely eviscerate their victim’s physical body. long ago, the nix exclusively used the water to help fortify their abilities, but through generations,  ( although, weaker )  they can be used outside of it.

LIFESPAN :   the most reliable folktale recounts that the nix were originally designed as guardians of an old, sleepy god that resided at the bottom of the sea who collected lost treasures and people  ( their life energies, specifically )  over the course of time. the more the nix aided in luring victims into the water, the more they discovered the aging of their bodies slowed. naturally, nix live up to a century, physically maturing around 25-30 years old.

aligned with the original tales, as long as the nix make sacrifices, they can live to be a few centuries old and never lose their youthful vigor or beauty. however, it’s assumed that not many still exist in the world, as they’ve often been preyed upon by other supernatural creatures and human hunters alike. pure nix blood used to be a treasured commodity. as such, many of them have been killed off before  “ old age. ”

IMMUNITIES :   being preservers of water, nix are highly resistant to fire in many forms. it would take a concentrated, unnatural  ( magical )  type of fire to be effective against them. the nix are also highly resistant to many forms of enchantment magic, and are near immune to forms of enchantment from others of their kind  ( this includes other related fae creatures, more on this below ) . in terms of the natural world around them, nix aren’t as affected by extreme temperatures or weather types, sometimes benefiting from them instead. for example, when outside in the rain, nix may move at increased speeds as if swimming in water.

WEAKNESSES :   in general, the nix are susceptible to most sickness and disease, both human and supernatural, although they experience milder symptoms and faster recoveries if they withdraw to natural bodies of water for a long period of time. long ago, it was absolutely fatal for them to come into contact with silver, but now the nix have become resistant through generations - it only acts like an allergen, but too much exposure can still burn a nix’s insides. tales say that calling a nix by their birth name can paralyze or even kill them, and while this isn’t necessarily false, it takes a particular amount of conviction in one’s heart to speak the nix’s name and harm them accordingly. this is why so many nix choose a new name as soon as possible and find many ways to erase or protect those memories. just how magic works for them, they cannot be killed in this way unless the desire was stronger than the nix’s will to live.

nix cannot live without water for long periods of time. while some have gotten more accustomed to walking amongst humans on dry land, they have to stay hydrated consistently or their physical and mental bodies can decay rapidly. water in all states of matter helps, but extended separation from natural bodies of water can strip a nix of their supernatural energy, and in some cases, result in death.

ATTRIBUTES :   the nix are mostly humanoid, but they do have a range of features that can make them distinguishable: perpetually damp clothes, pointed ears, sharper canines, flawless skin that almost radiates. in extreme cases, nix have been known to carry some of their shapeshifted animal’s characteristics into their humanoid form  ( for example, webbed feet/hands, longer nails, fins, textured skin, scales ) . the nix tend to be light on their feet, best described as gliding or sauntering around on land. they can be an unpredictable bunch, and this affects their natural push and pull with the world around them. at their best, their presence can be easeful and even seductive. at worst, it can be more difficult to focus and the feeling of anticipation rises.

EFFECTS :   being so closely intertwined with nature, the nix interact with the various amounts of natural energy around them to reinforce their magic. immediate atmospheres might be more humid, but the air quality is cleaner. trees and plants might grow in strange, odd shapes and colors, but the colors are their most vibrant. natural water might have a darker, almost rich quality, but it can offer brief medicinal properties like a burst of energy or a cool, calming feeling.

when on land, the nix have been known to absorb large amounts of natural water wherever they go to reserve for later. after it rains, there might be many dry pockets of air and land that appear unaffected by the previous events. the nix can also tip the scales in water supply for an immediate area or building if living in shared spaces with humans, taking much longer showers and baths for their amusement and satisfaction.

BONUS :   while there isn’t much concrete evidence about which god(s) created the nix, they are closely related to other natural fae creatures and natural spirits. because of this, certain forms of magic - especially anything that enchants, deceives, or manipulates - coming from other fae creatures has almost no effect on the nix. it’s also been noted that while the nix make these sacrifices to stay youthful and beautiful for centuries, they also run the risk of becoming obsessed with their own beauty and songs, and can become ruthless, frightening creatures in pursuit of perfection.

[tyranttortoise]

I mostly just want to know what your headcanons are for the AU skelebros [UT, US, UF, SF]. Also, Squatter Skeletons and the Landlady is freaking wonderful.

Hey there!  Thank you so much; I’m glad you’re enjoying Skeletal Squatters and the Landlady!  =D

My headcanons tend to shift depending on the timeframe/what I’m writing for, so I’ll do the ones for the skelebros of SSLL! I’m going to throw in a few thoughts of the Reader, too.  

UT!Sans:

He’s pretty much the leader of the family–this is his timeline, afterall–so he tends to stress out about the responsibility.  He’s usually much too apathetic to deal with much more besides making sure Papyrus is happy, so the fact that he’s now trying to keep this bunch of skeletons under control is really taking its toll.  He de-stresses by drinking at Grillby’s and spends a disconcerting amount of time in the basement of the lodge.  He’s also.. kind of wary of you going into the woods alone for some reason.  But when you ask him about it, he just makes a joke.  In fact, he’s really good at deflecting with humor.  He also suffers from nightmares, so he doesn’t sleep much.. yet naps throughout the day.You never know what he does for a living–if anything.  He’s vague and mentions odd jobs, but that’s it.  Papyrus mentioned something about Hot Dogs, but it went over your head.

He’s a little wary of you at first, but mostly just relates to the need to get away from your stress and take a breather.  He’ll try to lighten your spirits with puns, and since you treat Pap well, you’ve earned his respect. If you like bad food, good laughs, and long naps, he’s the skelebro for you.

Sans has never had a relationship.  But he did kinda take Frisk on a date at the MTT Resort, and then made a few thinly-veiled threats that made them cry.  Good times.

UT!Papyrus:

Papyrus is a complete sweetheart, but he isn’t as innocent and naïve as he’s made out to be.  He does, however, strive to do everything absolutely perfect, no exceptions.  The Surface world excites him, and most of his knowledge about human customs comes from watching TV, so he’s sometimes horribly misinformed–but means well!  He wants to learn everything he can about life with the humans, and he sees the good in everyone.. this includes Edge and the Swapfell bros.  He’s super excited to have a huge family now!  The more friends and family, the better!  He loves going new places in his car, but never admits to taking a vacation.  To him, he’s always working.  He is the self-proclaimed monster mascot, after all!  He has to uphold his position!  Did I mention he still sleeps in a race car bed?  Yeah, you’re totally going to cruise while you snooze with him at some point.

Paps introduced you to his family to bridge the monster-human gap because he’s good at his job.  He’s so good that it’s just his natural personality!  He’s going to be slow to pick up on his own feelings, but the way to his heart is through compliments and just being kind to others.  Oh, and wait.. you can cook spaghetti?  Yeah, you’re golden.

Papyrus has never had a relationship, but he also dated Frisk!  Once.  In his bedroom. … And he also made them cry.  

US!Sans:

Life on the Surface is exciting!  All these humans are exciting!  Living with the other skelebros is EXCITING! Blueberry is a little ball of energy that can’t contain himself.  Because of his demeanor and level-of-hyyypppe, he tends to get treated like a child, and he hates that.. Unless he can use it to his advantage.  He’s cunning enough to get away with more than he should because of those assumptions, especially where humans are involved.  That said, he wears his heart on his sleeve and really doesn’t hold his emotions back.  If he’s hurt, he’s going to cry.  If he wants to hug you, he’s going to hug you.  Though he sees the good in most like Papyrus, he still doesn’t really like the Underfell bros or the Swapfell bros.  But that’s probably because he sees a lot of himself and his brother in SF!Sans&Pap, and Edge antagonizes him.  He’s incredibly close to Stretch, who’s a touch on the overprotective side when it comes to his brother.  

Blueberry is going to do whatever he can to get close to you and try to make you happy whenever you’re around him.  He tends to get jealous easily (though not so much when it comes to Stretch), and tries to demand all of your attention.  If you treat him like a child, it’s going to break his heart, but he’ll do what he can to make you see him as an adult.

Blueberry has also never had a relationship, but he’s had fleeting crushes.  

US!Papyrus:

Stretch is apathetic and lazy, as clearly seen with his room.  He spends a lot of time crashing on the couch because he can’t be bothered to untangle the ball of sheets his bed’s become.  His hoodie reeks of smoke and honey, and he doesn’t get out much except for going to Muffet’s bakery (it’s not his Muffet, but it’s close) and going along with Blueberry whenever he leaves the lodge.  His brother is the most important person in his life, and anyone that messes with Blueberry is going to have a bad time.  He watches a ton of TV with Red, and although the two of them argue for the sake of arguing from time-to-time, they’re on pretty good terms. Much like Sans, Stretch spends a good deal of time in the basement and suffers from nightmares, so he has difficulty sleeping through the night.  His vices are spiking his honey with monster whiskey and smoking.  If he doesn’t have a cigarette between his teeth, he usually has a sucker.He’s also incredibly perceptive.  He doesn’t look like it with that lazy grin perpetually set on his face, but he’s the master at reading body language and can tell when you’re hiding something/lying.

He really likes touching your hair, and while it may come across as treating you like a child, it’s actually that he just thinks it feels soft and nice.  He’s trying to be careful with calling you “kid” like he wants to ever since the whole Grandpa thing.  He’s pretty sure he’s never going to live that down.  He thinks you’re fun to tease, and if he can make you blush, it’s a victory.  He has the occasional selfish moment.. like when he ended up snuggling with you in his bed against his better judgement.  That night was really the catalyst for making him wish you’d just stay.  

Stretch has had a few casual flings, but never an actual relationship.  He’s also kept those a secret from his brother.

UF!Sans:

Red still calls his brother “boss.”  In fact, the collar he’s wearing was given to him by Papyrus to mark him as his property so no other monsters would mess with him.  Red is stronger than most monsters, sure, but his abysmal HoPe means that one wrong move would be enough to dust him.  Thankfully, being the brother of the Captain of the Royal Guard meant that not many dared to mess with him.  With peaceful Surface life, Red pretty much just goes along with whatever the boss wants, while spending his free time eating greasy food and watching TV.  He gets bored easily, and he’s a total pervert.  His brand of humor is dark and self-depreciating, and he honestly doesn’t have a great deal of self-esteem or self-worth, but much like his Classic! counterpart, he deflects with humor and hides behind a smirk. He also suffers from nightmares and doesn’t sleep well during the night.  He admires his brother–he always has–but he’s terrified of his wrath and doesn’t appreciate anyone speaking ill of him despite his misdeeds.  If the boss is unhappy, chances are that Red’s unhappy, too.

From the get-go, Red was attracted to you, though his come-ons were mostly just for the hell of it.  He’s the type to try to get your attention any way he can, and he enjoys messing with you to see how far he can push you before you push back.  His feelings start off as casual interest, which start to grow the more he gets to know you.  Right now, he’s the skelebro that knows the most about you (yep, he snooped through your phone), and you might not be so happy with him once you figure it out.. He’s the jealous type, but when his brother’s concerned, he’s not going to fight him over you… yet.

Red’s never had an actual relationship, but like Stretch, he’s had a couple of flings.. only they were when he was younger, back before Edge became an adult.  Ever since he got the collar, his sex life has been dead.  

(It’s never even occurred to him that now that they’re on the Surface, he could take it off.)

UF!Papyrus:

Edge isn’t a fan of humanity.  The barrier’s broken, and he wants nothing more than to take revenge on the humans that trapped all the monsters down there… but… he can’t.  There’s just too many of them.  And now he’s not the Captain of the Royal Guard (and that infuriating Blueberry keeps telling him “ALPHYS WAS THE CAPTAIN, NOT YOU!” which makes no sense whatsoever because that crazy reptile bitch could never have what it took to be in the Guard, much less Captain).  It leaves him without purpose, and that SIMPLY WILL NOT DO.  Whenever he goes out in public, humans gawk at him and he glares.  He’s in a perpetual bad mood, and he takes it out on everyone around him.  Sometimes, Red can placate him.. but the two brothers don’t always balance each other out.  Edge is actually protective of Red and will throw down on his behalf without a second thought.  

Pffftt, you don’t interest Edge at all!  You’re just a pathetic human!  Someone as weak as you would never be a proper match for someone AS TERRIBLE AND GREAT as him! … But he can’t seem to stop picking at you.  Is it because the others are being so friendly toward you?  Or is it just because you’re interesting?  Or that.. he actually enjoys seeing if he can rile you up?  UGH!  It’s not like he likes you or anything!

Relationship?  Are you joking?!  Someone once suggested that ol’ Edgy get laid to relieve some of that stress, but THAT’S FOOLISH!  EDGE RELIEVES HIS STRESS BY YELLING.  CONSTANTLY.  AT EVERYONE. HE ONCE EVEN YELLED AT SOME TREES.  YES, THIS IS THE ONLY WAY TO PROPERLY RELIEVE STRESS, YOU FOOLS!

SF!Sans:

Blackberry is beyond difficult to handle.  Not only is he completely egotistical, but he’s pretty much down-right evil.  Okay, maybe not that far, but close.  The little skelebro has no qualms about torture or underhanded tactics in a fight (or if he’s just not getting his way), and his orders his brother around like he’s his personal slave.  He’s ruthless and cunning, but also.. kinda adorable in a weird “Blueberry’s evil twin” way?   Treat him like a child and die; he demands respect.  

His brother coerced a few monsters into going on dates with Blackberry, but they didn’t end well and it’s best not to ask what happened if you value your life.

SF!Papyrus:

Fell pretty much serves his brother, and despite their height difference, he’s actually a bit afraid of his wrath.  He smokes heavily and is perceptive as Stretch, but without the morals.  He’s a silver-tongued pervert, and although he loves puns and dark humor, his brother hates them, so he’ll never joke around in front of Blackberry.  A great deal of Blackberry’s ego inflation is due to Fell’s string of compliments, but despite the master/servant outward appearance of their relationship, Fell is compliant strictly because he cares about his brother.

Like the others, he’s never had an actual relationship, but this skelebro has seen more action than all of them combined.  

[depresseddirectorsdiary-blog]

A Series of Unfortunate Events Netflix (The Reptile Room)

Might contain spoilers.

First off I’m pleased to say that the children’s acting as revised in the first episode was merely a first impression. Word here that means, I was under the impression it hadn’t much depth to it and fortunately I was mistaken. For this time around they clench much more on emotion and act as what they would initially should have. But likewise I’ve have already thought unfair to critic them on the first appearance. I’m pleased to see things are evolving.

It is also interesting how it was decided to show Count Olaf’s and Mr. Poe point of view in the story in this episode. Initially I wasn’t sure it would work but as it went by I got quite a taste for it. Different from the first book ‘The Reptile Room’, ironic enough, doesn’t leave enough room for the Baudelaire actions. Although it’s longer in page and word count there’s less dialogue and action happening simultaneously, and much of their action isn’t as heated as it is in the first one. In a matter of fact most of it is repetition(Which we know Lemony loves to do.) that if show on screen could have (could) bored the audience a bit. Therefore the many changes in plot leading in this one. I almost feel as if this series is turning up as a continuation for the books, it’s uniting what we already know from ‘A Series of Unfortunate Events.’ and mixing it up with Lemony Snicket’s other books that are set in the same world,plus setting for more development of characters we otherwise would have dismissed  or have no knowledge of, without leading us away from the main story.

Uncle Monty was also a surprise in this one. I thought they would settle him for the same way they have developed Justice Strauss or Mr. Poe. Which it would have make sense,but he is quite clever(Which is a bit confusing btw,he was more dull than Strauss in the books and a lot more pompous.) and that…well has distracted me. It does make sense for him to be clever since he’s part of VFD,however as we go along through the series we tend to discover that the kids always seem to be way smarter than the adults,almost nobody seems to really understand or guess what is going on except for Klaus,Violet and Sunny. I can in fact count in my hand how many grown ups give them essential information and actually DO help them unravel their mysteries. So did I enjoy Uncle Monty? Yes,I did. Aasif Mandvi gave him a light I’ve not thought about or seen before in this character,and although his appearance is brief my heart felt legitimate heavy when he was gone. But it doesn’t make sense to turn him into the clever one since you already made Strauss so apathetic to the situation,it doesn’t link. If they would have made both half-clever I’d refrain myself from saying it so, but to be quite fair Snicket always goes back and fourth with his characters development and traits throughout the books. Once it might seem they can solve every riddle,the next they’re hanging with their mouth open as if they have never faced a situation like that in their lives. Much to say,I think it’s actually Lemony’s fault for dismounting his characters so much but none the less,I’m not here to criticise the books.

I will keep up with my unfortunate reviews,and if you’re enjoying them thus far I welcome you to next time, “The  Wide Window”

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

Tell me a story about Swollen Potato Man.

For about a century now, Smaulgostal's world has been dominated by herpetologists, who study reptiles and amphibians. Most of them are like herpetologists Jenny, who never gets out of the house except to buy groceries, except that they do not have the kind of dry sense of humor that would make her think, "Oh my God, a metamorphosed snake! It must be one of her many pies!" And hermeticism, Jenny believes, is real. She is on the edge of her bed, which is a pine table with an armature of what looks like tree-trunks lying against it. Around the armature are her bookshelves, which are full of scientific papers about the sorts of snakes that are possible.

Jenny is tired, and typing this on her computer. The internet is complicated, she says, as she gets out her laptop. She is tired because she has been out looking for things to download for like an hour. She is tired because she is about to go home, which is where the Internet takes her, and her attempts to find another way to the Net have failed. She has been doing this for an hour and a half now, which is two and a half years for those of you who don't work in IT. She needs to go to sleep. But she has things to do, things like changing her iphone's password and downloading on her laptop the software for her iphone, which she has never used because no one in her life has ever needed it, because she only uses her iphone to keep track of the homepages of the websites she has never looked at. She gets up, and goes downstairs.

I don't know why I'm bothering to tell you this story. Jenny is tired, and the things she does are boring and the Internet is complicated and she should be sleeping. But she's always sleepy, and it's almost 8, and she can't sleep anymore, not after all of her sleepless nights on this couch in her parents' living room, staring into space. So she just has to get through this day.

As she gets ready to go to bed, however, she gets a notification. It's from Steve, because he was talking to the metamour, and she got concerned because he hadn't been in touch for a long time.

She reads the notification. It says that the metamour just called, and that she wants to talk to her.

Jenny is not in the best shape of her life. She is a lesbian, and has been one for most of her adult life. She used to live in the Bay Area, before she had to leave because of her sexual orientation. She used to be in a relationship with her partner of three years, and now she is not, because of her sexual orientation. She has been depressed her entire life, but she has managed to keep those feelings at bay, by her sexuality. When people come up to her and tell her she is wrong about her sexual orientation, she takes it in stride. She does not discuss her sexuality with most of her family, because she knows that will make them think she is doing something wrong, or at least "weird." This will make it harder to keep her identity under wraps.

It is hard for her to keep her identity under wraps. Her family is not big on the whole LGB thing. There is one uncle, who was a big supporter of gay rights in the 80s, who is now an apathetic flyover country liberal. There is one aunt, who although not overtly homophobic, is very traditional and does not approve of what her kids call her. One of her aunts and one of her uncles are evangelical Christians. One of her aunts is sort of an enabler because she will not disapprove of her niece's sex life, but still disapproves of her occasional interest in pseudoscience and religion. One of her cousins is a Jew who is very pro-Israel. She is a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons).

She is also a furry, though she has been reluctant to admit it. When she was a kid, she thought it was weird, but she thought it was a weird kid thing, like Star Trek and superheroes. She still gets those flashbacks every now and then. For all she knows, Steve is a furry too, and just doesn't know it. She is uncomfortable with the furries, she doesn't understand what they have to do with her life.

Steve has been coming into her room more and more lately. He is wearing a t-shirt with a picture of a guy with a rainbow-colored quiver and the words "every situation a bow". He is also wearing jeans. Jenny has no idea why he thinks this is a good idea. He is sleeping on her bed, which has a pretty big bed, because she likes to sleep on her big bed.

She is trying to fall asleep, but her eyes keep wandering to the screen of her laptop. She clicks on her Facebook page, and reads her messages.

She has been thinking about her relationship with Steve. She has been thinking a lot about how to explain to her friends the reason why she has stopped talking to him. She thinks she knows what it is like to be in a relationship with someone who knows about the reasons for your absence. She has thought about what it was like to be in a relationship with Steve, before he came out to her. It was like being in love. It was like knowing Steve. He knows things about her that she does not know. She has thought about what she would tell her friends if she were to tell them the truth about her relationship with Steve. She would say that they were a couple, that they are in a relationship, but she does not know if she is telling the truth, and Steve does not know. She would not want to lie to her friends, but she would not want to tell the truth either.

She reads her messages again. She is not sure what to say.

After a few minutes of browsing Facebook, she gets up from her bed, and heads to the kitchen. She takes a large sip of her coffee, and notices that the room is still mostly dark. She heads to the window, and peers outside.

There is a sudden noise, as of someone running very fast along the street. Jenny looks out the window, and sees a man running toward her, a large piece of metal in his hand.

The man is a rabbit.

He is looking at her through one of the front windows of the convenience store. The display window is smashed, and the front door is open. The man is pointing something at her.

Jenny backs up quickly. She drops her pack, and turns to run to the safety of her house. She hides under a car, and tries to call for help.

Outside, the man continues to look at her. She wonders what he is looking at. A phone? A weapon? What could he want with her?

Inside the convenience store, someone she does not know is pounding on the door. The clerk yells something at them, and someone rushes in.

Outside, the rabbit is running back and forth through the front door. The door is ajar.

Outside, the rabbit starts to pant.

Jenny hears a voice in her head, saying things like:

You can't hide from me

You're going to

Die, you fucking rabbit

You're going to die

It yells these words in her head.

The rabbit is panting, and panting like he is on the verge of some kind of physical burst. He has stumbled and fallen on his face, and is looking up at the sky.

A voice speaks in her head. It is sort of reassuring. "Rabbit. You can do it. I know you can. Don't you trust me? Don't you think I know what I'm doing?"

The rabbit panting on the ground

[hgfstreamchats]

El Arca

Hello! Hello there! paused Castlevania for christian lion sex Castlevania would understand. but they just found the giant demon that I very much wish to smooch!!! Is the sound functioning? tis! Excellent! Oh, there we go Sound seems okay Well, in that case, I won't delay! Onto the lions we go. It was being... "funny" he wants a cursed kids show he should go watch donkey ollie agin Deleting my messages and so on OH NO NOAHS ARK Ahh, I see you're ahead of the game! I'm deeply suspicious already. did Saberspark ever upload his edited version that includes *all* the jokes You'll love it, night human. It's got lovingly rendered animal excrement. No, but this is the uncut version. oh good Jesus it does not help that they have regular human hands youre gonna see chicken strips, night When you say "chicken strips"... do you mean that a chicken strips? you'll see mr.... noseybonk.... jesus fucking christ And fire. Uh.... yeaah that's about normal for discord servers As you can see, we're off to a great start. prostitutes thinkin he's Zeus

Ha! HAH! I really dont wanna see that one dude's teeth like that again This seems.  Familiar but not too familiar.... Oh man you are NOT gonna like what happens to those trees when they get soaked in seawater. the children are brats she's dumping him lmao Good for her! This is perverse. "are you... the devil" It really is. Especially your grandparents' trees. -calmly- "that's enough :)" And all those slaves you went into debt to free. I mean hey, at least the debt will be gone too! "what do you mean, the fuck do I know about boatbuilding" That's something! "well then. we're all going to die!" "Oh, finally!" "haha, we're all going to die" Oh. Well, that answers that. this is.... surprisingly well done "No more, no less. I want lots of sickly, genetically doomed animals in this new world." Is this some kind of... antisemitic caricature Probably. "kind of making me feel inadequate" chicken strips! Still less self-centered and malevolent than Primus. Pffff Okay, so, chickens don't have... mammaries.  So is this some kind of weird roleplaying thing? Are the chickens furries?? He's summoned as many animals as he knows how to spell. Sorry, Xoloitzcuintli. this movine needs to slow the fuck down oh my god official favorite character I like how he spent valuable time illustrating each one. "I am SO going to this sex resort" She looks awfully happy for someone who just learned everyone she knows is going to die in a flood And the parents look awfully happy for people who just learned THEY'RE going to die in a flood they're going to spend the end times fragging I would. ...And did, come to think of it. Ayyyy. Her? Ahhh, a liar. I like him! I love her They're one another's beards for the sake of surviving the flood. And that's wonderful. True. Who made that chair. some of these animals are super uggo Wait, did both of those kangaroos have pouches? Hang on, were those--yeah, that They do! lesbians I support them The orangutans weren't the only ones to beat the system. Maybe they're pregnant That'd explain how come there's still kangaroos Ironically, if they got pregnant by different parents, they'd be the most genetically diverse species in the world. *partners Yes, exactly! "what was that last one 8)" ...Want to know a fun fact about kangaroos :) that they have multiple vaginas? ...Yes. that still fucks me up Their genitals are positioned in reverse? Oh, that. All this out of a patch of trees? They are PROUD of that model Y'know, you'd think that a LOT of other people would have survived.  There was more than one boat in the world at the time this is set Okay so what ARE the carnivores going to eat idk why they call her fat. she's got an ass that just don't quit and I think that lion;s a fool for choosing some other lioness But the other one has tiddies.  Lion tiddies. And a clever mouth, apparently. Where's the pig's partner? he is a bi disaster The male lion, I mean he is He'd be dead after that. But what ARE the predators going to eat There was a single, doddering old lion in the group. Maybe they're going to divide him up? Write up her report. "Write up my report" = "Legitimately weighing my choices between mating with you or a watery death." Harsh but fair. Ahhh, Perfect Storm-ing it. Well well well. "See, I'd rather room with that tiger" Hello! Hello! Hello, sorry I'm late--is this that weirdo Noah's Ark furry disaster?! It is! It IS Damn "hey do you guys hear music" ....Carrion. *Dear Unicron, are they feeding on the drowned corpses of the dead?* .... oh hey it's the vampires' plan from castlevania Oh hey, that's a possibility They bob right by and they just scoop them up. It makes as much sense as anything else Although, after forty days... reptile room Heheheheh those snakes just wanted to mlem!!!! hahahah "woah that is NOT the letter I got" okay well that explains how the carnivores arre geting fed FEESH Oh right I guess the carnivores are eating fish Fish aren't people! Considering they haven't broken out into an orgy, I'd say they're showing surprising restraint. a least he feels bad about it She has lipstick THATS THE SECOND TIME They... both have pouches. The good ship Bad Decisions in action The kangaroos got away with it. thats way more than two chickens though I guess to be fair eggs are necessary "THEN we can eat them" FISH AND EGGS YOU DUMB LASS this dude has the right idea What...w as that what is ANY of this Who even knows? Where's your *one* female? I like that he's buds with the pig trying to think of what a panlion would look like given ligers and tigons exist she's giving u the key to her vag I wonder where the male panther is https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/3/39/Leopon01.jpg Found some. oh cute! Huh. In this scene: shadows are rendered. I'm sorry is her name "panty" Panthy, I think, but that's still BAD How charming and necessary. Wow, what a necessary scene those jerks should be thankful the raccoons helped them out All that craftsmanship and you couldn't rig the piles and piles of excrement to dump neatly into the water? nah that'd be too easy Ease of cleanup and sticking it to your god at the same time. Bah I bet he's not even dead that's three Oh no, they kicked the ladder down.  How will he ever get out now he pinched a tiger's rear Does it even matter who steers, I mean none of them know where they're going "quick, smear this blood on your tits" lock him in the slammer oh so that's why it matters whether they can steer Where's he going to pause or rest? ... this is the worst haka I've ever seen doc I'm begging you to look up real hakas after this film to cleanse my eyes Will do. hahahah That was dark. "surrender, we can have a threesome" how convenient Already so many rabbits Monarchy or cannibalism.  The only two choices. "You're here even though you got to this point in your life without knowing fire does that!" "did that lion just look at me?" holy shit lmao It gets caught in a southwesterly breeze and the ship goes up in flames. hukkhhkhkjhjk well the polar bears will be fine! Right? well I guess it woulkdnt be a south american made film without a huge party at the end Uh They're.  Making her cage dance? I don't think they're making her do a thing LOL ALSO I'M SORRY WERE THE DONKEY AND DEER DOING IT IN THE CONGA LINE They've told her multiple times she's free to leave that cage. that was Well, then! look at that dummy thick jaguar That sure did happen That WAS. Let us be thankful it is over That certainly was a thing that happened. now for a much needed reprieve Peel off the tracksuits. I've seen some vids of the womens soccer team from NZ doing hakas and it's absolutely great Much better than the orangutan doing it. for sure Oh, good, she's sixteen Yikes Ewwwwwww I will be honest I thought this was going to be an LP a Planet Coaster thing It's exactly that, but you know...real. God "due to tax state regulation" ...oh, I bet that was LAX state regulation He's clearly someone who has any business demanding "the prettiest girl." [wasted] The advice in question" "Don't" Right? "We are smarter than everyone and that's why we're building the MURDERCOASTER" That one got to live. that kid's smart Apathetic Child is the smartest one in the video. Well that's not good jesus christ is that blood It is. They certainly did show those idiot mathematicians, physicists, and engineers. JESUS CHRIST Jesus Questions about the inspection process. Something special. "We all have something special to hold onto." Like a severed head. christ I'm gonna bump out for now. take caare all! Goodnight! Good night! Wait, did we watch the roller coaster one? I know I've seen THIS one... hmmmm Oh!  With the giant hole! The giant body trench? Yes! Glorious! In that case, I'm all out of light notes to end on. Suggestions? SNL What's That Name? We could just browse this channel a little bit and look for one we haven't seen! All the ones I've seen have been... fun. This, then we'll browse the channel. I'm for it. God Hahhahaha Ohhh boy Finish that thought God They all look good tbh. True, true. Fire.  I like it. Now I'm slightly nostalgic for Interface on Wheels. Do tell! Ohhhh I've forgotten everything about the game save that my city was called that. Just imagine driving through this place I will not. Well then. Drive into the Void. Hey, it makes sense, you can bet on the games. I'm curious to see how the fire's going to happen. I mean, they seem to be happening on their own just fine Lovely. Oh no!  The orphanage! It's Little Lamplight! Hey, I'm up for another if you are. same! Excellent! THIS is the one. Ha! Dear lord. It lives there now. This is like bizarro Ratatouille It's majestic. How else will the customers get their daily dose of broken glass? So ungrateful \o/ Yes.  Yessss. One more? Sure! Yes. And why wouldn't it be. I like how carefully they rendered the butt. Priorities. VERISIMILITUDE I've known medbay Eradicons that would if they could. Amazing. Oh Boy As a doctor, I can verify every single thing about this. I love it. I love their walk animations.  It's like they're on roller skates. It does! or those wheelieshoes Heelies! yes! those. 24/7 Are those bloodstains Oh yes. Uh oh! I like the blow dryer next to her bed. Amazing. The only note worth ending on, something terrible happening to Grace. You might even call it... a Grace note. ;) Terrible. Shame on you. I love it. It's what I'm here for! It is, in fact, your saving grace HAH! :D Although, frankly, I don't think ANYONE'S saving Grace. She had her chance to run. She sure did. Well--thanks for the stream!  It's been a great time, as usual. :) Thank YOU for gracing me with your presence! Ha! Good night! good night! Good night!

[agreementtale]

Chapter 10: Knock Knock

“So no one dusted you yet” she said before he could even knock.

“getting worried ‘bout me, old gal?” he teased, letting himself fall on his usual spot at the door.

A sarcastic laugh echoed from inside, he didn’t know much about acoustics, but he would bet it sounded like a big room, with long halls “Just wondering how no monster caught someone with such a predicable routine”

“believe me or not I'm really hard to track…. and that's not the only thing that's hard ‘bout me” said in a mocking tone.

“You are late, punctually 40 minutes late. I would think about rescheduling our meetings if i didn't knew that you would show up 40 minutes late anyway”

“so I’ve been bad” he adjusted his thick coat, closing it to better protect his ribs “ya want to punish me?” teased again, hearing the expected laughter.

“Oh you would certainly wish so” He thanked the stars for her mood today.

“I know ya LOVE me~” he purred, her laugh through the door always made him less miserable, she was the one person he knew wouldn't kill him... mostly because she was locked behind a magic sealed door, the fact that she was lonely enough to like his jokes was a huge bonus “ya were dying to hear my sexy voice”

“How pretentious!” She said with mock offense, thinking about it, not just today… she was on an incredible good mood lately “I was just here, sitting by myself killing time~”

“sounds like a party, what else yer killing lately?” She shifted through a constant set of moods weekly, between happy, sad, murderous, and apathetic, then back again to happy. This happy strike was taking two months, he was almost fearing the sad drawback and how it would affect the reclusive monster.

“Not much, I've been keeping myself busy most of the time” well that was unexpected.

“yer building new puzzles or some shit like that?” She had talked extensively that there was nothing to do in the Ruins except the puzzles that she maintained them as a part of monster forgotten culture and history.

She laughed warmly, last time he heard that laugh he was telling her about the first time little Papyrus used healing magic “Well you might say there is something puzzling about them”

“welp, whatever 'they' are it's working for ya” he thought about telling her she sounded happy, and mentally kicked himself for it, door or not, showing weakness was still showing weakness “haven't sound batshit crazy for a while”

“Aaarrrg” she hissed, didn't sound like the usual reptile monster, too much throat, too little forked tongue, he would have to cross that from the list “you insult me” the sound came from a place a little higher this time, and there was shuffling around her, shit, she had gotten up, he just wanted to nitpick, not to actually spoil her mood.

“h-hey come on, old gal, ya know yer one of the few sane people down this hole, huh?” She stopped moving with his pleading lie, sane was the wrong word, but talking to her was easily the safest moment of his day, she couldn't kill him and would always tell when someone else was approaching the door “just, just stay a little longer, just, just throw me a bone here, will ya?” Safety was not something he was willing to mess with.

“Well” to his relief she didn't sound angry, she was amused “since someone is so desperate to spill his guts out, I could stay for a little longer” she hated the word crazy, wasn't she even a little mad at him? “What is new out there?”

“look like I dig my grave back here huh?” He hated to sound desperate “I’m just curious, it’s all”

“I do hope you are not a cat monster then”

“wha–/” they never spoke about what kind of monsters they were, not that he wasn’t curious, but deep down he was glad she never asked “why?” Didn't she want–/

“Because curiosity killed it“

...

“fuck”

He held himself not to laugh too much, but failed.

“I walked right into this one”

“Indeed” her voice was warm and inviting, thank the stars he hadn't messed up.

He clutched his nearly healed ribs, each laugh sending a shot of pain to his spine, still worth it, he needed this laugh.

“But seriously, do tell”

“well snowdin is still a shithole, the dogs keep giving Boss a hard time” and making him angrier every day “Grillby's still good tho, best burgers, great drinks, free mustard”

“And what is bothering you, my friend?” For someone going only by his voice, she was almost as perceptive as he was.

He leaned his head on the door, closing his eyes, clinging to her last word “ya know me” his bones protested the new position, he could still feel the hard punches breaking his ribcage and the hateful stare “nothing gets under my skin” he shouldn't have overslept again, he knew Boss would get mad, he was asking for it at this point. “what about ya? nothing to share? the new found key to happiness?”

She was silent for a long moment, he was almost worried that she had caught on something else on his voice, but quickly dismissed it, he had kept his usual smile on place, no one could tell that something was wrong when he managed to keep his smile.

“They happened” she said almost apologetically “I am keeping them on the Ruins, they are safe here” well now it sounded less like a puzzle and more like an actual monster.

“who's the lucky fella?”

“A child” she confirmed his suspicion.

“a child, huh?” it made sense for her being happy, monster children were so rare these days, the last one he heard of was born 20 years ago, didn't developed right, still a small toddler to this day, not that he from all people, could say something about it.

“Well... two children, as far as I can tell…” he could hear the smile on her voice “one keeps hiding from me, but still stay near every time he thinks I'm not looking, and the older one is so sweet, they insist in saying they are siblings, and calling the smaller their brother” she laughs “he always scoffs at them, but I believe the feeling is mutual”

“heh, seems like ya got yerself a new family”

“Do you think so?” She sounded hopeful, more than he had ever heard her “Do you think I...” And she started laughing, but as it progressed it shifted from the warm tone to a more darker one “they… called me mother” the following hiccup sounded awfully like a sob “mother”.

He hadn't heard her cry in a long, long time “hey, don't let the runts get to ya” he didn't knew what to do, an open show of emotions like this was not something normal people did, but he sure as hell wanted to do something for her “ya don't have to go on adopting every–/”

“But I want to!” She wailed, shit, what did he do this time? “Is… the thing I… most want in *sob* in this world… to be *sob* called mother again”

He tried to say something, but he didn't know what, unwilling to say something to upset her even more, he just let her cry. Stars, she sounded as bad as when she guilt tripped him to make that promise… not that she knew she was guilt tripping him… There was no way she figured he was the one that handed the green soul to Asgore.

“I just… I can't lose any more children” shit… “how could I lose them?!” Shit, shit, what does he say?

“ya ain't gonna lose anyone” it's a blatant fake generic lie, but it made the crying noise pause “yer the strongest monster down there, right?” he tried to make his voice sound gentle.

If she wasn't strong, she wouldn't be able to sense the presence of people approaching, not from the other side of a magical door. There was a quiet murmur in response, he considered it an affirmative.

“i bet ya can scare anyone from messing with them” he knew she could, on her murderous days she could be terrifying, a dark aura screaming LV.

“I… I could…” she said “but I… I don’t think it’s necessary...” Why? Wasn't she scared of them getting killed a second ago? The mood shifts were not usually that quick “They… they befriended everyone”

…

“what?”

A small laugh just deepened his confusion.

“what do ya mean they befriended…”

“They” she was catching her breath “they made friends, with every monster on the Ruins” every strong monster he thought, everyone that mattered “from the weakest Whimsun to… well… me”

“how?” The surprise was evident, there was no way, the Ruins couldn't be all that friendlier than the rest of the Underground, it was impossible.

“Well” she said happiness surging again on her voice, a little bit of pride too “They are very determined“

He froze.

DT didn't sit well with monsters, he knew that.

She didn't know he knew that.

Hell! Most monsters couldn't even name the seven major soul traits, so as far as she knew he couldn't either…

And the only other time he heard her crying was when he told her the king had gathered another soul… another human soul…

“fuck”

He quickly covered his mouth, as if it would take the words away… it was only a whisper… maybe she hadn't heard him… she couldn’t know he knew.

“good thing they are” he managed to keep his voice even “sounds like a real sweetheart this one…” he had to make a joke to fake normality “having to worry about fights would be a major buzzkill for ‘em”

“Ha, ha, ha, indeed! They are just too sweet for this world”

“heh… a… a little angel right?”

She hesitated.

He cursed himself, of course that she would know of the prophecy, she was old, old monsters loved those things

“Yes” seem to be thinking, but not cautious, had caught the meaning, but not the joke, if he could guess “They are my little angel” said nostalgic “and I will smite anyone who try take them from me” this wasn't her murderous tone, wasn't a threat either, didn't even have killing intent behind it... it was just a fact.

“I'm sure ya will keep ‘em safe old gal” he didn't want to act on that promise… it was treason… who knows who he would have to dust to keep a surface spawn safe... his brother could have serious problems if the word got out “really safe on yer cozy house”

“I will!” She sounded so proud it pained him “I already have most of the books necessary for their education and I’m teaching them to cook and sew as well”

“good, good” he got up, he needed air “I have to go old gal, keep babying the little runts, will ya”

“I certainly will”

He walked away, another human was not what he was expecting, not for another decade

“And friend”

He stopped, anxiety clawing its way into his ribcage.

“Thank you”.

She knew.

He couldn't take it, teleported to Grillby's. It was still the middle of his shift, he grabbed his ribs on reflex of the phantom pain, Boss would be pissed, but he really needed a drink.

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