#like the way she purposely cracks her voice in some of her songs to add the emotion KILLS ME
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rosicheeks · 2 years ago
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Mueller gets a lot of hype, but I don’t think she gets enough tbh. Her control, her choices, the raw power she keeps just perfectly restrained. She’s awesome
Omg do you wanna be best friends?????????????
#like this is an actual question#I need someone to talk to about musical theater and live performances#ok ok my dear Jessie mueller is INSANE#ngl shoshana bean will forever be my favorite#I’m 99.9% sure she was the star in the show on broadway for a little bit#but I think Jessie just does such a good way of becoming the character#like whenever someone else sings those songs I’m always like oh it’s a cover cause it’s not Jessie songing#*singing#ALSO#I would like to take a moment to appreciate her CRACKS#like the way she purposely cracks her voice in some of her songs to add the emotion KILLS ME#I don’t think Jessie mueller gets enough hype tbh#or any broadway stars for that matter#I don’t give a fuck about Taylor swift or any of those people#I want to hear more about Jessie mueller and Cynthia erivo and shoshana bean#THOSE are talented fuckers#they have the chops#but they also know how to tell a story through singing#and I think that’s true talent#anyone can sing a song and make it sound pretty#but only a few people can sing a song and make you FEEL every single word they say#and broadway stars are perfect examples#I want to be on broadway 😭#I have so much to say about this still#but I’m going to shut up cause my thoughts are getting all jumbled#but seriously if you want to talk to me about live performances and musicals and operas slide in my DMs pls pls pls#I need to send all of my favorite live performances to someone#and freak the fuck out with them whenever the performer does something that blows my mind#ask#anon
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boysplanetrecaps · 10 months ago
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Ep 4 Wrap Up
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Hello, lovies! Welcome back to the Great Produce48 Recap Rewatch-a-ma-whoozit! In the previous post, we covered the Very Very teams. In this post, I’ll be wrapping up episode 4 and giving you some general thoughts about the challenge mission in the form of my first annual BRAPPY Awards! Let’s do it!
Seungki gathers the girls together now that the audience has left, in order to give them the results of the on-site vote. Seungki quizzes a few girls is the audience at quasi-random to re-establish the rules -- that 58th is the cut off point, and that if you don’t make it within that range, “you can’t practice here anymore.” I think that’s a comparatively kind way to put it.
This is basically a pointless exercise that they’re going through right now, though. They rank the girls solely by their voting for tonight, including the 1000 point benefit. There is literally no point to it, since this ranking has no impact on the rest of their life, except their pride. We find out that poor AleXa came in dead last, with flat-tummied Hwang Soyeon just above her. 
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AleXa takes it pretty well -- she knew how low she scored, so she was ready for this.
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Poor Soyeon. She’s so good, and I think she’s pretty. I don’t get it. 
Lee Chaeyeon voice overs, “The Japanese members are celebrities, and Koreans are trainees. So there was a gap.” 
Was there? Let me get out my spreadsheet. *cracks knuckles* 
Hmm. The Japanese members had an average of 85.3 votes per trainee. The members signed to Korean agencies had an average of 59.0 votes per trainee. The overall average was 69, because there are more Korean members. So yes, there was a huge gap.
The show goes on revealing the "final ranking" from the night, but it's so annoying, since all the votes were based on their immediate competition among those 10-12 girls, so it’s especially meaningless.
Anyway, here’s the top 12 -- just looking at it reminds you that this is dumb, since we know these aren’t the 12 most popular girls on the show.
Trainee /// Song she did /// votes she got
12. Kojima Mako    ///       Short Hair 1       ///       120 11. Murase Sae      ///       Mamma Mia 1    ///       138 11. Kim Hyunah      ///     Mamma Mia 1 /// 138 9. Asai Nanami   ///           Boombayah 2 /// 144 8. Lee Sian           ///         Short Hair 2     ///       148 7. Jo Yuri      ///                 Short Hair 1     ///       152 6. Cho Ahyeong        ///     High Tension 2 /// 160 5. Miyawaki Sakura   ///     Very Very 2          ///   164 4. Goto Moe      ///         Like Ooh Ahh 1 /// 172 3. Huh Yunjin      ///       High Tension 2 /// 188 2. Ko Yujin        ///     Boombayah 1        ///     198 1. Yabuki Nako /// Love Whisper 2 /// 330
Fun fact: Only three of these girls make it into IZ*one, and, extra fun (or not fun at all?), one of these 12 girls gets eliminated in the very next episode! 
This is so dumb.
Seungki interviews Nako about her overwhelming victory, and she says she still can’t believe it. (You can see that she has a small earpiece in her ear for translation purposes.)
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It’s almost as if she was really good and also was in a matchup with mostly weaker members….? Hilariously, she says “I’ll try my best to be in a higher rank next time.” Nako? Sweetie? You were in first place. I think it’s ok to not strive to do even better than that. Cutely, she adds a Korean “thank you!” at the end. 
Then the show does a dumb thing where it adds the 1000 vote benefit into the votes to see how things change in the ranking, and it’s pointless AF. Seungki reminds them that the first ranking announcement will be next week, and that's when they'll "release" about a third of the girls.
Ok, so that’s the end of episode 4. 
Time for my general thoughts on the challenge mission!
My main thought is: None of the performances were actually horrifically bad. Even Hellbayah was watchable in its own way. Vocally, nearly everyone sounded notably better than they even had before, making me wonder if there was some processing being done to the vocals for everyone. Dance-wise, the camera hid a lot of the choreo, so it's impossible to know. In the end, I had to base a lot of my differential off of stage presence, which is tough since it's so subjective.
I think that so much of it was decided the moment that certain teams were formed and certain teams got certain songs. Having Nako sing Love Whisper? Match made in heaven. Putting Chiba Erii in Boombayah? Match made in hell.
I wish I had the energy to go through and look at each group and think, which song should this group of 5-6 girls have done? But alas, I do not. I welcome your thoughts, if you have them!
The First Annual BRAPPIES 
And now, for the first Brappies, the award that BPR-Unnie gives out starting now, after each challenge mission. Be aware that as I type this, I’ve had a headache for about two weeks and it’s making me just a tiny bit cranky. Ok, here goes!
Group who the stylist unnies hated the most:
I give this to Peekaboo 2. 
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Ugh, those translucent control top thigh highs!
Group who it just looks like they forgot to put on pants:
Obviously, Short Hair (both teams)
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I'm unlikely to use this category again, but it had to be said.
Group that cried the most:
I’m tempted to say it’s a 15-way tie between most of them, but I have to give it to Love Whisper 1, whose leader, Eunchae, actually cried during the ending fairy.
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Group that seemed to have the most fun:
Very Very, Red team.
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Most deserved win:
Love Whisper 2.
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I’m giving it to them since, other than the Boombayah teams, there was no other match up where the winner felt quite so obvious to me.  
Least deserved win:
Hellbayah. Obviously.
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It’s infuriating that this performance won. 
Best leader:
From what we could see, that goes to Haeyoon (Cherry Bullet) from Like Ooh Ah, who not only mothered her own team, but also had time to mother the other team, who had the worst leader (Park Seoyoung). She also is apparently fluent in Japanese. 
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Honorable mention: Miyu from High Tension, who was smart enough to know that they should have Huh Yunjin as their center, and did a great job as main vocal, to boot.
Worst leader:
I have to give this to Park Seoyoung. She didn't seem to take the time constraints seriously enough, so didn't push her team appropriately. She also didn't seem that great at teaching the dancing, which is one of the things a leader should either be able to do, or be able to delegate well. She should have made little Haeun the dance captain and gone from there, to avoid a feeling of a power struggle. She seems like a really sweet girl, actually, and as I've said before, AleXa is friends with her to this day and that says a lot. But she just isn't really cut out to be leader.
Most put-upon leader:
Han Chowon from Hellbayah. She obviously did an extraordinary job considering her situation. 
Biggest discovery: 
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Yoon Haesol, main vocal of High Tension 1. I’d been completely unaware of her up until this point. Her audition, Question Mark, wasn’t aired -- all we saw of her was starting her audition in the wrong key and needing to start over.  All I had said about her audition was that she did pretty well, but this performance really impressed me. So, good for you, Haesol. 
Trainee who “won” the night
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Huh Yunjin.
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I say she won the night because before this episode, she wasn’t really seen as a front runner, and afterward, she really was. There are events to come that will drag her down a bit, but I think she earned her spot on Le Sserafim with this performance. She definitely won my heart the first time I was watching. So, congrats, Jennifer! You killed it. But you know that, right? 
Trainee who “lost” the night:
In some ways, this award should go to just about anyone who the edit ignored completely despite them doing good stuff, like fantastic singer and leader Miyu from the winning High Tension group, or any of the innumerable other trainees with no stage time. But I have to give this award to Jang Gyuri.
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She had her tiny tiny vocal mistake built up to over the course of two episodes and then replayed thirteen fucking times. Meanwhile if you watch her fancam, you might actually gain some respect for her lovely vocal color. 
So, that’s a wrap for right now.  I’m going to check out Build Up for a bit and we’ll see how that goes, and I’ll finish these recaps when the time is right. See you soon! 
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hamueltobin · 4 years ago
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behold! i didn't see any otgw icebergs, so i made my own :)
if you think i should add something, lmk!!
Explanations under cut :)
First layer:
▪︎Beast!Wirt au - very popular au in which Wirt stays in the Unknown, possessed by the Beast to some extent.
▪︎Bad End Friends - Crossover AU of Beast!Wirt teaming up with Ice Finn from Adventure Time and Bipper from Gravity Falls; sometimes other 'bad end' au characters are thrown in such as a glitched Gumball from TAWOG
▪︎Irl Copies of the For Sara tape - Limited copies of the For Sara tape were sold at two points. They have yet to sell for a third time. (🤞🤞🤞)
▪︎Tome of the Unknown (pilot) - The Pilot of the series. Can be watched on YouTube.
▪︎Wirt Staying in the Unknown - In a scrapped ending, Wirt was to stay in the Unknown, saying that facing your real problems was scarier than staying there.
▪︎Mystery Kids - Crossover AU with other child-late teens aged characters from sources based on mysterious and supernatural themes such as Gravity Falls and Psychonauts.
▪︎Quincy Endicott's grave - Quincy's grave can be seen in the graveyard that Sara and the others are hanging out in.
▪︎Original Beatrice Voice Actress - Beatrice had a different VA in the pilot, Natasha Leggero. Melanie Lynskey voices her in the actual series.
▪︎The Woodsman's Daughter is Named Anna - The comics have several issues focused on his daughter, in which her name is revealed to be Anna.
▪︎Jason Funderburker's Ax Murderer Story - At the gathering in the graveyard, Funderburker is telling a story about a man with an ax; this story is believed to have influenced the existence of the Woodsman.
▪︎Full Versions of Songs in the OST - A handful of the songs are cut down for their appearances in the series and can only be heard in full on the OST. The most notable example is Old Black Train , which is actually 2 minutes and 15 seconds long, but is only in the series for about 15-20 seconds.
Second Layer:
▪︎Sara is named after the Fleetwood Mac song - Listen to it here :) it is notable that it includes lyrics about "drowning in a sea of love" and that Sara is "the poet of [the singer's] heart."
▪︎OTGW Reanimated - a reanimated project for the first episode. Got taken off of YouTube, but can be viewed on Dailymotion.
▪︎Baby Wirt Audio - In the For Sara cassette, there is a small section of audio that can be heard in about the middle of the recording of Wirt's father talking to him as a baby.
▪︎Funderburker/Funderberker - The two Jasons's surnames are spelled slightly differently to avoid confusion.
▪︎The Brothers Never Ate or Needed to Rest - Although Greg expressed being hungry, neither of the boys actually ate anything (outside of one spoonful of bland potatoes and inedible items such as dirt and leaves) and never laid down to rest, only sleeping when night came.
▪︎Book on Interior Design in Wirt's Room - In Wirt's from, a book on interior design can be seen laying on the floor, backing up the knowledge he displayed when analyzing the interconnected mansions.
▪︎Mad Love was Based on a Dream - The plot of Mad Love came from a dream that Pat McHale had about house hunting. In the dream, while exploring one of the houses being shown, he ended up wandering into someone else's home.
▪︎Beatriceoftheday - A blog dedicated to our lord and savior Beatrice, known for its strange shitposts and intense praise of the titular bird girl.
▪︎Wirt is Jealous of Greg's Popularity - Shown in the Circus Friends issue of the comics, Wirt is jealous of Greg's ability to make everyone laugh and have fun. This may factor into his dislike of his brother.
▪︎Greg was Feeding Fred at the Tavern - At first watching, one may be confused as to where all the food Greg was gathering went, why Fred was wearing lipstick and why he was refusing to talk to Beatrice. Shown in a deleted scene, this all explained, as Fred tells Beatrice that he didn't talk to her because Greg was feeding him.
▪︎Elijah Wood Voiced the Crazy Driver - Exactly what is says on the tin, the nutty driver was voiced by Wood.
▪︎Cloud City is Heaven - A popular theory that Cloud City actually represents Heaven.
▪︎Greg is Greg Universe - A headcanon/theory that has mostly died out that Greg is the same Greg in Steven Universe.
▪︎Bee Beatrice - Beatrice was originally cursed to become a bee, but was changed into a bluebird to match better with the seasonal autumn theme.
▪︎Pat McHale Voiced Wirt's Voice Crack - Wirt's voice crack when asking the Beast Are You? was actually done by McHale, not Wood.
▪︎The Other Actors Harassing Elijah Wood When Singing Wirt's Song - In order to make the performance as awkward as possible, the other actors were asked to yell and demand Wirt to sing. This can be heard in the episode.
▪︎Come Wayward Souls Has the Same Melody as O Holy Night - The song shares a cadence with "O Holy Night", and can be sung to its tune.
▪︎Black Turtles Origin/Purpose - No one knows why the black turtles exist, and McHale has said that they're just one of the unexplainable things of the Unknown.
▪︎Anna Never Left the House - In the aforementioned comics, it is shown that Anna had never left the house, living on her own until the Woodsman's return.
▪︎Sailor Suit Greg - Greg originally wore a sailor suit, but was changed later on to his current, Johnny Appleseed inspired outfit .
▪︎Beatrice Missing Being Able to Flip People Off - In the Art Book, Beatrice's introduction states that one of the reasons she hates being a bird is because she no longer has hands to flip people off with.
Third Layer
▪︎Jason Funderberker is Visually Based on a Teen Pat McHale - As seen here, Funderberker was designed after McHale.
▪︎Babes in the Wood is Based on an Old Alice in Wonderland Cartoon - You can view the original 1923 cartoon here! Starts at 4:25.
▪︎Wirt and Sara are Dipper and Mabel's Parents - A popular AU/hc where Dipper and Mabel of Gravity Falls are the future kids of Wirt and Sara.
▪︎The Tune of Wirt's Song is Improvised - In addition to the aforementioned harassment, in a further attempt to make the performance as awkward as possible, Elijah Wood was not given a tune to sing, only the lyrics.
▪︎Wirt's Costume Origin - As said in the art book and on his tumblr, Wirt's cone and cape come from an attempted rock and roll persona from McHale's teen years.
▪︎Greg is Based on Pat McHale's Son - It has been claimed that Greg is based on McHale's son, but Greg existed before him. The similarities are simply coincidental.
▪︎Old Scratch - The original name of the Beast.
▪︎The Beast Killed the Woodsman's Wife - Shown in the comics, The Woodsman's wife was mortally injured, with her attacker implied to be the Beast.
▪︎Wirt and Greg Staying in the Unknown Until Christmas - Another scrapped ending, in which the brothers stay in The Unknown until Christmas, with their absence unexplained.
▪︎Tome of the Unknown (original plot) - Early concepts had the Beast ( then known as Old Scratch as mentioned earlier ) scattering the pages of the titular book for the brothers to collect. Each page would come to life and the brothers would explore each story.
▪︎Dante's Inferno Comparisons - Check out these videos for full analysis!
▪︎Wirt Panty Shots - In the aforementioned Circus Friend comics, Wirt dons a dress as part of a disguise. Later on, he rips off the bottom half off, revealing that he is wearing bloomers.
▪︎The Beast's True Form was Inspired by Trypophobia - As stated in the art book, The Beast's hole-filled appearance was inspired by Trypophobia, the fear of many small holes.
▪︎The Fight is Over is About Drowning - Give the lyrics another read.
▪︎The Beast Last Minute Design Change - The Beast had a very different design, and it was changed into the current one at the last minute.
▪︎Gnome in Cloud City Representing Wirt - Many people believed that the Gnome with the lantern in cloud city was a parallel to Wirt, or a glimpse into his future. However, this was debunked.
▪︎Send Me a Peach - This song is included in the ost, but isn't in the actual series.
▪︎Fred and the Highwayman's Backstory - The comics expand upon the story of Fred the Horse and his involvement with the Highwayman.
Fourth Layer
▪︎Babes in the Wood Title Origin - The name of this episode comes from an old story of a pair of children getting lost in the woods, dying, and being buried in leaves by robins.
▪︎poorlydrawnotgw - This was a blog created during the poorly drawn series meme period. It consisted of poorly drawn and very strange shitposts and has since been deactivated. I was a part of it as mod Goopy Wirt and only have a handful of images saved from it.
▪︎Read and Listen Book Lost Audio - A read and listen book was created, with the book being read by Greg's Frog, who would stop every now and again to talk about being a frog. The pages can be found online, but the audio is currently lost.
▪︎Skinless Witch - A scrapped episode concept involved a skinless witch that kidnapped Greg and rode him like a horse.
▪︎Gentleman Burglar Wirt - A scrapped concept in which Wirt breaks into a woman's home, who is charmed by this young man who has come to visit her.
▪︎Animal Transformation - It was originally planned for Wirt and Greg to be turned into a bear/dog and a duck and remain that way for several episodes. This was later used in the comics.
▪︎The Unknown is influenced by Wirt's mind/interests - The Unknown is influenced by those who walk in it, in this case, Wirt. This includes the old timey mystical nature of it, as Wirt has been stated to have an interest in old folk tales.
▪︎Good Guy Beast/Black Train Scrapped Concept - In an earlier draft, the brothers were on a train, heading to what they assumed was death. They jump off, ending up in the Unknown. The Beast tries to get them back on the train, which turns out to be heading back to life.
▪︎Evil Woodsman - At one point, the Woodsman was intended to be under the influence of the Beast and tried to sabotage the brothers's attempts to return home.
▪︎Lorna Reading the Tome of the Unknown in the Epilogue - In the epilogue, Lorna can be seen reading the titular book from the aforementioned scrapped plot.
▪︎The Beast was Originally the Devil Himself - The Beast was first designed as a devil-like character, the aforementioned Old Scratch.
▪︎The Brothers Never Went Home/The Hospital is Part of The Unknown - a theory based on the fact that the edges of the screen are still blurred at the end of chapter 10, the rushed narration, and the lack of consequences of nearly drowning.
▪︎Beatrice Seeing Wirt Nude - In one of the comics, Beatrice accidentally sees Wirt while he is washing his clothes in the river.
▪︎Sara is a Descendant of Lorna - A theory that Sara is a distant relative of Lorna.
▪︎Exists in the Same Universe as Clarence and Home Movies - The most well known piece of evidence is the overhead shot of the town matching the town that Clarence is set in. Wirt and Greg also have a cameo in another episode, and one of the final episodes shows Brendon Small of Home Movies runs a movie rental store in the town, connecting all three series together.
Final Layer
▪︎Beast x Wirt - Also known as Poetree.
▪︎Candycone - Greg x Wirt.
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novantinuum · 3 years ago
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Hi, I was just wondering if you had ever thought about what would have happened in your story "Hollowed Moon" if you had continued it. I always thought it was such an interesting setup that could have gone in so many different directions. And there really aren't other stories focusing on Stevonnie and Spinel, so it was unique!
Hiya!
So, I do have some half-written, half-plotted out material to share. I gave this story some consideration the other day, and came to the decision that I don't have the desire to finish it out, alas- I have far too many other active WIPs to add it to the list. There's a few good reasons why I discontinued it, anyways... intimidation over the huge surge of attention it was getting back in 2019, some rude comments from overzealous Spinel fans, (I know everyone isn't like this, but a certain segment of the Spinel side of the SU fandom kinda burned me over time, hhh), and a future chapter containing a sensitive topic that I wasn't in a good headspace to write about at the time.
But! Anyways! Below the cut is all the existing material I have for Hollowed Moon past chapter 14, consisting of a mixture of descriptions, sketchy dialogue, and prose. It honestly feels nice to finally be able to put this story to an official rest.
__
Chapter 15
“I... I saw her.”
“Who-?”
“I saw Pink Diamond. I saw you, in this exact garden, in a dream. I- it was like I was experiencing everything through her. She explained your game, tapped your nose and told you to smile, then warped away—“
“That’s it, that’s what happened, almost exactly! But how could you even know that, I never—“
“I don’t know,” they blurt out. “I have empathic abilities, and sometimes that makes dreaming a little weird, but I have no idea how or why I saw any of this.”
[Pause for Stevonnie to think]
“Spinel, I’m so, so sorry,” they whisper brokenly. “But I think... she left you here.”
“What...?”
“She said she’d return, but before she warped away she whispered goodbye, like she didn’t actually intend to make good on that promise. She was lying to you,” they choke out, voice thick.
“No. No,” she says in clear denial, “no she’s not. She can’t be! She told me she’d come back! I can wait! I just have to wait—“
“But she’s not! She... she can’t, because Pink Diamond is gone. She- she was shattered, Spinel. Five thousand years ago, on the Earth. I- I should’ve told you this from the beginning, and I didn’t, and I- I’m so, so sorry—! But she left you behind, and now she’s never coming back.”
[Silence. Tears brim in Spinel’s eyes. Her eyes grow dark, pained, and then she glares at Stevonnie with such venom it almost knocks them backwards in alarm. ]
“NO!” she screams, tears streaming down her faded pink cheeks.
[She tears her feet up from the roots and runs away, using her arms like an orangutan to vault herself forward super fast so Stevonnie can’t catch her.]
___
Chapter 16
AN: Content warning for self-shattering attempt. Part of the reason why I had to stop writing this story at the time. I considered pushing the plot another way, but it didn't feel authentic to how I believed this scenario would play out for Spinel when she didn't have a direct target for her anger. Without someone to actively be jealous and upset AT, I could only imagine her breaking inwards instead of outwards, feeling that she's utterly failed in her life's purpose. Nothing more than a description for this chapter... and it'd be a short one.
[When Stevonnie finds her, she’s smashing her fists against her gem in her sheer anguish. She’s already cracked it. She’s glitching. It looks terribly painful. She’s about to strike her gem again when Stevonnie intervenes.]
___
Chapter 17
[Post timely intervention. Spinel is still cracked at this moment, though... her form glitching as she cries.]
“I was... her best friend,” she cries, fat, glistening tears streaming down her cheeks. “I was supposed to make her happy! Why wasn’t she happy? Why didn’t she come back?“
[Spinel reasoning that maybe if Pink came back for her, she wouldn’t have been shattered in the first place]
“What did I do wrong?” she whispers hoarsely, gazing pleadingly into Stevonnie’s eyes. “Wha- what am I doing? Why do I wanna hurt myself so badly?”
“Shh, now,” they reply, tears of their own brimming at the crease of their eyes, and pull Spinel’s head to their chest. “I’ve got you...”
___
Chapter 18
They know their throat is tight, and their voice scratchy. They know they’ve never sung this song in front of another living being, since it’s something personal they composed alone on one of their late nights back on Earth, thinking about all the difficult days Steven and Connie have had to face over the months. Pair this with their active crying, and there’s no way their singing will be anything pretty.
But pretty doesn’t matter right now.
Stevonnie opens their lips, and— clutching the broken hearted Gem close, rhythmically rocking with her back and forth— lets the wandering melody emerge from within.
“I guess I have to face That in this awful place I shouldn’t show a trace Of doubt...”
“But pulled against the grain I feel a little pain That I would rather do Without...”
“I’d rather be Free, free Free...”
[Hoarse, Spinel starts singing with them.]
“I’d rather be Free, free Free...”
“Free, free Free...”
“From here...”
[Stevonnie holds her tight while crying, their tears healing it back up.]
___
Chapter 19
AN: Don't have anything but a single bit of dialogue in this chapter note- I'm assuming I intended it as being a good few hours after the events of chapters 16-18... when Spinel has calmed down a little and has a moment to reflect on the upsetting news she's just received.
“I think... I always knew,” she says, voice hoarse. “In a way. It was so obvious how she felt about me.
___
Chapter ?
AN: From here on out, the plot hasn't been split into individual chapters.
[At some point shortly after chapter 19, Lars and his crew locate Stevonnie in the garden, and pick them and Spinel up. The next few bits of dialogue and description takes place on the ship.]
Rutile twins: “I haven’t heard of Spinels being produced in over five millennia.” “Me neither!”
Rhodonite: “Yeah, I heard they stopped making them entirely after the rebellion on Pink’s colony.”
[A bit of overwhelming conversation later, no one really noticing Spinel's conflicted emotional response to so many Gems hovering around her at once.]
Padparadscha: “I predict that you’re both going to make Spinel feel very uncomfortable aboard this ship.”
Rhodonite: “I’m sorry, we don’t exactly meet new Gems every century.”
Rutile twins: “Yes!” “It’s just been us until we met our captain!”
Fluorite: “Our new huuuuman friend helped us escape the tunnels on Homeworld. Now... we’re slooowly making our way back... to Earth.”
Spinel: “Earth?? You’re going to Pink’s world? But why? I heard she... was shattered.”
___
[Spinel feeling a sense of kinship with the idea that there’s other Gems who didn’t serve their rightful purpose and are now escaping their life on Homeworld to be free of that. Because now, without her Diamond, since she was unable to keep her happy, she’s an Off Color too. She failed her given purpose same as them.]
[Discussion of Earth, and the rebellion, and how there’s Gems living free there. And how Pink’s colony was siphoning life away, and that’s what these Gems were fighting to protect. Stevonnie points out all the plants and wildlife that used to live in the garden, and asks her if she felt happier when it was around. Spinel says yes. Stevonnie says that this is what the Diamonds are destroying, with each lifeless colony they forge. Everywhere they go, dead wildlife lies in their wake.]
Spinel: “I... guess I never thought of it that way.”
[(Stevonnie adds...) And while they’re very sorry for the personal connection there, and can’t imagine how painful that must be, that’s why Pink Diamond was shattered.]
[Spinel is given an open choice... Lars gives the invitation to stay with him and the Off Colors, and Stevonnie offers for her to come with them back to Earth. It's not a hard decision for her in the end, though. She's always dreamed of seeing what was once Pink’s planet, ever since she heard the Diamonds bequeath it to her.]
___
Stevonnie: “Okay, so… before we go, I need to be honest with you about something." [deep breath] "I’m actually a fusion of two separate people who are close friends. You... know what fusion is, right?”
Spinel: “Duh, o’course! What, d’ya think I was made yesterday?”
[...]
Stevonnie: “But even with that, I can’t be together as me all the time. Steven and Connie, the two who come together to form me... they love hanging out with each other so much, but they also have their own lives! Other friends, other hobbies, their own families. They still talk when they’re apart, but they know it’s okay to do things alone, too. Do you know why I’m telling you this?”
Spinel: [shakes head no] “No...?”
Stevonnie: [sighs] “I understand you’ve been left behind. Believe me, I know how bad that feels. So the last thing I wanna do is make you think I’m doing that too.”
Spinel: “Y-you— you’re going away?” Stevonnie: “Unfusing, yes.” Spinel: “But Stevonnie, you—“ Stevonnie: “Spinel. No matter what, you are my friend. Steven and Connie consider you a friend, too. And my hope is that you’ll keep making a whole bunch more on Earth, so you’ll always have people around who know and love you. But that can’t always be me, okay?“
___
[At home... on Earth. There's a bit of a close call for Pearl when Spinel arrives, and recognizes her as Pink's second pearl. This is news for Garnet and Amethyst and Steven, the first of which had somewhat suspected that Pearl used to be in the diamonds' service, but never knew for sure. Pearl, of course... can't say much on this due to her gag order... not that anyone else knows about that yet... but does manage a very concise and PD=RQ free explanation about her past in Pink's court, and her transition towards being a Crystal Gem:]
Pearl: “Rose Quartz set me free, and I’ve been a part of the rebellion ever since.”
___
[At some point between the last scene and the next, mention how Spinel had a bit of a relapse... she ended up poofing herself, and reformed differently. A little bit closer to the smudged mascara and frayed pigtails look of canon, but no rotated heart. Unlike in canon, she has a solid support system amongst the Crystal Gems, and she's working hard to recover from the heartbreak of Pink's abandonment.]
___
[Final scene is set post A Single Pale Rose. Steven and Connie fuse, and Stevonnie goes to find Spinel to check in on how she's taking the news. The final line of the fic is as follows:]
Spinel: “I know you’re not her, not really. And I know you’ll always be a better person than she ever was. But in some silly cyclical way... back in that garden... it’s almost like Pink came back for me after all.”
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sparklingchan · 4 years ago
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Taste of Spring || Han Jisung (Stray Kids)
Pairing : Reader (fem.) x Han.
Word count : 2.4k+
Warnings : Cuss words, slight mentions of heartbreak, not proof read. .
Genre : Fluff, slight angst , best friends to lovers AU.
Description : For Jisung, the world is either black or white - friendship or love. You happen to find yourself stuck in the grey.
A/N: Haven’t written an skz drabble in a while so yeah, here it is(whatever this is lol) and I’ve had this in my drafts for a whole month now. Damn. Sorry, Jisung.
I hope y’all like it <3
Enjoy!
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You had not seen your best friend in what felt like ages when in reality it had only been two weeks or so. But you often find yourself missing him at odd hours ,at the most random moments these days.
"I'll be back before dinner. Take care of my cat. Please." You call out to your sister who sits on the couch , sipping some cucumber induced water that apparently burns calories, and watching a very brutal, violent TV show that you wouldn't even want to ask her about.
"Say hi to Jisung for me." she replies with a quirk of an eyebrow, her lips curving into a sly grin. You roll your eyes but the heat has already tinted your cheeks and ears red by the time you exit your house and are walking down the street towards Han Jisung's abode.
As you continue on the road, you feel the taste of an incoming Spring in the air, sweet and full of love. You didn't know why or how or even if it were at all possible in the first place, but you could feel spring knocking on the door ,waiting to be welcomed in.
An old couple walks past you, hand in hand and eyes focused on each other and you inevitably catch yourself thinking about Jisung for some reason. You've both made a lot of fond memories during your spring breaks - you were both inseparable back then.
Even now you are inseparable but things are different.
He was your best friend and nothing more ,yet you find yourself questioning your true feelings towards the boy these days more often than not ,all whilst wondering when you had crossed over the line of wanting to be friends to something more.
"Oh,y/n! Come on in ,honey." Jisung's mother has been nothing but sweet to you throughout all 18 years of your life and you honestly blamed her for making you want to visit their place more often.
But then again, maybe it's not really the mother's hospitality that pulled you in, maybe it is her son's tooth decaying sweetness that brings out the deepest desires from your heart.
You walk into their house , a sense of familiarity washes over you just how it does whenever you walk into your own house too.
"He's in his room ,as usual. Go on. I'll send some snacks in for you." She adds, patting you softly on the shoulder.
Jisung's room is almost always a mess and sometimes one might even find the boy leaving a trail of garbage everywhere he goes, so you aren't surprised when you find a few crumpled piece of paper lying just outside his door. Clumsy little Han.
"Ji-" your words are cut short when you hear his voice from inside , as loud as ever, probably speaking to one of his friends who he also lovingly refers to as his babies(he sometimes calls you baby too ; on purpose or by accident, who knows?) But he seems very into the conversation right now - almost serious which you find rather unlikely for Han Jisung who has very proudly nicknamed himself as Comedian Han since eight grade.
It's the semester break and spring is around the corner - two things Jisung loves the most in the world so there should be no apparent reason for him to be having this deep of a conversation, especially early in the morning. However as his voice grows louder and more frustrated , you cannot help but wonder if there is actually something seriously troubling him.
Curious , you peek into the room through the small crack of the door.
"I know I'm being a coward Changbin but I can't do that to her. She's all I have ,man." he speaks into the phone , leaning down on his rotatory chair.
You freeze in your spot,your heartbeat resonating from every inch of your body. Who's he talking about?
"What? Are you out of your mind? I cannot tell her what I feel. That's the whole point of this damn phone call ,you fucker!" he yells.
You focus harder on their voices , trying to make out the gibberish Changbin replies with from the other end of the call.
Your body aches from standing so soundlessly, leaning half against the wall and half against the wooden door but you tell yourself to bear it for a little longer.
"No. No way. I can't. I can't do this to y/n!" Jisung hisses into the phone and then with a big pop, your bubble bursts -a bubble that you'd been building since you both were kids , designed carefully with dreams and hopes of a happy ever after with the boy in front of you. But you were weaving these dreams out of nothing but thin air. There never was anything to begin with and you always knew that.
Of course he has another girl in his life. He doesn't owe anything to you. You have no right to feel these strong emotions of jealousy and anger. You are just friends, right?
But imagining him with another woman was a poison you didn't put too much thought into until this very moment. You should have been prepared, really.
All hopes have left your side.
You turn around and walk out the same way that you came in , ignoring his mother's questions and concerned gaze. 
You want to be alone right now. Alone and away from everything that ever connected you with Han fucking Jisung.
***
He is a peculiar man, your best friend , loud yet calm , talented yet humble,his songs make more sense than his words ever could - but he intrigues you so much. It would take you a lot of time to figure Han Jisung out and you had only hoped to solve this puzzle before.. well , before he chooses to hold someone else's hand in the walk of life while you just watch from a far.
And now, you've finally run out of that borrowed time. Without even finishing half of the puzzle . The last tick of your time together has tocked.
That night, as you let the arms of grief and heartbreak pull you in , your cat(also called Snowflake) cuddles right beside you, staring at you as if it understood you.
Maybe it did. Because even you couldn't understand yourself anymore.
***
"Y/n, wake the fuck up! Come on,open the door." Your sister bangs on your door while simultaneously throwing words at you that were extremely inappropriate for an early morning conversation.
Annoying bitch. She's never cared to wake you up in the morning all your lives. Why is she changing her ways now?
You groan into your pillow, "Go away! I'll be out when I want to."
Your eyes barely find enough strength to keep themselves open. Your body aches and the bedsheet creases on your skin show evidence of a very good night's sleep in contrary to the misery you were subjected to just a few hours before that.
A heavy heart induces a good sleep , you conclude.
"I literally do not care about what you want ,y/n!" She yells against,her fist pounding against the door with more force now than from a while ago,"Come out. Right this instant."
Snowflake - who was chilling on the floor, playing with her toys - jumps on the bed ,pressing her fluffy body against your chest ,eyes glazed with fear.
"Fine. Fine. Can you stop yelling? You're scaring my baby." You reply, taking Snowflake into your arms as you run a soothing hand through her white fur.
Forcing yourself out of bed , you waddle towards the door.
"What do you want?" You unlock the door and with hooded eyes , yell at your sister, "Can you not be so fucking annoying this early in the morning?!"
Instant regret is what you feel the moment your sister steps aside, and you see the blurry figure of Han Jisung in front of your bedroom door.
Pure terror seizes you ,as your brain loses all its ability to form any response in that moment, “Hi, y/n. Can we please talk?" Jisung says, his mouth twisted into a sad smile and his puffy eyes looking at the floor.
Has he been crying? 
He wears his favorite black hoodie and a pair of grey track pants along with his SpongeBob flip flops. The bird nest on his head looks even more disheveled today, even so you find your heart beat fasten seeing this domestic look on him.
No matter what, Han Jisung is pretty.
Really pretty.
And if you were given a coin everytime you acknowledged it, you'd be a millionaire by now.
"Aw, Jisung honey, don't ask. Just walk into her room. I'm sure she's glad to see you too." Your sister replies in your stead ,sending glares towards you as if to say 'You better listen to him.'
And you're too shocked to react when he politely brushes past you and walks inside your room, settling himself at the edge of the bed. You make sure to shove a middle finger up in front of your sister's face before following suit .
Jisung's enquiries start the moment you step inside.
"I was so worried, y/n. You left my house without saying anything to anyone. Your phone was off. I wanted to come here but mom said you looked upset and that I should wait until the morning. " he sucks in a deep breath , "Y/n, baby, what the fuck happened?"
There's that word again. That damn word which has the ability to set your whole body on fire even on a cold morning like this one.
You hate the affect he has on you. You hate the affect his words have on you.
"Nothing." You mumble.
Snowflake wiggles out of your arms, and towards him.
Betrayer.
"Don't even lie to me. I am not that stupid." Jisung argues as Snowflake settles in his lap, "Y/n, have I not made it clear that I will be here for you, no matter what?"
You want to laugh. He really thinks you trust him so much that you'd tell him everything going on with you.
He's delusional - you can't possibly tell the boy you are in love with that he is the boy you are in love with. It's completely mental.
"I'm not in the mood for this conversation right now. Go home, Sungie." You say , sitting down on the bed, as far away from his warm body as possible.
Jisung sighs, "Not happening. You can call the police for all I care but I'm not moving my ass before you tell me what happened."
Snowflake snuggles into his tummy, Jisung's fingers giving her soft belly and ear rubs. 
So this is what your life has come down to - you are jealous of your cat who is getting more affection from your best friend slash crush (who is interested in someone else) than you ever did. Brilliant.
"I fucking love you , you dumb fuck. Why do you never notice! "
Jisung's lips widen into a smile. Of course Jisung knew. He has always known. Only a blind person would not notice your not very subtle efforts to win his heart and make him fall for you. Maybe it was you who was a dumb fuck because you never figured out how much Jisung loves you too even after being best friends for so long.
"You hear that, Snowflake? You heard what mommy said? She said she loves me! " Jisung's eye's glint with happiness as he picks up Snowflake, peppering her with smooches, "Your mommy loves me!"
You stare at him , confused beyond anything.
Jisung turns to you, his big signature grin fixated on his lips , " Is that why you ran away yesterday? Because God decided to punch you with the realization that you are in love with me?"
You scoff, "No, I left because you and Seo Changbin were talking about the other girl who you referred to as 'all you have '. I didn't want to know what else you refer to her as."
Jisung laughs , his shoulders vibrating with the action and his hands finding their way towards yours(Ha! How's that Snowflake!)
"You said that you heard me talk about some other girl so you must have heard some name too ,right?" He questions you , his fingers clutching your hand as if he were afraid of you running off again.
"Yeah, of course I did!" you clap back , "I heard the name - " Your heart drops as the crystal clear memory from yesterday flashes into your mind.
Jisung raises an eyebrow, a mischievous grin adorning his face, "Yes? What's that?"
Oh.
Oh.
"You had said my name." you whisper.
You divert your gaze from him and focus on your clasped hands and how perfect they look together - like the sole purpose of their creation was to hold each other.
Jisung shifts closer to you , your mattress dipping under his weight.
"Yes. I said your name." He tucks a few strands of hair behind your ears , "I said that I couldn't lose you because you're all that I have. And I didn't want my romantic feelings toward you to change anything between us."
Your breath gets stuck in your throat when he leans toward your face.
"So y/n, Will you please stop assuming things and be my girlfriend ?" Jisung asks.
You free your hand from his and slide them around his torso, hugging him.
"Yes, yes." you whisper, "A thousand times yes."
He engulfs you in the warmest hug possible, his hand rubbing your side comfortingly while he whispers sweet nothings into your ears.
"Sungie look, its a butterfly." You break away from the hug momentarily to point at the yellow and blue winged butterfly that settles down on top of Snowflake 's head.
Snowflake snarls at it , trying to chase it away with her paws while you and Jisung giggle. With arms secured around the other.
"Spring is on its way, isn't it?" He asks you ,"You know what it means?"
"More green vegetables?"
"Shut up ,y/n, you're so unromantic!"
You guys giggle a little more.
"No, but seriously ,what does it mean?" you ask , looking up at him from his chest.
Jisung presses a sweet, heartwarming kiss to your head , "New beginnings. Blossoming of New things."
Hs stares at you like he's trying to say something to you without using words and you like to be believe that you are able to get what he wants to say ; it's a new beginning for you guys.
Because you've finally crossed over this border line of friendship and stepped into the zone of no return, exiting the grey area you disliked so much.
And you know every second of it will be beautiful.
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touchstarvedsam · 4 years ago
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I was really gonna ignore that "superior"natural thing but I saw that they seem to have some talented artists. So I thought maybe they are doing something interesting (even if it's destiel) so I checked out their Google doc and omg I'm HOWLING! Eileen calls Sam moosie, Cas calls Dean squirrel. Dean calls Cas kitten, Sam calls Eileen otter. They say it's just a incollection of ideas that might not make it into the project, but you get a sense of what you're dealing with there. And this is from1/?
A brief perusal to see how much attention Sam gets compared to Dean & Cas (a word search gave 27/87/100 results for each respectively, so not too much attention to Sam. But sure, Sam is the favorite character of some of their writers). I'm sure a deeper reading will unearth more (like, Dean saying you are home to Cas, who says we're not at the bunker, Dean replies but you are home. That sounds like something Dean would say. And Dean wishes a tulpa into existence 'cause he misses Cas too much)2/?
They say they want to eliminate plot holes but it seems what's a plot hole depends on whether it serves their ship: purgatory stays (we know they love that arc) even if it makes no sense for Crowley and Cas to go through that much in S6 when apparently there are many ways in and out. Cas, the guy who failed at almost everything he's done, is a "master strategist". Every other retcon of later seasons stays as long as it serves ship purposes. Sam gets his fair share of attention but Dean is the3/?
One who teaches Cas about being human including the textures of food (Sam and Cas pbj moment erasure) and Cas should be the one to teach Jack about his powers (no mention of Sam and Jack's relationship). Other ooc things: Cas rides a bike and when Dean asks says it reminds him of flying. After Cain, Dean takes Cas to the farm for bees (?). Cas and Dean snuggle. Knowing Cas is alive gives demon Dean strength to fight to be cured? Dean speaks enochian to Cas. Cas making a mixtape for Dean. 4/?
Cas being in regarding Dean. "Baby jack walking around in cas’s trench coat going “I’m an angel”." Home alone type ep with Jack. Dean kissing cas's forehead when he's dead in 13.01. Crowley is Jack's godfather and gets him a hellhound pet. Sam has a pet fish? Dean sings you're my sunshine to Cas as he sleeps. "Uncle Gabe". Apparently John dropped Sam and Dean off at Bobby's all the time? I don't think this is canon? Keep 15.18 but change 19&20 (of course). There's no drama or angst like 5/?
Kevin's death or Crowley's death or anything that might add tension to the story. Unless of course it serves the ship so plenty of trauma for Cas including darkness (from the empty) and sharp objects (from Naomi). A small mention of Sam's trauma with Lucifer, thank God, but it's interesting that they have so little Sam. They can say they'll flesh out more arcs for Sam but it's clear he's not a priority from how he's not present where he should be. For example, Dean will explain everything 6/?
To Mary and break her out of her brainwashing. But where's Sam? She's his mother too. Other than Eileen Sam's most meaningful relationship seems to be with his pet fish (still confused about that). Even if this project gets better in the future, which I doubt, it's clear what the direction here is. It baffles me that they think this is superior to the show we have, as problematic as the show is. I wish them best of luck but I don't have any high hopes for this. Thanks for the laughs though. 7/7
Sorry for that long ass rant in your inbox. It's in the middle of the night but I'm cackling after reading their doc and I had to share it with someone. I thought you might find it amusing as well. Hopefully all my asks go through. On the one hand, I feel bad hating on a fan project. But the way they've positioned it ("superior"), the blatant disrespect to Sam, and all the shit their side has pulled since the finale (and long before that) has really irked me. Again, sorry.
I just- this whole thing was a whirlwind of nonsense, it took me a whole week to process it. I don’t even know where to start here, or if I want to just yeet my laptop out my bedroom window into the snow. They really consider their ideas superior to the original show? More like Inferiornatural, to be honest. Superinferiornatural? They can’t even seem to characterize them correctly, let alone come up with a decent plotline or idea.
So we’ll start with the nicknames, since that is where you started. The whole thing is painfully out of character, but the worst (and funniest) of them all is Dean calling Cas “kitten,” I might actually laugh myself into an early grave with that one. Dean gives nicknames to shorten people’s names (besides Sam; Sammy is the only person who gets an extended nickname). He’s not going to give someone a longer nickname than the original nickname he uses for them! And Cas wouldn’t actually give nicknames, especially not giving Dean the nickname Crowley gave him??? Otter?! Moosie?!  W H A T. Can we move on from grade school kiddie crush nicknames?
I’m currently manifesting Dean saying “kitten” in his gruff voice with that lip curl he does sometimes and I’m cracking up about it. Thanks for the amusement, heIIers.
Of course Sam would only be mentioned 27 times to Cas’ 100 because Sam means nothing to them. He’s only ever either been in their way or a cheerleader for that horribly characterized ship of theirs. I just love how, in order to make DestieI, they have to butcher the characters so irreparably that they’re unrecognizable. Good for them, they can’t even have fanfiction of their ship where the characters keep their canon personalities. 10/10 would laugh at again.
I love the Sam erasure. It’s true to the heIIers’ character at least. They’re a one-trick pony. I’m so used to it by now that I’m totally desensitized to their bullshit. But Dean speaking Enochian? What? When and how did he learn that? I can’t see Dean in his 30s sitting there willingly to learn the language of the angels. Not even if his “kitten” is the one to teach him. Dean doesn’t give a fuck about that. If any of them is going to learn Enochian, it’ll be Sam, and they can fight me on that. I will kick anyone’s ass that argues.
I hope the mixtape Cas makes for Dean is just 4 hours of that Spaghetti song by The Wiggles because Cas sucks at doing human things.
I’d love to see the Sam erasure in the Regarding Dean one. Just swap Sam out for Cas? So Cas is the only one Dean recognizes? Hmm. Where would Sam go? A smoothie place? Yeah, as if Dean would remember the angel who he’d barely known for 8 years at that time over Sam who he’d known since he was 4 years old, lol. Sure, Jan.
The entire 5th ask is WILD, nonnie. A pet fish? Dean singing you are my sunshine? Dean kissing Cas’ forehead? LMFAO. Crowley is Jack’s godfather. The KING OF HELL is Jack’s GODfather. I’m- hgfjdksl I’m sure Dean who was ripped apart by hellhounds would love for Jack to have a pet hellhound. Yeah. Absolutely. “Uncle Gabe” yeah, fuck that guy in particular. Honestly, I’m surprised they haven’t erased Eileen to make SabrieI endgame in their fic. SabrieI is the Sam version of DestieI. It’s just as nasty and abusive :) which was why the heIIers ship it. They’re into abuse. It’s their shtick.
I do wonder what the point of the fish is... Sam has always loved and wanted a dog... you’d think they’d give Sam a dog... but I forgot they don’t pay attention to the show unless the episode has Mushy in the credits. I literally saw a heIIer say they skipped episodes if Mushy wasn’t in the credits... so they don’t know how to characterize Sam or Dean, but from this message they don’t even know how to characterize Cas who seems to be their precious uwu baby angel so I’m not surprised. I can’t wait for them to start releasing this shitshow. It makes for good fodder to make fun of them all over again. They really watched a grand total of 146 out of 327 episodes and thought, “Yeah, my opinion about the show definitely matters,” and I think that’s fucking hilarious.
Sorry for taking so long to respond! Hope I did a good job, nonnie. <3
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let-me-write-shit · 4 years ago
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Can you write an imagine about Harry confessing feelings for you and you’re scared to open up but you finally do and then smut! Just like slow but seriously intimate. Hahahaha
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WARNING: SMUT!!!! and some fluff!
Word Count: 3,923
Requests are OPEN! If you have a request for a blurb, oneshot, imagine, whatever, Send me a message HERE!!!
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It was the way the light reflected in the colors of her eyes when she smiled, and the way his heart fluttered when she laughed. It was because she was the first thing he thought of when he woke up in the morning and his last thought before he went to bed. Those were just a few reasons Harry had fallen for Y/N. It started small, as it usually did. He met her through a friend of a friend at a party, another typical encounter. But Y/N was anything but typical. They introduced themselves to each other. He thought she was attractive, of course, but he was kind of seeing someone at the time. Well, that didn’t work out; another commonality. But their inner circles managed to keep crossing paths several times over the course of a year. Eventually, their circles combined and he found himself spending a lot of time talking to Y/N at these parties, and their friendship grew.
They began hanging out in small groups outside of the party scene. Sometimes he’d head back to her flat that she shared with a couple of roommates. Pretty soon, Harry and Y/N were talking almost every day and had gotten in the habit of having movie nights, alternating who got to pick the films. It always seemed platonic. Until one night.
Almost a month ago, now, it was Y/N’s turn to pick the movie. The Visit. She had been wanting to watch it for a while, but hadn’t dared to watch it alone; her roommates hated scary movies. So Harry agreed. They had talked for ages and already finished their takeaway by the time they started the movie. Her sofa was big. Big enough to fit four people. But they squeezed close to each other towards one end of the couch, like they always did, legs tucked under the blanket. Harry teased her, poking her sides during the tense scenes which always made her yelp and slap him. But she always smiled.
Then, a jump scare happened. Honestly, it got Harry pretty bad, too. He flinched, his whole body jerking, and his heart began to race. He almost certainly said a curse word or two, as well. He didn’t even notice Y/N was burying her head in his side, hands pressed tight over her eyes until he turned to say something to her. He snorted, but his first reaction was to wrap his arms around her and rub her back.
“I think I’m about done with this movie,” Y/N’s voice was muffled as she spoke into his shirt.
Harry let out a chuckle, “Oh, come on, we’re not even halfway through. It’s just a movie. I’ve got ya.”
Y/N leaned back and looked up at him. It was the first time he saw her scared. And for some reason, he got a better look at her at that moment than he had in the past year and a half of knowing her. He didn’t know why it clicked then. Maybe it was the rush of adrenaline, or maybe it was all of the chocolate they were munching on throughout the movie; he had heard it was an aphrodisiac somewhere. Whatever it was, it caught him off guard. He couldn’t look away from her. It was like their eyes were locked onto each other’s and their sense of reality just went fuzzy. All he could think about was how soft her lips looked at that moment and how badly he wanted to kiss her. He noticed her eyes flickering from his, down towards his lips, then back up again. Maybe it was a trick of the light? Did she feel it, too? And just as he was about to make the move, Y/N seemed to suddenly snap back into herself and she shook her head, pulling away a bit.
“Yeah, sorry, I-Uhm,” she sat straighter, body turned away from him and eyes staring towards the floor, “Can we just pick another movie?”
“S-sure,” Harry stuttered, straightening up himself.
And she hurriedly pulled out her phone, scrolling through the options until she landed on Pineapple Express. They barely spoke the rest of the night, which was something Harry wasn’t used to with Y/N. She never stopped talking.
As mentioned, Y/N was anything but typical. She seemed like a walking contradiction. Super outgoing and would talk to everyone but somehow seemed to shy away with no rhyme or reason. She was loud and adventurous, but so soft and cautious at the same time. There were times where Harry thought he could read her like the back of his hand and others where he couldn’t even begin to know what was going on in her head. She was so obvious, but, yet,  mysterious. One constant thing was that she wasn’t afraid to talk to Harry about anything. And I mean anything. She’d talk about period problems, farts, bathroom difficulties, food, boys, friendships, work, you name it. Opening up to him was never a problem until that night.
He couldn’t get her out of his head. The rest of that night was awkward, but by the next day, she pretended like nothing ever happened. At first, he thought he was going crazy. That he had imagined a spark between them. Until those moments happened again at their next movie night. And again at a party. And again while on Facetime at the end of a long week. Again, and again, and again. And all the while, his feelings for her grew. All he could think about was her. All of the songs he scribbled down in his journal were about her. Every intrusive thought was about Y/N, and every time they talked, he swore it would be the time that his thoughts would finally burst out of him.
Another movie night. It was at Harry’s house this time, purposely picked. Harry decided tonight was the night he was going to do it. He has been trying to pluck up the courage to say something for weeks now, and he wasn’t going to let another night pass by without telling her. He just needed the right moment to do it.
“What’s on the docket for this evening, sir?” Y/N asked, taking a bite of her sushi.
Harry swallowed his food and blotted his mouth with a napkin before he said, “Was thinking something scary if you’re not too chicken shit this time. Kind of over the rom-coms now.”
“Harry Styles doesn’t want to watch chick-flicks? Are you feeling well?” she teased.
Harry rolled his eyes with a smirk, “Must be the end of the world.”
“That’s the only logical explanation,”  Y/N nodded in agreement.
They finished eating their dinner, grabbed some gummy candies, and ventured to his couch, sitting close together at one side where they started their typical pre-movie chat. The lights were already off, a faint glow from the television, and under-cabinet lights in the kitchen were enough for them to see each other.
“I’m pretty excited for it, honestly,” Harry smiled, giddily patting his thighs, “I mean, it’s not official, yet. They’re still in negotiations, but they want me to play the part, so there’s a strong possibility.”
Y/N was smiling proudly, head tilted to the side, “It’ll happen. I’m so proud of you! I can’t wait to see the movie, it sounds amazing!”
“Maybe you can visit me on set one day. Or go to the premier or something.”
“That’d be lovely.”
There it was again. That moment. He felt his body begin to stiffen, unblinking, and unable to break eye contact. Their smiles faded into something more serious now and he strained to fight the pull on his chest that urged him to fill the space between them. And like always, Y/N was the first to break.
Flustered, she cleared her throat, and looked towards the television, avoiding eye contact, “Right, what movie were you thinking? Were we gonna try The Visit again? I think I’m up for it, now.”
Harry froze, stunned for a moment. How could she so easily push this aside? Now was the moment. He wasn’t going to back down. He needed to get it off his chest, at the very least. If she didn’t feel the same way, that was fine, he’d figure out a way to get over it. But they at least needed to talk about it.
The left side of his lips twitched upward and he felt the blush rise to his cheeks, something that always happened when he was nervous, “Y/N, what is this?” he asked.
Y/N’s eyebrows furrowed, turning her attention back to him, “What do you mean?”
“Come on, I can’t be imagining things.”
“What are you talking about, Harry?” She tried her best to sound clueless, but she was scared. And he saw it.
He took a deep breath, pausing for a moment while he attempted to collect his thoughts. Finally, he spoke, locking eyes with her and spilling his mind, “Look, I like you. And I just thought that maybe you felt the same? It’s just that...every time we’re together all I can think about is kissing you. Well, it’s not just that,” he muttered, “You’re all I think about. And then we have these moments where I think we might kiss, and then you pull away.”
Y/N stared at him, her face beginning to flush as she tore her eyes off of him and looked down at her thumbs which twirled together, hands clasped tight, “Harry….no you don’t,” she shook her head hesitantly.
He retracted, bewildered by her response, “What?”
She looked back up at him, forcing a smile through her sad eyes. He heard the crack in her voice as she started to talk, “You don’t like me. You’re just bored, and I’m here. We barely know each other.”
His mouth parted, unsure how to respond to that. At first, he was angry. But it quickly changed into confidence. He shook his head, smiling, “You’re wrong.”
“I’m wrong?” she repeated, tryingly.
“Yes, you’re wrong. I know you, Y/N. I know you say your favorite color is blue, but it’s really that orangey-purple color the sky makes when the sun starts to set. I know your favorite drink is a sidecar. I know that your favorite holiday is Christmas Eve. I know you detest mornings, but not as much as your hatred for clowns. I know you like to sleep on the side of the bed that’s furthest away from the door and if you’re not sleeping with someone, you line up pillows under your sheets in case an intruder comes in and they’ll stab the pillow person first,” that one made both of them laugh.
“Harry-” she started.
He shook his head, cutting her off and continuing, “You hate complicated Starbucks orders, you hate bad tippers, and you hate the sound of styrofoam rubbing against cardboard. I know how hard you work at your job and how underappreciated you are there. I know that you’ve always dreamed of getting married when the leaves just start to change colors and you’ve always wanted to have at least three kids. Your family means the world to you. Your dream vacation is Greece. You can’t decide if you’re a cat person or a dog person. You have a habit of falling for the wrong people and have gotten your heart broken more times than you can count, but you haven’t given up on love yet.”
His smile was wide and sure. And she stared at him, speechless, frowning slightly.
“See?” he urged, “I know you.”
There was silence again as they stared at each other. And her eyes began to pull away from his again, shifting down to her thumbs. His heart dropped, afraid that he just poured his heart out to her for nothing.
“Please say something,” he begged. He thought his chest was about to explode.
She took a breath, pausing with her mouth open for a moment before. There was barely a foot between their faces and he could see every crease of her eyes and forehead, unspeaking. It was the first time Harry had seen her at a loss for words, and he was terrified for what would happen when she finally spoke.
“Harry, I-” she started, her eyes searching his face, trying to find the right words to say, but nothing came. She sat there, sputtering.
Harry stared at her, waiting. And when she didn’t say anything, he pleaded with her, “Please don’t make me feel like an idiot, Y/N. Say something. Anything. I just need to know.”
“Yes, Harry, obviously I like you,” she finally forced out, taking a deep breath and locking eyes with him as she finally let it all out. It was like he had just unplugged a tidal wave of pent-up thoughts and they started to pour out of her, “But you’re Harry-fucking-Styles. And that shouldn’t matter, but it does! I’m not the kind of girl that dates the popular football star, Harry. I’m the one in the back of the class who no one notices. I keep my head down and only have three real friends. Do you know how stupid I feel for liking you?”
He couldn’t listen to her say such horrible self-deprecating things about herself anymore. Not when she sat twelve inches from him, her eyes illuminating from the glow of the tv and her soft lips taunting him with the words that kept echoing in his mind since the second they came out of her beautiful mouth. ‘Obviously I like you’. That’s all he needed to hear. Nothing else mattered. A smile was stretched across his face and he couldn’t hold back any longer. She was still talking, but he couldn’t hear a thing and he lurched forward, closing the space between them as he pressed his lips on hers.
The suddenness of it startled her for a moment, but once she realized what was happening, her eyes closed and she sunk into him, allowing it to happen. She felt Harry smile into the kiss, which only made her do the same, and he deepened it by snaking his hand up her arm and to her neck, tangling the tips of his fingers in her hair.
Her hands instinctively roamed to his chest, placing her palm gently against the soft cotton of his red graphic t-shirt and she could feel his heart beating rapidly as they kissed, their tongues now dancing together, lips moving in sync. Had she known she’d be kissing Harry Styles tonight, she might have thought to bring some chewing gum after eating all the sushi for dinner.
Harry felt her start to kneel on the couch and he leaned back as she began to hover over him, swinging one leg over his lap, straddling him now on the couch and she deepened the kiss, both of her hands now on his jawline. His member began to throb against his pants and his hands started to roam her back and sides and even grabbing onto her ass, squeezing firmly. He hesitated for a moment as his hands slid back up the side of her body, underneath her shirt and stopping just below the underwire of her bra.
He took hold of the hem of her shirt and pulled away to see Y/N breathing a little heavier, her lips swollen and slightly red from all of their kissing, and he was almost certain he looked the same, yet somehow she looked even more beautiful.
“Can I-?” he tugged on the bottom of her shirt.
She nodded, sitting back a bit to give him more room to lift her shirt up over her head. He stared for a moment at her perfectly round breasts that sat holstered by a baby pink bra until the urge overwhelmed him and he began to press his face to her soft, cushioned skin, doting kisses all over her chest. She felt his hands slide towards her back and unclasp her bra with ease, letting it slip down her arms and revealing her full breasts, cupping one and bringing her nipple into his mouth while he massaged the other with his free hand.
Slowly he began trailing his suckling kisses up her chest and towards her neck, making her head fall back as he hit a sweet spot, a small moan escaping her soft lips. It was the push she needed that sent her over the edge. She wanted him. All of the things she had fantasized about doing with Harry came rushing to the forefront of her mind. He was being so soft and gentle with her, making sure each kiss was intimate and deliberate. She tugged at his shirt, letting him know she wanted it off, and he pried himself off of her to allow her to pull it over his head to reveal his tattoo ridden chest and arms.
Immediately, he wrapped his arm around her waist and twisted her so that her back was propped up against the armrest of the couch and he was hovering over her. He began kissing her again, hand slipping down to her jeans and rubbing where her crotch was, making her hold her breath from the feeling. And when he started to unbutton her pants, he pulled away.
“Is this okay?” he asked, earning a vigorous nod, her mouth slightly parted.
He pulled her pants off, underwear going with it, and traced kisses from her toes up to her muff where he began to suck at her clit, running his tongue along her slit. Her breath shallowed when he inserted his fingers in her cunt, flicking them upwards as he lapped at her juices, unable to control her moans. He looked up at her as his nose was buried in her pussy, roused by the look of indulgence on her face and he pulled away, causing her to lock eyes with him.
Y/N leaned forward, pressing her lips to his once more. She began bent down, peppering his neck and chest with kisses, trailing down his stomach and he leaned back on the couch, legs separating as she slinked herself between them, knees hitting the floor. He watched as she unclasped his pants and slowly pulled them down to his ankles, eyes staring hungrily as his dick popped out of its hold, waving in front of her face.
She took hold of him at the base and used two hands to pump him, feeling every ridge and vein as she slid her hands up and down his erection. She dropped a hand, cupping his balls and massaging as she ran her wet tongue from the base of his member to his tip before taking him into her mouth. Harry’s jaw dropped and jutted forward from the sensation, watching her through half-closed eyelids as her head bobbed up and down.
“Fuck,” he breathed, his head falling back as she took his balls into her mouth, pumping him with her hand.
She held out as long as she could, but Y/N couldn’t wait any longer. She wanted him inside of her. So she got to her feet and straddled him again, holding onto his shoulders for balance. His eyes were full of lust as he scanned her body, their eyes locking as she slowly lowered herself on top of him, with his help for guidance. Both of their mouths were parted, thin gasps as her warm box engulfed him, steadily bouncing up and down.
Everything about it was sensual. Every desirous kiss, every longing look, every craved touch, taste, and movement felt almost overwhelming. His senses seemed to go crazy and the world around them turned fuzzy. For a moment, he forgot who he was. He forgot he was a separate entity, not entangled as one with Y/N. She rode him with such passion that he couldn’t bear the thought of it ending.
He wrapped her arm around her waist again, pulling her tight into him as he readjusted her back onto the couch, hovering over her again. She sucked in air as he began to pump into her, painstakingly slow. Her back arched with desire, breathing his name and a small formed on his lips, bending down to kiss her.
She wrapped her arms around his body, pulling him closer to her chest as he took a firm grasp down at her waist, pushing himself deeper in her, slowly still. He could feel her hole start to throb around him and her breaths started to shudder, louder now. She was close.
“You’re gonna make me cum, Harry,” she whimpered, forcing herself to look at him.
He brushed her hair out of her face, trying to keep his pace to not throw her off her path. He stared down at her, searching her face as he panted. God, she was so beautiful. He planted a hard kiss on her lips and nodded, “Finish, Y/N. You can do it.”
Her eyes tightened in focus, and her mouth opened wider and wider as she gripped on his back, digging her nails into his skin, stinging as she sucked in a huge gasp of air, held it, stiffened as she finally released. He paused, letting her collect herself as she finally let out her breath and that’s when he began to pump faster.
Her moans started up again and he pushed his chest away from hers to get a better look, pulling her waist to his and watching her breasts bounce every time his hips collided with hers. He was close. He gritted his teeth, pumping faster now as he looked down at her, her hair sprawled on the couch underneath her, little red marks along her chest and stomach from him being pressed against her for so long, and a sign of their lovemaking shown on her collarbone in the form of a faint purple hickey which made him even more enthralled.
He felt the rush in him begin to rise like a ball of fire as he began his climax, gripping tighter now on her waist, not breaking eye contact. She bit her bottom lip as he went faster, and faster until he felt that ball of fire creep into his groin, and quickly, he slipped himself out of her. She grabbed hold of his soaking cock just as he busted, letting out a shaky moan, and she pumped him a few more times to make sure it was all out.
After a moment to collect his breath, he bent down and grabbed his shirt, using it to clean up. And before she could get her clothes on, Harry collapsed beside her on the small bit of space left on the edge of the couch, pulling her closer to him and pressing a kiss on the corner of her mouth. She turned to face him with a satisfied grin, and he tucked her hair behind her ear to get a better look at her.
“You’re amazing,” he said, looking between her eyes, “And I know that being with me sounds scary, but I promise I’ll always be there if you’ll have me.”
Y/N pursed her lips, trailing her fingers from his forehead, to his ears, and down to his plump lips which she traced with her thumb. She nodded, lips twitching upwards in a grin, “You’re mine.”
“I’m yours,” he smiled, hugging her tighter.
------------------------------------
Taglist:
@thurhomish @odetostep
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roboticonography · 4 years ago
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Fic Preview: Except Perhaps in Spring
Dear @formerlyir,
I’m your Secret Santa! I’ve so enjoyed getting to know you in 2020, and I look forward to many more chats and Snippets Mondays. I guess now you know why I was so cagey with you about what I was working on for the exchange! ;)
It’s been a lot of fun working on a story just for you, but December has been an eventful month for me, and in the end it got away from me a little. So here’s a taste of your story, “Except Perhaps in Spring.” I hope you have as much fun reading it as I’ve had writing it.
Happy New Year!
=======
As she would maintain for many years afterwards, Peggy hadn’t wanted to go to the pub in the first place.
It wasn’t that she disapproved of such amusements. She liked a stiff drink as much as the next field agent (though not, perhaps, as much as Colonel Phillips, who kept a bottle of bourbon at the back of his middle desk drawer for “medicinal purposes”).
And she appreciated that the boys from the 107th invited her along on their madcap outings—not out of a misguided sense of chivalry, or some crack-brained scheme to charm her out of her knickers, but because they genuinely enjoyed her company.
Along with their fearless leader, the three biggest troublemakers of the group were in London for one night to accept an award on behalf of the 107th. Dugan, Barnes, and Morita had been invited to accompany Steve to the award ceremony, but not to any of the PR opportunities that followed. While Steve spent his afternoon posing for pictures with various elected officials, his boys would spend theirs loitering around the SSR’s London headquarters, trying to convince Peggy to come out on the town with them that night.
Peggy was in no mood.
It had been raining in sheets all day, and her umbrella had already given out on the walk in. The cavernous underground war room was freezing: everyone was wearing scarves and gloves at their stations. 
Peggy’s office—little more than an alcove with a door, really—had sprung a leak during the night, which meant she’d arrived that morning to find a stack of finished paperwork completely drenched. Aside from shoving her desk against the wall and putting a rubbish bin under the steady drip, there wasn’t much to be done.
Thanks to some especially severe belt-tightening, there was no comfort to be had even in a hot drink: the coffee was dismal sludge, the tea in the communal bucket had been stewed to within an inch of its life, and there was, naturally, no milk or sugar to be found anywhere on the premises.
Peggy had spent most of her day hunched over her typewriter, re-typing a twelve-page report that Colonel Phillips would undoubtedly skim for two seconds before it would disappear into the SSR’s vast storehouse of files, never to be seen again.
So when the invitations started, Peggy’s polite-but-firm no, thank you was already locked and loaded, and her aim was true.
She hadn’t counted on the boys being either bored or bold enough to try their luck again as a trio, wedging themselves into her office three abreast, with Dugan as the filling in the sandwich.
“I said no, gentlemen.”
“Yeah, I’ve heard this song before,” said Dugan, grinning. 
“Me too,” chimed in Barnes. “‘Her lips said no, but her eyes said—’”
“On your bike,” said Peggy curtly.
“She’ll change her tune when we tell her who’s coming,” said Dugan. “Won’t she, boys?”
His companions gave solemn nods.
“Yep,” said Morita, drawing the word out. “She’ll come around pretty quick when she hears that we convinced him.”
Peggy glared at each of them in turn. 
“All right,” she said at last. “Who is it?”
“Me, of course,” said Howard, shoving his way in between Morita and Dugan. “See? I told you she’d be excited.”
“Thrilled,” Peggy deadpanned.
“I think she thought we meant someone else,” said Barnes.
“Someone taller,” Dugan agreed.
Howard feigned indignance. “Taller, maybe, but I can guarantee I’m a better dancer. Did you know there’s a leak in your ceiling?” he added helpfully.
“Right. All of you, out.”
The unholy barbershop quartet reluctantly took its leave.
It wasn’t the first time they’d implied that there was something between her and Steve. She didn’t appreciate them doing it in earshot of her office colleagues, though she was certain there must be talk already: Steve’s last visit to HQ had ended in a legendary bust-up between them, after she’d interrupted him with Private Lorraine, mid-embrace.
She wasn’t only angry that he’d kissed someone else. She was angry that he’d kissed a woman he barely knew, after he’d made himself out to be a different sort of man. She’d felt foolish for believing him, for liking him, when he’d told her he was waiting for the right partner.
She was angry that he’d had the nerve, afterwards, to try and brush it aside, pretending it hadn’t meant anything. If a kiss like that didn’t mean anything, how many others had there been? And how many more would there be while they were apart?
(And, though she’d never admit it, she was angry that Steve appeared to be a decent kisser.)
Then, to add insult to injury, he’d brought up Howard’s one-sided flirting—as though she had any control over the invitations and innuendo men chose to pitch at her day after day, as casually and aimlessly as they dropped their litter in the street.
If that was all it took to drive Steve into the arms of another woman, then perhaps it was best that they remained separated by the English Channel for the time being.
*
Peggy applied herself to her work, ignoring any further overtures. As much as she appreciated the inclusion, she didn’t want to spend her evening sitting in a smoky pub, drinking cheap beer and bellowing herself hoarse. She wanted a warm bath and a warm bed. There was only one person she was interested in inviting to join her in either, and even if she hadn’t still been a bit cross with him, the chance of her seeing him at all on this brief visit grew more remote with every hour that passed. His itinerary included supper with Senator Brandt at his hotel, and was liable to be a late night—the senator’s aide had also arranged for a room for Steve at the hotel, presumably to avoid cutting their evening short.
She was grateful Steve would have a chance to get a decent meal and a good night’s sleep while he was in London, even if it meant she wouldn’t get to see his preposterously good-looking face in person. She knew from the dispatches that he was doing gruelling work, and that he often passed up opportunities for respite so that other men could take leave.
By six, it seemed as though the boys from the 107th had all cleared off at last, along with the rest of the office. Peggy slipped into the women’s locker room to change clothes. Transit to and from home in uniform for women was allowed, but not precisely encouraged—and the uniform had a way of making a person more approachable, which was the very last thing Peggy wanted just now. 
She quickly tidied her hair, and reapplied her lipstick and a small dab of eau de toilette, before donning her trusty navy shirtwaist dress. It was slightly threadbare at the cuffs and collar, but still serviceable, and a decent fit, even if it wasn’t as stylish as one might wish for. Peggy knew that plain outfits were a small sacrifice for such a worthy cause—but she still longed for the day when she could have a new dress every season, with features and embellishments, in colours so rich her mouth watered at the thought.
Daydreams of pleated skirts and pockets carried her all the way back to her desk, where she collected her hat and gloves, and tried to revive her sad umbrella. If her office ceiling was any indication, it was still pouring outside, but she knew better than to risk bad luck opening the thing indoors.
Just as she’d started to don her Mackintosh, she heard Barnes’s customary “shave-and-a-haircut” knock on the open door behind her.
She didn’t bother turning around. “For the last time, sod off!” She didn’t often use that kind of language in a professional setting, but if they weren’t going to accept a polite refusal, then—
“Yes, ma’am,” said a familiar voice.
She spun on her heel.
Steve was leaning against the door frame, hands in his pockets. His dress uniform jacket was tucked under his arm, his sleeves rolled up to the elbow. His tie had come loose, his collar unbuttoned, and his hair was mussed, tumbling boyishly over his brow. 
He looked, in short, half-undone and entirely ravishing.
All of the sensible reasons she had for keeping her distance suddenly seemed small and remote in comparison.
“Steve,” she said, unnecessarily. “Hello.”
“Hi.” The warm smile he gave her suggested that he hadn’t taken her dismissal personally, at least.
Peggy had imagined this exact scenario an embarrassing number of times: the two of them, in the office after hours, all alone. The fantasies ranged from fairly chaste (teasing, light flirting, an innocent kiss or two) to positively filthy (Steve’s hands roaming her body, his mouth open and demanding against hers).
Looking at him now, her preference was decidedly for the latter option.
Oblivious to the turn her thoughts had taken, Steve asked, “Rough day?”
“Not really, not—” Not anymore, she wanted to say, but clamped her mouth shut just in time. “I didn’t know you were coming in.”
“I’m not here—not officially. I was just gonna leave this on your desk.” 
He jiggled a small brown paper packet at her. It took her a moment to recognize it as the portion of sugar from a ration box.
“How on earth did you manage to hang onto that?”
“We’re still getting it in the K-rats. And I like to save mine for a rainy day.”
“It certainly is that,” she conceded, glancing up at the ceiling. “Are you sure you won’t miss it?”
A different sort of man, a smooth operator, would have taken the opportunity to feed her a line: not as much as I’ll miss you, or, how about you just owe me something sweet? But Steve just shrugged, and tucked the packet gently under the corner of her desk blotter.
Peggy was both touched and exasperated.
She knew that in combat, even with no experience, he could be confident, creative, and quick-thinking. He was almost certainly capable of applying that approach in other situations too. But he hadn’t—at least, not with her.
She wanted one romantic overture from him. Just one. A single, unmistakable gesture, something that couldn’t possibly be attributed to kindness or friendship or sheer accident. 
She felt she deserved at least that.
Still, he’d come halfway across town, to bring her less than an ounce of sugar that he’d probably gone hungry to save. It wasn’t a passionate kiss, but it counted for something.
And so she smiled, and thanked him, adding, “I’m glad I was here to accept it in person.”
“Me too.”
“I thought you had supper with the senator and his cronies.”
“I told him I had an early start tomorrow. I think he got enough of my time.” His tone made it plain that he would rather have spent his day getting shot at by HYDRA. “I told the guys they ought to ask you to come out with us tonight. I’m sorry they bothered you.”
“No, it’s fine—I mean, yes, they did, but—” Being half-in and half-out of her coat meant that instead of breezily waving his apology aside, she wound up flapping her sleeve at him, ineffectually.
Obligingly, Steve stepped closer, and held her coat up by the collar.
“Oh,” said Peggy, letting him slip the coat over her shoulders. “Thank you.”
It was a simple gesture, one any kind person would make, and Steve was nothing if not kind. There was absolutely no reason for her heart to be racing, she told herself sternly.
His hand still held her collar; she turned, drawing the circle of his arm around her shoulders, as though they were about to dance.
Up close, she could see the faint dusting of freckles across his nose, the speck of a mole on his cheek. Details that the artists who depicted Captain America always seemed to miss, slight imperfections that belonged only to Steve Rogers. She was strangely tempted to brush her fingertips over them, to prove that they were real, that he was real. 
His eyes were wide, his gaze clear blue and bottomless, and she suddenly felt in danger of drowning.
A hard pellet of water hit her cheek, making her jump.
“Don’t tell me it’s raining in here, too,” said Steve, glancing up at the ceiling with his hand outstretched.
“It’s London in March,” she observed, stepping out of the line of fire. “It’s raining everywhere.” She emphasized the point by buttoning her coat and hooking her umbrella over her arm.
“Can I walk you to the train?” His look was hopeful. 
“Actually,” she said, against her better judgement, “I think I will come for a drink, after all.”
Steve beamed. “Swell.”
(TO BE CONTINUED...)
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hoekaashi · 4 years ago
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3 am Talks - hq pt 3
a/n: almost done, two more left!! i’m not sure why, but these ones were really fun for me to do and i had to cut myself off before i wrote whole fics for each one. also thank you to my wifey for helping me with akaashi, idk why his was so hard for me to do ): pairings: bokuto x reader, akaashi x reader, ushijima x reader, tendou x reader, semi x reader warnings: some spoilers for post timeskip, minor cussing, a bit suggestive (ushi) taglist: @babydabi​, @suckersuki​, @bakugoustanaccount​, @animoozies​ part 2 | part 4
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ *:・゚✧*:・゚✧✧・゚: *✧・゚:*  ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
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⇾ definitely someone who talks about the first things that just pop into his mind ⇾ would literally change topics in the middle of his sentence ⇾ “did you see my last spread, I was centerfold Tsum-Tsum was not happy but when I offered to trade places with him, it made him even more mad - I just got an email saying my new knee pads have been shipped YES - babe are you hungry? Let’s go to the convenience store and get some snacks” ⇾ all over the place ⇾ but the second sleep starts to hit him, he become even softer than he already is ⇾ this baby would def be asking for validation without outright asking for it - we all know he lives to be praised but as he gets older, he stops asking for it directly ⇾ i feel like he just becomes more self-conscious after he realizes that being on a national team means that now the entire WORLD is scrutinizing him ⇾ i could keep going on about him imma stop
“I couldn’t help it, I started laughing.” Even hours later, Bokuto was trying to hold in laughter from the memory of the event. “I think that’s why he’s mad at you Kou.” Bokuto pouted. “I offered to help him up.” “Yeah, but you were also red from laughing so hard and wiping the tears from your eyes. I don’t think he appreciated that.” Bokuto got quiet and you knew what that meant. “But at the end of the day, the pictures came out amazing. You look amazing.” His smile, although soft compared to his usual grin, came back. “You think so?” You hummed. “If volleyball doesn’t work out, you could be a model. I already know one of my friends has a shrine dedicated to you. Which honestly feels weird, but hey, if it’s harmless why should I care?” you said, going off on a tangent. Bokuto brushed off the compliment that normally would’ve stroked his ego. “Nah, I don’t think I could handle the pressure.” You cocked an eyebrow. “People constantly judging you and criticizing you. You know me, I thrive with praise and…” “Become emo with criticism?” He let out a dry chuckle. “Yeah. I’m trying to change.” You reached over and caressed his cheek. “There’s a difference between growing up and mellowing out and changing who you are. You’ve done the growing up part and you’re slowly mellowing out as much as you can. But please don’t change.” “But people keep saying -” “Forget what they say. I love you the way you are now.” Bokuto’s full grin returned to his face. “I love you more.”
.・゜-: ✧ :- -: ✧ :-゜・.
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⇾ more of a listener he learned his ways from babysitting bo ⇾ he would just enjoy listening to whatever you had on your mind ⇾ one to add his own commentary and thoughts to whatever you were saying ⇾ if he were to talk though, he would reminisce  ⇾ talks of bokuto and his old team, things he misses ⇾ but speaking of bokuto, he would go off on how proud he is seeing his former ace doing so well for himself now - even if he still isn’t a normal player ⇾ depending on how open he’s feeling, he might even wander into his insecurities and childhood, things he doesn’t really open up about unless he feels really close to you
“And then I booked it out of there,” you finished your story. Akaashi hummed. “What about the other girl who was still working?” “Look, she never sticks around to help me when I have extra work, I wasn’t going to stick around to help her.” He cracked a smile at your pettiness. “Wait, didn’t you have lunch with Bokuto today?” “Yes. It was nice.” You waited a moment thinking that Akaashi would add more. “That’s it? It was nice?” “Well, you know how he is. But it was nice to see him trying to change himself. Well, improve himself.” You rolled over from your back onto his chest and reached up to play with his hair. “We talked a lot about playing during high school and what the others are doing these days. Everyone is so busy now, it’s hard to keep up. I’m proud of them.” You didn’t let the smile on Akaashi’s face go unnoticed, commenting on how it always seemed to be there whenever he talked about his former ace. “Leave me alone, I’m happy with how far he’s come on his own. I can’t but smile when I think about the people I love.” “Do you smile when you think about me?” “Of course I do, you idiot,” he replied before kissing your forehead.
.・゜-: ✧ :- -: ✧ :-゜・.
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⇾ i very strongly believe he would talk about parallel universes ⇾ he would go into the existence of them but also like ‘what if there was a way for people in a parallel universe who could watch me as if my life was a movie’ ⇾ if he was in a more serious mood, like if he had a big match coming up or sum, he would talk more about his goals ⇾ the things he hopes to accomplish in the future, the outcomes he wants in life ⇾ if he was tired, it would be more like akaashi - more listening, less talking ⇾ i feel like he would always want to know what’s happening in your mind so he would ask you the most random questions or just want to listen to you talk as he drifts off to sleep
“Do you think they saw me when I tripped over Leo and dropped the dishes?” You remembered when he tripped over the cat the two of you were raising and ended up breaking a few plates. As annoyed as you were that the plates you like broke, it gave you a reason to go domestic shopping with your boyfriend. You sighed. “No Toshi. If they were watching you, it would be when you’re playing volleyball or taking a shower.” “But you’re in the shower with me sometimes. You think they saw what we were doing?” “If they did,” you started with your eyebrows raised, “I hope they enjoy it as much I do.” He chuckled. “Why when I’m playing volleyball?” “Because that’s your job now. What else would they watch you do? Play with Leo?” He didn’t reply as he looked down to the cat in his lap. Petting it, the two of you sat in silence for a while. You finally thought he dropped the topic as you started to drift to sleep. “I wonder if the people watching like me. Or what if they think I’m the villain?” You sat up in bed. “Why would you think you would be a villain in a show about volleyball?” “I don’t know. I could be a side character that no one likes.” His voice got quieter the more he talked. “Aw, Toshi. I’m sure you have many, many fans in this parallel universe who all wish to be dating you. You never intentionally hurt anyone. You tried, in your own way, to work with Oikawa, but it’s not like you sabotaged him or anything.” He nodded. “He should’ve come to Shiratorizawa. We could’ve been that impressive first year duo instead of Hinata and Kageyama.” You rubbed his shoulder. “I know, baby. You remind me of that at least once a month.”
.・゜-: ✧ :- -: ✧ :-゜・.
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⇾ he would get deep ⇾ talks about his childhood where he was bullied to where he is now ⇾ while he has his insecurities, he would still be very proud of himself and how far he’s come and everything he accomplished ⇾ on the topic of being proud, he would never pass up the opportunity to talk up his bff ushi and he would hype him up even though it’s just the two of you ⇾ he wouldn’t forget about the other third years aka his other ‘best friends’ (i use quotes bc he only has eyes for ushi lezbehonest) ⇾ the talk would shift over to you and how lucky he feels to have found you ⇾ half of the things he would say would just to get you all embarrassed and shy so he could tease you about it
You woke up an hour ago because when you went to snuggle with your boyfriend, his body was missing from bed. For the last hour, he talked to you about how much he’s grown over the years, not once stopping to let you say anything. You finally had enough of this monologue. “Satori, how much more can you possibly say? It’s been a whole ass hour. Get your ass to bed so I can snuggle with you and lemme sleep.” Sighing, he walked away from the window where he was using the light from the moon to set the mood of his speech. Getting into bed, he waited until you were satisfied and closed your eyes. “But also, Wakatoshi has gotten so far on his own. I couldn’t be more proud of my best friend.” “Satori, please. For the love of God.” “Babe, you gotta let me air this out. Good communication and all that.” “We don’t have a single problem that needs to be ‘aired out’ right now. I got work in the morning and you like the sound of your own voice.” That still didn’t stop him. “And Semi, I gotta hand it to him, the man finally learned how to dress properly. And his music isn’t that bad either so I gotta find something new to annoy him with now. Reon is still keeping his fighting spirit alive and playing volleyball too. My friends, all doing so well.” Tendou glanced down at you who had fallen asleep to his heart beats. “But you. I’m the most proud of you. I’m so lucky to have found you. Not that I needed someone in my life at the time, but all the happiness you’ve given me on top of the great things in my life. You’re an amazing person, and I appreciate the impact you’ve made in my life.”
.・゜-: ✧ :- -: ✧ :-゜・.
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⇾ before we start with semisemi, he plays bass and sings in his band but he also plays the piano and guitar (these are MY OWN hcs, none of this is canon) ⇾ that being said, he would stay up late at night playing his guitar, working on songs and quietly singing lyrics to himself ⇾ his talks would be about purpose - like why he’s on this earth similar to hinata ⇾ aha ha ha so if yall read kuroo’s, you know how i feel about scorpios ⇾ semi babe is not safe from that either ⇾ while he is bad at opening up, he also has a short temper so expect apologies for his random outbursts from him ⇾ imma touch on this more in my semi relationship hcs so i shall stop here
You had been on your computer, finishing up some work of yours that you had been procrastinating on with Semi sitting on the couch, strumming his guitar as he worked on a new song. You hadn’t been paying attention the entire time, not until you closed your laptop and sat back in your chair. “Eita, what’s that song?” Your sudden question caused him to jump a little. “Oh, uh, I didn’t realize you were listening.” “I just heard you singing. What is that?” He rubbed the nape of his neck. “I was hoping to hold out until it was finished.” You walked over to him, draping your arms around his shoulders and leaning your weight on him. You read the lyrics he had so far, your eyes growing bigger with each line. “What… is this?” “An apology.” You pulled away from him. “I know I’m not the easiest boyfriend and that when I have a problem, I should say something rather than exploding on you over the littlest thing. I didn’t really know how else to express this without messing it all up.” “I’ve known you for a long time, I wouldn’t be with you if I didn’t figure that much out.” “But still, it doesn’t mean that I should just stay this way. I should be growing with you as a person, not stuck how I am. I really do need to learn to express myself better.” You let out a small chuckle. “Like I haven’t heard that one before.” You had. Four times already. “And this will be the last. Thank you for putting up with me.” Your arms wrapped around him once again. “Next time, I expect an entire album with love songs dedicated to me. Got it?” “Well fuck, I better not mess up. I don’t have enough material for an entire love album.” You shoved him. “Hey! Maybe I will leave your sorry ass.” “I’m just kidding! Babe! Where are you going?!”
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squarefriend · 4 years ago
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Alrighty how about 14 with Mettaton and 9 with Toriel?
This is a long ass post, so buckle up buttercups >:)
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So, if you really think about it, Mettaton IS a robot now. He fused with his body, considering he can die in Stabby Stabby/Nuetral routes. Robots can’t absorb alcohol, therefore they can’t get drunk.
Now, the argument could be made that he just absorbs the magic that makes up the drink then sends it to his power core, like an organic body. The that funky drunky flow intoxicates him.... But that also contradicts my personal head cannons on how Metta’s body works.
I’ll make this brief (if that’s possible in a post of this length lMAO), but how I think that MTT gets his power is either through electricity or, in a worst case scenario, gasoline mixed with magic. While I believe he can eat and drink monster food, it’s stored in an internal compartment before being broken down into manageable magic chunks over a series of several days. So, alcoholic beverages would give him at most a buzz over the course of like a couple of days.
That being said, there’s hope!!!
Remember when I said that I headcannon Metta runs on gasoline if he can’t get any electricity? Well, the means he can switch between which tank he’s drawing from. And, there is a type of gasoline made with a base of Ethanol! Which is the compound used to make drinks alcoholic! Therefore, the alcohol would be going to his core at the rate needed to actually get drunk.
Which means, if he wants to be drunk he can just switch into gasoline mode and slip into whatever tipsy needs he has! As long as he’s filled up on ethanol!
Now I’m not saying that this was found out by complete accident with Alphys testing out a new fuel type but.....
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That’s exactly what I’m saying.
But!!! Yall didn’t come here to hear about Mettaton’s autonomy, so let’s talk about his drunken habits!!
I like to think he doesn’t drink often, mostly because of the aforementioned not actually realizing he could till he was on the surface. But, some of the best examples of how he is in a drunken state would probably be back when he was a ghost.
It was probably some rough times back then. Shyren’s sister had just fallen down, and it’s inplied the cousins are rather close with the family. Add in a healthy dose of dysphoria and yearning for a greater audience- no, purpose... It must’ve been rough for Metta.
Mabey to cope, the cousins invested in some ghost ale?
I like to think when buzzed, Mettaton is just a (somehow) more confident and showy version of himself. Just with less motor control and a higher chance of making impulsive decisions.
Once we pass into drunk territory... things start getting more emotional. There will be tears. Probably a lot of them. He’s very emotional and can and will state his mind. Heartfelt confessions might happen, rivalries may happen, or he may just tell you what you already know.
If the cousins cracked open a cold one.... Well.... That may of been the first indications (aside from behavior they’d picked up but not said anything about) of what was really on Metta’s mind. About how desperate he was.
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Metta didn’t remember it in the morning. Blookie never told him what they talked about. It was never spoken of again.
Ok!! On a slightly higher note: Toriel!
I’ve always seen Toriel as having a very smooth sounding, mezzo soprano voice. It’s nothing remarkable. She doesn’t belt often, she doesn’t have much of a verbrato, she just sounds like your normal 50ish woman who sings abit too much in the car. But, her voice is warm and soft and perfect to fall asleep too, especially when a smile gets in the way of her vowels.
She sings fairly often, probably the most in the main cast (aside Mettaton and MABEY Papyrus). Be it in the car, or when she has too much to drink, or when singing a lullaby to her kids.
I’ll start with lullabies since I believe they’d be the most personal to her.
We don’t know exactly when the monster human war happened, but I’m of the belief that it happened sometime in the Middle Ages, which would place Toriel’s childhood in medieval times. While she wasn’t born there, I also think both Toriel and Asgore’s families hail from Ireland. Her mother would sing to her every night, sometimes mixing in ancient tales of wild beasts and faeries.
It’s a sentiment she’s passed down to her own children.
Albeit, she changed a few lyrics or scenes in the stories to make them less terrifying, besides when she was caring for some of the older souls. There may also be a touch more happy endings than there were in the older days, and mabey a couple more injuries instead of deaths. But for the most part, they stay the same.
The pieces she dare not change though, are the ones she sings in Gaelic.
Frisk hasn’t learned the language (yet), so Toriel finds no need to change any details to such relics. Plus, they have a lot more of an emotional connection than most of her other songs or stories. Her eldest two children were incredibly fond of them
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(Also the song I used for these doodles is called Bó na leath-adhairce (One Horned Cow). The woman who sings it (Muireann Nic Amhlaoibh) sounds a lot like how I imagine Toriel sounding. But like. With a lot more vocal training. She still sounds like she’s singing through a smile and I love it)
On a much more fun note, let’s talk about Toriel’s drinking songs!
So, this doesn’t happen often, but if the moods right and Toriel’s had JUST enough to drink.... She might attempt to start up a drinking song with whatever crowd she’s got around her. She doesn’t know many songs, and she only half remembers the rest, but goddamn it if she’s not gonna try it.
It’s awful. Any recognizable lyrics are either slurred, butchered, or in a language no one else can understand.
But she looks like she’s having so much fun, no one ever tries to stop her.
Hell, some people might even join in, if there’s been enough to drink in the house. If that happens, and if she’s feeling confident enough, Tori might even get up and dance a little bit, dragging whomever she pleases in as well. If she’s drunk enough to start singing like this in public, then she’s definitely drunk enough to do some dances.
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Mostly though, she just sticks to lullabies.
As for the second part of this prompt, it’s a lot simpler than all of the rest of this post. Toriel enjoys most music, especially the choral verity. She’ll let anything on the radio, so long as it’s appropriate when Frisk’s in the car.
Her favorite genres though, are Classical, Folk, and Celtic. They were the styles she grew up with and remains fond of to this day. They bring back a feeling of Nostalgia without too many memories, just how she likes it. She also quite enjoys Operas, and plans on taking Frisk to see one once she gets the hang of the internet.
She used to adore ballroom music and waltzes but....
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Now they just bring back Memories she’d rather not have.
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bibbykins · 5 years ago
Text
Heliophilic Rain and His Pluviophile (M)
Yikes, it’s been a hot minute. That’s my bad. I have been having it a little rough with my job and so I’m in the process of finding another one and that among a billion other things is slowing me down. Which makes me wonder if I were to open commissions if anyone would be interested? I also would like to add there is a scene that could be triggering so proceed with caution, please. Either way, thank you for your patience as always, and I hope you enjoy!
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Pairing: (Soft) Yandere! Yoongi x Reader Genre: Smut/Fluff
Word Count: 8.5k
Warnings: possessiveness, yandere tendencies, anxiety, unspoken threat of sexual assault, slight violence, oral, penetrative sex, cock warming, toxic relationship (he's yandere ya kno)
Summary: He was the rain just as you were the sun, both too transfixed with watching each other to get any closer. Few things feel more refreshing than drops of fresh rain on heated skin or the warmth of the sun on a gloomy day. It would be a shame to not indulge in the natural wonders of the world before you.
“Her voice was like the wind. I could listen until it was all that filled me. I could listen until she swept me away into the vast ocean of her presence. I would drown if it meant I would drift back to her. Her voice was like the wind. No matter how much I tried to catch it, I would get carried away. Suddenly, I wasn’t in Kansas anymore. Suddenly, home was wherever she said it was, so long as she did so with that voice of hers.”
“His voice was like the tap of rain against a window. He was asking me to go out to see him, but there was something beautiful about the way I knew he wasn’t referring to me specifically. I was a mere onlooker to his presence. Even so, I would catch a cold if it meant I could reach him, even for a moment. I thought this, knowing I would never have the guts to go outside. I made peace with this until the taps on my window turned into knocks on my door.”
——-
The office had an industrial-chic style about it, filled with neutral tones and the clanging of chains for no other purpose except fashion donned upon its employees. The color palette was gloomy and soothing, just how Yoongi liked it, an aesthetic that his employees gleefully shared with him as well. Each morning, Yoongi would look out his office and admire his growing business, eyes never lingering on one place too long, he loved all of the office equally. This much rang true until he couldn’t tear his eyes away from your form.
“She’s like a breath of fresh air, isn’t she?” Hoseok placed his hand on Yoongi’s soldier as he watched you through the glass doors of the conference room you were currently introducing yourself in, “Don’t be too hard on her, she’s competent and hardworking, okay?” 
Yoongi could barely hear his friend as he lost himself in the way your eyes crinkled from a genuine smile adorning your face. You were his new host to one of the podcasts his company picked up. From the merger with Hoseok’s company full of his college friends, Yoongi went from popular podcast host and semi-popular producer to a CEO of Min Productions, famous music artists in production and performance,  who oversaw the production of music and several podcasts on several topics, and you were what he had initially dreaded.
From the merger, came money, but what also came with it was Namjoon, the PR head of the company Hoseok was a part of, being able to choose one of every five talents for Yoongi to build up, hopefully into fame. Yoongi had just reached his fifth host, the podcasts he chose mostly consisting of music commentary or general life talks from people with aesthetics aligned with his own. However, from the sea of neutral colors and low voices partaking in casual conversation came you.
You were a perky college senior with some light in your eyes still. You were a rare find and had no set style ranging anywhere from pastels to the grunge he was used to seeing, but what never changed was your smile. Your teeth made an appearance at least 10 times a day, judging by the third smile you had just flashed the crew in a two-minute time frame.
Your podcast, however, oddly betrayed your attitude. You ran a sex and lifestyle podcast where you asked questions most people were too shy to throw out into the world pertaining to the unspoken social rules of casual dating and sex. It was interesting, yes, but it didn’t align with the brand Yoongi had been building judging by the synopsis. 
The fuss he made to Namjoon ended as soon as he sat down and listened to a podcast of yours. 
—–
“I have a formal complaint I would like to file!” You proclaimed as Yoongi found himself listening to your most recent podcast, “Why the fuck can’t I get a sugar daddy my age? It’s almost like… like my age demographic consists mostly of broke-ass college kids living with their parents, in a dorm, or like ya girl, an overpriced apartment and not rich as fuck for no reason. Fucking whack, I’ll say it.” He unwittingly cracked a smile at your charm and sarcasm, “I spent one day on sugarbaby.com and had to watch vanilla straight porn at the number of wrinkly dicks I saw instead of profile pictures. That’s like the most boring porn. So here comes a Patreon plug for the brainwashing I will conduct on myself in case I saw anyone’s grandfather’s penis.” You had an unabashed charm about you that urged him to listen more, maybe just one more episode.
Yoongi found himself listening to your entire discography, even the less promoted music you released once every blue moon, which wasn’t half-bad. However, he couldn’t find a picture of you, most likely because you posted under the alias Sugar Sun. The only pictures of yourself being from behind.
“On this episode of men are trash: men are fucking trash. Hello all, Sugar Sun here, and let’s talk about my day,” Yoongi could feel his intrigue grow, as you kept releasing, your delivery became less forced and more natural, “I don’t talk much in class, believe it or not. I’m a stuttering mess and like two people know my name at my big ass university, so when I do talk and my shit hole of a lab partner yells at me in the middle of a presentation to speak up, I cry, in front of the class. But do I stop the presentation? No, I’m fucking frozen with fear, so I just continue with my tears and the presentation. Bitch, what the fuck I looked like a middle school drama kid doing a monologue in front of her math class for no fucking reason.” You took a deep breath, “In conclusion, I’m sensitive and men are trash. Now, to the podcast.”
You had gained more traction with your commentary on romantic life and general comedy, catching Namjoon’s attention, “Hello again, double S here, with a special announcement. I got like, an actual company to sign me! Wild, I know! I’ll get paid and have meet-ups and stuff, which means you lovely listeners will get to soak in my face and talk to me in person and really experience why the only orgasms I’ve had are self-made!”
—–
“Yoongi!” Hoseok tapped his shoulder, snapping him out of his trance you put him in.
“Sorry, she’s just-”
“Be nice,” Hoseok warned.
“Like sunshine.” Yoongi could feel the air enter his lungs as you sat down with a smile, “Like, what the fuck, Hobi?” 
His friend blinked, “Woah, shit, what?” He stifled a laugh, “You know, there isn’t a no-dating policy, right?”
“I’m well aware.” Yoongi rolled his eyes, “But there will be if anyone tries anything.” He spoke nonchalantly and Hoseok choked on air at his friend’s obliviousness while the glass doors of the conference rooms were opened, you pouring out from it, waltzing to Yoongi and Hoseok.
“Hello, Mr. Min and Ho-Mr. Jung, I’m Y/n, or Sugar Sun, thank you for this amazing opportunity.” You bowed as Hoseok shook off his bewilderment for just a moment to give you a small bow with Yoongi.
“I look forward to spending more time with you.” Yoongi spoke in his regular gruff voice, the same one that proclaimed to have your hand in marriage just moments before, “I find you’ll be a breath of fresh air to the company.”
“I also look forward to seeing how your podcasts go, you have a photoshoot in a couple weeks, right?” Hoseok smiled warmly at you as you beamed back to him. Yoongi swore the whole exchange was blinding.
“I do! I’m a little nervous, since it’ll be my big face reveal, and I don’t know how well I model.” You giggled and Yoongi found his new favorite song the moment you did.
Yoongi had a tendency to do this, whether or not he wanted to. He was a passionate man. He craved love and could see it coming from a mile away. Despite being one of the seven main heartthrobs of his college campus, he almost exclusively stuck to serious relationships, and he meant it when he said serious. Yoongi was a little, to put it lightly, obsessive. He was a jealous boyfriend, but he did his best to try not to be too overbearing. He was also excessively protective, and the women he dated were grungy free spirits who enjoyed the chase when all Yoongi wanted was to catch them then hold them for the rest of his life. Despite being blinded by his own passion, he could still see when it wasn’t going to last, having accepted to never find a girl to accommodate and sedate him when needed. However, when you looked his way, or he heard your voice, it was something more than a need being filled.
You felt your heart leap out of his chest, trying not to fall into Yoongi’s hands when you first saw him, and here he was, nonchalantly giving you an inkling of a smile. Maybe it was the lack of a solid fuck or a relationship, but you were definitely breaking some HR rules in your mind.
Suddenly, you became aware of the content you dished out. You talked about your sex life often, and he knows you’re inexperienced and terribly horny. You internally punched yourself in the face. He probably thinks you’re so weird. Yet, here you were, a huge fan of Agust D and now Min Yoongi was staring at you.
Yoongi smiled, “Don’t worry, I’ve had my experience with a face reveal or two.”
You returned his smile, remembering the day Agust D revealed his face. The whole world stopped, and you only fell deeper when you looked at his eyes, “I-I remember, I’m a fan.” You looked down shyly before facing him again.
“Funny, I am a fan of yours.” He spoke lowly as Hoseok had long walked away unnoticed.
You giggled stupidly, “A fan?” Your sunny smile beamed at him. He had always preferred rainy days, but if this was what the sun looked like, he could get used to being a little warm here and there, “I can hardly believe it.”
“I’m gone a lot and yet, your voice has a certain factor to it that draws people in. ” He mused as his eyes trapped you, “I wonder where you’ve been all my life.”
Just like that, the bubble popped. The chimes came to a screeching halt. The rose-tinted glasses were abruptly ripped off of your face. The magic cleared, and you were left with the realization that while you had damn near counted every interaction, no matter how minuscule, and he hadn’t cared to remember you until now.
“Here’s my personal cell,” He hands you a pristine card with silver numbers, “Call me if you need anything, and I mean it.” You take the card with a quaint smile that deflates
He’s never noticed you until now, of course. The answer to his thoughts was that you’ve been right here.
Before Yoongi could register the chill in the air without your smile, Hoseok came back, “Hey Yoongs, let’s go, we got a flight in a few hours.“ 
“Right.” Yoongi breaks eye contact with you.
“Have a good flight!” You smile, not as wide as before, and Yoongi sees it.
“See you Tuesday, y/n!” Hoseok waves.
“Don’t be late!” You giggle and as soon as they both are out of earshot, Yoongi grills him.
“You know her?!” Yoongi snaps as he enters the town car.
Hoseok blinks at him, confused, “Duh? I thought that was a given.” Upon seeing his friend’s puzzled face remain, Hoseok’s eyes went wide, “Holy shit, you don’t remember her?!”
The older male blinked in confusion, “I’ve never met her before?”
The younger businessman threw his head back as he placed his hands over his face in frustration, “She was in our forensics class and our history class last year’s fall semester and the year before!” He was exasperated, “Remember the super genius sophomore?”
Yoongi racked his brain. Last year? He had been dating some angsty theology major. How could he have let himself be blinded by a temporary fling when the love of his life was right there? He could kick himself at this moment. No wonder your smile faltered, you had remembered him, “Liar, you can’t be serious.”
“Dude, she tutors me to this day in history.” Hoseok deadpanned, “All she requires is I buy her meals that day.”
“How often do you guys have study dates?” Yoongi grits out as his friend snorts at the notion of it being a date.
“Your possessive is showing,” He snickered, “My girl is all I can see these days, no matter how cute y/n is.”
“I will end you if you touch her,” Yoongi doesn’t hesitate, “Especially with the way you treat girls,” His face scrunches in disgust before he grumbled, “But how often?”
“Every other Tuesday.” Hoseok smirked, “And you mean used to treat girls.” 
Yoongi huffed in agreeance.
—-
“Hello, party people.” Your voice entered Yoongi’s headphones as he leaned back on his hotel bed, “Sugar Sun here, in my bedroom. We’re calm, we’re casual, it is a Friday night and this one goes out to my fellow homebodies.” You switched off to play a song. Part of the contract you signed was that you are allowed to go live whenever you liked to encourage and tend to fans. You explained it was almost a tradition for you to set aside a Friday night in once a month for your fans and Yoongi found in comforting as he lay alone. 
Your taste in music was so unbelievably cute, he couldn’t help but smile at the lo-fi song, “And we’re back, hello all here and all who are joining as I speak. Today I took a tour of the studio my actual podcasts will be recorded in and holy shit, they seem to actually take me seriously as a personality and even artist, so expect some tunes soon.” Yoongi smiled at this, you don’t even know your potential, “I’m looking at the chat now to see if there are any questions, and- oh, yes, I did meet my boss. Yes, the iconic Min Yoongi. He is as dreamy as they say, but I have actually met him before.” Yoongi sunk a little further in shame, “Did he remember me?” You read from the chat, “No, of course not. I’m a voice, but no one will know me if I don’t use it.” You sighed out and he felt his heart clench. He was such a fucking idiot. “Which I don’t much beyond this mic. Am I scared to say this now that he’s my boss?” He held his breath a bit, “No, I doubt he’s listening. He said he was my fan, but he could just have said that to be a nice guy.” You laughed, a hint of sadness evident, “What a fucking disaster I must seem like if he were to, huh?” The sadness in your voice more prominent, “If he is, hi Mr. Min, please erase this from your memory, as well as my sophomore haircut.” 
The live went on as normal and Yoongi drifted to sleep to the melodious sound of your voice for the remainder of the flight. However, even in his dreams, you were just out of reach, and he couldn’t begin to put into words how much it killed him.
—-
You don’t know how you got here. You looked around at the shabby setup. This "photography studio” looked a lot, and you mean a lot, like it was a half-assed school set not long ago. You scoffed, throwing your hands up incredulously when you caught sight of a black couch. You really hated your manager.
The jackass was assigned to you and you were too scared to say how uncomfortable he made you. He treated you like a child, but the way he looked at you was too adult for your taste. He was constantly texting you and asking for photos of your face, which you were constantly rejecting. To top it all off, he wants you to call him Big Brother, not Oppa, Big Brother. You opted for Big Bro instead, since he won’t give you his name. No, to top it all off, he booked your photo shoot with a “friend” of his to “save the company money”. He asked you to show up in a dress no longer than your knees and you felt dumber and dumber as time went on for doing so. 
You stood in the middle of this studio-warehouse apartment waiting for this great photographer to show up. As you stood here, your initial thought was “how fucking ridiculous is that” but the longer you were there and the more you studied the ropes that were no longer as well hid, something in your stomach began to turn.
You were in actual fucking danger. This situation could not be a funny story if you didn’t live to tell it. Your eyes darted from different red flags in the room. A spot of dried blood scratches on the cheap wallpaper, bare plaster marks against the beige wall, a poorly-concealed camera you hadn’t noticed until now. Your chest squeezed when your phone vibrated. 
You could get out of here! All you had to do was send an SOS.
Hoseok: Good luck in the photoshoot from my other half and I! 
You smiled lovingly at the snapchat from the male, the more permanent girl in his life with a smile on her face and an encouraging thumbs-up. They were evidently on a date, finally, so there was no way you could call them to come get you. You would hate to bother them.
Mr. Min: Let me know how the shoot goes. 
You faltered over the message. He was professional as ever. Would he think less of you if you abandoned a shoot like this?
Yoongi agonized over the three dots that stared him down. He had to remind himself to blink as he watched the minutes tick by that felt like hours. What the hell were you typing?
It had been about a couple of weeks since you’ve been under Yoongi’s company and all had been normal. Your routine was the same, and so was his. Except for this time, you two would exchange polite texts on what the other would do.
Sugar Sun: Great song as always!
You would always send exclamation points or some sparkle emojis, even a sun here and there. Yoongi found himself unable to shield his cheesy grin at the texts you sent him. You were always the first person to praise his new work. He found himself craving your praise more and more, but he forced himself to remain professional.
Mr. Min: Loved your live.
He always used punctuation despite using fragments which somehow added an aura of professionalism that he effortlessly radiated in person. Nevertheless, you would always send back a sparkly thank you which made Yoongi melt. He prided himself on not overstepping boundaries by attempting to control your professional life. His self-restraint proved quite strong as he held himself back from taking you out to lunch or giving you special treatment. This restraint was put to the ultimate test when he found out you were assigned Hyungin as your manager. He was an unfortunate employee with constant reports that would ultimately be rescinded by the female employees.
He was a disgusting piece of shit, Yoongi deduced. Hyungin was the brother of the management agency contracted by his company, per Namjoon’s damn insistence,  and he was itching for that contract to end, and soon. Yoongi had to physically hold himself back when he found this information out, trying to respect you by not meddling or keeping tabs on you.
His resolve was a very thin string that was tugged and tugged as the days went on with Hyungin having total control over your schedule and an excuse to contact you 24/7. You were a strong girl and had not made a report. He had to respect that. 
Your lip began to twitch, a movement you quickly halted as you shook the fear off. Maybe you were overreacting. Maybe you were being stuck up. You weren’t like Yoongi, maybe you had to photoshoot in shabby places.
You: I’m kind of scared…
You shook your head, erasing the message and locking your phone. You huffed, it was 30 minutes past the scheduled time. Surely you had the right to leave? You heard the back door open and could feel the bile lurch in your throat.
Something was very wrong. You were not overreacting. There were several heavy footsteps and as they thudded through the warehouse, nearing your reaching form, you could not deny the quaking fear that traveled through your veins like electricity.
One? Two? No, four sets of steps. The uneven rhythm proved as much, too many for a measly photoshoot. Too many for you to take on all at once. The correct amount to hold you down. The correct amount to-
“Little sis, are you here?” A sickening voice called out and you realized the steps stopped with only his continuing. 
He was trying to surprise you. 
“Come on, dear, let’s get to know each other.” You could hear the predatory smirk on his face and you choked on a horrified breath as the fear pricked your skin and pierced your lungs.
You were choking on your own horror.
“Come out, come out,” He called and you were frozen, absolutely fucking frozen. 
Run.
You stood up, breaking into a sprint that was a hair too slow. You felt a calloused, obscenely rough handgrip your forearm with a vigorous force and you screamed. He was squeezing, and at this rate, your bones would surely snap, “Not so fast, little girl.” He stood next to you, breath pungent with halitosis. From peripheral vision, you could see his five o'clock shadow and you realized the size difference and the lack of camera. You couldn’t stop screaming, mimicking every cell in your body that seemed to yell,
RUN.
Just like lightning, you struck him with your head, harder than you knew you could stand. His nose gave you an all too satisfying crack and his grip loosened enough for you sprint again, this time more than quick enough to keep going. You heard the clamoring of footsteps and eventually, all you could hear was the sound of the wind as you turned corners you had no familiarity with, running until your legs could no longer carry you. 
Your legs finally shook you down to your knees in a part of town you barely recognized. You had passed through here once before as a freshman in college sight-seeing. It was a tourist spot and you exhaled on the sidewall as people stepped around you.
You heaved a breath that you swore you had been holding for hours with a small victorious smile. Your eyes scanned the area of regular people and your hands shaking brought attention to the purse you thankfully still had.
Without thought, you ripped it open, using your phone to call the first person you could.
“Y/n?” His voice was gruff, as if he was whispering whilst trying to talk normally, “Is everything okay?” He seemed confused, you had never called him before.
“Can you… uh…” You faltered after realizing the strangled sound you made, voice raw from the screams you let out, “…please come get me.” You nearly whispered.
“Send me your location, I’m on my way.” Yoongi didn’t miss a beat before adding, “Stay where you are, don’t go near anyone.” He ended the phone call and you followed his directions, dropping your pin. You sighed in relief as you took refuge on the sidewalk, draping the cardigan in your bag over your shoulder, securing it around yourself.
Yoongi shot up from his office chair, looking at his employees mid-powerpoint. His marketing team turned into ice at his gaze. His eyes were much darker than a moment ago, and his jaw was like stone, “I have an emergency to attend to, we will proceed at a later date.” The room nodded stiffly as their boss walked out, all of them unaware why, having been too scared to even try to listen to his phone call.
Never in Yoongi’s life had he sped so recklessly. You were 10 minutes away and something was wrong. Your voice had never sounded so vulnerable. He had never heard it that quiet before. You were in a plaza of popular building, and if you had a photo shoot today, this would not be near any studio at all. His blood boiled at the thought of anyone taking away your light.
He slammed on the brakes when he caught sight of your shrunken form on the sidewalk, your head jerked up at the sound as your entire body jumped. Why were you so scared? Your face had a small streak of makeup on the side of your face and his skin only flared as you scurried into the car and Yoongi began driving to a more familiar side of town.
“Please don’t take me home.” You pleaded, unable to face him due to the shame.
Yoongi chose not to prod, for the time being, only nodding in response as he drove. He could see you stare out the window at the passing building and he watched your shaking for curl into the car seat. He settled on this resolve of leaving you alone all the way up to the inside of his apartment until your lip quivered as you plopped down on the couch, eyes unwavering from its spot at your feet. Then, you began to cry. No, not cry, sob, sob your hardest and just like that, a single tear snapped the ever-thinning string of restraint he had left.
You were pulled into Yoongi’s chest as sobs racked through your body, you clutched his shirt as you soaked it with tears of fear, relief, joy, and you couldn’t stop. Hell, you could barely breathe. Even so, Yoongi held you as his expensive dress shirt crumbled under your grip and stained with your mascara and eyeliner proving not to be as water-resistant as you hoped. His grip was unwavering and when a hand went to stroke your hair, you could feel oxygen reach your lungs again. 
“It’s okay.” He breathed, “You’re safe now.” He fought the urge to clench his jaw again as you gripped his shirt harder.
Your breathing began to even as he whispered soft words into your ear until your eyes couldn’t cry anymore. The both of you stood there for what felt like an eternity, clinging onto one another as he felt the softness of your cardigan against his hands. You eventually broke the silence with a meek, “I’m so sorry." 
"Why is that?” He spoke softly, his last intent was to scare you.
“I ran away from the shoot, and I know it’s not professional but…” You shivered, “ He didn’t have a camera.” Yoongi could kill somebody, “He had three other guys with him.” Someone, no, all of them are going to have to pay, he concluded. Nobody involved would leave the ordeal with their lives intact. They would lose everything for trying to take his sunshine away, for making your light falter, for even a moment.
He ripped himself from you, to sternly meet your eyes, “Do not apologize for the swine you encountered.” Your eyes only reflected sorrow, “You’re alive, and that is what matters most, okay?” You nodded.
“You’re not mad at me?” Your voice cracked against your will as you looked up at Yoongi, eyes glassy and begging for reassurance.
He visibly softened, “No, Sunshine, I could never be mad at you.” You nodded in understanding, “But will you let me fix this for you?”
Maybe you should have known from the beginning. You looked at Yoongi, so eager to be your saving grace, eyes intense with intent, and yet his touch was so soft. A man in love was a dangerous man, you once read in a book. Yet, never in your life have you craved such a man before, and if Yoongi’s rage mixed with infatuation could measure close to love, you would take it. He was powerful, he was kind, and he was pleasing to the eye. He was offering you the world in that one question.
“Please.” You cast your pride aside, “They don’t deserve mercy.” An angry tear went down your cheek, “I’m so tired of trying to brave it, doubting myself, denying myself any chance of help.” You could feel the tear trickle with hot fury, “I’m so fucking sick of relying on myself.”
Yoongi was quick to catch the tear with the softest hand you’ve ever felt, “I’m here now.” He spoke with the utmost confidence.
Your relationship with Yoongi from that point for the next couple of months was interesting, to say the least. You had somehow moved in upon his request, him rationalizing it by saying they knew where you lived. Granted, he wasn’t wrong. Hyungin knew where you lived, but within two weeks he and the monsters you encountered were promptly locked in a very dangerous maximum-security prison. You decided not to dwell on how they took such a shitty deal with a well-deserved long sentence. 
Some things were above your pay grade, and you made peace with it.
Even so, he didn’t stop there. He could no longer stand on the sidelines anymore. That line blurred beyond recognition the moment he held you in his arms. He was essentially your new manager, stating he owed you at least that much after letting you fall into the hands of such a monster. Thankfully, the releasing of official statements and press conferences were received well. The victim-blaming for the nature of your podcast kept to an obsolete minimum. Your face still had not been released upon your request and you were able to move on, the media no longer covering the story as the sentencing was sealed.
The months passed in a flurry of Yoongi being awfully vague each time you asked about his personal life. He was constantly home outside of work, which you didn’t mind, but you didn’t want him to put his social life on your accord. You also had much less confidence in his infatuation for you then you did a couple months ago. Every time you tried to make a move, which meant a small brush of physical contact, he was not responding. The last time he gave you affection was the hug during your breakdown. The most you got out of him were a couple of head pats.
Like that did anything for you.
For crying out loud, you ran a sex and lifestyle podcast with no sex from the hot man you lived in the same home as.
Hell, the most emotion you see from him is the purest politeness you have ever encountered.
“Hello my listeners, welcome to the obligatory virginity talk.” Your voice was crisp in the mic as Yoongi laid in his bed, headphones in, listening to the newly released podcast. He was still a loyal listener, despite you living in his guest bedroom. He still could not get enough of your voice. If anything, he craved you more and desperately held himself back. He loved having you with him, but never did he think he would have to turn to rubbing one out during your more racy episodes or when he heard you pleasuring yourself in the dead of night. 
Not even his thoughts could satiate him with you right there, and yet, out of reach.
“It has come to my attention that many of you think I’m a virgin, not that it’s an insult..” He could hear the smile in your voice, “Alas, I am not, but that doesn’t change my hand being the most impressive thing my pussy has seen, I’ll tell you what.” You giggled at this, “No, I take that back, my magic wand is my BFF.” Yoongi shifted, wondering if you had your toys in your room. He had sent for all of your things after all. God, he could already feel his dick hardening. How pathetic you make him at the very thought of you fucking yourself silly, eyes rolled back, vibrator against your clit. He huffed, shaking away the thoughts, “ Anyhow, let’s talk trends I am late to, rare, I know, but what’s this whole spelling coconut with your hips riding someone business?” You pondered, “I haven’t ridden someone in a good while, and my dildo can’t tell me if it feels good, so I’m at a loss here.” You sighed almost longingly, “God, I miss getting fucked, but also romanced,” You groaned, “It’s been a rough as fuck dry couple of months, which didn’t bother me for a while considering… you know, but the world keeps turning and I stay alone but moving on…” You droned and Yoongi went into overdrive.
Did you seriously want to fuck someone? Like someone else? You were living with him now, why would you feel the need to have relations with anyone else? His fists clenched at the very concept. You couldn’t be talking for show, you were say too genuine. Before he could even stop himself, he marched over to his bedroom door, ripping it open.
Only when he did had did he realize that you were in front of him, hand raised to knock on the door, “Oh, hey.” You gave him a smile as you slowly retreated your raised arm, “I was just gonna see if you wanted to watch a movie with me?” Every so often you both would have a movie night in which you would try to understand his feelings with small touches and ultimately fail. Nevertheless, you enjoyed his company. Today, you were buying into an article’s advice and watching a scary one. Not that you were terrified, but you were a jumpy person. 
At this rate, you couldn’t tell if you were horny or just wanted affection.
Both, probably.
Your crush on Yoongi had only worsened throughout this whole experience to top it off. He was hot and kind who could blame you? And yet, he never made a single move as if he had no interest. God, what if he didn’t have any interest?
Your heart sank for a moment, “If not, I think I was gonna try to go out-”
“No!” Your eyes widened at Yoongi’s panicked tone when he cleared his throat, “I mean, I want to watch a movie, so you don’t have to go out.” He muttered and you nodded slowly. He could not have you going out, not after what he heard. You were craving other people. He couldn’t bear the thought.
“O…kay…” You smiled a bit, “Well, I picked a scary one if you think you can hang.” You gave him a sly smile before going to make popcorn. 
He smiled as he watched you prance to the kitchen. You were so beautiful and fun and everything he’s ever needed. All that was left was for you to be his, but he didn’t want to scare you away. He had to be a gentleman. He had to wait for the right time. That’s what Jin, Jimin, Jungkook, and Taehyung said. The only issue was that he had no idea what the hell that meant.
“You know, Mr. Min-”
“Yoongi.” He was quick as ever to correct you, “Please.” He sounded more desperate than usual and you nodded.
“Right, well I was just going to say that you have absurd taste in snacks.” You said with a chuckle, “All I ever see in you cupboards are coffee.” You wistfully sigh, “I need to go grocery shopping.”
The sound of you being so domestic-made Yoongi break into an ill-concealed smile as he settled onto the sofa, setting the oddly scary movie you chose up, “I can take you on Saturday.” You nodded when you finally found a bag of chips and sat next to the man of your affection with a cushion between the two of you.
You really couldn’t say what the movie was about, you had only seen it between the gaps in your fingers all while Yoongi watched it with a straight face. When it ended he said a short goodnight as always, except something in you, lurched out. 
“Actually, I think I may go out after all.” You swore you followed your mouth’s lead as opposed to the opposite. You just said shit and had to go along with it. Fuck, you didn’t want to go out. You wanted to stay home and be scared that there was a ghost in the closet, but now you had to get ready and shit.
“Why?” Yoongi stopped, hand gripping his door handle much harder than usual. 
You were taken aback by the question. It was valid, you supposed. But was it? How do you even answer that question? “Well, it’s been a while since I've… ya know…” You clicked your tongue, suddenly too shy to say,
“Had sex?” It was so blunt, and his eyes pierced through you and yet, you could feel your core tingle.
You were nothing but a sputtering mess, “W-W, I-I, Mr. Min-”
“Yoongi, y/n.” He spoke through gritted teeth as he stalked over to you. Despite the unconscious steps back you were taking, the couch brought you to an abrupt stop.
“R-Right, anyways, I-” You shut your mouth when Yoongi hovered over you with his presence alone.
“Say it,” He glared daggers into your form, “Say my name.” Before you could even open your mouth Yoongi groaned, slamming his hands on the couch on either side of you in frustration, “God, why do you want other people when I’m right fucking here?” Your mouth was agape at this, “I’m so sick of holding myself back.” He cursed, body pressing against yours.
“What do you mean? Other people?” You mustered and Yoongi let out a chuckle void of humor.
“I listened to your podcast about wanting to be with someone and getting romance and…” Yoongi seriously thought you had been referring to anyone but him? Him? Seriously? The hot man in the place you live? You couldn’t stifle your laugh which caused his rant to falter, “How is this a laughing matter I am-”
“So fucking dense.” You giggled, “I’ve wanted you to at least look my way for the past three years, and you seriously think I want to be with other people?!” You sighed, “I live with you for fuck’s sake, and you won’t touch me!” Now, you were letting your frustrations out, “I brush your hand, I touch thighs with you, I-I  scare the shit out of myself hoping you’ll at least hold me!” You heaved a breath, “And all you do is stay still!” You let out a frustrated yell, “The most attention I got from you was when I was almost attacked, is that what I need to do to draw sap from a fucking rock?!”
Yoongi flared at this, “Don’t ever think about putting yourself in danger.” He pointed at you, “I couldn’t take it, and I can’t take you not being honest with me, I thought you never noticed-” He was being a hypocrite, but he didn’t care.
“How could you say I don’t notice you when you straight up forgot I existed until this year?!” Yoongi was the one dumbfounded this time, and you took your chance to push past him, “I will go out tonight because I deserve-”
You couldn’t even breathe the next syllable before your back hit Yoongi’s bedroom door, his hands pinning your wrists above your own, the man breathing heavy. The air was thick with frustration as he gave you a stern look, “You deserve the world, I know,” The anger in you began to dissipate at his sincerity in his words, “And I am so in love with you, that I don’t think I’m worthy of giving it to you,” Your breath hitched at this, “But I don’t care anymore, because I would sooner kill someone before they put their hands on you, I’m sure you know I mean business, Sunshine?” You nodded, every cell in your body springing to life as Yoongi drew his lips closer to you, “So?”
You blew out a shaky breath with an equally shaky smile, “L-Love me? I-" 
"Say you love me, and I’ll do it.” He was more rushed this time, urgent almost, “I’ll stop holding back, and I will give you all that you deserve and so, so much more.” He was almost pleading.
What the fuck do you know about love? What does it look like? Sound like? Is it the way Yoongi smiles at your dumb jokes in the morning? Is it the way his voice sounds through the walls as he practices newly-written lyrics? He was a good man to you. He was an attractive man. He could give you the world, and all he wanted in return was your love. Could all of this be love? Could it be the way he’s made you feel the past couple of years, especially the last couple of months? 
Well, why the hell wouldn’t it be?
“I love you, Yoongi.” You breathed against his lips and he didn’t miss a beat in closing the gap so not even air could come between the two of you.
Electrifying all over again, but so, so different. This wasn’t fear. This was lust lighting a fire within you that Yoongi only stoked further as his silky tongue tangled with yours in a flurry of repressed emotions and endless unspoken confessions. His mouth attached to your neck and you let out a moan, quickly going to cover your mouth. 
He ripped your hand away almost instantly, “You’re rarely this shy when you’re in your room, why deny me your sounds now?” He growled against your ear and the pure sex in his voice only made you moan louder. He was the rain you had admired from afar, but now he was pressed against you, and holy shit, were you getting wet.
“Yoongi, I don’t know if I can wait, I want to cum so fucking ba-ah!” You yelped when his hand went to cup your sex under the long shirt you always wore. You were on your tippy-toes, too sensitive to press your full weight onto him.
“Such an innocent-looking girl with such a nasty mouth.” He squeezed you in his hand and watched in glory as your eyes rolled back, “Since you’re a fan, I’ll be nice.” He teased as he got onto his knees, dragging your panties down with him to the floor.
“Oh shit.” You let out a breath that was quickly stolen when his tongue pressed against your entry. He lifted your leg, placing it over his shoulder as his mouth lapped at your clit and you lost yourself in the feeling, moaning mindlessly.
“You taste like deliverance.” He mumbled against your pussy and this only made your eyes roll back at the eroticism in his words. You couldn’t even keep track of what he was doing anymore.
All you could do was feel. His tongue fucked you into oblivion as he held your hips still, determined to make you come with his mouth, and his mouth alone. He let out a lewd suck and you quivered at the sensation and action. He knew how to play you and please you that you did. His tongue entered you again and he let out a delicious moan which vibrated against your folds, “Fuck, you sound and feel so fucking good!” You cried out as his tongue made thick strokes against you that only sped up expertly as he moaned into you, “Can I cum, Yoongi?” You asked, a smart girl, he concluded. He smirked against you, full intention to deny your request until, “Please, my love, I want to cum in your mouth like a good girl.” You begged pathetically and he couldn’t refuse you. You had him wrapped around your finger and hardly knew it. He got to work quickly, tongue entering you again only to flick upwards and you groaned at this. Groans were quickly replaced by increased screaming as he stiffened his tongue and licked all around your sex. You began to scream his name like a mantra as you tighten around the muscle and came the hardest you ever had.
You slumped against the door, chest heaving, “You okay, baby?” The nickname from him elicited a tired smile. You looked down at the man, lips glossy as he licked them. He sat back on his calves and you wasted no time in diving at him on the floor.
Before he could react, you gripped him through his sweatpants and smiled when you realized he was rock hard, “Can I please ride you?” You looked up at him through your eyelashes and he knew he couldn’t possibly say no.
“Your wish is my command, sunshine.” He growled when you straddle him as he sat, legs spread and back against the back of the couch now. You gave a less than innocent smile as you reached for his member, delicate hands wrapping around him, only to pull it free and closer to your entrance, “Condom?” He questioned.
“Pill, I need to feel you, fuck.” You panted, against logical judgment, but it was lost when you pressed the head against your own entrance, “Shit.” You ground against Yoongi as his head lolled back.
He could hardly handle it as your hips twirled, the tip just outside your entrance. Finally, he had enough, and with strong hands pulled your hips to fill you to the hilt. Your mouth popped open in shock and pure masochistic delight as the pain only added to the high of lust Yoongi gave you, “Sorry, baby girl, I knew you would feel so fucking good.” He emphasized this with a thrust up, “Plus, I could hardly resist being deep inside you immediately.” He growled in sadistic pride as your face twisted in pain and pleasure.
“Hurts so good.” Your hips moved spastically, chasing another high with Yoongi deep inside you. Not once did you lift your hips. You wanted to stay full, and Yoongi was more than happy to oblige, “So good, I wanna stay like this.” You moaned out as he sucked on your neck, hands going under your shirt to grip your breasts with a fevor you craved.
“You feel like heaven.” He grunted against your neck as he littered it with hickey after hickey. You were his and the way you squeezed around him and clawed at his shoulder only spurred him further. 
Yoongi could feel himself twitching inside you and this only made you gasp as you gleefully squeezed around him, “Yes, yes,” You sounded like a prayer to him, “Cum inside me, I need it.” You were nearly screaming as he began to thrust into you at a rapid pace.
“Yeah? You want me to paint those pretty walls white, hm?” He teased you despite the strain in his voice, “Fuck it right into that pretty pussy of yours, no mine.” He grabbed your hips, working your body for his own high, “This is my pussy, isn’t it?" 
"Yes, it’s all yours, Yoongi!” You yelled and with that, he groaned as he came, ropes of cum that you could feel as his hips made good of his promise to fuck it into you. You milked him as you squeezed tighter before coming undone as you came with a scream that sounded like the next symphonic masterpiece to the fucked out man inside you.
You huffed a small chuckle against his neck as your curled your form around his, “So needy.” He teased as he went to remove himself inside of you only to be met with a squeeze from you that made him curse, “You’re gonna kill me, I swear.”
You giggled, “I like how you feel inside of me.” You shrugged before shivering at the empty feeling only to gasp when three fingers were shoved into you. You wiggled in glee, “Fuck.” Your breath hot against his neck.
 "You just like to be full, huh baby?“ You nodded shyly, "You’re perfect.” He chuckled as he used his other hand to stroke your back.
—-
“Announcement time, my dear listeners” You spoke in the studio, trying not to sound like it was through gritted teeth. You counted your blessings that you were alone, “As you know, your dear old Sugar Sun has promised a face reveal and I-Min Yoongi!” Well, mostly alone. You heaved a breath as you came against his mouth for the third time.
The man between your legs looked up at you, eyes way too innocent, “What? I’m waiting for my part.” He spoke nonchalantly despite the wetness on his lips.
“I’ll never get there if you keep making me cum and start over.” You glared and the man shrugged, “I got far enough, right, babe?” You pouted and watched his resolve crack, “Honeypie?” You pleaded and he faltered, “Love of my life?” He grumbled as he sat up next to you in front of the mic.
“Fine, go ahead.” He licked his lips.
“…and I decided to go a step further.” You smiled as the man next to you held your hand, “I will be doing a photoshoot to reveal my face and my collab partner to an upcoming song and my boyfriend…”
You looked to him, eyes twinkling, “That would be my cue.” He placed a quiet kiss on your head, “My name is Min Yoongi or Agust D as some of you may know, and I look forward to my career and life with this little piece of sunshine.” You giggled at this.
“So cheesy.” You gave him a bright smile nonetheless, “Crazy news, I know, but I secured the fucking bag, my dear listeners, he’s never getting rid of me." 
You were joking for the most part, but you didn’t know how right you were. You would not be away from him any longer. You were his sunshine, his little songbird, and his world all at the same time. He needed you like he needed to breathe. Now, you were his. You were his sunshine despite the rain he embodied. The rainbow between the two of you was too intoxicating to even bear the idea of giving it up. Even for a fraction of second. You were his. Every moment, minute, second, everything would be together. He was yours now and forever just as you were his. Blissfully and eternally in love.
"I’m too crazy to let go now.” You laughed as he kissed your temple affectionately.
So was he.
Buy me a ko-fi (it would make my day) 
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plush-anon · 4 years ago
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Happy Halloween Scooby Doo! Review
Muahahhhahahhahahaha! Thanks to the Walmart tradition of stocking movies for sale weeks before the intended release date, I have myself a copy of what claims to be Scooby Doo’s FIRST Halloween adventure!
…in spite of movies like Witch’s Ghost and Goblin King, holiday specials like WNSD’s A Scooby Doo Halloween (which had a haunted Scarecrow too…), BCSD’s EL Bandito (for Dia de los Muertos - obvs not the same, but most companies act like it) and Halloween, The NSDM’s Halloween Hassle at Dracula’s Castle, and the DTV short film Scooby Doo and the Spooky Scarecrow (which, ironically enough, did NOT take the opportunity to feature Dr. Jonathan Crane). 
So let us take a look now at Happy Halloween Scooby Doo! and see whether this film will be a graveyard smash of a treat, or a black licorice bomb of disappointment.
Full review (and SPOILERS TO GO WITH IT) are below the cut in my new review format; if all goes smoothly, I’ll go with this for future Scooby films.
WARNING: This review is very long.
One minor note before we begin: the Special Features actually include BCSD’s Halloween, WNSD’s A Scooby Doo Halloween, and PNSD’s Ghost Who’s Coming to Dinner
...so they were AWARE this was not the first Halloween adventure of the Scooby gang, and yet still use that tag line. Hm. 
Still, kudos for including them - this’ll help boost the reasons to keep this movie, if it turns out to be a real Milk Dud of a movie *ba-dum tish* :D
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The movie starts off rather abruptly, actually - no slow pan over the setting, just WB Animation credit and BOOM, we’ve cut to a Halloween parade and Elvira is talking. 
I’m of a mixed opinion including Elvira on top of having Bill Nye and a Batman Rogue - while she most certainly fits the Scooby aesthetic, it doesn’t feel as grand an impact after her weird little cameo in Return to Zombie Island (ugh) and I’m not sure how well the movie will balance her in wait a minute
wait just a
WAIT A MINUTE
Did - did that parade float skeleton just sing Crystal Cove as the town’s name?
oh no. 
Oh No.
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....also their song is terrible and they should feel terrible.
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Fred: We got him! Banh Mi Shop, second floor!
me: the heck is a Banh Mi Shop? *mild googling noises*
So I guess Jonathan Crane really had a craving for a Vietnamese sandwich before he enacted his Halloween scheme.
...you think he’s a lemongrass chicken type of guy or a BBQ pork guy? It’s always hard to guess at these things, esp when coffee and pumpkin spice aren’t on the table (as per fanon, of course)
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Velma: We have a flawless track record!
So I guess WB is just gonna ignore the past few DTV retcons established in 13 Ghosts and Return to Zombie Island?
I mean that rather defeats the purpose of them existing at all, but fcuk YEAH I can get behind throwing that retcon garbage out of canon!
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And STAY OUT!!
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Shaggy, talking about ghosts being real: I’m like the boy who cried wolf - I keep warning you but like, you won’t believe me until I finally get eaten!
Yet again, Warner Bros makes a wolf reference to Shaggy. Yet again, I am torn asunder between wanting werewolf!Shaggy in a new Scooby property, and fearing for the appearance of werewolf!Shaggy in a new Scooby property. 
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Velma: Point is, being afraid is a waste of time!
Scarecrow, LITERALLY EXPLODING THROUGH A BRICK WALL three buildings away:
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He’s floating through the air and t-posing to assert his dominance 🤣🤣🤣
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Gods bless animation 😁
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Daphne @ Shag and Scoob locking themselves in the van: Are you serial?
Me: wait, SERIAL? *re-reads captions* yup, that says “serial”.  
Is this an editing mistake? I don’t think that works here…unless that’s supposed to be a joke on how they always do this. But then why would that be an irritating surprise, they literally do this EVERY episode 🙄
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Oh hey, Red Herring’s Party Screams truck has Red Herring running out of it
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Could this be a hint to how the story goes? The villain appearing on a literal Red Herring?
Naaaaaah, WB’s not THAT smart
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So if we take @captainbaddecisions​​ crack theory on Jonathan Crane being Shaggy’s uncle seriously, does this mean that Jonathan is using magic to fly, float fear toxin orbs around himself, and making things explode, a la the family trait of Crack Theory A? 
Logically he’s probs using wires or magnets or some shit, but it’s a fun thought to entertain 😁
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Welp, we finally get the opening credits! … with Jonathan Crane smashing through the Mystery Machine’s windshield, set to a slow poppy song straight from the 60s, and spewing the title of the film out in glittery pink mist.
All the while Scooby and Shaggy throw candy at each other, deliberately obtuse to the cloud of fear toxin enveloping their friends and the townsfolk, the steady destruction of the Mystery Machine they’re laying in as multiple cars crash into it and send it spiraling, and the general mayhem and destruction that Scarecrow is causing
Never change, guys, never change
--------
I just choked on my lemonade
There’s an article plastered to the roof of the Mystery Machine titled “Talking Dog Confounds, Ignites Ethics Debate Over Dog Labor”
ahahahahaha
-------
Annnnnnnnd there goes the Mystery Machine, tumbling in the air and over the roads with Shaggy and Scooby still inside without seat belts. Will they perish in this horrible road accident? Will Death finally come to claim them at last?
Of course not. This is Shaggy and Scooby we’re talking about - I’m almost positive they can survive anything up to and including a nuclear bomb. This is child’s play to them.
-------
So they “capture” Scarecrow… by pinning his cape to a tree with crossbow bolts. 
And they do not try to at least tie up his arms or his hands in ANY capacity. 
JUST the cape. 
...you know, Velma, for a team with a “flawless” track record, you guys are making a hecking TON of mistakes in facing against one of Batman’s ROGUES GALLERY, ESPECIALLY with no Batman in sight, good freakin’ grief. 😩
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Yaaaaaaaaas, this Scarecrow design is LUSH
He’s got the lank, the height, the BTAS costume colors, the elongated face with beaky nose and pointed chin and angular cheekbones, the eyebags like Gucci, the furrowed brow… honestly the only thing missing is the more reddish color hair, and even that isn’t mandatory. I love 😍
Not to mention the HOT DAYUM voice he has - low and velvet rough and so godsdamned particular in a way that could either tie in to obscuring a southern accent as in fanon or just as a stringent academic, oh my yes. He’s voiced by someone called Dwight Schultz, who’s most well known for playing Captain ‘Howling Mad’ Murdock in the OG A-Team show, and someone called Reginald Barclay in Star Trek TNG and Voyager, if any of y’all know that character in particular. 
And of course, the first line he says is a delightfully wry “Oh, but I AM getting away with it,” with the sort of smirk that absolutely lends credence to why he’s a threat to Batman, and not some simpering wimp that can be defeated with some crossbow bolts in a tree.
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I think I’m going to enjoy this movie at least somewhat, so long as we get to see him 🥰🥰🥰
(tho on a side note: Daphne why on EARTH are you trying to film Crane saying the meddling kids line? Do you have a video compilation of past villains who’ve done that, and you hope to add his to it? Was your phone damaged when you went up against the Riddler a few DTVs ago and you want a second shot at recording a Gotham Rogue saying it? Bc I don’t think a Gotham Rogue would be too pleased with seeing himself as a Mystery Meme on the Youtubes, you get what I’m saying?)
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Okay, so the floating orb things are explained away as fear toxin bomb drones somehow… despite looking nothing like the other drones and being much smaller with no visible propulsion, while also flying unassisted through and around objects to explode against places once flung…
(tho interesting note, none of them are aimed directly at the crowds, just behind them - odd, that)
But how did he heckin’ FLY at the beginning?
Yeah, they show him wearing wrist-mounted grappling hooks at the end of the intro song sequence, but they are NOWHERE IN SIGHT at the beginning - and I do mean in sight, since he emerges against a backdrop of flames. There was nothing there (see the T-pose above for further evidence), and nothing there when he FLEW THROUGH THE MYSTERY MACHINE’S WINDSHIELD AND FLEW BACK OUT AGAIN. And these things are pale silver, which stands out like crazy against the darker backgrounds, so no hand-wavy ‘they were always being used’ bullcrap we’ve seen in other movies. 
Hmmm *scribbles in notepad* note to self, add notation concerning Crack Theory A on magic!Shaggy to “Uncle Crane” theory files - evidence denotes that Crane is able to fly (or at least hover in mid-air unassisted) for terrorization purposes. May boost strength of CTA by family association, lending credence to magic inheritance along the bloodline...
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“Avocado Toast Generation”? Crane, I honestly don’t know if you really mean that, or if you understand just how much that phrase gets under any Millennial/Gen Z kid’s skin. Having seen multiple variations of your character, it really could swing either way (tho kudos on the dead switch idea - very nice 👍🏻) 
Although this does lead to an interesting stand-off: Fred, upon seeing the town threatened with 3 days worth of fear toxin, immediately moves to let Crane go, while Velma stops him and refuses to consider compromising if it means Crane escapes.  They both look legitimately frustrated at the other for taking the stance they do. 
Fascinating~
------
Hmmm
Crane honey, I don’t know if your drones are made of flash paper and hope, or if Scooby and Shaggy are using the reeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaally old candy (the stuff made about ~3 years ago most neighborhoods give out to the teenagers that knock around midnight on Halloween) to shoot them down, but either way you may wish to speak with the manufacturer about this
Then again, this IS Shaggy and Scooby - they probably could’ve spat marshmallows at the drones and brought them down with equal success and explosions 
(and good on them for shooting those down! Atta boy 👍🏻)
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Aw dang it
1. They still have Crane captured and now in handcuffs (despite having… you know… NOT been bound by anything except cross bolts in his curtain cape thing)
2. Dwight Schultz has decided to pitch his voice higher and more nasally than what he has. Hopefully this is more of an incredulous sort of pitch than something that sticks for the rest of the movie, ugh.
Also, I think they’re framing the movie to be more Velma-centric this time around - she’s the one explaining to Crane how they tracked him down, apparently through a piece of fan mail he sent Elvira (is that the only reason she’s there? Also why was Velma examining random pieces of fan mail for toxins, Elvira probs gets hundreds a week irl) and it looks like they’re framing something up on how fear isn’t something you can pretend isn’t there. neat!
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whajit
53rd? 
53rd?!?!
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ONLY 53rd?!?!?!?!
Boooo, Scarecrow’s WAY more popular than that! I call foul
---
Okay why is Daphne’s schtick so far to spit laaaaaaame slang after every sentence Velma says
I would rather this not be her schtick
Actually could she go back to filming mystery stuff, bc at least I can pretend it’ll build into the OG Zombie Island Daphne
----
Phew, his voice has returned to its low, raspy goodness
also, Crane needs to learn about personal space, good grief
(interesting clue brought up tho - Crane only steals tech that CAN’T leak his toxin, ergo it can’t be tracked until he releases it. Sensible use, given that Batman probs tracks it if it does.)
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Velma: I’m not afraid of you, Crane. Fear is an illogical reaction to an imagined threat. 
Crane:
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Crane: Fearless, then. Intelligent. Proud and stubborn. You remind me very much of the one person in this world I care about. 
uhhhhhh
Yourself? Harley? Edward Nygma? Ichabod the raven? Idk, I’m honestly curious as to where this thread will go 🤔🤔🤔
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Fred, leaning against the Mystery Machine: Guys, it’s gonna be okay. She told me!
O_o
Fred? Honey? Are you sure you weren’t supposed to join Crane in the transport vehicle back to Arkham? 
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OH SWEET JESUS SHAGGY GREW YAOI HANDS
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WHAT THE HECK 
THAT’S WAY MORE UNNERVING THEN YOU GUYS NOT BEING AFRAID ANYMORE
(although the fact that they’re both unsettled by NOT constantly shaking or having their heart racing is honestly kind of heartbreaking. Y’all need therapy, good grief)
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Shaggy and Scooby just chewed up candy (wrapper and all) to make themselves a Halloween costume of… what looks like barfed-up candy (ew)
Before then proceeding to dance so well that everyone around them also starts dancing in a 60s-70s era rainbow light show and giving them candy
I worry for these two sometimes - that kind of power seems to be getting to their head 😬😬😬
---
Oh hey, acid green toxic waste is spilling from an 18-wheeler onto the Fear Toxin drones and emitting a purple pink haze that envelops a pumpkin patch! That won’t do anything suspicious at all I bet!
(wait is Poison Ivy going to come into this at some point)
(also major kudos to the music here - very 80s horror synth, I like)
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So the Pumpkins have grown faces, limbs, consciousness, the ability to fly and a lust for human flesh
And they appear to be led by the Pumpkin King of the Pumpkin Patch mentioned in the Charlie Brown Halloween special
He’s not as friendly as I pictured him being, sadly 😕
---
Why is this random ass cop coming up to FD&V to say that they’re in over their heads… AFTER the mystery’s been solved?
Like dude, you’re only making yourself suspicious at this point, go home
----
Huh, interesting - the gang are being interviewed for a tv news network while they’re considered the town heroes
Why am I getting bad vibes from this…
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Eh, it’s probably nothing
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Velma: {Shaggy and Scooby} are, um… REALLY into the Halloween spirit. 
Shaggy: THIS ISN’T COSPLAY, VELMA!
I’m dying 😂
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Holy Shit
Velma just snapped and went off on Shaggy and Scooby for acting scared and doing nothing to help wrap up the mystery
(even though these guys are the ONLY reason that the gang didn’t have to choose between setting Scarecrow free and poisoning the entire town for 3 days straight, but hey, what do I know - I’m just writing an in-depth reaction post to this movie and taking note of details like this, clearly I know nothing *eye roll*)
Last time I saw Velma critique the guys’ usual mystery solving shenanigans, it was much more low-key and without knowing they were nearby
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But I’m sure that’s just a coincidence
------
What the
Bills?
Bills?!?!
Fred just mentioned that fixing the Mystery Machine was going to leave a hefty bill and that they may need to get dishwashing jobs to earn money
Which is more of a job you might expect a high schooler to get on the go and yet
They actually have to pay bills 
How old are they here??!
------
wait a tic
THIS is how they introduce Bill Nye?
He just calls up Velma with no explanation other than Velma saying “Oh hey, it’s Bill Nye!”
I just - what?!?!
How do you know him so well that he can just pull up your number and call you, and then geT YOU A NEW FREAKING CAR LIKE
WHAT?!?!?!?
Was there a Scooby episode with him in the past two years where the fcuk did this come from
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Also the car is dressed like Bill Nye
And he can talk to the gang directly as the car
So that he can solve mysteries with them whenever he wants
This… this was not what I was expecting to come about from the Bill Nye cameo 
(alas, poor predictions of being Crane’s roommate, you will not come to pass this day) 😔
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Ooooo, purple haze throbbing on the horizon! That’s always a good sign of things to come! 😀
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 And now Daphne’s… asking Elvira to mentor her fashion wise. And Elvira’s taking her on as her unpaid intern/personal assistant.
Yooo, movie, can you pick a direction and stick with it for Daphne? You’ve gone from her spewing outdated slang to wanting a costume for trick-or-treating, and now this. 
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Welp, now I can say I saw a giant pumpkin dog vore an old woman
I didn’t WANT to see that mind, but I guess I can say it now 😐
------
OH SHIT NO
IT TURNED HER INTO A FLYING PUMPKIN SHAPED LIKE HER FACE
ABSOLUTELY UNSETTLING, 0/10 WOULD NOT RECOMMEND
-------
At least we get a nice scene of Daphne kicking the pumpkins’ collective butt
Something normal
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Elvira: WOW! You’re a regular Mary Sue!
*falls over cackling*
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And now there’s a giant purple fissure opening up in the concrete to swallow the town of Crystal Cove whole 
(good, i whisper softly into the darkness of my living room. Let it fall)
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Man, I feel so bad for this single father right now
He’s gotten wrapped up in all of this nonsense with his daughter, and he is just Distraught at being chased by Jackal Lanterns, having the town collapsing under his feet, and having to gorge jump in his sedan to get away from the worst of it
It’s okay, Mike Dad - we would feel the same way in your shoes
-------
Hologram Bill Nye is wearing Cat ears and cat whiskers/nose, and is cleaning his hands like a cat cleans its paws
Why was this the movie we found out Bill Nye was a furry
Why Warner Bros 
Why would you inflict this upon us in a Scooby Doo-Scarecrow mystery
-------
Hey, can Jonathan Crane return now? The movie needs its dignity back. 
------
A clue on the whys here - the town was built on top of a MASSIVE lithium deposit, with the talks to mine it being scrapped due to environmental concerns. That’s actually a decent lead in for why some 
-------
Welp
The Jackal Lanterns just went full Mad Max with the Halloween Parade floats and cars
No, I don’t have any idea why either, just roll with it
-------
Nice, they confirmed that Fred’s full name is still Frederick Herman Jones XD
Also a great little action sequence with Daphne - while there’s not much movement, they frame the scene dynamically, with some good quick wordplay. Very nice. 
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Velma has a mind palace
Aight
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Velma: Shaggy, I could kiss you!
Oh, to hear this as a child, when I still hardcore shipped Shelma *sigh*
------
Oh thank gods we’re going back to Scarecrow again
------
Shaggy ate some Scooby Snacks, leapt out of a moving vehicle, and onto the backs of two flying pumpkins that he promptly reined in to fly to Crane’s prison transport
...yet again, I am amazed at the sentences I am led to type for Scooby Doo DTVs
------
Ah, how very Hannibal Lector of you, Jon 
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Man, he actually looks very meek in normal clothes - red long-sleeved shirt and grey slacks
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Hmmm
So Crane ISN’T behind the Jackal Lanterns - in fact he’s outright befuddled by them. This means his whole spiel to Velma earlier about both of them being caught in the same trap was… metaphorical? The breakdown doesn’t actually go into WHY he thinks they’re in the same trap - Crane’s whole schtick is tied to accepting fear, not denying it, so why would they be the same?
Either way, someone is using both him and Mystery Inc to do something to Crystal Cove (please be Red Herring, please be Red Herring, please be Red Herring)
Actually, that reference at the beginning really WAS a red herring - they framed it as being Jon the whole time when it wasn’t. Kudos!
Additional kudos to having Jon be seen more out of mask than in - he is a looker, and I aim to look as much as I can ;)
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Annnnd Daphne’s now trying to convince Elvira to switch clothes with her
I don’t get it - how on earth did we get from Daphne trying to find a good costume for trick-or-treating to asking Elvira to switch oh there it is nevermind.
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There is literally a scene where a giant buzzsaw is slicing towards Crane
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and he just
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stares at it
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going “huh, that’s different”
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And I LOVE IT
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And here we have another fascinating scene: Velma going to free Crane from his cell, as Daphne tells her to just leave him to die by pumpkin
I’m wondering if they meant to draw a parallel between the two here - Velma starts by reciting a nursery rhyme, then overcoming her fears in order to release madness to take control. It’s not done very cleanly - mainly bc we barely have any time with Crane in this movie - but I wonder if they meant to insinuate that Crane was like Velma once, where he refused to acknowledge he was afraid, which caused him to lose focus on his initial goals
Idk, ignore my ramblings
---
Crane, smirking: I’ll need my personal effects - extenuating circumstances.
Me, fanning myself: I’ll need you to remove yours first
(i am not even kidding, Crane is an absolute DILF in this movie and it flusters me. Stupid sexy animation)
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YAAAAAAAAAAASSSSS
SCARECROW TO THE MOTHERFCUKING RESCUE BABY, SCYTHE AND FCUKING ALL!!!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
----
FCUK YEAH THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING
HE HAS A DANCE LIKE QUALITY WITH SOME OF HIS FIGHTING MOVES
VIOLENT DANCING BRINGS THE GIANT JACKAL LANTERN DOWN BABY
THEN HE BACKFLIPS AND GYMNASTIC SWINGS INTO THE VAN
ROCK IT SCARECROW FCUKING ROCK IT
(minor note here, but the subtitles show Dr. Crane instead of Scarecrow - unsure if that’s more that the movie calls him Dr Crane or if it indicates he’s acting more heroic than villainous)
---
GODDAMNIT
THE GIANT PUMPKIN SNUCK VINES INTO THE VAN AND STOLE HIM BACK 
WHEN CRANE WAS... wearing a seatbelt before, but isn’t now.
...
BOOOOO
---
Yet again, we find a Scooby movie that attempts character development, but with Velma
Unlike Shaggy’s Showdown however, I’m mixed on how successful it is.
For starters, Velma hasn’t been this cocksure in other DTVs we’ve seen, so it’s a bit odd to see it now. While not 100% out of place - after all, the gang DID capture one of Batman’s Rogues Gallery on their own - it still feels a touch forced. Compare that to Shaggy’s Showdown, where Shaggy has ALWAYS been a coward (one that, in more recent years, writers have had willing to abandon his friends for safety), so the character development there feels more natural. 
The progression of events with Velma actually work somewhat okay - but again, here’s where past DTVs come to bite them in the ass. The past handful have had the gang be wrong, have had them fail, or catch the wrong guy. This makes Velma’s attitude here at odds with the other films, something that sticks more due to a character that’s appeared in the past few films as a minor inconvenience - a Sheriff who keeps telling the gang not to interfere, they’re doing things wrong, etc. If this had been a character who was completely wrong in the past AND SHOWN TO BE WRONG FOR HIS OPINIONS, while the gang never guessed wrong, this would work much better. Unfortunately, it doesn’t, and here we are. 
I think it would have flowed better if Velma’s cockiness came solely from catching Crane on their own. Have a random cop character or reporter or whatever (just not the recurring cop), insinuate that the gang is in too deep with Scarecrow, that he should be handled by the adults or professionals or whatever. Velma could bristle, overcompensate, and THEN fall from her pedestal like we see, reach out to the gang and commiserate over feeling scared, and grow. Again, it’s not too far to reach for, but they handle it poorly; as a result, the outcome feels a little more shoehorned in. 
It’s an honest shame, bc we haven’t had a Velma centered story since Frankencreepy, and we all remember what a hideous fcuking mess THAT was *shudders*. Still, it somewhat gets its point across, I guess.
---
Fred why did you rip your shirt off
Actually better question why do you not have nipples
--- 
Awwwwwww
Velma just apologized to Shag and Scoob for snapping at them earlier, and admits how she doesn’t appreciate how much they make Mystery Inc what it is
Also she eats a Scooby Snack with them and admits they taste pretty good
----
Huh
Velma’s mind palace is the Mystery Machine driving through space
Also Shaggy and Scooby are able to telepathically follow her in and communicate with her
Literally, they actually followed her into her head telepathically, and show her their memories of things she hasn’t gotten to see tonight (while also possibly enhancing her ability to remember things, given how much DETAIL she captures perfectly of things that she would maybe have glimpsed in a millisecond AT MOST)
...another tally for Crack Theory A of magic! Shaggy and Scooby *scribbles*
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Fred, be very very thankful that there are no people operating those pumpkins in person cause uhhhh
Those traps would be spraying red instead of orange
------
Another weird music choice - the gang goes up to fight the Jackal Lanterns, but the music is the same 60s bubble we heard earlier 
Not terribly atmospheric, really
(wouldn’t a Smashing Pumpkins cover of Scooby Doo be more appropriate, or did you guys spend all your money on hiring Elvira and Bill Nye?)
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Dang
Velma just admitted her fears and jumped into the mouth of the Mega Pumpkin, before getting Fred to use the app from earlier to shut it down, revealing it to be a giant drone surrounded by smaller pumpkin drones
This feels… counterintuitive, but I’ll try to explain at the end
---
Okay
I’ll admit it
The Whodunnit is actually pretty decent in concept
There was a sprinkling of tidbits that could be assembled for the final conclusion and still make a decent amount of sense, all to find the sheriff doing it 
Only he isn’t a sheriff
He’s a former Tech CEO who was also busted by the gang years ago in a case the Sheriff kept bringing up throughout the movie - due to his prison sentence, he lost more than half his wealth and the opportunity to expand it further with the Crystal Cove Lithium deposits
He was also someone who sold tech to Crane for his fear toxin distribution, where he got the idea to frame him for it
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(tho on a side note, Crane is an absolute dork and a terrible liar - just look at the email he sent XD and that profile pic, my gods)
He deliberately picked at the gang for the past few DTVs (specifically 2: Return to Zombie Island and Curse of the 13th Ghost) to fracture their confidence, undermine them, etc - all so that in one fell swoop, he could retake his fortune, frighten everyone in town away from the mines so they couldn’t interfere, frighten away the gang (while also ruining their reputation as mystery solvers), and take Crane off the docket so he couldn’t identify the CEO when he pretended to be the sheriff
This… is actually a pretty damn good plan, for a Scooby villain. He was patient, manipulative, and clever, learning how best to tie up loose ends and win back what he lost. A clever revenge story that came so close to coming to fruition, and could have honestly been sold convincingly… 
...if it hadn’t been done so much better in Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed. 
Yeeeaaaah, this movie basically lifts the rough framework up from that one - past mystery villain comes back to attack the gang and ruin their reputation (tho this one decides to also make his fortune back and tie up loose ends with former criminal contacts, a la Crane). Gang is embarrassed in front of the news folk, another villain is framed for it (like Old Man Wickles of the Black Knight fame), and the gang must reconcile to foil the villain for good.
Although it also??? Merges elements of Frankencreepy in it?? The movie is focused on Velma, who is struggling to admit when she’s wrong (which ties into her fear, somehow… I’ll think on that point a little) and things purportedly go haywire when she won’t bend. This… isn’t illustrated as well here, since there’s very little direct cause-and-effect from Velma’s actions that would prove this point - that insisting her way is the right, best, and therefore only way to go ends up making things worse.  
As much as I despised Frankencreepy (and I DESPISED IT), it did do that part well - showing that refusing to budge on something can lead to you hurting your friends (literally, in that one), and that admitting you were wrong and need help isn’t the end of the world. 
(that movie also had former villains returning to gain vengeance upon the gang using psychological warfare, hm - may need to go over that one again, unfortunately).
It’s a shame, too -  the basic elements for this plot are all here, they just need to be polished and reworked a bit to make a really fascinating movie. 
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Anyways, back to the asshat CEO who just… faked being a sheriff. Because white people can get away with that so long as they have the outfit and the car *throws up hands* (the sad part is this is probably something that actually happens)
As he drives away we see a familiar silhouette looming in the cornfields, watching him approach
Velma had Bill Nye on speaker, so he could record the entire confession for the federal officers nearby (who were taking Scarecrow back to Arkham), and track the phone signal to his exact location
And right as his holographic call cuts out, we see the shadow of a Scarecrow looming over him, causing him to scream.
When the feds arrive at his final location, both his body and the money have vanished. The car still sits, engine running, before the crows leering over him from the field vanish into the sky. 
-------
Now that he’s dead, the gang walks and finds themselves at a Halloween party, with friendly faces and good food. The mystery is solved, though the culprit may never be found again. 
Then Daphne admits to NOT trying to steal Elvira’s costume for Halloween, but instead trying to steal Elvira’s identity and replace her. 
Something that she’s apparently nearly gotten away with on past mysteries working with Phillis Diller
*sighs* movie, why couldn’t you just stick to the costume schtick? This is just… so much worse. 
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From there, Elvira walks off to wrap things up, reveal the monster face on the back of her head sans wig (which was also a monkey), and start the credits, where we see the gang working to bring the Mystery Machine back to its former glory a la Frankenstein pastiche. 
This movie… this movie is a hot mess, but at least it’s an OKAY hot mess. 
It really does feel like someone started writing a decent Velma-focused movie concerning the Scarecrow and a past Mystery Inc villain interfering, but was bogged down by notes from higher-ups: Wait! Write in Elvira! Also write in Bill Nye! Hey, let’s have a Mad Max car chase with the Jackal Lanterns! And have Daphne obsessed with literally becoming Elvira! Also make reference to things that we’ll insist be explained this way instead of a way that makes sense! Great!
(seriously tho, we never find out who Crane cares about most that reminds him of Velma, what the heck?)
It’s like two or three different scripts were smooshed together without being cleaned up - stuff is said that doesn’t get resolved, the celebrity guests don’t get to breathe much and feel squished together, and the build-up for the villain feels… less impactful, even knowing that he’s been in the past two films. 
It might have worked if he’d been in… let’s say like 5 or 6 DTVs in a row, speaking roles for dissing the gang growing in each (ex start with “Good job kids! But maybe next time, leave it to the professionals, okay?” and growing more bitter from there), but only 2 feels kind of meh. Still, I do appreciate the clues we got to collect together, and they all work in the final breakdown of the scheme - some DTVs can feel like they pull stuff completely out of nowhere, so kudos there. 
I appreciate what they wanted to do with Velma - give her a character development arc similar to Shaggy’s in Shaggy’s Showdown. Unfortunately, it wasn’t set up quite so neatly: they blended her ‘refusal to admit fear’ with her overconfidence that she was always right, and it led to a weird conclusion. To face her fears, she leapt into the Giant Pumpkin, which… proved that she was right all along about it being fake, and that solves things somehow. It doesn’t address how she can get something wrong sometimes, it doesn’t really address what she’s afraid of (which is honestly quite good: she’s afraid of failing in a way that allows bad guys to escape justice and in a way that hurts her friends), it’s just a bit of a mess. Points for aiming the focus the right way (and in a way that DOESN’T sexualize the underage teenage girl, unlike some DTVs cough cough Frankencreepy cough cough), but it’s very very messy how it goes about it. 
The movie actually balanced pretty well for the whole gang - no excessive focus on one leaving the rest in the dust (too much at least - Fred was a touch underdeveloped, but nowhere near as annoying as past iterations have been. Shaggy and Scooby were kind of meh in some places but great in others, while Daphne was just odd. I think they were trying to recapture the BCSD Daphne characterization, but they failed. Still, she did spend some good time kicking ass with the pumpkins, so that was fun.
Now for the Rogue, Jonathan Crane. If you like Crane, this movie gives you: maniacal Scarecrow, calm and creepy Crane, a brief glimpse at fanboy!Crane (he admits in his own awkward way that he’s a fan of Elvira, and later tells her he loves her work - it’s fun), and (best of all for me) a heroic Crane - one who helps the protagonists and ends up kicking ass pretty damn well, brief as it was. And while DILF Crane is always a treat, he feels underutilized in this. In comparison, Scooby Doo/Batman Brave and the Bold really utilized a lot of different aspects of Riddler, to the point he actually does feel pretty menacing by the third act. It’s a shame we don’t quite get that with Crane, but I do love seeing him 1. More out of mask, and 2. Acting as a good guy (in his own way), so he’s enjoyable on the whole. 
I kind of wish that the whole movie was spent more with Crane, but again, the script is a bit of a mess on this part - the fact that he’s not completely screwed over is a goddamn miracle. 
Elvira was… okay. She didn’t have much of a purpose beyond getting the plot started and giving Daphne some hooks to play off of. Bill Nye (abrupt as his introduction was) did provide some necessary elements to the mystery, as well as the tech; he wasn’t too bad by the end. (still a touch bitter we didn’t get ex roommate Nye, but hey, what can you do)
Humor was… mixed. Some good, some meh, but very few long enough to feel painful. Some bits felt extraneous at times, but they did help to build to the conclusion, so points for effort.
At the end of the day though, I’m probably keeping this more for Jonathan Crane than anyone else. It does have a lot of fanfic potential tho 🤔🤔🤔
That’s all from me tonight, folks! Hope you enjoyed my own little breakdown of the movie. 
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goofygomez · 4 years ago
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An analysis of The Last of Us Part II and its themes
I’ve seen a lot of people share their experience with playing The Last of Us Part II, and it’s safe to say most of it has been largely negative. It’s no secret this might be one of the most divisive games of all time, and it will probably stay that way for a long time after. I personally adored this game. I believe this is the masterpiece of masterpieces, and it’s the only game to ever top the emotions I felt when playing the first game, although I will say in terms of raw story (with nothing else like gameplay to support it) the first game is still a bit higher on the list for me.
But for all intents and purposes, when considering all aspects of this game, I think this is the single greatest accomplishment in game design and storytelling I’ve ever seen in a video game. That being said, I would like to try and respond to some of the criticisms this game has gotten, and furthermore, I’d like to try and analyze some of the themes I noticed when playing the game. Keep in mind this is MY opinion, and should not be taken as fact. This is just my experience, and I’ll respect yours one way or the other.
Take this as a MAJOR WARNING that there will be spoilers for both games in this post.
With that, let’s start with the common criticisms:
1.       “They killed Joel for no damn reason. He deserved better.” This is an easy one to tackle. For one, Joel most definitely did not deserve better. Even though we might love him for being the first game’s MC and have grown attached to him, there’s no way we can or should look past the fact that he, Joel, is a bad man. He even says himself in the first game that he and Tommy did some questionable things to survive in the 20 years between the outbreak and even during the events of TLOU. While he may be perceived as the hero of the franchise, when you look at his rap sheet, you start to notice he’s not so great after all. Take the ending of TLOU as the most glaring example, where Joel has been told Ellie must die in order for the Fireflies to develop a vaccine. His first and only reaction is to kill every single Firefly he sees and murder the surgeon who would have killed his “baby girl”. Would I have done any different in his shoes? Probably not, but that’s the beauty of the first game. Its ending and the ambiguity of Joel’s morality given his actions is one of the driving forces that make the first game so spectacular and why it’s still being discussed 7 years later. Now let’s talk about the second point to this criticism: “He died for no reason”. If you recall, the people who killed him were former Fireflies, one of which (Abby) was the daughter of the surgeon whom Joel unceremoniously killed. In their eyes, they had every right to go after Joel. Like Anthony Caliber, one of the best TLOU speedrunners, said in one of his recent livestreams, “Joel signed his own death sentence when he killed Marlene and the surgeon back at the hospital in TLOU1”. While it may seem overly zealous to us as players who have grown to love Joel, if the roles had been reversed would you not do the same? Would you not want revenge for the killing of your father? And isn’t that exactly what Ellie is doing in this game, which most players justify in this hatred of Abby?
2.       “Joel was out of character in giving out his name and trusting strangers. They dumbed him down for the sake of plot.” As I recall, Joel literally gave Henry and Sam his name and followed them out to their hideout barely 30 seconds after meeting them and beating the shit out of Henry. Joel may be an untrusting person at heart but he always does so with reason. The most common reason people give of this is “He didn’t trust the guy asking for help in Pittsburg and ran him over so why trust Abby and her gang”. First of all, that was literally the one situation Joel had already been on the other side of, and knew perfectly well it was rehearsed. On the flipside, he and Tommy had just saved Abby and literally mention there’s no other way to go other than with her because there’s a huge blizzard and a herd was after them. And especially now, after Joel has been living in Jackson for 4 years now and has been living comfortably in a community very obviously open to new people. Abby’s group gave them no reason to distrust them, and giving out his name, in any other situation, would have made no difference in the outcome. It was just unfortunate they happened to be after him.
3.       “I hate playing as Abby, why are they trying to make me sympathize with her?” That’s the whole point, they’re not. The entire game, you keep rooting for Ellie to find and kill this woman who wronged you, and when you’re forced to play as her, you’re understandably angry. You’re upset, and you feel you have to slog through this seemingly endless section of the game. But as you keep playing, much like I did, you start seeing the other side of the story. Abby is not the villain the game paints her out to be when she killed Joel. She’s another human being with human emotions and a very real reason to hate Joel and to want him dead. As I said before, Abby is doing exactly what Ellie eventually does after Abby kills Joel.
4.       “Why would Ellie go through all that effort to not kill Abby in the end?” I will touch on this in the analysis of the themes, but simply put, it was about breaking cycles.
Now I’d like to start defending how and why I believe this is a masterpiece by first taking a look at one of the admittedly less touched upon parts: gameplay. This aspect usually takes a step back when it comes to narrative-based games, and it is obviously not the most resounding part of this game, but it is clearly not taking a back seat either. The flow of both combat and mellower scenarios in this particular game is astounding. When battling opponents, the AI feels like one of the most intelligent I’ve ever seen in a video game. The way the enemies communicate between each other, telling the others when the player is out of ammo or when they’re flanking to create much more nuanced fight sequences, coupled with the expanded worlds Naughty Dog has come up with to create a seamless experience when fighting hordes of enemies without it feeling stale or repetitive, is one of the most immersive gaming experiences I’ve ever had. Each encounter feels unique and challenging in some ways you may not have felt before in the game, and by the end you’re so immersed in that feeling that going through the Santa Barbara group (to me, at least) was almost automatic and I could see so many different options for me to approach each situation as it came my way.
Likewise, Naughty Dog have managed to turn the puzzle solving from the first game, where you simply had to find a dumpster to step on or a door to open with a shiv, and incorporate the environment and world into it, finding clever ways to get over obstacles without simply having a step-up ladder be the end of it. The mechanics that went into the rope puzzles, breaking windows to get to previously unexplored territory (which is admittedly not new in gaming, but still a cool concept to add to the franchise) paired together with so many more new little features to bring the world they created to life, and bring you into it as well.
As always, and as was the case with the first one, you can’t talk about The Last of Us without talking about the soundtrack. The haunting score created by the masterful mind of Gustavo Santaolalla, a fellow Argentinean like me, brought to life some of the most heart-wrenching moments and the most beautiful ones as well, in a way that can only be achieved with amazing sound design and music. The main theme song, which is a sort of homage to the one from the first, takes a much darker approach, choosing instead to focus on the bass and that resounding low voice in the background, setting the tone for the rest of the game: a much darker, grittier, and grounded experience that will pull no punches. Santaolalla managed to create a score that mimics the first one in melody and rhythm, while succeeding in mirroring it to create a more dissonant accompaniment to the gruesome story you’re brutally killing your way through.
Another aspect of the game that deserves all the praise it gets, and one that people seem to at least be in consensus about, is the graphics and animation design. I can safely say this is hands down the most beautiful, gorgeous, astounding, breathtaking game I’ve ever laid my eyes upon, and that might not be enough adjectives to fully encapsulate how I feel about the graphics in this game. One can argue all day about the morality of the characters in the game or the balance between right and wrong that Naughty Dog so masterfully plays with in the story, but one thing is for sure: The graphics design team deserves so much credit for actually bringing the story and the characters we know and love to such vivid life. You can see it in the little things, like the veins in Joel’s arm as he plays “Future Days” by Pearl Jam and the facial expressions Ellie can make if you stand in front of a mirror during the museum flashback; you can also see it in the larger things, like the jaw-dropping backdrops that range from a beautiful mountain range in the snow to the downtown Seattle skyline. No moment will be wasted by stopping your pace to just admire the absolutely gorgeous view you’re presented with every time you enter a new game world. The attention to detail in animation is also not lacking at all, with so many little actions being given special treatment as we see Ellie patch herself up and still having the actual bandage over her arm instead of disappearing like any other game, or the way Ellie’s fingers perfectly (and correctly) play chords without resorting to generic hand gestures. You can see the love and care the developers have for this game in every tiny crack in the game that simply takes your breath away and that sometimes you won’t even see from the vastness of the world around you.
And finally, the story. It is definitely a divisive story, and Neil Druckmann did warn us it would be. There were times, namely the moment they switched the POV to show me the first 3 days from Abby’s perspective, when I was genuinely wondering what the hell they were thinking. My faith in Naughty Dog never wavered, though. I kept playing because I thought, “There must be some reasoning for this.” And to my greatest relief, it finally clicked for me a few hours into Abby’s section. Namely, the moment where she meets Lev and Yara, two Seraphites that defected after the former shaved his head. At first, it seemed weird that they would be cast out for such a stupid reason, but then you start to get to know them, and you understand the real reason they had to leave their religious cult. As I said before and will say again, this is a game about perspective. Up until that point, I just wanted Abby dead, albeit with some guilt since learning that it was her father Joel killed in that operating room. But seeing Abby’s willingness to help total strangers, much like Joel did at the start of the game, was what sold me on this game’s concept. The purpose of this story is to make you feel the regret and the weight of the actions you impart on the world, as you can see the carnage Ellie left in her wake during your time as Abby, seeing Abby’s friends butchered by either Ellie or Tommy, realizing they’re no different than the villains we have such tunnel vision about. The ending is something I’ll get to in the themes, but I just have to say I love the way it’s such a parallel to the first game’s ending, up to the point of divisiveness in the people who actually played and finished the game (which at the time of writing this is less than 4% of players).
Now onto the themes. One of the things people always praise about the first game, and rightfully so, is its themes and how well it portrays them through certain characters to create a cohesive and coherent story that pulls at your heartstrings and makes you root for the “heroes” of the game. This time it’s not much different, with the minor exception that this time, there are no heroes. Just like Neil Druckmann said many times during the development of Part II, “While the first game was about love, this game is about hate”, which is one of the main themes.
1.       Hatred: I can safely say there have been very few times of my gaming life where I’ve been so viscerally angry (in a “good” way) while playing a video game as I have as I tore down through countless enemies that got in the way of me and my target. This game will let out the worst parts of you in ways you can’t even imagine, and will make you take a look at the way we glorify violence in video games without the usual preachy tone of “video games cause violence”. Like I said before, this is a game that mirrors the first one while paying homage to its themes. To take a page out of Abby’s book, it’s like a coin. There are always two sides to it. On the one hand, the first game’s main theme was love, and how loss and grief can be overcome with it with the proper care and time. The Last of Us Part II shows us the uglier side of human nature, which is anger, despair and a natural desire for revenge (another theme). Both games show us the natural progression of a grieving person, but both of them take wildly different approaches. Granted, we don’t know how brutal and vicious Joel was right after losing Sarah, but it’s safe to assume he was nothing short of a monster, which eventually didn’t really help in dealing with that loss until he found love and hope in a little girl whose safety was now his utmost responsibility. In Ellie’s case, she’s still in that first stage. Ellie as a character has always been reckless and foolhardy, and her actions in this game are a testament of how well Neil Druckmann and Halley Gross know their characters. The entire game, right up until the final moments where she’s about to finish Abby off, her actions are fueled by a rage and desire to exert justice onto those who’ve wronged her. In other words, she’s looking for revenge.
2.       Revenge: Both main characters have at least one thing in common, and it is their desire to avenge their father/father figure. I truly believe that Joel’s death was not only justified (from a storytelling perspective) but also crucial to the development of a sequel that both enhanced the world of The Last of Us while building onto it with new ideals and perspectives. The idea this time is definitely not one we haven’t seen before in so many other mediums: “Revenge is bad and is never worth it” Seems trivial to even suggest it when we all know the outcome, but The Last of Us Part II manages to not only build upon the idea that revenge is a double-edged sword, but it also manages to balance the perspectives within that cycle to attempt to explore the psyche of the characters we’ve put into the boxes of “hero” and “villain”. And subsequently, they manage to break that characterization by showing us both sides of the aforementioned coin to see, in no unclear terms, that the consequences of our actions when dealing with vengeance always circle back to expose the nastiest side of our nature. It stands to reason that we, as the player, would at first be on board with Ellie “finding and killing every last one of them”, and demonizing Abby for not only killing but torturing possibly one of the most beloved characters in gaming history. We want her dead. We want her to suffer for the crime she’s committed. Yet, in our quest for vengeance and justice, would we not be succumbing to the same cycle that brought Abby to killing Joel in the first place? Did she not think, from her perspective, that she was entirely justified in killing the man who had not only destroyed the one chance humanity had against the Cordyceps, but also murdered her father in cold blood? Are we not the same as Abby for wanting her dead after she kills one of our own? When does it end? And that’s the real question. This whole thing, the lust for revenge that can only be quenched with cold-blooded murder, is just another facet to our complex and grey morality as human beings. It’s natural for us to feel angry and upset at this, and I believe all the hatred people give this game that stems from it forcing you to play as Abby is the exact nature the game is trying to bring out of us and show to us in a mirror.
3.       Cycles: While this may not be such an obvious catch as the first two, it’s still very much ingrained in the inner workings of this game’s narrative and how both characters view the world according to their reality and perspective. The concept of revenge, as stated above, is a repetitive one. One that causes cycles and events to repeat themselves if left unchecked, and The Last of Us Part II plays with these masterfully. Starting the game with a heartbreaking moment and setting the dark tone for the rest of the game is what starts the first part of this cycle, which is Ellie wanting to avenge Joel’s death, much like Abby avenged her father’s death after 4 years of despair, planning, and training. Ellie’s desire to kill Abby is what leads her down the path we would characterize, were she some random character and not the main one of the franchise, as the villain’s route, going down a dark path that prompts her to mindlessly and mercilessly slaughtering countless people whose names you hear from their friends’ mouths when you kill them, to the point where you end up getting to Abby’s closest friends and companions and murdering them too, not unlike Abby murdered Joel. It is a sobering feeling to realize the character you most love and root for is, in the eyes of the other main character, as much of a villain (if not more) as we as players make Abby out to be. It is at the end of the game, which a lot of players had qualms about, where Ellie is beating Abby within an inch of her life that she realizes this is not worth it. Killing Abby will not bring Joel back, and will certainly not bring her any satisfaction, as showcased by how traumatized Ellie was after the killings of Abby’s other friends and the fact that she still kept seeing Joel’s lifeless body as she attempted to drown Abby on that coast. Then, as we are mercilessly choking the life out of her, which is yet another example of the visceral anger the game elicits from the player, we see a different memory of Joel. One of hopefulness, where Joel is playing the guitar and smiling. It is at that moment that Ellie realizes the only thing she can do now is to move on with her life and accept Joel’s death as something that happened. To add onto this realization, it’s probably good to mention that Ellie must have seen some of herself in Lev in that killing Abby would have left him (if not dead) in a state much like the one she, Ellie, was at the start of the game. Coming back to the theme of cycles, if Ellie killed Abby, what’s to stop Lev from coming after Ellie the same way she came after Abby, and so on and so forth. Both these things coupled help Ellie finally break the cycle and go back to the farm, where she’s greeted with the consequences of her actions in a more emotional and real way than the PTSD: Dina being gone and Ellie leaving her guitar behind, symbolizing her letting go of Joel’s memory and accepting her reality.
The game scares us; it scares me. It is a harrowing experience that will only get better with time and will, in my humble opinion, go down as one of the greatest games of all time for years to come. No matter the context, and no matter the medium, I wish it were easy to find such real, emotional, and powerful pieces of art as this one more often. But alas, we will have to wait and see. As someone whose name I can’t seem to remember said: “This will mark the gaming industry and divide it between ‘Before TLOU2 and After TLOU2”
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it’s taken me a while but here we are!! listened to bloodwater ballad [TUMBLR | SOUNDCLOUD] by @gerrydelano so I’m gonna dive (ha, dive, get it?) into some analysis even tho I haven’t taken a proper English class since AP English Lit in high school and the god complex it gave me has never left (RIP to everyone else, but I’m different). But I do have a degree in Psychology and am a Researcher, so I know how to dissect things (this is probably why the god complex never left lmao)
disclaimer: I have only listened to TMA through one (1), read it ONE time, so if you read something that seems wrong it probably is because my memory is not The Best (the seasons are 40 eps long and 30 mins each, Jonny why) and I’m probably straight-up not remembering or misremembering some aspect or detail about either a character and/or their relationship
(and before you say it, i absolutely CANNOT just go relisten to an ep out of order. my nd brain Will Not Let Me until i have listened thru all 4 seasons, In Order, several times)
ALSO: i speak very definitively here, but it doesn’t mean i’m right abt my analysis
bold and italics are lyrics, regular font is analysis. if there’s a more accessible way to format this, lmk!
analysis under cut
honesty that's what she gave to me mary didn’t hide who she was; eric knew exactly what he was getting himself into
into the water i bleed into the sea sea motif/metaphor to describe how eric viewed his relationship with mary
truthfully even when she lied through her teeth it only meant she trusted me to lay at her feet rationalization from eric: he knows she’s lying, and she probably knows he knows. but she also knows that he won’t do anything about it
oh, heave-ho it's over the edge i sink more of the sea metaphor in pieces in ribbons in tatters i'm thrown into the dark of the drink ribbons and tatters: reminiscent/hint of mary needing a piece of his skint to keep his ghost in the leitner
oh, heave-ho it's over the edge i go blow the man down, he's a jewel for your crown (blow me down) and no one will ever know ”jewel for your crown”: suggestive of how mary used eric like an object. jewel and crown suggests that he was useful to her in an important way, tho, still an object ”no one will ever know”: suggestive that no one else, looking in on their relationship, would even see it for what it truly was, nor would they ever expect mary to throw him away so casually like she did
war, you see is somewhere you go just to bleed the end of a book you can’t read (books you cannot read) a legacy’s greed “book you can’t read”: suggestive of mary’s relationship with leitners ”a legacy’s greed”: commentary of leitner; bc this is eric telling his story tho, this could also be about how mary pulled eric into her plots regarding leitners, and then gerry
distantly, familiar hope came to me that even with blood in our teeth my son stayed asleep ”even with blood in our teeth”: eric knows what role he had to play in all this and is not absolving himself of blame ”my son stayed asleep”: often sleeping can be used as a metaphor for ignorance. in this case, eric is hoping that, despite what gerry’s mother is and what eric has been complicit in, will not affect his son i think it’s interesting to note here that the backup voices cut out for “my son stayed asleep” (put a pin in it)
oh, heave-ho the ship is my body, i gave to my wife as the captain, the whip, and the brine, the shark lurking under the waves more of the sea metaphor; also a metaphor for how complicit eric was to mary’s will i think it’s super interesting that she’s the captain, whip, brine, and shark in this metaphor. all things that can hurt eric, as the ship. suggests that mary is in complete control of eric (as the captain). also adds to the notion that eric knew exactly who mary was and still loved her anyway (”i gave”).
oh, heave-ho the ship is my body, she cracks the mast of my spine, spills my blood as her wine (lightning strikes and) i really like this line bc it makes me think of the marriage lines in corpse bride: “your cup will never empty, for i will be your wine.” and i love that it’s turned on its head here. cuts a flag from the skin off my back (takes all the skin off my back) a direct callback to the fact that mary has to take strips of eric’s skin to keep his ghost in the leitner book, while also staying with the metaphor that eric is a ship out at sea
way, ay, i wanted to say though blinded i still saw the light at the end of the hall, in a crib with his eyes almost grayer than mine in the night direct callback to eric blinding himself, twice! also represents how much he loves his son: “light of my life” is a common saying and gerry was that for eric
i gave up the sight of his face for his life and i would have lost more for the same i'd cut out my heart to save his from her bite and i almost don't know who to blame again, direct callback to him blinding himself so he could escape the institute a demonstration of how much love he holds for his son, willing to give up more and more of himself if it meant keeping his son safe heart motif! both for eric and gerry i really like the last line here bc he’s saying he doesn’t know who to blame for his blindness (aka cutting out his heart): himself or mary. bc, as i’ve stated before, eric knows who mary is. and he still loves her. still had a child with her. i also think it’s foreshadowing. and the reason i say this is bc, in the end, eric was unable to save gerry from mary. this song is representative of his statement to gertrude, so at this point, he’s a ghost. tho he may not know exactly what mary has done, he knows who she is enough to know that after he died, mary would raise gerry in her likeness, with her ideals
is it a murder if i made my bed by her side when i knew what she was? and here we have eric, most nearly explicitly, stating that he knew mary’s true colors. and loved her anyway. perhaps i'm complicit; i fell asleep first in the bloodcutting comfort of jaws this also solidifies his stance that he should shoulder some of the blame for allowing himself to love her when he knew what a truly terrible and deadly (literally) person she was ”bloodcutting comfort of jaws” is also really nice alliteration
forgive me, forgive me, i did try to swim with my hands and feet bound to my heart heart motif! okay so this one has so many layers for me: so, for all intents and purposes here, eric has effectively cut out his heart, which his hands and feet are bound to, and is now in the jaws of a shark (mary), who is dragging him down to kill him. he tried to save his son by getting away from the institute by blinding himself but it didn’t work weighted and anchored with love for my son who by birthright deserves more than scars legit, this confused me for a bit bc i always saw “with my hands and feet bound to my heart” as the anchor that pulled him down, as you’d weigh someone down with big rocks if you wanted them to drown. however, in the context of tma, i realized anchor could also mean the way martin is jon’s anchor. eric’s love for gerry was his reason--the person who he kept fighting for as best he could
additional note: these 4 verses are all sung without backup voices. i think it’s interesting that the lyrics/verses that revolve around wanting to save his son, and that are about his son, are sung with his singular voice. i wish i could articulate more what that means, but despite my best efforts, i’m not musically inclined even tho i’ll kinda be talking abt music composition for firesorrow girl lmao. link at the end
my eulogy the carpet red under my feet like standing on top of the sea (standing on the sea) the frenzy beneath don’t ask me why but i really like how this last part of the song starts with “my eulogy” bc you can tell the song is coming to a close now by that lyric. what’s really nice is i can “picture” eric closing his statement with gertrude with the request that she finds his son more sea and shark metaphors
infamy how do you remember me? that fool just so desperate to leave that he couldn't see? i also really loved these lines bc eric most likely knows how gertrude thought of him, and can probably sense how she feels of him now, after his story then i love how “couldn’t see” has a double-meaning here: 1) of course, he blinded himself but, 2) that he was also metaphorically blind to what kind of consequences his actions had, both on him and his son
oh, heave-ho a dead man has only one tale listen,,, i know i keep saying this, but i love how ron turns turn-of-phrases on their heads. bc “dead men tell no tales” right? eric has one tale, tho: his statement bc he’s a ghost who’s been bound this book and kept, for all intents and purpose, alive i knew she had hunger for blood in the water and that means it was no betrayal again, confirmation that eric knows that he has to shoulder some of the blame for the consequences of knowing who mary was (this bloodthirsty shark) and still loving her anyway
oh, heave-ho though, i have one request of you now if my son can be found and his own hands unbound (find my son) cut the rope - don't you dare let him drown (don’t you dare be the reason he drowns) so a throwback to “hands and feet bound to my heart” tho perhaps gerry’s heart isn’t what’s dragging him down, necessarily bc he was raised by mary, he didn’t have a choice. the moment he was born, he was tied to her. and the moment mary killed eric, there was no chance he could get away and then, of course, the gut-puncher: “don’t you dare let him drown”/“don’t your dare be the reason he drowns” are especially poignant, given gertrude uses gerry much in the same way mary did. gerry becomes bound to a different entity and is used for gertrude’s gain. so he drowns anyway.
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alkjdlf i hope this is semi-coherent. i tried to do it more “professionally”--i even thought abt breaking it up and putting it back together, out of order, to address all the themes and motifs all in one spot--but then decided what would be best for my brain, was to listen to the song and just add my thoughts in as they came, stream of consciousness style *finger guns*
firesorrow girl analysis | meme i made for these analyses bc it’s funny and i wanted to share
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chroniccombustion · 4 years ago
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Things I’ll Never Say
From “And a Week is All I Need (To Fall in Love With You)“, part of @souyoweek2020​
Genre: romance, mutual pining,  dorks in love, M/M Rated: K+ Characters: Souji Seta (Yu Narukami), Hanamura Yosuke, Tatsumi Kanji, brief Dojima Nanako cameo Warnings: mild language Status: drabble collection, incomplete
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(song the title is from)
Day 2: Yosuke’s Birthday or Sunny
“Kanji...” he whispers, voice hoarse and cracking slightly at the end. “The other day, when you came over... was there a stack of colored envelopes on my desk?”
Confused silence greets him for a moment. Then, “Uh.... I think so? Pretty sure I remember seein' it.” He paused. “Why? Did I leave it there or somethin'? I swear I thought I grabbed it with the rest of the gifts...”
Souji's heart goes plummeting through his feet. “You... grabbed that one, too...?”
“This everything, Senpai?”
Souji looks up from where he's busy tucking a birthday card into a burnt-orange envelope – one that he folded extra-special just for this purpose. Grey eyes scan over the pile of other cards and small packages resting on his desk, taking stock of everything to make sure it's all there. After a moment he nods. “It should be, yeah.”
He stands from his spot behind the low work table and takes a moment to smile quietly down at the envelope in his hands before turning a wider smile towards the person standing across the room. “Thanks again, Kanji,” he says warmly, and the way the taller boy blushes faintly isn't lost on him. It's cute, Souji thinks, and maybe in another timeline where he wasn't already hopelessly in love with someone else, he might very well have been able to return the crush he knows his friend has on him. But that's neither here nor there, and as it stands Souji knows all too well how it feels to have his affections go unreturned. Even if he's much better at hiding them than Kanji is.
The punk mumbles something Souji can't quite make out but thinks might be a, “don't gotta thank me.”
He laughs quietly, gently. “I mean it,” he says, “there's no way I'd be able to hide all this where Yosuke wouldn't find it somehow; my room, ah...” He glances around with a soft chuckle, waving a hand at the open space. “I don't really have a lot of extra storage.”
Kanji looks like he's about to reply – probably to wave off Souji's thanks again – but anything he might have said is interrupted by a sweet voice calling from downstairs. “Onii-chan!” The sound of small footsteps padding down the hallway precedes a gentle knock at the door. “Onii-chan? Are you home?”
Souji chuckles, affectionate and soft, and calls, “I'm home. Come on in.”
Nanako needs no further invitation. The door swings open and a pigtailed head peeks in, brown eyes bright. “Onii-chan, Daddy says he's coming home tonight! Will you help me make dinner? Oh!” she gasps, pure delight spreading over her face as she spots kanji near the desk. “Hello!” She looks over at a still-smiling Souji, then back to Kanji, and practically beams. “Are you staying for dinner, too?”
“Would you like to?” Souji asks, quieter than his exuberant little sister but no less genuine. It's been a while since anyone other than Yosuke has been over in the evenings, and Souji finds he wouldn't mind at all if his rough-around-the-edges underclassman stayed and let Souji feed him. After all, Kanji agreed to hiding the pile of birthday gifts so Yosuke doesn't go snooping through his partner's room for them (though Souji is still a little irritated as to just why he knows Yosuke won't be poking around at Kanji's house to look for gifts). At the very least, he'd like to do something to show Kanji his thanks, since the blond doesn't seem inclined to let him say it.
But Kanji has gone from blushing to an odd shade of purple, fingers scratching as the back of his own hair as he ducks his head to the side and down. Souji at first interprets this as 'cuteness overload', because honestly, who does Nanako not have that effect on? But no. Rather than mutter about how adorable Nanako is like he usually does, Souji hears Kanji instead mutter something unintelligible – with the only discernible words being “Dojima” and “staring at me.” And oh. Well. Souji is disappointed, yes, but he does understand; if his uncle weren't coming home then Kanji likely would have agreed, but there is still an awkwardness between the pair of them, mostly out of yet-unbroken habit. So Souji just gives his friend a knowing smile and says, “You need to get home, don't you?” When Kanji looks up at him, Souji nods in gentle understanding. “Your mom?” he adds, giving the other boy an out that won't alert Nanako.
Kanji's eyes widen for a moment as he catches on, then straightens. “Y-yeah!” he says a bit too loud and a bit too quick. “I mean! My ma's probably waitin' on me.”
Nanako visibly deflates and Kanji looks like he's ready to combust, so once again, Souji steps in. “It's alright,” he says at them both as he reaches down to ruffle Nanako's hair. “Another night this week, maybe?” He quirks a stormy-grey brow, lips twitching upwards in a tiny smirk. “I'll bring leftovers for lunch tomorrow, too; you should come sit with me.”
And oh, if Kanji's face doesn't simultaneously light up and flush a bright, dusty red at that. “Ah heck yeah!” he manages to crow past his blush, and it's absolutely great. Souji has to bite back a triumphant smile because he will feed his friend in thanks for his help whether it be tonight or tomorrow. He'll make extra food later on if he has to, just to have enough to bring to school.
In the end, without really looking, Kanji hurriedly shovels the stack of gifts and cards into the paper sack Souji had brought out for him to use, and Souji and Nanako walk him to the front door to see him out. Kanji loiters for an extra five minutes while Nanako hugs him tightly, and Souji thanks Kanji again where he knows his friend can't really dispute the sentiment with Nanako there to back her brother up. Kanji is a good friend, and Souji almost feels bad about the taller boy's crush, what with Souji's constant need to make sure everyone around him is happy, but even if Souji can't return his kohai's affections he sure as hell can let him know he's appreciated. So with Kanji still sporting a blush and Nanako finally letting him go so he can escape, Souji says a last goodbye to the soft-hearted punk, watching him head up the road for a few moments to make sure he'll be alright heading home.
It's not until several days later that he realizes something is horribly amiss.
---
Souji's crush on his best friend started early. If asked, he wouldn't be able to put his finger on an exact date or pick out an exact event that sparked it. It just... happened. Yosuke was his partner, a new friend that Souji had hoped he'd be able to keep, but it was nothing deeper than platonic affection - until it was.
Without warning it had crept up on him, until Souji found he couldn't remember a time when he wasn't in love with the friendly brunette. Yosuke was charming, funny, kind, and despite his flaws (the least of which being the boy's uncanny ability to lodge his own foot in his mouth at the worst of times), Souji had never met another person besides Nanako that he'd clicked with so well.
Which was why it had been getting harder and harder for him to keep his feelings to himself. Back when he'd been living in the city, well before his parents had sent him to Inaba and then given in to his begging to let him stay for his final year of high school, Souji had kept a journal. Every time he'd had an emotion, a thought, a welling-up of something inside him that screamed to be let out but had no safe outlet for him to do so, Souji would sit down at his desk and pour out everything he couldn't say onto the paper. He'd filled up the entire journal within the span of a year.
So he'd started another. And then another. And then he'd moved to Inaba and quickly filled up the last half of that third journal with his secret worry over the murder cases. He'd filled another, thinner journal after that one, too, until he'd run out of both paper and fear and anger and stress to fill it with. He'd thought he was done.
But then he'd fallen in love with Yosuke.
He'd tried starting yet another journal, just to dedicate to how much he was pining (yes, pining, he could admit it to himself, at least) over the best friend he'd ever had. But after he'd finally found the perfect one, cover bright with colors like summer, he'd sat down to touch his pen to the first page and... nothing. For the first time in his life, Souji hadn't been able to put his emotions into words.
For several weeks he would try and start all over again, thinking maybe if he gave himself enough time to think more about what he wanted to say then the words would come easier. He'd get maybe a sentence or two in, reread it, and then grow frustrated with himself for yet another failed attempt. His breakthrough finally came while working on some translations for one of his part time jobs – a letter, written from a high school student to a foreign girl her family had hosted as part of an exchange program. In her letter she'd anxiously confessed her feelings, hopeful they could meet again someday. By the time he went to bed Souji had every word of the letter burned permanently into his brain, and the moment he was free from school the next day he had gone straight to the shopping district and bought himself a pretty, pastel orange stack of stationary, sunflowers drawn in delicate lines across the bottom of each page.
Writing had suddenly become much easier after that. In the form of a letter, where Souji could pretend he was talking directly to the object of his affections rather than just about, he found that he could burn through nearly a dozen pages front and back in a little under a weekend. He'd had to make two more trips to the shop to get more packs of stationary because, while pretty and perfect for inspiring words of love and hopeless devotion, the flowers on the paper were hand-drawn and so there just weren't that many sheets in the package. At some point, Souji had just given in and bought three packs at once to save himself another venture into town.
The stack of letters grew; some were short, filled with simple things like, “you smiled at me today during lunch and I nearly forgot how to breathe,” and some where longer, detailing the way the setting sun had shone behind them at the riverbank and“made you look ethereal.” As he finished them, one by one, Souji would tuck them safely away in one of his homemade envelopes – all in sunset colors and tied together in a bundle with red string. The bundle stayed on his desk, off to the side where it wouldn't be in the way but still close enough that he could reach for it to add another record of his secret love.
Which is why, three days after Kanji had left with the pile of gifts, on the evening of Yosuke's birthday, when Souji goes to write out an entire day's worth of ache and longing and reaches for the bundle of letters so he can add the newly finished one to the rest only to find it missing, he abruptly has a heart attack.
He has a second one twenty minutes later as he stands in the middle of his now gutted bedroom with absolutely no sign of them anywhere. Books and folders lay scattered from where they'd been yanked from his desk and tossed out of the way onto the futon, only for the futon to also be pulled aside and dumped haphazardly across the work table. He'd gone so far as to (quietly) pull both the couch and the desk away from the walls to see if somehow his heart on paper had been lodged between them and the furniture – all to no avail.
He stares at his ransacked surroundings, wracking his brain to try and think of any other place they could be. They wouldn't be downstairs anywhere; neither Nanako nor Dojima have any reason or desire to go through his things. They wouldn't be in his school bag, either, because Souji would sooner walk straight into the Samegawa and let it drown him than take something so dangerous and valuable anywhere near where Yosuke could happen upon it. In fact, Souji had made it a point in times past to hide the letters behind his textbooks on the desk whenever Yosuke came over, and even though Yosuke had spent plenty of time digging around for Souji's “stash,” he'd steered well clear of the study materials. No, there's no place else in the house or out of it that the bundle could be.
No place else except one.
Souji's hands are shaking so badly that he's already almost dropped the phone twice before he manages to scroll through his contacts and successfully locate the name that he prays to every single god imaginable will tell him he's wrong.
“Yo, Senpai, what's up?”
“Kanji...” he whispers, voice hoarse and cracking slightly at the end. “The other day, when you came over... was there a stack of colored envelopes on my desk?”
Confused silence greets him for a moment. Then, “Uh.... I think so? Pretty sure I remember seein' it.” He pauses. “Why? Did I leave it there or somethin'? I swear I thought I grabbed it with the rest of the gifts...”
Souji's heart goes plummeting through his feet. “You... grabbed that one, too...?”
(Nonononono, this wasn't happening, this couldn't be happening!)
Kanji hums on the other end of the speaker. “I mean, I thought I did. I didn't check the bag after I got it home, though... Is somethin' wrong, Senpai?”
Souji hears his own voice, hears himself saying, “N... no. No, nothing's wrong. Thanks, Kanji,” but he can't actually feel the words leaving his mouth. His arm falls limp against his side then, and his fingers act on muscle memory, flipping the phone closed and hanging up the call.
Okay. Okay okay okay, he thinks, trying to keep himself grounded long enough to sort through his own head. The situation is grim, yes, but not hopeless. Yosuke's birthday celebration had been earlier that evening; school had eaten up the first half of the day and both Teddie and Yukiko were on a limited time frame due to work at Junes and the inn, respectively, so there hadn't been much time to do anything other than grab an early dinner together at Aiya's. It had given Kanji and Rise time to run back home and retrieve the bag of gifts and the batch of artisan cupcakes the pop idle had special-ordered in from a shop in Okina and picked up the day before.
The Team had piled into a little corner in the restaurant, laughing and eating and wishing their friend a happy birthday until it was time for Yukiko and Teddie to leave, with Chie offering to escort her girlfriend home. Up until that point, though, they'd all been so busy that Yosuke had forgotten to open any of his presents. And so, not wanting to open anything without the whole group there for him to thank, he'd decided to just take the sack home with him for the time being, with everyone agreeing to meet up at Souji's place the next day after school for Birthday Dinner Round 2.
So. The bad news: Yosuke more than likely has Souji's stack of love letters that were never meant to see the light of day. Alright. Yes. That is utterly goddamn terrifying.
The good news, however, is that he hadn't opened them before, and probably won't open them until they all get together tomorrow. There is still a chance that Souji could get them back without incident – either by waiting until Yosuke is distracted and sneaking the letters back out of the sack of presents, or by telling Yosuke the partial truth, that Kanji had grabbed something by mistake and could I have those back, please, Partner? Yosuke didn't have to know what they were; Souji could simply say that they were letters from his parents from over the years of them being away while Souji stayed either alone or with other people.
Only... Shit. Yosuke already knows that Souji's parents don't actually write to him. Maybe he could say they were from years ago and he was keeping them for sentimentality's sake and putting them in pretty new envelopes. Or! He could say it's stuff he wrote to them but never sent, because that was marginally closer to the truth, wasn't it? But all of that could be a last resort if he isn't able to just steal the letters back and---!
Someone is calling him.
Souji's careening train of thought comes to a screeching halt as his phone begins to vibrate in his hand, the quiet chirping of his ringtone now like a shout into his ears.
He winches, both from the noise and from the whiplash of being sucked back out of his own head, and, on reflex, he brings the offending piece of technology up to his face to look at the screen.
And then immediately jerks back in panic and chucks his phone across the room where it lands on the futon now decorating his work table.
“Oh god no...”
Yosuke is calling him.
Yosuke is calling him and Souji has no plan of action and no way of knowing if he's already too late to stop the tidal wave of destruction that may or may not be headed his way, and ohhhhh he's hyperventilating now, isn't he? Yes. Yes, he most certainly is.
The chirping finally stops just as Souji's vision starts to haze over with white, leaving his ears ringing with its echos for a good few seconds in the sudden quiet of the room. He can hear his own breathing, the thumping of his pulse through his temples and his neck, but with the silence now hanging heavy over his shoulders he finds himself more grounded than he'd been just moments ago. He sighs, shaking out his arms to try and release some of the tension that's been curling tightly in his limbs, and as the quiet stretches on, he feels his hammering heartbeat begin to slow once more.
It takes him ten minutes to feel like a human again. Still jittery but no longer feeling as if he's going to go blind from lack of oxygen, Souji sighs and starts over towards where his phone rests halfway off his displaced futon, leaning down to check and see if it's intact. It's a mistake; no sooner than he's bent over enough to pick up the phone, there comes a muffled scraping sound, like something moving out on the roof. It's followed by a quiet 'thump' and then the sharp, 'tap-tap-tap!' of knuckles against a pane of glass.
Souji lets out a yelp of surprise – the single most undignified, ungraceful sound he's ever made in his life – and whirls around to stare at the closed curtain like he thinks it might somehow come alive. Without even having to see, Souji already knows exactly who has just climbed up the side of the house.
He bites his lip, tasting the barest hint of salt and blood. Please just go away...
Sadly, it seems that whatever deities might have once been on his side are now ignoring him, because in that beat and a half of silent fear there comes another knock at his window. “Souji!” calls a voice from outside. Right outside, as if the speaker is perched just beyond the window, with only the glass and the curtain to separate them both.
The voice – the all-too-familiar voice – comes again, a little louder and less patient this time. “Hey! Partner, I know you're in there, I can see your lights on. I just heard you!” There is a muffled grunt and a sound like something shifting and Souji still can't seem to move. Three more knocks against the glass.
“Bro, I am stupid and reckless as hell, you know I'll just keep getting louder until Dojima wakes up if I have to.”
And both from his tone and the way the knocking and the whispers seem to get steadily louder, Souji doesn't doubt him for a moment. To be frank, Souji isn't entirely sure his uncle and cousin haven't heard all the commotion already – and he knows that the longer he continues to avoid the other boy, the more suspicious he's making himself look. Damned if he does, damned if he doesn't.
So he gives in. Best to get it over with and accept his fate. Maybe there will still be a way to salvage the situation – or at the very least keep it from escalating. He isn't confident in either choice.
It's just as Yosuke makes one last whisper-shout of, “Dude, let me in!” that Souji finally unsticks himself from the floor and yanks the curtain aside to reveal – yep, just like he'd thought – a rather irritated-looking Yosuke kneeling unsteadily on the slanted overhang covering the front door. With a solemn kind of dread, Souji unlocks the window and slides it open, reaching out to grab his friend by the arm and yank him inside before he can make any more noise.
“Finally!” Yosuke says, once he's landed, still in a harsh pseudo-whisper as he's standing up from his hunch. He glares up at Souji, mouth turned down in a pout, but oddly, there doesn't seem to be any heat behind it all. In fact, as Souji stares, tense and frozen and trying impossibly hard to not give in to his fight-or-flight instincts, he could almost say that Yosuke looks... nervous?
Well of course, he argues to himself, he's probably afraid of you now.
Maybe Souji can play dumb and claim he doesn't know what's going on – or maybe he can dive out the window himself and make a break for the train station. If he's quick enough he might be able to catch the last train of the night.
“The hell happened to your room?” Yosuke mumbles, looking around, and Souji fakes a smile as best he can, though even through his numbing anxiety he can feel how strained it is. “Yosuke,” he tries, nearly tripping over his best friend's name. The smile twitches as he tries to keep it in place. “What're you do--”
He grinds to a halt as the boy he's been in love with for the better part of a year pins him with another sharp amber glare and reaches into his hoodie pocket to pull out the very thing Souji was hoping his partner would never see. He swallows, mouth and throat and tongue all suddenly very dry.
“...I can explain...”
Yosuke fixes him with an unreadable look. He stares at Souji for a moment that stretches painfully on, eyes searching Souji's no doubt devastated face. Eventually he lets out a long exhale though his nose.
“I'm guessing I wasn't supposed to see these?” he says, holding up the stack of yellow-orange-pink envelopes, loosely tied back together with their red string – though it isn't really a question. When Souji doesn't answer, Yosuke nods to himself as if deciding something. He pulls the letters back towards his chest and holds them... almost reverently, looking down at them with a soft sort of expression that Souji has never seen him wear before.
Yosuke turns the letters over in his hands. “I didn't know what they were at first; there wasn't a name or note or anything, so I didn't know who they were from and I thought maybe they'd wound up in the bag by mistake cuz, ya know...” Amber eyes glance back up and for a moment the bridge of his nose is dusted a faint pink. He rolls his wrist, waving his hand in lieu of words. The gesture is entirely unhelpful. “They just...” he starts again, huffing. “They didn't look like the rest of the stuff in the bag? So I thought, this should be okay to open, right? Just the top one? And I was just gonna check and see what these were in case someone was missing something and I figured if they were a gift then I could save the rest for tomorrow, but, uhm...”
And here Yosuke trails off, looking back up at Souji with such a searching look, and Souji has no idea how to read him right now. He just stands there, chest aching as his heart batters the inside of his sternum and the edges of his vision tint grey from where he's neglected proper breathing. This is it, this is where he loses his partner, the best friend he's ever had. Souji could have been content loving Yosuke from afar; maybe not happy, exactly, but content. It wouldn't have destroyed their friendship that way, and Souji could have let himself pretend, every so often when he was alone in the dead of night, that Yosuke loved him back. But now all of that is gone.
And Souji feels his heart beginning to crack.
“I'm sorry...” he whispers, voice thin and brittle. He doesn't know what else to say.
There is another long moment of silence. Souji is expecting a rebuke, something biting and defensive or disgusted, perhaps, but it never comes. Instead, Yosuke's expression seems to twist into something confused and almost hurt.
Yosuke clears his throat awkwardly.“Sorry for...?” he asks, stretching it out as like he's trying to prompt Souji to elaborate. He doesn't say anything for a bit, just waiting, watching his partner's face as if trying to read him.
“I read all of them, you know,” he says at length. His grip on the letters tightens. “Twice.” He glances back down at the sunset-colored envelopes and brushes a thumb across the edge of the topmost one. “And I thought, if this was a joke then it was a shitty one.” An anxious fingernail picks at the red string. He huffs. “But if it wasn't and you meant it, then...” A swallow. “It was probably the best birthday present I've ever gotten...” He looks up then, and the glimmering, guarded hope hidden in the lines of his face is enough to shove all the remaining air from Souji's lungs.
Because there is no way he could possibly be this lucky.
Taking a deep, deep breath in, Yosuke squares his shoulders, lifts his chin, and steps forwards until he's less than half a foot away from Souji's face, close enough that Souji can feel the other boy's rapid breathing in faint bursts against his own skin – and suddenly his heart is fluttering for an entirely different reason.
Face red, Yosuke stares directly into Souji's eyes and quietly says, “Did you mean it?”
And Souji breathes a quiet, honest, “Yes.”
Yosuke's eyes widen. “...Yes?” he repeats, like he can't quite believe it.
Souji nods. “Every word.”
And then Yosuke's fingers are fisted into the collar of Souji's shirt, pulling him down to crash their mouths together in a messy, awkward kiss. The angle is a little off, their lips not quite meeting they way that they should, and Souji has no idea what he's doing with his hands as he hesitantly brings them up to rest one on Yosuke's arm and the other on his hip.
It's perfect.
They part a few seconds later, Souji's face and neck and ears burning just as hot as Yosuke's look, but neither make any move to step away.
Yosuke's mouth twitches up at one corner in a sheepish smile. “Sorry,” he mumbles, “I wanted to do that before I lost my nerve.”
Souji laughs – not a real one, just a puff of disbelieving breath – and returns the almost-smile as something warm blooms inside his chest. “I love you,” he whispers, and never in his life could he have imagined just how good it feels to finally say it aloud, free of the fear of hatred and rejection.
Yosuke ducks his head as the blush burns further up his ears. The shy, bright grin spreading across his face, however, is beautiful.
“...Love you, too, Partner.”
Beaming, Souji can't help but wrap his arms around his friend and pull him into a hug, burying his face in the soft brown hair at Yosuke's temple. He doesn't cry, but he can feel his shoulders shaking; he doesn't have the focus to tell if it's from relief or something else. “Never thought I'd hear you say that,” he admits quietly, feeling safer with his face hidden from Yosuke's view.
The other boy brings his own arms up to encircle Souji's ribs, giving his back a gentle pat with the hand not still holding the stack of letters. “Yeah, well,” he says, and there is a bewildered chuckle in his voice. “I never thought you were secretly writing me love letters, but here we are.”
Oh!
Souji pulls back from the hug as a thought hits him. He tries not to give in to the little noise of unhappiness Yosuke makes as Souji steps away, having to actively will his feet to take him over to the desk instead of back into his friend's arms. Luckily it's not far, nor does his purpose for being there last more than a moment or two as he snatches up the letter he'd written earlier, now the only one left that Yosuke hasn't yet read. He pivots on the ball of his foot, turning his final step towards the desk into a single fluid motion that carries him back to Yosuke, and holds the creamsicle-orange envelope out for the other boy to take. He smiles, giddy and shy. “Happy birthday, Yosuke.”
Yosuke smiles to match his own, honey-brown eyes warm as he gently takes the letter from Souji's hand and places it on top of the bundle still in his grip, tucking a thumb into the envelope's unsealed flap. “It is, yeah.” He leans in to close the distance between them once again and stretches up until he can touch his lips to Souji's in a chaste, sweet kiss. “Got everything I wanted.”
(Souji brings Kanji a homemade lunch every day for a month.)
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igotyouniverse · 5 years ago
Text
Stay With Me [LTY]
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Genre: A n g st
Synopsis: Taeyongs heart aches for her love but she's with another man, leaving Taeyong broken and alone, wishing nothing more for her to be happy, even if it's tearing him apart.
Authors note:  Wow I found this piece on my laptop and decided to rewrite it a bit and upload! It's really just angst. It's completely based on a song, which means a lot to me, so it'd be totally amazing if you might listen to it while reading – it definitely adds more feeling! I hope you enjoy it nonetheless ♥ btw. Seriously this is in no way written in a romantic kind of way and this is absolutely not what a healthy love should be like. Please keep that in mind. + I hope all you guys are safe and healthy these days.
Song: Jesse Barnett – Stay With me
words: 3,8k
                                              xx
„Ah, I'm so happy that you're finally meeting him!”, the girl exclaimed happily, smiling brightly at Taeyongs direction. Her long, lovely brown locks fell down her head, meeting the glowing skin over her collarbones just perfectly. Taeyong couldn't resist but stare at her every movement. How she flipped her hair back, when she turned her face to look into his eyes, how her eyes seemed to hold the whole universe with all its stars and galaxies in them, twinkling whenever she lifted her mouth into a smile, which could end wars. Oh, he couldn't even count the times he told himself he had to end this for his own sake but he was too weak. He couldn't live without her light.
He tried his best to smile back as enthusiastically as humanly possible and hoped she wouldn't notice his discontent about the situation. Her smile got even brighter, not sensing anything. Or maybe she didn't care what he was thinking at all. Not anymore.
Taeyong oppressed a deep sigh as he looked away, trying to avoid eye contact, unable to stand her mesmerizing gaze much longer.
“He is really nice. You really don't need to be worried, I promise.”, he heard her say as she squeezed his arm lightly with her warm hand, which immediately made his legs feel as weak as jelly. He cursed himself for reacting to her simplest touch like that. He hated it. He didn't want to feel this way but it felt like a basic need to stay with her and follow her wherever she went, like he was drawn to her simple presence no matter what.
“But it's important for me that you like him. You're my best friend, Taeyong.”, he squinted his eyes as her words traveled through his ears, making their way into his mind and body.
Best friend. He bit his tongue, giving her a mild chuckle to overshadow his abused soul.
“Well, I assume he's a good guy from all the things you told me.”
“He really is. And he makes me happy. He really does.”, she said with a dreamy smile on her face. She looked absolutely angelic with her cheeks blushing in the slightest shade of pink while she brushed a strain of hair out of her perfectly shaped face. In his eyes, she was the most beautiful women in the entire world. But she would never be his. It wasn't meant to be.
Taeyong felt his throat becoming sore. Of course it was the most important thing in his life for her to be happy. He didn't want anything more than her being as happy as she could possibly ever be. Her happiness meant everything to him, even when it led to him not being the reason why. It hurt but as long as he had her by his side it was fine, even when he was just her friend. He preferred being her friend than being nothing at all.
“There he is!”, a bright, loving smile appeared on her face as she waved towards a tall, black haired guy waiting for them on a park bench.
Taeyong looked over the man. She already told him how handsome and gentle he was and a thousand other things which Taeyong didn't even want to hear but he needed to be a good friend for her to stay in her life.
The guy was indeed good-looking and much taller than him. His hair was just a bit shorter than his and well-styled, it had this messy look but it still looked perfectly good on him which made Taeyong anxious. He couldn't compete with someone like that. Compared to him, Taeyong felt just like the most unattractive human on earth. He was too skinny, too pale, too short. His lips were too thin, his facial features were cold and too sharp for his slim figure. His eyes wandered over the guy again. His shoulders were broad, not like Taeyongs slim ones. He seemed to be in a  good shape based on what he could see, unlike Taeyong who still felt like he looked more like a child than an adult.
From all the stories he heard about the absolutely charming guy he remembered that it seemed he was good at everything. Art, music, sports. She even claimed that he was the smartest guy she'd ever met, which also hurt. But he just smiled all her comments away, like the good friend he was.
“Hi. I'm Johnny. It's so nice to finally meet you. She told me so much about you.”, the guy chuckled and hugged her tightly, pressing a quick kiss on her cheek which made Taeyong looking away for a second. He really wanted to kiss her, too. He wanted to know what her soft skin felt like under his lips and hands.
“Yeah, nice to meet you, too. I'm Taeyong.”, he smiled at Johnny, trying not to stare at him too much.
It was awkward to walk with the two of them, feeling like the lonely third-wheel he actually was. He felt how the air left his lungs, leaving him grasping for the much needed oxygen silently. His throat felt sore again and his legs barely kept him up standing but he had to pretend everything was fine. He couldn't risk to lose her.
After all, she really seemed to be more than happy, she seemed to have real deep feelings for Johnny. The way she looked at him with nothing more than pure and honest love in her eyes, which shined brighter than the burning summer sun. Her laughter filled their surroundings, leaving Taeyong with a warmth in his body, even though he wasn't the reason for her behavior. He wished he was. His heart wanted her to look at him like that with such desperation it consumed his soul.
Of course he was skeptic for her boyfriend. He already met someone before him whom she was dating and after a very long 2-year-relationship he left her absolutely shattered and broken and he'd do anything to prevent that from happening to her ever again. The memories of her being nothing more than a ghost in a human shell hurt him even now. He remembered so clearly, how she stopped eating and didn't say a word anymore. She'd gone completely silent for weeks. It was only him she had left as her anchor and he did everything he could to be strong for her when she needed him most.
But Johnny truly seemed to be sincere with her. He took care of her bag, holding her hand tightly, not being able to keep his eyes off of her. Taeyong tried his best to take part in their conversations but it drained his energy. Pretending like everything was fine and him not having any romantic feelings for her was getting harder each day. All these years he managed to play his role as her best friend nearly perfectly but the older he got, the harder it was. It's not like he didn't try to fall out of love with her. He went on many dates, met new people but not one of them was like her – not even close. It didn't matter how pretty the girl he dated was – she'd always be prettier. She'd always be funnier, smarter, more caring and just the girl he was so hopelessly in love with.
Of course she noticed Taeyong's lack of interest in girls and got sceptical once, asking him why he was behaving so non-natural for boys his age but even then he managed to tell her some kind of excuse, telling her how busy he was and that he just haven't met the right women for him yet. Of course she believed him. She'd never assume that he had feelings for her. Or maybe she ignored it on purpose to spare his feelings. Maybe she knew.
He nodded here and then, chuckling at some lame jokes Johnny cracked at which she laughed until she was out of breath. He wasn't even that funny, Taeyong thought. He tried to make as much smalltalk as he could bear, asking questions here and there. Questions he didn't even want to know the answer to, but he didn't want her to be mad or some kind of worried. He just wanted her to keep on liking him and needing him in her life but slowly a dark feeling spread through his veins, poisoning his thoughts. She won't need me anymore. He bit his tongue, trying to shake these thoughts off. No. He couldn't let that happen – ever. He was nothing without her. Taeyong was sure, she'd still need him. People always needed friends, even when they got into a relationship.
“I think I gotta go, need to run some errands before the store closes.”, he said while smiling at them.
His head started to hurt and he knew that he really needed to go and clean his thoughts as he wouldn't be able to bury them for much longer as all these poisonous emotions contaminated his mind and body
“Oh, okay then. Thanks for coming with me, it really meant a lot to me.”, he heard her saying as she let go of her boyfriend for a second to hug her friend. He closed his eyes for just a brief second and inhaled her soothing scent of mild peony and rose. He cherished every single second of her hug, feeling how she squeezed his slim figure slightly. Taeyong wasn't quite sure if this would be the last hug he'd get in a long time, nor the last time he'd be able to see her.
“Don't worry. I won't forget you, okay? You're my best friend after all.”, she whispered in his ear, filling his heart with her warmth, leaving him with all these feelings as she let go of him to entangle her fingers with her boyfriend's.
“Sure.”, he answered silently trying to hide his voice cracking, slightly smiling, shaking the dark thoughts off.
He waved at Johnny and turned away, making his way home. His head was full of thoughts, screaming at him, wanting him to beg her to leave Johnny to stay with him but he knew she wouldn't. He knew, she'd never love him the way he did so deeply and desperately. There would never be a future for them together as a couple and at this moment he even doubted that there would be a future for them as friends. Taeyong wasn't sure why this feeling wouldn't leave him. It was just inside of him, sitting in his stomach, filling it with pain and making him feel like he was about to throw up, slowly absorbing his heart until it was impossible to ignore any longer.
Taeyong didn't hear from her for a long while. Hours became days, days became weeks and weeks became months. Sometimes she messaged him, asking how he's doing, if everything's alright. Just some trivial smalltalk to keep her peace of conscience. It turned out exactly as he feared. He felt how his body became heavier and the thoughts darker over the time. Himself now turning into this ghost he feared to become. Once again, he was too weak to finally break free from the spell she put on him. No, he couldn't live without her light.
He tried to be a good friend for her. Taeyong knew he wasn't able to give her more. All he could give her was him being her best friend, even when her life was moving forward, not needing him as much as before. He replied to every of her texts, casually asking how her studies and relationship went. He soaked in every bits of her words, even when her answers came back sporadically and didn't have much content to answer to. But he never gave up – he just couldn't because she would need him some day eventually and he didn't want to miss it. No, he needed to be there for her at any time or he'd loose her.
It was a surprise when she actually called him one day to meet for a coffee, which he accepted instantly as his mood finally lightened up the first time in months. He thought of any reason why she'd suddenly want to meet up. Of course he thought about a break-up but he didn't want her to feel pain in any kind of way. Part of him wanted them to break up and he felt bad. But the other part, which was still so blindly in love with this girl he'd never get in his life only wanted her to be happy and hoped for them to be still together. He knew his feelings were pure poison for his fragile soul but he wasn't able to move on and bury them. He couldn't free himself from this nothing he had become.  
He tried his best to calm his nerves before meeting her but his joy was enormous as he saw her already sitting on a small table, typing something on her smartphone. She wore her long hair in a casual bun, a beautiful delicate golden necklace flattered her neck. The moment she looked up, giving him the most beautiful smile he'd ever witnessed, his heart made a jump, finally feeling something more again as the world which became so gray and dull got his colors back. But something felt odd, he realized. Something felt wrong.
“Hey, nice to meet you.”, he said, giving her a small smile before he sat down in front of her.
“Long time no see. I really missed you! But my life just went on crazy. So many things happened. I had to study a lot and then all of a sudden Johnny asked me to move in with him! Isn't this amazing? I'm finally happy, Taeyong.”, she said while smiling brightly at him, her voice full of happiness which made his heart flutter, yet sting with pain.
She stood up and gave him a brief hug. She never hugged him that briefly.
But seeing her being so happy and lighthearted made him feel the same as his body warmed up slightly, pushing away his cold thoughts. This is all he ever wanted her to be.
“That's really great. I'm happy for you.”, he answered, ordering a cup of tea for both of them. His answer wasn't a lie. He was indeed happy for her – but not for himself. It still hurt.
The next hours were balm for his flawed soul. He enjoyed listening to all of her stories and what happened these past months. Taeyong was just looking at her, smiling and laughing about the things she said, losing himself in her eyes once again. They sparkled and shined when she talked, which made his body feel with the familiar warmth he always felt whenever she talked to him. He was absolutely under her spell, which he was completely aware of. But he didn't care. As long as he was under her spell he was at least something.
She told him how she aced all of her exams, even the hard ones she was so anxious about and how her professor praised her essays, telling her that she had great potential to become successful in her life. Taeyong was truly happy for her, even when she started to talk about how great her relationship with Johnny was. He felt something sting in his heart and how his thoughts started to scream again. She told him how gentle and affectionate her boyfriend was, treating her like a princess as he'd do anything for her, including moving in together. He tried to keep up his smile, when his throat began to feel sore and close up. He wanted to tell her that he could make her feel this way, too. He'd treat her not only like a princess but like the queen she was for him.
He thought it was fast to move in after such a short time but he remained silent and just nodded, telling her how happy he was and that he trusted her to take care of herself, telling her he was always there for her, no matter what.
“It's so great to talk to you. I really missed this.”, she sighed and took his hand for a second, sending shivers down his body, which gave him goosebumps.
“Thank you for being such a great friends for all these years. I really appreciate it and I hope that we'll be friends forever, Taeyong.”, her words made his heart flutter again, but they had a bitter aftertaste.
He'd never be more than her friend. He thought about it over and over again. All these years he never left her side, followed her wherever she was going and he didn't regret a single second of it. She was always there for him, too, taking care of him when he was sick, talking to him in the middle of the night when he wasn't able to sleep or simply sitting next to him in silence when he didn't want to be alone. She knew nearly all of his secrets, what he likes and dislikes, his favorite dishes, which she cooked a dozen times for him already. And so did he. He knew that her favorite color was yellow, like the sun. She enjoyed the summer and loved the feeling of the warm sand on the beach between her toes while eating strawberry ice cream until her stomach hurt. He knew her deepest and darkest fears, or at least he did know them.
“Same here. I'm very glad to have you.”, he said, feeling this piercing pain in his chest again.
The sudden ringing of her smartphone let him flinch. He pulled his hand back and looked away, feeling like he was back into reality. She picked up her phone, instantly smiling when she heard the voice on the other side. It had to be Johnny, Taeyong thought. And he was right.
“Johnny will be here any second to pick me up. But we'll meet again, I promise.”, she stood up as Taeyong payed for their drinks and led her outside. He wasn't sure if she really wanted to meet him again or if she was just being polite. He felt how his throat became sore and he bit his tongue. He didn't want all the thoughts rumoring inside his head again.
As if the universe read his thoughts it started to rain and they had to wait inside the café for Johnny, who was already on the other side of the street with an umbrella. Taeyong didn't want their meeting to end just now. He desperately wanted it to last just one more moment. He needed it to last longer but he knew she'd go with her boyfriend, of course. He inhaled every last second of her standing next to him and talking while breathing in her wonderful scent of lavender and vanilla. He always loved the way she scented, it felt like a soft cloud surrounding him, making his mind dizzy. He wanted her to stay just for a second longer, sitting there with him, talking about everything and nothing at all. He needed her presence so hopelessly to feel something again, even if his blissful happiness mixed with the bitter taste of pain and loss. He gladly endured it to be by her side again.
Taeyong looked at Johnny who spotted the two of them, smiling brightly, while waving. He clenched his teeth, looking at her face. He needed her to stay with him. He needed her more than anything he ever needed before but he knew it had to stop. Taeyong needed her to go and leave him, even if it would destroy him.
“Hey guys.”, Johnny entered the café and hugged his girlfriend tightly. “I hope you two had fun.”, he added.
“Sure, nice to see you.”, Taeyong answered politely and smiled.
“You're ready to go home? It's the perfect weather for a movie night.”, Johnny said to her and she gave him the most beautiful smile Taeyong ever saw. “Can't wait!”, she sighed.
“See you soon, okay?”, she turned to Taeyong who nodded and waved as the two of them left the café.
He saw how Johnny held the umbrella and how she snuggled against him, leaving Taeyong behind. He felt like all the warmth she made him feel was gone and all he had left was cold surrounding him, his world turning gray again.
He stepped outside, not caring about getting wet in the rain. His apartment wasn't far away but he felt like he desperately needed some fresh air to clean his thoughts. He couldn't resist the thoughts of her going home with a man who wasn't him. The thoughts of her sharing all the secrets she used to share only with him. The thoughts of her lying next to this man while he remained to sleep alone. The thoughts of her, embracing this man so lovingly and intimate, full of the love Taeyong still wished to get from her one day, even though he knew it was impossible.
He knew that it was toxic to bathe in these thoughts but he needed to feel something, even it was just sweet melancholia.
Taeyong felt the cold rain hitting the bare skin of his arms and face, letting him shiver but he didn't mind. He knew that he wasn't able to continue his life like this, living and breathing only for the women he'd never have in his life.
He closed his eyes, facing the dark clouds upon him and took a deep breath. In the past, he used to cry a lot whenever his feelings overwhelmed him but lately it felt like he had no tears left. They were just gone, leaving him with this heavy feeling of nothing. A nothingness, so pitch black, he saw it as a monster which one day appeared on his shoulder, whispering all these things in his ears, poisoning his mind and soul. It was like it grew bigger and bigger with each day passing by, consuming his very life each day, he could even feel the grin on its face even though it appeared to be faceless to him.
She had always been the light of his life, guiding him out of all the bad things happening to him, reaching for his hands to help him get up on his feet again. He couldn't stand the feeling of loosing her, of her drifting apart. He wanted to call her, telling her he needed her like his lungs needed oxygen. But all he could do was watch her taking the next steps in her life drifting apart from him, who seemed to be stuck in time.
His legs felt heavy, making his body hurt more with each step he took, but he couldn't allow himself to give up. If he'd give up, he never see her again. Never see this beautiful light again. No, he couldn't give up.
He needed to see his light again just one more time.
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