#like the way she just so completely blames herself for contributing to her dads spiral not just in the sense that she feels like she did

[chisatowo]

Thinks oh so hard abt Kanade daddy issues. It's so fascinating to me how you can read some of her issues caused by her dad beginning or being set up much earlier than his hospitalization, idk how intentional it was but it still makes me feel like biting someone

[escapingrealtiylovinginsanity]

Rewind, Remix, & Replay 6x4

You can read the rest of the series here

This chapter took on a life of its own. But I like the way it led me. I hope you all do too. <3 On that note- nobody come for me.

Kim was slumped over the table peeling the label off the beer in front of her. Trudy watched her with concern. They had been going for a latte, but after sitting in a car and feeling the emotions roll off her, Trudy quickly decided they needed something stronger. They had ended up at a table at the back of Molly’s bar. “Did I just end my career in Intelligence?” Kim ran a hand down her face. “Voight was so furious. He threatened to bury me. And I don’t blame him. I can’t believe I did something stupid.”

Trudy caught Herrmann's gaze and gestured for another round. He nodded in acknowledgment as he eyed the younger cop who seemed to be in the midst of a downward spiral. “He will get over it- he knows you are a good cop. But even good cops make mistakes. Voight understands that he just needs time to cool off.”

“I knew the detective exam was coming up and Brennan was giving me all this praise. And I just… I just wanted my work life to be good. Something to be proud of. My personal life is…” Kim pressed her lips together trying to gather herself as she blinked back the tears that sprung to her eyes. “Well to be completely honest it’s been a complete shit show.”

Trudy watched as Kim ran a frustrated hand through her hair tugging at her locks and she felt her worry grow. “Nicole has been on a spiral since her rape. She was really struggling at the beginning but at least she was trying. She’s flatlined now- totally given up. Won’t leave her house. I helped as much as I can-I'm still trying to help… You know she won’t even answer my phone calls anymore? But Zoey? She calls me almost every day. She’s been staying with her dad more. She says that it’s been okay. I wish I believed her."

Herrmann sets down a Sour Cherry Gin in front of Trudy and a Long Island in front of Kim. Kim looked up at him, she hadn’t ordered another drink. Herrmann put a comforting hand on her shoulder. “Looked like the two of you could use something a little bit stronger. Rough day on the job?” Kim twirled her straw around her cup and then took a long pull. Herrmann took notice and immediately changed the subject to something safer. Something he was hoping would bring a smile to her face. “So, I heard you and Halstead are shacking up.”

It had the desired effect; Kim couldn’t help the smile pulling at her lips. It made Herrmann breathe easier knowing she had a strong man to help support her through whatever she was going through. “Yeah, been together for a while now.”

“I’m happy for you guys. Jay is a good man. He will treat you right- and if he doesn’t just let me know and I’ll take care of it for you, alright sweetheart.”

“Thanks, Herrman,” Kim gave him an appreciative smile. Herrmann might not have known about Kim’s lack of a father figure but when Molly’s opened and became the go-to place for the blue bloods he unconsciously started to fill that void. Not by overcompensating something she had lost but just through the consistency of being there, listening, and caring. Kim thought about the missed calls on her phone. Calling her dad was a mistake- she wasn’t ready to talk to him or deal with their issues yet. Especially not when life was like this.

The older man sighed wistfully, “It’s a shame about his old man. Losing a father that young.” He shakes his head, “Is he holding up, okay?” Kim pressed her lips together before she took another long pull of her drink to give her time to figure out how to answer. Jay was pushing through but he has not been as unaffected by his father’s death as he wanted people to believe. He went through phases of being distant and withdrawn to irritable and angry. Will issues with the FBI and his CI status had also contributed to Jay being on edge lately.

“He is working through it.” Kim offered vaguely not wanting to say something Jay wasn’t comfortable with.

“I’d say,” Trudy pulled a cherry of the stick that had come with her drink. “He laid Ruzek out today.” Kim sighed downing more of her drink as Herrmann whistled sharp and low. “Left him with quite a shiner.”

“I’ve seen Halstead fighting with a perp at a scene. He is not someone I would want to go toe to toe with. He has a mean swing.” Chris looked between Kim and Trudy, “Alright if you’re going to make me ask- I will. Halstead has good control over his temper-What did Ruzek do to deserve his wrath.” Kim shook her head rolling her eyes and taking another strong pull of her drink.

“Adam needs to learn not everyone wants to hear his commentary.” Kim had been trying to warn Adam to back off with his “jokes” for days. Jay's patience was already running thin because of his nearly consistent fighting with his brother. She was honestly surprised Jay had put up with them for as long as he did. Kim didn’t catch the comment he made but she could still hear the distinct thwack of Jay’s fist hitting Adam’s face.

“Ah,” Herrmann felt the pieces click into place. Kim had been engaged to Ruzek so there was history there. Add the fact that Adam tended to put his foot in his mouth and push on things he should let go of and Jay’s need to protect those he cared about- It painted a pretty clear picture of what had probably gone down there. Herrmann’s name was called and he nodded his head to them, “Well you ladies let me know if you need anything else.” He patted Kim on the arm before heading back to the bar.

They finished their drinks but didn’t linger at the bar for much longer. Kim had calmed from the alcohol but exhaustion was written on her face. Trudy knew the girl needed a good night's sleep, some time to process what had happened, and support. Kim didn’t notice that she had been driving her to Jay's apartment instead of hers until she was parking in front of the building. “Try to get some sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow, Burgess.”

Kim only hesitates for a moment before letting herself in the apartment. Her eyes find Jay on the couch. He has showered recently and has his sweatpants and a black T-shirt on. Kim thinks for a moment about talking to Jay about the ride along, Kendra being there and her lying about it to the board, her hiding that she knew Kendra had seen the shooter, and Voight's threats to bury her. The thought exhausted her even while his passionate words from months before about always having her back echoed in her head. How would Jay view her if he knew the truth?

He looks up his blue gaze catching hers. Jay shifts on the couch. Kim’s dark eyes were half-lidded with alcohol consumption. Kim had been upset since he took a swing at Ruzek. Jay had taken his stupid little comments in stride for the last two weeks but he had hit his limit and then some. Ruzek needed to learn when to shut up. Now Kim was pissed at him. He flexed his fingers. The knuckles of his right hand were bruised and slightly swollen. It caught Kim’s gaze as she headed for the kitchen. “I’m not going to apologize to Ruzek, he had coming it today. He has for a while. He needs to learn when to keep his opinions to himself and his mouth shut.”

“Okay,” Kim’s agreement was monotone as she stopped in front of him putting the ice pack she had grabbed from the fridge on his battered knuckles. All Kim wanted was the reprieve of his soft mattress and sleep. “I’m going to go to bed.”

“I shouldn’t have brought it into work.” It was as close to an apology as he was willing to give at the moment. Kim paused in the hallway turning to look back at her boyfriend. “Things should be settled now though.” Jay wanted to talk things out with her. But he felt a glimmer of insecurity in her being so upset about him. Did she still harbor some feelings for Ruzek?

“I’m glad you boys finally got it out of your system.”

[danwhobrowses]

Minor F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Rant - Ross is NOT the Worst

So I’ve hit a little breaking point here. We all know that Friends is iconic, reruns on loop are a huge part of many people’s downtime

But recently, everyone seems to get on Ross Geller’s ass

I think most of it is because it’s easy to pick on him, he’s neurotic and has a tendency to whine and be stubborn. The ‘We were on a break’ debacle still gets argued today - and they were on a break, Rachel even clarified ‘a break from us’, and it’s not like he went to the bar with intention to sleep with someone AND he was 100% right about Mark.

Here’s the thing though, everyone says ‘Ross is awful’ But every one of the Friends are awful, that’s the point, they are all flawed people who try to grow in a way where they get stability. Some may say ‘yeah, but Ross is the worst’ but to that I ask...is he? He’s certainly not great, being snobby, self-loathing and fragile in his masculinity

But let’s consider what the others have done Note: This is not a ‘Why XXX Deserves More Respect’ post, so I’m not all out defending Ross here, I’m just pointing out that his fellow Friends are not as pristine as made out

Phoebe - Phoebe’s past itself is layered in mystery and violence, at some point she stabbed a cop and she mugged a kid Ross, so we will glance over that as her having a past, but I don’t think Ross ever impersonated a police officer, a literal crime, and only got off because the officer was attracted to her. She also implies to be a bigamist since she was married to the ‘gay’ ice skater and also implied to have been married in Vegas, believing that it only counts in Vegas. She also immediately dates her identical twin sister’s ex-fiancé when he broke up with her which is a little bit sketchy, and off-handedly bullies Ross and Chandler, finding times to mock and undermine them. Not to mention the fact that she kissed David while dating Mike, and she also stole a kid’s cat thinking her mother’s soul was in it.

Monica - Equally if not more neurotic due to her OCD, Monica has that destructive side to her too. She sabotaged Rachel’s chances with Jean Claude Van Damme out of jealousy, she dated her ex’s son and she bet away her and Rachel’s apartment in the heat of competitiveness. While an accident she was also reckless with Ben and hit his head and her marriage to Chandler apparently mattered little when she flirted with Celebrities on the roof party. Monica’s hands may be the cleanest of the six but she is not without her faults.

Chandler - Perhaps the most neurotic and self-sabotaging, Chandler is partly responsible for a few of Ross’ relationships falling apart; letting slip that Ross had feelings for Rachel, making Ross write a pros and cons list between Rachel and Julie and taking him to a bar after the break - not to mention telling Ross not to be honest about it and erase all evidence of sleeping with the Xerox Girl, Chloe. He also leaves Ross’ son on a bus - who he took mainly to pick up women, kisses Joey’s sisters and then doesn’t recognize which one he kissed, toys on Rachel’s boss Joanna twice, kisses Joey’s girlfriend, steals several cheesecakes he doesn’t pay for and tells a kid he’s adopted, which is pretty damaging stuff. He also almost runs out on his wedding with Monica, and in an attempt to prank Ross says he has sex with Dinosaurs, and then that he’s dead. His fear of commitment also made him toy with Janice for the early seasons of their on-off relationship.

Joey - I mean, let’s just set aside most of the bachelor stuff, Joey has courted a few taken women, for instance his ex Angela who he wrapped Monica into helping so she could date Angela’s then-boyfriend too, he also slept with Kate while both were dating other people. Outside of dating he also attempted to sabotage one of his students for a part in a show, he abandons Chandler on a highway when he rightfully shows doubts about this movie gig and is too stubborn to admit that Chandler was right, he also threw Ginger’s wooden leg into a fire and bolted and like Chandler lost Ben, contributed to sabotaging Ross with the list and took Ross to a bar during the break. He impersonates a Doctor to get personal information on a patient for Phoebe, tries to steal an award he claims in someone else’s stead and tried to steal his childhood toy from a baby! Joey’s personality is the only thing that really makes people look past his flaws.

Rachel - people say Ross is the worst, but I’d contest that Rachel is far more destructive than Ross, especially towards Ross himself, the on-off relationship of the two had often caused Rachel to be conniving and borderline sociopathic towards him. Most of Ross’ non-Rachel relationships are sabotaged by Rachel - the most direct sabotage being convincing Bonnie to shave her head so she could appear the more attractive option - she invites conflict even without thinking about whether she actually wants to be with Ross, she also does this to Joey. She acts really hostile to Ross’ partners, Julie especially - even Ross was less aggressive towards Mark than Rachel was to Julie, the same can be said with Charlie too when Joey was dating her but not to the same extent as Julie. After kicking Ross out of her office for trying to do a romantic gesture on their year anniversary she instigates the ‘break’, and then immediately let Mark, the focal point of their core argument leading to this break, into her apartment even though she had to know it’d hurt Ross - which it does since this action also causes Ross to spiral further into sleeping with the Xerox girl. After that in Barbados, she was petty enough to immediately after breaking up Ross and Bonnie write an 18 page front-and-back waiver just to justify herself as in the right to date Ross again, in the aftermath of that she also dates a college student just to spite Ross - before Ross then dates a college student and Rachel then dates Elizabeth’s dad. No list of Rachel’s constant sabotage of Ross’ relationships would be complete without mentioning that time she went to (and successfully achieved to) stop Ross and Emily’s wedding too, Ross was legitimately happy and Rachel went to London, professed her love, realised how stupid she was being, and then still won the day. Rachel also demonstrates a lack of independence and petty jealousy of others, seen when out of jealousy for Chandler and Monica getting engaged she tries to booty call Ross twice, the second time getting her pregnant. She also tends to play victim even when she’s in the wrong; when Vegas happened, she painted Ross as a gay heroin addict for the annulment which spirals into Ross having the third divorce he wanted to avoid, she would also later reveal that she remembers suggesting they get married too. She also tries to lump blame on Ross for getting her pregnant even though the video proves that she came onto him and throws Ross under the bus with her father when confronted on why she is not with Ross despite having his baby.

Obviously, in spite of this people will sympathize with Rachel because Barry cheated on her and then went on their honeymoon with the person he cheated on, Maid of Honor Mindy, and because they would also feel that Ross cheated on her too. But Rachel was not above cheating herself: she had sex with Barry knowing he was engaged to Mindy, she would also be Mindy’s maid of honor for that wedding, on top of that she also convinced Ross to let her go on Ross and Emily’s honeymoon, the same thing she was mad at Barry for doing - meaning she was a hypocrite as well. Outside of Ross, Rachel also intentionally conspired to make Chandler and Monica uncomfortable for keeping their relationship secret, she dates her assistant Tag and breaks up with him on her birthday simply because he didn’t fit into her ‘plan’, she stole Monica’s perfect baby name and immediately agrees to marry Joey just so she wouldn’t be alone after having Ross’ baby. In the final episodes she also agrees to a job in Paris without considering how this’d affect Ross, the father of her child who already had to barely see his other son, when she intended to take Emma with her.

As entertaining the characters are they are, by design, not flawless; many times being vengeful saboteurs, having tendencies to be hostile, jealous, unfaithful, judgmental, hypocritical and compulsive liars, with each reaching maturation points at different points in the show (if at all) only in later seasons when they settle down. 

While this does include Ross in having his fair share of unlikable moments, I have always felt that it’s unfair that Ross becomes the ‘easy target’ especially when in my opinion Rachel is worse but forgiven mostly because she’s the pretty face and Ross looks like David Schwimmer.

[justanotherdumpingground]

Chapter Reviews: April 9-13, 2019 + More Thoughts on WT and NB

High School Story Class Act Chapter 9:

By this point, I feel like I don’t enjoy Class Act as much as I wanted to. The presidential election drama is starting to drag me out, and Skye is sidelined because she didn’t get tangled up in this mess.

Anyway, it was really nice to see my old MC and his dad, the little poem for Skye was sweet, and seeing my MC and Skye watching Aiden’s concert while cuddling was adorable.

Even after Lorenzo gained a popularity boost for rescuing a kitten from a shocked Buttercup and Amber recording the entire thing, I’m still not fazed. Mainly because he’s still behind Rory, who has four stars compared to the three he and the twin have for each. Let’s see how it goes in future chapters.

Across the Void Chapter 17:

Wow! So Holmes is the one that gets injured. Well, that does it. I’m so glad I chose to remain neutral because the Jura general just sucks. I may not like Holmes, but he doesn’t deserve to get injured, though Kepler saying that he would never hurt anyone just made me shook my head.

If I can kick both Eos and Pax out of my ship, that would be great, though having them shut up and start acting maturely is good enough.

This chapter feels like a blink and it’s over. I installed the cryo atmos to bring the Atlas back to good condition, and I didn’t plan a party for Holmes, which would’ve improved crew morale. At least morale is still good. The only thing that keeps me interested is the possibility of who might be the Jura mole among the passengers. My best bet would be Rana because of her pro-Jura views. Other possibilities would be Adara and Leona, though they’re less likely to be the culprits.

Desire & Decorum Chapter 16:

On one hand, I like that Duke Richards gets a proper comeuppance (stripped from his title and holdings and locked away) unlike a certain villain. On the other hand, I’m rather disappointed that the evidence cabinet’s ultimate function is to determine the fates of Richards’s co-conspirators. Nevertheless, it was awesome to watch Luke Harper elevated to Knight Commander for stopping Richards. I think that’s a good way to allow players romancing him to marry him instead of being in a secret relationship with him. I also like that my MC gets to become Championess, yet another title for her to rub at Henrietta’s face alongside Countess of Edgewater.

Hamid’s proposal was the real cherry on the top of the cake, and I want him and MC to get married already. As for Dominique, I feel like I need some time before I can really forgive her. She may seem sincere, and she tried to redeem herself, but I still need to calm down about her. Maybe I’ll forgive her when I replay this book.

Great, another sequel hook. Just when I thought I could have my MC enjoy her wedding with Hamid, some stranger shows up unannounced. Apparently, this stranger is someone connected to Henrietta, who believed that person is dead. My guess is that the stranger is the MC’s half-brother Harry or Henrietta’s first husband (and Edmund’s father).

Overall, the second book is weaker than the first one while still okay. I love the formation of the inner circle and that the love interests, Briar, and the MC really look out for one another. Unfortunately, the love interests slowly lose their uniqueness while the getting out of the engagement with Duke Richards drags on for too long. I blame it on the writers resorting to clichés.

America’s Most Eligible Chapter 13:

A premium outerwear clothing looks good on paper, but it’s still a lure to spend diamonds just to see dialogue variations. Anyway, pass.

For the partner part, I still picked Adam because of how I roleplay my MC as. I may not like Adam completely, but I still have my MC pursue him because it fits his character.

So Wrenn is secretly leaking info to Piper, who thought Jen isn’t doing well. I’m conflicted on this. I know that this choice might affect Wrenn’s stance on me, but I also think they should be honest with Jen. In the end, I kept Wrenn’s secret while still considering the option to tell the truth to Jen in case I replay this book.

Dang, Carson has gone the deep end, hasn’t he? Just by looking at him spiraling into depression despite his best efforts to makes things fresh makes feel bad. Still pissed that it’s a premium option to console him, but it’s something I might do to bring him out of his shell.

Passport to Romance Chapter 5:

The Notre Dame trip is nice, though the recycled image from Rules of Engagement made me cringe. At least it was calming to see Ahmed lighting a candle as a reminder of how important the sense of community.

Hearing more about Marisa’s “boyfriend” Tristao just makes me want to punch him in the face and watch Marisa break up with him. It’s no secret she deserves better.

So far, I like the trip around the Catacombs in Paris, especially with Marisa expressing her fear of the dead. It was jarring to see Elliot chastising Ahmed and Sumire for making jokes about Marisa’s fear, and his premium scene implies that he lost someone or many people very dear to him. It didn’t endear him to me because he came across as a hypocrite for making a snide remark on Marisa during the dinner with Yvette. However, I think that as useless as Elliot is, he deserves to have his story told.

Not surprised that Yvette would extend the contract and keep the love interests together with the MC. After all, it would be a waste to get rid of the ones we have. Sure not everyone likes them, but it would be daft of PB to not develop them further.

I admit that I restarted the whole book to buy most premium scenes involving Sumire and not join Elliot in bouncing at Marie Antoinette’s bed. Interestingly, I managed to reach Level 2 for my blog and unlock a bonus scene, where I can talk about who viewers like, asking what they want to see, or thanking them for inspiring the blog. I picked what they want to see, and apparently, they want ambiance footage of Berlin, more Elliot and Ahmed, MC kissing those boys, and personal stuff. Well, my blog’s name is Sexcapades, so that might happen.

Open Heart Chapter 9:

That patient with Bryce Sterling's model is a total nightmare. His constant rudeness and belching gets on my nerves all the time. It's a good thing Ethan showed up to put him in his place.

The group dinner was nice, and I want Rafael included every now and then. Bonus points if he gives his perspective as a paramedic. I'll make him fit right into the inner circle in spite of his insecurities of not attending a prestigious university.

One thing I noticed is that Bryce mentioned attending a college as far away from home as possible. That sounds interesting, considering that he is consistently portayed as keeping a positive face. My best guess is that he had a rough childhood that strained his parents so much that he cut off ties with them once he's capable of taking care of himself. I'd like to know more about him, even if the story puts too much emphasis on Ethan.

Kyra as a love interest left me rather uneasy. I mean, I like her personality despite her cancer, but I don't think it's ethical for a doctor and a patient to date. Not sure how PB will handle this, so let's see how it goes.

MC is finally number one, which makes them a target of massive jealousy? I have a bad feeling about this. Aurora's sarcastic comment gives me the chills, which makes me think some of MC's roommates will contribute to unnecessary drama. I hope that's not the case.

Ride or Die Chapter 13:

Because I ended the previous chapter with my MC in the surveillance room with Jason and Foley, she ended up distracting them and saved the Mercy Park Crew. Talking about giving her badass moment, compared to the situation where she was locked in the vault with the Brotherhood.

Teppei choosing to sacrifice himself to let the Mercy Park Crew escape left me speechless, in part because he's a better written character than the other members of the MPC except Colt. I'm definitely mad at him for dragging the crew to his life, but seeing your own parent's death is always sad. In Colt's case, his father wanted him to live a normal, crime-free life, and it would be a waste for Colt to not honor his father's wish.

One quote that stands out to me the most is Mona asking the MC whether she wanted "freedom, fast cars, the bad boy", and that life, then said it's ultimately not for the MC. It sounds like Mona is saying that all these are mere delusions masking the dangers of being around criminals. Makes me think of the terrible first chapters. I still think the story's not that good despite improvements along the way.

Regarding Jason Shaw, I get that it's tempting for me to defend him because he goes after criminals, but I don't see that as a reason to praise him. I could say my feelings are complicated. As much as I understand that he has some sort of moral compass for going after criminals, I think he's addicted to freedom and power that he has lost sight of what his job ultimately means. Not to mention that it would've been better to hand those criminals to justice instead, and him threatening the MC comes across as hypocritical.

On another note, does anyone think Toby is rather suspicious? He seemed to be at the right place at the right time (telling the MC of Colt's operation, outside of the MPC garage when it burned down), and there were moments when he raised red flags that foreshadow something sinister (fixing MC's car, talking to someone during the party at a junk yard). I stumbled upon this theory on Instagram, and I wanted to know if anyone seems sold on it. If it's true Toby's up to no good, what if he was playing the Mercy Park Crew and Brotherhood all along?

The Elementalists Chapter 5:

I'm enjoying Book 2 so far, and this chapter on the nature of elemental sources was just fascinating. Learning about Alma the Blood source on the MC and Atlas's parents being elemental sources like her and Kane was fascinating. I think that's what makes the twins special in a way. And not to mention that I'm becoming more intrigued on Kane and Gemma as well as how the sources tie into the plot. What if we encounter the other sources? And how do the different races like wood nymphs and djinns factor into all this?

Man, I need to give Atlas a hug, considering the fact that they, unlike their twin sibling, wasn't raised in a loving environment when their parents died. It makes me wonder more of the events Atlas had to go through before meeting with their long-lost sibling.

I couldn't pass on the opportunity to learn the fire chariot spell from Griffin, especially if it might come in handy later on. Pity it's not included in the spell book, but at least it allowed my MC to score an easy win. Can't wait to use it on Kane and any other threat that gets in my way.

Thoughts on Wishful Thinking and Nightbound:

Honestly, I’m more excited for Nightbound than Wishful Thinking, mainly because I generally prefer fantasy and supernatural over romantic comedy. In Wishful Thinking’s case, I feel like it should’ve involved a crime-fighting element that makes it similar to Hero. After all, both stories are set in Northbridge. Thinking of it reminds me of Shazam, which I thoroughly enjoyed for its comedic style and serious moments that work well in the story. As for Nightbound, I may be more excited for it, but I’m still fairly wary that it will focus too much on a single male love interest that the entire story revolves around him. This has been going on for a lot of stories, so if the romance aspect is kept to a minimum like The Heist: Monaco, that would be a preferable while highly doubtful scenario.