#like the phrase (dont go) is stuck in my brain

[mpinkflush]

Jesus, it's almost 3am, i just woke up for my medicine (as i got COVID, again... Yay). I didn't need to open Word Docs, and write, and fudging cry to it.

So here, cry with me if you may.

“Are you leaving?”

A heartbreaking voice called behind him. Pursing his lips to prepare himself, he turned to face the little girl still in her payamas. Her little braid was hanging from one of her shoulders as she held he plushie with the contrary hand.

But her face, oh, her face tore him apart.

She was looking up at him with her big shinning doe eyes, inquiring and panicked. He flinched at the sight of her forming tears in those beautiful eyes, while her lips trembled.

“Daddy, don’t go,” she asked, begged, “please, stay”.

[antmimicry]

oh my fucking god I shouldve known better than to try to view images. there's a reason I often block all images on the web by default what was i THINKING

[woolydemon]

I wish I was good at games bc there is shit out there like Star Control 2 that I want to be insane abt so so bad but I won't play the game since it's Anti Wooly Brain compatible (I can just tell) but ITS GOT GUYS LIKE THE SPATHI 😭😭 look at them .

[hools]

Sorry if this is a weird question, but how do you come up with your drawings? What does through your mind while making them? I find your compositions so gorgeous and intriguing but I can't really figure out how you approach things since everything's very shifty and abstract. It's really gorgeous work, I'm so glad I discovered your art :,)

hey first of all this isnt a weird question at all & i'm really glad you enjoy my art heheheheheehe. there's an incoming large largely unformatted block of text that i hope you dont mind!

Honestly there are a billion things going through my mind at a time while I'm drawing and they all sort of bump into each other and cancel each other out like opposing particles. If you've seen any of my streams i'm usually very fast and iterative in a lot of my process and i rarely ever slow down even past the early parts like thumbnailing and sketching. i kind of let my hands do the talking more, yknow? but even then theyre never talking about a single thing at a time. everything interacts with everything, which is probably why i always end up getting lost and meandering. composition is not independent from color & value and neither are they from texture and perspective. its hard thinking of all of the ways they mesh and react to one another so i spend less of my energy thinking and more of it doing, and then assessing once something interesting comes about it. i guess then i prioritize my Hand Movement Actioning and Eye Vision Seeing over my Brain Neuron Assessing. but even though iterations can come and go quick this kind of informed throwing-against-the-wall isn't really the Fastest. but its fun. and you get to stuff all the unused ideas in your pocket for later.

even though i did say how connected everything is i always seem to start with composition. it kind of affects and informs everything the most at least on an individual piece level. with thumbnails & composition in general i think youre supposed to think huge right. so i Always think huge. push everything as much as you can. start with a crazy angle (not necessarily angle meaning "perspective" but like an angle between two lines) and border your scene within it. take an already steep foreshortening and steepen it further with the transform tool & see what shapes form from the empty & filled space. shrink your subject to only fit 3/4ths of the canvas and build around it to make it work. blow things up (enlargen) and blow things up (remove & obliterate). with composition you have so much room for fuckery if you give yourself the grace to accept the fuckiness.

and i guess this freedom to fuck around and iterate and build and build and build upon comes from how most of the time my initial ideas are very. vague? abstract like you've said. sometimes its Just a song or a song lyric and nothing else (no characters to attach to just the feel and my gut). sometimes its a less than 5 word phrase i felt strongly about throughout the day. in my me-only discord server i have messages in #to-draw channel that just say shit like "something about guitar straps" "thanks for knowing me!" "angel don't look at me" "DITHER QUEEN" (<-been meaning to make something with that). for things that have specific guidelines i spend more time thinking conceptually (the "rare animal" coelacanth drawing being an example) but otherwise it mostly comes out after. again. the first strokes. after you put the meat and bones on the canvas. an artist at a workshop i was at last year when i was in my own head about Needing to have a fleshed tangible Profound concept before being able to start something told me not to underestimate the stories that can be told just by your hands. and i think thats what stuck with me the most.

& one last thing i wanna mention is how despite how much i revel in the chaos of the process ive found how important limits are. i don't like cutting back on everything but i like cutting back on some things. sometimes i cut out backgrounds for solid fills and i love them that much more. sometimes i have little subconscious rules in a piece that i try not to break to keep a little level of consistency. if somethings a big wonderful mess already then i love a limited pallet and i love keeping parts empty and i love being able to breathe a little. yknow. but still go over the top in the other parts you have so much permission to. less is more but have a little more in your art than less. YKNOW?

but yeah thanks again for your kind words and wanting to listen to me talk. i havent been drawing much at all so these arent too fresh on the mind but i think i got a lot of what i wanted to say out. i hope u and others can get things out of this! if i made any sense <3

[murkystarlight]

I've always wondered how people made playlists for characters. Or an entire fandom. Or anything really(I'm horrible at it. Or maybe I just don't know enough songs)

But I did manage to think of songs the new order would sing at karaoke, or just singing skills. I don't actually have songs I think they would sing. But we do have what I wrote down for musical abilities! (This thing was in my drafts for months-)

Jesse

Good at singing. But not very good with rhythms(those darn quick time events don't help!! Arghah)

But like the few songs they've sung their entire lives?? Yeah. The rythm kind of got stuck in their brains. And can keep up to it.

Probably would sing something like... breakup songs, the most. But like, happy break up songs(like.. not happy. But you know.. the 'I broke up with you, but I dont care. You were crap anyways. I'm so out of your league' kind of breakup songs). Why? I thought it'd be funny. Okay? I don't know why-

Olivia

She's a good singer. But she doesn't really like singing in front of crowds. So like.. only with her close friends. But she has a really nice singing voice. Can't reach the really high notes, but manages most of them(even if they're not fully perfect)

I think she would sing more calmer songs.

I think she would know how to play the piano or violin (think she got a good musical ear)(I also thought of her having a dj board thing--)

Axel

He has a loud voice. He covers his weakness of singing with that loud voice. Can't hit a high note? Just scream! Scream the crap out of your throat. But his neck is fine. He screams often, and it takes more than just 'screaming to get a high note' to damage his throat. So he can hit the high notes... well, it does the job. He can get the high notes done. And speaking of high notes, he would sing Hatsune Miku a lot(I- don't know why😃)

If he was to play an instrument I'd say something like.. the drums?

Petra

She doesn't really sing. But she isn't horrible at it. Maybe with practice she'll be better? But when she does sing, she sticks to the easy ones. If there is a high note in the song, she'll just skip that part. Just- everything goes quiet all of a sudden. When the high note part ends, she starts singing again.

She sings anything as long as she knows the song(and likes it) and if it's not something too cheesy(either she doesn't like it, or she just has a big ego).

And for instruments(which.. I apparently also started writing down in this post), drums and guitar/base?

Lukas

I think. He would be able to hit high notes. Like.. really high ones. But the problem is, he can only do it in one song. Or the next day he won't be able to speak. He also has to take care of his throat before and after the song.

Think he would sing jazz for some reason. I have- no idea why. Or country. With a guitar maybe(I'm really just throwing things out there at this point). And maybe K-pop. Cause... I like that theory(also the reason why he can do high notes?)

Instruments; guitar. Maybe piano?

So, from here. I guess... dynamics?

After a while, Olivia, Axel and Lukas has to sit down and catch their breath(Olivia and Lukas mostly because they're tired, low energy. And Axel.. he can still go on. But he gets pulled down since he keeps trying to hit the high notes by screaming) So that leaves Petra having to deal with Jesse. Jesse wants to sing. While Petra... she's kind of tired of it by now.

Jesse likes singing duets(or more people) together. So everyone sings a duet with Jesse at least once if they go karaoke together.

Axel(most of the time) doesn't actually know the Japanese lyrics when he sings Miku. He just copies whatever he heard or sees on screen.

Lukas, actually knows the lyrics to the K-pop he sings. He reads books and stuff(yh. That's not a very good reason. Is it..). If he does like K-pop, he would've tried learning it. Other than that, I think he would know a lot of different languages. Even not fully. But know some words and phrases

Jesse and Axel would sing in the shower

Olivia once cheated during karaoke by messing around with the wiring. She got bored while waiting for her turn(the others only realized it after getting the perfect score three times in a row)

Annnnd I realized I didn't think of an instrument Jesse would know how to play. And I have thought of~ the flute. I was thinking of f!jesse. But imagine f!jesse and m!jesse being siblings and they both signed up to learn. F!jesse loves it amd m!jesse doesn't. But they've gone too far. He can't quit now

And that's all. Thank you 👐

[gtzel]

Help! My classmate is a size shifter!

3.Oh Crap! You're Awake

(first/previous/next)

I had been scrolling on his phone, trying to distract Myself from the overwhelming panic my brain had resorted to, when I heard my shrunken classmate begin to stir. I immediately froze to see what he was going to do.

the tiny figure of Elijah was laying on top of an old folded up t-shirt, which acted as a make shift blanket as well. he slowly started to wake up, rubbing his eyes. Elijah was so tiny and frail looking, not to mention the lack  of color on his skin, which couldn't have been normal. or maybe it was normal, after all, I had only recently met him and his overall complexion was quite pale. anyway, he was waking up, and i just sat there frozen in shock and awe.

he sat up and opened his eyes, the shirt sliding down his bare torso and crumpling in his lap. he seemed dazed at first then began to look around in a panic.

His eyes drifted around the room as he looked around with a confused demeanor. I watched him carefully until his eyes eventually landed on me. When we locked eyes a shock went through the room.

"h-hey....eli" i said softly, raising my hands as a sign of peace. unfortunately for me, it didnt work, as just the entire shock of the situation caused him to shrink back. he clamped his hand over his mouth as he looked at me. 

the way his eyes widened with horror as he looked at me broke my heart. i felt so guilty for scaring him. i saw itty bitty tears well up in his eyes, and i started to panic, not sure how to deal with a tiny hysterical person. 

"wait wait wait wait wait! hey bro its just me, its okay...im here" i leaned closer to his delicate form reaching out my hand gently.

"w-w-whats....whats going on....why are you- what happened to-" i saw him struggling to stay calm as his tiny form shook with anxiety.

"hey hey, its okay im here to help you" i cooed moving my hand to brush against his tiny arm. he flinched back violently which made me feel terrible. my heart squeezed with guilt as i saw my friend look at me like i was a monster.

i cringed "sorry, do you not want me to touch you?" i stayed still waiting for his response. he pressed his tiny mouth into a thin line and shook his head. i sighed, which ruffled his shaggy black bangs out of his face momentarily, and moved my hand away from him.

"i guess.....your probably pretty confused and scared right now" i looked down at my hand, sadly in awe of how scared he must be of me. for good reason too, i could-not that i would EVER do such a thing- crush him with barely any effort. 

"w-what....w-why am i-" he choaked unable to continue the sentence.

"listen, i dont know myself. all i know is we were hanging out one second, then you double down and...you like...started glowing..." i raised my eyes to meet his gaze, my heart twinged as i saw he still was on edge and frantically glancing around. "....and then you just disappeared, and i found you like this in a pile of your clothes. i got scared and brought you to my place, its the only thing i could think to  do" i said guiltily.

there was a tense silence that blanketed the room as i waited for eli to calm down enough to talk. i was about to speak when i heard a faint sniffling coming from my nightstand. i looked up to see elijah wiping away tears, his legs curled up in front of him. 

"o-oh, eli" i cooed silently "its..its gunna be okay" i said trying to calm him and using all my willpower to not touch him. 

"am-am i going to be s-stuck like this f-f-forever?" he looked up at me with terrified tear filled eyes in desperation. 

"im-im not sure, but ill do everything i can to help you" i leaned in closer, trying to make him feel better. he scooted back anxiously away from me and looked up at me with fear.

"w-what are....you going to do with me?" the way he phrased it broke my heart. i looked at him sadly, and he returned the gaze with fear. 

"eli-" i stopped, feeling my own tears well up at the realization that my friend thought i would do something to harm him, that i would take his free will just because of his predicament "elijah, i would never do anything to hurt you, well find a way for you to be normal again, i promise" i just wanted to scoop him up and cuddle him, assure him that everything was going to be alright. but i couldn't, he was small and scared of ME and i had to get him to trust me before i could help him with anything.

he bit his lip and nodded, hugging his knees tightly. i wanted so badly to hold him again, help him feel better. i wanted to comfort him and hug him and tell him everything would be okay. 

"c-can i....can i hold you, eli?" i said softly looking town at him with pleading eyes.

a bead of anxious sweat trickled down my forehead as i anticipated his answer. he looked at me hesitantly and gulped. his eyes wandering up my torso and meeting my eyes as he shuttered involuntarily.  

i sighed "i-if you dont want to its fine, i jus thought it might-" i started before he interrupted me.

"okay" one word. but that one word made my heart swell with affection and relief. 

"okay" i breathed in eco as i reached out my hand to grab him, then a thought crossed my mind. i changed my hand positioning to be palm upward laying it next to him. "get on when you feel comfortable" i smiled encouragingly.

[multidimensional-trashcan]

hamlet but i haven't seen it (yet)

there's this guy named hamlet who's the prince of denmark

somethings foul in the state of denmark or something

hamlet's dad, the king, got killed before the play and hamlet suspects his uncle claudius (is that his name?)

claudius marries hamlet's mother and is now king (bit weird but okay)

hamlet doesnt like that

the ghost of hamlet's father appears to hamlet and tells him to kill his uncle in revenge

hamlet the master of indecisiveness™

to be or not to be

thats like about whether to act or not i think

hamlet is a college student so actually quite young (i think boy started to go to college at age 14 and hamlets probably around 16 but nobody's sure)

a phrase stuck in my brain is "hamlet the frat boy" but im pretty sure he's more of a theater kid

instead of killing his uncle hamlet stages a play similar to what he thinks transpired to watch how his uncle reacts to it

the lady doth protest too much, methinks

shakepeare does love to make his protagonists spiral into insanity

i heard hamlet is a story about grief and i also heard that it's like a mirror, what you see about hamlet says more about you that hamlet himself (but dont ask me to elaborate i am realising my brain retains information i have no clue how i got)

in the end almost everyone dies because of hamlet

hamlet stabs someone through the curtain i think its the father of ophelia (polonius or smth i dunno) cause he thinks is his uncle

im not sure why his uncle should be behind a curtain tho

hamlet randomly gets kidnapped by pirates but we never see it because shakespeare already new how expensive special effects are

i bet the pirates let hamlet go because he's a little bitch

hamlet is A LITTLE BITCH

i think in one scene he just tries to fluster ophelia (his not-quite-girlfriend) by turning everything she says into sexual innuendo (may i lay my head in your lap so on so on)

there's one scene with a grave digger whom hamlet asks for whom the grave is the man is digging and the man responds it is his own to which hamlet answers something along the lines of

one would thinks so for thou dost lie in it

great pun

ophelia actually manages to drown in a brook which is characterised by it's shallowness

its unclear whether she did it intentionally

there are some guys named rosencrantz und guildenstern (probably didnt spell that right) and i know nothing about them except that they die because of hamlet and for some reason they always get mentioned together which makes me think they are an item

many people die because of hamlet

also there's a skull

is that yorrick?

hamlet talks to it

david tennant got the role of hamlet because he randomly picked up a real human skull

hamlet dies (big surprise!)

there's a duel? and one of the sword's is poisoned and hamlet picks up the wrong one? is that with laertes? i know he dies, too

also there's horatio, everybody seems to like him so i tried to not mention him for as long as possible to annoy them (not really i just dont know much about him)

people think hes gay for hamlet

hes not nobility but wellspoken

something something sweet prince?

horatio does not die

he lives to tell the tale

which is somehow worse

while i know (claudius?) hamlet's uncle dies and thats kinda the point of hamlet's whole actions i do not actually know when or how he dies (but i know about the curtain stabbing, the brook and the duel, weird)

or is he the one in the duel?

i bet hamlet's mother dies too

i also dont know how hamlet dies, something with the duel and the poisoned sword i guess, i know he picked up the wrong sword but im not sure if the wrong one was that with poison or not

WHAT DOES THE PIRATE KIDNAPPING HAVE TO DO WITH EVERYTHING?

AND WAS HE REALLY SIXTEEN?

i am very confused about how much there is in my brain about the guy

i do think there must be more to horatio except 'gay for hamlet' but i dont know anything

rosencrantz und guildenstern sound like a comic relief duo who dont know what they're doing

something about mother and knowing about playing with her drapes... (is that from hamlet?)

im sure this is enough for now

please do tell me how wrong i am

also tell me if you know why i seem to know so much about this (even if it's not true)

yes, this was inspired by @weirdly-specific-but-ok 's good omens post and @hello-ello-ello 's post about macbeth

[coffee-without-anesthetics]

I have to admit, I have no idea how you manage to translate. I just had a translation exam and... yeah.

"Urge", that's probably "recommander de urgement" (sic). "Recommander" feels too much like an advice you can just discard. "Conseiller" (advice)? Ditto. Well, let's go with recommander. Wait, how do I spell it? "Urgamment?" (sic), "urgeamment?" (sic) how do I even spell "urgant" (sic)? "Urgeant" (sic)? It feels weird with the e. It's probably urgant (sic). [A few seconds later...] Wait, no, it's urgent! So is it "urgemment" (sic)? Let's write that.

[Sees a second "urge"] err... "Conseiller" really feels too mild. What could it be?

"Conseiller" nope.

"Recommander" no.

"Conseiller" NO!

"Pousser" nope, that one is too much of an active action.

"Inviter" oh. Yeah. That fits.

Then I had several occurances of "how do I write this French word?" Précédemment/Précédamment, démarrer/démarer...

i forgot you havent seen me go mad because of translating yet. hm. [one example], [another better example] of my madness. and also [an example of what a dissection of intention] looks like when i do it and another of [what sentence deconstruction] looks like when i'm stuck

fam. i've been translating for nearly 2 years now. got dozens of thousand of published words behind me, some more thousand unpublished. i am used to the madness and the suffering of it. and i am not alone in the process. i call friends to ask whether something sounds aight, i use [deepL] for when im stuck on a particular word, [context reverso] when an expression escapes my mind. i do not rely on my faulty brain or the guys in my head alone.

hate translation exams with your heart as i hate the summer ❗❗❗ world's worst way to test translation capabilities

like just with your example word "urge". no word is ever divorced from its context in an actual translation setting! whether you're working with books, poems, medication instructions, package labels, or anything you could think of, they all exist in a context that provides expected vocabulary! just being given a word on its own also strips it of expected word class, like "urge" can be a verb or a noun, and in french those would be entirely different words yeah? a noun would be "une envie/un désir" and a verb would be "inciter/exhorter"! Give Me Context To Work With!!

as for spelling, i always think of my professor's favorite phrase: french is just vibes trying to look pretty. except for the set-in-stone rules yaknow (-o at beginning, au middle, eau end, CECI for when C is pronounced S and G isn't hard, etc.)

and i still dont know when it's leur or leurs in any given setting.

conclusion: it comes with experience *shrugs*

[scribe-of-hael]

Wonder what would happen if TFA Optimus got yeeted into earthspark

Y'know it's gonna be funny between an unofficial prime with no holy tits and have no idea why the warlord having beef with Autobots meeting a prime with holy tits who also have history and make peace with megatron the slagmaker

Im so sorry for phrasing it this way it's just funny and my brain isn't braining anymore it's just a jello with lots of shenanigans-

I also love your writing ahaha

I love this so much omg ?

Tfa Optimus in my opinion is basically Orion Pax (in general any orion). Like who I imagine Orion to be before taking the matrix. He is sweet, loyal , brave but is still struggling to be this leader but he's trying his damn hardest to take up the mantle.

ES Optimus would immediately be so drawn to TFa oppi because that's him , literally who he was before, young and not alot of experience. But also sad that this oppi has had to go through so much in such a small time. The losses he has suffered. He feels for him so much.

They are dads btws. This is two big bot dads with dad jokes. A young dad and aolder dad that goes

"I've been at this for years watch and learn ~" //finger guns//

Does the sickest ax move you've ever seen

Tfa like "I WANA DO THAT TO?? TEACH ME PLZ?"

I do think TFA would think ES is a lil goofy but admires who he is and what all he's had to go through to get here. He hopes to be like him one day.

And I know TFa is probs just as big as ES. But funny to think he'd be smaller cause tfa Cons are just HUGE.

Also yes tfa may not have tits for days, BUT THOSE HIPS DONT LIE, #respectthehips lol

Now comes ES Megatron. Oh dear he's not use to this. When comes to the size and the fusion Canon on his arm. Tfa can't help but be uneasy. ES oppi would reassure him that this megs is ok and has changed. Its hard for tfa to wrap his mind around. So he trys to talk with him a little. Tfa oppi is a bit awkward but Megs sees he's trying so agrees.

He's so blown at the different personalities and history they share. Even a bit envious but happy that this Megatron saw the error of his ways and wnates to change. Meanwhile his was stuck as he was,, evil and murderous..

Megs is more than happy to show he's happy to talk. But hearing what tfa megs is like just makes him disgusted, particularly guilty as some traits he used to share maybe even struggles with right now.

But Megs is also like that Dad who's been around is trying turn his life around be there for the kids. Literally lol so Tfa Optimus and these two big boys get along well.

Bonus:

I know the kids would love TFa oppi so much omg. I cry.

I'm also happy you like my writing !!! Thank you so much

[denzartriste]

Actually explaining things in the animorph au because honestly i feel like anyone who does research about this stuff on their own would be confused and also im better than any wiki's /j

Fundy, Tommy, Tech, and Foolish all have the power to morph. Morphing in this context means someone who has been given the technology too absorbs an animals dna (by touching the animal. I say animal but it can be any species, including their own apparently??? Book 12 opened up so many possibilities im refusing to think about), they can then morph into that animal/species. They get the animal's brain and their own fighting for control - some brains are easier to control than others. For example, a lizard brain will see a spider and want to eat it. A bug brain will probably see a spider and want to avoid it, morphers work with the insticts or against them, depends on their goal. (also once they absorb dna they can morph at any time. They also have two hour period where they can be in it, if they dont change back before two hours they get stuck in their morph. Techno in the au panicked, tried to morph back to human, and got stuck in between boar and human.)

^ Fundy and Tommy are humans, so the way they got the technology to morph is harder to figure out than how Foolish, an Andalite, got it.

Speaking of Andalites! If you need a visual reference looking up "Elfangor animorphs" will give you it, but im more explaining what the hell Andalites are. They are a pretty 'advanced' species, with advanced technology and the technology to morph - That's there thing, morphing. Also they can always tell what time it is, which is neat. Character wise: They would rather be dead then captured, they highly hate the Yeerks, have sympathy for the Hork-Bajir, and also are a bit of bitches. Im right they are im not getting into it but holy hell they are - anyways other than that they are pretty similar to regular humans, oh but also! huge honour thing going on. If someone in their family dies or whatever because of someone, they have a duty to kill that person once they come of age. Also they have a rule of not sharing their tech with anyone (the human morphers- or animorphs- got their ability from someone who did not follow that rule.)

Next important animorph species to talk about, Hork-Bajir! That's what Sam is, but please dont use him as a refrence to what they look like lmao. This is also my interpretation of them physically, because i dont agree with the actual thing they look like: So many blades in their bodies. Arms? Yeah those have blades. Legs? Blades! I imagine it as being farming scyth looking, because they are a peacful species so thats my thought for why they have bodies that can easily be used as weapons. Also, they have some scales and coarse moss looking fur - moss part is not accurate to the books but you dont know that. Maybe it is. Also the hork-bajir as a species is fully controlled by yeerks. (Which is why a lot of people in my au think Sam is a controller)

Speaking of controllers! (im so good at segways) Controllers is a term for someone who is being controlled by a Yeerk. Phrased as [species] Controller. Example: Human Controller, Hork-Bajir Controller, Andalite Controller, ect

Yeerks are the evil guys tm. Little slugs that wrap around someone's brain to control them, when they control someone the person is also fully concious, able to communicate with the Yeerk, theoretically able to gain control back for a moment or two, and feel the Yeerk looking through their memories. On the flip side, the person can also look into the Yeerks memories. And Yeerks memories kinda become one with their hosts/part hosts. Very neat. One of their big weaknesses is needing to feed on gamma rays (what is that? could not tell you i forgot. They feed through it by swimming in a pool/pod thing though) once every three days. They have to leave their hosts to do that. They also have a hiercy of vissers - higher the number, the most important. Sub vissers are below vissers but again, higher the number the more important. They also have a concil but its not important honestly. Also, the reason they're taking over the galaxy is bc Andalites gave them some technology once (thats why they dont do that anymore)

Also im just gonna say real quick because i might make charlie this possibly: Gedds are the first species the Yeerks controlled, i dont know too much about them honestly.

I think that's it - currently Purpled and Charlie arent animorph aliens but again, charlie's up for change (Purpled isnt he's very perfect)

[fostercare-expat]

Brought Fearless to kayaking class. It was great. Coaches said he was well behaved and attentive.

And I found out that one of the reasons that Fearless has been acting out is because his mom is losing her temper and slapping him. Of course he is kicking her if she is slapping him. She only told me the part where he kicked her. She failed to mention her own actions. I talked to her and she was honest. This is definitely something that we need to talk with his counsellor about. It doesn’t fit the definition of abuse in my book, but better that other people determine that.

After the great Kayaking experience, Fearless decided to self sabotage and deliberately defied me after I calmly gave him a chance to behave, I counted down from 5 slowly while he stared me dead in the face. So the consequence that I came up with in the moment was that he couldn’t go home with mom, and he had to stay the night at my place. (In retrospect I deeply regret this because it caused me 3 hour of drama after.) He wanted to go home with this mom, she wasn’t thrilled with my choice but she was supportive, he was upset, stated multiple times he wasn’t going home with me, I explained that when he chooses to misbehave, there are consequences. We all sat for while to let him cook off, he agreed to get on the subway, but when it was my stop, he didn’t want to get off, so his mom and I forced him to get off the train, we sat on the bench on the platform while he refused to talk, she eventually got on a train and left because she felt he would calm down when she wasn’t around. I spent ONE HOUR AND A HALF on that subway platform with him going through every tool in my parenting toolkit, he mostly just sobbed, and repeated the same phrase “I want to go home. Please let me go home.” I didn’t want to drag him. I tried deep breaths, I tried just a walk around the bench to get his body moving, I offered to skip around the bench, I got strangers involved to try to talk to him, I offered a phone call with his mom, I showed him her texts, I offered we could talk to the station master m, I gave him quiet space, I hugged him, I tried to get him to nap on the bench, I offered we go walk to get his favourite food, I eventually even did a frea.king cartwheel. I never lost my temper or even got frustrated once. He was basically stuck in this mindset of going home and couldn’t really entertain any other idea. He cycled through anger and sadness. But he really had no other rational thoughts. I eventually had to drag him by the arm and he sort of half shuffled along. We finally got downstairs and I called us a taxi because the 15 minute walk to my house would have been 3 hours at that rate. I had to physically pick him up off the ground outside my door and carry him in. He sat on the couch completely cationic, like a zombie, just repeating “I want to go home. I want to go home.” I offered him a shower, or to go to sleep but he was just somewhere else mentally. I got him some cold water, he just held it in his hand. I put it to his mouth and he took some sips and then said “Thank you” and he smiled. And it was like a switch had been flipped. He was laughing and joking within 30 seconds. He ate dinner and he was able to talk about what happened. He remembered all the things I tried to get him to do, but he just said he really wanted to go home and couldn’t do those those things. He did say that my cartwheel almost made him smile, so that showed he did actually have some brain function, like he wasn’t just mentally absent, and he said talking to the strangers was good. We made a video for his “Future Self” about what to do next time he get stuck in that defiant mindset. I’m going to share it with his counsellor. I think we need to work on three big things

1) Understanding bad behaviour leads to negative consequences. He ended up being MISERABLE for about 2 hours even though he had many opportunities to just listen to the authority figure and everything would get better. Dont misbehave the first time is the best strategy, but if he does mess up, then take the second chance being offered, don’t double down on the misery.

2) Awareness when he gets “stuck” and coming up with some ways to get unstuck. He needs to play an active role in controlling his own emotions. The fact that he said my cartwheel almost made him smile and that talking to the strangers calmed him down a bit makes me thing he does have some control in those moments, he’s not totally cationic. He needs to build on top of that.

3) Acceptance that just because he wants something, doesn’t mean he gets it. His mom has brought this up as well. He genuinely seems to think “Well, I want to go home so I will get to go home.” I tried to talk to him about other option, any ideas he had about other things to do, “but he kept just saying “But I want to go home”. He has a highly egotistic view of what he wants if more important than what the adult is telling him. This happened with the situation with the Principal last year too. She told him he couldn’t keep the beetle he captured as a pet and he damn well thought he should be allowed and he couldn’t see any other perspective.

I’m exhausted. Tomorrow I’ve got most of the day solo parenting ahead of me. I’m sending Fearless home as soon as he wakes up (as I promised him when he kept saying he wanted to go home) and the 3 kids go home at 3:30. I’ve got my mom coming over to take care of my girls and I’ve got a blissful 3 hours without kids to enjoy until I need to get to sleep, and then wake up on Monday and tackle 2 big deadlines that I must do. It’s all too much lately. I’m not my normal happy self. I’m really looking forward to January. Unfortunately it’s only October…

[alstroemerian-dragon]

thinking about the several month period where the survivors (plus the two who are already awake) work to 1) wake up mahiru 2) support her through healing and then 3) wake up peko

and how utterly Miserable that period of time has to be for fuyuhiko

(more under the cut because its another long one babey)

like. okay. heres a couple of disclaimers: this is a repeat, but i have not watched the anime. so if the character dynamics from it are your canon, just know i may not follow that. second, i… dont really think about mahiru that much. shes not really that much of a character to me, given what were given in canon, and the Casual Man Hating Mom Friend Lesbian (and i know she canonically has a crush on hajime so shes definitely bi or pan dont yell at me) trope just does nothing for me im sorry HOWEVER. in contrast to fuyuhiko, and in terms of what, in my brain, she does during the tragedy (which will probably WILDLY contradict literally everyone else’s opinions), there IS something in… her* arc post sim (that * will come back) that DOES interest me. bear with me

fuyuhikos ingrained belief system revolves almost entirely around the phrase ‘There is always a bigger fish.’ there is always going to be someone stronger, bigger, and more dangerous than you, so you have to work to be the strongest, biggest, and most dangerous you can in order to stay alive. along with that, he’s had very strangled views of what it means to be a Man shoved down his throat by most likely his father, so to him, being a man means being Big and Strong and Dangerous. but at the same time… he knows thats all bullshit. hes had other influences in his life, peko, his sister and, in my mind, his mother and other strong women high up in his clan, that have shown him the falsehoods of a lot of those claims. at the same time, he also knows, in the back of his head, that he physically can not meet those expectations for being a man. but… he is one. i think hes Solid in that. so it ends up all conglomerating and fighting in his head in a very confusing mess, which honestly has to be exhausting.

mahiru, by contrast, seems to have this very odd two-part system of beliefs, where being a man means being Confident and Strong and Protective, but at the same time, men are fundamentally Lazy and Stupid and Uncaring. women need to be protected by men, but also men are unnecessary. its… yeah its honestly familiar lmao. and some of this is the writers’ beliefs seeping in and some of it is bad writing but at the end of the day its what weve got.

so, to me, it really feels like the two of them would have absolutely hated each others guts during school. fuyuhiko is neither Big and Strong and Caring, nor is he Lazy and Stupid and Uncaring. he cares a lot, but not openly, or in a way that mahiru would easily recognize. hes an enigma in her eyes. and to fuyuhiko, mahiru is stuck in a frame of mind hes been fighting since he was a child, and as much as he’d try to be sympathetic, his anger has a tendency to get the better of him.

so… sato’s death would only have made this situation worse.

i dont think any of them knew he was responsible for her death. i dont think fuyuhiko told ANYONE aside from peko, especially since this would have been in their second year, after junko had begun sinking her talons into the entire class. how could he trust any of them? and he has to have known about her connection to mahiru, its the only way he could have found out she was involved in natsumi’s death. he kept it from her in particular, knowing she wouldn’t understand, knowing she would blame him, knowing it would just make things worse.

she probably doesnt realize the full extent of everything until… until after she wakes up.

im not gonna go too much into them as despairs, but lets just say that fuyuhiko… is responsible for a lot of bad things, even ones that happened to his fellow limbs. mahiru also did a lot of shit, but hiko i think is one of the only ones who hurt his so-called allies. and her cheery, fake, influencer-like attitude absolutely grated on him like crazy, resulting in a lot of screaming matches and even physical altercations.

so, when mahiru wakes up, her opinion of fuyuhiko is the lowest it could possibly be. hes an enigma, a stick in the gears, a man who hasnt yet shown his true colors and yet is also a violent, cruel dictator, fulfilling every expectation she has for the kind of man she expects the Ultimate Yakuza to be.

except he isnt. because by the time she wakes up, its been over a year and a half since the program shut down, and fuyuhiko is a very, very different person. and he doesnt have a low opinion of her at all. hes incredibly sympathetic to her situation, understands how much pain shes probably in, understands theres definitely a lot more under her surface beliefs that he doesnt see or know yet. thinks it was incredibly brave of her to stand up to him despite knowing he could be violent and dangerous.

and as the days go by, she sees that. sees him interacting with the others, sees him laugh at one of hajimes stupid jokes, sees him smile and roll his eyes at kazuichi’s physical affection, sees him lean on his cane when his leg flares up, sees him rubbing at the scars around his eye when they ache. sees how much respect he treats her with, how much space he gives her while not avoiding confrontations, because hes done running. hes been running for far too long, and hes done with it.

i think it takes a long time. weeks, maybe. months, possibly. but i think it starts to weigh on her mind, that she cant keep treating him like a criminal. like a weapon. cant keep ignoring his humanity in favor of the label of Violent Man that sits in her brain. and, additionally, interacting with the others, with hajime, with sonia, with kazuichi and sagishi. she starts to realize how utterly stupid the rigid gender structures that exist in her heard really are.

basically what im saying is i think mahiru is a he/him butch bi woman because i love to hit characters with the Cool Ass Gender ray. this is where that * comes back by the way thats why thats there because mahirus not a girl but also he is a girl but also hes not. hope this helps <3 also he and fuyuhiko are Worsties. they should eventually get to a point where they can both make jokes about the fact that fuyuhiko tried to kill him and can also have serious conversations about the sato and natsumi shit without devolving into unproductive arguing.

AND THEN PEKO WAKES UP FUCK THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT—

[storiesofsvu]

https://www.tumblr.com/storiesofsvu/756561724151414784/ask-game-for-fanfic-writers

How about every integer of 10? 🙏🫡

10,20,30,40,50,60,70,80,90,100

(or less if that's too much)

ooo bless!

10. at what point in the process do you come up with titles and how easy or hard is that for you?

fuck. i HATE titles. 99% of the time it's the very last thing I do and half the time i forget about it until i open tumblr to make the post. For one shots i generally read through it again and pick a phrase or repeating word and use that. For series: i'll usually pop onto discord with a brief summary and ask if ppl have ideas, otherwise i have a note in my phone of potential titles that are generally song titles or lyrics. i like my series titles to actually mean something and tie into the story whereas i dont give a fuck about the one shots LOL

20. what is your favourite trope to write?

forbidden love? we're gonna pretend that's a thing lol. like, stories have to have conflict and what's better than two people who wanna fuck/date/whatever and either can't or shouldn't, or like, their bosses would frown upon it, right? like, any and all degree of it, not particularly totally forbidden.

30. most inspirational quote you've ever read or heard that's still important to you.

christ. i cannot think of anything rn. My mind went straight to disney because there are so many things that light up my passion/motivation. the last time we were there we saw the "new" (lol) fireworks show and it had this little speech that was all "no go, let your dreams guide you, reach out and find your happily ever after" and it was kinda the resurge i needed at the time to be all "oh fuck, that's right, i just need to focus" as the old fireworks show had a bit that i like, wished on every fucking night and always made me cry about cause of how i related to it. wow i'm SO cool HA.

in high school (performing arts) certain people got to sign the theatre crossover wall at graduation and i got to and i singed it with a Fosse quote but i cannot remember it anymore for the life of me loll

40. best piece of feedback you've ever gotten?

bruh ive got no clue. i dont get/ask for feedback basically ever. esp recently people have been more just "omg so good" or "next part??" uhh... yeah, i dont think anyone ever has minus like a comment here and there with a friend when spitballing and i have a goldfish brain so i cannot remember.

50. do you plan or do you write whatever comes to your mind?

bit of both! for one shots it's usually just the prompt i was given/found and MAYBE a bit of a blurb scenario.

series: i will not start until i have a much more detailed outline and a rough idea of how it's going to end. nothing is specifically labelled and as i work on the story the outline gets longer, more fleshed out, sometimes there's full conversations or smut pieces in the outline and eventually ch's get labelled and sometimes it's like "ch 4, they go to this hotel and fuck" lol

60. where is the most dangerous place that you're written fic?

work. was stuck in the bar (that guests dont have access to) during service time with nothing else to do. my manager literally came in and teased me about not working and then later asked what i was working on and i said "fanfic, but that's all i'm telling you cause a lot o its real gay and real dirty" LOL

70. are you ever critical of your own writing? how much do you find yourself editing (either during or after the fact?)

i'm SO critical, but it's like, when i'm rereading it months down the road and it's been posted and too late to edit LOL. and it's mainly me just looking at old works that are SO trope filled and slightly cringe and include lot of the stuff that i no longer write.

I don't edit too much at all lol. I'll catch most typos or grammar while going/on a brief read through but it's VERY rare i'll actually go back to edit a full passage the next day or anything. Hence my very detailed outlines! i will edit from there to the fic cause i'll add to the outlines whenever something sparks in my brain and i know its good lol.

80. do you try to put themes, motifs, messages, morals, etc in your writing?

uhh... no? LOL. sometimes i do, and sometimes they just end up there completely by accident.

90. do you notice your own voice in your writing style?

absolutely. why do you think there's so much profanity? LOL. but also as someone who writes mainly reader insert, there is a little bit of me in every yn i write

thanks for asking!! <3 (and that's never too much lol)

[aestheticvoyage2024]

Day 101: Wednesday April 10, 2024 - "This was 33 Months"

The 33rd month was a blur - the pace of play is picking up as fast as his vocabulary. Always on the run, squealing, smiling, rascaling it up. He's asserting his independence this month and lets you know his opinion is showing he's got all of his alotted Actingham bullheadedness that he was destined for. And its entertaining. Watching boss baby govern the Finca, his little universe. We shared most all this month with my parents who got to check in on him and his growth on more time before the heat of summer. And somewhere in this month we all to seem to notice a little change. Suddenly here in the 33rd month, we had more of a little boy, a 3 year old, than we did the little toddling two year old. His school sees it too - ready to move him up. Sharp as can be, easily excited, in love with his life - so long as it involves Beyonce more than it does sunscreen. This month he sure loved getting up in the morning and "going to see grandma" and god bless here that she was there for it, most every day - I loved it almost as much as he did. Then in the evenings when it was time to wrap it up, he just loved sitting in Papas lap and reading Mighty Tug, Magical Yet, My Truck Is Stuck, Lets Build A Highway. And I was so happy they were here and creating these memories and these happy lovely times. So healthy for him and his little brain. So blessed to have such loving parents and a loving home for our boo-boo to find his own in. I assume each month from here for awhile will be a lot like this one - with noticeable sizable shifts as he comes into his body and his voice and his emotions. And I want to be there for it. - every day, with the same alacrity that my Mom greets him first thing the morning. I want to be there for it to enjoy it and see it, as he grows and stretches, and learns, and wires up...Stay present and fertile for the changes. This is the good stuff - like when he wakes you up at 4am because the muffins must be cooled down now, or when you wake up with a monster truck under your hip in bed, or a foot in your butt crack, or even when we have to tag team putting on the pajamas, this is the good stuff. This is what I am here for. Every day.

Now the whining............... I dont know - not there yet. Maybe Month 34 will teach me that hack.

Favorite Food: Papa's Banana Bread Muffins- even willing to sleep on the kitchen floor until they cool down!

Favorite Song: "Do you want to build a snowman"

Favorite Book: Mighty Tug - BEEEP BEEEEEEEEP! a re-obsession with "My Truck Is Stuck"

Favorite Show: Trash Truck on Netflix, Buster the Bus

Favorite Toy(s): Monster Trucks from Easter Bunny

Best Phrase/ Word: "I want to watcha william show"

Favorite Favorite: Reading books with Papa, Mornings with Grandma

Least Favorite: Dry Red Cheeks

Big First:  Gave a really great gift to a friend (Otis), and finished in the top 650 in the women's bracket challenge on ESPN.

Song: Beyonce - Irreplaceable

Quote: “Toddlers will attach themselves to energies that feel comfortable to them. Because energies don't lie.” ― Mitta Xinindlu

This was 32 months This was 31 months This was 30 months This was 29 months This was 28 months This was 27 Months This was 26 months This was 25 months This was 24 Months This was 23 Months This was 22 Months This was 21 Months This was 20 Months This was 19 months This was 18 months This was 17 months This was 16 months This was 15 months This was 14 months This was 13 months This is 12 Months This is 11 months This was 10 months This was 9 months This was 8 months This was 7 months This was 6 months This was 5 months

[mosviqu]

do yall ever have random sayings or phrases stuck in your head like i dont mean songs because that happens to everyone all the time but SENTENCES ?? bc three days ago at work park jihoons "nae maeum soge jeojang!!!" kept replaying in my head over and over and i could not get it out of brain i felt like i was going insane

[my-lunaberg]

I had a weird dream about like, an animated adaptation of Tales from the SMP I guess?? It started out in Minecraft with Karl standing in a colorless void with a book and then he chuckled and went "alright, chat"and then there was a page turning transition to a 2d animated establishing shot of Karls house, which was all decorated for christmas and it was snowing, it looked very beautiful and quaint like something out of a picture book. Then there was a cut to Karl standing at the window, watching the snow fall while theres a very obvious poster stuck to the inside of the window. It was covered in red hearts and there was also something in red written on it but I dont remember what it was. Then Karl seemingly notices for the first time that theres a comically obvious poster stuck to his window and we get a shot of the side of this poster that Karl can actually read. It was like, a newspaper article about dinosours ? I dont remember what it said either, I just remember that it said 'fuck' and 'fucking' a lot and ended with the phrase 'fucking awesome'. Then we cut back to Karl and he has this goofy lovestruck expression on his face and since its a dream and I dont question anything, I just go "Oh! His wonderful fiance Quackity mustve left that for him :D" (granted, that does seem pretty incharacter for him lmao). And then the time travel part of the show just suddenly starts without any kind of transition and before I could see the wacky time travel shit my brain came up with I woke up and it was 2am because my sleep schedule is in shambles