#like the only remotely positive things i have to talk about is the media i consume which they especially dont care about

[dream-launch]

How come when people talk about like tryna support people who are in a very rough place mentally they always give the usual you're not alone I'm there for you but never actually make any effort to be there - no reaching out, no desire to even wanna talk - like it's just bullshitting cause they know it would sound too obviously mean to be like oh your not okay? Well too bad don't bother me with that shit I don't care enough about you.

[autistic-robin]

Why “Hiding in the Light” Didn’t Work: Stranger Things’ Psychospiritual Implications

Supplementary Sources: Jungian Theory & A Wrinkle In Time

Alright, buckle in. I’m running on a year’s worth of spiritual awakening, deep dives into Jungian theory and non-dualism, and my own ego’s primary coping mechanism: immersing myself in media as escapism. The purpose of this analysis is to break down the themes of non-dualism and light/darkness in ST (and maybe predict some character arcs), and also to position the narrative of ST as a psychospiritual wake-up call.

For some context: last year, I discovered the work of psychoanalyst (or philosopher, depending on who you’re talking to) Carl Jung. He had a pretty extensive theory about the human psyche that I immediately connected to the themes throughout Stranger Things, specifically Vecna’s mind control and curse. I’m going to break Jung’s theory down as succinctly as I can, and then delve into how it plays out in our favorite gay monster show.

But before I delve into Jung’s ideas, I also think it’s important to define selfhood (you’ll understand why in a minute). For the purposes of this analysis, the experience of the “self” is an illusion created by our senses, perceptions, memories, and consciousness, all of which are impermanent. Therefore, the self is what we call “conditioned.” There is no you or me, just the ideas we have of ourselves.

Now, we can get into Jung’s theory. He posited the following:

1. Every individual has a “persona” they show the world (a constructed self) to feel like they belong. Underneath this persona, everyone has a personal “shadow,” or the part of themselves they don’t want to acknowledge. This shadow is always projected onto others— every negative thought we have about someone else is a product of our own unintegrated shadow. Note: The shadow is NOT bad, it just “is.” It’s actually there to HELP us grow and integrate all the unhealed parts of us.

2. Individuals’ shadows are usually part of their unconscious, meaning most people are not aware of their shadow side or cannot bear to delve into their trauma/darkness and begin to heal it.

3. All of human consciousness is CONNECTED. This means two things. 1: There is a “collective unconsciousness” that contains the sum of all of our unintegrated trauma, and 2: We can heal our collective unconsciousness by healing our own unconsciousness.

How do we heal our own unconsciousness? By becoming AWARE of our shadow side, accepting and forgiving the conditioning that created it, and working to encourage others to do the same.

What— or rather, who— does that remind you of?

Also— great use of lighting here.

We know Vecna has direct access to his victims’ consciousness; not just their memories, cognition, and emotions, but also their awareness itself. This is how he’s able to target and trance people. But it’s not just their consciousness Vecna has access to; it’s their unconsciousness. Their shadow. Their trauma. Yes, he has psionic abilities akin to El’s, but as far as we know, El can’t access the collective unconsciousness like Vecna can. She is only capable of “remote viewing” via the void or piggybacking into people’s minds. So why is Vecna capable of this?

If you want my take on it: the only way to access a collective shadow would be through accessing your own shadow. So is Vecna really Henry, or his unintegrated shadow? And is either really condemnable, considering the larger themes of the show?

We see this theme of non-dualism echoed in Brenner’s NINA pep talk with El:

It’s fascinating to me that they’re communicating these bigger thematic ideas through the show’s “villians”— while the above conversation could be taken at surface-level as Brenner being manipulative, it’s important to acknowledge the truth of what he’s saying. NINA is only successful because El faces “the good and the bad.” This is why “hiding in the light” is a no-go for Max.

Focusing only on happy memories is a form of emotional bypassing. Throughout the show, we’ve been told time and again that hiding doesn’t work. Neither does running away. The only way out for our characters is through their own shadows.

Now, the fun part: predictions. Looking at all of this with a Jungian lens, it doesn’t make much sense to villianize a character or to end the story by “defeating evil.” In non-dual theory, there are no evil people, only unhealed ones.

We know what worked for our characters temporarily (Will in the UD, Max in her first trance, El using her powers against Vecna) was the memory and vibration of love.

This reminded me of A Wrinkle In Time, which is a science fiction novel that’s been noted more than a few times as one of Stranger Things’ primary influences. In the book, a girl and her brother travel through time to rescue their father from an alternate dimension where all beings are controlled in a hyper-individualist suburbia by a giant, all-knowing brain. The climactic “defeat” of the brain is shockingly simple, but incredible impactful— Meg, the heroine, tells it over and over that she loves it. This love ultimately brings her father and brother out of trances they are in, and they’re able to remember her and travel back home.

(Tangent: And God. The implications of that, outside of analyzing ST, are powerful. How do we live in a capitalist hellscape that is so caught up in the mind— in acheiving, obtaining, securing, protecting the ego— that many of us have forgotten our hearts? The answer is love. Loving ourselves more deeply to love all beings more deeply, “the good and the bad.” But love does not negate accountability, and it does not excuse harm.)

Our characters are all struggling with self-acceptance and self-love in some form or another. Each is wrestling with secrets and lies, and the desire to hide parts of themselves they think others can’t accept.

Mike is clearly struggling with self-loathing, guilt surrounding what happened to El in s1, and a crippling hero complex.

Will is also on the self-loathing train, continually self-sacrifices to his own detriment, and is hiding his identity out of fear (not at all villifying that, just for the record.)

El struggled to reconcile her abilities and forced weaponization with her identity outside of the lab pre-s4.

Max was suicidal and had a lot of self-hatred after B*lly’s death.

Nancy parallels Mike in her survivor’s guilt post-s1 and exhibits the same lack of self-preservation and self-sacrificing tendencies.

You get my point. So how will these characters overcome their trauma? Not through hiding, or running, or bypassing. Not through the light alone. Through love— acknowledgement of their own darkness, compassion for the unhealed nature of others, and commitment to being honest with themselves and their loved ones. We know Will is El and Henry’s mirror/foil and will play a central role in S5, and with all of this in mind I think it’s safe to say he will break the cycle of bypassing and hiding from trauma and pain once and for all. He won’t fight it like El, hide from it like Max, or run from it like he did as a kid.

Only by integrating their shadows can our characters become truly “themselves,” or as Brenner puts it, “whole.”

I will probably have much more to say about this after my re-read of A Wrinkle in Time, but for now, that’s all I’ve got. :) Hope everyone is doing well!

[can-of-w0rmz]

It’s always so interesting to me how so many people tend to look at protagonists’ reactions in 19th century gothic media and immediately slap a label on them as “over-dramatic” or “weak”, when in reality I don’t think we (as a society) know what we’re talking about. I think our society is collectively desensitised to concepts, and what I mean by that is that the concept of a story like Dracula or Frankenstein isn’t something that we’d ever bat an eye at because it’s been so ingrained into our very understanding or the concept of basic modern horror premises that we no longer appreciate it for what it is, and I’ve been guilty of it too. So a lot of people take the protagonists reactions to their circumstances, and paint it as melodrama or even worse, get high and mighty and claim that if THEY were in that scenario, they would NEVER do something so stupid, right?

But I need you to take a minute to actually think about the positions these characters are in. We’ve become so desensitised to these concepts, but if we were actually in those positions in real life we would probably not be able to handle them half as well as some of these characters. For example, Dracula. Sure, guy goes to stay in spooky castle, client turns out to be a vampire, pretty standard, easy to point at Jonathan Harker’s decisions and blame him. Oh Jonathan, don’t you know walking through an abandoned castle when your client tells you not to is bound to get you hurt? Don’t you know going to a remote area with villagers crossing themselves every five seconds is dangerous?

But actually think about this. You’re a solicitor, you have a fiancée back home and you need this job. You meet your client, he’s a little creepy, you feel unsafe, but you need this job. What are you going to do, turn back and tell your employer you couldn’t do it because the vibes were off? Obviously not. You suck it up. Then slowly, your world starts collapsing around you and slowly getting smaller as you find yourself trapped inside this man’s house and you slowly come to the realisation that you are being held captive in the house of a creepy old man who has access to all the rooms in the house, including your own, and can enter it at any time, in a secluded area far away from everyone, and with no hope of reaching out for help. He has the power to do anything to you, and you’re completely helpless, and does. You are going to die there and none of your loved ones will ever know what happened to you. Your abuser might even fabricate your identity or conduct a lie to ruin all memory of you forever. Then things get worse, and you realise that your abuser and captor isn’t even human. Throw in the infanticide and assault scenes, and that is a horrifying scenario, and I don’t think some people fully recognise that when they read it.

The very same with Frankenstein, oh haha, Victor gets ill often, look at him fainting every five minutes, what a whiny bitchboy, right? But Jesus Christ, again, think about this scenario that he’s in properly. My guy digs up corpses, brings them to his dorm room and stitches them together, only for him to bring said corpses to life and watch his inanimate amalgamation of dead bodies come to life in your house. Now again, imagine cutting up corpses and sewing them together. If you can’t manage that, imagine a friend of yours came to you and told you that they’d been stealing corpses, cutting them up, and sewing them together, and they now have an 8ft tall giant amalgamation or corpses in their room. Now imagine going to their house and seeing that amalgamation of corpses. Good luck not passing out and vomiting all over their bedroom floor, and extra good luck not needing extreme psychiatric care afterwards. Again, corpses. I’m willing to bet half the people here have never even seen a corpse, and this isn’t even freshly-dead-grandma-in-the-coffin, these are decomposing and rotting corpses of real human beings. Observed. And some corpses cut up. And pieced together. Into a giant corpse. Genitalia included. Intestines included. Everything else included. And then that corpse then starts killing everyone you’ve ever loved and you have the added guilt that it IS it’s own person and you’ve abandoned it.

Which of course, could lead me into a whole separate rant, on how I believe that Victor’s flaw doesn’t lie in his horror at his own actions, and his fainting and illness and whatnot, but rather at his deliberate avoidance of the consequences of those actions – (horrifying as they may have been to come to terms with, his avoidance ultimately led to the mental distress and death of tons of completely innocent people, and his avoidance, however difficult, was still very much wrong and Victor is still very much to blame for it) – as well as the mania and obsessive justification he kept using to reach that goal. Although again, it could be argued there was avoidance in that as well – Victor pasting clinical lenses over all his actions, ignoring his family and friends, which ultimately all caught up with him. It’s my reading that Victor isn’t to blame whatsoever because he’s “over dramatic” or that “whiny”, he has every right to be severely traumatised by his experiences, however much his own fault they may be, he is to blame because at every turn where he could have faced his actions and confided in a friend or likewise, he did not, and it led to the deaths of everyone he loved. Except for Ernest, who likely then had to live with the death of his entire family.

But that’s a side rant – my primary point is, I genuinely do not remotely believe that authors in the past were really any more “emotional” or “melodramatic” than we are today. The only difference is that because the premise of these plots have been so deeply engrained into our society, we do not understand how horrifyingly traumatising these situations are by nature and dismiss them out of hand. Dracula did not exist yet when Dracula was being written. Frankenstein did not exist yet when Frankenstein was being written. Don’t come looking to read old gothic literature expecting a camp B-list horror film, and then call the characters over-dramatic when they react like average actual human beings to absolutely horrific scenarios.

And what’s more with regard to general more open affection between friends in older books, no it isn’t unrealistic, we’re all just cynical assholes now. (There’s a limit, obviously. Some characters are just raging homosexuals and there’s no other explanation. “His form so divinely wrought and beaming with beauty” my ass alright now just admit you had gay sex and be done with it)

[pixl-place]

as much as i have personal beef with nora for the way she does not gaf about the foxes or their trauma (this is a joke pls don’t come for me) i am honestly looking forward to the rest of the tsc trilogy to maybe redeem her for that, possibly positioning those books as a, sort of, foil to the main series. one thing i feel like people really don’t get about the main series is how deeply rooted in the trauma of its characters it is. like some of them are going through actively depicted trauma throughout the series. i think that’s another reason why there’s such a clear divide between the upper classmen and the monsters, because the upper classmen are already in the process of healing from or at least bettering themselves a little bit in terms of their trauma. the only time the monsters are even remotely close to that is andrew and aaron going to sessions with bee. for the most part, they’re actively going through events that are traumatic. the series is not about them healing, which is why i think a lot of the fandom becomes so divided about characterization, we are not necessary seeing them for their true selves, we are seeing them through the lens of unhealthy coping mechanisms and layers of pain. but back to my original point about tsc it really centers the idea of healing in a way that (don’t even get my started on the extra content 🙄) the foxes never get to experience in their books. i’ve seen a lot of people be like oh yeah i can’t wait for more angst, and yes, there’s no easy way to heal from trauma, it is extremely rough so there will undoubtedly be angst moments from jean and maybe even jeremy if we find out what’s up with him. but i think a really key thing to talk about is that the sadness is a jumping point for happiness and healing. like the romance aspect of the story is important because we are seeing them heal together and actually get good things ! sure it’s important that they do reflect on that trauma which will means that trauma is present in the books (angst hours) but i do really like that tsc is tame and “boring”, that they get boba and coffee, and get to live like normal college kids despite it all. i would really love more of the fandom to embrace that for the foxes too tbh. again with all love to her, i think nora accidentally built them into a trauma prison and it would be nice to see all of the characters escaping out of that.

tldr: i’m sick of people only liking this series for its sucky shit cause i would like to see characters healing depicted in media !! (esp to this quite accurate degree)

[yourtoradorasextendedwarranty]

You are not ACAB. You're an asshole

SO this post has been a long time coming and I have sent a rant to several people to look over it for me just so I could get opinions. And most agreed with what I had to say. However it was mean, callous, and too "I'm ok being an shithead" for my taste.

If I am being 100% honest, people hate cops just to hate cops. It's not because there are cops that do wrong. It's just because they are told to/programmed to hate cops. Ok, so why do I say that?

Well a few reasons.

For the past 40 years *minimum* it has been a point of the media to showcase any time a cop does anything bad. Because what better way to "Reach the people" than to assuage them with a "Hello fellow Americans. Doesn't it suck with cops get on our ass about stuff".

Social media has been using bait for years in order to get more traffic to more links and articles. This alone has made rage baiting as an entirety more of an issue.

Because of both of the above, there was a time when alt media *at the time* and social media worked in tandem to constantly show off instances of cops being assholes or outright doing things that were illegal.

So what does this mean. Well it means that you are under a notion that is already provided to you. "Cops are ruthless bad guys that don't do anything for anyone at all".

Except that's not even remotely true. What is true is that often, any positive stories involving cops is buried or glossed over and only ever talked about in very local reports. What's more a cops job is to do the right thing. So when a cop does do the right thing, the understanding is that they are not meant to receive praise. However, that is lopsided in how it works. It more or less means that you are under the LARGEST of microscopes, and if you fuck up at ALL, then you end up as a youtube video that reinforces that "Cops are bad guys" or "Cops are stupid and annoying". Rather than the truth which is that cops themselves are human beings.

Now. I can already see the comment from the shitheads. "ACAB EXISTS BECAUSE-" Shut it. I don't care. Unlike most of you I understand nuance. And more than that, I've had poor run-in's with cops. I have also had to work along side them as private security as well. And my mother, who's not shy about telling people they fucked up, worked as Dispatch and as a Secretary for the PD in the small city we lived in. "Oh well then your brainwashed", you can say that but it does not make you right.

Unlike you, clearly I'm able to think critically about subjects where as you are not. Am I a "Back the Blue" cultist? Absolutely not. I'm solely in the camp of Abolish Unions and hold officers to account for what they do wrong.

However, having said that, Cops duty to uphold the law sometimes manifests in ways that we don't like. Like Uvalde. The cops were in their rights to stop the shooter, but the top brass would have decimated any officer that decided to not follow his order of standing down. I don't think that's ok. Hell that entire chain of command should have faced a lawsuit. But where they DID properly enforce the law, is stopping parents from going in. Because had a parent gone by cops in order to stop the shooter, at that point, it legally could have been considered vigilantism.

Regardless of the moral implications of that, fact is, that's the truth.

So why am I making this post? Mostly because ignorant people exist in this world and their only reason for living at all is just to hate. "All cops are bastards"? Are you so sure? I wonder how many people in the US over the past 100+ years have been saved by cops. I wonder how many kids have been rescued from abuse. I wonder how many women have been saved from rape. I wonder how many kids have been save from gang violence or drug dealing.

Saying, "All cops are bastards" is no different than saying, "Yes all men". Functionally you are saying the same thing. And while you may say, "Hey that's not the same one is an immutable trait and the other is a job", to which I'll say, sure. Except you are making a gross generalization. Which IS the same. And ignores every single decent, good, great cop that exists out there. And every single good cop that has ever existed.

In my last post talking about this, I stated that people that are ACAB don't really hate cops. They just hate that they can't break the law without consequences. And I still believe that, but let me add a bit of nuance to that.

Most of the people that hate cops are programmed to hate cops. Because, like the media does, it picks something that will engage you, and will put it in front of you any way it knows how to. There are also a lot of people out there that hate cops because they can't break the law. That's also very true.

However there is another group that exists and it's Anarchists. Now, I have followers and people that I follow that are Anarchists. And while I view them as different from Tankies, Fundamentally they share the same, "Ideal Utopia" idea. Which is that, "Under my ideals, the world would be better". Except it won't be. It will be warlords and dictators forming groups. Assuming that we don't get taken over by Islamic Extremists, China, or the UN. Their ideals aside, they hate "The State" in all it's forms. And if you are fine with any form of "State" they will quite literally go off on a tirade of why you are a bootlicker. *Sigh*

Now, the last of these groups is just people that either 1) Do not understand what goes into being a cop and just hates them based on baseless notions, or 2) People that have had bad run-in's with cops and take that notion out on ALL cops.

So for these last two sets, things are difficult to deal with. Because they will go out of their way often to not care about how hard it is to be a cop. What do I mean?

Well for starters, cops are expected to be perfect at all times.

Perfect Aim

Perfect knowledge of all laws both federal and local

Perfect judgement at all times

Perfect execution of force at all times

Perfect response at all times

Perfect awareness of surroundings at all times

Perfect ability to listen to the law but also not piss off people breaking the law

And I could go on. Humans are fundamentally imperfect. They always will be. So expecting a cop to be perfect is like asking your SO where they want to eat every day for a month and them knowing right away. Unless you're a LIAR it's not going to happen. Same such, cops can't be perfect. Combine that with having to both uphold the law AND be sure to follow the law at the same time, then combine that with the dangers of the job, the fact that human beings are ANIMALS that are violent by nature, and unpredictable on top of which, with use of force laws. And yeah. You don't have a good time. It becomes a huge issue of people that are like, "Why didn't just just tase him?" or "Why didn't you just shot the gun out of his hand" or better yet, "He only had a knife and was threatening to kill someone. Why'd did you have to shoot him, you are not judge jury and executioner."

And that's where you are both right and wrong.

Right in the fact that they are not a Jury. Wrong about the fact that they are not acting in their capacity to judge a situation, and execute those that are too great a risk to subdue. And if you ever talk to a person that does MMA, subduing a person is not as easy as you think. More over, Tasers are not considered, "non-lethal". In a lot of cases they are considered lethal because you are delivering a shock, meant to incapacitate someone. Meaning that you have the risk of permanently injuring them, OR killing them if their heart stops. Hell you could also in theory turn them into a vegetable.

But sadly no one considers all of these things. And only people familiar with cops and how their jobs work, know any of this.

Am I justifying bad, or even evil cops with this post? No. I think cops fundamentally need more training. I also think that they need frequent psychological evaluations to see the effect of the work on them. Because some of the things you see in your capacity as an officer can be gruesome. Dead bodies. People that have been mutilated. Dead kids from drugs or gang shootings. And the list goes on and on and on.

Recently I made a post talking about how since the summer of 2020, there have been less good cops. And fact is, because of the 2020 riots, a lot of good cops did quit their jobs. That's a fact. Many actually put in for early retirement. And not because "They were being held to account". No. It was because they were told, "If you do your job, we will riot outside your station. Firebomb your cars and homes, and we will find a way to railroad you into prison".

So what do we see in NY and LA? Car break ins. Looting. Beatings in the streets. Cops that will literally stand down while people are being hurt. Why? Because why the hell would anyone be a cop when you are under a microscope SO LARGE, that even the SMALLEST twitch in the wrong direction could end your career and possibly your life.

It's easy to say, "Yeah I'd stop those looters and assaulters". Sure. Right up until the are a protected class. Then enjoy your media crucifixion, loss of work and likely stint in jail. As well as your family getting death threats for years to come. So given all this, I made a point that a lot of hires over the last 3 years have probably been scraping the bottom of the barrel. Because in truth, knowing all the above, why WOULD anyone be a cop? Certainly there are still good cops. But a lot of the good ones quit.

What's more, Now a days it's better as a cop to just NOT enforce the law. Because why risk everything I mentioned. You protect the law and you make the conservatives happy but piss off the woke. And the woke currently more or less control law and media. Good luck getting shanked in jail. If you don't uphold the law, you piss off people who want you to enforce it but you probably get to live another day.

At that point you may say, "OK so why be a cop at all then", and the answer is easy. It's a job. And it pays. Why excel at all when you are expected to be a bastion of perfection? What's that? Didn't use the PERFECT amount of force? Death Penalty. Oh? You shot a guy that pulled a gun on you and you didn't just take the shots to the chest? Well clearly you deserve to be put in jail for the rest of your life.

Cops are treated like they are supposed to be absolutely perfect at all times and it's stupid. I HATE police unions mind you. But you know what I hate more. People that have no idea the risk to their lives that cops are put through day to day just for putting on the badge. The fact that cops NEED wiggle room within the law in order to enforce it.

Remember "Hands up don't shoot"? Yeah. So do I. I also remember that it was a fucking lie, and that there are people to this day that still believe that lie. And if not for Police Unions, he might have rotted in jail for the rest of his life. There is no PEFECT in this life. Not for cops, not for anyone. Cops are not superheroes. They don't swing in on a web shooter and punch the bad guy JUST hard enough to knock him out without killing him. And with morality as fucked up as it is in the west, even just in the US, Law enforcement is in a no win situation. At all times.

But I want to find every person that has ever been saved by cops, and force you to tell those people that all cops are bad. And tell them about how whatever they were saved from doesn't matter because "ALL cops are bad". Tell the women that were possibly saved from rape, "You should have just been raped. Cops are all evil." Or tell the kid that was saved from the person that kidnapped them, "Yeah no, you should have just been a sex slave. Cops are bastards and clearly they didn't WANT to help you". Stop making assessments about ALL of any group of people. Because the likelihood that you'll be right is near zero.

There are good cops. And there are bad cops. Police Unions need heavy reformation. Accountability needs to actually be able to happen. And people need to understand how hard cops actually have it. All of these things can be true at the same time. And none of it is justifying evil or bad cops or even ones that don't enforce the law. It's a nuanced topic. And as such, it should be treated so.

[unbidden-yidden-deactivated20240]

This is extremely long and apparently subject to change, which is part of why I'm copy-pasting this version below. I don't agree with significant parts of it (in particular, I take umbrage with some of the delegitimizing language she uses for the Jewish/Israeli narrative and history that she doesn't use with the Palestinian narrative and history), however, I think it's a really really important read, because she addresses a lot of the real problems with the current discourse and real-world impacts that has.

I think this paragraph in particular was something I needed to read:

Arguing with the far left is a waste of time. They have no self-awareness, they are delusional, and they will never stop. They are as fanatical as any of the mob. The only way to make them stop talking is to actually sort this problem once and for all and work for the freedom and dignity of all. And when all is said and done, the ones that will keep complaining will finally be exposed for what they truly are.

She also winds up positing the A Land For All solution as the most likely to succeed, which I do agree is probably correct, for the main reason she argues, which is that it is the option that gives the most people the greatest amount of what they want, the basics of what everyone needs, and hews most closely with answering the competing narratives that exist.

There is No Magic Peace Fairy. Version 2

For anyone who might have read the previous version of this piece of writing, this is quite different from the original. Its spirit and essence are the same, but much has been added. It is very long, but it seeks to understand some extremely complicated and difficult things.

I should have realised when I first wrote it, and then sought to follow its instruction — to listen and learn from a wide spectrum of other people — that it was only ever going to be a working and evolving piece of work. This is version 2. There may yet be a version 3, 4 or 5.

Why did I even write it? Initially — truthfully, and honestly — it has been for myself. It started as catharsis, and it has become a compulsion — the way to “make it make sense.” The way to cope with horrifying scenes across the television and social media, witnessed day after day, and feeling utterly powerless to stop it.

It comes from years of witnessing, and sometimes partaking in long and sometimes very bitter family arguments. Arguments that became spectator sport for friends who would come over especially because they knew they would happen. Arguments that, in retrospect were not actually remotely funny for those of us living through that constant emotional turmoil, nor considering the subject matter. It has been the way to work through those conflicted feelings, and some things that were never really reconciled.

So, yes, it started for myself. But now I have written it, I do want people to read it. I think it may help others to work through some of the same things. And then it would have been worthwhile, especially if it may help some people to find a way to salvage lost friendships and lost relationships from the last few months, because it seems there is a giant rift forming in our communities in Britain.

This has nothing to do with ‘both sidsing’ anything, and it has everything to do with problem-solving. As far as I am concerned, in all of life, you cannot solve a problem that you do not understand. And I really want to understand it. So, I look at both narratives that the Palestinians and Israelis know as the history of their peoples, and think about the lives of individual Palestinians and Israelis, and then I wonder, how could this ever actually be fixed? Is there really any hope for the future?

It is not meant to justify or apologise for anything anyone has done.

I am sure this writing will includes things that almost everybody will take issue with, but it is my hope that by doing my very best to do justice to our collective stories that people can read without anger what it is that I have to say — and please do read to the very the end if you are intending to pass judgement on what that is.

Most of all, I think this will interest people in the diaspora with family, friends, and personal links and connections to the region — Israel or the Occupied Palestinian territories — who wish nothing more than to see their friends and family living in freedom, with dignity and security.

If you have read version 1, the stories of the 15-year-olds have only minor additions, but the narratives and the rest of the article have changed a lot. If you get to a bit that sounds very familiar, skip a bit further down — it is very long to read it twice.

~~~~~

What is the most important narrative of the Palestinian people?

(You do not have to agree with this — I am just telling it how it is told).

Something like –

“The defining event of our history is the Nakba (Catastrophe)

Before 1948, we used to live in Palestine. We loved Palestine. We lived there for centuries. We lived peacefully. We had a deep spiritual and emotional connection to the land. Our ancestors are buried there. Religious sites — Christian, Muslim, Jewish — that had great meaning to all of us were there. It was a rich tapestry of different religions and cultures containing a beautiful and sacred shared heritage.

We had wonderful villages and beloved homes that we built with our own hands. We had gardens with trees and plants that our grandparents planted. We had treasured possessions. We had friends and families and good lives. We could go and come as we pleased.

We had neighbours of all faiths, including Jewish neighbours. We lived contendly together. Some of them had been there for centuries just like us and we liked them, we lived there together happily and in peace.

In the 1900s, more and more started to come. They were fleeing persecution. We gave them refuge. We had no problem with them coming. They were being hounded in Europe and they needed somewhere else to go. Where better for them to be but here in Palestine, where the history of their people was born? And many of them were respectful and we had good relationships with them. We liked them.

But some of them wanted a country. Some of them fought with us, and some of them attacked us, and terrorised us. How could they have had a country in our land? We had been there for generations, and what would have become of us if we had agreed to it? Where would they have stopped? The problem was never them. It was them trying to make a country. And if they hadn’t tried to make a country, everything would have been okay. We could have had a country all of us together. What a beautiful country it could have been. But the country they wanted did not include us.

Some of them were clear they would have kept going until they got more and more of our land, and there is no question they would always have driven us away. Some of their leaders where unashamed and brazen in the way they looked down on us, in their statements that dehumanised us, in their disdain for us, in their colonial intent. They under-estimated us.

The Nakba (catastrophe) was a disaster for our people. In 1948, there was a war. During that war, the Israelis attacked us, killed us, stole our property and ethnically cleansed us from our land in order to create their Jewish state. We left in fear of our lives. We were not the ones that started that fighting. We wanted nothing to do with it. That is why we left.

We didn’t think we would be gone for long, surely once the fighting had subsided we would be back. But then days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into years.

Then it finally sunk in — they weren’t going to let us back. And we realised we were divided and dispossessed. That nightmare was only the beginning for us. They have never, ever allowed us back for 75 years. We lost everything. Our human rights are denied to us. More and more of our land is taken every day. We are not free. Some of us have no freedom at all and no rights.

We want to stop being ethnically cleansed. We want to go home, to go back, to see our homeland, our ancient sites, to be back where we belong, where we have always belonged. We want our dignity, and we want our freedom."

~~~~~

You do not have to agree with the way this story is told, but it has, in some form, been passed down through generations and generations of Palestinians.

~~~~~

What is life like for a 15-year-old Palestinian who lives in the West Bank?

You are told this story of your people from the day you were born. You live under a military occupation. More and more violent religious settlers move into the lands around you. They build new homes and can do whatever they want. They come and go as they please, in and out of Israel. You are not allowed to go anywhere except the West Bank. Their soldiers are always there with guns. They are in charge.

The settlers terrorise you all the time. They stop people farming their land and so you struggle to survive. A few weeks ago, a settler shot one of your friends. They never get punished and they never go to prison. But recently your best friend went to prison for throwing rocks at the soldiers. You really miss him.

Your grandparents left Palestine in 1948 with four children, and very few possessions. Your grandmother thought she would be back in a few days or weeks. Your grandmother’s sister ended up in Gaza and they never saw one another other again. She died recently. You have a cousin who is the same age as you. You know you could have been close if only you had even met.

You see no future the way things are now. There is no hope. You want a different life. You want the things your grandparents had. You don’t want to be constantly afraid of being attacked. You dream of leaving. You dream of the day you go back to Palestine where the house you should have had is, even just to see it, to be truly home, to live the life that is rightfully yours.

What do you do? You resist. In the only way that you can, with the only things that you have. You throw rocks at the soldiers. One day, you get caught, and you get put in a prison. You are tried by a military court, and you stay in prison for a really long time. In prison, people do appalling things to you. Finally, they let you out. What do you do?

~~~~~

What was life like for a 15 year old living in Gaza?

You are also told the Palestinian story from the day you were born. There are good things about your life. You go to school, have friends, and family who you love, you can go out and do things. There are hospitals, and you can get a lot of things that you need. You love Gaza. But you can’t leave Gaza. You can’t go anywhere else in the land or the world except Gaza.

Your life is still hard. Your family struggle for money and to survive, to get the things that you all need. There are a lot of things that would make your life better and easier, but you can’t get them in Gaza. You know that if you lived in Israel, you could get whatever you wanted and needed. You have family in the West Bank you have never met, but you know about their struggles. You have a cousin the same age, who is enduring unimaginable hardships.

The people in charge of Gaza are not good leaders. They can be dangerous and violent if you oppose them. A lot of people in Gaza don’t like them, although some people support them. Your own parents really can’t stand them. These people have been in charge of Gaza since before you were even born. You have learned that there was a civil war in Gaza before that and hundreds of people were killed or wounded. There has never been an election since.

You know they fire rockets into Israel because they want to dismantle it. You want a different life, but it’s never really worked or got anywhere. It seems futile. And you know that every few years, the bombs will come. Everyone you know has lost someone or something from the Israeli bombs. You don’t remember that much about the last time, but you do remember being really terrified, and you remember that your Dad cried when his brother was killed.

Then one day you hear news. News that Israel has been attacked by Gaza. Israelis have been killed, and some are even being brought into Gaza. Your heart sinks. You have a funny feeling in your stomach. You know what is coming.

~~~~~

To these two children, these cousins, Zionism can and only ever will mean catastrophic dispossession, oppression, and Jewish supremacy. The only Jews or Israelis they have encountered have either bombed them or terrorised them. Israel is a colonial entity. It never had a right to exist. Israelis are settlers. All they ever do is steal land. How could you expect them to see it any other way? There can never be any nuance, or any grey area about it. It could never have any legitimacy in their eyes. How could you expect or ask them to empathise with Israelis when you consider what they have lived and are living through?

For them, anyone who describes themselves as a Zionist in any form, even a liberal Zionist, could only ever be perceived as somebody that cannot be reasoned with, is trying to justify and support the unjustifiable, and is nothing but a settler and a tool of their oppression.

~~~~~

What is the dominant narrative of Jewish/Israeli people?

(You do not have to agree with it — I am just telling it how it is told).

It may be slightly different for secular Israelis and Diaspora Jews, but it goes something along these lines:

“We are the people of Israel. This is where our religion and our language were born, where we built temples and our ancestors are buried. We have and always have been surrounded by enemies on all sides. For millennia, we have been scattered throughout the world. We were driven from Israel and we went to Europe, the Middle East, and Africa. Throughout history people have always tried to kill the Jewish people. They didn’t like us being Jewish. There were always pogroms and mass killings. In some places people would hide and pray together in secret. It is our duty to keep the Jewish religion alive in their honour.

In Europe the pogroms got worse and worse. A few of us left Europe for a better life in Palestine. But most of us stayed in Europe. And most of us died in Europe. Six million of us. They did it because they said we were responsible for everything bad that had ever happened in the world.

Most of our so-called friends and neighbours said nothing as we were terrorised and led away. They carefully planned and counted how they could get rid of each and every one of us. They tried to annihilate us completely from the face of the earth. But as a people we lived on.

Jewish people had been coming to Palestine from Europe for years before 1948 fleeing the persecution. We came and we bought land fairly and built our lives there. We were happy. We wanted to all be together again, in a place that had meaning to us, where we would be safe. We knew we needed freedom and independence, so that this time it would never, ever happen again.

People say that we never needed a country, but what do they know? Jewish history has taught us things that they can never possibly understand. Jewish history has taught us that the world will always betray us, and when that day comes, our friends and neighbours will walk on by. We are a minority, so we must stick together, protect one another, keep one another safe. We knew we needed freedom and independence, so that this time we would have a safeplace where we can go and live when the world finally turns us on again, as it always does.

And In 1947, the UN agreed we could finally have a state of our own. We were so proud and overjoyed. What an achievement for us after everything we had been through.

We never wanted to fight with the people already living in Palestine. Yes, before 1948, some of us lived together peacefully. But it wasn’t a Utopia. Some of the people welcomed us and provided us with a safe place to live. We had good relationships with them.

But some of the people didn’t want us there, we were outsiders and they never liked us. Some people went to the British to get them to stop us from coming to Palestine. And even before 1948, there was a lot of fighting between us, and some of us were massacred even in Palestine.

But we could have found a way to live together peacefully, in two states, and they could have lived in our state just as we could have lived in theirs, just so long as we had a State. That is all we ever wanted. We could have divided and shared the land.

But they could never let us have it. Never. And when the British finally left, we saw our opportunity, we declared our state. We had no intention of taking anything from anyone. We just wanted a state. And then every single one of our neighbours, all the countries around us invaded us, from every corner of the land. Enemies on all sides. They surrounded us and we found we were alone, again, just as we always have been.

But this time we fought back. We fought for our freedom and independence and dignity, and our right to live and exist and not just accept to be killed, and mainly, for most of us, because we actually had nowhere else to go. It was a war, yes, we took land yes, but we didn’t start that war. It was existential, because how else exactly do you expect we could have guaranteed our security and safety surrounded by neighbours who were baying for our blood? What would you have done?

Then after 1948 the Middle East erupted. The Jews in the Middle East had always experienced persecution. But this was worse than ever. It was intolerable. They blamed those Jews for Israel. Hundreds of thousands of us were ethnically cleansed out of homes we had lived in for centuries, from Ancient communities all across the continent, and we left to build new lives in Israel. Over half of Israelis today are descended from those Middle Eastern Jews.

Now we live together in Israel. We stick togehter and we fight together. We have fought war after war after war. They have tried to kill us from all sides, time after time. But each time, we fight back harder, and we win. We have and always will be surrounded by enemies, but we will always fight back.”

~~~~~

You might not agree with a single word of this story. But this story, in some form or another has been passed down through generations and generations of millions of Jewish and Israeli people.

~~~~~

Now imagine the life of this 15-year-old born and living in Israel

You have been taught this story since the day you were born.

You live in a Kibbutz. You have friends. You like the outdoors and sports. You get good grades in school.

Your grandparents live nearby. Your Grandad came from Yemen as a refugee, as a child. He told you that his family were being attacked and threatened after the 1948 war, so they left their possessions and homes behind in Yemen, and they came to Israel instead.

Mostly you are happy. You are so excited you have a new boyfriend or girlfriend who you really like, but your parents don’t know yet.

But you really hate the rockets. You have never known any life without rockets. You know that some of the rockets get intercepted, but they still get through all the time.

There are bomb shelters everywhere. At school, in the playgrounds, in the bus-shelters, and at home. The sirens can go off at any time and then you have to run to the shelter. Even if you are busy doing your homework, or asleep, or on the toilet. The noise of the sirens never stops making you jump. You are used to it, but you still get scared and you hate it, and the sounds of the rockets make you shake.

You know in a couple of years you will be conscripted into the army. Everybody goes. You do and you don’t want to go. You want to go because you know it is your duty to protect the State from its enemies, just as everyone in your family has always done. But you are scared about it, and you don’t know what it will really be like. People don’t talk about it.

One weekend, your parents agree you can spend the night with your cousin. They live 40 minutes away. She is like a sister to you. So, you go on Friday. You have fun, watch a movie, chat for ages, and you fall asleep late.

The next thing you know your Aunt is waking you both up. It is Saturday morning. She is in a panic. Something is happening. Your parents have messaged. Something is wrong. She says there are men everywhere in the Kibbutz with guns. You turn on your phone. There are messages from your parents and your brother. They are in the bomb shelter. You try to call them. You can’t get through. You feel the panic rising in your chest. No, please, no. You ring your boyfriend or girlfriend. No answer.

~~~~~

This child has never met a Palestinian that lives in any Occupied Palestinian territory. All he/she knows about them is that they fire rockets at Israel and have done his/her whole life, and once every couple of decades they commit extremely violent and horrific terrorist attacks. That is what he/she knows because that’s what they have been taught and also what their lived experience has taught them.

Many Jewish and Israeli people believe when they talk about Zionism they are talking about, “Somewhere safe for Jews to live where they will not be attacked, where they can call home, and where they have self-determination.” How is it possible for this 15 year old child, given the stories they have been told and the life they have led, to be anything other than a Zionist, when it is defined like that? And if they are told they are a ‘settler’, or an ‘evil oppressor’ and that that is why they deserve to die, they will look at you with wide eyed wonder and assume you are a lunatic.

The reason they can conceive of the Jewish people as settlers who live outside 1967 borders and not themselves is because they do not see them as being in the, ‘Right for somewhere safe to live’ group of Zionists. They are considered to be religious extremists and supremacists, what they see as a distorted and extremist form of Zionism, and they don’t consider it the same.

~~~~~

There are many incredibly sad and depressing things about all of these stories. But the part to me that makes it seem most tragically futile — is that for a very large number of individual human beings that ended up living in either Israel or in the Occupied Palestinian Territories in the 1950s -1960s — their stories are almost the same. Most of them were running away from something, and most of the time, the people who are doing the running away are not the people doing the fighting or the massacring.

It is a story of being a refugee, of fighting for survival against all odds, of 20th century dispossession and mass displacement. A story of being blamed for things they did not do and being held to account for debts that they did not owe. The tumult of 20th century history created a shared heritage — that over a very short time hundreds upon thousands of people were displaced — Jews fleeing Europe to Palestine, Palestinians fleeing during the creation of Israel, and almost all the Jews across the Middle East then fleeing to Israel in the few years after it started.

Part of that shared heritage became about yearning to return to a Holy piece of land that carries promise and a deep spiritual connection. It really shouldn’t be that hard to explain to one another — and indeed the rest of the world, why we cannot just ‘let it go’.

I am not trying to rewrite history and say that every single person in the years leading up to and including events in 1948 was an innocent bystander. Absolutely not. I am just saying that, generally speaking, as is almost always the case — when it comes to atrocities, it is normally extremists that engage in it, that end up calling the shots for everyone, and it is them that end up dictating history.

And it is extremist ideologies that are plaguing us today. One is an ideology of Jewish supremacy. God’s chosen people, Israel is God’s gift and therefore comes with a right to take land off anyone and everyone. The other is an extreme, dangerous and corrupted version of Islam — a highly repressive ideology where human rights do not exist, and it exalts in the death of Jews.

These people — all of them — they are the mob. ‘Death to the Jew. Death to the Arab’ One or the other in their rightful place, subservient to the other, or better yet, dead in the ground.

Most people are not the mob. Most people are not sociopaths. Most people just want to live and get on with their lives, they want to have their basic needs met, their human rights, and they want their children to grow up happy and healthy with a bright future ahead.

It is important to understand though that the bonds of community and peoplehood are also part of a basic human need. The need to maintain relationships with brothers, sisters, cousins and friends who live in our communities together with us, who have a shared history with us, who support us, and to whom we are loyal — it is part of the human experience.

The stories of our own and our friend’s grandparents, the loss of livelihood and dreams for the future as they packed their bags and fled — these are the stories that make us peoples. And it is these stories that bind us together within our communities much more closely than any ancient religious text or any ancestral DNA test ever could.

And so when people say, “The Jews and Israelis are not a people. They are fakers, they are ‘Europeans’ pretending to have links to a land that has nothing to do with them.” Or people say, “The Palestinians are not a people. They are just ‘Arabs’ who could have gone anywhere, who have no real history and whose only goal in life is to terrorise Jews,” these will both only ever be seen as inherently anti-Semitic or Anti-Palestinian statements that erase and deny large parts of our collective heritage, and neither will lead to any kind of constructive dialogue. Who is anyone to make judgements about what another people is that they do not belong to?

And so we end up where we have got to today –

From the Palestinian side, what I think is difficult for somebody who is not Palestinian to understand, is that telling them that they should give up on the right to return — for many — is impossible. They can’t do it. Understanding and honouring Palestinian history, which is rich, and complicated, and is largely unknown to many people, for them it is part of their identity. Poetry, art, great thinkers, great writers — they are all there for the world to see if only they would bother to look.

And even worse for a Palestinian, to suggest that everything that has befallen them was somehow their fault because they refused to give up on their history, this could only ever be met with fury and be seen as gaslighting.

It is essential as well to remember that this land — it is not just any land. It is not so easy to walk away from it as any other place on earth. It is Holy Land. It has meaning to everyone associated with it, and everyone wishes to be able to walk free inside it.

Having an enduring determination to free themselves from a brutal occupation that does nothing but dehumanises them and steals from them — and a longing, ultimately, to return to their homeland, this is inherent to being a Palestinian. They cannot ‘Un-Palestinian’ themselves.

So the Palestinians will say, “What world would you have us do? You the world have done nothing to help us. You who have been silent and you care nothing for our oppression. You have abandoned us to unthinkable injustice and suffering for decades. You who sit comfortably in your homes have no right to moralise at us or criticise us and tell us what we should or shouldn’t do. We have no means whatsoever to fight for our freedom. No one is on our side. We are alone. We will do whatever must be done to fight for ourselves, our human rights, our land.”

The Palestinians are living in an impossible nightmare. There seems to be nothing they can do to free themselves that doesn’t make their situation worse. What exactly are they supposed to do when they live under an occupation, have no civil rights, no means to fight for themselves, and the people with power that could do something are not standing up for them? And when all means of civil and non-violent resistance are completely denied or futile, support for more violent resistance will become inevitable.

And it was indeed inevitable that 7th October would come. Warning after warning has been given about the Occupied Palestinian territories and the blockade. Warnings about human rights abuses have gone unheeded. Warnings that if Palestinians are not given their freedom what would happen. Warnings that it was totally unjust, immoral and illegal for Palestinians in the West Bank to be under military occupation. Time and again it has been said it is a danger to the security of Israel, and it was ignored.

But the problem for the Palestinians is that terror was never ever going to work — because the people in Israel believe it was established and is needed as security because of the risk of terror against them. So the idea that they could be terrorised into giving it back, or into leaving — this is an absurdity. People talk of ‘Hasbara’, but terror is and feeds Hasbara. October 7th has done nothing but make people believe in Zionism even more (a safe place to live in their eyes). Zionism burns greater than ever with the fuel of the fires from the Hamas rockets. All terror has and can ever achieve is further encroachment onto Palestinian territory — the literal opposite of a free Palestine.

What happened in 1948 is horrendous. But what of it, to that 15 year old Israeli child? Whose own grandparents had nothing to do with it, and were themselves dispossessed, as is the case now for so many people living in Israel. That child who has only ever known Israel as their home.

So Israelis will say, “World, what would you have us do after October 7th? People outside Israel, you can say whatever the hell you want, but we are here alone. We have and always have been surrounded by people on every side who wish to murder each and every one of us until we are annihilated, and in the most painful and brutal possible way, as has just been demonstrated plainly for all the world to see. You, who do not have any understanding whatsoever of what that is like, do not get to tell us what to do. We will do whatever we think is necessary to strengthen our position to ensure this cannot happen again.”

What people are missing is that this conflict is unique to any other case of the ‘coloniser and colonised’ in history, because the people doing the ‘colonising’ are half the people of the land, people who have a genuine existential fear of everybody around them that does not come from nowhere, and is deeply ingrained into most people’ psyche. Most do not have anywhere else to go, because most of their grandparents came to Israel as refugees, and so they cannot perceive themselves as a ‘colonial settler’ in any way. So they will never stop fighting back at terrorism for their right to live without fear of attack.

This links to the Jewish people in the diaspora who support Israel and is extremely difficult for non-Jewish people to understand.

For many Jewish people, memorialising the repeated attempts to eradicate Jews throughout history, most notably the Holocaust, and remembering and honouring ancestors who have died to keep the Jewish religion alive is considered essential.

Every festival, every prayer book, every cultural activity and a very large number of conversations includes this on some level. It is integral and inherent to most people’s identity. So if people feel that their Jewish counterparts, and very often family in Israel are in existential danger, they can and only ever will see it as a moral imperative that they must be supported.

Asking Jewish people to somehow disavow themselves of this notion is impossible. To tell most Jewish people they need to ‘get over it’ because, “they are a coloniser and their needs do not matter,” is completely meaningless to them.

It is not grounded in reality, and something that can and will only ever be perceived as an attempt to ‘UnJewish them’. I.e. to eradicate significant parts of Jewish history and day-to-day life and community, and thus could only ever be perceived as deeply antisemitic in its very nature. The more these things are denied as relevant, the more people will fight back against what they see as gaslighting.

But for those people in the diaspora who have blindly, unquestioningly, dutifully and uncritically supported Israel, while its government drifts ever further into the grip of right-wing extremism and corruption, must surely now see that was a mistake. If you had a friend or a loved one on a destructive path of self-sabotage, would you just let them carry on?

It is great tragedy of Jewish history for both Jews and Palestinians alike that self-determination and independence for the Jewish people, at a time when they needed and wanted it so badly would come at someone else’s expense. Something that is so freely and unquestioningly given to so many other peoples, but not the Jewish people. Yes, it is unfair. But it did come at their expense. I think that most Palestinians only opposed it, not because they oppose Jewish people — it is the bit about it being at their expense.

We can argue forever and eternity about, “Oh, but it never needed to be this way. If only you could have shared with us. If only in 1947 this or that. And if only in this peace agreement this year or that year,” or whatever.

But what of it to those 15 year olds living in Gaza and the West Bank? It is an irrelevance what was ever intended. What was intended bears no resemblance whatsoever to their lived reality. The Jewish dream of Zionism became their nightmare. I know this is an extremely painful and bitter pill for people to swallow, but Zionism since its inception has resulted in nothing other than subjugation for them. And it is not normal for a country to not have any proper borders, and for one people to control another in some parts of it.

And while it continues to happen, Zionism will continue to be seen as Jewish people being allowed to have control over other people. This was never ever how Zionism was originally intended for a lot of people, and it is not what they think it means. Far from it. But this is where it has come to, and intentions do not matter, because it is our actions that count. Once you understand this, it is really not difficult to see how this is fuelling dark and extremely dangerous conspiracy theories about Zionism, which are dragging us back to a place in history that we most definitely do not want to go, and it endangers us all.

We need to open our eyes to reality. As the bombs reign down in Gaza, destroying thousands of lives, after well over 100 days, there are people dying from starvation. This must end, immediately. It is abominable. The rockets are still coming. And even if you stop them today, while there is occupation in any part of the land, they will just come back tomorrow or the next day or the week or the year or the decade after that. And surely from the Israeli side, negotiating whatever terms to get as many of those hostages out alive, going through what must be unthinkable terror, at any cost, must be prioritised above all else.

And I am very sorry, because I know people will not like this. But this ‘war’ — it is not about destroying Hamas. It is becoming increasingly clear by the day that not only is destroying Hamas impossible, but Israel’s government are violent ethnonationalists. The far right threaten to collapse it at every mention of a ceasefire — the only thing that will get most of those hostages back alive — and so it carries on. And extreme ideology is much more widespread within the government than just the furthest right that are propping it up. The very leader of Israel himself is at the heart of it.

When you hear what they are saying, it is very clear that they have far more sinister intentions, and we must take them at their word. Allowing people to starve, making plans to drive them off their land into other places, destroying heritage sites, and yes, mass killing — that is ethnic cleansing. It is the definition of ethnic cleansing. It is illegal under international law, and it must stop.

People say, “Oh, but Hamas are stealing the aid.” Maybe they are, maybe they aren’t. I don’t know. I don’t know and I don’t care. I don’t care because it is an irrelevance at this moment in time to that woman looking into the eyes of her hungry child as they wither away and die. It is enough.

Could it ever be solved?

There are those of us that would be willing to give up on the dreams of our respective peoples, and not because we wish to throw them under the bus. But simply because we would just accept any solution, in whatever form, that would bring the suffering of all people to an end, and as quickly as possible. Because we believe that none of any of this is worth the blood of anyone’s children.

Because we look at those dreams of security through self-determination, rights to return, and we look at where we are today, and we see that none of any of it has delivered on its promise. We see that the world is a very different place to what it was in 1948. We recognise that there are people on the ‘other side’ that we would much rather share a country with than the ‘mob’ on our own side.

Because we know that our histories are worthless if they demand that we ‘unhuman’ ourselves.

Because we recognise that we have inherited the most Unholy mess.

But we are few in number, because the majority of most peoples cannot let go of their respective narratives, either in whole or in part. And so the solution that must be found is one that could satisfy the majority of the narrative of both peoples.

Israel already has half of what it wants — it has the state. But it does not have security, and any pretence of it has been an illusion, one that was violently shattered on October 7th.

The Palestinians meanwhile — they have nothing of what they want.

A one state solution — this does not satisfy the Israeli narrative, because it requires the undoing of Israel. It gives many Israelis nothing of what they think they want and everything they are afraid of. If you were that panicking aunt of that 15 year old Israeli child just now, would you be agreeing to open that border?

But I do not think the two-state solution really satisfies the Palestinian narrative. Because in that narrative, things were better before Israel, before Zionism, where everybody just lived together. And mainly because people want to able to walk free across the land — the right of return. The two-state solution may bring freedom and dignity, but I am not sure if it would give enough people what they really want.

Ultimately it comes down to one of the reasons this has been so intractable for so long. The Jewish State and the desire to control and ensure the continued right of Jewish immigration to Israel, and the presumed need to maintain a Jewish majority to enable that, vs the Right to Return of the Palestinians. ‘The War of Return’ as it has been called. The thing that neither side seems to be able to give up, that seem to be in direct conflict.

So what do we do? Throw our hands up, put it down to a bad job and just give up. (What the world has done). Keep blaming each side’s ‘propaganda’, each side’s education system, each side’s unwillingness to budge. But it won’t work, because it is asking people to let things go of things that they cannot let go of, things that are integral to the history of their peoples.

Human beings have been solving problems since we existed and there is no reason why we cannot solve this one.

There are many possible ways to solve it. The confederate two-state-solution is one example of a way to square the circle: https://www.alandforall.org/.

I suggest it not because I am wedded to it but because it seems to me that it would satisfy enough of both narratives to work. There may be multiple other ways to do it.

How do we get to it? As a possible example. We start with two states. Real states. Not a bit of a state or half a state with the other bit not connected to it and some people still being occupied that could never be acceptable, and was always going to be fought against. A real Palestinian state, whose borders are secured through international peacekeeping. But with that state must also come the promise and the goal that over a reasonably short period of time, everybody who wishes to cross that border gets to cross that border, until eventually, one day, ideally, there isn’t a border. People live wherever they want, but retain citizenship in their own state. And with regards specific land and homes that cannot be returned, real reparations are made. This is just one example of how it could be done.

As we keep hearing — 7 million Israelis, 7 million Palestinians. No one is going anywhere. But at some point, it is my opinion that, probably, for this to ever end, everyone must be able to go everywhere.

Two peoples living side by side. All free to live and move freely across this ancient and Holy land that is so special and meaningful to all and must be shared. Finally able to mix and become humanised in each other’s eyes. Christian, Jew, and Muslim, free to access their ancient and Holy sites. All of us united together in the spirit of mutual respect and tolerance.

Cooperating together to fight the only war that there should ever have been — the only war worth fighting.

Everybody vs the mob.

Not a religious war, not a war of the us or them, not a war over rights to the land and houses. But a war of the moderate and the just against the extremists that have desecrated our respective religions and turned them into something ugly. The lunatics marginalised, silenced and rejected. As opposed to what we have now — the sociopaths leading the charge and everyone else marching dutifully along behind.

People will say this is idealistic nonsense, a pipe dream. But what is the other option? Another twenty or thirty years of failed peace agreements and more of the same all over again? And with every round of violence, the violence gets more violent, the mob gets stronger and more popular on both sides as their ideas are seeded. And the mob is hard to fight, because the mob involves fanatic religion that cannot be reasoned with.

If we keep allowing them to get stronger and stronger, I think they will eventually set each other, themselves, and quite possibly the entire world, alight. Literal World War 3 with Jerusalem at the centre.

“How can you ask us to negotiate with them?” I hear you say. “Them, who are ethnically cleansing us,” or, “Them who wish to annihilate us,” depending on which side you are on. But here is the rub — you cannot terrorise people into leaving and you cannot bomb people into submission. Neither has ever worked. We cannot ethnically cleanse or genocide our way out of this for either people, one way or the other. Any other solution other than a diplomatic solution will lead us nowhere but the abyss.

Israelis and Palestinians are not all inherently genocidal oppressors or inherently genocidal terrorists. (As unfortunately lots of people are saying) Of course they are not. Maybe right now in Gaza most Palestinians do support Hamas in what they see as armed resistance, and most Israelis do support the actions of their government in what they see as a war. But both things have become intertwined with both mobs, and so they are not what each respective side thinks they are. The ‘armed resistance’ — a pogrom style massacre by the ‘death to the Jew’ mob, and the ‘war’ a flagrant breach of international law and an obvious attempt at ethnic cleansing by the ‘God gave us Israel, death to the Arab’ mob.

I am not very sure that most of any of them either know or believe exactly what has or hasn’t happened. The information they are receiving is very different to ours. And in times of heightened escalation of violence, people retract into the respective narratives of their people as they become reinforced. “If it’s a choice between us or them, I choose us. And for me to be able to look myself in the mirror, I must choose to believe what I choose to believe.”

Both believe so deeply within their heart and soul that they are on the side of righteous justice. For one it is ‘the right to just exist’, For the other, it is ‘the right to life, dignity, freedom from cruel and violent oppressors’. So they are both engaging in the collective delusion that because theirs is the side of the right and good, their soldiers/fighters must also be right and good.

Their people can’t possibly be the ones committing the crimes against humanity, and they cannot believe the worst things that are being said about their own side, only the other. But this is not the reality of wars and fighting, and definitely not in a conflict that has gone on for this long where this amount of hatred has become so entrenched, and most of all not ones which involve religion. To me it seems very likely that most of the worst things that are being said about both sides, are in fact, the true things.

As it turns out, many of them were always, are becoming, or have become, the mob.

I think almost everyone, whatever they say, would in fact be appalled if they were actually to see the violence that has happened, and is happening with their very own eyes. But they do not want to open their eyes to see it for what it really is, because they are on the side of the right and the good.

I know there are people of every colour and creed who no doubt I could become friends with, get along with, and love dearly. But also there are people of every colour and creed that I could not stand to be in the same room as. I know this because I am not a racist. Human beings are human beings, that is all we need to know. And if we find ourselves making any collective statements about all of a people, we are probably becoming the very thing we so vociferously claim to the world we are not.

I think that racism may well have become entrenched on ‘both sides’ but I am not sure that it is exactly racism — perhaps a better way to put it would be ‘othering’. “They did this, they did that. They support this, they support that.” And the only way to stop doing it is not to tell each other that we need to unlearn or erase our respective histories and ‘un-brain’ wash ourselves. It is the opposite.

We have to first human ourselves. And then we might have to temporarily UnJewish and UnPalestinian ourselves for short amounts of time. Then we learn each other’s history. Then we will be able to find solutions together.

How can we work together to solve this?

This part of this piece of writing — specifically — it is for us in the diaspora. Hardly anyone in the Middle East is in a place to hear any of this this right now, and too many of them are much too busy trying not to die or get killed.

We in the diaspora, we are trying very hard to do what we can to stop this, and to help. But how is it possible, that all of us who seemingly so desperately want the same thing — freedom and dignity for everyone, and yet still don’t seem to be able to get anywhere without offending and upsetting one another? How can we expect people in the Middle East to co-exist, if we cannot even have a conversation?

I believe we are talking to each other in languages we do not understand, and until we realise this, we will only ever talk past each other. Almost every conversation will have the opposite of its intended consequence, and make the other person believe they are even more right.

We will only ever find it inconceivable that people or friends or colleagues that we thought were ‘nice’ could have views that seem totally barbaric in our eyes. But if we could talk in languages each other could understand, it would get easier. Or at least if we can’t, if we tried to hear what the other is really saying.

We are not listening to, or being respectful of one another and as a collective we are so much weaker and so much less powerful for it. Because the discourse has become so toxic that we cannot work together to find solutions.

I know I myself have been done these things, but even as we try to so hard to understand and explain, it is so easy to offend. I think the reason we are offending each other is because the words in the mind of the speaker sound very different to the ears of the listener.

If the conversations are had respectfully in the spirit of achieving genuine mutual understanding, that is great. But if it is an argument to convince the other person that you are right, forget it.

Take the debate about whether shouting ‘Intifada’ is Anti-Semitic.

If you tell some Palestinians that shouting, what to them means ‘resistance’ against a state which is and has been exercising immense and disproportionate power against them and has done for three quarters of a century, is anti-Semitic, they will inevitably wonder what planet you are living on. How exactly it is that you expect they can possibly fight for their freedom? And why do you continue to engage in this collective delusion that just condemns them to suffer and die?

But if you try to tell most Jewish people, that what they perceive as the indiscriminate killing of Jews in terrorist attacks is not antisemitic, it is inevitable that they will not believe you. In fact, they will see you as yet another of the seemingly innumerable people in the ‘Death to the Jew’ mob.

Every conversation is having the opposition of its intended consequence. Convincing the other person they were more right than they were before.

Think about the way that we frequently use each other’s non-mainstream diaspora voices as a stick to beat each other with. (And this is not necessarily a criticism of those voices — some of them are very important — it’s just explaining how they are seen).

People say to Palestinians:-

“Look, this Palestinian is good, they think Zionism is okay, and you should just accept it. If only you could stop being so silly like them it would have all been over a long time ago. They agree that you haven’t exactly helped yourselves.”

How could a Palestinian ever consider this as a legitimate argument? Views that surely could only be perceived as incredibly anti-Palestinian. Surely they must think something along the lines of…

“You are privileged not to be in Gaza grieving incommensurate losses. You are one of the lucky ones whose entire family is not now dead. You who are not hungry and ill and exhausted and cold and terrified of being killed. All of your hopes and dreams do not lie in ruin before your eyes. You are enabling and emboldening our enemies. You are throwing us under the wheels of the bus of occupation all the while benefitting from living in the countries that side with our oppressors. You do not, and you will not ever, speak for us.”

Equally Jewish people are constantly bombarded with -

“Look at this Jewish person or that one. They are reasonable. They believe Israel is a colonial entity and should be entirely dismantled. They agree you are weaponising the Holocaust and playing the victim. Why are you not a good Jew, like them?”

This is not in any way a mainstream Jewish view because it is mostly perceived as -

“Lucky you, not to be one of almost half the Jews of the world that ended up living in Israel, to not have been born there, to not have a friend or family member that has been killed or taken or mutilated.

Lucky you, who can align yourself with the baying mob, and in so doing throw your Jewish Brothers and Sisters in Israel under the wheels of the bus of annihilation by the people that have demonstrated time and again that they hate them, because it is not your problem. You are not and never have been part of the community, and you do not speak for us.”

If we constantly tell both groups that we don’t hate them, just so long as they agree with something that is a total anathema to them, it will never wash. I am sure it is incredibly offensive to everyone.

“From the River to the Sea.” What do you mean? Genocide the Jews? Genocide the Palestinians? Arab Nationalism? Jewish Nationalism? Or simply freedom and equality for all?

And when it comes to ‘Zionism’. Forget about different languages. We are on completely different planets.

For everyone and anyone else watching the nightmare unfold, who can’t make sense of any of it, they must be thinking, “Surely none of any of this can be okay in the name of human decency?” But they do not know what to do. Because to ‘both sides’ it is to offend everyone and convince no one. ‘Both sidsing’ it has been declared not allowed. You will always be seen as a sell-out or a bus-thrower-under, one way or the other. So they are silenced, their voices not heard, reduced into a despondent, hand-wringing depression.

Yes, in the Middle East, one group has all the power. But in the diaspora, we are more equal. We have equal rights, we mostly live in countries where we are free to speak our minds.

Both sides are busy trying to expose each other’s mob. Both sides have “traitors” who are busy helping. The traitors have totally denounced their own side as either misogynistic, or racist, or both, and have joined the other team. And most of everybody else is on the scale of moderate, somewhere in between the views of the ‘mob’ from their own side, and ‘traitor’ for the other side. None of us even agree with each other on our ‘own side’, and very often, the people on our own side annoy us even more than the people on the other, and amazingly, sometimes the people we find the most annoying are the people we agree with the most.

In the first version of this I wrote, “We are mirror images of one another, yet it seems we mainly hold the mirror up at each other, not at the self.” So we never get to see what it is that we might have been missing.

Maybe is the other way around — we only hold the mirror up at the self and not the other. Something like that.

This is a long and, yes, very complicated story affecting and involving millions of different people across the world, across time and space, with millions of different stories to tell. For there to be any genuine hope of mutual understanding or respect, every single person is going to have to concede that most things about this story they can never truly understand because they have not lived them.

We cannot know, if we have not lived it, what it means to be born and live in a country that has only ever been at war. We cannot know, if we have not lived it, what it means to be born and live your whole life in a territory that is brutally occupied, or is under a blockade, by another people. Nor can we know, if we have not lived it, what it is like to have friends and family caught up on any side of this, whose safety and wellbeing you are desperately worried about.

We in the diaspora, so desperately worried for people in the Middle East, we are all working so hard, but we are not doing the right work. We are digging the hole deeper than ever. The magic peace fairy is not coming. They will not simply just descend from the sky, sprinkle us with magic fairy peace dust and make it all better.

When was the last time we tried to have a meaningful conversation with someone who is saying things that seem incredibly offensive to us? When was the last time we took the trouble to ask them why they think what they do? Or to ask why it is that we have offended them? To ask them about their lives, what happened to their grandparents, and their families and friends, and their parents and the stories that they were told growing up. About their hopes and dreams and aspirations. About their fears for the future.

Whenever the violence escalates, the historians cash in. Suddenly people have more motivation to understand, so we start reading and re-reading the history books. But mostly history will not give us the answers that we are looking for. It is people’s stories that will do it. And reading books that reinforce things that we already agree with will not give us the understanding that we need. It is the great writers from the other side that might.

Social media has many ills. But one huge positive is that it allows us to connect with all sorts of people whose thoughts and ideas we would never have been exposed to. We can observe fascinating conversations between other people we would never have been party to before. We can gain understanding, share ideas and solutions. It is definitely happenning. None of this was there in any previous attempts to fix this. It might just be the gamechanger that we need. We must make the most of it.

We cling to our positions like shells to a rock, not budging at all, so sure that we and we alone can see this for what it really is. I know I was. We could have been working together to stop this, but we never make any progress, and as a result, inadvertently, each and every one of us is complicit in the most unforgivable human suffering.

People say that there is no point talking about peaceful co-existence because it has never worked — but neither has violence. Ultimately there are only two choices — wait for the magic peace fairy, and die together. Or we can do the work to make the ‘peace’ that we all want, and maybe we can live together.

Addendum

And now I speak “as a British Jew,” to anyone in our community who is willing to listen.

I can tell the story of the Jewish story because I know that story. I have grown up listening to it. I was taught it in the Synagogue, in Sunday school and by family and friends. I have also tried, as best as I can, having not lived it, but by listening to the voices of Palestinians and with the help and feedback of allies, to do justice to their story. I hope that I have. It may not meet the mark, after all, this is only version 2. And anyway, neither ‘side’ is a monolith, we would all tell our histories a bit differently, so I definitely cannot satisfy all.

It is important to say that there is one thing yet unmentioned about these two stories. It may be the most important thing. I think it belies the biggest lack of understanding between us.

I have talked much of the similarities in our stories. But there is one very big difference.

The Israeli and Jewish story is about running away. It is about running away from terrible persecution, and of moving forward. It is about moving on and building a new life. The idea of wanting to go back in time, wanting to turn back the clock — it is unconscionable. There was never anything worth going back to. So, for example, when some of us are suddenly being offered citizenship in European countries because our grandparents lived there before the Holocaust, this is not something that we could ever comprehend wanting.

So many Israelis feel, “Why couldn’t they have just moved on like we did? Why did they spend all of their efforts ruining things for us when they could have just moved forward, let it go, made the best of a bad lot, and made new lives like we did?”

Apart from the multitude of reasons I have already explained as to why it was never that simple and why their material circumstances and the occupation has made that impossible for most people — what we need to realise is that their story is the other way around. Our story starts from a place of misery, and moves onto something better. Theirs starts from a place where they were happy enough, and moves onto something horrific. It starts from being at least content for hundreds of years, running away — something they thought was temporary — and never being allowed to go back.

And I say this part as gently as I possibly can. There is a very deep and particular sorrow that many Jewish people will know. It comes with realising that we do not want to look back, because looking back is much too painful. Knowing that for some of us there is no point going on ‘ancestry.com’ because there is no ancestry left to trace. And is it that sorrow that was felt so keenly after the atrocity that was October the 7th. People do not understand that something cannot be weaponised when it is so genuinely heartfelt — there is no intent behind it.

But for the Palestinians — seeing that people from other countries can go and visit, go on holiday, and walk around in a land where their grandparents built their homes, left with whatever they could carry only for them and their families to encounter ever more worsening horrors on their onward journey right up until this very day — and yet they can never set foot in that land — I think what they experience when they see that — it is a very similar sorrow. And I am sure that they have been feeling that sorrow most keenly with each and every passing day, and most particularly in these last months.

I do not believe, as I have argued, that is the case that Israel must cease to exist with all the people in it, to allow the Palestinians what they clearly want, need, and, I believe, are indeed entitled to. The idea that our millenia-old right of return is still in date but their 75-year-old right of return has somehow expired is completely logically incoherent.

And I am coming to understand that suggesting that it has somehow been indulged is a bit like telling us we are weaponising the Holocaust. I think that nothing could be more insulting.

The problem with our version of the story that we were taught — The story of the Jewish people, our losses, our sacrifices, our spilled blood — it is only half a story. It is history through only one lens.

And that story is not the only thing that is taught in our homes and in our Synagogues and in our Sunday schools. We are taught values. We are taught values of respect, justice, and ‘do unto others’. We are taught the words of the Talmud ‘Whoever saves a life, saves the world entire,” (words that can also be found in the Quran).

Most importantly of all, we are taught, “Do not stand idly by while the blood of your neighbour is shed.”

And because we are taught those values — there is a cognitive dissonance that so many people in our community feel — but don’t quite understand — that parts of this story don’t really make any sense, that what happened, and is happening, is definitely not okay. That dissonance — it will not hold forever. It will tear our families and our community apart. It already is.

Yes, there is a death to the Jew mob. Yes, they are a massive problem. But I think we have no right to make mention of that mob unless in the same breath and multiple times over we are making mention of our own mob. Because our own, ‘Death to the Arab’ mob — they have been running around the Occupied Territories unchecked for decades. And it is both mobs that need to be brought under control before there can ever be any hope of resolving this. The Death to the Jew mob will come back stronger than ever while the Death to the Arab mob roam free. And who are we to lecture Palestinians for not getting their house in order, when it is our side that has all the power and all the resources, and yet we have allowed it to carry on? We who demand that they condemn the “resistance” whilst refusing to condemn the “war”.

And we must understand this — If Gaza is allowed to be resettled — it is over. Ever more untold and unimaginable horror for the Palestinians, and in our silence we will have handed Israel on a plate to those ethnonationalists, to the people that should have had nothing to do with what Israel could have been — and in fact people that have nothing to do with us and our values.

People keep talking about the two-state solution like it is some kind of utopia that, like the magic peace fairy, it will just fall from the sky. It is not that easy. Trying to dismantle settlements in the West Bank to make that possible — it is probably almost undoable as it is. Some of them have been there so long now and the Palestinians have very little faith that it could or would ever be done. In fact a confederate version of the two state solution may in some ways be easier to implement because it does not necessarily require the dismantlement of all settlements, something that looks like it is getting harder to do.

And If we think antisemitism is bad now, it will be nothing compared to what is in store in years to come if the resettlement and reoccupation of Gaza were to happen. Israel, hated among nations like never before, until eventually the world will finally not tolerate it. It is dangerous and it leads I know not where, undoing it, I know not how. An epic holy war ahead of us, and in the process we will see what we are already seeing in Israel — free speech and dissent a thing of the past — and Israel’s democracy — burned to the ground.

We are doing our cousins and our friends no favours by parroting off the same old arguments, and ignoring the occupation that has been allowed to become normalised within Israel. It is high time for a different conversation. It was a long ago, and it is now or never.

We need to speak up, loud and clear. When it comes to armed Jewish settlers running around the West bank and terrorising Palestinians, we are anti — it, and we always have been. But how can we expect other people to know this if we do not have these conversations in the open? If we do not call a spade a spade. Our refusal to use particular words and talk about things in a particular way in front of other people even if we do it behind closed doors has led to a lack of education within our community — and I am sure that there will be some people when I talk about these things, that have literally no idea what I am even saying. This is a very big problem. I hope some of those people are reading this now.

And what exactly is it that we are so afraid will happen if we put our heads above the parapet? It is evidently clear that Israel has not been abandoned by its allies. Put yourself in the shoes of an ordinary Gazan just now. Heartbreakingly, it seems to me, that being abandoned by the world — that that has become their destiny.

And, “What of the far left?” people will say? How are we to do deal with their antisemitism?

Yes, the far left think they are supporting armed resistance but have in fact aligned themselves with the ‘death to the Jew’ mob. They bleat on about ‘Hasbara’ — something they clearly have no understanding of whatsoever because if they did they would realise that they are it. Or at least that they are feeding it. Literally they are walking, talking Hasbara.

But of the multiple problems with the far left — and there are many — to me the worst is that there are those of them who have no connection whatsoever to the lives of anyone in the region — no ordinary Israelis or ordinary Palestinians, and yet they cheer for ever more death and destruction. They cheer on “armed resistance” from their comfortable homes in their comfortable lives, and it is not them who will have to face the consequences.

And maybe this round of violence will be the last round, the round that ends it once and for all — I hope so. But it has come at the most appalling and unacceptable cost.

Who are they to think they have a right to declare that somebody else’s family, somebody else’s child — Israeli or Palestinian — even one — let alone thousands and counting — is an acceptable sacrifice?

Maybe it is because they did not understand that October 7th could only ever have been a suicide mission. Because as a consequence of the rigidness of far-left ideology that does not allow for self-critical thinking, they refuse to understand this problem in more than one way. That you cannot fight evil with evil. That yes, it is more complicated than just ‘oppressor’ and ‘oppressed’, more complicated than their warped version of reality where even children are fair game.

Probably there are some of them that knew what would happen after October 7th, and just decided it was probably worth it if it would eventually ‘free Palestine.’ Either way it is unforgivable because it was not their decision to make. And all that has happened as far as I can see, all October 7th has achieved is all it would ever achieve — to enable an extremely racist, harmful, problematic and untrue stereotype that ‘Palestinians are genocidal terrorists’ to be reinforced in the eyes of Israelis and the rest of the world. Around 3,000 people crossed that border on October 7th, of a population of over 2 million. But undoing that sterotype will be extremely difficult, taking us further away from where we need to be.

You cannot help but wonder where we might be right now if only all those people had used all that effort to lobby for a real diplomatic solution. But we can’t turn back the clock.

Arguing with the far left is a waste of time. They have no self-awareness, they are delusional, and they will never stop. They are as fanatical as any of the mob. The only way to make them stop talking is to actually sort this problem once and for all and work for the freedom and dignity of all. And when all is said and done, the ones that will keep complaining will finally be exposed for what they truly are.

That there are outspoken people within our community that think that the correct response to these people is for us to align ourselves with far right Islamophobes — we who have traditionally been proud of being anti-fascist — this could not be more ludicrous. It will lead us into that abyss. “I think the Jewish Chronicle is the Daily Mail for Jews.” Yes Dad, we all finally agree.

So where do we go from here? We need to start doing that right work. It is incumbent upon us more than anyone. Because it is only us who can help our friends and family in Israel, because it us who share history with them, who love and care about them. It is us who can help them see this through another lens.

We need to change the conversation, and we need to do it fast. Because the Palestinians do not have the luxury of time, and as far as I am concerned, neither do we.

There are people in our communities — both Israeli and Jewish — that have already been doing that right work for a really long time. It is time to listen to them, and elevate their voices. We need to start to be willing to be offended and to listen to other points of view. And unfortunately some of the right work does sometimes involve wading through what feels like a massive steaming pile of anti-Semitic shit, in order to get to the heart of some of the problems. But we also have an opportunity to meet some incredible people, and hear some amazing and wonderful voices that we would never have had a chance to hear. We have to get this done, to fix this once and for all.

We cannot hand this legacy to our children. We have to fight (non-violently) for a different future. This is the chance to do it. The world’s eyes are on Israel, and the time is now.

[decafdoodlez]

I just started drafting out the “source material accurate” RenRina livestream drawing, and I’m gonna be real, I’m kind of nervous to post any “sus” or gory content for BTD/TPoF.

I’ve been in this community since October of last year, and started actively posting about BTD/TPoF since only January of this year. BUT, I was in the MHA community actively before being here.

I still have mutuals and people I talk to from the MHA fandom, and I feel like the moment I start posting anything remotely “impure,” it’s over, they’ll start thinking “oh, Allie is actually a huge freak.” Which I know PROBABLY isn’t the case, but it’s just another thing for me to worry about.

I’ve always loved horror and macabre media, ever since I was a little girl. It was only a natural progression for me to go from reading Johnny the Homicidal Maniac as a teen, to now indulging in murdersim/horrorporn content as an adult, haha. But idk, I just don’t want to upset any of the previous connections I’ve made with the content I put out. Best case scenario is that they don’t care, the worst case scenario is call-out posts on IG or something, since those are ever prevalent in the MHA community, no matter how big or small your following is, haha.

Either way, besides one awful instance that happened back in March with that hateful anon who was also in the BTD community and told me i was a p*do for shipping Fox with my OC in her mid 20s (I’m 27, I personally find old men more attractive than men my age lmao so of course I was gonna make an OC around my age to pair with Ren), I’ve had a mostly positive experience creating in this space and I appreciate those that are sweet to me. 🤍

[derangedfujoshi]

Hello!!! Not intended to be rude or anything just wanted to share my experiences! I saw ur post about how people arent really harassed as much by fandom police if they like lolis as opposed to shotas, & i just wanted to say i have definitely been harassed by fancops over even the mere concept that i enjoyed lolis

again not intended to be rude or anything I just wanted to say that people do very much still get harassed over liking lolis and it’s not as mainstream as it might seem 🥲🥲🥲

Also, love your blog!!!

Not taking this badly but good grief, of course I didn't mean that people no longer get harassed for liking lolis! My point was that there has been an increased amount of lolis in mainstream media thus making the general public more accustomed to the concept of lolis, thus kinda becoming more desensitized to them. Not that they are more accepted in a positive sense, but I've seen an increased "roll of the eyes, scoff and moving on" sort of attitude towards them and people liking them, especially if the ones liking them are cishet dudes because people simply don't care about what they do or say that much. Whilst shotas have more of a women-focused market or are liked by queer folks and lord forbid those people do anything, you get me? It's the same thing with toxic mainstream het ships liked by dudebros like idk Joker/Harley vs anything remotely queer liked by queer people. Of course the first still get heat but it's less compared to the second.

People will always talk shit about anything and I've never meant to imply otherwise, my heart goes out to all the non cishet dudes lolicons out there, I support you, but you gotta admit lolis ARE the popular siblings between the two and I'm only slightly salty about it because blah blah male dominated industry blah blah machismo blah blah

Thank you for liking my silly blog :3

[gascon-en-exil]

Anon says as if FEH isn't using the few Male OCS to sell muscle. Bruno literaly became a meme and then there is the deer men of book VIII

Those are not remotely equivalent. Bruno hasn't been consistently relevant for years, and despite having been in the game since 2017 has all of two alts - neither of which are particularly sexy. The new deer guy is currently just background art; the internet only started thirsting after him so hard because we've been so starved of male OCs, especially after Book VII.

Further, the attempt to deflect from how female characters are objectified in FEH and similar properties by pointing out overly muscled male designs has always been a deeply flawed one. One exists for straight male titillation; the other exists as a straight male power fantasy. There is absolutely a point to be made about how hypermuscular bodies in media promote unhealthy ideas about what men should look like, but that's an entirely separate conversation from the one that frames characters as sex objects. Gay/bi men are best in a position to appreciate the issue from both sides, and the solution we most often pose when discussing such things is to show a wider variety of male bodies in states of (potentially eroticized) undress - a solution that I imagine would not go over well with the sorts of straight men who like to bring up muscular male characters as a gotcha.

The shirtless muscular guys of most media are never framed or positioned in the same way that even more modestly-dressed female characters often are when they're being marketed based on some kind of sex appeal. Gay porn games are the only type of animated media I've seen that treats male characters at all in the same way as female characters are handled on most of FEH's seasonal banners. As an example, let me revisit a point I made about a week ago, in reference to the new winter banner.

Here is Claude, wearing a reindeer-themed holiday outfit.

Now here is another character wearing a reindeer-themed holiday outfit, this time from the gay dating sim Camp Buddy: Scoutmaster Season.

A bit excessive? Yes, but I've got a point to make here. Let's talk about the differences. We've got

a crotch bulge, as well as a small treasure trail. Contrast summer Lorenz and his speedo with Ken doll anatomy.

extensive muscle definition, including pronounced tits pecs. Contrast summer Ephraim, summer Dimitri, and others.

visible nipples, something the internet also went crazy over when they randomly appeared on Fargus back in November. This isn't merely about being anatomically correct; nipples are an erogenous zone for some men, and to include them in a bare-chested design indicates that this character is not just a slab of muscle (as the power fantasy angle would prefer) but has potential erotic vulnerabilities.

a harness that greatly resembles bondage gear, and is in fact used in that way later on.

most obviously, about as much skin on display as the average female unit on summer banners

and while not apparent here, a willingness to commit to the inherent silliness of the bit in the subsequent sex scenes, which employ a flurry of intentionally bad holiday-themed puns and have the characters act out a reindeer-flavored variety of pony play.

But that's far too horny for a winter banner, you say? Don't tell that to Edelgard's thigh-highs and upskirt. Isn't that specific combination a fetish in its own right?

Or Yunaka with her cleavage and camel toe and strategically-placed bits of bare skin.

Or just look at the Byleths side-by-side. Only the female version is baring her shoulders and midriff in a form-fitting top...surely that's for entirely innocent reasons.

And again, check out any given summer banner and see just how far FEH will push its rating with its female cast.

Of course this is all from a gay male perspective; I can't speak to what women find attractive in animated male characters. Anecdotally the most popular options are characters who are already prominent and popular (so...not Bruno or the unnamed deer guy). Also, there are times when women in the fandom pick up on stuff about these guys' bodies that I wouldn't have even thought to eroticize at first, like Dimitri's proportionally small waist. Others can feel free to add onto this if they like.

TL;DR, if FEH truly wants to sell itself on sleaze (which of course it does, and already is), it seriously needs to step up its game with its male cast.

[genlossneg]

Okay so like. I didn’t have any interest in this, my boyfriend did. He’s been talking about it since the first streams, all of the stuff in it he finds cool, and how novel it is as a piece of media. He loves it, he’s dropped a lot of money on merch for it (which to be fair, the merch looks sick as hell I’m not even gonna lie), and he really wanted me to watch the founder’s cut when it came out. Well, I watched the founder’s cut and I just gotta say. It’s awful. I was so unbelievably bored, and when I wasn’t bored I was annoyed. Honestly I think the worst part for me is Slimecicle. He is remarkably unfunny, annoying, and obnoxious, and if his absolutely piss poor excuse for comedy was completely surgically removed (haha see what I did there?) it would make it a lot easier to tolerate all of the other badly done elements of it. Pretty much none of the attempted humor was funny to me. Maybe if I liked the streamers already I would have found it really funny, but I maybe exhaled out of my nostrils like 2 times total. I’m not sure what the consensus is with the Gen loss community about its humor but it did not hit for me in the slightest.

It feels like little of importance was happening for 65% of the runtime, the acting is terrible, the pacing is bad, and it’s just. It’s not even remotely good until the last like 45 minutes of the cut. I just could not bring myself to care, it felt like a constant barrage of “this happened, and then this happened, and then this happened, and then this happened.” Over and over. It wasn’t scary at any point, and I still, even after managing to just BARELY sit through the entire thing, don’t understand how so much money and effort went into this if this was the end product. I was not familiar with any of these streamers besides Jerma and Vinny Vinesauce, which the Founder’s Cut does woefully little with, so I had absolutely no connection to any of the characters. If there was some effort made to actually get me invested in who the characters are maybe I would have felt more positively towards it but it feels like I’m supposed to go “HOLY SHIT A STREAMER I LIKE OH MY GOD”, which might have worked if I was at all into ANY of the people here. It felt like there were no stakes and nobody was taking anything seriously until the last “act” or whatever when they’re running around the mall. I see what it’s going for, I can read into the metaphor about the dehumanizing nature of producing content for an audience and stuff, but just wow. The worst part is that I was just so bored the entire time. It feels like a “you had to be there” kind of thing, and since I wasn’t there, none of it appealed to me in any way.

I don’t know, this clearly isn’t a piece of media made for me but I spent the entire time I was watching TRYING to like it and it just was not it. Ever. At any point. The ending was okay I guess, I like it conceptually, but having Hetch (I think that’s his name, I don’t really recall and I’m not scrolling through the cut to check rn) trying to be a glorified game show host over the only bit of the end I kinda vaguely enjoyed kind of ruined it for me a little bit. Idk. Having Ranboo say “thank you” as his head was turned into a mid at best blood effect was the only bit that made me feel much of anything besides annoyance or boredom. I like the whole concept, but pretty much every part of the execution was horrifically botched, I feel like I shouldn’t have to like the people involved already to be invested in even one of the characters. Maybe the streams were better but I just don’t have any desire to watch them.

Maybe I’m being too mean here but yeah, I basically forced myself through 2 and a half hours of some of the most amateurish “horror” content I’ve ever seen and it felt like I got very little out of the entire viewing experience besides 45 minutes of content that got dangerously close to being okay at best.

this has been sitting in my inbox since the founders cut came out and i was going to respond to it once i watched it but clearly that is not happening anytime soon, so i can't speak to that specific experience but i definitely think watching it live added to the experience at least a little since the audience had a lot of chances to make decisions which kept it at least a little engaging. im not shocked the founders cut is super jumpy because they condensed a lot and the filler, while annoying, did keep the pace reasonable. i agree w a lot of your overall critiques and thanks for sharing a founder's cut take!!!

[talkingpointsusa]

Ben Shapiro and Jordan Peterson wage a very stupid war against "sexual boredom"

Projection intensifies (source: Ben Shapiro on YouTube)

This is one of those things that I wanted to talk about when it came out but it kind of fell by the wayside. However, I figured that since it's been kind of boring in the griftosphere and we need to laugh at something after that last episode, here is a 9 minute video of Ben Shapiro and Jordan Peterson talking about sexual boredom.

Now I know what you're thinking, a guy who thinks all that women are "chaos dragons" and another guy who accidentally admitted that he can't get his wife wet while reading the lyrics of a rap song are probably not the best sources for anything coming remotely close to sexual advice. And you're completely right. Lets get into it.

00:00, Ben Shapiro: "The amount of sexual boredom in this society is extraordinary. So you have more sexual choice and variety available than anytime in human history, given free license by the state because there are no intermediate social institutions in which informal mechanisms of disapproval could make themself felt, and one of the things that human beings psychologically are turned on by is taboo. So when you get rid of literally every taboo then people tend to get bored and then the question is-

Jordan Peterson: "Yeah, well there's no novelty."

And just what exactly is this based off of? Seriously, they never really give any data to back up the existence of this sexual boredom epidemic that they are talking about. I guess them feeling sexually bored is evidence enough.

Anyway, there are still a lot of taboos, we've just more or less moved on from some of the bigoted ones like "no gay marriage" that these guys like. These guys perceive a lack of taboos because society has moved on from the taboos that they think should be in place. Despite what these guys might have heard from their media diet that seemingly consists of nothing but LibsOfTikTok, the world isn't some giant sexual free for all.

What even is this argument by the way? Is Ben's argument that we should get the government step in and regulate and restrict the sexual affairs of private citizens so that those citizens....can break the rules?

Just to really put a final nail in Ben and Jordan's "no taboo's create sexual boredom" coffin, the states with the highest porn consumption are highly conservative states that tend to have more taboos than others. I think people who consume a lot of pornography are pretty sexually bored, don't you?

00:33, Ben Shapiro: "Particularly men are driven by sexual novelty, it's something that's very deeply engrained."

"And that's why we need to stop sleeping in separate beds honey."

00:53, Ben Shapiro: "I mean the -- the part of Freud that everybody ignores is the part where Freud actually is in favor of sublimation right."

So, sublimation is essentially the psychological concept of channeling unwanted thoughts into something positive. So for instance, if somebody is lonely they could join a club. Most psychologists seem to say that sublimation is a good thing so I don't get where he's even coming from with this.

00:58, Ben Shapiro: "It's only later psychologists and philosophers who suggest the sublimation needs to be destroyed and done away with to free all forms of human artistic and material expression."

Who Ben?! I googled "Is sublimation bad, psychology" and there were so many articles talking about how it's an overall good thing. I honestly am wondering if Ben is talking about gay people sublimating their urges and as a result becoming straight given his past track record on gay marriage. Because I honestly don't understand where any of this is coming from!

01:09, Ben Shapiro: "But Freud never said that, Freud says you actually have to sublimate a lot of those short term hedonic desires to something higher."

OK Ben, I don't think Freud meant that you need to sublimate your sexual urges to God.

I think I'm starting to understand why these two are sexually bored.

01:15, Ben Shapiro: "But again that gets back to kind of the fundamental premise that you were speaking to which is there is this narrative of accepted values that we used to live inside of and when you destroy that narrative by saying that for some reason it's not true because it's not coming out of your own head, well once that happens we don't hold a common narrative, there are no common narratives. And if there are no common narratives and everything is then acceptable then what exactly is the taboo? Where does the sublimation take place? There is no sublimation and there is no future orientation, because what sublimation really is is orientation of short term in favor of long term."

Again, this argument is built on a stupid premise that there aren't anymore taboos. Public sex is still pretty taboo and a lot of people find novelty in either having sex in public or staging a sexual encounter to look like that. And that's just one example off the top of my head.

Again, the subtext here is that these two are pissed off that things like LGBTQ+ acceptance are becoming less taboo and as a result they seem to have drawn the conclusion that there are no taboos anymore.

01:50, Jordan Peterson: "Well, and in favor of other people right? So it's long-term plus the social. Yeah well so --- you can think about this technically as well. If there's no uniting narrative, here's the necessary consequences. First of all there's no higher order super ordinate aim."

I can't figure out if these two are talking about God or marriage. Probably both to be honest.

02:15, Jordan Peterson: "We experience positive motivation and the impotence to move forward. So that would be; curiosity, hope, inspiration, enthusiasm, even aesthetic interest. We experience that only in relationship to an aim. And so if you destroy the ultimate aim you destroy the structure upon which reward is dependent."

"You are physically incapable of feeling happiness unless you live the life that I want you to live" is a take I wasn't expecting from a video allegedly about sexual boredom.

The ironic thing about this video is that so far following Jordan and Ben's advice will probably lead to more sexual boredom.

03:28, Jordan Peterson: "There's a relationship between scarcity and deprivation and value, right? And so if you are surfeited by a stimulus lets say, or a resource, so you are overfed, as soon as you're not hungry food is of no interest, if you're stuffed food is nauseating."

This is such a ridiculous analogy. The only way for it to make sense is if people had sex on a daily basis and essentially became screwing machines. Contrary to Jordan and Ben's belief, people aren't having sex multiple times every single day.

Plus, there's the issue of consent. The food can't tell you "No, I don't actually want to be eaten." and as a result, people can stuff themselves to their hearts content. Other people can say they don't want to have sex. There is a massive difference.

Jordan talks about the story of the Israelites and them getting too much quail from the Bible. I mean, I guess if the point is that if you have too much sex then maybe you should take a break fair enough. But again, this metaphor is missing so much stuff like the issue of consent. Then Ben does an ad.

05:44, Jordan Peterson: "We don't know how much depravation is necessary for proper sexual function to make itself manifest."

"And that's why I'm here telling you how much sex you should have."

07:01, Jordan Peterson: "And then you were talking about novelty. And so this is pretty interesting too, so you said men will chase novelty in a sexual relationship. Well, I think part of what is incumbent on married individuals is to figure out how to keep that novelty alive. Right, so that means that each of them have to be transforming and I think the best way to do that is in relationship to a spiritual pursuit."

Nothing spices things up in the bedroom quite like a frank discussion about scripture.

I'll give Jordan a tiny bit of leeway here due to the fact that some studies have shown that religious couples do report better sex than non-religious couples. But there are a lot of moving parts in said study such as the fact that couples showing heightened religiosity overall reported lower sexual satisfaction and the increased sexual satisfaction was more tied with the sanctification of sex. Essentially people who believe that the sex they have with their partner is sacred.

It was only conducted through two groups of people through their workplace as well meaning it's not particularly indicative of the greater population.

07:56, Ben Shapiro: "One of the things that's actually fascinating about this is, biblically speaking, I mean not to get into obstruse Jewish law but I mean, this is actually right in the Bible forget about the obstruse Jewish law, right in the Bible one of the mandates is that for a period of at least one week out of every month married couples are not supposed to have sex."

You know, there's a subtle hint in why that was when you said the word period!

That was clearly about menstruation. It wasn't just no sex either, it was in pretty much every aspect. It was because women were viewed as "unclean" after having their periods at that time. And just to prove it, here's Leviticus 15:19;

"Whenever a woman has her menstrual period, she will be ceremonially unclean for seven days. Anyone who touches her during that time will be unclean until evening."

So essentially that week was more about the fact that women were viewed as "unclean" after having their period in biblical times.

Conclusion:

Well, on the one hand I'm glad that these two are finally talking about a topic that they would presumably know a lot about. On the other hand, this was dumber than I thought it would be. I kind of want to call Jordan and Ben the Sexual Boredom Squad from now on.

Cheers and I'll see you in the next one.

[shootout-at-university-fair]

Four Years' Worth of Ramblings (and Pondering Life at Twenty)

It’s been about four years since I was even remotely active on here, even longer since I’ve made original content on this website. Well, in those four years since I’ve last used this blog, it’s safe to say I’ve officially grown up. I think I made this account when I was about 13. At that time, turning 20 genuinely felt like it would never come. As time tends to do, of course, it progressed - so here we are.

Given that I live in a country that would rather focus on banning social media apps and protecting genocidal governments that line their own pockets instead of, you know, helping its own citizens like a government is supposed to do, and one that is certainly fucked no matter who we end up electing this year, it just felt right to return to the website that radicalized me in the first place (especially when really the only other option is… *shudders* twitter).

I must say, it simultaneously feels weird and comforting to come back. As I enter my senior year of college (has it really been that long?), I’ve begun to look back at what has shaped me into the woman I am today. I know this website certainly had a hand. As I previously stated, this website truly formed my moral compass, at an age that I desperately needed something to. To those who have followed me in the past, and might still be lurking here today, I genuinely thank you for making me the woman I am today.

Now… what exactly has happened in these last few years? Well, a lot. These last four years have simultaneously been the best and worst years of my life so far (and seriously, from how my 2024 has mostly been going, fuck 2024). Let’s start with the negative and end with some positive things, shall we?

I've certainly had my share of shit thrown at me over the last few years, from having to file not one, but two Title IX complaints at my college within three years and going through my fair share of manipulative and abusive relationships (both platonic and romantic), to having - and overcoming an eating disorder. Somehow, I've survived (albeit with some added mental health medications and diagnoses - I expected most of them, but definitely not the borderline diagnosis).

It hasn't been all bad, though. Actually, some of these last few years have been really great. I finally have some real friends IRL (they're a bunch of losers - one is @hunter-blossom-5 if you want to see what the vibe is like, but they're my losers and I wouldn't trade them for the world), and I've fallen in love. Well, I mean, I've fallen in love several times over these last few years, but for once, I've fallen in love and know it's the right type of love: the love where even if the world is ending, it doesn't feel like that because you know that they will be beside you the entire time, and even more after? Yeah, I'm talking about that love. I know he has an account on here, but he's never told me what his username is. I hope that if he's reading it, he knows who I'm talking about - I love you, babe; always have, and always will.

I'm not sure exactly why I stopped posting, but I just did. I actively tried to distance myself from my days on here IRL. If you told me even two months ago that not only would I be revisiting so many of my old interests from my teenage years in my twenties, and being so open about my love for them, I would have thought you were insane. Something in the last few months in my brain just itched and longed for who I once was, the version of me I was when I was on here the most. Throughout a lot of these four years, I was incredibly rude towards the younger me present on this account, trying to bury her deep down to fit in more. I think I've been too harsh on her in my past, and just wish that I could go back in time, take back all the negative shit I've said about her, and just give her the largest hug - she definitely needed that more than the criticism I leveled instead. Well, time travel doesn't exist, and Back to The Future has taught me to never have yourself at two different ages meet. I think coming back here, showing her that as you get older you can still be you, is the best I can do for her in our universe.

Most of you have known me simply as mutantjediavenger on this platform. Some of you have known me as Ella, but for all who comes across this blog today, you can just call me El. You've earned it.

[gemsofgreece]

Sadly, Cleopatra isn’t the only one, they did it with Anne Boleyn, Charles V, Marie-Antoinette, China and Japan’s indigenous people. I mean, they still think that Caucasian means white.

I don’t understand why they refuse to explore or portray West Africa, East Africa, or Sub-Saharan Africa, its people, mythologies, religions. It has countless ethnic nationalities, and very rich and diverse cultures.

My theory is that it is because of two reasons:

This is an African American thing. Secondarily, similar ideas might be supported by next generation immigrants in West Europe at most. I find it wrong that it is called “Afrocentrism” because that trend does not represent indigenous people of Africa, or indigenous people in general, their concerns or their wishes. If you check videos about the whole Cleopatra discourse, Africans do not support the case, they feel weird about it and even embarrassed by the way African Americans tackle these topics. African Americans do not fight for Africa. They fight for their own place in the American society and because they have an extremely traumatic past imposed on them by the American whites, they see this movement in a peaceful yet clearly vengeful perspective. African Americans try to claim more space in societies that were traditionally considered white or colonialist. They do not care nowhere as much about empowering or boosting the voice and development of African countries as at this point they feel distant from them. They too are Americans now, after all. The ulterior incentive is not to present, praise and attract interest for African or other POC culture but rather to be seen as capable of competing with or even toppling white history and culture. Unfortunately, this very ill thought strategy is applied to feminism too. Instead of presenting women as complex people with their strengths, ideas, aspirations and motives, they force them always to a comparison with men or they have to aggressively belittle men and have women assume their positions (ie the James Bond discourse). That’s why the first Wonder Woman movie was so acclaimed and successful in its feminism with both women and men - it was an original female character who also worked peacefully with men. Unfortunately they don’t seem to take the hint of WW for what works and what doesn’t. And to go back to the original topic, this is why Black Panther is also much more acclaimed and successful than all those idiotic projects twisting history to a laughable degree. But these are superheroes and, therefore, also parts of the American culture. To ask Americans to go deep in studying African and Asian cultures and produce accurate and sensitive art from them is too much work and it is not even what they want to talk about anyway.

95% of these movies are made or produced by rich whites. Rich whites follow the trends of the time with zero interest in historical accuracy or sensitivity about other places in the world. A rich white American producer does not care how well his movie will be received in Tanzania or Yemen. He cares how many African or Asian Americans will go to the cinemas. This is the audience they cater to, plus white wokes which is another big trend that can provide his movie with a lot of traction. Neither Africa nor Asia nor indigenous communities in the Americas and Oceania have a remotely considerable benefit out of any of these. Nothing will change in Kenya or in Kenyan people’s everyday lives, concerns and challenges just because Anne Boleyn is now black. It’s been called USA and West Europe’s guilt syndrome but I think it is mostly the realisation that a pretence of a guilt syndrome pays well in these countries’ media production because some people in these countries suck it up like crazy.

[newtlesbian]

Omg your old machinery collection + computer assembly sounds so cool please do not restrain yourself <3 id love to hear you talk more about it

oh kisses you kisses you kisses you. i love to collect old crap irl and to build things. maybe favorite thing about building computiez is i love wire management/organizing. so proud of making sure when you open it up its still as pretty as the front. ill pop that bad boy open and straighten your shit right out whenever people let me. gently gently brushing a girls hair for her oh so sweetly

and i collect anything tbh. any format of physical media is one i love like movies games music whatever i can get my hands on. bought records long before i had a record player. little machines are cute to me. ancient little relics from long ago i would unearth from thriftstores as a child. having to dig for it in piles. excavating. no money for new just things that were already way older than me when i got them used as a kid and now even more. but like i said theyre Cute theyre Sturdy theyre Dependable. and to character analysis mode myself its probably looking for stability and positive memory after losing most of my possessions or some gay shit. but the reality is i just like em :) the things i have currently all still work :) the section of a thrift store thats a wall of plastic baggies full of interesting remote varieties will never let me down

something fun is old games. not just cartridges or sweetest little console/old pc frisbee frisbeasts. the little machines are more fun to hear about. i have a good variety. for one i have such a deep fondness for old plug n play games and how the casings are so unique and goofy and colorful and chunky chunky. they have personality and good looks the whole package <3. something i rarely was gifted but adore. little animals on a leash to me with their wire <3 also non plug-in games. li still have a handheld lcd screen animal facts biology trivia game i loved that i cant seem to find online. so newtcoded of me. loved little educational machines and the purely games ones

and not just old ones ive got newer ones as long as theyre Some Interesting Cute Little Hardware. this posts going on wayyy too long but theres tons of throwback-style game stuff that i think is fun. like different flat darling little handheld animals to miniature version of arcade cabinets. i used to have a bunch of cheapo ancient fast food prizes people threw out. but, again, lost possessions. ill have to rebuild. but a neat newer one is a tetris game only sold in china mcdonalds thats in the shape of a Chicken Nugget. and Uh Yes the box looks like a food container. Yeah. cutest little beast i ever did saw. an angel sitting in the palm of my hands

[bowtiesnmusicals]

Here is my recap of the We Missed a LOT (w/ Josh Sussman) episode of the podcast.

Jenna said this was a really awesome honest conversation about Josh's experience on the show. Kevin said he was fully prepared to be as honest as possible.

Josh said he was very happy to be there.

Jenna said she ran into him at their favorite spot. He told her he listens to the show. They also talked about his experience on Britney/Brittany. They had been meaning to ask him to be on the show but were waiting for more juicy Jacob Ben Israel content. The Britney/Brittany encapsulates that.

Josh said that episode was crazy. He prepared himself to share stories he had never shared publicly before. He figured this is the place to do it. To give it a tease he mentioned that before that episode he had never experienced cyber bullying. He said being on Glee was the best thing ever but because of the creepy terrible things JBI did in Britney/Brittany he got a lot of horrible things written to him. It made him so sad. He's never vocalized that before because who is he to complain. He is so lucky to be on this fantastic show that is also his favorite show. It's so good. He couldn't comprehend because the show dealt with antibullying. He said 99% of the Glee fans are amazing.

He read a letter he received. The person said they wanted to punch him in the face and moved on to saying they wanted to punch him the balls so he could never procreate and have filthy kids like yourself.  You ruined what should have been one of the best songs, Toxic. I hate you, go die. Jenn said she is so sorry. Josh said he isn't looking for a pity party. She said that is horrible and not funny. Kevin said with the advent of Twitter and social media becoming what it is today. Now we know how to deal with cyber bullying in a way. Back then it was still so new and people would say the wildest shit. How are you supposed to know how to deal with that? Josh said he would read everything which was not smart. He said Wreck it Ralph 2 hadn't come out yet and that is where you learn not to read the comments. Josh said to that point people would say nice things but after Britney/Brittany that changed. He said he couldn't stop because he was trying to find the nice comments. Usually the nice heavily outweighs the bad/mean comments.

Jenna said it wasn't Josh. It was a character. It was something that was written for his character. They didn't get any say in what was written for them. They felt so lucky and who were they to speak up against any of the things they were doing. They were just so lucky to have a job and be in the position they were in.

Josh said he had no issue with it. He thought it was funny and envelop pushing. He had no desire to ever say no. Even being naked he was in his trailer doing push-ups but at crafty their was a sandwich truck where you could make your own sandwich. He said he was so good at making a sandwich he made himself a second sandwich. He was like no you are going to be naked. Jenna was laughing through all of this. They shaved his body hair to I guess make him more youthful. The only thing he worried about was getting fired because he was 25 in the first season. He wasn't the oldest one though. Harry and Cory were both older then him. Jenna said they can't escape that everyone knows their ages at this point. Kevin said it also just wild the passion that fans have and had for the show. Most of it was overwhelmingly positive. They get to be on a show that is representing people that aren't normally represented. However the disparity of not being able to tell the difference between Josh and JBI who is very much not Josh. In real life Josh is the sweetest most thoughtful person and playing a character that is the opposite of that. He said he doesn't know where people get off thinking that any of that remotely okay to get on and attack someone for a role they are playing. Josh said that they think we are so similar. They are basing it off what they see in interviews and interviews are awkward especially if you aren't used to them. They would said he is just as creepy as his character or something is wrong with him. He said there is no escape. You can meet people in person and leave them with a great impression. Like oh yeah wow you are nothing like the character you play. Jenna said there is a lot we can't control. She said she is sorry again. She knows he is not looking for a pity party. Cyberbullying is never acceptable. For someone who is just doing their job and doing it well that is really shitty. It makes her very upset. For a long time they would read the comments. At some point she had to close her computer and say she wasn't doing it anymore because it is very harmful. It's really hard to walk the line of wanting to read the good things and then having to take the bad but not having to take the bad. She just wanted to acknowledge that and move away from it.

Josh mentioned that IMDB used to have message boards. The show had a message board and the actors also had boards. On his board there were messages about kicking him off Glee. Others said he's too creepy its not funny. He doesn't know if any of that affected his place on the show. He was only originally booked on one episode. Originally in his script JBI sneezed on Figgins or Schuester but it at some point changed to Lauren doing it. There was a while he wasn't on the show. So he wondered if those comments affected him getting to come to work.

Kevin said it's so hard because Josh showed up and was just so good. He said Josh was very very good. Kevin said their is sort of their world and experience and then people like Josh who weren't in the Glee club and not one of the teachers. Kevin said they didn't see him a lot but he was in a lot of episodes. He said Josh had to play a character that wasn't overly likeable. He said Josh did a great job at the job he was hired to perform. Kevin said he felt like they were around each other but not a close as the glee club was. When they started getting weird things they had each other to turn to. They didn't have that same relationship with Josh. Kevin asked if that was hard. Josh said he felt close to Max because they were in similar positions. The glee club, series regulars, blew up over night. Then there were the recurring characters that were in the radius of this huge show and became recognizable. It was so strange and he said there are things he could only talk about with Max. Josh mentioned again that he was only booked for one episode and it turned into over 20 episodes. Kevin said you were too good. You don't turn a 1 episode role into over 20 by being bad. Kevin said when you have writers like Ian, Brad, and Ryan and they give you something and you made it better then they could have imagined its like keep bringing him back.

Josh's first day was in celibacy club. Ryan started to give him lines to say. These weren't lines in the script. Josh said he felt like Ryan just picked him and said thank you to Ryan. He was in 5 of the first 13 episodes. He only saw those scripts and didn't know who was pregnant with and had fun watching the show putting together the puzzle pieces. Jenna said that is so funny that he didn't know but he was here throughout.

Josh showed up at the Grove when they did a special viewing of Hello. He was mobbed by fans. Security escorted him out and he was put in holding with the rest of the cast. He said he hoped they didn't think he was trying to crash the event. He was paranoid and worried thinking the others thought why is he here. He said no one said anything. It was something he accidentally got thrown into. Kevin and Jenna said no one wondered why he was there. Everyone was around all the time. They just thought of course he would be there. Jenna said that was funny, not for his safety, but just not expecting that all. Josh said he had never experienced anything like that. Kevin said Josh's resume is bonkers. Josh said that is nice of you to say. Josh said he remembers seeing the first episode and thinking he was a part of the best show in the world. He said when Rachel said being a part of something special makes you special. It was a very special time going from doing something and not knowing.

Jenna asked if with each episode would they tell him he might come back or did he not expect it or wait for the phone to ring. Josh said great question. He waited by the phone every time not knowing if he was going to come back.

In the first episode his name was Randy Hankis. During Push It when he was in the audience, Ryan told him if he sees his name in future scripts it would be Jacob. That was his first inkling that he would be back. He came back for Rhodes Not Taken, Throwdown, Wheels, and Sectionals. Kevin said Josh was in all the best episodes. In sectionals he got to join Glee club for a tiny bit. That was short lived.

Josh auditioned for a Fox show. They wanted to test him to be a series regular but because Glee was a Fox show they ended up putting him under contract for the back 9 episodes of season 1 of Glee. That's why he sometimes was only in the background or only had one line. He also had series regular option for season 2 in his contract. They didn't take that option. He said it was so exciting. Jenna and Kevin said he wasn't the only that happened to and that had that same contract. (Chord and Darren) Josh said for the beginning of season 2 he would be in the first 2 episodes. He was in the sixth one as well. After the fallout with Britney/Brittany and people not liking Toxic and he didn't know if he was back. He was brought back for Night of Neglect. He said it didn't make any sense he would heckle at them. In season 3 he did two episodes and season 4 he did two episodes. In the first season the phone rang a lot and then he just kept hoping he would come back. Kevin said it is hard to go from being a guest star that is a one episode thing to getting a series option possible contract in the back 9 and then going back to being a guest star and not knowing. He said people don't understand or realize that is all they want is to get to do this fun job and get to be given an opportunity. When you get the chance to be on a show that is successful and be in episodes if you aren't a regular you would never know. Kevin said he was in two episodes a show and in the second episode a wardrobe person came up to him and said they were so said they were said his character was being killed off. He had no idea. The experience of being on these things is so much fun and its like I am just trying to keep my head down and do good work and make sure no one wants to fire me for any reason. Please keep brining me back because 1 the paycheck is great and 2 I love being a part of this and it's fun.. Kevin said it is just tough out here.

Josh asked if it was okay to do light light gossip. Kevin and Jenna said yeah do whatever you want. Josh said in his very last episode there was a cast member that asked why is he here. That made him wonder if there was a reason he wasn't supposed to be here. He didn't know if something where it was talked about that now Jacob is done. He said he doesn't know why they said that. Kevin said sounds like their issue and not yours. It's unfortunate because we know hard it is to come in and out of a show like that. Also they aren't calling the shots and they aren't writing things. If someone shows up in a scene who are we to question such things. Jenna said it doesn't just take the core cast but you need the guest and recurring actors made the show colorful and elevated it so much. She said just because we have the contract and were there everyday didn't mean the guest and recurring characters didn't belong. Kevin said things did come off the rails a bit in season 5 and 6. There were some behavior issues with a lot of people. Jenna said they learned very early to make people feel comfortable when they come in because it must be hard to come into such a massive show. A show that has so much visibility and has such a tight knit crew. She said they really did try to be more conscious of it towards later seasons to be welcoming and tired to put themselves in their shoes. She said she hoped Josh felt welcome aside from the individual humans that chose to not be so kind. Josh said he can't believe someone would say that and he witnessed things that he can't believe he witnessed.

Josh mentioned that people from that docuseries tried to convince him to be a part of it. They were trying to tell him it was a fun feel good thing. He said this is where he wants to be to tell his story. Apparently they were all approached about it and it was very misleading. Jenna said they feel a responsibility to bring on people like Josh that helped make the show so great and to talk about the good times they had. She said people don't get to hear from Josh and Max as mush. Kevin said they do this without trying to put a spin on it. Jenna said they don't have an agenda. Kevin said it takes a giant community to put together a tv show. He said it was humbling to have Josh feel safe to tell his story.

Jenna called him Jacob. She said I did it again and she knew she was going to fucking do it again on this show. She thinks it's the J's. Her brain sometimes she just wants to call him Jacob.

Kevin started laughing when Jenna put on her glasses.

Jenna asked Josh to talk about his experience in being recognized as the show blew up and recently does he still get recognized or did he feel a resurgence when Glee came back on the streamers? Josh said he feels like it ever really stopped. Jenna and Kevin said he is so recognizable. Josh said he cut off his hair in season 4, he buzz cut it, and it was like disguise for him for a time. He said he would rather have an overwhelming amount of recognition if it means he is working. He said he gets recognized for Drake and Josh, Wizards, and Glee. It's always one of those three. He said sometimes people come up and don't tell you which it is and sometimes people just put their phone in his face for a selfie. Kevin asked if Josh can tell what show they recognized him from. Josh said usually not but sometimes he can guess. He said his least favorite and hardest thing is when someone askes what do I know you from. Kevin said he hates that. Josh's go to answer is maybe we go to the same Starbucks because when he moved out to LA he saw someone that looked familiar. He asked him if they knew each other and the guy said well I have a recurring role on One Tree Hill and said it so douchey. Josh said he never wants to be that person. So even though he thinks there is a 90% chance they know him from Glee or something else, unless they say are you an actor he doesn't want to seem like he is just listing his resume. Kevin and Jenna said their brains work the same way. Jenna said she has gotten a lot of recognition lately. Josh said he gets a lot of you were my childhood which is a little weird. He said best perk of fame is to make people happy. Talking to someone for even just a minute could make their whole day. He remembers meeting John Stamos and he was cloud nine. He realized maybe people have the same feeling when they meet him.

(This is just part 1 Click HERE for part 2.)

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Movie Review | Shut In (Caruso, 2022)

The most notable thing about this movie and the reason I sought it out was the involvement of Vincent Gallo, who came out of retirement for almost a decade to appear in this movie. His participation can likely be explained by the fact that Gallo is an outspoken conservative and that this movie was produced by the Daily Wire, a conservative media company owned by a deeply unpleasant man who shall not be named and who is something of an intellectual hero to the right on the basis of many arguments where he DESTROYS the dumbest people on the left by talking too fast for them to keep up. Who could this person be? We will never know. But Gallo's involvement gets a lot harder to explain when you realize he has like ten, maybe fifteen minutes of screentime, or at least scenes where he's given some dialogue. Maybe he didn't read the script beforehand, but what I can say in favour of the movie is that his presence hangs over the rest of the movie. His portrayal of a pedophilic meth addict is so sleazy and so forcefully performed that he makes the movie around him feel a touch extra noxious. To the extent that Shut In works as a thriller, a good amount of credit goes to him.

Now, I have not seen the Daily Wire's other productions (I'm not particularly keen to support their work directly, and that school shooting movie sounds a little too vile even for me), but I understand that as far as explicitly conservative movies go, they're supposed to be closer to real movies than all those movies where Kevin Sorbo rails against atheists, abortions, antifa and probably Anthony Fauci. (I haven't actually seen those movies, I'm going by secondhand reports.) Given Dallas Sonnier's involvement as a producer, I can make a comparison to two Cinestate productions, Dragged Across Concrete and The Standoff at Sparrow Creek. Both of those are similarly grimy thrillers and can be read as right wing (although I think there's some ambiguity with the latter), but despite their politics, I think those movies know how to work as examples in their genre and are willing to muddy the moral waters of their protagonists. The heroine here is defined as a recovered drug addict who loves Jesus, and the movie has no idea how to make this dramatically compelling. We get long scenes of her looking longingly at the cross nailed on her wall, and one very long scene of her reading the bible. In the middle of a home invasion. Exciting stuff.

And her recovery from addiction is nominal, because the movie never depicts her as being even remotely tempted by drugs during the runtime. Some of this is the movie's gross views on addiction at play, as the drug addicts in the movie are almost comically evil and crippled by their addictions, and the movie makes the not terribly subtle metaphor of throwing out bad apples or cutting out the rotten bits (and does so repeatedly, meaning we get lots and lots of shots of apples). The movie posits that drugs are something only bad people and good people can never succumb to them because they're good people. Which, despite never having been near hard drugs in my life, reads as entirely dishonest to me. I recently watched The Boost, (starring James Woods, who shockingly enough hasn't shown up in one of these movies despite the views he's voiced through his deranged Twitter account), and 8 Million Ways to Die, and what those movies get (despite the former plunging into a worst case scenario style depiction), is the idea of constant temptation and threat of relapse. This one features the heroine being handed some supposedly high grade meth and batting nary an eyelash, instead scheming how she can use it against her assailants.

Aside from that, much of the movie has the heroine locked repeatedly in a pantry while her dumbass kid proves useless in helping her get out. Which means that it's pretty low wattage as far as home invasion thrillers go, although D.J. Caruso does provide some sturdy visual direction. That being said, the fact that the heroine's comically run down house looks like something out of a Conjuring sequel and is shot in fecal tones to boot means that it never registers as a real, lived-in space, which greatly undermines the immediacy of the premise. So no, I do not recommend seeing this movie, although Gallo's performance is pretty engaging and the few minutes of conscious screentime he has could be edited into a pretty tense short film.