#like thats what i want to study in like grad school (ah!)

[alchemylive]

first day o the semester

[alotsgonnachange]

Mystic Messenger Saeran’s AE Thoughts (.......And Prayers..) #Spoilerz

Hello, I just finished Saeran’s after ending and I have a lot of things to say and I am going to write it down while I'm still all keyed up about it.

First of all… Please DO NOT ask me how much money I spent to finish this as fast as I did…. I’m grown but my bank account is certainly going to have a good ole fashioned CHUCKLE at this….. It’s been a long quarantine I deserve a lil happiness as a treat methinks!

I have been playing this absolutely insane game since I think 2016? When I first started playing the deep routes had JUST come out I think? And I was just finishing up high school and am now a college grad...lmao

I’ve played all routes at least once except Jaehee but i’ve seen walkthroughs of her route (I’ve heard it makes you hate Jumin and he’s my favorite so um. hehe). V’s and Saeran’s routes I found to be so emotionally intense and just….a lot and I've been waiting a long ass god damn time for this after ending okay…. I would theorize and make up an ending in my head but i’m no writer so it was hard to figure out lol. I’m a Jumin stan mostly but I love everybody and yeah I should probably play that jumin dlc too but I need like a DAY to recover from Saeran’s AE. Enough about me HERE are my thoughts on it overall

Major Saeran AE Spoilers under da cut!

Can we please discuss V showing up to the C+R conference room with basically chloroform and made everybody Pass Out like??? I was alone in my room at like midnight just SCREAMING at my phone???? And the creepy ass CG ???? It’s like that gif of sarah paulson from ahs being like “I put arsenic in the wine….and the pasta”

Anyway I screamed at V a lot during this process!!

Loved RFA being sweet and kind to saeran (before V fucking drugged them…)

This is such common V behavior “I have to do it all myself...there’s no other way..” GIRL SHUT UPPP You do this every route....

SO many CG’s and I enjoy them a lot

Saeran’s sprite looks a little TOO crisp compared to everyone else but maybe its a glitch??? V next to him is in 480p while saeran is like 1080p

Hearing both Saeran and Saeyoung missing the other brother the whole time??? PAIN. All my homies know is PAIN

BOSS and his V for Vendetta ass guy fawkes mask??? I literally yelled “this game is TERRIBLE!!” several times at my phone

Their dad is so>??????? When he was sitting on the couch with saeyoung in that one CG while simultaneously telling him to kill himself?????????? Maybe chairman han is actually the best dad in this game somehow

When V and Rika were like we’re back together teehee teehee okay pack it up bonnie and clyde ..

When chairman han calls u and says hes jealous of u and saeran…..HUH????? I’m calling HR

When they go to the apartment and see boss and vanderwood and poor saeyoung is sitting there seeing his brother for the first time in years i wanted to D word sooooo bad like PAIN...PAIN….

Can we HAVE A DISCUSSION ABOUT JUMIN HAN BEING THE BEST CHARACTER IN THE GAME AND HE LOST EVERYTHING IN THIS AE……. he just took the blame and moved on jumin what the hell….. I love him so much r we serious? He watched his 2 closest friends betray him in the worst way and found out abt how Rika abused Saeyoung and Saeran???? I felt just AWFUL. Terrible ...Terrible….

Rika’s change in demeanor from Saeran's actual route is certainly a Choice. I find her much more bearable this time around and unfortunately i think I was too nice to her and ended up with a bad end LMFAO

I was happy to see Saeran stand up for himself and become stronger and confident. You go king!

The CG of Yoosung laying in Zen’s lap is everything to me…

HOWEVER YUP I sure did get a bad ending and I was so mad fdsafdskfdhsf ! (I would be happy to clarify how I got the good one the second time.) MAKE SURE To SAVE EARLY in days 2 and 3 bc the branches on day 4 is where the bad end will show up. For me it was the first day 4 chat and then a story mode titled “SAVIOR”.... If you see that RUN FOR THE HILLS!!

I was so mad! But I had saved in day 2 and replayed and MANAGED to get good end

I’m obsessed with everyone calling V and Rika “that psychotic couple” like…..its true its true…

No those two are so toxic… V’s route was torture watching them go on and on about the sun like yo can yall just call each other babe like normal people.

I respect straight people but not V and RIka that shit was just wrong… Straight marriage was a mistake

Oh lord i also FULLY Forgot Rika killed the twins’ mother…. Yeah that scene was um Certainly a lot but it needed to happen eventually

Like it’s good they know but damn that storyline is just so bleak

I think it was satisfying TO A DEGREE….To see Rika understand where she was wrong, why she was wrong, fess up and even APOLOGIZE! I was very surprised.

Saeran and Saeyoung are Certainly twins with the amount that those two self sacrifice in every route MY GOD…..

The scene with Jumin talking to his father and the other scene of him praying oh my god I cannot tell you how happy I was to see him begin to understand and address his own feelings in a route that was not his own. My main problem with Jumin’s route has always been the trapping MC in his penthouse aspect.. This way Jumin understands love and emotions without being overly possessive !!! YAY also loved seeing him be on good terms with his dad who was surprisingly profound

That last Story mode was Really a Lot…. and Strange things occurred which I will get into in just a minute

Jumin becoming a politician is so funny but ngl … i see it.

Yoosung going to france to study pastries ok king I see u! (it made more sense to me than the vet thing anyway)

Lastly Zen FURRY ERA

MY BEEF With the AE

I was happy with how they handled it for the most part. I think Cheritz heard our feedback about V’s after ending and was like okay….let’s try something different

HOWEVER

Saeran…. Sweet kind saeran… IS SO AFFECTIONATE HAHA….

He must have said I love you like 300 times…..very mushy gushy flowery language...and maybe that’s just his personality but for me it was like eating cake with buttercream cake. It means well, but god damn is it sugary and going to cause a stomach ache later.

He was just… SO MUCH! SO forward and ON all the time in his affections. I honestly felt kind of smothered and by day 3 and 4 I was sooooo over all the compliments… King you’ve come a very long way, but ur still putting MC on a pedestal and probably need to see a therapist.

Nextly….Rika and V….. Naw that knock out gas really ...that hurt lol. Coming from “I would do anything to protect RFA” V? Idk like…. EYE felt betrayed reading that. It was just hurtful. I can’t even imagine how the members would have felt as they were passing out. It was just so cruel. I suppose I understand why but like?? Just TERRIBLE

Them being in cahoots with the agency and the prime minister..HUH??? Also too much

V just felt so irresponsible like I do understand that he ended up in a weird web of secrets that’s hard to untangle but he’s so fucking stubborn he’s SO stubborn it makes me insane. Like sir… It seems like in other routes he wanted to try to protect Rika and the RFA.. But in this AE it seems more to me that he was like yeah i’m protecting Rika and That’s It… so fucking hurtful to me. Both of y’all apologize ESPECIALLY to the twins and Jumin..

The forgiveness thing…… Okay so I think some people will not like that Saeran decided to “forgive” the people who hurt him (Rika, V, Saejoong, his mother). I would point out that I actually think this was approached somewhat well. He says at one point that he doesn’t think they’re good or bad, just people. I think he sounded mature and like this was the way for him personally to accomplish his healing process. Would I have loved for Saeran to flip V and Rika off and kick Saejoong off a cliff? Yea I really would. But like…. If that’s what HE needs to do to heal then who am I to judge?

HOWEVER…. Everything Eye just said goes out the window when the scenes at the end with Saejoong come up… I was PERPLEXED. Like why did he HUG his deranged father who just kicked the shit out of him??? Also all the chat options that MC has with him r like blah blah you’re like this because no one loves you were so corny to me LMFAOOOO?

AND WHEN HE WAS IN THE ROOM LATER WITH SAERAN… i’m sorry but if that were me I would have called a nurse to deck his ass. Cool he turned himself in YOU SUCK SOOOO BAD AND I NEVER WANT YOU TO COME NEAR SAEYOUNG AND SAERAN AGAIN THANKS.

*scratches ass* I wish I got to see saeyoung and saeran finally sit down and have that first conversation after a long time and hug CG but the ending was fine I GUESS….. I dont care about ROMANCE I want those boys to be happy brothers together

Anyway that was really emotionally exhausting but I fr think I got it out of my system after literal years… And I can rest in peace knowing the choi twins are happy. THATS ALL I WANTED TO KNOW!!!!

[whindsor]

tag yourself- i’m me saying i was going to read for the rest of the night but not having the attention span to not check tumblr after i get through a chapter- but not too soon! i love you!

but thank you for the rec!!! i will definitely watch- she’s perfect for lu and yes i already spent a large amount of time going thru the extra content of her on ur page cause i couldn’t stop myself <33

and don’t apologize!!! YOU ARE ELOQUENT. THATS THE WHOLE REASON IM HERE!!!! i will be happy to compliment your writing any day- i don’t need any poetry in return! i’m just so happy to know that you do see the comments cuz like i said- i be pouring my HEART OUT in the ao3 comment section. i literally will write the comments as i read along like i’m fuckin annotating or something just to make sure i don’t forget anything i want to say cuz YOU DESERVE ALL THE COMPLIMENTS!!

and austin!! i want to go to grad school there!! so bad!! lucky duck. but YES PLEASE AN ORIGINAL IDEA BASED IN AUSTIN PLEASE. when i read lu is from virginia and used to have the southern belle drawl i was so happy cuz like!! yes miss girl represent us southerners! and i really want her to use it to tease bucky more cuz i feel like that’s the kinda thing that’d make him love her even more (is that possible? i’m not sure)

alright anyways i gotta go read steve finally save those two <33 can’t wait to fucking cry when they get captured again ! like. they went thru all this shit playing their little truth or truth game to stay sane, only to get rescued and get some sense of safety back, ONLY TO GET CAPTURED AGAIN :| that’s somehow sadder than them just never getting rescued but whatever. im emotionally prepared. im ready. i think.

HI I'M DYING IT'S FINE I LOVE YOU. please enjoy the show and the extra content cause both are there to be enjoyed!!!

listen. listen. do you understand what a goddamned joy it is to read your annotations? like, 12/10 would recommend. it fuels my soul. it makes me believe in love again. it waters my crops or whatever the kids are saying these days idk grandma over here is doing her best to keep up.

AH YES austin is so fun!! i don't wanna move back there cause the traffic lol but it is suuuuch a great city for a student. my high school was close to the UT campus so i had no desire to go there lol i was an aggie oops! what are you studying?? southern lu is the piece of me that's in her lol ah man, au where she goes from virginia to new york to escape her engagement instead of into the navy.

i hope you were prepared there's def a lot of fluff between points A and B don't worry!

[6ixfics]

bff!woong

ok so i feel like you would meet because of mutual friends?

weird but you clicked SO well

and you just got close lots of inside jokes and late night calls and skyping while studying especially during the exam periods

he would help you with topic or concepts and topics you lack behind in and youd help him with his too!!!!!!!

you get so close that he can come over to your house at any time of the day

and your parents would be 100% chill with it

same goes with you to his home

head pats and long hugs

but also forehead flicks and shoulder shoving

you dont need to say anything for him to know that something is off

like it could be something happening at home

or school or friends

or just self negativity

he would know it without you mentioning it

sometimes even when you try to hide it he ALWAYS succeeds in making you open up (not in the manipulative way, of course)

and yes ofc bff woong would include doing absolutely anything for you when youre upset

he would come over with your fav movies and snacks and make a fort in your room

sometimes he would try to cheer you up with his lame jokes and silly antics

but sometimes he also just wants to listen to you and let you vent to him :(

when anyone in your friend group teases about you and him he would fake puke

���i dont even see her as a girl??!!!?!?”

his mum does it too

and he grumbles and tells her that youre too ugly for him

but hes definitely a lifesaver when you get in trouble

be it when youre walking home alone at night

or in school when youre being targeted

“im always a call away, dummy!”

once you got asked out by this jerk in school

and you clearly were put in a really awkward and uncomfortable situation

and woong just strides down the hallway and puts his arm around your shoulder and he just

“oh hey!!! lets go for ice cream today!!! my treat!!!”

when hes feeling nice he randomly puts chocolate bars on your table

or like small random things he finds in his home

like a keychain

(or his homework for you to copy)

omg and you always complain about how nice he is to other girls

but with you hes like HEY ASSHOLE

to which he just shrugs

and says “not my fault we are both in the friendzone and dont want to go past it”

and maybe at one point

you DO have a crush on him

and he DOES have a crush on you

and maybe you try it out for like a month or two

but then it just gets weird

because you two act too much like friends

so you stop and just forget it happened

“omg woong we CANNOT date”

“yea wtf when i kiss u im weirded out”

bffies forever :D

hes the Head Planner of your bday party

EVERY

DAMN

YEAR

he gets everything right it shocks you

speaking of parties

he throws the best parties

(social butterfly perks)

sometimes you forget that hes like kinda popular

and known

because hes handsome

and nice

and smart

(but hes like annoying to you so)

((thats why you forget it))

and like everyone

well, POTENTIALLY everyone

is wrapped around his finger

and hes just

charming

(you can puke while saying that)

oh right

SLEEPOVERS

more like no sleep but

SLEEPOVERS

still dont know how your mum is SO chill with having a guy in your room

way too often at that

and HIS mum is like OVERJOYED when you come over like wadahell

oh prom time

prom lol

“did anyone ask u out”

“why would anyone ask me out”

“because ure y/n???”

(he thinks youre like REALLY pretty)

((but he thinks that if he said it to you irl it would be like… creepy))

“ok woong dont need to flex your 10 promposals we get it ure famous”

“u know i rejected them all”

and u kinda get shocked

because his life long crush actually asked him to prom

and shes like pretty and in the higher classes and is rich

something that would define “woong standard”

so like why the hell would he reject her??!!!?!??

“what? WHY”

“i wna go with u”

“WHAT??? WHY??????”

“because ur my best friend!”

sometimes youre like what did i do to deserve this dumb boy

and sometimes

(without you knowing)

hes also like what did i do to be able to see her everyday

like yall both are so thankful for e/o

but are both too pussy to say it to e/o irl

because its cringey

and SO not like the two of u

so on prom night

when youre just dancing and like giggling

because why are two best friends at prom together when one has a whole queue of dates to go with

you just

sincerely

hold his hand

“thanks”

“for??????”

“being my best friend?”

and woong COOS

and pats your head

and pinches your cheek

“awwwww shes soft for me!!!!”

“FUCK off”

“thanks for being my best friend too y/n”

and u know that smile he does

the iconic ^_^

yea

eyes all crinkled up and cute

(gawd hes so cute)

and like idk even when years go by

and you grad high school together

you still keep in touch even though youre in different colleges and later universities

when he comes back to visit you wait for him at the airport

and despite not talking for long intervals when you see him again you know thats your best friend

and youre 10x more supportive when he brings home a girl

and of course its endless bantering and teasing

in the end you are always happy for him

and hes happy for you

even with him studying out of the country he makes time for u!!

and he has a whole day to spend with you when he comes back

and its times like those where youre like ah shit THIS is my best friend

and u r just so happy for him

like rly your friendship is the best thing that had ever happened to you

and so is it to him

hes always so happy to have you

“hey y/n”

“what”

“i love you!!!!!!”

“what the hell……… i love you too”

he does ok

his bff > anyone else

in conclusion

woong best boy

[ehstarwar]

the gentler gamester is the soonest winner (2/4)

Looking very debonair in dark jeans and a too-tight sweater stretched across his wide chest, is an exasperated man, formerly known a Seat Thief. Otherwise known as Ben.

Oh, fuck.

-

Rey and Ben find out they have some mutual friends. (Shocking, I know.)

-

Rating: Teen and Up

Word Count: 2K

Read on AO3

Notes: it's awkward silences! it's a lot of blushing! it's... The Angst™

Chapter 2: to mourn a mischief that is past and gone

-

“This equation is wrong.”

“What? Where?”

“The variable is in the wrong place, I think.”

“I’ll email Skywalker,” Rey says. Finn continues onto the next problem as Rey thinks of a polite way to tell a professor with an ego the size of Coruscant that he got something wrong. Poe takes a loud sip of a frappuccino that ran out about three sips ago. Rey looks up to give Poe a pointed glare when she sees his face look behind her shoulder and light up. 

 “Benji!” Poe shouts, waving his hands. Rey is used to Poe’s… eccentric behavior, even has come to like it on occasion, but this isn’t that time. Rey is prepping for her onslaught of midterms, trying to figure out how she can squeeze more hours in at the coffee counter without any more hours in the day, and hoping that she can stretch her clean underwear until next week. 

In short, Rey does not have time to make pleasantries with the, most likely, similarly eccentric person Poe is about to introduce to them. Rey glances behind her shoulder and feels her stomach drop.

Looking very debonair in dark jeans and a too-tight sweater stretched across his wide chest, is an exasperated man, formerly known a Seat Thief. Otherwise known as Ben.

Oh, fuck.

Rey snaps her head back around, trying to come up with a way to inconspicuously brush out her greasy, one-too-many-days-of-dry-shampooed hair. She prays that there are no rogue grease stains on her clothes from her shop class and vows to do her laundry as soon as she gets home. 

“Guys, this is my friend Ben. I don’t think you’ve met him. He refuses to come to my parties because he has a pole up his tight ass,” Poe says. Ben has now walked up to the table, looking cool and calm in a way that makes her want to die. 

“Ugh, hi Poe,” He says curtly. Rey thinks for one minute that perhaps he doesn’t recognize her, probably from lack of throwing daggers with his eyes at her during class, but it proved wrong. “Rey,” Ben says nodding towards her.

“Hey,” Rey says, voice breathless. 

“How do you know each other?” Poe asks, taking another sip from his cup. Rey resist the urge to slap it out of his hands. 

“Rey is in Ashoka Tano’s class that I’m helping out in,” Ben explains. 

“Oh, the one where that guys keeps stealing your seat?” Finn pipes up. Rey would very much like armageddon to happen right. fucking. now.

“That was actually just a misunderstanding on my part! Not a big deal really; we sorted it out,” Rey pipes up, her voice octavos higher than usual. Both Finn and Poe give her an odd look, but ben just chuckles. “Um, how do you know Poe?” She asks Ben.

Ben opens his mouth to start explaining, but Poe beats him to it. “Oh, Benny and I go way back. Our parents are old friends. How’s your Mom doing? I haven’t seen her around the office for a few days.”

“She’s fine. Vacation with my Dad for their anniversary,” Ben says.

“I thought they were divorced?” Poe asks.

“They are.” Ben’s deadpan voice makes Rey let out a nervous chuckle.

After a tense moment Finn clears his voice and Poe pipes back up. “This is our friend Finn. You’d of met him already if you ever answered any of my texts.” A terse silence falls over the group after Finn and Ben shake hands, and Ben looks down at her, mirroring Rey’s discomfort.

“Well, I’ll… see you around then,” Ben nods before walking off. Rey wants desperately to get back to studying, but leave it to Poe not to know when to shut up.

“That was weird.” He looks over at Rey. “Why was it so weird between you two?”

Rey huffs, refusing to make eye contact. “It’s not weird between us.”

“Um, yes it is.”

“No, it’s not.”

“It totally is-”

“Are you five years old? It’s not weird and that’s that.”

“Ooookayyyy…” Poe drawls.

Rey tries to focus on her work, but can’t help and glance over to where Ben wandered off. She wonders if Poe was right, if it was weird. It shouldn’t be, should it? The air was clear, the seat stealing was all but forgotten, they even had a little flirt. 

But it does feel weird, although she’ll never admit that to Poe.

Rey decides that no work will get done under these conditions and begins to pack up.

“Where are you going?” Finn asks when she shuts her laptop. 

“I’m just not in a studying mood right now.”

“Rey-Rey, is this about the thing with Ben? I’m sorry for bringing it up-“

“It’s really not, Poe. No worries, really.” Finn and Poe share an unconvinced look so Rey gives them her best mega-watt smile to appease the situation. She thinks, perhaps, that it just makes her look like a lunatic.

“Okay, well… we’ll see you at home?” Finn asks. Rey flashes him a thumbs up before marching on.

-

A quick detour later, Rey finds Ben on the second floor in the library, pouring over a book that is at least four times her age. He looks every bit the studious literature professor that could be found in the library at four o’clock on a Friday night. She tries not to find it so endearing.

As she approaches him, Ben looks up at her and a wide smile spreads across his face. She tries not to find that so endearing as well. (She fails spectacularly.)

“Hi,” He breathes. Rey stick out the small paper bag in her grasp. Ben’s brow knits in confusion.

“It’s an apology scone,” Rey clarifies. 

“That’s really unnecessary, Rey, honestly-”

“Actually it is necessary, for me, at least. I was very mean to you in my head, like shakespearian-level-insults-mean. You accepting this would help ease my mind tremendously. It’s really more of a favor to me, so: take it.” She pushes the bag even closer to him.

Ben laughs, a real, hearty laugh that makes something in Rey sing.

“I’d hate for you to live with this guilt, so,” Ben takes the package, “thank you.”

Rey beams at him. She’s overcome with the urge to sit down next to him and tell him about her day then ask him every question she could possibly think of when she realizes that she did not plan this far.

Obtain apology scone: check.

Present apology scone: check.

Her fool proof plan did not account for how much she didn’t want to leave after giving him said scone, so now she’s standing next to him unsure of her next move. 

“Do you wanna…?” Ben gestures vaguely to the table and Rey is seated across from him before he can finish speaking. She hopes the little chuckle he gives is more at her actions than at her. 

“Are you a grad student?” Rey asks, desperate to move on from the long, awkward pauses that seem to plague her day.

“PhD candidate, actually. In literature. Thats why I’m assisting Dr. Tano,” He explains. 

“Oh wow. How long does that track take?”

“About four years to complete just for the doctoral. I have about a year left.”

“Me too! I mean, in undergrad. Not PhD. I don’t think I could handle another four years of school.”

“What’s your major?”

“Civil Engineering.”

Ben’s eyebrows raise. “Very impressive.”

“It’s really not… but thanks. I’m not sure Professor Skywalker would agree,” Rey laughs. A darkness crosses Ben’s face that make something twist unpleasantly in Rey’s gut.

“That’s not surprising.” Ben says, voice low. This would be an excellent time to practice the self-restraint Rey is always meaning to work on, but her mouth works before her brain does.

“You know him, too? Professor Skywalker?” She ask.

“Ugh, yeah. He’s my uncle.”

Rey is sure her confused face is, in fact, the least attractive thing she could be doing right now, but she can’t quite help it. 

“Wow, that’s… crazy that we’ve never met before. I mean- we pretty much run in the same circles,” Rey says. Ben runs a hand through his hair and shrugs.

“I don’t really hang out with them… or anyone, really. They all were pretty pissed when I chose FO instead of Chandrila for undergrad.”

Oh.

“Oh.” The silence is awkward but she’d choose that instead of automatic reaction of calling him a villainous, uncaring, republican snake that she assumes everyone who comes out of First Order University is. 

But he’s not. He’s Ben. Her mentor’s nephew. Her best friend’s childhood friend. Her favorite teachers TA. The guy who has been super cool and nice when he could’ve been a total and complete ass and gotten away with it.

“Well, it’s nice that you came back. You should, you know. Hang out with them again, I mean.”

“You think?” He looks at her cockeyed, and Rey hopes she’s not blushing too hard when she responds.

“Yeah! Because… I hand out with them. So we could hang out, together. It would be… nice.”

Rey swears she sees the tips of his ear turn red and is unable to kid herself on how endearing she finds that.

“Yeah… nice.”

They look at each other for a long moment and Rey tries to ignore the plushness of his lips and constellation of moles and the twitch in his lips that she’s come to assume his his version of smiling. 

And then, once more, a bomb.

“Ah, there you are Ben! Do you have the 100 level assessments from last week?” Dr. Tano’s voice breaks them out of their reverie and Ben begins to shuffle through his meticulously organized folders. “Oh, good evening Ms. Niima.”

Rey swallows the lump in her throat. Dr. Tano doesn’t seem to notice anything going on between Ben and herself, not that there is anything going on, but Rey still feels like the kid who got caught with their hand in the cookie jar. 

“Ms. Niima were just going over her midterm,” Ben lies as he hands Dr. Tano a stack of papers. Based on his response, at least Rey knows Ben feels the same way.

“That’s very admirable of you, Ms. Niima. But don’t let Ben take up too much of your Friday night,” Dr. Tano says. Rey laughs a little too hard and it sounds unconvincing even to her own ears.

“I was just leaving actually… I’ll see you in class, Dr. Tano. Um… goodnight.” Rey quickly swings her backpack on and shoves the chair back under the table before either of them have a chance to respond.

Rey does spare a glance back towards Ben when she reaches the door. Dr. Tano is speaking to him, something probably important, but Ben is focused on her. 

She exits library and tries to pretend that the clenching she feels in her heart is just temporary and has nothing to do with Ben. 

(Unfortunately, Rey is smart enough to know it does.) 

[tayegi]

The amount of planning you put into your stories. The slightest details to everything, including the characters personalities and the way they behave towards different situations etc. I just wow. Your writing is amazing and we truly don't deserve it. Thank you for haring with us!

Anonymous said:you're amazing and i love you. YOU NICE. KEEP GOING!!!!!!!!!!!♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

Anonymous said:the new rules update!!!!!!!! im screaming!!!!!!!!!! jungkook you bloody idiot!!!! god i love your writing so much its always so heartwarming to see you've posted something

Anonymous said:Really nr could be a full length novel, I fucking love it. I was reading the last chapters at uni and almost cry, I had to hold it up but your music recommendations just made it hard. I love that you include songs to listen while reading.

Anonymous said:Btw I just wanted to tell you that I get so fucking excited when you update new rules you don’t understand like it actually made my day/ made me angry/ sad but in the best way so thank youuuuuuuu!!! Also I’m dying for Jungkook to get his shit together oh my god

Anonymous said:idk maybe im too emotional and pmsing but i legit cried reading chapter 11.... jk always reacted weird to relationship talk.. it’s obvious he has scars .. BUT ITS ALSO OBVIOUS HE LOVES OC NDKSKDK IM SO CONFLICTED !!! that shit hurted :-( i just want tHem to be happy UGH

Anonymous said:OMFG So I started following you like eons ago and I can't remember for what fit exactly but then I came upon New Rules and I read all 11 chapters in the span of 1 night and I am OBSESSED. I love how annoying Feminist the Character is, and how strong her personality. And I don't mean annoyingly as a bad thing I just mean that the people around her know her too well for going on these rants and tangents and it's so relatable and I love it. You did such a good job developing the OC and I'm ShoOk

Anonymous said:I have been quite stressed lately, trying to keep with all the work for senior year, studying for the gre and I still need to get started on my grad school applications. I haven't read the last couple of chapters of New Rules because I want to savor it properly after I am done with all this at the end of the year. I treasure and I am grateful for each update and want to give it the attention and love the work deserves. Just wanted to let you know you are greatly appreciated! LOVE YOU!

Anonymous said:Hi Lu 💕 just a reminder to please take your time writing. Take a bubble bath, drink some tea, watch some animal videos, go for a walk, eat something delicious, google some pictures of tae, idk do whatever you need to be happy! Don’t ever feel pressured to please your readers 😄 only write for yourself Oh, and happy Halloween 😈

Anonymous said:I feel so conflicted because I read new rules chapter eleven and I felt like my heart was getting ripped out and stomped on...but the writing was so fucking good I couldn’t hate it for making me feel this way..ur an incredible writer love💕💕💕

Anonymous said:Hi Lu! I don't really have anything to ask you, just wanting to pop by and tell you that you're a quality human and I hope your days get better and better

asmi10 said:I've wanted to write this to you for a while since I see so many people asking you for updates! I can not imagine how difficult it must be for you to manage your phd and your writing. I'm a writer as well, and I'm currently applying for my PhD on postcolonial literature. And my heart breaks, trying to find some time to just write. so imagining your situation seems even more impossible. I wish you rest, and whatever it is you need to make yourself feel better!

Anonymous said:omg love no need to thank me at all!!!! You deserve all the love in the world and all the encouraging messages! I’m just happy you even replied to my message! It means the world to me that you think my message meant the world to you (if that makes sense) I hope you have a lovely lovely weekend 💗💗 (happy anon)

Anonymous said:Also you're h*ckin cute and my lil bi heart is going wild 4 you 💖💖💖

Anonymous said:Hey I just wanted to say how much I admire you 💖 You're one of the first writers I followed on here and as someone who is a fan of BTS and aspires to be a writer one day (if I can fckin pass my uni course) I really appreciate all the time and effort you put into your pieces, as well as your blog as a whole. You remind me to include diversity always, even when it's not always the first thing that comes to mind, and that sticking to your morals and values is immensely important ❤️❤️ Much love

itsrachelm said:Luuuuuu! You seem to be online so I just wanted to pop by to say thank you for all your amazing writing!!! I hope you’re having a wonderful day!

Anonymous said:You’re so cute, I saw the pic of your face and all I can think of us how cute you look

lucielux said:HOW ARE YOU SO PRETTY OOF ♥︎ You remind me a lot of Lisa, with a lil bit of Jennie~

Anonymous said:BETTER THAN LOOKS IS CERTAINLY PERSONALITY AND I LOVE YOURS! I Wish i could be more like you irl you know, knowing my rights and actually making them a big deal instead of being silent most of the time :( we need more people like you in the world and seeing your face makes me happy for knowing exactly WHO i am thankful for existing and bring yourself ♡ take care of yourself Lulu ♡♡ i really admire you for sharing with us your thoughts, that is such a personal thing, through amazing stories ♡♡♡♡

Anonymous said:Fab gurl with fab personality pls do never feel bad abt urself 💜💜💜💜💜💜I PURPLE U 💜💜💜💜💜 ah, can i call u big sis??? Or nah? Thats okay too i respect u 😗😗😗 ughh i feel like a kid when write like this lol K BYE

Anonymous said:you may not look like min yoongi, but that stare could definetely cut a bitch!!! i don't think i've met someone who's so aborably intimidating in my entire life 😮 anyways, i like every single one of your stories and i have a lot of respect for you for working in a STEM occupation... that's not easy, coming from a pre-med student 😅 i hope you have a lovely day and i hope no one fucks with you 😁💓💓💓

Anonymous said:If all middle aged fisherman look like that then I have clearly been missing out. Who needs tinder when turns out that the hot people hang out at the pond. Better start going to lakes to find an extremely pretty date😭🤔

I HAVE THE CUTEST, GREATEST FOLLOWERS OF ALL TIME. I LOVE YOU ALL

[ohmygoat-in-sorry]

Journal Entry #1

So I’ve wanted to start journaling but I’ve been too lazy to find/buy a notebook and start writing. So here I am on my tumblr. Like I said I’m glad tumblr still exists. Lets see...I’m new to this journaling thing so I am assuming that I get to write anything and just manifest it? Well first off, I was invited to interview at a firm in Washington, the state, and yesterday I was invited for a second round. I am so excited that I have this potential opportunity to move states and have a big girl income! I am trying not to have high hopes or any expectations but it is very likely that I have it. I just have to impress the judges one more time AH! I’m nervous but super excited I get to leave Chicago. I love that I was born and raised here but I need to move on and explore the world! That has always been my dream since I was young. I think that is why I like architecture. I would draw, paint, heck just day dream about traveling to Paris, Tokyo, LONDON! Hopefully, out of this country will be my next stop, well I want it to be. Everyone who I tell this too always asks, “what about the money” or “Family” “Friends” “BOYFRIEND”? My response is always the same, “this is what I want to do, my dream. If I want it bad enough, I’ll figure it out and let everything I can’t control fall into place.” I guess the only thing that holds me back is money. Luckily, I am still young and I can save up from my big girl job to go back to grad school in London. Also, my family and I talked about it and they don’t care as long as I can support myself. Friends? not hard to make and old friends know and support this decision. Boyfriend? Well, thats actually the hard part because we’ve been long distance before. But I guess this time is different since there isn’t a “fall break” for one of us to visit. It helps that my family is still based in Illinois, but it will forsure be different. I guess not so different from when he studied abroad. Four months without Jorge were doable. I will say I did miss him but I was also BUSY that I didn’t miss him for too long? Ah, I guess thats another journal entry. I love jorge, like LOVE 3000, but I also don’t want to hold him back and vise versa. We are own people with our own dreams and goals. I guess my hope, in the back of my head, is that everything falls into place and we’re together...i guess forever? ahhhh large commitment, I was even scared typing that! But, its the truth. I want Jorge to be endgame, but I don’t have high hopes or expectations. Anyways, I think this is a long journal entry but I am happy that I started this :) 

[haeroniel-doliet]

whoo boy i wanna talk again. besides what is my blog besides me reblogging sometimes pretty things and then sending out rambly self reflections to my 200 odd followers. ah yes. validation of venting to someone without burdening anyone. and maybe i think clearer when ive gotten a budding emotion out of my system. today im sappy about my graduation and how nice it was ;/ 

yes oh man the read more; love it. anyway ive had this bud up sometimes and i do like it but i dont get it out so im trying now to get out this feeling bc i dont function with held in feelings v well. 

this summer (2017. wow its not this year anymore) was emotional as hell for me, like, finishing school p shittily, traveling on my own (to family members and friends and to france?) and then being so in between with ib over and i knew i did badly and nobody believing me to when my results came and joy fell v quickly to tears. bc even though i surpassed my expectations in most of my subjects, my two most important ones ofc where two whole grades lower than they shouldve been. and i cried bc it meant to me i didnt get into university. i was bugged to call a uni who bluntly turned me down obviously, and i cried some more. struggling to sort out my social security being 18 and not in parents care apparently and difficult to explain why the fuck im abroad if i dont have a job or education going on. making plans to move to my brothers apartment to work and study and retake my exams from finland and take a forced gap year. 

bc of this i was so deflated for planning my stupid graduation bc feeling like a failure is not something to celebrate. id decided years ago my graduation was going to be important. bc graduation pictures are whet live on my grandparents walls and my parents house for years to come. i of course must have a beautiful flattering dress and the finnish grad cap (i didnt officially earn but hush) and to just be best me bc it’d make up for my shitty confirmation and might be the last time im celebrated by family. (ps my confirmation dress was a horrid lime strapless dress that makes me look naked in pictures where the flower bunch hid the top of the dress *shiver*. as well as being a sad 15 yr old who couldnt handle events being abt me and made it suck) and im not planning on getting married soon if ever. (joking to my dad its the last time hell see me in a white dress) but anyway, my brothers was a big ol deal bc he was the first of our gen to graduate, my cousins had a bit more casual things bc they are more casual and didnt think its such a big deal. which is maybe true. but for me. whoo boy. if theres gonna be one thing im gonna be celebrating i thought itd be my graduation and earning my god damn grad cap to be one of the adults. 

so anyway my whole situation is god damn peculiar being an international raised kid. i ofc went to ib highschool in london, “graduated” the same day as my last exam bc people needed to fly home the next day. graduate knowing nothing of your results or the future and with the fringe of impending failure over you. didnt even get properly drunk. never have been so i guess thats on me. no. thats another rant. anyway. all my 10 other classmates and i goodbye poof. no togetherness and fairwell thats it. we were kinda done (all but for my few good friends) so results day we message a lil into the group chat and then stop. we were not involved in each others graduation celebrations, not sure if some had any. in finland you do your exams, get your results then graduate all together get your hats and everyone has parties in the next few days so yea its party season. not for me. we celebrated late ish summer. (timed to my dads 50th so that i could have a little less spotlight and less pressure) and god everythings a blur and i dont wanna do invitations i dont wanna plan games to make it fun i dont wanna think of decorations or graduation presents or food bc UGH im a failure and nope. maybe in a better time i couldve. but parents plan food and get a venue (my request; nature and in finland bc like hell im dragging my grandparents to london or anyone else) and it is a military recreation spot but the by the sea and theres like nobody else so 8/10 . and i was hoping maybe they pull together entertainment like the way i made a quiz all about my brother for his graduation and hosted it. well. nah. they did try, a short quiz i helped make bc nobody knows me, my mom made a map game and ill get to the rest later. and the dress. bc it had to be good it just had to be. but like fuck do i want to go dress shopping. all i knew it had to be long (bc hello ugly legs) and with straps bc no more fake nakey. and tbh. the good stuff start happening when i only have to go to like one shop. my mom was there before hand, we try a few, and then damn. heres a flowy maxi dress. its a bit tight but super flattering (ended up getting larger one which was not as flattering but more comfortable) and my moms almost crying and she ends up buying it anyway  which im thankful for bc i found nothing that tops it. 

here it is btw, i have no clue if pics will stay under read more so i hope so but hahhah lucky yall

i know my face is  so attractive as is my posture but shhh were here for the dress right. also my uncle did actual photography bc hes an actual professional photographer but hes also depressed and doing it for free so havent seen those yet and just waiting patiently hopefully ill look tons more attractive in them. 

anyway were starting to get to the sappy part. so everyone says my dress is wonderful and gorgeous and everything right? and i genuinely agree i looked like the finnish maiden in blue and white and it suited the hat so well (pictured too) and i was so glad that was the dress, and that the world is so green behind me. things couldbe better but this was good. really good. people were dressed casual dressy with flowers featuered bc they know me that much and almost only people who i know and love were there. 

and i mean by this my cousin whos pretty much like a big sister to me <3 and helps me get my makeup right and my hair when moms too busy, my ‘auntie’ the only person i’d elevate to the honorary status not in the family, one of my moms highschool friends who came to my life in the past to years and is the most inspiring and spirited person i’ve ever met who treats me like an equal but is so passionate and caring and i can only dream to be like her, single, badass as fuck and confident in myself when i get older. (i admire her so much and it made me so incredibly happy that she was there and could come when most eveyone else is just my parents friend or family) then theres ofc my parents friends who have become close to all of us bc theyve been friends since before even my older brother was born. ive seen them more than some uncles and extended family tbh. and though theyre more mature and obviously my parents friends (while my ‘auntie’ is my moms friend and mine) and theyre hilarious supportive people who im so glad to see always, even if my own god parents couldnt make it (were in spirit and my godfather now messages me for christmas and new years to wish good luck and god im surrounded by supportive people my life is luckier than youd think) 

im not always close to the rest of my family, bc rather than being fully finnish like all them, ive grown up so international im a bit detached and its a lil sad but i know they dont mind so much and just like seeing me, i.e. my grandparents and great aunts and etc.(and ofc, dads words, more people you invite the more money you get. since i was doubting inviting people i dont rly know. but it all turned out hella well) and while in my last post i was bitter about how predictable and unimaginative my parents are at making surprises (yknow making things exciting like pinterest and media tells is right) apparently my extended family can fill these boots in their stead. cue the singing!  goodness so i think they sang a lot more than i can remember, but two stuck out. my aunt (the only real one and with a fantastic singing voice) soloed me the song of the bird that got up and flew away to see the world and homesickness. idk it was so sweet and she hugged me after saying it reminded her of me, and it was just genuine and sweet as hell. as well as her teaming up with every musical soul in the family to sing gaudeamus igitur- the song aparently sung at every highschool graduation/capping ceremony to celebrate our graduates. but since guess who didnt have that! they sang it for me, and it was the most unexpected sweet thing, bc they realised it during the party, scurried off to practice and sang the whole latin thing off their phones p much! god it meant so much for me. its incredible how much it means when someone subtly makes an observation about you (that is also correct) and then goes through surprising you with something so genuine and nice? gah! good shit. did i mention my ‘auntie’ remembered me once mentioning  a yarn i loved so much i hadnt dared to knit with it? she took a sample, went to find the yarn and made me the largest most amazing scarf (which i swear takes forever and im so thankful for) that she apparently just finished on the way there and it was perfect? maybe my absolute favourite graduation present. bc who else paid such attention to me, and didnt just take it literally, but took it to a new amazing level? heck.( also to everyone who now gives my artsy postcards to add to my collection. special ;* to you)

so- though it was a little bit of a hassle with some awkward bits, my brother only coming for an hour in the evening and conversations that went eeehhhh and etc, (plus at some point a lot of the memories of sharing a happy day with my dad and him being so proud of me were tainted by a big argument we had like a week and a half later ;( it was solved but tension stayed and its still slightly there) i managed to look p good, had my uncle hopefully take wonderful pictures of me and make me feel beautiful even if i wished i was skinnier and looked different and everything. i had people who really care about me hang out for a whole weekend and be good to me, and things went pretty darn well over all leaving me with good memories to gush over apparently! 

ohhh i totally forgot to mention huh, my lamenting above was resolved!!! i called my second uni (Aberdeen) and asked them softly like hi when will i know? bc you havent yet rejected and im uncertain bc i dont meet one of your requirements but exceed the others so? and theyre the sweetest. i gush about my uni all the time (partly to make me feel better about being there, but besides the point) about how many letters they sent me, how their entire vibe is so welcoming and accepting and like they value their students as important individuals and not just as figures to up their ratings. theyve been so caring- so open to understanding and taking the students under their wing without too much academic stress in the first term... so good and they genuinely are checking with people in charge and looking me up in their systems before telling me how they look at each case individually and will be back to me within a week and if not to call back! what uni says that. but they do- they get back to me in like 3 days. which happens to be my first day back in finland and 2 days before the graduation party. i get an email middle of the day while out with a friend but no i mustnt read it! i get back to her house, bc im staying with them, were doing dinner and.... i check and refresh and oh god im university!!! i did it!! im in!!!! holy fucking god!!! yes i jump a little and make them read it and yes i just found out right now and they bring out some champagne and i call my dad who apparently got tears in his eyes (which is so important, bc id felt him lose pride in me when my results came and id actually failed myself just like id said- aka what ended up to the argument. nope. i gotta stop spoiling good memories like this :[ ) and i suddenly felt pride in an achievement that my grades werent (now passing ib is an achievement. and the 75% of my grades that were fuckin bangin and i can be proud of) im IN. thats all that mattered, 

i was now resolved, i had a plan, i had something to tell the people who never see me so they can think well of me. i can have people congratulate me on getting to uni rather than ask about the ib! it was utterly perfect timing and made everything a little better. and im sure ive ranted about uni before, it being yknow the really right place for me, in almost every aspect except for chemistry (big part of course, makes me shaky in my whole degree choice) but im sorting things out. things are only getting better. bc im gonna see someone about maybe depression and not gonna have to vent here too much maybe. 

yikes tho, i wonder sometimes why i dont put these to my vent blog. but. my vent blog is so upsetting and horrible, like chest you scream into and shut. this is good. this is a diary entry i might want to see again. i dont wanna look into that hell pit to find this. im sorry if you’ve read this. but congratulations you now know me better as a person than most people who ever meet me. well not wholly, but getting there ;) . maybe if i ever date anyone in some future, i’ll find and edit these to give over as a summative glimpse into who i am. then again in some future id find a person who would never get sick of me talking all these feelings out in as many descriptive words as i can bc it eases me and theyd care. and do the same for me. yea. im changing. am i? maybe. things are blurry fuzzy and a little gray now. but my futures gonna be so colorful and clear i cant wait.