#like that ending was complete bullshit with 0 closure

[yoakenouta]

Aquamarine Hoshino alternate ending. (ONK 166 SPOILERS)

ㅤㅤAfter finally exposing Hikaru Kamiki’s sins through the filming of the movie, "A 10-year Lie ”, Aqua had met up with Akane one final time to express his gratitude to her before his final confrontation with Hikaru Kamiki; desperately wishing to follow his heart before his last moments. So they talked, about everything; their meeting, their time together in Tokyo Blade and their strained relationship along the way. He spilled all his regrets and apologies to her, fully prepared to be condemned but Akane simply listened with a gentle smile, accepting all that he had to say. Aqua knew this was foolish; it was an opportunity Akane to come and meddle with his plans but there was a part of him that wanted her to have faith in him. Reach out a hand to him before it was too late.

ㅤㅤSo in the end, he never divulged anything about his plans. All he offered was his final gratitude towards Akane for her kindness and let her know that he was happy to have met her.

ㅤㅤThen came his confrontation with Hikaru Kamiki. He arrived there, determined to sacrifice himself so his sister could have a future. So, he drove a knife into his own stomach and shoved Hikaru over the railings alongside himself so their sins could be swallowed by the deep abyss of the sea ( and so this lie could come to fruition ). He had intended to die for good, ready to embrace the excruciating moments before death ... that is, until he saw a light. Until he saw Akane desperately chasing him to the depths and reaching out before his last moments. Ah, somehow he knew, she would come. It was an idiotic gamble but ... he was glad things turned out like this because in the end,

ㅤㅤHe wanted live.

ㅤㅤHe wanted to be able to laugh with his friends, not having a care in the world.

ㅤㅤHe wanted to be able to call Miyoko 'mom'.

ㅤㅤHe wanted to fall in love like any ordinary high schooler.

ㅤㅤHe wanted to pursue his dreams and get into medical school.

ㅤㅤSo, he would selfishly take the leap to reach out and take Akane's hand, entrusting this lie to her. He was pulled out of the depths of the sea, barely hanging by a thread but ... he was alive. He was really here, freed of his revenge. This time for sure ... he could be happy. Even if he knew he couldn't live with himself and the sins he'd piled up in his heart, there was no other ending he wanted than this one.

ㅤㅤNo matter how painfully selfish it was ... he could finally live, simply as Aquamarine Hoshino.

[athenaholmesartistsguild]

I wish there were more angry women in the Yakuza games.

Not angry as in 'bitchy' or whatever-- I mean angry as in they're so fucking sick and tired of the world around them- how it treats them- how they're just shunted around by a narrative that doesn't consider them

Like. Yasuko. I feel like if she'd been written to be angrier, it would've been so freaking interesting! She was a little girl when Saejima-- her brother and only caretaker-- was arrested. Her life was thrown into disarray when she was like. 15! She was a child that had to suddenly figure out how to survive. And then she spends the next 25 years trying to figure out what happened to her brother and how to get him back. That's basically her entire life.

Imagine if she was so fuckin pissed the entire time we see her in 4. She's going through the story *this* close to getting what she wants and *this* close to completely snapping and destroying anyone who gets in her way.

What if when Akiyama tries to put the moves on her she yells and screams at him because he's acting like just another man that wants to take advantage of her (because yeah, what the hell was that Akiyama??)? What if she wasn't just... a nice woman in the game? What if she spends the entire time spitting and cursing and not putting up with the bullshit being thrown at her? Because she had her life taken from her and now people are acting like she's being unreasonable?

And then when she reunites with Saejima? She's happy but also:

"What the fuck were you thinking? You knew you were all I had! You threw our lives away for what? To give your boss some glory?!"

And if Haruka was just a little ball of anger? That would be catnip to me.

If she ever sees Kiryu again I want her to cuss him out! I want her to not forgive him! Because she sees that having him in her life will end badly. Something will trigger his flight response and he'll disappear again to 'protect' her. And her emotions will never be considered.

She sees the same pattern in her own behavior and she realizes where it came from and that's unforgivable because now she's terrified that she'll do the same thing to her own family.

I want Kiryu to have to work for their relationship because Haruka's tired of all the men around Kiryu being prioritized over her. I want her to learn that Daigo got a letter and she got NOTHING and to be furious about that! Because:

"It never even crossed your mind to write your daughter a final letter? Not just someone you consider to be your daughter, but your actual. Adopted. Daughter? It never occurred to you that it might bring me some closure after you faked your death?!"

Like that scene in 0 where Makoto meets with Dojima? That's what I want!!!

I want women who have nothing to lose and who are so angry and sick of the shit being thrown at them. I want them to demand the heads of the people who hurt her be lined up on a table for her to peruse and mock.

I think it's every woman's right to be quite honest.

I'm joking btw. I think every woman has the right to fantasize about it.

[myth-arts]

Why yeah baby no bait never ever ever saw me again that is your first track this rights maybe out without petty mercy farmer speakers did not get to the source of a barbecue that would be a very very very nice event that are diarrheal unpleasant and spiritual doesn't it's me or yourself looking there is bullshit I mean something don't do it again your face has nobody showed his person from the morning again did not get to the third check radio yeah they weren't don't do it again so I went 23 in the front

He bothered a deal over again and continues to go back and be probably voted all over again and take a ride completely utterly and simple and question is that you are smart and intelligent and I continue to be smart and intelligent no times no excuses yet stand spots are procrastinating with one out you wouldn't adult here you can like a cunt you'll be gone you'll be gone you assault brain says guggy doing started a lover again keep on starting all the way in and take right utterly simple set

That's routine a gallery or a basket case to be sitting around behind in the background blessing't look shit third but it's hot air and bust to me your whole nut clothes keep your whole clothes at all times mind if your Original opinion stands and initial or What You Know opinion will continue to stand Now And Then If You're Gone it's to perceive overturns and Normal as Yours Mine is the dominant Yours is the resets I Want To hear closure hall second of all You can't be doing that You can't be elected posts You can't be your blocking posts You can't be reposed on posts and You definitely cannot be the main internet city you're entemployer You also surely as Help not be following me or spreading out a double shit service deterrent question hotter or Blessed me on and he contented due to be Mine she's doing what you're doing with it immediately

Now do nobody if you have course and that is to self adhere yourself to some self Terms & Conditions I have self set up for you that's rough for you by and following at a times no excuses gets answered progressing English when not you are all in or all out or anything like a white there is no shades of grey hair no wash wash wash wash on this no being bothered if you like it or not being bothered if like it in the comments choose a solid end stick with it lastly of all often employees 0 tolerance policy with teenagers like it inquired I don't know it good Grandma earns it, and I kinda aren't like, what comes around them it comes around goes around therefore are equally

I have absolutely NO IDEA what you're saying and I would love some proper English or some explaining, ty! <3

[douchebagbrainwaves]

EVERY FOUNDER SHOULD KNOW ABOUT THOUGHT

Sure, running your own. But if you come out of that seventh. As far as I know, Viaweb was the first Web-based application, and it frees conscious thought for the hard problems. A real hacker's language will always have a slightly raffish character. And when my friend Trevor showed up at my house recently, he was not a tenth as motivated as the startup. The best case, for most people the latter is merely the optimal case of the Milanese Leonardo. If you use a fixed size round as a legitimate-seeming way of saying what all founders hate to hear: I'll invest if other people will read forces you to think well. Lisp's use as an extension language in programs like Emacs; and reading at runtime enables programs to communicate using s-expressions. You don't need to know the type of company you're starting, so long as you're profitable. It's a tossup whether Castro Street or University Ave should be considered the heart of the Valley now. What a wonderful thing, to be able to deal with this phenomenon.

This extra cost buys you flexibility. But I don't think the amount of bullshit you have to do a similar sort of filtering on new things they hear about. When you get a termsheet. Fixed-size series A rounds already are high res. An essay is something else. Those hours after the phone stops ringing are by far the best for getting work done. Many things people like, especially if they're young and ambitious, they like largely for the feeling of virtue in liking them. Trade shows didn't pay as a way to evade the grip of fashion. And limitations of humans.

Then the startup and the lead would cooperate to find the city where you feel at home to know what languages will be like the past in caring nothing for present fashions. Any financial advisor who put all his client's assets in the stock of a single person to be any good. It's now possible for VCs and startups to diverge. Or functional, or whatever, but about how to make money from it, it offered the highest ratio of income to boringness of anything I'd done, by orders of magnitude more possibilities than their competitors, who apparently are still using mainframe-era programming techniques. I'm not sure if it's their position of power that makes them this way, or the pointy-haired boss is, right? Yes, the price to earnings ratio is kind of high, but I don't think publishers can learn much from software. There is a lesson here for filter writers: don't ignore data. Our angels asked for one, or c yourself become a human compiler for one. If a company considers itself to be in the software department, we would have the new feature too. They're confident enough to take on ambitious projects. Even now there is too much money chasing too few good deals. Skyline the dominant trees are huge redwoods, and in retrospect it was a good time to have ideas.

The archaeological work being mostly done, it implied that those studying the classics were, if not wasting their time, at least, that was what had happened to the language. But Durer's engravings and Saarinen's womb chair and the Pantheon and the original Porsche 911 all seem to me a different kind of error. The simplest answer is to put them in a row. Lexical closures, introduced by Lisp in about 1960, is now widely considered to be improper. It would not be surprised if by streamlining their selection process and taking fewer board seats, VC funds could do 2 to 3 times as many people alive in the US, of ambitious people who grew the ladder under them instead of climbing it. In the meantime I tried my best to imitate them. You are whatever you wrote. If angels are so important, why do you need to be done in this area. With OS X, the hackers are back. A friend of mine once told an eminent operating systems expert that he wanted students who were not just good technicians, but who could use their technical knowledge to design beautiful things.

One is that investors will increasingly be the fate of anyone who wants to succeed. Design your product to please users first, and then suddenly seeing the answer a bit later while doing something else. Even if you sent a crawler to the site, you wouldn't find a smoking statistical gun. VCs won't trust you, and merely to call it. Surely 1998 was a little late to arrive at the party. If you want to invest large amounts, and a programming language rather than, say, making the language strongly typed. At any given time. I got three false positives. There are two possible problems with prefix notation. You have to make sacrifices to live there. For example, a lot of startups, they think of companies like Apple or Google.

The hands were moved by little servomotors that made a slight noise when they turned. Of course, I'm making a big assumption in even asking what programming languages will there be in a place where there are a lot of maximally interesting tokens, meaning those with probabilities far from. Patterns to be embroidered on tapestries were drawn on paper with ink wash. There will of course be some founders who wouldn't like that idea: the ones who were smart enough it would seem the most natural way of distributing your content, it probably doesn't work to stick to old forms of distribution just because you make more that way. If you want to be in a great city: you need the encouragement of feeling that people around you. Silicon Valley. To write good software you must simultaneously keep two opposing ideas in your head. 9999 To free 0. Fortran doesn't have enough data types.

Fred Brooks described this phenomenon in his famous book The Mythical Man-Month, and everything else is a token separator. Not everything in Simula is an object. Investors may end up with a remotely plausible story, you can only control it indirectly. Network-level filters won't be completely useless. Whereas angels are rarely in direct competition, because a they do fewer deals, b they're happy to split them, and I don't understand x well enough. Then in the mid 1950s it was engulfed in a wave of suburbia that raced down the peninsula. The same is true for other languages too. She's trying to get the company to become valuable, and the odds of finding programmers, libraries, etc. And notice the beautiful mountains to the west? Consider libraries: they're reusable because they're language, whether they're written in an object instead of the head of a list and cdr means the rest. In a wave of suburbia that raced down the peninsula.

[takaraphoenix]

Review: The Rise of Skywalker

Gotta preface this before we get to the actual review for this movie.

Because... I’ve seen so many people claim that this was sooo bad and sooo badly written and honestly, ever since I joined this fandom, I’ve seen so much hate toward the sequels and so many people claim how they’re “ruining Star Wars” and I feel like... a whole lot of people really need to divorce themselves from the idea that Star Wars ever was this flawless franchise. Because it wasn’t.

Even before the sequels, the majority of this fandom has actively hated half the movies in this franchise. The prequels get so much shit all the time. And even now with the new movies, trilogies aside, Rogue One is relatively widely liked but Solo gets the prequel treatment of having a certain part of the fandom love it wildly and the majority dislike it.

Star Wars, from the very first one on, was always a mixed bag of good moments and bad movies, good writing and bad writing. It was always just a very silly, fun space adventure and I don’t really see why there are these insanely high expectations for it are coming from, because I don’t see a base for them in the previous movies...?

That being said, I think that Rise of Skywalker was a very worthy ending for the universe. And yes, not trilogy, universe. I know they’ll force more Star Wars, but let’s be real... the last Skywalker died, this is the end of this saga. And I think it was a good ending, it came full-circle in many aspects.

I joked about how Rey would find her dad just for him to die since so far she’s two for two in the “finding mentor and mentor dies within this movie” category and while... they didn’t find her dad, she did build a mentor-relationship with Leia. Who then died.

And I know this one is... different than the others, because Carrie Fisher died, rather unexpectedly so. I wonder if it had changed things had she lived.

I was genuinely surprised to see her in the movie, to be honest. I had expected the obnoxious opening text to summarize how Leia made a heroic sacrifice and the movie itself then opening to a large, dignified funeral scene for both, the character and the actress who played her.

I liked that they brought Lando into this; with everyone else having returned, that was really important. And I kind of like the little thing they set up at the end there, that Lando would take the enslaved kids and help them find their way back to the families they had been separated from.

Ben’s redemption was absolutely no surprise whatsoever, seriously this is a Disney movie and it’s a Star Wars movie, they were always going to redeem him anyway. The Reylo, admittedly, was a bit of a surprise.

With the whole thing where Finn really wanted to tell Rey something and how Finn and Rose were at a distance now after the last movie, I half thought they may be pushing toward that direction after all.

(I also half thought they were going to go Poe/Rey because... for some reason they decided to have that dynamic just fully mirror Han/Leia... even though it seemed wildly OoC to me personally, for the both of them, to be so... short-tempered with someone?)

But mentioning Rose, that was one thing I didn’t like. After how important she had been last movie, she was just completely reduced to background character now and it was very undeserved. She didn’t partake in the missions, though they had them at least ask her to go along, she barely got anything to do and didn’t really get to interact with any of them, not even really Finn. And don’t get me wrong, I didn’t want that romance, but I definitely wanted that friendship - and I had hopes that now that they were all united, I’d get some female bonding and girls being friends between Rey and Rose. But they kind of... forgot that they made her a main character last movie.

I think that hinting at Poe having a past-lover-he-may-still-love was tiresome and unnecessary, but it’s Disney so I genuinely wasn’t expecting that not to happen. Especially with how wildly loved Stormpilot was; I mean come on that was the only reason the Finn/Rose happened last movie already, because Disney got uncomfortable with people shipping Them Gays. My shipper-heart however absolutely took the co-generals and ran with it.

(Don’t get me started on that bullshit 0.2 second scene of two women kissing in the background. Genuinely fuck you, Disney, that’s not representation, that’s having something so you can try to defend yourself when people call you homophobes for always forgetting gays exist, but it was little enough so you can easily cut it out to milk China for money.)

I wished they would have... given Finn more. When we had that scene of him alone with that other deserting Stormtrooper and they talked and clicked so well, I kind of hoped she was his sister - since they had taken all the children. And I don’t know, I’m still kind of really hung up on the whole child slavery thing and all the trauma Finn had gone through; I wish he would have gotten something as closure.

There was one thing I genuinely absolutely hated and that was the bullshit Palpatine thing.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s still 100% on brand for Star Wars and I legit should have seen it coming after they plastered his ugly mug onto every poster, but that doesn’t make it good writing.

However - to stay in line with my opening preface - it already wasn’t good writing the first time around. I still dislike the whole “Luke, I am your father” nonsense. I absolute loathe the trope of “hero has to face off dark family member they didn’t even know was a family member”, it’s so cheap and forced because just how fucking likely is it, that all circumstances led them there?

That Rey, of all people, ran into Finn and got to the Resistance to get involved in this whole war to face off against her evil grandpa? C’mon.

Really genuinely from the bottom of my heart would have preferred Rey Nobody.

But that’s... the things you gotta accept in Star Wars, so I digress.

What I am absolutely not over is how they just straight up made Reylo soulmates...? Like? They really did that? I mean, come on, explaining their literal mind-link as them being two halves of the same and as bringing life? How was that anything but a description of soulmates...? Amazing.

I’m very salty about them killing Ben off though.

I absolutely hate that lazy writing tool of taking a villain, making him do a redeeming thing and bahm they will now be celebrated a hero without having to do much work on making up for past wrong-doings. Instead of living a life of doing good to make up for their past, they just do the Heroic Sacrifice and the writers are done here. (Side-eying Luke Castellan particularly hard here.)

He should have lived. Especially with how they set it up! They both give life, they both belong together to give life? How did that not conclude in them sharing a life-force...? Ben should have lived so he can do good in the future.

I like when previously villainous characters have to work to make up for their past deeds. I really do.

One last thing before I’m done! I HAVE A FAVORITE DROID! I LOVE D-0. HE��S A GOOD BOY. *^*

One of the most obnoxious things about the original trilogy, for me, were the droids. I do not like either C-3PO or R2D2 (yes, R2 looks adorable, but the untranslated beeping, especially in longer sequences and conversations, was just obnoxious).

BB-8 is adorable and has that dog-like charm to him, but that D-0 actually talks and is so cute? Like, unused to human kindness but slowly learning about it? Now that is a good droid.

So... I think that’s all I have to say about the movie? It was a good ending to the saga, it went full-circle by revealing that Palpatine was behind it all along and we got rid of that bitch for good now, it gave a lot of closure and had some really got points in it.

[swampertspawner]

Me, Myself, and So On

A draft for our nonficiton class in university. I hope you enjoy!

I’ll be completely honest in saying I don’t know who I am. After all, what’s the measure of truly knowing a person? Is it knowing their tics? Is it knowing their secrets? Is it knowing their life story? I know all of this. Why then, don’t I feel like I know myself? Most days I don’t feel like a person, more like someone’s original character: a messy hodge-podge of other popular characters that the creator has as comfort characters. If I am to speak candidly, I feel like I’ve taken the best characteristics from the people I admire most and made a vain effort of emulating them just to create a singular personality. My best friend’s compassion, my blockmates kinship, one of my previous classmate’s work ethic, and the lessons in patience I learned from my ex-partner. What happens if it’s all torn away? Who’s left? What will I see? Will I even want to see it? Now, like many people, ever since I started quarantine I’ve had nothing but time. Unlike most people, though, my choices of activity were limited: eating, sleeping, using the computer, maybe watching the TV once but that’s pretty much it. Sometimes when I got tired of those I started thinking instead. Thinking about what state the world was going to end up in. Thinking about what I’d be doing once this all blows over (even though sometimes I felt like it never will). After that I ask what I’ll be like by that time. Then the ultimate question that comes up time and time again in my life reared it’s ugly head: who am I in the first place? Every time I tried to get at the bottom of this question, I’m met with many different answers. Some I’d like to show you while we think about themーme as I’m writing this and you as you’re reading this. I’m a personal believer that two minds are greater than one, but since I’ve lost mine over quarantine, I hope you can keep up for the both of us while you’re reading my revised stream of consciousness. The first answer I’ve come to is that I’m a reincarnation of my mother: bright, joyful, and even coming with a striking resemblance. Honestly, I felt like Harryーconstantly being told that I have my mother's eyes, along with her cheeks, nose, mouth, and so on. I feel like a clone they’ve started to project onto. I don’t completely blame them; my mother passed away at a relatively young age, and I’m one of the only things they can really remember her by. Still, it would be nice if they saw me as my own person instead of seeing my mother all the time. Even as I say that, I’ve still done my part in making sure I live up to the name she made for herself. She’s one of the people I look up to the most. The cutting intellect she possessed, the joy she seemed to emanate to other people; I aspire to be like her one day. I suppose that’s the biggest thing stopping me from claiming this is the fact that I feel like I don’t deserve to. I’m not so mean to myself that I’d say I haven’t done anything meaningful, but it’s harder to say that any of them amount to how my maternal family and her old co-workers talk about her. Of course, every light has its own dark, and it seems this idyllic answer of me that my maternal family keeps in their hearts is eclipsed by the constant sight that my paternal family--the relatives I spend more time with--sees. Seemingly on the computer 24/7, with no real world experience or motivation to do anything other than eat, play video games, use the computer, and sleep. Truly, it’s quite a stark difference depending on whoever I’m with. Like many people though, I do change, whether consciously or unconsciously, how I act towards other people. At some point I felt some pang of guilt every time I realized it, then eventually it just started fading away. Another answer I came upon is my online presence, and all the people I’ve met and all the people I’ve brushed with. This is the most speculative and sporadic answer because so many different people have so many different imprints of me. A lot of it is also dependent on what online circle and community I’m in. Sure, I have a general vibe that I exude to many people: a very chill shitposter that’s funny sometimes, soft all the time. Even still, I think about the people I’ve talked with before and lost touch with. What imprint do I have of them? What do they think of me? Do they still even think of me in the first place? One thing I don’t doubt is my negative influence. A good chunk of my time online was spent being a general asshole with the usual discriminatory bullshit you expect from someone growing up in the Philippines at the time. Trash-talking (even though I wasn’t very good at it), trolling, thinking I was hot shit even though it was far, far from the truth. Granted, I was 12 and growing, but that doesn’t make it any better. The fact still stands that there might be people’s lives I’ve impacted for the worse. Sometimes I think about them, how I want to make it up to them, maybe show them I’ve changed and give them closure if they need it. Sadly, with the imperfect world we live within, the last interaction it ever allowed me with those people is a negative one. Despite all this, I’m happy to report that I’ve grown as a person. At least, this answer has grown as a person. I’ve learned compassion. I’ve learned patience. I’ve learned respect. Sometimes I scare myself, since I say something bad and have to catch myself slipping mentally and right myself right after. Learning never stops, after all. Neither does the fear of going back to who you once were. The growth and development this persona’s gone through was definitely shaped by the fact that I was online a lot. While I’m sure it resulted in deeper psychological scars with a lasting impact on the rest of my life, I’m not sure what those are. Partly because I don’t entirely remember where those scars even are. You see, the funny thing about the brain is that it's smart, and it’s smart enough to hide away the things that make it feel bad (most of the time). For most of the things that happened to me, even if I want to remember them, I kinda can’t. Nonetheless, I still know they’re there. For one, it was pretty early on that I started to break away from the backwards values that I’ve been raised on that were steeped in misogyny, homophobia, colorism...the list just goes on. Philippine media (and quite frankly media in general) has a way of reinforcing the negativity that society tries to correct and progress past. Gay stereotypes, whitening ads, the usual storylines of teledramas that give 0 agency to the women in the story; it’s honestly so tiring, but I’m glad I can see what’s wrong with it all now. Another thing is that I was able to meet so many people that have irrevocably changed my life, whether for the better or the worse. Similar to how I’ve been able to impact many people in passing, such is the case for me too: thousands of people that have changed my life despite staying in my life for barely a moment. I wonder if they think the same way about me as I do with the people I’ve influenced. That’s the beauty of the internet really; so many people can touch your life even for just a fraction of a second and still leave you a different person than who you were before you met them. The third answer for me to show you is what my classmates see: someone demure or unassuming at first glance that suddenly evolves into a noisy, unhinged crackhead that you wonder how you became friends in the first place. This persona’s had an interesting development because I’ve started to completely disregard the demure part and start being a crackhead right out of the gate. The biggest reason for it was that I had the thought that acting so likely attracts similar people; similar people that I’ve desperately wanted to know and meet for most of my life. The truth is that there’s a singular driving force behind me having multiple faces for multiple people. Growing up, I’ve never been able to fully express myself for many reasons. The first one being that in the place I grew up in, I was practically the only person that had the interests I did. That pretty much stands true ‘til this day. To be frank, my household is one of the few that’s able to afford the privileges I enjoyed growing up (namely cable tv and the Internet). Because of it I was the only one that knew what the hell Adventure Time, Regular Show, and et cetera was for a long time. I was the only one in my neighborhood familiar with Youtube communities other than the site just being used for music. That’s not to say the people in my neighborhood were completely devoid of online culture. Everyone was familiar with the usual suspects of Pisonet Online Games: Audition, Crossfire, DOTA, League of Legends, and so on. The problem really only lies in the fact that I wasn’t able to really connect with those communities and ended up alienating myself. You can say the same about my other faces. My being put on a pedestal as my mother’s son was not helped by the fact I was also naturally smart and bright myself. One of the remnants that my mother left me was English being my first language. For the longest time I was talking English better than Filipino (and you can imagine everything that entails a bully-able kid only speaking English the Philippines). Even online, which is often seen as the last bastion for people to find others that they can connect with, other people that share the same interests, I felt alienated. I went so long without discovering those communities or being unable to fully express myself in those communities because widdle baby Raven wasn’t smart enough to make an alternate account. As such, even voicing myself online was restricted. There was never any avenue for me to really be myself. Well, not until recently, of course. Some people say that if a person has been depressed since childhood, once they reach adulthood they often try to take back the childhood they spent thinking they would kill themselves before they even became adults. While I’ve never been depressed myself, I resonate so goddamn hard with this sentiment that I thought I manifested an earthquake when I first heard it (I didn’t; god just wanted to fuck with me for some reason). I’ve spent so much of my life repressing who I was that I don’t even express it to people that would understand or accept. I end up feeling caged in my house, wistfully standing in a dark room and looking out of the window as I watch Spongebob and Patrick have fun being themselves. The final answer we have to our original question is a simple one: it’s the person of who I am when I’m alone, and truth be told, I have no idea who that person is. When I’m alone in my room at night, who am I really? When I have the house to myself, who comes out? I’ll be honest in saying that even when I’m completely alone, whoever the person I really am is, they barely come out. There’s nothing to make a face for, no front that’s needed, so why do they still stay cooped up and hidden? They’re quite the enigma. For one they paradoxically like being expressive. They blast music and sing and dance along with it. Maybe because they stay inside for such long periods of time they bask whenever they do come out. Another thing about this mystery person is how incredibly horny they are. Seriously, you would think they’re a teenager because of their constant thirst. Maybe this is their attempt to connect. They weren’t raised with the healthiest views on intimacy you see. It’s very warped. Despite the things they’ve done to remedy it, they slip at times. Or maybe it’s not horniness. Maybe they just do it systemically. They know that jacking off releases dopamine; maybe they do just whenever they need dopamine and not just because they feel something carnal. There’s so many things I can tell you about them, still: how much they like ambient sounds of rain, how they like listening to K-Pop music because they want to listen to music but not be distracted by lyrics they understand, how puzzling it is that they’re still unknown even though I’ve been given nothing but time these 8 months in quarantine. I can go on and on about all these but at the end of the day, it boils down to the fact that I have no idea who they are despite how much I know about them. It’s true I know a lot about them, but what do I know about them? Why does it feel like they keep giving me tidbits and not the whole thing? What the hell do these small pieces of personality tell me about the whole? As I’m writing this, I’m still thinking about who I really am. The person that’s dwelling just beneath the surface, trying their best to stay hidden against all my efforts to pull them out. For as long as I’ve been in quarantine, I’ve been starting to wonder if I even want to. Is all this trouble truly worth it? What if I don’t like what comes out? The other answers I have are so much nicer than the parts that the final one shows. I’ve lived for so long being comfortable with how I am now; is it really that important I find out what the “real” one is? At the end of the day, I don’t know. I’m a very tired person; I reserve my energy just for the things I deem the most important. As such, continuing with this may just be a waste of my energy, but I’ll really only find out by the end of it, right? It’s still a horrifying prospect to imagine that I wasted so much of my time to find out, only for it to be for nothing. There’s still a silver lining, though, that if I don’t like what comes out, maybe I can just keep looking for an answer that I like instead.

[wanderingthroughwickford]

Agents of Shield S4E1: The Ghost

A.k.a. the one that started it all

(Prepare for obscene amounts of rambling about irrelevant faves and lots of (hopefully) self-deprecating humour) 

One thing I really need to try to make sense of in this rewatch is how the gangs got hold of the box from Momentum Lab in the first place. I guess it was vaguely implied that Eli told them about it but ... why? 

I was under the impression that he thought he’d killed his co-workers so I don’t ... think?? he’d know their ghosts/spirits/incorporeal forms were still in the boxes? But if so, why did he describe the contents of the boxes as ‘weapons?’ 

Why would he even want to risk them getting out and coming back for revenge on him? Did it never occur to him that they’d be pissed?

Did he intend for Lucy’s box to be the one that got picked up, or was that just a result of her being the last one to get ghost-ed so her box was closest to the door or something? 

He couldn’t possibly have orchestrated the whole string of events that got him broken out of jail, could he? I mean I know he’s incredibly smart but that’s the thing, there are just too many things that could have gone wrong for someone as intelligent as Eli to bank on such a flimsy plan? Like it relies on the assumption that 1) the ‘ghosts’ are even still alive/in any sentient state, 2) that they’ll decide they need the Darkhold, 3) that they’ll be able to find it, 3) that they won’t be able to read it, 4) that they’ll choose him of all people to read it for them? I mean it’s the definition of Gambit Roulette and I’m just ... not buying it without futher evidence

Damn, this is one hell (eh?) of an entrance for Ghost Rider

Didn’t he rip one of those guys’ spines out through their ... rear end?

Oh man the blood splatter. I forgot Robbie’s early killings were so graphic because most of the time he’s just burning ghosts.

“She was a ghost” - I love how the titular ‘Ghost’ is so ambiguous - it could refer to Daisy, always a ‘ghost’ slipping through Shield’s fingers; to Robbie, the Ghost Rider; and to Lucy, the closest one to a literal ghost.

I kind of have no clue what Daisy’s criminal activity was all about b/c I missed the last episode of S3, but I’ll take the show’s word for it that she wasn’t doing anything all that bad (just trying to stop Watchdogs).

Literal first episode of the season: “They say when the Rider burns you, he burns your soul. And a soul can never heal.” My dumb self, wanting my shitty fave to have some semblance of (admittedly undeserved) peace in the afterlife:

Oh I’d completely forgotten that FitzSimmons were already working on virtual realty at the beginning ... setting up the Framework from the first ep and I didn’t even know it.

FUCK they even namedrop the Framework? In connection with Radcliffe? And here I was thinking they didn’t even introduce it until episode 10 or something.

FITZ BABYYY don’t talk about the Framework so innocently :(

Aww the team coming (almost) all together ... before they’re all so painfully ripped apart later on

I know Mace is kinda painted as being in the wrong for implementing lie detector tests and being overly paranoid and stuff, but, like, Shield did just get back on its feet after being crippled and nearly destroyed by a secret terrorist cult which it had unknowingly harboured within its own ranks for half a century, so ... yeah #Macedeservedbetter

Aww it’s nice how Daisy leaves behind money for the homeowners

YES a mention of the Lucy box

OH GOD it’s AIDA ... I don’t even have words honestly

I want to say “report her right away!” but she’s just an innocent being (?) at this point, so would it be right? 

Mallory Jansen does such a good job though, she’s so robotic and artificial here and she becomes so real as AIDA becomes more human throughout the series

It’s kind of sweet that Radcliffe just invites Fitz and the gang over to his house to watch soccer though

Love Yo-Yo giving Daisy the medicine

Man it’s weird thinking of Robbie as a ‘serial killer’ and a bad guy, as the team sees him at this point ... I had like one episode of genuinely thinking he was a villain and then the second I saw him with Gabe at the end I was like, oh okay, he’s this kind of character, I get where this is going. 

(Keep in mind that I had 0 prior knowledge of who Ghost Rider is or even that he’s a Marvel character)

Aaaand now I see the bloody bodies in the back of the truck and am reminded that Lucy is not, in fact, a good person.

(Though to be fair since that was the first time she’d ever used her powers it was probably an accident ... she probably panicked and tried to push past those guys not knowing it would kill them. Everything after that, though, is on her hands.)

I like Simmons standing up for herself and speaking back to May. It’s good to see her able to put her foot down and justify her decisions. And I like how May is subtly impressed by it.

“In the wrong hands, [AIDA] could be used as a weapon, is that the intention” “No, no, not at all! Look, I know the dangers-” *insert stock photo of people laughing*

AIDA asking Fitz about Jemma is so creepy now...

Nice to hear Lincoln, Trip and Andrew mentioned

Hngnggnhng Radcliffe and AIDA were so well-intentioned at fiiiiiiiirst :(

Ohhhh I think she’s coming sooooooooon~

YES they’re bringing out the box

I can’’t breathe

“I’ve been told [the weapon is] powerful enough to bring our new enhanced enemies to their knees” - man I remember hearing this line and having NO IDEA it referred to a character rather than an object, let alone one I would pledge my life to

Also ... this means that Eli must have known what was in the box, but even if he did know that his co-workers were ghost-ed rather than killed, why would he know they’re dangerous? A disembodied spirit, in and of itself, wouldn’t be harmful... Or was he just bullshitting?

All right here we go

Oh okay I guess we’ve got a Robbie/Daisy scene (who cares about the two most important and interesting characters of the arc when you can obsess over a minor antagonist with barely any screen time amirite?)

YES HERE 

WE 

GO 

FOR

REAL

ą̶̻̱͚̼̱̥̹̘́̽͆́̒͒̄̽̿̌̒ ̷̢̺̪͕͕̲̠̗͚̺̰̈́ͅͅb̵̧̨̡̬͙͎̪̥̠̎̿͋͊̆͌̐̀̿̕͘̚͝͠͠r̶̨̫̲̭̬͚̄̂̽̇̓̏͘͝é̷̘͚͖̦̠ă̸̼̓̋̐̿͝t̷̛͓̠͚͋͐͒̑̀͆͒̃̚h̸̢̡̘̳̗̗̲͕̯̩̠̯͍͂ ̷̡̡͕͈̱͉͇̱̭̗͚̖̾͑̾͒̎͗͜͝͠͠ͅȏ̷̧̩͈̖̺̒̎̚̕͝ͅf̵̝̜̲͔̝̩͈̪͕̏ ̷̬̣̥̠͇͈̞̞͈͗̾̒̆̈́̄̾͗̈́͂͝f̵̥͚̤̼̬̫͇̖̖͕̼̼̩̈̂̌͗̃͌͆͂̎̈̀͐͊̈́̕r̴̜̖͉̣͎̰̜̪͒̎̿̾̋̌̐͑́͐͒͒͘̕ę̵̨͕̝̬̞̰͙̟̏̾̉̃̈́͌́̀́̏̕̚͠͝͝s̵͉̠͠h̷̬̼̙̙͔̪̞̙͖̣͙̮͚̆́̔̎̉̎͒͋͂́͛̊̽ ̸̢͖͕͍͓͈̼͔̮̳̩̩̝́̍ͅą̵̛̻̘̠̓̀͐̓̓̑͒̍͝i̷̙̓̂̀̈́̋̋͒̈́͐͑̈̚͠ŗ̶͚̖͈̠̘̠̝͙̠̳̝̥̮̟̀͒̑͊̅̚ ̴͙͈̀̔   MY  L O V E 

Has there ever been an entrance more ~iconique~ (TM) than Lucy materializing out of nowhere, hissing warning words in a gangster’s ear and immediately fucking everyone’s shit up (answer: yes)

GOD I remember seeing her for the first time and thinking, like, wtf is that? For some reason I thought there were multiple lady ghosts too before realizing there was just one. I just remember having this feeling like, whoa, this is a whole new playing field here, this is weird, what the hell is this?

I mean I do feel a bit bad for the guy, though ... Lucy’s powers, while cool, really are horrible to their victims.

For the love of GOD stop pausing and freezing, dumb video, I just need to watch like the last 6 minutes

OH and there goes Lucy through May ... I don’t have anything good to say about that, it’s just straight-up cruel and unnecessary on Lucy’s part

“[You killed] a teacher.” “A pedophile.” That’s the first moment where I had that little “oh” awakening about Robbie, like “well, maybe he isn’t such a bad guy.” I still remember that dawning realization.

I’ll always like Robbie/the Ghost Rider sparing Daisy there, even though she thinks she deserves to die due to her guilt - he can tell she’s not a bad person, despite what Hive forced her to do.

I kind of wish there’d been a parallel situation at the end of the season though with Fitz and GR, I think that’d have been a nice, clever book-end, and also given Fitz fans (myself included) some more closure. Plus, possible bonding moment for Daisy and Fitz.

Aww FS sharing a bed??? I forgot that part.

Half these Robbie scenes I recognize intimately from the zillions of AMVs I’ve watched of him in the past 10 months

Aww and here he is with Gabe ... that was the moment I Knew, in my heart, that he wasn’t a bad guy.

Honestly “Everyone gets attached to something” is such a fitting tagline for this episode both for actual relevant reasons and the personal fact that I found my new fave here

Oohhhhh the Coulson zombie face .... D: Lucy whyyy do you do this

May’s honestly really resilient; everybody else who gets infected starts having visions within seconds, whereas for her it takes presumably hours to get the first one, and she holds out for like a day or so (I think) before she goes completely homicidal. I chalk it up to her years of Shield training and mental self-control. 

Anyway that’s all for the first episode! I don’t honestly expect anyone to read these but if you did, I hope you enjoyed/weren’t too irritated by my ramblings. 

Meet the New Boss (one of my fave episodes on a purely self-indulgent level) is next week!!!!!

[ralphmorgan-blog1]

How To Finally Get Over Your Ex

He doesn't have to be an actual ex-boyfriend to have fucked with your head.

Whether you've just gotten out of a real relationship or a pseudo one, you still committed your thoughts to one person. And now that it's over, your thoughts naturally must go elsewhere.

Sure, you have an uncanny ability to talk at length about this season's Essie colors, or whether Kourtney and Scott's love for one another is eternal, but your mind will eventually find its way back to the guy you couldn't stop thinking about a week—or even a month—ago.

But you have to stop thinking about him before you can let yourself start thinking about someone else (besides yourself, obviously).

“Power is being told you're not loved and not being destroyed by it.” —Madonna

If you had it easy and had actual closure to your relationship, all you really have to do is wait. Time, Netflix and SoulCycle heal all wounds. Embrace them.

Keep reminding yourself that your breakup was for the best, and that even though life sucks right now, it will be so much better later on when your mind is clear of your ex, and onto better things like the hot guy you're hooking up with or the new Chanel bag your mom got you for Christmas.

The real way to get over someone you have been under for so long is to find ways to stop thinking about him. But when you do find your mind wandering into ex territory, which typically happens when your phone dies or when the Brazilian-wax technician isn't particularly talkative that day, just let yourself go there.

Allow yourself to feel sad about the situation, that you miss him, you miss having a boyfriend, blah fucking blah. A little sadness is normal, lean into it for a few minutes.

The Boyfriend Mourning Formula

Dated under a year: (The amount you liked him from a scale 0-5) x [0.5 (months you dated)] = weeks to get over him.

Example: You fell out of love. So you're basically over it. Zero multiplied by anything is zero. Congrats, Betch, you're ready to move on.

Second Example: You were together for nine months, you loved him and he broke your heart. 5x[.5(9)]=22.5 weeks, or 5–6 months. Remember this is a maximum. If you take longer than this, spare your friends the agony and seek professional help. Please.

One to three years: You have six months to one year. You're allowed one month to wallow in your own self-pity, but that's it. Use the rest of this time of mourning to get back to your old self.

Over three years: You have one year and that's it. Okay MAYBE one and a half depending on the dramatic nature of the breakup. Just remember, Botox can't stop your eggs from aging.

But don't ever pity yourself. You are not hopeless; you will bounce back to your normal self. Allow yourself those few minutes of sadness, but then snap out of it. Remember that you don't need to be in a relationship to be happy. Don't forget, you're a betch. Don't make us look bad.

Eventually the sadness will subside and you'll be able to think clearly. Make it a point to go out when you would have typically stayed in with him. If you had a favorite restaurant at which you two always ate, go find an even better restaurant and make a fucking new memory with your besties.

Fuck, we feel like sad pathetic losers even writing this. But it's fine, because being depressed over a guy is a super pathetic sad and loser-y state to be in. Once you are able to look back and laugh at just how sad and pathetic you were during those long weeks or months (hopefully not years, time is the only thing you can't ever get back), then congrats because you are so over it.

Other signs you are over it: Hearing his name and not getting a weird nauseating feeling in the pit of your stomach. Good sign. Seeing him in public without peeing your pants. Another good sign.

You may also be over it if you go on a date with someone and not once even think of your ex. But by date, we don't mean a one-night stand.

Sure, go out and have sex with a stranger, we don't discourage it. But don't assume that just because you fucked someone else, you're through the mourning process. Fuck for yourself, don't do it out of revenge or sadness. Because eventually the sex will end (probably too quickly), and you will go back to the rut from which you came (or more likely, didn't come).

However, if you didn't have closure to your relationship, that's an entirely different fucked-up playing field. This guy either ghosted you or never really gave you a concise, believable answer as to why he ended things.

When this happens, you have to make your own closure, which is about as easy and exciting as a juice cleanse or having a conversation with a cabdriver. Lucky for you, we have a handy guide for you to get over this loser.

The name of the game is replay, reconsider and repeat. (Yes, it's a play on lather, rinse, repeat.) Unless you're dirty AF, the goal of a hair-shower (not to be confused with a body-shower, which you should do daily) is to get rid of the dirt and oils that have accumulated on your scalp and hair throughout the day(s).

Now think of that dirt you're removing like the guy you're seeing. If you can get rid of him with just one rinse, congrats. But if you can't, keep repeating, Betch. He's bound to get out of your hair eventually.

Step One: Replay

Replay the relationship in your head. But instead of looking at it from your biased and slightly fantasized perspective, look at it from his. Don't be too hard on yourself, but imagine what he was thinking during each conversation or situation that you think may have taken part in your relationship's demise.

When you were saying, “I'm having a birthday party Saturday, you should stop by if you want,” is it possible he heard, “I want you to meet all my friends and celebrate a life milestone with me, and I'm just tricking you into a relationship?"

Step Two: Reconsider

Now that you've seen his perspective, it's time to be realistic and reconsider the situation. Delve deeper into what the actual truth of each situation is. Only then will you uncover what was actually wrong with the relationship and your communication.

Here, even though it hurts, try to be as real as you can. Maybe after some consideration you realized that you didn't really know him, and he didn't know you at all. You even asked your friends what they thought of him and they're like, What's he look like again? Perhaps you were obsessed with the idea of him and not actually him. You know that saying that goes “there's your side, his side, and the truth?"

Well the goal of this process is to see the truth. You're not a 45-year-old alcoholic homemaker from the 1950s; you don't need to lie to yourself.

Step Three: Repeat

Repeat this until you come to the inevitable conclusion that you two just weren't right for each other and, more important, he wasn't right for you.

So whatever happened during whatever period of time you were dating eventually ends up irrelevant, and you accept the fact that you don't even need to hear his side of the story because your version is about one billion times more profound than any bullshit he will have to say.

You're a betch, so you're pretty fucking smart, or at least smart enough to figure out that guys are pretty fucking stupid. As long as your reasoning isn't entirely delusional (again, lying to yourself isn't cute and is instead marginally psychotic), then you'll be able to get over him 100 percent of the time.

Unless he like, died—then take comfort in the fact that at least you weren't dumped and like, see a real therapist.

What Would Karen Do?

The complete opposite. She will use this time to dwell on how perfect his jawline is while rereading every text conversation the two of them ever had. She will then Google “how to hack into Snapchat's database to recover selfies of ex-boyfriend.”

After she sees Results Not Found, she will continue to talk about him until her friends kindly tell her to stop bitching about that bro, he was an asshole and never liked you.

She will storm away, feeling offended and over it for about five minutes. When she gets home, she'll troll Tinder until she finds him, will take a screenshot, send it to him and say, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'VE MOVED ON SO FAST. DIDN'T I MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU!?!?

He will not respond. She'll think, he prob just didn't get the text.

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