#like sorry I hate yardwork

[treesah]

The average homebuyer in Northern Virginia has no fucking taste and I’m suffering for it. It’s landlord specials and greige flips with shoddy workmanship going for $700,000 minimum as far as the eye can see

[sentimentalslut]

So I've hit a bit of a dead end in my life where I have no idea what to do or what I want to do. Do you have any advice on how to try and figure it all out?

Also I love ur duncney fics you should be an author <3

listen, anon. i'm 26. as much as i am flattered that you think i have it figured out, i do not. i'm willing to bet i wont have it figured out in ten years or twenty or forty-five. the thing is, i'm fine with that.

so here's my advice:

honestly, just keep living. put one foot in front of the other. find things you enjoy for no other purpose than enjoyment.

you don't have to 'do' anything -- living is about experiences. not every one of them have to have a purpose.

most of being human is drifting around and wondering why youre here. none of us really have the answer. that's okay. that's normal. maybe you'll never figure out what you're meant to 'do'. and that's fine!

the thing that keeps me anchored in the sea of Being Alive All the Time, and the thing that keeps most people anchored, is passion.

step one of discovering your passion, whatever it is, is to allow yourself to discover it. pick up pointless new hobbies and let yourself put them down if you dont enjoy them. read new books. read wikipedia articles for things youve never heard of. go on long walks in new parts of your neighborhood. listen to a new podcast. watch a video essay about something stupid youve always been curious about.

make bad art. paint shitty pictures, draw shitty portraits, write shitty stories. let yourself be bad at things. let yourself be purposeless.

accept the fact that you are human and unsure about your place in the universe -- because those two things go hand in hand. this is the curse of sentience. embrace it.

[uitzinnigmp3]

.

[skrunksthatwunk]

jumpscared by least favorite seasonal chore

[skelly-words]

more bf!sukuna hcs, but he’s insufferable and stuck in my head. this is part 4…

warning: some NSFW, slight intox, minors DNI

NEVER lets you drive. he’s so misogynistic. “females are bad drivers” ass bitch. "you're gonna wrap us around a tree."

claims to despise when you baby him e.g. forehead kisses, scratching his back to put him to sleep, even fucking cuddling. don’t believe that shit for a second but pretend to and stop until he starts acting grateful.

way too confrontational to be taken out in public. just pretend you don’t know him when he’s pulling a gun on someone who stepped on his shoes.

you’d be broke if you bailed him out of jail every fucking time. at least let him marinate there all night before folding or call his dad to do it instead.

so messy. it's unintentional, but sukuna just leaves a trail of disorder in his wake. throw pillows on the floor, shoes in the walkway, and always leaving the lights on despite complaining about the utility bill.

throw him outside to do yardwork or something. he loves that shit. putting in a couple fruit trees, maybe stepping stones. by the end of the summer you have a tiered garden with slate retaining walls and an automatic irrigation system.

why does he have a green thumb? he's in a secret competition with the neighbors for prettiest lawn. and yet, you manage to kill the little succulent garden he planted for you.

a minimalist (derogatory). sukuna is always trying to throw your trinkets and knickknacks away when you're not paying attention.

he loves getting a little fashion show after you buy new clothes. it's one of the few cute things he'll admit to enjoying. it doesn't matter if the outfit is skimpy or modest, hearts are popping out of his eyes like in a fucking cartoon.

doesn't apologize under any circumstances. the word 'sorry,' isn't in his lexicon. however, he will leave his card on the counter before heading to work and pick up flowers on the way home and make reservations at your favorite restaurant. don't expect to hear a real apology though.

super duper tender-headed. you can't even detangle it without him whining. might cry if you try to do braids, twists, any kinda style. fucking pussy

irritating asf. actually hate him, idk why i’m writing this. i'd probably poison him and collect the life insurance.

UMM nsfw

calling sukuna something corny and dominant in bed (sir/daddy/king/etc.) out of the blue would make him nut. and he isn’t even embarrassed about it at all.

incapable of pulling off a quickie. i think this is more endearing than aggravating. he can't hit it right in just ten minutes. he'll ask for more time. and a little more. then it's been an hour and you're likely running late for something.

thinks you're hottest bent over (i'm not even projecting rn bc my ass is flat). don't worry, he thinks your face is cute, missionary is great too. but if you wore one of those pillow case ass house dresses with no panties he'd go crazy. i hate to air him out like this, but it's true. i gotta link this shit so you know what i'm talking about. makes him feral. maybe i am projecting bc i luv those dresses.

but anyway, he'd fall for the 'bend and snap' so bad (legally blonde reference). these are basically crack, sorry

occasionally forgets that foreplay is a thing and tries to go straight from light frenching to stickin it.

i feel like sukuna’s sunday nights are spent getting really high and kissing on you for hours. he just gets the munchies dude. leaving dewy spots of saliva on all your exposed skin. once he’s tasted that, your clothes is peeled off so he can drool on the rest of you. he doesn’t even realize how much of a tease he is. his mouth suctioned to your inner thigh… maybe i should just write this as its own thingy

p sure i said this already, but he’s a biter. gnaws on you like a mf chew toy. it’s an oral fixation thing, if you don’t like it buy him lots of lollipops and tic tacs.

ok i have to stop before i gross myself out. tyty for reading <3<3<3 have a wonderful day.

masterlist if you wanna read the rest

[bluecollarmcandtf]

The Cop I Own part 1

I pulled into my driveway after a long day. I jumped at the sight of an intimidating figure waiting on my porch in a blue uniform . Why were the police at my house?

Then, I recognized him.

The dense body, the handsome beard, and that same prideful smirk: it was officer De Luca, the cop that had pulled me over this morning.

I had been hungover and late when demanded my license and registration, and I didn't keep myself from snapping at him.

The poor cop was gravely outmatched. Using my mind control abilities, I had him agreeing with me about everything I said in a matter of seconds.

He now knew he was in the wrong here. He was an idiot for pulling me over, and he was more than happy to do anything to make up for it. That's when I gave him my address, telling him to be there in uniform after his shift ended.

I sped off without another thought and honestly forgot about the guy until this moment.

The cop eagerly stepped up to me on the driveway, a hopeful smile on his face and an excited palm outstretched.

"Hello sir. I want to say again how sorry I am for pulling you over this morning," he promised, "I tore up that ticket right after you left. If there's anything I could do to make up for the inconvenience..."

"Oh I think I could find something for you to do," I replied, already excited to put a policeman to work.

My lawn and garden have become an overgrown mess ever since I moved in, and I hated doing yard work. That's why I made him do it.

Officer De Luca trimmed the bushes first, grabbing some gloves and clippers from my garage. He said he wanted to change into something more casual, but I assured him that he was willing to do the labor in his full uniform.

He came to agree with me. What a surprise there.

Before long, the cop was building up a sweat in his police outfit, while I sat on the porch and sipped a drink. I really enjoyed watching the cop clean up my garden. I had a lot of work he could do and all night to make him do it.

"Go ahead and mow the lawn next!" I called to him.

"You got it, sir," he grunted back, picking up the pace with the clippers.

He had to refill the gas in the lawn mower before it would run. I hardly ever touched the thing, but he eventually kicked it into action.

I told the officer to finish up the rest of the yardwork, before heading inside for the night. Occasionally I would go out and check on him, finding the guy weeding the mulch beds and watering the flowers. He was so engrossed in my yardwork, he hardly seemed to notice me staring at him toiling away.

Eventually he knocked on my door and explained that he had finished. I went out and inspected his work, while he shuffled nervously behind me.

"It looks good..."

His face relaxed.

"...so you'll be here the same time tomorrow? I've got plenty more you can do."

"Oh," Officer De Luca wiped his sweaty brow and sighed, "I guess I thought this was it."

"It isn't," I explained, "But you liked helping me out with my house chores didn't you?"

"Yeah, I guess I did."

"So lets make this a daily thing, man. Get here after work each night and find me. I'll give you something to do. There is plenty to get done around here."

I smiled as the cop ultimately agreed. He would spend his evenings here, working for me. From now on, the chores in my house could be pushed onto my new work pig.

I was already thinking about all the annoying work I could leave for him tomorrow...

[mothwiingz]

i’m always hungry bc as soon as my stomach gets to like 60% capacity, i start to lose the ability to swallow food. i constantly feel hunger gnawing at my stomach, i can’t get full bc my body stops letting me eat. first i can’t swallow tough meat or thick doughy bread, then any meat, then fruit, then everything above the consistency of a smoothie. it just gets stuck for several minutes and leaves me making swallowing motions over and over, sipping water in tiny bits so as not to cause myself even more pain, struggling to get the food down my throat. it takes me upwards of an hour to eat dinner. and once i do get close to being full, it feels like my body is struggling to hold the food down. so i have to just deal with being hungry all the time.

this is why ice cream is my favorite dessert. why ive always hated cake. bc i wanna be able to eat my damn dessert without extreme discomfort. cant wait until i move out and i can control what i eat and i can make foods that are easy to swallow and dont leave me clutching my chest and struggling to breathe

and my parents get mad at me for eating slowly :( do they want me to shove more food in my mouth and get a bunch of it stuck in my throat. its like trying to run when youre up to your chest in mud. no matter how much you struggle, youll just hurt yourself, you cant go faster.

its not my fault my body fell asleep during the part in Body School where they teach you how to make collagen correctly and not royally fuck it up. fucking hell, i wish i could eat normally too but here we are.

im sorry i can barely swallow what you make me eat and it makes me eat slowly. im sorry i stop being able to stand up if you make me do yardwork for 20 minutes with no breaks or access to a mobility aid. im sorry for wanting to not be worked until i can barely stay awake, then told im not trying hard enough. im sorry i spend so much time alone and it offends your fragile NT ass. im sorry my disabilities disable me and its inconvenient for you. im sorry my disabilities disable me and its inconvenient for you.

[nukenai]

I'm taking one more trip this year and now I have to again pay a friend to come check on my animals, bc my roommate has shown himself to be completely irresponsible. I asked if he could just fill the cat fountains and clean the boxes a couple times. He enthusiastically told me yes of course he could handle that!

I came home to absolutely filthy litter boxes, and my SIL said she had to refill the fountains when she checked on the lizards. She didn't do the boxes bc I told her roommate was doing them and she assumed he'd get to them. She apologized to me(!!) and said she would've done them if she knew they hadn't been cleaned... Well, I didn't know either.

He said he would care for my reptiles when I went to Disney earlier this year and I came home to more than one completely bone dry water dish. He gave me a meek "sorry". He also NEVER GOT THE FUCKING MAIL while I was in Hawaii and my SIL had to bring it in and sort it.

He is still unemployed and has been since February. He apparently complained to my SIL about how shitty it is to not have a job. But he's also not helping around the house more and thinks emptying the dishwasher is like "pulling his weight" and makes sure to tell me every time he does it. He spends a minimum of 20 hours a day shut up in his room watching movies. Uggghhhh!!!

I just can't understand people who live their lives with such little personal responsibility. People who feel like nothing is their issue and as long as their immediate space is cared for, all is well. He's never been responsible for anything but himself and his ego matters more than anything. See: lying to people about how he quit his job voluntarily instead of being fired for being bad at it.

After some arm twisting I got him to mow the front lawn and he whined and whined about his allergies and how much he hates doing lawns. Except when he moved in he told me was so excited to help with yardwork because he was proud to live in this house.

I feel like I'm going insane. He's still paying his bills and shit so I'm not going to kick him out but he is an adult man in his 30s and I feel like his mom half the time having to tell him "please do not leave onion skins all over the fucking counters and floors, they are POISONOUS to cats, fucking clean up after yourself".

Why are men

[finitevoid]

I don’t mind doing things for my grandma but there is something so special about everyone sitting in the room with me as I’m decorating for christmas which is something I don’t enjoy for a holiday I don’t enjoy and me looking at my cousin and being like can you PLEASE hang these stupid fucking baubles from the curtain rod you are 3/4 of a foot taller than me and contrary to the other two people in this room you are not 80 and dying a slow painful death and him being like eeghhhhh for long enough that I just stand on the precarious chest to do it myself. Every day I understand why my mother is the joker more and more. I asked him to carry the empty boxes of decorations upstairs and then he left the building entirely like I’m sorry that you were born with a dick and I wasn’t and that means that the yardwork is your problem and the housework is mine but and I hate to break this to you but sometimes I have to do the penis work as well so maybe we should all just kill ourselves. Maybe we should all just explode.

[lilyeholland]

Driver’s License

[Luke Patterson x Reader]

Requested: YES! By my bestie @dakotagillespie !!! (go follow her, she makes amazing art♥). 

Based off the song ‘driver’s license’ by Olivia Rodrigo

Summary: After a whole Spring and Summer of Luke teaching Y/N to drive, she’s finally ready to get her license and makes plans to take her boyfriend back to his parent’s after he plays at the Orpheum. 

A/N: Bruh I’m literally making little mini series’ about Sunset Curve’s boo thangs before they died..... sorry for all the angst but also I’m not sorry at all :)

“Pull over, pull over, pull over,” Luke repeats enthusiastically, scared but still giggling at how horrible of a driver you are. 

You quickly turn on your blinker and pull off to the side of the road, feeling your heart beat all the way down your arms. You felt like it was making the whole car shake. 

You look over at Luke, eyes wide, nervous to look into his eyes after almost killing him. ‘Almost killing him’ is an exaggeration. You only swerved into the other lane a little because you thought you saw a squirrel in the middle of the road. Turns out, it was just a leaf. 

“Well that was,” Luke struggles to find the right words, “an adventure.” He looks at your face, sees your on the verge of tears and trying so hard to bottle it up and shifts his position in the passenger’s seat. “Hey, it’s okay. I sucked at driving too when I first started.”

“You think I suck at driving?” You nearly shout at him, only half of you taking offense to that. 

“Wait, no! No, no, no. That’s not what I meant, I mean-” he takes a deep breath and huffs it out in a laugh. 

You give him a tilted look, your pending tears now fading away as a smile crosses her face. “I know what you meant, Luke,” you interrupt his babbling and reach out for his hand. “I’m just giving you a hard time.”

“Well, don’t do that!” He bats his eyelashes as he looks back up at you, your hand fitting snug in his. “Also, please try not to kill me anymore, okay? I wanna be able to live to play the Orpheum.” 

“AH!” you shout in a teasing-defensive tone, taking the map from off the dashboard and hitting him with it. 

“Hey, hey, hey!” he shouts as he reaches through your hands to tickle your sides, knowing it’s your weakness. Immediately, your hands fly to his to try and get him to stop. Loud laughs and high pitched squeals fill the car as you fight off each other’s loving touches. 

“This probably looks so wrong,” Luke say through a breathless laugh.

“What do you mean?” you get out once you’re able to stop laughing.

“A pulled over, fogged up car that’s rocking back and forth? People are gonna think we’re up to something naughty.” Luke decrescendos his voice so its merely a whisper by the end of his sentence. 

“And what if we were?” You tease, brushing the mess of hair out of his face. 

“Aaah,” he nods his head and smiles. “I like the way you think, Y/N,” he leans up closer to you, his nose brushing against yours until your lips meet. He pushes himself up more so he’s taller than you, continuing to kiss you and hold the side of your face in his hand. 

“I’m never gonna get my license if we keep doing this every time you take me driving,” you say in between kisses, your smile clashing on top of his. 

He groans and pulls himself off of you. “You take your test in what? Like a week?”

“On Wednesday, yeah.”

“So, we’re fiiiiineee,” he sings. “We should still probably take you home so your mom doesn’t flip out on me for having you out too late. One of our mothers already hates me, we don’t need both of them to.”

“Luke, don’t say that. Your mom doesn’t hate you.” You reassure him, looking longingly into his now sad eyes. 

“She sure acts like it,” he looks down at his hands and his voice gets quiet. Noticing the tension in the car he’s created, he quickly perks up and says, “switch me spots, I’ll take you home,” with a smile and a wink. 

You hadn’t talked to Luke in a while. Every time you went by his house, he wasn’t there because him and his mom were fighting. You hated seeing how estranged he was from his mother and wished you could do something to help. 

Today, you drove by his house to tell him the exciting news that you had passed your driver’s test!! To your luck, he was outside pulling some weeds when you pulled up in the driveway. He gave you a look and wiggled his eyebrows once he realized it was you driving that 92′ Chevy Blazer. You quickly got out of the car and ran into his arms.

You couldn’t decide if he was more cute or more hot with his cut off shirt, gardening gloves and sunhat. 

“I didn’t expect to see you here,” you smile as you rub in some of the sunscreen on his cheek. 

“Yeah, mom’s making me do yardwork before band practice.” He rolls his eyes and scoffs. “But look at you! You got your license, and a car?!” He changes his mood so quickly, pointing over to your new ride. “This is sick, Y/N,” he wraps his arm over your shoulders and brings you in for a side hug, kissing the top of your head while doing so. 

“I know! Now I can actually pick you up after the show and we can maybe come back here after?”

Luke groans again. “Do we have to? She doesn’t even know we’re playing there, yet.”

“I think it would be nice for her to see how good you guys actually are. Maybe she’ll be more supportive after that.” You shrug at him, trying to convince him that she just needs some time to come around.

“Speaking of the devil,” Luke starts, “let’s go somewhere before she gets back,” he coos as she pulls you into his body. 

“Don’t you have to do yardwork?”

“I’m basically done,” he bites off his gardening gloves and throws them into the yard. 

“Okay, cowboy,” you tease him as you flick his sunhat off of his head and walk off to the driver’s side of the car. 

“Don’t let Reggie hear you call me that, he’s been trying to get us to sing country music for forever.”

You laugh at the messy-haired boy beside you, soaking in the moment of the two of you together before he makes it big with Sunset Curve and won’t be able to see you as much anymore. 

“You know, I wish you were more comfortable driving so I could hold your hand right now,” he looks over at you, although your eyes are glued to the road ahead of you. You manage to get out a laugh, fighting the temptation to look at his cute face. 

Since he can’t hold your hand, he settles for resting his had on your knee. Which, in your opinion, was much better.

[let-me-love-you-loki]

Reassuring Too Late

Nick

           It was strange those first few days and weeks. It didn’t matter that I’d only been gone for a week… I’d walked out on my wife, my kids, my brother. I’d left them when they needed me, when Mattie needed me. After everything Y/N had gone through with Ty… selfish wasn’t even the word for it. Coward wasn’t even strong enough.

           And God knew I hated myself every second of every minute of every day that I was gone. It ate at me the moment I started packing my stuff. By the time I was in the car, I felt like I was going to puke. I cried as soon as I pulled out of the driveway and sobbed all the way to my parents’ house.

           I was still amazed that they’d let me come home. That Matt and Y/N had given me the chance to make all of this up to them was almost more than I could grasp. They had more grace and love than I could fathom. I didn’t deserve them, and I thanked God every day that they’d allowed me back.

           For the first week after I came home, Mattie wouldn’t let me out of her sight. Matt and Y/N had pulled her from school, so she was home all the time. If I walked down the hall, she was right on my heels. If I stepped outside to do yardwork or have a place to think, she found a reason to sit with her feet in the pool or to do her homework at the picnic table on the patio. More than once, I found her bundled up in her sleeping bag outside the door of whatever bedroom I happened to be sleeping in.

           Matt took a while to let me spend time with Y/N without hovering. I didn’t blame him, honestly. But I tried my best to show them both that I was sorry… that I wanted to make things right. Y/N just rolled her eyes at Matt and acted—wonderfully—as if nothing had happened. Yes, I could still see some of the pain in her eyes when she looked at me. Every second of seeing her in pain was like a knife in my chest, and I swore that I would never hurt her again. That I would die first.

           “Dad,” Mattie said, appearing out of the blue at my elbow. “Can you help me with this?”

           She pointed to the thick paperback book in her hand. Algebra. I cringed a little. “I haven’t done algebra in… way too long.” Her face dropped. I smiled. “But I’ll try.”

           Her fingers wrapped around mine. There were new callouses on her palms, earned from long hours in the home gym or the training ring. She’d gotten stronger, and God knew that she looked more like her mother every day. My chest ached. I couldn’t believe I’d been such a coward as to leave her when she needed me.

           We plopped down on the bench at the table. She pushed some papers aside, stacking her other books in a rough pile. Then she flipped open the book and slid it closer to me. “I don’t get how to do this,” she said pointing at the page.

           I pulled the book close and tried not to look intimidated. After two read throughs of the problems, I figured I had some idea of what was going on.

           “Okay, first, what does your teacher say to do?”

           Mattie grinned, “You mean Mom or Hattie?”

           I bumped her playfully with my shoulder. “Hattie. We both know your Mom isn’t the best when it comes to this stuff.”

           She smiled even more and launched into a detailed explanation of her last co-op meeting and what had happened in her math lesson. I listened carefully, hoping something would ring a bell for me. Honestly, I’d spent more time in high school waiting to get home to train with Matt than I did listening to what was going on. Hopefully I wasn’t completely useless in this.

           “So, when it says this…” she ran her fingers down the page, “then, you take this here and put it in this equation. But I don’t get this one. There’s too much going on.”

           I looked over her shoulder. If f(x)=….. and g(x)=… and t(x)=…. Then what is f(g(t(x)))?

           Holy shit, I thought, I have no clue what to do.

           “Okay, give me a second…” I needed more than a second, but I wasn’t going to tell her that. “So let’s talk through what Hattie told you. If you see f(g(x)) and all you do is take the equation for g(x) and put it in where there’s an x in the original equation, how is this one different?”

           Mattie stared at the page, the corners of her mouth turning down. I could see the frustration settling in on her brow. “I don’t know, Dad. I can’t do math. It’s stupid…. I’m stupid.”

           “You are not stupid, Mattie. Not everything comes easy for everyone. Sometimes, you have to work extra hard and that’s okay.” I leaned over and kissed the side of her head. “You can do this. So look… let’s do Hattie’s lesson again.”

           We sat there for what felt like hours, but was probably only a few minutes. Mattie recited what she’d been told by her teacher. I picked out problems that looked exactly what Mattie wrote on the paper, and we did them together. Three problems in I knew what she was supposed to do.

           “Take a deep breath, and listen to me, okay? If you can do that with two equations…”

           I watched. Waited. Held my tongue. She needed to figure it out on her own.

           She perked up, looking at her book with wide eyes. “If you can do that with two equations, you can do it with three. Work backward! Plug t into g and then the result of that into f.”

           I grinned back, holding up my fingers. “There you go, gimme a too sweet.”

           She smiled so proudly that it made my heart nearly burst. She looked so much like Y/N in that moment. I tucked my arms around her and gave her a big hug. “Proud of you, Tea.”

           Mattie pressed a kiss to my cheek. “Love you, Dad. I think I can do this now.”

           “Shout if you need me, okay?” I dropped a kiss on the top of her head as I stood up and turned toward the kitchen. “I won’t be far.”

           The moment my gaze focused on the kitchen, I felt my breath snatched out of my chest. Y/N stood by the sink, tears streaming down her cheeks, one hand pressed against her mouth, the other gripping her phone. Guilt stabbed through me as I closed the space between us.

           “What’s the matter, Sunshine?” I asked, settling my palms against her cheeks. My thumbs brushed at the tears still flowing.

           My wife looked up at me with the eyes that could stop my heart and make it race at the same time. She reached out, pressing her hand over my heart. “I just saw you with Mattie and…”

           I squeezed my eyes shut and let my forehead press against hers. It ached to take a breath. “I’ll fix it, Y/N. I promise you, I’ll make it up to you. To all of you.”

***

           Nick smelled like sunshine and heat and home. I marveled at it these days, desperate to burn every second into my memory, knowing that it could end at any moment. As much as I tried to put those lonely days behind me, I couldn’t help but feel the lingering fear that this bubble of happiness would burst and I would lose myself again.

           I’d come upon them by accident. Nicole and the boys were at school. Baby Ty was asleep in the nursery. I had planned on getting started on lunch for when Mattie had a break. Yet, the moment I stepped into the kitchen I saw them at the table. Mattie, her dark hair pulled back in a messy knot, long legs folded beneath her on the bench, leaning unconsciously into Nick’s side. Nick, turned toward our daughter, his arm slung around her shoulder, head tilted sideways, brow furrowed in concentration.

           I couldn’t help but take pictures. Dozens of them. The longer I looked, the more I cried. It was everything I’d ever wanted… a happy life with the people I loved the most in the whole world. Everything that happened had only made me more grateful for the moments I had.

           “Oh, Nick,” I whispered, resting my hands on his ribs. “You’re here. You’re home, and there’s nothing else that I want.”

           His blue eyes popped open. “Then why are you crying?”

           I chuckled and leaned up to press a kiss to his cheek. “Because I’m watching you with our daughter. I’m watching you be a dad. And that’s the greatest joy I’ve ever known.”

           Nick snatched me closer, burying his face against my neck. He hugged me tight, one hand cradling the back of my head. His chest rose and fell in gasping breaths, tears dampening the skin of my throat. I clutched him to me, falling into the strength and comfort and rightness of the way that it felt to be in his arms.

           “You are enough,” I murmured over and over again. “You’ve always been enough, Nick. I love you so much. I’ve loved you since the first time I saw you. All I’ve ever wanted was to have this… this life with you.”

           Nick sucked in a breath and leaned back, cradling my face with his hands. “I hated myself for so long… wanting what my brother had. For wanting you and everything that being with you would bring.”

           I shushed him, smiling softly as I looked into his beautiful blue eyes. “Then I should hate me too, Nick. But Matt doesn’t hate us, so why should we hate ourselves? I have you. You have me. We have Matt, and we have these beautiful children. And God knows, the happiest moments of my life are watching you be a dad.”

           Wriggling out of his hold, I picked up my phone and pulled up one of the pictures I’d just taken. He slipped the phone from my fingers and stared at the photo until the screen went black. I rested my forehead against his bicep.

           “Dad! I’m stuck again,” Mattie called over her shoulder. I felt Nick heave a breath. He wiped his eyes and pressed a kiss to my hair.

           “Coming, Tea.”

Tag List

@mox-made-me-do-it @not-that-kinda-gurl08 @lilred91 @imagineall-the-fandoms @maelleoute​ @librathepheonix13​ @justamess44​

[victimeyez]

Buck and Fletcher 2: Electric Boogaloo

Fanfic for @knivestothroats In The Woods Somewhere - click for masterlist

This one is actually so long I had to break it into parts, tags will be listed at the beginning of each chapter for the chapter, and links to the other parts here:

Part 1: X Part 2: X Part 3: X Part 4: X Part 5: Here

Fletcher returns to find what the trainees have done with Buck, and decides to make it up to him. MIND THE TAGS- THIS ONE GETS SPICY

Concept inspired by @deadupondaylight ‘s fic HERE

Tags: Captive whumpee, multiple whumpers, post shock torture, post water torture, Buck’s no good very bad day, intimate whumper, OOC, noncon/dubcon, explicit sex acts, scratching, gore, sadism, sorry Buck :c

Fletcher opened the door, wiping their feet on the mat. They almost called for Buck out of habit, but then remembered he had been locked in his room. The kitchen table was empty except for a mostly-empty bowl with a spoon, and a porcelain hot plate pad. 

Okay, so they must have found the key.

They checked Buck’s room anyways. The door was halfway open, no Buck inside. 

Fletcher padded into the community room, where Dayal and Petrova were watching a movie, enjoying their day off. 

“Where’s Buck?”

Dayal acknowledged them, but Petrova responded without taking her eyes off the screen.

“Taking a bath.”

“In the bathroom by his room?”

“Yes.”

“Is he conscious?”

Petrova shrugged, and Dayal smirked.

“If you killed him, you’re doing his yardwork.”

Dayal scowled but Petrova didn’t react, and Fletcher walked back to the bathroom. The door was cracked open, like it had only lightly started to swing shut rather than intended to be kept either open or closed.  They knocked lightly on the door, and when there was no response, they swung the door open.

Buck was taking a bath, yes, but fully clothed, except for a shirt ripped open over a chest covered in fading bruises and a collection of fresh burns. His nose was busted, half-dried blood trickling down into the water and dissolving in little pink swirls.

“Buck?”

He didn’t respond, and Fletcher stepped closer. There was a battery sitting on the closed toilet seat, and a pair of clamps detached and abandoned on the floor beside it. 

Fletcher pushed their sleeve up and reached down, touching Buck’s neck. There was definitely a pulse there, and at their touch Buck stirred, opening his swollen eyes puffy from crying, and groaning wordlessly.

There was a knock behind them.

“Hey, did they have my deodorant in stock?”

Fletcher turned around, O’Connor standing in the doorway looking none-too-surprised by Buck’s state.

“No, I picked a different one, but it’s still lavender. What did you all do to Buck this time?”

“We did an experiment, dry electrocution VS wet. I took notes.”

Fletcher sighed, pushing their sleeve back down to their wrist.

“And what was your conclusion?”

“Can’t be too sure since we did them back to back, but Buck could take way more in the kitchen than he could in the tub. We had to stop before we were even halfway done.”

Fletcher hummed. 

“Alright, well, you and the others are going to have to put groceries away, now that I have to tend to this one. If he gets sick, I’m blaming all of you.”

O’Connor shrugged. “We unbound him and filled it with warm water once we were done, he should be fine.”

Fletcher dismissed her to go unload groceries with the others and looked down at Buck with a sigh. 

“Alright, well, don’t want the water to get too cold, do we?”

They reached down, sacrificing their shirt to get wet, and grabbed Buck under the arms. The water was already cool, but hopefully he wouldn’t catch a chill. They pulled him to sit up, then grabbed one of his arms and pulled it around their shoulder, lifting him slowly to a standing position. 

“Come on. Can you walk?”

Buck made an uncertain noise, but did try to get his feet under him. He was shaky and still had to lean heavily on Fletcher, but they managed to walk him back to his room.

They dropped Buck on the bed and pulled their pocket knife, allowing themselves a momentary rush as Buck’s eyes saw it and widened. 

“No-”

“You ever tried to pull wet jeans off of someone? Hold still.”

Buck looked anxious but didn’t protest when Fletcher cut the last tatters of his shirt off and pulled them out from underneath him, tossing them into a heap on the floor. 

Buck whined when they started on his pants, the razor’s edge of the knife making quick work of the side seam. Down the same on his other side, and Fletcher pulled them free. Buck’s shaky hands fluttered to cover himself, his wet underwear leaving little to the imagination.

Fletcher rolled their eyes.

“You seriously want to keep those on?”

Buck nodded weakly and Fletcher sighed.

“Alright, well, you can rest for a bit. I’ll…. tuck you in here, I guess.”

Fletcher pulled the covers out from under Buck with a little jostling, until they were able to peel them to the side.

“Why?”

Fletcher glanced back up, catching Buck’s eyes on them. They watered with fresh tears and he looked so genuinely distraught Fletcher had to suppress a laugh.

“So you don’t catch a cold, dummy.”

“No. Why...did you lie?”

Fletcher sighed, exasperated, and pulled back, sitting on the edge of the bed. 

“What, the key?”

“You could have just said no. Why didn’t you just tell me no? Did you just….have to get my hopes up? Is it not enough to hurt me every other way anymore?”

“Spare me the theatrics, I just forgot it, okay?”

“I thought I could trust your word, at least.”

Fletcher hated how that made them feel.

“It was a simple mistake, I hardly think that makes me untrustworthy.”

Fletcher had seen Buck hurt a million times over in a million different ways, but Buck had never, ever looked at them with a look so profoundly wounded.

They rubbed the back of their neck. The tiny nag of...not guilt, but, close, was being swallowed up by a general feeling of being pissed off. 

“Okay, yeah. It was...kind of a dick move. You asked me nicely, and I did tell you yes. If it had been intentional, that would have been pretty shitty.”

With some effort, Buck rolled onto his side, his back to Fletcher, still sitting by his legs.

“Please, please just let me sleep.”

Fletcher felt angry. They wanted to stand up and walk out and leave Buck to his little pity party. 

They felt really angry that they didn’t want to do that.

With a sigh, they pushed their wet sleeves back up, prickling with irritation.

“I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry you couldn’t trust me this one time.”

Buck didn’t respond. 

“Are you going to mope about this all week?”

Buck closed his eyes, a defeated look on his face. His voice was low when he murmured back.

“Why do you care?”

“I don’t,” Fletcher replied automatically.

“I mean...look, I just don’t want you pouting about this. It’s really fucking annoying.”

Buck looked somehow sadder, and Fletcher thought they’d seen few things so pathetic.

“I’ll make it up to you.”

Buck’s eyes flicked over to theirs again. That got his attention.

“You feel bad, because of me, sort of. So just… just try to relax.”

Fletcher’s hand caught his hip, and in one smooth motion, they caught the tip of their blade under the side of his boxers, splitting them.

“What-” Buck startled, immediately scrambling to cover himself, but Fletcher pushed his hip back to force him to lay back against the mattress.

“F- Fletcher, what are you-”

“You feel bad, so, this will feel good. You better enjoy it, because it won’t be happening again.”

Fletcher tugged the last of Buck’s modesty out of the way, and he hated how pathetic he sounded when he squeaked, too weak to fend them off. Fletcher kneeled on the bed, straddling one of his thighs to pin him back with his legs spread. They reached behind themselves, pulling something else from their pocket, and produced a small bottle.

Buck didn’t know what it was until Fletcher uncapped it, squeezing out a line of it onto their finger.

“What the - what the fuck-” Buck breathed, squirming weakly underneath them.

“Relax, it’s lube.”

“Why the fuck do you have that?”

“Seriously, relax, I got it for your scars. Best way to get silicone into your skin. Though it does have other uses, of course.”

Buck keened in distress when Fletcher’s hand closed around his cock, gently stroking him.

The lube was cold but Fletcher’s hand was very warm, and after so long without any intimacy, Buck felt unbearably sensitive to their touch.

Buck’s mind was already reeling from a miserable day of torture, and this development proved to be too much for him. He clasped his hands over his mouth, trying to suppress his soft sounds even as Fletcher easily coaxed him to erection.

Fletcher sighed and stopped, scooching down Buck’s leg a little, their legs folded underneath them. 

“Enjoy it while it lasts, ‘cause seriously, never again.”

“What-” Fletcher crawled forwards, gripping his cock in their hand and in one smooth motion, leaned down and licked a stripe from base to tip.

They failed to suppress a smile against Buck’s indignant squeak.

They sucked the head into their mouth, ignoring the bittersweet taste of the lube, and hollowing out their cheeks as they sucked him in a few inches.

For a moment Buck imagined Fletcher biting down, severing his flesh and smirking at him with blood down their chin, and his stomach churned. Before he could unfreeze from his fear though, Fletcher pressed his cock deeper in their mouth and sucked.

Buck keened, his shaky hands fluttering anxiously in Fletcher’s periphery.

“Fuck, fuck, what-” Fletcher pulled off with a little pop of their lips.

“If your hands touch my head, I’m cutting them off. Just lay back and enjoy.”

Buck gave a wordless whimper, his hands falling down to his sides.

Fletcher returned to their ministrations, rubbing the tip of their tongue on the sensitive spot under the head of his cock, making him mewl. 

“F-FFuuuuccckkk-” Buck gasped, his hands curling into fists in the sheets at his sides.

This was wrong, this felt so wrong, but fuck, he was so exhausted, he had no energy to fight, he had spent every minute of his imprisonment here in pain, and Fletcher’s mouth was so warm and soft, and he so desperately just wanted to feel good again, even a little bit, even just for a moment…. 

Fletcher hummed around their mouthful and Buck whimpered as they took most of him in.

Quietly, Fletcher delighted in Buck’s little sounds. His busted nose meant he couldn’t breathe except through his mouth, so he couldn’t stifle the pathetic little moans and whimpers Fletcher drew out of him. Buck’s thighs trembled beneath him, and he was making such sweet little gasps and sobs of pleasure. Fletcher was pleased to learn Buck largely made the same noises being pleasured as he did being tortured.

Buck felt Fletcher’s hand stray underneath him, and he flinched when he felt Fletcher’s still-lubed finger press against his opening.

“W-wait- f-fuck, fuck-” Buck couldn’t form a coherant thought before Fletcher pushed a finger inside of him. He gasped, and Fletcher took his moment of surprise away from him, pushing his cock into the back of their throat. His thighs seized under Fletcher’s other hand and they felt it, indulging themselves by digging their fingernails hard into the sensitive skin there. Buck cried out in pain at that, and Fletcher used the momentary distraction to push another finger into him. Buck choked off a harsh moan and Fletcher backed off to tease the head with their tongue while they started moving their fingers inside him, gently scissoring them to stretch him open. 

The sound Buck made sounded - familiar, when had they heard it? 

When he was cut particularly deep, that was about the same sound he made.

 They grinned around their mouthful and prodded a third finger in. Buck was gasping and panting, desperate breathy moans with every breath he let out. His hips twitched underneath Fletcher, wanting to buck forwards into their mouth, wanting to press back on their fingers, wanting and needing and being too damn tired and scared to do anything about it. Fletcher pushed their fingers as deep as they could and then pulled back, pushing back in and letting their fingertips brush against his prostate. Buck’s thighs were trembling so terribly they thought the poor boy might faint. 

Fletcher rubbed the pads of their fingers against his prostate and sucked his cock down nearly to the root. At the same time, they dug their fingernails deep into his hip and raked them down his thigh hard enough to split the skin. Buck screamed, the pleasure becoming too much for him even as his scratches welled with blood. He tipped his head back, crying out as Fletcher swallowed around him, their fingers fucking him mercilessly through his orgasm. He shuddered with the aftershocks, his whimpers turning to whines of discomfort as Fletcher pushed him past oversensitivity. 

Fletcher pulled away, wiping their mouth with the back of their hand.

“That was fast. I guess it’s been a while though, huh?”

Buck flushed in shame, his hands reaching up to cover his face, and he turned onto his side, shuddering. Fletcher chuckled, giving him a pat on the ass that he flinched at like an abused puppy.

“There, we’re even, and I don’t want to hear about this shit again. Be up in time for dinner dishes.”

With shaking hands, Buck tugged his blankets over himself, trembling with exhaustion. Somehow he felt...used, even though it was supposed to be a treat. 

“Really? Bad manners, Buck. What do we say?”

Buck’s thigh throbbed where the cuts oozed blood. 

“Th-thank you..”

Fletcher smirked, the glint in their eyes the same Buck saw every time they hurt him.

“That’a boy. Sleep tight...” They closed the door behind them.

Buck somehow doubted he would.

[monstersandmaw]

I wish it was hot here,, we haven't had much of a summer cuz it's been rainy and miserable most of the time, and when it's not raining it's barely even hot and there's too many mosquitoes to enjoy the outdoors. At least it gives me an excuse not to do yardwork, lol

Ugh, mosquitoes are the worst, anon! And I'm sorry you're not getting the weather you want where you are. It can be so depressing, especially without seeing the sun.

I prefer rain to blazing hot sun though, but I know I'm usually in the minority. I cannot deal with the heat at all, despite my Mediterranean heritage! Sunshine is fine, like in spring and autum on those glorious clear blue days, but heatwaves like this are just... I hate them so much. All my garden plants are either dying or have already been crispified too, which is super sad... I think two of my little pumpkin plants are gonners, and the pots and tubs have all been burnt.

Hope you get some summer soon! It's only July, so you've got August still to go!

[halfgclden]

renoway for the ship meme pls

RENOWAY

Who is more aggressive in bed? - is this,,,, a question?

Lights on or off? - depends, sometimes will wants to look at reno when he REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED

Who does what chores? - will hates any food based chores he would rather eat off the floor than wash a dish i wish i was kidding but he’s cool with the scrubbing/mopping kind of work and Tell me that is not a man who likes yardwork. reno’s got all the cooking and dish duty and laundry and has to clean off the floor when will eats off it but also can u imagine either of them dusting? absolutely Not

Who gets babied when they’re sick? - if u think will doesn’t get man colds,,,,, and if reno didn’t Dote on him he’d Sulk More

Who makes breakfast? - i think meal times are completely irrelevant to them but will picks up food most of the time and reno is like another rat chef u might know

Where would they go on their honeymoon? - will says wherever u want baybeee i’m a magic man every day can be a honeymoon

What are their quirks while sleeping? - if will isn’t touching reno at all times he’ll wake up and hold him, other than that it’s the fact that they stay up for days and then sleep for forty hours

What is their favorite activity as a family? - [covers reid’s eyes] bdsm

Who is the stricter parent? no ...also it’s will if we count reid

Who would be the big spoon? - it Would be will but they don’t spoon very often

Who would wake up first? - reno but half the time he lies there bc he knows will is going to wake up if he gets up but other times he’s too restless

Do they have nicknames for each other? - they call each other will and logan

What happened when they met each other’s parents? - thinks about the only family member of reno’s that will has met,,,,

How do they apologize after an argument? - will’s never apologized in his life but if reno was upset enough,,,,,, he’d get reno food or a rock and then dig his fingers into his soul to release all the tension he’s holding in his body. reno has never done anything wrong send tweet

What would they be like as parents? no

Who is the better cook? - reno, will hates cooking Unless it’s over a campfire and reno’s pretty decent from living alone for so long

Who is more romantic? - reno but in a byronic way lmfao

What sort of gifts do they get for each other? - will normally gets reno rocks but also anything and everything he finds on his travels that he thinks he’d find cool (within reason, some of it is Will’s), reno doesn’t seem like that much of a gift guy but gives will everything so

Who gets jealous easiest? - this is?? pretty even? they both get upset when the other pays attention to anyone else for too long and if the other was flirting w someone,,, hard dislike

Who gets more excited for events? (e.g. birthdays, christmas…etc) - will’s so fucking bad at time lol, reno doesn’t seem like a big holiday guy either, but he gets really excited when will shows up to surprise him for his birthday

Who is the most adventurous? - they’re pretty even on this but in different ways, but also the same way? reno’s always up to tag along with will anywhere but will normally initiates it, and reno has tried every drug on the marker which will has Not

Who is the most protective? - okay they’ve both literally killed people for each other but i think it’s actually reno? he’s like will Can’t die but also i will put myself between him and danger Always

What would they have been like as childhood sweethearts? - sorry the word sweethearts is killing me but uhh them as kids?? u mean the scene kid circus boy and then the kid who loves punk music and the underground demigod scene? yeah they’d be the inseparable outcasts and as insufferably attached to each other as they are now

Song to sum them up? playlist but also from it The Horror of Our Love - Ludo

[ask-aph-baltics]

73. “Is there a reason you’re naked in my bed?” 😅😄🤔😏

[save water, shower together]

The unbearable heat outside had pushed Lithuania to cut his exciting yardwork duties early and forced him back inside his house. Tired and exasperated, he pushed open the door to his house and closed out the inferno known as summer.

After wiping his forehead with a cold cloth, Lithuania let out a sigh of relief and leaned over his kitchen sink, running some cold water over his hair, then pushed his bangs out of his face.

“Jesus Christ it’s so hot out,” He muttered under his breath, dragging himself towards his bathroom to freshen up and take a proper shower. 

He turned on the bathroom lights, picked up a clean towel, pulled off his shirt, and then continued over towards his bedroom to get the rest of what he’d need.

Lithuania ran down the list of everything he would need to take a proper, cooling shower and flipped on the light to his bedroom to grab a crutch and a fresh pair of clothes, but what he saw next almost made him jump.

Sprawled out across his bed, naked, was Poland. His attention entirely on his phone, the sounds of a random TED talk filling the room. He was so into it he jumped when the light flicked on and immediately turned his head towards Lithuania. 

“Sup?” Poland said, as if nothing out of the ordinary was going on, “sorry, I didn’t call before coming over, I just figured you wouldn’t mind.”

Lithuania stared at naked Poland on his bed and grimaced. “What are you doing?” He asked, not a tinge of emotion in his voice.

“Watchin’ Youtube.” Poland yawned out, clearly unbothered by his own nudity or being in Lithuania’s house. “This guy talking, he gave a really neat breakdown about how to find your purpose in life. Which was cool, ‘cus it’s easy to forget.”

Lithuania tilted his head, “Okay...” He let out a deep sigh, “Is there a reason you’re naked in my bed?”

“It’s hot and I’m tired and why wear clothes when I don’t need to. I’ve humility but like, you’re the only one here so...” Poland shrugged as his voice trailed off and his attention went back to the phone screen, “that’s about it.”

“Don’t you have your own bed, in your own house, in your own country?” Lithuania bit his tongue and continued to collect the things he’d come in for, “it’s a bit jarring, but I suppose since you’re here you can lend me a hand this evening.”

Poland sat up, putting his focus back on Lithuania, “cool. I was totally gonna go to Hungary’s but then I was like, nah, I’m gonna go to Liet’s.”

“I can see that.” Lithuania pulled some supplies out of a drawer and picked up his crutch, “is there something wrong with your own place?” He added, plopping himself down at the foot of his bed.

Poland shook his head, “well, I felt lonely, so I decided to, like, you know, not feel lonely, and since I know you don’t mind that muc--”

“It’s not that I don’t mind,” Lithuania grumbled as he started taking off his prosthetic, “It’s just that if you had called instead just waltz into my house, strip, and then lay across my bed, it would have been nice to know.” 

“I did call but then you didn’t answer so I decided to just come here anyways.” 

Lithuania sighed again, closing his eyes as he mindlessly went through the motions of cleaning the inside of his ‘leg’. “Well, then, how about after I shower we head out and get a take out dinner, or something of that sort. The only catch is, you pay.” 

Lithuania needed something out of Poland’s sheer desperation for human contact. He didn’t hate having Poland randomly pop in, though it was uncalled for, it wasn’t new. Poland showed up almost every month with some comment about loneliness. Truth be told, Lithuania felt similar loneliness, which tugged at him only out of the fact his other friends often had things to do or lived on the other side of the world. 

Not Poland though. Poland had the same craving and desire to spend time with someone, even if it would be hours of silence, just sitting in the same room, enjoying the feeling of someone else being there. In a sad way, Lithuania liked knowing Poland had those same, miserable feelings. 

“Deal!” Poland grinned, rolling down the bed to Lithuania, “but I got a question.”

“Hm?” Lithuania grabbed his crutch and stood up.

Poland sprawled out again, “I totally need a shower too, and you know, we can save water if we shower toge--”

Lithuania shot Poland a glare as he jammed the dirty rubber end of his crutch into Poland’s mouth, “don’t push your luck.”

With that Lithuania took his crutch back and took his clean clothes in his free hand, “if you need to shower, I have a garden hose in the yard. While you’re at it, you can think up a movie we can watch with dinner tonight.”

“Fiiine.” Poland rolled off the bed onto the floor and stood up, “I’ll go get ready~”

“Good,” Lithuania added, walking out of the room towards his bathroom. 

Lithuania couldn’t help but feel a bit of relief when he realized Poland would be spending the night with him, again. His original plans had been cut short after all, but he found comfort in knowing the rest of his day would be filled with some companionship, even if it was with Poland.

[geeseeeg]

spread this for the bad adults to see

i don’t know if there are a ton of bad adults on tumblr, but i just want to say, for the record, that there are a lot of things you should not do to your kid!

from experience, here are some of the things you might not realize you’re doing that really make your child want to distance themselves from you:

- you don’t respect their space i cannot emphasize this first point enough. i get super uncomfortable when people get too close, so i tried to set boundaries with my mother. they got ignored literally moments after i tried to make them. this kind of thing makes your child stay as far away from you as possible so that you can’t invade their space as easily.

- you talk to them about things that make them uncomfortable if you do this to them, they will purposefully spend as little time with you as possible. at least, i know i do. while there are some things that people have to learn, making them uncomfortable should be for safety and education purposes ONLY, and not done unreasonably often. if you make your child uncomfortable, your communication will your child will almost undoubtedly suffer from it.

- you do complete 180s on them my mother constantly goes from smiling at something her friend said on the phone to downright glaring at me the second i say something she doesn’t like. it’s frustrating, unnerving, and it makes me feel like i can’t talk to her. 

- you only complement them for your purposes this one doesn’t make a lot of sense at first glance, so let me explain. you might only complement your kid when they did something you wanted them to do or if you’re about to ask them to do something you want them to do. for example, my mom wanted to get pictures taken of our family, and had a clear idea of what she wanted me to wear, even though I didn’t want to wear it because it made me uncomfortable and wasn’t well-suited for the weather. i ended up wearing it, and the second she saw me in it, she complemented me on how pretty i looked, and then asked if she could do my makeup (which i have established many times that i don’t like). you should obviously complement your kid if they feel uncomfortable and you think it’s the right thing to do, but you should always give them an option to change the thing that’s making them uncomfortable. you should also make many efforts to complement things just because you want them to feel good about themselves, not because of any personal motive. 

- you project onto them as i’ve grown up, i’ve noticed how badly my mother projects onto me, and mainly me. she constantly talks about how “fat” she is (i kid you not, she’s probably under 120 pounds) and how she needs to eat less (she eats very little at breakfast and lunch), among other things. i’ve noticed that she tries to limit my food intake as best she can, and constantly tells me that i’m going to “get fat” if i eat a decent amount of food. (for the record, i am like stick thin and constantly hungry. my friends can attest to this, since i’m always carrying around candy). it’s so frustrating to see my mother ignore my needs for fear that i’ll get fat, which is not even something that i’m concerned about. in addition, her fear has caused my siblings to constantly joke about how i’m supposedly going to get fat if i eat lots of junk food, which i’ve never taken to heart, but is still very toxic behavior. (projecting is part of gaslighting!)

- you take away their choices, and you never let them have their way in my opinion, this is one of the most common things i see my mother doing to me, and it’s one of the worst. she’ll constantly ask me if i want to do things, and when i say no, she’ll berate me for not wanting to do it. if i insist that it’s not something i want to do, i get punished for it. my only other option is to just go along with it, causing her to believe it’s something i actually want to do. even though, at face value, it looks like she gives me a choice, i really have no say in the matter except for what the consequences are. please bear with me for this part. it’s a long example, and requires context which i give, but it reinforces my point. for example, i once was made to do some volunteer work in a combination of my least favorite circumstances (forced to interact with people i don’t know and like in the middle of a sweltering summer filled with bugs, outside, doing yardwork). i didn’t get a choice in whether i went or not. my mother was talking to the mother of a girl in the group who she wanted to impress. (for context, i had told my mother multiple times that i don’t really like her daughter and don’t want to do activities with her. my mother kept insisting, saying that it was polite since they had invited us over.) she asked me if i wanted to get ice cream with the girl afterwards (i had been planning on going home and taking a shower). i said no, and she insulted me and asked me why. i told her i didn’t really like the girl and that it was really bad timing, since i just wanted to go home straight afterwards. my mother then proceeded to call me a spoiled brat, and it led into what was pretty much a screaming/crying match. it was awful. i still constantly think about it. she took away all my devices. (this was early quarantine, to rub salt in the wound). when she left the house, i had to ask my brother if i could use his phone to call my dad just so he could hear my side of the story before my mother got to him. after my mother got back to the house, i tried to communicate to her that if she insisted i have ice cream with this girl, i’d like to do it at a different time. at least before i got all sweaty and exhausted (mentally and physically) from yardwork. she continued to insult me and tell me that i should have said that sooner, and when i tried to tell her that i was getting there before she started calling me a spoiled brat, she got mad at me.  later, when things had calmed down, i had not gotten so much as a compromise. i even tried to ask my mom not to call me a spoiled brat in the future, and she told me it would only happen when i stopped acting like one. whatever trust i had for my mother is now long gone because of it. 

- you only place worth on their achievements, and not their mental health i’m sure this is a super common one that adults do. this is so upsetting to children because it makes them strive towards an impossible goal, sacrificing their well-being in the process. i feel like i don’t really have to give an example for this one, since it’s probably happened to everyone. in my experience, this has led to me overworking myself and never being satisfied with “almost there.” by not placing value on their mental health, you are making your kid feel like they are only worth what they can give you. this is toxic. 

- you isolate your child this is actually a sign of gaslighting. your child doesn’t need to be completely isolated for this to be considered gaslighting. as long as you make it so that it seems that they can only rely on you, you’re seriously hurting them. your child will almost inevitably realize that you’re trying to manipulate them, and it will cause them to hate you. there’s a difference between this and fair punishment for bad behavior, to be clear. for example, forcing them to cut off all contact with the outside world for a long (at least a week) or indefinite period of time is isolating them. if you ground them because of something you did, but still leave channels of easy communication with people they trust open for them, congratulations! you’re probably doing it right. this doesn’t happen to me as much as i see it in other people, but it’s still really important to be aware of what’s fair punishment and what’s not. 

there’s a ton of other things, and if you have anything you feel like adding, please do because i know i didn’t get them all, but i couldn’t make this like eight pages long.

basically, doing these things to your child makes them feel uncomfortable around you. they feel like they can’t trust you, and that means that they can’t communicate with you properly. they can’t and won’t ask you for help. they will inevitably distance themselves from you. 

in addition, they will feel alone. their mental health and sense of self-worth will probably deteriorate if left unchecked. they will have lower standards for themselves than they should. that increases their chances of being stuck in an abusive relationship or just generally feeling unsatisfied. 

personally, i feel like my experiences with my mother have led to problems communicating-- with anyone-- as well as feeling on edge whenever i’m around her. i’m beginning to realize that, as much as i hate lying, i speak to her mainly in half-truths. i feel like she only knows her idealized version of me: a preschooler who adores her and clings to her every word, and who can’t and/or won’t have opinions of her own. it’s also become very obvious to me that i am not her ideal daughter, not even close, nor do i ever think i will be. i don’t talk to her if i can help it, and i make efforts to be near her as little as possible. i never volunteer to be alone with her, and even make special efforts to ensure that i am not left alone with her. i am entirely willing to allow my relationship with my mother deteriorate, and can’t wait to move out. 

here is a link to the 11 warning signs of gaslighting, in case you are worried you are being gaslighted or you’re doing it to someone else: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/here-there-and-everywhere/201701/11-warning-signs-gaslighting

i’m sorry the post was so long (and i probably definitely overshared-- oops) but again, feel free to add to this as you see fit