#like sometimes I really wonder if I'm just developmentally stunted because no one else seems to hold onto the things they loved as a child | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

twilight-good-yall-dumb · 7 days ago

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I'm realizing that the reason I feel so deeply attached to things I loved as a kid probably has something to do with the way I don't feel that attachment with my parents. Like yeah, I'm going to be devastated when the member of a band I've loved for over half of my life dies because he was there for me when my own parents weren't. And yeah, I'm going to feel ridiculous adoration for the woman who writes and sings songs about love and heartbreak who I've been singing along to since I was a child because she's shown me what love could be when my own mother couldn't set that example. And yeah, I'm going to love a cozy atmospheric piece of media because I felt comfortable living inside of that world when my own home growing up was never a place of reprieve. etc etc etc

#like sometimes I really wonder if I'm just developmentally stunted because no one else seems to hold onto the things they loved as a child #as much as I do #but I'm starting to realize that those things play a very specific role in my psyche #like there's a reason my brain won't let go of something that brings me this much joy #I need these things to feel whole #and maybe that's a problem or maybe it isn't #I've certainly felt the negative aspects of it recently #aka feeling like my own life was falling apart because a celebrity I've never met died #but also I'd rather have codependent relationships with media and trinkets and artists than with people who could genuinely hurt me #like if this is the way my brain has chosen to cope with that feeling of loneliness and helplessness #I'm fine with it #because at least I'm not seeking comfort/validation in worse places #I'd rather be a bit delusional about my hyperfixations than end up in an abusive relationship #and it isn't as if I don't find comfort in my friends and people in my life because I do #but I don't think friends can always make up for the emotional wound of parents who weren't there for you the way they should have been #also this is not meant to make anyone feel invalid for liking something just for the sake of liking it #not all of our interests have to stem from trauma of some kind lol #you are totally valid if you still love things that you loved as a child even if you had a perfect childhood #there's literally nothing wrong with that I'm just reflecting on my own experience #personal

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