#like some bad things to happen to them too but until the end of the movie there's nothing like it
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Alright, time to share my opinions about Veilguard!! I have both criticism and praise so bear with me as I jump from one extreme to the other 😆 spoilers ahead of course!
The game has a very rough start with the dialogue being formulaic and rushed and the characters overexposing. It feels like a heavy handed attempt at summarizing all of previous games' lore for newcomers or in case you forgot but it's so overdone it feels coddling and trivializes a lot of previous events. Luckily this gets better once all of the introductions are out of the way, though the excessive hints and clarifications continue until the end sadly.
The locations are absolutely incredible and very diverse!! This is a highlight of the game for me. There is so much detail and care in every map and there are so many of them. My pc is struggling to reach medium settings and yet everything looks stunning. The verticality of the maps is so imposing and the graphics have a very dreamy quality that I love. I also enjoy the maze-like structure to the maps, it's more linear but makes everything look a bit more intentional. The color and light direction was amazing, all the visual development really!! it has to be one of the prettiest games I've ever played.
When I started I have to admit it did not feel like I was in Thedas and it all felt a bit theme-parky, if that makes sense. A lot of previously important and established world elements that made Thedas what it is were overlooked or made irrelevant. But the more I played the more it started to feel a bit more similar to Inquisition, for better or worse depending on what you feel about Inquisition. But!! this also feels like a selectively sanitized version of Thedas compared to previous games. In it's attempt to stay safe and uncontroversial in some aspects it loses a lot of substance and it changes the tone. The surface level politics, ignoring previously established major societal issues and a tell-don't-show approach makes the world seem more simple and shallow with no grey areas to explore. ( the humor also falls flat and out of place often too, and WHY is everyone always smirking, enough!! godlike beings are destroying the planet please this is not the time for Marvel banter aaaa )
The pacing at the start is a bit of a mess. It is so fast it felt like jumping from one world shattering discovery to the next with no time to process. The characters also seem to underreact to important information and major developments. It felt like the game was rushing me through all this to get to the part of the story it wanted to tell me while I was still wrapped in my shock blanket trying to catch my breath lmao. I really like all the key story points they touched upon, I just wish they dwelled more on them to give them more narrative weight. ( though blaming every bad thing to ever happen on the Elves was certainly..a choice )
I think the writing could have used more subtlety in the first half and more boldness in the second 😆 but I loved the thematic parallels between Rook and Solas and how every quest informs the main storyline. I do wish Rook was given more impossible choices and put in more difficult situations that forced them to lie or betray their own to better drive the point home though ( listen I just love a Trolley problem!! we need more of those, I'm the Trolley problem's number one fan!! ) I feel like they missed the chance to put Rook in Solas' role and be as vilified and hated for it as Solas was despite their best intentions which would make Rook's regrets stronger and in turn make their escape from the fade all the more impressive and give them a better understanding of Solas to either use against him or earn his respect. The line 'they called me the Dread Wolf, what will they call you when this is over' from the trailers was so good I was waiting for this!! But everyone just loves Rook no matter what!!
But I feel like I stated too many negative aspects in a row so moving on to some things I enjoyed!
The characters were very lovable to me. The romances weren't as long or impactful as I would have liked but I enjoyed all the companion quests. Emmrich is a delight and his quest is so wild and fun. I loved learning about Nevarra and I was awestruck by the Grand Necropolis. The mourn watch was so interesting, it showed a whole new side of Thedas' lore I knew nothing about! and I loved Manfred! Davrin is so charming, he became a favorite. I loved his quest too and learning more bits and pieces about the Dalish was great, I wish we got more. Seeing the Wardens through his quest also made me enjoy them a lot. Assan was very cute too and I'm glad he was treated as an animal and not turned into a goofy Disney sidekick too much lmao 😭 Lucanis is hilarious. The fantasy Spain/Italy was a bit silly and off at times but he is very sweet! and I love the Spite possession, that was so fun I'm glad they kept him that way! Bellara is adorable, her first backstory quest made me cry and I just love a nerd! I wish the second part of her story was written better however, and she sort of devolves into 'it's hard, I wish it was easy but it's hard' dialogues too often sadly. Anaris and the Forgotten Ones' portrayal was underwhelming and anticlimactic which was disappointing. Harding is also very cute and her Titan plotline was the most interesting to me, I bawled my eyes out in her quest!! I love the dwarven lore of this universe I'm so happy we got more of it!! ( she also fucking died in my playthrough?! I was devastated what the hell 😭 'whatever it takes' WEUEUGHHHG I'M SO SORRY) Neve was a slow burn for me because of my choices in game slowing that relationship down ( saving Treviso I mean, perdón amor 🙏 ) but I love detective novels and she is such a badass I ended up loving her. Taash was unexpected, I didn't think they would be so young. The coming of age story was sweet, though I found myself cringing a lot too at the handling of it I have to admit ( and the Lords of Fortune in general, and the Antaam...and que Qun..listen- kajshfgf ) but I also enjoyed learning more about the first expedition and the Qunari in general despite the messy writing and choices. I also loved Antoine and Evka! and Strife! And I haven't even read any of the novels they are in 😆 also Mila!!!! and her dad oh my god and Felassan haunting the narrative!! speaking of haunting, I would have loved for Cole to be in the lighthouse too I think it would have worked well 🤔 especially with the whole 'reading Solas' secret diary' thing the game had going on lmao
Everyone seems to get along except for a bit of friction that is quickly resolved at the start, which is hmm missed potential? I would have preferred more tension personally. I enjoy the drama! gives me more to work with and gives you a better grasp on everyone's personality by contrasting values. I think they wanted to speed run a found family trope for the new hero to establish some emotional stakes early on but it ended up making everyone seem like a group therapy session instead. The group meetings also have everyone either state the obvious or repeat the same opinion or conclusion to each other, I would have loved these meetings to have more bickering, have people get mad and storm out and also get to listen to different takes on a situation. Make Rook struggle more to take the reins and keep the team functional, learning how to be a leader.
Speaking of Rook! ( who in my case has a northern British accent that I loved so much 🥺) They seem to have a very established personality. I was expecting more of a blank slate but I'm lucky that the personality they went for kind of matches what I would normally choose in a first playthrough. Though the lack of range in the choices is irritating and takes away some replayability and role playing potential. Rook is very supportive and selfless, I wasn't expecting this tbh! But it all made my Rook turn into the team's weird supportive necromancer mom so it worked out in the end I guess lmao. I can't wait to draw her!!
I was so overwhelmed by the amount of information we got about Solas and his past!! I was expecting answers but not these many and not for them to be such an integral part of the plot!! The game feels like it's about him more than anything else. His arc is the best written out of all. He is mentioned in every conversation, he's the main advisor and the narrative foil, you get to talk to him often, you work for him and with him and go into his memories it all feels so surreal to me lmao I love him so I'm delighted ngl! but also making the other Evanuris so cartoonishly evil makes Solas into such an obvious choice of an ally, god of trickery or not, that it sort of takes the decision out of your hands and makes some dialogue options and companions' opinions seem almost nonsensical. I have no idea how this game would feel to someone who absolutely hates Solas' guts honestly. I suppose I will find out soon enough 😆
About Solas' story, I loved it! I somehow also feel that I knew it already, all the speculation and theories that Solavellan fans were crafting for years were so accurate that it was all very validating. Even the wildest ones! Solas as the Maker, the elves spirit origin, Mythal giving him a body, the war with the Titans, the origin of the Blight, Solas being on your side as advisor, I can go on, we knew!! Also I have to mention this I'm sorry but they made him look so hot!! unbelievable. And the bloodied teary eyed pathetic look in the end ouurghhh I'm cheering and clapping!!
The romance conclusion was so lovely 😭 the Loki and Sigyn ending we deserved to such a mythological epic!! and open ended enough for all of us to cook!! and we got to see him fight and transform into the Dread Wolf!! and whimper and cry!! and bleed and love!! that's all I ever wanted, incredible we were really spoiled what the hell I still can't believe it 😭 GDL acting was brilliant as usual! the visuals were also incredible and exactly what I had in mind when I imagined where the story may go, the eclipse, the giant wolf, the glowing eyes, the Elvhenan ruins, the statues, even the hair lmao it all aligned exactly to what I've been painting all these years but better I was thrilled 😭
Solas backstory with Mythal also offers players that didn't romance him a chance to see him act out of love and show a side they wouldn't be able to reach otherwise and I think it was smart! also very tragic and sheds more light into all of his choices and words and his relationship with Lavellan too and the parallels and reversals and uughh thoroughly enjoying the emotional distress 👌
Pleasing both the Solas lovers and haters at the same time was always going to be hard with him being such a polarizing character by design and the world states being so different but I think they did a good job! at least from my side of things.
I think my favorite part besides the Solas related stuff was the Blight. I loved how horrific and gross and threatening it was! I've always loved the concept of the Blights and I'm glad it was such a huge part of the story in this game. I also loved Treviso!! has to be the most beautiful city in Thedas ahhh and the Necropolis!! the gardens!! Vorgoth!!! Kal-Sharok!!! I can't believe we got to see it!! and a Titan!!! the giant floating face of Ghilan'nain in the clouds??? and the huge archdemons and dragons!! oh and that warden dragon trap in the shape of a griffon?? and the giant blight tendrils!! the siege at Weisshaupt was outstanding!! and the floating panopticon castle situation in Minrathous uughh there is so much I loved.
OH I also enjoyed the Varric arc even though I saw it coming since the trailer it was still played well and it was touching 🥺
The ending felt a bit jarring to me in tone though, a bit too cheerful considering...the horrors. Over half the continent destroyed and most of the problems Thedas had before the game are still there. Veil in place and all 😆
But I had fun!! I'm nitpicking really, the conclusion to Solas' story feels very satisfying to me which was my main worry so I'm happy. It is a good game!! with a sort of soft reboot feel to it and aimed at a younger audience which is probably what they were going for? You can sort of feel the struggle the team went through during production in the way the target audience seems unclear sadly. I also can't help feeling like this is an ending, so much was revealed and resolved!! but maybe I feel that way because that is what I felt after Shadowbringers / Endwalker in FFXIV once my favorite part of the story was wrapped? They can always pivot to a new continent and expand on the world and cultures we know almost nothing about, but that is always harder to sell so I have no clue where they will go from here 😵💫
Anyway I'm still processing a lot of stuff that I will probably talk (and draw) about later, this is already long enough!! for now I'll look up how to get the artbook because the art direction of this game is fantastic!! I would love to hear your thoughts too really, I'm curious about the experiences of players who made different choices and with different tastes to mine!!
#dragon age#veilguard#dragon age the veilguard#dragon age spoilers#veilguard spoilers#da4 spoilers#datv#nips blogs#I don't know what else to tag this there are so many variants#this critique is about the story and writing mostly not the technical aspects btw!#I'm aware some of these changes are unrealistic in terms of cost and time#this is a review not a rant or demand really! or it's trying to be#I enjoyed the game and will be replaying it eventually and modding the hell out of it 😌
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Everyone's always telling Buck what he should do. Okay, sometimes he did ask for their advice, but every piece of advice he's followed through on lately has ended badly and everything they tell him to do he doesn't actually want to do.
He should want to do something if it's supposed to make him feel better, if it's supposed to be better for him, right?
Josh told him to bulldoze ahead and tell Tommy what he wanted. Tommy told him to re-enact his Buck 1.0 days and spend time with some indeterminate amount of people until he finds someone forever. Maddie and Chim told him to start dating again and also wait for the universe to bring him someone special; another someone. Hen and Eddie told him not to contact Tommy.
He doesn't want to do any of that! He wants to talk to Tommy, to see him, to get Tommy to talk to him instead of giving up on them and running away because he's scared. He wants to tell Tommy he loves him. He wants Tommy to know first and last aren't mutually exclusive. He wants to yell at Tommy, and kiss him, and hold him. He wants Tommy to apologise for breaking his heart and for being a dumbass. He wants Tommy to believe him when he says he won't do the same; well, he might be a dumbass sometimes - but he would never break Tommy’s heart. He wants to apologise for jumping ahead but also not have to apologise for wanting a life with Tommy or for being too much.
Since that first night Tommy kissed him, he's felt reborn. Not in some starry-eyed way that Tommy seems to think is fake and won't last, but in the way that he's shed the skin of past Buck upgrades and finally grown into his body, become comfortable in who he is instead of trying to fit a facade that other people would accept. Always too big, too much, not enough, never content to just sit in his self and be without his worries and insecurities moulding him into something else, something with a better chance of getting people to like him, love him, stay with him.
He’s never felt more himself or more at ease in a relationship that meant something to him than he did with Tommy. Never felt more wholly seen - the good, the bad, and the too-much and not enough - by his partner and adored anyway, wanted anyway.
Halfway through making swiss meringue buttercream instead of breakfast, he realises he's thinking about Tommy. His coping skill, as Bobby called it, has stopped working.
There's butter and sugar in the creases of his hands and nailbeds even after he hurriedly wipes them with the dishcloth over his shoulder. He can see it as he scoops up his phone from the charger and thumbs over to his message thread with Tommy, leaving greasy crumby residue on the screen.
i saw you bubbling
After it happened, after the Chief distracted everyone enough for him to grab his phone and retreat somewhere he wouldn't be disturbed, he'd stared at the space where the unsent message had appeared for twenty minutes waiting for the type bubble to reappear. Waiting for Tommy to hit send on whatever he'd backtyped.
Buck's mind had spiralled with all the possibilities and while it spiralled and he stared and waited he never got around to actually calling or texting Tommy himself. And then the bell rang.
He has time, now. He has things he wants to say.
you were going to tell me something an maybe i wont like what it was but just knowing you almost reached out is kinda driving me crazy bc i have a fridge full of baked goods bc everytime i think about calling you i bake and now i havnt cooked a proper meal in my own place in over a week bc i dont have room in my damn fridge to store anything besides chocholate chip bananan bread and baked alaskas
He wants to say: and it's all your fault! but that's not the whole truth. Buck played his part in this, set the wheels in motion that drove Tommy away from him. But how the hell was he supposed to know that? And Tommy should've known by now he doesn't really do 'slow'.
i'm not sorry for being too much bc i shouldnt haveto apologize for being myself
Screw it. Can't get any worse, right? Tommy's getting all of him whether he likes it or not.
i dont see you as some queer life coach or someone to fill space until someon else comes along
thats not who i am
i thought you knew me better than that but whatevr ig
i wanted to live with you bc i want a life with you bc i love you
i love you
i shouldve said that first
Send after send, typing like a man possessed, he gets out everything that's been pent up inside him since the shock wore off a week ago.
His chest is heaving as the adrenaline rushes through his veins. And his eyes sting. He has to blink away tears as he reads over the last message.
He never told Tommy. Tommy doesn't know. Maybe Buck wasn't sure that night Josh asked him, but he knows it now.
i wanted you to be my last
He still does.
i wanna hate you for giving up on us
but i cant seem to hate you
This whole thing would hurt a lot less if he could just hate Tommy for what he did. It would hurt a lot less if they could find a way through this mess, together, and come out the other side stronger because they know each other better and know they want to fight for what they have.
Real love is worth fighting for. Red taught him that. Real love isn’t found, it’s made. Old gay Thomas taught him that.
Well, Buck found Tommy. Or, the universe did. And he’s going to fight, dammit, because he wants to build a future with Tommy.
His vision has blurred with hot tears. Movement on his screen catches his attention from where his gaze had drifted over to the couch where Tommy had stayed to take care of him through his Billy Boils saga.
Tommy is bubbling him.
Buck’s heart lurches in his chest. His breath catches.
can we talk?
There’s a huff of something like manic laughter as he swipes at his snotty nose.
that’s what i typed
Hope blooms in his chest, sudden and bright and painful in the best way.
can we?
I think I owe it to you to yell at me in person
There’s a long moment where Buck tries to return his breathing to normal but its bated as he watches three little dots appear, then disappear.
Then reappear.
Then disappear.
Then:
I don’t want to give up on us either
Buck’s tears are still making his vision watery, but now they’re tears of joy. He did what he wanted to do - he reached out. And Tommy heard him.
He should take his own advice more often.
#bucktommy#fanfiction#911 8x07#fixit#.txt#s8!buck#evantommy#tevan kinkley firepilot#basically: everyone is giving buck terrible advice an dhe just needs to trust himself and follow his heart
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SPIT TO SEE THE SHINE
Vendetta Leon S. Kennedy x reader |18+ MDNI. DEAD DOVE: DO NOT EAT, KIDNAPPING, DUB CON, smut, age gap (reader is in 20s, Leon is 37) female reader, abusive relationship, implied alcoholism, stockholm syndrome, creampie, unprotected sex, vaginal sex, use of ‘daddy’ (not a lot), implied erectile disfunction lmao, victim blaming, fingering, implied physical and sexual violence, forced breeding.
Summary: life gets lonelier after 30s, the realization hits harder Leon and the way to cope with it is to get his hands on alcohol… too bad booze tends to encourage him to not be a good man - ending up with a younger girl in his apartment. Maybe it is a grave mistake, but Leon is just a man and who doesn’t make them? notes: uhm, this may be a lil bit self indulgent, sorry for that :3 I DONT CONDONE THIS BEHAVIOR IN REAL LIFE!!! reblogs, asks and any kind of feedback or interaction are really appreciated! :3
tags: @withonly-sweetheart
Mama has told you not to trust strangers, the concern was referred to the men, but your ears have never held her words for a time longer than a day. Nor did you remember her words when an attractive, older man noticed you and was nice enough to ask you out. That night was supposed to be a little date, giddy and happy jumping into the front seat of his car. That’s the last thing you remember. Eventually, you can not fathom how this happened - the day later your head hurt as you were forced to swallow the hard pill: you got kidnapped by your date.
The first month was insufferable and painful, slowly growing out of your ‘rebellious attitude’ and memorizing his body language like a child in an abusive household. His gaze is everywhere, keeping you locked up in the room when he is not present, a reminder to you that there is no free choice. The food, clothes, and your free time were defined by Leon’s mood and taste which… Liked to swing, creating a mess for you both, not knowing if he was genuinely ashamed of what he had done. You hated him, dreaming about the day when his throat would be sliced, painting your hands with red just to breathe in the air of freedom.
Mama knows best. No, Leon knows best.
Sometimes Leon is mean, without hesitation, sharp words can be thrown at you when he is drunk. Blaming his misery on you. Trying not to be affected by them, not enough to avoid some of them as they cling to your mind - circling as a reminder.
“You deserve this, what did you think a man would want from a woman?”,
“you are better dead”,
“you asked for this”. Did you actually?
Sometimes he is the nicest guy around here. Showering you with tenderness and care, trying to have a normal conversation, but not daring to look into your eyes. Ashamed probably, which was bittersweet and pleasant, but confusing too. Like a couple. You promised yourself to not change the way you feel about him, even if he is sweet. Not like you have a lot of options now.
Certainly, Stockholm syndrome wasn’t going to avoid you, it didn’t take long either. You aren’t special and Leon looked so lonely, returning after work mostly devastated. The expression someone would have had while grieving over something not obtainable. Not even daring to look into your face, ignoring you until his hands do not reach the booze - drinking himself until his mood changes to a handsy one. Physical or sexual. Sometimes both. And Leon is lonely, he told it himself once. Naturally or not, anger has changed to pity, while hate is mixed with something affectionate towards him. You can’t help yourself.
As someone has said - from love to hatred is one step.
So the routine has become clear after a month of staying here, sitting on the floor and watching TV while Leon is behind you. Big brother is watching you - no, Leon is watching you. Drunk or not, monitoring whatever is on the screen is appropriate in his eyes. Not for too long you were concentrating on the blue gleam coming from the screen, illuminating both frames in the living room, now like a natural thing for you both - his fingers end up in your panties to rub your clit in slow and lazy circles. His chest is pressing against your back, focused on your expressions and squirming. His calloused fingertips press harder against your sensitive clit, to hear your voice. Your body is the biggest enemy here - like a Pavlovian dog, reacting to his touch quickly and eagerly. The skin of his fingers is wet and soaked with your slick already, in no time, filling the room with squelching and wet sounds as your moans become harder to keep to yourself. Writhing and trying to shift away, but your body tends to become immobile most of the time - there is no fight or flight, just freeze.
“You look so miserable. It is reassuring, so cute too” In misery, together. His tone is the one someone would use for a dog. Always using that one with you, but you are not a dog. Not like you have any other choices right now, other than taking like a good girl and not lamenting.
If someone would have asked you, Leon is shameless with you, not the one to be shy after a bottle of whiskey, even if he can’t get it up sometimes. His fingers nudge your soaked hole, which aches for his attention. It clenches around nothing, pathetically and you disappointedly whine at the emptiness inside you.
“Come on, open your legs, be a nice girl for Daddy” Leon cooed. His lips brush over your ear, not giving you a chance to do this by yourself - forcing your legs roughly to part wider. “So much better now”
Your hips shift, arching your back as his two fingers intrude into your pussy, curling sweetly inside it to push them at your favorite sweet spot - to enforce more moans at every jolt of pleasure hitting your body. Leon likes that, watching you squirm and open your mouth like a fish desperate for air cause of him. His grip on your jaw is tight, painful even - there are going to be bruises tomorrow and he will be apologizing like a madman.
“Daddy has been so miserable these days too, fucking Redfield is always hassling me.” You don’t know who is that. The sound of his hand fumbling with his belt and the fly of his jeans reach your ears, a loud noise of them falling on the floor. “Can’t even have a vacation, what would you do without me, baby?”
“Ughh…!” you choke on your moans. There is no thought behind your eyes, your entire attention is on your pleasure. Feeling overwhelmed at every thrust of his fingers, writhing in his hold while he is roughly pumping into your drenched hole, an uncomfortable wetness clings to your inner thighs - begging to fuck you already.
“Fuck, I am so sorry, sweetheart, but you are so wet. I can’t. Just the tip, okay? Sorry,” he groans breathlessly, giving hot and quick kisses on the side of your head. Sweet touch. His gaze darkens and his body presses harder against yours, feeling his erection press against your ass. “just… this hole is dripping, and you don’t look like you don’t want it”
You are so close actually, every thrust hitting your sweet spot, curling, and keeping the quick pace of his fingers make you almost drool while focusing on approaching orgasm. Too bad that isn’t on his to-do list. As much as he wants to see you cum, on his fingers or not, - his own pleasure is much more important, especially when his dick is hard. Whiskey dick isn’t so easy to get up these days. His fingers roughly withdraw from your soaked hole with a squelching pop, denying your orgasm. The emptiness returns and your sensitive pussy clenched around nothing again - aching to be filled again.
“So messy,” Leon mutters out, shoving his index and middle fingers in your mouth - forcing you to clean them, your tongue rolls and wraps around them, tasting yourself before he finally pulls them away. “asking for bad things to happen”
You can swear to God this made your clit throb. Wetter than you can ever be, or you are hallucinating, hoping this isn’t the case. Thoughts are quickly brushed aside when his cock is pressed in between your pussy lips, bumping against your aching clit while he rubs himself against your soaked and needy cunt that coats his flesh in your slick, lubing his length in it before he pushed his cock into you - Leon is not really a patient man. Yeah, just the tip, of course. Your velvety walls easily swallow his cock, stretching inch by inch with pleasant pain and letting it slide as he pushed in quick motion until his cock got buried deep inside you. Balls pressed against your flesh, while you can’t help but tightly clench around him, his chest is pressed against your back. Relishing how tight and warm is your pussy, the best and most calming feeling for Leon - to fill you with his cock for his own pleasure. Your hair gets tugged roughly, making your head roll back while Leon starts moving slowly. His cock drags against your walls, pulling out until only a tip remains inside.
“See? Only a tip” Leon mocks you, before slamming back in, bottoming out in one thrust. You whimper and squirm, but his hold on your hair is hard - the only way to keep you under his control. His hips start pounding into you, falling deep into the pleasure connecting your bodies. “Your pussy just feels so good, weren’t you made for this, mmm?”
His movements stutter as his pace slowens when his blue eyes make eye contact with the TV. You didn’t really catch on what was happening until his hand tugged your hair, directing your half-lidded gaze to the point of his interest. The sight of your image on the news, big words on the red background: MISSING PERSON. The former shelf of yourself is staring at you both, smiling brightly - not knowing there is no future for you. The volume is turned off. In this household, it is common knowledge that Leon doesn’t let you watch the news, every time getting agitated and avoiding you even more, when sober, which doesn’t last long after that. The mood swing was quick, every time it was like a loud thunderstorm, his hips make another thrust - cock hits your cervix and forces out a loud moan, involuntarily, when Leon’s cockhead grinds against it.
“This is bullshit, you know?” He hisses into your ear, giving another rough thrust to make you gasp pathetically, as he presses your head against the TV screen. “no one is coming for you. Why? Cause you are forgettable, baby, no one needs you”
“S-stop, Leon” you mumble in between moans and trying to keep yourself aware of what is happening. “T-too much, p-please!”
Your body feels like it is on fire due to the mix of emotions he provokes, your cunt grips his cock tightly while aching for your denied orgasm from before. His hand gives a hard slap on your sensitive clit, making you arch and flinch. Your pussy flutters, gripping him tighter.
“Shhh, I am doing a favor here” he mutters, yanking your head back, forcing you to look at the news while his pounding grew more erratic, intensifying wet and flesh-hitting sounds. His voice is loud in your ears, muffling other sounds, overwhelming as his cock keeps making rough thrusts into you with every word - to punctuate them. “Keeping you here, taking care of useless you that can’t do anything right”
He buries himself deep again, pausing again to relish in the feeling of his cock filling you, while your wet walls engulf him nicely - like a drug, inviting him to stay there and never pull away. Slick drips down your thighs, and his nose brushes behind your ear before nibbling on the soft cartilage. His hand gives another light slap on your pussy, the tightness of your walls almost makes him cum.
“Maybe a baby, what do you think about it, mm?” The idea makes him throb, sliding in and out more erratically. As if he cares about your opinion right now, his fingers tug your hair harder, but his words make you flinch harder. Tears prick behind your eyelids.
“No-no-no. You can’t cum inside, no!” He is not wearing a condom. Bad, too bad. Begging comes out naturally for you now, in between your moans. Fear coats your voice, as the idea sets in quickly - being trapped here cause of an unfortunate kid. “Not the baby! Leon, please! I’ll be good, please!”
“Of course, I can. Shut up. You like this” Leon hisses, keeping your head in a firm hold, so your eyes are set on the old photo. It doesn’t feel right, but you can’t stop yourself from making noises, shifting so Leon would hit a better angle. This somewhat combines with a shame, at every hint of it your mind shoves it away. “You can’t look at yourself, too bad. Dripping even more after my words, like a whore.“
Wanting to cum, focusing more on the pleasure of his dick filling your hole - feels so wrong, but good. Like your body shouldn’t enjoy how Leon’s hips keep pounding into your soaked cunt, hitting the pudgy spot and making you repeat his name like a prayer, but your own mind and body are the biggest enemy, betraying you. His own balls tighten, as a reminder of his so soon approaching orgasm.
“You love me right, baby?” Leon whispers, voice coming out breathy and brushing against your ear shell. His calloused fingers crawl back to your clit, flicking and rubbing it roughly and unsteadily. Trying to keep the feeling of that warm tightness sucking in his cock.
“I love you, Leon, o-oh!” you hum, nibbling on the lower lip and arching, letting more noises when his dick hits your sweet spot so sloppily and messy now, chasing his orgasm. And him circling your clit with his calloused fingertips makes your legs tremble - so close to tripping and falling flat on the floor. This makes your mind fuzzy, shoving away the fear of being pregnant. Leon is nice, right? Nice enough to push you against the cold screen of the TV, it doesn’t have its use anymore. That photo faded with the news, after all. “I love you, love you,”
Your voice comes out shaky and high-pitched now. His eyes are set on your disheveled look, with light traces of tears as you repeat the confession erratically, filling his mind with them. Making this normal, you love him, so he can allow himself to not feel so guilty, right? With a final and rough thrust, he buried himself to the hilt, giving chaste and soft kisses to the back of your head. Your body shudders eventually too, your walls spasm harder around him as the hard feeling of orgasm hits you, pleasant shockwaves dumb every bad thought in the head. His cock throbbed, letting a loud groan and finally spurting ropes of cum into you while keeping messy circles on your sensitive clit, prolonging your orgasm and making you more overwhelmed with every flick. The warm essence fills your hole, Leon pulls out his softening cock with a wet pop, watching how his sperm slowly oozes out from your pussy. His mind is light, the hint of booze keeps guilt from emerging.
Words of love don’t feel like a complete lie now, as pleasant memories overwhelm the bad ones. They become almost an empty spot in the back of your mind, leaving only a foggy feeling of hate and dread. And your brain is weak for the bliss, hammering every moment deep in you - craving for more. Hate won’t bring you out of this, maybe affection will. Your hand grips weakly his wrist, you won’t be able to bear the loneliness after sex tonight.
“Don’t leave me” Your mouth is quicker than your mind, not processing anything right now. Leon breaks out in a weak smile, but his gaze isn’t capable of keeping eye contact right now. Still, he scoops you in his arms without a second thought. Remaining silent, feeling your weak body in his hold he can’t help but pepper chaste kisses on your forehead. Trying to prolong the sweet and guiltless moment for you both.
You should have known better than to accept that date with him.
#leon kennedy smut#leon kennedy x reader#leon kennedy x you#leon s kennedy x reader#leon s kennedy x you#leon s kennedy#leon kennedy#vendetta leon#resident evil smut#leon kennedy fanfic#resident evil#leon x reader#resident evil x reader#resident evil x you#re fanfic#resident evil fanfiction#leon s kennedy smut
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Bittersweet ! 🎀
mdni <3 you’re here pt 5
series masterlist 💋
~ in which Ellie breaks up with you and you go a little crazy ~
ex! ellie williams x fem! reader , abby anderson x fem! reader
college au!
warnings: angst, break up, cheating,cursing, toxic behavior, smut in future chapters, sexual themes<3 feminine and girly reader ,not proof read!!
taglist: pls comment if you want to be added! <3 @elliessweetheart @lonelyfooryouonly @vamp1reg1rrrl @autisticintr0vert @amsxdoll @addthespaghetti @hemmo01 @elliecoochieeater @to-the-stray-dogs @undercuver @teenagemoonharmony @velvetcakegirlie
“meet me after practice?”
Abby asked you as she parked her car on the campus parking lot and opened the door for you, sticking her hand out to help you hop out easier you really didn’t want to be so down bad for her..but shit her sweet and caring nature definitely wasn’t helping that.
“hmm i don’t know..Ellie still has some things at my place and i want her completely gone by the end of the week. If i can’t make it before friday i’ll catch you at Jesse’s party kay?”
you gave her a long goodbye kiss with little smiles in between how can someone be so damn cute?? you asked yourself as abby locked eyes with you, still caged in her gracious arms slowly losing yourself in the ocean of her eyes. If you could you’d drown and die in them. If only
“i’ll make sure to see you before friday, doll..don’t miss me too much though”
both of you laughed as you hit her playfully, she let you out of her grasp and walked you towards your first lecture of the day, your best friend was already waiting for you at the door raising her eyebrows as you approached her. She immediately nodded the way Abby squeezed your waist as you said your goodbyes and parted ways in the hallway, her eyes never leaving you until you were out of sight.
“you’ve got some explaining to do young lady”
💫
you spent the whole lecture with updating her on everything that went down last night. She was always on your side as you explained what happened between you and Ellie, you were lying if you said that you completely moved on from her already of course not..fuck it’s not as easy as you thought it would be.
Even though everything felt easy with Abby, she distracted you in the best way possible, she had everything that Ellie didn’t give you, she made you forget how miserable Ellie made you feel but you still felt it crashing down on you the moment you separated. Ellie’s reaction to you hanging out with Abby didn’t help either, you were mad at yourself for letting her still have an affect on you…but you won’t let her get to you, she’s not yours anymore.
Still Ellie managed to trouble your thoughts as you got through your day, you decided to unblock her and sent her a quick message..you needed her out of your life as soon as possible.
get the rest of your things tonight, i want you gone
i’ll be there,love
you almost gagged at her text, the nerve she had using the cute nickname she’d always call you..well before dina entered the picture obviously. You felt bad for her, you really did ..you could almost see how Ellie gave her empty promises and sweet nothings…she sure knew how to make a girl fall in love..too bad that she’ll be the one dying alone if she doesn’t change her ways.
Luckily that wasn’t your problem anymore, you thought as you finished up your notes for upcoming exams, happy with your work and progress. You felt free, you’ll never have to deal with the pressure of being enough for Ellie or anyone anymore. Pride swelled up in your chest as you checked your makeup in your little hello kitty compact mirror. Maybe you were imagining things but you noticed your skin was glowier than ever..radiant even,your blemishes were clearing up nicely and your lips weren’t as chapped as before..they were pillowy soft as you rubbed them together to gloss up your lips after you reapplied your yummy strawberry lipgloss..it’s like your body was detoxifying from Ellie.
Your weren’t the only one that noticed it.
Your best friend has always been your biggest fan dang Abby’s been doing you good huh?? she was so right. She kept showering you with compliments the entire day, enamored with the way you carried yourself so confidently and secure about yourself. She desperately wanted needed to be like you one day.
Nora, Abby’s friend and basketball teammate, also asked about what perfume you were using because you smelled so good as you walked past her! Abby didn’t lie when she said that you smelled like a vanilla sugar cookie.
Some girls you’ve never talked to before asked you about your haircare routine while you fixed it in the bathroom. God i wish my hair was so healthy and shiny like yours! you happily shared all your favorite products and how to use them properly.
Your friend Jesse, who was unironically Dina’s Ex boyfriend from their high school years said that you look like you ‘picked up pilates’ in one of your shared lectures. Hey just because of my tracksuit?
“did you know that our exes are dating each other though?”
“don’t remind me, just saw their hard launch stories on ig”
he opened Ellie’s instagram account and handed you his phone to look at her stories, everything was full of Dina. She never bothered to post anything about you in the last years. You scoffed as you gave the phone back.
“Well at least we’re the hot exes”
Ellie rolled her eyes at your comment, she’s been creeping up on you from the moment you climbed out of Abby’s car, always in your shadows without you knowing, right now she was sitting right behind you. She really didn’t want to be with you..but she couldn’t exactly be without you either so you could imagine how excited she got as you told her to pick up some stuff that she left on purpose for this exact reason. She needed to see you, she needed to feel you. Rage consumed her brain knowing that Anderson could rip you away from her like it was nothing. She was physically with Dina but her soul was still intertwined with yours fuck..she remembers how she accidentally called out for you instead of her as she fucked Dina into her mattress during one of their many study sessions, at this point she was begging Ellie to break up with you for the sake of their relationship but she refused, only taking actions as Dina threatened to break it off if she didn’t end things with you immediately. So she did. And now? She was in shambles, a miserable wreck without your love and she regretted it so deeply. Seeing you so carefree and happy without her left a bitter taste of jealousy in her mouth. It wounded her ego even. Maybe she was slowly losing her fucking mind.
“Lecture’s over, Williams”
The professor shouted as he packed his things and left the room. Ellie was left alone in the empty room, she was so lost in thought that she didn’t even notice you leaving. Fuck it she’ll be over at your place very soon.
💫
You arrived at home in the late afternoon, your best friend offered you a ride home and dropped you off after getting a sweet treat from your local bakery.
text me after practice <3
you sent abby a quick text as you devoured the sweet sugary goodness.
There was still some time left until Ellie arrived so you decided to do some chores that you’ve been avoiding and changed into a fresh set of soft pink pijamas. You were starting to feel like yourself again and you couldn’t be more grateful.
ding!
you grabbed your phone hoping that Abby replied but it was Ellie instead.
here
you forced yourself up from your comfortable position on the couch to open the door for Ellie. You didn’t want to admit it but she looked good dressed in beat up pants and a white tank top, tattooed arm on display. Her emerald eyes glued on your figure as you lead her to the cardboard box you stuffed with all of her remaining belongings, hoping to speed up the awkward process.
“why are you so tense, love? scared of wanting me?”
her tone was mean and degrading, what was her fucking problem? she broke up with you not the other way around.
“Ellie just take the fucking box and leave”
she approached you, getting closer and closer until your back hit the wall unable to escape her any longer. Her hot breath hit your neck as she took in your sweet scent, her hands slowly found their way to your lower back, sneaking around your lower waist.
“tell me you don’t want me”
she whispered in that low voice that made your stomach flip, her lips almost brushing yours only a few inches away. You felt like sinking your teeth into the forbidden fruit..a short term sweetness that would rot you from the inside and kill you in the most painful way possible.
“Ellie don’t…”
your whined, suddenly unsure about your feelings towards her. Sure you hated her with all your heart but that doesn’t change the fact that she’s still hot as fuck standing right in front of you with her stupid green eyes and that dumb half up half down hairstyle you loved so much..it was messing with your head, you felt hot and hazy, light headed even. Fuck you were going to crack right there and then, just as you were about to give yourself to Ellie your phone lit up.
Incoming call from ‘Abby 🤍’
you managed to escape from Ellie as the sound of your ringtone distracted her for a minute, mentally curing herself out fucking hell she was so close.
You answered the call quickly.
“open the door baby”
oh shit
🎀
to be continued!!
#abby anderson#abby anderson x reader#ellie williams#abby anderson smut#ellie williams x female reader#ellie williams x reader#lesbian#tlou smut#ellie williams smut#wlw#abby anderson x female reader#abby anderson fic#ellie williams fic#abby angst#ellie angst
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(Original Idea)
@smokess
It’s been a few weeks since you first arrived in the Devildom. You’ve already made your way through a few of the rougher patches: learning the magic laws, getting used to demon food, and navigating the maze that is the House of Lamentation. But there are still moments when things catch you completely off guard, and today happens to be one of them.
You’ve just been called to the dining room for breakfast, but as you walk in, your thoughts are still buzzing from yesterday’s events. You’re trying to put together how you ended up in this bizarre world full of demons with their own customs, traditions, and... strange ways of doing things.
As you sit down, the brothers—Lucifer, Mammon, Leviathan, Satan, Asmo, and Beel—are already seated, along with Diavolo and Barbatos, who were visiting from the palace. The atmosphere is relaxed, almost too relaxed. They’re chatting, mostly about the latest human technology (Mammon is in a heated debate with Levi over the newest video game release) and general happenings in the Devildom.
But then, as you reach for your plate, your body betrays you.
You start sneezing, repeatedly. It’s not that unusual for you—back on Earth, you’ve had bad allergies before, especially in the spring. But here? You didn’t realize that it was possible for pollen from another dimension to mess with your system.
"Huh, bless you, I suppose." Lucifer comments, his tone a bit dry. He raises an eyebrow as you snatch a napkin and try to muffle another series of sneezes.
"Are you okay?" Beel asks, his voice sincere, though it’s impossible to ignore that he's already eyeing the plate of food in front of you, the steam rising from it. He’s always hungry, always concerned about food, and while you’re trying to focus on the allergy attack, his concern doesn’t help.
"I-I think it’s just my allergies," you manage to choke out between sneezes, your hand scrambling to find something to wipe your nose with.
Barbatos, ever the composed butler, immediately gets up and makes his way over to you with a tray of what looks like...some kind of odd, green liquid in a cup.
"Please drink this, MC. It should help soothe your reaction. We have a lot of unique flora in the Devildom, and they can affect humans in different ways."
You eye the drink with a mixture of suspicion and gratitude. At this point, you don’t really have any other choice.
“What... what’s in this?” you ask, sniffing it carefully.
“It’s a blend of herbs from the underworld,” Barbatos says with a calm smile. “Completely harmless. It should help with your symptoms. But you might want to avoid consuming anything too exotic until your body gets used to the local flora.”
You take a cautious sip. Surprisingly, the liquid doesn’t taste too bad, and within moments, your sneezing fits subside.
"Thanks, Barbatos," you say, giving him a grateful smile, but you're still mentally processing the fact that you might have to get used to demon herbs now.
“So, MC,” Diavolo begins, his voice loud and friendly as always, his large frame leaning toward you with genuine interest, “I wanted to ask, what kind of... ‘treatments’ do humans undergo back home?”
The question catches you off guard. You look around, noticing the brothers are now all paying attention—Diavolo's curiosity seems to have sparked a sudden group interest.
“Treatments?” you ask, hoping you understand the question right.
“You know, for things like... well, if you get sick, or need vaccinations?” Diavolo gestures, his enthusiasm barely contained. “It’s always interesting to hear how humans take care of themselves!”
You blink, processing the concept of vaccines. You realize that in the Devildom, none of these demons are likely familiar with things like flu shots or allergy medication... or even common human ailments like cold and flu. It’s a foreign concept here.
“Uh, well, humans get vaccinated—shots, you know, to prevent diseases? We also go to the doctor for stuff like fevers or injuries.” you say slowly, unsure if they understand what you're saying.
The room goes quiet. Then, unexpectedly, Mammon snickers.
"Wait, so ya all just get stuck with needles?" he asks, looking at you with wide, alarmed eyes. "Why would ya let someone do that to ya? Sounds like torture!"
You let out a small laugh, trying to explain it in a way they'd understand. "It’s for our protection. Without vaccines, we could get really sick from things we can easily avoid."
The demons all exchange looks of utter confusion. Satan looks thoughtful, though, his hand resting under his chin. “That’s... fascinating. So you just... accept being injected with something? No magical potions or healing spells?”
“Nope,” you answer, shaking your head. “Just medicine and stuff we get from the Earth. No magic involved.”
Diavolo claps his hands together in an amused gesture. “How strange! I wonder if that would work in the Devildom... Barbatos, what do you think?”
Barbatos, ever the pragmatic butler, raises an eyebrow. “I’m not entirely sure, My Lord. But I believe it would require a rather significant amount of effort. Perhaps we should stick to what we know works.”
You chuckle nervously, trying not to feel too alien. It’s weird being the only one who understands what vaccines even are, let alone periods, or allergies...
The conversation shifts after a while to other aspects of human life, which you’re not exactly prepared for. After some time, the talk turns to... well, other human customs—especially biological ones.
"So... do humans have... um... I don't know how to say this," Asmo starts, clearly not sure how to word it delicately. "Do humans, uh, have... ‘monthly’... discomforts?”
You freeze mid-bite, the word monthly hanging in the air like an uncomfortable weight. You’ve always been pretty private about your cycle, especially now that you’re in a room full of demons who probably know nothing about it.
“I, uh... it’s called a period,” you mutter, hoping the subject won’t get too awkward.
"A period?" Satan asks, leaning forward, eyes wide with curiosity. "Like... punctuation?"
“No!” you exclaim, mortified. "I mean... it’s a human thing. A... biological process." You sigh, trying to explain without sounding too embarrassed. "It’s a monthly occurrence where... my body, um, prepares for something it doesn’t need. So, it... uh... sheds the lining in the uterus."
The demons stare at you blankly. Even Lucifer, usually composed, looks momentarily baffled.
“And that... happens to you... every month?” Levi asks, horrified. “How do you... I mean, that sounds awful!”
You nod. "It can be uncomfortable. It’s like a... natural part of being human."
Barbatos, ever the tactful one, steps in smoothly, his voice calm. “It seems humans have a great deal to manage in their biology. Fascinating.”
“Right? And we’re just expected to deal with it,” you add, still feeling embarrassed but relieved that they’re not asking too many more questions.
Later, the conversation veers into a discussion about where you came from, your homeland, and your nationality. It’s a tricky subject, especially since most of these demons have never even heard of your country, let alone your hometown.
“So, you’re from Earth, right?” Lucifer asks, tapping his fingers on the table, as if contemplating the situation. “But Earth is so vast. How do you classify your people?”
You pause, unsure how to approach it. “Well, there are countries, and people belong to different nations. I come from a country called...”
The name of your country seems to hang in the air, but as you mention it, the demons exchange confused looks. They’ve never heard of it.
“Wait, so what’s that country like?” Mammon asks, genuinely curious. “What’s ya... currency? What’s the most popular food?”
You try your best to explain, but each question leads to another, and soon you realize how very, very different Earth is from the Devildom.
But as weird and overwhelming as this all is, you realize that these moments of confusion and surprise are part of what makes your time here so unique. The demons may not understand everything about you, but they're clearly invested in learning—whether it’s how to handle your allergies or what a "period" is.
And really, at the end of the day, it's that curiosity and willingness to understand each other that makes the Devildom feel a little more like home every day.
#x reader#obey me x gender neutral reader#obey me leviathan#obey me satan#obey me mammon#obey me lucifer#obey me asmodeus#beelzebub obey me#obey me diavolo#obey me barbatos#platonic#obey me lucifer x mc#obey me luci x mc#obey me luci x reader#obey me lucifer x reader#obey me lucifer x you#obey me mc#obey me brothers#obey me shall we date#obey me swd#obey me satan x reader#obey me x reader#obey me asmo x reader#obey me asmo x mc#obey me mammon x you#obey me mammon x reader#obey me mammon x mc#obey me beelzebub x reader#obey me beelzebub x mc#obey me levi x reader
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Love your stcmo!Ford AU! A couple fun questions: how bad of a condition does a Stanley have to be in before Ford thinks he needs to intervene?
Has he ever had a Stanley outright refuse all help - how did that go?
And, finally: surely several Stans wouldn't *willingly* relocate dimensions even for their own good...has one ever been transferred unwillingly then figured out he was in the completely wrong place, with a brother that isn't his?
Ford Intervening
Ford usually steps in when Stan is actively dying or going to die in the near future. Although there are instances where Ford gets involved to stop an event despite the fact that Stan experiencing it doesn't lead to his death. The simple fact that the event takes something from Stan -breaks him just that much more- is reason enough for Ford to prevent it from happening in the first place. But consistency is an issue since the future paths are always fluctuating until the person that the data is locked onto (Stans, in this case) makes a decision/has something outside of their control happen to them.
Stan Refusing Help
I feel like Stan would only outright refuse help if he perceives it as a handout or if he genuinely believes he deserves what's happening to him (and sometimes it's both). In this case, Ford would have to use his face to his advantage, since Stan's hurting but would still do anything for his brother. Ford would follow Stan around until he cracked, usually going into a rage and yelling at Ford as if he were his actual brother before breaking down into tears. Ford would then tentatively pull Stan into a hug, waiting until Stan stopped resisting the offered comfort and melted into it as he sobbed. After he clamed down some, he'd he too exhausted to fight Ford on booking them a nice hotel room for the night, Ford restocking Stan's supplies and getting Stan's car organized. Ford would pick up a warm meal for Stan before doing his own thing, trying not to look like he's hovering (he absolutely is). Ford would have to start a conversation, carefully feeling out Stan's headspace as his questions grew more and more personal. And, it return, Ford would answer as many of Stan's questions a he could. Ford would deal with Stan's Ford after they parted ways.
Unwillingly Relocated Stan
Unlikely to happen more than once, because Ford would damn well learn his lesson. If a relocated Stan were to ever even suspect that he's in the wrong dimension with the wrong brother, it obviously wouldn't end well. I feel like Stan might have a full-on psychotic break, questioning reality. It would be like the "Inception" movie, where Stan slowly shuts down until he eventually takes his own life. Of course, Stan wouldn't know how he ended up in the wrong place (thanks to the memory gun) but he'd just know that he wasn't where he was supposed to be. It would just be a huge mindfuck. That Stan would be one of the Stans that Ford 419"3 lost, Stan killing himself in a last-ditch effort to get home. And the Ford of that dimension wasn't far behind, having lost his little brother twice.
#gravity falls#side quest#somebody to call my own au#lore#ford pines#stan pines#stan and ford#stan twins#ask box
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tell me more about these OCs. What’s their deal. How’s life where they live. Do they have games on their phones
the 4 dipshits i drew yesterday are from one of the oldest oc settings ive got (they were minted from the forge of stupid fuckheads in the year of our lord 2011) (and i'm very mean to them<3)
so because it's so old a lot of my followers will recognize them or even be familiar with previous iterations of their story/lore... there's been like. 3 discreet incarnations of it by now. and 3.0 needs some serious aid so this might be 4.0 now. so basically things people know may or may not be canon anymore. i just go in there and sift thru the entrails like fnaf mangle when im bored its my toys
but basically they live in chess world. and they all hate it. and life is bad. because of the Forever War. we should put a stop to that. but the Powers That Be are very picky about the steps that need to be taken to End the Forever War so that part sucks too. also because its chess world everybody has a lil rank and title and has to go perish on the battlefield or whatever
yesterday''s posts,
these two assholes are flang (blonde) and kaitlin (has games on her phone). they're part of the group of 4 main characters with kaitlin serving as the "guy everyone gives exposition to" vehicle, because she just got here, because it's also an isekai (surprise!). so she owns a phone and has games on it but she can't use it anymore because there's no phone service in Chess World. sad!
her rank is king (she/her king W), which means she has a lot of responsibilities in a lot of areas--none of which she wants or really signed up for, but her fun new wife (the black queen) just kinda recruited her into it. in the setting, king/queen are primarily military titles, then government positions; it is not necessary to be royalty "by blood", hence these unruly (albeit rare since there can only be one of each at a time) pawn-to-queen and pawn-to-king promotions happening on the board. she also has a cursed sword that is surprisingly unrelated to all of that but it has magic powers
flang (they/she) is From chess world and has grown up in alabaster. her mother is a doctor so she is too. her rank is pawn. she has a lot of issues and almost all of them are because alabaster sucks ass to live in if you're even like 1% outside of what alabaster considers Proper. it's a "reasonably stable and reasonably safe" kingdom to live and work in, but that safety and stability is always conditional; it's only stable and safe if you're born 100% conforming to it or discard your existing self to assimilate into it. this has made flang a very precious kind of insane that hurts them and everybody around them all of the time. but it can be repaired by defecting from the country, scaring their family, getting a fun haircut, almost succumbing to a fever, and finally the tender touch of a lesbian who has games on her phone
the other two people in the Main 4 are aster (kaitlin's wife, queen) and erin (the other queen) and are NOT the people i drew yesterday (BDHJBGS)
this is aster and erin 👇
you can tell because they have the look of 2 people who have been ruining each other for like a decade now and arent gonna stop until they change or die
aster (she/they) is trying to kill the white king for Revenge Reasons and ending the forever war is just like a cool side effect for her. she's the one who got kaitlin into all of this mess which is complicated because on the one hand, she got kaitlin into all of this mess and is trying to strongarm her into doing things she absolutely doesn't want to do (like killing people). on the other hand though, being roped into all of this mess did pretty directly save kaitlin's life in the first place and somehow loops back around to improving her mental health in the long run. so who's to say whether big murder plots that only you like and want are bad to do or not
erin (she/her) is normal about that freak^ but is in a very bad position because aster getting kaitlin on the board and starting their big dumb plan is a very clear signal to erin that aster has already won, long before anyone else thinks that. erin doesn't really gaf about the white king but she has other things she cares about and is willing to die to protect. to erin, aster's victory means she's on borrowed time and it won't be long before aster will go Through Her to get what they want. there's a confrontation on the horizon where erin fully believes one of them will kill the other one. but also they're like in love. but also erin has way better gfs available. you understand
the two other bitches i drew yesterday are NOT in the main 4 theyre just some other freaks . this is zarni (short hair) and fal (blonde) 👇
faolan (she/her) is the white queen's bishop which means she's the piece closest to the queen--basically shes erin's right hand arm man. she's erin everything. her confidant. her best friend. her silly rabbit. (is that what erin calls her?) no.
fal WANTS to be all of those things and has a weird crush on the queen but erin never lets anybody in and that includes fal. but basically faolan is the bitch who's always in it for Rank And Power and has climbed as high as she can and is still vying for erin's personal approval and acknowledgement because nothing's ever enough for her. she sucks to hang out with and almost dies very badly but zarni has her back
zarni (she/her) isnt actually from either kingdom she's with the unrelated third party pirate faction that mostly keeps to itself and has its own squabbles and drama that doesn't really have anything to do with the Forever War. an outlaw... a GRIMINAL... she met faolan way back when fal was much lower rank than she is now. fal was escorting her to the capital to receive basically a slap on the wrist for doing crimes in alabaster territory and they kinda hit it off in a weird way. right now zarni is technically like. fal's hired muscle. her right hand arm man (henchman edition). but for zarni it mostly doubles as a convenient way to have free passage into and within alabaster, for her own sidequest reasons. she ends up saving fal's stupid life because unfortunately they care about each other now and it's embarrassing for everyone. but maybe it'll distract faolan from looking at erin just long enough for her to realize she needs a big strong woman to carry her off into the sunset and build her a cottage where she can fucking retire already. or something. one can dream
anyway that's the people i drew yesterday (and the 2 in the middle that i didnt even draw but i would feel neglectful if i didnt mention). ssorry for the long post i just love talking about my ocs and these ones are 13 years old so talking about them comes Very Easily To Me MDJBSBJGS
i skimped on details just to get thru the tl;dr basics but i hope it was at least entertaining (and if anyone has more questions after this i dont mind i know i skipped a lot HDHBJG)
to me this is an oc setting entirely populated by stupid assholes who are constantly ruining at least 1 other character's life in some way. and that's how they all save each other. and that's beautiful. godbless our beautiful gay chess soldiers
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Death and Time
“Why don’t you want me?”
Why don’t you want me.
Hey, Agatha, why don’t you want me?!
Before Agatha, there is nothing for Rio to lose. She is loss, the final end of all things. Nothing can be taken from her. All things die and so all things are hers. Until Agatha, and then, for the first time, she understands loss from an outsider’s perspective.
“And when I do die, a long, long, long, long, long time from now, I don’t want to see your face.”
Sure, she can do that. It’s not like she appears personally for everyone, though she could. Some people find their way past the veil without a guide. Some are ready for it. She picks the one who aren’t, those who feel their time has come too early, the ones who want someone to complain to or a long-suffering shoulder to cry on. She does her best to talk them around, but ultimately, one way or another, they’re coming with her.
Agatha will probably hurl herself past the veil and immediately start causing problems on the other side. She will never go gently into that good night. She’ll find the rules and then she’ll try to break them, arrogant creature that she is.
Rio misses her every day.
Or however long. She has trouble with Time. Not her domain. A day is a week is a month is a year; it all blends together.
Until she gives some to Agatha. Then she watches, unseen, and sees the hourglass tick down, grain by grain, until the inevitable end.
Which is, of course, her.
All she knows is that it has been too long. They did battle across continents until Agatha hid from her with dark magic and that hurt worst of all, the long stretch where she can’t even find the woman she loves. She doesn’t know how long it was. It felt like an eternity. It wasn’t.
When they were together, Agatha handled Time, mostly by being annoyed at it. Nothing has ever moved fast enough for Agatha. Rio doesn’t understand—there is only one thing to hurry towards.
And now that she’s arrived, Agatha doesn’t seem too happy to be here.
Too bad. This time she’s coming with Rio. It’s been too long (how long?). Death wants her favorite girl.
Only, Agatha is kissing her. Properly, even hungrily, and all she can do is let it happen.
How long has it been since Agatha kissed her?
Agatha’s mouth is so warm, exactly as she remembers, and Rio’s anger abates almost instantly, transmutes into something far more tender and adoring.
Agatha is so good at kissing her that it takes her some time to realize she has been cheated out of her prize.
She stands next to the grave. Agatha stands—floats—next to her.
“So,” she says. “I was thinking. Maybe we should let bygones be bygones. You know, dying really has a way of changing your perspective.”
If only. Rio knows her too well. “What do you want, Agatha?”
Agatha’s ghostly lips shape themselves into a cruel smile as she abandons the pretense that she isn’t doing what she always does, manipulating Rio’s fondness for her own gain. “Information. How does all this—“ here, a motion to her ghostly form, a bit of a twirl. “Work?”
Rio snorts. “How would I know? Ghosts aren’t mine. They deliberately defy the natural order.”
“Oh. Well, then. Ta, darling,” Agatha says, starting to fade.
”Actually, there is one thing I do know about ghosts,” Rio says, contemplating the grave.
“Oh?”
“In the end, they always come to me.”
Agatha considers that, then leans over and taps her on the nose, a whisper of something spectral against her skin that Rio has to work not to flinch back from, she’s really not the biggest fan of ghosts.
“Not the worst fate in the world. But I’m not done yet,” Agatha says with a wink and disappears.
Rio stands frozen for some unknowable duration, then shakes her head with a small smile. Agatha never fails to surprise her.
Fine, then. She’ll wait as long as she needs to—Time means nothing to the end of all things. Eventually, everything is hers.
And now she’s got something new. Hope—also not her domain—that by the time Agatha comes to her, her beloved will finally be ready to admit how much she wants Death.
For something cute, try the wedding
for something angstier, try jealousy
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Characters for the New TMNT 🐢
❥ Hello everyone! So this will be similar to my previous Kingdom Hearts posts where I’ll try to predict a few things for the future! It’s just for fun but I hope you guys enjoy! 💚
⚠️ Also quick warning, there are spoilers for the Mutant Mayhem movie & the Tales of the TMNT on Paramount! ⚠️
Casey Jones - Okay, so I understand there was a scrapped concept art for Casey Jones from the Mutant Mayhem movie. But whether Casey ends up being a boy or a girl, I really wanna see their friendship again! They always have good chemistry together, & I can imagine them meeting if Raph tries out for the hockey team at school! Jones is like the best player on the team so Raph has some beef. 😅 Not intentionally but I can see a rivalry happening (lol).
Karai - This was more of a what if moment but since the Shredder will likely appear in the sequel movie, Karai would be like one of those characters that turns good in the end. Likely because she never wanted to serve in the Foot Clan in the first place. It would also be cool if she went to the same high school as the main cast, either before or at the end of the film.
Slash - This character was also what if moment, since Slash is usually a small villain. But I really like what the 2012 TMNT did, making him a hero during his arc! I feel if he did show up in MM universe, I can see him being a bit of an antihero at first? Or some kind of mutated crook before agreeing to help the turtles out.
Mona Lisa - Raph’s love interest I feel was pretty underrated until the 2012 version but their own spin on things! She’s one of my favorite characters & I’d love see her again! For this version, I would like to see a human design since we haven’t seen that before! But then she gets mutated later on, & perhaps that can but a new story in the future? With humans getting mutated too at some point.
The Rat King - So, I’m actually not so sure for this one? I know Splinter was the Rat King temporarily during the Tales of the TMNT show. But I did see a post, unfortunately I can’t remember where 😅🙏, but someone said that Bad Bernie might end up being mutated? I can see that, especially since he already looks like a rat or mouse. And he did come back after the East River 3 Arc.
Miyamoto Usagi - Okay this was a lot tougher than I thought. 😅 I understand Usagi is like from an alternate dimension usually? And for a funny spinoff series, that could still work? But maybe more on the science-style of things rather than the magic side? Like maybe TCRI makes a giant portal & the turtles get sucked into it. Landing in Usagi’s dimension by accident!
Venus de Milo - I have yet to see the 90s movies but I’m still a big fan of Venus de Milo! She is so cool & I feel she’s a good contrast to the boys. I’m not sure if she’d be related to them or not, but we can stick with the cousin thing for now. Anywho, for her backstory, I feel maybe she was another experiment from Baxter Stockman? Or maybe TCRI who wanted to recreate his project but she escapes! And meets the turtles!
Irma Langinstein - So I only know Irma from the 2012 version of TMNT, but if she were introduced into MM I feel there’s a lot of cool stuff she could do! Maybe she’s a human friend April makes or she’s some kind of ninja turtle fan girl (lol)! But so far I’ve seen people portray her as a super smart kid & becoming best friends with Donnie, which I like!
#teenage mutant ninja turtles#tmnt mutant mayhem#tmnt headcanons#tmnt#tales of the tmnt#teenage mutant ninja turtle headcanons#teenage mutant ninja turtles mutant mayhem#mutant mayhem#tales of tmnt#tmntmm#tmnt casey jones#tmnt karai#tmnt slash#tmnt the rat king#tmnt mona lisa#tmnt usagi#usagi yojimbo#tmnt venus#tmnt irma
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no yeah i really love how every core 4 member got a real happy ending....except for ej
nini is happily pursuing music in la with her moms' full support
ricky is dating gina, a girl he calls "home". he's finally becoming more at peace with love and how to show it. he's learned how to not run from his problems. his parents are getting back together (???) and his drama teacher wrote such a good letter of recommendation that he was accepted into a community college
gina becomes a literal movie star and was able to change the filming location of her second movie, without any consequences, to salt lake so she can physically be with ricky, the boy she finally got to date after crushing on him since the day they met. she has a permanent home to call her own now. her mom finally showed up to an opening night and she was finally able to portray gabriella
and then ej...is alone (in a wildcat sense) at college, financially cut off from his family, working multiple jobs to afford it. he spends most of his season 4 screentime guiding and helping others (ricky, gina, miss jenn, madlyn) instead of an actual storyline and a lot of his lines were about how he's made mistakes and has to live with them
#um...ignore how nini has a singular sentence#but anyway#ej says that he's happy but compared to every other important character nothing happy happens to him#obviously you can be at peace with/like a less than perfect situation#but that doesn't make the situation good or that you don't deserve more than that#he's literally cousins with ashlyn#he has a connection to a main character and yet we hear nothing about how he's doing until admissions#hell his first mention in the season is terri talking bad about him to gina#and before someone says 'well he graduated already and this is about the students of east high so-'#lily was at east high for all of five minutes and she got plotlines INCLUDING dating one of the main characters#dewey freakin wood got an appearance in s4 when we're no longer at the camp...#jenn mike lynne and ben all have extensive storylines and they're adults#(and mike and lynne don't even work at east high like jennzzara! they're just ricky's parents !)#channing (someone who really didn't need to be such a big character) had a whole storyline in s3#even jarred had a storyline in s4 !!! AND HE WAS A STALKER !!!#can you tell i'm pissed#probably missed some things i'm going off of memory and rage#and it just seems like a poor writing choice to do nothing with ej until ep 5 when he was still dealing with his dad when s3 ended#<- something that could've been made into a storyline !! instead of just throwing it at us that ej was cut off#hsmtmts#high school musical the musical the series#ej caswell#nini salazar roberts#ricky bowen#gina porter#okay i regularly call them the core 4 so i think i've tricked myself into thinking other ppl do too...#tags are not as neat as i want them to be the thoughts just kinda spilled out but hopefully this all makes sense
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Hi!!!!
Do you have any hcs for how Alicole would try and solve and argument with the kids? Like, their dynamic (especially Aegon with Alicole cause he’s the oldest) is just so interesting and I’ve always wondered how an argument/disagreement would play out with them
ooh, tasty concept.
with arguments amongst the children, they try and get them to take a step back. they'll each take a kid (or two if it involves all of them) and give them a hug or something of the like, easing the tensions, before helping them come to some sort of compromise or agreement.
when it comes to non petty arguments that every child has, the source of issues amongst the kids is the following;
with Aegon they have to settle his need to compensate for feeling as though he is lacking. he tends to pick on his siblings when he's feeling down on himself. so it's a lot of affirming words and hugs while also chiding his cruel behavior. he's definitely hard on himself about being cruel as well, he doesn't like being mean it just sorta comes out of him when he's not in good spirits about himself. he shoves his siblings away over little things when he's upset which only makes him feel worse in the long run. the whole situation makes it hard to parent, as it's not right how he treats his siblings at times, but it's also awful how he feels and how it presents itself. there's typically long talks after the fact. Aegon's usually in his dad's arms, more often than not, while he mom comforts him.
with Aemond it's cooling his temper and frustration, deep breaths and grounding. they remind him that he can't let every jab get a rise out of him, that he always had them to turn to when he needs help, that he's not alone to handle his anger. they try and learn more and more each time, what triggers his anger, what helps him calm down, what to avoid, etc. sometimes he needs to just be held other times he needs a moment alone to breathe. they also try and help him learn how to self regulate and also make his siblings aware that he's getting upset prior to him lashing out (they also talk to them about it).
with Helaena, arguments tend to be because she thinks so differently from her brothers. not only is she a girl in a house of boys, but also because she's autistic (I was the autistic 'sister' in a house of boys for most of my life, it definitely brewed some unique arguments, and I'm gonna project god damn it), their ways of thinking and doing are so different sometimes that she just loses it. so with her, they let her talk, they let her ramble and decompress until she can ground herself, then they have to try and explain the boys point of views, how they see may not be the right way, nor is hers, neither are, but they have to learn to agree. then it's hugs and kisses and talking it out, before they go back to hashing it out with the boys.
Daeron's the most agreeable with the siblings, very adhd coded in my mind (so I'm going to project my brother onto him cause they're very copy pasted in my mind) so when he gets into an argument it's because he's going too fast, too passionate, and/or too much. so again, like most of their children, it's grounding first talking later. like Helaena, they have to explain that the way he is isn't bad or wrong, but that's sometimes we need to slow down, take a breath, cool off, and than continue.
with arguments they take their kids separately, normally separated into different rooms and they visit them together. depending on the exact situation they may just offer hugs and softness, or they'll play a slight game of good cop/bad cop, though they're careful with it. the goal is to solve the problem, not slap a bandaid on it. they tend to each kids needs before handling the actual issue at hand and then being them together to find a solution.
they can both be soft and stern in their own ways. Cole is typically softer on them, as he gets to their levels, takes them close while talking, but he has a stern voice and makes it clear he's willing to put a foot down if need be. while Alicent tends to be a bit more formal and stereotypically authoritative, sitting at the table with them, even if she holds their hands in hers and pulls their chairs close so she can stroke their cheeks.
normally the kids can make right up, or at least come to peaceful terms, but if it doesn't, cause kids can hold grudges like no one's business, Alicent and Cole are forced to remain wholly neutral which is much harder than one would think. most of their fights that lead to grudges are very childish so it's really just waiting for them to crack and realize it was a stupid argument. this is made easier when they don't get involved, so they just laugh amongst themselves where the kids can't see them, and try and keep face in front of them (they can smell weakness and betrayal. send help. a 4 kids household isn't easy). they definitely have moments where they wave the white flag cause one of the kids accused them of siding. the "get along" shirt is also an active and well worn member of the family (Aegon and Aemond share it often)
this video is very much Aegon and Daeron. they feud often. they're either acting like Aegon is a second dad to him, or they are actually going to war and have been sworn enemies for generations, fighting a battle to honor their forefathers (Alicent and Criston are so tired). speaking of Aegon being a second dad, he definitely oversees a lot of arguments between Daeron and his friends... does he understand little kid drama? no. is it entertaining as all hell? you fucking bet, he wants to hear all about what little James did at daycare.
when the kids are arguing with them, which with the way they run the house is pretty rare, but not impossible, they first take a step back for themselves. they will never show anger or cruelty towards their kids, so they make sure they're ok before they even think about talking to their kids.
talking will always be their goal, they never want to use threats or punishments to get what they want from their kids, and they have different ways about it. because their kids know how their household works, that things work on their time, and that just being open and honest, they really just need a day or two to themselves, if the reason for arguing isn't time sensitive, and then they can just take it out.
Aegon is sulky, he just closes himself in his room or flees to a friend's house (which they let happen so long as he leaves a note, leaves his location on his phone, and checks in every few hours) if its really bad. he'll drag himself back to the kitchen table in 48 hours tops, wanting nothing more than for his mom and dad to love him again (they never stopped).
Aemond is just frustrated past reason, so he'll go out and fence with his dummy or just something physical, then he's more willing to listen to reason.
Helaena normally had a boundary or nerve pushed, which was normally accidental, either cause she was already frustrated with something or something changed and it just put both parties in bad positions. space is all she needs.
Daeron is a bit of all the above. he's sensitive, though hard to cross, its often more about other things, something his parent did just broke the camels back, so a long run brings everything back to reason.
Alicent and Criston care so much about their kids, every argument they have with their kids, typically one-sided as they refuse to truly yell, breaks their heart whether or not they did anything or not. they never plan to punish their kids for arguing, they were kids once and they know that its good that they feel safe enough to stand up and fight for what they believe to be true, that they feel safe to shout and disagree with them. they would rather that over anything else, cause they know their kids trust them.
while they aren't permissive with their kids, their are rules and hard limits, they don't count arguing as something to be punished, and their kids don't tend to strand into punishable territories. so resolving a fight is a long talk at the kitchen table, no man's land so to speak, where all parties air their grievances. the problem is discussed, apologies are said on all sides, and sometimes it doesn't always end in a hug, but it does end in feelings being soothed and bridges mended. no one walks away with hard feelings.
they're not perfect, but they make it work, and because they've put so much time and effort into making their home safe and sane, the whole family in therapy, making active efforts to be nothing like their first "home" true arguments are far and few between, and when they happen they're equipped to handle it. Alicent and Cole are such good parents, their kids love and trust them, theirs so much space to talk and negotiate and handle issues early on that there typically isn't any reason to fight. I think that's what makes them such a good family, cause its so hard for me to picture them actually fighting outside of petty things.
#I genuinely cannot picture this family fighting#like petty things between the kids or teenage angst hurled at Alicent and Criston that they laugh about a few hours later most definitely#they wouldn't be a family otherwise#but I think that real arguments are rare and I love that for them#definitely strived to find the balance between gentle and authoritative parenting so their kids are well structured#handle all of their problems when they were little and now most issues are easy#cyclebreakers fr fr#they're also all mommy/daddy's girls and boys#all their fights are just big feelings that need to be rode out#Aegon yelling at Criston cause he's young and dumb and hurting cause he got his heart broken at school or cause he had to think about#dead dumb dad and his teenage heart is angry and he needs to put it somewhere? I think yes. I also think he cried in his arms a few hours#later and begged for his dad to love him again. cause they're hopeless#Helaena losing her mind at her parents cause she's just so stressed and everything'd out by the world and they just happened to breathe the#wrong way at dinner? again. I think yes. and she felt so bad afterward and goes on a whole vent about school and people and does some DPT#after letting them both hug her really tight so she could calm down#Aemond getting frustrated cause they're “babying” him over the loss of his eye and just ending up a sobbing screaming mess cause he's just#so mad at the world and he doesn't know what to do with himself#Daeron's head getting too loud so he gets super upset and disregulated and starts yelling in his room. not even at them directly until they#come in. he just loses his shit for a minute until he's tuckered out and then he's a mess in his parents arms#teenage angst is a bitch and the source of everyone's problems#alicole#alicent hightower#criston cole#aegon ii targaryen#aegon targaryen#aemond targaryen#helaena targaryen#daeron targaryen#pro team green#hotd
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terribly sorry for progressively getting more and more annoyed and tired with jn. this show kinda gets a lot more exhausting on a rewatch when you know its not going to get better
#i think what happened when it was airing was that like. it was the direct successor to sun and moon right?#and that was a show EVERYONE shat on when it got revealed. the setting the art change the shift to a goofier style etc etc#but then it aired and aside from some hiccups while adjusting the first few eps- sm turned out to be a joy of a show#not just for a casual watch- you can tune on most episodes without context and just have a pleasant time bc its a cozy show#but also if youre more into the battle scene bc this series kinda goes hard on them#and while the episodes had a goofier tone to them the episodes never felt like they were talking down to its audience#everyone brings up the deaths and how maturely they were handled but seriously- they didnt need to go that hard on the minior episode#and yet- it took fans a long time to really come around to it and stop giving it bad faith criticism#the most popular youtubers were finding every excuse to shit on it and mock the fans#so i think when jn was announced with another slight art shift and a different format- i think we all got a little defensive over it#like hey sm had hiccups too! jn just needs some time to grow into itself and find its footing#and we had no reason to think it wouldn’t. like there were some red flags like how mimey was handled and some clickbait episodes#but we got genuinely nice episodes back then too! the scorbunny eps were neat and ash and gohs intro eps are great#the pichu opening is REALLY strong and i thought it showed a ton of promise for the show#the leon and eternatus stuff was being set up#so i waited for jn to pick up and waved off a lot of criticism as bad faith bc hey. ppl were ruthless to sm and forgetting that we do have t#to work with the limit that its a childrens series. which is fine.#but well…… suddenly we’re in the final arc and its not better. its worse. holy shit did it get worse#episodes like the drizzile one were now the exception. not the rule.#most episodes that are pleasant on a first watch became an absolute slog on a rewatch#the ‘’fanservice’’ feels more like a marketing ploy than an attempt to respect the characters. the production value was a goddamn mess.#entire arcs went unresolved#so it gave me rose tinted glasses until it all fell apart at once for me at the end#but now i have the joyful experience of watching the whole thing through knowing damn good and well it gets worse. yay#echoed voice#jn lb
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ok. giving myself 4 minutes to make this post and then i finish my homework. i just am so deeply miserable. i really think i made a mistake. i should not be in grad school. i only took a year between this and undergrad and i am still so burned out and mentally ill. im working full time. im only taking one class and this program is supposed to be so good and aligned with what i want and all of that. but i just cant stand having homework. i just cant stand it. i think i am not cut out for academia even though i work in academia. i think i will never get better as long as im still living at home but i have to get better before i can no longer be living at home but i cant get better until im not living at home and every day i still live at home saps away at my will to live quite literally. i should not have started doing grad school without regaining my will to live. without restoring my love for reading and writing that i used to have voraciously when i was younger and less deeply miserable. without recovering from the burnout. i think i made a mistake. i need a masters degree so bad so that i can be safe but i need to not have fucking homework when i already struggle to get through my days without school. i feel so stuck in my life and hopeless and helpless. i dont know what to do
#purrs#i cant drop out or anything because. lol and this class isnt even that big of a deal like i TRULY am freaking out over nothing. but my life#situation is so bad rn bro like i cant get my parents to take me out to drive and i cant get myself to get my parents to take me out to#drive and every day i am guilt tripped berated etc etc and i feel like i am never ever ever going to be able to have my own life where i a#stable and safe and happy. it can happen for other people except for me and my siblings. i dont know. im not explaining anything well.#i just cant do this. i need to not have this one more thing on my plate but i have to because if i dont have a masters degree in my field i#am nothing even though everyone is telling me that isnt true and all of them are credible but im just so mentally ill i cant believe anyone#and icant accept any advice or hope or whatever good about me i just. am stuck. this is as good as it gets and its not even good.#delete later#that was 7 minutes not 4 and i didnt even write anything substantial. nutshell. i just have been so fucking depressed lately oh my goddddd#this is maybe too strong of a thing to say but like. i know it isnt technically neglect if i am an adult but... i think i may kind of be#neglected by my family in some ways a little bit and always have been but like. emotionally. like in the ways in which im never a priority#and the things i need are seen as burdens etc etc. and theres nothing anyone can do about it even myself because im an adult but like lol.#24 year old dependent moment <3#well there is one thing i can do about it as an adult actually. its called move out. but that requires strength i will#never possess unfortunately due to the inherent flaws in my character and constitution so. guess this is it lawl 🥰#side note (and i swear im done after this lol): i think i was doing a lot better mentally over the summer. funny how when the semester#starts i get depressed and the depression just gets worse and worse until the end of the semester 😻 funny how this is my seventh year like#this. willingly subjecting myself to this. that should be a clue no? but i love my job and if i could just have my job and be stable in it#would be happier but also im lying to mysaelf and i will always be unhappy but its because of my mental illness not my job being bad or#anything its like. i am just sick in the head with impostor syndrome and thats how i got myself into this whole mess. lol#well that and the not moving out thing which is partially my fault but also because i live in hell as described earlier! <3
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Just finished watching "all about lily chou-chou" i saw its gif set and it made me curious
it's... kinda disturbing there and there, i didn't read any synopsis or summary beforehand so i was totally clueless on what it was about.
...
It kinda makes me depressed, cuz the MC of this movie—yuichi— is a meek one in a group of a delinquent (but i feel like it's not really by choice, he just tags along and suddenly the friend he's close with becomes a bully) he's the weakling type that can't stand for himself or anyone, one that's in the lowest hierarchy. The kind that's caught in a bad cycle of choices and doesn't really have any choice.
But he's not innocent either. Before the delinquent group was formed, he stole a large amount of money. And then stole again after being a part of the group.
Part of me pity him, but part of me wants to slap him so badly and scream "get it together!!!"
At least until the end of the movie, until that particular scene appears—There you go, yuichi. Wish you'd done it sooner.
...
I was not prepared for the heavy bullying scenes. They're pretty disturbing and makes my blood boil. Kinda makes me question my morals too.
Overall it's good but not the type that I'll watch again. Tipe film yang cukup sekali aja nontonnya.
#lily chou chou#Japanese movie#one thing tho; i fucking hate those gals on choir. the one that bullies Kuno for no fucking reason but jealousy.#whenever they appear i really wanna beat them up#!spoiler! and when Kuno show up with her head shaved... my heart broke into million pieces(〒﹏〒)#!spoiler! she prolly thought nothing matters anymore after getting raped#!spoiler! i really wish the bullies get what they deserves#like some bad things to happen to them too but until the end of the movie there's nothing like it#i kinda gaf about lily herself lol; beside that yuichi worship her; the fans on the forum are nuts#!spoiler! i should say i was totally NOT prepared that hoshino will be killed by Yuichi#film jepang#nonton
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I love being the only not-cis person in group therapy, btw. Love it. I tried to bring up how dysphoria is contributing to my difficulty with mood regulation and like, absolutely no one in that call understood wtf I was talking about, lol. That weird, pervasive gendering of Cluster B happened last session though, and it was viscerally uncomfortable on my end, but everyone else in the fuckin' Google Meets room or whatever just nodded in understanding like that shit was scientific fact. Like it got fully bioessentialist up in there for a minute. Cis people are so fuckin' weird.
#our t#TT.txt#I s2g there's this weird cis-person gendered power dynamic happening too.#Because- okay. There are two liscenced therapists leading this group but only one of them does all the presentations & the DBT#aspect of this shit. DBT group therapy kinda half runs like a course. We're takin' notes and everything.#But this fuckin' guy I swear to god. He whittles on and on and does this thing where someone else - who is a cis woman#important to keep in mind here - responds with a very real and emotional epiphany she's having in the moment as he's talking.#Which is like- I mean that's just kinda fantastic to be around. Those are the parts of this I stick around for. That feels like *progress*#And he'll like- I don't even know how to explain this. He agrees that what she's talking about is important but then he'll start rambling#about how what she JUST SAID usually IN TEARS isn't *fully* relevant to what he's talking about right now. Even when it very obviously is#I guess it's mansplaining?? I don't really understand the term mansplaining as a hard concept <- learning disability#But it definitely feels like smth related to mansplaining.#I dunno. I'm gonna continue this until the end bc I need these tools but goddamn I would ask to be reassigned if I had that guy alone#He just Presents[tm] it never actually feels like progress happens unless he's Presenting The Material. It's kinda weird to be around#And it's just like. My queerness is very obviously being carefully tiptoed around. And it's not like I'm not clocky y'know#Lets just say thank god I also go by they/them. Seems like its the ''most comfortable'' set for these people to use 🙄#Yes I am still judging them for that. Cis people need to rack up a good ally score before they can usually Officially use they/them on me#Only other queers get that for free. iykyk#We're at the point where both he/him & she/her confuse cis people so. Which feels great most of the time but on the other hand...#And I mean dear god if we bring up any neopronoun I think someone would have a confused meltdown#I'm a lil too close in age to some of these people's adult kids and they've got bad relationships with each other I ain't taking any#fuckin' chances.
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biggering…… i miss you
#what we cld have had.#for the record i think hbcib is rlly good too. banger#but mannnn. the impact that going in that direction wld have had on illumination…. Tbfh#i think the lorax is an ok film i rlly like the songs. why dont illumination do more musicals. theyre all good#i likeeee the onceler. i get why ppl hated him being humanised like that but i like him#i think it works but not for. The Lorax.#i like the idea that even tho his family pushed for things and influenced him its still ultimately his choice#havent watched in a while (YET) but i think maybe cld be fixed by likeeee. just not having the family move in w him right away?#have him expand some on his own first and only bring them in to help once it gets too big for just him#OHHH ik they come bc. theres like 50 ppl who want one. everybody needs a thneeeddd etc#but still#he chops down the one tree on his own i think. but thats it..?#but i still think he just like. doesnt care. rlly. he seems happy w everything that happens up until the end#plus hes bad and i need him
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