#like sir that is not a human hip to waist ratio

[frownyalfred]

Bruce Wayne, tiny waist. Very grab grab'able. Thoughts?

In all honesty, I wonder how much tailoring this man is putting Alfred through. The hip to waist ratio is insane, and it's probably constantly changing based on how much muscle he's carrying for various missions/etc. He's probably going through waistcoats and dress shirts like nobody's business. Alfred's sewing in velcro straps and buttons to the waist of every shirt and suit just to stay sane. He's debating drugging and kidnapping a tailor to live in the Cave at one point...

[ckret2]

what do you think a human alastor and sir pent would look like?

I was gonna make a hilariously bad photoshop of a photo of jeans attached to Sir Pent’s waist but photoshop crashed on me twice so you’ll just have to imagine it.

My headcanon for human Alastor sorta looks like the art by @orias-art (one, two, three, four), with some @luminaxandra (link), @our-cautionary-tale (link), @alastarlie (link), and @esmeia (link). There’s also another pic I’ve seen with a longer-haired Alastor (kinda the same length as esmeia’s drawing) where he’s getting super excited reading a report over the radio like “and the latest news is... good golly! there’s been a murder!!” but I wasn’t able to track that art down.

With one exception to all of the above art, and this is something I haven’t seen anyone else do with Alastor yet: I like the idea of some historical accuracy in how he wore his hair, and in the 1920s and 1930s the style was greased up and slicked back. I like the idea that he had finger waves rather than a completely slicked straight style, but like, that’s mainly because I like how it looks, not because I think finger waves are somehow inherently more Alastor-y lmao.

(Guys also uniformly wore hats back then but I’ve never bothered to imagine Alastor in a hat. Just assume he did. I’ll pick a hat for him someday.)

My headcanon human Sir Pentious is mostly @hanekdraws (one, two, three, four) but also @artomicmuffin (one, two) and @gothamopossum (one, two). And like I wanna highlight @cxlin666 (link) for having an extremely beautiful human Sir Pent but like, he’s actually too beautiful for me to accept as Sir Pent, he’s like an anime vampire bishounen, he looks like a single-plot-arc villain who almost accidentally seduces Sailor Moon away from Tuxedo Mask. But like, I want everyone to see him anyway because damn, look at that. Gorgeous.

(Sir Pentious is the exception to my Characters Gotta Have Historically Accurate Hairstyles headcanon because he’s an eccentric evil genius inventor villain, he can violate gender norms & fashion norms and wear his hair however he wants, he has a long mane of hair so straight he doesn’t even need to brush it, he just sits up in the morning and it falls straight down, and he wants the world to witness its glory.)

Couple exceptions to how I picture him vs how he’s done in the linked art: I picture him with wider hips/thighs, closer to the shape he’s got in hell (although not THAT dramatic a waist-to-hip ratio—but like, closer to that than anyone draws him). There was a rash of “human Sir Pent with a bubble butt” art for a few days recently, which, y’know, fantastic, but it was a bubble butt attached to stick-thin thighs, so not what I’m picturing here.

And I always imagine Sir Pent had a bunch of snake motifs in his clothes before he died—snakeskin on his waistcoat or hatband or shoes, snake embroidery designs, casually wearing a pet snake around his shoulders, etc. I headcanon that Sir Pentious is the actual Super Villain Name To Hide His Civilian Secret Identity he gave himself in life, that he chose it because he loves snakes, and that he went all in on the snake theme.

The only reason his clothes aren’t covered in snake stuff in death is because now he is the snake stuff. Wearing a snakeskin vest is kind of weird when you are snakeskin, y’know? It’s like going outside in your birthday suit, except you’re wearing someone else’s birthday suit, so it’s even creepier.

(And on the other end of the spectrum, Alastor is like “oh, neat! deerskin gloves!! they’ll go with my deerskin wallet and rug and armchair and—”)

[mindfulwrath]

Fashion Disaster

For @thebulldogartist Taako tries to break it to Angus that his look is really not working. Words: 681

The kilt. Has got. To go.

It’s not that there’s anything heinously wrong with kilts in general, but honestly, the kid’s what—ten? Seven? How old is the kid, actually? Humans grow up way too fast. Do they actually age faster than elves? What—

He’s getting sidetracked. The kilt. Bad. Fix it.

The problem, really, is how to approach him about it. He gets so weirdly sensitive about the littlest things, like stealing his things, or losing that useless load of silverware. There’s no telling, maybe the kilt is some kind of inscrutably emotional family heirloom, too. His great-grandma’s tartan or something.

Taako supposes it could be made to work, but everything else would have to change around it. Including Angus’s waist-to-hip ratio, which he probably shouldn't mention. If he got a less tacky shirt, maybe, and better socks, and shoes that tied it together. . . .

Realizing he’s thinking himself in circles, Taako takes a page out of Magnus’s book and just fucking does it.

He squats down in front of Angus and plucks the magnifying glass out of his hand.

“Oh!” Angus says, in that persistently pleasantly-surprised way he has with everything Taako does. “Hello, sir! What’s—what’s up? Is there—is there something going on? I was just investigating—”

“Your outfit fucking sucks,” says Taako.

Continue on AO3

[angstandhappiness]

YES

Bruce Wayne, tiny waist. Very grab grab'able. Thoughts?

In all honesty, I wonder how much tailoring this man is putting Alfred through. The hip to waist ratio is insane, and it's probably constantly changing based on how much muscle he's carrying for various missions/etc. He's probably going through waistcoats and dress shirts like nobody's business. Alfred's sewing in velcro straps and buttons to the waist of every shirt and suit just to stay sane. He's debating drugging and kidnapping a tailor to live in the Cave at one point...