#like she might talk constantly

[bd-wlf]

Do you guys ever just feel your psyche breaking

[deoidesign]

.

[spiritsong]

There's something in this life left to live or, giving these two fools a soft moment because they deserve it. not gonna lie, I got a bit emotional when making this. I wrote something from Astarion's perspective to go along with it:

Once upon a time we pressed against an unyielding tree trunk, just like this. Once upon a time we hid ourselves in the obscuring night. Now, the moonlight paints your smile bright and boundless. We were not unwilling back then, though an ocean laid between us. I pressed my body atop yours and went somewhere else. How could I have known that you would follow me there? You were the one who was supposed to be under my thumb. I was the trickster moved by your silver song. You were the cradle that held me safe when all I wanted was to fall into the abyss. You were the gentle voice that beckoned, Open your eyes. See what could be if you loosened that white-knuckled grip you keep on your fear. Sometimes I find myself slipping into the old movements — a flutter of lashes, a dangerous smile — and then I remember. I remember that you were with me at my darkest and ugliest and most utterly heartbroken, and still you told me, It is an honor to witness you. It is a privilege to be by your side. And I let that ancient rhythm fall away. I was free to walk off that tired path, and now, everything is new. How will life surprise me when I allow myself to participate? I was struck with wonder to know that there are people in this world like you. Could you have ever guessed we would end up here, back when we were strangers on the hillside? I didn't have the strength to imagine it. Now, I find myself thinking: Where will we end up tomorrow? What wonders will we behold? There will be such love and such joy, and such hardship to balance it. But for the first time, I feel I am courageous enough to face it, because I am not alone anymore. I will be with you here, beneath this moonlight, beneath this canopy. And afterwards, I hope you will imagine with me all the life we have left to live.

[lynxfrost13]

I think about Officer Yeong and I want to scream and eat drywall she is EVERYTHING to me

[lavernius]

Brown Team/1A doodles of the week. ^_^

[captaindeinony]

Pokemas canon but

[helenofblackthorns]

it just hit me how much information we are currently waiting to learn from CC, information that could be dropped any day now. like we're going to get what was supposed to be the second February newsletter, her release schedule for the foreseeable future specifically tlkof's release date, the first kickstarter shipment with sobh, the cover for better in black + more information about it in general, new flower cards, more teasers for twp probably all soon!! like in the next few months all this will likely be revealed that's so crazy

[justaz]

okay but have we considered morgana x freya?? two women who believed themselves to be monsters, hunted by the same man and his loyal followers, cursed, doomed to death the moment someone finds them out, alone. they wish for freedom, somewhere where they can be themselves, where they dont have to hide, where they can embrace their power and who they are without fear or without harming anyone.

[californiaquail]

just learned that one of the two people who i could call friends here fucking got married a couple weeks ago and the one other person (the one i lived on the same property with for 15 months) was there and even though i have seen her since it happened neither of them told me about this. and they have also regularly been hanging out without ever inviting me. obviously i don't need to be involved in everything but you never asked if i wanted to hang out even once even though i said multiple times hey we should all hang out sometime. ok 👍🏻

[stupidrant]

i think the most we will get is PC release (if that) this year but that means we gotta deal with those trolls bc changing angrb0da’s skin color is such a big deal to these mfs and i still dont understand that sweet baby inc shit bcuz all the information im seeing is just bundled bullshit LMFAOOO i feel like her actual character gets overshadowed by the made up problems and no one actually talks abt HER as a character or even analyses her fr (outside of here ofc) lol sms abt to make a banger with her and atreus istg

[psychedelic-ink]

man living with toxic relatives really is the worst, you come home and you just deal with more bullshit when you should be relaxing

[royalreef]

@infernalpursuit inquired: how does your muse react when they're scared? does it change, depending on what is currenly scaring them?

(( Oh, absolutely it depends on what's currently scaring her!

The thing you have to understand about Miranda is that she's less of a person, in the sense that her personality and reactions are organic and naturally occurring, and moreso that she's someone who has been so intensely groomed and micro-managed and pushed in such a specific direction that a lot of the way that she is is entirely on purpose.

Her personality isn't really a natural product of her birth nor her circumstance in the same way someone else's personality might be. It's more like... There's no way that people can go through something like what she had gone through and not turn out in a very similar way to her. It's a designed process in this way, something that very intentionally obliterates any other chance to be anything else, and makes becoming this highly specific mold of a person into a life-or-death matter, something that you can't will or whim or nature your way out of. Miranda is the way that she is because she's been intentionally ground down and shredded into the person that she is. She doesn't really have a concrete sense of self. She doesn't even really know who she is. She's not supposed to, she's just supposed to be a means to serve a singular purpose and a singular end, and all she even can comprehend doing is that purpose.

Fear is a major part of this process, this total obliteration of any other mere possibility, but I also feel like it's a little disingenuous to call it fear in the same way most people would relate to it. It's the kind of fear that's so big and bone-deep and constant that it stops really feeling like fear at all, the kind of thing that Miranda herself has a very hard time of realizing that she's feeling even when it's particularly bad.

It might be more accurate to call it getting locked into a constant state of flight-or-fight. It's a constant existential threat where Miranda is sincerely and totally convinced that she could die at any moment and anyone could hurt her as much as they wanted, constantly living solely in the very present and unable to think of what even a short distance ahead in time would be like, because she just never feels comfortable or secure enough to stop thinking of the right now. She's what happens when the fear has been intensified strongly enough that it never dips below what would be debilitating for anyone else, and thus has become wildly detached to her own body, physical harm to her body, threats to her own life, or any escalation of fear.

This is, in fact, one of the things that I worry about disappointing roleplay partners with at times! Because their muse will act scary or try to frighten Miranda, and it just doesn't work. She just doesn't respond to the situation in a measurably different way than how she normally does, because she's under so much constant stress and strain and terror that it's not really any different to her than how everything else already is.

The only real times when she starts to show it, in fact, are places where her aversion and fear of them have been specifically cultivated. Miranda is a tool, and a tool doesn't break under expected strain, but you do have to be able to sharpen it and make sure it remains useful. You do have to take it apart to do maintenance on it, make sure it's working. The points where Miranda starts to actually, sincerely, show her genuine fear and terror, are during these points and in these situations where her aversion of them can be used to punish her and make sure she's being redirected in the proper direction.

In which case, Miranda's fear response is also highly specific and the only real option that other people who have gone through it come out with.

Mostly, she freezes up. She starts fawning hard. She lets it happen, over and over and over again until the object of her fear goes away, because it's going to be easier if she doesn't fight back or resist. She starts disassociating, disconnecting from her body and her thoughts, forgetting where she is or what's happening to her, because then she doesn't have to be present to register it and the memories are easier to repress later. She starts to people-please, trying to make the object of her fear happy and content them, because doing what they tell her to do and making them happy makes it not last as long. If she just does what they want her to, then they won't hurt her as much. If she just listens when she's told, then she won't get punished as much.

The end result is that she's very... robotic, in a sense. She does what she is told, to the letter. She will do what she is told, and she will not fuss or cry or cause any further problems if it also hurts her as well. She will be good, because the only choice other than being good is total obliteration. They should tell her what to do. They should make her do what they want her to do. It's okay that she's not there, or it's hurting her. It's even better if that happens, in fact, because then it's not as bad. She will not mention it after the fact, she will not hold it against them, she will not upset them again. She will be good. She was designed to be good.

Which, again, is part of why Miranda's fear response can be so inappropriate sometimes... Because she's been cultivated this way, because other people punishing her is so ingrained into her mind as a fundamental way of being, very often she will pick the seemingly much scarier or painful option over that cultivated social fear. She will happily hurt herself for someone else, and she will not be afraid of it, or be very upset at all. She will happily do many frightening things and deal with things that anyone else wouldn't be able to, because she's already locked into a permanent state of terror, and the only exception would be what happens if she doesn't do this. She's a tool. The only thing a tool has to fear is not fulfilling its purpose.

It's why she keeps doing increasingly dangerous things, too, seemingly without regard to her own life or death. Fear is an adaptation which allowed living things to avoid situations and things that were dangerous to them. Because Miranda's fear is constant and always at its peak, she doesn't register minor fluctuations to it, nor does she have it to try and get her to avoid things that might or will hurt her. It's also why her pain response is so bizarre and detached, and doesn't take very many efforts to avoid pain in general.

It also means, too, is that the potential for other people accidentally setting off or triggering this particular type of cultivated fear is very high, basically intentionally so. She has to be easy to control and redirect as needed, after all. If someone else gets close to her, gets her in an intimate situation similar to how she was cultivated to respond to punishment, then she can very easily get locked into a loop that they didn't know they were setting off. She's not in the state of mind to notice contradictions or try and correct herself, let alone notice if something is wrong, so nothing she can do can stop this from happening beyond general discouragement from those situations.

It just also means that it can be rather upsetting for other people when they notice that Miranda's immediate fear response, in wholly out-of-proportion situations, is to just sit there and take it without protest, even to the point of seemingly not reacting to someone nearly killing her if they do it in the right way.

[anotherpapercut]

I know several people who like LOVE seasons 5-7 (11th doctors run) and think the storylines and moffats writing are brilliant and I don't get it!!! what am I missing??? why does literally every single episode have the exact same stakes: Rory/Amy/the doctor is dead. forever. so dead. but wait!!! what if they aren't!!! why do so many of the explanations for why they're not actually dead feel so rushed like they were added at the last minute!! why does every single queer character act kind of weird and awkward about being queer!! why does the doctor casually say that women are inferior when no one's around!!! what the fuck!! hello!!!

[bunnihearted]

🍷

[moeblob]

Anyway today was bad and I failed fanart and it's late take OCs

His name is Nytis and her name is Elnae (I'm proud of myself for naming them so fast). He only calls her El and /has/ only called her El for years and he actually forgets her name isn't /just/ El.