#like seriously I be so excited to answer a question and its a mf asking for money

[ghostiidasponk]

can scammers stop filling up my inbox like I am an unemployed student drawing anime why the fuck are you assuming i have money ☠️😭

[primofate]

Genshin x fem!reader [Volleyball Team AU - Inspired by Haikyuu!] He introduces S/O to the team

Before you read this, might be a good idea to read the introduction first. To give you the whole low-down of the team and their dynamicsssss.

Other works in the Volleyball Team AU Series: Click Here

Scenario: You and him have been dating for a while now. Why does the team not know and what’s their reaction in finding out/when he introduces you?

Warnings: AU if that’s not your thing then don’t read, not proofread...as usual.

#1 Zhongli (Captain/Wing Spiker/Ace)

You’ve been dating for nearly 5 months at this point. Beforehand the two of you were close friends. So the team kind of already knew you guys were close, but you’d never met the team properly.

It’s not that he was HIDING your relationship, its that he didn’t want to pressure you into meeting his team. They could really be an overwhelming bunch of high schoolers sometimes.

As it happens he walks to the gym hand in hand with you one day, his other hand on his duffel sports bag, thinking that he’d be the earliest one there as always. 

But when he slides the gym doors open his WHOLE TEAM greets him “CAPTAIN!” and then there’s an awkward silence that descends as they all catch him with his hand intertwined with yours.

KAEYA AND TARTAGLIA LOSES IT. “C-Captain, you had a girlfriend and didn’t tell us?!” “You finally made a move on her?!” “S’about time!”

Needless to say they both get knocked on the head by Zhongli’s fist. 

Zhongli sighs and turns to you apologetically but you say that you don’t mind meeting them. He perks up and claps his hands to ask his team to line up.

They do so diligently. Kaeya, Tartaglia and Thoma are giddy while looking at you. Xiao and Kazuha have their mouth slightly agape as if you’re some kind of rare species. Diluc and Albedo stare you down. 

You introduce yourself as Zhongli’s gilrfriend and as you do so Tartaglia’s eyes dart towards Zhongli who has a slightly shy expression on his face. 

“Oh, oh question time!” Thoma raises his hand “Does the captain secretly eat sweets behind our back?” You haven’t even answered when Kaeya asks “Does the captain ever glare at you (he mimics Zhongli’s face) and say 10 Push ups NOW!” Surprisingly Diluc raises his hand too “...Is the captain strict with you too?”

Zhongli gets irked the more questions are asked and he finally steps in with an ominous presence. “10 laps around the gym...NOW!” 

He apologizes to you again but you reassure him it’s totally fine and they all seem like such fun. 

#2 Diluc (Vice Captain/Wing Spiker/Defense Specialist)

The vice captain is a very secretive guy.

Not even his brother knew.

It’s not that he was ashamed of you, he just liked his privacy and you already knew that. 

But there was this one time where he forgot his textbooks under his desk and you had to go and give it to him while he was at practice.

Shyly looking into the door the first one that spots you is Albedo.

“...Do you need something?” you tense up at Albedo’s question and shakily hand him the textbooks.

“U-Uhm... D-Diluc’s...”

Albedo tilts his head and turns to shout at the team. “Someone’s looking for the vice captain,”

Everyone stops what they’re doing and snaps there head towards you.

Diluc jogs over, sweat still fresh on his forehead. Without thinking he takes the books from you, small smile on his face and thanks you.

The rest of his team freezes up all thinking: “Hold on, is he...SMILING?”

You’re oblivious to them staring and give him a quick kiss on the cheek before leaving. When Diluc turns back his team is glaring daggers at him, he stares back at them. Doesn’t say anything, and continues practice.

No one is brave enough to ask him about it.

Tartaglia whispers to Kaeya “You didn’t know about it either huh?”

#3 Kaeya (Middle Blocker)

This MF would talk about you whenever he had the chance.

Y/N this, Y/N that, Y/N is so cute. 

Frankly the team is kinda tired of it. 

But when you finally visit one of their practices the team levels their gaze at you and think “Oh shit, he wasn’t lying, she is actually cute,”

Sees his teammates expression and brags even more. “I know what y’all are thinking. You’re thinking, OH! She’s actually really cute! Hm?”

Slings an arm around you shamelessly with a grin. “Back off boys, I’ll block all your attempts,”

Diluc is the one that walks up to you and you blink at him. Kaeya blinks at him, confused as well.

Diluc suddenly bows, “I feel sorry for you but please take care of him,”

The rest of the team either bursts out laughing or snickers behind their hand.

Their vice captain is low key savage

#4 Albedo (Setter)

The team finds out about you cause when they finish practice they find you waiting outside the gym.

Kazuha asks politely while the others look on “Are you lost?”

You straighten up and stutter a little, “Ah, uh, no, I’m...” You’re at a loss for words. 

Then Albedo suddenly appears from the gym doors and sees you. “Ah, were you waiting long? Sorry,”

Thoma tilts his head in question. “Albedo...Your sister?”

Albedo at this point was standing next to you already. “...No, my girlfriend,” like it was the most normal thing in the world.

Everyone is stunned into statues.

“H-How did you get one before me?” Tartaglia looks as if his soul had been sucked out of his body.

“Next time you can just come inside and wait inside the gym, it’s dark out here,” their responsible captain suggests and you’re amazed at his kindness and bow at him with a thank you.

Albedo doesn’t see what’s the big deal and just grabs your hand and starts walking away.

#5 Tartaglia (Middle Blocker/Wing Spiker)

The team already knew since the first date. It’s because he.would.not.shut.up.about.it

That particular day at practice his spikes were a tad bit stronger than usual.

“Oi... you’re getting too excited...” Xiao mumbles at him. Tartaglia just grins and scratches the back of his head. “Aaaahhhh... I can’t help it, I’m so nervous for my date with Y/N!”

A few more dates later he starts showing off his phone wallpaper to the others. It’s a picture of you and him.

Kaeya tries to piss him off by saying, “Huh, we’ve never actually seen her in person. Maybe it’s photoshopped,” The others snicker.

Is so pissed, asks you to come immediately.

You thought it was an emergency so you come into the gym with a worried look on your face only to be hugged tight into his chest. “See? See? She’s totally real and totally cute!”

Albedo crosses his arms and blinks, then looks at Kaeya “...You totally baited him, he’s such a simpleton.”

Kaeya responds with a smirk “Right?”

#6 Kazuha (Decoy/Middle Blocker/Wing Spiker)

The most formal out of all of them and even tells them seriously that he had an announcement to make.

Next day he comes into practice with you in tow.

Properly introduces you as his girlfriend. 

Everyone is wide-eyed at how official it feels. Then you suddenly take out a big container of fruits and tell everyone it’s for them (The captain doesn’t allow sweets, he thinks it’ll fatten them up or some crap.)

EVERYONE IS BLESSED BY YOUR PRESENCE and Kazuha is just enjoying you getting along with them.

Kaeya and Tartaglia try to whisper and bribe you into making cookies for them. 

Albedo and Xiao stares at Kazuha thinking ‘If someone like you can get a girlfriend, we can get one too, right?’

You offer to come back next time with more fruits and some secret cookies.

#7 Xiao (Libero)

Tried to keep it a secret because he knows his team will make a fuss about it.

The team finds out when his phone suddenly starts ringing in the middle of practice and he asks for a timeout to pick it up.

“Mm... Yeah... I’ll pick you up when I finish,” Everyone starts nudging each other when they hear him talk to you in an unusually calm and soft tone. So different from when he plays volleyball and gets angry at them.

By this point everyone tries to keep quiet and enlarge their ears to eavesdrop.

“Idiot... I won’t be late. I promised to take you out didn’t I?” 

Hearing their tsundere libero say something so sweet makes everyone combust.

When he turns back everyone is staring at him with smirks on their faces. “Hey, why not just ask her to come here?” Kaeya sneakily suggests.

Xiao blushes “A-As if I’d let her near you bumbling fools!”

He was worried it would scare you away, actually.

#8 Tohma (Pinch Server/Middle Blocker)

Literally no one is surprised he has a girlfriend.

It would be MORE of a surprise if he DIDN’T have one.

But they find out cause he left his phone out on the bench one day and there’d been a text message while Xiao was conveniently sitting on the bench.

“...Tohma, someone me--” Xiao looks at the screen where the message ‘I love you!’ is clearly written.

Xiao is so curious but is not gunna admit it so he nudges Kaeya or Tartaglia who might be sitting next to him and secretly motions over to the phone.

They read it and ask in a real loud voice “Oi Tohma! Who’s Y/N? They said I love you!” 

Tohma laughs nervously and since it’s already out he might as well introduce you. 

“This is my princess,” he says when you enter the gym to walk home with him that afternoon. You bow and introduce yourself and everyone looks at you thinking... “Ah, they look like the perfect domestic couple,”

Low-key everyone is jealous of how you dote on him.

Hello Hello! Technically this could be counted as fluff, but I understand that not everyone is fond of AUs, so, if you don’t mind being tagged to something like this, please fill in the survey again (I’ve added AU as an option, just click that one if you’ve signed up for the others before!)

https://forms.gle/VZmJXQssHcv7YzQc6

Please do consider supporting me at my ko-fi! I’ve fixed the payment link so I think you can love me more now <3 (haha jk, it’s optional, but it would greatly help and make me happy!)

https://ko-fi.com/primofate

Masterlist

https://primofate.tumblr.com/post/653296890583154688/masterlist-for-mobile-version-main-links

[ctrlemis]

𝐅𝐀𝐔𝐋𝐓 𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒 ⁀ awaken and find out what happens after like word count. 0.6k. warnings. none.

“3, 2, 1, ACTION!”

The cameras flash, signaling that the recording has started. Y/N, Asta, and Sebastian stand on the side of stge, out of cameras view. Next to them are Yujin, Liz, and Wonyoung. In front of the cameras are Hades, Nadia, Jungwn and Riki. They all look fantastic, and by the way Nadia rolls on the balls of her feet in her flats, they can tell she’s excited.

“Oh my, do you guys hear that?” Nadia asks her three co-hosts, feigning confusion. The other three, look around innocently, before looking at Nadia.

“No, what are you talking about, Nadia?” Riki bites, and as soon as he does, a sweet melody plays through the studio. Hades and Jungwon sway to the beat of it, before it stops.

“That’s the sound of music! Welcome to Sound of Music, with your MC’s, Nadia, Riki, Jungwon, and myself, Hades!” Hades says smiling.

“It’s our first day as MCs. Are you all nervous too?” Jungwon recites his script perfectly. Y/N can’t help but chuckle softly at how corny it is, because it’s almost somewhat cute. Wonyoung seems to think the same, because a soft giggle comes from her. Y/N glances at her, and when the tall girl looks back they look forward, heat rushing to their face. They ignore the way Asta elbows them, watching the four mcs.

“Now, we welcome our guests, three members of two groups here to promote their new comebacks! Are you all ready to AWAKEN and find out what happens AFTER LIKE?” Nadia questions, and Y/N’s mouth curls inward in order not to burst out laughing. “Please welcome our guests, Asta, Sebastian, and Y/N of ETERNIA, as well as Yujin, Wonyoung, and Liz of IVE!” That’s their queue. With the inhale of a deep breath, they follow their older members onto the stage.

“So, Liz, could you tell us a bit about what After Like is about? This is your third single album, correct?” Riki asks.

“Right, and you guys sampled ‘I will survive’ Right?” Hades adds. ‘They’re really good at MC-ing.’ Y/N thinks as Liz answers the question. In fact, they don't realize they’ve spaced out until Asta nips them on their elbow. He has good timing too, because Jungwon looks at them, ready to ask them a question.

“Now Y/N, in your words, what does this new album AWAKEN mean to you?” Jungwon asks them, staring at them intently. They falter for a second, his hard gaze burning a hole into their head. They remain professional though, smiling dazzlingly.

“Well Jungwon, in my personal opinion, AWAKEN is about waking up and realizing and accepting who you truly are, and being that person in whatever way feels right to you. To stay true to yourself, no matter right or wrong is what it means to AWAKEN. To choose yourself in the face of adversity is what AWAKEN means to me. I hope it can mean the same to our fans.” Jungwon mods, turning to Wonyoung as Nadia asks her another question about AFTER LIKE. As they mentally pat themself on the back for that answer, they don't seem to notice or realize that seconds before, Wonyoung was ogling them.

A/N. GUESS WHOS BACK, BACK AGAIN?? its crazy so many mfs ik are coming back and updsting today like damn am i the blueprint or what😁 jk but anyways i hope you all enjoyed this!! i had alot of fun writing this so yeah(btw its not proofread and im seriously sleep deprived i woke up at four am so please understand thanks you love)

SYNOPSIS. Wonyoung & Jungwon are more alike then people think. Besides the basics, like being the same age and both being idols, they both enough the same types of music, stan the same groups, and they both have a crush on ETERNIA’s maknae. Only two problems. The world is convinced they’re secretly dating and they both know that the other likes Y/N L/N

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TAGLIST. @jihyoscrown @lunaflvms @enloveclub @kange3939 @arizejkt19 @theandrogynisticcat @maiverie @enhypenslay @wonieleles

PERM TAGLIST. @coffeewon @soobin-chois @jangwonie @hiqhkey @bigtoewinwin @enhacolor @abdiitcryy @hseungi @chiyuv @seungstarss @strwberrydinosaur @sarcasmhadachild @butterflyy-ningg @simeonswhore

[certifiedceraunophile]

Hello! I’m your Klaroline Swap gifter👀 I am sorry it's taken me this long to reach out but I've finally gotten to it! I am excited to be writing for you and wanted to ask a few questions about your gift. Wanted to know about your all-time favorite tropes and side pairings? Any Caroline friendships you like? Any tropes or pairings you don't like? Any pet peeves with KC fic? Any smut preferences? Anything you especially want to see or any info you'd like me to know? Hope you have a great day!💖

Heyyy!! Thank you for sending me this ask, and please don't apologize, it’s all good 💖 I hope you're having a great day too! So I’ll just jump in and answer all your questions ✌🏾✨

I am so so sorry it got this long, like so long, I really tried to condense it, but I have no concept of short and concise so now I have to put this below a cut 😭🙃😭

All time favourite tropes:

[see here's the thing I dont exactly *know* what tropes are so I'm just gonna yeet a bunch of HIGHLY specific prompt-thingies that make me tingle at you and you can do w them what you wish- like take out certain parts you want to use, or base other tropes off of them anything you wish really, even if you choose to ignore all of them I won't be holding it against you dw!]

Ok so I love love the "I was just captured by the bad guys and very harshly uh demanded to sell you out, but I didnt, bc even though I might posture like you’re the scourge of the earth and would gladly see you dead, I in fact, do not want you dead and will therefore not be selling you out and will handle mild -emphasis on mild please do not hurt either of my babies too much- torture instead and oops! look at that, you just overheard this exact exchange where I stand my ground and refuse to betray you, and now you’ve gone feral over your loyalty kink and are spouting promises of never letting go of me, which honestly I cannot bring myself to be mad at."

I love love love the forced bedsharing trope which then leads to accidental cuddling, where one party [caroline] is just very very annoyed that their body sought the warmth of a cockroach fucknugget being [klaus] and the fucknugget party is just very very smug about being the other party's personal space heater, and nuzzles them and cuddles tighter and asdfghjkl I'm getting tingly just thinking about it, and like says w a husky sleepy voice “don't move” and cuddles closer. jfc please I’m a basic bitch with very basic wants.

I absolutely LOVE the "we work on opposite enemy sides, but now we have to band together to defeat one common enemy and honestly I am NOT glad that I constantly wanna throw you against a wall, and not all reasons for said wall-throwing are strictly to inflict violence on you."

I also LOVE the "fuck youre bleeding/hurt/injured and fucking hell I dont know why my hands are shaking while I attend to your wounds but god it is, and now I'm not sure exactly how deep you've furrowed into my heart and stuck yourself there like a dickheaded leech."

Now I feel like I have given you many tropes, but I also feel like i didnt in fact help you at all, bc I'm not sure these are uh tropes?? but anyway those are some highly specific...scenes?? I have a very deep bias for

[you obviously dont HAVE to write ANY of them if you dont want to]

And also if I had to give you a clear cut trope to follow, I absolutely LOVE the enemies-to tentative allies-to lovers trope, in which one party is just working really really hard to get to the lovers part, and the other is working really really hard not to get to the lovers part, but caves later on, bc really the fucker grows on you. [Featuring Klaus as the "high key besotted already pursuing Caroline"-person, and Caroline is the "I am very very annoyed w this wooing, but I am more annoyed this wooing is working"-person. And also, I like my Klaus E V I L, But really really really *soft* for Caroline.]

Also if by tropes you meant settings, Like AU's, literally anything works, I have a personal bias for Crime AU's when it comes to enemies to lovers, and Canon is the ultimate enemies to lovers AU, but honestly you can use which ever one you want, I am not entirely sure myself if I have a specific preference here, AH, Fantasy, Supernatural, Scifi, it's all good.

[I however am not extremely fond of Historical Settings]

Again you are not required to follow any of these tropes at all if you don't wish to, I just require you to have a lot of fun writing and love the beauty you write yourself first!

Side pairings:

Ok I LOVE me some Kennett [kol + bonnie] but I also LOVEEE kolenzo [Kol and Enzo], I also am extremely just *heart eyes* at Bonenzo [Bonnie + enzo], but I absolutely DIE for Kennettzo [which is OT3 of Kol Bonnie and Enzo]

Kalijah is also a-ok w me, and I feel like I dont have any other side pairings I'd like die to see I guess. If you choose not to go with these side pairings its perfectly alright.

Caroline Friendships:

Ok this I can answer without rambling like an idiot, I love love love love :

Bonnie + Caroline [like i love this so much it physically hurts me, they both deserve so so so much better]

Kol + Caroline [I will literally touch a frog, and I have a phobia of frogs, to have one full conversation w these two idiots]

Enzo + Caroline [Honestly enzoline brotp makes me wanna sob happy tears bc they are so perfect together]

Katherine + Caroline + Rebekah [bad bitch meets head bitch meets super bitch, what could possibly go wrong]

Tropes and Pairings I dont like:

NOTPS:

Kolvina, stebekah, delena, stelena, datherine, steferine, Haylijah, Marcel+Rebekah, Matt+Rebekah, Bamon, Kai+bonnie, beremy.

And I think that's about it? mostly I just hate elena stefan damon and hayley and I am not fond of them w anyone, I hate all canon Rebekah relationships, and I dont like seeing Bonnie with anyone other than enzo or kol.

Tropes:

I am totally not fond of the Kill Liz for plot reasons trope, like seriously killing Caroline's mom is not ok w me, but I am totes fine if she's like already dead as part of Caroline's backstory, just don't show me Liz dying in the story as a part of the plot.

Any form of sire-bond-y or like sire-bond adjacent or like any form of deal/bargain/agreement that gives Klaus even a tiniest bit of power over Caroline's free will and choices, is just not for me, like at all, no matter how well it's done, I can't stand it.

not fond of any form of prisoner/hostage tropes, like klaus kidnapping caroline or caroline kidnapping klaus and holding each other hostage and stuff like that.

Death as a plot point doesnt work for me? and really I'd prefer if there were no major character deaths at all.

Friends to lovers trope is not for me, childhood friends to lovers trope is definitely not for me.

I don't like any sort of redemption arc really, anything that starts with Klaus as a “bad” dude and ends with him being a relatively “good” dude is not for me.

Any form of infidelity, like ofc especially in between Klaus and Caroline is just [shudder] hard pass, but like I also hate it when Caroline or Klaus cheat on anybody at all.

Also all the tropes and like themes I'm not comfy w that I mentioned in my original Gift Request still stand.

KC Pairing Pet peeves

ok This I can answer easily bc I have like a FEW,

I hate a woobified Klaus so much, like so much, I hate all TO!Klaus characterizations but this one is the worst, absolutely not here for it, I am not here to feel sorry for this mf I want to feel really deliriously GIDDY at how evil he is and how whipped he is for Caroline, but like concentrating on Klaus's manpain is not something I really wanna read.

Caroline excusing Klaus's bullshit, or like being a push over-y “it's ok, I understand why you did it” person is not for me, bc she never was one to begin w, she never did rationalize or justify Klaus's behaviour, she always held him accountable and told him what a difficult son of a bitch he is every chance she got.

I don't like arcs where Caroline is Klaus's redemption? like Caroline bringing Klaus into the "light" or whatever I am not here for it, like at all, I like Klaus staying evil while being endlessly in love with Caroline, and Caroline being able to be w a man she knows is a selfish evil ruthless grade A asshole, but will literally also choke himself to death for Caroline, cuz the man is whipped as fuck.

I also absolutely am not a fan of arcs where like Caroline remains "pure" or whatever, like that's just not for me, I am totally fine, actually MORE than fine for ruthless Caroline who is willing to do deplorable shit to get to her goal and protect her people, like Caroline being extremely almost evilly pragmatic just gives me a boner, and pretty sure gives Klaus one too. Klaus "protecting" Caroline's so called innocence is uh off putting for me personally. And her remaining this pure white light princess of good and Klaus being attracted to the *good* in her is um, nope.

Smutty Preferences

Honestly I’m very easy when it comes to smut [and u totally dont have to write me any if you dont want to]

I do not like:

non con/dub con, anal sex, Strict and/or elaborate Bdsm themes, [light undertones are ok], drunk sex, sex that’s basically infidellity [like caroline/klaus cheating on someone else w each other] , gagging, choking, Extremely rough emotionless sex, sex as a bargain, or as a part of a bargain.

Smut preferences:

I like reading oral sex, especially Klaus going down on Caroline

light bondage like being tied up [either Klaus/Caroline I enjoy both]

Sex toys are really really good, like love reading Klaus using one on Caroline, or Caroline using one on herself and Klaus watching

I do have a special love for praise kink, especially Klaus being really just in awe of Caroline during the do and expressing it uninhibitedly

Dirty Talk is GREAT

I enjoy both Klaus and Caroline in a dominant role, but I usually love it when both of them share the dominance equally, I’m just not into “Yes master” and “Yes mistress” level of dominance. I guess the word I’m looking for is Vanilla dominance lmao.

Bloodplay is also great if they're vampires.

And Klaus and Caroline leaving marks on each other is *swoon*.

I love reading possessive!klaus and possessive!caroline in equal measure so really your choice.

Hot and Dirty sex with a an undercurrent of emotion and devotion, want and need and all that nice stuff is great!

But I do have a list of words I’m not really a big fan of coming across when I’m reading smut:

Any word for vagina that’s not wetness, or folds or lips, is squicky, cunt is not a problem, pussy however is squick.

Clit is clit; little nub, bundle of nerves, all of that makes the med student in me really anxious lmao.

Any word for Cock that’s not cock is squick.

Juices, cream, semen are squicky, I just prefer come or release.

Ok these are seemingly innocent words but moist, engorged, gaping, drooling, sopping are not words I like seeing in context of smut.

So yeah that’s about it, I know hi, it’s been what, eleventy bajillion years since the beginning of this ask, I am so so so sorry for being this difficult, and really, LIKE SERIOUSLY, except for my squicks you are more than welcome to just skip past everything else, since I’m not really that hard to please, as long as the no-no’s are not there in what I read and the dynamic I asked for is even just vaguely followed I will be really really really happy and really I just want you to have fun writing whatever you feel like cooking up, I’m superrrr excited to see your interpretation of my request!!!

[Also Please please send me another ask clarifying you got my answer and also telling me I haven't frightened you with this long ass rambling list of okay’s and no-no’s bc honestly I am just anxiously debating if I should answer this ask like this or yeet half of it and vaguely rewrite the answer.]

Hope you have a great day lovely!! I am once again sorry for being this difficult. ✨💖🤝🏾

[therappundit]

***The Top 10 Rap Albums/Projects of 2019*** are...

At the end of the decade, the rap music genre finds itself with a more splintered and diverse fanbase than ever before. What did that mean for 2019? A push towards different styles which was balanced out by a strong grassroots revival of jazzy, soul-inspired sounds that echoed back to the heyday of the mid-to-late 90′s underground hip-hop scene. 

In 2019, the lanes that travel more closely to what most would consider “mainstream” rap, struggled to find new inspiration without as much artistic direction to act as a template. This created a bit of a hole for some, as the absence of new material from Kendrick Lamar or Isaiah Rashad, or the disappointing reception to highly anticipated releases from the likes of Chance The Rapper, Schoolboy Q or Kanye West, left the gate open just wide enough to allow more Young Thug disciples, more aspiring Futures, and more cookie cutter “want to be the next Drakes” to flood your streaming platform.

But let us be clear: 2019 was still a great year for rap music because the underground feasted. Scroll further, and you will see that point made by my list of the best rap projects released in 2019 (and in some cases, releases that are amongst the decades best). I used the following criteria for this year’s list:

- the album/mixtape/EP/project/WHATEVER you want to call it had to be released by Dec. 20th, 2019 (arguably still way too soon to craft a well-informed review of an artists’ project)

- the project must have at least 6 songs (arguably still too small of a sample size to compare to lengthier projects)

- these rankings are a *combination* of my own personal preference, overall quality, and how the final product compares to other work from the artists’ peers that occupy the same lane/”sub-genre” of rap music

Regardless of how you feel about this list, I hope that you visit (or re-visit) any one of these pieces of strong work and find the same level of enjoyment that I did. I loved so much rap music this year and I could not be more excited about what the future holds. On a personal note, in 2019 I found myself even more in love with my wife, feeling luckier than I have in a long time, more satisfied with my hobbies and passions, and above all else, more in awe of my child (and anyone that ever raised a child) than ever before. I became a father for the first time in 2019, so as my baby daughter continues to fill my heart, I am beginning to wonder what she will think of her father’s love for this art form that has brought him so much joy over the years...I suppose time will tell.

Salute to these artists below and so many, many others. 🙏🙏🙏

Much love to all,

Jason, THE Rap Pundit

10. It Wasn’t Even Close - Your Old Droog

Your Old Droog is a unique, stand alone artist - I want to make that larger point perfectly clear - but after I finished listening to Droog’s trio of terrific projects in 2019, and sat down to right this blurb, on It Wasn’t Even Close, I thought of three people (and not the one you think I’m going to say!): Royce Da 5′9″, MF DOOM, and Joe Pesci in Goodfellas.

I thought of Royce because more than any other artists, I think Royce and Droog both get dismissed as “punchline rappers” because of their punchline-heavy rhyme styles, but both make incredibly personal, perspective-driven music (not their fault you’re not listening closely enough). I also thought of DOOM because YOD is able to create an insular rap world with his projects that incorporate fantastic production ranging from off-the-wall to bleak as hell, paired with hard rhymes that can be both dope af and laugh out loud funny - but without the gunplay and drug dealer talk. And why Pesci?? Because it’s not always clear when Droog is going to come off with a well crafted joke, or a painful reveal of the dark thoughts behind the man...but that is what makes him such a compelling MC.

Of his three 2019 albums (Jewelry is not being acknowledged here because in the holiday shuffle I haven’t had any time to sit with it yet, but I like what I have heard thus far), the transportation themed and appropriately titled Transportation might show the most range as a song-maker, but it’s the relentless thump of It Wasn’t Even Close that lands a top 10 spot on my list. His recent work with Mach-Hommy seems to foster a free-wielding spirit in Droog, from surprise project releases to unpredictable themes. The bars come in great abundance throughout IWEC, and most of the finest moments from Droog come when he his dropping brilliant one-liners over production that does indeed point to the world being about to end (perhaps all too appropriate for the bizarre news feed that was 2019). 

Your Old Droog has too much to say, too many thoughts to simply dumb down his lyrical content to create a focused song that just addresses one singular idea, so he makes the right choice on It Wasn’t Even Close to touch on as many of his manic thoughts as possible. Droog is like a great stand-up comedian that knows his audience and will do whatever he wants with his material because he knows that is one of the things that keeps his audience coming back, but within each joke is a revealing kernel of truth that should be taken seriously. Because whether you see it on stage or not, working stand-up comedians often dedicate themselves to comedy because there is no other way to harness all of the fast moving, often dark and uncomfortable thoughts in their head. I can’t say if that’s the case with Your Old Droog, but he is certainly an artist that raps with the sense of humor - and unexpectedly deep thinking - of a great stand-up.

9. Guns - Quelle Chris

Circling back to my comment about 2019′s depressing news cycle in the above Your Old Droog post (can’t be a coincidence, given that Quelle, Droog and Hommy are all frequent collaborators), can you think of a more to-the-point and overdue rap album title for this moment in America’s history than Guns?

Quelle Chris can stake a claim as having one of the greatest under-appreciated catalogues in rap history. The gifted rapper and producer has blessed us with many great projects over the years, and he tends to excel at making a point without sacrificing the enjoyment factor of his music. Much like last year’s Everything’s Fine (his brilliant collaboration with fellow dope artist and wife Jean Grae), it’s his use of satire on Guns that prevents the project from dipping a toe too deeply into the gloom of the subject matter.  Guns is a wonderfully scored portrait of how the United States’ connection to violence fosters increasingly more violence, and the symbiotic relationship between violence and the tools that wield it. Quelle is not a gangsta rapper, and he does not support violence, but as a black man in this country and a rapper, he is pulled into a wide set of false assumptions. An artist like Quelle doesn’t avoid false assumptions or challenging subjects, he tackles them with a great deal of thought and care. Sure, Guns has some light-hearted moments, but at the rate that people are being shot and killed by guns in this country (especially the rate of black men and women, as wells as members of other minority groups), a successful satire is often one that leaves the audience sitting in reflective silence rather than uproarious laughter.

8. Hitler Wears Hermes 7 [HWH7] - Westside Gunn

2019 was such a triumph for Griselda Records’ journey of doubling down on their sound rather than adapting, and reaching even higher profile success by doing so. While providing less controversial cover art on the 7th installment of his Hitler Wears Hermes series may be seen as a bit of a (increasingly necessary) compromise, the collective continues to sustain a steadily growing fanbase by keeping their music honest and gritty.

While not as grounded in the traditional as Westside Gunn’s FLYGOD, HWH7 provides a highly satisfying glimpse into the world of Griselda's impresario, the best example since Supreme Blientele. That means an indulgent dose of dusty soul samples, fashion trends, wrestling references, impeccable guest verses, and a general sense of fun-loving mayhem that could only be characterized by a representative of a shining underdog of a city with a scrappy chip on its' shoulder like Buffalo. Anyone that knows Buffalo New York knows that it's a city as filled with love as it is cold during frequently brutal winters. That's the type of town needed to shape a raw diamond like Gunn, who is as unpredictable with his rap cadence as he is respectful of the great MCs around him.

Westside Gunn and the whole Griselda gang provide a vibe that brings the best out of even the most experienced rap veterans (for example, I haven’t heard Fat Joe rap this well in years). Whatever their secret recipe for success has been (besides a relentless hustle and fresh talent), Hitler Wears Hermes 7 is another great example of how the collective’s energy is so contagious that established artists are eager to fall in line with their vision, Griselda doesn’t adapt to their guests. And can we finally end this ridiculous notion that Westside Gunn isn’t a dope MC in his own right? Don’t let the sharp rhyme skills of Conway and Benny distract from the fact that Gunn brings a real outside the box approach to how he attacks a beat, he’s as fly with his word choice as his fashion rep.

7. Eve - Rapsody

Rapsody is a great rapper.

Not a great “female MC”, not a “good for a woman” rapper...so knock off that bullshit right now, it’s 2019 people (well, technically 2020 - but I meant to finish this whole post before the ball dropped, but I dropped the ball). :-/

Rapsody has been an underground darling for so long that I am not sure if you can technically refer to her as underground hip-hop artist anymore? Check the discography and you will see that the North Carolinian has quite an impressive list of good projects to her name - all of which helped build the revere that her peers feel towards her when they say her name. While she did not ask for cult status, she certainly inherited cult status as the MC that snippy underground heads like to point to whenever they feel like Nicki Minaj or Cardi B are receiving too much too soon. Of course this sentiment is completely unwarranted - and almost always driven by angst against a fanbase rather than the more famous artist his/herself - but it doesn’t stop the conversation from coming up again and again...so why doesn’t Rapsody have more mainstream success? Should she be mentioned in more conversations as one of the best rappers in the game? And should she be receiving more credit as a woman in a male-dominated genre of music that managed to build a fanbase without pumping more graphic sexuality into her music, or showing off her body?

Well, all the answers to these questions snake up to the same problem, because apart from gender, Rapsody, Nicki, Cardi, and Megan The Stallion all share something else in common: they’re all just trying to get their piece of the pie in a sexist industry (more like society - but that’s a much larger convo) and it’s 100% not their fault. Please try to understand that Rapsody is going to do what she does on a record, and Nicki will do the same, and to expect either artist to do the same type of record is as absurd as expecting Conway The Machine to make a Drake album. Whatever your gender identity may be, you are entitled to craft your sound to be as mainstream or underground as you want it to be, just do you.

So in a way, it would make sense that Rapsody would drop the best album of her career in a year where the mainstream rap scene was shallow, mostly unremarkable, and full of holes. I’m not at all saying that that’s the reason why she received more press off of Eve than on most of her previous works, but in a rare twist, industry trends did provide a bit of an assist in the publicity department. However, the acclaim for Eve has less to do with industry trends, and a lot to do with just how good the music is on this album. 

Eve is a celebration of black women, but not as a “ladies night at the bar”, one time only rap album gimmick, but as a personal and informative album where every track is named after an influential woman of color, and the star of the album just happens to be a black woman that also hopes to be remembered as an influential woman of color. Eve is as much a braggadocious claim for respect from a dope MC as it is a humble diary of a veteran rap artist that’s still very much in her prime. The production choices range from intentional reinterpretations of the familiar, to fresh takes that successfully ride the line between what we would traditionally call “mainstream” or “underground”. At the end of the day, Rapsody’s Eve manages to start a conversation about the importance of black women in the history of the world, but while filling in the details with reminders that she deserves the respect of being treated as just another great MC.

6. Zuu - Denzel Curry

There may not be a more important album reflecting the sound of a specific city in 2019 than Denzel Curry’s Zuu.

His ode to the Carol City neighborhood of Miami, Florida was a long time coming. Zuu would not have been possible had he not experimented with different approaches in the past. He has dabbled in the same woozy, screaming raves of his fellow Floridian peers, and flirted with expressionism (especially on his previous album, TA13OO), but it all really came together on Zuu. A loose, more casual approach to song crafting on this album built a city on a clean slate. Much in the same way that Juvenile and Mannie Fresh’s “Ha” painted as vivid a picture of the feeling of being in the Magnolia projects of New Orelans as any city homage in rap history, Denzel Curry deserves a ton of credit for collaborating with perfectly selected producers to capture a sound that feels as sweltering as Curry’s place of origin.

While Zuu could stand on atmosphere alone, Curry is also at his best as a MC on this album. His pen is hard at work here (even though he claimed this album did not come with much actual writing), and he showcases a control over his flow and a charisma that proves that he is a stand alone artist to stay glued to moving forward. While the production aesthetic may be providing the broad strokes of color, his lyrics are adding the finer details throughout, discussing his father’s life and in general, the anxiety of growing up in a Miami neighborhood where sunny days are never promised. Zuu is a great album start to finish.

5. Marcielago - Roc Marciano

Roc didn't technically *need* to drop an album this year. His 2018 was one of the most prolific in his career, and for his increasingly less niche core fanbase, the impact on his respective lane is crystal clear, be it by open shout-out from his peers, to more subliminal homages. But it's that last point that inspires Roc Marciano to suit up and dramatically emerge from the gate every year or two. He has that Jordan/Jay-Z gene that suggests that no matter how many accolades are racked up over the years, any internet troll has the potential to get Roc's blood up. Which is why it should come as no surprise by this point that the man that gave us Marcberg, Reloaded and a stack of other revered projects, still felt the need to remind his "sons" that he is one of the Masters of his art form.

As an exercise in word choice and turn of phrase, Marcielago is more of a flex than an attempt to push new boundaries. But as a display of Roc Marci's (somehow) still understated skill as a producer, it's so much more - possibly his best work behind the boards. While less experimental with his production choices than on his acclaimed Rosebudd projects, Marcielago finds Roc doubling down on his ability to color within the lines of a gritty, soulful soundtrack to a world of seductive criminal activity, occasionally swerving outside of the lines with great intention, like a record skip, reminding the listener that this world is part autobiography, part fantasy - but the imagination of the man at the center is scary real. The piano sample alone on "I.G.W.T." is enough to provoke a smokey zone out, and the beat switches on that track as well as others (such as "Tom Chambers") are captivating because the switch-ups drive focus, not a choice derived from an overindulgence in production or onset boredom.

Many rap artists can claim to have made a great impact on their respective lane of traffic, but not many can claim that they paved their own. Roc did not invent the New York underground sound by any means, but when most of the New York crew abandoned ship, the captain stuck with it. ✊

4. The Plugs I Met - Benny The Butcher

Let's make this perfectly clear: Griselda Records has been dope af for years now, and nothing changed about their game plan in 2019 except that they had significantly more press to help continue pushing their brand forward. That press helped them put a ribbon around a tremendous year of music for them, along with a rapidly growing bandwagon of websites and online influencers that were previously asleep at the wheel.

That all being said...in 2019, the rap world really learned about Benny The Butcher. The Buffalo lyricist and Griselda & BSF rap capo has been spitting for years now, but word has finally reached his peers that he is pretty close to untouchable when it comes to this game called rap. Benny took things to another level with his short but potent dose of an album, The Plugs I Met.  Much like Pusha T (an appropriate guest here on “18 Wheeler”), please do not dismiss Benny as just another street hustler rapping about cocaine dealing. It’s not the subject matter that’s special here, it’s the attention to detail. Benny’s ability to describe the life he leads/has lead, and what he has been through with his writing is nothing short of brilliant, and he is able to rattle off astute observations/descriptions with his rhymes about the world he knows at a level that I would only compare to B.I.G., Nas, Jay-Z, Kool G Rap, Push, Beanie Sigel, and other legendary MC’s that have a unique way with words when it comes to tales of crime life.

But what more can I say about Benny the rapper/warrior poet that I haven’t been saying for years?  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

https://therappundit.tumblr.com/post/143774514306/neighborhood-watch-benny

3. We Grown Now - Tree

Tree is a legend. If he’s not a legend in the conversations you are currently having about the best rap projects of 2019, then you need to remedy that. Perhaps you can downgrade him to “just” a Chicago legend, but I would disagree on the grounds that musically, he’s a legend when it comes to who he is as a rap artist, and I don’t really care that this album isn’t on anyone else’s top best of lists, it’s AOTY worthy material...

Tree is a veteran rapper/producer that seems to have a love-hate relationship with the rap business (well, maybe it’s strictly hate when it comes to rap as a business, but he raps with too much conviction for me to believe that he doesn’t love rapping - even when he’s jaded by it all). Why he isn’t heralded as an icon across every rap website today isn’t exactly clear to me (and I have already made too many assumptions on the intents of the artists on this list), but after being in a bit of a slumber, the purveyor of “soul trap” seemed to rise high once again in 2019, striking his fanbase with numerous projects that read as autobiographical diaries, including a dope collaboration with Vic Spencer, producer Parallel Thought, and this amazing album, We Grown Now.

Whether it’s attempting to find closure from fallen friendships, an ode to his sons, a declaration of his love for travel, or an olive branch to the past loves of his life, Tree touched on so many personal moments on his work in 2019 that it’s hard not to think that it’s all part of his final victory lap. It feels that way because Tree comes across as an old Blues man at heart, his greatest works of art often his most painful ones. While he may travel outside of music to get away from it all, put a mic, beat and writing pad in front of him, and he puts himself out there, warts and all. Give this one a spin in the New Year if you missed out:

https://soundcloud.com/mctreeg/sets/wegrownnow

2. Retropolitan - Skyzoo & Pete Rock

The definition of a dope New York album with no skips. Skyzoo shows that one can revel in nostalgia and positivity at the same time, that reflecting on how your home has changed can be a loving experience, even when it's clear that you would love to turn back the clock to an older, impactful time of your life. 

Retropolitan is the sound of a music Mecca that thrives today because of its' past, and even when you don't hear that sound of the city within the city walls as often as you used to, it’s that sound that still propels it forward every day. By all means, you can criticize the sounds coming from "these kids today", but know that new sounds still trace back to their source material (whether you can hear it or not, the influence exists), and there will always be enough room for different rap styles to to co-exist, just as Classical music and Rock 'n Roll continue to inspire the world around us without any genre/sub-genre diluting the pool...in fact, the pool only continues to expand because of it.

Like Roc Marciano, Skyzoo is on a short list of NYC-based MC’s that kept developing a traditional east coast underground sound in their music for years, long after it was en vogue. As one of the genre’s most naturally gifted writers and storytellers, I don’t know if any MC working today is as fit to write this album as Skyzoo, a relic that survived a purging of the old guard in NYC only to emerge as part of a resurgence of underground hip-hop, sounding as spry as ever (if not, even stronger). With Retropolitan, every bit of this ode to growing up in a culture capitol feels like a child’s observation from a Brooklyn apartment window rather than a forced exaltation of times gone by.

This pairing may be the most natural for Pete Rock since CL Smooth, and no doubt the music on this album would not exist if it wasn't for timeless records like "T.R.O.Y." that continue to breathe and sound as refreshing as the day it dropped. Right now I doubt many expect Retropolitan to have the same cultural impact (as the material clearly points out, both the world and the genre are so different nowadays), but the music that derived from these two NYC legends certainly packs a wallop of quality that belongs in rotation for years to come.

1. Bandana - Freddie Gibbs & Madlib

By now it's hard to imagine that folks were skeptical of the musical union between Freddie Gibbs and Madlib. But back in 2010/2011, prior to the release of "Thuggin" (the first single to be released from the fantastic project that would eventually become Pinata) the notion of Gangsta Gibbs finding a happy union with the man that was behind classic projects alongside underground icons the likes of MF DOOM and Jay Dilla, sounded more like a fish out of water tale. Today, it would be like hearing news of 21 Savage and DJ Premier dropping.

By the time Bandana finally dropped - the much anticipated follow-up to the Pinata collaboration that many consider a modern classic - the hype had long since buried the initial questions that fans had about what the chemistry would be like between the respected artists, who once climbed the rankings within two very separate lanes. What Pinata proved was that the hard rhymes from Gibbs, when paired with Madlib's chopped up jazzy soulscapes, yield a sound that feels as beautifully organic as many of the genre's purist classic records. The biggest difference between Bandana and its' predecessor is that their chemistry has only improved.

What 'MadGibbs' achieved here was a more intimate and diverse album than Pinata, and arguably a superior one. Bandana may lack the layers of dusty underground grit which came in abundance on Pinata, but Gibbs' flow and pen game are so sharp on this album that it gave Madlib a bit more room to experiment with some sounds that don't instantly point to Madlib as the orchestrator on first listen. Lurking behind the making of this project were Gibbs' very real legal troubles, and the threat of extended prison time that not only jeopardized the completion of this project, but Freddie Gibbs' own freedom. Throughout the amazing Bandana, Gibbs does not hesitate to remind fans of how his life could very well have gone in a different direction, and that's exactly what elevates an album of bars & beats to a gripping, album of the year experience. Even with Bandana still in heavy rotation for the foreseeable future, it's hard not to salivate over what the duo could accomplish next...

***AND THE REST OF THE BEST***...

11. Emergency Raps, Vol. 4 - Tuamie feat. Fly Anakin & the Mutant Academy

12. Let The Sun Talk - MAVI

13. Wap Konn Jòj! - Mach-Hommy

14. W.W.C.D. [What Would Chine Do]? - Griselda (Westside Gunn, Conway & Benny)

15. SPORTEE - Nolan The Ninja

16. El Capo - Jim Jones (and The Heatmakerz)

17. Hiding Places - Billy Woods & Kenny Segal

18. Oofie - Wiki

19. Feet of Clay - Earl Sweatshirt

20. Hell’s Roof - Eto & DJ Muggs

21. Brandon Banks - Maxo Kream

22. 4wurd - Jay Bel

23. Revenge of the Dreamers 3 - J. Cole & the Dreamville roster

24. Sli’merre - Young Nudy & Pi’erre Bourne

25. The Wild End - Tree & Parallel Thought

26. Holly Water - Fly Anakin & Big Kahuna OG

27. Kirk - DaBaby

28. Boss Sauce - Mooch & Futurewave

29. Port of Miami 2 - Rick Ross

30. So Much Fun - Young Thug

31. Own Pace - Medhane

32. Drip or Drown 2 - Gunna

33. You Can’t Sit With Us - Pivot Gang

34. GREY Area - Little Simz

35. Transportation - Your Old Droog

36. Tuez-Les Tous - Mach-Hommy & DJ Muggs

37. May The Lord Watch - Little Brother

38. Drum Machine Tape Cassette - Kev Brown & J Scienide

39. Lil Big Man - Maxo

40. Statue of Limitations - Smoke DZA & Benny The Butcher

Honorable Mention:

Bullies - Denmark Vessey, DrxQuinnx & Azarias

[forgivemeimmafloof]

Hahaha...

You have chosen a question that is kind of hard to answer?

See the thing is, I am very picky about my head-canons - especially when it comes to the voice. I don’t mean to brag, but I guess I sorta do; I have a knack for picking out voices. My sister used to test me on it when I was little with bands, asking me to pick out voice’s of the lead singer or the band itself. It pretty much led up to me being really good at picking out voice actors from movies and anime... Of course this makes it hard for me to take the sort of ‘vision’ of a voice that I have in my head and toss it for real voices. So apologies, on one or two of these I searched for the voice I’m thinking of and couldn’t deal with not finding a voice that lives up to my expectations. So instead I just decided to be descriptive. 

UT!Sans - I most often think of Sansfulpuns, but unfortunately they no longer make audios and You can’t really find the voice online. But for a brief description, its deep but not really husky - playful and sweet. Casual and relaxing, puts you at ease. And a super cute laugh, adorable, kills your soul its so precious.

UF/MF - CrashBoombanger. I mean, I love supershadic’s version of Uf!sans, but for the smol Uf!sans that I draw, Its crashboombanger. MF! tho? Seriously, no hesitation it would be supershadic’s version.

US! - Pshattuckproductions’ Us!sans, dude. Dude. DUDE. So precious. I love him, I woulD LAY DOWN MY LIFE-

SF! - The thing is, I’ve always kind of imagined him with this very sultry voice. Super different than UT or UF, Or even US. Just sort of low and silky, but then when he gets emotional like he’s mad or he’s excited his voice gets kind of squeaky and more like Pshattuckproductions’ Us!sans. So he’s 50/50 the mysterious voice on the other end of a phone-call or the guy you ask to watch your kid while you go to dinner. 

Beasttale/gasterblaster: Cr1tikal. Elias has a super awkward sort of stiff voice, and Cr1tikal is perfect for that. No offense to Cr1tikal, I listen to his stuff all the time and it really relaxes me, eemm... ANYWAY. 

HT! - I know literally all of you love my soft big boi, and I would love to pass out what I’d think it sounds like but ummmmm…. I can’t really place his voice. I swear to god I heard it somewhere before, but for the life of me I can’t recount where I heard it. If I do remember I will slam down some video of it, but for now I’ll just pass out a description of it the best I can. His voice is a commanding presence despite he rarely ever speaks above a low inside voice. Its deep, deep and low. Its sounds sort of hollow, like how it feels when you speak in a small room - a suffocating sharpness to how he talks that no wall dares to echo back. Its empty, and each time he pauses to think about what to say next, it feels like the world couldn’t be quieter. It makes you hang onto the edge of your seat, wondering what he’s going to say next - everything he says seems impersonal, like he’s serious about what he says but he doesn’t really care if you listen or not. and When he laughs or seems amused, its clear and not smothered by his usual emptiness, but the tone doesn’t really match the cute expressions he wears - it still feels dark and heavy and evil when it couldn’t be further from the truth.

(Whoops look who got carried away...)

I’m sorry I’m a picky Mun.

~This is a queued post!~

[jenandchris2014]

NomaMexico

F*CKIN UNBELIEVEABLE NIGHT!!!  I'm not a big cusser but there's simply no other way to articulate what transpired a few days ago at #NomaMexico. The meal itself was extraordinary but that was expected.  What was NOT expected was how the evening ended for Chris and me. We somehow ended up spending more than half an hour in the kitchen with two additional impromptu courses that the chef asked his staff to prepare for us. We devoured them while observing the busiest and most elaborate kitchen symphony. WHAT?!!!!  While I wouldn't be naive to say for certain that he never did this for anyone else during his 7 week run of the #popup,  possibly, it could have been?!!!  If he did, it certainly wouldn't have been for any other "regular" folk like us who weren't family/friends/celebrities or any other influential person.  All I can make of everything that happened is that when you speak in the moment and from the heart, the message may also be received wholeheartedly.  I think he just really appreciated our GENUINE admiration/understanding of his dishes AND entire philosophy.

I won't delve too much into the food and experience of #NomaMexico since you can find that online but it was a beautiful 3 hour 14 course love story to MEXICO.  I’m sure I would enjoy any of Chef’s Rene’s creations but growing up in LA where one gets acquainted with Mexican food early on, whether through chalupas served in school lunches or lengua tacos at the stationary street taco truck (not to be confused w/the ubiquitous food trucks of the last decade), I especially cherished it.  Still, it was not as if Chef Rene came to Tulum to create the best "Mexican" food he could. Every dish was new to me (w/the exception of a taco) but at the same time, all cloaked in flavors quite familiar. Specifically, I could taste either chile and/or citrus in almost every course, and the latter particularly worked well to provide a flavorful yet refreshing morsel in a warm jungle setting. Additionally, I noticed the absence of cheese which I thought to be a Mexican staple but only one plate had a tiny sprinkling of it.  I thoroughly appreciated the bright acidity, umami, and heat achieved without heaviness given how long the meal was, not to mention being outside.  That being said, while there were some "wow" ingredients like escamoles (ant larva), the majority of the other ingredients were fairly familiar ones like avocado, chili, lime, pumpkin, etc.. Actually, one of the most memorable courses was also one of the simplest, basically a fruit salad w/a hint of chili oil.  Seriously, it was genius in its simplicity, but somehow out-of-this-world as every single item was just the best MF mango, banana, or whatever we’d ever tasted in life. It was surreal, something so ordinary but SO extraordinary! CRAZY! 

Anyways, now onto the exciting part!   Like with most of our special meals if appropriate, we requested a kitchen tour.  I love seeing the logistics of the stations, the mise en place in action, the layout of the kitchen, and obviously the chef in his/her element.  So after 2.5hours devouring some of the most thought provoking deliciousness perfectly paired with a local wine/mezcal/beer,  Dave, a staff member from Toronto (which obviously wasn’t a coincidence #AttentionToDetail), directed us into the kitchen.  It was absolutely incredible! I couldn't believe they built one like this just to use for seven weeks, but witnessing the symphony in action, it was clear to see how it allowed the flow to be so efficient.   When we commented on this, Dave actually told us that as amazing as NomaJapan was, working in the already existing kitchen of the Mandarin Hotel was a total nightmare.  He added that the Chef will probably never not create his own kitchen for a popup again.  

We continued to ask Dave all sorts of questions, and maybe it was the Canadian in him, but he answered them happily without seeming annoyed. In fact, I feel like he may have perhaps found us refreshing as the staff probably sees hundreds, maybe thousands, of patrons come back just wanting to get their selfie w/the chef. While there's nothing wrong w/that,  I feel like he rewarded our curiosity by taking us on a more thorough tour through the various stations, ranging from the careful placement of each escamole to ladling the perfect amount of the world’s best mole (seriously, I could put this on EVERYTHING. Think something as powerful/addicting/versatile as PioPio’s green sauce)!  He even took us outside and into their extended kitchen outdoors in the jungle where my absolute favorite course was being prepared over an open fire, an octopus wrapped in corn husk cooked in maiz paste (which was served on a bed of the aforementioned mole)!  Afterwards, we passed the dishwashing station (which are all handwashed btw), the staff kitchen, and bbq grills before being led back into the main kitchen.  

When we reentered, Dave made his way toward Chef Rene and he greeted us with a soft smile.  Our entire interaction with him was probably less than a minute, and it’s not like we said anything profound, especially in my daze of complete starstruckness.  Chris told him what he appreciated in one of his favorite courses of the night, and I told him how long I’d been a huge fan of his (pre social media, pre documentaries, pre current food culture btw), but with my tears held back, just barely.  

Then he smiled and said "thank you, excuse me".  We said “of course” and was quite appreciative of even our short time with him since he was super busy.  He walked across the room and had his back toward us which I preferred because my eyes were on him like a stalker.  I recall telling myself to stop staring when the staff member that the chef was talking to caught me doing so.  However, in retrospect, I realize that that staff member was actually looking at us intentionally in reaction to what Chef Rene was telling him.  I’m not sure what words were muttered but it resulted in what ensued in the next 15 minutes or so.   

Dave escorted us to a corner of the kitchen and told us to sit down.  Even at this point, we just thought he was letting us enjoy observing the kitchen for just a tad longer before escorting us out.  We took full advantage of those minutes, and actually, one thing we did notice for the first time were the other patrons, and how much shorter their tours were, a few minutes max before they were escorted out.  Chris and I talked about how lucky we were of Dave’s generosity and also that timing worked out where we were able to catch Chef Rene even for a second.  Then soon afterwards, they set cutlery in front of us and I was a little confused.  Then it hit us... OMFG!!!

They brought out what reminded me of a fried perilla leaf accompanied w/what else,  a bowl of ROSIE’S MOLE!!!   When staff came by catching us in ecstasy to see how we were doing a few minutes later, we commented that we wanted to lick the entire plate of the leftover mole.  Their response, “would you like a tortilla to do that with”?    What?!!!!!  Obvi “YES, yes, YES!”  Shortly after, Dave came by with a plate of tortillas made seconds ago by the women behind him, and said “sorry these tortillas couldn’t be any fresher” ;)

(Our View While Grubbing)

And then when we thought things couldn’t get better, they cleared our plates and brought us another dish!  Softshell crab tacos!!! (yes, it looks like dung, but it was heaven)!  What?!!!  I kept pinching myself, and seriously, I saw Chef Rene across the room checking up on how much we were enjoying ourselves from time to time!  What?!!!!  Even amongst the crazy but genius chaos in his kitchen, he was still monitoring the pulse of his “nobody” guests!  That is serious multitasking and thoughtfulness!

After thoroughly licking off every smear of sauce on our plates, it was finally time to leave the kitchen.  On our way out though, I ambushed the Chef and gave him a hug. We both thanked him again sincerely for this unforgettable experience, took a quick photo, and when he turned around, because one inappropriate forceful surprise hug is just not enough, I gave him another one. His last words were “please go enjoy yourselves and have a few drinks at the bar”, perhaps code for “get away from me now, stalker”! ;)

And so we did!  Chris and I spent half an hour debriefing on what had just happened while taking sips of mezcal, but we couldn’t stay too much longer as we had to get back to our little one.  It’s probably evident though through my overuse of “!!!” that the adrenaline still hasn’t totally worn down even now.  

And as if things couldn’t get any better, fast forward a few days, and I saw Chef Rene post a picture of the soft shell crab that he made tacos for us with on Instagram.  I had never commented on any famous person’s photo before but I felt compelled to knowing full well that a response was unlikely as thousands of people comment on these things.  I was wrong!  Seriously, was this week even real?!!!

Needless to say, an experience truly for the books!  

The End! (You can disregard the rest of this post)