#like seriously I be so excited to answer a question and its a mf asking for money

[ghostiidasponk]

can scammers stop filling up my inbox like I am an unemployed student drawing anime why the fuck are you assuming i have money ☠️😭

[primofate]

Genshin x fem!reader [Volleyball Team AU - Inspired by Haikyuu!] He introduces S/O to the team

Before you read this, might be a good idea to read the introduction first. To give you the whole low-down of the team and their dynamicsssss.

Other works in the Volleyball Team AU Series: Click Here

Scenario: You and him have been dating for a while now. Why does the team not know and what’s their reaction in finding out/when he introduces you?

Warnings: AU if that’s not your thing then don’t read, not proofread...as usual.

#1 Zhongli (Captain/Wing Spiker/Ace)

You’ve been dating for nearly 5 months at this point. Beforehand the two of you were close friends. So the team kind of already knew you guys were close, but you’d never met the team properly.

It’s not that he was HIDING your relationship, its that he didn’t want to pressure you into meeting his team. They could really be an overwhelming bunch of high schoolers sometimes.

As it happens he walks to the gym hand in hand with you one day, his other hand on his duffel sports bag, thinking that he’d be the earliest one there as always. 

But when he slides the gym doors open his WHOLE TEAM greets him “CAPTAIN!” and then there’s an awkward silence that descends as they all catch him with his hand intertwined with yours.

KAEYA AND TARTAGLIA LOSES IT. “C-Captain, you had a girlfriend and didn’t tell us?!” “You finally made a move on her?!” “S’about time!”

Needless to say they both get knocked on the head by Zhongli’s fist. 

Zhongli sighs and turns to you apologetically but you say that you don’t mind meeting them. He perks up and claps his hands to ask his team to line up.

They do so diligently. Kaeya, Tartaglia and Thoma are giddy while looking at you. Xiao and Kazuha have their mouth slightly agape as if you’re some kind of rare species. Diluc and Albedo stare you down. 

You introduce yourself as Zhongli’s gilrfriend and as you do so Tartaglia’s eyes dart towards Zhongli who has a slightly shy expression on his face. 

“Oh, oh question time!” Thoma raises his hand “Does the captain secretly eat sweets behind our back?” You haven’t even answered when Kaeya asks “Does the captain ever glare at you (he mimics Zhongli’s face) and say 10 Push ups NOW!” Surprisingly Diluc raises his hand too “...Is the captain strict with you too?”

Zhongli gets irked the more questions are asked and he finally steps in with an ominous presence. “10 laps around the gym...NOW!” 

He apologizes to you again but you reassure him it’s totally fine and they all seem like such fun. 

#2 Diluc (Vice Captain/Wing Spiker/Defense Specialist)

The vice captain is a very secretive guy.

Not even his brother knew.

It’s not that he was ashamed of you, he just liked his privacy and you already knew that. 

But there was this one time where he forgot his textbooks under his desk and you had to go and give it to him while he was at practice.

Shyly looking into the door the first one that spots you is Albedo.

“...Do you need something?” you tense up at Albedo’s question and shakily hand him the textbooks.

“U-Uhm... D-Diluc’s...”

Albedo tilts his head and turns to shout at the team. “Someone’s looking for the vice captain,”

Everyone stops what they’re doing and snaps there head towards you.

Diluc jogs over, sweat still fresh on his forehead. Without thinking he takes the books from you, small smile on his face and thanks you.

The rest of his team freezes up all thinking: “Hold on, is he...SMILING?”

You’re oblivious to them staring and give him a quick kiss on the cheek before leaving. When Diluc turns back his team is glaring daggers at him, he stares back at them. Doesn’t say anything, and continues practice.

No one is brave enough to ask him about it.

Tartaglia whispers to Kaeya “You didn’t know about it either huh?”

#3 Kaeya (Middle Blocker)

This MF would talk about you whenever he had the chance.

Y/N this, Y/N that, Y/N is so cute. 

Frankly the team is kinda tired of it. 

But when you finally visit one of their practices the team levels their gaze at you and think “Oh shit, he wasn’t lying, she is actually cute,”

Sees his teammates expression and brags even more. “I know what y’all are thinking. You’re thinking, OH! She’s actually really cute! Hm?”

Slings an arm around you shamelessly with a grin. “Back off boys, I’ll block all your attempts,”

Diluc is the one that walks up to you and you blink at him. Kaeya blinks at him, confused as well.

Diluc suddenly bows, “I feel sorry for you but please take care of him,”

The rest of the team either bursts out laughing or snickers behind their hand.

Their vice captain is low key savage

#4 Albedo (Setter)

The team finds out about you cause when they finish practice they find you waiting outside the gym.

Kazuha asks politely while the others look on “Are you lost?”

You straighten up and stutter a little, “Ah, uh, no, I’m...” You’re at a loss for words. 

Then Albedo suddenly appears from the gym doors and sees you. “Ah, were you waiting long? Sorry,”

Thoma tilts his head in question. “Albedo...Your sister?”

Albedo at this point was standing next to you already. “...No, my girlfriend,” like it was the most normal thing in the world.

Everyone is stunned into statues.

“H-How did you get one before me?” Tartaglia looks as if his soul had been sucked out of his body.

“Next time you can just come inside and wait inside the gym, it’s dark out here,” their responsible captain suggests and you’re amazed at his kindness and bow at him with a thank you.

Albedo doesn’t see what’s the big deal and just grabs your hand and starts walking away.

#5 Tartaglia (Middle Blocker/Wing Spiker)

The team already knew since the first date. It’s because he.would.not.shut.up.about.it

That particular day at practice his spikes were a tad bit stronger than usual.

“Oi... you’re getting too excited...” Xiao mumbles at him. Tartaglia just grins and scratches the back of his head. “Aaaahhhh... I can’t help it, I’m so nervous for my date with Y/N!”

A few more dates later he starts showing off his phone wallpaper to the others. It’s a picture of you and him.

Kaeya tries to piss him off by saying, “Huh, we’ve never actually seen her in person. Maybe it’s photoshopped,” The others snicker.

Is so pissed, asks you to come immediately.

You thought it was an emergency so you come into the gym with a worried look on your face only to be hugged tight into his chest. “See? See? She’s totally real and totally cute!”

Albedo crosses his arms and blinks, then looks at Kaeya “...You totally baited him, he’s such a simpleton.”

Kaeya responds with a smirk “Right?”

#6 Kazuha (Decoy/Middle Blocker/Wing Spiker)

The most formal out of all of them and even tells them seriously that he had an announcement to make.

Next day he comes into practice with you in tow.

Properly introduces you as his girlfriend. 

Everyone is wide-eyed at how official it feels. Then you suddenly take out a big container of fruits and tell everyone it’s for them (The captain doesn’t allow sweets, he thinks it’ll fatten them up or some crap.)

EVERYONE IS BLESSED BY YOUR PRESENCE and Kazuha is just enjoying you getting along with them.

Kaeya and Tartaglia try to whisper and bribe you into making cookies for them. 

Albedo and Xiao stares at Kazuha thinking ‘If someone like you can get a girlfriend, we can get one too, right?’

You offer to come back next time with more fruits and some secret cookies.

#7 Xiao (Libero)

Tried to keep it a secret because he knows his team will make a fuss about it.

The team finds out when his phone suddenly starts ringing in the middle of practice and he asks for a timeout to pick it up.

“Mm... Yeah... I’ll pick you up when I finish,” Everyone starts nudging each other when they hear him talk to you in an unusually calm and soft tone. So different from when he plays volleyball and gets angry at them.

By this point everyone tries to keep quiet and enlarge their ears to eavesdrop.

“Idiot... I won’t be late. I promised to take you out didn’t I?” 

Hearing their tsundere libero say something so sweet makes everyone combust.

When he turns back everyone is staring at him with smirks on their faces. “Hey, why not just ask her to come here?” Kaeya sneakily suggests.

Xiao blushes “A-As if I’d let her near you bumbling fools!”

He was worried it would scare you away, actually.

#8 Tohma (Pinch Server/Middle Blocker)

Literally no one is surprised he has a girlfriend.

It would be MORE of a surprise if he DIDN’T have one.

But they find out cause he left his phone out on the bench one day and there’d been a text message while Xiao was conveniently sitting on the bench.

“...Tohma, someone me--” Xiao looks at the screen where the message ‘I love you!’ is clearly written.

Xiao is so curious but is not gunna admit it so he nudges Kaeya or Tartaglia who might be sitting next to him and secretly motions over to the phone.

They read it and ask in a real loud voice “Oi Tohma! Who’s Y/N? They said I love you!” 

Tohma laughs nervously and since it’s already out he might as well introduce you. 

“This is my princess,” he says when you enter the gym to walk home with him that afternoon. You bow and introduce yourself and everyone looks at you thinking... “Ah, they look like the perfect domestic couple,”

Low-key everyone is jealous of how you dote on him.

Hello Hello! Technically this could be counted as fluff, but I understand that not everyone is fond of AUs, so, if you don’t mind being tagged to something like this, please fill in the survey again (I’ve added AU as an option, just click that one if you’ve signed up for the others before!)

https://forms.gle/VZmJXQssHcv7YzQc6

Please do consider supporting me at my ko-fi! I’ve fixed the payment link so I think you can love me more now <3 (haha jk, it’s optional, but it would greatly help and make me happy!)

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Masterlist

https://primofate.tumblr.com/post/653296890583154688/masterlist-for-mobile-version-main-links

[ctrlemis]

𝐅𝐀𝐔𝐋𝐓 𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒 ⁀ awaken and find out what happens after like word count. 0.6k. warnings. none.

“3, 2, 1, ACTION!”

The cameras flash, signaling that the recording has started. Y/N, Asta, and Sebastian stand on the side of stge, out of cameras view. Next to them are Yujin, Liz, and Wonyoung. In front of the cameras are Hades, Nadia, Jungwn and Riki. They all look fantastic, and by the way Nadia rolls on the balls of her feet in her flats, they can tell she’s excited.

“Oh my, do you guys hear that?” Nadia asks her three co-hosts, feigning confusion. The other three, look around innocently, before looking at Nadia.

“No, what are you talking about, Nadia?” Riki bites, and as soon as he does, a sweet melody plays through the studio. Hades and Jungwon sway to the beat of it, before it stops.

“That’s the sound of music! Welcome to Sound of Music, with your MC’s, Nadia, Riki, Jungwon, and myself, Hades!” Hades says smiling.

“It’s our first day as MCs. Are you all nervous too?” Jungwon recites his script perfectly. Y/N can’t help but chuckle softly at how corny it is, because it’s almost somewhat cute. Wonyoung seems to think the same, because a soft giggle comes from her. Y/N glances at her, and when the tall girl looks back they look forward, heat rushing to their face. They ignore the way Asta elbows them, watching the four mcs.

“Now, we welcome our guests, three members of two groups here to promote their new comebacks! Are you all ready to AWAKEN and find out what happens AFTER LIKE?” Nadia questions, and Y/N’s mouth curls inward in order not to burst out laughing. “Please welcome our guests, Asta, Sebastian, and Y/N of ETERNIA, as well as Yujin, Wonyoung, and Liz of IVE!” That’s their queue. With the inhale of a deep breath, they follow their older members onto the stage.

“So, Liz, could you tell us a bit about what After Like is about? This is your third single album, correct?” Riki asks.

“Right, and you guys sampled ‘I will survive’ Right?” Hades adds. ‘They’re really good at MC-ing.’ Y/N thinks as Liz answers the question. In fact, they don't realize they’ve spaced out until Asta nips them on their elbow. He has good timing too, because Jungwon looks at them, ready to ask them a question.

“Now Y/N, in your words, what does this new album AWAKEN mean to you?” Jungwon asks them, staring at them intently. They falter for a second, his hard gaze burning a hole into their head. They remain professional though, smiling dazzlingly.

“Well Jungwon, in my personal opinion, AWAKEN is about waking up and realizing and accepting who you truly are, and being that person in whatever way feels right to you. To stay true to yourself, no matter right or wrong is what it means to AWAKEN. To choose yourself in the face of adversity is what AWAKEN means to me. I hope it can mean the same to our fans.” Jungwon mods, turning to Wonyoung as Nadia asks her another question about AFTER LIKE. As they mentally pat themself on the back for that answer, they don't seem to notice or realize that seconds before, Wonyoung was ogling them.

A/N. GUESS WHOS BACK, BACK AGAIN?? its crazy so many mfs ik are coming back and updsting today like damn am i the blueprint or what😁 jk but anyways i hope you all enjoyed this!! i had alot of fun writing this so yeah(btw its not proofread and im seriously sleep deprived i woke up at four am so please understand thanks you love)

SYNOPSIS. Wonyoung & Jungwon are more alike then people think. Besides the basics, like being the same age and both being idols, they both enough the same types of music, stan the same groups, and they both have a crush on ETERNIA’s maknae. Only two problems. The world is convinced they’re secretly dating and they both know that the other likes Y/N L/N

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TAGLIST. @jihyoscrown @lunaflvms @enloveclub @kange3939 @arizejkt19 @theandrogynisticcat @maiverie @enhypenslay @wonieleles

PERM TAGLIST. @coffeewon @soobin-chois @jangwonie @hiqhkey @bigtoewinwin @enhacolor @abdiitcryy @hseungi @chiyuv @seungstarss @strwberrydinosaur @sarcasmhadachild @butterflyy-ningg @simeonswhore

[certifiedceraunophile]

Hello! I’m your Klaroline Swap gifter👀 I am sorry it's taken me this long to reach out but I've finally gotten to it! I am excited to be writing for you and wanted to ask a few questions about your gift. Wanted to know about your all-time favorite tropes and side pairings? Any Caroline friendships you like? Any tropes or pairings you don't like? Any pet peeves with KC fic? Any smut preferences? Anything you especially want to see or any info you'd like me to know? Hope you have a great day!💖

Heyyy!! Thank you for sending me this ask, and please don't apologize, it’s all good 💖 I hope you're having a great day too! So I’ll just jump in and answer all your questions ✌🏾✨

I am so so sorry it got this long, like so long, I really tried to condense it, but I have no concept of short and concise so now I have to put this below a cut 😭🙃😭

All time favourite tropes:

[see here's the thing I dont exactly *know* what tropes are so I'm just gonna yeet a bunch of HIGHLY specific prompt-thingies that make me tingle at you and you can do w them what you wish- like take out certain parts you want to use, or base other tropes off of them anything you wish really, even if you choose to ignore all of them I won't be holding it against you dw!]

Ok so I love love the "I was just captured by the bad guys and very harshly uh demanded to sell you out, but I didnt, bc even though I might posture like you’re the scourge of the earth and would gladly see you dead, I in fact, do not want you dead and will therefore not be selling you out and will handle mild -emphasis on mild please do not hurt either of my babies too much- torture instead and oops! look at that, you just overheard this exact exchange where I stand my ground and refuse to betray you, and now you’ve gone feral over your loyalty kink and are spouting promises of never letting go of me, which honestly I cannot bring myself to be mad at."

I love love love the forced bedsharing trope which then leads to accidental cuddling, where one party [caroline] is just very very annoyed that their body sought the warmth of a cockroach fucknugget being [klaus] and the fucknugget party is just very very smug about being the other party's personal space heater, and nuzzles them and cuddles tighter and asdfghjkl I'm getting tingly just thinking about it, and like says w a husky sleepy voice “don't move” and cuddles closer. jfc please I’m a basic bitch with very basic wants.

I absolutely LOVE the "we work on opposite enemy sides, but now we have to band together to defeat one common enemy and honestly I am NOT glad that I constantly wanna throw you against a wall, and not all reasons for said wall-throwing are strictly to inflict violence on you."

I also LOVE the "fuck youre bleeding/hurt/injured and fucking hell I dont know why my hands are shaking while I attend to your wounds but god it is, and now I'm not sure exactly how deep you've furrowed into my heart and stuck yourself there like a dickheaded leech."

Now I feel like I have given you many tropes, but I also feel like i didnt in fact help you at all, bc I'm not sure these are uh tropes?? but anyway those are some highly specific...scenes?? I have a very deep bias for

[you obviously dont HAVE to write ANY of them if you dont want to]

And also if I had to give you a clear cut trope to follow, I absolutely LOVE the enemies-to tentative allies-to lovers trope, in which one party is just working really really hard to get to the lovers part, and the other is working really really hard not to get to the lovers part, but caves later on, bc really the fucker grows on you. [Featuring Klaus as the "high key besotted already pursuing Caroline"-person, and Caroline is the "I am very very annoyed w this wooing, but I am more annoyed this wooing is working"-person. And also, I like my Klaus E V I L, But really really really *soft* for Caroline.]

Also if by tropes you meant settings, Like AU's, literally anything works, I have a personal bias for Crime AU's when it comes to enemies to lovers, and Canon is the ultimate enemies to lovers AU, but honestly you can use which ever one you want, I am not entirely sure myself if I have a specific preference here, AH, Fantasy, Supernatural, Scifi, it's all good.

[I however am not extremely fond of Historical Settings]

Again you are not required to follow any of these tropes at all if you don't wish to, I just require you to have a lot of fun writing and love the beauty you write yourself first!

Side pairings:

Ok I LOVE me some Kennett [kol + bonnie] but I also LOVEEE kolenzo [Kol and Enzo], I also am extremely just *heart eyes* at Bonenzo [Bonnie + enzo], but I absolutely DIE for Kennettzo [which is OT3 of Kol Bonnie and Enzo]

Kalijah is also a-ok w me, and I feel like I dont have any other side pairings I'd like die to see I guess. If you choose not to go with these side pairings its perfectly alright.

Caroline Friendships:

Ok this I can answer without rambling like an idiot, I love love love love :

Bonnie + Caroline [like i love this so much it physically hurts me, they both deserve so so so much better]

Kol + Caroline [I will literally touch a frog, and I have a phobia of frogs, to have one full conversation w these two idiots]

Enzo + Caroline [Honestly enzoline brotp makes me wanna sob happy tears bc they are so perfect together]

Katherine + Caroline + Rebekah [bad bitch meets head bitch meets super bitch, what could possibly go wrong]

Tropes and Pairings I dont like:

NOTPS:

Kolvina, stebekah, delena, stelena, datherine, steferine, Haylijah, Marcel+Rebekah, Matt+Rebekah, Bamon, Kai+bonnie, beremy.

And I think that's about it? mostly I just hate elena stefan damon and hayley and I am not fond of them w anyone, I hate all canon Rebekah relationships, and I dont like seeing Bonnie with anyone other than enzo or kol.

Tropes:

I am totally not fond of the Kill Liz for plot reasons trope, like seriously killing Caroline's mom is not ok w me, but I am totes fine if she's like already dead as part of Caroline's backstory, just don't show me Liz dying in the story as a part of the plot.

Any form of sire-bond-y or like sire-bond adjacent or like any form of deal/bargain/agreement that gives Klaus even a tiniest bit of power over Caroline's free will and choices, is just not for me, like at all, no matter how well it's done, I can't stand it.

not fond of any form of prisoner/hostage tropes, like klaus kidnapping caroline or caroline kidnapping klaus and holding each other hostage and stuff like that.

Death as a plot point doesnt work for me? and really I'd prefer if there were no major character deaths at all.

Friends to lovers trope is not for me, childhood friends to lovers trope is definitely not for me.

I don't like any sort of redemption arc really, anything that starts with Klaus as a “bad” dude and ends with him being a relatively “good” dude is not for me.

Any form of infidelity, like ofc especially in between Klaus and Caroline is just [shudder] hard pass, but like I also hate it when Caroline or Klaus cheat on anybody at all.

Also all the tropes and like themes I'm not comfy w that I mentioned in my original Gift Request still stand.

KC Pairing Pet peeves

ok This I can answer easily bc I have like a FEW,

I hate a woobified Klaus so much, like so much, I hate all TO!Klaus characterizations but this one is the worst, absolutely not here for it, I am not here to feel sorry for this mf I want to feel really deliriously GIDDY at how evil he is and how whipped he is for Caroline, but like concentrating on Klaus's manpain is not something I really wanna read.

Caroline excusing Klaus's bullshit, or like being a push over-y “it's ok, I understand why you did it” person is not for me, bc she never was one to begin w, she never did rationalize or justify Klaus's behaviour, she always held him accountable and told him what a difficult son of a bitch he is every chance she got.

I don't like arcs where Caroline is Klaus's redemption? like Caroline bringing Klaus into the "light" or whatever I am not here for it, like at all, I like Klaus staying evil while being endlessly in love with Caroline, and Caroline being able to be w a man she knows is a selfish evil ruthless grade A asshole, but will literally also choke himself to death for Caroline, cuz the man is whipped as fuck.

I also absolutely am not a fan of arcs where like Caroline remains "pure" or whatever, like that's just not for me, I am totally fine, actually MORE than fine for ruthless Caroline who is willing to do deplorable shit to get to her goal and protect her people, like Caroline being extremely almost evilly pragmatic just gives me a boner, and pretty sure gives Klaus one too. Klaus "protecting" Caroline's so called innocence is uh off putting for me personally. And her remaining this pure white light princess of good and Klaus being attracted to the *good* in her is um, nope.

Smutty Preferences

Honestly I’m very easy when it comes to smut [and u totally dont have to write me any if you dont want to]

I do not like:

non con/dub con, anal sex, Strict and/or elaborate Bdsm themes, [light undertones are ok], drunk sex, sex that’s basically infidellity [like caroline/klaus cheating on someone else w each other] , gagging, choking, Extremely rough emotionless sex, sex as a bargain, or as a part of a bargain.

Smut preferences:

I like reading oral sex, especially Klaus going down on Caroline

light bondage like being tied up [either Klaus/Caroline I enjoy both]

Sex toys are really really good, like love reading Klaus using one on Caroline, or Caroline using one on herself and Klaus watching

I do have a special love for praise kink, especially Klaus being really just in awe of Caroline during the do and expressing it uninhibitedly

Dirty Talk is GREAT

I enjoy both Klaus and Caroline in a dominant role, but I usually love it when both of them share the dominance equally, I’m just not into “Yes master” and “Yes mistress” level of dominance. I guess the word I’m looking for is Vanilla dominance lmao.

Bloodplay is also great if they're vampires.

And Klaus and Caroline leaving marks on each other is *swoon*.

I love reading possessive!klaus and possessive!caroline in equal measure so really your choice.

Hot and Dirty sex with a an undercurrent of emotion and devotion, want and need and all that nice stuff is great!

But I do have a list of words I’m not really a big fan of coming across when I’m reading smut:

Any word for vagina that’s not wetness, or folds or lips, is squicky, cunt is not a problem, pussy however is squick.

Clit is clit; little nub, bundle of nerves, all of that makes the med student in me really anxious lmao.

Any word for Cock that’s not cock is squick.

Juices, cream, semen are squicky, I just prefer come or release.

Ok these are seemingly innocent words but moist, engorged, gaping, drooling, sopping are not words I like seeing in context of smut.

So yeah that’s about it, I know hi, it’s been what, eleventy bajillion years since the beginning of this ask, I am so so so sorry for being this difficult, and really, LIKE SERIOUSLY, except for my squicks you are more than welcome to just skip past everything else, since I’m not really that hard to please, as long as the no-no’s are not there in what I read and the dynamic I asked for is even just vaguely followed I will be really really really happy and really I just want you to have fun writing whatever you feel like cooking up, I’m superrrr excited to see your interpretation of my request!!!

[Also Please please send me another ask clarifying you got my answer and also telling me I haven't frightened you with this long ass rambling list of okay’s and no-no’s bc honestly I am just anxiously debating if I should answer this ask like this or yeet half of it and vaguely rewrite the answer.]

Hope you have a great day lovely!! I am once again sorry for being this difficult. ✨💖🤝🏾

[forgivemeimmafloof]

Hahaha...

You have chosen a question that is kind of hard to answer?

See the thing is, I am very picky about my head-canons - especially when it comes to the voice. I don’t mean to brag, but I guess I sorta do; I have a knack for picking out voices. My sister used to test me on it when I was little with bands, asking me to pick out voice’s of the lead singer or the band itself. It pretty much led up to me being really good at picking out voice actors from movies and anime... Of course this makes it hard for me to take the sort of ‘vision’ of a voice that I have in my head and toss it for real voices. So apologies, on one or two of these I searched for the voice I’m thinking of and couldn’t deal with not finding a voice that lives up to my expectations. So instead I just decided to be descriptive. 

UT!Sans - I most often think of Sansfulpuns, but unfortunately they no longer make audios and You can’t really find the voice online. But for a brief description, its deep but not really husky - playful and sweet. Casual and relaxing, puts you at ease. And a super cute laugh, adorable, kills your soul its so precious.

UF/MF - CrashBoombanger. I mean, I love supershadic’s version of Uf!sans, but for the smol Uf!sans that I draw, Its crashboombanger. MF! tho? Seriously, no hesitation it would be supershadic’s version.

US! - Pshattuckproductions’ Us!sans, dude. Dude. DUDE. So precious. I love him, I woulD LAY DOWN MY LIFE-

SF! - The thing is, I’ve always kind of imagined him with this very sultry voice. Super different than UT or UF, Or even US. Just sort of low and silky, but then when he gets emotional like he’s mad or he’s excited his voice gets kind of squeaky and more like Pshattuckproductions’ Us!sans. So he’s 50/50 the mysterious voice on the other end of a phone-call or the guy you ask to watch your kid while you go to dinner. 

Beasttale/gasterblaster: Cr1tikal. Elias has a super awkward sort of stiff voice, and Cr1tikal is perfect for that. No offense to Cr1tikal, I listen to his stuff all the time and it really relaxes me, eemm... ANYWAY. 

HT! - I know literally all of you love my soft big boi, and I would love to pass out what I’d think it sounds like but ummmmm…. I can’t really place his voice. I swear to god I heard it somewhere before, but for the life of me I can’t recount where I heard it. If I do remember I will slam down some video of it, but for now I’ll just pass out a description of it the best I can. His voice is a commanding presence despite he rarely ever speaks above a low inside voice. Its deep, deep and low. Its sounds sort of hollow, like how it feels when you speak in a small room - a suffocating sharpness to how he talks that no wall dares to echo back. Its empty, and each time he pauses to think about what to say next, it feels like the world couldn’t be quieter. It makes you hang onto the edge of your seat, wondering what he’s going to say next - everything he says seems impersonal, like he’s serious about what he says but he doesn’t really care if you listen or not. and When he laughs or seems amused, its clear and not smothered by his usual emptiness, but the tone doesn’t really match the cute expressions he wears - it still feels dark and heavy and evil when it couldn’t be further from the truth.

(Whoops look who got carried away...)

I’m sorry I’m a picky Mun.

~This is a queued post!~

[jenandchris2014]

NomaMexico

F*CKIN UNBELIEVEABLE NIGHT!!!  I'm not a big cusser but there's simply no other way to articulate what transpired a few days ago at #NomaMexico. The meal itself was extraordinary but that was expected.  What was NOT expected was how the evening ended for Chris and me. We somehow ended up spending more than half an hour in the kitchen with two additional impromptu courses that the chef asked his staff to prepare for us. We devoured them while observing the busiest and most elaborate kitchen symphony. WHAT?!!!!  While I wouldn't be naive to say for certain that he never did this for anyone else during his 7 week run of the #popup,  possibly, it could have been?!!!  If he did, it certainly wouldn't have been for any other "regular" folk like us who weren't family/friends/celebrities or any other influential person.  All I can make of everything that happened is that when you speak in the moment and from the heart, the message may also be received wholeheartedly.  I think he just really appreciated our GENUINE admiration/understanding of his dishes AND entire philosophy.

I won't delve too much into the food and experience of #NomaMexico since you can find that online but it was a beautiful 3 hour 14 course love story to MEXICO.  I’m sure I would enjoy any of Chef’s Rene’s creations but growing up in LA where one gets acquainted with Mexican food early on, whether through chalupas served in school lunches or lengua tacos at the stationary street taco truck (not to be confused w/the ubiquitous food trucks of the last decade), I especially cherished it.  Still, it was not as if Chef Rene came to Tulum to create the best "Mexican" food he could. Every dish was new to me (w/the exception of a taco) but at the same time, all cloaked in flavors quite familiar. Specifically, I could taste either chile and/or citrus in almost every course, and the latter particularly worked well to provide a flavorful yet refreshing morsel in a warm jungle setting. Additionally, I noticed the absence of cheese which I thought to be a Mexican staple but only one plate had a tiny sprinkling of it.  I thoroughly appreciated the bright acidity, umami, and heat achieved without heaviness given how long the meal was, not to mention being outside.  That being said, while there were some "wow" ingredients like escamoles (ant larva), the majority of the other ingredients were fairly familiar ones like avocado, chili, lime, pumpkin, etc.. Actually, one of the most memorable courses was also one of the simplest, basically a fruit salad w/a hint of chili oil.  Seriously, it was genius in its simplicity, but somehow out-of-this-world as every single item was just the best MF mango, banana, or whatever we’d ever tasted in life. It was surreal, something so ordinary but SO extraordinary! CRAZY! 

Anyways, now onto the exciting part!   Like with most of our special meals if appropriate, we requested a kitchen tour.  I love seeing the logistics of the stations, the mise en place in action, the layout of the kitchen, and obviously the chef in his/her element.  So after 2.5hours devouring some of the most thought provoking deliciousness perfectly paired with a local wine/mezcal/beer,  Dave, a staff member from Toronto (which obviously wasn’t a coincidence #AttentionToDetail), directed us into the kitchen.  It was absolutely incredible! I couldn't believe they built one like this just to use for seven weeks, but witnessing the symphony in action, it was clear to see how it allowed the flow to be so efficient.   When we commented on this, Dave actually told us that as amazing as NomaJapan was, working in the already existing kitchen of the Mandarin Hotel was a total nightmare.  He added that the Chef will probably never not create his own kitchen for a popup again.  

We continued to ask Dave all sorts of questions, and maybe it was the Canadian in him, but he answered them happily without seeming annoyed. In fact, I feel like he may have perhaps found us refreshing as the staff probably sees hundreds, maybe thousands, of patrons come back just wanting to get their selfie w/the chef. While there's nothing wrong w/that,  I feel like he rewarded our curiosity by taking us on a more thorough tour through the various stations, ranging from the careful placement of each escamole to ladling the perfect amount of the world’s best mole (seriously, I could put this on EVERYTHING. Think something as powerful/addicting/versatile as PioPio’s green sauce)!  He even took us outside and into their extended kitchen outdoors in the jungle where my absolute favorite course was being prepared over an open fire, an octopus wrapped in corn husk cooked in maiz paste (which was served on a bed of the aforementioned mole)!  Afterwards, we passed the dishwashing station (which are all handwashed btw), the staff kitchen, and bbq grills before being led back into the main kitchen.  

When we reentered, Dave made his way toward Chef Rene and he greeted us with a soft smile.  Our entire interaction with him was probably less than a minute, and it’s not like we said anything profound, especially in my daze of complete starstruckness.  Chris told him what he appreciated in one of his favorite courses of the night, and I told him how long I’d been a huge fan of his (pre social media, pre documentaries, pre current food culture btw), but with my tears held back, just barely.  

Then he smiled and said "thank you, excuse me".  We said “of course” and was quite appreciative of even our short time with him since he was super busy.  He walked across the room and had his back toward us which I preferred because my eyes were on him like a stalker.  I recall telling myself to stop staring when the staff member that the chef was talking to caught me doing so.  However, in retrospect, I realize that that staff member was actually looking at us intentionally in reaction to what Chef Rene was telling him.  I’m not sure what words were muttered but it resulted in what ensued in the next 15 minutes or so.   

Dave escorted us to a corner of the kitchen and told us to sit down.  Even at this point, we just thought he was letting us enjoy observing the kitchen for just a tad longer before escorting us out.  We took full advantage of those minutes, and actually, one thing we did notice for the first time were the other patrons, and how much shorter their tours were, a few minutes max before they were escorted out.  Chris and I talked about how lucky we were of Dave’s generosity and also that timing worked out where we were able to catch Chef Rene even for a second.  Then soon afterwards, they set cutlery in front of us and I was a little confused.  Then it hit us... OMFG!!!

They brought out what reminded me of a fried perilla leaf accompanied w/what else,  a bowl of ROSIE’S MOLE!!!   When staff came by catching us in ecstasy to see how we were doing a few minutes later, we commented that we wanted to lick the entire plate of the leftover mole.  Their response, “would you like a tortilla to do that with”?    What?!!!!!  Obvi “YES, yes, YES!”  Shortly after, Dave came by with a plate of tortillas made seconds ago by the women behind him, and said “sorry these tortillas couldn’t be any fresher” ;)

(Our View While Grubbing)

And then when we thought things couldn’t get better, they cleared our plates and brought us another dish!  Softshell crab tacos!!! (yes, it looks like dung, but it was heaven)!  What?!!!  I kept pinching myself, and seriously, I saw Chef Rene across the room checking up on how much we were enjoying ourselves from time to time!  What?!!!!  Even amongst the crazy but genius chaos in his kitchen, he was still monitoring the pulse of his “nobody” guests!  That is serious multitasking and thoughtfulness!

After thoroughly licking off every smear of sauce on our plates, it was finally time to leave the kitchen.  On our way out though, I ambushed the Chef and gave him a hug. We both thanked him again sincerely for this unforgettable experience, took a quick photo, and when he turned around, because one inappropriate forceful surprise hug is just not enough, I gave him another one. His last words were “please go enjoy yourselves and have a few drinks at the bar”, perhaps code for “get away from me now, stalker”! ;)

And so we did!  Chris and I spent half an hour debriefing on what had just happened while taking sips of mezcal, but we couldn’t stay too much longer as we had to get back to our little one.  It’s probably evident though through my overuse of “!!!” that the adrenaline still hasn’t totally worn down even now.  

And as if things couldn’t get any better, fast forward a few days, and I saw Chef Rene post a picture of the soft shell crab that he made tacos for us with on Instagram.  I had never commented on any famous person’s photo before but I felt compelled to knowing full well that a response was unlikely as thousands of people comment on these things.  I was wrong!  Seriously, was this week even real?!!!

Needless to say, an experience truly for the books!  

The End! (You can disregard the rest of this post)