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internalsealpanic · 4 years ago

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Respectful Cannibalism

Summary: Watching mystery movie with a bunch of detective was a bad idea

A/n: While this is part 3 to my Space Case series, you’re not required to read Art Gallery Smile or Cosmonauts to understand the context to this. The only note I do have is that Dick and Steph are friends with Reader much to Tim’s everlasting horror. Special thanks to @littleredwing89 and @glorified-red for proof reading this mess.

Warnings: Tooth rotting fluff and a confusing amount of batkids in one scene.

Main Masterlist

Tim Drake Masterlist

Tim coughs, loud and ragged into the speaker. You find yourself wincing at the phone tucked against your ear. Tim sounds like he’s dying or, at the very least, he’s on his way there.

“I’m so-”

“Fucking tired of saying sorry that you decided to go skinny dipping in Gotham Harbor? Yeah. Great, I’m sick of hearing it too. Glad, we’re on the same page, Space Cadet.” You exasperate, pulling on your jeans violently enough for Tim to hear the angry shuffling of fabric.

“Skinny dipping?” Tim huffs, a fond smile playing on his lips as he drinks in the timber of your voice. Even when you were absolutely exasperated, your voice was still soothing or maybe he just misses your company. God, he’s such a sap.

You shake your head in disbelief. That was his take away? “Yes, Timmy, Buck-ass skinny dipping,” you laugh, coming out derisive and sharp. Tim groans this time filled with guilt. The first few sounds of another ‘I’m sorry’ form in the back of his throat as he runs his hand through his bed head. For once, you’re thankful that you’re nowhere near Tim because you are one apology away from decking him and you’re pretty sure that that’s a terrible thing to do to a sick person, especially one with no brain cells to spare.

“I- You were really looking forward to this (Y/n), don’t try to deny it.” You weren’t going to. He was right. You were looking forward to this date. You were impossibly, unreasonably giddy over the prospect of going to the planetarium with Tim this afternoon. WITH Tim. Sure, you’re pretty down about it but you were the tiniest bit more concerned about the fact that your boyfriend had water in his lungs and almost died of hypothermia for a hot second. You pinch the bridge of your nose, hoping that worry and murder radiate off of you in equal measure. “I was also looking forward to my letter from Hogwarts,” you sneer, pausing dramatically to look at your watch, “and it’s been roughly a decade.” You hear Tim swallow and the hairs on your neck bristle in petty satisfaction.

Tim chortles, a lively sound that startles you, then coughs but the sound comes out somehow sounding doubtful and teasing. Embarrassment flares up in you. “You were too!” you protest, hackles drawn to full height. A short breathy laugh leaves Tim and you feel the flush on your face ease into something softer and more rounded. All the sharpness in your veins dissipates as the flash of fondness for that stupid laugh takes over. You can imagine him warm under the covers smiling at the phone at your blunder. “Please, (y/n), my hopes were dashed when I was 4 and still not in the Jedi order.”

“Bullshit, you were never a child,” you snort, sharpening the grin on your face into something vicious. “I refuse to believe you were ever a child! You probably sprang out of a textbook fully formed- Wait, I’m getting off-topic. ” Tim hums innocently and you narrow your eyes at the phone, hoping he can feel the ‘I am revoking your breathing privileges’ look. “You always are.” Tim says before falling into a coughing fit.

“Sorry, Cosmo, I just keep getting lost in your eyes,” you whisper, pitching your voice rich and caramel smooth. There’s a sound on the other line. Tim is babbling you realize. You hear a shuffle of fabric and a body rising. Tim sucks in a breath, red-faced and caught off guard by the sudden shift in tone. He can practically see the cocky grin playing on your face, the light of the sun reflecting as golden flecks in your eyes. “You can’t even see them!” Tim stammers, glowering at you through the phone. You cackle at him as if sensing the venomous look he’s giving you. “You can barely open them!” Tim rolls his, very much, open eyes, falling back into an unnecessarily large pile of pillows that Alfred insisted was necessary for bed rest with a loud ‘fwoof’. “Yes, I can,” Tim mumbles, sounding young for once. You do your level best to smother a grin on your face. “I’m just really drowsy from the chamomile tea Alfie gave me.” You stop dead in your tracks, one hand half in your coat the other on the doorknob. You blink. “You’re at the Manor?”

Tim pauses, making a frustrated noise. He shouldn’t have said that. “Dick and B… insisted.” This draws another one of your sharp laughs. He says insisted as if it was ever negotiable. “Did they ‘insist’ before or after they blow-dried and hung you out to dry?” Tim squawks and you hear shuffling again. Tim tries to remember why he doesn’t hate you. “Tell me again how you found out about me getting sick? Steph? Cass?”

“Hmmmmmm, Dick.”

“THAT TRAITOR”

“Funny way to pronounce older brother,” you hum smug. You can feel Tim glaring daggers at you. “You-”

“There’s a home theater, yeah?”

Tim pauses, this time longer. “I don’t like where this is going.”

“Answer the question, Space Case.”

He sighs. “Yes.”

“Great! It’s a date then,” you say, mentally preparing a route to the Manor from the vague directions Steph told you once. You could just use the maps app-

“NO!” You freeze. Tim flinches at the volume of his own voice. He whispers an indiscernible ‘I’m sorry’. You turn it over in your mind before speaking. “No?” You ask, trying your best to sound hurt instead of amused. Maybe you should have pitched your voice higher, more shaky. “Look, Tim, I-” Tim heaves a loud sigh. “-(Y/n), you’re fine-” Well, you aren’t, you think. You bite your tongue, physically to make sure you don’t say anything unnecessary. “-It’s got nothing to do with you. It’s- It’s just my siblings...” Tim knows that his siblings have been talking about you.

“Timmy, I can take whatever shovel talk they can give me,” you say with the confidence of someone who has never been dangled over the edge of a roof top. Ok, to be fair, YOU had nothing to worry about. Tim, on the other hand, was going to get roasted alive. Maybe he can persuade you into not- Tim hears the tell tale sputtering of your bike’s engine and he feels his blood pressure spike. The engine genuinely sounds like a death rattle.

“You’ll get sick.”

You swear and he hears another sputter of the engine. “You’ll get sick,” he croaks again, louder this time hopefully over the dying engine. Maybe if your engine dies right now, he’ll be spared from a slow agonizing death via siblings. “Relax Cosmo, I have the strongest ward against whatever you got,” you say, giving the engine a light kick. Tim hears a few metallic clunks then the engine stutters to life. Tim looks up past the ceiling trying to glare at whatever cosmic being resurrected your engine.

“Which is...”

“Being broke. It does wonders for your health.”

“Yeah, I don’t think that’s how it works,” Tim says, shifting burying his head against the too soft pillows. The soft fabric makes his eyes feel heavy. He yawns. He hears the sputter or your laugh. It’s hard to tell from the sudden drowsiness making his head swim.

“I promise I’ll explain to your typical rich kid ass when I get there, Tim.”

“That’s not how it works,” Tim slurs, face pressed into a pillow.

You laugh, he’s sure this time.

“I’m-” Tim’s mind unfocuses and the words you say garble together ”-Tim. ”

Tim blinks, mouth moving to ask you to repeat that but the last thing he hears is a soft click.

On the bright side, it would just be him and Alfred at the manor.

_________________________________________________________

Batmanisfake: I heard (y/n)'s coming over😶

Nightwingingit:👀 How do you even know that?

Batmanisfake: What are you? A cop?

Nightwingingit: say that again but slowly 🙄

Batmanisfake: ...

Damian: He bugged Drake's phone. For blackmail purposes, of course.

Nightwingingit: JASON

The Cool One: Shush Dick! He's onto something

Batmanisfake: Thank you

The Adult: I for once had nothing to do with it😌

Theactualbatman: I'm assuming we're all coming home tonight?

The Cool One: I'll bring popcorn

Damian: Nonsense Pennyworth will likely have some prepared

The Cool One:😭 We really do not deserve that man

Nightwingingit: Definitely

thesaneone: We're recording Tim's face when he sees us, right?

Batmanisfake: From all angles

The Adult: You're all horrible

Batmanisfake: Please like you're not hacking into the cameras as we speak, Babs

The Adult: You have no proof👀

_________________________________________________________

Tim’s head felt thick and gooey like one of Alfred’s custards. He feels like he’s floating, like he’s in a fish tank. There’s a sickly Chlorine smell clogging his nostrils; it smells powdery and sterile and reminds him vaguely of aspirin. Tim blinks. His eyes hurt; they feel puffy and sore and hot. His vision is further obscured by a thick layer of fleece blankets Alfred had piled high over him. He shuts his eyes still feeling too overwhelmed by the low light coming from the window.

Tim thinks he hears his window open with a soft click. Tim quiets his breathing. His hearing is too muddled to process anything beyond it. There’s a soft thud of heavy boots in the room; it’s imperceptible and dreamlike the way it reaches his ears that it has him shifting under the covers trying his best to discern the sound. A dozen lighter footsteps follow it and he can sense 6 shapeless bodies hovering over him.

“Should we wake him up?” asks a voice that vaguely sounds like Cass.

There’s a shuffling sound. Leather, he thinks. “Wait, lemme take a picture.”

“Red, why? It’s not like you can blackmail him with pictures of him sleeping.”

“Because, flashlight, I need proof that Timbo sleeps. ”

“Because?”

“Ok, how many times have you seen him asleep?”

“Uh...”

“Exactly!”

Tim hears a laugh that distinctly sounds like Dick. “Does it count if Alfie drugged him?”

“Maybe?” Steph says, shrugging.

“It doesn’t, Brown.”

“Damn it.”

“Does that mean B doesn’t sleep?”

“Nope.”

Maybe if Tim keeps sleeping, they’ll go away on their own. Tim wraps the sheets tightly around himself, hoping the large stack of fleece would be enough to muffle his siblings.

“I’m pretty sure I have dibs on waking him for opening the window for you shits.”

“Red, anyone could have opened that,” Duke laughs, stepping slightly behind Cass, who at the moment was paying more attention to the moving pile of fabric. Maybe if Tim stays really still she’ll turn her attention to something else.

“Cass and Dickface would have just broken it.‘

“I would not!”

“Sorry, Cass, you would.”

“Steph, whose side are you on?”

“Why is no one defending me?” Dick sighs.

“No one cares, Dickface. And Blondie’s clearly playing for the right team-” Steph cackles. “-none of you have any finesse.”

“Not all of us can be drama queens, Todd.”

“You’re like the third to the last person I wanna hear this from.”

“Third? You’re ranking us now? Who gave you the right?”

“Alfred,” Jason deadpans, “And yeah. Bruce and Dick are first and second.”

“Hey!”

“Can it Mr. Pretty Man Down.”

“That was one-”

“What rank am I?”

“uh … fifth.”

“Fifth?!”

“Sorry, Blondie, Cass has you beat with that ballet kick thingy.”

“Ok, yeah I can accept that. What about Babs?”

“What about Babs? The woman can kick my ass six ways to Sunday. ”

Tim’s head throbs all over. There are soft pin pricks pressing on the sole of his left foot; his leg jerks involuntarily. He wants to scream. Tim swears under his breath. A gloved hand pries the covers away from Tim’s face. Tim squints his eyes open only to be greeted by Dick’s kind, but still very punchable, face. Tim takes a long rasp, pinching his features in a mix of annoyance and despair. “Why are you-” Cough! “-here?”

There’s a slight quirk to Dick’s smile.“They wanted to meet (y/n),” Dick explains in a sweeping theatrical motion of his hand across the room directing Tim’s attention to the expressions on his sibling’s expressions which were all a variation of devious scheming.

“How did-” cough. “- you even know-” cough. “-(y/n) was coming?” Tim asks, shooting up from his pile of pillows causing a couple of blankets to topple to the floor to the ground. Tim’s lightheaded. He suddenly feels a shift in his balance, a feeling of vertigo. He nearly topples to the ground, his blood not quite catching up to his movements, when feels hands wrap around his shoulders. “Woah there Baby Bird, slowdown.”

“Answer-” Cough!

“It was Todd.”

“You mutant sperm!”

“Jay, aren’t we all mutant sperm?” Steph laughs, slinging one arm over an irate Damian’s shoulders and another over a fuming Jason’s shoulders. Tim groans, sounding pained. “How much do I need to pay each of you to get all of you to go away?”

“A lifetime of IOUs,” Dick says, casually.

“NO!”

“All of your share in W.E.,” Duke says, laughing. Steph elbows him lightly, also laughing. “You’re shooting prelow there, Slick,” Steph teases. Duke shrugs still grinning. “Gotta keep it realistic, yanno?” Steph and Duke keep bickering.

“Drake, kindly, pay with your life.”

Tim scrunches his nose. “I’m already on my deathbed, you know, dying. What else do you want from me?”

“A more agonizing death.”

Jason grins, tilting his chin. “C’mon, Timbo, we can help with your little impromptu date.” Tim groans, placing his face in his hands. “Please just help me dig my own grave.”

“What would be the fun in that, Timbo?”

“For you or for me?”

“Come on, Tim, it’ll be fine,” Cass says, clearly not believing the words herself. All seven of them dissolve into another round bickering. Damian, Jason, and Steph hellbent on giving Tim an aneurysm. Duke and Cass playing at being neutral; Duke leaning on Tim’s side but laughing way too hard at Steph’s well placed jabs; Cass is only mildly siding with Tim to spite Jason. Why this time? Tim has no clue.

The string of banter is broken up by the echoing the doorbell. Tim’s heart seizes as they all fall silent, enraptured by the odd sound of a doorbell filling the hallowed halls of Wayne Manor. The chiming of bells ends with the creaking of the large oak doors in the front of the manor.

Before Tim’s sluggish brain could even formulate a thought, all of his siblings are all bounding towards the door, bouncing off the walls and flipping over obstacles. Tim scrambles, lagging, after the hoard of vigilantes barrelling towards you. Tim tries to shout after his siblings but his voice is drowned out by raucous laughter and bickering.

You stand at the door, head haloed by the pale afternoon light as the sky catches fire, flecks of snow sparkling in your hair. You tuck a strand of your hair behind your ear as you sheepishly thank Alfred as he takes your coat.

Tim struggles to breathe an he genuinely doesn’t know if it’s because of his lungs, you, or the fact that of all his siblings, Babs was the one who got there first and Tim genuinely doesn’t know if Babs is there to hold off the gaggle of vigilantes or to scare you off. From the jovial grin wrinkling your features, Tim’s pretty sure Babs just gave you some blackmail material instead of putting you through the ringer- an equally scary outcome. For your part, you don’t look even slightly phased by the fact that Babs is in a wheelchair or even by the way she’s clearly sizing you up. All of this rolls off of you with an easy motion of your shoulders as you answer her questions in the most frustratingly oblique way based off of Babs’s expression. Tim can’t help the curve on his lip as you blatantly dodge another of Babs’s questions with a smile. You spot him, winking, and the tips of Tim’s ears flush.

Your cocky demeanor fades when a gaggle of batbrats crowd you; nervousness creeps into your form, ironing out your posture into something unnatural and defensive. “Is this a bad time?” You ask through a tight lipped smile. Babs glares at them but doesn’t make any effort to hide the satisfaction at your shaken demeanor. “Don’t mind them, Sweetie,” Babs says, patting your back and guiding you away from the gaggle. You shuffle awkwardly, trying to coax your spine back into a more natural curve.

“(Y/n)!” Tim manages between gasps for air. Making a person with non functioning lungs run has to be some sort of human rights violation. His voice is louder than he anticipated. He realizes, but the apprehension in his body flits away when you beam at him-a wide cheeky smile that has his body vibrating with delight. He made you smile like that, Tim thinks, heart swelling almost enough to soften the impact of the next few words. “Hey, Duckie!” you chirp tilting your face in a cute lopsided smile.

“Duckie?” Jason sniggers.

Duke’s face passess from confusion, realization, then amusement in a matter of three seconds.“Duckie? As in ‘quack quack’?” Duke asks, pretending to still be dumbstruck.

“Yes, Duckie, Tommy Terrific,” you say, the lopsided smile curving into a playful grin. The dumb nicknames earn you a loud, surprisingly nonthreatening, approving laugh from Jason who then says “We’ll keep those nicknames in mind” which just drags pained looks from both Tim and Duke. Dick and Damian on the other hand look absolutely delighted.

“(Y/n), tell them about the other nicknames,” Steph says, grinning savagely. Your eyes widen and you wrinkle your nose, mouth twitching from side to side, trying to pretend away the heat rising from your cheeks. “Not on your life, Stephie.”

“Aaaaaw! Not even for lil ol’ me?” Dick pouts, throwing his arms around you. The familiarity of the action has Tim bristling. “Pleeeeeaaase,” Dick whines; a smile hidden in your hair, “not even for Alfred’s cookies?” You make a noise caught between a laugh and a groan. “Hmmmm… maybe? Throw in some candy.”

“Deal.”

Tim blinks. “You’d betray me for sugar?”

“Cus I ain’t getting any while you’re sick,” you cackle, grinning along with Dick who looks way too pleased with the outcome of the conversation. Tim desperately wants to melt into the floor. Looking at all his siblings who are eagerly awaiting for the litany of nicknames, Tim cuts in. “Let’s just go watch that film.”

“What are we watching?” Cass asks, leaning to look over your shoulder, clearly shoving Dick out of the way. Dick does his best to not budge.

“What do you mean ‘we’?”

“We are under a communist regime, Timbo. We’re all watching it together,” Jason says, slinging Tim over his shoulder.

“Have a heart, Drake. We only want to spend family time together,” Damian says, somehow still looking imperious even from where Tim is dangling. A dull ache starts spreading across Tim’s like his skull is being squeezed.

“Hope you guys like Clue,” you say, fishing it out of your cornucopia of unhealthy junk food. “I figured you detectives would like a good mystery.” Dick snorts taking the disc from you and reading over the contents efficiently. “Bet you I can get the ending even before any of you.”

“No, you won’t,” Jason barks, setting off a long winded argument about who the best detective is.

“Didn’t you say you would eat me if I spoiled another mystery movie for you? Are you planning to eat my entire family?” Tim croaks quietly. You scrunch your nose, twitching your mouth four times to the left and four and a half times to the right. “Technically, what I said was ‘I’ll respectfully go back to juvie for cannibalism if you spoil another movie that night’,” you hiss low, trying not to draw attention to your conversation. Unfortunately for you, his siblings have good hearing.

“And this is different how?” Tim asks, this time not bothering to control his volume.

“You’ll never figure out the ending,” You say smiling innocently. Tim rolls his eyes and huffs a ‘we’ll see’. It doesn’t wipe the smile off of your face.

As it turns out, the Wayne Manor theater is less of a theater and more of a bean bag storage closet with a large screen. Jason tosses Tim unceremoniously into one of the random bean bags in front of the couch before gracefully pirouetting into the couch. You chuckle and continue your search for something to put your Bluray in, just now realizing that you should have probably just asked for their Netflix password or something. Alfred appears out of nowhere handing Jason and Cass each a bowl of buttery popcorn and scolding Jason about manhandling his brother in front of a guest. Jason looks unrepentant. No surprises there. With a swat on the back of Jason’s head, Alfred turns to you, gloved hands extended out to you. “I can take that."

“Oh… Uh thanks- Thank you,” you stammer. To your left, Tim snickers and your hand slip, somehow the blanket Babs handed you finds its way to Tim’s face. “Shut up, Ducktective. He’s practically your grandpa and I kinda wanna make a good impression,” you hiss, cheeks warming. Tim coughs, a little dumbfounded. Somehow it hadn’t occurred to him that you were nervous about this.

Tim checks if his brain is on straight before speaking. “Relax, you haven’t physically assaulted me or any of my family yet so you’re immediately at the top of Alfie’s list.” You open your mouth to speak then curl it into a frown, looking appalled and concerned. Apparently, his brain wasn't on as straight as Tim thought. "Am I going to have to fight your exes? At some point?"

"No!"

"Yes!" Steph says, handing you a red bean bag. Tim scowls at Steph as he watches the color drain from your face. She just shrugs and goes off to annoy Dick.

“Mr. Boddy?” Damian asks incredulously, reading the box summary again. “You’re kidding.”

“Nope,” you laugh, setting your bean bag next to the one Jason dropped Tim in. Damian rolls his eyes. “This is a stupid movie. Do people really consume this drivel?”

You scrunch your nose but don’t put too much heart into glaring. Thankfully, color is now returning to your face. “The movie hasn’t even started yet!”

“Relax (y/n), the tiny mutant sperm is just playing elitist,” Steph says, plopping next to Jason and eyeing his bowlful of buttery popcorn.

“As long as it isn’t as bad as the Happening-”

“Dude, you live in a city with Poison Ivy. That thing is pretty much a documentary,” Duke says hesitantly taking the spot between Steph and Cass.

"Please, for the love of Alfie, please, talk about something else," Dick whines, plopping a bean bag next to Tim. Jason’s face twists in confusions before his eyes light up and untwists into an expression with amusement. "Is it because of the-" Dick hits him square in the face with a pillow, all the while screeching "Think of the children!"

"Where, Dickface?" Jason ask, prompting Dick to point(jazz hands) at Damian who rolls his eyes. Jason does the same, looking younger than the toughened exterior suggested. "That's a gremlin, Dickface. Not a child."

"He is-"

"SHUSH! The movie is starting!"

You giggle, curling into Tim's side and placing your head in the crook of his neck where you usually like to put it. Tim's insides shiver from the contact and his hands automatically coil around you, pressing his nose into your hair.

"Jeez, her melons are big," Babs says flatly taking another handful of Dick's popcorn from Damian. Cass snorts and Tim feels embarrassment creep into his skin. He flicks his eyes to you, only to find you smiling into his side.

"They're almost as big as Dick's," you chuckle.

"Nah, Jason is bigger," Cass pipes.

You eye Jason openly which makes the large man cross his arms over his chest. "Huh, you're right," you note with more confusion than anything.

"Bruce has moobs too!" Jason protests, red-faced.

"Son, why?"

The chatter falls silent when the figure at the edge of the room settles itself into the large leather recliner in one corner of the room. You squint your eyes to distinguish its features from the rest of the shadows in the room; only to be greeted by the solemn features of Bruce Wayne. Your breath catches and you feel your skin jump twenty feet in the air. Everyone else in the room seems to have about the same reaction even as he pulls a lever to raise the foot rest. You all follow his movements with interest.

“Is Bruce trying to relax?” Duke whispers to Cass who shrugs in response. Steph rolls her eyes, reaching over Duke to try and snatch some popcorn from Jason who just raises his bowl higher. “Shhhhh, Duke, let the B man try to play human,” she says, snatching at the popcorn til the bowl just falls on Jason’s head.

“He’s trying I guess.” This draws a startled chuckle out of you that you try to press in Tim’s neck. The vibrations against his skin has him shivering.

“B, are you ok?” Dick asks. This makes Bruce’s features move in a slightly concerned fashion which in Bruce speak is very concerned. “Yes, why?”

“Ooooh, no reason, old man.” He turns to Babs. “Yeah that’s not Bruce. Five bucks says it’s a robot.” Babs snickers, grabbing a ten from her purse. “Ten says it’s an alien.” You twist to look at them, taking out a twenty. “Twenty says it’s just Mr.Wayne.” Jason sneers at you, taking your money. “You clearly don’t know the old man.”

“Can we please just watch this film in peace?” Bruce groans, running a hand over his face, finally looking more like the long suffering single dad of eight kids that he should be. Babs looks over her shoulder, slinging Bruce an absolutely disbelieving look. “Do you even know your children?”

“Yes, father, have you even watched us bond?” Damian asks, using his free hand to do air quotes for the word ‘bond’ while using the other to try and swipe some popcorn from Cass. It doesn’t work.

“That definitely isn’t Bruce,” Dick hisses, trying to shield his own bowl of popcorn from an irate Damian.

“SHHHHHH! I can’t hear the movie!”

“It’s definitely the butler,” Dick declares. Damian scowls, throwing a pillow at him which Dick catches with ease. “Grayson, the movie has barely started.”

“It’s definitely the butler. It’s gotta be. It’s always the butler.”

“That’s very offensive to Alfred, Dick,” Cass says, grinning. Alfred sniffs poshly in his own recliner. Dick recoils but Jason piles on. “Very classist of you, Dickiebird.”

Duke snorts. “Nah, I think he’s just saying it because Tim Curry was Pennywise the Clown.”

“Why would you trust a clown?”

“Oh my god, why are you guys comparing Alfred to a clown?”

“We are not!”

“This conversation is a trainwreck,” Tim groans into your hair. “Dunno, Tim, it sounds like a success,” you laugh, pressing closer. His eyes flick between you and his siblings. “You planned this.” You look up at him, failing to flatten a smile. “Nope.”

“I say it’s Ms. Scarlett,” Bruce says, rubbing his chin contemplatively.

“You’re just saying that cus she reminds you of Selina,” Tim huff, grinning and you’re half tempted to pinch his cheeks. Bruce cuts him a scathing look that has you shrinking; the grin on Tim’s face just broadens which just makes the playful scowl on Bruce’s face deepen. “Need I remind you who pays for the internet?”

“Alfred?” Tim asks, innocently.

“Careful Tim, B man might actually do it. Hell, he’ll probably do it if he finds out what you did last Thursday.”

“Do you mean the explosion on Fifth?” you ask, turning to Steph. Steph gives you a firm nod; in the corner of your eye, you can see Bruce arching a brow. Tim gapes at you looking absolutely gutted. “What happened to snitches get stitches?” Tim protests.

You shrug, grinning. “Sorry, Duckie, I stand by my cookie dealer. Who do you think sneaks Duke and me cheetos in Western Civilization? I stand by my fellow barbarian.”

“You know Duke?”

“I pay him to-”

“Shhhhh!”

“You guys are talking too!”

“At least, it’s movie related!” Damian hisses.

You throw up your hands with an exaggerated flail. “Fine!”

“I say it’s the shifty looking lady,” Jason declares, reaching over Duke and Steph to try and snatch some popcorn from Cass. You wonder why Jason doesn’t just snatch some from Alfred since he’s closer. You try to ask Tim but he just shakes his head at you. “Ms.Peacock?” Cass asks, shoving Jason’s face away with butter covered fingers. Duke tries to snatch a few kernels in the confusion only to get his hand swatted. “I think he means Mrs. White,” he says, waving his hand. “Yeah that one.”

“It’s the butler! It’s always butler!” Dick protests.

“I will fucking riot if it’s the butler!” Steph shoots back.

“It can’t be the butler.”

“Why not, Dami? He has motive.”

Damian rolls his eyes.“Gordon, why are you siding with Grayson?-” Babs opens her mouth to answer but Damain continues before she can get another syllable out “-nevermind. He doesn’t have as much motive as the rest of them. Besides, does he really look competent enough to hold a gun left alone with a knife?”

Tim raises his chin from your head. “Demon Spawn, your standards for butlers is too high. Alfred is-”

“You say this like you have plenty of references.”

“Oh, Tommy Terrific, Duckie here is a posh bastard,” Jason sneers ruffling Tim’s hair. From the way, some of his hairs stick up you could guess that he still had some butter in his hand. Tim makes a face of disgust; you try your best to help him with his hair. “Jay, you say that but you’re like Mr. I need the correct type of wood for my bookshelves,” Steph laughs. “Just because I’m not a slob like the rest of you walking disasters doesn’t mean I’m posh.”

“Yes, it does. You lived here. Yanno with Alfie,” Dick says, pulling out another pack of snacks he’d managed to snag from your bag. You’re not gonna ask at this point. Tim gives you a look which roughly translates to ‘I am very sorry for my trainwreck of a family’. You snort at him before turning towards his sibling. “I mean look at Cass. She’s still feral.” If looks could kill, the look Cass give you would melt your bones. Thankfully, Damian opens his mouth. “They’re all feral.” You have a sense that you’ve also been insulted. You hear Babs to your right laugh derisively. “You say this like you’re any less feral than the rest of us.”

“I am-”

“Are any of you still watching the movie?” Bruce asks and for the second time that night, your body tries to divorce your soul. You had almost forgotten that yes, you are watching Clue with the fucking Batman. You shift in your seat suddenly feeling a twinge of nervousness. Before the discomfort could nestle in you, Jason speaks up. “No, Bruce, we’re just watching Cass vacuum the popcorn into her stomach. What do you think?”

“You guys didn’t ask,” Cass says through a mouthful of popcorn knowing full well that’s a lie.

“How can any of you be watching it? All you’ve done is talk over the dialogue.” You almost laugh at how exasperated he sounds. Beside you, Tim just snickers and shakes his head.

Damian just looks at his father from his bean bag next to Dick. “Father, we can talk and listen. ” Dick, like the mature adult that he is, slaps his knee laughing. “I don’t think B is capable of that.”

“PREACH” was followed by a chorus of AMENs.

"Alfred, what have I done to turn my children against me?" Bruce asks, tiredly leaning back into his recliner.

"Master Bruce, how would you like me to list it?"

"Alfred not you too," Bruce groans, putting his hands in his eyes.

"Yeah! Alfie's on our side!" Jason cheers.

"Quite."

"Alfie is always the sensible one," Cass chuckles sensibly between bites. You hear varying noises of agreement and Bruce ages from suave debonair to extremely tired single dad.

"I assume Alfred is actually the boss here."

"Yeah, Bruce is actually on the bottom of the food chain here," Tim says. You tilt your head in contemplation. "Yanno that makes Batman so much less scary."

"B-man's just a giant softie," Steph chirps, slinging her legs over Duke and Cass's laps narrowly missing the nearly empty bowl of popcorn.

Dick turns to you winking. "Yeah, just give him the puppy eyes and he'll get you anything you want in 2 seconds flat."

"Dick…"

"It's true!"

"Even a carnival?"

"Can we please just watch the movie?" Bruce says, in an almost pleading voice.

"I wouldn't hold my breath, old man," Jason chuckles, earning a glare from both Bruce and Damian. "It's not like you know how to shut up, Todd."

"Sorry, I don’t speak gremlin."

"That's bull Jay!"

"MOVIE IS STILL GOING ON! SHUT YOUR CAKE HOLES."

“I TOLD YOU IT WAS THE BUTLER.”

“Yes, yes, it has been publiced and noted, Birdie,” you giggle into Tim’s side, shaking your head. He wraps his arm around you, pressing a kiss into your hair, winking at you. “Does it count?” Tim asks over his shoulder. A look passes between him and Cass. “I don’t think so,” she says grinning.

“It so does! It’s one of the endings,” Dick protests vehemently. Jason’s mouth flattens then curls into a grin. “By that logic, the old man is right too.”

Dick thinks for a moment, tapping his chin. “Well, we can’t have that.”

“Why not?” Bruce protests.

"I'm still sticking with the butler. I'm sorry this is the only logical conclusion."

"He wasn't even an actual butler you butter brain!" Steph protests, throwing a pillow at Dick.

"I'm sorry but can we address why you're all mounting a mutiny against me?"

"Teenage rebellion!" Dick answers.

"Chum, you're not even a teenager."

"Father's right. At most, Grayson is five years old," Damian pipes from beside Dick seemingly unaffected by his brother's pout.

"Alfred, you're going to have to check my blood pressure before patrol."

"Quite, sir."

“They’re all so dramatic just like you said,” you whisper into Tim’s shoulder.

“I AM NOT DRAMATIC”

“Ah, yes, because the pretty man pose is so pragmatic.” Damian deadpan.

"That was one time, you assholes!"

"Hey, what else did Timmy say?"

"Well he- Oh wait!" You fish out your phone and Tim snacthes it away faster than you can blink. "No-" cough "-you don't." Cough.

Jason snatches it from him, snickering at the photo of Tim kissing you on the cheek. You're pretty sure Tim has a matching photo with you kissing him on the cheek. "Nice lockscreen, (y/n)."

"Oh, you should see the homescreen!"

"No. Please don't. You might need eye bleach."

"Relax Space Cadet, it’s not that one."

"Ohohoho, what didn't you want big daddy bats to see? Haaa, Timbo?"

Tim turns every shade of red before settling on fire hydrant red. "None of your business!"

Bruce clears his throat, looking at a stupidly expensive watch. “It’s time.” Dick springs up, stretching and showing off. “Is it really that time already?” Steph asks in almost a whine. Duke and Cass take the opportunity to shove her off and sadly, she lands with a loud thud and a mangled curse. You wince but laugh unsympathetically which simply earns you a face full of dust covered popcorn. You frown at her and she grins at you as Jason hauls her up by her hoodie. “C’mon Blondie. Let’s leave the love birds alone.”

“It’s not like they’re actually gonna be alone. Alfie’s here. So is Babs.”

“I’m going back to my place. You people give me a headache.”

“You say that like you weren’t having fun,” Dick teases, walking after her.

“I’ll be down in the cave if you need me,” Alfred says waving at both of you. “Will do, Alf,” Tim yawns, nuzzling into your hair.

Cass pops her head back in. “Make sure Tim doesn’t do anything stupid,” She calls back. You grin, bright and wolfish. “Don’t worry! He can’t do me while he’s sick.” You hear Bruce choke in the hall and you just know that you’ll mentally kick yourself for that later. Luckily for you, Tim physically kicks you now. “What the hell?!” Cough. “Sorry, got caught in the moment.” You huff, trying to look a little sorry. Tim just glares more. “You’re not even close to sorry.”

“Ok. Yeah.”

“I have no idea why I love you sometimes.”

“My amazing personality?”

“Sure.”

“Love you too, Tim,” you chirp, kissing him. Tim’s lips feel hot after the quick peck and he pulls you closer. “I love you but I was pretty sure my family was gonna eat you alive.”

“They would have done it,” you hum, pausing before adding, “respectfully.”

Tag list: @batarella, @anothertimdrakestan, @lucy-roo, @multifandomgirl-us, @idkmanicantenglish,@birdy-bat-writes, @boosyboo9206, @americasmarauders , @l-inkage, @arestorationofbalance , @cloudie-skay, @wunderstell @hyp-oh-critical @glorified-red

#tim drake imagines #tim drake x reader #Tim Drake #batfamily x reader #batfam #reader insert #dc fanfiction #dc reader insert #bruce wayne #Alfred Pennyworth #dick grayson #Damian Wayne #Jason Todd #stephanie brown #cassandra cain #duke thomas #batman #batfamily headcanon #batboys

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honorable-wanderings · 4 years ago

Text

Word of Honor - Episode 4 Part 1 - Horsing Around

ALRIGHT! IT’S TIME FOR EPISODE 4! ARE YOU READY? WHO’S EXCITED? ARE YOU EXCITED? I’M EXCITED!

HELL YEAH LET’S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!!

-----------------------------

Oh and we’re starting off with such a lovely establishing shot too!

Even if these guys were going crazy in the corner here. Wiggle Wiggle Wiggle.

-----------------------------------------

[aw nuts]

Poor Wen KeXing looks so bored and lonely waiting for his boys to show up. So patient. So dedicated. You just don’t find stalkers like this now-a-days. It’s all online. They don’t even put in the proper footwork.

-------------------------------------

Fuck they’re here! Alright Wen KeXing! Stay calm! Play it cool! Suave and debonair just like we practiced! You got this! You GOT this!

“Oh? Y’all woke up? Now that you’re here would you like to sample my nuts?” FLAWLESS!

“No”.

---------------------------

♪Say my naaame say my naaame♪

“No.”

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Well whatever. Here. Have some horses.

-------------------

This humble best boy thanks you most kindly for spoiling me as well since you have the hots for the person looking out for me. :D

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“We met by chance”???? Son I have literally been stalking you for days! (weeks? I’m not sure on the time frame). Don’t you belittle my effort here!

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Time cannot measure the depth of... mm... how do I put this in a kid friendly way... Mmmm let’s just say... Your Uncle Zhou and I are really good friends ;) ;) ;)

------------------------------

Sorry to interrupt your flirting but the plot wanted to introduce itself to you again. :D

Um excuse us. We were working on a found family plot. Can you please wait your fucking turn?

----------------------

After blindly trusting a bunch of strangers, ChengLing finally finds himself learning about the concept of “stranger danger”. He cozies up to one of the strangers he blindly trusted earlier to hope he will protect him from the new strangers.

Wen KeXing is maybe a little jealous of the proximity.

-------------------------

Even though I just went off about the dangers of strangers, I do love how much ChengLing trusts him. Like seriously. And to be fair Zhou ZiShu has proven his trustworthiness a few times over by now. But yeah. Just. I love these characters. I love them.

------------------------

Leader Shen? Never heard of the bitch. Be on your way.

----------------------

Beggar Gang: *Starts to drop friendly pretense and become more threatening* Wen KeXing: Try it bitch. I don’t need red eyeliner to fuck you up.

---------------------------------------

“Why don’t you give up being a beggar and become a lawyer instead?”

HOW DARE YOU DISRESPECT US? WE WILL SURROUND YOU LIKE LASAGNA!!!

---------------

Okay Wen KeXing I am going to trust you for the first time to do something very very important, okay? Watch my boy. Do you understand?

😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😍

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Bitch pls

Yeet

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Superhero landing!! (Very hard on the knees)

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He kicked so hard he knocked the camera into a dutch angle!

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Dem abs must be ROCKIN’! Well as the say, Waist not, Want not. ;)

--------------------

Aw nuts

--------

angy!

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Hmmmmmm Interesting 🤔

-------------------------------

One man has the bright idea to stop fighting the random blue guy and just take the kid.

Give this man a promotion.

----------------

Wen KeXing has one job (to watch ChenLing) but even taking that purely literally he’s not even doing that right.

----------------------

We interrupt this martial arts tournament to bring you this clip from the Looney Tunes.

---------------

Wen KeXing you asshole! I gave you ONE job!

What? you told me to watch him so I’m watching him! I’m watching him run around!

He’s cute. But you’re cuter. ;) ;) ;)

--------------------------

Le Gasp! Do you? My Dearest A-Xu? Require my assistance? Do you desire my help? My support? My cooperation? My Reinforcement? For me? Little old me? to back you up?????

Then you’d better fucking say it. >;)

-----------------------

Aw beans

----------

We interrupt your Looney Tunes clip to bring you a different Looney Tunes clip.

And now back to your previously interrupting Looney Tunes clip.

---------------------

This shit was purely for the aesthetic.

----------------

Really? Really??? We’re going with the ‘rolled up wet towel’ technique? Where did you train for this one? The men’s locker room?

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“Your soft sword is too soft”

------------------------

YOU BETTER BACK THE FUCK UP

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I take back what I said about this guy being smart. Jump over the tale. Throw the table. Move faster. He’s 14 and not well trained in martial arts. Just fucking grab him!!! (Also do not grab him you are not worthy to touch the best boy. )

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Commence Fight Phase 2. Enemy weapons upgraded.

--------------------------

HEY! HEY YOU WEREN’T ACTUALLY SUPPOSED TO FOLLOW MY ADVICE! DIDN’T YOU SEE THE DAMN PARENTHESES??? YOU ARE NOT PERMITTED TO TOUCH!!

---------------------------

Uh guys? Thanks for the offer to help, but the stubble is an intentional aesthetic choice.

--------------------

Another superhero landing

This time with 24% more blood! :D

--------------------------

Wait! Someone might actually be able to lay a hand on my future husband????

NOT ON MY WATCH!

---------------

Aw nuts

----------------------

🎳 Strike!!!🎳

-----------------------

Such a good boy. <3

---------------

Zhou ZiShu finally remembers watching Howl’s Moving Castle and takes ChenLing to the sky. Bye losers!

-------------------

Oh look. My crush left. Guess I don’t have to hide that I’m evil anymore :D :D :D

----------------------------------

Hot DAMN!

This is a good shot.

------------------

Jesus fuck.

------------------------------

Okay I may be Ace as FUCK but even I can appreciate this scene.

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Local Man pretending to be deathly ill starting to accidentally reveal that he may actually be deathly ill.

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ChengLing is just so sweet and genuinely thoughtful of others! Like it’s his first instinct always to be kind, especially to those he cares about. Just

BEST. BOY.

Unfortunately Zhou ZiShu is a prickly hedgehog.

----------

Hmmmm I see a cicada.

-----------------------

----------------------

Uuuuugh... gross. :|

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Always remember to wash your hands as often as possible. :D

-------------------

What the actual fuck? I was gone for 15 fucking minutes????

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

--------------

Neeyyeyyyyyuuuughhh DX DX DX

-----------------

TBC...

#Word of Honor #Shanhe Ling #zhou zishu #wen kexing #zhang chengling #Writing WoH #Episode 4 #spoilers #long post

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readbythestarlight · 4 years ago

Text

c2e118

I need the Hello Bees shirt immediately!!

Is that?? New art??

Jester, Caleb, and Veth look good...

Yasha’s... not so much. Something is off about the face I think? Too many sharp angles or something. Honestly though nobody draws Yasha buff enough tbh. Except the first one, maybe

Cad’s is good though! In fact I LOVE Cad’s.

Beau! YES!

Fjord’s is good too 10/10 into that one

Overall I like this new set MUCH better than I liked the second set.

[[MORE]]

Beau looking for a flower hmmmmmm? :)))))

Hmmmmmmmmmm???

For whooooo Beau?

For Yasha maybeeeee :))))

VETH

This is her second time to go over a cliff since they got to this snowy hellscape lol

Oh no, Cad’s shield!

Yasha’s like "should we also sled down?" Right after seeing Veth go over an edge xD

Beau’s lesbian realization backstory

His name was definitely not Tony xD

Uriah?

"Associate of Essek, Uriah here—"

Right okay so why not call them yourself hot boi? Or can you not

"Tell him we like him a lot and we miss him"

T: "you went full Robin Hood. Never go full Robin Hood."

Boy they are being SUPER goofy rn xD

Aw Jester

Cad likes to confuse his family so you did great

Oof those rolls...

Thank goodness Yasha managed anything

"You are my favorite weird wizard friend" lol

TWO POINTS of exhaustion?!

Damn

Wait

Seven figures

I don’t like this

Y’all get away from this

This is Y’ALL somehow I just know it

It’s like some sort of bad omen

Like what if Lucien is stringing them along because they’re needed as some sort of sacrifice or something

Okay elf, okay, then it’s NOT them so I feel better

I was like convinced man

Don’t TOUCH

We have been OVER this

Y’all what is wrong with you

Don’t like

Oh NO what is it taking from her???

WHAT DID IT TAKE

Oh fuck it took LIFE??

That was the most concise message Jester has ever sent

Caleb: “hey btw if we have time check with her and see if she thinks the CA would be cool with us killing Trent”

Oh boy this is spooky

Oh damn it’s a hive mind full of magic knowledge

See early series Caleb would have been VERY interested in that I bet

Caleb: “let’s not tell Essek about this”

Cad: “Let’s be honest and tell him it’s not knowledge, it’s chaos and destruction and badness”

I appreciate Cad’s faith in Essek

Caleb: “I honestly don’t trust him enough” ouch *clutches my heart*

I mean they’re probably not wrong about Essek but it pains me

Right see NOW what I want is Essek helping them and being enticed by the city and them having to draw him away from his own destruction through the power of friendship

I also am hoping that Caleb’s distrust of Essek comes from recognizing something of himself in Essek. Like knowing that he himself would have risked things to reach for this, and so he knows Essek would too.

Calling on ya hot boi to help yesss

Essek is gonna be real concerned, Jester never sounds this alarmed

Go to them, hot boi, go!

Ohh?

Fjord just making random private “I was really worried about you” confessions

The one time he doesn’t jump in to protect her and he feels really bad

“I don’t want you to gamble with yourself”

I’m having feelings he’s so WORRIED about her

Oh god he’s so shaken up after this?? Like I knew she would be but Travis is killing me with the emotion in the voice

“I told your mother I’d look after you”

“I care very much for you”

Y’ALL

“Is it because I have chiseled cheekbones now?”

“It’s the longer horns”

“Can I kiss you?”

AH HOLY FUCK

THEY KISSeD

I’m HAVING SO MANY FEELINGS GUYS

“I can’t promise I’m just going to let you throw yourself at this thing. I don’t think I can do that.”

“I don’t have an argument.”

Y’all I did NOT expect Fjorjester to be the first couple to kiss but I am SO happy now

Like I’ve loved watching their relationship grow from something immature and awkward and uncomfortable to genuine mature and confident feelings

Marisha is me rn

TRAVIS IS SO RED lol

And he initiated!! So cute!!

I’m LIVING you guys this is the best end to my week

Man guys the Cad and Fjord art are really both just so good

This is spooky and I don’t like it

It’s basically Pompey

Oh shit the DRAGON ITs like the dragon’s place!!

Now that I know the Traveler isn’t a creep who’s using Jester I ADORE him

This is all like spooky kinda of similar to other places they’ve been??

“Development Laboratory Procedures”

“Primordial Applications”

“Biological Weapons Research”

“Emergency Flesh” or flush? I can’t tell

Thanks I hate it

Yeah yeah see I hate the giant old baby noise, 0/10

Hate hate haaaate that noise

Thanks Matt I hate it

NOOOOO

I HATE IT SO MUCH

MATT WHY

Godddddd

#critical role #cr spoilers #emi watches critical role #critical role spoilers

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ducktracy · 5 years ago

Text

153. pigs is pigs (1937)

release date: january 30th, 1937

series: merrie melodies

director: friz freleng

starring: martha wentworth (mrs. hamhock), berneice hansell (piggy, children), billy bletcher (mad scientist)

one of friz’s most iconic cartoons during this time period, and the first to debut his favorite “hold the onions!” gag. also the second (and final) appearance of piggy hamhock and co. all disobedient piggy wants to do is sit inside and eat all day, and it seems his dream comes true—but when a mad scientist gets involved, his appetite is quickly ruined.

an underscore of “when my dream boat comes home” opens the cartoon, a score that would be occasionally used by stalling (featured prominently in porky’s badtime story and later tick tock tuckered). in the quaint countryside resides a warm, happy home, a family of pigs dancing in circles and laughing. everyone is happy and content—except for one. piggy hamhock strolls around the yard, with visions of hotdogs (questionable for a pig), turkeys, pies, corn, and watermelons dance in his head, sighing cravingly. he parks himself on a bench just outside the house, licking his lips as he imagines the food he can’t have.

just then, fortune strikes. mrs. hamhock dotingly places two pies on the open windowsill to cool, and, of course, the fresh, inviting fumes waft straight into piggy’s trajectory. such a lovely detail as piggy’s eyes grow wider and wider with each eager sniff—food! even better is the animation as he snags one of the pies from the windowsill, spins it around on his finger, and devours the edges as it spins around, reducing it to nothing, popping the “core” of the pie in his mouth last. piggy reaches for the other pie, preparing to dive in, but finds himself feasting on pork instead as he bites his own hands, the pie snagged out of his grip from an offscreen mrs. hamhock.

mrs. hamhock is devastated, lecturing “my nice, fresh pies! look what you have done to them! and i’ve worked so hard all day over a hot stove. can’t you wait until dinner?” while mrs. hamhock goes on and on, piggy’s mind wanders to the imaginary meal once more, completely drowning out his mother’s words.

to quote billy bletcher from porky’s romance, time munches on and mrs. hamhock rings the telltale dinner bell, summoning her children to eat (with an underscore of “puppchen” as mrs. hamhock’s theme). the children frolicking in the yard happily flock to the house. piggy also catches wind of the dinner bell, and barrels over his siblings in the process as he rushes to be the first inside. mrs. hamhock braces herself against the draft left behind from piggy’s speed.

eager to get a headstart, piggy licks his lips and rubs his hands together, reaching into the fruit bowl on the table, but is quickly smacked by his mother, glaring daggers at him as she positions herself at the table. the rest of the hamhocks pour into the dining room. with that, mrs. hamhock instructs her children to say grace. a hilarious decision on friz’s part to have a cacophony of dissonant mumbling as everyone incomprehensibly says grace, with a rolling pan sweeping down the table. the pan stops at piggy, who audibly asks “and please, could we have lots of ice cream tonight?”

suddenly, an idea hatches. before each little piglet is a bowl of noodles just waiting to be devoured. piggy grabs one of his noodles and a noodle from the plate next to him and ties it together. he slips under the table (good decision with the lighting!) and makes his rounds from each plate, trying together every noodle he sees into one interminable rope. every noodle covered, piggy leaps back into his seat, innocently giving an “amen!”

“und now, commence!” with mrs. hamhock’s permission, piggy stuffs a wad of noodles in his mouth. i just love the animation of him sucking his face in to slurp up the noodles, it’s certainly tactile and you can just feel the breathless effort he’s exerting. all according to plan as the hamhocks ogle at their magically disappearing noodles. mrs. hamhock takes notice and scolds piggy, warning him that this is the straw that broke the camel’s “hümp”. piggy’s face is priceless as he stares at his mother, mouth agape, noodles still suspended in his open mouth. he tunes out his mother’s lecture, head in hand as he shoots angry side glances at his mother.

night must fall, and all of the hamhock children are asleep. that is, with one exception. a certain hungry piggy still fantasizes about his hearty hors d'oeuvres, various foods surrounding him. as piggy sighs longingly, his surroundings melt around him, and instead of in his bed he’s perched on a wooden bench outside of a cottage. there’s a large, green door just outside to match the ivy creeping up on the exterior. piggy wanders around, spellbound, when the door opens to reveal a strange, balding, yellow man with rubber gloves who urges him to come on. as i’ll discuss soon, simpsons creator matt groening as expressed his love for this cartoon. yellow skin... hmmmmmm. 🤔

the scientist ushers piggy along in his cottage, which is revealed to be a laboratory. a tasteful array of beakers and solutions overlay the scene as piggy makes his way in—ulcer tablets, gastritis pills, neon coils... the scientist hiccups as he croons to piggy, “hungry, my little man? have some nice pies, cakes, ice cream, pickles...” i love the extraneous “pickles” to juxtapose with the other sweet, enticing desserts.

an enraptured piggy dashed up to a table stocked to the brim with all the food he could imagine. a bottle in the foreground reads “VOD”, the rest of the lettering torn off. a vodka gag slipped under the hayes office! piggy’s delight shines brighter as the scientist urges him to help himself, offering him a seat in a large, floral, cushioned seat. piggy obliges, but suddenly grows anxious when the scientist shoved the table away. the floral covering on the chair is pulled away to reveal a metal chair, strapping piggy in with a belt and prying his snout open.

also, an interesting note—there’s a smear in this scene as the scientist whips away to grin at piggy. chuck jones defined what a smear was with the dover boys at pimento university, and thusly they became much more popularized after, but it’s so interesting to see little breakout attempts. of course you have dry brushing as well, but i believe this is the first true “smear”, so to speak, that we’ve seen. i’m sure you know already, but if you don’t: smears are physical distortions of the body to convey a sense of movement and urgency. by spreading the entire body across a frame, it conveys a faster, less convoluted sense of movement, and also saves costs and drawings. there is a reason behind them, and yes, animators were paid to draw them, they knew what they were doing, as opposed to all those posts ridiculing animators and being like “why would they draw this 😂😂😂😂”. simple stuff, but there are people out there who believe otherwise.

now the villain launches into the trademark Billy Bletcher Bellow®️, reassuring piggy that he’ll get plenty of food. there’s an intriguing, almost tashlin-esque camera angle as a trap door opens beneath the floor, piggy’s chair toting him down below into the scientist’s lab. another tilted, warped angle as the scientist rushes to his post, a separate landing with a big, metal machine positioned on it. i love the subtle tilt of the angle, it really conveys how warped the scene is and how askew the mood is. things aren’t right, and piggy is actively aware of this. “so,” the villain coos, “you love food, eh?” another villainous laugh as he goes wild on all the levers and buttons and contraptions on his big metal machine.

i bet you if this was made just 6 years later, powerhouse would have been the underscore for this scene. porky pig’s feat gets the honor of the first cartoon to debut the iconic raymond scott score. an assortment of canned soups churn down an assembly line, pouring into one giant bowl. piggy is force fed the disgusting, purple amalgamation of soups as a wheel of spoons paddle it down his throat like a waterwheel. the chair then moves beneath a banana peeling station, mechanical arms sliding bananas into piggy’s gullet. the mad scientist observes in evil glee, laughing at the misfortune he has created.

a clever gag of a gumball machine spitting olives into piggy’s mouth as a mechanical hand feeds pennies into the slot. next, as displayed on this cartoon’s lobby card, a bellows pushes a number of ice cream cones down piggy’s throat. this entire sequence serves as the inspiration behind a number of cartoons. it served as a foundation for dick lundy’s apple andy at walter lantz in 1946. yet perhaps it is most well known as serving as the basis for a scene in the simpsons episode treehouse of horror iv, where homer sits in the same chair piggy sits in, being force fed donuts—and of course enjoying it, the scene much more comical than portrayed here. so, good on friz!

the next torturous piece of food spawns friz freleng’s favorite “hold the onions!” gag. mechanical arms prepare a giant sandwich, the bread suspended by hooks. peppers and mustard garnish the spliced open hotdog (again adding to the morbid nature of the scene—being force fed your own kin!). just as a bowl of onions prepares to topple over, a robotic arm juts out a sign that reads HOLD THE ONIONS!

phil monroe is responsible for the gag. later on, he’d tell michael barrier “for instance, i first worked for friz in the middle '30s, and he had this one picture, i forget what the name of it is, but it was a mechanical machine that made a sandwich; the old cartoons used to do that all the time, use a gag like that. it was a rube goldberg machine that made a sandwich. i stuck in the gag ‘hold the onions’—a sign comes out and stops the machine and says, ‘hold the onions.’ well, the only thing you remember about that cartoon is that one gag. he used that damned thing for years.” he most certainly DID use that damned thing for years, featured in (but not limited to) cartoons such as jungle jitters, the fighting 69th 1/2, the gay anties, and used by other directors such as jones, mckimson, and tashlin. the gag even managed to creep across studios, appearing in the 1951 tom and jerry short his mouse friday. thank you, phil!

piggy is then force fed the giant sandwich, attacking it like a lawn mower in neat rows, the chair reversing and accelerating as he eats. next spawns the “PIE-A-TROPE”, piggy devouring rapidly spinning pies from the outside in, just like how he was doing beforehand, spinning the pie on his finger and eating the outside.

more tashlin-esque camera angles as we get a series of overlayed and reused footage, underscored by the maniacal laughter of the scientist. eventually, we find the end result: piggy is full to bursting in his chair, the scientist poking him with twisted glee. “have enough, my boy?” piggy stammers (another friz freleng stuttering pig!) “y-y-yessir!” the scientist frees piggy from his restraints, insisting he’s not half full. hilarious animation as the rotund piggy waddles across the room and past a buffet table.

just then, a delicious turkey leg catches his attention. piggy can’t resist. i just absolutely love this—the whole time, he’s been tortured, force fed, what have you, the mood so dark and twisted and askew. piggy had been visibly upset and anxious the entire time, and now here he is helping himself VOLUNTARILY with a hungry grin on his face! what a great detail. piggy devours the turkey leg, and promptly explodes.

fade out to piggy screaming, lumps underneath his blanket writhing as he pops his head out, unscathed, his normal self in his own normal bed in his own normal home. he collects himself, breathing a sigh of sweet relief and wiping his brow. mrs. hamhock’s voice calls from downstairs “wake up, sonny! it’s time for breakfast!” (which i believe in hindsight is reused from toy town hall)

piggy demonstrates that he has dutifully learned a solemn lesson as he rushes downstairs and gorges himself in breakfast, devouring as fast as he can and displaying no table manners whatsoever. iris out.

one of friz’s first classics, and rightfully so. it’s a great cartoon with drastic changes in mood. the cartoon starts and ends in the same notion: lightheartedly. this cartoon reminds me a lot of baby bottleneck in terms of notoriety, both famous for their “factory” scenes, if you will, and serving as a foundation for a number of references. i adore how moody this cartoon is, and how stark the contrast is. you have the lighthearted sympathy of watching piggy lust over food, getting scolded by his mother, and then you’re diving head first into such a twisted, morbid torture scene where you as the audience member also feel captive. and then, in true looney fashion, piggy demonstrates that he learned absolutely nothing whatsoever from his nightmare and is tickled pink with his gluttony. the animation is great, and the colors and backgrounds are beautiful and inviting. you absolutely need to watch this one! if anything, do it for historical significance. first “hold the onions” gag, and it was referenced by the simpsons! go watch it!

link!

#lt #pigs is pigs #reviews #looney tunes #long post #freleng

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honeyboyfelix · 5 years ago

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Ok so im just gonna be spouting what i notice in the mv here

-there are 2 moons? One full and one half [time stamp: 0:17]

-low voice low voice LOW VOICE SEUNGMIN

-i love the dance

-Chans hair is crimped....hello 80's chan

-minho confirmed has a licence

-woojin is so fucking beautiful and his v o i c e bro...bro

-jinnie is being a bitch to my boy felix let him be

-bro the seungjin fight.....fucks me u p like my mind stopped processing after that i remember non of the rest of my first watch (im writting this on my second so i can pause and not die)

-someone steps on a map???? A cute lil crayon map during the seungjin fight...another casualty of war

-also that poor camera (it did not escape me that its a ref to i am you....i see you skz i see you)

-bin steps between them like WhAT THE FUCK???? ARE YOU DOING

-also because im me.....felix and changbin split verse.....fav

-hmmmmmm this yellow overlay means sonething.....when it goes over a scene it feels like it should be inportant but im too stupid to figure it out

-i think it scene changes? Or something

-a city? In the distance?????? Is that a new city? Im assuming its a new city? Maybe its 'the new world' from the bus ticket?

-A lot of the outfits remind me of i am you era

- bruh...jeongin comforting jinnie....im cry

-oh shit my mind didnt register the split screen the first time....

-on the top one(in the bus) theyre all asleep (hopefully asleep 😬 idk that bus dricer looked sketch)

-ooooo lightning!!!

-and we runnin i guess

-wait why ate they running....what is the purpose where are you running to? Or from? They look angry...

-also gives my d9 vibes with the lights and camera angles

-hyunjins ao pretty

-but why is he sleeping in and overpass with creepy music box music overlayed on top

-is he ok?

-was this all in his head?

- skz looking at sleeping jinnie: u-uwu

-and the key.....

-actually i was watching cronosoraus and that key might look like one thats in that mv aswell....will need to check later

-anyway keys are confusing i get theyre important this arc (by the arc name) but for what is the question...

#ok #i like doing these they help me process things better

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something-tofightfor · 6 years ago

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The Punisher Season 2: Episodes 1-5

My reactions as I watched these episodes:

SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT. SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT. SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT. I literally tagged it four different ways for spoilers so if you read them after this it’s your own damn fault.

1: Roadhouse Blues HE IS IN BED WITH A WOMAN THINKING OF KAREN WHAT THE FUCK “Take the good when it comes” AND HES THINKING OF BILLY ALONG WITH THE KIDS MY FUCKING MIND IS BLOWN Frank is so comfortable around kids. This is going to end horribly. He’s gonna go back to this bar and all hell is going to break loose. Frank with blood dripping out of his nose is a MOOD Bathroom fight = Bar fight... not even an episode in and he’s already shot. Sucks to be you Beth. MADANI. Drinking at the foot of Billy’s bed. “Sweet dreams asshole” IVE MISSED THOSE EYES.

2: Fight or Flight Oh look they’re in Ohio. PLEASE OH PLEASE LET HIM SAY RACHEL BECAUSE HEARING JON BERNTHAL GRUNT MY NAME WOULD BE HEAVEN Aaaaaaand there’s his ass HE IS DIGGING A BULLET OUT OF HIS ASS AND NOW SHE IS YIKES And now he’s grunting “get it” - I CANT. She’s lying. She’s a liar. Lying. And he knows it. He’s gonna be pissed when he realizes how young she is but she’s now ziptied to the bed - and now he’s duct taping her mouth shut this is wonderful and i hope it stays this way for 11 more episodes MADANI IS A GODDAMN MESS Broken Billy is going to be a problem for me. And at this point I feel like he genuinely doesn’t remember. Beth is lying for Frank. Interesting. .... nevermind HE JUST SAID MY NAME .... you did have to get involved didn’t you, Frank. I DO like this girl calling him out though .... back to the tape and zip ties. My god billy is so anxious about his face he turns to the side to take his medication. the last thing he remembers is fucking being in the barracks. “Frank was your friend?” “My brother” OH MY GOD His memory is only there for a few minutes at a time. GODDAMN. Pilgrim doesn’t want to hear swearing... hmmmmmm - he’s connected to this girl in a more meaningful way than i thought before. HI RAFI. I AGREE WITH YOU. Madani is convinced that billy is faking. LET IT GO this girl is pointing a gun at frank. Yeah that’s not going to end well Oh look he killed a bunch of people and then ended up arrested .... Rachel, you’re.... a fucking horrible liar ... FRANK IN A DRUG RUG DINAH DREAMING ABOUT BILLY ON TOP OF HER AND NAKED - SAME MADANI SAME. that fucking little smirk. OH MY GOD “They died from terminal stupidity”

3: Trouble the Water hello, Beverly Marsh. I see you in this creepy ass cult. The cadence of Pilgrim’s voice is both soothing and unsettling at the same time, how is this possible? So pilgrim is covered in faded white supremacy tattoos. That’s.... interesting. Frank is trying to warn these people. They should listen. Billy is avoiding sleep. His mannerisms are making me really nervous. He’s doing a good job. Holy shit he just handed those cops their asses. Why is Dumont limping BYE BILLY . Gif ... is.... Pilgrim trying to prove his faith to save his wife? Madani in a big friggin hurry to prove she was right, acting concerned - she still doesn’t get it Unless he’s truly playing them all LMAO DUMONT CALLING MADANI OUT ABOUT NOT KNOWING HOW TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN REALITY AND FICTION hi, brett! Good to see you! Madani stole the journal. Hmmm As always frank is the most aware person in the room and he still has no idea what’s going on Ogden’s gonna die. Nice knowing you kid. Picking them off one by one by one... this cult is full of snipers “Sweet boneless Jesus” is my new statement Oh the girl finally did something useful Police station shootout is actually pretty intense Ogden literally got shot in the stomach and still wants to help. That’s how we DO IT in Ohio Marlena is a bitch, but she is focused on frank. This very quickly became personal for her. .... oh. Frank castle literally set two men on fire with one bullet. My fucking hero Him sprinting around in this forest is incredible he’s like a murder gazelle Dinah shows up at the exact right time to save frank and to tell him that Billy broke out of the hospital... guess it’s time to go back to New York. WHAT IS ON THESE ANCIENT ASS FILM ROLLS?!?! who even uses film cameras anymore 4: Scar Tissue I NEED TO SEE BILLY RUSSO IN THIS I GOT A BIG DICK T SHIRT Ok but where are you going IN YOUR SOCKS, sir? HI HELLO I SEE YOU IN THOSE GLASSES Madani still chewing her aspirin i see Two locks on her bedroom door, madani is scared This crazy bitch is sleeping under the bed ... nevermind she’s crying not sleeping IM SO SAD HE PUT THE GODDAMN SHIRT ON INSIDE OUT Holy fuck the look on his face and in his eyes when he sees himself for the first time before the injuries. Oh my god oh my god Floriana Lima sucks. Billy went 6 months without decorating the mask. His eyes are so expressive goddamn Frank and Madani hate each other 6 week coma.... facial reconstruction... Billy was biding his time. Madani with his bloody punisher vest casually in her closet, ok. HI CURTIS. i see you’re better prepared Curtis believes Billy doesn’t remember. And he was listed as Billy’s next of kin... heartbreaking. Curtis is describing Billy and Frank with this single conversation. Interesting. Holy shit is he back at the group home?! Casual billy in jeans and a beanie.... yesssss WAIT ITS A FLASHBACK OH HELL YES BUT WHOSE FLASHBACK IS IT Moments of sleep... the mask... Oh fuck. Billy’s going to kill the dude that hurt him Oh fuck oh fuck Finally this dumb girl is opening up. And Frank just decided to keep himself inserted in this, but there’s never really been a choice for him I guess. Billy went to the group home and it was gone and thats the only place he had to go. Jesus, they’re really making you feel for him. He had nowhere and no one to go to so he went to his GODDAMN ABUSER. “You were a good looking kid. It’s a damn shame” FUCK HIM UP BILLY DONT YOU TAKE THAT SHIT Amy’s expression while listening to Madani and Frank 🤣🤣🤣 Oh this motherfucker just poked him in the chest and is bragging about what he did. COME ON BILLY KILL HIM Amy figuring out who frank is and what he did... hmmmmm Madani showing up at the house like a psychopath HOLY SHIT HE STABBED HIM IN THE CHEST WITH A MOP HANDLE ..... fuck. I swear if she takes advantage of him I’m going to scream Billy knows that he deserves what’s happened to him, but not WHY. That’s big. She’s suggesting redemption. ... he wants to see the best version of himself again. He wants to fix things. And i think he’s serious. I’m very conflicted

5: One-Eyed Jacks Stack the deck - gotta be the dealer... good advice frank. Hi, Turk! Setting up a meeting.... interesting angle frank. Madani is having a nightmare at the same time billy is actually sleeping. Interesting. WHO SLEEPS IN A SILK NIGHTGOWN LIKE THAT madani is seeing billy without scars in her nightmares and sleeping with s gun under her pillow. “I don’t want to feel it, I want to kill it” ... She’s helping him, but i don’t know WHY. And i want to trust her but i just CANT Billy Russo just said “please” and “thank you” in the same conversation... and meant it. WHAT ARE THESE SCARS ON HER ARMS Frank agrees that Billy was right to kill Arthur. Ok back to the creepy cult Leave your dad alone, kid... he’s a little busy Oh frank is going to kill every single person in this gym. I could have done without the Amy-splurging montage... unless she bought something worthwhile. NOT A DRILL BILLY FUCKING RUSSO IN A TOWEL holy hell is he ripped. I literally had to watch this scene like 4 times because i know it’s important but i couldn’t focus The snake and the rebirth idea is really interesting to me. “The sick are transformed by the healer’s art” .... she’s trying to transform billy. She’s trying to cleanse him... but for what purpose? Madani with Curtis. This is good. Maybe he can help her. Nevermind they’re lying to each other about frank. Madani opening up in the group.... interesting. She feels her life is ruined. Billy and this airman getting drunk is the buddy comedy i didn’t know i needed ... here comes the gym YIKES THAT DUDES FACE These people taking selfies in the bar... Billy’s going to get his photo taken He’s just trying to reconnect with another military man. I didn’t even think about that before SWEAR TO GOD IF BILLY STARTS DOING COKE INTERESTING. He knows who billy is. Krista is horrified of heights.... interesting as hell. So she’s just as fucked as billy Ah fuck. Pilgrim is in New York.

#TPS2 #TPS2 spoilers #the punisher season 2 spoilers #the punisher #marvel's the punisher #frank castle #billy russo #dinah madani #long post

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entropyrpgs · 4 years ago

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You... have never watched Star Trek have you? Like, actually watched. There are, off the bat, an episode in TOS that literally has people with half black and half white faces who are in a war with people who have half white and half black faces. The first interracial kiss as well. And Kirk, if you actually watch the series, isn’t actually a womanizer. Like the “A woman?” “A crewman” exchange, for one. DS9? Ohhh boy there are a lot of episodes about it INCLUDING actual real world situations. I’ll confess I haven’t seen Voyager or TNG recently but I’m sure I could come up with something if I tried. Wait, just the entireity of Geordi LaForge. And B’Ellana and Spock struggling with thier mixed heritages? Hmmmmmm, how could that POSSIBLY be relevant to the real world. The eugenics wars were based on (surprise) eugenics and how fascism is bad. Klingons are directly based on Russians and the Cold War. VERY easily googleable, took 5 seconds to confirm. I can come up with more but that was literally me not even thinking about it because they are THAT obvious. And Google is your friend here! There are a lot of discussions about these things by fans. It hasn’t suddenly become “PC” because that was the original INTENT of Star Trek, of a world where we were more enlightened and could help others and have empathy.

Also what was the issue with She-Ra? The fact that gay creator put gay people in her story? Somehow it remained popular despite that. Dr. Who? Is it the fact that *gasp* it had a woman as the protagonist (and antagonist as well)? Or is it the lesbians? You realize Dr. Who is uhhhhh not very consistent anyways? So if it’s from that angle... And. Have you ever read a comic book reboot? Amazingly, people change the backgrounds and personalities of characters ALL THE TIME. Sometimes in contradictory ways! For some reason TV can do the same thing! Wild, I know.

(Also IDK, I think the fact that women find it hard to break into the comics industry and the fact that there are apparently a lot of awful men who abuse their power might be related and maybe that’s not a good thing. IDK, just a thought)

Also Star Wars lost money because they made bad movies. She-ra was WILDLY successful. The 13th doctor is also VERY popular if ratings mean anything. (spoiler alert, they do) It’s almost like you don’t know any of these series that well and have a superficial understanding and assumed I would as well. ;) Race and species aren’t interchangeable or there wouldn’t be different terms. Also, again, as an ecologist I can ASSURE you that they are not the same thing. You’re just being lazy tbh. They have distinctive uses (and also taxonomy is kind of a loose science in the first place DO NOT get me started on plants. Citrus is incredibly slutty) but race isn’t quite as accurate as species due to the different traits they have. I had a really nice chart on pregnancy chances between different species but I can’t find it so I’m suspecting it was homebrew. Still, being able to procreate is not the only measure of species in the first place, just the easiest to measure, and not all scientists agree on that anyways. I never said “orcs are real” but they are in fact based in real life caricatures. This is PRETTY easily googled. Like come on. I know you want things to be nice and simple but in the REAL WORLD they aren’t. It must be nice to live in that bubble. But also you’re cute little comic really just shows bad DMing and party management. If one person disagrees that strongly then uhhhh that’s not the right group for them, and I’d be asking them if they really wanted to be there. But really, that specific person is being an asshole. And AMAZINGLY absolutely none of the groups I’ve been in have been like that, even if we disagree on elements. Almost like we’re adults who can talk things out. Amazing. Almost like people like that don’t exist. The lesson for all of you who read this far and ACTUALLY follow this blog is this: Listen to your group, whether as DM or player. If your DM is being a jerk, try to discuss whether that’s something you all disagree with. if a player is being a jerk then speak with the DM or, as the DM, discuss that with them. And if you’re not comfortable with something homebrew is an excellent route and guides like this help. Also science fiction and fantasy media almost always draws from real life, so if you don’t see the parallels you are probably not looking hard enough. Take a moment to reflect if you need to. Maybe it’ll even make you a better person.

Also if you want to talk star trek please DM me! I’d love to chat your ear off. I love star trek so much y’all and it’s a crime how much people misunderstand it and say... make a reboot that misunderstands all of the characters and they admit to literally never watching an episode but for some reason they’re more qualified than I am.

Ancestry & Culture: An alternative to Race in 5e

I just got my physical copy of this wonderful tome by Arcanist Press! It has a great introduction that explains why the use of the term “Race” in our beloved role-playing games is so problematic, and then offers a great solution for it that fits right in-between existing 5e rules.

We’ve been looking for a good alternative to “Race” for the character options we publish on our patreon, and we’re now going to do some tests to see if this model is something we could use.

I highly recommend you check it out! The free preview on DiveThruRPG includes the introduction & full rules for alternate character creation.

Find it here 👉 Ancestry & Culture

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ermojas · 8 years ago

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Lucky you, I'm drunk watching TSoT again, cuz i went thru the.list and realized hey what other episodes matter, right? Here we go: The game is, drink whenever you wanna forget s4 and that Mary was never given the chance to be a true villain and mastermind of the Moriarty network thus invalidating her relationship with John and solidifying Sherlock and John's true love: - There's gotta be a faster way to steal gold. - All Sherlock texted was "Help," and Greg brought friggen helicoptors. He's worse than John. - Aaaaahhhh...I almost forgot what good cinematography looks like. - Why does Mrs. H say "you always live alone"? Goddamn EMP, get your filthy paws off my favorite episode. - Oh sure, one of the main characters got married in this episode, but we're not gonna show tge ceremony at all, and his first word spoken will be "Sherlock." - I hate Mary but she's so pretty and I love her dress - David looks like he knows he's gonna be a Surprise Parent in 9,783 fics. - When will we see Harry. When will we see John's bedroom. When will we see the truth. Why is my tequila pink. - Goddamn every time Sherlock and Mary interact it's so purposefully easy. They work. They're like siblings. She's so smart. TST would have never happened. Goddammit. - Whenever I'm about to do something uncomfortably sociable I imagine Mycroft saying "Minnngling...?" - Okay, I get the Greg and Molly thing. He stands so close... - It bothers me that the Best Man Proposal is the only scene we see the kitchen from that angle. Seems like a different flat. - God fuckin damn I love the editing of this whole fucking episode. I need a sandwich. - John flirtily saying "Nnnyess?" while Sherlock is freaking out about the best man thing is downright indecent. - John trying not to cry during the speech is cruel. Let the man feel. - Their entire friendship is contained in John saying "wait til I sit down." And the fact that John reacts to everything in this speech a millisecond before Sherlock says it. Cuz he knows what he's gonna say. Cuz they're meant for each other. I hate this episode. - There is a man bleeding out, Sherlock, control your libido. - He said, abOut the stag night: "There's hoyrs if material here, but I've cut it down to the really good bits." I SEE YOU, MOFTISS. WITH THE EDITING PUN. GIVE US THE GAY BAR SCENE. - I need 12 minutes of the theme i dubstep, please. - Sherlock gets so much campier when he's drinking. AND SO DOES JOHN. - The most interesring thing about the knee grab "I don't mind," line is that it was clearly ADDED IN POST. They organized time to sit Martin Freeman behind a microphone to more clearly Insert. That. Line. Whyyyyyy. Releaseee meeeeeee. - Sherlock drunkenly realizing his hand was behind John's back is EVERYTBING. - "WITH A GHOST MR. HOLMES." Okay so let's not acknowledhe thT this while thing mirrors TAB or whatever. So mucb fake death in tbis show. I wish s4 was fake, cuz that was a death if ive ever seen one - Okay, tbis is definitely a two sandwich problem - WHIP IT OUT, SHERLOCK - I like how Sherlock basically says "no more murder and mystery" and then in ten seconds it turns into a murder mystery. SUCK IT, MARY. - BBC Sherlock shows John Hamish Watson coming up the stairs with groceries more times than it shows him embracing his actual wife. HMMMMMM. - "We would never do that to John Watson," with his deduction face on. They.are both in love with john, and he just confirmed it. - "Oh wbat a niiiiight." I hate this episode.

#tsot #sherlock #tjlc #drunk sherlock #johnlock #hijl

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still-with-hearts-beating · 7 years ago

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tangled up (in your atmosphere) (jane/kurt fanfic)

summary: “i’m not very good at sharing”

rating: M

A/N: oh look, more fluffy Jeller smut. I just can’t seem to help myself with these two.

This is a continuation of in your atmosphere and part of my what i never knew i always wanted universe. I figured if I was going to write about jane and kurt deciding to have a baby, I should write some of the babymaking, too...

tangled up (in your atmosphere)

Jane smiled as she entered their bedroom and saw Kurt still fast asleep. She’d managed to untangle herself from him earlier this morning without waking him, slipping out of bed as the sun rose to head down to the water for a swim.

She wasn’t surprised that he was still sleeping now. He’d been up early the day before, running around to get everything organized for their surprise trip to the lake while she’d slept.

And then they had tired each other out last night, spending the night wrapped up with each other, making love, trying to conceive the baby they had decided they wanted.

Jane tiptoed into the room, stopping at the foot of the bed as she tossed her towel towards the bathroom. She peeled off her wet bathing suit next, leaving it in a pile on the floor, and slipped back into bed, sliding in beside him as she pressed her naked body up against his back.

She wrapped her arm around his middle as she pressed a soft kiss between his shoulder blades, letting her lips linger there before kissing a trail across his back.

She felt him stir against her and she moved her lips up beside his ear, dropping a kiss against his jaw as she pulled her arm tighter against his chest.

“Good morning,” she whispered, kissing his earlobe.

“Mmmmmmm,” he hummed as he rolled towards her onto his back and pulled her on top of him. “It is a good morning,” he mumbled, leaning up to capture her lips with his.

He reached up to brush her hair out of her face as she sat up, settling herself at the tops of his thighs, resting her hands on his stomach. Kurt raised an eyebrow as his fingers ran through her wet strands of hair.

“Did you have a shower?” he asked as he tucked her hair behind her ears. She smiled and shook her head.

“I went for a swim,” she explained as she reached up to tie her hair, which now fell just below her shoulders, into a loose bun on top of her head.

“Like this?” Kurt asked with a mischievous grin, sliding his hands down her naked chest and torso, brushing his thumbs across her nipples before continuing down her rib cage.

She squirmed against him before he rested his hands on her flat stomach, pausing there for just a moment, imagining the baby he hoped would be there soon. Maybe it already was.

She covered his hands with one of hers, giving him a knowing smile, before he rested his hands on top of her thighs.

“I wore my bathing suit, didn’t want to give the neighbors a show,” she said as she leaned down and pressed her lips to his in a slow kiss.

“This is only for you, baby,” she mumbled against his lips as she rolled her hips against his, feeling him grow hard against her.

He groaned and his hands traveled back up her ribcage to cup her breasts, pressing his tongue past her lips to meet hers as he did.

“Good,” he said as she moved her lips to his chin and started kissing a slow path down his chest. “I’m not very good at sharing.”

“Hmmmmmm,” she hummed against his stomach as she slid down his body. “I’ve noticed.”

She looked up at him as she reached between them and wrapped her hand around him, slowly stroking him as her lips traveled across his torso.

She watched his eyes flutter closed as his head fell back against his pillow and she smiled, lightly biting at his hipbone. She kept her slow pace with her hand as she slid back up his body and pressed another kiss to his jaw.

“I feel really good after my swim,” she whispered in his ear, smiling at the low groan that came from the back of his throat and the slight jerk of his hips against her hand.

“And now I want to make my man feel good,” she said as she kissed the spot right behind his ear.

“Mmmmmhmmmm,” he mumbled, his hands finding her waist, attempting to pull her against him.

But she had other plans, quickly scooting down between his knees and taking him in her mouth.

“Oh fuuuuuck, Jane,” he groaned, as his hips jerked forward towards her, his head shooting up off his pillow as he looked down at the top of her head between his thighs.

She let out a small chuckle around him, which only seemed to spur him on and he grabbed onto fistfuls of bed sheets on either side of her, trying to control himself.

She reached up with one hand and pressed against his chest, signalling for him to lay back. He followed her instruction, dropping his head back against his pillow, but tightening his grip on the bed sheets.

Her hands moved to his hips as she continued working him with her lips and her tongue, taking pleasure in the way he was moaning her name and the little thrusts of his hips.

She could feel him getting close, his thighs twitching beneath her hands, and she moved one hand to the base of his length, joining her mouth.

But before she could bring him over the edge, she felt his hands on his shoulders and he was shifting his hips away from her.

“Fuck...wait, wait, wait, Jane.....” he sat up, his chest heaving as he struggled to catch his breath, and pulled her against him, drawing her mouth to his as she crawled into his lap and hooked her legs around his waist.

Her tongue met his as he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her flush against him, and she ground her hips down against his.

He swore under his breath as he pulled away for air, leaning down and resting his forehead against her collarbone, pressing his lips against the top of her breast.

She sighed as she brought her hand up to the back of his neck, resting it there as he dropped his head lower and took one of his nipples in his mouth, swirling his tongue around the peak.

Jane let her head fall back and moaned his name as he ran his tongue along the side of her breast and back up across her collarbone and the side of her neck before resting his lips under her ear.

“I want to be inside you,” he whispered as he moved his hand between them, easily slipping a finger between her wet folds.

Her hips jerked against his hand and he added a second finger, pumping slowly as his other hand traveled down her chest to rest on her stomach.

“I want to come inside you,” he whispered, biting at her ear as her hips sped up, a moan escaping her lips as she grabbed on to his shoulders. “I want to give you a baby.”

Jane pulled his lips against hers, biting at his lower lip as he brushed his thumb against her clit.

“I want your baby,” she whispered as she pulled away, leaning her forehead against his. “I want to have your baby.”

He withdrew his hand from her and she immediately lifted her hips, letting him guide himself into her as she lowered herself back down.

She moaned as he filled her, wrapping her arms and legs around him, leaving no space between them. His arms wrapped around her back and his head dropped to her shoulder as she slowly rocked against him, feeling his hips thrust up against hers.

“God, you feel good,” he groaned into her shoulder, moving one of his hands between them to cup her breast, brushing his thumb across her nipple.

She continued rolling her hips against his, digging her heels into his back as she wrapped her legs tighter around his waist, before he rocked them forward so she was lying back on the bed and he was on top of her.

“Don’t stop,” Jane gasped as he changed their angle, his thrusts speeding up as he drove his hips into hers.

She unhooked her legs from around his waist and planted her feet on the bed, thrusting her hips up to meet his. She reached up and took his face in her hands, pulling his mouth down to hers, groaning into his mouth as his hips sped up.

“Jane...I’m close...” he mumbled against her lips. She cried out as he hooked his hand behind one of her knees, deepening the angle of his thrusts. “I’m gonna come...” he warned her.

“I’m almost there,” Jane gasped, thrusting her hips up to meet his, digging her fingers into the backs of his shoulders.

“Fuck...Jane....”

He could feel himself losing control and wanted her to come with him. He reached between them and found her clit with his thumb, circling it in time with their hips.

“Oh my god,” she gasped, digging her teeth into his shoulder. “Kurt...don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t stop...” she chanted over and over until they were both coming, crying out as their bodies crashed against each other.

Jane squeezed her legs around Kurt’s waist again, rocking her hips as he continued the circles with his thumb against her until she collapsed back into the bed, pulling Kurt’s spent body on top of her.

They were both gasping for air as he wrapped his arms around her waist, rolling onto his back and pulling her with him so she was draped across his chest. They lay there together, finding their breath, Kurt tracing his fingers across Jane’s back as she pressed her lips in soft kisses across his chest.

She finally rolled off of him, unable to help the soft groan that she let out as he slipped out from inside of her, curing herself into his side. He wrapped his arm across her waist, pulling her closer, his palm brushing against her stomach.

She felt him chuckle slightly and looked up to find him peering down at her with a sleepy grin.

“What?” she asked, pressing her lips to his shoulder.

“Nothing,” he shook his head. “I’m just thinking that if this is how you feel after going for a swim, we should move to a building with a pool.”

She laughed and gave his chest a playful swat as he leaned down and kissed her. She sighed contently as they pulled apart, resting her head against his shoulder. They lay there together, in no rush to be anywhere else than each other’s arms.

“I love you,” he whispered after a while, turning his head to press his lips against the side of her head. “And you’re going to be an amazing mother,” he added, brushing his fingertips against her stomach.

She felt tears prick at the back of her eyes as she turned towards him, reaching down to thread her fingers through his.

“I hope so,” she replied softly. He brushed his lips against her forehead, giving her hand a squeeze.

“I know so.”

#blindspot #blindspot fanfic #jeller #writing: mine #series: what i never knew i always wanted

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cupkayke · 8 years ago

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Cupkayke Rewatches/Liveblogs Boueibu!

Season 1, Episode 6

I have no explanation for the stupidly long wait for this one other than the fact that I am a lazy motherfucker. BUT. CHALLENGE TIME- I’m in the midst of a mini vacation from work so when I’m not working on cosplay I WILL BE WRITING. Er, analyzing. Er, plotting. Er, SOMETHING.

Anyway! Onto the episode where Io pissed me the fuck off but still managed to be a loveable asshole in the end, anyway! Also LOTS OF UNDER THE SURFACE SHIT! YAYYYYY.

I also apologize if I miss responding to some comments on these; with as sporadic as my time on tumblr is these days (90% is on mobile) I can’t fucking remember what replies I’ve reblogged or not OTL

Firstly I haven’t really thought much about it but what’s up with the title for this episode? “Love is something you wear on your back?” Is that a reference to the “so generous he’d give you the shirt off his back” phrase? If that’s meant to apply to Io in this episode for his “loyalty” I think they missed the mark there...

Yumoto eats a lot apparently- damn son stop growing!

Was that a sex joke?

THAT WAS DEFINITELY A SEX JOKE BOUEIBU NOT 2 MINUTES IN I AM SURPRISED AT YOU alsolololololololololololololforever

FANCY STUDENT COUNCIL IS FANCY omg they’re so fucking rich why do they even have this setup it’s so ridiculous

I sometimes get the feeling that this is a wealthy private school, similar to Ouran academy, with scholarships for low-income students (IE Yumoto). The parallels are there- but as established later in the episode, why the fuck would Yumoto be given a scholarship because it’s definitely not academics.

Maybe the Hakone family is actually wealthy but they just live modestly because their parents are gone and Gora wants to make the fortune last?

I MADE MYSELF SAD.

Finger bowls????

Apparently I’m an unultured swine because I had to look it up. You dip your fingers in the bowl to clean your hands between courses really???

Can’t we just... y’know... use hand santizier? This is like... 2015 for you guys right?

However it’s hilarious that Kinshiro decides that FINGER BOWLS of all things are important enough to have for the three of them at lunch so he wants to see if they can afford it.

ALSO I JUST REALIZED THE FORESHADOWING HERE WITH IO HOLY SHIT-

I SMELL RIVALRY

Kinshiro is a grumpy butt. Look at his face. Eat a snickers, Kinchan. You get micro-managey when you’re hungry.

So we’re halfway through the season and Wombat is seemingly trying to point our boys in a particular direction. HMMMMMM.

Seriously I would love to know just how much of this is Wombat talking out his ass for the sake of the reality show and how much of it is shit he actually believes and he actually wants the boys to do a good job and ‘protect the earth’

I for one am on Wombat’s side because he’s fucking adorable but I do love the conspiracy/manipulation theory~

Ryuu and foreshadowing in 3...2...1.. WRITERS I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE

Dat dead body smell

Even disgusted Akoya STILL manages to be gorgeous like whoah

Someone get this boy a modeling contract

PINKS THROWIN’ SHADE

I feel like this is the most lines that Akoya has had the entire show

I also realized during his little speech here that EVEN COVERING HIS NOSE his VOICE is still GORGEOUS.

Modeling contract AND record deal, PLZ

So smug

Who knew pretty could be so evil~

I mostly just laughed at the cap of the DC all like ‘SHIT HE’S ONTO US’

So smug x2

Also this is where I started PINKSHIPPING

Like seriously I will go down with this ship even tho IoRyuu is OTP PINKSHIPPING MAKES SO MUCH SENSE

Just the rivalry and the pettiness sign me the fuck up for some angsty, angry making out in the SC bathroom

Whoops I just wrote a mini fanfic

Anyway this is why Cupkayke can’t decide on OTPs for this series because multishipping is fun

Wombat looks fluffier this episode

Too many Yumoto cuddles?

Pink kohai and dad-senapis!

Seriously I love the idea of these three hanging out together it’s adorable

And En is apparently really fucking smart

The entire conversation about Yumoto’s academic abilities is really interesting-

Apparently he has very good spatial awareness (child show me your ways I cannot directions for the life of me) but poor language skills

I don’t know if I am qualified to speculate about his cognitive state but perhaps it wouldn’t be so far-fetched to say that from that tidbit, Yumoto perhaps has a learning disability?

But then again, here it’s played for laughs/Yumoto’s just lazy and doesn’t see the value in school

Perhaps though he’s not motivated because he’s never really been able to get an instruction style that jives with him? So on certain subjects he’s over being discouraged and just accepts that typical academic instruction just isn’t for him?

This entire scene is fascinating from the lens of a future educator (albeit I haven’t taken any development or learning courses yet) but as someone who likes school Yumoto is the type of person (if he doesn’t have a learning disability, that is) who would confuse me IRL lolololol

“What? You don’t like the rigorous structure and inherent validation system of grading that even though it causes me undue anxiety and stress it gives me a sense of self-worth and purpose and without people giving me deadlines I cannot function?”

Well that got too deep oops I apologize for the too much in-depth taste of Cupkayke’s psyche

Someone more qualified than I am feel free to analyze this scene

Now back to your regularly scheduled magical boy blogging

Lolololol Gora wanting better for Yumoto - such a good big brother

“DON’T BE USELESS LIKE ME” - wait a second

IS THIS A LOWKEY REFERENCE TO GORA’S MAGICAL BOY PAST? Considering Maximum Gorar’s weapon is an axe and he has lots of chopping attacks.... hmmmmmmm did I just discover another layer?

Obviously Gora doesn’t know about the Battle Lovers just yet (or does he?) but still- interesting.

En trying to make them feel better haha such a sweetiepie

Atsushi get out of here with your logic

SWEATS NERVOUSLY

SCREW MONSTER FORESHADOWING

En and his ragging on Yumoto. I wonder when he goes from finding Yumoto annoying/exasperating to actually being that caring senpai? I mean, he could just be trying to be playful, but with his face here especially it comes across as he’s annoyed

Idk it’s kind of fascinating tho how he did not care for Yumoto at first

YUMOTO I HAVE NO WORDS

T________T

Revelation; Io is popular

Somehow I didn’t get that until this point in the series, but then again Io isn’t the type to care about his popularity unless it makes him money

So I guess he’s just admired from afar like this lololol

Io has a stalker- complete with creepy monologuing!

More screw foreshadowing!

Yellow phone for Io! They’re actually really heavy-handed with the color coding but most of the time it’s in ‘blink and you’ll miss it’ moments. It’s like a fun game of I spy!

I can see where the headcanon that Akoya has a crush on Io started- the fact he goes out of his way to compliment Io is a bit telling.

Buuuut I still ship the Pinks over IoAko; but with the caveat of the Pinks both pining over Io and having their feelings unrequited! Oooooh the angst!

The cute evil is scheming

IO HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT SO EASILY

THEY WEREN’T EXPECTING YOU TO SAY YES EITHER LOOK AT THEIR FACES

...maybe you do get along with the SC Io you seem just about as evil and scheming as Akoya here-

WAIT WHAT AM I SAYING

WOMBAT IS SO CUTE IN HIS TITLE CARD AWW

I love how Ryuu is trying so hard look at him

Io what’s with that face! How can you betray them all so easily???

It makes no sense!

Creepy glowing Hedgehog

I still don’t know how Yumoto can get a ZERO in Japanese. Is it his grammar? Conjugation? Is Japanese like English is in the US where they go over literature and like Atsushi said he makes logic leaps that no one else does so he misinterprets the text? I AM CONFUSED. Wouldn’t he at least get some points?

Look at this adorable fucker thanking his boyfriend friend in English!

En is really fucking smart, though I doubt he guesses ‘everything’

This could play into En’s self-consciousness on how he’s percieved (see his panic about looking ‘old’) and perhaps he also only wants to be percieved as ‘lazily intelligent’.

It wouldn’t surprise me though if En did study a little bit, just to brush up on some things, or took school seriously but didn’t need to study because he’s really good at regurgitating info on tests

Either way, it seems like he doesn’t want people to know whether he actually cares about school or not so he just says he ‘guesses’ and gets 100s

Idk maybe I’m looking at the wrong angle but that’s not that far fetched I guess?

….Io… I am a very disappoint

Like this entire episode is out of character for him or at least my understanding of his character

Like, it’s not like he’s particularly very close to any of the DC except for Ryuu, but he doesn’t seem like the type to just up and ‘fuck you guys and everything we’ve been through’

Like it’s no secret he finds the Battle Lover thing bothersome but it’s likely he’s well aware of the fact that if he quits the DC he’s not going to stop having to wear the loveracelet and he’s still going to have to do all the embarrassing superhero things until he stops getting shocked by the thing

And like even if he’s really only in the DC because their ‘meetings’ give him enough downtime to invest in his business ventures I find it highly unlikely that the Student Council would pay him enough to make up for the loss he’d suffer because of his free time getting cut. And Io probably knew that outright.

Unless he is actually a teenage boy liable to acting without thinking! GASP.

Look, Io, you pissed off the Pink.

Really pissed him off! Ryuu sees through your bullshit.

Okay. Unpacking here- Io’s face in that cap says to me that he is well aware of how he’s being percieved. He’s well aware that he’s betraying the DC and the person who he would consider his best friend is calling him out on it. That look screams guilt.

However, what he says here- and here is where I am pissed the writers didn’t give us more context- he says ‘money is important/money doesn’t betray’.

Which if you take him saying this to its most logical conclusion, he’s saying that he feels the DC will betray him at some point. Being involved with the DC, which doesn’t directly make him any money, will hurt him in the long run to the point where he would feel betrayed.

He’s said this before; money doesn’t betray. I can’t remember which episode (which is sad because I just did a write up on it) but I know the context of the conversation was when they were talking about the concept of ‘Love’ with Wombat. Everything Io does is for money. Relationships seem to do jack shit for him.

But it appears here that this move is premptive. You have to do some inferring but it’s not so far fetched to say that Io has found himself caring for the DC (and potentially the Battle Lover thing) a lot more than he originally thought he would. And perhaps, based on previous experiences (what, we don’t know) he is afraid that they will betray him. Whether in terms of finances, emotions, or both, isn’t clear.

I feel like in the snow episode of s2 there’s a throwaway line about Io making Igloos that might have had some more under the surface about his past- for some reason I inferred he was often lonely as a child. I can’t remember why, though.

But I guess what I’m trying to say here is that this scene would be a whole lot more poignant if we had the entire narrative. Io is making this move, on the surface, because of money. But that’s foolish, especially for someone as smart as him, for the reasons I mentioned above. Even as rich as the SC are collectively, they probably wouldn’t be able to pay Io enough for his treasurer services to make it more lucrative than investing in his downtime with the DC.

So it seems like he is trading his relationship with the DC- a personal relationship with feelings involved- for a relationship with the SC, one that is primarily business-focused. From their outer appearances, Io definitely knows that ‘rich kids’ like himself don’t tend to focus on friendship, so he’d be relatively safe to keep things strictly business.

Which means Io finds the idea of a business-only relationship more appealing/safer than a relationship based on friendship.

And supposedly, by extension, even if he did have to keep being a Battle Lover, he could keep that relationship strictly business too, by simply showing up and helping fight monsters without actually spending any time with the DC.

But without the context, this is speculation. Is there anything in the novels/comics/games that add to this???

Ryuu is rightfully pissed off! But the look Io gives here says again ‘I know what I am doing is hurtful, but I made my decision in my/everyone’s best interests’. Supposedly.

GAHH I NEED MORE CONTEXT.

Supporting my theory that Io is simply being a stupid teenager! Which I suppose could also play into the slightly deeper motivations I speculated about. Buuuuut still... a bit of a cop out.

Monster that makes its own sound effects! Or one that’s attempting to be a Pokemon!

I love when the boys other than Yumoto get into the fight! Yay!

I guess they have time for full transformations since they’re missing one! (or they need to pad the episode runtime, MAGICAL BOY STYLE)

Such an empty yellow spot

Ryuu… you ran right into it... it’s like you weren’t even trying.

Well that sounds suggestive

THIS MONSTER IS RIDICULOUS I LOVE IT

EVEN THE OTHERS REALIZE IT

Poor Ryuu- I’d cry if I was tickled that much, too. I probably would have also pissed myself.

Io jfc you can’t just stop being ticklish because an enemy decides to tickle you!

Nonetheless, boyfriend is pissed

Oh wait- Io transformation by himself. More screentime padding!

In other words- “GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY MAN”

DAYUM IO- punch the monster through a fucking WALL. Somebody’s been working out.

Also idk why the color is so off in this action scene- it’s so daaaaark

“I’m so humilated and my pants are probably ruined”

“It’s about time you got your head out of your ass and saved my ass or I was gonna kick your ass!”

Yayyyyyy they made up!

Why is the monster adorable?

Sassing Yumoto, a DC pastime

PFFFT YUMOTO MY SMOL PRECIOUS CHILD NEVER CHANGE

Seriously why is a screw monster so cute

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before but it so looks like the CA’s pants are actually leeggings

Maybe that’s why Kinshiro wears a cape he’s self conscious about showing off his ass ffffft

DUN DUN DUN SPOTTED

Pssssssssssh you all are cosplayers at heart

Oh… is this why Yumoto’s bad at Japanese???

DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNN (x2)

I love this conversation- even without the underlying context it basically supports my theorizing (except for the implication that the SC would have potentially been more profitable)

Ryuu is right; he knows Io should have been able to calculate which was financially a better deal in three seconds. He probably knows that Io was struggling with something emotionally.

Io’s ‘I can’t tell you that’ is cheeky but I can take it 2 ways actually. Potentially, the SC was more profitable money wise, but the DC is more profitable for Io emotionally. So it could mean both of those things. Or like I thought earlier, the DC could be both emotionally and financially profitable and Io is just being a little shit because he second-guessed everything but doesn’t want to admit why.

Buhhhhh these boys.

Pshhhh En YOU DID NOTHING AND YOU’RE TIRED

OHHHH YOU GUYS AGAIN - interesting implications fufufufufufufufufu

You look like a cat Kinosaki

And lastly.. Dat face

Kinshiro has the evil villain glare/’stare into the camera like you’re on the office’ look down PAT

Well then! I don’t know if my ramblings about Io’s motivations made much sense but that’s like, the ONLY thing I can think of that justifies his willingness to leave other than he was just being a little shit and following the yen for no reason. Again, if there’s any other canonical evidence from other media that explains this episode please point me in that direction because I am confused! This explanation makes sense but... I don’t understand how the writers wanted the audience to take this episode. Reminds me of Tokyo Mew Mew where Zakuro repeatedly threatened to leave/actually almost did leave the Mew Mews, sometimes because of her own insecurities and sometimes because Mint was being a little shit and Zakuro wanted to kick her ass into gear. I don’t get that Io was playing with the DC to make them realize anything- this was he was working through something that we just weren’t privy to.

#cupkayke rewatches boueibu #cupkaykey rewatches boueibu #boueibu #binan koukou chikyuu bouei bu love!#binan kōkō chikyū bōei bu love!#binan high school earth defense club love!#Binan Koukou Chikyuu Bouei-bu LOVE!#Cute High Earth Defense Club Love!#boueibu meta

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tuesdayandtuesday · 8 years ago

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An old MK WIP that I never finished but hmmmmmm wherever I was going with this, it was good shit. I think I described it once as “baseball meets Ghostbusters a little”? Go figure.

3273 words of WIP, kids.

The hurricanes are new. Mako has spent his whole life within the city walls, and he knows the summer storms and winter blizzards as well as he knows the cold streets. The weather is as much as part of his survival as quick wits and sheer luck have been over the last few years, and he’d have to be utterly unconcerned with living another day to ignore it. If anyone is sensitive to changes in the weather, it is him, and as such, he is unwaveringly certain that the hurricanes are new.

They never last long, and no one knows where they come from. In the morning, the sky will be clear save for the occasional cloud, but by mid-afternoon, the winds can whip themselves into a frenzy as those same occasional clouds coalesce to block out the sun in a great black mass, if only for a few terrifying minutes. By nightfall, though, the stars are visible in greater numbers than ever before, bringing the clearest skies the city has seen in centuries. But stranger still is the fact that this is winter. A brutal series of snowstorms Mako could attribute to chance, maybe even to angry elementals from the mountains, but the hurricanes are out of season by months, and not even a horde of bitter magical beings has enough energy to summon such devastating weather without the proper conditions already in place. Mid-winter has never been so warm, and something is wrong.

He tries to convince himself he’s grateful that the freezing temperatures have been kept at bay, but it’s hard to do that when the driving rain carries him wherever it wishes if he gets caught in it. The first time the rain had its way with him, he was unceremoniously blown into an alleyway littered with the bones of small fish and ragged sheets of their scales. He tore his palms to pieces when the wind threw him to the ground. The second time, the gale was so strong that his feet left the earth, and his left shoulder made contact with a warehouse wall so hard every bone in his body rattled. Since then, he has made an effort to be safely ensconced in his various hideaways whenever the hurricanes strike, but he is not always successful. They are far from predictable, and if he’s not mistaken, they’re getting more erratic.

Which is why is he caught in the center of the port market instead of hiding further inland when the next one hits.

The fishermen don’t have to close their shops; the storm does that for them. The winds seize the wooden shutters and slam them down as fish roll from the countertops, landing in wet, heavy piles. Those lucky enough to own solid metal covers for their stalls receive similar treatment, though they barely have enough time to scrape their catch inside before the metal sheets come flying down. An unlucky man howls as his hand is trapped under one such sheet, but Mako is already stumbling by, unable to help as the wind at his back threatens to propel him clear into the sea. He digs his heels in and wrenches his coat tighter around his body, fumbling with the buttons while he tries to correct his course. Better to scrape his knees landing in a pile of fishery refuse than to be plunged into the churning bay with his coat acting as a sail. Whitecaps beat against the piers, the spray rising higher and higher, seeking to flood the city, and he knows that he’ll drown without a doubt if the wind tosses him to the raging water.

Thankfully some of the fish nets that have yet to be unloaded are heavy. The ropes whip and snap, but the sopping weight of the fish prevents the nets from being carried away. As Mako careens past one, he makes a desperate grab for the netting, wincing as a loose end lashes his cheek, barely missing his eye. Still, he catches the wet rope in his hand and hangs on, pulling himself closer to the day’s catch until he can wedge his boots under the pile. With the storm raging on this way, he can’t feel safe, but at least he’s not rolling through the street at the hurricane’s mercy. The injuries from that would be atrocious, not to mention the embarrassment. Mako might not be a public figure, but he still has an image to uphold in the city’s darker streets, and being tossed around like a half-empty sack of flour doesn’t suit him well at all.

“Not now,” he gasps as a particularly violent gust threatens to rip him clear of the netting. The time for worrying about his reputation is definitely not now, not that being picked up and waved about helps keep his mind off it. The fish in front of him aren’t much help, either. They weigh him down as they stare blankly, dead eyes glazed over to reflect his terrified expression back at him from a number of uncomfortable angles. Unnerved by the gaping fish mouths and their similarities with his reflection, he screws his eyes shut and curls in on himself as well as he can.

As such, he doesn’t see the lightning strike as it lays waste to the netted fish. He does, however, feel its heat rather keenly, and he lets go on reflex. The shifting winds need only that, and suddenly he’s hurtling through the air, limbs going in whichever direction the wind takes them, and then he strikes something very solid. It gives a couple inches with the impact, but only a couple. Then steady hands are setting him upright.

“Nice landing,” shouts the woman who caught him, hands wrapped around his forearms to keep him from blowing away again. She grins at him, and Mako does his best impression of a dead fish. It’s a very good impression, he realizes when he looks her in the eye and sees himself gaping at her. If he hadn’t felt the blood drain from his face as he soared through the air, he might have turned red with shame. Instead, he stutters something grateful that’s swallowed by the wind.

The woman doesn’t seem to mind. “Take this,” she orders him, sliding a sling off her shoulder. It holds a wooden staff patterned with hundreds of jagged runes, all of which are glowing with a brilliant silver light, and Mako hesitates to touch it. She doesn’t have time to dally, though, and pushes it into his hand. “That’ll keep you from blowing away,” she explains as she puts a hand on his shoulder. “Whatever you do, don’t let go.”

“Or?” he asks, but he already knows the answer. If he loosens his white-knuckle grip on the staff, it’s down the street with the wind he’ll go, and he’d much rather stand around with a glorified stick in hand than go where the gale takes him. “Never mind. I’ve got it.”

“Good!” Mako expects the woman to do something, anything now, but she’s not out of instructions yet. “Ever play ball when you were a kid?” she asks. “Or try to hit apples with a stick? Rocks? Anything?”

“Kind of?” He’s seen kids in the park plucking apples from the trees, hurling them towards their friends holding heavy branches. Most of the kids never quite got the branch high enough off the ground in time or swung it fast enough, but the rare few that found a good branch could smash it into the incoming apple, sending bits of fruit everywhere. Once, Mako even saw an apple stay whole when hit, and it flew straight back at the child who threw it. He can’t say he had the experience himself, not when he lost all sense of childhood so early on, but he gets the idea. “I know what you mean.”

“Then when the lightning comes at you, swing that as hard as you can.”

“What? No! Wait, come back!” But she’s already given him a pat on the shoulder and left him behind, running towards the thoroughly smoked fish by the pier. Another bolt of lightning explodes, razing the place where the woman’s foot was only moments before. Mako inhales sharply as she lunges forward, narrowly avoiding a scorching. She moves like the wind is nothing, he realizes, like the hurricane is no more than a light summer breeze. Weaving between dockside scraps caught up in the storm, she makes her way closer and closer to the fish, but just as it looks as if she’ll climb it to the top, she veers right and sprints toward the end of the nearest pier. The waves crash over the pier, throwing foam into the air, but she charges clear through them. Mako isn’t sure if it’s his imagination, but he swears he sees the roiling water part willingly as the woman races through it.

When she reaches the end of the pier, though, his heart catches in his throat. He watches helplessly, armed only with a glowing stick and the good sense not to move an inch, as she reaches up behind her head and slides a length of white and blue cord out of her hair. Her ponytail falls apart, and as soon as she drops the cord on the pier, the hurricane finally reaches her. With a mighty roar, the cloudy walls in the distance rush inward, and the woman is soaring into the storm before Mako can cry out, out of sight in the space of time it takes him to think, “Oh shit.”

Strangely, though, he hears laughter. At first he thinks it’s long-delayed thunder, come at last now that lightning has struck twice, but the longer he waits, the more it sounds like the hurricane is positively howling, more mirth than maelstrom. He adjusts his grip on the staff, sliding his hands toward the base and leaning the other end back over his shoulder. The laughter can’t be good, he thinks. He’s going to die, and the hurricane is laughing at his sorry state of affairs. What a way to go.

But it isn’t the hurricane having a laugh. Mako squints at the hazy shape at the storm’s eye, and then plunging down from the eye is the woman, her dark hair streaming out behind her as she wrestles with a bolt of lightning. She’s the one whooping with delight, and he can’t understand it at all. What’s so exciting about riding concentrated electric death towards the ocean? Not to mention she should be dead from wrestling with lightning. “It’s lightning,” Mako croaks weakly, shoulders sagging.

He doesn’t get long to puzzle through it, though, because the bolt suddenly changes course; naturally, he’s standing right in the way. It gathers speed as it soars over the bay, an arrow of white foam rippling in its wake. “Incoming!” yells the woman, beaming as the distance between Mako and certain death closes. “Are you ready?”

“No!”

“Too bad. Swing!”

He doesn’t see much of a choice. Pretending his knees aren’t wobbling, he winds up, prays a little to nothing in particular, and then swings.

Next thing he knows, he’s lying on the ground, the woman sprawled on top of him, and it feels like he’s been crushed by a sea of bricks.

“Nice catch,” the woman says, rolling aside and patting her knees and the insides of her legs. Her pants are smoking gently, probably from sitting on top of a lightning bolt as if it were no more than an ill-tempered wild pony, but she seems unconcerned on the whole.

“We’re dead,” Mako informs her seriously, taking her hand when she offers to haul him to his feet. “We’re dead, and we died in a hurricane because you played piggyback with lightning.”

“Actually,” she corrects him, stooping to pick up the staff from where it lies on the ground, runes now dark, “we’re alive, and we lived through a hurricane because you have a solid swing. Good work, champ.”

Mako rubs his left arm, wincing as soon as he puts any pressure on it. Rolling up his sleeve, he finds it’s already begun to turn purple and black with bruises. That’s not the only new development, though. The weather is completely different, and when he looks out at the bay, it rolls gently as if nothing ever happened, sparkling in the pale winter sun. “What the hell happened?” he asks slowly, rolling his sleeve back down. “What did you do?” He looks at his hands, and sees the red outlines of runes pressed into his palms. “What did I do?”

“A storm sprite happened, and we put him where he belongs.” She wiggles the staff with a grin. “He’ll stay in here for a few centuries and calm down.

“I’m Korra,” she adds, slinging the staff over her shoulder again.

“Mako,” he replies automatically. “Nice to meet you?”

“You don’t have to make it a question.”

“We almost died. I’m not really sure if it’s been nice.”

“But we didn’t die.” And that’s her final say on the subject. As she looks past Mako, the easy grin slides from her face, and she shakes her head. “We’ll talk later,” she tells him, one hand reaching back to pat the staff, checking to be sure it’s still there. She leaves him standing in the destroyed port, stopping only to retrieve her cord from the end of the pier before flying down an alley and vanishing from view.

Mako and the piles of fish gape at her, and he moves only when damage control shows up. “Take it easy,” one of the new arrivals says as Mako prepares to bolt, approaching with a clipboard and a second officer in tow, that one armed with medical supplies. “Let’s patch you up, and then maybe you can answer some questions.”

Anyone else might ask what questions there are to be answered in the wake of a natural disaster, but suddenly Mako realizes he’s witnessed anything but a natural disaster. He’s witnessed the capture of an elemental with more power than any of the sprites hiding in the mountains. He’s witnessed a kind of supernatural destruction and an even more supernatural salvation. He’s witnessed magic, and when he locks eyes with the officer with the clipboard, he doesn’t see the face of a man who will take kindly to such a thing. When asked what happens, Mako lies. He was thrown against the wall, he says, he doesn’t remember most of what happened, he says, he’s just glad he didn’t die, he says. At least the last part isn’t a lie, and after the second officer tapes a tiny bandage below Mako’s eye, he’s sent away from the destruction without a backward glance.

All the way to the park, he keeps his fists clenched tight, relief filling his bones. It’s a miracle the officers didn’t see his hands.

He only got a short glimpse himself before hiding them, but the rune marks haven’t faded.

-----

Mako wonders what Korra meant to talk about later, and wonders even more so about where to find her. Searching the whole city for a stranger won’t be easy, he realizes, and he’s right. Between capturing the storm sprite and their next meeting, three whole months pass, and spring is settling over the city with new growth and steady rains. In that time, there is no sign of Korra, and Mako begins to wonder if she really ever meant to come back in the first place. She has to, though, he thinks, always looking at the runes peeking out from under the edge of his gloves. In three months, the markings have gone from angry red to pale pink, and there they have stayed. She has to explain it.

And she does. As Mako gradually begins to give up on finding her again, she makes her return, tapping his shoulder with the toe of her boot, perched above the park trail and disguised among the budding branches of a nearby tree. Mako’s first response to the touch is to whirl around, fists raised, but when there’s no one on the path behind him, he looks up and finds Korra with a hand raised in greeting.

“How’d you find me?” he asks, though he thinks he knows the answer.

Korra pats the branch beside her as if inviting him up, and when he doesn’t move, she prods him towards the trunk with her staff. “Magic,” she says, laying the staff across her lap and giving it a pointed look once Mako is settled beside her. “Comes in handy.”

“Handy,” he echoes, glancing at his gloved palms with a grimace. “Right.”

He makes a grab for the branch to hide them from view, but Korra already has a hold of his wrists, her thumbs pushing the gloves back far enough that she can see how far the runes still reach. Without explaining quite what she’s doing, she mutters a few short words under her breath that Mako doesn’t catch. The silver light that lit her staff three months prior shines from her palms and runs across to his in hundreds of streams, each as thin as a hair. When it fades, she draws back.

“Sorry about that,” she says, but with her head cocked and her eyes narrowed, she doesn’t look sorry. She looks like a hawk. Mako grabs the branch again, suddenly worried that he might find himself shoved to the ground. He’s played games of scrutiny before, games of staring and sizing up and calculating the expectations and the risks and the consequences, but this is different. Korra’s even stare lacks the cold edge he’s used to, and though she’s watching him closely, it’s not quite the same predatory stare from the streets. However, it’s just as threatening, if not even more so than any stare he’s ever known. Hell, it’s not just threatening; it’s intense. If he lets this go on any longer, he’s sure she’ll bore a hole straight through him and pull out every thought he’s ever had on a neat silver string. That kind of exposition doesn’t appeal to him in the slightest.

“You’re staring,” he says, forcing himself to keep a neutral expression.

“I was right,” she answers smugly, folding her arms.

“About?”

Korra seems to be just as skilled in dodging questions as she is at bottling up sprites. In fact, she’s even got the latter on her mind. “You,” she says, gesturing towards him with the staff, “should help me with another sprite.”

“Another?” He's already come close to drowning and electrocution with the first one. There is no reason whatsoever that he should be willing to risk his hide a second time around for a near stranger. He's got more sense than that.

Or maybe he used to.

“Answer a couple questions first” he agrees, trying to pretend the words aren’t coming out of his mouth.

“I might.”

“Why me, and how’s the sprite going to try killing us this time?”

But death by sprite isn’t on the agenda today. Sliding from the branch, Korra lands lightly and looks back up at Mako. “Coming?” she asks, and suddenly he worries she’ll vanish for good if he doesn’t follow her right now. Too many questions are still unanswered for that, he tells himself. That’s why he follows. Matching his stride with hers (and spirits, does she have a stride; either she has a destination in mind or she just walks like the wind), Mako nearly convinces himself that he’s at her side just to satisfy his curiosity.

Nearly.

#tuesday writes #fanfiction #uh filling these tags out i don't want it in the main tags #people are pretty shitty in the main tags still as far as i know lmao #i don't have time for that right now #ANYWAYS #lok

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curiouskarenscapers2017 · 7 years ago

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As I promised, my diary I wrote and sent to my friends and family, before the awesomeness of FB and blogging, on my year’s teaching English in Taiwan. I’m not changing anything as this is what I wrote then and want to keep it that way. Enjoy!

Welcome to the all new Taiwan Times. This publication has a limited release of once a month, so don’t lose out, get your copy now!

1 Aug 2004 – Opening Special – 5Nt$

Puffy and red-eyed I disappeared into the customs queue, only to discover they don’t exchange rands for $ on the departure side, officially I have left SA soil. Anyway, can always change it in Hong Kong or at Taipei airport…..right?

So on the Cathy Pacific plane I got greeted curtly but friendly by red and yellow hostesses and secured myself a cozy corner with, as usual, a vacant seat next to me for my guardian angle. I started reading my JM Auel novel Shelters of Stone until we were circling Jo’burg, up, up and away. The dry brown grass slowly gave way to more green lush vegetation as I flew over Nelspruit and then….weeeeeeeee the big blue Indian ocean! First time out exploring this side!! Behind me the African continent, ahead of me, the big blue unknown. Weird, about an hour or three into the 13hour flight I see land. Stretching out across the horizon. Did we turn around at anytime? I didn’t feel anything! How weird! Then I started going through my geography lessons, Madagascar is just off the coast, but that’s only an island, surely this is not it! We probably flew for over an hour and the land just stretched out forever! I couldn’t believe it, and yes it was Madagascar! It was one of the few times…..I was totally taken by surprise geographically speaking! My word, what a huge country! Mountains, sand, desert looking areas and tropical fringes as we neared it’s east coast. Well, I will have to come visit this place soon!! I thinks it’s bigger than the whole of Taiwan, I’ll check and let you know!

Then …….only the wide blue expanse known as the sea. How small I feel now, like a mozzie hovering over a swimming pool…..an Olympic size swimming pool! Started reading my book, when I discovered everybody busy watching something. Now because of my position in the plane I was situated at an isle that does not have a seat in front of it. No TV screen except for one mounted up on the wall to my right. A safety video was playing as in our new airplanes. When it finished, I watched and waited……hmmmmmm interesting…….the guy next to me had his tray table out, wait, it’s not his tray table, it’s a TV screen. I fiddled and pulled and eventually found it hidden on a aluminum arched arm. Ha!!! Gotcha! Then the manual, yeaaah right, me and a manual……..what does this button do……….so on page 5 of the manual select this button for movies, sports etc. FINE! A few minutes later I had the world at my fingertips. My, how technology livens up a flight these days. I had a choice of Premier movies, Blockbusters, stuff for kids (only watched (The Emperor’s Groove)the lama movie once ….ok!) Games etc,etc. Watched Hildago x2 and Man on Fire once. Couldn’t sleep properly, only dozed as we cruised at 890km/h 37 000ft up. Lovely. In the early morning hours we flew over Phuket, what a sight!!! It looked like an alien life form sprawled out web like on the black velvet. The city lights outlined the whole island, small insects attached by orange byways. Then nothing. The strange Northern sky stars were visible as we passed through clouds and into clear indigo skies.

Breakfast was served at about 1 am SA time, 7am theirs and I looked down to see the South China Sea. I tired hard to spot any pirates but I think we were to high up……I could have sworn I…..no, no not to sure…… Anyway, next moment mainland China loomed and we flew into Hong Kong. Aaaaahhhssoooooooo!

As the clouds cleared a very alien land revealed itself. Mountains of Cape Town’s Somerset West area covered with lush green vegetation of KZN dotted with skyscraper clusters of white buildings. Each cluster had about 3 to 5 skyscrapers bundled together to form little sky scraper honeycombs of apartments. Difficult to see how high they are but any of our buildings look like squatter camps compared. My eyes can’t focus well today as I think I’m still sleepwalking, but roughly 100 floors up, divided by a central horizontal level, others look like they have a base of a shopping center with 5 spikes of apartments on it’s back.

As we flew in we crossed an amazing bridge that looks like thread holding the supporting beams up. Like those forms we used to make at school with threads around the nails in a board. Stunning. Lot’s of boats and freight ships up and down the harbour entrance.

It looked as if we were going to land in the sea when you suddenly see the runway jutting out into the sea…..coool!!!!!

You don’t get the impression that’s it’s over crowded here at all. Lot’s of green. Actually reminds me of Jurassic Park – Ilsorna Island. The temperature when we landed was 27C. The airport is huge, over 80 gates. This is why I say everything happens for a reason, I land at gate 66 and my departing gate is 4. So if it wasn’t I would have to walk from one end of this massive airport to the other!!! To see the shops, take pictures at every flowerpot because they have orchids in them, for pa etc. Definitely walked off the 13hours. This is a shopping paradise! Duty free is to die for! Went to the restrooms to freshen up and found an addition to my other novel I’m compiling – 101 ways to flush a toilet throughout the world – Today we tried the “self flushing” function, or what I like to call the “auto pilot flushing function”. Please check your packaging before purchase to make sure the box reads APFF, if it does nor say APFF it does not have APFF (Intel jingle here). Walk in sit down, stand up and leave – flushing will occur automatically/by itself……..cooooolllll!!! Ok, ok,ok just one more time!

Anyway, sitting waiting for my next flight to my island destination! They have an announcement system…wat skrik vir niks! A lady’s voice with a posh English cum Irish accent is used on the recording (like our voicemail on the cell phones…you have one new message…) It announces passengers still to board, but instead of the lady saying the passenger’s name a Chinese person had recorded the names and repeats it twice. Eg. Lady: Would passenger …….Chinese person: Yin Lung Chaw, Yin Lung Chaw….Lady: delaying flight CX450 to Beijing board at gate 4. Then everything get played again. It sounds something like Dory in Finding Nemo, speaking whale……..

Anyway, updated my report before my memory function shuts down…Don’t know how I’ll look like getting there and still going straight to the parents function —-that story’s for later! Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

As we approached Taiwan, 1:10min flight, 399miles/h, 803km/h, the south side of the island is beautiful, out of the exotic island books. You can see the continental shelf and islands in clear blue water, as you travel up North toward Taipei, you pass some of the bigger cities. The clouds around each city had a weird haziness to it. Like a brownish glow amongst the white. The next city darker more hazy, less cloud. Until we reached Taipei. I thought we were flying into a storm, or at least raining weather. Then I slowly realized it’s pollution. My word. As the plane descended it was like flying into a dark cloud and you couldn’t see a thing! Once we landed it looked a lot like a Durban sized airport. I arrived, through customs and got my luggage. I was met by a Chinese guy with a placard with my name on. It felt like Jo’burg airport and a bus of Chinese tourists had just been dropped off.

Waited a while, while he collected 3 other people. Then we got into a kombi/Caraval looking VW with tinted windows and little curtains…..hmmmmmmmmm. By this time my bum was numb and here I was sitting in the taxi driving to who knows how far away. And boy did we drive and drive and drive……… Eventually a further 2 hours later, back South down the island, we arrived at Chang Hwa (also spelt Changhua), the town the school is situated in. We stopped outside the Sesame School. Cute. Hot and very humid, 32C and who knows what % humidity, using my built in KZN humidity counter I would have guessed well into the 80 – 90%. I could barely get out of the taxi! He unpacked my bags and they left while I met the staff.

Jane was the girl at the reception. I also met Judy, the owner and two other teachers Nellie and Yvonne. All very friendly but I just wanted to drink water! Got an iced green tea instead….hmm refreshing!!! Then they asked me to take a seat! What!!! I have been sitting half my life…it feels like it ok!…..no thank you! I asked if I could go walking outside while they organize stuff. MacD greeted me in Chinese just across the road. About an hour later a Canadian teacher David dropped me off at the apartment where I met Jake, the security guard at the complex gate.

The area is relatively clean but quite crowded with buildings. Reminded me a lot of Nigeria, just much cleaner and neater. Millions of Taiwanese signs with no English translations greets you merrily as you look down the street, the people here are bombarded with signage and become blind to any new signage! The roads are good and at least they have robots, although a red light means yield up to a point. No stop signs anywhere.

The apartment also reminded me of Nigeria and we arrived at no 2 on the 10th floor. An Interesting ,Chinese art work, metal gate adorned the front door. As I arrived my room mates were expecting me and we all greeted each other cheerfully. Abby is a girl from Edmonton, Alberta Canada and Teri is from Parktown Joburg. I was going to be just fine. They are the coolest!! Got my room, about my townhouse lounge size, green. Sorted my stuff out and crashed on the bed.

They were going to the graduation ceremony which I was invited to, but because I had suddenly had a choice, I declined and asked if I could just lie down for a short while. Woke up some time during the night, around 7. They came back, we had a bottle of wine and started chatting away, telling me everything I wanted to know and more! Then they invited me out to their monthly jol, which I started off declining but ended up accepting….I might miss out on something man!!!

We were sorted. Teri lent me 2000NTS for now and we got a cab from the security guard at the gate. Got into the cab and Teri showed him where we wanted to go from an add in a magazine. Taichung is the town next door. Much Like Pretoria from Midrand or Toti from Durban. Communication is a bit of a hassle here as most don’t speak enough English to communicate! We eventually phoned the club and handed the phone to the driver to ask for directions himself! And we were off!!!

The Pig Pen was out destination. Cool! 200NTS to get in and the party started. NTS is about 1 – 5. So 200 NTS is about R40. I am proud to say, in my state I actually made it and upheld my reputation for leaving last! We left the club at about 5, went outside into full daylight, had a hotdog on the street for about 100NTS without the roll and got a cab home!

Teri disappeared and we got stuck with an Australian guy that was there on contract. We met some cool people at the club! American, Auzzie another Canadian and an Irish guy called Gary, a teacher at our school, and a gay Chinese guy called Twingo who works for M.A.C cosmetics. All sorts!

Danced sokkie at one stage with the American guy who was into the gay Chinese guy, as sweet as can be. He thanked me for the couple of dances later and Teri disappeared again with Clark Kent (no, only a guy that looked like Clark Kent). We supported Smirnoff by drinking Black Ice, very nice, Teri organized a few Sambuca shooters and we had a jol. People only go out very late at night, usually at about 11pm.

We eventually got home and wound up with no keys, Teri had them! So at about 6:30 in the morning Abby and I were looking for the locksmith that usually opens their door for them and we had breakfast when we couldn’t find him. The little side street eating place, was a place I think I would never have found under normal circumstances. We had a chicken pita “effek”. We went back to the apartment and crashed in Gary’s apartment for a few hours until about 11:30 when the locksmith was open, on a Sunday nogal. After about 30min we were home free. I showered, washed my hair, watched TV and slept from about 3pm until Monday morning. The girls had a braai that evening but I was left to recover, it’s the age you know!!!!

All rested and ready for my 1st day at school! Another weird similarity with Nigeria is their bread. Its sweet. There is water available outside in the street at a little pump against the wall. You buy a plastic reusable container that takes about 10litres or so for NTS70 and you can then refill at these pumps for NTS10. It’s like a self service fuel pump. Point the nozzle into the container, put in your NTS10 and suddenly the water flows. Thought it wouldn’t stop before it reached the top but, exactly the right amount fills the container and stops.

Got up had toast and started sorting my room to make it more homely. Got a table and cupboard from the spare room/store room and unpacked all my clothes etc. It is very hot here, the fan goes full blast 24/7. My hands and feet are suffering from water retention and I’m seldom hungry – good will lose weight quickly! I only need and want to drink water constantly!

I only start at the school at 1 o’clock and stay there until 9pm for the week. Can’t wait, saw pics of the school and the kids and know we’ll have a good time.

Teri has been here 1,5 years and Abby 6 months. There is a stunning place called Nanoi out of town that is beautiful, with trees etc. Not much of that around here. We’ll do that soon as I have some money. Things are very cheap here. Food etc. NTS 20 + rent NTS 3000 – NTS 5000 and a cell phone prepaid option NTS 600 with about NTS 400 free airtime. I’ll find out more about that. But laptops and cell phones are relatively cheap, a bicycle NTS 1 000 and scooter from NTS 5 000.

My first day at school – I was cool! I was assigned to Abby to show me the ropes. She showed me how the lesson plans worked etc. IDCS prepared me well for following structure! Then we went to class. About 10 Chinese kids. All Chinese here, don’t really talk about anything Taiwanese…..interesting. Kids are the same the world over! Infact these kids were very similar to many of the people I trained – so grown ups are like kids….eeeeuuureka!!!!

The naughty one, the quiet one, the over achiever, the under achiever etc.etc.etc Great fun. One of the kids, who by the way all have an English name assigned to them when they start here, Stanley was quite a handful, he’s one of those who just looks naughty before he even is! Anyway, he was getting a tad out of hand. Extremely hyperactive……….I wonder if they know about ADDS or have any treatment for that here? Anyway, Abby asked him to go sit next to me to help him relax and quieten down. It worked like a bomb. I scare them already! Staring at me as if I was some kind of a strange alien like being from another planet…….wait…..I was!!! Shame, he did exceptionally well in his little exercise we had to complete. And after him Luke joined me with pretty much the same result. Clearly Fear is not a factor for me!!

My body is doing all kinds of weird things in this hot and humid and polluted atmosphere. I’ve gone a funny swollen white, not wearing jewelry because you can’t get it off. Had puffy eyes on Tuesday morning and felt a bit queasy. The girls say it’s different for each person. They had worse!

Last night I finished at about 9, weird but nice to have a shift from 1 – 9 everyday for 3 months….or rather that’s the idea. Saturday’s from 10 – 4. I walked home all relaxed, popped in to what I hoped was a Supermarket, and it was, and checked out the stuff. Very cheap drinks etc. NT$ 8 for a cool drink about R1.50 and lots of it! Just as well I did the logo quiz that did it’s rounds on the internet a while back – because Lipton written in Chinese doesn’t say Lipton. But the red and yellow logo kind of did. We’ll get there! Very nice shop with tons of stuff. Hair colour is available for NT$ 100 (Loreal +- R20) Should have just bought it here instead of paying R50 – R70 at Dischem – all part of the learning curve!!!

There logo’s with Chinese writing is quite cool if you’re into the Chinese theme. Maybe I can do up one of my rooms back in SA with Hello Kitty lamps and hello kitty toothpaste and hey what about a Hello Kitty bed set and Ko Bo Bear toothbrush etc.etc.etc.etc.etc Shoppers paradise!

I’ve had mixed feelings about this place throughout the last few days. From – oh no it’s like Nigeria to cool food – chowfan, stunning flied lice with veggies and a surprise meat – no not that type, but sometimes it’s chicken and sometimes it’s shrimp etc. I’m sure I’ll be fine. I think I did expect it to look like a typical Japanese rural set up – the romantic version. Greenery, calmness etc etc. But I’m feeling much better about it now that I’ve gotten involved with the living here.

A note on the cars here, 90% of all cars are either some dark colour like black/blue but all have tinted windows right around, windscreen etc. – very cloak and dagger looking. Eventually found out that there is no weird and sinister reason for it, just the extreme heat. Lots of the cars also have curtains in the windows. The major ranges are, Toyota, Mitsubishi, Mercedes (they call it Benz), Mazda and Suzuki. Very few BMW’s. I cry a little each time I see one….like mine!!!!!booooohoooooooooooooo

Anyway, so I had my first on the Wednesday (28/7) – a bit nerve wrecking, weird and fun all together. I felt worse than I ever did training grown ups!! The kids are a tough crowd. But it went relatively well and the Thursday double class was great! I had a ball and was on a roll! The kids loved me even the naughty ones. Probably until they know me better.

Anyway, a few new habits I had to learn quickly: 1. I leave your shoes at the door. There are always shoes everywhere and nobody takes anybody else’s….cooollll. Even umbrellas at the shops. They have an umbrella grid outside the some shops, you stick it in there and when you come out, lo and behold it’s still there! 2. Speak like an American……..yeeeaaahh right, no really, oh….ok then! This I thought would be easy, because I love accents! But after a day or so twanging and drawling my mouth felt funny! I could get away with most sounds normally, it’s all the American sounds like a and r that influence their phonics studies. The worst part is the spelling!!!! To after 34 years spell colour –COLOR killed me!!! THIS IS WRONG, did you people know that??? Flavor, Habor…..eeeeeeeeuuuuuuwwwwwwww!!! I have to force the hand to omit the u……shame, that’s why I email and do the Taiwan Times in British Based English! AND ORGANIZE!!!!!! Really!!!

I had a lovely cooler walk home the one evening in the rain. Got a nice yellow raincoat from the girls that fit over my backpack as well, I look like the Michelin man now in yellow!!! At least no car can miss me!!!

No point in wearing closed shoes or anything but slip on or strap on shoes. Totally relaxed. I was way too dressed up for here. T-shirts and short are the order of the day – this is where I start realizing I am getting older!!! Too many corporate positions later…where you have to look professional or at least smart casual. Here it is whatever the weather dictates, the hotter the less or shorter. But no strappy things allowed. I am actually thinking of getting a few dresses……eeeeuuuuuww. I think however I’ll stay with the smart casual look, that’s more me!!

Went to the shop on Wednesday to buy bread. People aren’t into bread here, weird. Couldn’t get a full loaf of bread anywhere and then to ask for brown bread is unheard of. They have a 711 where they usually buy bread from and weird pastries…but divine!!! The only bread they have is like a delicatessen where you get a bag with 6 slices of something at NT$ 37 expensive. The girls said there is a bakery down the road, will check it out sometime.

I have a favourite food!!!! Chow Fan and a lemon type juice they mix at the juice bar borough. Softly lemon tasting with little seeds in it that look like tadpole eggs. They are cool to chew!!!!!!!!! Another unusual thing here is that unlike our ice cream truck with it’s memorable tune, the garbage truck has a tune. I ran outside to get an ice cream and was instead greeted by a “trash worker” not a garbage man – trash worker

Went to McDonalds for lunch. They have a Mc Rib burger/roll meal for NT$109. Stunning – look out for it in SA soon!!! A roll with ribless rib meat on a whole grain bun – jummy!!!!

We had my first teachers meeting the Wednesday night at 8:30. A weekly occurrence. I was formally welcomed. They have a power point presentation with the relevant points to discuss and 15 min later the meeting was over. I need to teach somebody some Power Point techniques.

The kids here are still up and going to these after school classes till 9pm. Even the little ones 5yrs and up. I couldn’t believe the energy they have at this hour!!!HECTIC.

It was a stunning day the Thursday morning, I could see the mountain from my room, clear and hot. Probably because of last nights cleansing session.

The channels here are HBO, AXN, Star Movies and a few other we don’t really watch. Discovery Channel and National Geographic is in Chinese with Chinese subtitles – thanks for that!! But I can at least watch the pictures go by. AXN is like SABC 1,2,3 even changes between programmes are similar. HBO is more movies. Watched XXX for the millionth time, and enjoyed every minute! Will have to get used to it. Not much time for TV though – I’m at the school from about 10am to 9pm soon it will be 9am – 9pm, they have plans. Saturday I went to the opening of their new school. Per scooter again!!!! I’m getting the hang of it now. I need to learn to relax behind the person riding because it’s not me in control! We met with the parent as well as new students, great fun. Outside the school they decorate the entrance with huge round wreaths. It looked like a funeral palour but then I realized it is festivity wreaths. People drop it of at the school to whish them good luck and good fortune. Red and gold are the colours of luck and fortune. Parents bring flower arrangements with a red ribbon/banner with gold writing on. Very interesting. Looks like a huge party. The round wreaths are nearly a meter to 1.5 m in diameter with red, white synthetic flowers and decorations. Probably about 6 – 10 of them outside and in the street along the side walk. After that I saw them around town where ever something was celebrated or good luck was whished upon the shop or house.

Saturday afternoon at about 4:30 I was back at home cleaning up a bit with the Beagle Buddies at my heals.

I met another SA friend of Teri and Abby, Nicolene and they went out partying at about 11:30pm. I watched movies and went to bed, woke up at about 9 and was told we are meeting Judy (the owner) at about 3 for a meeting about the new school and kindergarten. We lazed around a while and took a walk down to the school. Nobody was there and we waited a few minutes before heading back home via a different route. Saw a stunning temple on the way. Will take some pics. Got to the flat and Judy phoned. We met her after 4 at a place called Hola Amigo. They greeted you “Hola Amigo” as you enter. Very jazzy, lounge type look and feel to it but very nice. Décor very Jo’burg!

Monday 2/8 was hectic and confusing. Not too organized as to the new material to use with the new semester. But a few days of improvising eventually lead to the successful end result of knowing what you’re supposed to be doing.

The girls were in a bit of a slump the last few days with all the changes and uncertainty as to what positions they are to be moved into etc. Teri to the new school and Abby taking over the kindergarten with me. Me doing the kindergarten, ESL and Sesame street. Well see what happens.

I was still hunting down banks day after day with no success.

On the Tuesday night as I got home around 9:30. I met another SA teacher. Hennie Malan. We got talking immediately and he wanted to introduce me to the other teachers not of our school – nogal Afrikaans people. An older crowd……my age! I know what you were thinking there…… Watchit!!!!! I’m looking forward to gooi the taal a bit!A new teacher Ryno from SA arrived today and he’s Afrikaans……good opportunity!

It’s weird how you substitute certain Afrikaans words for certain situations when only the Afrikaans word kan explain it. Like today I found myself telling David, the Canadian teacher about something that was VREk ver….oh sorry….very far…naaaaah not the same! What a language we have!!

Abby felt a tremour the other day as we stood in the office. I didn’t even notice although I felt weird and everything felt “thick”..don’t know hot to explain it. The air was tight/thick……weird!!!

Anyway must look at maybe getting a place of my own in a new building, maybe on the 4th floor or 2nd floor, not the 10th! Less further to fall…..just incase you know.

I’m bursting with anticipation to travel. This Hennie guy had just come from a weeks holiday in Thailand. Stayed in 5s tar hotels for 6 nigths and how much did it cost him?…..a meager NTS 5000 not even R1000!!! The deals here are apparently the best. Because of a very small apartment culture 24/7 the people want to splurge on their holidays! Will have to check that out….maybe we can all rather meet there for a week…..pack the bikinis.

One very sad discovery I made here was that people don’t EVER tan!! Can you believe it!!! EVER! Apparently it is their culture to try and be as white and pure as possible. There is even discrimination against the darker coloured Chinese people, these are usually working class, or spend most of their time outside in the fields or rice paddies. Not pure. Interesting, I’m ranking in at the sub worker level without starting!

Well, I am definitely getting a scooter!!!!! What a rush!! Had to ride one yesterday for the first time because of Teri having had a bumper bashing on hers. This is where you start it, this is where you brake, this is the petrol and here’s your helmet!!! Go!! It’s like riding a bike only I never got to the motorbike part, I skipped it for the 4wheel vehicle. But well, let me tell you, ma’s going to love it!! Wind in your hair that sticks out, helmet hair and the occasional bug in your face. Reminds me of the movie Me Myself and Irene but the freedom to get around…faster, is the best!!! And left hand driving as well…on the road…not on the scooter! Man you can’t beat it!! Better than a car here because you can stop anywhere, park anywhere etc. etc. Needless to say I got hopelessly lost and a ride that would normally take 10min or less took me 45 min! I was late for the class and it was getting dark. I said to myself, myself, I have a feeling it’s down this road, I took a right and voila it was there. Probably a block away from where I was busy getting lost. But I did find, after many days of searching the land, the bank I was looking for ICBC! A pitty that I couldn’t do my banking then, because I will have to find it again!!! I suppose that’s the best way to find your way around. The only concern I had while getting lost was that nothing is in English or the people on the street don’t speak enough English to direct you if you asked for directions!! AND no cell phone!!! I’m going to have to organize!

Just got my massive paycheck of R1000 for my 1st weeks work and had a slightly depressing evening. Got home had a glass of red wine and went to sleep. The next day I had to get to the other school again. Every Wednesday from 2 – 4. I was going to cycle there but instead….somebody…lent me there SCOOTER!!!! Wendy a Chinese teacher did! Weeeeeeee, I’m OK now! Did I mention poor Amy had no petrol in her tank left after I returned her scooter? No? well I bought her a chocolate and she refused my money. Wonder where I can go with Wendy’s Yamaha SV today AND get this it has a remote!!! No WAY!!!! Like a car remote but only for a scooter!!! What next!!!??? Ma – I’ll get you one of those! Press the remote on your way to the bike and it starts for you…..over there!! Where it’s parked while you’re over here still walking over there!!!!…teeeeheeeheeee Then you switch it off via the remote. A tweet tweet and it’s off and locked….no no really!!! Troes bob!! I just need a cool helmet!!

Went on an outing Friday 13/8 to the swimming pool. Let me explain. It’s more of a water world under roof. Two buildings. One is more a spa. They have the usual pool with 8 lanes then an extra one with about 3 lanes or so and a small section with little pools all over, with different types of spa’s. Ones a Jacuzzi, one’s salty etc. Steam rooms and saunas very well organized with little seats per person in the spa pools. The outside building has the super tube inside that ends into a big play pool. A normal Virgin Active style pool as well next to it. They have 2 cool water canons mounted next to the play pool – I had to try it out!!! Got em all good and solid!!! Who da woman!!! They begged me to stop! It’s your birthday, it’s your birthday

What a jol. I didn’t swim, we had to watch the kids! Eventually the kids were pulling up my jeans so that I could walk into the pool until knee high! Too cute!!! Let me tell you what else this spa has….but let me just take a few minutes to tell you what karaoke means to these people. The karaoke bars or rather palaces dot the country side like chicken pox. It’s called KTV bars here and they are a religion all on it’s own. Back to the spa, you might ask why Karen did you tell us about the karaoke…well dear reader in the spa upstairs where you get dressed or undressed are two very fancy massage chairs and low and behold 2 bible looking A4 sized leather books with gold writing. As I turned around, there it was. A big screen TV with a coin operated pad to select your song and two huge microphones. I took a picture. Just incase your partner on the massage chair has no music to relax to. Now, I’m not the real gung-ho karaoke singer type and will ONLY participate kicking and screaming in the name of fun. Boetie, this place is for you and your gang and Erica!! I’m sure I can organize an amazing system here for you guys for next to nothing.

This weekend I’m getting a sim card, can’t go on like this! Will let you know as soon as possible.

Well I did it, got a sim card on Saturday 14/8 on the IF network – Far East Tone and set everything up. What a feeling of telecommunication freedom. Got my number 091 740 9954 and checked out the cellular info on their packages. Very cheap and very good because there are so many provider and networks. Competition is fierce!!!

Some Taiwan Cellular info: Got my SIM card on Saturday 14/8 and their airtime expires 6months after your 1st call. 2 Packages available are the Regular and Leisure airtime packages

Peak times are Mon – Fri 08:00 – 23:00 and Sat 8 – 12 at NT$ 0.2/sec. Off peak are Mon – Fri 23:00 – 08:00 and Sat 12:00 – Mon 8:00 & Holidays at NT$ 0.1/sec You pay to retrieve voicemail at NT$ 0.06/sec. But they have a chat room on the network and a multi way chat room where up to 20 people can chat via sms.

We were all getting very excited about our teacher’s weekend away to Kenting. The southern most tip of Taiwan. The days were flying past. Ryno is cool and we all get along very well. Good to be able to have a guy friend to chat to when the girly talk gets too much!!! It’s like having boetie here. Ryno is a year younger than Jacques.

Finally the weekend dawned, I’ve done my 13 hours a day since Monday and I need a break!! We packed on Friday night and were ready for the trip!

Woke up at 6:00 and got ready to leave!! We got to the school and the bus was ready and waiting. We got some supplies from the 711 because Mac Donalds was closed! Anyway got on the bus at about 7:05 and got settled …. at the back of the bus….as usual. Four TV screens in the bus, looking like one of our Indian Tour buses. It was comfortable and the movie that started was “The Chronicles of Riddick”. I nearly died, my kind of movie. 5 min later they stopped it and changed it to Harry Potter The Prisoner of Azkaban. Oh ok then. Cool to see the countryside. Very green with rice paddies and bamboo. We stopped about 2 hours later in Pai Ho – white river! The most stunning flowers/lotus lilies etc. Like a bit of a fleamarket. The most amazing Lotus plantation with large pans of the most beautiful blossoms in different colours ranging from shades of whites, yellow, pink to deep purples. I then also realized that I saw seeds at a few flower shops and shows I didn’t know existed until now. Now I know! The lotus blossom after losing it’s petals, the small seed pod is left behind. They take the seeds out and cook it or use it in dished etc. They also put the seeds into gut, like our boerewors and you eat it cooked. Look a tad doggey but it’s quite nice!

Tastes a bit bland and meelerig but good. The seed pods are then dried. It looks like a filled cup with empty sockets in where the seeds go. The lotus leaves are used in dishes too. We left White River and about 30 min later stopped at a small hall in the middle of nowhere. – called the Blackwood Museum. A stunning root/tree stump adorns the entrance.

As we walked inside it was a hall with about 20 -30 round tables in with about10 chairs per table. We were the only ones there until about 10 min into getting our food. Then the typical Chinese tourist buses filed in and within 20 min the whole hall was packed with people. The food was interesting. I have a new favourite food. A fried crumbed prawn in a lotus leaf with a seafood dressing on. You eat the leaf as well.

Excellent!! The funny little seed worsies were in a good sauce, which probably made them more exciting. When it arrived at the table it was on a hot plate, sizzling away! But initially I had my doubts as to what it was and what part of the little animal it came from!! They make stunning sticky rice with mushrooms in a big brown leaf. We finally arrived at Yoho Beach Resort at about 2:30 – we were ushered into the sports bar and waited.

Being South African and needing a break from the karaoke on the bus…yes that’s right you heard me, the whole little setup with microphone plugs etc all for singing your heart out from the comfort of your chair!!! We regrouped and decided to go explore while they decide who’s key is who’s and what everything means. It was 3 o’clock and we were wasting precious tanning time!!! We got our key went to our room, got dressed in our cozies, and went to the beach! Stunning place, well organized and definitely geared to cater for the masses.

People were everywhere, it thinned out as we headed for the beach. No Chinese on the beach, infact there was nobody on the beach but a few fisher man. We found a little path leading to the beach, past the beach volleyball court and the little security booth. We finally got to the beach and stared in a confusion of mixed feelings. 1stl the sea was a stunning array of blues, lights mixed with dark blues. Beautiful! The next thing was the coral reefs above the water line, little shallow rock pools everywhere…stunning!! The problem was that there was about +-100m of coral reef between the beach and the deep blue sea!!! We couldn’t believe our eyes!!! We couldn’t get anywhere near the water on this little PRIVATE beach!

So we found a huge driftwood tree trunk, unpacked our stuff and lay down, our toes just reaching a small rock pool’s warm water. It’ll do! We sat and watched the sun go down, drinking Heineken Ryno brought after a while. All our opening bottle tricks came out when we realized the beer wasn’t screw tops! Who doesn’t make a screw top bottle in this day and age! Really!!! I remembered the lighter trick and nearly killed Teri’s lighter in the process opening 4 bottles of beer!

Anyway it was all worth it and we watched a stunning sun set and made our way up to the swimming pools at about 6:20. Went down a super tube ride that makes Toti’s one seem like a bath tub!! First you think this is nothing, sliding from side to side about 3 times or so then it just totally throws you into a confusion of turns you think your body would follow but noooooooo, you come out the end spinning like a bullet leaving the barrel…..cool!!! Let’s do that again!! Once I find which way is up! We lay around in the pool until about 7:15 and were down at the BBQ buffet at about 7:45…typical. We ran to the room got semi better dressed and were ready for our braai! We got to the table, said hello to the Chinese teachers already there, eating their rice, noodles and other Chinese food and headed straight for the meat section!! The place wasn’t really and enclosed building, rather a gathering place with sleeper tables like at the Firkin or Keg and Chopstix.

All outside in the open. Well, all I had was about 6 stunningly braaied to perfection, juicy lamb chops! My word, they can braai!! Ryno went for 3rds and 4ths, he said he was savouring the moment and didn’t want to let go!! We were thinking of organizing take aways or a few dozen doggy bags, but I don’t think they would be too happy with that! It cost us about NT$780 per person. It was time for the rugby soon afterwards and we were checking out the local sports bar in the hotel. Can you believe that a sports bar doesn’t have the only channel we wanted. Also the only proper sport channel in Taiwan. Star sport. We moaned and tried to check all the TV’s. Even the concierge tried to help when he saw our desperation! But nothing! Great, outside the hotel we would be able to get other channels as the hotel has a limited amount. No transport but thanks for the thought! So we did the next best thing….get someone to sms us the scores while we sit on the beach, drink Heineken and watch the stars like true SA rugby supporters. Worked out extremely well. The spectators/fans, the beer no TV and a n sms every now and then. Needles to say we celebrated as if were there!! The best!!! Ended our supporters party at about 2am and went to bed at about 3. Woke up at around 9, packed our bags and had to meet everyone in the foyer at about 11:50. The girls went last minute shopping for shoes. Beautiful shoes here! We said goodbye, got on the bus and was on our merry way back to Changhua. Stopped a t the fish market again on our way back, I got some more peanut butter brittle type stuff, we watched Garfield the movie, tried to sleep and then some Chinese cartoon…Doraemon. A kind of Pokemon cat figure the kids love here! Between Spiderman and a combination of Fire Dinosaur and fire dragon Doraemon barely holds his own!! I’ll attach a picture if I can find one!

We got home at about 7:30 and found out that we will receive 2 Canadian girls in our already crowded apartment. Went to sleep as soon as we got home. Thank goodness there was no KTV on our way back. Everybody just wanted a quiet trip home….or rather the Canadians and South Africans did!

So the week began and what a hectic week it was! I was paste every night. The Canadian girls never came to stay and they left the Tuesday to find something else. Something about their agent telling them they would be earning NT$15000 more than they eventually found out they would. Not fair! We haven’t seen them since. But somebody saw them going for their medical at the hospital in Taichung. Everything went back to normal. I’ve been riding the bicycle to school these days after Gary had to go to Thailand because his Visa expired before he could get his ARC. Ryno was or rather is in the same position. He got a 30day visa and his time is closing in. The problem is a change in the system with regards to the processing of ARC’s. Where it used to be in Taichung next door they now have to mail documents to Taipei and they can’t check up either. A bit like throwing a rubber ball against a wall in a dark room and waiting for it to hit you at some point. Teri is nearly on her way home to Jo’burg for her well deserved holiday after a year and a half. So the list grows as I write…bring biltong, marmite, real cheddar cheese etc. Not too bad, prices for Pantene are cheaper here for bigger bottles and some other things are similar in price. Will check at the big Carrefour store. It’s like a Hypermarket or Makro and apparently you can get everything there, like a full loaf of bread! Will take my notebook and write down some prices.

We just went through a double typhoon warning session last week with the one Typhoon Aere being the only one really affecting us here in Central Taiwan to West Taiwan. If you get a chance and are interested have a look at the website http://www.tealit.com they have everything on teaching in Taiwan on their site as well as a map of Taiwan where you can see where Changhua and Taichung are and Kenting where we holiday’d. Also on the weather section you can see the weather for the next 7days and on the Typhoon report section all the movements of typhoons are noted, quite cool!! It is exactly like a cyclone in SA. Lots of rain and the school gets semi closed if it’s official.

Anyway, enough for now. Hope you enjoy the first edition as I need to find a way to post the pictures or send them without too much disruption to your PC!!!

Cheers for eers.

Taiwan Times Vol 1 As I promised, my diary I wrote and sent to my friends and family, before the awesomeness of FB and blogging, on my year's teaching English in Taiwan.

#Changhua #englishteacher #Exploring #sightseeing #taiwan #teaching #travel

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nathanielpoint · 7 years ago

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A Dot Filled Life. By. Nathaniel Point

"Every story in a man's life is like a dot in an impressionist painting" - Ted Mosby("How I met your Mother").

It's interesting to think our lives as insignificant dots, because dots don’t have any discerning features. Small, alone and essentially not relatable, they simply could disappear in the background of other dots. Although a dot simply could disappear, it's only a dot to something that's much grander than itself. To the universe I am a dot, but to the atom I am the universe. Neither could exist without the other. The universe would not be defined without I to fill it, and the atom would have nowhere to exist without I there to fill. Like the atom to I, and myself to the universe, each moment is like a dot. A dot full of one moment, insignificant by itself and only a dot compared to life, but still full of its own unique and amazing properties that are defined as its own whole. A whole filled to the brim with bountiful rich colors, and lined with a shining bright gold border. A border not used to accentuate the innate beauty of the "Dot", rather used as an instrument to show how dull the border is compared to the whole. Full of light and dark, this mixture of colors is best described as the night ending and the day beginning. Where the light and warmth of the sun, mix with the cold, hallow darkness of the sky. Draping itself over the mountains, but not casting into the valley. Like foreshadowing of what's to come, this mosaic of a dark somber blue, filled the upstairs suite of Ms.Frizz's home. Where a young native man, with dark brown eyes, hair to match and light mocha skin. This young man's name was Jeremy. Jeremy laid against a young lady with pale skin, blazing red hair and gorgeous hazel eyes. Although called by many names, we shall stick with one, Red. The Native clenched Red feverish body as close as he could, feeling every inch of her smooth white skin against his. As clothing gets in the way of two conjoining bodies, as does the skin get in the way of two conjoining souls. Although clothed at this time, it was nothing for this young man who wanted to feel her soul one last time. Gazing upon the tiresome clock, he began to think. "Five a.m, two hours till I have to be at home, three and a half hours before I'm on my plane, and six hours till I'm in Toronto. That gives me fifty-five minutes till I leave. My arm is constantly aching, your body is overheating mine and your frizzy red hair is constantly in my face. I don't want go". Thinking about it now, I can't believe it's been four years since I thought about leaving . Four very long years, yet so short. Many people have told me "when you're enjoying your time, it passes by too quickly. When you're not enjoying your time it passes by incredibly slow". No one ever took the time to tell me what happens when your ambivalent about the moment. When the moment in itself is the best thing you have ever had, but the ending of it makes it the most excruciating moment of your life. The knowledge of how nothing ever lasts, kills the last amazing moment. As the narrator I feel responsible enough to inform you, when you're in a situation like I was, where each moment last infinitum , and its excruciating to feel every second leave you by. Just sit back, relax and enjoy it. While every second left the "dot", the room filled with an intoxicating heat, summer air had taken its toll this season and tonight was no exception. Gasping for air, the Native started sweating in this gratuitous amount of heat. Holding onto the human heater, he clutched her tightly. No amount of anything, could make him let go, not in this moment. While clutching his love, he scanned the room. Searching for every other dot that painted the summer. One such dot came to mind and he began to ponder. "Fifty minutes till I have to leave". He began to smile his notorious grin. A grin that was only ever used when he couldn't talk about something so decadently good. So instead of talking about it, he smiled. "It was just a month ago, we had to move a couch bed from your friends place to here, because you didn't have a proper bed(not that a couch bed is a proper bed anyways). The day was hot as ever, and the couch weighed a ton. But you needed it, and you needed my help". Maybe you didn't need my specific help, but it felt good to think that you did. "We went at it, pivoting the couch through your friends obscure doors, having to move around the toddlers toys, it was a chore and a half just to get the right angle. Finally breaking through the door, the two start their journey towards the house. A quest that requires stamina and strength, which neither have. Constantly changing their stances and taking breaks, it will be a surprise to see if they get there. I know we did it". Words suddenly resonated through the native that really took him back into the moment. "shut up native, you virus" red exhaustively spoke, "I don't need your sass". Native laughingly but just as exhausted uttered, "LIES, you love it, besides you were the one to make my kind of joke". "Hence why you're a virus, you infect others into your stupid humor", Red snickered. Native retorted, " SUUUUUUUUUUUUURE BLAME the native, first you take my land, then you make me carry this HEAVY...ASSS...couch. What more do you want from me". "Well sir Jeremy, I'm pretty sure I still have your heart", Red smirked. "Oh Ms. Frizz", Native smiled. The name "Ms. Frizz" reminded the Native or "Jeremy" of the movie "Secret of Nimh". Where they spent one relaxed after noon simply watching Netflix. It reminded him of such events because the name "Ms. Frizz" and "Jeremy" refer to two of the characters in the movie. Frisbee the mouse and Jeremy the crow. Jeremy being the clumsy oaf always star struck by love, and Mrs.Frisbee being calm and astute with her situations, solemnly working out her issues. I suppose we used that as a backdrop for our friendship. For a bird and a mouse could only be friends. The two finally carved their way through "Ms. Frizz's" apartment, they got the couch into the bedroom. Panting heavily, and smiling through a hard day's work. Red had to leave for some family business. In the midst of leaving she spoke " So were going to hang tonight?". Jeremy skeptically excited about the question, answered "of course?!". Now you can ponder why "Jeremy the bird" was so skeptical and excited about the question. Maybe it was because they hung out every night, and never once did she ask for reassurance. He asked himself "Why did she need to be reassured this one night"? The answer he knew, but didn't want to accept it , till it was done. You the reader may ponder what you will, I'll say one thing "Jeremy the bird" was no longer "Jeremy the bird". So, the native smiled his delinquent grin and pondered. "The ending of that day was only amazing, because of everything that led up to it. For no event....is.....no......event.......hmmmmmm. I'll get it later" . For no event is meaningful without the context behind it. I.E the joining of two people means nothing, when there's nothing backing it up. It wasn't my first time, but it was with her. There is so many important events in one's life, and they normally start with the phrase "my first time". Red was not my first time for anything, but she might as well have been. No kiss, no moment, no anything felt as good as it did with her. It became new, it became exciting, it became the first. I understand why we wait for the one we love before we experience some things. That definition defines how I see so many things now and why I simply wait. "Forty-eight minutes, we had a great summer. I helped you get over your ex, which I'm glad I could repay that debt. We explored caves, went camping, drank(a...lot), played chess, and did so, so many things together. I had the best summer of my life with you. I remember when we first went camping, we were sooooo unprepared. We had to buy an axe cause we forgot it, then as we were unloading the car we found another axe. We had no tarp for when it rained(which it did). We couldn't start a fire because I brought damp wood(which I thought was dry), and we had to lay on the very hard ground. Not to mention, we lost your keys(which I found, thankfully) and all we did was get drunk. So overall It was amazing. *(It doesn't add to the story, but I'm smiling really hard as I write this.)* . I would define that as one of the happiest nights of my life. Not because I got to be near her, plenty of times I have been close with her. But because this was the first time I got to share an experience with her in over a year without her. I remember laying in this spot, where she had been with her previous boyfriends at the camp. Down the trail up in the woods, where we laid. Thinking I never want to be that guy she talks about poorly, how disappointed she was because of me. I wanted to be nothing but good for her. It's like how all my siblings wanted pets. My sisters got hamsters, my brother got a turtle, we had a dog. My sisters accidently killed the hamsters, my brothers turtle actually ran away, and our dog got sent to a new home. Now I won't say another stupid platitude like " we don't always get what we want". Rather, I will say this "Sometimes, when we have what we want, we don’t know how to take care of it". It’s the plain truth, and as I secretly cried while Red slept. As I have cried many times after. I would think about that line over and over again. "*silent tears*, sniffles. Forty minutes, this will be the last time I hold you, I know it. I took a year to become a better person. So I wouldn't do the same stupid mistakes as before. I am honestly trying so hard. I'm going to get jealous, lose my shit and wreck everything I know it. Why can't I be more healthy. All our fights this summer, all those times I stupidly made you feel bad. Could have been avoided... I have to try my best. I won't get it if I don't keep trying at least. I just hope I get it before it gets worse". The word important comes to mind, like how important it is to remember that previous statement. So important, I'm going to write it in big blue letters, give it extra space and highlight it. "Sometimes, when we have what we want, we don’t know how to take care of it". - Nathaniel Point Now don't forget it. Thinking back on it, I was a hot mess of a person. Probably still am, who knows.....I don’t know, although I'd say my most redeeming feature is that I don't give up. "Thirty minutes, Okay I'm better now. No more crying, I have to be strong for Red. She's going to meet someone, and be with him I know it, and I have to be happy for her. I just have to be. I'm going to be gone. She needs someone to be here for her. It makes sense. If I worry about, how much trouble I've been or could possibly be, I'm just setting myself up. I'll cross that bridge when I get to it". I should have thought "I'll burn that bridge when I get there", I was far better at ruining things then keeping them together. At least back then. (By the way mashing two idioms like that together is considered a malaphor, informally speaking. Let's try to use it more to make it more formal). "I remember when you messaged me to hang, my heart popped out of my chest. I was so freaking ecstatic, it was crazy. I had looked every day for the past year to see if you messaged me, sometimes twice. You had a few times. But there was no intention of really talking to me. But for some reason this time I knew. When I got home from Toronto, I had a gut feeling and I was excited for those few days leading up to it". The happiest moment of my life is when I saw her again, ready to talk and continue. No moment after or before would be able to top it. I remember it so vividly, we chose to meet at the Dairy Queen parking lot, in downtown wherever. She said 15 minutes, because she had to travel from a separate location. I got dressed bouncing. Now I have tons of energy normally, but never that excited, that energized in my entire life. I was literally bouncing, running to get everything on as fast as I could. I got there in five minutes(two minute walk), and I waited there for 10 minutes. Then I saw her, and I just missed her. A piece of who I was, had returned. Originally, I had planned to work on the island for my summer. I had a gut feeling about red, but I figured I shouldn't plan my summer around a gut feeling or a person. Be healthy and responsible. I was going to save up money at this really good job that my friend and his C.E.O dad got me. I needed the money for furniture and our new apartment in Toronto. It paid 16 dollars an hour, offered to pay room & board, and was going to give me a truck for the job. Then I was going to go back to school and finish my astrophysics degree. Then a week before I go, Red appears and messages me. Now I have a decision, do I talk to her or do I move on. I knew it was a mistake, not because she's a bad person. But because I wasn't healthy around her. I knew the instant that I talked to her. All my plans to disappear. They did, I stayed out on the island for a month, I just wanted to be back with Red. The school year started and I just couldn’t focus, failed and dropped out. I don't blame her at all for this. It just reflects the unhealthy type of person I was to let this happen. "She let me back..... after I screwed things up the first time, she let me back." Sometimes, we can do our best to learn from our mistake, and make the same mistake again. That is a cold hard truth of life. "After I screwed up things the first time. Just before that she told me she was falling for me and I got scared. I pushed her away. She got closer to her last boyfriend and I got jealous and let go, Cowardice. I can't let fear get to me, 12 minutes left". Fear is the absolute destructor of all relationships, it hides our deepest feelings, it twists our imaginations to do stupid things, and it manifests realities. If I have learned anything, fear will not help. The issue is, even when you realize it's just fears, it's hard to not let it decide for you. Getting caught up in a moment will not help. "10 minutes left.........I remember how this all started. I remember when I met you, I was dating my ex-girlfriend and you were dating your ex-boyfriend. We were in photography, I was sitting with Stacy and our teacher says "alright well pair up" and you got paired with us. We had to make a box that took pictures. I actually just sat there and did nothing, cause I had no idea what was going on". When Red and I met for the first time. I thought her name was slutty, therefore she was slutty. Also her voice was terribly bland. Which I thought was perfect, because I was like "Hey, I have a girlfriend, I don’t need to like her, and were probably not going to talk anyways, after this project is done we will say our goodbyes. So no worries". Then our friend Stacy didn't show up for class, and I got paired up with her again. Then we just started hanging out. Our teacher was really relaxed, so we essentially just got to do what we liked in class. We would go explore by ourselves outside, for hours taking pics. Talking, hanging out and fooling around in the friend way. Cause we had our respective others. Then we had to develop our pics together, we would go in the dark, essentially black room and we would lay there and just talk. Until someone would get mad at us for being in there too long. I fell in love with my friend. Five minutes before Native had to leave, he woke her. The dark somber blue still over casted the room. He got off the coach, red led him downstairs to put on his shoes. He put on his shoes, kissed her on her forehead and as he left. I held on to her hand as long as I could while she closed the door. Feeling every contour of her hand, for some reason I knew, a gut feeling. This would be the last time we would touch for a long time, or if ever at all. If ever never came. Not long after I screwed it up. I became the way I was worried, I would become. Fear took over, the unhealthy person I didn't want to be came alive. The person that would hurt her. Because she found someone that did know how to love her from the start. That knew how to care of what he had. I'm the unlucky fool, who grew up with a distorted view on how to love, how to take care of those that you love. Sometimes, it's not if or if not you love them. Sometimes you just don't know how. I wish I knew how, back then I wished I knew how. I did everything in my power to learn. But it wasn't enough. If I met her any later, I would have not fallen in love with her as I did. If I didn't go through life the way I did, to end up with my distorted love. Chances are I wouldn't have met her. Things lined perfectly just to have her in my life the way she was. So I can't be ungrateful, just thankful. If as the reader you feel cheated. Cheated from a true climax or anti-climax. Cheated because it somewhat abruptly ends. Where there was no resolution to the story, then you would have a better understanding to what the narrator and character did go through. Because in life, sometimes things do abruptly end. With no finish, no resolution, and no closure. Each memory becomes tainted, and you become ambivalent about every dot on your painting. Each dot becomes a shade of light and dark, and the universe becomes nothing more than a shade of grey. That's the interesting thing about depression, it doesn't have to be because you went through a terrible ordeal. Sometimes you just have to take something away. The story then isn't about the conflict or the end, it's about that one dot. The dot that changed a person from wanting life dreams, to settling for less. Make a man or woman go from a friendly, outgoing person; to a closed off hermit. It's that same dot that will pull them back, from this terrible place. Because Dots no matter how small they are, or feel; are far grander when whole. FIN

#shortstory #love

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