#like okay sure now quickly explain to me what you actually know about beardies and their behaviors NOW

[lesbiansanemi]

I hate my roommate’s cat more and more with every passing day

[multifandom-world8]

SECRET OBSESSION-CHAPTER 5

We had a few more days in London before we fly to San Diego for the comic con.

Henry texted me that he wants to take me to breakfast and that whenever I’m ready he’s waiting at the lobby.

I put on a wintry outfit since and it was a bit chilly outside and left my room.

“Good morning love” Henry smiled when he saw me “good morning” I smile and kiss his cheek.

He took me to a restaurant called

‘Victory garden cafe’, it was style like an old Greek place, vintage.

“Good morning and welcome Mr.cavill and Ms.heard follow me”

The hostess said as she gestured us to follow her causing me to frown

“I’m a regular here” Henry shrugged

and I chuckled.

After we both ordered our food we shared some experiences from past movies we filmed.

That is until my dog sitter called

“Oh I've gif to take that one in sorry” I quickly apologized to Henry Henry before I picked up

“Lea, is everything alright?” I asked her

“She has stomach aches y/n what do I do?” Lea asked me in a panicked tone

“Okay give her the special dog food and rub her belly until it passes, she’s joining me soon tell her that she’ll calm down” I instructed her “okay I’ll keep you updated on her condition” Lea said before she hung up.

“You have a dog?” Henry asked me

“Yes, a Siberian husky, her name is Isabel but I call her Izzy all the time” I smile as I show him a picture of me and her that’s also my Lock Screen.

“She’s so beautiful, almost as big as my dog” Henry chuckled

“Yeah Kal is HUGE” I chuckled too

“He’s coming to San Diego too, maybe they’ll keep each other company” henry suggested

“Sounds good but can your dog sitter handle both of them? Because I won’t have mine” I chuckled

“Yeah that’s no problem” Henry shrugged.

We both enjoyed an amazing breakfast before we went to have a little tour. Henry was here before so he took me to all of the beautiful and time-worthy places.

Back at the hotel, I thanked him for the amazing tour and we had dinner together too before going to sleep.

The next few days we spent by interviewing local news and signing autographs before we finally headed to San Diego for the comic con.

I was beyond excited to fly to San Diego, not only because it’s my first time there, but also because it’s my first comic con.

When we landed at the airport I saw Lea with Isabel, my dog,

And immediately ran to her, not caring than I just abandoned Henry with my suitcase.

“Oh I missed you so much” I hugged Isabel tight While she licked my face “did she behave?”

I asked lea

“She was amazing as usual. But she got a stomach ache again on the way here so I stopped giving her her sweets for a while” Lea said as she handed me Isabel’s bag

“Thank you so much, Lea, enjoy your vacation” I hugged her and when we broke she ran to her gate to catch her flight.

“She’s so cute” Henry said once he catches up to us

“Omg hen I’m so sorry I abandoned you with my stuff” I apologize

“It’s alright I would’ve done the same for Kal” Henry chuckled

“Well then you’d have to kiss your suitcase goodbye because not all of us have crazy muscles as you do”

Isabel licked my face again before she ran and started jumping on Henry, trying to get to his face

“Traitor” I muttered and Henry chuckled “she’s so cute” he said as let go of the suitcases and bent down to pet her.

Seeing Henry so sweet and caring with Isabel made my heart swell with happiness.

I no longer saw him as Henry that was had a dark side, but Henry the giant softy.

This time henry and I decided to share a room at the hotel with princess and Kal.

Kal was waiting for us at the lobby with Henry’s dog sitter and surprisingly, Isabel liked him immediately too.

The two just jumped around each other excitedly.

“They are so adorable!” Gal said as she joined Henry and I

“Just like their owners” Jason smirked

“Oh shush you” I blushed deeply.

Jason, gal and Henry kept talking about something while I noticed Ben glaring at me from the reception area.

“Hen I’ll be right back, keep an eye on her for me?” “Is everything okay?” He asked me “yeah yeah just need to talk to Ben for a second” I reassured him before I handed him Isabel’s leash.

“Okay, what’s with the glares? You’ve been giving me the stinky eye ever since we left London” I asked Ben

“Is everything a game to you?” He spat

“What are you talking about?” I frowned

“Did you use me to get a reaction from him? Huh? I thought you said he was mean to you and had a thing with amy” Ben growled

“Woah take a chill pill man. I was not using you, we went out for a drink, I thought it was a friendly hangout. And he wasn’t mean on purpose amy was blackmailing him” I explained even though I didn’t think I had to justify my actions to him.

“You’re lying. Amy may be crazy but she would never do such a thing” Ben scoffed

“she’s a class a psycho ben, You know what if you don’t believe me ask Henry I’m fed up with all of these accusations” I told him angrily before I stormed off back to henry.

“Hey what’s wrong?” Henry asked me once he noticed my angry expression

“I’m not in the mood to talk about it” I said as I felt tears threatening to fall.

I took my room key and went up to the room with Isabel and hugged her as I cried.

I guess I cried so hard because I didn’t hear Henry walk in until I felt Kal licking my cheek.

“Y/n please tell me what’s wrong”

Henry said as he sat next to me on the floor

“I’m so fed up with all the criticism” I sobbed

“What did Ben tell you?” Henry asked, a hit of anger in his tone

“He thought I was using him to provoke you, that I’m a liar” I whimpered.

Henry pulled me into a hug and brushed my hair with hands softly

“I’ll talk to him later, you’re amazing y/n, you saved me from Amy, I don’t know what I would do without you” he muttered and I felt myself smiling as I lean into him more.

“Thank you hen, I needed it”

“No problem love” he kissed my head.

We stayed like this a little more until it was time to get ready for an interview we had with all of the cast(except for Amy thank goodness).

I was seated between Henry and Jason, making me feel like a complete short ass next to these two giants.

“Guys welcome! So nice to see you all together. Are you feeling like a proper family?” Jamie, the interviewer asked us

“It’s like a family reunion every time you know” Ray chuckled

“So, like if you were a family, who’s got the worst habit?” Jamie asked

“I think Ezra” I said “I chew my nails a lot, and it’s apparently bad for your nails in a long term, is it really bad or is y/n just messing with me again?” Ezra asked

“I don’t think” Gal shook her head

“Jason has a habit of taking our clothes off all the time” Ben said and Jason raised his hand proudly while saying guilty making us all laugh

“Henry in this film has a habit of being dead so you’re gonna see him” ray shrugged “yeah I’m the dead uncle” “that’s right ” ray chuckled

“It’s nice to see the ghostly figure. Spotting some nice facial fluff” Jamie said, referring to Henry’s mustache

“He had it before” I said “really?”

“Yeah” Henry chuckled

“Well I wanted to talk to you about something and it’s beardy Batman” Jamie said as he looked at Ben

“Beardy Batman, yes. At the beginning of the movie you get to see bearded Batman which we haven’t done on screen before and uh I thought it was kind of cool and just so you know they added in the white streaks in the beard, those were not present before” Ben explained

“Well obviously with all of you in together you get to see your very cool costumes, was there any costume envy?” Jamie asked

“I was jealous of Gal’s costume because Unlike mine hers is not tight” I said causing her to laugh

“I could barely breath in it”

“Yeah I was kind of envious of ray because he didn’t have a costume” Ben said “I had an onesie, I was calm cool and collected. I did have a muscle suit that I wore sometimes with like the hoodie and sweatpants and I got the feel of what it's like to be them on a certain level. But I envy their costume because they actually exist you know?” Ray smiled

“What’s the costume like at the end of the day?” Jamie asked

“Sweaty” Ben and I said at the same time

“Smells like a foot” Ezra added

“Yeah even mine” ray chuckled

“Costume people on this movie earned their money” Ben said

“Re you guys ready for the world of the dc family? A few of us have done a few of these films now. They’re absolutely obsessed aren’t they?” Jamie asked

“Passionate for sure, I wouldn’t say obsessive but we all are we love our characters” I said and everyone nodded in agreement

“You’re doing these movies knowing there’s going to be expectations from the fans, they’re going to pay a lot of attention to the details and everything that comes out to the internet,even the minor nonsense turns into a big story” Ben explained

“Gal you tweeted yesterday and already have 46,000 likes “ Jamie said

“How much?” She gasped with a smile

“46,000 likes” Jamie said again

“look at her- how many likes?” I asked as I intimated Gal’s voice

Causing everyone to laugh

“I think that the fact that people care so much about these characters is pretty amazing because I think that there is this amazing device of universe that we can tell stories with and so many people are interested in hearing what we have to say. It’s an amazing thing and it’s not to be taken for granted and this is the reason why we keep on making these movies...because people care so much” Gal told Jamie

“Okay thank you guys so much for coming, it was fun” Jamie said and the interview was over.

Henry and I returned to the hotel to have dinner together before we headed to bed.

“You were quiet today during the interview” I told Henry “well most of the questions were not directed to me so but I did talk” Henry shrugged

“It was fun to be with all of the crew” I smiled

“I’m glad you had fun love, now rest up, we had a long day” Henry kissed my head before he turned off the light and we fell asleep.

A/n-I’m opening a tag list for my stories, comment if you’re interested to be in it!💕

[thelittlesttimelord]

The Littlest Timelord: The Death of the Doctor Chapter 9

TITLE: The Littlest Timelord: The Death of the Doctor Chapter 9 PAIRING: No Pairing RATING: T CHAPTER: 9/? SUMMARY: The Doctor’s death is looming on the horizon and Elise is growing every day. What the Doctor doesn’t know is that he has 200 years to teach Elise all he knows. Amy, Rory, and River let Elise in on their secret, because River knows she will keep it. What will Elise do when he’s gone?

They stepped out of the TARDIS on to what appeared to be a ship.

“Doctor, are you sure we’re in the right place?” Rory asked.

“This is where the distress signal lead.”

They found a hatch and the Doctor knocked. He pushed it open and a group of pirates stood there. “Yo ho ho!” he said, excitedly, “Or does nobody actually say that?”

The Captain and a couple of his crew members took them to the Captain’s quarters and the Doctor explained why they were there.

“We made no signal,” the Captain said.

“Our sensors picked you up. Ship in distress.”

“Sensors?”

“Yes. Okay, problem word. Seventeenth century. My ship automatically, er, noticed-ish that your ship was having some bother.”

“That big blue crate?”

Elise glared at the Captain. The TARDIS was not a crate.

Rory hit her on the shoulder and she stopped.

“That is more magic, Captain Avery. They're spirits. How else would they have found their way below decks?” his first mate asked.

“Well, er, I want to say multidimensional engineering, but since you had a problem with sensors, I won't go there. Look, I'm the Doctor. This is Amy, Rory, and Elise. We're sailors, same as you.” He stepped forward and punched Avery’s shoulder. “Ooo arrr.” When he turned around, Avery was pointing a gun at him. “Except for the gun thing. And the beardiness.”

“You're stowaways! Only explanation. Eight days, we've been stranded here, becalmed. You must have stowed away before we sailed,” Avery said.

“Now what do we do with 'em?” the first mate asked.

“Oh, I think they deserve our hospitality.”

They took them all up on deck.

The Doctor was standing on the plank as the pirates laughed.

Elise was struggling against the pirate that held her.

“I suppose that laughing like that is in the job description. Can you do the laugh? Check. Grab yourself a parrot. Welcome aboard,” the Doctor ranted.

“Stocks are low. Only one barrel of water remains. We don't need three more empty bellies to fill. Take the doxies below to the galley. Set them to work. They won't need much feeding,” Avery ordered.

“Rory? A little help?” Amy asked as she and Elise backed away from the pirate in front of them. Elise wished River had given her a blaster or something.

“Yeah. Hey, listen, right? She's not a doxy and neither is Elise,” Rory asked.

“I didn't mean just tell him off. Thanks anyway.”

The pirate shoved Elise and Amy below deck.

“Now what?” Elise whispered.

Amy looked around and found a crate full of swords. She grabbed one and handed a smaller one to Elise.

It was more of a dagger than sword.

Next, Amy grabbed a coat and a hat and they made their way back up on deck.

“I suppose the rest of them are hiding some place, and they're going to jump out and shout boo,” the Doctor said.

“Boo!” Amy yelled.

The pirates spun around.

“Throw the gun down,” she said.

Avery did and she kicked it away from him.

“The rest of you, on your knees,” she ordered. “

Amy, what are you doing?” the Doctor asked. The Doctor noticed Elise was holding a small dagger as well.

“Saving your life. Okay with that, are you?” Amy asked.

“Put down the sword. A sword could kill us all, girl,” Avery said.

“Yeah, thanks. That is actually why I'm pointing it at you.”

The pirates rushed forward, trying to knock the sword from Amy’s hands. Any time she got close to them with the sword, they backed away from her.

Amy ran up some steps and swung across on a rope. She slashed at the pirate who was holding Rory earlier.

“You have killed me,” he said.

“No way. It's just a cut. What kind of rubbish pirates are you?” Amy asked.

“One drop, that's all it takes. One drop of blood and she'll rise out of the ocean,” Avery explained.

“Come on, I barely even scratched him. What are you all in such a huff about?”

A pirate came towards Amy and she tried to swing past him, but he grabbed her. She dropped the sword.

Rory tried to grab it, but cut his hand in the process. “Ow!” A black spot appeared on his hand. “Er, Doctor, what's happening to me?” he asked.

“She can smell the blood on your skin. She's marked you for death,” Avery said.

“She?”

“A demon, out there in the ocean.”

“Okay. Groovy. So not just pirates today. We've managed to bagsy a ship where there's a demon popping in,” the Doctor said. He looked at Rory’s hand. “Very efficient. I mean, if something's going to kill you, it's nice that it drops you a note to remind you.”

Suddenly, there was singing.

“Quickly now, block out the sound,” the first mate said.

“What?” Rory asked.

“The creature. She charms all her victims with that song,” Avery explained.

“Oh, great. So put my fingers in my ears, that's your plan? Doctor, come on. Let's go. Let's get back to the…back to the…” Rory and the other pirate started giggling.

“The music. It's working on him. Look,” the first mate said.

Rory turned to Amy, swaying a bit. “You are so beautiful.”

“What?” Amy asked him.

“I love your get up. That's great. You should dress as a pirate more often. Hey, hey, cuddle me, shipmate.”

“Rory, stop.”

“Everything is totally brilliant, isn't it? Look at these brilliant pirates. Look at their brilliant beards. I'd like a beard. I'm going to grow a beard.”

“You're not.”

“The music turns them into fools,” Avery said.

Amy froze. “Oh, my God.”

They all turned to see a bright light rising up out of the water.

A woman flew out of the sea and landed on deck.

The pirate walked towards her while Amy tried to hold Rory back. When the pirate touched her, he exploded.

Elise gasped.

“I have to touch her. Let me touch her,” Rory begged.

“Sorry, but he is spoken for,” Amy told her.

The woman turned red and blasted Amy back.

Elise and the Doctor ran to her.

“Amy! Everybody into the hold. Rory! Come on!”

The Doctor grabbed Rory and pulled him down below deck.

“Hey! Wait! Get off!” Rory yelled.

They now stood in ankle deep water. Of course it was higher on Elise.

The Doctor grabbed the dagger out of Elise’s hand. “Give me that.” He chucked in across the room.

“What is that thing?” Amy asked, wrapping her arms around Rory.

“The legend. The siren. Many a merchant ship laden with treasure has fallen prey to her. She's been hunting us ever since we were becalmed, picking off the injured,” Avery explained.

“Like a shark. A shark can smell blood,” the first mate said.

“Okay. Just like a shark, in a dress. And singing. And green? A green singing shark in an evening gown,” the Doctor ranted.

“The ship is cursed!” Avery insisted.

“Yeah, right. Cursed is big with humans. It means bad things are happening but you can't be bothered to find an explanation.”

“She's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen,” Rory said.

The Doctor clapped him on the shoulder a few times.

“Actually, I think you'll find she isn't,” Amy told him.

“She is.”

“We have to leave right now.”

“That thing of yours really is a ship?” Avery asked.

“Well, it's not propelled by the wind,” the Doctor said.

Avery pulled out his gun and pointed it at the Doctor. “Show me. Weigh anchor. Make it sail.”

“And the gun's back. You're big on the gun thing, aren't you? Freud would say you're compensating. Ever met Freud? No? Comfy sofa.”

Elise patted his hand. She could go for a comfy sofa right now too.

“Leave the cursed one, Captain. The creature can have him,” one of the pirates said.

“Yes, please,” Rory agreed.

“We don't want the siren coming after us,” Avery told him.

One of the pirates started screaming and he pulled his leg out of the water.

“It's a leech!” Amy exclaimed.

“Everyone out of the water!” the Doctor yelled.

The Doctor picked Elise up and set her on top of a crate.

“It's bitten me. I'm bleeding,” the pirate said.

“She wants blood. Why does she want blood?” the Doctor asked.

“What were you saying about leaving the cursed ones behind?” Amy quipped.

“It's okay, we're safe down here. No curse is getting through three solid inches of timber.”

The Siren appeared behind the Doctor.

“Oh! Ah. Hello again,” he said.

The pirate started to go towards her, despite everyone yelling at him not to. He touched her and exploded, leaving only his hat behind.

The Doctor grabbed the hat and ushered everyone into the bunk room.

“Safe?” Amy asked.

“I have my good days and my bad days,” he told her.

“How did she get in?” Avery asked.

The Doctor soniced the pirate’s hat. “Bilge water. She's using water like a portal, a door. She can materialize through a single drop. We need to go somewhere with no water.”

“Well, thank God we're not in the middle of the ocean,” Amy snapped.

“Did you see her eyes?” Rory asked, “Like crystal pools.”

“You are in enough trouble.”

“The magazine,” Avery said.

“What?” Amy asked.

“He means the armory where the powder's stored,” the Doctor explained.

“It's dry as a bone,” Avery said.

“Good. Let's go there.”

Avery aimed his gun at the Doctor again. “I give the orders.”

“Ah. Worried because I'm wearing a hat now? Nobody touch anything sharp!”

Everyone followed the Doctor and Avery.

The first mate was looking through his keys.

“Quickly, man,” Avery told him.

“I can't find the key. Tis gone, Captain.”

“How can it have gone?”

The Doctor pushed open the door. “Someone else had the same idea.”

They went inside.

“Barricade the door. Careful of that lantern. Every barrel is full of powder,” Avery said.

“Who's been sleeping in my gun room?” the Doctor asked.

There was a coughing noise coming from a barrel.

Avery opened it and pulled out a young boy around Elise’s age. “You fool!” Avery yelled, “You fool, boy. What are you doing here?”

“Who is he?” the first mate asked.

“What, he's not one of the crew?” the Doctor asked.

“No. He's my son.” Avery put him down. “What in God's name possessed you, boy? Your mother will be searching for you.”

The boy looked away.

“When?” Avery asked.

“Last winter. Fever. She told me all about you. How you were a Captain in the Navy. An honorable man, she said. How I'd be proud to know you.” He coughed. “I've come to join your crew.”

“I don't want you here,” Avery told him.

Elise glared at Avery. How could he not want his own son with him? The Doctor put a hand on her shoulder, making circles with his thumb to calm her.

“You can't send me back. It's too late. We're a hundred miles from home,” Avery’s son said.

“It's dangerous here. There is a monster aboard. She leaves a mark on men's skin.”

“The black spot?” He showed them the palm of his hand and then coughed.

The Doctor nudged Elise. She knew what that meant. Elise walked over to him nervously playing the braids in her hair.

The adults had stepped away to talk.

“Hello,” she said.

“Hello.”

“What’s your name?”

“Toby.” He coughed again.

“I’m Elise.”

“It’s nice to meet you.” Toby coughed and started wheezing.

“Sounds like you need a drink of water,” Elise said. She pulled out her sonic screwdriver, searching for a barrel with fresh water.

They found one and Toby pulled the top off.

Elise screamed as the Siren’s hand shot out.

The Doctor grabbed the lid and forced it back down.

“The water's dangerous. That's how she gets through. One touch of her hand and you're a dead man,” Avery said.

“We're all cursed if we stay aboard,” the first mate told them.

“It's not a curse. Curse means game over. Curse means we're helpless. We are not helpless. Captain, what's our next move?” the Doctor asked.

Avery looked at the Doctor and then at his son. He pulled out a medallion attached to a string and put it around Toby’s neck. “Wait with the boy.”

“Captain, we're all in danger here,” the first mate said.

“I said wait. And barricade the door after we've gone.”

“Sure you want to go?” Amy asked the Doctor.

“We have to get Rory and Toby away. She's out there now, licking her lips, boiling a saucepan, grating cheese.”

Food sounded really good right about now.

“Okay… Well, remember, if you get an itch, don't scratch too hard.”

“We've all got to go some time. There are worse ways than having your face snogged off by a dodgy mermaid.”

The Doctor looked down at Elise. He petted her hair before leaning down to kiss her head.

Amy put a hand on her shoulder as the Doctor and Avery left.

[captainillogical]

Devil’s Ballroom ch.2

A year after the events from the earth’s final attack, Little Homeworld is finally complete, and there’s a new jazz bar where gems and humans mingle and drink. - As you’re typing back a reply, someone pulls the stool out next to you and takes a seat. You see a sliver of pink out of the corner of your eye as you try not to actually Look. Oh god. It’s her. God can’t help us now.

Spinel/Reader

collab with wife @firstofficertightpants

The place actually happened to be like, right on the edge of Little Homeworld. Outside had full glass windows, tall, that reached the ceiling. Inside the lighting was dim, and a bit smokey. You figured it looked alright enough to head in, and gave the bouncer your ID. He nodded and you walked in. It smelt of cigars, and of cinnamon, and it wasn’t entirely unpleasant. A pretty woman in a low-cut red dress was playing the piano on the stage, and it was some contemporary jazz piece. The low murmur of people talking filled the air in between the swells of music, and the place actually seemed busy with people and even gems enjoying themselves. You liked the vibe. It was.. comfortable. At ease. You looked over at the bar, rather than any of the tables, and saw a spot near the end. Perfect. Right by the bathroom. You headed over and plopped down on the stool. There were three empty at the end, so you took the one in the middle, which had the best view of the stage from back here.

While waiting for the bartender to come back down this side, you took the chance to look  at the people around you. A couple familiar faces.. small town you know? And some new ones. New gems too. You can see Mr. Fryman sitting at a table with Kofi and Nanefua, and they look like they’re playing poker. You try not to snicker since Kofi looks absolutely blasted, and Mr. Fryman is cursing up a storm because Nanefua is clearly winning. You see her wink at Mr. Fryman. You suspect a rigged game.

Your phone chimes a couple times. You pull it out of your bag, and check to see who’s bothering you. Ah. The group chat.

    Alex: ughhh you guys my gmas killing me

    Alex: no seriously mexico fucking blows rn 

    Alex: i cant step outside without feeling like my balls are melting off my body

    Alex: and my brother won’t stop listening to the book of mormon soundtrack

    Alex: im going insane

Your friends are so melodramatic. You type out a couple of replies.

    Y/N: You should be used to mexican summers by now, you go every year.

    Y/N: And for the record, your brother is valid. Book of Mormon slaps.

    Alex: what the fuck youre supposed to be on my side u ass

    Alex: i thought our special thing was wicked. OUR SPECIAL THING, Y/N

    Y/N: I’m allowed to like multiple things. Including musicals. 

    Alex: never. fuck you. also what are you even doing rn come play minecraft with me

    Y/N: Yeah as much as I’d like to, I can’t.

“Y/N! So you finally came to see what this place is all about! What can I get ya?” you hear a familiar voice ask. Turning around to face the voice, you see Bismuth wearing her usual overalls and a rather nice looking bow tie. 

“Hey Bis, how’s it going? I like what you’ve done with the place. It’s nice. And uh, I’ll just take a hard cider for now.” You smile at her and set your phone down for a minute.

“Thank you! After we finished Little Homeworld, I had to find something else to focus on in my down time.” She explains while grabbing your drink from the fridge under her side of the bar, and opens it. “So tell me,” She sits the drink in front of you and leans on the counter. “What brings you out here today?”

You take a rather long sip from your drink before meeting the large gems eyes. On the stage, a tall, beardy man replaces the woman that just finished her piece. He immediately starts this jaunty, irish tune. He’s singing loudly, and it’s not bad. A couple of people are clapping to the tune.

“I just really needed to get out.” You replied, taking another sip from your drink. “I was kinda hoping I’d meet someone new, maybe get another friend to hang out with, since my friends wanted to ditch me this summer.” As you’re saying this, more people join the clapping. It’s getting a bit rowdy. “Or maybe at least get drunk enough to forget how lonely I feel.” You add, shrugging. 

“Well, I can supply the drinks, and at least a bit of company.” Bismuth winks, and turns to the patron 6 seats up waving her over. 

You check your phone again, and there’s more from Alex. AND Harper? She must still have phone service wherever she’s at.     Alex: what are u fuckin doin that so important that u cant play minecraft with ur best friend

    Harper: yeah, Y/N. the heck. Also alex, get lost, she’s MY best friend bitch

    Alex: u had ur chances but u left us so we’re a duo now. u can go

    Harper: excuse me!? I WILL end you.

    Y/N: Oh my god, chill. I’m just out right now, so I can’t okay? 

    Y/N: And nice of you to join us, Harper.

    Harper: fuck you I miss you okay. And I miss constant wifi :(

    Alex: OUT!? What do you mean OUT. its night. u play games with ME during this time

    Alex: for real what the fuck are you doing

    Harper: yeah, you don’t go out without us. Wtf are you doing?

    Y/N: I’m at a bar!!     Alex: WHAT

    Alex: dont tell me its the one place that just opened

    Alex: Y/N do NOT betray me you TOLD ME you were gonna go with me!!

    Y/N: I was. But I was also bored and you’re both gone, soooo. 

    Alex: wow

    Alex: i cant believe youve done this to me

    Harper: hmmm. ;)

    Harper: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm ;)

    Y/N: What.

    Harper: you tryin to find girls again? 

    Harper: like that one time you went to empire city just to peruse the mall?

    Alex: LMAOOOOO

    Y/N: No.

    Alex: LMAOOOO Y/N GOOD LUCK TRYING TO FIND A GF LOLL

    Y/N: I’m not trying to find a girlfriend you fucks. Christ.

    Y/N: Also Alex, you’re one to talk. You can’t KEEP a girlfriend.

    Alex: ur just mad i have a passionate and intimate relationship w/ my hand

    Y/N: And it will probably stay that way. 

    Y/N: Besides, so far, no one cute here. So it’s a bust.

    Harper: a bust. Lmfao u just outed yourself :)

    Y/N: Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

You put your phone down before seeing whatever Alex attempts to reply back with. It sounds like the current boisterous song is coming to a close, and really, most of the people here are clapping along with this guy. It’s fun. And despite the playful ribbing from your shit-talking friends, you’re starting to have a nice time. You finish your drink, and nod over to Bismuth who catches your eye and nods back. You look over onto the stage, the man having cleared the piano, and see Lapis wiping down the piano and seat. Guess he spilled his drink while playing. Lapis, unlike Bismuth, actually dressed up a bit for the job. Her hair was pulled in a cute, small bun, and she was wearing what looks like a tailored tux with no jacket. The vest fit her quite well. She seemed.. happy. Good for her.

No one had taken up the stage again yet, but the place was still lively with chatter. You see someone out of the corner of your eye move towards the stage, but Bismuth comes over again so you tear your gaze away. 

“Another cider? Or do you want something else this time, Y/N? She asks, cleaning a glass with a rag, and moves on to the next one. 

“Ehh, yeah, give me another cider.” You say as you pull out your phone again. Bismuth sets down the drink in front of you.

    Harper: what a goddamn disaster. she got that from me i think

    Alex: no, youre both disasters separately

    Y/N: Fuck you guys. Give me a break.

You hear the piano start to play again, and someone pulling the mic forward. You look up to see pink hair.. And someone kind of familiar. She’s wearing black slacks, a white collared shirt, and suspenders. The shirt is partially open, and you see part of a pink gem showing through on her chest. It looks like she’s got mascara running down her face. 

And then.. she starts to sing. 

It’s lovely. It’s slow and a bit sad, but she seems to be enjoying herself. She’s definitely done this before. Quite a few of the people around quiet down some, so you can hear her pretty clearly. You drink some, and text your friends.

    Y/N: Guys, I lied. There’s a cute gem here who can sing.

    Alex: holy fuk

    Alex: what

    Y/N: She looks kind of familiar though? I can’t quite place it though.

    Harper: dude theres like near 100 gems now in little homeworld lol

    Harper: you’ve probs seen most in passing? :P

    Alex: are you serious Y/N? cant flirt with human women so u turn to aliens? lmfao

    Y/N: Ohhhhh my god. Die.

The gem on stage sings the chorus with gusto - man she’s really getting into this. You’re kind of taken a bit with her performance. It just pulls you. But also.. She really seems familiar now and it’s bothering you.

    Y/N: No I’m serious she seems really familiar and not in that In Passing kind of way.

    Harper: what does she look like?

    Alex: yeah a description would be nice 

    Harper: TAKE A PIC

    Alex: holy shit YES 

    Y/N: I can’t take a pic. She’s too far away, it’ll be blurry.

    Alex: literally just zoom in lord almighty

    Y/N: Okay. Hold on a sec.

You turn on your camera app, and face the stage. Looks like the gem is actually finishing up her song. Perfect, you’ll snap a pic once she stands up. She finishes, and most of the people are clapping for her. You zoom in, and it’s grainy, but decent enough to make out most of her. You snap the pic.

The flash was on.

A couple people turn to look at you, and you try turning away quickly, horrified, and see the gem looking in your direction before walking off into the crowd of people. You cannot imagine a worse scenario. 

    Y/N: FUCK FUCCCCKKKKKK.

    Y/N: (image sent)

    Y/N: I GOT YOUR FUCKING PIC BUT THE FLASH IS ON.

    Y/N: I’M PRETTY SURE SHE SAW THAT IT WAS ME THAT TOOK THE PIC.

With shaking hands, you take another sip of your drink and wait for a reply. Why is life like this.

    Harper: uh.

    Harper: ummm.

    Alex: wait

    Alex: one fucking second

    Y/N: WHY ARE NONE OF YOU CARING ABOUT MY PLIGHT. 

    Y/N: I’M TRYING NOT TO COMBUST ON THE SPOT HERE.

    Alex: shut up for one second

    Alex: harper isnt that

    Harper: uhh. yeah i think so.

    Y/N: WHAT!? WHO IS IT. WHY DOES THAT MATTER AT THIS POINT.

    Alex: lmao i cant believe i have to tell u this

    Alex: bitch do u remember that shit that happened last summer

    Alex: where half the town almost died from that gem shit

    Alex: that’s her     Alex: that’s the bitch who almost killed like, the entire planet

    Harper: you know that night your dad almost died??

As you’re typing back a reply, someone pulls the stool out next to you and takes a seat. You see a sliver of pink out of the corner of your eye as you try not to actually Look. Oh god. It’s her. God can’t help us now. 

[dirtylevi]

The Mystery Lurker: Is It Eren?

Okay, so apparently me writing an entirely too long meta about why the lurker, long haired beardy man might very well be Eren based on a metric fuckton of speculation and the fan translation won out over waiting for the official translation. I will be putting this under a Read More due to spoilers and because it’s quite long. So first and foremost, before we even get started:

DISCLAIMER: This is my personal opinion. In no way am I stating what I say here is canon or completely accurate. if you disagree with my opinion, that’s perfectly fine! Everyone has a different point of view, but if you are going to send me messages trying to argue points of view with me or send me hate messages, do me a favor and please just don’t even bother.

Please try to read this with any other method outside of the mobile app because the app will butcher this post in the worst of ways. Also, I am far too tired to edit this ridiculously long ass post so sorry for any grammer or spelling errors. Now then, I’m am still on the the fence with this, but with each passing minute I lean closer and closer to truly believing this man is Eren, and for a ton of reasons too, but since I am always a slut for some imagery, let’s start this with some panels, shall we?

I won’t lie, when I first saw speculation that this mystery man may be a Paradis spy last month when chapter 93 dropped, I brushed it off immediately. Thinking that it was too easy and just kind of cliche. Also believing that maybe the armband being worn on the wrong side was a mistake. But, then we see this same man wearing his armband on the wrong arm AGAIN this month:

I have a lot to say about these panels so allow me to delve a bit deeper here:

1:) Falco just so happens to be the soldier that helps Myster Man, when at the beginning of the chapter, this kid seen silently thinking that he desires to free all Eldian’s. Not just the one’s on the mainland, but the one’s on the island too. He is also wondering if Reiner is thinking the same and if he can trust someone who was so dedicated to Marley and the iradication of those on Paradis island:

I have a lot to say about Reiner in this chapter too, but that’s for a different post when the official translation drops. For now, let’s focus on mystery man. 

Falco has been shown to think quite differently from his counterpart, Gabi. He’s sensitive to human life, even that of enemy soldiers that he blatantly tries to save on the battlefield in the midsts of war. He doesn’t see inheriting one of the titans as an honor. He see’s it as a burden, and he obviously hasn’t been so easily brainwashed into thinking he’s superior than those who share the same curse as him solely because they walk on different soil.

If Mystery Man is indeed Eren, he just stumbled right into a potential ally. 

2:) What Flaco says to Mystery Man. “You don’t have to fight anymore.”. That is one hell of a statement to make if it is Eren because if it is actually him, I imagine his entire reasoning for being there would be to scout for a way to fight and win. Foreshadowing, anybody???

3:) Mystery Man just so happens to be with mentally injured soldiers who have no family in the city. However, he seems quite calm compared to the rest walking in the line. Seems quite convienient. 

4:) He also happens to be walking into a hospital in the very city where The Owl spoke of a Doctor ally for the walled Edlian’s. 

5:) He’s seen wearing the armband on the wrong arm in two different chapters, not once showing his full face, and NO OTHER CHARACTER IS SEEN WEARING IT LIKE THAT. This character is obviously new to wearing military uniforms from Marley. 

On top of these things, It is painfully obvious Isayama is going out of his way to hide this character’s face. I’m sorry, but I do not see why he would do that for some random character we have never seen before (such as the elusive 9th titan shifter). Isayama might as well be planting a neon sign over this guy stating that he’s someone extremely important that we already know and probably doesn’t belong in Marley considering his armband is on the wrong arm and we’ve seen him lurking covertly in Reiner’s vacinity for two chapters now.

Logically, I can only pin this man as Eren. 

The last time we saw Eren, his hair had grown out considerably, and yet no other character’s hair had changed at that point in time. We see him pointing across the ocean with his long locks and asking if killing the enemy across the water would free them. 

He stares across the sea with this question heavy question and his newly grown out hair. Again, forshadowing anyone?! Eren is also the only known character with that hair style, and the ability to regenerate his limbs. Now, I’ve seen a lot of people debate over this so allow me to add my two cents. Titan regeneration abilities can be controlled or postponed. We’ve seen it before. 

Once with Reiner after his arm is bitten at Castle Utegard:

Once with Eren after his failed titan transformation in the well:

And once again with Annie as the female titan:

So this is easily probable for Eren to do after five years of using his titan ability and learning how to control everything he can and can’t accomplish while experiementing with Hanji. Plus, an injured soldier with no family in the city doesn’t draw much attention. It’s a perfect disguise. But this leaves us with two massive, burning questions so let’s start with question one.

Why would Paradis send Eren, one of their greatest assets, to an enemy nation?

I can think of a lot of reasons for this, but two ideas stick out the most. 

INFORMATION:

Something I notice a lot of people overlooking here is the fact that Eren is a member of the Survey Corps. The Survey Corps main duty as a military force is to SURVEY. Whether that be survey new territory, enemy forces, or search for truth; all apply to this situation. Scouting is their primary objective. Especially now that all of the titans that posed a threat on Paradis have been exterminated. 

Also remember that Hanji is now their Commander. This is the same individual who stated that the best way to defeat your enemy is to study them down to the finest detail until you find a weakness you can exploit for victory. I wouldn’t be surprised whatsoever if this was entirely Hanji’s idea and being followed through on her orders. Mainly because she isn’t one to simply sit around and consistently wait for the enemy to attack over and over again, but especially after fighting off a number of enemy battleships. 

They have taken out every single one of those ships and I’m positive they would have managed to capture a few soldiers on board for questioning. An opporation like this would be nearly impossible if they hadn’t, and Hanji isn’t one to miss out on a opportunity to gain knowledge, and an upperhand. This would also explain how Eren would have gotten his hands on a Marlian uniform, knew where to find Reiner, knew to pose as an injured soldier, where to go, and so on. 

But, why send Eren for information, right? Well, if that man is Eren, I doubt very, verrryyyyyyyy highly that he is there alone. Regardless though, Eren is the only one with access to memories that paint a vivid picture of Marley. He’s also one of two people with the ability to shift into a titan. If you were going to send one out of two of your greatest weapons to an enemy nation, probably best to leave the Colossal behind to deal with any enemy ships that may pop up, and send the one with the most information already at his disposal instead, yeah? Also best to send someone who can easily disguise themselves as an injured soldier in a believeable manner without permanent damage. Especially if part of their plan was to seek out a Restorationist doctor. 

Also, for those of you wondering how he would find said allies: 

All Eldian allies wear that scar, and Eren knows this thanks to Grisha’s memories.

COVERT OPPORATION:

I’m sure that after four years of taking out battleships without any shifters present aboard them, the Survey Corps knew that the clock was ticking on their end. Eventually, Reiner, Zeke, and Pony Titan would return along with whoever ate Ymir to attack again. Plus, since they are all aware of the 13 year life limit thanks to Eren having Grisha’s memories as well, after some basic math, they most likely quickly figured out that Reiner was running out of time. 

Personally, I believe they quite possibly sent Eren to the mainland for the sake of both information, and also for a covert opporation to take the power of any titan shifter within grasp before it could be passed off. Obviously this would need to be done very delicately, but pulling an opporation like this is the best chance they would have even though it is very risky.

No one in Marley would ever expect someone from Paradis to infiltrate their land, let alone their ranks in military. As far as most of them are aware, those on Paradis are still boarded up behind walls thanks to the hoards of titans they created from other Eldians. Plus, they are known to be very behind on tech and have no clue about how to build or steer ships. No one would even expect them to be able to get there. 

They had tried to kill Reiner a number of times and failed. Levi also failed to kill Zeke. However, if they could sneak in unexpectedly and catch them off gaurd at a point of weakness they discovered thanks to going undercover; game over. Taking the titan power’s away from Marley’s control would render them as a nation completely powerless which they would know by questioning enemy soldiers captured from the ships as I stated before. Not only that, but it would also grant Eren the ability to control the Coordinate. 

Eren has Grisha’s memories and his notes. He knows his father birthed a son with royal blood that was enlisted as a Warrior, and Eren figured out in chapter 90 that in order to control the Coordinate, he needed blood of the first king. Not wanting to risk harm to Historia, he kept this a secret, but I am positive Eren figured out that Zeke is his half-brother. Especially after Zeke’s little spill of how he knew Grisha, and that he would save Eren from their father’s brainwashing. Eren even saw the resemblance as he spoke to him. 

So not only does Zeke have the power to turn people to titans, to control pure titans, and have the ability to shift into the beast titan - which makes him a severe threat - but he also has royal blood which allows him a lot of his abilities. If Levi happened to be there with Eren, he could fufill his promise and Eren could gain another titan, and the full use of the Coordinate.  

Not then. Question two:

How in the ever-loving fuck did Eren get there?

Truthfully, I have no idea, but I have a couple of guesses. 

BY AIR:

This is an extreme long shot, but not impossible. I won’t rule it out entirely solely because it isn’t all that ridiculous to consider it an option. 

BY SEA:

This is the most likely option, but I see a lot of skepticism here too, but let me explain. It is entirely possible that in four years, those on Paradis could learn how to make a functioning ship using rubble from these Destroyers. Hanji made the thunder spears in a freaking month, and it’s been shown that Eren can build large structures extremely quickly in titan form. 

Though I doubt they would sail straight to Marley on one of their own ships. Too suspicious. The more likely option would be that they redesigned a new ship using scrap from the wrecks they caused, and pinpointed a good landing spot on the coast using info gathered from captured soldiers aboard the original Destroyers. 

                                            IN CONCLUSION

In all likelihood, the long haired beardy man is indeed Eren. I cannot, for the life of me, think of any other character that he could possibly be. If it was a character we hadn’t been introduced to yet, Isayama wouldn’t be so inclided to hide their face while still making it obvious they’re important thanks to thrusting him into two chapters with his armband on the wrong side. 

If my theory is correct (which you never know!), I imagine Eren’s purpose for being in Marley would be to seek allies within Marley’s ranks, to gather information about the enemy and pinpoint a weakness to exploit, and to snatch any of the four titan powers they have in their military pocession if at all possible without discovery.

Essentially, it would be to try and shred Marley’s hold of power from the inside out. Exactly like RBA did when they infiltrated the walls. It also aids Paradis to do something like this in the midst of Marley’s combat with another nation. Infiltrating Marley in the middle of a war would make it a LOT easier to get in unnoticed. Also a strategy RBA pulled to cover as citizens in the chaos of Shiganshina falling.

The greatest weapon against an enemy is another enemy. Especially when you don’t expect your first enemy to make a move against you while using your own strategy.

[blatherkatt]

Title: The Calm Is Terrifying When The Storm Is All You Know [Homestuck]

Chapter 3: Trapped 

Summary: There were two kinds of trolls who went to Earth: rich shitheads with too much money and free time, and desperate assholes who couldn’t survive on Alternia, even with the best efforts of the young Condesce. Karkat hated the planet almost immediately, but with his home planet too dangerous for mutants, he really didn’t have any choice but to hide out on this weird little diurnal planet. At least he’d be safe. Or so he thought, right before blundering his way into an accidental friendship with the son of an anti-troll terrorist.

Rating: M

Chapter Warnings: Abuse, mentions of terrorist activities, Karkat has a panic attack but its not described in detail, blood; Illustrated

Note: Dave’s 16 in this fic; he uses a fake ID to handle any Adult Things that Bro can’t do on account of being a notorious wanted criminal, and all. That’ll be addressed directly in a later chapter, but I wanted to clarify now that there’s no underage drinking or anything going on with him, he’s pretty much just acting as the errand boy. 

FIRST | PREVIOUS | NEXT

Dave hopped out of the van, hurriedly tugging the troll after him. He’d had to stash the little dude under a tarp in the back of the van, practically had to sit on him to keep any of the other guys from getting suspicious. Ben knew Dave had fucked up, because Ben was actually driving the damn van and because Bro had told him, but Ben was pretty okay in general. The rest of the Usuals had gotten out of the van back at the abandoned music store (with Beardy complaining the whole time about almost getting his arm chainsawed off, so it sounded like the troll dude’s friend had gotten out just fine).  Now that they were in the alley behind the apartment building Dave and Bro were currently living in, though, Dave knew he probably wouldn’t be given a whole lot of time to get Karkat settled in, so they had to hurry.

Sure enough, Bro flash stepped in front of Dave before he’d gotten the troll more than three steps. Dave lightly shoved the troll behind him, just in case.

“Roof. Ten minutes,” Bro said, and vanished.  Dave heaved a sigh.

“Fuck, man, it’s gonna take me like, eight goddamn minutes just to get all the way upstairs, asshole,” he muttered. “C’mon, troll dude, we gotta hurry.” He waved at Ben as he pulled the van out of the alley, wincing a little at the sympathetic look the man tossed his way. Yeah, Dave was definitely getting his ass kicked. Dammit.

The troll complained pretty much the whole way up to the apartment, and almost slipped on the creaky-ass stairs (which were really only meant to be used by the maintenance crews, but Dave was an expert at breaking into these sorts of hallways by now) like three times, but at least the guy kept his volume lower than what Dave understood he was capable of. Seemed like he at least understood that they needed to keep this on the down-lo, especially after Dave pointed out that if they got caught, it’d be Bro they’d have to deal with, not the police, and Bro would kick both of their asses. And probably kill the troll dude, so there was also that.

Dave rushed the troll into his bedroom, kicking a puppet out of the way in passing, and quickly shoved some blankets into a pile in the corner. It’d have to do for now, his bed wasn’t big enough to share and also that would be really weird to share a bed with a stranger, and really, the troll wasn’t going to be here for long if Dave pulled this off right.

He definitely had a plan. Sort of. Half a plan. Maybe a tenth of one.

It’d work, though. He’d been in shit situations before and always worked a way out of it, he’d figure this one out. If he could just really convince Bro that he was serious about keeping the troll captive indefinitely, then when he “busted himself out,” Bro would probably be less inclined to beat the shit out of Dave. He’d still get his ass kicked, of course, but not as severely as he would if Bro suspected him of helping the troll escape, which was exactly what Dave planned on actually doing.

It’d be hard to get the troll far enough away that Bro wouldn’t be able to follow, especially since Dave had been completely cut off from internet access for the past three years and had absolutely no way to look this shit up, but he’d…he’d figure it out. It’d be fine. He’d definitely been joking when he’d said to the troll that Bro might actually kill them both. Bro’s rough, sure, but he wouldn’t kill family.

Yeah. This’d be fine. It’d work. It had to.

“Okay, so, uh,” Dave said, looking to the troll. “I’m really sorry, again, about all this bullshit, hopefully you won’t be here for too long. There’s some food and drink and some old-ass comic books in the closet, and my MP3 player’s under the pillow, so if you gotta entertain yourself those are there. If you gotta piss, like…wait til I get back, I won’t be more than a couple hours. You’re gonna wanna lock the door after I head out, maybe jam the chair underneath the handle just in case — I mean, it won’t stop Bro getting in here, but it’ll slow him down a little, at least?”

“What? You’re just dumping me here like some refuse and leaving?! What the fuck —”

“I don’t have a choice, man,” Dave said, groaning. “I can’t bring you up to the roof with me, he’ll shove you off first chance he gets. I’ll finish explaining shit when I get back, if I’m late to this fuckin’ strife he’ll fuckin’ eviscerate me and I’d like my damn organs to stay where they’re supposed to be.”

Dave didn’t wait for Karkat’s reaction, just dumped his duffel bag by the old suitcase that still had half his clothes in it, yanked out his sword, and beelined for the roof.

He got there, panting, sweat dripping down his forehead. Fuck, that one shitty granola bar he’d gotten from a mall vending machine had not been enough, he was already a little light headed. He mentally cursed Red-eyes’s feathery ass for stealing his sandwich. That little crow was an absolute bastard.

“You’re late again,” said Bro.  

Dave groaned.  

The strife ended up lasting an hour and a half, which was not too bad a length of time after that disaster of a day. If Dave hadn’t been fully aware that the strife had only ended because Dave had gotten too dizzy to flash step, he’d think Bro was starting to go easy on him.

As it was, he was dizzy, sore from a shit-ton of new bruises, and also bleeding from a pretty nasty cut on his left arm, so that probably wasn’t helping matters. He wanted to sleep for about a thousand years, but with Bro in this bad of a mood, he wasn’t prepared to risk allowing himself to pass out.  

Half stumbling to his bedroom, he knocked on the door, leaning against the wall as he spoke. “Yo, troll dude, you there? S’just me. Sorry ‘bout that horseshit, but Bro really does not tolerate me being late to a strife, like, at all.” Dave heard shuffling inside the room, and then the door swung hesitantly open.

“You look like shit,” the troll said.

“Yeah, fuck you too,” said Dave, pushing past and collapsing onto his bed. “Lock the door again and shove the chair under the handle, will ya? It won’t stop Bro if he’s pissed enough, but it’ll slow him down enough for you to, like, hide in the closet, at least. So I can stand in the way and fend him off, if it comes to that.” Had he already mentioned that the chair wouldn’t be enough? Fuck, his head was spinning. Thoughts were chasing their damn tails like it was a fuckin’ dog convention and they’d just started the…the tail chasing contest, or whatever. He was too tired to metaphor properly, fuck.

The troll gulped audibly. Through the tired haze threatening to settle over Dave’s mind, the thought drifted that it was kind of hilarious how easy to read the guy was. It was like his mood was emblazoned across his front in big, neon letters. It was kind of hilarious, actually.

“It probably won’t come to that,” Dave said, hating how his voice was slurring a little. “Just in case, though. ‘Specially cuz I can’t really move too great right now. Ugh.” He rolled himself over onto his stomach, fumbling around under his bed until he found the familiar handle of the first aid kit.

“Oh, fantastic, so I’m just trapped in a hiveblock with a maniac and my wonderful fucking savior can’t goddamn — holy shit, are you bleeding?!” the troll shouted. Dave winced.

“Dude, easy on the volume, Bro’s gonna pitch a fit,” he said, yanking up the kit and forcing himself to sit upright. Ugh, yeah, his back was gonna be killing him for days. Gonna be all kinds of hobbling around like an old man, falling over like in infomercials and shit. At this rate, he’d be shaking his cane at kids by twenty, which was wild, because he didn’t even have a fuckin’ lawn to chase them off of.

“The fuck are you talking about lawnrings for?!” the troll…shout-whispered. That was apparently as quiet as he was getting. Okay.

“Fuck, did I say that out loud?” Dave said. Man, the room should probably not be spinning like this.

“Oh my god, stop talking, cover that shit up before someone sees and fucking culls you!” Dave blinked in confusion, staring at the troll and managing to focus his vision long enough to see wide, yellow-and-burgundy eyes staring at his arm with blown-out pupils.

“Dude, it’s not that bad a cut, I’ll be fine.”

“But…it’s…it’s red, aren’t you —”

“Wait, shit, is this about the weird fuckin’ colors you trolls bleed?” The confusion that twitched across the troll’s face was all the answer Dave needed. Dave had seen far more troll blood in his life than he liked to think about, and he’d learned it came in some weird colors. But now that he thought about it (or tried desperately not to, but thought about it anyway, because his brain was an asshole), he couldn’t remember ever seeing any troll blood that was the same bright red color as humans had, so maybe there was something weird about it? Whatever. “God dammit, okay, uh. Look, I dunno why you think me bleeding red is gonna get me killed, but like. We’re not like you trolls. We all bleed the same color, and this is it. ‘Sides, we’re in my fuckin’ room, no one’s gonna see.”

“You…humans all…” The troll seemed to be having trouble processing this statement. Dave ignored him for the time being and rolled up his sleeve, wincing at the bloody mess his arm looked like. He probably would do best getting stitches for this, but that would only be happening if he sewed himself up, and he knew better than to try that while his head was spinning.

“Hey, troll dude,” Dave said. “Can you, like. Grab a water bottle out of the closet ’n toss it here? Gotta clean this shit up. Preferably before I lose any more blood.” The troll nodded mutely, his eyes still fixed hard on the smeared crimson all along Dave’s upper arm. As the troll finally pulled his eyes away and moved to do as he was asked, Dave pulled off his jacket (another one ruined. Thanks, Bro. Not like he was running low on clothes, like, always, no. Go ahead and destroy another one.) and pulled out a roll of gauze and medical tape from the first aid kit, as well as a battered washcloth he kept in it for cases like this.

He was running low on some of his medical supplies, he noted wearily. Another thing to try and remember to stock up on next chance he got. “Fuck, what all do I need?” he muttered to himself as Karkat scuttled back over. “Need more bandaids, for sure…low on gauze, too, uh…Think I’m good on AJ for now, low on chips ’n stuff, though, I think…uh…fuck me, I know I’m forgetting something, shit…”

Shrugging it off for now, he took the water bottle from the troll with a muffled “thanks” and tried to pretend he couldn’t feel those wide eyes boring into him. Geez, this guy really didn’t like the sight of blood, did he? Kinda weird for a troll, wasn’t that? Bro always talked about them like they were all perpetually thirsting to see as much blood as possible, all wanting to paint the walls with the blood of their foes and shit. Not that Dave had ever really bought any of that. None of the trolls he’d encountered had really seemed all that different from humans. Aside from being aliens, anyway. Like, they were aliens and definitely came from a completely different culture, but they were also just…people. If anything, most Earthbound trolls Dave knew of seemed like they wanted to avoid trouble.

Like the poor anxious fucker in Dave’s room. Troll guy. Nub horns. Texans fan. Fuck. Uh.

“You got a name, dude?” Dave asked, roughly cleaning his arm.

“Karkat,” he answered after a long pause.

“Cool. ‘M Dave.”

Like Karkat, here. Guy obviously wanted no part in all this trouble. Dude had seemed nervous at just the idea of his friend with the chainsaw hurting ole’ Red-eyes, even when that brainless feathery asshole had his grabby-ass claws in Dave’s fucking hands, the little shithead.

…Then again, Karkat was friends with someone who just carried a chainsaw around, so. Maybe Bro wasn’t completely wrong about trolls being bloodthirsty?

“Do you have an off switch, or does this stream of behemoth leavings that pours relentlessly from your protein chute have no end? Are we all doomed to drown in the manure that is whatever mumbled internal monologue you’re having? Because if that’s how you plan to kill me, I reiterate: I’ll take the sword, thanks,” Karkat said.

“Th’ fuck are you yelling about?”

“Either speak up enough that I can hear you,” he said, after very dramatically rolling his eyes, “or shut the fuck up.”

Oops. He really had to work on that. He’d gotten into trouble for rambling without noticing before. Shit was mad embarrassing.

“Nah,” said Dave instead.  Karkat rolled his eyes again with a dramatic noise and stalked back to his pile of blankets. Looked like he’d found some of the old comic books Dave kept stashed in his closet. They were all pretty shitty — mostly inherited from Bro, with one or two being freebies from Free Comic Book Day back during the two years when Dave had actually cared at all about comics unironically.  

(Had he told Karkat those were there? He had no idea. Didn’t matter, but it’d bug him all day, all the same. Fuckin’ obnoxious.)

Dave finished bandaging the wound and drained about half the bottle of water. He was still pretty dizzy, and all around exhausted; he put everything back in the first aid kit and shoved it back under his bed, scooted back on his bed so his head was against the wall, and relaxed as much as he dared.

“Hey, uh, Karkat,” he said.

“Oh, are you talking to me now? Are we finally acknowledging the giant, raging behemoth in the room, in all of its massive, disgusting glory? Maybe we can finally address the fact that I’m a fucking hostage here??? What happened to saving my life, Dave human? How exactly am I saved. Please, enlighten me: what’s the fucking plan here?? Are —”

“If you’re gonna throw a tantrum, that’s cool, man. I probably deserve it, s’ my fault we’re in this mess, but like. Can you maybe wait a while? I just got done getting my ass kicked, and I’d really like to rest my eyes between now and whenever Bro decides it’s time to be an asshole again, so,” Dave drawled.

“…Shit, are you okay? You were hurt, and, fuck if you’re hurt then I’m fucked —”

“No, man, it’ll be fine, you’ll be fine, I promise. I’m the one who fucked up and got seen.” He shook his head. “Fuck, I’m dizzy. Uh. Anyway, point is, I’m gonna get you outta here, okay? I said that earlier, I think, and it’s still true now, just. I need some time to rest first, a’ight?”

Karkat gave Dave a hard stare for a long moment, but nodded.

“Kay. Cool. I’m gonna, like…rest my eyes a bit. Let me know if you need to piss, the bathroom’s booby trapped sometimes. I can like…clear that shit out for ya.”

“Uh. Okay??”

“Sorry again about all this. I’ll…fix it somehow,” Dave muttered. Sheesh, he was like a broken record. That’s how he knew he was tired, his own internal monologue was skipping and repeating like an amateur beat played on the shittiest fuckin’ equipment, no one’s gonna be dancing to this shit, way too goddamn easy —

“Close your fucking eyes already, Dave, holy shit.”

This was a tricky case that Partner-Hatchling-Friend-Terezi had sent Pyralspite on, but Pyralspite expected nothing less. Partner-Terezi knew better than to ask Pyralspite to take on anything less than a challenge; it’d be insulting to just give her some job that a dog could do.

She had a Mission. Follow the scent of Shout-Friend-Karkat. (Hadn’t scented him in years, not since he was a tiny Hatchling following Child-Terezi around back in the Other Place. He’d been loud, but kind to lusii, and Pyralspite had always liked him.) Find Shout-Friend-Karkat and signal Terezi.

Partner-Terezi had warned that this mission would be dangerous, with many an enemy lurking, and oh, Pyralspite could already tell that was correct, even in the mall.  She’d traced the scent trail into a narrow passage, and picked up a scent she’d been asked to scent many times before, a scent of a Bad Man; if he’d been here, too, then Shout-Friend-Karkat was indeed in grave danger.

Shout-Friend-Karkat’s scent was sour with fear, as was…another scent, one she almost recognized but not quite. She tried to place it, but couldn’t; frustrating. She would identify it later, perhaps. She could tell it was also a human scent, an adolescent male, just a bit younger than Shout-Friend-Karkat and probably not very healthy.  A Friend or Foe, Pyralspite wondered.  To be discovered later, perhaps.

She tracked the mingling scents out of the bigger building and into an outdoor passage. Her snout wrinkled in disdain at the powerful, acrid scent of one of the humans’ big smoke-belching machines. That would make things difficult, those scents tended to overpower other smells.

To a dog, anyway. Pyralspite was good. Pyralspite was patient.

It took a lot of concentration, but she managed to pick out Shout-Friend-Karkat’s scent, mingled with and layered amongst the smells of many other humans, mostly adults, as well as the adolescent. From the way the scent trails all abruptly stopped, they’d all gotten into the smoke-belcher.  Another conundrum, that. A smoke-belcher on its own was easy to track, but they were so rarely alone. A great deal of practice had taught Pyralspite that each smoke-belcher had its own slightly unique scent, if she concentrated very hard indeed, each mingled with the scents of its most frequent user, but even with that, she could not track them over the crowded paths they traveled on. Too many smoke belchers, layers upon layers of scents and scents and scents all crowding into her nose and screaming in explosions of colors and tastes.

No, she couldn’t track it perfectly.

But she could follow each branch. There was only one main screaming-path near here, after all; the branches were all quieter, and the scents were still fresh. If she checked every pathway, sooner or later, she would find which one her quarry had been taken down.

Pyralspite was good.

Pyralspite was patient.  

‘Bored’ and ‘terrified’ were two emotions Karkat had always thought to be fairly mutually exclusive, but that first sleepless night spent in the Strider hiveblock proved him thoroughly wrong. This place was nerve wracking beyond belief, and yet the most stressful part of all was the sheer lack of anything to do.  

It was hard to believe someone actually lived in Dave’s little block. It was very sparsely furnished - a human sleeping platform supported by four heavy concrete blocks, a thin piece of plywood held up higher by eight of the same blocks that looked to be some sort of desk, a single chair, and a rather small portable wheeled wardrobe device with its flap open and clothes strewn out of it seemed all that Dave had. There was the heavy bag he’d brought to the shopping center, too, which he’d dumped next to the portable wardrobe, and Karkat could make out a few small boxes underneath the sleeping platform. He opted not to touch those — who knew what was in them.  

On top of that, Dave apparently wasn’t given a whole lot of freedom - the only technology his ‘Bro’ let him have was ancient and couldn’t be used to communicate with anyone, and he was only allowed outside the hiveblock under Bro’s explicit instructions.  He spent most of his time in his own block, quietly listening to music on his bed and scribbling some attrocious looking artwork in a very beat up, crowded sketchbook. Karkat did his best to entertain himself with the weird human comic books (which were neither blatant propaganda like Alternian comics tended to be, nor were they nearly long enough to keep Karkat busy for long) but very quickly ran out of them.

Which left him trapped in a house with an atmosphere of constant dread, and with absolutely nothing to do.

He was breaking out of this hiveblock as soon as he had a chance.

When Dave returned from his ‘strife’, he had initially rested for about half an hour (the whole time propped up against the wall, sword clutched tightly in one hand; there was no way he was actually sleeping like that, not with how light his breathing was, but he’d been in exactly the same position when night fell, all night long). He’d ‘woken up’ after a time, and explained things to Karkat in a bit more detail (albeit with several rambling tangents).

As Karkat understood it, Dave didn’t really agree morally with Strider’s actions at all (“Why the fuck do you help him on missions, then?! You’re literally helping him kill us!”) but was essentially forced to participate under threat of violence (“Look, dude, if you think going out there and giving him a fuckin’ ultimatum on morality is gonna fix anything, be my guest. I’m not particularly interested in getting my ass kicked any more than I already do.”).

(Karkat had then asked why Dave didn’t just leave, and Dave’s answer was to mumble that he was “all Bro has.” Something about the way he said it, like it was supposed to mean anything of value, pissed Karkat off in a way that he couldn’t find words for.)

A chance at escaping this stress-incarnate excuse for a hiveblock came the next day in the form of Dave being sent out on some errand at Strider’s behest. Dave gave Karkat the same instructions he had previously — lock the door, jam the chair under the handle, hide in the closet if you need to, et cetera.  Karkat followed the instructions at first, but after ten minutes had passed, he moved the chair and cautiously peered out of Dave’s block.

He couldn’t see any sign of Strider. The hiveblock was dead silent. Maybe Strider had gone out, too?

Pump biscuit in his throat and breath trapped firmly in his respiratory sacks, Karkat crept as quietly as he could out of Dave’s block. The front door was so near, if he could just get out into the hivestem hall, he could dash for the elevation device and get free —

A floorboard creaked underfoot and he froze. He thought, for a moment, that he saw a flash of movement out of the corner of his eye, but it turned out to be nothing.  Just some…exceptionally creepy looking puppet with wide, staring eyes, sitting on the back of the unfolding relaxation platform.

Okay, that was weird as fuck, but it looked like Karkat was still in the clear.

He crept toward the front door again, closer, closer —

“Going somewhere?”

The cold voice spoke out just as Karkat was reaching for the doorknob. Strider flickered into existence right in front of Karkat. He didn’t wait around to hear whatever Strider had to say, just barked out a yelp and scrambled back toward Dave’s block. Somehow, he got inside, unsure if Strider had pursued him or not, and slammed the door closed, clicking the lock and jamming the chair fiercely into place.

Right! Time to go check out that closet. Indefinitely. Forever, probably. New home: tiny-ass closet. Hive sweet hive, this closet.  

One panic attack (and probably an additional ten minutes) later, Karkat, still curled in a ball in the back of Dave’s closet, heard the front door open and made out muffled conversation. Dave was back, then.

The walls of the apartment were thin enough that if Karkat pressed his ear to the wall of the closet, he could make out the conversation pretty clearly, actually.

“Your goddamn pet decided to take a little walk,” Strider said.

“My…Oh, shit, uh.”

“I’m not your goddamned warden. Keep it under control.”

“Shit, man, he’s still new to the apartment, guy probably was just lookin’ for the bathroom — alright, sorry, chill, it was a joke, I’ll go…deal with him.”

Silence, some shuffling. Karkat crept out of the closet and, after a moment’s hesitation (and a desperate effort to stifle another panic attack), he unlocked Dave’s door.

Just as he did, he heard Strider’s voice again, words indistinct but clearly angry.

“I’m sorry, Bro, they were out, the guy said this stuff was pretty good, too —”

A loud crash of shattering glass, and the sound of scrambling feet. The door swung open with a loud thump and Dave practically fell inside, pulling the door shut after him and quickly securing it.

“Jesus,” he panted. “Get the guy the wrong fuckin’ brand of booze and he flips out.”

“Are you okay?!” Karkat yelped.

“Yeah, just a little damp. Got plenty of practice dodging shit he’s thrown at me, don’t worry,” Dave said with a shrug. “Hey, uh, what’s up with you, uh —”

“You’re literally holding me hostage. What, did you honestly expect me not to try and escape?” Karkat spat, bristling. “I don’t know what the fuck you think you’re doing, but I’m not going to just quietly be your perfect prisoner, not after I was dragged here against my will under threat of violence. I thought the hiveblock was empty, so I tried to leave. Because you are holding me here against my will.”

Dave shifted his weight and ran a hand through his hair. “I mean, yeah, that makes sense,” he said. Karkat blinked. “I probably, uh. Shoulda warned you not to leave the room unless I’ve made sure Bro isn’t here. My bad.”

“You’re…not even mad?”

“Why would I be?” he mumbled. “’S my fault we’re in this mess. I’m the idiot who decided to break into the maintenance hall from inside ‘steada outside like I was s’posed to. But, I mean, I was fuckin’ hungry cuz I didn’t eat at all the whole day before, and fuckin’ Red-eyes had to steal my fuckin’ sandwich, because he’s a bastard, and I —”

“Who the fuck is ‘Red-Eyes?’” Karkat interrupted.

“You saw him, man. The crow. Little ‘un, got scars on his chest like he got in a fight with a cat or somethin’, the one that was leadin’ the fuckers who were goin’ after me that your friend chased off with the chainsaw.”

“Oh.” Karkat paused. “He has a name?”

“Iunno. It might not even be a dude crow. Red-eyes ’s just what I call ‘im, cuz he’s got red eyes. Bastard’s always the ringleader, though. He’s been after me for years. Maybe I insulted him in a past life or something? Crows are always connected with dead shit, maybe he knows who I was in a past life and really hated that guy or something. Betcha I stole his crow girl, ’n now he’s just dedicated to completely ruining my life.”

“I really shouldn’t have asked,” Karkat groaned. “You would think I’d have figured out by now that any question or request for clarification directed at you will always be taken as a fucking engraved invitation to bury me under an avalanche of completely meaningless words, but here I am, masochistically waiting for the next deluge with the same naive, idiotic grimace of one who’s never had to struggle under the weight of your endless streams of hoofbeastshit.”

“Okay, if you’re gonna fuckin’ accuse me of talkin’ too much, the least you can do is not be a damn hypocrite about it.” Dave moved a bit suddenly, making Karkat jump, but all Dave did was walk over to his sleeping platform and collapse bonelessly on top of it. “Look,” he said, “what I was getting at is, like. This shit’s my fault, and none of this is fair to you at all. I’m not gonna let Bro hurt you, and I’m gonna get you outta here. I know I’m askin’ a lot here, and I’m not, like…asking you to trust me completely, here. Just trust me when I say I’m gonna find a way out of this, okay?”

Karkat glared for a long moment. He quickly found he couldn’t hold on to the anger, though, not when Dave was pretty blatantly having a pretty shit time of things, too. They were both trapped here, he realized.

“Okay,” Karkat sighed.

“Cool.  Oh, shit, before I forget,” Dave sat up abruptly and shoved one hand under his zipped-up jacket.  “Got you a magazine. I, uh, know it’s not much, but I mean, I know it’s boring as shit up here, and it’s somethin’ to read, right?”

“…Right,” said Karkat.

Helplessness was setting in, an all over weariness he just didn’t want to fight right now.

But at the very least, Dave seemed sincere about wanting to help. That’d have to be enough for now.

(God, he was so very, very dead.)

[apartmentdiet]

7 helpful posts from /r/personalfinance

One of my favorite things to read is /r/personalfinance.

Here are seven of my favorite posts from the sub — and what YOU can learn from them.

7 valuable Reddit personal finance posts

1. “Paying rent isn’t throwing away money.”

If I ever go bald, know it’s because I tore my hair out every time I heard people say this.

From the /r/personalfinance thread:

While it is true that when you buy a home a portion of your monthly mortgage payment will be going to principal, and therefore you are paying yourself in some ways, however, the cost of home ownership is significant. Some of the lesser known costs include the lack of flexibility, stress, the risk of home price declines, home maintenance, real estate taxes, and HOA fees.

These are also known as phantom costs — the expenses you don’t normally consider when you buy a house.

OP also offers a great mental reframing of rent, saying, “As human beings, there are several things we need to survive, including food and shelter. Paying money for rent is no more a ‘waste’ of money than paying for food is.”

For more, be sure to check out my article on real estate investing myths and my post on how to buy a house.

2. “Your parents took decades to furnish their house.”

It’s easy to look at someone successful and compare yourselves to them. You start feeling like you aren’t doing enough to reach your own goals and might try to rush things to achieve their level of success.

In reality, the most successful people devoted a lot of time and energy into getting to where they are — and you should do the same.

That’s what’s at the heart of this thread about the importance of patience when it comes to your goals:

If you’re just starting out, remember that it took your parents decades to collect all the furniture, decorations, appliances, etc you are used to having around. It’s easy to forget this because you started remembering things a long while after they started out together, so it feels like that’s how a house should always be.

It’s impossible for most people starting out to get to that level of settled in without burying themselves in debt. So relax, take your time, and embrace the emptiness! You’ll enjoy the house much more if you’re not worried about how to pay for everything all the time.

So whether you’re saving for your wedding or trying to get out of debt, know that these things take time and that’s okay. Once you stop worrying about trying to accomplish your goals quickly, you can focus your mental energy on the things you can control to accomplish your goals.

3. “I found out a coworker with the same job is making twice as much as me.”

A fascinating story about a research assistant who finds out she’s being paid MUCH less than a coworker who joined six months after she got the job.

When she raised the issue to management, her boss tried pulling some corporate trickery that’s common with bad companies:

One week later she called me into her office. She absolutely berated me for thinking I could move into the coordinator position for which I was already doing the work, and complained about my work performance. Last month I had an evaluation, and received very high praise for my performance, and there has not ever been complaints about my performance in the past. All in all, I assume she was making excuses not to increase my pay.

Eventually, she was able to find a job at another place that offered her more than she was currently earning — which led to a bidding war between her old boss and her new employer (aka the best position you could possibly be in as a job seeker).

A few lessons for job seekers from this post:

Negotiate mercilessly. OP could have just shrugged her shoulders and kept quiet when she found out she could be earning more — BUT she didn’t. She addressed the issue and now has two different companies vying for her work. That’s why it’s always in your best interest to negotiate your salary even if you think you’re earning enough.

Adopt an abundance mindset. It’s easy to take any job offer that comes your way — especially when money’s tight. OP had two job offers and knew that if one didn’t work out, the other would be there for her. This is also known as an abundance mentality, and it can be a powerful mental shift for the way you approach finances.

Know your worth. The first step to any salary negotiation is knowing how much you’re worth. While websites like Glassdoor or PayScale can help you get a good sense of this, talking to people in your field about their earnings can give you a sense of what you should be making (like OP did). So don’t be afraid to ask. Top Performers do all they can to know what they’re worth.

Be sure to check out my article on how to negotiate your salary and the Briefcase Technique for more.

4. What to do when a loved one dies.

When tragedy strikes, you find yourself asking questions you’ve never even considered before. This /r/personalfinance thread tries to answer one of those questions: How do I handle my finances when someone I love dies?

While the post deals with money accounts and estate issues beautifully, it also goes into the more lesser known parts of dealing with death, like where to get an urn:

The funeral home won’t tell you this, but you don’t have to buy things like urns and whatnot from them. I chose to, because the prospect of receiving a plastic baggie with my husband’s ashes that I would have to deal with was horrifying. A friend bought an urn for his father’s ashes on Amazon. There are options that are cheaper than the funeral home, but I chose to pay the obscene markup so that I wouldn’t have to deal with the logistics.

Overall, it’s a great read for anyone — even if you haven’t suffered any personal tragedies. It’s an excellent perspective on life, death, and where our finances fit in between it all.

5. “We decided not to buy a bearded dragon.”

For some, a Rich Life means a new car, ordering appetizers at restaurants, or paying off their debt. For others, it’s a desert lizard chilling out in a reptile aquarium in their living room.

Or at least that’s what one Reddit user thought when he got ready to buy a bearded dragon for his son’s birthday. When he ran the numbers though, he realized that the investment he’d be making into the pet would be much more than he bargained for.

[We] learned it needs expensive UV bulbs that last about 6 months and are about $40 each. Also the electricity cost the run this heat 24 hours can be a drain on the electric bill.

Also the beardie needs to go to the vet every 6 months for a checkup. And finally, food. They have a very diverse diet and can eat up to $15 per week in foods. So I did a total cost analysis for a beardie that lives 12 years and it turned out to be a whopping $10,000.

This is a great example of figuring out what fits into your Rich Life. I’m a big believer in spending on the things you truly love and ignoring the rest. So if you believe that a bearded dragon will help you live your Rich Life, by all means buy that lizard!

However, if you find that the benefits of caring for a reptile native to sweltering deserts for a decade aren’t worth the money and energy, don’t worry about it. Your Rich Life is what YOU make of it.

Also LOL at this robotically cold statement from a commenter: “It’s about ROI on the pet. Dogs are more fulfilling companions than a lizard. At least that’s the case with OP.”

6. What to do when you lose everything in a fire.

Sometimes we do all we can to prevent disaster — but it ends up happening anyway. Case in point: Losing everything you own in a fire like this OP.

One former insurance worker offered their incredibly insightful advice on how the insurance company is going to approach the situation and what OP should do to get the most out of his claims.

The biggest takeaway: Use the truth to your advantage. The commenter then used an example of how one guy used his situation to net him a five-figure insurance claim.

I remember one specific customer … he had some old, piece of shit projector (from mid-late 90s) that could stream an equally piece of shit consumer camcorder. Worth like $5 at a scrap yard. It had some oddball fucking resolution it could record at, though — and the guy strongly insisted that we replace with “Like Kind and Quality” (trigger words). Ended up being a $65k replacement, because the only camera on the market happened to be a high-end professional video camera (as in, for shooting actual movies). $65-goddam-thousand-dollars because he knew that loophole, and researched his shit.

This goes to illustrate a big point when it comes to anything insurance related: Do your research. Once you know the rules of the game you’re playing (whether it be taxes, insurance, or salary negotiations), the better positioned you are to win.

7. Explain it like I’m 18/22/30/40.

These threads are the perfect place to start if you’re completely new to the world of personal finance (aside from IWT of course).  

These guides break down important themes for your personal finance journey at different stages of your life. They are:

ELI18. For when you’re out of the house for the first time and wouldn’t recognize a 401k if it walked up to you and slapped the fidget spinner out of your hand. Great advice on topics like opening bank accounts, applying for a credit card, and even finding a roommate.

ELI22. So you’ve graduated college and are out in the “real world.” Scary right? This post makes it a little less scary by providing a solid introduction to taxes, contributing to retirement, and paying off your student loans.

ELI30. When you’re 30, a whole new crop of financial questions start coming up. How do I handle money when I get married? How do I buy a house? I have a dog … that’s like taking care of a baby right? This comprehensive post helps answer a few of those questions.

ELI40. The name of the game at 40 and beyond is retirement — rather, it’s making sure your investments are best positioned for when you retire. This post is a great primer on planning for the future and beyond.

Why I LOVE /r/PersonalFinance

You probably wouldn’t say anything if a friend or coworker tells you about a money decision you don’t agree with (racking up credit card debt, buying a house with little income, etc.). But if you saw the same issues on Reddit personal finance, you’d let the world know exactly how you feel about their issues and what you’d do instead.

It’s this level of honesty that helps us see how people really use money — and how to use it yourself.

Whether you’re in your forties planning out your retirement or you’re still in high school trying to figure out what to do with your paycheck, I’m glad you’re here.

I want to give you something that can help you take your personal finances to the next level:

The Ultimate Guide to Personal Finance

In it, you’ll learn how to:

Master your 401k: Take advantage of free money offered to you by your company … and get rich while doing it.

Manage Roth IRAs: Start saving for retirement in a worthwhile long-term investment account.

Spend the money you have — guilt-free: By leveraging the systems in this book, you’ll learn exactly how you’ll be able to save money to spend without the guilt.

Enter your info below and get on your way to living a Rich Life today.

7 helpful posts from /r/personalfinance is a post from: I Will Teach You To Be Rich.