#like oh the boys getting more overt references to being a couple???

[joheunsaram]

To Make A Power Couple - 06 (knj)

Chapter 6: Garlic Pasta and I Miss You-s

THIS IS A REPOST SINCE I LOST ACCESS TO MY OLD ACCOUNT. PLEASE FOLLOW THIS BLOG FOR UPDATES ON THIS SERIES.

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Summary- Namjoon visits his parents and Yoongi and Y/N bond over their past.

word count- 4.5k

pairing- idol!namjoon x ceo!reader

rating- R

genre- series, fluff, angst, action, slightly smutty, strangers2lovers

warnings- drinking, talk of mental health and panic attacks, violence, blood, stalker

a.n- sorry for this chapter being late! i had major burn out this last few weeks but I finally got it out. Tell me what you think!

taglist - @beach-bitch-bitch-beach, @sscheherazadee, @rjsmochii , @jinjccns​ , @joyful-jimin @sideblogger @agustdpeach @diamonddia-mond

—

“I hate you Kim Namjoon! Get out!”

Namjoon looks at you with an amused smile as he drops his bags at the door of your bedroom. You’re sitting in your bed, your comforter fully around you, even on top of your head, as you loudly blow your nose, some show blaring on the television. Even though he feels bad about passing on his cold to you, he can’t help but find your red nose and whining adorable. The past few months since Namjoon returned from tour had been few of the best you’d had in Korea. Although you both still had remarkably busy schedules, you had found a routine of spending time together at least once a week, usually ending your Saturdays together to spend as much of the Sunday together as possible. It didn’t matter how you spent your time, whether it was spent going out on dates or sitting silently reading or cuddling, all that mattered was that you were together.

“Aw baby, I’m sorry!” He sat on the edge of the bed, wrapping his arms around your burittoed body. He kissed all over your face obnoxiously, much to your chagrin as you groaned and tried to get him off you, worried to get your snot on him. “Okay. Tell you what. I’ll cancel going to my parents and stay here to take care of you!” He punctuated that with another kiss on your lips. Hey, he’d already suffered through this cold, might as well take advantage of being able to be near you now.

“No! Shut up! You’re not cancelling.” Since things were slower at work, the company had decided to give Namjoon and the boys the week off. He had spent the first day with you, going to the most recent Ji Hye Yeom exhibit yesterday, and was going to go visit his family for the next four days. When Namjoon told you he was planning to spend the majority of his vacation with his parents, he was bracing himself for a negative reaction, a learned response from his previous relationship. His ex would always hate that he would visit his family for extended periods when he got time off and wouldn’t prioritize his relationship with her. He was surprised and relieved to hear you not only excited that he was visiting family but encouraging him to spend more time, upping his initial ask of two days to four. He liked that you always encouraged him to call his mom when he was on tour, as did his mom, so much so that she had started to say ‘my beautiful daughter’ whenever she referred to you in front of him.

Namjoon stood up as he watched you rant about the importance of visiting family, one arm out from your duvet heaven as you waved it about to emphasize your points. He almost giggled at how endearing you looked sniffling through your tirade, hair a mess and voice a little hoarse. Taking off his jeans to get comfortable, he chuckled at your wide eyes and dramatic gasp.

“No! We’re not having sex right now you maniac!” You whine as you lie down with the covers over your head. Namjoon gets into bed, pulling the comforter from over you to sneak inside, his arms snaking around your grumbling form to pull him to his chest. Although you complained, you snuggled into him, feeling the safe comfort that only Namjoon provided you.

“I just wanna nap with you before I leave.” He kissed the top of your head as he tangled your legs with his. You poked your head up from where it was hiding in his chest to look up at his smiling face as he cupped your cheek to place a chaste kiss on your lips. Caressing the skin once he leans away, he looks at you adoringly.  “Sorry for getting you sick, baby.”

———————————-

“Your boyfriend is a tyrant. Please never get sick again.” Yoongi took off his beanie and mask and shook his head to fluff his hair as you went through your phone to finish placing the order for takeout. After talking to Namjoon about how you had spent all of yesterday recovering, and even facetiming to ensure him that you were fit enough to be working again, he still didn’t believe you, forcing the only member of his band that was in Seoul during his vacation to make sure you were truly alright. You would be annoyed if your heart didn’t skip a beat at his overt concern. You were glad to spend time with Yoongi - he was pretty similar to you and you both had been slacking on hanging out lately. A few months ago you had decided to host a whiskey exchange where you would share bottles of your favourite liquor together, only for it to fall apart after two hangouts due to your busy schedules and Yoongi’s new relationship. It was nice to be in his company again, his mellow energy a great contrast to your usually loud friends.

“What did he say?” You question, laughing. Yoongi had called Namjoon many funny nicknames before but hearing him call him a tyrant made you laugh, picturing your boyfriend getting stern and demanding someone pay you a visit.

“You wanna see?” Yoongi chuckled as he pulled his phone out, navigating to the group chat and handing it to you. You couldn’t help but smile as you read Namjoon pleading to the group to check in on you, asking if anyone was around. Yoongi said he was around but refused only to relent once the other boys pressured him and Namjoon pulled in a favour Yoongi owed him from 2015.

“Ooof. Honestly, it’s not that bad. Good to know Jungkook would literally kill for me though, and that you hate to hang out with me.” You threw an ice cube at him from where you were putting them in your glasses.

“He wouldn’t. He’s just a suck up.” He dodged your attack, sticking his tongue out in triumph. “And you know I had to make Namjoon suffer a bit.”

Rolling your eyes at him as he smirked, you watched him pull out his bottle from his backpack. Your Craigellachie 16 no match for his Glenfiddich 30, you chastised him for buying such an expensive bottle for just the exchange. However, you were not going to say no to a glass of that and the two of you sat in a comfortable silence as you enjoyed your drinks. You were the first to break the silence.

“How’s your bae?”

“Oh haven’t you heard? Bae is no more! Broke my heart and left me to suffer.” Yoongi scowled as he dramatically grabbed his chest, before downing his drink. If you didn’t know any better you would’ve thought he was joking but his usual deadpan was missing.

“Shit… I’m sorry Yoongs.” You looked at him softly, making him scoff.

“It’s fine. Going to get a sick album out of this.” Yoongi waved you off, as he reached in his backpack again to bring out three bottles of soju. “Let’s get drunk!”

“That’s… one way of looking at things. You want to talk about it?” You knew he didn’t want to talk about it, it was probably still fresh and you didn’t want to impose but you wanted to give him the opportunity to share if he wanted to.

“Nah it’s fine. It was the usual anyways. ‘You’re always busy.’ ‘Why won’t you share your feelings with me?’ ‘Do you love me more or your career?’ I say good riddance.” He scoffed once again as he poured himself some more whiskey, sipping it blissfully.

“Well good to know you’re not hiding your pain.” You narrowed your eyes at him, but decided to get drunk with him anyways, taking up his offer to refill your glass. You had an extremely light day at work tomorrow with it being Friday and all, plus you knew that once Yoongi got drunk he would tell you how he was feeling. He was a very talkative drunk.

“Oh you know it. I’m nothing if not in touch with my feelings!”

Soon you and Yoongi were wasted, sitting on opposite ends of your couch as the television played the ‘important videos’ playlist on Youtube, laughing maniacally at each random short video that popped up. The food you had ordered was sitting on the coffee table, half eaten and getting cold. Having not heard Yoongi’s giggle in a while you looked away from the screen to see him staring into space, a slight frown on his lips.

“Dude. You good?” You poked him with your foot to break him out of his thoughts.

“Yeah. Sorry just realized I’m single again. Fuck.” He looked at you with wide eyes, as if he had just had an epiphany. You frowned at him, sad that he was feeling this way. In the past six months, you had come to learn that although Yoongi often talked about how much he loved being alone, in reality he put a lot of pressure on himself to find someone to be with.

“You know you’re worth more than a relationship, right?” You placed your hand on his, smiling reassuringly.

“Don’t go all Dr. Phil on me. I’m not that sad. It was like two months but it felt nice to call someone mine, you know?” He rolled his eyes at your concern, but held your hand tighter as he finished his sentence, averting his gaze with a melancholic look. He looked at you again sighing. “How did you get over your last breakup?”

“Um… not healthily. I almost sold my company.”

And so for the next hour, you told Yoongi of how messed up your previous relationship had made you. You don’t think you had talked about it in depth about your breakup with Beomseok for years now, but somehow drunk off extremely expensive whiskey and extremely cheap soju it felt natural to share the details about your most toxic relationship with Yoongi. Beomseok and you met when you were initially still in Canada, visiting Seoul in hopes of expanding. You were busy and he tried to help you as you adjusted to a new country, but as your relationship grew so did his tendency to ensure you relied on him. As hard as it was to admit to Yoongi, Beomseok had made you dependent on him, so much so that when he left you after two years of you accommodating him, you broke down. You started having terrible anxiety, using alcohol and cigarettes to take the edge off. Panic attacks became the norm so much so that you had contemplated leaving your position. You couldn’t see your friends, worked from home, and just buried yourself away. It took half a year of self destructive behaviour and for you to wake up in a bed with someone you didn’t remember to knock some sense into you and get yourself into therapy. Yoongi then talked about his own relationship issues, the two of you bonding over your struggles with mental health and shitty coping mechanisms. It was weird to think that Yoongi hadn’t been one of your close friends before this night.

It was around two in the morning by the time Yoongi left and you felt the emotions of the night catch up to you. You hadn’t thought about Beomseok in years, and thinking about him made you feel extremely sad for past you. You didn’t deserve how he treated you and you wished you could go back in time and shake some sense into yourself, and save the heartbreak. Lying in bed, drunk and emotional, you mourned for your old self and her faith in the world. However, looking at your phone you saw the photo of you and Namjoon - him standing behind you with his arm on your shoulder as he pretends to take a bite off your cheek as you grimace - and you were reminded that you were in a much better place now with a much better man. To say you looked forward to Namjoon returning tomorrow would be an understatement.

———————————-

Namjoon: I’m back!!! Namjoon: I miss you!!! Namjoon: Come over!!! Namjoon: I’m cooking for you!!! Y/N: Um… should I call poison control now or later? Namjoon: I’m back after almost a week and this is the welcome I get? Y/N: Babeeeee you know I love you! Namjoon: Prove it. Eat the pasta I’m making Y/N: Did anyone at least help you cook it? Namjoon: IT’S GOING TO BE GOOD. COME OVER. Y/N: Ok ok. No need to yell… Namjoon: Good. See you in an hour? Namjoon: I’m at the dorms btw Y/N: See you soon jooooooonie Y/N: I miss you too btw Namjoon: I love you too btw

You punched the code to the dorm and were greeted by a very excited Moni as you entered. The white dog jumping up at your legs, his tail wagging wildly behind him. You bent down in the entryway to give him a few scratches behind his ears, cooing and calling him a good boy.

“All this love for Moni, what about Joonie? I’m a good boy too!” You heard Namjoon shout out as you made your way through the large living room towards the kitchen, Moni playfully following.

“Aww is my good boy jealous?” You set your eyes on your boyfriend huddled over a cutting board, concentrating hard on cutting what seemed to be garlic, his jaw set. Namjoon was dressed in a blue overalls under which he wore a black sweater, the hood atop his head, the hair of which was now back to his natural dark brown, his nose scrunched as he attempted to keep his glasses from slipping. You don’t know if it was not seeing him for a while or the fact that he looked so cuddly, but you felt butterflies, your stomach somersaulting. You hadn’t felt them since the beginning of your relationship, and you were a bit unnerved that he still had that effect on you six months later.

“Holy shit. You look like a hot minion!” You almost yelled as you walked towards him, startling him enough to look at you with wide eyes under his black rimmed glasses and yelp.

“Don’t scare me like that! I almost cut my hand off!” He tried to glare at you but was soon smiling widely as you ducked under his arm to stand directly in front of him between the counter, putting your arms around his neck as you pulled him into a kiss. It felt amazing to have his plush lips against yours again, his familiar scent enveloping your senses till it felt like you were drunk off of him.

“I missed you,” you whispered against his lips. Your hands found your elbows as you pulled him in closer and deepened the kiss, making him moan, his tongue massaging yours as his hands went to your hips, pulling you to him. Before you could lose all your senses you felt a sharp poke on your lower back, and you reluctantly pulled away to look behind you.

“Joonie! You’re still holding the knife!” You said in alarm as his eyes widened again and he dropped it on the counter immediately before looking at you sheepishly and apologizing. “Control yourself. I don’t want to spend the night in the hospital!”

“Then stop distracting me! Go sit there and watch me make you the best pasta of your life.” He smirked and his eyes followed as you moved around the island to sit at the stool, bending down to pet Moni as he settled at your feet. Namjoon knew he was a terrible cook, but he had spent the time at home perfecting this recipe, subjecting his mom to the first few horrible tries, till he figured it out. It was a simple five ingredient dish but it was the first he’d learn and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t want to impress you. You always cooked for him, from experimental recipes you had found online to traditional Korean food that was second best only to his mom’s, and though he was always happy to do the dishes, he wanted your reunion to be special. He cooked almost quietly, blushing slightly at your words and looks of encouragement, plating it like restaurants would before placing it on the dining table and sitting next to you with a bottle of wine, anticipating your reaction.

“What the fuck? You can cook!” you exclaim as you dig in for another bite. Namjoon lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding as he grinned at his success, finally digging into his meal. “I love the garlic. But damn, is this your way of telling me you don’t wanna kiss tonight?”

“Baby, I find even your gross morning breath irresistible, a little garlic’s not gonna stop me.” he laughed and you scowled at him, nudging him with your shoulder, as he leaned over to peck your lips. You weren’t trying to placate Namjoon, this pasta was absolutely delicious, the right amount of seasoning and everything. It warmed your heart that despite his firestarter tendencies he went through the effort to make you a home cooked meal.

As you ate, you talked about your days apart. You recovered from your cold within a day and had been back at work, and even though he scolded you for going back too fast Namjoon loved the way your eyes lit up when you talked about how you had managed to renew a contract with a client today, switching the period from their usual 1 year to 5 years. You had been working on this for a whole month, taking it upon yourself to attend meetings with not only the directors of this company but even the interns. He squealed with you at your success, high-fiving you and finding your excitement extremely adorable. You also talked about how after two bottles of soju Yoongi had finally admitted you were now his closest female friend and he agreed that you both should now tease him about it relentlessly.

Namjoon told you about how excited everyone was to have him home for that extended period of time, and how healing it was to be around them after the cacophony of tour. Apparently his sister had recently started learning how to make loom bracelets and he showed off the purple one on his wrist, telling you about how he had a matching one for you in his bag. Namjoon looked refreshed and you were glad you convinced him to spend the extra time home. He had also managed to bring back another bonsai tree to add to his collection, taking the time to explain how in a few years he could potentially tap the mini maple for some syrup. The image of your clumsy boyfriend trying to tap a tiny tree made you laugh. As the conversation continued and you both finished your food, you saw his mood dip a little. You silently lean forward cupping his face, as he nuzzles into your touch.

“My beautiful, hardworking boy. What’s wrong?” You coo with a soft smile on your face as your thumbs stroked his cheekbones and he pouts exaggeratedly before his hands go around your waist pulling you into his lap.

“I missed you.” He whispers as he nuzzles his face in your chest, his arms tightening around you. Namjoon felt cocooned in your sweet floral vanilla scent, and even though he’d been home just this morning, this felt like home too - just being in your embrace. He felt his heart swell with adoration as you stroked his hair slowly, whispering affirmations into his ear, slowly forgetting his worries about not spending enough time with you.

Usually when you both met after being apart, it was all desperation to get naked, but for the first time this felt much more intimate. He could hear your heartbeat and it soothed him. He suddenly envisioned both of you old and weathered in each other’s arms and he couldn’t fight the grin that made it on his face. He showered you in kisses, moving from your chest to your neck to your jaw and finally to your lips, where he stayed, kissing you firmly as his arms wind tighter around your waist. You lost yourself in his touch, wanting nothing more to be consumed by him as you tugged lightly at his hair, swallowing his moans. Before things could escalate you get startled by a loud thud.

“Wow! Right where we eat!” Jimin clicked his tongue in disapproval, as you both sheepishly stared at him.

“Noona!” Jungkook exclaimed as he came over to Namjoon and you, dragging you into a hug as he kissed the top of both of your heads. The two men seemed overly excited, and as Namjoon explained to you how he thought he was alone in the dorms tonight since no one has been around in weeks, the two interrupted to say that they had come to start a movie marathon, hoping to stay up all night since they had the day off tomorrow to marathon the Batman franchise as they had a bet going on as which one was the best.

“Do you guys want to join us?” Jimin asked politely as he munched on leftover pasta on the table. You excitedly opened your mouth to speak but before you could get a word out, Namjoon looked at you sternly.

“Nope.” He refused the boys as he looked at you, leaning in close to whisper in your ear before he nipped at it. “Baby, ignore your obsession with Batman. I want my dessert.” His voice was a few octaves lower than usual and his words made you shiver, a blush creeping up your face as a nervous giggle escaped your lips. Maybe you could skip rewatching these old movies, just once.

Bidding a quick goodbye to the boys and ignoring their smirks, you both made your way to Namjoon’s room. As soon as you were out of sight, Namjoon pulled you into another kiss, slotting your lower lip between his, making your heart race as he walked you down the hallway towards his room. You almost tripped over his bags haphazardly strewn in front of his door.

“Sorry, didn’t have time to go to my room yet.” He chuckled against your lips as his grip on your hips stabilized you. You giggled as you turned around to open his door, his lips on your neck instantaneously as he rubbed his growing bulge against your butt. His touch had you breathless as you moved in his room, Moni following closely behind you. Removing himself from you he picked up his dog and moved him outside murmuring an apology to the whining canine as he shut the door.

Without wasting any time, he pinned you against the door, your makeout session getting heavy. Your eyes were screwed shut as you mewled, his lips along your neck igniting a fire in you. Your hands moved from his hair to the buckles of his overalls, snapping them off as they fell to the ground unceremoniously. “Oh look! Easy access!” you exclaimed as he smiled against your skin.

His lips met yours again, his hands kneading the flesh of your sides under your shirt. You could kiss him like this forever, the way his tongue explores your mouth as if he doesn’t already know every crevice of your body, as if he’s worshipping you. His kiss slows down, turning from a sloppy fiery heat to intentional moves made to make you moan as he moves you towards the bed, dropping you to the middle as soon as your knees hit the back of the bed. He stands above you removing his shirt with one hand as you move backwards and soon he’s slotting himself between you.

“Fuck I love you.” He whispers as he kisses your cheek, moving towards your ear. You moan loudly as he grinds against you. Your hands run over his back, feeling the muscles as he continues to kiss your neck, biting it before soothing it with wide licks of his tongue. You used to be embarrassed by the marks he left behind but somehow as time passed you craved them. Jiyoung had even nicknamed him your vampire, and you’d be lying if that didn’t make you giddy.

Realizing you were still fully dressed you pushed at his chest, making him lie next to you as you straddled him, one of your knees almost slipping off the edge of the bed. You giggle at your clumsiness as he holds your hips to steady you and you slowly unbutton your shirt. As your skin becomes visible he runs his hands up your stomach to your chest, squeezing each breast as he reaches your neck before pulling your face to his.

“Mhmm… my pretty girl.” He almost growls as he pulls you into another heated kiss, his hands cupping your face as you grind on him. Suddenly you feel a tug at your hair, making you moan into his mouth, breaking the kiss. Before you know it you are on the floor, laughing at your clumsiness as you see his confused face, eyes still closed, lips puckered.

However, your laughter dies as you hear a loud screech. That’s when you feel that your hair was still being tugged as you looked up to see a tall, bulky woman, probably in her late thirties calling you a slut. Before you can even register what is happening you feel a sharp pain across your face as you realize you’ve just been punched. You taste the iron before you notice drops of bright red on your chest.

You cup your nose with one hand as you hear chaos ensue. Namjoon yelling your name as Moni barks loudly outside the room. You are aware that you are still lying on the floor but your eyes refuse to open as you hear scuffling before the door being slammed and Jungkook’s voice.

Everything’s a blur and you hear a loud blood curdling scream. Before you can register that that noise came from your mouth you hear your arm snap just as the most pain you have ever felt in your life turns your arm numb. You don’t remember much after, only grunts and shouts of your name. The last thing you hear is Namjoon’s voice calling your name repeatedly as he holds your head.

——

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[monkberries]

So here goes: Personally I find Paul to be hot with a beard. But it annoys me because there’s always some Paul stan who’s like “he was super depressed during that time you know” anytime someone says how hot he looks with a beard. Like first of all, I don’t think we should go around diagnosing people and assuming how he felt 24/7 just based on a couple of quotes when we don’t know him, and second of all I was just saying he looks good. Also idk why Paul stans want to pretend like Paul is STILL a victim when he’s definitely not. He’s a super successful billionaire musician. He’s fine.

I'm going to assume all four of these were from the same anon; I received another along these same lines that seems to be from someone else:

OKAY. There's a lot here.

As I've said before, I think the concept you are both talking about - that Paul is the favourite, that people will attack you if you criticize him, that people are vilifying John more now - is true, but is also a matter of perspective. I think sometimes we perceive the whole fandom as just the people we're surrounded by; that can be true in smaller fandoms, like for obscure shows or whatever, but for the Beatles, the fandom is so much bigger and more spread out across generations, social media platforms, and works of literature than almost any other fandom. There are literally thousands upon thousands of books either about or tangentially about the Beatles; there are pockets on every platform from tumblr to twitter to podcasts to instagram to facebook etc., and it branches off even more niche within those to like, facebook groups specifically for podcasts about the Beatles, or discord servers, or livejournal threads, or music forums, or fics on ao3. There are fansites with thoughtful speculative articles like heydullblog and blogs specifically reviewing Beatle books like beatlebioreview and sites cataloging every bit of minutiae like the Beatles Bible, all with their own flavor of comment sections. And not only that, the Beatles fandom spans generations and cultures in a way that almost nothing else ever has or ever will.

And this is not even going into the shifting narratives that have been in play over the years surrounding Paul specifically, and the huge, huge difference between the perceptions of him by the authors and the Counterculture People, the perceptions of him by regular ass Wings fans who have only idly flipped through Rolling Stone while waiting in line at the local bodega, and the perceptions of him by everyone in between, who may or may not have been unconsciously influenced by the wider narratives about him.

All that is to make the case that the fandom that you are experiencing on tumblr/twitter is an extremely small fraction of The Fandom at large. For every Paul stan on twitter that yells at people for not believing that Paul literally invented music, there is a John stan in a facebook group going on about John's supposedly tireless peace efforts. For every nuanced, well sourced post on amoralto's blog, there is someone in the Beatles Bible comment section saying that John and Paul hated each other. For every fan who's read the major Beatles bios with a critical eye towards bias, there are plenty more fans who just absorbed them as straight fact. This is not to say that your experiences are not real or valid! They absolutely are! What I am saying is that there are infinite permutations of infinite Beatles fandoms out there, and the people you see who insist that Paul is still treated worse than John, I would imagine, are occupying various permutations of the fandom where that is more true, alongside the one they share with you. It's not for me to say whether the Paul or John people have the upper hand on the whole - truly, I don't think anyone has enough perspective on the whole fandom to make any judgment on that, no matter what general Grand Pronouncements anyone may make about The Fandom.

As I've said before, any overly defensive "stan" behavior, whether it's for John or Paul or George or anyone, is exhausting to me, so I definitely understand where you're coming from re: him being supposedly underrated. He is literally one of the most successful musicians of all time; as of the beginning of this year, he is worth 1.2 billion dollars; and, thanks to his own efforts and the efforts of quite a few fans and writers out there over the decades, he now enjoys an incredibly positive "granddude" reputation. There are ways in which it can be exasperating to read yet another indignant refutation of music reviews for RAM that came out fifty years ago, when his last three albums have hit the top 3 in the charts in both the US and the UK and have gotten great reviews. I have seen people wonder, honestly wonder, how much more money Paul could have made, how much more respected he could have been, if the rock press had been inclined to give RAM good reviews. When I see that, it does start to feel like fans of Paul, at least the defensive ones in the fandom permutations I occupy, are arguing with the author photo of Philip Norman in the book jacket for Shout!. It's not that I think those arguments and discussions are not worth having; I do think they're worth having because I believe that the only way we can continue to grow is if we grapple with the mistakes made in the past. But there is a strange kind of disconnect that happens when you read about someone indignantly defending Wild Life as though the members of Wings are currently, actively having eggs and rotten fruit thrown at them, and then you remember that Paul is currently, and has been for many years now, one of the richest men in the entire world.

As for the misogyny thing, I'll copy and paste a quote from Erin Weber which may explain a little better than I can:

"Where it starts entering into serious discussion for me is when you have professional grown men (Schaffner would be the most glaring example of this, but not the only one) repeatedly using the term “pretty” or “pretty-faced” to refer to another grown man. (Norman does the same). Schaffner doesn’t only do that once or twice, he uses one of those exact words at least fifteen times in his references to McCartney. “Pretty-boy” is also a term that at least one journalist has used to describe Paul, and that’s not a stealth insult: that’s an overt one. (My husband, who hates the Yankees, routinely used the term “pretty-boy” to insult Alex Rodriguez. And it wasn’t meant as a compliment).

My reaction to this is based both on studies that I’m aware of (I’d have to hunt them up, but I’ve seen them referenced before) which argue that the use of feminized language can be a method of stealth insult/diminishment when used by men to describe other men, and my own personal experience. It is difficult to see a situation where a grown man using the term “pretty” or any variation of the word “pretty” to describe another grown man means it as a compliment. Even if its purely meant as a descriptive term, it is a descriptive term that is weighted with significant meaning and is feminizing. And given the rock press’s obsession with masculinity and its insistence, as noted in other studies, of using masculine terms to portray a song as good and feminizing terms to describe them as weak or inferior, I don’t think its a coincidence that a rock press that knew well the power of masculine and feminine language commonly used feminized language, particularly in the 1970s and 80s, to describe McCartney."

I personally see this more as pseudo-homophobic than pseudo-misogynistic (like, when I see a man called "pretty" by another man in an insulting way, I immediately think "oh, that author wanted to say a gay slur but he's too Professional"), but the two things can get muddled together, I suppose.

Anyway, actionable items:

Diversify Your Fan Experience. More perspectives can really help gain a fuller understanding of not just the fandom but the Beatles themselves. Don't be afraid to be wrong, and don't be afraid to be right; always be open to learning new things and hearing new insights.

If All Else Fails, Block 'Em.

[lyeekha]

for the fic commentary, anything about double edged, but this part in particular is my favorite – “I’m a treasonous deserter, my defining quality is that I betray my blood and station. Uncertainty is my very essence. I have no side. According to everyone I could turn at any time. I could be a different person, or even be a different person! Who, exactly, is left to trust me?”

(Pick a passage or comic chapter of mine for commentary)

Oh boy! This was a very fun section to write. villainous melodrama! It's nearly too much but E is a very dramatic soul with an overdramatic inner monologue and L lampshades it immediately so its good and funny and allowed and also totally sincere as well.

In a nice reflection of the previous commentary, you have picked out the other edge of the double edged manoeuvre! It cuts both ways, you see. After finally making an overt move on Lemony, Ernest is thrown off guard by Lem saying something that genuinely surprises him - and falters as a result, which he did not plan to be seen to be doing.

Ernest slumped back away from him and laughed. Actually laughed. Lemony wasn’t sure what was funny but took careful note for later analysis. He’d not heard the man falter before.

Also, Lemony doesn't initially understand this reaction, and that's another way he knows it's important. He thought he understood better than that. Ernest also thought Lemony understood better than that, and is actually more hurt than surprised that he apparently doesn't, which he kind of says outright shortly after.

Anyway. This little speech. It reference in pattern a quote from Boethius's The Consolation Of Philosophy, not as close as to be a direct pull, but closely enough to be something Ernest clearly knows and has thought about. I'm pretty sure that in a future chapter he will perform it in full, but just in case, it goes:

"It is my belief that history is a wheel. 'Inconstancy is my very essence,' says the wheel. Rise up on my spokes if you like, but don't complain when you are cast back down into the depths. Good times pass away, but then so do the bad. Mutability is our tragedy, but it is also our hope. The worst of time, like the best, are always passing away."

This is only partially relevant to Ernest's point. It is also not a true translation, it is a version popularised by being often said by Tony Wilson, the legendary owner of the Factory Records label, which was then further popularised by Chris Eccleston speaking it in the film about the life of Tony Wilson. This fourth-handed self-mythologising kind of nonsense is perfect for Ernest. He would insist that if a truth is self-evident or a concept is clear then the method of communicating it, even falsehoods, don't matter. Much like Tony Wilson might say. Or Melvil Dui, arguing about spelling.

The point is. Ernest is defined by the fact that he betrayed, and continues to betray, his family (his blood) and misuses his un-fire-able position in the organisation (his station) to betray that organisation. Nomatter what the truth actually is, the image of Ernest and the role he plays now is someone who will turn. The Volunteers can't trust him because of his actions. And the Firestarters can't trust him because of his family. When talking to him, there's every chance he could be a different person - you are actually talking to his brother - or even be a different person - he has changed in himself significantly enough to not condone you any more.

The reason he gets so bitter and performative about it is that this image of himself is a role he is now forced to play for survival. What started as a bid for his own opinions has turned into a similarly empty role.

That… was closer to the melodramatic villainous monologue he’d been waiting for. Lemony gathered his fuzzy nerves and prepared to ask the question, the real question, the one that hid behind all the others. It seemed unlikely he would ever get another chance.

“So why do it? Why do you keep this up?”

Ernest became placid again, and fiddled with his sleeve, rolling it back into place. For the longest time Lemony thought he wasn’t going to answer. When he did speak, he sounded clipped and strange.

“Some things are more important than personal gain. I’d have thought, of all people, you would definitely understand that.”

He justifies it as self-sacrifice. His own role is irrelevant. He justifies it as a noble, unselfish act, with mysterious parameters that we don't quite know yet. And this, most crucially of all, directly contradicts Lemony's earlier reasoning -

under the circumstances it just seemed too... selfish. Surely that kind of selfishness was what marked out the enemy in the first place. It was their weakness. Not ours.

Over the course of the fic, Ernest has subtly upset a few cornerstones of the logic that Lemony was using to tell himself that things are ok. And thus, captivated him, because there's nothing that draws Lemony more strongly than the idea of a destructive truth that proves himself wrong.

The kicker is that this was not the plan. The plan was only to distract Lemony while he got hold of the macguffin, but a couple of sincere words got out. Not by accident exactly, Ernest is too controlled for that, but in an improvisation that took him by surprise as he realised what he was doing.

anyway shout out to the classic double meaning of 'taking care' of someone

[baodurs]

i filled out this super cool button character profile by @extraordinarymage for sabrina! thank you for making this, it was a lot of fun to fill out <3 the bulk of it is under a cut and oh boy is it long !!!

Short, Quick Reference

Name: Sabrina Wiseman

Pronouns: She/her

Sexuality: Bisexual

Love Interest: Kent

Main personality trait: Confidence

Secondary personality trait: Morbidity

Relationship with Nick: Full of love, haunted by unaddressed guilt and frustration. But mostly full of love.

Nickname for Nick: Saint Nick (used sparingly)

Resentful or accepting?: Slightly resentful

Main strategy (interpersonal, insightful, innovative?): Insightful

Ethical or expedient?: Expedient

GENERAL

Name: Sabrina Larkspur Wiseman

Nickname(s): Sab, used by anyone; Sabby, only Nick and Sally; and, of course, Button for Nick.

Birthday: I think I made her an October Libra for the purpose of a template I did months ago, but I’m not sure! No concrete birthday yet, I’m always very slow to nail down details like this.

Age: 20

Pronouns: She/her

Sexuality: Bisexual

Hair color + style: Blonde. A little past shoulder length, sometimes wavy. Usually a middle part. For Aeon, tied back in a bun.

Eye color: Blue, entirely because of the section of Frank O’Hara’s “Meditations in an Emergency” that goes, “My eyes are vague blue, like the sky...”

Height: 5′5

Piercings: Multiple in each ear, but a couple have started to close.

Tattoos: None yet! Sab likes the idea of a tattoo but is worried about finding the perfect design, whether she’d end up hating it, that the pain might be greater than she expects and she’ll look like a baby in front of her tattoo artist. I’d like to think she eventually consults Sally and/or Glitch to come up with an idea that she falls in love with, but I haven’t come up with what that would be!

Clothing style: Mostly solid colors, not a lot of patterns. Nothing super bright, but a fairly varied mix of pastels, neutrals, dark colors, black. Partial to denim skirts and sweater tops. Ankle boots. Likes a good turtleneck. She’s bolder when it comes to formal wear, and especially loves suits. Big fan of silk and satin.

Since she has a pretty accurate face claim, I’ll link some gifsets I’ve rb’d for appearance ref if you are so inclined.

STATS

I’m always adjusting minor things and swapping scenes around, but these are from my most recent Sab run! Most scores hover somewhere around these values.

Personality:

Confidence: 53%

Humor: 5%

Morbidity: 22%

Resentful: 57% | Accepting: 43%

Strategy:

Interpersonal: 12%

Insightful: 50%

Innovative: 10%

Ethical: 43% | Expedient: 57%

KEY DECISIONS:

What is Nick’s nickname and why?: Saint Nick, used very rarely. It’s a joking reference to the time she thought Santa was an evil Ment out to ruin Christmas, and a point about Nick overdoing it with the cheer. “Saint Nick” is usually code for “I know you mean well, but please mind your own business.” Otherwise, she just calls him Nick.

What is their favorite type of cookie (and its name and why?): Salted caramel chocolate chip! No special name.

What was their initial reaction to Sally hugging them, as kids?: She just froze. That could just be me projecting adult Sabrina onto her childhood self; I don’t imagine that she was as uncomfortable around strangers or quite as cautious back then. But that’s what I’ll stick with.

How did they ace the ASE test?: The in-game option she takes is “My entire life has revolved around strategic avoidance,” but the one about being just plain smart also sounds like her. If Sab has the chance to thoroughly (over)prepare for something, she will do it. Her mind blindness also has her constantly (over)analyzing situations. So, hard work and relentless anxiety!

Did they manage to win their first assignment? How?: Yes, by having Sally block the door. I’ve headcanoned some slight differences in how it plays out, which I wrote about in-depth here. To summarize, Sab thinks of blocking the door as a desperate last resort, not a clever loophole, and she pushes back against Rosy’s praise because she wishes she could have done it the “real” way. Rosy goes from being impressed to being annoyed that she’s willfully missing the point.

What was the primary emotion Button felt during the Aeon bombing (love, gratitude, etc?): Guilt. She feels very guilty about how much Nick has given up for her in general, but I think that in the moment, it’s on a smaller scale. The fact that Nick was on the phone with her when it happened, coming to her rescue like always, becomes emblematic of their whole relationship for her, and she really fixates on that.

Who drove them home from the hospital from and why?: Glitch. Sab responds to her initial text with “Are you sure?”, and is relieved when Glitch takes that as “Yes, please.” She doesn’t relish the idea of being around someone more connected to her family or Nick at that point.

How do they feel about Nick riding around in their mind?: Worried, at first. Just because it’s so unknown and absolutely insane. After seeing Doctor Amari, she’s excited! Sab is thrilled to be a Pollard Five and intends to take full advantage of it. I am not looking forward to seeing how she reacts when that’s taken away from her.

Why did Button agree to do the undercover mission?: To prove she still deserves to be an MIV. Sabrina feels stupid and reckless for putting herself, Nick, and Aeon in this position, but she knows she’s smart, and she hasn’t worked this hard for nothing. She wants to prove what she could do with a normal Pollard Score and make herself too valuable to give up even when she’s back to Zero.

Told Glitch about your mind blindness?: Depends on the playthrough. I’m constantly going back and forth on whether Sab meets Glitch for coffee or wanders the city with Nick in her second chapter 5 slot (after trying to track down Kent). If she does meet Glitch, though, she absolutely tells her; with how touchy Sab is about privacy, she couldn’t stomach not warning Glitch that Nick could hear everything they said.

Figured out K’s secret?: Nope. She finds enough of the clues to be given the “I knew it!” option in-game, but she didn’t actually put it together. Sab is too angry and embarrassed by learning that Kent is an AMO to find any reason to interrogate it. “The random guy I met before school just happens to be a jerk” is a perfectly sound explanation to her.

Found Noh’s clues?: Not at the metro station. Sometimes she sees the Vengeance brooms in chapter 5 (again, depending on the playthrough), but that’s it.

ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP:

Love Interest: Kent

Why them?: Sab feels an immediate kinship with Kent after learning about the NPO program. It’s kind of funny how quickly he moves from the least sympathetic position in her eyes (Ment who got past me and read my mind without my knowledge) to the most sympathetic (non-powered child of a prominent family aiming a league above where he “belongs”). A lot of new respect for his competence. Her fate is sealed when she realizes that his kindness at the hospital wasn’t him trying to make up for some wrongdoing, but just him being very sweet. (She had scoffed over “You needed help.” But now she’s like, “Oh. He meant that?! Fuck.”)

As they spend more time together, Sab realizes how weirdly similar they are in other ways, too. And she starts to feel safe/secure around him in a way that she’s extremely not used to. Growing up surrounded by Ments, Sab has a lot of issues about being too much, too difficult, needing to “be worthy” of love. So someone like Kent who is not a Ment, who has no “obligation” to care about her, and whose judgement she trusts implicitly? Being around him and being loved by him mean a lot, and I think will go a long way towards helping her reflect on her other relationships!

What are their first impressions of each other?: Okay, there are like 3 first impressions with Kent. First: he’s tall and handsome and secretly adorable, and they have similar career goals, so she’s drafting a five-month plan to woo him and get his number. Second: he’s a lying, self-obsessed loser who owes her many explanations. Third: oh no, the first impression was true! And he’s been continually, selflessly kind to her in spite of her overt hostility. Scratch the five-month plan, because the crush was only fun when it was entirely superficial; now she really, really likes him and that just sucks.

We know that Button makes a good impression on K by stopping for their dogs, but apart from that... I mean, the “we confused each other” from chapter 7 is very apt. Sab has lots of shifting personas, and Kent sees pretty much every one within 24 hours. The prevailing impression before everything gets cleared up is probably just that she cares a lot? About everything? Her stopping for the dogs, how seriously she takes the first assignment, the way she seems so deeply affected by something he said or did that morning. It’s a rare side of her to meet first because she usually pretends to be above everything.

What feature does your Button find most attractive in their RO (ex. appearance, personality, etc.)?: Probably his composure. And his... steadfastness? The way he seems unruffled by anything, his soothing presence. She really admires that about him and finds the calm contagious.

What do they do to spend time together?: Going on drives together! Kent driving while Sab plays songs she thinks he’ll like, talking or not talking. Cuddling on the couch while reading their own separate books. Museum dates. Walking the dogs together.

Do they argue? How do they handle arguments and disagreements? How do they make up?: I imagine that the first month or so of their relationship would be difficult, just because they’re both bad at expressing themselves and not used to relying on other people. Kent kind of negates a lot of Sab’s impulses to get defensive or hostile, so instead of arguments, I think there are more likely to be awkward periods where she’s just stewing in something without addressing it. Most of their fights would be, like, one of them becoming really distant for a concerning number of days until the other tries to awkwardly check in on them.

What does their future look like?: Uhh some random lore: I think eventually they do get married, despite neither of them caring that much about it. Sabrina would be excited to have something to plan, and she knows it would make the people around her happy. They have a long engagement; there’s never really an “official” proposal, just an acknowledgement that yeah, they’ll get married one day, and then eventually they get rings. The engagement is almost Sab’s favorite part, honestly. She likes planning and showing off her ring and calling Kent her fiancé, a lot of fanfare on her part for a wedding that ends up being very modest and chill.

OTHER RELATIONSHIPS (Feel free to go in depth!)

Relationship with Nick: When I first started developing Sab, I thought that with as difficult/prickly as she can be, her relationship with Nick would be worse than it is. Never bad, but certainly strained, with more jealousy/resentment on her side. However, she rejected this. She is resentful, but never towards Nick—she internalizes the negative parts of their relationship so they manifest as guilt instead. And that’s the problem, not resentment. Sab thinks he’s overprotective, but that doesn’t make her angry; it just makes her sad. She wishes things were different and he didn’t feel so responsible for her, but she also doesn’t know how she could manage without him taking on so many of her burdens. So, guilt! So much love, but always looming guilt.

Having Nick in her head has helped. It’s added a new kind of guilt (“I’m a horrible person for being so giddy that people can’t hear my thoughts even though that requires my brother to be in a coma”), but getting inside Nick’s head for once and really feeling his love for her changes things. Makes her feel way more secure, I guess? It’s easier to see her brother as human person, a friend who loves her, rather than a perfect selfless paragon who sacrificed everything to raise her, which is an important shift.

There are also Things happening with self-presentation in the fact that they’re both models, and flirts, and pretend to be shallow. And the ways that they’ve responded to vastly different expectations. And selflessness versus selfishness. But I have no idea how to talk about that yet.

Relationship with Father: Strained and distant. Sabrina doesn’t necessarily blame him for leaving, but she hates how he’s handled it. She’s incredibly frustrated that John insists on keeping them in this miserable limbo of uncomfortable visits, even though moving away was (to her) a tacit acknowledgement that she and her parents are better off without each other. He’s trying to force a relationship that Sab thinks is ultimately harmful for everyone involved. For Nick’s sake, she’s willing to grin and bear the visits, but it never works because John can obviously tell it’s an act. He pushes her, she gets defensive, and so on to infinity.

Relationship with Mother: Like with John, Sab doesn’t resent Hope for the incident itself, or for leaving afterward. It was terrifying, and the idea of being around Hope makes her panic—but she thinks of that as just another irrational anxiety symptom, and she’s trying to work through it. What she does resent Hope for is letting it get to that point at all. Sab is incredibly bitter that Hope will suffer silently to the point of almost killing her (during the incident) and potentially herself (with the BRS), while Sab has no choice but to be completely open. Especially because they’re so similar in that way—she’s almost jealous. “Oh, so your silence is allowed to almost kill me and it’s ‘nobody’s fault’ but I can’t pretend to enjoy a single lunch with Dad without him calling me out for lying?”

And even though she doesn’t hold the incident itself against her, Sab is very hung up on “Why are you never quiet? Why are you always there?” She knows, on some level, that this was not a Personal Judgement against her. But because Hope keeps so much quiet, this is the only honest expression of her mother’s feelings that she can remember! It would take a lot for Sab to believe that Hope was really, genuinely interested in reconnecting with her, rather than just pretending to love her "enough” this time because to do otherwise would reflect poorly on Hope as a mother.

Relationship with Sally: Besties <3 Sally is the only member of the Wiseman inner circle that Sab doesn’t have complicated feelings about. They both have hidden morbid streaks that they bring out in each other, and can laugh about. They both have competitive streaks that work well together because they’re always on the same team. And their wants/needs from the relationship complement each other well, I think. Sally has always felt valued because she’s useful and not because she’s loved, while Sab has always felt smothered by love/care without feeling like she genuinely adds value to other people’s lives. So it means a lot to both of them that they’re able to help each other practically, while also genuinely loving and supporting each other outside of that.

Relationship with Gray: Full of trust and genuine care, but predicated on distance. Sab loves him a lot for being so careful not to cross any boundaries, physical or emotional, with her. She’s grateful that he’s there for Nick in a way that she doesn’t feel she can be. But "I like Gray because he doesn’t push me and is good to Nick” means that any hand he extend makes her defensive, because she’ll either view him as an emissary of Nick or start to panic because their normal routine is being disrupted (she doesn’t tell him about Hope in ch 3, for example).

They get along very well in a friend-of-a-friend sort of way, and bond over being cautious counterparts to Nick. Also, Sab never had a crush on Gray, but she is not immune to tall superhero and thinks it’s fun to fake flirt with him. (You know Isabela’s “You have pretty eyes” routine from DA2? Sab does that to Gray when conversations steer towards things she’d rather not talk about.)

Relationship with Glitch: I’m really excited about these two! They click from the start, and Sabrina feels immediately comfortable around Glitch, which makes her feel distinctly uncomfortable whenever she catches herself. Externally, they have pretty different personalities, but they’re both perceptive and... socially manipulative? aware of their self-presentation?... in ways that they both pick up on right away. So it’s a lot of conversational maneuvering and trying to figure out what the other’s game is, while also genuinely enjoying each other’s company.

Relationship with Kent/Kenna: I could go truly insane here. See the romance section above instead.

Relationship with Kim: Sab wants him to like her sooooo bad. He’s one of the only people to ever really get through to her, re: my headcanon conversation after the first assignment. Authority figures tend to treat her as special, whether that’s negatively because of her mind blindness or positively because she’s such an overachiever. She had no idea how to respond to that not being the case (and didn’t handle it well at first), but chapter 6 solidifies her respect for him.

It also turns Rosy’s opinion of Sab around; he was impressed by her in class but left his office thinking she was self-absorbed and naive. But the bombing is a reality check, and her response is very measured and practical in a way that surprises him.

Relationship with Lev: She doesn’t mind the comparisons to Nick or the “maybe one day they’ll fix you” comments as much as you might think. They aren’t her favorite, but she prefers that sort of thing to the inspirational platitudes belied by coddling that she got from her family growing up. Sab has fond memories of Lev and is grateful that he’s always been kind to her, but doesn’t have any particular feelings apart from that.

Relationship with Clarence: Holds a grudge against him for causing a scene, making her late, and generally being a jerk. But she can’t fault him for being right, after what happened! Mostly she just wants to avoid him, but she’ll be thrilled to lord her success over him if/when she proves herself.

Relationship with Dean Branham: Like Rosy, another authority figure that Sab desperately wants to impress. But without the personal investment she has in Rosy’s validation, more “Oh, this person is in charge, so I should make her like me!” Despite Nick’s and Rosy’s reservations, Sabrina doesn’t really have a problem with being “strongarmed” or manipulated into cooperating; for now, she figures Branham was just doing her job and respects her tactics.

Relationship/attitude towards Ments in general: Mostly just uncomfortable and wary around them. Sab doesn’t want her mind read, and she figures that no Ment wants to be forced to read it either. So she has a pretty strict “no Ments” rule for close personal relationships (excluding Nick, Sally, and Gray, of course. But only Nick really counts because he’s the only one who can hear her thoughts whenever she’s nearby). Not out of hatred or resentment, just because she knows it will be easier for everyone in the long run.

Do they have any other important relationships, past or present? (Relatives, friends, etc.?): Not many, but yes! Sab dated around a lot in the 2 years before Aeon (more like year and a half, because she completely shut it down once she was more focused on preparing for the MIV program), but there are 2 relationships that were formative/important for her. A high school sweetheart, and someone Sab met through modeling. She doesn’t keep up with her high school ex, but the model is her best friend outside of Sally and Nick, and they still keep in touch! I’m still developing them/the relationships, and I’ll probably post more about them someday. They’re fun!

PERSONAL BIO

Describe their personality: Confusing and contradictory. She has two main modes that confuse people who meet both (e.g., Kent). She’s either cold, stuck-up, and sometimes hostile, OR she’s charming, frivolous, and sometimes flirty. Mode 1 is tense but stoic and inexpressive; mode 2 is seemingly relaxed but very posed and insincere. Mode 1 is for when she feels uncertain or has no agenda apart from “get to point B”; mode 2 is for when she’s more comfortable or trying to manipulate someone. Her actual personality is a bit closer to the second, but she doesn’t pretend not take things seriously or hide when she’s annoyed.

Strengths: Analytical, methodical, detail-oriented. Very driven and hardworking. May not always act like it, but does have social skills/charisma; a great liar, if you can’t read her mind. Unfailingly loyal and loving to her favorite people, so so so warm and affectionate and supportive if she really loves you. Very perceptive.

Weaknesses: Way too proud. Can be petty and vindictive. Self-absorbed (she doesn’t mean anything by it, but it’s hard for her to see past herself sometimes). Stubborn, hates being wrong. And... emotional isn’t the word, but strong negative emotions can really cloud her judgement. It ties into her being proud, petty, and stubborn; if she’s really upset about something, she can cling to that emotion instead of re-evaluating it or moving forward.

Phobias: From this ask about the phobias that are planned to show up in-game, there are a few that I could see fitting Sab, but I want to wait to see how they’re implemented before I fully commit. Which is very metagame-y, I know (and I am very metagame-y about IF), but “fear of X” is so broad that it really does depend on when/how it manifests in the text.

That being said, agoraphobia is almost a lock; crowds do make Sab very anxious if she can’t keep track of everyone within a certain distance, and if she can’t leave when she starts feeling antsy. Claustrophobia is a maybe. The choice that triggers it (in chapter 4, about hating MRI machines) suits Sab, but I’m not sure if she hates MRI machines because she hates tight spaces, or if it’s more related to her general anxiety about hospitals, medical tests, etc. Which she definitely has!

What activities/club did they do in school?: She avoided anything group-oriented as far as possible. She took piano (maybe violin?) lessons and did recitals, but wasn’t in orchestra. The one exception was maybe National Honor Society or some equivalent, which she would have joined for her resume’s sake. And I think she would have tutored!

Where do they escape to when they need space?: A little used library corner, where she can people watch without being seen/heard.

How do they feel about/cope with their mind blindness?: Sab hates it but tries not to dwell on it. She knows that it’s no one’s fault, and she mainly just tries to... minimize it? Drown out her thoughts, limit her contact with Ments. And, least healthily, very rigidly managing herself. Because there’s so much of her that exists outside of herself, without her control, she tries to either filter or completely suppress everything else. Part of why she got into modeling, she can perform and be perfect and have total control over the final product of her body in the photographs for whatever campaign. Some Day This Will Be Better. But definitely not where she is in current canon.

How has your Button changed since the Incident with Hope?: Developed many new anxieties and disorders and syndromes :) She also became way more self-conscious, as in literally conscious of and way more tightly monitoring herself, what she’s thinking, what she’s expressing, how she’s sitting, etc. Less emotive face, more rigid posture.

If they weren’t an Aeon student, what would they be doing?: Sab would have beaten herself up forever if she “proved everyone right” by avoiding Unity/Ments entirely, so she’d want to stay in the family business somehow. She probably would have ended up doing scientific research on mental agility. Maybe even working for Mirrortech or some other biotech company, which I imagine would have been an interesting conversation to have with the family.

RANDOM FACTS:

Zodiac sign: Like I said, I assigned her Libra months ago for the sake of a template. But I don’t know enough about astrology to commit. Libra or Leo, probably.

Hobbies: Music, reading poetry, “cooking” (i.e., sitting on the counter and not helping while Nick makes dinner)

Likes: Watching other people (Nick) play video games, dressing up, taking long showers/baths, dark chocolate with caramel, back hugs

Dislikes: Being patronized, hot weather, going to the doctor, driving, doing anything she is not good at

Type of bedsheets: Bamboo.

Drink of choice: Cucumber mint lemonade! For hot drinks, some kind of caramel coffee. For alcohol, she refuses to get drunk because she’s terrified of having even less control of her mental broadcast, but at home/around people she trusts she’ll have a glass or two of wine. Doesn’t know enough to be picky, but doesn’t like it too sweet.

Favorite food: Probably some pasta dish Nick makes with asparagus and tomatoes and a lot of garlic.

Favorite color: Like a light turquoise!

Favorite music: Music to her was another mind-shielding tactic before anything else, so she tends to like upbeat-ish electronic/pop stuff. Catchy and repetitive, and/or with lots of personality to drown out her own thoughts. On the other end of the spectrum, she does have a soft spot for crackly, lo-fi, old or old-sounding slow songs—something about fuzzy recordings simulating a weak telepathic signal.

Favorite season: Hmm, spring and autumn are both good. She likes either side of winter.

Anything else you’d like to share: My heart and a long, fulfilling marriage, with anyone who reads all this 💍

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

May I request GHJPU for Sebastian? Sebby needs more love :D (eee sorry if any of this overlapped or its too much, have a cookie for your troubles 🍪)

DID SOMEBODY SAY LOVING SEBASTIAN HOURS!?!?!?!?! FERAL EYE GLEAM

Bless your heart!!! Sebastian has found a new and very dear place in my heart as of late, I would be delighted to offer my thoughts!!!!! :D (your cookie offering has been accepted with the utmost glee 🍪, I hope my humble writing efforts will bring you equal joy, lovely~💖💖💖) 

G = Gifts (How does he feel about gift giving? What are his habits when it comes to this?) 

Awwww haha, baby boy Sebby is honestly a very observant and reliable kind of S/O, I think. He will notice even the tiniest of changes in MC’s expression--the slightest shifts in her temperament. As a result of his attentive nature he has an easy time deducing the things she might like, always makes a mental note of where her eyes linger. Is there a classic she once loved in her time being published for the first time in their era, on display at a bookstore nearby? Noted. Does she hover near shops filled with self-care products--things like scented candles or lotions or bath salts, things she considers indulgent luxuries? Noted. Is there an outfit that caught his eye in a boutique, something he thinks would complement her complexion perfectly? Noted. 

The thing about Sebastian is that his gifts will be heartfelt, timely, and devastatingly thoughtful. Whether something small or something lavish it will always be precisely what she needs/wants, and she can sense the loving care he put into finding the perfect gift.

H = Holding Hands (When/how does he like to hold hands?)

Honestly? Sebastian has spent the better part of his life alone. His circumstances weren’t the worst; for all that he’s lost in his life he never went hungry, lived comfortably. But...that doesn’t change the fact that his life has been fairly devoid of meaningful human contact. Even in college, friends and close colleagues were hard to come by. The few people he did develop budding feelings for he always gave up on long before it could become any kind of substantial relationship. He was always the type to admire from afar, never really felt worthy of the people he liked.

It was MC that was the first to reach out to him, and for the first little while in their relationship she will be the one most naturally inclined to reach for him. He isn’t really used to having someone by his side like this, somebody who would be delighted to hold his hand--who wants to be close to him. It’s always a shock when they go grocery shopping and he just feels her fingers wrap gently around his. She blushes a little and says something about not wanting to get separated, but it’s clear what her real motivation was.

After those first few months, it becomes much more natural for him to reach for her hand when they’re traveling somewhere together or when they’re alone. He likes to intertwine their fingers, loves the way they fit against his perfectly. His shyness wears off after a while, and it’ll be rare to see them together without them holding hands--unless they’re cooking or at work.

J = Jokes (Does he like to joke around with or prank her? How?)

Do you know how cats have their eyes all narrow thin pupil but then they go REALLY REALLY round? That’s Sebastian. I tend to refer to it as “Silly Time Mode Engaged.”

Now then, his kind of joking is very dry and very deadpan. It’s subtle and immediate, so if you’re not attuned to it it can be easy to miss. That, or people just look at him weird because they don’t quite get the connection he’s making and/or the delivery feels off because his facial expression doesn’t change at all, completely flat. That being said, one of his all time favorite things to do is to say something absurd or nigh histrionic (which tends to be uncharacteristic of him) and wait for the confused head turn/startled laughter to hit. He will make puns and play on words all the time--he puts his academic knowledge to good use.

“I swear when I first met you I was convinced you were an AI.” “Alexa taught me everything I know.” He’ll bow. “Oh? Do I have competition, in that case?” “Your speakers are suboptimal (he pokes her freckles), but you possess what Alexa lacks.” “And that would be?” He’ll gather her close, smiling against her lips. “My heart.” :D cutest robot I ever saw uwu

Bonus bc I have a problem: “Is stealing hearts in Alexa’s programming? Just to be safe, of course.” “I think it’s safe to say it isn’t within the parameters of her design--but that doesn’t mean you’re out of the woods just yet.” cue sounds of tickling and laughter

The other way Sebastian messes with MC is that he is an ENORMOUS tease in the bedroom. He’s very much the kind of lover that prefers to tantalize and draw things out; a long, slow seduction that will render MC immobile from the pleasure by the end. The promise of a kiss is almost always only a whisper of the feeling he intends to drown her in. Remember that Sebastian’s stoicism belies a nigh inhuman ardor and self-control. He’s more than willing to leave her wanting in order to fully capitalize on that desire later at night.

P = Pet Names (What does he like to call her?)

Other than her name? HE DOESN’T AHAAHAHAHAHA Just kidding of course, but given where he comes from pet names between couples aren’t...really a thing…(take it up with Japan, I Was Today Years Old, my sappy romantic ass would never survive)

The funny inverse of this though is that he does NOT fuck around with people that try to call MC pet names. When Arthur Tries It™ he canonically goes all steely saccharine, openly telling the others they’re together. So none of that “luv” or “doll” business, he will not have it (he won’t fight the purebloods on it because 1. they’re more like doting grandfathers than anything and 2. Sebastian does not have a death wish). If MC has a nickname of some kind, then I could see him using that or adding his own spin on it with a great deal of affection c:

U = Upset (How does he act when she’s upset?)

Whether he was the cause or not, Sebastian has a single modus operandi when his beloved is upset (and to anyone who’s upset really) and that is to offer gentle reassurance/an apology. He is very, very sensitive to the feelings of others and really takes it to heart when someone isn’t feeling well. That being said, he won’t always be overt about his concern--he’s more the type to do little things that offer constant support/reminders that he’s there for them. 

If it’s something more serious, he will do everything in his power to minimize the harm done and sooth the MC. His attempts to comfort her will be tender, muted, and consistent; prolonged hugs, doubles his offering of sweets, makes her favorite foods, gives her a relaxing bath salt to use--anything that he knows for certain will coax her lips up into a smile. He’s the type to freely offer space for her to figure things out if she needs it, but he will also be watchful; he won’t let things escalate if she needs externalized support to heal (bc lbr some problems we can’t solve alone ;-;).

His other go-to method is to offer distractions in any capacity that he can. Will offer to teach her a new recipe, or find a new type of flower he wants to plant together, or make up some kind of project he needs help with. Sometimes he’ll genuinely need the help, but most of the time he does it for the express purpose of getting her mind away from negative things and focused on him/the present. It’s hard to dwell on upsetting things when you’re body is physically demanding something else from you, even more so if it’s a fairly complex task. She’s known to be very dutiful; she’ll be so focused on doing a good job she’ll forget the sadness/irritation for a bit and the intensity of the emotion might ebb slightly.

If the issue is lighter, he’ll probably just cuddle/tickle her back to fighting spirit, pressing kisses wherever he can reach until she starts giggling. In these instances he prefers to hug her from behind, a reminder that she doesn’t have to face anything unpleasant or unnerving all on her own; he’ll always be there to hold her steady whenever she needs him. 

And rest assured, this man is always gathering data to optimize his comfort capabilities. He is incredibly adaptable, and will always be watching her reactions closely to adjust his strategies.

[joheun-saram]

To Make A Power Couple (knj) | 6

Chapter 6: Garlic Pasta and I miss you-s

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Summary- Namjoon visits his parents and Yoongi and Y/N bond over their past.

word count- 4.5k

pairing- idol!namjoon x ceo!reader

rating- R

genre- series, fluff, angst, action, slightly smutty, strangers2lovers

warnings- drinking, talk of mental health and panic attacks, violence, blood, stalker

a.n- sorry for this chapter being late! i had major burn out this last few weeks but I finally got it out. Tell me what you think!

taglist - @beach-bitch-bitch-beach, @sscheherazadee, @rjsmochii , @jinjccns​ , @joyful-jimin @sideblogger @agustdpeach @diamonddia-mond

---

“I hate you Kim Namjoon! Get out!”

Namjoon looks at you with an amused smile as he drops his bags at the door of your bedroom. You’re sitting in your bed, your comforter fully around you, even on top of your head, as you loudly blow your nose, some show blaring on the television. Even though he feels bad about passing on his cold to you, he can’t help but find your red nose and whining adorable. The past few months since Namjoon returned from tour had been few of the best you’d had in Korea. Although you both still had remarkably busy schedules, you had found a routine of spending time together at least once a week, usually ending your Saturdays together to spend as much of the Sunday together as possible. It didn’t matter how you spent your time, whether it was spent going out on dates or sitting silently reading or cuddling, all that mattered was that you were together. 

“Aw baby, I’m sorry!” He sat on the edge of the bed, wrapping his arms around your burittoed body. He kissed all over your face obnoxiously, much to your chagrin as you groaned and tried to get him off you, worried to get your snot on him. “Okay. Tell you what. I’ll cancel going to my parents and stay here to take care of you!” He punctuated that with another kiss on your lips. Hey, he’d already suffered through this cold, might as well take advantage of being able to be near you now.

“No! Shut up! You’re not cancelling.” Since things were slower at work, the company had decided to give Namjoon and the boys the week off. He had spent the first day with you, going to the most recent Ji Hye Yeom exhibit yesterday, and was going to go visit his family for the next four days. When Namjoon told you he was planning to spend the majority of his vacation with his parents, he was bracing himself for a negative reaction, a learned response from his previous relationship. His ex would always hate that he would visit his family for extended periods when he got time off and wouldn’t prioritize his relationship with her. He was surprised and relieved to hear you not only excited that he was visiting family but encouraging him to spend more time, upping his initial ask of two days to four. He liked that you always encouraged him to call his mom when he was on tour, as did his mom, so much so that she had started to say ‘my beautiful daughter’ whenever she referred to you in front of him.

Namjoon stood up as he watched you rant about the importance of visiting family, one arm out from your duvet heaven as you waved it about to emphasize your points. He almost giggled at how endearing you looked sniffling through your tirade, hair a mess and voice a little hoarse. Taking off his jeans to get comfortable, he chuckled at your wide eyes and dramatic gasp.

“No! We’re not having sex right now you maniac!” You whine as you lie down with the covers over your head. Namjoon gets into bed, pulling the comforter from over you to sneak inside, his arms snaking around your grumbling form to pull him to his chest. Although you complained, you snuggled into him, feeling the safe comfort that only Namjoon provided you.

“I just wanna nap with you before I leave.” He kissed the top of your head as he tangled your legs with his. You poked your head up from where it was hiding in his chest to look up at his smiling face as he cupped your cheek to place a chaste kiss on your lips. Caressing the skin once he leans away, he looks at you adoringly.  “Sorry for getting you sick, baby.”

----------------------------------

“Your boyfriend is a tyrant. Please never get sick again.” Yoongi took off his beanie and mask and shook his head to fluff his hair as you went through your phone to finish placing the order for takeout. After talking to Namjoon about how you had spent all of yesterday recovering, and even facetiming to ensure him that you were fit enough to be working again, he still didn’t believe you, forcing the only member of his band that was in Seoul during his vacation to make sure you were truly alright. You would be annoyed if your heart didn’t skip a beat at his overt concern. You were glad to spend time with Yoongi - he was pretty similar to you and you both had been slacking on hanging out lately. A few months ago you had decided to host a whiskey exchange where you would share bottles of your favourite liquor together, only for it to fall apart after two hangouts due to your busy schedules and Yoongi’s new relationship. It was nice to be in his company again, his mellow energy a great contrast to your usually loud friends.

“What did he say?” You question, laughing. Yoongi had called Namjoon many funny nicknames before but hearing him call him a tyrant made you laugh, picturing your boyfriend getting stern and demanding someone pay you a visit. 

“You wanna see?” Yoongi chuckled as he pulled his phone out, navigating to the group chat and handing it to you. You couldn’t help but smile as you read Namjoon pleading to the group to check in on you, asking if anyone was around. Yoongi said he was around but refused only to relent once the other boys pressured him and Namjoon pulled in a favour Yoongi owed him from 2015.

“Ooof. Honestly, it’s not that bad. Good to know Jungkook would literally kill for me though, and that you hate to hang out with me.” You threw an ice cube at him from where you were putting them in your glasses. 

“He wouldn’t. He’s just a suck up.” He dodged your attack, sticking his tongue out in triumph. “And you know I had to make Namjoon suffer a bit.”

Rolling your eyes at him as he smirked, you watched him pull out his bottle from his backpack. Your Craigellachie 16 no match for his Glenfiddich 30, you chastised him for buying such an expensive bottle for just the exchange. However, you were not going to say no to a glass of that and the two of you sat in a comfortable silence as you enjoyed your drinks. You were the first to break the silence. 

“How’s your bae?”

“Oh haven’t you heard? Bae is no more! Broke my heart and left me to suffer.” Yoongi scowled as he dramatically grabbed his chest, before downing his drink. If you didn’t know any better you would’ve thought he was joking but his usual deadpan was missing. 

“Shit… I’m sorry Yoongs.” You looked at him softly, making him scoff.

“It’s fine. Going to get a sick album out of this.” Yoongi waved you off, as he reached in his backpack again to bring out three bottles of soju. “Let’s get drunk!”

“That’s… one way of looking at things. You want to talk about it?” You knew he didn’t want to talk about it, it was probably still fresh and you didn’t want to impose but you wanted to give him the opportunity to share if he wanted to.

“Nah it’s fine. It was the usual anyways. ‘You’re always busy.’ ‘Why won’t you share your feelings with me?’ ‘Do you love me more or your career?’ I say good riddance.” He scoffed once again as he poured himself some more whiskey, sipping it blissfully.

“Well good to know you’re not hiding your pain.” You narrowed your eyes at him, but decided to get drunk with him anyways, taking up his offer to refill your glass. You had an extremely light day at work tomorrow with it being Friday and all, plus you knew that once Yoongi got drunk he would tell you how he was feeling. He was a very talkative drunk.

“Oh you know it. I’m nothing if not in touch with my feelings!”

Soon you and Yoongi were wasted, sitting on opposite ends of your couch as the television played the ‘important videos’ playlist on Youtube, laughing maniacally at each random short video that popped up. The food you had ordered was sitting on the coffee table, half eaten and getting cold. Having not heard Yoongi’s giggle in a while you looked away from the screen to see him staring into space, a slight frown on his lips.

“Dude. You good?” You poked him with your foot to break him out of his thoughts.

“Yeah. Sorry just realized I’m single again. Fuck.” He looked at you with wide eyes, as if he had just had an epiphany. You frowned at him, sad that he was feeling this way. In the past six months, you had come to learn that although Yoongi often talked about how much he loved being alone, in reality he put a lot of pressure on himself to find someone to be with.

“You know you’re worth more than a relationship, right?” You placed your hand on his, smiling reassuringly.

“Don’t go all Dr. Phil on me. I’m not that sad. It was like two months but it felt nice to call someone mine, you know?” He rolled his eyes at your concern, but held your hand tighter as he finished his sentence, averting his gaze with a melancholic look. He looked at you again sighing. “How did you get over your last breakup?”

“Um… not healthily. I almost sold my company.”

And so for the next hour, you told Yoongi of how messed up your previous relationship had made you. You don’t think you had talked about it in depth about your breakup with Beomseok for years now, but somehow drunk off extremely expensive whiskey and extremely cheap soju it felt natural to share the details about your most toxic relationship with Yoongi. Beomseok and you met when you were initially still in Canada, visiting Seoul in hopes of expanding. You were busy and he tried to help you as you adjusted to a new country, but as your relationship grew so did his tendency to ensure you relied on him. As hard as it was to admit to Yoongi, Beomseok had made you dependent on him, so much so that when he left you after two years of you accommodating him, you broke down. You started having terrible anxiety, using alcohol and cigarettes to take the edge off. Panic attacks became the norm so much so that you had contemplated leaving your position. You couldn’t see your friends, worked from home, and just buried yourself away. It took half a year of self destructive behaviour and for you to wake up in a bed with someone you didn’t remember to knock some sense into you and get yourself into therapy. Yoongi then talked about his own relationship issues, the two of you bonding over your struggles with mental health and shitty coping mechanisms. It was weird to think that Yoongi hadn’t been one of your close friends before this night.

It was around two in the morning by the time Yoongi left and you felt the emotions of the night catch up to you. You hadn’t thought about Beomseok in years, and thinking about him made you feel extremely sad for past you. You didn’t deserve how he treated you and you wished you could go back in time and shake some sense into yourself, and save the heartbreak. Lying in bed, drunk and emotional, you mourned for your old self and her faith in the world. However, looking at your phone you saw the photo of you and Namjoon - him standing behind you with his arm on your shoulder as he pretends to take a bite off your cheek as you grimace - and you were reminded that you were in a much better place now with a much better man. To say you looked forward to Namjoon returning tomorrow would be an understatement.

----------------------------------

Namjoon: I’m back!!!

Namjoon: I miss you!!!

Namjoon: Come over!!!

Namjoon: I’m cooking for you!!!

Y/N: Um… should I call poison control now or later?

Namjoon: I’m back after almost a week and this is the welcome I get?

Y/N: Babeeeee you know I love you!

Namjoon: Prove it. Eat the pasta I’m making

Y/N: Did anyone at least help you cook it?

Namjoon: IT’S GOING TO BE GOOD. COME OVER.

Y/N: Ok ok. No need to yell...

Namjoon: Good. See you in an hour?

Namjoon: I’m at the dorms btw

Y/N: See you soon jooooooonie

Y/N: I miss you too btw

Namjoon: I love you too btw

You punched the code to the dorm and were greeted by a very excited Moni as you entered. The white dog jumping up at your legs, his tail wagging wildly behind him. You bent down in the entryway to give him a few scratches behind his ears, cooing and calling him a good boy. 

“All this love for Moni, what about Joonie? I’m a good boy too!” You heard Namjoon shout out as you made your way through the large living room towards the kitchen, Moni playfully following. 

“Aww is my good boy jealous?” You set your eyes on your boyfriend huddled over a cutting board, concentrating hard on cutting what seemed to be garlic, his jaw set. Namjoon was dressed in a blue overalls under which he wore a black sweater, the hood atop his head, the hair of which was now back to his natural dark brown, his nose scrunched as he attempted to keep his glasses from slipping. You don’t know if it was not seeing him for a while or the fact that he looked so cuddly, but you felt butterflies, your stomach somersaulting. You hadn’t felt them since the beginning of your relationship, and you were a bit unnerved that he still had that effect on you six months later. 

“Holy shit. You look like a hot minion!” You almost yelled as you walked towards him, startling him enough to look at you with wide eyes under his black rimmed glasses and yelp.

“Don’t scare me like that! I almost cut my hand off!” He tried to glare at you but was soon smiling widely as you ducked under his arm to stand directly in front of him between the counter, putting your arms around his neck as you pulled him into a kiss. It felt amazing to have his plush lips against yours again, his familiar scent enveloping your senses till it felt like you were drunk off of him. 

“I missed you,” you whispered against his lips. Your hands found your elbows as you pulled him in closer and deepened the kiss, making him moan, his tongue massaging yours as his hands went to your hips, pulling you to him. Before you could lose all your senses you felt a sharp poke on your lower back, and you reluctantly pulled away to look behind you.

“Joonie! You’re still holding the knife!” You said in alarm as his eyes widened again and he dropped it on the counter immediately before looking at you sheepishly and apologizing. “Control yourself. I don’t want to spend the night in the hospital!”

“Then stop distracting me! Go sit there and watch me make you the best pasta of your life.” He smirked and his eyes followed as you moved around the island to sit at the stool, bending down to pet Moni as he settled at your feet. Namjoon knew he was a terrible cook, but he had spent the time at home perfecting this recipe, subjecting his mom to the first few horrible tries, till he figured it out. It was a simple five ingredient dish but it was the first he’d learn and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t want to impress you. You always cooked for him, from experimental recipes you had found online to traditional Korean food that was second best only to his mom’s, and though he was always happy to do the dishes, he wanted your reunion to be special. He cooked almost quietly, blushing slightly at your words and looks of encouragement, plating it like restaurants would before placing it on the dining table and sitting next to you with a bottle of wine, anticipating your reaction.

“What the fuck? You can cook!” you exclaim as you dig in for another bite. Namjoon lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding as he grinned at his success, finally digging into his meal. “I love the garlic. But damn, is this your way of telling me you don’t wanna kiss tonight?”

“Baby, I find even your gross morning breath irresistible, a little garlic’s not gonna stop me.” he laughed and you scowled at him, nudging him with your shoulder, as he leaned over to peck your lips. You weren’t trying to placate Namjoon, this pasta was absolutely delicious, the right amount of seasoning and everything. It warmed your heart that despite his firestarter tendencies he went through the effort to make you a home cooked meal.

As you ate, you talked about your days apart. You recovered from your cold within a day and had been back at work, and even though he scolded you for going back too fast Namjoon loved the way your eyes lit up when you talked about how you had managed to renew a contract with a client today, switching the period from their usual 1 year to 5 years. You had been working on this for a whole month, taking it upon yourself to attend meetings with not only the directors of this company but even the interns. He squealed with you at your success, high-fiving you and finding your excitement extremely adorable. You also talked about how after two bottles of soju Yoongi had finally admitted you were now his closest female friend and he agreed that you both should now tease him about it relentlessly.

Namjoon told you about how excited everyone was to have him home for that extended period of time, and how healing it was to be around them after the cacophony of tour. Apparently his sister had recently started learning how to make loom bracelets and he showed off the purple one on his wrist, telling you about how he had a matching one for you in his bag. Namjoon looked refreshed and you were glad you convinced him to spend the extra time home. He had also managed to bring back another bonsai tree to add to his collection, taking the time to explain how in a few years he could potentially tap the mini maple for some syrup. The image of your clumsy boyfriend trying to tap a tiny tree made you laugh. As the conversation continued and you both finished your food, you saw his mood dip a little. You silently lean forward cupping his face, as he nuzzles into your touch.

“My beautiful, hardworking boy. What’s wrong?” You coo with a soft smile on your face as your thumbs stroked his cheekbones and he pouts exaggeratedly before his hands go around your waist pulling you into his lap.

“I missed you.” He whispers as he nuzzles his face in your chest, his arms tightening around you. Namjoon felt cocooned in your sweet floral vanilla scent, and even though he’d been home just this morning, this felt like home too - just being in your embrace. He felt his heart swell with adoration as you stroked his hair slowly, whispering affirmations into his ear, slowly forgetting his worries about not spending enough time with you. 

Usually when you both met after being apart, it was all desperation to get naked, but for the first time this felt much more intimate. He could hear your heartbeat and it soothed him. He suddenly envisioned both of you old and weathered in each other’s arms and he couldn’t fight the grin that made it on his face. He showered you in kisses, moving from your chest to your neck to your jaw and finally to your lips, where he stayed, kissing you firmly as his arms wind tighter around your waist. You lost yourself in his touch, wanting nothing more to be consumed by him as you tugged lightly at his hair, swallowing his moans. Before things could escalate you get startled by a loud thud. 

“Wow! Right where we eat!” Jimin clicked his tongue in disapproval, as you both sheepishly stared at him. 

“Noona!” Jungkook exclaimed as he came over to Namjoon and you, dragging you into a hug as he kissed the top of both of your heads. The two men seemed overly excited, and as Namjoon explained to you how he thought he was alone in the dorms tonight since no one has been around in weeks, the two interrupted to say that they had come to start a movie marathon, hoping to stay up all night since they had the day off tomorrow to marathon the Batman franchise as they had a bet going on as which one was the best.

“Do you guys want to join us?” Jimin asked politely as he munched on leftover pasta on the table. You excitedly opened your mouth to speak but before you could get a word out, Namjoon looked at you sternly.

“Nope.” He refused the boys as he looked at you, leaning in close to whisper in your ear before he nipped at it. “Baby, ignore your obsession with Batman. I want my dessert.” His voice was a few octaves lower than usual and his words made you shiver, a blush creeping up your face as a nervous giggle escaped your lips. Maybe you could skip rewatching these old movies, just once.

Bidding a quick goodbye to the boys and ignoring their smirks, you both made your way to Namjoon’s room. As soon as you were out of sight, Namjoon pulled you into another kiss, slotting your lower lip between his, making your heart race as he walked you down the hallway towards his room. You almost tripped over his bags haphazardly strewn in front of his door.

“Sorry, didn’t have time to go to my room yet.” He chuckled against your lips as his grip on your hips stabilized you. You giggled as you turned around to open his door, his lips on your neck instantaneously as he rubbed his growing bulge against your butt. His touch had you breathless as you moved in his room, Moni following closely behind you. Removing himself from you he picked up his dog and moved him outside murmuring an apology to the whining canine as he shut the door.

Without wasting any time, he pinned you against the door, your makeout session getting heavy. Your eyes were screwed shut as you mewled, his lips along your neck igniting a fire in you. Your hands moved from his hair to the buckles of his overalls, snapping them off as they fell to the ground unceremoniously. “Oh look! Easy access!” you exclaimed as he smiled against your skin.

His lips met yours again, his hands kneading the flesh of your sides under your shirt. You could kiss him like this forever, the way his tongue explores your mouth as if he doesn’t already know every crevice of your body, as if he’s worshipping you. His kiss slows down, turning from a sloppy fiery heat to intentional moves made to make you moan as he moves you towards the bed, dropping you to the middle as soon as your knees hit the back of the bed. He stands above you removing his shirt with one hand as you move backwards and soon he’s slotting himself between you. 

“Fuck I love you.” He whispers as he kisses your cheek, moving towards your ear. You moan loudly as he grinds against you. Your hands run over his back, feeling the muscles as he continues to kiss your neck, biting it before soothing it with wide licks of his tongue. You used to be embarrassed by the marks he left behind but somehow as time passed you craved them. Jiyoung had even nicknamed him your vampire, and you’d be lying if that didn’t make you giddy. 

Realizing you were still fully dressed you pushed at his chest, making him lie next to you as you straddled him, one of your knees almost slipping off the edge of the bed. You giggle at your clumsiness as he holds your hips to steady you and you slowly unbutton your shirt. As your skin becomes visible he runs his hands up your stomach to your chest, squeezing each breast as he reaches your neck before pulling your face to his. 

“Mhmm… my pretty girl.” He almost growls as he pulls you into another heated kiss, his hands cupping your face as you grind on him. Suddenly you feel a tug at your hair, making you moan into his mouth, breaking the kiss. Before you know it you are on the floor, laughing at your clumsiness as you see his confused face, eyes still closed, lips puckered.

However, your laughter dies as you hear a loud screech. That’s when you feel that your hair was still being tugged as you looked up to see a tall, bulky woman, probably in her late thirties calling you a slut. Before you can even register what is happening you feel a sharp pain across your face as you realize you’ve just been punched. You taste the iron before you notice drops of bright red on your chest. 

You cup your nose with one hand as you hear chaos ensue. Namjoon yelling your name as Moni barks loudly outside the room. You are aware that you are still lying on the floor but your eyes refuse to open as you hear scuffling before the door being slammed and Jungkook’s voice. 

Everything’s a blur and you hear a loud blood curdling scream. Before you can register that that noise came from your mouth you hear your arm snap just as the most pain you have ever felt in your life turns your arm numb. You don’t remember much after, only grunts and shouts of your name. The last thing you hear is Namjoon’s voice calling your name repeatedly as he holds your head.

------

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[garetthawke]

okay so. just to let tumblr know what is going on with twitter wrt the she-ra ending and what's blowing up on lesbian twitter, someone made a post celebrating canon sapphic couples, with she-ra, korra, adventure time, and steven universe.

then this fucking asshole made this comment on it:

...which was followed up by this comment of the asshole below him.

[a twitter retweet with the comment "girl on girl is the safest and laziest LGBT representation" by twitter user TroyVaderInk, with a comment below from twitter user UnHolySpork that says "its almost like they are completely fetishizing lesbian relationships and also completely ignoring that lesbian relationships are most often extremely abusive. EXTREMELY."]

and the overt lesbophobia is enough to be mad about, obviously. but this is getting under my skin for more than that, too.

so, contextually, the discussion these people thought they were having was pointing out how seriously hard it is to get m/m couples on a show like this. however, the conversation had instead was this extremely offensive mess.

the original comment does a few things here, 1 being the complete erasure and dismissal of the struggle LGBT people have had actually getting these f/f couples on screen.

2, acting like these four children's cartoons are somehow elevating wlw representation to straight representation by pitting mlm rep against them vs against het couples, rather than acknowledging both facts: that four shows of minor, one-to-none kiss rep is pathetically low, AND that mlm rep is pretty much nonexistent in media like this.

and 3, he used the phrase "girl on girl" like a goddamned porn category, implying his opinion on the apparent "easiness" and "laziness" of sapphic couples is in fact informed by and probably counting fetishistic lesbian porn made for straight men.

(this man also spent a good deal of time on twitter antagonizing lesbians who called him out, many of them teenagers, some by saying some sexist shit and defending it with utterly stereotypical sexist responses, and he had added to his callout, a post of him referring to a sapphic character with the d slur, so feel free to go report him.)

the second comment here chimes in with an almost hilariously hypocritical assertation that a) these sweet, canon wlw couples on CHILDREN'S shows are (somehow) fetishistic (for existing at all i guess??) and that b) most lesbian relationships are (somehow) abusive; which is besides the point of this post, but still one of the most hurtful and damaging things said in this thread. there is an additional comment of hers (not shown) below this one that clarifies that is what she meant.

in any case, this drove me up a fucking WALL.

because while the initial point here - that media creators are still too scared to show boys as much as even holding hands in shows like this - has a lot of validity to it, it was posed at the utter expense of lesbians, and requires of heavy dose of hypocrisy to follow through in that way.

because while media is still scarce on similar mlm rep, fandom is literally DOMINATED by it. to the point that many lesbians, including myself, have said we can't find a safe space within it ANYWHERE. I've had to drop out of active participation in SO MANY fandoms i previously loved, because the entire fandom was reduced down to thirsting after and fetishizing men in the fandom, particularly in m/m format.

there is overt hostility towards lesbians in fandom spaces when we express our discomfort over this, and to boot f/f often gets ignored or mistreated by the same people, so it only adds to our discomfort and alienation.

these 4 shows have hardly put a dent in that. they are very meagre representation at best, save maybe steven universe on a technicality, because the rest are all end-of-show or even post-show confirmations, and all of these shows have about 1-2 kisses each, if even that. pathetic stats when compared to m/f couples. it has not made fandom that much of an easier place to be as a lesbian, but i am nontheless INCREDIBLY thankful they exist nonetheless.

the hypocrisy is hard, because as a lesbian the most we are often offered is blatant fetishization, so wlw media that literally DOESN'T do that, coming from lgbt people, is incredibly important. anything that is normalizing is desperately needed.

and yet this person calls what little bit of non fetishistic media we have fetishistic, underneath a fetishizing comment about them, decrying it existing because of claimed fetishization - all in the name of speaking up about mlm rep, which is, within fandom, actually JUST as fetishized, if not more.

and it breaks my fucking heart as much as it enrages me, because this COULD have been a valuable discussion. we could have talked about the fact that mlm have yet to get similar representation to this, likely mostly due to toxic masculinity. but instead these posts used that as merely an excuse, the afterthought to tearing down lesbians and this wlw rep.

and all this to say: it literally doesn't matter how valid your original point is; if you build it on a foundation of hatred and bigotry, it loses all credibility, and destroys the desire for anyone to put in discussion about it. talking about mlm rep under a heavy blanket of lesbophobia will get you nowhere except on a lot of shit lists, unless you WANT to align with general homophobes; but i promise you they will care even less about the plight of mlm rep, save for, oh how ironic, cases of fetishization.

if you look at four, yes the whole FOUR shows sapphics got of representation like this, and your follow through logic is that sapphic rep is thus "easy" and "lazy," you are clearly lesbophobic already and have no ground to start with.

the clashing, hypocritical combination of ideas here that bizarrely imply that both a) fetishized lesbians count as rep, and b) that lesbian rep shouldn't be there because it's fetishized, do not create a cohesive starting point for a discussion of lack of mlm rep, and conveniently ignores the endless bounds of fetishization that is involved with m/m couples in fandom; which means none of it is actually about fetishization at all. it's about these couples being sapphic.

the fact that these two people are bi, people from within our own community, makes this hurt all the worse. lesbophobia is so goddamned pervasive among us that even when we should be fucking celebrating this factually rare achievement of rep, instead people are tearing down lesbians, both characters and real people.

it's disgusting, disheartening, and it's something we need to pay attention to so we can call it out and make it abundantly clear that it will not be tolerated or normalized.

the height of offensive irony is calling us "safe" when this is what we get just over an episode of a cartoon showing two girls kiss.

[movienotesbyzawmer]

October 24: Friday the 13th Part VI - Jason Lives

(previous notes: Friday the 13th - A New Beginning)

This, my fortunate acquaintances, is my lovingly prepared gift to you. These words, composed from the heart with precious little advance preparation, are meant to reflect my sincere and scholarly reactions to the Friday the 13th slasher movies of Hollywood, America.

So yeah, I'm watching the Friday the 13th movies and posting my extemporaneous (though cleaned up a bit after the fact) notes. We're at the sixth movie in the series. I caught some of this on cable when I was in high school and I remember telling people it was the worst movie of all time, even though I probably only watched a half-hour middle chunk of it. It's probably much, much better than I'd given it credit for. It's probably so good. It is probably so god damned good. My upper lip is trembling as I engage the “play” functionality on my movie playing device.

So far my favorite thing about it is that it's on the same disc as the previous movie so I didn't have to change discs. Ooh, I bet that means it isn't too long either!

It starts with some quick, effective exposition. It's Tommy and a friend of his, driving somewhere. It's not even the same actor that played Tommy last time, but they are very clear with the dialogue that they have sneaked out of the institution to go to Jason's grave and "send him to hell". The friend has clownish mannerisms. Whenever they want us to think someone's funny, they don't actually use creativity to generate humor. Someone just tells someone to behave the way funny people behave.

Ooh, they came to Jason's grave and dug it up. They open the coffin and hoo boy that is a very maggoty, wormy corpse.

Remember, Jason wasn't even in the last movie in a he's-real way. So the last we saw of him was when younger-Tommy killed him all by himself two movies ago. The acting by this Tommy actor guy is effectively conveying that that was a big deal for him.

Oh my god, the movie just got way worse. In a Shakespearean moment of passion, Tommy stabs the corpse of Jason with a spear-rod-thing that was in the graveyard. But lightning strikes it and it reanimates Jason! Other than being very rot-faced behind the hockey mask, Jason is now the same old Jason we've come to know and love. Clownish guy tries to club him, but Jason just shoves his boney arm through Clownish Guy's body really easily. Tommy runs away…

…and two fast movie references happen. For some reason, a music cue uses that same memorable theme that was used in The Shining that's actually something else; the idea clearly is "we'll use the Shining music in here". It’s Beethoven or something, right? But also, the title happens and is an overt lampooning of the openings of the James Bond series. The whole looking through the gun sight thing, but it's Jason throwing a machete instead of James Bond shooting his gun. This movie comparing itself to those movies is pretty haughty.

Tommy goes to the police, and they don't care what he says, he's trouble! They lock him up! I don't think he mentioned that his friend got killed.

Now a middle-class-looking couple is driving through the woods. The guy is played by Tony Goldwyn whose career as an actor and director has risen well above this movie. Wasn't he like the main guy on the show Scandal? Anyway, he doesn't last long in this movie; Jason blocks their way and stabs the car, and then stabs TG, and then stabs the girl. With a spear, each of them. Probably the one that helped reanimate him.

Uh oh, the cop who locked up Tommy has a daughter who is in a group of camp counselors! They're going to go be camp counselors at a nearby camp! They are flip about the legendary murders! No one will listen to Tommy!

0:19:55 - Here's a twist… the counselors get to the camp and continue to joke dismissively about murder… and a bus arrives full of children! This movie is going to take place when the kids are actually at the camp! We haven't seen that before. Why did I ever say anything bad about this movie.

Nearby there are some corporate business people playing paintball as a work retreat! Jason is watching them. Ch. Ha. One of them we never even see speak to anyone runs into Jason and Jason kills him by grabbing him by the arm and throwing him face first into a tree so hard that his face just liquefies, plus the arm comes off.

So here's what happens next - a group of three paintballers gets killed by Jason who just shows up in front of them and machetes them all in one swipe. But nearby there is another paintballer who we saw a little bit before, and he is a comically bumbling buffoon. Like, when they cast him, they got the ten nerdiest looking men they could find and told them to all act as bumblingly foolish as possible, and they cast the one who was the most bumblingly foolish. But he gets away.

The plot kind of stays around Jason's grave because the gravedigger had come upon the disturbed grave and cleaned it up. He muttered a monologue about making sure no one thought he was a bad gravedigger. Now this movie is comparing itself to Hamlet. So now Tommy tries to convince the cop/dad that his story about Jason is true... but the grave is normal looking and that contradicts Tommy’s story. What a disaster for Tommy. But that gravedigger sure saved face.

0:30:00 - Now it's nighttime and some people are in the woods. There's this new couple, which includes a guy played by a TV personality named Roger Rose that I recognized when I saw this scene back then. It is stunt casting, and yet he is an extremely obscure personality for us in 2020. But also the gravedigger is just wandering in the woods all drunk. Jason kills them all. He's just been using the machete; there's no ingenuity about death types on these last ones. And they're just quick scares. Just kind of unremarkable. Part of what you’re looking forward to if you like these movies is the revelation of how he kills someone, but we’re missing out on so much of that sweet joy.

We return to the camp and see the kids asleep in their barracks. I so dare you to convince me that there is a better word than “barracks” for this room full of kid beds. Anyway, one of the kids, age approximately 7, had fallen asleep reading No Exit by Jean-Paul Sartre! What kind of nutty Friday the 13th movie is this anyway.

Young couple doing an odd sex dance to 80s music in an RV. Perfect fodder for Jason. Ch ch ch ch ch! Ha ha ha ha ha! Jason cuts the power cord to the RV so they can't do their sex bop. They are afraid so they drive away, but Jason is inside! The guy is driving and reveling in the fact that he chose loud rock music to listen to as they drive away, but Jason kills the girl by pressing her face so hard into the wall of the RV that it makes an imprint. Then he kills the guy, still driving the car, with a knife right through the head. Very quick edits, minimal gore. The RV overturns but Jason emerges triumphantly.

News of the last bunch of murders has already reached DadCop, and he concludes that Tommy is doing murders in a Jason-esque manner just to "prove" that "Jason" is "real". You can't fool DadCop; he has seen it all before.

One thing I remember noticing back in the 80s is that Jason was invariably shot in a very stark, non-dramatic way. Just a character like the other ones. He's not shadowy or mysterious. Earlier movies achieved more tension by doing POV shots instead of just regular he-is-walking shots.

Tommy and Daughter had a conversation on the phone that sets up that the two of them are going to collaborate on Tommy's plan. Daughter is pretty committed, but also her whole attitude is inappropriately amused. She's smiling about everything like "ooh fun what exciting hijinks are we getting into, whatever it is I'm game".

One of Daughter's counselor friends just got killed. Jason pulled her through the window from outside and twisted her head right off her body. I think Jason is stronger than he's been in other movies.

Daughter and Tommy totally get busted by her father. She thought she could get away with going somewhere but DadCop is too smart for her. No going-somewhere for you, Daughter!

For a second there we saw Jason skulking around the actual sleeping kids, but then he is seen skulking somewhere else. A Little Blond Girl seems to be a little observant about creepy goings-on so she has been complaining, and Jason keeps an eye on that situation ch ch ch ha ha ha.

0:56:45 - Hey, I like this couple of shots! A counselor is reassuringly tucking Little Blond Girl in, and as she stands up, Jason is watching them through the window. Right next to her and very big and visible, but the counselor isn’t facing the window, so she doesn’t see him. She walks through the room and we see Jason through other windows following her, they did a good job.

A couple of minutes of spooky, decently-filmed suspense happens as that counselor is alone and worried. That ends with Jason coming in and Jasoning her. A smear of blood appears on a window, and a moment later her body gets thrown through it in a way that truly looks icky.

Tommy and Daughter came up with a cunning plan to bust out of jail and continue working on Tommy's End Jason Once And For All project. We see the movie's attempt to give them romantic tension, and although it isn't very good, I've probably seen worse. I've seen a lot of movies. I've seen I Love Trouble.

DadCop and two deputies get to the camp just in time because the kids are now without any counselors. The two deputies go separately to search the grounds and one of them gets killed with an arrowhead or something like that in the head, Jason flings it with admirable precision at his forehead. The other one actually found Little Blond Girl who tells him about the scary man. Then the scary man is there! The deputy shoots Jason several times from just a foot away but nothing happens to Jason. Jason grabs the deputy's head and just smooshes it. This exact thing has happened to me several times.

DadCop comes upon Jason and shoots him with a shotgun. That causes Jason to lie down on the ground for 1.5 seconds, then get back up again. DadCop tries this several more times with the same results, then runs away.

The kids are scared and hiding, but one of them has a couple of uninspired wisecracks that I could type out here for you but my fingers won't let me, they know I would regret it, they know me so well these fingers.

Also Tommy and Daughter have arrived and seem to not be unified about how to proceed. While they are working through that difficulty, Jason found DadCop and killed him by folding him at the waist in a way that honestly probably wouldn't be immediately fatal but it looks so awkward that you'd probably just want to be dead, just think how people would stare.

Tommy is on a boat trying to lure Jason into the actual lake where he had drowned, and he has a chain-plus-boulder contraption that he has prepared for the occasion. Also part of the plan involves drizzling some gasoline onto the surface of the water and lighting it. Jason walks into the middle of the lake toward him and Tommy lights the lake on fire. That must be possible because I'm seeing it with my own eyes.

After using their arm limbs to flail at each other, Tommy actually succeeds in throwing the chain-boulder-thing around Jason and anchoring him to the bottom of the lake! But somehow he can't extricate himself from Jason's grasp and very quickly drowns. Also the boat broke in half.

Daughter swims over there to try to save Tommy and Jason grabs at her while still anchored. A series of deliberately unrevealing angles makes it look like she can, and does, start up the boat engine and kill Jason with the propeller. She then drags Tommy to shore and saves him.

But Jason is still anchored down there, we see, and he's alive and looking at the stuff that is in front of his face. That's the end of the movie! I think they sincerely hope that you had a good time watching it, and also they sincerely don't mind if you don't ever think about it again for the rest of your life.

(next: Friday the 13th Part VII - The New Blood)

[tomfooleryprime]

I love Sarek. But he’s really not that great.

Sarek and Amanda are my favorite couple, not just in Star Trek, but ever. I’ve written more than half a million words of fanfiction about them. I’ve watched episodes featuring them so many times I secretly worry Netflix will put me on blast.

But I am not a Sarek apologist.

I’m pretty sure what draws most people to this couple is the age-old romantic notion that opposites may attract but the power of love can overcome anything. Cue cheesy instrumental music and a torrid kiss in the rain at a train station. I imagine a lot of women see themselves in Amanda, a seemingly regular woman with a regular life. Then they see a successful guy like Sarek, a dude who’s physically fit, well-educated, powerful, and absurdly intelligent, and it’s only natural that a recipe for hotness is born.

Because I’ve devoted literally years to dreaming up various ways this couple might have shacked up and vomiting the results all over AO3, I’ve also been forced to examine the personalities of both characters in great detail, and the only consistent conclusion I come to is fanon (myself included) gets it wrong most of the time.

Their marriage can’t have always been smooth sailing. If you’re not willing to believe me, then believe Amanda. 

Oh sure, there are tons of one-shots where they have little spats, but they almost always end with both of them making heart eyes at each other and jumping into bed. I get that Star Trek originated in the 1960s, but that doesn’t mean Sarek and Amanda had one of those “golly gee” wholesome relationships that could put Ward and June Cleaver to shame. 

Whichever version of Sarek you personally subscribe to, be it Mark Lenard, Ben Cross, or James Frain, it’s entirely possible to find the actors attractive but still think the character of Sarek could use some improvement. It’s also possible to love a character and admire their good qualities while being disappointed in their shortcomings. Maybe it makes me a shitty fangirl. Maybe it makes me realistic.

Literally decades of fanfiction and fan art have polished over Sarek’s unprettier bits, often portraying him as a hopeless romantic, a tender lover, a devoted father, and a man fiercely dedicated to his wife. I’m not going to argue each of those is patently false—hell, as a fanfiction writer, I’ve bought into some of those tropes myself—but I think some are truer than others. Let’s examine the canon.  

When we first meet him in “Journey to Babel,” he’s callous and aloof. He’s Vulcan, I get it, more on that later. But seriously, the guy has a habit of summoning his wife and acts like he doesn’t even know his own damn son. No one should be standing up to enthusiastically applaud and hand the man a husband or father-of-the-year trophy. Even Amanda seems pretty resigned to the arrangement.

I already know what the pushback to this assertion will be. He’s Vulcan! You can’t judge a Vulcan by human standards! Well, his wife is human and one of his sons is half-human, so I would argue that it should at least be an option, but I wrote a whole other essay on Star Trek’s moral relativism problem. 

Long story short, Star Trek glosses over a lot of moral and ethical dilemmas by using the argument, “Who are we to judge a culture we’re not part of?” I can’t answer that, but I will say someone once gave me a great piece of advice that I think applies to this idea of moral relativism: no person’s belief is inherently worthy of respect, but every person is. Maybe to understand Sarek as a person, we should look first at Sarek as a Vulcan.

Obviously Sarek subscribes to Vulcan philosophy, and while Vulcan philosophy seems pure as hell with its pacifism and its belief in embracing Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations (IDIC), I’m going to assert the Vulcan adherence to that philosophy seems to be a little lunch counter in nature. Yes, they take two scoops of resting bitch face and they’ll pass on the extra helping of tolerance. Sarek hails from a culture that is ostensibly exclusionary, sexist, and xenophobic in its practices.

When we encounter Vulcans in Enterprise, they’re people who mock humans for being too volatile, go to war with their Andorian neighbors, and aggressively purge the Syrranites for wanting to get back to the true meaning of Surak. But you might say, but that was before the Federation! They got better when they put T’Pau in charge.

Really? When we meet them next in the chronological timeline in Discovery, they’re telling Sarek they’ll only admit one of his weird social science pet projects (or as Sarek calls them, his kids) to the Vulcan Expeditionary Group.

In the Discovery episode “Light and Shadows,” Amanda reveals that Spock had a learning disability as a young child, which clearly embarrassed Sarek. Sadder still? Amanda explains there didn’t seem to be any educators on Vulcan willing to help a half-Vulcan child with a human learning disability. 

In the alternate timeline, when Spock applies to the Vulcan Science Academy, the admissions folks give him a pat on the back for achieving so much, despite his great disadvantage of having a human mom. Replace the word “human” with any religious, racial, or ethnic group, and see how you still feel about that sentence. 

Yes, Vulcans have racists and nationalists just like the rest of us and it doesn’t seem like they’re a rare breed either. Sarek is clearly attempting to be a better Vulcan, so kudos to him. However, not being an overt racist is not synonymous with sainthood. 

It’s pretty obvious throughout canon that while Sarek loves his wife, he’s uncomfortable with humanity, and he’s doubly perplexed with the humanity she imparted in their son. She even directly accuses him of never truly respecting humanity, to which he replies:

Which, let’s be honest, sounds like the rough equivalent of the “I can’t be racist because I have a black friend” defense. So many things in canon point to Sarek being utterly baffled by humans, not cutely intrigued by them as so often seen in fanon. The only time Spock and Sarek seem chummy with each other is when they’re mocking Amanda’s human emotionalism in “Journey to Babel.” Whether or not he meant to (and he definitely meant to), Sarek raised a son who saw his human half as a thing to be overcome.

Discovery has also hammered a lot of nails into the affectionate father coffin. Up until the final episode in season 1, he never called Michael his daughter and instead referred to her as his ward. It’s nice that he finally got over that technical distinction, but it doesn’t exactly conjure up the image of him tucking her into bed and giving her a kiss on the forehead.

He seems to accept her humanity because, well, she is human, but his own son’s humanity isn’t ok? Not like it matters, because his plan was to mold Michael into a Vulcan-like human anyway, which is pretty weird when you think about it. At one point, Michael tells Sarek she knows he must have considered the effect a Vulcan education and lifestyle might have on a human child, but she wants to know what he wanted Spock to learn from the experience of having a human sibling. His reply?

Which is... nice? He doesn’t say the only reason he took Michael in was for her to be his son’s empathy tutor, but he does essentially admit he was worried Spock was becoming too much of a momma’s boy. So the theory that Sarek was just scooping up orphans all over the galaxy like some kind of Vulcan Angelina Jolie doesn’t seem accurate. It gives the distinct impression that even Sarek thought of his hodge-podge brood as an experiment, at least to a degree.

Now, some may argue that Sarek never told Spock that he had to follow Surak’s teachings, which is true-ish. But that’s like telling a kid, “You don’t have to believe in Jesus” and then sending them to a Christian school in the heart of the Bible belt. What decision did he imagine his son would choose when he decided to raise him on Vulcan and stand by when other kids beat him up for not being Vulcan enough?

Seriously, Spock was almost guaranteed to turn out one of two ways: either he would just try harder to out-Vulcan everyone, which he did, or he would give logic the middle finger, which, well, is the option Sybok chose to run with. 

Despite fanfiction and fanart imagining him as this really hands-on parent who changes diapers and decorates baked goods (yes, I wrote a story like this and I’m calling myself out), he admits he’s the kind of dad who works late in the evenings, not the kind that reads stories at bedtime. 

It’s also no secret that as a parent, Sarek holds grudges. In “Journey to Babel,” Amanda confesses that Sarek and Spock haven’t spoken as father and son for eighteen years. In “Brother,” Michael asks Sarek when the last time he spoke to Spock was and he concedes it’s been years. In “Light and Shadows,” he’s clearly [Vulcan] pissed that Amanda is harboring a fugitive, who also just so happens to be his own son.

Is Sarek just that logical that he believes in justice even at a high personal price, or is he embarrassed that his own estranged son has been accused of murder and appears to be in the clutches of a mental breakdown? As far as I can tell, it might just be a little bit of both. 

Then there’s the idea that Sarek is a caring and devoted husband. Is there actually any evidence for this in canon, other than he was married to Amanda and had a family with her? Lots of people are married and have kids and don’t have a relationship that would rival that annoying couple on This is Us. 

Their relationship doesn’t seem like an equal partnership based on compromise, but rather one where Sarek does what he damn well pleases and Amanda follows along as a dutiful wife. 

Amanda gave up a lot of things to be with him: her home, her culture, and potentially even her own son’s well-being. The woman went to extremes for love not even witnessed on the Bachelor, and why?

In some contexts, that sounds like the powerful kind of love and devotion that epic-poems would be based on. In other contexts, it sounds almost like a pathological self-martyrdom. Did Sarek ever fully appreciate her sacrifices? It’s hard to say, but if he did, I doubt he ever voiced his appreciation. 

In his later years, when Sarek is losing his mind due to an age-related degenerative disease and he mind melds with Captain Picard, he tearfully muses (as Picard), “Amanda. I wanted to give you so much more. I wanted to show you such tenderness. But that is not our way. Spock? Amanda? Did you know?”

He's strongly implying he never told Amanda he loved her out loud. I’m sure he did love her, but it hardly bodes well for the idea that he’s a flowers and handmade cards kind of guy. And as for the notion that behind closed doors, he and Amanda had a super intimate relationship that would make even characters in Harlequin romance novels swoon, please, point me to an episode that makes you think that. I will watch it every day for the rest of my life. 

In summary, between his first chronological appearance in Discovery to his death in The Next Generation, Sarek had a lot of improving to do as a person and we see evidence that he most certainly did. He came to accept Michael as his daughter. He started speaking to Spock again after wrecking his childhood and turning him over to Section 31. Even though it clearly exasperated the hell out of him, he occasionally gave into his wife’s emotional needs. 

But that’s still a pretty far cry away from galaxy’s best father, husband, or lover. I think that’s what draws me to this couple so much. Sarek and Amanda didn’t live happily ever after: they did the best they could and made it work, just like the rest of us non-fictional losers. 

What little we have of canon depicts them as a couple who likely got married before they really knew each other, probably should have spent their first few years of marriage in counseling, eventually figured one another out enough to raise three kids who could all probably benefit from some therapy, and loved each other no matter what, even if it wasn’t out loud.

[mercuryismygenius]

Book Review: ‘Dreamland’

Dreamland: The True Tale of America’s Opiate Epidemic by Sam Quinones

In Dreamland, Sam Quinones tackles the current opioid crisis in the United States with impressive thoroughness. His goal in researching the epidemic was The Big Picture---unfortunately, such comprehensiveness may not be possible. Nonetheless, he does an admirable job, making Dreamland one of the few should-reads for contemporary America.

There is a lot in this book. Broadly speaking, the material can be divided into two basic categories: the legal, and the illegal (specifically represented by Oxycontin, and Black Tar heroin, respectively). Broadly speaking.

On the legal side, Quinones interviews doctors, researchers, nurses, clinicians, patients-cum-addicts, Oxycontin dealers, and families of the lost; he has chapters on the poppy plant, opium, and morphine; he discusses Arthur Sackler and the rise of pharmaceutical marketing, which included the wooing of doctors; and he traces the history of pain treatment---the medical treatment of pain being one of the largest enablers of the opium epidemic.

It’s hard to call what occurred in the medical establishment an overt conspiracy since, outside Big Pharma, most intention was good. Most. 

It began because opium derivatives are pain killers---and the pain-killing properties of opium are ancient news. Also well-known was the fact that opioids are addictive, and use was restricted and monitored. Cancer changed that, with doctors advocating the use of morphine, etc. for end-stage cancer patients who were dying in horrible pain. At that point, it was a quality-of-life issue, and the campaign was successful.

Unfortunately, around the same time that pharmaceutical companies were honing their marketing skills, and developing opium-derivatives, medicine decided to extend the quality-of-life logic to all forms of pain. Injured? Opioid. Chronic back pain because you don’t lift with your legs? Opioid. Whatever the pharmaceutical company had, that was the solution.

And as for that habit-forming problem of opium-derivatives? Turns out, according to an infamous “study” referred to as Porter and Jick, opioids aren’t really that addictive after all. That Porter and Jick was really just a letter to the editor noting one pattern in a limited pool of data either didn’t matter, or, more probably, was never known by the people who cited it (a couple of whom Quinones interviews). Yes, bad science became a major contributor to our opioid crisis. No one checked the “study” that was repeated ad nauseam, and few paid attention to the data at hand concerning the high rates of addiction in patients who were prescribed Oxycontin.

Insurance companies didn’t help matters. They’d pay for prescription medication, but not for physical therapy, psychotherapy, nutritionists, or holistic/ multidisciplinary approaches to pain treatment. So doctors who wanted to use those non-pill approaches were put out of business.

But that’s just the legal opioids. On the illegal side, Quinones focuses on Black Tar Heroin, a viscous, dark-colored substance that’s as pure as heroin can get. He interviews cops, dealers, DEA agents, addicts, lawyers, and community organizers. And because he follows the Black Tar, he discusses Xaliso, a city in the state of Narayit in Mexico, where the heroin was grown.

Black Tar heroin dealers changed the game. Just about everything about them confounded police. The dealers didn’t carry guns, didn’t fight turf wars, and feared local gangs. They didn’t use, and they didn’t adulterate their product by cutting it---they didn’t need to as there was no multilevel distribution line. They delivered to their customers, carrying a minimum of heroin, so if caught, D.A.s rarely felt they were worth the time, and they were just deported.

Deportation was not a deterrent. The Xalisco Boys, as Quinones calls them, dealt heroin in order to make money and be the Big Man struttin’ around town back home. In the United States, their lives were spartan---the point was to go back home to their sugarcane-farming town, having struck it rich. Unfortunately, the dealers spent too lavishly, didn’t invest or save, so money ran out, and they had to return to the U.S.

The system the Xalisco Boys had was capitalism at its finest. No corporate headquarters, no cartel bigwigs, just small entrepreneurs competing in an open market. They had excellent customer service. Not only did they deliver like pizza, they offered samples, and deals. Addicts would get extra heroin for introducing a new customer. The Xalisco Boys would pay (in heroin) for an addict to hand out samples at the local methadone clinic. They’d exchange drugs for your name on an apartment or car lease. And when word got back to Narayit of ripe territory, a gold-rush mentality set in, and more cells would show up in town to compete for the same customers. Prices dropped.

Besides being non-violent in general, in Xalisco, the culture included webs of long-standing family feuds that few wanted to challenge. Because if anything untoward happened in the U.S., it *would* get back to Mexico.

Thus the more adventurous dealers would strike out for new territory. If an addict happened to know of another possibly-lucrative town, they’d introduce the Boys. 

One dealer Quinones interviews, called The Man, was actually born in the U.S., and entered the Xalisco system from the outside. Of Mexican descent, he spoke English and Spanish, and recognized the relevance of Oxycontin to heroin sales (most of the Xalisco Boys didn’t bother learning more than functional English, so didn’t see the bonanza). He was arrested before he could really pave the way, but others did so after him.

Part One of the book ends with the arrest of numerous dealers in multiple states in one of the largest, most coordinated operations in drug-enforcement history. But the insidiousness of the Xalisco system is that it’s self-renewing. Arrest one guy, someone else will take his place. As long as there’s demand.

As I stated above, there is a lot in this book. Quinones manages this plethora of information by “braiding” or “juggling” it: he tells the story of the family of a young man who od’d; introduces a dealer called Enrique; moves to Dr. Herschel Jick wondering about rates of narcotic addiction in patients at his hospital; reveals how Dr. David Proctor came to Portsmouth, OH (he wasn’t able to interview Proctor in person); Enrique again; a cop in Denver; the morphine molecule; Proctor; Enrique; a cop in Idaho; Xalisco culture---this is not the actual order he goes in, but it is the gist of his technique. He touches base with each thread, showing how they interweave. It’s an interesting approach that I think works well for the material, but it did get difficult sometimes to remember who was who. I’d use the index in those cases.

Two limits before I end this already long review. First, the heroin angle is limited to the Black Tar out of Xalisco. Other heroin dealers, gangs, cartels, etc. are mentioned only when relevant to Black Tar and the Xalisco system. So, for example, the Xalisco Boys avoided New York City like the plague, so not much about the presence of heroin there in Dreamland.

Second, racism is prevalent throughout, but not explicitly explored (this is a limit, not a detraction). The Xalisco Boys would not deal to blacks if they could help it---mostly out of fear derived from prejudice. But the far more subtle forms of racism, especially in the predominantly white middle-American towns exist like smog---it’s there, it’s not good, but those immersed in it stopped noticing. Quinones points it out a couple of times, but the degree to which it’s relevant is up to the reader (since his topic isn't the various connections between racism and drugs, he may have decided to just let instances of racism stink up the background and not turn Dreamland into a doorstop).

Highly recommend this book.

[hedwigencyclopaedia]

Young Americans (song)

“To be a Young American in Muskrat Love….” [1]

“I wanted to get into that Warholism of Polaroiding things… Young Americans was my photograph of American music at the time.” [2]

Opening the 1975 album of the same name, “Young Americans” tells the story of an imagined young newlywed couple who in Bowie’s own words “don't know if they really like each other.” [3] Their relationship doubts and subsequent struggles color the lyrics as the song follows them in vignettes. 

In this introduction to his “plastic soul” career phase, Bowie references parts of American experience mentioning cars such as the Ford Mustang, Chrysler, and Cadi, short for Cadillac; politics with lyrics referencing McCarthyism by asking “now have you been the un-American” and asking if his audience remembers the very recently resigned President of the United States Richard Nixon;  American television program Soul Train, on which he would later appear; and in what makes for a unintentional call forward to the lyrics of “Angry Inch”, Barbie dolls. [4, 5, 6]

Not all of the references managed to stay in America though with the opening line “they pulled in just behind the fridge,” a sly reference to a Peter Cook/Dudley Moore theatre presentation Behind the Fridge on May 9th, 1973 and the more overt Beatles reference when in the bridge the chorus exclaims “I heard the news today, oh boy!,” a direct lift from “A Day in the Life” from Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band (1967). [7, 8] Notably, Bowie worked with Beatles member John Lennon on Young Americans “Fame” and “Across the Universe” appearing later on the album. [4]

Outside of cultural references, the song also features a distinct theme of violence both against others (“ain’t there a woman I can sock the jaw?) and against the self (“would you carry a razor…just in case of depression?”), a possible holdover from the American violence he had witnessed while touring The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars. [9]

Frequent mondegreens for the song include debates as to whether or not “they pulled in behind the fridge” or “the bridge” and whether he’s “blushing at all the Afro-Shelias” (“a Shelia” being slang for an attractive woman”) or the “Afro-Sheeners” (Afro-Sheen being a popular hair product for afro styled hair and the first black sponsor of Soul Train.) [10, 11]

And as well as being referenced in text, this song has been used in the preshow music for Hedwig shows on Broadway, for the 2017 Japanese Special Show, and rotating in and out of play as part of the preshow music for the behind the scenes show The Origin of Love.

Song: https://turnonthe8-track.tumblr.com/post/166466637974/misfitsfiend-all-the-way-from-washington-her

[1] Hedwig and the Angry Inch: Broadway Edition (2014). Book.

[2] The Complete David Bowie by Nicholas Pegg (2011 revised edition). Book.

[3] https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-lists/500-greatest-songs-of-all-time-151127/david-bowie-young-americans-153526/

[4] https://www.soultracks.com/flashback-soul-david-bowie

[5] Young Americans. David Bowie. 1975.

[6] https://www.thinwhiteduke.net/1589/david-bowie-songs/young-americans/

[7] https://www.instagram.com/p/BikvaXIHNCG/

[8] Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band. The Beatles. 1967.

[9] https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-news/how-america-inspired-david-bowie-to-kill-ziggy-stardust-with-aladdin-sane-230827/

[10] http://www.bowiewonderworld.com/songs/misheard.htm

[11] http://americanhistory.si.edu/collections/search/object/nmah_209542

Further Reading:

A breakdown of the song from a musical perspective:

http://tonyconniff.com/bowie-a-songwriting-look-inside-young-americans/

[nanyoky]

Someone’s stomach still hates her, so it’s BREAD NIGHT instead of sushi night but HERE WE GO

lol cheryl. for just one tiny moment, i bet a couple kids were ready for a columbus style defamation and dressing down, but not our cheryl. nope. she’s just taking another opportunity to be the live action pacifica northwest.

“the southside kids are fine, but their parents are FURIOUS.” i’m gunna need more than that mayor mac- why? are the southside kids studying too hard now that they have real books? does sweetpea’s mum have to drive him all the way across town to his new school every morning? if the city shut down the school and absorbed these kids into the other district, the district buses would have to come to them, yes? so why would Mama Sweets driving him??? I NEED MORE DETAILS MAYOR MAC.

a neighborhood party for both north and southside. but the serpents are hired as security. do you see the problem here folks???? i mean- obviously not every single southsider is in the gang, but they are a good chunk of the people you’re trying to integrate into the community. so..... what’s really happening.... is a party of northsiders........ with southsiders as The Help. ......great plan i can’t wait.

there’s something really hilarious about the marked height difference between archie and hiram and archie is enjoying every inch of it- deep, deep down inside while he tries to figure out what the fuck is happening in his dining room.

me @ Hal: you’ve got the personality of a brillo pad go out in the garage or something

chic is chillingly cavalier, which is just how i want him, but betty brining up  the “cresent moons” on her palms was ham handed and awkward come on we were doing so much better with dialogue recently

this guy can’t possibly be legit there’s no way a trained agent of anything would trust archie with a can of pringles

there is just so much in the gang checking out betty’s picture of chic. kevin thinks he looks hot and maybe familiar because kevin likes pretty, hooded eyed bad boys who probably have a switchblade in their back pocket ((me too bro it’s okay)). veronica calling him “the omen.” betty sort of expecting but not knowing how to react to her friends thinking her long lost brother is a babe. also summarizing her current home life perfectly in how alice is being awkwardly infantizing and how hal is being definitely not chic’s biological dad and pissy about it. excellent. all excellent.

betty’s “hanging out with toni? cool. that’s cool” face is just... so betty.

“oldest living serpent” SHUT UP i bet he’s adorable i can’t wait

“your dad doesn’t like me” “what? no!” veronica is suddenly a worse liar than betty and that is SAYING something

veronica references the movie “foxcatcher” which i both want to see and don’t want to see and have been waffling about for over a year. anyone care to swing me on it?

varchie is lying to one another and it is all going to blow up so terribly

hoooooolllllyyyyyyy shhhiiiiitttttt. i see. this is a topical episode. and tangentially personal. i went to school near the dakota borders. i have friends who spent weeks at the pipeline protests. but also um.... why do i get the sense that for some bizarre reason, this is going to be jughead’s narrative....... *SIGH*

i need about twelve drinks right now. but also did i nail it with that columbus reference or what?

((fun fact to lighten the mood: my city is working on getting a statue of christopher columbus replaced with one of prince because he was from here and he “represents us better”. bless this midwest))

*HEFTY SIGH* mayor mac. i genuinely want to see more of your adulterous but charming affair with papa keller but you keep fighting tooth and nail to stay on my shitlist

kevin’s porn watching has solved a mystery that shouldn’t really have been a mystery to anyone? i thought fantasy fulfillment was pretty fuckin clear. also, kev, WHY ARE YOU WATCHING PORN IN POP’S WHAT THE FUCK BRO WHO DOES THAT

Archie: *jake peralta voice* why does everyone keep touchin my butt?

IS THE SHERIFF THERE TO WATCH KEVIN’S TRYOUT HELP MY HEART DON’T YOU *DARE* BE SHADY PAPA KELLER DON’T YOU BETRAY MY BOY

KEVIN’S GOOD. KEVIN’S A GOOD WRESTLER. MY LITTLE HEART.

none of these boys better make ANY comments about kevin wrestling or i will come after them with A BAT

this is a much needed self esteem boost for kevin- being better at something traditionally masculine than archie, the all american boy and I SUPPORT HIS PRIDE I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY KEV EVEN IF YOU LOOK AT CAM BOYS AT A PUBLIC DINER YA WEIRDO

this is an A+ sweater from betty holy jeez contender #1 for outfit mvp

bets did you watch a bunch of your brother’s sexy vids? holy jeez i need to feel better so i can have a drink ARE YOU ENJOYING THIS ESSAY I KNOW YOU ARE

kevin’s writing a gossip column now? i both love and hate this. give me a sample of it and i will swing one way or the other

“this is a story we need to tell” close jughead. this is a story you need to help the right people tell. as support. not the main voice. please tell me that is on its way. (i doubt it)

also i feel like the writers came up with this history of the gang, shall we say, quite a ways after casting of the gang.... not that the gang has to be all direct descendants of the tribe but.... still. 

kevin’s going to help archie practice cuz he’s the best of all of us. also it’s going to make him feel good about himself and i don’t begrudge him that in the slightest.

“you don’t really think this could be long term, do you?” chic you were living in a hostel where people get stabbed/their stuff stolen- how is that long term?

it’s a repeat but i think this is the first time this season we’ve heard a character’s original song? i miss the pussycats. i miss “we tell our own story” divas of color. i honestly kinda miss “i wanna be a musician” archie tbh. the music in general has taken a definite turn this season and i like all the retro but god the s1 soundtrack was SO damn good and atmospheric

Hiram has mastered the painfully overt backhanded compliment in a way i would have scoffed at two years ago but honestly i know people liek this now and it’s a nightmare.

lol veronica and archie turn this into the cold war of in-law relations. “i’m glad you’re not man enough to wrestle archie makes me feel like my daughter’s virtue is safe with you” “oh yeah well i think archie is hot” “yeah and we are TOTES comfortable kissing in front of you because our relationship is TOO HOT TO CONTAIN SO THERE”

*long, loud groan* oh my gggaaaaawwwwddd hal

that being said i kinda feel the same way about the narrative doing this weird displacement where Chic replaces Polly as the Problem Cooper and Sweetpea and Fangs are splitting up the threads of Joaquin’s storyline like come on writers either get your actors back or write something new- don’t just rework existing threads of character and plot for new faces.

kevin stop looking so eager we know hiram is a babe okay but that’s your friend’s dad

kevin and chuck both know enough about wrestling to know hiram is being a dick and not demonstrating for the sake of demonstrating. i mean- i don’t know shit about wrestling and i could tell that- but i have the benefit of knowing the narrative

“Get the message?” no hiram i think you’re being a tad too subtle. try farting on him.

TONI. THAT’S MY GIRL. FINALLY. THANK GOD. i was so scared this storyline was going to let jughead be this painfully white without acknowledgement but here we go. thank god. jughead has been whiter than i am recently and that is SAYING something.

okay so josie’s mad at veronica now which means we don’t get a pussycat reunion? DID THEY LOSE MELODY AND VAL TO OTHER GIGS??? JESUS RIVERDALE HOLD ON TO YOUR CAST ((i’m just assuming. i don’t know if polly and joaquin and melody and val and smithers all have other acting jobs keeping them from doing riverdale- it’s just it doesn’t make sense narrative-wise so i assume it’s a scheduling thing))

“cameras aren’t here, jackie o” that’s my girl

“the old ways die hard it seems” SOCIAL COMMENTARY

i love this wrestling plotline for many kevin reasons, but one of them is it gives and opportunity to show kevin interacting with a male friend. they’re obviously making a better effort to make him more than the “sassy gay friend” but this is one i feel a lot of people would miss. we’re used to gay men befriending women and being romantically involved with or lusting after men exclusively. but kevin and archie are friends! and we love them both! kevin jokes around about archie being hot and neither of them are uncomfortable! archie goes to kevin for help with something kevin has more knowledge/skill at! if i remember right archie was the first one to call joaquin kevin’s boyfriend! they are bros! and this is just really nice!

also how did i not notice kevin is ridiculously buff before? did he beefcake up between seasons or did those sweaters just slim him down a lot somehow? woops better go back and rewatch season one again to check. god what a chore.

chic is AGGRESSIVELY questioning betty’s intentions because we aren’t aware enough that he has TRUST ISSUES

i still don’t know how i feel about any of this and i keep swinging back and forth on “dark betty” from episode to episode depending on what they’re doing with it

“i took care of her while you were in prison” “excuse me” OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT HERE LIES ARCHIE ANDREWS DUMB BOY GOOD BOY SWEET BOY

i really need to know what veronica knows about her parents and how she is biding her time and handling it because the writers are just not throwing her a goddamn bone lately other than to occasionally call out toxic masculinity

honestly i feel like i don’t understand hiram. maybe because i’m not a blindly competitive douchenozzle. but like- surely laying things out so bullheaded and aggressive can’t be a better strategy than lying in wait and learning what you can? he could pretty easily wreck their relationship- those two keep screwing things up between them anyway. it can’t be that hard to be subtle buddy ((hiram is a gryffindor. nell is a slytherpuff. nell does not understand lion people.))

we see more hints of veronica faking the koolaid drinking with her parents. but is that truly what hermione wants? who is real? season one or two hermione?! i must know!!!!

*jughead continues to make this about him* toni: “i thought you were apologizing.” thank god for tony. give her her own narrative and stop making her only scenes be about jughead one way or another. she’s got such potential

for all that i still think the narrative is still going to find a way to keep jughead’s feelings at the forefront of this plot thread, there was some good delivery on “i had no right.” a kid realizing for the first time that just because he feels really strongly about something, does not mean he’s universally in the right on the subject. i know so many grown ass adults who don’t know this. i’m just really hoping not just jughead as a character takes a step back for a bit, but the narrative lets him and uses the room he makes well.

of course hiram invites veronica thinking archie isn’t going to make the team

slap his butt ronnie

so which chuck are we getting today god only knows because his redemption never saw any continuation or closure beyond gettin flirty with josie so i have no idea if it was genuine

Me, who knows nothing about sports of any kind beyond that i like it when Klose does the flippy: Wrestling is an aesthetically stupid sport

we’re all acknowledging how very uncomfortable and surreal this is for veronica right? watching her boyfriend grapple with the guy who publicly humiliated and harassed her a few months back? but in like- a “sportsman behavior” setting? very weird.

was that archie realizing he was being tested? is dating a lodge like converting to judaism? gotta be denied three times and persist?

alice is being so painfully stepfordy and i’m frightened and intrigued by the moment when the other shoe will drop and chic sees the alice cooper we all know and love to hate and hate to love

again- i’m really shocked that like- no one read between the lines on what chic’s livelihood came from

“he has to go and you know damn well why” *clutches pearls* oh good heavens hal what reason could that possibly be??? i haven’t the foggiest

PENELOPE IS LIKE AN AMALGAMATION OF EVERY DISNEY VILLAIN EVER IN THIS SHOT I’M DYING

OH SHIT. OH SHIT. VERONICA AND THE PUSSYCATS.

like on the one hand, that was a fucking power move and i kind of just have to give props for the sheer audacity, but on the other hand PEOPLE NEED TO STOP CUTTING JOSIE OFF FROM ANY AND ALL SUPPORT SHE’S JUST BEING MANIPULATED AND ATTACKED ON ALL SIDES AND I NEED HER TO BE OKAY BECAUSE SHE HAS FAR TOO MANY FEELINGS IN HER BIG BROWN EYES

oh god oh god this is too fucking real i need a drink but i’m still sick fuck this is real. fuck. toni’s face. cuz honestly she’s tough but you can tell she’s not used to the spotlight and it took all her courage to get up and be the voice of the protest only to be derailed and minimalized fuck let this girl have more to do than occasionally be the voice of reason to jughead and the serpents. 

BAHAHAHA is hal going to sleep with penelope to get back at alice for having a kid with fp back in highschool jesus christ this show

i’m reserving judgement on the chic plotline until it progresses more but right now i’m just kinda “....huh.” about it

oh betty. oh honey. oh babe.

“That was the old me” archie has been through five “new me”s in the past month. i mean this is obviously to get on hiram’s good side, but still it’s hilarious.

oh of course. they couldn’t just let this fucking go could they. gotta frame the serpents for something else. or not! maybe it was the serpents! doesn’t actually matter. either way mayor mac, lodges and papa keller are going to be the absolute worst about it.

can we get back to being a gothic mystery show next ep? please?

Episode Scorecard:

Number of Sick Beatdrop editing sequences: none. it seems they’ve abandoned this, sadly, along with the rest of the season one soundtrack and editing style. which is a shame.

Do I Still Miss Joaquin: please just imagine wrestling matches with Joaquin dragging all the other teen serpents along with to be the loudest, rowdiest, Team Keller-est cheering section riverdale has ever seen. Kevin is equal parts pleased and mortified. cheryl and toni are dating by now, so cheryl makes them all tshirts. they all have no fucking clue how wrestling works. they love it.

Episode Hair MVP: jughead’s bangs were corkscrewing again- like mine do when my hair air dries just right. i live the curly/wavy combo life too juggie. i know it’s hard.

Episode Outfit MVP: betty’s felted floral sweater- tho i’m still perplexed by the collars on this show. someone in wardrobe has a signature and i don’t begrudge them- i’ve just never seen collars on any outfit anywhere like these ones

[scribbles-by-kate]

Thoughts on 6.19 “The Black Fairy”

I know I’ve said a couple of times that my favourite episodes are the ones that fill in things about characters, that shine more of a light on their stories and their motivations. As a Rumple fan, this episode does that in spades for me. It’s a really satisfying episode for me.

My Fan fiction My Once Upon a Time episode reviews, essays, and meta

The Saviour - well, I did not see that coming at all! Yet, at the same time, it makes a lot of sense. Looking back, it gives more meaning to Rumple’s relationship with the Darkness and why he took it back. Now I understand why he craved power. He was trying to fill the hole his mother left, chasing a destiny that should have been his, and because that was cut away, he sought power in the wrong places and his life became a twisted version of what it should have been. It’s really clever, and I wonder if it’s been planned for a good while. Not from the very beginning, I think, but a few seasons, at least? I just think of all the paralleling of Rumple and Emma they did in season five and the fact that they’ve both been hero and Dark One… This reveal adds so much to Rumple’s story. I love it.

Rumple’s birth - so sweet. We finally get to see a baby Rumple. I love that scene with the candles going out and relighting, and the fact that he’s born on such a cold winter’s night, but is meant to bring hope. And I love Tiger Lily being his godmother, but I think originally it was meant to be Tinkerbell, and helping Fiona was the first mistake Blue referred to back in season three. Only, of course, Rose is not on another show, so we’d be unlikely to have her back for long enough to play this out.

The breath of a dead dragon - I’m sorry, but I fail to see what’s so dark about this? Rumple is essentially filling the role of like a hedge witch or a village healer. The dragon is dead anyway, so why shouldn’t its breath fulfil some worthy function? I don’t get why Emma calls this dark even for the Dark One. Ok, she didn’t grow up in the Enchanted Forest, I suppose, so she’s probably not familiar with the customs, but Rumple is actually doing a good deed here… And I’m sure the dragon egg is a valuable commodity that he’s using on Blue, even though he hates her. Credit where credit is due?

Rumple and Belle outside the shop - I really love that she comes out after him and sort of smiles exasperatedly at his show of temper. She really knows him, and the way she tries to talk him out of his funk is lovely, as is the way he says Gideon is lucky to have her. All the support between them is lovely.

Ginny Goodwin does an English accent - I love that! You know something’s up when Snow tries to choke Blue, so she had to be the Black Fairy in disguise. It’s a nice touch to have Ginny do the accent, rather than have Jaime do a voice over.

Rumple’s got good reflexes - the way he just snaps that cuff on Gideon! Poor Gideon looks kinda betrayed, but it’s for the best, kid!

Zelena and Regina - I like the sisterly scenes. Zelena feeling powerless without her magic is realistic, and I like Regina trying to help. It’s good that Zelena is willing to adapt. I love the ‘No, I trust Henry to raise you’ line, though Henry is the child Zelena tried to kill not so long ago. Really not sure I’m comfortable with her taking Henry.

Gideon and Belle - so Belle is trying to get him to tell her where his heart is, and even though he’s been ordered to feel terrible pain when he resists his grandmother, he tries to anyway? And he thinks he’s a coward? I love him, and I love Belle crouching down to talk to her little boy.

‘D’you trust me, Belle?’ - I love this moment. I love that he’s asking for her trust before he goes into their son’s dream, and I love that Belle thinks for a moment before telling him what exactly she trusts him to do. She’s not trusting him with her heart, yet, but she’s trusting him with a lot given all the crap that’s gone on between them. It’s a special moment, because it re-establishes trust between them, and it gives him confidence to keep on the right path. You can see he’s grateful, and stands a bit taller. And I like that Belle isn’t asking him for specifics: she’s trusting him to have a good plan and do what’s right for them.

Gideon’s wariness - it doesn’t surprise me that he looks a bit askance at his father with this dust in his hand, because they’re still establishing a relationship, and this is kind of a call back to when Gideon was in utero and he and his mother didn’t trust Rumple, but, by the end of the episode, they’ve established complete trust, so this is fine.

Rumple’s dream - I love this. I even like the snarking with Emma, because they haven’t really seen eye to eye: she hasn’t seen him as really human, but she starts to get more of an understanding of him here, which I think she’s been lacking. She starts to act with a bit more humanity towards him and his son, more like the Saviour she’s supposed to be. I love that eerie singing, and the cottage, and how freaked out Rumple is. The way he jumps and Emma freaks out because he’s freaked out is brilliant. Robert is great in this scene, and Jennifer does act well off him, at least.

The half of the wand is a little too easy to find - I thought that should have taken several episodes, but, oh well. And now we know why curses and stuff always start in the clock tower - because it’s the geographical heart of Storybrooke. I suspected that anyway, so, yay, head canon confirmed! And, finally, they address the issue of people being able to disguise themselves as other people! Only took you six seasons! I love that bit with Zelena running the Black Fairy over. Zelena is good as comic relief. I just can’t forget how nasty she was at first. It’s like a different character.

The ‘great evil’ - yeah, I knew it was Fiona. I kinda think she and Malcolm were well matched, actually: there’s an undercurrent of selfishness and darkness in both of them that definitely becomes more overt as their back story episodes progress. I don’t doubt that Fiona loves her son, but there is that desire for power in her too, and it’s pretty clear that protecting her son is only an excuse to get more power. She comes to love power more than Rumple, so, I’m sorry, but she gets no sympathy from me for what happens to her. The fact that she chooses her own power over her son’s is disgusting. How dare she take away his potential like that?

‘I think you already have’ - that scene with Rumple and Gideon is beautiful. It’s one of my favourites ever. It’s so well acted, and Gideon’s line says so much more than that Rumple has physically found his son. He’s found him emotionally as well. Gideon understands his father better and knows that he loves him and is trying to save him. That’s why he’s able to say ’Thank you for fighting for me’, and Rumple’s ‘I would do anything for you, son’ shows who he really is, a good father who wants the best for his son and would do everything in his power to ensure his safety.

Emma shows some compassion to Rumple - that’s been a long time coming. We finally see that she’s starting to understand Rumple on a personal level, which has been missing from her interactions with him for ages, and that’s coloured how she interacted with Gideon, who was just ‘Dark One Junior’. It’s been all about how she can use Rumple or how she can stop him, but now she understands him better and understands that he’s not so different from her in some things. Ideally, I would have liked Belle on this journey with Rumple and Gideon, but Belle does understand Rumple: we needed to see that Emma could. This is a learning experience for her as it is for him. And now maybe she’ll treat him and his son less as pariahs and more as people, as the Saviour should.

‘Gold, this is on you’ - I think Emma’s been evading the Saviour thing for a while. Although she told Gideon she’s fated to die and she will, she’s not really facing it, so, of course, now that Rumple’s a ‘Saviour’, she quickly fobs the task off on him. The Emma from earlier seasons would say, ok, let’s go take her down together: two Saviours are better than one. But, because Rumple’s apparently been revealed as a Saviour, she happily leaves it to him. I get it: no one wants to die, but it’s not very heroic of her.

Belle and Rumple - I love this. The way she’s all I knew it and now you do too is so lovely. She’s always trying to lift him up, and she must have always known there was something special about him, something more than what he could see. Belle knows people, so it doesn’t surprise me that she’d know this. It’s not that she’s on board because he’s suddenly a Saviour: it’s that he now has proof of what she’s been saying all along, and isn’t that wonderful? Now he can know for sure that she was right all these years. And the way Rumple says ‘I don’t know what I know’ is so relatable as well, because, damn, this is a shock, and it changes everything he thought he knew about himself. He’s having to re-process everything in his life, reconfigure his relationship with power, and that’s bound to make him say I don’t know about this, and that’s ok. The fact that he gets up, fixes the wand, and says he has to do this (face his mother) is amazing given that he must be in such turmoil. He’s so much stronger and braver than he gives himself credit for.

Rumple facing his mother - is brilliant, because now he’s learning how Belle felt when he was trying to have it all, and he knows what it’s like, now, when someone chooses power over love, and the consequences it can have. When he says he’s someone who’s made the same choices as his mother and knows a lie when he hears it, he’s realising how hurt Belle was, how devastated she was when he lied to her, when he went behind her back, when he embraced the Darkness and acted like it was for her. And he knows how he’s suffered for what his mother did. She doomed him to a life of cowardice because she took away what he should have had, so he didn’t know what he was supposed to be. Now he’s got first-hand experience of someone putting power before him, and it hurts. He’ll definitely be a different man, not just because he was meant to be the Saviour, but because he understands Belle’s point of view better, and it’s time to make some choices.

Fiona using the shears on Rumple - that was such a sad moment for me. You just see this little wispy thread of light coming from him, and she just cuts it almost casually. It’s so cruel and heartless. I can never have sympathy for Fiona. She got herself banished because she put her needs and wants above her son’s. That isn’t love. Rumple even said she didn’t have to be banished. If she’d given up her power, they could’ve been together, but she was too selfish.

‘So you understand’ - yes, I think Rumple does understand his mother, but I also think he’s different from her, because power isn’t the most important thing to him. I think Rumple’s ideal relationship with the power is to be able to use it as a tool to protect the ones he loves, and I think that’s the decision he’s making in this episode. He’s used his power for his loved ones before, but I think now he’s specifically putting the power in the service of his loved ones. He’s very specifically telegraphing his intentions to Belle and Gideon and the audience in a way he never has before. He’s saying he might do questionable things, and it might look bad, but he’s doing what he’s doing to protect them. He’s never been that clear before. He’s very deliberately choosing love, while using the power to service that love.

‘Can you forgive me?’ - hmm… Rumple doesn’t answer. He never forgives people who hurt his family, though, so even though it looks like he has by the end of the episode, I’m sure that’s a misdirect, especially because he’s so clear in his intentions with Belle and Gideon.

Malcolm chooses his son’s name to be cruel - sort of like Frollo with Quasimodo. And Blue and Tiger Lily thought it was a good idea to leave Rumple with him why? He was obviously going to turn out to be a horrible father and they just left him with him. I suppose now that he was no longer the Saviour, he was no longer useful. Fairies can be cruel too.

What do Belle and Gideon know? - Can’t be sure, of course, but I think they know a fair bit, if not everything. Belle doesn’t mention Rumple banishing his mother: she only talks about facing her. I think both wife and son know a deal’s been made for their protection and the return of Gideon’s heart. I don’t know if they know what Rumple has to do for his mother, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they know a curse is coming. The fact that Belle doesn’t argue when Rumple says everything he does is for them even though it may not look like it is a big indicator, for me, that she knows something. She’s willing to trust him anyway, and that’s what’s important. The fact that Rumple explicitly tells his mother that Belle and Gideon have no idea of what’s to come seems like a big red flag that he’s telling a whopper. His mother trusts him, so he’s playing on that and telling a bare-faced lie. He’s not on her side. She hurt his family and Rumple never forgives those who hurt his family.

[roominthecastle]

I find it interesting that even though we are supposed to believe Liz, Tom and Agnes is now a happy family, there has hardly been any true loving scene between them since... I don't even remember. Not even when they reunited after fake death did they seem that happy. Either TPTB didn't think to add that or it's on purpose. Thoughts?

I think the k/2 relationship has been sanitized, anon. One good visual example is what you also mentioned, their “big” reunion scene in 323 where everything is. So. Ridiculously. White. I think this is why their togetherness feels off and muted and - once again - fake. Nothing that went down between them has truly been dealt with yet they are already playing house again. They look like something out of a magazine - an attractively arranged but emotionally shallow image manufactured to sell some cheap crap you don’t even need. *cough*thespinoff*cough*

They def don’t act like two people deeply in love who are finally together as they were always meant to be. Their dynamic is lacking for a tv couple, I completely agree, and I’m not talking about the lack of sex scenes here (if I never see one btw these 2 it will still be too soon). They are more like roommates than soul mates. It’s not passion-affection keeping them together but “format and convenience”, so to speak. They are two people who fell back into a pattern and settled for it bc it is familiar - a lukewarm faux-marriage which remained their only frame of reference and which they can squeeze back into again but only if they can delude themselves and each other to their reality. Tim has to deny his own psychopathic nature and Liz has to pretend he is not the same selfish creep who used the same setup to violate her in every way imaginable. These are interdependent conditions, so if one wobbles, it pulls the other with it.

ok, more behind the cut but fair warning: I will wander off-topic bc k/2 interests me only to the extent it comments on Red & Liz’s relationship. which it does. imo + i am finally all caught up and have a lot of swirling thoughts, so again, beware of the ramblings:

Liz and Tim are back together almost as if nothing we witnessed in S1/S2b actually happened the way we *saw* it happen. Past transgressions are briefly touched upon but never with the intention of exploration. If they are brought up, it is done either to quickly wave them away or to put a revisionist spin on them. And so the authenticity of the dynamic suffers bc it is not an honest portrayal of a real reconciliation (which could never have been this fast and so complete) but a “quick-fix” for both, and if one of them strays from the script, the other is instantly doubtful. It’s just another fantasy. The only difference is that now Liz is complicit in maintaining it too bc poor woman thinks this is her only shot at having a Normal Life™. It doesn’t make the dynamic any healthier and it also warps her relationship with Red into something mostly ugly and irrational because he refuses to play along. His reluctance is perceived as a threat. But just like the fantasy, their distorted bond is also pierced by bouts of clarity (those are my favorite moments) and maybe someday this clarity will prevail.

But for now it just boggles the mind how much Liz is willing to either overlook, “reinterpret”, or “understand“ when it comes to her honey, while she holds Red to a completely different and extreme standard he will never be able to measure up to. It seems that all her frustrations are taken out on him lately. Red must be the root of all evil and the scapegoat at the same time, so Tim’s good guy status - and Liz’s fucked up choice to be with him bc he is “changed” - can be automatically validated no matter what Tim does. Again, it’s like we are back in S1. Red is not a Good Guy, don’t get me wrong. And I would welcome a healthy resistance, worry, and commentary on this from Liz if she didn’t choose to forgive everything and shack up with another criminal who has done precisely nothing remotely significant to make up for his 100% selfish and vile crimes. His grand gesture of “goodness” is that he is considering another way of living but since he changes his mind 10 times/hour, that’s hardly a solid sign + w/ the spinoff launching we know he is back to his old ways already, inviting the kind of danger Liz keeps complaining about but only with regards to Red’s presence. But according to her, it is only natural for Tim to behave this way and his lies are now an expression of “hope”. Oh lorde. I still remember when she claimed Tim was a changed man who had already reformed himself and thus became suitable marriage/father material, but it seems she just has to keep lowering the bar on that one since Tim apparently isn’t even ready to give up his fake identities yet.

The fake passports symbolize every covert and overtly aggressive, remorseless violation honey committed against Liz for years by repeatedly choosing to safeguard his own life and his mission at the expense of her mental/physical/emotional well-being, yet when she sees him still hoarding them, she just… acts like it’s no big deal. Their entire current relationship is built on strategically selective denial that only makes it look like they are dealing with things when in fact they are just brushing them off. Tim is now framed as a sexy spy boy struggling to settle down and his actual past with her is being scrubbed to support this fake (but much more marketable) image. Red is the only one left who refuses to accept/digest this obvious yet invisible lie, and Liz knows it too. And she is hostile to him, she keeps him away, she doesn’t allow him to enter the “dream home”, and this is where things get interesting.

The episode (410) where they move to their apartment is the same one where Red becomes obsessed with another apartment where everything is so white, it makes your eyes bleed. It is unnatural, sterile, sanitized (just like the big k/2 reunion scene in 323 we mentioned at the beginning). And he is down on his hands and knees with a little blacklight, looking for traces of a very personal atrocity that he knows has happened there even though there aren’t any overt signs of it now. And he keeps wondering how that is even possible. How can something so atrocious happen and leave everything looking normal and the same as it was before? How can even the memory of it disappear? He wants to avenge the murder of his friend and hire the murderer’s done-did-do cleaning crew, I know. That’s the surface agenda that acts as a conduit to much deeper issues he has been struggling with, including the k/3 fantasy unit. This gets confirmed when Dembe shows up on Liz’s doorstep saying that Red is spiraling again (he also acted out like this right after Liz told him the baby was Tim’s) and his only remaining anchors are her and her baby. If this ep with the two apartments is not a symbolic commentary on k/2′s unnatural sanitization of past transgressions and Red’s refusal to accept it, I don’t know what is, but I honestly cannot tell if it is done on purpose or not. TPTB probably thought it was ~quirky~ to have an all white apartment and that’s it. Fortunately, that’s not at all how it comes across in context of the entire show.

Red does to k/2 what he does to the “sanitized apartment”. He keeps crawling and poking around, he keeps trying to look behind loose parts to expose just one trace of the atrocity he knows happened there and what Liz is so busy suppressing, i.e. reality in favor of appearances (another topic Red dedicates a short speech to). This is why he later hires Tim for a mission that could have been given to any low level associate - he wanted to show Liz how unchanged and unfit her non-husband was (bc apparently it is still not obvious), and it did send the fantasy wobbling. Liz immediately flip-flopped on just how understanding she really was and Tim immediately questioned her love for him. Apply some pressure and this happens bc this is still a dishonest relationship. Also look at the way Red arranges this “reality check”. He enters the “dream home” uninvited when its current primary maintainer - Liz - is away, then sits opposite of Tim and close to Agnes, framing Tim as the intruder/outsider. He hates him and while I don’t think he will kill him, I also don’t think he will stop trying to pry him out of Liz’s life because Tim is a) a useless sack of shit and b) the rival. Every scene they share, they either stand/sit across from each other or Tim is forced to stand to the side or even leave the room entirely. He does not belong as far as Red is concerned and hopefully he continues to demonstrate it.