#like no way late checkout gets used enough to need a backup

[victory-cookies]

my holo taco order came in and my mystery polish was one I already have 😭

[idkthisisjustforfanfic]

U N P L A N N E D, part seven

By the end of the night at Jeff and Glenne’s, Lexi was nowhere to be found. You didn’t really mind--you didn’t feel as out of place as you’d expected and Harry had been more than happy to bring you around to different friends or familiar faces to say hello. 

A girl with dark brown hair who sang backup on his album listened excitedly as he brought her up to speed on the new plan for release. The album, originally due out in August or September was now being pushed to December. It was strategic really. 

Late summer buzz when the baby announcement came out. Winter album release, promo before and after to tide his fans over until a spring time tour, giving him the perfect span of three or four stationary months in L.A. that aligned with your maternity leave.

Genius, really. It was all thanks to Jeff and his team.

So you smiled at the girl with the dark hair and pretended you didn’t notice the fact that she kept stealing glances down at your belly, as small as it still was. 

This was the risky stage, really, when people got it wrong and asked about someone’s due date, only to be mortified when someone gave the dreaded response, I’m not pregnant. You’d seen it happen to someone else once, a woman in the checkout line at the grocery store. The cashier put her foot in her mouth and you vowed to never ask someone about their due date unless they mentioned it first. 

So you cut Laura some slack. 

“We’ll tour it next spring and summer, so you’ll have to come,” he said to his friend, a smile on his face when he lifted up his sunglasses. The sun had already sunk beneath the horizon, his cheeks were tinged pink from the hot day.

“I’ll bring your youngest audience member ever,” you revealed, letting a hand rub over your belly as you offered a smile in her direction.

“Oh, that’s so sweet! When are you due?”

“January, middle of the month. So--I might need some noise canceling headphones.”

“Hey--I make good music,” Harry pretended to take offense. 

“I didn’t say you don’t--”

“Is it yours?” Laura asked, her eyes pulling up to Harry’s face for a second, wide with shock.

Harry looked down at you, down at the bump. You could tell he was frozen, unsure of what he should say and how he should say it. 

“No--God no,” you said quickly. “It’s our friend, Peter.”

Harry’s lips twitched into a smile. “Yeah--Peter, he’s a good friend. He’s a great guy, a dream, really. Gonna be a great father.”

“He’s okay,” you made a face at Harry. “A lot to learn, probably never changed a diaper in his life.”

“He has too,” Harry defended quickly. “At least five or six.”

“Well he’ll be changing probably five or six a day.”

“That’s fine, he’ll be fine with that. He’s extremely committed to that baby.”

“Yeah, well,” you stifled a laugh. “We’ll see.”

Laura laughed, a skeptical look disappeared from her face when Glenne came up and offered dessert, effectively breaking up the conversation. Harry draped an arm over your shoulder for a split second when most people had started to make their way to the other side of the pool. 

“Just so you know, I’m gonna make you call her and explain that lie once we come out with it.”

“Deal,” you said. “I’ll tell her you had sex with your friend Peter’s girlfriend and we didn’t know who’s it was until it was born..”

“Jesus,” he laughed. “Can’t tell if you’re the funniest person I’ve met or the meanest.”

“I like to think I’m a mix of both.”

**

It was probably a good thing that you didn’t see Harry for another week after that. The onesie and the party at Jeff and Glenne’s and a completely new project at work had you feeling incredibly overwhelmed, left with only enough energy to drive home, take off your bra, and sit on the couch. 

Most nights Lexi was home. There were a few evenings when she’d meet Glenne and Jeff or stay late on set. She’d come home with leftovers or funny stories, and you’d fall asleep before 10pm. 

But you figured it was a good thing, the distance and space. The last two times you’d seen him, you left with a glow. The infatuation kind, not the pregnancy kind. That type of shit was asking for trouble. 

So you ignored the urge to call or text him. Most days he’d ask how you were feeling, what you were up to. You’d take your time to respond, give short answers and tell him you were too busy to see him. It wasn’t necessarily true, but you were tired. Too tired to drive all the way to his house in the hills and then all the way home. Especially when being around him required the self-control and restraint that it suddenly did.

You answered when he called, talked on the phone for an hour at a time some days. You told yourself it was nothing. It was normal it was normal it was normal. 

On the Wednesday of week twelve, you were scheduled to meet with the same crew: Jeff, Harry, Dave, Emma, Lola, and John. This time, the topic was a bit more hopeful. Some type of strategy meeting to talk about what type of information to release and what to keep private. 

When you woke up and started rifling through your closet, you came to a grim realization. Things weren’t fitting the same. Buttoned shirts now felt tight around the tummy, pants felt a bit snug in the waist. 

It happened overnight, really. You’d heard about the pop--when your belly finally protrudes outward and when you actually start to look pregnant, not just bloated. You didn’t know when it would come, but you certainly weren’t prepared for it to already be here.

Lexi was already gone, otherwise you’d storm into her room and make her promise you didn’t look funny. You weren’t about to FaceTime Glenne--only in fear that Jeff would be around and think you were being ridiculous. You also figured keeping your distance from him wasn’t a bad idea. 

So you settled on a dress, a casual one, and you didn’t even realize that someone might notice until you walked into work. 

Aarav didn’t even seem to look at you twice--he was too busy in his office dealing with a last minute request from Levi. Simone was busy too, and when you met up with them for lunch, you kept your tray and plate in front of you, praying and hoping that they wouldn’t notice the way you looked a bit more round. 

A text came across your phone when Aarav went on about Carson. 

Harry (12:43pm): Twelve week mark! See you at 5pm?

It was almost a relief to walk into the Westwood office building at the end of the day. It was a comfort, really, to be in a room full of people who knew your biggest secret. Harry met you in the lobby, a smile on his face when you offered a hug. 

“Look at me,” you said quietly, a few people passed by on their way out of work. “I look pregnant.”

He looked down, his brows furrowed together and his lips pushed out. He scanned your figure, a wave of relief washed over you when he spoke. “Wouldn’t have noticed if you didn’t say anything--but, you do, a bit. You look good.”

“I feel weird,” you said, following him over to the same elevators as you tried to ignore the compliment. “I used to just look bloated, but now it’s like--real.”

Once the doors shut and afforded you both some privacy, he turned to face you. 

“You look beautiful,” he said, voice quiet as the elevator whirred. “Can I--can I feel it?”

“Oh,” you looked down, a hand immediately on your own belly. You’d been doing it plenty, a force of habit, now, really. You found yourself doing it in meetings, on the phone, one hand on the steering wheel and another on the bump. “Yeah, of course you can--here,” you reached for his hand, guiding it towards you, warmth when he made contact. 

It felt a little silly. It was still just your stomach--somewhere deeper in there was a baby the size of a lime. He kept his eyes on the blue fabric of your dress, both of your hands over his until the doors opened. 

Jeff, on the other side, was caught off guard. “Hi--hey, I was just coming to find you.”

“Hi,” you said, a step back from Harry as if there was some sort of rule about proximity. 

He offered an awkward smile, motioned for you to both follow him down the same long hall, past the same rooms and chairs and windows. Harry let out a giggle under his breath, smirked in your direction, another wave of butterflies.

It was the first time you’d seen any of them since the test results, you swore Dave seemed to soften when you sat across from him, this time, Harry was beside you. 

“So,” Dave spoke, a quick glance around the room. “Good to see everyone.”

“Yeah, thanks for coming,” Jeff said, settling into his seat before he reached for a water bottle. “Lola--you’re good to start us off?”

“Yeah,” she smiled, short red hair brushed the tops of her shoulders. She smiled in your direction, much less hesitant than times before. “We’re really here today to start thinking about how we want to share this news. It’s obviously not going to stay a secret forever, so we’re wondering about different options to get in front of it--while still maintaining everyone’s safety and privacy.”

You nodded, a sideways glance in Harry’s direction.

“We have a few options, Harry, about how to do that,” Jeff explained. “We could choose an outlet to inform and let them break it. Or, we could talk about a social media post, a statement from Lola…”

He turned to look at you, caution in his eyes when you offered a small smile. Nothing felt ideal--nothing they said sounded like a good option or like it wouldn’t bring trouble. 

Up until now, really, it had just been the two of you. That was, if you didn’t count the four other people in the room, Lexi, Glenne, your mother, and his family. So, the twelve of you, really. 

Things until now were quiet and private, a small buzz that was stressful enough. You couldn’t even imagine the news spreading, questions, accusations, the ways all of the aforementioned would keep you up at night. 

Harry looked around the room. “Uh--a statement is probably best, yeah?”

“I would think so--your fans will want to hear from you though, too,” Jeff nodded.

Lola smiled, softly, in your direction. “What do you think, Y/N?”

You were shocked, really. Stammered a few things before wishing you could disappear, totally not equipped to respond to that type of question. “Uh, yeah--the statement--I don’t know, whatever you think,” you looked towards Harry, a sudden feeling in your gut that out of everyone in the room, you could trust him the most. 

“We should wait until you’re father along,” Jeff said. “Probably closer to the sixth month mark?”

You nodded--that was something you could get behind. It also gave you some more time to figure out who needed to know before then. As contractual as this had become, there were still some people in your life who’d benefit from finding out that you were pregnant with a celebrity’s baby from you, rather than on TV or online.

Lola went on to say something else, but you were too busy making a list in your brain of who that entailed. 

Levi, Simone, Aarav. Your two aunts in Oregon. Your college roommate, Brie, maybe even your father--if you could track him down. You could feel your heartbeat in your chest, more people to disappoint, more people to make the admission to: I fucked up. I didn’t check all the boxes in the right order.

“Does that sound alright?” Harry turned to get a better look at you, his eyes searched your face.

“What?”

“September,” Lola said. “Make the statement in September.”

“Sure,” you nodded. Two months away. That felt like an eternity. 

“How are you feeling about it?” Her question was directed at you, but it took you a second to realize that. Harry watched you, his eyebrows lifted as he waited for a response. 

“About having a baby?”

“About coming out with it,” Jeff said. 

You shifted in your office chair, hands clasped on your lap. “I don’t really know what to expect, to be fair.”

Jeff looked at Harry, then at Lola. 

Harry cleared his throat and rested his elbows on the table, he spoke directly to you. “I think there’ll be some people who are really upset and some who are really happy.”

“You should make your social media private,” Lola said. “That’s the majority of what comes up when I ran a google search of your name. A few things about your work if you dig really deep.”

“Which they will,” Harry said. 

“Okay,” you nodded. “Should I be, like, worried about my safety?

“No,” Jeff said. “Definitely not. If there’s anything that makes you uncomfortable we’ll assess and just get a security detail.”

Harry made a face at that, one you couldn’t read. He sat back in his chair and listened to Lola say more about the announcement and how important it was for him to set the tone once the news was out. 

You were almost as zoned out as he was, but you heard mention of make them believe you’re excited, and that’s when you decided you’d had enough. So you stared out the window, nodded every few seconds to make them think you were listening and invested and following along so you could follow the rules. 

Sure, maybe accidentally getting pregnant wasn’t the most exciting thing in the world, but Lola’s insinuation that neither of you were excited felt like a dig. Out of everyone in the room, you were the one who had to deal with the most shit. Not only did you get a baby out of one drunken night, but you also got the body changes, the hormones, and the new relationship with someone who was too famous for his own good. 

But aside from all of that--all the shit that made this stressful and terrifying and overwhelming altogether--there was still a piece of you that was excited. And it was easier to feel that later that night when you sat in the same In N’ Out parking lot as before. 

“You don’t, like, regret deciding to keep it, right?”

Your question caught him off guard. He was mid-bite and let out a bit of a cough, wiping his mouth with the backside of his hand before he looked over at you. 

“No--do you?”

“No. I don’t know. Lola said we have to act excited. As if we aren’t at all or something.”

“I know,” he said, voice quieter. “That was pretty shitty, but I don’t think she meant anything by it.”

You nodded, hoping he was right. 

“I am excited, to be clear.”

“Me too,” a nod. “I’m getting more excited. Next time we see Dr. Weston we might be able to know the sex.”

He smirked. “We already know the sex, Y/N.”

“Where’s your premonition coming from?” You laughed. “What makes you so sure?”

He laughed, a sip from his water bottle. “I think you’re going to be a really good mom no matter what. But I think you’d be especially good with a little girl.”

“You’re going to sound like such an asshole if we have a boy.”

“If we have a boy it’ll be great! He can like sports and princesses, too.”

You took another bite of your dinner, a silent prayer that this pregnancy wouldn’t turn against you and make you hate the smell of In N’ Out. “I think you’ll be a good dad, too.”

And then he did it again. He looked out the window and seemed to be somewhere else. Maybe somewhere not as congested as LA, easier and quieter and somewhere were you didn’t exist and the plum sized baby didn’t either. 

You stuck a french fry in your mouth and chewed--thankful for the fact that the silence didn’t feel uncomfortable. 

“Would you--” he turned to see you suddenly, a sigh escaping his lips. “Hear me out, okay?”

You nodded.

“Would you think I was totally, absolutely mental if I asked you to move in with me?”

Your eyes must have gone wide, maybe the color even drained from your face, because before you could answer, he rolled his eyes and looked back out the window. “I know--okay, s’fine.”

“No--I just, that’s not what I expected. At all.”

He took another breath, his words came out quick this time as if he was nervous. “I know it’s crazy, but, Jeff got me freaked out today. When he talked about getting you a security detail I thought about your apartment and I know it’s in a house and it’s a nice neighborhood but--”

You didn’t say anything. You watched as he pushed his lips to one side and then the other. 

“I could never live with myself if anything happened to you.” A pause. “Or her.”

You rolled your eyes at that, a small laugh immediately granted levity to the front seat of his car. Dimples appeared on his cheeks when he saw the smile on your face.

“I hear you, but--I’ll be fine.”

He started speaking before you even finished. “Think of it this way, too. When she’s here, we’ll want to be together, right? I mean--don’t you think you’ll want more space than what you’ve got with Lexi? Don’t you think she’ll get sick of dirty nappies and all the crying in the middle of the night? If we live together I can help more and we can go through it together.”

You thought on that for a second. There was no doubt in your mind that Lexi would eventually lose her shit and need a good amount of space from the new roommate you were both about to have. You ignored the thumping in your chest at the thought of it. You, Harry, a tiny baby in that stupid onesie he bought. It sounded perfect.

“Think about it, yeah? I’ve got plenty of room.”

You nodded. “I’ll think about it.”

**

Dave had given you the go ahead to tell your coworkers. It took three phone calls with Jeff and him and Harry, but he eventually relented. When you ended up telling him that he didn’t have to go to work trying not to puke every morning waiting for your coworkers to notice the growing bump, he gave in. 

You were relieved, that is, until Levi called a team meeting, the five of you sat around a conference table on the third floor--also known as the floor with the balance ball chairs. You had no idea how much your back had been bothered by your regular office chair until you settled in to your seat. 

“So,” Levi looked around at the four of you. “Obviously my leaving is bittersweet, I know we’ve all been working hard lately to make the transition as smooth as possible. But we obviously haven’t handled one aspect of that, which is, the new Team Lead.”

You kept a straight face, glanced over to Aarav who suddenly couldn’t take his eyes off of you. You’d been planning on telling them that afternoon, at least Aarav and Simone. Maybe you’d wait until Levi left to fill him in, maybe you’d wait until you left for maternity leave to tell Carson. 

But would Levi still choose you to fill his role if he knew you were pregnant? Bound to take a decent maternity leave right after the holidays? Right when things amped up in the New Year?

“Y/N--you’ve obviously been a huge part of our success this last year, and I spoke with Mike and Tracy about having you fill the role, if you’re interested.”

“Yes--of course I’m interested,” you smiled. “I would love to.”

“Awesome--you’re obviously all in good hands,” he said to the others, a smile in your direction again. “You and I can meet with the rest of the Marketing c-suite--it’ll be painless, I’m sure.”

Now was definitely not a good time to tell them, but, your body decided it was the perfect time for an all encompassing wave of nausea. 

“Okay--yeah, sounds good.” You tried to wrap things up, looked over at Simone, hopeful she’d follow your lead. 

“When’s your last day, again?” Carson closed his laptop, if you weren’t doing your best to keep your lunch down, you’d be more surprised that he wasn’t as bitter as you’d expected him to be.

“August 5th.” 

You stood from the table, beads of sweat on your forehead. Aarav gave you a look, Simone was too busy on her phone. 

Levi started to gather his belongings. “We’ll get everything sorted out, too, about who’s going to take on some of Y/N’s responsibilities. Most things will stay the same, but, I think Mike wants to hire someone else to do some more of the graphic work, too.”

“I’m so sorry--” you said, embarrassed to rush out of a meeting like this. “I have to go--uh, make a phone call, really quick.

Again, Aarav looked at you like you’d started speaking another language. 

“Yeah, go ahead, no worries,” Levi looked suspicious too, but he turned back to Carson.

You bolted for the door, down the hall, no idea where the nearest bathroom was. Water fountain, lounge area, vending machine. Where the fuck was the bathroom?

You found it around the corner, barely making it into a stall before throwing up, desperately trying to pull your sticky hair away from your face when your knees met the floor.

“Y/N? Are you okay?” Simone was behind you--the carpet of the hallway had apparently quieted her footsteps. You reached for toilet paper and wiped your mouth, thankful that no one else had witnessed your close call. The only thing worse than throwing up at work was throwing up on the floor at work.

You flushed, stood back up and offered a smile. “Yeah--sorry--bad lunch, I guess.”

“Are you pregnant?”

“What?” You laughed, waving a hand before wiping at your mouth again. “No--that’s crazy!”

She raised an eyebrow at you.

A sigh. “Fine,” you said. “I am. But--you can’t tell them yet, okay?”

Her lips threatened to curl upwards, but she caught herself. “Are you--was it on purpose?”

“No,” a wave of embarrassment replaced the nausea in your stomach. “It was completely unplanned.”

“Who’s the father?”

Dave had been clear on the phone. If you have to tell them, we’ll prepare NDAs for them to sign. 

“You don’t know him.”

Maybe she did. 

“Is it that guy you’ve been seeing?”

“Yeah--we’re just friends.”

“Who have sex?”

“Just once.”

“Holy shit!”

“I know--I wanted to tell you!”

She pouted, an understanding look on her face. “That’s why you won’t have margaritas with us.”

“Busted.”

“How are you doing with it? Does your mom know?”

You thought on that for a second--it had been a while since someone asked. Harry was inquiring quite frequently, but you were also at the point now where you gave him a daily update about any symptoms. Jeff and Glenne and Lexi would check in, too, of course, but Simone was asking you on a deeper level. 

She was asking if you were losing your shit altogether and having recurring panic attacks when you’d try to fall asleep. 

“I’m okay,” you said, a confident nod. “I was freaked at first, and I am, still, a little--but, it’s been going okay.”

“Are you going to tell Aarav?”

“Yeah, yeah--I was gonna let both of you know today, but then Levi dropped that shit.”

“How dare he promote you,” she teased, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Well I couldn’t exactly follow that up with thanks so much, I’ll need three months maternity leave in January.”

“A January baby!” She threw her arms around you. “How far are you?”

“Thirteen weeks.”

She let go, looked you up and down. “You’ll be fine, you can totally handle this. Is the father supportive so far?”

You nodded, ignoring the tiny shred of fear that tried to squeeze it’s way up into your brain. “So far, yeah.”

But how long would that last? How long would Harry be interested in having dinner and hanging out? When would he get sick of you and when would he realize that he didn’t have to do this?

He had more options than either of you had mentioned. Harry was acting like his only option was to be completely, totally, one hundred percent involved, or the exact opposite. 

But you felt like the more realistic option was somewhere in the middle, right? He’d visit and have the baby for weekends, go off on tour and you’d FaceTime him every so often to make sure they didn’t lose touch. You’d be the one to handle the skinned knees and all of the tears, but he’d be the fun dad that would swoop in and get to take them for ice cream or out to dinner. 

He’d send a check, eventually. After things died down and he realized that it didn’t make sense for you to live together or be more than co-parents or anything like that. He’d help financially and you’d have to get a nanny if you were going to keep your job--which, as a single mom, you’d have to.

Simone brought you back to your office, smiling excitedly when you told Aarav the news, making them both promise to keep it quiet for now. You didn’t tell them who, you didn’t disclose the name of the guy who had suddenly lodged himself in a strange space in your heart and your head. Because if you did, you’d have to tell them you were also afraid he’d leave. And speaking that out loud was too much to handle.

**

Harry was a regular at Dr. Weston’s office, so much so that you found it a bit embarrassing how he knew the nurses by name and proclaimed proudly in the waiting room that he’d read every pamphlet they had. 

For someone who has to keep this pregnancy low-key, shouting excitedly in the waiting room is the opposite of that, you told him.

So he followed you back into the exam room yet again, but this time with a pout on his face after the nurse left you alone. 

“What’s your problem?”

He held a hand over his eyes to offer you privacy when you changed, the gown in his outstretched hand. “You don’t even care that I’m extremely well read.”

“One of those was a pamphlet about gestational diabetes--which I don’t even have.” You took the gown and stepped into it, tying it in the back before climbing up on the table. 

He took his hands away without even asking if you were clothed, rolling his eyes and making a face. “I’m just trying to care, okay? However will you forgive me?” 

You fought back the laugh that tried to crawl up from your belly. “I appreciate your caring. And your reading.”

“Good,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest as he sat back in his seat. “You should. Where do you want to go to dinner tonight?”

You thought on it for a second. “Know any good barbeque places? Some ribs sound so good.”

His eyebrows lifted, he watched you for a second. 

“What?” You asked, a sudden nervousness in your chest. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

He broke eye contact for a second, let out a tiny laugh and then looked back up at you, a shit-eating grin on his face. “Just didn’t know it’d be that easy to get you to hang out with me.”

“Oh shut up,” you said with a laugh, adjusting on top of the sanitary paper. “I’m hungry. It’s almost dinnertime anyway.”

“The only bad news is that I don’t know a good barbeque place.”

“That is bad news,” you said. “There’s one near my house. We can just go there. Or--get take out,” you corrected. 

Okay, so maybe it bothered you a little bit. At this point, feeling like you were a secret and the baby inside of you was a secret was a recipe for feeling like a big, old, shameful one night stand that he probably regretted. But you weren’t about to tell him that. 

“Is Lexi home tonight?”

You nodded.

“We could invite Glenne and Jeff, too, if you want. Or it could be just us, that’s fine.”

You didn’t have a chance to answer, though you wanted to say either would be fine. Dr. Weston knocked and offered a smile, how are both parents feeling? 

She asked the same questions: new symptoms? Any bleeding? Mood? Appetite? Headaches? You answered and nodded along, listening to the advice she gave about any lower back soreness as you started to really gain some weight. 

When she had the ultrasound machine on and when you had laid back and assumed the position, Harry pulled his chair up to be right next to you.

“Definitely growing in there,” Dr. Weston smiled, reaching up to point at the screen. 

“Wow--she actually looks like a baby now.”

“Yeah,” Dr. Weston laughed a bit. “Less of a plum and more a baby.” But she turned, after that, her eyebrows furrowing at the screen before she looked at Harry again. “How did you know it’s a girl?”

“It’s a girl?” you asked, lifting yourself on your elbows to look at the screen closer. “How do you know?”

She turned the screen to show you better, moved the probe along your lower tummy. “Well--if she weren’t, we’d see something right there between her legs.”

“So I’m right?” He looked at you with wide eyes, a smug look of excitement on his face. “We’re having a girl?”

“You are,” Dr. Weston nodded. “I hope it’s okay that you know now.”

Harry clapped his hands together and stood from his seat. “I knew it, Y/N. I totally called it.”

“It’s fine that we know, we wanted to,” you assured her. Harry had already grabbed his phone, likely bragging to Jeff and Glenne that he’d been right. “Now I just have to deal with this know it all, now.”

“Well congratulations,” she removed the probe and clicked a few things on the screen. “Fourteen weeks and everything looks great.”

You smiled, sat up and looked over at Harry, he looked up from his phone and smiled at you. “S’a girl.”

“I know,” you nodded, voice quiet. 

Dr. Weston ducked out of the room quietly, saying she’d see you soon before shutting the door to offer privacy.

“Did you already tell everyone we know?”

“No,” he laughed, letting his phone call into his pocket. “Just my mum and sister.”

You hopped down from the table and he handed you your clothes. 

“Are you happy it’s a girl?”

“I’m happy she’s healthy, and that I’m healthy,” you laughed. “But yes--a girl will be fun.”

“We’d make anything fun,” he said, stepping forward to wrap his arms around your shoulders, the fabric of the gown was scratchy on your skin. You looked up at him, and for a second, you wondered how it would feel to kiss him.

**

Jeff’s mouth was wide open, he was still, a look of shock on his face as Glenne let out a laugh loud enough that the neighbor’s might complain.

“Don’t,” Harry groaned, his eyes pleading with you to not embarrass him any further. 

“They were expired?!” Lexi’s eyes were wide, she looked between the two of you from her spot on the floor, take out on her lap. “That’s fucked man.”

“I didn’t know they were, obviously!” He defended.

Glenne shrugged her shoulders. “Just getting laid that infrequently.” 

“Alright, s’not my primary residence.”

“So wait,” Jeff said. “When did you find this out?”

A drop in your stomach, the nervous kind like you’d said the wrong thing. 

“When she was over once for dinner. Gave her the grand tour and we obviously had to stop by the scene of the crime,” Harry borrowed the language you once used to describe his sprawling bedroom. 

“He can definitely cook but apparently he doesn’t read expiration dates,” you laughed.

“So it’s all your fault,” Lexi laughed, reaching for another drink. “Bet that was tough news.”

Your eyes flashed over to Jeff, curious to see his reaction. In a way, Lexi wasn’t wrong. Sure--you’d fed Harry the response that it’s no one’s fault, and yeah, okay, you could live with that being the agreement everyone settled on. 

But it was also nice to know that it wasn’t anything you did. 

Harry rolled his eyes and pushed himself up off the couch when his phone rang. “One day you���re all going to feel terrible for saying that when you’re in love with our baby. It’s John--I’ll take it outside.”

Jeff followed behind him when Harry signaled for him to, the back door to the patio and small yard slid shut behind them.

“How ya been doin’ lately?” Glenne asked, leaning forward to grab the glass of wine she’d been nursing. 

“Fine,” you said. 

“Yeah?” She eyed you skeptically, Lexi dunked her fork into her green curry. 

“I’m handling the stress and constant anxiety as best as I can,” you admitted.

Glenne pouted. “What are you anxious about?” 

You let out a sigh, hesitant to say anything that would make her feel in the middle. “I just feel like Jeff thinks I fucked everything up or did this on purpose.”

Lexi sipped at her glass of wine. “What makes you think that?”

“I dunno--every time we’re all together I feel like he wants me to maintain a six foot distance or something.”

“He can’t tell you what to do or how to interact with him, Y/N,” Glenned tried to reassure you. “All he can do is give advice or give his input.”

“What if his input to Harry is that he shouldn’t ever talk to me or see me?”

“Bitch, you outrank him!” Lexi sat up straight and looked at you like you were losing your mind. “He’s his manager, he’s a friend. You are the mother of that man’s child. You are going to push his baby through your coochie!”

You let out a laugh, threw her a sideways glance. “I mean, I don’t know if outrank is fair.”

Glenne held up a hand, trying to get her two cents in before Lexi went off again. “He’s not mad--I don’t know why you think he’s mad.”

“Okay--fine, he’s not mad. But do you really want to try to convince me that I’m his favorite person on the planet right now?”

She rolled her eyes at that. “Y/N--he’s stressed. His client got his girlfriend’s friend knocked up. This is all going to explode into a thousand crazy headlines and he’s trying to keep it all somewhat contained. He loves you.”

You let out a long sigh at that, looked through the sliding door and watched as Harry gestured wildly, the phone sat on the small patio table between them. Jeff laughed at something he said and sipped at the beer that Harry was undoubtedly jealous of. 

Jeff had always thought you were funny. You knew that. When you got a good amount of tequila in you, you were no stranger to comedy or outrageous accents with Lexi and Glenne. Jeff would laugh his head off and there was even one time he made you drunkenly take obnoxious snapchat selfies with the stupid filters. It was probably the highlight of your relationship. 

So that night, after dinner was eaten and Netflix was watched, you tried to harness the courage that Lexi and Glenne had instilled in you. 

When Jeff came out of the bathroom, Glenne pulled herself up from a couch, a dramatic groan escaped her mouth when she smiled over at you and stretched. “Alright, my dear. Eat well, sleep well, take care of that sweet little muffin.”

“Okay,” you nodded. “So far, so good.”

Lexi had already retreated to her room, beauty sleep, y’all. Jeff waited as Glenne put her wine glass in the sink, hands on his hips. “Are you hitting the road too?”

His question was directed at Harry. He shifted on the couch. “Uh--might stay for a bit, if that’s alright?” 

Now he looked at you, and once again, you wondered if this sort of thing was allowed. An awkward look in Jeff’s direction, Glenne’s eyes were a bit wide, a smirk threatened to twist her lips into a full blown smile. 

“Yeah,” you said, looking around at all of them. “S’fine.”

You were all for following the rules and doing what you needed to do to protect everyone. But something about watching another episode of The Office on Netflix with the father of your child felt pretty safe. And maybe Glenne was right. Maybe you did outrank him. And if you didn’t, maybe one day you would. 

“Alright, well, we’ll see you both at some point in the next week, I’m sure.”

“Are we on for Saturday night still? With Tom?”

“Yeah,” Jeff said, watching as Glenne grabbed her purse from the counter. “I’ll text you.”

They said their goodbyes and headed out the front door, when it clicked into place you looked over at Harry. 

“Would you actually tell me if Jeff hated me?”

“Why would he hate you?”

“Because you got me pregnant.”

“He doesn’t hate you,” he shook his head, a smile tugged at his lips. “S’my fault, remember?”

“He might not see it that way.”

He rolled his eyes at you. “I just know.”

“How do you know?”

“Trust me, I would know if he hated you. He’s a terrible liar. He’d never be able to hang out with you if he didn’t like you.”

You were quiet, looked back down at the remote in your hands and picked at the skin around your thumb. 

He turned himself towards you on the couch, his voice quiet in the living room. “Why are you nervous about that?”

You shrugged, trying to fight back a smile. “I’m still trying to get over the whole fear about ruining your life.”

He rolled his eyes at that, a laugh escaping his lips when his arm reached up to the back of the couch. “You’re ridiculous! I can tell you a thousand times and you won’t believe me.”

“Probably not.”

“You didn’t ruin my life.”

“Okay.” You stood from the couch and moved towards the kitchen, bringing the glass that Lexi had left behind over to the dishwasher. 

He followed behind, watched with narrowed eyes as you tried to tidy. “I mean it,” he laughed. 

You turned around, hands on the counter as you looked at him. It was late, the light in Lexi’s room was off, you hoped she didn’t have her ear pressed up against the door. Mostly because you didn’t want her to hear what you said next. 

“I just don’t want you to leave.”

He took a step forward, brows furrowed. “Tonight?”

“No--like, in general.”

His lips parted at that, a pause before he sighed, another step forward. 

“Sorry,” you said quickly. “I didn’t mean to be weird. I’m just--scared sometimes.”

“I know,” he was close now, his chest almost pressed against yours. His fingers reached up and tugged at the hem of your shirt, “I’m not going anywhere.”

You nodded, stared down at the floor now as if looking up in his eyes would somehow make it more risky. As if ignoring the fear and the doubt and everything that bubbled inside of you when you tried to get your mind off of it would keep you safe, keep her safe. 

His hand nudged at your chin, lifted it up so you had to look at him. Something in his eyes felt promising--or maybe it was the way you felt his lips curl into a smile once they were pressed against yours.

table of contents | talk to me + join the tag list

**author’s note: **FINALLY!!!!! No but really, thank god. It’s been tough to wait to share that with you. Things are finally heating up in here! You know I’m a fucking sucker for a slow burn.

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[sunriserose1023]

Deep Blue, Painted Golden {1}

WORD COUNT: 1947 WARNINGS: Celebrity Steve, celebrity reader, light angst AUTHOR’S NOTE: Here’s the start of a new series, based off the prompt “Sports,” which I got from @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan​ for “Star’s Multi-Fandom Follower Celebration.” Steve is the quarterback of a football team, while the reader is loosely based on Taylor Swift’s meteoric star power.

Masterlist

“All I’m saying, how long do you expect to be doing this for? Would it be the worst thing to get a little backup plan going?” “He’s not going to be selling cars like Terry Bradshaw. He could break into movies or—“ “Get real.”

Steve snorted a laugh, shaking his head when the men in the room turned to look at him. 

“Go ahead. Keep talking about me like I’m not here. In fact, let me go ahead and leave you to it.”

The team of lawyers and his agent all started protesting and Steve shook his head, sliding his phone out of his pocket as he left the office. He tapped the screen a few times as he waited for the elevator, stepping inside it and typing out a text. He moved to rest a hip against the railing at the back, staring at his phone when the elevator stopped on the next floor. He listened to the elevator door open and shut, heard a muffled whispering from the people who’d climbed onto the elevator with him. 

“Excuse me, mister?”

God, kids with lisps just melted his heart. He looked up from his phone, seeing the little boy in front of him widen his eyes.

“It is you! You’re Steve Rogers!”

Steve smiled, nodding his head as he crouched down, holding out a hand. 

“Hey, buddy. How are you?”

The little boy grinned, showcasing the space where his front teeth should be, the cause of the lisp. He enthusiastically shook Steve’s hand, then turned that brilliant smile towards the woman before them. 

“Mom! Mom, look! It’s Steve Rogers!” “I see, baby. Did you tell him how you love watching his games?”

The little boy nodded as he looked back to Steve. 

“Me and my dad watch all your games, Mister Rogers. You’re our favorite QB in the whole league.”

Steve smiled. 

“Well, thank you, buddy. I hope you watch this next season.” “Oh, we are. You’re going to take us to the Super Bowl this year, Dad swears.” “I’m going to do my best.” “Hey, Mom?”

Steve stood and watched the boy whisper to his mother, who turned to Steve with an apologetic look on her face. 

“Would you mind if we took a picture?”

Steve shook his head. 

“Not at all. I love getting pictures with future QBs.”

The little boy grinned up at him. 

“I’m not a great thrower, but I can run like hell.”

Steve laughed as the mother admonished the child, turning to Steve and shaking her head. 

“He knows better than to talk like that. His father …”

She rolled her eyes and Steve smiled. 

“We need fast receivers worse than we need QBs. Come here, bud.”

Steve knelt to the kid’s level, both of them giving the camera a thumb’s up. Steve signed the back of a receipt the mom found in her purse for the kid, then another one for his dad, thanking the both of them before they all exited the elevator. Steve could hear the kid chattering away as he went for the parking garage, keeping his head down to try and detract the fans. He found his truck and climbed inside, starting it up and leaning his head back. 

“Incoming call from Bucky Barnes.”

Steve nodded, tapping a button on his steering wheel. 

“Rogers.” “Rogers, this is Barnes. Where the fuck are you?”

Steve smiled, closing his eyes. 

“Leaving Fury’s office. You?” “Ooh, what did you get called to the principal’s office for? Were you fraternizing with a cheerleader again?” “That was one time, and come to think of it, wasn’t that you and not me?”

The line was quiet and Steve snorted. 

“Busted.” “Seriously though. Everything kosher?” “As kosher as it gets with Fury. They’re pushing the retirement angle.” “Again? Fuck that shit. You’ve still got a few good years left in you. That cannon’s not ready to be put down just yet.”

Steve smiled, rolling his shoulder, letting out a sigh. 

“I don’t know, Buck. Maybe they’ve got a point.” “Maybe you need to not go down that road again. I can’t stand you when you wallow.” “Well, I can barely stand you on a good day, so…” “Jackass.”

Steve laughed, shaking his head. 

“I don’t know. I just … maybe I just need to get away for awhile. We don’t start camp for—” “Shit, we’ve got plenty of time before camp. Hey, I’ve got a friend who’s been bugging me to visit the south of France with her. Want to tag along?” “As long as this one doesn’t believe we’re a two-for-one kind of deal.”

Bucky cackled through the speakers and Steve rolled his eyes. 

“Oh, hey. You remember Wanda Maximoff?” “Wasn’t she one of our cheerleaders?” “Yeah, from a few years ago. We kept in touch once she left and she’s in a new play in the West End, says she can get me a couple tickets if I want to come see it.” “The West End? Isn’t that London?” “Right-o, Geography Jack. Want to go visit jolly old England?”

Steve pursed his lips, raising his eyebrows. 

“I haven’t seen London in a while.” “So let’s go, just me and you. We can catch Wanda’s play, catch up with her and have pints in the middle of the afternoon.”

Steve rolled his eyes, but smiled. 

“Let’s do it. Want me to book the flights?” “If you mean do I want Maria to book the flights, then yes. Yes, I do. In the good hotel with the turndown service.” “There was a ‘please’ in there, wasn’t it?” “Not for you. I send Maria flowers for all the crap she does for you.” “For us.” “‘S what I said.”

Steve shook his head, straightening in the seat and pulling his seatbelt on. 

“I’ll call her and get it started. How soon do you want to go?” “You know me, baby. I’m up for anything, anytime. I’m just following you, Captain.” “I’ll text you the details.”

Steve ended the call, putting the truck in reverse and driving out of the parking lot. He couldn’t tell his best friend, but he was dying for a change of scenery. He needed to get away from everyone knowing who he is, having photographers track his every move, seeing his face on the cover of every magazine at the checkout stand. 

He loved his job, and he honestly liked the fame that came with it. He knew what he was getting into when he signed up for the draft. He liked having the models on his arm when he was younger, but now … the older he got, the more aches that set in, the more he was longing for something more. 

He wasn’t sure what that was just yet. Something outside a football field? He didn’t have any skills other than being a quarterback, and a damn good one at that. Five Super Bowl rings, seven Pro Bowl appearances, endorsement deals with Nike and Gatorade, and thousands of adoring fans across the country. It was nice being Steve Rogers; he had a good life and he was grateful for it. 

But he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was missing. 

You stirred the eggs in the pan, sprinkling in some cheese and smiling when it melted. You moved the tea kettle off the burner as soon as it began to whistle, grabbing the toast as it popped out of the toaster. You glanced over your shoulder and smiled as your cousin made her way down the hall, eyes widening and blinking. 

“You made breakfast?” “Cheesy eggs, toast, and tea. It’s not exactly a spread, but—“ “It’s more than the protein bar I was going to have. Thank you, darling.”

Peggy sat at the table and you brought her a plate, setting it in front of her and passing her the salt and pepper. You went back and fixed your own plate, then took the seat across from her. Peggy took a bite and sighed, the blissful look on her face bringing a smile to yours. 

“Absolutely delightful.” “Why, thank you.”

Peggy smiled, sipping her tea. 

“Any plans today?”

You shook your head, glancing out the window. 

“Maybe walk around and explore a bit. No one’s supposed to know that I’m here, so maybe I can have a minute to rest.”

Peggy nodded, and the conversation stilted, the silence that settled over the two of you growing suddenly uncomfortable. You sighed, pushing a hand through your hair. 

“I know you want to ask, and I promise I’ll tell you. I just … I need to just breathe for a while.” “I completely understand, darling. Take your time.”

You nodded, and Peggy lifted her teacup. 

“Just …”

You lifted your eyes towards her and she sighed. 

“You’re not in trouble, are you?” “If you mean ‘is the mob going to be coming after me,’ the answer is no. Trouble … is a finicky word.” “But you’re alright?”

You sighed, pushing the eggs around on your plate. 

“I don’t know anymore.” “Is there anything I can do to help?” “Besides give up half your living space to me? Honestly, Peg. You’ve done more than enough.” “I just want you to feel comfortable here. You’re always welcome with me, and I hope you know that.”

Tears filled your eyes and you nodded. Peggy reached across the table and you took her hand, giving a shaky sigh. 

“I’ll be okay. I just need a break.” “Take all the time you need, dear.”

She gave your hand a squeeze, then dabbed her napkin at her lips. 

“I’ve got to hurry or I’ll be late. Can’t afford to get sacked from this job.”

You smiled and she drank the rest of her tea, taking her empty plate to the sink and coming back to kiss your cheek. 

“Take the day and be lazy. I’m not sure you’ve done that since you were fourteen years old.” “I was so busy back then.” “I know, darling.”

Peggy turned and walked away, and you crossed your arms over your chest, looking out at the dreary morning. You took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, smiling back at Peggy when she walked into the room with her purse in her hand and heels on her feet. 

“Don’t turn on the telly if you can help it.” “Why?”

She didn’t answer and you hung your head, putting your elbows on the table and your head in your hands. Peggy walked over and kissed the top of your head, nails gently scritching your back before she made her way out the door. 

You lifted your head and stared out the window, shaking your head and giving a deep sigh. You’d wanted to see this side of London, the small village Peggy called home, but the more you thought about it, the more you let your anxiety get the better of you, and you decided to stay in today. You left the dishes in the kitchen sink and walked back down the hall to the spare bedroom Peggy had set up for you. There was a picture of you on the nightstand from your sixteenth birthday, the first time you played Madison Square Garden. You were standing on the stage in the pale pink dress you loved, a wide smile on your lips, glitter in your hair and around your eyes, tears shining on your cheeks. 

You picked up the picture and ran your fingers over the glass. You shook your head, giving a deep sigh as you set the frame back on the nightstand, dropping your robe and crawling back into bed, pulling the covers over your head.

TAGS: @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan, @bluemindblacksoul, @maraudingmarauder, @queenie4ce, @ivoryhazlewood, @capsiclesdoll, @aspiring-fangirls-world, @stonyiscanon, @shhhs3cret, @beardburnsupersoldiers, @thefanficfaerie, @patzammit, @free2bmee, @buckybarneshairpullingkink, @isaxhorror, @paige-sais-rawr, @theunofficialduke, @mizzzpink​, @sea040561​, @nerdy-bookworm-1998​, @unapologeticallymimi​, @queenoftrash97​, @xxashy999xx​, @ishirogersworld​, @whimsicalatbest​

[queertazsecretsanta]

A gift for @tobytrashoftrash, created by @primatechnosynthpop!

Some Kravitz/Taako/Magnus for you! Enjoy!

~~

The sun was sinking low in the horizon, casting a dazzling array of soft pinks and purples and oranges across the sky. Down on the ground, a fresh dusting of snow coated the landscape. Although the view of the outdoors was obscured by frost on the classroom windows, it was clear that it was shaping up to be a beautiful evening. Taako's students squirmed in their seats as he ran through the final magic lesson of the semester, and he had to admit that he was getting pretty antsy as well. The sooner he wrapped things up and sent everyone home, the sooner he could finally finish his long-overdue Candlenights shopping.

"…And so you move your casting implement like this," he addressed the crowd of fidgety students, swishing the prop wand he used for class demonstrations. "And just like that, you can whip yourself up a tasty holiday treat! This spell can be a real lifesaver sometimes--like when Susan promised to bring desserts to your Candlenights party and then flaked out at the last moment, just as an example."

He cast a glance at the clock mounted on the wall behind him. The hour hand was gradually approaching the 3, although the minute hand was lagging behind between the 8 and the 9. Eh, what the hell, he thought. Close enough.

"Okay, it's time to head home," he said, clapping his hands together and putting on a big theatrical grin. "Remember what I've taught you and, uh, don't party too hard? Nah, scratch that, party as hard as you want. See you on the flipside!"

At that, he heard a faint whoop from toward the back of the classroom, although he wasn't sure which one of his students it was. With a bemused smile, he tucked his prop wand into his purse, which he slung over his shoulder while his students gathered up their own supplies and jumped out of their seats. He hung back for a moment, giving his students the chance to file out first, but didn't lag behind for too long. He had places to go too, after all.

Immediately upon stepping outside, Taako was caught off guard by just how low the temperature had already dropped. It had been hovering around zero degrees celsius earlier that day, but judging by the way the wind nipped at his ears, that number had significantly dropped since then. Fighting back a shiver, he zipped up the winter coat which Kravitz had insisted he wear despite how dorky it looked and stuffed his hands in the pockets. The hood was a little cumbersome to fit around his ears, but he put it up nonetheless. He then scurried down the walkway away from his school as fast as possible. Kravitz was still at work, which of course meant that Lup and Barry were still working as well, and Magnus was probably out doing some shopping of his own, so this would have to be a solo mission. It was more convenient that way, really; shopping alone meant that nobody could peek at what Taako was buying for them.

A few metres down the sidewalk, his stone of farspeech crackled to life in his purse, broadcasting a loud but muffled voice. Without slowing down his brisk pace, Taako took the stone out and held it up to his ear to hear better.

"Hey, Taako," Magnus's projected voice greeted him. "I've finished carving Kravitz's present, so if you wanted to come home and put some enchantments on it or whatever, this would be a good time."

"Sorry, Mags, it'll have to wait," Taako replied. "Making friends was a mistake, because I've got a billion fucking people to get gifts for and today is the last day before all the shops are gonna be closed for the holidays. I'll get home as soon as I can, though," he added. "Love you, bye."

He turned the stone off and tucked it back into his purse just as he approached the store that would be his first place of interest: HMV (the store name, of course, stood for "Handy Magic Valuables"). Inside, the shelves were looking pretty bare as a crowd of shoppers milled around, filling the shop with a dull rabble that thankfully drowned out the chipper holiday tunes playing over the intercom. He made a beeline for the Kenny Chesney records and selected one he was pretty sure Merle didn't already own, then perused the selection of kid's movies, scanning the shelves for the flick Angus had mentioned wanting to own. The kids' section in particular was already pretty thoroughly picked clean, and for a moment he was afraid that the item he was after was already sold out, but upon glancing one aisle over his eyes landed on a copy of Detective Pikachu haphazardly tucked in amongst a bunch of remastered classic horror movies. While he was looking at that particular selection, he picked out the cheesiest-looking one he could find (something about a ghost shark that looked like it had been made on the budget of two cents and some pocket lint) as a gift for Barry. In the checkout line, he picked out some novelty socks with a rude saying on them for Lup.

After leaving HMV, he headed over to Fantasy Home Depot to pick up some stuff for Hurley and Sloane. On the way, he got another stone of farspeech call, this time from Kravitz.

"Hello?"

"Hi, babe, it's me," Kravitz said--he insisted on introducing himself that way no matter how much Taako made fun of him for it. "The Raven Queen is letting us off work early for the holiday, so I'm calling to let you know I'm coming home a bit early."

"Can she do that?" Taako asked.

"Well, she is a goddess, so she can do whatever she pleases."

"Yeah, I guess that tracks. So," he said in his least suspicious tone possible, "Are you home yet, or…?"

"Not just yet, but I'm about to head home." Kravitz paused, and when he spoke up again, there was a teasing note to his voice. "Why, are you and Magnus planning something you don't want me to know about?"

Taako bit back a string of curses, instead setting for grinding his teeth even though everybody and their goldfish told him it was an unhealthy habit. Yes, in fact, Magnus had set aside a half-hour every day for over a month to carve Kravitz a brand-new piano. Taako, meanwhile, had been scoping out all the local pet stores, planning to surprise Kravitz with a new cat and Magnus with a new dog (in addition to the Candlenights feast he cooked for both his boyfriends every year). Sure, it was a pretty big investment, but Taako's financial situation was better than his younger self could ever have dreamed--and besides, even if that wasn't the case, it would still be worth it to see the looks on his boyfriends' faces. He had no idea what if anything Kravitz was planning for Magnus, and what either of them were planning to do for him; his boyfriends were surprisingly adept at keeping secrets from him, probably because they knew him better than the average person.

"Um, no, we're not planning anything in particular," he lied. "But I'm actually out doing some shopping, so if you want to come rendezvous with me at Fantasy Home Depot, maybe we can pick out some gifts together. How's that sound?"

As soon as the words left his mouth, he bit back another even louder string of curses. Shit, no, he can't be with me when I head over to the pet store!

"Um, scratch that," he added before Kravitz could say anything in response. "I actually just remembered that I left my, er, my scarf at the school. So if you could pop over there and see if you can find it, that would be great. Okay, love you, bye!"

He cut the call off in a hurry as he headed into Fantasy Home Depot. On previous years, this had been his destination when it came to shopping for Magnus, and for Kravitz he had usually gotten some sort of novelty item shaped like a skull. It was amazing how the same goof landed every year; he almost wondered if Kravitz would be disappointed not to receive a skull-shaped drinking glass or lawn ornament or whatever this year.

He had already bought a new compass for Davenport and a glitzy novelty ornament for Lucretia, and Ren had insisted that she didn't need any gifts (although he still planned to prepare a special tray of sweets as a gift for her, that still meant he didn't have to buy anything for her aside from maybe a couple of baking ingredients). Once he had picked up the power tool and canister of engine oil that the battlewagon racers had requested, the only shopping he had left came in the form of two fuzzy little companions for the men he loved.

~~

When Magnus had taken it upon himself in mid November to start carving a grand piano from scratch, he had been pretty sure he wouldn't get it done in time for Candlenights. Two weeks into the project, when it had just been a big old block of wood hidden away in his workshop with what barely seemed like an indent in it, he had made a secretive late-night trip up to the Fantasy Bargain Shop and bought a skull-shaped lamp as a backup gift in case things fell through. Now, though, as he stepped back to admire the product of his work--a flawlessly carved grand piano, varnished and freshly painted black--his chest swelled with the pride of a job well done. Now all he had to do was check on Taako's gift to make sure everything was in order, and they'd be good to go.

Just as Magnus turned to leave his workshop, he heard the distinctive ripple noise of one of Kravitz's portals opening upstairs. He scrambled for a sheet big enough to cover the piano and hastily tugged it into place, making sure the gift was sufficiently hidden before heading upstairs to greet him.

"Hey, Krav! How was work today?" he asked, running up to Kravitz and giving him a clap on the back. "Taako is out doing some shopping right now, so he probably won't be home for a while."

"Yes, so he told me," Kravitz said, a note of something like irritation in his voice. "He also told me that he had accidentally left his scarf at his magic school, but I looked all over the place and didn't see any such thing. And wouldn't you know it…" He swiveled his head towards the dining room; Magnus followed his gaze to see Taako's scarf draped over the back of a chair. "Do you suppose he was trying to delay my coming home for some reason?"

"Could be," Magnus said with a shrug. It was only after he had spoken that he realized that was definitely Taako's motivation, probably to prevent Kravitz from seeing the piano. He repeated his shrug with a little more emphasis, then laid a hand on Kravitz's shoulder and gently guided his line of sight towards the fridge. "So, I was wondering if those liquor candies Merle gave us were any good," he said. "Why don't we get into them and see for ourselves?"

"Your restraint truly knows no bounds," Kravitz said, flashing him a teasing smile. "But I really would like to know why Taako wanted me out of the house so badly."

"Um, could be that he was embarrassed by how dirty it is," Magnus said. "We haven't had time to do much cleaning, you know. So we're gonna be real busy tomorrow if we want to have anyone over."

Even as he spoke he internally winced at how unconvincing a lie it was--if only Taako himself was there to think of a good cover. (Or he could just tell him the truth, he supposed, but that would ruin the effect and he really did want the piano to be a surprise.) Sure enough, Kravitz didn't exactly seem convinced; he crossed his arms and arched an eyebrow at Magnus.

"I live here, darling. You think our boyfriend would lock us out for such a reason? Back when I first met him and he was more guarded, maybe, but even then--"

"Or it could be a different reason," Magnus interjected, blurting the words out a bit more loudly than necessary. "We just don't know! But, for real," he added, "Don't worry about it. I promise you, it is nothing to worry about. On a completely unrelated note, welcome home, but please don't look in my workshop."

"Why, what's in the workshop?" Kravitz asked. "Other than that piano you've been carving, of course. Tell me, is it a gift for someone? Of course you know that I don't play piano, only the violin and the occasional woodwind instrument, but…"

He kept talking, but his words didn't reach Magnus's ears; his brain completely shut down for several seconds upon hearing the piano mentioned in such casual terms. When all of what Kravitz was saying caught up with him, his blood froze over. Shit. Fuck. Goddamn it. He knew about his surprise gift? Had known about it basically the whole time? And what's more, he didn't even want it as a gift--wouldn't have any use for it! Even beyond the matter of Magnus's hard work potentially going to waste, what was he going to get for Kravitz now? (He still had no clue what Taako was planning to get for either of them, so even if he did run out and get something now, it may well end up being the same thing Taako had bought for him and he really didn't want to repeat the fiasco of two years ago, when he and Kravitz had both bought Taako the exact same brand of confectioners' sugar.)

"Um, if you'll excuse me," he interjected, grabbing his stone of farspeech off the coffee table in a swift and hopefully not too obvious motion. "I need to go check the mailbox."

With that, he darted outside into the cold winter air, slamming the door shut behind him before Kravitz could respond. His back pressed against the door, he bent over to catch his breath. The cool air stung at his throat as he panted, and his exhales curled up in front of him in little puffs of white, the same colour as the snow. Once his heart had settled back down into its proper spot in his ribcage, he dialed Taako's number on his stone. Luckily, Taako picked up almost immediately, answering with a casual "Yeah?"

"Oh, Taako, this is bad," Magnus hissed, glancing through the window to make sure Kravitz wasn't listening in. "Kravitz knows about the piano I carved for him, and he says he doesn't want it as a gift! Well, he didn't directly say that, but he told me he doesn't play the piano, so he couldn't use it even if we did give it to him. What should I do? Are you almost home?"

"Oh, shit, that's tough," Taako said, letting out a low whistle. Magnus could picture him wincing and adjusting his hat, if he was wearing it--although a glance inside through the window revealed his signature wizard hat hung up on a hook next to his cloak of the manta ray, so perhaps he was going hatless that day. "Um, I'm still not gonna be home for a few minutes, so hang in there 'till I get back, okay?"

"Wait, babe, don't hang up yet," Magnus pleaded. "He's your boyfriend too, remember? Don't you want him to be happy with the gift he gets?"

"Course I do," Taako replied. "That's why I'm out picking up something for him right now. And listen, Maggie, I'm sure Krav won't hold it against you if you just end up giving him a hairbrush with a skull decal on it."

"You know, that's funny; I was just about to ask if I should give him the skull lamp," Magnus said.

Then he paused, listening to the background noise on Taako's side of the call. It sounded like he was in a pretty busy shop--of course, all the shops would be busy right about then--but the weird part was that he could hear what he swore was barking. Quite a lot of barking. And maybe some meowing and other noises too? Brows furrowing, Magnus pressed the stone directly against his ear so he could hear better.

"Hey, you're not at a pet store or anything, are you?" he asked.

"Just here to admire the exotic birds," Taako said. "Listen, though, I've really got to stop lollygagging around here at this pet store that I'm not buying anything from, and head on into the other store next door, which sells other non-pet stuff that I'm gonna buy. Catch you later."

Although Magnus grumbled to himself, initially discouraged when Taako ended the call, his boyfriend's words quickly gave him an idea. Tucking his stone away in his pocket, he stepped off the back porch out into the yard, where Taako and Kravitz had hung up several birdfeeders (he had carved some of said birdfeeders himself, and yet the storebought ones always seemed to be the most popular, which plagued him with irritation). It was too cold out for the yard to exactly be bustling--for once there wasn't a squirrel to be seen--but a few ravens were hopping around at the bases of the birdfeeders. Locking his eyes onto one of the birds, Magnus dropped into a crouching position. It was time to put some of his rogue training to use.

~~

By the time Taako finally got home, Kravitz was anxious enough that he jumped at the sound of the doorbell. From downstairs, he heard Magnus yell "I'll get it!" followed by the sound of his footsteps thundering upstairs. In that time, Kravitz had already come to the door; he held it open for Taako as he walked inside without even stopping to kick the snow off his boots first. Taako carried two shopping bags in each hand, and he was balancing a large box with holes in them under each arm. Kravitz regarded his boyfriend with mild concern as he staggered inside and set down first the boxes, with an unexpected gentleness, and then the shopping bags. Stooped over all his purchased goods, Taako's torso heaved with the weight of exhausted breaths.

"Are you alright, love?" Kravitz asked, unsure whether to chuckle or be worried. "It looks like you've done a lot of shopping."

"Yeah, no shit," Taako wheezed. Then, straightening up and wiping sweat off his brow: "So, have you got everybody checked off your list yet? Cause judging by how the shops were looking, you've got about ten minutes before the whole city is completely sold out."

"No, I've already got all my holiday shopping taken care of," Kravitz said (he had given his fellow reapers their gifts at a holiday party the week before, and the presents he planned to give his boyfriends weren't exactly the kind of things you could find at a store). "Do you need help putting these away?"

He cautiously bent down, reaching for one of the shopping bags. Taako made no move to prevent him from grabbing it, so he took it as a sign that the contents of the bag (a large drill tool and a vinyl record) weren't for him. He set about putting the items away while Taako caught his breath. Nothing in the bags was particularly heavy, so he guessed that the heavy things must have been the boxes. He circled back to try to grab one of them, but Taako's gaze snapped up at that and he moved to stand between Kravitz and the boxes.

"Sorry, Krav, this stuff's off-limits right now," he said. Then, glancing over his shoulder at the two boxes: "Although… hmm, how would you and Maggie feel about opening your gifts right now? That's probably make a few things easier."

"Oh, that's a great idea!"

Magnus's exclamation from behind them made Kravitz jump; he hadn't realized he had come upstairs. Turning to look at him, he appeared to be hiding something behind his back, and was hopping from foot to foot with a big nervous grin.

"I mean, only if you guys want to, of course," he added quickly.

An odd noise almost like a squeak sounded from somewhere in the room, although Kravitz couldn't tell where it was coming from--behind Magnus's back? From inside one of the boxes? Maybe even… no, surely not both. Kneeling between the two boxes, Taako glanced between them, making a soft anxious clicking sound. Kravitz raised his eyebrows but didn't comment. He had a building suspicious as to what at least one of the gifts Taako and Magnus had was, but he hoped he was wrong considering what his own gifts to then were. It would make it rather redundant, and more pertinently, they simply couldn't afford to support that many…

"Yeah, that sounds like a plan," Taako said, interrupting his train of thought. "What do you say, Krav?"

"Er, yes, that's fine," Kravitz said, flashing Taako a smile. "Let's get right to it, then."

"I've actually got my gifts for you two right here," Magnus said--yep, definitely hiding something behind his back, and there was an odd strain to his motion as he stepped forward that suggested he was having trouble holding onto it. "I was originally going to give Kravitz something else, but that didn't work out, so I kind of had to improvise, but considering your whole grim reaper deal I think you'll like it."

"Didja get him some skull trinket?" Taako asked. "Cause, hey, that's my job!"

"Huh? No, this is something different," Magnus replied. Neither of them seemed bothered by the fact that this exchange was transpiring directly in front of Kravitz himself. "Anyway, um… on three?"

"Hold on," Kravitz interjected. "I need to open a portal to the astral plane first."

Ignoring the others' bewildered reactions, he summoned his scythe into his hand and swished it through the air in a broad but purposeful stroke. A rippling hole in the fabric of space-time opened up before him, through which he could see the vast expanse of the world beyond. Bending down, he patted his knee and whistled into the opening. Somewhere amidst the inky blackness, two undead being perked up their heads and scampered over towards him. It hadn't been easy talking the Raven Queen into letting Kravitz give his boyfriends undead creatures for Candlenights, but he was certain that the payoff would all be worth it once he showed them the skeletal pets.

"There, now," Kravitz cooed to the skeletal dog and cat standing before him. He gently scooped them up into his arms, then closed the rift so as not to let anything else in or out. "Alright, on three, you said? Three, two, one--"

He turned around, skeletons in hand, to see Taako opening the boxes and Magnus revealing what he'd been keeping behind his back.

There was a beat as the three men stared at each other, their initial expectant grins at each other quickly fading. In Taako's corner, a greyhound puppy waddled out of the box on the left, and a sleek tuxedo cat stepped out of the box on the right. Magnus, meanwhile, held a raven in one hand and what looked like some kind of a strange weasel in the other. He and Magnus both slowly lowered their acquisitions to the floor, where the skeletal animals and the living ones all scampered toward each other and began sniffing each other--aside from the raven, which hopped over to Kravitz without wasting any time. He recognized it as one of the ravens who frequented their backyard; those corvids always had taken as interest in him, and the feeling had been mutual even before Kravitz had begun serving under the Raven Queen. The flesh cat trotted over towards him as well, while the skeletal one gravitated towards Taako and hopped up onto his lap. The weasel-like creature (maybe it was a mongoose?) followed it, albeit with a bit more caution. Both dogs practically charged towards Magnus, and he let out a delighted laugh as they jumped up at him. He fell back, allowing himself to be bowled over; Taako looked up from scratching the skeleton cat behind its spectral ears to give him a fond smile.

"Well," he sighed, "I guess we should've checked with each other first."

"Indeed, this is certainly… well, it's a lot," Kravitz agreed. The cat headbutted his leg as if to agree, or maybe to argue. "Although I must say, I do appreciate the thought."

They looked over at Magnus, who was rolling on his back with laughter and letting the dogs clamber on top of him and slobber all over his face. Taako grimaced at all the dog saliva, and the mongoose (which had now hopped up onto his lap) chittered with disapproval.

"Gonna be hard to look after them all," Taako went on as the mongoose scurried up his arm and onto his shoulder, and the skeleton cat curled up into a ball in his lap and started purring. "I mean, I bought food and supplies for the flesh boys, natch--" He nodded toward the cat at Kravitz's side and the greyhound pup, which was now sitting down directly on top of Magnus and licking him on the nose. "--And I dunno if these bone babies of yours are gonna need much upkeep… but still, it just seems like a lot, right?"

"It is a lot, is the thing," Magnus agreed from his position underneath the dogs. His hands didn't falter from petting them for even a second. "Probably impractical to keep them all, right?"

"Not to mention how dirty the house will get," Kravitz agreed. "Cleaning will be a nightmare with six animals running around…"

He looked down at the raven perched on his leg, and was met with a pang of surprise at the discovery that he was stroking its head. A glance to his side revealed that he was stroking the cat as well, and it seemed to be thoroughly appreciating the gesture; it repeatedly rubbed its head against his leg, purring.

"Yeah. Mm-hmm. Right. For sure," said Taako, in the distinctive tone he slipped into when he got distracted. "We really shouldn't… I mean, we messed up, good goof and all, but…"

He trailed off, and they lapsed into silence save for the purring of the cats, the sound of the dogs licking Magnus's face, and the soft shuffle of the mongoose making itself comfortable in the crook of Taako's shoulder. None of them stopped petting the animals even for a second--Kravitz wasn't sure he could bring himself to pull his hands away even if he wanted to. Finally, after what felt like simultaneously the most relaxing and the most stressful two minutes of his afterlife, Taako let out a heavy sigh and broke the silence.

"We're keeping them, aren't we?"

"Yep," Magnus replied without a moment's hesitation.

"Oh, we absolutely are," Kravitz agreed, breaking into a grin at the confirmation that the others were on the same page as him.

Taako grinned too, and although Magnus's position in relation to the dogs blocked the view of his face, he laughed again--less giddy now, but with just as much joy. Moving carefully so as not to disturb the pets, Kravitz scooted forward and laid his hand atop Taako's. Then, holding his gaze with an affectionate smile, he brushed back Taako's hair and leaned forward to kiss him.

"Joyous Candlenights, love," he murmured.

"Aw, geez, Krav," Taako mumbled, lowering his face as a furious blush spread over his cheeks. "No need to get so sappy…" He darted forward to kiss him back, then pulled back with a grin, still blushing even though they had kissed a thousand times before. "But, yeah, same to you, babe."

"Hey, what about me?" Magnus asked in mock offense. He gently lifted the dogs off of himself and sat up, edging over toward Taako.

"Sorry, dear, no kisses for you until you wipe all that fucking dog slobber off," Taako told him, giving an exaggerated shudder. Despite his words, though, he raised himself up off the ground to give Magnus a kiss on the top of his head. "And happy Candlenights to you, too. To both of you."

A great warmth swelled within Kravitz as Taako sat back down between him and Magnus. He looped an arm around each of their waists and drew them in close, smiling far brighter than he normally let any of his emotions shine through. Outside, the wind was still blowing as cold as ever, and dark clouds covered the moon, carrying the promise of a heavy overnight snowfall. Here and now, though, the three of them were warm and safe and happy--or rather, the nine of them. Yikes, that really was a lot of pets, wasn't it? Still, looking between his companions and the animals, Kravitz decided they could handle it. In any case, no matter how things turned out in the long run, this was a night that they were sure to remember for a long time to come.

[warrentrask0]

6 Steps to Take After Water Damage to Your House

Unfortunately, you cannot stop natural disasters. Although your efforts to minimize damage are greatly appreciated and worthwhile in the long run; it's hard for anyone who has experienced a storm or Earthquake (or other unfortunate event) to know how much they'll be able to withstand Mother Nature’s wrath without assistance when things get worse than expected! Be Prepared with these helpful tips:

Evaluation

When you are faced with a storm, it is important to take certain precautions in order to prevent accidents. In fact, the first thing that should go into effect after getting hit by heavy rains or flooding at home is turning off all power sources and gas valves to avoid hazards. It might seem tedious but believe us - what matters most here are safety measures taken now before the storm hits and causes damage to your home.

Assess Structural Damage

You must check the foundation of your home for new cracks after flood damage. Why? Because waterlogged materials become very heavy and can add stress to the structure, creating even more problems. If you don’t know what to look out for or you prefer someone else does all the hard work - contact an experienced restoration company like ours today.

Check for Mold

When water stands for a while, it can cause mold and mildew to grow. This is especially dangerous because people with allergies or asthma might be triggered by these spores in their home--and leaving them untreated will lead quickly to needing entire panels/furniture replaced!

Take Photos

When a natural disaster strikes, be sure to take photos and videos of the damage. Document everything that has been washed away or otherwise altered. Your insurance company will need this for them make repairs. Requesting compensation can help with replacement costs if you provide enough evidence

Disinfect

Floodwater is not just inconvenience; it's dirty and potentially dangerous. You have to take precautions before touching anything, so you don't contract any diseases from contaminated water! After doing some initial legwork, call your nearest disaster recovery company right away because the scope of work will likely be too much to handle alone.

Drying Process

When the water has nowhere else to go, it will remain inside your home. The best way of getting rid of the excess liquid is by using an industrial brush or submersible pump - whichever you choose. Make sure all windows are opened up high enough for air flow because low-lying areas tend to absorb more moisture. I would also recommend turning on electric fans to dry all wet and damp areas.

Checkout this article for even more advice about water damage prevention and cleanup.

Steps to Take After Water Damage

One of the most devastating things you can ever experience is not having your water damage repair after severe water damage or flooding in your home. Whether you are dealing with broken pipes, leaking appliances, or more serious issues like sewer backups, flooded basements, or even water damage after a fire, they can all cause major issues.

Making matters worse, you have no time to waste in dealing with water damage repair. Mold can start developing in as little as 24 hours, even from small amounts of water. Water damage may also result in all sorts of safety hazards and structural problems that you may not even notice until it’s too late.

Here https://jenkinsrestorations.com/steps-to-take-after-water-damage/

from https://ift.tt/lpnGi0L

[petty-revenge-stories]

I absolutely LOVE people who pay with pennies!

(long story. tl;dr at the end)

Seriously. 4 years ago, I'm cashiering at a whacky mart on a register that holds all the smokes and alcohol. It's 10pm and these two young men (early 20s) come up to the counter. They have three random novelty items (I don't remember they were), but it was strange and unusual to get odd items this late at night. Maybe it was for some fraternity, I don't know. It's a college town so I get weird stuff from frats a lot. I scan the items and tell them their total is $22.xx.

Grinning at each other, they reach into their jackets and slam down two gallon zip-lock bags, full of only pennies. I stare them in the eye, but they didn't even look back at me. Everyone else in line groan and went to other registers. These two kids knew what they were doing, but they didn't know what they were in for because I prepared for this; I knew this was going to inevitably happen. I grinned with them, because I was gonna get paid during this. These pranksters are here for recreation. This convo occurs between Me, Ringleader (the other guy was silent and awkward), and a friendly coworker of mine.

Me: Is this $22.xx?

Ringleader: ...

Me: Did you count it?

Ringleader: Nope.

Me: Are you going to?

Ringleader: Nope.

Me: Is it at least $22.xx?

Ringleader: Don't know.

Me: Nice.

Coworker: Hey! You guys can use the self checkout. It can take all of your coins at once.

Me: Oh, don't worry about it Cowor--

Ringleader: Nope, don't trust them lady. (Partner laughs)

Coworker: What? Why!?

Ringleader: Doesn't count all your change right.

Coworker: I've used them before. It really works!

Me: (to Coworker) I got this.

I unpacked the ziplocks and threw all the pennies on the counter. It was a beautiful, massive shitstorm of a mess. And I digged in it. I was Frank in a dumpster in 'It's Always Sunny'. The two, still averting my gaze, start chuckling as if they were taking away my dignity. They whisper to each other "Dude oh my God," "Dude yeah," "Dude, hilarious." I counted each penny, one by one. My coworker comes up to me.

Coworker: Guess I'll help you count this.

Me: Don't worry about it.

(She looks at me confused. Then she puts on her 'get down to busy' look.)

Coworker: I got your back.

Me: Oh...ok.

We worked up a system where we counted ten, put them in a pile, then with ten stacks of ten pennies we separated them, making $1 piles. We made progress slowly but surely. Some customers came to the line, but we advised them to get to another line. Some of them looked at us confused, but when they saw the counter full of pennies they understood. Some decided to wait, but when they realized it wasn't going to take just a few minutes they took their leave. Another register in the liquor department opened so it wasn't too bad for other customers. We get to about $12 (about 10min in) until I "knocked" over the piles.

Coworker: Neontonsil!

Me: Oops. Sorry.

(Coworker looks at my grin. I give her a wink and tilt my head, motioning her to leave)

Coworker: You know what, I think I better let you do this.

Me: Ha, alright.

(Coworker leaves. I look at the two guys. They are absolutely stunned at the fallen piles of pennies.)

Me: (To Ringleader) Yeah, I'm going to have to count all of this again.

Ringleader: ....Ok.

I started from zero. I count slower then ever, and made my way back up. The duo is entirely silent. I get to about $7, when suddenly I say:

Me: Drats. I lost count. I better start all over again.

Ringleader: Really?

Me: Oh yeah man.

Ringleader: Why!?

Me: I lost count, sir. I could be in trouble if my register doesn't have the right amount of cash, and I don't want to rip you off.

Ringleader: ...

It's about an hour later. My manager walks past, looks at me. I smile at him, and he looks at the counter. He walks away without a word. I eventually count all the change and surprisingly they had only $18!

Me: Hmm, I think that this is $18.

(The duo has been dead silent. They look done for the night.)

Me: I'll recount it.

I fucking recounted it.

Me: I think this is actually $19.xx.

(Without a word, the Ringleader whips out a $5)

Me: Seriously? You had cash?

Ringleader: Needed to get rid of my change.

Me. No problem. I'll just recount this again. I want to make perfectly sure that this is $19, since I counted $18 the first time.

Ringleader: Are you kidding me?

(I shake my head no, completely serious)

He takes out a $20 bill straight out of his pocket and throws it at me. My coworker gives the biggest WHAT THE FUCK face. Internally, I die as well, because they were smart enough to have a backup plan. And the fact that he was touching his cash in his pocket the entire time kinda messed with me. I take the cash, do the transaction, give him his change, thanked him and wished him a good night. The two start to put their pennies back in the ziplock bags and I didn't help them at all. I watched them just as how they watched me. Lots of pennies dropped to the floor, but they didn't care to pick them up. It looked like their souls were sucked out of them. It was past midnight and I clocked out way past when I was supposed to. A lot of my coworkers gave me a thumbs up or told me good night. Even my manager told me 'good job,' the only two words he ever said to me. Went to bed at the dorms after such a great petty penny night and crashed. Strange to say, but I'd love to count pennies again.

TL;DR I recounted 1900 pennies like 5 times. Was it 5 times? I better count again.

[wordcharming]

Thursday In September

There are those who watch Jeopardy and those who watch Wheel of Fortune. (I know, some people watch both…just humor me for a second.) It could be said that one group of spectators is high-brow, educated, intellectual—the folks who peruse The New Yorker and The Economist whilst sipping on their Counter Culture pour-over. While the other tends to be made of up yokels who might not have much to offer in the brains department—those who thumb through People while gulping down Dunkin’s finest. 

Regardless of the target demographic, both shows seem to welcome jolly contestants who proudly exclaim that they’re married and, without fail, mention how wonderful, beautiful and lovely their spouses and children are. But what if they spoke the truth?

“I’m Ted. A yokel from a small town in Alabama who’s married to a whiny woman named Sarah who’s only with me for my money. We have two spoiled, bratty kids, Tessa and Jimmy. I’m currently having a mid-life crisis and I hate my job. Can’t wait to spin the wheel, Pat.” 

These are the things that went through Emily’s head while munching on pretzels with onion hummus, which tasted a lot like heart attack in a can, aka Lay’s French Onion dip, that she once couldn’t get enough of in the ’90s. She was a game show fanatic.

She wasn’t one of those ladies who had dreamt of the perfect wedding day, her Prince Charming, wealth, a career. Despite her old age, she was a lifelong spinster and she’d always preferred career hopping rather than being chained to the same desk for years and years. Since first seeing Supermarket Sweep during its original 1965 airing, all she’d ever really wanted was to be a contestant. She had been an audience member for one episode in 1997, but she never got chosen to compete. 

Each time she was at the ShopRite checkout and she heard the beep, she thought of the fun she could have on the game show. Running down the aisles of the empty grocery store, hurling turkeys and hams into her cart, tearing a clue off a giant inflatable banana, getting into a tug-of-war over with fellow contestants over the diapers, grinding coffee for bonus points! Oh, the joy! Who would accompany her on the show? Would it be her brother, a fellow longtime fan of the game show, or her best friend, Phyllis? She hadn’t thought that far into it. All she knew was that she wanted it. And she wanted it badly.  

Unfortunately for Emily that ship had sailed, for the show had gone off the air entirely in 2003. But all these years later still it was fun to fantasize about sharing the stage with David Ruprecht, his colorful sweaters and his treasure trove of corny jokes. She could only hope that if somehow in some other lifetime she got on the show, she wouldn’t get swept up in the excitement or ever have the chance to ram into David with a cart, which had happened on at least one occasion that she recalled.

These days Emily was a part-time hermit crab peddler at a mall kiosk, working the night shift three days a week and mostly living off her hefty retirement savings. Certainly not the most glamorous job, but she did like it. There was something about her crustacean companions that thoroughly amused her. They each had their own little personalities—Dragon the jerk, lovable Fiona, curious Ian—and their unofficial names, by which she called them. Even though she didn’t really support pet stores and the kiosk owner had a strict don’t ask, don’t tell policy when it came to replenishing the stock, she had fallen in love with these little creatures one morning while mall walking with her frenemies, Gertrude and Penelope, two sisters she’d known since childhood.

The trio had trekked the mall every morning just as the gates cranked open one by one at the storefronts, soft rock music throbbed through what seemed to be invisible speakers, and the smell of hot pretzels began to permeate the stuffy air. They wore matching white t-shirts with My Three Mall Walkers embroidered over the left breast—a Penelope creation. She was never shy to brag about how she’d named the girl gang after her favorite childhood TV show, My Three Sons, how long it had taken her to weave the thick pink thread through the cotton tee, and how fabulous they had turned out. “Right, my lovelies? I did such a beautiful job.” 

Each morning was the same, meet at the double doors of the southwest entrance, the first to be unlocked, adjacent to JCPenney. Almost every time she approached, Emily’s frenemies snickered and then made a quip about her hairpiece, messy turquoise eyeshadow, or “old lady sneakers” followed by a, “Hun, we love you. You know we’re kidding, right?” Some days, when Samuel was working security, the Bobbsey Twins would flash him little coy, yet devilish, grins in synch whilst batting their mascara-slathered eyelashes and he would unlock the door a few minutes early. Though they were octogenarians, they never underestimated the power of flirtation.

This particular Thursday in September had started off just like any other and Samuel had in fact unlocked the doors two minutes before official opening time. The women passed the food court and movie theatre, Kay Jewelers, then H & M, made a right towards Victoria’s Secret, and turned to walk the perimeter of Macy’s. Penelope and Gertrude dominated the conversation as usual while Emily chimed in every now and then. Time flew by and even though it had been nearly an hour, it sure didn’t feel that way. Instead of continuing to the JCPenney finish line, Gertrude and Penelope suddenly bee-lined for the ice skating rink. 

“Emily! C’mon, darling. There’s no one on the ice right now and we feel like causing a wee bit of trouble,” Gertrude exclaimed, her veneers sparkling under the bright fluorescent light almost as if they were winking at Emily. 

Not one to bend the rules, Emily stayed behind and as her two friends giggled like schoolgirls and danced on the ice. Their fun was cut short when seemingly from out of a nowhere a Zamboni shaped like a shopping cart came barreling through.

“Gertrude! Penelope! Watch out for that Zamboni ,” Emily screamed while pointing her finger. “Please get out of the way!”

Before she could warn them any further and before they could take action, the Zamboni took them out like bowling pins. First Gertrude went down, and Penelope immediately followed. 

“…it’s a…but…I thought those things could only go 9 miles per hour…” Emily muttered to herself while sobbing and attempting to run towards the scene. She was of course halted once she crossed the threshold from the polka dot carpet onto the ice, and though it was an interesting struggle, she eventually made her way to the scene.

Her two friends lay there like ragdolls. At some point in the time it took her to get to the middle of the rink the Zamboni had stopped and the driver had gotten out to check on the women. 

“Are you with them? I-I-I-I am just so incredibly sorry. It appears they have no pulse, ma’am. Let me call 9-1-1.” 

Emily stood in the middle of the ice rink shaking uncontrollably and sobbing until the paramedics came and confirmed the passing of her friends. The Zamboni driver tried to console her by softly apologizing and placing a hand on her upper back but, shocked, Emily sat in silence.

Samuel soon arrived with two policewomen in tow, both of whom stood side by side looking down at Emily. 

“This is a crime scene. Everyone off the ice,” barked the brunette on the left. The blonde glanced angrily at the brunette, then smiled as she turned to face Emily, adding, “Sorry for your loss, ma’am. Would you please come with me to tell me what happened?” while extending her hand to help Emily up. “If Samuel would be so kind to escort you to the carpeted area, you can just wait for me at the picnic table,” she added with a smile.

The sly Zamboni driver pivoted toward the exit and the brunette immediately shook her head and exclaimed, “Not you, Mr. Zamboni. Samuel here tells us you were the driver. So stay put because I have a few questions for you.”

Arm in arm with Samuel, Emily slowly made her way off the ice as she heard the conversation fading, “It all started because I needed extra money to feed my ninth child. So I created my Tricked Out Zamboni channel on YouTube—which, by the way already has 2 million fans—” 

“Get to the point already!” the brunette interjected.

“…so after months of dedication I had finally gotten this fine specimen up to 65 mph! Unfortunately these two little old ladies decided to trespass just as I was taking it for a spin. I had no idea they were here. In fact, we don’t even open for another thirty-four minutes. Cheryl must’ve just lifted the gate moments prior so she could go get her morning coffee…”

While listening to Mr. Zamboni’s explanation, Emily was jolted by the thought of what Gertrude and Penelope’s passing really meant: no more having to wake up early and listen to them bicker, brag or complain—they’d seemed to be doing more of all three lately and she was just about at the end of her rope. Not to mention, they had never really been kind to her and they did spend a lot of time making her the butt of their jokes. Between her sniffles and cutting through two salty streams of tears, a smile formed on her face. 

Her thoughts were interrupted by the sight in the distance of the policewomen cuffing Mr. Zamboni and the three of them approaching. Two male backup officers had now gotten to the scene and were promptly instructed to take Mr. Zamboni to the station. The female officers jotted down a witness statement from Emily and said they’d call her if they needed any follow-up information. 

Still shaken, though admittedly not exactly sad anymore, Emily was free to go. She stepped back out into the mall corridor, passing Aldo, Boscov’s, Express, Game Stop and making her way to the exit near JCPenney. She took a few moments to relax and collect her thoughts once she reached Beryl, her blue BMW convertible. She put the top down, cranked up the radio and headed home.

The next morning, to her relief, Emily puttered around the house in her pajamas and rainbow slippers, read The New York Times while sipping her coffee and munching on a toasted English muffin with butter, relishing the unforeseen me time her friends’ deaths had gifted her. Once she was finished, she got up from the table and plopped down in front of the TV. Commercials, commercials, commercials, on every channel. She got so sick of channel surfing that she stopped on a random one on ABC, catching the tail end of another ad for a new incontinence drug. What came next took her by surprise—three people in bright colored t-shirts racing down an aisle with shopping carts. 

“Could this be what I think it is?” she quietly asked herself. 

“Sunday, October 18, it’s a rrrrace against time, to grab the priciest items you can find…the return of the classic game show…” a voiceover purposefully shouted as if directly at Emily. 

She was instantly flooded with jumbled thoughts, images of her two friends’ scowling faces, the odd shopping cart-shaped Zamboni, the sisters’ limp bodies on the ice, and all those times she’d told her friends and relatives about her game show dream.

[travelfoody]

[Click above for the video review.]

Flight: PR115

Route: SFO-MNL

Equipment: Airbus A34-300 (ex-IB)

Cabin: Business Class

Seat: 4H, 4K

Background

Even though I recently reviewed Philippine Airlines’ (PAL) business class on some of their intra-asia routes, it’s been a long time since I last flew PAL on a long haul flight. Actually if memory serves me, the last time was when I was 12 years old on PR104 from Manila to San Francisco. Needless to say, I was really looking forward to flying long haul with them again after all these years. I happened to come across a good fare between San Francisco and Hong Kong via Manila on PAL and booked it at the last minute.

During certain peak months, PAL operates 2 flights to Manila from San Francisco. Flight PR105 is on their newer Boeing 777-300ER fleet, while the flight we were on was flight PR115, which is operated by an ex-Iberia A340-300. PAL’s A340s are slated to be retired soon and are slowly being replaced by the A330 and A350, so the avgeek in me decided to try it out the product before it goes away.

Our flight was scheduled to depart at 12:45am, while the 777 flight was scheduled only 10 minutes before us at 12:35am. We arrived at the airport at 10:30pm to give ourselves enough time for check-in and security formalities, and we also wanted to checkout PAL’s Mabuhay Lounge at SFO.

Check-in

There was a long backup of cars as we approached the international terminal at SFO, as several trans-pacific flights were scheduled to depart all around the same time. Tip: If you don’t mind walking a little, you can get dropped off on the other end of the international terminal (G) to avoid the congestion. Since PAL scheduled two widebody planes to depart within 10 minutes of each other, you can imagine the economy class queue at the check-in counters were massive. The business class queue wasn’t too bad, though. We waited for about 5 minutes before we were helped by Nelda, a friendly check-in agent.

Nelda swiped our passports and printed our boarding passes all the way to Hong Kong. We were advised that flights from the US now arrive at NAIA Terminal 1 and we will need to approach the transfer desk and take a shuttle bus to Terminal 2 to catch our connection. She also asked if we had any check-in baggage, which we answered “no” to. She seemed baffled and asked us why we didn’t have anything to check.  I just answered that we travel light.

As some of you might know, a lot of Filipinos flying to the Philippines often bring  pasalubong or presents to their loved-ones back home. Filipinos are also known for having big (and extended) families in the Philippines, which means a lot of presents to bring home. Many Filipino passengers opt to bring two 20″ x 20″ x 20″ balikbayan boxes instead of luggage to check in order to maximize on weight and space.

With our boarding passes in hand, we headed for airport security which had a HUGE line. Thankfully since PAL now participates in the TSA-Precheck program. There was a separate line for Precheck and we didn’t have to wait long to get through.

The Lounge

After clearing security, we turned left and followed the signs to the Mabuhay Lounge which is one level above departures.

Upon arriving at the lounge, a friendly lounge attendant checked us in and allowed us entry into the… Standing Room Only lounge! The Mabuhay lounge is probably the smallest lounge we’ve been to at SFO. The lounge felt very claustrophobic and virtually all the seats were taken.

Since we couldn’t take a seat, we decided to check out their buffet spread to find some assorted sandwiches, BBQ chicken wings, meatballs, and smoked salmon on sliced baguette. There were also some chips, fruit cups, and chocolate cupcakes on the spread. To the side was a beverage cooler with a selection of canned sodas, juices, and a few bottled beers. The back wall of the food area was a self-serve bar with about a dozen liquor selection and a soup warmer, in which they were serving clam chowder at the time. There was also a microwave, a coffee pot, and instant cup noodles were available. The spread was decent enough compared to some US carrier lounges, but none of the food offerings looked appealing to me at the time so I just took a bottle water.

Eventually, a couple of seats opened up and we sat down for about an hour or so while waiting for boarding to be announced. We also bumped into one of my good friends and chatted a bit.

Some people say that PAL means “Plane Always Late”, and unfortunately both PAL flights this evening were delayed. Boarding was announced around 12:25am for a new departure time of 1:15am, while PR104 (the earlier flight on the 777) was delayed for about an hour at 1:30am.

Boarding

We started our walk to gate A4, which was only a 5 minute walk from the lounge.

I decided to take a few shots of the 2 PAL widebodies right next to each other before taking the escalator down to the gate area.

Boarding promptly started as we arrived at the gate. Business Class and Mabuhay Miles elite members had priority access and we were boarded by no other than Nelda, our friendly check-in agent. She even asked if we were able to find the lounge, and we nodded.

The Flight

The entered the plane via door 1L, and were greeted by Racquel, the purser on this flight. We were directed to cross the galley and turn right into the main business class cabin.

PAL has 34 business class seats on the A340-300, which are configured in a 2-2-2 configuration.

image courtesy of Philippine Airlines

We were seated in 4H and 4K, the last row of seats in the main business class cabin.

there is also a mini business class cabin with 2 additional rows of seats behind the galley.

Waiting at our seats were a full size pillow, duvet, amenity kit, slippers, and business class menu.

Sadly there isn’t much storage around the seat other than the seat pocket and the narrow side groove under the center arm rest. This plane being an ex-Iberia plane had an old IFE sytem installed, which was not operational. Instead, the crew distributed iPad Minis and some cheap flimsy headset to all business class passengers (I used my own). There were about a dozen or so new Hollywood movies, and a few classics. Local, Asian, and American TV shows, music, and a handful of games were also loaded onto the iPad. You can also stream the same media content via WiFi when connecting to the myPAL access point using your smartphone. Sadly, no in-flight internet access was available on this flight.

After stowing our carry ons and settling in, a male flight attendant offered us pre-departure beverages and hot towels.

A few minutes later, Athena the other flight attendant working our aisle introduced herself. She then took our drinks and meal orders and asked if we would like to be woken up for the pre-landing meal service, in which we answered yes to.

Boarding was complete around 1:15am and the doors were closed soon after. The Captain soon made his announcements on the PA system and gave us a flight time of 13 hours and 25 minutes to Manila. We left the gate promptly at 1:18am making our flight 33 minutes behind scheduled.

During taxi, Racquel the flight purser addressed us by name and introduced herself. She gave us an updated arrival time of about 6:20am local time and thanked us for flying with them. We had a long taxi to the end of runway 28R and took off at 1:58am. Since this was an A340, we had a long takeoff roll and gradual climb.

Supper Meal Service

The initial ascent was mostly smooth and 10 minutes after takeoff, the seatbelt sign was turned off and the cabin crew sprung into action. Athena came by with a tray of amuse bouche. Then a few minutes later, she returned with the champagne bottle and flutes and proceeded to hand pour the champagne at our tables.

About 15 minutes later, the meal service started with white linen being placed on our tables, and the table settings came soon after.

For starters, I ordered the cream of tomato soup with chickpeas. It was served piping hot, and it was delicious.

My companion ordered the smoked salmon salad with scallops. I had a few bites of it, and it was pretty good.

For my main entrée, I ordered the Filipino pork adobo with brown rice. The meat was surprisingly tender and the rice was cooked well. It was very flavorful, although I wished they gave me a little more meat.

Meanwhile, my companion ordered the alimango (crab) cakes with chili sauce and rice.

For dessert, we both had a cup of Häagen-Dazs ice cream. My companion and I were betting that the ice cream would be hard as a brick, as we’ve had on some flights. We were both proven wrong as the ice cream was perfectly scoopable.

The Lav and Bed

At this point, I was already exhausted so I visited the lavatory to freshen up before bed.

The business class lavatory was really nothing to write home about. It was small, though it had some basic amenities like a L’Occitane handwash, lotion, and mouthwash.

I went back to my seat and converted it into a bed. The bed was angled flat, but thankfully the angle was only slight and I didn’t slide down. The full size pillow had good support and the duvet was very good quality. It actually reminded me of Qatar Airways’ new duvet.

I slept for a good 7 hours and woke up with about 3 hours before landing in Manila. I took a peek outside to watch the sunrise.

Pre-landing (breakfast) Meal Service

2 hours before landing, the cabin lights were turned on and the meal service started.

The crew started with a hot towel service.

Then came the drink cart, in which we ordered apple and orange juice. I also picked up a few snacks from the snack basket near the galley.

Soon Athena came by to set our tables. Warm breads were also offered and I chose the banana nut bread.

The meal started with a choice of cheese and cold cuts or assorted fruits. We chose the fruits.

We were also offered tea or coffee, and I happily obliged.

For the main, I ordered the beef tenderloin kabobs with rice and egg (tapsilog).

My companion opted for the bangus (milkfish) with java rice and scrambled eggs (bansilog).

I’m not sure if I’m just biased since I’m Filipino, but I thought both of the meals were delicious and very filling.

Arrival

The Captain soon announced our initial descent into Manila and mentioned that there’s some congestion on the ground, so we would be in a holding pattern for another 20 minutes.

The cabin crew started their pre-arrival preparations and asked if we needed anything else. The iPads were also collected soon after.

Racquel came by again, addressed us by name, and thanked us for flying Philippine Airlines.

20 minutes later, were on our final approach and had a smooth landing in Manila.

We taxied for a few minutes before arriving at Terminal 1 (the old terminal building).

Deplaning only took a few minutes and we were in the terminal soon after.

Transit in Manila

Upon disembarking, we looked for the transit desk which is right before immigration.

We approached the desk and a friendly agent assisted us. We mentioned that we just arrived on PR115 and that were transiting to another Philippine Airlines flight.  The agent asked for our continuing boarding passes and asked us to take a seat.

We were soon escorted through transit security. Our luggage were x-rayed and we had to go through another metal detector, then we walked up some stairs up to the departure level. Our escort walked us over to the end of the concourse where we took another escalator down, and then another to the bus gates.

We boarded the bus and it was a good 5-10 minute ride over to NAIA Terminal 2.

We soon entered the terminal building and approached the transit desk right by the entrance for our gate assignments. We went up a flight of stairs, and we were back in the departure area. We walked over to the Mabuhay Lounge to enjoy a cup of PAL’s arroz caldo and get ready for our next flight.

The total transit time from NAIA Terminal 1  to terminal 2 was about 40 minutes, so give yourself enough time for transit formalities. I was actually dreading having to transit in Manila, but it wasn’t as bad as I was expecting. It actually felt more like transiting through London’s Heathrow Airport, just a lot less efficient.

  Thoughts

Overall I thought Philippine Airlines excelled in the soft product and catering department. The in-flight service was very good. The Philippine Airlines cabin crew weren’t as polished compared to crews from the likes of Singapore Airlines or Cathay Pacific, but the service was warm, attentive, and we felt that the crew were very eager to please. I loved that meal trays were not used for the meal service, and instead the dishes were placed on directly on the white linen.

The food quality and taste was also superb. I was happy to see that they had a Western, Asian, and Filipino selection for each of the meals. The portions could use some work, as the pork adobo I ordered on the first meal literally had only 3 small pieces of pork in it…pretty skimpy.

Now for the hard product:

Seat comfort, privacy, and storage on PAL’s aging Airbus A340 was pretty bad. While there was plenty of legroom to stretch out, the angled flat seat isn’t the best to sleep on especially for a 13 hour flight. There is almost zero privacy, except for a small divider in between the seats. The lack of storage area also meant we had to constantly get up to open the overhead bins to get our stuff. There were also no air vents on this plane. The installed IFE monitor and remote on the seat were both non-operational (as expected). The iPad solution was OK, but the cheap and flimsy headphones they gave out was probably the worst headphones I’ve used in business class.

As I mentioned above, PAL is retiring their A340s soon and replacing them with a much modern fleet, so seat comfort and in-flight amenities should get better soon. We actually had a much better hard product experience on the return flight on PAL’s Boeing 777-300ER (stay tuned for the trip report).

The full size pillow and thick duvet were very nice and made sleeping a lot more bearable on the angle flat seat. The L’Occitane amenity kit and slippers were also a nice touch…no pajamas though ;).

  Ground Experience:

I think this is where PAL needs work. The check-in experience was friendly, quick and non-eventful, except if you’re flying in economy and have to go through the very long queue. The Mabuhay Lounge at SFO is in dire need of an overhaul. The lounge felt cramped and needs a better seating arrangement. It was too crowded and there was literally nowhere to sit when we arrived. The bathrooms are all single stall and there were always people lined up by the food area to use the bathroom.

Food selection at the lounge was OK, but could use more hot food items considering PAL operates 2 flights at SFO every other day. And why serve clam chowder when you can serve PAL’s signature Arroz Caldo at the lounge?

PAL They should take a few cues from CX and check their lounge just down the hall.

Our flight was slightly delayed, but boarding procedures were efficient and we were able to board quickly.

Transfer in Manila took a while as MNL airport was scattered and inefficient. We were lucky we had 4 hours to connect in Manila so we weren’t worried, but I can imagine those with much shorter connection times would not be as as fortunate.

Bottom Line:

Would I fly PAL again? Absolutely! They have a long ways to go to catch up to their Asian and Middle Eastern competitors, but I can totally see the potential for them to excel in the business.  They were just upgraded by Skytrax to be a 4 star airline, so things are looking up. I’d like to personally thank Athena and Racquel for taking good care of us during the flight.

Keep it up, PAL, keep it up!

  (Note: As with all trip reports on travelingfoody.com, this flight was not subsidized by the airline. All flights and accommodations were paid for by us.)

Philippine Airlines Business Class San Francisco to Manila | Airbus A340-300 Flight: PR115 Route: SFO-MNL Equipment: Airbus A34-300 (ex-IB) Cabin: Business Class Seat: 4H, 4K Background…

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Clear the Rack, YETI Cooler, Kindle Ebooks, and More

Kindle ebooks, Remington’s super-popular self-haircut tool, and your last chance to save during Clear the Rack lead off Sunday’s best deals from around the web.

Bookmark Kinja Deals and follow us on Twitter to never miss a deal.

Top Tech Deals

It’s not hard to find good deals on VPN subscriptions, but our readers’ favorite service, Private Internet Access, is notable for hardly ever running sales. This is the holiday shopping season though, so for a limited time, you can sign up for two years of the service for just $60, down from its usual $70. That’s just $2.50 per month to protect your browsing data, get around video geoblocks, circumvent proxy filters, and more.

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If you use a desktop computer, a good UPS battery backup will keep it running without any interruption in the event of a power outage, which means you won’t lose any unsaved work. But even if you’re a laptop user, this could still run lamps, your router and modem, or any other low-draw devices until the power comes back on. This particular model even includes some USB ports for charging your mobile devices.

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If you love inky blacks and vibrant colors—and who doesn’t?—this 2017 OLED LG TV is down to $1500 today on MassDrop, or $2300 for 65″, about $200 and $400 less than Amazon, respectively.

As you’d expect from any high-end TV these days, that gets you a 4K panel and Dolby Vision HDR, but OLED technology means the blacks will be far richer, and the colors more vibrant than any LCD-based screen you can buy. It’ll still cost you, but your eyes will tell you it was worth it.

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Anker’s original SoundBuds are your favorite affordable wireless earbuds, but the newer SoundBuds Tag just got their biggest discount ever. $18 is $12 less than usual, and the best price we’ve ever seen.

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The Tags basically appear to be a slightly tweaked version of the SoundBuds Sport, boasting a redesigned remote and better ear tips. Like the Sports though, they’ll still turn off when you connect the two magnetic earpieces together, and turn back on once you pull them apart. Smart.

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If you’ve been curious to try computer glasses, but were scared off by the sky-high price of Gunnars, Velocifire will sell you a set for $17 today with promo code 7DFJQSKQ If you aren’t familiar, the appeal of these things is that they block out the blue light that emanates from the screens we stare at all day, which can cause eyestrain, headaches, and even insomnia.

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This Belkin surge protector is one of our readers’ favorites, and Prime members can save 20% on it today, bringing it down to $16. If you haven’t replaced your main home theater or home office surge protector I several years, it might be time.

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It sounds like an expensive proposition, but today only, Amazon’s selling the well-reviewed FoodSaver Starter Kit for just $30, complete with everything you need to get started. That’s the best price ever by over $15, and the first time it’s been under $50 on Amazon since 2012.

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Woot has run a few deals over the last few months on YETI soft-sided coolers, but today, you can get a very rare deal on the rugged Roadie 20 hard-sided cooler. This thing can keep ice frozen for days on end, even once it finally gets warm outside again. Accounting for Woot’s mandatory $5 shipping fee, this is still $55 cheaper than Amazon.

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This product was missing from simplehuman’s Black Friday sale and discounts on anything related to this brand are rare, so today is the day to get this normally-$80 dish rack for $62.

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If you’ve been putting off replacing your wiper blades for far too long, Amazon’s throwing in a $5 credit when you purchase any two Rain-X Latitude blades, from now until the New Year. Just note that the credit is towards your next Amazon purchase, it’s not a discount on the blades themselves. You’ll also need to be sure both of the blades you buy are shipped and sold by Amazon directly, not a third party.

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Note: This deal ends on January 1, so get your orders in now.

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If you’re enough of a daredevil to give yourself a haircut, Remington’s Shortcut Pro makes the process as simple as possible.

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Nordstrom has three large sales each year: The Anniversary Sale and two Half-Yearly Sales. Well, this week marks the end of the second half of the year, so Nordstrom is taking up to 50% off a boatload of styles. It’ll take time to look through all the stuff, so maybe pencil it in as a meeting at work or pretend you’re in the bathroom and avoid your family or something.

When it comes to having a corner on the market, nothing really compares to Nike. And right now, take an extra 25% off their sale styles for both men and women, no code needed, as post-holdiday deal. Everything you could need for a good workout wardrobe is included, from apparel, to sneakers, to gear.

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Top Media Deals

Amazon hasn’t been shy about offering up discounted Kindle books over the past week, but I suspect that the New Year will see a significant slowdown in sales, back to a more typical ~once per week schedule. Today’s sale has some great options though, a few of which we highlighted below. But be sure to head over to Amazon to see the full list.

$4

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$4

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Monty Python and the Holy Grail is the greatest work in the history of filmmaking that included a killer rabbit, and its 40th anniversary Blu-ray is just $5 today as an Add-On item on Amazon. I’m not sure if they’ll string it between a couple of swallows to get it to you faster, but it should arrive before Christmas if you have Prime, in any event.

$5

From amazon

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Amazon’s waving its discount wand on the Harry Potter franchise, with all eight Hogwarts-centric films on sale for just $7 digitally.

Top Gaming Deals

If you’re lucky enough to have gotten your hands on the SNES Classic, this $17 case makes it easy to bring to a friend’s house for a night of Mario Kart.

$17

From amazon

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It’s not as advanced as a Samsung Gear VR or Oculus Rift, but if you have a smartphone and $17, you can experience VR with this View-Master Deluxe VR starter set. The View-Master is actually just a Google Cardboard-compatible VR headset, except, you know, it’s not made of cardboard, even if it’s priced like it could be.

$17

From amazon

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If you missed out on all of the PS4 Pro deals around Black Friday, you have another chance to save $50 on the console today on eBay. Just note that it doesn’t come with any bundled games.

Should You Buy A PS4 Pro?

Short version: The new PS4 Pro is a more powerful version of an already good console. We like the…

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