#like my shitty photoshopping? 😂

[heimdallsbraids]

You | Ch. 1 (Heimdall x fem!reader)

Summary: You are so beautiful, so alluring, and so completely unaware of the way you plague his mind day in and day out. You are going to be his and his only, and not a single soul can stop him from making that happen. (Heimdall x fem!reader - modern!AU inspired by Netflix's You)

Rating: Mature (probs gonna change to explicit ngl)

Warnings: Profanity, obsessive behaviour, sexual content (youngsters back tf up)

Note: This is only a teaser for what COULD be continued if enough of you like it. It's my hopeful attempt at a modern-day GOW fic, but the idea of Heimdall being an obsessive little shit like Joe from You was way too tempting not to try, so without ado, please enjoy!

View on AO3

Chapter One: The Side Hustle

The black leather bra caught his attention first. Blue eyes trailed downward in a slow drag, shamelessly admiring the sight. Matching panties, strappy garter belt and thigh-high stockings accompanied by six-inch stilettos. Were you trying to torture him?

Heimdall tipped his head back as he took a long swig from his glass. The familiar burn that followed was a welcome one as he tried to focus on anything but the growing tent in his jeans. Good thing he didn’t have to worry about anyone noticing since it was dark, and he was in a private booth on the second floor of the venue.

This was the third time he’d come back to this godforsaken place in the span of a week, but he had to if he wanted to catch a glimpse of you again. You, the one currently stealing the spotlight from everyone else on that damned stage with your gorgeous body. You, the one giving the seductive eyes as you dropped to your haunches in front of a few eager patrons waving their money in the air. You, the one he couldn’t stop thinking about day in and day out.

He’d only recently discovered that you worked here thanks to a little digging on social media. Outside of the venue, you were the good girl who worked a part-time job at a café and studied graphic design at one of the most prestigious universities in Gladsheim. You were smart, popular, and, most importantly, oozed pretty innocence to anyone who didn’t know better.

But he knew better.

He knew that your adoptive father was a war veteran back in the day and struggled with emotional connection. He knew that your adoptive mother was his father’s ex-wife and a stubborn bitch when she wanted to be. He knew that you had a younger brother in high school who was currently aiming to compete in an archery tournament later this year. He also knew that they were none the wiser about your little… side hustle.

He focused once more as the crowd began to whistle and cheer loudly, his eyes skipping over everything else and landing directly on you. The song had changed to a slow, sensual track that had him leaning forward to give you his undivided attention as you circled a chair with confident steps, wiggling your pointer finger in a ‘come hither’ motion to someone in the crowd.

‘Baby, you can

Ride it, ooh, yeah

Bring it over to my place’

A jock who looked too young to be here was pushed onto the stage by a rowdy group that must have been his friends. He immediately held his arms out to his sides, fuelling himself with their jeers and obnoxious attitudes, and Heimdall rolled his eyes. This immature man-child hardly deserved the treat he was about to get.

His breath hitched as you trailed a delicate hand over the young man’s chest before pushing him onto the chair with a playful shove, trying to imagine that it was him on the receiving end. There were shouts from the guy’s friends, but he seemed to only have eyes for you now as you slowly lowered yourself onto his lap while your other hand trailed over your body.

‘You don’t know what you did, did to me

Your body lightweight speaks to me’

It was like you were one with the music, embodying every beat and every word that played. He couldn’t take his eyes off you, even as you began to gyrate your hips on that poor excuse for a man as part of an incredibly risqué dance he’d never witnessed from you before. Your client was clearly enjoying himself because he was beginning to get a little too comfortable, and Heimdall’s eyes were narrowing when hands other than your own landed on your ass, squeezing tightly before delivering a rough smack that had you jumping.

Security guards had noticed, too, and soon two of them were getting on the stage, ready to see the man out despite the angry yells from his friends. You’d moved to get up, but the jock, seeing his fate, grasped you by the back of your head and planted what was most definitely an extremely sloppy kiss on your lips. You were clearly shocked as the guards (and now other dancers) intervened, separating him from you with rough tugs and reprimands.

Heimdall watched as your skinny blonde co-worker linked arms with you and led you out back somewhere, but he only had one thing on his mind as his eyes once again zeroed in on the young man still causing a ruckus for the security guards as he was escorted out. Sighing dramatically, he threw on his leather jacket and downed the rest of his drink before making his way to the exit.

He was going to make that dropkick regret ever stepping into this place.

[madhatterbri]

Family | C.C.

Summary: Count Christian tries to convince Y/N to join the Patriarchy.

Author's Note: It's okay to laugh. Really. It is. Or cringe. Its Tumblr. This app isn't serious. Shitty Photoshop done by my husband. 😂😂

Taglist: @theworldofotps @99hook

Pure fiction.

Y/N stepped out of the locker room cautiously. She had been hiding from the Patriarchy lately. They took an interest in her lately. During an interview on a podcast, she admitted the death of her parents motivated her to get into wrestling. After that, they were drawn to her like a moth to a flame.

"Y/N," a dreaded voice spoke. Y/N closed her eyes and cursed inwardly. They must have been watching for her from around the corner.

"Christian, Nick," she greeted through gritted teeth. Nick waved at her.

"Nick and I were just talking about how he wants a sister. Grow the family a little more. What do you say? We can make it official tonight on Dynamite," he shrugged.

"Make it official?" She asked, confused.

"I spoke to Tony. He's cool with it. We can get a judge and draw up some papers. He gave us a time slot to be in the ring," Christian informed her. Y/N dropped her mouth in shock.

"I have a match to get to. I... I gotta go," Y/N stammered and quickly walked away from them. Christian and Nick looked on.

"It's okay, son. She'll come around," he comforted him and hugged him.

Y/N stood in the ring, stretching out before her match. Her opponent was someone trying to get into the wrestling world. The referee was about to signal for the match to start, but a theme song interrupted her.

The countdown on the screen immediately alerted her that the patriarchy was coming out. Her mouth dropped in shock. Y/N placed her hands on her head in frustration. This family didn't get the hint.

Christian walked down the ramp with Nick and Shayna. He had a proud smile on his face like a father would their child. The father of the year waved at her while walking to the commentary table. The prodigy followed quickly behind. They sat at the table to give their opinions on the match.

"Come on, sweetie. Make your dad proud!" Shayna cheered as the referee started the match. The match went longer than expected. Y/N tried to give them a chance to get a real shot at their dream. Shayna interfered a couple of times without the referee noticing. Y/N was able to do their finisher and won.

Christian and Nick left the commentary table. The older man waited for her at the bottom of the ramp. Nick stepped to the ring and separated the ropes to help her leave the ring. Cautiously, she exited the ring and jumped down to the floor.

Christian extended his arms for her to hug him. He kept telling her how proud he was of her, and she made her father proud. The audience started to chant for her to hug it out with him.

"You aren't my dad!" She yelled at him and stormed off. Christian dropped his arms as the audience booed Y/N.

"Kids," Christian tutted and watched her walk away once more.

[weebsinstash]

"If you're so successful and happy why do you feel the need to do this"

I'll throw you a bone bestie

Because it's genuinely hilarious and cathartic

I don't feel the "need" to do it, I just think it's funny to dunk on people who suck in various ways. Like yourself. Like ngl when I stumbled across your blog at first, seeing how horrible and loserish of a person you were simultaneously disgusted me so much and made me laugh so much. If someone is a loser but a good person, you feel bad for them and want to leave them alone or even help them. If someone is a bad person but isn't a loser, you have nothing to cringe at or look down on them for since they're doing better than you. But being a loser AND a bad person is like, you're the funniest person ever to get a rise out of and also you set off a disgust response that makes people want to give you shit. People don't pity you for your loserish life because you're an asshole, so we view you as undeserving of pity. That's why people like you, i.e. loser + a bad person, get shit online. Look at boogie2988, Chris Chan, Yandere Dev etc. for other examples of people like you. You'd get along with Yandere dev btw he's also a creep who likes rape porn :)

You've given me SO many laughs over the past year after I was stressed from studying for a tough exam, a busy week at work or other things in my life. This whole experience has been nothing but positive for me tbh. Sounds weird but my life and mental health have actually gotten a lot better. I can be resilient now for people who need me to be strong for them without getting stressed myself and people appreciate that. I've helped people through tough times because my stress level is lower and I can be zen about things I normally wouldn't be

All of this is literally just entertaining. I'm not trying to do anything or fight for a cause. It's just funny and cathartic to me. Seeing everyone in your degenerate rape porn community get bent out of shape over ridiculous and hilarious spam like "bitch lasagna" and shitty photoshopped porn. Maybe I have a weird sense of humor or something but whoever told you people only troll others if they have miserable unsuccessful lonely lives lied to you to make you feel better. It's genuinely just fun especially for people like you who give big dramatic reactions to things most of the time. Like this whole calling the police thing over me "going to your house" and being so goddamned confident I'm about to get arrested 😂 this type of shit is why I continue and you constantly insulting me makes me want to do it more and also not feel bad about it because you deserve it. I can troll people who suck and it's guilt-free fun. Like trolling a child predator, you don't feel bad about it yknow, it's just funny. It's just for kicks.

You know whats actually so embarrassing

When I initially said the whole karma works in reverse for you, I was talking about being ditched by your family, and your hysterical ass thought I was talking about your assault. You misinterpreted what I even said and used it as your excuse to act like a histrionic freak for almost a full year

You have literally done nothing but prove my point that you are an objectively shit person, and anyone who would be friends with you is probably a subhuman enabler and also a compulsive liar much like yourself. You use your alleged assault to cry victim and use it to harass other people. You cry victim blaming but then spout blatant ableism, misogyny, transphobia, and racism more than once. You have typical White Woman Feminism, screaming and whining that you aren't a slut but calling everyone else whores for having kinks you don't like

You're sitting here further incriminating yourself, writing so many paragraphs I'm not even reading them all, spending hours and hours and hours. I'm at work making a living supporting my family and you're at home, on your phone, for hours. When do you even sleep lmao. Homie you literally lied pretending to be a teenager, you could lie about anything. Does writing fanfiction about having a partner help heal the wounds from knowing you did something stupid and got thrown away like a used tissue

It was something with a dog, wasn't it? I know your types. You need attention from literally wherever you can get it. That's why you don't even care if everyone is screaming at you, you just need acknowledgment. This is such stereotypical neglected child behavior and you're so bitter and angry you're barely even coherent

Go dye your hair blue and attend a republican rally since you share their politics. I'll at least have the peace knowing I've never been so obsessed with a complete stranger I have to obsessively keep checking if they've replied to me. That's shit MIDDLE SCHOOLERS DO, but oh no, you're allegedly so successful and intelligent 😂 so successful and intelligent you're acting like a QAnon 4channer for entertainment on Christmas. Hey guys the person who spent literally hours and hours on both Chrisrmas Eve and Christmas wants us to believe they have a partner. Who wants to call cap?

[r6shippingdelivery]

not to be a simp on main or anything but R6E THICC TACHANKA KINDA VERY FUCKIN HOT, i mean AWOOGA

Nonnie, please, don't lie. We are all simps here, and thicc r6s Tachanka is just great 👌👀 That image also made me think Kapkan would be all over him, climbing Sasha like a tree, and lo and behold, I made that happen with my shitty photoshop skills cause why the fuck not 😂 Kapkan is also a Tachanka simp, change my mind

[stuckinapatriarchalbullshitland]

Gaymila I need you to hire cs. Trust me we are really good at manip and Photoshop. But i also will ask you to go see a doctor. Baby you right hand in the boat pic has grown. My oh my baby the fingers are ever soo long. What is going on. 😂😭// now I look closer ur right her hand looks weird and the pic has clearly been edited but rather then do it to make u look better they made it look like they took a pic of her and put it in a picture to fit their narrative. Her team constantly does shit like this to her and always fuck up the photoshop at this point it’s their either doing it deliberately or they just don’t care and as long as it looks real/normal at 1st glance they don’t care

At this point, the only thing I want is to her being able to change her shitty team. That's the only thing I want. For real. She has to be able to do that because we all know that every contract have an end.

[toxicstardust]

Lmao chile this is too much like im not even gon bulletpoint it cause you don't deserve the organization ugly. The best part is when you assumed I didnt know about the obama tweet as if its not exactly as I said 🤔🤔🤔, her addredding her usage of the n word in a shitty way. You think this a game when its not. She a racist. Thats all that I was out to be prove and you've admitted, too 😂😂. Im not a camila fan, you're damn right. (and I dont know why you believe "5th harmony fans" are a valid source for whether the screenshots fake or not so you still..haven't...proven...they're fake???) But antyway thanks for proving my point that she a racist, both with her n word usage and her racist coded language. And I still haven't forgotten that yall went at her calling her Normonkey and photoshopping her hanged and camilla did nothing. She's still a racist periodt.

Again, bigegst font for your biggest L. Shes white. White latinas are a thing, lord do you know anything 💀💀💀💀💀You're still defending her when she's a racist. I think thats the biggest L of them all honestly.