#like my dentist. couldn’t send it to me before i left home?

[alphacrone]

ppl like to talk big about how smartphones are rotting our brains but neglecting to mention how weirdly engrained they are in a lot of modern society to the point of almost being a necessity

[jodilin65]

Yesterday was a very stressful day for me—not so much because I was tired, but because I was worried about my health, the costs, and everything that comes with it. It was pretty windy, and that seemed to affect my lungs. Using the steam inhaler helped relax the tightness, though.

I'm thinking more and more that my lung tightness is climate- and weather-related, but I’m still going to do the dosage experiment. Today was a little breezy, but after coming home, my lungs haven't been tight at all, so that’s good.

At the dentist, she finished the other half of the deep cleaning (damn that fucking accent of hers to hell!) and accidentally knocked off the crown that was recemented on my very back bottom molar last November. It was an old crown, and it shattered. I’m glad that if it had to come off, it happened there! They took an X-ray, and the dentist looked at it and decided it was fine for now as is. It does feel a little weird, though, and since it would cost less than $100 for a straightforward extraction, assuming that’s all it’d be, I’m going to call a few weeks before my next appointment at the end of next month to see about getting it pulled while I’m there. Not only is it way cheaper than a new crown, but I just don’t need that tooth. The very back bottom and upper teeth on the other side are gone and I do just fine without them.

In six weeks, I have a maintenance appointment, and she mentioned that for the first year after a deep cleaning, you go in every four months instead of six—something she neglected to tell me the first time around.

She also told me to stop using the prescription mouthwash in a week because it can stain teeth. Instead, she suggested dipping floss in it twice a week since it’s an antibacterial solution and flossing with it. Ever since I pulled off a crown in California, I’ve had a bit of a complex about flossing. But she said I don’t have to pull the floss back up after pushing it down—I can just slide it out. Now that I know that, I’ll use regular floss in addition to my Waterpik.

For a moment, I was worried there were going to be additional costs because of the broken crown. Then, when I was checking out, the girl at the desk said she couldn’t find the second payment that completed the deep cleaning. Thankfully, she eventually found it, and he had a copy of the transaction on his phone.

He hasn’t done Prolific in a while because he’s been making extra money with phone games. He said some are good and some aren’t, but mostly, it’s a tedious process. I might like it better, though, because I can do it at any time of day or night and don’t have to deal with surveys that include tough math questions or topics I know nothing about. My Prolific profile says I’m retired and don’t drive, yet they still send me surveys about car insurance and various work-related topics. I can access Prolific 24/7, but at certain times of the day, there are hardly any surveys. The app games, though, are always available.

I finished the challenge yesterday, so now I’m back on my own ride. I’m still in Poland with 1,150 miles left to go.

A large truck with a kayak on top has been parked at Hotel Honker for the last couple of nights. I guess both daughters are visiting because one left in the kayak truck, and shortly after, he and his other daughter left in his own truck. He definitely seems to be overdoing the visitor limit, but I’m not saying anything. As long as they stay quiet, I don’t care. Still can’t wait for those flags to come down! I always know his departure is getting close when they do. At least it’s getting a little late in the season for him to start any new projects. And there are only so many more days I’ll have to hear that motorcycle since he’s got about a month left here.

Anyway, my gums are a little sore, just like they were after the other side was cleaned, but I was still able to enjoy some Chinese food after the appointment. I got barbecue ribs with pork fried rice and an egg roll. Tinkerbella had a bit of everything, and of course, she loved it—even the fortune cookies.

[ireceived-p8250000]

November 10-16, 2013

Sunday, November 10

The news was devastating. The death toll from Typhoon Haiyan, which had ravaged Tacloban, continued to climb, reaching staggering numbers. The images and stories coming out of the affected areas were heart-wrenching—families torn apart, homes obliterated, and entire communities left in ruins. It felt as though the world had shifted on its axis, leaving a deep sense of sorrow in its wake.

Determined to help, we decided to donate comforters and other essentials. I took the initiative to organize a donation drive through the Psych Soc. We focused on collecting necessities like blankets, tents, sanitary pads, and diapers—items that would provide immediate relief to those who had lost everything.

Tuesday, November 12

Exams were fast approaching, so I needed to buckle down, especially for Abnormal Psychology. Mansoor was absent, busy with his own donation drive efforts. Despite my best efforts to focus, the news of the typhoon's aftermath kept infiltrating our conversations and lectures.

In the afternoon, I attended classes, but it seemed impossible to escape the constant updates about the devastation. During History, Sir Apollo assigned me another activity to make up for what I missed last week, particularly due to my travel.

"Uh, Sir, can I submit this Saturday?" I asked tentatively.

"Bakit na naman?" he asked, a mix of curiosity and irritation in his voice.

"Sasamahan ko po kasi parents ko sa Camp Aguinaldo in Quezon. My dad is really old, so he can't navigate bureaucracy processes anymore."

He asked more about my family, and I answered briefly.

"Ang bait mo namang anak," he said, a hint of admiration in his voice.

On top of everything, my fake tooth was falling off. I told my mom immediately, and she said we could visit the dentist tomorrow after my classes.

Wednesday

I attended my morning classes, trying to stay focused despite the overwhelming news about Typhoon Haiyan. I had to skip the first hour of Experimental Psychology for my dentist appointment. My dentist reattached the crown using dental cement, carefully securing it back in place. The procedure was quick, but I still felt anxious about missing class.

I made it back in time for the rest of my classes. Mansoor was extremely busy with the donation drive, but he still managed to send me sweet messages. His "good morning" texts and lunchtime check-ins were small comforts in a stressful week.

After classes, I started preparing for our trip to Manila. I packed my bags, making sure I had everything we needed. My parents and I decided to rest for a bit before our late-night departure.

At 11 PM, we left for the bus station. The city was quiet, and the night air was cool as we waited for the bus. Once we boarded, exhaustion took over, and we slept through the journey, grateful for a moment of peace amidst the chaos.

Thursday

We arrived in Manila at 5 AM. Ran was with us, making the trip a bit more lively. The last time I was here, I was 13 and had begged my parents to bring me because I had never been to Manila. Now, I was here to help my parents navigate some bureaucratic processes.

It was incredibly hot, humid, and not exactly pleasant. We finished our business, but I wanted to stay and explore the city. I pleaded with my mom, explaining that I could manage on my own for a day. But they were adamant about heading back. Despite my recent international travel, they wouldn't let me have a day to myself in Manila.

In hindsight, it was probably a good decision. I was sticky, dirty, and desperately in need of a shower. We arrived back in Baguio at 9 PM. I took a long shower, reviewed my notes, and went to bed. Robbie had collected new handouts for me and mentioned we had homework in both subjects.

I slept soundly, exhausted from the day. I couldn’t believe exams were next week. I hadn't participated much this Midterm.

Friday

I went to class and focused. Also my work I don't want to lose it so i have to spend time on that.

Saturday

I submitted my homework, feeling a sense of relief. Our group met to finalize our project, and we drew Dissociative Identity Disorder as our topic. Divina, Belle, and I volunteered to work on the script. I had already researched several case studies. We created a group chat to keep everyone in the loop.

It was Intramurals basketball day, and Sir Apollo gave us permission to watch. I opted to stay back and work on the documentary script. My laptop and iPad were open in front of me when Sir Apollo struck up a conversation.

"May boyfriend ka na ba?" he asked.

I looked at him, wide-eyed and speechless.

Before I could respond, Myla came to my rescue. "Halika na, ang sipag sipag mo mag-aral," she said, starting to pack my gadgets into my bag.

"Saglit," I hesitated, but she was insistent.

"Doon mo na gawin yan," she said, pulling me out of the classroom and away from the awkward flirtation with Sir Apollo.

CAS vs. CBA was the game, my department against Myla's. After Ecology, Mansoor was waiting for me. We walked together, but I couldn't shake the memory of my earlier interaction with Sir Apollo.

As we walked past the faculty, Sir Apollo exited. We locked eyes for a moment. Mansoor greeted him politely, and he smiled back.

"Prof ko yun," I told Mansoor.

"Ako din nakakasama ko din sya sa mga outreach," he replied.

I nodded, feeling a mix of emotions. Whenever memories of Sir Apollo surfaced, I tried to be more affectionate with Mansoor. I held his hand, kissed him, rested my head on his chest or shoulder. I became extra sweet, trying to suppress my confusing feelings for Sir Apollo.

Back home, I used my toy again, but Sir Apollo's image kept intruding on my thoughts.

[apatcheworkofproblems]

A lot of things have happened and changed for me this year, starting at the end of last year! Some good things and some bad things but it’s been an interesting and busy year.

I was still staying at my grandmothers dilapidated trailer(at the end of last year) after she went into the hospital for a stroke, like she asked me to. (We were living together before, so I was used to it) And I was left with taking care of her three dogs and mine.(all chihuahuas) She lets me take her card to go to the store to buy food for me and the dogs, as well as other necessities. Like normal but I come home alone.

Nana(my grandmother) was moved from the hospital to a assisted living facility to get better, longer term care. This, unfortunately, was a few towns over so I couldn’t just walk over to see her anymore. This also means that I couldn’t just borrow her card anymore to go the store and I had to rely on her sending me a check($200) to put on my account so that I could still get necessities or I had to somehow do it online if I could with just the card info. Her sending me money only happened once or twice before she started forgetting and saying that money is all I must care about since I ask about it when we talk close to the beginning of the month. She hates the place she’s at and wants to come home and that’s what I should care about.

Started having sleep disrupting pain in my face and jaw. Mom made go to ER. There was an infection in one of the erupted wisdom teeth I had been ignoring. Most of the center of the tooth had rotted down to the nerve and had started sending some serious pain signals up and down the right side of my face.

Found out that my state insurance could try to find me a dentist that would take my insurance instead of the other way around the way it used to be. Awesome. And they would pay for everything including the ride there and back!(good thing too, since the nearest one that could take me was a 45-60 minute drive away) The only thing that they don’t pay for is being put to sleep for the removal but they would pay partial instead.(so I was awake but only vaguely remember anything, other than how bad it hurt for the rotted tooth to have been pulled. That memory was semi clear.)

It was because of how bad that one tooth was that the dentist decided to only do the three that erupted and wound do the last one after I healed a little.

A few weeks after, I was told that I couldn’t stay at the trailer anymore. It was December with single digit temperatures and I was still recovering from wisdom tooth removal but there was no real heat in the trailer(though, I was trying to use space heaters), the water froze completely, and the electricity was being funny so I couldn’t make food anymore. I was starting to get scared.

I was technically homeless(more like couch hopping but I was told by several people that I was considered homeless) after that. This is how I started this year. Sleeping on my mom’s too short couch. I spent the next 5 months like this.

Mom helped me as much as possible with dogs, since by that point nana was no longer helping me with buying food. The money she was giving me before was no longer coming and she was very upset at me for leaving the trailer(and all of *her* things) unattended.

I got my last wisdom tooth removed a couple of months after the first three. Wasn’t nearly as bad, even though I got stitches this time. I felt better. After 3-4 years of knowing and feeling that my wisdom teeth were trying to come out and causing my jaw to ache when I ate anything harder than a bologna sandwich, they were finally gone.

Mom made me go to therapy to talk about things. She believes that nana verbally and emotionally abused me for the last 8-9 years that I was living with her. She also wanted some tests and stuff done. This was the longest time I’ve spent with her in the last decade and she thinks I’m still like the young teenager that was at her house last, that I literally haven’t changed at all. This was backed up by my sister-in-law, who was actually the one that pointed out that I apparently didn’t act or think like a neurotypical adult of almost 30. I was diagnosed with ADHD(hyperactive and impulsive type) when I was in high school so obviously I wasn’t neurotypical duh, but okay.

Went to see therapist once and was immediately referred to the nearest neuropsychology place for testing. Found out the place is booked out for consultations for three months. Fun.

I was able to bring one of nana’s dogs to stay with her. She chose her favorite, the smallest, most spoiled one. I’m glad she got to have at least one of them with her but that still left me with 2 of hers and mine.

My thyroid stopped working right and I had to start taking medication for it.

Mom helped me get in to see some social/behavioral health workers to help me with getting better living conditions.

I see a therapist regularly now.

Social workers helped me get approved for food stamps.

Finally got the neuropsych consultation and set up testing day. Didn’t have to wait nearly as long for that, only a week and a half. Spent 6 hours doing tests for my brain, only taking one break for lunch. Had a bad migraine after. :(

Testing results came in. I have ADHD but the inattentive type instead of what I was told as a kid and autism spectrum disorder. Oh. Huh. Psychologist said based on the info and everything that he thinks that it would be very, very difficult for me to actually get and hold a job sustainably and recommends me starting the process of getting on disability.

With the help of my social/behavioral workers, I got approved for my very first own apartment. I had to sign up for a section 8 HRA voucher and get state assistance but I have my own place for the first time in my life. :) It’s even in mom’s same building, so I can just go downstairs to see her.

Me and mom are no longer able to take care of the dogs. She could get in serious trouble with her apartment building for have mine/nana’s three dogs in addition to her own two pets in her apartment and I can’t have all of them in my new place either. Buying food for them is becoming too expensive for her. Nana said that she can’t afford to send money anymore(not that she had been for a couple of months now) and finally, after a lot of back and forth, finally agreed to let them go if that would be better for them. They were all older, had health problems, and had never seen a vet, which we couldn’t pay for either. The only problem was that local shelter charges almost a $100 an animal to take in older ones that have health problems and don’t have any shots.

Mom was finally able to get the dogs to a shelter. She had me stay home while she took care of it. I had to make the decision if I could keep my dog. Unfortunately, I couldn’t pay for her vet stuff in order to legally have her in my place. I was getting no cash assistance from the state yet so I couldn’t get her food or anything else. I had to make the decision that she deserved a better life. I let mom take her to the shelter too. :,( (at least I was able to know that she and the others got taken care of and adopted. The shelter has a Facebook page and made some posts about them with pictures.) I miss them, sometimes.

With the help of my brothers I got all of my things out of the trailer. All that’s left there is nana’s stuff. She’s still very upset about it.

I got approved for cash assistance from the state and can now pay my own bills in my own money! :) I got the electric for my apartment in my name, it’s the very first bill of my own that I pay. I feel very adult. :) :)

Mom got me a Nintendo Switch for my birthday. :) I’ve wanted one since they came out.

Saw nana for a Christmas party at the nursing home she’s at. One of my younger brothers took me. She hadn’t seen him since she was in the hospital. He only recently got his car to where it could travel the 45 minutes to where she was and not have to worry about it dying on the way. I gave her a blanket that I crocheted. She liked it a lot.

That’s all of the important things I can think of. :)

This is the most things that have happened to me in a long time. Sorry for the stupidly long post but I wanted to write it all out.

I’m hoping that next year will be a great year.

[study-coffee-chicago]

Seasons of PD: Season 7: Don’t You Ever Do That Again, You Hear Me? (A Halstead Brothers + Halstead Sister! Imagine)

A/N: There are mentions of B1ack Liv3s M4tter (apparently this ended up in that tag, so I changed the wording, so hopefully it’s not there anymore) in regards to peaceful protests in this. And there are mentions of counter-protesters causing riots. I tried my best to portray this as professionally as possible with Y/N's views, Kevin's views, and Jay's views. I did not try to offend anyone at all and I'm very sorry if I did.

Also, I don't know if one part counts as threat of sexual coercion, but I'm fairly certain that's what it's called, so trigger warning for that.

Your age: 18

Jay's age: 32

Will's age: 34

"I get that it's important to you, but I'm not letting you go!" Jay argued as you stood across from him in a screaming match.

"Why? Because You don't believe the same things as me because you haven't met a bad cop? Because you fought for this country and know people who died for it?" you yelled back.

"Yes, me being a cop and a soldier obviously has something to do with this! But I'm also trying to keep you safe! They turn into riots!"

"You do know that's not the Black Lives Matter protesters who start them, right? They're peaceful. Counter-protesting assholes come and start things to give peaceful protesters a bad image!"

"I don't want you to get hurt if something happens! Tear gas hurts, kid. I don't want you to come home with burning eyes and the possibility of going blind and tell me I'm right. I'm trying to prevent that!"

"I know you are, Jay! I just want you to let me have my own damn opinions and do what I want for once!"

"Has a cop ever hurt you in some way? Pulled you over illegally?" Jay roared.

You wanted to tell him your story about something like that that had happened five weeks ago, two weeks after the infection scare across the entire city, but you couldn't because you knew he'd do something stupid and you didn't want that. "No, but--"

His phone rang, cutting you off. "I'll be there," Jay said quickly. Then, he turned back to you. "I gotta go, caught a case. I'll see you later and we can talk about this. Calmly."

"So, you're saying there's a chance you'll let me go?"

"There's maybe a .001% chance, but sure, believe what you want."

You rolled your eyes and he left. But, as he shut and locked the apartment door, he stopped. "Love you," he whispered. Because, with what he did on the job, he knew that there was the possibility every day of him not coming home to you.

***

When you woke up, you were shocked not to see a text from Jay between 3 and 5 am saying that he wouldn't make it home tonight. He usually made it a priority when on a case to tell you that he wouldn't be coming home so that you wouldn't worry.

But, there was a voicemail from him around 11 pm last night and it was currently 9 am.

You put your phone on speaker and played it.

"Hey, Y/N, I'm sorry about arguing. If you really want to go, I think Kevin has his RDO tomorrow so I can see if he's going if you-- OW!" Then, the line just continued playing, and dragging noises were heard until there was a crash and the line went dead.

"Jay? Jay?" What the hell had happened? You quickly replayed the message to make sure it wasn't an issue with your phone, but when you heard the same exact thing again, you knew something had gone terribly wrong.

You went to dial Hailey's number to ask if she had seen Jay when there was a loud knock on your door. You quickly ran across the apartment and looked out the peephole. You saw Hailey and Adam and quickly flung open the door.

"Hey, Y/N," Adam said as he entered.

"Have you guys seen Jay?" you asked.

You saw Hailey visibly swallow. "Listen," she started, but you cut her off.

"What happened? What's going on? He usually texts me if he's going to be working until the morning and I didn't get a text and I got a voicemail and--" You took a deep, gasping breath.

"What voicemail?" Hailey asked as she placed a hand on your shoulder.

"I- It cut off partway through and he yelled and-- wait, he wasn't with you?"

"No," Hailey answered. "He said he had some personal stuff to take care of when we were at a scene and then took off. Then, he never came back, so we decided to check here to see if he just came home or something happened."

"He never came home." Your eyes widened, finally processing what it meant if he wasn't here and Intelligence couldn't find him. "You're telling me he's missing? Again? Oh, no. This can't be happening, not again. Not after our fight last night. I didn't even tell him what happened or that I loved him or--"

"Y/N, I need you to take a deep breath," Hailey told you and you tried to match her breathing. "His radio might just be dead or something like that." She knew that she was lying, but she was trying to stop you from freaking out. "Can you give me your phone so Adam and I can listen to the voicemail?"

You nodded and handed Adam your phone. He pressed play and you watched as his jaw clenched as he was listening to it.

"Shit," he muttered once he was done. "We need you to come to the district with us. Just for safety."

"Can you give me a minute?" you asked. "I- I'm in my pajamas and I haven't brushed my teeth and--"

"We'll leave in half an hour, okay?" Hailey asked and you nodded. "While you're getting ready, we'll send the voicemail over to Kim and Kev. Jay's gonna be okay."

"How do you know that?" you almost whispered.

"Because Jay's one of the strongest people I know," she answered. But, in reality, she wasn't sure about that. They had no idea where he was and according to the timestamp on that voicemail, it had been a little over ten hours since he sent it. For all they knew, Jay could be out of Chicago right now. Scratch that, he could be out of Illinois.

***

"When did you get this voicemail?" Hank asked as everyone in Intelligence, minus Jay but including you, were in the bullpen and trying to trace where the call came from.

"Around 11 last night, Boss," Adam answered for you.

"Okay. So it's been almost 11 hours," Voight said.

"I need a break, excuse me," you said and quickly excused yourself to the locker room.

You made your way to the locker room and sat down and leaned against the wall. This couldn't be happening again, not after that crazy borderline sociopathic drug dealer kidnapped Jay a few years ago and Erin went in and saved him. This could not be happening again.

You thought back to the fight last night and something your mom would always say when she was in a fight with one of the boys or when you had thrown a temper tantrum and then had to go to bed.

I'll always tell you I love you because when you walk out that door or go to bed, I'll never know if that was the last chance I had to tell you I love you.

God, if you hadn't argued with Jay, maybe you wouldn't be feeling this way. Obviously, you'd be feeling scared and upset because Jay was missing and no one had any idea where he was, but at least you wouldn't feel guilty like you currently did.

You felt guilty about starting that fight in the first place by bringing it up even though you knew what his answer was going to be. You felt guilty about yelling. But most of all, you felt guilty and you regretted not saying love you when he left...because that might've been the last time you'd have been able to tell that to your big brother who had always been there for you...even when he really didn't want to.

Jay's Nokia flip phone buzzed as he walked out of school. It was his mom.

"Hey, Mom," he greeted.

"Jay Halstead, if you answered your phone while you're driving..." she trailed off, trying to think of a good threat.

"Mom, I didn't. I was talking to some friends about going for tacos tonight, so I just walked out of school a minute ago."

"Oh," she said.

"What oh?" Jay asked. "That sounded like a bad oh, Mom."

"Well, I wish I would've known that before a professor called in sick to give an exam to his students and I agreed to pick up the extra hours."

"What are you talking about?"

"I can't bring Y/N to the dentist. And I thought since you weren't busy, you could. I also may or not have promised her that she could go to Build-A-Bear after to get a new outfit for Beary because she's so scared."

"Mom," Jay groaned.

"I know, I'm sorry. But, how about this: you do this for me, and I'll extend your curfew by two hours on Friday and Saturday."

"Three," Jay countered.

"Two." Amelia Halstead stood strong.

"Three."

"Two and a half."

"Deal," Jay agreed.

"Thank you. I'll see you tonight. Love you."

"Love you, too."

***

"No," you whined as Jay told you that you had to leave after he walked you home from school later. "I don't wanna go to the dentist. They scary."

"No, they're not," Jay told you. The doctor was what was scary for him with all the needles for the shots. But, the dentist had never bothered him, even when he was a little kid it had never bothered him.

"No!"

"What if I let you bring Beary into the dentist, would you go then?" Jay practically pleaded.

"And you give me chocolate before we leave?"

"If you promise to grab your toothbrush and brush your teeth in the bathroom at the dentist, then yes, I'll give you some chocolate to eat on the way there." Jay was desperate at this point. He knew he shouldn't be giving you everything you wanted, but what were big brothers with a giant age gap for anyway if not to try and spoil his little sister?

"Okay!" You ran off to go grab Beary and your toothbrush and toothpaste while Jay made his way to a high cabinet in the kitchen and grabbed five squares of Dove milk chocolate, three for you and two for him.

In the car, Jay handed you the cholates and you started eating them while you held Beary close to you, trying to gain some comfort out of your favorite stuffed animal.

***

You gripped Jay's hand as you sat and waited for your name to be called. Beary was held in your other hand and you were squeezing him tight against your chest. You had just brushed your teeth like you promised Jay that you would, but you were still utterly terrified.

"Y/N Halstead?" a dental hygienist came out and asked.

You didn't say a word, just held Jay's hand tighter.

"That's you," Jay said gently and with a smile on his face, trying to make you feel less scared.

"No, not me," you told him as you frantically shook your head.

The dental hygienist squatted down in front of you. "Are you Y/N?" You didn't do anything, but Jay must've nodded to confirm that it was indeed you. "And who's this?" she asked as she shook Beary's paw.

"Beary," you said shyly.

"Well, I'm fairly certain that Beary will be with you the entire time. We even have little sunglasses you and he can wear when we shine the really bright light on you to protect both your little eyes. Does that sound good?"

You turned to Jay. "Me and Beary get sunglasses, Jay Jay!"

"I heard! Do you want me to come back with you?"

You thought for a second. "Please come."

Jay laughed. "Okay." He turned to the dental hygienist. "Is that okay?"

"Perfectly fine."

You stood up and held Jay's hand as you walked back into the dentist to get your six-month check-up on your baby teeth.

***

"That wasn't so bad was it?" Jay asked as the two of you walked out to his car after you finished.

"No!" you said as you shook your head. "I even got a pretty bracelet with Belle on it, see?" you exclaimed as you held your hand out to him to show off your yellow bracelet with a charm that had Belle from Beauty and the Beast on it.

Jay acted all surprised and said it was pretty even though he watched as you had picked it out while he had explained to the secretary how your mom would call to schedule your next appointment in six months.

Jay opened his car and made sure you were buckled in and then got in himself and started driving.

"Do you know where we're going?"

You gasped. You had forgotten you got to go to Build-A-Bear after!

"Build-A-Bear!" you yelled. The volume of that yell would've made Jay wince had he not been driving.

"Yup, that's where we're going."

"I think I'm gonna get Beary some new pajamas," you decided.

"What color?"

You held Beary out in front of you. "What color pjs do you want, Beary?" You brought him up to your ear and nodded as he "told" you what color pajamas he wants. "He said blue!"

"Blue pajamas. I'm pretty sure we can find those."

***

Jay and you walked into Build-A-Bear Workshop at the mall and you were met with children running around. To Jay, this was the definition of hell. Except for you, he was fine with you running around, but he really didn't like all the other kids that he had to be careful not to bump into.

"C'mon, Jay Jay!" you told him as you tugged him along to the pajama section.

He allowed himself to be tugged along by you and then you held up almost every single pair of blue pajamas to Beary to see which one was his favorite. He had decided on a pair of light blue pajamas with stars all over them. There was even a cute little hat with a pom-pom on top to go with the pajamas.

Jay paid and then you left with Beary and his brand-new pajamas. You had plans to have him sleep in those pajamas tonight, too.

Unbeknownst to you, Jay hadn't even really wanted to come. The only reason he brought you was that he got his curfew extended. But to you, it was just another fun afternoon with your big brother.

You were startled out of your daydream when you felt a hand on your shoulder. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you."

Kevin.

"It's fine. I'm fine," you said quickly.

"No, you're not. And that's okay. Hailey and Voight went to see if Jay's where his phone pinged at."

"We fought," you told him.

"You fought?" Kevin asked as he slid down the wall to sit next to you.

"It was stupid. I should've just agreed with him and maybe I wouldn't be feeling like this."

"Like what?"

"Like utter shit." You sighed and ran a hand through your hair. "We were arguing about the BLM protests that were happening tonight. I wanted to go, but he wouldn't let me. The last thing I did was roll my eyes at him, Kev."

The two of you sat in silence for a few moments while Kevin figured out how to comfort you.

"Maybe talking about it will help. What'd you argue about?"

"Just that I wanted to go and he wouldn't let me because he thinks riots will break out. And you and I both know that's not the BLM protesters, that's the counter-protesters. But, he thinks I'll get hurt. I also think it's because he's a cop, so he feels like I'm protesting him, but I'm not. I'm protesting the system."

Kevin nodded. "I get it. Believe me, I do. I live it every day."

"How do you do it?" you asked. "Be an activist and a cop at the same time?"

"Just try and do the right thing with the information you have. And, explain that you're protesting the system and the bad apples, not the police force as a whole."

"I tried. But Jay doesn't think I have a right to protest because I've never had a bad experience with a cop." Which was a lie, but you weren't ready to talk about that just yet.

"Did he say that exactly?" Kevin asked.

"No, but, he asked me if a cop has ever illegally pulled me over."

Kevin nodded. "I know Jay and I know he would never say that you didn't have the right protest. He fought for that right. He mention anything else?"

"That tear gas hurts."

"I think he just wanted to keep you safe, same thing I'd do for Jordan and Vanessa."

"He sounded like he changed his mind on his voicemail, though. He thought that maybe if you were going, then he'd let me go...at least, that's what it sounded like."

Kevin nodded. "All I can say is that until we found Jay, I'm not going to one. Getting your brother is my first priority and it's the first priority of everyone in this unit."

"My first priority, too."

"Kev!" Adam yelled as he banged on the door. "You in there?"

"Yeah, bro! What's up?" Kevin asked.

"We need you to meet with someone!"

***

The hours passed and with each of them that did, you got more and more nervous for Jay's safety. You guessed that this is how he felt when you asked if you could go to the protest, knowing that he'd constantly be worrying about you until you came home safely.

"Y/N, we gotta go," Trudy said as she entered the bullpen around 9:30 pm that night.

"Why? What's going on?" you asked as you grabbed your phone and started following her.

"They found Jay."

"Is he okay?" you asked quickly.

"Y/N..."

"No! He can't be dead, Trudy! He can't!" you wailed.

"He's not. But, he has been shot."

You froze. Shot. Jay had been shot.

"He's en route to Chicago Med right now."

"Can you- can you bring me there?"

"That's where we're going right now."

***

"Will!" you yelled as you ran into the ED and saw your oldest brother.

You ran right up to him and hugged him, not caring that he almost dropped his iPad he had been using to chart.

"Whoa, Y/N." He set the iPad down. "Hey, I know. But Crockett's operating on him right now and he's one of the best surgeons in the hospital."

"I thought you were better than him. You need to do the surgery, Will. you need to save Jay!"

"Y/N, I know it sucks, but I'm family. As much as I want to operate on him, I can't legally do that."

You paused and looked up at him. His eyes were slightly red, but he hadn't been bawling the way that you had been.

"Dr. Halstead! Incoming!" Maggie yelled.

"What does she mean?" you asked, still hanging onto him. "You're still working?"

"There's been a ten-car pile-up on the highway. I have to. It's my job."

"But Jay's in surgery!" you yelled as you pulled away from him. "These people are more important to you than your own brother?"

"They aren't but--"

"But you're working anyway instead of waiting to find out what happens to him?"

"I can't do anything to help Jay right now. But I can help all these people who are pouring in."

"Dr. Halstead!" Maggie shouted again.

"I'll be up in a few hours, I promise," Will told you.

***

A few hours had passed and it was now past midnight. Jay was still in surgery. Will was sitting next to you, in a spare pair of clothes he had packed instead of his scrubs that were covered in blood, and you were leaning your head on his shoulder, close to being asleep.

That was until Crockett came out and Will jumped up, causing your head to hit the back of the chair.

"Ow," you mumbled.

"Sorry," Will apologized and then turned back to Crockett. "What's the verdict?"

"He lost a lot of blood," Crockett told the two of you.

"But he's gonna pull through, right?" Will asked what the two of you were both thinking.

"We'll be out of blood soon."

"What do you mean out of blood?" Will asked, taking a step toward the surgeon. "There's no way you can be out of blood!"

"With that pile-up, we can. I'd recommend you go and say your goodbyes and pray for a miracle."

Will put his hands on the back of his head and started pacing the room. Your breath caught in your throat. This could not be happening. Jay couldn't die, he just couldn't.

Crockett started to walk back towards the operating room.

"Wait!" you yelled. You didn't know what had taken over you, but at this moment, you'd do anything to save your brother. You rolled up your sleeve. "Take my blood."

"Y/N," was all Will could manage to get out.

"I'm sorry, Y/N, but there's protocol for that. I'd love to let you do it, but--"

"Fuck protocol!" you yelled, all the anger and sadness and anxiety that had built up over the past fifteen hours exploding at this very moment. "Rush my labs. Or don't even get my labs done at all. I haven't had sex, so I don't have any STDs. I don't have any diseases or deficiencies since I moved in with Jay years ago. My blood type's O-neg, so I'm a universal donor. Take my goddamn blood, Crockett!" You didn't care that all that information was out in the open because you were barely processing what you were saying. The only thing you cared about was making sure that your brother was okay.

"Y/N," Will said as he walked up to you and placed a hand on your shoulder.

"Don't touch me! And you sure as hell don't want to tell me to calm down!"

"Y/N," Will started again as he took his hand off your shoulder. "What Crockett's saying is that it's not ethical for him to do this. He could get fired."

"Where's the paperwork?" you asked as you turned back to Crockett. "I'll sign whatever I have to sign to make sure you aren't liable at all, that I'm donating this of my own free will. You can even take double the amount of blood that you normally do since I'm a universal donor. Just get me the paperwork."

Crockett and Will shared a look.

"I'll go get a nurse to get you the paperwork."

"Wait, no, no, no," Will said as he walked closer to Crockett. "You can't be serious about this!"

"She said she'll sign it."

"But, I have to co-sign it since she's a minor. So, no, you are not donating blood, Y/N. You almost passed out when I drew vials of your blood years ago. You know what's gonna happen if we take two units of blood? You are gonna feel like utter shit."

"Last I checked, I'm 18, so I can sign my own paperwork! God, I'm not a fucking child anymore, Will! I can make my own decisions!" you yelled back. "And if I don't do this, Jay will die. He'll die, Will. So, I'm giving him my blood with or without your support."

***

You sat in a chair, the ones that Will had told you about years ago with the big padded bar thing that came down in front of you in case you passed out. Typically, they'd just have you lay down in a bed, but since they were short on beds and Will told them that you had a history of getting dizzy and nauseous during simple blood draws, they had decided to put you here instead.

"Last chance to back out," Will told you as the nurse tied off your arm with a blue rubber tie and started to rub your arm to get the big vein in your left forearm to show.

"Jay's dying. No way in hell am I backing out."

Will sighed. He knew you were doing the right thing, but he also knew that you were going to feel terrible after, and he hated seeing you like that. "Okay," he said. "I'll stay here until they get the needle in you and then I'll get you some juice and cookies."

"Ready?" Monique asked.

"Ready," you confirmed. You turned to Will and squeezed your eyes shut as the needle pierced your vein. You heard the sound of the machine and knew your blood was going in there, but you didn't want to look. Getting your blood drawn, you could watch. But this, this was just too much blood to see, so you looked at Will.

"Doing okay?" he asked a few minutes later.

"Yeah," you answered because that was the absolute truth: you were feeling just fine.

"Okay, I'm gonna go get you some cookies and juice. I'll get an update on Jay while I'm out there, too."

You nodded and he left the room.

This wasn't so bad.

***

Okay, so you were lying to yourself. You were currently in hell. Giving the blood hadn't been an issue, it was how you felt after you were done giving blood.

You were currently sitting in that same chair, drinking some juice that Will had brought you. He told you that there was still no update on Jay, but that they were sending the blood back to him right now. (They had rushed labs on a small vial of blood that Monique took before you started the donation. The results came back while you were giving blood, and since your blood was clean, you could give it to Jay.) But, God, but you felt absolutely awful.

"You doing okay?" Will asked.

You shook your head and then stopped because it made you dizzy and put your head in your hands. "No," you groaned.

He handed you a glass of water. "Drink a bit of this too and then I'll open your pack of cookies."

"Why do you want me to drink water and not juice?" you asked as you closed your eyes and tried to stop the spinning in your head.

"Because, you're sweating, Short Stack. Need you to stay hydrated."

You took a few sips of water and then went back to your juice. Will handed you your pack of chocolate chip cookies and you started to eat them.

"Mhm," you groaned and laid your head down on the padded bar thing in front of you that kept you from falling out of the chair. "I don't feel so good."

You felt hot and cold at the same time and the world seemed to spin every time you lifted your head up. And, those cookies did not sit well with you.

"How do you feel? What hurts?" Will asked, jumping into doctor mode since Monique wasn't around. Will assured her that he could look after you while you recovered from your blood being donated at twice the normal amount.

"I just feel like shit," you told him, not picking up your head.

"You gotta give me some symptoms. Give me some symptoms and then I can help."

"Mhm, fine." You looked up at him and blinked slowly. "I feel hot and cold and sweaty. And I feel dizzy and nauseous."

"Okay. That's either a vasovagal reaction or from your blood pressure being low or from your  heart rate being slowed down."

"What's that reaction thingy?"

"You don't like blood in general, so a nervous system response can happen, which could explain your reactions. But, your BP could also be low, which could explain all this too. And, it's one in the morning and you haven't slept yet, so tiredness could also be a factor."

"Great," you said sarcastically as you remembered the last time your blood pressure was low.

You had taken some of Jay's medication that he had to ward off his PTSD-induced nightmares after you were involved in a shooting at a house party. The one time you took them without sleeping directly after, you felt almost exactly like this...except without the sweatiness. You just mostly felt dizzy. You had called Will, he came over, and then you ended passing out and he had to get you to Med. Then you were admitted and they got your pressure back up. You were also prescribed sleeping pills which had helped immensely.

Will grabbed a blood pressure cuff from a drawer. "Arm," he told you. You held out your arm and he wrapped the cuff around it and pumped the end of it.

You waited as he looked at the gauge on the blood pressure cuff. Will said one number over another number, which meant nothing to you, but must've meant something to him. You raised your eyebrows, hoping he was going to tell you what those numbers meant in non-medical English terms.

"BP's low, which explains most of the symptoms," he told you.

You took another bite of your cookie and washed it down with some juice, but then immediately after started dry heaving.

Will rushed around and then thrust a pink basin under your mouth.

You took a deep breath after you finally stopped dry heaving about thirty seconds later.

"Better?" Will asked. You shook your head. "I'm going to get you an IV of anti-nausea medication."

You were going to argue with him about how he wasn't working, so he probably couldn't get you that. And, you were fairly certain he couldn't prescribe things to family. But, you felt terrible, so you really don't care if Will was being reckless and borderline unethical/illegal right now.

You nodded and then laid your head back down.

When Will came back, he thought you were asleep, but when you heard footsteps, you looked up.

"Alright," he began as he assembled the IV. "Last poke of the day, I promise."

"After this can I take a nap in the on-call room?" you asked as you held your arm out to him once again.

"You know I can't let you do that." Will tied a blue band around your arm and started rubbing it to get a vein in the inside of your elbow. Then, he noticed your pale and sweaty face. "Fine. Hopefully, Goodwin won't fire me after this. But I have a good reason. Turn so you don't see the needle."

You did and closed your eyes. You felt the poke and squeezed your eyes shut, but then it subsided and you felt that weird feeling of the medicine going straight into your veins. God, you hoped this worked.

You hoped Jay would survive because you didn't just go through all that for nothing.

***

You slowly opened your eyes as you felt someone shaking your shoulder. "No," you groaned as you turned to face the other side of the bed.

But then you remembered where you were: the doctors on-call room because Jay had been shot. Maybe it was Will waking you up to tell you--

"Short Stack, wake up. Jay's awake."

That got you wide awake.

You snapped your eyes open, rolled over, and jumped out of bed.

"I take it you're feeling better?" Will asked.

"Sleep helps. Let's go!"

Will quickly led you out of the room and through some hallways and up a few flights of stairs to Jay's recovery room.

He was currently talking to Hailey.

"Jay!" you exclaimed as you burst into the room to see him with a sling and see Hailey helping him with his jacket.

"Hey, Short Stack," he greeted and then turned his attention back to Hailey. "Sorry, what were you saying?"

"Uh, just that I'm glad you're back," she told him. "I'll give you some time with your siblings." She turned her attention to Will. "Oh, and the things you told me to tell Kim to get are in that corner." She pointed to the left front corner of the room. "Bye, guys." She waved and then left.

You gave Jay a huge hug and tried to avoid his arm that was in a sling. "Don't you ever do that again, you hear me?" you told him seriously and then looked up at him with tears in your eyes.

Jay chuckled. "I'll try not to."

"You better do more than try." You went back to leaning your head against his chest as tears soaked his t-shirt.

"Hey, hey, don't cry," he soothed. "I'm okay. I'm fine, Y/N."

"I was so scared. The last thing we would've done was argue. I'm so sorry. I should never have asked to go to those protests. I know you were just trying to protect me--"

"Hey, it's okay for you to have your own opinions and views. It's just gonna take me a while to get used to you being an adult now and not that little sister who would always hold my hand and beg to go to Build-A-Bear."

"Speaking of Build-A-Bear," Will started and then walked over to the corner of the room and picked up two boxes. They were white boxes with dark blue designs on them. You knew those boxes: they were what the workers put new bears in when a kid came and bought one. You let go of Jay. Will peeked into one of the holes. "This one's for you." He handed Jay a box. "And this one's for you." He handed you the other box.

"You got us Build-A-Bears?" you asked as you raised an eyebrow.

"Just open the boxes."

You did and laughed when you saw Beary in the box, dressed in a hospital gown and white little bunny slippers. Your brothers were not kidding when they said they'd get one for you.

Jay laughed as he opened his. His Build-A-Bear was a light blue color and it also had on a hospital gown as well as a sling on one arm. The bear also had on a policeman cap. "Oh, man," Jay said as he continued laughing.

"Press the right paw," Will told him and he did, causing Ruzek's voice to float through the room.

Stop getting kidnapped. Glad you're okay, though.

You started laughing hysterically at this point.

"One more thing," Will said as he walked over to the counter and pulled out a marker and two hospital bracelets. On one he wrote Beary Halstead. "Jay, what are you naming your bear?" Will asked.

"I gotta name it?"

"Um, it's not an it. It's a he or a she...could be a they, too," you said.

"Fine. I gotta name him?"

"Yes," Will told him.

Jay groaned. "Fine. Blue."

"Boo! That's boring," you said.

He groaned again. "Detective Blue. There. Better?"

"Better," you confirmed.

Will wrote Det. Blue Halstead on the other hospital band. Then, he handed Beary's to you and Detective Blue's to Jay.

"I cannot believe you," Jay said.

"I can," Will laughed. "Now put it on him. Just like Y/N's doing with Beary."

Jay reluctantly put it on Detective Blue's arm. But then he realized something. "Wait, why does Beary have a hospital gown if Y/N wasn't in the hospital?"

"Yeah, about that..." you trailed off.

Jay cocked his head to the side. "What did you do this time?"

"Other than save your life, I got nauseous and Will had to give me anti-nausea medication," you explained.

"Wait, back up. You saved my life? How?" Jay asked as he looked between you and Will.

"She essentially cussed at Crockett until she got what she wanted," Will said nonchalantly.

"Which was...?" Jay pried.

"Giving you blood because the hospital was out because of a car accident. If she wouldn't have given you blood..." Will trailed off, not wanting to say the words.

"I'd be dead," Jay practically whispered.

"Yeah," Will confirmed, his voice at about the same volume as Jay's.

Jay felt himself getting choked up as he pulled you in for another hug. "Thank you."

"I know you'd do the same for me."

"In a heartbeat, Short Stack. In a heartbeat."

You stayed like that until Will went ahead and broke the comfortable silence that had fallen over the three of you.

"I hate to break this up, but there's something else I need to tell you guys," Will said.

You and Jay both turned to him and you let yourself out of Jay's embrace. "Which is?" you asked.

"Voight gave Jay two weeks furlough to recover and I talked Goodwin into giving me two weeks vacation--"

"How in the hell did you do that?" Jay asked.

"Let's just say I'm going to be working Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Year's Eve, and New Year's Day. But that's beside the point. We have two weeks of vacation time."

"You do know I work right?" you asked.

"At a coffee shop, not at a big kid job," Will said. "And, I had Kim and Adam stop in there on their way to get the bears. They explained the situation and your work gave you two weeks off. Adam said he may have had to flash his badge, but that's beside the point."

"And you took vacation because...?" you asked.

"We need to make sure Jay relaxes and there's so many protests-turned-riots happening right now that we should probably get out of here."

"You do know it's not the peaceful protesters starting those, right? It's counter-protesters and other people who are racist bigots and people who decided they have no other choice but to be violent," you said, making your views known once again.

"I'm very much aware, Y/N. But, no matter who started it, people were running from tear gas and burning buildings last night."

"Alright, back on topic," Jay started, not wanting to have another argument like he had two days ago with you. "Where are we going?"

"I figured Wisconsin would be a good choice."

***

"It's my turn to pick the music," you whined as Will looked for another song on your long drive to Wisconsin.

"I'm the oldest, so I get control of it," Will argued.

"No, you've controlled it for the last three hours. I've had to listen to nineties hip-hop for that long. My eardrums are gonna bleed. Please make him give the aux, Jay."

"Dude, just give her the aux, and then she'll be quiet. Remember, she likes early 2000s pop-punk and 2000s stuff in general. We'll probably know most of it."

Will reluctantly handed you the aux. "Thank you. And, just to remind you two, I'm a big fan of Taylor Swift's first few albums and 5 Seconds of Summer."

You clicked play on Take What You Want by One OK Rock featuring 5 Seconds of Summer. You queued up some more songs by 5 Seconds of Summer and two by Taylor Swift, just to mess with your brothers, and then you added songs they would know like All the Small Things by Blink-182, Check Yes, Juliet by We The Kings, Dear Maria, Count Me In by All Time Low, and Ocean Avenue by Yellowcard.

By the time Dear Maria, Count Me In started playing, all three of you were jamming out, which caused Jay to forget to put his blinker on when he changed lanes...and there was a cop right there in the emergency turnaround.

Jay heard and saw the sirens behind him and slowed down. He knew the drill from pulling people over on his days on patrol. Now that he was in Intelligence, he practically just ripped the criminals out of their cars and handcuffed them against the side of their (usually stolen) car.

He got out his license and registration, along with his badge because he did have his service weapon with him. He'd be damned not bringing it with him in this day and age...and sometimes there were coyotes and he and Will didn't know if the old hunting rifle at the cabin that your grandpa used to use even had ammunition in and if there was even any ammunition at the cabin.

Jay rolled down his window as the officer walked up to him.

Your hands started to sweat and your heart started to race as you remembered your last encounter with an officer that you didn't know.

You were driving home from the library late at night after studying for a biology exam. And no, the library wasn't an excuse for going out and partying. You genuinely had gone to the library and had had a great and very focused study session for a few hours.

All of a sudden, you saw flashing lights and heard sirens. You turned down your music. You looked in your rear-view mirror and saw that the cop was right on your tail. He turned off his sirens and then turned them on and off quickly.

You were the one getting pulled over.

You pulled off to the side of the road and then rolled down your window.

"License and registration," the officer told you. He looked young, maybe a rookie.

"What's the problem officer?" you asked. Jay always told you that you had a right to know why you had been pulled over.

"You were going three miles over the speed limit, did you know that?"

"I don't recall how fast I was driving." Jay always told you never to admit to speeding because then you could fight the ticket if you ended up getting one.

"License and registration, please," he repeated.

"Reaching into my glove compartment and moving some CDs to get my registration," you narrated and then handed the registration to the officer. "Reaching over to my passenger seat to grab my purse which has my license in it...unzipping my purse...reaching in for my license." You handed him your license.

He ran your information and then came back to the window. "I'm sorry, Miss, but I have to give you a ticket."

You furrowed your eyebrows. For three miles over the speed limit? No fucking way was this happening.

"Uh," was all you could say.

"But, there is something you can do to get out of this ticket. You help me out, I help you out."

"I- I don't understand," you stuttered.

He looked down and you followed where he was looking and cupping himself with the hand that wasn't holding your license and registration.

"I- I..."

"Or I can just up this speeding ticket to going twenty miles over it. Say there was an open container in the car, too," he said.

You had no idea what to say. You couldn't risk getting your insurance upped and getting a minor in possession charge. You'd never be allowed to drive again!

But, there's no way you'd do this. You couldn't. But he was so much bigger than you that he could hold you down with one hand tied behind his back.

He placed his hand on the door handle. "You have three seconds to make your decision. One...Two..."

"My brother's Jay Halstead! Badge number 51163! His Sergeant's Hank Voight!" Your voice trembled as you yelled that and you were close to tears.

He looked back down at your license. It did say Y/N Halstead on it. He handed you back your license and registration. "Have a nice night."

Then, he walked back to his patrol car, got in, turned off the sirens, and drove off. You were so scared that you didn't even look to see what his last name or badge number was.

Once you had stayed pulled over for a good couple of minutes to make sure that the cop was nowhere in sight, you started driving again. You stopped at a drive-thru and got yourself a chocolate flurry with Oreos. Then, you sat in the parking lot with your hands still shaking and your heart still racing as you ate and started to cry. You cried for almost half an hour and waited there for another fifteen minutes so your eyes wouldn't be as puffy when you got home because you didn't want Jay asking questions.

"Y/N, you good?" Jay asked, taking you out of your thoughts.

"Yeah, yeah," you said quickly...almost too quickly. "Why?"

"Will just asked if you wanted to go back because we missed a song and you didn't answer."

"Yeah, I can do that." You quickly went back to the previous song and tried to sing with as much happiness as you did previously. But, you didn't get the image of that night or the feeling of dread out of your stomach for another hour.

***

You woke up the next morning very well-rested. The boys had taken the loft and the two twin beds that were up there and you got to take your mom and dad's old room because you were the only girl, so they said it was only fair that you got the bedroom.

You heard the dripping of water and got out of bed and then padded down the hall and to the kitchen. Jay was standing there in pajama pants and a t-shirt. (Thank God he wasn't shirtless for once in the morning. Your brothers really needed to learn how to put shirts on when they walked out of their rooms in the morning...and maybe by you telling them to put a shirt on all the time, you training them had finally paid off.) He drummed his fingers on the counter while he waited for the coffee to be done.

"Morning," you said.

He turned around. "Good morning. Shocked you're awake. It's only 8 am."

"And I'm shocked you haven't been up for two hours," you retorted.

"Oh, I've been up for an hour, just been reading upstairs. Will's not up yet, though."

"He always sleeps late when he doesn't have to work though, doesn't he?"

"Pretty much. We've made breakfast plans before and he's missed them because he was sleeping."

The timer went off on the coffee pot, alerting you that it was finished. Jay started to pour his in a tumbler. He held out a tumbler to you. You raised an eyebrow, silently wondering why he wasn't pouring it into a mug.

"I was gonna go for a morning canoe ride. You can come along if you want. Wouldn't want hot coffee spilling all over us," he told you.

"Did you bring creamer?" you asked.

"Irish cream creamer, just for you."

You reached into the fridge and grabbed the creamer.

"So, canoe ride?" Jay asked.

"Sure."

He poured coffee into a tumbler for you and then slid it to you to put your desired amount of creamer in.

***

Twenty minutes later, you were starting out in the canoe. You told Jay there was no way in hell that you'd be doing the rowing. He told you that he could only row with one arm because of his sling, so you'd have to do the other side. Skeptically, you started rowing. Jay told you that you'd be fine, just to follow his instructions.

Fifteen minutes later, when you were out in the middle of the lake, facing the forests of Wisconsin, he stopped.

"Why'd you stop?" you asked.

He picked up his tumbler of coffee off the floor of the canoe. "We need to talk."

"About what?" you asked as you picked up yours as well and held it with both hands.

"About your reaction last night when I got pulled over. You freaked. I need to know why."

"I- I didn't freak. I was just tired," you lied.

"You had quite the amount of energy right before that," he quipped.

"It's nothing."

"Y/N, I'm not letting this go. Is it because of the protests and riots and because of all the media coverage and those few bad apple cops and, I guess the system, that you're seeing that's making you nervous?"

"No, it's not that."

"Then what is it?"

"You're not going to let this go are you?" you asked.

"I will stay in this canoe in the middle of the lake until you tell me what is going on, Y/N Halstead."

"You wouldn't."

Jay shrugged with the arm that wasn't currently in a sling. "Try me."

You sighed. "Just don't be mad that I didn't tell you sooner, okay?"

"I won't. You have my word on that."

"So, a little over a month ago I was driving home from the library..."

***

When you finished, you were in tears. "Did you get a last name? Badge number?" Jay asked as he rubbed circles on your back with his good hand.

You sniffled. "N- No. I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to apologize for. Nothing at all."

"If I wouldn't have said- said your name...He had his hand on my door handle! And he was so much bigger than me. I'm sorry!"

You turned and buried your face in his chest. "Y/N, you have nothing to be sorry for."

"I should've told you right away, though! But you just had that really rough case and I didn't want to put too much on your shoulders and--"

"Y/N, I need you to take a deep breath. You need to breathe. This was not your fault. None of it was."

You calmed your breathing and just sat there, silent tears streaming down your face.

"That's why I wanted to go to the protests," you said after a few minutes. "Because I've actually had a bad experience with a cop."

"Which should've never happened in the first place."

"I was so scared," you whispered.

Jay just hugged you tighter as he thought about how strong his little sister was. You had given blood to save his life even though you knew you'd feel terrible after and you hadn't told him about this horrible cop--which he would kick this cop's ass the minute the got back to Chicago--because you didn't want him to have too much on his plate after that terrible case where he put an innocent man in jail and got him killed...which was the main reason he had been shot.

"When we get back to the cabin, I'll try and call Voight. I don't know if I'll have service, though."

"Why?" you asked.

"I'm gonna have him look up who was on their beat near you that night so he can go interrogate people on my behalf. Probably best he does it and not me." Because Jay knew that the minute he saw that cop, he wouldn't be able to hold himself back.

You nodded.

"Hey, cheer up, kid. We're here for two weeks, away from everything. Away from the city and everything that goes on there. And I can promise you that that cop will get what's coming to him, whether that be losing his job or going to jail or prison."

"Do I have to tell Will? Or can you tell him? I really don't want to talk about this again."

"I can do it," Jay answered. "Speaking of Will, if he's not up when we get back, what do we say we wake him up with some cold lake water?"

"Like dump it on him?" you asked as you widened your eyes. Jay nodded. "No, that's mean. Then he'll have to wait for his sheets to dry out and they'll smell the entire time."

"We have spare sheets and blankets in the closet."

"Fine, let's do it. But just so you know, I'm telling him that it was your idea and I also have a lock on my bedroom door here, which will make it harder for him to sneak in and dump water on me."

"I will be sleeping in your room tonight," Jay joked.

"Nope. It was your idea, so you're gonna have to live with Will's payback."

Those two weeks were filled with laughter, pranks, board games, corn hole, swimming, fishing (well, you read either in the canoe or on the dock while the boys fished), and just spending time with each other. You were glad that Will had the bright idea to take two weeks up here...even though he got drenched in cold lake water the first morning by you and Jay.

A/N: I got a request from @ La_lectrice_33 on wattpad for Y/N going to the dentist, so I hope you liked that little scene! I also got a request from an anon on here about Jay and Will's reactions to her growing up, so I put that in here, too. Thank you for over 23k reads! I won't be posting until this Sunday (August 1) when I start posting AUs for AU-gust. Please remember to like/reblog and comment because I love seeing those like/reblog notifications pop up and love reading your comments and asks! As always, if you would like to be added to my tag list, just tell me and I’ll add you! Finally, like my imagines? Buy me a coffee (only $1 through Paypal and other currencies can be used) here: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/Kayela

taglist:  @theambracer88  @virtualreader @kelelas-life @celyndavies @brookerz122493 @musicismyescape27  @anotherfan07  @thexplosivegirl @dreamingwithlens @xoxmariaxox @onechicago18 @iamasimpingh0e @i-like-sparkly-things  @herecomesthewriterwitch  @liampayne88

[quietmyfearswith]

obssessed ; preferences

warnings — stalking, nonconsensual location/location tracking, obsessive behaviors, manipulation, knife, mentions of killing someone (no actual murder)

characters — dark!andy barber, dark!steve rogers, dark!ransom drysdale, dark!bucky barnes, dark!clark kent, dark!syverson, dark!august walker

a/n — THIS IS A DARK FIC WITH DARK THEMES,, dni if youre not 18+,, just a thought that played around in my mind so yeah. lmk what you think!

their love language | with their little | when you’re insecure | slipping into little space | fussy | happy hoelidays | cartoons

masterlist

To celebrate the case they won they held a little party at the office; though Andy wasn’t in a celebratory mood. With his hand clasped together against his lips, his eyes were watching closely his phone screen as he was awaiting a text from his beloved girlfriend who promised to be here. “Hey Andy, we’re popping the champagne already; are you joining us?” Tearing his attention away from the device, he smiled a bit as he told them, “I will once Y/N comes over.”  Tess, the assistant who invited him, chuckled a bit before leaving him alone in his office, “Staring at the phone won’t make her come over any quicker you know?” It was something they never really confronted Andy about — almost everyone at the office noticed how he had a firm grip around the girl, but no one dared to question or comment about it because they know how the skilled lawyer would come after them once they do — but silently they understood that if you spoke, let alone looked at her, badly it wouldn’t end well for everyone.

As the door shut once Tess walked away, his intense gaze returned once again to the mobile phone as he awaits a response from his girl. “Baby! I’m here now,” Snapping his head to the source of the sound, he immediately stood up and hugged Y/N as he let out a relieved sigh. “Where were you? And most importantly why didn’t you answer my text or return my calls hm?” Rolling her eyes with how her boyfriend was grilling her as if she was one of the witnesses he had on his case she apologized, “I’m sorry, baby. I got held up at the salon because my mani took longer than expected,” Her manicured nails then raised her phone to show how even as she pressed the button it wouldn’t turn on, “And my phone ran out of battery.” Wrapping an arm around her, he removed her bag and left it by the coat hanger and guided them to where the party was. “I’m gonna buy you a portable charger, baby; that way you won’t ever run out.” Innocently, she smiled and thanked him with a kiss on the lips before saying hello to his colleagues whom she got along well. That way the tracker I put on your phone will always be turned on, he deviously thought to himself as he sipped some of his champagne.

“Another long day huh?” August asked as he peeked his head around Y/N’s cubicle. It was quite odd to say the least — a field agent of his caliber not having his own office instead opting for a cubicle beside one of CIA’s lanky desk jockey? It was one of the questions she asked the infamous Hammer as he settled on the office cubicle beside hers, “Why settle for a tiny office station?” She asked to which he chuckled at as he explained, “Half the year I’m somewhere around the world; so what’s the point of having a big office if I don’t enjoy it all year round?” It was a good, solid point — one she so easily believed without a second thought — but unfortunately it was all a lie. Ever since Walker saw her once at a meeting Sloane held, he was hooked. Initially it was just her beauty and energy, but as he got to know her more he fell for who and what she was. “Yeah, I might need to stay a bit longer than usual,” She replied as she lifted the files she held, pinning the blame on the current target that needed to be researched on. “How ‘bout some coffee then?” Ears ringing with joy at his offer, she looked at him with an appreciative look as she nodded. Chuckling at her reaction, he stood up and trodden over the pantry. Installing surveillance devices on her work computer and cameras around her desk paid off since it allowed him to know everything there is to discover about her — her favorite artists, pet peeves, how she liked her coffee, home address, mobile phone number, even her social security number!

“How’d you know how I like my coffee?” She asked after taking a sip of the hot beverage; with a smile he shrugs as he pretends to get back to the work on his computer, “Well it was just a wild guess.” In her mind however, she did find her tastes to be quite basic and didn’t doubt August which was a relief to the field agent. “I think I’ll be going home now,” She announced as she shut off her computer and began to clean up her desk. “Need a ride home?” He knew she did, since he overheard her talking to a mechanic earlier that day about a defect her car suddenly had, “Yeah I do actually, but I wouldn't want to hassle you.” Quickly putting on his brown coat, he was standing up as he fished his keys out, “Nonsense! I don’t mind helping a colleague out.” Conceding, she took up his generous offer with a smile. As they were making an easy-going conversation, Y/N gave her address; but what she didn’t know is that not only did August know by heart where she lived, but he had also paid her house a visit multiple times in the past.

With an arm draped around her shoulder, Bucky and Y/N walked around the farmer’s market; the latter whined endlessly to her boyfriend how she wanted to buy some products. And though the thought of going out in the crowds wasn’t at all appealing to him, the need to make her smile made him go anyway. Leading him up to the different stalls, the former Winter Soldier couldn’t help but chuckle at how she would coo and be all excited for the different groceries, clothes, and figurines. “Slow down, doll. The market’s not going anywhere,” Bucky told her as he tailed behind her as he carried over 10 different bags filled with her purchases. It wouldn’t normally be a problem for him to look after her, but as the path became filled with people and him being preoccupied with the bags he held made him unable to keep a grip on her. With worried, drifting eyes, he was searching for his girlfriend who seemed to have blended right up with the bustling crowds, “Y/N? Doll? Where are you?” 

Setting the bags down on a vacant table, he then spotted her standing by a stall that sold her favorite food. His relieved smile was soon being replaced with a scowl as she was talking and laughing with another man. Whipping out the knife he kept on the pocket of his jeans, he was ready to torture the man. But as Y/N turned to him with a wide smile, it had him hiding the knife out of her sight, “Bucky! Look it’s Sam, my cousin!” Upon her introducing who the man was, the knife that was hidden was being kept back into its original hiding spot before he shook hands with the man, “Oh! Nice meeting you same, I’m Y/N’s boyfriend.” As they shook hands Sam had given them both a look as he sassed, “I know who you are! This one,” He referred to Y/N by pinching her side as she smacked his hand and giggled, “Won’t stop gushing about you every time we talk.” Seeing how she was clinging to his metal arm as she nuzzled her cheek to his side was all the confirmation Bucky needed; Sam then excused himself, “Well you got to swing by one of our family gatherings, yeah Bucky?” Nodding, they all exchanged farewells before the couple headed to the table where their bags still were — thankfully not stolen. “You shouldn’t have run off like that, doll. Got me real worried for a second,” He gently scolded her with a stern look. Pouting, she defended herself, “I’m sorry, Bucky! I just saw these cute little mason jars, but they were too expensive so I walked away. Then I smelt something delicious so I followed it and it turned out it was my favorite food; but Sam was there so I chatted with him instead.” Ending her enthusiastic breakdown of events with a sweet peck on the lips, he told her, “Doll you know that I would have bought you anything your sweet heart wanted. Just don’t go anywhere without me okay?”

The soft ping on his phone made Jensen pause his movements as he was selecting  a movie that you both would watch; eyebrow raising when he noticed that a certain “Steve” was texting you. Opening the text through the software he installed on both your phones allowed him to see every activity you do on your phone — but it wasn’t the only feature it had for it also allowed him to change the texts, emails, and other settings on her phone. A frown graced his handsome features as he read the text, “ Hey Y/N I can squeeze you in on Thursday, at 3pm. Are you free by then?” Displeased, he then sent a text to the guy saying how his assistance wouldn’t be needed any more. And he edited the text Steve sent her to make it seem that it was Steve that texted how he could no longer accommodate her. “Got some chips and chocolates!”

Her excited voice brought his attention from his phone screen to her excited face as she plopped herself beside him. “Thanks, babe,” Kissing her forehead, he sneakily looked over to where she was unlocking her phone and reading the text; noticing how she pouted he inquired, “What's wrong, babe?” Snuggling up to his side after sending a reply, she explained, “Steve said he can’t meet up with me anymore.” As he was rubbing her back, he faked the symphony, “Aw that’s too bad; why did you even need to meet up with Steve anyway?” She did not pick up on the faint hints of darkness on his tone, “He was my dentist! He was going to determine whether I need to have surgery for my tooth, remember?” At the revelation of who Steve really was, the  communications and technology expert felt slightly guilty but he was quick to reassure her, “Don’t worry baby I know a dentist who can help you.” Feeling her hum appreciatively against him, she planted a kiss on his cheek as they both focused on the movie; and as her eyes were trained on the screen, he whispered lowly, “You're only gonna be around people I trust, babe.”

There was a reason Sy had chosen a house that was nearly thirty minutes away from downtown — it was so their friends and families would feel lazy or discouraged to visit them due to the distance and time it took to get there. “Where on earth do you need to be today, petal?” Sy’s morning voice huskily rasped out in her ear; they both had just woken up and as Y/N was moving to stand up from the bed, she was being trapped in his muscular arms for a hug. Giggling at how he was being, she rolled around so they would be facing each other, “‘M going out with my friends today — Sophia and Rose have been bugging me about how we don’t hang out as often anymore.” At the mention of her going out and leaving him, Sy’s mood deflated and his eyes went wide; this wasn’t how he pictured this day going. “But petal, you’re gonna leave me all alone in this big house? ‘M gonna miss you so much,” The former army captain whined as she got out of his grasp and heading to wash up in their ensuite bathroom — not before bopping his nose as she reminded him, “Well you chose this house, bear. Plus, it’s only just for a while.”

Sitting up on their bed the man could only cross his arms and grumble, which was interrupted with her phone ringing. After seeing that it was her friend, Sophia, who was calling he then answered it for her, “Hey Y/N! Can’t wait to see you; we’ll pick you up in 20 minutes okay?” Taking the opportunity, Sy then decided to fabricate a lie, “Oh hey Sophia, it’s Sy,” He paused before saying the next parts in a hushed tone, “Y/N won’t be able to make it since she hurt her foot two days ago when going down the stairs. I know she was so looking forward to seeing you. Will do, bye.” With a smirk, the man set her phone back down on the nightstand, just in time since Y/N exited the bathroom, “Who was that, bear?” Making his way over to her, he hugged her as he kissed her forehead, “Sophia, calling to say she’s gonna have to cancel because she’s sick. And Rose was called in to work.” It was clear on her face that she was disappointed because she was looking forward to catching up with her friends, but her boyfriend tried to mirror her expression when in reality he was overjoyed with getting her all to himself. “Guess that leaves just the two of us, petal. Don’t worry, we’re gonna have fun today.” 

“Fucking hell,” Ransom cursed as he was speeding to go to where your tracker said you were. He had gifted you a necklace six months into the relationship, and it was costly not just because of the intricate design it has but also because he had put a tracker on it to keep tabs of your whereabouts — not that you knew about it. You both had a fight the night before, and it didn’t end well since it led to the two of you sleeping in separate rooms and Ransom drinking away his misery. So imagine his surprise when he woke up and found how you weren’t in the house and he noticed as well how a duffel bag that was in your shared walk-in closet was gone; the writer thought of the worst possibilities. And his anger went through the roof when he saw how you were at his grandfather’s house; it was one thing that you guys fought, but to involve his family in this? That was bound to be a fucking mess. As he parked the car by the driveway, he stepped out in rushed steps that were slowed down by the two dogs barking and crowding him, “Shoo, get away, mutts!” He scared them away and entered the house, “Alright where is she?” His yell echoed through the walls as Marta who was walking from the kitchen and into the foyer was startled, “Hugh, what brings you here?” 

“Where’s Y/N?” Knowing Y/N’s secret, the nurse swallowed nervously as she reluctantly told the truth, “She’s with Harlan at the gathering area.” On his way there he noticed how there were some party decorations — some colorful streamers and balloons — on the walls before he saw his girlfriend who was looking through something on her iPad, “What the hell are you doing here?” His voice caused her to gasp out loud as she looked like a deer caught off guard by headlights; standing up she walked towards him, her hands gripping onto his forearms, “We fight and you end up here to my grandfather to what? Complain and seek refuge?” Though his words stung she chose not to feed onto his anger, “Can you promise to listen out to me first?” Seeing how she was calm and not as mad as the night before, he gulped down and nodded. “When you accused me of cheating on you, it hurt because I knew that that wasn’t the truth,” She paused briefly to monitor his reactions, and she knew that he would then ask what was up with her behavior so she addressed it before being prompted to, “And the reason why I seem to be distant or busy these past few days is because I was planning on throwing a surprise party for you — for the success of your book.” At her explanation he could feel his entire body relax at the relief of him not having to kill anyone; also it made sense to him why his grandfather’s house had some ornaments hanging. Pulling her close to him, he hugged her tight as he kissed the top of her head, “Princess, I was so close to killing someone, you have no idea.” Swatting his back, she laughed at him, “I think you owe me an apology, mister. Not only did you ruin the surprise but you also accused me of cheating on you.” Smirking at her he replied, “I’ll make it up to you for the rest of our lives, princess, don’t you worry about it.” And he meant every single word of that promise; for he knew he wanted no one else but her.

The mission went well since the new agents did their jobs well — even exceeding Steve’s expectations of how they would handle the pressure and what decisions they would make in order for the mission to be a success. As the quinjet landed and they were given the clearance to exit the aircraft, the super soldier frowned when he took note how his girlfriend wasn’t anywhere near the landing pad. She always welcomes me back, he thought. The weight of his duffle bag on his arm didn’t matter to him as the feeling of worry and anxiety about his girl was way heavier. Immediately, he headed to their shared living quarters where he hoped she would be, “Kitten? I’m home,” His voice bounced off the walls as he dropped his bag on the floor and looked through every nook of the room. Now his anger and confusion was through the roof and he then decided to consult, “Friday, where’s Y/N?”

“She’s at the common area with Sam and Pietro, Captain,” As soon as AI mentioned where she was he found himself striding briskly towards her location. If she was with Bucky, it wouldn’t have alarmed him as much. But the Captain had a hunch that Sam secretly liked his girl and had plans of stealing him away from him; while Pietro was a natural flirt and joker. Even just by standing at the doorway he heard his beloved’s giggles as Sam recalled an exaggerated story. “There you are, kitten,” He let out, relieved upon seeing his girl alive in one piece. Turning her head, she smiled widely upon seeing her boyfriend and abandoned her conversation with the two Avengers to run to Steve with open arms. “Steve! I missed you so much,” She squealed as the super soldier caught her effortlessly and wrapped his thick arms tightly around her figure. “What are you doing with these troublemakers, kitten?” He wondered out loud, completely ignoring two offended looks from the said men. “I was bored of waiting for you in our room so I went here,” She was cut off from her explanations when Sam added, “That, and we missed hanging out with Y/N!” Even though Y/N giggled, Steve was trying his best to control his rage; but Pietro wanted to push him further to his limits by saying, “You hog her all the damn time we forget how great her company is!” the only girl in the room squealed as she was being carried off by Steve, “Well I don’t want you around her that’s why I hog my girl around.” Everyone around the super soldier still thought that he was joking and decided to laugh it off; Sam’s voice called out to them once more to tell a joke before they both had fully exited the room, “Yeah? Well why don’t you just lock her up in a secluded house then?” That’s exactly my plan, Sam, Steve smirked to himself quietly.

Clark needed an escape that night; for someone who has inhumane powers the stress of his job at the Daily Planet can definitely take a toll on one person — so he decided to go flying around at night, just to take his mind off things. As he was flying, he sensed trouble and decided to check out what was happening. It was a woman who was being bothered by her ex who was clearly under the influence, “Goddamn it, Alex! I told you I don’t want to talk to you!” Y/N was trying her best to push him away, but even in his drunken state he had a  tight grip on her forearms. “Just wanna talk to you, baby,” He sing-songed as he tried to push his body closer to hers. “I think she made it clear that she doesn’t want to,” A booming voice spoke up, causing Y/N to gasp out loud when she saw Superman himself; Alex however grunted at the searing pain on his shoulder caused by the mysterious man, the pain weakening his hold on the girl to the point where he tore his hands away from Y/N to push away the weight on his shoulder. In his drunken state, he failed to piece together how it was the infamous hero in front of him — instead all he saw was a tall, muscular man and decided he didn’t want to have his face beaten up so he just walked away with his arms up in surrender. “Are you alright, miss?” Clark gently asked the woman who felt relieved she was no longer being bothered by her ass of an ex. “I am, thank you.” She nodded and before she could ask how’d she find him he offered, “Would you need help getting home? Just to make sure he won’t follow you again.” He was quick to clarify, in hopes she won’t find him creepy. “I know you have good intentions, but it’s fine. I don’t think he has the balls, let alone the energy, to bother me. At least for tonight.” With that she waved at the hero goodnight before getting into her car and driving into her apartment — but she didn’t know how up in the sky above, a certain pair of blue eyes followed her journey home.

“Hi! You must be the one who moved next door?” Y/N politely greeted the man as she was leaned by her front door. Clark smiled as he adjusted his glasses — suddenly feeling nervous upon seeing her beautiful face once more, “That is me! Though the one who moved next door is quite a mouthful; you can just call me Clark.” As she laughed at his lame joke she told her name, “And feel free to knock if you need anything, okay?” Taking his nod of agreement as a cue that their conversation ended, she entered her apartment. The son of Jor-El II went inside his own apartment that was directly next to hers  — he did so because days and nights of following her didn’t satiate his hunger for her, so he decided that perhaps this would be a clean way of easing her into a relationship — and busied himself with organizing his belongings in his apartment. Hearing Y/N’s increased heart rate and her voice raised, he opened his door to check out what was going on; and the sight of her ex bothering her once again. “Come on, Y/N! You need to take me back!” Displeased with how the imbecile failed to grasp that Alex should not reach out to his girl anymore. Letting his rage get the best of him, he walked over and pushed Alex off hard enough he landed on his bum, “When a woman says she doesn’t want to see or talk to you, then you better comply with her request.” Gulping down, he recognized the strength as the same one who grabbed onto his shoulder — and now as he was sober Alex decided to respect her wishes and hastily stood up to leave the apartment building. “Are you alright?” Seeing how Clark stood up for her, it made her reminisce about how she was reduced two weeks ago by Superman, “I’m fine, Clark,” She nodded as she grounded herself back to reality and stared into his concerned, blue eyes, “Thank you, by the way.” As he smiled at her she offered him for some snacks in her flat, which he gracefully accepted. “You know, you’re the second person who helped me get rid of Alex,” She mentioned as she handed him a snack; feigning innocence he tilted his head up as he inquired, “Oh? Who’s the other one?” Taking a small bite of the snack, she wiped her mouth free from the crumbs before  replying, “You probably won’t believe it, but it was Superman,” She laughed along with her new neighbor who didn’t find it unbelievable and instead played along as he spoke, “Who’s to say I’m not your personal superhero, beautiful?”

[you-call-it-a-dude]

I just got my wisdom teeth out today. So please enjoy this old Bechloe fic from my fanfiction.net account about Beca getting her wisdom teeth out! Not all my stories from ff.net have been moved to ao3 so if you’re interested feel free to check them out here

Words of Wisdom

"Beca, I know you're nervous, but please stop bouncing your leg. You're shaking the whole car." Chloe said, reaching across the center console to put her hand on Beca's knee to steady it.

"I'm not nervous." Beca replied, gripping Chloe's hand tightly. "I just- aren't I too old to be getting my wisdom teeth out? That shit happens when you're like twenty."

———

"That's true. You are. But because you don't know how to stop eating Reese Cups, you keep getting cavities in your wisdom teeth and I'm sure our insurance is very annoyed with how many fillings you've gotten the past two years. So now it's going to be all taken care of!" She gave Beca's knee a reassuring squeeze before returning it to the wheel to turn into the parking lot of the dentist's office. She pulled into a spot relatively close to the entrance and killed the ignition. She grabbed a book from the backseat and tucked it into her purse before getting out of the car. She was about to lock the door before she realized Beca hadn't got out of the car. She made her way to the passenger side and saw her wife in the seat with her arms crossed. She threw open the door and placed her hands on her hips. "I'm going to count to three, Rebecca. We already have two children, I don't need you acting like a third one."

"I'm not Frankie. That doesn't work on me." The redhead cocked her eyebrow at Beca, accepting the challenge.

"One…" Beca kept her gaze forward, refusing to look at her wife. "Two…" She snuck a glance at Chloe and saw her sporting her 'mom face'. She was getting a little bit nervous. "Two and a half…Don't make me get to three." The brunette refused to back down. Chloe just sighed loudly. "Three." Before Beca knew it, two strong hands were grabbing her by her biceps and literally dragging her out of the car. Chloe slammed the door and locked it before Beca could try and get back in. "Seriously, Beca. I don't have time for this. Please just cooperate." Beca let out and exaggerated sigh and grumbled.

"Fine." Chloe beamed a big smile and linked her arm with Beca's, leading her into the dentist's office.

Once they checked in, Chloe filled out Beca's forms because the brunette had absolutely no idea how to answer those questions. Just as Chloe handed the clipboard to the woman at the front desk, the dental hygienist called out Beca's name. Chloe kissed her wife's cheek. Beca stood up and looked down at Chloe.

"You're not coming?" She asked with a pout on her face.

"She can be with you until you fall asleep." The hygienist interjected politely. Chloe smiled and stood up. She put her hand on Beca's lower back and gave her a little push in the direction on the room.

The hygienist led them to the room Beca's surgery would be performed in. She instructed both girls to take a seat and Chloe shot Beca a stern look when the brunette attempted to sit in the chair that was meant for her. She pointed to the dental chair and Beca sighed in defeat as she slid in the chair. Chloe reached over and grabbed Beca's hand, squeezing it for reassurance. The oral surgeon walked in a few minutes later. He was a gentleman who looked to be in his early fifties. He shook both of their hands, introduced himself as Doctor Camden, and pulled up his stool.

"Alright, Mrs. Mitchell. I'm going to be taking out all four of your wisdom teeth. Luckily they aren't impacted, so it should be a relatively easy procedure. We can even keep you awake for it if you'd like."

"I wouldn't." Beca said curtly, making Doctor Camden laugh.

"Okay then. I'll give you local anesthesia and twilight sedation as opposed to general anesthesia. Does that sound okay?" Beca was too nervous to ask questions so she just nodded in agreement.

"I'm sorry, what does all that mean?" Chloe asked respectfully.

"Local anesthesia will numb up her gums. I'll apply a numbing gel to the area first, and then I'll inject it into her gums, just like when getting a cavity filled. Twilight sedation is a very light form of general anesthesia. We will give it to her through an IV and she'll fall asleep. She won't feel any pain and she wont remember the procedure. She'll still be out of it when she wakes up, but we won't have to monitor her breathing like we would if she was under general because she wouldn't be completely out. I hope that answers your question."

"It does. Thank you."

"How about we get started then." Doctor Camden washed his hands thoroughly before putting on a pair of latex gloves. "I do apologize Mrs. Mitchell, but I'm going to have to ask you to step out now."

"Of course." Chloe stood up and pressed a kiss to Beca's head. "I'll be waiting for you. You're okay, baby. I love you." Beca frowned and watched her wife leave the room.

"Shall we begin?" Beca nodded and sat back, letting the hygienist clip that crappy paper bib around her neck. The surgeon began to lower the chair and Beca gripped the arms tightly.

Beca's had her fair share of cavities. Too many cavities are why she's in this predicament. But, Beca can't handle pain. You would think someone in and out of the emergency room as much has her would be used to it by now, but that's not the case. She secretly likes to blame it on her girls, mostly Chloe. Saying they've made her soft and Chloe babying her when she's hurt makes her mind think it's okay to be a wimp blah blah. In reality, the brunette has always been this way, but now she has someone to blame it on.

Once her mouth was numbed up and it was kicking in, Doctor Camden felt around the top of Beca's left hand, looking for a vein. He kept his thumb over the vein he would insert the needle in and cleaned the area. Beca gritted her teeth and cringed as the needle went in and sighed in relief when she actually felt no pain. He taped the needle in to keep it in place.

"Okay, Beca. IV is in and you should start feeling sleepy, okay?" Beca nodded. She could feel her eyes getting heavy.

"My hand hurts." She mumbled.

"Hold on, I'll fix that." He readjusted the tape and upped to dosage a bit, knowing it would be difficult for her to fall asleep if her hand was bothering her. "Better?"

"Ye-" Beca mumbled out the rest of her sentence. Doctor Camden had no idea what was said, but he caught the beginning of the word 'yes' before Beca knocked out.

/

Chloe sat anxiously in the waiting room. She brought a book from home to read, but she kept getting distracted by texts from Aubrey. The blonde was sending Chloe updates on Frankie and Callie, but was also expressing the excitement of seeing Beca coming of her anesthesia. Aubrey and Beca have buried the hatchet years ago, but they have a very playful and teasing relationship that Stacie and Chloe find amusing. Aubrey just sent Chloe a picture of Frankie and Callie on the couch, watching The Little Mermaid. The eight month old was sitting comfortably between Frankie's legs and Frankie had her arms wrapped securely around Callie. She pouted at the cuteness and quickly made that photo her new lock screen. Just as she put her phone back into her purse and was ready to pull her book out (thinking she still had a ways to go because it has only been forty-five minutes), Doctor Camden came out of the room.

"Mrs. Mitchell?" Chloe looked up and smiled at him.

"Finished already?" She grabbed her and Beca's coat and stood up.

"Oh yes. All four of her wisdom teeth grew in perfectly straight so it was fairly easy." He spoke and he led Chloe to the room Beca was in. "She's just waking up now so she might be a little groggy and goofy. I want her to stay here for thirty minutes, just till the sedation wears off a little. Then you can be on your way." He opened the door for Chloe and she thanked him as she entered the room. He shut the door to the room once Chloe entered.

She could see the back of Beca's head. The brunette was rocking her head side to side and making a noise similar to a whine. She sat on the chair next to the dental chair and draped the coats on her lap. When she finally got to look at Beca's face, she couldn't help but smirk a bit. Beca had her eyes closed, still rocking her head side to side as if she were dancing to her own whines. Her cheeks were huge and she could see the gauze stuffed in her cheeks. Chloe took this opportunity to take a quick photo before she placed her hands on Beca's knee to get her attention. The brunette cracked one eye open and looked at Chloe.

"Hi, chipmunk." Chloe said as she bit back a laugh. Beca opened her other eye and smiled at Chloe for a moment before her face dropped in confusion. She reached up and touched her cheek, furrowing her eyebrows. She trailed her fingers across her cheek to her mouth, touching the gauze. "Leave it in there, baby." She looked up at Chloe as she gripped the gauze between her thumb and index finger, ready to pull it out. "Beca, I'm serious." She grabbed Beca's hand and pulled it from her mouth.

"I need to take it out!" She attempted to shout, but it came out tired and muffled. She pouted and lifted her hand up to touch Chloe's face. "You're so pretty, babe. Are you a parking ticket? Because fine." Chloe threw her head back and laughed at Beca's failed attempt at a pick up line. "I wanna get up." The brunette started to turn in her spot, ready to roll off the chair. Chloe put her hands out and grabbed Beca's hips to keep her there.

"You need to stay in the chair, Beca." Beca turned back onto her back and smirked.

"I'll stay if you give me a kiss."

"I can't kiss you right now. Please just stay in your seat for me? I'll love you forever."

"Oh god! That's even better! I'll stay in my seat." Chloe grabbed Beca's hand and kissed lightly over her Band-Aid.

"Good girl. Thank you." Beca smiled and looked lovingly at Chloe.

"I love you, red panda."

"I love you, too." She placed a soft kiss to Beca's temple.

"Chlo, I really love you." She looked up at Chloe with watery eyes.

"Beca, baby. Please don't cry. I love you too."

"Yeah, but I just love you, Chloe." Chloe pushed hair from Beca's face.

"I know, sweetheart. I know." Just as Beca was about to respond, there was a knock on the door. "Come in!" Doctor Camden entered the room holding some paperwork and a packet with an oral syringe.

He stood at the desk with the computer and began highlighting things on the paper. Beca began humming and singing loudly to herself so Chloe stood up and made her way to the surgeon so she could hear him explaining things. He started to explain to Chloe how to clean her gums, things Beca can and can't eat for the time being and everything that Chloe needs to know to take care of Beca.

"Babe!" Chloe turned her head when Beca called out for her. She saw the brunette holding one of her bloody gauze in her left hand.

"Beca, I told you not to touch those." By now Doctor Camden saw Beca had taken the gauze from her mouth excused himself to get more.

"Catch!"

"Beca don't you dare!" Beca attempted to throw the gauze, but instead of letting it go mid-air, she let her arm go through the motions of throwing and let the gauze go when her hand was inches from the floor. "Rebecca, quit it." Chloe said through gritted teeth. Doctor Camden returned moments later and quickly inserted the gauze into her mouth.

/

Chloe finally got Beca home. After the whole gauze fiasco and Beca dubbing herself as 'speed racer' when one of the hygienists wheeled her out to the car. Getting Beca out of the car was a lot easier than getting her in the car. Beca was eager to get inside and take a nap. She spent the whole car ride telling Chloe how she was going to 'nap so hard she was going to wake up needing another nap'. When she led Beca into the house through the garage, Frankie immediately ran up to Beca and hugged her legs. Beca looked down at her daughter and smiled.

"Hi mama! Why your face like that?" Beca looked up and Chloe with a worried expression on her face.

"What's wrong with my face?"

"Ah, I thought I heard you, Beca." Aubrey came into the room with Callie in her arms. Beca gave a lazy solute.

"General." She leaned down a bit to get eye level with Callie. "Hi, chunky monkey." Callie furrowed her eyebrows and gave Beca a dirty look. "Hmm. Tough crowd."

"She's probably wondering why your cheeks look like hers." Aubrey said, adjusting Callie when she started getting fussy.

"Where's Stace?" Beca asked, looking around the kitchen.

"In here Becs!" She heard Stacie shout from the family room. Beca pointed in that direction and unsteadily walked into the family room. Stacie was sitting on the couch with her legs propped up on one of Frankie's toys. The taller brunette was now seven months pregnant and she just looked over it. Beca plopped down next to her best friend and smiled wide, making bloody drool slip from the corners of her mouth.

"Ew, Mama B. That's gross." Stacie grabbed a baby wipe from the package resting next to her on the arm of the couch and she wiped the drool away gently.

"You're so nice to me, Stacie. I love you." Beca said tearfully. She laid her head on Stacie's shoulder and sniffled. Stacie patted Beca's head softly.

"Okay, Becs. I love you, too."

"Can I take a nap on your boobs?" Stacie shrugged her shoulder nonchalantly, scrolling through her phone. Beca shifted so she was lying comfortably on Stacie's chest. Stacie continued to absentmindedly play with her best friend's hair while she looked through Facebook. When she noticed the smaller brunette starting to drool she carefully placed a baby wipe on her shirt, under Beca's mouth.

/

Beca had been sleeping on Stacie's chest for around thirty minutes. She was snoring loudly in Stacie's ear, but she didn't really care. She had been really hormonal lately and found comfort in cuddling with her best friend. Frankie came running into the family room around this time, Callie crawling behind her as fast as her little hands and legs can take her. Frankie stood between Stacie's legs and patted on her knees.

"Aunt Cee, mommy says lunch time!" The toddler said excitedly. Stacie pushed some stray hairs out of her niece's face.

"Is it? Did she tell you what we are having? Cause your little cousin is making me really picky." Frankie nodded and put her hand on Stacie's baby bump.

"Uh huh! Mommy said," Frankie paused and scrunched up her face, trying to remember what her mom told her. ", she said floppy hoes." Stacie laughed loudly, jostling Beca and making her jolt awake. She wiped the drool off her face and stared tiredly at Stacie.

"What's so funny that you laughed loud enough to shake the earth?" Beca asked, slightly annoyed.

"Frankie, tell mama what mommy made for lunch."

"Floppy hoes!" She said confidently, throwing her hands in the air. Callie finally made it to the couch and giggled at her silly older sister.

"I don't think that's right, kiddo." Beca said groggily, wincing at the pain she felt in her mouth.

"Thank you for relaying that message, Franny. Your mama and I will be there in a minute."

"Okay!" She jumped and ran out of the room and back to the kitchen, leaving Callie on the floor with a pout on her face. The baby sighed dramatically and began crawling towards the kitchen, smacking her hands on the hardwood loudly as she did so. Beca guessed that was her version of stomping away angrily.

"Let's go, chipmunk. I have floppy hoes to eat." Stacie said, laughing lightly as she shoved Beca off the couch. "I need your help getting off the couch though." Beca stood up and held both her hands out for Stacie. The taller brunette gripped them and Beca yanked her up, expertly avoiding getting impaled by her pregnant belly.

Beca groggily followed Stacie into the kitchen. Aubrey stood up to make sure Stacie got into her seat okay. Chloe stood up and grabbed Beca's hand, leading her to the kitchen sink. She pulled out the packet the papers the doctor gave her as well as the oral syringe. She read the packet to herself and grabbed the box of salt from the cabinet and filled a bowl with warm water. She added the salt to the water and filled the syringe with the salt water. She carefully pulled out the gauze and flushed her gums. Once her mouth was clean, she gave her some ibuprofen. Beca took her seat next to Frankie and the redhead set a bowl of applesauce in front of her. Beca groaned in displeasure and looked up at Callie who seemed jealous that Beca got applesauce and she was eating pureed carrots and buttered noodles.

"I'll trade you, Callie Cat. Actually, you can keep the carrots." Callie smiled at Beca and the spoonful of carrots that Chloe just fed her came spilling out of her cheeks.

All the girls sat around the table and enjoyed their lunch of sloppy Joes. Chloe talked about how Beca acted after her surgery and the brunette rolled her eyes and refused to believe it. Stacie told Aubrey and Chloe about Frankie calling their lunch 'floppy hoes' and when the toddler saw it made everyone laugh, she began to repeat it. That earned her a scolding from Chloe and a 'mom look' from Beca because was too damn tired and in too much pain to discipline.

After lunch was finished, Aubrey decided it was time for them to head home. She knew both Stacie and Beca were exhausted at this point and wanted them both to get some rest. Once they all said their goodbyes, Chloe flushed out Beca's gums again and replaced the gauze in her mouth.

"Becs, would you be opposed to napping down here? I want to be able to take care of you, but the girls won't be happy being confined upstairs. I'll try really hard to keep them quiet."

"Babe, I'm so tired I could sleep comfortably on a rock." Beca tiredly shuffled over to the couch, ready to lie down.

"Wait!" Chloe put her hand on Beca's shoulders to stop her. "Sleep on the recliner. Just for now. I was reading that it's good to keep your head upright." Beca just nodded and made her way to the recliner, pressing the button to raise the footrest, but keeping the top half of her body upright. Chloe grabbed a blanket from the linen cabinet and covered Beca up. Beca mumbled a half-assed 'goodnight' and fell asleep.

Chloe was able to keep the girls quiet for about forty-five minutes. They could only stay interested in Frozen for so long, especially when they had a sleeping and hurting mom to bug. Frankie, being the instigator she is, decided that she needed to be sitting on Beca's lap in order to enjoy the movie quietly. Frankie climbed on to the recliner and sat herself on Beca's lap. Because Callie was basically Frankie's shadow at this point, she crawled her way over to Beca's chair, started smacking on the arm of it and began whining. Chloe sprung up from her spot on the couch and picked up Callie. The tiny redhead immediately began squirming and started to cry.

"Shh, Callie. Mama is sleeping. Come sit on my lap." Chloe sat back down and nestled Callie on her lap. The baby didn't like it at all and she reached her arms out towards her sleeping mama. "Alright. Jesus." Chloe stood up and tiptoed to Beca. She carefully pulled back the blanket a bit and placed Callie under it, tucking part of it between the sides of the chair to create a pouch. Beca cracked an eye open at the movement and instinctively wrapped her arms around both her girls.

"I've got them." Beca mumbled sleepily. She absentmindedly began to rub both Frankie and Callie's arms softly with her fingertips, making both of them drowsy. "If they're falling asleep, turn that fuckin movie off." She added after fifteen minutes. Chloe grabbed the Xbox remote and exited out of the DVD playing. She opened Netflix and browsed through it, settling on watching Parks and Rec. She turned down the volume and snuggled back into the couch. "Will you turn the light off, too?" Beca said not even a minute after Chloe got comfortable. The redhead sighed and stood up, making her way over to the light switch and shutting it off.

"Anything else before I sit back down, babe?"

"I need a kiss." Beca said with her eyes still closed, but Chloe could see her smiling around her gauze. She bit her lip and made her way over to Beca, pressing light kisses all over her face, making her sigh contently. She also placed a kiss on both Callie and Frankie's forehead. Both girls were now sleeping comfortably on Beca's lap. The redhead made her way back to the couch and sprawled out, enjoying not having to share the space. "Hey, Chlo?" Beca asked a few minutes later, startling Chloe.

"Yeah, baby?"

"I love you so much, dude." She said, with a slight whine in her voice. Chloe chuckled and looked over at Beca, who somehow managed to fully knock out in the span of about two seconds.

"I love you, too, Bec."

[superblizzarddrift]

Teething Problems

This one kinda wrote itself so thanks for the awesome prompt choice @hermanncodednewtboy​! (AO3 version here)

Hermann had been in the waiting room for nearly an hour when Newt finally shuffled in, one hand clutching an icepack to his jaw and the other holding the nurse’s arm.

‘Oh, good.’ He hurried over, struggling to hide his worry. ‘Newton, how are you feeling?’

Newt stared back at him with a look of betrayal. ‘They took my teeth, dude,’ he slurred.

‘Not all of them,’ the nurse said kindly, ‘just the ones that were causing you trouble.’

Newt had been complaining about his wisdom teeth for as long as Hermann had known him. “I’ll get it fixed when the apocalypse is over,” he’d insist whenever Hermann nagged him about it. Ten years later, the apocalypse was over and Newt was out of excuses.

‘Can we go home now?’ Newt let go of the nurse’s arm and latched onto Hermann like a dejected limpet. With a sigh, Hermann settled things with the nurse and listened to her instructions. It was a little hard to concentrate with Newt being so… affectionate. Judging by her smile, she noticed his blush.

It was dark outside. Mako waved from her car. ‘Did it go well?’ she asked as they clambered into the back.

‘No, it was bad,’ Newt muttered, clutching the icepack against his cheek. ‘Didn’t feel any of the teeth come out.’

‘That is a good thing, Newton.’ Hermann leaned over to buckle him in.

‘But I don’t know if they even did it!’

Mako laughed. ‘I’ll get you home.’

“Home” was still the Shatterdome for now, although clean-up had begun and pretty soon the K-Science division would be a thing of the past. Hermann never thought he’d miss that lab – or his annoying co-worker. As they turned a corner, Newt slumped against his shoulder. Hermann put an arm around him.

‘Had really cool dreams.’ Newt mumbled. ‘Each dentist was a different Kaiju…’

In the mirror, Mako’s eyes flicked up briefly before returning to the road. A Kaiju had taken her father, just as it had taken her family before it. He knew she was still grieving, in her own quiet way. ‘How many dentists were there?’ she asked, incredulously.

‘A family,’ Newt pronounced, eyes slipping closed. Without his glasses, he looked more vulnerable somehow. Hermann could see the line across his forehead where the stitches had recently healed, the yellow stain of a bruise on his cheekbone. He resisted the urge to comb his fingers through his messy hair.

Back at the Shatterdome, Mako helped Newt to walk up to his room. He wobbled along amiably enough, but when he started bumping into things Hermann quickly returned his glasses.

Outside his door, Newt fumbled through his pockets. ‘I… I can’t find my key. Maybe I left it inside…’

Hermann’s heart sank. Newt had changed his mind about going five times, until he’d had to almost drag him out the door. The key was probably inside his room.

Mako bit her lip. ‘You could borrow my room for the night? I’ve been sharing with Raleigh anyway.’ She blushed a little.

Hermann shook his head it. ‘Mako, you have done more than enough tonight. I’ll… I’ll take him to my quarters. It’s probably better if someone keeps an eye on him, anyway.’

Mako hesitated. 'Are you sure? I really don't mind...'

Newt looked to Hermann hopefully. 'Sleepover? Please?'

Oh, it was going to be a long night.

Mako followed them to Hermann's room then bid them goodnight.

'Take care, rock star,' she said fondly, with a wink at Newt.

'Mmm,' said Newt vaguely, eyes drifting closed.

Hermann ambled into his apartment, scanning for any litter or discarded underwear before remembering that he never left anything in his room out of place.

Newt sat down on Hermann's bed, groaned and promptly spat a mouthful of bloody gauze into his lap.

'Oh, for heaven's sake, Newton.' Hermann grabbed a handkerchief and cleaned up the mess.

'Hurts,' Newt said miserably, but held still as Hermann gently mopped the red saliva off his fingers and chin. 'Are you sure they took my teeth out?'

'I assure you that they took all four of your wisdom teeth, yes.'

'Where did they put them?' He stared at him tiredly, icepack pressed against his cheek again. 'They're my teeth. So I own them.'

'You can't keep them. If it's any consolation, you have plenty more.'

'But I had them for so long,' he whined, flopping down on Hermann's pillow. 'I saved the world with those teeth!'

With a sigh, Hermann patted his ankle. Sometimes he thought he could feel Newt’s emotions, like some residual effect of their Drift. Some mornings he woke up with a song in his head he'd never heard before. Like it or not, they were connected now.

Newt sighed softly as Hermann's hand found his shoulder. Hermann wasn't sure how it got there, but he couldn't bring himself to remove it. 'Get some rest,' he said finally. Newt did indeed seem to be dozing off, mumbling nonsense as Hermann relieved him of his glasses and shoes.

It would be hard to say goodbye to him, Hermann realised. At some point, their volatile relationship had morphed into something harder to define. He’d told himself it was merely co-dependency from working together for so long, but that didn’t account for their Drift. He’d been inside Newt’s head, and he knew that there was something there too.

Newt appeared to be asleep by the time Hermann draped the blanket over him, but then he stirred. 'I think I'm in love with you,' he said dreamily.

Hermann froze. 'It's only a blanket Newton, no need to be so dramatic.'

'You think I'm joking.' He looked so adorably sad, only his head visible above the blanket. 'You always think I'm joking when I say nice things. But I do love you.'

Hermann looked back at him, and for a moment they were standing together in the pouring rain, minds reeling from the Drift. ‘I – that’s very nice of you. Please try to get some sleep.’ He couldn’t tell him. Not now, when Newt probably wouldn’t remember it, and not when they’d most likely be on opposite sides of the world in a week or two. It was easier to remain detached. That was how he’d been able to do his work in the first place. No ties.

‘Where are you going?’ Newt asked in alarm as Hermann turned away. ‘Don’t go! I’m sorry!’

‘I’m not going anywhere,’ he said. ‘I’m going to sleep on the sofa.’ He barely used the battered old couch by the window, but it would suffice for tonight.

‘There’s enough room for two, you know.’ Newt patted the space beside him. ‘Your leg hurts, doesn’t it? I can feel it too.’

Indeed, Hermann’s leg had been throbbing for most of the walk back. He gaped at him. ‘You can?’

‘You’re so cute when you’re all uptight. Come on. Please?’

If they’d been in this situation a month ago, Hermann would have probably marched out and slept in Mako’s room. Perhaps a little bit of Newt had rubbed off on him in the Drift, because he found himself shrugging off his jacket, kicking off his shoes and climbing into bed beside him. He switched off the light. Now, only a faint glow came from under the door.

Newt curled up under the blanket, squishing his face into the pillow. ‘This is nice,’ he sighed.

Hermann dared to shuffle a little closer, not quite touching him but close enough to feel Newt’s warmth. ‘Yes, it is.’

There was an itch under his skin, a yearning. He didn’t want to say goodbye, not after all they’d been through. Would he still feel the effects of their Drift when they were far apart? What if Newt got into trouble somehow, would he feel his pain? His loneliness?

‘Newton,’ he said quietly, ‘I – I don’t want you to leave.’

Newt yawned. ‘I’m not leaving, I’m staying here.’

‘I don’t mean this room. I mean you. I don’t want to go back to sending letters.’

There was a silence so long that Hermann was sure Newt had gone to sleep. But then Newt shuffled over until his forehead rested on his shoulder. ‘I don’t want you to leave either.’

Relief flooded through him, so strong that he was sure Newt would feel it. ‘It’s settled, then,’ Hermann said calmly, though his heart was singing. ‘Wherever we go next, we shall go together.’

The bed rustled as Newt fidgeted, then there was a puff of air on his cheek as Newt sighed. ‘I can’t kiss you ‘cause my mouth hurts.’

‘You can’t kiss me because you are full of drugs, you silly man.’ But when Newt rested his head on his chest, he didn’t complain. The icepack dripped cold water onto Hermann’s shirt. ‘So, Doctor Geiszler.’ Fondly, he ran his fingers through Newt’s hair. ‘Was this experience better or worse than drifting with a Kaiju brain?'

‘Better, ‘cause I get cuddles. S’not as cool, though.’

Hermann smiled into the darkness. ‘Tell me about these Kaiju dreams you had?’

‘Well, one of them was Otachi, which was funny because she has wings so she couldn’t hold any of the tools…’ As Newt spoke, a warm contentedness seeped through the both of them. Hermann had no idea what was going to happen next, but all that mattered was they did it together.

He didn’t need the Drift to know that he loved Newt too.

[ff15trashgoldenslumbers]

Felix Natalis

...so a little self indulgence because today is my birthday and I allow myself to be selfish on my birthday…

~~~~~

You weren’t upset…

Okay maybe you were…

No, you were beyond upset, you were livid! Pissed! Some would even say down right nettled!

Today was your birthday, the day that you blessed this world with your arrival and the only people who even seemed to care were the subscription services you had set up and your dentist office.

No text messages, no phone calls, not even a social media post!

You kind of expected it, there were so many things overshadowing your big day. Now you couldn’t exactly blame some of the others, there were a lot of new released hitting so many networks today, not to mention that there was a huge ball this weekend, but your four boyfriends! How dare! Not even a letter!

You kind of couldn’t blame Noctis, the poor prince had been known to go out wearing mismatching shoes, quite frequently, unless Ignis noticed before they left the house. Gladiolus was checking everything over for the huge ball. While Ignis you expected to have a reminder, or something, but he more than likely had his hands full making sure that Noctis and Prompto weren’t going to cause a major scandal. Speaking of Prompto, he should have recalled, he was always the first to remember, and find the most obnoxious balloon possible to bring in the apartment.

But nothing! Absolutely nothing!

You huffed as you laid on the couch, it was your birthday, so you were going to pout all you wanted! Maybe...maybe you’d get yourself a cake and hog it all to yourself. A grown woman could eat an entire cake by herself, and not even Bahamut could stop you!

You went to get ready to go get your pity cake, but as you pulled your phone off the charger you noticed that you had missed a message. From Ignis! You quickly opened the message, only to be find your anger somehow doubled.

Please bring Noctis a tie, he seemed to have left it at home on the bed. I’ll send a car to grab you.

You’d bring Noctis his tie all right! But you couldn’t be held responsible for anything that might happen to it on the way! You marched into the bedroom, finding the stupid tie laying directly on the bed where the Prince had left it. Snatching the tie up you, marched downstairs, the tie clenched tightly in you fist, not caring if it wrinkled! Serves them all right!

The entire car ride to the Citadel you pouted, tempted to just chuck the tie out the window, and tell the driver to take you to the nearest bakery! You were going to down an entire wedding cake at this point!

Leaving the car, you begin the familiar walk up the stairs, on your way to Ignis’s office only to be immediately intercepted by the familiar ladies’ in waiting who assisted you when there are formal events.

“Excuse me, Ms. Y/N, there’s an important visitor today. We were just made aware, please…” One replied, ushering you to the changing room.

“Wait, no I’m only here to drop this off.” You tried to counter holding up the reason you even set foot in the palace today. Only to find the tie that you were just moments ago thinking of lighting on fire was taken from your hand.

“We shall take care of that.”

“Please, we must hurry.”

Every argument or retort that you tried to come up with was immediately countered, as you were whisked away to get dolled up for this mysterious guest, who decided they were suddenly taking over your day.  You honestly wondered if these ladies should possibly take over for the King’s Guard with how efficient. 

You found it strange that you weren’t high strung dolled up, there were not bobby pins, or gallons of hairspray. The dress was huge, but not the normal red carpet, where you’re to stand there and look pretty type of dress that you typically wore for these things. If anything, you were the most comfortable you have ever been all dolled up.

“Hurry.” One of the ladies called taking your hand, seeing that you were much more relaxed with them, as they have seen you close to naked on a frequent basis. 

Still you were so confused when you were lead to a ballroom, wouldn’t it have made more sense to have be received in a throne room? You went to ask, only to find all the ladies had disappeared rather quickly. You turned back to the large door, straining to hear something on the other side, but was only met with silence. 

The door cracked open just a the tiniest bit, then enough for you to walk through, but all you were met with was darkness. You knew from memory that you were standing at the top of a staircase high above a beautiful ballroom, but you were surprised that it could get this dark in the middle of the afternoon.

“What the…” You muttered.

Only for all the lights to flash on, streams, glitter and pop cannons went off before you, as you flinched, immediately moving to a defensive position, summoning a flash of fire before you heard the cry of:

“SURPRISE!”

Once the shock wore off you found almost everyone you knew standing around dressed rather fancy but still quite relaxed. A large tiered cake sitting in the middle of a huge buffet with quite a few of your favorite foods! The entire room was decorated for a large party for you.

You stepped forward, having broken your defensive stance whisking the fire away, “Oh my…” You saw Prompto, in a three piece suit towards the bottom of the stairs rapid firing clicking away, he more than likely got a pretty nice picture of you ready to set this place on fire, next to him were Gladiolus and Ignis dressed similarly, but where was Noctis?

You found a hand before you, only to turn and find Noctis, standing there hand offered a blush on his face.

“Happy Birthday, Y/N.” He managed to squeak out as you took his hand allowing him to lead you down the stairs.

Once you got to your other boyfriends, you couldn’t help the smile, you should have known they wouldn’t have forgotten your birthday. It wasn’t in their nature! But still they had you going.

“Happy Birthday, Y/N.” Ignis smiled, as he placed a small tiara in your hair, an on going tradition at this point for you.

“We make you worry birthday lady?” Gladiolus chuckled, handing you a bouquet of flowers.

You gave a playful pout, only to notice the large Chocobo balloons behind the cake, Prompto’s work for sure as you laughed giving a nod.

“We wanted to throw you a huge surprise party.” Prompto replied, finally lowering the camera.

You giggled, “Well I’m surprised! Thank you.”

The next few hours were filled with quite a lot of laughs, and music and cake. You tried to convince Ignis that you could eat at least two tiers by yourself, but he had stated that he didn’t want to be the one in charge of dealing with the aftermath.

By the time that you were all crowded in the car to return home for the night, you found yourself and Prompto covered in glitter. No one was sure of where it came from as Ignis was adamant about there not being any. Noctis somehow managed to get icing under his vest on his dress shirt, Gladiolus suit jacket was missing and Ignis looked perfect as always. You were in the middle of the backseat engulfing poor Prompto and Noctis as they were small enough to allow everyone to sit comfortably enough.

“I’m surprised that you guys managed to keep it a secret. Did you have stuff delivered directly to the palace?” You inquired on the way home for the evening.

“Yes, most were delivered this morning.” Ignis stated, before cutting a playful glare to Prompto in the rearview mirror. “We also made certain that no one else made mention of it.”

“Iggy took my phone.” Prompto pouted playfully, “I wanted to show you all the balloons I had to pick from.”

“Oh, Iggy…” You called, “Where’s the tie I brought.”

“In all honesty I was surprised when I saw, I figured that you would have lit it on fire or thrown it out the car window.” 

“I thought about it…” You muttered playfully, getting a laugh.

“You almost lit everyone on fire.” Noctis stated, as you an embarrassed gasped. 

“You saw that?”

“Got pictures.” Prompto added, showing you the picture of you crouched ready to fight, Noctis standing slightly behind you looking absolutely terrified.  “Good thing Iggy, thought to have everyone below you.”

“How embarrassing would that have been. Crazy lady sets the ballroom on fire on her birthday.”  You laughed.

“Well crazy lady,” Gladiolus called turning around to you, “You’ve got one minute left for your birthday, did you have a good one?”

You didn’t even have to think about it.

“The best!”

[meet-me-in-the-kitchen]

Hi!!! I've just gotten my wisdom teeth removed and I'm emotional wrecked. Who knew I would miss those little shits? Anyway, could you maybe write something short about Y/n having her wisdom teeth removed and being super sad and in pain and Harry is just there to help her feel better? I love your writing and honestly read all of your work twice at the least. ILY

ANESTHESIA AND LETTING GO

(She would stare at him like he was god’s single greatest gift to humanity.)

“You’re gonna take care of me?” she garbled, gaping so he could see the gauze squished into her mouth and a little bit of blood trickling out of the recent incisions. He tried both not laughing or wincing, but couldn’t help an endeared little smirk tugging at the corner of his lips at her genuinely awed expression, as if she couldn’t believe he was actually there. Thsy’d had to remind her a few times that he was her boyfriend, which worried him a bit at first—he reckoned he’d watched The Vow a few too many times.

“Yes, lovie,” he’d rasped, a warm chuckle rumbling in his chest as he brushed away a lock of hair that was dangling dangerously close to her open mouth. This seemed to cheer her up, because she made a contented little cooing noise, the kind you would expect to come from a woodland creature or a baby, before nuzzling her cheek against his knuckles, gazing up at him shyly while blushing a bit. The older dentist in the room had sighed wistfully while passing by for her post-operative check-up, while her younger assistant sniffed jealously. Loopy from drugs or not, y/n took one look at the woman’s lustful gaze on harry’s bottom and glared at her fiercely, mouth full of gauze. He’d said he was her boyfriend, hadn’t he? That made her his girlfriend and thus perfectly eligible to grab his...

“Oh!” Harry yelped in surprise when y/n’s hands reached behind him and greedily squeezed a handful of his bubbly bottom, a gesture usually performed the other way round, not that he was protesting.

“She’s a bit loopy,” Harry explained sheepishly, a little pink in the cheeks, to the dental assistant, who was now huffing and sneering down at her clipboard. y/n simply batted her eyelashes, mouth still wide open, while Harry gently placed her hands down and she sneakily let them travel down his back and then deliver a firm smack to his backside.

“I can see that,” the assistant muttered darkly. She stuck her nose up in the air, and marched out of the room.

Satisfied that her nemesis was out of the picture, y/n settled back into the chair politely and thought back to what Harry had said before about how he was gonna take care of her and how the smooth planes of his perfectly sculpted face had felt against her cheek; thoughts that once again send blood rushing to her cheeks, and send her into a fit of cute giggles, staring up at the ceiling but not particularly anything as she does so with fingers pressed slightly to her puffy lips.

“Proper spanked me in front of the dental assistant only moments ago, love, and now you’re goin’ all blushy on me,” Harry teased lowly, his own dimple poking out as this sent his girlfriend into even louder giggles, ones that she covered with her hands.

After leaving the dentist’s office, however, things had quickly taken a turn for the worse once the drugs slowly exited y/n’s system. dental pain is quite arguably one of the most excruciating pains to exist on the face of this planet. especially if you’re the one going through it. and besides the physical pain...y/n seemed to be having some attachment issues to her teeth, as well.

“...Harry?” y/n whimpered, curling further into her boyfriend’s chest and looking dolefully up at him with wide, tear-filled eyes. His forest green eyes flitted to hers in surprise of her sudden wakefulness. She’d been silent most of the car ride back, after ten minutes of initial happiness and humming his songs loudly under her breath. Once they were back home, she’d clung to his side, and he had to carry her up the steps to their flat, bridal style, because she was kind of flopping all over the place, but he didn’t mind an excuse to hold her so close to him. He helped her into a jersey that smelled just like him to comfort her while she was still neurotically out of it, her cheek squished to his chest while he put Tiger King on Netflix, but admittedly paid more attention to he, looking down every now and then to see a deep-set frown on her fresh face.

“What is it, baby?” he asked. She decided he loved his voice as he talked to her like this, because it was low and pleasant and he took his time saying each word, so it rolled off his tongue like syrup with authenticity and an accent that knew no exact heritage, but Harry. His green eyes were attentive, fingers stroking down her back. “do you need anything?”

“I hurt,” she sniffled, lips trembling. He pouted in response, turning over so he could hold her properly, hips melding together.

“‘M sorry. Do you want more medicine?”

“No,” she said indignantly, like it was obviously not what she would want.

“You sure?” he asked slowly, eyebrows raising. “I thought it hurt?”

“Not that,” she shook her head, eyes shifting to her nervously twisting fingers heartbreakingly. her lips trembled a bit, and Harry grew alarmed. He was him, so he’d naturally spent hours on WebMd, reading up on the side-effects of even such a common procedure as wisdom teeth removal. Had the dentist damaged the crowns of any other teeth? had she hurt y/n’s gums? what if—

“What’s wrong then, hm?”

“I— I just...” she burst into tears, sobs breaking as she choked out an explanation. In a hushed voice, she confessed: “I miss my wisdom teeth!”

He blinked once. Twice.

“You...” he paused. “Miss your teeth?”

y/n nodded, big eyes filling with tears again at the mention of her long departed acquaintances.

“Like...they were always there for me, you know?” she garbled, tears slipping down her face as Harry frantically tries to swipe them off her cheeks with his own thumbs, while also confirming that his girlfriend has, indeed, finally lost it.

“I mean,” Y/N took a deep breath before diving into a heartfelt monologue dedicated to her teeth. “I could be going through the worst day ever, and i could be a total bitch and most people would probably leave, but my teeth never left me. and like, they never even wanted to leave and they were always there, but I never even tried to make them feel wanted,” she sniffled, blinking back tears dramatically while Harry rubbed the small of her back, handing her a tissue she blew her nose into. “I know that humans don’t need them to chew on raw animals anymore, but...can you imagine how that feels?” She empathized, emotion in her voice, “to constantly be there for this total bitch and then she just wakes up one day and feels a pinch in her mouth—“

“Not a pinch,” Harry muttered defensively, recalling Y/N screaming bloody murder the night before, but unsure as to why he’s defending her from...her.

“—and decides to tear them apart, evicting from the only place they’ve ever really known. I didn’t even say goodbye, and it makes my heart sad,” Y/N aid so defeatedly, it kind of breaks Harry’s heart, too.

“And you know the worst thing,” she whispered brokenly: “they never even saw it coming.”

“Okay, that’s enough,” he stated, wiping away her tears delicately, watching her face until each one was gone, a bare sniffle the only reminder she’d been crying. “I love you too much to let you do this to yourself. We’re gonna watch a rom-com, and...”

“But, I never even named them!” she gasped wetly. He ignored her as she murmured alejandro, wisdom the wisdom tooth, and other potential names for her deceased teeth; while simultaneously contemplating if she could break into the dentist’s dustbin and maybe sneak back her teeth.

But when the day comes to an end and the drugs are flushed out of Y/N’s system, Harry takes care of her. He makes sure Y/N’s getting enough water and eating well; sets a timer to wake her up from her naps and feed her the bitter medicine her scowl suggests she wouldn’t take if it weren’t for him. He would make sure to replace her gauze even if she’s a bit squirmy from all the blood in her mouth, and most definitely wouldn’t be stingy when it came to cuddling; squeezing her so tight with his strong arms, trying his best to minimize the pain as much as possible. that meant pressing light kisses to her puffy cheeks. When she’d be up from an aching mouth, he’d be the one putting his hand under her jaw, massaging lightly, to help relieve some of the ache. He make sure her food was soft and the right consistency, and hold back her hair when Y/N’d inevitably puke from the taste of her medicine, or soothingly rub his warm hand over her back when she was tremoring from the anesthesia leaving her freezing.

“Are you staying?” Y/N asked in the morning, yawning as Harry pulled her up to his chest, stroking her hair.

“Yes,” he nodded, lips pressed to the side of her forehead. “Unless you want me to go.”

Because like her wisdom teeth, Harry would never let go.

MASTERLIST

[nonobadcat]

YANDERE ALL FOR ONE X F! READER 

Story rating: Explicit

TW: Rape/Noncon. GORE (non-reader directed), All For one too many kinks to count them all. Highly mentally and sexually abusive relationship. This story is absolutely not for minors and readers should consult the warnings/tags at the top before reading.

Read the entire story at: Archive of Our Own

CHAPTER 27 EXCERPT:

The drive home was punctuated by only two more stops. The first was to a luxury hotel owned by All For One's supporters so that he could change into a new suit. The old one was being dry cleaned by the hotel and personally delivered in 48 hours to Shigaraki's office. The second stop was to grab bottled green tea from a vending machine because all the sugar he was eating left His Horniness's throat just utterly parched. You secretly wondered how many dentists were among All For One's followers. You bitterly hoped the answer was none because he definitely deserved all the cavities he got.

By the time you made it back to Tokyo, Shigaraki was in full swing ignoring the fact that you didn't find murder to be a casual event... again.

The blond scrolled through his map app. He held the phone up to you and pointed at a local greengrocery owned by his followers. "Shall we pick up the ingredients for dinner on the way home? We're having oyakodon, correct?" 

"Sure…" you murmured, glazed over eyes looking out the window. Your body hunched towards the door.

Your husband frowned. “You don’t sound very excited.”

Your bloodshot orbs lifted to meet his sour expression with placid acquiescence. Then they rolled to the side and locked onto one of the holes in the floor. As the jagged edges of the metal started to blur, you realized it was because you were trying to cry again. The tears couldn’t fall this time. You were too dehydrated.

Your husband grabbed your cheeks and stretched them into a painful approximation of a smile.

You stared at him with dead eyes.

With a disgusted snarl, he dropped your skin and grabbed your shoulders. His meaty fingers curled into your flesh tightly, sending a burning ache down your arms. “Stop that,” he commanded.

Your eyes rolled away from him, focused on nothing.

There was a violent shake of your shoulders. “I demand you stop this behavior right now.”

You let your body rattle loosely in his grip as if your bones had turned to jelly.

All For One's eye twitched. “Don’t make me pull this car over and find someone to assist you in rethinking your poor attitude. So help me, I will.”

You sighed and pulled your legs into your chest. Your knees trapped his right arm against you and you buried your face in the sleeve of his new charcoal wool sport coat. “I believe you.”

he raised an eyebrow as you calmly acknowledged his threat. It wasn’t like you to blow off the idea that he would kill someone just to get your compliance. There was no way you missed it, so what was the probl-

As your face snuggled deeper in his arm, he noticed your shoulders were shaking.

“Ah…” His grip on your body softened. His right hand curled around your head and tucked some loose hair behind your ear. “So having your life threatened like that did frighten you. I was starting to wonder.”

A stifled sob wracked your body. You lifted your head and wiped at your eyes. “Of course it did!” you whined.

He chuckled and tilted your skull towards himself. “I’m grateful to see you like this. What you said before had me worried.”

You stared into his face. His thick blond brows were furrowed but his blue eyes searched yours for something.

“You and my little brother both.” He held his head like it was aching. “When you constantly put the value of other people’s lives before your own…" He sighed and frowned at you. "Don’t you understand how it makes me feel to see that?”

Despite everything he had done, there was a throbbing in your chest. The way he traced your features with his fingertips was careful and soft. You truly felt like some sort of prize. There was something intoxicating about it. When his eyes tilted down at the edges, they looked as if they were weighted by some long-festering emotional wound. Your fingers twitched with an itch for something you'd felt long ago on that beach under the stars...

...and then Shigaraki blew it by opening his mouth.

Read the rest at: Archive of Our Own

@shigashigashig​ @kazooli​ @tomurasprincess​ - As if AFO needed more “daddy” vibes he pretty much says: “I will turn this car around!”

[moyaxhi]

high on loving you [renga]

 summary: 

“Someone is here for you, his name is Kyan Reki?” 

“My boyfriend?”  Or: langa gets his wisdom tooth pulled out and reki is tasked with picking him up from the dentist. langa introduces reki as his boyfriend, but they’re not exactly boyfriends yet.

[ao3] 

It was three months ago when Langa complains that there’s soreness on his gums. Now, Langa has always had a track record for having great teeth. He’s never gotten his teeth filled (his mom made sure that his teeth were sparkly clean, practically drilled it in him when he was young), never had to get braces (there was a time where he  really wanted them, even begged for braces, and his dentist, the traitor, had said that there was no need for them.), he’s never even had gingivitis.

 Langa has always had perfect teeth.

 It was quite alarming that his teeth were feeling sore. It happened while he and Reki were together–when are they ever not these days. Reki had been showing him some of the local sweets around. A kind older woman had flagged them over while they were skating.

 “Hi Reki!” She calls out enthusiastically. Reki came to a stop in front of a house and held his board in between his hips. Langa followed and stopped as well. The older woman was wiping her hands with her apron. She wore a soft pink ruffled apron as well as a matching bandana. There was a smell of something sweet that filled the air. It smelled familiar like fresh pancakes he would have as a child back when they were in Canada, like the ones his own grandmother would make for him.

 She was smiling brightly, this was the thing in Okinawa that he noticed, everyone was smiling. They were familiar and so close to each other.

 She turned her attention to the both of them, “Wait here boys, I have something to give to you.”

 “Oh!” Reki exclaims excited, “Thank you Grandma Iki!”

 She waves her hand in dismissal. When she came out, she was holding five bags filled with sugar-coated peanuts.

 “Just made these peanut brittles today!” She handed one to Langa and gave the rest to Reki, “Make sure you share some with your sisters and your boyfriend!”

 Langa blushed at that, he spared a look at Reki, who for the most part laughed it off.

 She was already walking away, not waiting for a reply, the two of them bowed and yelled ‘thank you’.

 On their way home, the two of them were munching on the peanut brittle. Langa bit into it and immediately regretted it. It wasn’t that he didn’t like sweets, but it had been uncomfortable.

 “Ouch,” He mumbled, holding on to his cheek. Instead of biting into the brittle, he started sucking on it.

 Reki looked him over, “What’s wrong?”

 “I think,” Langa sucks air tiding away another painful throb in his jaw, “I think it’s my tooth?”

 “Huh,” Reki walks over in front of him. Too close. He can feel Reki’s breath on his skin. He was an inch taller than Reki but now, it felt like Reki was towering over him with how he scrutinised every inch of Langa’s face.  

 Langa feels a blush make its way to his cheeks, his ears, his neck. God he wishes Reki wouldn’t notice.

 Instead because whoever was up there had mercy on him, his best friend and current crush replies with, “You sunburnt again?”

 And Langa exhales mentally and shakes his head externally.

 Reki sighs. He taps on Langa’s jaw, “Did your filling happen to chip?”

 Langa shakes his head, “I don’t have any.”

 “What?! For real?” Reki cups Langa’s cheeks trying to pry his mouth open. Okay, totally not invasive at all.

 Slurred, Langa tried to say, “Yeah, I’ve never had to need them.”

 It all came out gibberish, but because he and Reki happened to share a brain cell, Reki was able to understand all of it.

 “You lucky bastard,” Reki’s eyes are still solely focused on him whilst letting go of Langa’s cheeks. Langa, feeling shy, has to avert his eyes elsewhere, “If I even forget to brush my teeth once, my teeth start to decay.”

 Reki backs away and walks forward. Langa follows and the two of them settle into a comfortable silence. The sun was setting and it coloured Okinawa in an orange-red hue. The air was cooler these days. Summer was ending soon it seemed.

 Langa kept running his tongue on the back of his left molar. The gum line, even if he couldn’t see it right now seemed to be swollen.

 Guess that meant a trip to the dentist.

 ---

 “It’s an impacting wisdom tooth.” The dentist says.

 His mother was still at work and Langa came to the dentist office by himself. His mother had offered to drive, but he was quick to shoot it down saying that he would skate to the office.

 “We’ll need to take it out,” Langa’s mouth is wide open as the dentist probed on his gums gently, “It’s going to be a quick surgery. Do you have anyone with you right now?”

 The dentist took out his dental probe. Langa shook his head, “No, I’m alone.”

 “We’ll have to get consent from your guardian.”

 Langa sighs and calls his mother mentally apologising for calling her at this hour knowing that she would be busy with work.

 “Hello?” She answers, “Langa?”

 “Hi mom,” He says, “I need your consent.”

 “Oh!” She perks up, “What for sweetie?”

 Langa sighs, “The dentist says I have an impacting wisdom tooth. So, they need to perform emergency surgery.”

 There was the sound of rustling papers on the other line. His mother must be busy in the lab then.  

 “Oh of course!” She replies more rustling, “Have them send over the forms and I’ll sign them immediately with our insurance policy.”

 “Okay.”

 With that, he hangs up.

 Seventeen years of not having a single cavity and here he is having to tide over an impacting wisdom tooth. Just his luck.

 Well, at least he has a free pass for school today.

 ---

 Langa is really hazy.

 The room is spinning. He thinks this is what it might feel like to be drunk. He’s so nauseous that he might actually puke.

 He blinks a couple of times but the lights around him are so offending he wants to hurl something at it.

 There are voices, but for the life of him, he can’t understand. His brain is short-circuiting for sure. Is this what it feels like to sit on a marshmallow? It’s so soft and warm, but also everything is displaced and it keeps spinning.

 “ I’m gonna puke,  ” He says in English  .

  Immediately, there’s the cool feel of metal as a trash bin is pushed to his hands. He puts his head in it, but then it’s too dark and he sleeps so well in the dark, so he just ends up staring into nothingness, huh, that feels really nice, he might fall asleep–

 “Langa,” someone, he’s not sure who nudges him, “Langa, it’s Dr Sawada, can you hear me?”

 “Huh?” He intelligently replies, his brain has not caught up, and it takes a minute for him to comprehend that he’s speaking in Japanese.

 Right.

 He’s in Japan right now, he moved with his mom half a year ago. He met this red head, no scratch that, the love of his life here, oh and the love of his life doesn’t know, he skates, that’s right, oh and where is he right now?

 “ Where am I? ” He says in English before he remembers; Japanese, he has to speak Japanese. And so he repeats, “Where am I?”

 The Doctor, he’s going to call him Doctor with a capital ‘D’ because he can’t remember the doctor’s name all he remembers is Reki and who he wants to get the–

 Oh. Reki. Yeah. That’s right.

 With his red hair, his nice fingers, his cute freckles, what Langa would do to kiss each of the freckles on his face. What Langa would  kill for to kiss Reki.

 Oh yeah, wait the Doctor is saying something, “You’re at the dental clinic right now.”

 Huh.

 But he could have sworn he was on a marshmallow, “Okay.”

 “We had to give you some anesthesia.”

 “Not good?”

 Doctor Doctor laughs, “Someone is here for you, his name is Reki Kyan?”

 “My boyfriend?”

 “Sure.” Doctor Doctor walks out of the room with a smile on his face.

 Oh my god, his boyfriend Reki is here to pick him up. He could cry. What a good boyfriend. His  boyfriend .

 Reki comes in yellow hoodie and all, red hair, he’s so beautiful Langa could cry, “Langa, hey, your mom called me to pick you up.”

 That’s when Langa cries because Reki came to pick him up, he’s the best boyfriend Langa has ever had.

 Langa has fat tears coming down from his face and he groans covering his eyes with his arm.

 “Langa?” Reki’s voice is panicked and he reaches over to touch his shoulder, “Are you okay?”

 More tears come down, it’s a waterfall at this point, he’s just so overwhelmed with everything. Reki, his boyfriend, is here to pick him up and he can’t stand up from the marshmallow, and Doctor Doctor is nowhere to be found.

 “Uh,” He can hear Reki coming closer trying to pry his arms out of his face, “I don’t know what to do.”

 “He’s gonna be out of it for a couple of hours because of the anaesthesia, but he’s going to be okay.” Oh, that’s where Doctor Doctor is.

 “Oh,” Reki says because he’s so good, he’s the best Langa knows, “That’s fine. Alright buddy, come on.”

 As gently as he can, Reki is pulling him up to stand up, but his legs, oh my god where are his legs?

 He cries even harder, “My legs!”

 “What? What’s wrong with your legs?”

 “It’s gone!” Langa wails, “It’s gone and I can’t find them.”

 Reki laughs. It sounds like the best thing Langa has ever heard, but this is hardly the time to be laughing.

 “Don’t laugh at me,” Langa protests, “A good boyfriend would help me find my legs.”

 “Boyfriend?” Reki asks like it’s news to him, they’ve been boyfriends since Langa woke up and that felt like ages ago, years even. Langa has it in good account that they have been destined for each other, he knows this because he said so, “If this is your way of asking me out then it sucks.”

 His boyfriend thinks he sucks.

 “You what sucks even more?” Reki says his face so close. Oh my god Reki has a freckle under his nose, it’s so cute, he could kiss it, “Is that you won’t kiss me.”

 That does suck.

 He has to fix that.

 He’s the worst boyfriend ever.

 He cries even harder.

 “I’m the worst boyfriend ever.”

 Reki laughs and pulls Langa’s arm around his shoulder, “Yeah you are. You better ask me out again when you can remember.”

 That strikes a chord into Langa’s whole being. He turns to face Reki and as serious as he can get, he wanted to say that he won’t ever forget about Reki but all that comes out is, “I won’t remember.”

 Nailed it.

 ---

 He will know a little bit later that he did not, in fact, nail it.

 ---

 It’s not like he forgets about the whole thing.

 In fact, he remembers the whole thing in clear picturesque quality, like 1080p 4K quality.

 Langa remembers Doctor Doctor (now Doctor Sawada), remembers the marshmallow, and how he has made a fool out of himself in front of Reki.

 He’s in his room, covered in his black and blue striped blanket and all he can do is duck further into his bed and scream as loud as he can into his pillow.

 He also remembers that Reki technically  told him to give him a kiss.

 ---

 It happens like this.

 All of them are at ‘S’.

 Miya, Shadow, Cherry, and Joe all witness as Langa challenges Reki to an ‘S’.

 “Terms?” Reki says leaning onto the wall of the ramp.

 “If you win, I get to kiss you.” Langa says and he calls it a triumphant win as he witnesses Reki turn as red as his hair, “If I win, I get to take you on a date.”

 “This is all too one-sided.” Reki counters without any real bite to his words. There’s a blush sploshed on his face, “It’s a win-win for you.”

 “It’s a win-win for the both of us.” Langa says.

 “Why can’t you two be normal for once and just do things normally?” Miya, his face contorted in disgust.

 Reki laughs, “You’re the worst boyfriend ever.”

 Despite this, they gear up to get ready for the starting point. 

 At the end of the night, it didn’t really matter who won (Joe says it was Reki). 

 At the end of the night, both he and Reki were holding hands. 

 At the end of the night, Langa has given Reki about ten kisses. 

 ---

 Reki never lives Langa’s wisdom tooth extraction story down.

 “And that’s how he asked me out, he’s so lame.”

  ---

[echo-three-one]

A Forgotten Memory

An Alex x OC fic

Chapter 7 babyyyy!

Link to chapter 1 along with the summary here

Reviews appreciated as I'm only human and I would like to improve as a writer

I'm running out of gifs (check out the gifmakers tho they're credited down there)

VII - Alex

"Echo Three-One to Actual. We've infilnitrated the location. But it looked like what we've speculated. It's just a cargo warehouse." Alex lowered his gun and hid it on his holster. They were disguised as local policemen as they're breaching a very public area. Echo Three-One frowned at the sight, he had high hopes that Samantha would be here, and he could rescue her and see her again.

He started to regret that he tolerated her actions last night. In his defense, she was scared and needed his presence. He even loathed himself for sleeping that night. How could he let her escape?!

Hey Alex. Just letting you know that I'm home safe. Maxine's here but she forgot about a whole day worth of memories. Maybe she just went out on a bar with her other friends. Can't say I'm not suspicious about it, but I'll be careful. You can swing by and help me discover what's going on with her if you want.

He remembered every word of her text. What's worse is that it actually didn't send, he found it on her apartment floor when he woke up and came looking for her. He misjudged her by thinking she wouldn't come back to her apartment, because her abductors might still be around. But then again, how would he know what's going on in her mind? She won't even share her life details at him. She just filled her with lies on top of more lies, but it was all okay for him, he respected her that she's good secrets she had to keep. He swore he shouldn't get attached to her but looking at himself now, It looked like he also failed that too.

He silently paced around and examined the whole warehouse. He trusted that the intel is correct and they're not barking at the wrong tree.

"This is Echo Three-One advising all units to locate the premises for other possible entry points." he radioed over the comms sending his team to scatter across the vicinity.

It was not long until one of the agents discovered a secret stairway disguised as a refrigerator door.

"Good job! What made you think about opening the damn fridge?" his friend congratulated with a tap on his shoulder.

"I dunno man, I felt hungry. But maybe it's my spy instinct telling me to open it." He humbly replied, Alex chuckled at the conversation before they began heading down the secret tunnel.

"Clear!" Each unit cleared the hallway full of different rooms on each side. It felt like they quickly abandoned the station, leaving unimportant heavy items that were left on the room. They cleared each door until all that's left is one double door at the far end of the hall.

Alex raised his heartbeat sensor as one pulasting dot bleeped from behind. His heartbeat sped as he believed it to be Samantha on the other side of the door. They carefully breached the room revealing a heavily sedated Samantha, bound on a dentist chair. She was unconscious but tears were falling from her eyes. Alex ordered the others to continue to the hallway while the other team escorts the HVI to extraction.

His hands trembled as he slowly lifter her up and carried her. He couldn't hide his concern toward her as his voice sounded afraid.

"GET A MEDIC. ASAP!" he roared as they make their way back to the entrance, glancing at her the moment her tears touched his arms.

"You're going to be okay..." he whispered.

***

"Yep this definitely reeks CIA." an old man with greying hair walked in front of Alex, dropping Samantha's lab results on the table as it makes it's way to Alex. His expression was worried as he looks intently at Alex.

"So, you think we're against each other now?" Alex raised his eyebrow at his supervisor. Supressing a smirk as he noticed that he cut his hair almost bald.

"Not necessarily... But this kind of drug is one of the abandoned projects from decades ago. The only existing sample of this is locked behind secure bunkers deep within the CIA." he crossed his arms and scratched his beard.

"Whoever we're dealing with here, has strong ties within CIA." He warned as Alex nodded in agreement.

"So, what's our plan?" Alex stood up, looking interested to hunt for the mole. His supervisor smirked and shook his head.

"This isn't your fight, kid. Your job is to ensure our HVI is safe. We still don't know who she is, even our facial scans and fingerprint recognition can't seem to pinpoint her. She's foreign but she doesn't look like one. If she cooperates with you, then we'll get a better lead at the case at hand." he pats Alex's shoulder.

"I trust you kept your professionalism when it comes to her, right?" Alex nodded as his eyes locked against his, he's testing if he's lying. Luckily Alex knows what cues he must avoid.

"Yes, Sir." he nodded, the look in his eyes told him that he passed. If he could conceal such lie, what else can the other people within the CIA conceal?

He'll leave the mole to them while he focused on his HVI, both professional and personal.

"Supply drop every Sunday right here." The older man targeted the area with a laser pen. Alex mentally studied the map. He had no idea what country it will be but a wide aerial viee is all he had to know. A dense forest with rivers stretching from each side. The house itself is like an abandoned log cabin on the outside but it's reinforced with bulletproof walls and other notable security features.

"Guess we're both going hunting in our own way as well." Alex remarked as his Commanding Officer chuckled.

"Hunting for information, that is.." Of course he wouldn't get his joke.

"We'll extract you 0300 hours tomorrow, whether she's unconscious or not. Good luck, Alex."

"Thanks, Jack." they both shook their hands as the meeting dismissed. While waiting for extraction, Alex decided it'd be best to stay by her side. In case her dream state would reveal vital information.

***

Alex stood beside her bed as the extraction team set up her dextrose. It kept her from starving all while she's unconscious to ingest something. The doctors instructed Alex how to refill her bags as she'd been asleep for almost a day.

"What if she wants to pee?" Alex asked the doctor, clearly embarrassed about his query.

"The drug effects that's making her unconscious is almost over. She'll be getting up in about three hours or so... So you don't have to worry about that, Alex."

"Uh.. thanks Doc. Have a safe trip home."

"Contact us if she feels uneasy or weird."

"Will do."

And with that, the medical team made their way out of the safehouse, leaving Alex and Samantha all alone in the middle of nowhere.

[insomniac-arrest]

"She had mermaid blood in her veins, but would never reach the ocean."

When I was seven, I fell through the ice. It wasn’t my lake or even my neighborhood, but the water hungrily submerged my body whole anyway.

I was only seven, but I was playing with the older kids my brother liked. There was Macy who wore shorts under her skirts in summer and finger less gloves in the winter- even when it snowed. And there was Lenny who liked to chew on ice and chase people with sticks with dung on it. And of course, Jaden who was older than all of us and could take the bus downtown all by himself.

We were playing kick the can, which wasn’t a very complicated game or very fun in my opinion. One kick down the lane, and then another one. Last one to touch it is “it” and you don’t want to be it. I don’t remember if I was “it” when it went soaring. But there the can went across the soft twilight, sailing across the street and down down, the patchy hill where snow was still clinging to the yellow grasses.

It skittered across the lake we had wondered toward. It was all countryside after you passed Lenny’s house and there were big fir trees and sloping mountains in the distance.

“Go get it, Kelly,” Jaden said it so you knew it had to be done. “Go on now.”They all knew that my mom bought me new boots every winter and that my house was the biggest one on our own street. They knew my brother was the only reason I got to play with them so I scrambled down the hill and toward the rigid ice.

It had melted and frozen again over the last few days in a way that made it look lumpy and like drip-castles you make with sand where you layer it one uneven pile at a time. The can was a Fanta one, all orange and mashed and I didn’t hesitate to scramble for it.

The ground wasn’t even slippery after the powder dust of snow that morning and I made quick work of getting all the way across the frozen water.

“Wait,” that was Macy who wore shorts under her skirts. “Wait, hey, Kelly.”I didn’t look back, I was only a couple steps away from the violent orange can. The cracks were an afterthought and I was seven and invincible and they only played with me for my brother who was more invincible.

“Got it!” I turned with the can in hand but my friends faces were twisted and slightly bloodless as they looked at me.

“It’s fine guys, she’s small,” Jaden muttered, “just come back slow, Kelly.” He called that part to me.I took the next step and under the bits of snow the uneven ice was spider-webbed out in all directions and my eyes went wide as the ground crackled like dry twigs in a fire. “Oh.” I took the next step and it was faster then a snap. The water gobbled me up without a second thought. I went under with a swoop of my stomach and the lights extinguished with a sudden gulp. It was a lifetime on its own where I was taken under and it was dark as the inside of dreams and cold as dentist drills against your gums.

I barely got to scream before I was flailing, gasping, for up. Where was up? I couldn’t find up.

I squirmed and reached out for air or light or anything solid. There was screaming inside my head when I could only find more black waters. There was no air, no light, nothing but the weightless black everything. It was a lifetime.

The hands on my jacket were hard and strong when I was hauled back to the light. Back to the air.

“Ah!” I gave a sharp choking gasp and clutched my hands together. There was an earthquake coming from my very center.

“Get her mom, get her mom,” Remy was yacking up words animatedly and I was shaking. I glanced up at the twilight evening sky and the clouds were purple like my fairy shoes and the world sharp and bright around me like a picture coming into focus. I curled up there and blocked it all out. I was still shaking.

I got home. I got home somehow and was gently soaked in a steaming hot bath that tingled up my limbs and flooded my cheeks with welts of red and put life back into my blue lips. And left me wanting. That’s when the wanting started.

I threaded the hot water through my fingers and something twisted so finely inside me I couldn’t explain it. They would ask me later: how did a girl from Minnesota get an interest in swimming? Why long distance? Why outdoors?I told them different things: I have mermaid blood. It’s all the salt. It’s the depths. It’s just how it is. Sometimes you set records without trying.

I never told them the truth because I couldn’t explain it properly either. I never told them that sometimes a girl from Minnesota almost drowns. And she wants it again- to be lost in the water and get to come back to life again each time.

Send me a phrase or sentence and I’ll write a poem or flash fiction about it!

[sunflowerhae]

butterflies by Kacey musgraves with jeno pls 🥺 I was LITERALLY listening to this song while I saw your post and took it as a sign 🥺

|📣 ▹▹ it WAS a sign my love! Enjoy! Also, I will say this is a bit longer than the others, so yeah lol🦋

Send in your own request!✨🍰🌙

|⚠️ caterpillar’s unfortunate death

“I was just coasting, never really going anywhere. Caught up in a web, I was getting kind of used to staying there”

You’ve known you didn’t like Lee Jeno since you were eight years old.

It was October; the leaves on the ground made loud, crunchy noises that were music to your ears when you walked home, and the weather was just cold enough for your mother to pack you into a light blue jacket and pull a beanie over your head before sending you off with a kiss and your peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

It was the day you had been waiting for, for what seemed like weeks; Miss Stacy’s First Grade Class was going to start raising butterflies.

You had been paired off into groups of four kids to one butterfly. You were in a group with a young girl named Yeri, and two boys named Renjun and Jeno. You would sometimes play tag with Yeri, and Renjun was your tetherball partner. You hadn’t had many interactions with Jeno; the older boy was always too busy playing kickball with the other boys to play with any of the girls - let alone you - but it didn’t matter to you; nothing did. All you could focus on was your beautiful caterpillar, and the excitement you felt about raising and then releasing it.

You had a routine.

Everyday, Renjun and you would come into the class and check on your caterpillar; change it’s water, give it more leaves; anything it needed, you gave it. In the afternoon, after lunch, Jeno and Yeri would do the same. However, that day Yeri had left school at lunch; her retreating figure slumping along as she did the walk of shame to her mother; anxious about the dentist appointment she had. You didn’t think twice before getting up from your spot under the tree and walking to the sand field not far from you; Jeno’s figure in your line of sight. He was waiting for his turn up to kick, laughing at something Na Jaemin had whispered to him, when he felt a small peck on his shoulder.

“H-hi Jeno oppa,” You shyly mumbled while looking down at your light up sketchers, not used to interacting with the elder boy.

“Hi.”

“So um, Yeri unnie left for the day, so I’ll be helping you with your caterpillar duties.”

Jeno gave you a confused look. “Oh, Why did noona leave?”

“Um, a dentist appointment I think.”

He shrugged his shoulders and gave you a weak, “okay,” Before turning back to the game.

You thought it was okay.

But clearly, it was not.

“I don’t understand why we even have to do this.” Jeno whined next to you as you wrote down how much the caterpillar had eaten since this morning to now (2 WHOLE leaves).

“Because, well...it’s cute” you shrugged.

“Well, I don’t want to do this lame work. We wouldn’t have to if we just killed the bug.” You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. Kill the caterpillar? Not on your watch.

“N-no! We can’t kill it! It’s a living thing! Would you kill a cat?”

Jeno’s eyes went wide, and he frantically shook his head. “No! But this isn’t a cat, it’s a caterpillar!” He laughed.

You didn’t think this was a laughing matter, so you gave a small ‘humph’ and turned your head so you weren’t looking at Jeno anymore. Jeno, wanting to play a small joke on you, took this opportunity to silently open the caterpillar's cage, take out said caterpillar, and hide it in between his hands. He thought it was so funny; seeing you turn and freak out because the caterpillar wasn’t there anymore.

What wasn’t funny was when Jeno totally forgot living things need air to breathe.

It was quite a scene to behold; you were standing by the teacher's desk, sobbing so hard that snot came out of your nose, while softly holding the dead caterpillar's body in your little hands and caressing it with your left index finger. You couldn’t help but feel absolutely terrible. Somewhere out there, a little mommy butterfly is wondering when her baby will be home from his adventures in human children's land, and he’ll never return. He’ll never get to turn into a beautiful butterfly, and fly in the wind; spreading his beauty.

Jeno was also trying not the cry. He didn’t mean to kill the caterpillar. He just wanted to play a small prank on the girl he thought was pretty like his mommy. He did actually want to see the caterpillar turn into a butterfly. Renjun tried assuring him that it wasn’t a big deal, but Jeno still felt guilty. Especially when you wouldn’t stop caressing and petting the caterpillar, saying that, that way it doesn’t feel scared, or lonely. Saying that out loud to your teacher made you cry even more, and you didn’t stop crying until you were safely in the arms of your own mommy, while she pet your hair and held you while walking to the car.

The next day, you saw Jeno laughing and playing with his friends; seemingly having forgotten all about the caterpillar incident the day before. Your blood boiled. In the end, you got put into another caterpillar group, and got to release the butterflies anyway; but you never forgot about that one caterpillar incident with Jeno, and you vowed to never let your guard down around the older boy, and to always hate him.

And you had perfectly upheld that vow until sophomore year of high school.

“Now you're lifting me up, instead of holding me down Stealing my heart instead of stealing my crown Untangled all the strings round my wings that were tied”

Week 1

“It’s your fault we’re in here, so shut up!” Jeno had been nothing short of annoying for the past week while you both sat out your punishments in after school detention.

Why were you in after school detention, you ask?

It was no surprise that you two went the ways you did after elementary school. Jeno, being the most popular varsity soccer player by sophomore year - and you, being a valued member (gunning for president by senior year) of the photography club. It was because of the ways you two went, that you ended up in the position of taking the soccer photos for the yearbook. You had to stay at their practice for the whole two hours, but took a break halfway through to catch up on a bit of homework. Jeno, wanting to always be the center of (your) attention, thought it would be a hilarious prank to kick a soccer ball at you while you were looking down at your homework. The first time was harmless. It landed at your feet and startled you, sure, but you just glared at a laughing Jeno while throwing it - albeit, weakly - back. However, the second time he kicked it, neither of you got so lucky.

And that’s how you ended up with a broken $630 camera, Jeno with a bruised (you weren’t that good at punching) nose, and the both of you with a months worth of after school detention.

“My fault?! You’re the one that punched me!” You both sat at opposite ends of the classroom, but that didn’t stop you from fighting. The teacher had walked out to go get more coffee, so you two were free to argue.

“And you’re the one that broke my camera!” You fired back, which initiated you both yelling on top of each other in anger. Jeno wouldn’t usually be too upset about a small incident like this, but after school detention collided with his soccer schedule - which meant that for the next month, Jeno was off the team.

And boy, did he hate that.

“ENOUGH enough! Listen, I really don’t want to talk to you, so you stay on your side and I’ll stay on mine, deal?” You offered, already tired of yelling. Thankfully, Jeno mumbled out a,

“Fine,” and turned his gaze out the window with a sigh, just as the teacher was walking back in.

Week 2

“I need help with my homework.” Many people thought you were an easy A kind of person. You came off as a smart kid, but you secretly kept it in that your grades were genuinely terrible, and just prayed that no one found out.

Usually you would be with your math tutor, but with after school detention, that wasn’t possible. The teacher was, once again, not in the room (that happened a lot, although the times she was there, she was sleeping), and so your only hope was unfortunately, well, Lee Jeno. You knew he was smart - sports kids had to have good grades. You really hoped that he would help you, and wouldn’t laugh, and wouldn’t tell anyone that he did.

When he heard you, he was so ready to laugh in your face and spit out a “no way”, but when he looked up and saw your pouty gaze, well, he was sold. So, instead, he mumbled out a small, “yeah sure” - to which you smiled and took a seat next to him.

It was only once you were already out of the school building did you realize that not only did you two not fight that whole time, but you actually made jokes with each other, and you sat with him the rest of detention.

Shit.

Week 3

“-And so I quickly grabbed her and said ‘no yeri, those aren’t eggs!’ And she spit them out onto the floor while yelling!” The milk Jeno was in the middle of downing quickly flew from his nostrils as he broke out in laughter at the climax of the story you were telling him. You quickly had to shush him while laughing yourself; making wide eyed glances back and forth between him and your detention teachers slumped figure.

It wasn’t that you two were friends, oh no, definitely not. You just had no one else to talk to in detention, so Jeno and you found yourselves sitting next to each other and actually having civilized conversations that didn’t end in having to be separated. The thought of you two being friends still disgusted you, and you refused to admit that you were becoming close.

This is as far as I will get you told yourself.

I only have one more week, and then I can go back to hating him.

But do I still want to?

You didn’t know this, obviously, but Jeno was thinking the same thing.

Week 4

You and Jeno were slowly walking down the empty hallways of your school after your last detention together. Not a word was said between the two of you; both afraid of what might be shared.

You didn’t want to stop talking to Jeno. In the last four weeks, you’ve come to actually enjoy your time together - finding that you had more in common than you thought. While you never would have admitted it before, you’ve always kind of wanted to get to know Jeno, even if you did think he was a jerk. So the idea of not talking to him made you quite upset, though you tried not to show it.

Finally, the two of you got to the entrance doors of your high school, but neither pushed them open. You both just stood there, exchanging awkward glances back and forth, and hoping that the other wouldn’t leave. This went on for around a minute, before something was finally said by Jeno, “y/n, can I be honest,” you nodded, “I don’t want to go back to hating you.”

“Same!” You exclaimed a bit too quickly, the both of you giggling messes at the fact.

“Actually, if it’s alright with you, I was wondering if you, maybe, I don’t know, wanted to see a movie with me tomorrow?” He awkwardly scratched the back of his neck, and in the pit of your stomach, you could feel a lonely little butterfly begin to flap its wings as you nodded at his offer with a smile on your face.

“Now I remember what it feels like to fly You give me butterflies”

The breeze from the open windows pulled and pushed your hair every which way as you closed your eyes and smiled from your spot in the passenger seat.

The speaker was blasting with Kacey Musgraves, and you almost felt yourself falling asleep, but the hand that slid into your own had you opening your eyes and glancing at the boy occupying the driver's seat. He was glancing back and forth between the road and yourself with a smile on his face, and you couldn’t help the content sigh that fell past your lips.

“What’s up, baby?” Jeno mumbled, always worried when it came to you.

“Nothing, you just make me so happy.”

Jeno’s smile widened, and he brought your interlocked hands up to his lips, and kissed the back of your hand, before looking at you and saying, “happy three year anniversary”.

First, your mind is occupied with that little 8th year old girl, crying while glancing down at the dead caterpillar in her hands.

Then, you think back to that moment in front of the entrance doors to your school, where that little butterfly in your stomach popped up for the first time, and your heart warms at the thought that that butterfly lives in a garden of its own kind now.

[fandammit]

Look how long this love can hold its breath (2/4)

Part 1

A/N: Another ~2500 words of Ben Gross character study/slow (I mean sloooow) burn Devi x Ben romance. 

*******

He spends the next two days after the party replaying his back to back attempts at kissing Devi, then the way he had just stood frozen in place as Paxton helped her out of the pool.

By that time, Shira had emerged from...wherever it was she had been and had draped her arm around him, and the combined weight of that and the guilt he felt from making a move on Devi when he was still in a relationship with her had rooted him in place.

So he’d just watched as Devi had had what probably should’ve been a private confrontation with her closest friends in front of the entire school, then as Paxton had rushed in to save the day and whisked her away to take her home.

He’d hate Paxton if he wasn’t so thoroughly disgusted with himself, and he’s at least not so selfish that he isn't glad that Devi at least has someone there for her at the exact moment she needs it, since he's apparently too much of a coward to be it.

His one saving grace for the night was that he’d managed not to be a total shithead. He’d waited until most everyone was gone or too drunk to really know what’s going on, then pulled Shira aside.

“Hey, so.” He’d taken a deep breath in and then breathed out again slowly. “I think we should break up.”

He had steeled himself then, ready to give a long and genuine apology about how it wasn’t her -- she’s beautiful and popular and he knows he’s lucky she even spent this long with him -- it was him. He’d been ready to talk about how sorry he was to do this to her, how he knew she’d find someone again soon and he wished her the best.

But she’d just given him a bored look and said ok, then left the room with a listless wave.  

******* After nearly a year together, it turns out that his relationship with Shira is approximately the equivalent of a half-hearted shrug, which might make him sad if he wasn’t spending all of his waking hours thinking about what to say to Devi when he eventually has to talk to her about what happened at his party.

He'd run after her at the moment and blamed it on the alcohol -- and that had held at the time -- but he isn’t so sure it’ll hold up in the bright light of day.

What scares him isn’t some delusion -- and he knows it’s a delusion -- about Devi holding some kind of more-than-friends affection for him, but the very real threat that he’s lost the opportunity to actually be her friend at all.

The awful, boundless loneliness of going back to just being her enemy instead of her maybe, sometimes, somewhat friend seems unbearable. Not now that he knows how much lighter he feels when they stand on solid ground next to each other rather than just trying to claw each other down to get ahead.

He really wants to insist that he was drunk and stupid and that he didn’t mean it, even if saying that second part out loud makes him feel a little bit sick -- as if the lie is too much for his stomach to hold.

Or else that he’d just been so lonely and grateful that someone gave him a present and he’d been drunk enough to let that gratitude manifest in affection, and that it wasn’t her, specifically -- he’d have kissed anyone in that moment who’d given him a present. He’d have kissed his dentist for sending him that postcard.

He so desperately wants those things to be true -- like, more than he wants the Clippers to win the title or his mom and dad to spend more than a week at home with him. More than he wants to be valedictorian at the end of high school.

Because he knows the last thing he needs to do is admit that it wasn’t the alcohol or the present or the fact that it was his birthday and he was feeling alone despite the crowded house. Because admitting that would mean admitting that he had tried to kiss Devi simply because he wanted to kiss her. Because she had looked pretty in the dimness of the theater room, and he’d looked at her lips and suddenly realized (or maybe let himself admit) it wasn’t the first he’d wondered how they might feel. That somewhere along the way the warm sensation in the center of his chest whenever he looked at her wasn’t spite, but something softer, something more tender and dangerous and hopeless.

“Goddammit,” he says out loud in the darkness of his empty room, which is weird for two reasons: he almost never cusses and he’s talking out loud to absolutely no one.

Still, it helps, kind of, so he keeps going.

“God. Fucking. Dammit.”

And then because he can’t bear to say that one particular truth out loud, he switches it for one that he can; stares straight up into the emptiness of his dark room and says through gritted teeth: “You are an entire fucking idiot, Ben Gross.”

*******

It takes another day for him to work up the courage to talk about what happened that night, which is ridiculous because the tactic he lands on has all the grace of a daytime soap: feigned amnesia.

So he stutters through some half-assed explanation about what he may or may not have done, about not wanting things to be weird, and how they shouldn’t be weird because, hey after all he couldn’t remember anything, so they should be ok.

She looks somewhere between thoughtful and skeptical, which makes sense because Devi’s not stupid. She is, in fact, the exact opposite of stupid, which is something that has frustrated and motivated and enticed him at various turns in their rivalry.

He figures he’s about half a minute away from her calling him on his lie, and he steels himself for whatever sharp-edged insult he’s about to get deservedly thrown his way.

Which is why he’s stunned into silence when she doesn’t insult him at all, but instead asks if she can move in with him.

“I’m sorry, what now?” He asks -- you know, once he’s able to get his brain to function properly and his mouth moving like it’s supposed to.

She sighs heavily, and he notices for the first time how tired she looks -- almost defeated. Which throws him off even more than Devi Vishwakumar asking if she can move in with him, because he’s never even seen her look humbled -- and God knows he’s tried.

“Before you say no --.”

“I’m not gonna say no, Devi.” He interrupts, and the relieved smile on her face is enough to make him want to give her almost anything she might ask for. “I’m just -- is everything ok?”

He expects her to say something sarcastic, something along the lines that the simple fact that she’s even asking him means that her world has gone terribly wrong.

But she doesn’t say that. In fact, for a long moment she doesn’t say anything at all, just closes her locker and leans against it with her head kinda bowed.

“Uh, Devi?”

He moves closer to her and it’s almost as if he can feel the misery coming off her in waves. Some remote part of him clocks the fact that like two years ago this would’ve felt sweet; now he just feels alarmed and a little panicked, his anxiety settling along his skin like an itchy rash.

She looks up at him and he’s close enough to see the brightness of unshed tears in her eyes. His eyes widen in shock as he moves closer to her -- not to touch her, because he doesn’t think she’d actually appreciate that from him right now, but to block the gaze of any random passerby in the halls. Half their class have seen Devi lose her temper, but next to no one has seen her cry, and he thinks she’d probably prefer to keep it that way.

“Hey,” he says softly, ducking his head down to meet her lowered gaze. “I just need to ask my parents, but I already know they’re gonna say yes.” He chews on his lower lip. “Is there anything else I can help with?”

“Not unless you can convince my mom not to move us to India.”

He blinks rapidly at that.

“Wh -- what?”

She nods, lines of misery settling along the shape of her mouth.

“That’s why I need to move in with you. I can’t just, like, go back home and be there with mom, knowing that she’s just gonna whisk us off to India.” She shakes her head. “I can’t be around her, Ben.”

“Ye -- yeah, ok, definitely, sure.” He says, trying to process what she’s saying. He takes a deep breath and gives her a small smile. “It’s no problem, David. You can stay with me however long you need to.”

*******

“So, this is the guest room,” he says, opening the door. “Well, one of them.” He gestures towards the closed door on the far side of the room. “This one has the best bathroom though.”  

She raises an eyebrow at that, then walks past him and sets her bag on the bed. She turns around and scoots onto the bed.

“I -- uh -- really appreciate this Ben,” she says, and it’s the first time he can ever remember her actually seeming shy. “I know it must suck to have your rival in the house with you.”

His face twists involuntarily when she calls herself his rival, and he can see the flicker of confusion on her face.

“Do you prefer nemesis?”

He gives her a small smile.

“I was thinking -- .” He almost says friend, but then thinks that might be a bridge too far. “Associates? Living with someone who considers themself my nemesis makes me feel like you’re going to murder me in my sleep. ”

She rolls her eyes.

“I mean,” she says after a moment. “You are letting me stay in your house for, like, free.” She smiles. “If that doesn’t qualify as friendship, I don’t know what does.”

He shrugs and looks away, but only to hide the wide smile on his face.

He hears a knock on the door, and then his mother walks into the room.

“You all settled in sweetie?” She asks Devi with a smile.

Devi nods.

“Yes, thank you Mrs. Gross. I really appreciate this. I know having a house guest can be an imposition.”

She waves the compliment away.

“Not at all. There’s 4000 square feet in this house -- we could go days and not even see one another.” She turns to Ben. “In fact, that is literally what is going to happen this week because your father is going to Malibu for a boy’s getaway and I’m having a girls trip to Napa for the week, so we’ll be out of your hair until next Thursday.”

He gives his mom a tight smile and leans forward for her to kiss him on the cheek like he knows she will.

“And I’m so sorry we’re going to miss your band concert, sweetie,” she says and he sees Devi frown out of the corner of his eye. He glances over to her and mouths a capella, then turns back to his mom. “I promise we’ll make one of them one of these days. It’s just -- well, you know, sometimes you just need a break from parenting!”

She gives him a small hug then sashays out of the room, and he’s left with the weight of Devi’s stare.

“So, have you ever been in band?” She asks after a moment.  

He shakes his head.

“I have not.” He shrugs and gives her a smile that he knows is strained at the edges. “But I am in a lot of extracurriculars, so it can be hard to keep up.”  

She gives him a hard stare when he says that, but he has the feeling it isn’t really directed at him. He makes a weird gesture with his arms that’s halfway between it’s fine and what can you do, and thinks about how Devi’s parents have always gone to every fair, competition and exhibition they’ve ever had. They even went to the monthly award ceremonies in elementary school, where Devi would rotate between being student of month to science star of the month to best orchestra student of the month to shining art star and then back around again.  

His, it should go without saying, have never gone to any of his events -- a fact that it seems like Devi is now realizing by the expression on her face.

“When’s your A Capella concert?” She asks after moment. 

“Tomorrow night.”

“First one of the year?”

He nods.

“Yeah, so it probably won’t be our best one.” He grins at her. “I mean, I’m going to be awesome, obviously, but the rest of the group -- they don’t quite have my talent.”

She rolls her eyes.

“Alright, Will Schuester, leave me alone so I can unpack.”

“Ok, first of all, that’s glee club and it’s completely different,” he says, as he turns to go. “And also, I’m clearly Finn Hudson.”

“You’re a freaking dork is what you are,” she yells behind him, but even with his back turned he can tell she says it with a smile.

*******

Their A Capella concerts never have a very big audience, which makes it easy to spot Devi in the third row of the auditorium the next night at his concert. She gives him a small wave and a thumbs up from where she’s sitting, and he smiles so widely at her that his cheeks hurt a little bit.

The concert goes pretty well, all things considered. He is obviously the best part of it -- that part wasn’t a brag to Devi. Well, it wasn’t solely a brag. 

He emerges from the chorus room and out into the lobby as soon as its over, not even stopping to help tidy up the room as he usually does to score brownie points. 

He scans the lobby and sees Devi standing in the far corner, her hands in her pockets as she scans the room for him. 

“David,” he calls out and walks over to where she’s standing. He tells himself he’s a little bit breathless because of all the singing he’s just done. “You didn’t have to come.”

She shrugs.

“I know.” She gestures to the program in her hands. “It’s actually a lot cooler than I thought it’d be, though it’s nothing like Pitch Perfect.”  

He scoffs.

“I mean, this is just a concert -- you should see what it’s like at regionals.”

“Ooh, do you guys have a sing-off in the parking lot?”

“One sing-off, David? More like you can’t go anywhere at regionals without getting challenged to a sing-off.”

She laughs, and he gives her a sidelong glance.

“So you, uh, you don’t think it’s weird and nerdy?”

She shakes her head.

“No, it is definitely still weird and nerdy, but, like, in a cool way.”

He grins at her.

“Thanks for coming -- it’s the first time anyone’s ever been there for me.” He catches the look on her face -- a flash of something that could be anger, could be incredulity, could be sadness -- and furrows his brows. “What?”

She shakes her head.

“Nothing.” She smiles at him. “I’m glad I came.”

He smiles back at her. 

“Me too.”