#like mentally and emotionally this was all it took for me to be stuck in the past again and I just feel that's not doing me any good

[seraxfemme]

I gotta pick between committing to grief counseling or full time nail technician/owner of my own nail business. Or straight up abandon my entire life become a welder's apprentice. I used to want to be a nurse or mortician but honestly... Its intimidating. Esp academically w my weird education gaps and all that. Welding seems intimidating too but I'd rather mess up a piece of metal or nail art than someone's actual body so. I either wanna help ppl directly or just do lots of work w my hands.

[klara-rosa]

yesterday was my former best friend's birthday and I spontaneously texted her to wish her a happy one, not expecting or thinking she would even reply (because I wouldn't have if I were her) but she did and now she's telling me she misses our friendship and in my head I'm like...really? Do you really?

Because I blamed her for the demise of our friendship for a pretty long time (and there were things she did that were wrong) but most of all, after all these years, I feel I treated her just as shitty. I was needy and dependent on her and already pretty deep in my depression and I clung to her and our friendship and so desperately wanted her to be "my person" that it must've been pretty suffocating for her. I was also so dramatic back then a lot of the times and sometimes I want to beat myself up over this, but then again I think we were young adult, just 20 years old or so, and our brains weren't even fully developed yet.

But anyway, now I'm thinking if she knew me now maybe things would be better and different but also that it would still be pretty hard to be friends with me. Because the matter of the fact is that when our friendship endet, that was such a huge trauma for me, that ever since I don't think I've been able to befriend people in that same way. I'm always distant, careful, watchful, I don't trust people and I don't get comfortable with them. Because I know they will leave again at some point and going through that pain again is just about the last thing I need at this point in my life.

Us texting now also makes me think...do I really want to open up that can of worms? Like, really??? Because this is all tied to so much of what is making life so difficult for me and I've been pushing this away for a long time and so many things I don't even understand and even more things I don't even WANT to understand because it would pull me down so much and the wave of sadness and hopelessness would crash over me again and I don't know if I would make it through that.

The truth is she was my best friend, my favourite person, for a really long time and the only person I felt that truly understood me and liked me and we were there for each other through some of our hardest times and I just love her so deeply. I habe always loved her and will always love her becauae so much of my being will always be tied to her. I think even after so many years of not speaking, I never stopped loving her and considering her my best friend. Sometimes I feel like I've just been waiting for her to come back to me for the past 8 years now and that's why I can't make other friends, because I'm so preoccupied in just waiting for my best friend to return to me.

But I know these times are over and things will never be what they once were. I know I'm deeply embarrassed by my younger welf and even more embarrassed of my current self. I don't want to be seen or known, by her or by anyone. I just want to not be a person to other people?

So as much as I miss her and as good as it feels when she's telling me she misses me, I just...I just can't. I've given up trying with people. I'm just not a people person. I don' want to be hurt, I just want to exist and do my thing. I don't want to be abandoned again, because this is the only thing people will always do at some point.

[rebelliousstories]

Rightful Spot

Relationship: Remy LeBeau/Gambit x Reader

Fandom: X-Men

Request: Yes by Anon

Warnings: Fluff, Brief Angst, Mentions of Fighting

Word Count: 1,521

Main Masterlist: Here

X-Men Masterlist: Here

Summary: After coming back to his timeline and finally joining in on missions, Remy underestimated how powerful cuddles could be.

Consider Donating: Here

Looking back on it now, he could have stuck that landing better. However, the circumstances leading to him having to stick a landing were a bit unforgiving, so it should not have been terribly surprising. Still, falling from the sky and rolling into a dark alleyway was not how Remy wanted his welcome home to be.

He could not complain though. Remy was home. He was back in his own universe, and now had a renewed sense of purpose. Stumbling out into where he could see lights, familiar sights and sounds greeted him like old friends. New Orleans, Louisiana; home sweet home. Gambit was on Bourbon Street, which was always hustling and bustling.

His feet began the trek to who knows where. All he knew was that they were going some place familiar and safe. The man ducked and weaved, making his way effortlessly through the crowds. In his hands, a card was always there, just in case. Further and further from the crowds, his feet took him. Down to where there were some apartment buildings, his brain finally started catching up with his feet. Taking over, Remy bolted up to the top, and began to run across the rooftops to his destination.

Dropping onto the fire escape, he thanked whatever was out there that he managed to keep mostly quiet. Peaking inside the window, he was shocked to see someone was still awake. In fact, multiple someone’s had been awake and moving about the apartment. Remy could not hear what was being said, but he knew those faces. Scott with his red glasses, and Jean with her matching red hair, Storm with her flowing white locks, and her. His cher was sitting there entertaining them all.

She looked like she was exhausted. Not from sleep, but mentally and emotionally tired. She looked like how Remy felt being in the Void. In her hands was a mug of something warm, probably that tea she likes to drink, and one of Gambit’s jackets around her. His heart tugged at the sight, and his lips curled in a smile. She never did do well with the cold.

Picking the lock on the window, Remy silently creeped into the apartment. Their eyes had not noticed the new person in the apartment, but he noticed how quiet it had gotten. Before he could speak, his body was suspended in the air as Jean turned to face the man. But she gasped in shock and let the man go almost immediately. The rest of the party was just a second behind her.

“Now, that ain’t no way to treat da Gambit, no?” His hands began massaging his body as the other people finally reacted to the new arrival. He heard her voice whisper out his name as he stood once more.

“Cher, I’m home. I’m so sorry.” But before he got any closer, Scott stepped in front of the ladies.

“If you really are Gambit, what’s something only he would know, huh? What was the last thing he said to me?” Scott pressed, worried that this might be an imposter.

“Cyclops, really? I just got back, mon ami. We really gonna have us an inquisition right now?” But the man was not swayed.

“What was the last thing Gambit told me?”

The Cajun was looked around for someone to support him not doing this, and just wanted to lay his eyes on his girl again. But he groaned, and wiped a hand over his face in frustration.

“Gambit told ya, ‘I’ll go on the mission. Jean needs ya here. Tell my cher dat I love her.’ That was the last thing I told ya before leaving for that damn mission to go so some recon on the brotherhood.” Everyone stood down. But Scott was still unimpressed.

“Where have you been all this time? And why only come back now?” He continued, even though Jean was tugging at his sleeve.

“Went on dat mission, and touched down in da forest. Didn’t find no brotherhood, but instead some people called da TVA takin’ bunch o’ dem out. Next thing I know, I wake up in da desert in some place called the Void. Been der evea’ since. Den a Deadpool and a Wolverine fought to leave the Void, and bargained for my freedom to come back as well as others. Believe me now, Scott?” Remy was getting fed up with answering questions. All he wanted was to get her in his arms.

Before anyone could speak again, he was nearly knocked over by the weight and force of something hitting him hard and fast. Remy regained his balance and looked down to see his girl squeezing him tight. Closing his eyes, he wrapped his arms around her and held her close. Hands landed on his arms, and he found Scott and Jean there on one side, with Storm on the other. Remy pulled the rest of the gang close as he relished this moment he never expected to have again.

After a few months of training, flying back to New York to go live at the school again, and a brief adjustment period to not always being on edge about who or what was going to find him, Gambit was back in the field. He did not do solo missions anymore, but he was excelling in team exercises again. This last one had kicked everyone’s butt though.

What was meant to be a simple mission of going down to help stop a mutant riot in the city, turned into a full scale brawl with the Brotherhood. In the end, they had eventually stopped the riot, but not without acquiring some scratches and bumps. The flight back to the school was a silent one; one where everyone that was not navigating the plane just wanted to rest with their eyes closed, and their brain off.

It was a smooth landing, which was a blessing. But having to walk back up was a curse. Every bone felt ten times heavier, and their feet felt like they were made of lead, but they did it. Bidding his teammates adieu, Remy continued his climb to where their room was. Thankfully, she had moved back into the mansion, having left when Remy disappeared, and was staying in their old room together. It was just like no time had passed.

Creaking the door open, he was delighted to see that she was folding some laundry with music playing somewhere in the background. Upon hearing the footsteps, she looked up, smiled, and abandoned her task.

“Remy, you’re home! Are you alright?” Her arms wrapped around him in a tight hug that made him groan.

“Ease up, cher. Ol’ Gambit done had the card house dropped on him.” Pulling away, she saw that a bruise was starting to form right underneath his chin. She traced a feather light touch over it, and furrowed her brows.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” She pleaded, worried to see what other marks he had gained in the afternoon that he had been gone.

“Non, cher. Just finish wit’ dem clothes so we can lay down, yeah? Gonna go get out of my suit now.” Gambit pressed a kiss to her lips, but was careful over the split he felt in the corner. While he went to the bathroom to change, she resumed her task of getting the laundry done.

Her mind was distracted, and worried about her lover that was just on the other side of the door. She could hear his groans and hisses, especially once the water started and he was underneath the stream. Setting out a loose shirt, and an equally loose pair of pajama pants, she went to work putting the rest of the clothes away while waiting for him to come out.

The door opened, and she just had to turn to see. Bruises started darkening already, and there were some minor scrapes, but that seemed to be the brunt of his injuries. With a towel loose around his hips, he grabbed the clothes from the bed, and sent his lover a wink. Not a seductive or even teasing wink, but rather a way to say thank you. He disappeared back into the bathroom, and she changed herself to something a bit more comfortable. As she was pulling the covers back from the bed, Remy emerged once more, with damp hair, and a fresh set of clothes on.

Gambit crawled into the plush bed, and sunk into it with a groan. She giggled, but crawled in beside her lover all the same. His arms, no matter how bruised or sore, opened wide to accept her right where she was supposed to be. They were facing each other, and her hands were tucked up against his chest to keep her close. One arm under her neck, and one around her waist, Remy kept her as close as humanly possible.

“Je t’aime, cher.” Remy whispered, pressing a kiss to her hairline as they began to drift off.

“I love you too, Remy.” She replied, feeling perfectly at peace in her spot with her lover.

[11cupids-tarot11]

Late night conversations with your future spouse.

1 -> 2

How do guys feel about the name "Love Bugs"? I've been considering calling you guys that, I think it's cute 🥹 I want to do something cool with it in the future- stay tuned guys!

In honor of reaching 100 followers I want to do something special! I want to do a follower's request! So comment down below, message me privately if you want, whichever way you prefer! This will still be a general reading for everyone, but I'm excited to see what cool and unique topics you guys can come up with!

Take care!!

- Cupid 𖥔 ࣪ ᥫ᭡ꗃ⋆࣪.

I'm open for private readings! DM me!

$5.55 per question

C@sh app and PayPal payments only!

Cash tag- $minnieplant3

Tips appreciated!

Love y'all!

- Cupid 𖥔 ࣪ ᥫ᭡ꗃ⋆࣪.

Pile 1- Four of coins, The hierophant in reverse, The world, Eight of swords, The sun, Queen of wands, Five of cups.

You guys will talk about the future a lot! You guys will like talking about planning, how to save more or trips, dream vacations. Just your dream life together.

This is a moment when both of you can be in pure silence even and just enjoy each other's company, you both could have busy schedules so making time for each other might be a little rough, but at night time it's y'all little bonding moment basically.

I'm hearing something about not having to really use your brain as much lol. Maybe someone works in a field that requires them to think a lot or it's very mentally challenging or even draining so they get to finally be at rest as well, the conversations will always be light hearted and just lots of laughter and child-like energy here because neither of you really want to take this moment that serious. I'm also seeing you guys could opt for doing other activities instead of talking, like watching a movie and for some of you your person took it to a 18+ level lol.

You guys will really like to talk about how much you want to explore together, where you want to go, I think this person wants to give you the world so you'll be thinking this is just random playful talk but he'll bring it up again when the moment is right to make these dreams and talks come to life!

If you guys have had a bad or gloomy day they'll wanna talk about it so they don't feel so stuck in bad energy, they really don't want to carry it on till the next day so they'd rather talk and get all of the negative things out of the way so you both can sleep peacefully.

You both love talking to each other a lot, about everything and there's no judgement here, you guys could even fall asleep mid way sometimes because I'm seeing you one of you will be so tired (I think it's definitely from a tiring job or schedule, weekday nights will be a lot different than weekend's, weekend will definitely be longer, you guys will talk more or do more activities together because that's y'all's little bonding time! Cute 🥹.

Your person will love hearing about your day! They'll want you to tell them about everything you did. They're definitely the type to ask how your day was, they genuinely care too, they're not asking just to make conversation they'll really want you to go into details! They'll want to emotionally support you through thick and thin.

Random, but someone has a six pack? They might be shirtless a lot too lmao.

You guys will definitely use this as a moment as well to talk about anything within the relationship that you want to work on, I don't think your person appreciates toxicity so they try to eliminate as much as possible, if there is a problem or they've noticed you've been grumpy all day they'll want to discuss in details before bed, this person really hates going to sleep with low vibrations not only for themselves but for the both of you, they think you both deserve a happy good night's sleep! Adorable! 🩵

I hope you enjoyed! Don't forget to do the poll at the bottom and I'll see you later! 💖

Pile 2- Four of wands, Ten of cups reversed, Knight of cups, The tower reversed, Three of coins and The wheel of fortune.

So this person is kinda dramatic lol. I think by the end of the day they're really tired and some days aren't able to stay up like they wish. They say they feel like a zombie some days :(

They'll still be very expressive with you, they'll explain this. They don't want you to think they're making up excuses or don't want to spend time with you or anything. I'm seeing this might be part of the late night conversation, they'll tell you exactly how they're feeling and why. This is only for certain days, it will not always be like this energy.

I think your person's kinda flirty though? Like they're keep you laughing for sure, they have a lot of passion and just like to be near you at night! You guys could end up just cuddling and sitting in silence without even realizing you're both falling asleep. It's very comfortable energy, you'll feel so good cuddling up with this person you guys might just forget about the conversation at hand and drift off, freaking adorable!

This person loves how calm everything feels with you at night, everything's peaceful and they can just relax and let loose, sleep to their hearts content. I think this pile just might really like sleeping? There could've been a thing one of you had trouble sleeping before getting together, it could just be your person's energy but take it how it resonates!! But now whoever had trouble sleeping before can sleep so peacefully so it's their favorite thing to do, you guys can't wait to get in bed to get all nice and warm and get a good night's sleep.

Maybe they'll ask you questions about what you did all day, they'll check up on you, use this as a time to get insight on you I'm hearing.

They'll want to tell you about the wacky things that happened to them out of the blue, if something funny, crazy or even slightly out of normal happens they just have to tell you! They'll gossip a lot, tell you everything! Like best friends at a sleepover.

I hope you enjoyed!! Don't forget to do the poll below, see you soon! 💕

[rockscanfly]

Random Charles Smith Headcanon's

Has probably contemplated suicide at more than one point (see “I’m here just to hurt and suffer myself. In this land I feel stuck.”)

Maybe a little vain. He cares for his clothing well, embellishes himself. 

Has auditory sensitivity. He gets very irritable with loud people.

Has never felt like he belonged, always feels cut off

Is comfortable with violence only against folk he sees as on his own level/like himself. Has little empathy for himself so has little empathy for them (hence smoking while Arthur beats a man for information, the efficient and quick kills of the bounty hunter, the poachers)

Has a STRONG sense of justice--that includes responsibility and culpability. People make choices and Charles holds them accountable for them. Sadie is a killer, so he treats her like any other ally. That German family didn’t make that choice, neither did the Wapiti. But he doesn’t have any pity for the gang.

Animals don't choose violence, hence the protectiveness over them and their dignity. 

Comes off as cold because he isn’t loud/not good at chat. He’s really just been alone most of his life. 

Okay with drinking, does NOT like drunkenness. Back to culpability. This can make him unforgiving and harsh at times.

Both he and Arthur are so used to people passing in and out of their lives that they’re afraid to hold on too tight. Then Arthur gets captured by Colm. Hosea talks to him, about Bessie and about Arthur’s dead family. 

“I’m not her,” Charles says. “Not either of them. I’m not asking you to leave your world behind, and I’m not going to wait for you in some house. We’re partners first. I’d lose the rest of it before I let you put me to the side.” 

He likes that Arthur is big enough to push him around, to hold him down and anchor him when he can feel himself getting lost. To toss him over a broad shoulder when they’re swimming around on a hunting trip and settle him down on soft pelts, to pin him and bite the lonely from his skin. 

Charles can kick Arthur’s ass and will do so on request

He’s kind and thoughtful. He’d be the one to make Arthur little presents and leave them around for him. Practical things, made special with the careful workmanship of beading/embroidery/etching. 

Can be impatient—autonomy is his norm so waiting on others both physically, mentally, and emotionally doesn’t come natural to him

Will cut slingload on people he feels don’t value him back—would not pine for Arthur or stick around if Arthur tries to protect himself by lashing out at Charles, even if he still has feelings. His father taught him that he has to protect himself because no one else will do it. Arthur. Well. Arthur’s the only person he’s trusted to have his back. Because Arthur proved it, several times over. There’s no one Charles would have used “do it for me” on other than Arthur Morgan. 

He fell into fighting again because he had begun opening his heart for the first time since he was a child, and then fate took Arthur too. Like Charles said—he was put on the earth to cause pain and to suffer himself. 

He tries to help folks, but he’s not good at talking and he can’t use his privilege to help like Arthur did. He’s everything the US government hates, even more than the Waipiti. They reach a point where his violence is no longer useful. And for a drowning, grieving, heart sick stretch of years violence is all Charles has left to him (hence going to Saint Denis, a city he hates, and fighting people for white folks' entertainment in a transparent suicide-by-cop bid for someone to end his suffering) And then Sadie gives him the option of closure and working beside John reminds him that he is a man, not a weapon, and Beecher’s Hope makes him believe he too can change. 

Charles has never tried to be anything but who he is. He and Arthur are similar in that way. What he realizes, what Arthur realized too late, is that he can change if he wants it. And that maybe he’s allowed his past pain and scars to run his life along a course he doesn’t actually have to follow. 

Brought to you by my on-going replay of RDR2 and my undying love and devotion to princess of my heart Charles Smith.

[writingwithciara]

Broken Bond ~Chris Sturniolo~

summary: the stupid reason chris stopped talking to his best friend

pairing: chris sturniolo x reader

word count: 4.3k

notes: allusions to sexual content, nearly toxic chris, sweet baby matt

masterlist

y/n and chris were inseparable from kindergarten all the way up to the summer between freshman and sophomore year. it was as if chris just decided he didn’t want to be in her life anymore. and that shocked everyone. but unfortunately for him, she was always going to be a permanent fixture in his life, whether he liked it or not because she was still close with nick and matt. they never felt the urge to get up and abandon her like he did.

but he believed he had a good reason.

the summer between 9th and 10th grade, chris noticed that y/n changed quite a bit. she had gone to florida to visit her grandma for a week and when she came back, her shorts were shorter and her shirts seemed to be tighter. every time chris saw her, he had an over abundance of unfamiliar thoughts. he didn’t like them so to cope with the change, he stopped talking to her altogether. he started going out of his way to make sure whenever she was at the house that he wouldn’t be.

and it broke her heart.

she spent the first week alone, afraid that matt and nick would also change their minds and leave her too. but on a cold rainy saturday morning, when matt showed up to her house with movies and snacks, she knew he wasn’t going anywhere. and for the rest of that summer, y/n spent all her free time with nick and matt, almost completely forgetting that chris even existed.

when the boys announced they were moving to la to move their career along, they invite y/n to come with them. she was supposed to go to school there anyway so she figured it would be easier for everyone. so they packed their bags and headed west.

when they got to town and the boys began their career, y/n found herself feeling alone again. especially when the boys had to leave to film a video. or when they went on tour. she joined them when she could but most of the fans were never happy with her presence, despite her blossoming career as a youtuber.

it was never matt or nick that made her feel alone though. they publicly defended her against the fans & spent whatever time they could with her. it was always chris who would make her feel unwanted. he just didn’t seem to care.

but he cared so much.

he could tell that basically abandoning her in sophomore year had really hurt her, both physically and emotionally, and he wanted to go back and change it all. but he couldn’t do anything about it now, nor could he get rid of the impure thoughts that littered his brain whenever she was around. she used to be his best friend and he shouldn’t have been feeling that way to begin with.

he couldn’t take back what he did in the past but he could try to make up for it in the present.

whenever he would see a fan comment something mean about her, he would send that person a message, completely defending y/n. but nobody ever knew about it.

so when the hate started to die down, chris felt like he did a good job. y/n was confused at first as to why she was getting fewer and fewer hate comments but brushed it off, happy they weren’t being mean to her anymore. it started taking a toll on her mental health. luckily for her, she still had matt. he helped her through her first everything and they were suddenly the inseparable ones. probably even more so than y/n and chris once were.

---

y/n was sitting in her room when nick called her. although she was confused, she picked up her phone and smiled. “why are you calling me when you live right upstairs?”

“y/n, i tested positive for covid so i'm stuck in quarantine until i'm better. and seeing as how you were just with me earlier today, i feel like you should get tested too, just in case.”

“oh okay.” y/n grabbed the text from her nightstand and sighed. she took the test and waited on the phone with nick. when it came back negative, she was relieved. she didn’t want to be stuck in her room all day every day. “i'm sorry you have it, nick. do they boys have it?”

“matt does but chris keeps testing negative.”

“so i can’t hang out with my 2 best friends but i'm gonna be stuck with chris? i would much rather have covid, honestly.”

“the week is going to fly by. i promise.” y/n smiled at her best friends optimism.

“i could always pretend i have it so i can avoid him.”

“that’s true.” nick chuckled. “but why would you do that?”

“i can’t be around him, nick.” y/n sighed.

“girl, it has been 6 years. it’s about time you bury your grudge.”

“i tried. but you can’t just get rid of several years of feeling every emotion. i loved him at one point and the fact that it was before he ditched me really hurts.”

“if it makes you feel any better, i could tell you why he ditched you, even if it is the most ridiculous reason ever.”

“you know?”

“not entirely. but i did read his journal entry from that date and although it lacked detail, it’s pretty obvious why he did it.”

“tell me.”

nick decided to describe the reason in as much detail as he could create. he painted a vivid picture for y/n but she didn’t seem to believe that was the reason chris stopped talking to her.

later that day, y/n was in the kitchen preparing a meal for the boys when chris decided he was hungry. he walked up the stairs and stopped at the top when he saw y/n at the stove. he could’ve turned around and headed back down to his room before she knew he was there but his stomach rumbled so he decided to walk to the fridge. y/n turned at the exact moment chris was reaching for the door, causing her to nearly slap him with the spatula she was holding.

neither of them said a word as they silently stared at each other. the tension was palpable and seeing y/n dressed in sweats with her hair up in a messy bun, caused chris to cough awkwardly. he shifted slightly as he tried to look anywhere but her face.

y/n was the first to break the silence. “what are you doing out of your room?”

“was hungry.” chris shrugged nonchalantly and opened the refrigerator. “need food too you know.”

“yeah but i figured you would’ve seen me and went back into your room, seeing as how that’s the way it’s been for 6 years.”

“my need for food was too strong.” chris turned but avoided her gaze. he looked down at the food in front of her. he went to grab some off the plate but she smacked his arm and pushed him away.

“this is for the 2 brothers who didn’t abandon me.” she looked at him.

“can you make me something too?”

“no.” she grabbed the plate and walked to matt’s room first. when she walked in, matt noticed she wasn’t wearing the mask she was supposed to.

“where’s your mask? i don’t want you to get sick too.”

“matt, i keep telling you that i don’t care. i'll be fine. and even if i do get sick, i know you’ll take care of me.”

“what makes you say that?” he asked, jokingly raising an eyebrow.

“okay fine. guess you don’t want this wonderful & delicious food i made you.” she picked up the plate and went to walk towards the door but matt’s whines stopped her.

“you know i'd take care of you. in sickness and in health.” he chuckled. y/n set the plate back on his desk and smiled.

“the way you’re talking sounds like we’re making a wedding vow.”

“that’s the deal, remember?” matt smirked, causing y/n to think back to their junior year of high school.

she had been in a relationship with a member of the lacrosse team for quite some time so when he abruptly dumped her with no explanation, she began to wonder if there was any hope for her. matt found her after a game and they had made the promise to marry each other if neither of them were in a serious relationship by the time they were 25.

“yeah i remember.” y/n smiled. “but i highly doubt that’s going to happen, matt.”

“and why do you say that?”

“because look at you. you’re…good looking and you have a great personality. plus, you’ve dated way more than i have. i think it’s safe to say that you’re more likely to be in a serious relationship at 25 years old than i am.”

“don’t sell yourself so short. you're good looking too, obviously. and you have the biggest heart out of anyone i know. your personality rocks and you’re going to find the right guy someday. gary just wasn’t the right one, of course.”

“you’re my favorite triplet, you know that right?”

“oh i am fully aware.” he chuckled and took a bite of the food she made. “don’t worry. i won’t tell nick.”

“i'm sure you will eventually.” y/n kissed his head and walked back to the kitchen. she ignored chris and took nick’s plate to his room. he was asleep so she left the plate on his nightstand and went back to the kitchen.

she had only been out of the room for 10 minutes and chris had somehow managed to make a huge mess.

“what the fuck are you doing, chris?”

“i'm trying to make myself some food since you won’t do it for me.” he rolled his eyes and focused back on the grilled cheese he was trying to make. or burn, y/n wasn’t sure what the endgame was.

“holy shit, you’re helpless.” y/n rolled her eyes and moved him out of the way. “go to your room and i'll call you up when it’s ready.”

“i don’t get room service?”

“don’t push your luck.” she pointed the spatula at him threateningly and smiled to herself as he retreated to his room in defeat. she began to cook his food and questioned why he was even talking to her, eventually chalking it up to the fact he was probably lonely without nick or matt.

when she finished cooking, she decided to bring it down to him. she knocked on the door and opened it slowly when she heard the faint ‘come in’. she set the plate down and was about to walk out when chris called out for her.

“wait, hold up.” he turned around in his chair and looked up at her. “thank you.”

“no problem.” she stood awkwardly as he stared at her. “can i go now? got a big mess to clean up.”

“yeah you can go. but, um, don’t worry about the mess. i did it so i'll clean it.”

“okay?” y/n was more confused now than she was earlier. she walked out of the room as chris resumed the game he was playing.

chris' eyes roamed the computer screen in front of him but his mind was running rampant with thoughts again.

“how am i supposed to get her out of my head?” he muttered to himself. he could hear nate laughing on the other end of the headset.

“still can’t believe you stopped being her friend just because she got boobs.”

“she got boobs and she got hot. all it took was one week.” chris sighed.

“and you’ve been in love with you since you were 8. in case you forgot, that was before she was hot. so why did her, um, development have to change the dynamic between you two?”

“i don’t know. it just did.” chris sighed frustratedly and looked down at his phone, suddenly coming with a way to get rid of the thoughts that wouldn’t leave. “i'm gonna go now. play later though, okay?” nate said his goodbyes before chris hung up. his attention turned to his phone. he picked it up and opened instagram. the first post he saw was a picture of y/n and he thought it was perfect. he took a screenshot and added it to his album filled with pictures of her through the years. chris swiped a few times until he settled on a picture of y/n that he always loved. he knew matt had taken it but he didn’t care. she was smiling and wearing an orange fresh love hoodie. it was right after he launched his brand and he gave them each a hoodie, purposely giving y/n the orange one, even thought it would drive him crazy.

and it was certainly driving him crazy. he hated that it didn’t take much for him to get excited but he also loved that it was only y/n that could do it for him.

y/n was watching netflix in the living room when she just happened to glance over at the kitchen. it was still a mess and she hadn’t seen chris in a few hours.

curiosity got the best of her and she found herself slowly approaching chris’ bedroom door. it was slightly ajar and she could see a faint light coming from the crack, along with some low music coming from his speaker. his voice could be heard but he was muttering something y/n couldn’t hear. she quietly pushed the door open a little more and her jaw nearly dropped at the sight before her.

chris was facing away from her but from the way his arm was moving, y/n knew what was going on. that didn’t bother her though. it was what he was getting himself off to that bothered her. there, right on his screen, was a picture of her. it took every ounce of self-control not to scream out loud or go over and berate him for using a picture of her.

she stood there, unable to move, and watched as chris finished himself off. he rolled onto his back with his eyes closed and y/n found herself finally able to make a run for it. too bad she suddenly lacked the coordination to do so and crashed into the wall. chris' shot open and he looked at y/n. she was trying to look anywhere other than him. he pulled the blanket up to cover himself and couldn’t find the words he needed to say.

“i just….i’m just gonna head out now.” y/n almost slipped as she stood up and rushed back up to the living room. there was no way she just witnessed that.

the week that followed was even more awkward than it had been before. y/n never went out of her own way to avoid chris before but how was she supposed to look him in the eye after what she saw?

when nick and matt both tested negative and were able to come out of their rooms, matt was the first to point out the tension in the air. nick brushed it off and told y/n she was going to be in their car video, giving her no time to argue as the 4 of them piled into the car.

matt took them to mcdonald’s to get food then drove them to an empty parking lot and they began to film. y/n wasn’t sure of what the topic was and the only thing she could focus on was chris.

“how are you guys feeling today?” chris asked, keeping his gaze on matt, fearing that if he looked to the backseat, y/n would disappear.

“i'm feeling fantastic actually.” nick threw a few fries into his mouth. “so glad i can actually taste things again.”

“yeah me too.” matt smiled and shoved some fries in his own mouth. “i'm also glad that you two didn’t kill each other or burn the house down while we were stuck in our rooms.”

“chris almost burned it down on the first day.” y/n stirred her mcflurry and looked at matt. “after i brought you your food that day, i returned to the kitchen and this kid was wither trying to consume a charred sandwich or was intentionally trying to burn the house down.”

“hey now.” chris spoke directly to y/n but caught himself and looked at matt. “she refused to cook me a meal.”

“i don’t blame her.” nick rolled his eyes and looked back at y/n. “but you should’ve known letting the kid in the kitchen unsupervised would result in a disaster.”

“did you end up making him food anyway?” matt chuckled.

“of course. couldn't let him attempt it again.” y/n attempted to joke and looked up to see chris looking at her through the rearview mirror. he looked away quickly. nick witnessed the awkward interaction and he shared a look with matt. matt stopped recording so they could address the tension in the car privately.

“what’s going on with you two? one minute, things are back to normal between you two & the next second, it’s like you guys were never friends at all.”

“yeah. what happened?”

“nothing happened.” y/n and chris said at the same time. nick shook his head, clearly not buying it.

“that’s fucking bullshit. the tension, as strong as it was before, has never been this intense. why is it so awkward? did someone see something they shouldn’t have?” nick chuckled and when they didn’t respond, his eyes widened. “wait, what?!”

“you’re joking, right?” matt glanced between them. “tell us.”

“i’d rather not. it was kind of embarrassing.” y/n looked out the window behind nick.

“so did chris see something?”

“no. y/n saw something.” chris sighed and looked back at y/n. “and i'm sorry.”

“it’s okay, chris.” y/n avoided eye contact and opted to look at matt.

“well, what did you see then?” nick questioned, getting more and more invested in the story.

“she caught me, um…..” chris glanced down at his lap, hoping his brothers would pick up on the hint. they did, immediately going crazy.

“what? no way!” matt couldn’t contain his laughter. nick on the other hand was too grossed out to even speak.

“told you it was embarrassing.” chris glanced out the window, hoping nobody would bring up what he was using to satisfy himself and thanking y/n for not mentioning it.

the rest of the video went by rather smoothly after the revelation. when they got back to the house, y/n and chris were in the kitchen while the other 2 went to shower. chris was focused on his phone and y/n was finally ready to ask why.

“i know it’s a week late but i was just wondering-“

“no, i'm not going to tell you why it was your picture. i don’t need you to hate me anymore than you already do.” chris sighed, not even taking his view off the phone as he answered the question she never finished.

“chris, i don’t hate you. and as much as i have tried to do it in the past, i just can’t. you may hate me but we’re clearly going to be in each other’s lives forever, whether or not we want to  be. so maybe we should just start at the beginning.”

“i don’t hate you, y/n. that’s the fucking problem.” chris set his phone down and finally looked up at her. she was scared of the sudden aggressiveness in his tone.

“then why the fuck did you stop talking to me before sophomore year?!”

before chris could answer, matt came out of his bathroom. his hair was still damp and he was attempting to dry it with a towel. he looked up and could feel the tension again. “what just happened?”

“nothing.” chris picked up his phone and went down to his room, slightly slamming the door.

matt just turned to y/n with an apologetic look. “i'm sorry.”

“not your fault.” she sighed and walked over to him. “let’s just go to your room.”

matt didn’t argue with her as they both climbed into the bed, passing out shortly after.

chris was not as lucky. he stayed awake for most of the night, trying to come up with a valid explanation for the picture.

when he finally managed to get to sleep, he was woken up by a soft knock on his door frame. he looked up to see y/n standing in the shadows. he sat up straight and looked towards her.

“we need to talk, chris. so please don’t brush this whole thing off. i'm being serious. don't change the topic when you know i want a clear answer. got it?”

as rare it was, chris loved it when y/n would get a little bossy. thankfully, it was dark and the blanket was hiding everything from view. “okay.”

“first, i need to know why you ditched me that summer. then i need to know why it was my picture you were jerking off to. and please don’t lie to me, chris. i know your tell.”

“if you know my tell, then how come you couldn’t figure out that i have never once had a bit of hatred towards you in my life? how come you didn’t figure out anything from the past? i don’t think you know what my tell is.”

“fine. i don’t. but i want to know the reason you dropped me like i meant absolutely nothing to you. are you gonna tell me or am i just going to have to go tell matt what you were using when i caught you?”

“fine. i'll tell you. just please don’t tell him. he’ll kick my ass for being a ‘pervert’ and i would rather that not happen.” chris shifted himself on the bed as y/n walked closer. she was wearing matt’s blue fresh love t-shirt and her legs were bare but chris knew she had shorts underneath. “the reason i stopped talking to you that summer was because when you came back from florida, you changed.”

“changed how? my tastes and personality were exactly the same.”

“no. i mean, um…” he hovered his hands over his chest and gestured them outwards. y/n quirked  an eyebrow before catching on.

“oh.” she looked down at her feet. “that’s the stupidest excuse i have ever heard.”

“i had to stay away from you as much as possible because when you came around, my mind was fully clouded with very impure thoughts and i didn’t want to keep them. plus, i didn’t want to be around when all the guys came out of the woodwork to ask you on a date. i figured with distance and time, i could stop myself from wanting to kick the crap out of every guy that suddenly decided you were interesting, just because you had boobs.”

“chris-“

“and then gary, the only guy i ever truly felt jealous of, asked you out and you guys dated for a while. i hated that so much. he didn’t treat you how you deserved.”

“oh, and you did?” y/n felt angry at this revelation. “you don’t get to stand there and tell me how i deserve to be treated when you didn’t treat me any better than those guys did. it's complete bullshit, chris.”

“i was a stupid teenager all jacked up on hormones. i didn’t know how else to deal with the feelings that were bubbling up inside.”

“that’s still no excuse, chris. do you have any idea how many nights i cried myself to sleep after, thinking i just wasn’t ever going to be good enough to be your friend? every fucking night, chris!” y/n tried to keep her voice down but she kept getting angrier. chris pulled her into his room and shut the door.

“will you keep it down? you're gonna wake matt.” chris let go of her shoulders and sat back on his bed as y/n began to pace.

“the way you’ve been treating me for 6 years is not fair. do you know how hard it was to get over you? it seriously fucked with my mental health.” y/n paused and looked over at chris. “so, were my boobs the only reason you stopped talking to me?”

“yeah. well that, and the fact that i had a terrible crush on you since we were 8. you should know that i'm not the best at expressing how i feel. i do stupid stuff all the time. for instance, i have an entire album on my phone filled with pictures of you and since i'm being honest, i use them sometimes.”

“for what?”

“seriously?” he looked up at her and noticed she was standing at the end of the bed. he could see the look of realization flash through her eyes.

“oh. right. that thing.” y/n shifted on her feet before sitting on the end of the bed, facing chris. “so why did you use my picture? why not use one of the other girls you find attractive?”

“i literally don’t find any other girl attractive.” he looked away from her and missed the look she shot him. he only looked up when he felt the mattress move beneath him. when he finally looked back at her, she was sitting in front of him.

“you’re lying.” she looked into his eyes and held the eye contact as he swallowed nervously

“no i'm really not.” he shook his head and his eyes flicked down to her lips. “you’ve always been the only attractive girl i know. and i'm sorry i could never find the proper way to tell you.”

“well you’re telling me now.” she looked at him. “the next time you need to ‘take care of yourself’ please come find me. i would be more than happy to help.” y/n climbed off the bed and made her way back to the door. “good night, chris.”

she walked out of the room, leaving chris no opportunity to beg for her help.

taglist: @worldlxvlys @carolinalikesthings @fearfam69691

[bgomtori]

☆ colours - c.bg

synopsis - despite everything you two have been through, all good things must come to an end right?

-> beomgyu x reader

-> listen to colors by halsey for an experience 🤍

-> friends to potential lovers to acquintances, highschool au

-> warnings! beomgyu pushes reader away, angst, talks on mental illness and eating disorders, yn becomes an insomniac, beomgyu's a year older than you

-> notes! i've gotten back into jjk for the 7th time, and i saw like 3 edits abt stsg to the song colors, so i just wanted to LET IT OUT. GEGE AKUTAMI WATCH OUT

love is the most twisted curse of them all

tired eyes scanning through the folder of memories on your phone, your head dipping into the fluffy cushions underneath you. you didn't want to go through it again, but you couldn't stop your fingers from moving. your eyes watered, tears dripping from the corner. this was at least your 50th time rereading past messages, past folders, and old voicemails you had with choi beomgyu

choi beomgyu, the man that he was. talented, charming, and pretty. he was constantly bombarded with the squeels from your schoolmates along the hallways. however, he would always stick to you like glue, to him, you were everything he wanted. what a trope, maybe opposites do attract.

he was the light to your darkness, even if he stuck onto you like a emotionally attached puppy, you appreciated his presence. as much as you wanted to ignore his pestering, you enjoyed it, too much, to the point where your heart starts beating rapidly whenever he's around.

"ynn, let's go to the arcade after school. you don't have anything after right? let's go." the way he drags his words to persuade you into doing something he wants to do with you, and how your name rolling off his tongue perfectly, has an effect on you. his arms leaned on your desk, giving you puppy dog eyes.

"beomgyu, we have a test next week, i can't just waste my time playing games with you." you closed your textbook, placing your pen back into your pencilcase, making eye contact with beomgyu.

"come onn, you've been studying so much this entire week, you've barely hung out with me." beomgyu whined, using the tip of his shoes to kick your shins.

"beomgyu. this test is important for my final grade." you firmly stated your point, hoping that it'll get through beomgyu's thick skull. you sigh when beomgyu continues to look at you with the same puppy eyes, your words going deaf to his ears.

"fine.." you muttered out, you could have sworn that you saw beomgyu's eyes sparkle when you said that. he jumped out of the random chair he stole from the person who sat infront of you.

"i'll wait for you outside your class! see you!" beomgyu beamed, messing your hair before skipping out of the class like a lunatic. you watched as he left your class, smiling to yourself.

"are you giggling over choi beomgyu like everyone else?" your tablemate, natty, commented. knowing the teasing glint she had in her eyes, you glared at her.

"shut up."

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

"i'm graduating in a month, will you miss me?" beomgyu smirked, biting on the straw of his drink. you took small bites out of the bread beomgyu got for you, giving him a disgusted glare.

"what's with that look." beomgyu gasped, swinging his arm around your shoulder, pulling you closer to him. the side of your body was completely squished against him, you could feel your heart about to jump out of your throat. he was too close, too close for your liking.

"i'm going to miss my favourite junior ever, you know that right? you're my favourite junior, no one can ever compare to you." beomgyu reminded you, your lips pursed into a line, pushing his body away from yours.

"don't you have other juniors to care about? why me?" you asked, your eyes not leaving his own round ones.

"isn't it obvious.." he mumbled, not loud enough for you to hear.

"huh? speak up."

"it's nothing! come on hurry, i have a new song to play for you on the guitar." beomgyu grabbed your hand, running towards the direction of his house. you screeched as he pulled you at a speed you were not ready for. you felt like you were running a track competition at this point, just how much stamina does choi beomgyu have?

your head was dizzy, you haven't ran in such a long time at a distance you don't even want to remember. the click of beomgyu's door caused your head to look up from your phone.

"sorry for making you run, i was just excited." beomgyu apologised, placing a plate of fruits and a cup of water on the floor, finding himself on the floor beside you.

"it's fine." you shook your head, poking the fruits on the plate, not having an appetite for them. beomgyu noticed your odd behaviour throughout your entire conversation with him, from the way you just took small bites of the fruits and taking huge gulps of water.

"have you been eating these days?" the sudden question had you panicking, is he always this observant? your eyes darted around his room.

"i ate the bread earlier, doesn't that answer your question?" you replied non-chalantly.

"i meant like proper meals, when was the last time you have eaten an actual meal?" his face has gotten serious, you thought to yourself, your nails dug into the flesh of your thigh, trying to think of a plausible answer.

"i can read you like a book yn, you can't lie to me." beomgyu sighs, his hands reaching out for yours, pulling them away from your thighs.

"i know i'm always not serious around you, but this has to stop soon okay? don't starve yourself, it's unhealthy, and i'm worried for you okay?" beomgyu carressed the knuckles of your fingers. slowly, you calmed yourself down from the unsettling thoughts that were eating you alive, smiling at beomgyu,

"i'm sorry, i'll stop. i don't like seeing you all worried because of me."

beomgyu's lipped tugged up into a smile, standing up, "i'll make something for you to eat, wait here."

from that day on, you knew you could rely on beomgyu with whatever problems you had. he's your best friend either way, opening up to him was easy. he was your solution to everything.

that was until a week before beomgyu's graduation, you've noticed that his radiant aura was turning dull, his eyes slowly getting more tired by the time. despite that, he has been wearing a fake smile around his batchmates, smiling whenever he was with them, returning the same energy they were giving him. your eyes squinted at his odd behaviour, you too, could read him like a book.

"you're not actually that optimistic right?" you stated, trailing behind beomgyu. beomgyu paused in his tracks, turning to face you.

"what are you talking about yn?"

"you know what i'm talking about. if you need it, i'm here to help you." you inched closer to beomgyu.

"please, if you're hurting let me help you too. let me return that favour. isn't that what friends are for?" you gagged at your words, friends? of course. you two were just friends, nothing more.

"aren't you cute? don't worry about it yn, i'll tell you everything soon." beomgyu patted your cheeks, waving a quick goodbye to you before disappearing into his classroom. you stared at the empty spot infront of you, why isn't he telling you anything after everything? didn't he tell you that he trusted you with all his life, if not, why isn't he opening up to you?

you bit your lips, trying to suppress the tears that were about to flow out. you groaned, walking back to your class as if nothing happened, but your mind was overthinking, again.

what you failed to notice was that beomgyu was watching you from the window of his class, his heart ached seeing your pained expression. he then felt a tug on his sleeve.

"when are you going to tell her?" seungmin whispered, his eyes watching beomgyu's actions carefully.

"soon enough."

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

it was finally the day every senior had been dreading or anticipating. you stayed back after school to watch the ceremony, in hopes of seeing your seniors for one last time before they leave, including choi beomgyu.

you felt so proud for him, he's finally done with this hell, and now he can follow his dreams. however, you couldn't escape the feeling of emptiness, without him, what were you? ever since he started distancing himself from you, you felt horrible, you felt like shit.

before you knew it, the ceremony was over, the crowd screamed in joy, running to find their best friends in the crowd. you did the same, dashing to where beomgyu might be at. you hated running, but in order to talk to him in school one last time, you ran as fast as you could.

finally, you found him, your eyes watched as he took multiple pictures with the girls from his batch and yours. your face fell as you realise that the crowd practically engulfed him, you probably wouldn't have enough time to have a decent conversation with him.

however, your eyes met his, your body tensed up, he looked exhausted, yet he was still able to flash you a cute smile that you reciprocated. he signalled you to go towards him, telling the crowd that he needed to leave soon, and that was when you walked towards him.

"congrats on graduating." you hugged him, feeling his body slowly soften under your touch.

"lovebirds, wanna take a picture together?" seungmin shouted, his hand stretched out, asking for your phones. both you and beomgyu handed him your phones. seungmin smirked, snapping numerous shots for the two of you.

when he returned your phones, he whispered something in beomgyu's ear, causing him to blush and yell at him to shut up.

"don't mind him. come with me, i have something to tell you." beomgyu shoved his phone back into his pocket, dragging to towards a familiar direction.

the walk was comforting, you talked about everything that came to mind. beomgyu stared as you rambled, watching you as if you hung the stars in the sky, you were stunning.

"sorry, was i saying too much?" you mumbled, sitting beside beomgyu on a bench at the park where you first met. beomgyu shook his head.

"i like hearing you talk don't worry." reassuring you.

"what did you want to tell me anyways?"

"before that, take this, i want you to cherish this forever, as if your life depends on it okay?" beomgyu pulled out a ring, placing it on your pinky. your heart raced, the butterflies in your stomach turned into a whole zoo, your face felt warm.

"what for..?"

"i'm leaving daegu to pursue my dreams, i may not be able to see any of you again, so i just want you to have this as a reminder of me." beomgyu suddenly announced. your eyes widened, a lump formed in your throat, leaving your mouth dry.

"what are you saying? can't you at least keep in contact with me? that's stupid, you can't just cut everyone out of your life like that." you argued, biting back the tears that were watering your eyes.

"you're making this harder for me." beomgyu laughed, "you'll distract me from achieving what i want, my priority isn't you."

you were smacked with the hard truth, beomgyu was more determined to pursue his lifelong dream, and in order to do this, he has to let go of one of his dreams, and that dream was to be with you forever. your goals were completely different, you would only hinder his progress towards success. your eyes stung with tears, it hurts.

"gyu, you can't do this, maybe we can figure something out?" you pleaded, you couldn't live without him by your side. beomgyu wiped your tears with his thumb, making you look at him.

"you know i love you right? if you love me back, promise me that you'll let me go." beomgyu forced a smile, trying to calm you down.

"you? what? why didn't you tell me this earlier? we could have spent more time together as a couple." your voice was shaky, you wanted to leave, but you wanted to stay by his side till the end.

"yea i could have, but i guess i was too scared, so were you though." beomgyu shrugged, laughing dryly to himself. he hated this, he hated the fact that you were crying because of him, he hated that he can't do anything to stop you from crying. beomgyu watched you sobbed, his eyes beginning to sting, but he blinked the tears away.

"this is just a bad dream right?" you looked at beomgyu. beomgyu held your hand, shaking his head slowly, your eyes tearing up once more.

"sometimes love can be the most twisted curse of them all." beomgyu chuckled, looking off to the side.

"then at least curse me a little at the end." you hiccupped. beomgyu's eyes widened, softening once he made eye contact with you. he pulled you into a kiss filled with longing and desperation. you were quick to kiss him back, you didn't want this to end, you wanted him to stay by your side forever. you slowly pulled away from him, wiping off the dried up tears from your face. beomgyu took your pinky, intertwining them with his,

"i'll go now, take care of yourself for me okay? please eat well." beomgyu kissed your lips once before walking away from you. leaving you to cry by yourself on the bench, at the park where you first met, and now you've ended it at the same spot.

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

bonus!

beomgyu started sobbing when he walked away from you. you must have endured so much pain when he left you in the dark for so long. his first love, a love where it could have blossomed into something more than friends, crumbling down like that. he hated himself for that, he hated seeing you hurt, but you would still suffer the same fate if you stayed by his side. thus he made his decision that week prior to his graduation.

perm taglist! (send an ask to be added) @mrsyawnzzn @tinyelfperson @woncheecks @boba-beom @naveries @be-argyu @defnotleee

[fucktoyfelix]

One criticism I occasionally of sex work is that no one can consent to the work, because money is inherently coercive. This highlights to me how many people remain stuck in a mindset where sexual consent is the one and only kind of consent that matters. That the violation of sexual consent, is unique in it's capacity to traumatize. I like to describe myself as a 'survival call center survivor'. My experience was that I needed money to live so desperately, I would have taken any job, no matter how mentally demeaning or emotionally destructive. I worked for Comcast under that type of coercion for two years and I nearly took my own life under those conditions. I was screamed at daily. 8 hours a day, not a moment to have my own thoughts. I resorted to opioids daily just to get through my days so I could make rent. The biggest difference between my work at Comcast and my work as a sex worker, is that at Comcast, I was legally recognized as a worker, which meant I was entitled to certain benefits and legal protections. If anyone at my place of work made me feel unsafe or uncomfortable, there would be swift remediation.

The health insurance and the 401k served as additional coercive factors, but I was able to use that 401k to leave the country for 10 months instead of the other, more permanent solution I was considering. When I returned to the United States I began participating in sex work because I love sex and sexuality. I loved making porn. I loved meeting touch starved people and helping them feel less alone!! My sex work was creative, rewarding, and profoundly fulfilling. I had control over my work in ways I never did working jobs people consider "real" jobs. But I was also extremely privileged to have never felt unsafe. Those safety concerns can only be addressed when all sex work is recognized and afforded all the same legal protections that every other job enjoys. All jobs are coercive. No one can 100% consent to any job because we all need money to survive. But until we end capitalism, not all of them have to be unsafe.

[azulazenin]

On your knees

Kinktober 2024 | Deepthroating

Pairing: Adrian Tepes/Alucard x Original Character (Mihaela Karnstein)

Summary: Newly engaged Adrian and Mihaela trying new things in bed.

Warnings: Blowjob, cum eating, face fucking. Minors DNI !

A/N: This is an extra for my story The Blackest Day and its sequel Swan Song. Be mindful that in this particular universe, Alucard was born in 1451 and not 1456 like the show, and Mihaela was born in 1453. However, they are both dhampirs and they develop faster, by the time this excerpt happens they are physically, emotionally and mentally adults.

1463

“Are you sure about it?” Adrian asked tenderly as he looked down at her. “You don’t have to do it just to please me...”

“I want to.” Mihaela was already on the floor, knelt in front of him on a pillow, her inexperienced yet firm hands undoing the ribbon of his sleeping pants. “I like doing things for you.”

He swallowed dry, feeling his face going warm and red. Ever since they slept together for the first time, only a week ago, they’ve been trying new things in bed, exploring each other’s bodies and the nuances of their desires. Mihaela was an anxious lover, so eager to try to give him everything that, sometimes, she ended up covered in bruises and aching spots on her body. The marks never make it to the morning, her dhampir blood granting her fast recovery to almost anything, but Adrian, always sweet and caring, was still afraid of hurting her.

“You must guide me, though. I’ve never tried this before.” The way she looked up at him, eyes burning with lust and anticipation had his cock throbbing in his pants.

Adrian nodded, watching her pull down his only piece of clothe and release his growing erection. Mihaela gasped, she had seen him naked and ready for her at least half dozen times now, but she never had his dick this close to her face, much less about to enter her mouth.

So she started with the things she already knew how to do. Spitting on her hand, she wrapped it around his member, slowly going up and down his length, feeling it pulse in her palm, bringing her other hand to hold the head and run her thumb over the glans.

“Is it good?”

“Y-Yes...” He gasped, fingers sinking into the mattress.

Mihaela smirked, continuing to work her hands on him until he was fully erect. Once he was finally ready, she leaned closer to his member and stuck her tongue out. She started out with shy, contained cat licks, feeling the salty taste of precum for the first time, finding it more appealing than she thought she would.

Above her, Adrian whimpers, fighting an inner battle not to grab her by her hair and push his cock inside her mouth at once, constantly reminding himself that he shouldn’t rush things and ruin her first experience giving him head. His dear love wasn’t doing it just for him after all, he could tell how much it was turning her on given the way she was pressing her legs together.

“Promise me you’ll tell me if I do it wrong.” She plead in half excitement, half wariness,

“I promise. But worry not, honey, just do what feels natural to you.”

Assured by his sweet words, Mihaela opened her mouth and wrapped her lips around the head of his cock. She slightly stuck her tongue out again, trying to coordinate the sucking with circling movements.

“Watch y-your... teeth!” He warned between moans, reminding her that she had fangs as sharp as his.

Mihaela managed a half nod, retracting her lips over her teeth in order not to hurt him as she lowered her head down to his shaft. A drop of saliva ran down her chin as she took more of him in her mouth, her eyes tearing up a little, but the sensation was not unpleasant at all, the throbbing of his dick on her tongue, brushing against her cheek walls caused her to grow wet, it would have damped her undies had she been wearing any.

“Fuck!” Adrian cursed, his tip was so close to hitting her throat that he struggled to speak. “Keep going, love, you’re doing so well...”

His praise made her clench around nothing, and she lowered her head more and more until she took all of his member, choking when it reached her throat. Adrian was quite big when he was hard, it had her doubting if she’d be able to take him in her virgin cunt the first time they had sex, but he fucked her so good she barely felt the pain of her broken maidenhead. She could only hope it would be the case again.

Mihaela held back the reflex of letting go of him to catch her breath, holding onto his knees to keep control of her actions, but Adrian gently pushed her off of him the moment he noticed her struggle.

“Are you alright, my love?”

Mihaela gasped, catching her breath. “Yes, I’m fine… I just need to learn how to breathe with my mouth stuffed.”

He couldn’t say if she meant to sound so obscene, but he groaned in pleasure, not resisting the urge to grasp at her hair when she wrapped her lips around his cock again. He didn’t try to move her head at the pace he desired, he merely held the big brown curls he was so in love with as he watched her getting the hang of it, as she slowly sucked and licked all over his member, taking him deeper in her throat each time.

Her name escaped his lips like a prayer, the vision beneath him could make him come at the spot. Her chin was wet with saliva and precum, her nipples stiff and peeking through the thin fabric of her chemise, her digits pressing on his thighs and her toes curling in need.

“Darling...” Adrian moaned, struggling to keep his hips still instead of moving it against her mouth. “I… I need...”

She let go of his cock with an indecent pop noise. “Do it.” She begged, guessing what he wanted. “I can take it, I promise.”

He threw his last bit of control through the window and used his hold on her hair to push her face against his dick, moving his hips against her mouth once she had him back inside.

Mihaela clawed at Adrian’s thighs, both for balance and trying to endure the initial discomfort of being face fucked. Warm tears ran down her cheek as his tip hitted the back of her throat over and over again, but the look on her hazel eyes as she choked on him made it clear how much she was enjoying it. She loved when he lost control, when his mind was so clouded by pleasure and his only coherent thought was to rail her.

Adrian got up and tilted her head in a better angle for him to use her mouth, one of his hands moving to wrap around her neck, to feel how deep she was taking him, all the while he moaned and said he was sorry for being so harsh, but since she gave no indication that she wanted him to stop, he didn’t. He pushed his dick in and out until his legs were shaking and his seed spilling on her tongue.

He tried to pull out and jerk himself into oblivion, not wanting to make her swallow cum in her first time sucking him, but Adrian failed miserably at the task, he only managed to withdraw after the last drop came out.

Mihaela coughed and gasped for air, swallowing everything he gave her, breathing heavily as Adrian watched her with both worry and satisfaction. He sat back on the bed and took her face in his hands, gently running his thumb over her lips.

“You’re alright?”

“… yes.” She answered, her breath slowly going back to normal. “Was I good?”

Adrian chuckled. “Do you really need to ask, my love?”

She laughed with him, placing a kiss on his thumb and resting her head on his lap, and his hands immediately found their way to caress her scalp.

“But we’re not done yet.”

She arched her brow, wasn’t he satisfied yet? “No?”

“No.” He smirked, his mind bubbling with unholy thoughts. Adrian pulled her up to her feet only to push on the bed right after. Mihaela bit on her lip with anticipation as she watched him grab her knees to spread her legs open, exposing her already soaked warmth. “Now it’s your turn.”

And the night was only getting started.

[verysium]

I’ve been seeing some discourse around twitter about the blue lock boys and whether they’d be a loyal bf or not 😭 Curious to know who do you think would be more inclined to cheat or who just wouldn’t at all!!!

I saw someone say sae would 100% cheat like whattt I feel like he wouldn’t even bother looking at anyone else if he already has someone (Cuz I mean dating him would likely mean you actually mean something to him) but I digress

ok anon you had me pulling up a whole argumentative essay here cus WHO TF SAID SAE WOULD 100% CHEAT??? 😔 that mischaracterization is so painfully inaccurate. twitter really took the whole emotionally unavailable itoshi archetype and ran with it. let me just clear the air here because my man deserves some explanation.

sae itoshi would not cheat. as in capital N and capital O. he took nearly an entire decade off his life just to work on his own issues and finally form a functional and healthy relationship with another human being. and you're telling me he's just going to let all that wash down the drain for someone else? 😒 twitter logic really be showing its illogical side here. apparently a man can be loyal to a professional sports career for eighteen years, but he can't be loyal to his significant other.

i think this misunderstanding probably happened cus of shidou. people read the manga and saw that sae dropped rin for a bug-eyed freak and automatically assumed he was disloyal. 😑 let me just say two things here:

(1) sae and shidou's relationship is strictly professional. imagine being stuck in an god awful corporate office with coworkers who bore you with their weaponized incompetence and a boss who annoys the living shit out of you. and then one day, the company hires a new recruit who is probably the most unhinged and debauched creature known to man. you're probably left wondering how he even got hired in the first place. but then you find out...he's useful. he takes risks and gets a high return on what he invests. it's impulsive and stupid, really. but at least it's unconventional and outside-the-box. he has your interest piqued. that's basically sae and shidou in a nutshell.

(2) just because sae gave shidou his number after the u-20 game does NOT mean he would do the same to any other person who would try to encroach on your relationship. and let's be real here. sae would get one text from shidou and block his contact.

anyways, here is my analysis on the bllk boys in general. introducing the anti-cheating to pro-cheating spectrum:

(A) cannot cheat under any circumstance (as in they already hate the fact that they live on a planet with 8.1 billion other people who are not you):

itoshi brothers (atp they don't even have the physical or mental capacity to entertain a third party), ness, reo

(B) cannot cheat due to physical incapability (literally cannot pull anyone within a five-meter radius to cheat with):

ego, igarashi, raichi, bachira (not that he's in any way unattractive...it's just...i feel like he would purposefully act weird to drive off people who aren't you)

(C) could not cheat (basically option A and B but less problematic version)

yukimiya, barou, kunigami, noa, loki, gagamaru, chigiri, niko, hiori, karasu (baby boy literally felt inferior cus his crush was the cutest in his class), kurona (head empty, just you)

(D) would not cheat (on you but everyone else is not included)

isagi (unintentionally a homewrecker to others but would never let anyone homewreck his relationship with you), leonardo (idk why but i just don't trust him entirely)

(E) could cheat (depends on what they get out of it):

kaiser, shidou (honestly what did you expect when you willingly dated a blonde man...)

(F) would cheat (either proven by canon or they accidentally fucked up somehow):

otoya, oliver, nagi

[l0vema]

Satiable

Synopsis: you and hoshi were happy. Mostly. But why does it seem like hoshi doesn't crave for more like you?

A/n: it's kinda long srry >_<

Dating hoshi was fun. There was never a dull moment. He took you on dates and made you ugly laugh over dinner with his dumb jokes and embarrassing moments. You were happy.

That doesn't mean you were completely satisfied with the relationship. It'd been 4 months and you've emotionally broken down speaking about your past, you've cried with laughter and slept with utmost comfortability but still, not enough. You weren't a degenerate but sometimes hoshi made you feel like one. There were times you'd just look at him talking to woozi and imagine dragging him to a room. Watched him come to your house post practice all sweaty and hot and your mind flashed with the image of sucking him off, making him feel so good he passed out. The night before he went abroad he'd bring you his stuffed animals to keep you company and you just wanted him to sink into you and make him yours.

Maybe you were a degenerate.

But intimacy comes in many forms and sex is the only one you hadn't explored with hoshi. You were at your breaking point tonight. Literally trembling at the sight of him. You might as well blurt it out " I want you to fuck me." But he'd think you were joking or something or maybe he won't be into it. What other reason has he not brought it up for 4 MONTHS. He's already said he loved you (even though you didn't respond despite feeling the bloom in your chest when you thought of him. It's scary to confess your heart to someone considering your past) Maybe your silence as he said "you don't have to reply I just...need you to know" was why he never initiated anything past a little makeout session.

Right now you look up at him as he talks to vernon about something (you do not care about what they're saying) He just looks so good with his black hair, his undercut really suits him. You just want to sink your nails in as he makes you see-

You sigh and rub your temple. You need to get yourself together, especially in public. You thank God for your darker complexion. You'd be shockingly red if not.

Stuck in your mental struggle you don't notice seungkwan sit next to you until he whispers "what's up with you? Hoshi not treating you right?" Now was not the time to make this joke, you thought.

To try and get in on it you smile a little "you'd be surprised". To which he laughs and shoves you a little. It has always been easy to get along with hoshi's friends, especially seugnkwan. If only they could tell the man to keep his girl sated. That sounds like something scoups could do but alas, here you are.

There is conversation around you but you don't really engage. Too busy staring hoshi down. He looks good, as always. Dressed in a white striped button down (a/n: that one live, yall know what I'm talking abt). You just want to tear it off him.

You'd seen his body when you cuddle on hot nights but don't want to let go of each other. You'd made your thoughts on it known with a blunt "your built. It's hot"

You'd learnt to be blunt with hoshi, otherwise he'd never connect the dots on how you really felt.

Even being blunt didn't work the way you wished it to.

"Hey, seungkwan said you aren't feeling yourself. What's wrong?" Hoshi's smooth voice intercepted your thoughts. Looking at the evident concern in his eyes made your heart grow. If only you could gather the courage "I love you and I want you to fuck me." All these thoughts would disappear, you'd get some clarity on whether he was taking it slow or if he didn't want you in that way.

"You....huh?" Was what made your heart stop and drop to the depths of the earth. Hoshi's eyes were wide, eyebrows raised. "Nothing. Huh? I think scoups is calling you babe. You should go." You hadn't realised you said your thoughts out loud. "Babe..." his soft tone made everything worse. You groaned and stuff your face in your hands. Kill me now was the only thought left in your stupid head.

"I'm sorry forget what I said this is not how I wanted to say I love you I'm sorry I just ughhh-" you mumbled through your fingers.

"Let's go home babe." Was all he said before interlocking your fingers and walking towards his car. Your heart had never been beating so hard, even when you first confessed to him. This must be a medical issue. The air was getting thinner too. This was why you never admitted your feelings. The relationship was good, you were happy. "Relax, breathe. What's wrong?" He held onto your shoulders. You didn't realise you were hyperventilating. After a few minutes in silence and with normal breathing you managed to look up at him and his beautiful eyes and face "I'm sorry for what I said. It wasn't appropriate. I get we're taking everything slow and all."

Silence.

You look down afraid of whatever he'll say that will rip your heart out. "Don't be sorry. I'd been waiting for you to come around I didn't want you to feel pressured. I told you this much when I said it first."

Of course he only heard the I love you. I mean that's what you wanted...you do love him.

"...and I was waiting for you to come to me in your own timing, it's not right to push someone to have sex, especially when you love them". His words made you pause. He wasn't disgusted by your physical appearance. He was taking his time cause he thought you wanted that. He does love you. (A/n: having sex has NOTHING to do with someone's love for you. Don't get it twisted, sometimes people just don't want to have sex)

You wrap your arms around his neck "I was so scared we were about to break up or something" you muffled out.

"I love you"

"I love you too"

Sweet whispered confessions that Aphrodite would envy.

Once you guys let go of one another hoshi began driving. It was a comfortable silence. You got home and he held the door for you. You changed into your designated big t shirt for whenever you stayed at his house. Got into the bed and stared at him. He was bare chested. God did you feel disgusting. You sigh and get under the covers.

"Babe..." he whispered and you just knew to turn towards him. "I love you so fucking much" you whisper before kissing him. It was as usual- he was rubbing up and down your hip, pushing you towards him, tongue prodding your lips. The prelude to what gets you lightheaded. "I love you..." he softly said as he trailed down your neck "babe..." you responded.

"I love you..." as he kissed down your shirt neck hole. "Babe..." you choke out before he puts one of your clothed nipples in his mouth. You began to breathe heavy, head clouded with the pleasure. This is the most he's ever done with you before.

"I did in fact hear you."

You barely processed what he said, too caught up in the bliss. His ministrations had you losing your breath. "I- i- pls-" was the only words that jumbled out. Hoshi continued to go down, slowly pushing your shirt up only to go on abusing your nipples, showing both equal love and affection. There were butterflies in your whole being. His open mouthed kisses led down your navel, his breath on your skin was hot and heightened the sensations.

"Can imwhhaaa-" took you out of the trance. "Huh babe?" You questioned, the fear of rejection thrumming back to life.

He detaches his mouth from you to kiss you once more before, "can I go down on you? I've dreamt of it for so long". Your heart fluttered at his words before nodding aggressively. Immediately he pulled your legs up and placed hot kisses on your calves, put hickeys on your thighs, before lowering himself to place an open mouth kiss onto your clit. The sudden stimulation took your breath away as your back arched off the bed. Hoshi scoffed out a laugh before licking from your hole to your clit- the whole act dizzying.

Then you feel his finger massaging your entrance. You moan into the pillow by your side. The whole thing was too much. As he sinks his finger into you, there are tears forming from how good you feel. It's been almost a year since you last touched yourself and the pent up tension has your stomach coiling up quicker than anticipated.

"Babe-" you can barely get it out before his finger brushes on the softest part of your insides. His mouth is still working hard licking and sucking till spit and arousal is dripping from his chin. It all feels too much. You're getting lightheaded. Your stomach is fluttering. Your breath is held. Muscles begin to tense up and your legs are trembling around his head. You grab onto his hair to ensure he does not stop. Not when you're in heaven. He moans into you making you moan a little louder. The sinking of your hands into his hair , the trembling legs the nasty dirty wetness you feel. It's all you had wanted. "Yes yes yes yes fuck yessss babe" was all that managed to escape your throat as your high steadily went down.

Once Hoshi got up his glistening lower face damn near brought you to orgasm all over again. He had this dark glint in his eye as he leaned over, finger still pumping you slowly, and kissed you. Mess and all. "You'll have a hard time stopping me from doing that all the time. Taste yourself on me. Fucking delicious."

You whined as his fingers started to speed up. "Babe fuck me already" was all you got out before he had you flipped- face pushed down ass up.

"You look better than I imagined, if only I knew how you'd wanted me. All that wasted time could've been put to good use" he groaned out as he rub himself on your folds, still slick with multiple different liquids. He pushed into you slowly before filling you up so good. You moan into the mattress falling deeper into the abyss that is loving hoshi.

He begins slow, watching you're every reaction to figure out what to keep doing before settling on it. You like fast and deep. He begins the rhythm that almost instantly has you clenching unbelievably tight around him. This goes on till your thighs are trembling once more. Your knees nearly give in. Hoshi grabs your elbows and pulls you flush against him as his dancer hips don't falter even once on the set rhythm. His deep moans in your hair have your eyes rolling back. Your second orgasm is closing in and you just stay there ready to be washed out into the sea of all things beautiful. The coil snaps and you feel a gush, you take a sharp breath and fall. Your head lands in a pillow while hoshi slows down but still goes deep. He is about to cum and grabs your ass to ground himself. "Inside me" you manage out weakly. There is no way you're ending the night with no creampie. He doesn't ask twice before unloading in you. The warmth has your eyes fluttering.

"I am so in love with you it's disgusting" you say out loud after a few moments to catch your breath. "Well I love you too" hoshi responds before kissing your temple. The silence is calm. You fall into contentment as his arms wrap you in his scent and warmth. You're in way too deep now, is what passes through your mind. Hoshi's eyes were shut as he pictured proposing to you, A tiger suit would be in order.

You both dozed off. Sated by love and sex.

L0ve, M.A

[concreteangel92]

Reuploaded!!

The original post wasn’t showing up in any of the tags, didn’t matter what I did so here we are again 🤣 sorry if it’s confusing anyone who had already liked it haha that one has now been deleted.

This one actually feels very personal for me, due to two abusive relationships, and my last one in particular, I’ve struggled to even have men near me in the last 3 years, let alone anything else, so this was very therapeutic for me to write so thank you haha and I hope you enjoy it 🖤

Noah Sebastian x female reader

18+

Warnings: smut, mention of abusive relationships and talks of trauma and PTSD but nothing graphic

The day had finally come, you’d married the love of your life and your soul mate.

The wedding had been perfect, you felt like a queen in your dress, all of your closest friends and family had been there to celebrate your day with you and nothing had gone wrong.

You were now in the bedroom of your shared apartment with Noah, however the butterflies you had in your stomach were now starting to feel like a heard of elephants stomping around.

You and Noah had been together a while now, but you’d never actually slept together. Most is fooled around and even that took time for you to feel comfortable enough to do it.

Unfortunately due to your past relationship which had been mentally and emotionally abusive, it had left you with too much trauma to be able to be physical with Noah, you just couldn’t allow someone to be that close to you anymore.

You felt so stupid most days, like it’s just Noah, you love him and he loves you, being with him should be something you jumped at but sadly every time you tried, you started to feel suffocated and claustrophobic and had to stop before you had a bad panic attack.

Noah fully knew your past and what this guy had done to you and was so understanding, he never pushed you to do anything, and when you did go slightly further then he always let you be in control, if you said stop then it stopped instantly.

You’d made the decision to wait until your wedding night to finally be fully intimate with him, something Noah was so respectful of.

And here you both were, still wearing your dress and suit and ready to spend the night together.

You’d be lying however if you said that you weren’t absolutely terrified, something Noah could clearly see.

“We don’t have to do anything tonight you know, if you’re not ready?”

You shook your head.

“No I am ready, I really want to…I’m just…scared”

Noah gave you a small smile and came and knelt down in front of you where you sat on the end of the bed and took your hands in his.

“Can you tell me what you’re frightened of?”

His voice was so gentle it made your heart swell. You took a moment to compose your thoughts.

“I guess it’s because, to be that close to someone again, means that it’s real…and then it hurts more when you’re gone”

“When I’m gone?”

You nodded slowly.

“Yeah it’s silly but after…him…I knew I could never go through that kind of heartache again…obviously at the time I saw my whole future with him and then it was ripped away from me and I…I just lost who I was completely after everything he did…until I met you. And I love you so much, I honestly do and I want to be with you so badly but yeah….I’m just scared that being intimate with you will make it harder if you suddenly didn’t want to be with me again”

Noah’s eyes softened and he raised your hands to give you a kiss on the back of it.

“I’m not going anywhere Y/N. You’re stuck with me now forever”

He showed his ring on his finger as he laughed lightly.

“You are the most beautiful, kind and funniest person I have ever met, you’re my best friend and I can’t wait for us to grow old together. If you want to wait then we will wait but if not, then I promise you are in complete control and we can go as slow or as fast as you want”

You smiled as you felt a couple tears fall from your eyes which Noah wiped away instantly.

“Can you…help me take off my dress?”

“Of course”

You stood up and turned around so Noah could unzip your dress from the back, you felt his fingers gently running along your skin as he went causing a small shiver to run up your spine.

Noah started to pull the dress away from your shoulders and you felt his lips ghosting over your skin as he did.

You felt your dress fall the floor and it pooled around your feet. Now although you were nervous, you had made sure you had a nice black lace underwear set on under your dress, just as a little surprise for Noah, so when you stepped out and then turned around, Noah’s eyes instantly went wide as he took in your appearance.

“Fuck me”

You giggled “isn’t that the point?”

Noah moved closer to you and lent down so he could press his lips onto yours.

“Do you want to get more comfortable on the bed?”

You nodded but started to help him slip his jacket and tie off. “Doesn’t feel right me being the only one half dressed”

Noah threw his jacket off to side and left his shirt unbuttoned so you could see all of the tattoos on his neck and chest, you smiled and slipped that off his shoulders before grabbing his hand and leading him to the side of the bed.

Once you were both comfortable, Noah lent in and started to kiss you. It was soft and gentle at first, no rush or sense of urgency, just simply enjoying the moment. You relaxed back onto the pillows and Noah settled down beside you, the warmth of his skin feeling comforting on yours and he slipped one hand behind you to cradle your neck while his other ran up and down your arm lightly.

The kiss soon started to become more passionate and Noah detached his lips from yours and started to kiss along your jaw and then onto your neck, your head moving to the side automatically for him.

Noah’s hand then played with the straps of the bra you were wearing as he kissed along your collarbones.

“Can I take this off?”

You whispered out the word yes and you arched your back up so Noah could reach round and undo the clasp and he pulled it away from your body.

You resisted the urge to bring your arms up and instead, kept one around his chest and the other lying on the sheets, your fingers tapping absently as you relaxed your muscles down.

Noah then lent down and flicked his tongue over one of your nipples before he sucked it into his mouth, his other hand coming up to help simulate your other breast. You could feel the ache forming into between your legs as Noah continued and switched his hand and mouth over.

You raised one of your knees up so your leg was bent and your hand ran through his soft hair which was tickling your skin.

Noah sensing that you were starting to need more, very slowly ran his fingers along your stomach and stopped when he reached your underwear, he lifted his head up so he could look into your eyes.

“May I?”

You nodded but Noah wanted more than that.

“I’ll need your words angel, I don’t want to misunderstand anything tonight”

You smiled and gave him your verbal consent, Noah sat back slightly and hooked his fingers into your underwear and he pulled them down and off your legs and discarded them next to the bed.

Seeing you all laid out and bare for him caused to stare at you as if you were the most beautiful sight he’d ever seen. His intense gaze definitely caused your cheeks to go warm and you felt your knees closing together, to which Noah placed his hands on them and stopped you from doing so.

“Please don’t hide from me, you’re so fucking beautiful Y/N, I can’t believe how lucky I am to have you”

“I’m definitely the lucky one”

Noah smiled and ran his fingers very slowly over your thighs but not going too close.

“Tell me what you want angel?”

The blush became even more prominent.

“Can you use your fingers and…eat me out please?”

Although you had done this with him before, this felt like the most intimate moment of your life, it was so different to anything you both had done before.

“I thought you’d never ask”

Noah settled himself in between your legs and placed soft kisses along your inner thigh while his other hand started to move up onto your hip.

You could feel your body becoming warmer as you moved your hips up to try and meet him.

Noah ran his tongue up your thigh once more and then he moved his head so he could then press his tongue onto your folds and licked your entrance slowly but firmly, causing you to let out a low moan of relief.

Your thighs started to close in slightly around Noah’s head as he continued to eat you out, it was passionate and it was almost like he wanted to saver every last second. That was the one thing about your husband, he loved making you feel amazing.

Noah moved his mouth up and you felt him run his fingers down until he slipped one in, the stretch of his fingers alone always felt amazing to you, you could only imagine what was coming.

“That feels really nice”

Noah hummed into your core as he found a steady rhythm with his hand while his continued to use his tongue on your clit, the pressure in your stomach was getting stronger, your body was starting to move on it’s on accord, your back arching off the bed and your hands held onto the back of his head and his hair, not being able to resist running your fingers through it.

But you knew you needed more, you wanted more.

“Noah…”

Noah instantly stopped what he was doing and lifted his head up, looking almost worried that he’d done something wrong.

“Are you ok? Do you want me to stop?”

You shook your head.

“No, I need you now please, I don’t want to wait anymore”

Noah gave you one last kiss and slipped his fingers out, the sound of how wet you were reaching your ears. Noah quickly took off the rest of his clothes and you saw how hard he’d become already.

Noah stayed between your legs and slide himself up so he was hovering over you, his chain swinging above your chest as he did.

You reached up one of your hands to his face and brought him down for a kiss while he lined himself up.

“Are you absolutely sure about this?”

You smiled and let out a small giggle before you responded with “yes I’m ready…so can you please fuck me now?”

Noah’s smile instantly hit his eyes as his head fell into your neck as he laughed.

“That I can do Mrs Davis”

Leaning down to kiss you again, you felt him start to push himself inside you. You felt an instant burn as he stretched you out, it had been a long time since you’d had anything bigger than his fingers inside but it felt wonderful.

You closed your eyes and groaned into his neck as you felt him slide in fully, Noah himself not being able to control his own moans.

“Oh my…you feel more incredible then I ever could have imagined”

Noah kept his arms caged around your head and shoulders and he started to move his hips, the feeling of being so full and turned on was almost too much.

The emotions you felt were borderline overwhelming, you felt so loved and safe and you knew that Noah had you.

You brought your legs up to wrap around his hips as he moved faster, a layer of sweat was forming over both your bodies and you tried to move you hips with him, starting to feel desperate for a release but at the same time, you never wanted this moment to end.

“Shit, it’s like you were made for me…you’re so fucking perfect” his praise caused you to clench around him more causing his hips to jolt slightly as he groaned into your neck.

“Do you like when I praise you baby? Because you’re doing so good for me right now, my perfect wife”

You felt the tears hot in the corners of your eyes, it was everything you dreamed of and more, you felt your high starting to build, your stomach muscles were becoming tense and you felt the need to try and move your hips against him.

“Noah…please…I need…”

Your words got lost in your throat as Noah thrusted his hips harder, he knew exactly what you needed.

“You want to cum for me angel?”

You gripped your hands onto his back, no doubt leaving nail marks in the process.

“Yes!”

Noah pulled his body away ever so slightly and reached his hand down to start rubbing hard, fast circles on your clit, not once breaking the movements of his hips slamming into yours.

“Come on angel, cum for me, I want to feel all of you”

You felt your stomach twist tightly until you felt a snap and your orgasm washed over you, your body shaking and arching up into Noah’s as your head fell back onto the pillow with a cry. Noah thrusted hard into you a few more times before you felt him empty himself inside you and his body weight came down onto yours.

You tried to catch your breath as Noah kept his face resting in the crook of your neck, his breath hot on your skin. Noah didn’t pull out and you kept your legs loosely hooked around his waist, not wanting to feel empty just yet, you needed him to stay.

Once he brought his head up, he stared into your eyes lovingly.

“Are you ok?”

You smiled a very content smile and nodded back, feeling another tear slide down your cheek.

“Yes, that was amazing, I felt so good. Thank you for waiting for me”

Noah brought his hand up to your face to gently caress your cheek and gave you a soft, tender kiss.

“I would wait forever for you angel”

[thenightisland]

in various conversations with my doctor about the insane life changing effect adhd meds have had on me one of the things he said was that it's not uncommon for people who have dysthymia/pervasive depressive disorder to have undiagnosed adhd at the root of the problem. and i think we forget that like. major depressive disorder is supposed to be something that eventually stops. it's episodic. like even people with depression very often are not in a state where it's just like. every day is a misery virtually nonstop for 15+ years. but with dysthymia/pdd it very much so is. which you can have pdd and mdd both at the same time too which is evil but anyway. it is wild enough conceptualizing that there is in fact a difference between the two things bc i very much so got depressed around age ten and just. never stopped. and when you live like that for the bulk of your life you just sort of get used to it? like it sucks but you just assume a degree of that is normal. so even on several antidepressants i never once aimed for "not depressed" i was always aiming for "mildly less miserable" i had just accepted that i would always be a degree of miserable and that my default was going to be feeling bad and if i was very lucky there might be a few days where i felt a little less bad now and then. the goal was "bearable misery" which is nuts to type out like wow! bleak!

anyway something i noticed when they started me on the adhd meds was that all the Racket in my head just. stopped. for weeks i just said to people "it's so quiet in there" because i didn't have dozens of loud competing fast thoughts all the time. and it took a while to pin down why this effect made me less depressed and worked better than literally any antidepressant had. and it's bc it /stopped thoughts/ and when i was depressed the Thoughts did not stop and they were not pleasant ones so i'd get stuck in these awful mental doom spirals and nothing i did would make it stop. and then this medicine made it stop. and it turns out it's much easier to not be sad when your brain doesn't have the Sad Channel turned up to high volume and is forcing you to deal with it clockwork-orange style. bc historically it was like oh god do we really have to do this again do we have to listen to the you will always be alone and unloved and nothing you do will ever be enough and your life will never be fulfilling in any way spiral again?? do we really have to i'm so tired. but now that channel is muted. a lot of channels have been muted. no amount of cbt/dbt techniques or various other therapy tactics had ever managed to mute those channels before.

and it's just insane it's like the thing about how stunned people with chronic pain are to learn that the normal amount of pain for someone to experience on an average day is none. it's just that but emotionally. bc even with the challenges i still have for autism reasons, most days now i'm fine. the emotional pain is zero on an average day. i now understand what people mean when they say "i'm having a bad day" bc there's a difference. but you see. all my days used to be bad. all of them. even the "good" days involved a degree of visceral emotional suffering and dread. and you don't realize how pervasive the bad is until the bad is the exception and not just an ordinary day.

i do not sit around consumed by the same thought patterns and doom spirals and mental quicksand now i'm just going about my day like an ordinary person and it's amazing how much less life /hurts/ and that's the only way i can think to put it is that every day used to hurt and it doesn't hurt now. past-me was incapable of conceptualizing a life where my baseline wasn't "profoundly and painfully sad and aching at all times" i was 100% prepared to just live like that forever!!!! and now if i have a bad day that's all it is an outlier i thought people in movies were just doing a bit when they had a "bad day" and the solution was just have a big piece of cake and cry a little and go to bed early and you'll feel better tomorrow bc i never felt better tomorrow! now i just feel better tomorrow if i have a bad day! most days the emotional pain scale is a 0/10.

like this is so long already but those of you who have been around for a long time you know how nuts this is for me. and i'm a firm believer in everything happens for a reason even bad things and for a few years i've been like huh wonder what the reason is for the whole getting beaten in the head thing though. well. it exacerbated the working memory issues. and it got on my goddamn nerves. so i asked to try this medicine so i could remember to get my soup out of the microwave. and then it fixed all the problems that have plagued me since i was a small child. and now i'm able to conceptualize a day to day life that isn't just Hurting all the time when i once thought i would never do anything but hurt.

[ridiculousn3sswrites]

Midterms, Mutual Pining, and a Meddling Roommate

*Zuko (ATLA) x GN!Reader

*Summary: Reader moves in with Sokka and his roommates when they transfer to their school. Why was one of them so cute?

*Warnings: Swearing, drinking, Sokka, emotionally awkward Zuko. Let me know if I missed anything!

*A/N: This one took a lot longer than it should have, shout out the Anon that requested this! Have I ever mentioned how much I love best friend Sokka?

Tip Jar

**********

Sometimes you questioned if moving in with your best friend was really worth it. You had grown up with Sokka and Katara, but when they moved off to college, you decided to stay back for a bit and just get some work done at the local community college. A couple years later here you were, your stuff packed into your car driving out to the apartment you were going to share with Sokka and his other roommates. You hadn’t officially met them yet, but they’d popped in to say hi a few times during your video calls with Sokka. You figured they couldn’t be that bad if Sokka lived with them.

But then you realized you actually had to live with Sokka. He was a great dude, but sometimes you wanted to throttle him. Like now, as you were trying to make dinner. “Sokka, I swear on the spirits that if you didn’t clean out the rice cooker last time I will end you!”

Sure enough, when you opened the rice cooker, there were clumps of old rice lining the bottom and stuck to the sides of the pot. You actually wanted to scream. Just as you started to throw a litany of curses out to the apartment, sure Sokka would hear you over whatever he was doing, the front door opened and one of your other roommates walked in.

“So I’m guessing dinner isn’t going well?” Zuko asked, closing the door behind him.

“I haven’t started yet, because someone didn’t clean out the rice cooker last time,” you called the last part out, hoping Sokka would hear. 

“Alright, you get started on whatever else you need. I’ll clean the rice cooker and get the rice started.” Zuko’s tone left no room for argument, so you just followed his directions. He quickly went about putting on his house shoes and putting his backpack down at the table, grabbing an apron before going to join you in the kitchen.

“You know, you really don’t have to. Like, I’ll complain about it a bit but I’m still fine with cleaning it,” you still tried to argue, even as you went to grab your ingredients from the fridge.

“Too late, I’m already washing it.” Sure enough, Zuko was already fighting to get the stuck on rice out of the pot and into the trash can.

“Didn’t know rich boy knew how to do that.”

“I literally work in my uncle’s tea shop. You know I know how to do dishes.” Zuko’s deadpan delivery without even sparing you a glance made you laugh, any irritation that you had at Sokka melting away for the moment.

You had to admit, you could definitely have worse roommates. Other than the occasional mess you expected from college dudes, they were honestly pretty chill and really considerate. Zuko, other than being rich, was honestly really chill and down to earth, which you really appreciated. He was quick to offer help with dinner or cleaning around the place, and he was mostly quiet. Aang was also sweet, and his two pets were honestly doing wonders for your mental health. You could only imagine how cathartic it would be to cry into Appa’s fur around finals time. The only downside you could really see to Aang was the fact that him and Sokka seemed to share a brain cell when the two of them were together. Actually, the three guys together all shared one brain cell when they were all together. Then there was Sokka. He was alright.

Kidding. If anything, you and Sokka had a sibling-like relationship. You spent your time complaining about him, but you knew if you really needed him, he’d cancel everything to just make sure you were okay. But when he didn’t clean up after himself, especially when he knew you’d need the things he’d used, well, you kind of wanted to kill him. It was all love though.

Cooking dinner went a lot quicker with Zuko helping you, and you had to admit, he was one of the only people you allowed in the kitchen while you were cooking. It was a big honor, not that he would admit that. Everything was great until Sokka finally came out of his and Aang’s room, and then you remembered just how annoyed you were with him.

“Oo, what’d you make? I’m starving, I was working on-”

“Fuck you, keep starving.”

“What’d I do?”

“You know what you did.”

**********

“Momo, I beg you to stop throwing shit off my shelves,” you whined, throwing your pillow over your eyes. You were trying to catch a nap, absolutely exhausted from the week you’d had. It was one of the few nights both Sokka and Aang were out, so that meant the house was quiet for once. Well, about as quiet as it could be with Momo deciding that he wanted to redecorate your shelves by throwing all your books and knickknacks down. You thought he would be nice and just take a nap with you, but you should’ve known better.

After about ten minutes of pleading with Momo - which was futile - you just got out of bed, grabbing your blanket and going off to search for a new place to nap. Your room was now compromised, and you didn’t even want to look at the mess was previously your nice and neat bookshelf. You figured the living room would be a safe bet, since Zuko normally hung out in his room, but you were surprised to see him just lounging on the sofa, scrolling through Netflix. “Oh, hey, I didn’t realize you were still here.”

“Yeah, I heard you arguing with Momo,” Zuko replied, looking back at you with a little smile. As if terrorizing you in your room wasn’t enough, Momo followed closely behind you, swatting at your blanket when you paused.

“He’s a dick, he wouldn’t let me nap. You mind if I hang out with you instead?”

“Go for it,” Zuko said, motioning to the open sofa beside him. You didn’t know if that was actually an offer to share the sofa, but it would definitely be more comfortable than the other chairs in the room, so you took him up on it. Sure, you were as close to the other arm of the sofa as you physically could be, but it was still on the same sofa. Momo opted instead to sit on one of the chairs, just watching you two. “You wanna watch anything?”

“I’m good with whatever, I’ll probably knock out anyways,” you told him, trying to hide your yawn. Zuko hummed in acknowledgement, going back to his browsing. You debated getting on your phone until you fell asleep and inevitably dropped it on your face, but instead opted to just watch him. There was something about the slight frown on his face as he tried to find something that piqued his interest - at least enough to stay put for a while. Or maybe it was the was he was completely casual, just in some black sweats and a random t shirt. Or maybe you needed to get some sleep, because why was he looking so-

“Alright, what’s going on?” Zuko asked, putting the remote down on the arm of the sofa beside him.

“What do you mean?” You weren’t sure if you should be grateful for him jolting you out of whatever spiral you were going down.

“You’re staring. What’s up?” You just decided that you weren’t grateful. Damn him and his directness. Well, not always direct, especially when he was uncomfortable.

“Nothing, sorry, I was just zoning out.”

“Okay, well zone out staring somewhere else.” You rolled your eyes at that before picking up a stuffed animal you’d won at the arcade and throwing it at him. Of course he caught it before it hit him, but you got your point across. “What the hell?”

“Stop being a dick!” Momo’s sudden loud meow interrupted the two of you, just enough to break whatever the hell was going on. As soon as you both shut up, Momo went about making the chair more comfortable for himself.

“Alright, I’m going to take a nap, pick something to watch.” You said, pulling your blanket tighter around yourself. Your exhaustion from earlier was coming back, and you just needed to close your eyes and maybe have whatever Zuko wanted to watch in the background and-

“And I’m telling you he definitely cheated!” Sokka’s voice rang through the apartment, paired with the sound of the door crashing open. 

“I think you’re just a sore loser,” Aang’s slightly calmer, but still pretty loud response came not long after. You shifted, not opening your eyes quite yet. You were hoping for the chance to go back to sleep, but there wasn’t much hope for that now that the others were here.

“Hey, can you guys shut up? They’re napping in here,” Zuko called out in a hushed tone.

“Why aren’t they in their room?” Sokka asked, his voice getting closer. “I thought they hated falling asleep in here.”

“Well, we did come in kind of loud,” Aang immediately sounded sheepish, which you definitely appreciated.

“And they tried napping in their room but Momo was being a terror,” Zuko explained further.

“Aw, but how? He’s sleeping so peacefully!”

“I believe it,” Sokka chimed in.

“Alright, so can you guys be quiet so they can finish taking their nap?”

“Since when did you get so invested in their sleep?” Sokka asked, probably leaning over the couch to look at Zuko closely. You just hoped he wouldn’t accidentally flip himself over the back of it. It wouldn’t be the first time.

“Just shut up already.”

**********

You’d hoped that whatever little demon had taken hold of you and made you find Zuko (more) attractive would die down eventually as you just continued living with him, but unfortunately it just grew stronger. So that’s how you ended here, with your council: Sokka, Katara, and Suki.

As soon as you guys got to the little diner and sat in your corner booth, you looked at them and took a deep breath to signal that you were ready to drop some news on them. Immediately Katara and Suki perked up, watching you closely.

”Alright, spill it,” Katara said after a moment of you all just looking at each other.

”Spill what?”

”Whatever you brought us here to talk about,” Suki chimed in.

”Yeah, should’ve known that you don’t just offer me free food for nothing.” Sokka said.

”I never offered you free food, I asked if you wanted to get food and you jumped at the chance,” you immediately corrected. Even if you loved Sokka like a brother, your wallet could not afford his appetite.

”Whatever, details, details. Now spill.”

”Do you guys think Zuko is cute?” You asked, trying to soften the blow.

”What?” they all asked at once, staring at you like you just suggested getting rid of Appa. 

“Damn, okay, guess not. I’ll shut up now.”

”No, you don’t get to do that! Why the hell did you ask that?” Katara asked, leaning across the table to look at you closer.

”Is this why you guys have been acting weird around each other? Did something happen between the two of you?” Sokka asked, not even giving you the chance to answer his sister.

”What? They’ve been acting weird around each other? Why didn’t you tell me?” Suki asked, turning to her boyfriend.

”I thought it was weird but didn’t really think anything of it! I figured we were all just burnt out from exams,” Sokka said with a shrug.

”Spirits, will you guys just let me answer?” You finally interrupted the chaos erupting around you. “And what, you’ve never thought Zuko was cute?”

“Well,” Katara trailed off for a second before shaking her head. “Actually, no. Can’t say I have.”

“I’m telling Aang you hesitated,” you tried to use her moment of weakness to your advantage.

“Shut up. Normal people don’t ask that question.”

“I refuse to believe no one here has found Zuko attractive.” You argued.

“We just got over it,” Sokka chimed in. Suki immediately shot him a look. “What? Am I supposed to lie and say the guy’s not objectively attractive?”

“I’ll take it.”

“No, that doesn’t end the conversation!” Suki said, lightly smacking her hand on the table. “Why are you asking that? Do you have a thing for him?”

“I don’t know, maybe? Like, he’s cute and he helps me around the apartment and we hang out when the others aren’t there-”

“I’m gonna stop you there. The second you have multiple ‘and’s going on, you’re trying to talk yourself out of something,” Katara said, taking a drink of her coffee. “You’re gross.”

“I never even said anything! I just asked if people thought he was cute.” You knew defending yourself was pointless, but you would still die before giving in to your friends.

“You’re basically asking us to validate you, and I’m not gonna do that for no reason.”

“I will,” Sokka shrugged. “If you wanna be delusional, go for it.”

“That’s the kind of support I’m looking for. Sokka, you’re my number one now.”

“Okay, but good luck getting him to keep his mouth shut. This is the same guy that spilled Aang’s crush to me within a week of knowing it.”

“Yeah, but it took him like a year to even realize Aang had a crush on you in the first place,” Suki tried defending her boyfriend.

“Thanks, babe. I think.”

**********

You could practically feel the effort Sokka was going through to not say anything about your crush on Zuko. Everytime Sokka walked in on the two of you hanging out, or cooking dinner, or even the one time you ran into each other on the walk home and came in at the same time, you could see his brain short circuit. He would either go silent, which Zuko noticed, or he would walk right out, which Zuko definitely noticed. He would look at you with a confused little frown, and you would try to ignore the way you immediately felt warm at it. You’d wave him off, and he would drop it normally.

And then finals ended, and you and your friends decided to have a night in, drinking and celebrating the end of classes. Aang was designated adult, so you all had the chance to let loose a little. You were on the couch next to Zuko, listening intently as he rambled on about something his sister had done when they were children. There was a little blush sitting high on his cheeks, the cider he’d been drinking in one hand (probably) the culprit. Maybe you were sitting a little closer than you should have for a purely platonic thing, but you used the excuse of Toph’s growing volume to validate it to yourself. You should’ve known things wouldn’t be this nice for too long, especially since you didn’t exactly know the last time you saw Sokka leave the kitchen.

As you started getting into a story from one of your classes - one that Zuko had definitely heard before, not that he would stop you - you turned to fully face Zuko. You trailed off, getting caught up in just looking at him. It really wasn’t fair that he was so pretty. He gave you a little shy smile, tilting his head in an unasked question. And then suddenly, your view of him was blocked by Sokka’s face. His hazy eyes met yours, and you could feel something was about to happen, but you didn’t exactly have the capacity to figure out just what is was. Before you could say anything, Zuko spoke up.

“Hey, buddy. What’s up?” Sokka turned his attention to the other man.

“Are you guys gonna get together yet or what?” He was so nonchalant about it that you almost missed the slight slur of his words. If you didn’t know better, you’d think he hadn’t touched a drop of alcohol all night. But you did know better, so you immediately started scanning the room for Suki, hoping she’d be able to rein in her boyfriend quickly.

“What’re you talking about?” Zuko asked with a nervous laugh. You stood, hoping that would give you a bit more visibility. Sure enough, you locked eyes with Suki. She took one look at the situation and handed her drink to Toph before grabbing a water bottle from the counter and making her way to you.

“Well, they have a giant crush on you and-” And just a second too late. Suki pulled Sokka back by the collar of his shirt, putting the water bottle in his hand.

“Sokka, honey, why don’t you drink this and leave them alone?”

“C’mon, I’m being like the best wingman!”

“You really aren’t,” Suki muttered, putting her arm around him. She then mouthed a sorry to you before redirecting Sokka back to a chair in the kitchen.

“Uh, well, I think it’s time for me to call it a night,” you said, reaching down to grab your phone from where it fell off your lap. Any buzz you’d been feeling was now completely gone and you just wanted to get out of there. Maybe just hide under the covers for a bit and watch YouTube.

“Oh. Uh,” Before Zuko could even start to form a response, you already started making your way to your room, waving goodnight to everyone you passed. As soon as you closed your door behind you, you allowed yourself to take a deep breath. You were so ready to end Sokka, but maybe there was still a way to salvage this. Sokka was way gone, so maybe you could explain it as drunken ramblings. But then what about your swift exit? And Suki saving you? You groaned, not really wanting to think about it any more. You could deal with this in the morning. You hoped Sokka’s hangover was terrible.

You went about getting ready for bed, shooing Momo off of your hoodie so you could put it on. Just as you were about to turn out the lights, there was a light knocking at your door. You looked to Momo like he would answer it, and then there were another couple knocks. “Hey, uh, it’s me.”

Of course Zuko would want to check on you. You took a breath, steadying yourself for a quick little explanation. Oh, hey. Yeah, I have no idea why Sokka said that. I’m really sorry if he made you uncomfortable. You’re covering dishes tomorrow, right?

You opened the door, half expecting Momo to barrel his way out of your room. “Hey, what’s up?”

“Can I come in? I don’t think you want everyone listening in,” Zuko asked, straight to the point. You stepped out of the way, letting him in. “So, uh, what Sokka said-”

“Listen, I’m really sorry about that,” you said, cutting him off. “Sokka’s pretty fucking gone right now and-”

“So, uh, was he telling the truth or just messing with me?”

“Wait, messing with you?”

“Uh, yeah?”

“Okay, uhm, I’m confused. Why would he be messing with you?”

“Well, this wasn’t exactly how I wanted things to go,” Zuko trailed off, looking around the room and finally settling on watching Momo sleep on your bed. “Momo comes in here a lot, huh?”

“Yeah, he knows he can bully me. So are you gonna tell me why Sokka would be messing with you?”

“Listen, don’t feel obligated or anything, and I get this is weird because we live together-”

“Zuko, please get to the point.”

“Sorry, sorry. I think you’re a cool person and I like hanging out with you, and I was talking to my uncle about it on the phone and Sokka kinda just barged into my room. I get if it’s weird since we live together, and I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable-”

“Oh my spirits, I’m an idiot,” you said. Zuko looked at you in confusion, waiting for you to elaborate. “How long ago was this? Zuko, remember when I took Sokka, Suki, and Katara out to dinner a bit ago?”

“Uh, yeah. Still a bit rude I didn’t get an invite.”

“You didn’t get an invite because we were talking about you. Wait, not in a bad way. It’s just I was starting to have a crush on you and I had no idea what to do about it so I called in the council to deliberate.”

“You’re really making that sound a lot more formal than it was.”

“That’s the part you’re stuck on?” After a few seconds, Zuko’s eyes widened in realization. “There you go.”

“Wait, you’re being serious?” Even in the dim light of your room, you could see the way his cheeks burned bright. His amazement was incredibly cute, and it took everything in you not to show it.

“Yeah, do I need to call Suki in here? She can back up what I’m saying.” 

“No!” Even Zuko seemed a bit surprised with how forceful that was. “I mean, no, it’s okay. I believe you. So, uh…”

“Right, uh. What now? This hasn’t actually happened to me before.”

“I don’t actually know.” The two of you stood a couple feet apart, trying to figure out what exactly this meant. You didn’t know what came over you, but you closed the distance, reaching for his hand. His touch was a bit hesitant at first, taking a second to relax his hand into yours. You looked up at him, yearning to touch him more.

“Can I kiss you? It’s okay if-” Zuko cut you off by pressing his lips to yours, the faint taste of the cider he’d been drinking earlier lingering. It was a quick little thing, leaving you wanting more. But you didn’t know if that would make you look desperate or not. He pulled back, and you didn’t know if the flush on his cheeks was new or still lingering from earlier.

“Sorry, I’d been wanting to do that for a bit and you gave me the okay.”

“Don’t apologize, it was nice.”

“Just nice?”

“Really nice.”

“I’ll take it. So, uh, do you want to go on like an actual date? With me?”

“Yeah, I would really like that. But what if things get weird?”

“We live with Sokka, it’s not like things can get much weirder.” And just as though Zuko had summoned him, there was pounding on your door.

“(Y/n)! I’m sorry! Please don’t hate me!” Sokka’s drunken pleading quickly followed. You could hear Suki trying to pull him away and couldn’t help but laugh. Maybe Zuko was right.

[je-lurk]

I'd love it if you elaborated on how Agatha's hair reflects her state of mind! I'm obsessed with that kind of character analysis and I have a vague idea how I think they're connected but I'd love to hear your thoughts! If you want to of course. : )

Hi! It took me a hot second, but since I hadn’t finished yesterday I thought I could add ep 4. Here are my ideas, hairstyle by hairstyle.

The beginning of the reflection comes from the idea that loose hair in ancient Rome or Greece represented madness (can’t actually find sources on this so take the historical accuracy with a grain of salt) and, in a lesser extent, grief.

In episode 1, we see mostly Detective Agnes. Detective Agnes wears her hair in a low, untidy ponytail. This is the easiest way to gather one’s hair to free up the face. It’s not even done properly. Obviously this echoes how this Agnes is neglecting herself, mostly through self-destructive behaviors. Still, her hair is collected, as is her mind. The situation makes sense for her.

Until it doesn’t, and Agatha frees herself of the past iterations of Agnes. It might be worth to note that all of these have at least stylized hairstyles. This is, to me, Wanda’s influence: the Agneses (as well as every other character in Westview) were not allowed to lose their mind. Detective Agnes, bearing alone the full brunt of Wanda’s power, even less.

Once rid of all her layers, Agatha is naked (rebirth) and her hair is loose (madness).

"Madness" in this case as in disorientation. Agatha’s brain is barely catching up with what’s happened and needs answers. She’s constantly off balance, mostly emotionally.

She spends most of episode 2 with loose braids, done on the fly but still slightly researched. She’s scrambling for control: control of her appearance, control of others, control of her mind.

With Lilia she actively changes her appearance, gathering her braids in a somewhat tight bun, secured with a stick. She attempts to look both different and more pulled together than she really is. This, as we all know, did not work.

Then she ends the episode with a classic updo, with hair piled on her head and framed with two strands, obviously elaborate. The very little time she had she used to prepare herself, both physically and mentally. Every last hair is secured (except for the two strands, we’re aiming for class, mystique and confidence, not stuck-up-bitch-efficiency) and every thought is in place. The plan is made. And the strands can act as a curtain. She’s never really without those hair that can get in her face (except when under Wanda’s control because she doesn’t have the wherewithal to do anything, much less hide and scheme).

Episode 3 sees Agatha with the same updo, although it changes once they enter the first trial.

Her hair is — I struggle to find another word for it — schooled. It is still "loose", but the kind of loose that is held together by cans of hairspray, with studied waves. Girl is holding together with dreams and a prayer. She looks like she is holding together at least. There is still this idea of vulnerability. She’ll be more understanding, more in touch with the others. Less good at deception. More vulnerable, more protective, towards her son (whose loss is, if not still raw, rawer because of Wanda), towards Teen. The front bang, if we can call it like that, is always between the ear and the eye. Again, a curtain. Curtain that she completely pushes back during her hallucination.

It is interesting to me how the hallucination only happens as she is plucking a hair. With all the hairspray it’s staying mid-air. This, with the hair carelessly pushed back, is the more disheveled we’ve seen her in this episode (yet). This is also the most open, emotional and raw we see her in the episode. Even when Teen said he would drink the wine in her stead was she more reserved.

She ends the episode in the updo of the beginning, though 3/4 ruined by the water (lot of stress in the preceding sequence, plan barely holding on). And then Sharon dies. There is something to the ruination of the most elegant and researched updo she did by herself. It recalls again the themes of mental vulnerability, loss of footing, loss of confidence, etc.

There is a little time between the end of episode 3 and the beginning of episode 4. They all dried, and Agatha took her hair down (it’s less ridiculous like this. It’s a conscious choice of appearance, too, she could have easily put her hair up with literally anything). I think it’s because she has really registered Sharon’s death (I’m calling bluff, though. First, because I love her, and second, because she looks too dead for having been dead this short). Even if she doesn’t want to show it, she cares about her and about her death. If she didn’t, she would have no issue assuming the responsibility. It’s not the first time she’s killed. But she shifts the blame elsewhere.

Then there’s Rio, and Agatha is feeling too much at the same time.

Second trial, loose hair, secured with a headband. I love how, as soon as Rio is involved, Agatha always has a loose component to her hairstyle (not counting episode 1 because she was Agnes). In this trial, Agatha is (mostly, we don’t forget Exposition Boy in this house, but hey, that’s what the loose part is for) pulled together: she plots, takes swings, and leadership, and support Alice. They finish the trial so much quicker and with minimal loss.

They get out, where Agatha immediately gets back her loose hair "style" and her emotions. She doesn’t even care to look too attached to Teen. She cries. I believe we’ve only seen her cry once before, in the hallucination. She gets careless, opens herself too much, begins to believe again (in Teen, in Rio) and only gets back a punch in the jaw ("What really happened to your son?") and in the plexus ("That boy isn’t yours". Come on Rio, she knows she’s entertaining delusions, leave her alone).

Tl;dr: It all boils down to hairstyle = control

Loose hair could represent a loss of control over her mental and emotional states, over others, and over her environment.

Styled hair/hair done could show her confidence (and/or the confidence she wants people to think she has), mental acuity, and general capability to think, plan, and plot (whether for her own benefit or that of her coven). In other words, her ability to control the situation.

[floweryvibes]

Puppet Darling - Part 4

Credit: Inspired by @wallflowers-in-the-wind’s post here.

Warning: angst, Rhysand being an asshole.

part 1 / part 2 / part 3 / part 5 / part 6 / part 7

Feyre took a deep, shuddering breath. Sharp claws tugged on the mating bond, demanding her to return. To stop this lunacy.

However, she did not give in. Continuing the journey through the forest connecting Summer to Spring. They had been on the move non stop for the past three days, having managed to finally reach the border on horseback. Feyre had feared Tarquin would make them walk but he had Varian give them three horses to use, as long as they set them free before entering Spring’s territory.

As the grass began becoming more lush and green, the trees taller, reaching to the sky, she stopped her horse, making sure Nyx was still secure in his baby sling. Nesta rode up beside her, Elain a couple steps behind.

“We should walk from this point.” Nesta hopped off her horse, taking Nyx from Feyre so that she could get down too. Elain stumbled off her horse.

“It would have been good to change before leaving.” the middle sister muttered, her puffy dress ruined from dirt and riding, “It’s not like I don’t have pants.”

“C’mon, I think you rock the look.” Nesta smirked, “It looks like you went gardening.”

Elain glared, “And you look like you just returned from the Illyrian mountains.”

Nesta’s smile fell.

“Guys!” Feyre quickly interjected, “We should go.”

Elain huffed, following after Feyre, with Nesta behind them.

The sun fell through the tree’s leaves, casting patterns of light and shadow on the mossy carpet they walked on. Nyx giggled, making Feyre look down.

He smiled up at her, wriggling his arms, trying to catch the fireflies that floated around.

The sun would soon set. Hopefully we can find a small village nearby and stay at a cheap inn.

To prevent getting discovered they’ve had Elain order the rooms since Nesta and Feyre were more likely to get recognized due to their positions in Night Court.

Nyx caught a firefly and stuck it in his mouth.

“Nyx, no!” Feyre quickly pulled his hand out, the beetle gone, “If you were that hungry you should have said something.”

He cooed.

Guess you have been trying to tell me, huh?

The sunlight shining through the tree branches was beginning to dim, casting an orange hue across the ground. Feyre gasped, grabbing at her side, letting out a curse as Rhysand tugged on the bond again. She could practically see his smirk as he took pleasure in the power he held over her.

Feyre sat down on a rock, taking another deep breath.

“Elain, Nesta, we’ll rest here for a bit.”

“But we just entered Spring.” Elain crossed her arms.

“I know but Nyx needs to eat and Rhysand keeps trying to reach me through the mating bond.”

Elain sighed, plopping down on a tree stump across from her.

Feyre took comfort in the fact that they were far enough away that even though her mental shield was weak, it was enough to prevent Rhysand from successfully entering her thoughts, or doing much damage through the bond.

Feyre pulled Nyx out of his wrap, letting him suckle.

“I am angry at you.” Nesta stated.

Feyre looked up at her from her spot.

“I am angry that you’re acting this way.” Nesta murmured, “You were always the strong one. You always had something to say, to retort back with.

Feyre didn’t respond.

“You had me trained to ensure I can fight and protect yet you couldn’t do the same in your little palace? To see you so weak…”

Feyre flinched at her sister’s words.

“It makes me angry.”

“Nesta I think you’re just emotionally constipated.” Elain mused.

“What the hell does that mean?”

“Well, you’re angry at everyone, all the time.”

“No I am not.”

“Oh yes you are.” Elain glared, “In fact I would say those Illyrian training camps only made you worse. Staying quiet doesn’t fix a shitty personality you know?”

“And planting flowers doesn’t absolve you from being a ship hopping sister.”

A branch snapped, making them all go quiet. Feyre quickly pulled down her shirt, shoving Nyx back into his sling.

“Did you hear that?” Elain whispered.

“I am ‘emotionally constipated’ not deaf Elain.” Nesta hissed.

“Both of you, be qui-”

“Well, well, well if it isn’t the High Lady of the Night Court herself.” a Spring faerie, dressed in armor and carrying a spike stepped out from behind a tree.

“Hello.” Feyre wasn’t sure what to say, “We’re just passing through. We mean no harm.”

“Like you meant no harm the last time you were here, right?” the male raised his spear, making the three sisters tense.

Nesta pulled out the small sword she had brought with her while Feyre readied to summon a ball of fire. Or at least try, considering her state.

“We don’t want to fight you. We’re just trying to get to the human lands.” Feyre explained.

“Likely story.” the sentry took a step forward, making them back up, “I won’t permit you to destroy Spring, again.”

Nesta took a step forward, “Then you accept death?”

“Ha, look at you. The moment things don’t go your way you resort to violence.” the sentry growled. 

“What’s going on here?” the familiar scent of crisp rain and the earth made Feyre spin around.

Tamlin leaned against an old oak tree, wearing a simple tunic, his hair messy, leaves sticking out of it.

“High Lord, these three entered our lands without permission.” the sentry reported, keeping his spear raised and pointed.

Tamlin hummed, looking at Feyre, “Why are you here?”

“We’re trying to get to the human lands.” Feyre said, not meeting his eyes.

“The human lands? Why is that? Grew tired of the lifestyle back in Night Court?” Tamlin smirked, “I highly doubt the human lands will be able to offer you something better.”

“No, we’re on the run from Rhysand. Please, you have to let us through.”

Tamlin was stunned, “You’re running from your mate?” his eyes quickly narrowed, “And I don’t have to do anything. If I should be doing anything in fact is informing your husband where his wife has run off to.”

“No!” Feyre’s panic spiked. 

Rhysand sensed it, immediately giving the bond an extra painful tug.

Feyre gritted her teeth, trying to keep it together. The only reason she wasn’t striking back was for fear of it giving away where they were. Or somehow landing her back under his control.

 “Please. Please don’t call Rhysand Tamlin.”

“Why not?”

“I told you, we’re running from him.”

“The question is the same, why?”

Feyre paused.

Would he believe her?

Tamlin looked at the sentry, “Escort them to an emissary meeting room, I will be leaving to get in touch with Night Court.”

“Wait no!” Feyre grabbed Tamlin’s arm.

The sentry let out a low hiss, and Nesta took another step forward with her small sword.

“I am running because he used his daemati powers on me.”

Tamlin stilled.

“He…he used them on me when I first left Spring and he’s kept me under for years.” Feyre felt a chill run down her spine at the reminder, “He fed me lines, actions and ideas, while I, or well…a part of me was forced to watch as he controlled my body.”

“A part of you?”

“He kept the bits he approved of at the surface. The parts of me that were willing to listen to him. The rest of me was locked away.”

Feyre didn’t want to speak of the first months after she had realized what was happening. His reaction when she confronted him. The isolation that followed. 

“No part of you should ever have wanted to listen to that bat bastard.” the guard glared, his anger unabiding.

“How do I know you’re telling me the truth?” Tamlin’s voice softened, but his eyes were still sharp.

Feyre tried to speak but only ylped as Rhysand tugged on the bond again.

Not now…

Feyre tried to breathe, her legs weakening as it felt like the rope that tied her to the High Lord of Night was on fire.

“Well?” Tamlin’s tone was impatient.

“You can corroborate it with Lucien if you wish.” Nesta spoke up, helping Feyre stay upright.

“Ha, and why should I believe Lucien?” Tamlin smirked.

He’s your friend. Though, perhaps after ‘my’ meddling not anymore.

“He said it was due to that bargain or whatever that Feyre made with Rhysand.” Nesta countered, “Surely you must be aware of it. You were under that mountain.”

Tamlin’s face darkened, “Of course I remember it, but that doesn’t change anything. Sure a bargain creates a connection between two individuals but it doesn’t give one an inherent ability to control the other’s actions. It’s more complicated than that.”

Nesta quickly tried to come up with another argument to convince him.

She pulled out her handkerchief, showing him the golden powder, “This. This disrupted Rhysand’s control over Feyre.”

Tamlin looked down at the powder, “It’s the same one that the Day Court faerie had on her clothes when she…”

“When she what?” Elain piped in, moving to stand by Nesta as the guard kept glaring at them.

“When she burst into the meeting amongst the High Lords. Then Rhysand coughed and Feyre randomly stood up.” Tamlin tried to touch the golden dust but Nesta pulled it away, pocketing it again.

“We simply want to reach the human lands and secure our safety.” Nests explained calmly, glancing at Feyre who was still trying to even out her breathing.

“Very well,” Tamlin conceded, “You may pass.”

“High Lo-” the sentry was cut off.

“However, I advise against it.” Tamlin glanced at Feyre, noticing how she leaned on Nesta for support, “Despite all of Vassa’s and Jurian’s progress the humans are still quite hateful towards fae. They will have no qualms killing you.”

Elain shivered.

“Instead, I suggest hiding in Autumn Court.”

“Autumn is run by Beron, he won’t house us.” Elain laughed.

“He won’t, but I will.” Tamlin offered.

“What?” Feyre croaked out.

“Stay in Spring, and I will secure you a hideout in Autumn.”

“Why would you do something like that?” Feyre asked quietly.

Tamlin didn’t respond immediately, watching the female before him, “It seems like the right thing to do.”

The sentry and the Archeron sisters exchanged a look of shock. 

“More importantly, how are you going to do that?” Nesta added, “Beron isn’t going to listen. Unless you're planning on hiding us in a cave, I am not sure what your plan is.”

“You let me worry about getting you into Autumn.” Tamlin pulled one of Feyre’s arms over his shoulders, “Instead focus on resting. You’ll need the energy.”

Tamlin had brought them to a small cottage in the heart of Spring Court’s forests, the sentry getting shut down and sent away when he tried to argue with his ruler’s decision.

“Make yourselves comfortable.” Tamlin stepped aside, letting them pass. 

The cottage was small but comfortable. A small stone fireplace rested in the center of the living room with two couches facing it, the connected kitchen housed a table and basic cooking supplies.

“The space is enchanted so you won’t be tracked.”

“Are you staying with us?” Nesta asked.

“No.” Tamlin shook his head, leaves falling out of his golden hair, “I have matters to attend to but I will visit.”

“How long do we have to stay here?” Elain sat down on a couch.

Tamlin narrowed his eyes, “You don’t have to stay here. It’s your choice to do so, leave if you want.”

Ha, it always came down to choice.

Tamlin turned back to the front door, casting Feyre one last glance, “Goodnight.”

The three sisters stood there in silence, Elain interrupting first, “Who wants the bath?”

“I want to bathe Nyx.” Feyre said, taking her son out of his wrap.

“I am going to see if there’s anything to eat.” Nesta headed for the kitchens, Elain trailing after her.

Feyre carried Nyx to the bath, letting him splash in the warm water as she scrubbed grime and dirt off of him.

Rhysand’s tugging of the bond softened.

It was scary how much he could tell about me by feelings alone. I didn’t try to reach out or send an image of Nyx, and yet he knew to be softer now.

Feyre didn’t want to admit it, but he knew her better than anyone.

Better than myself.

She could still sense his presence in the bond, but it was less rough. Beyond the jagged edges was the same gentleness that he had when he held Nyx. Or her.

Nyx splashed Feyre, bringing her back to the present. Feyre smiled mischievously, splashing her child back. Nyx laughed.

Oh that beautiful laugh. That sweet, freeing laugh.

The bond tugged with loving reproach.

No.

He tried again.

I said, no.

The active humming of the bond quieted, filling Feyre with anxiety. She quickly dried off Nyx, not cleaning herself as she left the bathroom to go check on her sisters.

Stepping out of the bathroom Feyre grabbed the wall for support, the bond coming to life, filled once again with the sounds of furious rage. 

His patience wore thin, clearly.

Feyre took a deep breath, forcing herself to move to one of the bedrooms.

“Feyre, Nesta made dinner!”

“I am not hungry.”

Elain cast her a worried look as her sister staggered into one of the bedrooms, shakily putting Nyx on a bed, “Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Did you even bathe?”

“No.”

“You should, I can watch Nyx.”

Feyre wasn’t sure if she wanted to. The idea that Rhysand sensed when she was taking care of their child frightened her.

Would he know when I was at my most vulnerable then?

Elain gave her a small push, wrapping Nyx up in a blanket, much to his displeasure, “Sorry Nyx, no fancy pajamas for you.”

Feyre hesitantly stepped back into the bathroom, double checking that all the soaps and towels were ready. She was stalling. Trying to prevent the inevitable.

Feyre took a deep breath, pulling off the dress she had run in. The lower parts of the fabric had torn, creating slits that had been revealing her legs. 

Made walking easier, but the mosquitoes were a pain to deal with.

She eased herself into the bath, refilling it with hot water.

Rhysand prodded at the bond, the tug a whisper this time. A pull of intimacy.

Feyre quickly began scrubbing her body, trying to distract herself from the neediness she could sense from her mate.

Rhys stroked the bond.

Feyre toppled out of the bathtub, scrambling into a corner, hyperventilating. Her eyes darted around the small room, as if expecting Rhys to jump out of the cupboard.

He’s not here. 

He cannot touch me.

She could almost feel his fingers on her, tracing her body.

He’s not here.

His hands wrapping around hers, forcing them up, leaving her exposed.

I am safe.

Feyre repeated the mantra, her nails digging into her skin to distract from the desire that permeated their mating bond.

A knock at the door startled her, and Rhysand, the bond quieting once again.

“Feyre? Are you alright in there?” Nesta’s voice sounded, muffled through the door.

“I am fine.” Feyre said, breathlessly. 

“Do you need help…?”

“No.” Feyre got up, drying herself off with a towel that turned a gray color due to all the dirt she didn’t wash off. 

She opened the door, coming face to face with Nesta, her hair down as she was ready to take a bath as well.

Nesta said nothing besides, “Is there a bucket or something in there?”

“I…yes. There is.” Feyre managed out.

Nesta nodded, walking past her sister, closing the door between them.

Now that she thought of it…she never got Nesta another way to clean herself properly, did she?

Is this what Nesta felt everytime she took a bath? That feeling of danger and vulnerability?

Feyre squeezed her eyes shut, urging her unfallen tears away.

I am such a horrible sister. I should have fought harder.

Rhysand offered comfort on his side of the bond but she didn’t accept it, walking back to the room she left Nyx and Elain in.

Elain had managed to get Nyx to settle down and sleep, carefully avoiding getting mud or leaves onto the bed from her dress.

“What were you doing in there?” Elain asked.

“What?”

“Well you weren’t washing clearly.” Elain gestured to her dirty hair.

“I am tired.” Feyre said simply.

Elain’s lips parted slightly in annoyance, but she didn’t say anything, leaving Feyre alone with Nyx.

Feyre got in bed, holding Nyx’s hand as he slept, listening to his soft breathing.

Beautiful baby.

She let out a small gasp as she felt Rhysand tug on the mating bond again.

Leave me alone, I am trying to sleep.

It only seemed to encourage the male as he pushed a wave of anger down the bond.

If you keep doing this you won’t get to sleep either.

It was clear that Rhysand didn’t care as he continued trying to get her attention through the thread that tied them together.

Feyre twisted and turned, the bond pulling her back from the verge of sleep every time she’d get close to passing out.

No rest for the wicked. 

Feyre laughed softly, preparing for a long, long night.

Next: Part 5

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