#like maybe i have to stop thinking well we just werent compatible or we just don't get along or whateger

[usercelestial]

°•°

[edwardslostalchemy]

Sometimes you just gotta leave people behind so you can heal. And it hurts to do it, but ultimately if it helps you in the long run, do it. Your life will be better and you will find better people, and the people that are already in your life will be there for you.

[brelione]

A Start (JJ X Reader X Rafe)

A Glitch In the System:Chapter Two

Chapter One

(Y/N)

You felt the slight itch on your arm, knowing there’d be messages written all across if you pulled up your sleeves.The car driving by slowed down ever so slightly, making you and Max speed up, taking a short cut down the hill.

 “Yeah, no.Im not down to get axe murdered unless its by Tessa Thompson.”They laughed, kicking the ground to make sure they werent too close to any puddles. “Can you get your lighter out, please?”They asked.You sighed, digging your hand into your pocket, pushing down so a faint light came from it.Thats when you noticed the words written all over your right hand. 

Im a slytherin+scorpio and my favorite food is oranges

Wow, good for them. “What?”Max asked, noticing you had stopped.They gripped your wrist, laughing at the messages. “Come on, you have to write back!What’s the worse that can happen?”They asked, beginning to walk quicker than usual.

Your house wasnt far, only a ten minute walk or so. “I dont want them to think that im interested, I dont want to get my heart broken.”You answered, holding your hand at the side of your lighter, seeing more words spread across your palm. 

“Its your soulmate!They literally cant break your heart-thats literally the whole point, dumb bitch.”They shook their head, their curls bouncing as they did so.You rolled your eyes, continuing your walk. 

“Yeah?So then why dont you write to yours, Maximus Prime?”You asked, hearing them sigh.You grinned to yourself, knowing that you had won. “Maybe I just dont have one, i dont know.Or they’re a sociopath and cant feel love so it doesnt work.”They replied, catching themselves on a tree branch after almost tripping on the large rock.

You sighed, dragging your foot along the dirt in front of you, hoping that you wouldnt fall into the stream again.It was only a few feet across and only a few inches deep but the brown water never came out of socks and gave the soles of your shoes an awful smell.

You found a twig on the ground, lighting the end of it. “(Y/N)-thats such a bad idea!You’re gonna set the whole forest on fire or something.”Max protested, watching anxiously as you tip toed on the wet rocks, getting onto the green grass at your end of the stream, waving the flaming twig in front of you.

You held the twig between your fingernails, the wood already burned halfway.Max sighed, carefully making their way across. “Can you put that out, please?”They asked.You laughed quietly, giving it a few harsh waves in the air before the flame went out, tossing what was left into the water. 

“You’re such a pussy.”You shook your head, making your way across the grass until you got to your fence, punching in the code so you could get into your backyard.The two of you made you way carefully across the yard, blindly reaching for the door knob and smacking the light switch to light up the kitchen.

Max immediately rushed to open a drawer, finding a green sharpie highlighter that was probably a couple years old before grabbing your arm and forcing you to sit down at your kitchen table.You rolled up your sleeves, showing off both of your arms for them to read.

 “One of them is in Slytherin?I dont see how that could work out.”They grumbled, opening the cap of the marker and rubbing the green ink against your skin to cross out the word.You sighed, listening to them rant about how you were lucky that you had options. 

“You should answer the questions.”They told you, handing you the sharpie.At this point they had crossed out slytherin, scorpio and oranges. “I mean...they’re a slytherin scorpio that likes citrus.That means that they’re a hot psychopath and you should just go for it.”They watched as you used the sharpie, pressing the tip of the marker against your skin to make finer lines.

You wrote your zodiac sign, eye color, favorite fruit.They hadnt left enough space for you to answer anything else.Max was watching intently, pouting when you stopped. “What are you doing?You guys are just getting to know eachother!”They exclaimed, wanting you to write more.

You laughed, pulling your sleeve back down. “The dumb whore didnt leave any space for me to write.”You answered, immediately feeling the light itch of more questions being written.

They simply sighed, grabbing a beer from your fridge and using their fingernails to open it. “But its a start.Can we please call JJ?Please?”They were practically begging you, taking a quick sip of beer before taking your phone from the pocket of your leather coat.

Rafe

Rafe sat anxiously, watching as green ink scribbled out the words along his palm.No words yet.He was trying to think of other things to ask or anything to break the ice.What was her name?What was her ideal first date?Did she like milk chocolate or dark chocolate?Did she like chocolate at all?

He twisted his arm, trying to see what she was writing.Her handwriting was a lot better than his for sure.Ward had complained multiple times that he still wrote like a toddler even on important documents and assignments.His eyebrows furrowed as he watched the name of her zodiac sign appear, reaching frantically for his phone to see if they were compatible.

Then she kept writing, answering the questions until there was barely any space left.His heart was thumping, taking a quick photo before rushing into his bathroom to scrub off the ink so he had a clean slate to write on.The green sharpie stayed, a few gaps between her words.

He dried it off as quick as he could so the ink wouldnt run before grabbing his crayola marker again to ask what her name was and where she was from and how old she was.He was laughing, a few tears falling from his eyes.

She was alive and she was out there and she was talking to him.He frowned when she didnt answer immediately but at least he knew that she was alive and well enough to write.That was a start.

(Y/N)

“Max!Now they’re asking more questions-im over this.”You placed the sharpie back down, seeing more marker spread across your arm.Max frowned, wanting to see the questions that they were writing before you covered it back up. 

“Well that sucks but that doesnt mean that JJ Maybank is like that!Lets at least try talking to JJ-maybe they wont ask as many questions.”Max replied, giving you a pout as they fluttered their long eyelashes at you.

You glared at them for a moment before finally giving in, typing the number from your arm into your phone. “What do I say?I cant exactly be like ‘oh yeah im your soulmate’ like thats so weird.”You sighed, staring at the screen.

They bit the inside of their cheeks, making a fish-like face. “Why would that be weird?They wrote their number so it only makes sense.”Max explained, getting up with the beer in their hand as they leaned over your shoulder.

You:Bitch.

Max smacked your arm. “Really?Come on!This is the person you’re gonna spend the rest of your life with and thats the first thing you’re gonna say to them?”They asked, sighing.

You couldnt understand why they cared so much about what you had to say to your soulmate when they couldnt even bring themselves to talk to theirs. “Yeah, it is.If we’re truly meant to be they’ll find it funny.”You shrugged, watching the screen and waiting for an answer.

JJ

JJ laughed at a stupid joke John.B had made, taking a sip of beer when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket.All of his friends were here and their phones were nowhere to be soon so who on earth was trying to talk to him?His eyebrows knit together as he pulled out his phone, unlocking it and seeing a message from an unknown number.

The pogues noticed his silence, watching him. “Guys-guys!”He exclaimed, standing up. “What?”Pope asked, not understanding what was going on or if he had somehow missed something. “I think my soulmate just texted me.”The blonde replied, staring at his phone.

Shouts came from the group, none of them really making sense but more of just excited squeaks and screams. “What’d they say?”John.B asked, grabbing JJ by the shoulders in attempts to see the phone. “They called me a bitch!”JJ exclaimed, jumping up and down.

 “ANSWER IT!”Kiara shouted, grabbing JJ’s wrist.He laughed, cheeks bright red.He typed quickly, deleting half of what he wrote before deleting the whole thing. 

“What are you saying?Use proper grammar and dont mess up!”Pope exclaimed, joining in on the attack on his friend, trying to see the screen past John.B and Kiara. “Is this my soulmate?”He sent it before his friends could judge his life choices, waiting anxiously for an answer. 

“Idk.Guess.”Was the answer he got. “What’d they say?”Kiara shouted, hurting his ears a bit. “Here!Read it!”He exclaimed, showing her the screen. “I wish mine would answer that quick.”Pope sighed, looking down at the silver ink across his wrist that hadnt gotten a reply yet. 

“Aww, dont be like that!They’ll answer eventually, took mine like five months to answer and I still dont know who the hell they are.”John.B patted his friend on the back. 

“I think you are.”JJ typed quickly, checking it over a few times before sending it.He saw a read reciept, three gray dots floating across his screen before a message finally came along with a slight vibration of his phone.

 “Then you’re right, Maybank.”He smiled at the message, sighing softly before sitting back down, all other things that he had been thinking about had quickly been forgotten. 

“So you know my name so can I know yours?”He typed quickly, not even caring about grammar.It made enough sense for someone to read it and understand the question.

(Y/N)

You showed Max the message, trying to figure out what to do.The way this one wrote was a lot better, not jumping straight into a ton of questions.Max was a grinning mess, watching as you typed. “(Y/N).”You typed back, heartbeat quickening as you sent it.

You waited for a reply, feeling a bit sick as you saw that they were typing. “Cool.So how are you?”They asked.You laughed, sighing.Every single day since you got your mark they had told you their name and their first question was to ask how you were.

It was pretty funny.But then again they could be just like you and not really care that much. “Are you gonna reply?”They asked, hugging you from behind.You sighed, looking up at them. “Im not going to now just to spite you.”You replied, feeling them squeeze you harder. “Thats such a dry question.”You replied, biting your bottom lip. 

JJ:Sorry lmao

JJ:If you could fly or breath underwater which would you choose

That was a much better question.

You:What makes you think I cant already fly?

Max was reading over your shoulder, brown eyes moving quickly. “Ask them their gender or for a picture of them or something.”They offered you a sip of their beer.You huffed, thinking about it.

Maybe one of your soulmates was a boy and the other was a girl or something like that.Could that even happen?Max would probably know but you didnt want to them to start ranting about every soulmate story and all the possibilities and percentages and death rates and theories.

JJ:Can you?

You:Nope.I’d rather breath underwater.

JJ:Why?

You thought about it.Neither really seemed like good options.The only superpower that would really matter woud be mind reading.That could get you everything you ever wanted and more.

You:Because swimming with whales and turtles would be fucking awesome like you could swim forever and get a fake mermaid tail and just vibe and sleep underwater and talk like imagine that though

JJ

“What are you guys talking about?”John.B asked, trying his best to keep up with the situation while Kiara started to make a whole pinterest board of first date and wedding ideas.

The pogues would all be lying if they said that they thought that JJ’s soulmate would ever answer.They were sure that they would be dead or something like that.But now that they were alive and well it changed everything.

 “Superpowers.”JJ replied, typing quickly. “right but if you can fly then you can go wherever you want whenever you want and your skin wouldnt wrinkle up like a raisin and when you got tired you could just catch a ride on a dragon or a plane or a hot air balloon or something and you would never have to worry about being on a plane and crashing or car crashes off of a cliff”he typed, hoping it wasnt too morbid.

He took in a deep breath, thinking of all the questions he had always wanted to ask.Where did they live?Did they like dogs or cats?Did they know how to surf?Did they prefer movies or TV shows?He didnt want to ask too many questions too fast. 

“But mermaids.”They replied.He simply smiled, letting out a soft sigh.He still knew pretty much nothing about (Y/N) but every relationship had to start somewhere.He was already thinking of nicknames to call them, trying to picture them in his mind.

Were they a boy or a girl?How tall were they?Did they have freckles or pierced ears?What kind of clothes did they wear?Would (Y/N) like him if they had just met him before knowing that they were soulmates?What was their type?Did he fit their type?Would they be dissapointed when they finally met him?

“Can I ask a quick question?doesnt matter if you answer or not just curious”He sent the message, tapping his foot nervously.His phone vibrated, bringing his attention back to the device.

 “just ask the question.”(Y/N) answered. “What’s your gender and pronouns”he typed back.He had always assumed his soulmate was a girl but he didnt want to be rude or disrespectful towards the person he was going to marry some day.

(Y/N)

You smiled at the message, showing Max. “Yeah, this one wins.”You told them, typing back. “She/her and I identify as a girl.You?”You typed back.You were still hoping for a girl but you could accept anyone who could respect gender and pronouns.That was a good sign.

 “He/him and I identify as a dude.Sorry if im not what you expected.”he typed back.It was pretty cool that he didnt just assume that you were a straight girl. “I was hoping for a cottagecore lesbian ngl.”You typed back, biting your fingernail with a stupid love sick smile.

You already liked him.He seemed pretty great so far.You just had to hope that he wasnt putting up a front. “Im sorry lmao I can learn to bake bread and put on a dress if you want.”He replied.You were a smiling mess as you read the message, showing it to Max.

 “See!I told you it was a good idea!”They grinned, pulling off their jacket before pulling off their shirt leaving them in just their binder and large jeans. “If its such a good idea then you need to talk to your soulmate and it’ll have a good outcome.”You answered, seeing them roll their eyes. “Dont contradict yourself, Max.”You replied, going back to typing. “We gotta live in a cottage at least.”You typed.

Rafe

He didnt know what he expected to happen.He always imagined it as the first conversation being perfect and meaningful and being able to say ‘i love you’ after a week and then meet up for a date.

He just wanted to know everything about her.He wondered what her hugs felt like or what her kisses would feel like against his neck or how she’d look in his clothes.

He thought back to the dates he had made up in his head every night before he went to bed.Going to midsummers together, going mini golfing or getting icecream together and eating it on the beach.

He just wanted to know what true and perfect love would feel like.Could he provide the love and care that she deserved?Was she meant to fix everything that was wrong with him or was she meant to teach him how to be the good person that he always wanted to be?

With a slightly shaky hand he dragged the tip of a pen along his skin, writing his phone number as nicely as possible.That would make things a lot easier for her.

JJ

By now all the pogues had fallen asleep inside of John.B’s house but JJ was still in the hammock, swinging back and forth as he held his hot phone, texting (Y/N) until the sun was rising and he couldnt get anymore answers.

That meant she was probably asleep and he should be too, letting the phone rest against his chest before slowly falling asleep.At earlier than 10 in the morning he was shaken awake by Kiara. 

“JJ!JJ!JJ!My soulmate wrote to me!”She exclaimed, showing her friend her arm that had a phone number and a name written on it in green highlighter.

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[davidpastrsnack]

buckle up besties, roommate anon is about to make you literally cry with this recap

(1) ok so. tyler’s family were scary but they ended up being so nice. when we first got there his brother asked me how much tyler paid me to be there 💀 tyler nudged him and said knock it off. then his brother said “well tyler, glad youre finally bringing a girl home” and his mom had come in just then. and scolded ty’s brother lol. his sister just said hi from the couch and ty went up to her and whispered something. and then they did a handshake which was so cute 🥺 i asked ty’s mom if she needed help with dinner. she took me up on that. it was nice talking to her. she was really sweet. we talked and even got to joking around. so thats good. ty’s dad came home in the meantime and said hi. he talked to me a bit too. ty’s sister was still a bit standoff-ish at dinner. she wasnt mean. just didnt really interact with me. she was the hardest to win over. but she did compliment my outfit. i appreciated that i changed three times she mentioned she needed new clothes for when school starts. i told her if she needed a shopping buddy to let me know. and she was like “really? can we go tomorrow?” and i looked at ty bc i had no clue what he had planned. and he sighed and was like “well i had plans to show her around tomorrow” and i gave him a look and he goes “but i guess we can do that after you guys get back” so next day i woke up before ty and got ready. then just sat there until he was up bc i was too scared to go downstairs alone lol. when we did go it was just his parents awake. his mom had me sit with them while ty made coffees lol. his mom told me they enjoyed having me here. and that tyler hasnt brought a girl over since his hs gf. who wasnt allowed to spend the night lol. and she told me he seemed really happy and…in l-word with me 🙈🙈🙈 oh and she said to not pay too much attention to his sister’s behavior bc she’s just jealous she’s not getting all of ty’s attention lmao. then later i took his sister shopping. we found a pair of earrings we both thought were cute so i bought myself and her a pair. she was really thankful and sweet. we ended up talking and she warmed up to me. especially when i said “you know youre just as amazing as tyler says” and she was like “what?” and i said “he talks about you all the time. i was really excited to meet you because he always says youre his best friend” i think she started to like me more after that. idk i tried to show her that im not stealing her brother from her lol. oh and me and her talked about boys and she mentioned this one guy. i was like oh is he cute and she blushed. i go omg do you have a crush on him. she was so red and told me i couldnt tell ty lol. when we got back though, ty’s brother had friends over. they were asking his sister who her friend was. she rolled her eyes lol. so sassy. then they were introducing themselves to me and ty’s brother was like “she’s not interested. she’s in college and is my brother’s girlfriend” i had to hold myself back from laughing that im in college came first and then ty’s gf. but in their introductions i learned that the boy ty’s sister has a crush on is her brother’s friend 🙈 oh girl. i gave her a look. she ran upstairs to put her stuff away lol.

(2) oh and during all this ty was at the store bc his mom sent him to run errands lol. so i chilled with her. helped her get some stuff ready since we were doing a cookout for dinner that night. ty finally came back. his mom shooed us out of the kitchen and told us to go have fun and then when we were putting on our shoes to go she yells “not too much fun though” 🙈 ty’s brother and his friends were snickering. high schoolers smh 🙈 so ty drove us and showed me around. it was fun. it was cute hearing his stories and memories and seeing how excited he got at some things. tbh i think i was giving him heart eyes more than i was looking around 🙈🙈 idk if i can explain it. just seeing him in his element. and a whole new level of relaxed and at home and domestic. idk. maybe youll get it 🙈 he also asked me how shopping with his sister went. so i told him about that minus her crush i aint a snitch. and i told him about his brothers comment lol. he goes “he’s so ridiculous he literally told his friend there was gonna be a college girl at his house. and he told me that you were too hot for me” that one made me giggle. ty said he smacked his brother for that one lol. i said “well i think you’re too hot for me. i mean look at you” he said “what the fuck are you talking about. i’m the luckiest guy in the world for managing to snag you” which 🥺🥺🥺 he was driving so i leaned over and kissed his cheek. bc it was so cute. and kate🙈🙈🙈 bestie 🙈🙈🙈 im only telling you this (and my other anon friends) bc i trust you guys. i havent told anyone else 🙈 but… i was really close to saying the three words to him 🙈🙈 really really close. but i got scared 🙈 it feels too soon. or that maybe its just in my head bc of what his mom said. idk.

(3) i maybe repeated some of this bc i forgot where i left off. we drove around some more. parked and walked around at a few stops. i maybe asked him about his hs gf 🙈 he said they werent really compatible and she was nice but they were better as friends and dated more bc of the pressure of dating. he was very open and honest about it though and that just made me more 🥺 we went to a park with a really nice overlook. then you have to walk through a forest and theres another more secluded one. we were going to kiss but i said “did you take all the girls here” and he said “no, i actually only ever came here alone. youre the only one” and i gave him a 🥺 look. he was a little pink. and i really really wanted to say it again 🙈 but i just kissed him instead. and then we made out 🙈🙈 for a decent amount of time actually. it felt like we were the ones in hs lol. then we were gonna go back. but our lips were a little swollen and red 🙈 so we went to get ice cream instead. then we went back to ty’s. his brother made a comment about us being gone for a while and was smirking. ty flicked him😭 oh and omg kate this was so cute 🥺 so they have these really cute lights in their backyard. his mom is super trendy lol. and they had music playing the whole time. eventually everyone went inside. they refused to let me help bc i had helped enough. i told ty i wanted to sit outside some more. it was so cute out there. the music was playing softly and i was cuddled up with ty and wearing his sweatshirt. it was a good vibe and i wanted to enjoy it.

(4) so we were sitting there quietly. he was just rubbing my shoulder with his thumb since his arm was around my shoulders. and then omg kate 🙈 this is so cheesy 🙈 thinking out loud by ed sheeran came on. ty got up and held his hand out. and asked “dance with me?” i had the biggest grin on my face and nodded. so we danced in his backyard 🙈 just like swayed back and forth nothing fancy. he was spinning me around and i was laughing. eventually we weren’t even dancing just laughing and swaying and trying to get each other to spin 🙈🙈🙈 until he finally pulled me in and we swayed again. i really almost said it again 🙈 but then he leaned down and kissed me. it was soft and sweet. we didnt stay out too long after that. but then we got ready for bed and stuff and he ran downstairs bc his brother used his phone charger and left it downstairs. and when he came back up he was so red. and i was like “are you good? did you just run a marathon or something?” and he flopped down on the bed next to me and groaned. he goes “my whole family saw that” and i said “saw what” and he goes “us dancing and the kiss. i just got hardcore roasted” and then i was like “oh” and he goes “my mom and sister think were adorable. my dad said i need to learn how to dance” which made me laugh. and then he goes “my brother told me my kissing game was weak and my mom glared at him and said it was respectful, which is how you should treat girls.” i hid my face in his chest and said ty this is so embarrassing. he said “your fault for laughing so hard it got their attention” but he said it jokingly lol. i said “maybe take your dads advice and learn to dance so i dont have to laugh” which made him laugh and squeeze my side. that made me squeal and i go oh no that was so loud. tyler was cracking up. but then he got serious and told me he was glad i was getting along with his family 🥺 he told me i fit with them well and that hes glad i was able to bond with his siblings, especially his sister 🥺🥺🥺

(4? 5? fuck i forgot again) and then today i woke up first before anyone else. so i threw on tyler’s sweatshirt and went and sat outside again. just enjoyed the morning. ty’s mom came out and asked me how i slept and all that. then told me she saw us two dancing last night. and she told me her son was clearly in l-word with me and then she smirked over her coffee mug and said “i think the feelings mutual” and took a sip of her drink. SHES SUCH A SAVAGE 🙈🙈🙈 i took a sip of my coffee just so i didnt have to respond and i could feel my whole face was on fire. but then she goes “you two are really sweet and im glad you make him so happy” and i said “he makes me happy too. you raised a great guy” and she smiled at me. then she told me stories about her and her husband meeting and stuff. and also about raising tyler. then his dad came out and brought breakfast. he also added in some stories. oh and his mom asked for my number and she sent me a few pictures she took of me and ty when we were sitting outside and when we were dancing 🙈🙈 idk how neither of us noticed them watching us through the window. but the pictures were cute. ty and his brother came downstairs and also ate with us. then ty and i went on a walk around their neighborhood which was nice and peaceful. when we got back we chilled with his family some more. his sister was awake too and asked me to help her with makeup. so we went to her room. and she was like “you and my brother are cute” 🥺 and she goes “that kiss was like a movie kiss” and i blushed 🙈 she told me how she hasnt had her first kiss and asked me about mine and stuff. it was kinda cute that she trusted me to like ask questions and be open. she was more open about her crush too and told me how he talked to her yesterday and gushed about how cute he was. i just let her go with it lol. and then she told me it was nice having a girl to talk to like a sister bc she cant talk to her brothers about that stuff 🥺🥺 so i told her if she ever wanted to talk she could reach out to me. so now she follows me on insta and has my number lol. then we sat with the fam again and had lunch and then it was time for ty and i to leave. everyone in his family gave me a hug 🥺 and they told me i should visit again 🥺 so it started off really scary but his family dynamic is so cute and they were all nice.

[kendrixtermina]

Now here's an all new theory for where the procrastination comes from

Like the uni councilors thought of like generic selfhate insecurity or like spineless ppl pleasing (nope an anime cured me of that when I was 13 - thst sounded more like what that ladys own problems might be), fear or failure & wanting to spite my father, eveb that getting ahead through "talent" was an unfair advantage bad tainted and evil, or that "talent" meant being beholden and controlled by others (definitely somewhat right - we worked on that, it helped, the second guy was defs much much more helpful & compatible cause he focussed a lot more on strategies than wannabe-maternal pep talks) but there was always something else there that wasnt getting touched

In tje end I dont think I have talent and in any case what really matters is attitude toward "living the examined life" for example whst you do. What you notice.

Now I did notice that things get harder to do precisely because I actually want them(whereas a lot of ppl get distracted from stuff because they dont really want it) - at the same time I can totally function or pick up new habits in day to day life its not like I have some "hardware problem" like, say, ADHD or the like.

Like of course its some emotional knot it couldnt be anything else but I feel they didnt identify what kind of knot? Certainly not that first lady. If im trying to get clarity and you give me reassuring pep talks you just freak me out more for the love of god tell me whats happening. Nothing worse when a Doctor says "it will be over soon" rather than explain the procedure

Fear of/ distraction from wanting itself never really occured to me thats not a common stereotypical fear that ppl talk about.

Let me get this straight I never thought I was better than anyone I knew very well that I'm not. I thought of both those things as ways not to get bullied, maybe get somewhere where I feel that im in the right place.

If I look back at really breaking experiences it was times I really really wanted something and then I couldnt do it or some outside party stepped on my fingers. That Tori Amos Music Video where she escapes from a psycho killer's trunk and then the passerby's dont help her? That was my most favorite music video in the world for years maybe still is.

Like I was told I could maybe skip third grade and I poured all my energy and passion and strenght into that everything I had to do well, make friends with the new class i was so highly motivated I aced all the exams I felt so happy & fulfilled just being in thst flow state all the time... i wanted this more than anything. Maybe it was the first time I really wanted something beyond vague dreams or base desires. But the homeroom teacher hated my guts and put the kibosh on that; Probably because I was unwittingly repeating some of the artogant classist shit my father spouts without realizing how hurtful it is. my parents thought it wasnt worth going to the higher ups for that but having to essentially redo 4th grade in a crap school in the different town we moved to was one of the worst times of my life. Also I didnt find out that the teacher had hated me/acted in a petty way until years after I thought I just failed. That there was a possible place I could have belonged but turns out I really belong nowhere after all.

All my effort was for nothing. It was such a joy - i mean these days even getting code to work or solving math problems has that same joy - but all that effort and joy and wanting did was that... im tearing up and searching for the words to even process this tbh. I think I denied that joy, told myself that I was just a stupud kid thinking I was a special snowflake. It didnt even matter.

Rather than insist on staying up late to make sure my homework was done I just stopped caring and hardly did another piece of homework in my life just faking it on the spot or coasting through. It could have gone another way maybe if it werent for the bullies and my father the chief bully or if only I was more determined but it was like "okay I dont care anymore I just dont care" and I think thats stayed my default response to dissapointment to this day.

This TV show didnt turn out like I wanted? I dont care its just a tv show.

My father treated be with hatred all my life? Its okay I dont care about him and I dont want his love anyway.

Like there were other times when I thought I could be happy.

Like I really wanted to go to this boarding school for gifted kids. Again I thought maybe incorrectly that this would be a place where I can belong and not be bullied it was never about being better than anyone.

Again I wanted it I clamored and cried and made noise nonstop. Maybe I still hadnt wholly lost contact with willpower back then. I still thought of myself as strong willed.

And my father made me regret it. It was around the same time that mom briefly considered divorce maybe I was just the stress valve. Or he took it personally as wanting to get away from him. Duh he abused me of course I wanted away from him. He was such a suffocating control freak! Mom said yes first then he spoke to her and suddenly she followed everything he said. Thats when I really realized how emotionally manipulative was how abusive... i mean one of my first conscious memories of him is thinking "oh crap I will be just like cinderella" but he really laid it on so thick so transparently even a 10 year old could tell its manipulation. If you do this you dont love your mom. If you do this you dont love your siblings. If you dont obey me your mom will kill herself. No she wont you jerk even my 2 year old self could tell youre abusive.

The most cruel thing he did was briefly say yes. Again I got so happy. So invested. Just bending all I was towards that even though he bombarded me with abuse and mental torture.

And then on the day we were supposed to leave he said no youre not going.

Maybe I actually did say I didnt want to go because of one time he was doing this constant scientology type torture on me

That same reaction: "I dont want it I dont want anything so please please let me be"

Ppl think of bad childhoods as a game that you win if yoz turn 18 -or 28 maybe - without killing yourself. But its not. Every year you live it can take away from your potential. Every day less than you have to live it

He sure didnt let me have sucess with his overcontrol and abuse. Anything I was proud of he rules. When I graduated from school with a fairly good but not perfevt final score he humiliated me. When I turned 18 he humiliated me. Everything I did was a burden even just feeding and washing me. Hed give me unwanted white elephant gifts then bitch about how giving them to me ruined his life cause he had to work so muxh "Ingrate Ingrate Ingrate" Butch I never asked for anything I want nothing!

But as I had to eat I did in fact have to ask things of him and I hated it so much.

No wonder that I turned out afraid of wanting things eh?

Hed seen some poster when we went to see tje school I wanted to go to - not by the school by an individual student - about the history of abortion portrayed in a positive way or at least that was his official reason why I couldnt go. Again I had wanted something badly with all my being and again all my being availed nothing. Irrelevant like I didnt exist. All my screaming gone unheard.

And this is so silly cause im not a child anymore I have control and if I were to stop procrastinating I could have money and gave even more control.

I havent even spoken to him in years now hes no longer relevant. Its not about him its about thus bad pattern I picked up.

I like how this books handles it with the idea that certain experiences dont create the type but that it nakes you uniquely suceotible to certain kinds of hurt or certain misunderstandings.

Because with all this discourse about bad message free media ive really come to think that while it can and should be minimized its not possible to eradicate cause human mibds are so quicl so fallible to extract overgeneralizations and make it mean something abput themselves

Like an immature statistical learning model easily overtrained by noisy data.

Another time I was nearly happy was when I started looking for work, doing my thesis...

Same pattern I was engaged, happy to be engaged talking to ppl at both work and in the uni work group loving it all so much...

my life had started to feel meaningful again. And it had gotten to that point in part because of my ex-fiance. Yes the councelling heloed taking up meditation helped, getting high on morning glory that one time helped a whole lot got more self esteem from that than I ever got from my father.

But that all started because of my ex fiance.

He was an i tellectual type and he had a sense of purpose about him like hes a legendary character and everyone around him became legendary too. And he found me useful! Others had called me "walking dictionary" with mockery and scorn he called me his google and it meant love and admiration. Maybe I got a bit of an ego trip off of tjat but I also really stupidly dumbtastically loved him I bragged of him to anyobe who listened everything he did seemed fascinating abd interesting and meaningful, but also I just loved the sweet gentle warmth of being next to him in the morning. Once again I was happy and everything was joyful even when it was hard, I felt strong and meaningful and useful and I let myself openly want things.

And then it all blew up. Worse yet i was so mistaken abozt him it really shook my confidence in my own judgement or any sense of clarity. I was si confused during the fucking breakup like I hadnt been since I left my father's house.

Google hah! More like his personal Alexa! It turns out he didnt respect or like me at all.

I couldnt even be sad or angry cause it was all my mistake. The one feeling I allowed - and even that took me weeks to identify - is dissapointment. Heavy leaden dissapointment i didnt even kniw that was a feeling you could feel so strongly. I didnt even do anything wrong you have to open yourself to have love. He could habe choosen to love me he just simply didnt. He probably thought he did but he wouldnt evebn do something as simple as not make fun of my voice or clean when I am sick.

Once he started putting me in the "wife" role he just became unable to see me. His loss really cause I think he wanted to keep me from all those annoying texts and email he had the nerve to write.

By all means I was right to trust but also right to leave later but still my sense of certainty and purpose and meaning was totally shaken. He did the sort of romantic stuff I didnt think was real. I knew I loved him when we had this conversation about water on mars. He got me the perfect books for my birthday! He said I was pretty and a genius and looked just like an actress. He got me this titanic esque heart pendant with stars. We were stuck at midnight in a train station that one time and he pulled out a picnic rug two plastic glasses and a shampain bottle. It never worked out but he said he might take me to see the LHC! I really thought we would be buried in the same hole folks!. He had read that same steven Hawkings book that I loved. One of the rather few books he actually read as I would find. Sigh.

And I fell right back into that same old pattern. Dont care about anything dont want anything it would be stuoid unrealistic and silly to want.

When I first came to uni I also had this feeling of hapiness and belongingness and wanting, I was putting in an effort, talking to ppl more.. and when things went wrong the slightest bit I pulled by hand back from that like from an open flame.

And here I am years later most the sucess or contact I get is comments on my fanfictions.

I thought I was doing that, or drawing, because its Stakes/Evaluation-free (going by the fear of failure theory) or because at least with the ffs gratification/payoff for effort is immediate compared to original stuff or uni work. Its a nice little niche at least.

I mean I do care about it its not "just" distraction but maybe ive been profaning it in that way... and so etimes I dont even do that and go for full unadulterated undebatable distraction; Line to 7 I guess. Tje only reason I spoke face to face to anyone else than the delivery guy this week is that I had some doctors appointments.

But not its distraction from stuff Im too lazy to do or even from pressure like I always thought. But from wanting things.

So the original fiction went great while it was a distraction from school not so much when its one of the things I most want and actually have the time to do it.

Even thought thats the most practiced skill I have that I never stopped working on since I was 10. 🤦‍♀️

I mean they already explained that its basically like meditation. Or weeds. Or popup ads. Youve got to click them away as they pop up.

I always told myself thst I didnt have to be happy... and thats not even untrue actually but it would sure be neat to be happy again one of these days.

[mars-the-4th-planet]

But thats gay tho

Yuri Gagarin woke up, after her first night having the Penny that was supposed to belong to Freedom Sayori but since Yuri Gagarin got her first, she recognized Yuri Gagarin as her owner.

Freedom Sayori was not pleased by this, and had gone off to complain to EA Robotics Headquarters Co™®© about the absurdity that was having a robot assign itself automatically to whoever opened the box, and to demand another one for free.

"Good Morning Yuri my best friend! I hope you slept well!"

"Nnngghhhh..." Yuri Gagarin groaned. She did not sleep particularly well, as she had nightmares of having her rocket break down in space and being trapped and unable to move out there in the black void, forever circling the sun.

"Wait... Um... Were you standing there the whole time Penny?"

"Yes! You told me to stand guard remember?"

"Oh.. See I thought..."

Penny hugged Yuri Gagarin. "I am happy too see you are awake finally!"

Yuri smiled a bit. "You werent just watching me the whole time were you?"

"I was, is that bad? A spider was about to crawl on you but I made it shoo. You looked beautiful sleeping, dont worry!"

"Thank you, I suppose? That is very strange... Weird that you could watch someone for hours on end."

Yuri Gagarin wiped drool off the side of her mouth, immensely doubting she looked beautiful as her hair was a huge purple tangled mass wrapping around her upper body. "Time to brush my hair... I hate doing it, my hair is so hard to make look nice." She grumbled.

Penny picked up a brush, and said: "Okay!"

Yuri Gagarin didnt mean she had to do it, but was pleasantly surprised that she interpretated it that way.

Some getting ready later, made much quicker with the help of her Penny, Yuri rolled out of her room. Freedom Sayori still wasnt back.

"Say, Yuri? Have you tried becoming Friends with Sayori? She seems nice!"

"No, she I have not. Okay once I did to trick her but in the end I was sorely beaten anyway..."

"You should be friends with her for REAL!" Penny suggested happily.

"N... No..." Yuri Gagarin muttered. "She and I are not compatible. She is the champion of freedom, and is so powerful, I am just a loser really. The soviet union does not even exist anymore, and I for one am no closer to bringing it back than I was when it first fell."

Penny put down a calculator. "According to my calculations, it is extremely unlikely that it will ever work... If you want my honest advice..."

Yuri Gagarin glared at her slightly... And then stopped and said "I do."

"Then I suggest giving up on the soviet union, Yuri! I think you would be better off trying to help Russia be the best it can be the way it is now! Modern Russia has done something the Soviet Union never could... Subjugate the United States president while he is still in office! And improve the standards of living for Russians! Think about it Yuri!"

Yuri Gagarin did not want to think about it, but she could not stand to deny it either since Penny was only telling her the truth. Maybe... Maybe it WAS time to let go of the past, and look to the future of her homeland instead. "Perhaps someday we will try socialism again, in a better way that works... Like what China has achieved..."

"Or maybe like Norway..."

"Or Sweden..."

"Or even Finla-"

KT-TSSHHHH

The sound of glass breaking filled the house. Kuusi Palaa slammed into the couch and lay there stunned.

"Hey! What are you doing here?!"

Kuusi Palaa seemed to be coming to her senses, slowly.

"Wait, Yuri. Give her time to recover okay?" Penny suggested.

A minute or so later and the Finn got up, only to realize then she had been placed in a cage.

"Kyarven taoji skalivaa da Monarcha en bitch." She explained.

Penny translated what she said to Yuri, minus the last word since Penny couldnt curse. And it was unnecessary anyway.

"That does sound bitchy." Yuri Gagarin agreed. "Why did you come to us though?"

Kuusi Palaa explained that sense Monarcha had ordered Kuusi Palaa to stop Yuri Gagarin from escaping, she assumed they were enemies and Kuusi Palaa wanted to switch sides.

She also added that she was almost out of fuel because using her rocket to smash through the glass and escape resulted in a tiny leak that drained the compressed alcoholic fuel that she relied on to fly. (Remember, her rocket is made of glass covered by foil.) Kuusi Palaa hoped that if she gave Yuri information, she would help her by fixing the leak and giving her more fuel.

Penny believed her but Yuri Gagarin was not so sure. She doubted Kuusi Palaa was trustworthy and doubted even more that Monarcha would try to eat her. Yuri Gagarin did not really consider Monarcha an enemy, or even a rival. So she didnt understand why she would go through the trouble of sending a Finland bottle rocket girl after her.

And so, Yuri Gagarin stuck the cage on a shelf. "You will stay there until I can confirm or deny what you claimed." Yuri Gagarin said.

Kuusi Palaa just shrugged, happy that she was in a relatively safe place where she would not end up unable to fly and get eaten by Monarcha. She was still shaking a bit from the close call.

"Now, Penny?"

"Yeah?"

"I think I will try to befriend sayori. After all, she does not like the current administration of the United States either so maybe she can compromise with me?"

"Yay!"

"Truly this day has been a day of discovery, much to my confusion I have been toss't into the midst of decisions and new information! Is my goal maybe too unreasonable? Must I reconsider my path? Perhaps so! Has Russia gone down a better path? It seems like it! Can I become friends with the beautiful Freedom Sayori by letting the past stay in the past? I think maybe I can! Can I bring forth socialism in America and Russia?! Maybe someday I will if I am not spending my life fighting Freedom Sayori!"

"I am so proud of you Yuri, my friend!" Penny hugged her tightly.

Yuri Gagarin responded to this by hugging her back and kissing the robot on her artifical lips. Yuri got romantically attached quickly to her friends, such was her way.

Kuusi Palaa whistled.

[dreamyaqua]

firstly i wanna say sorry for the delay cause im soo busy with my uni work and internship work so sorry for that ;__;

dont need to thank meeee!!! im so happy you're getting a lot of asks around astrology so you're improving yourself like you wanted!! i hope you dont get too overburdened, people sometimes take these accounts for granted and they somtimes leave nasty comments when you dont get to their question immediately or if something doesnt add up. dont take these to heart and just do you!!!

i totally relate to your virgo moon!! i have the same thought process!! my take is let people think im dumb, at least im TRYING to learn??

and omg thats sooooooooo sweet of you to think like that <33 and hahaha i guess you're really good at astrology than you thought??? and sangyeon is not even my bias but he's in my wrecker list - BUT he's definitely my ideal type among the boyz!! i realised i would like a caring, protective partner who can only give out affection and love and also be my best friend you know??? also i think he would love to babie his s/o right, he already manages 10 guys together lmaooo and he's a great uncle to his cute nephews too!! 

i can totally see us getting along well and he's so marriage material like you said - now i can only see him and i getting married :(( the only problem is we have an age different of 4 years now and we're gonna have a lottt of communication barriers for obvious reasons lmaoo but HEYYYYYY its LEE SANGYEON we're talking about??? i'd do anything for that man :'))) oh, the struggle of having good compatibility with your kpop boy but you cant date him :((((((((((((((((

hopefully i'll find someone with similar placements HAHAHA LMAOO

damn i guess we're more alike that i thought lmao! actually i can understand why, my signature sign is aquarius and you're an aquarius sun!!! lets be weird and eccentric together lmaooo whats your signature sign?

dont worry about how i feel rn currently!! i think, in some way, i've matured in many ways and i can still say no to things better than before. i've also healed from the past and i've forgiven those who have hurt me, it made me realise whom i should away with and whom i should hang out with more!! so thanks for asking!! :) damn libra stellium huh?? that's super cool and the 7th house rules relationships i've heard? what does your stellium mean in that respect? in case you're wondering, my 7th house is EMPTY ROFLLLLLL 

oh, i'm so sorry for your friend!! have they healed from their experiences??

omg you're too cute and kind jesus where have you been on tumblr all this time!! thanks for that btw...i realised you cant stop being a kind person just because of some shitty people. unfortunately the world is filled with shitty people than kind so you gotta adjust according to that! and besides if we werent so friendly and helpful i wouldnt find someone as nice as you!! c:

is that so???? oh shit lmaoo i mean i think thats good!!! and hell yeah!! lets be goners!! andddd i just checked again and no it isnt :( does conjuction mean having the same planet in the same sign? then yes it does (leo sun, leo venus) !! otherwise no :( my sun is in conjuntion with my mars tho!!! what does that mean?? :o 

nooo i love long replies :( it just shows you care and you want to talk and i love making friends and talking!! i actually had more questions, not related to myself but to know more about you!!

firstly where you from sweetcheeks?? and among the boys, who are you most compatible with and how?

i hope youre not surprised by this verryyyy long post and i hope you're doing okay!!! 

///

Omg it's fine don't worry!! May I ask what you're majoring in?^-^ I'm also currently busy with uni work, so I'm also sorry for the late answer🥺👉🏻👈🏻

Aww thank you so much for your sweet words!! So far, everyone has been nothing but kind to me but if a not so kind asks ever shows up, I'll try my best not to mind it. I do a lot of calculating for the ships, so I can't do too many at once and always make sure to take a rest and relax my mind^-^ I just want to do them thoroughly and to the best of my abilities and not just slack and say something~ but of course, I'll make sure not to overwork myself. I'd love to have a little astrology business someday, so I'm also glad for the practice^-^

Oof yes, you're so right!! I struggle a bit with caring too much about what other people think of me, I need to learn to be more nonchalant about it but it's so hard😭

Aww you're welcome and thank you so much!!🥺💞 I'm not so sure, haha, but it would be cool if I'm actually better than I think- And that's so sweet!! Who knows, he might bias-wreck you someday😌👉🏻👈🏻 but you're right, he's really a gentle and calm and sweet person, I think you'd feel so safe with him and he'd make sure to take care of you.🤧

Omg I feel that struggle so much!! But hey, at least we can dream about it, right?😭 I actually dream of my biases so much, it's ridiculous at this point. Do you also dream of idols/your biases?😂

Aww, I'm sure you'll find someone like that! There's plenty of fish out in the sea, maybe you'll find even someone who's even better for you🥺 so never give up hope~✨

And ohhh that makes so much sense!!🥺 I'm both Aquarius dominant and Aquarius is also my signature sign. Though, I must say something about it confuses me so much... I just can't really relate to it?? Either Aquarius is an extremely misunderstood sign or there's something in my chart that I haven't found yet that influences me differently...🤔 but yes, let's be eccentric and weird together, I'm always up for that😂

Ohh, I'm so glad to hear that!! Every step into the right direction is worth acknowledging and being proud of. We can't go from one extreme to the other overnight, so I'm really happy to hear you've already made progress!!🥺 And yes, my friend is also currently on that journey and protecting herself from toxic people!! A stellium in my 7th house means that a huge focus in my life will be (romantic) partnerships, with my sun being there, it could feel as if I'm incomplete without a relationship and that being in a relationship is part of my identity. With mercury in there, it means that communication is extremely important to me in a partnership and that I value intelligent partners. And I also have Uranus in there which is a bit meh because it brings an unconventional touch to it all, so basically it means that I could find myself suddenly getting into a relationship or a relationship that suddenly ends. With unconventional Uranus there, it could also mean having an unconventional partnership that doesn't follow traditional rules and that you might dislike the thought of marriage. And well, it also means divorce haha. But I can't really relate to that one as well, since I want a more traditional relationship and I'm not into more unconventional ways of dating... I fully relate to mercury there, I don't think I could ever be with someone that doesn't match with me on an intellectual level and the sun...well, it also fits, however, I'm not the type of person who jumps from one relationship to the other. I'm very careful with that and also have a fear of commitment, so I'm usually in an imaginary relationship with whoever I'm currently crushing on but at the same time, I'm also happy being single in real life^-^ And an empty 7th house is not bad at all!! It just means that either you don't put as much focus in that area of your life OR that you've already learned the lessons of the 7th house!!^-^

Aww omg you're so sweet, thank you so much!!😭🥺 I can only give it back💞 and I also agree with you!! It costs nothing to be kind and I often can't fathom, in blind naivety, how some people can be so cruel and lie to you with a straight face or something like that. I could never do that. I always say, and yes that's cliche but-, "I'm being kind because people haven't been kind to me." And since I know what it feels like to be treated unkindly, I don't want to do this to anyone else. Like you said, there's enough misery going on in the world, we really don't need to add on to it, and instead try our best to be a good person and be kind to others.❤

A conjunction is an aspect between two planets when they're less than 10° apart from each other. Depending on the planets involved, it can be a good thing or maybe not so good. Your sun being in conjunction with your mars (but out of sign, since your sun is in Leo and mars in Cancer), means that the qualities of these two planets are being enhanced by each other. With the sun and mars, it means you'd be energetic, courageous, fierce and assertive. You'd be passionate about asserting your identity - however since the two planets aren't in the same sign, these energies might not be as strong.🤔

Ahh I'm glad to hear that!! I struggle to keep myself short and always end up exchanging huge paragraphs with others😂👉🏻👈🏻

I'm from Switzerland, to answer your question^-^ and you?🥰💞 And as for who I'm most compatible with the boyz... omg tbh, if you calculate it differently you get slightly different results😂 I tried to be as inclusive as possible and that led me to believe I'm most compatible with: Kevin/Hyunjae/Juyeon, then Eric/Chanhee/Changmin/Younghoon, then Haknyeon/Jacob and least compatible with Sangyeon & Sunwoo (I'm sorry babes🤧).

Aww no, don't worry that's fine!!^-^ I'm still ill but it's slowly getting better🤒 I hope you're doing okay yourself and that you make sure not to get overworked!!🥺💞

[turntechhex]

all of them B)

Significant Other Asks.

okay its under the cut you shit

1. Tell the story about how you met.

the first time avi and i actually spoke was in a stream i was holding and i was just about to close it off because nobody popped in but then he did and then that lead to punk rock points 

2. Was it a gradual increase of trust and love, or was there a specific moment where you knew “I want to be with this person for a long time”?

it was gradual for me but it hit me that i wanted to love him

3. Describe their eyes. Describe their hands. Describe their laugh.

his eyes are really sensitive to the light so he wears his shades a lot but god when he takes them off i get to see his eyes

theyre red and kind of like mine but not in the freaky albino way like mine

his are a beautiful deep red and when i look close enough i can see the little flecks of whatever mixed in

his hands arent scarred and scabbed like mine theyre soft but with a slight toughness to them and when we intertwine our fingers i can really feel that and i love kissing his fingertips just to show him that

and his laugh

god his laugh

i never want to hear anything else

the way it bubbles up and his head falls and his smile is so wide its beautiful 

4. What’s your zodiac sign and mbti type? What about your partner’s? Do things like that reflect your actual compatibility or is it just bunch of bunk?

we are both the same sign and i dunno about that mbti stuff and i dont think any of it works for compatibility its kinda dumb

5. Are you long distance? Have you met in person before? When do you get to see them again?

we live together

6. Tell me a story about a happy experience you two shared. Something that makes your heart warm whenever you think about it.

i had lit a bunch of fancy rose candles and turned out the lights and we just showered each other with so many kisses and then fell asleep together smiling stupidly it was nice 

7. Tell me a funny story. Did they do something silly? Did you do something silly? Talk about your inside jokes.

he always does something silly

he has this silly smile when he falls asleep and apparently when i sleep i look “angry or apathetic as fuck”

sometimes he walks in when im shaving my legs early in the morning with my hair in a bunch of mini pony tails so i can see and he knows hes seen a demon

8. Are your families supportive? Does it matter if they’re not?

avi doesnt have much of a family other than his sister and i havent met her

and dirk and hal are all ive got and dirk is pretty supportive and i think hal is too 

if they werent it would hurt but i couldnt stop loving him yknow

9. Would you ever have a pet together? Do you already have one?

he has four cats and i have an owl

10. Do you have children together? If not, are you both interested in raising children some day?

we do not but maybe someday i havent really thought about it all too much

11. If they’re having a bad day, what do you do to help?

listen the best i can and do whatever i can

give him space if he needs it

hold him if he needs it

12. If you’re having a bad day, what do they do to help?

he listens 

fuck he listens

he lets me cry and yell or whatever i need to do and he helps me

he lets me talk to him

he is everything to me when im having a hard time 

he knows when to hold me and rub my back and hush me

he knows when to give me space and let me yell

he knows me so well

13. What’s something that your partner does that would be annoying if anyone else did it, but it’s cute when they do it?

he moves a lot in his sleep

he has grabbed my ass on more than one occasion

14. Have you ever went on a vacation or adventure together? Tell me about it. If not, do you have plans to do something fun in the future?

we drive out to the coast sometimes its fun just driving away so yes

15. What’s something that you learned about yourself because of being with your partner?

i learned that im allowed to be confident with my body and im beautiful and nothing anybody can say will crush that

i really started to stop wearing makeup to cover my spots because of him

16. What’s a piece of advice that your partner gave you that has resonated with you? 

“please dont ever talk about corpses in public again”

17. Which one of you kills the bugs (or captures the bugs and places them safely outside)?

me

18. Describe the perfect day with your partner. It can be something that’s already happened, or something that you plan to do.

like i mentioned before just driving out to the coast

both of us laughing the whole way there

his smile as he watches the road that reflects in his eyes

watching the sun set when we finally get there and we just leave the car by the road and nobodys on the beach anymore and i run out to the water with him and it was cold as fuck so we just sat in the sand and held each other and looked up at the moon and he was so beautiful like he is everyday

and then we reluctantly got into the car and drove home mostly in silence expect the whispers of i love you 

and we got back home and fell asleep with smiles on our faces it was perfect 

19. Do you prepare meals together? Does one person enjoy cooking more than the other?

i usually cook when we arent just having eggs

avi isnt the best cook >BP

20. What are the best restaurants to go to? Do you see movies at the theater? Do you do things like golf or bowling, just to bond more?

theres a really not too fancy nice one downtown that we like

we watch movies at home and dont do much of that stuff

21. Tell me about a time that you got into an argument over something silly. 

the ghost in the kitchen that insulted his butter spreading skills was being annoying 

22. Tell me about a time that you got into an argument over something serious. How did you compromise? What did you learn?

it was just about family shit it was dumb

we just ended talking

i learned that we both need to talk more and we do now

23. Is there a famous couple, fictional or otherwise, that reminds you (or other people) of you and your partner? 

not really

24. Do you have a shipname?

not that i know of

25. Do you two have a “song”? What is it and how did it become your song?

do we have a song 

26. Has your partner ever inspired something creative like your art, writing, etc?

ive painted him a few times and he helps me with colours and stuff when im stuck

27. Do you have extremely similar personalities and interests? Or extremely opposite? Or is it a balance that just makes sense? How do you try to better understand each other? Do you ever have to experience things you’re not interested in, or vice versa? 

we are pretty similar but other than that its just a good balance

we talk to each other

sometimes i suppose 

28. Has your partner ever changed one of your opinions on morals, politics, society, etc?

i dunno

29. Tell me about a time that you were really proud of them. 

his dance performance in january he worked so hard for that and i brought him roses afterwards and he did so good

30. Does physical affection and/or sexuality have a role in your relationship? Are both of your needs being respected and fulfilled? 

yes we both love physical shit and we make sure that its fulfilled and respected too

31. How often do you talk? On the phone, Skype, in person? Are you two the type that stays up too late because the conversation is too good to end?

we talk and text everyday

32. Talk about your sense of humor, and your partner’s. Do you laugh a lot together? Which one of you is funnier?

we laugh a lot of course

i dont know whos funnier

33. Is there anyone who doesn’t like the idea of your relationship? What’s the reason? How do you and your partner overcome disapproval from others?

not that i can think of

34. Have there been any hardships that have ultimately brought you closer than before?

yeah

there have

35. What’s their contact name in your phone?

my love 💕💕

36. Tell me about what your partner is good at. Are they an artist, are they good at math, do they play a sport, etc?

he is an amazing dancer

37. Get really sappy and gross for a moment. Be so gushy that your friends would groan in mock annoyance if you told them. What’s adorable about your partner? What makes your heart melt? What’s something cute that they did that you’ll always remember no matter what?

david rae strider

he is everything to me

he is my present and my future

he is the rest of my life

falling asleep next to him and waking up next to him is such a privilege and i feel like the luckiest goddamn man in the world to be able to love him

he makes me feel like the happiest man on earth to be able to love him

hes so understanding and patient and he listens to me

his movements are soft and not quick

he comforts me 

he cries and i feel like im bleeding from tha inside out and i want to make sure he never has any reason to sad cry

he cries with a smile and i know that i am so in love with him

he kisses my nose and holds me

he kisses every single one of my spots and tells me im beautiful

he traces my scars on my back my arms my face my legs everywhere and kisses my neck still

he holds my hand in public and does fake proposals for free dessert

he knows all the words to every single grease song and so do i

his voice is so nice to hear and his smile is all ive ever wanted to see

his hair is soft and i like to kiss his stubble cheeks when he doesnt shave for a while

hes cute

hes beautiful

he realizes his mistakes

he bought me roses once and put a note inside that he wanted to have roses like that at our wedding someday

he kisses me without regret

he says that he loves me and i believe him

when he got down on his knees and asked me to marry him with tears in his beautiful eyes and held out a shaky beautiful hand with an earring in it

i knew that i loved this man with my entire being

and i said yes

god i said yes

38. Let’s talk about life goals and hopes. Do you two have a similar idea for the future (regarding careers, getting a home, family, finding meaning)? Do you two make a good team? Can you imagine spending the rest of your life with them?

we are moving into his sisters old place once hes done with school and we are getting married in the summer

we just know we want the rest of our lives to be together

39. Reflecting on all of your experiences, what advice would you give to a young couple? 

talk to each other and dont try and hide important things and your feelings 

dont be stupid but also do stupid things

40. Is your partner on tumblr? Tag them here and write them a small message, it can be anything.

@bromosapiens

ur gross